Episode 4 – Dirk Adventurman Presents: Feat of Clay

If you like Spout Lore and you want spelt more of it, go to patreon.com slash Spout Lore for exclusive bonus content, bonus games, exclusive merchandise, and more. Thank you for watching. For the tale's about to start. For the tale's about to start. I think he knows the theme song, like at least 99% of it. Yeah, I would say that's fair. 99.5. He doesn't know the theme song. Guys, he doesn't. I'm going to write it out. Well, I'm not paying attention to the game.

I'm going to be busy writing out the theme song. Okay, you write out the theme. Shut up. I'm going to recap the episode, the last episode, while Paul writes out the theme song and Abdul is going to stop goading him. Okay, and then after you're done the recap, we're going to read what he wrote. We're going to read what he wrote. This is so antagonistic. I think you can see that I'm a little bit grumpy and you're pushing my buttons to get me a little more lively. And I like it.

I appreciate what you're doing. It's working. When last we left our heroes, they had entered. He's typing so loud. I don't even know if it's actual words. When last we left our heroes, they had entered the mysterious carven tunnels connected to these. Ancient giant ruins within the mysterious Sand Eater Canyon. They almost tripped a trap and were almost crushed by a door, then entered what appeared to be and was revealed to be the entryway to some sort of tomb or crypt built by the giants.

All those millennia ago to honor their trades people. Oh, yeah. Or perhaps people involved in the construction of a specific thing. And that tomb was just covered wall to wall in worm cum. It was described by Ving. Upon arriving to Sand Eater Canyon, that this place is some sort of mating ground for the Alcoly sandworm, which was almost immediately confirmed by the overwhelming presence of what do we call this? The stuff that's used for lighting. The neon. Yeah. In the sticks.

Which it would appear that basically all emissions created by a worm waste and otherwise have this sort of bioluminescent. Appearance. We explored this tomb for a while, found some carvings relating to the importance of trades people in the giant culture. Ving and Billy found a series of animal paintings along the wall familiar to them. Thanks to the research into the whatever the dark church is that Perel has convinced himself is connected to both the dark guard and the recovery of his magic.

And further into the tomb, we found the crypts themselves, which had been smashed. Open and the skeletons either removed or destroyed in some fashion. And a little bit further into the crypt, we found a dragon from Knights Embrace. A black spire rises. The small, chunky obsidian dragon who has been feasting upon the bones of these giants for hundreds of years. Apparently, so the party has decided that he is adorable. Yeah. Despite the fact that he's a tough dragon with.

A huge pair of arms and some pretty impressive obsidian plates. Yeah. And they were able to ingratiate themselves to him through a combination of Billy's fairy charms and the switcherooing of some delicious obsidian diamonds. And he agreed to lead you to what he described as the gross smelling room. Which is where we believe the church to be. Yes. Because Ving recalls from both. The.

The pulp novel brings of the black flame and Perel's research that the burning of desert sage was important to this religion. And black spire agreed to help you taking you through the tomb into a chamber that is covered wall to wall in worms. Jesus. And that is where we find ourselves now on the very edge of some sort of worm pit. You ended the episode at a worm orgy. You said orgy. I said there are worms here and you decided. And you said the room is a glow with their come.

And also it's mating season. So what else are they doing? I will say that all of this stuff, the come, the orgy, this has all been you guys. And I'm along for the ride. But yes, there is a worm orgy in front of you. I knew it. You ended the episode and you started the next one. Black spire is standing at the edge. Of the chamber. And it's like, I hate these things. They're disgusting. They're like just the worst.

Basically, they just roll around and they chomp on all the stuff that I want to chomp on. And then whatever comes out is like the opposite of what I want to chomp on. And like, it's like they don't even want to actually eat the bones. They just like go through the bones. Sometimes. Sometimes it's the worst. And they're gross and they smelled like garbage. But what you're looking for is on the other side.

If you look and he lifts his one of his huge front legs and points across the chamber and you see doorways to other parts of this complex. But what he's pointing at is tunnels that have been burrowed through the walls. Oh, yeah. Cool. We have to go inside. We go through the worms. Yeah. That's the only way. Like I can. They're wusses. Like I can like probably push some of them away. But like they get real uppity this time of year. Do you think we could convince him to give us a lift over there?

Just kind of like stampede through all these worms and get to the other side real quick. Plus, we get a cool ride on a sweet drag. I'm convinced. He's not. Dragons are very proud. You're going to have to convince him to allow him to be ridden. So parlay with him. Okay. 2d6 plus charisma. Yeah. Oh, yeah. 13. Wow. So I implore upon Black Spire. Listen. Oh, great one. Big boy. We're stupid and small and we need someone brave and chonky. Big boy to carry us over these worms.

And no one here is smarter than you. Would you please do us the honor of letting us ride upon your beautiful, dark back? I suppose that I could deign to aid creatures weak and squishy as you. I suppose. And he's like, he stands up a little bit straighter on his front legs and his obsidian plates clack together a bit. He's just like preening himself. Basically. I love him. He's like, yeah. Okay. Whatever. Hop on. Let's go. Thank you. Thank you. You sit pretty low on his back.

Like his back itself is really broad. His shoulders are really wide. And then it tapers down to like a gorilla hip and a butt that flattens out a little bit. So you can kind of haunt yourselves up on this butt part. Tuck gets on. He grabs hold with his legs. Yeah. Strong legs. All right. Let's let's go. Oh, and he flips up his plates all the way to create this like wall of obsidian. And he just starts smashing through the worms. Oh my God. Out of the way. Get out of here. Mivet.

