Episode 3 – The Mayor of Mudlark

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes, noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers half-elf, he shifts his shape and wields a spear with great might Billy's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends, and listen close For the tale's about to start Previously on Spoutmore Uh, have you guys been having troubles with Meyer frogs recently?

Oh man When haven't we been having troubles with Meyer frogs? We're just heading into town for the festival Oh, the hot dog festival! Yes Oh, if you're looking for a place to stay, there ain't no finer accommodations in all of Mudlock than the wallow in the south We're mercenaries for hire Mercenaries? In Mudlock? I am the mayor of this village Oh, you're the mayor? Yeah Fat Billy wants to hug the mayor I took a little metallic wallet, that sort of thing Oh, like a little…

A little metal case Yeah Can we help? Can we… I need this festival to go off without a hitch I'm willing, in this situation, to deputize the three of you as official enforcers Welcome to Spoutmore We're continuing our Dungeon World game I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara, and joining me are players Jessica Hey Paul Hi And Abdul Hey guys Oh, something that we didn't do?

Ask some questions, because the thing that I'm supposed to do with the Barbarian is ask you about the place that you came from I ask you a detail of the thing in the Newmark experience if you give me an answer Okay So last time we talked about your favorite festival that you missed from McCall Oh, yeah And you talked about Fireworks Festival in reverence of the Prophet of Fire Yes Yeah And you mentioned the God of the Flame Yeah Tell me… Okay, so what is the…

What is the most common way of worshiping the God of Flame? Like, a lot of people shave their pubes Oh, Jesus What? The world… Other cultures are just different sometimes You're totally right You're totally right If it has… If there's, like, grooming… Are there other methods of grooming that… Maybe in your culture, pubes are something else What if… What if, like, they're all naturally hairless on their head and so their pubes are, like… Their hairdos? Their pubedues? Yeah Every…

Wear, like, really, like, v-neck pants Yep Go right down to the crest Like, really low… Low riders Mm-hmm So you still can't see the dick or balls Okay, let me just… Ask me again Let's start again from the beginning Because this topic, like, went in a weird direction It's off, it's off Ask me another question Okay How did… What is the origin of the worship of the God of the Flame? A million years ago… Uh… There was… There was a man… And a woman… And they… Fucked… Hard…

Um… And while they were fucking, they were struck by lightning… And the lightning was the dick of the God of the Sky… And… So it was like a three-way… And this chick got pregnant… And… There was a woman with a baby…

Baby came out of and he looked normal at first but then when he hit puberty there so like kid was normal until puberty and then his voice changed and he started having like all these weird feelings and then his dad died of a coughing fit and and the kid was filled with such sorrow that his lightning his his dormant lightning genes activated and he set himself on fire and he was a combination of lightning and man and then he became a fireman and he elevated to the position of a god over the course of his life because he dried out one of the largest seas in the world with his fire one time see that's okay yeah but that's the that's the boring part of the story the cool god stuff he does that was boring I what I really liked it but okay mark an experience for that just one I read that's the thing is you got a limit of one my friend what I really like is is there's a lot of stuff in there that if you if you think about it could be like a biblical like a like a religious text and that's the thing that I really like is that there's a lot of stuff in there that's just tuck trying to explain it yeah he's just like there's a man in a woman and they fucked lightning I guess but it's like you know a man and a woman conceived the child of the sky like the book is actually really moral and beautiful but tux is just trying to explain it and he doesn't know enough all right cool and there's so there's a sea that dried up somewhere yeah cool I wanted to ask this too is mccall like really far away it's um it's on the it's on the other side of the uh sea of graves the sea of graves yeah it's boring I don't want to talk about the sea of graves the ocean that the god of the flame dried up no no is that past the sea of graves is still a sea um the the ocean that the god of the flame dried up it was um is this is the is the dried up ocean now a place do people live there it um they do uh it's like salt flats now cool so they do like land speed record tests there it's mostly racing and yeah it's it's pretty barren now nothing grows there because it was it was glanced by holy fire because he dried it up with himself man that explains all the salt yeah yeah all right sweet um who was explaining this to the whole time me sean oh yeah I just asked you a question you could have did it in your regular voice I should have really done it where the fuck were we uh all right yeah so the mayor is like if you do this for me you will be in the good graces of the people of mudlock including myself why did your voice change so quick I'm sorry why did your voice change what's the deal is this the voice you're doing now uh and as he's like please just do this for me and I will I will be in your debt well I'm paying you so I suppose we will it will be square it's an exchange it's an exchange of money for goods and services yes you've hired us yes you are hired five coins a day starting tomorrow and wait wait as he says that wait you're not getting a free day bitch as he says that there's like a a commotion you hear like Kind of a bunch of people.

