Episode 4 – Pinewood

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape, and wields a spear with great might Peely's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends, and listen close For the tale's about to start Welcome to Spout Lore everybody!

When last we left our heroes, a lot had happened They had traveled from the city of Highspear through the rest of the Highspear principality Over the borders of the Firefields Learning about themselves, learning about each other, and learning about an axe that Tuck has now Smashes rocks, real good Yeah, it's getting pretty intense And being offered to teach me more about what it does And I said that smashing rocks was good enough for me It sings Yeah, smashing rocks though Yeah, it's still smashing rocks It's a lot of work It's a lot of work It's a lot of work It's a lot of work It's a lot of work them into weapons and stuff.

Shaped like a throwing star, but he can't leave his hand. I mean, you could probably snap it off, but it probably hurt a lot. Billy had a bit of a revelatory experience on his own where he realized where he came from and that he is, in fact, a fairly old fairy boy instead of a halfling child. Yes. It's true. And he has learned to harness his innate fairy magic to make things taste like other things. Yeah, that's about it. Walk by a rock. I think we already discussed this.

Looks like a rock, tastes like a cookie. Eat the rock. Don't eat rocks, Billy. Put the rock down, Billy. Lick it and put it down. Stop eating rocks. If you have to taste it, taste it, but don't eat the rock. Just swallowing pebbles all the way to this town. It's a problem that we've been dealing with. It's like when parents have to deal with a kid who eats too much paste. And then we're having conversations where we're just like, I don't understand why he keeps doing it.

And then we start fighting because I think that any amount of paste is too much paste, but you still let him have some paste. I mean, he can take some rocks, but it's getting unmanageable at this point. I say no rocks. He seems to be digesting them in some fashion. No, they come out whole. Yeah, you weren't… We've had to help him through some rough shits. He's a wizard, not a gizzard. Pretty good. Pretty good. You're a gizzard, Harry. Jesus.

And you had spent some quality time with Mears, who has been traveling with you. Mears has learned that he loves cooking on the road and in doing so has blown through weeks worth of rations. In his defense, it was also us goading him. Come on. Into making better and better food. He was an orphan growing up, so he's making up for all the food he didn't get to eat as a kid. Mears? He has a dad. You met his dad. His mom's a piece of shit, though. But she's not dead. I know, but he thinks they are.

No, he doesn't. He says it all the time. That's his excuse. We're like, we met your dad. I'm an orphan. I never had. Yeah, he's trying to fit in with the three of us because we're orphans. Yeah, except Bing also has a dad. He told you that. Yeah, but he's a piece of shit. Fuck my dad. At least my mom never fucked my dad. Maybe that's what orphan means in this world. If you just don't like your parents, you're an orphan. Yeah, you can orphan from your parents.

And I guess Billy technically has a dad. It's a tree. That was not clear to me last time. He's a piece of shit, though. Billy still thinks he has parents. Yeah, because he's had successive generations of surrogate parents. No, wait. I think he would like that to happen, but I think he knows. He's from the tree. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. So he's trying to come to terms with this memory. Like, try and make sense of it. Yeah. His quest for family has always been a quest for people family.

It's a tree family. Yeah. Yeah. He wants to relate. Yeah, because he tried playing and having a catch with a tree, and it didn't work. Didn't work. It's just him throwing a baseball against a tree. Standing in front of a tree waiting for him to throw it back all day. Come on. Come on. Throw it. Then he waddles up and picks it up again and waddles back. Yeah. And that's how William found him. Throwing a baseball at a tree. I bought you a glove. Kid, what are you doing? Just take me home. Okay.

And that ended with the three of you and Mears and Francis, the woolly pig hippo thing, arriving at the village of Pinewood. And the rains have started, right? Yeah. The rains have begun. So monsoon season is upon us. Yes. The monsoons have arrived. That's the name of a pretty good metal album. The monsoons have arrived? Yeah. Yeah. It was the first album of a group called The Monsoons. Ooh. They broke up right after the album came out.

But every once in a while in the wet season, they come back. Yeah. And they get everyone pretty wet. You fucking know it. And so when you arrived in the town of Pinewood. Jessica, laugh into the mic when I say something funny. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Don't want to be loud. Laugh into the mic so everybody knows the joke I made was received well. Yeah. There's too many times that I make jokes that I hear Jessica laughing very quietly. And I'm like, fuck, I can't boost this enough. Fine, fine, fine.

