Season Eleven: The Everwood

Hi everyone, it's Fat Billie here. Thanks for coming. Listen to our podcast. If you want more podcasts, you can go patreon.com slash Spote Lore, where you can give us some money. And I like money so I can buy snacks. You know them by name, you know them by deed. Their quests are famously daring. So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing. Tuck is the brute, your nose got us home, you lust, you sing and find.

Fingers have healthy, shifts his shape and wields his skin with great mind. Billie's a thief, his tiny size, does mask the largest heart. Best in rest, they may not be but their friendship outweighs their smarts. So gather our friends and listen close for the tales about this new world. Hello everybody and welcome to Spout Lore. I'm your game master, Shano Herra. Joining me is always playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian of Dual Disease. Hello everybody.

Playing Ving the Half-Elf Druid, Paul Hoppers. Hello everybody. And playing Fat Billie the Halfling Thief, Just Get's Eye. Hello everyone. When last we left our heroes in the glade of Heartwood City. Everyone was waiting for me to do something fucked up by the way. I was waiting for you to put on sunglasses. I thought that's what you're hoping to do. I looked over and I thought there was going to be a cop puppet.

Oh god, I wish I had prepared enough but no I only thought about what we would need for the video production. Yeah. What about all the props you always have laying around? There's one. A team frame of this. For the listeners, we're recording the sessions for the first time in an attempt to create social content because it is a social media world and we have ignored that for seven years. And the fact that we're recording the episodes now means or that we're physically visually recording. Filming.

Filming. Jesus Christ. This is why that YouTube studio fired us. No, that YouTube studio fired us because a billionaire was philandering with its employees and he couldn't financially keep us on board. When last we left our heroes in the glade of Heartwood City beneath the corrupted knowledge tree at the heart of the very forest. And some might say the planet itself tuck faced off with the gibbous man. A tense conversation passed back and forth.

The kernel of which it felt to me was the gibbous man saying, do you even know what you are? And tuck responded by attempting to crush the gibbous man's windpipe. I tried to bum rush him. I tried to bum rush a god and it didn't work. He just gave me my ex girlfriend scarf as a taunt. Exactly tuck grabbed onto the gibbous man and was unable to make purchase but instead came away with a silk red scarf that he lost many moons ago. Well, I guess in terms of time it's only been like one moon.

But you know, it's been a year and a half in real time. Beneath the knowledge tree, Billy and Elman were attempting to plant Ollie the cutting of the original knowledge tree in the earth choosing a blood soaked patch of soil that would provide the nourishment required for this new cutting. They began the process of raising a new tree to replace the old one. Oh, Ving was there too. Ving came down to help. I couldn't remember if Ving was still upstairs. You heard it here, first.

Yeah, how they have both. I could I forgot that the fight that Ving was a part of was already over. Yeah. And Ving was down here. So using some Hibernian water, Billy and Ving created a channel between the old tree and the new to attempt to guide the knowledge from the old tree into the new one to begin its life cycle.

And because of the deep iconic corruption, Ollie began feeling the force of the demon of greed that lurked within quick thinking using some sunstone torches to keep the iconic influence at bay. And some fairy trickery. They began the like the true process of training the old tree and raising the new one the only way they could think of to to end this iconic influence up above on the surface. Tuck saw a new threat coming over the walls. Impz. Hoards of impz. Yeah, pretty gross.

We haven't seen them in a while. Haven't seen them in a while. Got bad reviews from Jessica. Hero out of five stars would not would not recommend would not recommend these and. And also they started their process of bringing tuck to five hit points. Yeah, by absolutely just mobbing him tuck playing the hero defending the hole into the earth where his family resided. Yeah, tech's great at blocking a hole. I was that's a biggest hole. So huge. Huge hole block. I brought you to be a wing man.

You're just blocking my hole. The fight upstairs reflected the fight downstairs as both groups fought tooth and nail to attempt to complete their goal. The growing of the tree was going OK. While tuck was being lacerated, mobbed piled on by impz over and over again, Billy and Ving thought that maybe the best way to complete this process was to enter the fairy to stop the corruption to stop the corruption and speak to the spirit of the tree itself without the influence of the demon of greed.

So Billy, using shadow dance and midnight waltz brought the thing into the fairy itself.

And we got a little bit of insight into not just like the world of the spirits and the fairies, but the history and culture of the spirits and the fairies learning about a period of time where the fairy itself was accosted, invaded by creatures of ill intent maliciousness and also about a story concerning spider and hummingbird, two of the primordial gods of the realms in which we learned that spider, aka we believe potentially another name for the gibbous man's oldest form, was responsible inadvertently, it sounds for the death of another god from whom the world grew.

And also, eyes that walked like men, according to the spirit of the knowledge tree. That's very cool. What that means, we're not sure, but we know that the story itself was enough to scare Billy into silence. Ving and Billy convinced the tree that the best way to move forward was to remove itself from the tree in the material plane and wander a while to learn about the world while Ving safeguarded its knowledge in preparation for the new tree.

We came back to the material plane with a knowledge tree seed. Billy, quick thinking as he saw that it needed a place to root, apologize to Ving and place the seed in Ving's crystal cavern in his chest, which closed over, and then runes began to sprout from Ving's body. So now his skin is covered in scars that reflect the runes of the knowledge tree. That was also sick. You guys are doing some sick shit. It's a mess. Last episode. Talk about sick shit. Talk about messing up all them imps.

Mission imps possible. It was amazing. If you haven't listened to that episode, first of all, what the fuck are you doing? Listen, this episode. Start. Spoilers. Start at season 11. That's the best place to start this show. We just started telling people. Back in the material plane, Elman stayed below and attempted to continue ushering Ollie into his new form as Billy and Ving went to the surface. I do remember Ving leaping through the hole like a majestic martial arts hero. Yeah.

And Billy kind of climbed up and falling down a few times. Right. I'll back down. I could have, could have, Nate, I should have helped you. Now I gotta learn to do things myself. Yeah, this is Ving's way. Okay. So at this point, Tuck has been taking a fucking beating. Oh, yeah. But he's been given as good as he was getting. I was giving like 20 damage per attack. It was pretty unreal. Someone said that you may be forgot how many hip points the imps had. Oh, no, I had a number. Okay.

Oh, I had a big number. Yeah. We knew. We were looking at an unending horde of imps. And I knew how much damage Tuck was capable of. So I was like, I'm not just giving it to him. And at the top of the hole, the rest of the party emerged. And a true battle began. Yeah. Tuck took three to abilities and lost more than four fifths of his hip points. Yeah. Yep. And Billy and Ving arrive to deal some damage of their own. And as did Nash, Ranger of Daniel's Talon. Oh, yeah. A little cruddy kid. Yeah.

Tightening his bandana and entering the fight and getting backhanded into the dirt before doing some pretty cool karate. Yeah. Morris and Parell using their various magics to deal damage against their foes. The fight ended as Ving immolated himself and dove through the final massive imp with Larry Terry and Chad as the creature tottered, perhaps finding a second wind with which to deal a mortal blow to our friend Tacoma Dome.

A spear sailed through the air, the unbreakable spear, felling the beast and turning, we saw Dothaniel, the Ranger King, so cool at the top of the hole. He said to his long lost son, what took you so long before falling to his knees. And that is where we find our heroes now, or is it? Where do we find the heroes at this point? I think this could be a mid-recovery time before we set out on Gesh removal. Yes. I like that a lot. I'm applying many wet bandages to Tux body, picking its helping. Yeah.

They're just wet. They don't have any medicinal stuff on them. Well, so I have bowls of chicken soup that I'm dipping with bandages in because I know chicken soup is very healing. Billy is doing this without things permission. That is for sure. Tux has passed out. You can't wait. I can't wait. Okay. On his way to sepsis. So the big thing that we need to establish, we kind of talked about it off, Mike. We're doing a bit of a time jump. A little bit, yeah. Yeah. So what are we looking at?

Three days, one day, five days. I feel like a week. Enough time to get us somewhere safe. A week? Yeah. I think a week feels good. Week 10 days. Okay. So, okay. I love it. Let's do six to nine days. Six to nine days. Nice. 420 hours after the initial finale fight. So we can assume as listeners, as fans of the story, you escape from Heartwood City. You're probably not sticking around. No. You're leaving. No, hell no. You've completed your goal. All you needed to do was replace the tree. Yeah.

Whatever is going to happen in Heartwood is going to happen. We destroyed elven christiality. And this is where my true plan of this podcast comes to fruition. to destroy the Christian religion. Oh no! Christ! Christ! Are you… Allah! You… Allah! You… You… Welcome to Islam, everybody! Asa Allah, I'm not like a motherfuckers! If you have been listening this long, you are automatically inducted into the realms of Islam, SSN. What just happened? Did you just all become Muslims?

Did you just… I'm trying to… I just couldn't put a hip strap up! Yeah! Oh no! Oh no! Um… Okay. Anyway. So, I like this. A week has passed, and we're still recovering. I think that speaks to the nature of the battle, because there were probably a few days that were like, we gotta get out of here. Yeah. If we could see like a montage, I imagine you tried to do the Billy sneaks around with the Fanny Pack thing for a while. Oh yeah, for sure. Like, we got tucked away in there for a bit.

Yeah, he's like all of her twisting through the alleys of Heartwood City. And there's blood dripping from the pack. Oh! Oh! Holy like a meat bag! Like, oh, just coming home from the butcher shop! Don't worry about this! I like also the idea that you maybe just also got distracted by a bunch of buns for a couple of days. I did buy buns! Yeah. That's a good crust. Yeah. So I bought buns, and then I camped outside the bakery to wait for the fresh buns. Like it was in the iPhone?

Yeah, I was like, what? I'm having like afternoon buns. Morning buns are gonna be something else. And we're trapped in the fairy pack. Yeah, the bag is like kicking, like Billy. Listen to what? The thing's doing CPR on Tug right now. We're just trying to keep him alive. And we're like, I'm a bad fresh buns. Oh. Okay, so I guess, I mean, I imagine you're all in the Fanny Pack. Yeah. At this point in time, but my question is where is the Fanny Pack? With Billy. Oh, no, I think we're set up now.

I think that was part of it. I think that one point you probably, you know, you strap it around Victor's neck. I see. Oh, and he runs for a bit. Yeah. Yeah. Like a French Canadian dog. Exactly. You're like that. And now you are in a relatively safe place. And I think we would know, like, because Dethanial is still like the Ranger King. He probably knows like, go here to be safe. Oh, what? Oh, I was just going to say he's like, go find the wicks because they're, they're such like shittings.

Right. Because they reject elven like royalty and culture and stuff. Cool. That's a safe house. Do they have like a ranch? Like, yeah. Like preppers kind of. Kind of. Yeah. I like that. Cool. Okay. So there's a wick or like maybe a couple. Like, I think I like the idea that there is a member of the wick family who's fully off the grid. Walter wick. Walter wick. Wick. No. Sean wick. You're, you're, you're, we're approaching the origin of the name chithen. Oh, yeah. So Walter wick. Walt wick.

Walt wick. Oh, yeah. Like Walt Whitman. Yeah. Leaves of grass. Yeah. Okay. So I think what, what we're going to do then is that if we are a camera, we see the fanny pack unfolded into the tent sitting in like a kind of cleared field in a copes in the woods in the distance. There's a log cabin of a very like sturdy, almost unelvin construction. Mm hmm. There are animals. The burn behind the cabin. It looks like a natural burn. Yeah. Trees like small trees growing out of it. It looks like a lump.

Yeah. Maybe shouldn't be there. Exactly. You're like, what's that? What's that thing doing back there? Little mound. Yeah. Okay. Cool. Cool. There are some animals grazing in this clearing. What kind of animals are there? It's an alpaca. It's a bunch of alpacas. There's like four or five alpacas. Oh, yeah. This is all strange and with the peacocks here. Yeah. You're like, what are these things doing in the woods? There's some silver messenger doves. Oh, messenger pigeons. Yeah.

I like that a lot. Yeah. They're like in the branches of the trees on the edge of the clearing. That flying squirrel is just like crossing over top of the flying squirrels all over the place. Remember Clarence? Yeah. Yeah. The rest of the flying squirrels. Oh, yeah. You never activated them. Yeah. We probably did that in the time. Oh, yeah. We see a montage of Billy going to the stable and going, get out of here. Yeah, that's true.

Or maybe they free themselves because of that one guy we empowered to free everybody else. Oh, the warthog. Right. Like all the other animals freed the animals. Warthog. There was a jumanju seed as all the animals went through the city. Yeah. Oh, yeah. In the animal scene. That's when the flying squirrels took advantage of the chaos. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's so fun. Yeah. So, Hartwood was in pandemonium for a while. Yeah. There's scenes with like a donkey riding the back of a giant flying squirrel.

Whoa. That. John Valgien, the donkey. Yeah. It was Derek the donkey. Yeah, Derek the donkey. I love that this is such a full examination of the fact that these characters never deal with the consequences of their actions because you just left Hartwood and who knows what happened. That's their problem now. I like it a lot. That's their fucking problem. Deal with it.

I also imagine Billy at a certain point like when in the days that we were trapped in the fairy pack and like snuck into Finn's room. I was gonna say some Finn wrap up. Yeah. I was like Billy was trying to wrap everything up. So he freed the tree gliders. He got the buns he wanted. I made a convincing illusion that Finn's mom was dead. So mommy mommy. So Billy spent three days in Hartwood ignoring what Vang and Tuck told him to do. First day was bun related. First day was bun.

Second day was also bun for half the day. Stock up. I wanted to bun bun fun day. Yeah. And then he had a solo picnic for a few hours with the buns. I think he goes with a fun sandwich because it's bun fun and then another bun. And then he went to, oh my god, what's this? Finn's stupid house. And he cut a bunch of holes in Finn's clothes. This is the most like traditionally fairy like Billy's ever been. Is it like a folklore fairy just terrorizing a kid in his house?

He also traded a bun to a fairy to haunt the Finn's room for a while. Oh nice. I like that that fairy lives in a dead fish. So it's awesome and it smells bad. It smells like shit. One day we'll do like a little adventure that's just Billy's three days in Hartwood city. Yeah, that's great. And then Billy got found out by one of the house maids and got chewed away with a broom. So then that's when he took off into the woods. Yeah. Switched with Victor. Yep. And then Victor took off.

Yeah, because Billy ran a few blocks and he's like, I don't want to run anymore. I'm so tired. I'm so tired. That's a few blocks. He just stopped. I guess I live in Hartwood now. Yeah. This is as far as I'll ever be. I imagine you opening the bag like we pick and we're like, Billy, what happened? And you're like, I ran too long. I would like a half a block away from Finn's house. I can see. Okay. Wait, where are you guys? I had to run. We've got to encourage more exercise. Somehow.

He's such an unhealthy little kid. Oh my God. Okay. So that is where we see the fanny pack. And inside, this is where we find Billy applying chicken soup bandages, Morrison Porel going about their domestic lives. They're working on something, by the way. It seems like Morrison Porel are working on a project that they are keeping to themselves. Yeah, they work on it really hard at night. Yeah. Mostly working on it without any clothes on.

I'm surprised that their bed frame can handle how much they're working on this project. So weird. Billy's giving them a lot of privacy. So like you've been with Dethanio. Dethanio has been here for a week. But he's also as sick as ever. So he's in full recovery as well. I think he's walking like with a cane. Basically, like he is fucked up. I was going to say, but he's been like in like council kind of with Walt Wick. Oh, he's been like in the house. Totally. He's cousin based on it. Yeah.

Because Walt will obviously like to host us. He's got to know what's going on. Yeah. Yeah. Walt is kind of a safe person to talk to because he's just like not, what do you call it? He has no allegiances. Yes. Yeah. I imagine that I imagine Walt kind of like Bill from The Last of Us. Yeah. Like he mostly he's like whatever is best for the woods. Yeah. But he's also like, leave me alone. You come on my land. I will take you down. Yeah. Stay away. Why we're not allowed to camp in the house.

He's like, you can stay over there. You can stay with the alpacas. Yeah. But do not touch the alpacas. He looks so soft. And in the same way, sorry, as a prepper, he's very good at like the medical side of stuff. He's very self-sufficient and he has all the things. So he's been taking care of Nathaniel nursing him back to health as well. Totally. And like figuring out what Pirel did to him to keep him alive. Uh-huh. Yeah.

Because like, yeah, I realized I thought I didn't mention it, but I did kind of mention it. He did. So he used pieces of his functional organs to repair his heart. Right. So he basically tran, like transmuted different parts of his body. His heart doesn't work like a normal heart anymore. Yeah. Oh, and to answer your question, how he looks. He looks like a previously very athletic person who has been in atrophy for a long time. So he's pretty, he's pretty lean.

Paul very proudly pointed at himself. I got really fat when I broke my leg. This guy's atrophy to fuck right now. Fucking atrophy to shit. So I think you can see like the suggestion of a great physicality, but just in massive decline. So he's looks like he's cold all the time. He's pretty gaunt. Long beard, big beard. Yeah. His beard's pretty long. His hair is probably very long as well. Yes. And it's great. Mostly. Or just silver white. Kind of thing. Oh yeah. Yeah.

Because he was black-haired for his entire life. He was, he's pretty, he's kind of iron gray actually. Okay. But, but I mean, but that is the gibbous, that was the gibbous man's disguise. I know this. And then the stress of being connected to that tree and the disconnect to that. Like I think that he is getting really silvery. I like that. Yeah. Totally. I also imagine there were like a couple of times when he like overexerted himself and just passed out.

Because like the blood pressure, like his ability to maintain his own blood pressure is like fuck. Yeah. Like a proud old man. Anytime that he has had a problem since you've been hanging out with him and you've tried to help him, he's gotten very angry. He seems very frustrated with the fact that he has almost no control over his body. And that's sort of been, you were hoping in a way, Ving that there would be like this reconnection. But it seems like it's been very difficult.

I think Ving would be anticipating that, but hoping that maybe it wasn't that way. So maybe he's a little disappointed in the fact that he's not surprised. Right. So it's something I was thinking about was it sounds like by coming to Walt's place, or sort of, or at least Dethanil is probably like, we should, we got to tell the wicks what's going on because they'll be the ones that are most likely to be prepared to move on the court. Yeah.

Whether or not you want to be involved in that is up to you. Yeah. I mean, I don't. I also don't. Yeah. I, again, I like the idea that you're like, Hey, great forest. Here is the thing that you need to be dealing with. Yeah. We're going to go. I think that's more of a vibe. What do you think? Yeah. I would think so. Between Ving now being like having it written on his body, but also he's never cared about the court of the woods. That's for sure. Yeah.

Like he'd be really inclined to leave talking about being written on your skin is a good point to introduce the fact that Ving is now a new playbook. Yeah. And that playbook is the Vox Silvi. Oh, so fucking cool every time I hear it. Yeah, pretty cool. Voice of the forest. Yeah. We don't have to go into the specific moves until we use them. Okay. What's the basic overview of the Vox Silvi? That he's basically a living tree of wisdom.

He embodies all of the druidic knowledge and all of the wisdom of nature. The core moves that we'll go over when they come up are like your ability to tap into all of the collected druidic knowledge of the land and of like hit the history of your people. Mm hmm. And also your ability to lend voice to the spirits. Yeah. And to help them speak to other people, you can give them bodies to walk around. Yeah. I'm allowing the spirits, not just walking with me, but allowing them to walk on their own.

Yeah. You almost like manifest around me the influence of Ving now with bringing forth the spirits representations into the world. That's so cool. I didn't think about that until just now. Yeah. And it kind of makes sense too with the fact that the walls between the worlds are like starting to fall apart. Yeah. You're able to like usher entities from the spiritual plane directly into like our world. That's an advanced move. I like that a lot.

And I also think that every time that fairy that Billy, the little fairy Billy has taken a walk through like every time we've done that has just made that. Oh, you feel easier for you. It's easier. It's just like I'm walking more in that world at all times. Yeah. And I guess you would like you would be able to learn kind of like how to do that. Mm hmm. Like sometimes when he's really feeling like in the moment, you know, and I've met her in a meditative state or a picture.

I just pictured him walking through the forest and like a young willow tree bends down in the shape of a wall like a deer and it kind of follows and then fades again as he's passing. Like things are just spiritually, druidically manifesting around him. Yeah, I like that a lot. That's very cool. That's very ku-zaki totally. Yeah. Like if like Princess Mona now stepping and like, yeah. It's very true. Yeah, totally. Yeah. Very totery. Oh no, you set me up. I said my is so fun.

I do imagine there's like a night where you kind of like went for a walk like it was foggy and like in the fog like all of like impressions of every spirit that was coming to like talk to you. Yeah. The mist is soothing. The scars on your skin. Yeah. You're feeling like the blending of your form with the forest around you. I really like this. Hell yeah. And in the mist there, the suggestions of animals as they attempt to break through, follow your guidance into the material world.

That's a cool idea where it's like, Ving is like, is it door so he can like keep them back or usher them through. Yeah. This is a great way of thinking about it. And he's done this in the past with the snake spirits, gave them, he empowered them to pass through into the material. I bear. I bet. Oh my God. Maybe that was like the snake thing was like a thing to come. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. The snakes are a very strong open. Mm hmm. Pretty cool.

And mentioning Billy's fairy ness and the passing through of places helping Ving sort of soften this transition into this new state is a perfect opportunity to have the camera pan over to Billy as he's padding chicken soup soaked bandages on the tuck and talk about Billy's new class, which is the changeling. Yeah. Thank you, polar for that idea. Yes. That was polar's idea. Pretty sick. Whoa. Nice. I was already leaning towards that, but he suggested it. I was like, yeah, absolutely.

Yeah, very cool. So what is the, what are the overarching ideas of the changeling? I guess like the freeze on Billy is over. Like he's moving into like the changing of the seasons that like fairies naturally go through. Mm hmm. Yeah. Is it like a thing you're in control of? No longer. Okay. Like, and I think it's going to be a slow process, which is kind of why like he has some control over it, but not a lot. Okay.

He's going to look the same except like I was saying earlier, like if he's in his winter form, he's just going to look a little frosty and stuff like that. Yeah, just frost where there wasn't frost before. Look like a little malfoid. No. Tips. Tips. Frosted tips. Yeah. Frosted tips.

So the idea of the changeling, I think as, as Jessica and I talked about it is that Billy's been trapped in his spring form for so long that now that this change is possible, he's kind of rapidly passing through each of them in a more unstable manner than is natural for a fairy. Basically, like you said, Billy has a degree of control over it, but the main control he has is whether or not he wants a change to happen. Not what change he wants to happen.

So he has four different seasons that he can pass into, but he doesn't get to decide which season he passes into. Okay. Yeah. And sort of like how fairy child renews every day, he has that option with like kind of the turning of the day. Oh, that's interesting. I kind of imagine it like it's like there's been a bunch of water pushing on a water wheel for so long. Yeah.

And it like the peg got knocked loose and you can kind of like jam it in every once in a while and lock it, but you can't kind of choose. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. But he's still keeping like kind of the mischievous part of himself. Yeah. The boy capital T capital B is still kind of in play, but like his hold on the situation is also loosening. So it's still a little baby boy Billy, but just inundated with the power of all four seasons.

And then also he's becoming more comfortable with more natural aspects of fairy domes, such as creating rings. Fairy rings. Yeah. Cool. Yeah. Pretty sick. What's a little scene like ving in the forest with the mist that sort of shows how Billy has begun coming to terms with this change. So Billy's really, Billy stocked up on a lot of buns and like some other things too. And they're starting to get kind of moldy. And so ving was like, you got to, you got to get rid of them. Billy's like, no.

So he built his own fairy ring around the buns. Wow. You can't touch them now. If he tried to cross over to throw the buns. Yeah. Couldn't do it. It's the, that's the Vox Silva. That's really. Yeah. I am a door. I can't find the door. Throw those boots. Don't eat that bun. You put that bun down. And then bun is like so blue and Billy's like, no. Don't eat that. But that's not. Billy's, Billy's in his summer like with hair, the color of ripe wheat and just like eating old buns.

You can't stop me and totally naked. Billy, get back here. Put your clothes back. He's playing with a knife. Oh, no. I know. No. Yeah. Cut to diarrhea. Yeah. Cut to six hours later. He's in his autumn form and just shitting. In the stream. Big's rubbing his back. I know. There there. It's okay. His dead leaves fall from his hair. Beautiful. Yeah. Stunning. Stunning. The camera pans from the patter of the bandages to the patty of the bandages as tuck lies there.

Still recovering probably conscious at this point. I actually think tuck is still unconscious. Oh, damn. Did we did like vanger or like Prowler? Someone put you in like a little slumber? I think so. Cause tuck was like on death's doorstep when the fight ended. He was. Nathaniel threw the spear and he said that cool line and tuck was like, man, all that well, that ends well. And then they'll face first in a bottle of a bottle of blood. Got a bottle of blood. Yeah.

Just immediately pukes so much blood. Oh, God. And then he's like, Oh, Lord, you know, when you puke and then you freak out. Yes. It's like that Tim Robinson sketch where he's choking on the hot dog. Okay. Tuck starts like flailing and everyone keeps trying to hold him down. No, no, no, no. He's like a wild animal. So they put him into a co-host they could treat. Yeah. Okay. So then we're, I guess we're in kind of like the infirmary zone. Yeah. Your tuck's been on a cot for days. Yeah.

And he's been dreaming nonstop. All right. Let's see those dreams as we talk about tuck's new class. The truthless. Yeah. Very cool. What's cool? What's the overarching idea of the truthless? It's like leaning further into like the thing that Amma said and the fact that he couldn't see the demon of truth.

The fact that he has an absence of truth inside of him is like it kind of relates to a lot of the stuff that happened at the end of last season where like the iconic influences couldn't gain purchase on him. And like he's always had kind of like a natural resistance to like the more metaphysical forces. Yeah. The class is sort of all about that. Then let's see a little bit of this dream that tuck's been having. I think it is the dream. Oh, okay. So we're on a burning hillside. Yes. Yeah.

Like it's sort of iterated before it was like just the land rending and like being destroyed. And then it started to encompass like my friends and family. And then I think like the burning tree is now like ever present in it. Like if you try and escape it, you always end up back at the burning tree. Yeah. And then like even when you kind of like get really far away, it is like the sky entire is just like an image of like branches on fire.

And then I think like sometimes it does like that sky feels angry. And this is something that Tux saw during one of his visions and has accompanied you in this dream is every once in a while you see standing beneath the burning tree, the shadow of another. Oh, right. But you are you find yourself unable to approach the figure or get a good look at them. It's the kind of thing where you try and walk around them and it just keeps it continues to be their back. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

So what has Tuck been doing in this dream? He's just been like running through the cycle over and over again. Maybe that's where we come in truly to like the present. Okay. Is you're running through the cycle, which feels it feels like for the billionth time, like you've been here for eternity. Right. You come up the hill, the tree is burning. You see a person standing beneath it. You see Billy and Vang and all of the people that you've come to love in this world consumed by the roiling earth.

Yeah. Sometimes he tries to save them. Sometimes he like runs away before it happens. Sometimes he tries to get to the tree and he can't make it there. Sometimes he tries to catch the figure and the figure doesn't exist. And what do you do? How does this last cycle end? I think I think he gives up this time. Yeah. Yeah. So you just you just give in. Yeah, he's just tired. So he sits on the ground lays on the earth as the soil consumes him. Yeah.

So you startle awake for just the briefest of seconds. You feel as if your wrists are bound in chain and then you wake and Billy is padding chicken. So you see you reek of chicken soup, absolutely reek of it and Billy standing in like in front of you. I'm wrapping his wrist in soup bandage. Are you tying my wrists together, Billy? I'm not just fixing like your owie slash he's away. Oh, did they take my wrist braces off?

I think that's maybe what you wake to is Billy is like trying to take your bracer off so he can put the bandages on it. I think we took them off because they're so swollen and you had it a hatchet through one. Yeah. So everything's off. Okay. So your leather wrist straps are off. Yeah. What's the big deal? For the first time. Oh, yeah. Tuck doesn't ever take them off. Right. Yeah. So what do they see underneath the bracers? You see pretty heavy scarring around both wrists. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah, Billy, you take off the wrist straps and you see all the way around like a ring of scar tissue on both arms. And Tuck, you wake up and Billy is wrapping a bandage around your bare wrist. I think Tuck kind of instinctively like pulls back his hands and like shoves them under the blankets. And he's like, whoa, Billy. Hey, there's a lot of chicken soup in the bed. Well, I mean, Ving said that chicken soup usually makes people feel better.

So I thought I'd just use both, you know, both bandage and soup for super healing. Super healers. This might be my fault. It's working because you're awake now. Yeah. Yes. You know what? Can I get a bowl of just chicken soup with no bandages in it? Billy, like, so there's a lot of bowls. Yeah. Because the page has been making soup. So Billy wheels in a fresh or one. I haven't, I haven't touched this one yet. Oh, thank you. The bed is so. Oh, yes. That's really like all the way through.

There's not a fiber that is without soup. And I like the idea that the entire room is surrounded in a fairy ring and things like, please. He's awake. He's awake. Yeah, you can come in. How long have we been trapped in here? 30 minutes. 30 very long. Ving said he was taking a nap and to watch over you. You did a great job until you started pouring chicken soup into his wounds. He did a really good job, Billy. And then tucked back in his ving over as he lies back down.

He's just like, why did she leave a month supervised with soup? I didn't. I left a month supervised with bandages. Bad things. You know bad things happen when he just has unfettered access to soup. He's been all in this bun train. I didn't think he would go back to soup. We promised each other we would never let this happen again. Flashback too. Yeah, flashback too. Literally drowning in chili.

We went to a chili festival where there was a giant vat of chili like enormous and Billy did a switch through that went really wrong. So you're all together. Yeah. Yep. So what happened? How long have I been passed out for? Three days. Oh, we're safe. We're inside of the city. We're with the wicks. Walter wick. Is detanyal okay or is he? The thing is he's getting better. He's still very weak.

He doesn't have a lot of answers yet, but it seems like he was maybe under the tree for a long, long time. Have you had a chance to talk to him? Not of any significance. Just a little bit here and there he's just so proud. And I think scared and feeling weak. So he's not opening up. And I'm not interested in pushing him right now. What about the gash? Yeah. Right. Right. What about that gash? What? What it did. Your gash is as good as mine. I don't know what to do about this thing.

He's still the Ranger King. Is he not? Yeah. So we talked about it a little bit. It's basically up in the air whether or not it still applies because the gash was sworn when someone else was the Ranger King. Yeah. Um, so why don't we send word? And I send words to the druidic council. Oh, that's a good idea. You could send word. Yeah. You could send word. Don't we still have Oman? We have two. You have two. You have two. Oman came back. Right. Two moths.

So you could technically send one of them to Hibernia. Oh, sorry. I just forgot about the Thunderbird. Oh, yeah. Thunderbird. Yeah. Thunderbird would be a great representative to send to Hibernia. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, you could send. You could send Nathaniel with cloud purse piercer even. And you would be totally down to remove a price on my head. Yeah, exactly. And would have a much easier time entering a magical fog that keeps people away. Just be like, here we go.

So happy that I remembered about that. Thunderbird. Yeah. So are the listeners. Yeah. Jeez. Thanks, guys. We were about to have a real wide didn't Frodo just ride the Eagles moment. Oh, yeah. Okay. So is that what we're thinking? Like after some recovery, the party will briefly go to Hibernia and make some sense. I think we need to. I think we've been talking about this where we're just like, how do we fucking do with this gash?

It's like, I think you see Vinc just kind of like looking and then he looks up in the sky and you hear a hawk inside of his head go. Yeah. Yeah. And Tux says this to you guys. He's like, I think the only way that we'll feel okay dealing with all the other stuff. And by that he means the fact that the guy, the sky is trying to kill the world, the whatever. Yeah. Is if we know for sure that the gash is done. So we have to go back to Hibernia. Yes. Billy loves going to Hibernia. That's true. Yeah.

You have so many buns to put in your cave. Yeah. He's already gone to pack his buns. Just shoving him into a suitcase. Where'd you get that suitcase? I wouldn't worry about it. It's been suitcase. It's like it's been. Yeah. It says like F V or whatever his last name is. And God. Okay. What I was going to say is we're going to cut to the sitting room for a little family meeting. Okay. Just tuck put his wrist straps back on. Yeah. 100%.

You guys like he was kind of hiding them during the conversation about the gash. Well, did you guys see it? I didn't. The Billy side, but I don't think it clicked when it was. Yeah. So he hides it until you guys leave the room and then he puts his wrist straps back on. Yeah. Then we cut to the sitting room of the Fanny pack and Nathaniel has reentered. I imagine someone was like, Hey, we got a we got to talk. Was Walton here? Walt is not in here.

That would not come in the Fanny pack in a million years. We see we see Walt outside brushing an alpaca glaring at the Fanny pack. What's some stuff he's saying to the alpaca? They'll be gone soon. My love. Don't worry. My dear. You'll never have to smell those gross humans ever again. Such a weirdo. No, it's no, it's more. It's an affectionate thing. You know, like you call a pet my dear my darling. I'm not in love with an alpaca. I'm not from in the tent tuck like ducks out for a second.

He's like, Are you in love with that alpaca? No, my heart has been close to love for nine on 200 years. Shoshana. Go back to that. Shoshana. He turns away and grips a fist in front of his face and goes, Shoshana. I want an episode just on Walt. Yeah. Just sitting in this cabin being grouchy and inside the Fanny pack. Another wanderer comes into his house. He makes him rabbit and then he's fine wine. He plays a Melinda Rodstette song on a piano. They fuck hard for years. I never did get her name.

In the Fanny pack in the sitting room, everyone has gathered around the table and fireplace zone of the observatory section that we've spent most of our time in the Fanny pack. Victor is curled up in front of the fire. His massive lupine form only visible because of the edges of light playing along his fur. Dethanial sits in a chair, honestly like cold sick old man looking. He's got a blanket kind of around his shoulders like a like a shawl.

He's gripping a length of blackthorn that he's cut as like a walking stick. Oh, cool. Him and Vingar playing cards. Yeah. What? Yeah, they just got a deck of cards between them. Iberonia. Yeah. To prove to them that I'm not dead, but also not the Ranger King. Yeah, how do you feel about that? He throws down a card and gets like the advantage on you in this game. Ving picks up three. He throws down a blue four and a blue three and then looks at his hand.

Vingos fucking rips one of his cards and half and throws it over shoulder. That was my favorite one. And then Tucker took over on the other couches. Just like, what fucking game is this? Oh, no. Dethanial picks up four cards, looks at them, puts down two, reaches over, slaps Ving lightly on the face. How? You just got a 10. This game is totally random. I don't know. It's a game of skill and strategy. This is a game that did Daniel taught Ving how to play when he was very young.

The zoom has been playing this game for a thousand years. It sharpens the mind. It sharpens your wits. If you can't beat me at uno, how can you hope to beat life? I'm happy thing to go to Hibernia if it means that we can just move past this. I mean, unless there's another way of proving to them that the Ranger King is no more. Things switch, Ruse. I don't want my mistakes to lead to your death. It's not safe.

He throws down five cards, picks up five more cards, and then folds one up and puts it in his pocket. I'll go. We don't have to talk about it. And he puts his cards down, takes the one, gives it a gentle kiss, throws it in the fire, stands up with his cane. Tell me when we're there. I concede. And he walks off into the Vanny back to rest. He just leans in after the table walks away and he's like, did you win or what happened in that? No, he kissed the card. Yeah. That was the queen of trees.

Okay. He threw in the fire. So he conceded. But by conceding, he won. Fuck. Yeah. Yeah. Totally. Yeah. Totally. I really like that as his final move in the game, because in Dothaniel's mind, he thinks by giving himself up to the council, that's how he'll overcome this. Oh, that is really cool. Yeah. Where he's like, the only move he has left is to intentionally lose. Yeah. Because it's a pride thing where he's just like, you don't get to decide when my story ends. I do.

You win the queen of trees is his mom. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Fun. And Morris like closes his book goes, whoo. That's your dad, huh? Yeah. I see where you get it. Sorry. What? Anyway, so we should be making preparations to head out. I'm all packed. Just bun squeezing out of the seam of a suitcase. What are you reading? It's a, it's like a historical fiction fantasy romance. Oh, and Billy starts turning the pages. Like, are there pictures? You're getting crumbs all over it.

There actually there are pictures. There are quite a lot of pictures. Can I see any climbs up, like, make room? And he sort of shifts over like he shifts his arm up like an uncle's as you come and sit on his leg and he holds the book in front of you. Tuck leans over and just rips at the last fourth of the book. Because he's read this when he throws it into the fire. It's like, you don't get to see those pictures, Billy. The force like, chokes as you rip a bunch of pages out of a book.

Now I don't want to read it anymore. And Billy takes his bags and gets off Morris. I don't want to read it anymore either. And he throws the rest into the fire. I don't want to be around anybody. And Morris and Billy storm off into the fanny pack to go mope. Okay. So are we packing up? Yeah. As we're packing up, who would I talk to? I feel like Tuck's been asleep for basically a week. So we kind of let's talk to somebody to just be like, what the fuck is it going to get?

Maybe talk to Walt or Nathaniel. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Right. I think that makes sense rather than us. Oh, yeah. Actually Tuck might want to talk to Nathaniel. Yeah. Because Nathaniel was like hooked up to the tree for a long time. Yeah. Maybe Tuck is looking for answers on what the fuck the gibbest man was talking about. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then Tuck kept coming back in the dream where he was just like, what are you? Yeah. Well, what's the thing that he asked you again?

He said, do they know what you are? Right. And then he said, do you? And then Tuck got really mad when he said it and just rushed up. Right. Like he got unreasonably mad at the question and he doesn't really understand why. So, yeah, I think who should, who would be the best person to talk to? Is it Nathaniel? I think so. He's been the closest with the gibbest man for the longest. Yeah. And also Tuck doesn't want Billy or Ving to know any of this. Yeah.

And he feels like if he talked to Parell or Morris, they might like get my blab about it. Yeah. They're fucking gossipy bitches. Yeah. Like they're such little like loose lips. They're wizards. Why would they hide anything from their lesser's? But they love gosh. They love gosh. Who doesn't? Right. The hotter the gosh, the better. Before that tense conversation, we were talking to them and we were like, yeah, we found out that like Ving's mom was killed by his dad, but kind of by accident.

And they were like, no. Do you tell? Yeah. We were, we were like in the other room before going into the store. We were like, we were explaining to them that this is a tense situation. Yeah. I like that. So, like, shut up. He's just like. Yeah. Morris heads tuck so hard and he's still not recovered. Immediately after the tense card playing between Nathaniel and Ving, Morris stormed off to their shared bedroom and was like, Pare, you're never going to believe what he said.

Barry throws his book that closes it, puts the bookmark in it and turns the light on. I think he's going to kill himself to save his son. Just a life. I think he's going to kill himself because he accidentally killed his ex. This is just too much. Parell's like, I got to see this for myself. And Morris is like, you got to play it. Cool. We both have to go see him. Got to play it. I don't know. It was in a painting in the room where they're playing cards. The eyelids come up and you just do.

Two different colored eyes in a different direction. And it's like there, but they're being like shoved out of the way. Yeah. There's a series of flashbacks. Immediately after this dead scene of like the gramophone is quietly playing behind Ving and Dethaniel and then she's like the pipe running out behind the gramophone through the wall and then like, you connect to two way gramophone.

All of the events in the last season, but you just cut to the fanny pack and Morris and Parell have their ears pressed against the opening. Oh my God. He loves gossip so much. He's engineered this to be a huge gossip palace. It's that little fin kid again. No way. Out of the way. That's why Morris was like eventually they got into the sitting room and that's why Morris is reading that book because he's like, I got to play it cool. They were playing it cool.

She just grabbed a book off the shelf and it was porn. He was like, oh shit. Oh no, I can't believe I grabbed this one. He's like, well, I've committed to it. And then he low key freaks out when Billy was like, what are you reading? What's the title of content? Yes. Are you reading a book about supplements? Morris, what's vitamin B12? Well, Billy, it's the 12th of the B vitamins. Oh. All right. Okay. So Tuck is going to speak to Dethanyel. Yes. He's chosen a room for himself.

Just took it over without talking to anybody. Yeah. Like it's like it's a recovery room. He's doing physio sort of stuff. Yeah. He's got like little bars for stretching his legs and all that. Oh, yeah. Tuck walks in on him trying to do a dexterity exercise that he keeps fucking up. Yeah. Oh, he's got his blackthorn walking stick in his hand and he's trying to spin it over the back of his hand, flip it and catch it. Flip it and catch it for manual dexterity. And as you walk in, he drops it. Yeah.

And he goes like, fuck. And crouches down and picks it up. Slowly crouches. Yeah. So Tuck walks in and he sees Daniel like drop the can and he's like pretty sick move, bruh. Did you need something? Yeah. I just came in here because you got the exercise station in here. So I came in here to do some exercise. He's just staring at you now. He's like, yeah, I got to do the physio stuff because I don't know if you know, but I got all fucked up back there pretty bad.

And then what's the machine that's closest? Can I roll it to foreflex? There's a bowflex. Yes. It's an actual, it's a long bowflex. It's got a bow on it. You pull down on it. Okay. Oh, it's got it set up to try and get his bow drawn. It's on a bow on a stand. Yeah. And it's like a 200 pound pull. Yeah. It's like insane. And then he sees you Tuck just do it. Oh, was this thing on? I broke your thing. Sorry, bro. Yeah. That's right. And you hear Dethany and he'll go like, huh.

And then Tuck doesn't realize he's broken it. So he just grabs the top of the bow and he starts like reefing on it. He's just like, whoa. This thing's nuts, dude. I feel struggle already. Oh, man. I feel so healthy now. Is there something I can help you with? Yeah, just you were hooked up to that tree for a long time, hey? Yep. What a were you like? Were you in there for all of it or what was going on? Yep. I was I was conscious for all of it. Yeah. That was that was probably not good, right?

He's just he's aware that he's talking to a living legend. Like he's heard songs about the fan. I just want to be sure you need an answer to that question. The saj, I just wanted to ask you if you like could, did you like ever talk to the gibbous man? Or did you know it? Like, did you know what his plans were? Could you tell what he was thinking or doing or anything? I spoke to him once. Whoa. When he offered me the deal. Whoa. Sorry, I'm not there. No, I know. But I'm just reacting to it.

That Jessica is right there. Yeah. Tuck walks over and he like picks up like a long piece of wood and he puts it against a portrait that has the eyes murder. And you hear a bunch of thumping behind the wall. It's like, uh, it's like what deal? I didn't know who he was at the time. He offered to help me with the court. I'm sure thing has filled you in on all of my various failures and mistakes. Oh, yeah. I mean, no, no, and then it's just like, yeah, no, I have, I did not.

He didn't tell me anything or said you were great. Said you're fucking so good. Now I know you're lying. Anyway, he offered me an opportunity to make progress in my plans to enact what I'll be on a had always recommended that the power go back to the wood, back to the people. And I agree. You took the deal? Yes. But what I didn't know was that when be had also taken a deal to kill you. Yes, to kill me or put me in a more easily exploitable state as it were. Did you get a coin?

No, when you took the deal? No. Okay. It wasn't until the arrow struck home that I realized the gravity of my mistake. He like leans forward with his staff with his stick a little bit in a way that naturally makes you lean in a little. Tuck puckers is the. Just lift. Tuck does the thing where he like. He's just cheeks. Little make him rosy. Daniel is so hot. I don't think you guys are like part of tuck being weird when it came in here was like to thaniels famous.

He's things dad, but also part of it is like to thaniels. I can smoke smoking like it's crazy. Tuck's gone on such a journey over the course of this show. I feel like he has not changed at all. He just sees shapes and he's like a like those shapes. Like all those lumpy muscles. I like that as an explanation of tucks attraction spectrum is I just like shapes, man. So many shapes are so cool. It's so many. Everybody's such a cool shape. Yeah, I saw a dress on a bag of garbage one time. Awesome.

Shave. Flowing around in the wind. So much. You used to call me the litter bug. So much fucking beauty. Yeah, he wants to just imagine like shapely garbage and you're like, whoa. Wow. That's big. Yeah. You know what? I grew up in the streets. Can't escape my past. You could take the boy out of the streets, but you can't take the streets out of the boy. You know what I mean? And as you lean in when I lean out, I do the thing where I look at his eyes and then I look at his lips really quick.

I look back in his eyes and then my eyes get really wide. Did you see me look good? And then in his head, he's like, Oh my God, I want to fuck Bing's dad. Holy shit. Oh, one. Is that okay? Do you think Bing would be okay with this? Oh my God. Do you think it'd be weird for Dethanil if I'd already fucked his eye? Wait, I haven't fucked him. I just think about it all the time. Wait, what's going on? He's talking. He's been talking this whole time and I haven't listened to one word he said.

And Chuck goes, Oh no, the exposition. And as you come back to reality, Dethanil says, and that's really what happened to Bing's mother and her true identity. Talk you idiot. Please let that be. I love it. It'd be so funny if like, if Tuck had to roll to remember what Daniel said to try and go through the information. That's the spell Lord. Yeah, Tuck's going to spell Lord now in his own mind palace. See if it's in there. I had a thing I was going to say guys. Oh, sorry.

No, this is funny though. 2d6 plus wisdom, I guess. Yeah. Sweet. My negative one remains eight. So does he actually say this is what really happened to Bing's mom? True nature for identity. But he does say that, but it's because he notices that I totally spaced out and he just said that. He just said that. He just tried to fuck right.

So yeah, on a seven to nine with this defy danger, you do catch the thing that he actually said before he decided to fuck with you a little bit, which was my son trusts you. Would follow you anywhere. But if you go up against the give us man, go alone. And Tuck, he like takes a second and he like listens to make sure nobody's in the walls. Well, pushing each other in hallways and more is trying to like create another like portal to another painting that might be in the room. Yeah.

You guys are running. You're like scurrying sideways down really narrow. And Billy's like Billy's trying to like get underfoot to get there first. Billy, get out of the way. No. You're gonna listen. I want to listen to. I can't listen if you don't let me get there and make a hole. Well, but you never make a hole for me. That's because gossip is only as valuable as how few people know about this. I think is that true? He's cooking something in the kitchen like they can hear you.

He's not he's not interested in the pantry and fingers making an omelet. Come help me. You're on your own, Billy. You can do it. I believe in you, but you're on your own. Victor's doing that thing when dogs see other people play fighting where he starts hopping up on his back legs a little bit. He's like humping them. You're making a total humping. He's like, I will dominate. I will dominate gossip. I'm good to gossip your dreams. Did you know that once dogs were not wool? This is gossip.

I give you the first dog was Joao. Joao. Wow. We cut back to the thaniels room. Oh, yeah. So, yeah, it talks like, yeah, I don't think they wouldn't be able to say this quiet. And when Daniel says, like, go alone, talk leans in and like he fixes his eyes and he's like, that's the plan. Daniel nods. You can see in his eyes, deep respect for at least a moment. And then he looks over at his bow flex snapped in half and looks back. He looks back at tuck and tuck is looking at his lips again.

When he looks back, I like make eye contact. He just sees your eyes stop moving and can guess where they were. Yes. I'm pretty tired. And tuck us. Okay. Look, I'll leave you alone. But I do need any to ask you a question. If you were connected to the gibbous man, is it possible? Do you know what I am? This is a role. I think so. And I think it's the kind of role where the role is not is to Daniel going to tell you is what does he know? Yeah. Whoa. Sorry. I guess it would be spout lore. Yeah.

2d6 plus intelligence. It's seven. Okay. He looks like he's contemplating for a second looking into that part of his mind that he has clearly been trying to block out for the last few days. And he says, I don't know what you were before. But now you're nothing. Okay. Ouch. Whoa. This is so mean. I mean, I think with what tuck has been thinking about. But he means by nothing is up for debate. Yes. Okay. And also the some, there's something that really reverberates with tuck as he leaves. Before.

Whoa. Before what? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I realized that as you leave, as I leave. And then he, yeah, he's like, wait, before what the fuck? Because he just, the thing that he really heard was you're nothing from like a famous guy who he kind of wants to fuck. I know. Don't backpedal. You were hounded for it a second ago. He's got an energy. He does have an energy about him. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Okay. Well, oh, can I do one thing before I leave? Yeah. Yeah.

So as I, as I'm about to go, I pick up the black thorn staff and I throw it at him real quick. His hand as if by instinct snaps up and catches it. And then tuck like snaps and like does finger guns. Yes. And then feels that that was the thing that ruined a cool moment. And then he goes, he starts moonwalk. Oh no. There was another gun and then he wakes and then he does a flourishing bow. Okay. He pretends to tip his fedora at him.

And Billy and Morris and Peral have come out into that area at that point and they witness all this. They witness tuck moonwalking out of them. Just as Bing was walking up with an omelet for his dad. Yeah. He also saw everything. And then we watch as he flips a fake fedora. And then tuck spins out of the room and then collapses in the hallways. Oh my God. What are you doing? What are you doing? And Morris and Peral both look at each other like we're going to talk about this later.

The girls have come in number now. So do we hop on the bird or is there more stuff in the fanny pack you guys want to do or more stuff with Walt? I mean, like I am curious about like this Walt wick. Yeah. I just don't know what to say or. So he's yeah, what he is a member of this community, but he identifies as an outsider. He's a cast away on purpose, which sounds like what most of the wicks are. Yeah. He's definitely conspiracy guy. Oh, totally. Oh, yeah. Yeah. He's like the ghostbuster.

He's the Egon shield. He's been living out. Everyone thinks it's crazy that maybe some of his ideas are true. Yeah. Yeah. He's like, I've seen some fucked up things in these woods. I've seen spirit animals coming out of nowhere. Oh, yeah. I've seen creatures of night making deals. Yeah, you guys could definitely go talk to Walt. I pictured him too with those two big brushes, the big square brushes that you make wool with. Oh, yeah.

Like just like speaking in tongues and like muttering about like things that they're government ship while he's making alpaca wool. Yeah. I can't live in hardwood shitty anymore, mostly because of the taxes, but also because of my outstanding warrants. But that's what the government wants. The government wants to put tags on you and tell you what a man can and cannot do. Hold still, Delalah. This is a man who did the real trust with his life. Yeah. Yeah.

Because what you don't see is that every square foot of this forest for like four miles is trapped to shit. And also like there's a complex underneath that goes just as far. Yeah. Yeah. The Rambo network. Yeah. Oh, do I. I think that the reason that you guys are probably stepping out is because Ving has to contact cloud piercer. Oh, shit. Like you have to get him to come here. And we should probably warn Walt. Right. Because Walt's going to like shoot down a bird. Right.

Yeah, that's a good point. He's going to look up and be like the government. Yeah. Don't strike. The government's coming. That burns a drone. So you go outside because you don't have any reception indoors. You basically got your cell phone. You're looking for bars. Exactly. And Walt is out there sitting on a bench outside of his cabin with those like, what are you doing? Walt making brushes. Yeah. And he's just got an alpaca next to him.

And every once in a while he scoops a bunch of wool off of it and starts needing it. What are you doing? What are you doing? I'm making wool. Something useful I do with my hands. What are you doing? Staying in a round. Yes. Sorry. Don't apologize. Just do something. Okay. And he looks over. He like tips his head over at a trough that doesn't have very much hay in it next to some hay. So Billy starts plucking grass to make to add to the hay trough. He's like, gee.

Jack walks over and he like, there's a giant bale. And he starts dragging him. This Billy's throwing handfuls of grass into the trough. Bing hops on the spinner and starts spinning. Oh, yarn. And Walt goes spit nods. So you're the thing knows boy, huh? Spit nods. Not quite what I expected. What were you expecting? Don't answer that. And Walt goes, all right. A man that asks questions and expects no answers. I like that. Bing grew up in old cheers. This is his person. That's so true. Yeah.

He grew up in fucking bum fucking nowhere. No, it's how to deal with this guy. Sick vest. Thanks. I made him my shelf after my fourth wife told me it was over. And he turns away and close causes the fist and he goes, show Sean. And Billy also goes, show Sean. You ever you know what it's like to have your heart torn from your chest boy? Oh, literally. Nope. I literally don't know what that feels like. Literally. It's a pain worse than death.

There's nothing, nothing worse than losing a love that lit your life with passion and fire. The only thing worse than that is paying taxes. Fucking taxes. Fucking taxes. Yeah. Well, they can take those taxes and they can go fuck themselves with those taxes. Yeah, but wait, that would mean they're taking the taxes. Well, we still back the taxes. And that's what Billy says from the trough. Yes. Inside the trough now. Organize of the hay. That's an alpaca walks up and starts like nibbling around.

Yeah. Dangerously close. You always take back the taxes. You always take back the taxes. That's right. This is what I've been talking about. Maybe this is our opportunity to finally strike out at the man's greedy hands and take back from Heartwood City, what they've taken from people. I mean, that's kind of what we wanted to talk to you about. Yeah. We really fucked up Heartwood City, dude. You don't say. Did you hear what we did? I heard some on the wind in the trees in the ground.

Would you hear? I didn't hear much. That's because there wasn't much to say because we chopped a lot of heads off. Exactly. Yeah. You want to speak? And then Tucker is here. Let the wind tell you a tale. And they blows it his face and Walt closes his eyes and lets the air wash over him. The heart tree. Whoa. And it goes, whoa. What? You struck at the corruption at the very heart of the forest. Look at my arm.

And he grips your wrist and he pulls it really close because it's clear his eyesight's pretty bad. He's rude. He's got thick, coke bottle glasses. He's got half of one. Huge glass. Oh, just one over one eye of Masso. Oh, what do you mean half of one? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. I like that they're really thick glasses. Really, really thick glasses. His eyes are like bugging out every time you look at him. Whoa. Easy bubbles. He's ruined. This is ancient knowledge. Old figures.

No designs that speak to the language, the heart of the stars. Yeah, okay. You can read. Rance. And the ranger worth his salt can read the runes. Cool. My dad never taught me that. He wouldn't have. Why not? I shouldn't say. Say. All right, I'll say. Your father was a contentious figure in the court, even as a youth. And his relationship with your mother, the lady Iliana made it even more so.

The very idea that he would induct you into the secret ways of the Rangers in the runic language, which surely have spelled his death and yours. I see. Spare the rune. Save the child. He nods. That is it. May I've heard many a tale of you three and it seems like you are doing your father and your mother quite proud. I just want to say. I'll never bore ill will to watch the lady Iliana or her ilk. Ving nods slowly. What? What are you doing out here? Why aren't? Oh, sorry.

Did I step on your moment? Not at all. It says that. Nope. No, not at all. Litch Ving looking at Walter's lips. This grizzled old man. White beard. What is happening to us? I think tuck and ving are realizing some things about themselves and each other and they are putting that energy outwards. We got to keep a foot on it. We got work to do.

But I think also like the whole it's the kind of thing where like after you've been in a terrible battle, you just get crazy horny because you feel like you're going to die. Yes. Natural animal instinct to be like, I need to reproduce right now. Yes. Fight. Flight. Or fuck. Yes. The three three. The three reactions. The three Fs of life. I did this. That's what he did for. Deed, meed and seed. That's what Walt says. Only three things truly count in a person's life. Deed, meed and seed.

Hell yeah. Hell yeah. He reaches down and pops the cork on a jug that starts smoking heavily and takes a deep drink from it. And then Tekka's, if you were like a ranger, what are you doing out of here? I got tired of the system. Tired of fighting battles for people that didn't know what those battles meant. We went out and we were sent after spit. Went out and sent after many, many of folk that were deemed enemies of the court. And it wasn't until terribly long into my career.

I am ashamed to say that I realized that those enemies were enemies of the court because they disobeyed the court. I decided to come out here, set up a little lamb for myself, get me some fine alpacas and live for me. I don't remember what we were trying to get out of this guy. Do you have any booby traps in the sky? In the sky? No, just these two booby traps. Any points of his eyes. Well, we have someone coming to visit us in a little bit. From the skies?

Have you ever seen a thunderbird, my friend? Dude, dude, dude, dude, dude. As the camera cuts to cloud piercer. Wind ripping at his feathers. Yeah, all the holes. The clouds begin to roll in gray. The trees around us start to swing. And almost like a sonic boom in the sky as the clouds part. Like a bolt of lightning. Yeah. Yeah. Landing. Skidding. Hi, guys. Oh, no. It's Gil. It's me. I'm so glad to see you all again. Did you call the wrong person? I just called out to the Thunderbirds.

They send who's available. Cloud piercer, it's not currently available, but I'm happy to get you what you need to go. When she landed, she tumbled a bunch. She fell really hard. She's got so much hay in her fur. She's picking hay out of her feathers. She's ruffling up. So who you guys need to ride? Walters eyes are loud because of due to Ving's new move called World Echo. Oh, right. Everyone can hear. Now everyone around a van can hear the chirps and songs of animals. Yeah, totally. All right.

So if an animal or something is talking to Ving around him, there's a circle. A lot of influence that everyone else can hear. Yeah, totally. So Walt is just like falling to his knees. Oh, great bird. I like him. Tell me what's down needs and I will be the eternal servant. Wait, what? Right. They're like sacred or something like that. But while he's kneeling, Ving takes off the necklace, the bird necklace.

Oh, he's carrying a walks over to Walter for your service to all the people of this land and the non people of this land. I give you the gift of communion with the Thunderbirds. What? He reaches down and grabs the carved woody amulet. She's a great boon. You have bestowed upon me and I have to say, I'm not quite sure why. This is my way. And he, when you say that, he nods. This is his way. You've done me a service and he stands up for about two and a half minutes. In the whole way.

We're watching it for the whole time. No one's helping every time someone reaches down, he bats their hand away. I can do a mushroom. This guy trained to Daniel. Oh, yeah. That's so true. Why did Daniel trust him because he's Daniel's old master. Oh, I love that. Man, why do we just introduce these one off characters that we come to a door? We love, I don't want to leave now. I know. I want this whole season to be Walt. I love, he's a grumpy sweetheart. He's so great.

And he, he steps, he bows low and he steps back to allow you to speak to Gail. So you guys, how do you go to, we're going to Hibernia, huh? Yes. Can you take everyone? Well, what if we're all in the bag? Yeah, I can take a bag. Awesome. Thanks, Gail. If you kind of cool if like one or two you wrote though, because I do get bored. And then I immediately am like, okay, pick a, pick a grass. Whoever gets the shortest grass has to ride with Gail. Should we roll for this? You should roll for this.

And I think you're, I think you guys are just going to roll 1d6 and the lowest number has to ride with Gail. Okay. You mean gets to ride with Gail. Gets to. All right, Gail, we'll figure it out. I got a 2. I got a 2. I got a 2. Yeah. Oh, wow. We both got really low rules, but not as low as Billy. So Billy picks up these grasses and is so sure in his luck that this will not fail him. Yeah, it's so smug. And Ving pulls long grass, tuck pulls long grass. Well, surely I have the lawn. I sure.

I also, I mean, I break the game. Oh, no, it's short grass. Oh, and Gail goes, what are you guys doing? We're looking at grass, Gail. Okay. Well, I could take the bag and I could take one or two people. Yeah, I'll go with you, Gail. Awesome. I have heard and forgotten so many songs since I last see all you guys. So you're going to have to help me out with a lot of stuff. All right. See you later, Gail. Good luck, Gail. No problem. I listened to the radio probably.

You can practice your songs on me. Tuck goes into the tent. Did you guys have anything you wanted to ask? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Great. Well, yes, I was wondering if maybe I could get one of those vests. He nods, smiles to himself, walks forward, grips your hand. You know what, Sean? After all that you guys have been through, everything your father's been through. Absolutely not. And he walks back into his cabin, closest to the door. We got absolutely nothing at an interaction. Nothing.

In fact, Vincave away. The only way he has to contact the Thunderbirds. Nothing. I mean, not the only way. No, no, he has other ways. Right. I don't know. This was just a, I thought it was just a symbol at this point. This was your, this was your main way of contacting the Thunderbirds in the past, but we can say that a spiritual evolution has taken place. What were we going to ask again? I feel like because he has been in the woods forever.

We're going to be like, yeah, we're going to ask, like, have you heard anything? Then you guys became so endeared by him that you just wanted to talk to him. This is how he does this. This, you, you, it's not until he leaves that you realize we got nothing out of him. Right. He was trying to ask him stuff and he just kept being like endearingly, charmingly weird. You guys did ask him questions and he just gave you answers, but that didn't give you information and then you just moved on. Wow.