I keep saying commotion because it's the easiest way to describe it. I hope it's a train. A train rips through the center of town. No tracks. Oh, no. I think we're in my dreams. We've been incepted. It's a locomotion. You hear like a kind of really overly loud series of like wet croaks. Just like you're walking through a swamp at night. And there are people kind of like shouting. And you see the town guards running around and pointing at things and yelling and trying to organize.

And the crowd on the edge of the square moves aside. And four large frogs on their hind legs walk into the square. Two are carrying banners. And two are carrying spears. And one has like a busted up brass horn. And it's kind of being like boop, boop. Like it's like tooting into the horn. Wow. That horn is making a dumb sound. Toot, toot. But then the frogs' voices are slightly more intimidating. Because they're just, you know, loud and gross. And they're speaking frogs. Yeah, they're just like.

And they're like walking and kind of snapping at people and pushing people out of the way. How rare are frog people in this world? That's a great question that you can answer by rolling a Spout Lore. So that is, you would roll 2d6 plus intelligence. Which I think you've tried to do a bunch of times and are exceptionally bad at. Yeah. I'm going to give you the sheet. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead.

Seven. Plus your intelligence? Zero. Oh, you're zero. Okay, so it is a seven. Seven. Seven to nine. So with a seven to nine for Spout Lore, I tell you something interesting about the. But not useful. Yeah, but not useful. So what you know is that frog people are fairly, not fairly common, but they're known. Okay. These creatures are commonly called Bullywugs. And, yeah, they're just kind of bipedal frog people that live in swampy areas. And that's all you know. That's.

I also heard like a stereotype about them where they like they're really cheap. That's like could very well. Yeah. Frugal is good, though. Yeah. It's about quality. Do it. Do it. I'm not going to say frog. Spout Lore. So the. The Bullywugs, as you now was. Ving. Remembers they are called. Walked in the center of the square. And one of them hops up on the dais in the center of town and pulls like a little rolled piece of fabric out of its pocket and like opens it in front of it.

And is like, here you hear you. We come on behalf of the Lord of these swamps and the king of all frogs. Emperor Borgulch. And the mayor is like, what the what? No. What is. What is. My deputies, please. You are now on the clock. I will pay you today. Ah, cool. Deal with this. And he like kind of starts pushing you towards. The frog. The frog people. Go, go, please, please, please. All right. Who wants to talk to the frog people? I don't want anything to do with this. You're intimidating. Yeah.

But I feel like diplomacy is probably best to start with. I do have gills. Yeah. I walk up and show them my gills and say, well, we. We represent the mayor in this city. So. All right. Should we start talking to him? Yeah. What did you say? What did he say? He says. He said, we represent the Lord of these swamps and the king of all frogs. Emperor Borgulch. He says that again. He says. Yeah, he says it twice. And he says it. He does his best to say it in the exact same tone. Oh, OK.

What do you want? We demand envoy. With the leadership of this town. Wow. OK. Well, we were kind of like standing in. We're deputized. We've been deputized by the mayor. He's too busy. Wait. No, let's. Let's ask the mayor if he wants to talk to these guys. Did he leave? He's gone. Yeah. As you turn around to look in the in the the alleyway that he was, you just see like a mayor shaped cloud of dust dissipates. You almost never see that in real life. If we do not.

