Episode 2 – Back in the Saddle Again

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape, and wields a spear with great might Billy's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends, and listen close For the tale's about to start Hi everybody, welcome back to Spout Lore I'm your Game Master, Sean O'Hare And with me today is Abdulaziz Hello everybody, I play Tacoma Dope And he is still hungry Fuck!

You had two sheets that you could have read and taken your time But you chose instead to not It is on the sheet! It is And Jessica Tai Hello everybody, I am Jessica and I play Fat Billy And I, Jessica, still have bronchitis This is the same night as we recorded last time And Fat Billy still does not have bronchitis Uh, he, um… Ow Great, wonderful Just read one thing And they already know! Hey guys, I have a wisdom of plus one There we go Bet you didn't think about that You idiots! You idiots!

Uh… Paul Oppers Hi, I'm playing Ving The druid half-elf human guy Who needs everyone to hold his power And is hung like a zebra What the fuck are you talking about? Sean, you made us do this Is this on… Whatever Is… Was everyone… Is that on there? How do you spell zebra? Does… Is… Needs everyone to hold his power his new bond? Yeah, there's a bond Oh, cool Yeah, he… I don't know when…

Like when something's extreme I think I added that when, uh, Abdul helped him with that fire mishap Oh, cool So big, big, big stuff He really needs the… The family all involved It's a family tie Holding hands Cool Just like that one scene In… Uh… Guardians of the Galaxy? Yes Oh, yeah Yeah So, uh, the family ends up being the solution?

Yeah When we last left our heroes, they had encountered yet again Mender Maggie Cole, formerly known as the gangster muckraker Sweet Caroline the orc, also Mender Cartwin St. Ange, also Mender And, uh, Mears Falsmith, brand new Mender Uh, he's got a sword now, and he is psyched about it You had reunited and sort of given the Menders the rundown on what happened? What happened between Mudlark and now?

And seemingly against her better judgment, but for reasons her own, uh, Maggie Cole has agreed to allow you to remain in possession of Perel's Wardstone box, uh, and deliver it to the vault, which is where? What? Where is the vault? I thought you told us No, I was wondering that last time We didn't know No, we never know Yeah, we haven't actually discussed it Do we think it's in another principality? Firefields… Yeah? Firefields Principality?

I don't know, we haven't done that one What are the other ones? Uh, well, Paul came up with the Firefields Principality, which is sort of a west coast Pacific Ocean, like, volcanic area What's up? And that, I think we've talked about, is where Vertgrass is Oh! The hometown of Etienne Boggins Summertime vacation Uh, so yeah, the Firefields Principality, and then the other two I left up to you, Jessica, and you, Wes, but we never sort of got around to it Well then, let's go! To the Firefields!

Okay, yeah, let's go to the Firefields! Alright, so, uh, and Maggie has left you in the care of brand new Mender, Merus Foulsmith, who has been inducted into the Menders and taught their ways and given the information Pro- you guys will probably need at least a night, because you realize you are extremely hungry Yeah, should I reload up all my HP?

Yeah, you should reload up all your HP, yeah, you should reload up all your HP, yeah, you should reload up all your HP You can do some commodities and stuff Um, yeah, I will say that you spend a night at Cartwin's Apartments, sort of on bedrolls, resting up, so all your hitpoints back up to normal Ving, you and I talked about how Ving's crystal hand affliction is gonna give you an sort of ongoing debility to your dexterity, so your dexterity is functionally zero, your modifiers is basically zero right now until you find a way to heal your hands of this crystal Infector.

To heal your hands of this crystal infection. Is Cartoon a healer at all? She is, technically. Yeah. Can you do anything with this mess? She spends a while looking at your hands and sort of inspecting them and rubbing them with various oils. Just take a picture, lady. Yeah, Cartoon has some fucking repressed sexual whatever. Oh, my fucking God. It's for sure she's horny for Shathane. I mean, whatever. I miss that dick. You know, I was him for a second there.

I was in the spirit world for what felt like forever. Yeah, it was a long time. Yeah, it felt like 69 months. She shakes her head. She says, I… We, Billy and Tuck, are watching this from the other side of the room and like… Quietly high five what he says. Can Tuck be doing six with his fingers and Billy's doing nine? Yeah. Tuck has to… I've been in there for… And then Ving looks over. 69. Tuck has to what? Tuck has to adjust my fingers to make sure I'm holding a nine.

He hasn't learned how to count. Dismany. Beautiful. You're making jokes and she's like, Shathane was a dear friend of mine and… I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't fully understand what happened to him and I don't know if I will, but… I can tell you a little bit about it if you want to know. Yeah. I would love to know. Yeah. He stayed behind.

