Episode 10 – Quick, Kiss Me

Now the round friends let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape, and wields a spear with great might Peely's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends, and listen close For the tale's about to start Hello everybody and welcome to Spout Lore!

I'm your host, Spout, and I'm your host, Spout. I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara. Joining me as always playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian, Abdul Aziz. Hello everybody! Playing Ving the Half-Elf Druid, Paul Oppers. Hello Sean! And playing Fat Billy the Halfling Thief, Jessica Tai. Hello everyone! I've never been directly said hello to in the opening sequence. That really threw me off. I made eye contact. I don't exist as an individual in this place, I am the narrator.

You only exist to facilitate the rules. I agree. Only. When last we left our heroes, they were in the middle of an infiltration into the security hotel suites of mayoral candidate Etienne Boggins. The plan kind of started falling apart as someone arrived at the door. Thandie, the kind of kidnapped, sort of coerced security hiree, was quickly inducted into the skullduggery as he became part of a plan to make it seem like he'd had a big shit. That he was taking a shit. There was a lot of farting.

It was a pretty par for the course spoutlore situation, really. It harkened back to the first season. It sure did. And the second season and third and every season of the show. Parts of the fourth, yeah. Yeah. And at the door, mayor Etienne Boggins himself. Thandie was able to throw off suspicion, mostly due to the power of the farts emerging from the bathroom. Jesus Christ. And danger was avoided. You are so mad. I, it's just, I want to. You are so mad. I want to. I want to. I want to.

I want to. I want to. I want to. I want to. I want to. I want to. Jesus Christ. And danger was, danger was avoided. You are so mad. I, it's just, I want to. You are so mad at us. Sometimes I want us to broaden our comedic horizons and sometimes I have to allow a fart joke to happen, but it was a good fart joke. It was hilarious. I think the tapes will show that I had a good time. And then afterwards I punched a couch cushion over and over and over.

Thandie revealed that he had been hired for the security gig. By an individual known as the Kestrel, and the party asked, in exchange for a bucket of donuts, if he could set up a meeting between them and the Kestrel, which he did, taking place in the High Spear Mall, returning after many seasons and many years to that beautiful, magical, terrible, post-apocalyptic shopping center. The party prepared for their meeting by going on a shopping spree, as they always do.

They hit up Sages, run by Sage and Sage. They both look like one half of Gwyneth Paltrow. Whoa. Yeah, exactly. Bottom or top? Always bottom. You went vertical? Ving bamboozled them and me into giving him, like, 50 uses of poultice and herbs. I think it was 10. Yeah, guys, don't worry about anything from here on in. Yeah, look. Yeah. In a bunch. In a bunch of fights. Yeah. I want to get in a street fight. You were in a mall fight. Yeah.

And then moments later, Billy was, in fact, in a street fight as the World of Blades and House of Knives were feuding in an attempt to drum up business. Then Tuck hit up Short and McWides as he realized that he never picked up the loot he dropped off for repair several years ago. And while the guy went into the back to get the loot, Tuck shoveled a bunch of music bottles into his backpack. Oh, right. I should write that down in my inventory. Yeah, you have, like, at least, I'd say, a dozen.

Okay. Holy moly. They're music bottles. They're singles? Well, I mean, it's a tiny backpack. Music? Testers? The test… Oh, they're like hit clips. You guys remember hit clips? Oh, yeah. Where it has, like, one song on a piece of plastic? Yeah. What if they came in, like, cases, you know? Oh, like a six pack? Yeah. That's how an album comes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like a compilation. It's like big, shiny tunes. Yeah. It's a bunch of songs in one, like, six pack. Six pack case. I like that.

Of the same genre. Big shiny tunes for our American listeners. Look it up. I'm pretty sure they know. It's not my job to educate you about Canadian culture. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look it up. Look it up. In fact, only look up big shiny tunes two. Yeah, don't look up the modern ones. That's for sure. Tuck did not pay for any of that stuff. The guy's only defense was going, no, wait. And Tuck just walked out. Well, it's too much money. Yeah. What was it? Something like 200 coins or something like that?

Yeah. It was more than 200 coins. That's wild. They had to repair a shattered loot. Yeah. And then they had to store it for two years. So that's like a year's salary. Yeah. It doesn't mean we have to pay them that. It's not my fault you guys are poor. Yeah. Whoa. That's not our fault either. Are you blaming us right now? That's 20 weeks worth of wages. You guys are so- We've never had a job. You're literally freelancers. You have money all the time. Yeah.

You're like, I can't believe you spent 200 coins on a scarf. That's true. And then I get in trouble for him. Well, we can't. He's too big. That's true. The party headed to Big Boys Donuts, a upscale donut restaurant, to meet the Kestrel for their meeting. And as they sat in their private upstairs booth, Etienne Boggins himself arrived and then immediately revealed himself to be Colonel Dan Der Glott. Classic. Love him. Love that guy. Disguise. Yeah.

It turns out that he has been borrowed from Maggie Cole to another group of menders, which have been attempting to get Dan slash Etienne elected using the story of Etienne Boggins as the quote unquote savior of Mudlark in order to get a more direct line to the princeps and the ruling powers of the High Spirit Principality. Mm-hmm . For what reason, we do not know. Dan also got into his backstory a little bit to sort of- To sort of clear the air.

He was a Kestrel, a sort of special forces operator in the Great Forest military or in the Ranger Corps. He also revealed to you that it was Etienne Boggins that put that elf's bane in his schloss meat all those many years ago, clearing up one of the first unsolved mysteries of the Spout Lore universe. Maybe the only unsolved mystery that was left. Listeners, you let us know. How many threads have I forgotten? The answer is none. My mind is a steel trap.

The labyrinth within which the Minotaur dwells is impenetrable. And the Minotaur is lost. The Minotaur is 88. Guys, guys please. I have no bars. Can someone tell me how to get out of here? He's on his phone. Yeah. My phone's about to die. My phone's at like 2%. Somebody get me out of here. You parted on the terms magically enforced by Billy's fairy oath that you were a man. You were a man. You were a man. You were a man. You were a man. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman.

There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman.

Unless you guys want to stick around in the mall, I imagine we can cut forward to Thandie's room, sneak back in. You got his big bucket of donuts that you promised. I like to think that we dropped off the donuts, but knocked on the door, and then he was like, wow. Wow, big old bucket of fresh baked donuts for me. Yeah, cuts to us. We're listening around the corner to him being excited about it. Oh, my God. There they are. Big bucket of fresh donuts just for Thandie.

Ving's arranged it as an edible arrangement, so they're like a big bucket of flour. Oh, so beautiful. It's not just the donuts. It's the presentation that I love. And then from where you're standing, you see the window open, and he's just leaning on the windowsill. He's got a donut in his hand. Oh, nice. He slowly brings it up. He takes the tiniest little bite. He savors it. He looks out at the city. A single tear rolls down his cheek.

Thandie, now that we're alone with just the donuts, I think that I can tell you about all the things I've been thinking. Just. For my days as a raggle muffin on the corridors of the High Spur Mall. Now here, eating this donut. It was a tasty road. Things really came full circle. Like this bucket of donuts. The donut represents all the full circles in my life. And now looking at the city skyline, I know there are good things in the future for you, Thandie.

The hole represents the time I didn't have any donuts. But the donut represents the time I did have donuts. Now I can kill Fenton Beasley. Should we go back, hook up with Morris and Perel? See if they found anything out. Yeah. See what they found out about the tower. They got a room at the Spearmint B&B. Oh, they're in the same. So you guys were in the Spearmint B&B. Yeah, we just went down one floor. Yeah. So you knock on the door and Morris and Perel are there. They're in bathrobes full on.

