Episode 7 – Aquaria

All right, let's fucking play a role-playing game. Let's play the theme fucking songs, bitch. Oh, man. Imagine this one came out as like hard. Should I play Sabotage? No. Why do you never want to play Sabotage? Again, he did want to play it a few times. When we did it. Yeah. And now we've done it. But now I feel like this is the direction our podcast is moving. Is specifically the song Sabotage by the Beastie Boys? It should be based all around it.

Jessica's not paying attention, so that's complicit. She's complicit. She has headphones on, Abdul. I was suggesting. Just that Sabotage is like 11 minutes long. And by then, I might be asleep. Exactly. Of all the directions you want our podcast to go in, ripping off J.J. Abrams is the main one. Here's the air. Okay, yawn. Because you guys are fucking assholes about this. Jesus. Most of us are on board. I just want you to push yourself to new creative heights.

Don't lean on the crutch of Sabotage. Sabotage isn't a crutch. It's a ladder that will elevate the podcast. To the roof of the podcasting industry. We're going to be standing up there and going, Fuck you, Jordan Jesse Go. And I'll piss on his face. Is it still a podcast? I don't know. But fuck Jordan Jesse Go. Fuck Bill Burr. Fuck Peter. Gabriel? Gabriel. Fuck everyone at Scott Ackerman's house. Just his house. Fuck this American life. Ira Glass. Eat my dick.

Is it really worth it for you to start feuds with podcasts that will literally never hear this? We'll see about that. I'll send this to Ira Glass. Ira at Glass. They call me Ira Glass. Oh my God. Oh yes. It's coming in hot today. I like that. You know what? I'm going to fast tomorrow. Yeah. Maybe that's what the energy that we all need is mild starvation. Yeah. Yeah. Five shots of that stuff. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Welcome to Spout Lore. I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara.

And joining me as always playing Fat Billy, the halfling thief, Jessica Tai. Hello. Playing Ving, the half elf druid, Paul Oppers. Morning. And playing Tacoma Dome, the barbarian, Abdul Aziz. Hi. When last we left our heroes, they sailed the ocean blue again. Following a disaster. Disastrous stay at the pillar side town of Flotsam. They escaped sailing away on a stolen boat and a stolen boat. Technically given freely.

But now you've destroyed it to the point where I think if I'd given you a boat like that, that you destroyed, I would then consider it stolen. You stole my good boat. And after dragging it along and fighting a big crab, completing a narrative thread that everybody was just waiting with bated breath. To see where it would go. We all rolled our eyes when we saw the crab. It was honestly funny in the way that you were like, oh my God, it caught up with us. Fucking crab. It's crabs again.

Crab fight. Yes. Dragon appear. Yes. Perel in danger. Speak like a human man. This is our fucking profession. Uh-huh. I think everybody can connect those dots. You fought the crab. And after the crab. Fight. Cerulean depths appeared and told you that she'd found hints as to where Perel was, that he was at the eye of the storm, but the waters had taken note of his passage. And they moved to claim him. They move to claim him.

And then I was listening to it and we're all like, what mystery is this statement? And I was like, what are we talking about? It's like, it was pretty clear. It's pretty clear. What's happening? The waters moved to claim him. I think we can all cover that.

And then after that, you sailed in the direction of a discolored pillar in the distance and fled from a very angry storm that attempted to sink you and attempted to snatch you from the safe haven of your boat before you arrived safely at this green pillar. With no help from the dice. Oh yeah. You ate shit like nonstop. It was like a record for the most number of fails. Yeah. But then it came through when you needed it.

And you arrived at this pillar, which you discovered was covered in a foot or two thick layer of greeny blue moss, which Ving spoke to, discovering that Perel had floated by it. At some point upon investigating the moss, you discovered a hole in the side of the pillar, which revealed an entrance, which you all entranced. And upon some investigation, trancing, discovered a structure of some kind carved out of the pillar.

Billy uncovered a magical trap that made people that spring it forget, perhaps as some sort of defense mechanism to get them to turn around and leave. But you were able to disarm it through the power of friendship. And magic rings. And magic rings. You shared memories, bolstering each other's minds so you didn't lose any memories on your way through, disarming the trap. And discovering a chamber beyond, which contained little of note, with the exception of much of note. A living pile of moss.

A living pile of moss strung together a body out of various detritus, creating a hulking, angry, aggressive, hungry looking form. And this is the same moss monster. As we met in Pinewood. Yes. Using some color wheel extrapolation from the purple light of Tuxax, you realize that it is the blue moss from Pinewood. And when Ving talked to the moss, they were like talking about the moss wizard, right? Yes. When you described Perel, the moss was like, that's not what wizard looks like. Yeah. Yeah.

Suggesting that this moss was familiar with another wizard. And that is where we left off. This hulking form stands across the chamber from you. Reaching almost to the top. Of the ceiling. Basically covering the doorway with its soft, cushiony, velvety bulk. Pieces of wood and metal held throughout in a scaffold. Doesn't sound scary at all. Well. Yeah. It sounds really cuddly. Sounds hot. Guys, I think we should reason with it instead of fighting. I'm coming in hugging.

