Episode 24 – Sexual, Sexual, Sexual

Spell Lore is brought to you by listeners like yourself if you want to check out more stuff or give us a support go to www.

p-a-t I'll start over sorry it sounds like a fucking Alta Vista ad gather round friends let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold a brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old you know them by name you know them by deed their quests are famously daring so here I sit singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute he knows not his home he loves to sing and fight fingers half-elf he shifts his shape and wields a spear with great might Billy's a thief his tiny size does mask the largest heart best of all and braves they may not be but their friendship outweighs their smarts so gather round friends and listen close for the tale's about to start hello everybody and welcome to Spell Lore I'm your game master Sean O'Hara and joining me as always playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian Abdul Aziz hey everybody why are you blasting a flashlight in your open eyeballs because I want to wake myself up and light is good at that oh my god I can my eyes hurt watching you do that that's bad playing Ving the half-elf druid Paul Oppers give me that thing no I love it playing Fat Billy the halfling thief Jessica Tai hello should we just turn on a normal light no Abdul wants to destroy his retinas what if we put what if we came to a compromise and we just put the flashlight in the middle of the table well I don't know if that's a good idea I have kids who don't smoke weed dude so awake guys I feel so awake right now you do actually look quite awake how is it what do you got you can't see anything you just turned the glass you can't see anything oh my god wow how are you gonna know when you roll snake eyes again I'll feel it that's what he rolls his snake eyes he will understand that when he picks up dice it is going to be two ones when he rolls them this season is the snake eye season for me for sure it really is it's 100% it is when last we left our heroes they received a gift from the thunderbird cloud piercer in the form of their long lost fanny pack yeah thank you the fanny pack it's back they flipped it open hopped inside and found their living arrangement almost exactly as they left it with a few small changes the plaque underneath the portrait of Morris Wadge which originally read master of arcane architecture now reads a man ahead of his time one of Ving's jars was moved a couple centimeters to the right touch my fucking jars and Billy's scrap heap of a bed drawer untouched no way to tell if it was changed at all because it looks like a raccoon lives there already the gourd is rotten too yes the gourd rotted yeah the fuck gourd the porn gourd which definitely because a lot of other stuff like the ice and the ice chest didn't melt a lot of the foods are exactly the way they were yeah so it's not like something that Tuck did to the butternut squash it must be what caused it to rot in the first place I mean all I did was make a wish on it I didn't do anything else I just made a wish on it make a wish on it?

yeah do you guys not do that?

that's not what I call it but they hung out in the fanny pack and Ving began making a paella in honor of their somewhere in the world friend Mears I attempted attempted to make a paella it took about 10 hours and it turned out okay he forced us to stay awake until 2am I am so sorry Perel and Maggie arrived Perel extremely hung over from his magical libation meditation session and slept on the couch passed out that's what my dad used to call it magical meditation libation session yeah Billy and the gang investigated the danger room flap after Maggie questioned what it might be really doing everything they could to just poke and prod this hole in the tent without exposing themselves to it without exposing themselves to danger somehow Tuck moved the visible wall of nothingness yeah Billy tried to tie a crystal to a string to throw it under the flap and see if it did anything but it just came up against a space that did not exist until Tuck took his axe shoved with all his might and made the crystal disappear possibly outside this plane of existence I'm so strong I popped something out of our universe I gave the universe a little hemorrhoid a little bit of prolapsed reality yeah that's how much of a fucking piece of shit I am when you did that forcing the crystal through Perel got so mad that he had to study yeah he grabbed some books and he did a bunch of studying as the paella was made Billy and Ving went out on the cliff while Ving communed with the spirits attempting to get some sort of information from the waning man knife finding that the knife seems to have the potential to act as a sort of compass directing him theoretically towards pieces of the moon which according to cloud piercer and tuck's bardic knowledge might be key to the thunderbirds ending the reign of terror that the storm is waging on the planet yeah everybody went to sleep tuck had a dream about allison but woke up in the uh nest and arms of a thunderbird named gail who just had a nice conversation with talk about how much she enjoyed sleeping in the same nest as him before taking off yeah uh and you went and talked to perel who explained that he believes morris might be somewhere in the tent yeah that's interesting like perel is probably excited even if he doesn't want to admit it by the idea that morris might be in the tent yeah what is more likely is that the hot spot that he used to leave the material plane is contained within the tent somewhere or within one of its uh realms many folded up rooms exactly there was the thought that the portrait of morris was either morris himself or contained morris in some way thought is a very strong term to use strongly assumed and the party decided to actively fight each other to try and get to the portrait after we fought each other to get to the flap yeah uh and it ended with ving pitching billy at the portrait like a cantaloupe yeah uh knocking the portrait from the wall of the tent revealing a safe oh yeah very elaborate make that billy then used his uh thiefy skills to very elaborately undo realizing that he had two choices to make one of which would trap you in the tent but one of you one of which would release a danger of some kind of danger and the other would trap you in the tent he went with his instinct and the entrance remains open and the flap to the danger room rose revealing a darkened entryway and a growl and that is where we find ourselves now what do you do can i speak to the growl sure oh gross sorry about that wet part can we do that again no ving says that to the ving sorry sorry sorry you hear um like and then what looks to be a rectangle made out of various materials with like a ton of little metal legs on either side gross big spider starts yeah not not so much but it's like that footstool dog from beauty and the beast kind of yeah it looks like an ottoman made out of like metal and wood and then with like a bunch of like metal and wood and then with like a bunch of metal and wood and then with like a bunch of like brass pointy legs like a like so many legs and it's like crawling out of the door oh my gosh it's a void creature is there a way to tell if it's dangerous 2d6 plus wisdom 6 minus 1 is 5 wow so tuck i guess tuck is probably the one that's looking right at it standing in front of it and it stops and you hear like a bunch of grinding and whirring like inside it and tuck goes uh and as you do that a bunch of compartments on it open up and then it expands and gets really long like it just it it's like the back half doesn't move but the front shoots out like a millipede and it and it like a duck's penis sure and all of its legs expand like along its length and it charges right at tuck and kind of grips onto you and starts wrapping around you oh god i take that the axe and i try and slice through it as it wraps around me roll a defy danger dexterity to move your arm before it traps it all right bone dice do not fail me so that's uh four okay roll a d12 this isn't fucking safe so yeah it's a six so six damage as this thing's metal legs like god grip into your flesh and it just it wraps around you but now your arms are like locked by your side you're constricted by the thing i want to stick the spear on the ground like just by its head as it's trying to go up him you know and then reef back and grab its head you can try and work it in there it is already wrapped around him yeah okay you can try and definitely pry it off i'm gonna try and peel the this thing off tuck like an orange yeah so uh 2d6 plus strength oh wow are you kidding me this is fucking bullshit i got 13 it sucks so don't worry tuck i'll help you you're welcome tuck is yelling about how angry he is yeah so you jam it in there and he's charging up the flashlight again he's stabbing it into his own eyeballs terrible so it wraps around tuck ving moves forward the spear you like jam it in between tuck and its body as maggie is like leaping across the room to try and help you yeah perel is trying to get away from it because he has no weapons he is not you know he's also probably seen this thing before he's probably seen sketches of it yeah it was like no way uh so yeah ving you like peel away it's yeah it's like head section leaning back with it it's still got tuck around the legs but it's like your axe arm has been freed so tuck's arm is free billy and this thing which you see like as a thief your natural inclination is like look at all the mechanical well that's what i was actually just sitting thinking i kind of want to use tricks of the trade with my hair pin to try to like take apart some of the gears oh like if i can find a gear to use it's kind of a struggle because some of the gears.