They hit the robes up right away. And Perel has a towel around his head as well. He's drinking pineapple juice. You don't have any hair, Perel. What's a towel for? I like the way the towel feels on my head. It's a warm, hot, wet towel. You know, Billy, one day when you don't have any hair, you'll know. What? I'm never going to lose my hair. What are you talking about? Oh, we'll see about that. And it skips a generation. So if genetics are any indication. Oh my gosh.

Billy's never thought of this. Oh no. Perel made me bald. I'm going to be bald like Perel. It's my nightmare. Oh my God. Two of my dads are bald. Yeah. I look at Tuck and I'm like, uh oh. I look at Bing like, it might be coming. He's just trying to get sticks out of his hair. He's trying to remember where Bing's hairline was when you met him. Yeah. And where it is now. Yeah. So Morris and Perel are here. Victor is also in a bathrobe because he is still in his illusory form. Oh, right. Yeah.

He's sitting like very wide stanced on a chair, staring at the door. Enter. Close the door. The city is full of dangers. I close the door. And he just nods and continues to stare at the door. And Morris and Perel are sitting on the bed drinking their pineapple smoothies. And yeah, they're just like, so what did you learn? We tell him about the mystery that we solved. Oh. About Etienne Boggins. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Great. So that's out of our hair, I guess, so to speak. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Dan's not going to fuck with us. Just to be clear, we're going to let this mysterious mender group just get a puppet mayor installed. Yeah. I don't care. All right. Cool. I trust the menders, mostly. You trust the people that wanted to imprison me for eternity? Yeah, dude. Mostly. You were a piece of shit when we met. Whoa. Okay. That's true. That's true. You're right. I was, actually. No, that's fine. That's fine. I was absolutely evil at that point. Yeah. So what now? I don't know.

There's kind of like two main avenues that you all can take. You either come with Morris and me to the High Spear, and we can start uncovering what we need to get started on our project, which will, again, potentially take several months, like the actual work of doing whatever we need to do. Yeah. Or you can go and try and take out the Blackhammer twins, which was what Dathaniel suggested as being a good way to halt the Gibbous Man's plans. Right. I do want to kill Colm Blackhammer. Yeah.

Because he stabbed the fuck out of Billy. Oof. That did hurt pretty bad. Yeah. How are you feeling, Billy? I feel okay. You know, I can just tell that so much of me was stabbed. Yeah, Billy, you weren't like magically healed or anything either, so you've got like a healing wound. Yeah. Yeah. It feels like… Just stuff is loose in there. It's getting better. Uh-huh. We keep actively having to stop him from picking at his scab. Ew. I would never do that.

There's a scene with a cone around Billy's head. The poultice has molasses in it, Billy. I know. That's right. That's why you had to wear the cone. It's hard to resist. Uh-huh. All right. Do I want to go to war, or do I want to look at books? Yeah. You can always try and link up with the actual war effort. You could sign on as mercenaries. Mm. I feel like given that the Gibbous Man is coming for us now, like after you fought him, it might be a good idea to stay moving for a bit. That's true.

I don't want to draw him here while you guys are here. Yeah. I don't want you to do that either. You know what we should keep in mind, given what we learned about him, is that we might want to be on the lookout for something that can hurt him. Given that he's corporeal, that's not a problem we have to solve right now, but if you guys figure that out, and I point at Perel, I'm like, if you guys ever come across anything that you think could hurt the Gibbous Man, let us know. Okay. Yeah.

We've got our room keys for Hither and Yon, so we can just deliver it to Mirrors. Ask Chimes. If we see Chimes, we'll ask him about it. Yeah. Same. If you see Chimes, ask him about it. Okay. Is there anything you want us to ask Chimes for you? Just like what his kind of like day-to-day regimen looks like, because he's over 2,000 years old, and he's looking ripped. He looks like a bag of ropes. And he still got all his hair, too. Well, most of his hair. And I, you know. Go on.

You got very sensitive about your bald head ever since Billy made fun of you that one time. I didn't really mean it. I'm so sorry, Perel. It's fine. I'm not even worried about it. I'm a transmutation wizard. If I wanted hair, I could grow it. I thinks it's sexy. I like it. You're like a sexy cantaloupe. You're like an egg that I can fuck. Which has always been my dream. Donkey. All right. So you're going to go stay on the move. Yeah.

And I think if we're going to try and get to the war front, it makes sense to see if Mirrors could use Hither and Yon to get us there. Yep. We know nothing of Callum. We need to understand what his part is in all this. I do like the idea of us going behind the enemy lines and pretending to be soldiers. I do love that. Like join the Blackfield Principality. Oh. Yeah. Firefields. Yeah. Principality. Blackfield is that music festival. I was telling you. Firefield. Yeah. There we go. Sorry.

The Firefields Principality. Yeah. Oh, and be spies. We're going to be spies. I think we might be spies. Pretty soon. Yeah. I think we might be spying on some people. Oh my God. Uh-oh. We accidentally spied on you. We just outsmarted the best spy we've ever met, too. That's true. Did it do a lot? Yeah. Yeah. Did not expect it. Yeah. Okay, cool. Then we'll, Morris and I will head out in, I mean today, head off for the High Spear. We got a bit of a hike ahead of us. Okay.

And we'll head back to Hither and Yon. What do you wish me to do? I wish you to hug me, Victor. And he gets up and he hugs you. Yeah. And you feel, though it looks to everyone- His little dog paws. Yeah. You feel like it looks like a man is crouching down to hug you. You feel dog paws on your arms. He's doing that thing that huskies do where like they- Oh, I love you. I love you. He says, I love you. I love you. I love you, Victor. Be a good boy without me.

Do you wish me to stay and watch over the two pathetic old men? I think that's for the best. That's smart. I will do this thing. Very soon, I believe I will look like a big wolf again, but I think that will be okay. I think tomorrow you'll look like a big wolf. It only lasts a day. It only lasts a day. I have one half day left to be a man. I will make the best use of it. Enjoy the thumbs you have now. Cuts to him on a Ferris wheel with a cotton candy. Hooray!

And then him using a fork and knife for his dinner. Oh, wow. Look at these. He's just like… Everybody he meets, he's just thumbs up. Way to go, everyone. Your patheticness is not holding you down. And then at the Italian restaurant he's at, he looks across the way and he sees a woman who makes eye contact with him and then it turns all pink haze. Dream weaver. And then it's like a series of cuts of them.

Like he's picking her a rose out of a garden, but he's like digging it out of there and handing it to her. In his mouth. And they dance in the middle of the restaurant. Like, cause there's… Yeah. There's like, you know, live music. And he's got the rose between his teeth. Such wooden, awkward, white stance dancing. Yeah. Yeah. They go on a moonlit walk at night. She says, do you want to go for a walk? Oh boy! Walk! Holy moly! She throws a stick. He runs after it. Yeah.

And then at the stroke of midnight… You see her bending down and picking up a pile of shit. Yeah. And she looks up and there's a dog. Yeah. It's a wolf. A giant wolf. And she screams. Yeah. No, she makes eye contact. She knows. She knows. It's him. And she lets him lope off into the sunset. Single tear. Single tear. Lands on the rose that he gave her. Oh, drips down the rose. It looks like the rose is crying. Tears of a rose. Tears of a rose once again.