I mean, that's the question. What do you do? You could try and reason with it. Yeah. Ving. Dear moss man of such beauty and azurely beautiful, wonderful. You are so soft. Oh, moss one. Please allow us passage in your dankest hole. Literally every time Ving talks to a spirit thing, it sounds like you're trying to fuck it. I guess that's kind of what it is. It does not respond. What? Nothing. Okay. I'm going to talk to him. Get it. Push him out of the way. Okay. But don't think he wants to fuck.

Okay. No. Wait. No, no, no, no, no, no. Roll what? Uh, charisma? No, no, no. I want to be charismatic. Parlay. No. Do you guys remember anything from the Pinewood mystery? Yeah. Oh. Such as? No. Alcohol kills these things. Yeah. Yeah. But also? It evil? No, not necessarily. Oh, it not smart. It's not sapient. It's not intelligent. Oh. It's magic. So it can't be communicated with spiritually. But it can be communicated with magically? Potentially. You know what?

Try and roll a spell or maybe if you want to know more. Oh, yeah. Great. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Plus. Eat my ass. Plus intelligence. 2d6 plus intelligence. 2d6 plus intelligence. Spout Lore shit. Spout Lore shit. That's great. I like when you guys succeed at Spout Lore because I get to talk about world building. I know, but it's fun to antagonize you. Say it. Bitch. There you go. Whoa. I can see your lips quivering as you waited for that word.

What is your intelligence, though? What did you get? My intelligence is zero. Okay, so you got a nine, which means it's not a ten. Oh! How will I aid with my magic? Billy! Yes! Tell me everything you know. I think you would sense its magicalness. I sense its magicalness, and I also recall we've met this boy before. Okay, yeah, nine. Okay, cool. So yeah, that succeeds and makes it a ten, which means that you get something useful and interesting. Whoa! Whoa!

Can you bring down my headphones, please? Soundscape. That's all the moss we were eating earlier. Just shoving it in. That was all you. I still ate most crab. Wet, hot crab sitting on the deck of the boat. It's still down there. It's cooking. How about I tell you something interesting, and you come up with how it's useful. Okay. Does that sound good? Sure. And then we'll try it the other way around.

So the thing that I will say is that this moss, though it looks like a person, this is probably just how it hunts. Because you remember Pinewood, it killed those people. It covered them up with moss. This is probably a carnivorous kind of moss, and this is how it hunts. But it is magical in nature. Okay. So it's not intelligent, but it is able to do weird shit. So did you say you were going to say something interesting? Continue.

So you can come up with something if you want, but whatever you do, you get a plus one. Like the distance the magical user needs to be. Maybe they need to be within a range. Yeah. Could it be like a robot, like Chamberlain was? Kind of thing? That's what I'm thinking. Does that mean there's another wizard behind this? Yes. The moss wizard. But is he here, I guess, is the question. That's a great idea, actually, that you could consider this moss a type of golem, basically.

And in the meantime, it is approaching you. Oh, no. It's like slapping. Its feet are like, as it stomps across the chamber. What do you do? I'm going to build a maze for it to go out of the rock around it with rock. Oh, interesting idea. Just so it gives us time to slow it down. I guess I could build a cage around it if I try and do that. Oh, good idea. Yeah, that is a great idea. But I don't know why the maze is such a funny thing. It's such a like, aha, I built a maze.

It turns out he's really good at puzzles. So this is elemental mastery. Elemental mastery, my good man. Did he say it's plus wisdom? Yeah, no problem. Boom, nine. Shit, yeah. All right. What happens on a seven to nine? I don't know, but if I have an aid. I'll aid. I'll aid. Thank you. Yeah. I'm calling on the primal spirits of Earth. I'll help. Yo, Earth, it's your boy, Billy Billy. Come back at me, Willie Billy. We got to come up with a way Billy's actually helping.

Yeah, what about I just saw that. Oh, yeah. No, no, no, no, no, no, fuck. No, I want to hear what you have. Okay, here's my idea. Okay, classic go. What if you distract it? Oh, yeah, because actually I do have that move where it's disguise, but I don't have time and materials just slapping moss on your body as it's approaching. I'm one of you. I'm one of you. I think I'll just distract it. Yeah, distracting is great. Oh, holy shit. Yeah, nine again. There you go. Great. So what's Billy doing?

Billy's going to kind of run to a different corner and be like, look at me. I'm a tasty morsel. Oh, have you ever had foie gras? Because I am basically that. Jessica's doing a lot of showgirl style sexy moves. There's like a nice mantle piece behind me. That's a good mantle move. Don't make her stop doing that. No, but I'm just saying like Billy's doing it. Yeah, Billy's doing it. Against the wall, sliding up and down the wall. Yeah, so slimy. I look at Bingham like, where did he learn this?

Emerald City, Emerald Coast, Emerald Town, Emerald Crystal Bay. Crystal Bay. Okay. At the Emerald Inn. There you go. The Emerald Hotel and Spa. Yeah, so it totally works. Billy skitters past being as distracting as possible and the moss thing stops for a moment and tries to figure out what to do. So he's going to get the idea. It's not very smart. Oh, two things now go for delicious boy. Sorry, cut that out. Still to play. On 10 plus, I get to choose two.

