Episode 5 – Fear and Loathing in Black Glass

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape, and wields a spear with great might Peely's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends, and listen close For the tale's about to start Hello everybody and welcome to Spout Lore!

I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara Joining me as always, playing Tacoma Dome, the barbarian Abdul Aziz Hello everybody! Playing Ving, the half-elf druid, Paul Oppers Hello! And playing Fat Billy, the halfling thief, Jessica Tai Hello!

When last we left our heroes They had been reintroduced, reacquainted with a long lost quote unquote foe That they had completely forgotten The assassin, ex-pomegranate vendor, Lionel Mackenzie King Greatest reveal thus far in the show Oh thank you, that's the greatest one?

Oh man, I've been doing a terrible job They spent some time trying and failing and then succeeding In getting Lionel to reveal his tragic backstory Which primarily centers on vowing vengeance on the Wandering Three For their destruction of his pomegranate business But he has said that he is here to escort the party to the city of Blackglass for a masquerade ball Which he then did By sitting in the magical bar and transporting to his favorite place in all the world Doug Subbs Doug Subbs Here in the city He left you to your own devices Saying that your safety was contingent on your attendance at the masquerade ball So you had to go Yes, you had to go Preparing to return to Hither and Yon to prepare themselves for the masquerade ball The party found that the wandering bar had disappeared For what reason?

We are unsure Their keys left within the bar itself Oops And forced to spend their last six coins on subs that Lionel did not pay for The party hit the streets old school style To get some money in the form of Billy picking some pockets With their I'll gotten gains they went to Leavings A thrift shop in a downtrodden street of Blackglass City Such a horrible name Thank you I love it, I'd shop there Leavings? It means shit!

I don't care, I want it It means lots of stuff Then found themselves some outfits Quote unquote, unquote, unquote, unquote No, we're outfitted Tuck is wearing a cowboy outfit With a mask that looks like a cow Yeah He got off easy Yeah, I look like Wax from the Wax and Wayne series A reference that will surely mean the world to our listeners I think Brandon Sanderson has a bigger listener base than we do Yeah, maybe it's just me You know what?

Fair, fair point Just cause I haven't read the book I'm like no one's read that book Right? The Bible? No one's read that book Sean's definitely read the Bible Not familiar, not familiar Well yeah, every time I flagellate I have to read the Bible I can only get through the first few pages before I'm done though I'm flagellating right now, under the table Yeah, I have to do my flagellation exercises every day P.U. Uh, V.U. V.U.

Uh, Ving found a tuxedo, top hat, and shoes Most of one Billy decided he wanted to dress like the fanciest animal he can imagine, the wolf And is just wearing a wolf pelt that's very long And it's extremely formal It's extremely a golden retriever I have my tail one That's all you need It's beautiful And he has since forced us to treat him like a dog Yeah, he's been sleeping in a… Where's my fly undone? Mine was earlier too What's happening in here?

Wait a second, everyone check your fly, this is bonkers Guys, I don't have a fly All of our flies are done What's going on? Who's under the table? Show yourself Everything's over there Is that you, Ranran? What are you doing with our flies? I can't get it out now Duel's actual hand is in his actual pants hole Fuck Video episode Can't touch any of the dice Yeah, don't touch anything Oh man, that…

I saw the resistance with which you removed your hand Guys, I saw everything Oh man, we do see it all over there See it all It was a terribly good angle The party went to a upscale hotel to try and spy on the Blackhammer Palace And promised the front desk guy Rodney and his mother who lives in the back room That they would get them into the mansion And take a masquerade ball in exchange for their finest room for free They spied from their palatial suite Ving communing with the whispers Finding that the smog blanketing the city Has brought the spirits of this place to the absolute brink And that they are desperate for aid And will do anything in their power to help you If they are able to be placated or rejuvenated in some way We also discovered Callum Blackhammer Lounging As only evil villains do At the window of his palace With a glass of wine Before being joined By a one Victoria LeBlanc Pirate captain Of the sea of graves Pirate queen Pirate queen And My wife Tuck's wife And my wife Slightly estranged perhaps Perhaps a little estranged Immediately estranged Some would say Yeah Last time you guys Saw one another You sunk her boat And left her for dead On our wedding day Yeah After she tried To fuck me Failed because I passed out Because I ate too much juice Yep And then And then stabbed me Through the gut Yeah A pirate's wedding Yeah As we've been determining Every woman Who has either Almost had sex Or said they had sex with Might have just been Being nice to Tuck There's no There's no way to know Virgin confirmed Yeah I might still be a virgin There's no way There's no way to know I think we might need That pure pure blood For the final scene Perfect Virgin sacrifice Virgin sacrifice We're gonna My only job From this point on Where are we gonna get A virgin's blood Fuck Tuck Yeah And it seems to be Tuck's greatest fear Is that you'll Fuck Allison Again?

Again On Duel's actual face You didn't Fuck Allison Did you?

No But she maybe Fucked me I will I'll kill I will kill you Throw it back Uh I don't know I don't know That is where we find Our heroes now I'll kill you I'll kill you Which is why This secret may or may not Go to my grave with me I'll kill you If you If you do in the future Or have in the past Yeah I'll do it I'm laughing Nervously right now Oh well Uh that is where we find Our heroes now Having spied Victoria LeBlanc Through the windows Yeah We what Are we doing Jumping forward Is everybody seeing This at the same time Well Billy knows Cause he's my binoculars While I see it Cause I was like What do you see And then he's like Oh no It's my ex-wife Oh my god Victoria LeBlanc Victoria LeBlanc The Victoria LeBlanc And Billy has his His hands on my eyes So I take my hands And put them on his eyes Oh my god I can see it all You're right Excellent And we hear The bonging of bells Signaling that it is It's only been a few hours Since you got here It was the day So let's say it's 7pm I mean It's a night before Going in to see A major Foe Yeah We're all full Hit points right Yes Bing asks everybody Could do night time activities Yeah we could do some spying Some stealing Mmhmm Mmhmm Yeah I'm still looking at Victoria Through the Through the binoculars Yeah she's kinda got You know her arms Draped over the Around the neck of Callum Blackhammer Whoa In a very casual way She gives him like a Salacious kiss on the cheek Ugh No she like grabs He's looking out the window And she grabs him by the chin And turns his face Towards her and kisses him You hear like a A beer can Open And Tuck has Opened the mini fridge And grabbed a beer And he's drinking it No No It's $12 He fell for the trap Can't believe it Can't believe she's Cheating on me My wife is Cheating on me You tried to Cheat on her like Eight times Just because she's succeeding Doesn't make her a bad person I don't even think you've really Like called her anything either So Yeah With what Phone?