Okay, I'll laugh more to make you feel better about your jokes. Oh, Abdul seems so sad underneath the brevity. You know, you can just take her laughter from elsewhere. Oh, yeah. Chopping. Chopping some other laugh. So every time Abdul makes a joke, it's the same laugh. Just ha, ha, ha. Cuts off abruptly. You arrived in the village of Pinewood on the shore of a lake. And you were greeted as heroes and warriors as you had apparently, accidentally, unknowingly answered a call that the town put out.

The person that greeted you, Merbo, was thrilled that the warriors that they'd called for had arrived. And the town's problems were now over. It was like an open call for warriors. Yes. So they just put out a bunch of mails to a bunch of towns for a bunch of warriors? Well, we can get right into it. Yeah. Here we are. So we… And what… Wait, before we get into it. What does Pinewood look like? It is nestled in the trees.

Like, there's a few open areas, but a lot of buildings are built next to or under the canopy. So there's a lot of wood buildings. It's fairly spread out. Like, once you looked around Pinewood, you're like, oh, this town's a lot bigger than I thought it was. It's just really spread out. Oh. Yeah. It's like a provincial campsite. There's a little camp, like, picnic table. Wasn't this, like, Goldstream Park? Yes. Yeah. I've imagined this is sort of like the…

Because I describe a lot of stuff as Goldstream Park. One communal toilet. Yeah. Nobody can shit. There's one campsite next to that toilet, which is the one that you always end up getting. Yeah. Yeah. If you're late. I've had that one before. Yeah. You were late. Yeah. There's a pretty wide variety of, like, dwelling. There are large wooden and stone buildings all the way down to just sort of, like, lean twos that are up against trees. Yeah. You can walk forward a little bit after you arrive.

Is there a wall around the camp? Sorry. There's a lake on one side. Is it like a tree fort? Yeah. Like, there's whittled sticks. Yeah. Yeah. It's a palisade. It's a wooden palisade. Like a fort. Like a bunch of just trees that have been cut down and put side by side. Yep. Pretty much. Like the colonists. The colonialists. Are you talking about, like… In Pocahontas? You know, like, welcome to Jamestown, Virginia. She's thinking about Pocahontas. I am. Okay. Jamestown in Pocahontas.

Virginia Company. Yeah. Why are you doing an Indian accent? I'm not. And I mean, like, India. Indian. I thought I was doing a British accent. That one's British. Okay. British India. Yeah. It does… Like, the one border of the town is the lakeshore. Like, it does go down to the lake, and then the palisade goes off into the woods and encloses an area. And there are a bunch of people here. They were all very excited when they heard that the warriors had finally arrived, and Merbo took you into…

A large building near the center of town that you get is sort of, like, town hall sort of vibe. And there are so many people. They're, like, clapping you on the back. They're like, oh, finally. Finally, our problems are over. And they're all so excited. There's, like… Somebody starts playing a flute. It's just great. Everybody's psyched. They're handing us flute. Except for… They're not psyched about the flute guy. Yeah. Everyone's just like, fuck. Yeah.

There's a dude with a huge wooden flute, and he's just like… And you can see the people next to him. Yeah. And he's just like… He's the only one with dreadlocks? It's a pan flute. And they have that really… Oh, but, like, really long, so he demands a lot of room in the space he's in. He has, like, a pan flute with, like, 200 different things. And he's holding it like this. It takes him so long. His arms are, like, ripped, because he has to move the flute really fast to play.

He has so many lip slivers. Just red and bloody. Or they're just calloused. He's got two leathery lips. He's on a slack line as he's doing it. Yeah. And when he's not playing the flute, he just devil sticks. Jessica, into the mic. I am. Don't yell at me. No. So, Merbo takes you into Town Hall, and as he's walking in, it's a beautifully made place. Like, there's a lot of really nice woodwork. It's very solidly made. There's a lot of fine…

Some cool, like, designs carved on the outside and inside. Oh, wow. You're… The crown moldings in here are nice. Oh! I like how you've used the burls in the wood and followed the natural curls. It's beautiful. Oh, Pinewood prides itself on the fine woodworkers that we have in the village. All of the buildings here have been built by the same family, and they have a fine tradition of carpentry and architecture. Oh, nice. Which family? He says, yeah.

