Episode 3 – Moth Form

It's gonna be really strong. Uh-oh. Jessica, what are you about to drink? Nothing. Is that coffee? Don't drink it if it's- Are you Pirelling right now? No! Jessica, no! I have to stay awake somehow. Your eyes are very open. Gonna have an anxiety attack. Yes! Gather round, friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes, noble and bold. A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old. You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring.

So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing. Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight. Thing is half-elf, he shifts his shape and wields a spear with great might. Billy's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart. Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts. So gather round, friends. And listen close, for the tale's about to start. Hello everybody and welcome to Spout Lore.

I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara, and joining me, as always, playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian, Abdul Aziz. Hello. Playing Ving the half-elf druid, Paul Oppers. Hi! Playing Fat Billy the halfling thief, Jessica Tai. Hello. When last we left our heroes, they'd pulled the heist of the century. No! Breaking into a government office. The stakes have become so low on our bench. I know.

Literally, the finale of season six was halting the release of an ancient moon goddess at the hands of an evil wizard. And now we're like, bureaucratic is being done. And it worked, for the most part. You kind of oceans elevened your way through this government office. We weren't even the only ones oceaning and leavening. Yeah. Yeah. Several other crimes taking place at the same time. Thirteen through twenty still. Yeah. Some wild shit's happening in McCall right now.

In total, in terms of crews, there were around eleven to thirteen people in the building. Some could say eight, depending on sort of when it was happening, but it was between eight to eleven and thirteen. I wonder if they were all trying to get to the codex. Maybe. And he just like saw sequential people. Wait, what the hell is this? I like to think it's a regular thing. People break in to talk to him because they don't want to wait. And he's cool with it just because he likes talking to people.

Yeah. Yeah. If you try to talk to Onyx, he'd be like, get the fuck out of here. Don't make me come over there. It will take eight weeks. Yeah. So you broke in, you talk to Granite, the dwarven codex, who has an encyclopedic memory of the last two hundred years. Finding out that the disused well that you were looking for. Was covered up on the corner of Ibis Street and Tourmaline Crescent, which is a intersection deep in the heart of the territory of a group called the Jackals.

Granite said, you've probably heard of the Jackals since you've been here. They're just like, we thought they were a band. Yeah. I thought they were a bunch of dogs. It's a bunch of dogs that roam the street. Yeah. Yeah. You saw them at night. You're like, oh, there they are. There's the Jackals. Oh, yeah. But you just saw a Jackal. There he is. He's going to get the other one. It was. Get out of here. It was. It was. It was a Chihuahua with the name tag Jackal. Yeah. Jacqueline. Jacqueline.

Oh, my God. There they are. Billy can barely read. It's okay. A little better. I know J's. I've seen a J. That must be them. Ja. Watch out, Kevin. That's a wily boy. That's a girl. Oh, no, Billy. It's a Jack. It's a dog. Kevin. Yeah. So you found out that the intersection that you need to investigate. Is in the heart of the territory of a gang called the Jackals. And you escaped by the skinnier pants. I don't wear pants. So. Also, pants don't have skin. I skinned my butt. Get out of there.

By my chapped ass. We escaped. And that is where we find our heroes now. What do we say? You just make it back to your apartment. Well, I feel like we could just go straight to the flagstone. You're just going to go. You're not going to worry about the fact that you've been up all night. You're just going to go right for it. No, I think we need to go to Octo Perel at least. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And also, I should have a shower. I'm still covered in goat shit.

Yeah. Please. Yes. And thank you. Yeah. Maybe we need to go sleep for a few hours. I think we have to sleep because Billy was woken up at, you know, by Perel earlier that day. Yeah. He was like, oh, here we go. Ving is being driven insane by goat mites. Oh, yeah. Right. You need to shower too. Ving got goat mites. I need a bath. We have to give Ving a vinegar bath. I need a vinegar bath. Yeah. Yeah. Let's stop at a pharmacy and get some goat mite solution. Yeah. Yeah. It's good.

There's a grocery store that's underground in a big pit. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Whole Foods. Oh, yeah. Oh, fuck. God damn it. Yeah. Pretty good. Yeah. Pretty good when I do it. Not when Sean does it. There's a deep ward grocery store called Whole Foods. Oh, I hate it. Oh, it's so expensive, but they do have the natural stuff you like. It's true. And it's actually, it's unusual because unlike many places in the deep ward, it is like open air all the way up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's stairs that you can go climb just right to the surface. They call it the Guggenheim of grocery stores. So, yeah, you just hit up Whole Foods, grab some vinegar. Oh, and I see some nice waffles for sale. Really miss getting these for free. Are we not stealing anymore from grocery stores? I mean, I guess you can, but it sounds like you guys are just shopping. I think we're just shopping. Just getting groceries. Are we not stealing anymore from grocery stores?

It's what Tonga's saying while we're standing in line with a camera. Are we not stealing anymore? I guess that's what I ask every time we go to a grocery. Because I'm just confused. We get up to the cashier and you're like, all right, Billy's going to trick this kid. We're going to come up with some lies. Billy just puts three coins on the counter. You're like, what the fuck? Are we not stealing? Why are we not stealing from grocery stores anymore? Well, because we just need to get the stuff.

But it's what we did on the road. Yeah, but it was different. That's road life, man. Yeah, now we have a home. We're McAleese now. Fine. Tuck takes a bunch of chocolate bars out of his backpack and throws them on the belt. The belt? There's a teenage dwarf with a crank. It's an elf. It's not an elf. It's a dwarf. It's actually a dwarf. Like, hey, I'm getting paid. Basically, it's a living. Crank, crank, crank, crank, crank. I don't think McCall has a lot of enchanted places. Oh, yeah.

I don't think there are elves over here. It's more of a principalities thing. Yeah. Maybe Grimsby's here. Or maybe Grimsby's been to McCall. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so you just go grocery shopping, get some fresh juice, then you head home. Yeah. Covered in shit. And actually, when you get up top, it's all nightlife stuff. Because you guys were working the night shift. Billy King found you. Right. It's probably about three in the morning. Yeah. Yeah, so stuff's starting to open up.