Oh, that's really cool. Like if I can find a good spot. It is definitely occupied with Maggie, Tuck, and Ving right now, so this is a perfect opportunity. Yeah. I'm going to do it. Give me a Defy Danger Dexterity first, just to make sure you can get up on it. Ten. Perfect, yeah. Okay, then give me Tricks of the Trade. Ten again. Beautiful. Are you fucking serious? This is so bullshit. Okay, so what are you trying to do? You're trying to like remove a segment of it, basically?

Exactly, so where it sort of sprang apart, I'm trying to take that part off near the front. Okay, great, yeah. It's a long thing, but it's like the back sixth, basically. You get in there and you start messing with the gears, just like jamming stuff into little sprockets that look like locks, kind of, and a section probably about three feet long, you like jam one more stick in there and it clicks and then falls away. Oh, and a gear falls off and I kick it across the room.

Yeah, you kick the gear across the room and a couple seconds after it hits the ground, the legs start, it's like laying on its back, but the legs start kicking. Disgusting. Uh, Tuck, so you're trying to hack at this thing? Yeah, I'm just gonna slice it in half. Uh-huh. This fucking sucks! Okay, so this five plus three is eight. Okay, so you still get to attack it, but it is gonna do another d12 of damage to you. Eight. Woof. So you do eight damage. Oh, great. Okay.

Uh, and actually, now that Billy has removed this back section, it's only gonna do a d ten. Okay. Six. Six. So the legs dig in deeper as you hack at it. Good god. And you split it right in the middle section like a bunch of machinery shatters and the piece that Ving and Maggie are holding back breaks off and drops to the ground. Gross. Yeah. Can I try to take apart some of the legs around Tuck? Yeah, totally. So it's defy danger dexterity to get up on that part. I got a five. Not great.

Okay, so you… Um, like, you start moving towards Tuck and Ving and Maggie where they're fighting half of this thing and the part that you just knocked off flips over onto its legs again. Ugh! And it's now more, like, dog-sized but it rushes at you. Oh, jeez. Yeah, and you see that, like, parts that you've broken, uh, start, like, ejecting. Oh my god. Like, it's removing broken parts of itself to make itself more mobile. Yeah, so do I have to take damage? Yeah, you do. So it's gonna…

So this is just a tiny section, so it's just gonna do a d6. Six. Fuck! They're really sharp. It tackles Billy to the ground and is, like, holding him down and a bunch of spinning gears on the front, like, cut into you. Ooh, my little fat cheeks! Oh no! I know! Cheeks! Can I fight with honor and roll to get some holds? So my superior technique? Uh, yeah, absolutely. Plus con. Thirteen. Yeah, so you get whatever billion points of Ving Chi. Okay, I'm gonna use my superior technique.

And I can deal damage to a foe within sight, so while I'm holding this thing off, I wanna be able to deal damage to the guy that jumped on Billy. Yeah. I can do that by the clog that you kicked over. I, like, flipped it up on my toes and, like, run it up. You know how, like, Aladdin runs that apple and then catches it? Oh, yeah. He does this, like, gets his clog to run up his body, and then ninja stars it into the thing that's on Billy. Do you mean clog? Clog is what I have been saying.

Clog is a type of… It's a shoe of my people. Yeah, okay. So Ving has… He's got his clogs on that he left in the tent. Okay. And he uses his wooden clog to get this, uh, metal beast stuff. You're talking about the gear, though, right? No, I'm talking about these shoes that I made. Okay, alright. Very well. So, yeah, you just have to roll your damage. You spend the hold and then deal your damage. Great. And my damage is a D10 because I'm using the elements because I'm using my wooden clogs.

No, no, no. Clogs of his people. Regular old damage. Nice try. It's a D6. It's a D6. It's a 2. 2. So, I mean, it's a small piece. So it's enough to, like, the clog… You kick your shoe up into your hand and then throw it at the… I hit it off my head. Doink! Yeah, you headbutted at the little, uh, Ottoman automaton that's on top of Billy and it is, like, knock-free.

Actually, in fact, this is a very small piece and you hit it and it flips over onto its side and it goes like, pang, pang, and ejects and it becomes two even smaller pieces. Oh, God! But so now, it's about… Each piece is about the size of, like, a microwave oven. Huh. But, uh, they're still mobile. Okay. Am I at all free? Uh, I think your arms are free now. Okay. But my legs are still wrapped. Your legs are still wrapped with, like, a lower section of it. Oh, right.

Because I was trying to get to it and I couldn't. Okay, Tuck yells to Billy. He's like, throw me one of those crystals! Um, the balls? Yeah. Call them by their name! I say, goodbye. I give it a kiss. Oh. I throw… it at Tuck. So Tuck just takes the axe and then tries to slice through it to see if, like, the shockwave of magical energy will, like, kill this thing. Ooh. EMP it. Interesting. It's like, yeah, it's like an EMP but made out of magic. Interesting.

Because it's like me cutting a lithium battery in half, basically. If you do that, those shits will blow up. Yeah, it's just, it's, it's, yeah, it's just interesting because there's zero precedent for this. You know what? Defy danger wisdom. Okay. Yes! You can do it! Because that is, because I, we're using, we're using this as a, like, is this gonna work kind of thing. Okay, here we go. I like this a lot. Son of a fucking bitch. What the fuck? Eight. Okay. Hey!

So, so that means it is gonna kinda work but there's gonna be a complication. It blows me to hell. No, it's not like that. Like, I'm not gonna let you guys basically create magic grenades. You know what I bet it is? Is, so you see the crystal arcing through the air and you swing at it. Yeah. And you do connect and it shatters cause it is kind of a stone. Yeah. And whatever it was about, like, your axe blade striking the stone, there is, like, a bit of an explosive effect. Sick. Wow.

You don't even see the force it creates. You just see the effect that it has on the creature. Which is? You see light of a similar kind of bluish color that we're used to with, like, magic light. Uh-huh. Burst through, like, a couple different spots on the body. And that segment, the parts that aren't damaged do fall to the ground and they are motionless. They, like, wind to a halt. I picture it like, it's almost, like, instantly rusting it. Yeah, totally.

So the segment around your legs falls away and there are parts of it that are trying to move but for the most part it looks like it's if not destroyed, it's slowing down. Cool. Yeah. I pull it off of my body. Yeah. And I go, fuck you. Yeah. And Maggie is trying to pull what's left of the top half off of Ving after he throws the clog. I'll use one of my holds and break free from the bonds. Just like, ah, get off of me. Yep. You're free. Billy? Has the safe open? Actually, yeah.