That's the song that's playing as he runs off into the night. The tears of the rose, they fall. And there's like, she's like on a bridge, like looking into the water. So sad that she lost what might've been the love of her life. And then a rose petal falls into the water. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it drifts down the river. And down the river, there's a big tongue as Victor's drinking out of the water. And back on the bridge, there's another woman.

It's like, did you fall in love with a wolf tonight too? Highspear's a crazy city. Highspear, baby. And then they lock eyes. And it's a big crazy weaver. And they're dancing on the bridge together. They chant each other the roses. These two people are locked in an infinite loop of lost love. Love. Rose cross lovers. Oh, that's amazing. And then Victor's back in the Spearmint B&B with Morrison Farrell putting their backpacks on. Yeah. And you three head back to Hither and Yon. Yes.

That's the plan? Yeah. All right. It's right where you left it. The nice wrought iron and wood sign that Hither and Yon manifested when it appeared here. The mayor fair is still crackling away. There's food booths and games. All of the various mayoral candidates are screaming at each other. A couple of them are fighting in the street. Whoa. Yeah. It's just how you determine who gets to still be running for mayor. Dan is one of the people in the fight. Yeah.

And he looks like you're seeing Etienne Boggins like fighting somebody in the road. And he's like flopping around like a loser. But the three of you see like Dan throws in some surreptitious moves. Sick. And just takes down his opponent. He's like, wow, I suppose that means that I continue to run. What a nice surprise. And now I will get on the prize hog to indicate that I won that. And he starts riding a little pig around the square. What a lovely culture we have. He's a top hat.

He's like the mayors of New York. Everyone's like applauding and throwing handkerchiefs in the air. Confetti. He's waving from atop his pig. Mayors is like watching from the front door of Hither and Yon. He's like, what the fuck? I hate this town. So wasteful. And the mayor of my town briefly was a pig. The mayor of your town briefly was this guy. Was this pig? No. Oh, and? That guy. Oh, wow. Wow. I actually hate my town, too. Well, and he like walks back into Hither and Yon. Yeah.

There's like an old man who's been sitting in the pub for a day and a half. Yeah. Just absolutely wasted. He's like teetering on the stool. Yeah. And that was the fourth pair of boots I made. The fifth pair of boots were actually a gift from my brother. And it turns out they'd be the boots that killed him. The sixth pair of boots I made. And he's like, uh-huh. And he just comes back and like takes the mug out of his hand. He's like, uh-huh. Uh-huh.

And he just puts a glass of water on the table in front of the guy. Do you want me to get rid of that guy? No, he's pretty harmless. I am a professional bouncer. And I show him my certificate. Your bouncer's union card. You did laminate it. I did laminate it. Nice. Yeah. The picture is just Tuck doing like the pussy eating thing. Oh, yeah. And then the picture on the back is him suplexing someone who got too rowdy at a Buffalo Wild It's like a, what do you call it? Like holographic. Oh, yeah.

It's like him. Zip, zip. It's an animation, a two-frame animation of Tuck suplexing a guy through a table. This is my license and my resume. Yeah. Yeah. It's also a trading card in McCall. It's worth something. Anyways, you want me to ditch his old cobbler? I can suplex him like this. I don't think that'll be necessary. He's just going to sober up a little bit. So I'm getting the vibe you guys are heading out. Yeah, because I'm wearing my boots. I'm wearing my backpack and all my stuff.

Billy's got a big hat and a walking stick and sunglasses on. I'm crying, of course. I mean, you guys have your room keys. I know. It's just a different feeling. It's just a different feeling when you know that you have to spend all day outside. There is a thing where it's like when you leave the front door, because this happened also when Morris and Perel left, where they were like, I guess this is goodbye. Yeah. It always feels like, because you don't know. It's a magical thing.

But it is like, I think there's something about the bar. That makes it feel like it's the final scene of like a really long running sitcom. Yeah. Where Mr. Feeny looks at the empty classroom or whatever. Yeah. And goes, class over. Yeah. I love you all. Oh. So, okay. So your plan is to get behind enemy lines and join the Firefields Principality Army? Yeah. Yeah. And if Mears could take us there with Hither and Yon. Oh, yeah. You guys had talked about rolling for it.

Yeah, we did talk about rolling for it. Like, because. Hither and Yon has its own mind about where it goes or stays. Yeah, totally. So we could try rolling for it. Yeah. Because it takes so much intention, right? To go to the right place. And right now we're a little bit scattered. So I like the idea of leaving it up to the die to see what it thinks. Yeah, totally. I think Hither and Yon will have its own like door mechanic where you roll.

I want to say probably charisma to try and like convince Hither and Yon to take you where you want to go. 10 plus. It takes you where you need to be. Mm hmm. Seven to nine. You're close, but not quite. And six plus. You are in danger in some way. Okay. End up somewhere that's not good. Are we like all rolling together? I think it's whoever's opening the door. Like, I think it is a single role to determine.

Billy is like still like he's trying to be brave, but he's actually pretty scared to go back because his knife wound is very fresh. Yeah. So he's kind of clinging on to Mears like, I really miss you. Yeah, I'll miss you too, Billy. But you can come back. Literally. Anytime you find a door. Okay. Yeah. I'm just going to hold on a little longer. Okay. That's fine. We didn't see you for so long. And now you're back and it's just really hard to leave again.

And I mean, who knows what's going to happen? And it's a magical bar and it's the nostalgia field. It's it's this happens to everybody that spends time in Hither and Yon. It's like a winter morning and you're trying to get out of your bed, but so cozy. You really don't want to. Yeah, it's it is a it is a bar that is. It's metaphysically comforting to people. It rejuvenates your spirit. It makes sense that it feels bad to leave, but you can come back anytime. Just hold on to your room keys.

I lost my key. You lost. What do you mean you lost your key? No, it's in one of these flaps. I don't know. You got to check. You cut back to Tuck, who is unaffected by the nostalgia field. He's just eating a giant kielbasa in the kitchen. And he's like, fucking thing. Forgets his key everywhere. He picks up. Picks it up. Yeah, Tuck just leaves. He's just going in and out of the door, going out, checking out the fair. Yeah. And the seventh pair of boots I made. You're never going to believe this.

It was actually the second pair of boots I made. Whoa. How did that happen? They came back to me like every good pair of boots does. Cool. And the camera shifts to a wide and Tuck is just dragging the table. Out the front door. That's awesome, dude. That's so cool. Is the dude just like seated at the table? Yeah. Yeah. He's seated as if nothing is changing. And then he's just outside. Yeah. And the eighth pair of boots. Eighth pair of boots I made. Now there's like a chicken on the table.

It's just pecking at his plate of bread. You're going to love this. It's a nice pair of boots. I have yet to make. Ooh, where am I? Click. Click. And then all the shutters slam. Yeah. And Mears comes back from the cellar. Oh, that guy just left on his own. Stole your table too. Piece of shit. Oh. Okay. That's weird. I bolted it down. It's just holes in the floor where it got ripped out. The floorboards are broken. Still attached to the table. Mears just sighs, rolls his eyes. All right.

Well, it seems like Hither and Yon has decided it's time to go. Where to now? Who's? The scary place. So we want to go behind enemy lines. We got to figure out who's going to roll this. Tuck tells you guys, the thing I want more than anything is to kill Cole and Black Hammer. Yes. So if I open the door, that's going to be where we go. Okay. Or maybe it'll take us to Allison. What I want most is to kill that guy. And to see Allison. And then I smell her scarf. Yeah, Cole.