So let's have the effect and I will retain control. So what does this look like? Billy got him over into a little alcove and I'm going to build that into a little spiral maze. So you just bring it up around him in a spiral shape? Yeah. Dirt all around. And I put some little wonky little fun things. In there and from above, it looks like it looks like like a bird or Spongebob or something. So structurally, I have some questions. Go ahead. Does it reach the ceiling? No, no, there's gaps.

There's little gaps. Are there spaces on either side for you to get around? Yeah, we can get to the door. He relieves enough a thin corridor. So what is nature's price that you're paying? I get pretty dirty. Covered in soil. Oh, you're so dusty now. Oh, shit. Well, soldier on, I say. Yeah, you get so covered in grit and dust and grime that you feel it like tightening around your joints. It's like basically paste on his body and the paste is hardening. Oh, no. And so it does work.

You get the idea that it's stuck in the middle of the maze. But what you do see just over the edge in Tuxlite is moss start creeping up over the top of the maze. Sorry, guys, I didn't make it go to the top. I didn't think that it was. I went to the top of his head. That was dumb. It could have really solved everything here. Yeah, if you just made a cage. Yeah, I stick by my choices. This is my art. It's starting to come up. What do you do? Get to the door. Yeah, get to the door.

You run across the room and through the doorway on the other side. Can we trap expert? Yeah, you could. You run the risk of giving the moss golem enough time to get out of the maze, but it's always, it's not a bad idea. I mean, I also shoot first, so I can never be caught by surprise. That's true. If the moss golem does get out, Billy will know. Yeah, Billy in first. Okay. Like a soccer ball. Flying through the air. You can say whatever you want. His clothes are just flapping against his body.

His little boobs. His hair. Holy time. It's the ground. Really beautiful. Yeah, it's pretty stunning. I'll set the stage before you check for traps. You get down the corridor and you find a staircase going down, but as you go through that doorway, there's just a carpet of moss on the ground. Oh, fuck. And it covers the staircase going down. Do this. Oh my god. So I'll tumble to a halt just before the stairs. I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, okay. Should we turn around? No. Okay.

So it's just a corridor, stairs going down, moss on the stairs. Yeah. Far down does the moss go. Into the darkness. Is it blue? You would assume that it's the same color. Trap expert. Seven. Pretty good. Still good. Plus? Plus dexterity. Dexterity is a nine. Okay. So that means you get one question. Is there a trap here? And what activates it? Yes, there is. Walking down the stairs. Fuck. Cool. We didn't know that before for sure. Yeah. Let's risk it. I turn to you guys.

I'm like, I'm going to try and jump it. The whole stairs? Yeah. Okay. Wow. Once the ceiling lands on the first stair. I didn't. I landed on the stair immediately. Wow. These are really low ceilings. That's, oh man. Can I try and clear it? Like, I'm going to try and clear it. So you don't know where the stairs end. You know what? I have faith in myself. Yeah. And then I do this. It is so. Crossing peace fingers. Oh, it does two west coast symbols. Actually, no.

If you flip them over, it's from a call. Yeah. Okay. I think it's so funny that you're going to do this. You're trying to jump a trap that you don't know where it is. Is it okay with you that I'm doing this? You already did it. I was going to suggest we could throw the axe because it also has a light. Oh, yeah. We could throw anything. Oh, man. We could throw me with the axe. We're all clamoring to jump down these stairs. Ving's not. I don't know about jumping these. Yeah. I have an idea. Okay.

I'm going to try and jump as far as I can and then embed the axe into the wall so I don't touch the stairs. Cool. Floor is lava style. Yeah. But if you had an axe, and didn't care about destroying your house. Yeah. Previous Moss Monster style as well. Is this what we did then? Well, we stalagmited over the top of the monster. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Floor is lava. It's good to know that we haven't advanced at all in our problem solving ability. Or maybe I haven't advanced in my plot or threats.

Who can say? Eight. Okay. All right. So he's definitely you're definitely not going to clear the stairs. Shit. Because I'm trying to think also like jumping down. Yeah. Because they're going down. You go further. Forward. But how do you jump? You start straight. You run. Yeah. I run. I took a running jump. He dies. And then the gravity pulls you down. But the stairs are also down. So like math. Like a squirrel suit. Look at the angles that Jessica's doing with her fucking arms. Oh, I see.

Do you not understand this? It's math. I understand the angles. I understand the angles. Yeah. We're doing the M's again. Math, motherfucker. Everyone's so mad right now. Okay. Okay. Here's what it is. So Tuck hits the axe. His feet touch the moss, sink through the moss, and a sheet of moss falls away, revealing that like a third of the stairs is a pit. And Tuck is left hanging over this pit by his axe. Wow. Cool move. By the skin of his axe. Yeah, exactly.

I also yelled John Wick as I was doing it. I didn't get a chance to say that. And I did it. Maybe once because you forgot as you were diving. And then the trap falls. The moss falls away and revealing the pit. John Wick. John Wick. John Wick. Can you tell us how wide the gap is? Yes. So the pit is about 25 feet long, about 6 feet wide. And you guys have like 10 feet of stairs in front of you before the pit gets there. Piece of pit. This staircase was mostly pit. And how far across it did I get?

