Episode 4 – Clarence

Spout Lore is only made possible through the contributions of listeners like you. If you would like to donate, please go to Spout Lore dot com slash money, please, or patreon dot com slash Spout Lore. And if you go there, you'll get a bunch of bonus content, too, which is nice. It's good bonus content. I work really fucking hard on it. A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old. You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring.

So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing. Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight. Fingers half-elf, he shifts his shape and wields a spear with great might. Billy's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart. Best and brightest, they men are. But their friendship outweighs their smarts. So gather round, friends, and listen close. For the tale's about to start. Hello, everybody, and welcome to Spout Lore.

I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara. Joining me as always, playing Tacoma Dome, the barbarian, Abdul Aziz. Hello, everybody. Playing Ving, the half-elf druid, Paul Oppers. Hi. And playing Fat Billy, the halfling thief, Jessica Tai. Hello. When last we left our heroes, they began their journey into the Great Forest at the hands of Dathaniel, the Ranger King's talon, including long-lost childhood crush of Laran Garvinga. Don't say my full name. Wendy, a.k.a. Wendeliari. Man, elves suck.

And we're just kind of free-balling the names. This is the most we've gotten. We're going to look at a different language so far. We got a brief introduction to a group of rangers, including Taurus, a large, silent half-elf with a brace of hatchets. Nesh, the young guy doing cool karate kicks next to the fire. Lysander, an old ranger, smoking a pipe. And Wendy. Billy snuck off into the woods to get more information on why Wendy is the way that she is. And using lightning in a bottle.

Got a little shadow play of how Wendy's family has been personally victimized by the corruption at the heart of the court of the forest. Being thrown in prison for not paying dues to the proper corrupt noble, basically. Yeah. Leading her to join the rangers. And Billy got the idea, joined Dathaniel in his quest to bring down the nobility. And leading us to wanting to go to Wendy's, the restaurant, this weekend. Right. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Because of Wendy's restaurant. The party had a brief snooze in the woods and then arrived at the Boreal Reaches capital. Vigil. A city in the trees. Being accosted by a pair of giant flying squirrel riding guards. Pretty cool. The party was imprisoned in a hanging prison made of living tree cages. And given a brief look at the elven tradition. Tradition of shunning where they all just turned their back on the party and had a meal.

Which was really it was just a really awkward meal because they're all facing the same direction. Yeah. The musicians were facing the same direction. No one could look at each other really. Billy made an enemy of a young elf noble named Finn. A little boy with a bowl cut who he threw a pine cone at. Yeah cause he's a piece of shit. Yeah he is a piece of shit. Billy swapped Finn's food with a bunch of crap. Like sticks and branches and leaves and bugs. I think some literal shit.

I think literal turds. Actual turds. Some literal shit. A bug. There was a bug in there. There was some bugs. A big bug yeah. And our friends met a new friend of theirs Illurio an old man. Yeah. In a cage nearby who has been imprisoned for fraud.

He was a nice companion for you up until the point where it was decided that the only way you were gonna get what you needed to get was to escape from the cage so Illurio gave you some information on how to charm the wood and you escaped down the side of the tree and it was because Dathaniel didn't come for us. He said he would send someone to get us. Yes. There was somebody that was supposed to let you out and they did not.

So you escaped and began climbing down the tree palace of Vigil and discovered the reason that no one had come yet was because there was a meeting happening in Dathaniel's court in which other nobles demanded your immediate execution you realized that time was of the essence and hurried down the tree following Ving's remembrance of the paths though overgrown and brambly now to the tree of knowledge at the city of Vigil Billy did a brief bit of detective work connecting to the tree itself finding that the trees of the forest the knowledge trees originally connected via a vast root network to the tree at the heart of the forest have begun to isolate and corrupt and Billy saw at the very heart of the forest in the heart of the heart tree a small piece of night black obsidian and that is where we find our heroes now Billy you've just discovered this corruption at the very very heart of the forest and Tuck you hear a great cry go up from where you assume is the direction of the tree cages and you know that time is now getting away from you people are going to be looking for you now like the guard is crying like they're going to be so mad at me exactly I'm going to get fired I just got a new sound of over armor I can't afford the lease basement that's exactly what you hear my elf credits gonna be shit after this and then you hear him go no I promise it wasn't me as you hear a greater cry as everybody finds that guard crying in front of the cages now empty and you hear find them so I turn to these guys and I go I think people are fucking coming what do we do get out of here we know there's tunnels under the trees right oh fun yeah we did talk about how some of the trees are connected via tunnels but it's a matter of like getting into those tunnels can I discern realities to see if I can find like a secret passage into the tunnels absolutely yeah so discern realities there's not a single dice on the table right because what is happening you guys didn't pour out all your dice during my intro to throw me off like normal whoa so many dice okay we really only need two d6 yeah I'm gonna use that sound for if anyone ever rolls dice okay I need one d dice a three-sided dice should do for this roll that is actually a very fun idea yeah all right all right 2d6 plus wisdom oh no you knew you knew what this was what this was I forgot all of my stats I'm already ready to aid okay everybody pick up your aid dice just roll them at the same time okay yeah that's a that's a two so I got ten so bringing that two or three okay I'm gonna roll my aid ten also so that's a four guys I'm so sorry that was the only time I would have allowed you to double aid unfortunately so what's tuck doing to make this no I don't have TLC they took another reason we need to get in the tunnels get TLC and then get the fuck out of here are we sure that our weapons are in the tunnels no no no we sneak back and yeah they would probably be in the actually there's really no way to know where they are can I commune with TLC from a distance can you can you use shadow dance to find them is it is it daytime yet no I want to talk to the trees that are locked in the endless network you guys talk so fast you bamboozled me into forgetting that Abdul failed miserable so now because you didn't let me do the first failure two failures combine into a mega failure no but what it is is you see like tuck your warrior sense you hear like voices and shouting and running you know that they are like moments away from finding you shit shit shit shit can we like hide out somewhere and wait till things die down yeah you could totally hide we could do this without TLC that's the thing we would risk like going back we risk ourselves to get them and they're probably fine we could just probably pick them up later yeah could but I just feel weird going somewhere without TLC yeah mm-hmm okay oh I have an idea what if just I get captured what maybe that's a bad absolutely not okay we should go we should go yeah we should just go okay let's go we'll be back okay so you're just running into the woods yeah okay yes are you just like sprinting through the forest like trying to get away are you trying to like find a place to hide I think it would be kind of like a mad dash kind of situation yeah then yeah defy danger dexterity for all of us yeah for everybody seven seven eight seven eight okay so you just start barreling through the trees while tuck begins barreling through the trees yes being probably a little more gracefully and Billy patterning along on his tiny little legs you're getting smacked in the face by a variety of underbrush and low hanging tree branches but behind you you see like lights and voices in pursuit they are right on your tail being asked the trees let us pass friends part go ahead and roll defy danger wisdom oh seven okay you see the trees begin to part and the underbrush begins to pull away creating this nice furrow through the woods for you easing your passage picturing him speedwalking you know that really really fast speedwalking yeah totally and uh you look behind a lot of hips you look behind and you realize that the path through the wood is not closing behind you creating a pretty straight shot to where you are it backfired so I've got a ton of Is it still night?