If Emperor Borgulch does not have audience and his demands are not meant. Met. But. It will be war. But. OK. All right. Nobody wants a war here, especially against frog people. Borgulch wants war. OK, we'll get you a meeting with the mayor, but he's not here right now. So we need time. Where's can we. Can we like. Make a scheme. Is that what you call plan? Plan a trick. Yeah. I can. One of us pretend. I like this. Is Billy saying this? Yes. Can we make a scheme? Yes.

Billy wants to know, can we make a scheme? OK. What's the scheme, Billy? Well, the mayor is not going to meet with this guy. Can one of us be the mayor? Yeah, Billy's the mayor. OK. Oh, yeah. I didn't. I did not volunteer for this. Well, yeah. Did I? That's what the. I mean, it happens with the mayor. OK. You're nominated by your people. OK. Yeah. The mayor's right here. It's this fat, supple boy.

Somebody's going to have to roll a defy danger like charisma or something to convince them that you're not. Who's got who's going to who's going to go for it? I think because I lied. OK. And if anybody wants to aid, you can you can. I'll aid with bond. Well, how are you aiding? It might make sense if Billy aids because trying to look mayoral in any way. So he wears a raccoon skin. Plus your charisma. Is that. Yeah. Two of those. Yeah. So eight. Yeah. Great. So no.

As long as as long as long as Tacoma succeeds. I rolled a ten. Oh, yeah. So that's great. OK. Um, yeah. So you kind of point you're like, this is this fat job is our mayor. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This tiny. Fat halfling is our mayor. And he will meet with your emperor. So he goes very well. His name is Rascal. Flats. Mayor Rascal Flats. Very well, Mayor Flats. You will meet with more gulch.

Emperor of the swamps. King of frogs. Lord of these still waters. Prince of flies. Other. He's like looking frantically frantically his cloth and like trying to remember. He's like, yeah, you will meet by tomorrow at sunrise or it will be war. Wait, can you can you say his name again? I spaced. I'm sorry. Emperor Borg. Oh, does he have any nomenclature? Uh huh. Does he have any nomenclature? Do you have any letters? No. I do not understand. Well, worship. Where do you want to meet?

Where will the emperor be? In his palace? The Palace of Reeds above the swamps? We will find you at the edge of town. Which edge? This. Sunrise tomorrow. Right? Just these two. Okay. Now we all have to stand on one of the edges of town. Great. They hop down, and he toots his little horn again, and he rolls up his ratty piece of cloth and shoves it. What does the horn sound like? Toot, toot. Oh. It's a very cute horn. It's got a little smiley face.

Well, it's a good thing I'm standing hip deep in mud because I peed myself. They start walking away, and the two frogs with the banners, which are just shitty brown pieces of cloth. There's nothing on them. They're just raggedy. They start walking away, and they push their way out of town, and they're gone. They just recede through the buildings, and they are off into the distance. Man, that emperor has a pretty fucking tragic name. Or Gulch. It's almost as bad as his banners.

Sounds like the sound that pudding in a boot makes. If you fill a boot with pudding, and you put your foot in it. I'm familiar. Yeah. I know what that's like. I'm familiar. So, you know, almost as if from thin air, the mayor is at your shoulder. Says, what was that? What happened? What did they want? Dude, where did you go? I had mayoral business to attend to. Fuck. What happened? Well, you weren't here, so we told them that Billy's the… Actually, we're just… Do we need to…

Should we tell him? How big of a… How deep do we want the scheme? How deep do we want the scheme to go? Are we just scheming against the frogs? Are we scheming against the whole town? Girl, let's keep it secret. Yeah, I think it's secret. Let's keep it secret. What did he say? He wants you to wait in a closet for five to ten days. Maybe. You can roll into by danger charisma. Is five to ten days excessive? Yeah. What should I… Okay, maybe until sunset tomorrow. That sounds more fantasy. Okay.

