Episode 18 – Rider on the Storm

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape and wields a spear with great might Billy's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends and listen close For the tale's about to start Hi everybody and welcome to Spout Lore I'm your game creator, Game Master Sean O'Hara joining me as always playing Tacoma Dome, the Barbarian Abdulaziz.

Hello. Playing Ving, the Half-Elf Druid, Paul Oppers. And playing Fat Billy, the Halfling Thief, Jessica Tai. Hello. When last we left our heroes, you had escaped, basically. You had escaped and you had arrived at the hidden pirate headquarters of the Crystal Bay Pirates to sort of convalesce and give Ruby Tunes Day the lay of the land in terms of how much you had fucked up, which was quite a lot. Well, that's relative. Yeah. And it was kind of a talking and learning episode. New for us. Yeah.

Very new for us. We had learned a little bit about fairies, or we had learned a little bit about what the journal of the Captain of the Purifier might contain. We also completely destroyed the Purifier. Yes, that is a thing that you did. The Purifier was destroyed by Perel. The Truth Demon got it out of all of you that Perel is a wizard. Mears is middle-aged. His middle name is Bernadette. That's right. And he's just trying his best. That was so sad and nice. Yeah. Yeah.

And our own resident druid, Ving, is the Prince of the Boreal Reach. Also, Tuck saw nothing. Yeah. Until he communed with his axe, Larry, Terry, and Chad, and they were able to resonate Tuck at a frequency that he was able to see whatever was standing there. And what he saw was an old man. He said it was a slave. That was cool as hell. So cool. He saw an old man. Slaves are cool. Okay, I'll edit that out for you. He saw an old man who said his name was…

Paul, is this your 12 Years a Slave fan fiction? Where he doesn't escape? Yeah. It's called 12 More Years a Slave. There's a line in here where he says, I'm so glad I'm still here. And he's an old man. And Tuck saw an old man who said his name was Amma Mergeni, who said he was the vessel for the icon of truth. And we know that there's a Mergeni library in McCall. Yes. Then there was a huge fight. And you escaped, which is where we find you now.

At the hidden pirate headquarters of the Crystal Bay Pirates, you were told that they had acquired someone to be the captain of the vessel, a merchant, to give the ship an air of legitimacy as it crossed the sea. And that merchant was Colonel Dan Derglott. Jesus, fuck. Ugh. Hot. A Schlossmeat aficionado and multiple failed entrepreneur. This guy is like a bad penny. It's impossible to get rid of him. Maybe it takes a few months. Maybe it takes a few years. But you'll see Colonel Dan again.

He ruins industries when he gets involved. Schlossmeat used to be a very popular thing. He just gets into everything way too late. Like he's ruined. Falafels now suck. Yeah. Falafels are bad. Hats are bad. Nobody wears hats anymore. Watch as we're on the rise. And then people stopped using them. Turns out they weren't. Cool. Sleever used to be awesome. Now it sucks. Yeah. He's ruined everything. He's ruined. All the best things. And so that is where we find you now.

In the Crystal Bay Pirates hideout, Ruby has revealed the vessel to you, which is called the West Wind. And it's sort of a cargo ship that looks like it's built for speed. Do you guys want to talk to Dan or should? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So Dan is leaning over the edge of the boat like, wow. How is he dressed? He is dressed like a, you know. He looks so stupid in my head. You know. What did you imagine? No, I don't know. Yeah. Well, maybe tell me if I'm close.

You know Keira Knightley's dad from Pirates of the Caribbean? Oh, with the wig? With the huge curly wig. Yeah. And the like embroidered jacket with the ruffs and the tights and the shoes. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. He's dressed like that. That's pretty funny. Yeah. Yeah. Like a dollar store Halloween costume of a pirate. But you can tell because you remember Dan had long black hair and he has curled and oiled his own hair. Wow. So it's like huge.

He throws up his hands to wave at you and you see the ruffs of his coat waving and he's like, wow. Hi. I cannot believe it's you guys. Hey, Dan. I want to say Vern. Vern? Holy shit. Are you serious? Nice to see you. Hey, Tyler. Tyler. It's nice to see you too, man. What the fuck? Billy. Love it. What the fuck? You remembered Billy's name, but neither of us? It's easy because I had a dog named Billy. And I look like that dog.

And he comes walking down the gangplank and he is really making his entrance work for him. And he comes down to meet you guys and he throws his arms out. What about a hug? Huh? Yeah. We go in and we hug Dan. All right. Yeah. He gives you a big, nice hug. Good to see you. Oh, you too. You guys would not believe the time I've had. Yeah. How did you end up here? Oh, it is a long and storied tale. Just talk about today.

So basically, I woke up in a cave and I put on my new clothes and then I got on this boat. So before that. Yeah. You might remember Lumply and I, we had a little scheme going back in high spirit. We were going to sell Fabergé eggs. Yeah. Hats. You know, it's been so long. I've had so many schemes since then. It's pretty telling that he's calling them schemes and not business. Sorry. No, no, no. Business opportunities. Business opportunities. That's what I meant to say.

Entrepreneurial operations. But long story short, I'm not allowed back in high spirit for a while. What did you do? It turns out to sell food, you need a permit. And also, you shouldn't be selling stolen food. That's the main thing. You fucked with the food court? Yes, I did. Yeah. But it turns out they are pretty canny folks. So I thought that oatmeal would slide under their radar. But when it's their oats, no siree. No. Yeah. The brunch boys would come after you for sure.

