Episode 6 – Masquerade

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape and wields a spear with great might Billy's a thief, his tiny size does mask the Larch's heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends and listen close For the tale's about to start Hello and welcome to Spout Lore!

And I'm a! I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara, coming to you live from beautiful Tofino, British Columbia, with my closest and most wonderful friends in the whole wide world, playing Tacoma Dome, the Barbarian, Abdul Aziz. God, I saw it coming. I should have known, and I didn't. And right off the bat, my authority is usurped. Say hello. Now don't talk anymore, or make any noise. Doesn't feel good, does it? What do you have to say? I said don't talk.

I'm trying to keep the reins tight, so I have control over my own emotions. Maybe you shouldn't have fucking worn sweatpants to a recording. We're all wearing sweatpants, except you, and you look the least comfortable. Go get some sweatpants on. No, I don't have any. Pause it. All right, we're back. It's been about 45 minutes. We made Abdul. Go. Go to town in Tofino and buy his own pair of sweatpants. I didn't do that. He didn't, and now he's just nude from the waist down in penance.

Wait, not penance. The one that you do to make us upset. Why are you guys bullying me? This isn't bullying. Sean, you start bullying, and then Abdul started bullying us for our sweatpants. Playing Fat Billy, the Halfling Thief, Jessica Tai. Hello. Also wearing sweatpants, and playing Ving, the Half-Elf Druid. Paul. Hello. Hello. When last we left our heroes, they had been stuck in a tent in the DeSomme Creek Theater Society's camp, finding Perel, the itinerant wizard, hiding in a supply shed.

And after being pointed through a hole in the side of the tent, Perel had found Jaunter, leader of the DeSomme Creek Theater Society, having a tea date with the Torch of McCall, during which it was revealed that… Perel was Jaunter a mender, but the menders had been working in some capacity with the light guard of McCall. And that is where we find our heroes now. What do you guys do? Where the fuck is Allison? Perel looks around and is like, I thought she was with you.

What the fuck are you talking… We told you to find her. And I tried my absolute best to find her. I asked around a little bit. The bars, I thought, were a good place to start. No one had seen her. And they had pointed me in the direction… Of this camp. So I came here. I thought maybe she would be here. But I saw the Torch of McCall with some other members of the light guard. I thought if they saw me, they would, you know, execute me. Well, yeah, that's probably what they would have done.

So I came in here. And they're just, there's light guard members kind of just around. So I've been in here. You've got to find Allison. Yeah. So they, someone you talked to said that she was here? Yeah. Somebody in the square said, like, I think it was, they were a member of the society. Uh-huh. That they saw her in this area. Okay. Makes sense. Actors are desperate. Yeah. Is there, like, can we discern realities to try and figure out where she is?

Yeah, we need to get wide berth and get, we need to find her. Discern realities would be, like, if you wanted to see what was going on with Jaunter and the Torch. As opposed to… I feel like we know what's going on. Well, yeah, we found out that Jaunter and the Torch are working together. Uh-huh. But we need, so we know that Allison is in the camp somewhere, probably. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Because the guy in the square said she was.

And also, someone told Perel that. Uh-huh. So, we need to find her because she's here somewhere. Um, Billy has connections, which I haven't used in a long time. What is it? It's when I put a word to the criminal underbelly about something you want or need, um, roll a thing. And someone has it just for you. Oh. Uh-huh. And if you roll a seven to nine, uh, you have to set a set. Oh. Oh.

For something close or it comes with strings attached yeah call cool so in the past billy's used like uh thief signs or whatever carved into the post to attract people that's actually how you guys met mirrors right yeah yeah all those many sessions ago uh yeah okay so how's billy doing this how's billy getting word out um well the tent we're in does it have costumes it does yes it has crates of old costumes uh billy is going to use some of these costumes um so that I can disguise myself as like another um there's those theater kids right so I'm gonna try to look like them so what does that look like what does billy's disguise look like okay um I'm just oh they wear a lot they wear leotards okay so leotards and jazz shoes okay tap shoes yeah yeah cool um so looking around should I discern realities or something like no it's not hard to find it's a tent full of stuff all right I open a wooden crate and in there are a ton of leotards uh kind of like when you're in gym class and there's all those pennies so billy pulls out a pink leotard and there's um another there's some bags next to the crate and some and I pull out some tap shoes from there and they're definitely too big for me but they're the smallest ones of the group and so billy puts those on puts on the leotard um and he's like don't look you guys this is really form-fitting okay billy we've seen you naked not like this I've never felt so exposed in my life it's the pink isn't it yeah I don't know why I picked this color but it's too late I'm in it now wait what are you doing should we get in costume too no I must go alone okay um this is a task I must do alone wait but you have to tell us what you're doing oh I have to tell me what you're doing I'm so sorry okay so wow you were just like I have a plan and you put a leotard billy oh sorry hold up yeah where are you going what are you doing okay I am going to I saw a signpost out there and they have all those poles for the stages and I'm gonna take this pin out of my hair and I'm gonna go carve some symbols out there and and see if anyone has seen Allison.

And I got blend in, so I put on this outfit. Okay, yeah, that makes sense. Looking great, bud. Yeah, you look good. Thanks. And good plan. Thank you. It's a great plan. Meanwhile, Perel still has his eye glued to that hole. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay, so Billy's trying to blend in. Oh, no, he just has disguise, so he doesn't have to roll for disguise. But you do have to roll for connections. I do. So what is it, 2d6 plus? Charisma. Charisma. Oh, I don't remember which ones I rolled.