You see the door is just a little bit open. I'm gonna go to that and see if, like, there's something in there. Defy danger dexterity because the two really small segments are right next to you. Okay. Six. Eight. I, okay. I get away from the one I'm at and then I go and stomp out these guys. Mm-hmm. Yeah, ten. Yeah, so you're able to sweep one of them away on the seven to nine. Billy, you can still go, but one of them is, like, skittering after you. That's fine. I will try to avoid it.

Uh, how do you avoid it? I, um, I'm going to parkour off of the couch halves. Okay. Defy danger dexterity. Just back and forth. Yeah. Nice. Ten. Okay, yeah. You give it the runaround. Uh-huh. You're doing some flips and tricks off the shattered garbage and it's trying to follow you, but every piece of the couch it grabs onto, like, crumbles underneath it and its legs get stuck in the wood. Oh, yeah. So sick. Yeah.

It's also having trouble tracking you because it doesn't make sense how you could move this fast given how chubbs you are. Yeah, totally, yeah. It's like… Wait, what? Wait, why? Yeah, and the smaller segments are much less effective and advanced than the bigger segments, so it's just like, well, I can't… Where is he? Yeah. And you climb up on the mantle and the door to the safe is just cracked open a tiny bit. Yeah, I'm hoping there's something in there that I can use to fight this thing.

So you open the door. Well, you grab the edge. That's open and you try to, like, tug it open and it opens in a very complicated and overly stupid way. Okay. The door does open, but it's like, instead of just swinging, it, like, folds in on itself and then unfolds again and… I see what Perel means. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. And inside is… What's inside? What do we think? We have to decide? Yeah, what do we think? Oh, my God. The pressure is huge.

I mean, if it were up to me, it would be more swadged, but I know… That's too intense. If it were up to me, it would be a Pizzone, but that's too intense. We can't introduce Pizzones into this setting, guys. What is a Pizzone? It's half pizza, half calzone, or aka just a calzone. I don't know what you're thinking. Isn't a calzone already a pizza? Well, a calzone's already half a… It would just be half a pizza. Jessica, your mind is actively blown. I'm just upset. Yeah, what's inside?

What's inside this safe? Oh. What? I mean, this is, like, not useful for us at all, but you open it, and it's, like, a portrait of him and Aquaria and Perel. It's just, like, his most special thing. Oh, just sentimental shit. Just garbage. I mean, I do like that. Yeah, that's actually good. Like, what would he keep in this place? Yeah. So there's, like, an oil portrait. It's all cracked. It's all cracked, yeah.

There's a bunch of, like, sealed envelopes with letters in them that he's definitely read a lot. Cute. It's… The portrait has, like, you know, university vibes, like, first year, kind of, like, they're very young. I was gonna say, there's a sealed letter that he never sent. Yeah. Oh, nice. And then there's just, like, oh, you know, there's a ring and, like, a dried flower plant thing of some kind. I'll take that, too, for a thing. Yeah. And, uh, underneath you, you hear as this thing… No!

Okay, I'm gonna trap myself. I'm gonna trap myself in the safe. It's just instinct. Yeah. A hidey hole is literally the size of me, and I squeeze myself in. Okay, 2d6 plus wisdom. Billy's body takes on a rectangle shape to feed into there. No, I got three. Oh, no! That was bad. I'm gonna use a fairy child to turn… Oh, thank God. To turn a failed roll into a seven to nine.

Okay, so you close the door, and it's very complicated, even closing it from the inside, and as it's just about fully closed, you're like, wait, I'm gonna fucking lock myself in here. Oh, right. So you just, like, stick something in the gap. Like, you jam one of the letters in the gap just so the clasp doesn't close, but then the little segment starts pushing against the safe. Like, it's trying to get in, but it doesn't understand how to open the door. So you're safe in here.

It's on the other side, but you're not locked in. But you just hear, like, clang, clang, clang, clang, clang, and you see its little creepy, like, blade legs trying sticking through the crack. I'm using one of my knives. I'm holding it shut, and I'm using one of my knives trying to stab the legs out. Stabbing me? I'll stab at you. Yeah. That's what I'm saying to it. We almost stabbed you.

So, Tuck, yeah, you've got this segment kind of shattered and not destroyed on the ground, but it looked, actually, as you're watching it, now that it's been slowed down, you do see that it's still trying to eject damaged portions, but it is, like, really slowly moving its legs. I want to use an ear for magic. Okay. When you hear an enemy cast a spell, the GM will tell you the name of the spell and its effects. Take plus one forward when acting on the answers.

Can I use that to figure out how this thing works? Based on what you saw when you hit it with the crystal blow, you can make some assumptions, yeah, that each part has some sort of magical fuel in it, but that when they are all connected, they sort of network and become more effective, but when they are separated, they are much, much less effective and stupider and slower. Okay.

So you would guess that if they are separated, they are easier to destroy, and you want to get whatever is inside their machinery. Okay. So the answer is probably brute force. Alright, well, you came to the right restaurant, is what he says to the thing, because I'm serving up brute force, steamed with a side of asparagus. Lift his fingers and put them on his eyebrows. Smooth down his eyebrows. I really thought that that tagline was going somewhere better, honestly. Alright, roll it.

2d6 plus strength. It's just laying on the ground in front of you. There's another one that's attacking Ving, right? Yeah, Ving and Maggie are struggling with a large section and Pirell has started to come back into the fight. He's got a broom and he's like bopping at one of the smaller ones. He's trying to, you can see he's actually trying to turn it over onto its back. Oh, smart. Yeah. Smart guy. But I'm going to cut this one in half, see if I can get the power source. Just roll your damage.

It's not even moving. Okay, here we go. You're rolling 2d6. I said just roll your damage. Okay, well, 2d6 plus strength is 12. Are you not, can I not be heard? Is that what's going on right now? Is my mic off? He needs successes with the dice. Now I'm going to roll my damage. Eight. Great, yeah. Yes. Yep, and you just overhand swing, but now that it is here, you can choose to potentially expose yourself to damage of some kind for extra damage. Hell yeah, I'll do that. Okay.

Just like peeling it back with your fingers. Oh, right. Yeah, I get in there. I get really close. I don't try and protect myself at all because again, there's no burning tree in here. Yeah, so you can roll another d6. Okay. Six. Okay. So you smash the one in front of you to flinders and you like get in there with you like you see a piece glowing and you reach down with your hand and rip it out and something drips onto you and you realize your hand is like burning.

So you're going to mean so you're going to roll. I think there's just a d8. Okay. Five. Yeah, as your hand is just like seared by whatever weird magical fluid is in here, but that kind of damage that you did with the d8 or the d10 and the d6 like you've got much left over that you could just walk over and lay on the segment that Maggie and Ving are holding. Oh, yeah. Actually Maggie yells out Billy's in the safe tuck like just walks up and like he's grabbing a tarantula.

He just like swipes the pieces that are on the safe and crushes them and then rips the door of the safe. I brought like four knives in my hands and that's part of the damage I take is Billy swipes out. I'm sorry. It's okay. It's okay. You're the thing. It's okay. It's okay. I figured out how to kill them. You take out this goo. Your hand. Let me take that. I put it in a mason jar. Well, Ving is still no Maggie, I guess is just grappling with that remainder piece.