He needed to… Find the woman that he loved. The only woman that he ever loved. And he said that he thinks that he can help her on the inside and he was doing it for… His child? She gives you that sort of like quiet… Rueful like laugh and shake of the head. She says, well, maybe he'll find what he needs this time.

Anyways, I've taken a good look at what's going on here and I've applied every sort of expertise and experience I have to what's going on with your hands here, but I don't think I can help you. I'm sorry. Do you know anybody that might? Have you ever seen anything like this? I haven't. I've seen people afflicted by spirits before. But I don't know what happened here. Maybe you being a shapeshifter the way you are, the way that the spirits interacted with your physical body in the spirit realm.

It's just outside my sphere of experience. What about that Master Boda guy? Oh. Would he know? Would he know anything about this? Master Boda? Yeah, he's a druid that I learned from. Where is he? I wish I knew, but… He's probably taking a too long shower, you know, the way Master Boda does. It doesn't even sound like masturbation. Are you kidding me? It sounds exactly like masturbator. How old are you? Whatever. Master Boda. Master Boda. Language, Billy.

She says, I met him on a mountainside outside the principalities 40 years ago, 50 years ago. In the… In the firefields? No, closer to the… Closer to the Great Forest. So, if you can track him down there sometime, I don't know, maybe he can help or… I don't know, maybe they'll fall off. I don't know. Jesus. Thank you. Thanks. What the fuck? Your bedside manner is crazy. I say this from across the room. I'm not a doctor. No, you're not. I'm a painter. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Get off my back.

Get off my back. This is terrible. We shouldn't be asking for medical advice. Thank you for realizing that. We forgot what you were. We were in the spirit world for an indeterminate amount of time. And also, Ving has never met you. Great, great, great. Hi, I'm Ving. Hi, Cartwin. Nice to meet you. Cartwin St. Onge. Nice to meet you. Sorry, what was your last name? St. Onge. Oh, enchanté. Oh, okay. And she says, you know what? Get some rest.

And I, when, while this exchange is happening, I lean over to Billy and I'm like, I love watching Ving talk to women because it's like watching a fucking train wreck. Train wreck. Train wreck is a band. A band. That literally one of their members dies every time they perform. Oh, my God. Why do they still perform? It's for the love of the music and also because they hate some of their band members. Wow. I don't even know what time of day it is. Because the environment wasn't set up.

It was just like, you guys stayed over. I'm like, but what time is it? You can't tell in a mall. It's like a casino. I guess so. That's a good point. Yeah. When you came to, you saw through the like hole in the wall. Hole in the wall. Because there was, there's windows above, there's like a glass ceiling above that the light was, oh, come on, guys. The way the light was filtering through, you assumed it was about, or it was around like late afternoon.

And as you talked, the light grew dimmer and it's now nighttime. Is it dark? Yes. So you guys are looking at your hands and we're trying to sleep over here. We are in sleeping bags watching this happen. Still in Cartman's apartment. Yeah, absolutely. We are. We're sleeping in the granite cart. Smash everything. There's like a fire in the middle that I built out of her broken wicker furniture. Which she put out immediately. Yeah, wicker burns so fast.

It's actually, the hole in the wall is- Is it repaired with the armoire he destroyed? I should say, yeah, the armoire got wrecked for sure, but the apartment's a lot cleaner than you remember it being when you went in. How long were we down for? That's a good question. Do you ask somebody about that? Yeah, we yell it from across the room. Yeah. Hey, we're just wondering, hey, we're over here watching your flirtatious interaction. Flirtatious?

And we were wondering, how long were we in the spirit world for? It's been three months. What? No! Yeah. What? Did it feel like more or less? It felt a lot less. So yeah, Cartman says, yeah, it's been three months since we put you under. Whoa. Yeah. How long have I been dead for? You were dead for like a week before that. Anyway, can I get you anything? Yeah. Billy covers his eyes. What are you doing? Pointing at my peen. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go to my room. So crude.

And I'm gonna close the door. Can I roll for a peen look? No. Yes! Okay. So Cartman gets up, and she goes to her room, and she closes her door very pointedly, and Tuck, Billy, and Ving, you're left in the main room of Cartman's apartment to go to sleep for the night. What? This was a sleepover for everyone? Yeah, Mears also sleeps in the apartment.