I guess it's still night Yeah it's pretty late I'm going to use my last very child Oh And I'm going to create a convincing illusion Oh nice What is your convincing illusion? I would like it to be the three of us running in a different direction Basically Yeah Yeah Defy Danger Charisma 11 Sick So good So is it just like a one to one perfect Illusion of the three of you?

It's looking so good I imagine you gotta keep the illusions Around a little bit just long enough For people to like spot them So you take off and the illusory Versions of you kind of like Stand in place looking at your watch for a second Twiddling your thumbs Ving pulls out a newspaper And then you hear There they are And then your illusions take off into the woods And you hear Crash crash crash crash crash As the pursuing party that broke off Carries on following your illusions In a different direction into the woods And you have a moment to yourselves to think So where to?

I would like to use the Night moves Is that night?

Oh yeah To commune with the night sky and see where we need to end up being Nice A new move Yeah go ahead and roll it so it's 2d6 plus wisdom Come on big boon Oh yeah nice 12 12 Ooh So what do we think The situation is Now that we know the gibbous man is the god of the sky Do we think that Ving is talking to the gibbous man Or do we think that He is talking to like spirits of the sky I thought that he was using the stars More than anything Which like in the way that the druids used to Yeah that's what I was thinking So totally The space in between the sky Oh yeah using like reading the runes and stuff Yeah Like tealings Yeah Yeah that's cool Astro-mancy Cool name Cool name What if it kind of looks like They don't like necessarily talk to him But Ving can like see all the stars up in the sky And it'll kind of like ping like from star to star Like a little Like Like a path A path Like a google maps Yeah basically Yeah That only Ving can see I actually Yeah I do like that So it's less of like Here is a bird's eye view of the forest And more like a The stars get brighter in a line Yeah Of the map Oh cool Yeah They can become more luminous Yeah exactly So like as long as you are able to Get a look at The night sky While you're out here in the forest Like you will Not get lost basically You'll always have the opportunity to To figure out exactly where you are on your path The only obstacle in terms of Getting to the heart tree Is that the forest is pretty large If you're gonna be walking It's gonna take a long time We need to get one of those flying squirrels Oh I actually like that idea Yeah Please do that Please do that Please do that That'd be so fun How do we get one?

We just steal them from the corral that they're in Yeah they're chasing somebody else We can go back to the corral Yeah You also know that there are wild ones as well Oh we could charm a wild one Ooh Let's do that And then we can call ourselves the wild ones Charm a wild one I like this That's the name of our gang man We're the wild ones Okay there's only one way to find out Where the flying squirrels are Is by looking for all There it is A huge pile of shit Massive pile of shit Okay it's not gonna be quite That is a good spot to start Start tracking one Let's uh Let's Spout Lore about them maybe Oh that's great So we can learn We learn a bit more about them Ving will Spout Lore about the flying squirrels To find out if we can find them Five Ugh Uh so But Ving's gonna use his past From when he was a little boy in the forest So I get to use my wisdom Oh okay For sure he learned about all these animals Yeah so Give me a little A little memory of Ving interacting with these things As a youth When he was a kid he was very scared of them They were very unpredictable running around the forest Because he ran around the forest before he came into town And then he's like people ride them Right yeah So he thought they were insane The people riding them were crazy people Uh but he uh Found out that they are pretty Smart Yes they are smart yeah Very skittish They're more afraid of you than you are of them Right yeah And if you can't If you don't move they can't see you Like a Jurassic Park Yeah What if you don't move they can't see you They have a hard time because they're always flipping around That's why Oh I see They hunt bugs and bats Anything that's always moving Yeah Nice So what'd you get with your wisdom It was a seven Seven okay so Interesting but not useful Yeah on top of Your knowledge of them being a lot smarter Than you might think for a mount They're quite intelligent And And the fact that they can't see anything That's not actively moving Or they have a harder time tracking things That aren't moving You know that these things called tree gliders That's what they're generally called by elves Are nocturnal So they're out hunting right now And when they hunt they're high up in the trees So it would probably be pretty difficult To track one down right now unless you were to go High up into the tree cover These are huge trees Yeah We can probably climb a tree Yeah Or you could go and try and steal one of those trees Those are like your two options basically Or the harder option is go up in the trees And try and track down a wild one Or go back and try and steal one from the stables If we get one of the tame ones Then we can't call ourselves the wild ones Yeah exactly What's the point of being like little Like refugees of the forest If we can't be the wild ones You're right We're total fugitives now That's the word We gotta do Yeah Refugees of the forest But you know what Billy That was good trying a new word Thank you I really appreciate it Thank you Thank you I appreciate it I can remember like Perel Was teaching me a lot of new languages Oh right We still have Perel and Morris in the fanny pack Can we cut to them for a second Yeah they're just having like a nice Dinner They're just like Like that scene in The Last of Us It's a bonjour Yeah exactly Yeah exactly Yeah it's like Bill and Frank in The Last of Us Drinking a nice wine out of paper wine glasses Cute And eating like a little steak It's good It is good It is It is So you wanna go for like a swim after this We cut back to the forest And it's those guys Oh my god You hear like dogs barking Trying to climb a tree as fast as you can And you hear Tuck go Refugees are people that are displaced by a war or something Whereas a fugitive is someone On the run from the law So it's us most of the time But like how do we know that we're not also refugees at the same time Because we're being displaced all the time You know sometimes we wanna lay down They're like get out of here That's kind of like being a refugee I guess yeah we could also in that interpretation Say that we are refugees But honestly Billy I'm not totally comfortable with it Because it feels like there's a kind of stolen valor Aspect to it It's kind of punching down for some reason Is it really?

