Episode 11 – Out of the Frying Pan, Into the Firefields

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape, and wields a spear with great might Peely's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends, and listen close For the tale's about to start Hello everybody and welcome to Spout Lore!

I'm your Game Master Sean O'Hara, joining me as always playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian Abdul Aziz Hello everybody! Playing Ving the Half-Elf Druid Paul Oppers Bonjour! And playing Fat Billy the Halfling Thief Jessica Tai Hi everyone!

When last we left our heroes, they were in the process of figuring out what's next They headed back to Morris and Perel, their wizard friends who were about to head on their way to the Highspear to begin their mysterious magical project Mmhmm And it came time for the party to decide if they were to accompany the erstwhile wizards or head off on their own to complete their own mysterious goals Primarily the defeat, or at least slowing down of the Blackhammer Twins Mmhmm They decided that their place was going to be better served on the battlefield Yeah And let Morris and Perel as well as their newfound bodyguard Victor head off on their own adventure They headed back to Hither and Yon To figure out their next step and kicked an old man, an old cobbler, out of the Hither and Yon They decided that the best place for them was to go behind enemy lines Mmhmm Sign up with the Black Last Military in some fashion and use this as an opportunity to get as close to Callum Blackhammer as possible Mmhmm Hither and Yon attempted to help them out but decided to put them instead on the road to…

The Black Last Military's High Command Tent The cart that their door opened onto traveled in a column of new recruits and hangers-on Including Murbo, one half of the Mayoral Brother Team of Pinewood Mmhmm A town from long, long ago The party was able to don some disguises to hide out Hoping against hope that Murbo is not a bad guy now Mmhmm And learn some things about the War Max Mmhmm Learn some things about Callum Blackhammer Primarily that it seems like the Blackhammer Twins have always been very direct in their governance of the Firefields Principality But that things have changed recently Mmhmm And that the war was sort of unprecedented and unexpected by the people Mmhmm Ving communicated with a War Max and the Chorus of Spirits that make up the materials Discovering mostly that they are an amalgam of different spiritual intelligences Yeah That are wanting desperately to break free of the new form that they've been made And Tuck talked to a guy named Jerome and found out that he's from Lil Sur Uh huh And that he knows Brenda and Gregom Yeah And then also asked if he'd ever met a red haired woman named Allison Right He said no he had not, what were the odds that he'd say yes Mmhmm But his friend did mention that he had run into a red haired woman named Allison Mmhmm So, is Allison nearby?

Is this just a coincidence? Who can say? Who can say? And as Tuck continued to attempt to discover or just glean some information about the goings on Mmhmm Merbo stopped him and asked, hey did you say that your name is Ving? Mmhmm Because he in fact introduced himself as Ving to Jerome And Ving keeps answering from further down the line, what? Huh? Right?

No, what dammit And just before the questioning could go any further An arrow slams the door An arrow slammed into the cart next to Tuck, signaling an ambush That is where we find our heroes now What do you do?

There's an ambush I roll for honor Oh yeah Fight with honor You don't even see an opponent right now Okay Yeah Oh People start scattering, the people that Billy was sitting with which were mostly like hangers on And a bunch of like basically the non-combatants like scatter and hide Yeah Letting the military folk move out into the sides of the road, people are trying to figure out what's going on Mmhmm And they're just like, yipping out of the woodlands People are grabbing shields off the side of the carts Oh cool Yeah, nice I like that Yeah, they're creating like a wall on either side of the road And arrows are bang, bang, bang, bang Cool I wanna use defend Okay, yep, 2d6 plus constitution Alright Smart And you are standing in defense of Of the cart where Billy and Tuck is near Great And let you go further away I'm running back to Billy also Yeah I got 11 Dude Right, Paul is using the smallest dice known to man So small that like it looks like it's going to disappear Everyone hates it except me and Paul I love it, it's rolling, I'm rolling well You're rolling great Yeah cause it's weighted poorly No it's not You don't know that So you get 3 hold for defend to be used as you see fit And you all convene back at the cart Arrows are zipping, people are running around The mechanics are like hurriedly finishing some sort of maintenance on M4 the Wormack.

Things just pretending like… Clinkity clinkity clinkity zip zip zip zap plop don't forget the Johnson rod see you guys in a second. And then it like runs back to the cart. Yeah, Tuck wants to… The thing I keep thinking of is like tipping one of the carts over to make a barrier so that the arrows can't hit us. You can stand behind a cart as well. And a burden. A burden. Yeah. Keep in mind like the one that you came out of is like a carriage basically. It's like enclosed.

I'm gonna tip it over. You're gonna tip over. Okay. Alright. Sure. 2d6 plus strength. Okay. I got a 9. Oh, nice. I'll 8. Sure. Thank you. Yeah, go ahead. I was doing the Jean Valjean thing. Yeah, totally. And Ving rolls, shows up and starts helping. 2d6 plus bond. 7. Okay. 7. So that makes it a 10. You grab onto the edge of this cart. Yeah. And strain and strain. Yeah. Then Ving comes and helps. Yeah. What are you doing? And you tip over a cart. And it stops moving.

And you hear a huge crash inside. Thank God we're safe now. We're safe. The cart is now about Two arrows go in front of our face. Between our faces. And they land on the underside of the carriage where Billy's kind of stuck in. Yeah. And now the cart's about three feet lower than it was when it was upright. But our feet are safe. Our feet are safe. Yeah, your feet. Your vital organs. Our Achilles heel.

And all the people that were on the cart with Billy hunker down behind the now admittedly more layers of protection. Yeah. Between things. And people are running around trying to figure. You hear voices going like, where is it coming from? Where are they? Can we discern realities? Absolutely. 2d6 plus wisdom. 10. Whoa. Three questions. What's about to happen?

You would guess that because this is some sort of supply convoy and the fact that the shots seem to be coming out of hiding in a way that isn't prioritizing killing people. They're trying to take something. They want to scare people away so they can grab something. Okay. Well, we're not getting this cart anywhere. They can't have this. That's for sure. It's a bit of a sitting cart right now. Uh-huh. Who's really in control? You're like tracking arrows with your elf vision.

You're trying to like figure out where they're coming from and you see an arrow shoot out of like some tall grass and you see that grass like move and you recognize almost immediately the reed capes common in the Riverways Principality. It's Alakii. Tuck fully just steps up from behind the cart and gets hit in the shoulder. Yeah. Okay. Go ahead. 2d6. Defy danger. No way. Alakii. Alakii. 2d6 plus what? I guess Constitution. Forget. Tet. Okay. Yeah, you take this hit.

You don't feel anything, but you get hit in the shoulder by an arrow. I don't react to it at all. Is that you? The arrows keep coming. What should I be on the lookout for? I guess what they want because you guys are in a bit of a tricky position here because you are disguised as members. Of the black glass military. That's your goal is to stay disguised. You also know that you are kind of on the same side as the people that are currently trying to kill you. So what do you what do you do?

Could we I'd like to parlay with with a can you sneak over there? Yeah, I could sneak over there and parlay with them. Yeah, you could try and sneak over and into the long grass. You're the littlest. You'd be the easiest costume. I'm wearing like the black tunic, but I hold up my little fun blade and I say, don't worry. I will fight them and then I scurry off into the glitter moving around in it. I go. Yeah, yeah. Cut through the grass. Uh-huh. Yeah, say to talk. I don't think he has a plan.

So I guess it'd be probably defy danger dexterity. Sure. To like sneak through to sneak through. Yeah. Holy we're all aid. Uh-huh. Here we go. Okay. Well, I got it. I wrote it. Okay. Oh, I like. All right. I got 11. Okay. Thank you. So that makes it a seven to nine. Yeah. And tuck you fail. So how are you trying to help Billy? I come out from behind the car and I try and distract people from him and it works. Yeah. Let me tell you you start waving your arms around like over a year.

Just get ahead and roll a d6 but yeah, you take four damage. I have armor subtract. Whatever your armor is three. So I only take one. Nice. You get pegged by an arrow. It's like just like I got not but five minutes ago getting big today. You get a seven to nine. Yes. So I think that someone shoots at you, but they're not trying to hit you. They're trying to like stop you. Yeah.

