Episode 3 – Honey Flustered

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes, noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape and wields a spear with great might purely's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart best and brightest they may not be but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends and listen close for the tale's about to start Welcome to Spoutlore!

Every year!

My name is Sean O'Hara I am your game master and with me as always players Abdul hello Jessica hello and returning guest character slash player Mark hey guys and we join our heroes in the security office of the High Spear mall where Shathane Wick head of security has just started wrangling our two intrepid heroes into some busy work at the mall you guys know how to take care of a bee problem yeah we have some experience with fire bees yeah we have quite a lot of experience with fire bees we have somewhere between some and quite a lot of experience with fire bees all right do you guys know how to run a steamer a bee steamer yeah that's okay good so I need some help if you help me with the bee problem I will help you with the friend problem yeah yeah we're into it all right we're gonna shake on it yeah and then I guess we do a three-way shake all right this is how we seal deals shake my hand okay now Billy put yours in they're doing this in real life and Tantamile the beaver cat's head kind of she lifts off wait can Tantamile's hand come in too on top of it and then we're all like what the hell is that yeah she has this creepy extra claw thumb thing that kind of scratches up so Tantamile is your beaver cat and she's big right yeah she's big she's like a mountain lion mountain lion sized I don't like her yeah wicker is kind of like I think wicker Tantamile really seems to to like wicker it's oh yeah okay so she's she's not giving off like yeah she's purring and she's just kind of now she's getting out of her little hut her little house and she's kind of turning around in the corner and she's having a look at wicker and she's yeah yeah she's like as another cool little animal friend wickers kind of walking around she was she she jumped up on tuck's shoulders when Tantamile came out of her her hut and she's sort of walking around and she's like I have wild empathy what does that do so you can speak with and understand animals holy shit so and that's a whoa that's yeah and I've had that I'm a level five and I've had that since level one so I'm pretty good at so I have a good idea of what Tantamile's saying yeah can I pet this Tantamile oh yeah yeah Tantamile's petable yeah like rippling muscle underneath fur like yeah like very scary tough but she's fairly docile it sounds like she's very very gentle okay yeah she's just like several times bigger than me oh yeah a lot bigger than Billy yeah um because I know you know cougars aren't enormous but compared to a small boy they're pretty big yeah she's she's rubbing her head against you and it's kind of pushing you around the room but she really really likes you wonderful so what needs to happen before they can I've come back I've got two folders with pens ready and some paperwork for you guys to fill out before I can put you into the employer of the mall and give you assignments so okay if you could both fill these out okay I didn't I get that to the HR department uh and then I'll get back to you guys with the name tags we can probably get them produced today okay uh you wear them on your lanyards as official employees of mall security and then I'll be able to give you an assignment in the food court nice do we get weapons as mall security well I'm confiscating everything that you have but uh one of the perks of mall security is anything from the lost and found locker that you guys think you might need for work oh uh pretty much help yourselves you do have to fill out a form for each item uh and make sure that the inventory is appropriate but okay well I'm gonna fill out this form and then I'm gonna check out what kind of fucking scratch we got up in the lost and found I just take the ink bottle off the desk and I smear it on my body and I lay out the paper and I'm like oh my god I'm gonna have to do this and then I just lay on it and then that's it because I'm like I told you I don't know how to write and then I look I look at the blotches that Billy made on his I was like Billy look this one looks like a horse nice I make it I make it run on a paper cute fun cute all right if you guys are done I'll just take the folders we'll send them up to HR and we'll get those name tags cool sounds good I I put my stuff in I give it to him but I uh hope he doesn't look at it because I did not do that and then a another montage and then two name tags show up and one has a blotch on it yeah cool yeah there's where it says name there's one that yeah one says Tacoma Dome and the other is a splotch yeah perfect and so there you go there's your name tags guys all right my friend Trevor you met him when you came in um he's got a lovely little restaurant in the food court there he's got a uh fire beat problem infant station in the wall I need it uh I need it eliminated and what is Trevor's uh meat place called it's called uh Michael's Meats who's Michael Trevor's older brother oh yeah so yeah Michael's Meats that's the situation it is um fairly close by thankfully because you're sort of in the food court area it's on the other side of the food court across from security and do you just head over there now I have a lot of paperwork to deal with I might just point on the uh oh you're not going with him you're not gonna go with us yeah because otherwise how are you gonna see if we're any good yeah also I live in a place where I can't go to the food court because I'm not going to go to the food court I'm gonna go to the food court because I'm not going to go to the food court because I'm not going to go to the food court the steamer and I was like this is a lot more complicated oh my god there's only one thing you put the water in and then you put the charcoal on fire and okay and then I is there a water tap inside and