Episode 5 – The God That Never Was

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes, noble and bold. A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old. You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring. So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing. Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight. Fingers have health, he shifts his shape and wields a spear with great might. Billy's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart.

Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts. So gather round friends and listen close, for the tale's about to start. Hello everybody and welcome to LobsterCast. The Spout Lore show that's just about seafood restaurants within one block of our studio. Finally! My name's Cap'n Sean O'Hara and I'm your seafaring game master. Oh, I love it. We're doing a theme today. And joining me as always, playing first mate Tacoma Dome the Barbarian, Abdul Aziz.

Ahoy there, avast for there be crab on these seas. I just wanna say. I just wanna say. Is that a warning? I will give you crabs. Playing Ving the half first mate druid, Paul Oppers. Uh, p-p-poop. Deck. And playing first mate Fat Billy, the halfling mate, Jessica Tai. Aye there matey. I see a lobster roll before me. Mmm. You call it fucking Shakespearean Macbeth with it. Is this a lobster roll I see before me? Is it a lobster roll floating in the sea? When last we left.

Your love is but the horseradish upon my oyster's heart. Oh. That made sense. Keep going. I will not. Oh, carrot. For I have gone too long. When last we left our heroes, they were overcome with a plethora of choices, a plethora of responsibilities. Tacoma Dome the Barbarian absolutely ravaged from both the battles up until the battles of the pig wars, the hogpocalypse, and the encounter with the Oneirophage. Yeah, Fatim ravaged me so hard. And I loved it. You think he ravished.

We're so close though. Yeah. It is really close. It is the kind of thing where. I'm talking Fatima in the same room. There's a weird electric energy. Yeah. And they don't quite know what to make of it. They're like, I guess that means we hate each other. Do I take batteries now? He required to recover from some debilities that now he could be cured of and to recover some damage that he had taken. Three days of uninterrupted arrest, which. Begrudgingly. I could tell Abdul was not interested.

In taking. So the medical ministrations of Ving and Fat Billy, mostly in the form of oil of tag it and a cast iron skillet put tuck out for three days. And in that time, the party was introduced to the fact that Morris and Perel have been working on a wireframe body to house the moss, which connects them to Aquaria of the Green Tower. Far away in the Sea of Graves. And once complete, they hope will allow her to form a sort of moss body to have a more active role in their lives. Not like that.

Come on. Act present. A more present role in their lives. No, come on, guys. They're going to fuck hard with their dicks. All three of their dicks. I have to go. I'm taking these with me. Paul's trying to leave, but his boner's still there. I'm taking these with me. Paul's trying to leave, but his boner's stuck on the table. He's trapped.

Billy attempted to help Morris and Perel with their construction, but was instead given a child's task to distract him, which he did absolutely magnificently and received a bag of marbles in return before being overcome with guilt at receiving such an illicit amount of marbles that he confessed to his parents. The party also took part in a seance. Archival.

