Episode 5 – Pinewood Nights

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape, and wields a spear with great might Peely's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and raddest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends, and listen close For the tale's about to start Welcome back to Spout Lore everybody Sean O'Hara and with me, as always, playing Tacoma Dome, the Barbarian Abdulaziz.

Good morning. Playing Ving, the Half-Elf Druid, Paul Oppers. Hello. Playing Fat Billy, the Halfling Thief, Jessica Tai. Hello, everybody. When last we left our heroes, they were in the midst of a celebration in the village of Pinewood.

Now that they have accepted a task from the co-mayors, Merbo and Yulium, to investigate some sort of disappearance and tragedy in the woods surrounding the village, a great feast was thrown in their honor, and Billy deeply insulted an old woman by messing with a shrine to the forester. And with some doe eyes and some childhood naivete, Billy was able to, with the help of Ving, giving a gentle massage, a stiff massage to this old woman. The situation was resolved.

And now the party has sort of continued in earnest. Everybody's… It's getting… It's getting whipped up to a fever pitch. Everybody's drinking and eating. There's alcohol and juices and roasted meats and vegetables. And some games have actually broken out. The people of Pinewood like to play games where it's just feats of strength and agility. And that's sort of where we find ourselves now. Yeah, I've been over at the feats of strength, and I came back.

And I come over to these guys, and I'm like, Hey, do you guys think I crossed the line when I fucked that shrine? I just look over to the lake. And she's looking at you with eyes sort of narrowed. You had your balls tucked away. That's true. It was behind the flap. Yeah. Flaps down. Flaps down. I look at the lady, and I'm like, Okay. Look.

I felt threatened because you were pointing your finger at Billy, and you made me feel fucking small because you were pointing your finger into my chest, and you were saying some stuff to me. That made me feel like a bad parent. So I felt kind of defensive on that. And so maybe I said some stuff that I shouldn't have said. Maybe I shouldn't have fucked your shrine. And maybe I'm sorry. Maybe. Maybe you're sorry. I'm sorry. All right. And to make it up to you, I'm going to go over to the shrine.

I'm going to tell it a prayer. Okay. If that makes you feel better. Come on. And then I lift her up. So she's just hanging from your hand? Yeah. She's got her mug still in her hand. Yeah. I put her up on my shoulder. I'm like, come on. All right. I'm sure someone at some point has explained to you that we don't really pray to the patrons. Let's go. Let's pray to the patrons. Woo! Pray to the patrons. Pray to the patrons. Pray to the patrons. It's time for you to do the thing you always do.

And more people are starting to watch sort of from the edge of the undercover area. Cool. Yeah. Because they don't see people do this very often. And I like that I'm getting an audience. I'm getting nervous and excited about it. And then I'm also, as I'm walking with the lady, realizing that I don't have anything locked and loaded for this. I have not planned a prayer. What a surprise. Improv it, man. Here we go. No. Give me one minute. Ving's walking around stalling. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Yeah. There's two young men standing at the edge of the overhang. They're both like talking to each other like, what are they doing? I think they're praying to the shrine. And they're both like, oh, silly. I would say, you know, just. Avocado, sriracha. But they're like, wow, that's a beautiful language. Yeah. Ving is being like, do you remember Paul Bettany? He's character in A Knight's Tale. Yeah. What was his name? Chaucer. He's Jeffrey Chaucer. Yeah.

Yeah. Jeffrey Chaucer. He's a guy. Yeah. Whatever that guy is. Author of The Canterbury Tales. Ooh. I love The Canterbury Tales. I'm sure. I love them. I'm pretending to have glasses right now. I don't love them. I'm just aware of. Oh, Chaucer. Classic piece of literature. Also, A Knight's Tale is my favorite movie. Oh, Knight's Tale. Oh, Knight's Tale. Oh, Knight's Tale. Oh, Knight's Tale. Oh, Knight's Tale. Oh, Knight's Tale. Oh, Knight's Tale. This is the longest you've ever mimed a blowjob.

It's unsettling. It's like. Yeah. It's just like. Yeah. No. It's not. I'm not like unsettled by. It's just like. And Bill put his finger in the butthole of the imaginary blowjob. It's just a lot of detail. It feels really intimate. Like I walked in on something. I mean. Billy looks away. Tuck is doing this in front of a shrine. Is this a prayer? No, no, no. I'm not doing it. Is this a prayer? It's totally normal. Dominoes. Dominoes and pizza hot. Hot and ready. Pizza, pizza. 9, 6, 7, 11, 11.

The mushroom thing? Olives, mushrooms and extra cheese. Dominoes for delivery. If you get two for the price of one, we throw in crazy bread. Yeah. But. Peace be with you. Happy St. Patrick's Day, everybody. Peace of pizza be with you. All right. So the woman sitting on your shoulder just kind of waiting. And I put her down and I lean. I kneel down and I take out my axe. Do people chop the shrine? It looks like people have been leaving access here for a long time. Is there like a log nearby?