You gross piece of garbage. And he's basically snow plowing them away from him. Cool. You're about halfway across this. How long did I say this? Like 500 feet long. Yeah. Huge. It's he's good for like a couple hundred feet. And then the worms, you start hearing like. Mm hmm. They're starting to get uppity. Oh no. What do they do when they get uppity? You know, when you pick up an earthworm and they start like thrashing. Yeah. Like they curl up and they extend and they start flipping around.

They're doing that. Like the ones closest to you start curling up. And there are worms of all sizes here. You know, Tuck, that they can get enormous. Mm hmm. There aren't any super enormous ones in here. This seems like a place that younger sandworms come. Oh. Ew. A rave. That was not the word that I should have used. Tell us more about their mating habits, Sean. Yeah. So it's younger sandworms almost wall to wall. So the ones closer to you are maybe like 15 to 30 feet long.

Pretty thick segmented. They all have those weird horns. They're big. Yeah. They're really big. And they become like, you know. Like sperm whales. Like a kilometer long in some cases. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Yeah. There are rumors. There's always been stories about like a kilometer long sandworm that lives deep in the desert. Yeah. Moby Dick. It's the Moby Dick of sandworms. Exactly. Yeah. And there's one worm hunter who's like, I'm going to get that worm. Because he ate both my legs.

He ate one leg and then he decided he liked it. And he came back and he got the other one. The ones closest to you that Black Spire is pushing out of the way start thrashing. And that affects like in a ripple. Ew. They're just thrashing into each other before you know it. The whole worm pile is like roiling. And Chuck's like, oh no, I think they're getting horny. Fuck. Gross. And you can hear Ving. You can hear Black Spire go. Oh no, they're definitely not getting horny.

Instead, they're just really mad because I'm treating them like shit. What do we do? And he keeps, he starts hurrying up, but he's meeting resistance in this wall. He's like, I'm going to get this whole wall of worms. So Chuck wants to use his like bouncer chi to like push these worms out of the way. Yeah. So you're like, make room, make room. So are you like hopping down in front of Black Spire? Yeah. Okay. 2d6 plus strength. Defy danger. All right, here we go. Eight. Okay.

You can get yourselves two thirds of the way across the room and take a bunch of damage from these huge worms. Whatever. I'll do whatever for this little guy. I love this dragon. Now. Okay. Chuck loves this dragon so much. Okay. Roll a d12 for me. Holy shit. These worms are so intense. I mean, they're huge. They're cut. They have like segmented plates and huge horns on their heads. I guess it would be like if Chuck tried to fight a bunch of rhinos. Yeah, exactly. You're like horny rhinos.

I'm going to get us through this zoo guys. Don't worry. I'm going to go fight the hippo. Move it. Hippo. All right. Here we go. Oh, fuck. Seven. Okay. Seven damage. Oh my gosh. We bought a zoo guys. Yeah. So you get in there and you're just mixing it up with these worms. Are you using your axe? Are you just pushing them? I'm using my axe, but I'm pushing them with the half. Oh yeah. Like a lacrosse stick. Yeah. Yeah. I'm high sticking all of them. Yeah. Like a bouncer. Like no, no. Yes.

You know. Nerd. Cool. Back of the line. And yeah, you're pushing them out of the way. Pretty. It's not easy, but you're having an okay time with it. Black Spire. You hear him go like nice. Pretty sick. Yeah. High check. Get them. This is for you, buddy. I like this little guy, but you keep getting like slammed by a worm here, slammed by a worm there. And then one of the ones that you push away convulses at for you the wrong time and its horn whips around and just stabs you right in the peck. Ow.

So you've. Just got this worm horn in your fucking chest for a second. Ugh. And then it yanks it back out and a little bit of blue goo is left behind. Ew. Gross. But you're just like by the time you get out of here, this horn rips out of your chest. You're bleeding from your peck and you are covered like up to the waist in worm goo. You're just glowing from the waist down. Where are we out of the room? No, you're only two thirds across, right? Oh, man. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Something asks Black Spire if he has. Do you have a beautiful fiery breath? Do you have a big hot boy breath? Oh, I got. I got something, but it's pretty hardcore. How so? I don't know if this is because I've been like chomping down on these bones for so long, but whenever I do it, it comes out like a goopy. Oh, like liquidy. Yeah. Like liquidy. You know, like I got to change my diet. I think because it just comes out like liquid every time. Yeah.

