Episode 14 – Escape From The Hearth

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes, noble and bold. A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old. You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring. So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing. Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight. Fingers have health, he shifts his shape, and wields a spear with great might. Peely's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart.

Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts. So gather round friends, and listen close, for the tale's about to start. Hello everybody and welcome to Spout Lore. I'm Master Sean O'Hara. Joining me as always playing Tacoma Dome, the Barbarian Abdulaziz. Hello everybody. Playing Ving, the half-elf druid, Paul Oppers. Hello everybody. And playing Fat Billy, the halfling thief, Jessica Tai. Hello everybody.

Okay, don't make fun of me because I say my hello that way every single time. You guys always gang up on me because I'm the only person of color. Jessica doesn't care. Oh my god. I don't think I do, actually. You keep saying that though, and it's starting to get disturbing. If I didn't do it, then it would feel like I'm not part of the club. What, the white club? Yes. Wow, we're right in a race right away. This is what people come to this podcast for, is uncomfortable jokes about race.

Yeah, Sean hates other races. Yeah, it's really hard being married to him when he hates 50% of you. Which half is it, top half or bottom? Def the top. I got a white down. It's so fucked up. It's a white ass. Yeah, I got from my mom. Sorry. Thanks, mom. I'm sorry. Thanks, mom. Thanks, mom. Thanks, mom, for this fat dumper. Yeah, thanks, mom. Shout out to Michelle Rodriguez. Most of our fans don't know that, Jessica's mom, Michelle Rodriguez. Rodrigue. You actually got really close.

Yeah, it's Rodrigue. Okay. Oh, I thought we were making a joke that Sean's mom was a white ass. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You were making a joke that Sean's mom was in Fast and Furious. Yeah, about Michelle Rodriguez. Sean's mom. Oops. I don't understand you to full extend your relationship. Brother and sister. You think they're brother and sister. I don't know. You guys seem attracted to each other.

As I understand it, things that are attracted are brother and sister. Oh, my God. Yeah. According to all the videos that are bookmarked in Paul's laptop. In Paul's laptop. In Paul's laptop. Yeah. Here, let me pull up a couple for you. Brother and sister. Oh, they're already up. Brother and sister stuff. Step siblings. Homegrown Simpsons. That really explains the virus a lot. You know what I mean? Yeah. You got on your computer a few days ago. Yeah, brother, brother.

We got a computer for Paul so he could edit the podcast and do social media stuff because he didn't own one. I owned one. And then he immediately got a virus and then I had a, I got so mad because I opened his computer to Google something and I went and the Chrome search was set to Yahoo. The virus did it. I only use the virus. I only use AltaVista. Thank you very much. Dog pile for me. Uh, fuck. When last we left our heroes, they were in the midst of a jailbreak. Yes. Yes.

Deep in the depths of the hearth itself. Kept in salty tombs. They had basically tripped off security. A lone light guard member appeared in the hallway of your cells and saw the three of you just kind of around and shouted jailbreak and everything went nuts. You descended to the lower levels discovering the prison of Ammargani vessel for the icon of truth whom Billy saved by passing through the seemingly magical barrier which kept the demon of truth in place.

Meanwhile, Tuck and Ving holding off the guard beaten ass as the stairwell started to fill with more and more light guard. Eventually, the stairwell was also filled by a 30 foot long king cobra. Ving's half sister Shia, aka the garden snake arrived in her shape shifted snake form and so what happened next?

There was like a clanging sound and Shia and I went to figure out what that was and to keep the light guard back and I ripped a door off a cell releasing the stat word Waldorf dudes from Stett and Walden and then I kind of like jammed it in the hallway and then like a fire mech Jinn not a fire mech cool name though oh yeah and it was third yeah it was third the third of 11 Jinn bound by the god of war of the flame yeah and also basically the flaming sword of god or something like that oh yeah that's basically third's role in the Jinn and we found out that third killed 11 which is fucking wild yeah that's a story that everybody's heard about what happened to the 211th and you guys once again non-violently solved an encounter with a very powerful and scary monster after Billy convinced one of the three other demon prisoners that you discovered the vessel for the icon of mercy and then to allow the icon to take over releasing the demon mercy and convincing third do not cut you all down giving you a chance to escape through a secret passage that Amma was aware of having been taken through it many times in his service to the light guard and that is where we find ourselves now within the passages carved through the immensity of the wall that extends to either side of the main keep of the hearth which is the main which is the main which is the main which is the main which is the main which is the main which is the main which is the main which is the main extension of the hearth itself providing additional facilities and passageways storage rooms cafeterias and the like for the guards that man the wall okay this hallway is low down and it's quite narrow and dark much like the cells that it's surrounding but you can hope and imagine since Amma knew about it that there are other methods of getting higher in the facility and probably a way of getting out of the facility altogether all right so what's the plan I'm going to we need to go talk we need to get your axe do we though don't we Larry Terry Chad I feel like they're like they're fine on their own like they're an axe we can come back for them later but what if Adam steals him I mean like but I the alternative is that we do a massive incursion into like like our territory with like three very weak people right true and this one is just quivering with what looks like rage wrath wrath wrath wrath oh yeah Zayn vessel for the icon of wrath so we have Zayn the vessel for the icon of wrath we have Uma who is punishment yeah Uma and Amma who is truth right and Amma is very old and slow for sure yeah yeah they're all beaten down and weak yeah and their icons are temporarily subdued by the like consumption of saffron yeah yeah and I look in my pouch there's not much left yeah yeah yeah cause if that runs out then the demons will reassert itself right theoretically yeah I think we have to get them to the library okay I think that's the safest place for them yeah okay so Amma yes do you know if there's a way like out this way did did he ever take you out this way he closes his eyes and thinks so this is gonna be a discern realities from Billy oh sure with the help of Amma 2d6 plus wisdom oh oh that is those all ones that was so bad it was somehow it was three ones that's terrible that was a big fail four at best really hammered at home um whoops oh man wow so what does a failure mean in this context oh what if he leads us the wrong way oh yeah interesting yeah he's like trying to think but he's so old and disoriented that he's like yes this I believe it's this way oh it's so funny that the vessel of truth is lying to us it's because it's suppressed it's so suppressed he doesn't know the truth of all things because he is so disoriented no uh so instead of leading you to a safe passage he instead leads you to what the broken shores oh like instead like you still get out but you're in a worse position yeah like instead of getting out to a place where we can sneak into the city we get we're like on we're in hell basically you're up on hell oh shit yeah okay I like that so what if it's the kind of thing where like he's leading you like Ama's now at the front of the pack being like this way this way what are you grabbing those dice for what's it to you well you usually grab a bunch of dice before you're gonna roll something without asking Abdul just put the dice in his pocket hey those are our dice he's stealing them he's grabbing another handful you're stealing all of our dice no no!