I don't know Like A bird Oman This is the first time I've heard you say her name Since she stabbed you I hear him say it a lot When he's sleeping Oh yeah Yeah Her name too Victoria LeBlanc Yeah Yeah when I'm sleeping alone In the bathroom I'll be like You say it really loud Tuck Yeah You know My bathroom naps Usually takes two or three Hours Minutes Minutes Uh I'm gonna kill Callum Black For his drugs so fast One Tuck doesn't drink very much One half of a beer He weighs 500 pounds This beer is 98% Down to one Bill Nautilus He's just got his own hand out there Yeah And he's just Watching what they're doing He can't even see them Because he's looking Through his own regular Human hands He's got double vision And Billy's getting bored Because he's like Just kissing There's nothing going on What are they doing now They left Oh They don't stand in front Of the window And keep kissing He kisses more That's what it means Uh huh Guys I gotta get in there You gotta see where What are you talking about I gotta see what they're doing You mean the palace right Yeah What do you mean Like I just gotta Find out what's happening You can't You can't be serious You need to let this go She's clearly let you go This is not gonna do Any of us any good I can't believe Just because I sunk her ship I think she really liked The ship though Did we definitely sink it Yep Yeah we sunk it Fuck 100% It was definitely our fault Yeah Okay You flew away As it was sinking And she was like Looking at you As it was sinking Into the ocean Well listen Tuck I'll follow you anywhere Okay well let's go Into this palace If we wanna do scouting Right now tonight Sneaky sneaky Yeah Sneaky sneak We could climb out The balcony Yep I start tearing up The bed sheet I'm gonna make us a ladder Don't worry Tuck We're gonna get To the bottom of this We can We're allowed to leave At the front door It's not We're not in prison Billy doesn't know that Yeah Cause he's like We fell for that fridge trap We gotta go out the window We're prisoners Yeah The fridge is holding Us prisoners If we go down there again They're gonna start Charging us for this room I know it We got it for free once We're not gonna get it again No Billy tore Yeah so Billy's Torn up the bed sheets They've extended 20 feet Down a several stories Tall hotel High count McCall and Cotton Okay Tuck has already Started shivving Not checking I'm not done yet What he's tied to I start tearing up The curtains too Yeah He Climbs over the edge With the With the curtain Realizes That Billy has not Tied it to anything And then grabs it And she's just like Around his waist You know With one hand Trying to belay him down Or whatever Whoa whoa whoa Billy does the kid thing Where he's like Laying stuff out He's like I'll put you here And then I'll go Over here And then it's gone To the very last Where this goes Billy grabs it And he's Now it's just like Stretching it He's like Captain America Trying to hold The helicopter down I'm Peter Parker With the train Yeah Yeah Yeah What's that face?

It's Chris Potomac McGuire being so ugly So are you guys You're sneaking out Of the hotel That you Legally are inside of? I guess so Alright Let's say Defy danger Dexterity I guess To get down To the ground level Climb down I do think this place Is like four or five Stories tall For everyone? Yeah I guess for everyone Yeah If everyone's sneaking Sneaking down Tech's pretty drunk Twelve I'm so good at this No problem Yeah So that's Six Three Three?

Okay I'll aid you Yeah Ten Okay Okay Thank you So that's a ten and a ten Seven Or ten and a seven So success Billy of course No problem Yes Popping down Windowsills I don't even need the rope Yeah I don't know I'm just That's great I'm just very fast And incredible That's so great The dog is really Rubbing off on you In a positive way And Ving you have a bit of trouble I was trying to dive to Cause the sheet ran out I was trying to Oh yeah Jump down there And catch Tuck Yeah Instead he just I missed him And he landed on the ground Before I could get down there I think the sheet thing Did happen where I just You think you fell five stories?

Yes Okay how much damage is that? I don't know How tall of a building is this? It's five stories You said five stars? What if you landed in something soft Like mud Maybe Yeah or like a Like a carriage A cart full of rags We might have got a couple stories out Worth all those sheets and curtains Oh yeah Sure yeah I used the top sheet And the fitted sheet You did?

Yeah And the curtains The fitted sheet is springy too Yeah totally And most of the toilet paper No So the fitted sheet is springy That's a good point So Tuck grabs onto it It does not hold him up at all He falls straight down It's not tight He slams into He slams into a cart full of hay And then the fitted sheet springs back He shoots up into the air And he slams into the cart full of hay And he slams back into the cart I don't think I'm not going to make you take damage necessarily But something bad happens Okay If you want it to be damage It can be damage I'm totally fine with it being damage The hay purveyor Roll a detail My dreams Can we make another enemy?

Two enemies so far I'll never forget this Three You take three damage And I have three armor Nice God so stupid No damage No damage You destroy a cart full of hay Yeah An old man standing next to it Goes Stephen McKenzie Harper Never forgets They're all Canadian Prime Ministers With the middle name McKenzie Another Canadian Prime Minister There's also a large group Kind of gathering around Because a gigantic man Just plummeted from the top of a hotel And slammed into a cart Kind of in the main square Across the street From the Princep Palace There's a bunch of people like Oh!

Oh! Tuck is still holding the beer And he's like Man If you'd seen what I just saw You wouldn't blame me For what I just did I can't believe what I just saw And you hear clank Tss Clank Tss What's all this then? The bobby bot The roe bobby Walks up and sees you Just laying on the ground And I go Hey officer Sorry This is a low point for me I've had a pretty hard night He's resisting He's resisting He's resisting Bam! Oh! It's a person of color He's in some kind of Mexican gang or something Stop!

Stop right there! Bang! Bang! Bang! I'm sorry officer I've had a terrible night Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Oh! A white man! Officer! Officer! There's been a huge misunderstanding Sir! Get out of the way! He's trying to attack you He's coming straight for you Look out! A dog? A dog of color! Get behind me! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! It's a dog A nearby adjacent dog Seemingly unrelated to the situation Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!

Rest easy citizens You're safe now Thank God he doesn't have a gun Rest easy citizens Bang! Bang! Bang! For the gun Disperse!

You have been protected They learned years ago They had to take weapons away from these guys But yeah you do see the robot officer See you On the ground Yes Standing above the crowd On its long mechanical legs And as it's like It seems like it's preparing to react And then There's like a whirring in the head And it lowers its arms Go about your business Just through the crowd That never happens Disperse people!

You've seen enough And uh The crowd begins to disperse But the camera sees Two figures in fine Tape Tailored suits Kind of Watching for a few seconds longer Before they disappear into the crowd The pickpocketers? To certain realities Where are they going? I want to follow them Let's follow them Duty 6 plus wisdom? Uh 6 plus 9 9 Oh I aid! Yes!

Yeah I lead the way I don't know I can see their ankles 10 Yeah you're a ragamuffin like them A thief I don't know I can see their ankles And also I am a dog now So I can smell where they're going I have I have acquired the sense of smell Of the dog whose skin I'm wearing Don't worry I'm a dog No There they are Puts the nose over his nose Three questions off the list Uh What should we be on the lookout for?

Uh It looked like these Folks were maybe just watching you Not necessarily trying to get your attention So you would be Yeah Trying to track them through the crowd Uh Billy yeah Your ankle height You see the The scuffed leather Kind of dress shoes Brogues The brogues of the Of these Pickpockets that you spotted As you were escaping from them Earlier in the evening This way everybody Yeah Gotta follow them If uh Who's really in control here Of this gang Hmm Uh You see As they are walking down the road There's two of them Like I said They're in their late teens Early twenties Like they're adults Is it the same ones we saw It appears to be Okay And they're wearing like Grey tweed suits With like Hats Uh Peaky blinders Uh Kind of peaky blinder Yeah I guess Uh Not flat caps But more like brimmed Like gentleman's hats Okay And they are Uh They get the attention Of one other Who kind of melts Into the crowd And you get the idea That there are There could be several more They're on the hunt Tuck is Is pretty drugged It looks like the hunt Have become the hunted Tuck's looking at a horse What the fuck Are you looking at Got you right where I want you You piece of shit God you're beautiful You wouldn't Fuck my wife Would you Would you Dude Dude Dude just a few seconds more than they should be.

And then they disappear again, almost like they are leading you away. They know we're trailing them. I'll do trap expert. Trap expert. Yeah. 26 plus dexterity. Ooh, six. Ooh, thank you. How are you? Ving is holding a belly up on my shoulders. Okay. I get a peek at the crowd. Seven. Excellent. So that's a, you get one question off the trap expert list. So what does the trap do when activated?

Ah, so, uh, you are, um, following through like ankle height or like Ving is like picking you up once in a while, you know, like a lantern to sort of see where they're going. You see like at the, a T intersection on the road that you are down, like another side road, you see one of them in their sort of like three piece, uh, tweed suit looking at a pocket watch and they see you, you make like direct eye contact with this young man.

He closed, closes his pocket watch and then very deliberately walks into a pub. Uh, it seems like they want to talk. Oh, Sean says they just want to talk. Okay. Okay. It's public space. And we have, do we have stuff on us? Yeah. Yeah. We need holy water, steaks. We need to meet them on consecrated ground. Are they vampires? Oh my God. They're vampires. I do have my own knife that I chewed. So you also have the one I gave you. Did you take that one? Yes. Okay. I'll erase it from my inventory.