Arcane closed circle communication with cloud piercer learning that he has not seen chimes for quite some time but he helped guide ving through remembering what their current quest is thankfully was the information we received and we also got quite a lot of information on the war between the firefields principality and the high spear and riverways principality including the first appearance by the twin princeps of the firefields which we have named now off mic and now on mic colm and callum blackhammer yeah so cool colm the warrior callum the politician so cool and saw a pretty long series of battle sequences that jessica tuned out from nope because the boys were talking about fighting well I couldn't join in with sound effects well can you give us a couple now I only have one let's hear it that's an onomatopoeia I don't know if that counts when the mech was doing that oh no he's running out of batteries someone's got to plug him in then tuck took his recovery time which involved the last vestiges of his dream capabilities disappearing into the ether into the space between worlds leaving a void behind that void was almost immediately filled by black spire yeah everybody's favorite metalhead dragon using their mental connection the party received a an update while tuck received an update on black spire who has been consuming so much sunstone that he is becoming sort of a black and white dappled color and his magma breath has been replaced with flashes of sunstone light so cool so cool and we saw on the walls many diagrams and notes pertaining to black spire's physiology and probably the changes that are overtaking him got a little look at icon uh vessel for the icon of wrath and rad teen zane who has just apparently become sort of obsessed with black spire probably because he's so cool yeah oh yeah he's got a t-shirt says got wrath love yeah yeah yeah and he's got like yeah he's got black fingernails uh with obsidian fingernail paint oh so cool after coming out of this tuck now finally for the first time in many many seasons is without the debility to his wisdom oh yeah healed totally healed back to normal back to normal just in time to realize that while there are many options the party could go to high spear the party could go meet mother never never was the party could try and reconnect with chimes they had a lot of places they could go but not a lot of easy ways to get there overcome with the challenges and the choices related to all of those suddenly they heard a knocking in the corridor and approached a door with a little brass tag next to it that previously said guest room but now says hither and yawn so exciting yeah and that is where we find the heroes now what do you do do we just all immediately open the door or do we wait and make it a moment oh my gosh we're asking ourselves that right now you're all standing in front of the door like wait what if he's different what if he's not there what if he doesn't like us anymore or also it could be a trap trap expert oh yeah oh sure very interesting I'll do it 2d6 plus dexterity 10 10 so you get three holds to spend on the questions of trap expert okay is there a trap here and if so what activates it there is a trap here this isn't a physical trap this is a metaphysical trap that billy is feeling the intentions of and you feel that if you were to enter this space with I'll intent it would not go well for you oh what does the trap do when activated it sends you elsewhere what else is hidden here you smell a scent rolling out from under the crack in the door it smells like paella what do you do I kind of tuck doesn't want to go inside because he's like nervous to see his friends again because he's like in a bulk phase and he was way more cut before which is not true yeah he's never once been cut not once in his life I was cut to be clear like tuck is not like a chubby kid that got skinny he is a chubby kid that just put on muscle under the chub for his entire life yeah he was in a cut phase last time we saw them and boy god boy was I ever defined I looked like hugh jackman on the cover of wolverine I think he'll still like you I don't think that'll matter I know I know it doesn't matter but I'm a little self-conscious about being in the bulk phase that's why I'm here I'm not going to lie to you that I'm in right now.

I don't think you should go through the door then if our intentions are right and you're going in there with a nervous intention. That's true. It might send me somewhere else, like somewhere that I can't bulk. Like a fitness world. A 24-hour fitness. I want to go in there and have the paella, but I feel like it might send me to an anytime fitness. It might send me to hell. What if the 24-hour fitness is like you have to spend 24 hours in there once you walk in? Yeah.

They'd lock the door behind you. And you have to exercise. There's someone at the door with a gun. There's guards. Yeah. They cross their spears in front of the door. You may not leave until you are well-defined. And then open their spears in front of an elliptical machine. They cross the spears, walk over to the elliptical machine, uncross their spears. You get on this one now. One of us can only bulk and one can only cut. Which is it? And it's super easy to tell because once you…

Huge and once tiny. I guess what would your brother eat? Okay. How do we get the right intention to go through this door? Morris? Yes. I'm right behind you. Okay. Do you… Why don't you go through the door first? Why would I go through? And then he looks at the tag and goes, what's that? You know, it's kind of like a liminal space. It's kind of like a traveling area. It's right up your alley. Yeah. I feel like you would really like this place, Morris.

It's like a bar that just appears when you need it. He's like looking… He gets really close to the tag and really close to the door. And he's like, it still looks like the door that I designed. Yeah. This bar got into your house, Morris. How did that happen? Okay. So you're trying to goad Mortis into going into this place? Yeah. Because I'm nervous. I think we're all nervous kind of. Are you active actually trying to goad Morris into going first? Yeah. 2D6 plus… That's charisma.

I'm trying to goad him into it. You got to make him think it's his idea. Nine. Nine. I'll aid. Yeah. Okay. 2D6 plus… How are you aiding? Yeah, Morris. You big chicken. I got six plus seven. Seven. So that makes it a 10, which means Morris is like standing in front of the door and he's like, if what you say is true and this is a liminal space of sorts, we're in a liminal space as well. So how did a liminal space connect to a liminal space? It's like two liminal spaces docking each other.

There's great power at work here. And if there's one thing Morris Wadges never shirked away from, it's great power. All right, I'll do it. And then it cuts to 10 minutes later and he's wearing like one of those old style scuba suits. He's got a diving helmet on. A hard hat? He's like, I'll do it. And he walks away. What? Yeah. What? What? What? What? You hear a bunch of clanging and then about 10 minutes later, boom. Boom. He's got canvas. He's got brass on his head.

Perel is standing behind him with a big bellows. Yeah. Like pumping air into a tube. Yep. Back up, everyone. I'm going in. We can barely hear him through the mask. And he stands in front of it and you see, you can't hear him breathe, but you see his body go up and down and up and down.

