Episode 13 – The Plains

It's a new theme song today on this episode of the spell lord last time on spell lord if I see that guy again I swear to god I'm gonna kill him you can't kill him he's your brother yeah well there's and then I'm gonna find that motherfucker I'm gonna blow his ass up uh you tell that guy that this town this part of town is my part of town spell lord is filmed a lot before a live studio audience gather round friends let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold a brute a druid and a thief who is but nine years old you know them by name you know them by deep their quests are famously daring so here I sit singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing tuck is the brute he knows not his home he loves to sing and fight fingers half healthy shifts his shape and wields a spear with great mind billy's a thief his tiny size does max the largest heart best and brightest they may not be but their friendship outweighs their smarts so gather round friends and listen close for the tale's about to start welcome back to spell or everybody I'm your game master Sean O'Hara and I'm sorry that our show is not as cool as the show that I just pitched you with that last time on spell or segment there are 100 fewer motorcycles when last we left our hero ving vang zumba the half-elf druid he found himself stranded in the spirit realm with nary a friend in sight besides three friendly sarcastic dopey pushover spirits in the form of elk hey everybody played by abdulaziz polar bear played by jessica tie and owl great news we're back played by mark robertson when they found each other being the representations of the spirits that ving most often took the form of they talked through how they could help ving get back to the material plane and they determined that wind would be the spirit to talk to because wind might know of a mysterious individual called alternatively the ghost pirate or the sailor or whatever who appears to be a person that can travel between the spirit realm and the material plane seemingly at will so they traveled up mountain and had a great time getting shit talked by the spirit of avalanche they met eagle because ving had a mishap yeah with shape-shifting and after eagle was released from the gross halfway transformation that they shared with ving they said that eagles would no longer answer ving's call it's a real shame it's a real shame they made it up over mountain got a good beautiful look at the vistas of the spirit realm and saw smoke in the grasslands where owl has said that wind is most often found with fire and they believe that that is where wind is now and as they came down the mountain they were met by wolf and the mishap and that is where we return to the action and coming off the heels of the failure that polar bear rolled last session you have wolf standing above you on a rock looking down saying oh hi polar bear nice to see you again oh yeah nice to see you too man looking it was a good how you just you just did I was being sarcastic yeah oh you were being sarcastic too yeah it wasn't that good we're both being sarcastic and I'm being sarcastic too yeah I'm being sarcastic too yeah I'm being sarcastic too sarcastic to each other then yeah well you know I am not happy to see you I am also not happy to see you either and then from far away I'm like hey are you guys still being sarcastic hey somebody go deal with elk polar bear we're not done yet and then uh they coil up they crouch down and they jump right on you and they lap they chomp right onto your neck hey rah you feel the teeth of wolf clamp into your flesh what do you do I stand up to my full height really fast oh yeah give me a 2d6 plus strength do they 13 13 yeah that's that is good yeah so polar bear just stands up on their hind legs yeah I'm like eight feet tall or something hell yeah hell yeah and do you just throw wolf off of you wolf sails off your neck and slams into the rock that they jumped off of and uh is starting to pick themselves up off the ground what do you do I'm going to like jump around and face him and I'm going to bound towards him you get the opportunity to attack because wolf is disoriented by being thrown so hard into that rock so give me a hack and slash which is also 2d6 plus strength you got a seven okay great so with the seven you you deal damage to your opponent but they also deal damage to you oh so you do take another point of view and you're going to be able to damage what do you do to wolf I what do polar bears do I take a huge swipe at his face so wolf is like picking themselves up off the ground and you just wham right in uh their snout and they uh smack back against the rock that they were laying against but another member of the pack jumps right on your back as you're doing that and uh starts raking at you on your back so you are injured and you do a bear do a bear sound I don't know how bears sound no that's exactly what they sound like when they get hurt and then they immediately second guess themselves yeah I think bears are probably very self-conscious and elk you have been running away you can get away ving you can get away with elk owl you are close enough that you could just leave but polar bear needs also I'm just gonna scream at wolf like what the shit boys just take this easy who's uh who's your friend your friend's here owls here guys I can hook you guys up oh okay you're gonna try and there are a couple wolves like snapping at polar bear and wolf is pissed off because they just got like slammed