Well, I wouldn't squish that other one. Remember I broke free. So you're free. So Maggie is there. She's got one on the ground. Okay. And she's like just kind of stomping on any piece of it that she can get at. Nice. I come over there. Just kill it. Just do whatever you got to do. You look like you're doing fine. She like is straining every muscle in her body. Her shirt's been like ripped on the arm and she's bleeding from her cheek. Wow.

It's just amazing seeing you in action just after all these years. Damn it. Myself and all the fans have been waiting for this moment. She snatches your spear out of your hand and jams it up into the body. I got snake eyes. She jams it into the body and a bunch of liquid spurts out of where she stabbed it and splashes onto your chest. Oh, God. Roll. What was it? A D8? D8. Yeah. Four. Okay. So you take four damages. This liquid splashes onto you and burns away your shirt and abs.

Burns away his abs? Yeah. You get a little ab burn. Oh my God. And the thing is mostly destroyed as everybody just goes around and smashes the remaining parts. It kind of turns into a fun party at that point. Yeah. And Perel is just like kicking at the one that he flipped over. Oh, bad. I was going to say how Vin Nagila starts playing. Just awful. Can't believe you actually made this thing. Fucking terrible. Smash, smash, smash. And then quiet. Wait, is the danger room still open?

It's just dark. I'm going to put the toggles back on. Ving unrolls it. Okay. Clasp, clasp, clasp. Maybe that was the only thing that was in there, though. Yeah, but this is Perel. But maybe it's still not open because that was the thing that was supposed to keep people out. So I guess you can't just be silly to just have it and then be able to walk through into the rest of the place, right? I put my hand into the darkness. It just like follows where you're putting your hand.

Like the hand disappears into the blackness, but it's like not shadow. It's just black. And then you pull it out and your hand's still there. Yeah. Guys, check this out. I have no hand. Look at. Do it again. No, no, no, no, no, no. Stop. I grab the rotten gourd. I throw the rotten gourd at it. Oh, okay. And then Tuck's like, here, check this out. And then he shimmies the back of his body. So then it only has head is sticking out. It's like you're disappeared.

Maggie is laughing and Perel just has his hands on his head. Bing goes over and he's like, okay, watch this. And he goes, oh, whoa. He looks like he's tossing Tuck's head back and forth. And then Tuck's moving his head to get get out of there, please. Why? Get out of where? Oh, get out of there. Get out of there, please. We don't know what else is in there. Bing goes in and hides his head and then makes it look like his body is on Tuck's head. Does Bing pass all the way through? No. Okay.

What do you see in there? Absolutely not. Do you hear anything? When you put your head in. His head's in it. Yeah, it's total blackness. But I can hear him and I can speak. Yeah. Okay. You can. I see absolutely. It's really cool. I see cold. Does that make sense? Billy sticks his head into it. Yep. Absolute pitch darkness. Oh, wait. No, Billy, here, stick your head in and we'll pretend my head is on your body. Okay. Yeah. Oh, God, this looks good. God, I wish you just… Bryn, take a picture.

Right. Yeah, we stick our heads out like Alvin and the Chipmunks style. No. Get get out of there. Okay. Sorry. Close it, please. Okay. Toggles, toggles, toggles. Oh. And then Tuck's like, oh, no. I dropped my library card in there. It's gone. It's gone, Tuck. Your library card is gone. That thing was awful. Oh, and Billy's patting around. Oh. Also, I found this letter in the safe. Oh. And he takes it and it's sealed. And he goes, this is Morse's seal. Why would he…

I don't think I want to crack it open right now. Why? I don't know what it's going to say. And? I don't think I want to know. Do you want me to read it? No. Well, I can't read it. I can just open it for you. Bryn holds it up as Billy tries to get to it. No, get away. I found it. Yeah, but it's… I found it. It's mine. It's mine. It's mine. I was a beneficiary of Morse's willing testament. It's mine. It might be addressed to you. Oh, it is. It says it's addressed to me. Does it? It says P and A.

P and A. Who do you think P is? Pissed. Pissed. Fuck you. Pissed. Pissed. We have other stuff. Don't we have to go… We just fought this horrible fucking thing. Yeah. Oh, God. But we're like invested in your relationship with Morse. Oh, in that case, let me fucking flay myself in front of you. There's other stuff in here. It's you and Morse in Aquaria. He's pointing into the safe. Which ring is this? It's just a ring that Morse used to wear all the time. It was like a…

like a trades ring, kind of. Ew. Things slowly, things slowly. What's it on? I didn't mean to put it on that finger. I put it on my middle finger. Just… Yeah, whatever. Are we being mean to you, Perel? No, you're not being mean. I know that this is just how you guys are. I'm sorry. And then Billy empties his pockets of the, like, dried flowers. And he's like, I was gonna give these to Bing, but you can have them. Oh. Whoa. What are they? I don't know. Just a bunch of stuff I found in there.

Perel? Perel? Yeah, no. This is, uh… Like, he picks up one of the flowers. This is a, um… My God, what are they called? Marsh Dodger. This is a flower from the Riverways. Oh. This is where we… We had a really nice day there a long time ago. Morse was acting like an asshole. Acting like, oh, there's bugs everywhere. There's… My boots are getting fucking muddy. He was being a real prick about it, but… Was Morse from Pinewood? He was from the Firefields, yeah. Oh.

And I guess he picked a flower. Didn't tell anybody. Just dried it. Lame. Yeah. What a loser, right? Anyway, I'm sorry about the danger room. I just got really excited. No, that's… It's okay. I don't think anybody… I honestly didn't… I'd seen sketches of this thing before, but I didn't think that Morse ever actually made one. I'm kinda… It was kinda cool to see, I guess, but horrific at the same time. He called them century-pedes. He thought that it was…

He thought that it was like the future of armed security. Uh-oh. Yeah. A bug? That's stupid. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was. What can a bug possibly do? Tuck says, and he's shredding. Bleeding. There's like a little puddle of blood underneath him. And a big puddle of blood coming out of him. Anyway, let's just… You know what? And he walks over to one of the pieces, and he starts kicking it, and he kicks it over to the entry to the danger room. Oh, yeah.

And kicks it into the dark, and just starts kicking all the pieces through the doorway. I've gathered up some of the goo. Just throw it in there. No, I'm keeping this goo. Oh, okay. That's what I do. Sure. Do you know what this goo is? Yeah, it's like a thalamic transference fluid. Oh. Yeah. I don't know how much good it'll be now that it's out of the thing, but… You'd be surprised how often this stuff doesn't come up again. Yeah, exactly.

Like all of Ving's many, many Schrodinger's mason jars. What did he keep? What did he not? Nobody knows. Oh, man. I need a forever jar. I mean, now you've got your… Because remember, the tent functioned as a bag of holding. Right. So now you can shove all your shit in here. Yeah. Slash Airbnb. Yeah, exactly. An Airbnb bag of holding. Airbnb and B&H. Yeah, so I mean, the room is there. You could continue to investigate this pitch black magical darkness. But also, what else are we doing?