Well, I'm going to write that down for spelt more. Yeah. The brunch bunch. And so Lumply and I, we parted ways. By which I mean he was arrested. What a slut. What a slut. What a slut. What a slut. You know what I mean? You're a shyster you are. And I left High Spear and I wandered for a bit. Ended up in the Fire Fields. Because I was hearing rumors about a lake made of wine. We exchanged glances. And it was real. It's a real. There's a whole lake. What's your scheme Dan? Okay.

So you might've seen a stall that I paid a guy to set up during the Coroneta. Basically, if you just grab a bunch of buckets. Go down to that lake and no one can stop you. So I've been trying to weasel a little bit of cash here and there. Notice that he said weasel cash instead of earn a living. Sell my more or less legitimately acquired property and make a little cash on the side. Dan, a lot of your problems are self-created. You're not wrong, Tuck. You're not wrong. Oh, it's Tuck. It's Tuck.

It just came back to my mind. It just hopped out of my mouth. It's so good to see you all again. So we're going to be going to sea together, huh? Yeah. How long are we at sea together? And he looks over at Ruby. How long does it take to get to McCall? Six months? Seven months? Six what? McCall. We're going to McCall? That's where I'm going. I got a hot hold full of watered down lake wine. Ruby? Yes? We said two weeks. What's this six months bullshit? There are ports two weeks from here.

All right. Everybody hop on board. We'll finish final preparations. And yeah, Dan takes you on to the deck of the West Wind. Shows you around. Guys, I can't remember last time I went on a boat like this in the ocean. Oh, this is a lot bigger than a lake. Yeah, but it's just like a really big lake. It's just like a river, but it's all together. Just think of all the little spots that you've ever sat beside. All the little rivers. Picture your favorite little spots sitting by the water.

And just picture all those little spots getting to hang out. That's just the ocean. Okay. And this is Dan is like walk and Dan is talking incessantly as you guys are having these conversations between yourselves. He's like, this is where you'll be sleeping. This is where everybody else will be sleeping and it's a spot like one foot away. There's a bunch of hammocks.

And as you're talking, Billy, you look around the deck and you see what is the galley and there is a big plump guy who's just like cutting up fish and there's huge baskets of potatoes and bread carrots. Hey, Dan, do we get to eat that later? No, that's the chef. And Dan laughs at that. He's like, oh, I really missed all you guys. They are much less jokey in the High Spear Regional Prison. Uh, this is the first time that we noticed that Dan has three teardrops tattooed under his eye.

Dan killed a guy. He killed three people in jail. He's a murderer now. Uh, cut back to Dan doing the tattoo himself to make himself look really badass. Tracing his actual tears with a stick of eyeliner. Yeah. Weeping into a mirror. I'm so scared. They're gonna fucking kill me. I can't make them think that I did it first. These guys are gonna fucking kill me. Wait, is this five minutes ago as he was getting dressed to meet us or is this three months ago when he was in jail?

This is three months ago and then every day after. He has to perpetuate the lie every morning. All those lies are why he was recruited to be the captain of this crew. He is way in over his head. Well, his parole officer hooked him up with this gig. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Uh, yeah, and he's like, oh, yeah, you get to. Yeah, there's meals. I don't know. Once, twice, three times a day. Oh, what? Only three times we can starve. Hey, look, boat rules. I gotta say I'm a figurehead.

I know very little about this actual voyage. We know I don't like boat rules. Don't like rules and I hate boat rules and he goes, this is where you guys will be sleeping and he points to a single hammock. But wait, all three of us. Yes, in shifts. Yeah, in shift. No, no, no, no, no. We all sleep together. Yeah, we sleep same time, nighttime. We sleep same time, nighttime, 12 time hours. You're gonna have to talk to what's that fucking scary guy's name? You saw him. You saw him, right?

The guy with the earring Kingsley. Yeah, Kingsley. Oh, yeah, he's got the curved sword earring. Yeah, this is totally like where you show up at camp, you know, where it's like your bunk master is like, hey, this is the rules and you're like, I think different rules apply to me. You go to the head of the camp and you're like, sir, I think that we could all agree that I am not the kind of person that participates in swim time and I will be having snacks in my bunk. Send someone around. Okay.

Hey, look, I thought as the quote unquote captain, I was supposed to sleep in the captain's quarters, but I'm sleeping somewhere else to where you sleep any points to the hammock right next to you gonna be hammock. All of us sleeping together next to each other sleeping near each other, not together. We walk away during this whole thing. He has his eyes closed doing a dance bump, but it's nuts in a bag shaking his butt.

So I have clocked that Billy is nervous about this and I I'm like, I don't really have much to offer him in the way of like comfort, but I take him up to the top deck. Can we see like the horizon or the sea of graves or anything from inside there like cave dock? You can see basically a sliver of sky because it's like a rock wall that comes out at an angle and then another one that comes out an angle that they have to very carefully navigate.

It hides the mouth of the cave from the from the water. Okay. Yeah. And so I talked to these guys and I'm like, did I ever tell you guys how I came here? No. No. And I was like, I came from a call and I point in the general direction of where it is and you can see a bit of horizon. He said tiny bit. Yeah. And I so I like point at the ocean and I'm like, I set sail from McCall seven years ago. I left everything I knew behind, but I found a new family when I came here.