inside all right I'm gonna come in so he took all did Billy Billy didn't seem interested in having his weapons compensated no he didn't did he hide anything on him yeah he just put it all under the cloak okay under his toga as well two two d six plus dexterity for it to hide if you were if you were to hide your stuff already then yeah ten okay yeah you have no trouble like arranging your weapons in a way that mean that he couldn't see cool yeah so you've got like you know you put stuff like in the small of your back and like under your arms so it's all kind of hidden but Tacoma you are totally stripped of all your weapons but yeah you have the opportunity to take something from lost and found I guess cool okay so I'm going through it what do I see there's some there's some good shit in there yeah you get a uh you're just looking for like a weapon yeah some kind or just whatever yeah yeah I'm like I'm just interested okay there's a bag of little square pieces of metal that you don't really recognize um there is uh what looks like it's just a big glove with some wooden bits attached to like the knuckles in the back nice there is uh just a big club with like a man's face carved into it there is um a box of metal balls that are pretty heavy uh-huh there's a crossbow that looks very complicated okay there is um three wooden poles connected by chains uh-huh and there is like a sharp metal disc oh cool um I'm gonna take the uh the the glove with the wooden bits yeah and the crossbow okay so I yeah I have a crossbow and this glove thing and I'm like I'm like cool cool do I look cool yeah you look uh very very cool exactly cool enough to deal with this I strike a couple of poses I'm like hey look look at me all right are you guys ready your little friend uh want anything out of the I honestly wasn't listening no I can see the little billy's just not all that interested in the stuff so just lock I'll just lock the locker back up and I'll just grab my pop my cloak on and um oh yeah so he puts this cloak on and billy you take notice of this he has a cloak that is soft and supple and uh like a greenish gray and looks exactly like the blanket you stole from maggie cole's room but like you know cloak sized okay yeah that same beautiful soft looking material that uh that takoma's been holding on to for a little bit now and uh so and then you just head out yeah zone my leave my bow in the corner and I've just got my little got my daggers on my hip and we head off across the atrium to the food court yeah uh and you push through sort of the crowds of diners and you know people with various kinds of food from all the different shops and just regular shoppers and rough looking folk that make the mall their home as we're walking can I just like make small talk with him sure so what's your deal do you have a wife or what um no no no wife nice are you into dudes no not into dudes yeah so you're just bad with women wow here we are at at the meat shop all right look we got here yeah it's just got one of those big open like counters in the front like any sort of mall food place and there's nobody there and the lights are off while the you know the lamps are extinguished you ring the bell and trevor comes down he's like okay yeah so about this is what I thought you're just you know you little trevor puts the screws to you and you finally get stuff done I'm going to go to the store and I'm going to go to the store and I'm going to go to the store and I'm going to go to the store and I'm going to go to the store and I'm going to go to the some work yeah they are experts so they tell me experts yes with fire bees tell me this little kid and this big guy these are b experts they are b experts all right well come this way and he leads you into the back there's like fryers and stuff like that hot counters and weird little stoves and he takes you into the back storage room or he opens the door to the back storage room and he goes so just go in there turn left and you'll uh you'll see the problem but I'm not going in I'm not dealing with that so all right let me know when you're done does the steamer have water in it yes there's water in it okay yeah is there a tea kettle nearby uh yeah actually there's like a big kettle of water okay I'm just gonna like turn that on okay yeah so it's like starting to it you know it opens up and there's this little click click click and then there's a flame and it starts to heat up all right yeah is there wait yeah there's water in the tea kettle yeah there is yeah cool yeah nice so it's uh it's it's starting to bubble away you look in through the storeroom you start to smell that honey smell that hot honey smell takes me back not falling for that again and uh and you look in one corner of this big storeroom with stacks of boxes and and pots and pans and that and all along the far corner is this big papery smoky mound you guys the one you saw a honeybee hive that was in a box but now it's like you look it's like charred woody sort of paper and there are little slightly glowing bees crawling all along the outside and buzzing around and it's pretty large it's sizable wow how the hell did this happen he's I don't even you know you uh one day I I closed up shop for the weekend and I came back and there was a fire bee hive this happened in a weekend this happened in the weekend wow this is wild that's that's what I was saying I'm this seems suspicious to me so I want to uh look around to see what's what's going on you want to discern realities yes that is the term yeah uh 11 plus wisdom 12 yeah damn that's a lot so yeah you get three questions off the um discern realities list the questions are okay what happened here recently what is about to happen what should I be on the lookout for what here is useful or valuable to me who's really in control here what here is not what it appears to be okay well I'm gonna ask I'm just gonna be like this is so weird that it happened in a weekend what here is not what it appears to be having dealt with these bees before you see in the paper of the hive this all wasn't formed naturally in this room you see a big chunk that looks