Well, I think we should kind of clean this shit up a bit and just push all this broken shit into the danger room. Also, that's a great garbage. Oh, no. Now you guys just have a garbage room. I was going to say, that's probably what it is. Yeah. I think so. This is just a forever compactor. Yeah, we also haven't really had an opportunity… Like, because there's no bathroom in here. Oh, God. Remember, we were having to shit in that bucket. And now we can just put the shit in the danger room.

Yeah, or you can… If we just stick our ding-a-lings and bum-bums out… Yeah. We can just shit into the void. Don't shit and or piss directly into an extra-thalmic space. I go get the commode and put it right in the void. I go get the commode and put it right in the void. I go get the commode and put it right next to the space. Billy is already taking a little wee-wee. Oh, God. It's like an art. Can we all take a family piss in the woods, but into the… This is great.

Well, I mean, isn't our next step go to the north? Yeah. Yeah. Now that we've finished shitting and pissing into a magical darkness. What do you mean finished? Finished. Thank you. Uh, so yeah, uh, you guys are all suddenly surprised by the appearance of a massive bird's head sticking into the tent. I heard a commotion. So you waited for about half an hour after the commotion? Well, to be honest, someone told me about the commotion after I'd arrived.

I'd gone out for my morning scout and I'd arrived late. But everything's alright. Everyone is… Ooh, you look… Oh, Tacoma. Yes. You look damaged. I am. Interesting. Come here to me. Let me see if I can aid you. Okay. And he bends down and his big, long, pointy bird tongue pokes out and he starts licking all your wounds. What's happening? Yeah, it's very ticklish. I mean, this is what I do when I'm injured. So I think that this should help. For Ving, this feels insane. Like an inspired animal?

Watching the tongue gently lash Tuck's rippling muscles. This is doing things. Is it healing? I mean, in over a period of days or weeks, it should aid in the healing process. Magical. It's kind of just drinking my blood at this point. Your blood is delectable. Thank you. But, be that as it may, what now? Do you wish to travel northward? Yes. We all just got really well rested. We're all ready to go. Back up to full HP. Excellent. Then, when you are prepared, please join me in the outside world.

And Perel actually goes, wait, wait, wait. I remember how this works. I'm going to stay in here. Ah, okay. And Maggie's like, ah, should I stay in here? I mean, up to you. Yeah, I'm going to ride a bird. And she comes out. She just starts walking outside. And Perel settles it. He grabs a book off the shelf and cozies out. I love that. All right. Tell me when we're there, I guess. You know what? Don't bother. I'm going to make a tea. Oh, man. I miss this thing so much.

The only change is Billy's not allowed to carry the fanny pack because he's the one who lost it last time. And that is a thing that Billy has imposed on himself. Yeah, I was going to say, we are like, no, we trust you. I can't do it again. I can't let you down. Again. Yeah, we're standing on the cliffside and the fanny pack's been folded up and Billy's just holding it out. Someone much more responsible and capable than me must carry it. And Tuck pushes Vink to the ground and grabs it.

And he stuffs it in his little backpack. We're really teaching him awful habits. You're putting a fanny pack in your backpack? Yeah, I'm not going to wear this thing. I'm not a fucking nerd. Puts it in tiny leather backpack. Okay, so you're standing on the cliff and Gale and Cloudpiercer stand before you, preparing to carry you towards the north and the glacial tower of Adderneck Allwater. Hey, Gale. Hi. Good to see you again. Sorry, I had a whole fish in my throat just there. How are you?

Did you have a good day? Yeah, it's a pretty good day. Nice, nice, nice, nice. Thanks for giving us a ride. We really appreciate it. Yeah, no worries. You don't have to make it weird. Look, we slept together. You what? Yeah, we slept in the same he shared a nest with me. I look at Cloudpiercer. Yeah, they slept in the same nest. It is a very vulnerable thing for a Thunderbird to do. Oh, I see. The human languages, the double entendre might be at risk here. There was no sexual contact.

You don't have to scream that. There was no sexual contact. And that echoes off the cliff. Contact, contact. Sexual, sexual. That wasn't even the last word he used. First word and then a bunch of words he did not say. It was like, Tuck did not have sexual congress with a bird. In Sheer City, everybody looks towards the mountains as the word sexual, sexual. And then like half an hour later, it reaches Old Sheer. Sexual, sexual. It cuts to Oleander at the mill as his ship is being.

Stands up and looks to the skies. I was going to say Storm and Norman Fox's head. Sexual. But also, you have to understand Thunderbird. Like, you have to be able to speak to animals. So it sounds like a bird cry, but any druid was like, the fuck was that? Savarna hears that on Hibernia. She's like, that's, I know who that is. That's about to. There's no way it's not. All right, everyone. We can agree. Now that it was not sexual. Sexual, sexual. Sexual. You gotta stop saying that word, dude.

Now, mount up and we will begin. Mount. Mount. Mount. Mount. Sexual. Mount. And we will begin our journey northward. I got on Gale's back. Settle in there, big boy. God, what are you doing? What do you mean? Just get on. I'm on. Get in there. What? Stop. You gotta stop doing that. Stop doing what? I'm a bird. I have no frame of reference for what's making you uncomfortable. I look back and I'm like, does anyone want to ride with me? Sure. I grab onto Gale's foot. Hop aboard, little boy.

Thank you. All right. Now, and she looks to Cloudpiercer who nods. Yes, we begin. And he spreads his wings and takes to the skies. Sick. Is Maggie on Cloudpiercer? Yeah, Maggie's on Cloudpiercer with Ving and then Billy and Tucker on Gale. And they take to the skies. Oof. High up. Gale is a little bit faster than Cloudpiercer, so she is pulling ahead, but you get at a comfortable clip. Billy's eyes are watering so much. Tuck's wearing glasses so that he his eyes don't water. Nice.

Billy sees Tuck wearing glasses. He's like, oh, yeah. So he puts his little binoculars on. And it works. Yeah, of course it does. His bill of flight Googles. And yeah, you're carrying on through the skies. You're above the cloud cover, so there is just like brilliant blue above you. The sun shines in the sky. You know, the clouds continue on for miles around.

Cloudpiercer says, we can fly above the cloud cover for a short period of time, but throne breakers flock may be anywhere in these skies, so we'll have to descend below the line to stay out of their sight. Okay, sounds good. But we must avoid the eyes of the human folk. Not that we are a secret, but also, you know, we kind of, freak them out. Perilous wild.

All right, so we're gonna, you know, you fly for a couple hours, the wind whipping at you, but the brilliant sun in the sky warming your skin against the ice cold air of the upper atmosphere. It gets to the point where Cloudpiercer and Gale are kind of like soaring back and forth. Like, they get very comfortable and they're just like, like dipping their wings into the clouds and pulling up streamers of condensation behind them. Cool.

They just seem to be enjoying themselves and enjoying the presence. And Ving, you feel a feeling of contentment wash over you from Cloudpiercer. It seems like he's remembering better days when you guys were together. Also, Ving is brought to a wonderful memory of him and Shia. Oh, yeah. And Tuck is thinking about how many people here might think he bucked this bird. Hey, I just want to make it super clear that we definitely did not have any sort of mating. Contact.