Sean's virginity dice this is how I'm asserting time at some of the podcast I think we can all agree that I don't need the virginity dice anymore I've seen a boobie yeah that's right Sean the virginity is inside of you you can never be without it the real virginity dice were below my waist this whole time that's why they rattle so much because they've never been used Jessica you shouldn't be rattling those how else do you handle them snake eye snake eye baby baby baby inconsistent that it's even freakier because it's like, are they sneaking?

Can we just not hear them? So Ving can tell that you've gone past the distance that the wall covers. You know what I mean? Like you're outside the wall now and the air is getting danker and more oppressive. Although no, dank's not the right word. It's getting dry. Yeah, it's getting dry. There's like a freshness to it, but it's dry. Yeah. Acrid. It's like almost uncomfortable to breathe it in. It tastes like tinfoil in my mouth. Yeah. Tinfoil exists. Oh yeah. Tinfoil is salty. Salty.

And I think… And my eyes are stinging. Yeah. Oh no. My nose is drying out. You're crying. Oh no, Billy, your rosacea. It's clearing up. And the demons that are with you, Uma, Zane, and Ama are like starting to look around very scared. And Shai's like, are we going the right way? I don't know. That's what Ama said and he knows best. Well, we can't stay in this wall forever. We have to go our way. And then we…

I guess, yeah, it's also like we have to get as far away from like the pattering of the footsteps too. Yeah. So we're just like… It's this way or nothing. Yeah, there's no other way. We gotta get out of here. Yeah. So tell me if I'm off base, but I think that instead of, you know, like a slowly ascending tunnel that leads you like to the broken shores, I think this deep down it opens onto like a salt cavern with like cracks in the roof, the light coming through illuminating like…

Salt stalactites and stalagmites everywhere. Yeah. Mm-hmm. So that's what you come out into is this like towering salt structure. You can see light coming in through the ceiling. Wow. But no clear way up. There's like crystals that are different like colors and stuff, like because they have different impurities in them. Mm-hmm. So maybe some of them are glowing because like so much in McCall glows. Oh, yeah. There's some bioluminescence. Yeah.

Because this is the leftovers of an ocean, of like an ocean floor. Oh, I like the idea that there's certain creatures fossilized within the salt. Oh, yeah. Oh, bioluminescent creatures. Just like whole whales kind of thing. Yeah. So sick. Yeah. Oh, they're all dried out. There's mummies of things. Desiccated corpses. It's kind of beautiful, but scary. Yeah. And gross. Yeah. Okay. So I think that because this was fucking snake eyes, I think there's something in here. Oh, no. In this cavern. Fuck.

And I think you just hear like a rattling wheeze from somewhere in the cavern. Was that you? Yeah, that was me. I don't know. You're all like sneaky and stuff. Super wheezy, but not a snake right now. Discern reality. Yeah. Give me one of the 2d6 plus wisdom. Oh, 10. Okay, perfect. You get three questions from the list, baby. What's about to happen? What's about to happen is there is a mass of something on the other side of this room that is about to notice that you're here.

What here is useful or valuable to us? You see Ving being an acrobatic type. You see a potential path like on top of stalactites or like pieces jutting out of the walls that would get you up to the roof and potentially out of the cavern. What here is not what it appears to be. You see you're watching yourselves look at this cavern with its desiccated mummified corpses embedded in the walls and in the piles of like long eroded and then re solidified salt.

And you see on the other side of the room as your eyes adapt to the gloom to the strange like half light from the ceiling. You see a mass of desiccated bodies that have been sort of connected in this pile by salt over time. They've stuck together. They've become hardened and softened and rotted into each other and then re dried out and it's moving very slightly. Oh my God. How we get out of here? Can we sneak?

You could probably sneak that whatever this thing is the way that it's moving thing that you can see it's probably not very fast if it does move freely at all. Okay, there's I see there's a root out on the ceiling. It's gonna be hard to get everyone up there. How can we do this? Can I can we tie everyone to my back and I climb up? I think that you're strong, but you're not that strong. You can't carry everybody. How many people can I take?

It'd be really hard, but I bet you could take Uma Zayn and Ama. Oh, yeah, but it'll be hard. That's what I mean. Can I carry the invalid? Sorry guys. Yeah, totally. The only other option I guess I have a scape route. Oh, yeah, Billy has a scape route so Billy can get out. No problem. Oh, but I can't bring anyone. You can't carry anybody with you. You're too small like Shia could potentially take somebody out as a snake like like act as an escape rope. Maybe. Oh, good idea.

Oh, yeah, throw her up. Yeah, teeth. Yeah, her fangs seem solid. Let's go. No funny ideas tuck. She might be able to take one person. You're not going to be able to loony tunes up Shia's body. Why not? Because her teeth would rip out. Can I start trying to climb? Yeah, totally. Okay. Five, six, seven. You can't take everybody. Okay. Well, my I look at all the demons and I'm like, honestly, my favorite one is Alma. So I'm going to take him. Get on my back, buddy.