It was that one and that one. What's an eight? Yeah, nine. I got nine. Okay. So. Way to go, Tucker. Just rolled two dice into a pile of dice. I know. You got a five and a 20. So that means I have to settle for something close, or it comes with strings attached, and I can choose. Okay. Maybe you have literally a bunch of strings attached. I was thinking it's a thong. Oh, no, I have one string attached. Like, I'm drawing more. I'm drawing more attention to myself.

The string attached is attached to the tent, and it unravels, exposing his bum as he leaves, leading whoever would want to follow the string back to an adult full tent of weirdos. That's way good. Yeah. Wait, sorry. One more time? Okay. When I left the tent, it got caught on a little nail, and so there's a thread wrapped around the nail attached to the tent, and I'm walking all over the place, and it's slowly unraveling my leotard, showing more buttocks than before.

And leading whoever would want to follow the trail back to us weirdos. Yeah, literally creating a… String attached scenario. Yeah. Okay. Like that Weezer song. Yeah. Do you want to destroy my sweater? Uh-huh. So you go out, and you're carving symbols in a pole to say, like, I'm looking for… Yeah, and I'm walking so, like, making such big rounds. Zigzag? Yeah. Dancing around the poles like the Mayflower? Yeah, exactly. I have to do a few loops to look…

Like, I'm looking at what other people are doing. I'm like, oh, that's a good move. And I start, like, swaying my hips, too. We're like, work those times, Billy. Work them. Yeah. Anyway, I carve a bunch of symbols in, and I see another pole. I'm like, oh, that's a good pole. And I go over there. You're going to all the poles? Yeah. He's dancing from pole to pole. I say hi again to the donkeys. Hi. And I scratch some stuff on their pole.

Yeah, and they're just, like, they get their noses down there, and their ears are flapping around, and they're nosing at you. And I… I pick up… I pick up some grass. Yeah, they eat it desperately. Cool. Yeah. See you guys. Bye, Greg. Bye, Wilbur. I'm walking. Carving more poles? I'm so cold. And I look around behind me, and I'm like, oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, just going in circles and winding yourself up with string. Oh, my ding-ling. It's going to show soon.

And so I cover it up, and I'm, like, trying to run back, but I forgot. I don't know where I was. Yeah. And so I make an even bigger, like, wider circle, and it's, like, by the time I get back to the tent, it's only, like, I am covering my nipples and my ding-ling. And you run back into the tent nude? Yeah. Pretty much. It's, like, just the collar left. Yeah. Like a dickie.

Yeah, so Billy's gone for, like, five to ten minutes, and he comes back, and he's basically nude with a pink collar around his neck. Well, when he's been gone, we've been… We've been watching what's going on with the Torch of McCall. Oh, have you? Yeah. And also, we were like, bro, why the fuck are you still in a diaper? Like, there's so many stores in this town. You could have bought pants. Why am I supposed to have time doing that trying to find Allison? Conducting reconnaissance for you.

Dude, we went and stole a ship, but we also, like, got pizza cones and watched part of a play. You don't just have to do one thing at a time. Wait, was that… Was that ship thing… You guys? Oh, did you hear about it? Fifteen ships were blown out of the harbor by a rogue wind. Tens of thousands of coins worth of damage was done. Right, yeah, that was… No one's allowed in or out. Of the city? The customs have locked down the docks until they find out who was responsible.

That's gonna complicate things for us. That was… Oh, my God. And we're trying to smoke a lot. You idiots. And he's like, but… This diaper is really cold. Just see what they're doing. And he starts digging around in the costumes. And so you're watching the torch and jaunter? Mm-hmm, yeah. So they're just talking about business. The torch is drinking this tea very slowly.

And he says, I understand that there have been some developments in the principalities at large that have proven quite dangerous. I've heard there's mass flooding in the halfling lands that have caused evacuations. Evacuations? And exodus? I've heard that there have been reports of ghostly militias traveling throughout the land. Monsters. So these are the problems that you would like me and my people to take care of for you? Bolster your operations in the principalities?

And jaunter puts down his tea and says, no, no, no. A lot of those reports have been grossly exaggerated. I don't know who sent the letter to you in McCall. It was a mender by the name of Maggie Cole, I believe. He says, oh, Maggie, she doesn't really know what's going on. She's not really as informed as she'd like to be. There's no flooding. There's no monsters. The problems have been a lot more exaggerated than unfortunately, I think, you've been led to believe.

There is one thing, though, that I think is of the highest importance is there was a complication of sorts with an item from one of our vaults. It's currently in the wind. No one's really sure where it is, but we have tracked three individuals to this town. There's a large man with an axe and a beard. He's pretty easy to point out. He actually looks a lot like the guy that you have towed around. What was his name? Ah, you mean Fatim. Yes, he is one of our more powerful warriors.

One of the more dangerous members of our guards troop. Cut the tuck. Cut the tuck. Cut the tuck. Cut the tuck. Oh, no. He got more dangerous. And then I turned to face like, what time he did my ding-a-ling and honey and he left me in the desert. Oh, my God. What happened? It got so sticky. I had to walk all the way home with a sticky ding-a-ling. So much sand. And they're traveling in the desert. The company of a halfling child and a very strange looking man with, I think, elf blood.

I'll fucking dare him. And the one that we are most concerned with capturing, if possible, they're traveling in the company of a sort of middle-aged, scrawny, bald man. He's got a pretty terrible mustache and spectacles, but he's able to change his appearance if he needs to. His disguise skills are, exemplary. So those three and the old man, if you're able to bring them to us, to me personally, if possible, then we can settle a lot of this right away and you can be back on your way to McCall.

