Episode 8 – The Stranger

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape, and wields a spear with great might Billy's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends, and listen close For the tale's about to start Hello everybody and welcome to Spout Lore!

I'm your Game Master, Sean O'Hara Joining me as always playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian Abdulaziz Hello everybody! Playing Ving the Half-Elf Druid, Paul Oppers Hi! And playing Fat Billy the Halfling Thief, Jessica Tai Hello!

When last we left our heroes, they had gotten the piss kicked out of them By Colm Blackhammer, one of the Princeps of the Fired Fields Principality and leader of their military forces We gave as good as we got I feel like I think so too Dude, Billy is, was 20% knife for a while It's a good percentage to be Means I'm like a weapon of destruction The knife was facing the wrong way, Billy It's okay, just take it out and then you can use it on someone else Don't take that out That's what you did do, you just ripped it out of your chest Oh we actually did, I remember, okay so the party ran back to Hither and Yon Through the finishing battle between the Alliance and Firefield's forces with the victory of the Alliance against all odds Pretty cool It's also from their perspective hilarious where three insane people show up Out of a toilet Beat the shit out of a robot Yeah Run away Kill Colm Blackhammer Back into a toilet Yeah, run Come back with a dying child And then run back into a toilet Did everybody see that?

We're on the same page, right?

With two hit points left, Billy decided to roll a Defy Danger to remove the knife from his body Insane Pretty metal Fucking insane move Jess Pretty cool I could never do it in real life I'm too scared Ah, fantasy Yeah The intervening time following their return to Hither and Yon was spent dealing with that The fact that Billy was mortally wounded in this fight with Colm Blackhammer There was some relaxation had as Billy still in his winter form was having a bit of a, should we say temper tantrum?

Is that how we would, a temper tantrum? Yeah, a temper tantrum? Temperature tantrum?

Because he was now cold Temperature tantrum, good one Tuck took a little snooze in the rest period Mm-hmm Having his, not dream, sleep Brain Sleep place Yeah, I guess like the empty vacuum Like for Tuck most of the time, like if he sleeps now without the dream, he closes his eyes and just wakes up Yeah Like no sense of intervening time Yeah, and if he is brought into his mind it is an empty void And that void was temporarily filled for a time by the icon of servitude Trapped in the coin embedded in his chest It is sort of worm tongue Lucifer style trying to get you to allow it to help you in some way Yeah Yeah Like a real bad boy Jiminy Cricket Yeah, bad boy Jiminy Cricket Yeah That's sick Yeah, sick Jiminy Cricket with a leather jacket Yeah, cigarette And a cigarette And a candy can Yeah Hither and Yon disconnected from the fanny pack Everyone realized that if Morris and Perel were going to complete anything that they needed to complete, they would have to do something else To complete anything that they needed to do at the High Spirit they required their tools and their equipment which were all back at the fanny pack So Ving used his abilities to commune with the spirit of Hither and Yon as it were, whatever that spirit takes the form of And connect with the deep, deep need of Victor the Lyre Wolf who is absolutely horrified at the thought of you all being alone without him alone quote unquote It was one of the cutest scenes we've ever done Yes Because Victor considers anyone that is not with him alone, no matter how many other people are there And connected those two extra planar locations allowing Hither and Yon and the fanny pack to reconnect Morris then devised a plan to bring the fanny pack into Hither and Yon by constructing a shed in the clearing to use the door as a back door entrance The shed was constructed over a series of days while the party recovered And Billy had a dream during his recovery time of the Gibbous Man And an encounter he had with the Gibbous Man who knows how long ago The Gibbous Man attempted to enter the Halfling Lands and was denied by Billy the Tree Morris constructed his shed, the party was getting ready to leave the clearing And on that last night Ving went out to work on some night moves, look at the night sky, get some information about their foe the Gibbous Man Who then appeared before you There was some shit talking done And then Ving immediately rolled fight with honor It was so cool So powerful Get my son's name out of your mouth The Gibbous Man's main move in this fight was to destroy the shed thereby cutting Ving off from the Hither and Yon During which time Ving used his ability to predict the actions and mistakes of his foes getting the Gibbous Man close enough to lay hands on him Shoving him, proving that he has a physical form After which the Gibbous Man disappeared Back inside the party prepared to move Hither and Yon to Highspear City to drop off Morris and Perel And as they were saying goodbye they saw a rally happening in the town square that they'd arrived outside of Which seemed to promote the mayoral election of a one Etienne Boggins, the savior of Mudlark It's such a stupid Thing to see And that is where we find our heroes now Oh wait you missed one thing Ving and Tuck have over the course of the entire show been playing a game where they try and show each other their dick and balls How could we forget?

That's getting cut, that's getting cut Yeah Ving and Tuck have apparently been playing that dick and ball showing game from waiting for the last seven years From the Ryan Reynolds From the Ryan Reynolds vehicle waiting Huh Yeah whenever Billy goes to sleep they apparently show each other their penis I really wish I didn't sign up for this So fanfic writers do your thing Somebody draw this That is where we find our heroes now You see a mayoral rally happening before you, what do you do?

Did Morris and Perel walk away? They're standing there, Perel is looking at you guys Uh huh Cause he looks and points Etienne Boggins Uh oh That's that guy, right?

From season one From the first season of the show He's from January on the calendar From our mayors of Spout Lore calendar Billy's on most of those months It's mostly Billy In different monocles and different top hats The mayor of Mudlark The mayor of Lil Sur Just Billy in different outfits I do like this Yeah it's very funny Can you remind me of what our relationship was like with Etienne when we left him?

I don't think it was good We did bad stuff Didn't we lock him in a closet or that's the other guy?

We did No we did, we locked him in a closet for a couple of days Yeah for a while Yeah and then we sort of fucked him over He was working for Maggie under her guise as muckraker Right When she was a quote unquote criminal She put him in office She got him elected as mayor of Mudlark And the last that we saw was you guys had kind of accidentally framed him Right And he was like the theft of the box And he was like roughed up and taken away Right Oh by Caroline By Caroline Oh Yeah so he would not love seeing us No he would not like you guys at all I'm gonna roll fight with honor You do see that he is not here You see banners of Etienne Boggins Okay You see people on stage And now like the speech has happened and they're handing out flyers and stuff What color are banners?

I just want to know politically I'm thinking Which way is he leaning here? Probably blue Blue or red? Probably blue Oh He's fiscally liberal Or brown Socially conservative He's an idiot That's under that's like the tagline The tagline Yeah Everyone's like this is bad His banners are all tie-dyed He's a tie-dyed Actually I do wonder if they might be kind of brown From Mudlark?

Yeah he's trying to play up this savior of Mudlark thing So they're brown and green He's from Vertgrass Yeah He's from Vertgrass Yeah He's from Vertgrass Yeah He's from Vertgrass Yeah He's from Vertgrass Yeah He's from Vertgrass Yeah He's from Vertgrass though He's from Vert- So he's from the Black Tree Principality Right He was mayor of Mudlark And now he's running for mayor of Highspear It's tie-dyed black, green, and brown Yeah It's his camo It's camo It's camo It's camo Because he wants to be the strong like military leader Does he?

Oh my god Of the alliance Oh Right?