Uma and Zane are just like, I just met you guys. Come on. You can't be mad at me for this. I got you out of yourselves. They're not. They're not surprised that somebody doesn't want to save them. I turned to Shia and I'm like, can you help one of these guys get out? Yeah, I can definitely. Help one of them, but like somebody's gonna have to come back for the third. I'll stay here with wrath. I mean, Zane keeps going to wrath. Yeah, he's like, please, please call me Zane.

Please do not call me wrath. Okay. Yeah. So you throw Alma on your back. He very limply holds on and you just start climbing out. Yep. Great. That is happening. Tuck is like hand over hand climbing up the wall. Shia is there one moment and the next there's a giant snake and she gets Uma to follow her and they take a very strange snake route where like she coils around a pillar and then extends to the next one and Uma like kind of fireman climbs like across her body.

It's a very weird thing to watch, but it's happening. Ving and Billy, you're still down here with Zane. I will try to climb out. Cool. Well, I got 13. Can I take Zane? No. What? Billy, you're so small. I'm useless. Zane, even though he's like 16 is like five times your weight and three times your height. All right. I find amazing like salt structures that it's like indoor gym climbing and I'm like, hey, Zane, follow me. Okay, great. And he walks over to the wall and tries.

He's not nearly as good at this as you are. You just have to believe in yourself. And Zane is like his arms are shaking as he's trying to lift himself. Okay. I also am not strong, but I'm just going with the power of belief. Tuck whispers down. Push with your legs. Don't pull up with your arms, buddy. As Tuck is hanging from one arm from like the roof of the cavern.

He does that thing from cliffhanger where he goes and then like one arm like just launches himself out of the hole at the top of the cavern. Yeah. Ving, you're still down here. Zane is trying to climb up the wall. It's going to take him a really long time. Can I help him get up there? Yeah, potentially. How? With my fight with honor, I can block a blow. Unless you're like, I'm going to fight this abomination thing. I mean, that's what I'm kind of staying behind.

I feel like making sure everyone gets out at least. You're going to like try and draw this thing's attention so it's safer for Zane to get up? Yeah. And Billy and Tuck and everybody. Our goal is to get Amon here. And I mean, Ving's feeling a little like he can probably outrun it at least. Or reason with it. Still feeling… Oh yeah, you can talk to animals. I can talk to things and like, you know what? I'm going to try and confront this creature. Yeah, okay.

So you're getting down there to try and communicate with it? Yeah, I'm going to go along to the wall where I feel it. We heard it and then feel where it's thinnest. Okay, yeah. So it's basically like where you came into this salt cavern. It was on the far side. It actually, it looks like it could have been part of the wall, but it's basically a combination of huge crusts of like ancient salt and desiccated bodies. Most of them humanoid. It's like a mound. Yeah, it's like a mound.

It's like a mass grave that's been reanimated. Yeah, basically. What are you? Nothing. I am Ving. I am a friend. I'm going to put a hand on it. So now that you're close to it, you can see it. It's like old desiccated corpses. Yeah, like, but I mean, like, I cannot like it's the hands are moving. They're clenching and unclenching. There's like undulating dried flesh. It's a zombie blob. Sorry. I just I was like, I forgot zombies out here. Yeah, dehydrated bodies. It's the salt zombies.

So what you see is that the reason that it's moving like this is it's trying to break loose of the crust of salt that's keeping it in place. Oh, it's not. You can't talk to this thing. I'm talking to the salt. The salt is like run. I back up slowly to D6 plus dexterity. I'm backing up faster. Oh, I got three plus my dexterity is at one because you give me a minus one because I got metal hands. Yeah. Okay. Go ahead and roll me a D10. Oh, no. No. No. Nine.

So you're you're backing up from this thing as it seems to have caught scent of you or something. It's aware of your presence now. And the as you got close to it and started backing up the limbs started moving faster and more aggressively. And before you realize what's happening, the crust of salt, the major part of it just crumbles off its body and it moves towards you with surprising speed and you take 12 damage. Holy what? What? Okay. Well, I can't take it. Another hit. What are you at? Six.

What? You're at six? Yes. Oh, can I volley something from where I am? You're going to need to at least try and succeed at a defy danger dexterity to do it from a safe place. Fuck yeah. I'm up high and I'm going to grab a big chunk of salt. So plus dexterity? Eight. Eight. Okay. So what happens on this seven to nine? I grab an even sharper salt. And cut yourself a little bit? Yes. Okay. Okay. Yeah, I like that. Roll a d6. Three. You take three damages.

This salt like cuts into your hand and starts burning. That's fine. Who cares? I'm going to be brave. So I volley. With a plus one. This big sharp piece of salt. Nine. So on a seven to nine with volley, you have to move to get you to get your shot, placing you in danger or you take what you can get. I'll take what I can get. Okay. Great idea. So roll your damage. So six. Holy shit. That's great. Yeah. You're backing up and this thing gets smoked from the top of the building and you see Billy.

What's Billy doing? Like bracing himself like a fucking spider monkey or a little outcropping? Yeah, basically. And he's basically doing like the Russian splits like to try to stay up. But he's like nailed it. Yeah. And like you have seen with Billy so many times before, it doesn't make sense that he could throw that hard for me. Yeah, he's got a shotgun arm and he's got he's doing the splits holding himself in place between two stalactites.

Oh, I like the camera comes up between Vin being in his eyes are like he's backing up like what the fuck did I do? And then Billy's behind him duck thing duck. And then he goes down. Use the camera focuses on. Yeah, whack and Billy's just a wall mounted turret now. But yeah, this thing gets crushed by this ball of salt. It hurt it. It's not anywhere near. Yeah, immobile, but you see like dozens of desiccated mouths open in a silent scream. What are you doing? I fight with honor. Get my night.