The stuff, it opens up really, really early. But for the most part, it's all lit by the neon glow of sandworm lighting. So we're on Cliffside. You're in the Cliffside neighborhood, yeah. Yeah. Right, because you guys live in Stepside. We live on the border of Cliffside and Stepside. It's up for debate. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Whole Foods is definitely in Stepside. Oh, yeah. Yeah. There's a campaign right now to move Stepside down or back. Yeah.

Yeah, people petition, be like, I don't want to live in Cliffside. I live at Stepside. Actually, yeah. So I guess you go from Stepside to Cliffside. So it's like beautiful gas lanterns, torches, bonfires, and you transition into the neon glow of the sandworm lighting. We should probably let the listeners know. I don't know that they know about the sandworm lighting. Right. Yeah. Okay. So something that we kind of established like a year and a half ago. Yeah. During season three. Wow.

Season three. Okay. So a long time ago. So one of the things that we found is that sandworms exist outside McCall as sort of these huge docile desert whales almost. Yeah. In the Alcoholy Desert. Yeah. And one of the byproducts of their existence, because I think they filter sand for food. Mm-hmm. And the thing that they shit out basically is that sand turned into… Mm-hmm.

Into a apparently kinetically activated phosphorescent crystalline substance that is then worked into functionally neon signage. Yeah. And then is also used by poor people as a light source. Yeah. Neon lights are kind of like a low class light source in McCall. Yeah. Some of the rich kids are known to buy them and use them in their bedroom though to seem edgy. Totally. Yeah. Yeah. And the really edgy kids will have like a worked neon sign that says live nudes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Nude.

And there's some restaurants like street food places that are open. There are other places that are opening up next to places that have been open all night. Baklava. Mm-hmm. Can I have one? I mean, you would eat your wapple and see how you feel. Yeah. I already did. Where's your… Oh my God. Oh Jesus. He's kidding waffles. Okay. Yeah. We'll get, we'll buy you a baklava. Yes. Yes. Yes. Hi. Hi. It's me again. Hi. Hi. Hi. Just the usual, please.

The teenage McCollin girl, like just it goes and grabs like a box of baklava. No, no, no, no, no. Just one. Just one. Billy. No. It's we're going to bed. It's a bedtime baklava. It's the usual. Yeah. But for the morning. We have plenty of baklava at home. Sorry, kid. I got to listen to your parents. Just one. Here you go. Puts it in a little paper bag. Hands it off. Coin. Takes the coin. Thank you for your business. Keep walking down the street. Fine. Thank you. Thank you.

Jessica has her arms crossed and she's glowering. And I talked to Billy. I'm like, hey, you can't eat this baklava with your arms crossed. Fine. And you can't eat it without saying thank you. I did say thank you. And no one likes baklava when they're frowning. Thank you. Smallest little smile. Yeah. Begrudgingly smiles. I give it to him. Yeah. So you make it back to your apartment. It's all the lights are out, of course. Like this. We turn them all on. Oh, yeah. Cash is sleeping.

What are your lamps like? Oh, yeah. It's neon. Oh, you know what? I bet it is. I bet how you turn them on is you hit it and it like starts to light up. So the light switch is basically like a little lever with a stick on it that goes bong and hits it. And then it like lights up in the room. Oh, yeah. So it's like kinetically activated phosphorescence. And it stays lit for like a good long while. But you have to go and like bong it every once in a while. Yeah. Yeah. Get reactivated.

That's why it's for poor people because you got to keep doing it every like 30 minutes. Sometimes people think that shit's getting really romantic. You know, I just need to go bong the lights. No, no, no. No, no, no. I didn't mean that. No, no, no. I wasn't trying to make a move. I swear. I got to turn my lights back on. So you turn on all the lights and you guys just start doing the thing that shitty roommates do where you are working at full volume. Oh, yeah. The second you come home.

Ving instantly starts doing the dishes. Oh, no. I'm pouring Ving a bath and like loading it with vinegar. Thank you. No problem. And Tuck sits on the couch and relaxes. Covered in shit. Oh, no. So you start coming home. Ving is like moving dishes around. And Cash comes. He's bursting out of his room. Good morning. Look who's up bright and early. What the fuck is going on? It is. I can't even see a clock. It is so early. The sun isn't up. Where were you all?

Hey, we don't have to tell you a thing. You're our roommate, not our mom. He rolls his eyes. Two. Tuck. Yeah. Two. Billy. Ving has. He has fleas. And we're being proactive and like giving him a flea bath so that we don't get all furniture. Yeah. Ving has fleas. Actually, technically, they're mites. Mites. Yeah. What have you touched? And he's like, he comes out. He's in his like boxers, basically. And he's just stumbling around the room. Like, what did you touch? Did you sit on the couch?

He's like moving. Tuck off the couch. Get out of here. Move. Oh, don't touch him. Oh, what the fuck? He's looking at his hands. What the fuck is this? Oh, sorry. I crawled through goat shit to get away from an old bully. And he looks at the couch and he sees all the goat shit on the couch. He's just like, oh, my God. God of the flame. Burn me to ash where I stand. Where'd you get this robe? Ving. I'm going to go to my room. I want to go to my room. You want to wake up?

I don't want to see any of you. And he goes into his room and he slams the door. God. And you hear a crash. Oh, no. Uh-oh. I think we really messed it up. Man, what bit that guy's ass. Yeah. Ving, get in the tub. Even you're grossing me out. He's probably mad that his parents aren't as rich as they tell everyone they are. And I say that loud. Really loud. And there's silence from Cash's room for a moment. And then there's continued silence because he gets into bed.

And then continued silence for the next four to five hours. Yeah. So that's the situation. Okay. Yeah. We scrub Ving down. I also light a huge thing of Desert Sage and start smudging myself. Yeah. You guys just have the most disruptive hour where it's bathing Ving. And then bathing Tuck. Yeah. And then Tuck takes his huge post-work shit that he always takes. But he's got the door open so that he can have a conversation with Ving and Billy while they're in the living room. The living room.