Because the alliance is new Right Yeah So you think he's jockeying for Okay let's roll some stuff This is cool No he wants to get the people behind the army Yeah And I also think that the- Maggie is still pulling the strings here because he Yes He doesn't have the wherewithal No To put himself in office Maybe even Maggie would never make such an ugly poster Yeah His campaign is failing Bad campaign Maggie's also like thousands of kilometers away as far as you know So then this is maybe a different branch of the Menders Could be I personally think that this is his own thing That he was not welcome really in Mudlark So he's like I have to go somewhere else I have to go Oh classic So who's rolling what?

What do you mean? You said we had to roll to figure this out Well I said yeah I mean it could be a spell or Discern realities Discern realities Are we all just like hanging out of the doorway or something? Yeah people keep trying to come in and we're like fuck off Yeah get out of here Mears is like this is a pub you could just go But this is our pub We don't understand Yeah we don't get it Technically it's my pub Yeah fair What?

I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know Yeah fair What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? And Allison are fucking close. And they're the same person. Oh my God. Sorry, I keep derailing. Colonel Dan, he just puts nail polish on his finger. On his nails. Puts it asleep.

Paints his nails, sits on his hand until he falls asleep. He gives himself to strangers. That's what Allison was the whole time. It was Colonel Dan giving himself to strangers. He put a pile of books on his penis until his penis fell asleep. It feels like you're jerking off a stranger. A pile of books on your penis. Just horrible. Jerking off somebody else's penis rather than having a stranger jerk him off. Hey, it's sound. This would work. Somebody draw this. Somebody draw this.

Draw Colonel Dan putting a pile of books on his penis for just long enough that it goes to sleep and then him painting his nails red and jerking himself off. If anyone draws this, I will find a way to ban you from the podcast. I will make it happen. Jess has started drawing. Did you paper cut yourself? I did because I got too excited. No, don't. She's doing it. Zoom in. Well, Jessica drew a stack of books on a penis. It's really long. That's a really good stack of books.

That's a stack of books on a penis. Oh my God. Oh my God. Paul reached for his phone so fast. Two phones. Just smashed both of your phones. You just shared your contacts with me. Jessica's so mad at herself for drawing this. It's so hard to make your penis fall asleep and remain hard. It's so funny. The head is sticking up from under the phone. Oh, I love it so much. This will be the title card for this episode. I saw it. I saw it. Did you see this, dude? Yeah, I saw it. Did everyone see this?

Yeah, that's a little dickhead sticking out of the pile. Oh, there it is. Now I've seen it. Oh man, I'm making this my background. So I think, okay, so the thing that you need to be on the lookout for, you are looking at this crowd, which is not, it's not huge. Yeah. It's not a huge crowd. Do they seem like they're supporting him? It seems like they're interested.

Like by the time you got here, it seems like they've got the vibe of, this guy was saying some interesting stuff about this candidate. That's fascinating. Huh. But you don't know exactly what it is, but you do see people handing out pamphlets and flyers. Who's really in control here? Okay, so who's really in control here? You can't help but think as you're looking at this, you're like, fuck, Etienne Boggins, you're connecting all the dots from your last encounter. Like two years.

Two years ago, two and a half years ago. But from where you are, you see nothing that would suggest this is like a Maggie Cole operation or a Mender thing. It seems like this is Etienne Boggins. Okay. Yeah. He's an independent. He's running as an independent. Yes, that is it. He is running as an independent. For sure he is. There are several political parties in High Spear City and he was part of none of them. I kind of imagine this like a street all full of candidates. It's like a market.

Oh, nice. It's like a big market full of stages. Yeah. There's several stages and there are many candidates giving speeches. That makes sense. And the crowd chooses and they're mostly going towards his camo. And then on the other side is a bunch of like food stands and like hushy games and stuff like that. And those are packed. They're like food for mayor. So there's a carnival. Yeah, there's a carnival on one side. Hot dog drop. Yeah. Yeah.

Maybe this is like a time honored democratic practice in the principalities is like a carnival where all the candidates come out and are like, I'm running for office. And there's also food. Yeah. Yeah. Food and games. And there's a like prize hog competition also happening. One time, one of the prize hogs accidentally became mayor. Because people didn't know. Francis is like, pardon me. I see a bunch of junk in those ladies' trunks. And he just swaddles out to look at the prize hogs.

Curls his mustache. Good day, ladies. Oops. I was trying to do a pig sound. I just almost tooted. Whoa. That's how the shit got on your chair. There was not shit on my chair, fool. You can't. Paul sharted through his pants last time we recorded. That did not happen. Nobody draw that. When we came back, there was a brown stain on his chair this time. That was shocking and true. That was shocking and true. Just totally middle school turn on you. But then also fully acknowledged.

That didn't happen. That didn't happen. That is shocking and true. That is shocking and true. I will recognize that as an adult person. Okay. Yeah. So, I mean. Oh, you get one more question. What here's not what it appears to be? Oh, interesting. So, you are a warrior of great experience. You are adept at recognizing, especially with your newfound role as this repository of ancient knowledge. You're good at reading people's intentions.

And you're seeing a lot of people in this crowd that all seem off, but not off in like a sinister way. Often you're like, oh, those are people that are pretending to be casual. Ugh. Like there's somebody that'll like go up to a cart and like pick up an apple and like look at the apple, but be like looking or like clearly watching the crowd. Okay. Yeah. Can I use a refresh street rat? Remind me what that one is. I get to ask what is the biggest threat here? Cool. Then yes, absolutely. Yeah.

So what? Yeah. Tuck scans the crowd and he sees these weirdos being weird. Yeah. Weird. And those, those. You notice like there are like guards walking around, you know, like the class. I've got a helmet and a little tabard and a spear and I'm here for security. But these individuals of which I think from where you are, you see like four or five spread out through the crowd. Those are the most dangerous people here. Yeah. It overlays a Terminator vision. Yeah, totally. Yeah.

And you are, you are picking out like, oh, uh, this person's got like a knife, like hidden in their vests. Like every, they're all armed and they're all secretly armed. You see dangerous lumps in people's clothing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because Tuck is an idiot. He's just been standing slack-jawed for like two minutes looking at the people who are not trying not to have attention drawn to them.

Just like staring drools coming out of your mouth. I look drunk. I look like a drunk guy about to get in a fight. Tuck, what are you doing? Those guys are dangerous. Okay. Play it cool. Cripes. Your clothes. Give them to me. As you close your boots and your motorcycle. And your motorcycle. Yeah. So what is your what's your plan here? Like, do you are you sticking around for this? I want to now. All these bad guys roaming around. Yeah. Etienne Bargains is trying to get elected for mayor.

Canonically, we do not let that guy be mayor. It is our moral responsibility to make sure he's not mayor. We have to take this side. It's foundational to our characters. I want to I want to be clear to you and I want to be clear to the listeners. Yes. You guys can walk away. I know right now. Well, I feel like we kind of. Well, Morrison Perel do have work here. Yeah, of course. So they'll be here for a month or two. Probably working on this.

We don't want Morrison Perel stuck somewhere where there's like these like armed assassins or whatever they are. What if they are associated with the benders? Then the wizards are in great danger. Yeah. So we have to make sure that Morrison Perel are safe. Yeah. Yeah. So I guess this would be. Oh, wait. Did you guys bully me into agreeing that the High Spears over? The mall? No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. It's on like a cliff side. It's on a cliff side. Yeah.