And the torch nods and continues drinking his tea. I understand I'm a little troubled. We brought many on the trip. We assumed that the problems here were a lot more wide-ranging than it would appear they are. And the jaunter nods. And says, yeah, we're sorry about that. We just, we're trying to keep information more succinct in the future. The torch nods and says, I understand. Trying to work anonymously and surreptitiously as we do.

I, this, it can be difficult to get people to know the things they need to know. So I'll let my people know we'll form a plan and we'll get to work as quickly as possible. And I rip Perel out of the, cause we've been like poking our heads through and watching. I rip Perel out of. The hole in the tent. And I was like, what the fuck is that? I thought you said the Chamberlain would cover everything up for us. Do they know about us? And Perel's like, I don't know. They shouldn't.

The work that I did with, with Chamberlain was flawless. Flawless. Has any of your work ever been flawless? Maybe you remember a little thing called a giant frog. Yeah. Those frogs are terrorizing a small town right now because I wasn't. There to reign them in. So they're intelligent. They're intelligent, huh? Well, at least they are. You fucking moron. Click, clack, click, clack. Oh, Billy's back. And here's tap shoes. He's just wearing tap shoes. Now, what the hell happened to you? Bill?

The fuck happened? Billy? I don't know. So I, so I grabbed, must've taken my swimsuit. I think a lot of people saw me. My disguise didn't work, but I did right all over the poles. Bing sticks his head out and sees the string running everywhere and leading him back to here. And you see, you see at the far end of the camp, you hear somebody go, what the fuck is all this? Who's that? Is that fat?

And on the other side of the camp, far away, like pretty, pretty good distance, maybe 40, 50 feet is a ripped dark skinned man with a long braid on the top of his head going down to a ponytail. And he picks up the thread. And he starts following it hand over hand. Oh. Following the pink thread that you see connected to Billy's collar. Oh shit. Jesus fucking Christ. It's my swimsuit. Guys, I'll be right back. Wait, where are you going? Billy's gonna try to lead him somewhere else. Oh yeah.

So I grab, I grab whatever string I left on the ground. I run the opposite direction. And like, you've got a long way. It was sort of like a cat's cradle design that Billy created. So he can run back and grab some. And run somewhere else. Okay. It's a good idea. Okay. So what would that be? Do we think like defy danger dexterity? Sure. To do it quickly and surreptitiously? I. Very bad. That is a two and a one. Plus two is five. Okay. So Billy fails. Do you have an idea for how Billy fails? Yes.

Okay. Billy fails. He's collecting all the threads and it's getting, because he was running around in like weird circles. It's just kind of balling up around him. And he's starting to spin himself into essentially like a huge ball of yarn. And he's just like, Oh my God. And then he crashes right into the dude. Oh, right into fat. That's a fat. He's exactly how I described him the last time. I know. But Billy screams it. Oh, and fat.

I'm is like holding the string that you're at the end of in this huge ball. And he's like, okay. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? Who are you? You some little kid or something? And he reaches down and grabs a bundle of the threads and he picks you up. Hey! Bing steps out. Tuck, you gotta stay here. Okay, yeah. Because he knows you're… I'm going out. Oh, sorry. Hey, good sir. That's my young actor there.

What have you done to your costume, young master? I just thought I would make it look better. Well, you ruined it and I'll be coming out of your shares. I'll be taking that kid. Come on with me. Sorry about that, mister. Cool hairdo. Man, you're big. You look very nice. So just… Okay, you gotta roll something. Defy Danger Charisma, I guess? Yeah, no problem. Oh, wow. Holy fuck. Is that Boxcars, Two Sixes? Yeah, 13. Holy shit. Good goddamn. Two Sixes is called Boxcars? Boxcars, yeah.

I didn't know that. I thought it was called Spider Ice. Crab face. Because it's like all the mouths on a crab. Great. So Fatim's like, okay, I'll just be taking that young feller. Sure. Scoop him up. Whatever. And he holds him out. Take him. And you get away. Thank you. Backing away. Yeah. And he's like, weirdos. Thank you. I think something that you pick up when you get close to Fatim is sort of acrid smell. There's this like oily, acrid smell.

So that's something that you just pick up around Fatim. Yeah. He doesn't smell good. But he smells like pungent. And you're not sure why. Yeah. Billy starts coughing and sneezing. Yeah. And Billy stuffs his face in things for jacket thingy that he's got on. Oh, yeah. That's cute. He cuddles it. Yeah. This barely smells better. Yeah. Smell. Patchouli. But he has. But with that, I guess the string attached for connection. Connections is that Fatim has gotten a good look at both of you.

Looked you right in the face. He knows exactly what both of you look like. And so do you just head back to the tent? No, I've come out. Oh, you've come out of the tent. But I am dressed as a belly dancer. Wow. Like Will Smith from Wild Wild West. Uh-huh. So what is that? What does this look like? Like a drops Billy. I've got a veil on and I'm wearing like big fake tits. And there's like a lot of the coin belt. Yeah. Like there's so much of it on me.

And I'm just pretending to be a big, beautiful lady. Oh, my God. Billy, do you see that woman? Who is that? She's beautiful. Whoops. No, Billy. No, he cannot. Oh, isn't that tuck? Oh, what's that in your loincloth? That is a story for another day to our friends. He would recognize you easily, probably. Are you fucking kidding me? I got the veil on my face. What I'm saying is Billy doesn't have to roll for disguises, but tuck does. Okay. What is it plus? Charisma?