So you like zip into the grass and you think you've got the drop on them and an arrow like zings out of the grass near you and pins you for a second. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I take off my mask and and I say I surrender yet to d6 plus charisma eight. Okay. Yeah, and you're like a you you stay there boy. If you don't want to get hurt, that's fine. I just wanted to talk to you guys talk about what you like here arrows going back over the ground. Careful listen, we're we're on your side.

Oh, like we haven't heard that before. I'm serious. Whoa. No me. My friends were just we're on a mission. Yeah, prove it. Okay, I drop my sword. Mm-hmm. I mean, you can't keep it forever. It's really cool. I'm not gonna hurt you. I can't get over to him. It is really cool, isn't it? Oh my God. Are these yours?

You hear some like the voice that you've been talking to makes like a couple whistle sounds and then like you hear rustling as it sounds like people move away, but then someone comes through the grass in like one of these woven reed shapes. Don't hurt me. Oh my God. What is this? What does this person look like? He has dreads. Oh, yeah. Dreads. Yeah, his dreads. He's dark. He's got a pan flute hanging from his from his neck. A pamphlet? Yeah, pan flute. Oh, pamphlet.

So he's got like a reed Pamphlet? I like that. It's like a what? He's got dreads, dark skin. He's got a pan flute around his neck. Yeah. It's a real music festival. That is. Yeah, totally. You got 30 seconds. To what? To explain yourself. Okay. Well, me and my friends we're trying to get revenge against Colm Blackhammer and we didn't really know of like a cool way to or like an easy way to do it. We're really scared of him.

So we thought, wow, we just like to try to like join his army and pretend to like be on his side. And then when we get close to him, we'd pounce. And I'm supposed to just believe this. Yeah. Like, look at my outfit. It's obviously not made for me. Wait a second. And he like pokes his head up like his cape basically just barely clears the grass and he's scanning and he see it looks like he sees Tuck and he sees Ving. He's like he sees Tuck get hit by another arrow. Look at him.

You think he's trained? Ving's like, I should be defending you. I don't know why you won't let me. I could stop these arrows. Are all the arrows getting like stuck in your like leather sex suit? Yeah, it's getting stuck in the gift suit and my shoulders and stuff. It just keeps he keeps kind of like forgetting to take cover and then walking out to talk to Ving. Oh, right. We're under fire currently. I forget. He's like, wait a sec. You're those three. Yes. Oh, okay. All right. He hunches down.

He's like this. I just want you to know what is a bold plan that you've that you've devised. Yes, I know. It's quite bold. Thank you. And you hear like a couple more whistles like he whistles. He's doing that when they just whistle without their fingers. It's just the lips and teeth. And you hear a couple whistles in return. He's like, all right, they're gonna try not. To kill your friends. Okay, but we got to take out that fuel. Please do. Actually that would be great. Okay, stay here.

I have no choice. Dangerous. I have no choice. I can't move stuck to the ground and he melts into the grass in his cape and tuck Ving talk. You stop getting hit with arrows with quite as much frequency, but every once in a while one finds its way towards you get hit in the hand. Yeah. Like he's trying to get hit and Ving and talk. You both see being now that you've gotten a better look at the warmax.

You see the mechanics are just about done whatever they're doing and they're going to send that thing into the tall grass in like a couple seconds. I'd like to use defend because I know the Billy's out there. Yeah, basically the mechanics hop down off of it or maybe one stands on top. One is like standing on top of it like reaching down and holding onto a rung and it makes like a train. Whistle noise and starts thudding into the grass. What do you do?

I'm going to have the attack the attackers effect or damage. So you're trying to Ving grabs a tuft of grass and pulls it out of the ground with a clump of dirt attached and then jaunts up the back of the mech and says I got this one boys and then just secretly kind of stuffs it in all the cracks and puts in the pipes. Yeah. I'll let this one back home for grass. We use grass for everything. Trust me.

And you yeah, so you climb up this thing and start shoving grass into the pipes and cracks and you can feel and see the steam start venting in unusual ways like it's not coming out of this pipe.

It's coming out of that one which makes M4 slow down like its head starts to spin around as it's trying to analyze what's going on and the mechanic on top that is like a stride M4 looking out into the grass pointing and shouting out where he thinks he sees things is going to notice you doing this if you keep doing it. Okay, I'll jump off. Great. You slide back down and it is M4 is slowed down Billy you see you look up from where you are and this giant machine is stomping into the grass.

Oh my gosh, I'm going to roll away and like rip away from the arrow holding me down. Okay. Yeah. Defy danger strength if you're trying to rip away or dexterity if you're trying to like wiggle out of your boot rip it away. I want my boot eight. You basically like see the max slow down and start spinning its head and it kind of like bangs its chest almost like it's trying to cough. Oh interesting and then it's you can see the smoke the steam on the back is going like poof poof.

It's trying to clear the vents on its body. Cool but the mechanic sees you and shouts and points towards you and the Mac like turns and start stomping and you can't tell right now if it is seeing you as an attacker or seeing you as someone to say is my sword still laying there. Yeah, you might have rolled closer to it. Probably. I want to grab it and go wait. I'm on I I'm on your side flip flopping all over the grass being a double agent's awesome.

Yeah, yeah 2d6 plus charisma save me God these days suck five plus two seven. Okay, seven to nine. So you start screaming way your arm saying no, I'm on your side. I was I was kidnapped. I need saving. I'm just a victim M4's head spins around and looks at the mechanic who's kind of shrugs a little bit. It's like I don't know and then okay, and then he points and it starts stomping towards you reaching out. It's one fingered hand.

Okay, and I like I'm like, yes, please save me this huge hand these giant metal fingers wrap around you and from our perspective, it looks like it just killed you. Yeah, we're like no Tuck you see Billy get grabbed by this giant machine. What do you do? Tuck just like runs and like what to jump trying to get onto the Mac to get to Billy. Yeah, want him out of his hand to you six plus strength. Okay, that's a 14. Yeah, you're able to you like hop onto the cart.

You're able to you like hop onto the cart. Yeah, hop right onto the side of the thing. I yeah, I like ping pong cart to like the cold dump and then I do a huge jump and I have my axe in my head and I'm like somebody draw this and I land on top of the Mac and I look at the mechanic and I go hey, did you have you seen a little boy anywhere? Yeah, he's gone. I'm just there and I go Billy. I'd like to use I'd like to use my defend move and redirect an attack from the thing you defend to yourself.

Yeah, so I'll run up and get in. I'm thinner than Billy. Oh, I just want to like jump in the hand. Sure. So you pop Billy out of the hand and you get yourself in there. I just try and get him out but it puts me in his hand. Yeah, and the machine looks at you very confused and through its connection with you. It is unsure how to serve. Oh weird because you're a mechanic. It's you're now in its hand. It's just getting confused. Basically, it's intelligence isn't complex enough to understand.

My ears are really spinning fast. You can see its head is spinning around a lot trying to like focus on different things and different people trying to collect as much data as it can and it's not doing very well. Yeah, and I say I think I have I've seen this before let me down. I shall help you. Yeah defy danger charisma three failed. There we go. It seems very confused and you feel the hand start to tighten around your torso. Am I still in the grip? No, you're basically like on top of the hand.

Oh thing pop you out. I'd like to wedge my knife in one of the joints. Yeah, Bing is going to take a little bit of damage first. Okay, roll a d8 x5. So that's 10 damage to Ving. Yeah, can I defend? Yeah, so you would roll 2d6 plus Constitution. Sure. Sweet. Okay, so that's 10. I would like to yeah, drive the knife into like maybe the thumb. Joint of the mech and maybe you help me like pushing it down over top of my yeah vital organs. I'm down big fella totally.

Yeah, so defend that would be one hold for one of these options. I guess I would like to deal damage the attacker equal to your level so for damage and these things have significant armor remember but you do jam it into the hand enough that like weirdly it seems like it hurts it and it like opens its hand. I'm sorry and then drops to the ground with a stud because you know, you're like eight feet up. Yeah. Yeah, I gather myself and I get up top and I start pulling the clumps of dirt out.