It's just one big stump. No, but is there another one? Like there's like a tree. Yeah. So. Okay. So this is what I'm going to do. Like I kneel in front of the shrine and I take out my axe. It's just wounds. She sees the axe. Yeah. She's like, oh, wow. That's quite a, quite a two you have there. And I guess I tuck my dick in a little bit. Oh, you mean the axe? Yeah. Oh, the axe. Yeah. She goes, oh, come on. It's not anything. I haven't seen before. I wink at her. She winks at you.

I'm starting to like this lady. Is there like a crowd that's for people are watching because they're just confused. Yeah. And I. But you pull the axe out. Well, and people have been like looking at it. Like, oh, man, look at that thing. And so I. Yeah. I kneel my. I kneel my head. I bow my head. And I'm like, I pay homage. I say this to the shrine. I pay homage to the logger. He. He strengthens. He strengthens our arms and splits our wood and brings us shelter from the forest. And then I.

I take my axe and I throw it horizontally at the nearest tree. And I try and split it. Like with one. With like one throw. Yeah. Okay. Well, we're going to do a defy danger strength. Okay. Two to six plus your strength. Six. Oh, can I help? Six. Seven. Eight. Yeah. Your strength is huge. Yeah. He's not going to need it. Yeah. So you just. There's like a fairly narrow. It's not like massive, but it's tall tree. And you just whip your axe through it. Yeah. Like it is pretty wide, right? What?

The tree? Yeah. Sure. Yeah. But you're cutting down a tree in the middle of town. In one swipe. In one swipe. Yeah. And you throw your axe through it. Yeah. Cool. So. Yeah. So I'm going to have to go get it. Yeah. You grab your axe. You heft it. You heft Larry, Terry, and Chad. And you just whip it. And I give him a kiss before it. And you just send it through this tall pine tree, like a few yards away from the shrine. And it whacks right through the middle. And it sails off into the forest.

And I look at it. I'm like, fuck. And it also like it hits. Like it stumps down. And it sits teetering for a second. And it starts to fall towards the overhang. Oh, no. Yeah. It's like. And it starts to fall. What do you do? Ving, help. Ving runs over and runs underneath the thing and puts his hands up in the air and roots down and turns into a bit of a big stumpy kind of rooty man. He hasn't used his wood in a long time. Yeah. And with big, crystal-y hands and just tries to put them together.

He doesn't have a lot of control over the axes yet. I mean, of the crystal-y knives. Yeah. But just puts kind of like a crystal cradle up and catches it. 2d6 plus wisdom to shapeshift. This is a thing now. This became a situation. Oh, yeah. Yeah. 10. 10. Great. So you get three hold. Okay. So that's. You use your hold to like root down and grab the tree. The other way. Yeah. And just scales it down. Yeah. You could scale it down. Takes out a bark off. Wait. Scale it down. Like how?

What do you mean? With the crystals. Runs it through his crystal. Oh, like you get it. You like. Make it go. Okay. Beautiful smooth. Okay. Slide. You slide it off. Yeah. And then use your crystals to strip all the bark off. And then like Billy get it. And then he like does. Yeah. Let's make it all together. Make some cool party trick. Yeah. All right. What does Billy do? He gathers up all the bark. Uh-huh. At top speed. Yeah. Raw lumber coming at you. Woo. He can make stuff taste different ways.

Can't he? That's true. Oh, yeah. He turns into beef jerky. Beef jerky. He starts throwing it out to the crowd. Beef jerky. Okay. I need Billy. I need Billy to roll for this too. You get some jerky. Okay. So Billy, what is this? Charisma, I guess? 2D6 plus charisma? Yes. Eight. Okay. Great. It's a little tiring because you're doing it to so much. You're feeling like you have to influence so much wood chips at the same time. Mm-hmm.

But then you're throwing out beef jerky and people are chewing on this bark. Like they take the bark from you and they're like, okay. And Billy takes a bite too to be like. Yeah. Beef jerky. Yeah. And they're like. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. Well, we eat bark from time to time. So it's not. And they take a bite and they're like, holy hell. That's beef jerky. And then people are tossing it around and you're passing it out. Everybody's having a grand old time now. Yeah.

And the log just gets smoothed down and like. Yeah. What's the next move? And then he was like, tuck. Log's up. Yeah. And then I go over there and I do the Highland game that Merbo was doing where he was. He was lifting like a stump or no. I do the, you know, the one where you flip a tree. Caber toss. Yeah. The caber toss. I invent that. Sick. I right now. So you pick up a tree. No one's ever thought of it in this world. Right? Sure. Yes. Yes. And so I pick it up and I'm like, check this out.

And I like, I like flip it. And I'm like, for the logger. So do I. Forest. No, I say log. Yeah, I know. What do I roll? 2d6 plus strength, I guess. Five, six, seven. Okay. Yeah. So you flip it and you flip it so hard and you send it right into the bottom of your chin. Go ahead and roll me. What's your damage die? Uh, d10. This is incidental. Do a d6. Okay. Two. You get two damage right in the chin. I have one armor already. Yeah. Cause you're so tough. But you feel. You feel.