Oh, no, don't do it like that. You're going to cross your wires. You're going to try to fuck Cole and Black Hammer. Dream weaver. Wait, no, hold on. Focus up. Yeah, I think you should roll in that case because you want it really bad. But are we trying to get to Callum, though? We're trying to find out more about him. A thing to remember, Sean O'Hara, you're speaking. Last time you fought Cole and Black Hammer. He beat the brakes off you guys. Tuts. You could always, you're kind of healed up.

You could always try and ambush him. I feel like if I was you three, I would maybe want to be a little prepared to do so. So maybe I shouldn't be the one that opens the door because it'll and Tuck is speaking totally truthfully to you guys right now. It will either take us to Cole or Allison. I have not jerked off in a long time. I guess we've been sharing a room. Yeah, we can't. Okay. Well, if I open the door, it's going to go to a bowl of soup or. Bowl of soup. I think that's about it.

All right. If I open the door, I'll probably go back to that bathroom that I've been using to jerk off in where I lost my key. You dropped it in the toilet. Let's roll to see who rolls. Oh. Yeah. I like that. Who can focus their minds enough. Okay. Multiple. So one or two. It's you, Jess. One or two. One or two is you. Oh, we're rolling to see who one person rolls. Three or four, five or six. Okay. One. So you got it. Okay. I got to it. Okay. So to be. Okay. So just so I understand. Yeah.

Are you guys trying to get to like Black Glass to sign up? To the fire field? Yeah. Because that was your plan was like initially your plan was BW. Yeah. To get double agents. In our minds. To get close to Cal and Black Hammer. Yes. I mean, that's a good option for sure. Mm-hmm. That's what I want to do. Yeah. Yeah. We can do that. I want to get into that army. I thought we were like going to like wherever they live. I'm a little worried that they'll know who we are. Yeah.

Because of the battle and we fought him and everything. I think we need to go somewhere sneakier first to see how we can become double agents way off the line. Okay. Like way on the back back line. Yeah. Like the city, like where the battles are being planned. Yeah. The high command. Yeah. Oh, so we go to Black Glass. Black Glass is the capital of the Firefields Principality. I was thinking like the High Command is maybe a tent or like, you know, there's like a base, an army base somewhere.

There's probably a fort or a camp out there somewhere. So the goal is to get to High Command, sneak in, and observe how Callum is running the operation. Yes, and we could sneak in as recruits. Yes, and we're trying to figure out what the fuck he knows about that gibbous man. How much they're working for him or how he's pulling their strings. So you're trying to get close to Callum Blackhammer. Yes. Whatever way possible. That's what Billy thinks. So he puts the bowl of soup out of his mind.

He pushes it aside like he's full, but he's not. Yeah, he pushes it in front of Callum Blackhammer. I see Callum Blackhammer's face, whatever he looks like, and I'm like… You're just imagining Colm Blackhammer, but like a nerd. And he takes a spoon and takes some of your soup. Yeah, I'm just like… I'm gonna fight you. Alright, so we're rolling 2d6 plus charisma. Sure, yeah. To try and convince Heather and Yon to take you where you gotta go. I'm gonna drink that soup. Plus charisma. My soup.

So one. Uh-oh. Holy shit. Five total. Oh no. So full failure. Do you have any child? Fairy child? I do. I have one left. I'll use it. I change it. I'll use it to a seven to nine with my fairy child. Yeah. So you're getting close, but not quite. Hmm. What if it… What if it, like, instead of opening up in, like, Blackglass or near where Callum Blackhammer would be, we would open up on the road to it. Okay.

I think, like, I like the idea that you open the door and it's literally, like, outside is moving. Like you're in a cart. That's a good idea. Open the back of a carriage. Of the Highspear Army. Or of the Blackglass Army. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of the Blackglass Army? Yeah, I like that. Because you're trying to get to the camp, right? So you're like, I want to go to where Callum Blackhammer is. And it was like, oh, Hither and Yon's like, good news. Other people are trying to get there, too.

Yeah. And it opens you up into the back of a carriage. You see people, like, you crack the door. Uh-huh. And there's, like, you see, like, a Mac, like a war Mac, like, walking. Boom. Boom. Boom. Whoa. Like mechanics hanging off of it. But it's also, like… Hanging off of it? How? Like, riding it. Like in a papoo? Papoose? Did you say papoose? You know how Billy climbed it? How there's, like, handholds and scaffolding and stuff? Like, there are guys, like, hanging onto those scaffolds.

There's one lazy mechanic. He's got a hammock tied to the chest of it. And it's got, like, supplies on it. Like, it's got crates and bags, like, lashed to it. That makes sense. Oh, yeah. He's a Mac Mule. Yeah, exactly. And it's wearing, like, a big tartan. Like, wrapped, like, down across the chest. And then it's got, like, a war kilt, like, around its waist. And it is… This one looks like it's been… No, I'm not gonna get too many into detail. Tell me. Tell us. Tell us. Tell us.

He's playing the bagpipes. I actually do think they have pipes on them that make noise, like, as they walk. Like the sound in War of the Worlds. That… Oh, yeah. Terrifying. That's so scary. Not to make them too Scottish, but I think there are ones that are basically pipers that make, like, bagpipe music to scare opponents. And it's so loud. It's deafening. What's that, like, Celtic, like, horn that's so scary? Oh, the Carnix horn? Yeah. The, like, horn? Yeah. Screaming one?

Like, making, like, that kind of sound. Yeah, totally. Oh, yeah. So then the mouths of the pipes look like… Some of them look like animal heads. Oh, yeah. That's cool. Oh, yeah. I also like that maybe they use the music to communicate and coordinate. Yes, absolutely. Different songs mean different things. That's cool. They're flanking right. I think the Macs also, like, talk to each other. Kind of like whale song. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, great. Yeah. Yeah, that's cool.

They have, like, rudimentary intelligence. They're basically animals. Yeah. So that's what you see when you open the door. And then there's, like, mechanics hanging off of it and foot soldiers. Like, a real ragtag group of people, because it looks like they maybe just joined. There's a horse that's black and evil-looking. Evil horse. And there's a really friendly dog that sees the door open and it smells the food and then starts, like, trying to get it. Maybe that's the seven to nine. Yeah.

Fully is that, like, you do see a dog that's just walking, like, notice you and start wagging its tail and, like, lift its nose. And then it starts trotting. Towards the back of the cart. What do you do? Get him in here. No, we gotta get out. We gotta go. What? They're gonna see us get out. Are they gonna see us get out? Yes. I mean, maybe, but you can… Roll for surroundings. Roll for being sneaky. What's it called? Observe surroundings? Observe surroundings? Observe surroundings?

I'd like to roll observe surroundings. What here can I see? What can I smell? What can I taste? I got twelve. Oh. Holy shit. So you get three questions off the certain realities list. I gave you so much with that Mac description because I got really excited. Yeah. Sick. So we know what we should be on the lookout for. What's about to happen?

What's about to happen is if that dog makes enough of a fuss about getting into the back of the cart, someone's gonna be like, ugh, and then open the door to let him in. Okay. Yeah. Because you hear somebody going like, Angus, what is it, Angus? What is it, boy? Are you hungry? You're a good dog. You're a good dog. You're not racist at all. And neither am I, but don't tell anyone that. Traditionally, most of this army is. It's in their fundamentals. What's valuable?

Hanging off a peg right next to the door are several, it looks like uniforms of some kind. Great. What here is not what it appears to be? You hear the like, what is it, Angus? You're a good boy, aren't you? You're not a racist at all. And then you're like, wait a second, I've think I fucking know that voice. And going to like, ruffle the head of this dog is Merbo. One of the brother mayors of Pinewood. Pinewood. Holy shit. Uh oh, he knows us. He also likes us. Let's put on these costumes.

