Episode 16 – Ollie

Hey, Tuck here telling you to donate to speltlore.com slash money please or patreon.com slash speltmore for more of this I'm doing an act out but you can't see it below the table show me your hands right now no, I'm still doing it show me your hands right now no, why?

Because I'm masturbating Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes, noble and bold a brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old you know them by name you know them by deed their quests are famously daring so here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight fingers half-elf he shifts his shape and wields a spear with great pride Billy's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts so gather round friends and listen close for the tale's about to start hello everybody and welcome to Spout Lore, I'm your game master Sean O'Hara joining me as always playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian Abdulaziz playing Ving the half-elf druid Paul Oppers playing Fat Billy the Halfling Thief Jessica Tai when last we left our heroes they were deep in the heart of darkness inside a fairy ring created by one Fat Billy the Halfling Thief Billy was having a conversation with Hiddleston the mortally wounded and deliriously minded elf agent of the Sun Peaks Billy was able through some quick thinking to to!

Trick Hiddleston into willingly drinking a potion made of golden root which made him amenable to some questions from Billy and the conversation mainly revealed the fact that Solara Van Ciren de facto queen of the great forest and leader of the Sun Peaks is a warlock um mmm yeah right?

Thank you oh sorry I mean come on guys I feel like that's a there's never been a warlock in the show before I know but I already reacted last time I got more now I got it all out of me yeah Billy then contemplated things as uh Hiddleston continued to bob in and out of consciousness connecting some dots including the remembrance of a story in which a spider in an attempt to keep watch over his vast and growing web removed his own eyes uh as sentinel in this place and realized that that might have something to do with what the gibbous man is doing with the obsidian coins mmm that he is using these coins to keep watch over the world while also weakening and binding himself in the process whoa okay all right okay fuck off fuck me uh Billy then risked the integrity of the fairy ring no way wait for the end just use your breathing exercises you can do it you learn these Sean learn inside the tent Perel and Morris mostly Perel to be honest performed magical surgery on Dathaniel Vang Zumba to remove the obsidian arrow from his chest putting him in a sort of comatose state as he healed and getting the opportunity to investigate the arrow Vang discovered within using sunstone and a combination of elven physiology the constellation for the eye concussion of greed within the obsidian itself then connecting the dots that Billy had connected moments before outside we also talked a little bit about the giant empire and how the giants were the first people of the planet can I just add something yeah the constellation of greed is a crab with one big claw cool I like it I love that that's so sick yeah like a fiddler crab yeah I guess so yeah yeah he grabbed big that is big fish yeah that is it being described 10,000 years ago around a campfire he grabbed big by Billy exactly yeah sorry there is a cave bear skull in a pot boiling over away as Billy says he grabbed big um Tuck and Ving had a sort of heartfelt conversation in the fanny packs observatory well heartfelt standing next to each other while Tuck attempted to provide emotional support for Ving in this time of need as his father lay potentially dying in the other room yeah and then said that a constellation looked like a dick and ball which consoled to great length yeah exactly and then Billy burst into the room saying the coins gotta get rid of the coins Morris offered before almost doing a wrestling style call out to the gibbous man into one of the coins you hear that gibbous man this Sunday I'm gonna tear you apart at the table my dog stop saying my name dude the party hid the coins in Morris's all safe an interdimensional safe place so now the danger of the obsidian coins is potentially nullified for now then the time came to enact plan alpha which is grow a new tree using the cutting that the gardener Elman took many moons ago as well as the sunstone that the party has gathered and Billy's ability to coalesce time into a physical substance to accelerate the growth of the cutting into a full potentially replacement knowledge tree for the heart tree yeah oh and you traded a secret to Hiddleston and the secret you traded was that you had a dream about the tree the tree oh right you revealed that to the audience that you know about that Billy has been having dreams about the burning tree right because you just revealed it to Hiddleston not them because Tuck would probably lose his mind if he knew that you knew because you haven't told anybody I told Bing and no one else yeah and I swear my lips are sealed cut to Bing being drunk in a bar so he said man what was in that wine wood you know what oh man my boyfriend well he's not my boyfriend but you know he told me something pretty fucked up you know he kind of is my boyfriend what is a boyfriend he's a boy who's my friend and I think about him sexually but anyways he's gonna die in the burning tree he's gonna die he's gonna die Leave me the razor sun all alone.

You're going to forget all about this someday. You're talking to a cow. Ah, Billy. Sir, Mike's Meats closes in 15 minutes. You really shouldn't be drinking that in here. Don't look at me and my son. He's got a little calf. He's carrying around. I'm taking this calf. You're not going to chop my son up for bologna. Sir, you brought that calf in here. And it's been shitting everywhere, sir. And that was right.

And in exchange for the secret of the tree, Hiddleston revealed that Solar of Ankyron is a warlock. Oh. Yes. A secret he absolutely should not have revealed. You know what? I believed that one for a second. I'm accepting them all as genuine now. No matter how boisterous it is. The plan, of course, hinged upon getting the cutting back. So the task to infiltrate the cloister and retrieve it was trusted to Fat Billy. Billy packed up the fanny pack, strapped it on, and escaped.

You came up out of a bush, and there were a bunch of guards searching the garden. And then you climbed up on a wall, scampered around to the entrance that you came in through, and then stealthily… And then stealthed through the cloister itself under a bucket to arrive in the chambers of the young gardener, Elman. And we were watching the whole time. Yeah. Yeah. Through the eye of the tiger, the little kiss on the forehead.

Finding the sapling in Elman's chamber in the hands of first gardener, Malgath. And that is where we find our heroes now. Billy, what do you do? I, um, am I still in the bucket? Uh, you tell me. I think you're still in the bucket. I must be still in the bucket. We're going to do a defy danger dexterity. I think to determine if she sees you. Like if you sneak in quietly enough. Do I sneak in? I do. I get an 11. Okay. That is enough that you…

This makes sense that Billy wouldn't just like slam the door open. Like he's an experienced thief. Totally. The door opens as if a gust of wind kind of gently blows it. And Elman has a lot of houseplants by the door because he loves them. And so he creeps behind the houseplant. I don't know. There's some space. Yeah. She's also… Like 2000 years old. Like she can barely see. Oh, okay. That's helpful. Yeah. Because I've described her. She's like hunched. Yeah. She's very old.

And if Dathaniel is a thousand years old and is basically in his like early sixties, she's thousands of years old. But so hot still though. Dathaniel. Not Malgath. Oh, Dathaniel. Yeah. No, we said that elves get locked into their hottest for the rest of their lives. She's just a… Completely chiseled hot, but all hunched and like really hot. Yeah. So she is standing there looking at the sapling. What do I do? Yeah. What do you do? In the room, you cut back to the fanny pack. Uh-huh.

And Tuck is just like, Fucking kill her, Billy. And Vick's going, switcheroo, switcheroo, switcheroo. Fucking kill her. Man. It's so sad. Billy doesn't hear anything. I wish it was mouth of the tiger or ears of the tiger. Oh, and I don't even have fairy child because it's not a new day yet. You ran out. Yeah. Oh yeah. So I can't do shit. Yeah. Okay. I think I'm going to discern realities. Okay. So 2d6 plus wisdom. 12. Jessica's fucking rolling hot. What happened here recently?