against this rock what are you offering guys look hungry guys like hungry guys still hungry last time remember last time I hooked you guys up with that salmon I jumped with salmon last time we're always hungry duck remember I brought duck in here duck was just walking around had no idea what was going on boom we remember remember a trifle I don't know if I can I don't know if trifle is I can get custard what is this custard I can get custard I can get that jam stuff that goes in the middle but the uh the whipped cream on the top is the tough part enough of your human foods you interact with them too often guys chicken chicken would be good chicken would be good yeah yeah we have eaten chicken before we would eat chicken again chicken better chance you're gonna eat chicken than polar bear the wolf that you're talking to starts salivating like you're gonna eat chicken you can see just saliva pouring out of their mouth and polar bear where you're like fighting you're kind of swiping keeping them back they all start salivating and they're both they're all just like chicken chicken I have an idea can I uh call upon the spirit of the chicken I don't care if I ever turn into a chicken again okay uh but first roll a parlay 2d6 plus charisma owl 9 11 11 all right so you need to give them a chicken and they will they're like if you deliver us chicken we will cease the attack but only when you deliver us chicken I don't know if I can really see chicken from up here and I look over to I look over to my new friend 2d6 plus wisdom six all right yeah great that is a failure um yeah mark a point of experience one ghost experience uh okay so okay so on the other hand I'm gonna give you a chicken and I'm gonna give you a chicken and I'm gonna give you a chicken and I'm gonna give you a chicken and I'm gonna give you a chicken failure you like you start you you're trying to do the thing you usually do the chicken dance contact yeah you're making a chicken you're doing a chicken dance and like a magnet you feel in a direction something pulling and the wolves are like chicken yeah we love chicken and there's just kind of silence but then you hear and through the trees and the rocks this chicken just comes tearing ass like thor's hammer it's in the air and it hits you dead center in the chest and uh elk you kind of turn your head and you see ving's arms and legs getting sucked into this chicken like a water balloon through a hole just like and uh then all of a sudden there is a chicken on your back and ving take me back take me back didn't he fail the roll though yeah which is why chicken is in control oh okay chicken's like what the and they see the chicken looks at wolf and goes and starts running down the side of the mountain just like wings flapping feathers floating around in the air and ving you're like just along watching the video yeah I'm being chicken milkovich here being chicken and the chicken is just gone and the wolves are like chicken and they all start tearing ass after chicken and I'm saying it's working just keep running chicken just keep running oh I guess I gotta run after chicken too it's just gone yeah so okay so polar bear you start you take off after chicken uh give me a 2d6 plus dexterity 12 okay there you go so um why is polar bear just wanting to save ving or is it like I don't want these wolf assholes to get what they want no I I have a feeling that ving is in chicken and I'm I gotta save that chicken yeah so you you just barrel through everybody and uh the wolves are pretty fast but this is like a barrel of chicken and I'm like I gotta save that chicken and I'm like I gotta save that chicken and I'm like I gotta save that chicken running when they do that weird gallop and it's just you're pounding down this mountain trail parting wolves as you run they're snapping at you you're just slapping them away and you're catching up to chicken okay elk owl what do you do oh oh no somebody saved that poor chicken elk what do you do I go okay so do you run after give him a thumbs up with my hoof like you can't but he knows they have like three part hoof so like one part of the hoof goes up I was like I'll do it and so you take off as well yeah 2d6 plus dexterity six seven eight okay so you are pounding down the mountain trail as well you're not getting as far ahead as uh polar bear is that's probably a good thing I don't want to be in a pack of wolves yeah good point good point ving what do you do you are inside chicken well I'm gonna try and uh um jump uh back to polar bear and get on polar bear because he's my best chance you're gonna try and take control of chicken I would like to yeah uh let's give me a can I reason with chicken I mean what do I need okay parlay with chicken chicken's just like run run run run you know what chicken runs a great movie I'm into it let's keep going chicken is is is moving so you're just gonna let chicken do do its thing well I mean yeah yeah it's just an unbroken litany of run run run run run run run run run uh polar bear you've you're in middle of a pack and you're just behind chicken what do you do uh chicken chicken uh I'm not I'm not here to eat you uh just uh I want my friend back can you just like hop on my back just like batting wolves out of the way chicken it's okay don't worry I'm not here to eat you I promise I know it sounds like I'm lying but I promise I had a pretty big lunch okay um 2d6 plus are you trying to parlay or is this just a defining yeah I'm trying to parlay okay so you're offering like safety yeah is it with