So there's a we meet them someday. Okay. All right. I would really like to meet your family. It's you. Oh, fuck buddy. That's really sweet. So I mean, it's scary to like go to a new place and to to do something that you've never done before and to not know, you know, what's on the other side of the horizon. Of course, it's going to be scary, but there's going to be a lot of interesting food. Okay. That is and Chuck has finally honed in on the thing that is going to make Billy feel comfortable.

And he's like, Billy, there are carts that sell bags of spaghetti all over. Every street in McCall has a cart that sells bags of spaghetti. Whole bags? Whole bags. And they sell little tubs of garlic water you put on there. You can eat spaghetti all day, every day. All day? Every day? Every day. And they have gravy that's been boiling for over 17 years. How do they still have gravy left? Because they just keep adding to it. It's famous gravy. The bones of our fathers, it's called.

Never ending gravy. Never ending gravy. Never ending gravy. Okay, so maybe the new world won't be so bad. Maybe my future will be a future. Maybe I will taste my imagination. Maybe I will achieve my dreams. Yeah. What dream is Billy trying to achieve? Croissant moon. Oh, yeah. He's imagining… Bathing in gravy. And then when the gravy gets kind of cold and gets that skin on top, he just turns the faucet on and warm gravy comes in. He can scoop it into his mouth.

And then he rings a bell and some elves wheel in some more potato mash. And he can just grab fistfuls to put into the tub with him. And they float around and they soak up the gravy and he scoops them into his mouth. Repeat. Yeah, that's the dream Billy's hoping to achieve. Yeah. And then we cut back to like outside of Billy's head. Yeah. And he's like drooling so much. Oh, God. And we're like, Billy, whatever it is that is in your head right now, just imagine that's at the end of this voyage.

Okay. I can't wait. I am brave. And I'm gonna… Live the dream of my people. Me. Billy's people. I'm the people. And then as Billy like waddles away back towards where we left Dan. And then as we're standing there, we're like, he's definitely thinking about the gravy dream again. That might be a problem someday. Yeah, I know. We're never gonna be able to get that gravy thing to happen. He's a little food obsessed. Billy, don't beg, honey. He just walks up. He's a cook.

And he's like, but don't put your nose on the counter, pal. I take my hands off the counter. I'm like, okay. And then I go to the hammock. I'm like, better make this look nice. Billy's gonna decorate the hammock? Yeah. Nice. Yeah, how would Billy try and nice up a hammock? Oh, he steals the blankets from other hammocks. Okay. And he starts like padding it out for our hammock and making a nice nest on the ground for Billo. Yeah. Sorry, we also have the fanny pack.

We could set that up on the boat. Yeah. Oh, shit. We'll be like, well, we're fine. Yeah. Yeah. Actually, speaking of that, because Mears and Perel didn't come with you for this, like, section. Oh. And Milton comes down into the lower deck that you're in and goes, hey, that kid, the little kid that you hung out with. Yeah. The little nerd kid. Yeah. He asked me to give you this. And he holds up the fanny pack. Oh, sick. He left a note. He left a note?

Yeah, he left a note next to this that said give this to Tacoma Dome. Where is he? Didn't see him. He left a note. What? Where's the note? And he holds up the note. It says, hey, Milton, give this to Tacoma Dome. Signed, Mears. What the fuck? Yeah, who writes signed? Yeah. And there's a little heart. It says, love, Mears, with a little heart next to it. So Mears and Perel are not on the boat? No. Where are they? Can we go find them? Yeah, we go find them.

I bet if you guys think about this for, like, a couple seconds, you'll figure it out. They're in the fanny pack. Okay. No, we are like, stop the preparations. Wait, our friends are on shore. Big and Duck are, like, halfway. Yeah, you just hear us. We're like, Mears! Mears! I won't forget about you! Billy's in the middle of, like, fluffing a bunch of throw pillows into, like, a nice, like, pile for us. I'm like, oh, guys? Actually, actually, so do you run?

Do you run to the tunnels and start checking for Mears? Oh, yeah, because we're too stupid to realize that they're in the fanny pack. So actually, Billy's the only one that, I guess. Oh, yeah, because you guys left the fanny pack just on the floor, and I go, like, grab it, and I'm like, this is kind of heavier than usual. Billy's shaking it around. What the fuck is happening with the Melton, you asshole? And I feel Perel in there. Like, I feel I'm like, oh. No, like, sorry, that sounds gross.

I feel like the magic. Ball fondling motion. Who has balls this big? Anyway, I feel like Perel's magic coming through. Totally, yeah. Yeah, so I'm like, guys, I have something to tell you. We're gone. Okay. Yeah. Well, I sit there, I'm like, look, look, come back. So, Tuck and Ving, you two fucking idiots, are running through the tunnels yelling for Mears, and Tuck, you're running, going through the tunnels, going like, do you see Mears? Do you see Mears? Like, grabbing people.

Grabbing random pirates. Yeah. Did you see some sort of musketeer-looking ball old man? Yeah. I'm like, do you see, like, a weird nerdy kid with a metal hand who's, like, arms are too large for his torso, and his ears are weirdly big for his head? He's getting scared. He's getting scared. And you are running through the tunnels, and you get to a tunnel that's kind of closer to the entrance, and, uh, something seems off. I stop.

You see a shape, like, near the entrance, kind of, kind of, uh, like, hunched against the wall. I discern realities. Okay, 2d6 plus wisdom. Eleven. Oh my god, so you get three questions. Twelve, actually. Yeah, so you get three questions. What here's not what it appears to be?