10, 12 feet. Cool. Wow. What a jump. By the way, sick John Wick. Thanks, man. Do we have any rope or something? Yeah. Long thing. Yeah, if you've got like your adventuring gear, you could pull a rope out of there. Oh, I do not have adventuring gear. But what you do have is a billy realizing there's a moss golem that is like now just about halfway escaped from the maze. Oh, thing. Why couldn't you just make it taller? You know what?

This is a lesson for all of us to learn to remind me to go to the ceiling. I'm putting this on you guys. Okay. I'll take the fault on that, which means that I will jump next. I do have I have my harpoon with a rope on it. Oh, right. Yeah. Throw me the harpoon. Wait, wait, wait. No, hold on. What are you? What? What are you talking about? I'm going to throw him the harpoon so then he can tie the rope around his axe. It will swing with the rope over the pit and go like this. Like it. Okay.

Catch this. Catch this. Plus my dexterity. I got seven. Goes through my hand. Yeah, you can catch it, but you're going to take damage like he's going to hit you with this harpoon. Okay. Yeah, do it. Roll your damage five. You can take five points of damage as this thing it's sticking out of my hand. I said got it. I said heads up after I threw it. So you close your hand after it stabbed you through the hand. Got it. I've got a poultice for that. All right, and I loop it around the axe. Yeah.

So now Billy and Ving are going to swing across on the rope. Yeah, I think you could just like swing across to the other side. I'm going to crawl up onto Ving's flaps. Get in the flaps. Good. I'm in the flaps. Okay. He really got to specify what flaps I'm clinging on to his chest. I have many handles. I'm a man of many handles. All right. What defy danger would this be? Indiana Jones. Yeah, right. Roll an Indiana Jones ball. Sick. Snakes. Why do I have to be snakes?

I think it is 2d6 plus dexterity. To carry my boy. Ooh. Nine. I aid by clinging on very well and saying I love you. All right. 2d6 plus bond. You can aid with love. Yeah. Apparently not. Shit. Shit. Shit. So sorry. It was five. Fuck. Yeah. I said I said I love you tuck and I was like, oh, I meant sorry. What you being short talk? I mean, that is a failure. Billy turns around as Ving is swinging.

Billy turns around and sees the moss golem is on the other side and has like reconstitute at its body and it pulls its arm back and whips a bunch of moss and debris at you. But the only way to not get hit by this is to let go. I'll let go and Billy starts to fall. Can I let go and drop as a bird? Uh, shape shift. I thought you could do that. He just hasn't in so long. I shape shift. He hasn't since Crystal Bay. Save our son. I shape shift as a oh, a snowy owl. Okay. Shape shift 2d6 plus wisdom.

Oh, yep. Seven. I got one hold and that hold will be moving fast enough that you're able to grab Billy dive, which means that you're going to turn back into Ving probably at the bottom of this pit. Great. Yeah. So Ving turns into an owl grabs Billy turns back into a Ving. Woo tumbles him in your arms. Yeah. How to train your dragon. Oh, cool. Yeah. Tumble Billy's cradled in your arms. Thanks being I really meant it that I love you. I just got I believe you.

But you're selling it really hard right now. I know. I'm sorry. It's a really stressful time. We're all stressed, but don't worry about it. So the only light in this room is the light from Tuck's axe at the mouth of the pit. Tuck, you're hanging from an axe. You don't see your friends guys. Tuck's done so much and he's like guys harpoon in his hand hanging from an axe. What the fuck? Empty rope comes flying over. Yeah, my friends bleeding blood trickling down the rope. Fine. Okay.

How are you, pal? I'm fine. Sorry, I have a question. Can either of you see in the dark? We've never established. No, I cannot. Okay. Can you turn your binoculars into night vision binoculars? No, there's no concept of night vision binoculars. Sam Fisher. Green. I just thought of that scene in Step Brothers where he's like, you know, they're not that. Noticeable. Two feet off his head. What a good movie. But sorry. Yeah. Elves can see pretty well. Yeah, but not that great.

Elves raised in the dark forests have way better night vision, but he's an elf raised on the white. Oh, mama. Sorry. I got so excited. On the white plains, right? So that they see better in bright, bright lights. Oh, so they don't get blinded. They don't get blinded. But elves in the deep forest can see better. Elves can see well in the dark. The dark forest. The dark forest. I really am setting a lot of limits here. No, this is. It doesn't go to the ceiling. I can't see shit. So cool.

That's so cool. The dark forest. What is the dark forest? The dark. I call that down. Hey, what's the dark forest? It is a land where there's a lot of elves that are cast out of their society and they've congregated together. It's like a, Australia, but in the woods where criminals and dark elves end up piling up. Are the woods like literally dark? They're super dark.

And there's at the top of the trees, there's a whole other ecosystem of other, there's mosses and that's part of where these magical mosses come from. It's where the blue moss is found at the canopy of these other great dark trees. It's a very dark magic that exists at the top of the dark forest. I'm going to take a point of experience for that lander move. His story. It's yours. Hold on to it. Don't, Mark. We'll tell, you'll tell his story. Don't worry. That's so cool. Wow.