Billy's gonna think longer about the refugee situation The refugee situation Yeah Which is His platform That he's running on Yeah I gotta solve this I gotta solve this thing We gotta stop him from saying that in public He's talking about the refugee situation Cut back to like a day ago We're at a cafe somewhere And Billy's like I've just been trying to solve the refugee situation Yeah that was us at the all day breakfast Yeah I was talking to like a different waitress That she walked by And I was trying to explain that we're refugees And she was like I'm so sorry Yeah and I was like Oh I like that she feels sorry for us She gave me like extra milk And I was like So we've been actively dealing with Billy's lying For the last few weeks Yeah exactly So you guys are trying to climb up the trees Yes Just straight away from where you are Or do you walk for a while?

I thought we were running Like during this whole time Yes Okay yeah great So you run for a good long while Yeah And then you're like Oh we can't keep fucking running I'm gonna die if we have to keep running That's what Billy's thinking Yeah That's what Billy's thinking As Tuck is holding Yeah Oh my god All this bobbing up and down This is exhausting me He's getting so car sick My little boobies are bouncing so much They are bouncing Oh my god They're like Chafing against my little shirt My nipples are raw It's cause you guys won't let me go topless You're just You're not old enough to notice how cold you get I like that Billy gets like He starts like shivering and doesn't notice No I'm just scared or something Fine Yeah So then you're like He wants to find a big like chestnut Chestnut tree Something with big limbs that's easy to climb Yeah you find a nice big strong chestnut tree The trees in the boreal forest of course are enormous So is everybody gonna try and go up into the tree?

Is each of them like one of those massive redwoods That you see in like the state parks in California? Yeah Like 20 feet across kind of thing? I think a lot of them are Yeah And I mean it crowds out a lot of other stuff too Like a giant cathedral grove kind of Yeah But with flatter ground Yeah Yeah easier to run on Yeah Yeah!

Like all of the trees are like that Not just like the cedars Like it's everything is huge I like that the underbrush is like the size of our maple trees Like some of the huckleberries are like apple sized Yeah That's fun And then the fallen logs it's just like I don't know there's so many mushrooms and things growing off of them Oh yeah Oh Yeah You can run through it like Uh huh Riding my shoulders Right So there's a real like What's it called? The wanderers?

Is there like a Like your tiny It's like tiny The returners The borrowers Yeah The returners? That's what I wish they were right?

They're always the borrowers Yeah Never the returners So yeah as we run away from the city There's like starts to be a borrowers vibe Where we're going through like these giant like nurse logs Yeah And whatever I like that Yeah Yeah and you have a feeling that You're probably a couple hours away from sunrise But the tree gliders are still out hunting for a little bit longer I bet we can't hear the elves anymore though No you're basically alone All you hear are the sounds of the forest Cool Can I hear them hunting above me?

Do they make any sounds?

I think you would have to listen very closely I wonder if they're silent Yeah I think they fly silently Like owls Yes Yeah But you can tell that they're passing overhead Because other creatures stop making noise Yes And if the moon or stars are bright enough You just see like a bit of shadow Yeah I was thinking the shadows would be creepy too Like the stars get blocked out for a second Well yeah Because I said earlier the Ving is like Deafened almost He's like constantly being inundated Yeah Because this is Yeah His homeland of all the voices Because it's very familiar Yeah He speaks the language So yeah I like that idea that he's like Oh shit Like everyone's shutting up over there So he's able to follow the silence That is very cool That's very cool You're tracking it via the absence of sound Yeah That's really sick This is actually This is probably a pretty good illustration of like Why elves develop the hearing that they did Like their directional sound processing Is probably so much stronger than like the average human Oh yeah And we see like Ving's like elf ears are like Yeah Twitching and moving way more than they've ever done Gross And also cool Like a deer like Yeah like rotating Just a little bit I think a little bit of a flick Yeah Is that a thing that you like suppress most of the time So that you don't look weird Like a weird elf Sorry Tuck ass Is that a thing you try not to do because it's fucking gross Ving and Billy take a step back from Tuck The gang's getting more racist over time Man we have a lot of fun I've got to get out of elf country Look what it's doing to us Yeah I'm talking to refugees And then you're saying it's weird It's a weird ears Oh right Being around elves just makes you more racist Yeah But this like directional elf hearing Is helping you kind of figure out where the paths are intersecting There's a school of bats Feeding off dragonflies And so they're like Going around in circles Yeah Taking off the bats And this is like the first time We're seeing like Ving in his like natural habitat So like there's like a Almost lupine grace that he develops Like running through the forest Like he knows exactly where to step and stuff Yeah his other grace Like when you would be like Wow When we were McCall was like a practice martial art Because he was practicing so much This just is like second nature Like he's being blown with the wind It's like putting a piece of pie back into the whole pie And it fitting perfectly And then having sex with the pie And then yeah fucking the pie I know what you're talking about You know when you put a piece of pie back into a pie And you're like That pie's ready to get fucked I've spent months reconstructing this fuckable pie I've traveled across these lands Piece by piece and now it's my time People won't come to my Thanksgiving dinners anymore Because I keep going to their house And taking their leftover pie slices Saying I need this for a thing He's gonna have sex with it isn't he honey Yeah But yeah so you've discovered a location At the base of a towering chestnut tree That's a good place to be Yeah That you think is sort of like the epicenter Of a hunting ground for It's a big dead chestnut tree So that's the bats are living in the middle of it Oh yeah And the silence here tells you that there must be Tree gliders above Let's go up Yeah let's climb So everybody's climbing up Defy danger strength everybody Oh god I got a six I got ten Can I aid?