like it is a hive that already existed that was put in place and then the bees built around it and then I talked to trevor I'm like hey look there's like a there's a core hive that there's someone put that here oh he's like this is what I was trying to tell this piece of garbage over here this is extortion I don't know what that means but okay I didn't pay money to the right people now they're putting fire bees in my store trying to get get trevor on the payroll or get on trevor's payroll and trevor is not having any of it that's me I overhear this and this this I come around have a look and this was not what I had expected to see I thought it would have been a real problem a real fire bee infestation I don't think it's cool that this has happened and I didn't know it was happening and then I I look around some more and I would start thinking uh what I was just laughing because you're like you've got the paper like right up against your face like I just look around and I think that it would be interesting to what is about to happen what who I guess who is my question who's in control of the all of these bees um so you're like who could have done this yeah and trevor's like well hmm it's an interesting if I think about it it does sort of line up with um abdul give me a name of one of the food court uh so we don't we're moving away from uh food chains that exist right yeah we can't do that okay uh so it's a food it's chefs that so and they style themselves as lords and ladies and queens and kings and emperors okay so the uh I'm gonna say uh oh meat uh the meat boys he's like this is the hot meat boys okay hot meat boys of way of the western high sphere no I'm not done no but you're you're telling me a name that trevor is going to tell you yeah you're done no no no hot meat boys of the western mall all right of high sphere okay we sell hot meat okay trevor's like you know a couple days ago some of the some of the hot meat boys they came and they said hey trevor we need your meat on our in our gang and you got to pay us some money or something like that something's gonna happen you're mean I said get out of here you scamps and I think this was them it was a hot meat boys okay hot meat boys what here is useful or valuable to me so there's a tub near the beehive and you know that the core hive is sort of sitting in these little structures the bees have made and if you were to cut those out you might be able to deal with the core hive by pouring it in boiling water billy what do you think yes let's do that but I boiled this water and so we should use the steam as protection okay that's a good idea actually yeah okay so we'll we'll pump the steam from the boiling water into the into the hive just so the bees aren't crazy when we yeah cut the hive out and then oh you don't have any weapons on you right I have this uh crossbow and this what like this these brass knuckles that are wood what do you need yeah I have a dagger and one throwing dagger and we could use that okay cut this hive off okay yeah all right it's a great idea okay yeah uh shathane uh this kid pulls a knife out of his coat but I'm I'm sufficiently impressed by their level assuming what they look like from the outside their level of obvious incompetence uh to how they're actually coming up with a solution to this problem so I'm just gonna let it roll it looks like it might actually work yeah uh yeah so this whole scenario is gonna be a defy danger wisdom okay uh to sort of follow the procedures uh nine nine do you want to aid or interfere so you're aiding with the 2d6 plus the bonds that you have with billy uh six uh plus two is eight eight okay so yeah that gives you the plus one which is a 10 and an unmitigated success your plan kind of goes off without a hitch more or less you fill this tub with boiling water from the kettle which is like a big like big kettle not like a tea kettle like a big metal cauldron sort of a big kettle a big kettle a big kettle a big like a big metal cauldron sort of thing so you dump all the water in there and you're pumping steam into the room yeah yeah and the bees their glow subsides a little bit as you start to steam up the room you use billy's dagger and cut the core hive that you saw buried in there loose and it tumbles right down yeah it just dumps in the water the bees try to climb out of the water but you know they're wet and the kind of yeah once the hive hits the water too it starts to like bubble even more like as the fire bees start to go out but they're giving off their last bursts of heat but as you're cutting through tacoma you like cut through a section and the fire bee honey gets on your hand okay and uh like on the back of your hand and like kind of on your hand or the other hand uh would you be cutting with your gloved hand I would be cutting with the glove okay yeah you're wearing a glove so it hits there and as we've talked about with fire honey once it settles it doesn't come off uh-huh so it sort of pours down this glove and hardens up okay yeah but you were wearing the glove and the plan went well enough that you don't get any on your skin is the glove now hardened in a like a like am I stuck with the knife and the glove yeah it's like hardened around the knife that you were holding no yeah but there's also stuff on the wall that's just not coming off like the honey's starting to harden oh okay yeah I guess I I start panicking I start scraping fast because I go shit yeah and there's a point where now that the hive is gone yeah the bees are starting the bees have left or died there's a point where you're scraping scraping scraping and the knife starts to get stuck in the honey can I like because I can't remember too much about the honey can I like Spout Lore something about the honey yeah sure like what do you want to know I want to know if there's a way that I can like soften the honey so that he can get his hand oh yeah sure you can um you could roll a because you guys yeah that is something you didn't work with um and then you can kind of because you guys, yeah, that is something you didn't learn at the hive was exactly how it's processed.