Yeah. It's on a mountainside that is like the city is at the base of this mountain. It's kind of like the chief is Squamish. Yeah. Yeah. And there's a big tower on top of it. Isn't the High Spear like thousands of feet in the air? I wouldn't see it from miles away. It's like a skyscraper. It is. You guys did see it from very far away. Yeah. In the like second season when you were traveling. So there are those floating pieces above it too.

So it's built into the side of a mountain, but also parts of it like extend below like into a mountain valley. So there's lower entrances as well. And do you want bits that like float? Oh, for sure. There's parts of it that have like broken off that are like floating around. Yeah. That's so cool. Then yeah, you've got this. You've got the square before you. You've got some sinister, mysterious figures in the crowd and you guys are staying in High Spear? Yeah. For the time being. Yeah, we should.

Can we stay in High Spear? We should stay in the Hither and Yon, right? Can we use it as? You got your room keys. You can kind of pop in whenever you want. Yeah. Is the Hither and Yon staying? Mears kind of shrugs and goes, maybe. Okay. Unless someone really needs something, then the Hither and Yon kind of decides where it's going. Tuck closes the door and reopens it from the outside. Yeah. You open it. He's still there. He goes, guess so. Don't do that.

Victor is at the door like trying to nudge it open. Like, let me come. Let me join you. Time passes differently. So we open it. Oh, yeah. You open it. I had to be so mad. Stuff is happening as you're opening and closing. Yeah. Mears is gone. Yeah. Victor's there. I have to be. Let's take Victor with us. Let's take Victor with us. Yeah. So Victor shoulders his way out of the door. What does he look like now? Because he was getting more domesticated and easier to see. He's getting easier to see.

His ears are drooping, right? His ears are drooping a little bit. He's kind of becoming dog-like. I like thinking he's got them in like airplane mode, you know? Where they point back? Yeah. Yeah. Totally. Yeah. Because he's like just listening. He's listening to so much stuff. Yeah. And they're a little floppy from being so comfortable. Not floppy, but like a little bendy. He's got a little bend to him. And he is becoming somewhat easier to see.

You kind of get like glimpses of limestone colored fur. Like it's kind of like off. It's like a white, green, gray almost. I like that. That's cool. But he's the kind of thing where like if you're not looking right at him, he kind of fades from view. If you look like he does not appear in peripheral vision. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's interesting. Yeah. Also, something I realized, Ving, you have the ability to make it possible for other people to hear animals speak.

You're now in a city with tens of thousands of people in it. Yes. Do you keep that going? So do we think that I can direction it? Oh, sure. So what I'm saying basically is that people will be able to hear Victor speak if he speaks. And most people are not accustomed to hearing animals speak. I could use a fairy child to create. I could use a fairy child to create a convincing illusion. Oh, just make him look like a regular dog or something? Maybe. Or like a guy.

Or just turn into a beautiful husky. Yeah. Beautiful husky. Who then still talks. Or a man named Victor. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay. A man named Victor. Makes more sense. 11. Holy shit. Okay. Yep. What does Billy think Victor would look like as a person? Like what does he make Victor look like? Like a tough guy. Like a bald. Yeah. Bald. Nice. The earring thing. Like a criminal would have. Oh, yeah. A stud? Yeah. Studs. I love that. I think he's the dude from like Slow Horses.

One of the Russian agents. Oh, yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The younger bald one. Yeah. Yeah. So he's got like a leather jacket on. He also looks kind of like a, he's got a farmer build. So he's just like stocky in like. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And he goes, oh, I am magnificent. Oh, no, there's gonna be a problem. Oh, I knew he'd like it. He sees himself in a window and goes, yes. Beautiful. Beautiful. This is what I feel. And now you see what I think I am. It's nice to finally meet you, Victor.

He puts out a hand and you feel a wolf paw. Oh, yeah. Okay. Okay. Shake a paw. Shake a paw. Good boy. And you feel his teeth sink into your hair. You put your hand. Into a wet wolf's mouth. I grab some granola in my pocket and throw it in the air for him. In his human form. He goes. Chomps it out of the air. Good boy. Now I am undercover. I am the ultimate stealth operative. Exactly. We all have to be stealthy here. Very good. And he takes a step forward. Hello, everyone. Normal human man here.

What a beautiful diet market. And he goes. He looks back at all of you and he winks. I give him a thumbs up. Perfect. I give him a thumbs up. He's actually a pretty casual Russian. As far as Russians go. It's really convincing. Super cash. Super cash. And Morris and Perel kind of hike up their backpack straps. Morris is like, I definitely thought this was going to be a sort of solo excursion for the two of us. We won't bother you. Billy, I mean this in the most generous way possible. What?

You're already bothering us. You're already bothering us. You're already bothering us. Billy's feelings are really hurt. But then it shifts to a wide and because Victor isn't used to like his bulk in a market scenario, he tips over an apple cart. Apples everywhere. And he goes, yes. Just keeps walking. Your apple cart was too weak for my hips. And Perel goes, Billy, you're fine. And he pats you on the shoulder. What's the plan here? Why are you? Well, what's your plan?

We're going to try and make. Look at these guys. Look at that guy. Look at that guy. What? Look at them. They're shifty as all get out. Oh my God. Do you think Perel starts getting really nervous? What do you think they're? What do you think? He's sweating immediately. Is it the light guard again? Are they coming for us? I don't think it's the light guard. And then I pull him in really close, like almost too close. And I'm like, all right, Perel.

The last time we interacted with that damn boggarts, he was working for the menders. These guys might be menders. Right? Right? So maybe keep a low profile on all the magic stuff when you're here. Very low pro. And you see him like start tensing his muscles and he like shrinks down a little bit. What? Not like physically, not magically, but he starts like curling in his shoulders and like dipping his head a little bit. And he's like, got it. I have to suppress my thalmic field.

Is that what you just did? Yeah. Did you fart? No, not yet. It smells really bad. Okay. I did a little bit. Okay. Okay. Okay. All right. Maybe it's maybe, maybe it is best. You guys hang out. Cause if these are menders, that's going to be a real problem. Yeah. We'll keep our distance. We'll follow you. You take the lead. Okay. So the goal, like Morris and Perel's goal is to get to the high spear, which is, um, where do we think it is in relation to where you are right now? Far away.

It's gotta be like on the outskirts of town, right? Yeah, totally. The entrance to it. Um, so I guess your main concern here would be drawing the attention of the people that in the crowd, like the sinister people. How do we determine what they're on the lookout for? Do I still have any of my beefy things? Uh, well, which one are you thinking about? Connections? Uh, yeah, absolutely. I want to sidle up to one of the, like the game tents.

So connect, so connections, as we all remember is Billy leaves a sign of some kind for the ragamuffins in an area and asks for something. Great. Oh wait, no, I'll do the candy apple cart. Yep. Okay. There's a person. There's a person selling candy apples here. Uh huh. One candy apple, please. Right away. I don't know who this guy is. Uh, and he holds out a candy apple. I take it. What's going on? I don't know. Is Billy buying it? Is Billy just buying a candy apple? Yes. Okay. One coin, please.

Do I have a coin? You might. I would like to use a fairy child to charm him. Okay. Uh, cause I don't want to check if I have money. Okay. Don't remember if I have any money. Okay. So you spend your fairy hold to charm an individual, which I believe your summer form allows you to do for longer. Ooh. So you've charmed this candy apple person. Oh shit. Yeah. He says that I look just like his son. You look just like my little boy and for you a candy apple on the house. Wow. Thank you, sir.