She is looking at this cutting and it's a little pot that has been like delicately tended, basically like a bonsai tree. But she is looking at it with scrutiny. And surprise, which leads you to believe she is seeing it for the first time, whether or not that means Elman told her and she has come to retrieve it or she was searching Elman's room and found it. You're not sure who's really in control here. I think that. So she sees it and her body language says, I can't let anyone else see this.

What is about to happen? She turns. She like puts the sapless. She tries to like kind of obscure it in her robes, in her investment vine and starts moving towards the door. Whoa. Okay. I step out of the bucket and she stops. She starts a little bit. So I just pictured a bucket shaped billion. It comes out like cranberry sauce that just came out of a tin can. Hold on there. You're going nowhere with that tree. Where do you think you're going? I don't know. I don't know.

How long have you been in here? A while. Well, that's a shame then. And she extends her hand and the house plants around Elman's room start to grow and shift in their pots and start reaching towards you. What do you do? Absolutely not. I, that is not allowed to happen. I shoot first. Yeah. So you, you are not surprised by this. I'm not surprised. You have time to act. Tuck snaps a table in half. Billy opens up. Yeah. So that's what Billy does. He, uh, Ving coughs and farts.

I don't know what to do. He throws the bag open and the boys come tumbling out. Okay. Yeah. Defy danger dexterity to act before these vines can grab you. Nine. Yeah. As you like throw your little arms out, unleashing the fanny pack, you feel like a ficus wrap around your left hand and then like a zebra plant around your right and start like dragging you towards the pot. So sharp. Yeah. But the fanny pack like unfolds in the air. Oh, it's like spinning end over end.

Like pieces of it are like starting to fly out. And then you see like Tuck's arm come through as it's spinning in the air and you hear him go, Melga come out to play. So scary. So what do you do? Uh, I try to grab her. I think he's just an arm right now. He tries to just grab her through the arm. Yeah.

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm just gonna go. Oh, he's just gonna go. Oh, he's just gonna go. Oh, he's just gonna go. Oh, he's just gonna go. Oh, he's just gonna go. Oh, he's just gonna go. Oh, he's just gonna go. Oh, he's just gonna go. Oh, he's just gonna go. Oh, he's just gonna go. Oh, he's just gonna go. Oh, he's just gonna go.

Oh, he's just gonna go. Oh, he's just gonna go. Oh, he's just gonna go. Oh, he's just gonna go. Oh, he's just gonna go. Oh, he's just gonna go. Oh, he's just gonna go. Oh, he's just gonna go. Oh, he's just gonna go. Through Billy's eyes. Yes. Like trying to grab. Trying to navigate it. So it makes sense. So weird. That's so strange. That's a. What is it plus? Dexterity. How many debilities do you have right now? None to dex. Hell yeah. So that's a seven. Okay. Seven. Beautiful.

I think the seven to nine is you do grab Malgath. Your massive hand locks around her like thin old lady arm. But the way that you like have jammed your arm through means that the fanny pack is taking some time to unfold. Like it's kind of caught on you. So now you're just a big arm. So you're kind of stuck. But she is also like raw. And Billy, you're getting dragged towards these potted plants. What do you do? Can I use elemental mastery to take over the vines from her control? Yes, totally.

I think the one thing that you're going to have to do is a defy danger of some kind to get around tuck. He's basically blocked the exit to the fanny pack with this move. All right. My biceps too big. I got a pump. I was working out earlier. My biceps too big. This extra dimensional space can't unwrap around it. So how are you trying to get through? I'm just going to. There's only one zipper on this stupid fanny pack. Morris, you idiot. Everybody knows the tents have two doors.

I designed it with toggles. I don't know who put a zipper on it. You're supposed to air out the farts in this thing. I'm going to use light as a feather and run up his arm and like slide down his arm. Like the Grinch? Yeah. Does he? Does he do that? He slides like up the tree kind of. Yeah. Down the tree. He does a lot of weird sliding. I'm going to Grinch slide down Tuck's arm and out of the fanny pack. It's really tickly. It's making Tuck feel all these weird feelings.

So yeah, light as a feather. So that's 2d6 plus dexterity. Yeah. I got a nine. I think you get your body halfway out. Like I think you're not like it's Tuck's arm hanging off Malgath and now your torso and arms and head are coming out. Okay, good. Yeah. So your body is halfway. There, but you're kind of stuck and we're stuck hanging off of Malgath. Yeah, you're right next to Malgath. Like you're pressed against her.

Like Tuck's bicep is out of the fanny pack holding on to her and then you're keeps flexing his own bicep and then you're you're basically sitting on top of my bicep looking at her. Nice. So it looks like my other arm is Tuck's arm. Yeah, it looks like your dick is an arm that's grabbing her arm. Yes. And that's why I think got stuck because Tuck won't unflex. He's like, just stop flexing. Just let me through. I can't. It's in six. You're not still flexing, are you? I'm going to bulk face.

All right. So you're halfway stuck, but you get to do your elemental mastery. Okay. Yeah. I'm going to try and get these plants to go after her. Again, I got nine. Nine. Okay. So elemental mastery seven to nine. Choose one. The effect I desire comes to pass. Avoid paying nature's price. Retain control. I'm going to choose the effect you desire comes to pass. Okay, great. Great. So yeah, Billy, the plants that have wrapped you up. Release you.

I think it was nice because they had stretched me enough that like my back feels better. I haven't been ripped apart yet. Yeah. And they start skittering across the floor. You know, like it looks like a time lapse video of like a plant growing, like where they're really wiggly and weird as they start coursing along the floor of almonds chambers and start wrapping around Malgath's legs. Yes. The price and the retaining control that you did not choose.

The price and the retaining control that you did not choose means that the plants continue growing quite rapidly. They start wrapping up along the fanny pack, up along Tuck's arm in your chest. And Billy, like it's becoming dangerous again. Can I shake them out of the fanny pack? So the not retaining control means that you're going to have to roll something to get through the plants before you can get to the fanny pack. Oh, I have the scythe. What is a scythe again? Yeah. It's a blade.

It's a curved blade. It's for cutting down plants. Perfect. Exactly. Here we go. Hack and slash the plants. Probably more defy danger. Okay. But like. Okay. Okay. Okay. So like strength or dexterity for hacking away? B dexterity. I have to catch up with them. Okay. Seven. Seven. Okay. So you hack a path to Malgath, who's like, she's an old lady who's suddenly being physically overwhelmed. I don't even feel sorry for her. You get to the fanny pack.

You think you're probably able to jump up and grab it, but like the plants basically rip the sickle out of your hand. Ah. But you're underneath as they start continuing to attack you. Continuing to grow around your feet. Underneath the bag? You're underneath the bag. You see Tuck's arm and Ving's torso. Yeah. Shake it out like a duvet. Okay. Do I roll? Yeah. I think this would probably be another defy danger for. For strength. Yeah. Strength. 2d6 plus strength. See?