Yeah, totally talk you're up there and this it m4 looks like it's starting to panic in a way it doesn't know what's going on anymore. I think it starts to reach up onto its back and its hand is like grasping for me for you for the mechanic that's up here. The mechanic seems like he's panicking too. Okay, I go to the mechanic. I go don't worry. I've seen this before I can fix this and then I kick him in the chest off the mat are you trying to deal damage or just kick him off?

I just want to kick him okay 2d6 plus strength because I want him to not control this thing and I know being kind of has a connection with it. Yeah, it seems like it. Yeah. Yeah, so I feel like him not being around will calm it down and allowing to control it eight eight. So you don't worry. I've seen this a million times pow kick him straight in the chest and he starts flying off but he grabs onto your leg and the momentum carries you both to the ground. I try and land on top of him.

Yeah, you land on top of him for sure. Okay, or no, I guess yeah, you could roll for this. Okay six plus dexterity. Yeah, that's six plus three and then dexterity is now negative one. Okay, so seven to nine, which means you're both going to take this damage. Yeah, roll a d10 and then roll it again. Okay, so four so he takes four five you take five. Yeah, yeah as you slam into the ground and now all of you are on the ground and m4 just starts to freak out.

You know, it's starting to do the like turn and like the pipes start just playing music like panicked music and it's stomping around its head is spinning its arms are swinging. Oh, we're still on it. Hey, no, because Ving got dropped. Oh Billy you're on the hand. I'm on the hand. The arm starts to swing wildly out to the side. Oh, yeah, I'm holding on trying to stay to like his underside so he doesn't see me as well. Okay, so 2d6 plus dexterity. Okay, 10 10. Yeah, you hold on.

Yeah, you're getting whipped around like a tennis ball in one of those dog ball throwers and arrows start plinking off of it and there's some a couple like jamming in between the armor plates. It looks like it's about to rampage. Basically, it doesn't know what to do. I want to jump on top of it and clear the dirt out and try and calm it down. Yeah, sure 2d6 plus dexterity to get up there. I got nine. Yeah, seven to nine. Can I aid? Yeah, sure.

I want to do the thing that he did for me at the other Mac fight. I help him jump. Yeah, I jump off his back. Yeah, 2d6 plus bond. I will be your stairs. Holy shit 11. Yeah, you are. I throw him so far. You kind of have to grab on to not go past it. Yeah, and we draw this. Oh, yes. Somehow Ving still doesn't look cool while he's being thrown onto the back of this thing. Hey, you can't do that to me. He's pinwheeling and Tuck like looks sick. There's like a breeze in his beard.

I didn't expect it to be that strong. He's basically cheating to the camera with a flex. He's so vascular right now. Can only fling with one eyebrow up. He's an ape. Yeah, you land on the back of them for her. I use my wrench to start digging all the dirt out and like trying to shush him and lull him. Okay, 2d6 plus wisdom. Oh nine. Yeah, I'll aid. Yeah.

So Billy you're hanging on to the underside and you see as the arm gets flung like up over its back clearly going to the pipes to like yeah, it looks like he's almost going to wrench them off like he's freaking out. It's it's freaking out and it looks like it's going to pull the pipes off its back. Would it hurt Ving if it did it? Probably because it's just going to be like a catastrophic destruction. Yeah, I drive my knife again into one of the joints closest to me. Six. Six. I fail.

Okay, so Billy fails, but it's still a seven to nine. Yep. Billy you get tossed clear. No! Yeah, you see Billy like a volleyball fly through the air. Luckily you went in the long grass. And because I made Tuck do a d10 you gotta roll a d10. I have to roll a d10? Yeah, you're getting hurled through the air. Me? Sure. I have a baby. You did fail. Seven? Holy shit, dude. Seven damage. You slam into the ground. Whoa, I'm almost dead. You're almost dead? No, I have nine left. Okay.

That'd be fucking bad. Yeah, there's just like clumps of dirt and mud flying everywhere. I landed on the one huge rock. It's so sharp. And I hit my funny bone and I'm going, eww. . Just cause you landed on your elbow and you're like, eww. . It's mostly spiritual damage that you took. Yeah. It's embarrassing. But you're able to get some of the clumps out of the pipes and the steam starts moving more naturally. And I want to sing the song that he was singing before when he was in a good mood.

Yeah, which is basically like Scotland the Brave or whatever. Yeah. And you are imparted with, it is confused. Yeah. It is scared. Which makes you go like, wait, scared? Yeah. I want to try and talk him down. I don't know why I rolled, but I got a four. Hold on. You just rolled a four. I rolled a four. You rolled a four plus your charisma. Yeah. Oh. Which is zero. Shit. Oh, man. It does the thing that it was trying to do.

It feels you on its back, reaches up, grabs you, kind of spikes you into the ground. Roll a d10. Two. Two. Okay, two damage. It grabs you, but it just like isn't quite able to get a firm grip on you. Yeah. And you kind of just tumble out of the ground. It just comes out of its hands. My hair. And it looks at the battlefield. Because people are still, you know, fighting, running out of the grass, running into the grass, and it runs off. Whoa, cool. Shit, just like into the distance?

Into the trees. No. Shit. I'm four. It runs and it like starts knocking trees out of the way as it charges into the woods. No. And we hear like a song as it runs away. And yeah, it is. Sing me a song of a land that is gone. Earth is blue. Yeah. And it's gone. And mechanics, a couple mechanics like run after it, but it looks like the Riverways people are not achieving their objective. Shit. Can we look over and see what's going on?

Basically like a few infantry people, it looks like a lot of people have run off to be honest, because these are like new recruits. Right. There are officers trying to get people in line, but some people are just throwing down their weapons and running off. There's like whole forces that are kind of freaking out and like kind of just bolting in random directions. Exactly. Our weapons were in that cart. We cannot actually.

People are trying to wrench the door open to the carriage like, why has it got tipped over? Um. And M4 taking off really threw things into chaos. Yeah. I think that like the cart of coal did get tipped over probably in the, because M4 was lashed to it. Like he was pulling it. Oh yeah. So as he was rampaging it just got knocked over and torn free. But they need the fuel. They want it for some reason. Yeah.

And I think that's what it is, is they can't get out of the woods and the cart is like immovable. So people are, they're being fought off of this cart. Fucking shit. Yeah. So you guys have sort of re, you guys have regrouped? Yeah, we're still in the tall grasses I think. Yeah, with the, with the pan flute guy. And the mech mechanic is still. They ran off after M4. Okay. Yeah. They get in so much trouble if they lose their mech. Yeah. Oh yeah. Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck. Oh no.

Yeah, we cut to him. Word fucking dead man. They're just running. He's so fast we made his legs so short but so quick. I can't lose my mech this close to Charles Eve. I'm already on thin ice with the foreman. And pan flute guy is like, what are you doing? I don't think we're gonna win this right now. We're gonna have to try again later. What do you mean try again? Call your forces off. We'll try and set up an ambush further down the road. And this time it'll work. Alright.

Somebody roll a defy danger charisma. Billy, you have the most charisma other than tuck. Rollin'. Jessica's very specifically choosing to not touch the dice that I roll. I've seen some questionable dice. Incredibly specific. You made a bunch of very specific choices. No, I have rejected my personal dice and yours in favor of this one that always performs well. Roll these guys. No, I don't want to. These are mine. Why do I always have to touch your dice? Oh, thank God. Eight plus two, ten. Nice.

Ten. You did it. He looks at the three of you, nods, and whistles into the trees, and the arrows stop. Or there's a couple like fighting, like parting shots. Jerry! Jerry stop. And a clang clang, dunk dunk, and then the pan flute guy plays a little tune on his flute. And says, come with me. And into the grass. Yeah, we go. Into the trees. We follow him. Are we following him?

And there's a bit of a harried flight through the trees as you are trying to follow, as the sun is like going down and the sky is becoming red, trying to keep your eyes on pan flute guy. His cape is blending into the underbrush. His hair is blending into the underbrush. Yeah. And you see on the corners of your vision like other Reed caped figures darting through the trees as well. They're so dextrous. They're like Tarzan moving through the trees. Oh, yeah. Cool.