You wait, and it's just your night vision is, uh, adjusting, because you come from the surprisingly well-lit caves to this really dim entrance, and you notice that it is, uh, Crystal Bay Pirate is unconscious against the wall. Who's unconscious? Knocked out. Seeming asleep or unconscious or something. Who's really in control here? I would say still technically the Crystal Bay Pirates. Because this is their headquarters. Technically.

So anything that's about to happen, they'll probably have the advantage. Something's popping off. What's about to happen? And as you're like, is that a person? That's, somebody got knocked out. The, uh, the light at the entrance of the tunnel is obscured by a huge, hulking shape. And you just hear, I found you, you chunky little monkey. Oh, fuck. It's Fatim. And a few like, light guard warriors step in from behind him.

So I wanna take the axe and like, scrape it all across the inside of the cave and cause like a massive cave-in. Uh, so I'm gonna say, if I danger strength. So 2d6 plus strength. 8, 9, 10. I mean, yeah, you do it, right? Yeah. Like, nothing bad happens. This is your, this is your purview. So describe how this works. So I like, I clocked that it's Fatim and I don't even say anything to him. I yell back into the cave. The light guard is here. Yeah. I'm just like, run! Light guard!

And I like, scrape the axe all along the inside of the cave a couple of times, causing as much of a cave-in as I can. Uh, and then I start running back to the dock. And everyone that I pass, I'm like, get out! Light guard is coming. Yeah, and people start scrambling. They're grabbing supplies, they're grabbing weapons. Like ants, they start heading inward. Like, they go into the side of this cliff and you don't know where they're going. Where's Ruby?

Uh, Ruby runs up and is like, what's happening? And I grab her and I'm like, listen, we have to ignore the sexual tension between us and everything that happened. This isn't about that. The light guard are here. And she just opens her eyes and she throws your, she goes, get to the ship. And she runs past you. She runs towards Fatim? She goes, launch as quickly as possible. And I'm like, are you going to fight Fatim? Don't do that. I'm going to protect my people. Do you need help?

I can come help. I've fought him before. I lost, for sure. But I, I have, I fought him. Uh, I've lost every fight I've ever fought this guy. Okay. This is what this organization is designed to do. We can protect ourselves. You can go just leave. Okay. And then I grab her hand and I'm like, I won't forget you rubsy. My head. It's like run away because I just was so flustered. I said a weird name.

You know, the thing where you're like talking, you try and do a cool goodbye and you're like, fuck as I'm running away. I'm like, did you call her rubsy? I think I called her rubsy. As you're running away, Ruby goes. Coma. I stopped. I look back and she looks at you and says, we did have sex. And then she, uh, she says you were fine and she gives you a two finger salute and she cuts a rope next to her and that section of the cave caves in. What? I turned to being like, that's my girlfriend.

I'm like, stop. Awesome. Tacoma. High five. Punching the air and running. I've forgotten how terrified I was. And we cut back to Billy. What's Billy doing? Billy is like laying on his tummy, kicking his feet and he's zipped open the pouch. And he's like having a quiet chat like that's this is really nice. Yeah. Okay. So you can just hear Mears and Perel are like, so did they figure it out? No, but I think they're going to come back. Is it comfy? And you hear, uh, is that you, Francis?

I just try to stick my head in the bag. I can't see you. Yeah. Yeah. Billy Francis is in here. Do you have enough food to eat? Yeah, there's like I grab I grab some stuff. What stuff from the pirates? What? What stuff? It's mostly like dried meat and like some bread stuff that tastes really bad. You want me to shove in some other food when you have the chance? Yeah. Okay. Okay. Breakfast, lunch and dinner. I'll do it.

And while Billy's having this conversation, a crew member walks by and stops near you, Billy, and looks down and goes, what are you doing? What? I just take like I I. Pull my face out of the bag. Don't put bags over your head. You're going to hurt yourself. I'm fine. My friends live in the bag and I'm just talking to them. So you don't have to worry about me. You don't have to worry about my friends in here. His face is like frozen while you're saying this.

And then he says, I can't believe we're bringing a fucking kid to see if you have friends. They could probably fit in the bag, too. And he walks away. Okay, no problem. It's like this kid's going to get us fucking killed. Put my face back in the bag. Yes. And then at this point you hear bang, bang, bang. People yelling, like shouting, screaming. You hear the like there's like drums like throughout the whole cave. Yeah. And you hear shove off, shove off. Oh, guys, I gotta go. What's going on?

I don't know. There's so much drums and tucking being you make it back to the and Dan's at the deck and he's like, what's going on? We're getting the fuck out of here. That's what's going on. Okay. All aboard to to Kingsley as Dan's going to to Kingsley literally pushes him to the ground and starts barking orders like stow the lines bat in the hatches, pull up the gang plank.

It's like he starts giving orders and the people he's giving orders to start giving orders and tuck doesn't really know much about boats, but he knows a lot about Fatim and he knows that fucking rock slide is not going to slow him down. He's seen Fatim do some fucked up stuff like when they were kids. Fatim fought a horse to death. Oh my God that Fatim is fucked up seriously. And that was like a mean horse the horse started it.

That was the meanest horse in McCall to Fatim's great the meanest horse in McCall and we all know horses are always big bullies. Yeah. Yeah. So you guys are trying to like shove off as quickly as possible. Yeah, it's happened. Lines are being thrown. So yeah, tuck knows that nothing is stopping Fatim as he's running down the dock. He's smashing you know how like lines are tied to like the posts.