The living room. Yeah. And he's leaning because you can't see totally. Like the toilet is like across from the door. So he's like leaning way over so he could see into the living room. But he can also see into Cash's room. Yeah. When the door's open. Yeah. It's rarely open. I'm using one of the big guest towels to clean up the shit off the couch because I feel really bad. I'm doing my best. You're just cleaning it with a dry towel. Well. It's like you're kind of smearing it in.

I'm also using my saliva. Like I spit on it. Oh, okay. Cool. I don't lick it. Okay. Yeah. I'm not dumb. Yeah. Perfect. I like the idea that. Not gross. Not dumb like Fatim. Yeah. Back to Fatim. And he's just like pushing the goat. What'd you say? What was that? He's fighting the goat on the steps. You fucking look at him. He's got it in a headlock. Of the council building. Yeah. You see? Who said I wasn't as strong as this goat? Who said I wasn't as strong as this goat? As things seem.

Is this happening? Oh, shit. I owe that goat an apology. I forgot about the eyes of the tiger on the goat. So yeah, he's just getting. He's in a headlock. You see massive thighs. I see a noogie happening. Yeah. Oh, wow. What a night. So yeah. Anyway, I'm sitting on the toilet leaning over talking to Billy in the bathroom and being like, hey, do you think we're inappropriately close with one another now? First of all, wipe your ass, buddy. I will. I'm just not done shitting. Okay. So sensitive.

I do the mid shit flush. Oh, nice. You mean just then there's more shit to come? Yeah, it's still going. Wow. I'm making eye contact with you. It's happening right now, isn't it? Yeah, it is. A hundred percent. It's crazy because you don't eat that much. I know, but it's all bergam fruit. Usually when I'm on shift, we get free bergam fruit. Okay. I understand. There's no such thing as free bergam fruit. You always pay for it. Yeah. You know, they say is you don't own bergam fruit.

You just rent it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You only think about this jackal group. No, I thought it was the dog, but apparently not. Can I use legends of guitar heroes? No. Okay. They're not heroes, but I could say that's a good spelt Lord. Okay. Spelt Lord about the jackal. See if I knew everything about them. Wowzers. Five plus intelligence is five. Yeah, baby. All right. Another point of experience over here.

The jackals kind of cropped up after you left. So you just don't know anything. Frick. Yeah. And how bad that failure is. Maybe we'll invest some time. Investigate in a little bit. Let's just go spy a little bit. Let's see what they're doing. What do you think, Bill? Let's go spy? I thought we should talk to Perel first to let him know that we found out some stuff. Right, yeah. We should tell him tomorrow morning. You guys wanna grab some sleepers? Yeah. Yo, let's get some shut-eye first.

Jessica is now in a yawn spiral. Yeah, so what does your guys' room look like? It's a triple bunk. Hammock, hammock, hammock. Yeah, three hammocks. As they go up. What kind of stuff's in your room? All of our adventuring stuff. Right, yeah. But Tuck has just thrown all his shit in a pile. He doesn't present it. So he's got a pile that's his pile and it's gauntlet, the billhook, the crystal billhook. The billhook, yeah. The knife that he has with him all the time. That I have a name for.

I have a name for that knife. What is it? The waning knife. Oh, sick name. Yeah. Because I said that there was moon designs on the sheath and I think it is a waning moon. Oh, sick. Like it looks like a crescent moon unless you know more about the moon and then you're like, the way this is shaded makes it look like it was full. The shadow is on the right. Yeah, the shadow's on the right, not the left. So it's a waning moon. So it's called the waning knife. And we, you don't really know anything.

Oh, actually no, we were going to say that Perel told you this. That the knife isn't made out of a normal metal. Oh, yeah. He would know. Yeah. So I think this is, that is something that came up. In the last four months is he told you the waning knife is made out of a thing called moon steel that they say is a type of ore that fell to the earth after the destruction of the moon that formed the coronet. Oh, wow. Cool. Yeah. It's exceedingly rare and extremely valuable. Chimes, let me keep this.

He said, if you lose it, you're going to regret it. So that's why Tuck always has it in his backpack. Because he's afraid of chimes. Yeah. You should be. Every time he takes it out of his backpack, his balls recede. Into his man. I miss chimes already. Yeah. I was going to say that you should because I remember you remember how he hit that mermaid that jumped out of the water. Yeah, I just punched her in the face. Yeah. You know how he moves and it sounds like a ship.

Yeah, I think when he punches he hits like a cannonball. Oh, sick. Yeah. Fuck. So cool. So cool. I love boats. I love the sea. I can't wait to do some flashbacks to our time with chimes. Yeah. I wonder what you guys got up to. Yeah, because it was a month long journey. Yeah. To get to McCall at least. Yeah. Anyway, Tuck's like shit from his adventures is all in a pile. And I think Billy is the loot in that pile too or is it in your own zone? The loot's in the pile. Some of it.

I put like the big bag of coins in the closet just because not because I thought. Yeah. I was like, I don't care, but I know they care. There's banks in McCall. I should say you could have a bank account. I just scrummage around for a coin. Yeah, there's just a big ball. But like when rents do, I'm like, okay, like they make me go practice my counting. I'm like one two one two two. And I'm like, I have to do this so many times.

And I bet like because I feel like Tuck doesn't bring Larry Terry and Chad to work. I bet they sleep in the hammock meant for Billy. Maybe that's the only thing he's hung up and he hung it in view of a window so that they could, look out. That's really nice. That's really sweet. So that he because he's like, I can't carry this around because the light guard knows this acts. So I'm just going to leave it here. Cool.

So yeah, all your weapons and armor and stuff in here because you don't just walk around strapped all the time. Yeah, cash came in one time and was like, what the fuck? And we're like, yeah, don't touch our stuff. I bet I came in one day while you were all away like he was cleaning. Yeah, he just opened the door and closed it. It right away. It's like raising. It's like Jumanji in a room. It's a bird flaps across the bird did fly. A bird got in the room. I said, good morning. Cracker, bro.