You gotta stop talking about this, Gale. Why? Do you not want me to clarify the situation? You're clarifying it so much that everyone's thinking about it. Oh, God, you humans. Yeah, don't worry about it, alright? It's just, it's all cool. Okay. Alright. Watch me check him out. I'm gonna put the afterburners on and she flaps really hard and jets forward for a moment. And then Tuck goes, wow! Yeah. And Cloudpiercer's just like, fucking show off. And then he flaps really hard.

Billy's sitting up there thinking about taxes. He's like, I wonder how many taxes Pearl got from me. Probably a lot of taxes. How long was Billy paying taxes for? Quite a while. You know, definitely since McCall, at least. We lived in McCall for a long time. I wonder what I could have done with all those taxes instead. And then he's like starting to get mad. He's like, you know, there I was at all. Day breakfast. And all these taxes I paid could have paid for all my all day breakfast. Pearl.

The only breakfast. That was a real slow burn on you getting mad about this. That's great. Pearl. And at this point, Cloudpiercer and Gale nod to each other and they begin their descent through the clouds. And your vision is blurred for a moment as you enter the gray cover and you are freezing. Jeez. It's so cold in these clouds. Oh gosh. And you come down and you see glittering off to your left the shore of the Sea of Graves in the distance and the mountains on the right and tundra all around.

Boreal forests, though small copses because you get this far north and even trees have trouble growing. There's a lot of dead plant life and you see like a herd of massive shaggy animals. Whoa. Pondering across the plains below you. Oh, are they rhinoceros? They are rhinoceros. Glittering horns of transparent ice on their heads just traveling in a herd across the tundra. Yeah, cool. They say their horns have magical powers. Who said it?

The people that heard about it, you know, the druids and stuff. They talk about it. Oh, okay. Should we go get them? No, no, no. Leave them be. And then you guys look over to Tuck and he's like magical powers. And he does like a hard dick gesture with his arm. Maggie puts her hand up to her ear. What? And then screams. It gets you hard. And all across the north echoing sexual, sexual, sexual ricocheting back off the mountains. How does the echoes work? This doesn't make sense.

And at this point we are going to undertake a perilous journey. So we need someone to navigate. And someone to scout ahead. Can I scout ahead? Yeah. Okay, cool. Absolutely. So it's 2d6 plus wisdom. Okay. Sweet 11. Fuck yeah. And then we need somebody to navigate. I'll navigate. Alright, 2d6 plus intelligence. 8. Perfect. So on a scout ahead on a 10 plus you choose 2 from the list below. 1. You get the drop on whatever lies ahead.

You discern a beneficial aspect of the terrain such as a shortcut shelter or tactical advantage. You make a capital D discover. Or note a sign of a capital D danger. Yeah, the first two. So I want the drop on what lies ahead and the short tactical advantage of some kind. Then Ving on a 7 to 9. The GM chooses one from the list below. You happen upon a capital D discovery missed by the scout. The going is slow or you wander off course or you encounter a danger.

Whether or not you're surprised depends on whether the scout has the drop on it. Which he does. Billy spots it long before. Anybody else does with the help of his bill noculars and as you're coming up, Billy, you see the shape resolving of two ships traveling towards the jaws. Humans humans. He's always laughing at kills. What is it? Gail? There's human boats up here and they tuck back up into the clouds a little bit to kind of stay out of sight. Just into the tip of the gray. Yeah, exactly.

And as you get closer, Maggie kind of you Ving, you feel her grip onto your shoulder and she leans forward and you hear her say in her ear. No fucking way. Who is it? Who's the boat? It's a clear water. One of them is the clear water. Oh shit. Fuck. Who stole that again? The pirates. I don't know, but I know that that one's the fucking clear water. I discern realities. Yeah, you can discern realities to the six plus wisdom six single aid. Yes. I'll aid. Yay.

I'll aid by helping you by like grabbing you and popping you out beneath the cloud beautiful to be six plus bond 11. Oh yeah. So you get a seven. So you get one question. Who's really in control here? So Billy, you see a ship kind of sailing off in the side and a little bit in front of the clear water and the boat itself is very pretty. There is a lot of like ornamentation like gold inlay and like fancy. Very pretty. Pretty fancy figurehead on the front. Fancy figure.

And everybody on the ship is wearing like very bright colors. They're wearing costumes. And there is a lot of ornate like there's a lot of fabrics and different kinds of decoration on the deck of the ship itself. It's like a party boat. Is the other one Victoria LaBlanche's boat? Is this a grad boat? Is there any like logos? Because we remember we said Victoria LaBlanche's like logo is like the Louis Vuitton. Victoria LaBlanche's merchandise has a V and an L.

It would be awesome though if her flag was like that. There's a flag flying from the top of the mast. There's the pirate flag. That looks exactly like a shirt that you saw a guy wearing in the fort. And then the other flag has the pointy letter and then another pointy letter but the one that is like this. And then Billy shoots his hand up. Billy's little finger and thumb come up through the clouds. A backwards L. Yeah. Or a seven. Yeah. It's seven but upside down. Victoria LaBlanche.

It's Victoria LaBlanche. The sexiest of all the pirates I've never betted. Oh my god. What does this mean? Who is this Victoria LaBlanche? Gail is jealous. No this is Cloud Pearson. I know. I don't care who Victoria LaBlanche is personally. I don't give a fucking shit. I don't care about her stupid boat. I can fly. Gail it sounds like you care a lot. I don't. I don't care. Oh! So what? Should we fucking destroy their ships? No. Victoria LaBlanche what's her deal?

She's like She's like one of the top pirates. Is she like a pirate that sold out? No she didn't. No it's the opposite. The captain's council in Fort Four Frost wanted her to join and she refused. She loves like doing her own thing. Yeah. She's very flashy. But she is mostly known for being a very feared pirate. Cool. A very flashy ostentatious person. Sick. Are we gonna like try to get the clear water back? Like. I fucking hope so. That's my goddamn boat.

Wait isn't this kind of a waste of time though? Cause like we're on our way to the thing that we're doing. We're gonna be in there in like an hour. Yeah. Maggie think about it. Okay. Think about this. Wicker is on that boat. Oh my god. We got. Billy jumps. Yeah we got him. Yeah Billy jumps and uh Billy jumps. Billy jumps? Yeah. Okay Billy begins plummeting through the skies. God. Tuck jumps. Oh no. Bing jumps backwards. Gale looks at Cloud Piercer and Cloud Piercer nods. Yeah.

And Gale dives right through the clouds and she is rocketing past you like a peregrine falcon. Wicker! And she spreads her wings. And catches both of you. No! What the fuck are you doing? Let me. Let me at her. We're gonna go get. We're gonna go do it but you don't have to kill yourself first. Oh. Let's make a plan. Billy you can't just jump off of a Thunderbird. I'm sorry. As he passes. Yeah Billy. Cloud Piercer rockets past you to go and catch Bing. Are we. Are we. Are we just going?