Okay. So we're in agreeance to follow them in the pub. Yes. I'm interested in what's going on here. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, yeah. So you've been led like a few streets away from the palace, uh, into a smoky side street. Everything's smoky. Uh, the gas lamps lighting the way. Yeah. Um, the crowd is starting to thin out as even if you can't tell that it's night, people's natural, you know, circadian rhythms are starting to take over and they're heading home. Oh, a lot of yawn. We can see a lot of yawning.

Yeah. And then everybody starts yawning. When I said that, I looked over at Justin. Was yawning too. Yeah. We're all yawning. The tavern's called the yawning goat. Oh yes. Great. And it's got the, it's got a wood cutout sign of a goat with its mouth wide open and its head back. There's like a little thingy, a pulley system. So it's like yawning. Yeah. It's head tips back. Every time the door opens. It dumps a barrel of beer into it. Totally nice.

Just like a clack, clack, clack, clack, clack, clack, like ropes and pulleys. I like that a lot. And you head in and it is a pretty cramped squat, like low roof. The bar is like immediately when you walk in, like the, the short side of the bar and then long all the way down, there's booths on the far left side in the back.

The lights are pretty dim in here and it's just a bunch of people having beers, stew, stew, hearty foods, easy drinks, drinks, drinks, drinks, drinks, drinks, drinks, drinks, drinks, drinks, Some sort of music happening here? There's a, there's a couple people playing a mandolin and a concertina. Tuck walks up to the bar. He's like, give me a beer. No outside food or drink. You have to leave your beer outside. He drinks it all in one go. He skulls it. And then eats the bottle.

All right, give me a beer now. All right, one beer. I just saw my wife cheating on me. Oh, that's rough. That's the story of roughly 40% of the people in here. And I go around and look around. I've got a ton of drinks for everyone. Who's wives have cheated on me. I wanted a free drink, but not like this. Not like this. There's one guy in the corner. It's like, fuck, I'm an alcoholic with a faithful wife. My wife would never fuck anybody else. And I fucking hate it. I'm so thirsty. Right now.

I hate it more than anything. Belinda, you gotta fuck church. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. It's coming to me. It's coming to me. It's coming to me. It's coming to me. It's coming to me. It's coming to me. It's coming to me. It's coming to me. It's coming to me. It's coming to me. It's coming to me. It's coming to me. It's coming to me. It's coming to me. It's coming to me.

It's coming to me. It's coming to me. It's coming to me. It's coming to me. It's coming to me. It's coming to me. It's coming to me. It's coming to me. It's coming to me. It's coming to me. It's coming to me. It's coming to me. For a couple for a beer. Oh, jeez. Pints. Why are we doing this? Why did you give me the money? I offered it to you. I take his coin purse. You have 11 coins left. And at the back of the bar, you see two people.

The third has apparently disappeared, but you see two people in tweed suits. Refresher, what's my greatest threat? Your greatest threat, you get the vibe. You're like looking at the people in the back and you see that they are probably armed, like knives, brass knuckles, the like, but you don't get the vibe that they are a threat. And you hear the like clank hiss, clank hiss of the Roe Bobby outside. And you figure that's probably your biggest threat.

These people don't seem to want anything malicious from you. Okay, cool. We go up to them. Yeah. All right, they're sitting there. I walk up pretty cool like a cowboy. With the energy of a wolf. Wow. This is the coolest two things in the world. All right. That really bit into me. I walk up to them real cool, like a cowboy with the energy of a wolf. How are you doing? Howdy, boys. Thank you. I literally do that. Yeah. And one of them has, you know, a pock. Howdy. Yeah. Yes. Jess, you're loose.

Gotcha. This is the hardest thing I've ever seen you laugh. She's not going to stop. Oh my God. She loves it. She won't stop until you subscribe to Patreon and check out her laughing. Wow. Whoa, this one's getting her good. There was one other time that we got her going this good. Yeah. Was it directly after half of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? Because it could be that. It was one of the classic ones. One of the classic ones. Yeah. It was in Mark's basement.

I remember you laughing so hard. It's probably some dumb butt joke. Maybe some dumb butt joke. Yeah. She's got a cooler joke. Her cheek's down. She's laughing so hard. She's laughing so hard. It's a good thing we opened up the AC vents. She's in pain. Okay. All right. Don't you dare take a drink of that. You're going to spritz it all over us. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. This is how hard Billy's actually laughing. Because he's so impressed with his own coolness.

We've stood there for like a minute while Billy laughs to himself. It's just good to see him happy like that, you know? He's having such a good time. I feel like we're doing our job. We've had a really hard few weeks. Yeah. Okay. He's really working through some stuff right now. Be serious, Billy. Yeah. Howdy. Hello there. You've been following us. Have we now? How would you know that if you weren't following us? We know that because you wanted us to follow you.

How do you know we wanted you to follow us if you ain't been following what we've been following? Because before we started following you, you were following us. Ah, right you are. Right you are. Why don't you join us at our table, gentlemen? Tuck takes a chair, flips it backwards, sits on it backwards. Oh my God. Tucks sits, turns around. So now he's facing away with the chair. He's like, climb, climb, climb, climb.

Pulls the chair up, puts it backwards, sits on it the right way, slowly turns back around. He does. Here's what happens. He pulls the chair out and he does the right. He tries to do the Riker where he puts his leg over it. Over the chair? But he accidentally does a spin and sits on it backwards so he's facing away. And then he jimmies it around. Howdy, cowboy. Howdy, cowboy.

You know, the one you've been talking to, this hungry, lean looking man, high cheekbones, gaunt cheeks, lights a hand-rolled cigarette. So I understand that you've come to attend the masquerade bowl. Word travels quickly around these parts. Ting. Where the fuck did you get to dip? Ting. It's at the bar. It's just a big bowl of tobacco that people are taking stuff out of. I don't know why people are eating this. It's disgusting. It's ting. Ting. It just keeps coming. I don't know what's coming.

Ting. It's never ending. Ting. Well, that's quite a high ticket event as I'm sure you've heard people around town saying. People are desperate to get into it. Aren't they just? Are you? We could probably get you in there. Fuck. Well, well, well. I find that hard to believe. But I might just take you up on that. No guarantees. Why don't you tell us what you're up to? I'll represent an organization looking to find entry into the masquerade bowl. Relieve the princeps of some of his finer goods.

Like what? Oh, you know. Various sundries. Perhaps a crown or two. What for? What else? Money. Money. Money for what? Who do you represent? Roll something. Charisma, I think. 26 plus charisma. Ooh, zero charisma. I got a six. Oh, help. He's still spinning his chair around so loud. Do the thing. Seven. Seven? Yeah. So that makes that a seven? Yeah. Great. There it goes. Yeah. Answer the question or I'll fucking kill you. I lean in and I say he's not gonna kill anybody.

Is that my wife fucking another guy today? He might kill that guy. He might kill that guy. That guy he's talking about right now, that's the guy he might kill. You're new to town, so you don't know anything about the Brass Castle gang. Tell us. We're just an organization of, let's say, less than legal mercantile types. I know those types. I respect that. Rob the rich and sell to the poor. Yeah. And he kind of points his cigarette at you. Right you are. Huh. Yeah.

This city is in a bit of turmoil lately and my higher ups are looking to expand our operations a little bit. Who are your higher ups? Oh, I can't tell you the name of my employers. I'm sure you can do that. Is it Guy Ritchie? There's a real gentleman vibe to this whole thing now. Ding, ding, da-ding. Yeah, it's got a real plucky string. That's the music that the guy at the… Oh, yeah. He's playing a hammered dulcimer. Yeah. Ding, ding, da-ding, da-ding, da-ding, da-ding.

Yeah, so I pull out a pewter cup with blue stones in it. Whoa. Yeah. And I want to do wealth and taste. I grab a jug of water. I pour water into that cup and I'm swishing it around like wine and I'm sniffing it like, you know. Like you saw Callum do. Like I saw Callum do to his wine. Yeah. So you don't have to roll wealth and taste. Does he want it? He wants the… He sees his eyes start to glitter when he looks at the cup. Now, see, that's the kind of finery that we're looking for. Oh, this?