Oh, of course. It's my pleasure on such an auspicious day as the mayor's carnival. Mayor fair. The mayor fair. Mayor fair. Mayor fair. Um, and I wish him a good day and eat the candy wapple. Uh, one bite. It's delicious. Um, and then I use the stick to carve a little symbol on the ground in the dried mud, in the dried mud to get a stick. Amazing. So many sticks laying around. Yeah. This is a good stick. Yeah. This is a really good stick. And also this is, you totally in summer form.

You're chilling. You're spending. Spending them like crazy. Okay. So what do you roll for connections? Charisma. Okay, great. Nine. Eight. How are you eating? I'm going to bring up a little bit of a water that's usually like carving into the mud, but it's like concrete. So give a little moist. Great. I got seven. Oh, perfect. So that makes it a 10. So on a 10 plus with connections. Mm hmm. On 10 plus. Uh, someone has it just for me. Mm hmm. Yeah. So I leave a symbol out.

That is kind of like a universal thing for ragamuffins. And, uh, you go and wait like the appropriate distance away to wait for someone to see your symbol. Yeah. I'm leaning against, uh, the, um, gosh, I've never, I haven't gone to enough carnivals. No. All the booths. The one where you like, uh, you shoot, you shoot an arrow at a duck, like a fake duck. Real arrow. Real arrow though. There's a duck flying around. Yeah. It's on.

It's like, it's like a puppet master up on the top of the tent and he's like puppeting some ducks and you have to shoot them with arrows. Yeah. Awesome. He's behind the duck. Yeah. The counter guy is like, Oh my God. There are arrows just shooting out of the fabric of the tent every few minutes. There's so many arrows in the stuffies that you'll win. Oh, the big stuffy, the biggest one. Just full of arrows. That's where Tuck and Ving went while you were doing this. And Tuck is so bad at archery.

He's so angry. He's just like, stop telling me to chill out. I can get one. Okay. You gotta relax your elbows. Yeah. You gotta relax your elbows. Everybody stop telling me to relax. It's not working. I see that. And Billy, after a while. I'm leaning against the post with the stick in my mouth, like a piece of wheat. And you see a little ragamuffin. Notice the sign on the ground. I flick the stick onto the ground. I walk up to him. What does this ragamuffin look like? Like a long bean pole kid.

And brown hair and blue eyes. And he's looking very casual. Yeah. He's got a little button in his hand. And he's flicking it like a coin and catching it. It's a pretty sweet coin you have. Thanks. It's a snatch. It's a button. Used to hold my pants up. And now. And he lifts up his shirt. And he's got a belt on. Don't need it. Whoa. Ain't that the truth. And the kid nods. Wow. So. You need something? I see you've got that little sign there. I imagine it's this.

It's the universal symbol for ragamuffins. Yeah. The universal symbol is the cool S. The cool S that everybody draws. Yeah. I don't know if you've noticed, but there's some weird shifty looking fellows hanging around the fair. His eyes widen and he grabs you by the shoulder. And he pulls you behind the arrow booth. Tell me what you know about them. There are arrows shooting over your head. We keep having to duck. Fuck. We're flat on the ground now. Relax your shoulders. Ving, give me more coins.

I need more coins. Coins are here. So you guys. Corral, do you have any coins? I don't have any money. I'm a wizard. I mean, I'm a poor. Nice. All these heads look over and they're like, no, he's just a poor. He's just a poor. Just poor. So you're laying. Misspoke. You're laying on your stomach with this kid. Uh-huh. Yeah. Just don't. You can't be too, uh, too obvious with these guys. No, I'm trying not to be. I'm trying to be pretty chill about it.

The, the word on the street, the scuttlebutt is, uh, they rolled into town about a week and a half, two weeks ago. Yeah. Just as the adults were getting ready for the mayor fair. Then all of a sudden, new candidate. Which one? Any gestures towards Etienne Boggins. Boggins? Yeah. That's the name. I can't read, but I assume that that's what it says on that banner. That's also what I assume it says. I recognize his face. Yeah. So many B's.

I recognize most of the shapes of those letters, but not enough of them to understand fully. There's for sure one B in there. B's shaped like butt. That's how I read it. Exactly. It is shaped like a butt. And boobs. Oh. Ving's. I'll go back to the stand. Relax your shoulders. I wave Ving away. You're embarrassing me. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. It's just so cute. You're friends with you guys. Yeah. I don't know what their deal is, but they're definitely connected to that bobbin.

Do you think that they're on his side? I think so. They must be. Did they come in with him? I didn't see them come in with him, but people like the other ragamuffins have been saying that they've been around him. Where are those dudes staying? They're staying at the Spearmint B&B near the mall. I know a kid that steals bread from there, and he said that they've got a couple rooms out there. Oh, right. All right. Okay. Thanks, man. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