Crazy. He was like a master spy kind of thing. We have been dancing around a group within the Ranger Corps that we have not talked about. That is that exactly. What is it? And I think Walt was a former one. Oh. Somebody's going to have to roll spell Laura if you want to learn about it. I'm spelled Laura. Did he six plus intelligence? Six. Failure. And we will continue to dance around this group. No, that's perfect. So funny.

Because that's, that's what we're, how would you, how would you know anything? Yeah. We realized that he has, he gave us no information and then we run to the cabin and we open the door and then tuck gets shot in the shoulder with an arrow. There's no one in there. It's just a loaded crossbow tied up to the wall. He's gone. Okay. Anyways, everybody get in the bag. Yeah. Billy reluctantly gets on to gale. Billy, if you want to go in the bag, I'll hang it with gale.

So I mean, it's up to you, really. Do you want to do the talking and singing, buddy? Go in the bag. I made some macaroni for you. And you fold up the fanny pack, tie it around something. You're your waist gales. Next something like that. Yeah, I put it on my waist. And you hop on gales back and the clouds begin the thunder rolls and the lightning strikes. Another love goes cold. Honestly, please. And gale extends her mighty wings, lifts them to the skies. Bing does the same.

And as she takes off, she says, OK, so tell me if this sounds familiar.

degenerative degenerative degenerative degenerative degenerative degenerative degenerative degenerative degenerative degenerative degenerative degenerative degenerative degenerative degenerative degenerative degenerative degenerative degenerative degenerative degenerative degenerative degenerative degenerative degenerative degenerative degenerative degenerative degenerative degenerative degenerative degenerative degenerative degenerative degenerative degenerative degenerative degenerative degenerative degenerative degenerative degenerative degenerative degenerative degenerative degenerative degenerative degenerative degenerative degenerative degenerative degenerative degenerative That guy goes flying.

Yeah, I'm so sorry. Sept careening into the woods. And that is where we are going to end things for this week. I've been your game master, Sean O'Hara. Joining me is always playing Tacoma Dome, the barbarian of dual disease. So like everybody playing Ving the Half-elf Druid, Paul operas. Take care of everyone playing fat Billy, the halfling thief, Jessica Ty. Bye everyone.

Thank you to Aaron Reed for our incredible intro and outro music and all of the music produced for the show, including the incredible season finale song that you would have just heard. A couple weeks ago, if you want to hear all of Aaron's original music, you can find him at erinreed.bandcamp.com. And if you want to find all of the music produced for the show by Aaron, you can find that at soundclide.com.

And if you want to support the show, as so many of our wonderful supporters do, you can find us at patreon.com or speltler.com. Thank you finally and most of all to you for listening. We'll see you next time. We will not leave you without a resolution. Turn next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores. And for you I'm gladly spelt long.

Spell lower is brought to you by listeners like yourself If you want to check out more stuff or give us a support Go to www.pat I'll start over It sounds like a fucking alt of this to add Now the round friends let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and old A brooder drew it and a thief who is but not as old You know them by name you know them by deep their quests are famously daring So here I sit singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Top is the brooder knows how to slow me lust your singing fine Fingers have healthy shifts his shape and wields his fear with great pride The only safe is tiny sized as fast the largest heart Best and rise they may not be but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather around friends and listen close For the tales about Hello everybody and welcome to spout lore.

I'm your game master Shanohera joining me is always playing Tacoma Dom the barbarian of dual disease. What's up you miserable fuck Playing thing the half-el druid Paul operas. Hey, I'm gonna talk again And playing fab Billy the half-length thief Jessica's I this is what the podcast is now just to do No one can suck now just me get ready. This is gonna be the season that we lose all of our patrons Paul's got all left great.

Oh Jessica's getting up to she looks I don't want to So tired Up and down every time dual takes over $2,000 to betray you that's all it took actually that He gave me $1,000 to walk But yes, you're being paid I didn't get paid This is bullshit. I've been withholding payment from Sean Alright, let's fix that intro so we don't lose a bunch of Okay, hello everybody and welcome to spout lore.

I'm your game master Shanohera joining me is always playing Tacoma Dom the barbarian of dual disease I was wondering what was gonna happen Okay, hello everybody and welcome to spout lore. I'm your game master Shanohera Joining me is always playing Tacoma Dom the barbarian of dual disease.

Hello everybody Playing ving the half elf druid Paul offers hi and playing fat Billy the half-length thief Jessica tie That's Jessica's attempt at taking over is quietly saying what's up Welcome to just my podcast We've got three of my best bros It's just your podcast, but we're still here We're still your best bros. It's called just my brass bros Just my best bros That's pretty good. That is good. We should remember this for like a patreon exclusive just my best bros.

Yeah One last we left our heroes.

We joined them a week after six to nine days after the climactic battle under the heart tree nice Recuperating the party introduced you the listener To their new classes and we saw how everyone had spent the last several days In ving's case it was awkwardly trying to talk but not talking with his father dithaniel Aka talking to your dad Yeah, I guess that is yeah, that is generally talking to your dad Coming to terms with his new connection to the land with the knowledge seed inside his very chest Billy Pinchin buns Billy hell is so an adventure in heartwood city as they escaped the confines And it mostly involved billy stealing from bakeries And also helping tuck Recover because tuck spent most of that intervening time completely unconscious totally unconscious dream Terrible dreams over and over tachoma dome.

Yeah, yeah the tachoma dome experience dreaming terrible dreams while unconscious Oh my god. I cannot wait until that's what we do with the las vegas sphere What is just a horrible dreamscape over and over? It's just a terrible dreamscape if you want to come on in It's like a gravitron Put a gravitron in the middle and then it's also a terrible dreamscape It's therapy.

Yes the most expensive therapeutic treatment in the world In the course of billy's ministrations which involved dipping bandages in ministrone The answer was chicken soup, but the pun was right in front of me.

Yeah Billion ving at some point removed tuck's leather bracers revealing beneath two intensely scarred rings of tissue Billy being the one to wrap those Scars and bandages didn't really click that anything was wrong and ving had them hidden from him But then they crew talked a little bit about what to do next and they mostly landed on the fact that it's time to handle the gesh Now that we know the man known as the ranger king was not the ranger king but also Wasn't known as the ranger king it might they might have a case for Speaking to the oval council in hibernia and breaking the gesh altogether also dithaniel said that he would just turn himself in Yeah, and on speaking about this with dithaniel dithaniel said yeah, let's do it Let's go.

I will tell them that it's my fault and i'll just throw myself at their mercy to clear you my son Hmm of your obligations. Mm-hmm.

The party decided to after some some gossiping and Trying to spy on ving and his dad We spent so much time in the walls A lot of time in the walls a lot of the time peering through paint paintings as we realized As we gave morris and perell new nicknames shared nicknames in the form of the gossip girls This entire palace is just for hearing whispers more or less Uh takwentigo speaks to the thaniel alone in his recuperation chamber slash personal gym Destroying all of dithaniels finely tuned workout equipment and becoming flustered with him sexually Or just his energy was a lot.

Yeah, yeah All right, and oh and they had a conversation in which dithaniel actually gave up quite a lot of info what Uh, what was it? It was have you spoken to the gibbous man? Do you know his plans and he said yeah? I made a deal with the gibbous man right and was betrayed wow It's obviously I wasn't there.

Yeah because takw was staring at dithaniels full plump lips the whole time Uh the last thing that Happened in that conversation was dithaniel saying My son will follow you anywhere, but if you're going up against the gibbous man go alone to which tuck replied that's the plan Uh the party then went and spoke to walt wick Oh, yeah, the owner of the ranch that they'd been hiding out at for a period of time And became so enamored with this crazy character that they forgot to ask him any real questions Because I got sure I enjoyed doing this voice so much that I forgot to say anything important And then the thunderbird uber that ving had called arrived in the form of gale The party jr.

Review One star talks too much Uh the party then drew straws to see who had to ride with gale Billy forgot how to play Draw straws and he gave himself the shortest draw. Yep Uh and then ving very graciously offered to ride with gale climbing aboard her back with the fanny pack around his waist His family safely ensconced within gale took to the skies when you see ving put in earplugs Cotton wall From the alpacas. Yeah, totally.

Oh, yeah These will come with handy And the camera cuts to walt closely examining one of his alpacas and going somebody took shimma my wool I eat an elf seer's worth Two canals worth a wall Government You're trying to catch me Attaching my wall Time to reset all the traps Welcome this episode of walt sets tracks Oh, yeah All right, he's gonna roll into five danger to set this trap.

Okay, gonna roll into five danger to set this trap Okay Activated the goddamn government's what activates it Uh, but that is where we find our heroes now or hero ving on the back of gale Ripping through the skies to being windswept blown by the wind I Honkered low because hibernia is quite far away. Yeah, but thunderbirds are exceptionally fast So you are absolutely hauling as they're going through the winds.

There's different birds trailing in the the wisps behind gale As she passes through clouds the cloud coalesces into different shapes of birds a crane a swan a flock of Eagles all the different spirits of the birds are flying with us passing through the clouds That's you that's doing that like you're a fact on the environment.

Yeah, cool Yeah, that's so sick And while this beautiful scene unfolds around you Gales like so he was in a couple plays and one of them was about like a guy that owned a restaurant But was really abrasive and the other one was about a guy who had mental problems and was in a little thing He met a lady fella, but I can't remember his name It's chethane hanks I don't think that's what it is The flight continues inside the fanny pack. What do we find?

We're playing uh, sorry Yeah, and how is starry played in this world? We all we sit around in a circle and we tell each other stuff that we did that we didn't tell each other about before And then and then you have to say sorry and then maybe it'll be accepted or not This is a game. It sounds like that tuck and ving device to get billy to tell the truth So it is billy's turn Okay So when I said that I was stealing buttons Yes I stole some other stuff too.

What what did you steal billy takes out one of his bags of buns And he starts opening up the buns and there's There's like the acorns from the acorn library And i'm like they just seem so fun to look at the billiard these the books from the corner Yes, oh god, don't take them though.

They're mine I took them fair and square perell's looking around like are these important you have to tell them what you did Okay, so part of the game is I have to tell everyone what I did So the heart tree has a library that's kind of like the morgonney library Except even older and these are the books and I took some of the books billy Their books you're supposed to steal them. Thank you and perell reaches over and searches for a pine cone and billy grabs his Oh, no, it's not on camera.

It's so funny. I reached out to take an imaginary pine cone and jusca reached out to hold my But he Thank you, benny kind of awkwardly shakes your hand. It's okay billy tuck. I'm sorry I accept your apology. Yes And then tuck puts like three marbles in the jar. Yes, I'm winning Yeah, and then yeah, there's four jars. Everyone's got a jar in front of them. Yeah Victor is Victor sees the marbles going and goes okay.

I also have thing to say I also have Secret to reveal friend with a deer, but then I ate it I am sorry Everyone was wondering what happened to their slippers Well, it's easy answer is they are gone Hard answer is they will come back May I have marble, please Well, you missed one part of that I'm so I forgive you And then you he's your dog. Oh, yeah, okay, so that's what tucks says to billy. He's your dog He is my dog. So I give him three marbles Yes My marbles are almost these doll is yours.

Not quite though I'm gonna be you Victor. I make so many mistakes. I have even more things to apologize for He's really backfire replay this game together to admit what he's done But now he's doing bad things soon It's like the head dog in france that got a stake for saving a kid from the sin So he started grabbing kids and Oh my god, and we cut back out to ving on gales back Mm-hmm cloud piercer senses his regards by the way. Ah, thank you.

The war is going not great No, no throne breaker still gathers his strength and uh We're pretty worried that he is Becoming too powerful. Is there anything I we can do to help the war Can I spell lower about this? Is there anything that we can do? I mean, yeah We could do like a discern realities if you wanted questions on the or wanted to examine the situation Cool. Yeah, that's like a discern realities for what's going on super sick.

Okay 2d6 plus wisdom Nice plus wisdom 12 You get three questions What should I be on the lookout for great question? Can I use I have the tiger and see through gales eyes of uh one of the most recent battles Yeah, sure that's a cool way to do it.

So you use I have the tiger and your spiritual skill to see recent events through the eyes of gale I like that ving closes his eyes and then opens his eyes First he was like looking at gale And then he opens his eyes and he's looking through gale As a piece of ice cuts her cheek as she's flying fast through a battle in the sky Oh, yeah, so razor sharp shards of ice Whip through the air in great gouts of glittering blades uh birds wheel and spin through the through the storm tearing at each other for someone such as yourself, it's difficult to tell the forces of the storm from the forces of the sky But the one thing that it is not difficult to discern is throne breaker the great powerful king of birds his massive bulk his snow white feathers reflecting the light of the storm And in the center of his head where once there was a shattered stone Thanks to your dear friend and ally tachoma dome.

There is now a glittering piece of obsidian whoa What here's not what it appears to be oh, that is a great question So the yeah, the what here is not what it appears to be as you think that this is just A storm that is whipped up by thunderbirds Naturally during their battles, but you see that it is Even just through the currents through gales eyes You can see the natural and unnatural currents in the air and see that this storm is connected To lillian storm to the storms and the sea of graves into similar storms around the world About to happen I think that what you see is as What is about to happen?

It is answered both in the past and in the present as you see thump uh throne breaker and his flock His murder Begin winning whoa. Oh, they are uh, if not striking down birds scattering them to the winds And you see that in the moment throne breaker won the battle and in time he may well win the war Oh, no And you're back on gales back in the clouds Oh, no They need to break they need to take a truce or something How long will you fight? Why why do you keep fighting?

We have to If we don't the storms may consume the globe And there will be nowhere for us to roost It is chithane hanks you're absolutely right. It is chithane hanks He wouldn't gosh He wouldn't he wouldn't he god for that. I know it was chithane. I'm so sorry. I doubted you Let's come back inside for a sec I also want to say that when turkey went missing was not me But when garbage with turkey went missing was me And I am sorry I feel like you're not really sorry about that. I believe that.

Oh, I have to mean it as well as say it That is not the rules. There's so many marbles in his chart But everybody's starting to kind of the fact that he doesn't actually feel sorry Yeah That's like the number one rule of the game is you have to actually be sorry Is it actually rule? Yes. Yeah, it's a rule. It's written. It's written right here. I can't read it But that's what it says I can't read it either.

They're looking at a takeout menu That we just gave billy and we're like these the rules are sorry. What can we say? No, if those are the rules it is not honorable to overcome lesser by cheating remove my marbles Okay, then remove them. I dump it all out Don't worry. We're gonna land and then you can look at the moon. I will never go to all day breakfast again Don't see that victor. I don't want to be here anymore.

He runs He's so floppy running for all He's doing that like overly emotional dog run where his legs kick all over the place I wonder if like victor as he is becoming domesticated by billy. It's having a like a physical effect on him as well I think actually what you've noticed is that he's becoming slightly easier to see Oh Like he's not as invisible as he once was when you met him I like that his ears are floppier than ever to Easier don't stand up anymore. Yeah, okay.

So thing pawn gales back Let's say it's like thunderbirds as we've said fast as hell Let's say it's like half a day three quarters of a day of flying at Like near supersonic speeds vig is just clutched to the back of gale as she hauls ass Which Walter gave me that fucking vest freezing up here After a while you realize that you are surrounded by like a thick gray fog You have entered the gray Gail begins to descend through the fog her extra sensitive thunderbird senses for currents and navigation Taking her unerringly towards land and before you suddenly resolves rocks stone saltwater Tall pine trees the island of hibernia and the wind starts whipping up around her Just as she descends and you can see people like step out of their homes and let cover their eyes as the wind blows at them And now we're gonna roll a move we've never once used called outstanding warrants Sick when you return to a civilized place in which you've caused trouble before roll plus charisma.

Okay, here we go 12 Is that just a normal it is natch natch natch 12 not 12 fuck me okay I'm coming in hard with charisma. Yeah, it's because you're on the back of a massive majestic bird It comes out like a flock of thunderbirds, but the other thunderbirds like fade that would gray miss Oh, yeah, like your spiritual mastery is like telegraph.

Yeah, like gail comes Cruising in and as she like dips up to slow herself down her wings spread and the rest of the thunderbirds dissolve Yeah, oh, I love it. So they've where you where is gail landing just on the beach I mean somewhere really cool like on the cliff by that our beautist knowledge tree Oh like right at the councils get land there.

Yeah right at the council stone boom gail her talons grip deep into the stone And on a 10 plus word has spread of your deeds and everyone recognizes you So maybe not good It's hard to say But maybe it's good because they love the knowledge tree Right, so maybe we've righted a wrong I think that I think the council has definitely heard okay as is evidenced by the fact that people are emerging from the woods on the edge of the council stone Okay Druids upon druids led by grim shay leader of the deep striders and head of the oval council What is the meaning of this?

Gail tell them Why we're here I come bearing Ving the druid son of Oh god The ranger king and also I think a druid Like his mom is a druid. I think yeah anyway. I am gail. That's right nice to meet you Big fan of everything you're doing down here on this island Ving do you want to take this way at any point?

I am here as a representative of Oh Billy's in the bag going the birds the thunderbirds Yes, I am a thunderbird as you can see and we as allies of ving and his allies Are here to show our support for whatever is going on. I didn't really get the whole idea But I am here This is so lookout.

This is like you had to do a court appearance and you brought your uber driver into defend You Big jumps down he's like yes, the thunderbirds have helped us And have brought us here And in return I ask that you help them They Are interlocked in a battle bigger than all Barris you help them What Ah, yes, I am being bang zuba knee zumba. I am La Ringa vinga.

I am not the name I am Larrongar vinga and a figure pushes their way to the front of the crowd dripping in seawater draped in kelp stone eye Oh You are in no position to demand of us gashbearer Gashbearer no more Dumps out the fanny pack dumps out Yeah, so I guess dithaniel. Yeah comes tumbling out of the fanny pack. Do we all come out does everybody fall? That's what I was hoping for. I was like the gossip We're doing the gossip thing.

Oh, so you were all leered against yeah Insider were like what does he say is he saying his name or is he is he no? He forget his own name I talked about this.

I'm supposed to be here so that I can go before the council you guys really you shouldn't be here right now Oh And you are all dumped out just stay really still I'm like maybe they didn't notice that also came out Morrison porellar also played out on the stone There's a bunch of marbles skitter Oh, yeah, Billy's Billy was gonna lay still about his marbles when everybody's like I feel like with the druids see Billy scrabbling around for marbles they like shy back Boy, I think a couple of them like instinctually go oh marbles and try and stop them but they're like wait wait wait Uh when Billy sees them go near his marbles he goes Back on They do they absolutely do and as diphannial Raises himself to a knee with his with his black thorn ving helps him up and the crowd goes And grim she steps forward you bring this man to our shores I bring you the shadow of the man Known as the ranger king This is the man you thought you needed to bring down this man will not die If that means you have to kill me and then ving opens up his fur Oh, and then opens up the chest and takes out the seed Then you kill everything that you have ever known And then tuck uh tuck silos over to ving really quick and he just grabs he's like can I talk to you for a second And then Hold on a second.

I will die. I long with me all of your knowledge It's like and if I die, I'll kill them too. I need to talk to Hold on to see back in my chest He's like hey, what i'm gonna awkwardly trying to do a thing I don't really know what i do any tip do we fucking come here so your deck could give himself up So you didn't have to die. Why are you sacrificing yourself, right? Okay, hold on. That's good.

I'll use that Take this gesh and shove it Here's my dad kill him if you want He looks at tuck and gives him a finger game What the fuck are you doing?

The council is all looking at each other like guys i'm really good at podcast Welcome to ving and others And Dithaniel who's been standing there like holding his walking stick with both hands While you say these things just puts a hand on your shoulder And takes a week step forward towards the council because I would speak with you alone And they all look at one another the council and then back to all of you in grimshay nods Very well And they're sort of an unspoken like Get out of here Five Well, I'm not done picking up my marble After you don't after you pick up your Help the boy becoming marbles The rest of the juries right for it and start putting marbles in the jar Do you leave or do you stay?

I stay Yeah, I want to stay and hear what the fuck this is Yeah So the the non council juries are ushered away And you all just stained your ground?

Yes Yeah, we shall attend this council and morrison perelle Kind of look at you guys and you're like We're gonna go back in the bag actually that's cool with you Just gonna hop in that bag real quick Just gonna hop in the bag real quick if you could just open the bag real quick so we can hop in it Tuck open the bag Hop in the bag real quick He folds it up and he puts it in his little backpack And all you can see stonai especially sees you do that See like this magic bag with these two dudes climbing a newton's like spits on the ground And then tuck Uh, oh so spits on the ground Oh, he's boy He's boiling already He fucking hates tucks so much He he takes like a he does a deep like Breath out of his nose and like salt spray comes out like a fucking walrus Tuck does it too in a bunch of snarkers And then tuck wiggles his eyebrows and stonai He turns away.

Do I know you? Have we met? You look so familiar I swear to god Are you do you have you ever spent time in mukkaw? His face is beat red. He's so mad Uh and grimshay holds up his hand and is like stonai You will comport yourself as a member of this council or you will take leave of it Oh stonai Cool I love your thing, dude. Well, you were so good when you were a whale Enough We are here to discuss the matter of this gesh All right, are you gonna remove it or not? Just do your thing Why should we?

Because you want us for the crimes that my family did to your people And for returning to your island breaking the sacred oath you wanted me to rid you of The darkness that is the ranger king the man that was known as a ranger king Well, that was no man.

That was the gibbous man a god you expect to come to this council and spin tales and yarns That is how you think you will get out of this ancient oath that you have sworn The deal was blood for blood his or yours This was no talk of blood in the oath Was to kill the man known as the ranger king Your oath was broken when you made it. He was no man This is the ranger king Oh fucking Good line, dude.

That's That's a tuxet You chose the high five stone eye So he accidentally high five time No, I didn't do that You tricked me you fuck You tried to high five stone eye and from his cross arm pose you hear a bunch of joints pop It's his whole body dances up Try not to beat me up Uh, you're gonna have to roll some stuff. Yeah, okay, but this is a good angle to take Oh, yeah. Okay. What's the what's the role here?

So that is gonna be a defy danger charisma great Come on bone dies Uh eight okay seven to nine Stone eye is fumean as always you can see like steam rising off his body Uh, the seawater is like basically boiling in contact with his skin at this point But hidara man eater especially Is like bearing his teeth.

He's furious that you'd even suggest that you can get out of this Uh, but grim she holds up a hand to the rest of the council as they bristle Well, we'll hear what you say, but just know That if we are not convinced on both your heads be it I agree He looks at tuck and he looks at billy I think tuck tuck is gonna let this play out and if it goes wrong, he's just gonna kill everybody That's his part. That's okay.

He's thinking that exact The party's already doing that thing where they kind of subtly spread out a little bit just in case totally Can I share Dick d'athaniel's memory Yeah, I think you could probably find a way to do that Well, I'll just hand over my ring dick grim. Shay. He holds it in his hand. Yeah, put it on to see This is not a fairy trick Billy just smiles at him He rolls his eyes a little bit puts it on his finger Can we give the other one to stonai?

Stonai will not accept I will tell you that much you you hold out your hand to stonai and he crosses his his crosses his arms even harder And yeah tucks like are your fingers as big as mine. Could you wear my ring? Are they littler? Push me no further. Okay, dude Some people have small hands, but your hands are really small.

You could just wear mine I'm so I I I feel as I feel stonai's frustration Because he no no because it's interesting because I it my instinct is like he leaves, but he can't leave Yeah, he doesn't want to lose face in front of the council. Yeah, and he also can't just hate you, but he really wants to Who else will take this ring who among you? Will soften even a little to see the truth who will take the dare along with grim Shay? Oh, yeah, I like that tuck goes.

Yeah, who's brave enough to know the truth? Oh the truth of what the world is now Neringue and oh She she moves forward and then tuck us wait. I'm not done and what it will become Nary if you don't Takes another step.

All right learn the truth She steps for the veil has been upon your eyes your heavy brow for eye on these neon eye on I and an eye on these many eons Look to the sky tucks says or it shall be revealed The veil and you look you shall be lifted you look to the sky and see a wall of dense gray fog exactly for now The veil has been pulled upon your eyes Allow us to remove it And naryne leader of the silent step clade with her graceful antlers Places the ring on her finger We show them what we saw in the blood that day So I feel like it's a series of flashbacks.

Yeah, maybe we get even Somehow, maybe it's Vang's contemplation. Maybe it's his bias. Maybe it's the druidic knowledge Maybe it's the tree itself having observed these events. Oh, right? We see yes We see slightly more than we did that day. Oh, yes. Yes Like what let's hear it.

No, you guys are gonna tell me But i'm trusting you uh-huh not to just blow the whole thing So if we have any revelations keep them reasonable Don't be like the gibbous man pulls off his mask and it's chimes or some shit. You know what i mean?

Well, don't say cool stuff like that and then Just just for real if Sean did that you would be so mad You would be so mad I thought chit chimes is like cool like our dad Our dad Okay, so what we do see Paul the first memory is dithaniel and iliana standing under the tree her in the oburn Robes of the gardener and him in his uniform and them unifying in their love and their common goal Hell yeah, and they're talking about how to save the tree of knowledge And we cut forward to The then we see like the him getting like a decree from the court Someone within the court soured everyone on iliana and like dithaniel getting an order to kill her right and vang And then instead of killing that Her like secreting them through the woods to get them out of there right yeah, and it's like you can see He personally shepherds them out of the forest like it's a very difficult goodbye yeah Jessica I guess like the thing that they see is like when dithaniel does Kill iliana.

They see it wasn't intentional Yeah, and we see a moment that we didn't see in the gibbous man's revelation of dithaniel like Holding iliana in her human form and them locking eyes with the understanding That this was not how it was supposed to go And we see like dithaniel trying to kill himself after that on the beach Yeah walking towards the the druids with just yet shot kill shot kill stone i hurling the rock from the backlines What's the last thing that we see?

Uh, we see the deal that he made yeah, I was gonna say the deal but like some moment of that deal. Yeah, oh right because yeah that is He basically just said that the gibbous man though.

He did not know who it was offered him Information that would allow him to further his goals or so he thought which is what led him beneath the tree and maybe in this vision like because it's like Mediated like through ving spiritual connection We see the true form of the gibbous man not the thing he was like disguising himself as well Is the black hole yeah like the shattered aspect of night that he appears as when ving can like see him In a way where he's not being affected by the disguise.

Mm-hmm. Is it like a shattered black hole and then from it Are these like almost like broken glass that comes out like darkness and then like tendrils of like almost like Missed that flows out. Yes. Yeah, like the night a hundred percent all of a light a spidery. Yes. Yes I love that.

I like that also like all the light that he does soak in in his true aspect comes out like webs Yes, yeah white tendrils and black So cool off gassing of the what do they ever they call that in a black hole the radiation they come like things are still coming out of the hawking radiation The hawking radiation I always forget your scientists Yeah, and it's like the webs like they stretch with him wherever he goes. Oh, yeah I love that.

Yeah, his face is almost like a shattered piece of glass There's times when the light catches it and it's got like a million eyes Yeah, yeah, and each of the eyes has a projection out to somewhere in the world like and they all blink at once. Yeah Yeah And I think upon seeing that true aspect of the gibbous man for a moment like grimshay and Noreen Gasp. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

And his head bows And then as it comes up like underneath a ranger's cap And he's like in the middle of a court somewhere Oh What to do? Oh Orchestrating all the stuff as him in disguises dithaniel.

Yeah, and then you see dithaniel like under the tree getting absolutely Mm-hmm milked by the This is what tux says And he was getting absolutely milked by that trick and I think that's the last vision that we see They had been sucking my dad dry for 150 years Yeah And so it was that dithaniel was sucked so dry and his taint went all over the place Everywhere And we are back in the real world as grimshay noreen take the rig grimshay takes his ring off very quickly To kind of almost tosses it back like is it scared and noreen seems far away As she slowly removes hers and holds it out Give it a billy give it a duck and grimshay looks at dithaniel And dithaniel has he again looks like he is about to collapse under the weight of his own body But he's really doing it like a good yeah You can see if you're close to him you can see that he's like shaking with the effort of standing upright.

Mm-hmm and dithaniel Looks at grimshay and though he wasn't wearing a ring it's clear what he's been shown And he says It's all true Though I didn't mean to I struck the blow that felled illiana If you must kill me for that At least let my son go And the grimshay is silent I think it like it's clear to you that he is shaken by having seen the gibbous man's true form And billy walks up to him and beckons him to come down He kneels Do you remember the story of spider?

Of course Do you all remember?

And the members of the council nod The gibbous man is spider But I don't know what it is And the stars up in the sky that we used to read he covered them The storms That cut you off from the rest of the world those are because of him The wells of run dry the knowledge tree that's poison that you heard of that's the spider You think that dithaniel is the root of your problem But the gibbous man is the one who started it all And If you care for your stories and your stars and for the spirits and the fairies who live on this land You'll let us do what we need to do And actually I think stonai at this point has an outburst steps forward because you cannot be Considering the scrimshay They have not completed the gesh.

They will not complete the gesh Blood demands blood or have you forgotten our ways? So tuck wants to use his new move deathless When stonai has that outburst yeah new move you have been cursed with four knowledge And your path through the realms. Oh god. We got to write this better Uh excuse me. I wrote this no I augmented it.

They made it absolutely I was wondering why it seemed weirder than the one that I wrote but You You must do a standing 69 in order to get a plus one forward against your enemy definitely wrote that This one is a duel.

Okay Uh you've been cursed with four knowledge and your path through the realms of the yet to be has been Illuminated you know your end and this knowledge echoes back through time your enemies can see death on you When you enter a fight knowing your death will not come roll plus wisdom on a hit Your foes are dismayed take plus one on going against them until the fight is over On a 10 plus your surety in your destination makes something about the now more clear Ask a question from the discern reality's writ list right now.

So this is the one this uses wisdom Yeah, I guess All right, someone give me some good die Jessica. Oh, yeah Some of your fucking Blessed die. Okay. So the the thing that this is is like tuck is basically Scariar because he knows that he can't die in this situation. Yeah, so he's trying to tell stonor at a back fuck off Okay, that's 10 Yeah Five out of six and i have a digger wood Okay So you get in stonized face and tell him to fuck off.

Yeah Uh, and he just you know that thing that like bros do at bars where one of them gets mad And the other they just get really close now like they try and like they're square off like dogs Yeah totally So that's what tuck does he like gets in really close to stonai and he goes back the fuck off uh and stonai he You can tell that he is quote unquote dismayed in the fact that he doesn't back down, but he doesn't take a swing Like he's he's he's dogging you back basically.

Yeah, like you're just kind of pressed against each other Go on. No, you you fuck off You get away from me shut the fuck up dude. Fuck you Uh, and you get a question from the discern reality list. Oh, hell yeah Feel like I want to know what here is now what it appears to be You can tell by looking into his Cold Tied worn stone eyes. Mm-hmm that no matter what the council decides He's coming for you.

Oh You've made an enemy For life awesome, but you have cowed him and grim shay and the rest of the council can continue the conversation. Yeah, seek out him Oh, he's fucking boiling even more now. I'm not a seek out manila Okay, so Where we talking about the parlay here is we will take down the gibbous man But you have to give us more time. Yeah, we are willing to uphold our end of the gash.

You're broken oath The gibbous man is the man known as the ranger king and his blood if he bleeds will be spilt We need more time That is our oath That was a great line man. That was fucking sick ass line. All right 2d6 plus charisma for the parlay 11 Whoa, nice. So on a 10 plus on a parlay.

I believe they accept your promise Grimshay listens to this oath this promise this offer and says we need just a moment to confer And turns back to the council and at this consideration that the gash might be broken stone eye at this point pushes tuck away from him Turns to the edge of the cliff and dives off Whoa, and you hear him splash into the sea far below what a little baby.

Yeah, what a gigantic baby loser bitch And if you just want to like basically wait, they just need they go off to the side and they speak amongst themselves So we see like time pass like billy's flicking rocks Tuck is just I don't know whiz and off the side About an hour passes Oh Snacks yeah, no snacks. I've grown old. Do you want girl? No, I'm just trying to make them feel bad This is the way you treat a fairy.

I say that And actually the willows daughter velari with like the long like willow strands in her hair actually fearfully looks over her shoulder when she hears that Consider that lady. It's like it's a good point. Somebody gave him some food And then grim shay returns to you and by returns. I mean walks 12 feet It says word reached the council through the knowledge trees Of what happened in heartwood the destruction of the old tree Was that the gibbous man's lies or was that the truth?

That was true unnecessary truth The gibbous man poisoned the old tree. We needed to plant a new one We accept your promise but we need assurances You have sworn a guess to us before We will not ask you to do it again But how do we know that you will in fact complete your quest?

You don't I mean we could pinky promise and there's like like a murmur goes through the council You would have me swear a promise to you fairy Well, yes, then we would both know And you can see he takes a steadying breath And that his his eyes resolve and he kneels down reverently in front of you And he extends his both of his hands in front of him I will swear You will swear that while we hunt the gibbous man you do not harm ving or dothaniel That no one from Hyberonia harms them And you swear that you will complete your quest and free the people of Hyberonia from their isolation I swear And he extends his pinky And shakes And here on the council stone in Hyberonia this most ancient of places That pinky promise can be felt in the air around you Ving gets a new rune Cool.

Yeah a new scarf It's like you know in pyres of the caribbean when like the coin drops in the ocean and that Yeah, that's what the promises. Yeah. Yeah, if we the camera It can be is seen across the island like across the island fairies are seen to emerge from their hiding places Yeah, an oath And the pete like the druids of Hyberonia raised their heads to the sky It tuckers tuckers like sarsa somewhere around here. What's she still here?

Is she still here on this isolated island that no one leaves or goes to Is it yeah, she I gave her a thing when I left. Oh, yeah. No, she's actually gone. She she went to College Okay, wait, yeah, she's going to grad school. She said to say hi if she saw you again Okay, the promise is sworn I want to go to the beach And we can we can follow the crew walking through Hyberonia through the village Down the trails to the beach. I mean if that's okay with you guys. I just want to go real quick Okay.

Yeah, we can go to the beach billi. It's fine. Yeah, I love going to the beach And as you walk through the village Things going to get some more Hyberonia water. I use it a lot. Oh Yeah, so I get uses three three.

Yeah, thank you say three nice Um and heads turn as they said Stories of your deeds have reached this island and they are watching you pass And it's weird for you guys because they are watching you pass like heroes Yeah, billi and billi is not really taking he's veering off the trail a lot He's like walking through bushes and stuff like that because he's saying he's greeting Berries. Yeah Like all the fairies that like got disturbed. Yeah, is it berry here? Yeah berry somewhere.

Oh, yeah Berry is watching from a bush in the forest like I'm gonna get them again And you reach the beach where the sun runner Docked all those months ago all those weeks ago. Yeah Um If you don't mind, I'm just gonna step away for just a second Are you going back to your little cave? Yeah, but I don't want you to know where it is where what is my Nowhere Okay We don't we don't really know what any where can oh what billi ving what's over there?

Oh, why that is a california maple And as tucking ving look away, we see billi start patting off Yeah, he's scrambling over all the logs and stones. Yeah, we turn around and just watch him to make sure he's fine Don't look at me We're not staring right at you carrying fins backpack as I All his back.

Yeah, it's full of buns Yeah And we find ourselves in a tiny little cave by the sea Yeah, so billi shut like has to push the suitcase in and then he squeezes himself into the opening and no one's been in here Thank goodness While he's in there though, because he's like i'm suspicious.

I don't like the way that all the villagers looked at me So he makes a little fairy ring With his buns So fairy ring is one of the changelings new moves that allows billi to create fairy rings Roll plus dexterity and on a 7 to 9 the ring is unpassable but requires constant attention And on a 10 plus it will last until sunrise without worry So get roll 2d6 Got nine okay, so your your ring sprouts to life. What does it look like?

Well billi tried to make it with buns, but he's like oh, that doesn't really work because they don't do anything They don't hold on the buns springs up. So it's more like beach lichen that sprouts up and moss yeah and Puffs up like wherever he's running around so he does that a couple times And he steps into this circle and pulls out the buns and then rips them apart and takes some of the pine cones out Oh Under his little stack of things. Uh-huh.

Do we get to know what these pine cones are about? Yes, sure Um, they are some of the oldest stories Right because these came off the knowledge tree. Mm-hmm. So they actually are like Old books And he thinks these ones shouldn't have been there These are for the fairies only So he stole them for a reason, but maybe didn't know but also did know Yeah, I just think it's cool if fairies have their own stories. Oh, huh? Okay, so one of them is the story of the first trade Um, so cool.

Yeah, that is very good. Yeah, I hope it goes well Um, it didn't I know All right dragons. Here's my idea It It was the first trade between a fairy and a person and the fairy lost out on that trade Oh Yeah, it's sort of like a moral lesson. Like why not to trust humans? Like you you always need collateral or whatever Cool That's very cool And then Oh, okay.

So another one is related to the spider and the hummingbird It's the last half of that story that like we didn't talk about really So after spider wrapped up hummingbird um and Like the reason hummingbird died is because hummingbird always has to be in flight to live Because it removed it's the core nature of her.

Yeah, so it kills her because she is a spiritual entity Um, and so like the eyes took her legs and walked away But what spider didn't notice was like a feather dropped off of her and that was like the fairy Whoa So I guess and then billy Makes his mark or whatever and then emerges from his cave Puts the little stone back on the hole that hides the entrance And tuck and vanger just looking at a tree Yeah, I think it's like the sun's set now Yeah, is I in there a while you were in there for a what likes it A little locals came out onto the beach.

They started a fire. They started roasting a giant fish Wow smells like shit. Oh my god. Who was that? Whoa. Oh, no, that one's just a fish Don't worry. That's a normal fish. I asked him. Thank god Sorry, it took so long. I didn't really realize I was in there forever in where What do you mean having a poo is where I was Whoa, that must have been an awesome poo to take so long take five hours So I think grimshay actually asks what will you do now?

We could also take a bit of time and spend the night here if we Yeah, maybe gales like I'm tired Oh, you guys want to just fly fly fly So boring they gave me a huge fish Yeah, get you you all fed on fish. I can fly You all can't you all come back to the beach and gale is like like a bird like choking back a huge fish. Oh my god Can we stay here tonight? Yes, okay. Yeah, we can stay here gale great And she sits down on the ground and tucks her head anywhere wings cute Anybody want to get in here?

It's nice and cozy stop looking Just like old times huh stop talking so loud everybody can understand you now Because of being stupid then all well, they're all doing You guys alone stop that stop doing that everybody stop doing this And there's just there is like a little People are trying to engage with you, but not like to make it weird. They bring you food. They bring you drink They welcome you to the fire. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, I could join them Yeah, and there are a number of druids young and old sitting around a fire and they're all like staring wide-eyed at Billy So there's something on my face. Ha ha no you're a look tote you're like totally fine to us. Don't worry um uh Do you need anything? I've actually been I've actually been trying to um to pass my to pass my My master's a test and I was wondering if you could maybe bless my test or there's any sort of boon that you could offer me um Billy's like What?

Oh, I understand. I'm sorry. I asked too much. I asked too much here Please please and he's handing you like fried bread here here Well now I kind of don't want it now. I feel like you're just giving me the bread to get a favor No, no, no, no, no, never never hear any hands you like a cup of cream please I don't know how cream. Oh, I'm so sorry Uh forgive me please forgive me. What can I do thing? They're trying to get me drunk Do not give him cream. I give our kid cream. What are you doing?

I'm sorry. I do have any kids You like me to give them tequila? No, I don't think so. I don't know what to Carla is How old is this this drew 1718? Oh, you're just a small baby Oh, huh. Yes. I am just a foolish child. I would I never I'd never meant to offend you. I'm so sorry He reminds me of mirrors. Oh, yeah, what's your name? Cheers It's Leah. It's Leah. It's Liam. Liam. Yeah, bless your test. Whatever. Oh, thank you so much And then and Billy doesn't know what he's doing.

He's just like uh Some of marble Yeah Takes his jar out and he's like, I mean, these are the most important things in the world to me We're like both of us like whoa You give it away a marble and here Liam. Sheikily extends his hand You get a marble He actually feels answers flooding his brain He holds it up to the fire and it's glinting off the smooth glass If you get a lot of those you can go to an all you can eat breakfast buffet It's all day breakfast is not all you can eat. Huh?

Thank you so much You're welcome And he gets up from the fire and he rushes away excitedly with his marble And yeah, you were able to mingle as you so choose if there's anything that you that you want to accomplish here in high bernia Billy starts handing out his marbles and inviting people to the breakfast buffet Whoa, and you're invited and you're invited to come Everyone that gets a marble is like oh Vig and I are like wow he's sharing really well today like Billy you're doing great.

It's really great giveaways Also, do I get more marbles for sharing? I mean no We'll find a way. We'll find a way. We'll find a way. You're gonna get some marbles for sharing. Yes Yes more marbles more marbles and victor has Victor's not gonna give up those marbles Oh trying to take victors marbles away unwillingly. Yeah, he bit techs our one time Just came out of victors room bleeding. He's like yeah, I tried touch one of his marbles I wouldn't go in there for a little bit. He's really mad.

I locked the door. He's pretty mad I don't know what a hackle is, but i'm pretty sure they're up uh Vingarra is telling stories of the adventure and of the flying squirrels around the fire and casting Shapes and shadows with the fire. Oh Like little theater bits.

Yeah Very cool Tuck is like in front of like a bunch of kids And like showing them tlc and then just like being like and then I smashed the coin and then the gibbous man was there Look at his chest Oh, yeah, and he's like he's doing the thing where he's like all right anyone that beats me I'll give you free free. I'll give you coins or whatever Or fuck what i'll give you.

Yeah marbles or whatever and then he's like fake arm wrestling with all the kids and just being like But every once in a while the kids got a look in his eye and tucks like I got a show my left teacher a lesson BIRF! You suck it! Suck in named Jason Get out of here Jason Tell your mom I said hi Kim billy uh run off with lem and his friends for a bit who are also very nice and he wants to tell them like fun stories about the land Yes, absolutely cool.

You've gathered like Leums definitely the oldest of these kids you've gathered a bunch of like eight to like, you know 14-year-olds who are just mystified by you Yeah, I show them like the cool runes on the cliff side Yeah and I show them like little bushes and like Rocks and just like garbage and stuff like that in a seashell and i'm like these are all the fairies like these are their names Whoa And billy might not realize this but decades from now these kids will tell their Children about the night they learned from a fairy.

Yeah On the beaches of viburnia Ving notices uh He looks around and the thing was down the beach on a like a little point by some giant rocks And uh, oh shit. This is where it happened. Yeah. Oh, he sees that and he uh just like I can't Leaves leave. I'll be right back guys and just wants to walk down there And um, doesn't really know he doesn't have field Doesn't feel close, but he feels something. There's a weird moment as you're standing there.

He's he's gripping his walking stick I had the opportunity to make it right And I let you save me Bing puts his hand on his shoulder Says I forgive you I hope you have forgive me And you just stand there a while looking at the water And I think that's where we're gonna end it for this week I'm your game master shano harry joining me as always playing tachoma dome the barbarian of dual disease so long playing ving the half elf druid paul operas take care playing fat billy the halfling thief jesketai Bye everyone.

Thank you to erin reed for our intro and outro music if you would like to hear more of erin's original music under the name a cr I believe Uh, you can find him at erin reed.bancamp.com And if you want to hear all the music that he's produced for the show written by abdul and occasionally myself You can find that at soundcloud.com Uh, thank you to all of our supporters around the world without you We wouldn't be able to do this show If you would like to support spelt lore and get access to a whole bunch of cool bonus content You can find us at patreon.com Spelt lore or spelt lore calm slash money, please including, uh The newer tier the piss monster With a slot still available.

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So if you want to learn more about those patreon.com Or spelt lore or spelt lore calm slash money, please The spelt lore community discord is also available We've got patreon specific channels for streams and whatnot But it is available to all any and all lovers of spelt lore so you can find that linked on our social media I believe on our website and on our website. Yeah, so come join us there. Hang out It's worth it for the fan art alone The fan art is beautiful.

The community is so wonderful And we would love for you to be a part of it And thank you most of all to all of you for listening. We'll see you next time And so ends the tale of adventures They can The dumb and scared and lost they be For times abreast in revelry And though our journey may be lying a conclusion We will not leave you without resolution Turn next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores And for you I gladly spelt lore

Hi everyone, it's Fat Billie here. Thanks for coming. Listen to our podcast. If you want more podcasts, you can go patreon.com slash Spote Lore, where you can give us some money. And I like money so I can buy snacks. Now the round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold. A brooch to draw it and a thief who is but not years old. You know them by name, you know them by deed. Their quests are famously daring. So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is with sharing.

Tuck is the brute, you know it's not as lonely as to sing and find. Fingers have healthy, shifts his shape and wields his fear with great mind. Billie's a thief is tiny sized, his master's large his heart. Best in rest, they may not be but their friendship outweighs their smarts. So gather round friends and listen close. For the tales about this. Hello everybody. Oh shit. I saw you losing control of the pause and play function. It was great. Hello everybody and welcome to Spote Lore.

I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara joining me is always playing Tacoma Dome the barbarian of doo la zee's morning everyone. Okay. Oh what's what I think I got to go first. Sorry do that again. All right, playing Tacoma Dome the barbarian of doo la zee's. Hello. Playing Ving the half elf druid Paul Oppers. Hi everybody. And playing fat Billy the half length Eve Jessica tie. Hi everyone. Why really expected one of you to interrupt one of the other people that was.

I was doing the comedy math on it and I was like I don't think any of it actually leads to a bigger laugh than we already got. That shows incredible restraint. Thanks. I'm going to talk right before. And we're back. Oh that's why you were like I'll get here at 8 30 you guys get here at nine. Yeah. Wow. Don't check the camera in the studio. Sean there's so many warnings on your phone. We're getting hella alerts. I'm just getting movement alert movement alert. It's happening in the corner.

Oh it started again. Even last we left our heroes. They coursed through the skies like the mighty ego on the back of Gail. Underbanned. What a crazy way to say that word. That's fun. Yeah. I made me think of the word she go to this. Oh on the back of the mighty she go. Gail. In the fanny pack tuck and Billy and the rest of the party relaxed gently playing a game of sorry in which Barry was tricked into confessing all of his sins in exchange for marbles on the back of Gail.

Ving gripped on for dear life as she approached near supersonic speeds and heard tell of how the battle against throne breaker king of the Thunderbirds was going. The answer not great. We then arrived at the island of Ibernia. I thought we were going to have a shot a calm little. We arrive at the beach and we slowly approach the council showing our deference in preparation for this tense negotiation. But no, Gail came in hot like Robert Downey Jr. she arrived with ACDC playing in the background.

Superhero landing right on the stone. The oval council approached demanding to know what Ving was doing here. And he said get ready for this. And then he dumped all his friends out of a bag on the ground and his dad and his old infirm dad. The negotiations began. This is death annual. He was the ranger king, but at the time of the guest's swearing was not the man that you thought was the ranger king was in fact a god and not a man at all. So your guess was broken the day it was sworn. So sick.

So sick. Great idea. The one person that seemed the most unhappy to see you was of course stone eye king of the Selkies who still hates tuck a lot. Tuck eventually got so not a back off using the truthless is new move deathless after being shown the reality of Dithaniels killing of Iliana his history with Iliana and his betrayal by the agents of the Givis man as well as the true aspect of the Givis man truly unsettling even as you guys were describing it. You'll notice I had no part in that.

Like a man made of shattered glass and the glass made of eyes with darkness mist and threads of light all spreading out from it. Being shown that and being told by Billy that that is the thing that has led you to this current state isolated alone cut off from your ways an empty shell of what you used to be. And if you spare Dithaniel and Ving and let us go kill the Givis man we can put all this right.

Grimshay agreed to swear an oath with Billy that if you guys pursued the Givis man while you pursued the Givis man they would leave Dithaniel and Ving alone and Grimshay in return got Billy to swear that you would in fact destroy the Givis man and free everyone. Then you went down to the beach and spent some time regaling the people of Hibernia who were treating you as near legends with tales of your adventures.

Billy blessed the exams of a young man named Liam with a marble and became a sort of seeing stone into. Yeah. Gave out blessings to all of the people at this party in the form of all of the marbles from his jar before realizing that he wasn't getting those back. Those are going to become family heirlooms that get passed down. Oh yeah. Those are going to be mounted in things. Oh yeah. Yeah. On staffs and tools and stuff. We bought those at a fucking dollar store. Tuck in.

Tuck found them at a bazaar. What is that store that's like? Yeah. One coin. Oh, a general store. Oh, a coin. We bought them at a general store. You can always find marbles in general store. Oh yeah. One coin. They're impulse by the counter for kids. Exactly. And it's always like Billy's like can we get more? I will work harder to be good if you get more.

Tuck told his stories and showed off feats of strength and explained the origins of his magic acts while Ving told stories of the beasts of the land using his powers to create fantastical images in the fire and smoke. And they evening ended with a beautiful night's sleep under the the pallet gray fog of Hybernia. I forgot. I'm so sorry. I'm a beach fire at night on Hybernia. It's got to be the most dismal and depressing thing. It just adds to the fog.

So everyone's just like, hey, Dan, where are you? Can't see you. I'm going to fire in the fog. The fire smoke just goes everywhere. Yeah. It's just everything smells like smoke now. So we just kind of passed out by the fire. Yeah, exactly. You just disphyxiated next to a campfire. And that is where we individually crawled back to the turn. Yeah. And that is where we find our heroes now or rather where we find them is in the fanny pack.

I like to think that we're in the entrance like where we used to camp out. Yeah. Oh, yeah. In the like servants quarters. Yeah, you're all like we just didn't make it further. Yeah. You want to wake mom and dad. Yeah, exactly. But then you are woken by mom and dad or rather one of them. I mean, it's Parell is Parell mom or dad who can say. How's mom? Yeah. And you get kicked in the side a little bit, tuck. Hey, Savannah. Hey. Whoa. Hey, whoa. Hey, what's your stuff, buddy?

Hey, what's your stuff? Oh, no. What June? Come on, fans. Someone do a calendar of the women of spell. Please. Whoa. Hey, please. I haven't heard that voice in a long time. Talk quick. Uh, please. Do you count your place? Somebody, please. Somebody to fan or do the women spell. Oh, no. Are you okay? Tuck. What? Get everybody up. We got to talk and I wake up and Parell is wearing like fuzzy slippers and he's holding a skillet. Like huge skillet of like eggs.

Like you remember those skillets from Arrested Development that like buckled the table? Oh, just like a huge cast iron skillet. That's like a tray. Whoa. I know Parell was so strong. If you look underneath the pages, pages croached out underneath, it's shaking. You just hear, it's all the pages ruffled together. Get up. And he turns and goes back into the Fanny Pack proper. And then I wake up, I shake Billy awake. I was gone. Who did it? I'm like Billy Parell made his, he made a big breakfast.

Oh, oh boy. Where is it? He took it. He took it into the other room. Hurry up. We don't want to miss out. Okay. Let's go. And then I wake big up. Billy spit it out. What? Big. What time is it? What's wrong with your voice? Are you okay? Sorry, I can't remember. Is it my voice? Am I okay? Parell made breakfast and Billy is freaking out. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Did you check his hands for visible, visible poop? Oh, no. I'm going to hear from like the dining area. Parell, Yelly, you soap. You soap Billy.

Wash your hands. It's a little poop. Visible poop. Ding, ding, ding. Billy's already put his hands in. And I imagine we cut forward to sort of the study, the observatory area of the Fanny Pack. And it's got the vibe of like the first talk at a business conference where people are like getting stuff from the buffet table. It's like, you know, pouring coffee, getting cereal out of the little like twisty gumball machine style thing in a hotel. There's Parell has like opened up a bunch of pages.

So like there's other people milling about. Yeah, exactly. There's like waiting staff bringing you stuff. Their chairs set out around the lectern that was set up when Morris first arrived. And Parell is standing there checking some notes. All right. Everybody. Is it like your birthday or something? Like what's going on? We just, I think that a lot has happened over the last little while and what we could really use is a restating of the stakes. Amen. Brother. Okay, everybody gets it.

You, everyone's got some food. Everyone's got something to drink. Yeah. Tucker has one of those like buffet plates that is piled too high with all of the stuff you didn't want. He's like, I'll get all this stuff and then I'll go back for the thing I do. This is a classic buffet technique. You fill up on the stuff you hate. Yeah. Nobody else do that. I do. I'm sure save my favorite thing for the end. Yeah. We'll enjoy it. The least. You've got all the stuff you don't like first. Yeah.

You've got a buffet. The less fun stuff. So like, well, actually I do have like a bit of my favorite. I always make sure. Yeah. And then I have like my salad and the good stuff. You looked around like, is that okay? Yeah. But we're described like the Paul and Jessica, you're describing like classic buffet. Do you have some soup? You have some salad and then you have a bunch of stuff. No, no, no. I'm saying you eat the like, I don't really like chicken parmesan. So I'll eat. I'll take it first.

Get out of the way. You have to eat one of every. You've got to eat one of every. What if it surprises you and it's really good, you know? I guess. Yeah. Oh, if I hadn't eaten something I didn't like, I wouldn't know. And also you don't get the value of the buffet unless you eat one of every. Yeah. You have to get so much of the proteins. To get the value of the buffet, you have to devalue yourself. There's a direct. You got to make yourself a garbage can. Yeah.

I'm trying to think that I'm wrong for only eating the stuff that I like it a buffet. But what if the stuff you like is undervalued, you know? Like what if you really like cereal? It's like, no, no, cereal is cheap. Like you got to eat the expensive stuff. Yeah, that's what it looks like. Yes. I feel like I'm going crazy. This is the conversation that's happening at the buffet table. We're telling Boris what our logic is. No, but I like roast beef. So I just go for the roast beef.

Yeah, but you could have that any time. Why not throw some prawns on there too? I don't like prawns. Yeah, they look like shit, dude. Doesn't matter. We're not talking about what we like. We're talking about maximizing the buffet. OK, OK. And Boris starts banging his fist on the lectern. Buffets are not about what you like. They're just about how much you eat. Mm-hmm. It's about how much you can do to yourself. Yeah. Buffets French for self-loathing.

Boris shakes his head like, I've been so blind. Can't believe how wrong I've been. He starts grabbing prawns off the table. He's truly terrible. Text plate is just Danishes and prawns. Danishes and prawns. Billy soaps sexy loves the Danishes. He's like, wow, take them all, don't you? All right, all right, everybody. So here we are at renaming the steaks and eggs. Yeah. We're here to talk about what's been going on and figure out our plan moving forward.

And he reaches down and he picks up a book from underneath the lectern that's like a big atlas. Like it's really wide and really, you know, like when you look at an Alice and you're like, that's too big. And he kind of tosses it out in front of him in the air, in front of the chairs. And before it hits the ground, it begins to unfold. Oh. And it becomes sort of like a 10 by four table.

And you hear like, as pages start folding and form what you would recognize from the scant maps that you've seen as a 3D relief image of the Eastern continent. Whoa. Wow. Thank you. I did try to show. Thank you so much. I found it on a bookshelf. Can I spell lore on the world? What do you mean? I don't know. I've never seen a map of the whole world. If you're going to spell lore, it needs to be about a specific thing that you want to know. It's about like the Eastern continent.

About the Eastern continent. You want that you opened up on? Do you want to do that one? I don't know. It's just the thing that he opened it up to. I'm just wondering what you guys are trying to learn from this. I want to know about what the world is. That's stop. Hold on. Don't pour them right on the. Oh, my God. I just need to know if you're trying to answer a specific question because that's what's about lore is for. No, but I kind of just want you to describe the shape of the world.

Can I roll to understand the shape of the world? You can look with your eyeballs to see the shape of the world. Like is there a mountain range that we're looking at? I mean, it's an entire continent. Oh, yeah. There's lots of stuff. Well, at least like the continent is we have seen it. Like you can see down at the southern quote, unquote, bottom part of the table.

The principalities start below the great forest with a mountain range and like a bay on either side that sort of become this large diamond shape almost. Where mud like is there's like a little hot dog. It's a little hot dog, a little frog. There's just always there. Frog eating hot dog and he looks up. He's like, whoa. He's like, whoa. Some of them are shitting. Oh, my God. So Parell show he points like far up the northern coast.

He points to a little paper bay and goes two months ago, we were here at the tower of Adernac, all water, attempting to recover my magic with the help of you, my dear friends. While in that tower, we got my magic back, found my dear lover, Morris Wedge. Bows and goes, hello there. And OK. No one else is happy. I'm laughing more at Billy's clapping and then Ving and Tucker like, don't call me lover in front of Billy. What are you doing? Is that not OK? No, it's feels overly sexual.

You get to love somebody with a I see what conversation is bringing up. We also discovered a casket made of ice in a pillar above a magically potent source of water, containing at the very bottom, a piece of Lillian's moon. That casket was broken from the inside out, footprints leading out of the tower or out of the room, presumably into the tower and into the world. And that was probably Adernac, right? That was in that everybody nods. We think so. It would be surprising if it wasn't.

Oh, and when he pointed at the bay, you can see like little billows, like there's some smoke coming out of like sheer city and stuff. I feel like the map is a little bit dynamic. Oh, totally. Yeah. Oh, there's a little paper waves. Oh, yeah. I think it'd be really cool if the Atlas opened up to like what the world looks like right now, but you can flip back through the years. OK, so I forgot. I actually did have a thought about this. OK.

Because Morris made this place like 100 years ago, that Atlas might actually kind of be dated. Oh, I like that too. Oh, OK. That's fine. Which you do notice because above the principalities, it says like the kingdom of Kynos. And there's no like you can see the island chain that Hibernia is in. It's not covered by the gray. Oh, like that stuff just hasn't happened yet. OK, the great forests are way vast, way more vast. Exactly. Yeah, the bone fields or whatever don't exist.

Like there isn't as many dead parts of the wood. Is the but the Sea of Graves is there like you can see like little pillars like between the continent, the Macaul the Western and the Eastern continent. Yes. Yeah, the Sea of Graves is really old. Yeah. The Sea of Graves is of yeah, mysterious age. People just are always aware that it existed. And yeah, I like that he points at the atternacol waters tower and the papers go like and like zoom in a little bit on that region. Cool.

Yeah, as everything reforms. Cause so sick. Man, he's so good at origami. Again, the book is doing it. I am not doing this. And then from the tower, we traveled and the pages go following his finger across the tundra. Is it the kind of thing where it's like forming like a path where we went? Yeah, you can see like the pages like dog hearing to make like footprints as it travels across the land. And there's like little, you know, paper caribou that run by and all that shit. Oh, nice.

From here, we were approached by quote, unquote, death annual, the ranger king who tasked his son, La Rangarvenga, with taking down the court of the wood by manipulating the runes in the heart tree in Hartwood city. A little death annual shows up and tucks, likes his lips. Yeah. A little paper. Dude, look at your dad. Dude, I'm looking at you, man. Look at you. Look at him. I don't hate it.

From there, we traveled to pages shift to the great forest where meeting with death annual and his talent, we entered the forest, hijinks ensued, and we destroyed the heart tree in Hartwood city. You see a little fin, like looking angry, a little boy eating shit or whatever. Oh, yeah. We also discovered beneath the tree, the body of the true death annual learning that the false death annual was perhaps almost likely. Absolutely was the gibbous man.

There's so much equivocation in that one statement. I have to make it clear. I was inside the bag for all of this stuff. And then we were betrayed by Wendy, met a fancy elf who has been mortally wounded and disappeared. A beaver got lost. A beaver cat got lost and is really mad at us. That's important too. Thank you. They like the idea that Peral is still assimilating a lot of the details. So you can't tell what's important. And we're like reminding us throughout.

So we're like, don't forget about the freak. A man is floating around somewhere above this map attached to a bunch of birds. That's not forget guys, as we come to some very important story plots. There's a little origami birds carrying it out. After this was destroyed, we met and fought the gibbous man and a bunch of freaky gross imps. Tuck got some rag from the gibbous man that he seems really attached to. You dude. I'm just saying you met and fought a God. And that was what you got from them.