He holds role plus constitution, man. Good fail. Plus constitution. Yeah. So six I believe double check aid from here. I mean, if you can tell me away, I'll throw another one. Okay, 2d6 plus bond he reloads his arm. Yeah, and this is to aid. This isn't going to do damage, but seven. So nice. So you get how many points with a fight with honor to Chi. Okay, great. What do you do with them? This thing's like dragging itself along on like like 20 different limbs to try and like get the jump on you.

What a human caterpillar this is, but not the good kind like you want the shape. I'm imagining is like a scone, but with like arms and legs sticking out of it. Yeah. Okay, I'm just gonna use my chi to get the fuck out of here. Yeah. What does that mean? I leap over. I leap backwards and bounce from still egg tight tip to like tight tip.

Bing bang boom like you do a really cool like your legs tense up and you bang you jump in unbelievable distance to a safe spot and then they just go up the whole backwards. Yeah, and I guess like Zane has made it a pretty decent way up and with your help, he makes it the rest of the way up. Yeah, tuck was helping him up. Yeah, everybody passes through this fissure in the ground and you are safe and it's quiet for a moment for a moment. You see the wall and the hearth in the pretty far distance.

The lights burning at the top bells clanging people running around and tuck. You realize you are in the broken shores. Guys were in hell. No, we went the wrong way. I'm a how could you do this to us? Yeah, you fucking idiot. Big starts shaking them and that's like you're not my favorite anymore. Zane, you're up to number one. Uma Shusha, you would be number one, but I mean you tried to kill me. Yeah, you tried to kill me a bunch of times when I was a kid.

So and with with the exception of Zane this fucking consolation. He's offering this monster to you're offering consolation to three people that are not listening to you. Ama's like on his back rattling to breathe. Uma looks she's sitting down, but she's tired as hell and Zane is starting to look kind of angry. Oh, do we have a little bit more saffron? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, do you have some? I have some in my pouch.

Yeah, Billy probably has enough for one more person and you'd have to use a use of poultices and herbs for anybody else. Okay. Yeah, I'll give I'll give Zane the rest. I do it from distance. I'm like, I'm scared of you now. He snatches it out of your hand and jams it in his own mouth. So we have to what we have to get off like if we stay on the broken shores for more than like six hours, we're fucking dead. Oh shit.

Yeah, we'll turn into whatever that fucking thing was because I don't know when the last time we described this was but like, yeah, I don't know much if people like if people spend too long on the broken shores, they dry out and die and then they turn into salt zombies, which is like what was that was down there and it's like it's like the demon of persistence essentially that takes over their bodies is the yeah, that's that's the like prevailing theory is that like anybody that goes out there and dies.

This wants to come back to McCall theoretically to continue to live their life, but they are a mindless desiccated zombie and tuck you can hear well, you can all hear the wind blowing but on it you can hear like dried out moans. Are there a bunch of salt zombies out here? I mean, there's a bunch of salt zombies out on the broken shores. You don't know if they're nearby. Let's walk back like he's just trying to be helpful. So should we walk back now? Go back.

Is there a bus stop around here or what about the moth? Oh, yeah. And I think that Oman the bookworm did come back didn't he like you were communicating with I guess so I honestly so much was happening. Billy wasn't paying attention. Yeah, he flew into your hair while you were taking a nap, right? Yeah, Billy scratches his head and you bring your hand back down and Oman. It's gripped onto your finger. Oh my God. I'm so happy to see you.

Can you tell Perel that we're stuck out in the Sea of Graves or the salt flats or wherever we are? I just leaned down like Billy. It's a broken shores broken shores and he unfurls his little paper wings. Okay, we have we have Alma. He waggles his little paper wings. Go go fast. We have to write a note on the paper wings. I don't think he can talk. He can't talk to people. No, do we have a pencil? Yes. No, he bites the tip of his finger. There you go. Okay. Writes it in blood.

A little bit of blood. Come get us. We're like where? Yeah, I think you could explain. Hey, we have Alma. I what I was thinking is what if we headed for the cliff? Yeah, because like on either side of the wall that makes up the hearth is like the shelf that is like the where the ocean used to be. Yeah. So what if we headed? For the cliff like that is like closer to the city and then they can like either meet us at the cliff or maybe we could try and climb up or something. Yeah, that's great.

Because Oman will always find us. Yes. Oman always comes back to Billy. Yeah, that's true. No matter where we are. So something that we know about the broken shore is that time and distance mean almost nothing. So though you can see the cliffs like fairly nearby, you're going to have to make an undertake a perilous journey role. So that is a scout ahead and navigate Pathfinder one. There's only two and then rations. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You know what?

You're going to have to do rations because who fucking knows? Okay, who's doing what? I'll do the rations for everyone because I have nature sustained so I can feed people. Yeah, because you don't actually physically have any food on you. I'll scout with my binocs and I'll trail blaze with my confidence. Boy, wow. Oh, I got eight. I got three. I got 12. Oh, cool. Okay. Nice.

So what that means is it'll take you the normal like a safe amount of time to get to the cliff side, but something is going to get the jump on you because Billy was just his binoculars aren't your binoculars aren't working right out here. All the sand and salt. I can't see through it very well. Your hand and your hands all cut. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, the salt that still hurts a lot. Keep that like that.

Billy notices that that cut still hurts quite a lot and his hand is feeling stiff a little bit normal. Thanks. No, it shouldn't be hurting this much starting to look a little crusty around the around the wound. I do I do that parent thing where like your kid gets hurt and you have nothing with you. So you just start licking the wound. Yeah, that's that's such a like primal caretaker instinct. Yeah. Yeah, that's what I do to Billy.

I like open his hand and I like, just I try and lick the salt out of the wound. Oh, it hurts war. So much more 2d6 plus wisdom. No, sorry. Constitution for talk. Yeah. 13. Oh my God. Wow. Fuck. Okay. The power of my paternal love. Yeah, you just like there's a second where the salt enters your mouth and starts dissolving in your saliva and like you're the membrane.