Oh so what end does it come out it comes out of my mouth out of the front okay yeah like it always comes out right I assume I've never actually met another one of me but I assume this is normal it's just like if once I start letting loose you know what I mean like it gets pretty pretty dicey is it comfortable for you do you mind can you give me a bit of it oh I love to do it would you mind I think it could help us out right now okay let's see what I could do and he like hunches down on his front paws like he gets his head really close to the ground and anybody still on his back can feel him going like rubbing his back you can do it buddy yeah he's holding his hair back he's like get away the thing's in front of him he's rolled up his sleeves yeah and he's like you he makes a little like cat fur balls it sounds exactly like that yeah and then he releases this like torrent of molten stone like it just comes out like magma oh my god cover thing yeah I'm gathering it I'm opening it like this because I'm gonna pave a road because he can he walk on it actually yeah he probably can yeah but it's like it's like a magma he's barfing up lava basically I'm gonna use my spear and spread it out in a road to clear a magma road because I'm I can't be hurt by flames because I'm born in the fire true you can't like build a magma road to the other end okay yeah cool um I'm gonna need you to roll something I would say don't do it with your spear oh no because it's got ironwood it's got ironwood in it so it's non-flammable anymore and wow yeah that is pretty sick um your weapon can't catch fire too fast I'm gonna use my spear and spread it out in a road to clear a magma road to clear a magma road two that's so cool so he's painting like lava jackson pollock it's like swirling it around and like if they get too close a little singe yeah uh okay defy injury dexterity to kind of move it around in the locations that you need to spread this like liquid hot cheeto barf oh great wow you have five oh wow all right so yeah black spire is exuding expelling this molten stone ahead of you and then you can do this with a magma road so I'm gonna use this you thing it is working the thing that you're doing yeah you're throwing it down in the right spot that the worms are like recoiling and rolling away so you get to the other side of the room to this tunnel that's a lot wider than the other worms in this room are and the worms are making so much noise because they've just been like kicked to shit and set on fire in some cases that you feel like a rumble in the tunnel you hear this rumbling of stone and you hear like that's a big boy in the tunnel that we're going to yeah the tunnel that black spire is like the gross smelling rooms that way oh there's like and the worms start roiling even more and roiling away from the tunnel oh and black spire hears that happening and he gets down and all his plates flare up and he's like oh fuck this is gonna be bad oh no what is this this is the big one this is the big one get away worm yeah don't get away from the hole get away from the hole okay we run away from the hole jump on his back yeah I'm still on his back and he starts like trundling to the other side of this chamber like basically to the right hand side of the entrance and he's like going through the worms and he's like ew ew get out of here ew and then bursting from this tunnel is a worm that's like 20 feet in diameter like a subway train basically exactly a living subway train bursts from the entrance and he's like oh my god I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die that tunnel and enters this chamber and rears up on its worm stomach and lets out a piercing and its mouth opens in this like three segment grasping thing full of like razor sharp teeth whoa and you see the muscles inside their mouth that allow their teeth to basically spin inside their mouth oh gross like it doesn't spin all the way around but they go like back and forth yeah what do you do can I make a fetch I think that's a move that you have not taken yet okay but you do have the convincing illusion uh option and um yeah I'm gonna create the sexiest worm I can yes oh yeah billy yeah what does a sex what does the sexiest worm billy can imagine look like like the slimiest sandworm also pretty big and like thick um has a big horn the big just huge because I imagine the horns are secondary sexual characteristics oh yeah yeah for sure even like even as gross like tri lips have like a blushy pink on yeah big long eyelashes yeah it's got a big curly blonde wig and a red sequined dress it goes yeah it's very shiny and gross and I kind of see it as like a big horn and I imagine the horns are secondary sexual characteristics oh yeah for sure send it you know basically like the opposite direction yeah the other side of the room yeah the other side of the room or and this disgusting worm lady arrives in the thin air basically just appears and the bull worm is like distracted and I go big start translating what he's saying yeah um um um um um want to get to know each other that we can talk and make out using human sexual act and the huge bull worm just goes for it right away like start slamming through the room crashing into walls just so excited he becomes an idiot yeah I mean it's a fucking worm right like it's just like and then it starts slamming its way through this chamber crushing younger worms under it rest in peace let's get down that big hole yeah the worm slams what he said sorry oh let me get down that big hole yeah you guys unless you want to see how sand worms mate it's time to go tuck is reluctantly dragged away yeah black spires like okay time to get out of here let's go and he retracts all his plates lays them flat down on his shoulders and arms again and shoves his way into this worm tunnel and yeah you guys got to duck a little bit because he's like crushing his way through and he shoves his way down this tunnel it's like a winding up and down side to side very clearly not built it's an organic tunnel that's been used for a long time it seems like it branches off in a bunch of different directions and yeah after like 15 minutes of him cramming his way down this tunnel you know this tunnel is a lot smaller than I remember it being this is uh getting a little tight it's getting a little tight bros suck in suck in and he's like basically on his stomach now like pushing with his back legs shoving his way fucking winnie the poo him into the final chamber oh you know I was just in a bulk phase I love this fucking dragon and he does eventually bring you to what he describes as the gross smelling room of which you speak and yeah you find what looks to be a small doorway more human sized than giant sized carved out of a wall of one of these tunnels this is it I don't think I could make it in here so you might be on your own now bro yeah I'm gonna go oh no wait wait please we need your help I'll leave you a snack oh and I love you now a snack you say yeah totally and I touched one of the big stones behind me uh to turn into an obsidian 2d6 plus charisma 11 okay perfect he's like okay I'll uh and he pushes with his front paws because he can't turn around now oh he's shoved himself so far into this tunnel that he can't turn around and you hear him actually you're like yeah I'll uh I'll leave this boulder for you it'll be obsidian if you want to go to the next tunnel and he's like yeah I'll uh I'll leave this boulder for you it'll be obsidian if you want to go to the next tunnel and he's want it and he's like okay I can't see it because he's like okay I can't see it because he's facing away from you facing away from you I'm I'll try push it I'll try push it no no I'm I'll try push it I'll try push it no no no don't push I'll just push backwards don't push I'll just push backwards go inside and I'll push backwards okay go inside and I'll push backwards okay I love you uh okay I love you uh okay all right I love you too all right Okay, I'll see you in a bit.

I'll see you in a bit. I love you. Okay. And you go in the doorway, and then it's just the doorway's blocked for a second by like massive obsidian plates as he shoves his way backwards into the tunnel. And then you see his huge head. He's like, what's up? And he starts chomping on this obsidian boulder. And yeah, you find yourself in a very still room that smells ever so faintly, almost not at all, of desert sage. Is the person in here? Discern realities. Yeah, let's discern realities. Eight.