I did it because I didn't want to feel pinned down. Yeah, totally. You pierce your belly button, there's blood running down. And I got dressed really quick and I turned to Perel and I was like, do I look anything like me? Oh. And I was getting dressed. You're seven feet tall. Yeah, but do I look like a hot lady? Oh, holy shit. Two sixes? Those are my old dice there. Perfect. Great. Do I look like a hot lady? I was like, you're seven feet tall. Okay. No, but kind of. Okay. No one will know.

And I'm like, can you turn these melons into like the jiggly thing? So it'll look like tits. Why would I do that? Come on for me. Dude, magic is hard to come up. I can't just turn things into. Give me the melons. He's like, I don't know if I can. And he's like flexing all his muscles. He starts sweating and you see the melons slowly just getting softer and softer and softer. This is the best I can do. Okay. And they're just they're exactly like two cantaloupes, but really soft.

I put them in my bra. Go warm. Warm. And Tuck comes out of the tent like that. Yeah. Yeah. I think it'd be really funny because like there's like all that fresh paint everywhere. If there was just like a paint bucket open that's red and he like grabs the paint brush and it's like. Yeah, I do that. Tuck gives himself lipstick. But like way too much. I imagine you killing a fly and then spearing it on your eyes. Like just to like. Eye makeup. Yeah. Yeah. Like and I. Yeah. I put on like mascara.

And like. Fly. Like blue. I shed. Like is that eye shadow up here? It's also paint. Okay. Yeah. He's wondering if this is what. Oh, yeah. That's that eye shadow. So I put blue eye shadow. And yeah, like, like, like, like fucking make my eyes look longer with like charcoal pencil. And then you describe it as make my eyes look longer. I don't know what any makeup. And neither does. I also love. But he put red paint on his lips for lip color and then immediately put a veil over. Yeah.

But then he's like, but if this comes off, then this will disguise. And then I also am like, I'm worried about the scar on my face showing. So I take a bunch of white paint and I get myself. Oh, no. Like, he'll never assume that I would be white. So do you do that to your arms? I'm making eye contact with Perel. I'm like. I'm white like you. I also assumed the veil was to hide the beard. Yeah, that's what I assume. So the veil comes off. I did not think of that at all.

So he's like, okay, if the veil comes off, the lipstick's definitely going to distract away from my huge beard. Right? He just dips his whole beard in lipstick. I didn't think of the beard at all. No, wait. So you understand that by painting his him painting his face, I assume bone white. Yes. He's also got to paint his arms and torso and legs. Yeah. The legs have billowy pants. Anything that's showing. Wow. I mean, I already got two sixes. We're calling that just pulling a reverse Trudeau.

The thing is, is that you got what? 14. Yeah. Which means that it works. Yeah. Which is just un-fucking-believable. And so you come out of the tent. You're wearing a white shirt, bone white, dressed like a belly dancer, lips, lip stuff, eye shadow. Veil. Veil. And honestly, you blend in with a lot of the other costumes in the camp. So it's easy for you to get through. And Perel comes out a moment later, like bursts out, and he's got a huge blonde beehive wig on and a big puffy Regency era gown.

And he flicks open a fan and goes, let's get out of here. Yeah. He looks like Catherine the Great. Let's fucking do this. Yeah. So he's got the fan in front of his face, and he's like, let's get out of here. And we go over to Vingability. Tuck, you look beautiful. Thank you. How did you? This is amazing. We can't get out of here, but oh my God. Yeah. Perel made these. And I point at my breasts. Can I? Yeah, you can touch them. I don't care. Can we get out of here? Can we get out of here? Please.

And Perel's waving the fan in his face. No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait. Someone's going to meet me here. So we got to stay. When? For how long? Could take hours or days. Sometimes it's weeks or months. It could take even years. Well, if it's going to be that long, Bill, you better put on some pants, pal. The leotard has turned into a deep V. Oh, yeah. It just goes straight. You look like Borat, buddy. Who's Borat? You look like a chubby little. Oh, he's just. He's international. He's a bard.

He wears this ridiculous pink onesie that barely doesn't cover up his thing. Oh, boy. I'll be right back, you guys. And Billy runs away and comes back with some clothes. He's dressed now. What's he wearing? He's wearing his raccoon stuff. Okay. He just went and got his stuff. Yeah. Nice. So as you're all standing around, you hear. Hey. What? Hey, over here. Who? Where? Over here. I look over. And behind the tent. You see a little flat cap and a smudged face peeking out from behind.

Come over here. Me? Yo, come over here. We grab Billy. We're like, don't go over there. Guys. You come over here. I don't trust this ragamuffin. This is what we're waiting for. Come on. The big guys. They with you. Oh, yeah. Okay. You come over here, too. Okay. We go over. Okay. We go over. What's your name? My name's. Fuck. I literally thought of any name. Fuck. Nimble. Nimble. My name's Nimble. Come on over here. I am over here. No, keep coming over here.

As we're walking, we're walking side by side next to Billy because this is a weird situation. We're like, Nimble, you got to dial back your excitement because you sound like you're trying to get us into a trap. I would never do that to you. Just look, guys. It's a fellow ragamuffin. Okay. You guys, you don't know anything about this. This is the code. All right. The ragamuffin code. Billy picks up dirt and runs it on his face. I should describe Nimble.

Nimble's like small, maybe like 11, has tiny points at the end of his ears. He might have some elf blood. He's really smudged up. He's got little short pants. He's got a little vest and he's got a tiny shirt with the sleeves rolled up in a flat cap. What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?!