Yeah. That's really on the rag right now. From here, we traveled to the island of Hibernia, zooms in on the island chain, where we are now, having spoke to the Oval Council and completed slash nullified slash transferred the gash from Ving to all of us. Oh, did we actually? What I did either way, what we do know is that now we have to pursue the gibbous man in exchange for Ving and Nathaniel's freedom. Correct? Yes. Okay. Thank you, everyone.

Pirel steeple his fingers on the lectern and looks at you all, which brings us to today and the next question. What do we do now? Can I have some more holiday sauce? There's unlimited holiday sauces for everybody. Thank you. Dude, he says this for everybody. There's only one little pot. It's, whoa, I'm kidding of that. I was saving my favorites for later. It's actually pretty gross, guys. Don't worry about it. I was saving my favorites for later as things good, things are disappearing.

Morris puts down his playing goes, I knew it. I knew there was a flaw in this system. Morris, I'm thinking you might be right. I'm never trusting any of you again when it comes to buffets. You see, Tuck like put the roast beef in his back. No fair, no fair. That's the second part of the buffet, Morris. You steal some of it for later. What? What do we do now? Well, it makes more holidays. I guess. And we can go back and get our actual favorites.

And then you hear tap, tap, tap coming from the hallway. Wait, look, Nathaniel has emerged from his room. He's holding on to his blackthorn staff. Looks like in the walk from his room to here, he has become unbelievably exhausted, but he looks at all of you. I think I might be able to help and cut forward a few minutes. So we don't have to watch Nathaniel walk all the way to the front. And you're gathering around. He's standing in front of the 3D paper relief of the Eastern continent.

I remembered something. While I was there under the tree, I was vaguely aware of the Gibbissman's perceptions. And while I can't tell you his whole plan, I can tell you that the war and he points to the to the principalities as the pages shift and move to focus on the place where all of this adventure started. Oh. And he looks at all of you, says there is a war down there, right? From what we've heard, yeah, the Prince Eps of the Firefield's principality started at something.

I think they they invaded one. What did my wife say when she stabbed me? So the the Prince Eps of the Firefields, which I think we actually said are two people. It's like brothers. Yeah. Have invaded, I think, the high spear principality. They're basically but like they're going to war against the other principalities, at least the closest ones. And when you say the the Prince Eps of the Firefield principalities, he snaps and points at you, says, yes, the firefields, the Prince Eps.

The Gibbissman needs that invasion to succeed. I don't know why, but I do know that if you wanted to stop or slow down the Gibbissman's plans, finding and stopping the Prince Eps of the Firefields would be a good place to start. Whoa. Did you remember anything else? A feeling even. Can I use about Lauren? This maybe? Yeah, totally. Or it's our discern reality. Yeah. Yeah. So 2d6 plus wisdom. Can we all discern a reality from? Yeah, depending on how many questions we get. Yeah. All right.

Does someone else want to do it? I have negative one wisdom. Negative one wisdom is pretty bad. Oh, I'll, I'll, I'll discern reality. It makes sense. He's your dad. Yeah. You could probably get him to do stuff. I can read him. I can guilt him into things. For Wow. I got five. I should have said guilty. OK, so on a failure, Nathaniel, when you ask him if he remembers anything else, he holds on to his blackthorn and closes his eyes and it looks like he's really trying to remember something.

And then he looks up at all of you. And for just a moment, the eyes like the light reflects in his eyes and you see a blue eye and a black eye. Maybe. Whoa, whoa, whoa. And then he shakes his head and he goes, no, I don't. What was that? He like moves over to a chair and sits down. I think he saw. Through me. He saw us. Just for a second, I was able to lock him out, but I think so. Just now, just now for just a second. Well, it's OK because we saw him too.

So at least we know that he's watching us. He has the ability. I'll make it lemonade here, but that's not bad. I was trying to calm his dad down now. Yeah, exactly. It's totally fine. It's not your fault because he looks like. Nathaniel, if you look at Nathaniel right now, he's like, he's got his head down. He looks furious. Yes, this thing. He's the strongest person. He's never been so weak in his life. He's not used to being such a broken man.

And there's definitely stuff he's not saying right now, but he is angry. His physicality is finally reflecting the shattered man that he's been his whole life. Yeah. And also like him being so angry at being vulnerable. It's like such a. Yeah, Nathaniel thing. Totally. Maybe injecting a little bit of my dad. All dads, all dads, dads across the board. Capital boomer dads. Yeah, for sure. And more just the boomers, not millennial. Yeah, not millennial dads. No, no, I don't want to.

I don't want to. Emote. Yes, to question directly. That's to say, no, yeah, no, not millennial dads who in counseling calls emotional outlays performative. Wow, I'm really glad you're in therapy, man. Think. Stick with the power. And as you're all standing around, Nathaniel looking furious, Morris goes, all right. And you all turn and he's he's shoving roast beef in his mouth. He's got tucks bag and he's just. Whoa, what? What are you going to do? Get back. Go get that's my fucking backpack.

Oh, no, no, no, no. All right, all right, big guy. And he reaches in, takes the roast beef out, hands the bag over and then tuck turns to vang and he's like, he's playing by the rules of the buffet. You learn from the best. And he he wipes a bunch of roast beef juice off his face. Get that roast beef. There was one other thing that Perry and I realized his plan, as you have laid it out to us, is to enact a conjunction of the spheres, correct? To have the realms crash into each other?

Yeah, destabilize reality for some unknown reason. Not unknown. What's the reason? He wants to become whole again. Oh, he wants to get himself off of this plane. Yeah, when when Lillian freed herself, she chained him to the material plane. So his, I think his aspect is shattered now. So I think what we figured out was that the only way he could make himself whole is to cause all the realms to merge back into one and then he can reassemble it. Right. And that's confirmed or is that a hypothesis?

Uh, hypothesis. Will you, Sean, you tell us. It's a hypothesis. Okay. That is your best guess. And it's a very good guess. It's an informed hypothesis, but it is not confirmed because the give his man would not tell you his plan. Yeah. But Morris, that's why you were stuck in that, in the margins of reality. Yeah. The thawmick realm. That's the margins are a good play. Good way to put it. I was shoved into the gap between the words of reality. Yes. Yes. Right.

So if his plan hinges on the conjunction of the spheres in his diminished state, it is very likely he has no control over when that happens. Oh. It's impossible that in his attempt to cause more chaos and to disrupt this reality, he might be going after the high spear to disrupt communication across all land. It's not on it's not impossible because the high spear, I don't know if the fans remember this, but can you remind them what the high spear is? Right.

So to remind the listeners, the high spear, which we described, it's the namesake of the high spear principality is a glass shattered, charted wizard tower that hangs above the city of high spear. And in antiquity in the golden age was created by a wizard as a method of ensuring everyone within its reach could communicate. If flawlessly, easily, spoken language sounds the same to everybody within the high spear, the high spears field of influence. Yeah.

And it's how we as players never have to explain why we understand everyone. Exactly. The party went to McCall in season six and everyone could talk to everyone else, even though there are McCall in words and written language, everybody just understands it. Yeah.

Cause his thing is, I just, yeah, when you're start talking about that he's near high spear, the wars near high spear is like, this could be part of his plan is that because that would be very, very, his thing is like to mess with everyone. Yeah. And fuck with everybody. Yeah. Totally. Right. Can communicate anymore. It would really mess everybody up. It would, I mean, for the podcast sake, it would be really annoying. If we were all speaking different languages, all of a sudden.

Cause all three of you would speak a totally different language. That actually makes a lot of sense. Cause his whole thing has been obscuring knowledge. So what better way to like absolutely shatter than not knowledge foundation of the world than to like make it impossible for us to communicate with. There's a lot of eggs in that basket. That is really cool though. Yeah. If the, if the high spear goes down, the three of you could not speak to each other.

We would just have to do like a bunch of like, what do you, what's that game? Shurades. Yeah. Yeah. Like bees. Yes. Yeah. Do our dance. Yeah. But we'd have to describe charades in an audio media. Maybe. Oh, sorry. I just said Jessica try and dance. Try and she's dancing. I know. Yeah. Okay. Okay. That's kind of a dance. She's dancing like a bee. I think that's what she's trying to do. Yeah. It's hard to dance pretending I have like six legs, my only of two.

I'll think you would pretend to be Billy. Talk to them from your perfectly round ball. Yeah. Oh, this is okay. Actually, here's here's something that we're running up against is character knowledge versus player knowledge. Do the characters know about the high spear? We might not. By that Pirel in Morris do. Yeah. Right. They were they were around when it was there's understanding built. Yeah. Or when it was up. Yeah. So they would clue into that. Yeah.

He said that the the precepts of the fire fields are attempting to invade high spear high spear. He could be going for the high spear. What's the high spear? Well, yeah, we know it. Like it's that tower, but who cares. All right. I read a tower at a mall, dude. Are you worried about the fucking hot topic? The tower was designed by a wizard in the Golden Age to create a field of flawless communication between different people.

Did you never think it was weird that everyone on the planet spoke one language? No, I have never thought of it ever. Yes. Assumed everyone was like me. Yeah. Everyone speaks very. Yeah. Wait, you're speaking fairy. Yeah. Aren't you? Are you? I'm speaking a call it right now. Oh my God. Did the camera shift to like a third party perspective where it's incoherent. Unintelligible. Where Billy's language is just feral growling. If things sounds like Nev Campbell. Wait, Nev. It sounds like live.

Tyler sounds like Nev Campbell in wild thing. Yeah. And Tuck is just speaking Arabic. Yeah. Tuck's just speaking real world Arabic. Earth Arabic. Yes. Sharmout. More. Yeah. Is show it. I just said the street. Honestly, I know so little. I know. Habibi. And then it's show it. Are you happy? Be. So so. So. Dream. And I some hummus. I know. I know one of those words. Just say I sell hummus. No, I say I want. Oh. Yeah. I'm saying. I'm doing it for now. I know. I know.

I know another one of those words. Do you say I want full off? Yeah. Some word is so fast. I'm just getting Arabic. Just because downloading Arabic. As we speak. Yeah. Be. Be. Be. Be. Tuck just. The whole. Tuck just doesn't even know. McCallen. He's just asking for a full off. A full over and over again. I'm just translating that into actual words. That would be a crazy mind. Fuck to learn that you have all like you and your closest friends. Oh, yeah. Speaking different languages. Oh, yeah.

It all depends on this like pile of glass. Yeah. Like we got to get there so fast. And. Parago's. Oh. Fuck. Yes. Absolutely. If the Gibbiss man wants the Prince. He accepts to succeed quote on quote. He starts doing air quotes in everybody's faces. In the fuck. Those are wild air quotes. In their invasion of the high spear principality and theoretically the capital of high spear. Because why would you invade a territory without invading the capital? Maybe he's going for the high spear.

He's disrupting knowledge across the world. Communication goes down for everybody. Then we're fucked. We can't do anything. I can't make any dick jokes. I can't make any dick jokes. What are we going to get? What are the languages? Allison speak. The amount of people that you're going to be able to hit on is going to go down wildly. Oh, no. The amount of people you're going to be able to successfully hit on will stay the same. Tech punches through a wall and he's like, we got to move now.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, let's talk. Let's talk about this. Fingers behind the wall. That's what's close. The two wolf eyes in the painting next to you. Wait, wait, wait, let's talk about this for a sec. So like as Morris is talking about how the Gibbiss man is working, he has no control over the movement of the spheres themselves. If he did, he would have done it already. Yeah. So he's like, which mane, which mane's lost that voice completely.

Oh my God, he's fucking with the tower. All of us again, weird accents. So that means that we're all working on the same timeline, which means that things aren't as hopeless as they might have seemed. If he has no control over the movement of the spheres and he can't force them to collide because he would have done that long ago if he could. That means that we still have a chance to stop him. What took his zoom the map in on the Pinesian Bay looks like a dick and balls. Oh my God, it does.

Somebody stabbed me. The Bay of Pines looks like a dick. There's like a little school of dolphins swimming. It looks like a little stream of pee. Billy says that. And that's like, yes, Billy, that's pig. Yeah. It's nothing else. And that's it's funny that we're talking about like the story based on the like we can see, Billy, like you see the halfling lands. You see a little paper, wittershins and sunwise. And then there's a, I mean, what's East?

We know that Panusia is East, but what's East of Panusia? The edge of the book. I thought Panusia was. Yeah, on the map, we've never gone to East than that. Can we scroll? Oh, yeah. Let's do it. I mean, what's what's over there? Scroll realities. All right, Billy's little fingers are moving the pain. Roll it. Well, we're all what? I guess. Bell or on the map. Oh, yeah. I think. All right. OK, 2d6 plus intelligence. Intelligence. Billy has a high. I don't know. Oh, I totally failed.

I guess this is what we don't have to roll for everything because you you take a point of experience because you failed. I did. Hell yeah. And I roll. No. But so what's the. I'll take a part. No, you won't. Didn't roll any things. Turning realities. I don't know what's going on anymore. OK, so what is the failure on this? Oh, if you want like a bad thing to happen, what if it's like as we're trying to flip the pages? It's like all these like webby things.

Oh, we see these like strings stuck together. Yeah. That's like we can't. Like things are trying to form like as they have been forming topographically and that there's like this web stopping. Yeah. Yeah. Interesting. So it's like maybe the Gibbissman on that area has already like created influence. Oh, yeah. Or he's locked it down. Yeah. Like I do like that where the ethos of Dungeon World is draw maps, but leave blanks. Yeah.

The blanks have been filled in and the map is being crunched down now by the Gibbissman. Where it's like where we are and the awareness that we have of the world is so limited because he's already like done so much. Yeah. Oh, yeah. So sick. That's so sick. Yeah. OK. So Billy, Billy starts scrolling like an iPad kid moving the map to the east to the right hand side of the map and the land starts to scroll. But as you get like, pass, wipe your hands before you scroll. Sorry.

This thing is expensive. Sorry. As you get past. I was just what I was wiping them on my mouth. On my mouth. His mouth is just the outside of his mouth is wet all the time. A lot of maple. As you start to scroll the map, the pages shift to the east past Pinoosia, you see a little label that says, tervour the land, the homeland of Aquaria. You see lands with names you don't recognize. And as these new lands are becoming clear, the pages start to. Oh, sorry.

I just realized that as because you said the high spear affects people within its reach. So as we move further away from the high spear, we can't recognize the language. Oh, cool. That makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. And also like if the Gibbissman has already enacted his like anti magic plans in the zones, its influence wouldn't hit there. Yeah. And maybe that's starting to creep in. So that's like the principalities and things around the high spear.

Like that's the thing is like we can't understand each other until we're right under the high spear at some point. You would be like the leader is taking. And it's like it makes sense because like that guy, what was that guy's name again? One guy from tervour. Oh, the big guy. The guy from up north. Yeah, who worked at the Husky. Oh, like, yeah, Olag's accent was so thick because he's from a town that's like on the border. Cool. Of the spear. Yeah.

So that was the, that was the field starting to break down. Yeah. Because his, his accent was becoming harder to understand. Yes. That's cool. OK, that's cool. Yeah. OK. So yeah, we see that the name tervour, the land that Morrison Porelle, no aquaria was born in. The words which you should be able to easily read are in like a strange written language that you, you don't recognize. So blocky. And Porelle points out and goes, that's weird.

And as you get further to the east, the pages become like blackened and craft sticky. And still there's like a, there's like a weird kind of, yeah, Icarus. Like resin on the pages and the words become impossible to read. Morris, your map is broken. And he goes, what I need to update it. And you see, like leaking into the edge of the pages, like white out or white ink or is like fibrous threads that look like spider webs. Oh, give his man's influence.

So you see that this blackened edge is like crawling across the book, across the map of the east. And Morris like pushes everybody out of the way and like puts his hands on the pages and starts moving the map. And you see that there's this like growing field on along the edges of this atlas that are blackened and sticky and covered in this white fiber. And he suddenly just puts his hands under the table and the table begins to fold back up and he slams the book shut. What the fuck was that?

I don't know. Could he see us through the book? I don't know. He's a god. How does this book work? I don't want to get into it. Literally the thing that we would understand the week. Yeah, but I think I know what the next step is. What is it? And he walks over to the fireplace and he throws it in the fire. No, no, no, it's not. There'll be other games, boy. OK. This. Gibbous man is everywhere. We have to be exceedingly careful from here on out. And tuck looks at Nathaniel.

And he looks up at you. Just the darkest bags under his eyes. How much of a handle do you have on what's going on in your head? I hope enough. Do you think it would be possible to put the ring on my dad and go sit somewhere quietly and then do a communion of whispers with him and see what's going on inside of him? Yeah, that's an interesting idea. Yeah. Nathaniel, I have an idea. We have these rings that let us see each other's minds and hear things.

Would you come with me into a quiet space and give me some some time and Nathaniel nods and pushes himself up on his staff and follows you to where you going? The one of the paper outdoor areas. Oh, yeah, near the baseball diamond or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We're up in the stands eating hot dogs. Oh, yeah, all of us gossip girls. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And Victor is doing that dog excited gallop where they don't like sprint, but they go like rocking back and forth as they run.

I still second you idiot. I'm stealing all of these bases and there's nothing you can do about it. Hey, bring back our bases. Never. They belong to Victor. No. Oh, look, he's rounding third. And under a paper tree, Nathaniel lowers himself down and sits cross legged, but like his face looks like it's pain as he moves his legs. What's the position that you're in? Are you guys like staring into each other's eyes or what?

No, we're both sitting on opposite sides of the paper tree with like one knee up and one leg straight looking out opposite directions. Oh, okay. Looks like the Kindle. Okay. We put the rings on and I want to roll the move that I still have for sure. Okay. Good. Yeah. Communive whispers and community of whispers is two D six plus wisdom plus wisdom plus wisdom spending time in a place. Papa's mind. Great. I got snake eyes. Wow. Fucking God. So you put the ring on to Daniel's finger. I do.

And you begin this meditative. Revery. And you close your eyes and enter this liminal mental space. And you see your father standing there. Hail and hardy like he was when you were a kid in a darkened wood. The shadows kind of flowing between the trees pooling almost. And you look at your father and he smiles. But too wide. You look at his eyes and they don't quite meet yours and you're not sure where they're looking or if their eyes at all. And you realize that's not your father.

They give his men. It's nice to see you again. You're going to die. And he kind of smirks at you a little bit. You first and then you are slammed back to reality. And Daniel like takes the ring off and throws it into the paper in front of him. I was going to say grass, but there's no grass here. Goes it into the green paper grass in front of him and like forces himself up on his staff. He's in my head. But it's not safe for you to be around us. It's not. I'm sorry. I have to go.

Where are you going to go? I don't know. But it can't be here. And yeah, Daniel is storming away. Is it does anybody stop him? I mean, we're watching from above. Yeah, you see where eating our hot dogs. You see that then you'll get up from the tree and start storming. I mean, as much as he can in his weekend state across the field. Something happened. He's really mad. You don't have to run. This could be this can be you don't have to sacrifice yourself again.

This is something that we can all do together. He stops and he doesn't look at you because he's such a moody fuck. Well, and he's being like, shilling his eyes. Yeah, he's not looking and he says, I'm not going to get you killed. And he leaves. I let him. Yeah. When I was a young boy, my father took me into the city. To see a marching band. I think we don't know, son, but it'll be soon. When you come and home, that I don't know. A real good, you think it was man? We'll be the greatest man.

This is biggest singing to us. The captain, the criminal in the bro shot or moon. And then you know, Pat Billy and tuck in his mood. He cut to the table who's walking through the hallways. He's like, my boy is just like me. Right. OK, what we see is a full musical number of montage. I mean, Billy and Tucker, like doing like the side stuff, like. Yeah, in the stands. And we see, you know what? Let's just lean into the montage thing. We see Dethany will go to his room and start packing a bag.

Yeah, we see it because Billy is following with the gossip girls. We're in the wall. That's the montage. She's got swatching him in the hallway. Back in his bag. I always feel like somebody's watching me. And you cut to tuck and he's like, I'm stuck. I'm stuck. I'm stuck. And she pushes the hole through the wall. I'm sorry. Oh, my God. I got some skis. I got two freak jabs. I'm sorry. I'm like, oh, I was so fucking scared. There it is.

And we can I think we can comfortably cut forward to Dethany.

Then we want to see T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T It, Dethanio has been like wearing this.

Bing noticed it wrapped around his fingers when he draws bow. Oh yes. He would move it to different spots. And he was like, he thought it was like just his warring ranger strap. Yeah. And on the inside of the band you see written, as root and soil, I bind myself to you. Bear, wolf, and cub. And, I'm a parell. You hear from a painting on the wall. Oh my god, it's so sad. Hahaha. And then you hear shh. Hahaha. You guys can come out here and share this moment with me in person, you know.

You hear thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump. And then Morris walks by the open door and goes, oh hello, Vang. Oh hello, Morris and gang. We didn't see you there. We were busy doing something far away. What is this I see on your wrist? A gift from a love long lost perhaps. Or something else. Hahaha. Of great value. What could we know of such gifts left behind by ones with lips of full and thighs so safe? Hahaha. Do you want this? No. Hahaha. Hahaha.

No, I see, I just keep it, but Tuck did consider taking it. Hahaha. He's like, thank you. Got to wear it at night. I'll wear it at night. Tucklings in like in a weird way and then he goes. Hahaha. Hahaha. You smell my wrist wet. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Oh my god. And parell walks forward and puts a hand on Vang's shoulder. Hahaha. Right. I'm really dead just left. I'm really sorry. For what?

You get reconnected then it turns out that your father wasn't your father but the malicious sky god that's trying to kill the whole world. Then you do get to reconnect with your father and it doesn't really go the way you want it to and then he goes away. I get, I mean, yeah, I mean, I didn't really have an idea of how it was going to go. I was hoping for closure but him leaving and trying to fix things on his own. That makes sense. It feels like some sort of closure, I guess. I don't know man.

It feels like it's the thing he was trying to do the whole time. He just keeps, he just has always been sacrifice himself. I think that's what made him such a hard warrior. I guess some people are, they only really know themselves through the oaths that they keep and the duties that they have. And Morrison Pirel look at Tuck. That was a very apt. Are you feeling okay? And Tuck's like, I don't know, it feels like something's just. And there we go. There we go. Inspiring me to be more.

It's back to normal. Okay, well, we're going to give you some space and they. Wait, I want to, yeah, I should have just any reaction. Which I like the idea that Bing says that. Wait, guys, I need to have such, let me just like sum up this moment here. He got. And everyone nods, usually, and starts. You know what? I didn't expect to feel like this, but I wish them all the best. Let's get out of here. We got places to go. Where are we going? You guys never decided. We never did decide.

So like, okay. Yeah. So if we went to High Spear, I wonder if Pearl and Morris would be able to do some work to kind of bring back more of the arcane stuff. Like what? Oh, I want to know. The High Spear creates like a magical cognitive field that blankets the whole world. Almost like a broadcasting. Yeah, it's like a broadcast tower. It's basically a radio tower. That beams like a translation spell into everyone's head.

What if they use that infrastructure to try and collapse the pocket dimensions that all the wizards escaped into to cause them to come back in, which might bring magic back into the world? It's a great idea. Or if they fail, kill everybody. Every pocket dimension just crunches on the wizards. It's like flipping on the hydrogen collider. Is that something you? Oh, cause you guys don't like that. That's a very good idea. I like it.

I feel like we need it at this stage where it's like the gibbous man sounds like he's got people on his side. Yeah, we need. Yeah. And it's like if it's just the three of us, like we don't really have magic like that. No, no, absolutely not. And I feel like we need it. Yeah. Well, yeah. And that was the whole that was your whole plan. Like from when you met Maggie at Wickport, this was what your plan ended up being was get the wizards back to create a magical field. Okay. I do like that.

I feel like that makes sense narratively for where we might be going. And then the war on the way where it's like two birds with one stone. If we fuck up the war and like the Prince have plans, like if we just kill the Prince helps, then that also works. Yeah. Yeah. And then we can just go to the high spear and then try and do this magic thing. I think that could be a Parell and Morris thing too. It's like, you know, hey guys, I bet he's going for the high spear. Oh, yeah.

They like, I think that would be. I think so. Yeah. We're intuiting as players. They would tell us. Yeah. Yeah. I look at like more some pro. Where do we go now? Oh, well, the, I suppose if we're going to pursue this war situation, we should probably know more about the war. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

The principle of the fire fields are attempting to invade high spear, high spear, yeah, high spear and Parell goes high spear and they look at each other and go high spear and Morris goes, I can't believe we didn't think about this before. If the high spear is projecting a magical field over the planet and Parell cuts him off and goes, that might be something that we could use against the gibbous man. Oh my God. And they kiss. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh, and they start really good. Yeah.

They're so slowly moved together and Morris pulls his face away from Parell's and goes, you're a genius. He starts and Parell pulls his face away and goes, you're a genius and Morris pulls his face away and goes, I know I was talking to myself. They're like crashing into step in the room with her eyes closed, trying to get out of the room. Yeah, out in the pool. So the question Parell says is we need to find the Prince F's. Is that our goal? Do we find the Prince F's?

Well, yeah, I guess do we go to the attacking? Do we go to like the black glass side of things and try to like destroy it from within or do we go to the high spear side of things and try and defend it? Like that feels like the two paths that we could take. Yeah. So we're side that we are on between the two principalities. Well, the Prince F's are with the Gibbous man, so we're on the opposite side. Yeah. That is a good way to think about it.

Those are sort of the two, well, I guess there's three ways to do it. Go to black glass and try and like infiltrate the city and try and figure out what's going on like politically or join the war effort maybe. Yeah, like be like, oh, we're here to fight. Yeah. Oh, we're mercenaries for hire. Right. V is five gold. Gold, no, four coins a day. You got to undercut the competition. Yeah, we got to get in. We got to get in. Why is it DM? Which is one brings us up to five. Yeah, brings us up to five.

All right. We never have been paid to. So we never got in a paycheck. I'm still looking for dental. Yeah. And then the other side is going to the high spear side and being like, hey, we're actually mercenaries for hire. Yeah. And we will help you and we know what's coming. So we're going to stop parell and Morris off at the tower. Yes, that makes sense. If they're working on that side. Yeah. And then we go back to the fire fields. Yeah. So you're kind of do both things. Yeah.

No, no, I think that's a fine way to do like more drop Morrison Parell off the experts at the magic thing and let them deal with that. Yeah. And then we go do the other side and try and sow chaos and discord in the enemy. And honestly, that's totally our bailiwick. Yeah. And we're so comfortable with this. I feel like if we showed up and we were like, hey, high spear, we can defend you. They would put us in jail right away.

But if we show up on the other side and just try and fuck things up, that's more what we're good at. Right. That does make sense. And if we learn anything when we were under the tree and also when we beat the shit out of that old lady, this is that our skill set is just in created chaos. There's a bunch of animals that are being caged and we can convince them to riot. And Morris goes, that actually makes perfect sense. So here are the two choices and he holds his hands out before you.

Come with us to the high spear, a place of great magical ingenuity and spend days, weeks, maybe months trying to decode the best way to turn this ancient artifact to our benefit or the second one. It is very funny. The second one. The second one. And that's where we're going to end it for this week. High five is second hand. Yeah. Thank you for joining us everybody. My name is Sean O'Hara. I've been your game master. Joining me is always playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian Abdulaziz. So long.

Playing Ving the Half Elf Druid Paul Opers. Take care. I'm playing Fat Billie the Halfling Thief Jessica Tye. See you later. Thank you to Aaron Reed of Vancouver's Sunday service for our intro and outro music. If you would like to hear the music produced by Aaron personally under Aaron Charles Reed or ACR, you can find him at erinreed.bancamp.com. And if you want to hear all the music produced for the show by Aaron and written by Abdul and myself, you can find that at soundcloud.com.

And thank you to all of our supporters around the world. Without you, this show would not be possible. So if you want to support the show and gain access to a whole bunch of cool bonus content, check us out at patreon.com or spelllord.com. And thank you finally and most of all to you for listening. We'll see you next time. And so ends the tale of Adventures 3 who tried the best they can. Though dumb and scared and lost they'd be. For times are breast in revelry.

And though our journey may be lying a conclusion, we will not leave you without a resolution. Turn next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores. And for you I'm gladly spout long.

Speltlore is made possible by contributions from our listeners. If you'd like to support us, go to patreon.com. slash speltlore. Hello everybody and welcome to Speltlore. I'm your Game Master, Sean O'Hara. Joining me is always playing Tacoma Dome of the Barbarian of Dulaziz. Hello everybody. Playing Ving the Half-Health Druid, Paul Hoppers. Hello everyone. And playing Fat Billy the Halfling Thief, Jessica Ty. Hey everyone. One last we left our heroes.

They were gathered in the Fanny Pack after a raucous night of Druid partying on the beach. They attended a lecture slash presentation slash continental breakfast. It was mostly a continental breakfast. Hosted by their dear friend and wizard, Pirelle. To do what he described as restating the stakes. Using a book that unfolded into a 3D and dynamic portrait of the planet. They went through the last couple months of adventures.

Restating all of the currently open threads and where those threads were moving. While investigating the book itself and the lands that they have not yet become familiar with, Billy discovered curled, blackened and sticky pages in the book. Yeah, last time Billy found sticky pages in the book. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we know the joke. Love and lust, page 69. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Fill in the punchline yourselves. Guys, come on.

This is how I do comedy from now on. Let's have a little fucking decorum here. Instead of just making the audience do their own punch lines. No, these are ours. We've downloaded them into our audiences. The book then began to fill with white fibrous strands reminiscent of spider webs before Morris tossed the book into the fire. Dethaniel arrived during the presentation to explain that he had a memory come to him unbidden of the Givis Man's intentions.

And while he couldn't be sure of his exact plan, he was certain that the Givis Man needed the war in the southern principalities to succeed. And if you wanted to, as it were, spit in the face of the Givis Man, stopping the principles of the fire fields would be a good place to start. During this recollection of the Givis Man's events, he was overtaken momentarily with the aspect of the Givis Man, presenting a black eye and a blue eye.

Before regaining control, but being furious with himself for having let it slip for even a moment. Veng and his father went quote unquote outside to the baseball diamonds within the fanny pack. I really feel the dreams and the field of dream style. That was a sweet, beautifully played catch with our memories. Yeah. The Chamberlain ring was used to commune with the whispers of Dethaniel's own mind.

Veng, upon failing that role, entered Dethaniel's mind or so he thought and was faced with the aspect of his father controlled by the Givis Man. No. Who let Veng know he's in his head. You fell for his trick. You'll fall for another one. He's got you. The dad's got me? The Givis Man's got you. God, there he goes again. He's tricking you. Tricking you right now. After the vision, Dethaniel decided he couldn't stay here. It wasn't safe. So he packed up a shit and he left.

And after some, let's say awkward comforting event. Maris and Parell asked the party what's going on. What are we doing? And then had a sudden flash of genius that if the firefields are invading the high spear and the Givis Man is like hell yeah, they might be going for the high spear itself. A remnant wizard tower from the Golden Age that projects a magical translation field over the planet allowing everyone to communicate.

The party then realized that they've all been speaking different languages to each other this whole time. And resolved to drop Maris and Parell off at the high spear to attempt to bend its power to their own devices. And that idea led to another idea to fuck each other right then. Oh yeah, because they're geniuses. They get so hot and heavy because we'll smart there. Exactly. And part two was the party will go to black glass and attempt to sign on his mercenaries with the war effort.

And so their own discord and gather their own information. That is where we find our heroes now. So we're packing up to leave? Yeah, I guess. Do we just see you on somebody's riding gales back? I think that's pretty. Yeah, I think that'd be funny. Unless there's anything else that anyone wants to do in Hibernia. I think Maris and Parell were so horned up on their idea. We all wanted to get out.

That we all wanted to get out of the fanny pack for a bit because there was so much crashing all over the place. There's so many rooms and they were using so many of them. Yeah. It was the thing where they were kissing and smashing into things and every time we'd go into a different room. They would crash through the paper and crawl. They were in the gals of girls' channels. Yes. Don't fucking the tunnels. The tunnels are for everybody. They're not waterproof at all. No. That's the point. Yeah.

They're created to transmit sound. Who made these to look in? They keep busting through. Every time we would go to a different room they'd bust through. Like flesh come through the eyes of a painting. It's like just blood. Like she's coming out of the eyes of a painting. Is that home, I lord? Is that painting winking at me? It was a thing where we were like we gotta get Billy out of here right now. So we cut to the three of you on gals back going just like… Yeah, we look hair out. Yeah.

Yucking their yum or just yucking that we know them too. We're yucking their bum. Yeah, they're yucking them specifically. That's fine. Yeah. It's not okay to just fucking front of your guests. No. Okay, so was there anything that anyone wanted to do on Hyburnia before we left? No. I don't think so. I also think that we've overstayed our welcome.

Yeah, that's what the vibe you get is like the young druids that were partying with you were like, bye, but then the older druids have their arms crossed and they're like, get the fuck out of here. Because I stole their smoked fish. You know how they would have them on like the forks? On the sticks? Yeah. I would take a whole thing. Yeah. Yeah. Pretty amazing. Okay, then yeah, we see gale take off into the sky directly engulfed in the gray.

We see angry druids glaring after you casting ancient signs with their hands and banishment and fucking off. You do them back. Billy's got like a bunch of fish on a stick. Yeah. Sorry, but not sorry enough to give the fish back. Okay, so then we're going to high spear. Yes. That's the plan. Yeah. Do we parallise wilds to see what we see on the way? Absolutely. I like that we bust out of the top of the grain. It's like we went to a matinee. Oh my God. Oh, geez. It's so bright up here.

Just instantly sunburned. Yeah. Really? No. Oh, we didn't put cream on here. My creams are in the wall. He's dead. Then my creams are in the wall for sure. As with parallise wild as we all know there are three moves. Manage provisions navigate and scout ahead. Who's doing what? I could do provisions because I have the fish stick. Right. Then make sure we're right. Then make sure we're all scout ahead because I have a late site and we're into the brain of the day. Perfect.

Then what was the other one? Oh, navigate, 2d6 plus intelligence. Navigate. So I'm up front telling you where to go, I guess. Cause I drew the short straw, which means I have to sit at the front where she can talk to me. You're like over a shoulder. I got 10. The five. I got seven. Okay. So sorry. I forgot to roll fairy child. Oh, yes. You need it. Yes, you can. Nine. Nine. Nice. So that means I get three holds. Three holds. Okay.

And from that, I want to use a fairy child to turn a failed roll into a seven to nine. You sneaky fuck. I am. I did not eat all the fish. That's Billy did eat all the fish, but then he uses one of three. So birds to make them read material. Yeah. Okay. So on a seven to nine, the party consumes the expected amount of rations. Ving, of course, does not eat or just eats whatever. Tuck probably eats a lot. Yeah. Billy eats a lot.

Ving's doing that thing where he's getting food from the sunlight on his butthole. The back of the old. What? You know, people were doing. Were you saying you sent your bottle? Yeah. You feed your soul to your butthole. Weird like Instagrammers. Yeah. Yeah. You put your butt to the sun. He's downward dog in the back of a bird. I, I, that's people are doing this. Oh, yeah. Yeah. The world sucks. I know. Also, this is an opportunity to use Billy's changeling move, which we forgot the four seasons.

Is Billy going to potentially undergo? Nope. No seasonal change. Not yet. So he remains in his spring. Yeah. And as you remain in your spring form, you have a benefit from that. What is your spring point? Right. You may create a convincing illusion without spending a hold. And okay. So what did Ving get for Scott ahead? 12 12. So on a 10 plus choose two from the list below. You get the drop on whatever lies ahead. You discern a beneficial aspect of the terrain.

So it's a shortcut shelter, a tactical advantage. You make a capital D discovery or note a sign of a capital D danger. I like it discovery. OK. And then I get a drop on whatever's ahead. Perfect. Because we're coming into war zone and navigate. I got seven. So the GM chooses one from the list below, but I'll let you choose because it's usually more fun. Oh, yeah. You happen on a capital D discovery missed by the scout.

The going is slow or you wander off course or you encounter a capital D danger. Well, only one of those is not bad. One of those is not bad. That's what the GM's supposed to choose. I realized. So yeah, you choose. OK, well, let's let's go ahead and roll this discovery first and see what happens here. Thank you so much for giving me back the power in that scene. I appreciate that. That was a rare handoff.

So we leave the gray, we pull out, we fly up above and we see the sea of graves and the storm because we've talked about how the storm is sort of spread. Yeah. So you see off in the distance, the sea of graves, the pillars rising out of the ocean, marching off into the distance. The crackling storm that has engulfed these pillars for millennia, some must say. And that storm sort of arcs out above the sky and seems to spread across the land.

A surprising amount of the sky around you is storms and gale. For as much as she's like, OK, so it was a it was this play that I saw. It was about a boss who was really mean and it was about a new assistant who was trying to get into the boss's world. You know, what was it called? Is it the devil? Where's Prada? I don't think it's that fuck gale. Tuck, you can see like as she's saying this, you see her eyes on the side of her massive head are like locked on the storm.

Yeah, paying very close attention. She's like navigating between like it's like a maze almost. That's exactly what it is. Yeah. Yeah. She starts navigating between the worst parts of the storm using what appears to be some sort of Thunderbird Road Network. That makes sense. Where she's taking like wind currents that are passing between the most dangerous parts of the storm on streams. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. She's like, I'm not going to be able to do this forever, but we're safe for now. I hope.

I like the idea that she does her like stream of consciousness. Like, what is what is this thing to kind of like just keep herself like calm? Yeah. Yeah. Totally. So texture is like answering her questions because he can tell that she's kind of stressed. Yeah. And you know, when you faced Thronebreaker for the first time and like parts of the storm looked like they were reaching out. Like when we were above Shur City? Yes. Yeah. Veng, because you chose, you get to drop them whatever lies ahead.

You see in this tunnel network, you're like looking at the storm, trying to perceive the spirits and the dangers in this place. You feel a particularly strong sense of maliciousness ahead. And you see like like a shark cresting away. You see like part of a cloud up ahead, ripple in royal and then pull back into itself. Oh, Thronebreakers here. It does not appear to be Thronebreaker. Well, there's another bird, but there's something to certain reality. Yeah, to certain reality.

Two, six plus wisdom. Dead. Nine. Oh, eight. I'm waving the fog around with my fish stick. Try and move the clouds, you know, seven. OK, so that makes it a 10. Three questions off the discern reality's list. What he is not what it appears to be. OK, so you see with your elf eyes, the ripple in the clouds again. And you think, oh, it's got to be a it must be a bird. But then you realize that it's not something moving in the clouds. It is the cloud itself.

What happened here recently with the spreading of the storm and the growing of its strength, you do see wings and a back and a head start cresting the cloud and pulling away. It almost looks like a physical form made of the storm cloud. There's another spirit locker. It is a crazy conclusion. So the stuff the thing makes them for real. Yeah, smoke monsters. It's an animal made out of the pure elements. Oh, really is in control here.

OK, so you see this figure resolve into a powerful facsimile of a thunderbird made of storm clouds as its body like extricates itself from the cloud completely. You see like talons of crackling electricity. Oh, a beak of like also electricity. I realized it should be the same material for the hard parts. Yeah, it could be hail hail. Yeah, for the eyes. Yeah, hail. Oh, hail stone eyes. Like a fucking smell. No, for the beak. That just turned into a 14 year old. It's got fucking snow beak.

But then in the center of its cloud head where the Bizor would be is like roiling black cloud. Whoa, I'm sitting in cloud. This tuck says that. And you're reminded of the vision you had of Thronebreaker and his obsidian Bizor. Oh, this seems to be an extension of his will would be your guess. Oh, my gosh. What if Thronebreaker is a spirit walker to? But for the gibbous man. What? Oh, never mind. I love that. It's an interesting idea. That's insane. So curious.

Not something that you would be able to confirm now. I was dry. I didn't get enough positive reinforcement. I withdraw my idea. Tech rips a bunch of pain is out of a notebook. He was ready to eat the rest. And he needs 100% so on board. I'm not feeling supported in this relationship right now. No, that's a good idea. I just can't confirm or deny things that you just come up with until the story reveals them. What should I be on the lookout for? More of them. Well, multiple. That was a cool.

You had that in the can. OK, I am looking out for them. Yeah, so you do since you have the jump on them. Oh, yeah. You have a moment to decide what you're going to do. At this point, you are basically just starting to travel over the land. Go lower. I don't think we should go through this below. Oh, it's throat breaker. His perceptions and influence travel through the storm now. Did I not tell you that? No. No. All right, hold on. She pulls her wings in and sharply dives through the clouds.

Oh, the G force on it is crazy. The gale force. The gale force. That's sick. And you grip on hard as she starts just pelting through the clouds. That's what she says. She says, grip on hard. Hold me, talk. Hold me. I am gale. Hold me tight. I am with your thighs. And boom, she comes out of the bottom of this cloud and you see the vast expanse of the great forest beneath you. You see, you know, oh, there's Hartwood City and you turn away. Boy. Do that. Yeah, we hear swords clanging.

We're like, everything is fine there. Not a problem. Boom. You hear, taxes. Nice. And you look up and you see, you see the land, you see, like the entirety of the principalities that aren't like covered in storm and you look up and you see falling through the cloud, removing itself from it, a large, elemental thunderbird. It is pursuing you or attempting to. Oh, I could roll. I could create a convincing illusion. Oh, yes. It distracted. Yes. Can you do that? Yeah.

What illusion are you attempting to create? I'm going to create another thunderbird, another gale to confuse the other one. Right. That's what I'll do. Split off and be like, which one are you chasing? So you don't have to roll. You don't have to do it. And you don't have to spend a point, right? Because you're in your spring form. Yeah. So how does this look? Because it now it's basically like it pulls up a little short and it's flapping.

It's huge hurricane wings and it's looking back and forth between the two birds covered in the two groups of people. Yeah. How do you utilize this illusion to escape? So I think the illusion is pretty good. Yeah, it's convincing enough. It's got the three of us on the back. Yeah. And things. Yeah. 20 is asshole Adam. Yeah. Fink Billy is putting the ass or. So it's not really. Sorry. Language, Billy. Yeah. Fake thing is shining his booty hole.

And fake Billy is waving his fish stick at the bird as if to like antagonize him. I think it's like pretty convincing. It's pretty convincing. Fake tuck looks angry at girl. Could I elemental mastery to create a fog around us to shield us? Yeah, basically like to hide us and create a hide us in the mist of the mountain. Yeah. And then the fake one flies out of it. Yeah. Yeah.

To do like, you know, car chases where like you're driving the same car and you drive under an overpass and then they follow the wrong car. Yeah. 100% like that. Two to six plus constitution. Nine nine. Oh, I'll help. How does tech help? Gail is going so fucking fast. Like it's quite unstable. So he's just holding Ving and Billy so that they don't have to focus on holding on. Nice. He's a cockpit. Yeah, he's being the seat belt. Yeah. But because I'm doing this, Ving can focus even harder.

Excellent. OK. Eight. OK, that makes it a 10 choose to from the list below. The effect you desire comes to pass avoid paying nature's price retain control. I will avoid paying nature's price and the effect you desire comes to pass. OK, how do you like move the fog around you? Yeah. So that's that thing where we're just like kind of on one gail and then it's shift shimmer apart into two. Yeah, it's like a mirror. Yeah. Mirror and it's like copying us.

And we dive down in between two big mountains and there's a big valley of mist. Gail punches down, drop down into a cloud. We stop air breaks. The illusionary one keeps going. Yeah. And then we as an aspect of the cloud gently missed falls down. Cascade. So the mountain. Yeah, beautiful. And the illusory bird with the illusory three on the back takes off peels away. And you hear rather than see the crackling storm elemental thunderbird peel off and follow it.

And you are surrounded by clouds and mist. You see coming out of the clouds, like rocky mountainsides, trees in valleys. We're like drenched in in water. Because from the mist in the cloud. Yeah, you're so wet. And after a while, as you do not retain control, you're flying for a while and you're like squinting it all the water that's just like pelting you in the face. Gail's like, huh, I don't know where we are. What? Yeah. What do you mean?

I, you know, I'm just surrounded by mist and I was trying to like take some deeks and turns, you know, throw them off. And then I threw myself off. I don't want to freak anybody out, but I think we're lost. Can I spell lore or something about like the area we're in since like this is around the region, Billy's from? Yeah, totally. Yeah. I think it would be like, all right, how about we just let's just and she starts going a little bit lower. OK.

And she like, whoa, whoa, whoa, a light's on a almost a miniature forest that's on like a plateau. You can see rocks and trees, but you're surrounded by mist. It's like the mountain trees, you know. Yeah. Yeah. Let's see. Spell or using intelligence, which I have none. So eight. OK, not bad. So something interesting, but not useful about the region that you're in. Billy recognizes this as a region near the Everwood Valley. I used to play around here. Why not?

Is this is close to where Billy's from? Why don't you tell me about this? Yeah. I tell you. Yeah. This is outside of the Everwood Valley. We're on the other side of the river. Like the village is on one side in the center. And then there's like the river and we're on the outside on the side of the mountain. This is around the area where the witch lives. Oh, cool. Yeah. Oh, so we're like close to the Everwood Valley. Like this is the witch that lives near Lone Tree. Like not Mother Never Was.

No, not Mother Never Was. It's just like a it's just like a witch. Yeah. It doesn't do that much stuff. Just a crazy lady that lives in the woods. She's like, I hate the half. She's like the evil wizard from the Smurfs. Like she's like Gargamelic in Athens. Yeah. Billy, this is where you're from. Yeah. Like if you can, I mean, if the fog wasn't all surrounding us, you could see the village from across the river. Oh, where's that close?

Talk is like, OK, so given that the sky is dangerous, could we maybe use the sunwise and the Wittershins to like get closer to high spirit, like use the riverways? That's cool idea like that. That is an interesting idea. Gail is like, oh, yeah, that actually makes a lot of sense. Traveling with me is actually probably a pretty bad idea considering your enemy is the God of the sky. Huh. Also, I should be fighting.

Oh, yeah, there's a war and my very close friend, Cloudpiercer is a constant danger. And I think like Gail is pretty shaken by the elemental birds that chase to you and is like, I'm really work. Cause if something happens to me and she salutes with her big wing, it is in service to the cause. But if you three, something happens to you while you're on my back, that's it. And it's literally on me. There's a lot of pressure, Gail. That's it. The podcast is over. Finally. We're free.

He says, but try to get out of this for seven years now. What if we create a thunderbird that takes us in the middle of a war? Then we'll definitely die. What we cut out of the podcast every episode is Jessica going like, and Billy jumps into the lake. And Billy rolls into the fire. Billy eats the lava. What are you doing? I think this is a great idea actually, because. The sky has proven itself to be unsafe. It's unsafe. It's safer and plus like we don't want to be noticed by anyone. Yeah.

The halflings, they would obviously notice Gail. Yeah, they would notice Gail. And I mean, we can assume that the majority of the halflings are probably not like fuck. Yeah, evil. So like maybe they would. Shelter could potentially help you. Yeah, maybe. OK, interesting. OK, we're back to overland adventure boys because of course this guy is a threat. Yeah. And the goal right now is to get Morrison Pirel to high spear. Right. That's where we're targeting. Yeah.

And we know that we're not on as tight a timeline as we thought in terms of the world end day. Gibbiss man is like, well, I have to fucking wait to for the war to finish. Yeah. Yeah. Because he is maybe a bit more hands tied. Yeah, initially thought. Yeah. He's letting things he starts things or he stirs the pot and lets it settle. Cool. Cool. Looks like Gail. You're right. You can't come with us anymore. I'm so sorry. Don't worry. And she reaches up a wing and runs it down your face. Tucks me.

Tucks been allergic to birds. This old guy. His eyes are so red. That's why he got a partial success on the navigate. He's barely like he's like, it's just the fog, right? But his eyes and shut. You look at it. It's swollen shut. What you need today, if you ask to me? I love being with you, but I love to see you go. I'd love to be able to see you go. Just get away from me. She and she lets you all down. You, you know, slide down off Gail's back. Thank you for your service. Thank you. I hope.

Oh, no. What? She sees you moving the fish around. I was going to offer this to you, but I couldn't pass. He's serving Gail. I need my strength for the flight back to the war front. You do. Before she takes off, Ving wants to give her his silver gauntlets that he's been hanging on to for every year. I want to put these on. He puts them around her talon. Oh, this is one of the reasons for you and one of them is for cloud piercer. I will do my best.

Those are the ones that are made of the moon steel. Maybe should hang on to those. Every time we leave, you're like, I would give my most prized possession. Yeah. I've been carrying this around for seven seasons. Now belongs to you. It's from the temple of the moon goddess. You do the thing where like when the adult child comes and visits their mom, the mom is like, OK, and while you're here, like, I'm going to send you back with like another boss of your stuff. Yeah.

I want to hold on to your memories anymore. So yeah, you clasp these arm guards around her, her talents. Mm hmm. Shiny. These will be a boot in the fight to come. I assume I don't actually know what they are, but they're pretty sick. They're from the temple of the moon goddess. They're lunar steel gale. I know not what you are talking about. When I say they're lunar steel gale, I'm looking at Vang. They're lunar steel gale. I forgot. I actually forgot.

They're literally nothing like that exists in the world. They are one of the kind and priceless gales and they are impenetrable, which is why I have given you one of those things. Vang says he takes one bag. He like totally ungrateful. Takes it right back off. That's for you and cloud piercer to share. Switch back and forth, take turns, evenings and weekends. I don't care how you split it up. And she goes, wow, OK. One of these cool. She rolls her eyes. All right.

Well, I guess I'll go back to risking my life like I did to get you here and to get you to. All right, whatever. Wait, well, a girl is good. It was great to see you again as ever. I wish you nothing but luck and success on your journey. And you thank you. That's what I was waiting for. And now I must away. Goodbye, Gail. Goodbye. And she boom. And you're all not. I fall off the cliff. It's a show. You can't keep killing Billy. I love it, though. I love killing Billy.

The sonic boom from her wingbeats sends her high off into the sky. And as she flies away, the camera sees her majestically batting into the sky as tuck billion finger hanging off the edge of the cliff. The finger style. Leaving. Goodbye. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. All right. So here we are in a valley somewhere in a mountain valley on a plateau. What do you do? Oh, we're in a new area. I would like to use wild wandering.

Yes, which I believe allows you to ask a question about the region that you're in. OK, how do we get to what's the best way to the winter shins from here? So the winter shins you would know, like you consult sort of internally the druid acknowledge that courses through your veins now. And you recall the trees memory of a time before the winter shins before the two rivers were knit into one ever flowing.

As the courses of those rivers changed, they left river beds behind the rivers that became the Whittersons existed for millennia. So this region is sort of crisscrossed with natural paths that lead to the Everwood Valley. Dry creek beds. Exactly. Yeah. And if you know the signs, you can find those creek beds quite easily. Great. Maybe in especially in this region, there's like a particular plant that flourishes in the sort of healthy areas that once were the creek beds. But what is it?

I do like skunk cabbage except the leaves have like that stripe that a skunk has on them. Oh, skunk cabbages. Yeah. We're alive. We've done cabbage, cabbage skunks. Yeah, but these are skunk cabbages. Yeah. Yeah. Though cabbage skunks do make their homes in skunk cabbage beds, they're not terribly dangerous. No, no, they're stinky. Yeah. Whereas like these skunk cabbages, the food just looks like a skunk tail on the leaves, but it is not stinky. It is the opposite of stinky. It smells.

It smells good. It smells good. Like roasted cabbage. Yeah. OK. So then this sounds like a perilous journey. And it sounds like Billy is navigating with his nose. Yeah. Sweet. Follow your nose. I'll scout ahead. OK. I'm cutting through the marsh with the axe. Yeah. Nine. OK, plus wisdom for scout ahead. Eight provisions is plus wisdom wisdom. Wisdom. Yeah. Ten. So 10, you choose one from the list below for managed provisions.

Careful management reduces the amount of rations consumed or the party consumes. The expected amount and the food is excellent. Describe it and everyone who licks their lips takes plus one for. Nice. It's roasted cabbage. Yes. All the way down delicious bull rushed hearts to young shoots, young frog legs. Whoa. Sorry, frogs. Sorry, Pearl. I like the idea that after all this time, it's like you don't even open the fanny pack.

You just have like a campfire like the old days and just like make dinner outside. Yeah. Yeah. Being actually learned from mirrors, which is cute. Yeah. Beautiful. So yeah, I imagine that that Billy sort of helps everybody get down to where this creek bed is before you continue on your way. And then you make camp, have a nice little meal. So what do you say that scunt cabbage smells good? What does it smell like to Billy? Yeah, it smells like roasted cauliflower roasted cabbage.

It's like borscht, this whole fluff. Basically, yeah. Smells like soup. It smells so good and crispy. Yeah, sweet. Yep. And so scout ahead on a 7 to 9. You choose one from below. You get to drop on whatever lies ahead, discern a beneficial aspect of the terrain, make a discovery or notice sign of a danger, make a discovery. OK, yes. And for Billy, oh, this is the GM chooses one from the list below.

Happen on a discovery, the going is slow or you wander off course as ving like, OK, we've had a long day of riding on this bird and we're drenched to the bone. You're drenched to the bone. It's still raining kind of. Yeah. Yeah, you make camp next to like there's a mountain, like a kilometer away, like the side of a mountain. But in there is like a small pond lake that is gathered from different water sources and there are reeds and water grasses sort of ringing it.

And who's wondering the pond in this like restful moment? I can wonder. And as you are like looking, you're like, oh, man, I thought we were really going to get to high spirit. I thought this was going to be that I was going to be in a mall today. And now I'm here. You are looking at like these big, huge water rushes that are coming up out of the out of the lake. And as you get close, you see that like one of them is moving. Yeah. Like a clump of rushes is moving around. OK.

And as you as you get you like lean in, you see a big, long beak about three feet, like a three foot long beak that initially looked like a rush poke up and the rushes move aside and form into like the wings of a heron that is about as tall as you. Oh, fuck. But looks to be a collection of rushes. And it starts to like lower its leg that it had hidden up in its body and start stepping out of the lake towards you. And then tuck. He's he's transfixed by it.

Where he's just like he raises a hand to be like, hello, are you friendly? That's reasonable. Yeah. Because he like talks, Bushcraft is not good. Like he's it's like Billy and Ving are like the outdoorsy types and like tuck it well, more Ving. And Billy's more kind of like inside of a drawer. Yeah, like the backyard kid. Yeah. But like tuck is like learned that his instinct to just kill whatever it is. Usually leads to like more problems.

So he's like doing what Ving told him to do and like wild animals approach, which is to approach them with openness. So he goes, I am quite insecure sometimes. Sometimes when people don't immediately like my ideas, I just throw them away. I see it. He says that he says, I see it as a personal attack. OK. I have a quick question. Ving's they're targeting me when they say when they don't immediately laugh hysterically, it's a betrayal. Every step you take backwards. Yeah.

He goes, when Jessica doesn't laugh into the mic, it's because she's trying to convince the audience that I am bad. Finally. There is a crazy person. Imagine this is when I reveal that I'm a psychopath. Here is a question I have. Ving's new move worlds echo. I have an answer. It says in your presence. OK, I am here then. Yes. OK. I feel like I can see him across the little pond. They're still like. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So are you like calling out to Ving?

Like, I feel like Ving needs to be like, all right, everybody can talk to this thing instead of it just being able to talk, you know? OK, yeah. I'm like, thank help me. Roll a Defied Danger charisma to not get this thing to immediately attack you. Tuck us out. May Ving, there's a thing here. Eight.

So Ving, you hear you hear tuck calling and through the like waning light, you see him standing with his arms up and a large bird seemingly made of rushes and water grass approaching him from the side of the pond. OK, I want to get over there. OK, yeah, you can run around the lake pretty easily. OK. And the bird is there. It is about six and a half, seven feet tall. Be open. Be open, Tuck. What did I tell you? All right. I have a hard time dealing with a high emotion scene.

So I just make dick jokes instead. And the bird now in Ving's presence kind of tilts. It's weird green gray head. Are you a fish? We are not fish. We are friends of the feather and it tilts its head the other way and goes, that's what a fish would say. Because it doesn't want to get eaten. And and Tucka's would a fish do this. I can't wait to see what this is. Yeah, he takes a deep breath. The bear. Oh, that is actually pretty smart. Yeah, slowly covers.

Suddenly, yeah, Tucklings over and puts an arm around Ving to like obscure his neck. Just two normal guys. Yeah, let's breathe into each other's mouths to show how much we love air. That's what fish do. All right. Defied danger charisma. Seven. OK, just barely. Yeah. I think just as Ving starts to cover his neck, the bird sees the gills. Well, if you're not a fish, why is your friend a fish? Why would a non fish be hanging out with a fish? Oh, Billy, here's squawking. And he like comes over.

What's going on? A fish. I'm not a fish. No, I can't hear you. No, you can hear it. Now that you get here, yeah, scram. And it extends its wings and rustles its brushes. You don't scare me. Now there's three of you and it's kind of looking to the three of you. There are no fish here. You have to go to the river for that. You know it. Defied danger charisma. Eleven. Oh, OK, that's the only good role. That's it. Yeah, finally. It's just you're doing the hand waving to a broom.

And I look at you guys. I'm like, usually if you have a broom, you want to keep a broom on you when you come out here. Because they don't like all that stuff. Billy knows how to deal with these animals. Because he gets chased away with so many brooms. Actually, Billy knows how to deal with these animals. Billy, what is this animal? It's a swamp. Heron. They can't fly. They can't fly. I like it.

So when you start doing the brush light or the broom like movements in its face, it's like, huh, I hate all that stuff. Yeah, I know it. I mean, I know you can't fly away. And it like hops out of the river and kind of does like a ostrich run a little bit across. Go. OK, all right, fine. But I'll be back fish. We are not fish. I'll be the man. Oh, boys. Human boys. I'll be back. And it gets out of Vang's world's echo region. Use your. I'll be my heart. And it runs off into the mist.

Wow, thanks, Billy. If you don't have a broom, you can offer them granolas. If you don't have granola, I think you just have to insult him at that point. They're really insecure about not being able to fly. Oh, that's fucking hilarious. They're really top heavy, too. So you can always use the end of the broom to knock them over. We look into the pond and there's a few of them that are just on their side. Just kicking their legs. And then it goes nature in our world is stupid.

Billy, you know this area, right? I mean, I know it OK. Do you know where because we're going to try and ride down the sunwise and the winter shins? What direction is that? We're not on the river. Are we? No, I'd say you're a bit away. Yeah, we're still in the kind of like the like swampy area. He like licks his finger, puts in the air. I think the river goes that way. Yep, and you're going east. We're going east. And I think the navigate thing that I'm going to choose is the going is slow.

Like I think it's a lot of like, all right, looking for the river bed. And also me like looking at grubs and snacks. Billy is navigating, so it is predictably slow. Yeah. Oh, it's over this way. And then he just is eating berries off a bush. Yeah, I found some salmon berries. We are in the terrible parental situation where our child now has control over our time. I am abusing it. Let this happen. It's his land. We don't know it here. Exactly. You got to respect me now.

Billy, we always respect you. You don't respect me was bath time. Yes, we do. That's why we force you to have a bath. No, it is against our ways. It's a health thing you have to bathe. I lived for so long with a bath and I turned out just fine. You had thrush when we met. I don't know what that is.

And the going is slow, so I think that means that as you're walking down these river beds and waiting for Billy to finish eating salmon berries and waiting for Billy to stop eating the berries that are not edible. That waiting for Billy to have diarrhea because he ate an inedible berries. He's like, I have to go my favorite diarrhea spot. You have to wait here. I have to go to the grass. So take care of this. I also like two parents arguing over how they walk the dog.

You don't have to let him stop and sniff every spot. No, he has to be able to do what he wants. Everyone's like, wow, you just nudge Billy with your food. He doesn't really know the thing. Keep going. Keep moving. I think night falls as you're traveling. Oh, and we see the night sky. Oh, that's true. Because we haven't seen it for a while because we've been in the gray. Yeah. Through the gaps in the storm above, you see the dark, dark night sky and the cold white stars that shine within.