Yeah Yeah Billy's just Hugging the tree and he Can't like move Yeah Or he's like I'm so high off the ground I'm so scared If I let go That's it for me Yeah like tuck in Vig like forgot We had a kid for a second we started just like Hand over hand cliffhanger climbing Yeah And we looked down and Billy is like shaking You forgot Billy you forgot Billy It's not always my responsibility to carry him Just because he's here and I'm like oh my god He's usually in my beard doesn't mean you get to just not check I'm sorry I'm just scared because I forgot Billy I got an eight on the eight Okay so yeah the eight you're able to grab Billy And I guess the downside is that Billy is so scared That he just like latches onto your forearm Like a fucking like Oh gauntlet Yeah like a gauntlet And he's just gripped onto your arm He grips into it so tight and we haven't cut his nails in weeks You will not let him do that Let us And every week that goes by It gets scarier to try and cut those nails Because he keeps fighting us But yeah you know hand over hand arm over arm You climb up this giant dead chestnut tree Passing fissures in the bark And like knots and holes That suggest a great rich inner life Things that live off the decay of the forest Team within the trunk of this tree Oh shit Yeah There's a geocache in here There's a little piece of tupperware With a little notebook and a pen inside Let's open it It has a stale joint in here Oh halfling pipe weed Somebody left a keychain that says Ass, gas or grass Nobody rides for free I'm keeping that Dibs You put your name on the geocache And return it to its hole And continue climbing up the trunk And at the top of the tree You reach a point where the branches start to arc out For many feet Because the tree is so huge It creates this interwoven Sort of lattice work of branches Oh with like the rest of the trees?

That's cool Because the scale of the trees is so massive That they all kind of weave together near the top Oh so the canopy we can move amongst Pretty freely Yeah you might be able to Cool That's sick Because this tree is dead The deep dark night sky Hangs above you The stars lighting the way Wow And as you reach the top Before you even realize it's there Crouched Amongst the branches Is a giant sugar glider basically But they have big eyes They have big eyes Yeah instead of like flying squirrels They look more like sugar gliders Like the ones with the long tails And they have like big dark eyes And fluffy ears But it's like And it gets bigger and bigger And it gets bigger and bigger And it's like eating a bat Yeah It's got a bat in its mouth That's horrifying And then it like chomps back And it's like Who are you?

Who comes here to the realm of the trees? It is I the prince of the Boyo Reach I know not your kind You come to my home Where I hunt Where I feed Where I run Your home is my home We are but neighbors of the forest Allow us to ingratiate you with A gift When we hear him say Say that We all Rub a trickle Around our backpacks What the fuck? Just immediately like Oh my god again Yeah I mean like What do they think Of their Their brothers and sisters Being kept Being ridden by men?

That's a great question We are here to talk to you About freeing your kind From the clutches Of the elf rangers And the elf guard Who keep them hostage And use them as beasts of burden Many of my kind Have been taken by the elves And I'm not going to I'm not going to I'm not going to Their minds twisted Their forms Sullied by those Of the two walkers Tell them we're going to Take down the court of the woods We are here to destroy The car of the woods Court of the woods Car of the woods Carry of the woods Carry Underwood We're here to ruin Carry Underwood's career We're here to kill Carry Underwood We're going to give Jesus back the wheel Wait what'd you say?

I said well We're going to give Jesus back the wheel What? I don't get that reference That's a song called Jesus take the wheel Jesus take the wheel Take it from my head That's really fucking funny We're here to give Jesus back the wheel Yes Yes Take them down Free my people Yes We will This is what you offer?

We offer you freedom Of the forest To take down the court Of the woods Very well With prejudice We will destroy them Ah yes Let us go We will use their prejudice Against them Yes The way we do it The way that you're talking about it Makes it seem like It's not something That you want to do right now But maybe something later?

Because I want to do it right now Oh we do not have time For they are expecting us right now Oh Well then And he starts climbing up the tree Wait don't go And he stops and he turns Well can we just release Like Can we open a corral maybe? Like fly back with him And then like Release a bunch of these guys?

That would create chaos in the town Uh huh Make it harder for them to find us And we could escape on them I like it Yeah Yeah Wait don't go Okay I'm listening Let's make it happen right now Right now Let's free them Right now And he starts rubbing his little paws together Call upon your brother and sister's hood What do you call it? Your group of people? Oh The Uh um The Wait What's a group of squirrels called?

That's stupid I will call upon the scurry That's stupid I like it I like it I like it a lot That's really funny Scurry But really what we should like It's We can't just attack It would be too dangerous For my brothers and sisters To assault the elves En masse Perhaps a stealth mission Is more at hand We trust you You know the forest Like no other Climb aboard Can we all ride them? Can we all fit?

We'll see I've been working out You look pretty swole Thank you And I should say These things are really big So Hope Like Tuck is a massive person But you should be You should be alright Yeah it feels like They're about the size of like A highland cow And their Tuck could ride A highland cow Oh they're bigger than that They're bigger than a highland cow? Yeah yeah yeah yeah Yeah they're really big Are they bigger than a lowland cow?

They're bigger than a midland cow Oh my god Holy shit Um Yeah so hop aboard Thank you What is your name? My name is Clarence It's nice to meet you Clarence It is nice to meet you I thought you'd be a little nicer But I guess I get why you're mad I'm not Can I be honest with you? Yeah I'm just really scared right now Why?

Cause you guys climbed up in my tree And started asking me all these questions And there's nobody else here And my mom and dad are out And they're hunting And I just So you're just a baby That wasn't your real voice? Was that just a fake scary voice? I was trying to be scary Oh it was working This is the best This is the best This is a child that we're taking?

I mean I wouldn't say I'm a child No I'm this many He holds up his four fingered little paw Should we wait till your mom and dad get back?

No I can do No I can do this Me Clarence I'm definitely not grounded Hop Let's get on Let's go before my mom and dad get back They're gonna be so mad You're gonna be a fucking warrior You're gonna be celebrated As a freer of your people Clarence And then I'm gonna get to eat All the bats I want Yeah Onward And he starts like Jumping from trunk to trunk And you really gotta fucking hold on to this thing Oh my god They have loose skin Cause you can just grab it Like a handful of their loose skin Yeah Yeah it's definitely like There's a tradition amongst like Elven tree gliders Where like You can wear the harnesses And ride the saddles and stuff like that But riding bareback That's the way To really show your skills Oh yeah Tree gliding Is Ving good at this?