The post he's smashing each post he runs past instead of cutting the lines because he also doesn't really know anything about boats. Yeah or caves. Yeah. So he like smashes every single post and then runs up onto the gang the poster made of wood. You'd have to roll for it. Yeah, 2d6 plus strength. Well, fuck my ass. Okay. Yeah. So Kingsley is yelling at people to like throw the lines and there's a guy who's trying to untie this huge line pull the loop up and you just run by and shatter it.

Time we gotta go. Yeah, and that's that like everybody sees what you're doing and they all get up on deck and so a bunch of people run below deck Billy. You see a bunch of people run to decks down. Yeah, they start putting these huge poles out the side of the boat to like pull the ship out of the cave because they can't sail because there's no wind in here. But it's pretty slow going. Should we maybe get water's help? Oh, yeah, that's a better idea.

I was thinking wind, but yeah, water is probably less uncontrolled opportunity for what's the name of the move elementary my dear elements 2d6 plus was dead 12. Okay. So on a on a 10 plus what happens with elemental mastery on a 10 plus choose to the effect you desire comes to pass you avoid paying nature's price and you retain control. So let's the effect we desire comes to pass and I would like to retain control.

Oh smart move would this be a good opportunity to perhaps have a little spirit conversation with the spirits being considers himself to have enslaved during his shape-shifting. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Yeah right now because I mean you changed into a bat and you changed into a whale. So maybe while you're calling up like the spirit of water your perception shifts for the first time in a really long time to your perception of the spirit world.

You feel your gills fill with the spiritual energy that they usually do that allows you pass between realms. Everything slows down like underwater. Cool. Is that what happens when you shape-shift or call elementary and elementary master? See see! Who made this game? Yeah.

So it's that kind of thing where it looks like everybody is frozen in place but also as if they're deep underwater their clothes are moving their hair is moving and you're just standing still in the middle of the deck and the spirit of the whale the killer whale is swimming around you. Yes. Hello. No one's seen you in a long time. What are they saying? They're saying that you abandoned us. That the bridge between worlds was severed. But I thought I thought it was letting you live your life.

We live our lives. I'm… He's very apologetic. He's like, please forgive me. I didn't… I wasn't thinking. I just… You came to my mind and I just… I'm sorry for… I'm sorry for doing that to you. Forgiveness is not necessary. Any spirit that has answered your call has done so willingly. Except that fucking eagle. Your presence in the spirit world, the presence of your physical form was an anomaly. An event that we do not understand.

But every spirit that has served you has served with you, not for you. So that means… That you're okay with it? It is an honor. It is an honor. It is an honor. It is an honor. It is an honor. It is an honor. It is an honor. And the… You see the shadow of the Thunderbird pass above you. It darkens Killer Whale. It darkens the deck of the ship. And you see… You look up and you see the Thunderbird flying above you as if it's flying above the surface of the water.

And the Killer Whale looks up and says, To have forged a bond with a spirit that powerful means that you are worthy of the gift the spirits choose to imbue you with. I am the Spirit Walker. You are the Spirit Walker. You now feel your connection to the spirit world like strengthening. And you feel a little bit tethered to Killer Whale. And you feel this predatory kind of hunger sitting in you. Like this hunting instinct. Like you feel the spirit of Killer Whale is still lingering in you. Cool.

Does it fade over time? It probably will. But I think… If before it does, it's going to get you in trouble. All right. Yeah. I'll take that. Yeah. Yeah. So that's the price. Is that Killer Whale is like, Oh no. There's nothing wrong with this. This is how you're supposed to be. Oh yeah. And that makes sense that he'd be the one to like really beef him up. Yeah. So you got this. And then your perception shifts back to the material world. And the water swells up around the boat.

And you feel yourself in perfect control of the spirit of water. Yes. As you carry the boat out of the cave. You thread it through the walls of stone that hide the cave from view. The water looks like there's like a water hand on one side and then a water crystal hand on the other. Yeah. It's perfectly mirroring the position of Ving's hands as you cradle this ship in the arms of the ocean. Billy and I like slowly creep up behind him and very softly go, Pah!

Pum, pum, pa-da-dum, pum, pa-da-bum, pum, pa-da-bum, pum, pa-da-bum, pum, pa-da-bum, and then kingsley's like that's offensive stop it that's our song and uh so as you're cradling the boat and passing the ship through these walls of stone you hear boom boom boom and shards of stone like pour into the cave from the tunnel entrance that ruby collapsed and fathom is standing there with a bunch of light guard warriors and you can see from here his veins he's he's flexing so hard he's furious he's drank so much creatine this morning he's like he's bellowing after you and you can hear him saying I'm gonna get you to coma dome yeah thing just turns around and does two fingers up in the giant fingers middle fingers of water come up out of the bay suck it bit and the water just pours into the cave and fathom and the light guard warriors are washed back down the tunnel and but you're out in the open ocean and kingsley's like drop the sails and these huge sails just come unrolling billowing flapping in the wind uh and the the spirit of water has dissipated and now you're just like sailing on momentum and they're looking to catch the wind yeah yeah I mean what now yeah I guess we kind of look around the harbor like take stock of where we're at right now okay yeah I mean we could get into certain realities oh yeah great plus wisdom yeah eight eight okay great so you get one question from the list uh what's about to happen so they're trying to be as stealthy as possible in their ship as they escape but everyone is trying to get to the is on pretty high alert.