You feel your lips split. So you're bleeding a little bit now. And I turn around and I'm like, yeah, but you do like you flip it. You flip it all the way over and it lands really far away. And there are a bunch of people in the overhang that are like, oh, yes. And then a bunch of people start coming out and some strapping young, young buck grabs it and he throws it and sends it into the bottom of his chin and spits out a bunch of blood and goes, yeah, he flips it. And this is a game now. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Bloody mouth yeah and everybody's just having a grand old time smashing themselves in the face with this log I go to these guys I'm like wow that was like not planned at all pretty good show we put on and the woman comes up and she pats you on the on the arm and she goes your heart is in the right place but you should really learn something about the patrons like 90 of what you did was so wrong but I appreciate it nonetheless yeah I mean you know spread it around spread around things that I do I will but not the wrong ones okay yeah tell people about the prayer use the prayer more no there's a lot wrong with the prayer that's okay the thing that I'm trying to start just use it we'll see we'll see you're gonna use it she goes off and she fills up her mug again I turn to these guys I'm like probably she'll use it right yeah for sure oh she's got she's she's gonna use it and uh yeah the party just continues uh is there anything in particular that you want to say about the party I'm gonna say that the party is a little bit that anybody wants to try and accomplish at this party what's billy seems excited what's billy trying to do snack table oh there is a large snack table uh there's some sort of roast bird there's like a big platter of red meat that's been cooked over a fire there's so many delicious looking drinks there's like barrels of stuff with taps in the side there's little berries like piles of berries some sort of jam looking stuff what's billy going for I'm shoveling a bunch of berries and I'm like I'm gonna go get some of these things I'm gonna go get some of these things into the backpack okay backpack acquired with berries yeah uh go to the bird grab a leg grab another leg uh two legs yeah that's four legs so you're fine sweet uh double fist yeah and uh yuliam sitting on the other side of the table eating he's not really engaging in too much of the partying he's like you know you don't have to you don't have to pack it away we're not gonna take it from you you can eat as much as you like oh really yeah and he's like putting like some walnuts and stuff in his mouth okay so I tuck in the the two legs into like my waistband and I grab the other two legs I'm like thank you dear take a seat take a seat okay can you pick me up I can't reach it with all the food he uh steps over the table like he stands up and walks to the other side and puts you up thank you and he sits down next to you this is what I've found at parties if you sit near the food you don't have to come and get more food it's just here the whole time oh my god never thought of this classic uncle advice yeah you can take that from your old pal yuliam I will so what's your uh what's your story you look like a young lad to be traveling with uh strange warriors such as this yes I suppose but they're nice to me tuck over there the big one he found me one night um I mean I don't he wasn't very happy with me at the time he was roasting a big old jackalope and I I invited myself into that I don't think he liked it very much how old would you say you are I'm like nine or something or ten nine years old yeah I barely hefted my first axe at nine and I was nay on the road what you know I was nay on the road a little lad like you stumping about in the woods oh yeah I too was nay on the wood he nods and he's like all right well as long as you feel safe and you feel a little bit better I'm gonna go to the next one like you're where you're supposed to be yeah this I'm so happy right here this boat of gravy I pull it closer to myself I dunk my chicken legs or whatever they are into it yeah he's like a little lad after me own heart well let's tuck in and he kind of bonks his chicken leg against your chicken leg and he gets into it uh tuck are you still is tuck still doing games with people yeah he's still eating a conga line all right that's a feat of strength no he moved just a conga line uh yeah and there's somebody like playing like a drum and stuff like that I guess I'm trying to explain what a conga line is yeah you're trying to explain conga yeah I'm like it's like you just it's an excuse to touch someone else's hips I guess oh and they get that they're like oh okay yeah yeah I'm trying to break it down and I'm realizing I don't understand why that it happens but they're all like touching each other's hips and they're like kind of in a circle and they're like hey hey give me your hips are you starting to wrestle yeah kind of it's turning into a wrestling it's turning into a wrestling matchup a pile of people wrestling each other slapping each other and the hips give me them hips boy there's a bunch of people just like in a circle yeah they formed an arena like yeah totally yeah there's a ring of people there's two people in the middle and they're like they got their arms out to either side they're like okay all right and one slight one jumps forward slaps him in the hip and go one point conga conga conga conga conga conga conga conga There's two games that have been invented.

There's Bloody Mouth and then there's Konga, which is like touch football, but with wrestling. Yeah. That's a fun game. And that's great. And it's pouring rain and they're just having a blast. What's Ving up to? He's getting pissed with the boys. Oh, yeah. He's got a bottle of booze in his gills. He's chugging spruce vodka in his throat. He's got one in each side. And then he's chugging down here, too. He's got three bottles, free pouring. And there's just a group of people freaking out.