So that's the question is like, what the fuck is he doing here? Well, it's in the fire fields, right? It's in the fire fields. They definitely just conscripted everyone that was fighting age. That's what these racist fucks would do. They would. They would draft people. Yeah. Okay, let's grab those uniforms. And try and sneak out. Because if Merbo sees us and he's not a bad guy right now, we put him at risk if he recognizes us. Yes, we do. And that dog. Yeah. That dog who is pure of heart.

So if anything happens to him, we're all gonna be so sad. Oh my god, the stakes just got so high. A pure of heart dog is on the… Angus? Oh, boy. Alright. Do we need a role to put on these costumes? Not to put on the costumes, but can we secretly grab them? Yeah, I'd say that you could grab them pretty. Pretty easily. They're right next to the door. Just youp. But to sort of put on the air of being fire fields recruits, you'd have to roll something for sure. Charisma. What are the costumes?

They're black. Like army uniform, but what kind of… I was imagining the fire fields military, their colors are probably black and red. Yeah, black and red. I think there's like leather, heavy… Boots. Heavy boots. Yeah. Are they… I was gonna say like heavy leather like armor. Yeah. Because like maybe the iron is reserved for higher standing people. Oh, that makes sense. That's really cool. Yeah. So yeah, what kind of uniforms do we think they are? Is it like mechanics uniforms?

Infantry uniforms? You hear Tuck zip his… He's got a gimp mask on. He's like, I don't know what this guy does. Just a giant beard stuffed inside of a leather mask. It's just all leather. That's all… When you said they were all leather, it's like this tight leather thing. No, just the top. Why is it regular clothes? Zippers over the nipples like this. My guy is just leather, guys. They're regular. There's a leash on that. He unzips the mouth. He's like, why is there so many zippers on there?

They're regular clothes. They're linen and leather. I mean, having like a gimp style mask for some sort of terrifying like berserker guy is so creepy and cool. Yeah, I bet the mechanics wear masks, but probably not zippy leather gimp masks. Probably just normal masks. Or if it's just like the executioner, even. You want to be wearing a gimp suit. I think it's kind of funny. I think it's cool and kind of funny. I don't have to if you guys hate it. I like it. I'm fine with it.

It's gross, but I hate it, but I'm fine with it. It's not going to affect me, but I hate it. There was a fucking gimp on YTV, okay? The Punisher? The Punisher. No, he was wearing like body armor. I'm dressed like the Punisher. He was wearing like little straps, too. He had a gimp mask. Did he? Pull it up. The Punisher. I don't know who you're talking about. I don't know this Punisher. It was a game show.

It was a Canadian children's game show where a gimp slimed children when they got trivia questions wrong. It was truly the best show I've ever seen. You can't say that on television. He 100% looks like a gimp for sure. He does. That's the Punisher. He's the best. It's called Uh-Oh. It's called Uh-Oh. Yeah, that's a gimp. That's a gimp. He looks like a mixture of gimp and venom. You know that some dads would watch. They'd watch this show and be like, What the fuck?

Golping whenever the Punisher comes on screen. And then sliming everyone. Jesus Christ. This is the part that's always so funny about disguises because we love disguises. That someone just had a seven foot tall, five foot wide, all leather outfit hanging on a peg. Oh, it was five feet tall, three feet wide. It's a crop top now. Yeah, it comes up to his calves. It's capris and a crop top. Great. Perfect. It was a barbecue cover. A bunch of zippers on it. This is not clothes. No.

This was the kind of gimp mask. That's a barbecue cover. This was the cover they put on the Mac when they turn it off. Yeah. That's it. Yeah. Yeah, which is a barbecue cover. Yeah, totally. What about Billy? Billy can only really fit into the linen tunic that he's had to like tear the arms and bottom off of. So he's not drowning in it. Great. So I just look kind of like a sad boy. A sad little poor boy in my raggedy linen outfit.

Like a weird little ragamuffin that hung on to the cart as they left. Yeah. Yeah. What about Ving? Ving's got a mechanics outfit on. Cool. He's got a tool belt, some wrenches, put some grease on his face. Yeah. I imagine they have like big leather aprons. And then I did, now that you were talking about a leather mask, I imagine they have like round leather masks with like lenses. Yeah. Like welder's goggles made of black glass. That's a mask that's on mine. Yeah. I have a leather mask.

I have a little breathing mask on. Yeah. Totally. Oh, cool. It would be cool if they all had like sort of like breathing apparatus for when the Mac like creates a bunch of accurate smoke. I pictured a bit of a cage around that for some reason because it's a very sensitive thing. Oh, cool. So it's like a weird cage around a breathing apparatus. Maybe the cage to reinforce it. So like if you're hit in the face. Yeah. There's sort of like a cross between a hockey helmet and Mad Max. Yeah.

A little bit of Mad Max. Absolutely. And a bit of a muzzle. Yeah. Yeah. Cool. A little dog face. Yeah. Okay. Great. So you guys are in disguise and you're going to just like casually walk out of the cart. Yeah. With charisma. Okay. Mears like waves quietly. Which is like, I kiss him on the forehead. I unzip my mouth and I kiss him on the forehead. I kiss him on the leg. Okay. Be careful. Hold on to your room keys. Okay. I have fangs. I tell him, I took fangs. Awesome. What? You have my keys?

You keep losing it. I lost it twice. You leave them everywhere. Okay. Just make sure that you fully close the door when you leave. Okay. Okay. Have fun at the war. Yeah. And you're sneaking out? Yeah. So are you sneaking out or are you casually walking out? Casually walking out like we're meant to be here. Like we're supposed to be in there. Yep. Charisma. To go do mechanic things. Great. These are all charisma. 2D6 plus charisma. And we get a plus one forward from the discerned reality.

Plus one forward. To discern realities. Oh, yes. I got seven. I got 11. Oh, I get seven because it's charisma, right? Yes. It's charisma. Great. So it's two seven to nines and a 10 plus. Yeah. Okay. So the seven to nine. Billy, you just walk out so casually. There's some other short people here. I'm like, oh, nice. You just mix in with some short people. My people. Like, yeah, there's like a couple halflings, some dwarves, just some regular short humans.

I think because Billy is so small, he just has a profile that is less likely to draw attention. And then two people that are seven feet tall get out of the cart. That weren't in there before. Well, then as far as nobody, anybody knows. Yeah. But I think you are just drawing attention. What do you do to like, you see a couple of the mechanics like stand up from the back of the Mac and like lean down to look at you. And Tuck goes, quick, kiss me. Quick. You gotta kiss me right now.

You gotta kiss me or else they'll find us. This is true. This is true. This is true. This is your answer to everything. Hurry up. Kiss me. Tuck. The thing is, Abdul has picked up dice. I know. I'm looking for something. Not kissing. No, don't look at your sheet. Just kiss me. Don't look at your sheet. Ving. Okay. Paul's kissing Abdul now. I use spirit tongue to make it with Tuck. There's a lot of spirit tongue in this case. I come in like a hairy ibex there. There's so much tongue.

You were still rolling dice. What is your plan here? To look like we went in there too far. And then we were trying to sneak out quietly. Oh, I see. And everyone's like, Oh, those guys just went in there to fuck. High fives. Yeah. Adjusting your belts and stuff. All right. So I'm rolling to undo my belt to do a backup. I guess so. So that sounds like dexterity to me. Why are you rolling the smallest dice this morning? You know, I'm trying to come up with some small dice.