Maggie and Carolyn go somewhere else, but everybody's there in the morning to sort of see you off, and Maggie comes up to the, the three of you, and Mears, and says, okay, so it's 10 days to the vault. It should only take you 10 days to get there. Okay. Walking, camping, walking, camping, maybe stopping in a town to resupply, and then continuing on. Yes, Billy. I have a question. I walk very slow. Can we double this to 20 days or 30 days? Because my, my legs are very short. Oh, my God. Please.

Maybe we can get you a cart. How about that? No, I need the exercise. Okay. Let's call it 20 days. 20 days. Not bad. That's pretty good. Way to go, Billy. I'll speed walk. And we get five gold a day, you were saying? I have given Mears a small amount of money to cover some expenses. Some? Yes. She hefts up a bag. She says, this has enough food. Once she thinks, 20 days. 20 days. And she puts down that bag and grabs another bag and shovels some more like packets into it.

She's like, now this has enough food for 20 days for the four of you, three of you. You don't eat, right? I don't need to eat. Spectacular. Those Lunchables? This is enough food to get you to the vault. And then from there, you can resupply if necessary. If after 20 days, I do not hear that that box is in that vault, I don't need to eat. I will come for you. Billy, yes, again. I think there's just a lot of questions that aren't being answered. Like, what? Are they Lunchables?

I would say that, yes, there are ones specifically for lunch, but they're all for the same meal. And so, sort of depends on when you eat them. Is there anything special we need to do at the vault? Is there anything we need to do a special to show them? Are they expecting us? They are expecting you. They've been expecting you for three and a half months. Well, that delay of three months was mostly Cartwin's fault. Cartwin goes, you fucked up the spirit thing. It took a lot of time.

And we're not going to do that. And we're not going to do that. And we're not going to do that. No blame is being assigned. You literally just assigned blame to me. It's true. Listen, what he means is we aren't mad at you, but it's your fault. Cartwin says, I'm not even going to begin to explain why it… She stops talking. She just looks so exhausted. You look tired. Maggie turns to Mears and says, Mears, I'm sure that you can already see all of the ways that this can go wrong.

I am counting on you to attempt to wrangle these three in any way necessary. His eyes are wide, but he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll do whatever I can. I got it. And he salutes. You know the way to the vault? Oh, I do. I know the way to all the vaults. Let's get the hell out of here. Yeah, let's go. Yeah. And Maggie takes… Makes one last look at Caroline standing behind her imposingly, arms crossed. Says, don't screw this up. Billy, yes, one more time. Can I say goodbye to Wicker?

And you see her resolve like break a little bit as she kind of goes like, oh. Because he can't come with us. Wicker runs to you. Yes, you can say goodbye. Wicker? And I put my face in his fur or her fur. Was that my voice? No, that was Paul making a cat noise. I don't know. I have to be strong, Wicker. But you have been my friend and I love you and I miss you. And Wicker nuzzles your face. I nuzzle Wicker's face. And I wipe my tears on his face. On her face. Her face. On her face.

Ed, gender's a person thing. Who knows? A cat doesn't really care. Billy doesn't know anything about gender. Yeah. Ed, I love you. I think I said it already. Do you love me? Ving says, she says she loves you too, Bonnie. Thank you. And she believes in you and she knows that you will do the right thing when the time comes. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I'll never forget you. And she says, you won't have to. Wicker hands you a compass rose. Hands? Hands.

Yeah, paws you. What the fuck is wrong with you people? Wait, am I the only one using my imagination here? So yeah, you see that classic thing where like in 90s shows there was like a paw on a stick that they would use whenever a dog would do something crazy? Yeah. Yeah. It's like moving around. It's that. It's like a cat's paw on a stick. It's totally fucking stiff. You can see the Velcro with a piece of rose on it. Yeah, there's a fucking compass rose glued to it. Follow this.

And then it just touches Billy's face. Take this compass rose. Ving tells you. Really? So now you have a compass rose. Yeah. So Ving is saying Wicker wants you to take a rose? Yeah, take the compass rose and follow this rose. It'll lead you to where you need to go. Oh, okay. Oh, that's pretty nice. Actually, Wicker cannot pick things. Wicker is a cat. I just want to be clear. Wicker nudges a compass rose with his goddamn schnoz towards Billy. The fuck? Oh, you people. Rocks turned into an axe.

Yeah, Sean, you really ruined a moment here. Oh, fuck. It's nice. There was a fish horse for a while there. It's nice, but it can be nice and make sense. No. It made sense before. Okay. Wicker hands me a rose. With his nose. With his nose. With his nose. With his nose. With his nose. With his nose. In her teeth. In her teeth. Wicker hops down from the couch that she's been sitting on. She runs out outside of the door of Cartwin's apartment. Wicker.