On his side long wise a tear escapes my eye goodbye buttons you're a real hero I go back to you guys and uh you guys are at the front of the aero booth and a kid rolls by on the ground billy's new friend and then I roll up to you guys billy nice rolling bud thank you um I want to tell you what he told me oh yeah go for it apparently those dudes came in with boggins and they're staying at the spearmint b&b wherever that is in the mall I think we do know where that is we've stayed there before have you yeah I think we got oh that's where you got love and lust from yeah we got a lot of lessons from it so yeah you should be able to get to the spearmint b&b if that's where you're going yeah I feel like we should roll out try and figure out what the fuck's going on with these guys we all roll out of here yeah did you win a stuffy uh 2d6 plus dexterity fuck I do of course you did five there's uh the guy that runs the booth is currently wrapping a show an arrow wound in his shoulder yeah we can't no I didn't get a stuffy but we have to leave now because they called the cops I got mad and they called the cops and that guy got stabbed with an arrow I guess accidentally fuck uh yeah so you can head to the spearmint b&b you can head to the spearmint b&b okay so you're walking through town high spear we haven't really seen what's high spears architecture like do we think rocky yeah stone stone lots of glass yeah like windows yeah tall wind tall narrow windows and stone buildings yeah lots of uh masonry fine masonry it's almost like the city was carved out of the mountain yeah like that a lot like there are some buildings that look like they're a single piece yeah yeah there's a little bristly pine trees yeah little like small parks what was I wonder what high spear was before it was the capital because kinos was the capital just a generation ago it was like a bureaucratic center for in we did this in an outlander oh I thought that was oh the high spear city was a was the bureaucratic diplomatic diplomatic center which is why it's kind of smaller yeah yeah it's like yeah it's like a government lawn like that style like yeah old oh yeah huge lawns and then it makes sense too that it's protected by like the mountains because it keeps them protected but also it's like harder to get in and out right yeah it's like the one one or two ways in it also means that they haven't and then because it's everything's made out of stone they haven't suffered massive losses by hoarders or yeah hordes of outsiders or by fire so everything's really really old and fountains everywhere a lot of stairways yeah loads of like lots of levels oh it's a very like uh elevated there's a lot of elevation differences in the city that's cool stepped yeah a lot of like old forums like the big open I have been taken over by like people setting up shanty towns or stalls in them so the streets were kind of like pristine like ivory tower style but now they're like lined with stalls everywhere you go like if people lived in the acropolis in rome and stuff totally yeah take over the ruins and make it their own yeah I completely forgot we did the outlander where like the mall was initially built as like the usual outlander and then it was like un kind of place basically yeah got built up over time to service people why the high spirit is here yes because it was they needed a way to translate everyone's languages of course so that they could uh broker like peace deals and stuff makes sense perfect sense so yeah there is a great there's a big that's why there's so many people running and like democracy is such a big thing here because they're very obsessed with the democratic ideals whether or not they are successful in uh actually representing them so yeah they're you're passing through the through a fairly bustling mid-sized city you're passing food stalls and restaurants people on the street what's the environment like right now I guess it is there's lots of campaign posters all over plastered to walls people handing out flyers for all their candidates um people hawking goods yeah oh yeah people entertaining on the streets yeah good time to do the things I think there's more people here than there usually are too because it's all the refugees from the riverways that have come up totally right now and they're like oh my god I'm gonna go to the riverways yes so the city is like kind of over capacity right now I bet there's lots of like trailers and like wagons and stuff where people have brought their goods or like sleeping in them or performances there's a cringe festival going on right here cringe festival yeah so there you actually you enter like one of the larger like fountain squares and there are wagons everywhere and there are tents set up and there are like cook fires going on because they've sort of designated this area as like a restaurant and they're like refugee center and it is the square in front of the mall so the mall is on the other side of this big long square oh cool towering structure yeah fucking huge mall yeah and then high above in the distance climbing up the side of the mountain that washes down over high spear city is the high spear itself a massive structure of metal and glass yeah people who have lived here for a long time can tell what time it is and what time it is and what time it is and what time it is and what time it is by where the shadow falls in the city oh cool or like yeah and like the movement of the the disconnected pieces are kind of like an like a clock almost that's really cool yeah you know the patterns of it like wind chimes like all the crystals like oh yeah that's so cool like the pieces that are floating around it yeah yeah cool sick you kind of follow your half remembered path back to the spearmint b&b you pass through this densely populated square and you see people the lower principalities that have come here fleeing the war families gathered around fires just like cooking stuff on spits just a real press of humanity sort of situation it's like noticeably tenser maybe than when we were here last yeah exactly there's the kind of thing where like there are now a lot of people from a lot of different places all living very close together and there might be some clashing of ideals and motivations and politics the high spirit can bring your language together but it can't bring your views together exactly yeah we see a couple of fights break out yeah totally over just like you know some space yeah like kid like that's your bite is my tent my tent goes from here to here and he's like my tent goes from here to here and then they just start beating the shit out of each other sick oh that really escalated that escalated so fast it was kind of for nothing guys it's pretty tense in here they both start yelling at you did you hear that guy he said it's intense that's some kind of pun make us look like idiots come at me I dare you I'm rolling for honor fight for honor I got three if I these two dudes pile on you oh shit she's laughing laughing uh yeah so you can pass through this fairly simply like you're just walking through a very tense spot but this is a very tense spot and you're just walking through a very tense spot and you're just a few feet away and you can kind of struggle a few feet away and you struggle a few feet away okay tuck wants to stealthily move through the crowd so he doesn't draw the attention of potential watchers yeah because if they're a covert operations group they probably got like people monitoring the crowd that is outside spearman could do so he wants to secretly get through this crap 2d6 plus dexterity I guess okay hey you got a problem with me Okay.

Hey, you. Guy. Me? I poke a random person. Who, me? Yeah, you. What? What's your name? Randall. Randall? Give me your clothes. What? No. Give me your clothes. Why? I'm super obvious. I have to be more stealthy. This is going from… I have to be stealthy to I have to strip this man. So this is going to be charisma, not dexterity. Okay, come on. Give me some clothes. I don't know. I'm trying to sneak into the Spearmint B&B. I'll bring something back for you. Oh. Oh. This is a parlay.

Free shampoos. Yeah. Free shampoos. The most exciting. Wait a sec. They got them little shampoos in there. Yeah, they do. And it's still continental breakfast time. So I can bring you some old oranges. Hot damn. Continental breakfast. All right. All right. Roll it. Okay, here we go. Ten. Nice. He's like, I don't know, and he starts unbuttoning his shirt. But if they got them little shampoos in there… I want something with yo-yo bar in it. Something with ylang-ylang. Okay.

And he's stripping off. He's just loudly saying ingredients and shampoos. No Laurel sulfites, though. Shut the fuck up, dude. They fuck with my scalp pH. And he starts unbuttoning. He undoes his belt and he starts wiggling out of his pants. Yeah, Tuck starts wiggling out of his rag. The rag he's worn for his entire life. Cover my eyes. He's got a string on his waist and it just drops to the ground with a flop. And then I look at Bing. Damn it. That's two. That's two.

No, you're still ahead by one. Oh, okay. And so this guy, Randall, gives you his clothes. Okay. He is obviously a lot smaller than you. You are one of the largest living people. But he's been wearing really baggy clothes. I actually lost a bunch of white. I lost a bunch of white recently on a special diet. That special diet is just armadillo meat. You eat enough armadillo, you don't want to eat for a long time. It's called intermittent fasting. And he's still wiggling out of his clothes.

Are you in a cut face right now? I'm in a cut face. Thank you for noticing. You look great. Thank you. It's all the armadillo. It made me barf a lot. And he's folding his pants and his shirt very neatly into a pile. Okay. I just take it and put it on. And then I give him my rag. All right. And he starts folding it. Okay. Is he totally nude? I'm totally nude right now. Okay, cool. I've been working hard for this body and I want to show it all. Now is my time. Now is Randall's time to show off.

And once I get that ylang ylang, I'm going to shine, baby. They're not going to turn me away at the front door of the mall anymore for having crunchy hair. They're going to take my picture down off the band for life wall in the mall for sure. That's what this naked guy said. And then he jumps into the fountain. Randall's day is coming. He starts wiping himself off. Yeah. Getting ready for a lathering. Now you bring that yo-yo ball back to me, boy. Okay. I'll do that. Can't hit a breakfast too.

I like them little sausages. He's getting further away. I also like that little thing with the cereal where you twist it and it falls out like a vending machine. I'm going to get that. It's fortune control. And that's what my armadillo diet's all about. I got a certain distance away and then the volume stayed the same no matter how much further away I got. That's crazy. So funny. So now you're wearing a- I think it's a high spear. Yeah.

He's trying to impart meaning to Tuck so any distance away you can hear it. I can kind of hear him. Yeah. I'm going to get that. I'm going to get that. I'm going to get that. I'm going to get that. I'm going to get that. I can kind of hear him. Yeah. And then Tuck comes back and he's like, he's got a button up shirt that's like straight at the button. And basically capri pants for sure. Yeah. And capri. I look like the Hulk. You look like the Hulk has changed into the Hulk. Yeah. All right.

I'm ready to sneak in guys. Ready to go. Yeah. All right. Yeah. Morse and Perel- Are walking way ahead of us. Yeah. They're gone. And you can see them walking towards a cafe. Okay. Where are we? Are you going to be at the cafe? We're not actually going to do. And he's kind of circling his finger at your whole stealth operation. He shakes his head. Not interested. You're lost my friend. And then Tuck puts fake teeth in. Like there's a hot topic booth that we've had. Yeah.

Some of the malls shops have come out into the square to try and hawk their wares during the mayor fair. Yeah. Victor and I are sharing a super long hot dog. It's a double dog. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This is the most incredible thing I've ever seen. This dog is two dogs. Yeah. It's the best dog you can get. Is this what being a human being is all about? It is, Victor. A tear starts to roll down his cheek. Don't cry.