charisma it is with charisma cool so 13 13 all right uh so wait 14 nice so chicken uh looks behind like with the sideways eye kind of turns back like and sees the wolf like a wolf snapping at it and it's like flapping its wings and then you get closer yeah so you scoop chicken up and chicken latches on yeah right onto the top of your head cool so now there's just a chicken on the top of your head wings going crazy in the air behind it and then tail feathers like can he lay an egg can we can we have a read yeah on the chicken laying an egg please and a egg pops out of its butt cloaca wait is that where eggs come from yeah it all comes out of the same thing right with a chicken you're looking at me like I know an egg's pussy you live on a farm oops uh an egg comes out of the chicken uh an egg comes out of the chicken and the wolves are like chicken snap snap snap snap snap but you're kind of getting ahead yeah um how's the terrain rocky downhill can I do something crazy yeah and I uh take a sharp right I assumed down downhill and do my polar bear like slip and slide down the mountain okay yeah try to get away yeah yeah yeah just trying to like juke and jive and get out of the way yeah yeah yeah that does it uh 2d6 plus dexterity seven seven so you're trying to like you're looking around trying to figure out a good way to get out of here and you see that the way ahead is a little bit treacherous down the mountain it might be pretty dangerous you might lose chicken you might hurt yourself but also to your left hand side you see the mouth of a cave that you know would be pretty easy to get into so you can either take your chances going down this like pretty steep and dangerous side of the mountain or you can head for the cave I'll take the mountain okay you're gonna really bang yourself out of the cave bang yourself up going down there and now you're gonna start taking a minus one okay because you feel the strength of your spirit start to ebb away a tiny bit as happens with all spirits they don't have physical bodies they're the rep well technically they don't they're the representations of beings and you're starting to feel your grip on that go away maybe you're becoming less polar bear maybe you're becoming more of this weird dopey person that that is uh expressed through polar bear who knows maybe that is maybe the death of all spirits is the the loss of their representation and the encroaching of humanity they become tame they become tame they become less wild they become less themselves oh man man some real spiritual shit uh and you also have a chicken on your head and it's going calm down uh an elk you're hauling ass down the side as you're running down you're like all right I'm coming guys and polar bear just goes over the side of the cliff all the wolves skid to a halt what do you do I I I stop like before you do that I'm like I'm gonna go for the wolves and I'm like uh what are the chances that you guys kind of just like let me go around the easy way the wolves turn around go no chicken and they look at each other and they say elk maybe and they look back at you what do you do I just go fuck me and they all start running and I uh I put my antlers down and charge hell yeah that's tight okay uh 2d6 me are you trying to um fuck them up or are you trying to just get through I'm charging through to get to the to the edge of the cliff okay do you think that would be a strength or like a constitution are you trying to do damage are you trying to just make it through I no I don't want to do it's not in my nature to want to do damage it is in my nature to want to get away right okay so that would be a 2d6 plus constitution okay eight plus 11 11 plus 11 my god I rolled 11 I rolled an 11 and an 8 incredible uh yeah so that's an 11 so that is an unmitigated success you are going to take one spiritual damage as a wolf snaps at your leg hell but your antlers just plow through this pack knocking them aside sorry and they're just like and uh you come to the edge of the cliff and I jump and I turn around as I jump like slow-mo like I jump over the edge of the cliff and it's like and you can see like the sun glinting off my antlers and I like do a twist in the air and I look back at the wolves and I give them like a double like double middle fingers as I like fall backwards and I'm like I'll fuck your mother so when you and then I do the peace sign I'm like elk forever when when you do the jump like when you're when the sun is glinting off your antlers the sun is like nice and then and then you then the sun hears you say I'll fuck your mothers and goes weak and the eagles in the background no no uh and so you jump no wait you jump and then you do the peace sign and I'm like elk forever eagle flies behind me as I yeah makes it look so fucking majestic yeah and then makes a crappy noise fucks it up I already fucked your mother eagle soars behind you and is like I look beautiful oh an audience yes case upon the splendor of eagle it's always all about eagle I'm sad that your eagle's a spirit that we're never gonna see again cause doing that voice is a lot of fun he I don't think he can he will ever not show up he's gonna come back he's gonna come through to the material plane so he can keep having people look at him I didn't mean ever ever I just meant when I chose not to great so uh one issue is that you decided to jump and instead of keeping your feet facing the ground where you would land safely you turned around and uh stuck up your middle finger, which you do not have.