L I really like you nimble I like you What's your name little kid My name's Fat Billy Fat Billy Sure is Put it there And he spits in his hand Shakes Billy spits in his hand This is also part of The Ragamuffin's code And we're like Okay And I take a A medicated wipe And I just wipe Billy's hands I'm like I just like Clean it And while you're cleaning My hand I'm like So what dirt you got for me Oh I got I got the goods for you I found it I found it Dame you're looking for She's She's She's meeting somebody out back Of the fish gutters The fish gutters Yeah if you head down Closer to the water You take a right at the shoe boy He's shining up the shoes He's also a Ragamuffin Blink That was him winking The shoe boys Alright The shoe boys Head down the alley Turn right at the other alley Behind the big pile of fish guts The fish guts She's She seems to be meeting somebody out there But if you wanna catch her You're gonna have to move quick Oh Catch I flick Nimble a rock My favorite one And he catches He snatches it out of the air Rubs it on his shirt Looks at it and goes Pleasure doing business with your brother It was great to meet you Nimble Brothers for life Brothers for life Spit again Shake I clean his hand again I clean Nimble's hand And as you wipe the spit off of his hand It's the cleanest part on his entire body Yeah Yeah!

He's like Alright pleasure doing business And he tips his flat cap And he disappears into the shadows He just run into the woods? Yes And you hear him go As he runs away Nimble Gonna live forever What? What the fuck was that? That guy has a ton of chutzpah Yeah I know He keeps spitting it into his hand And Perel's sitting there like fanning himself With his big fat hand And he's like He's like That was Mystifying But should we go? Yeah we gotta go Did you not hear him?

We don't have much time Let's go Let's find Allison Flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap Wait does anybody have anything they wanna do on the way?

Maybe just wink at the shoe boy Oh yeah Yeah there's a little boy Also little points on his ears Shining a dude's shoes at the end of that alley I flip him my other rock He catches it He tips his cap Says pleasure doing business with ya Pleasure to meet ya That guy looked exactly like Nimble We were just talking about that guy That guy looked exactly like Nimble He did look a little like Nimble didn't he?

You take Nimble's directions Turn the alley Turn the alley You see a big pile of fish guts Well you smell it before you see it And then it's just this big glistening pile of fish guts It's covered in seagulls And raccoons They're just going fucking crazy back here And you see Allison Far behind the fish guts Further down the alley And she looks kind of nervous She's like looking around But she hasn't seen you guys yet Oh okay Should we reveal ourselves to her?

Should we wait and see who she's waiting for? She looks really nervous right now Doesn't she? I've never seen her look like that Yeah I have actually In my entire life Knowing Allison I've never seen her look nervous It's scaring me a lot Yeah I want to ask the raccoons If they've seen anything weird Like what's going on?

I keep forgetting that you can talk to animals Sorry I keep forgetting that Ving can talk to animals Every time I introduce an animal into the scenery And Ving starts to talk to animals To talk to it I go fuck Right This animal would know everything It's the only thing I remember about Ving Alright What do raccoons sound like?

I'm just thinking like Hey Yeah do whatever you want Welcome to my fish pile That's pretty good Because they have thumbs to do this with That's true They can do the hand thing So there's a raccoon sitting on a pile of fish Like hey welcome Hey bienvenido Oh you want to buy the fish? The fishes are so good this time of year Ah me scusi me scusi I'm here looking for my friend You seen anything weird with this lady over there?

Oh she'll be meeting with a lot of people today A lot of people coming back and forth A lot of people in nice white clothes Fafangula tell me more my brandy I mean they all All of you look like Like big tall people Like you have nice hands good for creeping Yes?

Like me We are friends We the same Oh yeah and then they do a cool handshake Like a very elaborate handshake The camera goes so close to it It's like flip-flop-flip-flap-flip Flappy-flish And your crystals come away covered in fish guts Anything else that you want to know? How long you been here?

Oh I've been here for generations My grandfather he found these fish-a-pile These fish-a-file These fish-a-pile These fish-a-pile My family have been sustained for centuries Your family should be very proud of you You do a great pile of garby fish Molto bello Grazie mille Does a quick cross and goes Mi madre Are these raccoons Catholic?

All raccoons are Catholic That's why they have so much guilt Okay Okay Okay Okay Okay Okay Okay Okay Okay Okay Okay Okay Okay Okay Okay Okay Okay Okay Okay Okay Okay Okay Okay Yeah Yeah What are you trying to get out of this raccoon? That she's been meeting with a bunch of guys dressed in white Yep What? Why would Like the light guard?

Seems like Okay let's Maybe let's hang back and watch and see who she meets Alright let's hide behind this bush Behind the fish guts Yeah cause she's Like you can see her You guys gotta be careful If you're just talking to a raccoon on the fish pile She just hears a couple raccoons going at it I guess that's true It's so slimy in here. Is Billy in the pile? Yeah. Billy, you went into the fishbowl. I don't know how else to be secret. Just smushed right in there.

So you do see Allison, like, her attention is piqued, and she walks a little bit further down to a junction between two buildings, and you see her talking to somebody. Who is it? The discerned reality? Yeah, give me the… Somebody's got to roll fucking something. Use these ones. Because right now they're out of sight. Oh, yeah. So 2d6 plus wisdom. Fuck. I said these ones. Fuck. Are those two ones? Yeah. Okay. Okay, so you don't get any questions, and you mark a point of experience. Hell yeah.

