Episode 5 – The Thirstening

Hey, Tuck here telling you to donate to speltlore.com slash money please or patreon.com slash speltmore for more of this. I'm doing an act up, but you can't see it. Below the table. Show me your hands right now. No, I'm still doing it. Show me your hands right now. No. Why? Because I'm masturbating. Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes, noble and bold. A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old. You know them by name, you know them by deed.

Their quests are famously daring. So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing. Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight. Fingers half-held, he shifts his shape and wields a spear with great might. Billy's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart. Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts. So gather round friends and listen close, for the tale's about to start.

Hello everybody and welcome to Spout Lore. I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara. Joining me as always playing Tacoma Dome, the Barbarian. I'm doing a Spout Lore. I'm playing Abdul Aziz. So long everybody. Fuck. Fuck. Come on man. You are so stupid sometimes. We got a fat jug of energy sea powder. I'm just gonna take a quick photo of this. Don't record my shame. So much vitamin C. Nice. Playing Ving the half-elf druid, Paul Oppers. I never want to forget the time that Abdul was wrong.

That was a compliment. I know. And playing Fat Billy the halfling thief, Jessica Tai. Also good evening. When last we left our hero. They took off into the forest. The hordes of vigils, elven forces and nobility at their heels. With some quick and canny illusion work. The pursuers were led astray into the trees. And the party continued jogging through the forest. Realizing if we're gonna be running, this is gonna take a long time. Because this forest is big.

So what we should do is get some mounts. They ascended. Into the canopy. Attempting to tame the hulking, adorable creatures known as tree gliders. Meeting one young tree glider named Clarence. Who agreed to help. On the condition that you all helped free some tree gliders from the clutches of the elves themselves. Clarence took you back to vigil. Finding a sort of hanging stable in the branches where many tree gliders slept and rested. Including. A stable boy.

Who Tuck rock bottomed from the top rope. Leaping out of the canopy. The minds of the listeners being filled with all of the incredible tasks that he has performed in his life. And all of the charity that he has provided. Just before landing his powerful punishing blow. Tuck saw the good in his eyes. Made a connection. Asked if he wanted his tree gliders to be free. To which he agreed. Ving and Billy and Tuck. All made a speech. Explaining how beautiful freedom could be to these war gliders.

Finishing it off with a mighty uniting call from Clarence, the baby tree glider. The war gliders agreed. So you took to their backs. And they took to the trees and the skies. Emerging into the night. Free at last. And that is where we find ourselves now. Plummeting back towards the canopy. Because they glide. They don't fly. Ahhhh! Up draft. Up draft. Up draft. Up draft. And then like leaves in your faces. But now you're in the branches and the boughs.

Can we convince them to take us to the heart tree at the middle of the forest that has the obsidian in it? You can try. Okay. Um. I'm on the back of the big guy, right? Uh, yes. Yeah. What was that guy's name? Uh, they were not given names. Ohhhh shit. So I talked to this guy and I'm like, hey dude, what do you want your name to be? I haven't considered what my nom de plume should be. You should name yourself Black Spire. That's a really cool name. All right. Black Spire it is.

Wait, is that going to be really confusing for listeners to have? Yeah. Yeah, of course it is. What about Black Spire the second? Oh yeah. You should call yourself Black Spire 2. Sir, yes sir. Black Spire 2 reporting for duty. And they're just like running through the trees. Leaping from branch to branch, trunk to trunk. Can you and your, uh, unit help us? Uh, what is it you require of us? We need to get to the, uh, grove of knowledge trees in the middle of the great forest.

They all slam to a halt. Whoa! Whoa! The thing flies off. Sir, no one goes to the center of the forest, sir. Why not? There is a corruption at the heart of the wood. No one would dare enter. We seek to cure this corruption. Or at least to understand it. Okay. Somebody's gonna have to convince them. Offer them something. Knowledge. Encouragement. Can we Spout Lore about the corruption? Uh, yeah. Go ahead and roll 2d6 plus intelligence. Okay, Spout Lore. Great. I got eight. Eight. Okay.

I mean, this could, it sounds, maybe it's a little convenient, but I like that the flying squirrels were, uh, like guardians of the old knowledge area or something. Maybe they had some other sort of function.

I mean, I mean, it could definitely be that that's a, uh, a, uh, a, uh, a, uh, a, uh, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a the tree of ratatat ratatat I think ratasticar or something like that maybe ratatat is a pokemon I don't know how to pronounce it because it's a norse word but you know basically like he's a squirrel that lives in the tree of life in yggdrasil and he is powerful because he's like the keeper of the tree but I do like the idea that yeah the tree gliders became very intelligent over time because they used to live in the knowledge tree yeah that's cool and then the elves in their hubris took them from that place yeah and bent them to their own uses so I think what we learn is what we just said they originated in the region where the heart tree of the forest is and were known for not necessarily tending to but by living their lives kind of maintaining the environment around and in the knowledge trees they are keystone species yeah exactly they eat they eat pests they clear brush when they make their nozzles and they eat pests they eat pests they eat pests they eat pests they eat pests nests that kind of stuff oh yeah and um because the elves being in their minds at least over the last couple generations masters of the forest as opposed to those that live within it they took those seed populations and moved them around the forest altering their environments uh irrevocably yeah we want to um yeah help you get back home it is quite a journey okay is this one you are willing to undertake when you are ready to undertake it will take several days for us to reach this place and that is if we are unaccosted there are many dangers between here and there not to mention the hated elves oh you guys flipped really fast yeah I mean it's good to have a goal uh yeah I mean we're on board we need to go there billy how you feeling I'm feeling a little car sick but I will be fine because I will use my car sick glasses you you!