Oh yeah he's good at Riding all things bareback I shouldn't have What do you mean? No you're right No I mean like he was like He's You know he was never He would never dream of Wearing a condom It doesn't feel natural It's not the same What are you a sailor? Sailor? Yeah so I guess Somebody's gonna You're gonna have to hold on Hold on Hold on Dexterity How are you? Do we all have to do it?

Bareback Well we'll start with Sorry If you guys would let me finish My sentences Before you roll die Sorry That was an accident Okay Yeah I mean you didn't Throw it at me So that makes sense It shouldn't be over here Yeah we'll start with Ving's roll And then depending on how you do Then you could potentially provide Insight to the others Okay So what I'm gonna do is this Gets up there And like squishes in Folds it around his legs Scattered in his arms Like makes a saddle Out of the back Plus dexterity I think plus your wisdom Cause you're using like Your memory Nine To do this Nine Can we aid?

Oh yeah Depending on how you tell me You aid Cause you guys don't know How to do this Maybe Billy's just helping Push all the skin around Stupid Well I was thinking like Ving is basically Just putting himself Into a papoose Made out of this animal's skin So Billy knows how to Get into a papoose That's true So he's helping Ving like position himself Properly to like get Super extra snug In the papoose Yeah Yeah totally Alright 2d6 plus bond Billy's been worn as a baby Many times Uh huh Eleven Okay Holy shit Nice Billy is well and truly Papoosed And papoosing Ving Into the skin Leave enough skin For my arms And you're all You're all wrapped up In there Except for Tuck And Tuck like He just gets on the back He's like I'm pretty sure I know How to ride one of these Things guys And he holds like Loosely with one hand Yeah Like an absolute Dip shit dad That's never ridden a Harley And he's like I'm pretty sure I could Get on one of these things Just before he sends it Into an agape Ground pool Just revs it And then it shoots out From between his legs Alright Miami's So you're not Holding on tightly So it's not strength No it is It is strength He Ah you said loosely Constitution then Constitution I would accept To accept the absolute Power of the body Of battering I'm gonna get As this thing jumps From tree to tree Alright Like the extreme G force That it creates Yeah I bet you It won't last Eight seconds It's like It's like riding A mechanical bull Oh yeah 100% Uh so it's Nine Okay I'd like to aid Okay yeah Two to six Plus bond Just like wow What a man What a man What a man I got snake eyes Oh my god That's That's my bond Is three I'm too wedged in To you Oh yeah I'm using up Too much skin Oh yeah You've got all the skin Yeah so you're all Skinned up Ving and Billy Are kind of Safely enshrined In Clarence's Back skin And Tuck gets on the back And is like I've done this I used to ride Jet skis At Lake Tahoe And That's the vibe Yeah and Clarence Goes onward And his Powerful Fucking tree glider Legs like Shoot off Like a Spring And literally Seconds After leaving This branch Tuck catches A low hanging one Right in the forehead Just wham Roll a d6 Five Five damage As you're just Concussed By this branch But he's able to Hang on I guess Oh yeah No you're able to hang on For sure Like that is kind of the choice You can let go If you don't want to Take this damage But I'll take I have three armor That's like two damage I don't give a shit So you just take the branch Full on in the skull Yeah The branch breaks Yeah Tumbles to the ground Yeah but it breaks It breaks in front of me In a way where my head Keeps hitting it Every time the thing jumps It's like the branches Are wrapped up on your arm And the branch The wood part of it Just slapping you in the face It's like the opposite Of a helmet Is what it is It's The cosmic Antithesis Of the concept Of a helmet And yeah Clarence is like Leaping from branch to branch Zipping through the trees He runs like Trunk Jump Trunk Jump Leaps into the air Extends his arms And his flaps go And he glides Between a bunch of trees Threading the needle Top gun style So cool Wow And he is really Hauling ass And then he Turns back and goes Pretty cool huh Pretty sweet Very really pretty cool Check this out And he runs up The trunk of a tree And then like Leaps upside down Whoa Leaps off upside down Whoa Whoa Whoa Whoa Whoa And then flips over And goes Don't worry I gotcha And he's running For a good long while Every time he does This stunt Tuck gets even more hurt Yeah He's like Hitting his face On the trunks of trees He's getting bark In his mouth He does a loop-deed loop And somehow punches himself In the face And then you realize That Clarence Has no idea Where he's going And he's just doing stunts Oh shit Um Yeah Ha ha Ha ha Ha ha Clarence We need to get to the compound Where is that?

Ah I've never Left That cops before Yeah Oh no God This gets so much worse Um Okay You just stole a baby Ha ha ha Um Okay so Yeah Ving rolls over And pulls back The flap Of skin above his head Like a moonroof And he's like Left right left Just tugging on him Pointing him Yeah And About 45 minutes later Because he is hauling Absolute ass You reach like A spot in the tree Where you start seeing The lights of vigil And you hear voices As The activity in the city Has kind of kept up Now that Three fugitives Have escaped Into the forest But uh Clarence stops Quite a distance From the city itself Is this Is this the place?

This is it Okay Then It's time To free My kin Can I um Use my binoculars To find the lake I guess it Would be like A stable That they keep them in Yeah totally Up in the trees I'd imagine too Oh yeah Yeah To certain realities Okay Seven Okay So you get one question One question I guess what here Is useful or valuable to me Yep So using your binoculars You Peek forward Through the canopy Clarence walks you A little bit closer Because like The branches were obscuring A lot of what you could see And making little sounds As if I'm zooming in Deep Deep Deep Deep Deep!

Deep?

Zip zip zip I can't even make sounds Doop doop doop Click click click Billy's making all these sounds Yeah totally Doop doop doop And if you two could see Through Billy's perspective You would realize that As he's making these noises And moving his hands He's seeing things At angles That should be impossible Oh Like he's seeing like Around trunks And shit And zooming in In full 3D Yeah He's like separated His brain Perception from his body Keeps zooming in On different like Pies on windowsills Yeah there's a There's an elf sitting there Eating like a bowl of stew I linger on that Oh that's nice Raking across the top of the trees And then seeing steam And then following the steam All the way down to something To a pie Yeah Cooling on a windowsill As a man in the top hat With the top punched out Creeps up to the windowsill No No Is that Oh god what's his name?