Showing him his chores is helping. Yeah. I have no strength. 10. Oh, you have no strength, but you rolled a 10. You rolled a 10. Great. So the fanny pack in its current form with Tuck and Ving halfway stuck out of it has the exact size, shape, and weight as the garbage bags that they've been making you take out in the fanny pack. So it does. You see the flashback montage of you having to drag the garbage bags out. Yeah. And it's a very sad song. Oh. All by myself.

Dragging, slowly dragging your garbage bag. Don't want to be. Laying against a garbage bag defeated. Yeah. Oh, I love it. We sent the page to make sure you did your chores. That's why you've been consistent. You're constantly doing it. Yeah. So every time you stop the page, like. And then he blows a harmonic whistle that says the tone for all by myself. And then we see Billy finally throwing that same one garbage bag into a garbage can. Yeah.

And then in Tuck and Ving's mind as parents, the music that's playing is like the Eye of the Tiger Son from Rocky. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And the training all comes to a head as you leap up eight inches in the air. Whoa. And grab onto the fanny pack. Holy shit. You're hanging there. And the fanny pack's like. As Tuck and Ving come like exploding out of it. And now there are two full grown men in the room. And I'm clinging to your arm. Yeah. You're just holding Ving. I'm riding it.

I'm riding his bicep like it's a horse. Yeah. So I have him up on my shoulder and then I pick up Malgath on the other bicep and I'm like, get away from my fucking kid. Ted. Okay. So with a 10. Yeah. You lift Malgath off the ground on your other bicep. Yeah. And I go, stop. I reach into her and attempt to grab the cutting. Yeah, totally. 2D6 plus dexterity. 13. Jesus Christ. You guys are fucking super effective right now. Against this elderly woman. Yeah. Well done. Three of us.

You finally met your match. Why are we fighting more elderly women? This is crazy. This is great. It took us like eight seasons to figure this out. Ten seasons. Ten. We're in season 10. All right. First dude didn't count because I wasn't there for the other ones. You only missed one season. I wasn't there for that one. That one was the crowd favorite. Yeah. You reach into her robe and you snatch the potted plant right out of her robes. I'll be taking that. Oh, you do. No.

She's like reaching out, trying to take it back from you. Got a blow on her face. She doesn't like that. Yeah. I knew she wouldn't. What do you guys do? The plants are still continuing. Like Elman's room is becoming full of, it's like a biodome. In here. The plants are growing out of control. Can I threaten Malgath that we'll leave her in here to be consumed by the plants if she doesn't tell us what she was going to do? Cool. Yeah. I like that. Okay. 2d6 plus charisma. Sounds like a parlay.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. With the threat being, we won't let you die in here. Yes. 12. Okay. She says, fine, fine. I know what I've been bested. And she reaches out her hands. Closes her roomy eyes. And the plants stop growing. They don't recede back into their pots, but they cease their growing. Yeah. I feel like I'm kind of in like a loose bush right now. Yeah. Totally. Yeah. And I'm like, what were you going to do with that? Who sent you in here? No one sent me.

I knew what that little worm Elman had been up to. Whoa. That worm is our friend. Oh, you make friends easily then. And with fools. Whoa. He looks around. He looks around. Everybody kind of looks at each other like, oh, sheepishly. Or she really nailed us to the wall with that one, huh? Shut up. I wasn't asking how we made friends. I'm asking, I'm asking, I'm asking what you're, what you're doing here. Yeah. What's your grand design with this tree?

This is more important than you could possibly know. I've been working with these trees for longer than the seas have been turning, my boy. Yeah. Everybody wants a piece of the forest, but I'll tell you, there's only one person who can be trusted. Who? Me. Is she evil? Well, I mean, if you consider the, if you consider the situation, she might, you, roll to certain realities. Oh yeah. Good idea. Ooh, fudge. I mean, it doesn't matter, I guess. What is it with? Wisdom. Four. Yeah.

That's not going to do it. Um, so the question of, is she evil? Yeah. Yeah. Is she evil? Mm-hmm. Is a complicated answer, but the true thing that Billy realizes is she might not be evil, but she's definitely been in close contact with the heart tree that has been poisoned with the icon of greed for a long time. We didn't, none of us put that together. Yeah. Remember there's, there's demons and stuff involved. What does oil of tag it do again? Make them fall asleep? Yes. Yeah. Maybe I'll do that.

Okay. Cause I just don't want to deal with her. She's just obviously a messed up old lady. Yeah. Yeah. Totally. And we got to get out of here. Yeah. And Tuck was going to punch her in the face, but he was been holding back cause he felt really bad about it. He was just, you know, a bunch of old lady. Yeah. So when he sees you pull out the oil of tag and he's just like, thank God. Okay. Okay. How are you applying the oil of tag? It was remember this is, I think oil of tag. It is the one.

No, it's contact. I think that's one that. Cause didn't it pour on your head? Yeah. It had a bunch pour on me. Yeah. I just kind of toss it on her. I tell Tuck it all the way. Yeah. I get it. Okay. Let go. This is probably dexterity again, unless you have a move that you think would apply. I don't know. Volley. Yeah. When you take aim and shoot an enemy at range role plus decks. This makes sense too, because it would probably be easier to get it in her face. 13.

I, it gets, she gets all on her face and down her robes. Oh, I'm gross. But I don't hate it. No, she gets a fucking. Fucking face full of oil of tag. She swallows a lot of it, but you can see that she's like, you're a little bastard. Then catches her, falls asleep, puts her sleep in a bush in a loose bush. And you know that oil of tag. It is not a deep sleep. She will wake up soon. So what do you do? I dump another one on her while she's asleep. She dies. I just need her to sleep for a while.

Yeah. So that's two uses of your oil of tag. Yeah. Gone. Yeah. And tucking Vinger watching you pour a second bottle. And we're just like, I think that's enough. Yeah. She's had enough. Do, do what you want. Pouring it in her face. Yeah. And then I don't know where to put the ball. So I stuffed them in like her vestment. Yeah. I'm like, now you're the scene of the crime. Oh, wait, that's not what they say. Now you're the suspect. And I don't, and Billy gets embarrassed.

We're ushering you away from her. We're like, okay. Leave her alone. This is pretty good though. She's guilty. Guilty as charged. Murder. Suicide. No, no, no, Billy. Where'd you learn that? Uh, yeah. So what do you do? You have the, you have the cutting. Malgath is asleep for now. Ooh, we should put the cutting in the fanny pack. We, we should also get in the fanny pack too. So you can sneak back. Oh yeah. Do we know where Elman is? No. You don't.

I'm going to try and thing talk her to the trees to see if we can get a point. On Elman. Okay. Yeah. To the tree or to these plants? The tree. Okay. Oh wait. It's still sick. It's evil. Still. Yeah. Yeah. The little tree. The little tree is not evil. No, the little tree is not evil. Oh, talk to the little tree. Oh, that's what we're doing. Oh no, that's so cute. Okay. I'm going to talk to the little tree. Okay. Hey, little buddy. Hi. Hi. Who are you? Don't be afraid. We're friends. Oh.

And I, and then I want to give him a little bit of the well water from Hibernia. Just like a few drops. Oh, hey. I was so scared. You're safe. Don't worry about it. Okay. Okay. Trust us. Do you know where Elman is? When was the last time you saw him? Oh, the last time I saw Elman was earlier. He was here. He, he trimmed me and he gave me some, whatever it is that he puts in the soil. Kisses. Kisses. Gave me a little kiss. He gave me some water. Some shit covered kisses.