The Burl family's been building buildings in Pinewood for generations. Is that you guys, or what? No, I'm not a Burl. What's your last name? Merlewood? Burl? Merbo? Merblewood? Fenning. Merbo Fenning. Fine family. My brother and I, we've been the headmen of Pinewood for 20 years. Are there, like, paintings or anything inside the… It's all carvings. What are the carvings of? The previous heads people of the town. Oh. Pinewood. Some scenes of significant events.

There's one of a dude just, like, punching out a horse. Whoa. Yeah. I like this one. I run over to it. What is this? Oh, that's a fine day in Pinewood's history. One day, a horse came into town and got all uppity, and the brother of the mayor, Tegbig Foreman, just punched him right in the snout. Was it a talking horse? Yes. It was very disrespectful in other ways. Whoa. What ways? He just had a way about him. Oh, yeah. You ever seen a horse and you've just been like, God, this piece of shit?

Yeah. No. Sure. Oh. Yeah, totally. What is happening here? Oh, a lot of things. Anyways, come along. We've been waiting for weeks and weeks and weeks for the warriors to arrive, and now everything is going to be… All right. And he takes you through the town hall. Guys, how far are we going to go with this? All the way? All the way. Yeah. And Mears is following behind like, I really don't know if we should be taking this much time. Shut up, Mears. Shut the fuck up, Mears.

This is how you adventure. First of all, lower your stupid voice. Hey. I feel like I'm speaking the quietest out of all four of us. Mears. Mears. Shut up. Mears. Okay, now you're all whispering. Mears. Look at us in the eyes. All of us at the same time. Look at me in the eyes, Mears. His eyes are darting between all three of us. All three of you frantically. Good. Now shut your mouth. Yeah. We have no food, thanks to you mostly. The monsoons are coming and we have no shelter. Yeah.

Mears, you fucking idiot. Monsoons are coming. We ran out of food because of you and us, but you. And also, this is how you fucking adventure. It's like, you run out of shit, you plan poorly, and then you take a random job that fulfills the narrative requirements of your current quest. And you… You put 100% of your trust in a stranger that you don't know at all, and you let them bring you deep into their township, and anything could happen. And you accept it. Yeah.

If we hadn't done that in fucking Mudlark, we wouldn't have ever met you. You would have had two hands. Think of this cool claw that you got because we went with the flow. Oh, yeah. Thank you so much. Thank you for kicking off a series of events which led to me losing my hand. I really appreciate it. You're welcome. Yeah, you're welcome. Sigh. He sighs really hard, and he just gestures for you to continue. Oh, yeah. We follow Murbo. Yeah.

Murbo takes you into a series of rooms off the side of the town hall. There's a big office, and there's a man sitting behind a desk that looks a lot like Murbo, but instead of red hair, he has black hair, and he's got a full beard instead of the mutton chops, and he's a little bit heavier. He looks like a kind of dude that spends a lot of his time sitting, and he's hunched over the desk, and he's counting coins. And he's making marks on different pieces of paper and stuff.

And he looks up, and he looks at Murbo and says, Hey, what's this? What's all this that you're bringing into my office? I got work to do, you piece of shite. And he goes, Yildim, these are the warriors we sent for. They've arrived. And he goes, Oh, okay. And he sort of takes you all in. Like, it's sort of like a progression. His, oh, and then goes down as he's like, oh, he sees Tuck, and he's like, hell, yeah. He sees Ving, and he's like, okay. He sees Billy, and he goes, what?

And then he sees Mears, and he goes, no way. You can see all that happen in his eyes. Are we sure that these are the people that are best suited to solve our problem? The big one, for sure. But that's a child, and that's a teenage boy. Hey, I'm 35 years old, you piece of shit. Who the hell is this guy getting off? You would have said you were over 100 years old. You're not 35. Hey. You look like an old 35. Biologically, yeah, yeah, totally. You're about an elf 35, a temporal 120 or something.

That's not bad. I can't remember what it is. Oh, no, that's Dan. Dan's like in his early 120s. Oh, yeah, we never specified your age. Because you're half elf. Don't look at my purse. Give me that. Don't look at my ID. Are you carrying around a purse now? The whole time. Wow. It's one of my flaps. Yeah, he's got a lot of satchels. I love your style. Mm-hmm. I love it. It used to be very popular in the early 2000s. The more I listen to the show, the more I realize that Paul says flaps so much.