I would like to use night moves. Very well. I actually think I changed night moves to also be more mechanically distinct. Great. When you spend time contemplating the movement of the stars and the night, roll plus wisdom. On 10 plus, the GM will answer one question. Seven and nine, the GM will ask you one question in return. Oh, sick. That's I like that. I love it. Ten. Oh, fuck. Yeah. No. So I'll answer one question. One question.

And keep in mind, I think we can all understand and agree that there are bounds to the questions that can be answered by watching the movement. Where is the God gun that will kill the gibbous man? Where is the God gun that shoots smaller gods at other gods? Also I'm assuming that this means we are stopping for the night. That this is a camp situation.

I feel like this would be a situation where we're walking and then we like the canopy lifts or the storm lifts and then we see the night sky and we're like Billy, we need a fairy ring. Oh, that's a good idea. It's like a very ring. It's not safe for us to like keep traveling in the night. Do I do that before? And then we can do that before everything does night moves? Yeah. Sure. Okay. Do you want to read fairy ring? Yes.

Fairy ring is when you spend some time creating a protective ring of mushrooms, flower stones or the like roll plus wisdom. On a seven to nine, the ring requires your constant attention, but is only passable to those you choose on a 10 plus. It will last the night without maintenance. Great. Holy shit. Nice. 10. Holy shit. Okay. It's so easy. There's mushrooms. This is such a mushroomy area. Mushroom rocks and flowers. Oh, yeah. They just like it. They just sprout up around here. They're huge.

Oh my God. Three foot tall mushrooms. The ground is so horny. Oh, sorry thing. Oh my God. Mushrooms love this area. It's also like your homeland. Yeah. It's where your body is from. Yeah. They're almost just like Billy. Oh, yeah. They would know you. They're really cheerful looking mushrooms. Yeah. They're like kind of orange. It's like a surprise party. Oh, even the turkey tails on the rotten logs are like. Yeah. All the mushrooms around it are also springing to life. That's really cool.

Which kind of, that actually kind of makes sense for why we were going so fucking slow. Yes. Oh. There's fairies and everything that are like, Billy's back. It's matching up. Yeah. It's like walking around town with somebody who knows everyone. Yeah. So the ring will last the night. You will be protected within it. You're free to like, you know, open up the fanny pack if you so choose or just sleep on the ground. I would like to do night moves. Okay. I rolled a 10. Okay.

So you get one question related to whatever. Tuck is helping Billy make the fairy ring while you do this. I don't even have to help me with the fairy ring. I think you think you're helping me. I'm like, you got to move out of the way. And then I try to undo the fanny pack and that's what I need help with. It's just the clasp on the fanny pack. Yeah. Tuck is putting like logs around and you're like, stop. Stop.

Is there any route for us coming into the melee that keeps us out of the gaze of the Givesman? Oh, that's a good idea. Is there like a dark path or something that's a tunnel? A tunnel through the day. I want tunnel of darkness. I mean, he is or a literal tunnel because the riverways have tunnels in them. Like, yeah, there could be a literal tunnel or there could be old roads or something like that. Or roads that are shrouded by some sort of like presence of barrier, spirit or magic. Oh, yeah.

I think that like watching the stars and seeing where they're looking and where they're not looking, like watching which constellations wheel in which directions and which parts of the sky are avoided entirely. You feel in the currents of the turning of the stars, a path that leads sort of in the direction that you were hoping to go.

Like the Everwood Valley is if not a safe place currently safe from the fighting, but the river that was turned away that once passed through mudlark centuries ago, you believe, passes through a winding mountain valley crisscrossed with ancient mountain tunnels, old abandoned roads that led to cities of men from millennia ago, passing through marshland that the stars fear. Oh, whoa. Oh, that the marsh of mother never was.

I don't know if the characters would know that, but that is what the players would know. Oh, okay. Is there is something about mother never was and the marsh that she inhabits that is not safe, but is dangerous in a different way. So is this kind of like a minds of Moria situation? Exactly.

Where we can pass through the mountains and because it's like so outside of the realm of the Gibbiss man and like touched by other magics, we can potentially like skulk through without him, but it comes out in a dangerous place. Yeah, exactly. Opens us up to new dangers. So there is a safer path that is not exposed to the night sky. Yeah, safer from the Gibbiss man. Saver from the Gibbiss man. Yeah. Okay. And the night continues. Anything else anyone wants to handle in the evening?

Can I talk with a fairy? Absolutely. I do step out of the protective ring. I have to, but it's an old stump that was burned once in a fire. Oh, okay. Yeah. So there's an old stump and what is the fairy that is a part of this stump look like? Oh, he is like, kind of looks like a short Morgan Freeman. I guess. Okay. Yeah, totally. It's got a lot of freckles. Yeah. Very freckly. Like, kind of looks like the stump that he is connected to. Yeah, like freckly, super wrinkled, I guess. Yeah.

Is that okay? Or is that dumb? Usaying Morgan Freeman looks like a stump is just an accurate description of Morgan Freeman. He kind of looks like a weird old stump. Yeah. I have to do the Morgan Freeman. That's great. Hi, Billy. It's me. Stumpy. Stumpy. It's been so long. I've got to have a better name than Stumpy. I think Stumpy's fine. Stumpy's fine. Okay. So you approach the stump and there's a little old stump man sitting on top of it, smoking a long pipe. How's it going, Stumpy?

Well, I'll be. It is me. An old friend. He like, and creakily slides down the stump and extends his arms. Hi, hug him. Oh, I never thought I'd see you again, Billy. How have you been? I've been busy. I've been all over the place. How have you been? Oh, you know, a stump. Nice. I miss being a stump sometimes. Stumpy. I have a favorite ask. Well, not really a favorite. I guess a favorite in a way. I just need like info, like what's been going on around here? The ground tastes weird.

So this sounds like a perfect opportunity to use a move of Billy's. Sure. Connections. Yeah. Which I also change the wording of. Okay. So connections. When you put out word to the ragamuffins or local fairies about something you want or need, roll plus charisma on a 10 plus someone has it just for you on a seven to nine you'll have to settle for something close or it comes with strings attached. Your call. Okay. Plus charisma. Sick. 13. Look, I could have put you on so many side quests just now.

Now I have to just answer a question. Sorry. You guys never let me play. Never let me play. I'll play the game too, you know. So Stumpy leans back on his stump, takes a long drag out of his pipe. And what what Stumpy seems like an autumn fairy. Yeah. And he's super wise and chill and loves the smoke. Yeah. And he loves to sometimes sneak off into the village to gather a bunch of smoke. Oh, like he's smoke? Yeah, he just carries it in like a backpack of his. Yeah.

And then he takes it back to his stump and he just like inhales a bunch of. Yeah, I like his. He loves his bag. I like that Billy doesn't think it's weird, but if you look at his like the bowl of his pipe, there's no like tobacco in it. It's just like a rolling ball of smoke. That's cool. And he just deep drag of and breeds out this like campfire scent all around you. I'm sorry. What was your question?

Oh, I just want to know like what's been going on here because I was tasting the ground on the way and everything tastes like kind of off. Yes, it's been a hard time in the mountains and in the valley. You might have heard on the winds a while ago the valley flooded. Yeah. It was a difficult time for the people down there. It's still a bit wet around here. Is it still flooded?

It's threatening the storms and he looks up at the gathering storms above one good rain and it could wash the whole valley away. Are the people acting weird? Well, define weird. Well, you know, like are they like are they just like fighting more amongst each other? I mean, he takes another drag from his pipe. Are they letting people in across the river? He's like looking up at the storm and blows a bunch of smoke out. What? I'm sorry. What was your question? Stumpy. I'm sorry.

You know how it is. I get lost in thought sometimes. Let me hold your pipe. What's in this thing? Yeah. He's doing the whip. It's really hard. It's just sucking on a whipped cream can. So you take his pipe away and he goes, okay, any slats and stuff in the face. Wake up. Wake up. Okay, all right. I'm back. I'm back. Well, actually thank you for taking that. You know, that's that's the good stuff. I got that right out of a cook fire. I know. Oh, they were cooking bacon, weren't they?

They were cooking bacon, Billy. Stumpy, you have to take a break sometimes. I can tolerance break. Yeah. Tuck is like sitting in the in the fairy circle, like watching Billy because Billy was like, I have to go outside of the fairy circle. So he's been watching him this whole time. Billy's got like a pine cone that he's smelling like it's a cigar and it's like, what the fuck is going on over there? This kid. She can have figured the stump and smacking it.

When he hugged the stump earlier, he got like, so much so it's just like, we're going to have to fucking give him a bath. So sick of bathing this kid. So Stumpy says, well, after the floods, as you can understand, things got a little lean in the Everwood Valley people. People got insular. The communities got desperate. Did they start eating each other? What? No. What are you saying is Stumpy? No, Billy, no. It's not that kind of show. But then once things started looking they're grimaced.

Once yeah, I said that when things started looking they're grimace. He's doing the high guy thing where it's like, that word cannot be. He says grimace and then he like squints and looks at you. Grimace, is that the right word? I mean, it feels right for the situation. All right. Well, that's how grim they were looking. Then the hogs came. The hogs? The hogs. Oh no. Stumpy tell me that ain't so. Led by that great battle bore. Raise a tusk. No. Not again. And just acre after acre of pig.

They must eat in all the squash. Oh, they ate the squash. The yams. They ate the aubergines. No. They ate the cornish ones. Even the cornish ones. Things are not good in the Everwood Valley, Billy. It is a veritable hog apocalypse. No wonder that Aaron came asking for fish. There must be none left in the river. The hogs ate it. No. They ate them all. The hogs didn't eat the fish. The rivers are one of the, they tried the hogs they tried. They choked the rivers with their great bulk.

And though the halflings are the hardy people, it is the fighting has been bitter. And sometimes delicious. When we are able to bring down one of those mighty hogs. Those mighty hogs. But the halflings, as you know, they abhor the meat of all living things. I know. Oh, I didn't know that. Oh, yeah. Halflings are vegetarians. Meat is like they're famine food, which means I guess they're probably eating the hogs when they can. Yeah. That's, that's the bacon. That's the bacon. That's the bacon.

I'm sorry, Billy. I was enjoying the smoke so much. I didn't even realize that the bacon. No, I should have realized why else would they be making bacon? I can come back to Tucker and he's talking to me. He's like, I can smell bacon. I can smell bacon. I can smell bacon. Is it on me? Is it me? Do I smell bacon? It leans in his snips and he smells just as priceless. Smells like bacon. It doesn't smell like bacon, but it smells like. Yeah, I do. Like glaciers.

Let me just make sure it's not you again. Smells like clean sweat. I don't know where that bacon is making my hornie. Where did you say? I said glaciers and sweat. Do you ever women authors describe the smell of a guy in a room in a small bowl? Smells like exertion in a field after telling. We say musk. I'm like, what is musk? It's inside of a deer. It's the outside of a man. It's like a baseball mitt full of cut grass. Thanks. Yeah, that is what Stumpy has to share with you. The hogs?

We remember the hogs. I think it might have been established in a piece of bonus content. Maybe just say it. Okay. Okay, for the listeners then to the east of the Everwood Valley is a place known as the hoglands that were overrun with pigs. A few decades ago, it was previously fertile farmland that has become just a place full of pigs. Every once in a while, the pigs sweep into the Everwood Valley. Oh, yeah, there was a hog that ran for president and got into years in a row.

When they can get across the river, when the tide comes down, that's when they're like the incursion happened. Exactly. When they came to get across the sunwise and the winter shins. That's the worst is because the flooding comes and then the waters recede and then the pigs can get across. Yes. What was your thing that you're on? He just wants to make the, he wants to make the Everwood Valley good again. Jesus Christ. But there's a Trump pig.

But the hogslands are quote unquote led because it cannot be more. It cannot be more established that the majority of the hogs, 99% of the hogs in the hoglands are pigs. Regular ass pigs, pig intelligence. So pretty smart, but still pigs. One of them, when known as razor tusk, is a trained war pig from like a dwarven like no-mish settlement that wandered his way into the hoglands and was like, I will lead you. There's so much going on off screen and it's all so stupid.

A little red hat to say, make hog America great again. Make America. America. Yeah, pretty good. Great. Okay. So yeah, that and that is what Stumpy, the Everwood Valley is basically a big deal. It is basically in the midst of the hog times. The hog times are the hard times. Though there are enclaves of safety. There are roving bands of hogs. Still? Still. Okay. I appreciate you telling me all this. I appreciate you coming to visit, Billy. Always. Well, she's at his hand and gestures.

And I spin it. Oh, Billy. Well, what else do you want? You want my hand? My pot, Billy. Oh, right. I'm sorry. I didn't know if you wanted the spit of friendship or something else. It is. As ever. And he spits in his own hand and then clasps your hand. Fairly will. May you live many moons. And he climbs back up on his stump and like leans back on his hand and smokes and stares at the stars. Okay. I'm going to head back. It's not far. Time to head back. Here we go. That stuff is back back.

Take the straps. My little bindle. Three steps. And I tell you both what stump he told me. Oh, shit. Hmm. Look, I know it's to you. It just sounds like a bunch of pigs, but it's a big deal to us. You can't. Well, you did keep saying it was a bunch of pigs. It's mostly a bunch of pigs, but then there's the one big pig who's really evil. And to the halflings, a bunch of pigs is a lot more than that. Exactly. Exactly.

There were multiple times in the conversation where we stopped Billy and we were like, so it is a bunch of pigs, right? That's what you're describing. They're not just pigs is what I'm telling you. No, they're just pigs plus a war pig. Plus one crazy. You make it sound manageable, but it's not. No, not for halflings. We're just doing it for our own management. Yeah, we're not trying to minimize what you're explaining to us at all. Okay, fine. Fine. It just sounds like a bunch of pigs.

This is why I never tell you things. I don't tell you anything. Billy, what are you asking right now? Are we here to help the halflings in their pig plight? I mean, I think so because usually like wild Bill will chase off the pigs, but I don't know if he's sick or something because they're still roaming around. Can we help them chase the pigs off and they might be able to help us? So you want us to like try and get the pigs out of the Everwood Valley? Yeah. Yeah, Billy, that's okay with me.

Okay. It's your home. Oh, okay. Yeah, we could totally help it. Thanks. You helped in my home. We helped the tux. We helped. Yeah, we helped my home. I mean, all we did was like burn down tree or whatever and then like help fix a religion at yours. Oh, all we did was collapse a church. Yeah, no big deal. These are the pigs. The hog times. Billy, we'll help you and the hog times. Thank you. Hog times have come to the Everwood Valley. Where do you suggest that we go?

I think we should start at Lone Tree Hill just to make sure. Okay. And that's where the big farm is as well. So like there's a lot of root of baggas that we would grow and the pigs may have got to it. Who knows? So maybe the pigs are targeting the stores there too. Oh, it could be. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, we'll go to the, we'll, we'll sleep tonight and then it's kind of on our way. So we'll go to the Everwood Valley and then find this pig and they get rid of it. Yes, the pigs.

And then guys, this is stupid. This is stupid. Did I introduce this to the dog? I love it. This is perfect. It's funny that we're being somewhat dismissive. Okay. We're going to, oh, fuck, that's a lot of pigs. Yeah. Yeah, we're doing the parent thing where we are like pretty sure this isn't that big a deal. You guys imagine like teacup pigs running around? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You even said like it's pretty much on the way. Yeah. Like this horrible hog pocalypse is basically just on our route.

We could stop by and save America. Thank you. Thank you. The halflings will forever be in your debt. Also I'd love to see where you're from. Yeah. Yeah. I forgot about that. I mean, they don't like me very much. They might not be very happy to see us. I bet they liked you more than you think they did. Yeah. Then I guess the night just we, I guess we would just close it on the night. Yeah. I like Billy around the fire telling us about hog pocalypse. Yeah.

I think we have a previous hog pocalypse is. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Let's hear a little bit of a previous hog pocalypse. Okay. So, well, one year they ate all the carrot tops, which as you know is our favorite source of salad. So we had nothing else to eat for salad. So. And we didn't know where the carrots were then. We didn't know where the carrots were. So like eventually like, you know, here we are digging up a whole farm and no carrots to be found. We missed every carrot somehow.

And then it wasn't until the next flood when all the heat and then they grew too big. The next flood came and all the carrots floated to the surface and they're like, they're like the size of me. Oh my God. They're huge. And his Billy is giving this professional pantomime performance of the year the carrots got too big. The carrots got too big. It's really Cirque du Soleil. Yeah. Markablets.

The embers of the fire up out of the fairy ring into the gorgeous night sky sinister and dark and the end of another day. And that's where we'll end it for this week. I'm your Game Master, Sean O'Hara. Joining me is always playing to combadom the barbarian of Bule Aziz. So long playing Ving the half elf druid Paul Opers. Hug pocalypse. And playing fat Billy the half like thief Jessica died. They are not just pigs. Thank you to Aaron Reed for our intro and outro music.

You can find all of Aaron's personal music under Aaron Charles Reed or ACR at erinreed.bandcamp.com and all the music Aaron has made for the show written by Abdul and myself at soundcloud.com. Thank you to all of our supporters around the world. Without you, this show simply would not be possible.

If you want to support the show and get access to bonus content, including gift boxes, games run by Abdul and myself and blades in the dark campaign set in the highest beer mall, check us out at patreon.com or speltlord or speltlord.com. Thank you finally and most of all to all of you for listening. We'll see you next time.

Hey, tuck here telling you to donate to speltlord.com slash money, please or patreon.com slash spelt more for more of this. I'm doing an act out, but you can't see it below the table. Show me your hands right now. No, I'm still doing it. Show me your hands right now. No, why? Because I'm masturbating. Now the round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes, noble and bold. A brooch, a druid and a thief who is but not his old. You know them by name, you know them by deed.

Their quests are famously daring. So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing. Tuck is the brooch, your nose not as lonely, lust is singing fine. Fingers at the healthy, ships is shaping, wields is near with great mind. The early zith is tiny, sized as mass, the largest heart. Best in revs, they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts. So gather round friends and listen close. For the tales about this door. Hello everybody and welcome to Speltlord.

I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara and joining me is always playing Tacoma Dome, the barbarian of dual disease. Tuck here coming at you live from fucka-palooza. The only festival where you fuck. Playing the half-elf druid, Paul Oppers. Hi, this is me at home with a basement. I was not invited to fucka-palooza. They said the car was full. I saw them leave on a bus. Sorry, being a car full, you can't come to fucka-palooza. Those are train tickets, I said. Dude, what?

I'm just imagining him standing on the curb watching the bus pull away going, oh man, I wanted to go to fucka-palooza. I do. All right. Playing fat-billy, the half-ling thief, Jessica Ty. I bought tickets to the wrong festival. But you're going to a tea festival. You want to fucka-palooza? Yeah, I thought I was going to fucka-palooza. I had my fudge outfit on. What's a fudge outfit? You were getting all the wrong attention. Are you dressed as fudge or dressed to eat fudge?

Just, I mean both, because you have to be. So you wear your brownest outfit and the stretchy. Not because you're tummy-expansing, because you have to go the bathroom really fast. Yeah, you want to be able to rock. Yeah, you don't want to deal with any buttons and zippers. Dude, that brown mom over there, she said that her clothes are for easy acts. Access. And Billy's like, same. Kelly. Joy-fudge-a-palooza. Yeah. And Joy-fudge-a-palooza, lady. Yeah. What's a fudge-a-palooza?

He's just being polite. Uh-oh. Oh. When last we left our heroes, they traveled upon the back of Gail, the mighty Thunderbird, to their destination, the city of high spear to drop off their companions, the wizards, Morris and Pirelle, at the base of said high spear. While in route, they took the secret Thunderbird paths using their superior navigation skills and mastery over flight to course between the winds and the storm clouds.

While traveling, Vang, I believe, with his superior elf-like vision, spotted in the clouds, a great shape that resolved itself to be an elemental Thunderbird with a bezor made of roiling black cloud, which Gail announced to be an extension of throne-breakers will in the storm itself.

Fleeing from the Thunderbird, elemental, the party and Gail dove deep into the mountain range below, on the edge of the great forest, passing into a sort of nebulous zone between the forest, the principalities, and the Everwood Valley.

Using a combination of Billy's spring-fairy illusion abilities and Vang's ability to draw clouds and mist around them in a shield, the party was able to kind of take the Thunderbird elemental off course in exchange for becoming desperately hopelessly lost within the mountains. A lighting on a cliffside plateau, Billy told everybody that he actually recognized the area and that they were a day or two's travel away from the Everwood Valley itself.

Gail shaken to her very core by the attack of the elemental Thunderbirds, announced that it was no longer safe for them to travel with her, because if something were to happen to the three of you, then all would be lost. All our patrons would be lost. And all of our Patreon dollars would be lost. You can't afford the Sisporters.

So Gail left you and you made a plan to travel on foot, first to the Everwood Valley, down the Wittershins and the Sunwise, to an unnamed river that goes through the mountain ranges to Heisbier. Then making camp, Ving communed with the stars using his night moves to watch the movements of the celestial bodies and to determine a safe route, safe from the prying eyes of the Gibbiss man, through a winding marsh valley through the mountains crisscrossed with ancient stone tunnels.

And also the domain of Mother Never Was. Billy spoke with an old friend, a fairy named Stumpy. So called because he's a stump. He lives in a stump. He lives in a stump. And Stumpy told Billy that the things in the Everwood Valley aren't looking great. The floods that we've heard about, I think since like season six, season four, took a great toll on the crops of the Everwood Valley and then following the floods came the hogs.

The hogs from the hog land swept into the valley and now after the weeks, months of bitter fighting against the hogs, roving bands of pigs remain. And the party has resolved to go and aid the halflings, however they can, making for lone tree hill. Resolved is maybe a strong word, we casually agreed to stop on the way. Because Billy seemed really worried about a bunch of pigs. It's a drive through. Yeah, exactly. We're just like, yeah, dude, whatever. Yeah, it's what, yeah.

Go look at the pigs if you want. Yeah. Go look at them. Yeah. Like I have to tell you guys, it's not a petting zoo. And that is where we find the party now. I think walking and this is the conversation that's going on. It's like, yeah, whatever. It's like pigs. It's fine. Whatever you guys will see. And then you won't be so brave. Like you'll be like, oh no, Billy, help us. And I'll be like, oh, sorry. I thought it was just a bunch of pigs.

And as this conversation comes to an end, I think you come out of the hills. Yeah. I think we reach the eponymous Everwood Valley, which stretches out before us. The sun is up, the clouds are gray, but there's some blue sky sneaking through. And we see a large like off into the horizon, like mountains on the far edge, but we are in a large mountain valley, a glittering river, courses down one side in front of you, coursing to the south and far to the south.

You see it bend around and course back up to the north. That's the sunwise and the Wittershins. That is the sunwise and the Wittershins. Billy, a very familiar sight. I made that. And that is actually, we are, like it's, tuck his herd of the sunwise and the Wittershins. And he was sort of aware that Billy was like involved in making it, but it's like crazy to watch. Yeah. Like it's a river that courses in the wrong direction. It does not make sense when you look at it.

It's like looking at an M.C. Escher painting in real life. I think I think. I think it's a boba-yest strip of water. Yeah. I think the side that you're on is the one that makes sense because it feels like it's going away from the mountains. But then, yeah, farther to the east, you can see it moving towards the mountains and you're like, what the fuck? The big's heard about it, but only through Billy and stuff.

He's heard of them and he pictured like uniting these tiny little streams sitting on a creek edge. Yeah. It's like, oh my God. It's huge. It's like the width of Niagara Falls is the most. Yeah. Oh, yeah. So right, we're on, we're like at a higher elevation. We're not quite out of the hills. We're looking down into the valley. I imagine we came out like, there's a mountain path and we came out and you see the entirety of the valley in front of you. Yeah. Yeah.

And so, yeah, so to the south, I forgot the namesake of the valley. The river rushes down to the south into a forest. Not quite great forest in scale, but it looks like, you know, there's like primordial forests that they have in some parts of England where the trees aren't big, but they're fucking old. Yeah. It's got that kind of vibe. It's like a border sort of oak and peach and you forest, but ancient trees.

If you were being chased by bandits, you would be like, you'd stop and look at the bandits and then look in the forest and be like, okay. And you'd run in and they would not chase it. I'm not going in there. Yeah. Exactly. That's monsters in them woods. Yeah. That's a bunch of stories. Yeah. And then a guy goes in and he's clutching his spear and he's shaking looking in the trees. So lanterns. This is a thing we're watching happen. And it just is. There's a bunch of bandits down there. Yeah.

So that's what we see. I mean, we can see the whole valley laid out before us. So we see halfling villages. Yeah. Dodding the landscape. If I remember, I mean, Jessica, you can help fill some of this in. Oh, sure. Yeah. They never get that big, right? Halfland villages? No, no, they're very small, but like close together, you know, you could easily visit each other. Yeah. Are they like kind of like close to the river sort of thing or are there like also settlements inland as well?

Yeah, they're everywhere in land near the river. There's even some kind of like on the eastern side that encroach on the mountain. But that's like the hardiest. Those are the badass happenings. Yeah. What is their closest to the hoglands? Yeah. But they also have like killer thigh muscles and quads and stuff. It looks like squirrels. Like scallions. All right. And we talked about how like the halflings have sort of on top of just right. They're getting the river around.

They've like taken advantage of the flow and they create like channels and stuff like that, right? Yeah. There's different channels that cut through. Sick. There's like little draw bridges and like the boats will regularly circle around the river. I imagine that there's some automation to it because of how predictable the river flow is. So they like right in a box. Yeah. Yeah. I create on there and what I end up over there, you don't have to worry about it. Yeah.

There's like no river fairy, like ferrymen that like go down the river. You just hop on a boat that's passing by. Yeah. That's great. Like a fogger. Yeah. Yeah. So considering the current state, the floods and the hogs, what do we see as being like the current state of the Everwood Valley? Do we see lots of boats? Do we see people or is it like you see like a swarm of hogs in the far distance like feeling about in a field? I mean, the thing with the hogs is that they root up the ground.

So you'd see a lot of rooting destroyed farmers fields. Yeah. So a lot of it is super muddy and gross. Yeah. Like it's not very green. Like it usually would be. There's small trees and bushes that have been uprooted. Smash box and boat flots of a jetsamel like clumps of wood floating in the wintershins. Yeah. It's a scene of destruction kind of, but also cute because it's all really little.

There's a lot of the boat slash wagons have been repurposed for now to create barricades around things that they're trying to keep safe. Is there a walking dead vibe where there is like, yeah, there's like makeshift like like walls and stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Great. So we're going into an actual hog pocalypse. Yeah. And Billy's like seeing it before. He's like, yeah, you know, when I get to this is what they turn into. Yeah.

They are they look like the people from the walking dead where they're like some of them. We can see in the distance, some of them have like little samurai swords. The one person has a bow. But you can see even from this great distance away, the Everwood is untouched. The what is the ever? Oh, it's the fourth. The fourth. Yeah.

The forest of the southern base of the valley where the withershins and the sunwires do pass through the Everwood on their way back north, which I guess that would probably be considered the quote unquote separation point where it's like, this is the sunwise. This is the withershins. Right. Where it turns back north. Yeah. Can I ask one more question? I just want to know if the barricaded town is Lontry Hill. They're all barricaded in some way. Every town is like, yeah.

Or some of them maybe one of them is destroyed. It's like it goes like not barricaded destroyed, not barricaded, destroyed, barricaded. Yeah. The hogs came from a distance. You can see kind of where they washed in from. Yeah. I think relative to halflings, but also the taller folks, I think you've got a little bit of a walk before you get to Lontry Hill. Yeah. That makes sense. It's kind of in the north part of it. Yeah.

I love that it's like a flat valley and it's just like, like actually like a tiny bump. It's literally a small hill. Yeah. It makes it just, it makes sense. It's north because it's not close to the Everwood. So it's strange that there's a tree on a hill. Yeah. Yeah. I'm trying to get a sense of how big the area within the sunwise and the withershins is. Is it the size of? It's like Langford. It's all of Langford. Right. So it's like, if you were a halfling, it's huge.

And for halfling, it's the size of all event, Cooper. Yeah. But for a human being, it would take you maybe two hours to walk across. That's the whole thing. Okay. I've got to change the scale in my head. I do have the idea that the camera sees the valley and it's this like rolling like destroyed massive place and then you guys step into frame and it's like a mini golf course. Oh, God. Yeah. Wait, I like that. It takes like three or four hours to walk across. It's the whole valley.

Does that make sense or show? It does. It makes no one. We're talking about a civilization of people that are two feet tall or shorter. Yeah. It makes perfect sense. And it's, but I do like the idea that the sunwise and the withershins is still huge. It's big. It's like, it's like the Fraser River. Yeah. Like when you're taking the sky train. Yes. Mm hmm. Okay. So we would say that Lone Tree Hill is a two or three hour walk away. Yeah.

Unimpaded, of course, if there's no problems, which we'll see. I don't see any problems from here except for all those pigs. To do we see some pigs? I think you do. Yes. Let's discern reality is two to six plus wisdom. Nice. I got 11. Holy shit. Three questions. Which should I be on the lookout for? I think if you squint, you can see like groups of pigs walking around, but not a massive hoard. I like that a lot are just sleeping in the mud though. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Totally.

So there's like mud covered pigs that you can't even see. And the farmers are just like so steamed about it. They're just like, yeah, I'm like, yeah, I'm like, yeah, I'm like, yeah. Okay. So I think that actually is the answer is you do see groups of pigs walking around and you're like, oh yeah, there they are. But then you're looking at a nearer field that's just churned mud and you're like, oh man, just an empty field.

And then a dozen pigs like get up from the mud and you're like, oh fuck, I didn't see those things at all until they started moving. Oh. So something to keep an eye out for is the fact that these pigs could be anywhere. Okay. Okay. So we're all looking at one because we're all looking out over the valley. Okay. They're like land mines, land swines, crocodile or alligators, how do you swamp? Right. Yeah. You think it's a log in there like, wait a second. That's a massive crocodile. Okay.

Uh, I want to ask what here is useful or valuable to me. What here is useful or valuable? I have a idea. Yeah. There's a like a zip line sort of thing with like a bucket. Oh, like a gondola thing. Yeah. You could fit a halfling in the bucket or like some food. Oh, maybe goes up to like a mountain blueberry patch. Yeah. Send down blueberries and cranberries from the mountains. So we can maybe get across that way. Yeah. Or a baby billy can. We'll let it hold our way.

I mean, it holds a lot of blueberries. It's seven pounds worth. I know it can hold me in a full bucket of blueberries. It might touch me. It's not enough. Oh yeah. This thing will hold us. And it's literally a close line. But you know what that does tell you is that there's food up there. Oh yeah. If there's no food down there, there might be halflings up there that can help or food that you can get to give you leverage when you get down to the valley. Oh okay. Oh okay. Nice.

Jess, do you want to pick one from the discern reality list? Sure. Um, I want to ask who's really in control here other than the pigs. I mean, I think if we're looking out over a walking dead, we might see like a faction or something happening popping out, right? Right. Maybe yeah. Or whatever. Yeah. Or like it's clear that the lot of people holding out are there. Oh, I feel like we're using the binoculars to really like zoom in and. Oh yeah. Yeah. Enhancing.

It would be so funny if there was like some fucked up halfling that was like, I am the warlord of blood tree. Yeah. There's somebody who's not usually in charge trying to take charge. Like they took over like they're like, I don't like how the mayor. I'm now the mayor. He's making America great again. Oh yeah. I mean, I don't hate the idea that yeah, Billy likes zooms in with his binoculars because he's like, Oh, lone tree hill is over this way.

And you see that there is a huge barricade around lone tree hill. Whoa, that's really big. Yeah. Well, I mean, you know, it's like four and a half feet taller, whatever. Huge. How are we going to get over that? And you see like halflings in scavenged armor patrolling the top of the wall and you see a banner. You see a banner hanging off the wall and you zoom in and the banner is it's black and then it's got an orange shape on it of a gourd vegetable with angry eyes and a mean now.

You just did a smile for a mean. Am I making the halfling Lance too, stupid? No, it's perfect. Yeah. I mean, if we're all digging this, this is for us. So they basically have a jack-o-lantern. Yeah. Okay. There's yeah, they have jack-o-lanterns like on like on the spikes. Yeah. Yeah. They have rotting pumpkins on spikes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's like the symbol of death. Okay.

And then in the distance we hear open the doors and then we hear another halfling go, do you have food for the pumpkin king? Yeah. All hail the pumpkin king. You see the halfling hold up a little sack and you hear coo coo coo coo coo as a big cart is pushed to the side. That's a normal size card. By eight halflings throwing their weight against the cart. I feel like yeah, the fence around this town is the size of like just a regular fence. You could buy it at a home depot. Yeah. Yeah.

But it'll keep your fence. Yeah. But it'll keep any halfling out for sure. It'll keep pigs out too. Uh-huh. So it would appear, Billy, because you've never seen any sort of organization like this in your time in the halfling lands that someone is seizing control. Someone's hoarding the food. Yeah. In this time of trouble. Are you doing okay? This is like your home. Yeah, I just don't know who's doing that. It's weird. I feel weird in my hands. Like I want to beat them up. In your hands.

Do the energy release. No, I want it to. I want the madness to hit them in the face. That goes against all halfling rules. It's not kept when they did it to me all the time. The only time it's allowed. So you're getting other halflings? Yeah. Not okay. Yeah, because they're intrinsically quite socialist, right? Yeah, it's the only way that halfling survive is to work together. Right. Yeah, I remember it's an interesting system of like their communities are very insular.

But if you're in the community, everybody gets what they need. Yeah. But they're wary of outsiders where they're like, what are you doing? So yeah, you can continue down into the valley, which is, you know, but a 45 minute hour probably out of the mountains. Yeah. I think we need to bring a food offering. It just makes sense to get into this town. I think so. Great. Okay. We need to have power of some kind and food is the main source of power.

Can I roll plus wisdom to try and have a quickly forage as much as possible? I mean, to intelligently using my wisdom. Oh, and using your wisdom. Yes. Absolutely kid forage with defy danger wisdom. Great. I got nine. Okay. I can use a hand. I'll help. How is Billy helping by tasting? Yeah. He's like, you can't do it by sight alone to see which ones are the ripest. Yeah. 12. Jesus Christ. Holy shit. He comes to eating berries and billies like the best. I mean, anyone would know what a blueberry.

Yeah. These are blueberries. These are for sure. And then he eats more. Yeah. He's like, blueberries. You definitely need more of these. They're blueberries. And I also ate all of them. Yeah. I have find another bush, but they were blueberries. It's okay. We grow a lot at the same time. Yeah. And the blueberries. Yeah. So you get like a good like Tupperware containers worth of blueberries. That's it? Well, you're not at the blueberry patch.

You're just on a mountain trail considering that you've found a good amount of blueberries. Tucks like I found this. It's a panker. Delicious. That's all right. You cannot eat them. Can't you? I'm a hundred percent sure you can't eat. And you're just heading down into the valley from here? I mean, I kind of want to test out to see if this, if the zip line will work. Yeah. Can we try it? We can truck up to the zip line. I think so. Yeah. Let's do it.

It's a fairly easy walk unless we want to do a perilous journey. Chuck just starts cutting through the mountain trail to get the. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. 2d6 plus endurance or constitution constitution. Yeah. He's just like, yeah, Billy, right on my shoulders. Oh, seven. Wow. She has barely made it. These are fucking thorny Billy. What the fuck? Yeah. That's iron cherry. They only grow once every like 10 years. Should I take damage? It'd be pretty. Fuck it. Yeah. You can take damage. Yeah.

If you want that to be your seven to nine. Yeah. I want to push through, but take damage. Okay. D six. Yeah. One. Jesus Christ. I'm pretty cut up. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Definitely. It stings a lot. It's like cat scratches. Yeah. Some of those like Barry, you got some of the cherry juice in your, in your cuts. Yeah. It's not comfortable. Fuck it. Stinging nettles piece of shit. Fucking nature ass. Morning horny bush and you're hacking away, ving the experienced trailblazer and Forrester behind you.

It's like walks around. It takes, I don't know, 20 minutes, 30 minutes of walking. Yeah. To get to the plateau, the terrace basically, where these black, these blueberries grow. It looks like the halflings long ago, like you see mountainside, mountainside terrace. Like it was cleared out, leveled out, and then blueberries were foraged from the wild and grown up. It's kind of like a single like rice patty field kind of thing. Yeah. But it's just blueberries up there. Exactly.

It's really nice up here. It's really nice. It's great. Yeah. It says like blueberries. And then there's a other sign that says no billy allowed. Whoa. No billy. Billy can't read anyway. Not even any other billy. Sorry. It is crossed out and to clarify, it says fat billy allowed. No fat billy allowed. No fat billy allowed. It crossed it. They could have just added fat, but they crossed it. It crossed out billy in the rote fat billy next to it.

And you see these rows of blueberry bushes, fat with berries. Oh yeah, I absolutely take whatever can fit in my arms. And you start picking you here. All right, quick. Grab them. Grab as many as you can. Who's that? We got to get back to certain realities. To be six plus wisdom. I got 12. 12. Holy shit. What should I be on the lookout for? Quickly, you know, ducking out of the way into a blueberry bush. You see to adult halflings, a man and a woman wearing burlap tabards.

Like they've got burlap potato sacks over their torsos with like the sides cut. And then they have like belts around them and they have orange pumpkins painted on the front and they're shoving blueberries into bags. Quick. Got to clear them out. Oh, they're so short. And tuck goes, I think those are they they work for the pumpkin gang. Should we stop them or follow them? They're stripping the bushes. Like you can see they're just they're fucking cleaning them out.

Hey, they're cleaning out for all the what about all the people who and the village who aren't part of the pumpkin king. That's against the rules. You're supposed to leave half at all times. It's time I let out my anger fist. Why don't we try anger words first? Fine. Fine. You get two more questions if you want to, but you can hold on to them as well. But here is useful or valuable to me.

You see the the post that the the gondola is attached to and you see the bucket against the post of the gondola is at the top. Okay. Oh, nice. It is the size of a mop bucket, but yeah, it's here. What's about to happen? They are stripping the bushes very quickly, just like handfuls, not being thoughtful about the bushes at all. They're just ripping the berries off, taking branches with them. Oh my God.

They're destroying the patch and just shoving them into sacks and they are getting very close to tuck. So they are going to tuck is already bigger than most of the bushes here. It's only a matter of time before they see you. Yeah, he's put a pine cone in front of his face. But for the moment, human bite out of it, for the moment you have the you have the jump on them. I want to shoot first. Well, so what are you doing? Do we have like a net or anything like that? No, definitely not. No.

I guess I just have my fists on me. I mean, you have weapons if you like you have throwing knives and shit. Well, I want I punch one of them in the back of the head first. Yeah. Yeah. So are you trying to sneak up on them or are you just rushing out? I sneak up on them. Okay. So it's good. That's going to be a defy danger dexterity first before you hack and slash. But don't worry. Eleven. Okay. Billy is a leaf on the wind. Yeah. You push to Bush. And then I say, what the what are you doing?

I punch one of them in the back of the head. Back in slash two to six plus strength. Okay. Seven. Okay. So on a seven to nine, you deal your damage and they deal their damage. Okay. Two. Two. Yep. And yeah, roll a D six. Four. So you sneak up on this halfling, the young man and you, what are you doing? And you pop them in the back of the head. Yeah. And he goes, what? And he spins around with his bag and just whaps you with a full bag of blueberries. It's got branches and sticks. Yeah.

All the sticks kind of cut as they swing it at you and you take four damage. Wow. Rude. Rude. Both of the halflings now turn in sea Billy and they go, ah, I want to jump out and grab both their bags or one of the bags, the ladies bag. Yeah. Six plus dexterity. Ten. Ten. Yeah. You, you snatched the bag right out of her hands. Hey, drop that. Give me that bag. What are you doing with all these blueberries? These are property, a jack of the lantern, property, the pumpkin cake. Give me that bag.

And tuck has smeared his face with mud and blueberry juice and blueberry juice. And he, and his cuts are bleeding a lot. And then he like, he raises out of the bush that he's in and he's like, Jack of the lantern has something coming for him. I am hog Lord. And Billy also screams. He's terrified. He's put two sticks in his, in his mouth where the tusks look like. I don't see horns. Yeah. Yeah. 2d6 plus charisma. And he taped his nose. This is scotch. Take, tape to the back of his head.

It's insane. He looks insane. He took a piece of like leather strap and he took it around his head. Oink, oink, little halflings. Eight. Eight. Okay. The one that Ving yanks the bag out of the hands of the girl hits the mud and just splats and then like picks herself up and sees the hog Lord and screams and darts off into the trees. Whoa, whoa, whoa. I want to go after her. Okay. Yeah. Defy danger dexterity. Eight. Yeah. You catch up. What do you do? I jump on her and try to pin her down.

Fuck yeah. Yeah. That'll be defy danger strength for sure. Oh, 10. Okay. Yes. That's sick. Yes. Billy just pop up. Yeah. That's the one of the dirt. My full body weight, which is a lot bitch. I shouldn't have said that. I'm so sorry. Sorry, ma'am. And then from the blueberry bush. Well, you hear tucking Vingo. Whoa. I'm sorry. Okay. I'm sorry. Lady. It's better. It's just going. What are you doing here? Get the hog Lord. Get the hog Lord away.

And there's still the other halfling that hit Billy with the bag of bearings. I want to grab his bag of blueberries. He's 26 plus dexterity. Nine. Nice. Yeah. I'll help. I'll freaking him out. Okay. Two, six, nine. Yeah. Where are they? Where are the blueberries? What are you? Nine. Nice. So that makes it a 10. Okay. You get the bet. He sees the hog Lord too. And he pulls out a little halfling sized knife and goes, huh. I'll take the knife too.

You get the bag, but he does swipe at you with the knife. He's holding on to that. Okay. Okay. Okay. You're safe for now. The knife is shaking in his hands as he stares at tuck AKA the hog Lord. And then tuck starts making pig serves and Billy. I was like, what are you doing? I can't hold her for much longer. Oh shit. And the tuck runs over and grabs the other half. Yeah. You're able to pick her up with Billy's help. Okay. I carry her back. What are you doing with the guy? Hey, hey, put it down.

Put it down. It's okay. Watch what he comes back. He takes the leather strap off the tuck's nose, boy, it's back down. It's just a big dude. Oh, you're just some guy. Yeah. Ah, bad. Hey, you guys are pretty freaked out about these pigs, huh? Wouldn't you be just a roiling sea of pink beige flesh tearing through the fields your families tended for decades? Well, where's wild bill? Isn't he supposed to take care of the pigs? No one's seen wild bill in weeks. What? He went off to face razor tusk.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Who is this pumpkin lord you're all serving? The only one that had the stones to see the only one that had the cones to step up and take what was necessary to protect the people of the Everwood Valley, Jack of the lantern, the pumpkin king. You hear him from like way over there? Tragoland on pumpkin king. Wait, Jack, the candlestick guy? Wait, what do you know of the pumpkin king? Jack wick the candlestick man. Sounds like you've been away for a long time, little boy.

Well, isn't that what he did? In the before days before the hogpocalypse, perhaps. How long has he been this like Jack of the lantern? It's been days. And the Everwood Valley is never like seven days, like a week. Like eight actually eight days, eight days. So eight. All right. Just over a week. And the Everwood Valley has never been safer. Why are you hoarding food for the king? Food means security. Food means control.

The food that we take, we can distribute as we see fit and it's not misused by those who don't see the pumpkin king's ways are consumed by the rampant hogs. Who doesn't see it in the same way? It's a good question. Is there a faction of halflings that are like down with the pumpkin king? I mean, it's mostly like family drama. Right. Like family feuds. Should I spout lore? Yeah. Oh, yeah. All right. Billy is going to go back and do his memory of the before times. Eight. Eight. Okay.

So interesting, but not useful. Okay. You're trying to think about like which family might have been like, fuck this guy. Yeah. Jack Wick, not like the thing with family feuds, like blood feuds is they're always stupid. Yeah, they're always stupid. Like no one remembers why they hate each other. They just do. Oh, yeah. Maybe it's one of their daughters or sons got rejected by the other one. Yeah. Pumpernickel bills, daughter. We got rejected by Jack. Yeah. Yeah. The Pumpernickel family. Yes.

And the pumpkin king family. Oh, right. We already did pump. Yeah. That's why it's funny. The Vanderpumps. They're called Vanderpumpernickel. Vanderpumpernickel. Oh, maybe. Wait. Okay. Maybe it was like a thing where Jack was like a lowly candle maker and he fell in love with the daughter of the family who ran all of the fairies that went around. Oh. And they're pretty wealthy. Mm-hmm. And like they were sort of betro- like they weren't betro- but they kind of fell in love with each other.

Maybe they did a halfling ceremony that betrove them in the eyes of the Everwood. Yeah. But then the big daddy fairy man said no, no, no. Mm-hmm. And he banished Jack. Oh. Which is kind of the worst thing for a halfling. Yeah. That's embarrassing. Yeah. And you lose all your land too. Yeah. You have to go find a new- you have to go establish a new like land. Totally. To farm. And because they're so insular and untrusting of other people from other communities, Jack just wandered the waste. Yeah.

And then- And everyone could see him wandering the waste. Could you see this little light fog me through the dark woods at night? Oh. Yeah. And then when the hogs returned, he took over. Mm-hmm. He used the brutality he learned in the waste. He burned a bunch of the fairies. Whoa. That's what happened. Intrigue. Yeah. There was wax there. Mm-hmm. It was- I do like the idea that he just became an arsonist. Yeah. So he was always an arsonist. What if the fairy family- no, it's dude.

I was going to say the dingies. Oh, I like that. Yeah. The dingies. So the dingies. Yeah. He's like, but the dingies, they've never seen Jack's way. They've never seen Jack's status quo. Oh. And they're out there, they're out there applying the waters and the canals attempting to undercut his rule, attacking his food shipments. I see what's happening. So Jack Wick takes this as an opportunity.

And then he wants to be- he wants to take like Dan Dingies spot as like what the richest halfling in all the land. The pumpkin king's ways are not for the laymen to understand. Yeah, the pumpkin king knows that money means nothing when food is king. You know what I mean? Food is always king. Yeah, I feel like- Food is king. We might have actually- maybe we talked about at some point that the halflings don't even really have currency. Okay. Yeah, they only- So this is their currency. Yeah. Great.

But I do like the idea that they're like weak, could not dain to know Jack of the lanterns ways. But yes, basically that is what's happening. But you more or less nailed it. And not so. Yeah. Finally, Jack gets his revenge. You know, Jack's been walking around for years talking about getting revenge and now is the time. He was not secret about it at all. He would wander the waste and scream, I'll get revenge. He even took out ads in the local pavement. Just a full-spent page spread.

Just a picture of a drawing of his face that says, I'll get revenge. Also, bug wicks from wicks. Wicks wicks. Oh, maybe when the hugs came, he burned the ships. He did. Yeah. So no one can get away. Yeah, it's ever stuck. And maybe that's why Wild Bill couldn't help because he couldn't get a cross. Well, Bill's just around. Standing on the other side of the river, like, Oh my God. Look at that. It's too deep. It's too deep. Yeah.

That is so you've got these two halflings whose names are Bert and Burda. You're talking to Bert, who was the one that pulled the knife and Burda is, I guess, just being held up by Tuck. Yeah. She's stabbing my hand a lot. Yeah. She's over. Oh my gosh. Let go. Let go of me. I'm not going to let go. I might take your knife though. No. You just pluck it out of her hand. We're going to take that. This is the easiest adventure we've ever had to do.

It was kind of also similarly easy to get Greg and Brenda to fuck each other. That's true. Yeah. It's definitely of equal states. Honestly, this is sort of the same thing where we're just like the Jack O' Lantern King is in love and heart broken. Right. Yeah, I guess kind of. Maybe the love of his life has been betrothed to somebody else and he's holding out until the betrovel is broken. That would make sense that he's trying to win her back with this move and he's going way too far. Yeah.

You're all speculating a lot up here on this hillside. Burd, is that true? Yeah, that's pretty much it. I thought so. I thought so. So where Burda, I get either of you stabbing your hand. Where'd you get the other night? I am always armed. And he goes, Burda, what's the fairy people's family called? Where are they? The dingies? Yeah, oh yeah, the dingies. Where are they? Where do they hold up? Why would I tell you? I feel like we have to core some in some way. Oh, yeah, you definitely do.

You can't just get all the information you want under these two. Oh, right. Yeah. Right. So I'm going to go to the Jack O'Lantern and bring some of the blueberries if you grant us audience with your Jack of the Lantern. There we go. Oh, OK. OK. 2d6 plus charisma. 6. Are you helping me being scary as fuck? Yeah, you just put your nose back up. Yeah, and I go, and if you don't help us, I'll fucking eat you.

And I was just like, oh, and then he takes Burda and he's like, look, you're the size of my mouth. And he puts her in there. Oh, gosh. 2d6 plus bond. 12. Oh, God. All right. So that makes it a seven to nine, which means they need concrete assurance of your offer right now. I hand him one of the bags of blueberries back and they drop to the ground. Do you let Burda go? No, I hold on to her until they agree. She sees the blueberries at the ground as she starts kicking in your hands.

Burt, like, reaches into the berries and starts eating them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Burda, what are you doing? Look, it's hard right now. Food is, food is scarce. It's tightly controlled. I, if you, if you don't tell anybody that we eat these berries, then sure, we'll, we'll help you. We'll get you audience with the pumpkin king. Okay. Yeah. Bring us in. Okay. Say that we'll help the king somehow. Okay. Yeah. You can even take credit for us helping if you want, if it'll help.

That would be excellent. You would do that? Yeah. Yeah. You would allow us to say that we brought you to the pumpkin king. Yeah. Okay. Give me three more minutes with these blueberries, put down Burda and you got a deal. All right. And put her down next to the bag of blueberries. She starts eating them too. I also turned around a bunch of blueberries off the bushes and we, the three of us, like three halflings all have blueberry mouth. We're just like, all right.

And yeah, three minutes later, you're on the road. We're heading down to like the, yeah, you head back down the trail. They go to the gondola and they turn and they look at tuck and vang and go. Well, and they walk over to tuck and vang and they start climbing up you too. How are we getting across the river then? How deep is the river? Oh yeah. It's probably not that deep. It's so deep. It's four feet deep. Twice overhead. Yeah. They both go, oh, four feet deep. We rarely get to the bottom.

And if you do, you never come up. No one's ever seen the bottom of the lived. Actually the, the pumpkin king's men probably control a bridge. There's one bridge that they are like tightening in control. That makes sense. Don't worry. We'll get you across the cherry bridge, the only remaining operable bridge on this side of the sun wise. Okay. Thank you. And you start walking down the trail and as you get lower out of the mountains. In my head, the vang just went. Wait, wait, wait a second.

I forgot. It's like rolling. For the halflings, it's like, dah, dah, dah. Yeah, exactly. Forward to the raised music. Oh, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah. It's like the, the halflings riding the end. Yes. Yeah. Schombor. Stake and Tucker just like, dude, this is fucking weird. This is actually pretty cool. I feel like I'm larping right now. So we have come here. We've seen the halfling lambs in turmoil. We realized that a warlord has arisen as a result of the Hogs' Rana Muck. The Hogs' Rana Muck.

Which was a convenient excuse for him to take over. Yeah. So Jack of the Lantern took that as an opportunity to take over Laundry Hill. Yeah. Like basically we'll take power over kind of all of the Everwood Valley because the whole valley, all the towns rely on the sphery system. Right. Or out of the Dursleys or whatever. The Dingies. The Dingies. Yeah. And he burned their fairies. He burned a lot of them. And then the few that are still operating are now being manned by like his people. Oh.

And they, same with the bridges, which were also supposed to be automatic. So then the question remains, where are the Dingies and what happened to them? Yeah, yes. They're the faction that's been driven underground. Yeah. So we're trying to infiltrate his court to figure out what happened. And he's doing all of this because he's in love with one of the Dingies. Yeah. That's speculation. That's speculation. So we do need to confirm that. Start, did say yes. Yeah. Pretty much got it.

It's got the origin story of the faction. Yeah. I'm being hamstrung by the fact that it's funnier for them to just give up the information. But we cannot trivialize the fact that Warlord has taken control of the Everwood Valley. Yeah. And the thing that I figured out where Wild Bill is because he's one of the ones who could be quelling this uprising of hogs. Yeah. Yeah. He seems to be out in the wind. Mm-hmm. Him and the Dingies. We need to know what the fuck's going on there. Mm-hmm.

And also I do think that that is a good point. That Jack rose to power as a result of the hogs. Yes. Maybe he did something to Wild Bill. That's what I'm thinking. Wild Bill always comes back. Yeah. He's the only one powerful enough to swim across the river. Mm-hmm. So there's no way he's stuck. The Lord does Jack have any ties with Wild Bill? Sorry. I just imagined Wild Bill as having fucking massive arms. Oh, yeah. Like he's like half dwarf? Or maybe. Yeah.

Like I was thinking that yeah, there's some dwarf cross over here. Yeah. Pretty sweet. Okay. So you carry on out of the mountain with Bert and Berta? Yeah. And I think this is maybe the conversation that we had as we were walking down the mountain path. Yeah. Yeah. No. No. Like really trying to play it like you don't know anything. You think you know everything about that? Everwood Valley in the Pumpkin King, but you don't.

And I turned to Bert and I'm like, Bert, you know what all it takes for evil men to triumph is for good men to do nothing. So what Wild Bill always said? That is what Wild Bill, what am I quoting? I think I don't know. This is a very good quote. It's like Churchill or something. I think so. I thought it was the dark. I think it's also I think Harvey Dent does say that in the dark matter. Okay. I was quoting Harvey Dent who was quoting Winston Churchill.

But I would like all of our fans to know that I was quoting Harvey Dent. Great and you enter the valley well and truly come down from the mountains. And as you're like walking down this path, which Tuck and Ving you would know is very narrow. Like this is definitely a halfling path. You're like, like an owl, stepping on rocks and it's tight in here. And you come into the valley and the ground is getting muddier and looser. And it's just sludge once you get to the base of the valley itself.

You can feel in your feet in the movement like the flood waters that are still saturating the ground here. Bert, how has you been navigating in all this muck slowly? There's a long trek ahead of us. Like I said, we're going to go to the bridge. We're going to go to Cherry Bridge. There it is. Must be so nice being so tall. I know, right? Such long legs. I know. That's what I've been telling them all this time. They don't even they don't even consider the fact that it's so easy for them.

It's so hard to go on walks with them. Privilege is what it is. All the halflings have moved into a single Bjorn that is on my chest and they're having this conversation while they're hanging on my chest. It's like height privilege. It really is. Height privilege privilege. Thank you. That's so funny. And you get to the you get to Cherry Bridge. It is a very basic bridge.

It crosses the river, which is you were saying it's about about as wide as like the Fraser in Vancouver, which is took centuries to build all this. It's really wide. Yeah. It's like 40, 50 feet wide. And you said when it's ripping, it's ripping. Yeah. It's ripping right now. Yeah. The waters are ripping for sure. And the bridge crosses the whole thing. It's about a 50, 60 foot wide or long bridge, maybe 20 feet wide. It is arched a bit. Yeah, totally. It's like wood and stone sort of. Yeah.

Texts like holy fuck. Halflings build this. Yes. Generations. I helped build this with with old bill and older bill and a skinny bill. And bird is like, you helped build this. This bridge was completed 200 years ago. And you hear, oh, we stop. Who goes there? There's halflings at the foot of the bridge on this side of the river. There's small crates and little halfling carts piled up in the front of the bridge. Oh, yeah. Bird, do your thing. Right.

And he slides down out of the Bjorn and approaches the guards who are wearing similar pumpkin tabards with burlap, but they have like little spears and little, oh, they have pitchforks. They have little tiny pitchforks. Oh, wow. And birdie approaches, says, all right, lower your weapons. Let us through these three come at my request and wish to speak to the pumpkin king. He doesn't know what he's taken responsibility for. I'm notoriously not to be taken responsibility of.

And they like mutter amongst themselves. If this is some sort of ruse, Bertimund on your head, be it. We bring you blueberries and payment as well. And they all rush for it and they look at the berries and go, they're real. They're good. Hold on. And tech's like, I brought this pine cone and there's another bite out of it. Try it again. Try it again. I thought maybe I was wrong about it. Not this word cone in it. You would think.

And they, they start pushing crates and carts aside, making way for you across cherry bridge. You know, across the bridge. Billy had hid behind birda, just in case. Oh, you wouldn't be recognized. Sick. Very smart. So as you're like crossing, you're like, nothing to see here. And as you cross this bridge, Billy, this is a great bridge. Yeah. So sturdy. Thank you. You did a great job. Yeah. I, what I did was that pillar. Whoa. And it's just a stump.

And Billy, like cemented into the bridge a long time ago, it's like stuck there with fairy magic. Oh, yeah, they've tried to move the stump a million times and then just went, it doesn't mean it's just in the fucking middle. Yeah. What sucks is load bearing to go around the stump. It would be a way more functional bridge. If it weren't there. Yeah. And they were like, Billy, it's supposed to, like long ago, they're like, Billy, it's supposed to go there.

And I was like, sorry, it's, that's where it is. It's stuck. I can't do anything about it. Whatever. I tried to move it, but it doesn't want to move. They say, yeah, it was supposed to be a commercial bridge, but it's definitely just for pedestrian. Yeah. Accidentally pedestrianized cherry bridge. And as you're crossing this bridge, which you are ving and tuck, having seen a bit of halfling construction are kind of surprised by the sturdiness of you're like, we're massive.

And this thing is holding our weight. No problem. I feel like the way that they build things is like they just like find the perfect piece of wood that would go in here. Oh, what is that called? Joinery. Yeah. It's nonstop joinery all the way through. Yeah. And then this stump. And then this stump. And you feel underneath your feet, the rushing rivers of the sun wise as it courses away to the south into the Everwood and back up to the north.

Oh, and this almost like electric feeling of crossing this barrier is what signals your passage into the valley itself and the current land of the hogs. One of the guards on the bridge is like, welcome to the hoglands and make God have mercy on your soul. Good. Good. Welcome to the hog. With you. Welcome to the hoglands traveler and make God be with you. Go to speed traveler. You're in hog apocalypse now territory. And it's just like a very dismal scene.

Like there's mud, there's torn up corn fields. There's like destroyed farmhouses in the distance. It looks like whoa, it looks like a music festival happened here. This sucks. Yeah, it does look a lot like mud lark. It looks like the hot dog festival. It does. Oh, no, right. And Burton birdie are like looking around very furtively like like they're uncomfortable to be outside the walls of. Yeah. Yeah. Keep an eye on your feet, you guys. There could be hogs hiding everywhere. Mm hmm.

Not anywhere. Everywhere. There could be hogs hiding everywhere. Everywhere. Everywhere could be a hog. So what do you do? You've got like you've got a couple hours walk until you get to Lone Tree Hill. I think this is going to be a perilous journey because these are dangerous lands. Yeah. You probably just won't manage provisions. Yeah. I mean, we just do all of them too. We just do scout ahead and navigate. So when you one person to scout ahead one to navigate, Billy's got his bill mark.

Yeah, you have been a bit of a killer. Okay, I'll scout. So that's 2d6 plus wisdom. I will. Whoa. Nice. I got 8. Nice. Okay, so 7 to 9 on navigate. Choose one from below and get the drop on whatever lies ahead. Discern a beneficial aspect of the terrain. Make a discovery or notice a danger. What's more fun for you? I'm really it. Maybe my idea doesn't make sense because no, we know the hogs are here. So that's not exciting. I mean, what are you doing? Thank you. What is your face over here?

I'm getting this. I want a danger. You want a danger? You want a danger? I want a danger. I actually the danger was what I was thinking. Okay. So I would like to what was the option? No, notice sign of a nearby danger. I want to notice sign of a nearby danger. Okay. And so you got an 8 on navigate. Yeah. Fuck yeah. So we can with the navigate, we can discover. We can happen upon a discovery. I'm going to miss by this.

The going is slow or you encounter a danger, which we might already stop looking at me like that. I want a danger. Say it like that, man. I said we'll get a danger. Do we mix a danger in a discovery? Because I know what the danger is. I'm not going to roll for the danger. I already have an idea. I mean, it's up to you. What? Oh, he was for the navigation. Yeah, this is for now. It's yeah. It's one of these from below. You happen upon a discovery missed by the scout.