You know, I'm trying to come up with some small dice.

This is impossible and I'm rolling to unzip my gimp mouth to zip it back up okay so that's also dexterity I'm rolling to see how much pineapple juice I have on me yeah wait can I roll charisma somehow if you say that you did it a different way okay all right maybe you're like talking out loud like whoa what a makeout sesh that was yeah holy shit my balls are empty and mine are full I want to do some chin uh pull-ups on the doorframe before heading out to get all sweaty yeah so I can use strength that sounds like strength yeah okay so 2d6 plus charisma 2d6 plus strength I got sucked dry this really worked for me I got 10 great yeah I got 12 12 uh yeah we're on bren so you're like opening the door and you realize that like oh man this isn't gonna work these outfits are too fucked up yeah tuck realized when he smashed his head on the top of the fucking doorframe uh yeah so you guys put on your little show and the mechanics look at each other and like shake their heads big was grabbing my ass really hard really hard and everybody around is like including merbo you see merbo like roll his eyes and laugh I take a point of damage from that do you want to take a point of damage from an ass grab make yourself easier to kill later that's fine by me and uh you are able to you're now like integrated into this column of people yeah but stay away from merbo yeah yeah and merbo is playing with the dog angus he's like throwing sticks off the side of the road and uh angus is running out and grabbing him I'm coming back I think angus is like a big mastiff or something like that like he's got oh big jowls like a big head and he's like oh I'm gonna head and he's just kind of running around but maybe he's scruffy oh oh man maybe he's a wolfhound I love wolfhounds oh yeah they're like really tall and scruffy they're so scraggly up trees they chase boys up trees yeah in robin hood prince of thieves they were bred to uh chase boys up trees bred to tree boys said paul remembering a terrible childhood oh I needed was an apple angus lifts his head to the wind and sniffs and smells a boy nearby locks eyes with billy oh it's too late he smelled the boy uh but yeah you're integrated into this column you've you've successfully escaped the carriage close the door behind you like a little window in the carriage opens up and you see just the inside of a carriage the light underneath the sill changes from like the like flickering candlelight to like just like dark yeah I would like to use my mechanic disguise to get close to the mech and see if I can find out some sort of thing that we can use later if we need to fight one yeah I think that you your your disguises have been effective enough that you can kind of wander as long as you don't draw too much attention to yourselves by being asses yeah you should be cool to just kind of like observe why did you look at me I didn't I looked away you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you none of them are at abdul zero asses and you um yeah you can totally just like walk up to the mac as it strides down the road it's just thumping yeah and the closer you get the more the ground like shakes when it walks it's so tall it's tall it's 15 20 feet tall covered in pipes covered there's like probably three mechanics yep like riding it and you know doing work on various pieces I'm swinging a wrench hey boys how's she running today oh like a dream this bong bong like slaps the side pride of the firefields mechanic core yeah that's a cool name mechanic core mech core mech core yeah pride of the core this one is we call them what do we call all they some of them have names oh no but he you would he would assume that you'd know so pride of the core m4 is it's kind of like a acronym it's like a number it's turned into a name oh yeah they give them like names based on like star wars droids like they get names based on their designations I like that they kind of get bastardized into like m4 yeah yeah yeah probably to the core m4 is crank crank like he's got a big ratchet and he's tightening something there's like you can hear like a like kind of a low hum coming out of the pipes on the back of that thing oh it's like soothing as you're marching it's like a marching song yeah um do I need to do discern realities or something that is what you would do if you're looking for info I would like to gather fucker these days they're making me crazy they're definitely one of the bone die which are beautiful and then the other one is literally two millimeters across it's making him happy it's making everybody part of the problem it's driving you wild I like these little dice great go ahead and roll it uh discern realities with wisdom yep I got 11 there you go the tiny glasses off if you can still read them I got 10 so yeah you get three questions off the list uh what here's not what it appears to be I guess it depends on what you're looking for I'm looking for weaknesses weaknesses specifically about the mac I think that's what I'm kind of going for there's like a weak spot that they're trying to like maybe that's why they're like hanging out on them because they're trying to fix it right now you've always brought up that there's always mechanics hanging off them it means that they need constant maintenance maintenance I think that that is absolutely true like they are they are so based on what you saw the first time you fought one you have them in your mind as like very formidable and they are very formidable uh combatants but they are delicate in their own way there's a lot of different systems that are running that are all fragile that like so basically up until the point where they're fighting they need to be worked on um so they are not quite as strong as they are like presented as being they're kind of like the concord jet like where every time it would fly it would require like an insane amount of maintenance because going supersonic is like an insane thing to do to a machine right and it would be the same thing for a thing that's that big that's doing that much kinetic movement totally yeah these are probably like the most advanced piece of machinery that exists which means that they are almost always breaking down yeah yeah yeah and they probably don't like last that long in a fight like they they go hard bursts yeah small bursts and then they like I don't know retreat they're shock troops yeah yeah yeah yeah totally yeah that's and your your experience with it was like they basically wound it up and pointed it at you yeah and then just let it go yeah and then it fucking exploded because billy like destroyed one boiler inside of it yeah what should I be on the lookout for something that you would notice is that the one that you fought is different than the one that you're looking at right now which makes you wonder are there like a couple different kinds but then based on the fact that this one has a name and that the mechanics seem like it seems personalized that every one that you encounter will be slightly different so weaknesses besides their general fragility might not translate between max because they'd have different capabilities they're like custom cars kind of they seem to be like almost custom made like every group that that maintains a mac does its own so there could be like a base armature and then like a little bit of a like a little bit of a like a little bit of a like a little bit of a then all the everything on top of it is is custom yeah fucking so sick I like that I love that but we know that the boiler is a weak spot is there any way a hundred percent the boiler is a boiler boiler is you know based on fighting the old one the boiler seems to be in the same place every time really yeah it's in the back of the chest yeah because you can see they're like the hatch is open right now and they're like shoveling coal or whatever in there and you would assume that something that important means that it can't be moved they take coal.

Yeah, they have steam boilers. So you pop coal in the boiler and that boils the water, which makes the steam, which powers the Mac. They're full of fire. So that means they're carrying tons of coal and we were to destroy it. It could be the coal runners, basically. And coal is part of the word calm. That's Tuck whispering the thing. Oh my god. It's also part of Callum if you move stuff around. It's a jumble. It's a good cram. Good job, Billy. You've been practicing your words. Yeah, I have been.

It's taken two years to teach Billy any letters. Yeah, so like actually that is a good point. The cart directly behind the Mac is full of coal. These things obviously require a ton of fuel. And there's different types of it. When it needs to go into Super Saiyan mode, it's like as white coal. Alchemically treated coal. Oh, cool. Yeah. Yeah. Lastly, I think I'll use who's really in control here and use World Talker to try and talk to the Mac itself.

I think you like try reach out with your sort of spiritual connection to connect with this machine. You know, you're like when you walk up to a horse, he kind of styles up to the side and strokes on the pad. Yeah, neck and pads and puts an apple on his got to do it flat or it'll bite your fingers. I'm so nervous. Don't be nervous. It's still nerves when it's hard like it from, you know, 15. 15 feet up.

You see it kind of like lean down a little bit and it's big like lens covered head spins to look at you and other people like, whoa, whoa. Yeah, there's a guy on top. It's like, whoa, as it kind of shifts around. But the voice you hear is like a chorus because it's you can feel that it's made up of so many different components. There's the fire burning in the boiler. There's the iron that makes up the armor steam steam like the air being compressed and fired through the pistons.