Yeah, me too. And no one has ever asked him to clarify. Jessica does off mic a lot. It's pouches, right? Like you're saying that you have a lot of pouches. Yeah, and also just like pieces of hides. Yeah, that you keep stuff in, right? Yeah, some of them. And I remember you said that some of them were colorful. Some of them were colorful, yeah. Are some of them for warmth? Yeah, some of them are, yes. I asked for clarification and I honestly didn't get it. No, you won't. You wouldn't, would you?

The more information that I got, the more confused I was. How is it more confusing? He's just got a bunch of layers on and then some purses and pockets and pouches. And then some of them are just general flaps. Yeah. Yeah, totally. It's like skin tags. Different like furred hides. Yeah, skin tags. Yeah. Wonderful. Ears. So yeah, Yulium pushes some paper. Yeah. Yeah.

And he like steeples his hands on his desk and he goes, All right, well, if you're the warriors, take a seat and I'll give you the rundown. Have we been having this argument in front of them? About the flaps? No, that was out of character. No, about Finn's age. Oh, I guess, yeah. Yeah. You are not 35. You're not 35. I'm 25. If you're 35, something's wrong with me. Yeah, and he just says, Take a seat and we'll go over the situation. Okay. I turn one around. I said it. I said on it backwards.

It like, no problem takes your weight. And then, it's beautiful. But like, because my legs are spread so far. Yeah. My dick falls out. Because I have a loincloth. I've switched it back into the loincloth. It's not like a diaper anymore? Well, no, it's, what? It's never been a diaper. Yeah, it was. What the fuck? Because you, because the- Because water kept splashing up on your undercarriage. And so you put a flap underneath your nuts. I gave you a flap to keep your nuts dry.

But- Wait, so when you said you changed back into the loincloth? Because I had cut the elf armor into daisy dukes. Oh, I assumed that was done long ago. No, it was the whole spirit world I was wearing daisy dukes. I think, yeah. I think it is something like you all sit down. Well, Ving, or Tuck at least, sits down and gets his dick out. Do you all take a seat as well? Yeah. Yeah. I just sit on the floor though. I can't reach a chair. Yeah. Do you try and struggle up? Yeah. I like hold on to it.

But it's almost like if I were, like me as a human were to try, like get on top of the fridge. Like I clearly cannot. So I give up, but like really coolly. Like, like who cares? I'm not embarrassed. I'm fine. Great. And he, yeah, he- Mears sits on my lap. Mears looks around, but there are, he realizes there are only three chairs. And he's like- And then Ving's looking at him and he goes like this. Pats his lap. And he sits on your lap. And yeah, Yulium takes you all in.

He looks at Billy and Ving and Mears with some recognition. He's like, okay, that's a halfling. Ving is gently rocking Mears like, you know, like a, like a pony ride. I mean, sure. Yeah. And he sees like a boy that is very clearly from the principalities. He sees an elf. He's seen elves before. And then he looks at Tuck, this like hulking man. Tuck gives him a thumbs up. Yeah. Like, and the fact that you're wearing a loincloth and it's monsoon season and you seem unaffected.

He's like, you seem like you're from parts unknown to me. Yeah. I'm from McCall. Ever heard of it? Oh, I've read of McCall. A fine land from all reports. And also impressive that you can read. I also can read. And then to show, to show him that I can read, I look at a book and I'm like, it's a book. He turns and looks at his bookshelf, which is like, he actually does have like a significant amount of books in here. Yeah. This is maybe the most books I've ever seen.

Wait, so this is the most books you've ever seen? No. There's the, but it's the most books I've ever seen outside of the Maragani Library in McCall. Yeah. Tell me about, so there's a big library in McCall that Tuck's familiar with? Yeah. Every time, uh, like a, a trading, uh, crew or a merchant, uh, caravan would come and, uh, come into McCall.

One of the rules at the port is that, uh, or at all of the ports of entry is that you have to surrender all of your original texts and then the scribes at the library copy them out and they give you the copies and all the original stay. It's like an Alexandria thing. Yeah. Yeah. Which was problematic because of how many fires the library had. So that's why they do it every year. Yeah. So many, so many original texts have been destroyed. It was, it was really a tragedy. Yeah.