I really like all the shit you guys come up with. I want to play a full campaign in the great forest. I want to play a full campaign in the halfling lands. Full campaign in McCall. We'll do it. Spout Lore for a million years. We just need. A million years. 2,400 more Patreons as borders. Exactly. Okay. So Vin cannot see in the dark. No. Which just means that you don't know what room you're in right now. Can we concern realities? Yeah. It's absolutely pitch black. I'm going to say no.

Until you get a light source, you can't discern realities. Can you shape shift again? Oh, yeah. Could potentially, yeah. Yeah. It's just what would be big enough to help Tuck. Yeah. Giraffe. Ice giraffe. No. No, no, no. Yeah. I was some sort of white kangaroo. What about that time you turned into that tree and got out of the boat? That was really fun. What was it called? Food boat. Food boat. Food boat. Holy shit. We're terrible at fantasy. Yeah.

We flip flop pretty hard between great and terrible. I could just grow a tree up like a fireman pole for you. That's great. It's a great idea. Mind your thighs, pal. Nine plus my wisdom, 11. Hey. So you get three hold. Three hold. Great. What kind of tree does he turn into? I just imagined like one of those silver birches. Yeah. I was picturing a silver birch too. Yeah. Yeah. Cool. High five. Boom.

So, Tuck, you're hanging from this axe and the branches of a silver birch start growing up under your feet. Cool. Hop on. I let go. I pull the axe out and I leave the heart of my hand. You land in a canopy. Oh, you should take that out. It's fine. No, it's not. It's fine. Okay. You have to do some first aid when you get to the bottom. I put my hand behind my back. What if I stay up here and just lean forward onto the other stairs and then we get down the stairs? Yep. Okay. Yeah, cool.

You can totally use this hold to get to the other side. Great. Cool. Yeah, we're out of the pit. Yeah. Are you going to stay as a tree or are you just going to turn back into Ving? You know, I might stick around tree time for a little bit. So, are you tree man now? I'm tree man. Okay, cool. Yeah, I think it's like a branch touches the other side, turns into a hand, turns into a hand. The trunk comes up as two legs. Oh, cool. And now you're just like, yeah, birch boy. It grows up.

The canopy grows up into the ceiling and then transforms into roots and then the bottom turns, where the roots were, turns into canopy and grows up from the bottom. Cool. So sick. That's really cool. So, what does silver birch tree man look like? I'm imagining an ant functionally. Yeah, he's got lots of bark. Flaps. Peeling bark. Big flappy leaves. Big silvery, silvery. And they quiver with the wind in the tunnel. Does tree Ving have a hand again?

Because remember, you're missing one of your hands. No, but he does have gills, which is fun. Oh, yeah. You always have gills. And so, there's a knot in the middle of the tree that's an amethyst. Yeah, there's an amethyst knot. Cool that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is a weird magical creature. And we're like, oh, gross, a moss monster. Follow me. Oh, yeah, I should say, the moss monster's on the other side of the pit.

It can't move too quickly in its moss form, but, you know, obviously when it's ambulatory, it moves faster. You see it spreads out and starts growing along the sides of the corridor. What does it want? Slowly. Very slowly, but it's moving towards you. I feel like that's a problem for future us. Yeah. Which means we won't think of it now. So, you just continue down these stairs? Yes. All right. Axe lighting the way. Did you pull the harpoon out? Still in there. You gotta do something about that.

I don't want to acknowledge that I'm hurt. It would hurt so much more to leave it in. No, I'm gonna leave it in. It's jangling around in your meat, man. I'm being careful about it. All right. So, instead of rolling, I will pose this question to you. What's a cool room that you would find at the other end of these stairs? Now that you've gotten over the stairs, we go into a room and there's just a sealed tomb, kind of, but the top is glass, like snow white, and in it is, like, a man. Or a woman.

Interesting. A woman? Yeah. I push everyone out of it. Oh, my God. Is she okay? It's just skin and bones. And the moss is, like, in the room, too, and it feeds into these little, like, holes in the glass. Oh, my God. And it's, like, that, like, cover her. How? How? What? Did you? Did you guess? What? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So, it is like that. I will say she's not quite as in repose as you're probably imagining. Like, it's not. Oh, I'm imagining her very in repose. Yeah, so reposed. Wow.

Jessica, fucking in my brain. Cool. Cool. Okay, yeah. So, there's a glass chamber in the middle. Yeah. Tuck's axe lights up and it starts reflecting on this glass dome with holes in it. The carpet of moss grows up into the holes up onto this dais where a woman lays and it covers basically everything on her body except for her face. Oh. And she's just laying there. And, yeah, what do you guys do? Billy just, like, walks up to her and he presses his face up against the glass to take a look.

Mm-hmm. Wow. She's so beautiful. I turn to Vero. Dibs. And then I run up to the glass. I tap on it like it's a fucking aquarium. Hey. Hey, don't tap the glass. So, Billy says she's so beautiful or whatever and you hear Thank you. You see her eyes open and she turns to look at you. Not all the way because the moss is kind of restraining her. He goes, That is very kind of you to say, little boy. And the moss pulls out. Oh, it grows. It closes. Like it rises and falls. Oh, yeah.