And then he twiddles his fingers and he shakily extends his hand towards the doorknob and he puts his hands around the knob and he turns and he pushes the door open but it's a pull it's a pull it doesn't move and then he pulls the door opens and there's sort of like a dim like the lights not quite as bright as it could be in here candlelight candles flickering flickering candles and he steps into the darkness what do you do?

I follow him oh wow send a light cat in there sure Tuck is terrified of seeing his friend again yeah he's he looked back and he's wearing a big loose sweater a big loose hoodie and sweatpants no he's not wearing sweatpants so he's wearing a hoodie and a loincloth are you wearing one of those? What?

Like those big hoodies that go down to your knees yeah yeah like a walmart hoodie it's a poncho it's a snooty or whatever they're called Perel's reading poncho Perel's reading poncho so is it Billy follows Morris?

I will follow behind Billy cautiously I grab Tuck's hand I let Ving guide me in it's quite dim in the hither and yon but it is as you remember it for the most part you see the barrels the big rope spool tables barrels with wooden tops stool chairs a comfy chair and a little couch next to a fireplace off to the left the old bar everything is surprisingly based on the last time you were here devoid of dust what do you do?

I follow my nose you're walking towards the kitchen walking towards the kitchen where you remember the kitchen to be off to the right of the bar and Morris is ahead thunking in his diving bell costume and from one of the storerooms suddenly bursting out you hear haven't these scallywags?

And a massive form bursts from the storeroom and Morris is pounded to the ground by the powerful form of a woolly pig whoa Francis and then Victor runs in you stay away from my family you scoundrel there's a whole I know they're gonna be like I don't know I don't have an accent off two animals just roaring and squealing at each other and then Francis makes eye contact with the three of you my word big eyes glistening anime welling up the welling tip it got me I'm so happy to see you again Francis sorry go hug I go hug him both mine eyes deceive me my boy the small boy it is me fat Billy how is it I can understand you we've all got the power I'm sharing it and you hear from the top of the stairs a creak and the door a door swinging open here Francis what's going on and thumping down the stairs a figure who knows who it could be mysterious first you see can I roll the figure and who this is absolutely discern realities hmm two to six plus wisdom uh wisdom nine okay so you get one question I got six I failed can you you can aid him can I aid what yeah cause you got a six yes seven seven seven ten okay so you all look towards the stairs at the same time so what are the questions that you ask uh what here is not what it appears to be why would you ask that one first actually there is an answer to this question uh huh you see fine leather boots coming down like the stair oh like well made not ostentatious but well made my goodness but you see them on feet bigger than you would expect and the there's a longer distance between like the legs keep the torso out of sight longer than you would think they would so tall and as he's coming down the stairs you hear kiss me ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding and the candles are like flickering and the candles are like yeah what should I be on the lookout for uh you see touching as as kiss me by six pence none the richer continues to play you see a hand touch the banister a metal hand a hand you remember being thin wire frame but now it seems like filled out with metal plates forming like a strong full hand so cool articulated fingers an iron like an iron like an iron hand whoa that touches the banister as the figure continues down the stairs and finally I will ask you're looking for the dumbest question you could ask aren't you who's really in control here it's perfect so suspicious and you see a fairly broad and filled out torso in an apron a leather apron underneath a linen shirt kind of like a kind of wide shoulders bit of heft on him and the head comes into view oh my god cheeks filled in a little blonde beard kind of long like shaggy-ish curly blonde hair as you finally see the face of an 18 year old Mears Fowlsmith whoa whoa Mears how old was he when we saw him last?

14 whoa holy shit and he goes what the hell! Don't be mad where have you been?