That sustained over decades. Man, I like that a lot. Yeah. So that's what Tuck's mind wanders to, uh, when he's looking at Yuliam's bookshelves and you realize that he's been talking for a while. Oh no. And what he was saying to you two was, uh, and Mears was what the situation is. So basically what the problem is, is, uh, Pinewood is a logging town primarily. The, like the majority of their economy is based on, uh, cutting and selling timber to Blackglass and the surrounding towns.

Blackglass being the capital of the Firefields Principality. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, within the last couple months, they saved up a bunch of money and they bought a steam powered tree feller from the city to like up their output. And it was going great. They were like, this is awesome. We can cut down so many trees and we're making so much money. And then, uh, they lost a team of lumberjacks.

Something in the woods took them or they're just, they haven't been seen in a long time and they sent more people out to try and deal with it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's a problem. There's a problem.

And taxes are coming soon, and they know that they're not going to be able to pay the tax people in Black Glass for this tax season, and they're worried about what that might mean, and they sent out a call to the city for warriors, and now you've arrived. It took a while, but you're here. Well, that's the situation. We've lost a number of timber jacks, and our tree fellers out there in the woods somewhere, and we need it back.

We need to start cutting timber at the rate that we were before if we're to pay taxes. So you want us to find your chainsaws and your people? That's it. So you can pay your taxes? We want to make sure that we can start working the way that we used to and the way we have for generations, cutting wood. Guys, I don't know if this is the adventure for us. Well, I mean, I turn to Mirz, and I'm like, how far are we away, Daze, from the vault? His eyes sort of glass over as he's trying to remember.

He pulls out his crumpled little map from the side of his backpack. A bunch of saffron. Falls out. Yeah, there's like beans and shit hitting the ground. And he's like, uh, uh. Twelve suppers. Three days? Four days? So when's Maggie expecting us there? Twenty days was what we agreed on. It's been a week. So we have like 13 days. Technically, we have time. Billy, what do you think, bud? Billy fell asleep. Wake up, Billy. Billy, wake up. Sorry. Hey, darling. Billy, wake up.

So Billy puffs up his chest and wipes the sleep from his eyes. And he's like, you know, I once had a position as mayor in a- His eyebrows go up. No, this is great. I want you to monologue. Well, I was once a mayor of a fine town such as this, and I wave around my hand. And perhaps- What? We could work together, mayor to mayor. And my colleagues, I wave to. And we wave also. Bowing. Mears waves. Yeah. Awkwardly. And my colleagues will help as well for price. Oh, well, yes, there is.

There is a reward. That is why we sent out the call for warriors. Of course. Oh, yeah. We would not expect. We would not expect anyone to risk life and limb for nothing. Could you remind me what the reward is? Of course. And he waves his hand over to the side of the room. And he says, a beautiful handcrafted armoire in bed frame. Made by the Beryl family. Priceless. Billy, get him to double it. There's this big, beautiful, like, cedar armoire.

It's, like, carved around the top with nice, like, a nice wolf motif. And there's a bed frame next to it. It's really nice. Get us money and food. You know, the problem is, is that we don't have a permanent residence that could house such fine craftsmanship. Go, Billy. It is a remarkable piece. And, but I don't think we could do it justice. I think, perhaps, would you consider smaller? Crafted wood things. And some money. And some food. I like that Billy's strutting around it.

And he's, like, really, like, mayoral and puffed up. And he's, like, remarkable piece. Beautiful line. Rides his hand along it. And he's, like, amazing craftsmanship. And he's just making up words. And he's, like, I like the scribbles inside. Maleficent knobhead. I say all those things. Yeah, totally. He furrows his brow a little bit. And he says, you are aware of the potential value of such a piece. We are not. Oh, fuck me. Well, what is he, what are we talking here?

Well, you know, without the stability of having our industry available, we can't confirm that we'd be able to pay you any significant sum until it's been returned. But I'm willing to make a deal. Yes. So, provided, what is your fee? That depends. What is your most valuable object? Ving says, puts his hands together. What would you consider the most valuable thing you own? What's the best thing you got? And if you could tell me about the security measures associated with it.