The going is slow or you encounter a danger danger. So two danger. Two danger. Two danger. We're in a hogpocalypse. Yeah, that's true. We're in a hogpocalypse and we are walking into a like a world war z zombie land scenario. So oh, maybe you get in the middle of something. Like it's like it's not even necessarily targeting you. Yeah. Oh, that's so much funnier. To the trenches of a hog battle. Yeah, I think what I think. Okay, so I think what it is is we're getting like the river is coursing.

You're kind of like the trail that you're taking is taking you into farmland. Like we got to go through these mud fields. This is terrible. And as you like are walking through these ruined farms, there's like scare crows like on posts, like little half length size scare crows that are just tilted in the mud. Yeah. And you're walking and you crouching, you hear noises. Yeah, there's baby cornstalk like bent in half. Yeah, it's trampled under hoof foot. There's quick sand, but like quick mud.

Quick mud. And it's like mud. Oh, yeah, it's bubbling in the field. And like steam coming out of it vapor. Oh, yeah, there's like hot mud pools. Yeah. Hogs have been having diarrhea all over the place. Diarrhea. Oh my God. It smells so bad. It's really bad. Because they've been eating so much squash, which is so steamy. Oh, yeah. It's raw fiber. Too much fiber. So much fiber. And you are walking through and Bertie and Bert are like, wait, stop. Don't take another step.

And you see like in the field, a bunch of hogs like lift themselves up from the mud. Uh oh. There's probably fucking 10, 15 of them. Oh God. Oh shit. Just like mud is like sloughing off of them. I mean, they're just pigs, but also that's a lot of them. Yeah, that's a lot of pigs. They're all the hatred in their eyes. They're all racist. You can tell. And look at us. So many races standing before the. Yeah. Targeted by these pigs.

The pigs are just said, look how many races are standing in front of them. Oh, no. The pigs are racist. We're a fucking buffet. They can be so racist towards us. Oh my God. We're the most diverse thing for a hundred miles in every direction. We've never seen this many in one place. You can choose their favorite race for last. Like they're only standing still because they are just overwhelmed by how many slurs they could throw at us.

And as the lead hog, the biggest one with like, you know, when they get so fat that there's like the roll on the back of their head that like connects with their back. So it's kind of like a big role. Yeah. It's like turning around, waddling, like sniffing the air. All of the scarecrows in the field start screaming. What? And they jump down off the poles onto the hogs and start like trying to lash them around like the next. Whoa.

They've got woven cords and a hat flies off of one and there's little halfling hair underneath. Whoa. And they're trying to like wrangle these hogs. Oh my gosh. There's fucking pig demonium. As pigs start flipping out and scattering. And this is the true danger is fucking pigs are running all over the place now in a panic. What do you do? I fight the pigs. Yeah. Trying to help wrangle these pigs. Yeah. All right. These halflings seem honorable. I want to help them.

This has become like a wild horse wrangling session. Yeah. So how do you try and help these halflings? I mean, things got his harpoon and rope. Yep. So I want a lasso pig. Yeah. Totally. And drive the harpoon in the ground and anchor them. Fucking sick. Defy danger dexterity. First, I would like to roll fight with honor because it seems like we're getting into a fight. Yeah. Yeah. Totally. Yep. Okay. So a roll plus con to get some chi. Oh, I got three. Oh, okay. Oh man.

I bet you wish you just rolled that to fight danger to start. Kind of miss. I get one hold, but the enemies have to jump on me. It's like jaws where a pig comes out from like the path right next to us. Just out of my mind. It's like, what do you want to say? Say your jaws. Oh my God. That's a big fellow. I'm going to need a bigger. I'm going to need a bigger last. I'm going to need a bigger rope. Oh yeah. There you go. There is this syllable count.

So yeah, thing you like you plant your feet and you bring your fists up to your side. I'm going to pull in lastly when a cowboy hat. You pull out the last. Put on your cowboy hat and then boom, boom. Mud showers you as a massive pig leaps out of the mud next to you. Oh my God. Okay, but I have one cheese. I'm going to spend that on that one pig on the pig that's now leaping out of the mud. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'll use that sheet to try and deal my damage. Yeah. D six. One. Oh fuck. Yeah.

There you go. So how do you do your damage to your one damage to this hog, which definitely has a hog's worth of armor. I mean, yeah, I just I don't have much time. That makes sense. He leaps out. So I try to put my shoulder into his belly to try and flip him end over end. Yeah, totally. And the sheer weight of this hog drives you down into the mud. Oh, shit. Wow. And your arms and legs just like underneath this pig. Oh God. And his body is driven into the mud by this massive hog. Dang.

It's killing him. This became real so fast for dying. He feels. He's just pigs. Billy is alarmed but also smug because he's like, I told them it wasn't just pigs. This is a real. I told you. So, baby. Yeah. Fucking 250 pound pig just crushed thing and there's 15 of them and a bunch of scarecrows just came to life. It's like it's having an awful day. This is fucked up, dude. Your face is covered in delicious blueberry juice. Yeah. Yeah, that's the best thing about today for sure.

I'm going to try and like get this hog off of thing. Yeah. So I'm going to grab it by the back of its neck and by the fat on its back and I'm going to just like lift over my head. It's like squealing and biting at you and trying to get up. So you're going to have to roll a defy danger to get a hold on it first. Yeah. Okay. Was it fun? I guess it's if you're just going to take the rabbit really hard. Like strength? Yeah, it would be a straight hand strength. Yeah. Yeah. Totally. Huge pig. Yeah.

Yeah, that's 13. Nice. Fuck yeah. Yeah. Okay. Honestly, with the 13, I think you can free ving from the pig. Yeah. You just grab it. Okay. Throw it at the other pigs. I'm going to lift it over my head. Okay. While you've talked me into another defy danger strength, this pig is really big. Eight. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You feel something? Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. Emer just just covered in mud pulling it out of his mouth. You were right up. So I never done it. Okay.

And Tux got this massive pig over his head. Oh, my muscles are popping. Yeah. So many abs coming out. And you feel things like. Damn. Oh, that's what he means about shapes. Holy shapes. And you feel something in your back tweak. That's funny because I felt something in my front tweak. I think you just like either, either you're going to take some damage from pulling your back or you're going to drop this pig. Are you going to take some damage? Okay. Roll a D six.

This is your armor is not going to get you through this. He's in full like proud stepdad mode where he's just like, I'm fine. Fine. Just cock your lower back to it's out. You're just shaking. Your arms are just quivering with a huge pig over your head. And you've got a chance to throw it before anything else happens. Yeah, I want to throw it at another pig. I guess volley. Okay. 2d six plus pig. Okay. Plus pig. Plus six. That's terrible. Throw this racist at another racist. Yeah.

You fucking bigoted pig. Six. Volade. Yeah. How do you aid? I stand up and like jump out of the mud now that I'm free from the mud and jump up and give a heave hoi. Yes. He's the pig. Yeah. All right. 2d six plus bond. Okay. I got eight. Great. I take what you can get so you roll your damage minus a d six or you put yourself in danger. I'll take what I can get. Okay. So you roll your damage. Okay. For the pigs, which is a d 10. So that's one. Oh no. All right.

Then you roll a d six and you subtract it. One. Wow. So perfect. So you and Vang just heave this pig into the air and it gracefully arcs rolling like a hot dog on a 711 warming track. It's like straight out. It's blank and it slams into the mud on its feet and it starts just walking. It's just a way. It's totally fine. So he just leaves. I've been gifted a second chance. Oh, is that a root over there? Right. You can all hear these pigs because things. Oh, yeah.

So we can hear all the racist shit. They're saying I'm not saying any of that stuff. What? Whatever is in your head listener. That's what they're saying. That's right. Listen, this is on you. Yeah. Okay, Billy, are you still in the behind? Yeah. Wiggle free. I'm kind of scared to. Billy's like be brave. There's a sea of pigs and Bertie and Berta are gripping onto the Bjorn. I'm wiggling out to unleash the fanny pack. Yeah. Sorry, Paul just said under his breath a bay of pigs, which is so good.

That's so fucking funny. Sorry. Okay, so Billy's trying to undo the fanny pack. He's trying to undo the fanny pack and he's saying Victor, where are you? We need you right now. Oh, good boy. How do we? Okay, so what is the role here? Because Victor is definitely like chomping at the bit. Can I wealth and taste? Wealth and taste to like try and tempt Victor out of the bag with a bunch of pigs. Yeah, I'm like Victor. Oh, I'm horrible. You just take your marble drawer and go clink clink clink.

Yeah. I like how I'm pig. I said like I'm eating all the pigs would definitely draw a mystical wolf on the door. He's like, I know what I, he hits his most valuable possession. Yeah, totally. Yeah, that's what it is. So I make a show of flashing my own most valuable possession, which is my marbles. So yeah, I wiggled them at the entrance of the tent. And I just hear like pause padding. Yeah. All right. Two to six plus charisma. Ten plus two is 12. Jesus Christ. Yes.

So you like you wiggle the jar in front of the fanny pack and you hear the pat like the loping run of Victor. He's just like open it up. Yeah. Open the fanny pack and a wolf. Yeah. It explodes from the fanny pack. It's I will go to the old day breakfast slams into the Victor. You got heard the pigs out of here. Oh, yes. Many pigs as you can. You know what would really hurt the pigs? What if I killed them? I mean, do what you got to do, Victor. What would give me more marble? Hard or hurt?

I mean, hurt their racist. Hey, I keep pushing the fact that these pigs are racist so that our audience does not get upset about slaughtering. The racism is the trait of the traitor is coward of the pathetic coward. So the victor is not the magic bullet here. The pigs are still a concern, but Victor is now soaring his own brand of discord through the pigs in which a fucking eight foot long, almost invisible wolf is ripping through these pigs. Yeah.

So Victor starts chasing a bunch of pigs and they fucking take off. And there's so much squealing. There's squealing and the squealing. Of course, we can hear is them going. And there are a bunch of scarecrows that are starting to tie off a couple of the pigs and like lash them together into like pig rafts. Oh, cool. There's one of the scarecrows has like three hogs tied together and they're riding it like it's a fucking jet ski. Wow. Hog power. But there's still a number of pigs to deal with.

Thing. What do you do? Oh, I'm going to use a call of nature. Oh, and call upon a aid of a spirit. Choose an element mud to wrangle these pigs. I'm going to make a giant hog on a mud. See how they like it. Oh, sick. And he's racist against pigs. A self hating mud. Yes. I got six plus wisdom. I got eight. Eight. So that gives you what one on seven to nine. I create a physical form for the spirit to inhabit and gain one request. Okay.

While you have the whole the spirit will attempt to aid you to the best of its ability. Yeah, when you roll for the pig to help you for the spirit to help you, you roll plus your request 10 plus it succeeds seven to nine. It succeeds, but you lose one request. But how does this would does this just look like a big ass pig man out of mud? Yeah, it forms up like on all around the pigs and it's squeeze. There's just a big mud pig. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And he said, there's a new pig mama in town.

There's a new pig mama in town. What do you require of me, summoner? I require you to get these pigs out of here. All right. And boom, boom. Turns on its huge pig mud hooves. Can it banish the pigs? It might. Yeah, it might well do. We'll see what happens with this role. So two D six plus one for the remaining request. I got three guys. Oh my shit. Never mind. Well, I was a master fail. Holy shit. That's a big fail. That's the first time I use that move. Yeah, well, you know, I rolled too fast.

You saw that. Yeah, you're all too fast. I rolled too fast and blew my lude. Lude. I rolled too fast and blew my lude. So the pigs couldn't do the thing that I wanted it to do. So the thing with the move is that like you lose the request and it doesn't succeed. Oh, so it's like it doesn't do the thing that you need to do and you still lose the point that you had. Oh God, this move is bad actually. Yeah, it doesn't mean it. It sucks. I will do that.

Yeah, maybe it just falls on all the mud pigs and then that's it. Yeah, don't worry. Summoner, I will do this thing you asked of me and it just reaches it rears up on its hind hooves. Holy shit. Towering above you a mountain of mud and then just a tidal wave of mud falls down on everyone. Slam, slam, slam, slam. Boom. And you feel your control over this earthly form you created for the spirit fritter away like your lash on it just effervescently disappears as you are cloaked in mud.

It's like saving private Ryan. Look at mom. It's all quiet for a second. Yeah, the tricky game. Smoke everywhere. We started getting our hearing bag with a ringing. Vang, vang, vang, you got to get off. Sir, what do we do now? Earn this. It's so kizzy. Tuck it. Tuck it. Tuck it. They're coming back around. We go to babysit this bridge.

So I think what it is is that like the halflings like a bunch of their hats, their little scare girl hats got knocked off and they're like wiping mud out of their eyes when it's like rocking in the corner. Yeah. Holding onto his like his pitchfork. Yeah. He puts mud shoots up behind this. He puts his cowboy hat back on this full of mud and shit. Yeah. And as you're like pulling yourself out of this catastrophe seeing these halflings, look at you like what do we do now?

You look into the distance and you see the pigs as they scatter begin to form back together into a single herd and run out into the field, arcing around to return for a final charge. You know the thing about a pig is he's got lifeless eyes, black eyes, it's like those eyes. Jesus Christ. Where he comes out, she doesn't seem to be living. Is that from saving price? It's from Jaws. Jaws. Thank you. And I think that's where we're going to actually hate that I did that. So I can pull it at.

It's so funny. I can just start my outro and you can cut it in around as you see a bit out about. What if Victor says that? Yeah. I'm hoping back is when they come with you. They have dead eyes like a bowl size. I think that's where we're going to end it for this week. I'm your Game Master. Shano. Here I joining me is always playing to come to the barbarian Abdul Aziz. 1400 men went into the water. 300 men came out. USS Indianapolis. Playing bang the half felt true in Paul Opers.

This is such a bad riff. It's killing the Atra. It's so bad. This reference does not work. It almost makes it better, honestly. Take care of everyone. Dang it. As Googling quotes as fast as I could. And playing fat Billy the halfling thief Jessica Ty. Why do I deserve to go? Why not any of these guys? They all fought just as hard. What? Oh, this is from Saving Private Ryan. Saving Private Ryan. Oh my God. Thank you to Aaron Reed who would never do this to me for her intro and outro music.

If you want to find all of Aaron's original music, you can find that at Aaron Reed dot bandcamp.com. Shask her phone. Another quote. Let's hear it. I'm not going to the guys like my liver. If you want to find all Aaron Reed's original music, just before you watch Saving Private Ryan, you can find it at Aaron Reed dot bandcamp.com. And if you want to listen to all of the music, Aaron is produced for the show written by Abdul and myself, you can find that at soundcloud.com.

Thank you to all of our supporters around the world. You can look forward to our Saving Private Ryan Watch podcast later tonight. If you want us to support the show and get access to a bunch of bonus content and fund my Tom Hanks Filmography Watch podcast, you can find us at patreon.com slash speltlord or speltlord.com slash money, please. And finally, and most of all, thank you to all of you for listening. We'll see you next time.

Someday we might look back on this and decide that saving pigs, saving private pigs, private pigs, saving pig Ryan was one decent thing. We were able to pull out this whole God awful shit, Stuy of a mess. And then it fades into like a shot of a war cemetery. And there's a flag of the pumpkin king. And an elderly Matt Damon is looking at three crosses, two big ones and a little one. And he turns to his wife and says, tell me, I've been a good halfling. So funny that this turned into a war movie.

I love that. No, it's great. I told you guys. I told you the pigs are scary. The pigs are intense. You kept saving. It's like saving private Ryan. And so ends the tale of adventures three who tried the best they can. The dumb and scared and lost they be for times of rest in revelry. And though our journey may be lying a conclusion, we will not leave you without a resolution. Turn next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores. And for you I gladly spout long.

Spill lore is brought to you by listeners like yourself. If you wanna check out more stuff or give us a support, go to www.pat, I'll start over. It sounds like a fucking Altovista ad.! The! Hello everybody and welcome to Spout lore. I'm your game master Sean O'Hare. Joining me is always playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian of Dual Aziz. Hello everybody. Playing Ving the Half-Elf Druid Paul Hoppers. Hi! And playing Fat Billy the Halfling Thief Jessica Ty. Hello.

When last we left our heroes, they arrived at the Everwood Valley. Following Billy's request to aid the halflings in what can only be described as a Hog Pocalypse. I think we said, yeah we can go look at the pigs. Yeah, exactly. For Shadowing, the danger's yet to come. We're so dismissive of it. Yeah. The start. Yeah, it was me. Yeah. It was just… I took all your guys' conflicts seriously. Our grown-up conflicts.

Arriving at the valley, they looked down into the homeland of Fat Billy the Halfling Thief. Taking this opportunity to gather some information. That information was the valley itself is in vast disarray. Crops have been destroyed, fields have been turned to mud. Farms are on the brink of devastation. Hogs roam the land in ravenous hordes.

Towns have been barricaded against the threat and against bandits and raiders, including Billy's former home, Lone Tree Hill, which we saw barricaded fully with a wall surrounding the village. Draped in tabards, bearing the sigil of a pumpkin. Apparently the iconography of a figure known as the Pumpkin King. Pumpkin King. The Pumpkin King. Pumpkin King. The party discovered that… Well the party did a lot of presuming. About the Pumpkin King. It's called World Building.

About his lost love in a member of the dinghy family, the Raft Builders and Runners of the Everwood Valley. The party decided to go to a nearby blueberry patch to gather some food for negotiation purposes and found henchmen of the Pumpkin King gathering as many blueberries as possible and destroying the bushes. A fight ensued during which Tuck clothed himself in the regalia of a figure known as the Hog Lord, which is basically just him covered in mud with his nose taped up onto his forehead.

It looked like when the sourmon was in his orc garden. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Like skins off people and it was really scary. Emerging from the sludge. Sorry, I just think that that's such a funny way to talk about Lord of the Rings. Ever when sourmon was in his orc garden. Taking a stroll. Growing all his monsters. Yeah. Oh, just about ripe. Just pinching his cheeks almost ready. Oh, it's a bumper crop. Yeah. Also, this is his point. Yeah. This is the new sourmon voice. I'm sourmon. I'm sourmon.

Look out Frodo. I'm coming for you. This is the Lord of the Rings that I did want to see. Hopefully this chays just to tray. The party kidnapped Birdie and Birdie. Well, held them hostage in an attempt to gain passage into the Everwood Valley through the tightly controlled bridge, the single remaining bridge controlled by the Pumpkin King's forces. They descended into the Valley. The bridge crossing went fairly well.

We discovered it was a shockingly strong bridge built by the Halflings and aided by Fat Billy generations ago in the form of a stump in the middle of the bridge that could not be moved. A death tree. It is. Turning it into a pure walking bridge. They crossed the waters, feeling the power of the Wittershins and the Sunwises they did so.

The party crossed into the muddy expanses of the Everwood Valley, finding a land perhaps a touch larger than they thought from their observations high in the mountains. They found themselves journeying with Birdie and Birdie on their way to Lontree Hill through a large muddy expanse that used to be a field dotted with scarecrows, halfling sized scarecrows, as a horde of hogs emerged from the mud.

And the scarecrows came to life jumping on the backs of the hogs and attempting to wrangle them as the party got drawn into this great conflict. How long do we think they were up on those scarecrows? This morning. Probably too long. They got a piece so bad. Yeah. Because you can't, the hogs can tell. Oh, they can smell. The hogs can tell. Oh, yeah. If what proceeded was the first 25 minutes of saving private Ryan, explosions and screaming as the true threat of the hogs made itself clear.

Shot for shot remakes. Yeah. Being attempted to summon a muddy form using nature's call for a pig spirit and succeeded in drenching the entire battleground in a foot thick layer of mud, scattering the hogs as they reconvened for one final charge. And that is where we find our heroes now. What do you do? You're facing down the barrel of a hog horde. Can I do war cry to try and fucking scare them away? Yeah, that's a great idea. 10. 10. Okay.

So that means that you take plus one forward against them and your enemies feel fear and act accordingly, avoiding you hiding, attacking with fear driven abandon. What do we think of those three is more likely with a group of pigs? I think they would attack. If there's like a group of them, I think Jessica's probably right. But that does mean that they're scattered. Like they're not thinking well, they're pigs. So they're never thinking. Well, they're faces. They're very very. Right.

I forgot about that. Yeah. It's a bunch of racist things. There's so many levels to this hog pock. There's it's socio political. It's it's cultural. So how do what is talks war cry in this situation? Tuck uses Vings world echo to talk directly to the pigs in their heads. Oh, and he goes talks. You racist, fuck. Listen to me. A brown man. I have walked across the lands. I have seen storms break men that were as tall as giants. And I have seen giant empires shattered.

And I will tell you that you might kill me today, but my legacy will live on and yours will die here in the mud. And I have fart. Great. That's the part that pigs love the most. Absolutely. You hear all those pigs. They're yelling at each other because pig squealing is just them going. And they go, you heard him, boys, we'll kill him today. They come barreling towards you, but you see the fear in their eyes as they charge this mighty horde of warriors.

So now they are attacking with fear driven abandoned. So they're not coordinated. That charge that they put together is already breaking apart. Oh, yeah. Hack and slash. I found a pitchfork amongst the mud. Oh, yeah. Everyone's not too big for me. Oh, yeah, it's half length size. It's actually a fork. Actually, just a fork. Just a small fork. Just a normal pitchfork. All right, TV six plus strength. Nine. Oh, well, eight. Yes. Sorry, I was looking for the special dye. It's okay.

Billy doesn't know how to handle a weapon that is his size. He's not used to it. Yeah, you're going at them like you're going to eat the pigs. Right. Yeah, like that. Like a sausage. Yes. And at the buffet. All you need breakfast. Here we go. This is all you can eat breakfast later. Oh, skis. This conversation is happening at this speed while like in the distance. You see the mud getting kicked up like a shark is coursing through the waves. Yeah. All right. So roll two D six plus bond. Four.

Okay. So that's not so good. So that you still get a you can still get us a nine, which means that you roll your damage. Yeah. And they will also roll their damage. Okay. So I only got a two or damage. Two. Okay. I think it's like, Veng is like, all right, Billy, you got to move the fork. It's got to point straight out. So you do a pig charges right into you and you stab the pig and Veng is just like barreled over by another big and you are carried away on the pig. Yeah. Oh, no.

I forgot how fat they are. It's just as fat. So you roll a D six. Two. Okay. So you take two damage. I think just from like hooves battering you. Well, I was holding it straight like and it kind of smacked me into the shoulder. Oh, yeah. Like the recoil from a gun. Exactly. Just like, yeah, bang. It's like you got hit by like an ATV basically. Yeah. Pretty much. Yeah.

Like Veng, you're standing there and Billy's next to you and then he's gone and then Tuxie's Billy get carried away by a pig like hit like by a car base. Don't go. No. I did the thing when you're like over explaining something to somebody who knows instinctively how to do the thing. You know how to murder things. What was I doing? But you get fucking barreled over by a pig. So you roll a D six. Oh, man. Two. Two. You get knocked over.

You get a pig on top of you now that's like smacking you with its hooves. Oh my god. It's snorting in your face. I don't have time to fight with honor, do I? Not from here. No, I will defend. Okay. So that's plus constitution. Five. Holy shit. I was going through all the dice on the table trying to find the ones that were. It was a dark day to him. I think the pig on top of you is like rearing up on its hind legs and like slamming down on you.

You're getting pushed further and further into the mud. Things like I don't want to hurt you. I want to hurt you. I understand. I think that you racism comes from ignorance and you could be better informed. I just don't like people. Slam, slam, slam. The mud is like, you know, starting to get in your eyes and your mouth. Oh my god. My gills tuck. You see Vang is being slammed into the mud over and over by a pig and Billy is riding one. Yeah.

Kind of like everything goes into slow motion and tucks vision and it turns into black and white. And then I hear Ken Burns narrating over the whole set. And Ken Burns, another narration sounds like it was a dark day in hamper. You're like like banjams. Yeah. I see roofs. A nation torn or sundered by a hammy threat. Where once idyllic civilization existed now, furious pork as far as the eye could see. Brother against brother. Well, brother against pig brother and brother. It was against brother.

All right. What do you do? And then you hear a PA come on and be like, Ken, feels like you're kind of improvising part of it. Get out of here. I brought this beer from home. She said, God damn red light and says on the when I'm on the air, I'm on the go. I'm Ken. God damn burns. I was narrating 50 hour documentaries for you. Shit and diapers. Okay. Okay. I'll get out of here. Yeah, you know it. You're the door. Anyways, these pigs were fucking huge, bro. Everything goes back to regular speed.

I imagine like, yeah, you're seeing Vang get slammed into the mud. Vang is like disappearing in this mud field. Billy is off in the distance, like holding onto a fork, getting whipped around like a little flag on a pickup truck. Just slamming into the side of the hook. Yeah, tuck grabs one of the charging pigs by the ham, like on the back of its neck. And he goes, Vang, you're okay, right? And he rags. He rags the pig and goes after him. Like a mother. He starts to off. Yeah.

He starts to go after a film. All right, you got to roll into fight major strike to get a hold of this pig. 10. All right. This one is six. So you grab the pig, you hop on, you kick its back leg down and it starts going, oh, go, go, go, go, go. It does the thing where like the back wheel skids out a little bit and then it like. It can't get purchased on the mud as it starts to run and then Rome it's off. Yeah. So so fucking stupid. Now we're from Tux Point of View. He's riding a pig.

The wind blowing in his beard. It has the goggles from somewhere. You know how like the light cycles in Tron create like a vertical? Yeah, that that is happening, but it's the pigs fart. Just a fart cloud. And you see the pig running off. It seems like this one has decided that getting stabbed was more than it was willing to take Barton and is trying to get away. So I'm trying to control the pig to like catch up to Billy. Yeah. So I can attack the other pig. Okay, great.

Billy, you see from your purchase holding on to the pig fork that you see tuck riding up in the distance. He's trying to he's trying to catch up to you. How do you help him align with this pig? Well, first, Billy says something. Oh, yeah. I see what's going on. I started looking something up like three minutes ago. I definitely didn't Google war movie quotes. I believe you. Yeah, I believe that you did not do that. Billy yells to tuck. What does it matter to me? I only have one life to lose.

And then Billy steers with like puts his weight on the fork to steer the pig into like the direction of tuck. So yeah, I got six. Okay. I can help. All right. How are you helping? I just go Billy, steer into me. Five, six. Shit. Okay. I'm going to use a fairy child and turn a failed role into a seven to nine. So tuck still fails, but Billy does not fail. Yeah. I think the I think the chase still continues.

Like Billy's got the pig sort of lined up in front of you, but your pig starts going like, Oh, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, I'm running out of gas. It stopped for what do you do? Tuck goes, I'm running out of gas. No. Can I slam on the brakes with my pig? Oh, yeah, you could definitely try. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to climb onto his back, pulling myself up by the hairs of his chin. Wow. Wow. That's great. Amazing.

And I'll use, I'll use his ears to pull it back. Yeah. Okay. That sounds like a 2d 6 plus strength. Okay. Seven. Seven. Okay. Yeah. You like yank on the ears and the pigs slows down a lot too fast. Oh, too fast. Yeah. And then we, yeah, we get rear ended by a tuck in his pig. Oh. So can tuck try and jump onto this other pig? Yeah, totally. Yeah. The thing that I'm imagining in my head is that tuck wants to jump. He wants, he sees the bill. He's trying to stop the pig.

So he wants to jump over the pig and do like a flip in the air. Yeah. And then as I land, grab the tusk and then lift it over my head. And then as it like goes in front of the setting sun, I tuck gills. And he draws it. And then he rock bottoms the pig. See, when you, when you did the jump, I was like strength. And then you said you were going to flip over the pig and you talked me into dexterity. It's one of the sideways. Yeah. Like a cartwheel flip. Yeah. Like one of those gymnastics flips.

Yeah. And then you talked me back into strength with picking the pig up and rock bottoming against the setting sun. So 2d 6 plus strength. Okay. Eight. Eight. So you, yeah, you do that. The two pigs rear end each other and it everything slows down. You know, the pigs nose scrunchs up. The pigs butt scrunchs up. The curly tail goes up his nose. Oh, yeah. So uncomfortable. They kind of bow with the impact, which throws tuck into the air. There's like a wave of back fat. Yeah. Wreckling back.

This is the lamp. The sound of broken glass for some reason. Tinkle, tinkle, tinkle. But the wave of fat like flick stuck up. Yeah. Yeah. And he does a cartwheel through the air slams into the ground. Yeah. And it's like that scene from wanted where the car is flipping over. Yeah. Where like Angelita Jolie and that guy make eye contact with each other. But that's what that's really, that's Billy. That's Billy. And really on the back of the pig going, whoa.

Billy is thrown backwards by the inertia. Exactly. Yeah. That's the 7 to 9. So poor Billy through the air. But at least I'm safe. But yeah, tuck and I make beautiful eye contact because it's in opposite ways. No. As the pig that you have hefted into the sky comes crashing down with the rock bottom. An explosion of mud cascading against the orange of the setting sun. Oh, good. Your motorcycle. Yeah. And your other, your hog is destroyed. But you know, it's tired of this.

It's on its side and the leg feels so spinning. The legs are kicking a little bit. It's like the last gas is spilling it. Yeah. It's still at farting. I'm like that. And it also just gets up and walks away. The pigs always just get up and walk away. Yeah. I think it's interesting. The way that we've described this, it's almost like at some point there's like a spell that's broken on the pigs where they're like, oh, I'm done with this. Yeah. They just walk back to their home land. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm going back to the sky. This isn't worth it. But Billy speaking of mud time comes back. It flows normally as you slam into the mud like a little softball and are buried up to like your chin. It's okay. I'll do the halfling swim. What is that? It's when you read that move out. It doesn't exist. I made it up. We're building. So it's the halfling swim is when every halfling is trained to swim in mud because of how often it floods here. Great. It's a powerful backstroke. Okay.

Powerful backstroke. 2d6 plus strength. 10. Wow. That's just my raw dice power. Whoa. Yeah. Billy starts back stroking really fast. Yeah. The mud. Whoa. He looks like a little mud skipper. They're going like they're blurring. They're going fast. There's a rooster tail of mud following you. Yeah. He's like a little RC boat. Oh, yeah. He's been ripping through the mud stroking so fast. Yeah. Well, come back to Ving. Real quick. Cut away from that. You hear the editor go, Oh fuck.

Ken it's Ken Burns going, what the fuck. I'm just going to go. I'm just going to go. I'm just going to go. I'm just going to go. I'm just going to go. I'm just going to go. I'm just going to go. I'm just going to go. I'm just going to go. I'm just going to go. I'm just going to go. I'm just going to go. I'm just going to go. I'm just going to go. I'm just going to go. I'm just going to go. I'm just going to go. I'm just going to go. I'm just going to go. I'm just going to go.

I'm just going to go. I'm just going to go. I'm just going to go. I'm just going to go. I'm just going to have this over my eye for no reason at all. Okay. So Ken Burns is in the Lewis Ken right now. Ken's in the booth. He's in a sound booth at the audible headquarters. I can't believe you don't even have fucking parking here. I'm Ken God damn Burns. I'm a buff, goddamn it. Sir, we just got network notes.

It's weird that you're talking about this like quite small time podcast about what we're going to get. A fictional thing that happened in this really small time podcast, especially considering we're currently recording a documentary about the jazz age. It actually doesn't apply at all. You guys hear that? There's like a goddamn voice in my fucking head. Ken, you're wearing headphones. Why is this really so small? Get me out of here. And the door is still nice. Ken Burns just starts sundowning.

Oh, he's stroking out. It's lost. He's going to run for Congress. Bing is trying not to fight. Why was that that thing, man? Because it's funny. Thank you, Jessica. Trump and Biden are stroking out all the time. And that other guy that looks like Mac and me. Don't get the turtle guy. Oh my god. The guy is like… He's like a ch McConnell. Yeah, he looks like a turtle. You have to have a mental disability to run the US government. It's so funny. It's the requirement. Four on a new US soil.

Four before World War II. You should have an opinion on Taki's versus silent movies. Yeah. Steep mental decline. I ran away from a train in the theater once. Oh my god. He's a president. Bing is doing passive non-resistance because he knows who these pigs. This hatred is not towards me. I am not your enemy. He's trying not to fight back for some reason. So you're trying to convince the pig to get off you? I'm just going to fight him. This is why he's been taking it for so long.

I was doing passive non-resistance, but now I'm doing active resistance. I'm switching gears. I'm going to fight with honor. So that's how you get your Chi. Are you trying to hit him? Yeah, I'm going to take some hits while I garnish my Chi. Okay. All right. Okay. That's very Zen of you. I'm being very Zen. What are you garnishing it with? Parsley, really old kale and orange slice for some reason. Delicious. Yeah. 2d6 plus constitution. Constitution. 9. 9. So you get…

Who can I aid him or am I too far away? Oh, wait. I can aid from the distance. I get aid from the distance. Because of luck with the fair folk. Yeah. Promo distance. All the energy that I'm building from the kinetic movements. Wait, what? Hold on. Yeah. I'm swimming. So I'm building up all this static electricity. This is what's happening. It's happening. It's happening. It's happening right now. I'm listening to you.

And it's like all that static electricity is like flowing out through the mud and going to the closest living thing, which is Vang. Yeah. It supercharges his moves. Whoa, sick. I know. This is 11. Oh, shit. Yeah. Hell yeah. Something about being in the Everwood Valley makes Billy's. Yeah, that makes sense. That's fair. That's fair. Oh, yeah. We said it moves through the water and all this mud is water. Yeah. And there's also an underground cave system. The full load of magic water. Yeah. Right.

So when Vang starts feeling this energy building up in him and he's garnishing his cheek and then he just sinks further into the mud. Whoa. And the pigs like, what the fuck? The pigs stop. Stop. He's just like, huh, I swear I was trampling somebody just like me. Dave, Dave, get over here. I won. There was a guy in the eye. I killed him. You saw that guy. He turned to mud. I turned him into mud. And then that pig goes, you're the king now. You're the pig king now. You're the king of pigs.

I don't tell razor tusk. Oh, yeah. Razor tusk. Right. Yeah. Monster pig. Okay. So yeah, wait, how does Vang? I don't know. Mechanically, what is this? I really like that that you just like disappear into the mud. It's so cool. Yeah. Anime. Oh, break free from bonds or other confinement. Okay. There you go. The bond. The confinement was being smashed into the mud by this pig. Now you are in control. So I seep into the mud and just come up on the other side of him. Yeah.

And then I just emerge like pop back up to the mud. Yeah. And I say looking for this. And then I turn him upside down. What does that mean? What does this mean? What does this mean? What does that even kind of mean? Because Vang knows that if you put a pig on the ridge of its back, it goes docile. Is that true? No. I mean, I like it. You could have said yes and I would have believed you. I know. So you were like, yes. The menace there. Yes. So mischievous. No, you were a pig farmer for a while.

I would have believed you. Yeah. There's no way to come a pig down. They're always mad. They're always mad. Are made of hatred. Oh, so sorry. With the sevens and nine, you get two chi. Yeah. Great. So that was one. Break free from bonds or other confinement. And then I will deal your damage to the sour within reach. Okay. Yeah. Roll your damage. I got a two. Okay. Cool. So sweep his legs. Yeah, totally.

We got with the two, you're able to sweep his legs quite neatly and use your whoops upside down and the mud. His legs are sticking up and they're kind of kicking a little bit. Yeah. Just farting a little bit. Yeah. That pig is dealt with. Now we zoom out a little bit to the fight around us. The hogs that did not scatter completely have been more or less wrangled by the scarecrow and halflings. They're now Oh, right. Birdie and Berta have been on tucks just this whole time. Yep.

They pop out like, Oh my God. Yeah. They pulled into the Bjorn and then emerge like turtles. Totally forgot about those. Yeah. You like, you have a nice rack. I was going to say they look like we were like two boobs popping out. Especially with the mud over. Yeah. Just looks like you're in a busty courses. Whoa. Nip slip. I'm like, Ving sees me against the settings. And he's like, Oh my God. Shapes. Stop the press. Who is that? Vev? Is that you? Oh my God. He rubs the mud from his eyes.

I love the smell of a Vev in the morning. Good morning Vena. Yeah. No apocalypse out. Wow. That's really good. That was quick. I'm going to say this. Guys, I'm going to get it. I was surprised by that one. That's why improv is fun because it's fun for everyone. So the scarecrows are wrangling a bunch of the pigs. They've chased some of them off.

They've lashed some of them together that they're like, you know, there's a bunch of them standing around with ropes, like holding a big group of pigs that are yank. So they're like, Oh my God. There's a bunch of them standing around with ropes, like holding a big group of pigs that are yank and against their ropes. Mm hmm. A rope on the end of a stick. You know that trick? Yeah, totally. Yeah.

There's like three pigs left and they're sort of trotting around the outside of the fight, looking for an opening. The three of you come back together. Tuck billion, Ving. Tuck is pretty far away actually. Tuck's jogging towards Tuck's doing the thing where he's, he's like, he got really into like an anime head space. So he took Allison Scarf and he like Chinese music started playing and then he put like the scarf around his head and he tied it in a headband and then had like a long train. Yeah.

And then he took mud and he like put it all over his face. So it's the Mulan montage which is getting like her sword and everything. Totally. That's winding string instruments. Yes. Yeah. And he like, it's kind of like half Mulan, half Rambo first blood. Yeah. And then Mulan first blood. Yeah. And then you see, you see him walking in slow motion against the sun. And the wind is like whipping the scarf around. And he's got a beautiful, he's got a beautiful rack. And he's got a huge tent.

And his mowing cloth is also blowing. Oh my God. And he's thinking about Allison and he releases a dove. And releases. And Cherry blossoms like blow across the scene. Nice. And he pulls out two nine millimeters and runs in. And this just got John Woo. But that's what it looks like. It's taking the fight again. He's walking slow-mo from quite a distance away. Yeah. Bing hasn't been this like enamored in a while. He is like, oh my gee. Wow.

So he's, Tuck will be of no help in the remaining, in the last moments of this fight. And this scarecrow's are like, just get out of here. If you're not going to help, you got to get out of here. What do you do? Billy says, I ain't got time to bleed. Holy shit. He grabs another pitchfork. There's a lot of them laying around. Oh, they're all over the place. Pulling them out of the mud. Yeah. And does what? Heaves it at a pig that's kind of trotting by. Great. Volley. 2d6 plus dexterity. Nine.

Okay. Nice. All aid. 2dwind. I got 6. Oh, I'll aid the aid, I guess. You're too far away. Oh, no. But they can see how hot I look. That's right. I am inspired by the hotness. Yeah. I'm in full Miyazaki mode right now. Bing helped. He was like, Billy, look at Tuck right now. And Billy looked somewhere else for a second and Bing was like moved his head. He's like, no, look at Tuck. Okay. You see me silhouetted by the setting sun. Yeah. Another dove has been released. Oh my goodness.

And then you see like in sort of like 50% opacity in the sky behind me. Yeah. Allysus. Oh my gosh. It's in the cape that that's what I'm thinking of. All right. Yeah. You've talked me into it. You talked me into this. No, this is great. This is how this aid could work. Yeah. Bing saying look at Tuck and Billy looking somewhere else and then Bing moving his head. And then Bing says to Billy, draw this Billy. Draw this. I do. I follow the curves of Tuck's body with the pitchfork.

Drawing in the mud. Oh, nice. Okay. 2d6 plus bond. Eight. Okay, which makes that a seven, which makes that a seven. Wow. Oh, it's a 10. It's a 10, which means you just deal your damage. Nice. Do your damage to a pig with insight. Two. Two. It's playing for the lowest stakes right now. It's a huge damage everywhere. So awesome. Every time you guys hit a pig, it's too damaged. They have such thick skin. They do.

And the little halfling pitchfork courses through the air hits the pig and it goes, we and runs off. It's in the butt. Yeah. It runs back to its homeland. Yeah. With a fork in it. Yeah. Nice. Stick a fork in me. I'm done. It's returning to tell stories to all its pig brethren of the fork that got lodged in its butt. There are still a couple pigs. Oh, yeah. I'm going to try and take out two of them with a elemental form. Oh, okay.

I'm going to do like a bit, just like a little piggy, three stooges. I'm just going to try and get either side or head and knock their heads together and knock them out. Nice. So is this elemental mastery or elemental form? Elemental form. When you create a form for yourself from the elements, role plus con. Yeah. So what body are you making for yourself? I think if things are just going to use the magic water. I think it's going to make out two magic water snakes.

You know, like he sticks his hands down in the mud and then the snakes. Oh, the water kind of wiggles around your arm. Yeah. It raises up like a shan-chee. Yeah. Yeah. Comes up from the mud and comes around his arms. Yeah. Like eels, snakes, sick. And then. Yeah. 2d6 plus con. 8. I get to hold. Yeah. So you can spend those two hold to deal your damage to the pigs? Yeah. So we had these two water snake whips basically. So I just cook out. Yeah. And smash their heads together. Hell yeah. Great.

Deal your damage to both those pigs. 2. And a 2. 2. Holy shit. Oh my God. This is the pig number. Yeah. Pig number. All pigs have two hip plans. So yeah, you just the snakes lash out the water snakes gripping onto the pigs and slamming them together. Yeah. And the water make a cool, like big, huge wave. Yes. As it cracks together. Uh-huh. Oh yeah. In front of the sun. Yeah. And Ving has put mud down his shirt and mud in the back. So it's beautiful. Jessica Rabbit. It looks like Nicki Minaj.

Oh, so it's Tuxie. What is it? All the lump sun thing. And he's on the other side of the sun. So he's in full light. So it's like a spotlight on Ving. And Tux, Tux, like, whoa, Ving does not look healthy right now. It looks like Ken Burris. He looks crazy. Yeah. Like, the lumps are too lumpy. Yeah. He's like, he sees like Ving like fire these, like, water snakes at the two pigs and like, slam them together. He says, Park's back on the menu, boy. And then he starts just smearing shit on himself.

And Tux is like, oh, whoa. He might have gotten a concussion in this one. And Ving is mistaken to concern on Tux's face for, like, ooh. He's like, it's working. It's working. Look at the way he's looking at me. Oh, my God. What is this feeling? What's happening? This is crazy. This is crazy. Great. The two remaining pigs have run off and the scarecrows have got the pigs lashed down. They've, like, pulled the cords down to the point where the pigs are, like, laying in the mud. Uh-huh.

But are lashed to the ground, basically. So, yeah, the three of you are here. Everybody's breathing, have it, like, panting covered in mud. Yeah, so mud scarred. And one of the halflings, they're wearing, like, woven reed outfits, little tiny plaid shirts stuffed with hay. So cute. Like little raggedy hats and bandanas over their faces. And one of them hops up on the pigs with a little pitchfork. Go state your business. What?

These were, these were two, the pigs and the scarecrows were two dangers that you both ran into. Oh, yeah. We come with an offering. Yeah, Billy puts his hands up. We come in peace. And birdie and birdie emerge, like, arms, legs, and heads. Like popping out of my chin. My jacket. Out of the bjorn. Thank you. And go, hey, don't negotiate with these rap scallions. You're here to work for the Pumpkin King. That was our agreement. And the scarecrow go to the Pumpkin King.

No tyrant shall have control over these lands. If you stand with the Pumpkin King, you stand against the crows. What are the crows, Texas? It goes, I smell gossip. And he's rolling for gossip. Can I roll for gossip? Where's my lord? Pearl and Morris have their ears. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The gals are going to love this. What is going on out there? Can I use it like a parlay? You would have to offer them something. To fight danger charisma. I kind of want to just be charismatic at them.

Like you just want to ask them. Yeah, I just want to ask them. All right, 2d6 plus charisma. Jessica, stop jiggling those M&Ms in your hand. It took us brave warriors. We have not paid filthy to any kings of this land. And knowing the halflings, the land itself is the only thing that deserves fealty. And he releases another dove. Where is he getting all these doves? He's got to stop keeping them in doves. And the doves are filthy. And they aren't mad. Behind him, Ving plays a pamphlet.

Who do you mean? Tell us, who are the crows and how are they related to Jack of the Lantern and the Diggies? Billy's eating M&Ms. Billy's eating M&Ms. Billy's eating M&Ms. Billy's eating M&Ms. Billy's got to read it. Did he do the backstroke? Took so many calories out of him. Billy just finished a huge fight. Mayhaps the crows deserve our fealty right now. 13th. Okay, that's pretty high.

The scarecrow in front of you lowers his pitchfork, but not all the way, just so it's not pointed directly at your jugular. So it's pointed at my dick and balls? Yeah. Tuck calls his jugular. He says, the crows are the only true proponents of freedom in these lands. We fight for the calm and halfling. We fight to free the communities of the Everwood Valley from the tyranny of the pumpkin king. So we're on the same side. And Bertie goes, no, you're not. You said you were on our side.

That was the deal. They start kicking out of the Bjorn. And they're like, if you side with them, you are enemies of the pumpkin king. Oh, no. Let us out. Close the Bjorn. Tuck wants to very quickly cinch up the Bjorn. It's really tight so they can't get out. Dude, these things plus strength. Ted. He started kicking out and the Bjorn gets cinched around. They get smashed together. They're like, God, hand us. No, you get us audience with the pumpkin king and only then will we let you free.

And if you betray us, I'll fucking eat you. No. Bill, you're just going to tell lies. You think there's only one of me? No, there are several. And they didn't do what Tuck wanted. So what do you think happened? Oh. Oh, shit. Yeah, we had a bunch of half-ling children before Tuck's not totally over. And I was like, no. Hey, I hate them. I hate them. The crows are backing up. Yeah, so I mean, we're kind of at a tense impasse here. Yeah. What do you do? Should we do a huddle? Do a huddle?

Yeah, we can huddle up. We'll huddle up. Should we figure out what we want? So do you guys go just a sec? Yeah, just a sec. We're just trying to figure something out. I have a keyboard, like in actual crossroads here. Yeah, but it feels like the crows are trying to like save the Everwood Valley. Yeah, so I'm on their side. I'm also on the crows side. How do we let them know that we are on their side, but we need to not tip our hat that we're going to go in and spy on the pumpkin king?

Well, you can just tell them that we're going to go spy on the pumpkin king. Oh, yeah, they might like that. Yeah, but we can't let Birdie and Birdie know that. Well, I feel like Birdie and Bird are just our hostages now. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I'm going to pretend to kill them if they don't, if they want to betray it. We're kind of in. Tugs like I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that in the relationship between us and Birdie and Birdie, we have the upper hand. Also, we could blackmail them.

Yeah. Because they ate all those blueberries, which is against the rules with the pumpkin king. Yeah. Also, their brother and sister, we could say that we saw them fucking. Which isn't against a rule of hard rule for the pumpkin, but it is frowned upon. Yeah. Very proud of mine. You hear Birdie and Birdie going, Oh, oh. Birdie and Birdie are in the huddle against their will. Ooh. So, yeah, I think he's like, get away from each other. Yeah, exactly. No. Yeah. We sided with the crows.

We sided with the crows. Okay, break. We come back. Yeah, we look really cool. Like we swagger towards the crows. Yeah. And think goes, ah, ah, and Billy flaps his wings. Tech pulls out another. I know. I dove. That's a crow. Yeah. It's out of the Bjorn's. This thing is full of people and birds. It's full of water bottle pockets. Yeah. You had a bunch of birds, Trevor. I think a bandily of birds. Yeah. And he releases a dope. Incredible. So, what say ye?

We sided with the crows that fight for the halfling lands. How do I know you speak the truth and will not betray our cause? Being calls a crow over and gets it to speak on our behalf. Okay. Can I do that? Yeah, absolutely. I'd say with a crow to fight danger charisma probably to get when we come to you. Six. I will help with your M&Ms. Yeah. So, Billy starts throwing the M&Ms in the air. Eight. Okay. So, seven to nine. Thank you for sacrificing. This is a huge. I'm silently crying.

But he knows this for the greater good. Can this seven to nine be that when the crow comes to land, it eviscerates one of the dubs that took the least. It catches it and kills it. But they don't, they're not hunters. They're scavengers. Yeah. But this one's killing the first part. Not even hunting. So, it just lands and it's draped in blood and feathers. Yeah. What's going on? It's just looking at all of you. What's up? What do you need? Hey, it's me, Ving. And he recognizes my face. Oh, yeah.

I've heard of you. You're the spirit walker. That's right. I just want you to speak. I just killed that dove. Oh, it was great. I was hoping we didn't have to talk about it. Oh, you're a boy. Have you ever killed a dove before? I have by accident. Oh, it's nothing like it. Ending something that is truly beautiful and innocent. But no other reason than just to end it. You have a little something just there. Why no? Don't tell the other crows I did this. Oh, we can hear this conversation.

Oh, yeah. Everybody can hear this crow talking. Yeah. What are they doing? They're just looking at the crow. They're just looking at the crow. They can we hear it. We hear it speak. We hear this bird's words. Yes. If you side with the crows when we are with you, you will hear all the crows. And they you can get them to be on your side and they huddle together. Billy's nodding sagely like, wow, yeah. Yeah. You will have the power of not only the earth, but of the sky.

And you can see what they do to doves. It's pretty fucked up. And Tucker doesn't say anything because he's crying. You suggested this. Don't put this on me. Tucker, why would you do that? I think I created it in the world. You fucking piece of shit. You took Alice in a way for me and you took Black's fire away from me. And now Darren. And now my best friend, the dog. Another thing is crying because Tucker the dove is best friend. I thought that you and I were both dead.

Charlotte, what you did to us. Billy is crying because he's like, I think my parents are fighting against a force. And then I'll be an orphan. That's what happens when parents get divorced. As the kid becomes an orphan, he thinks in weekends and sometimes holidays. And the crows convene for a while. But the pigs who are also here right are talking. Don't listen to them. Don't listen. They're lying to you. They're just trying to so discord.

But they seem shocked for a moment that they can hear the pigs and they go silent swine. Wait, this pigs are trying to so discord between who and halflings. Between each other and halflings. Okay. Because this is the enemy is the hogs and also all of the animals here can talk. What else are they selling? Are they basically like Heath Ledger's Joker? Like they're just in pure chaos. Pretty much it would seem. They're sowing discord. Wow. Sorry. Spelt the same way.

I'm never sure how to pronounce it. The crows turned back to you. So you offer us the power of the crows? The crows are their own by off you their wing and friendship. And you will help us in our fight against the pumpkin king. Yes. Can you aid us? In our quest to dismantle the pumpkin king. From within. And get rid of the hogs. And restore the lands back to their former glory. Yes. Yes. We can offer you this. We can offer you our aid. And you offer us your aid.

And together we will aid each other. What do you know of the pumpkin king's fortress? The Laundry Hill. A village of previous idyllic beauty. Barricated and turned into a citadel. Of… Goords. These be gorgeous. I'm sorry. It's been a long day of fighting. I was up on that pole for like 15 hours. I got heat stroke up there. I have to pee so bad. I actually think I might have already started. There's no way to tell after holding it for this long. The hogs start like becoming more active.

You can smell it. We must get to it. I want to drink that piss. I'm so racist. I want to drink the piss. Man, racists are weird. All racist. And one of the hogs go all racist people love drinking piss. Yes. They call themselves people a little bit. Um… And… If you disagree, that means you're racist. No, racist. Yeah, you're trapped now, piss drinker. I would check that bubbly. It's full of piss. Yes.

You remember when that study came out that said like mints had like a hundred different kinds of piss on them? Mints? Yeah, mints. What? Like after dinner mints. A hundred different kinds of piss. They were bowl of mints. They were covered in… Yeah, they were covered in mints. Oh! Mints. And once you unwrap, like out of the factory it has piss. I think out of the factory it has piss. No, don't say that. Okay. No, but like… How? How is there that much piss on… Just some people touching it.

Okay. In the factory with all the gloves and stuff? Yeah, I don't know. I think like the factory is like covered in piss. A tool. Don't lie to me. I'm not. This is the thing I heard. I heard it in 2012. So it must be true. Everything that was said in 2012 came true. What? Oh, it's true. Yeah. What is it? Studies showed high concentrations of urine and fecal matter on materials such as mints and candies, bowls of unwrapped snacks at like restaurants. Oh, well done. Okay.

Yeah, so shit that's wrapped in plastic is probably not going to be covered in piss. But if you're having like a… Plastic is definitely covered in piss. And here's the thing. I'm still eating those candies. Wow. I'm not eating the uncovered ones. Oh my God. Oh my God. Sean is a racist. No, no, no, no. You love drinking piss. This is what it means. This is what it means. I just love having a healthy immune system, which sometimes means consuming a little bit of piss. Oh my God. He invented it.

Oh my God. Trump, what's that under your hair? And then it's a… It's like a hat. What? What? You're on your… Go back to your bank, Sean. Let's see what you got hiding. He's wearing a can helmet with a can't piss. We're all fighting against so much individually right now. Okay. So the crows have at least this group have acknowledged that they will accept your aid if you so choose to help them. Join us at the roost. No wait. That's too crow-like.

They're called the crows because of the scarecrow outfits. I feel like they lean into it. Yeah, they do. Yeah. They're like, we are more crow-like. More crow-y. Right. So the roost. It's kind of a mishmash thing. I think they had to put this aesthetic together for a pretty good intervention. They did. Yeah. They had like two days to set everything up. Yeah. Right. And shoddy their zones. It's only been like a week and a half. And at the pump this guy's thing. Yeah. Right.

And his buddy's like, it's just the HQ. Yeah. Yeah. Join us at the roost. If you so choose. We do. Very well. Another dove falls from the sky. Dead dead. Oh, man. I didn't even get that one. That one just died a whole day. Oh, my God. Natural causes. You hate to see it. Tucks crying again. Oh, my God. Mitch. Okay. So from here. Okay. We have hostages now of the pump. Yeah. We have to take them to the roost. We do. I sent you it up even time. You're not going anywhere. You're a little weird us.

And we're going to make sure you guys stop fucking each other. Shoo warning. Just trying to guess like them. To thinking they have sex. We didn't. Did we? We didn't do. What? We're saying it so much. We got to try to stop this guy from fucking each other. I'm just trying to get to the roost. I'm just trying to get to the roost. I'm just trying to get to the roost. I'm just trying to get to the roost. I'm just trying to stop this guy from fucking each other. Wait, what? Can I suggest something?

Yes, please, please. Okay. So their roost is because they're like deep in the valley. They live in little shacks on still. So cool. Yeah. And so their barricade is just a bunch of sticks built up like a tall fence. A tall fence around their roost zone. So it looks like a big nest with a little. Yeah, like the sticks kind of are poking out in the front of the open. A whole sharpened stick. They've carved turnips to look like skulls. They're stuck on the sticks.

And they're like the bot like they have the skull turnip head. But then they did put like scarecrow bodies on. So it's like all these freaky scarecrows. Oh, that's so cool. And the nest itself is big enough that it houses an entire community inside it. Yeah, it's like a little hamlet. Yeah.

And you like, you know, you approach this fortified nest structure and the halfling that was leading you here, you know, you traveled for a while through like an hour, but in the same way that you felt when you crossed the river, the distance feels very unusual. Yeah. And it's like you get there and you're like way more tired than you'd expect if you're after only walking for an hour. And eating through magical water mud. Yeah. It just changes things.

It feels like we should be able to see the river like the sunwise and the wittershins at all times, but we can't. Oh, it's over the horizon now for some reason. Yeah. Yeah. And you get to like the gate and the guy goes, like, and they cook, cook, cook, cook, cook, and the little gate is opened. But like, tucking thing, you could step over this fence if you really wanted to go on. I stoop to like, yeah, to the, yeah, of course. Yeah, you're playing along. Duck does the same thing.

You walk into this community and it's very like, it feels like an old West town. Like there's people like walking, you know, like they're riding chickens like through the, through the roads. Nice. There's another, there's a blacksmith like, but he's just working on like a scarecrow. So he's just hitting like a shirt full of hay with a hammer. Let's go buy with a stick and a wheel, but the wheel is a tumbleweed. You know, yeah, totally. Hey, everybody, give me one more detail from this roost.

I want to know what this place is like. There's a saloon with miniature horses parked in, just drinking out of a trough. Yeah. You hear that carousing and piano playing and the doors are swinging. Somebody comes flying out in a fist of cuff. Oh, very rough and tumble thrown out in the mud. Yeah. And everything's because everything's lifted off the ground. Like you, everyone has to climb these ladders to get up to places. Oh, yeah.

It's just these drunken people who can't like get up and down the ladder. Yeah. And there's walkways between everything. Cool. Like it's almost once we're inside of it. The like quote unquote nest structure outside is actually kind of a huge wall around the whole of the hamlet. And then it's like sort of a lot of crisscross. You guys are like talking bigger, like ducking ladders and bridges, like bridges. Yeah. It's sort of like the sticks, but smaller. Yeah. Cool. You walk villagey. Yeah. Yeah.

They have dried vegetables hanging from the stilts, like from the woodwork that builds the stilts. And there's actually like some crows that are like also nesting on the rooftops. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And the scarecrow that walked you in here, it takes you past this saloon and you hear some real like honky tonk ass, like piano music coming out of the windows with a lot of like, oh, you're cheating at cards. Like that kind of shit. And then the scarecrow goes, oh, this is perfect.

Here now comes our leader. He like gestures towards the double doors as they flap open and it walks a little old halfling with a handle bar mustache and long white hair and a big mug of cream and a big mug of cream. And he goes wild bill. He lives. And that's where we're going to end it for this week. I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara. Joining me is always playing Tacoma Dome, the barbarian Abdul Aziz. Another dove falls from his skin. Into his mug of cream. Great shakes.

But evening the half elf druid Paul Opers. Take care. Playing fat Billy the halfling thief. Jessica Ty. It's Bill. Thank you to Aaron Reed for our intro and outro music. He would recognize you, right? Oh, probably. Yeah. Thank you to Aaron Charles Reed for our intro and outro music. You can find the music of Aaron Charles Reed under the name Aaron Charles Reed at erinread.bandcamp.com. And all of the music that Aaron has produced for the show at SoundCloud.com.

Thank you to all of our supporters around the world for supporting the show in a myriad of ways, primarily money, but also love and support. Yeah. That was an amazing fan art. Incredible fan art and music. Fan songs. It's just, yeah. You know what? We have a spell or community discord, which you can find the link to just about everywhere. You can find it in the show descriptions. You can find it at our Twitter. We'd really love for you to come by and hang out. It's a really fun place.

And finally, and most of all, thank you to all of you for listening. We'll see you next time. And so ends the tale of Adventures 3 who tried the best they can. The dumb and scared and lost they'd be. For times are breast in revelry. And though our journey may be lying, a conclusion. We will not leave you without a resolution. Return next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores. And for you I gladly spell pla.

Hi everyone, it's Fat Billie here. Thanks for coming. Listen to our podcast. If you want more podcasts, you can go patreon.com slash Spote Lore, where you can give us some money. And I like money so I can buy snacks. You know them by name, you know them by deed. Their quests are famously daring. So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing. Tuck is the brute, you know Zadda's home, you lust to sing and find.

Fingers have healthy, shifts to shape and wields us near with great pride. Billie's a thief is tiny sized as mass the largest heart. Best in rest, they may not be but their friendship outweighs their smarts. So gather our friends and listen close for the tales about this new world. Hello everybody and welcome to Spout Lore. I'm your Game Master, Shano Hera. Joining me is always playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian Abdulaziz. Hey everybody. Playing Ving the Half Elf Druid, Paul Hoppers. Hello there.

And playing Fat Billie the Halfling Thief, Jessica Ty. Hello. When last we left our heroes, they did wage war against the unclean hog hordes in the desolate mudscape of the Everwood Valley in a fight that had it all pig motorcycles. Anime headbands, little kids flapping like flags on the back of a hog. Bird on bird violence. Bird on bird violence.

Ving was almost completely drowned, pushed further and further into the mud by a horrible pig in a saving private Ryan moment and then emerged using his new found ability to call forth the spirits to eliminate two of the hogs with some water snake moves. So this is a sick fight. It was a very cool fight. It was maybe one of the cooler fights we've done. Which is absurd because it's been seven years and the coolest fight that we've had was against some pigs. And we only rolled twos as damage.