And he comes charging down the stairs and he's like almost six feet tall he's pretty like hefty and he just wraps you all in a hug oh my I can't believe it oh oh how oh and he like holds Billy up and he like like pushes Tuck back and he's just getting a look at all of you wow look at you you're all grown up tell me everything I wish I could and I think we we cut forward a few minutes to like you're all sitting at the bar Mears is behind the bar looks like a duck on a lake like so comfortable where he is he's like pouring drinks for everybody I'm chugging a huge like his hugest mug of chowder I say one more please he ladles some chowder into a cup and slides it down the bar to Billy I catch it and I'm like I'm like I'm like I'm like I'm like I'm like I'm like that was a drinking sound yeah can you give us that drinking sound one more time the chowder glopping out of the cup it was oh yeah and we lead it to Mears and we're like is that dairy free is that a dairy free chowder oh no oh fuck yeah listen we're all here to celebrate right we're all here for a good time Billy's on the counter his like shirt is open his tie is really loose you know I'm like a bunch of soap around his lower around his face yeah like padlock shape like a mustache and a goatee exactly what are Tuck and Ving drinking Ving grabbed a bottle of like like an old the oldest bottle he could find like we're celebrating oh yeah it's an old bottle of McCollin Oxblood ooh yeah pulls it cork it with his teeth and then glugs for everybody who wants one the thick red liquor pours into the cups and gets passed around to the adults including Mears now now a man oh now he's allowed to drink are you legal I mean depends on where you are I don't know that we've ever established a canonical drinking age that's true yeah I think we've just kind of thought it was weird sometimes if somebody gave booze to Billy but that's pretty much it starts drinking from his cup and Mears is just kind of like fiddling with his cup I gotta say it's kind of weird to see you guys why it's just it's been so long I know we've been looking everywhere for you have you well I have people in the discord have not shut the fuck up about it let's just say your name gets brought up a lot well I've well I mean look around I've you know this is it's been I've been pretty busy it's been there's been a lot well yeah what's you you heard our thing like the things that we've been up to what are some of the other travelers that you've met oh countless usually people in need this is a place to be for you this is a place to be for you A place that goes to people that need it.

Which leads me to believe that you three and your friends, all of you, clearly, need something. Who knocked on the door? Did you knock? Oh, sometimes, if Hither and Yon gets impatient, it tries to get the attention of people that it came for. It was sitting there for like two and a half days. Must have been. We haven't had any customers in a while, so that makes sense. Oh, wow. I'm sorry. I should walk by the doorway more often. Yeah. That's why it was a passive-aggressive knock. Yeah.

Oh, Fatim? Yeah? He was here for a while. Oh. What? Whoa. Yeah. Is he here now? No. And then Tuck tugs on the sweater he's wearing to loosen. He's like, is he here now? Hold it in the middle. Yeah. Like square up your shoulders. Yeah. No, he's been- And he grabs his axe, too. Because it's like such a weird relationship. He's like, I gotta make sure I look good. But also that I can kill him if I have to? Yeah. They're both things. Oh, God.

And then he readjusts because his boner's poking out of the little snuggie he's wearing. It's poking out of it? Yeah. It's trying to get out. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. It's trying to find a way. It's trying to find its way. How do we figure out who needed what? I think we all needed direction. Morris came through first, though. Yeah. And Morris is the only- Morris has taken off his diving helmet, but he's been walking around. Mm-hmm. Inspecting hither and yon. Mm-hmm. And he's frustrated.

He's looking at doors and knobs and fixtures. He's opening the windows. Because the windows look into the hallway- Yeah. Of the fanny pack. And he's like, there are no windows there. This doesn't make any- And he's opening. He's like, I can't figure out how they did this. I can't figure it out. Who did this? I don't know. It doesn't strike me as a place that was constructed by a wizard. You've never seen anything like this? What is this? Not in all my days.

And he- He pushes over a whole table and then starts ripping the carpet up. Mirrors is like, I just did that a couple weeks- Ah, jeez. Wait, so you're saying that Fadum was here? Yeah, he was here for- He stayed for probably six months. Oh my God. What was he doing here so long? He was just lost. He was kind of in crisis. And that seems to be most of the people that show up here are people that are in some kind of crisis and need to unwind, need to relax, recalibrate.

Did he end up finding his way? I hope so. Where did you let him off, so to speak? Somewhere… It was somewhere south of Blacklass, along the coast. That is where we are going. He tucks out his sweater again. He keeps getting wedged under his belly. Okay. He gets a wedgie in between his pecs. Pecs. Well, is anybody else here? Or is it just you and Francis? Just me and Francis. We've just been kind of traveling around, helping people out, serving people. I think this is where I'm supposed to be.

So you can't come with us? Well, I didn't say that. Can you control where the Hither and Yon goes? Yeah. I'm starting to figure it out, I think. Like you can leave sometimes? I can. I can. I can. I can. I can. I can. I can. I can. I can. I can. Watch this. What? And he walks to the front door. And you can see him take a couple steadying breaths. And he steps through the door. And he's attacked by a lyre wolf. He's tackled by Victor. You know them! Stranger Danger! Get them! Get them now!