And he gave me some of his manure. And then. His manure? Wait, his? And then he went off. And then he went off with you. You were here. Remember? Oh. Oh, so you haven't seen him since we were here. No. I was in my hiding place. And then Malgath found me. Oh. Did she say anything to you? No, but I could see in her eyes that she wanted to plant me. She wanted to help raise me. Hmm. Hmm. She wanted that for herself. She wasn't well. I don't think so. Okay. Okay.

Well, we're going to take care of you. Is that okay? Are you going to take me to Elmen? Yeah. Okay. I trust you. My name's Ving. What's your name? I don't understand. Ollie. Okay. Ollie. For all names. Oh. That's really cute. That's pretty good. Okay. Ollie. Ving. Ollie. Ollie. Ollie. Ollie. It's just saying. Oh, I like that. He like blooms a few leaves. Oh, yeah. A couple leaves. A little sprout. Shout out. One of them has runes that are his name. Oh, all names. Yeah. Yes. I like that. Okay.

I guess back in the fanny pack then. Yeah. And I have a serious conversation with Billy where I'm like, anything goes wrong again, open the fanny pack right away. Even if I'm in the bucket. Even if you're in the bucket, we'll come out of the bucket. Okay. And stop grabbing knives. Okay. Hey, Tuck, stop pointing your fingers in his face. I know that scared you. You understand. We're not mad at you. It just scared us when all the knives came out. And also, you almost drowned that woman in oil.

And then Tuck goes over to Vang and he's like, Billy, give us a second. Can I talk to you for a second? Yeah, of course. He's like, all right. I understand that you don't want him to feel bad, but we need to maintain consistent boundaries with him. Okay. Or else he's going to be a little fucking monster. I don't know how to do that with you. We just like sheepishly turn around slowly. Look at Billy. And Billy's like, Ollie, no, I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not.

I'm not. You hear Ollie go, you would disarm him? The natural state of life is killing and dying and surviving. He must be prepared to take a life to protect his own. Ollie, I am with you now, little knife boy. I am Ollie, your charge. Protect me with your knives. Billy goes to get the scythe from the plants. I need this to protect our family. So get back in the fanny pack. Go in the fanny pack. He points to the knife. Yeah. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

To put a fingertip on the scythe and move it over my face. Into the fanny pack. Oh, gosh. I'm doing what have you done? Okay. Jessica, the actual knife. And unsheathed it. Oh, God. She's holding the blade the wrong way, though, so it's fine. Sorry. Oh. Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. Ah. Ah. Ah. So you guys pop back in the fanny pack. We crawl back in. We take all. Crawl back in. It's because it's still Billy. And Billy's trying to hold the door open, but he's two feet tall. Yeah.

You're trying to get into a tent that the poles haven't been extended on. We kind of have to go in backwards and drop a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. It's like dropping into an empty swimming pool. Oh, yeah. Oh, no. Yeah. And Perel and Morris are on the other side. Is everything okay? What happened? Yeah, it's fine. We're all scratched up. I'm fine. Here, put this somewhere safe. This is the most important thing. You think those coins are important? This is more important.

And Perel's holding it in his hands, and his eyes are wide. I hand him the tree. And his hands are shaking. And then Morris reaches forward and takes the plant out of his hands. We'll keep it safe. It's the only untainted knowledge tree. You know what? The less you say about what this is, the greater chance there is that we get it through safely. There's so much taint on the other one. You cannot tell us any more about how important this tree is. It's just the biggest taint I've ever seen.

I've never seen so much taint. It's crazy. And it's raw. It's like red a little bit. It goes across the whole forest. Taint as far as the eye can see. It's the widest taint in existence right now. Yeah, Billy opens the flap. He's like, it's smeared all across the whole north. And it's into all the animals. The animals taint, and all the plants taint, and all the people's taint. Morris and Perel start walking away. The elves are… They're full of taint. They're tainting each other so much.

Oh, no. It's got them, too. I can see their taint. And now the biggest threat is my aunt's taint. We have to go deal with my aunt's taint now. And then a little rune word shows up on the cutting. It just says taint. And Billy puts his… Head back in the tent. He says, where am I going? Oh, yeah. I just know I have to go in the bucket. I think we're going to go back to the tree, plant it where Dathaniel was, and then grow it there. For consistency, do we need Elman for this? No. We don't.

We're just worried about him. Yeah, you just don't know where he is. Okay, I was asking after him like we needed him as part… I would like him to be there. I would like him to be there, too. I think he would like to be there when it… I don't know. I feel like there's some reason he needs to be there. It does. It makes sense because it's like Ollie is like a young impressionable tree. And without the guidance of a gardener, he can turn into a little psycho. Oh, yeah.

Because what if the original tree overpowers Ollie? Yeah. Then we need Elman who is like we think of pure of heart still as a gardener. Yeah. He's innocent. I bet it's a thing to the first gardener. It's like a symbiotic relationship. Elman will become the first gardener. Yeah. That's what I was thinking. Yeah. So true. We need him. I mean, because we talked about the last episode that the reason the Gibbous Man couldn't come here is probably because of the tree. Yeah.

And that's why he infected the tree was so that he could enter the forest. Yeah, exactly. And Elman had constant contact with an uncorrupted fragment of the tree, which is probably why he has been able to retain his autonomy in the presence of this overpowering demonic presence. That's really cool. And it might be like Paul said, a symbiotic thing where Elman is naturally pure of heart. He's like a good person. So it's protecting the tree and then the tree is protecting him as well.

I like that he becomes not the first gardener, the last gardener. That's so cool. Hold on to that. From then forward, there is no gardeners. The tree does as the tree. They trust the tree again. The Vox Silvi and the Vox Populi become one voice. That's beautiful. I like that. And let's hope that that all works out. Yeah. Yeah. It's all on. It's all on me. Close the bag. Oh, wait. It's your responsibility to save Elvin's civilization. Do you think that's too much? That's not too much, right?

That's not too much. That's not too much pressure to put on the board. I feel like if we set the expectations with him, he'll rise to the occasion. Okay, great. So that's the last thing Billy hears. He puts the fanny pack on. That he has to save Elvin's civilization. Sweating bullets. Yeah. Totally. Yeah. So much on my small shoulders. And again, the bucket. Okay. Back in the bucket. Fuck, where do I go? Okay. Elvin was, we last knew that Elvin was in that doorway. Yes. To warn us.

So they must have caught him. This would be a discern realities. Okay, I'll do that. I would say it will start though with a defy danger dexterity or a sneaky move of some kind just so you don't get caught. Sneak. Sneak, Billy. You're good at sneaking. 12. I'm so good at sneaking. Yeah. I literally glide with the wind. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. In a bucket. In a bucket. Oh, man. This bucket is skating. The world revolves around me. The bucket. I don't, I do not move. The earth moves.

Under my feet. This is, wait, Billy's mumbling this to himself in the bucket. You guys can hear me. It's so loud because it's inside a bucket and we're inside of that. So I get into like at least the main hall. I move in beautifully. I move in purely unnoticeably between all the elves. You said it was discern realities. Yes. Okay. 10. Okay. Shit. What here is useful or valuable to me. Yeah. So in your bucket form hiding behind tables and whatnot, you follow some guards.