Is that what we're doing? Are we attacking these boats? Uh. We can be smarter than this a little bit. I mean. Now that you've both dived below Cloud Cover on two massive birds they've probably seen you. Cut to the deck of the ship. Yeah. Ah. Captain. There's a gigantic fucking bird. And we see the back of a head. Long blonde ringlets turn and look up. A big floppy hat with a huge feather on it. And then we cut back to the birds. Whoa. Teaser. Yeah. Stop the press. Who was that? Yeah.

What are you guys doing? What's the plan? What if we just try to like look super cool and then just ask for the boat back? Yeah. Cause like Victoria LeBlanc is like into like showmanship. True. And Cloud Piercer can perform. Yeah. So yeah. What if we like do a cool fucking thing. Put on a little show stop. And then just tell her hey give us back our fucking boat. Take it away from whoever fucking loser has it. Cause he's probably a little fucking what? Dingling. Dingling.

Took us all the way to get to dingling huh? Yeah this is a plan. So let's just. Is this a dumb plan? Cause this is literally just the first thing I thought of. I think it's the greatest plan. No dumb plans are our best plans. I mean I think trying to get her attention first is a good. That's a good move. Don't have to think too much beyond that right now. Yeah. We just want to fucking look cool as shit. I could light myself on fire. Oh yeah that's cool. That's pretty sick. Cool.

You know what I'll come back as like a phoenix cause I'll elementally build myself up in the fire and fly through the sky a little bit. I love that yeah. Okay. And I have this and he pulls out a music bottle and he uncorks it and it's sabotage. Oh. Terrible. We can't escape this song. Why would you want to? It's a great point. Okay then someone's gonna have to roll something and describe to me what you're doing. Yeah. Well they're all down there on the ship.

Why don't I try and I have stormed a quiet and set the stage. Oh. So they're like ship and there's creaking and there's waves and they're like and they're like but if we like. Build basically like a sound studio around them and quiet like surround them in grey mist. Yeah. Make it quiet and set the parameters of our stage. I like that and we can actually use the thunderbirds to pull a storm-ish kind of thing in to like make them feel like isolated like it's like an immersive experience.

We could do like a real three amigos style thing where we're like fighting off the thunderbirds cause they've already seen the thunderbirds. What if we come in as the heroes and like get out of here damn thunderbirds. That's a good idea. That's a pretty good idea. Yeah. So how are you doing it? I'm just to start I'll set the stage. So I think that's 2d6 plus what? Con. Con. 8. So on a 7 to 9 with Eye of the Storm. It affects only what I touch as long as you are touching it. Yeah.

So what would that, how would that limit you? I'd have to land on a boat. Oh yeah. Okay. I don't want to land on a on fire and sink their boat. No but you could like fly in as a phoenix and then land and rise from the ashes. And then rise from the ashes and then do the Paul Bettany from A Knight's Tale thing. Right. Where you are on the boat and then all of a sudden like the wind dies down and you go. My lords. Yeah. My ladies. Are you not entertained? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Great.

What else are we going to do? I think Billy, Tuck and Maggie are going to pretend to fight the thunderbirds. Yeah. Yeah. Great. Or we'll ride one of the thunderbirds and pretend to fight the other one. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So you're explaining this to Gail and Cloudpiercer. Yeah. We'll ride on Gail. That's easier. And then Cloudpiercer's like super stoked to act. Yeah. Like a bad one. You act like one of the bad thunderbirds. Me? Yeah. The villain. Alright. I love it.

And then get like lightning. Pull the storm around their ships. So they feel scared and get lightning to strike nearby. And Gail you're going to buff your wings like this and make a big wind gust. And then you guys like fight with lightning. You'll be on your backs doing stuff. Can you guys do that thing where you lock your talons and you spin in the air? We can try. We can try. As long as no one will get hurt. Well I can't promise that thing. I am a powerful creature. Gail laughs.

And Gail's like and I'm horny as fuck. I'm a bird. I can't be horny. It's not possible. Thirsty yes, horny no. All I want is crackers. And you know what? I'm going to be totally honest. This is the most thought we've ever put into anything in the entire podcast. It's kind of baffling. Like I don't know what to do because you're all thinking about it so much. We'll take it from here. Should I? Oh. Yep. Should I use like willow the wisps to add lights and effects? Yes. 100%.

Because you can create convincing illusions. We're mysterio-ing. Oh so you don't even have to create the storm. Billy can just make an illusory storm around you. No but to make it feel real. To add real danger so the bike bolts might sink. No but like okay because I can use willow the wisps. To create magical like minor magical light effects and then I can also create a convincing illusion with fairy child to make it like I don't know more dramatic more intense. Yeah.

So maybe we'll make the lightning with the convincing illusions and then we'll use the willow the wisps to make like. I'll pretend like light weapons. Right. And we can also use it to create mood lighting on the ships. Yeah. Yeah. Alright. I like it. Okay. So Vanguid first roll elemental form. Tuck's like and I can use this bottle of music I have. Right. Yeah. I thought Tuck was pretending to fight. Yeah I am. Yeah. But also I have war cry.

So when I enter a battle with a show of force a shout a rallying cry or a battle dance roll plus charisma on a 10 plus take plus one forward against. That's great. And our enemies feel fear and act accordingly which is what we want. Which is Victoria the Blanche. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay. These are a lot of great ideas and you guys are refusing to roll dice when I tell you. Like we said we're planning this for the first time. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So Vanguid. Wait now hold on. Okay.

So Vanguid has to shape shift because he needs to land on the deck to start the whole charade. We just made it too complicated I'm realizing because there's no shit. There's a series of dependencies now that all the roles are working. You guys specifically were like these are the moves that we have to use. Yes. And all of the failures that are about to happen. So Vanguid is going to take an elemental form of a phoenix. Yeah. Great. Perfect. I've got 12. Great start. So that's three hold.

You sheath yourself mostly in moonlight as was established. It's so fierce. It's like white hot welding light. It's like tig welding white. Yeah. Exactly. So you're a brilliant white bird. A falling star. As if a star falls towards us. See the pirate's voice. Yeah. A star falls towards us. And with the dampening. The dampening and the quiet. Yeah. And the clouds moving in. The white light. Boom. On the thing. The superhero landing. Skids along the deck. Comes to a stop.

Moonlight flaking off of him. Burst into wild flames. First. Like blue hot. And a bunch of swords are out and pointed at you. Boom. Down to the ground. An ashen lump of a man falling. Flames darted. Flames out. Uh-huh. Rise slowly. Clustered with like little clumps of ash naked from this pile. Nice. Now stand fast whoever you are. You have came upon the deck of Victoria La Blanche. Hello? Oh, dude. Where am I? You are upon the white net.

The vessel of the most feared pirate in all of the Sea of Graves. Victoria La Blanche. And she steps forward. She's got, uh, what is she wearing? She's got long curly blonde hair. A big… Lace up heels. Or heel boots. Oh, yeah. Lace up heels. To her thighs. Yeah, all the way up. And underneath that is just like leather breeches. So it's leather from toe to waist. And she's wearing a silk sarong over that so it flows in the wind. Yep, totally. Then what's her shirt situation?