And then you hear… And Francis balls Victor up. Oh, cool. And they just start rolling in that way that dogs fight, where they're clearly not trying to hurt each other, but they're playing. But Mears is like… Standing in the hallway and he throws his arms wide. Huh? What if we close the door? Don't close the door. Okay. It does not have that much. Are you just demonstrating to us that you're not agoraphobic?

I guess I've been inside for a long time, but I think that with the right negotiation and intention in this place, I could maybe connect your fanny pack to the back door. The back door of what? Hither and yon. There's not just one door. We could have permanent access to the hither and yon, wherever we take the pack. Oh, shit. And he points to the roof and there's the hatch that Chimes went through. Oh. Remember? There's multiple entrances and exits. Okay. And some of them are permanent?

2d6 plus intelligence to Spout Lore. Uh-oh. Minus one? I have minus one. Oh, zero. Zero. Actually, Billy doing it makes sense because fairies are all about boundary crossing. Okay. Unless you want to do it. No, I don't. Okay. I'll fuck it up. I got 10. Okay. Holy shit. Pretty good roll. Yes. You want to add? Let's make it an 11? Yeah. Jessica, tell me how Billy thinks that this could work using the fairy knowledge of boundary crossing. Is it just an act of thinking about it?

Is there something that you would have to do for hither and yon? Is it a ritual of some kind? I think, yeah, some sort of anchor has to be placed in each, like within the doorway. There has to be something done to the doorway, the entrance. Well, maybe it has to do with the key that you need to open the door with. Could be a key. Yeah. Oh. Could be a room key. Room keys. If you have a room key, then you can always get into the back door. I really like that. Yeah, that's great. Yeah.

And then you could each have, oh, you could each have a little room. Oh, yeah. In hither and yon. Yeah. We would obviously share the same room because we're co-divided. He's going to, and he will obviously offer you three room keys and you'll be like, not necessary. Lead the way. Thank you. One for us, one for Morris and Perel. Thank you. They can have the room at the end of the hallway. Yeah. Mears. Yeah. How have you been, what is this intentionality that you've been putting into it?

I've just been like. What does that mean? I just that I've been like, as the new barkeeper, I've been trying to put my mark on the place as you can see. And he like walks over to a pot of plants, like a, like a flower vase. And he goes, see. Oh, it's beautiful. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. I've had a lot of time on my hands these last years. Yeah, I guess the more we look around, I'm like, oh, like he's knitted things to put on stuff. And he's like stickers.

Portraits, painted rough portraits are like getting more and more like better and better. Oh, yeah. Of what's his name? Kem? Kem. Yeah. Some dried flowers, like dried bouquets. Yeah. Yeah, totally. Yeah. There's like there is a stage. And there's like a really rough made like plank stage that he created. And there's like there's a concertina on the stage that he's obviously been practicing. One of the straps is like for a normal human hand and then the other one's way bigger.

What are they called? Tickle trunks? Oh, yeah. With the costumes that Mears has collected and made. Some musical pages that he's writing a song. Don't you forget about me. Yeah. Yeah. So putting more of myself. Into this place as the barkeeper. I've got a I feel like I'm starting to get a bit of influence. And he's looking around like at the rafters like asking basically. Yeah. And you hear some like groaning timbers and he's like, all right. So here's I think I think this will work.

This is work before we've done this for other people. And he walks over to like next to the the shelves on the bar. There's like a little rack. And it's got wooden. Pegs in it. There's 12 wooden pegs. And there are keys hanging from the pegs. Some of the pegs are keyless. Okay. But there are several keys that he takes off. They've got little wooden like key chains on them that say H and Y. Uh-huh. And then like the room number on them. Cool. He walks over and he goes, these are room keys.

If you have these on you with good intent and you think about coming here, you'll be able to come through the back door. Sweet. And that should be able to get you. Yeah. Into hither and yon whenever you please. Wow. He starts handing out keys. One to Ving. One to Tuck. One to Billy. Thank you. Thank you. Yes. And Morris and Perel kind of go like. No, he also gives one to Perel. He knows Perel. I keep forgetting. Do you need one? And Morris is like pulling books off a bookshelf.