Yeah, but they got it. And so you're just like, I am so tight. I am the dopest spirit living. And then wham! I just start rolling. Ragdoll. Yeah, ragdoll limbs all over. Ow! Ow! Oh! Oh, fuck! So take a point of damage as you just slam into the side of the mountain and start rolling. And Polar Bear, you're like, you've shaken it off. You're running and chicken's like, mark! And then you see elk just roll by you. Dude! What are you doing? It looked sick! It wasn't worth it! And Owl, you're fine.

You're flying. Did you see that? Oh, hey, we made it, guys. We all made it. We made it through together. We're all safe. Everything's great. And by the way, you're welcome. And you hear Wolf, you hear the pack in the distance take up a howl. What did the pack think of the whole move? They were furious. They're like, I cannot believe, one, that chicken got away. And two, the elk thought that he got one over on us somehow. That was the dumbest thing we've ever seen.

And now we have to sit here and watch Eagle do Shakespeare. But the worst part is that elk thinks that that's a win for them. That we lost and they won. He might be dead. Yeah, and now Eagle's here. And Eagle's just like, oh, hello. Have you seen my plumage? It's particularly brilliant this time. There's 200 of them at the edge of this cliff. Good evening, everyone. Thank you for coming. And now I will tell you the story of how I bested trout.

I soared through the skies, magnificent as ever, my wings strong, my plumage straight and white. That was the style of the time. Ever on the forefront of fashion, as I am, my beak sharp, razor sharp. Man, I almost wish that I could just get… There's going to be a person in the material world that has been possessed by the spirit of Eagle. And they're going to be such a piece of shit. How dare you not recognize me? Desire. Edward the ski jumper. So you all make it to an air…

No, that was a really good joke. Eddie the Eagle reference? Yeah, that was great. He was a skier. Whatever. Mark, don't play dumb. Mark, fuck you. So you all make it to an area of relative safety. Ving, the chicken body that you are in, they've calmed down. Chicken has relaxed a little bit. I can talk to chicken. I'm a spirit talker. Totally. Just like, what do you need? And chicken's like, I don't like this either. I don't like having you in here. This is very uncomfortable for me.

Okay, well, I don't know how it works on this side. The Eagle just left when he had… Oh, I got whacked. Polar bear! Um… Yeah, so they're like, you can't hear you. You're inside my body. Polar bear. Polar bear. Wait, wait, wait. Polar bear. Shut up. Hey, polar bear. Oh, yeah? The guy inside me is saying that if I want to be free, and if he wants to be free, you have to… Hit me really hard. Hit me really hard? I smack him. Okay. But not as hard. Yeah, give me… Okay, yeah. Defy…

Defy danger strength. Eight. Eight, okay. So you… Just clamp your paw down on Chicken's tail feathers and just bring back a paw and whap him. This hurts me more than it hurts you. And then you come shooting out of Chicken's body. Where? Which part of the body do I come shooting out of? Just like Chicken's beak opens. Oh, he's going to lay me. Can he lay me? Okay. So Chicken's like… And just pops up off the ground. Ving has like a chicken on his head. Oh, yeah. I had to pull him around.

And so since it was a seven to nine result, Ving, you left something in there. Oh. What did not come out of Chicken with you? My bus pass. Damn it. Ah, crap. Okay, you actually… It's the 30th though, right? Yeah, you would have had to get a new one anyways. So what did you leave behind? I don't know. I lost my crocodile's teeth. Okay. So Chicken hits the ground and is like… And gets up and fluffs up its feathers.

And you see, all of you, that Chicken is now sporting a row of razor sharp teeth. Oh. Like chomps its beak a couple times. And it's like… Does that mean that chickens in the real world now have crocodile's teeth? Because this is… Oh, God. That's… This is probably… I mean, it looks cool. It actually looks very, very, very cool. But this can't stay like this. And Chicken's like… And runs off into the… Well… Starts running away.

Fingers crossed that there's no negative repercussions of that. Yeah, and Chicken's gone. And you're all safe. And you are pretty close to the base of Mountain now. Okay. I'm going to throw Ving on my back and be like, no more of this. This was demeaning. And you all… You keep heading down Mountain. Are we getting close to the edge of the plane? You are. You absolutely are. So it is a relatively quiet journey. Night falls. And then a little bit later, the sun rises.