Just like freewheeling like limbs, just like spinning through the trees. Hippie X games. Yeah. They're doing parkour. Yeah, they're doing parkour. They're like doing that jump where their legs are underneath them as they fly over a log. Totally, yeah. Cool. And they're all wearing Tevas. What's that? The sandals. They're shitty sandals. They're annoying. They squeak. So you hear squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak. I do. They're running through the trees. Russell Russell's week.

And eventually they come to a halt and they gather. There's probably about, I don't know, 15, 20 of them. In the distance you can hear pipes and crashing. And pan flute guy turns. That was pretty bold of you. Thank you. How do we know that you're not here to undermine our efforts? Because we fought with you like a few days ago. You fought not with us. I heard about you on the grapefruit vine. Yeah, with Alec, Alec's roommate. Yeah. Do you know Alec's roommate? Do you know Alec? Who?

Okay, never mind. You're not important to me. I gotta go. See you later. Talk starts tragic. So you're, you mentioned an ambush later. Yeah. You would help us with this? Yeah, of course. But we would have, it would have to be kind of the same thing. Double agents, you know? Yeah. We're team Riverways all the way. But we snuck in because we want to kill Colm Blackhammer. Yeah, we have a personal vendetta against him. Yeah. They all like look at each other and laugh a little bit.

Who here doesn't have a vendetta against Colm Blackhammer? Yeah, and you should know that most of the people on that side of the army do too. So careful where you're aiming those arrows. A lot of those people aren't fighting for them because they want to. Yeah, all those people ran off. They don't want to be here. We understand. We pick our shots. But anyone that raises a weapon in service of the firefields is our enemy and will be treated as such. I understand. I'm Pan.

These are the Riverways Harriers. Sick. Cool. Hi. I'm Tuck. I'm Billy. I'm Ving. Nice to meet you. Head back to camp. Alright. And then there's a bit of a like, just the scene of like trudging through the woods. Do we have a moment? Does anyone want to poultice? I got so many. Yeah, I could use one. My stitches are coming apart. Oh, Billy. Oh, God. It's hard under this scratchy linen shift. So hard against my soft baby skin. I'm good. I only lost like four hit points.

I'll just dig these arrows out. Oh, yeah. Billy got fucking volleyball spiked into the ground. Yeah, I think I broke my arm maybe. Geez, Billy. Do you have a poultice for a broken arm? Yeah. Oh, my God. Just hang in there. Polyjuice or whatever it's called. Yeah. And when you say, do you want me to dig the arrows out? Tuck's like, what are you talking about? And he turns around and he looks like a porcupine.

It's like the guy in Indiana Jones when he turns around and he has all those tarantulas on his back. Yeah. Just like 80 arrows. What do you mean? Whoa. Oh, my God. Is this serious? Is it bad? Is it bad? I'm positive. 80 arrows is too much. Oh, man. It really helps that I can't feel most things, but I feel like that's a drawback in this situation. I tie strings to them and then tie it to a sapling and then knock over the tree. So how many hit points does Billy get back? Seven.

Yeah, so I'm at 16 again. Excellent. And you are walked through the woods. The harriers start pulling out little glass jars with mushrooms in them and they shake them so the mushroom batters against the glass and they light up. And they're using these as light sources to guide you through the trees. I light up TLC. Oh, yeah. And a couple look over. Oh, yeah. And I bring out my little willow, the willow wisp. Yeah, there's a little jingling, bell jingling sound as this light cat appears.

I bring up some ferris from my bandolier and set my hand on fire and hold it up like a torch. Whoa. So cool. Whoa, so sick. I go to touch his hand and I burn myself. Dude, what are you doing? That's not. That's crazy. That's fire? Oh. And so many, like, you guys all bring out your crazy adventurer light sources. Yeah. And you hear the harriers going like, man, those are so cool. Oh, man, our mushrooms. Fucking lame. No, no, dude, they're cool. What do the mushrooms say?

Yeah, wait, alright, thanks. We were inspired by how cool your light thing was. Yeah, okay, well, you didn't have to show off like that. I grow these mushrooms myself, you know. I grow them. That's really cool. I grew these mushrooms. You're a mycologist. Uh, whatever. You eventually get back to what looks to be an old logging camp. Oh. Like an abandoned logging camp. There's a destroyed sawmill, various piles of old timber. And they start setting up a cook fire and the like.

And you are welcome to sit around the fire with a pan. And a few members of the members of the harriers. We sit with them. Yeah. And food is distributed. Nothing fancy, but like a hearty, fungal stew. Oh, nice. Justin, that's That's what it is. Mushroom soup. I guess it's just mushroom. Yeah, mushroom soup. I love that, actually. Okay, Billy at first is like, woo, but then he's like, mm. Does that have cream in it? Yeah. It's because they call it a fungal stew. Yeah. Ugh, what?

Oh, mushroom soup. I see. I've had this before. And Pan is just eating some soup. And yeah, so what's your, why do you fight? We fight because we must. Our homes are threatened by the Blackhammer Twins. I mean, I guess same, because I know your homes are threatened. I was just gonna say, I guess we don't necessarily want to relay our bigger picture. Yeah. I keep the Gibbous Man stuff pretty close to the vest for two reasons. One, we don't know if we can trust them.

Two, we would sound fucking crazy. We would sound a little crazy. We're fighting because the God of the sky is gonna try and collapse reality. Ving says that. At the risk of sounding crazy. Do you say that? No. Okay. So yeah, when Billy says, for the same reason, because your homes are in danger, he like, nods. He's like, there's, much wisdom in you, young boy. And then, uh, I throw up because I ate too much. Like, like baby style, where it just burbles out of your mouth.

So you have intentions of ambushing the supply cart again. Look, man, we're down to help you guys with whatever you need. We have some good friends that live in the river ways from Bullrush. Oh, Bullrush Village. Yeah. Hmm. Stetton Walden, do you know them? Ha! Not a soul in the river ways doesn't know Stetton Walden. They're pieces of shit, right? Yeah, they're terrible. They're terrible. Kind of embarrassed that they come from where I come from.

It's embarrassing that we come from the same village, but we do. Why is it that whenever I meet anyone who's heard of where I come from, they know these pieces of shit? It's like our big nickel. They're, cause they're always in the longhouse, and they're always fucking making fun of people, and they're BRUTAL about it. Cut to the bone. Um, I've heard of your exploits, your prowess. What have you heard? That you took down a Mac. Yeah. By yourselves. Pretty much. Maybe. Impressive. Pretty sick.

Pretty impressive. And then Tuck, like, condescendingly puts his hand on Ving's forearm, and he's like, we all contributed equally to the effort. Ving takes a bite out of the spoon in his mouth. Crunch. Crunch. All in our own way. Billy killed this thing, like, by himself. Tuck's like, I kinda led the effort. He said Tuck is doing the thing where he's also self-conscious about it. You might remember hearing how well I did. You're doing it again.

Then, I think what he's, I think his thought is, I'll just sit. With three warriors such as yourselves, I can't help but feel like hitting a caravan full of new recruits and hangers on might be a waste of our efforts. Oh. You have something grander in mind? I do. Tell us. What does he have in mind? That's what happens is his eyes get really big and he's like, oh shit, I didn't think of anything. One moment, please.

And you can see he's like, you see his eyes moving around a lot, like he's going through a rolodex of potential targets. I think he's imagining a strategically important location that you could take. I mean the fuel supply. Maybe there's a coal mine? Oh yeah. If we can take control of a nearby coal mine. What if we blow up their fuel refinery? Because we said there were a bunch of different types of coal that are treated different ways. Oh, the alchemical. Yeah.

So what if we go and find out where they do that? Because the fire field does all these hyper mechanized factories. Yeah. So what if we go and we find the distillation fields or whatever and we blow everything up? Then they won't be able to power the max. Yeah. I like that. Put satchel charges everywhere. Whatever those are. You're not wrong. You're not far off. Yeah, he says there is a chemical refinery nearby that the fire fields use to produce special kinds of fuel for the max.