And looking behind. Do I have to give him a key? Yeah. And Morris is like, I will not accept that. Key. Holy shit. I'm bad at this. Morris is basically just like, fuck you and your room key. I'll get in here whenever the fuck I want to. I'm the master of space and time. Not this bar. And Perel's like, we'll just share. He can use my key. Yeah. So that, I mean, that makes it a little bit easier. You can come and go as you please. But what do you need right now? We just, I don't know. But.

Not to everybody, but I just want some time. Oh. And if Hither and Yon's good at giving you anything and he pats the bar, it's time. And then the cheers theme plays. Nobody knows your name. Except for that guy. It plays over a montage of Morris, like ripping the main room apart. Like mirrors, like pushing him away from stuff. Following him around with like a hammer and nails. Yeah. Morris like in the, in the diving. Like taking swings at mirrors. But they're like woodcut drawings. Yeah. Totally.

Victor and Francis rolling into furniture, fighting each other. Billy has started knitting a doily. How is he at it? Not good. What do you guys want out of this rest? Like you can absolutely, we can chat. We can get, I think we just rested. Yeah. Yeah, totally. I want to ask. I want to ask mirrors. I go up to them. I go up to him while he's hammering down some floorboards. Yeah. He's putting some floorboards back in place that Morris tried to pull up. Hey, mirrors. Yeah.

Have you stopped anywhere? Like really spooky and weird. Oh, lots of places. Like, like, have you heard of mother? Never was. Has anyone mentioned that name? He stops nailing. He hits his finger, but it goes clang because it's made out of metal. That's cool. What do you mean? Well, we, we told you the whole thing about the gibbous man. The God of the sky is like tracking us. Yeah.

So we found out that there's like a thing that he's scared of and it's this like wit, like bog, which called mother never was. Uh huh. Who's like crazy deal maker. Super scary. It seems to play with spaces. She supposedly like knows some stuff about him that might help us when we fight. Yeah. She hates chimes. We know that we learned that. Yeah. Pretty much the entire planet is terrified of her. Yeah. And he gets up and he like pats his, he wipes his hands on his apron.

I'd stay away from mother. Never was. If I was you, what do you know? I just, I, a couple of people have come through that have dealt with her. Some in better shape than others. How so? Well, one, one lady came in and she seemed fine. She came out of some sort of swamp, but she just needed a place to stay. So she stayed here for a couple of days. And then the next day it was like she was a totally different person and she just went ballistic.

And then another time someone came in this, this, this old man. And then I found out that he was like nine years old, but he's this old man. And all of them, they just babbled and babbled about mother never was. And you travel around as long as I have. And the places that I have, you know, that if someone's name comes up that often in situations like that, you know, you're going to be in trouble. You're going to be in trouble. You're going to be in trouble. You're going to be in trouble.

You're going to be in trouble. You want to stay away from them. I think we've already run into her. And you want to go back. It was an option, but I feel like, I feel like it's probably the worst of our options. Yeah. It's sort of a last resort. It's not necessary at this point. What about Chimes? Have you, have you seen Chimes? Yeah. Oh yeah. Once or twice. He's got one of the room keys. Oh, cool. That's so sick. I love that. Can we call him? Can we call him? Can we call him?

We need to speak with him. We need to speak with him. I can't, I can't call him, but he might show up at some point. And if he does, I can, I can. All right. Let me try this. And then Tuck goes to the front door, cuts the line that was connecting Morris's diving costume to like the rest of it. And he closes the door. Whoa. And then he opens it again. What's there? Whoa. What do you think is there? I don't know. Should we roll? Yeah, you can roll. I guess so. Because our intention is Chimes.

Yeah. We need help. And he's the stepdad of the waves. Who can help us? Stepdaddy of the waves. Give me a defy danger wisdom. 2d6 plus wisdom. 12. 12. Oh my gosh. So you close the door. Morris goes, no. No. And the shutters over the windows all slam shut. Whoa. Sick. They shut like. Yeah. And then you. Storm is raging. You open the door again. And you are looking straight up at a. Stormy sky. Whoa. Oh, sick. Are we up? Are we in the sea of graves? It. You are looking at a stormy sky.

Straight up. Yeah. Straight up. Oh, okay. Can we climb out of the front door? And you, you like reach out in the door and you can feel the change in gravity as your hand passes the threshold. Cool. And you grip onto the sides of the doorframe and you touch like old weathered planks. Whoa. Hello. And you. Hook your head out. Oh, we're in the boat. And sitting. The shipyards. Like three feet away from you. On a bench with the tiller in his hand is Chimes. Chimes. He's totally nude.