Illurio Yeah that's Illurio Yes Yes You see Illurio Tiptoeing up to a windowsill With a pie on it And he looks into the camera That is Billy's vision Puts his finger to his mouth Puts a piece of pie Back into the pie Yeah Oh my god Yeah I do like that he all Billy also like Just stared at Finn For like Yeah Oh yeah Yeah Stupid little idiot With his bowl cut I also like that he's like Sitting on the toilet And then he's like The side of his head And then he's just like Oh he's looking around Yeah Finn can feel like The heat of Billy's stare And he's like Someone I feel like I'm being watched right now I'm like of course you are You little turd lid And then you hear Finn go Mummy I think a fairy Is watching me in the bathroom Can you come in here And read to me Wipe my bottom mummy Right away Finn Gally all right But you do know that Finn is a fairy And he's like I do find High up in the canopy Like where the branches Start weaving together You see what looks like A bunch of Hammocks Made out of branches Grouped together But spreading out Over quite a distance And in some of those hammocks Are sleeping Large Tree gliders That way Good job Billy What Thanks So what But how do we get through unseen Just uh Oh Can you travel On top of the canopy Of the trees Oh yeah No that Yeah that makes way more sense Do these things have any kind of Camouflage or anything I mean like in the way that Squirrels and sugar gliders do Like their Their patterns Oh yeah I also bet that their tummies Are like black The night sky Yeah Interesting Yeah that is cool Maybe because We said that the stars are out Do they have little like Like dots Light dots Yeah That would be cute Oh that's pretty cute That's very cute That's adorable And then what's the top part like Like Oh would it just look like The canopy Oh yeah In case they got hunted From above It's kind of like Styrated like Like calico-ish Yeah Sort of There's like Criss-crossing lines On their back Creating like little Like patches Dots and patterns Yeah Like a canopy brindle Yeah Totally But yeah Now that we know So they've got black Stomachs with like Star-like dots on them And then they're sort of like Green and brown And black on the top Yeah So I'd like to go up Pretty high Into the sky Yeah And then come down I just wanted that moment Of a flying squirrel Oh yeah Sure Like a bigger thing In front of the moon Like the Batman But it's a flying squirrel Can we do that He makes a big leap Up above the The trees Oh yeah And it like It does like the pause At the arc of his jump As he spreads out The moon and stars Shining down on his Majestic form And then he dives Back into the canopy That was so cool That was so scary I thought I was gonna fall For sure That was sick Clarence I knew you could do it You've got the heart Of a warrior And the freedom Of a wild one Thank you Thank you I'm so excited right now And he starts like Crawling through The branches It gets a lot tighter up here So you kind of have to Duck close to his body And he pauses In the canopy Above Maybe like 20-30 feet Above where the hammocks are And you see A handful of snoozing Tree gliders And he goes Okay I can't get any closer Or they'll see me That's okay We could go down Mm-hmm Okay Tell me the names Of your Friends down there These ones I don't know They've been in servitude Too long What do you call those In servitude?

Uh The Carry Or Elf Elf bear Elf bears The nameless one The nameless Oh they remove their names Lost boys The lost boys The lost Yes The lost The lost boys They have No names They only know Servitude Oh no So sad What drives them To servitude? They are raised In captivity By the elves But can we spell Lower Yes The sugar Yeah 2d6 plus Intelligence I got an 8 8 So interesting But not useful So what do you What do you want to know?

Just like something So that we could Help with the uprising You know what I mean?

Like give us a little context Of how the elves Keep them there Why they're there Oh I see what you mean You would guess That it's like any Animal in captivity They're raised from Birth To be Like work animals Basically It's like It's not a I wish I was free It's like This is my master I love this guy Yeah And I'll go out with him And we'll go track down Fugitives Whenever he wants Oh so we might have to like Raise a frenzy Within them Like a A want To be free Hey Clarence Yes Can you use your scary voice To like Talk to them?

Oh oh yeah That's a good idea And tempt them to come back To the wilds Yeah Tell them stories Of freedom Yeah Tell them Oh all the Bats you eat But the The one thing Is I'm I'm really scared Of getting caught So can you go down there And make sure there's nobody there That's gonna see me? Done Okay I'm gonna wait here Okay let's go I have trap expert Yes you do Oh yeah Nice I think that would That would Okay let's do that Yeah I like that Okay Ten Hell yeah Sweet So Sean is there a trap here?

And if so what activates it? There is a trap here No In that On a nearby hammock Much smaller And it looks like It was woven More recently Is an elf Snoozing Oh jeez Amongst the tree gliders Okay what What does the trap do When activated? It wakes up Yeah If this guy Has woken up He will Shout for help Basically Does he have a little horn?

Uh yeah He's got a little horn Around his neck It's laying on his chest Cause he's got his hands Behind his head His feet are kicked up And he's like Okay what else Is hidden here? Um What else is hidden here Is On a nearby branch Is like a bunch of Hooks and straps That are Holding Like Harnesses And saddles Ooh Different gear for Tree gliding Okay Alright I got this guys And Tuck jumps Okay Where is Tuck aiming When he jumps? For the guy For the guy?