Uh and perilous journey I guess I think so yeah that makes sense all right back to it we're doing the we're doing the perilous journey from the perilous wilds this is at night uh I'd say it's coming up on early morning during this perilous wild or this perilous journey you will probably enter daytime do they know their way or do I need to scout using my night uh moves oh I think because of night moves yeah you could do some that would probably be a good idea I think that would be a good idea I think that would be a good idea I think that would be a good idea I think that would be a good idea I think that would be a good idea I think that would be a good idea I think that would be a good idea I think that would be a good understanding who's doing scout I could with my nox yep that's true so that's two to six plus wisdom and navigate is two to six plus intelligence eight and uh plus intelligence I got oh seven then okay great so on a seven to nine with scout ahead you choose one from the list below you get the drop on whatever lies ahead you discern a beneficial aspect of the terrain you make a discovery or notice sign of a danger I think the first one get the drop on whatever lies ahead yeah I think so cool yeah okay uh and on a seven to nine on navigate choose one from the list below you happen upon a capital d discovery missed by the scout the going is slow or you wander off course or you encounter a danger whether or not you're surprised depends on whether the scout has the drop uh discovery uh okay so yeah you you travel for a while through the trees on the backs of the tree gliders clarence seems so excited are we kidnapping this kid no one said anything to him so he's like oh man my mom and my daughter gonna be so impressed by all this cool stuff that I've done I'm running around with my friends and we're fucking rebelling and it's so cool now I'm on a journey when he's saying all this ving coaxes in a um a morning dove and he's like can you go tell this kid's parents that he's with us so I just don't want him to worry oh yeah no problem oh what are you guys doing out here I don't know just keeping it cool I like your feathers hey thanks I like your feathers too thank you your head feathers what you're long these these things okay and the morning dove kind of goes and like flaps the side of your head he does the flaps oh yeah I forgot the dove move yeah okay well thank you there's nothing else I guess I'll go oh do you want something to eat I'm gonna go eat something I'm gonna go eat something I'm gonna go eat something or I mean some grains oh I mean if you got grains no no okay well whatever ving looks over to billy can I discern reality to see if there's any leftover granola on billy you don't have to discern realities to look at your child to see if there's granola in his phone oh he's getting all protective that's why okay you really you really want to roll a roll oh no yeah no roll well well well here we are plus what wisdom plus wisdom great I got six um so billy Okay, well, whatever.

Ving looks over to Billy. Can I discern reality to see if there's any leftover granola on Billy? You don't have to discern reality to look at your child. To see if there's granola in his fold. Oh, he's getting all protective. That's why. Okay. You really want to roll a roll? Oh, no. Yeah, I don't. No, roll it. Two to six plus wisdom. Well, well, well. Here we are. Plus what? Wisdom. Plus wisdom. Great. I got six. So Billy fights it really hard. So you're not aiding? No. No.

So roll to see how powerful you are. I will help. Actually, there is a hinder. Billy could hinder. Yeah. And you could give him a minus one. I've never done that. And I'll try and help. And I'll try and do a plus one. This is so fun. Let me pull up the mover. Billy, I just want to see how much granola is in your folds. No. I know that look in your eye. What? Whenever you ask that question, I always end up with less granola than when I had. Just a little bit. A little bit.

Look at this little dove. Don't you know? He wants a little bit. I don't know how long we're going to be in the air for. And what if I don't find another granola for a long time? I know you have. He's a little afraid of missing out. Billy, Vink's trying to fuck this dove, okay? Okay. 2d6 plus aid. Or 2d6 plus bond to aid. That was the vibe. Okay. Yeah. Seven. Okay. So that makes it a seven. 2d6 plus bond to interfere. Okay. Damn it. It's back to six. No, it's a five. It removes two.

You give a minus two or a plus one. Oh. Yeah. So you're trying to get granola off Billy and he's just kicking like a cat? Yeah. He's kicking like a cat. He's wrapping Clarence's skin folds around him like a little blanket. That's fair. Okay. Okay. Okay. Never mind. Never mind. You can't have it. You can't. You know what? I don't even want it anymore. I'm just going to go. Flies off into the sky. Wait. Is he going to deliver that message? I don't know.

I probably would have went with some granola. We'll see, I guess. Can I retroactively give him granola? No. It's too wet. I don't even want it anymore. It has almonds in it. Ugh. And dried cherries. Oh. You should waste one of your fairy childs. Actually, I haven't rolled yet and the sun is coming up. Yeah, the sun is coming up. And the squirrels are taking a break. They've been running for a while, so they're slowing down. Yeah, they're eating mosquitoes. Yeah. Or whatever. Nine.

Which means you get three. Yeah. Yeah. That's plenty. Not enough to spend one on convincing a bird to eat granola. I'm going to waste a fairy child. All right. Okay. Perfect. Charmed the dove. Yeah. Great. And it comes back. Oh, so you're going to make me say M&M's? Yeah. So I lay out my granola on the back of Clarence. I'm like, so you can choose the M&M's or you can have some dried cherries. Sometimes I like to open up the cherry and put an M&M inside. And then it's like a… Fun snack.

Oh, my God. You're like maybe the smartest person I've ever met. Thanks. Pack, pack, pack, pack, pack. Yeah. Clarence. Ha, ha, ha. Oh, I got a little bug in there, too. There's a bug in here. Hmm. So will you go talk to Clarence's parents and tell them where he is? Oh, right. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. No problem. Thank you. Okay. Bye. I scoop up the rest of my granola back into my pouch. Thank you for sharing. You're welcome. I just wanted to do it myself. I didn't want you to take my granola.

Fair. I wanted to do it. I should have just asked you. You're right. And Tuck and Bing are like, well, it was very nice of you to share. We're going to put a marble in the marble jar. And when it gets up to this line, we're going to go back to the husky for all you can eat breakfast. Oh, boy. Okay. Can I see the marble jar? It's all day breakfast, Tuck. All day breakfast. Don't get me wrong. I'm just kidding. Yeah. Here it is. It's so long and skinny.

And I'm like, oh, I have so many marbles left to do. It's okay. All the more good deeds that you can have done to creatures in the world in a day. Oh, that's so cute. Billy's got like a goal. He's like, I have to do good things so I can go back to the breakfast place. Yeah. Once we fill this thing up, we'll go to the breakfast place. But as you're like all kind of relaxing, the sun is risen through the canopy. Uh, though very thick in most places.