Yeah, man, because cash probably doesn't even have a sword like he's not that kind of guy. He doesn't need one. He's a clerk. He lives in a city. He's lived in a city his whole life. Probably never fought in his entire life. No, absolutely not. Even as a kid. He never got in an army fights. Yeah, and it shows his dad gave him a crossbow for his 12th birthday that he has in the closet just for self-defense. Yeah, purely for some home home protection. Yeah, they're worried about poor people.

There's a stand your ground law in McCall ever since the torture McCall took over. Wow, that sucks thing building like pot the carry shelving unit out of wood that he found around old crates and stuff. So he has all the stuff jars and stuff. Yeah, he has like a weekly group of people. He goes to he goes to an alchemy group because he has all these jars of like mystery liquid. So we're going to like a book club, but I'll give me club. Yeah, so y'all go to sleep.

You wake up with the sun or do you know I wake up when cash comes in to get his lunch. Oh, you're in the fridge, right? Always in the fridge. Billy has a hammock, but he sleeps in the fridge right morning cash and he closes the door. No wait, he closed the door. He's walking away. You're not from the inside. Yeah, you forgot your lunch. And he had cash leaves. He's really pissed at you guys. Dang it. Dang it.

And so yeah, like does everybody sleep less than they usually do or do people oversleep? Well, I think tuck rolls out of bed usually around noon. Okay, things usually up bright and early. Okay, so being when you're up puttering around you see out the front window that faces the street that you guys are on. What's the name of the street that your apartments on? Oh, uh, Abu Dib Abu Dib Road. Yeah. Yeah, cool. It means fat dad. Wow. Wow, that daddy man.

I was like, is that a road that you've like lived on or been to? Nope. No, it just means fat dad. Sick fat dad. Wow. Abudib Road. I thought that Abdul speaking English opened us up to a lot of issues. Abdul speaking a different language opens us up to even more Abu Dib Road was my least favorite Beatles album. The Beatles are a band that only Ving can hear. They're all just little Beatles. Oh my God. Oh my God.

So I think you see out the front window onto Abu Dib Road and you know, it's like there's the walkway that connects all the upper units in this apartment building and you see across the street the cafe that's under the studio apartment that Perel lives in. You see Perel at an outside table like having a late breakfast. What's he eating? Just like, can I suggest? Yeah.

Uh, like in Egypt, I think you can always get basically anywhere and it's so cheap is like for a single Egyptian pound you can get 10, falafel sandwiches or 10 like smashed fava bean sandwiches. 10 sandwiches? Yeah, it's fucking dirt cheap and it's so good. I love it. It will give you diarrhea, but it's great. Why do you eat 10 whole sandwiches? Because sometimes you're sad and you want to walk out to the ocean and eat 10 sandwiches on your own. Okay.

So he's not eating 10 sandwiches because he doesn't eat that much, but he's got like two and like a cup of coffee. What a waste. He bags them up for later. It's basically the same price. He's, yeah, actually he's broke and he lives in the studio apartment. He's probably buying 10 sandwiches and putting them in a bag. Yeah. And eating two and drinking the coffee that he bought. He put some of them in his fanny pack. He's got, it's a satchel. It's a hip satchel. Jesus Christ.

And actually I think, yeah, I think uh, Perel, having never been to McCall before, hadn't had coffee. Oh. And now he's had coffee for the first time. He's like, this shit fucking rules. For an hour or two in the morning. Yeah. He drinks coffee all the time. He shits himself silly because it's the fava bean sandwiches and the coffee. And he's just like, you know what? Worth it. And he, and Ving's like, you're wondering why you're not putting on mass. Shitting out all your protein every day.

Uh, yeah. So you see Perel across the street having breakfast. Good morning. Hey, old neighbor. He signals, he waves at you to come down. Yeah, I do. I do acrobats from like, uh, what's it called? Parkour. You do parkour down the building? I do parkour and like, um, gymnast you know, over signs and awnings because there's all these little ends of wood sticking out of these adobe things. Yeah. If you were to do parkour, it would have taken you less time to just go in a straight line to the cafe.

Oh, he does. It takes 15 minutes. Use the stair. Nevermind. And he lands back on his own roof. Oh, okay. He just walks down the stairs. He goes down the stairs. And then over. You have steps right outside your door that go right down to the street. I think there's like a balcony at this point of neighborhood ladies and dudes like all watching just being like, whoa. Wow. Oh, right. Cause he, cause Ving's like Bruce Lee shredded now. Yeah. Uh, yeah.

There's a smattering of applause as you land back on your roof. He's very embarrassed. But also he can't help but show off. And he's just sitting at a table at this cafe like, hey, how'd it go last night? How'd it go? It went great. We got a lot of really good information. Tell me everything. What do you know about the jackals? Um, I think I've heard of them. What have you heard? Criminals. Yeah? Go on. Extortionists. Some say hired killers. Well, at least they're not doing it for free.

They've gotten into white root recently or something. Not fun people. Why? Why do you ask? Well, we found out where the there might be an entrance into the well that runs underneath the library. Really? But apparently it's right dab in the middle of Jackal County. Oh, I wish I was a wizard still. Were you ever a wizard though? If I had my power, I could walk into that neighborhood and turn them all to goo. To frogs. Is what you could have done. Yeah, I could have turned them into frogs too.

Yeah. Frogs are made of goo. Frogs are made of goo. Everything's made of goo. Everything is made of goo. We're all made of goo. I just break… The thing doesn't jerk off. He's in motion with his hands. Not wrong. That's how you make goo as well. That's right. That's how I make goo. He eats one of the sandwiches. He pulls one out of his fanny pack and puts it on the plate. I got more. I could do this all day. What a weird thing to be cocky about. He doesn't have much of his life right now.

He's got a part-time job. He eats sandwiches. Can we cut to what he was doing last night when we were fucking risking our lives? Yeah, he's dead asleep. He's asleep on the futon in his studio apartment. Wearing some of his fun hats. Yeah, he's got the black feathered d'Artagnan hat that he wore in Crystal Bay just over his face. And he's sleeping and he's got a music bottle popped that's playing very quietly. It's got a coaster over the top so the lid's half covered. So it's coming out quieter.