And she comes back padding back in with a compass rose in her mouth. And she walks up to Billy and she drops it at his feet. What do I do with it? And she meows. Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. She says, follow this rose. It'll lead you to where you need to go. And if you keep this with you, she says that she will always be able to come back to you. I love you, Wicker. And I give her another hug. And I put the rose in my pouch with my blanket. And you all leave.

Well, as we're walking away from Cartwin's apartment, I'm talking to Billy. I'm like, that's really nice that he gave you that gift. Yeah. Should I give her something? You don't have to. What do I do? Nothing. That's just nice. Yeah, it is. Yeah. She gave me a gift, too. What? She left a dead mouse in my sleeping bag. She'll be able to find you, too. And before you well and truly leave the High Spear Mall, is there anything that you want to do? I have a couple of things.

A couple of things I need to finish up before we leave. Okay. What is the first one? I'm going to go to the Spearmint B&B. Okay. To find Dan. Uh-huh. Spearmint is a nice, cozy little B&B. Not unlike a Holiday Inn. Not that cozy. Pretty shitty, actually. But it's very standard. Nothing like a Holiday Inn. In your travels, Billy, you haven't really traveled all that much. But Ving and Tuck, you've seen a ton of Spearmint B&Bs. It's definitely a chain owned by one family.

And their thing was like, we're going to put a bunch of B&Bs in every goddamn city. In the world. And they did it. And they're… They did it. Certainly. Oh. Everywhere. That's their slogan is Spearmint B&B. Certainly everywhere. Yeah. So you go to the Spearmint B&B and you ask for Colonel Dan Fossey. And I go up to the guy at the counter. I'm like, hey. And then I look at his name tag. Oh, fuck. Don't do this to me. Sir, what's your name? Torg. Hey, you. Torg. Look at me. Torg. Torg. Torg.

Torg. Torg. Torg. Torg. Torg. Torg. I am looking at you. I came in at this pretty hot. Yes, you certainly did. Let's start it again. And I shuffle back. I shuffle back around the corner. Pretend you're wearing a tie. And then I come back out. I'm like, hello, sir. Hello. Okay, I'm going to try that one more time. I'm like, hi. Hello. Torg. Yes. I'm looking for a friend of mine. What's their name? Dan. Either Colonel Dan or Dan Fossey or Dan Derglot. Dan.

He looks at a sheet of paper he has in front of him. Room 4-1. Then he goes back to reading whatever book he was reading. What book is he reading? I notice he's reading a book. What are you reading? I'm about to walk away and I see the book and I shuffle back. I'm like, what book are you reading? He's kind of embarrassed and he turns away. He says, nothing. No, tell me. Don't be shy, Torg. It's a book. It's just a book. Come on. It's a normal book. It's a normal book. What is the title?

Love and Lust. Oh, can I see the cover? No. Billy. What? You're a child. Can I see the cover? Yeah, can we see the cover? Then Ving and I shuffle behind the camera. We squeeze back there. No, I go over the counter. Climb right over. He's kind of sheepish, but he turns the cover to you. It's a book. It's a book. It's a book. It's a book. It's a book. It's a book. It's a book. It's a book. It's a book. It's like a buff knight, but he doesn't have a chest plate. It's just bare chested.

But he's wearing all the rest of the armor? And he's got his arm around another knight who also doesn't have a chest piece. Oh, sick. Guys, what does it look like? It's two daddies hugging. Yeah. Wow. And they've just built a tent. Oh, is it a nice tent? Yeah. Yeah. It's wildly larger than you would think is humanly possible. Cool. When you are done with this book, may I borrow it? Sure. We'll finish it quick because we're going to grab it on the way out. Good luck, room 4-1. Okay.

We go up to 4-1. Ving goes, good for you. Goes upstairs. He goes upstairs. Torg looks around like, what? There's no stigma against homosexuality in this world. No, honestly, this is a show for escapism. Stuff's cool. Everybody's cool. It's the best. So you go up to room 4-1 and knock on the door, I guess? Yeah, I do. And you hear, just a second, just a second. Housekeeping. Housekeeping. You see the light behind the door. The peephole dim for a second. And you hear, oh.

And I guess what I hear is that I instinctively kick the door. Give me a defy danger. It is a 100% instinct reaction, though. And what happened is. It's a knee jerk reaction. No, but you're kicking the door open. But like, it was in the process of being opened. And it just, your foot slams against it. And you hear, oh. And sprawled out on the little. The little hallway between the doorway and the main bedroom is Dan Durglott. Dan, hey. Dan. Wow. Oh, it has been.