Because moon left and sun arrived. And then it gets dark again for a little bit. And then sun… And they're kind of having a little back and forth thing where they're having a little… They're having a good time up above. Yeah. They're being very physically affectionate with one another. You see… Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. It's a lot like PDA. I'm not into that kind of stuff. Then there's an eclipse. Ugh. God damn it. Look away. You can't look directly at it. You'll go blind. So, yeah, that was great.

That was great. That was you. You did that. Huh? The eclipse. That's the anal of celestial events. Whoa. Nobody else at this table was thinking that. When Elk said anal, Ving started making one of those little boxes that you can look at the eclipse with. As fast as he can. Now, I heard you'll go blind. That's what I heard. I… Uh… So, you descend the rest of the way down the base of mountain. And…

Ving, this is another experience where you see how quickly the environment shifts in the spirit world. You walk and you get to the edge of a grassland. The grass is about waist high. It's pretty tall in the plains. And you start walking through the grass. And then you look back. And you are way deeper into the plains than you would have expected. Like, you've only been walking for a little bit. And you're so far into this grassland.

And the three of you, Elk, Owl, and Polar Bear, is this a place that you have spent a lot of time, the three of you? I imagine that you've been here before. It seems like you're pretty wide-ranging spirits. I've been here, but I don't like to come here very often. Why is that? Well, I don't like leaving the snow. What is a threat in the grassland that Polar Bear has encountered before? Snake. Oh, snake.

Yeah, snake makes their home in the grassland because there's a lot of area for them to roam and hunt. And they can stay out of sight pretty easily. You see off in the distance, you see smoke pluming up from… The horizon of the grasslands. And you see fire start to lick up from this one area. And you hear wind rushing and howling. You see the smoke blowing around and billowing all over the place. And you know that if you want to talk to wind, that is the direction that you should go in.

Like, we have to talk to wind, right? I think we want to… We want to talk to wind. We're not too… I mean, wind is there. Fire, if we can stay away from fire and not have to deal with fire and not have to… Yeah, you're… Owl, you're really good at, like… You know wind. You know how to, like, get things out of people. Yeah. Do you have anything on wind? Fire will always pull wind along with it. Wind will always push fire.

When they're together, they just aid each other, work each other up. So you need some way to separate them. We're on the grass, burning the grass. We can push them somehow, push fire, push wind towards the margin of the grass. And we can get to the edge and separate the wind. And catch the wind as the wind passes on to its next location. When it's distracted from the fire, when it's separated from the fire, when they stop working together, then we can deal with wind.

But until he's working with fire and they're working together, there's not really much we can do. So we have to lure the fire to the edge of the plains? Yeah, that makes sense. Great. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. So what is your plan for luring fire? Fire likes to burn the things that are easy to burn. Sometimes the things that are a little harder to burn. Sometimes the things are a little more fun to burn. So right now, grass, big tall grass, that's easy. That's fun.

Something that's a little more interesting, a little more challenging, a little more rewarding to burn. We could tease them, tease fire with that. That might be something. Are you allowed to use the character's nature to hunt? Like I'm a hunter. So can I hunt what I wouldn't usually? But like if I hunted wind, like if I chased wind to chase fire? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I think that that makes sense. Okay. Yeah. So 2d6 plus wisdom. Okay. And are you explaining your plan?

You're like, I'm just going to hunt them down. I'm going to hunt wind. And I have some input on that plan. Sure. Because I know the ways to go. Probably the best place to push fire would be the dust bowl. Like if we got fire and wind moving towards the dust bowl, and we got fire crossing over into dust bowl territory, fire would go out and it would just be wind. I was thinking a way that we could maybe hurt it because it's eating, it's feeding off the grass.

I was thinking a way that we could maybe hurt it because it's eating, it's feeding off the grass. The only thing I've ever seen control fire other than wind are things like you. You can pick fire. You can move pieces of fire. You can take a fire from one place and keep it and control it and then open it up in another place. It's the only thing, the only place I've ever seen that happen is things like you. I wish I had my bus pass. That was so dramatic for a second. Oh man. My bus. My bus pass.

I really missed that thing. But you know what? We don't know what a bus pass is, so we're like, wow. That's my bus pass. I wish you did have your bus pass. Owl, you're a genius. Can I grab the driest grass around me and wrap it around the tip of my spear? Okay. And start, hop off a polar bear and run towards fire. Okay. Polar bear, you're going to hunt down wind to sort of get the scent for that spirit. And Ving is going to try and distract fire.