The militarized guards that are definitely like a recent addition. They have capes and I slip under one of the capes. So I'm totally unnoticed. I keep my distance from him but his cape is really flimsy. Yeah. He got an extra long one just because he thought it was awesome and you're just in there. They're all made for elves who are like 6'4". And this guy is a little shorter. He's like 5'9". He said he was 6'4". Is Derek getting married today? Look at his train. Tobias, is it billowing?

Is it billowing really cool? Tobias, look. Yes, it's billowing. It's billowing. It looks fine. Why did you say you were 6'4"? Because I wanted it to billow. And yeah, you're under this guy's cane as you sneak around. It's just like flat bucket. And you hear them, Tobias and Gregleth. Gregleth. Tobias and Gregleth are talking and they're like well we haven't found those those intruders yet but we did snatch that young gardener so he's being questioned. Okay, well.

Maybe we'll go by and I'll intimidate him with my big billowy cape. What do you think? Perfect. Sorry, were you going to say more? Nope. They're continuing to talk about the cape. Tobias is like, the cape is fine, just don't make it your entire thing or people are going to get tired of it really fast. No, my thing is being 6'4". You're not 6'4 because I'm 6'3 and I'm taller than you. I dwarf you. You don't dwarf me. What here is not what it appears to be? You see a gardener. Uh-huh.

In the vestment vine that you're like, oh yeah, just a regular old gardener and then you're like, wait a second, that gardener's huge and has a beard and is Taurus from Nathaniel's Talon. Oh, shit. Oh, evil. Yeah. And he walks past you. He's in full undercover mode. I mean, he's a very quiet guy to begin with so he's not saying anything but he doesn't see you from beneath the cape. Oh, thank goodness. Billy was holding his breath the whole time. Oh, right.

So you're underneath a bucket with an eye hole in it. Underneath the cape. Well, I see through the billows, you know, like on the side. Through his legs. You basically, because the hole is so small, it's the kind of thing like you see Taurus from really far away down the hall but as he gets closer, you're like, oh, I can't see him anymore. It's the kind of thing where Tobias like does a big flip. He's basically walking like Snape. Yeah. Right. He's billowing it. Is he billowing too much?

Tobias, look, if I walk really fast, it billows extra big. And Billy has to run under him. His legs are so small. That's great. Was that it? I saw Taurus? Yeah, definitely. Yeah. Okay, it's good to know he's here. Yeah. I think that means they're all here probably. Yeah, you can probably extrapolate that the rest of the Talon, so that's Lysander and Nesh are hidden somewhere. What should I be on the lookout for? Where do we think they would keep people?

Actually, I just answered my own question, I guess. This place was not built as a military facility. Oh, right. So there's no military facility. There's no place to keep people. So they're just keeping them somewhere like a classroom or a library or something like that. So where do we think he's being held? The dungary? It's like a room full of animal dung. All different manures? Yeah, it's like a laboratory, but for mixing manure. So yeah, Billy, you are following Gregliff and Tobias.

Oh, and I can start smelling horses? Yeah, you start smelling animal shit and bear shit. Oh, bear shit. And they get to a door that is locked and you hear like a jingle jangle as keys are fit into the lock and they open the door and the smell of shit just like wafts over you. As we pass, does the guard take the keys out or can Billy try to take them out? Oh, he definitely takes them out and like puts them back on his belt. Oh, perhaps. Nice. I sneak them. Okay. Tricks of the trade or whatever?

Yeah, tricks of the trade. Well, that's pick locks or pockets. Yeah. Okay. So I do that. So 2d6 plus dexterity. Oh my God, seven. Oh, sick. Okay. On a seven tonight, I do it, but the GM will offer two options between suspicion danger or cost. Okay. Definitely suspicion or danger. The danger being you're going to have to like get out of the bucket and you can't stay under this guy's cape forever.

So they'll like see the bucket or realize the keys are gone and be like, what happened in the last five seconds. You know what? I have I'm going to leave the bucket. I hide in the hay. Yes. We're in the dungaree, which is a combination stable and manure factory. There's like rows of animals. There's like one of those like where they like those troughs of hay or piles of hair or whatever that the horses are eating right now. So it gets into the hay stack.

Oh, and I did succeed at getting the keys. Yes, you have the other thing. I have the keys. I'm hiding in the hay. Yes. And you've got a limited amount of time basically until they realize the keys are gone. But you know, they came in. They locked the door behind them and you see Elman is sitting in a chair with his hands tied in front of him. Clearly he was not enough of a threat that they considered tying him to the chair just left and he's just sitting there. Well, the door is locked.

So I guess they can't do that. But like the two guards begin circling Elman going. So God in a betrayal huh? Turning your back on your order on the garden for who these outsiders and he's like looking behind him to see if his cape is billowing a lot. He walking in circles around. Yeah, exactly. Steps on his own. Yeah. Yeah. And Elman is like, stop stepping on my cape. I'm trying to be intimidating. No, you you don't understand. I I'm trying to help the forest. I'm trying to help.

The people you don't it's the tree. The tree is sick. The only one sick here is you betray you and this continues on in its in its fashion. What do you do? I really want to open up the fanny pack, but like is there even enough room for all of us to come tumbling out? I was thinking that can I incite a revolution style within the fanny pack from within the fanny pack? No, you'd have to leave the fanny pack. He's definitely like open the fanny pack and well, Greglith and Tobias are like preaching.

He's like, I'm I found element and I tell you guys where we are. I'm like, what do I do? There's not enough room for you guys out here and took us Billy. Did you have an accident? No, I swear it wasn't me this time. I swear I pinky promise. No, that's definitely owl bear shit. I smell. So yeah, what do you guys do? I would like to parlay with the animals and try and get them to cause a commotion so we can get these guys out of here. Yeah, totally. So what does this look like?

There's some horses and there is a bunch of goats. Yeah, just like a chicken animals and then there's like owl bears upon the maybe there's like a loft area. Yeah, and there's little baby owl bear cubs up there and rolling about. Yeah, cute. I love that. Are there any birds? Sure, I think there's like anything that shits. There's a couple of them, you know, but they're trying to get as much different kinds of manure because they're trying to create the most effective manure for cultivation.

Oh yeah, there's finfish that are like in a tank and they're sifting out sea serpent-y shit out of there. There's a single rhinoceros. Oh yeah, totally. Yeah, because they have all like the animals are like native to the north. Oh yeah. Ice gurus. Kangaroos. Tuck says that from not seeing anything. Oh my god, is that an icero? But yeah, what do you do? Are you tired of all this shit? So you start yelling. Yeah. They're gonna hear the yelling for sure. Yeah, you're gonna hear animal sounds.

Oh, I see. Yeah, coming from animal sounds. Okay. Yeah. I just want to get everyone shouting and cause a commotion. Uh-huh. Hey! So he's pretending to be because they're all in stalls so they can't see who's yelling. So he's like, he's a woolly pig. And woolly pig, he's like, you know what? I've had about enough of this shit. I'm tired of this. They keep feeding us. It's like we're human centipedes, but not human at all. I'm tired of just shitting out this useless stuff.