What aspect of it is its intelligence? It's not a singular aspect. It's many aspects add up to some urgent property of its being exactly cool. It's really cool. I think that if we were to look back through history, I think the semi intelligence of the Mac was like an accident. They were trying to make like chassis that people could pilot and then they started acting on their own and they're like, whoa, we have discovered something here.

That we could use to crush our enemies like the unfortunate thing that all innovation leads to is how do we use this to kill? Yes. Are you asking it? Are you asking it a question? Maybe that can help me. I just want to introduce myself. Hello. My name is Ving. I am speaking to the collection of you through the collection of me. So it's basically like you are told that this being has been designated M4. So it knows its own name. It's been told its name. I think it refers to itself as it.

It was once ironed. And earth and fire. And now it is M4. Earth, wind, fire. Do you remember? I love your second album. You guys are so sick. Um, yeah. Where do your orders come from? Its orders come from the mechanics. Oh, really? What do you know of your purpose in this war? Its purpose is to serve the mechanics. Hmm. I am a mechanic. Its purpose is to serve you. It's good to meet you. It's good to meet you. Huh. Okay. I mean, I have this talking. I feel like I should ask it something else.

You guys have anything you want me to ask it? I would, I, maybe like is it content in this form? Because that's the thing that we've always seen with the spirits is like they might not have agency or plans, but like they can be in pain. Preferences. Yeah, they can be like this isn't natural for me. Yeah. Oh, maybe it's like, because I do, I do kind of agree with that.

That this is like a form that is not natural for the spirits of the elements that like underneath the why they always need fixing because they're always trying to break down, break free in a way you know? Yeah. I like that. They won't let me rust. I cannot rest. Yeah, I think why I think M4 like the collection of emergent intelligence that is M4 is like its goal is to serve and then underneath that if you're to like push your perception past. I listened to this song.

It's like the spirits are railing against this prison. Like it's a song of pain. It's a sad song. They have been forged into a shape that is made only for destruction and they long to be free. I am not a singer. I am a song and it is a song of woe. Wow. And as you're like hearing this song, the song of woe, you see like a pipe on the shoulder like some gasket bursts and a mechanic rushes over and starts fixing it. Like several mechanics. Yeah. Have to run over fixing it. Lash it back into place.

And I feel it's being sink a little bit. Yeah. And become more robotic and mechanical. And then it begins to play. It's like marching song again. Billy, you integrated yourself into this group of smaller people. Yeah. There's some like tired people who are resting who are sitting on these sort of like what do you call them? Like the frame of the cart? Like you've got like the running boards. Yeah. Like wood beams. Yeah. Sit out. Yeah. So I'm sitting with them. Nice.

Like underneath the cart almost. Yeah. Kind of. Oh, cool. Yeah. Just on like the side and stuff. Yeah. Sick. Yeah. And they're like passing little like rations back and forth. Dried meat and bread and whatnot. I'm like, ooh. I've got a ton of granola on me if you're hungry. Oh, good. Oh, ew. Yes, please. I would like to like use this to I guess gather info. Yeah. Would parlay work? I mean, they'll gladly take the food. I feel like it's maybe a, unless you're thinking about a specific topic.

Yeah. Like I do want to ask them about Callum Blackhammer. Sure. Yeah. You can roll 2d6 plus charisma. We're just like doing small talk and I noticed that they're eating rations and passing around. So I like pull out my huge bag of granola. I'm just like sprinkling into my mouth. Fucking stole it out of my bag. I see you. I'm like fucking stole it out of my bag. I've talked to him so many times. Like a little prince like yum yum. You can take the boy out of the thievery. Yeah. Eleven. Okay.

Yeah. So they'll answer. They'll answer your question. Have what's a you know, I've never gotten to meet him yet, but what's Callum Blackhammer like? Oh, we oh, none of us have ever met Callum Blackhammer. What have you heard about him? Oh, we've I mean, he's such a hero of mine. He is and you do see they kind of look at each other like, oh, a smaller like kid around seems like maybe 10 or 11 is like, yes, he is quite. Cunning. Oh, is he not? I mean, I'm just I don't know him that well.

Oh, no, we would never. We would never. Of course. Of course. Callum Blackhammer is and they all like saving face. The kid gets nudged when he says, yeah, he's quite cunning. He gets like nudged. He's like, oh, of course, he's he's one of the brilliant minds of the of the Firefields Principality. Him and his brother will lead us to victory against the the enemies of the Firefields. Yeah, this is like a Democrat family. That's like living in a Republican state. Yeah, totally. I just love Trump.

Yeah, he's fine. I mean, he's great. Yeah, red hair when I'm looking around at like the rest of the faces down here. Are they do they look they look a little uncomfortable. Okay, so everyone looks uncomfortable this question. Okay. Anyway, here I can share my granola with you. Oh, and they gladly. Yeah, take some granola and they're very happily chowing away. I mean like he's cool, but I am nervous to go up.

There and an older lady like puts a hand on your shoulder like that's that's natural to be nervous. A lot of people are having to face things. They've never faced before. Did you did you want to join? Well, I mean who wants to join, you know, but when the conscription came through we had to answer same, you know, okay, so I'm obviously they've been like basically like forced into this.

Yeah, it seems it seems like though the people that you saw at the front seemed pretty passionate in their fighting. It seems like there are there is conscription going on in the firefield. Okay. Yeah, we might be able to sow dissension. My people. Yeah sway some people to your to your side. Yeah has Callum always been this way. I don't remember. I mean, I'm pretty young. We live like really far out in the in the woods. So I mean, I don't I don't hear much news and the woman kind of nods.

Well, you know the the Blackhammer twins have always been very direct. In their methods of governance, but the last few months have been something else. I don't know what changed there was peace for so long and now now there seems like they're jumping on some sort of opportunity the sword Billy says that under his breath. Billy says that under his breath. I'm sorry. What was that to you? I'm sore. I'm sore.

I'm so sore like like sitting around like a walk in so far and sitting around on this bumpy heart. Oh, yes here here and she like takes a scarf out of her bag and folds into a pillow. That's really sweet. It's a long way. We've got another another day or so till we get to high command. Wow. Okay. All right. What time of day is it? I feel like we're like in like early evening right now. Okay, early evening. Yeah, so the sun is setting or has set a little lower in the sky. The sky is reddening.

Yeah. Oh, we see as it gets dark, you know that thing where when you have low cloud cover. Yeah, and it's like there's like a fire underneath that illuminates orange. Yeah, that's black glass. Yeah, totally the number of like forges makes the sky just like it looks like it's on fire. Yeah, and there's columns of that smoke like it looks like cloud, but then there's columns of it, which is like big belts of steam. Oh, yeah, from all sides.

Yeah, that's cool as you ride through this landscape like the fire fields is pretty rocky and there's like, basically thermal vents like off to the sides of the road. You see like steam pouring up through the ground. There's like bubbling Myers bubbling. Yeah, you pass through like a mire with like this raised earthen road that you're on, but there's like bubbling hot mud on either side. And yeah, you're just carrying along down the road. Talk. What are you doing on this way?

Well, I received many high fives from fucking that dude guys. The soldiers that were around when I got out. Yeah, totally. Yeah, I like that the mechanics also have like a status in this in this. Oh, for sure. Yeah, it's a mechanic instantly in. Yeah, you bagged a mechanic. Well done. Well done. Yeah, thanks, man. He was really rough. I lost a hit point because he was ramming my ass so hard. Wow, that's so much information right off the bat. Men don't usually share in this world.