And it is far from the only one. They are not so foolhardy as to centralize their logistics in such a way. But if we were to destroy this one facility, it would reduce the amount of max that they would be able to field in this area. Okay. It would save countless lives. Will you help us with this? Yes. Absolutely. But if we're gonna do it, we're gonna save as many lives as we can count on their side. And if we do this, you have to tell Alec Key how cool we look.

He's sure he rugs and shakes his head. Again, I do not know your friend. Well, you'll have to find out who Alec Key is and then pass along that message. Yeah. Okay. So your request in exchange for aiding us with this very dangerous mission is that I pass along the information that you look cool while it happens. Oh, yeah. It's literally the most important thing. It's kind of very specific person. Yeah. And her roommate. Yeah. Or just spread it around and then everybody will know.

And it'll get to her. Perform with valor enough and your tail will spread its own. Do you have any fan artists in your kind of like I heard you screaming something about being drawn. This is something I've heard yelled on battlefields frequently lately. It's getting traction. A lot of people are yelling at you. No, it's actually you specifically. I've said it three or four times in the last few episodes. I'm just doing it. So we need someone to do it. We need someone to do it.

Just literally get it. Yeah, it was you did get drawn. Yeah, it's like your wish when you give into a pet. Now he's going to say it every time. It looks awesome. Gave me chicken one time. Now you give me chicken every time there's chicken. We all looked awesome. And I tried equally awesome. You Chris, you grab my wrist aggressively angry way. Kind and condescending equally drew it. We all equally equally drew it. We all drew it together. Great. So Pan nods very well.

If this is all you require is the sharing of your tails and put us in front of Callum. I can't promise that or at least put us in touch with somebody who can that I can try. Okay, cool. Thank you. All right. I recommend getting some sleep. You are safe here. And on the morrow we will reconnoiter the mission area. Could I make a fairy ring? Absolutely. Yeah. Roll dexterity nine plus two, eleven. Eleven. Sweet. So what does this look like? Billy making a ring around this around the camp?

Yeah, around the camp. What? Oh, nothing. I just assumed that their glowing mushrooms would be up like so it's like. Yeah, Billy's really inspired by the glowing mushrooms. So he grabs a jar and shakes them out. Like just the spores and then like I don't know they just pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop. Yeah. I love that. Yeah, but he does it like he tries to be chill about it like and then he's like whoa look everyone. That's crazy. Yeah and the Harriers. Weird.

The Harriers walk out to the edge and are like wow. I feel like if we all stay inside it that would be really cool. Yeah. The ring is like formed around the whole camp and there's like motes of like different spores. Glowing spores. Glowing spores coming out. Floating in the air. One guy gets up to go to the bathroom. He stands, he gets up and he's like outside the ring. He's like oh it's so cold out here. Oh yeah. He just walks back in. Weird. It's almost like you should come back in.

I want to roll what the bones know for tomorrow. Yeah, absolutely. So you're kind of like coming down. Yeah. Preparing for some rest. Yeah. A four. Oh great. Four, yeah that could save you. Ooh. Yeah. Great. So you have a four stored for a potential roll. On the morrow. Anything anyone wants to do or think about? I would like to heal while I sleep. Yeah, you rest. So you're making camp. That is a move. When you settle into rest, consume a ration. You've been fed. You don't have to.

I have been fed. Yep. If you're somewhere dangerous, you're not. So you don't have to keep watch. You are safe inside the circle. Yeah. So how many hit points do you heal? Half your max HP. Okay, so I'm just all the way up. Oh wow. Yeah, me too. Yep. I think everybody's probably good to go. Yes! Okay. You wake. The sun rises. I would like to roll fairy child. Oh yeah. You feel the sun in this new place. New lights under new trees. Oh. Seven. So I get three hold. What season is Billy right now?

Are you still summer? I think he's still summer. Cool. Are you looking to change your season at all? Sure. Oh. Let's get you back to fall. Yeah, let's or spring. Spring. Get you back to spring. So you're rolling a d4, remember? Oh, sorry, a d4. Damn it! Ugh. Winter. Oh. Fuck. Oh no. Can you do the thing where you just roll again? No. Yeah, so you deal an additional d6 with your damage and now you have a zero to your charisma. Yeah, so I wake up and I'm moody. Yeah. Ugh. Yeah.

Because you chose to sleep on the ground. I chose to sleep on the ground. Billy like crack, crack, like pulls himself out of frost. Uh huh. And he has like a little like kink in his neck. He's like ow. A lot of the hair ears have been up for a while. Like there's already fires burning and people are preparing their gear. Did I have a dream last night? No, you don't have dreams. But did I dream, did I see the demon of servitude? Yeah, what do you think? I don't know. Maybe I did.

Because it feels like it might be useful if I could figure out how to use it. Well, the only thing is the only thing is to consider the fact that the consequence for the Neurophage thing was that you do not dream at all. I don't dream at all. Yeah. But we do, we have established that that does give me connection to Black Spire. Yes, yeah. Well, I mean a void and then sometimes Black Spire shows up and sometimes a demon talks at me. Yeah, there's like a there's like a hole in your soul basically.

Yeah. Where other stuff can go in now. Yeah. I think that it's like you close your eyes and you wake back up. You fall asleep, boom. You wake back up. Yeah, there's no intervening time. Yeah. Yeah. You open your eyes. And as you're like, how was Tuck, Tuck was just sleeping on the ground? Yes. Yeah. Staring up at the trees, you open your eyes. Wait, does Tuck sleep on his back? Yeah. How do we think Tuck sleeps? He snores on his back, for sure. Yeah. Tuck is a sleep on his back kind of guy.

Uh-huh. Pass out by accident. A little sleep apnea dude. Oh yeah. Yeah, Tuck sleeps in the way that I sleep in all of the pictures that you guys have taken of me while I've accidentally fallen asleep. So like, on your back, head tipped back, mouth wide open. Totally by accident. Yeah. Falls asleep by accident. Doesn't intentionally ever go to bed. He will never wear his CPAP machine even though he's supposed to. Yeah. Oh, Tuck has sleep apnea for sure. Yeah. He snores like a bandsaw. I know.

And if we weren't always in a fairy ring when I slept, we would constantly be getting snuck up on by stuff. There'd be some assassin that's like, Hark, what is that? Hark, what is that? A soft target? A siren? A siren? I could've shot the barbarian in the dark. And as you wake up, you're staring up at the trees. You have the distinct impression that you just stopped snoring. In your head you hear, I could help you. And Tuck in his head thinks, you're only supposed to be a nighttime thing.

Who said that? There's a void. Things seek to fill a void. In my head? In your soul. What does that mean? You'll learn in time. Can I Spout Lore on that? Yeah. Yeah. I have fount of knowledge, so I get a plus one on if it's something that nobody knows about. No one could help you with this. Please, just bless these dice. So it's six. And no one can aid. No, cause he's asleep. He's like just waking up. He's by himself. So sorry, the blessing did not work. It didn't work. Yeah.

I try to think like in a way where I can pin this thing down to see it, cause I don't get it. You're trying to look with your mind's eye. Oh yeah. So I think you're like, you can feel yourself trying to like grab onto this thing. Yeah. I'm like, how did you get in here? So you're trying to grab it. You're trying to ask it questions. And you hear it say, in your head, I'll teach you. Tuck uses weaponized dissociation.

When you are subject to mind control or magic that influences your feelings, you may choose to take one D4 damage, ignore his armor, to ignore the influence. Okay. So basically he wants to just like slam the door on whatever the fuck this thing is. Yeah. One. Yeah, so you take one damage as you feel yourself mentally slam the door shut on servitude. Okay. Not a great way to wake up. Yeah. But yeah, the camp is starting to wake. Billy's kind of cracked himself back into winter.

Tuck has woken up, troubled, and with a new kind of ride along companion. Ving? He woke up hours ago and was trying to track M4. Oh. Interesting. Yeah. Okay. Cool. We can cut out there. I just went out for a bit and then tried to scan the horizon. Yeah. See in a direction. What do I see? Discerned realities. Discerned realities, I guess. Yeah. 2d6 plus wisdom. What do your elf eyes see? Whoa. Holy shit. I got 15. Holy shit! Please tell me what I see. Over the curvature of the earth. Yeah.