Actually, Ving, I think the canopy is thinner than you remember it being. Like it feels like there's just a lushness that is missing from the forest these days. So the beams of light are coursing down through the trees, heralding the start of a new day. Billy, your body is filled with the tingling energies of the fairy realm and Black Spire 2. It feels awesome. All right. Ready to move out? Uh, yeah, totally. Okay. Mount up. All right. And climb onto his back. Forest. Oh! And they take off.

Uh, I think we're at a point in the forest maybe where we're starting to pass into a different biome. Oh, cool. Like we're leaving the boreal reach and entering a new area of the forest. What is this new area? Do we think? I was thinking something like almost like a swampy area, like a lowland. Oh, that is very cool. I like that. I like the swampy. Buggy. Yeah. Maybe more like mangrove trees. What's a mangrove tree? Mangrove tree is like a swamp tree. Tree that can grow in water. Yeah. Oh, cool.

Lots of them grow in seawater. Yeah. Cool. You see them a lot in like lining tropical islands and stuff like that. Is that the forest of like those dead trees from like that earthquake that happened? Remember they're like. Oh, um, no. That was an earthquake where the water just came in so far. Oh, okay. There was a big tsunami. Oh, like the drowned forest? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's pretty cool too. That's a cool name. I think those are like pines and stuff. Yeah, totally.

Is this area of the forest called the drowned forest? Oh, I liked it. That's a drowned forest that somebody was trying to get water out and they hit an aquifer and it flushed up and killed this part of the forest. Oh, so these trees are dead. It was dead. Okay. Yeah. About midway through the day, you begin noticing the plants and trees around you shifting form and type. And Ving, you remember this being a very rich, lively area of the forest. Like a lot of people, you still live here.

It was like an open glades and groves. Yeah. Open areas. And you notice that the trees around here become withered and pale. Their leaves having fallen long ago. And you notice far down water. And it stinks too. Yeah. It's got like a real boggy sulfurous. Decaying kind of stench. Yeah. Gross. And all of the tree gliders stop for a second because you reach like a barrier basically where the trees end and there's just like water separating you and the next stretch. What is this part of the forest?

I don't recognize it. You wouldn't. Sir, this is a relatively new development in the forest. This place, this is a sick place. We can carry on. But we just want to make sure that you understand. You understand the dangers that you may face in this area of the wood. Spout Lore on what happened here. Yeah, totally. I want to know what happened. Okay. Plus wisdom. 11. So yeah, this is more like what you knew this place to be. What was it called before the drowned forest? The Everglades.

We've got the Everglades. The Florida Everglades. Oh yeah. Is it cold here still? Yeah. I think everything's cold up here. Yeah. Okay. Um. So this is a place that's called the Alder Camp. And it's wet, but it wasn't always this wet. Alder Camp. Ooh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So this used to be a place that you went to a couple times with your dad when you were younger called the Alder Camp. Yeah. It's like a base camp for the Rangers. Oh, cool.

It used to be like a, yeah, a base camp, a training ground for Rangers. They had like more permanent, um, wall tents and stuff set up here or whatever they. Yeah. Seasonal tentage. Yeah, totally. I like that. Cool. Ving, you're like sniffing around. And looking at the water and you would have to guess that like this came from below somehow. So something happened, either a fissure or an earthquake that brought this like ancient underground water up to flood this place. Classic.

The, the, the, the hands of elves have ruined the land again. Yeah. Dug too deep and got too greedy. Just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, Mm-hmm. Just definitely wasn't us, right? From all the Perel stuff we did? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, thankfully, of all the things that you've done, this probably wasn't one of them.

And Tuck's like, it's nice to see something that's not my fault. It's nice to see a disaster that wasn't caused by me. Uh-huh. Yeah, so Black Spire 2 says, when the water came up, they say things came with it. Things exist just below the surface that are dangerous. Bog imps? What is that? I don't know. They're in magic together. Oh, is it like imps, like sprites kind of? Yeah, they're like distorted underground fairies. Ooh, that's cool.

I guess because our imps would be weird fairies, wouldn't they? Oh, I have. I was thinking about, because you know how we've talked about how fairies kind of bind themselves, like if they want to stick around, they connect themselves to like a cat or like a boot or whatever. Or a little boy. Or a little boy. Or a little boy. I was thinking, maybe it's too spooky, but I was thinking like ones that connect themselves to like dead things. Ghosts. I was going to say ghosts. Or dead actual.

Like dead animals. Like I imagine like a fairy that's like taken the body of a dead animal and like kind of made it into its own body. That's pretty cool. That's creepy. Or if a fairy gets tethered to its mortal coil and that thing dies and it refuses to let it go. Right. And it becomes this twin. Twisted hanging on. Yeah. So yeah, maybe that's what happened. Like when this place flooded, the animals that lived here and the fairies that were connected to them couldn't survive anymore.

I like that it's become the drowned forest. Right. That would actually be cool because like we know that the water under this area is like so powerful. So that would be pretty sick if it were like the fairies in the zone and then they drown in that flood. So was it one fairy or a bunch of fairies that got into all of the animals? I haven't decided that. There's been a few. Yeah. Yeah. I thought it would be a bunch. I imagine it's being like a bunch. Yeah.

Maybe they were like golemizing in this weird underground aquifer. They were feeding off this crazy. Oh yeah. This crazy energy water that now has been spilled out into the world. Yeah. Like the water affected the fairies. So this isn't something that fairies would normally do. No. So that's why this swamp is so like dangerous. Yeah. Yeah. Like when, yeah, when Billy was, when we were in the cave with Perel going down, then he was like, no, I will sacrifice myself or, you know, that water.

That water was really potent. Yeah. But this seems like almost corrupt in where that water is like pure life energy. Like this water is almost corrupted. Yeah. It could be the same, but it could just be length of time you're spending in there. Oh yeah. That's what I'm thinking. Like ancient stagnant. Yeah. To the point of it turning rotten. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Like these fairies can leave it maybe because they're just so like entranced. Oh yeah. By it. So they don't leave. Mm-hmm. And.

It changes though. Yeah. It changes though. Yeah. Whoa. That means they've been there for a long time. Yeah. So did you guys, when I was gone, did you guys talk about what caused the water to come up? Just that it, it must've come, like it might've been a fissure. It might've been people digging. It could have been anything. It could have been someone ice fishing. Going for a well. Someone ice fishing. Just thinking like some rangers like, fuck yeah. Just hit a little hot. Simple hole here.