So stealthy that double middle finger giant water hand. Fat him, whatever. Fuck fat him. Yeah, no. That was in the cave. What happens in the cave stays in the cave. Yeah. That's what Ruby told me before we had sex. Now I'm remembering. And she was pointing at her vagina. Wow. I'm not leaving that in. No, you're not. Okay, so what's about to happen? You hear someone from the crow's nest go, ships, ships! Turns to Billy and Vig. He's like, did he say shits? Shits.

And you pass the point of rock that is this turn in the cliff where they were hiding their ship. And you see vessels that look like they're part of the Crystal Bay militia, basically, like the Customs Navy are outfitted under full sail. You see the purifier has astoundingly not sunk. Whoa. It's missing a huge chunk of it, but it hasn't sunk yet. Somehow. It's not functional though, right? It's actually moving a little bit. Are you kidding me?

Its sails are not working, obviously because you cut them all down. Uh-huh. But you can see the water behind it is bubbling and steaming. Oh, fuck. Oh, he said ships. Shit. Yeah, so now it's like they're trying to figure out how to get out of here. But they are still trying to get a good, wind. Can you lay it out for us? So the point of rock that the cave entrance is in is just north of Crystal Bay, and that's where your ship is coming around.

As you come around that point, you see a little bit further down the coast where Crystal Bay actually is, all the Customs ships that are under sail and looking for you. And to the west, about a kilometer off the shore, is the line of graves with the storm wall that marks the graves of the Sea of Graves. And the purifier in its absolutely fucked up but somehow still running shape is also in the bay with the Customs ships. And how many ships are there? Three, and the purifier, yeah.

So there's three Customs ships and the purifier. And they're all to the south of us? Yes. And Kingsley is ordering everybody around. Everyone's trying to get the sails aligned and is yelling basically like, we're gonna run for it. And he's starting to turn the wheel to the north. Alright, let's see what this baby can do. Hold on to your butts. I hold on my butt. Is this how you ride the boat? This is the way of the sea. Oh, man. Okay. Okay.

And Ving, it's at this point that you realize you're definitely used to ice racing boats. Sorry, that's ice racing. You hold your butts. Out here, I don't know what the fuck. And this boat is taking a while to get going. You see the Customs ships are basically under full sail and they're catching up on you fast. Shit. Yeah. Oh, I take the fanny pack from my waist and I open it up and I'm like, hey, you guys, do you know how to make a boat go really fast? Oh, they're in the fanny pack. Yeah.

Oh, that makes so much sense. I have to feed them breakfast, lunch and dinner, though. Oh, yeah. Now we have food in here. We said that. No, it's not very good, though. And you hear pro say, wait, did you say make a boat go really fast? Why? What's happening? Well, we're sailing out of the cave and we have to run from the other ships and they're really fast and we are not fast. Run from the other ships. Which other ships? I think it's the Coast Guard. It's called the Light Guard, Billy. Sorry.

The Light Guard. So Perel is saying there's nothing that I can do from in here. Could you could you run below deck real quick? Sure thing. Come on, guys. Yeah, I guess we all run. And you run below deck and flip the and I had already run into like a private more private zone and I'm like dumping Perel. Oh, the bag. Okay. Is this helping? He does tumble out onto the ground and he hops up and he dusts himself off and he's he's wearing the remains of his musketeer outfit. Where did your clothes go?

He's taken the shirt off. He's just wearing the vest. He doesn't have the hat. So he's bald. He still has the mustache. He's cut off the leather pants. You cut them? How short? Like just below the knee. So they're like jorts. Like frees. I think you will find that these are typical amongst sailors. Now, what seems to be the problem? Your outfit. Well, we have to we have to get the boat going a lot quicker to get away from the Light Guard. Hmm. I don't know how. All right.

Let me take a look at it. So he walks up on deck and he goes, can you can you distract everybody? Oh, sure thing. I'm going to do some magic stuff. I go up to the chef. Okay. So what you cooking here? Oh, it's just a stew. Yeah. Cool. Tell me about it. Okay. It's carrots and potatoes. I'm going to finish. It after we escape. Probably we got time. You know, I I'm really keen to know about what's going on in the stew. Okay. It's I got a carrot. Well, what are those? It's like, okay.

Do you want to roll to distract this one guy? Okay. So 2d6 plus charisma seven. Okay. Thank goodness. So yeah, he starts explaining carrots to you and then he explains potatoes to you and a fish and the food. Yeah. And since Billy is a tuber. Yeah, exactly. I pull another a couple sailors like, hey guys, come here. Yeah. Some of them are like, no, but they're all because they're like focused on trying to escape. Yeah. But you have successfully distracted people below deck.

What are being in tuck doing tuck runs up on deck and he are there like cannons on the ship? Yes, there are a few on the top deck. So he runs up top deck and he like finds a cannon and he finds the pirate that's closest to it. And I'm like, are you using this right now?

I know we're trying to get away and I'm like, all right, I'm going to borrow it for a second and I slice through the lines that are holding it in place and I wheel it to the back of the ship and point it towards like the all the ships that are chasing. Okay. 2d6 plus strength to move a cannon on your own. This is simultaneously a distraction and an attack. Yeah, totally nine. Oh, I'll do you want to eat? Yeah, that might so 2d6 plus bond. So seven eight. Okay, great.