This whole thing? You have more of that? I don't know. You have an ability to get more of that? I don't know. Do you have an ability to tell me the names of the people you represent? I can tell you the name of a man that you've never met, if that's what you want. Can you take us to meet him? If you think you can get more of that, he points at the cup. Sure, I can. I push it over to him. You can have this one for one name. Does the name… Does the name Sam Deering mean anything to you?

Not at all. Not at all. Dang it. I thought it… I thought it… No. I thought it would know. He moves the cup to the other side of the table. What was your plan in this situation? I thought he would tell us cool stuff and end up being the name of someone I don't care about. Sometimes names revealed have a big effect on us, and sometimes they don't. Sometimes they don't. And you know what? I picked wrong this time. That's gone. Fuck. That guy is worth a try. What? You can spend all our money.

I can't spend all my… The cup? I thought it was fine. You're like, I am not faulting you for doing this. I thought it was a great swing. You whiffed it, but it was a great swing. Yeah, so we don't really need to hear… I mean, it doesn't really matter. You've shown us that. They represent… I mean, we don't know what they're doing with this money. Yeah, what are they funding? Are they funding anything? The community stuff. Do you guys have like a manifesto or a pamphlet we can read?

What's your deal? Our manifesto is quite simple. Make money. For who? Is it the community? Yeah. I mean, I suppose in a sense. We provide services to the community. Like what? Oh, you know, gambling. Smuggling. Pipe weed and the like. Okay, yeah. Vice. Mostly vice. Mostly vice. Is there any kind of community organizations? Like a community center?

Yeah, there's a community organization that comes together and lets their dogs run on a track and then they all bet on which dog's going to get to the end first. Fun for the dogs. Fun for the dogs. Yeah. I would like that. It actually is fun for the dogs. The dogs love it. I almost like this guy now. I don't not like this guy. It's just a little, um, just a little opportunity, I suppose.

If you want to, you know, complete your goals, whatever they are at the masquerade ball, and also maybe make a bit of coin on the side. Well, I mean, if we're laying you in, you're going to have to do something for us. How's that? Watch our back. Yeah, exactly. They've invited us. We've invited us here for a reason. We're not quite sure what that reason is. We could use some extra eyes and ears in there. Oh, you're going into this situation with a knife at your back. Is that what you're saying?

We have a knife in our balls. Placed there by my wife. I smashed the bottle. What he means to say is his wife might be in on it, too. Have you heard of a lady named Victoria LeBlanc? He kind of spits up his drink a little bit. Victoria LeBlanc. Spits into the computer cup. He's drinking one drink. He spits into the cup that Billy gave him. Victoria LeBlanc is your ex-wife? She's my current wife. Current wife. Sorry, he puts a hand over his mouth. You're married to Victoria LeBlanc?

This meeting's over. Sort of separate. No, no, no. This meeting's over. No, no, no. Stop. And I grab his wrist desperately. You grab his wrist and there's a knife at the base of your chin. Hey, hey, hey. Easy little fella. Easy. And I take a drink while he's threatening me. Easy. That is a power move. And he kind of looks down at your hand like, huh? They were married for a moment. One night. Yeah. Technically, they're still married. We haven't seen her for many, many months.

We sunk her ship the last time we saw her. She's not too happy with us. Yes. The marriage was legal by maritime law and we have not had an annulment. But it is possible because we never consummated. All right. I've been there before myself. A time or two. Yeah. Those maritime marriages. And he puts his knife back under his coat and like his little holster. How do you know her? Victoria LeBlanc. She's one of the most feared pirate captains of the Sea of Crows. Yeah.

I just thought if you knew her personally. Oh, I've tangled with her. Like an adult way. What the fuck is that? Yeah. The Turk's eyes mirror. No, no, no. Hold on. What the fuck does that mean? He feels his bones creak under your grip. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What I mean is. What is Turk's eyes mirror? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I think being this close to a demonic force is actually fucking with Turk.

It must be. What I mean is that she has a criminal network in the city that we have tangled with a time or two before. I see. She is a serious source of illegal goods into the city. And the Brass Castle gang takes umbrage with that because that is what we would like to do. Okay. So she's kind of like an enemy of yours too then. She's cutting your grass. Agreed. I actually did not know she was back in the city. That makes things quite a bit more dangerous. She's in the palace with Callum. Ah.

Fucking his brains out right now. I'm starting to understand the shape of the situation. She's probably reversing Callum girl all over him. She's sucking and fucking her way through. She's probably up there pegging the shit out of Callum Blackhammer right now. What a fucking piece of shit that guy is. I'm not even sorry I killed his brother. You. Killed. Colm Blackhammer. Hey. Keep it on the down low. Okay? That's you three. You're the three. Any points. Tuck. Billy. Invict. That's right.

Well I'll be. What's your name? I'm Arthur Tremaine. Arthur Tremaine. Call me Artie. Artie. Artie. I like your vibe Artie. Thank you. I am quite frightened by yours. Thanks. Mind taking your hand off my wrist? Alright. My fingers are getting numb. I let go. I let go. He kind of flexes his hand. I like that Tuck was doing this. He's like so little. Tiniest little wrist. Artie is quite a skinny guy. Alright. Alright. Well. Here's my proposition. You help me. Maybe a couple of my boys.

Get into the palace for the masquerade. We. Maybe relieve the princeps of a few choice items. And we also watch your back in case Victoria LeBlanc has anything planned for you. Or Callum. Or Callum. Blackhammer I suppose. I am. I'm gonna be honest with you. This guarantee of safety seems suspect. So I do believe that if we walk in there they're not letting us walk out. Not without a fight at least. So then it's agreed. Agreed. We're in partnership. He puts a hand out. Ting. You spit on it?

I also spit on it. Oh. He kind of looks expectingly at Tuck. I spit in his hand. And then I shake it. Oh. Oh. That's so much saliva. You need to drink more water, big guy. I am drinking right now. This is mostly water. All right then. You just need to draw a little bit of attention away from me and my boys on the way in. I think we have that covered. I feel like you know the city better than we do. So you just tell us when and where and leave the rest to us. Certainly.

I'll meet you at the front gate. Upon the sixth ring. Tomorrow? Tomorrow. For the ball. When the ball was happening. For the ball. 8 O' PM. Oh, thank God. Sorry. The 18th ring. We can arrange a distraction. Can you please arrange an apple cart to be nearby? Any fruit will do really. Any fruit really. He looks at you kind of puzzled. What about pears? Pears will do. Pears I can do. Pears I can do. Great. All right. Have a great night. Artie. You too. Fling. I fling him a coin.

He snatches it out of the air and holds it up to the barman, puts it on the table, and then kicks back and enjoys the rest of his night. So you've made a tentative deal with the Brass Castle gang. Wow. That was really easy. That was super nice. I feel like I should be drunk more. I do like this vibe. It really helps. Yeah. You were way more chill than you've ever been with somebody that we needed to. RLA with. This is only, this is not related at all.

I remember we were, you and I were driving around after a show one time and we were just riffing and you were like, what's going on, man? This is great. And I was like, oh, I had a couple of drinks. You were like, you should have a couple of drinks more often. You're awesome when you're drunk. It was like we had a good show and we were driving around. Yeah. You should try being drunk more. It does lubricate situations. Oh yeah. Sometimes just a little bit. You get out of your own way. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Get out of your own way. Just a tiny touch. Don't drink. Stay in school. Yeah. Yeah. We're all teetotalers by the way. None of us drink except for Paul who's now drinking. Except Paul just opened a- Oh, it's too good. A warm- A margarita. A margarita. Oh, jealous. 11%. There's another one. Do you want one? Is it also mango? No, this one's mango. The other one's pineapple. I haven't sipped it yet. Line please. Oh.