He wants you to wait in a closet until sunset tomorrow. For what reason? He didn't give one. He was a man of few words. Okay, go ahead and roll it. Roll to ten. Yeah. Billy is very good at lying, apparently. Somehow. The mayor goes, Very well, I will remain in my quarters until whatever it is you need to attend to is… Dude, are you fucking deaf? What? Is that a clock? Closet. You can't just be in your room. Your entire quarters is… Like my closet? Like where my clothes are? Yes. Or shoes.

Or linens. He also said that your quarters were to be lent to us for the night. And I just stay in the closet? Yes. That's what he said. Get in the closet, man. Don't come out of the closet. Okay. I am mayor of this town and I will do what is required for my people. Yes. I will be in the closet. And you are free to… I will be in the closet. I will be in the closet. I will be in the closet. I will be in the closet. I will be in the closet. I will be in the closet. I will be in the closet.

And you are free to stay in my quarters, I suppose. Or it's war, they said. War? Well then, I am a patriot if nothing else. And I will be in the closet until sunset tomorrow. Goodbye. Cool. Billy. What? Good lie. Thanks. It's really out of our hair. Do we want him in our hair? It feels like we can run this town now. I think we're… You're the mayor now. Yeah, I feel like we're kind of the mayor until tomorrow at sunset. Heck yeah. Heck yes. Mayor. Yeah, so you have until sunrise tomorrow.

And you're supposed to meet more Gulch. Yeah, should we change some municipal laws before we do stuff? Yeah, what? Let's talk to the sanitation department. This place is disgusting. All right. Wait, can the mayor… Can the mayor make an announcement to everyone before he goes? That's like, these guys are going to be taking care of shit for right now? Yeah, that's a good idea. Do you ask him that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe I'll… He's like, that seems a little excessive.

I'll just be away for the day. But you don't want this town to fall apart while you're gone and this festival? Somebody's got to be in charge while you're gone. And these frog people are threatening war, but they want you in this closet. I just think that you should make somebody in charge and I will be us. I trust my God. I trust the militia. I am a little hesitant to leave the reins of my town in the hands of three strangers. You can make a roll.

You can make a roll to try and convince them again. No, it's fair. We don't need control of your town. We can just scheme them. Very well. If you have any questions, I need to come up with a name. Let's say it at the same time. One, two, three. Billy Corrigan. Wait, what did you say? If you have any questions, please feel free to contact the captain of the guard, Armando. Oh, hot. And he will set you up with anything you require. Till then, I will be in my closet, I guess. Yeah, bring a bucket.

I will find a bucket. And a book. I have many books. And? A turkey. A turkey? A whole. Wait. Is this? For you to bring? Billy's thinking this is good again. This will be for me, but if you require food, there will be food at the… Mansion? At my estate. Quarters. My quarters. My mouth touched the microphone because my lips went out when I said quarters. Quarters. Four quarters and a dollar. Until then, I will see you on the morrow. What's your name again, Mayor? Ah.

Allow me to acquaint you with me. Self. My name is Etienne Boggins. I can't say it. Etienne. Etienne. Is it Etienne? Like Eddie and then the letter N? No, like Etienne. Etienne. Sounds like a French Canadian name. Boggins. Where are you from? Ah, thank you for asking. You can tell by my patois that I'm not from this town. I am from… That's okay. Let's see. I think… Sometimes I can't remember where I'm from. I like… I come from a town to the west called Vertigras.

On the beautiful shores of the Sapphire Sea. Well, that sounds nice. It's wonderful. You really should go. But make sure you come in the summer. The water is particularly vibrant. My voice is getting more and more eloquent. It's because you're heading deep in that closet. I will be in the closet and I will speak to you on the morrow. Good luck. You… The fate of the hot dog festival… I forgot that's what the stakes are. The hot dog festival goes well. It's like 95% of the economy, isn't it?