And elk is going to, I guess, guide it to, like once the distraction is made, I'll pick up Ving and then we'll bolt for the dust bowl. Okay. And if I see anything going wrong with this plan at any point, I'll make sure to point it out. Excellent managerial skills. I really like it. So we'll start with. Real Colonel Dan. Wait, we got an admission statement? Everyone agree? You guys need a communications plan? Set some metrics? Yeah. How are we going to measure success? If we trap wind.

If we trap wind. That would be the measure of success. All right. All right. Put that. So the, uh, the mission statement is we will trap wind. Yes. And the measure of success. Yeah. The measure of success is wind is trapped. Wind is trapped. Okay. And a failure would be if we all burn in a fire. Yeah. Or I was going to say break wind, but yeah, that makes sense. More sense. This is great. I mean, I know it seems like we're wasting a little bit of time.

It seems like we're wasting time upfront, but this is really going to help us as we, uh, we're really just trying to kill time to get like to the one hour mark. Oh my God. Uh, okay. So we're going to start with polar bears hunting role. So two D six plus wisdom. So it's a six. Okay. That's fine. Uh, and then we'll, so we'll do things, uh, two D six, and then I'll just sort of, we'll talk about the whole thing. Uh, 11. Okay. And elk. Nine. Okay. So seven to nine, uh, success and a failure.

You're so polar bear is trying to hunt down wind. You're trying to catch the scent like, so to speak of the spirit of wind. And you're, um, moving slowly forward and running alternately. Like when you think it's safe and you've got an opening and you're all getting closer to this fire. That is fire is not enormous right now. Like it's just hungrily burning grass here and there, but it's still sort of subdued and wind is swirling around and, and egging fire on.

And, and polar bear gets close to wind. You feel like you've got like a jump on it. And you're like, all right, when he doesn't even see me, stupid wind, gotcha. And you jump out. And so what does polar bear do when you like get the jump on wind? Polar bear has been like stalking low in the grass. Cause he, he'd be seen either, um, like otherwise. And so he like, he pokes his nose out. He does, he does the thing polar bears shouldn't do. He poked his nose out to get a good whiff. Yeah.

And to say something. And then wind changed direction. Yeah. So wind, like, you got close enough to wind that wind realized that it was being hunted by you. And it was like, whoa. Whoa. Nice try, polar bear. You can't hunt the wind. And it starts, like, whipping around, like, away from you. And as it moves, it's like, you never catch wind. Nobody can ever catch wind. I'm free. Free like the wind. So stupid. And I go, bird. It's like, I'm so free. You can never catch me. Look.

And it's, like, it's whipping up more and more. Like, yeah, I'm so great. And as it does that, fire whips up with it. So fire starts getting bigger and bolder. And you hear fire going, consume. Consume. And it's burning up more and more grass. And the fire is spreading and getting larger. And then you run up, like, to the end. And you're on the edge of one of those conflagrations. And you just whip your spear through it. Yeah. And the grass starts burning. And you hop on the back of elk.

And what do you do? We start galloping towards the dust bowl. Yeah. With the spear in the grass. Oh, you're, like, leading it along a burn line, basically? Yeah. Sick. Yeah, yeah. Fucking sick. That looks pretty cool, you guys. Yeah, I call up to how I'm like, does this look cool? Way to hit those milestones, guys. Yes. And fire is. And fire. I'm, like, hauling at top speed. Yeah, yeah, totally. You did get a seven to nine, though. I'm hauling at medium speed. So, you can, you know that.

So, fire is burning at an angle as it follows you. And you know that if you keep going towards the dust bowl, it's going to burn you a bit. But if you turn away from where you want it to go, you would avoid harm. I'm, like, feeling emboldened. Like, that fall off the mountain. I was like, fuck yeah. Yeah, elk. I'm the fucking man. So, I'm going to, like, try and jump over the fire. Yeah. When it, like, cuts in. Uh-huh. I'm going to try and, like, leap over it. Okay. Like, fucking John Wick.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, John Wick famously jumping over fires. Kind of his main thing. John Wick, chapter three, camp dead. Free John Wick. Oh, hell no. Hate those rabbits. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. For two hours. So, fire cuts in as you're making this burn line. And starts to swing around you in the plains. And you leap over it. So, yeah. Give me a defy danger. Dexterity. Seven. Seven. You get a little burn on your feet. And you take one. You just take one point.