And you see it's totally flat. Yeah. It is a flat earth. You see the edge. You see the ice wall where the Illuminati are living. Oh my god. And you see past the ice wall, we're on a spherical planet that is all ice. So flat earth is sitting on top of a sphere. Yeah. Where the real earth lives. It caters into the edge of nothingness. Yeah. And the only thing. Played on a beach ball. The only thing keeping it upright is the Republican Party of the United States. Yeah.

We're on the back of that elephant. Yeah. I'm saluting right now. I was compelled to salute. I don't know why. Okay. Yeah. You get three questions off Discerned Realities. What happened here recently? What happened here recently? You find a spot where trees are knocked down in a pretty clear line. Like they were yanked out on one side and then smashed down as if with a giant hammer on the other side.

It looks like M4 took a pretty straight shot and anywhere that it passed through was only altered by like large like stones. Anything that it could smash through it did. Okay. What here is not what it appears to be. So you think that based on the mechanics that ran after it, they would tirelessly chase this thing. But the footprints that you're following that you see are like human footprints eventually veer off into the trees.

Like they either gave up or were chased off or got frightened or something. But it looks like M4 is on its own. Hmm. What here is useful or valuable to me? You would assume that without the mechanics and without the fuel, eventually it's going to shut down. Which means that if you can find it, you might be able to, I don't know, learn how they work or claim it for yourself. But eventually, it's going to just like turn off and kind of curl up. But you know it's out there. All alone. All alone.

Thing's crying a little bit. You also realize that your plan is to go to a fuel refinery. So he might be heading for a refinery. Like if he has basic like self-preservation instincts, he might head for the refinery to try and reload. Yeah, maybe that's one of their base programs. Okay. Cool. And you head back and the people are packing up and Tuck and Billy, you see Ving coming out of the trees into the camp. What do your elf eyes see, Ving? Uh, I think he's on his own.

M4 is out there somewhere. I shed a tear for him. You weep for the machine? I don't know, he's just a little guy out in the wilderness on his own. They're engines of destruction. On the outside. On the inside they're made of things of this world. And those things have a voice. Pan like considers this. Alright. I think it's time that we head out. And uh, you're basically gonna be led through the trees and the trails to this refinery. Uh, I think we could, I guess we could do a perilous journey.

Sure. Seems like the kind of thing we'd wanna do. So someone's gotta roll scout ahead, someone has to roll navigate, and someone has to roll manage provisions. I'll scout cause I'm gonna be in scout mode. Mhm. I'll navigate. I'll manage provisions. Perfect. I'm plucking all the mushrooms from the circle. Nice. Great. Ten. Eight. Eleven. Okay, cool, that's pretty good. Yeah. Alright, so describe the food that Billy has prepared for everyone on the walk.

Um, he took the leftover mushroom soup and has added the glowing mushrooms to it and he's like, they're probably fine to eat. But he also snuck in a big blob of butter. Woah. That he found. That he found? Yeah, like some of the bog butter that the the Riverways people keep in their Bog butter? Yeah. Bog butter? Is that edible? It's a real thing. Is that real? Tell me about it. Oh, they bury it in bog, like bog water. Woah. Or in a bog. It's butter. Yeah, it's butter. As we know it.

And you just bury it. And it preserves it. Oh, cool. So Billy found in like a peat moss bog a big ball of butter and he was like, they're gonna love this. They're gonna love this, you guys. The flavor. Is swamp. It's smoky. It does taste really good. Yeah. Yeah. And the mushrooms don't kill you. Yeah. Apparently. None of them do. But everybody's like, every time someone burps, like glowing motes of spores come out of their mouths. We also are high for like an afternoon. It is a mild high.

It's mild. It's into a high episode. And it's actually from the butter. Yeah. From the butyric acid. Everyone says, it says here that everyone who licks their lips takes plus one forward. And I lick, I'm licking a tree cause I, it looks like a giant candy cane. Yum. And scout ahead. You got an 11. So you choose two from the list below. Get the drop on whatever lies ahead. Beneficial aspect of the terrain, like a shortcut or shelter. You make a discovery or notice a danger.

I get a drop on whatever's ahead and make a discovery. Okay. Choose one from the list below for navigate. You happen on a discovery missed by the scout. The going is slow. Or you encounter a danger. I'll encounter a danger. Okay. You're walking along with the Harriers. They're doing their thing where they're like flitting from tree to tree. You hear whistling ahead and Pan appears at your side. The scouts have found something. What? And then you rush forward and it is, it looks like tracks.

Like big, huge feet. Metallic tracks. It looks like M4 came this way. This is him. And it looks like he has become much more… Cautious. Like he's either calmed down or lost energy. He's not smashing trees down anymore. It looks like he's moving through them. And that means that he's going slower because he has to move his like immense bulk between the trees. It looks like there was a bit of a scuffle at some point. Like you see the tracks like are irregular. Like he's facing this way.

Now he's facing this way. And you hear shouting from the scouts. And then you hear like a scream. Whoa! We ran up. So you see one of the harriers is like wrapped. Like one arm is up here, the other's like down. And is wrapped in the coils of a huge snake. Whoa! Oh my god! And you see like it's kind of got these feathered scales that kind of dip off of it. And it's like this kind of iridescent emerald blue. Oh my god, beautiful! And then it looks at you.

It sees everybody rush out of the trees as the harrier that's gripped by it, their eyes are wide. It looks like they're starting to lock. And you see like two punctures kind of on their chest. Oh no! And then this beautiful ethereal violin like eeeewwwwww like plays in the air as the snake disappears from view. Disappears? It's a harp snake! What? And the harrier like drops to the ground stiffened. Whoa! I run up to him. How stiff is he? Like all of him? He is rock hard, brother.

Um, Ving go ahead and roll a 2d6 plus wisdom. I guess to examine this. Uhhhhhhhhh 9. 9. I'll help! I aid. 8. Okay, so you like haul Billy along because this is a quick thing. This is obviously, it looks like the puncture wounds weren't super deep but this was a paralytic that was injected. And they are locking up stiff. Oh, I massage their legs, try to keep them, I don't know. Yeah. I suck out the poison. Alright, this sounds- I shove a book into his mouth so he doesn't bite his tongue.

Yep, sounds good. I think while you're running up to try and help this guy, this is what you hear. In the trees. Like echoing through the trees. Through the brush. Yeah. And it goes into like a defensive position as he hears the harp snake. He has- he went to a music festival where a girl lost control of her harp snakes and uh everyone was really pissed off at her. Yeah, that makes sense. It was a huge party foul.

And you hear this like eerie- No, we don't want to come back with you to this festival, Nadine! Four people died! Nadine! And uh, as you run up and Billy starts massaging his legs and Ving is sucking on him and Tuck jams a book in his mouth, there's like this beautiful eerie violin like playing in the trees, echoing off the branches, playing in the underbrush. So Billy's trying to massage. Yes. 2d6 plus 2d6. Dexterity. Ten. And I'm massaging so well. Just like Stay with us, brother!

You'll be just fine. And you're massaging like around the joints and in the knees and hips. Yeah, I'm like, do you have arthritis? It's crunchy in here. I do! And- but the legs start moving a little bit as you massage the venom out of the joints. Ving, you were trying to suck some of that out? Yeah, yeah, I'm just trying to do- 2d6 plus constitution. Uh, you got a seven. Nice. Oh, beautiful! Yeah, you're able to, uh, suck a good mouthful of this venom out. Yeah.

He's so hard, and I got most of it out. Oh, gross! I'm draining this hard man. He's so less hard than he was before I started sucking him. With nothing but my skillful mouth. Yeah, Tuck looks back over his shoulder and he's like, he's getting soft, that's great. Good job, guys. I'm almost there. I'm almost done. I'm almost finished. Yeah, I'll take care of this fat snake, okay guys? Uh, but as you do this, you hear a crescendo of strings in the underbrush just in front of you. What do you do?