They're like, yeah. Chug, chug, chug, chug. You're chugging so much. You're chugging so much, bro. I'm chugging so much, bro. And somebody comes out. A pretty beefy lady comes out. A pretty beefy lady. A pretty slash beefy lady. And she comes out and she's got this big clay. Jug over one shoulder. And she slams it down on the ground. It's got a little rag around the handle. She's like, you look like you know how to drink. Try some of this.

And she pops the cork off and smoke starts coming out of it. Whoa. She's like, you ever had a dram of this? No, but I've vaped before. Oh, if you've vaped, you'll appreciate this ember mead. Ember mead. Strongest liquor made from the honey of the fire bee. Oh, it'll get you red. Right, dickhead. I don't know what that is, but it sounds super sexy. Let's do it. Sounds super sexy. Okay. Are you going to hammer this? Like, just get down on this fire mead? Yeah, yeah. Ember mead. Ember mead.

Ember mead. Give me a 2d6 plus constitution. Okay. Seven. Seven. Okay. So you just go to town and smoke starts pouring out of your gills. I've still got two holds. So let's grow some things on my back. Like wooden tree wings. And then they're on fire a little bit. They're smoldering tree wings. Just to look insane. Yeah, just he's getting hammered. He's getting crazy drunk and things start popping off. Drunk shape shifters. Real problem. It is very weird when he gets really fucked up.

So yeah, this like smoldering wood thing comes out of your back and they're all like, whoa, sweet. Sweet. And so what's the seven to nine? Seven to nine. You get like something happens. An intervention. Billy and I are watching from the other side of the party and we're like, we really need to talk to him about his shape shifting while drunk. I have a problem. And the lady like has her arm around your shoulder and she's like, hey, how's a problem? And she's drinking too.

And yeah, that's so I don't know. What's do you get entangled? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, so it's that sort of thing. You drink all that stuff. You drink the fire mead. The smoke's pouring out of you, and the wood comes out of your back, and you're all having a great time, and she just grabs you by the front of your shirt. She catches the vibe first. She knows what the situation is.

She just grabs the front of your shirt. She winks at me first. Yeah, and she plants one on you. Oof, and I plant one on her. She doesn't like that. There's a lot of plants coming out of you. It's gross. But yeah, so that's the situation with Ving right now, and Mears is having a similar time. He's over with some of the younger kids, some of the teens. They're not drinking quite as much or quite the same stuff as the adults, but kids in Pinewood still drink a little bit.

Mears is talking to, like, there's another teenage boy that he's talking to, and he's getting a little, like, Mears is getting a little giggly, and he's trying to be cool with his hook, and he's showing off his hook, and he's showing off his sword, and there's all these kids that he's just kind of having a grand old time with, and yeah, the party's just going to continue. Are the ones… The One Tree Hill singers on stage? The One Tree Hill singers are here? Yeah. No? Weren't they on stage?

We did that whole thing. You know what there is? Okay, so there is a little stage to the side that has its own little underhang thing, and there's, like, a local group that's putting on, like, their own rendition of the One Tree Hill players' ongoing serial. They're remembering their favorite episodes, and they're sort of acting them out, so there's two…

There's a teenage boy and a teenage girl, and they're dressed up, and they're putting on accents to do this thing, and they're like, Jennifer, I love you, and I am willing to give up my career in basketball for you, and she sort of strides over to the other side of the stage and puts her hand up to her forehead and goes, Jason, you've said that so many times before, and your father has come between us yet again, and it's… And then the twin comes, or the half-brother comes in.

I know literally nothing about One Tree Hill. So a half-brother comes in, and he's sort of dragging one foot behind him, and he's hunched over, and he's like, Jason, if you finally rid yourself of Jennifer, you and I can complete our long-lost goal of finding our mother and exacting our revenge on our stepfather, Jared. And he goes, Kyle, no. I just want to be with Jennifer and play basketball on the weekends. And that's sort of what's going on over there. Wait, what is Jennifer doing?

What does Jennifer do? Jennifer is… She's like… She's having a soliloquy because she doesn't know that… What was the other brother's name? Kyle. Kyle. She doesn't know that Kyle's there. It's like a poetic fallacy. Let's hear it. And she's like, what should I do? Should I follow Jason as my heart wishes me to, or should I go to school in… In Massachusetts? Should I move away? To learn how to be… To learn how to be… Anything I've always wanted to be. To… To learn to be…

How's that song go? Anything but what I've been trying to be lately. And then the song starts. And then they all come on stage. Everybody that's been in the play so far comes on stage and they hold hands. And they're like, I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately. And you can see, there's a younger kid to the side of the stage that's now like yanking on a rope really hard. And the makeshift curtain they've made starts to come across the stage and covers them up.

And only the kids are watching. Billy and I are in the back and we're like, whoa! And then, yeah. And I'm like, because we've been gone for like three months. I didn't know what the season finale was. And I was like, that's what happened? Yeah. Yeah, that's what happened is they all got so excited. The players did pass through. You hear from one of the kids later on that the players passed through and they did the season finale. And they were so excited that they had to do it again.