Fuck. This is so sick. You get so many fucking trouts. Guys, I fucking love you. I love hanging out with you and just fucking love you. I love you. I love you. Yeah. And then. Can I use bardic lore histories of the grand world to figure out if I know what happened here? The Drowned Forest is definitely an album. Yeah. I guess so. Yeah. Yeah. Blood Feet made an album that was called The Drowned Forest. Blood Feet is teaching us everything. I know. It's almost like Blood Feet knows too much.

Like we're using them too much. Well. It's probably why they don't play live shows anymore because it's just suspicious. Yeah. They're like, why does Blood Feet know everything? This doesn't make any sense. Well, there are a bunch of like, yeah, young librarians and now they just went back to the library. Oh, that is actually really funny. If it's a bunch of fucking nerds. Yeah. I fucking love that. Yeah. That's really good.

Fucking makes sense too because it's like you're from McCall, which is like land of giants. So it would be such a metal place. Oh, yeah. Yeah. The North is always in metal bands. Especially with bar. Bar. Bar like influences the culture so much. Right. Yeah. And it would be really funny if that was like the librarians like did this like experiment where they were like, okay, so the world's fucked and nobody knows anything anymore.

And there's a bunch of idiots out there that love listening to music. So what you guys are going to do is like just four nerds sitting in a room. Okay. Sesame Street of metal. Yeah. You guys are going to go out there and start a metal band and try and put as much information as possible into that. The music. What should we call it? What should we call it? Reading's fun. Shut up. That's a terrible name. Yeah. It's got to be something cool like fucking blood. Come on. Help me out guys.

And then some pervert is like feet. One of them is a perv. One of them is a total perv. Yeah. I'm going to vote the drummer or the bass player. Yeah. His drum set is on a roller coaster whenever they perform live. It's really awful because it's hard to keep track of. Yeah. He worked in those mine carts in the library. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right.

All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. Okay. So that is what we know about this area of the drowned forest. Wait. I didn't get to bardic lore on it. Oh, right. So what's your question? What caused the water to come out? Oh, yeah. Oh, weird. I just had a brain cartoon, you know? Oh, yeah. Of them. You know, they're at camp. So they drill the well to have water. Oh, it looks like there's a bit of an aquifer down here.

There's a drinking water bubble. But a couple of people start getting a little squirrely, like ravenous, kind of like because it's tainted. The water, the water, the water. That's smart. Oh, and then that's why the camp is gone. Yeah. They drilled it in. So some of the people, they could be dead elves. They could be dark dead elves. I think that would be really cool. So that's like, yeah, that's what brought the water up was this like mad thirst. Oh, so they kept digging for it.

Maybe the ones that stayed behind. Oh, yeah. It was like a thing where they were like, the water that's coming out. It's not enough. We need to dig more. We need to flood the forest. They couldn't satiate their thirst. Yeah. Yeah. Tuck, that is what you recall. You recall a song by Bloodfeet called The Thirstening. Oh, sick. Cool. So sick. The Thirstening. I was originally just going to call it The Thirst, but I thought The Thirstening was funnier. The Thirstening is really funny.

Thirstening is fully something that Tuck thought about getting a tattoo of. And like big type. Yeah. Across his neck. Across his neck. Across his knuckles. The Thirstening. And he just couldn't make the number of letters work. Doesn't make any sense. It's weird because much like all of their songs, it's not super specific historical accounts, but it's like, in the land of the elves, people were getting thirsty. So they dug in the water, made them sick, but the sickness made them thirsty.

Now the water's drinking them. Now the water's drinking them. And the Thirstening has come to the forest of the elves. And this is Tuck. He's got a bottle open and he's playing it for Billy and Vig. We're all doing like little head bangs. Like, yeah. Fucking kicks. And Tuck's like, so that's what happened here. Isn't that three kick drums? I know. And it's on a roller coaster. Sir. Sir, if I may say, sir. Yes. Permission to speak freely. Speak as you were. That song rips ass, sir.

This is why you're Black Spire 2. He's like, they're big, but I can't overstate how much he is like a cute sugar glider. He's got big eyes and a fluffy face. So small nose. Tiny little pink nose. Perfect eyelashes. As I'm playing this song, he's like bobbing up and down on the branch that he's on. So it's like bouncing up and down. And then all the other ones are just moshing. They start taking big steps. Oh my God, they're going to mosh. The branches are shaking. I know, yeah. The trees.

Just bowing under the force of their mosh. Yeah, sir. Within that forest, last creatures beyond explanation. But we are willing to take you into those woods if it means completing our goal. Sir. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. And tuck salutes too. Sir. Salute. Sir. Step. They back up and they take a running leap. And they over this big, wide expanse of water that looks like maybe this was, if not close to where the original fissures were created.

Like something about the environment created like coursing rivers through certain parts of the woods. So it's like a Pocahontas river. Yeah, exactly. Kind of. Yeah, just around the river bend. Oh. Yeah. And the Black Spire 2, Clarence and the others land on the other side, their skin folding back into their bodies. And they continue on through the forest, but with more caution because the trees here are weaker and yeah, less vital. And the day is going to pass. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The day is going to pass for a while. If there's anything you guys want to do on the ride. Oh, we're still going. We're going above the drowned forest. Yeah. You're above the waterline, but you're beneath the canopy. Ooh. Should we look for like a cache? Yeah. Or shacks of stuff. Yeah. We want to go and look for elven ranger haunted treasure. I figured you guys did. We want to loot a graveyard. Classic us.

We love looting graveyards. Preferably with the permission of the loved ones that are buried within. Who's rolling what? I think it's a discern realities, right? It would be a discern realities. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're all rolling dice. I know. I think it's because we all want to find stuff. We all want to loot. So who wants to do it? I'll discern the realities. All right. I got 12. Holy shit. I'm so glad I didn't do it.

All right. Discern the realities. What should I be on the lookout for? I'm going to go ahead and assume it's zombie monsters. What should you be on the lookout for? Can I suggest something? Yes, please. I think that the imps are.