But yeah, you can roll 2d6 plus intelligence. No, it is explicitly said. They just ignored it. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so. We have forgotten. Oh, gotcha. Okay. Yeah, 2d6 plus intelligence. Okay. For a Spout Lore. Okay, nine. Okay, nine. So you do know that alcohol is involved in the processing and softening of fire bee honey. Okay. You don't remember exactly how to do it, but you know that alcohol is involved. I tell Tuck I'll be right back. Super quick.

And then I run around to the shelves and I'm looking for a bunch of alcohol. If he has any booze or anything. I'll ask you what you're looking for. Yeah, what are you doing? Where do you store your booze? Your liquor? Oh, I don't drink on the job. Sure you do. Look at you. Hey, you little shit. Hey. Dane reaches into his hip pocket and pulls out a small flask. Okay, I might need a bit more. Thank you, but I might need more. Trevor, where do you keep it? Okay, don't tell nobody. Okay.

And he goes and he like lifts up the little box that he keeps money in. He lifts it up and there's just a bottle lying on the counter and when he holds it up, you see that there's like a hole cut out of the bottom of the money box. Wow. Here, just don't use it all. Wait, there's a hole in the bottom of your safe? It's like a false hole. Don't worry. It's not a safe. It's a box I keep money in. It's a safe. It's different. It's different.

Wait, did you compromise the effectiveness of a place you store money so you could hide alcohol? It's different and he just gives you the bottle. So yeah, you run back in? Yeah, I do. When Billy runs back, can I whisper to him? Yes. I think Trevor is an alcoholic. I know. We should maybe talk to him. Maybe tell him to think of his family. Okay. Yeah. Tuck, do I just pour this on your hand? I think so. I think I remember that.