And your in your cheeks and this horrible dread overtakes you this persistence that you will get back to the old life that you had no matter what if it kills you and then you just spit it on the ground. Yeah, like the fuck was that guys? I think I'm weird. My the electrolytes are low or something makes sense. I didn't take my supplements this morning. I have some supplements. Oh, please need some Gatorade. Yeah, and Billy your hand still hurts because there's like an open cut, but it doesn't.

Feel as like stiff as it did. It's really nice to know. I'm not going to turn to a zombie now. Is this salt what makes people zombies? Yeah, I say something started happening to Billy for sure. Can I do a bardic lore to learn about the broken shores and their connection to like the outer dark and stuff? You sure can cool that. Okay, I'll roll before I start talking. Oh, wait. No, you don't have to roll for bardic lore. Remember you just ask a question.

How does the broken shores turn people into salt zombies? What is it that is like that gives this place? It's like dangerous aspect. Why is this hell? Yeah, why like why is this hell? This is all the same question because I haven't put any punctuation in it. So run on sentence. Please answer it all right answer all the questions and also what is happening with the salt and the salt zombies question. Love Tacoma Dome.

So what tuck has heard tuck heard a story a long time ago about before people really understood the like religious and metaphysical significance of the salt flats people used to come out here and harvest salt just as salt and there was a time when people were like, okay. Well, we've kind of dug out all the salt deposits that we could find close to the bay. So we're going to go out a little bit further because it's salt flats. There's a billion pounds of salt out there.

We're going to be rich and then a whole neighborhood in the sticks was just like overrun with zombies one time like just a neighborhood of people. People started dying and turning turning from within the city because of the salt that was brought in. Okay. So it is the salt like the salt carries some aspect of the outer dark back with it.

Oh, not to give to give up too much of the goose, but you think that the salt is connected to the to the event of people coming back as salt zombies, not the sole reason for it. But like maybe it's that the way that the salt affects people gives the icons better purchase gives them a greater opportunity to take over a corpse or something weird. Yeah. Okay, cool. Moral of the story. Don't eat it. Don't let it get inside your body in any way. Okay. Yeah.

So we what was the result of the undertake a perilous journey? Okay. So the result was Tuck succeeded being got a seven to nine Billy failed. So something got the jump on us. Yes. Do we think it's some zombies? I think it's the light guard. Oh, still looking for us to. Yeah, we're done and we still at that lantern. Oh, yeah. I wrote on a salt. I'm like, there they are. Yeah, right. It's also night. Yeah. That'd be so funny if we're like we're looking ahead. I'm like, can't see anything.

And then I'm like, maybe I can use your lantern. I'm like, oh, fuck. Should have put this out. Yeah, we we we cut to the top of the wall and there's a bunch of light guard looking towards McCall like they must have escaped. Where in the city could they have gone? And then somebody's like, hey, what's that over there? They turn around and they see a lantern. They're like, no fucking way.

I think we're going to cut ahead a little bit as you like tuck leads people trudging through the actual salt flats and you get to the safety of the cliffs. You find a little winding path that takes you up the side of them and you're sort of in this little craggy Valley as you're getting to the top thing has been feeding people scrub and sage. That he's found on the way out. You're very quietly sadly, tiredly trudging up this Rocky Valley. It's a real steep uphill climb and Billy lips are so dry.

Your eyes are like crusting over a little bit in spots and Billy you have this instinct that screams in your head ambush. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop. Everyone stops up and then bolts start flying. Oh, fuck. Get down. What does everybody do? So can it work where like if they don't surprise? Me like I get the jump. Can I use a fairy move that creates like a like a distraction or like an illusion? Okay. Yeah an illusion is a great idea. I'm going to try to hide us all. Yeah.

So what so what is this illusion look like? I make us like we're just in a Valley of like salt and sand. I just make us look like that. Mm-hmm like an invisibility cloak. Uh-huh. Yeah, so you do that and all the bolts kind of go wide because they can't see exactly. Where you are anymore. So they're having trouble pinning you down. They just go like what the sorcery heresy and they throw their crossbows down draw their swords and start trying to like slide down the sides of the Valley.

How many of them are there? Eight. Okay question. Yeah, if we were like to run does it look like a leaf running or no, you would run outside of your illusion probably fuck. Yeah, I guess we should stay here. I think staying here is a good idea. Yeah. Well, and also the way that you've done it there. Your ambush has kind of turned into your ambush because you have a second to prepare totally because they're going to run by us where we are.

I'm going to roll my fist of fury just to get some chi hold fight with honor. Yeah, do it fight with honor. Sorry. I got 12. So holy shit three hold. Okay. Anybody else want to do anything before these guys show up? I don't know clench my fist. My anus can get this can be any kind of a thing to get angrier. Yeah, I guess they like everybody takes a position. The demons hide Shia Heights to actually because she just doesn't want to get her entire cover blown to shit.

So you hear like the clanging and rattling of male and female and chain male. Oh, I was like, this is a very diverse fighting group. Good for you ladies to specify there are there are all types of people serve in the light guard. It's good to see some chicks on the sword. And yeah, they rush like basically right between the mass of them runs right past all of you because this illusion has hidden you from view.

So now every what's everybody doing you have a chance to get the jump on them throw stuff. Okay. I don't know. I want to hit there's rocks nearby. I want to try to smoke them. Absolutely. How many is there? Eight eight seven plus dexterity 910 fuck. Yeah. Okay. So deal your damage. Three. Okay.

So you throw a rock at one of them and it sort of it hits them in the cheek and clangs off this little metal cheek guard part of their helmet and they tumble over the side like ow fuck and they fall over but they start scrambling up and I from inside the illusion also want to trip one of these losers as they pass by classic bully move. So what hack and slash is this dexterity? I guess it's kind of a defy danger strength really. Yeah. Yeah.