And they're taking our shit and I don't want to take their shit anymore. Who's with me? And then he goes as a bat and he's like, he's like, yeah. Yeah, what he said, I don't want to put up with this anymore either. Yeah. And so then he's like, hey, what do you think about that horse? Don't you want to get out of here? They're all New Jersey. People. I guess so. And then there's a owl bear. He doesn't says an owl but he's like, you're all thinking the same thing.

I'm tired of living up here and just shitting through a screen every day. More. More. Ving says in Sea Serpent, this tank is big for me and my shit. I want to be back in the seas. I long for the seas to my kills. All right. I roll 2d6 plus charisma. Oh God. Great. I got six plus zero. I fail. Can I help him? Yeah, totally. Oh yeah. Okay. Yeah.

I'm feeding him lines to say that I know we're inside an animal that's I don't know how to incite a revolution and I'm just like, oh, you should say that like the elves keep ogling their women. Are you tired of your their hands on your teats? Oh, you should pretend that you're a chicken and say that they stole all your babies. Yeah, I'm tired of them eating all of my young. All right. Yeah. 2d6 plus. You should. Oh, you should pretend this is what you should do, dude. Oh my God.

He's not stalling at all. I got a brainwave right now. You should be like, why are we paying tax? Yeah. Where are our tax to dollars going? Everybody hates paying taxes. Yeah, I'm tired of paying. I'm tired of paying taxes. I'm paying taxes out of my ass all day. I want to see the sun, the real sun. And then tuck goes say that one of them call them the N word. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that one of the elves use a slur against him. I'm not going to do that.

Ving just accidentally says the N word. He's just repeating whatever it says. Owlbear equivalent of the N word. Oh my god. Alright, 2d6 plus bond. Seven. Okay, so that makes it a seven to nine. Which means you hear a horse go, yeah, you know what? I don't know who said that, but I'm agreeing with him. I'm tired of paying taxes out of my butthole. And you hear the baby owlbear cubs go, yeah, I've been saying my own shit in months. I love looking at my shit and I take it away.

And there's an iguana that's just like, also those elves are so into looking at my sick tits. Rhinoceros is like, they keep staring at my horn. And they all start, my fat iguana tits. Alright. Jesus. Jess, you do one. No, you need to do one now. I'll reckon that if we were to leave, we would get fresh water and sunlight all day. And I want to know what the taste of beans tastes like. I'm tired of this grass. That a warthog goes, I want to know what elves taste like.

That's the seven to nine is the animals start getting really worked up. And the two guards start looking around and they're like, what's going on? Why are all these animals flipping at? Yeah, the horse are like kicking their stable doors and the woolly pigs are like ramming up against their fence.

The guards start freaking out like, you know, a horse actually kicks its way out of its stable and the woolly pig knocks over a wall and the rhinoceros puts its horn through a window and they're like, oh, we gotta go get somebody. And then Tobias goes, oh God, my cape was too much for the animals. It was too resplendent. I have to go. And they run out the door. They try and run out the door. You said they locked the door and they don't have the keys. Oh no. That's a good point.

They run to the door and start opening it. They can't find their keys. Yeah, and Greg is like, get the keys, get the keys, Tobias. And he's like, I can't find them. My kite's too big. What was the animal that wanted to taste elf flesh? Warthog. Yeah. As a warthog comes charging in and stops. Oh my God. And turns and looks. Jessica looks so actually. I'm scared. It stops and it stares at the guards across the room and starts kicking dirt backwards from his hooves. What do you guys do? Do we have?

I don't know. We just kind of chill. What, you want me to put my delectable body into view of this warthog? So delectable. You just described me as a can of cranberry scotch. That's true. I did. That's true. All right. Then the warthog, the highest compliment of all. Yeah. Well, here's something to consider. It said, I want to know what elf tastes like. And Elman is still in the room too. Oh, shit.

Elman gets up and starts like backing against one of the walls, like towards the guards towards the guards because he doesn't know what to do. He's like, I got to get out of here too. Okay. Well, I can't let this dumb dude like, okay, I go back into my mind palace, my soup kitchen and I remember Tuck's voice saying something are you prompting me to say something? Yeah. Okay.

Billy goes back to his mind palace where he's floating in a bowl of soup or whatever and immediately forgets what he was doing. He sees like a big carrot chunk float by and he's like, oh. It's like a buoy. Wait a sec. And he remembers to 10 minutes ago when Tuck is like, no matter what, you have to take us out of the bag if there's a problem. It cuts back to Tuck who's inside the fanny pack punching the wall to try and get out because he knows everything's gone wrong. And Billy's like, okay.

He takes out the bag and it's open, but he does. He shakes. Tuck runs to the other side of the fanny palace and then he starts charging for the door. And just as Billy opens as the door opens and the charging warthog is suddenly faced with a charging Tacoma dome charging warthog. Yeah. What do you do? Oh, I pick up the warthog and throw it at the two elf guards. Okay. 2d6. This sounds like a volley. Okay. 2d6 plus dexterity. Snake eyes.

So your theory that those dice are good or is fucking wrong. Oh my God. This is fun. Snake eyes. A maybe throws it on. Oh God. I don't think you kill him, but I think you pick up this warthog do like a spin on your heel and just pitch it like a shot putt and it slams into Elman everywhere. Oh yeah. Oh, you slip in the shit. Yeah.

And your aim goes off and the warthog who can say it's arms and legs straight out as it spins through the air from shot putt to shit putt and it starts shitting as it's in the air. A spiral, a beautiful constellation of warthog feces and you it slams right into Elman and he just is unconscious. Oh no. Wham right into the wall out as the two guards turn fight with honor. Okay. Roll plus con constitution is two. I got ten. Okay. Three cheat.

They turn with their weapons as being like Michael Jackson coming out of the stage during a concert like shoots out of the floor and you land in your stance ready to fight. What do you do? Put my hand up and then silently wave them to come at me. So cool. That's pretty sick. Yeah. And with all the animals huddling behind me and then in a collection of all the voices, I try and do it as all at once and I say get them boys. Okay. Is that you're trying to get them to attack the guards? Yeah.

All right. Two D six plus charisma. Damn six. Oh, I will help. How does Billy help? There's like a really there's a small donkey that can't get out. Yeah, he's a mini donkey. You gotta get me out of here. I want to rebel as well. Huge head. Yeah, the latch is too. Low for the donkey and it's perfect height for Billy to open. Yeah. Perfect. Twelve. Great. Thank you. This donkey was the linchpin in the plan.

So you unlatch the latch, which they definitely put lower on the thing because the donkey kept getting out. Yeah. And the donkey is actually the cool animal in the whole group. So the donkey's like into it. They're into it. Yeah. They're like Derek's here. Now we can have a rebellion. All the animals are like Derek. And Derek has. Oh, okay. Yeah. No, we know what we're going to do. I was going to give him like a like a Jean Valjean kind of voice, like a like a rebel, like a revolutionary voice.