I didn't think I would ever see you three again. How are you? We're good. Who's this? That's Bing. Billy, you idiot. Yeah. And you hear, I'm Mears. Oh, yeah. Oh. Oh. We forgot Mears is here. Yeah, no, I figured. I figured. I'm supposed to keep an eye on you. But you know what? Mears didn't forget. That's why he's with us. That's why. He's the leader. That's right. Technically. Okay. What's going on with you, Kern? Oh, it's great. Lumpley and I, we started a new business.

We're sort of, we've been here at the Spearmint for a few months now. And what the fuck happened to your hands? Oh, with these? Oh, is that deliberate? I wouldn't say so. Oh, yeah. Anyway, sorry. We've been at the Spearmint for a few months. We got a new business. I think you guys are going to be pretty excited to hear. We went all in on hats. And how did that turn out for you? Bad. Wow. So now, that was a couple months ago. So after hats, we went to kettle corn. And? Terrible. Wow. What next?

Right now, the idea is bespoke watch straps. Okay. Let me stop you there. Okay. Rethink that. Oh, my God. You're right. No one's going to wear a watch. They're huge. Oh, what next? What next? And he starts walking around his room. Oh, hey, what are you doing here? Oh, right. You owe us money from the fucking when we dragged your ass into and out of that swamp hole. He, his eye, like he's walking around and you see his eyes go. Oh. Oh. Dang. Yeah. Yeah. I do, don't I? You sure do. Oh, man.

Well, have I got great news for you. I can't wait. I'm trying to think of some great news. It's hats, isn't it? It might be hats. How do you guys feel about hats? Fuck you, Colonel Dan. Yeah, give us our goddamn money. Don't try and weasel out of this again. What about kettle corn? I swear to God, I know you have money in here. I'm going to have to pay you. I'm going to have to pay you. I'm going to have to pay you. I'm going to have to pay you. There's a ton of work coming in here.

There's a ton of work coming in here. There's a ton of work coming in here. There's a ton of work coming in here. There's a ton of work coming in here. Fucking object in this room. That's yours. Yes. Sounds like a parlay. Here we go. So it's a 2d6 plus charisma and the thing is give me money or I'm going to smash all your stuff. Yeah. Okay. Nine. Nine. Anybody want to aid? Yeah, I'll aid. So it's 2d6 plus your bonds. How are you aiding? Give me all your shit or I'll smash your shit.

Touch you with these hands. Yeah, I'll stick these crystals where the sun don't shine, Colonel Dan. Five plus my bond. Two. Yeah. Seven. Seven. Great. Okay, perfect. So that's a 10 and your aid is great. So he goes, okay, okay, okay. All right. Okay, okay. Look, look, look. We are on thin ice with the Spearmint B&B so please do not break anything. How much did I owe you? I assumed that you knew. It was five. It was five per. Day. Day. Three months ago. Three months ago. Well, now hold on.

It was five to get me to Mudlark, I think. Five per person per day. That seems high. And it was a three-day trek. So that's 15. Times three is 45. 45. We're at 45 gold coins. And then we, did you want us to fucking leave you in Mudlark? Yeah, but hey, guess what? Hey, we can put you back there. No, man. That wasn't part of our deal. Are you serious? I did not hire you to get me out of Mudlark. Oh, we did that? Yeah. Is that because we like you? Yeah. I'm pretty sure we don't like you, Dan.

I assumed that you were doing it out of the goodness of your hearts. Well, you assumed wrong, you cheap shit. Give us, you know what? We'll take 45. Yeah. Wow. Great. 45. 45 it is. And he, he says, turn around. No. No, turn around. No? You know what? After you literally kicked my door in to demand money from me, I don't want you to know where my little, nest egg is. Is your nest egg potentially in that Fabergé egg on the shelf? And his eyes like flick towards the egg? And he goes, no.

Does that thing even hold 45 coins? No. Does it hold more? No. I believe him. Okay. Yeah. Well, I'm going to take this egg. No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. He runs over to the egg. He said, 45 gold. That was the deal. I'll give it to you right now. Okay. Yeah. Don't make us turn around. No mystique with you. And he takes the egg down and he kind of covers it and he turns away a little bit. Don't do that. And you hear a squeaky, squeaky, squeaky. Don't tell me what to do. I already did.