Okay, you get one question. What in here should we be on the lookout for? Yeah. Describe the church for me. Describe what this actual temple looks like. It's vaulted ceilings, but they come down very deep. And then there's pillars of obsidian carved out of giant bones. Meeting them and then paintings going in between. It looks like stories with some old scripts. And just a whole lot of portraits and like tapestry style frescoes on the ceiling. Yeah. Dark purples and greens and blues.

A lot of blacks. Awesome. There's a ship. Huge obsidian brazier in the middle with a lot of ashes around it. Actually, the brazier itself is lit. What? And there's sconces around the perimeter of this room that are also lit. Of fire? Fire. What color is the fire? Red fire. Oh, okay. Normal, regular old fire. Normal fire. Is it hot? It is hot, yeah. There's a couple sculptures and statues in the room and you see something on the ground ahead of you. What is it? It's a pile of fabric.

Can we go up to the fabric? Yeah, totally. It looks like it's like a robe. Like it has a hood and a few layers and it's very simply made, but simply made by someone very skilled. You know what I mean? Like it's got some nice ornamentation, but it's not gaudy. Is the ornamentation like the tent? It is like the tent, yeah. So whoever's in that tent is naked in this room. Tug pads down his eyebrows. I'm going to go look. Yeah, I'm going to go try and find a naked person.

And then you hear him like run off and then you hear him go, Allison. I will say that it's not a huge place. Like there's maybe one more chamber next to it, but it's a pretty small complex. And Perel's looking around like, this is incredible. Can I discern realities? Yeah, totally. Yes. Nine. Nine. Nine. Thing, can you help me? Yeah, for sure. Yeah. I show him the cloak. Wow. Plus bond. Cool. Eight. All right. That's a 10. You get three questions from discern realities.

What happened here recently? Someone entered this building, lit all these braziers and sconces for some reason, probably heard you all coming, heard the like grinding of the huge worm and black spire and, and then the you're just looking everywhere. It's a pretty, it's the room is so still besides the burning fire that you're like surprised that there are supposedly somebody in here and you're looking at the paintings.

You're looking at the sculptures and statues and you find one statue that you're like pretty impressed by. Cause it's a little bit more ornate than everything else in here. And you're looking at it for a while and you get closer and you realize that this statue has also been lit from within. It's a statue of a person, a humanoid figure about five and a half feet tall. And Billy, you climb up on it and you're looking at the face.

It's this like pretty jovial looking like it has an outline of like the smiling eyes. And then like a very calmly smiling mouth. And you're like, Hmm, tapping on it and stuff like that. And then you are pretty surprised when the statue moves. Billy, it's a gin. And it pushes Billy. The statue pushes you off of it and starts scrambling to the other side of the room. Oh no. Uh, what is about to happen? Uh, this gin is trying to get away. It's, it's running towards the door. Oh my God.

It certainly looks like a gin. As soon as Billy starts inspecting it, tuck clocks that it was a gin that Billy's over by. So he starts moving to like catch it. Yeah. Okay. Sounds good. Uh, defy danger, dexterity, uh, nine help. I can aid. Yeah. Bing also dashes over. Yeah. Perel, uh, tries to help and immediately trips over a low bench and hits the ground because Hugo, I'll stay here. Nurse my shin. Yeah. Yeah. I'll hold down the fort. Great. Seven. All right. 10. So what do you do?

Just tackle this thing. No tuck whips off the Dick adventure. Man. Lasso that he's been. Oh yeah. Sorry. Not Dirk. Dirk adventure. Man. He whips off the Dirk adventure. Man. Lasso that he's had this whole time. And he's like, not so fast. Evil do. Being in parallel with each other. Like, uh, he's doing it. He said the line. Yeah. And he, he like, he whips the lasso at the gin, trying to catch it. And he says, cardamom, help me. Cause his horse, his name is cardamom in the book.

And the, uh, the rope does horse with the iron. Who thinks like, I guess I'm cardamom in this. Yeah. I think I need your fucking help. No problem. I've been a horse before. I can do it right now. Uh, Ving uses his, um, saffron rope and gets him on the other side. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Nice. So we are like kind of hog tied. Yeah. You get this thing on both sides. You get with the one lasso around it, it keeps running and then you get the other lasso around it and it just stops, holds up its hands.

It goes, I surrender. It speaks. Why have you come here? Who are you? I don't have to tell you that. Why not? We have you tied up. Who are you? We are not having to tell you that. Not. Yeah. Until you tell us. Tell us who you are. Real standoff here. Yeah. Now they're getting cagey. You're, it's, you're one of nine. Come on. Like we know you're not third. One of 11. Okay. 11's dead. Okay. All right. Okay. I am ninth. Ninth. Where are you from?

That is a complicated question, but I'm a resident of the world. What does that mean? I am a historian, a scholar. I travel. Huh. A rogue. It laughs. Yeah. It's laugh. Sounds like, cause it's like crackling flame inside. I suppose a rogue. Yes. Huh? A real dick adventurement. Fuck. Chuck is actually getting it wrong. And ninth tilts his head. When you say dick adventurement, Dirk, I meant Dirk adventurement. I am unfamiliar. And then tuck takes out the book that he is now obsessed with.

And he gives it to the gin. Hmm. Oh, the gin reads it instantly. Oh yeah. Like the ninth reaches out and his clay fingers like touch the book for a moment. And that laugh that emits again. Ah, exciting. Wait, you read it just by touching it. Information is my specialty. Oh, do each of the gins have like, a special, uh, you can roll Spout Lore. Or can I use gods in their servants? There you go. You can use gods in your servants. Fuck you. Spout Lore. What? I'm excited that you're using this.