Yeah. I am Derek the donkey. Beyond those men is the rest of our lives. Hell yeah. Rise up, my brethren. Take arms against our oppressor. Hoof to horn to snout to the world. Charge. Charge. Charge. Charge. There's a stampede scene from Jumanji as a million kinds of animals rush these guards. Totally. Burst through the door, which is not big enough for all of them. The door is gone.

You have fully created a chaotic situation in which now there are a bunch of animals rampaging through the cloister. Through a church. Through a church. And L. Mon is there unconscious under a warthog that is like getting up and kicking him in the crotch a bunch of times as it tries to stand up and then it runs away as that's happening. It's like Oh no, a warthog accidentally knocked Elm in the head. He picks him up. What was you thinking, warthog? Yeah, bad warthog. Oh, sorry, buddy, bad luck.

He picks Elm in the head and he cradles him. Oh, did that bad warthog accidentally trip into you somehow? Warthog is racist. Oh, against Elm. I heard he's whispering to an unconscious Elm. I heard him say some really messed up stuff to you when he knocked you out. He said it was because you were an Elf. He did it on his own. He must have jumped or something. He must have jumped at a really weird angle. He jumped at a weird angle at 120 kilometers per hour. Pretty impressive. That's crazy.

We gotta get out of here. We should run back to that bush that we came out of that Wendy was sneaking through last time. Yeah, you might actually have an opportunity to get through. We could follow the animals? Yeah. It'll be harder for them to chase you because there's dozens of animals rampaging through the gardens. Right. Creating a distraction. Yeah, totally. Is there anything that we could wear to kind of… Shit? Cover ourselves in shit? I don't know.

Can I look around to see if there's like canvas sacks or anything that we can kind of like put over ourselves? Cloaks? You don't have to roll for that. There are canvas… There's like bags of feed and whatnot here. Okay. Do we need to do that? I guess we're pretty conspicuous as is. Yeah. So isn't the… And your plan is to follow the chaos of the animals into the garden? Yeah, but kind of like go into like a more disguised… A little bit of it. Like a hasty disguise. Animal trainer outfits.

A ring. So then we're chasing like, hey, get back here. Oh, no. Good idea. Yeah. Right? Okay. Yeah. There are sacks and clothes. There's like aprons hanging on pegs. Oh, yeah. I put an apron on and I tie it behind my back and I'm like, no one will recognize me now. Your butt's hanging out. Yeah. You don't have… If you want to take advantage of the chaos, you don't have a ton of time. So you're just throwing stuff on. Okay. Yeah. Oh, yeah. We all get like one thing. Exactly. Yeah.

So Tuck grabbed an apron. What does Billy grab? A boot. Okay. Billy's got a boot. A boot. Billy's just going to be holding, I guess. He was like, it was the closest thing. I put you in the boot and I hold it. What does Billy grab? There's a top hat and a chair and a whip. Oh, yeah. Like a ringleader? Like a lion tamer. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Great. In these terrible disguises, Tuck takes some straw and he puts it on his head. So it looks like he has long, beautiful blonde hair.

Oh, and then Billy sits on your head and pulls the boot down like a cat. Just a raccoon skin have on top of his blonde hair. That's great. That's so much funnier. Yeah. What are you doing? What are you doing with Elman? I'm, uh, oh, that's a good, I shove him in a big bag. He's just in a burlap sack. Put him on my back and then I do a hunch. Great. So smart. Okay. And then you run out into the hallway. Yeah. People are scattering as animals charge through the halls. Come back here, animals.

Stop. Get out of their way. They're running for the tree. And then we go out. Separate from where they're going. You chase them. Yeah. You start chasing them. And then turn down an unfilled with animals hallway. Oh my God. They're going this way. Let's cut. They went down here. We'll cut them off at the pass. I saw a racist war hog come down this way. It knocked my friend unconscious. And you come out into the gardens themselves. And there are animals in here.

So there's like, you see Derek, the donkey cruising around, kicking trees and stuff. Yeah. Trying to bite elves. Guide us, Billy. Guide us. Right. It's this way. And I tilt your head. I don't know. Like Ratatouille. Right. Ratatouille. Right. But I'm bald. So you're just grabbing the skin on top of it. Your eyebrows are so lifted. You look 10 years younger. You look like that. I look beautiful. Yeah. So that guide them to the bush by the wall. Yeah. Great. I still have superior technique.

Oh yeah. Okay. Cause we're still in the chaos. So I think the fight's still on. Yeah. Which is great because I was going to say that there are guards that are starting to like notice what's going on. Okay. And I think that. Okay. Okay. Okay. I think that you even see from far across Ving in your like hyper fight state. You're like, I've got to be aware of everything. You see an old elf. Lysander is on the far end of the garden and he clocks you. That's the Sam Elliott one, right? Yes.

That's the Sam Elliott one with the long. He's got darker skin than Sam Elliott does, but he's got the handlebar mustache. Is Lysander holding onto anything? I think he's just got a bow in his hands. Like I think he straight up has a bow. He's wearing like the guard outfits. So he was under guard. Undercover is a guard. And he clocks you. He's got his long pipe in his mouth and he starts running across the garden. Oh shit.

He gets within like bow shot range and you see him knock an arrow and fire. Okay. I wait till it's close. And with superior technique, I can grab an item within reach and now it's mine. So I'd like to use the whip as he shoots it and grab the arrow out of the air with the whip. And now I have his arrow. Fucking sick. I mean, what if you just like, what if you whip it? And then throw it back at him and whip it back to him. Fucking rad. So cool. So sick. So you, you do your damage for. Yeah.

So the arrow, he takes the shot in like a blink of an eye. You grab the arrow and fire it back at him and it slices them along the cheek and he kind of like jerks his head to the side and then he looks back at you and kind of nods a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. I tipped the top hat. Hell yeah. Yeah. And then you see like from this distance. It's like an old man feeling young again. He's like, all right. Yeah. And then he pulls more arrows and begins to.

And then I spit on the ground like the butcher in Gangs of New York. Are you like flicking arrows out of the air with the whip or something? That would be sick. He's taking shots. You're whipping arrows out of the air. I love it. I love it. Yeah. Yeah. Are Billy and Tuck just running? Yeah. Tuck knows that there's enemies about that know them. So he's like, I'm going to try and shove the bag with Elmond and Billy into the hole. Yeah. Yeah.

And then I'm going to throw the hole just so that they're down there with the tree. Because Billy has the fanny pack, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Trying to get them to where they need to be. Okay. So I'm running for the bush. And Billy's ratatouille-ing you. Yes. To the bush. Right. Which of us is rolling? That's a good question. It's going to be dexterity for either of you. Well, your dexterity is way better. Oh, you're running. Yeah, I'm running. But I'm leading. You're leading. Yes.

So it's kind of like the getting him to move in the most efficient way. Yeah. So I'm just like, it's the blueberry bush. Oh, no. Oh, no. Six with dexterity. I'm going to help me. So I'm helping Billy by just letting go. I close my eyes. Billy, take the wheel. He's turned off his firing system. His targeting computer. He's turned off his targeting computer. That's 10. Okay, great. So that makes it a seven to nine. Perfect. He's running blind. Boot on. My head. Long blonde. Like hair.