It animates dead people. Can I know what she looks like? I can tell you what she looks like for sure. What you can see of her face is almost like imperious. Like she looks like maybe she was from a noble family of some kind. A queen. Kind of, yeah. She's got a very queenly demeanor. But her skin has kind of taken on the hue of the moss. Like she's got this sort of sickly green-blue color. But besides that, her skin looks young. She looks quite youthful. Her eyes are yellow. Her eyes are yellow.

Like gold. Gold. They shimmer with a light from the other side. She's like, What brings you to my tower? We came here by accident. That is good. Then they, they do not know where I am. Who? Who doesn't know where you are? The hunters. Guys, there's hunters. Are we safe in this room? Are we safe here with you? You are safe. For now. Um, who are the hunters? The hunters are the ones that took my people and punished them for the egregious acts of the people. The few.

The good that we did in the world was ignored. And we were hunted. Are you a wizard? Some have called me that. Are you the moss wizard? She laughs a little bit. I suppose you could say. Do you know the frog guy? The frog? Oh, Perel. Huh? Huh? A colleague, a friend. He's our friend too. And we're looking for him. She like turns her head more than she has yet. And the light in her eyes gets brighter. Yeah.

The light starts shining brighter and a sheet of moss starts pulling aside a little bit before you see the moss like move back down and grab onto her face again. She says, he survived. Yes. Mm-hmm. And we're hoping he's still safe, but he's lost in the sea. The sea. He should not be. He should not be. He should not be. He should not be. He should not be. He should not be. He should not be. He should not be. He should not be. He should not be. He should not be. He should not have come here.

I came here to hide. I wave at her with the harpoon in my hand. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. Hi, I'm Tuck. My name is Tuck. I called dibs on you. I just wanted you to know that. Stop. So gross. How does she respond to that? She doesn't. She goes, but if you are friends of Perel, you are friends of mine. Oh, thank God. Yeah. We all just, oh, man, we drop all of our adventure gear and pull the harpoon out. Oh, my God. The blood. I'm just smearing roots on it. Yeah, I'm poulticing that.

I've torn some of my clothes off to wrap a bandage around your hand. Thanks. You're welcome. Billy, you could have chose a different part of your clothing. Yeah, Billy like very gently and nicely like wraps a bandage around my hand. And I'm like, thanks so much, Billy. And I look up and he has no pants on. Hey, no problem. He just waddles away with his pants in the air. He's like trying, his big, the clap of his ass. Fucking fat baby butt. Yeah. Yeah.

So she's like, I hope my tower did not cause you too much trouble. It caused some. In what way? Thing holds up Tuck's hand. I mean, technically I did this. Yes. But it was a result of the traps that you laid. Yeah. And the moss man, he was not very welcoming. And the stairs were a problem. Yeah. Did you know your stairs have a huge hole in them? I did. Yes. So on purpose? It is. Yes. Okay.

The traps and agents of mine, such as Pete are deterrents for those that would enter my tower and do me harm. Hmm. Moss guy's name is Pete. Yes. It's a little joke. I don't get it. I don't get it either. It is not funny to most. Do you need help out of there? Oh, I cannot leave. Why? My life has long since ended. This moss is the only thing keeping me alive. Is your memory in the moss? That is one way that I will live on. Yes.

But I continue to live so that my energies may, protect this tower and the secrets that it holds. Like what? Press my face further. Press the more. Yeah. Say it fogs up. During the slaughters, I had to flee my home, but I could not bear to destroy my research and my works. So I brought them here so that they may be protected until such a time that some would come to retrieve them and do good with them, as I had hoped to do. When was this? Was this before the Exodus? Exodus.

The leaving, yes, it was. Why didn't you leave? I was afraid. Who was hunting you? Oh, many. The elves. The kingdoms of men. Those that wanted our power. Those that served a darker power. They were. There were many that sought to do us harm. Darker power? What's that? Oh, there have been many throughout history who would make packs with minds beyond reason and embody a fraction of their power generally to do harm. Where were they from? What did they look like? The warlocks took many forms.

Anyone with the will and the recklessness to contact the outer dark. And willingly take a fraction into themselves. They were not ones to be trifled with. Wait, the outer dark, like, from the religion of the flame? The religion of the flame does speak of the outer dark, yes. But they are not the only ones. So they, they used the outer dark to do magic? This knowledge is knowledge that many have risked their lives and the lives of many innocents to gain.

Not information that I will give away willingly. I have had many dealings at the height of my power with the warlocks. And she looks at Tuck, she says, and I can recognize those touched by the darkness. What? Look at Tuck. Touched by the darkness was just a band I toured with once. Oh, yeah. Do you like them? They let me play bass once, but I was mostly their roadie. But they let me play bass once. Not as part of a show. They let me play one of their basses one time.

And then I touched the glass. And I'm like, it was pretty good when I did it. And I leave a bloody… And I'm like, oh, shit, sorry. No, she doesn't say anything else. And I try to use my wrist strap to, like, clean it up. Smear, smear, smear. Is your knowledge contained within the moss or within… I had a thought many years ago. Books contain knowledge, but they are for the holder only. Books are a privilege. The privileged often have more access to them.