Yeah, it's true. Like, this doubles the city's revenue, at least. Or the town's revenue. The fate of this hot dog festival and the people within lies firmly on your three sets of shoulders. Okay, thank you for bestowing us with this responsibility. Goodbye. And he… And he… Storms away. Alright, I think we should call light of the card about us being in charge now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where's Armando? You guys want to go find Armando? Yeah. Alright. Um…

I want to grab the nearest scared-looking person and yell in their face, Where's Armando? Where is he? Talk, talk, talk, talk. Answer me! It's just like a kid. It's like a 13-year-old boy. You better answer him, kid. Uh… You don't even have to, like… Like, what is… This is a roll? Why wouldn't you just ask somebody? Alright, fine. He just goes, He's over there! And he just points, and there's like a portly gent with a big flowing mustache. Be more specific about what he looks like.

He's the portly gent with the flowing mustache. Okay! Thanks for the information. You're welcome! Cool, here's a coin for you. Thank you, that's very generous. Put him down, Tuck. Mark, take a coin away. You gave this kid a coin. No, you don't have any coins! I gave him just a bag of dirt. He gave him a bunch of dirt. He's like, thank you! And he runs. Yeah. He runs away. He's gone. Oh, man. So there's a man named Armando. I left… Ah, damn it. You gave him your dirt? Yeah, I…

That was the wrong bag of dirt. What bag of dirt did you give him? That was the bag of dirt that had all of my guitar picks in it. Why do you have so many guitar picks? Just in case I needed to jam, man. They're cheap as chips. Yeah. Wait, do you have a guitar? Or do you just have the picks hoping you'll find a guitar? I like carrying them around and then, like, taking them out. And just having people see that you have guitar picks. Yeah, I feel like it creates a cool aesthetic.

Sometimes I'll, like, slip one into one of my leather wrist straps. Cool. And I'll pull one out. It's… It gets gross. But let's go talk to Mark. Let's talk to Armando. So there's just, you know, the… We talked about how the center of town is fairly busy. It's a lot of people, like, getting stalls ready for the Hot Dog Festival. And there's, like, a stage going up. And the man that you believe to be named Armando is there. And he's, like, kind of directing people around.

You know, there are guards walking around, like, carrying crates for people and helping stuff get set up. Excuse me, sir. Yes. Is your name Armando? Well, you could… Yes. I am Armando. All right. Well, we're supposed to help with this, the Hot Dog Festival. The mayor has deputized us. Oh, great. You can just take those crates over there. No, no, no. We don't lift crates. What are you… The mayor has deputized this young man as the mayor. He, like, scrunches his face up and he goes, what?

This young boy is the mayor now. This little tiny kid? Yeah, this little kid is the mayor now. The mayor caught VD and he has to spend two days in a closet. He has to be in the dark for his VD not to take hold. He, like, crosses his arms. He caught vampire disease, man. Oh, my God. Yeah, it's important. Serious. I ain't been a vampire in these parts for a couple years now. I don't know about this. Who are you? He's from the Sapphire Sea. He caught it on the shores of the Sapphire Sea.

I am aware of where I find Mayor Etienne Bonner. Boggins is from. Yeah. Boggins, that's it. Yeah, Boggins. Right, that guy. Somebody's got to roll something. You can't just be like, he's got a vampire disease and his child is the mayor now. Billy, convince him you're the mayor. Here. Hey, little boy. This seems… You can't be… He, like, crouches down because you're, like, two feet tall. So he's, like, squatting and he's like… Billy tries really hard to not blink at all.

And he's like, yes, everything they say is true. In fact, the mayor… Bestowed upon me his personal belongings to take care of while he's recovering from the VD. All right, you're going to have to roll a Defy Danger Charisma. And I help. Six. Six? I help. Oh, okay. Yep, six. All right, so Tuck's going to help. Roll plus your bond. I rolled a nine. Plus your… I rolled a nine. Plus two is 11. Okay, so that puts it at a seven for you.