Wearing an apron. So inconspicuous. Okay. So you look like the scarecrow with so much heart. So I think this is Billy's like guiding you forward. You let Jesus take the wheel as Billy guides you to the bush. And Billy like yanks back instinctually with his like danger sense. And you open your eyes. You see the blueberry bush in front of you. But a hatchet. Whoa. Sweeps right past your eyes. And you look to the side and Taurus is coming out of the out of the building. Yeah.

I'm pulling hatchets out. I grab the hatchet out of the air as it's traveling. And I throw Billy and the bag down at the bush. Just immediately. I assume there's a hole there. There is a hole. Okay. Billy's on top of the bag as it goes into the. So Billy doesn't have to go right into the ground if he doesn't want to. It's okay. I'll go with the bag. Okay. I can't leave Elman by himself. Totally. So you follow this bag into the earth as Taurus squares off. Just tumbling.

Unconscious Elman tumbling. So many rocks. Tuck, what do you do? So yeah, I try and grab the hatchet out of the air and then whip it back at Taurus who's running at me. Ving has moves specifically for this. I know. So you're going to roll a defy danger dexterity. I saw Ving do it and I got so fucking hard for that move. So that's a three. Oh my God. I rolled three and I. D8. That's an eight. Oh my God. Five damage. God. Yeah. What do you. How do you think Tuck hurts himself in this way?

It's like another slow motion thing where he's just like. Closes his eyes and like reaches for where he's. The forces. Is telling him it is. Yeah. What happens? What actually happens is he like it just misses him completely. And then the second one that Taurus through hits me in the arm. Oh my God. His eyes are closed. Yeah. And he is approaching. He's got two more hatchets in his hands that he's holding close. Yeah. And he's like getting into this kind of like low.

You like, have you seen histories? The Vikings where like he's got the two axes in his hands that he's holding them kind of close. To the head. Oh yeah. And he's like crouched low and he's approaching. It's almost like he's got, he's doing gun kata from, but like. Equilibrium. Yeah. From equilibrium. But with the ax heads. Yeah, totally. So sick. And we will cut back to Ving and Lysander. So I got one hold left.

I would like to, as he's flicking off arrows with the thing and I've been like gathering them and firing them back. Flick, flick, flick, flick. I want to be walking towards him. Right. As I'm going in. Oh, sick. As I get in close enough, I'm going to grab his bow. With my last chi. Ooh. And then now the bow is mine and I have these arrows. Oh, that's fucking. So I'm like whip, whip, whip, whip, whip, pow. And I got his bow. Cool. So I just disarmed him and I have his arrows.

Yeah, you take his bow. And I knock an arrow and point it right at his throat. Oh. And he stands there for a moment looking at you. You are your father's boy. Oh, sick. And I turn and I shoot it at Taurus. Oh yeah. So cool. Because he complimented me. That's sick. Yeah. So I just volley, I guess. Okay, volley. Nice, I got nine. Can I help by distracting him? Oh, totally. Yeah. Yeah. When I see Taurus posting up with his like two hatchets and his like kata stance. I like take TLC off my back.

Then I go, mine's bigger. Okay. Okay, 26 plus bond. Because I'm trying to distract him. Yeah, that's great. So that's seven. Yes. Oh. All right. So seven to nine. And that makes it a 10, which is a 10. All right. All right. So you're at a 10, which means you get a clear shot. Deal your damage. One. One. You distract. You do. You say it in a way that is like so aggravating to Taurus that he's not paying attention for the half second it takes for him to catch an arrow like in the shoulder.

It doesn't do a lot of damage, but it's enough to momentarily distract him if you have something else you want to do. I jump at him. Okay. Hack and slash. Okay. 26 plus strike. 13. Okay. That's a lot of strength. Yeah. So yeah. Deal your damage. Three. Three. Okay. Yeah. What do you do? I try and grapple him. I want to be inside of his reach so that the hatchets like are pointing the wrong way. So it kind of just looks like we're hugging. Yeah. Yeah. Totally.

I've got TLC behind him and I've kind of grabbed the post part of the ax and I've like pulled him into me. Yeah. And the way I deal damage is I just like fucking head butt him as hard as I can. Yeah. Yeah. Pretty sick. And we will cut to the tube in the ground as Billy follows a bag full of unconscious elf. Yeah. Through the earth. Did I land okay? Yeah. Do I have to roll for it? No. Elman didn't land. Oh no. Elman just went like boom. Oh no. And you landed on top of Elman. So safe landing.

Okay. I'm gingerly opening the bag though. I'm like, Elman, are you okay? He literally landed like a sack of shit. Yeah. He's like, I'm not going to do this. I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this. He landed like a sack of shit. Yeah. He's definitely still mostly unconscious, but he's like, Warthog. You're safe now, Elman. You're safe now. Warthog. It's just me. I know we look similar. Hate crime. Billy, I was so scared.

I know, but we're safe now. Okay. And he looks around. Where are we? We're underground. We're on our way to the tree. Shh. Just in case anyone's following us. Okay. We're safe now. Okay. We're safe now. Okay. We're safe now. Okay. We're safe now. Okay. He nods and he gets up, pulls himself out of the bag. I don't know if we should wait for Ving and Tuck. They're up there. Do I go? What do I? Billy doesn't know what to do. So he goes to his mind palace. Back to the soup.

And then you hear Ving and Tuck talking to you and you hear us go, the most important thing- Is the tree. Is to grow the tree underground. Whatever you do, do the tree. He's like, I don't remember them saying that, but- Billy, you deserve more marbles. Oh. Now these are all just things that Billy's saying that we're saying. Billy's making up now. So Billy makes this all up in his mind palace, but he's like, it must be the truth. You have a cultured palate. He remembers that saying.

I've baked you a gravy cake. Victor comes paddling, doggy paddling, buying the soup and goes, we both deserve marble. Marble are for good boys. You're right, Victor. I am a good boy. And I snap out of my mind palace and I tell Elmond, bring the bag and follow me. If you want to be a good boy too. All right, get these marbles. Yes. And he grabs the bag and rushes after you. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. With an agent of a warlock. And as you approach this place, ready to do the task that you have been tasked with, you realize that Hiddleston is gone.

And that's where we're going to end it for this week. I'm your Game Master, Sean O'Hara. Joining me as always, playing Tacoma Dome, the Barbarian, Abdulaziz. So long. Playing Ving, the Half-Elf Druid, Paul Oppers. Take care. And playing Fat Billy, the Halfling Thief, Jessica Tai. Bye, everyone. Thank you to Erin Reid from Vancouver's Sunday Service for our intro and outro music. If you like the music that you've heard on the show, you can check us out at soundcloud.com.

And if you want to hear all of the music that Erin has produced personally, you can check him out at erinreid.bandcamp.com. This show would not be possible without the support of our supporters around the world. If you would like to support the show and get access to a bunch of cool stuff, check us out at patreon.com slash spoutlore or spoutlore.com slash money, please. Finally, thank you to all of you for listening. We'll see you next time.

And so ends the tale of adventures three Who tried the best they can Though dumb and scared and lost they be For time's abreast in revelry And though our journey may be like a conclusion We will not leave you without rest of illusion Return next week to hear some more Whilst you commute or do your chores And for you I'd gladly Spout Lore