Like unless something is like activating you know like bothers them or alerts them they float dead in the water oh those just like floating bodies and like they are still decaying that's spooky I like that a lot and I what I was thinking like in the same way of like what was her name that you don't go near the well in McCall? Omishusha?

Omishusha that this is like you know that in places where you don't go in the woods because the wild woman will get you so this is the same thing to keep kids inside but it's an actual thing the night imps oh yeah so he grew up with a story of like you know you don't wander and that's also to keep kids and people away from dead animals to help ward off diseases and pestilence but also there is some magic or some fairy spirit animation there yeah there is a real danger it's a combo of like stay away from dead things because they're pestilent but also stay away from dead things because they might still be alive yeah that Game of Thrones-y kind of way of like oh it's just these are old ladies bedtime stories children fall asleep when it's really cold like if the bodies are in the water which of course they are safe to pass because they're frozen in there but if it's like slightly warmer like it is now and the ice is kind of like I see it like the ice is like patchy oh yeah like broken antlers sticking out of it tough or something like half frozen dead animals in it yeah the reason the rest of the forest is safe is because the imps don't leave the water because there's yeah like the fairies or whatever that inhabit them they're like addicted to it they wouldn't leave and if for some reason you took like one of these like bodies that inhabited away it would just be a body it would lose the life giving ability or like half life giving ability I pictured the imps like before you were saying that too that in that narcissist narcissist yes story of looking they're caught up so it's these imps and they're old fairies who are obsessed with their own reflection and got drawn into the water sort of thing and like the so cool and the bogs of Lord of the Rings too yeah because fairies are already obsessed with individuality yes they're so obsessed with themselves that's what makes them what they are yeah so these ones are even more so they're like narcissists and like I have to look at myself all the time that's so cool but they're doing it from the bottom of the water like just staring at the reflection on the surface like a two way mirror yeah because they're fairies so things are reversed kind of but they're also there's also probably an agonizing quality to it because they're like I'm this dead thing yeah they're only going to look worse yeah obsessed with how horrible they look so that's probably why they're like out of their minds like dangerous because they just watch themselves decay for like generations yeah cool so as you're riding through the trees you are thinking about the lyrics where they talk about the imps and you're like oh my god they're like imps oh fuck no and you see not like a ton but every once in a while you'll see a dead animal kind of floating in the water or frozen in the ice and you're like oh god stay away from those oh yeah oh stay away from the dead animal I wasn't really like trying to get there I wasn't terribly keen to go approach it really do not approach sounded like Tuck was reading a magazine stay away from those oh yeah Tuck and Billy were playing cat's cradle I still am not very good at it you're getting better though I'm getting better yeah he keeps making it into an actual cat yeah I can't get my fingers in when's the cat and then yeah Viggo's just like stay away from those sorry guys sorry I'm a little jumpy right now I'm a little now you got my kid brain on but yeah that's something to keep an eye out for is any dead thing in here could be an imp okay what's useful or valuable to me so you remember where the camp that your father took you to was and though the forest has changed quite a lot you can look around and see like you know oh there's a hill over here or like a mountain peak this way so you're able to in your mind you know that you're on the right track and if you were to turn a bit more to the west that you would find okay Alder camp who's really in control here so knowing that you like you know about imps you know about the corrupting influence of like fairies in some parts of this wood you know about the corrupting influence of like fairies you know that it's not the water like you're like yeah the water seems to have been like a huge issue in destroying this part of the forest but like much like you felt at the knowledge tree sort of the creeping sickness in the roots and in the branches it's just the forest like the forest itself on a grand scale is being turned poisoned twisted cool but yeah so now you know the direction of Alder camp yeah if that's a place you want to go poke around in something that you could do do you guys want to go for a poke yeah yeah okay you give Black Spire 2 who is definitely the leader of these tree gliders including Clarence who's kind of fallen to the back and is like yeah I'm having such a good time love being part of a group love doing stuff him and Hank are hanging out the Mohawk one yeah and you we look back and Clarence has got a little Mohawk he's riding Hank yeah!