Oh my God. Bad? No, it's so stiff. Are you going to be okay? Okay. That is so good. That is so good. That's very good. Good taste. Okay. So do you just, you leave the yawning goat? Yeah. Yeah. Right. Where else do we go? Yeah. I love it so much. I love drunk duck. This is the thing. Can I just turn realities again and figure out why my tolerance to alcohol just wouldn't plummet? I don't think you necessarily need to roll for that.

I think it might be like proximity to whatever the smoke is doing. Yeah. Do you want me to grab you a road beer? Yes. I'd take one from a table. While a guy's turned around and just- Drive a road beer? Here's one. Yeah. There's a couple of tables outside. Yeah. Just snatch one off. And yeah, you head off into the city. Do I need to roll? I think it's the smoke. I mean, what would you even roll? Why would you roll? You're guessing. This is a good guess. Yeah. There's something demonic in the air.

You could try and dissociate. Yeah. Oh yeah. If I wanted to, if I need to get it together, I'll weaponize dissociation. Yeah. It's a good idea. Yeah. It's a good idea. Yeah. I think it's a good idea. Yeah. So, Tuck is, yeah, absurdly susceptible to alcohol right now for some reason. I think it's kind of like when we were in the mine and Tuck got really sick really fast going down. It's sort of the same thing. What? Can I have your eraser, please, Tuck? Thanks, sweetheart. It's okay. What?

So, you've got like roughly 24 hours before the masquerade. So, what's your plan for the rest of the night? Let's go to find some slots. Oh, I want to go to the masquerade. I want to go to an herb shop. Oh, herb shop. Tinctures and poisons. Oh, yeah. You can do some shopping for sure. Yeah. Yeah. You can do some shopping for sure. They have a night market. Oh, I'm going to go- Ah, night market. Liquor store. I'm going to get some wine wood. Oh, yeah. I'll come with you.

You guys are leaving Billy alone in the city by himself? I'm brave. I'm drunk. They're beside each other. No one's going to touch me. He's on a leash. He's on a long leash. Yeah. The leash is going out of one's door. I forgot to wear a leash. Yeah. Yeah. I'm brave. Walks away with the leash on. We just retract him. Okay. Let him go. Come here. Yeah. So you find an herb shop. What's the herb shop called?

There's like a big, you know, like one of those like open market courts, like the squares like they have in European cities. There's a bunch of stalls and shits. Pants and stalls. Yeah. Oh, and it's got like a glass roof. Like it's one of those like kind of arcades. Sort of covered. Yes. Yeah. Totally. Yeah. So there's a booth. Who does, what does the herbalist look like? Wearing a lot of robes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, some of their stuff. Oh, very robed. Very enrobed.

Ah, welcome young master to my booth. View my wares. Poisons and tinctures. Herbs of all kinds. I will view them. Thank you very much. Do you have, do you have any sneaky poisons like any that can be applied by touch? Ah, poisons applied by touch. Or in drinks. The thief's tool. The assassin's friend. Exactly. In drinks. Disgusting. But just the way it is. You know. You know. I like it. Come over here, young sir. I like that there's a boof, boof, boof in the background.

He's like, get out of here, you wretch. I mean, I don't sail to underage, boys. My liquids are purely medicinal in nature. Come over here if you want the ingestible poisons. I do want it. Ah, wonderful. And he crouches down and he opens a cabinet. And then he opens a secret drawer which inside has a smaller cabinet that he opens. And inside that is one smaller drawer. I love it. And inside is a small vial which he opens and there's another drawer. No, there's a small vial.

Is this perhaps what you seek? What's it called? The dreamless sleep. Ah, the dreamless sleep. A single draft is enough to kill a family of elk. That's so specific. They have to be related. To one another. Elk move in giant herds. The genetic component is key. Will that work on regular humans? A regular human is quite a lot smaller than an elk. I assume it would kill two families worth of people. That's perfect. I'll take it. Really? Yes. Oh, I should have… What do you need this for? Yes.

This little kid's like, I'll take it. Wait a second. Actually, now that I think about it, tell me a little bit more about your goals. Is that part of it? Do you have to? I thought that part was secret. I feel morally responsible. Oh, no. How old are you? Oh, you wouldn't believe how old I am. That usually means not old enough to buy poison. I've touched many poisons. I've never heard of this one. It sounded cool. Oh, yeah? Tell me a… You never roll a charisma.

This is an extremely potent poison he's about to sell you. Eleven. Yeah. Okay. I suppose we've already established that I shouldn't ask you what you're going to do with this poison. No. The dreamless sleep. One of the most potent poisons to exist. Distilled from the tears of a hanged man. Whoa. He cried a lot. He had a hard time with the being hanged part. But don't worry. He himself was a racist. He was a racist. And he bred racist elks, which is the only way I know this poison works.

I tested it on exterminating all the most racist I brought into a racist elk wedding. Cleared the whole scene. Okay, I feel a little bit better about buying that then. Stupid. I'm also going to need some tinctures. Tinctures? Tinctures, you say. As well. Such as? The stuff that heals you if you get stabbed a lot. Ah. Heals you if you get stabbed a lot. Well, as we've established, there's only one truly potent healing substance in the world. And it is wine.

But I can sell you several medicinal herbs that would make the act of being stabbed slightly less impactful, shall we say. I'll take it. Ah, very well. This is known as the sleepless dream. Wait a second. What? Does he only have one thing? No, he has two. Look at Sean's fingers. I'm holding two bottles. Hold on a second. But if that's going to kill two families worth, what's that going to do to just me if I get stabbed a ton?

Well, if you get stabbed a ton after taking the sleepless dream, you won't care so much about being stabbed. You're a fraud. I am not. How dare you? How could you? I didn't go to nine years. I didn't go to nine years of Alchemist's College to be called a fraud by some boy. I only asked for a healing tincture. You're going to sell me poison to off myself. No, no, no, no, no. I'm a child. Pretty sure Alchemist's College is only two years. Yes? Well, it took me nine. Someone says that walking by.

From an adjacent booth. It took me nine, Gregory. He's making ropes. Okay. Okay. So what will it be? The dreamless sleep or the sleepless dream? Wait. This one's the sleepless. No, wait. Fuck. No, it's this one. This one's the poison for sure. One is poison and the other one is healing? One is poison. The other is kind of anesthetic of sorts. It's pain reliever. It's like a pain reliever. There's only one way to tell for sure. I can't read. I have to tell you both of them.

There's only one way to know which one is which. He puts them both on the table. He unscrews the cap on one. No, don't do it. Unscrews the cap on the other. I didn't mean it. Don't worry. You're not a fraud. You're not a fraud. Don't do this to yourself. So, the dreamless sleep and the sleepless dream. You know what? I'll take the poison because then that way I'm probably not going to get stabbed. Ah, you are a true poisoner. The best defense is a good poison. I agree.

Now, I believe I can let go of this small vial containing but three doses for, oh, I say, 60 coin? Oh, whoa. My word. That is a wild amount. I could pay you five. Five? Use all the taste. Five? Use all the taste. This is to steal from the tears of a hanged man. Yeah. Locally foraged. I mean, you said he's a racist. I had to frame a racist man. Oh, my God. I had to frame a racist for the death penalty. And then I had to kill several elk. I just don't know if it's worth it. This is unbelievable.

He starts putting it, he puts it back in a little drawer that slides into a small thing. I take out Amma's teapot and I just start looking at it. Whoa, you're going to give away Amma's teapot? Oh, maybe I shouldn't. I don't have anything that I can. I mean, what else are you going to do? I can't, I don't have. No. Those are good jesters. I have my fun blade. Your jelly knife? Oh, the jelly knife? Yeah. That is your most prized possession? That is my prized possession. I don't know, yeah.

I hold it up to him and I'm, or I hold it up to him. He throws his hands up. Five coins. Five coins is crazy. Five coins is crazy. I'm losing my mind. I'm losing my shirt. Five coins. Better your shirt than your life. Holy shit. He pulls out a knife and he points it at you. Whoa, I'm a child. 40 coins. 40 coins? I want the knife with my… Fuck! Eight coins. 20 coins. I disarm him. Oh, okay. That's a move. Throw a 2d6 plus dexterity. Uh, 12. Unbelievable. Wow.