If anything, it might give you a better opportunity to get up close because they're armed and you're not yet totally seven nine. Yeah, you stick your leg out as the as they start running by and like half of them trip over each other. The other the other half stop and look around and see a leg sticking out of a rock and they go what the fuck is that? Oh no damn it. So jigs up for tuck. Vin can do a thing now. I guess to how many people see tucks leg everybody all of them.

How impressed are they with my calves? They're more like what the fuck is that? So I take a plus one forward on deck unsexiness. Yeah. Okay. I'm just going to jump into and jump while they're like what the hell is that and then spring out and say you're your worst nightmare. So now hold on your I see you rattling dice in your hand, but you're not have hold. No, this helps me spend my old. Okay. So what are you spending your hold on the guy that's closest to me?

I'm going to run out and try and clang him to the ground. Okay, great iron fist. So yeah, roll your damage spend one hold. You're not going to have to do the cross the distance thing because you've got the jump right six fuck this guy is you'd knock this guy out. I clang his helmet together. Oh, it stays a little bit. He's okay. I thought you were like a battle of Endor crushing this guy between two logs. So he's out concussed totally unconscious unless you're trying to kill him. No. Okay.

Yeah, he's absolutely concussed hit falls to the ground and some of that damage rolls over onto another person to two more guys are scared shitless and they pretend to be concussed and they run away and go how we holding their heads. Yeah, you can I'd say that you can deal a little bit of damage to a second person. Great. I take some salt in the other guy's eye. Yeah, when I do it totally he turns into a zombie and goes back to work. Okay, and yeah, they yeah. Oh, yeah, we dies becomes a zombie.

Yeah, it's back up. He becomes a wage slave and goes and works in an office building. Yeah, then he gets his pension 35 years later. That's kind of the thing that is kind of what the salt does. They do. Yeah, they try and live their lives, but McCall is just not ready for undead members of society. Yeah, they're like, oh, this commute this commute out of hell right and everyone's like commute is hell man.

I don't mind living in town, but the commute is hell and Dan was so cool before he died and now he's just so droll. Yeah, so for Ving and Tuck jigs up Billy. You're still hidden. What do you do more throw? Okay 2d6 plus dexterity eight. Okay, and with eight you have to choose to put yourself in danger or take what you can get take what I can get. Okay. Yeah, Billy's not willing to leave his domicile. Oh hell.

Yeah, so but now you're rolling d6 because you're taking what you can get back and yes is Billy trying to kill people. No, I want to knock him out. Yeah, totally. I grabbed a huge two huge fistfuls of heavy rocks heavy for Billy. So they're still like grape sized and I know where to hit people. Well, yeah when the way that Billy throws rocks like they're more they're almost more dangerous being small because it's so much pressure on such a small point. Yeah, so yeah, so you see Ving.

It's leap out of hiding smash one dude to the ground. He swings his arm in a backswing and knocks another guy's helmet off and you go bingo. Yeah, and then you throw it and hit this dude in the temple and he just tumbles to the ground. There are six light guard currently active tuck. You've been seen. What do you do? So I think I want to steer into the skid on this one and then like kind of draw all their attention but away from Billy so that he can he has like a better vantage to lay.

Yeah, it's only a matter of time before somebody notices rocks flying out of a rock. Yeah, totally. So like I want to pop out of the illusion and run up the Canyon like behind them and then do what are you waiting for for them to chase chase after me? Yeah. So what's your what's your call to action tuck pops out and he's he he farts at them and he's like I shouldn't have asked. I really shouldn't have that's and he says to to the torch with love and then he blows his back. They're already right.

Okay, he's right as you start doing you're like that's for the torch like they're they don't even wait for you to start talking. They just run at you. So 2d6 plus Constitution 710 you've done it 10. I don't know if you've ever made this work. So what is what are you waiting for? Do on a 10 on a 10 plus they treat you as the most obvious threat to be dealt with and ignore your companions take plus two damage on going against them. Holy shit ongoing all of us. Yeah. No, you do just me.

That's amazing. Tuck's in like beat down mode. Now it's a shame. I'm running away being is like fighting. He's knocked the people out that he was fighting and everyone else that was there like the tumbled people get up off the ground start running up the Valley as well at tuck. So how many people are chasing tuck six six? Yeah, I'd say as they're running away Billy, you probably have one more clean shot before you're going to have to move. Okay.

Um, I'm I'm getting ready to run but I'm just going to whip what I got. Okay, 2d six plus dexterity, please. Oh, it's fine. I still got in nine. Yeah. So do you deal your damage? Well, go ahead. Roll that d6. Maybe you heal somebody with this rock. Wow, they're healed for one day. What? Is that actually how the mechanic works? No, he had a dent on the other side. I'm on this and the dent came out of the other side. Oh my God, he's smarter.

Now you just reach behind you and through and you threw a handful of nourishing berries that they catch in their mouth. Yeah. So yeah, it just clangs off somebody's helmet as they're running away. They don't even notice. Okay. And now the actions moving away from Billy. Yeah. Well, I'm running up. Okay. Should I leave people behind? Yeah. Shia is actually like go go. Okay. Running. Okay. What has been doing? I'll run up the side of the cliff over over.

Over top of the crew over top of of tuck and then get in behind. So when they come around the corner or around a bend, I'm already there and you're going to start just smashing. We can smash. Yeah. Smash bros. It's this thing where yeah, tuck takes a corner and like from their perspective, they come around the corner and then Vings already there. I'm like chewing my nails with my arms crossed. Oh, hey, you're late for your ass whooping. Nerds.

I'm also thinking about how scary it would be for any light guard that solving do that like wall running along the cavern next to them like no. Who's this? Yeah. So they come around the bend right hot on tux heels and Ving is there. Let's do this. I want to do a fist of fury right and save a save a hold. Okay, great. Yeah. So yeah, hack and slash my body is Wonderland of weapons. A Wonderland of horror is what it is.