Like they're taking turns being like woo look at me I'm a stupid elf and uh yeah not that long later under an hour later you um start seeing like structures dilapidated though they are in the trees and you're like ah we have arrived Alder camp oh is it like there's like structures built like halfway up trees and stuff like little houses they're off the ground for sure sick like the ranger camp is almost fully off the ground hell yeah one's hidden among the boughs of the woods of these trees now that they are dead and dying they are almost fully visible like they're made of the same wood so they blend in a little bit but they are not obfuscated like they once were and then it's a frozen mass of yeah patchy like gaps in the ice show like stagnant gray water ugh so you're on one of these structures and they all look like wooden spheres made of like a tightly fitting uh wooden board of some kind that creates this this circular structure and they're all skirted around the middle by a wooden walkway cool yeah I like that they're giant burls oh smart yeah that's cool I love that yeah they're giant carved out burls what's a burl like the big knot in the tree that people carve burls out of oh cool yeah but like real big ones yeah some of them are all bumpy and knotty on the outside that's cool yeah they're not all perfectly smooth because they're supposed to blend into the wood that's true yeah that's way cooler that is way cooler yeah so you find these structures rotting old a far cry from what you remember as a young man yeah how many like little houses or whatever are there um I think this is one of many camps like the rangers being out in the wild as they are there's not like one central camp so this is probably like 10 buildings of varying sizes are they like are they kind of like the tree orbs or something like that where it's like that's what I was imagining linked up yeah totally yeah they're like orbs hanging from the tree but they were like it was a weapons cache yeah like it was like yeah yeah I mean all the rangers camps will have some weapons and some in the fleeing of this place probably left a bunch of stuff behind yeah I need a weapon tlc is still back at the right yeah vigil we uh cut back to vigil and uh tlc is like the blade is on the ground and the handle's leaning against the wall and the three of them are just sitting on the blade kind of like kicking their little feet and uh terry and larry terry's holding his hands out palms down and then he's like oh my god and larry's holding them out palms up trying to slap his hands they're playing slap scenes yeah and chad is just like doing chin-ups on the on the back yeah totally he's just working out yeah and the axe is vibrating and it sounds kind of like sabotage they're just listening to music I like thinking of one of the um the rangers he's kind of like hanging out with it and other stuff oh I bet there's like because the rangers are like um operatives like special forces guys I bet one of them is like one from dethaniel's talent went in and is like hello I'm a bureaucrat in the palace I'm just a normal guy but he's like keeping an eye on all your stuff I think so it's the huge jason momoa one it's taurus so like he doesn't speak so anytime tiny half moon glasses yeah little glasses and a vest and like a clipboard and anytime someone comes in he just pushes them out of the room doing inventory just shakes the clipboard in their face every once in a while the axe will vibrate he'll be like what the fuck yeah and he's like look over like look at it yeah and it stops and they'll like play tricks on him yeah yeah oh yeah they're doing total fairy stuff oh yeah because usually they like have purpose because tuck is moving them around but now they're kind of just left to their own devices and they're kind of destructive oh yeah so they just like push a cup off a table like creep around off the axe and it's like a paper cup I know yeah talk talk talk talk talk spills a little bit of water and they're like fuck yeah bro oh fuck it up that's kind of cool that they're like uh able to kind of leave their axe now and do little thingies as they become more and more individual I think they become more like more their own fairies yeah like three separate little dudes yeah taurus is probably like the worst undercover ranger he's huge because he's huge but he's also the best in that no one really wants to fight him fuck with him yeah they're just like oh god just don't look at him man every once in a while like an elf maiden will walk by and be like holy shit look at that guy and he just silently stares at them and then goes back to his job there's like a secretary no not a secretary who would what do people do in the court an attendant a lady in waiting a lady in waiting a peasant a handmaid a milkmaid a milkmaid she's milking the tree gliders a tess of a the dubervilles yeah she's all those things yeah she comes in with a lot of questions all the time and he's the worst one to answer because he doesn't speak so he just has to like point at stuff I imagine he writes he's it's the last thing he thinks of because he's really slow when he writes so he just has to take a long time there's like a long scene of this elf maiden teaching him how to read he can't he doesn't speak so he's just like in his head he's like I totally know how to read but she seems to really be enjoying this process she's like she's like you're my beautiful brute and I will teach you how to read people talk so much and we cut back to alder camp the tree gliders take up their positions in the trees black spire 2 goes spread out man maintain the perimeter and they are we like landed on the cabin area yeah I think they like black spire 2 goes and whoever else you're writing clarence drop you off I roll a trap expert in case absolutely you can nice in case of anything nine nine oh shit would anyone like to help me I will aid I was reading a magazine okay here we go billy I'm gonna help you do this thank you how are you helping I'm like holding onto the tree and like leaning him around this like structure like so he can look between the slats smart 11 okay that makes it a 10 you get three hold from trap expert is there a trap here and if so what activates it there is a trap here tuck like grabs you by your scruff and holds you out over the edge it's daytime now so like the bright light is filtering through the trees and reflecting off the ice and you see kind of like if you're on one of these like balls with the little walkway around them you're kind of on one on one side one side it's of like a circle of buildings and in the gap in between them between the tree in the center has like a thawed out area of the ice around it so there's like dark gray murky water and you see just below the surface what looks like a fox's skull with like still like skin and flesh and hair clinging to it and like eyes in its skull Oh like a terminator fox's skull yeah kind of you see it's like withered claw reaching up just below the water like if it wasn't for ripples.

Yeah, it's like brushing the underside of the water. It looks like it's coveting something. Yeah. And you would guess that if you were to get its attention or break its concentration in some way, then it would attack. So what does it do when activated? It would attack, and that ruckus, if there were any others in the area, you expect would wake them. Okay. What else is hidden here? Hmm. Treasure. Sick, awesome treasure. So many good weapons.

You're standing here, and yeah, you see all these orbs around, and you're like, I love finding stuff sense goes off, and you're like, hmm, nope. Like, looking at each orb, like, not that one, not that one. And then one is slightly larger than the others, and you're like, that one. And you see that all the, like, hatches on it, like, the doors that are built into the circular orb nature of it look, like, closed and sealed. And you're like, ha ha, fuck that.

There's, like, sort of rickety bridges that connect the orbs. So we gotta be really quiet and careful as we cross. Oh yeah. Yeah, cause remember, like, anything falling onto the ice or into the water might wake the imp. Okay, so Billy does what Joel does in The Last of Us, where he turns to everyone, he says, okay, from here on out, we are silent. Not quite, quiet, silent. Yes, Billy. Pretty cool. Pretty cool line.

And then Tuck silently takes a marble out of the jar, cause he's like, please and thank you. It's important. So Billy says please and thank you and then goes, shh. And then Tuck puts the marble back into the jar. Wow, what a motivating factor we found in season 10 of the show. Until Billy, I don't know, stops loving breakfast, I guess. I guess so, yeah. The earth will burn before Billy stops loving breakfast. Yeah, so if you wanna get across to that orb shack, you gotta be really careful.

I'll use light as a feather to cross over to the orb shack. Oh, sick. When I run across the surface, cannot hold my weight, roll plus dex. 11. So you're able to get across like Legolas style, like your steps are so sure and so light. That you barely, like they're like rope bridges almost. And you barely disturb them. Great. I wanna somehow sure them up so that they can come across. Yeah, you could definitely try. Give me a defy danger intelligence. Oh, fuck. Four. Oh, god. Why did I do that?

My dad's a carpenter, I'm a carpenter too. So how do we think this happens? I had a thick, I found a thick rope, a big thick rope to sure up the rope bridge and I was like, I'm gonna throw it across. Catch it. So he's like and like really confidently swinging above his head and he throws it and it goes like less than halfway. Yeah, it's a rope that's way way too short. It just whistles out of his hands. The end of it, I could've grabbed it. My reflexes are so fast. So it's both too short.

And it falls short. So you just throw a rope into the water. Just throw a big rope into the water below. Great. Damn it. I'm sorry. We all watch as it who can say like this. Who can say where the wind blows? Where the dice roll? Where we become? And you see right where the water splashes, the decayed fox face under the water like blinks while tries to blink because it has no eyelids. Jesus. And then it starts to like poke its snout through the water.