And I'm talking to Billy and I'm like, oh man, I cannot wait for the next season. I hope that Jennifer chooses to go to college. Yeah, so she can learn to be something than other that she's been lately. And you can… You can… I'm sorry. I know, that's so funny. You know how sometimes like a father and a son have a tradition of watching a show? Totally, yeah. Like the son doesn't really understand. Yeah. It's that. Yeah, totally. Oh man, it's so good. And the kids are so excited.

They're so glad that you liked it. Yeah. Like, you know, when they came through, it was just, it was so, it was so beautiful. It was so emotional that we just had to reimagine our own run and just put on our own reruns for everybody here. And we're like, we're really glad that you could come and watch it and that you enjoyed it. Yeah, I think you guys could do this professionally. And they're like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. And they start like fanning themselves. Like, oh, thank you so much.

Thank you. And I'm like, in fact, if I take out a piece of paper, I was like, I would love to get all of your autographs. And they're like, oh. They're so nervous. And I'm like, because I'm sure it'll be worth something someday. Yeah. And one of them runs over to Yulian. Yeah. And they come back with like a pen, like a click pen. What? Yeah, Yulian's got a pen. Like, it's so weird. He's got this metal pen and it pops this nib out and he writes with ink. Wes is losing his mind.

Yeah, it's, he's, but you can see the kid asks him for it and he hands it. He's like, okay, here's the pen. And as the kid runs away, he's like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. But the kid is being very like, and they're all scrawling with this ink pen. And it's amazing. There's no quill. They don't have to dip it in ink or anything. Is this like an artifact from like, The Wizard Times? It is very expensive. He bought it from, you hear, you get the idea that he got it from the city.

He got it from Black Glass. Can we Spout Lore about this? Yeah, sure. Go for it. 2D6 plus intelligence. Well, there you go. See, the thing about these pens are. Yeah, I don't know anything. So you grab the pen and you're like, you're like, oh, look at this thing. I don't want to. Don't make me break the pen. Don't break the pen. Okay. All right. Okay. So what you do do is you press, you're like pressing the clicker. You're like, click, click, click, click, click, click. Wow. Look at this.

Click, click, click, click, click, click, click. And you press it and you press it really hard and you let go and whatever ink reservoir is inside shoots out the back and just lands somewhere in the leaves. Can I see if I can find it? Yeah, you can look for it. Okay. What do I need to get? And Yulium, you see him stand up. Oh, Jesus. And he's like, wait a second. You start storming over. 2D6 plus and what is looking? Oh, wisdom. Wisdom? Yeah. Is this a discern realities?

I guess it would be a discern realities. Yeah. 11 plus 10 plus what? Okay. Wisdom is 11. Yeah, you got it. You get three questions. Three questions from what should I be on the lookout for? Tell me, where is it? Where is it? Tell me right now. I'm freaking the fuck out. So you start. Let me just grab the list. Do you just know the questions? Yeah. There's what should I be on the lookout for? Where's the fucking pen inkwell? Tell me. Tell me right fucking now. I'll beat your ass.

I'll beat the shit out of you. Tuck is telling this to Sean, the GM through space and time. I'll beat the shit out of you personally. Yeah. So you kick around like you run over. You're pretty sure that you knew where it landed and you find it in like buried under some pine leaves and you find it. It's a little, it's almost empty. Okay. Because it looks like a bunch of the ink poured out onto the ground, but you do find it. I just like spit in it a little bit to like make more ink. I'm like.

He sees it. He sees it. He sees it. He sees you. Does he see me do that? I'm trying to hide it. No, you're huge. You can hide anything from anybody if you turn around. I'm on the ground. Yeah. And I mix it up and I put it in. Yeah. It clicks. I'm like, okay. Yeah. And he takes the pen and he looks at it and he goes, okay. I think that's enough autographs for now. And I'm like, you're probably right. You have two more questions, by the way. I don't care. All right. Fine.

What are the, what else is there to know? I mean, what happened here recently? What should I be on the lookout for? Or what is about to happen? What here is useful or valuable to me? Who's really in control here? What here is not what it appears to be? What here is not what it appears to be? I guess I'm talking to him and I'm like, I'm really sorry. I know how rare these are. It seems like a really nice town. You've got a great town here.

And he kind of looks around at all the people having a good time and all the kids are excited about their play and everybody's having fun. And he's like, I mean, what is a fine place? And it's a shame that it's run into the troubles that it has. And we're just really, really pleased that you've come and agreed to help us. As you can see, what a close-knit community of people that really care about each other. And anything that can endanger that is of real concern to us and our way of life.