Yeah, he likes The girl from Ipanema. Yeah. He likes the smooth listening hits. I guess we cut back to the conversation. Yeah, so what's what are we going to do? We're just going to walk in. There's a flagstone over. We need to find out where it is. I have a plan. Where are the others? Do we need them right now? Cut to Billy. Cut to Tuck. All right. Ruby. Lucky. You're both here. Allison. All three? Oh, the gentleman's triple, huh? The women of Spout Lore.

He says the name of the show in his sleep somehow. Spout Lore girls gone wild. Spout Lore girls gone wild. Spout Lore girls gone wild. I can't wait to see some fan art where people draw three and also me. All right. Cut back to the conversation. We need to figure out what the jackals will put up with. How are we going to get in there? We need to infiltrate the jackals. Or at least we have to stay off their radar. All right. Or we get so on their radar that we're off their radar.

Oh, I see what you're saying. We infiltrate the gang itself. I'm hearing, disguises, Ving. That might be unnecessary. We need disguises. I don't think that's what I'm saying. I have to change my face as a painter changes his canvas. I'll consult my kit. Hats are gonna solve this. I'll consult my collection. I wish you never started drinking coffee. I don't know how I survived before. He's one of those guys. Don't talk to me before I've had my coffee.

I cook with coffee and sometimes I put it in the fruit. Forget love. I'd rather fall in coffee. So we're going to infiltrate the gang. Is that what you're saying? Infiltrate their territory or trying to ingratiate their territory, right? Ingratiate ourselves or just sneak in? Yeah, I think we have to ingratiate ourselves to their territory and stay off their radar. Okay, I'm getting mixed messages. So we're ingratiating ourselves to their territory to stay off their radar. Oh, is that coffee?

If you want something, it's got a whole carafe. We need to get into that well. Okay, I feel like we're back at square one now. Cut to Billy and Tuck. Tuck is woken up and he sees he's Oh, it's like around noon too. He's having a late breakfast. Yeah, yeah. Oh, so I was already woken up because Tuck went in the fridge to get a bunch of eggs. Yeah. Four dozen eggs. Four dozen eggs for breakfast every morning to help me get lunch. Yeah. And honestly, you know what?

Tuck seeing Fatim, he's going to have six dozen eggs because he's like, he's bigger than he was for sure. And I need to put mass on if I'm going to withstand the beating that he's going to give me. Totally. And Billy's sitting on the table while Tuck's eating his scrambled eggs. Billy's like shoveling some in his mouth too from his plate. He's going egg for egg with Tuck. Oh, wow. No, I eat the equivalent of one egg. Surprisingly, that's all I want. Yeah. Little bits in his mouth.

And I'm like, Billy, I got, I… That guy's roughly the size of a barge. Yeah. I don't know how I'm going to beat up a boat. Well, I guess you just have to get bigger. So you go for it. You go hard on these eggs. I'm going to go hard on these eggs. And then you know what? I saw Ving doing some fucking parkour moves. I'm going to try some of those right after. Oh, sick. I'll go get Cas's protein powder. Yes. Go get that protein powder. I'm going. He doesn't use it really. Not really.

He uses it for a week. Yeah. He just puts it out when he has a date home. Yeah. There's a bunch of free weights in the corner of his room. Yeah. And then I go get the container, the jar of protein powder and go to the bathroom because that's the only sink I can reach, which is the tub. And I like swirl water in there and I bring it back. Here, chug this. I drink it straight. It's still mostly powder. Oh my God. And I do that cinnamon cough. Yeah, cough.

When people do the cinnamon challenge where it's just like white powder. I feel stronger already. Oh my God. Do I look bigger? I think he probably had a dream about Fadum last night that really freaked him out. Yeah. Fadum came into, he infiltrated your like three women dream. Yeah. And he stole them. Come with me ladies. No, no, come back. Come back. I was the one that did all the stuff that you like. Sorry, Tacoma Dome. He's a successful warrior and look at him. He's fucking huge now.

And then it cuts back to Tuck and he's like a little baby, but his head is still the size of Tuck's head. He's got a little baby body. The beard still. Yeah, the beard goes down to the floor basically. This is a wild nightmare that he's having. Yeah. And he, it's that thing he shoots up in the middle of the night like I was a little baby. I never want to be a baby again. It was hard enough the first time. And he goes straight to the kitchen to steady the eggs. Start bulking.

And that brings us to now. And we're at the breakfast. Well, Tuck tries to parkour out the window. And what happened? He steps on one of the like the wooden posts that Vig stepped on and it immediately breaks and he falls to the ground. He just falls 20 feet. Yeah, hits the ground. To the street. Wow. Wait, should I do a damage roll? Well, no, I mean you're impervious now, so you're extra tough. Yeah. So yeah, you just slam onto the street.

And I look up at the balconies of people who watched Vig. And they're all going no, no. No. No, boo, boo. No. No. Not enough eggs. Bring back Vig. Vig and Perel are just talking in circles. All we need to do is get into the well. There's a flag on top. Hear me out. There's a flag on top? We have to be in… There's a flagstone. You're not paying attention. This is really good coffee. It's incredible. Why would there be a flag in the middle of an intersection? I don't know.

The rock guy told us about it. Oh, it's a flag rock. Right. Of course you said that. No, the man was a rock. So we have to infiltrate the gang. Hey guys. Oh, hi. Hey, Billy. Hey. Hey. I just took the stairs. I was sweaty. Do you have anything to drink? Yeah, here. Coffee. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Water. That's fine. Okay. He flags down somebody and gets Billy a water. What are you guys talking about? Vig updated me on the situation.

The well is in the middle of an intersection in Jackal territory. And here's what I'm thinking. Hear me out. Disguises. I mean, I honestly don't see a reason why we don't just walk up to the flagstone. I don't know why. Yeah. And break into it. Yeah. I have an axe that can break any stone. And I… No one's gonna punch me. Hmm. I've seen you get punched though, Billy. No. Okay. All right. Well, okay. I'm gonna go… This sounds good. We'll just walk in. We'll just walk in.