And I launch forward like a bottlenose dolphin cheat dive forward iron fists at the lead of their guy and try and like 10 pin bowling this group of running up. All right. Yeah. 2d6 plus strength. Oh, nice. 11. Just deal your damage baby. Four. Yeah, you smoke one of them like you leap forward with your fists in front of you. Yep. And just ride somebody's chest to the ground. And as that I grab his sword and fling it over my shoulder to tuck his sword tuck roll a defy danger dexterity.

If you're trying to catch that. So cool. Thanks for putting me in danger by throwing a weapon at me. Heads up. I've done this many times fucking seven. The sword goes into my hand. I can it goes into the original hole like fits into the hole from the spear from the spear. I think it'll definitely deal damage to you. I don't think you have to get it through your fucking hand.

It is going to be the thing where like it's like this cool thing was like boom grab sword throw and then tuck sees it and then you see him like get scared slow motion yeah, it's the thing where like remember when you're in high school and you're like the thing I'm the most afraid of is if someone casually tosses me a handful of keys. You know that thing? In a group setting. Yeah, totally. You could see like you could see the moment that he his hand starts reaching out second guesses.

I start fluttering second guesses himself. His eyes start darting all over the place. He looks at the girls that are it deflects off of his fat fingers and then the the sword comes down slices like the side of his face and then you hear him go. Okay. Yeah, Ving roll a d6 weakness becomes him three. Okay, so three damage. So you've got a nice bloody cut on the side of your face that but now you've got a light guard sword in your hand. What do the light guard weapons look like scimitars?

Yeah, we can just go scimitar. Yeah, cool as hell and it's got each sword has like like a verse of prayer on it. Cool like each light guard picks their favorite verse that like defines their fighting style and who they are. Oh that they make a paint out of crushed up saffron and grease. Oh the lard from the candle the light the tallow road tallow from the tallow from the tallow and saffron the tallows from whales. It's like whalers used to bring tallow. That's cool.

Well tallow and saffron pigment and the in the it's like the thing where like the handles are gold and then in the hilt is the pommel of saffron. So we also got a little bit of saffron. Yeah, totally cool. So we set up the third swords can catch on fire. I think that's not great. Cool. So you have a sword. Scary scary. What do you do with that sword? I attack. Yeah, hack and slash hack and slash. 12. Oh Jesus Christ. Yeah, roll your damage. 8 and I get a plus 10. Wow.

I think he's using the sword. More like like a bat. Basically, he's not using tuck is a real aversion to using like the sharp edge of all weapons. Talk literally killed a man and stuff them in a barrel in season one. It was a different person. That was months ago and that guy was both racist, transphobic and sexist. So I think we all are a fight with that guy being dead. Okay. All right. So the yeah, he's just you're smacking him with the flat.

Yeah, with the flat end of the sword and like like he also doesn't want to like raise a ton of heat against us where they're like it'll go from catch them to their mass murderers. They're yeah, murderers totally. So he like just like smash smash smash. It's like a whack-a-mole game. Yeah, the flat side. Cool. Yeah. So how many pass out? I mean, that's ten is enough to take out two. Okay. Yeah, cool. Right. So that's three left.

Yeah, there's a lot of like clang as tuck is just smashing people's helmets. And Billy, you run up to see your dad's doing some work. What do you do? I want to also do work. Yeah, I'm I have a job, too. I also have job. Can I like sneak sneak it? Like, can I do it where it's like I sneak behind them and steal weapons? Yeah, I'd say if you do a good trip, they have knives on their belts. Yeah. So if you did a good like trickster trade, there's also like a ton of loose weapons, right?

Because there's so many people knocked out. We're bound down by the thing. You could have gone and grabbed the weapon. Yeah, I'd say if I'm going to if you could do a defy danger dexterity, you can get up to somebody that's been knocked out and take their knife. I will do this. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, twelve. I grabbed the sickest of weapons. Actually, I'm comfortable saying that the weapon that you find is this person has a really nice knife that might not even be standard issue.

For whatever reason, this person has a knife with a little reservoir that you can see down the middle of it. And it's a little bit of a blade that would allow you to fill it with a substance that you can then like. That is stab people with. It's totally that. Yeah. Yeah. That's super. Yeah. And right now it's full of what it smells gross. It doesn't seem like it's a poison, but it's something. Can I spelt Spout Lore? Is that the right thing? Yeah. You could just sniff it. Sure. Spout Lore.

Sniff lore. Sniff lore. Huge. Wow. Holy shit. What is it with? Plus intelligence. But you got a six and a five. I got 11 then. Billy's the sniff Lord. Yeah. I got good sniff. And it's the sniff Lord because it's a food stuff. He's just used this to bring in some alcohol that he's not allowed to have. Oh, naughty, naughty. So what kind of what's a cool like Macaulay like hard liquor? Oh, oxblood oxblood. Yeah. You introduced that in season one. Oh, yeah.

So it's just alcoholic blood or is it called oxblood because it's a deep red. It's called. It's called. It's called oxblood. It makes it pomegranate juice. I think it is for me. Yeah. That's a cool. That's a really cool idea. Okay. Billy is armed. Oh, yeah. Can I stab a bitch? Yes. Bitch. This this is a backstab for sure. Because you've gotten close enough to this. Yeah. Cool. Backstab. So seven on a seven to nine with backstab. What happens? Okay. On a seven to nine, I get to choose one.

You don't get into melee with a weapon. You get to choose one. You don't get into melee with a weapon. You get to choose one. You get to choose one. You get to choose one. You get to choose one. You get to choose one. You don't get into melee with them. You deal your damage. You create an advantage for an ally. Reduce their armor by one until they repair it. I don't know. I think I just like to deal damage. Yeah, totally. So it means that like you're going to be in a fight now. Okay.