If it was such an object, I would appreciate it. And glance to it now. Is it in the room? Are we near it? Hmm. What do we think? Well, I mean, the tree feller is probably really pricey. Oh, God. The tree feller. Yeah. I am the tree feller. Hoity-toity-toity. Boing, boing, boing. I want to see the steam power tree feller at some point on this side quest. I mean, let's think about it. Because, I mean. Let's talk about this together. What sort of thing would you guys be interested?

What would they say yes to? I was 100% going to let Billy negotiate the deal for us. Yeah, okay, Billy. No, I don't know, though. Which is like, I love that Billy was asleep and then he woke up and he was like, Well, I was mayor of a tent. And he just like dropped into this character that is not Billy. And he's just like, Oh, he's going for it. Okay, cool. Let's let him. He's got the reins now. Let's see where he rides his pony. And I like that we're like. Got a little slack job looking at him.

We have almost like a. Yeah. Free range parenting model. Yeah, totally. We absolutely do. So we're just like, you know what? This is going to be the project for these next few days. You guys are like Montessori parents. Teachable moment. Yeah. All right. So. I also forgot I still have all those black rings around my face. Right. But that have like run down because of the rain. You look psychotic. So as you're touching the thing and going. He's like, beautiful. I actually don't. And it's like.

It's just smearing. Wet. All right. Well, if you're not interested in the arm water in the bed frame, what fear would you like? It's not that I'm not interested in this remarkable, stunning piece of furniture. It's just we have nowhere to put it. And. And again, you know, it deserves so much more than what we could provide. I. Estimate. It's worth roughly 500 gold coins. He like coughs into his cup like, oh, I don't know about that. Sorry. Let's. Let me recalculate this. 200.

It's such a fine piece. Yeah. It's so fine. I would have. I would have thought at least 250 gold coins. And Billy looks over at us and we're like giving him the thumbs up. Yeah. Good job, Billy. Let's see. I like this, like making bigger. One of us is going bigger and the other one's going smaller. And I'm just like, yeah, OK. We're not giving any good advice. You're going to have to roll a parlay, I think. Sure. So the basically the your leverage is so it's put to the six plus charisma.

And the leverage is that you will help them, you know, because it's like, you know, we're interested in this, but you got to give us what we want. All right. Two to six plus charisma. I got four. Four. You got four. Four. I'm so sorry. Shit. OK, so you get a point of experience. Can we? Oh, no. Can we roll again? No. OK. Yeah. He basically says, like, as I said, he's not like mad or anything. He's just like, as I said, our industry is all but dried up.

This is sort of what we're able to offer at this juncture to any potential warriors that want to help. I can't give you any more. As he's saying that, I like gesture to Billy like. I'm like, ask for some like a cool thing instead, like a token or something that we can carry. Also food from one mayor to another. Perhaps I can cut a deal that will work for both of us. My party and I require food. And perhaps in exchange for this armoire, you could provide us with a really cool token of some sort.

Right. Something very cool. Billy does the hand motions that Tuck and Bing were doing. Yeah. He looks like he's tugging hard at like a long shaft. Jesus. He keeps nodding and he's watching you do this. Like, what is this? They're shaking his head. No. But he's thinking like, oh, well, we did have something, a little something planned for any warriors that did eventually.

So we cannot offer you any more for your fee, but we would be happy to offer you room and board and a little, shall we say, revelry. Should you agree to help us? I love revelry. How about two revelries? Yeah. Yeah. A revelry before and a revelry for when it's all rubbed up. Yeah. We could do that. Billy puffs himself up. None of us know what a revelry is, obviously. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Desk like, all right, this is a fine thing. And Marble's like, wonderful. And I'm like, let's shake on it. And then we do our three-way handshake that we do all the time. So the three of you are shaking on it. And Gilliam's just watching you and letting you do it. And then Mears. Mears. And Marble strides up and shoves his hand into the middle. And he puts his big mitt over all of your hands. And he's like, all right, so tomorrow you'll go out into the woods.

But tonight we rubber tree. Rubber, rubber tree. And he storms out. And we get a little montage of people setting stuff up. Because they're laying out a little feast for y'all. Oh, my God. And so the rains have started. It's raining pretty bad outside. But they have a sort of undercover, like a big, wide pavilion area that's like, you know what? Like Goldstream Park. He's obsessed. It honestly is the only frame of reference that keeps making sense to me. But they have those, like, big roofs.