Perel, if you want, you could dress like a city worker. I'll be right back. And he runs up to his apartment. I also go upstairs to get the axe, but I put a canvas bag over the… It to make it like less conspicuous. Yeah. And I tighten it up and I put it on my back. Nice. Cool. Axe disguise. What does everybody… Yeah. What does everybody grab when you're going to this neighborhood? Oh. I have a short sword, so I'll grab that. Oh, and I have a slingshot, so I'll grab that too. Sick. Cool.

Does Ving grab anything? Yeah. He grabs his… He always brings a jar of gunpowder wherever he wants. Oh. And him and his group have been really like… That's been what they're concentrating on is making more gunpowder. Oh. Whoa. And he grabs his… His harpoon. The harpoon. Yeah. Cool. And Perel comes back down and he's wearing an orange reflective vest. No, I don't know what a city worker in McCall looks like. I think they wear sand colored clothes. So just like tunic. Yeah.

It's a tunic, but it's just sand colored. Yeah. So he doesn't have any of that. So he comes down wearing his regular clothes and a fake mustache. So you're dressed like a city worker? I mean, as close as I can get, I don't have a city worker's uniform. Wow. You just went all out on that mustache collection. Sure did. Look, I actually… I'm also wearing false eyebrows. What's a city worker's name? Mort. Hmm. Yeah. My name… And I have a voice too. Well, let's hear it. My name's Mort. Oh. Cool.

My name… It's like a… I actually have a big tongue. Ew. Wow. My name's Mort. Okay. Good? Good or bad? I don't know. It's a speech impediment. Maybe I'll just come along. I'm gonna keep the mustache, but… Keep the regular voice? Yeah, this is my voice. You should lose the eyebrows, though. Maybe you guys should do most of the talking. Yeah. Let's review our characters. I'm Tuck. I'm Ving. And you? I'm Fabbilly. Okay. Cool. Wow. Let's go.

And it's pretty easy to find your way to Cliffside because you can see the lighthouse from anywhere in McCall. So you basically just walk in the direction of the lighthouse. Cool. I don't imagine anything happens on the way. You pass some light guard here and there. Thankfully, the three of you aren't super out of place in McCall because it's quite a cosmopolitan place with a lot of different people. But eventually you get to the area of Cliffside, which is the sticks, basically.

Like, you're basically in the sticks now. There are fewer light guard around. There's a lot more people. But you mostly see them moving around inside homes. Like, you see them through windows and corners and alleys. And you see some real hard-looking youths. Like, mean-looking people. They all are wearing these maroon-colored leather jerkins. Leather? Ugh. So sweaty. Yeah. With no sleeves on. So it's just like hard leather vests, basically.

And they all have these really, like, wicked looking knives on their belts. You could put two and two together. These are probably jackals. Okay. Yeah. And they're really eyeing you up as you start walking around. Nobody stops you because it's not like a checkpoint. But they watch you walk in. Oh, it's sunrise. Well, the sun has risen. Oh. So it's time for Billy to make a roll. With my… Fairy child. With my charisma. Okay. Please. That is a five. Plus your charisma. Seven. So three. So three.

Cool. And that's for the, like, until the next sunrise. So if this session ends up being three days, then that's all you're getting. Okay. Uh, okay. Yeah, so Perel is getting nervous. There certainly are a lot of angry-looking youths here. Just keep walking. Okay. If you don't look scared, they're not gonna approach you. And don't look at them. Don't stare at them. I'm looking at one right now. Stop staring. I'm looking at one right now. Look away. Look at… Just look at your feet.

He's looking at me. Look over here. Look over here. Look over here. That was terrifying. Can we head towards the intersection? Yeah, totally. You're, like, following street signs, basically. You get close to Tourmaline Crescent and, uh, Ibis Street, and you turn one block before that intersection would be, and there's a wooden barricade across the street. What the hell is this? Fuck. And there's a bunch of jackals just hanging about. Oh. Should we turn around?

And you hear somebody yell out, Hey. Hey, yourself. What's going on? What's with all the barricades? We were, uh, hoping to get down to, uh, the, you know, the street that you're blocking off. Tourmaline. That ain't gonna happen, friend. Turn around. Why? What's up? This is jackal territory. Now turn around, or you're gonna leave with more holes than you showed up with. Hey, my hole's got a lot of work. So… I wouldn't mind a couple more.

And they're just, like, they're just, like, the kid that's talking to you just glares. Kid? Oh, yeah, this kid, he's a teenager, probably. Alright, kid, what's your name? I'm not telling you my fucking name. Are you from this neighborhood? What do you think? Yes. You get the idea that he, like, based on, uh, like, because you're from fucking McCall. And I'm from the sticks. You're from the sticks? I grew up in the sticks. Oh. Because I was an urchin.

Yeah, but you never established that until just this second. Oh, yeah, I grew up in the sticks. Yeah, so you can tell based on his accent that he definitely grew up in this neighborhood. And I'm like, do you know Mr. Tarek, the corner store owner? Mr. Tarek, yeah. Yeah? What if I do? Free candies on Fridays? Uh-huh. Yeah? He leaves them out back? Left them out back. What happened to him? What do you think happened to him? He was old. He retired? He retired. He retired. Okay. Okay, he retired.

Okay, well, that, I was worried that he had died. His kid runs the store now. Okay, yeah. And his kid pays tribute to the jackals. Okay. I all I'm saying is like, look, I'm from here. We came from the same place. I've been gone for a while. Okay, I'm from here too, and I'm telling you to get out. I'm not leaving. This is my home. You hear that, boys? He doesn't want to leave. And they start, like, sauntering out like fucking Tybalt in the opening scene of Romeo and Juliet. Yeah.

Or Ben Volie or whatever. Like, he's just staggering out. And some people start filling in behind him. How many are there? Roll a d6. Nice. So there's three. Okay. And they start wandering out and they are, like, pulling out their knives. They're being very showy about how tough they are. Ugh. You guys are a bunch of ding-a-lings, aren't you? What did you call us? I said you're a bunch of ding-a-lings. And I'm gonna shoot first. You're just gonna shoot him with your slingshot?