So push with me and you haul this cannon to the back deck and Kingsley's like, what are you doing plan? I just say the word plan. I like plan training so much. Okay. So yeah, what's your plan here? I'm just going to like start firing cannon balls backwards at the purifier and it's I like I'm just I'm trying to distract everyone on the ship. So they're looking at me, which is the most obvious thing that's happening. Yeah. And then also I'm trying to sink some of the ships. Yeah. Okay.

I guess this would be a volley. So 2d6 plus dexterity and I do tie. I tie. It to the yeah rails before I fire six shit. Yeah, I mean I could saving throw or whatever. Yeah, I guess we could aid probably. Yeah. Yeah. You're tying it to the back of the thing. How am I going to aid? I don't know, you know, not yeah, I guess I know not like you grab it from him and you're like no, this is how you do it. Yeah, it's not a shoelace. We have to we have to anchor this fucking here. Let me do it.

Holy shit monster roll there. Wow 13 7 so that makes it a 7 to 9 on volley. So on a 7 to 9 on volley. What do you get 7 to 9 choose one. You have to move to get the shot placing you in danger of the GM's choice. You have to take what you can get minus 1d6 damage. You have to take several shots reducing your ammo by one. I'm going to choose you have to move. To get the shot placing you in danger of the GM's choice. Maybe it means you have to like get on top of the cannon.

I think it's I think it's a broader danger. He pretends it's his dick. Yeah, it gets hot and it burns. That's what I'm doing to try and distract everyone and I am like, hey guys look and then I push my crotch up against it. I'm like, it's like my dick just amazing and I'm like, has anyone ever done this gig and then you Ving puts the torch thing to the thing and it fires and you feel the cannon totally just buck between your legs but roll your damage roll a d10 puke on five five.

Okay, so the cannonball arcs through the air slamming into the like front nose of one of the custom ships punching a pretty sizable hole in its all and what a load bro and impressive but the actual danger that it places you in is you see the purifier has come around and it's pointing towards your fleeing ship now and is hauling ass shit like the you can see like a plume of steam coming up from behind the ship and it is moving it's starting to pass other custom ships from a dead stop you turn around Ving you see Perel near the mast and he's got it gripped in both hands like he's got a hand on either side of the mast and you see the sails a little bit higher up the poles that they're attached to start to lengthen they're lengthening but they're thinning and the sails are getting wider whoa and the wind is starting to pick up as it fills in the sails and the ship lurches forward a little bit as it increases in speed cool and billy you feel the ship lurch underneath your feet what you got he's got a mouthful of stew what's the cook saying now so this is a onion it's like a root vegetable a flower comes out of it the flowers are pretty what do you think this is really good does the boat do this often no that's that's a lot faster than I expected it to be going shouldn't lurch like that I'm gonna go down the boat stairs you tell the rest of the guys the rest of the stew recipe and perel runs back downstairs like perel comes up and he goes billy billy what I did it that's great what happened to you uh I I didn't know a boat boat moved so much oh that was that was me oh dang do you want are you are you gonna be okay do you want to come back up do you need some air oh okay he's just like yeah whatever yeah do whatever you want to do great yeah so the ship has been fired on and it's moving now but the purifier is starting to catch up and it's at this point you see the hole in the side of it is substantial and perel is talking to you ving he's like was that the purifier up there uh yeah that thing should have come down should have but it's not and it's gaining on us what are we gonna do I don't know you're the wizard I already did my thing did you see what I did pretty slick why you look ridiculous oh no I thought I looked like a sick and he looks around at all the other sailors and he's like and they're all like they're just wearing they're just wearing pants and shirts like regular clothes yeah he's like this is how sailors dressed when I was oh it was a hundred years ago wasn't it yes it was that was a hundred years ago you look like a sailor's babysitter oh man I gotta fix this the sandals those too much yeah they're too much give me the sandals okay throws them overboard no uh and tuck what is tuck doing tuck is on the ground next to the cannon cradling his testicles he really hurt himself okay great yeah I mean the last thing that you gotta that you the thing that you have to worry about right now is that the purifier is going to catch up to you very soon unless you do something drastic and they're probably going to try and board you I mean yeah we're just not going to do wind right wind left he's not coming around anymore well even just in the terms of elemental mastery think of all the other elements that vin can summon like it's not just like rocks from yeah bring it or from the cliff side oh yeah or the or wind like the storm like you could try to pull like some of the storm from the sea of graves yes that's that's the that's good oh yeah tuck has heard that like this the storm in the sea of graves is malicious like it hunts shit ships kind of general spell or yeah totally okay cool plus intelligence five so is I've never succeeded a spell or it's so funny because it uses your intelligence you idiot what if what if you tell us the opposite of that yeah I actually heard the storms in the sea graves are pretty nice guys and I'm so disoriented from that fucking knock to the nards so I am like I'm not going to do that I'm not going to do that I'm not going to do that I'm not going to do that I'm not going to do that I'm not going to do that I'm not going to do that and I'm like vank do it do the storm thing it's supposed to help travelers or pirates or something or not I don't remember yeah things just do it because I don't want to be going as fast anymore we're both pretty at a convention yeah so that was a that was a failure failure yeah which is I get to make a hard move yes as hard as I want roll a d10 d10 boom boom two two Okay, then that's not too bad.