Okay He's gonna try to just like One punch him Okay Keep him asleep I was gonna use like A cool sneaky move Okay You just did You just jumped There's only one of them They still work Defy danger dexterity This poor stable boy Oh I love it Oh my god He's probably like a teen He's just a guy He's just fucking chilling Man He's dreaming about Like how much he loves This sugar glider Yeah he's just having A memory of Like he's having A dream of him like Just riding A sugar glider He's shirtless His hair is flowing And he's just Under the bridge Bright day sun His hands are Raking into the canopy Yeah Through the Gang like Little fistfuls of cloud Yeah Full slow-mo And in Tuck's head He's like This guy's probably A total piece of shit To these sugar gliders I'm gonna fucking kill this guy And then the guy's dream Changes to like A memory he has Of when he was like Doing charity for the town Yeah He's like He's working in the soup kitchen Ladling out food For disadvantaged elves And then when he got off His volunteer shift He came across A little homeless boy Who had a little leg injury And he's like Don't worry I'll bandage it up for you Yeah He took him in Helped him out Helped him find A home He has His dream shifts To another memory of him In the stables With like a pregnant Tree glider He's like And he's helping her Give birth This guy's probably Such a piece of shit And he holds the cub And he's Bonding with it They're imprinting On each other And then we see Dreams of him Like Raising this Tree glider To be a Noble It shows him With the tree mom Years later She's like Really old And like Scared And passing away And then he's Whispering something In her ear And then she like Calms Goes peacefully Smiles Yeah he probably Contributes to like Right wing Charities or something Probably told a piece of shit Alright 2d6 plus dexterity Duck can feel The world Yet like Metaphysically yelling Stop This is an Okay cut Don't do that Don't do that Ugh God I can't wait To punch this Piece of shit Uh So yeah Nine Okay Um I almost don't Want to help I was gonna say Ving aids But I don't want to No you guys Don't have to This took me Kind of an asshole So whatever bad Thing happens to him He deserves it I think the seven to nine Is that you land On this guy's Like tree hammock And You send A shock wave Through the branches Around you And The tree gliders Uh They start to stir Awake Oh But you've got this guy Right in front of you Ready to Accept a punch I I punch him I can slash No wait Just deal your damage He's asleep Yeah Yeah Okay And remember You never have to kill anybody You don't want to kill I don't want to kill this guy Dude It's enough for a sleeping Stable boy for sure Yeah I I get down there And I go to punch him And I see like This little This look This look of like Benevolence Yeah He's got a Pedro Pascal face Like he just never Done anyone harm I'm not as horny For Pedro Pascal As the rest of you guys are I feel like he has a bit Of a punchable face I like him fine Yeah I so disagree right now That is allowed I get down there That's a normal reaction This is gonna be the thing That like Tears the podcast apart Three years We're fighting on a mountain top I fucking quit I fucking quit That's it I'm not gonna do that I'm not gonna do that I'm not gonna do that I'm not gonna do that I'm not gonna do that I expect you to want to Fuck Pedro Pascal As much or more Than I do There's no way it's more Sorry But yeah he gets down there And he goes to punch him And he like lifts his face Into the moonlight And he sees Yeah a look of absolute Like benevolence And munificence And he's just like God I wanna hate you so bad I wish you were a man You were a piece of shit And his eyes open He goes And he sees you And he looks around He takes in the situation And sees the violence In your face And goes It's okay Wow Doug's heart breaks He takes D10 emotional damage You're actually rolling damage Seven Whoa Oh my god You just gave yourself Seven damage for no reason And I don't take armor No of course you don't Because this is emotional I don't know why you're doing this Because it's funny It'll be hilarious In two episodes When Tuck dies Because of the seven damage That he took Oh my god Can't die without a burning tree around That's what you think We're Oh Shit There are two deaths That happen In a man's life Mmhmm Once when he Breathes his last breath And twice when his name Is spoken for the last time Oh my That's making me sad I'm so sorry Yes That's so true Oh my god That's such a good thing I'm trying to set I'm trying to set the stakes I've never heard it There's a third death When his dick gets chopped off With the last person Whoever remembers The taste of his cum Passes away And the secret fourth death When he trips and falls In a septic tank Oh my god Yeah Tuck He leans in real close To this guy And he's like Do you love these tree gliders?

Yes Do you want them to be free? Yes And then Tuck leans in And he's like Then help us And he kisses him Join us wild one And Be a wild one And because of the attack You already performed on him The fervor with which you kiss him Slams his head back into the hammock And he goes Ow Sorry Just promise me this What? Let them live a good life And I'll be there And I'll be there Do you want to be free? I can't Someone like me?

No I have too many responsibilities here You have to You have but one responsibility Ving has Seen the commotion die down to a Laranga finger Eye It is eye And he looks He reaches up To the horn But he doesn't blow it But he reaches up And he grips the horn Blow it if you must Do your part But I know deep down In your heart That this part Of your heart Includes setting us free Let us go Let us be Why? Why did he rhyme?

He's different There was so much rhyming You must understand Mm-hmm I have to blow this horn But I don't have to blow it Right now We understand But I can't Let them think That you just took these from me No One of you Has Boom Ving pops him in the eye And he just Tumbles back Into the hammock And he is knocked out I prayed That one of you Was gonna do that Pop And he just Yeah Lands back in the hammock Knocked out And his tongue lolls out And he goes All right, sick Billy's been Hanging over One of the hammocks Of the little tree gliders And he's trying to do What Ving does Where he like Talks to the wood He's like Laranga We Ethereal Blah blah blah For context This is the same As a Canadian person Just saying that He's doing Like A Chinese Thing Like Towards elves If elves were real We would be in So much trouble We would be cancelled Right now Oh my god Billy just F***ed the tree Yeah I actively Did not say F*** So we can leave it In the podcast Yeah So we can cut that But I I'll believe it Am I not Allowed to do this No Of course They're not real And they're basically Nazis Yeah Okay All right So Billy's Being a fucking idiot Doing that Totally And the The tree glider That you're On top of I mean you're pretty small So everything seems big to you But you're like I think this one's bigger Than Clarence And it's because These ones are war gliders Oh And It wakes up Hi Identify yourself Is me Billy Of the What am I A friend of tree gliders And Fairy of the Of the Of the Endless boughs And You are not my rider Step back Step back please I want to I want to Sir step back I want to Be his friend He's a cop I want to be his friend Okay What do you How do you try to be his friend I mean do you have golden root You have a I do have golden root You have goo that makes people your friend Yeah I am gonna use golden root actually Okay And you're just gonna goop it on his paw Yeah I'm just gonna drip it into his mouth As he's talking Okay In that respect In that regard 2d6 plus dexterity I got eight Okay eight perfect So you Goop it into his mouth While he's telling you to back up So the The poison is gonna take effect But maybe it's cause I mean the poison Golden root usually works on like humanoids Right Yeah so I think you're You're buying yourself some time And he's not gonna like You know sound the alarm But he's like Who are you State your business My business is to free you So that you can Glide amongst the trees With your friends and your kinfolk Hmm Sounds suspect It sounds suspect But it's not It's a pretty good time Tuck in Ving you look over And Billy is talking to an enormous tree glider Saying it's a pretty good time And from our perspective We see the massive like talons And like their sharp teeth And we're like Okay Okay Okay Okay And we're like Do we have to give him his space But he does seem to be getting closer Oh he just reached out for his mouth According to tree glider regulations I am unable to leave the premises Without the accompaniment of a superior officer Okay but like think about it Deep down in your heart You're the superior officer Negatory Yes you don't belong carrying Like all these warriors and stuff like that I am a trained honed war machine No you know underneath all of that armor That you're just a little fuzzy wuzzy guy And you want to go fly around in the trees And go hunt bugs and bats And eat big berries off the bushes And I start like Yeah I use my little billow the wisp To basically paint a picture of what Clarence looked like And like the night sky Does he show him of Clarence in front of the moon Which we all thought looked really cool Yeah Yeah I definitely linger on that And I put like little details In your illusion you hear the How to train your dragon music Yeah Yeah!