With, like, the pillars. And it's just picnic tables underneath. It's a big one of those. And they set up different walls and stuff to make sure that, like, everybody's out of the rain. But they bring out roast meats and delicious foods and casks of, like, ale and liquor and stuff like that. And there's just a fucking party. They're so excited that you're all here. They're so excited that you're going to help.

And through the rains, you can see that, like, the clouds will break every once in a while in the distance. And you can see the moon is becoming more. And you can see the moon is becoming more. And you can start seeing the edge just through the trees of smaller celestial bodies that are sort of trailing near the moon. And you see the edge of the coronet. The broken moon. The broken moon is starting to come over the horizon. It's still pretty far away.

And it'll be a while before the coronet is fully visible. It's a weird sight for everybody. Like, everyone that looks in the distance of the coronet, when you can see it, their eyes catch for, like, just a second longer than it usually would. Because it's like, man, yeah, that's back. It's a broken-ass moon. Like, no one's seen that in a long, long time. And these people have been seeing it for the last three months, right? It's been… It's still coming into the sky.

Like, it's like you see chunks of it, like, the edge of it. And you're like, oh, wow, yeah, that's weird. But as the days go by, more and more makes itself visible. Oh. But there's a party. Nobody's really worried about that. So there's music and there's food. And just outside this pavilion area, you pass on the way. There's a large stump that's very visible in the sort of middle area of town. It's got a crude… The crude shape of an axe carved into it.

And there's a bunch of hatchets and axes of various sizes, like, smacked into the top and side of this stump. What is it? You can gauge from the things that you've seen in your travels that it's a shrine to the forester. Like, of the innumerable patrons, the forester. Can we do a… Spout Lore? Yeah. Yeah, you can do a Spout Lore. Who wants to do a Spout Lore? Jessica has two cookies in her hand. Oh, wait, no, one of them is dice. Cookies and it's multitasking. Plus intelligence. Five?

You have zero intelligence? Can we aid? Oh, yeah. No, because she's got five. So you'd have to be able to bump it up. What if we both aid? You can't. You ask that every time. Why, though? Because those are the rules. I hate this. So what… Happens when Billy tries to learn about this? You just… I go up and I'm touching all the carvings of the axe. And I'm, like, sticking my fingers in everything because I can't really read. Uh-huh. Okay. There is a…

A brusque older woman that, like, kind of hustles up to you as you're messing with… And you're, like, pulling on axes and stuff like that. And you, like, tug one out of the side. And she comes up. She goes, Hey, you little… You little pest. You can't mess with… Shrines? Oh, what? I'm sorry. I thought it was a statue or a toy. What… Where did you come from that you don't understand the patrons? You don't notice a shrine when you see one. I'm sorry. She snatches the axe out of your hand.

Hey! Yeah. We run up. We run… Rush over. Is this your little mongrel here? Hey! Do not point that axe at that child. And don't call him a mongrel. She's a rescue. Hey, mongrel, rescue, whatever it is, he doesn't know not to mess with things that aren't his. And she slams the axe back into the side of the… Too close to Billy. Well, yeah. It's like whack right back into the stump. And I step in front of her between her and Billy. And she looks you right in the face. She's looking up way far.

She's like five feet tall. Okay. She's pretty hunched, but she's staring you right in the eye. It's like, hey, don't mess with my kid. Tell your kid not to mess with my shrine. And she starts like poking you in the chest. Don't poke me in the chest, you old bitch. No. Who cares? This is… I know. I'm making this too serious. Oh, my God. Yeah. She says, get your… Don't kill her, this fucker. Everybody's just getting mad at you. And she's poking you in the chest.

Get your chest out of the way of my finger. Okay. And he moves and she's just poking Ving in the forehead. You stay away from my shrine. This is everyone's shrine, not just yours. It's not your shrine, that's for sure. You know who doesn't want to hear fighting? The patron of the lumberjack. Oh, the forester loves fighting. The forester fought with the trees every day of their life. They fucked with the trees? They fought with the trees. They fucked the trees? Watch your language.

She starts waving. Get the hell out of here. Your patron fucks trees? She starts steaming up. And it's pouring. And then I go over to the shrine and I start like thrusting my hips there. I'm like, ooh, look at me. I'm the first of the foresters. These trees get me so fucking hard. And you start seeing other people in the town. Oh, no. Seeing you do this. And a lot of people are getting like mad. This situation is escalating. Ving's like, no, calm down, everyone.