So I thought perhaps that I could contain my knowledge in a method that would spread across the world and make my knowledge for all. You mean these moss dudes? The moss. Things such as peat. They're really mean, though. Oh. Peat is only trying to protect. Well, we ran into another one that seemed to be eating people. Is that so? Yes. That is a shame. Whoopsie. Whoopsie-daisy. She's got that classic wizard, like, well, that's too bad. You can't make an omelet without eating a few people.

Wasn't that area, though, like, a room full of books and stuff? Yeah. Oh, yeah. There are many of my colleagues whom I gifted my works to before things got really bad. So are they spread around? All your books? I should hope so. Oh, my God. There are some here. I have my closest texts. Can I see one of your books? She, like, big breath, like, can you be trusted? For those who have glimpsed the shadows, and she, kind of looks away from Tuck almost, knowledge such as this can be a temptation.

Can you be trusted? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He shows her his amethyst. Oh, yeah. I'm still a tree, yeah? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Have you not? Can I be trusted? Check me out. Look at this tree. You're a moss woman. I'm a tree man. Give me the books. Also, here's the spirit walker. She probably doesn't know what that is. Okay. That's before. That's what I told her. I was like, this guy's a spirit walker now. I told you. We need a theme song. Oh. Try to improvise one. Is that so?

And here's a spirit walker. Now's not the time, Tuck. Okay, sorry. Oh, God. He goes, ah, nice. Pleasure to make your acquaintance, spirit walker. And you, great master, I, you may call me Aquarian. Yes, Aquarian. Wow. Aquarian. If you are compatriots of my colleague, Perel, perhaps you can be trusted, but you must prove your strength of will. Hmm. How? The vault containing my works is the most protected and deep chamber in this tower.

Should you reach it unscathed, unharmed, or at the very least alive, you may be able to do so. You will be allowed to look upon them, not take them, but you may look upon them and gain some of the answers you seek. If you should die, well, I believe Pete will appreciate the nourishment. Cool. What if, what if one of us is like a, kind of like a wizard, like a small little baby wizard? And she like struggles to look over to you again? It's me. I'm the little wizard. I'm the little wizard.

She, she, she squints a little bit. Oh, you are one of the fairy folk. Yes. Oh, it has been many, many years since I have glimpsed one of you. What? You know others? I have met one or two in my time. Oh. Dangerous. Really? But powerful. Okay. She says, well, if you are one of the fairy folk, perhaps it will be. It will give you an advantage in reaching my vault. But simply because one of you walks between worlds does not mean that you are not without the temptations that all have for power.

It is temptations that have brought many of my kind low. And with your, forgive the expression, simple mortal minds, you must work for it. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. To have, though? Like, would it help? Philosophically, perhaps. Perel and I have different modes of thinking, different academic backgrounds. You're both into green shit. Yes. She laughs at that. She actually snorts. We are.

Him and I spent many days researching in the swamps and marshes of the world. Those were good days. Are you Perel's wife? No. No, no. Friend. Oh, okay. Perel took many lovers in our youth, but I was never one of them. What the fuck? You took them, like, where? To Applebee's. To Wapplebee's. To Wapplebee's. To the midnight double features. Perel was shameless. No, that's not true. To the bear in the chair. The bear in the chair. I forgot about that place.

The bear in the chair he always lost, but he always tried. Perel took many lovers, yes. He had the same urges and compulsions as anyone who lived his life as a man before his magical awakening. He used to be a man? Yes. Many of our kind began life as mortals before they were chosen in some fashion. How was Perel chosen? Do you know? He? He told me the story once or twice. I understand it was quite a trying time. Do you remember? There was loss and death. That is all I remember.

It is his story to tell. I like that, that every wizard's story of how they became a wizard is their own to tell. Yeah, totally. Is there something in your vault that can help us find Perel? Get to him and save him? Okay, here's what I'm going to say, Sean the Game Master. There is, but what is it? I could totally just come up with some weird magic thing, but I kind of want, this is kind of a cool opportunity for you guys to get straight up, hardcore, from the golden age, magical technology.

Okay. What could it be? To get to him? Or to help, yeah. It's basically just what would benefit you. It's either something that can help us get to him or something that can help us protect him. Protect him. Like I wonder, her moss, if it's all the way in land and stuff, it must go under the sea. And it's like sea moss. It can kind of survive in any climate. So I wonder if… How far her reach is. Yeah, her moss must reach really far. I was thinking too, it's like diatoms in the ocean.

There's little plant materials where all of Earth's oxygen comes from. It's a little plant material. So in the way that when she can disperse the moss through water in a cloud, rather than a form. So maybe you can go a little further. Like if she created like this like wave where we could see this current and follow it. Oh yeah. That's a good idea. Yeah, like when you have like a bloom. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Of algae or whatever. Algae, blue. Imagine like a blue road. Oh yeah.