So what's your question? Oh, do the gin have different specialties? Yeah. So the ones that we know are third and I don't have a way that doesn't sound like a real world religion to say this, but third is basically the sort of God. Yeah. Like the most powerful warrior. Amongst the 11 gin eighth is the one that lives in McCall and just lives a humble life is like a tailor or something like that. What's their specialty?

Eighth just loves people and decided that she wanted to live in McCall and the, the dinner kind of a family. So they keep tabs on each other. Oh, but eighth is one of the least involved. Whoa. And third killed 11th. Yeah, that's a big deal. What was 11th? 11th. No one really knows actually. Wow. I don't know. Like it happened long enough ago. It happened like right after they were created sort of thing. Yeah. The stories are unclear.

Eighth, 11th is basically considered like in the religion, like a heretic, a rebel, like tried to tear down the church of the flame and was destroyed for it. Holy shit. Yeah. That's relevant to our current quest. And yeah, ninth is a traveler, a historian. Well, like, yeah, a historian traveler. They, they like to, they like to investigate lost cultures. Yeah. A rogue scholar places just like this. Cool. Yeah. Sort of like a keeper. Yeah. They want to learn about like the history of the world.

So they're drawn to ruins and old cities. Cool. Cool. But yeah, so this is ninth. Oh, I, I actually forgot what didn't look like. Are they like all like clay? Yeah. They have hollow ceramic bodies. They also look very different. Like thirds look basically like a suit of armor. Yeah. And a furious, like grimacing face. Whereas ninth is very small comparatively and has a very smiling, benevolent face. Oh, okay. Yeah. But moves just very humanistic. Yeah, exactly.

He just kind of looks like a history professor. So eighth would have to like dress up in wraps. Like, are they trying to blend in? Yeah. And actually, uh, ninth goes over and picks up the robe that you found and starts putting it back on. Okay. He takes the robe from Billy. Man, I guess. Yeah. Sorry. Thank you. I'll close my eyes while you get dressed. Sorry. Uh, no apology necessary.

I, I admit that I, I may have panicked when I heard people coming and, uh, I thought that it was best that I hide, but I see that you found me. So my name is Bing. I'm Billy. Bing, Billy. I'm Tacoma dome. Tacoma dome. The barbarian. And I am Perel. Oh, sorry. Shit. I forgot he was here. And, uh, he whips the hat off of my head and then does a flourishing. Let's sit back on. Yeah. And, and ninth nods at each of you in turn. I admit I am, um, frightened, worried. Why have you come to this place?

Uh, cause we're looking for the dark church. Our friend here used to be a magician. That is right. I used to be a magician. I'm a magician of great power and importance. Okay. Perel, just calm down. Easy. I don't know why you're using that voice. I was a, I was a wizard. I was a wizard and I'm not anymore because of any kind of tilt his head a tuck. Some people. Yeah. We killed a dick monster that lived inside of him. Uh, the, and then that took away his power. Hmm.

And now he's really upset about it. As you can tell. And also I, and then I turned to probably like you said you wouldn't bring it up anymore. We're just, we, we, we met somebody new who needs to know what we're doing. And if part of that is that they need to know how you fucked me, then, uh, you know, that's just part of it. Okay. Are you serious? Yeah. I'm serious that we need to tell this. We need to tell ninth what happened. Oh my God. Okay, fine. Am I being, am I being an asshole?

Am I being an asshole? He looks at all of you, your tones being an asshole. Okay. All right. All right. I'll come. All right. We anyways, a gin. You're a gin. I am a gin. Yes. And I have come here. I suspect for the same reasons that you have to, uh, also look for the dark guard and get Pearl, his wizard magic back. And also to figure out the secrets of the dark church. Yes. Perhaps we have not come here for exactly the same reasons. Okay. Okay. What did you come here for?

Well, I'm sure that you are well aware, but the torch of McCall was recently. Defeated has gone missing. Oh, Oh, no way. Who's that? Ah, I see. We wouldn't know where he is right now. And as you're all like, Oh yeah, that's crazy. Wow. That's the first I'm hearing about this. Talk starts knocking on a obsidian pillar. He's like, Oh, is this? Oh, what is it made out of? And ninth nods and says, ah, I see. See what? Sorry. My voice. So high. I'm not nervous.

So please, you are speaking with one who has spent millennia connecting the dots as it were history and information come to me as easy as breath to you. You can stop blinking that much. Now, Doug is blinking so much. What are you talking about? And a ninth holds up one of their hands and is like, I bear no I'll will. Towards you. Oh, okay. Okay. Oh God, we fucking murdered him. We really did him in. We didn't murder him. He's still alive. He's just a prisoner. He's our prisoner.

It's a turn of phrase. The demon is all like tied up and he can't like do anything right now. And we're trying to like kill the demon or something like don't want him here anymore. To be fair, he asked for our help. Yeah. Billy's so nervous that he starts burping. He puked a lot. A little bit that time. That shepherd's pie is repeating on all of us. Yeah, it's not good. It's not great. So glad I didn't need any of that. Yeah.

And to be totally honest, the quest we're on right now, we got Farhan is the one that told us to come here to figure out. Cause he like the demon of zealotry that was writing him. What had like these machinations to do with the dark guards. We're just trying to fucking figure out like anything. As, as am I. After the, the torch went missing, I spoke with some of my siblings and one was able to deliver to me a coin bearing an eye and made of black as stone. Oh yeah. Like these.