Exactly. Following the fight, the party was stopped by one of the scarecrow clad halflings asked to state their business and told about the crows, a faction of halflings, that according to their own words are attempting to repel the tyranny of the pumpkin king, which the party immediately was like, that sounds sick. Let's do that. Bird immediately forgetting the allegiances we have already. You've already forged. Yeah. And we at that point had also forgotten that we were being tracked by a god.

We are like two tangents deep right now. Oh yeah. I also forgot about that. Yeah. Those are the stakes. Birdie and Burda, your original guides then became your hostages as you tightened the baby yarn securing these two soldiers of the pumpkin king. And we're taken to the roost. It seems like a maybe previously existing halfling village that has been co-opted and occupied by the crows as a sort of base of operations.

Once within this raucous, ruten-tuten-hunk-y-tonk halfling mud village, you were faced by the leader of the crows. Wild Bill. Ooh. And that is where we find our heroes now. A two-foot tall halfling round of body, handlebar of mustache, dowar of demeanor, snorts, spits, and then takes a sip of his mug of cream, says, well, what do we have here? It is I and Billy likes takes a stance. What stance? Like, he's trying to do what Wild Bill is doing, which is kind of cowboy. Yeah, totally.

He gets where his hips are, his hands on them. He's moving his hands around. Like, he's like, no, that's too high. Find his hips. No, that's too high. No, no, that's back fat. Okay. No, no. It feels like it's all back fat. Yeah. I think I'm all back fat. Guys, well, back fat. And then Billy, like, he's like, I think it's my stance. So he like puts his legs wider and then slips. He's like, oh, no, accident, it'll splits again.

And while Bill and the surrounding crows are just watching this happen, watching Billy flop around in the mud, as I live and breathe, is that fat, Billy? Billy gets up off the mud and I demand to know where razor tusk is. Everybody laughs. Why are you laughing at me? Don't love it, our kids. Yeah, don't laugh at our kids. Yeah, I'm just asking a really normal question. If you think if I knew where razor tusk was, I'd be here bandying about with these fools.

Well, I don't know what you're doing out here. When the pumpkin king is out there bandying around with all of our groceries and stuff. I don't know what I'm doing. Tuck and figure are tall enough that we can see over the walls of the town. And we like look back and we see low tree hill and we see a little figure literally bandying two backouts. Look at my groceries. That was the because we've talked about how in the Wittershins, like the distance is further than you thought it was.

But because it would be funny, the Wittershins made low tree hill visible for a second. So you can understand who the villain is. The distance follows cartoon kid lives. We're in a cartoon now. Yeah. Like Bill, you're the one who's supposed to be like the toughest guy in town. And here you are like hiding out in a cronest or whatever. We call it the roost actually. And I'm not hiding. I'm planning. What are you planning? A way to take down razor tusk and the pumpkin king in one fail swoop.

I want to get info about this. Okay. How so? I would like to parlay. Yep. So parlay is you are offering something. I turned to you guys. What about if we offer ourselves as mercenaries for hire? As long as there's pain involved, really. Yeah. Five gold coins a day. That sounds good to me. Yeah. I'm okay with that. We can do five gold coins. Do you need us to help in any way? Yeah. If you want to ship in, I mean, I don't know what I'm doing. Ship in wood to pay us. No, like your words.

I'll do the dental, I guess. With your words. Oh, okay. I don't know if I can convince him on my own. He's kind of a scary guy. How about we just stand here very imposing. We'll pop ourselves up. Yeah. You be the mayor. You do the mayor thing where you picture. And then we'll make ourselves look so buff. Okay. And we start oiling each other up. And I look over. Wild Bill's kind of nodding. Okay. He likes it. He likes it. We'll oil and pose down a bunch behind you. Interesting.

Bill, I have a proposition for you. What if we, you know, me and my pals who are very buff and strong and tall? What if we help you with whatever plan you have to, I assume, take down the pumpkin king and restore order to the half and lens? All right. 2d6 plus charisma. 13. 13. Oh, yeah. You guys did a good job. He loves it a lot. Yeah. He's like scratching his little chin between his handlebars on his mustache and nodding at tucking vegans. They oil each other up.

Things like, have you seen my song? He's about, yay, big around and about, yay, big around. He goes, well, in a battle such as this, we could use all the help we could get. And you hear a voice off to the side go, you can't be serious. Bill. And a halfling pushes our way through the crowd. A halfling you recognize, Billy, from a potato throw in mud lark all those years ago, a halfling you betrayed. Oh, no. Oh, whoa. What's the same again? I don't remember. It's a lady. We never got her name.

Dorothy. Yeah, you hear a voice on the other side of the crowd. Say, Bill, come on. You can't be serious. And a little halfling woman pushes her way through the crowd. She's got a big scar down her face. Holy shit. She's got strong little halfling arms. Whoa. And she has a crowd of hot dogs. She has a crowd of hot dogs. Now dried and old, but she's got like a slung over her back. She's got what looks like garden shears that have been broken in half. Whoa. So she's got like two shears over that.

So sick, like, symmetries. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's so cool. I like that. She's like, we can't trust them. And we can't trust him most of all. And she points right at Billy. What? What? Why? You don't remember, do you? Remember what? You don't remember at all, but you framed me. Oh, shit. After you framed me, I got thrown in the brig in mud lark, and then those frogs attacked, and I had to fight my way out. That's how I got this. I mean, it's a pretty cool scar. Oh, yeah. It is a cool scar.

You're right. Yeah. I mean, Bill's character, right? You're trying to convince me that the way you betrayed me was actually a good thing. You can't be taking this seriously. Can you, Bill? Bill goes, Dorisley. I've made my decision. We are not in any position to turn away aid in this time of war, this hog pocko lips. And he looks up at the maroon sky, the blood red, the pig red sky above. The gas, like all of their shit farts is like making the sky just red. Oh, that thing's a shimmering myth.

Yeah. We just see like a. Borealis. A cup of fart. Yeah. The lights are the end. You usually can't, usually gas doesn't stay together. Like, you usually can't see a fart like that. What these pings it does. Yeah, a little cloud. They call it the Borealis. Oh. Oh, I get it. I did it. Oh, sorry. I'm going to pull the way and disgusting. No, I just don't, I didn't get it. That was amazing. And Dorothy says, well, you can trust them if you want, Bill, but you can't make me trust them.

I've got my eye on you, bud. I'm watching. Okay. And she stalks away into town. Don't worry, Billy. We were really new to Dungeon World at that point, so we kind of know what we were doing. Yeah. Yeah. We were all flailing little babies. Yeah. You're just learning lessons. Yeah. Yeah. It's fine. Sometimes in your past, you encounter people that you have harmed. And that's, everybody makes mistakes. It's just important that you make amends at some point. Yeah.

If we felt guilty for every person that showed up from a past with a giant scar cut across the face, we'd never get anything done. Yeah. When has that happened to you guys? Like, what have you ever had that? Yeah. My first babysitter. I met them in the Corla Woods. You know, years after, I know they came out to Org Shield. They were banned because of how I treated them. Oof. I'm trying to make this funny. That's, that's so dark. They were so dark.

I'm sorry, they didn't mean to bring up bad memory. Bad girl. It was a little prince. I ruined this kid's life. Showed up huge scar in his face. Well, you know, maybe this will be like me making amends by volunteering us to fight. Yeah. Save their town. Totally, Billy. That's a great way to make amends. His first seat in your life. It's what happened with me and Fattam. Remember, I totally fucked up his face. Oh, yeah. That's true. And then he came. Fattam's probably really mad right now.

He probably is really mad right now. Smash cut to Fattam. What's he doing? I'm so mad right now. Fucking. He's just like punching a tree. Like, oh, I'm so mad about Tuck. Every time I think about him, just get so mad. We are right. Yeah. He punches the tree. A bunch that he kisses it for a second. He's like, what? Look, no, no. No. I'm so mad at confused. It's all his fault. So he just regulated. And he starts walking away and then he stops and he looks back at the tree a little bit.

And then no. The shot switches to a wide and mirrors just sitting there with a lemonade. He's like, why is wrong with this guy? Oh my god. Oh my god. Mirrors is in this episode. Take that, fuckers. You're welcome. That is canon happening right now. Yeah, but then it's canon. Content warning. Yeah. Yeah. I imagine they are still together. Did we talk about how Fadam leave? No, he was still in there. Okay, yeah. So they're probably still together. I've had some ideas about what Fadam's up to.

Yeah. Yeah. I think because now he's got the eye and we've talked about how he is getting visions. I think he's sort of a, I think he's kind of a wandering demon hunter right now. Like he's trying to get answers. Oh my god. Here's his going with him. Yeah. He's following the path of the mausoleum, but maybe not known to him. Yeah. Because yeah, his eye makes him able to resist demonic influence and also I think is like damaging to demons in a way. Oh yeah.

Like the life from his eye is very powerful. Yeah. Because it's Sunstone. Yeah. Yes. They seek the corners, the shadows when he's around. Yeah. He knows to look in the darkest plot. Places. And he's wearing a red Adidas tracksuit as Jessica set up in the episode. He's awesome. Yeah. He's got a big hammer, a red Adidas tracksuit. His hair's long now. Balding in long? Like long from the back? No, he shaved his head by choice. That was how he was different from tuck a little bit. Oh right.

He had no beard and a little hair. But he shaved it a little bit. Tuck is unwillingly bald? Unwillingly. OK. Yeah. No, wait actually. In the first episode, you did say bald of head by choice. Oh right. Oh yeah. But don't be. But in the tuck voice you said that. Like choice. Yeah. Oh, we don't know. Yeah. Tuck's always kept his shave. So you don't know if it's if he has male pattern baldness. Every morning he goes, I'm going to shave my head now. No. She just runs the tap for a while. The tap.

Yeah. Yeah. He's getting really good at making razor sounds. Yeah. And then when we're somewhere where there isn't a tap, he really makes us stink about it. Like, oh, too much. It's going to be so hard to dry shave my head because I have to do it every day. Yeah. He puts he puts little cuts there. Oh, I cut my head, Jay. Yeah. Takes a minus tooth. He's cutting his own scalp instead of just admitting that he's bald. Ah, it's so itchy. I can feel it coming in. It's so thick. I got to go shave.

Oh, man. It's driving me nuts. As soon as we get out of the sea of grapes, I'm going to treat my head. That's a sure scenario. Yeah. Yeah. Guys, sorry for this five o'clock shadow. I'm wearing the top of my head. Well, Dorothy's concerns us side. I think. I think you might be in the right place. I think we could use some Marshall expertise. We come not just with Marshall expertise. Wild wilder bill. We need to build. Tex says, he's like, I'm trying to make it sound cool.

But that's just his name. Great. We come bearing information as well. And then I hit the buckle on the Bjorn that makes the baby fall out. And Ernie and Berta both fall onto the mud. They tumble to the ground. Yeah. Up until this point, they thought I had boobs. Well, I have to admit, up until this point, I thought you were in possession of a sweet rack. But now I'm to see a couple stuges of the pumpkin king. And then Tucker's fear not. What remains still has many gifts I can impart.

And then I make my pecs dance. Can't help but notice you're picking up dice. I would like to make a performance check. No, I haven't been watching too much. Performance checks do not exist. And you will not be rolling for whatever you're about to do. Oh, well, I'm going to make my pecs dance so much that he gets like so excited. He starts nodding again, watching your pecs dance. I was, oh, all right. They kind of tell a story. There's a narrative to the dance. Yeah.

Like telling what we're going to do, like planning it all out. And also explains how we got here and who we are. So I told the story of the podcast. In a pecs dance. From what? Through the pecs dance. Unrelating pecs. Pictorial muscles. Thing is playing that like Indian instrument that goes. Wanna, annay, annay. A setar? Yeah. You know, it's the horn. The woodwind. Oh, yeah. With the bulb on the end. Yeah. Oh. Great. And there's a fire crackling in the center of town.

Everybody's gathered around to watch tux pecs dance. Yeah. The sun has set. Yes. This is how it's going. That is 200 hours of content. Yeah. There's a lot to get through. And as your pecs finally come to arrest. Feeds of sweat. So tired. And the crowd begins to applaud. And Wild Bill, who has been nursing the same cup of cream. This whole time gets up. He wipes a tear from his eye. So I think I can speak for all crows when I say that your story is one of. Bravery.

And I think that we would be glad to have you fight at our side as we attempt to repel the tyranny that is forsaken the ways of the Everwood Valley. Thank you. Billy, if I may say you have a complicated history in these lands. I understand. But if you come here in order to help in order to heal this place, allow me to be the first to welcome you back home. Thank you, Bill. And the other halflings begin to clap. Wow.

The camera kind of zooms in on the side and leaning against a stilt support of one of the huts is Dorothy. She grimaces. She walks into the shadows. Spits a tooth under the ground. That's not hers. She's been sucking on a tooth. It's sucking on somebody else's tooth. She's so hard. That's so hard, Cor. So scared of her. Holy shit. She butched the tooth out of someone's mouth and then started sucking. And started sucking on it. Billy is crying so hard. Is this all?

I've been thinking about this for so long. It's sort of a beautiful moment. And okay, so what are halflings? Okay, this is actually a real cultural question I have. What does a thing halflings do when they welcome the return of one of their own? Feast. Okay, we're doing a feast. Nice. Then we smash cut too. Tables have been pulled out of all of the buildings and have been set up in this like muddy square. And they have been laden. Well, quote unquote laden with what food they have. Oatmeal.

It's mostly oats. The pumpkin king having hoarded most of the food. Yeah, it means that there is not much in the way of vitals for this feast. But symbolically, the intention is clear to welcome you into this community, to welcome Billy back to his home. Dried blueberries. Yeah, we still have the blueberries. Yeah, we add them to the feast. And the halflings are glad to see the berries. And birdie and birdie. Like what the f***? Where'd you get these? Those are supposed to be for…

I have almost teapot, so I add that. Oh, oh yeah. Billy feels like this is a big deal. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it is a big deal for Billy. He's been welcome back to the Everwood Valley. I've never been welcome at a feast. Yeah. Whoa. Really? Yeah. Whoa. I'm gonna shoot him away. That sucks. Man. I mean, yeah. Tuck is really mad. Oh, it's so… You little f***s. Yeah, you didn't really realize the extent to which they treated Billy like s***. Yeah, I've never been to a feast. Oh.

The thing's trying to show it as like a teachable moment. Like look at what you do when you stop running from your… asshole past? I don't know. Yeah, so there's oatmeal's. There are blueberries that you've contributed. The crows have been like… It seems like they've been hitting pumpkin king like caravans. Oh yeah. So they've been stealing some food. The actual crows, like they have the actual crows on their side. Oh. And the crows are going to like… Oh, oh.

They've gone stolen bits of food. Yes. So there's like random stuff like there is a chicken leg. Part of our parlay was that the crows will be on their side. Yes, that is true. Yeah. Like they'll be up on their side but now they can communicate. I also like the idea that they bring out a dish and there's like four or five roasted doves. Tuck is still like in anime mode. He looks at the doves and he like… He sheds a single tear. And then also… I do love chicken. Oh, I'm delicious.

Yeah, and it's this very nice… The cream flows. The halflings are getting pretty rowdy. Excited at this. What could very well be a turning point in their battle? Yeah. Having these warriors of renown. Let's see each of you guys at the… How are you ingratiating yourself to the halflings? Oh, it's a good question. Tuck is… He's like doing the thing… Where he's like taking them and then throwing them in the air and then catching them and then… Like toddlers?

Yeah, then he lifts up their shirt and then he'll blow a raspberry out their belly. And he'll be like, Oh, what's going on over here? Do you know, should I put you down? Oh, no, he's going in the air! And they are loving it. They can't get another… The lineup is like so… He like let them go and they run back around. Yeah, they have to… And then they get in fights and like you guys have to be good in line or else you won't get the tumble bum. You have to be at least this short to run.

Yeah, they made a little sign. Yeah. Yeah. They made the sign because… Vinc was like, Do it with me, do it with me. It was a disaster. Yeah, you destroyed a lot of shit. So they made a sign that was like, You have to be this short to ride this ride. Vinc got stuck in a chandelier. Yeah, so fucking good. And then they point at Vinc and they're like, You see the right side! Okay, okay, okay. What about Vinc? Oh, Vinc's doing a mime of… No, I was just like, he's doing like… What's like guys?

Dorf? Dorf? He's doing a dorf bit where he's putting shoes on his knees and he's doing a play on his knees. Yeah, yeah, he's pretending to be short. Yeah. Wait, is this… Not okay? Is this not okay? They're the half wings mad about this. I don't know. I think they're like… I think they think it's pretty funny. They think big people are funny just in general. They think they're like, Ohfish. Okay. Just kind of as a rule. When Tuck clogs the biggest doing that for a second, he's like, Oh, fuck.

Oh, no. What about Billy? Billy is patching the roof where being went through. Very nice. Yeah, he doesn't know how to do it very well. Yeah, but the fact that he's trying means a lot to the halflings. That's true. Yeah. But he's making like too much of a show about it. Like he's like, Phew, like, forgot how heavy he is. Like, yeah, Billy, it's very heavy. Thank you for helping. He just really wants them to like him. Yeah. And honestly, there is a fairly positive…

I think there's a hesitantly positive feeling that the halflings have to work. Billy did accidentally start a little fire. But he put it out really fast. And because Hank or anybody noticed. Yeah, anybody that saw it freaked out for a second. It was like, not again. How many people that are in this town have interacted with Billy? Well, how long ago did Billy leave? Not that long ago. I mean, like a couple years ago. I think everyone except babies. Yeah, that's true. Okay.

Most halflings have either interacted with or heard about Billy. Yeah, they've all seen him. They all hate him. Right, okay. So they all know that you burned down the side list. Yeah, everyone and the babies know. Yeah. They're told. They're told about it, yeah. Never trust a Billy. And near the end of the night, things are starting to wind down. Halflings have fallen asleep on the tables. They're snoozing in the mud. So it started helping. I finished. He helped Billy finish the job. Yeah.

Because he just knew he would fuck it up. Right. Yeah. Yeah. It was like using his spit to try to put it together. Just spitting on Hank and kind of matching it. It's getting so upset. Like, why isn't it sticking together? Why? I was like, glue. Spit is so sticky. The night gets to that vibe where someone's walking around with a garbage can and like putting cans in it. Oh, nice. And wild bill approaches. I think it's time we spoke about what's been going on, what we need. Yeah. Come with me.

Okay. And he walks into the bar, which is sort of like woven. It's this building looks like it was thrown up as like a rest place for the crows that kind of became a bar. So it's like woven out of sticks. Like it's got this very circular kind of oblong. Like a hummingbird nest. Like a hummingbird nest. Cool. And wild bill sits down at a piano. A very small piano. Like this is his desk. He cracks. He sits behind a piano and goes, please sit down. Take a seat. This little super baby grand piano.

Cute. Super baby. It's the tiniest grand piano we've ever seen. It's like a coffee table. And he starts playing a quiet but jaunty tune. On end of the night, sort of song and begins speaking. What have you heard about what's been going on? But the the pigs are. Yeah. The pigs, the pumpkin king. You know where we stand. We made a lot of guesses that were immediately substantiated by Bert. Tell me, tell me about these guesses just to refresh the memory of somebody who might not.

The way that we understand it is that the hog times came, which is the pig thing. And because can't help but be a little bit. It's a very scary and serious. It's really serious. So then Jack Wick, who would become the pumpkin king. Yes. He would. He used the like disruption at your absence because you went to fight razor tus. That did. He spits on the ground. He used that to try and take over the halfling lands and he burned the dingies.

And it was all because he was heartbroken because he was in love with the daughter of the dingies and was also exiled. And as also an arson. Yeah, he's an arsonist. And you guessed all that? I think I also told. We entude it. Yeah. Which is different than guessing, I think. You'll find. I may ever remember the stuff that went on here. I know that Jack hated the dingies. He holds on to grudges for a long time. So I mean, it just makes sense.

And he was pretty vocal from what Billy said that he about that he was going to get revenge. He was very vocal. I mean, Bill, don't you remember? Like he took out ads in the paper. They were effusive and contained a number of drawings that I have yet to forget. Right. I mean, and there's one point where he knew that people stopped reading the ads because of how many he was taking out. He bought the front page and his newspapers like all ads. It's all the same ad.

Well, then it sounds like you are pretty much up to speed almost accidentally. It would seem what happened when you fought razor test. Well, let's just say I gave as good as I got. Well, no, actually he gave a lot more, but I gave a good amount. We faced off on the edges of the sun wise and he bested me in battle and he took off into the fields, but not before I was able to get this and he reaches like into his waistband and pulls out metal sheath tusk. Wow. Cool.

The trophy that I took that day came at great personal cost. Humiliation in the face of a pig. Oh, the worst of kinds. Flashback to mud pocalypse getting thrown off a hug in his face, pushed in the mud by a pig, Billy flapping in the wind. The camera cuts back to like the fight that wild Bill had with razor tusk and it's from an adult's perspective and it looks hilarious. It's like a little guy fighting a pig.

I thought that if I could take out razor tusk, the lack of leadership that the pigs would have would cause their hordes to scatter and allow us to use the ensuing chaos to make a push on the pumpkin king's holdings. I still think that that might be the way we either go after the pig or we go after the king. Razor tusk is elusive and dangerous and has those pigs under a sort of thrall I have not yet seen in the natural world. Oh, yeah, we kind of saw that too.

Every time we even heard them a little bit, they kind of like trot off. Yes. Yes. There it is difficult for me to know at this point if that is a magical effect of some kind and an enchantment, some sort of dark pig magic. Do you think with your intimate knowledge of razor tusk? I wouldn't call it a friendship, but a kinship even a grudging respect, unwilling appreciation, a sexual tension of sorts. I just wanted to say that. That's not true. He doesn't say that. He doesn't say that. No, he's.

No, I'm not. I do not feel sexual attraction to that pig. How could I? I am a halfling man. I believe that I and razor tusk will be fighting until the world itself. Friends. I understand attraction that can't be explained. He turns away. And the thing that Paul didn't say is that big looks. And he gives him an up and down. And then he's kind of like. Billy is very uncomfortable. Yeah, Chuck doesn't notice. He's like literally like picking food out of his teeth. But a mention there.

Do you think you could gain use your connection with razor tusk to get an audience with him? We would have to find him first. He is elusive. How have you contacted him in the past? I have not. How have you drawn his mire? I've tracked him in the fields, in the glides, in the mudlands, the flats of the valley. I have tracked him tirelessly. What do you think he wants with these lands? What does any pig want? Proteus. Then produce he shall have. Flash to the pumpkin king's horde. Mounds.

Mounds of vegetables rotting in the sun. You couldn't be saying. No, you wouldn't dare suggest. We ally with razor tusk. I think it's a possibility. I mean, that way we weaken the pumpkin king. We get back the lands. No, I cannot. No, hold on. But then we also funnel all the pigs into one spot. Make some weaker. Bill, I think you miscalculate the pigs. I think you thought chaos would weaken them, but I think it gave them strength. They've run a mock. The fields are a mess. They're everywhere.

They might be the most frightening things I've ever seen. Texas. He's silhouetted by fire. He's looking in the fire. Yeah. He's got his hand up on a window. But it's the outside. What Tuck definitely can't fit in here. So he's been talking through a window. Like the giraffe in the big friendly giant. He's not actually in the room. He's just been sticking his head through a window. He can really only be in the common like courtyard. His head is just in there.

The ving earlier when they thought he was putting his shoes on purpose and walking around his knees. He was just doing that practically. Everyone's like, hey, you being racist right now. No, no, I just want to be inside. And Tuck goes, think about a pig's eyes. Is there like a nose? Did like a nose eyes. I've never seen pigs like these. Wild Bill. There are no pigs like these. These pigs move faster. They're in any pig I've ever seen. As if under a spell. Yeah. A curse.

An influence beyond their delicious skin. Yeah. Do we roll for this? Yeah. Should we spell lore on like with this influence? Yeah. Yeah. I guess it would be spelled lore. Yeah. Yes. You go. No, you go. You're holding them. I'm so stupid though. I am also stupid. Okay. I can do it. Yeah. I can do it. Two six plus intelligence. Have I ever heard anything about these pigs? This pig magic. This would not it would be. Yeah.

It would be like is there anything that you can think of that might I can connect. Oh, well, let's see how the spell lore goes. Do you want to spell lore? Okay. So brutal. Okay. I can give something but you roll. I'm so excited too. Just let me just get this straight. What's about to happen? Yeah. I'm going to spell lore and if I succeed, you get to tell me what you are thinking. Great. Okay. Cool. Give her a hundred bucks. Yeah. One hundred dollars cash. One hundred dollars cash.

Tuck goes into like anime mode. What do you mean by anime mode? He's thinking. Yeah. Mm hmm. Okay. Keep. Anime sash. Uh huh. I put my anime sash on and then I look up at the moon and I see Allison's face in it. Okay. It's like really glossy eyes or slightly quivering. They do a little sparkle. Yeah. And Sean literally just yawned. No, no, no, I was trying to think and then I felt it coming up and I was like, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't. Don't. Okay. Here we go. Okay.

He like puts his bandear on. He and he like goes into his mind palace. Okay. And he, he's eating a Hawaiian pizza which has ham on it. Uh huh. He hopes that it will impart knowledge on him. Yeah. And he's, he, he like, he's sitting across from a shaman tuck who is like preparing the pineapple pizza. Uh huh. And it's just like, you got to feel the ham. Understand the ham. Understand how it twins with the pineapple. Understand the ham and you will be the ham. Uh, 10. Okay. Oh, but I have one.

I have a negative one. So I have nine. Someone ate me. I ate him. We can make this an unmitigated success. Do it. I ate him. Okay. So 2d6 plus bond. All right. Nine. Nine. Holy shit. That makes it a 10. He's treasure insane. Yeah. So something interesting and useful. Do we think this is a magical influence that Razor Tusk has on the pigs? Yes. And I think the clue is in the tusk. Yeah. Yeah. We looked down at the metal tusk that, uh, wild bill. Yeah. Sitting on top of the piano. Wow. I touch it.

It's anything happening. You feel like cold rusty metal. Feels cold. Feels rusty. You see like nails are driven through the metal of the sheath to like, as fix the blade to the tusk itself. Oh, fuck. What are the nails made of? Also metal. Wow. Maybe Razor Tusk because he was like a dwarven war pig. Like he had some kind of magic cast on him. That allowed him to control like other war swine. And so is this spell lord? This is coming from a precedent. The tuck knows exists.

Like this is a thing that has happened in the past. Yeah. I think it was it was sort of like in the portrait. The breaking of the chains. Like all of the animals running together. Like under control of the wizards. I see. Maybe he's wearing that same armor. Yes. Because it was armored animals that like elves were riding. Yeah. Yeah. And the same way that like a pig left to the wilds were revert into a wild boar.

So his influence on the gentle pigs of this area, of the halfling lands would be gentle beast of burden. Yeah. As transforming them into war pigs. Totally. Yeah. So cool. I like this. And it's maybe imbued in the armor itself. Yeah. I was going to say maybe it's like like what jogs the memory and tuck is that he's looking at the armor on the tusk. And he sees like the designs kind of embossed into it. Like not runes because they're dwarves or gnomes or whatever. Like hill dwarves are called.

But it is a similar sort of thing. It's like magic armor. And tuck pulls out the metal grieve that was made out of the moon steel. And he puts it next to it. And those symbols are the same. Maybe because like the kind of magic that imbues like objects with like battle capabilities is like that it comes from the same wizard. So it's like the same guy carved this and designed this as the tusk. Yeah. Yeah. Well, maybe it's maybe it's like a dwarven wizard who was like a smith.

Oh, that makes so much sense. That's really cool. Yeah. Who like innovated a sort of enchanted armor technique. It's a kind of like magical metallurgy or like metal smithing. Being shows the gauntlet because he gave one to. And it's of the same design. Totally. Okay. All right. I had a picture of razor tusk going to the edge of the the woody-shens and dipping in for a drink. And his tusk go under the water and like you see it's in magic. Oh, it's on magic. Going like in either direction. Cool.

And like far off you see like a pig down at the water's edge and then like like lift its head. Let it head up and like. Yeah. It starts starting to trotting towards. Yeah. Yeah. And the maybe it's a thing where it's like when the enchanted metal on his tusks like dips into the water, the direction of flow changes. Like that. Because it's like whatever the enchantment that is on this water is like momentarily disrupted. It's very cool. It's kind of like iron filings around a magnet. Sweet.

I like it. Yeah. So does tuck share this? I guess it was like a silent realization that the group had. Yeah. Yeah. We're like tuck through his thing down and Ving showed his and everyone was like, Oh, fuck. Yeah. I understand. So what we we have to rid razor tusk of all his armor, don't we? Oh, yeah. That's got to be the thing that stops this from from happening all the time. Yeah. It would it would also like free him from the influence that he's been under this whole time. Yeah.

Because it feels like his like it has been corrupted in some way. So if we use the pumpkin king's food hoard to draw all the pigs, including razor tusk together, we can like round them up and also like get razor tusk and like remove the armor. Yeah. And they would also have the added benefit of destroying the food hoard that Jack is depending on. Yeah. Well, Jack of his power because he's abusing it. Yeah. And it will like democratize the food again. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'll okay. I like this.

I like this plan. Well, essentially depose him. Will like reveal him for like the Charlotte and he is. Yeah. That he can't protect them because that's why Birdie and Birdo were into him because he offered stability. Cool. Wild Bill takes all this in. He's but a simple halfling. He's not as world leader as traveled as you three. He's not as familiar with with enchantments or corrupting magics or anything like that. But he or Hawaiian pizza or Hawaiian pizzas. He's very curious about now.

So you're saying the saltiness of the ham compliments the sweetness of the pineapple. It's telling me again the flavors of this pine apple. But doesn't the tomato sauce lend a strange acidity to it? You'd think so, but yes. Sometimes it then tuck leans forward through the window that he's in. And he like he tries to wedge his arm through so he could put an arm on Wild Bill's shoulder. Uh huh. And he goes sometimes there's sweetness and strangeness.

And then he goes to pull back and he realizes he's stuck in the window. Shit. Oh, fuck. A little grease. So as you're stuck half in half out of this halfling honky-tonk bar, Wild Bill looks thoughtfully at the tusk on the piano. Says if it is the enchantment of the armor that's driving the razor tusk's influence, perhaps now that I have removed a portion of that armor, his influence has weakened some way.

Or perhaps we can use the armor to find razor tusk himself if it is a set that calls to its partners. Oh yeah. I would like to communion of whispers with the tusk and the armor. Yeah. Nice. That makes sense. I think so. In this land. Yeah, just like see him. Yeah. Or just to like see if there's any connection. If there's like a slight pull back towards its armored brothers. Yeah. Yeah. I think I'm pissed. We it probably would be and I mean it still makes sense.

Communing with the tusk rather than the armor because you've tried to commune with objects before and failed. Okay. But you've got the inorganic and the organica. You've got it all. You've got all the pieces. Okay. Great. I'll commune with the land. Spend time with a place making note of its resident spirits. Roll plus wisdom. Seven plus wisdom is 10. Oh, because you changed it to a three. Yeah. That's amazing. Wow. Okay. Huge. So on a 10 plus with communion of whispers.

Vision is clear and helpful. Okay. So you tell me what you see. I see rolling green grass. Oh. And space for all to live. And a flooding of the land rising of the water seemingly out of nowhere. And pigs coming in from all places with seem like they're acting together but they're coming from disparate areas. The skies dark and fruit rots on the trees in the wrong time of the year. Birds are leaving. Babies. Cry. And then pee.

And as you're watching this vision of this beautiful bountiful land turn and become sick and dark. You feel in your hands where you hold the tusk. You feel it start to spin. And then it faces a direction and stays still. It's two zellers. Yep. Two zellers from here. Perfect. And as you move, you feel the tusk move and pull staying in the direction that it is pointing. Oh, cool. You feel the tusk calling to the bones in which it was born. Nice. Wow. It wishes to return a compass text.

Tusk tucks cut tuck here. Hold this. This is now tucks compass tusk. It's my compass task. And while Bill sees this, he sees Vang return. This strange figure large, lanky, draped in furs, long gray hair, gills, walking on his knees, walking on his knees and going, oh, I'm so short. He dropped the voice early on. Take his leg. You can tell the voice was too far. Tuck in his head. He's just like, it seems like they're fine with it, but it seems really, it's not okay.

I think put his wild hair on top. I've got wild hair. This is a little mosque. And holding this tusk and giving it to tuck and just kind of, you can see him taking in the three of you, who you are, what you do, what you've overcome. And he's just in awe. He says, I think an end to this madness has come. Tuck tries to pull himself out of the window and pulls the window out of this side. He's got a window frame around his arms. Do we want to cut forward to the morning, perhaps? Yes. Yes. Yeah.

Yeah. The gates of the roost crank open. And you leave the roost and the crows, do we think that they're coming with you? Do you think that this is like, we can trust these guys and wild bill to get this done? Actually, let's have a conversation about this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it's the right time for us to be like, okay, what's the plan? Yeah, there's enough moving pieces. So we know we're going to use razor tusk and his connection with the pigs to fuck up the food hoard at Lontry Hill.

To lead them to there or to get them to go there. Yeah. So we have to expose his grocery pile, basically. Yeah. Or at least tear down the walls of his barricade. Totally. And to do that, we have to infiltrate. I think we should bring a bunch of the crows with us. Yeah. And act like we've turned them over to the pumpkin king side. Right. That's okay. So the plan is first to go to the pumpkin king and get his food hoard. Yeah. So we overthrow him first and then we bring the pigs in. Yeah.

Because we want to use the pigs to overthrow. Yes. There any way that we could convince him to expose his hoard to the pigs. That's another option. Oh, and teary. Somehow. Yeah. We're bringing in hostages. We could say that while Bill in his absence is losing, like the crows are losing fealty because their leader while Bill is in here. Because they're still trying to keep him secret. Oh, yeah. Right. So we can use his app so-called absence as a trick. We could do a Trojan horse kind of thing.

Where we show up and burden birdie vouch for us. And then we say we've turned all of these crows, but we hide wild Bill within the ranks of these loyal croats. Totally. Bill, are you willing to shave off that your mustache? For the Everwood Valley, I would do anything. Okay. So then the plan is to go to Lone Tree Hill. I think so. Yes. We don't have a plan for when we get there. Because I also believe we can just overtake it. Again, maybe we're being a little dismissive. Yeah.

We can just go in there and knock down the wall. It's too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's also being the one dismissive. Yeah. He's like, no, they're stupid. I think- Yeah. Also because you know Jack. You remember Jack. I do. And he's like a huge coward. That's why he's got all these walls up. Yeah. But he also is like a really bad fence builder. He tried that for a while. He just doesn't have the heart. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Because I think what we realize with the revelations about razor tusks like armor and the influence of his armor, like seeping into the waters in the fields, is that he's the real threat. Yeah. Jack is more like playing it being a threat. Right. Yeah. Okay. That's- Because if you take out Jack, but only Jack, then razor tusk and his magic and all that kind of stuff are still ruining the Everwood problem. So we use- So we break into Lone Tree Hill. Overthrow Jack. Yeah.

Take control of his food hoard and use that to try and razor tusk. Yes. And while he's so distracted by the big old pile of groceries, we jump on him and get his armor off. Yeah. And then free the halfling lands from the generations of hogpocalypse that they've had to endure. This might end the hogpocalypse for good. Yeah. Yeah. And then tuck is like, all right, question here. Do you want me to just straight up kill this pig? If it comes to it, yes.

Is the plan to free the pig or just murder him? As much as I've come to despise this pig, if what you say is true, he may not be in his right mind. That's true. And also you're kind of in love with him from what I remember yesterday. I wouldn't call it love more like a raw animal attraction. That's complicated. But no, sorry, I got to be clear. This is not sexual. I find him to be a fierce competitor. And a vicious rival. But also enchanting. In Chantid, I think I said, I said, enchanted.

Sorry, Bill. He gulps really loud. Very well, then I will return momentarily. Changed forever. It will grow back. And Bill comes back later on with a wide, like floppy straw hat and like an obscuring cloak in a shorn face. A giant white eyebrow. Just wait, did you just… You cannot ask me to get rid of the hairs as well. All right, Bill. All right, man. That's your stash, pal. It looks like an alien from Star Wars. Yeah.

And the crows gathered up outside the gates with their secret hidden leader Wild Bill. One of them was like, what's it doing with those eyebrows? And Bill beat the fuck out. And everyone understood. Don't ask about the eyebrows. The crows gathered outside the gate with their secret hidden leader Wild Bill and their three new compatriots head off into the mud flats. And that's where we're going to end. This episode. I've been your game master, Sean O'Hara.

Joining me is always playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian of Dual Disease. So long, everybody. Playing Ving the Half-L drew at Paul Hoppers. Take care. Playing Fat Billy the Half-Link Thief, Jessica Ty. Bye, everyone. Thank you to all of our patrons out there, our supporters on Patreon. This show would not be possible without listeners and supporters like you.

If you enjoy Spelllord and enjoy the fact that we've been able to keep it ad-free all this time and want us to support us in continuing to keep it ad-free, check us out at patreon.com or spelllord.com. Please and get access to cool bonus stuff like a full Blades in the Dark Campaign set in the High Spear Mall, postcards with original art from the cast, merch of various kinds, and monthly streams. And check us out on Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, if you're 50 plus.

Thank you so much to Aaron Reed for our intro and outro music. And thank you most of all to all of you for listening. We'll see you next time.

Speltlore is made possible by contributions from our listeners. If you'd like to support us, go to patreon.com. Now the round friends let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold. A brook to draw it and a thief who is for nine years old. You know them by name, you know them by deed. Their quests are famously daring. So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing. Tuck as the brute who knows how to slow me lustous, sing and find.

Fingers have healthy, shifts his shape and wields his fear with great pride. Billy's a thief is tiny sized as mass the largest heart. Best in rest, they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts. So gather round friends and listen close for the tales about to start. Hello everybody and welcome to Speltlore. I'm your game master, Shanohera. Joining me is always playing Tacoma Dome, the barbarian of dual disease. Hello, everybody playing Ving, the half elf druid Paul Oppers.

Hello there. And playing Fat Billy, the halfling thief Jessica Ty. Hello. When last we left our heroes, they had been united and in some cases reunited with wild Bill, halfling survivalist, Sam Elliot impersonator and leader of the freedom fighters known as the crows. Yeah.

There was some tension at first as Billy tried to explain that he had returned to help the halfling lands and brought his friends with them and that they could all be of use in the battle to come for only five gold coins a day. Oh, I forgot to ask for that. Oh, yeah. Sorry. That's okay. It's a marble. Stop leaving me in charge. Tuck told the story of the journey thus far using peck dancing and some flute accompaniment by Ving. I loved it so much. I saw it in my head. It's a new form of puppetry.

It's incredible. The party convinced wild Bill that they would be of use to the dismay of Dorothy, halfling warrior and former betrayal target of Fat Billy all those many years ago in mudlark. Then a traditional halfling welcome feast took place. Billy receiving what we then learned was his first feast ever. It was the first time he was ever welcome at a halfling feast. Bill told the party what the deal was that there are two threats, as we all know, to the halfling lands currently.

Jack Wick, aka the pumpkin king and razor tusk, the war pig that has been apparently leading the hogs in their hog apocalypse. Wild Bill recently tracked down and did battle with razor tusk losing the fight, but taking off one of razor tusks razor tusks in the battle using their brains and memories. I know, pretty impressive.

The party connected designs imbued into razor tusks armor with the symbols on their own lunar steel armor recovered from Lillian's tomb, connecting them to a single dwarven smith wizard from back in the golden age, determining also that razor tusk is encased in this magic armor that may be controlling his actions in a way and also controlling the actions of the other pigs.

Perhaps the armor was designed to like one, get the pigs down with combat and then also allow the pigs in the cavalry to work together totally now at his spread to the wild pigs. Then the plan was made to go to Laundry Hill, the fortress of the pumpkin king, infiltrate, get access to his food stores, use those stores to attract razor tusk and end the threat to the Everwood Valley once and for all. That is where we find our heroes now.

Marching through the mud flats, through the desolation of the Everwood Valley. Sorry, we have two of the crows with us. You have a great number of crows. Oh, great number. Yes. And among them, Wild Bill shaving his handlebar mustache coming into skies. But this is like the vast majority. Like they left a crew behind to watch the roost, but this is sort of the plan. Get all the crows inside, say their prisoners, whatever. And then, papa, we do need bird and bird to vouch for us. Yeah.

And the whole way they've had their arms crossed in the baby born. And they're like, no. Yeah, we're going to parlay them into this. You have to. Yeah. You did threaten to eat them, I think. I've threatened to eat them a couple of times. I feel like it's kind of lost. If you were going to eat us, you would have done it. I know. I didn't follow through. That's rule one of parenting and threatening is you have to follow through. They've only seen you eat chickens.

What about could I use my summer fairy move? Oh, yeah. I was going to actually I was going to say the sun has risen. All right. Does Billy want to try and change his form? No. Okay. But do I? But Billy rolls his fairy child? Yes. Oh, one. That's not good. Wait, you rolled one D six. Yes. Isn't it two D six? Yeah. I mean, plus your charisma. And is that a D six? I think it's like eight years. Yeah. Six. Six and aid. So somebody could potentially aid. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Thing will aid. Okay.

Thing is aid. Thing by lifting him closer to this. I'm giving him an airplane ride. Yeah. Just like he likes. 10. Okay. So that means Billy gets a seven. Okay. So I get three hold. Yes. Three hold. Can I use one to charm a small group or an individual for longer? Wait, what? Sorry. What's this? What is this? It's charm and individual for a short while, but my summer move lets me charm either a small group or an individual for longer. Yes. But are you but you did not change your season?

No, but I'm just. Oh, you have to turn it to summer to use that. I thought I'm stupid. You guys, I thought I was a summer fairy and I forgot. I forgot Billy's been a spring for this whole time. Yeah. Oh, my word. So yeah, Billy is just spring fairy. Wait, okay. Okay. Okay guys. Fuck and delete this. Delete. This whole way. Where's the delete button? Just one time. Jess was wrong. We're keeping it in. It's actually even more recorded now because we're doing video.

I do like that you slowly turned into an Instagram girl. Like as you realized how wrong you had just been in the previous video. This is just because apology video. I never thought I'd have to make this kind of video. Sorry. Something about my mental health. They always use excuse. La, la, la, mental health. Stay tuned for a note tap screenshot. Rotten by L'Oreal. I'm fucking stupid.

Stay tuned for that thing where I write a tweet even though it's too long, but then I take a screen cap of the tweet and post that. I post a photo of myself looking pretty hot, but like unassuming and then a really long explanation underneath continuing comments. Yeah. Yeah. Affiliate links are in the description. You better believe I'm monetizing this video. There's eight ads on this apology video. Okay. Check out my story tree. This is my apology. I'm stupid at the end. Okay. Can I? I do have.

So brave. She's so brave. She's so brave. She's so brave. She's so brave. She's so brave. Oh my God. So brave. Okay. All right. So Billy's got three very very holds for the whole day for the whole day. I would like to use one right this second. And are you turning into a summer chair? No. Okay. Just confused. Okay. I would like to charm an individual for a short while. Oh yeah. I'll charm birdie because then he'll convince birdie. Do I have to roll for it? Nope. You just spend the point.

I just spend. So you know, I have to very hold. I have to. So birdie is charmed. Mm-hmm. It's usually like glitter dust that farts out of your hands. Yeah. You know what? Ving airplanes me like a little airplane. Yeah. And they're cinched into the bure. Yeah. Yeah. And I just fart. Yeah. It's how we get the farts out. You know when you burp a baby, this is farting in the belly. Yeah. You're kind of like squeezing my sides. Yeah. I can't. Where's his hips? I can't find his hand.

This kid doesn't have hips. And birdie and birdie are both like, oh yeah. But then bird is like, oh, oh, pretty cute actually. Pretty cute. That's a cute kid. And I say, birdie, what do you think? Do you think this plan would work? Would you talk to the pumpkin king for us? I mean, he's pretty paranoid. And like, aren't you tired of dealing with him? Huh, I am. And birdie is like, bird, birdie, shut up, shut up. Six hit. These people, if he was going to eat us, he would have eaten us by now.

That's true. I haven't eaten you. Kind of like a really good guy for not doing that. I'm trying to make Stockholm syndrome happen. Yeah. I don't make Stockholm syndrome. I haven't followed through with any of my threats. Yeah. And you know, I don't know what it is, but the more that I'm held captive by these people, the more I come to care about them. I just can't, I can't help the compulsion.

I really shouldn't tell you this, but there's no way he's going to be okay with all the crows coming in. He's very paranoid. You're going to have to try and get him more on a one to one basis. Keep the crows nearby though, because you're going to need the help. We'll make them hide by the compost pile. Yeah. Yeah. But the compost pile, that's a great idea. Could you use your fairy child to like make an illusion that they are just like compost? Oh, yeah, I could.

Maybe I it disguised them as like an offering. Well, yeah. The last of our potatoes. Oh, yeah. We'll put them all in a cart and make them look like potatoes. And what is the spring fairy? Oh, yeah. Spring is I may create a convincing illusion without spending a hold. Oh, that's what I'll just do. Oh, great. Yeah. So Billy's extra tricky when he's a spring fairy. Okay. Yeah. All right. So that's what I'll do.

And then, uh, bird, uh, kind of shakes her head a little bit after giving you all these ideas and this information is like, Hey, hey, hey, wait a second. Bye. And we're going to do a perilous journey to see what happens between here and loan tree Hill. Totally. All righty. So somebody's got a scout ahead. Someone's got to navigate. And if we're going to stop long enough to eat, someone will have to manage provisions. I'll navigate by talking to the crows. Great. I'll scout ahead there.

Scout ahead is plus wisdom navigators plus intelligence. I guess seven. There's six. Oh, yeah. So you're walking through the mud flats. There are like farmhouses kind of scattered across the landscape. Mostly seem abandoned. There are a couple like you see, you'll walk past one and you'll see like curtains like, Oh, and, um, you reach something you did not expect, but you reach like a canyon. Oh, maybe it's a canyon, like formed out of things. But what would it be? Hey, bales. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Like old equipment, but like, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's like, um, a bunch of people tried to make barricades. Oh, so they piled up, like, Hey, bales and carts and farm equipment and just like furniture. So you're walking between tuck and vang. It's not huge for you, but Billy, there's these like towering walls of detritus that have been piled up.

And it's kind of like, like as you walk, you can hear the wind shifting and all the piles of stuff like freaking against each other and all the crows are looking up fearfully. You're all marching through this like for everybody else except for you to this like towering, seemingly 50 60 foot high piles of old barricade that are create this winding chasm. The crows up ahead, you guys are kind of in the middle near the back almost of the marching order.

And a younger crow, more inexperienced, like walk is just like mystified by this pile of stuff and walks up and like see something shining in the, in the debris. Oh, no, and walks out and like reaches out to growing in a boo. Oh my God. If you move a crow, and as he touches it, you hear like rumble, rumble, rumble, and then the walls start to fall in. Oh, no. So these huge piles, this crushing wave of debris is coming down on the. Yeah, it is the cave of wonders. Yeah. Okay, so tuck.

He like notices this start to happen. Like all of these things collapsing down and he's like, no, Billy's gonna get really hurt. So he runs forward and like picks up Billy and actually he tries to pick up as many halflings as possible. He runs like a bunch of puppies. Yeah. Yeah. I'm flopping around. And I feel like halflings have the same kind of skin to flesh connection with right puppies have where it's just kind of loose. Yeah.

It's loose and soft all this time so they can move their arms and legs around inside their skin. Okay. So can I, what is, I want to do that and then start running to get through the canyon? Well, first it would be like the speed with which you would scoop everybody up. Yes. Like react in time to get people. So two D six plus dexterity. Okay, here we go. Billy. So it's for amazing. So then you see tuck like barrel forward trying to grab Billy.

And he bends down just far enough that he's kind of like bent at the waist. And these the two sides of this canyon stuff just fall down on top of tuck and everybody kind of disappears from view. There's a gaggle of halflings behind you that are still uncovered, but a bunch of people just got covered by a bunch of discarded equipment. What do you do? I'm gonna use call of nature to call upon the element at hand. And I want that element to be old furniture and stuff. Is that possible?

Because they're made out of wood and iron. Yeah. I mean, they are made out of the elements. Great. And I want to make a giant stay out of this stuff to get up out of the way. Oh, pretty cool. So two D six plus wisdom, I think. Yeah. Thirteen whoa, he just yells out and then and then out of the yell. Yeah. That somebody has for help and everyone's sitting in the elks. Like all the halflings are sitting in his anlers and tucks like all of a sudden on the back of this big furniture. Yeah.

So it creates like a bus almost. Yes. Where people just have like chairs and stuff. Yeah. They're sitting in now. My neighbor tote a row. Yeah. The cat bus kind of sitting there. Yeah. So there's a huge rumbling and clattering as all of this furniture builds on itself. The sound waves of your cry for help pushing the furniture into this beautiful form of a vintage antique store elk. Yeah. How big is this? Oh, it's quite big. Yeah. Yeah. Big enough for tuck to like ride comfortably. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. As well as all the halflings. Yeah. Twenty feet tall at the top of his horn antlers. All right. That's a big elk. Yeah. Everybody hop on. Look at all the fine, teak furniture I am constructed of. Oh, he furniture. Yes. That's a butter churn back there. Can you believe it? All the halflings are just like going to touch and look at everything. Yeah. They love mid century modern. Halflings love antiques. Yeah. A bar chart. Get on my way. Are those fabrics? Hey, oh, don't touch those.

Chuck is sitting in a rattan chair. Oh, I like that. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, we had talked about disguising the halflings as a pile of potatoes. Should we just put them inside of this thing and then gift it? Literally Trojan horse. Yeah. It's a Trojan elk. It's a different whole different thing. 100%. I think that's what we should do. So now you are in this furniture elk. We see this beautiful creature made of this beautiful mid century modern furniture, rattling down the road.

The height of this thing keeps you out of the mud. The going's a little bit slow just because it's got to like pull itself out of the mud. And there's a lot more places for mud to get stuck because instead of just a solid leg, it's like a chair and a stepladder, a chest of drawers. Actually, now that you think about it, there's probably a bunch of stuff like squirreled away in this thing because people were just hiding stuff. Oh, God. Loot. Can we loot this? You can definitely search for it.

You can look around. To certain realities? Yes. To certain realities would be great. Yeah, do it. 2d6 plus wisdom. 11. Fuck. Oh, three questions. Okay. Well, here's useful or valuable to me. Are we looking for loot? Is that what we're doing? Yeah, I think so. Or whatever. Or just something cool. Yeah. Fun stuff. All I can find is these oversized Coca-Cola bottle caps. Got it. End-store shit. Found a dancing trout. Bigmouth Billy Bass. Yeah.

Okay, so what kind of stuff do you think Billy's looking for? Because I can imagine a lot of scenarios where Billy is digging through a box of stuff and is pulling out, oh, gold not interested. Or diamonds not interested. I don't know what I'm looking for. I know the stuff I like. How would I read off a couple things that you can tell me if Billy would keep them? And if he says no, nobody gets them. He throws them in the mud and they're lost rocker.

A terribly written novel whose plot seems to match the events that have happened in the reader's life. Where the book matches everything from the reader's life? Yeah, it just seems to be. I mean, to Billy's look, it's a book. Yeah, Billy's not interested. A set of five dice with elemental symbols and primordial runes instead of pips or numbers. Can't read, but. Can't read, can't count. A wooden training sword covered in bells and red and black swatches a fabric.

It would be more suited to a jester than a soldier in training. Oh, I love that. Yes, this is what Billy keeps his jingling a jangly sword covered in fabric. Yeah, wow. And Billy's like doing like swashbuckly moves. And he's like, look, look what I got. You tucked from your written chair. You look at you hear jingling and you look up and Billy's like half out of a chest of drawers with a jingly sword. And tuck looks up from his bag that he's rummaging around him.

And he's like, Billy, did you find my custom dice? Has anyone seen my diary? Jingle, jingle. It's like a jangle. It's like a jangle. You're like, try really hard to not have annoying toys in your house for your kid. And then somebody buys them the loudest, most annoying thing for the birthday. Cool. This is going to be great for stealth. I'm going to practice all the time, you guys. I think better have batteries. We can take out jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle. Yeah.

And it's, yeah, it's red and black and very like checkered and colorful. And yeah, covered in bells. All right, this down. My treasure. So you have two more questions. Do you guys want to ask a question? What heaters not what it appears to be? It's a good question. Like this. Like, why was it? Why was there a barricade? Yeah. A barricade. Yeah. What was a barricading from? Yeah. Oh. Oh. What is rushing to meet where the barricade was? A flood. A flood of pigs. A flood. A big flood. Oh.

It's not even like it's pigs riding the flood. A hog slide. Oh, no. Slide. Yeah, it's not even like charging pigs. It's just like a roiling mass of pigs that are approaching doing their own thing. Yeah. And Billy's got his bill knock-killers. I was like, what are they doing? I've never seen the move like that. Yeah. Yeah. As you reach the point where the barricade ended, you see that like you've reached a point where there are still a good number of healthy crops. So you're like, oh, the great.

There's some corn, there's some squash, there's like actual vegetables here that are still growing and they seem healthy. And then why were they barricading their own crops unless… The ground. They were trying to keep something out of the crops. We turn around. A wall of porcine flesh. Oh, no. Ugh. Not interested in you in the slightest, but you can see Billy through your bill knock-killers. You can see in their eyes, the only thing they have eyes for is corn. No. Oh, shit.

And the elk turns back and goes, well, this is… Oh, no. And it starts to like try and hurry up. You can feel like the rumbling in the furniture is it trying to strain, but its legs are sinking deeper and deeper into the earth. The soft ground saturated with what we have learned is now magical water. It's becoming particularly difficult for the elk to remove itself from. The hog slide approaches. What do you do? We have one more question, right? Yes, you do have one more question.

I guess we should be on the lookout for… That's a good one. Yeah, I would say that the most obvious is a way to stem the tide, a way to distract them away from the corn that they so desperately desire. I could try and scare them away. I could do like a war cry or something. Cool. That is true. You could try and scare them off somehow. All right. So, tux says, don't worry. I've dealt with this kind of thing before. A couple of the crows turned to each other and go, what is he talking about?

I was a bouncer. I'm used to this. One time in St. Cloud Posse played a bar. Not believe the hordes ahead to repel. Have you ever had to like push Fred Durst out of your bar? Pretty much this. It's the same thing. Okay. D6, one scrows them. Here we go. 14. Okay. Oh my god. Yeah. So, everybody gets a plus one forward in dealing with this threat. Uh-huh. And also, they react accordingly. So, describe this scene for me. Yeah, tux just gets out. He jumps down and he like… Boom.

Huge spray of mud as he hool around. That's sick. Yeah. And then tux like starts running towards them. Like Hulk running. Yeah. And then he, as he's running, he goes, you have to stay to the side. The lineups against the building. Single file, please. Not you. You're cool. Yeah. Not you. You can't come in with those shoes. You're not allowed to wear a hat. It's disrespectful to the dancers. That was a rule at bar no hats inside. It depended on the performance. Yeah, that makes sense.

And then as I meet the first one, you see it goes… slow motion. And then tuck, like he uses a move that he learned from dealing with the insane clown posse. And where he like drops his shoulder. And then like, kneels down. And then as soon as the first pig makes contact, he like pops up really fast. And then it starts flipping end over end into the air. Uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah. Great. And that scares the pigs around that pig. Yeah. Pigs against all odds do not want to fly.

And they start to just like roadblock each other. Yeah. They pile up above you like way over your head. This pile of pigs begins to form. From their perspective, Daryl, who is the leader of the group, Yeah. Disappeared. The pig's name is Daryl. Yeah. And Daryl's flying through the air and he's looking at the sky careening above him and thinking, how did I get here? I was going to be a dentist. It's like sky ground sky ground. He keeps going up. He's containing momentum. He's going faster.

Oh my God. Into the sky. Shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo. We see him leave the atmosphere. We can hear the other ones go alpha, Daryl. We see him leave the atmosphere of the planet and the stars surround him with velvet blanket of night. Shoo. Yes, guys. The star is created. One million years from now, he sails past a nebula. He thinks I've seen so much of this universe. I feel as if I am one at one with it. And then he sees a star approaching and he's pulled into its orbit. Oh my God.

Because he's drawn towards the burning fusion core. He thinks finally. Before he is stretched infinitely thin. Becoming one with the string of the universe. And it pops out in our universe. Yeah, then he's back at the front of the pigs and no time has passed. He's like, what the fuck was that? And then tuck like pops in the tin. He's stuck in his hood and loose. Oh my God. And so it was on furions. Forever and ever. Daryl becomes the wisest being in the universe. This is canon.

Part of what made this happen was because tuck is a metaphysical entity that is strange in the universe because he knows his own end point. The way that fate interacts with him is maybe weird sometimes. And then the cartoon-ness of the halfway glance is creating weird mixes of… Because it's also fairy magic and whatever tuck is. So tuck, you run towards this group of pigs. You start to drop your shoulder using a move that you learned from the insane clown posse.

And you're stealing with the insane clown posse. That was not in it. I was… I cannot say this enough times. I was not in the insane clown posse. I've only ever had one family. People keep thinking I was in the insane clown posse. I know man. Sounds like you're in the ICP. And it's not from dealing with the insane clown posse's fan base. No, it's them. It was from dealing with them. Shaggy two dope. And the other violent j. But this great boulder of pig flesh has been formed.

And the flow, Billy and Ving, you can see this from the back of the furniture elk. You see it break against in a great wave. And the waters are diverted. There's a current of pigs formed in either direction in this massive flood of hogs. Goes elsewhere. And the corn is safe. And all the crows begin to applaud on top of the elk, seeing this incredible feat of strength. But while Bill goes, he smells the air. What is it? They've only been scared for now. They will return. We have to keep moving.

How do you know that? You deal with pigs long enough. You learn their ways. Hop on big guy. I get back into the written. Okay. He leans down and like does the one hand pulls up? You don't pull them on the back. Yeah. Wait, you do that? Bing does. From on top of the elk, you know, we just like gallop beside the top and then. But the way you pull me up, you put me behind you. And his hands. Stop resisting. His hands gently snake around your waist to secure themselves. So yeah, I just put my hand.

It's around Ving's waist. Yeah, I ride behind him for a bit. All right. Nothing here. Probably. I'm not aroused if he's not aroused. If he becomes aroused, things are going to be different very soon. And the journey continues. The furniture elk rattling along accompanied by the jingle. Like this unceasing jingling of bells. Just turn into a reindeer. Yeah. Wow. Stop. Oh my God. Stop. Wacking it against stuff. Starring being such a good warrior. Spillies coming up with the names for these moves.

This one is eternity. Stab. Whoa. Eternal stab. It's really good. Eternal stab. Eternal. This one is honorable stab. Oh, it just went up. Okay. We were waiting for the other part, but it just goes up. This one is secret stab. Oh my God. That's when we learned that the wooden part of the knife was just a sheath. Oh my God. Oh, fuck. It's just a blade. It's a real blade. The blade is decorative. Great. Then you continue through the day. The sun begins like continues to rise in the sky.

The methane fumes of a one million hog asses creating a beautiful tapestry of color. No. How long do we think the journey takes? To long. 45 minutes. Take a corner. Okay. Then about 30 minutes. Like driving from here to Costco is how long? Okay. Yeah. So about 30 minutes past and you start hearing the biggest grocery store in the area. It's that's what that's over to. We're going to Costco. We're going to Costco. In a Dodge Grand Caravan. That's the else name is Dodge. Yeah. That's great. Okay.

Well, I think we're coming up on Lone Tree Hill. I think that's what you said the place was called. Thank you. I can see quite a distance from up here and they are freaking out. Like how? What do they do? Well, the thing is, is I'm a 20 foot tall elk made out of discarded furniture and farm equipment. And anyone would be afraid of that. So what do you want to do? So the plan was to use this is like a Trojan horse kind of thing. But it's walking there.

We could ask if the Trojan horse was a real moving horse, that would have not worked at all. Whoa. Holy fucking. Wait. So should I stop moving? Yes. They have seen us. They've seen me. What if you and Ving get out and like pretend to pull this? Oh, yeah. We could be a mechanic people. Yeah, we could say that we're from the firefield's principality. And this is like an offering because we've heard of the great pumpkin king. Yes. Yes.