There are two ways that this failure can pan out. One is you don't learn anything about who she's meeting, and the second is that you do, but then it gets worse. I like that. Worse. Okay, so you see Allison talking to somebody, very earnestly, very intently, and then they move. She goes, come here, and she gestures them further into the alley, and a white-robed light guard scholar walks into the alleyway, and they're talking very… The scholar is pretty young, pretty lean.

It's like a young woman. She's very kind of scrawny. It looks like she's maybe not even out of her teens. She's new to the light guard, and they're talking very intently. The scholar's writing things down, and they're talking very intently, and they're talking very intently, and they're talking very intently, and they're talking very intently, and they're just exchanging information, and, Tuck, you see this happening, and you go, what the fuck? She's talking to the light guard?

And you are like, what the fuck? And you lean forward, and you put your hand right on a seagull, and it goes, fuck! And then all the seagulls go, and start flying away, and the scholar and Allison whip around, and they see all of you staring at them, and Allison's paused for a second. Because the pile was actually 95% seagulls. They fly away off the floor, and we're all just standing there. There's like three dead fish. And Vince just sinks into the ground as the seagulls fly away.

Vince just raises his hand and waves. And they all look at you, and Allison starts running away. What about the scholar? They both run in the same direction. They start bolting. Do we chase? Yes! Chase! Chase! Chase! Chase! Chase! Chase! Chase! Chase! Chase! We start chanting as we're running after. Because Tuck's like, do we chase? Chase! Okay. So how's a chase going to work? I think it's just going to be a roll. I think someone's going to lead the chase.

I think if you get unmitigated success, I think you can get both of them. Okay. I think if it's only partial success, you only get one of them. You know what I mean? You can only get answers out of one of the people. Okay. So yeah, one person's going to roll. One person can aid if you want, but somebody's got to lead it. Yeah.

And it's plus so it with tuck I imagine that it would be strength okay it's like the strength of his muscles does that make sense yeah so you're gonna try and use your muscles to catch them and scoop them I guess so yeah to like get my legs to move hard and strong enough to catch up with them my legs are gonna beat up the ground yeah and then it doesn't have to be strength I'm getting a tone out of this no I want it to be straight and the tone is directed at paul who asked me to describe running yep his feet will pound the ground like fists yeah I'm gonna go sideways okay 2d6 plus strike six seven eight yeah so you get a partial success who you catch in allison or the scholar allison okay so allison and the scholar start hauling ass down this alley you're sort of in between two clusters of buildings you start pounding down the alley behind them just be like chase chase chase chase chase chase chase faster and perl we're all running right oh yeah but I'm way further back yeah and perl's like holding one part of his dress up with one hand in his fan and the other like I can't catch up all right I'm in the belly dance it's so loud you can hear me go oh yeah so allison might not even have realized it was you specifically oh yeah but she's not even aware of it she's like oh my god I'm not even aware of it she's like oh my god she realizes that she's been busted by a belly dancer a white belly dancer with crazy eyes oh she recognized ving never mind but I have like such sweet boobs like she wouldn't know is she put to it she's good allison it's me so you get to uh the end of this alley and the scholar and allison like split the scholar runs to the right allison and the scholar runs to the left and the scholar runs to the right and the scholar runs to the left and the scholar runs to the left and the scholar runs to the left and tuck goes to the left yeah I turn to the left but I turn so hard that my bra whips around the back so now the boobs are on the back and how does how does tuck catch allison um so it's like classic like small sit like narrow alley chase scene and allison is fucking fast yeah like she's like doing parkour yeah her dress rips up one side so her legs are free to move and there's like two small balls come out and she's like running up on the like the sides of buildings and I'm like throwing them out of the way you're just barreling through yeah or like yeah running through them and it's like chase chase she kicks slides under a cow oh yeah and tuck throws the cow out of the way yeah and yeah but he like lifts the cow and throws it in front of her oh my god can I do that is that insane I mean I kind of want you to roll for it but hell yeah all right two two two six plus strength watch out she's part of the army I'm not kidding I'm not kidding I'm not kidding I'm not parkouring oh my god six five six I'll aid okay I'll give it a little gust okay of wind so roll 2d6 plus your bond with tuck oh big enough yeah okay wow I can't believe you pulled off this fucking cow move so you throw the cow you grip this cow under the middle and it goes and you whip it over your head it starts sailing through the air and falling just behind allison it's not gonna make it and what does ving do he says that and then uh beats his big imaginary wings and gives a big gust oh so cool so dope the wind blows past you tuck you feel like a and as ving does that I see like the shadow of the outline of thunderbird wings and there's a fire just off to the side that roars up with the blast of air cool and there's like cracklies yeah in the air you hear in the what!!

L.A. L.A.