And I threw it around in my backpack. So I can't find anything in this thing. Sorry. It's just a Pez dispenser. Oh fuck. In the shape of a hippo. That's weird. Just dumps it all out. Like it's a big purse. Those ones. Ah, yes. Identical to those. Yes. And I suspected that there was some connection. A symbol of an eye has cropped up many times in the history of McCall. And in my research, I found reference to this place and I followed my instincts. And here we are.

It's serendipitous that our paths are to cross me, a servant of the God of the flame and you, those who defeated the God's most powerful servant. Your goal is to, to investigate the dark guard itself and to return your friend's power. Yeah, I guess so. Wait, you're a servant of the God in so many words. Yes. If it were not for the God of the flame, I would be formless. Oh, do you like being a gin or is this like a slave situation? It is difficult to explain.

Spill or no, no, it is really yells that at, tell us it is difficult to explain. Did you choose to be born? I did. Yeah, Billy did. Yeah. And ninth looks at you for a moment or, you know, their ceramic face plate turns to you and goes, ah, a fairy. Yes. Fascinating. Thank you. Okay. So perhaps not your experience, but before, before, I was bound to this body, I existed in a realm between. And then after untold aeons of life, I found myself in this body and I could rebel.

I could fight it, but instead I chose to experience a world I had not. And here I am. Were you, were you in the outer dark? Hmm. Is that the realm that you came from? No, me and my siblings, my family, we are something else. Like what? We, we are embers of a greater fire. We are cinders given life. Wow. Sparks given the opportunity to walk amongst the people and experience. That which would be destroyed by the presence of a great conflagration. What was it?

A sneeze or a last sneeze into a laugh. That was a huge burp. Okay. Really quietly barfed into his hands at the magnitude of the situation. And then respectfully put it on the ground. Respectfully ate it again. I'm so sorry. Sorry. There's a lot. I'm just really nervous. What is the God of the Flame, then? That is not for me to answer. How do you contact? We are. Always. How does the sun contact the moon? The light shines, the fire burns.

What is the God of the Flame's interest in the Dark Church? And the Dark Guard. That, again, I cannot speak to. I can only speak to my own interest, and that is understanding. And watching. Preparing, should the time to act come. And this appears to me to be the closest that time to act has ever been. If it's true that the so-called Torch of Makal represented a greater movement than the Torch of Makal, then I'm not sure.

If it's true that the so-called Torch of Makal represented a greater movement than the Torch of Makal, within the Outer Dark, with eyes upon creation, then we are all in great danger. Of what? Perpetuation? Is that a word? It deliberately asks the three of you. I don't know much about words. I am the wrong person to ask. The Dark Guard wishes to sow a field, the crops of which they can reap for eternity. Preservation. Preservation, yes. And ninth points at Tacoma. Yes.

The Dark Guard may or may not seek to… Enslave the world, if that is not too fine a point to put on things. What is their harvest? Continuation. Okay. They wish to create environments in which they can continue their work for eternity. Oh, shit. Yeah. This is like what the Torch told us. Remember when we were fighting him, where he was like, I win as long as I can keep going. Right. So like, if the Torch… Oh, I see.

Like, if the icon of competition wanted to continue forever, imagine if the Olympics never ended. Right. You know what I mean? Their goal is to create a place where each icon can exist in perpetuity, be themselves. Essentially self-actualize for eternity. Yeah. So they always want to, like, create an environment where there's always turmoil, basically. Because if you solve it, then they have nothing left to move towards.

But if everyone's fighting and confused, then it just keeps going on for generations, as long as you fuel that. Exactly. Like, if we were talking about the other day, like, if icons want to bring order to things, they want to always bring order. They want to bring order forever. And for that to happen, there has to be chaos as well. Mm-hmm. So they want a never-ending cycle. Yeah, exactly. They just want a feedback loop that never, ever ends. Yeah. At least that is my hypothesis.

I, myself, am considering what my next steps would be. In my watching, if the so-called torch was but one piece of the puzzle, then I am looking for an opportunity to find the next. What is your next step? Can we come with you? You seem like you know what you're doing. We have a dragon. I must confer, I believe, with my siblings. Yes. The city itself is something that we all care a great deal about. And following the disappearance of the Torch of McCall, the city itself is in great turmoil.

And this is not something that we can comfortably abide. The city is our god's greatest work. And we will see it through. As for what your gold is, I can't say. Yeah, what do we want to… Let's talk as players. Yeah. What do you guys want? Do you want… Is it of your greatest priority to help Perel get his magic back? That's his greatest priority. He needs it. Is it to stop the Dark Guard? Do you think you're like, let's save the world kind of people? Or do you have your own goals?

Do I want Perel to get his magic back? Maybe. But maybe not. And out of spite? I don't want you to have your power back. Or just because you don't really care? No. Because like… As I'm learning more about all this stuff, I'm like, I'm seeing the point where it's like evil-ish. Yeah. Oh, magic. Yeah. Like, do you want your uncle to have a speedboat? Like, I don't. And I don't want him to make more frogs. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

He's gonna fucking get drunk and drive that thing into a Bennigan's for sure. But also, he's like, I want him to stop wearing mustaches and costumes. And I think the only way to do that is to get his magic back. We got him. We got him.

I think that also, yeah, at least you can imagine, Tuck, from the stories you heard, and Ving, from the books you've been reading, the idea of the Dark Guard as like the Dark Guard, capital T, capital D, capital G, was a way from a call to conceptualize this idea that there's this union of malevolent forces. But it's not like it exists in the sense that they're not like, the Power Rangers, and we're the evil Power Rangers. Yeah.