I'm not crying. This is a beautiful moment we're sharing right now. I don't see beauty. I see meat. Oh my God. Do you need me for the stealth operation or can I? I just continue to eat the dogs. Can you stay with Morris and Perel? I will follow them unseen. Right. Yeah. Also keep them safe because we don't know how dangerous it is here. They're very weak physically. I know how weak they are. Every time they want me not to take their slippers, they cannot stop me.

I have eaten so many slippers and they have done nothing. I will go. I'll stop anyone from and he's looking at the hot dog and he stops talking. Hot dog. I would like to use another fairy child to get him another hot dog. Get your switcherooing something in your hand to a hot dog. Oh my God. I'm switchering. Yeah. So I'm going to switch objects. Okay. Yeah. That's what I'm going to do. I'm going to take the half hot dog we have left and switch it for a brand new full hot dog.

You're flipping an existing hot dog? You need to give him a hot dog. I'm going to give him a hot dog. I'm going to give him a hot dog. I'm going to give him an allowance to teach him about the economy. It's not even like not, it's not, it's still half a hot dog. Only half though and I want a full double dog for Victor. Yeah. You see the guy at the hot, the double dog booth is about to hand someone a full double dog. And I go, no, I'm taking that. Yeah. And it switches into a half.

And Randall's like portion control. Fantastic. Thank you so much. Is there any armadillo in this? How much armadillo? Snacks. Snacks. Snacks. Snacks. Snacks. Snacks. Snacks. Snacks. Snacks. It's a şu.

So nude fully nude I need 70 or more armadillo if I'm gonna meet my macros today and you are victor uh stalks off with his full double dog in his mouth in his full hand is carrying it in his mouth panting yeah in his human form uh shouldering people out of the way because it seems like people don't see him before he hits them and then he just plows right through but he disappears into the crowd I think he's gone to a booth and he's got uh etienne boggins mayor thumb up shirt all decked out in full camo oh yeah yeah sweet they always hand it out for free it's fun to go undercover after dressing camo yeah uh what's billy does billy have a stealth outfit um his stealth outfit is uh a bag was flowing blowing around in the wind just a lovely bag just a plastic bag yeah it's a burlap sack that held uh powdered donuts it says donuts on it upside down that's actually a great costume yeah so I threw I put that on stick my head through the bottom I go I'm ready the three most perfectly disguised people to ever exist two people that are approximately seven feet tall yeah so conspicuous and then a little bag of he's covered in powder yeah and as he walks it's like powdering out the bottom of his outfit yeah he's got a little cloud of powdered sugar around him like pig pen his pupils are dilated slowly over time they get pinning and they're dilating and they're pinning he's just wiggly pupils uh and you see before you spearmint bnb the little mint leaf logo that you've seen in every town and city you've been to it's like a little bit of a thing to see in a little bit of a thing it feels like oh right it's a chain it's a chain all right yeah let's go in yeah you you head in through the front door and there is uh the desk with the man that you met here a year and a half ago two years ago still working here sort of a middle-aged guy with the he's got a mustache whether he had one then or just grew it now who can say and he's kind of balding on top he's got dark hair and he's reading a paperback novel what is he reading uh lust unbound oh my god I like your mustache thank you welcome to spearmint bnb do you remember us a lot of people come in here sorry especially with the mayor fair you know we got people coming in and out that's what we're in town for yeah voting for this guy oh yeah eddie and bargains he's oh you know what his actually his campaign office is uh no way he's been staying here oh what floor I would love to meet them oh that's oh hey any points at you I can't tell you I'm not going to tell you you that oh no way we're big fans it's against the rules everything you know the people that stay here he pats a big thick book on the desk I gotta keep it safe that's my job well they had asked us to come because we were potential campaign donors as you could see from my attire and then he does a couple more buttons up we're very rich all right td6 plus charisma I guess please please this is what he's doing in his head he's like please snake eyes no snake eyes okay in character so he goes nice try buddy you took those clothes from randall what he's been hanging out outside for a while now and I know what his big baggy fucking shirt looks like if you look on the back tech didn't see this but it says randall randall's shirt on the back it says randall's shirt and on the ass of the pants it says randall's pants son of a bitch just looking behind him so if look I don't know what your game is but I'm gonna have to ask you to leave no no no we just want a room for the night please well you did get a six so I do have something badass to happen so look it's against company policy for people to come here under false pretenses I know that seems weird for a chain motel because that's like 90 of our business is false pretenses but uh let's say you kick me a little bit extra and I overlook it kidding me man I complimented your mustache yeah what are you reading we like books too I'm reading lust unbound actually oh what if we sweeten the deal with like an extra thing to read and tuck wicks I mean I like books but I can buy books you know I could buy books with money I have money that you give me could I could I ask if I can see the book why because I want to learn how to read I'm trying to foster a love of learning and reading this book's a little uh inappropriate for a boy like you well I can't read yet so I don't know what's inside but I want to look at the cover okay and he leans over the counter and shows you the cover of the book and I'm like looking at it like wow so cool and fun but it's two buff knights just wearing the gauntlets and helmets and pants and they're like embracing I want to smear some oil of tag it on it do you still have oil I have one use okay so 2d6 plus dexterity nine nine eight oh seven okay so that does make it a 10 yeah so yeah he starts leaning forward doing the like look with your eyes thing and he's like I don't know what to do with this book I grab his forearm and just stretch it down to grab it I'm like whoa thank you thing what does it say it says love unbound what does that part say it says the story of two daddies who love each other I've smeared it's pretty oily now and I'm like whoa thanks for telling me thanks for showing me your book and he takes the book bag goes oh you got all your kid stuff on it I was eating donuts oh man all right again I'm gonna need a little bit of cash up front or some hey stuff for a room what's your name my name hey doug doug doug doug doug huh and his eyelids are getting heavier and heavier it's okay it's okay we'll watch the desk while you sleep no I open your eyes he opens his eyes and then slams them shut nice all right we're in and then he starts snoozing right at the front desk I steal a key for a room yeah you can there's there's keys on a rack you can just grab a key I grab the the guest book the ledger yeah so you grab the ledger off the desk you grab a key for a room and you just take off yeah yeah what room do you grab like what floor I I make sure it's a room that's empty in the ledger okay so you're flipping through the ledger really quick yeah okay number 13 oh this section in the back has palatial suites in it and you grab a key and are you grabbing a polite you're grabbing a yeah palatial suite yeah we're gonna grab the biggest room yeah obviously for us yeah so you grab the room key and you take the book and you hustle up to the the top floor and there is a room just absolutely massive it's got a room and then a bathroom whoa and that's it whoa whoa two rooms two beds two beds two double beds holy shit what's what are we gonna use the other bed for I don't know look at the size of this coffee machine with a bunch of little pods next to it look at all this free coffee oh man check out all this there's all shampoo and a conditioner sick and then took grabs that and for randall yeah totally so you guys have a room key to this spearmint b&b you've got a book what are you doing let's flip through the book and see if we can find the etienne boggins oh yeah certain realities uh yeah you can Discern realities for sure.

26 plus wisdom. 11. Okay. Three questions off the discern realities list. What here is useful or valuable to us? You find a room listed as Etienne Boggins. It is the, I mean, you grab the palatial suite, fourth floor key. So he's just a few rooms down. Oh, shit. You're in 403. He's in 405. Oh, nice. So close. Too close? Really close. Actually, I think that would make it across the hall. Yeah. You're directly across the hall. Yeah, we had to walk by a bunch of campaign people in the hall.