I'm imagining a billowy white shirt like a pirate. Oh, but it's like silk and it's like really low cut. Yeah. Super hot. Yeah. With the crisscrosses, laces. Yeah. Off her shoulders, yep. A cape of some kind perhaps or no cape? Maybe a shoulder cape? Yeah, the straps are attached to a shoulder cape. Cool. They're also silk and they fly in the wind. Oh, I like it a lot. And then, uh, long blonde hair in curls. A maroon hat that like flops down on one side and up on the other side.

Giant ostrich feather. What's like face situation? What's like makeup? Does she have an eye patch? Beauty mark. Oh, she's got like stars painted all down her face. Oh, cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then at her hip she has like a jeweled rapier. I knew Abdul was waiting for something. You beat me. You're on the wet net. The vessel of the most feared privateer in all of the Sea of Graves. Victoria La Blanche. What realm have I landed in? This realm?

I do not know its name, but I know that it is my home and it will be sword out. Your grave, if you do not speak fast, visitor. I come with a great warning and a kind of like a watch this vibe. I'm not gonna lie, the things that Ving are saying leads me, Sean O'Hara, to believe he may have already forgot the plan. Do you remember the plan? Yeah, that they're gonna, where I'm here to to be like, you are in great danger. You know not how close to death you are. Hold fast in these waters.

Let the seas calm around you. I have still the winds upon your sails for heroes approach. For heroes approach. He looks up, he hears Tuck. For heroes approach. Heroes approach. Thunder. And then a crack of lightning. And Billy's up there like doing his thing. I just imagine him like He's like pew pew and then he winds up his hand and he throws out one of his will-o'-the-wisp balls. Nice. Yeah. It hits a cloud piercer. It makes a shadow in the clouds. Of a giant beak. This huge like Oh!

From the ships. Everybody on the deck ducks and goes Except for LeBlanc. She doesn't move an inch. Ving snuffs out all their flights, all their braziers and candles. Swords clatter to the wood. And then we feel like an eerie glow from like some of the mood lighting that Billy's getting. Tuck on the top, in the clouds, on the bird is getting scared. Billy sends down a fake lightning down to the- just near the boat to spook him. Oh yeah. Yeah. So loud. And cloud piercer dives out of the clouds.

And everybody that can understand cloud piercer hears him go, HARK! For now comes your doom! And Ving's like, HARK! For now comes your doom! HARK HARK! And he gets really low to the water and the water's like shooting up around him from the force of his air. Yes! From his wind. Yeah. And he passes right by the boats and they all tip on their sides almost. The force of his passing.

And he swoops around and everybody dives out of the way and comes wheeling around just on the inside edge of the storm bubble that you've created. Going, I am death on the wind. I am destruction incarnate. And then Gale comes out of the other side and goes, Nuh-uh. Wait, no, I got to do a voice. Nuh-uh. And Tuck and Billy are on the back of Gale. Yeah. And Billy, Tuck is doing a crazy war cry with this song in the background. With a huge ball of light surrounding his axe. Yep.

And throwing lightning all over the place. It looks like it's charging a crazy amount of electrical energy. And I'm about to do my fucking war cry. That's 13. Okay, yeah. And I go, as the song goes, I go, And I shoot this fake lightning at Cloudpiercer. Which. Hits him straight on and he flips in the air and starts falling through the sky. He plucks feathers out of his chest. Yeah, with his own talons. Yeah. Pulling his feathers out as they flow through.

And he goes, I have been struck by death blow. I must retreat from the force of these mighty heroes. And he flips onto his side and recedes, dives back into the clouds. And I touch my hand on my chest, have my eyes closed, and I'm like, he is slain. And then Bing starts clapping. I'm very encouraged to clapping. I don't realize I'm still making. And Gale comes down and flaps above all the ships and lands on the front of Victoria's ship and it like tips in the water. Sick. Yeah.

Stay back, everyone. Look out, everybody. I'm dangerous. Don't get too close. She just tips forward and we tumble off. Yeah. Flips you up. And Maggie lands on the deck with you. Yeah. Maggie is… Stonily quiet. Oh, right. Because it's her ship. And Victoria LeBlanc stands before you. Your grace, it is I, one of your saviors. Billy's really nervous, so he's doing his extra mayor voice. Yeah, totally. Ah, an incredible display that was of heroics and martial prowess. Bows. Then… So hot.

I wish she didn't bow down like that. Excuse me, madam, for our hero here. He needs respite. What is your name, little bear? My name is Fat… Fat William. I am Victoria LeBlanc. She holds out her hand with, like… It's glittering with rings. Billy, uh… Takes one? Yeah, takes one. Are these for everybody? Thank you. She smiles. And you? She holds her hand out to Ving. I am the Spirit Walker, the fallen star on ships afar. Ah, Spirit Walker. I've heard your name.

On the lips of many around the world. And you? Large water… Warrior? Hi. She holds out her hand. Will you marry me? She smiles. She's the ringer from W.A.S.T. Yeah, the ring that Billy stole. Yeah, he takes it from me. And he slips it back on. She smiles and takes her hand out of your hand and kind of runs her hand down your cheek and says, Y'all, this is not the first pre-peso. I have received. And not the last. I will refuse. Okay. Victoria LeBlanc, a pleasure to meet you. Brutal. Okay.

And she moves to Maggie and says, Who is next for me to meet? And Maggie is standing there stonily silent. And you all kind of know what's about to happen before it happens. Her hand clenches. Her arm is like shaking. She wheels back and punches Victoria right in the chin. Oh, shit. She takes it. And there's silence.

And Victoria, one hand resting on the pommel of her sword, dabs away a little bit of blood at the corner of her mouth with her thumb and says, Maggie, girl, it has been quite some time. And that's where we're going to end it for this week. Whoa. I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara. Joining me as always, playing Tacoma Dome to a barbarian, Abdul Aziz. So long, everybody. Playing Ving, the half-elf druid, Paul Oppers. Take care. I'm playing Fat Billy, the halfling thief, Jessica Tai. Bye, everyone.

Thank you to Aaron Reid for our intro and outro music. You can find all of Aaron Reid's personal music at aaronreid.bandcamp.com and all of the spelt lore music produced on the show by Aaron at soundcloud.com. Thank you to all of our amazing Patreon supporters around the world. You can support the show at patreon.com slash spelt lore or spelt lore.com slash money please to get access to a whole bonus campaign, bonus content, audio stuff, world building, writing, merch.

We actually just started a new merch partnership for our $25 and up patrons with Fantasy by Numbers. So every quarter you get incredible custom-made merchandise from the fine, fine folks at Fantasy by Numbers. And we also just opened a section in their shop that is just spelt lore designs. Yes. Designed by Jessica. Yep. And we're working on a, uh, wooden pins, uh, bookmarks, bookmarks, advent calendars, advent calendars right now for Christmas. It's amazing. Yeah.

Uh, so yeah, check that out at fantasy by numbers.com or spelt lore.com slash merch. And, uh, thank you to all of you for listening. We'll see you next time. And so ends the tale of adventures three who tried the best they can though dumb and scared and lost they be for times of pain and pain. For times of pain and pain. For times of pain and pain. There's a quest At least, about a Thank you.