That's fine. Three. I stab his knee. Yeah. He cannot walk. Right in the back. Yeah. Their armor doesn't, of course, like go all the way around to the back of their knee and they can't get in. Yeah. So you just sink this knife into the guy and he screams in pain and falls to the ground and is like writhing. Sorry. As you run to his friend. He just left us alone. Yeah. A little bit of ox's blood got into him though. So he's getting a bit buzzed.

But one of the two remaining light guard hears that scream, turns around and sees you and starts walking towards you, lifting their sword. There's two guys left. Yeah. There's two left. Okay. Well, then I'll use my last hold to… Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Billy, who's turning to snab. My damage is a D6. I guess just drop kick him right in the back of the head. All right. Gekko Chi. Three. This isn't going to be enough to kill them.

I'll say that much. All right. But the way that you hit them, so you're just running and doing that two-foot kick on their back. You hit the ground, and the guy falls forward towards Billy. Billy, there's a person with a sword falling towards you. What do you do? I'm going to get out of the way of the sword and try to sword back. Sword back. Yeah. Poke. Defy danger dexterity to get out of the way. Oh, fuck. Twelve. You do like a reverse handspring. Yeah, it looks so cool.

And since this is not a surprise for this person, hack and slash if you want to fight them or stab them, I mean. Seven. Okay. So, yeah, deal your damage, but they're also going to deal damage to you. Six. Holy shit. And then roll a D6. Six. Whoa. I have a hold where I block and take half the damage. Yeah. As the guy is falling forward, he's swinging his sword, and he swings down, and the blade is coming for Billy. I slide in underneath. No. And it cuts through.

It gets through the little plate, like the little ridge in between the plates of metal that have allowed your arms to move. It's stuck in a piece of my flesh in between two plates. Yeah. So the metal stops it, so it doesn't go all the way, but it still hurts. Yeah. And Billy, the guy just lands in front of you with the thud. His sword arm is up, stuck in Ving's arm. What do you do? You deal the damage. So how do you kill this guy? Oh, my God. I'm so mad. I imagine he lands face down.

So it was just basically I held my knife up, and it just goes into his throat. Oh. Oh. What does Billy say to this guy who's sitting on his knife, or like laying throat first on his knife? Choke on this. Yeah. And his eyes go blank as the light of life leaves him. Oh, shit. I'm so sorry. I know you had a family. He immediately thinks of the family. Yeah. Because I just did that because Ving slid in, and I saw him get cut, and I was just like, well, fuck that. And the one.

There's one left, and they're standing in front of Tuck with the sword, like, held out in front like you're a moose or something. Yeah. And trying to be like, whoa. And they look around. Billy's just stabbed the shit out of people. Before that, it was nonlethal. Now there's a kid that's killing people. A puddle of blood is pooling out from his face. Yeah. And he drops his weapon, and it's like, whoa. I don't even like working for the light guard. Why do you work for them? It's a job.

You know how. You know, it's hard living here. They pay pretty well. And it's, like, prestigious. I just want to go. I just want to leave. Leave me alone. I just want to go. Okay, man. Okay. Don't tell them where we are. I'm not telling anybody anything. And he takes his helmet off and throws it on the ground, and he looks like he's maybe 18, and he's, like, unstrapping his armor and dropping it on the ground, and he's just booking. Okay. I feel so bad.

And as you're all standing there around these unconscious and dead bodies, Shia walks up with Zane, and Uma, and Ama, and looks around and is like, whoa, we should get out of here. I know a way back into the city from out here. So, yeah, you get to the top of the hill, and, Billy, you're, like, thinking about how this did not turn out how you wanted it to. Yeah, I feel so bad, and I'm crying again. Yeah, and you're, like, looking at your new knife. Do you keep the knife?

Yeah, I keep the knife, but I'm just, like, I'm a bad person. And you get to the top of the hill, onto, like, the top of the hill, like, this, onto the badlands that surround the upper ward, and sitting at the top of the hill is a sturdy, old-looking sandboat, sort of a wooden cabin sitting on top of very hardy skis with a sail sticking out of the top. And I imagine, like, there are a lot of, like, soldiers, like, library martial forces, because they're like, this is an extraction. Yeah.

They're dressed like civilians. Like, they're dressed just like sandboaters, but you can see in the way that they are standing and in the way that they're standing, and their general level of fitness, that these are definitely, like, librarians. That's cool.

And so there are people hanging off of this boat, like, sitting on top of the cabin, hanging off lines, and a hatch in the top of the cabin pops open, and out comes Farah, master librarian of the Margani Library, with sand goggles over her eyes. Cool, yeah.

And she puts them on top of her head, and it's funny, because she was obviously looking through, like, the pilot's opening, so it's just, like, it goes from her forehead to her cheeks of dust, and then she pulls the goggles off, and there's perfect circles. It looks like she's wearing a little raccoon mask. This chick is so fucking cool. She's so cool. And she says, let's get you to safety. And everybody loads up, and you head back out into the desert and to the Margani Library.

And I think that's where we're gonna end it for this week. I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara. Joining me as always, playing Tacoma Dome, the barbarian Abdul Aziz. Hey, I just almost said, my own name. Abdul. Playing Ving, the half-elf druid, Paul Oppers. Abdul. Playing Fat Billy, playing Fat Billy, the half-ling thief, Jessica Tai. Abdul. Stop making fun of the way I'm doing the outros and the intros. Thank you, Ted.

Thank you to Aaron Reid for our intro and outro music, and for giving us this theme song that allows us a weekly opportunity to make fun of Abdul Aziz. And thank you to all of you, our supporters, our susporters around the world for listening and having such a good time with us.

You can find us online at Spout Lore three who tried the best they can though dumb and scared and lost they be for times of rest in revelry and though our journey may be like a conclusion we will not leave you without a resolution return next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores and for you I'd gladly spout more