You are standing there, like, cradling your nuts, talking to Ving and all your friends about what you should do, and you hear Kingsley just bellow in terror, Hit the deck! And a sheet of fire rolls over the deck of the ship. Oh, my God. Fuck! When Kingsley yells that, you notice all the Crystal Bay pirates hit the deck instantly. Like, he yells, hit, and they all drop. But Tuck tries to drop, but he's the biggest here. And he's not very agile right now. Because he just got wailed in the balls.

And you take a little bit of the brunt of the fire. Singes his butt hairs. Exactly. And you look back, and you see the Purifier just picking up steam. And on the front of the deck, standing against the wind, his robes flapping, billowing. His robes billowing against his taut old man muscles is the Torch of McCall. Wow, look at those flaps. Pretty decent. I set up for that. And it's at this point you're like, oh, yeah, there weren't any cannons on the Purifier. And you realize he's the cannon.

Shit. Bing looks back at the fire and sees all the flaps billowing and then looks at his friend and Tuck's a little singed and then looks off in the distance to see graves and there's big lightning flashing, thunder rolling. Oh, yeah. You can see this infinite plane of pillars. You can barely see inside of it because of the storm wall. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. You can see in the foreground and background randomly.

You see crazy lightning strike. Like that place Exegol from the last Star Wars movie where it's just like storms everywhere. Totally. Yeah. So scary. Lightning's coming in and hitting the tops of the pillars. It's only striking on their rods. At the tops? At the tops of them and then jumping to other ones. Whoa. Make a circle. Yeah. Give me a 2D6 plus wisdom. This is dangerous. This is very dangerous. I know. This is very… Ving's asking for help from the Thunderbird. Holy shit. Nice, 11.

I'm not going to retain control. Oh. Because it's a storm. So that makes sense. Right? It'd be really hard to control it. Yeah. Especially an angry one like that. Yes. Yeah. Mythical. So Ving looks back and sees Billy's sick and scared and there's fire and things are singed and people are freaking out. And he's like, I don't want to… Guys, I got an idea. I got to go. I'll be right back. Just trust me. What? Just trust me. Okay.

And he's running to the front of the deck and he jumps off the front of the deck. Whoa. You just see him jump off like swan dive, like he's jumping into the water and goes out of sight off the front of the boat and then pops up on the Thunderbird. So sick. Yeah. Yeah. Does a loop. A loop around goes around and gets a good view of the purifier as he's curling up. So if there's anything useful you'd like to tell me about seeing that.

Well, you could roll me a certain realities on the purifier to this. Nine. Okay. So you get one question. What here is useful for me? As you're whipping past, you get a good close look and you notice that the side that Perel was able to turn to mud is the side that you and Billy initially… Oh, yeah. …climbed up on destroying some of the ruins on the side of the ship. And the other side has totally intact ruins. Cool. Okay. Well, we should fuck up more of those ruins sometime.

And the captain's still there. The one with the braids in his beard. The runes are like protective then to the ship. That's what Ving notices. Yeah. Ving notices that the captain smiles when he sees the Thunderbird. Weirdly. Yeah. Big fan. And then Ving swoops up and goes up into the sky and heads towards the sea. Towards the storm. Like everybody just sees Ving go into this black cloud.

So Ving flies away from the purifier, goes into the eye of the storm where all the lightning's happening and heads up high into the sky and holds his crystal hand as high as he can above the head of the Thunderbird, standing on the back of the Thunderbird. And the lightning is coming in from all different places. Multiple bolts of lightning hitting his fingers. And then they start flying back towards the ships. And the lightning is coming with him. He's pulling it.

And the storm is following too. And the storm is following in behind. Yeah. The rolling clouds are pouring out over the water through the barrier of the Sea of Graves. And Billy sees the waves pick up. And they're like foaming and they're dark and steel gray. Mm-hmm. Cool. The ship starts pitching like crazy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They can just see this. Big black bank. And it's being lit up. And there's like a growing light in this black rolling bank of clouds.

And as it's getting brighter and brighter and brighter and it's coming more and more to the front of that storm. And then it parts, breaks open. And there's Ving on the front of the Thunderbird pulling the lightning by the reins. That's so cool. So the storm comes with you. Ving is like this rider at the front of this huge… Huge storm. And all of the people on all of the ships look to the west and see this powerful, magnificent figure on the back of an enormous bird with… Reins of lightning.

Yeah. In his hand. Holding on to the tuft on the back of the Thunderbird and raining in the storm. So cool. Cool. So sick. And as he gets close to the ships pursuing you, he takes the lightning in his hand and he almost throws the storm ahead of him. And it roils out. In this great massive wall of dark gray clouds. That engulfs the ships pursuing you. You hear splintering explosions, screams on the wind, and like huge splinters of wood fly out of the bank of clouds.

And you think, that's got to be it. And then passing through the storm just behind you, the prow of purifier, the torch of McCall standing strong at its front, comes out of the bank of clouds. And on the wind, you hear chimes. And then the storm engulfs the west wind as well. And your vision goes dark. So… So… So… So… So… So… So… So… So… So… So… So… So… So… So… So… So… So… So… There is a woman scorned.

Rests and stone engraved, secrets whispered neath the waves. A language written but not read, adorns the maiden's salty bed. A door beneath the ocean floor, she needs a lock and nothing more. For in the bed of women scorned, there is a nation no one mourns. The moon has lost her favorite son. Now all are gone, save for one. Humans, halflings, elves, and sprites, no one sails on stormy nights. Tell the children and the grown, no one sails between the stones. The moon has lost her favorite son.

The moon has lost her favorite son.