It's just this lousy, filthy-tongued, sack-a-saw-diss bitch. Wielding a rack. And it sort of continues like that for a while. She's mad. Some other people are mad. And the party continues. But there's a good contingent of Pinewood villagers that are not psyched about you guys. Fuck this place. Yeah. We're your warriors. You should respect us. And somebody does speak up. Like, it's the flute guy. It's the pan flute guy. Big surprise. Fuck this guy. Yeah, they came here to help us.

We should be more respectful. Oh, shit. Don't know any of the flute guys on our side now? No, that's not good. It's not a good place to be. Oh, my God. We're the flute guys. Oh, no. You hear somebody from the crowd go, shut the fuck up, Ved. Ved? Everybody hates your flute. You suck at it. Pipe down, devil sticks. And the party continues. But there's, like, a weird tension now. All right. I'm going to walk up to that angry lady. Oh, okay. She's, like, steaming. She's drinking a mug of ale. Hey.

Oh, what do you want, you little pest? No, I'm sorry. I really didn't know. I'm just small and innocent and unlearned. And I just thought it was a toy because, like, I haven't had any fun lately. And I had to do a lot of adult stuff today. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Oh, my friend. He's just really protective. I'm sure you understand. And I try to touch her hand. And she's, like, oh, man. She can't stay super mad.

Like, you're not just going to start to keep screaming at a kid that earnestly tries to apologize. You got to roll something else. Defy danger, charisma. Six. This could be an aid. Okay. We pop. I jump in behind her and start rubbing her shoulders. Massage. Massage. Massage. Massage. Massage. Massage. Massage. Massage. Massage. Massage.

Massage oh no don't touch anybody with those hands you kidding me with my elbows then okay all right you gotta roll plus bond with billy oh 12 okay so yeah you make that a seven for billy yeah with a seven she's not jazzed but she uh loves the massage yeah you can see her like loosen her shoulders a little bit close her eyes just revel in this uh this firm massage and her shoulders are like fucking tight like she crystal and crystal yeah yeah yeah and it's not it's not great but she looks at billy with her eyes still half closed she's like all right I understand you seem from the halfling lands I know you don't respect the patrons you don't know enough about them but if you're gonna stay in a town like pinewood you should learn something don't just keep sticking your face wherever it is oh but that's how I learn she looks at billy and she's like oh you know you you don't understand no harm no foul I'm just it's been a tense few months in the town after that blasted machine came down a lot of good people lost their their ways of living and I'm just I'm frightened for the future of the town and I'm taking it out on you you little ragamuffin she sort of pinches your cheek a little bit she says if you're not a good person you're not a good person you're not a good person you're not a good person if I had it my way you wouldn't bring that machine back at all this has been Spout Lore I'm your game master Sean O'Hara with me as always playing tacoma dome the barbarian Abdul Aziz have you considered that this might be a fern gully scenario playing ving the half-elf druid Paul Oppers maleficent knob heads and playing fat billy the halfling thief jessica tie I thought it was gonna be like a mini thing like we need to have an election thanks to west for all the tech for all the tech for all the tech for all the tech for all the tech for all the tech for all the tech for all the technical stuff thanks to abdul for all the editing work thanks to aaron reed for our intro and outro music thanks to mark and mp for offering up their home yet again and thank you to you for listening we'll see you next time and so ends the tale of adventures three who tried the best they can though dumb and scared and lost they be for times of rest in revelry and though our journey is a long one we may be lying a conclusion we will not leave you without a resolution return next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores and for you I'd gladly be I asked you I don't have to be any one other than a birth of two souls in one there's gotta be an easier way to do there's not there's no way where I'm coming from I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately you!

I'm tired of looking around, wondering what I gotta do. Who am I supposed to be? I don't want to be anything other than me. That was the Lone Tree Hill Singers charting the top 795 beautiful downtown principality. Come on, check us out. Downtown principality, if you're in the beautiful area downtown. Come check it out. Downtown Mulberry, Pinewood. Pinewood. Here we are in downtown beautiful Pinewood Forest. Come check us out.

There's one guy that found a wizard-made transmitter that he's just convinced is still working. And secretly, it is. I thought it was just the town crier. Come on, check us out. Talking into a big horn. Yeah, and I imagine the Lone Tree Hill Singers were actually there. Are they in Pinewood right now?