Yeah, I'm gonna try to hit him with a rock in the, right here between his eyes. Oh my god. You're gonna try and kill him? No, just- Do you want to hit him between the eyes or do you want to hit him in the back of his throat while he's monologuing at you? That'd be pretty funny. Yeah, I'm gonna try that. Who's this little ding-a-lick? A nine. Yeah, I can aid- How? Maybe I'm amping the kid up where I'm like, hey, you can't tell me where to go. This is my fucking home.

And I'm, like, really distracting him. And getting him to monologue more? Yeah. Holy shit. Oh, wow. Plus what? Bond? Oh, 11. Yeah. Fuck yeah. So Billy gets a 10 on his Wally. I have a clear shot and I deal my damage, which is a D8. Yeah. Please be huge. Boom! Oh, fuck. What is it? It's a 2. It's a 2. Whatever. It's a 2. That's fine. It's just a rock in the back of his throat. He can choke on it. It's simply a rock in the back of his throat fired from what is functionally a gun.

So he's talking, yeah, this is jackal territory. And if you want to get into jackal-tory, you gotta pay the and he just falls backwards choking. Yeah. And he's, like, coughing, like, and I'm like, what did he say? What did he say? I think your friend swallowed a fly. I think it was a poisonous one. I've seen them before. Perhaps he'll die. You gotta put a spider in there to get the fly. I really, I really… The thing runs up, starts doing CPR. Go get help, you idiots! He swallowed a poison fly!

They're gonna try and fight you now. Oh, no. They got their knives out and they start trying to figure out who to rush first. I'm gonna do fight with honor, which is my starting move. Oh, yeah. So we get to roll, and when I enter a fight, roll plus constitution, and ten plus hold three chi, ving chi, and seven to nine hold two. Spend a chi during the fight to achieve one of the following effects. So roll plus your constitution. Ooh, six. Is a failure.

So he's like, I will fight with honor, you little pieces of shit. And then he starts, yeah, he's basically gonna roll up on a fight with two kids. Yeah. So that's not really honorable. Billy, do you wanna help? Yeah. So what's Billy do to aid Ving? Can I shoot another shot? Yeah. Two d6 plus bond. Nine. Okay. They start moving forward and Billy's doing the like, wang, wang, like trying to keep him back. So you get two chi, and uh, one of them runs at Ving, and the other's running at Perel. Oh!

And everyone's leaving Tuck alone. Uh-huh. You feel, honestly, he feels kinda lonely now. But yeah, Ving, one's rushing right at you, swinging his knife all crazy. I will deal my damage to a foe within reach. You spend a chi and you deal your damage. Five. Five. Okay, you put this kid in the fucking dirt. Oh, shit! Like he runs at you. I use all of his momentum running at me. Oh yeah. Sweep him off the side. Trip him up and he lands right on his face. And hold onto him. He's out cold. Boom.

What kind of style do you use for this? Yeah, what animal are you emulating? Uh, moth. What? Yeah. Okay, can you explain please? Uh, well because he's coming into really uh, hot and heavy. And uh, Ving does this like crazy, unpredictable thing so the kid is like, what? He loses sight of it. He's like, where am I? I don't know where to stab. And then he puts him down like a moth to the flame. You really need to work on your animal style names. Oh man, that was so lame.

It was like cool, but it was also, it was just skirting the line to not cool. And he said, lights out! Wow. Ving is just trying not to turn into the animal so hard. That was moth form. Tell people about it. That was dusty fist. Moth or fucker. And uh, yeah, like one's running at Perel and Perel's like, huh, huh, huh. Perel turns around and starts to run away. Tug just kicks the kid. Like he just kicks him in the hip basically. Yeah. Hulk style? Yeah. 2d6 plus strength for hack and slash?

Oh, balls. Uh oh. So I rolled a four and my strength is two. Oh man. So six? These are literally children. Can I help you? Yeah. 2d6 plus bond, same thing, like shooting rocks at him. Same thing. Shooting rocks, mostly for fun. Billy's having a blast. Yeah. Ten. Wow. Billy's support is like making this fight possible. Look how hard I love. Yeah. Okay, so you get a seven, you get a seven. Which means that you deal your damage and he deals his damage. Yeah. Four.

Yeah, again, you like nail this kid in the hip. And he stumbles back. And he just goes, ow! And he throws his knife at you. Uh huh. Roll a d6. Four. Fuck. Four. So minus your plus one natural armor. Yeah. It sticks in your like, right in the middle. Oh man, this kid's good. What? But he does like an underhand throw. Yeah. And he gets you right in the chest. Yeah. And he's like, oh. And he's like, wait. And he looks at his hands realizing he doesn't have a knife anymore. I'm like, you know what?

You got me. Kid, kiddo, look at me. He puts his hands up. I'm like, good throw, man. You're talking with a knife in your chest. You're just dadding a kid who stabbed you. But then the choking one spits a rock onto the ground. And he gets up and he looks at the guy that threw his knife and he's like, turn. You threw it. You threw your knife. And he looks at what's happened. He looks at his other friend in the ground. Billy's got another rock like trained on him.

Vang's doing like, fluttering around like an idiot. What's this? This is your worst fucking nightmare, kid. What is Perel doing right now? He's like behind a pillar peeking around. One eyebrow just sliding down his face. Can you come back over here? Yeah, okay. Yeah, I was just surveying the battlefield. Okay, man. It's fine. Everybody did a good job according to the plan I laid out when we showed up. Well done. Billy, good job with the support. Tuck, great defense thing. I love the flips.

Hi, my name's Mort. And I am their leader. No, he's not. Hey, kid, what's your name? Um, Ment? Yeah, my name's Ment. Alright, well, I'm basically like a smaller version of you guys. Okay. What are you, six? No, I'm way older than that. And you just lost a fight with us. So, you guys should be, like, stoked to let us in your crew. Alright, look, okay. What do you want? We just wanna fucking go into this neighborhood. I'm gonna be straight with you. Okay. I really can't let that happen. Why?