Those sketchy people eyeing us up. With the book from the front desk under your arm, just eyes wide, walking right past him. Just gives him a stupid two thumbs up. Go team. So are his like henchmen or whatever, like staying in the rooms around him? You didn't. So you do see that there are, there is one more room. That is taken out, but it is under a name you don't recognize. What's the name? It's the bad boys. Bad boys. Bad boys. Company. It is.

It's on a business account under the bad boys company and it's a bad boys co. Yeah. And it is 404. So it's the one next to you. Beside us. No, it's a clustered us here. Bad boys company. The BBC. The BBC. Nice. Really well funded. And it's the room next to you. Okay. I have an idea. Tuck starts climbing out the window. Okay. Right out the window. And you are like overlook. The thing is, is this window is overlooking the street. So what do you do? What's your plan here?

Tuck was thinking of climbing over to see who's in the room next to us. Yeah. No, that makes perfect sense. Yeah. I mean, I do think it's funny that you're sending the seven foot tall 500 pound member of your party to climb out onto a wall. Yeah. It's a window ledge, but it's great. This is what Tuck would do. Yes. Yeah. You want to, you're like, why don't we need to like, maybe just like sneak over there. Oh yeah. You want to take it, take over like you did with the fucking duck shooting thing.

Amen. Yeah. If you relax your elbows enough, you could probably go unseen. Relax this dude. Farts and then climbs out the window. Yeah. Climbs out the window. I'll fucking show you who can shoot a fucking duck with an arrow. It's like having two children. All right. 2d6 plus. This feels like dexterity again. Fuck. Oh, here we go. I'll fucking show Bing who's good with an arrow. Piece of shit. Okay. So that's nine. Cause I rolled a 10 and I have a negative one. Okay. So seven to nine.

I'll eight them. Okay. Relax your elbows. Your knees. You're so rigid in the knees. So angry. All right. 2d6 plus bond. Oh yeah. Yeah. You yells at some birds and they come and they distract the guy at the other window. Mm. Mm. Mm. Oh yeah. I failed. I got four, five. Dang it. Shit. So, uh, the, so it's a seven to nine. You do fail, which means that you are trying to talk to birds. Yeah. So which reactivates your animal communication field. Yeah. So the birds are like, Hey, fuck you, buddy.

You don't tell us what to do. You don't tell us what to do. I just want to say, check, check out the window right there. And you see a bunch of people down on the street. Look up to hear who's screaming and you see tuck. You're like climbing out the window and you start to hear somebody. Oh, my God. Open the window. Oh shit. You wanted to aid. Um, I want to run outside, knock on the door. Oh, I'm going to tuck myself into the donut bag. Oh my God. Like, like I'm room service. This is great.

Roll two D six plus bond. This is an aid. I think. Uh, 11. Amazing. You hear somebody start opening the window and Billy. Knocks on the door and curls up inside the donut bag. Yeah. And you hear somebody go, Oh, somebody's at the door and they, their fingers go back inside and then it took us. And then a bunch of birds shit all over just covered in bird shit. This is what we think of you telling us to check stuff out. You piece of shit.

What happens when somebody tells me to look at something, but you are able to get to the window unseen and unnoticed. Okay, cool. I look inside. Yeah. You see, um, a room with two double beds, clothes all over the place. Discern realities. Uh, yeah, totally. Let's see who the fuck's in here. Oh, six. Uh, Hey, how are you guys aiding in this situation? It goes out on the ledge to sneak, sneak, sneak, sneak. Get the fuck out. This was supposed to be stealthy. Yeah.

We're being as stealthy as possible. This is floors off. So high. Go ahead. Two, six. Holy shit. Failed again. Oh my God. Oh my God. Okay. So you guys are both out on the ledge, four floors in the air, roughly 60 to 80 feet. I do have a luck of the fair folk, which lets me aid from any distance. Oh yeah. Sick. Thank you. That works. Yeah. Yeah. So are you aiding my aid? Yes. Okay. Great. So you got a six? I got a, I got a six. So you got a six. So if you can aid Ving, it would aid. Okay.

We're doing this again. Aid Ving. Yeah. I'm going to create a convincing illusion. I'm going to look like when they open the bag, I'll look like a bunch of donuts. Fresh, fresh bag. Yeah. His hand goes into the guy's mouth. Grabbing like granola. So do you, is, so the creating a convincing illusion does cost a fairy job. It sure does. Okay. Okay. That's okay. So how many do you have left? One. Okay. Perfect. Oh shit. You had so many to say. I got a lot to use. Seven. Holy shit. Oh my gosh.

Thank you. So that makes that a seven, which makes your discern realities a 10. Sick. And it's cause no, it makes mine a seven. Yeah. Oh my God. That makes yours a seven. I forgot. So there was like, it's a combination of like tuck gets shit on and like he gets shit on his hands and like his grip starts loosening on the, on the wall. And Ving comes out and starts, I got poop on me. Ving starts squeaking along the railing, trying to help. Tuck's like, get away from me. I can do this.

And you guys are like bonking against the glass in the window. We're a team. And the guy in there is like opening the door and starts like turning his head. But then you see him sniff and he looks down at a fresh baked box of donuts. A bag. A bag. A fresh bag full of fresh baked. Fresh donuts. And that's what he says. Oh my God. I love fresh baked fresh donuts. And he fully turns away from you two. And he reaches down and he strains to pick up the donuts. Oh my God.

There's so many fresh baked fresh donuts in here. It's the heaviest bag in the world. And that's what he explains to the security guards that are outside of. Yeah. Outside of Eddie and Boggins' room. Guys, did you see your fresh donuts get dropped off? I love Spearmint B&B. They give you fresh baked donuts. But these are for me. And he starts closing the door. But he's like, he puts the donuts on the table. Billy, you get put on the table. Yeah. And he's just looking, nodding.

You know, uh, uh, Thand, Thandy, Thandy, you've come a long way. You've come a long way, Thandy. Everyone thinks he has a speech impediment. No, it's D-H. My name is Thandy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Thandy, come a long way from the streets of high school city. Don't walk in here. The security police got free donuts. This guy's just talking to himself.

This is what your bare success is, is you have the opportunity to answer one question as this guy is just like, no, I'm just going to appreciate the little things. Like a fresh bag of donuts. Mmm, smells good. Don't even want to taste them. Not yet. While he's doing this, Tuck and Vigor have like slowly snuck into him. We see him over his shoulder. He's like. Over his shoulder as he's nodding at the donuts. Shut the fuck up. Shut up. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up.

Stop relaxing your elbows and get the fucking window. Just like. Recovered in shit. Knocking over a lamp. Picking up a lamp. Just holding it. Watching Thand. Because he goes, probably some brown sugar donuts in there. I feel like I can smell them. I've had many donuts. I haven't had maxi donuts. I'm so. Excited. I grew up in the high school mall and now here I am. Getting free donuts at a hotel. Ving's laying like a bear rugs on his face in front of the fireplace. Slowly bringing his butt up.

Slowly inching forward. What are we trying to find out? Does he have a badge? I want to discern realities. Imagine Tuck is behind a curtain. Yeah, totally. And Tuck sees it. It's kind of like when Catherine Zeta-Jones is going around. Yeah. Yeah. You're so really amped. But like one curtain is flat against the wall. The other one is five feet out of the room. It's so huge. But Tuck does get a question. This was his basic. He gets one question from the certain realities. Oh my gosh.