Squeaky, squeaky, squeaky, squeaky. And jingle, jangle, jingle, jangle, jingle. Squeaky, squeaky, squeaky, squeaky. And he puts it back on the shelf and he comes over and he dumps it into like a little bag. He says, all right, here you go. And we're done. We're square. We're clear. That's all. You got it, Dan. Here you go, Billy. Here's 15. Thank you. And Mears goes, we had money. We have expense money. Yeah, but you're in charge of that money. This is our money.

We can do whatever we want with this. All right. And he starts moving out of the way as Lumply, the halfling merchant, saunters into the room because there's two beds. Oh. Nice. Yeah. Lumply goes, what is going on in here? Oh, it's you guys. Yeah, man. How you doing? What's up, Lumply? I'm doing all right. You know how it is. You know how business goes. Business is the way that it is and that's the way that Lumply lives. And he says, oh, hey.

And he ruffles Billy's hair a little bit and he kind of looks at you for a little bit longer. Yeah, what? What's up? What are you looking at? You look different. Oh, is it my mustache? Mustache? I don't have one. But I like to think I do. No, it's not. I don't know. Never mind. Well, anyways, and he sees you like counting the gold coins on the bed and like divvying them up and he goes, oh, Dan. Dan. You pushover. He goes, I tried. And Lumply looks at you like, did he try? Yeah. No, he tried.

Okay. He tried. I mean, I threatened to break everything he owns. I threatened to put these inside of him. You were going to put those inside of him? That's what I think I said. All right. Well, you know, it was nice seeing you. I hope that you didn't take us for too much because we got big plans, big plans, bespoke watch straps. And Dan goes, no, we're not. I don't think we should do that anymore. Well, we'll come up with something. Yeah, you will.

You guys are going to take over this town, the two of you. Yeah. You're going to have your name in lights. Yeah. Anyway, we're going to get out of here. Okay. Thanks for honoring the deal, Dan. Bye. You're a solid man. Good merchant. You know you don't mean that. No. Yeah, for sure not. You're a terrible merchant, but you're a solid guy. So Dan kind of looks at the three of you like, you know what? Thanks for everything. I love you, Dan. Whoa. I don't know where that came from.

Your heart, Billy. Thank you. Okay. Bye, Dan. Bye, everybody. Billy, I love you too. Okay. Whoa. It's a child. You fucking. You fucking. He's a fucking weirdo. And then we, yeah, we just storm out. Yeah. And we scoop Billy up protectively. Thank you. I don't know what he was going to do there. His eyes got wild. I was being platonically kind. Listen, I know what platonic is, and I did not see that in your eyes. All right. Bye, everybody. Bye, Dan. Bye. Bye. Bye. And he closes the door.

And then we grab that love and lust book from the counter guy on the way out. And Tor goes, okay, you know. I'm not done, but I don't think I'm going to finish anyways. Don't worry, Torque. You'll find your dad's. And he looks at you like, thank you. You'll find your dad's too. He already has. And we join hands and walk out. All right. What's the second thing Tuck wanted to take care of? I wanted to go to the security office and search through Shathane's desk.

So you go back to the security office. There's various security officers sitting around. You don't recognize any of them. Hey, what's going on? This is like a middle-aged woman. It's like, hey, what's up? Is anyone knows Shathane? Our boss? Yes. Well, our former boss, I suppose. Who's the number two here? Who's in charge now? That's me right here. What's your name? Tina. Tina what? Tina. Tina. Tina. Durger? Tina Durger. He doesn't turn her, but let's do Durger. Tina Durger. Tina Durger.

Security officer. Yeah, that's me. What's up? What can I do for you? You need some help? Yeah. Shathane gave us these keys before he stayed behind in a different plane of existence. So we're going to rifle through his shit and then we're going to leave them with you. Well, you know what? I have no reason to say no. But Shathane's. Office is now Tina Durger's office. So you can find all of Shathane's things in a box in the hall. Okay. Yeah. We'll go out there. Yep. And there it is.

What's in there? Like a bunch of writing implements and. Cool. Paper. Anything good? Some pictures. I guess there would be a couple things that he'd confiscated. Like what? What are the goods? Roll me a 2D6. What am I rolling with? No, it's just a straight roll. Oh, four. You find a really nice golden filigreed spoon. Wow. Yeah. It's kind of burnished, but it looks really nice. And Billy, your thiefy hands. You get the idea that this is probably worth like around 40 coin. Let's pocket this.