It's my only job is to watch this wall and not let anybody pass. You might notice there's not even a door in the wall. If you guys go through here and I just let you go, bad stuff's gonna happen to me. Somebody roll a, uh, something to convince him. Billy. 2d6 plus, uh, charisma. We're gonna call it a defy danger charisma, unless you're offering him something. Ten. Okay. Yeah. Uh, okay, what I Fucking sick. Yeah.

He, and he looks around, cause he, they did just get their asses whooped by you guys. Okay. Um, and he looks at the three of you. He looks at Tuck and goes, no. Looks at Vang and goes, no. Looks at Billy and goes, definitely not. And he looks at Perel and goes, I'm gonna need you to punch me in the face. Perel's like, what? Me? Yeah. I'm gonna need you to punch me in the face really hard. Hit me in the nose. I just don't want them to think that I let you through. Okay? Does that sound fair?

Yeah. Yeah. If anybody asks, tell them you absolutely beat the shit out of us. Turns out, sound good? And turns like, yeah. Hey, can I get my, uh, He's pointing at Tuck's chest. You want your knife back? Yeah. I just pull it out and I toss it at him. It hits the dirt. He doesn't catch it. Just, ooh. Pretty cool. Thanks, man. Pretty cool. You're pretty cool, too. Good arm. Thanks. Okay. You gotta punch, turn an eye in the face, okay? Perel goes, alright.

And he does the, he just does the worst punch imaginable. Here it's, here it's gonna, here's it com, here's it coming. Perel, Perel, Perel, Perel, Perel, Perel, Perel, Perel, Perel, pop. And he pops the kid in the nose, and he goes, and Perel goes, But Ment starts bleeding from the nose. Perfect, perfect. And then he does the same thing to, uh, to turn. And they're both bleeding from the nose, and they go, okay, great.

And then Ment goes, the other guy sits up and he's gonna have a face full of blood and dirt. What I guess. Just stay there, man. Just stay there. And Ment goes like, alright, just don't tell anybody we did this. And he just does a dead fall onto his back. Uh-huh. And goes, ugh. Okay, go. Go, get outta here. Oh, shit. Alright. So yeah, you have clear rain to the wall, basically. We climb the wall. Yeah, so you hop over the wall.

You get lucky in that it looks like this was a fairly quiet corner of the Jackal's territory. Like, these three idiots were here because it's probably one of the most easily protected zones. Uh-huh. So there's just a street with some boarded up buildings on either side of it. And the lighthouse is quite a few blocks ahead of you, but it's towering above you. Wow. Uh, but the corner of Tourmaline Crescent and Ibis Street is basically right in front of you. Is there anybody around?

To certain realities? Do we need to? Uh, yeah, you could do certain realities. That's seven. Oh, thank god. You get one question. Yeah, I guess what should we be on the lookout for? You're looking for like a big flagstone, and what you see on the entire street is individual bricks. What the fuck? It looks like that the flagstone has been since paved over. Fuck. So you're not 100% sure where the well actually is on this corner. Mother fuck. Can I use World Talker? Yeah, I guess you can.

Hell yeah. I was also thinking that like, I could use some of the elemental mastery to find where the water is too. Yeah, cool. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. So, yeah, why don't I just bring up all the water that's right there, and then blow that flagstone straight up in the air. Hell yeah. Oh, plus my wisdom? Uh, actually, no. In your new class, it's Constitution. Oh, great. For the elementalist, it's Constitution. Nine. On a seven to nine, you choose one. The effect you desire comes to pass.

You avoid paying nature's price, and you retain control. Or you retain control. Could we aid it all? Yeah. Yeah. Um. Oh, wait. The axe has Terilary and Chad in it. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And they're rock. Fuck. Yeah, there you go. But you're trying to commune with water. I mean, still spirits. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, maybe like. Maybe I'm having a hard time going that deep through all the rock. Yeah. What if you give him the axe and like, he like, holds it to the ground? Yeah.

As like, like a divining rod. Like a conductor, almost. Yeah. Cool, yeah. Cool. So, yeah. So, as a witcher. Yeah. 2d6 plus bond. Eight. Great. Yep, so you get a ten. So, you choose two. The effect you desire comes to pass. You avoid paying nature's price. You retain control. Uh. Here we are again. Yeah. Paying nature's price. Yeah, I'll pay nature's price. Really? You're gonna pay nature's price? Okay. Um. Let's see what it looks like. So, tell me what this looks like.

You, you're basically reaching down into this well, finding the water, and pulling it back up. Yeah. He's putting his fingers down on the ground and, and um, with the divining rod, holding the axe and drawing a circle in the middle of the intersection. And spinning it and using the centrifugal force of the axe and spinning a circle, circle faster and faster. Oh. And pulling up the, the water. Sucking it in huge deep breath. Pulling from his heels up through the top of his head.

So, you have this like, circle. You find with the help of Larry, Terry, and Chad, they're like, no man, like this way, little bit. Okay, no, you got it. You got it. Don't move. You got it. And you draw the circle and you um, you reach down, you feel the connection with the water. And you pull it up. From the depths of this well. And almost like a water knife, it's cutting a circle. Like through the plug. Oh, sick. Fucking rad.

As Ving's standing in the middle of the circle, he's lifting his hands up in the martial arts forms that he's been practicing. So cool. And the water just and then all of a sudden there's a sheet of water surrounding Ving. And it stops. And Ving does his like, hands pressed down thing. And then the plug falls with Ving on it. Ving! Oh! And that's where we're gonna end it for this week. I've been your Game Master, Sean O'Hara. Joining me as always, playing Tacoma Dome, the Barbarian, Abdulaziz.

So long. Playing Ving, the Half-elf Druid, Paul Hoppers. Playing Fat Billy, the Halfling Thief, Jessica Tai. Oh, wow. Bye. Thanks to Erin Reid for our intro and outro music. Thanks to all our amazing susporters for susporting us across the world wide web. We'll see you next time everybody. Bye bye now. And so ends the tale of adventures three, who tried the best they can. Though dumb and scared and lost they be. For time's a breastplate in revelry.

And though our journey may be like a conclusion. We will not leave you without a resolution. Return next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores. And for you I'd gladly spell dawn.