Okay 2d6 plus charisma Six Oh eight Okay How are you aiding?

Maybe you add some wind in there Oh yeah I like that Yeah Ving brings up wind under him to feel the wind Without a rider and feel the wind underneath your wings To ripple his flaps So he can think about Do you remember what the air felt like Without an elf upon your back Okay 2d6 plus bond 8 Oh okay So 7 to 9 Yeah There's this like That's all his flaps are moving Sir don't you wish to be free of Of the shackles of your Of your whatever it's called I just point Oh the saddle I have sometimes Maybe he strokes the saddle scars on his underarm Yeah he's got like tight little Yeah little worn away patches on his fur From where the saddle sat for all Who knows how long I have often thought in my bunk After lights out What it would be like To be amongst the trees With my brothers and sisters Eating bats That's where you're meant to be That's where you're all meant to be But what is the role of a soldier if there is no war If a sword is hung on the wall Is it still a sword Or is it merely decoration in the lives of other people It's always a sword In fact swords on the wall are even cooler than swords in the hand A sword in the hand is worth two in the bush Exactly Whoa And Clarence climbs down And he's like Brother There is a darkness in the forest A corruption at the heart of the wood Our people are in danger We seek to cure that corruption We need soldiers like you To fight the wars that our people are unable to But we do not fight on behalf of the elves Fight on behalf of your kin Fight on behalf of me and the future I am just a baby Okay And then Duck and Baby are just like Oh fuck He's a very self-aware baby And one day when I'm a big boy I hope that I might serve our people As you have served these who do not appreciate you Flash forward This is the king of all sugar gliders Billy's got big tears in his eyes Slow clap As we're trying to stay stealthy So hot And uh The war glider turns around And looks at the others As they snooze They're still asleep They're still asleep They had a big day Well they give them They give them like Their feed knocks them out too There's some sort of like Control of it It is actually It's Cause like it is night And these ones are asleep Which is unnatural for a For a dragon Why They have to over Give them over like sugary stuff They like Yeah Sap Sap and honeys and syrups And everything oats Yeah And uh It turns to the other sleeping ones And goes Turn hut And they all like Rise to their feet And they salute They don't salute But they do the tree glider equivalent of a salute Which is they flap their little They flap their things And their tails go straight up in the air And he goes We are Mutinying And they all nod And they go Yes sir Mutiny sir And uh And one guy in the back is like Fuck yeah Finally Hell yeah Rebellion He's got a little mohawk He makes a Anarchy Fuck anarchy Bruce you were right Yeah A cry goes up Amongst the tree gliders Shut the fuck up And that is They are actually making a lot of noise Oh shit And to uh Anyone that doesn't have Connection to the spiritual tongues of nature Uh it sounds like Wah wah wah wah wah wah wah There's lights starting to turn on In the barracks Yeah Hereby I wanna use elemental mastery to Take their old saddles And the things that were Uh keeping them in servitude And uh And uh And uh And uh And uh And uh And uh And use those In with The bark and pieces of the wood To make them Armor made from the woods So that they can maintain their Soldier identity But now be free Wild ones of the woods Hell yeah I got Seven Okay As you Extend your hand Your influence Into the trees Lights do come on around Like you start hearing voices Elfin voices In the woods And uh The branches That surround you Move and fall And uh The branches That surround you move and flow up the war gliders armor runs down their backs goes up over their heads like creates little protection for their paws and their and their arms yeah the saddle that was on their back goes under their belly to protect their soft spot yeah all in a way that like weaves together so as to not obscure or mess with their uh their flight membranes and you hear the one in the front go soldiers we were and soldiers we will remain and we will wage war against the enemy and our oppressors for now we take to the trees but we will come back and we will get our revenge and they all go and they start climbing up the trees exploding in different directions and you hear a bunch of elves go what the fuck as these my word no johnson my favorite tree glider and then you hear the one with the mohawk go my name's hank my name's not fucking johnsy bro and uh there's pandemonium I jump on one at the back of one of them on the big boy yeah I'm the guy that you were talking to to get carried to safety yeah I put my hand out for a tree glider to take yeah and it is you are whoop swept up oh we forgot billy it's okay I jump on clarence yeah clarence is like let's go and you all astride your tree gliders take off into the canopy exploding up into the night sky branches pieces flying they broke through the canopy yes slow wreathing this mighty scurry you and your mounts are framed by the bright light of the moon and in the distance the saddle boy sounds his horn all right and that's where we're gonna end it for this week I'm your game master Shawn O'Hara joining me as always playing tacoma dome the barbarian abdulaziz so long playing ving the half elf druid Paul Oppers take care playing fat billy the halfling thief jessica tie bye everyone thank you to aaron reed for our intro and outro music you can find all of aaron's original music at aaronreed.bandcamp.com and all of the music that he's produced for the show at soundcloud.com uh thank you to all of our patreon supporters around the world if you want us to support the show and get access to bonus content like a whole Blades in the Dark slash world of blades campaign set in the high spear mall check us out at patreon.com slash Spout Lore or Spout Lore.com money please and finally thank you most of all to you for listening see you next time and so ends the tale of adventures three who tried the best they can though dumb and scared and lost they be for times of rest in revelry and though our journey may be like a conclusion we will not leave you without a resolution return next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores and for you I'd gladly