Billy put fish guts in his pockets and now he's like throwing them like flower girl make way make way holding the train he's just throwing it out of the the most edible bachelorette in all of Oxfordshire we suck at acting casual yeah you're the worst you guys are definitely the epitome of that like act casual and everybody comes in and there's someone like fake nailing a board to a wall and you're like hi yeah that move and yeah you make your way to the hotel you see on the way someone handing out pieces of paper with a drawing of the three of you on it like you're saying these people wanted for questioning by the crystal by customs has sorry I can't read I think we would remember seeing these weirdos and I have face blindness wow very very well with any I information for the customs house will be greatly rewarded I want to take the rest of those posters out of them well he's he'll give you a couple give me all of them he looks around I'll post I'll post them around town we're going to the we're going to the emerald yeah you're gonna try and convince him to give you so I could go you know lot of trouble I give you two bucks for all these two coins yeah that's more I'm making a week here you go problem solved make sure to post some just back to the I put them in the fire don't worry about that when posted yeah so you get back to the hotel mirrors is there having his he's sleeping he's passed out in the other room and Allison just sits on the bed oh no we put her in the chair oh and we tie her up oh okay she doesn't resist sorry to do this Allison I understand how are you feeling not great Billy okay I tied this knot you guys can you get the one at the back I'll do it yeah you see her shapely legs all the way up to her her fit firm waist tying beautiful milky skin yeah and her legs are showing because of the parkour that she did yeah and she got her dress yeah she's got ripped legs because of all the free running and flips that she does in her free time because I'm sorry I haven't been completely honest well you better start I'm how much do you want to know everything yeah and then so tell us some stuff you don't think is relevant let's start there did you know that the Emerald Hotel and Spa was constructed 250 years 250 years that's unreal they've had emeralds that long wow on top of being anti-inflammatory spice turmeric can also be used to make delicious baked goods no she's just telling you facts that she knows now this bitch is trying to tell me about turmeric and like Vig pulls out like a little mason jar that has turmeric in it and it says for inflammation okay so the reality is I initially came to Crystal Bay in the employ of the light guard I don't make any noise because my feelings are hurt he says I didn't gasp because my feelings are hurt and well they should be I've never intended to hurt you the reality is that I was banished by the light guard and I was recently able to claw my way back to the material plane but they found me very quickly and they forced me to work for them as an advanced scout we came here because the light guard had received a letter from an organization of some kind that exists in the principalities what are they called I wasn't privy to that information supposedly they are a subgroup they were founded by the light guard or something like that I have heard them say that name and they sent me here ahead of them to sort of gauge the situation to meet up with some members of the menders and sort of see what the situation was the letter made it sound like there's a lot of awful things happening here then once I was here once I'd you know figured out the situation you came to town Tug and I thought finally I had an opportunity to get my revenge on the light guard and be free of them I knew that you would help me if I asked you to we have a history look you're so strong you've overcome so many enemies so many opponents and I know that the light guard would be no problem for you I could be free we could be free together and I can't let them know that this is my plan I can't let them know that I'm planning on trying to kill the torch of McCall trying to escape so I've still been working with them I've been feeding them information false information about who?

Just about whatever's going on in this town I told them that there might be other succubi in Crystal Bay I told them that there's some sort of force keeping creatures of the outer dark in Crystal Bay that the coronet might be involved the truth is I have no idea why the sun's not moving I couldn't care less but they think it's a problem and that problem will keep them distracted for my true goal which is what? Putting them six feet in the ground if that's true how do they know about us?

We heard them talking we heard J'Zom from the who's J'Zom? The guy from the the J'Zom Creek Theater Society oh, Jaunter yeah, J'Zom he was telling he always does that he was talking to the torch of McCall and they knew everything about us already and they've been fucking they sent out posters about us did they say they knew yeah us like Jaunter described the three of you and Perel yeah how would they know? How would they know? How would they know that?

I don't know I didn't tell them anything about you how do we know that's true? I have no reason anymore to lie to you all my cards are on the table that's it I want them dead then who's telling them about us?

It's almost like if someone had rolled a discern realities earlier in the session we'll do it now hmm I wonder if rolling a discern realities can allow you to glean information from a previous thing that you witnessed I think that I think that that's totally fair also because I kind of want you guys to get some more more breadcrumbs some tasty tasty breadcrumbs who wants to roll?

Do it Bilbo yeah you should talk to the amnesiac fairy let me just rack my tiny little brain hey man he gets results whoa eleven somehow he racked his amnesiac brain oh does he do like a magic thing?