Shathane would want it. Okay. Anything else you want to do? Is there anything else in there that's any good? I mean, it's. It's a box of all his stuff, right? Yeah. So I guess there'd be one more thing. It's probably not going to be as like overtly valuable because you get the idea that anything truly valuable of his would have been skimmed already. What about the pictures? What's in the pictures? It's like there's a woman and she's just like a human woman with kind of light hair.

Can I take the picture? It's a portrait. Sure. I'll take the picture. Yeah. Okay. And yeah. So you can give me another one of those rolls. That's like the D10 and the D6. Tuck, if you want to jam through. I got two sixes. Two sixes, which is a 12. Oh my God. Well, that was a mistake on my part. Finally. Oh, for God's sake. Cool. Okay. So at the very, at the very bottom of the box, sort of in the corner, and it's like in another thing. It was in like a pencil cup. You find. A small. Ring.

Made of a very light colored. Wood. That's been smoothed down and it's got a small arrow carved into it. And then you immediately recognize this as the insignia of the Ranger Corps. That's a Ranger ring. And you know that especially outside the great forest, they are incredibly rare and would be extremely valuable. I will trade you this picture of a woman for it. Deal. But go ahead and roll me 3D6. Can you, can you roll these twice and then one more? Eight. Twelve. Fuck.

All powerful Ranger ring. You think that if you were to find the right person, cause it's a very like, you know, the average Joe is not going to care. But like a collector of that sort. Of object. Would probably pay up to 1200 coins for it. Whoa. We're fucking rich. This is a great find. I like that. Like I've never given you guys treasure really. And now this is just sort of paying off for all the shit you've been through. All the treasure. You look through the box. I think two valuable things.

I think so. Probably good. I, I take the picture of the woman and I press it into my amulet. Oh, I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. While I'm good. And Tina looks at you. Tina kind of gives you like a once up and down. She says, maybe.

And she goes back into the office. And then I trip. You just fall on your ass. But you also hear from the office, Tina go, did you hear that? That was a good line. I am extremely proud of that. And you hear a guy go like, it was pretty good. And yeah, so you, are you heading out? Please. Yes. Okay. Vig's getting antsy in the mall. He's having a conniption fit. Yeah, so 20 days. Later. Wow. That adventure was mind blowing.

Well, so you head out of the High Spear Mall and you travel through the city of High Spear proper, which though you've been in the mall for a while, you've spent no time in the actual city of High Spear. And you see people going up with their lives and you hit one of the main gates. Mears is leading the way. He suggests very earnestly that you maybe get a mount of some kind or a wagon so you don't have to walk for 20 days. Yes. Sure. Yeah, man. Mears, you're in charge. This is your time.

Oh, man. I'll find the mount. Okay. I guess you get the cart. Sure. Yeah. Maggie gave me some money and Mears leaves you two for a while. Billy and Tucker just hanging out like, I don't know, at a cafe or something. Well, we're like flush with money. Yeah. Oh, yeah. What do you do at a cafe when you have cash? Okay. What's in the cafe? It's baked goods of various kinds. Croissant. Yeah. Describe them. There's ones with cheese in them. All right. There's ones with little hot dogs in them.

There's one with like a little, nice mashed potato sort of thing in it. Yeah. There's also danishes. Nope. Can't call them that. Why can't we call it a danish? Because they're from Denmark. Denmark's a direction. Yeah. Fuck. Yeah. Okay. Fine. Danishes. Yeah. I asked the waitress, can I have 12 of the mashed potato croissants and I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. The biggest oat milk that you have steamed, please. The biggest oat milk that you have. It's the size of the other ones. Okay. Is he going to get hammered off that? No. Oat milk is fine. Oat milk. Yeah. But do you have, I lean into her, do you have cow's milk? She looks at you like, yeah. Can I have a very small cup of cow's milk? Like an ounce? Yeah. Just, so is this, would you consider this a feast? Yes. Okay. So a feast costs 15 coins. 15 coins. He does it.

This is exactly what I would have expected. Yeah. So she comes back with like a shit ton of baked goods and she comes back with a big wooden cup of cow's milk as well. Oh my God. This is a shot? Oh, it's milk. You want less? Well, no, I'm fine. Billy is gonna get fucked up. Yeah. Sorry, our cups only come in one size. Okay. If the listeners don't know, halflings get drunk on cows. It's too rich. It's so rich and creamy. That's why they drink oats milk most of the time.

Well, they mostly drink oats milk because they can't reach the cows and it's way easier to milk oats. Because they're just not tall enough. But when they do get some cow's milk, they're just like, oh, party time. Party time. So Billy's going nuts on these croissants and the cow milk. Yeah. And is Tuck just watching this happen? No, I'm somewhere else. What are you doing? I went to the alleyway playing craps. Oh my God. Yeah. You left me alone? I left you with the waitress. Okay.