And maybe it looks like it's digging, you know, like when the thing is burrowing, but it's burrowing it underneath the surface. Oh, God. It's leaving like trails on the ice where it's like digging. Oh, like its claws? Yeah, it's like decaying claws. Yeah. Oh, God. I hate this so much.

And it starts to like, it pokes its head fully out of the water and you see the like complete rot and decay of this thing's body, but also that it looks like the way its neck moves, it's more anthropomorphized than it should be. Like it's become humanoid in a way. Oh, God. Twisted humanoid version of a fox. That's fucking gross. That's so cool. And it starts to like look around, but it seems currently still in a bit of a torpid state. Okay. So it's like looking, sniffing. Can we hide?

You can try. Or could I use fairy dust? Oh, to put it back to sleep? Yeah. Yeah, you could. Yeah, I'll do that. Okay. Eight. Okay. With the seven to nine, you get to choose one of three, which I think is you can do it from a distance. Do it to a bunch of people. And it lasts for a long time. So I think the only one that really applies. I have to do it from a distance because I am not going near that thing. Oh, yeah. Which means you've got a bit of a ticking clock situation. So what is it?

What does it look like when Billy does this? Um, what? Oh, no, I just pictured like when a kid spits off a bridge and tries to spit onto a car. That's exactly what I do. There's no other way. Slowly hawking. And it's coming out like dribbles. Oh my God. What? So these dribbles arc off the bridge and land in the water and like spread out. Yeah. And the glitter like like glitters into the water.

And the imp seems to like relax like and sink back beneath the surface and temporarily unfortunately out of sight. Horrible. Oh, Jesus. Okay. Should we try and just shuffle across this thing as quickly as possible? Do like crabs like sideways. Yeah. Okay. Okay. 2d6 plus dexterity, I guess. Oh my God. Fuck me. Eight. Eight. Okay. You're trying to sneak and like, you realize that like the first board you step on like creeks and the next one like crumbles a little bit.

So you're like you sneak really fast. It's like, oh my God, quite enough right now, but only because Billy has like enchanted basically everything below the surface of this lake for now. Okay, so get a move on. Yeah, move and move and move. We're running now. Yeah. Yeah. I'm kind of like trying. I'm doing the thing where like I try and move in Billy's footsteps. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And you get to the other side. You pass a few orbs on your way. Some look like they were bunks.

Maybe smashed furniture and like rags of clothing. And you finally get to the other side. The orb that Billy was like, there's something in here and the hatch is closed. I use tricks of the trade for the door. Yeah. Twelve. Twelve. Fuck. Yeah. On a ten plus I do it. No problem. Perfect. So it is a lock. What kind of like it's not just going to be a like an apartment door lock. What is an elven lock? Maybe it's like because they work with like living wood so much.

Maybe it's like roots or tendrils that weave together intertwined. Yeah. So how do you pick it? I think it's similar to like the puzzle artichoke because you have to like unwind it like kind of like chronologically. Yeah. Oh, you have to take out what was most recent in there and then move back to the oldest. Mm-hmm. Really cool. So is it an element of removing something from the lock that it gets a little panel that you how do you affect? There's no key. It's like undoing like a knot.

A really big knot. Yeah. And Billy really feels his way through this lock situation and you expected it to be harder than it ended up being for you. Something is just like, you know what? This makes way more sense than how people usually make locks like look at this. This fits here and this moves that way. Beautiful. The only the only downside is that it doesn't have the same satisfying click as human made locks. Yeah, Billy goes, oh man, because the door just goes just opens a little bit.

Yeah, stuff sucks. It never smashes or clicks. I love when it smash. I know I can't I tried to slam so many oven doors when we were escaping. It's just like a two-way door. It all fits in together so well. I know it's like their fucking language. It's all like L sounds you slam a door and it just goes not like in my call. Yeah, my call McCall. Everything's lambs and shatters all the time. There's glass everywhere. Our city was built on a shattering motherfucker.

We built this city on broken glass. Cool. Perfect. And yeah, the door open and loving and inside you see a bunch of fucking stuff. Dibs. It's just okay. No. Okay. I think what I think how we'll do. Okay, so how I'm imagining it is as because of course the inside is round. There's a floor so people can step on it. Yeah, but I imagine that the containers instead of shelves are like scoop shaped like buckets kind of lining the walls. Oh, cool.

Yeah, so we're not going to do I would love to do the the Omni loot table because I love the Omni loot table, but I don't think anything we find here would be like a magic. Can we all come up with our own exactly, but it's going to be based on roles. So let's say defy danger wisdom and then if it's a 10 plus you guys get to tell me what it is within reason if it's a seven to nine you tell me what it is and I'll tell you why it kind of sucks define reason. I say yes or no. Okay. Thank you.

If you're just like I find a gun. I will say no. I find a gun that has so many other guns attached to it and never ending bullets. I I! Find a gun that shoots other guns. And each of those guns shoots a bullet that shoots a gun. I imagine it's got guns attached so it like fans out. Yeah, gun fan. One gun to rule them all. So everybody starts digging around? Yeah. All right. It's so dumb. Okay, well. Got a seven. Seven? Okay. Four. All right. I got six. Six. Oh, yeah. So I picked.

Oh, I didn't even think about what I would find. If you guys have ideas. Yeah. What are you looking for? I guess I was looking for like an axe or a weapon or something. Oh, yeah. I think. Okay. I think if tuck is like I got to find an axe. Oh my God. You're digging around looking for some sort of melee weapon. Yeah. And you're like, oh, your hand reaches into one of the buckets and closes around the handle of a weapon. Oh, sick. And you pull it out and it's a tiny little knife.

Son of a fucking bitch. But that's what you get. Okay. Well, it doesn't even look like it's a fighting knife. It looks like it was for like preparing food. It's a little paring knife. Tiny paring knife. And tuck's like, well, you are going to replace the waning knife and my magic axe. He says to the knife. You hear the knife go, oh, jeez. Oh, boy. You got big shoes to fill, buddy. And then he goes to put it in his pocket. It drops to the ground. Because he's wearing a loincloth. Yeah.