It's coming back. Can I attack it? Sure. You can't see it right now. Can I use deathless to try and see it? Deathless being? Uh, you know your end, uh, when you enter a fight knowing death will not come, roll plus wisdom. On a hit, your foes are dismayed. Take one, plus one ongoing against them until the fight is over. On a ten plus, your surety in your destination makes something about the now more clear. Ask a question from the discerned realities list.

I kinda wanna enter a fight knowing that I can't die here. Like, this thing's not gonna kill me. Yeah. 2d6 plus wisdom. Twelve. Okay, there you go. You get a question. What is about to happen? Okay, yeah, so you're listening, um, you're keen musician's ear. Yeah. You're able to like track the sound of it. Be flat. Yeah. Exactly. Tuck has his eyes closed and he's like, it's music. Free music. You say it's music and a couple of the Harriers look at each other like, what? What does he mean by that?

And, uh, you, but you do hear the strings crescendo like three feet away from Ving. Okay. And you know exact, you can pinpoint where this thing is. Yeah, I'm just gonna slash the axe through it. Yep. Hack and slash, 2d6 plus strength. Uh, eight. Perfect. So you're gonna take damage as well. Okay. But you get to roll your attack on this thing. Okay. D10 for damage? Uh, yeah, you roll a d10. Seven. Oof. Okay, yeah, uh, roll a d10. Three. Okay, so you take three damage. Okay, yeah.

You hear the music and you step forward. You swing your mighty axe. Yeah. Where you hear this insidious orchestra coming from and you hack into the side of this thing. Your axe bites into the air. Mm-hmm. And it's suddenly appears before you. It's like ten feet long. Holy shit. Really thick around, like thick around as a man. Ugh. Ugh. And as you hack into it, it chomps onto your shoulder. Ugh! You don't feel it, thankfully, but you are still scared by this giant snake that's now biting you.

Yeah, and you hear Tech go, Eww, gross! And the music ceases, and it becomes completely visible. And then Tech goes, Ving, kill it! Oh my god. Yeah, Ving, uh, there's a giant snake on Tuck. Tech's rolling around. Yeah. Ving and Billy, you see this giant snake. Uh. I lunge at it and try to just, uh, take hold of its head and peel it off of Tuck. Okay, yeah, 2d6 plus strength, I think that would be. Like, it defy danger basically. Okay. Uh, ten. Ten, okay, yeah, you get it around like the jaws.

Yeah. You pry its mouth off Tuck's shoulder, and you're holding it as its tail starts to wrap around Tuck. Billy, your dads are both now holding this giant snake. Um, yeah. You see your dads locked in a wrestling match with this giant, thick snake. I don't know if I should be around for this. Don't leave us alone! I'm so torn. Uh, I guess I just stab? I don't know, hack and slash? Yeah, you can hack and slash, 2d6 plus strength. It's like immobilized, so you can get a, you can get a shot on it.

I don't wanna kill it, I feel bad for it. No, it sucks. I guess it's evil. It's evil! It's evil. And Tuck screams, it's racist, Billy! It's racist, Billy! Okay, so hack and slash is what is 2d6 plus strength. Strength? Seven. Uh, so you roll your damage. Oh. Five. Five. And then you roll a d10, Billy. For myself? For yourself, cause you got a seven to nine on hack and slash. Why so high? Because that's what we're dealing with. Oh shit. Ten? How much hit points do you have right now?

Twenty-one, I'm fine. Okay. Any armor? None. None. How does Billy attack it? You just run up and stab it? Yeah, I don't know what I'm doing. Like, I've never seen such a large animal. Mm-hmm. Not true. Francis is huge. You've seen dragons. You've seen such big animals. But in Billy's head he's saying, I've never seen such a huge animal. Yeah. Cause he's so afraid. Yeah. And he, uh… You look at us and we're like, stab it in the face, Billy. I go, okay.

And so I walk right up to it and I stick, I stab it. I'm trying to aim for its, like, inside its mouth, but I hit under its chin and as I do that, I don't know, it's like a thing goes into my arm cause I'm right there. And then I pull it out really fast. But I'm dragging my whole arm down the thing. Oh my god. And so now I've got this big gash in my arm. I go, AAAAAAAAHHHHH! Billy! And you're like, oh fuck! And you start bleeding. No, I'm so sure my blood is coming out.

And then your hand starts to feel numb. And then your forearm starts to feel numb. Oh my gosh. It bit off my arm. It ate my arm! It ate it! My arm's in its tummy right now. Tuck grabs the top of Billy's arm to, like, keep the vet from moving any further. Oh yeah. 2d6 plus wisdom, I guess. Motherfuck. See if that would work. You're basically making yourself a tourniquet. Uh, yeah, nine. Great, so you- I ate. Okay, good call. Billy, calm down. Just breathe.

I know it's hard to calm down when I'm saying calm down. He fainted. I got, yeah, ten. Okay, great. So, uh, basically like, Tuck takes one arm off of the snake to grab Billy's arm to kind of make a tourniquet with his fist. With his, just, fingers. Trying to be as gentle as possible. Yeah. So you stop the venom from moving. Yeah. But the snake starts to, like, buck against you. And then Ving just gets a firmer hold on it and stops it from getting away. But you're holding Billy who's passed out.

Yeah. The snake is wrapped around you, and you're, like, holding it with your thighs. And we're like, can somebody fucking kill this thing? What are you- What the fuck are you doing, Ben? It's hard to get a shot when all of you are on it. Billy wakes up, he goes, and then he stabs again. Okay. That's great because you're being, like, you're hung over it by Tuck basically. Yeah. Yeah. Seven plus strength, you said? Yeah. Seven. Okay. Oh, wait, Billy deals an extra D6 because of his winter form.

I fucking do! Oh, yes, you do! We forgot that. Yeah, so we'll do that now. Roll two extra D6s now. Yeah. Oh, wait, don't just listen to him. I am listening to him. I got seven. Seven. So you rolled a D6, you rolled a D6. And you need one more D6 to make it fair. To make up. To make it fair. Plus five, so- Yeah, this thing's dead if you want it to be dead. I make it dead. Yeah. Yeah. So you're, like, hung over it like a claw machine. Yeah.

And you just- When I wake up, my pupils widen all the way, and I get it right into its brain. And you, uh, you feel the, like, death throes of this giant snake as it sort of coils and uncoils and then drops to the ground. That's what you deserve for eating my arm. It's music silenced forever. And then it pukes all over Tuck. There's just, like, yeah, stuff just comes out of it. And it's dead.

And the Harriers who have been trying to get a shot this whole time are just, like, wow, amazed at your combat prowess. I rushed to Billy and put a poultice on his arm. Yeah, great. This is the kind of, like, injury that you get from, like, a broken slide at a swimming pool. You don't know where a slide is, like, kind of jagged at the bottom. Yeah. And in the 90s it was just, like, just try and miss that. Yeah, just… Yeah, don't not slide. Don't hit that part.

But every once in a while it would just be, like, fwoom! Oh my god. And it would just, like, cut all the way down your leg. Ugh. What's that? Billy's kind of embarrassed now. He's like, oh, I guess it wasn't that big a deal. I didn't, I didn't feel it really, so I didn't cry or anything. His eye, his face is so splotchy. I didn't cry. You didn't cry at all, actually. You were crying in your past, Ed. One thing I know for sure is how little I cried.

And, I mean, by way of adventure information, there's this big old snake with light-warping scales and paralytic venom lying on the ground. Yeah, might take a bunch of the venom. Yeah, you just, like, milk it out of the fangs. Gross. Or you grab, like, the gland, just like, cut that out. Can I fill… I have a pewter cup. Can I fill it with some of the scales? Yeah, absolutely. You can yank some scales off. And one of the Harriers comes up, looks like she was maybe a hunter before the war.