Yeah, it's just more of a thing you say to like close friends as opposed to new acquaintances talking about the degree and efficiency with which your ass was around. I'm glad to hear things are going well for you. Thanks, man. My name's Ving. Ving. Couldn't think of a line. Yeah, great. Nice to meet you, Ving. My name's Jerome. Hey, Jerome. Hey. Do you know what? When you look at me, what do you think my job is? Your job? Yeah. General labor? Yeah, that makes sense. Big and strong lad like you?

All leather, the skip mask. Yeah. Coal mule. Oh, yeah, you're a mule, right? Right, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Logistics and labor? Yeah. I kind of am a gopher. I run shit back and forth. Yeah. That's why I'm so big. That's why you're so big. Yeah. Sorry, I'm still thinking about the ass thing. It was rough. You and me both, buddy. Let me tell you, I'm gonna be thinking about that for a while. Yeah. The way he ripped my ass is what I mean. Wild. They look out and Ving's just like waving. Hi! Hi!

Jerome. Like, nods. Wow. Quite positive, that one. Yeah, he's a great guy. He's, uh… Yeah, stiff as all hell. Great. That Tuck. Just switch names in this adventure. Yeah. Whatever his name is. Okay, so… Tuck is talking to Jerome. He's like ferrying shit back and forth. What do you do? Oh, me? Yeah. I'm just an infantry recruit. Okay. Yep. New. Brand new. Most of us are, actually. Except for any kind of nods to the Mac. Yeah, those guys. Kind of makes a face. Yeah, I know. I know.

Where did you get recruited out of? Oh, I got recruited out of a place called Lil' Sir. Oh, man, I love Lil' Sir. Oh, have you been? I was there one time. Oh, it's beautiful, huh? Do you know a guy named Gregom? Oh, Gregom. Are him and Brenda still together? They are. Thank you. Oh, that's so sweet of you to remember. I love that. That's great. The town is walking every night from the sounds of their powerful lovemaking. And you know what? We all kind of appreciate it at this point.

It's sort of beautiful to see love blossoming at such a late stage in life. It's mostly Gregom and it's incomprehensible. Well, boy,! Boy, he's he's has smoked meats have never been tastier. Actually have some. Oh, whoa! He pulls out like a little bag. Would you like to? Yes, please. He gives you a little piece of like it's like it looks like a smoked anchovy. It's a fillet of anchovy. I crack it in half and I save half for Billy. What the fuck? Can't fucking fish.

And I start I start chewing it. Do you know where Combe is right now? Have you heard through Blackhammer? Yeah, through Grapevine? I've heard that he's on the front as ever. He's still back there. Close to High Spare City, I hear. They're close to pushing through. I heard some guy, some cool guy really fucked him up. Really? Yeah. Haven't heard anything of that. You haven't? Okay. No. You should spread that around. All the broadsheets have been spread around.

All the broadsheets have been spread around. All the broadsheets have been saying that he's been winning quite hondily. It's probably fake news. Fake news for sure. Nah, big guy, big cool guy really fucked him up. Big cool guy. Huge long shot. Have you seen like a super hot redhead? Woman. Uh-huh. She's got like dark skin, long red hair. Answers to Allison sometimes. Oh, okay. I was gonna say, you're describing many, many women in the Firefields Principalities.

Okay, do you know a redhead named Allison? So hot. Like, so hot. Like, crazy hot. He's making a face like, I don't know. I haven't seen her around. No, I think, I mean I've heard the name, but I don't know if it's the same woman. You've heard the name? The name Allison. Sure. Okay. Well, tell me about this. A friend of mine said that he met a woman named Allison who he found quite fetching. Okay. Did they? It gets really angry. Oh, okay. First, second, third. So, what happened in that scenario?

He didn't say a gentleman never kisses and tells. Not that you would know that. What's your friend's name? Just by any chance. My friend's name? Yeah. I'm not gonna tell you. Okay. So possessive. Yeah, that's kind of an L. Anyway, I've got quite a ways to walk. I might just focus on, you know, left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot, if you don't mind. Yeah, sure. I'll focus too. I trip him as I walk away. He falls and just looks back like, what the fuck?

And then I want to use Riff Raff Street Rat and ask, what is my biggest threat? Interesting. Do you think that there is a threat nearby? Is that your concern? Yeah, Tuck leaves Jerome in the dirt and he walks up and down. He uses the fact that he's a mule to cover the fact that he's walking the full length of the march. And he walks all the way to the front and all the way to the back to see if there's anything that's a danger to us right now. So you're walking back and forth.

You're walking up and down the line and you're like, nah, this looks okay so far. And the landscape is, you know, trees and bubbles. Rolling mires. Just long roads. Fires burning in the distance. Maybe the lights of a couple towns here and there as you're walking. And like 15 minutes after you leave Jerome, you hear, hey! And you turn and it's Merbo. He's got Angus next to him. He says, did you say your name is Feng? Uh. N. Yeah. Fuck.

And as you're looking at him, he starts to say something else and you hear a whistle and a thud as an arrow slams into the cart next to you. And Merbo looks at it and then looks to the trees and yells, ambush! And that's where we're gonna end it. Whoa! That's sick! I'm your game master Sean O'Hara. Joining me as always, Tacoma Dome, the barbarian, Abdul Aziz. So, my name is Ving, actually. Playing Ving, the half-elf druid, Paul Oppers. Goodbye, Sean. Oh, wow!

And playing Fabulous, the halfling thief, Jessica Tai. Bye, everyone. Thank you to Aaron Reid for our intro and outro music. You can find Aaron's original music at aaronreid.bandcamp.com and all the original music produced for the show at Spotify. Thank you to our supporters around the world. Our show would not be possible without your support.

If you would like to support the show and get access to the up-to-date Mall Brats feed, monthly live streams, merch drops, and also, we have just started our playtests for our post-Spout Lore campaign up all night. And we have just finished a game of Kids on Bikes, which you can hear on Patreon at the $5 level. So, check that out. And also, listen to our other show, Mall Brats, which is available on Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts.

And if you like Mall Brats, leave a review, and we might read it out on air. Reviews such as… This one comes from CG246. Most of the time, I put podcasts on a sleep timer to help me fall asleep, but I can't use this one because I wake myself up laughing. I gotta say, I'm not really an online person. I literally only listen to five podcasts. Spout Lore and now Mall Brats are two of them. So, that's two out of five of my podcast life dedicated to these guys alone. Exclamation point. Amazing.

That's really sweet. Snack Lord says, The Cool Treat Kids donated a kidney to save my mother five stars. Okay. We'll do anything. For stars. We're starving for stars. Thank you, Snack Lord. Yeah, we got eight good kidneys ready to go. Yeah. If you need them, just send us a DM. Well, seven. We need one at least to share. Nah, Paul, last one. In the war. I could give two half kidneys at this point. So, if you want to write a review and have us read it on the air, we would love that.

We'd love to hear from you. And if you make it funny, it's more likely that we'll read it. Yeah. Like, giving a kidney to your mom or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll give all your mom's kidneys. Yeah. I have two available. Yeah. I'm willing to rent out one. I think I need one, though. You do need one at least. Yeah. See you later, everybody. Bye. Bye-bye. Bye. And so ends the tale of Adventures 3, who tried the best they can.

Though dumb and scared and lost they be, for time's abreast in rest, they'll re- And though our journey may be like a conclusion, we will not leave you without a resolution. Return next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores. And for you, I'd gladly say, it's about love.