Yeah, I forgot what we were doing. What discern realities on what seems to be a useless individual to investigate. But you do see there's stuff all over the room. Like there's clothes everywhere. Working security. Yeah. Yeah. And he starts reaching his hand out to the donut. He goes, Thandie, no. You got to wait. Makes it even better. They'll be gone. Now they just kind of bring the room together a little bit, I think. Ah, I love my job. What here is not what it appears to be. The fucking donut.

The fucking donut. God damn it, what a waste. It's true. Tuck is like, holy shit, a box of donuts. A bag of donuts is on the table. Fresh box of fresh donuts. Fresh box of fresh donuts. It's over there. Holy shit. I got to kill this guy to get those donuts. And Thandie is standing in front of the donuts and he's like, man, I love my job. Doing security for a kind of weird guy who's running for mayor.

You know, Thandie, now that we're alone, I think we can voice some concerns that we've always had about the job we've been doing. I think that guy's wearing a wig. I think he's wearing a wig for sure. And if it wasn't for that guy, I think he's wearing a wig for sure. If it wasn't for my love of free hotel stuff, like donuts and little shampoos and little hairnets they give you in the shower, I would say something.

But I don't want to jeopardize that, even though I think that guy is wearing a wig. He starts reaching towards the donuts. It's just that TM Bargains is wearing a wig. That's all he's revealed. And I, you know, and Thandie, I was also thinking of something else that I saw on the internet. I saw that was concerning to me that I'm voicing. He's a real exposition Thandie. Thandie exposition. That's my name. From the alleyways of the High Spear Mall.

They've always known me to be the guy to summarize events. I also heard this guy talking and he has a fancy accent. But here's the secret. Thandie, he doesn't have it all the time. Well, I think I might have it. I give myself a little donut. These fresh baked donuts ain't getting any fresher. It's going to be a bag of fresh stale donuts. And Billy, you see a hand start reaching towards you. And I lift up like a pinch of granola and it looks like a little mini donut popping up. Uh huh.

Do you think this is maintained by your convincing illusion? I am laser focused. A donut. Do we think that the donut is going to stay a donut after he removes it from Billy's hand? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Probably. You said convincing illusion. This is a convincing illusion. Yeah. So he takes a, he's got a full donut in his hand and he starts reaching it towards his mouth. And you see, even if he doesn't realize it, his fingers are like pinching together as they're going towards his mouth.

And he puts a little bit of granola in his mouth. He goes, oh, that's delicious. Tastes like a fresh baked donut. Oh, a lot of oats in there. Must be some kind of oat donut, Thandie. Well, now it's time to eat. Now it's time for me to turn slowly back towards the room in general. I sure hope everybody is where they're supposed to be. I'm rolling fight with honor. No, not Thandie. Thandie, no. Not this simple idiot. So fight with honor would be a brawl.

If you're going to fight this guy, it's going to be kind of loud. Are you comfortable with that? No. Okay. Okay. Ving's going to go a sneak inchworm style up to his feet and try and. You know, jump up and cover his mouth. Yeah, totally. 2d6 plus dexterity to get close to him. Okay. My dex is at zero. Boxcar 12. Oh, shit. Yeah. He's all right. Here we go. Time for me to slowly turn back towards the room and my bed.

And as he turns around, Ving is right behind him, covering his mouth, saying, looking for this. Looking for what? Looking for us. Who are you? Whoa. He took it really well. You're trying to knock him out. Yeah. Okay. Then, yeah. Roll your damage. Three. That is plenty to knock this man down into a position where he is not loud. Yeah. Shush. He's scared. Sorry. Oh, my gosh. Ving kisses him on the cheek. I'm so sorry. That was really loud. I just scared the shit out of Jessica with a kiss.

I'm just in fight or flight mode now. From a kiss. Okay. Somebody has to fight Jessica or let her run away. Yeah. Run. Jess, run. Run away from the kiss. No, I'm going to fight her. And his eyes are wide and you've got your hand over his mouth. Thandie, we're not going to hurt you. Take care. He's like pointing at the, he's like shaking his head. What? What? Yes. I let go of his mouth, but just enough. He nods. What? Are you here for the donuts? These donuts were never meant for you. No. No.

But I ate. One. That's right, Thandie. These donuts were meant. Oh, who are, where'd you come from? I'm still talking from behind the curtain. The fucking curtain is dark. It's my conscience. He knows. My conscience knows I ate a donut that wasn't mine. Oh, no. Did you see your name on those donuts? No. You saw the donut's name on those donuts. Oh, my God. What are you going to do to me? Tuck comes out from behind the curtain. Oh, no. And then Tuck goes, from now on, you work for us. Oh, okay.

All right. I can't give you this this easily. Roll a 2v6 plus charisma. Okay. This is very funny. Thandie, we know all your dirty laundry. Uh-oh. This won't shut up about you. No, we know all the fucked up stuff you had to do to get this job working for Etienne Boggins. And you're going to be a mole for us. 13. 13. Yes. 13. Okay. So, Thandie looks at the donuts. He remembers the taste of the donut in his mouth.

Thinks back to all the things he had to do to get a job working security for Etienne Boggins. You see his eyes well with tears. And he nods. Okay. I'll do whatever you need me to do. What do you need me to… What do you need? We need to know… What we need. What, like, the secret dudes are up to or whatever. He's looking around. You guys… You guys know what you need, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, man. You guys know why you're here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We know. Of course we do. We know. Of course.

You think we're going to climb out of a window on the fourth story of a hotel into your room without knowing what the point of that is? And we're both talking to a bag of donuts. Okay. So, what do you need me to do? We need you to tell us about those guys. What guys? Who hired you? Who hired you to protect Etienne Boggins? Who hired me? Yeah. Oh. Oh, no. I shouldn't say. You gotta. Oh, but I would be betraying the trust of the person that hired me. Well, I'll kill you if you don't. Okay.

I'll do it. That took so long for us to get there. That is really the only thing we have. Okay. I'll tell you. I didn't ever meet him face to face. I only met through intermediaries hiring extra muscle for a security campaign. But I did get the name. The Kestrel. And then you hear a rattle at the door. And that's where we're going to end it for this week. Thank you for joining us, everybody. My name's Sean O'Hara. I've been your Game Master.

Joining me as always, playing Tacombe Dome, the Barbarian, Abdul Aziz. So long, everybody. Playing Ving, the Half-Elf Druid, Paul Oppers. Take care. Playing Fat Billy, the Halfling Thief, Jessica Tai. Bye, everyone. Thank you to Aaron Reed for our intro and outro music. You can find all of the music that Aaron has produced for the show at Spotify. And you can find all of Aaron's music at Spotify.com. And you can find all of Aaron's original music at AaronReed.Bandcamp.com.

Thank you to all of our susporters around the world for susporting the show. If you would like to susport us and get access to a whole bunch of cool stuff, like the up-to-date feed for Mall Brats, postcards, lore drops, gift boxes, even games run by Abdul and myself, you can find us at Patreon.com slash SpeltLore or SpeltLore.com slash MoneyPlease. And thank you finally, and most of all, to all of you for listening. We'll see you next time. Bye.

So ends the tale of adventures three Who tried the best they can Though dumb and scared and lost they be For time's abreast in revelry And though our journey may be like a conclusion We will not leave you without a resolution Return next week to hear some more Whilst you commute or do your chores And for you I'd gladly SpeltLore