And sorry, what was your question? The question was, what here is not what it appears to be. Just give me a sec. I got to think about it. Ving and the women are going at it pretty hard. By the fire. And somebody goes, get a room. And then Ving starts building a room around them. Roots come up. Building a room. Ving has used his whole to grow a room around them. A tiny house around him. Beautiful. Billy wanders over. He's like, are you wrestling? No, I mean, technically, I mean. Who's winning?

And you hear, yeah, you hear her go, oh, I am. Oh, I'm winning. She won twice. Whoa. Good for you. Holy shit. Yeah. Yeah. No, Mears walks up and he's like, Billy, let's go over here. Yeah, okay. Let's go back to the snack table. Okay. Did they bring out anything new? They're just like replenishing stuff. So there's like more meat, more alcohol. Yeah. Billy's never been to an all you can eat buffet. So he kind of taking it as a challenge. Yeah. Oh, we'll see.

Let's go back to a little bit of foreshadowing. And as you're like, you're talking to Yelium and he tucks his pen in and he's like, thank you so much for helping us. You're sort of looking around the town and just being like, yeah, this is really nice. And you look over at one of the trees that has like a big patch of green moss on it. And you see in the center, you see that some of it is like a bright, like azure blue. And you're like, that doesn't seem right.

And you take a little, a little closer look at it and it's moving just a tiny bit. Whoa. Yeah. Uh, that's weird. Yeah. But I mean, it seems harmless enough. It's just like, you know, the world is a weird place. Yeah. It could be anything. Okay. Yeah. Um, and then I, I have one more question. You do have one more question. Unless there's like, who likes to party? Yeah. That's my last question. Who likes to party? Thing. Stage. Oh wait, you guys are fucking. Oh, we're done. Okay. Great.

So you just walks over hairy looking. Yeah. His hair is even more out there than it usually is. I got wood. Yeah. You're still pretty hard, but and why, why do you want being on the stage? I was going to do a rendition of Alice. Okay. All right. I don't, I just feel like they've heard it. Allison. Why don't we sing? Rebecca. Okay. Okay. Let's do Rebecca. Rebecca. People start gathering around. What instruments are there? Uh, there's a, there's the flute.

There's that guy's pan flute that he left here. Yeah. So I stand up bass, washed up bass drum. Yeah. Well, I'll take the flute and I'll like smash it. So there's only like the middle part of it. So it's not so unruly. You see that in the back with his hands in his hair. Like, no, I was like, don't worry about it. This is going to be way better. No. And my hands are stuck in my hair. And I'm like, Hey everybody, look over here. Are they looking? Yeah. Some people are looking. Okay.

Like being, you know, I are going to do a song. One, two, one, two, three, four. Her name was Rebecca. And she is not a succubus. When we came down from the heights, we found a bag of cookies. Me and Rebecca hanging out and eating cookies. Get that nookie, get that cookie. Get that nookie, get that cookie. Rebecca, you are something else. You make me feel like I'm in a house. You make me want to walk up a cliff and catch a beam of sunlight for you. Rebecca! And everybody goes nuts. Wow.

It's like, yeah! Do we have to roll for it? It's music, man. You're not trying to, because the last time you rolled for it, you were trying to distract me. You distracted people from the fact that Billy was breaking into a room. Okay. I want to roll for it. All right, do it. Defy danger charisma? Guess so. 11, 12, 13. Everybody goes nuts. They love it. They can't get enough. Yeah, they say, encore, encore. And this time we do Allison. Fuck yes! Mears, look!

Yeah, and Mears is still with that kid that he was talking to, and he's like, I know these guys. And he's like, oh, cool! And yeah, Allison is a huge hit as well. Have they heard it already? A couple people are like, oh! They start pointing at you like, this is dumb! This is Allison! And one of them runs, runs into his room. Like, one of them runs off, and you see him come back a few minutes later, and he's got a big glass jug in his hands.

And he, it's got a cork, and it's got some sort of weird liquid in it. And some other thing in there. And he runs up, and he's like, can you please, can you please sign this? I'm your, I'm your biggest fan. Yeah. I was like, yeah, totally. I got this at great personal expense to me, and I've only listened to it a couple times, because I want to, I want to have it for as long as possible. Okay, yeah. What's your name? My name's, uh, Jigbin. Jigbin. That's me, Jigbin.

Do you have a last name, Jigbin? Yep, it's personal. Jigbin personal. You can share it. It's, it's Burl. I'm a Burl. Oh, you're a Burl. I'm a shite carpenter, though. I don't like to tell people. I, I mostly just love music. Oh, yeah, man. What's your favorite kind? While I'm signing, we're just talking. It's gotta be rock, gotta be rock and metal. You don't get a lot of that out here. Yeah. What is the main kind of music out here? It's mostly like, bed, flutes. Yeah, bed is the only one.

And then someone came through with that, with one of these babies, and I've been holding onto it ever since. You know what? You should make a lute. You should make a guitar. Not me. Well, I mean, your whole family is carpenters. I'm sure you could, like, convince one. I hope so. I don't know if they'd approve, though. You know, the barrel name, it holds such weight. Yeah. Forget weight. Follow your heart. Yeah, man. People would probably love your music. We'll see. We'll see.