She's just like, oh, it's a good kill. Can you skin it for us? I was going to for myself. Okay. Can I have some of it? I suppose. Okay. Whoa, we, like, killed it. We killed it. You didn't fucking help at all. You were just gonna leave it here on K. If I didn't do anything, you were just gonna leave the scales. No, we weren't. You were gonna leave the hide and you know it. Please make me boots. Fine. She starts… She just, like, um…

Have you guys ever seen, like, a snake get skin where they just kind of, like, slice it down and then you just pull it off? She does that, but with, like, a ten-foot-long snake. Just yanks this big piece of scale off of it. She rolls up this hide, this snake skin, and tucks it into her bag. Is there any part of it that has… That contains the music? Is there a gland or is there an area? Amygdala? You know what? 2d6 plus intelligence, two spout.

What if it's got, like, weird vocal chords all down? Oh, cool. I like that. Between two bones? I got ten. Interesting and useful. You guys just tell me how it works. Yeah, it's those vocal chords, like, in different thicknesses, like a violin. Oh, if you pull it out, you know those, like, electric violins that have no body? It looks like one of those. That'd be cool if it was, like, this, like, weird bone shape like that and then inside were all the, like, tendons. Yeah.

There is a bone with cords many different kinds of vocal chords strung between it. Yeah. And that is how they make their music. Great. I wanna extrude that. Yeah, you can pull it out. It takes some doing. And now it's just a big piece of meat. The scales are gone. The venom's gone. Well, I mean, we might as well use this whole thing. Cook it up. The Harriers nod and agree. Like, they start cutting the meat off it and… Put it on a spit. And now you have, like, food for a while.

You've got fresh meat. Fresh snake meat. And a weird bone violin made of snake cords. Weird. Pan is, like, invasive. These creatures are invasive and dangerous. Thank you for doing your part. And also, if there is one in these woods, there are more, so we should perhaps continue. Keep your ears open. Keep your hearts strong. And he disappears into the trees. And, uh, you continue on your way. Yeah, we start running again. Yep. And you're following…

At this point you realize, like, the way the Harriers are going is matching up with the footprints that M4 has left behind. Mm-hmm. Perfect. Which means maybe you'll catch up. Which means, roll me some dice. I wanna see if you catch up. Just 2d6? Yeah, 2d6 plus… All of us? I guess Constitution to keep up. Okay. Yeah. It's going slower. Um, 11. Ooh. 11. 10. Okay. Fuck yeah.

You hustle on through the trees, following these footprints, and eventually you start to hear, like, a thump, thump, thump. Like, feel the reverberations through the ground. Mm. And ahead, you see M4. Like, creeping, basically, through the trees. He's started to slow down quite a lot. Mm. And he's being very careful. You can see him, like, inching around trees, trying to gently move some of them aside, and, like, cracking their roots out of the ground. Mm-hmm. But then putting them back, and…

Putting them back? He's, like, trying to straighten them. Oh. As he moves through. What? Um, but there he is. That's cute. And the Harriers back off. Yeah. Just keep your distance. He knows the dress of the enemy. We'll let you handle this. Um, yeah. I kinda wanna put some Hibernio water in and see what it does. Oh, cool. Interesting. Like, into his boiler? Very interesting. Yeah, when it's, like, like, imbued with spirit energy. Yeah. To awaken its inner spirit. Mm-hmm.

That's a very interesting idea. Or, like, coalesce the spirits that are within it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I wonder if that would work. That's very smart. Mm-hmm. But you'd have to get close to it first. Okay. Alright, and you start, um, I imagine, like, it's quite dark. In this part of the wood. The canopy is thick. The trees are varying in their closeness, so it's, uh, it's not the most open place in the world, but he's reached a spot where there's, like, a large rock jutting up out of the ground.

Mm. And it looks like you can see, like, poof, poof, poof, like, irregular puffs of steam. Mm. And he almost puts, he, like, rests his hammer against the cliff. Mm. Like, he's leaning against it. Mm. He's tired? Like, it looks like he's, he looks like an old man going, like, oh, boy. Aw. So, there's quite a lot of stairs at this, uh, outback steakhouse. Mm-hmm. Um, so it's leaning, it's resting. I, yeah, I wanna go up to him gently from the other side and let him know that a mechanic is coming.

Oh, so you're trying to get in front of him and be like, hey, buddy. Yeah. Okay, that is probably a charisma, 2d6 plus charisma. Billy and Tuck, what do you, what is your approach? I'm gonna hang back, but be close. I'll hang back a little bit, same. Okay. Eight. Eight, seven to nine. You approach from the front, like, hands up, kind of. M4, stand down.

And its head spins to, like, the long distance lens and points right at you and it brings, like, its fist and its hammer up, but it doesn't attack. What do I hear inside? It is scared, it will strike, is what your, what is imparted to you. Hmm. Basically, back off. I won't come any closer. It requires fuel. I do not have fuel, but I have something else. M4 imparts to you, it will help. Thing says it, I think it could. Okay, 2d6 plus charisma again. This is like a parlay, maybe. What'd you get?

Ten. Oh! Nice. Very nice. And seeing that you are a mechanic and you are offering maintenance, basically, M4 stands down. Like, it sort of straightens up and you hear hissing as pistons, like, bring the arms in, like, collapse the forearms a little bit and its torso compacts and it kind of hunches over. Makes, like, a ladder with his arms. Yeah, exactly. And, like, a hatch pops open on the back. Okay. Yeah. Take it easy, I don't know what this is gonna do.

I go up and I, there's a part of the boiler, I'm gonna replace the water with a jar of hibernia water. Okay. I think this might also be, this is like a defy danger wisdom. Like, is this a good idea kind of roll? But I, I'm very curious. Uh-oh. Okay, ten. Oh, okay. Then, the question that I have is, like, what is the hibernian water doing to the spirits that are captured in the construction of this mech? They are decoding the learned part of the mech. Mm-hmm.

They're allowing the natural elements to speak together. They're amplifying the song that is the elements. Yeah. And they're, the coding of the machine is being dampened. So the spirits are basically taking control of M4. Mm-hmm. Cool. So you pour this water into the boiler and it works its way into the systems of the warmac. You close the hatch and M4 reactivates. The, the pistons start going, the boiler starts pumping away, and, uh, he begins to stand.

Its arms unfold, its torso extends, it stands up, and then it rolls its shoulders. Mm. That's cool. And kind of, like, tips to one side. And then M4 says, thank you. And that's where we're gonna end it for this week. I've been your Game Master, Sean O'Hara. Joining me as always, playing Tacoma Dome, the Barbarian, Abdulaziz. It's so sick. I'm, I'm so sick. I'm so happy we have an Iron Giant now. I love him. Playing Ving the Half-Elf Druid, Paul Oppers. Take care.

Playing Fat Billy the Halfling Thief, Jessica Tai. Bye, everyone! Thank you to Aaron Reid for our intro and outro music. I really recommend you check out Aaron's original music at aaronreid.bandcamp.com and also check out all the music produced for the show on Spotify. Thank you to all of our Susporters around the world. Without you, we simply would not be able to do this show.

Uh, if you want a Susport, and in return get access to a bunch of cool bonus content, like an up-to-date Mall Brats feed, merch, writing, gift boxes, games run by Abdul and myself, live streams, and more, check us out at patreon.com slash speltlore or speltlore.com slash money, please. And if you like speltlore, you should check out the public release of our other show, Mall Brats. That's available on Spotify, iTunes, wherever you get your podcasts.

And if you like either show, please leave us a review. Reviews mean a lot to us, and mean a lot to people finding the show. And if you leave a review for the show, maybe we'll read it on air. Like this review from Aces and Cats, Beautiful and Perfect. Extremely well-built story with lots of fun shenanigans. Brought to life by a very talented cast of comedians and storytellers. So glad the world gets to enjoy it. Thank you so much. Uh, there's a review from Rita Human, uh, of Mall Brats.

Where have these adorable gremlin kids been all my life? I love them all so much already. I would've put them in my pocket, and peek in on their antics whenever I need to cheer myself up. Thank you, Rita. We got any other reviews? Uh, this one says, My favorite podcast ever. I always know that I'm going to have fun when listening to Spout Lore. Humorous and heartfelt, this show is an epic journey of three friends. And Sean. Wow! Thank you so much. Holy shit. That was hilarious. What a gift.

Hair perp. Yeah. Thanks, perp. Thank you so much. See you later, everybody. Bye. Bye-bye. Bye. Bye.