They're not a fucking council that meets on top of a black mountain during a thunderstorm. Yeah, exactly. And makes evil plans. It's just, yeah. At least the torch seems to have been, according to Farhan, a powerful icon that had an overarching goal that involved other icons, which at least as far as you know for demons is unusual. That's what the most unusual thing is. They don't usually even acknowledge each other, but these ones seem to be considering other icons as they act.

So should we figure out why they're doing that? Yeah. I was just thinking about earlier seasons where we were talking about how magic created all these openings and portals for stuff to move between basically the spirit world and the material world. And it's like, what if we got Pearl's magic back, but instead of like frogs, we could find out how… How to basically like toss those demons back out to the outer dark. Yeah. Yeah. That's an interesting idea. And be able to close it up.

Like reestablish the kind of walls between the worlds. Yeah. Yeah. And use his excitement and fervency of getting his old power back to actually do something good. Yeah. Now that he's been traveling around seeing, like we're doing big things accidentally sort of. Yeah. The way we fumble through the world. Yeah. Yeah. But he was taking that in too. Totally. Right? Yeah. He knows that there's bigger things out here than frogs. Yeah. He's learned…

He's learned a lot about the world in the last year. He's seen a lot more than he did when he was a man. Because he basically… He was a dude that was like born in the principalities and became a wizard when he was like in his mid 40s. Yeah. And then lived for, you know, 100, 200 years after that. Basically as royalty. It really… I can totally see the logic.

Behind like, okay, well, we got a guy who's like looking to get his magic back and magic in the past has been a huge tool, like a huge weapon. So why don't we prioritize getting this magic back? And then that could help. Because also like, there's no way we're going to be able to like chuck out a bunch of demons without any sort of like further progress into like getting magic back. Yeah. Actually, yeah. You think there might be a connection.

Perel has told you that he thinks that he's going to be able to get his magic back. I think there might be a connection to the disappearance of the wizards and that absence and why it became… Easier? Easier for icons to pass into the material world. Yeah. This makes a lot of sense because the Exodus is what kicked all of this shit off. So it sounds like we need to try to like figure out what other demons are opening up the cracks in the worlds.

Like the other pieces of the chain, the dark guard. And… But we also need to help… We also need to help Perel get his magic back so we can close those cracks. Yeah. Back up. And… Ninth is like, once you guys are like, okay, yeah. So maybe we should think about trying to prioritize getting Perel's magic back. And Perel's like, thank you. This is what I've been saying for months. He comes up in between all of us talking. Yeah. He pushes his way up through the middle of your huddle.

Thank you. How do you still smell like hamburger helper? This is fucking crazy. I don't know what you mean. And he walks away and starts eating something out of his pocket. Are you serious? Are you serious? No, I'm kidding. It's too old now. And Ninth has just been walking around looking at stuff. Like touching a painting, touching a sculpture. And Ninth actually… Ninth calls from across the room. I'm sorry. I was distracted.

But now that I think about it, there is somewhat of a correlation in the world's history between the frequency and magnitude of iconic presence on the planet. And the disappearance of wizards. That's fascinating. And then is looking at a candelabra. Because the dark church is so steeped in the druidic magic. Is this our rabbit hole to go down to get him his magic? Like these ancient, ancient rituals that led wizards to grab from the druids.

This is the underground like relic of old druidic and dark elf magic. Yeah. Starting him back at the beginning of like the history of druidic and wizard magic. And who better to guide us on a historic thing than the djinn, the spirit of history. Well, there's some bad news there. Oh, no. Something interesting that Ninth mentions is… I have no legs. I can't walk. I just float around like a little ball of light. Lieutenant Dan, you ain't got no legs. Uh. That's fine. Lieutenant. Lieutenant.

Lieutenant. Ninth mentions, when it comes to this so-called dark church, there is a gap in my understanding. That knowledge is unavailable to me. Wait, what do you mean unavailable? You just don't know it? I've just, I've never, I've heard of almost all things, but this dark church is elusive. You're in a dark church. You just read a book about the dark church. There's more truth in that than you know. And Ninth looks around and goes, oh. Oh, fascinating.

And starts walking around the room again. Wait. What? Wait, wait, wait. What do you remember about this book? Dark Adventureman. Traveler. Adventurer. But what, what, what is the, what is the title of this book? Bringer of the Black Flame. What is the title of the book? Do you remember the title of the book? Fascinating. Fascinating. And Ninth reaches out and touches the book again. Dark Adventureman. Explorer. Archaeologist. Title of the book? What the fuck? What?

He can't see the truth in this book. Fascinating. He's only seeing the fiction. Oh, shit. He's got selective eye brains. How? What? Thing says. Selective eye brains? I've seen it before. Mostly in racists. I love saying something like selective eye brains. And then following it up with, I've seen it before. Yeah. This thing that doesn't make any sense. There was a kid in my school. He's dumb as shit. Yeah. He missed all of gym because it's selective eye brain. So like, does the gin see stuff?

And then if it doesn't like basically serve the God of the flame, it's wiped from him. Hard to say. It just, it would appear that information about this specific place and the people that gathered here slides right off. Oh my God. What if he was here to do? Oh my God. Destroy this dark church. Why are you here? To gather information about what? How? I was here to investigate Chronicle. I cannot recall. I must go. I cannot remain here any longer.

And ninth, like bundles up his robe, like around his chest and starts rushing out of the room. It was a pleasure to meet you. How do we keep? Contact with you. If I require your services, I will find you. What if we need you though? My siblings are my siblings will. I must go. I, I'm sorry. And yeah, it's the guy like just, he, he mentioned, he says like my siblings, the city, like it's a bunch of his thoughts are very jumbled right now. And he goes, I'm sorry, I must go.