This person's very bad with a knife. They are. They're a poisoner. The knife flies out of their hands. I hold… I grab it and I hold it both. 10 coins. Okay. Well, I'm gonna have a real fuck of a time finding more hanged man's tears. But I suppose I can let it go for 10 coins. You know what? Eight coins. Wait, no, hold on a second. You can have your knife back. Ah, I see. Eight coins and my knife. My parents' knife. Their wedding knife. I suppose eight coins and my knife back.

But if you kill anyone with that poison, you have to let… Let them know that I sold it to you. That's no problem. Great. So… What's your name? My name is… I need a stupid name. Cref Smushlet. Cref Smushlet. My name is Tom Smushlet. I have a brother who is more famous than I. Tom Talong. Tom Talong. Tom Talong. Dom Talong. Dom. My name is Dom Talong. Dom Talong. Dom Talong. Master Poisoner. Send them here to the third tent of the… What's this place called? The Night District. With a K.

Sure. The Night Market. That's cool. Send them to the… The Night's Market. Dom Talong, Master Alchemist and Poisoner in the Night Market Night Market. I will do so. Good day to you, young boy. May your murders be swift, and your victims be many. And you see him start… Poisons! Poisons! One's called Sleepless Dream. Dreamless Sleep? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Did you have eight chords? Oh, wait a second. Yeah. I assume… Wait. You didn't have… You can spend the coin. Yes, yes. Okay.

So Billy comes running in. Thank you. I'll be right back. You feel the chord in the lead start going… As Billy runs back into the room. And then all of a sudden, I'm like, Wait, Billy? Oh, wait. Where's my coin purse? I need a coin. Stop by. I'll be right back. He's going to be pickpocketed. And eight. Eight. So we have two. Yeah. And the camera stays inside the liquor store, which is an actual liquor store that's near the Night Market. Yes. What's this liquor store like?

It looks like every liquor store in Canada. So there's just like fridges with like glass fronts. It's like a 23-year-old working. Yeah. Small barrels. Small barrels. Small casks. You bring your own… That's a bring-your-own-bottle wine store. Oh, that's cool. I like that. Oh, cool. Bring your own… Mason jars. They sell it by weight. Yeah. Yeah. It's like a bring-your-own-cup slurpee day, but for alcohol. There are people walking out with like garbage bags full of alcohol. Whoa. All right.

So you wanted what again? Winewood. Winewood. Do you care about winewood? Yeah. Let me check. He goes through the back door. The door just takes a long time closing, and you see he's reading a book. Fuck. What's he reading? What's he reading? Yeah. Yeah. Go ahead. Roll to certain realities. 2D6 was wisdom. Nice. I got 12. Great. Three questions off the list. What book is he reading? You see the name of the author of Love and Lust. Do we have a name for this author? No, I don't think so.

Oh, my God. It's called Lust Infinite. Yeah. Because the first one was Love and Lust. The second one was Lust Unbound. Then the third one is Infinite Lust. Yeah. So you see Infinite Lust, and you see, again, two shirtless knights who are wearing like arm armor, but no chest armor, and then helmets, and they're locked in an embrace. Yeah. I think it might be like a time loop book. Because then there's two younger versions of them underneath also embracing. Yeah. Something's going on over there.

Ooh. But the door closes, and then a few minutes later, it's a long time you're standing out here. Well, while I'm waiting, because I'm back in the wine store with you guys. Oh, okay. Yeah. Okay. You came to give us the two coins back? Yeah. I gave you the two coins. I say, sorry, but I think you'll be happy with what you have. What I bought. Wink. What did you buy? Poison. What kind? Like the kind that makes people like you? No. Like, it'll kill elks. That's how much poison is in there.

Tug leg looks like, what the fuck? And he looks at Vic, and he's like, this is not a thing that we have allowed in the past. One of my best friends is an elk. I don't know. I tug in on you. I'm like, can I have a jar? What? What do you want? What's a jar for? I just want it. For juice. For juice? Yeah. Yeah. Here's a jar. Okay. I would like to steal some wine wood. Oh, okay. Can I try? Yeah, totally. You'd have to sneak into the back. I'll sneak. All right. 2d6 plus dexterity. 10. Nice.

Son of a bitch. Sick. So the door, you slowly creak the door open, moving it in just such a thiefy way that the hinges don't squeak. The 23 year olds reading the book and you see them like looking at their book, but kind of reaching up and like pushing, like clanking stuff around. Just like, wow, it's really hidden back here. Can't find it. Page turn. Clank, clank, clank, clank. Yeah. And I recognize like the label I've seen on wine wood bottles. So it's a picture of Merbo.

I was going to say, yeah, that's exactly what I saw. He looks like Harry and the Hendersons when he smiles. The cheesiest thing in the world. Because they suck at branding. Faulty. Yeah. So he fills the jar while just quietly. Oh, this will be tricks of the trade. You're stealing. Yeah, I'll do it. Nine. Okay. So what is a seven to nine on this? I'll aid. Yes. How so? Well, I'm just like, have you found it yet, boy? Young man. Garcon. All right. Yeah. Go ahead. Distracting him.

Well, he's back there. Is there a little bell you can ring? Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Nine. Nine. Nine. Okay. So that makes it a 10. Yes. Okay. I get three hold. Tricks of the trade. Oh, sorry. I do it. No problem. Sorry. I always read the wrong one. So you fill a mason jar. This is because you're drunk, Jess. I'm not. You should two sips of the trade. You're drunk on nothing. I'm drunk on coffee. You're drunk on pretending to be drunk. I know.

It's pretty great. Like that time in your backyard. Yeah. I still remember that. What? With the joke. Remember we were up late and then you got drunk on pizza. Oh. Keto ice cream. Sitting outside. Yeah. It was so fun. It was great. Yeah. Oh, right. When I made that Robert De Niro joke. Sometimes. No, this one. This one time. This one time Robert De Niro got my mom pregnant with me. This one time. That's a great joke. That's a great joke. Oh, yeah. And you find like, yeah, you find it.

It's like a big, it's a big box, like a cardboard box with Merbo on it. Mm-hmm. You assume the words above must say wine would. It's gotta be him. Yeah. It's a big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, And you grab the little tab, press the little rubber button down and fill a mason jar with wine. Mm-hmm. Doesn't even notice me.

Makes him dress like a dog. And he's just like stopped pretending and he looks enraptured by this book. He's breathing so fast. Uh-oh. And he's flipping the page as quickly as he can. Ugh. He's like tripping over trying to flip the page. Oh, I know that means I have to go. No way. No way. Oh my God, no way. It's so hot. I bring you the jar. How many servings do we think this is? I don't know. Two. Two. Okay. Which is enough to heal 20 hit points. Okay, yeah. Great.

And I think we have- Thanks, Billy. You're welcome. Good boy. Who's that good boy? Scratch your teeth. That's me. I think we have been crafty about it in the past where we know that a bottle is 20 total healing points, letting you guys kind of like sip off of them. Oh, okay. Sip. Oh, okay. To use up 20 worth of healing points. I see. So we don't have to use all of it at once. But if you wanted debility, you got to drink one full serving. Okay. Okay.

Okay, so you've got a mason jar full of stolen wine and one of the more potent poisons that supposedly has ever been made. Never mind. Thanks anyways. Yeah. Oh my God, no way. All right. Tech grabs another beer on the way out and steals it. So- Just imagine you're like under one. We're just, it's like, I just had the image of you guys wandering through a market with Tuck with like a paper bag wrapped around your finger. Oh my God. Totally. We're in Vegas with Tuck. He's drinking a beer.

He's got a really, it's so tall. He grabbed the tallest one he could find. It's shaped like this. Yeah. Like an hourglass. Like an hourglass. Yeah, it's got a really long stride of it. And a really long paper bag. Yes. It was for a baguette. It was for a baguette. It was for a baguette. It was for a baguette. It was for a baguette. It was for a baguette. It was for a baguette. It was a baguette from a bakery. That's great. Yeah.