Yeah he closes his eyes and he's like oh I'm gonna go to bed and he starts feeling through his thoughts and he's like oh that was a really good cookie I had and I had a really good sleep last night and the blanket was so soft and Billy's just remembering his like past adventures to like wow that meeting that dragon was crazy yeah but no too far too far too far yeah and he like you see it like move down the timeline and flip forward and it's like Billy's like the king of a of of of of of of of of of of of of of of a small country he's the king of a little like squirrel village yeah in the woods and no no that wasn't it and then it's Billy eating a roll yeah and I replay that memory a few times I'm like I don't remember where I got it okay that doesn't matter right now and then I think back to when we checked in at the hotel and I think back to when we went to get that dinner and those bullies came up and tried to fight us well they did fight us the idea that Billy thinks of other gang members as bullies yeah that was really good am I coming up with this thing or are you coming up with this thing no you're asking the questions from the list oh yeah sorry you get three I forgot jeez Louise guys I'm sorry you're right so there's three questions from the discern realities list okay I forgot that's okay so Billy Billy's memory is back in the DeSong Creek Theater Society where we were just and and Tuck and Ving and Pearl are in the tent and Billy's weaving his way around past the donkeys and he passes by a tall man and jaunter and he's like ugh jaunter yeah you hear them talking about the how everything has been greatly exaggerated by Maggie Cole she doesn't know what's going on there's no flooding there's no monsters there's no weird soldiers so what are the questions that Billy's asking so in that memory Billy's like what happened then so what happened then what happened here recently is jaunter as a traveling bard goes town to town in the principalities investigating things for the menders he gathers information and then he meets up with other members that's sort of how they pass their information they speak face to face they never write anything down because if somebody steals all that information there's a lot of terrible information they could know so as the leader of the group that the menders were founded by jaunter met with the torch to sort of pass that information on it sounded like things were so bad in the principalities that the torch of mccall decided to come personally okay yeah and I guess something that I would actually be cleared up by that too is that jaunter because you heard jaunter saying well that's this is all fake this isn't real there's no flooding there's no monsters there's no whatever that's not true you know that personally yeah like you've seen the fallout from the flooding there's halflings on the road the panusians were like yeah there's flooding in the halfling lands what's he talking about and then so what here is useful or valuable to me well what here is useful or valuable to me is so billy you remember seeing this and realizing that you didn't say anything about it because you didn't think it was weird but um the torch pours more tea from the teapot while he's talking to jaunter and he takes a sip and he goes oh it's a little cold do you mind if I do you mind he goes no no please I'd actually I'd love to see it I've heard many stories and the torch goes very well and he goes and he presses his hands together and kind of spins his palms and when he pulls his hands apart there's a little lick of flame hanging in the air between them and he uh kind of gets it close to the teapot and you see him put the teapot on his hand and bits of flame are curling around the bottom of the teapot like it's on a stove element like it's on a gas range and he's just heating up the tea with this fire that he's able to just call from his body it boils yeah and then he pours some more steaming hot tea so what billy saw the tea it must be the tea where does tea there be cookies nearby the shot of this like massive revelation pans slightly down into the left to the cookie tray and billy's like and then it zooms in it does it does and then billy is like it's not important right now and then he has to zoom back out back to the torch of mccall and the tea and the flame thing and he's like why didn't I see that yeah and he holds his hand up and you can see the flame is like on his skin like his hand is burning and then he just goes he closes his fist and it snuffs out and jaunter's like amazing just incredible gives him a round of applause yeah it's a little clap and he goes oh no please the god of the flame provides oh okay so the other question what here is not what it appears to be I think this is a thing where it's like this isn't a thing that jaunter would tip this is billy putting together information so he's lying about what's happening in the principalities he says that maggie cole is bad at her job which I mean at least even according to billy that doesn't seem likely maggie was so good at her job yeah and she's annoyingly so yeah and you know that the way that like sweet caroline is so loyal and mears is like falling over himself around maggie like she's at the very least renowned amongst the menders because you know the the pinewood kids doing the recreation of the lone tree hill were bad the disarm creek theater society here was bad they should be good you know what I mean like the writing was bad the acting was okay but they were working with a bad script it seems like so what here is not what it appears to be is jaunter jaunter and billy opens his eyes and all of you open your eyes as well because while billy was scrubbing through his memories you were all seeing the exact same thing that he was seeing what somehow billy was sharing his memories with you these like old weird half remembered memories and you billy you look down at your hand and you realize you were gripping the glass ring from chamberlain in your hand oh my god holy shit uh so I mean yeah that's the situation something of some so let's recap what we learned from that discern realities perhaps the densest and most delectable discern realities gross to date we've ever done so what we learned was wow uh okay what was the first thing we learned uh the first thing we learned was the most the pile was seagulls I think it was the tea thing like I walked by and yeah and uh they and uh the torch of mccall and jaunter met up and I was like oh jaunter oh and he was like pouring the tea and it was cold and so the torch did the flame thing with his hands was that the second thing the first thing was what here is what here happened recently what we learned is that the menders were founded by the yeah the light guard there is and jaunter as a traveling musician or a traveling performer probably traveled town to town and maybe that's what all bard groups are who can say that it sets a precedent for traveling performers being mending groups and also the menders and the light guard only transmit information verbally yes it's the safest way to do so yeah that's the other thing because it can't be hacked they never write anything down yeah um and then the second thing you learned is that the torch of mccall is able to summon fire from his body so lame he but he did you see how smug he was about it yeah I did so like so show oh he was like no no no it was the it's the god of the flame so you get the idea that this is legit like a divine power that he was given by tuck's god and then the third thing you learned is that something is up with jaunter you've heard that the psalm creek theater society is good the plays were bad he's lying about maggie cole he's lying about what's happening in the principalities and he has all this fucking information about the fire and he's like oh my god I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna go to prison and I'm gonna go to prison and I'm gonna go to prison and I'm gonna go to prison and I'm gonna go to prison and I'm gonna go to prison and I'm gonna go to prison and I'm gonna go to prison and I'm gonna go to prison and I'm gonna go to prison and I'm gonna go to prison and slash Spout Lore or Spout Lore.com slash money, please.

Billy, you were a king? What? You were a king? I guess so. I haven't thought about that in a really long time. I won't think about that in a really long time. Join us at patreon.com for our upcoming Blades in the Dark campaign featuring the Cool Treat Kids and set in the High Spear Mall. Instead of recording that today, can we figure out what's happening next? Yeah. We can say, maybe I'll make you wait. Oh, thanks to Adam Coble and Sage LaTorre for inventing Dungeon World.

We really appreciate that. And thanks to Vincent Baker and Meggie Baker for inventing Apocalypse World, which is the game that Dungeon World is based on. All incredible games you can find on the internet. If that's not how you pronounce Meggie, I'm sorry. Thank you to you for listening. See you next time.

And so ends the tale of Adventures 3 Who tried the best they could Though dumb and scared and lost they'd be For times abreast in revelry And though our journey may be like a conclusion We will not leave you without a resolution Return next week to hear some more Whilst you commute or do your chores And for the rest of your life You are gladly spelled wrong And for the rest of your life You are gladly spelled wrong And for the rest of your life You are gladly spelled wrong And for the rest of your life