Our our principles have sent us to make contact with the great leader known as the pumpkin king. Yeah. Bertie, Berta, you got that? You got that? Hello. Oh, right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We've got that. Wait a second. Hey, get over here. Their charm is worn off. Yeah, get over here. We're still. I can't we can't move. We're in a baby. Oh, right. They all get over here. Yeah. Billy, say that to Tux. I have to leave dad really really low. You have to bend out further. OK.

Can I threaten them? Absolutely you can. OK. Do I have to roll this thread in them? Yeah, it's usually like a charisma kind of thing. Seven. Partial success. I'll fucking kill you. Wow. There was no subtext. What a threat. Oh, fucking kill me. As far as threats go, pretty effective. Bertie, Berta, think about it. You're going to be walking in there with a bunch of soldiers. And if you want to go against us, Tuck here is going to eat you so fast. He's going to chomp so hard and chew so much.

You're not even going to feel it, but you are going to feel it because like he's going to make sure you feel it. And Tuck in his head. He's like, I'm for sure set up that example. I think you guys are looking at Tuck with eyes wide open. Do you see what your words have done? Do you see the way you talk around him? Yeah, so what you know, what you gain from this, what you glean from this information with the seven to nine, is they will play their part in trying to get you inside.

No telling how they're going to react once you are past the game. But they know they know we'll kill them. Yeah, they seem pretty like does Billy mean this? Like I think Billy thinks he'll kill them. Okay, yeah. The sword is kind of taking over. Billy takes the little sword, the jangly sword, and he does the slit across the whole side. That's what I'll do to you. He does two fingers points to you. Great. That's a good move. Okay, then they eyes are wide. They go, all right. Okay.

All right, calm down. The Billy does the thing that kids do where they try and layer it on with like weird or threat. Yeah. They're like, I'll stab you in the butt with it. Yeah, I'll stab you so far in the butt you'll never have a poop again. And then you'll be like, you, it's so covered in poop. And then I'll be like, I'll chase you around with your own. Just muttering, Tim. Just walking as you guys continue on. Billy's walking next to talk, continuing to utter threats. That's so funny.

It's basically threatening you at this point. It tucks head. He's like, oh, wow, I'm a bad dad. This kid's out of his fucking mind. He's out of control today. I, this is my own me. This is basically like a full-side real sword. It's so much damage. All the way through you. The way through you. And then sometimes the things you say are really fucked up. Yeah. I wonder what it would look like on the other side of you. So you basically get like 100 meters away from Lone Tree Hill.

Billy has cast an illusion on the crows. Okay, so you're like transporting food on this icy. That's the story. Exotic potatoes. Yes. There's like, it's constructed like a horn of plenty out of the part, some of the shit. Out of the butt. There's a horn of plenty that goes into its butt. Yeah. God's goes. You can cut that out. It's so funny. And yeah, so you hear like a bunch of horns.

Will you hear a bunch, you see a bunch of halflings put horns to their mouths and go Hey, they're talking into little horns. He goes there. Bing. And mimes pulling on reins and the elk. Comes to a stop. And I'm going to pretend to be our servant. Okay. Okay. Perfect. All right. Who goes there? It is us. The Arkanacons from Big City Place. And I'm a mild servant. Shut up. Yo. I'm sorry, Master. I'll do the talking. You don't. I don't know my place. I'm but a stupid. Breaks.

You learn your place all on the back of my hand. Noggin, Master. Noggin. He leans his hand up. And the halfling on the on the wargles. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, we cast an eye back at him. There's no need for all this. Please. Who? Jesus Christ. We gave it to this so extra bills. Yeah. We're acting this shit. Bill on the back while Bill like glamored to look like a potato is like, what the fuck do they do? This isn't crazy. One of the younger causes like, no, no, no. Let them finish.

We bring sustenance and entertainment. And Billy comes out with his little sword and like does a trick. Whoa, whoa. Cuz I, the world trained us clown in all the land. Trained us. Yes. Okay. Let him, let him do his pitch. Let him do his pitch. Okay. So a big mechanical elk, some potatoes and a little clown boy. We know what you would call a circus of old days from before the exodus. We bring food in exchange for your applause. All right. We're doing a circus now. Like the way this is going.

Big, totally forgot. Big decided that the plan is you're a circus. You're gonna be sucked up in this character. Like I will entertain the shit out of these people. Yeah. All the potatoes are like, we're doing a circus thing. And then Tuxress is salvaged it. He goes, my Lord. We were sent from. Big Red's hand raised to me. He's like, wait a second. No, I should be here. Here. I'm out. We were, we were sent as a gift from the principle of the firefield's principality to entertain you.

They have heard of the greatness of Jack Wick, or as they now call him the pumpkin king. And you look around and there are stakes all around Lontory Hill with rotting pumpkins carved into Jack, grimacing jack-lantern faces and the banners of the pumpkin king adorned the makeshift walls. Someone's gonna have to roll a parlay. Of course, charisma. Of course, the offer is, we bring you entertainment in the form of a world-renowned circus, containing the smallest clown that has ever lived.

The smallest most trained is class. The smallest most trained is class. Most trained is class that has ever lived. He's a knife jester. Yeah. And also, we come as like a gift from another world leader. Yeah, one of the principalities, a established nation. We're feeding into his ego. Totally. Yeah. We have come to be a wash at the limelight that is the great wick, the brightest light in these lands. I got a five. God damn it.

Okay, so I think they're like, uh, one moment, let us go and, uh, confer with our leash. And he disappears. And you're all stuck standing around there for a while. And you hear from the back of the elk, hey, shut up. Hey, what? What the hell are you doing? Where? Improvising. Exactly. Improv- There was a plan. Don't worry about the plan. It will still happen, probably. Our experience is that no plan works. Half as good as chaos. No plan survives contact with us trying to remember the plan.

Just no plan survives contact. No plan survives. No plan. No plan. No plan. No experience. Just no plan. No experience. No experience. Nope. No plan. We just make a plan for fun. Yeah. We don't mean plan. Legitimately, as a duel, this we literally made seven different plans on the walk here. On the way here. Totally. A plan is something you make on the way to coming up with the end. Great. So probably like 15 minutes later, the guard returns to describe the guards of Lone Treehill.

He's got the tabard, the tabard with the pumpkin, the jack-lantern drawn on it. Yeah. And then he has like a wooden bucket, but the slats over the eyes have been broken out to create this little helmet with the nose bridge. So cool. Very cute. And then he's got a little pitchfork and his big horn that he's yelling at you. Yeah. Arlie's the pumpkin cake has denied you entrance into Lone Treehill. Oh, but will allow you to set up your carnival outside the walls. What say you? We must confer.

One moment. We huddle. Yeah. And Bill, the potato, Bill is a potato goes, oh, that'll work. Okay. Oh, okay. That'll work. Okay. Because we can set up our here and then the town will kind of be all distracted because they'll come out and do carnival. Yeah, we'll put on an actual play for them. Yes. You guys got to put on a fucking circus now. You know what? What? This is the birthplace of Lone Treehill Theater. Yeah. Oh boy. We have a couple of those shows memorized. Probably.

It's probably close. Probably pretty close. Because. Okay. It's the namesake of it at least. Yeah. Yeah. It turned back. We agreed to your turn. Quiet you. I'll agree to that terms. He says sorry, my lord. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Bailey. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. The tech like gets really close to Vig's face where he's just like. He's like, I know you had a bad dad, but you can't fucking take this shit. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I am not me, my lord. I am somebody else today. I apologize.

You do that again and we're going to have a fuck up bro. It's great. Unhand me, you brooch. I'm sorry, Master. It works on a tuck. I can do it with tuck. And you are given leave to set up your carnival outside the walls of lone tree. Okay. Is the plan the same? Are the crows still disguised as potatoes? Are they going to be disguised as roused abouts in like circus people now? I think. Oh no, they would recognize them. Everyone knows each other here. That's true. Okay.

We got to set up as if we are the whole show and then three. And then the crows will have a chance when everyone's distracted with the circus. To sneak in and do the actual like shit. The sabotage. The sabotage. We'll park this really close to one of the walls. Yeah. In classic spell or fashion, we've set up an important action that needs to happen. And then we'll do the play version of it. Well, the important thing happens in the background. Yeah, yeah. The end on. The end on. The end on.

We'll do the whole good stuff. While a true detective style raid happens, you guys will be out here. Yeah. Yeah. Ready yourselves for the show of your life. Four ticks pass sundown. Get ready. Give himself a round of applause. And the guard starts clapping. Deep thoughts, deep fouls. My hair goes in the mud. Tucks really into this quasi-modo thing he's doing. Oh, I shall set up the stage, my lord. Don't tell me what you're doing. Just do it. The hobbles away. Tucks so ready. Howl. God.

This is such a growth period from the Crystal Bay disguise, where everyone kept calling Taka Twisted Crown. And he was like, guys, am I ugly? He's really tucking into it. Am I looking really? Why does everybody keep saying I'm ugly? I'm twisted. Crown. Because he didn't change the way you wrote it. What's wrong with me? Oh, it's just a disgusting crowd. What the fuck? There's another one. Okay, so two hours from then. Tell me how those two hours pass. How you said about it?

We take a bunch of the chairs out from within the elk bus. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's smart. We set them up. Yeah. Yeah. Is there like a table or something that could be made into a stage in the elk as well? Yes, there is. There's several tables. Yeah. Yeah. This all worked out very nicely. Yeah. Yeah. So the elk kind of like starts getting smaller as you're taking furniture out of them. Tucks like, hey, Dutch, do you have like lime lights or anything or like theater lighting? Mm-hmm.

Oh, they line up a bunch of their jackalantons with a bunch of candles. Oh, that's great. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we put those on the stage. Put shields behind them, so we're reflexed onto the stage. Yeah. Fun. I like that. Tuck spends a bunch of time, like raking the stage with pyrotechnics. Like a lot. It's actually a really high tech. We just brought those ourselves. Yeah. Pyrotechnics that tuck made. Yeah. Do you still have the dragon scab? Yes. Okay, cool. Sorry, what? The dragon scab scale.

We scale. No, dragon scabs. Ew. Oh, yeah. Yeah, the like gunpowder. The gunpowder is dragon scabs. Yeah, I have some gunpowder, black powder. Did I say dragon powder is, or gunpowder is dragon scabs? Well, I certainly said it in season five. What do we found? Season five. The gunpowder. Okay, I actually like that it's called dragon powder. Oh, dragon powder. That's a cool name for it. Yeah. But anyway, can I roll to use things gunpowder to rig up a shitload of pyrotechnics around the stage?

Yeah, I suppose so, but it's going to be intelligence. Okay, that's fine. Uh, because we can't, can I make it charisma? Because it's kind of a performance thing. No, you can't use charisma to make something. Can't just be like, hey, gunpowder. You want to become a firework board? But it is a performance thing. I could see a play for wisdom. Charisma is a bridge too far. Okay, yeah, I'm just going to do this. I'm going to try with intelligence. Great. 2d6 plus intelligence. Here we go.

Oh, God, please. What this should look sick as fuck. And also the pyrotechnics would help us because it would be distracting as hell. Totally. So that's a two. I just, I build a bomb. Yeah, tuck packs a bunch of gunpowder into a bunch of tubes. I put gunpowder into all of the music bottles that I have. Oh, shit. Yeah, I put glass music bottles. And some of them are metal, because the heavy metal ones, and I put fuses in them. Yeah.

And I've set like 12 up around the stage and I was like, when these, these go up, it's going to be sick. It's pretty funny to get a bunch of your enemies and be like, we're going to do a play. And then surround the stage with claymore minds facing the audience. Musical pipe bombs. Incredible. But in tucks head, these are going to like go off like sparkle. Yeah, it's going to be super cool. So the stage is set up, the chairs are set out. The stage is rigged with bombs.

And okay, is there anything we want to figure out about the performance itself, or do we want to let that ride? I would like to use my druidic lore to call upon plays from the ages. Ancient druidic plays, comedies. 12. Okay, so what is a 10 plus on druidic lore? On 10 plus, it's a hit. GM asks you a question about the subject. What you ever you say is true. Yeah. So tell me about an ancient druidic performance. It sounds like a comedy. And what that plays about.

So there is this ancient druidic comedy that's about a druid on Hibernia. Just live in his life, trying to make his way in the world on the Hibernia. And then finds out that he has a long lost cousin from way up in the White Cloud Mountains. At first they don't know each other. But then their relationship works out. And they get along perfectly. You could say that they're perfect strangers. Yeah, okay, there we go. You, it's a bumbling putty comedy. I've just like mismatched people.

Yeah, it's a classic slapstick comedy verse. Yeah. Yeah, I like the idea that it is like an ancient play in that way where like it's funny. Maybe not in a modern way, but it's like entertaining. It stemmed from, it was a way of druidic culture to spread knowledge so that we get somebody from other cultures to come in and play. Like I don't know your rituals and you would share rituals. And you could share different knowledge as a way of spreading knowledge.

But in a fun and comfortable way that was accessible. Yeah. Because they're very guarded, you know, as we learned on Hibernia when, yeah, don't come here, blah, blah, blah, gish this, you're dead. Yeah. Yeah. So I imagine that, so that will help. Yeah, it's called imperfect strangers. Imperfect strangers. Great. Okay, great. So that'll really help sell this distraction, having like a real written play. Yeah. And I imagine there are three parts.

Is everybody taking part of this play or is Billy doing his clown thing before to warm them up? I sure doesn't matter. I think there's three parts. Well, there's three parts. Yeah. I think it's also the kind of thing where we were like, all right, Billy, Ving has this play that he wrote, there's a part for you. And then Billy was like, okay, yeah, I'll do it. And then he reads his lines, but he, you know what a kid is in a play, but he's also just like, got a lightsaber with him? Yeah. Yes.

I'm like, yeah, I won't do it without the lightsaber. Great, great. So I'm the little boy that lives with the cousin and his friend, and I have a sword. And I do tricks. I do tricks during the show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so anything else we want to set up? We've got pyrotechnics rigged. The play is prepared. I think we should talk to the crows and like, yes, yeah. To come up with like the thing that. So you guys like casually lean against dodge and talk to a bunch of potatoes.

Yeah, it looks like we're talking into the elks ass. Yeah, we're just putting on makeup. Just saying that's the crowd. They've come out. They're starting to work. Yeah, people are filing in. They're excited. Yeah. They seem like they're like, oh, what could this be? Well, they're a theater town. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. All right, so you're talking to the, like, all right, so what's the plan there? Okay, we did mention upon coming here that we had food for them.

So could it be like, here's the show, and then here's the, like, we give them over our offering? Well, we should say the food comes after the entertainer. Yes. Yeah. And then that, like, you have to stay for the whole show if you want your food, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. Or if it's a convincing illusion, we say, here's the food. Take it inside, come out for the show. The food's inside. They already took it in. Oh, that's smart. Yeah. Wait, who's taking it in? They are. Audience.

Yeah, they load it up. They're like, oh, thanks for the food. We'll put it inside, then we'll come back out for the show. Oh, I see. And the food is the potatoes. Yes. Okay. I see. So they'd take the elk in, and then they would come out and watch the show. Yeah. Because the elk's ass is the horn of plenty. Yes. Yeah. The elk would go in. Wind up when gosh, here's that. He kind of waves his butt. It would just be blooping out potatoes. Plop, plop, plop, plop, plop. Yeah, that works, I think.

That makes sense. Okay. Billy goes out there, and like, the illusion's still working, right? Yes, yeah. Okay. Dear audience, we need your assistance in moving the food into your palace. For we have not been given leave by your lord to enter. Behold, it is the elk of plenty within his nether regions. Are many potatoes? Potatoes. Potatoes. Potatoes. Potatoes of all kinds and shapes and sizes. New, red, plum. Yellow. Russet. Large. Yaucon. And Prince Edward Island.

The spuds are big on the back of that elk, because everyone's Prince Edward Island. Russet, yellow, red, and Prince Edward Island. Fuck, it's so funny. You do see the guards who have come out, because it seems like Luntry Hill is mostly militia at this point. But you see them like, oh, I don't know. I don't know. And then you hear like, thump thump. And you look up on the wall, and there's a halfling draped in black burlap atop his head, an orange pumpkin. Whoa. Yeah. With a grinning mouth.

Whoa. And angry eyes. Whoa. Whoa. I bow. We, yeah, I take a knee too. I can. The pumpkin king. My lord. To his an honor. And he looks to the guards, and he nods, and he recedes from the wall back into his fortress. Whoa. Whoa. That guy's fucking scary. Mm-hmm. And they rush forward, and they all start like, trying to figure out how to move the elk. Dodge. Choo. And it begins to step, and it steps over the wall. Oh. Cool. So tall. And comes to a rest inside. Sick.

And a few moments later, the guards come back out, and a few unarmored individuals, and they all settle into their chairs. Does the king come out to watch the player? The pumpkin king stays up on the wall. He stays behind his walls. Okay. Yes. That makes sense. But you can see him watching in the distance. All right. Okay. It's time for the play to begin. Yeah. Yeah. Who's who? We didn't. I don't know. I don't know either of these movies. I know the name Perfect Strangers. Yes. Me too.

And that's it. Yeah. But it's a guy, because it's like a normal guy, and then like a, oh, wacky foreign guy, right? That's the movie. That's the imperfect. That's the perfect situation. Yeah. We can be whatever we want. It's whatever we want. We're doing it low on tree hill style. Okay. And then Tuck comes out, and he's in like full theater regalia. Yeah. Wait, what does that mean? Uh, like a white face. He's in white face. And then blacks everywhere else. He's in white face.

He's wearing sort of like one of those Victorian collars. He's got like the teardrop black makeup on his eyes. He's got jingle janglies all over his. So he's dressed like a Harlequin. A leotard. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then he goes, Lord's ladies and all you regular people out there. And they all go, yeah. It's done to us. We're watching that movie after we're done recording. He does. He does. Chaucer's lines from. It's time for the night.

Hello, my ladies and everyone else here are not sitting on a cushion. We, the players of the firefield's principality, bring you imperfect strangers. A story of two estranged cousins from distant lands. One from Halfling lands. Bong. And everyone goes, Halfling lands. That's where we are. And Billy walks out his arm zone and sword pointed up. Like a wrestler? Yeah. He's the Halfling land representative. Yeah. He's dressed kind of like a nacho libre. Yeah.

He's got, he's got a spino and tights and a mask on. He's in his face to look like a mask. A little tiny mustache. Yeah. Mustache. And a cape. Yeah. Just, he's been curly hair. He's just Jack Black. Billy completely visited his joke. What was happening? Billy's nodding along as if he knew anything. Yeah. He does not. He took Wild Bill's mustache and he put it on. Yeah. Wild Bill's got one eyebrow. And his cousin long estranged from the druidic lands of Hyburnia. Scips a runny with a robe.

I think also thinks it's a wrestling man. Yeah. Yeah. And you see the Halflings in the front row like, like, oh, like, and he goes, ah. Both alike in countenance, but from different houses, different families, a long standing feud between them. How will they resolve it? Will they resolve it with diplomacy? And he puts his hand to his ear. Yeah. Boo. We'll go to the back and I can't. I love diplomacy. I vote diplomacy. Oh, will they solve it with murder? One guy in front of you.

Oh, it scares Tuck a little bit. With violence. Yeah. Whoa. Bye, let's. Bye, let's. Bye, let's. And then Tuck goes, oh, you ready to run? And then Bing and I are doing a synchronized dance. Oh my god. We flare off one to pyrotechnic. Now Tuck, as soon as he says, rumble, he lights all the music. So now they're now the fuses are lit and are slowly burning. Yeah. We do not know when they're going to go off. Tuck in his head is like when this goes off. Everyone's going to be so proud of me.

They're going to be blown away. Everyone's going to be plowed. We've forgotten all about the plan. Oh man, it's a human. And I think that's where we're going to end it for this week. Thank you so much for joining me everybody. Playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian and joining me is always Abdulaziz. So everybody playing Ving the Half Elf Druid Paul Hoppers. Hands off you brute. Playing Fat Billy the Half Link Thief. Jessica Ty. Bye everyone.

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Spell lower is brought to you by listeners like yourself. If you want to check out more stuff or give us a support, go to www.pat. I'll start over. It sounds like a fucking alt of this to add. You know that my name, you know that my deep, their quests are famously daring. So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing. Tuck is the brute, you know that it's only lust, you sing and find. Fingers have healthy, shifts his shape and wields his skin with great pride.

The only safe, his tiny size, does mask the largest heart. Best and rise, they may not be but their friendship outweighs their smarts. So gather our friends and listen close for the tales about this to us. Hello everybody and welcome to Spell lower. I'm your Game Master, Shano Hera. Joining me is always playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian of Dual Aziz. Hello everybody. Playing Ving the Half-Elf Druid, Paul Oppers. And playing Fat Billy the Half-Link Thief Just Get's Eye. Hello.

When last we left our heroes, they began their journey from the roost headquarters of the crows to Lone Tree Hill Fortress of the Pumpkin King. They came in the accompaniment of the crows themselves as well as their leader, the mysterious and cunning Wild Bill. The party accompanied these halflings across the blasted wastelands of the Everwood Valley. On their journey to defeat their foe.

And I'm remembering that the original plan was to go take over the Pumpkin King's horde so that we could use the pile of groceries as Jessica put it. Yeah, I think so. To attract the crows. To attack the pig. Yeah, to try to kill the pigs. To try to attack the pigs. And then take down Razor Tusk. Take down Razor Tusk. Take his armor off and the hogpocalypse forever. That's ultimately what we're trying to do. Yeah. Okay. So that's an important thing to remember. Let's put a pin in that.

Let's put a pin in that. That's where we started. Because we're in the middle of a wrestling match right now. On stage. Right, I forgot. Okay, so on their way through the lands they discovered a massive barricade of discarded furniture from surrounding farmlands protecting an intact field of corn.

The party traveled through this towering pile of detritus before one of the younger members of the crows made the classic Aladdin blunder of touching a shiny thing that he saw in a dangerous place, bringing the furniture crashing down. Being solved this problem by summoning the spirit of an elk who formed a body out of the furniture. Also creating kind of like a city bus. And then you guys had a thing to ride. Your new friend Dodge, the giant elk made out of furniture. The party continued.

You arrived at Lone Tree Hill having made probably six or seven different plans on the way there. Landing on, Billy will illusion all of the halflings to look like potatoes in the butt of the elk. And then Trojan horse into Lone Tree Hill and use that as a sort of surprise attack to gain access to the pumpkin king's horse. Totally. And then we arrived at Lone Tree Hill. Yeah. And then you approached the people on the wall. The problem was Paul started talking before anybody else was the thing.

Don't use my name. Have I got a good idea now? So, Ving took place. That's my captured audience. Ving took points on the arrival and immediately announced to you all as a circus. As a circus that was wanted to give food for the privilege of performing. That's what then being added to the horde where we were eventually trying to get. I think was maybe some of my reasoning. But that's also not how circus is worth. They take money to perform. Yeah. It did work though.

The halfling said that while they wouldn't allow you. Sorry, Sean. Can you say that again? The plan did kind of work as the halflings didn't say that you could come in, but they said that they would come out and they would watch your performance. So you started setting up a stage, chairs, the whole deal. Yeah. Tuck rigged up some pyrotechnics and failed miserably, unknowingly creating a series of bombs along the front of the stage that will explode at some point.

I packed a bunch of music bottles with gunpowder and I was like, these are going to look so pretty. I love this little spotlight in the morning. And the play began sort of a combination of perfect strangers and Lucha Libre wrestling. Billy came out with a mask and a cape. Ving was dressed like an also him. I think he also had like a cape on. Yeah. And Tuck was dressed like a Harlequin clown. That's what it was.

When I introduced them, like it very quickly evolved into just like a wrestling match. Yeah. With some backstory. A little bit of backstory. But the crowd clearly wants a wrestling match. They want a wrestling match. Yeah. Dodge. The elk was brought inside as a gift. And that is where we find our heroes now. Tell me the scene that we are seeing play out on stage right now. Where are we at in the performance? I think we're still squaring off and maybe giving too much backstory. Okay. Okay.

So we're going to be in the first part of wrestling. Yeah. Right. Okay. So let's start with some exposition then from the characters. Our uncle always liked you better. Yeah. No wonder right? And Billy flexes. The audience goes ooh. And the halflings clap. Yeah. Get them. I think it goes. And they go. And Billy goes. How's the weather up there? And the halflings go. They love that. They love roasting to all people.

And then tuck takes like one of those like metal sheets and makes a thunder sound with it. And it spits on thing. Okay. The spinning. We can do without a spinning. You'll find out the weather when I just launch you into space. And then we start doing a little like squaring off around each other, you know? Yeah. And we get them to just clap their stomp their feet. They start stomping and clapping. And tuck is like the sort of like the chorus goes to the front of the stage.

And then he goes, my halfling brethren, who do you think will arrive victorious? The pure end. Pure is an interesting way to start. The pure of heart. Halfling. Yeah. Yeah. Halfling. Who has gravis. Oh yeah. Gravy. Whoo. Oh, baby. Gravy. Gravy. Gravy. The gravy Libra. And then I go, or the stupid bitch. I could tell what the crowd wanted. It says just go ahead. Okay. Bing. Bing. You can see that the halflings are not interested in the perfect strangers. Yeah. The unit is it really is?

And now it's a it's a. No, we have common ground. We're here to find common ground. You're going to learn from each other's customs. I think that the halfling might win. And you can see guys up on the wall, the pumpkin king, he crosses his little arms under his big pumpkin helmet. And he kind of starts to turn away. It seems like he's bored. Oh no. And you know, we cut like the camera cuts to the inside. And you can see a bunch of potatoes in the ass of this elk start rumbling around. Yeah.

And like moving. So if you if you don't keep the pumpkin king's attention, it took a dude, you got to play it up like you're the bad guy. I am here to eat the hearts of each and every halfling. We'll identify danger charisma. Here I go. Sick. I got nine. Oh my God. Oh, I ate. I ate. Okay. Billy pulls out his jingly sword and he takes out the blade. It's like actual intrigue. Yeah. No, if I eat yours first. Whoa. Shit. Okay. So that's four. So that's a failure. So it's still seven to nine. Okay.

Yeah, that's a four. Which means something bad happens to Billy. Billy didn't grip it properly. The heat. So he cuts his own hand. So everything goes into a scared mom mode and then drops the I'm going to eat your heart and goes into you've got blood on your hands. Oh my God, Billy. Oh my God. What have you done? This is foreshadowing your blood on my hands. Billy, roll a D for it. Okay. Three. Three points of damage as you slice your own hand deep.

And the seven to nine is that yeah, like they're still like, yeah, but you are worried because Billy is bleeding everywhere. So now I start orchestrating the play to try and hate him outwardly and heal him inwardly. Okay. And the pumpkin King sees the blood and goes, whoa, like leans in. Billy's spraying everywhere. Oh my God. He's spraying the crowd with it. And they're like, Oh, for the heart. Things trying to get up like sit on them basically to get him to spring people.

This is when we start wrestling for real. Yes. It turns into actual wrestling match right now. And then took goes the evil druid is thirsty for blood. No. I'm away from my blood. My precious precious blood. My precious blood. Oh, yes. You know, he's human. A mom puts a spit on it. Oh, delicious. Why is it so sweet, Billy? They said corn syrup. Don't worry about it. We got to take you to a doctor for sure. Oh my God. You have to have diabetes. This blood is giving me diabetes.

He's drinking my blood. He's eating me alive. I'm putting poisons in there to make you weaker. Healing potion. Healing potion. Can I heal them? The poultice takes a while. Okay. You can stop the bleeding. Yeah. But the damage will remain. I take a piece of my costume like, Oh, no, let go. And you like ripple off. You have ripped my costume and tied up in my hand. I cost you. What is your costume? Oh, yeah. It is a, it's a cape of many colors. Ooh. Technically many colors.

Technically many color dream cape. A nightmare cape. Oh, a nightmare cape. I have a nightmare, a multi colored nightmare cape on. Where did you guys get these costumes, by the way? I found in the elk, there's a huge trunk. Yeah. Yeah. And he's got a hat with like giant horns that come down and then up. From a Jacob's sheep. And he's put on his gray shawl as a big beard. Ooh. And not a whole lot else. He's got like a skin suit on. Like a, like a big colored flesh suit on.

So he's like really skinny. Wow. It looks like a little monster. He looks like a naked like a, well, a little, he's seven feet tall. Yes. Or six, ten or whatever. He's doing all this lanky business with a lot of knees and elbows. It's really weird. It kind of looks like a Chupacab, right? Yeah, it's a Chupacabery for sure, for sure, for sure. Yeah. Anyways, he's so perskinny and long and pointy and he's covered in these like duct tape some hair to him and stuff. Yeah, totally.

Where is their hair? Down there. Because you realize that when he had a naked suit on that it would, they would just be like, oh, he just doesn't have any junk. So he just hid it in a bunch of hairs. Did you make your feet until like hooves? Nope. Okay. But I mean, yes, you're a man. No, no, no, no. I can say that you were just in my mind most of the way to Seder already. So I was just like, are you a Seder? I am pretty much. He did turn his hands into hooves and his mouth into hooves.

So your first Seder with hoof mouth? Hoof mouth and hoof disease. Yeah. Oh, good. So okay. Your plan here is to continue the performance. Yeah. And distract the pumpkin king long enough for the crows to do their thing. Yeah. So they can get out and like break into the horde. Yeah. And open it up. Veeam Flocks that he really likes blood. So then he opens one of the music bottles and then opens his forehead. Because he knows. Whoa.

Like he in a fake tussle with Billy and then he opens his forehead because there's a lot of blood there. Oh, wrestling style. Yeah. They're like, they've nicked their forehead so they get covered in blood. Yeah. Can I ask what Billy's dress is? He's wearing that nacho Lee break kind of outfit. So he's got no shirt on, but he's got the wide belt. Sash. Yeah. Jorts. Jorts. Shiny. Shiny. Yes. I will acknowledge that five words into your description you deviated. Naturally. I did. Sash. Jorts.

Jorts. Two words. No. Shiny loose jorts. No shirt. Basketball shorts. Yeah. He looks like a bully from the 90s. He smeared a lot of stuff on himself like dirt and paint and he's wearing a mask. Cool. And he's got a little cape on. It's got a cape. Yeah. So he also looks insane. Both of you look like the bad guy in this place for sure. I'm tussling with being I'm trying to do a flip using his horns. Oh, cool. Oh, sick. That was really good. What are you doing? Thing. Help me. Help me.

Like make it look cool. Okay. Okay. Okay. Three. Oh, hold on. Dexter. I'm not good. Next to it. Four plus two is six. Oh, yeah. Eight eight eight. Yeah. Three. Two. One. Oh, holy shit. Hot rolls. Yes. Nice. I got 11. So seven to nine, which means that being flips over Billy. I really launched myself. Yeah. And as you're like you turn over once, turn over twice and you're like facing one of the footlights and it fucking back right in front of you.

Not enough that you like it's it is powerful, but it was mostly bright and it's a burst of music like so loud for a second. What kind of music burst out of this bottle? But just the beginning of it. So it's just the scream from sabotage. And so you're like your ears are ringing. Your eyes are fucking. You can't see for a second. You got big circles in the middle of your eye from the flash and you're kind of deaf a little bit and then tuck out to amped.

So he gets a folding chair and smash his fingers. It's like that's. And the happens go. And the and the pumpkin king. The pumpkin king's hands are like on the edge of the battle meant like leaning forward. Oh my God, we'll sell you the whole battle man, but you'll only need the edge. What are you rolling to do here? Are you really hacking flash? Yeah, I guess. Yeah, it's PVP now. Oh my God. Two to six plus strength for Hackett slash. Jesus. That's 11. Okay.

So you're rolling tucks damage, which is what's your damage? 10. Three. Okay, not too bad. So Vang has a very jarring two seconds where the bottle explodes in your face. It's really loud and bright and then you get hit with a folding chair. My forehead is open. Yeah, you are. And now it's it's like you didn't even have to cut it open because it's open in a different place now and you are bleeding. Okay. But the halflings are enraptured. So the camera can cut inside for a moment.

What do we see happening? I like it. I think it's funny that the elk is pooping a potato. Yeah. From the side view, we see a bunch of potatoes tumbling out. Blah, blah, blah, booty. Yeah, and it's kind of dodges kind of like crouching down a little bit and like shaking them out of his butt. All right. His tail's up. Yeah. We got dog taking your shit. Exactly. And then he kicks the dirt.

And inside of Laundry Hill, we see the village as we might remember from the the Billy Spelt Lourgens a couple of years ago, a collection of small buildings, dwellings sort of like an outdoor kind of market stall arcade kind of thing, like, you know, a big awning with sticks and a newspaper printer off in the distance with a sketchy, shifty looking figure running back and forth between the front and back doors. He's saying, I am totally normal. Jay is a totally normal business day.

Don't look at what I'm doing in here, even though you can see it all that, but then draped with banners with a hastily painted jack-o-lantern face on them. And I guess in the middle of town, so everybody can see it. No one can sneak up on it. A big pile of food. You got a push broom. Yeah, right in the middle of town. Somebody comes up with a push broom and brooms all the potatoes into the pile. Oh, yeah. And they're like, what are all these potatoes doing out here?

I love for you to go with your friends, potatoes. Sweep, sweep, sweep. I love sweeping the potato pile. You know, a lot of people think that the pumpkin king's been bad for a lone tree hill, but before I just swept the ground. Now look at me, I'm sweeping potatoes. And all the halflings are like, what is this guy's deal? Who is he talking? And sweeping Steve is lots of life. Who is he talking to? He just talking to himself or is there another person?

And the pie the potatoes get swept into the big pile of food and sweeping Steve walks along looking for something else to sweep. And after a few moments of silence, one of the potatoes blinks its eyes. Cute. And we cut back outside. What do we see? Tuck his wheeled out one of those old style like backgrounds that like look like waves and there's like a ship. Billy's rowing this fake little wooden ship. And there's a second ship with Bing in it behind. Chasing. Yeah. Doing this with his arms.

He doesn't have any oars at the front of the boat swimming the ship. Billy is throwing balls of yarn at Bing and he's doing like cannonball. And tuck shakes everything when it, when cannonball goes off. And one of the bombs actually is going to be going. I'm so sorry. Bing is losing a lot of blood. He's getting a little bit woozy. So Billy goes to balls of gauze and he's like another cannonball. It hits him like in the eye. Oh, oh, God. Sticks all the blood and unroll.

So he's just got this big thing of gauzing in all his space. Yeah. I just want to make sure I know what you guys are doing. Your plan continues to be put on a show. Distract everybody. Yeah. But I tuck has a tuck has a plan because he's been really going hard on all of this and he goes to the front of the stage as the whole thing is happening. He points at Billy and he's like our brave hero attempts to escape on the sea of graves. Oh, yeah. Just a kid. Just a kid did. What is this symbol?

Just two P symbols. You did a cross in front of her chest. Billy does do that. But the evil drew it and he points it big. And he's like, please, please don't, please don't make fun of me anymore. And then tuck leads into a, he's like, I'm so sorry, buddy, but you can hold it together a little bit longer. Your touch is comforting me so much. I love you so much. I'm keeping together. The show must go on.

And then tuck goes, but the evil drew it is catching up with his arcane arts and then like tuck takes like the boat that thing is in and like lifts it up in the air as if it's going to smash down on Billy and tuck goes only one. So brave as the pumpkin king could save our brave hero. And then I take Billy's sword and throw it up to the pumpkin king. Please pumpkin king. Come help. Okay. Defy danger, charisma. And I'm trying to get him out of the tower and down. Yeah. Yeah.

Audience participation. Yeah. Interesting. Can I go? Don't you want to see your brave king save this pure half leg? Do you need six plus charisma? Yeah, charisma. Again. Twelve. Okay. The pumpkin king shoots his hand up, grabs the sword by the handle. Holy shit. Glitters looks at it and is like, no, you know, does the like, I couldn't possibly like hand wave. I knew he would be chicken and the halflings start turning around and they go, pumpkin king, pumpkin king.

And they're like clapping like, come on. Pumpkin king. Pumpkin king. And he holds up his hands. Any nods. And he starts walking down. Yeah. He disappears and then the gate creaks open just a little bit and the pumpkin king. And I like that he comes out like, ah, like with a kind of like smile on his face. He's trying to like really put on a show for his people. Yeah. He starts swinging the sword around. He's got his jack-o-lantern helmet.

You can see like halfling features underneath in the light of the lamps that you've put up. It's not just a pumpkin person. I guess is all I'm trying to say. It's not a pumpkin. He's not just a nick of bud. No, not, not anymore. And he approaches the stage and he gets up onto the stage and holds his hands and the sword up aloft and the halflings all cheer. Yeah, pumpkin king. Pumpkin king. And he faces, he kind of makes a show of facing off with Veng. Okay.

Now, yeah, Veng starts engaging in a very slow, okay, into slow motion now. He's like, Wank time is like, here we go to try and take up more time. Okay. So, yeah, we're going to pull it time to rattle the potatoes to do their magic. Yeah, totally. And inside, what do we see? The potatoes have been pooped out onto the ground. I mean, they would have to like restrain people. Yeah, maybe so maybe. So that's what they're doing. Oh, yeah.

We see like a sort of, you know, halfling like standing guard, like the camera pans past a halfling standing guard and a potato runs off script, grabs them and pulls them around a corner. Oh, like there's stealth potatoes. Yeah. Yeah. Like now they're normal because they've put on like the stolen person's clothes. Oh, yeah. Now they're just a halfling. Yeah. And there's like a couple playing haystacks, like the halfling version of Cornerstone. Oh, cool.

And they like get pulled out of the room that they're in through a window and then two halflings take their place. I saw one of the potatoes, like on a cutting board and they're halfling about to cut it and then they cut, they cut their arm with the wrist and they put it back in their face and then knocked them out and took their clothes. Yeah. They were about to get cooked up. That's so sick. There's like a Metal Gear Solid like stealth segment happening in the middle of this.

They're just like quietly like going through the town. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, so maybe the plan is like install themselves. So when the show's over, great. You're in control. Oh, cool. And all the others are outside. Yeah. And then we fortify the fortress. Yeah, because we kind of, we got the like regular people outside, like the women and children and stuff and then only the guards were left inside. And then we'd write through the king himself out. This plan is working great.

You might say all of us might say that. So the pumpkin king is delightfully playing the part of hero, slow mo fighting with Vang. Yeah. And Vang is really milking the time here. Oh, yeah. Okay, great. What do we see that signals that the town has been secured? A flag. The pumpkin flakes goes down the flagpole. So the three of you see the flag go down on the pole and you know that the fort has been taken. Yeah. What do you do? Well, we don't have to do anything because the fuses has finished.

So then one of the bottles explodes. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, shooting shards of molten glass everywhere. So the pumpkin king raises his sword triumphantly for a final blow. And just as he begins to bring the jester sword down, Vang catches his hand. And then the bombs explode. Yeah. And the music that starts playing is, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, as like they're all like, yeah. Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh. Yeah.

But so there's explosions and that halfling families get out of harm's way. They shield their heads and eyes as they dash backwards toward the gates. And things like be careful. Everybody. What did you do? Talk. Boom. People are blinded and deafened. Chuck is like, kids, he's like, something went wrong with the pyrotechnics. Yeah. Thank you, secure the pumpkin king. And he's also trying to deflect glass and save the people. Yeah. So the people run back to the gates and the gates are closed.

Ha ha. Whoa. Yeah. Whoa, whoa. Why? How could it be? But Vang, you're trying to restrain the pumpkin king. Yeah. He's got him and he like, he caught it from down on the ground in his like little twisted pose. And then he just like catches him and like winks at him and then just stands up with him and secures him under his arms, give him a little nuggy. Give me a defied interest rank. No, right. 12. Handily. So it turns out the halfling the pumpkin king is still a halfling.

So he is like three feet tall. You just pick him up into the air and he's swinging his arms and legs. Yeah. And he takes a sword of his hand. You're going to hurt somebody with that. Unhand me. Release me. I am the pumpkin king. Yes, I understand. You're my pumpkin prisoner. You guys are like, like, try your ears unplugged. I can't see her here. Yeah. I like run into tuck because Billy also can't see her hear anything. It's like, who's that? Is it the pumpkin king? I start. Don't get him.

Get him. Get him. I can't believe you're the folding chair. Oh, no. Billy is out cold. What you do? Billy just gets fucking golf across the courtyard. And tuck has been a menace since he discovered folding chairs. Got two amps. He's never seen a wrestling mat or a folding chair. And you know, you've got the pumpkin king in your hands. He's kicking and kicking and swinging and screaming. And you hear, so sorry to do this to you, Jack, but your fortress is now under new management.

And he goes, no, it couldn't be your, your dead. And he pulls off his hood and Jesus. Holy shit. Whoa. Wild Bill says the reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated. That's right. They weren't real. Okay. So what's your plan for mayor? Billy wakes up. Having been hit with a folding chair. And he realizes what's going on. I think I should try to restrain the pumpkin king. Like we should tie him up or something. Oh, yeah. Put him up on the flagpole. What do you think of that? Yeah.

We're going to get a string of them. Okay. Defide injured dexterity to make sure that it is a secure knot. Those ones suck on using these. Eleven. Okay. Yeah. You like crochet the halfling the pumpkin king. I make a really good little like crocheted sleeping bag for him. Like a poose? Yeah. You tighten the drawstring around his neck and he's fully encased. Yeah. So cute. What doesn't know is putting them in a poose is the easiest way to defeat a halfling. Yeah. It's true. It's insulting.

It really is. Okay. The pumpkin king is safely restrained. Yes. Yes. So we cut to we see the pumpkin king's flagpole with the pumpkin king himself attached being hoisted into the air. Oh, we used a bit of his flag as part of the poose. Oh, yeah. That's fine. Yeah. And he's just like, you can't do this. You can't. You don't understand. Don't. Be stability. I bring stability to these lands without me. They'd be over. Everyone would be overrun by the hogs. You bring stability within these walls.

These lands are far beyond the walls of your keep. These walls are all that's left. You'll see your laws. And then he's too far away to be heard. Wait. Can nobody hear me? I'm talking really loud. Yeah. I'm just pulling him up even higher. No. I think the pumpkin makes it hard for me to be heard. It's my boy. It's this thing. I have to be. And then that crow from before the one that kills for sport lands on the top of the pole. Oh, my God. Oh, yeah. He's got a weird look in his arm.

What's your deal? I think he's going to be splashed. He's going to taste. He's going to taste. He's packing at the inside of his arm. And while Bill like dusts off his hands and he goes, well, job done. The pumpkin king has been eliminated, I suppose. You know, I have to say, I thought he would have been a greater threat than he turned out to be. Yeah. That's what we're finding about all. Nothing. Very well. I do have a question.

Is everyone just on board with the pumpkin king not being around anyone? Yeah, they don't care. The guards have been tied up. Right. And the people are like, there's a lot of like hugging between like the people that were here in the crows. Oh, there's like a sort of sense of elation and relief. Okay. From among the halfling people here. He was kind of keeping them under. Yeah. He was he was doing a thing that no halfling is cool with doing, which is like hoarding. Right. And excluding people.

So everyone is kind of not okay with it. Yeah. Yeah. So for Steve, it seems like you really. And the halflings are like, he did not ration the food. He rationed it from us. Yeah. Yeah. That sucks. Yeah. He's like a plump little halfling. He's been eating plenty. Oh, yeah. All the guards are super plump. Oh, yeah. Even plumper than normal. That's why it was so easy for the crows to feed them. They just push them downstairs and then they kept rolling. Oh, oh, I'm not hurt, but oh, I can't get up.

All the halflings are in that like billionaire tech guy starvation mode where their bodies and minds are running at peak efficiency. They're all chewing the cadine gum. And all of the former guards are in one of those, you know, in like a Walmart when there's just a bunch of balls and like kind of a yes. Yes. Okay. That's a last to cage. All the guards are in one of those just like sitting in there like, huh, well, we did it again, Jerry. Here we are again, back in the ball cage.

Don't you win working. Could you guys shut up? I'm trying to. Perfect. Cheers. It's time to turn me around. Who's shifting every time you shift, we all shift. Yeah. Like there are mothers and their children and like, like elderly halflings coming out. And just joy in their faces as they see their community beginning to reform. There's a halfling version of that one picture from V-Day of like the soldier dipping the nurse, I think.

And there's another explosion from outside glittering pieces of glass. Our through the air is the kiss. Oh, God. Well, some of them are still live out there. I sure hope nobody's at the tent. And now to the matter at hand, I suppose. Razor tusk. Razor tusk. Razor tusk. We have to open the gates. We must waft the smell. But does anyone have anything they can do to like cook the food or something? Oh, yeah. That's what we should do. We should have a feast. Oh, yeah.

We should have a big party feast. Oh, that's what halflings would do. Yeah. Amazing. And he's like, go waste the food. Russian. Russian. Yeah. So you're going to have a big feast. Yeah. Big old cookout. Yeah. In town or outside? Just right in the square right now. Yeah. But we're going to open the doors wide open. Yeah. So there's a breeze. Yeah. And maybe Vinc can create a big breeze later. Oh, yeah. Don't mean it to stop it. You also know where razor tusk is because of the.

Yeah, because I marked him. And you also turn the tusk into a compass. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Right. I forgot about that. So you can blow the wind in his direction. Right. That's why I did that. Yeah. That's why I did that. And that's why after doing that, I remembered that for this moment to bring back the things to allow the episode to go forward. Yeah. It's called planning and professionalism, guys. And it always works out.

Then okay, the halflings start looking at each other going feast, feast, feast, feast, feast, feast, feast, feast. And then everybody like starts scattering and grabbing cooking implements, tables, chairs. I thought there was a whole bunch of potatoes here just a minute ago. Hi, Steve. That means that the potatoes must have rolled away and he picks up his broom. He puts sunglasses on. He's like, I'm coming for you potatoes. And the feast. Okay. What is it?

What is each of you doing to help prepare for the feast? I'm gathering all the folding chairs that are made of wood. I'm throwing them into a huge pile because we're going to have like a bonfire kind of feast. Nice. Definitely not sitting on the chairs. Just a full burn the chairs. Beautiful. So Billy's dragging chair after chair after chair into the main square. What's tuck doing? Um, shit. What could he do there be the most effective to bring razor tusk?

I think what tuck is doing is he's taking the walls of the town down. Oh, yeah. He's like, it's what? Defensively. Is it bad? Is that a bad plan? No, no, no. I was just thinking that he is still a giant pig called razor tusk with magic armor. Do we need somewhere safe to put the halflings? Oh, maybe. Yeah, right. You can stay in the main key area or we can put them all in dodge. Yeah. And tell Dodge to run away. I guess I'm talking to Dodge.

I'm taking down the fences and then I go and I talk to Dodge. Okay. What do you need? And everything kicks off with razor tusk. Uh huh. Can you keep the halflings with you? The ones that aren't going to be fighting them. Oh, yeah. Okay. And just keep them safe. So if like the pigs get too intense and we end up dying as a result of it, which and then I lean into him and I go, it would be a really unsatisfying end of the podcast. So I doubt that that's what's going to happen. Oh, for sure.

But if things go south, we need you to keep the halflings safe. And do. Okay. I've got a real fetching living room set sort of on my back right shoulder that I think they'll really like. It really brings my ass together. And then, and then took goes and he starts taking the walls of the town down to open it back up. Is that a good idea defensively? You know what? Never mind. You do your thing.

And he just stands there rattling every once in a while, gently surveying all of the detritus that he can't wait to incorporate into his form. What's Ving doing? Oh, he's creating an even bigger compass with a giant. There was like a kitty pool where they were hanging out. Some of the higher guards were like lounging and they were like, it's a spa day. So everybody had to come in and like give them mud treatments. So he's taking that and filled it with water and he's magnetized the tusk.

No, he's put it on a big leaf in the middle of the pool so that everyone can use it as a guy. So he's not the only one who has to watch the tusk. Oh, cool. Everybody will know when it's coming and where it's coming from. Yeah. Okay, great. So the food gets cooked in the way that halflings like to cook food. So what kind of dishes are we seeing on these tables? Boiled potatoes, mashed potatoes, roasted potatoes, barbecue potatoes.

Some of the guards that we brought in like, oh, you like to be like dodge the bullet here. The barbecue pumpkins, pumpkin pie, potato pie, potato pot pie, boiled eggs, unpeeled. Mm hmm. Unpeeled. Yeah, like they're like they get boiled and they get peeled and then they get put in a bowl. Oh, I see. Yeah. Okay. Dry dried blueberries, blueberry pie, blueberry potato, blueberry stuffed potatoes. Yum. Oh, dessert potatoes. Yeah.

He's just melting down, looking at all the different potato, blueberry potato pot, blueberry potato pie, gravy, blueberry mushroom, gravy potato pie. Yeah. Walked by a few times and Billy's just been in the exact spot listing. Uh huh. Soup. So may see. You know me with this fence and Billy and Billy. So where's Isaac's actual potatoes? Totally. Yeah. Dry laid his mouth is dripping with drool. I need to bring some glass of water in. He's a hydrate. That's, he's losing too much fluid.

He's been drooling for days and took takes down the last of the walls. Yeah. Lone tree hill is now returned. And I imagine, you know, half crows have gone around and ripped down the pumpkin king's banners. Yeah. And every time that happens, the pumpkin king kind of kicks his arms and legs. My bananas. I'm going to lose my deposit. And the feast is on. People are digging into potatoes. People are digging into pies.

People are digging into blueberries and all of the configurations that exist for those things. You're doing reenactments of the fight around the fire. Yeah. And they're talking about how bad things were under the pumpkin king and they keep, but they keep pointing up at him and laughing. Like what a nerd. He ruined everything. And there's the, from the loose bag cage of round guards, there is some mutterances of, we're sorry. We're sorry.

Can't have a, can't have a little pieces by dump a bit of potatoes in here. We'll just grab what we can. Burm a little piece of the reclat. A little bit of a little bit of a reclat. Just a little bit of a reclat. Please. I'm begging you. Because the plan here is to waft. Yeah. Right. So we're, we got big stew pots going and stuff. Mm hmm. They put in all the aromatics in there. Oh yeah. Tons of garlic and stuff like that.

They put the, all the food and all the wafting dishes on a giant lady, lazy Susan with the compass in the middle so that they can put all the waft around. Oh yeah. Yeah. That's a good idea. And what is the actual power of the waft being completed by? Elemental mastery. All right. Here we go. Elemental mastery. Great. I got seven. So I get to choose one. I will choose the effect I desire comes to pass. Okay. Which means that you. I need your spice and do not retain control. That's correct. Okay.

So you start summoning the spirits of the wind and the air to cast the smells of this food about. It comes in like the as like the sparks of the fire going up. They're turning into a bat sparks, bat ashes and they're coming down and like carrying off the scent. They're like going off in a big fog. Oh cool. Carrying off in different directions.

All these different birds from leaves around the thing and little people's laughs and stories or like somebody smoking a pipe and it goes up in the shape of like some crows and it goes off and they're spreading the scent off in a certain direction. Someone farts and it does it. Yes. Yes. Farts and it comes out as like a frog. Yes. It starts like hopping away with grabs a bunch of smells and starts hopping away. I'll get this where it needs to go buddy. What the hell was that?

That is the effect I desire coming to pass. Yeah. That's true. So you do not retain. Okay. So the nature's price that you pay is you know some Baffton birds swoop down taking these scents away but a few like really become attached to you and start kind of swirling around you, suffusing you with this powerful scent of delicious food which means you might end up being a bit of a focused target when the horde does show up. Also target for the halflings too. Yeah. Delicious. Hey, what are you doing?

And you do not retain control in the way that you like direct them towards where the compass is going but they go all over. They scatter to the to the winds and you're thinking okay well if we're just trying to get razor tusk in his pigs here we might be getting all of the pigs here. Oh yeah. No. Yeah. And it will make it tougher to tell when danger is actually approaching. Why don't you even use this move? Because it's really powerful. So Wild Bill kind of kicks his feet up on the table.

He's got a little pipe in his hand. He's patting his belly like a grandpa at a Christmas dinner that will be asleep in 20 minutes. Cool. Right when the pigs show up. Our job is done now all that we can do is wait. One of his eyebrows is on fire. The other one is like dipping down like a cross. Feel or know anything about them because they're not actually attached to them. Yeah. Trying to get the eyebrow back up to where it's supposed to be.

This is what I hate the most, you know, the silence before the storm. I hear you. Yeah. So yeah, he's lit his little pipe and you can smell the very notable scent of halfling pipe leaf and he just starts puffing away. Are you getting high? My age. That doesn't really happen anymore. You smoke enough of this stuff. It's kind of impossible. Being sober is kind of like being high for me now. I'm just aware of too many things when I'm sober, you know, it's overwhelming. My first name is wild.

He's definitely getting high. He is a ballasted right now. Wild. Wild. You ever thought about how that sound feels? Wild. Wild. Not about how that word feels in your mouth. Is that a word? Who puts L's before D's? Yeah. So this is your opportunity to just kind of chat with Bill, ask around and like get to know some of the other halflings. Ving's talking to one of the halflings that's helping him on the lazy season. Yeah. It's been like it just showed up and been like a right hand person.

He's been a really good help. Yeah. His name is Armin. Armin. Oh, nice. Is there any halfling river legends that you know of? Who knows the river best around here? Okay. So let's roll a spout lure with this determining what Armin knows. I'd like to use druidic lure when I consult the trove of ancient knowledge within me to examine the events of the world, role plus wisdom. On a hit GM will ask you a question about the subject. Whatever you say is true.

Seven to nine, the GM will introduce complicating or contradictory information. Okay. Does that make sense to use it here? Yeah. Armin, what do you know about the trove of druidic knowledge inside of me? Yeah. I also like the idea that halflings are insular and they're really good at parables. Like they have wonderful stories, but he's using his ideas of druidic lure to understand his stories in a bigger context. Oh, yeah. Totally. Totally. Okay. Great. So it's what, 2d6 plus wisdom?

Plus wisdom. Okay. Ooh, I got nine. So what we know is that the river goes, it courses down and then dips into the everwood itself. And then comes back out and goes around. And it's usually like the in and out of the everwood, which is where things disappear and reappear. Right. There's like an underwater passage that gets sucked underground. Maybe Armin has a story of, yeah, like there are, oh, you know, there, what's, oh, yeah, you know, there I'm Armin. I'm working out of voice.

Yeah, it's a little younger. I just, I just graduated from halfling high school. Whoa. You went to halfling high? Yep. I got a 3.1 GPA. That's gross pumpkin average. That's really good. That's a really good GPA. I was able to grow 3.1 full sized pumpkins by the end of term. That's the whole. How many gross. How many successful pumpkins you can grow. Oh, you spent, you did the pumpkin stream. Cool, cool. I was wait. Oh, well, you know, it's hard to measure. Yeah. It's a, yeah.

What are you going to do with that, you know? Okay. You know, Armin, all right. I come from a pumpkin family. Yeah. But you know, without we, you wouldn't have pumpkin bread. So. And without pumpkin, you wouldn't have wheat bread. You're so, you're so right. We all got to work together. That's really what the Everwood Vets. That's what you got. And he puts his hands out on all of you. That's what you guys have really taught us here. And there's three of you.

So he's moving his hands around to make sure he's touching each of you. Nice. Very considerate. Anyway, you know, things wash up in the, in the winter shins and the sun wise things appear in the water from far away or long ago or sometimes people say far ahead. Whoa. Does anyone in town keep these things anywhere? What? I mean, I've heard things. Like what? There's a old halfling woman that lives out near the Everwood. Some say she trolls the river collecting things that wash up in its waters.

Some say she went through the waters herself. Whoa. That's what I'm asking about. That's a creepy thing. What's her name? Well, I mean, I don't know her, her birth name. She's, she's pretty, she's up there. But everybody just calls her Nana. Oh, she might have cool shit we can see. Yeah. If you had questions about the sun wise in the winter shins, she probably knows more than anyone else in the valley. Cool.

But that's, you know, assuming that we aren't all trampled to death by pigs in the next hour or two. Yes, of course. There's a real like about to storm the beaches of Normandy vibe to this. Yeah. It's like everybody standing in those boats. Yeah. Well, nice knowing you guys. Some people are barfing because it had too many potatoes. Exactly. Okay. Anything else you want to ask anyone else you want to talk to? Oh, I do have, I do. I wanted to talk to a wild bill. Okay. Yeah.

Just sitting there smoking a spike. His eyes are getting a little red. Oh, he's right. He's getting high. He's not getting high. He's becoming high because he's smoking it, but he's not doing it with the intention of becoming high. Right. Yeah. Okay. He is high now. This is what he's been telling me. Okay. What's the problem? He's getting a little high. All right. Do you think razor tuskel know that I'm high? What is going on with you and razor tuskel, dude? Have you ever, okay.

Are you, are you, are you, how, how familiar are you, how experienced are you with intelligent animals? Uh, and the tech looks at Bing. Bing is looking. Bing glances at Billy. Uh huh. Then Billy looks around like one. I dove. Is it gets, it's throat sliced and falls into the fire. Oh my God. I'm not the one for my notch belt. The crow is saying this to Jack. Wick. Did you see that Jack? I didn't even feel anything that time. Jesus. Jack's like, who? This is going to be, I'm a problem.

And bill says, if you're hunting an animal, that's one thing. It's you versus the animal. No communication. No understanding. You in pure survival mode. But when you got an intelligent animal that you can communicate with in some way, that's basically another person. So we've got kind of a rapport. That makes sense. I had a rapport once. Yeah. I bet. Wait, he's tucking high. Yeah. He's getting a contact. All the smoke is being blown at him. Yeah. Cause all these flies. Yeah.

And this is a big, it's got all these fly wind bats around. Right. Yeah. Now they're taking weed smoke places. Yeah. Oh my God. We're all getting, because every half things are like things just a walking hot box. Sick. Every time wild bill like ashes, his pipe, which is quite frequently, he does it into the thing that's making the smoke right. Yeah. And all the bats fly away. Oh, shit. Yeah. I have rapport. Yeah. I had rapport with a dragon. He's my best friend. Whoa. What?

Dragon would have fit on that boat. So good. Oh, here we go again. Dragon was so, was definitely the size that you could fit on the boat. All I'm saying. I'll never forget. You know, if I had to think about it. I'll never, ever forget. Don't be staring into the fire. He's getting so high. If I had to think about it, I think there are several things to consider with a dragon on a boat. One, they're pretty heavy, right? And I know that boats carry heavy stuff. But it's carry heavy stuff.

People in the discord did the math on this. So what you put, you put the dragon on the top deck and then the whole boat is top heavy. And the second that boat turns the whole thing capsizes. How much of the kill you think is in the water, dude? The clear water is a huge boat. How you getting that dragon below decks, though? It can be above deck. Have you ever seen a super tanker? I don't buy it. Wild Bill and Abdul, stop fighting. That's what I like about you, man.

You're willing to think about things. That's what I like about all three of you. Billy, I used to be terrified of you when I was a kid. Likewise. Wild Bill nods and like, we flash back to them when Wild Bill was a child and Billy was also a child. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. That's true. And Wild Bill's just got a handful of blackberries and a full mustache. A full full bar mustache. And Billy's hiding in the bushes, trying to stay still, but he's getting so cut up by the blackberry thorns.

And Bill throws a blackberry towards Billy. And Billy jumps back, like a dog. And Bill jumps back and runs away. But then Billy comes crawling out like a dog and takes the blackberry and has the little tears in his eyes because he's like, oh, he's so kind. And Bill is just running away, dust kicking up behind him. And then Billy follows his tracks. Like a dog? Yeah, like a dog and hangs around his house. Like a dog? It gets dark. And he'll appear to the windows at night sometimes. Like a dog.

And I think we see like we see Bill at night coming out with like a little cup of milk and he like puts it on the window sill. Billy crawls over. Yeah. And then like he gets really drunk and passed out. Oh, wait, sorry. I was like, night quill for Billy. Right. I went old school folklore with it. Probably not milk.