I'm trying to think of just like super fantasy shit too. Like… Yeah. Yeah. Like a magical suit of moss armor. Moss that just lays on your body and protects you. Yeah. I was kind of thinking along those lines too. It could be like a piece of moss that like she designed to adapt and like act as like a prosthesis. Oh. And then it's also like an extension of her consciousness to some degree. So if you find this thing in the vault, like if there's like just like a… I imagine like a…

A terrarium. Like a terrarium with a ball of moss in it that is like maybe like a little pet almost kind of thing that like if like Bing just touches… Oh, fly out of the navigation. Is it what's that? Oh, he has a little creature. Yeah? A little buddy. Yeah, yeah. So it's like Bing just touches it and then it becomes his hand. And then it's also a way for her to be like, this will allow you to control the diatom roads that I've created in the Sea of Graves. This is so cool.

Man, people are getting so horny for this. Okay. She thinks for a moment, big breath in and out. In the vault, you will find a small crystal terrarium containing a beautiful piece of work that will carry with you an aspect of my knowledge and also perhaps make your friend whole again. Shapechanger? Yes? I see you have been wounded. This may help you. Okay. Yeah, we'll do it. What do we need? You will need a method by which to carry my work. And she breathes in and out.

And the moss along her chin pulls down and away across her chest, revealing a silver chain with an empty, looks like glass bobble on the end of it. She says, you must take this with you on your journey to the vault. And when you arrive, this will allow you to carry my work with you and an aspect of my knowledge. No problem. How do we open this thing here? Ving starts looking for hinges in a latch. I hope you understand that I am quite fearful of allowing you inside my chamber.

But please reach, small one. Yes? Reach your hand through. And the moss parts and a very shaky hand. Comes up from her side and grabs the necklace, pulls the chain off her neck and very shakily extends and places the necklace in your palm. Thank you. And another huge breath. She goes like, and pulls her arm back in and settles it back in the moss that grows back over her arm. Thank you for the trust you've shown me. Thank you for the trust you've shown us. We'll take really good care of it.

I suspect that you will. Billy hands it over to Ving. And Ving just opens up his furs, puts it into his amethyst chest. So it's just like settled in the middle of your chest with this like wall of amethyst around it? Oh, the sides, from all sides, crystals grow and tink. They meet it, like three of them. Yeah. Totally. Tink, box. It's still open. It's like open, like, yeah. Boom. Ving's body is getting weirder and weirder. Tell me about it. It's so cool. It's a fucking tree right now, man.

With an amethyst knot hole. Yeah. A fucking Iron Man Groot over here. Yeah. Really mashing universes. So she says, and with that, your challenge has begun. The first was to gain my trust, which you have done. Many would be not willing to put themselves through such dangers. For knowledge they may not be able to utilize. So that is the first step complete. The second is a challenge of faith. And the room starts to rumble. You hear like, Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's happening?

As the moss ripples underneath you and forms this like wave that pushes her crystal chamber aside, revealing a sheet of moss that ripples over an opening that seems very similar to the opening in the stairs. You get the feeling that there is a huge opening underneath this carpet of moss. I can smell the air. Yeah, I can feel like, you know, when like a deep hole, all that like cold wind brushing out. Yeah. Stale air. Yeah. Like air that hasn't been out of there for hundreds of years.

Vin gets that feeling underneath his balls and knows that he's standing on the edge of a great precipice. Yeah. Oh boy. Hey, Aquaria. Yes, little one. Did you die? Are you alive? I am alive, yes. But the moss keeps me so. When the bad times came, they came for me and I made them regret it. But not before they did violence to me. I came here to this tower to hide and was able to entomb myself with moments to spare. And now if I leave, my wounds will overtake me and I will die. I will die.

Do you ever want us to come back for you? It would be nice to have visitors. Okay, we'll see you again. Thank you. Good luck. And we hold hands. Okay. One, two, three. Good counting, Billy. Whoa! And you jump. And that is where we're gonna end it for today. I've been your game master, Sean O'Hara. Joining me as always, playing Fat Billy, the Halfling Thief, Jessica Tai. Bye, everyone. Playing Ving, the Half-Elf Druid, Paul Oppers. Take care. Playing Tacoma Dome, the Barbarian, Abdul Aziz.

So long. Thank you to Aaron Reid for our intro and outro music. Thank you to all of our amazing susporters around the world. Patreon susporters, social media susporters, listener susporters. Review susporters. Review susporters. If you want to review us on iTunes, we would not say no. In fact, we're saying do it. Please. Please. Not a five-star, review, then you can go eat my schnuts. Anything less than five stars and we will know. We'll send you a box of schnuts to eat on camera.

We're on at Spout Lore in most places. Go to the Facebook Spout Lore fan club. That's fun. Reddit r slash Spout Lore. There's some cool discussion going on there. We're just having a great time and we're glad that you're having a great time with us. Thanks a lot, everybody. We love you. We love you. We'll catch you next time. We love you. We love you. That was forced. Ours sounded sarcastic. Ours sounded sarcastic. It's forced and sarcastic. Yeah. I legit love you all. I love you too.

I'm going to say it to you guys. Okay. I love you guys. Aw. That was for the audience. Yeah. Yeah, that's nice. Okay, bye. And so ends the tale of adventures three who tried the best they can though dumb and scared and lost they be for times of rest and revelry and though our journey may be like a conclusion we will not leave you without a resolution return next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores and for you I'd gladly spout more