So you pull out the little thing and it's just, like, a nice little, like, kind of silver metal case. And you show it to him and say, yep, it's all true. And he looks at you and goes… Well, all right then, young man. That sounds great to me. If you're going to be taking over for the mayor, then you will have no problem giving the keynote speech. At the beginning of the festival tomorrow. I think that's great.

We've got anything you need, we can help you with to get you ready for this big speaking engagement. Everybody in the festival is going to be here in the square and you're just going to go up on the stage. Does that sound good to you? Yeah, that sounds great. That sounds perfect. Thank you. What time is the speech supposed to be? The speech is… The speech will be roughly noon. Just after noon. Okay. Tomorrow. Tomorrow. Oh, tomorrow. So after sunrise. After sun. Yeah, after.

That is generally when noon is, is after sunrise. I wasn't sure how that happened here. The sun happens. Yeah. Just… The way… Well, it's different. How do they tell time in your town? The sun. Okay, cool. So just when it's generally in the middle of the sky. So it's like our other towns. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. It's basically the same. He says, that's great. We'll just, you know, I'll let the boars know not to give you any hard time, Mr. Mayor. And he kind of like ruffles your hair.

Please don't touch the mayor. Yeah. He's, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Yeah. Deputy mayor. It's fine. He suffered more than I did, so I'm covered in piss. The mayor said that you were going to give us some walking around money. He was also going to give us some lunches, portable lunches. Lunchables, I think they're called. Lunch. Lunch. Okay. How much was the? Five bucks. Five gold. Five coins. Five coin each. Five coins.

That's something that the mayor's attache would deal with, not the captain of the guard. Okay. We'll just take the key to the city then. Key to the city. He says, you know what? Good point. He pulls out a giant novelty key that says, 2017 key to the city, and he hands it to you. Thank you. That doesn't happen. It doesn't fit in any locks. It fits in one giant lock, the secret lock that only comes out when the moon is high in the sky. Okay. This is exciting. Yeah, right?

I heard that lock is alive, and it's kind of like a vagina. When you said that lock is alive, I was like, cool. And then you were like, it's like a vagina. I was like, dual. Fantasy stuff is weird sometimes. Sometimes you got to fuck a living lock. With a key that is also kind of like a dick. Every lock's like a vagina. Is this two people having sex? Everything's two people having sex. All right. Cool.

He says, if you're looking for food, you can head to the Wallow and Sal and the old Maggie Cole. She'll set you up. Cool. Yeah. Free probably because we're the mayor and his entourage. Yes. You also, I think I overheard you have access to the mayor's estate. Yeah. Yeah. Up in the. Yeah. Up a ways. Up a ways on Cardinal Street. Cardinal Street. Cardinal Street. Yeah. Thanks for the information. No problem. Have a good time. And he turns around and starts pointing at stuff. Okay. That's all.

He just silently is like, point, point, point, point. All right. Cool. We've done it. Pretty good. Good job of taking over this town. Yeah. Yeah. We have this town at least still sun up. Yeah. So, shall we do something about the frog war? Yeah. That's probably a good idea. And that's the game for this week. Thanks for listening. This has been Spout Lore. I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara. With me as always, players Paul. The mayor said that you were going to give us some walking around money.

Abdul. What? Other cultures are just different. Different sometimes. And Jessica. Hello. I'm sorry. I'm eating. And as always, our technical producer, West Lord. Thanks to Hecklers for letting us record in the upstairs Ratfish Lounge. Hecklers upstairs. Thanks to Aaron Reed for our amazing intro and outro music. And we have been playing Dungeon World, a game by Adam Coble and Sage LaTorah, which is a hack of a game called Apocalypse World by D. Vincent Baker.

You can find all of that stuff on the internet. If you want it. Thanks for listening. And we'll see you next week. And so ends the tale of Adventures 3. Who tried the best they can. Though dumb and scared and lost they be. For time's abreast in revelry. And though our journey may be like a conclusion. We will not leave. We will not leave you without a resolution. Return next week to hear some more. Whilst you commute or do your chores. And for you I'd gladly spout no. No.