As you jump over fire, like, grabs at your feet. Like, I'm going to consume you. But it was, like, a little arm of it. So, it wasn't very loud. No. And you singe it. And it burns you. And it just starts roaring behind you as it tries to follow you to the edge of the dust bowl. Owl, what are you doing? Well, first, wait. Did that jump look cool, Owl? It was probably one of the coolest. I mean, compared to the last jump where you fell on your back and almost killed yourself. Yeah.

It looked very, very, very cool. I mean, execution, completion, everything. I'll give it top scores. Sick. Spectacular. So, what's Owl doing while this is all happening? Judging. Judging. Judging. So, is… Is Polar Bear in any danger now? Funny you should ask. Polar Bear, you are in some kind of danger. Oh, no. Because fire is getting, like, is basically reacting to wind's more rambunctious movements and is reacting in kind and getting larger and burning.

So, the grass is starting to burn around you and starting to close in. What are you doing? Oh, no. I wrote down icebreaker earlier. What does that mean? Well, because, like, when he's hunting and he needs to break the ice, he can split things. Whoa. That's super dope. Yeah. So, Polar Bear would use that nature of, like, breaking through things to achieve goals to split the fire? Mm-hmm. Just to get out. In my mind, that is too dope to say no to. Yes.

He just, like, slams the ground with his big, meaty paws. Yeah. And the fire splits. That's so cool. So, 2d6 plus strength. Cool. Eight. Yeah. So, that's a seven to nine success. Shit. Woo. Cool. So, describe how Polar Bear does this. Give me the action replay. Well, he gets on his hind legs and then he comes down hard on his front paws and the shockwave splits fire for a moment just long enough for him to get free. Yeah. That's so cool. So, it's just boom.

And the fire breaks in front of you and Polar Bear zips through. As you're doing this, you're, like, taking advantage of your opening. You see that wind is starting to leave. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Seeing the way that the grass is blowing and the fire is moving, that wind is, like, I'm free. I go wherever I want. So, you need to do something if you want wind to stick around. What do you do?

I mean, owls have, so they've got some ability. I'm trying to think of some awesome move that sounds like Polar Bears. Oh, it sounds like Icebreaker? Yeah. Yeah. That's a cool name. Windraker. Oh. I was just going to say Leafraker. Leafraker would be a cool name for a thing. It would be. So, yeah, as an owl, they've got this sort of, what do they call it? Wings. No, they have this ability to, they have wings. They have this ability to hover.

They have this ground effect ability that they can sort of hover on this wave of this, this, like. Yeah, like a cushion of air sort of thing. A cushion of air. Yeah. But it's also this ability to, like, move large amounts of air and create something that's like a wind effect. So, I'm going to try and push with my temporary version of wind, try and push wind back. So that it's more contained. Sweet. Yeah, that sounds great.

So, give me a 2d6 plus, I guess probably strength because it's like the strength of your wings. Trying to blow it back. Yeah. 35. Five. Okay. So, you start flapping at wind like, no, go over here. And, in fact, wind is pretty incensed that you would even suggest. Wind is like, I give you the power to fly. You can't contain wind. No one contains wind. Wind is free. Okay. Okay. Sorry. Wind starts whipping around you. Oh. And just whips you right into the ground. Oh, shit. Just wham.

Right on the edge between the dust bowl and the planes. Like, she throws you out of the grasslands. So, you take a point of damage. And you see wind soar off into the spirit realm, off into the dust bowl, and up into the sky. Oh, dang. And, meanwhile, Elk and Ving, fire is raging now. Even without wind? Without wind, it's, like, angrier. It's just consuming everything. Because the fuel that it got from winds blowing, it now has to get from everything around it.

So, it's just burning up stuff here and there. It's burning everything that it can get. It's like getting hotter and hotter and hotter. Yeah, exactly. But you are at the edge of the dust bowl where there is much less for fire to burn. So, fire is remiss. It's not interested in going into the dust bowl, but burning up the rest of the planes. Polar Bear, you pound through the opening that you made. With your paws and Ving and Elk, you are in the dust bowl.