So if there's anything else you guys are looking for at the market, this is a night market. Pretty bustling. Is there an herb? Oh, the herb guy. Yeah. Is there like a food, a cookery stand? Oh, sure. There's lots of food here. Yeah. Okay, great. I want to go to a dry goods cookery ingredient stand. Oh, like a place for people who cook. Yeah. Does he sell ingredients and cookware and stuff? Yeah. You find somebody that sells like cookware and spices. Spices and herbs. Hey, Saffron. Hello.

Wrapped in robes. Dom Talong, master cooker. Oh, God. It's the other side of the booth. Please spy upon spices galore. Wait, what? Sauces from lands unknown. There's a bunch of geofiero donkey sauce that he puts to- The donkiest of sauces. Then there's also, we see on the back of him, he's put a mask and like has- Oh my gosh, yes. The back of his clothes. That are like fake. Yeah. To scare away people that are trying to steal from the other booth. Like a tiger's false eyes or whatever.

So what draws your eye? Could it be the tastiest marjorams from the southern wilds or Panusian peppers? The spice of which is enough to kill a family of health. Or some health jerky. Unrelated sauces and spices. Poison content. Not guaranteed. Not guaranteed. Some elk which feasted upon the spiciest peppers. Or some elks which feasted on the deadliest poisons. And then he looks at it and he's like, wait a minute. No, wait. This is the pepper one. There's only one way to know for sure.

No, no, no, no, no. My good man, are you selling any saffron? Saffron, you say? Please. Now, why would I sell such a thing as saffron? Clank, hiss. Clank, kiss. As a robot walks by. Saffron, as we all know, is a controlled substance in the boundaries of black glass. I may have some saffron right over here. Perfect. He opens a little cabinet and a secret drawer opens up. And inside an even smaller cabinet, he has a tiny little vial of saffron. How much?

I think I could let this go for 60 coins, perhaps. Pull out a knife. He pulls out a knife. I disarm him. Oh, no. No. 12. No. Damn it. The knife flies out of his hand. I catch his knife. I point it back at him. Ah, drat. You wouldn't happen to know a small boy in a dog skin, would you? I hide under the table. You've met my son. Ah, I can see the lineage is strong. Perhaps I could interest you in tasting a little poison. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. They're made from the tins.

The tears of a hanged man. From a hung elk. An elk with a huge cock. Only the elks with the fattest hogs. How much saffron can I get for two coins? This is all the saffron I have. Saffron within the boundaries of black glass has been seized and destroyed. I mean, could I… Is there anything that you need done in this market? Perhaps a favor? I scratch your back. You saffron mine. I mean, as a poisoner, I mean a cooker. Of a chef, I suppose. I have no shortage of enemies. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

I won't kill for saffron, but I… You won't kill, you say? I won't kill. What will you do? Mame? Mame. Ah, their eyes light up. Mame, you say? There's got to be somebody who's outselling you. What about that weird herbalist over on the other side? There's just another herbalist. Another herbalist. Like, I'll go fuck that guy up. Hmm. Hmm. Well, I suppose… Yeah, go ahead and roll a 2d6 plus parlay. Three. Yeah, that ain't gonna do it. No, that… That herbalist over there? I could never.

And their eyes start to water. Oh. He and I share a bond that you wouldn't understand. That's my husband. Sort of. He points at Tuck, who's in a fight with a guy at a meat pie cart. Tuck takes a drink. He takes a sip of beer and then spits it in his face. Man, I just said one per customer. It's free samples. Calm down. Fuck you, man. If they're free, it doesn't matter. If you live in a free world, give it to me. Fine. Take them. Fuck. Fuck you. And then he spits more beer in his face.

Love could be complicated. It's just unrequited love even more so. Do you want me to go say something? No. I couldn't possibly. I could. Come on. There's no harm in just saying hi. Okay. Well, if you really think you could. I definitely could. For some saffron. This is all the saffron I have. A single dose. Okay. Okay. One moment. And they go over to the middle of their two tents and they start writing something in a card. They're like behind. You can see them writing something. They fold it up.

They put it in an envelope. They hand it to you. One is like, just a little, like he's trying to, some cologne. He's like, oh no. Oh no. That was cologne. That was me. Sleep elixir. Or hair growth or something. They hand you a card. Yeah. Give this to them. Okay. Is there anything you want me to say? No. The card will say it all. Okay. And once the card has been delivered, the saffron is yours. Okay. I think that's going to make you feel a little bit better. At least you'll know. I hope so.

I'll be right back. I go over. I read it on the way over. You open the card. Well, I sneakily. You open the card. There's a huge puff of, uh, of scented powder into your face and your vision starts to swim. Roll 2d6 plus charisma. I just wanted to know. I want to see if you drew a dick in there. All right. Five. Plus charisma. Plus constitution. Plus con. Uh, eight. Okay. Okay. Nice. You, you are rapidly falling asleep. You have stayed awake for this long.

And as you're looking at the card, all you see is take this. You dirty fuck. I'm like kneeling and like going down, like slowly. And I get to the other side. I'm like, I think this is for you. And you, you two see Dom on the other side. Go. No, he opened the card. No, no, I'll get you Barry. And then as soon as he says that you see tuck linebacker tackle. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, it's a long run from out, out of frame.

And, uh, the take, you go ahead and roll two to six plus strength. See what happens next. Okay. Yells, take the saffron as he passes out. Uh, yeah, 11. Okay. You, you hit this tent like a truck. Uh, Dom goes down under the massive bulk of a drunken belligerent tuck Tacoma dome. Uh, and Billy, you hear grab the saffron. Yeah, but I'm on the leash. So you're just, who's leash? You're tethered to the thing. And I'm like, it's the, all the slack has been used. I'm just like, just try to reach it.

It's right there. It's like two inches away from your fingertips. And you hear clank, hiss, clank, hiss. What's all this then? Clank, hiss, clank, hiss. I fell down. Oh, you again. This is the last time I can only be pushed so far. You're coming with me. I fell down on accident. Oh, and tuck is actively wrestling with a guy. He's got a weapon. And he's, he's been, he's been punching what he thought was his face, but it was the mask on the back of his head.

He rips the face off and he's like, Dom slipped through the rope. It just has underwear. And then I see, I see the cop trying, grab Billy. And he's like, get away from my kid. And does what? He starts running at the robot. Oh, Jesus Christ. We really can't do any wrong. Plus strength. Okay, here we go. 14, 14. Okay. Yeah. You, uh, you knock this thing over for sure. Yeah. If that's your goal, I'm still holding my beer.

So it does like tip over and boom into a, um, a tent full of glass elephants, man. And they all smash. And you hear a guy go, no, I put all of my money in those glass. Elephant. I will not forget. Oh, my name isn't Sir. Wilfred. Laurie. Kim McKenzie. Right. Wilfred. Laurie. It wasn't a prime minister. Was he? Yeah, he was. Was he Sir. Wilford. Laurie. Great. He's on the $5 bill. And I grab Billy and, and then I start running with him knowing that he's attached to Vig through the leash.

Dragging him through the dusty night market. The saffron. Did you not grab it? No, it was too far. Roll 2d6 plus dexterity to grab it on the way out. Grab it, Billy. Eight. Eight. Oh, do I grab it? Yes. You do grab it. And as you, you like are facing backwards as Tuck is running away, you see Ving kind of like being dragged on the leash. Shit. You grab the saffron and you see like, uh, nothing. Then you see like poking up out of the crowd knees. Yeah.

And then you see the robot like up onto its super long legs and start walking very quickly. Talk run faster. Okay. Yeah. Can I run as hard as I can? Yeah. 2d6 plus dexterity. Then you're not, you're not going to get strength out of this. I said hard. I know you said hard. That doesn't make fucking sense. Hit the retractor button. Please. He's like, please retract me. Please. You can do strength for that. Okay. To get Ving away from this thing first. Okay. Here we go. Oh no. That's seven. Okay.