You obviously have great taste. Oh, thank you so much. But he's like, oh, yeah, so if you could just sign this in any way that is convenient or easy for you. Yeah, sure. I'll take out my impenetrable billhook, and I'll, like, like, scratch my name into it. Yeah. Yeah. And yeah, he's, and Ving, do you use him? Oh, I use my crystal hands. Oh, yeah. Scratch my little name. Oh, yeah. And he's like, oh, this is amazing.

And he looks inside at the liquid and the little, you see a little thing running through it just to make sure that there's nothing wrong with it. And it's like, oh, this is amazing. Thank you so much. I'm going to be the, be the talk of the town. Oh, no, no one's really going to talk about it, but I'm going to talk about it. Yeah, go for it. Thank you so much. And he runs off and he starts showing other people. Cool. Yeah. We should find Billy. Yeah. Billy's, still at the food.

Billy has gorged himself. Oh, and is asleep. Yeah. He is so drunk. Billy's drunk? Yeah. Oh, no. He didn't know what was in those kegs. Jesus. Yeah, you see, there's like, Billy breathes in and snores and a little bit of smoke comes out of his nose. Fuck. And also, there's a lot of chicken in his mouth. He hasn't swallowed it. He goes over and scoops it out so he doesn't choke.

And you see, there's somebody sitting across the table from Billy and he's this, it's just this like big dude and he's eating too. And then he gets up and as he gets up and leaves, you see the image of Perel sitting on the other side of the table. Whoa. He's like, so you're just leaving Billy to kind of do whatever he wants now, huh? He's talking to us? Yeah, he's talking to you too. We go up and we sit with him. Yeah. And he's, he's the way that Billy has been seeing him lately.

So his robe is a little looser. We, yeah, we haven't really described it. I swear that I did, but now, no, I've listened through all the old episodes in the last couple weeks. Never describe him. Okay, well, so just describe him. In my head, he was kind of bald, like kind of tan skin, a sort of sharp nose. Does he have a toilet bowl? But it's very, he like obviously shaved it. Okay. During his life, but you can still see like the stubble.

And then I realized after I started describing him last time with like the glasses and stuff that in my head now, he just kind of looks like Stanley Tucci. Fuck yeah. That's awesome. Yeah, like he just, but he's like kind of, he's like a more tan Stanley Tucci. Does he have a mustache? I mean, he can, I don't know if he had a mustache. He's probably had a mustache at certain points in his life. Cool.

But like he's, he's also, it's all just up to affectation because I don't know if we've really talked about this, but I don't know if wizards are necessarily people in the same way that other people are people. So like he's just decided to have a mustache from here and there. So yeah, he just looks like Stanley Tucci. Yeah. So like you're talking to him and then like you look away and you look back and he's got a mustache. He's got a mustache and glasses. Wait a second.

He's like, oh, you didn't like it? Yeah. Drops into a soul patch. What about this? And then he looks like the scientist from the movie from Captain America. He's like, oh, mustache is better. Okay. Well, what's he's wearing? He's wearing his robe, which is like blue and covered in designs that sort of shift and move. And then he's got like a light shirt underneath because his robes open and he's got like kind of short pants, kind of capris. Like he's, he's casual Perel right now.

Like he's cargo, cargo things on it. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. There's little pockets. He's a, he's a professional. He needs storage and you see the inside of his robe. Actually, if this is based on how it looked in his life, it's just covered in pockets. Like the inside is full of stuff. Cool. Yeah. And he's just sitting there like, so you're just kind of, I know that you've let Billy run around in the past, but now he's coming into his own power and he's going to need a guiding hand.

I can only do so much. What do you, I mean, I mean, Billy does what Billy does. We don't have control over him. Well, I know in the past that's kind of been how you do it. Look, man, I trust, we trust Billy. He's never let us down so far. He has a good heart and he has a good will and, and he's got a good head on his shoulders. And then at that point in time, Billy barfs a little. Yeah. Well, he's got a good heart and good will. Honestly, like, I feel like Billy knows what's good for Billy.

He, he looks up and he's, yeah, that's probably true, but do you know anything about fairies? Nope. Fairies, no. Well, that might be what you're dealing with here. And they're creatures of, of instinct and desire. And if, if you want to keep him around, you're going to need to let him know that. Because he could desire another life at any time and he could be gone.

And I turned to Ving and I'm like, like, I hear this like kind of advice a lot, but I think anytime we've tried to like interfere in Billy and how he can governs his life, it like goes wrong. And if Billy chooses, he wants to leave at some point. That's his choice. I'm happy with his choices if they make him happy. Yeah, me too. I think the best we can do for him is like teach him how to be happy and to like understand himself. I agree. And not to swear. Yeah, that's my fucking fault.