And hustles out of the room and turns in the doorway and says, it was a pleasure to meet you. And then walks out and turns to the right and goes, hello. And you hear, and then turns to the left and carries on up the tunnels. That's the thing I just realized about the fact that being in this dragon, we're having pretty casual conversation is we're deaf now for sure.

I think Black Spire was being pretty considerate about that after a while, like after he would speak and he'd see Billy like cover his ears. He'd be like, okay, I gotta be quiet. It's just a lot. Yeah. Uh, okay. So you ninth has gone. And, um, from the doorway, you see Black Spire shove his way further in so he can see the doorway and turns his head into the passage. It was like everything was going on. Is everything still cool? Everything good. Yeah.

I think we just want to look around for another second. I'm going to spend some time. I can commune with the whispers of this church. Oh, it's so cool. Okay. Should I have eaten that guy? No. What did you eat that? No, no, no, no. Spit him out right now. You spit him out. No, I'm wondering if I should eat that guy. No, no, no, no, no. Okay. All right. Well, okay. I'm just gonna, I'm just vibing. I'm just literally vibing out here. So take your time.

It's like, like eyes closed, not watching, plugging his ears from all the worm sex happening. He's got little earbuds in and he's listening to new metal. Just take your time. I'm just listening, listening to Uncle Cracker. That's what we hear from his ear. I don't know. He puts the back. Okay. Oh yeah. Communal whispers. I always get so excited when you use this move.

When you've spent time in a place making note of its resident spirits and calling on the spirits of the land, roll plus wisdom to be granted a vision of significance to you, your allies, and the spirits around you. 10 plus visions clear and helpful. Seven to nine visions unclear. Great. Holy shit. 11. Whoa. Yes. I think that, cause we just talked about. Oh, maybe this dark church has rituals that are connected to ways to get power.

I think that's what the vision you have is, is one of those rituals taking place that like that happened in this church. You sit there and you're burning your desert sage and trying to get into your vision pocket that you usually are in when you do this shit, which is really hard. Yeah. How does Ving do it? Uh, he used to go into the spirit world, didn't he? Yeah. Back in the day when he communed with the whispers.

So maybe now you're feeling yourself connect to something else that you're unfamiliar with, but feels similar. It's familiar, but alien. And this, you're connecting to this like current, this river of something, energy, spirit. You're not really sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Drop into your vision state.

Your eyes cloud over and you're given sight beyond sight, looking through the eyes of another, and you open your eyes and you're in this room, in this church, but you're surrounded by figures. There are people all around you wearing rough-spun hempen robes and carved wooden animal masks of a variety of figures. There's a wolf, a stag, a bird, there's like a fish. It's a lot of weird, different types of animals.

And standing in front of you, there is a figure whose mask is a melding of animal and human features that looks like the figure represented in the mask is in great pain. And you can tell that the mask itself has been burned. You can see like… You know when you look at a burned log and the wood is split in ashy in some places? It looks like that. And they're standing in front of you. Between you and this person is that obsidian brazier. And they're holding in their hand a cup.

And that cup, you know, is full of blood. And you know that moments ago, someone was slain to fill that cup. And they walk in front of you, stand at the edge of the brazier in front of you, and pour the blood into the brazier. And the bowl is filled with black flame. And you know that the next step is to thrust your hands into the flame and eat the burning cinders inside. And you do this, searing your mouth and tongue. You can feel the embers sliding down your throat into your stomach.

And you are filled with elation. As the power of the person that was slain fills you and connects you to a greater purpose. And you come back to your own Ving human body, half-elf body, in this empty room and a cold brazier in front of you. The flames have since gone out. The magic is very dark. I'm saying this to Peril. Is it too dark? Or do you think that it's worth it? It takes a blood sacrifice. Are you ready to draw blood to get that power back? I'm not sure. What now?

Maybe there's like a less bloody ritual that we can find. Like, that was just one. You just saw one of the potential ones. Maybe there's like a way to fix it or make it better or less gross and weird and eyes wide shut-esque. When I had my ritual, when they- I sacrificed my ability to shape shift, I reluctantly and at great pains to me and my spirit shifted through every form I've ever taken and they drew blood from each form. Wait, they? I always thought you just did this on your own. No.

There were others. Are there people in McCall that know more about this stuff? Yes. Do we go find them? Yeah, I feel like the next step is that we go find these people. They found me. Oh. I have no idea how to find them. Do we need to go back to the city? That's where they found me. Alright. Well then we return to the library, we tell Farah what we found, and then we go to McCall and we track these people down. Alright. That's where we're gonna end it for this week.

I'm your Game Master, Sean O'Hara. Joining me as always playing Ving the half-elf druid Paul Oppers. Take care. Playing Tacoma Dome the barbarian Abdulaziz. So long. And playing Fat Billy the halfling thief Jessica Tai. Bye everyone. Thanks to Erin Reid for our intro and outro music as always. And thank you to you, our incredible supporters.

Uh, you can support the show online at speltloremostplaces, including patreon.com slash speltlore, where you can get access to exclusive bonus material, exclusive merchandise, and, uh, join our discord. Show notes have a link to that. Everybody's welcome. Come on by. And if you feel so inclined, leave us a review on iTunes. We'd really appreciate it. See you next time. And so ends the tale of adventures three, who tried the best they can.

Though dumb and scared and lost they be, for time's abreast in revelry. And though our journey may be like a conclusion, we will not leave you without a resolution. Return next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores. And for you, I'd gladly Spout Lore. See you then.