And fire is at the edge, sort of licking into the dust bowl, trying to burn things up. And the edge starts to blacken and crisp and crack. And the earth underneath is cracking and sundering. But fire can't get very far in. Fire is like, okay, I'll consume you next time. And continues to rage on the planes. And you're just staring at this wall of flame that can't do anything to you. But you are in the dust bowl. Welcome to the dust bowl, boys. Sunday, Sunday, Sunday. Welcome to the dust bowl.

We got some dust. We got some flames. So, Elk, you know. So, you all know that this is not the way that you would have liked to go. And now wind is gone. Polar Bear, you know that the dust bowl used to be a beautiful place. Used to be a tundra. Sorry, I was thinking like a lush place. But, of course, a tundra would be beautiful to Polar Bear. Used to be a beautiful place. Yeah, it was a tundra. You know who used to live here? Seal. Oh, my God. Fat, juicy Seal.

What was your favorite song by Seal? He was a good musician. What was your favorite song? Oh, it was. Kiss me. Beneath the milky twilight. Lead me. And move the sun moon. Drinking prayers. Six pence, none the richer. Yeah, Bing is like, that's a real song. Did Seal sing that in the spirit world? So, yeah, this used to be a tundra. Used to be a beautiful tundra with Rocky. As we walk through fields of gold. Used to be a beautiful tundra. And. You really happy with that? I like it. I like it.

It's a great song. Yeah, so this used to be a. Have less to raise. This is a great bit where we can't get through the rest of the episode because you keep singing. I'm sorry. Guys, let's turn this into a musical. All right, fine. Rest of the show is a musical. So. I didn't see that coming. I didn't know that was about to happen. I didn't see that coming. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. This used to be a beautiful place.

It used to be a tundra. Ice and snow and rocky shores as far as the eye can see. Sounds like home. Yeah. The ice went away. The snow went away. Even the ocean went away. And now it's just this. It's just dust. It's rocky canyons. What happened? Fire came. Fire came and burned it all up. Melted all the snow. One particularly rough day for fire. And it all went away. The snow and the ice just melted. Snow thought, forget this. I'm heading to cooler climbs. This isn't worth it for me.

And the ocean just thought, well, there will be more shore elsewhere. And then, most insulting of all, wasp moved in. And you know that the Dust Bowl is now primarily the realm of wasp. And that's when you hear the buzzing. And that's where we're going to end it for this week. This has been Spout Lore. I'm your Game Master, Sean O'Hara. With me, playing Ving, the half-elf druid. Paul Loppers. Still so nice to have you back, Paul. Welcome. So good. And playing Elk, Abdulaziz. Hey, bye. Later.

Playing Polar Bear, Jessica Tai. Bye, everyone. Playing Owl, Mark Robertson. Seriously, great work today, everybody. Thanks to Aaron Reid of Vancouver's Sunday Service for our intro and outro music. Thanks to Mark, MP, Will, and Carter for letting us record in their home. If you want to find us online, we are at Spout Lore on most social media. Thanks for listening, everybody. We'll see you next time. Now sit right there and I'll tell you a tale. That's not the ending theme.

That's not the guy who's gone. That's how do you not know it. I'm back to your car and we'll head down the road. And everyone will go home. It sounds like a Sinatra version of the song. We're heading into Singing in the Rain. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. It's Spout Lore. It's Spout Lore. It's Spout Lore. Tune in today and hear your friends on Spout Lore. Because it's Spout Lore. Spout Lore. Spout Lore. Spout Lore. Every two weeks it's Spout Lore. And when you get back to the Jersey Sky.

In your ears it's Spout Lore. Spout Lore. Oh. Oh.

Second the the next season of Spout Lore is going to be film noir so it's going to be a lot of that a lot of saxophones billy's gonna be like a really sexy like bar singer oh wait no that's what tuck's gonna be yeah oh piano that oh yeah gonna be like in a red dress billy would be like a newsy oh yeah like a little kid that's on the street corner hey don't have a nickel for a paper I walked into the detective's office and my legs were really long you're describing yourself yeah I had legs longer than any dame he'd ever seen you got some long legs dame and I knew it because he said it long legs wait no I didn't I didn't hear it you got some long legs dame and I knew it because he said it long legs I just didn't hear it I love you're like what can I add I'll just repeat that's what they did in the film noir days and he knew I was trout oh sorry he knew I was trout he knew I had a secret but he was intrigued anyway because he was sexually attracted to my body you look like you got a secret dame and it could be danger but I'm intrigued because you're sexually interested yes yes