I do that a lot. So fucking nice. I taught him most of his bad words. He's he's picked up a few on his own. He had a he had a long time to learn. Do you know how old he is or who his actual parents are? I only know as much as I can intuit from, you know, past research. Just watch him. Doi. Yeah, we're gonna keep an eye on him, obviously. He's our favorite thing. Yeah, we love him more than anything else in the world. Look, I mean, what are we gonna look at? We didn't do a great job tonight.

What are we gonna watch? Him and we point at Mears. What's Mears doing? Oh, what's Mears doing? He was talking to that kid and he's like, okay, bye. I'll see you. I'll see you later. I'll see you tomorrow. Did you give him a kiss? No, he's too shy. He's like, okay, bye. And he's like, you could tell he wants to. He's like thinking about something and he's like, okay, I'm gonna go. And then he walks over to you and he's like, this is a great party. And like, hey, Mears, have you met this guy?

He's a wizard. He looks over and he's like, what are you talking about? Oh, I assumed you were talking to each other and you look back and Peril's gone. Classic wizard. Mears is like, okay, anyways, I'm gonna hit the hay. I'm pretty tired. Okay, sounds good. Did you make it with that guy? He blushes so hard. He's like, what are you talking about? It's like that dude you were talking to. Who, Kem? Kem is, he's cool, but like, I don't know. Whatever. Another way he looked at you. Yeah.

He's like, whatever. I don't even, I don't, who, bye. He just walks off to go find somewhere to sleep. He's like, I'm gonna go find the cart. I'm gonna go find out where Francis went. You should find out where Kem lives. Kem lives over there. I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go find where Francis is. We're yelling at him. We're like, Kem really wants it, man. Go for it. I'm gonna go find Francis. Bye. And he's gone. He's gone.

But yeah, and the party can continue, but people are starting to fall asleep at the table or people are starting to go away in groups and on their own and things are starting to wind down. It's pretty late. Yeah. I think me and Ving have to have a conversation about Billy. Okay. Is Billy up? Kind of, but he's rolled back down onto the table. And we're kind of just like rubbing his back to kind of get him through the night. See, Merbo and Yilliam have left. The woman's gone.

But you see, you've got this sort of quiet area under the overhang. What do you think? Do you trust Perel? I mean, yeah, kind of. I kind of do too. And that's saying a lot. Yeah. Because he killed you. I mean, Billy seems to trust him. Yeah, Billy seems to trust him. And like, I don't want anything bad to happen to Billy. He said that Billy could die if he's not trained, if he keeps doing what he's doing. Yeah, I guess he could, but he doesn't really know.

Like he said himself, he doesn't know what fairy magic is like. Like, is there anybody that does? That's a good question. That's a really good question. I actually haven't even thought about that. That's something that would be fun to explore. Yeah, we wake him up a little bit. Yeah. Billy, you've been remembering more and more, right? About your past? Mm-hmm. Who's the first person you can remember? William. William. William. Do you remember where it was? Yeah, it was in the woods.

And he woke me up. This was in the Halfling Lands? Yeah, it was at home. Was it Lone Tree Hill? Yeah. Yeah, it was. And then we kind of like let him fall back asleep. Rub him back. We rock him back to sleep. And we're like, William. Yeah, we might have to try and find, we might have to try and find William or his like descendants, depending on how old Billy is. Maybe there's like some information that's been passed down. Yeah, about like what he is or who he is. All right.

Let's just go to William right now. Just picking. I'm like, I think we need to get to the vault. Ving is hammered. Yeah. No, you know what? Yeah. Let's do it all right now. I start realizing now, I'm realizing now that Ving is still pretty fucked up. I've got smoke for wings and I love chicken. Chicken wings. And I'm like, okay, buddy. And I, so Billy, Ving is holding Billy and I pick up Ving. And I'm like, well, let's get you both to some bed times. Yeah. I'm a bed times. You're a bed times.

We're all bed times now. Bed times now. And you head off to sleep at the, Burbo set you up in the town hall. And you're like, and the night ends. And that's where we're going to end it for this week. My name is Sean O'Hara. This has been Spout Lore. I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara. And joining, joining me, Sean O'Hara has always been playing Tacoma dome, the barbarian of dual Aziz. Bye everybody. Further friend of Sean O'Hara playing Ving, the half elf druid, Paul offers offers. Bye.

And also next to Sean O'Hara is playing fat Billy, the half elf druid, the half elf thief, Jessica tie. Good night, everyone. And listening to my Sean O'Hara voice right now is you. And thanks to Aaron Reed too, man. I'm fucking this up so thoroughly. That's okay. We got a lot of background. It's fine. And thank you for listening to a podcast, the likes of which the world has never seen the likes of which good night, everybody. See you next time.

And so ends the tale of adventures three, who tried the best they can, the dumb and scared and lost. They be for times of breast in revelry. And though our journey may be like a conclusion, we will not leave you without a resolution. Return next week to hear some more. Wow. You can you, or do your chores. And for you, I gladly. It's about.! Oh Oh Oh