Technically, I left you with the waitress. So you find some people playing a dice game. Yes. I walk up to them and they're like, hey, what do you want? Get out of here. I was like, hey, I got this. And I open up my hand and there's 15 coin in it. And they all go, whoa. Let's get some fucking business. Come on in. Come on in, pal. Roll the bones. Okay. And I pick up the dice. How does this game work? Simulate everything. Yeah. It's going to be a 2D6. 2D6. And a 7 to 9 is a partial success.

And a 10 is a full success. And a 6 is a failure. So please understand. Hey. I'm betting it all on black. That's five. That's a five. And they go. So you go, I'm betting it all on black. Roll. And they go, red. And they take it away. They take 15 coins. Right. I'm like, a sailor's job is never done. And I salute. I give them a little salute. I walk away and I trip as I leave. And you come back into the cafe and Billy is knee deep in a pile of croissants and drunk, I guess. Oh, yeah.

So what's Billy doing? He's just having a good time. He is living large and in charge. He's feeling loose. He's feeling conversational. I feel like he is saying this to the waitress. He's saying this to the waitress right now. He is. He's feeling loose and in charge and in charge. Yeah. And Tuck, you come back. And Billy's face is covered in milk. Like he's got that milk mustache all around his face. I turn to the waitress. I'm like, did you give him real milk? Yes. He can't handle it.

How am I supposed to know that? You were supposed to be taking care of him. I thought I was. I really, truly thought I was. Don't worry, Janice. I gave milk to a child. Janice? Janice, you did a great, great job. I feel great. Thanks, little guy. No problem. I'm going to assume you can take this from here. I can handle this, Janice. Have a good day. Bye. Bye. And then I turn to Billy. I'm like, did you get so drunk you started narrating your own actions again? Yeah.

And Ving, it's at this point you return with your mount, with the mount that you've acquired. Yeah. Yeah. So Ving comes back with what? Hippopotamus. What? Why not? Um, okay. Is that? No, I'm, hey, whatever. Hey, we're going. It's a hippopotamus covered in hair. It's a hairy hippopotamus. Fantasy world. Sweet. I'm into it. What's it called? A woolly, a wool, woolly pig. Woolly pig. Great. Wow. So it's a big, hairy pig looking thing with a big wide mouth. That's very comfortable in the water.

Yeah. And they love to swim. Which is where we need to go. Great. Yeah. To find a crocodile. And, uh, and Mears shows up shortly after. Wait, wait, did you name? What's it? What's this thing called? Because Mears gave you a little bit of money to get a mount. So that's covered. Also, he had the best temperament out of all the mounts I talked to. Sweet. Yeah. Um, what's his name? Um, Francis. Francis. Francis, the woolly pig.

And, uh, Mears is walking down the street and you see behind him being pulled by two, uh, strapping youths, uh, is the absolute shittiest cart you've ever seen in your life. It's like, it's big enough for all of you and your stuff. Uh, but it looks like it might fall apart at any moment. And Mears goes, I, I really over lent to Ving on the mount. And, uh, this is what we got. Sorry, guys. Oh, it's great. All right. Well, let's, let's mount up.

And they strapped Francis into the cart and, and you load up Billy's wasted, uh, Mears is already stressed at having to lead this expedition and he's driving. He's got the reins to Francis in his hand and he, so Mears takes the cart on the Westward road and he looks at all it and he says, okay, buckle in. Cause this first part's going to be a little rough. If we're going to make it through the fire field principality, we're going to want to beat the monsoons.

And he whips Francis and starts heading down the road. Thanks for listening, everybody. This has been Spout Lore. I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara with me as always playing Tacoma dome, the barbarian, Abdul Aziz. So long, everybody playing fat Billy, the halfling thief, Jessica tie. Uh, good night, everyone. And playing Ving, the half elf druid, Paul offers. Goodbye. Thanks to West Lord, our technical producer.

Thanks to Aaron Reed of Vancouver's Sunday service for our amazing intro and outro music. Thanks to Gavin at input cowork in the NIMO BC for our wonderful recording space for this evening. And thanks to you for listening. Have a great night, everybody. While it's night here. Bye bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. And so ends the tale of adventures three who tried the best they can. Though dumb and scared and lost they be for times abreast in revelry.

And though our journey may be like a conclusion, we will not leave you without a resume. We will return next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores. And for you, I gladly spell dawn.