He has no pockets. Okay. Who next was looking for things? Ving wants to find, yeah, some sort of record of when the drowned forest first happened. Yeah. And you find a written, you find like a rolled up piece of bark, like the writing implements that you saw back in Vigil and that you remember being a more common form of writing for elves, but it's encoded. Oh. So you can't read it at all. Oh, what? I unfurl it. Can't read it at all. Can't read it at all? Damn it. Damn it. Yeah. That's okay.

Bring it with you. Maybe we can get someone to translate. Oh, yeah. You got it. Yeah. And then Billy is digging around. Billy's basically looking for stuff that he just likes. Uh-huh. He finds something cool and like very sparkly. Mm-hmm. And it looks like the shard of crystal or like glass. Okay. So he pulls on that and it's a big hooked sword. Whoa. Made of like black glass. Like a scimitar? Yeah. Cool. Interesting. And it's huge. Fuck yeah.

So Billy's like, he can't, he like pulls it out, almost like cuts his own head off. Oh, shit. Be careful with that. Really. Look what I found. Oh my God. Stop swinging around. The king of the sword. Oh my God. Duck and roll. Duck and roll. All right. And then Chuck is like, Billy, do you want to trade? Because I had, I found this. Billy-sized knife. Yeah. And Chuck like pulls out this tiny knife and it looks like he's holding a fucking toothpick. It's so small.

And he's like, I found this super little knife. It's the littlest thing I've ever seen. Billy's interested. His face is peaked, but he's like, how is it cooler than this one though? I don't know. Maybe add a couple marbles on top of it. And maybe I'll think about trading. Fucking extorting him. Chuck like pretends to be like, two marbles. And Bing's like, two marbles? But that's worth a whole lot. Yeah.

And Chuck starts patting his pockets like, I don't even know if I can scrounge up two marbles. Well, then I guess I'm keeping the sword. That's the only thing I found. And Chuck's like, you drive a really hard bargain. Look at this handle. It's so heavy. And big. Now Billy thinks he's in control of the negotiation. But Billy is using wealth and taste. Oh yeah. He is using wealth and taste. We don't have to roll it. Yeah, I'm making a show of flashing around my most valuable possession.

And Chuck will do anything they can to obtain this item. So halfway through faking it, Chuck's like, okay, yeah, whatever. I'll fucking do anything. However many marbles. I want five marbles. And then Chuck drives. Five marbles. Drops five marbles in the jug. And I want the knife. And you get the knife too. Yes! And Billy throws the sword at me. Bing catches it in between them because it's going blade first.

And Billy's like brandishing his new little tiny knife that fits pretty comfortably in his hand. He's like, hi-yah! Hi-chah! Hi-chah! I take the sword from very, and I'm also doing the same. Hi-yah! Hi-chah! Uh, okay. Something to, I don't, not to be the rain on the parade. Okay. Something to consider. Why was this thing in here? What the fuck is it? And also it was a seven to nine. Oh, right. Oh, fuck. So it's like something shitty about it. So there is a downside. Oh.

We just don't know what the downside is. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. So you guys are, uh, you know, doors open, kind of just like hanging out in this, you know, orb knocking around on the floor of Vingston. Yeah. Oh yeah. We're being pretty loud at real. I was like whooshing around our weapons. Yeah. Doing like moves. Yeah. Like the door is so quiet. So we've been like slamming it, just trying to make it, make any noise. Uh-huh. I'm making, uh, I'm making, um, what do you call it? Lightsaber noises? Yeah.

I'm making, I am making lightsaber noises. Whoosh. Whoosh. Whoosh. Whoosh. Whoosh. Whoosh. Whoosh. Whoosh. Whoosh. Whoosh. Whoosh. Whoosh. Whoosh. Whoosh. Whoosh. Whoosh. Whoosh. Whoosh. Whoosh. Whoosh. Whoosh. Whoosh. Whoosh. Whoosh. Whoosh. Whoosh. Whoosh. Whoosh. Whoosh. Whoosh. Whoosh. Whoosh. Whoosh. Whoosh. Whoosh. Whoosh. And the lightsaber noises. That's when they like hit. Okay, you don't have to show off. You asked us to show off. Please let us do it. Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry.

Please let us make these noises. Please. Please. Wow, this is why we don't ask guys to do like sounds. Man, the fact that you hang out with us is astounding. This is great. So cool. This is great. I can't make my own sound effects. My allegiance is to the Republic. Okay. To democracy. Also, my spell, I could only pick one of three. Right. It does not last very long. And out on the water, you hear ice begin to crack. Water begin to be displaced.

And you look out on the bridge and you see rotting bodies begin to climb through the ice. Multiple? Multiple. A menagerie. The bog imps have arrived. And that's where we're going to end it for this week. I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara. Joining me as always playing Tacoma Dome, the barbarian, Abdul Aziz. Hello. Fuck. What the fuck is wrong? You didn't completely flint. Yeah. That's amazing. Ugh. Playing Vig the Half-Elf Druid Paul Hoppers. Goodbye. Was that hard?

Playing Fat Billy the Half-Legged Thief Jessica Tai. Bye, everyone. Thank you to Aaron Reid for our intro and outro music. If you want to hear Aaron's truly excellent original music, check him out at aaronreid.bandcamp.com. And also the truly excellent show music that he musics for the show. You can find it at soundcloud.com. Thank you to all of our Patreon supporters supporting us around the world. And in return, getting stuff like a bonus campaign set in the High Spear Mall.

Art, merchandise, gift boxes. At the higher levels, you get monthly games with myself and Abdul. Theoretically. Theoretically. I'm assuming that that has come out by this point. I hope so. And a whole whack more shit. So check that out at patreon.com slash speltlore or speltlore.com slash money, please. And thank you finally and most of all to you for listening. See you next time. And so ends the tale of Adventures 3. Who tried the best they could. Though dumb and scared and lost they be.

For time's abreast in revelry. And though our journey may be like a conclusion. We will not leave you without a resolution. Return next week to hear some more. Whilst you continue. Or do your chores. And for you I gladly Spout Lore.