But yeah, I guess, yeah, there's a, we see some images of like this relationship that Bill had with Billy, like this sort of old school folklore relationship where he would like leave offerings for Billy. Whoa, cool. Yeah. Billy is just like grumbly dirt bag baby boy. Yeah. And Bill got like older and older and Billy stayed the same age, but he kept leaving things for Billy. Yeah. It sounds like you were like full feral at that point, like sub verbal almost. Yeah. Yeah.

And then like just even the kindness of Bill like kind of brought you. There'd be things that would happen where Billy would be like exiled for long periods of time. But he would like, you know, hang around. Mm hmm. And Bill just like looks at Billy. You guys can see Bill is looking at Billy like very affectionately. Oh, yeah. Like an old dog that came back. Yeah, exactly. Years and years. Yeah. Yeah.

It kind of makes sense that wild Bill is like this like almost living legend then because it's like Billy's been like trading with him. So he's been becoming like more capable. Like he has a bunch of fairy blessings on him. Totally. That's true. Yeah. He's got a lot of luck on his side. Yeah, totally. Yeah. Which is why he can like traverse so far and do all these weird things and come back unscathed. Yeah. He's like a little fey in a way. Mm hmm. Yeah. Like step, fey. Yeah.

Billy is absolutely blasted right now. He's not doing much. He's being like, we all have secrets while Bill. We all do have secrets, Billy. More secrets that some of us even know. Sometimes I don't even know my own secrets. Sometimes I don't even know my own self. Yeah, Billy. What are your secrets? Oh, I'm going to sleep. We, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we gotta go. Bill, wake up. Bill, Bill.

Wait, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we gotta go. Bill, wake up. I was watching that. We just such an old man. Dad really got me. Every dad. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. Every Christmas there's a grandfather that falls asleep in her armchair and then wakes up says I was watching. My dad would fall asleep. He'd close his eyes on the couch. Snore. Snore. Snore. Snore. Snore. Snore. Snore. Snore. Snore. Snore. Snore. Snore. Snore. Snore. Snore. Snore.

Snore. Snore. Snore. Snore. Snore. Snore. Snore. Snore. Snore. Snore. Snore. Snore. Snore. Snore. Snore. Snore down and down and high spear. Wow. War down and high spear huh. Them long shanks. They're always getting in fights. They can't work together. Yeah. We I think we might have to go through the grey marsh. Oh. Where mother never was this. Where where mother never was is. Isn't that what she like lives in there? I mean if you believe that. Do you not? I've come to learn in my old age.

I've got a lot of things that people say and believe are based on fear and speculation. Okay. Maybe the marshes do change people, but maybe it's the experience of the marsh that changes someone and not a magical crone actually changing them, you know? Or maybe there is. If you had more that you wanted, you'd have to make a roll. I'll make a roll, yeah. I've had quite a lot of marijuana. Yeah, but that's what he's asking for is for me to roll him a joint.

You're gonna have to make a roll of some kind. You know what I mean. He ran out of weed is what happened. He starts tapping the bottom of his pipe. Yeah, well, that's pretty a role. So can I roll a joint for him? I can't tell. It's still about lore probably. Here we go. T.D. 6 plus intelligence. Smokin' a J. Nice. Okay, here we go, please. Please fucking God be a good roll. Well, you rolled it into a pile of shit, so you can't actually tell which one is five.

This one is one and this one is four. Oh no. And then I have a negative one. That's three or four. It's four. Yeah, what he kind of makes clear is that he doesn't necessarily believe in mother never was. Yeah. Cause this isn't like a historic figure. It is a myth. Right. Or like a local legend. Yeah.

And then he's like, you know, there are lots of things about the Everwood and the valley that I don't believe, but that I've seen and then I tell other people and they don't believe, you know, like this little gaffer here. Yeah. Lots of years I told people that there was a small immortal boy. And Billy is standing around whipping the sword around. And it's making so many jingling sounds. Yeah. And look at him. He's large as life.

We can see him like you're kind of like in the middle distance and you're doing a kata basically. The whole Star Wars kid trip over a pine cone. Oh geez. Okay. No, he's got it. But he gets the sword straight up in the air. Actually, that's a hard sell. I'm fine. Look at him. He's fine. He's a thumbs up. He's fine. Your mistakes are successes. I've spent, I'd say most of my life here in the Everwood Valley. What part of your life have you not spent here?

Oh, there was a brief time that I went up north for a little bit. I hit a ponouja for a bit of my youth. Went to some music festivals. Did a bit of kissing. Did a bit of kissing. Kissed a couple folks. So funny to me. But you know, turns out at the end of the day, it's not for me. Anyway, yeah, they weren't razor tusk. Oh, no, hold on. Or marijuana. I've only got one love in this life and her name is Mary Jane. Her name is Mary Jane and I also have an it's complicated with razor tusk.

This is a pain. I'm not, I'm not addressing this again. I'm not addressing the big in the room. People keep asking and I keep refusing to answer, which I think is what's leading them to ask more. The fact that people are asking it, I'm giving a reasonable answer is what's making people be like, he's hiding. What's going on with him? Anyway, you know, when I think about it, this world is big. Who's to say there is an imagine lady out there that can give you all your dreams?

False asleep with his eyes open eyes wide open. I contact with tuck you like he stopped you think he's about to say something. We all lean in. We have a way of my head in front of his face. Nothing. Vinc takes the joint out of his mouth. So, and then, and then in the distance you hear. We we. Oh, Jake. Big boggling. Vinc starts ringing the bells. Yeah. Everyone to their stations. He takes a bath of the weed and puts it in the dirt. Yeah.

He flakes the cherry out the end and puts it in his pocket. 2007. That should. I'll go move. I'm giving this. Does this one. Just a second. And you hear Jack high above. Cackling. Oh, fuck. What do you do? We clear out all the people into the. Oh, yeah. It's called dodge. Right. Dodge kneels down in that like a really tall animal where he goes like one leg, one leg, second leg, second leg. Yes. And everybody piles on and Vinc shoves all the food that's not cooked already up his ass.

And then he puts it back and do his corn and holocopia. Yeah. And then the key keep because it's important. They're going to need this in the following days. Yeah. The corn hole puckers a little bit to hold everything in. Yes. I'm saying. Relax. But no, he says put it in my butt. Into me. He says. Inside me. All like the woven like straw of the corn. Copially. The red tan. Yeah. Two pantry doors behind me. And he gets back up to his feet.

This is all that is left of the wealth of the halfling lands lives in your butt now. I will take this honor seriously. What now shall I do escape to safety cross the Wittershins. They cannot make the journey. This shall be your final request from here on out. He a little like clack, clack, clack, like hand emerges and he grips yours in a predator high five. I'm going to miss you. I shall miss you as well spirit walker. Just know that your form may go, but your spirit remains tied to this land.

You have done a very good thing for these people here. You have done a good thing for the spirits. It is the least I can do to repay your kindness and guidance. And then a third hand comes in. Because Chuck feels left out. We're doing a thing here. And it took like grabs. And we are doing our body. All three of us. We're all doing our good friends. Feeling it in here. Thing. Thing complete. It's cool. It's cool to not feel left out of the face. Yeah, like when I'm part of the game.

And dodge nods his head rattling with a wealth of beautiful mid century antiques. His horns are filled with halflings riding. Yeah, gripping tight. And he turns and he begins to lope for the country. Yeah, very good. Some people don't get whipped off slowly, but assuredly immediately heads for the river. And the people, the innocent people of Lontry Hill are safe, leaving only those ready for battle. There's just a crowzating. And I guess a loose rubber cage full of spherical halfling guards.

Oh yeah. The guards. Let us out. We can help. Yeah, they actually do start saying we can fight. We can fight. You leave us to certain death upon each other's backs like this. How do I know I can trust you though? We have seen the error of our ways. Have you really? Yes, the sense of a feast we could not partake in reminded us of the importance of community. Can I use deathless on them to like threaten them into not leaving? Yeah, totally read deathless.

You know your end and this knowledge echoes through time. Your enemies can see death on you when you enter a fight knowing your death will not come rule plus wisdom on a hit your phoser dismayed and take plus one ongoing against them as written. I think this would be more you like preparing for the fight at large. Okay. Them seeing that and being like, okay, don't fuck with this guy. You can't betray him. He will kill us and he is immortal. Yes. Yeah. Okay, so go ahead and roll it. That's eight.

Okay. All right. So on a seven to nine, my enemies are dismayed and I take plus one ongoing against them. Okay. So let's describe the scene. We see lone tree hill. The barricades dismantled. Yeah. The crows preparing for battle arming themselves. The tusk is fixed. Yes. Wivering in the one direction. The smoke bats and birds carrying sense far and wide swirl around in a great whirlwind. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Around the city. Oh, yeah. They're vultures now. That's so cool.

They're all getting everyone very high. Everyone is blasting. And on the hill in front of you across this muddy, muddy wasteland, pigs, hogs, mighty pork, rise above the horizon. The worms at our feet are coming out of the ground. Oh, is excited by the vibrations of the horde. Oh, cool. And then to your right, to your left, behind you, more pigs. Oh, shit. The smells went far and wide. And the hogs of the hogpocalypse answered. Billy does the speech from Lord of the Rings before the fight.

What is a good one said? An hour of pigs and shattered shields on the age of halflings comes crashing down. Yes. It is not this day. This day we fight. By all that you hold dear on this good earth, I bid you stand crows of the halfling lands. By all the pies and the mashed potatoes. Tonight we feast. Tonight we feast. No. Tonight we feast in her. It turns to 300. Holy shit. And they all start like, yeah, like stomping their feet. Yeah. Banging their swords on their shields. It turns it to 300.

We're in 300. Yeah. 300 above 300. Oh my God. Above you on the hillside, the pig ranks open and thundering into the center of the mass. A mighty hog. The last glimmers of the setting sun glint off armor, ancient and burnished. One tusk gone fully shorn off his face. Razor tusk. The war pig. And rose gathard in their massive. Baba. The last, the last of the bombs that I made. Shatters and it's that. It is black Sabbath. Awesome. Oh yeah, I turned it up, baby. Lumbering to the front of the board.

Sick. See like the like all of the arcane runes carved into his and as like the kind of the light disappears, you could see they're still glowing with arcane energy. Whoa. Like carved into his armor. There's a drop. So keep going. Keep describing stuff guys. Yeah. The light emits from all the runes and it burns into Billy's eyes as he sees all the ancient words of his people. As he is, as the tusk is focused on where he is, he is focused on the tusk.

It has called him home and it wants to be rejoined with his magic armor. Yeah. They start, he starts galloping. Oh yeah. Yeah. The pigs start ambling forward. And tusk starts to hulk run. Boop, boop, boop. Across the face. Toowoow. Yeah. Toowoow. And then halflings the crows all cheer and charge forward. Toowoow. Toowoow. And I think that's where we're going to end it for this week. I've been your game master, Shano here. Joining me is always playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian Abdul Aziz.

So like everybody playing Ving the Half Elf Druid Paul Hoppers. Take care. Playing family, the Halfling Thief, Jessica Ty. Goodbye. Thank you to all of you, our supporters out there, for supporting us on Patreon. Without you, this show simply would not be possible. We've made a bunch of big announcements recently. Oh yeah. I think by this point you would have heard them. We record the episodes quite a ways ahead. By this point, I think it's been at least two weeks in advance. At least two weeks.

But by this point, you've probably heard. Yeah. So you know that we've got a lot of stuff coming up. We've got mallbrats coming out every two weeks on Fable and Folly, which we are now a part of. Yeah, so exciting. It's all in the announcement. You can listen to that. We don't have to recount it all here. Go back and listen to the announcement. I think it's important. Not everybody wants to go listen to an announcement. We really need you to listen to those announcements. Really bad. We have to.

Paul, you got to listen to the announcement. I thought we were making our own network. We, uh, yeah. So what am I going to do with all these posters? This pair of underwear I made. It's the shape of our podcast. The shape of what aspect of it. You answered your own question. No, the aspect. So go check that out. We've got a lot of stuff coming up this year, especially this summer. So we're very excited. You'll hear about our brand new show, the one coming after Spelt lore. Yeah.

That's very exciting. Pretty big. So just go and check us out on Patreon. This is support is huge and means so much to us and means that one day, hopefully soon, we'll be able to do this full time because something that we reiterate in the announcement that I think is very important to know is for the entirety of the show, we've all been working full time jobs. At least full time. At least full time. At least full time. At least full time. Sometimes multiple time jobs.

A lot of the times I work 60 hours a week at my normal job. Yeah. Jessica has a cocaine habit that we have not talked about. It's very expensive. And we're all contributing to it. So if you also could contribute to it, enable us to enable her legally and truthfully that is not real. We are enablers. That's true. The only habit. The only habit. And just doesn't have a cocaine habit, obviously. No, it's obviously a duel. Obviously it's a duel. Yeah, it's obviously a duel. Obviously. I have.

Why doesn't sleep until he sleeps? Who hates you? Yeah. And looks good. Yeah. But she's a reason of the story. You're skin. It does. It does. I don't actually know which one it is. I think it's the one that goes up the note. Yes. All right. So check out the announcement. Support us on Patreon. Get access to a bunch of bonus stuff, including some game test sessions for systems that we're thinking of using for the next game. And thank you to Aaron Reed for our intro now, Tron Music.

You can find Aaron on bandcamp.com and all of the music produced for the show on Spotify. Lots of places. Yes. Spotify, YouTube music, Apple music. It's everywhere. And check us out on social media. We've been making a real push lately. So support us there. Follow, share, all that stuff. And most of all, thank you to all of you for listening. We'll see you next time. And so ends the tale of adventures. Three who tried the best they can. The dumb and scared and lost they'd be.

For times are breast in revelry. And though our journey may be like a conclusion, we will not leave you without a resolution. Turn next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores. And for you I gladly spout long.

Now the round friends let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold A brooded droid and a thief who is for nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deep Their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck as the brooch, you know Zadda's home, you lost your sing and find Fingers at the healthy, shifts his shape and wields his me with great mind The early Zithith is tiny sized as mass the largest heart Best in rest, they may not be but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends and listen close For the tales about Distour Hello everybody and welcome Paul and I just finished our vocal warmups And we are here for spout lore My throat is feeling open and loose But taught enough to say the things I need to say Hot, hot Come horse, come horse Sean, show me how loose your throat is or is it?

I said what I said and I said it in a non-sexual way And that's exactly how we heard it Hello everybody and welcome to spout lore I'm your Game Master Sean O'Hara Joining me is always playing to combadom the barbarian of dual disease Hello everybody, I got a tight ass throat For the tight ass throat in the game Alright, playing Vinc, Felf drew at Paul Oppers Hey everybody, let me tell you about my tight throat ass Ok, and playing Fably the Halfling Thief just guitar My throat is totally normal I will not comment on it It's just texting I don't want texting playing solitaire We're used to doing drawings I know Whoa, what the fuck?

You used to do drawings What do you mean?

That came with so much shade You're so much, you used to do drawings Yeah, you don't do anything now No, it's solitaire You don't even doing it right But they're playing free cell The vibe of this is so like The three of us are absolutely disgusting boys And just like, I'm just gonna wait until they're done I'm not responding to this Fair enough, fair enough When last we left our heroes They arrived at the Fortress of Lone Tree Hill Dominion of Jack, the Pumpkin King Jessica just won it free cell Congratulations I feel a lot better Feel great Alright, so now would you like to comment on the state of your throat?

So loose and conversational The party arrived at Lone Tree Hill The Fortress of Jack, the Pumpkin King They continued their plan which was to put on A play slash wrestling match In an attempt to distract the Pumpkin King and his guard forces Long enough for the crows and wild bill to infiltrate the fortress The play continued Some wrestling happened The crows Enacted their plan Stealthily taking out all of the guards in Lone Tree Hill While this play, what are some highlights from the play that we can recall?

Tuckeded PvP up for the first time ever That's true, Tuck hit Ving with a folding chair After he was blinded and deafened by an exploding music bottle Ving got worked pretty good throughout this play And the Pumpkin King at the very end was offered a blade To take part in the finale of the play And you were able to get him down with some rousing cheers of Pumpkin King Pumpkin King And the fortress was fully secured by the crows The pile of food in the middle of town The stockpile was distributed and turned into a great feast Which would be used to attract the pigs Tuck took down the walls The party hoisted the Pumpkin King by his own patar'd And put him in a little pepouse on top of a flagpole Hoisted by his own pepouse In which he was accosted or threatened by the crow That keeps flying around and killing doves for no reason Ving and the party spoke to Armand, a young halfling Who gave them some information on an elderly halfling woman Said to live on the edges of the Everwood and the Wittershins and Sunwise Rivers Called Nana?

Called Nana, that is just called Nana by everyone Who collects things from the river and is said to have emerged from the river herself Ah, cool, cool Yeah, Ving then summoned a bunch of spirits of air Which took the form of bats, birds and the like And carried sense of cooking food from the stockpile All across the Everwood Valley to attract razor tusk and his hordes Mm-hmm Oh, we had a little insight into Billy and Bill's past In which since childhood while Bill has been feeding Billy, leaving offerings for him And receiving blessings in his kind Very cool Which in turn has turned him into a lucky adventurer Yeah, he has survived this long by his luck Yeah And then as the sun set, the hordes of hogs arrived and at their head Razor tusk, the war pig And that is where we find our heroes now Charging a formation of furious pigs with razor tusk at the head of the charge What do you do?

Ving has coordinated a bunch of the pieces of the wall And has little pikes, so they're running along They have like, battering rams Oh, yeah With a bunch of halflings on either side Cool To make them more formitable Awesome Like a barricade I was thinking more like a log jam Oh, yeah, okay But I can maybe the logs were bigger than them. So they're like holding onto pieces of wood on their other side. Like they're carrying a battery around. That's both pictures.

With different antlers and horns and some of them are on fire at the front. Hell yeah. OK, so Ving is running along a line of halflings with makeshift war engines, basically. What's Tuck doing? He's out ahead. He's running so fast. Oh yeah. He like started Hulk running as soon as he saw razor tusk. OK, what's Billy doing? Billy's gone into one of the houses. And a lot of the grannies and grandpas in the village store a lot of medicinal stuff. One of them is fermented onion juice.

So he grabbed canisters of that. And he's running into the front and hurling them. And it's releasing this onion-y tear gas. Oh, your gas. Certain move. That's sick. That's a very smart move. So last episode, Tuck rolled deathless. Deathless, yeah. To dismay his foes. So you do get a plus one forward. Yeah. Is it ongoing or something? It's ongoing. Plus one ongoing. That was dumb of me. And I imagine the charge is what is doing this. Yeah. OK, who were we resolving first?

I guess the gas makes sense to resolve first. Sure. The onion, onion, vapor. Yeah. So go ahead and roll 2D6 plus dexterity. I guess we're volley. 10. Oh, damn. OK. So with a 10 on your volley, Billy just hurls some jars of fermented onion juice into the front of the charging pigs, which shatters. And as they charge through the cloud, even a few rows back, people are like, ugh. They start closing their eyes and watering.

And the pigs that charge through get a snoutful and start squealing as they charge through. And they're reeling back and tumbling over each other? Yeah. And the ones that do come through come through disoriented. Their eyes are closed. They don't even see what they're charging at anymore. Cool. I will say razor tusk seems unaffected. He just plows through this cloud. When he breathes it in, the runes on his armor like glow for a second. And then he seems fine. Yeah.

And then he just like snorfs it out. Yeah. Yeah. He farts it out. Yeah. I was going to try and make it a cool image, but it's got to be a fart, unfortunately. Ving, your halflings with their makeshift barricade. I'm going to fight with honor, rule plus con for some Q. And just let the halflings deal with the barricade on their own. Yeah. He's kind of leading by example. He's going to be like Tom Hanks and Zimprever and leading people in the war. Right. Yeah. Fight from the front. Yeah. Yeah.

Or lead from the front. Oh, yeah. I got five. Oh, fuck. OK. Big fat fail. OK. Big fat fail for Paul. I got one cheese still, but the enemies have the jump on me. OK. So I think it's like you are trying to lead from the front. So you're like, move this up here. Like, get back. Like, you're still calling things out. As the horde reaches you and you just barely have enough time to get your footing underneath you as they hit you like a truck. Whoa.

What do you do to defend yourself as they start bowling you over? I'm going to try and get above them. So I'd like to call upon some aerial help. I would like to summon my call of nature and summon some some birds. I would say that you do need to address the immediate danger of pigs on you right now. OK. What's my leap? I'm going to leap over across a physical obstacle. Yeah. Like, basically, you've got that super reaction timing where they hit you, but you just jump, like leap right over them.

So you expend your chief for this fight by leaping out of the way of this danger and then summon birds. Yeah. I'll summon some birds. Yeah. You're basically like, anime style, like leaping into the air twisting, coming to a stop and summoning the birds as you come back down. So go ahead and roll call of nature. 11. OK. At 10 plus, I get two requests plus my eager beaver. So I got three requests. Hell yeah. So you summon a flock of birds. The crows. The crows from the spirit world.

Crows from the spirit world. Yeah. Which come in the form of many crows. Oh, crows in the spirit world are just regular crows. That's sick. I actually do really like that. It comes in. It looks like a giant crow. It almost looks like coming through the sky up behind him. Maybe somebody sees and thinks, oh, my word. Cloud piercer is here. And then oh, my word. It was oh, my word. That made me laugh. Oh, my word. Oh, my word. Oh, my word. But we don't say my word. Fancy boy. Oh, sorry. I say.

Sorry, guys, I'll do you do that. So you guys see this giant bird and somebody turns and says, OMG. It's a big bird. And then the bird, the giant bird, breaks into a huge murder of crows. Yeah. I'll just move down and pick up Ving. Hell yeah. OK, so they're picking you up. Yeah, so now you're up in the air. Yeah, I'm like, I have a crow body around me, made out of crows. OK, cool. So we'll call that spending one request. One request I have two left. So now you are aerial. Great. So sick. Yeah.

I'm going to do the thing when I fly over top of them. And shoot crows at them. Shoot crows. Crows just firing at like two. So scary though? Being pecked. Oh, yeah. Yeah, cool. You got that thing. Yeah. Yeah, the thing that happens. Well, you shoot out crows. But we'll cut to tuck for a sec. While Ving begins soaring through the skies, the pigs disoriented by the onion vapor rampaging around. Yeah. But tuck, you are coming face to face with razor tuck. With razor tuck. He is huge.

I would say at the shoulder, he like comes up to your shoulder almost. He's yeah, I think he's like an elephant almost in size. Yeah, yeah. Like rhino size maybe. So cute. Yeah. OK, tuck is going to do a war cry. And his war cry is running up to razor tusk and punching him in the head as hard as he can. All right, 2d6 plus. Yeah, charisma. OK, here we go. Yeah. You razor tusk nine. So you get to choose one or the other. Your enemy's still fear. Oh, yeah. Shoot a crow at him.

Shoot him with a crow. He does come on with a big car to draw his eye so he doesn't see your big fist coming. Totally. Yeah. 2d6 plus bond. I got five. OK, there it works. OK, shoot me with the crow. Don't wait, wait, wait, wait. Maybe. Oh, I think your failure might be that you're trying to get the spirit crows to help tuck. And it's going to cost you a request. Oh, what? You keep like missing razor tusk. The birds are clanging off his armor.

So you fire enough birds at this pig that your grasp on the spirit's service. Yeah, well, because they're starting to be like, hey, he's just throwing us at him. Yeah, this doesn't seem like we're helping. I don't want to carry him around anymore. It sucks. But regardless, tuck charges through the cloud of spiraling ricocheting crows. Oh, yeah, that's cool. Like, there's a cloud of crows that are around razor tusk that are distracting him.

And then, like, through the cloud of crows, tuck, like, does the jump. So many drawers. Punch. Yeah. And it's like he punches so hard, his head goes straight into the ground. Yeah. And he, like, skids along the ground and has to, like, scatter his legs to try and get back up. Yeah. They're all the hacking slash as well for the punch. No, I think the punch is the worker. Fuck. OK. So which option are you choosing? But allies take plus one forward.

So the halflings are emboldened by this, absolutely. They see tuck. Make razor tusk falter. He bleeds. Yeah. Whoa. Yeah, there's, like, blood dribbling out of his pig mouth. Yeah. Billy, you've thrown your onion juice. Where is Billy, like, staying back? Or is he running forward? Running forward, he's picked up the broken bottles and he's wielding them, like, little weapons. Sick. Whoa. Cool. Super sick. OK, so you're running into the pig crowd? Yeah, pig pin. Yeah. Pig, pig pocalypse.

Yeah, I like it. So Billy, are you letting tuck like handle razor tusk and you're dealing with, like, a group of the hogs themselves? Yeah, with a couple rowdy ones. Rowdy ones? Well, like rowdy, like, they seem, like, really insistent. Like, it's tucking pigs. It's a tucking pig. To beat up people. I don't know what pigs do. They do this. They're rowdy ones. They want to beat people up. We are the rowdy ones. That's what they say. That's what they're saying to each other.

They're like, you and me, bro, we're the rowdy ones. OK, Billy runs forward into the rowdy pigs and begins to slash away with his bottles. Yeah, get away, you little piglets. I don't know what it says. And the onion juice. It's spraying everywhere and it's stinging their cuts. Oh, yeah, they hate it. They're kicking and snorting, spitting all over the place. I want to aim for their snouts, though. Oh, yeah. Nice. OK, so hack and slash 2d6 plus strength. I got two. Holy shit. Plus one. Three.

That's three. That's three. That's not so good. Billy is going to get trampled by some pigs, I think. Yeah. So go ahead and roll a d6. Four. So you take four points of damage. Yeah. As the hooves just like rain down around you. Shit. Billy. Yeah, being from up high, you see Billy just go down. Damn very elastic. So I'm like pretty bouncy. Yeah. Yeah, but not eight points of damage bouncy. Yeah, it pulls up on the crows. Oh, yeah. Does a barrel roll back over? Swoops back over to Billy. So sick.

Yeah, you come arcing down like a comet made of crows. The splashes, crows splash up in the air. Yeah, totally. And all the crow, they're just flapping and pecking the pigs, which are freaking out. And I've gone and I've tied the tusk, the razor tusk, through my harpoon spear, rope through my saffron spear. So I have it like a rope dart that he can like swing around and kick towards things. So he's roped out with the magical armor. That's fucking rad. That's cool, man. So I'll come down.

I guess that's what, hack and slash with my weapon. That would be hack and slash. Yeah, for sure. OK. 2d6 plus strength. 10. So you deal your damage. And also you can open yourself up to damage from the pigs to deal an additional d6. I'll definitely do that. Nice. 8. 8 damage. OK. You basically stick around in the horde long enough to keep lashing out. Pigs are falling around you. OK, cool. But the horde is overwhelming. So roll a d6. 3. 3 damage.

You're whipping your razor tusk rope dart around just like cutting pigs down. Oh, yeah, that's sick. Yeah. But they do, they get a good couple kicks in. Tuck. Yes. And he's your tusk has pulled himself back up out of the mud. And he is shaking his armor off. There's just a great gout of mud that shakes into the air. And he's kind of like stepping around you. Yeah. But then you see him lift his head up and sniff a couple times. That shit. And turn towards Ving. Oh, no.

Right, because he smells delicious. Well, and he's got the horn. Oh, and I've got the thing. But both of those. Yeah. Tuck uses what are you waiting for? I put really danger. Yeah, I see Billy sitting next to Ving with a couple of broken cocktail onion bottles. Yeah. Slash with pigs. What did he have a sword like 20 minutes ago? It's sort of his kitty. Right here. Billy, Billy, draw your sword. I've got my sword drawn. Billy looks up and drops the bottles. And he takes those sword. He means.

So funny that he's like perfect weapons. Yeah. Finally, real weapons. This is a toy. This is a toy. There's a sword in the toy. So yeah, you see razor tusk starts to turn towards Ving and Billy. What do you do? Yeah, I do. What are you waiting for to get his attention back? Perfect use of this move. When you cry at a challenge to your enemies, roll plus con on a 10 plus they treat you like the most obvious threat to be dealt with. And you take plus two damage ongoing against them. Oh my god.

Wow. Yes. Tuck is huge. You're good at fighting, man. That's good. It's the only thing he's good at. I guess that's true. On a 7 to 9 only a few the weakest or most full hardy fall prey you're taunting. Yeah, when he sees razor tusk like put a bead on Ving because he smells delicious, tuck pulls some bacon out of his backpack. And he crunches on it. And he goes, I think this was your mom, dude. Oh my god. Oh my god. That's but yeah, I would be mad too. All right, two to six plus con.

She was hot as fuck. Yeah, two to six plus con. And you said your piece. I love one of the things that I love about tuck is that when he shit talks, he usually hits like a pretty solid line off the top. And then he does not let it lie. He keeps going to ruin it. Yeah, so it's 2d6 plus constitution for work, right? Yeah. Yeah. 15. Wait, 60 because I get a plus one already. Oh my god. This is the highest roll we've ever had. I think we've ever had it. That's it. Wow. I got box guys.

I got a plus three and I have a plus one. Wow. Yeah. Oh my god. OK. That actually was his mom. Yeah. That's so sad. It is so sad. That's horrible. That's not happening. No, it's not happening. That's what he says. This is not happening. So Razor Tusk, like, hears you bite down on the bacon and you see his pig ear under his helmet, like, turn. Oh. And then he turns his head. Oh god. I'm in this. This thing's huge, like so spooky. It's like a monster from the dawn of time. Yeah.

And you think that, yeah, this is like what humanity had to fight on Earth in the ice age. Yeah. This is how our ancestors got here was killing things like this. And you see a bunch of pigs start to turn towards you and start charging. And then you see the runes on his helm flare and the pigs turn away and continue down the charge. Sick. He told them to go away. Yeah. And he gets down low. Whoa. And he starts kicking his hoof. Tuck does the same thing. And he charges you. I charge him.

Well, cut to Billy. Billy. Oh, sure. You are surrounded by crows that are attacking pigs, which you are also surrounded by. And to your right, I imagine, is Vang. And halflings are tussling with pigs and crows, which don't seem to know who the enemy is anymore. The crows are like, all right, we're in it now. Let's start pecking, boys. Crows versus the world. And that's how it's always been. That's how it'll always be. That shitty crow is still at the top of the flag. Yeah.

Pull with the pumpkin king. Just pointing a dove into it and doing this, the finger across. But he's like the crows like picking, idly picking like pumpkin seeds and like flesh off the pumpkin. He's like, no, I think if I really get down to it, it all started with my mother. I just, that's the killing is the only thing that makes me feel anymore. And you hear Jack, you can see his mouth now because the crows eat in a lot of the mouth away. Because I know what you mean.

We cut back down at the bottom. Billy, what do you do? You are in the thick of it. I see razor tusk charging at tuck and I have one fairy child left. Oh, I would like to switch objects within view. Whoa. Okay, what are we thinking here? Is it possible to switch the armor? Not all of it. Okay. Because it is not one piece. Right. Could you take the other tusk? Oh my God. Or the helmet, because it seems to be the one that's controlling the pigs. Can I try to take the helmet? Sure. Yeah. Okay.

What are you switching it with? The bottle. I'm hoping. Okay. Yeah. Oh, okay. I do think you have to roll for this because you are trying to take off something somebody is wearing. Moving. And it's a magic light. And it's a magic light. And it's moving. Sure. So yeah, it'll be two to six plus charisma. Okay. Come on, come on, go ahead. Fuck. Seven. So here's what I think happens. You focus so hard on the helmet.

You're like, this is the only way I'm going to be able to help tuck from this distance. You're like, you close your eyes and you really focus your fairy powers. And then you are on Razor Tusk's head. That's fine. That's fine. That's fine. And where your child was is now a big metal helmet. And you see, you see Billy like on top of the pig that's charging around. It kind of works. It's fine. Gripping on like he's riding a fucking Bronco. Holy moly. Yeah. What the fuck? That's great. That's good.

I don't think the tucks are like, ah, whoa. Yeah, totally. Yeah. I think the second Razor Tusk feels his helmet's gone and you are on him. He freaks out. Yeah. He starts kicking around like a bowl in a rodeo. I grip on as hard as I can to his ears. All right, T.T.S. looks for strength. Nine. I mean, you could aid. How would I aid? I guess I could try and grab Razor Tusk. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, you could try and like get a handle on him. Yeah.

I see Billy appear on his head and his helmet disappear. And I was like, what? And then it goes from us charging to be being like, what? Your fist is still up. I like that. Because it's not even that you see the helmet disappear and Billy appear. It's just Billy is there now. And then Tuck immediately changes tactics as he sees like Razor Tusk start to go into like full rodeo. Yeah. And he like jumps and grabs him to try and like keep him from.

It's like grabbing the bottom of a fucking bucking ball. Yeah. It's like trying to save a rodeo rider by grabbing the ball. All right, T.T.S. 6 plus bond. Well, that's three plus one is four, I guess. OK. Dang. Dang. So you point. Yeah, you didn't fail. Yeah, it's true. No, you didn't. No, I failed. Yeah, you failed. No, no, no. Let me clear here. And I did take something away from ving for failing a bond. So what am I taking away from you? Like he would fucking destroy me.

He just kicked the shit out of you. Yeah, he just kicked the shit out of you. What's his damage? Is it like a d20 or something? No, it's high though. It's a d10. Here we go. 8. OK, 8 damage. How does it negate my armor? It sure does. Why? He's covered in magic armor. Like, you know, Razor Tusk starts kicking around. And then his tusk like gashes you across the chest. My gosh. LAUGHTER And you feel a pain you haven't felt in years where you're like, whoa, he fucking hurt me bad. Right.

Because I don't usually feel pain when I get hurt. Yeah, that's the oh, this is agonizing. Yeah. And it's funny because it probably hurts a lot because you just got gashed in the chest. But because tuck doesn't feel pain, it feels even more painful because you're not used to it. Yeah. Yeah. So there's just like a spray of blood as you get cut across the chest. Oh, yeah. And take 8 damage. Oh, no, it's all my balls. Tuck tuck tuck tuck tuck. And then tuck hears you say that. Yeah.

He wants to say no, it's not. But then he's like, cut it as his fault. It's all very same. I think this 7 to 9 for Billy after this failure is tuck gets cut bad. And Razor Tusk just starts rampaging around, trying to get Billy off his head. And like gets away from tuck. Like you would have to. Oh, fuck. He still wants to fight you. But now he's dealing with another thing. Yeah. So you'll have to chase him down if you want to get a hold on him. Fuck.

But Billy, you are being whipped around by this pig. You've got a pretty tight hold on his ears as he spins around. Your world is nothing but mud pigs and pain. Vang, you're in it. Yeah. Surrounded by foes. And started by the helmet. I want to pick it up and put it on. Oh, cool. Interesting. So sick. I'm going to try and control these pigs. OK. You're part wizard. I am. What? Do you? Wow. OK, so first off, it's a helmet for a big pig. So it's not going to fit you exactly.

I can shape shift your head to the hogs head. You can't physically shape shift anymore. Can I just borrow one of the other pigs heads? No. Slice the pig's head off and then you push your head into it. The guys I figured it out. I mean, OK. So five minutes. Just doing the most brutal luxury. Oh, scooping. Scooping. I've got a hollow now. These things do have big brains. So I think what's happening is you're trying. Like, you feel that it's not quite. It's not made for you. Yeah.

But you can feel something. So you like reach out somehow. OK. Should I rule plus wisdom? Yeah, plus wisdom works too. Six plus wisdom. Does it mutate like the metal of the helmet? I guess we'll see, depending on how this goes. 10. Fuck yes. OK, so what? We're going to win because it has a bit of a. We actually win this one. You've never said that at our point before. That's so sick. We win all the fights. That's so invested in this one. OK, I think because you guys said it and it's cool.

And there's no reason for me not to do this. I think you like, yeah, you reach out with your mind and the metal almost like senses a thinking mind. I have the task. And you have the task. It's like already like it knows it's familiar. There's a part of it that's here. And that I've been I've been with it. So it recognizes me as a holder of a piece of that magical armor. And you did a communion of whispers with the tusk. Oh, that's how it is. Yeah.

So you feel this connection that you remember from when you commune. And I liked it. The tusk in my on the end of my string was like playing and it goes right in the middle like a unicorn. Cool as the metal like flows and shapes around your skull. So cool. I look like cool, McNeadle and unicorn. Yeah. McNeadle. McNeadle. McNeadle. All right. We're introducing the new McDonald's characters today. We've got McNeadle. He controls French fries. He is the sworn enemy of Mayor McCheese.

Who now has psychic powers. It is tired of how the burger people have been treated by the government case. Generally, this is a comic book that should be missed. 100% yeah. So the one thing that you notice as this metal flows around you, you feel this like magical connection between you and the armor. And then you remember as it's flowing around you, the problem that razor tusk faced was that he was sealed inside it as you feel the metal like form under your chin.

And like latch like a collar around your neck. Holy shit. Some of the iron that's in my skin starts changing into runes too. Oh. Like the runes in my skin are like being pushed out onto scales of armor. Whoa. So there's like integrated metal plates in your arm now. Buck. Yikes. That's pretty sick. That's really cool and also spooky implications.

But he stands up really slow in the middle of this crows and pig chaos and then just like, kind of like Neo's stop, just puts his hands up and the pigs just stop. At least momentarily. There is a pause in the storm. The war is over. The fight is done. We won. John, did you not hear his cool description? He said it was like Neo. But there is like for a for a cooler reference than Neo. But for a second, there's silence. Tuck. Razor tusk is the only thing that is making noise right now.

As he rampages around, Billy is getting whipped back and forth. On the head of the pig. What do you do? I go, Billy, you're not tall enough for that ride. And I take TLC and I throw it at razor tusk. Trying to like slice the other tusk off. Oh, yeah. Like in my head, I'm just going to cut the armor off one at a time. A billie's on his head though. Yeah. OK, I'm around. Yeah. It's like I have never missed anything in the history of the podcast. 2d6 plus dexterity. Holy shit. That's. Oh, God.

That's really bad. That's bad. That's poor. Exterity. Pretty cool. Pretty cool. Yes. That's straight up five. Razor tusk is doing that kick spin like a horse does, where he's just kicking back and forth and spinning in a circle. And as you you line up the throw, you do that thing where you close when I and you stick your tongue out and you're like, this full overhead swing.

You don't hit Billy because razor tusk like you see the armor flash like the runes on his body armor flash and he spins around and like blocks it with his shoulder. Shit. And the axe goes skittering through the air. It's like he's got iron man armor on. Yeah. But the axe goes a long way. No. You see TLC just go. Oh, shit. And then splash in the mud somewhere. Shit. Yeah. Billy. Yes. You are still in this for the ride. What do you do? I want to try to drive my sword through his head. OK.

So actually, since he's still in rodeo mode, you're going to have to roll a defy danger first, I think, to even. Sure. To pull down by one hand. So strength, I guess. Seven. OK. Seven and nine. If you want to make this attack, it will be the last thing that you'll be able to do on the back of the laser. I'm willing to risk it. 2d6 plus strength for hack and slash. OK. Nine. Can I aid with the magical use of the armor? Because of time to his armor. Oh, yeah. Maybe you can.

Maybe he's is there some sort of thing that Ving's body is like they're like making the same motioning? I don't know. What's your idea of this magical armor? I feel like this armor has to work as one. Did we talk about this last time? I feel like I mentioned that like what the idea of the armor was. Well, tell us again. It is designed for the war pigs to work in concert with their rider, but also to work in concert with the other pigs. Ving's kind of like the rider at this point. Yeah, totally.

So I think you could potentially influence razor tusk. I don't think the helmet controls the armor, though. You know what I mean? No, that's fair. So Ving's going to try and reach out and get him to calm to at least give Billy a better chance of like getting to slow down totally. Calm him a little bit. Ooh, he's having a dance. Six. Didn't talk, try and aid an aid. How? By yelling to Ving that Billy's in trouble. OK. Yeah. Yeah.

Because I think as soon as I lost the axe and got stabbed and then like he took off, I would have been like, Ving, Billy's on Fraser tusk. That is six, so I failed. No way, but I have plus one ongoing. Does this work? Plus one ongoing is only with rider tusks. OK. Yeah, so I failed. OK. So Billy still gets to do his hack and slash, but he just also takes damage. Yeah. That's fine. OK. So roll your damage. Three. Oh, pathetic. Pathetic.

And I think because you are trying to get him in an unarmored spot, his armor does not apply, thankfully. So you dig your sword into him, dealing him three damage. And he basically like soccer kicks you like he throws you off of him and then kicks back while you're in. Oh, and you're going to you're going to take. Oh, God, so much damage. Five. OK, so five. So he just wails on you in the air and you sail into the mud, hitting like a little meteor. Owie. OK, so two failures.

What do we think your guys's failures are? We try the attention of the other pigs. Yeah, I think the moment is passed where Ving had like the surprise angle on them. Oh, maybe because he tried to like direct some of like the armor stuff. Oh, you broke your connection with the pigs. The right to try to reach out to the head of the pigs. Yeah. So the fight kicks back off really quickly. And they smell how good you smell. Jekyll or noir. Are you specifically smelling good to these pigs? Yeah.

You remember the spirit thing that he tried to do made him smell really good. Ving, the pigs turn to you, rage in their eyes and hunger in their eyes too. And they all like surge towards you. And I suppose they deal you this damage. So roll a D6. 8 minus 3, so minus 5. I will say that we have not dealt damage to any of these payhorns yet, have we? The halflings are fighting the pigs too. And I guess they would be technically dealing them damage. Yeah. And some of the halflings are dying too.

Yeah, totally dying. You brought it up. It's a fight. Is there a fight? Right. I guess we wild Bill. Yeah. Wild Bill has like, what does he fight with? A rifle. A rifle. A gun. Oh, yeah. Like those Western guns. These two six shooters. Maybe he's got a crossbow. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, crossbow. Great. Two little mini crossbows. Two little mini crossbows. And then wrist mounted crossbows too. And then also wrist mounted crossbows. And then crossbows on his knees. Oh, he crossbows.

And a head mounted cross. Yeah, one big one on his back. Yeah, for when he falls down. He bends forward and shoots like a cannon. Like Boba Fett. He's like a mech suit. Yeah. OK, you know what? We don't realize it because he wears such flowing clothes. Totally. So he's got two hand crossbows. And then he has like racks of bolts that he wears on his side. Oh, I like that. He shoots. And then he like clack. Clack loads. So sick. Click down his side. And then he loads it. They're so cool. Yeah.

So he's he's doing OK. You see him. He turns and he just ices a pig. It's John Wick style. Like yeah. Headshot only. I do John Wick is so funny. He's it's like he's the only man in the world that realized you can shoot someone in the head and kill them right away. And everyone else is like, is he allowed to just shoot us in the head? We keep shooting him in his bulletproof suit. Shoot him in the head. But he like, you know, gets battered by a pig that comes in behind the one he shoots.

You see is like one of his crossbows gets knocked out of his hand. He does a cool roll comes up shoots a pig. So sick. And you do see how crows are going down, but pigs are going down to somebody roll a D six for me. I got it. OK. Two. So that too is enough that two of the groups of pigs have had their number reduced to the point where they only do two additional damage. OK. So two of the groups have been weakened, but the halflings have lost a couple of their number. OK. OK, so. Tuck. Yeah.

What is your failure here? What was the thing that just happened to me? I tried to tackle him. He gashed me across the chest like bleeding. You got to sheet of blood coming to the chest through the axe. That's gone gone and then raise your test football, kick Billy. And you failed in the aid. That's what it was. Right. So maybe the failure here is that razor tusks. You have become so little of a threat to him that he is no longer focused on you. But you lost your work, right thing?

Yeah, like you've like you have lost his interest almost. OK. It looks like he's shaking his head free of some heightened emotional state. And you see him look at Ving as well and start trundling trying to pick up speed. And he's going for Ving now? He's going for Ving. You see him. Snort pig sound delicious. OK, so I've lost the axe. Billy's in the wind. Yeah. He and the guy is going for Ving, who is now also being mobbed by pigs. Yeah.

I think Tuck runs and tries to catch up with razor tusks and grab him by the armor on the back of his hide. Yeah. Like on his ass, tries to grab his ass. You're trying to grab his giant pigs ass. And yeah, he just wants to basically pull him back and whip him away. Yeah. Yeah. OK, so 2d6 plus strength. OK. 11. OK. Yeah. So you just grab onto this pig. Yeah. Haul him back. Like he's running. Yeah. And then he feels himself stop and start moving backwards. Yeah, it's like, oh, like it goes.

The shock goes back out into a wide. And you don't know why it's happening. And then it's like when Captain America got the helicopter. I was just thinking about that. Yeah. I see that. It's slow. It's kind of slow money. He's like, oh, his muscles are flexing. So hot. Yeah, man. It's so cool. VC's is like, oh, as you're being destroyed by another horse. His head just pops up a bunch of things. Like, whoa. Yeah. And he wants to take razor tusk by the back armor. And just like throw him back.

Yeah. To like put himself between razor tusk and big. Totally. Yeah. And that works. You pull this pig back and he stumbles, falls, and is like, hurled a good couple meters and just rolls in the mud. And starts getting back to his feet. He's got a lot of false starts in this fight. Yeah, he's probably getting pretty pissed off. Yeah. And he pisses him off even more. He goes clumsy bitch. He's just crying. Billy. Yeah. Your mouth and eyes and ears and nose are full of mud. They are.

Your world is mud. What do you do? I hate it. I hate it. Billy starts crying. I hate this. I hate living in the mud. I hate being a little muddy boy. This is why you left. Yeah. This is why I left. Very familiar taste. Like the Billy left during the last talk apocalypse is like part of his backstory. He's like, I can't do this anymore. He wipes all the mud. Like a kid wipes their like nose and face. Like in the back of his arm. Revealing his face before that it was just mud.

He wipes off a streak of his face. He's just mad now. He's like a grumpy little boy. Mad. So he takes a sore knee starts like stomping towards razor tusk. Oh. He wants a hack and slash. OK. Billy's just storming across the mud. Billy, it feels like you got thrown a million miles. OK, well, I hack and slash all the pigs as I walk towards razor tusk. Oh, yeah. Totally. Yeah, it's cool. Hack and slash as you walk through this horde of pigs. Yeah. Eight. Eight. OK, so you deal your damage.

Billy's in murder mode. Murder mode murder. Four. Four. OK, you like cut down a pig if you so choose. You. Well, sorry. I'll do it. OK, yeah, you just whip your sword out. Yeah, pig squeals goes down in the mud, reducing one of the horde significantly. And you just keep stalking past. Yeah. Ving, you see Billy like just hack a pig. Oh, my God. Blood sprays and Billy just walks past. You see him dragging his sword through the mud. Holy shit. Oh, he's so grumpy. He's cute when he's grumpy.

Look at him doing that Gears of War like sword drag. Totally. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Somebody comes in close. He's just like, smash. Yeah. And you keep walking. You see tuck like squaring up with razor tusk. Come up beside him. Yeah. Yeah, sick. You look down tucking, you see Billy standing in the mud with a sword covered in pig blood. OK, buddy. Yeah, I'm just mad. I'm a bad guy now. I'm going to be a bad guy for the next little bit. Tuck, I don't want you to be scared, but I'm a bad guy for now.

Like, this is going to be really scary. I'm about to be really bad. Like when Billy goes full murder mode, like he gives us a heads up. Yeah. I haven't done this in a long time. Yeah. Before we were like, you know, Billy, it scares us a little bit when you go into really bad guys. So now you start warning us. That's really nice. I'm about to be a really bad guy. So tuck, Billy, you're squaring up. Who leads this? Who steps first? I shoot first. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's classic.

Yeah, razor tusk starts charging. And your reaction time is like, nope. Too fast. So what are you doing? Just swinging my sword around. So hack and slash 2D6 bus strength. OK, nine. OK. Would you like to aid me? Yes. Yes, right. How are you? How are you aiding, Billy? Tuck like shoulder checks him in the head to knock him to the ground to give you advantage on the attack. Nice. The attack. Yeah, that's 11.

OK, so Billy, you get a 10, which means you can deal your damage and also open yourself up to danger if you want to deal in a digital decent. I will do it. Cool. Who is in bad guy mode? Bad guy mode. You're being a bad guy. Eight. OK, so this is kind of like a stand up fight for a second. Yeah. Like the three of you are within two feet of each other. Yeah. Just not to do the Marvel thing again. But Captain America and Bucky versus Iron Man. Totally. They're like, just bam, bam.

And like Billy just slashes and tuck hits him. And the pig pushes you both back. And then you both come back in. Totally. Yeah. So after I check him, Billy slashes and I see it connect, tuck like punches him as hard as he can in his side. And then tries to get his hand behind one of the plates of armor to pull it off. Oh, OK. Yeah. Are you doing this with a move? Because remember, this armor is like magically resilient. I have the lie. Yeah, what's the lie?

When you leverage your fundamental lack of truth to overcome a magical or metaphysical danger role plus constitution on a 10 plus, you ignore the effect completely. On a seven to nine, ignore the immediate danger, but choose one from below. Negative one ongoing until the threat is dealt with, suffer D10 damage. Wow, that's a lot. The threat in dangers and ally. So yeah, I could use the lie to basically like treat like a regular armor, mitigate the magical effects of his armor. It's cool. Yeah.

Which could be a huge way to end the fight. Yeah. Because if this armor means that he is able to coordinate these pigs, you remember we've seen in the hogpocalypse so far when a pig is like sufficiently damaged, it just leaves. Yeah. Like it's like something changes and it's like a pig again. Yeah. Instead of a soldier in razor tusks hoard. Totally. Interesting. OK, so sorry, it's two to six plus what? Plus con plus con, two to six plus constitution. We've got pray for me guys. Is 12. Yeah.

OK, so that means metaphysically to tuck this armor is just regular armor. Nice. Which means that if you were to roll another move, you could potentially remove it. Oh, I can't just remove it now. No, it is overcoming the effect of the armor, which is cool. That's cool. OK. So we're going to cut back to Ving. Fuck. OK. OK. Ving, your family is up there slugging it out with razor tusk. You are absolutely like, halflings are going down around you. Bill has just one of his hand.

He like pushes his way past a couple of dead pigs, and he's just covered in blood and mud. And he's got one crossbow in his hand. He goes, get up there, son. Click, click. I'll hold him off. That's so cool. Holy shit. Wow. He's like there's like a wound in his stomach. Yeah. He's holding. Oh, yeah, he's bleeding a lot. Yeah. Ving reaches out his hand to like touch his hand, and then it goes past him, and he corrects his eyebrow. You look really cool. I owe you one.

He reaches up, and he pulls his eyebrows off, and he puts flasters him on to his. He puts them back on his mustache. Yeah. Go. And then he just turns and shoots a pig, and reloads and dives into the horde. Wow. Pulls the bolt out of that pig and reloads and shoots another pig. Yeah. Legolas style. He's reloading with bolts. He's already fired. So fucking cool. I'm going to take the moment that Wild Bill afforded me to roll another fight with honor.

OK, I'm exiting one fight and going into another. Totally. Yeah. Roll plus constitution. Do it. 10. Shit. Yeah. So you get all your points. Three. Yeah. OK. What do you do? So I'm going to cross the distance between myself and a foe, using up one chi. Get in there and deal my damage to a foe within reach. Oh, sick. OK. Which is razor test. Yeah. So what does this look like? What does the crossing a distance between you and a foe look like?

I think it's like drops of mud coming up out of the thing. And he's like, two two two two guy, like a stairway of mud is reaching him. And he's hopping up over the of the hogs. And they're like jumping up as they're going. You know, unless the ones like Boeing coming up sideways, and they're trying to like get him as they're going, but they can't quite get to him sick. And then yeah, deal your damage. Mm hmm. Are you doing the on back thing where you're running on them too? Oh, I love that.

Yeah. Jumping from pig to pig. Yeah. Oh, totally. It's one of them's like about to fight something. He's like, mmm. It's like stepped on. All right. My damage is D six. And I'd like to open myself up for an additional D six. That only works with hack and slash. OK. Well, oh, yeah. Because you can roll your D six. Yeah. Come on. Five. Five. Yeah. OK. So he comes up like full on once I want to grab him by his ears and just headbutt him with his old helmet. Oh, yeah.

You jump off these pigs and come down and bong like a bell. Just slam this pig in the head. And he's looking woozy. Tuck, you feel him like stagger, basically. And he's like struggling to stay up. Billy, Razor Tusk is like trying to summon some strength to fight back here. He's really like snorting and kicking. But he it looks like he is losing steam. What do you do to ensure that tuck has the best shot that he can? Oh, you know what? I just get down to his level, like grab his face.

And I say, do you want to be free? Oh, cool. That's sick. Can you use wealth and taste with this? Oh, I guess I could. Like freedom. Yeah. That's very interesting because you can make him want to do anything to get free. Oh, my God. Yeah. I do. Yeah, I do that. OK. So wealth and taste is what charisma? It's it doesn't say. It just says when you make a show of flashing around your most valuable possession to someone present, they will do anything they can to obtain your item or one like it. Wow.

Wealth and taste does not a role. You can just do it. That's sick. So you you get down and say, do you want to be free? I have never known freedom. And Billy just is like you could when you're free roll in the mud. Like this. And like flops into the mud. Nice. You. And the razor tusk snorts in my home. There is no mud in which to wallow. I sought this for my kind. Oh, what must I do? Allow us to take off your armor. It shackles you. Will it hurt? I don't think so.

And you feel this like huge breath come out of him as he settles into the ground, closes his eyes. Do what you must. And I know that tuck. Did I hear that whole conversation? Everybody hears this conversation. Oh, cool. Because of things voice of the forest. Right. Yeah, yeah. Ving quickly had butts in me. Can I come over here? No, I don't. Tuck grabs his axe. Flexes his throat. Like Billy, that's your lie. Work. Joey, another trick. This big and delay gets killed. It's trauma ties. Oh my god.

All right. 2d6 plus strength. Yes. Yeah, I'm using the effect of the lie. I'm using the plus one forward I have to get my hands underneath his armor and just try and rip the whole side off of him. 2d6 plus strength. Like I can open her. And that is 14. So Tuck, you get your hands in there. He's lying on his side in the mud. And I get my hands off under two plates. And I just start to lift. And then I hear like, ping, ping.

And you see the runes on the armor like as you're pulling flash and then die. Yeah, it's like they're trying to reactivate, but like anywhere Tuck is touching them, they're completely dim. Like it's like the armor's trying to fight back. Oh, yeah. You're feeling it pull back towards itself. Oh, like a magnet? Yeah. And it just like, yeah. It feels kind of like when Tuck forced that. Yeah, the little magic crystal into the danger room where it's just like like the world. Like pushing back. Yeah.

The world is trying to stop this from happening. Yeah. And he just keeps just reefing on it. He's stubborn. Yeah. And then there's like a clink, clink. Yeah. Like the leather straps and buckles explode off of it. Does anything happen to Ving? He's strapped into the armor. I feel like it should. I feel like that armor will die. Oh, cool. I like that. So you feel like plates around the armor like begin to fall away. Like you're you and you can breathe a little freer. Yeah.

And you feel the like urge to command to tell pigs what to do, leave your body. Tell me what to tell them to do. And the helmet feels different. Yeah, it's loose. Like it's I'm getting really constricted. Yeah, you kind of like you put your hands on either side and you can just slide it up over your head. Big remove the helmet. There's like on the inside when you look in, there's like shit loads of like magic inscriptions and like what looks like circuitry. Oh, yeah.

This is kind of from the Golden Age, right? I'm kind of dressed into his head. Mercury. Yeah, like that. And his face is kind of reflecting that like almost like like temporary scars. Oh, like he's got circuitry burned into his face. Oh, cool. Oh, that means razor tusk has that too. Oh, yeah. Yeah, and whole body razor tusk. You can see like through the the bristly fur as he like lays there, unburdened by his quest for a moment. He's breathing deep and burned into his fur.

You can see scars that look like circuitry all over his body. Vincos over and gently rolls him in the cooling mud. Oh, to get him into the style, which is like his goal that he's always wanted to do. And just to suit those those burns now that he's released from the armor, he huffs out a big breath and sinks lower into the mud. Scratch's belly. He kicks his little leg a little bit. I would rest a while. You've earned it. He just goes to sleep. What are the other pigs do?

The other pigs, the crows like kind of stop fighting as they realize the pigs are like now reacting instead of acting. OK. Oh, yeah. They're like backing away and like trying to escape. And then the crows stop and the pigs scatter. And then the crows start cheering like crazy. They're like hugging each other and screaming and just elated at their victory. Their victory. You hear the pigs go, this sucks, boys. Let's get the fuck out of here. What the fuck's going on?

You guys remember how we got here? I just wanted to be clear to all the listeners at home. We did not want to do this. I fell asleep on the L and I woke up here. It's weak. Proper new jersey. Trying to go to Coney Island to meet my buddy. And now I'm here. I'm meant to propose to my girl on the Ferris wheel. Apologia. Apologia. I'm coming back. Baby, baby. And the pigs, some of them run. Some of them walk. Some of them lay where they are. Casualties of an unfair war. Halflings lay among them.

A number were lost. Got to check on Wild Bill. Yeah, Wild Bill is in the fray, right? Yeah, is he OK? He's not doing great. Oh, shit. He's what you find Wild Bill. He's leaned against one of the outhouses on the edge of Lone Tree Hill. And he's bleeding quite a lot from his side. He's got a tusk. Like it's like a cut word. Like a snap-dab kind. Yeah. And you see he's got his pipe in his mouth. And he's struggling to light a match. Vingsteady's his hand. He lights it. Boy. I was some more.

Puff, puff, cough, cough. There's a little blood comes out. Oh, my God. We got to get you somewhere. Ving, can you fix this? I mean, I can apply a poltus. If you can lie still, the thing is a poltus takes time to work. And looking at Bill, you don't think he has time. Like how fast is he? How fast are you fading? Yeah. He is fucked up. Is there any way I could use Fairy Child to heal him? Do you have any Fairy Child left? No, I don't. How close to morning is it? Oh, good question.

Because it was nighttime when we started the fight. Yeah. I guess it's a few hours. Because the fight didn't last like multiple hours. I feel like Billy is desperate enough. Like he thinks he could do something. Is it like a luck roll to see if he lasts till morning? I guess so. To see if Fairy Child can actually heal him? Maybe it's a flat 2d6 like a last breath roll. Oh, you roll last breath on his behalf? Is it? How do you feel about that? What does that do?

So with last breath, you roll just straight. Nothing. Death doesn't care how tough or cool you are. On a 10-plus, you've cheated death. You're in a bad spot, but you're still alive. On a 7 to 9, Death himself will offer you a bargain. Take it and stabilize or refuse and pass beyond the black gates into whatever fate awaits you. On a 6 or less, your fate is sealed. OK. OK. Let's see what happens. 2d6 flat. 4. OK. Billy is panicking and he's digging through things pockets for more poltuses.

And he's looking at the sky wondering, well, when is the sun going to come up? I could do something. Billy, the poltus takes a while. Yeah, but what if the sun comes up? The sun? Yeah, the sun will be up in four hours. But what if it comes up faster? The sun comes up when the sun comes up. I'm sorry. But, Bill, what if you hang on a little longer? You got me pretty deep, Billy. But you survive everything. You like smiles, not this time. I made sure you do.

Bill sees you like looking at him and trying to like figure out something you can do. And he like reaches out a hand. OK. Change is natural. And he looks to the lightning sky far away. Rivers turn in for me now. I'm headed up the sun wise way. And he looks at you, says, I'll see you next time around. Bill, you know, just keep breathing because the sun's almost up. I think you'll be fine. You just have to hold on a little bit longer. You sit with Bill. The Everwood is silence and peaceful.

For the first time in a long time. And Bill's holding your hand. And, Billy, you can feel the very like rising in you and the power growing. And the first beams of day climb over the hill. And as the light touches his still form. Bill. Bill is gone. Bill? Bill? Bill? Bill? Bill? Bill?

T Sleeptime sweet little baby Step gently on flowers and greens Let the water carry you to sleep Time to sleep my little baby Time to sleep sweet little baby The river runs deep, but its blue as can be Let the water carry you to sleep Rest your head my little baby Rest your head sweet little baby You might wake among the forest and the trees Let the turning river carry you to me Sleeptime sweet little baby The river runs deep, but its blue as can be Let the water carry you to me Dream dream my little baby Dream dream sweet little baby You won't get lost in the summer or the front The river will always guide you home to me The river will always guide you home to me