So Ving, you're going to lose something. I think on the way you're getting dragged along. Oh, the razor tusk helmet. Oh no. A magic helmet. Yeah. Yeah. You feel clank, clank, clank as the, I was going to put that on my hood. The cord on the leash starts retracting, and you're thumping along. Something in your bag rips, and the razor tusk helmet is left behind. And the Robabi sees the helmet on the ground, is distracted momentarily by the glint, bends down and picks it up. Tuck. Yes.

You're trying to get away. Yes. You're rolling plus dexterity. I'm going to fail. Not necessarily. What's your dexterity? Negative one. Nah. You got this. You're drunk. You guys got to start fewer chases. Six. Somebody help. I can't aid. I'll aid. I realize I can't. Yeah, you could just be calling out directions. Yeah. Seven. Seven. That makes it a seven. I'm on the ground, basically, so I can see where to go. Oh, and you're going like, go this way, go that way. Take a left. Okay.

I'm following the instructions. Do you want to control me from my head like Ratatouille? Yeah, I climb up. You're like leaning to one side and leaning to the other. Grabbing his mustache. Yeah. Okay, so seven to nine. You end up somewhere you don't necessarily want to be. Oh, a fucking library. Burn it to the ground. Surrounded by my mortal enemies. Reading materials. Oh, nerds. Nerds. Ed Bucks. Mocking me with their backwards letters. Tuck their forwards. They're normal. That's how they are.

Put that beard down. You have dyslexia. You are illiterate. It's okay. Um, I mean, we can run into a library. So you run through the front doors and there is a person at the front that goes, shh. Okay. There's rows upon rows of books. Uh, this looks like a local library. Let's hide in the books. Let's go. Okay. Yeah, that's a good idea. All right. Somebody's gonna have to roll something to hide effectively in these books.

Cause you can hear the clanking footsteps and the sort of like a steam pipes on the back going. Cool. What can I do? I guess you could try and you're rapidly falling asleep. You could try and shake this poison somehow. Yeah. How do I shake this poison? Uh, how do you want to try and shake the poison? I don't want to use the one wood that we just got. Yep. Fair enough. Hmm. You can try and muscle through. Try a constitution again. Con. Yeah. I'm going to try another con roll.

I mean, I got eight last time. That was just to stay awake. Yeah. That you're still barely awake. Yeah. Oof. Oh no. I got seven. Okay. Okay. Uh, you are like able to kind of shakily get to your feet, but you're pretty tired. You're actively fighting off a sleep agent. It's so fucking boring in here. I don't know. I'm falling asleep. Uh, so what do you guys do? You hear the approaching sounds. Ooh, can I roll a who goes there? Which one's that?

It's like below the wisps, but it's like, it's a add on to it. I would roll plus wisdom. I'd use a below the wisp to lure, tricked, or distract. Yeah, that could work. Okay. Nine. Nice. Can I help? Yes. Okay. How are you helping? I give him belly rubs. All right. I finally let out the fart. I've been unable to get out on my own. Spiritual indigestion. Yeah. Oh, fuck. Uh, yeah, I failed. Oh, no. It's a six. I can aid his. Oh, yeah. You can aid the eight. How are you aiding his aid?

I am scratching his belly. Okay. Oh, nice. I got 10. Okay. 10 makes that a seven. Makes that a 10. Okay. So it works. So yeah, I'm going to send, uh, like us basically running the opposite way. Nice. Gotcha. Yeah. So it's the, it looks around its head spinning. Yeah. Uh, all the lenses trying to find you. It like almost kind of catches you through the window of the library, but it assumes that we're just some kind of puppy class or something. The dog skin. He goes, well, that's gotta be a dog.

And then it sees you running down the street and goes, ah, stop. Halt. Uh, come here. Stop resisting. Shots ring out. Uh, and it chases you down. It chases you down off the street. Um, and you are for the moment hiding in this library. Okay. Yeah. I think I'm pretending to read cause I'm trying to like over, overhear a conversation. Overhear a conversation. There's a quiet whisper conversation going on. Okay. Yes. Yeah.

So then I went back and the box was still there and there were like four left. So like I ate another one and I figured I know they're for everybody, but it's like, it's like three 30. We're going to be out of here in 30 minutes. Yeah. Like fucking hurry up. Eat them. This is a boring conversation. I'm going to find a different one. I show up to the wedding. All the elk are dead. Every single one. And I just, and I noticed they were all drinking out of the same big Baja blast. Baja blast.

Kills elk. Note to self. Note to self. Baja blast. Fatal to elk. Yeah. I draw it in my diary. But you know, the reception was beautiful. This is boring. I'm going to another one. Another conversation. So I checked my pockets and I realized they were her cakes. I don't know. What are you looking for in here? I don't know. I guess I was hoping so. Yeah. Juicy gossip. Library is mostly full of boring people. I see how disappointed you are. Juicy gossip. I come back to you guys.

It's mostly boring people that read. Where should we go to hear juicy gossip? I'm going to go get some newspapers. See if there's like a celebrity gossip column. About what's going on with Victoria and Callum. That actually might help. Yeah. That actually might help. And you find like, you know, where they have newspapers and magazines in the library where it's that like kind of slanted shelf with the little cubbies in it. Yeah. They all stick up. There's some newspapers. Sweet.

I grab all of them. Great. All of them. Try to find anything about Victoria. About Victoria? My wife. Trying to find stuff about Victoria LaBlanche in the newspaper. Yes. That's actually a great idea. Yeah. Victoria and Callum. Yeah. Trying to find out. Well, so what's going on? The fucking last few days. So if you are trying to gain insight into the last few days, that would be to certain realities. If you're trying to uncover some sort of secret information, that would be Spout Lore. Okay.

So to certain realities. So yeah, that's a failure. So Tuck is flipping through the newspapers of the last few days and you see Colm Blackhammer murdered. Suspects at large. Three drawings. Three drawings of the three of you. Tuck rips that out. Eats it. He tries to mask this out of him ripping the paper with him coughing. He was like, oh man. Just rip. He does that thing that I did that time. I have to cover the noise. So yeah, you destroy that. And what else do you see? You see.

Apple cart turned over. Suspects. Hundreds dead. Apple cart turned over. Chaos in the streets. Suspects at large. Three drawings of the three of you. Murder, suicide at Hay Cart's family home. Okay. Start ripping this stuff out. And then you see a paper. You see the issue from two days ago. It says, Colm Blackhammer set to wed Victoria LaBlanche at Masquerade Ball. What? What? And Tuck. Tuck looks at that and he reads it. And he rolls the. What? Oh.

I thought you were going to use the blacked out move. The which one? The redacted move on your sheet. This is just a reveal. It just goes nuclear option right away. You just saw your hand like hover over his. Do it, do it, do it. Oh my God. I was not expecting that. Okay. Okay. That's really funny. No, but I don't do that. He stands up and then he does a weaponized dissociation. So you take two hit points. You take two damage. Immediately sobered. Immediately sober.

And I look at the newspaper article and I go, I object. And that's where we're going to end it. That's where we're going to end it for this week. I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara, playing Tacoma Dome, the Barbarian of Dual Aziz. The one that Priest said asks. I'll say this. I'll say that. Playing Ving, the half-elf Jew and Paul Hoppers. I'm with him. Playing Fabulously, the halfling thief, Jessica Tai. I don't know what to say. How do you do that? How do you do that?

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If you want to listen to the truly incredible music produced for the show, you can find it all at Spotify. And if you would like to hear Aaron's original music, you can go to Aaron Reed dot band camp dot com. Thank you finally. And most of all, to all of you for listening. We'll see you next time. And so ends the tale of adventures. Three. Who tried their best? They can't. They can't. Though dumb and scared and lost they be. For time's abreast in revelry.

And though our journey may be like a conclusion. We will not leave you without a resolution. Return next week to hear some more. Wow. You commute or do your chores. And for you, I gladly spout no.