Okay, so I just open both the bottles and I'm just like dribbling all over. Yeah, it's not perfect because that's not the whole process is just pouring alcohol on it. But you get your hand moving enough that you can get the knife out of there. But now the glove is stuck like this. Okay, I guess. And then I hold it up and I'm like, good enough. Okay, why don't you just take the glove? Off? Can I take the glove off? Yeah. Okay. I guess I wipe it against the counter.

I slam it on the food prep area and I start just trying to start scraping so my hand will slip out of the glove. It like catches on a thing and then pulls off and then the glove is stuck to this counter. And then I go to Trevor. I'm like, it's fine. I got the glove off. Oh my God. All right. Is this the kind of work that we can expect from mall security? You wanted the bees gone? Well, I guess the bees are gone. What am I supposed to do with this hive? Take this hive. No.

This is not hive disposal. That's different. We're done. I think All right. Get out. Get out of here. Just go. You are still not welcome at my restaurant. Go. Get out. Nice, guys. Let's get out of here. But I think I might take that knife. Oh, the honey knife that belongs to Billy? I guess it's wrecked anyway. You could take it. It's garbage now. Fresh. And then I just give the alcohol back to Trevor. Like, think of your wife. And then I give Chathain back his flask.

And you don't tell him to think it? No, because I overheard that he doesn't have a wife. And so I don't know what he should be thinking about. Think of your beaver cat. Yeah, think of that thing. Tantamount. Yeah, so Tantamount's been sitting outside waiting. With Wicker. With Wicker. Wicker and Tantamount have been kind of purring and meowing at each other. And she's napping. And you leave the store. The fire beehive dealt with for now. And I'm truly impressed.

I was like, this is going to be a complete disaster that I would have to take care of by myself, which in reality, I guess is not all that difficult because he just sprayed water on them. But… It's a very easy problem to solve. Fire bees are pretty easy to handle. Yeah. I gotta admit, I'm surprised that you guys pulled it off. So… I'm also surprised that we pulled it off. Gotta look cool. Would you guys be interested in maybe the longer term employment here?

There are other situations that arise from time to time that need special skills from people that kind of don't really know what they're doing and will just try anything. Well, that is certainly our MO. It's a kind offer, but we have a more pressing matter at hand. Our friend. Our friend. We lost our friend. You know, we could really use your help. I guess I need a few more details about what you think exactly happened.

And I've got connections in the mall with the right people in the right places and we can at least figure out whether something could be done. Look, man. Our friend, our best friend, died saving us. But he was in a shape-shifted state. So he might still be alive in the spirit world. Is that at all possible? So I believe what you're describing is possible. But I don't know that it's possible to help fix this problem because this is more than what I've ever really encountered.

So getting people back from changed states. We'll talk to some people. I do need some more immediate help, though, because as we all found out, from the Firebee issue, we've got a problem with the hot meat boys. And it is at this point, Tuck and Shathane are talking about it. You're kind of chilling with Tantamile and Wicker. Across the food court, you see the guy from the weapon check area with a couple other people.

And it's at this point, through your thiefy instincts, you realize that you are being followed. Me? Thanks for listening, everybody. This has been Spout Lore. I am your game master, Sean O'Hara. With me, as always, players, Jessica. Bye. Abdul. So long. And Mark. See you later, guys. Thank you for listening. Thank you to Aaron Reid of Vancouver Sunday Service for the amazing intro and outro music. Thank you to our technical producer, Wes Lord.

And thank you to Aaron Magoo at Heckler's Bar and Grill for letting us record in the upstairs Ratfish Lounge. Rest in peace. Thanks for listening, everybody. See you next week. It sounded like you said Aaron died. Yeah. Aaron's alive. Ratfish is dead. Well, the lounge is dead. Aaron's alive. Aaron Magoo, may he live forever. Ratfish rest in peace. Okay. Goodbye. Next week. See ya. And so ends the tale of Adventures 3 who tried the best they can. Though dumb and scared and lost they be.

For time's abreast in revelry. And though our journey may be like a conclusion. We will not leave you without a resolution. Return next week to hear some more. Whilst you commute or do your chores. And for you I'd gladly spout more.