He's got a little breech cloth just hanging over his balls. I let go of the doorframe and I fall down. You fall. It's weird because you fall down, but you just like land back on your feet standing at the door. Tumble a little bit into the bar. And he goes. What the fuck? Hey, man, we were looking for you for a little bit. What are you doing? What? Back up, back up. And he pulls a little like he's got a stone at his feet wrapped around a rope and he just tosses it over the side of his skiff.

And as he like tosses the rope, his boat comes to like a dead stop. Oh, cool. And then he tells you to back up. Yeah, we back up. And the door is clear. And he just like steps over the door. Drops through and very fluidly lands on his feet. So sick. Oh, cool. Tuck readjusts the giant sweater he's wearing around the crotch. Has Tuck been soft at any point? In the show? No, never. He's never soft. Rock hard 100% of the time. He just is angling it in different directions.

So many waistbands under the flap. There's like a complex network of rubber bands. Just waistbands. Yeah. And he's like, I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. He's wearing just waistbands. Just waistbands. He tears off pants that he sees out in the dumpsters. Uh, hi. Hey. Uh, he's, yeah, just wearing a breechcloth. But you see like, like whip lean weathered skin covered in tattoos. Cool.

Long gray hair, long gray beard. Ving says to Chimes, looking at Tuck, somebody's in a cut phase. He's so shredded. So shredded. And Tuck is like, I'm gonna go. Tuck, uh, like he tugs on every piece of the sweater that is clutching against his skin. Some sort of fat. Yeah. There must be a lot of static going on. Yeah, yeah. Just making it worse. Yeah. Tucks on. So much fucking static in here. It keeps clinging to my body. I'm so wildly aware of my love handles right now.

And, uh, he walks around all of you, kind of giving you like a weirdly wide berth and then like behind the bar. And grabs a clay jug, pops the cork, smoke starts pouring out of it. Cool. He pours himself a glass. Mears comes out of the kitchen with his regular order. Yeah, totally, which would be, it's like stew and biscuits. Nice. And he just sits at the bar, his bare ass touching the stool. When his ass gets into the stool, it's the exact shape of his butt. Yeah. What's going on?

We need to ask you about Mother Never Was. Ugh. I'm sorry. We just need to know. Yeah, we saw, well, Ving saw like a vision where you stole the ink that you tattooed yourself from her. He's just like looking at his stew. And then we saw that sick ass fight that you had with the Gibbous Man. Yes, when you raised the graves from the sea. That was so fucking sick. We basically are just telling him the story. Like fan club. Yeah, of his life back to him.

And he's not, he's eating, he's dipping a biscuit in his stew, eating some biscuit. And then you were like, and then you're like, you're like, something came out of your fucking mouth. And then the chains were like, yeah. And the waves were like, your hair was like, and when you, when you mentioned the chain, you notice he like kind of rubs one of his forearms a little bit. Oh, cool. And he just is staring at an empty bowl of stew. You looked so hot back then.

You look hot now, but like a different way. Do you want more stew chimes? I can get for you. He nods and he just grabs the bowl and gives it to Billy. Ving pours him another drink. And he takes a smoking mouthful of the, of the liquor. Billy comes back with an overflowing bowl of soup. He just takes it in his hand. He doesn't even think about the stew that's all over his hands now and starts eating again. And he takes a one more sip of his drink. All right.

What do you need to know about mother never was? How? How? Did you trick her? I didn't trick her per se. Our deal just hasn't come due yet. What do you owe her? Well, when I die, what I am goes to her. That's part of the reason I, any kind of gestures to all his tattoos. You know, if I don't die, then the deal's never up. That's so sick, dude. So sneaky. Your life is cheating a deal. My life has always been cheating a deal. Fuck it. So cool. I'm gonna stop talking because this shit's so sick.

Chimes, how did you beat the gibbous man? I had to give up a lot. My breath, you've heard the song, I don't have to go through the whole thing. What's the real version, though? You and I both know a song is, a song is a song. A song's a song. Truth's truth. Well, you saw, sounds like, from the whatever you did, you saw kind of how. I like the idea that he saw us see that. Oh, he probably felt it happening. Yeah.

I also love how fucking, like, dismissively he, like, gestured when he was like, whatever you did. Whatever bullshit you all pulled. Like, he's seen it all. He's like, whatever, some kind of bullshit. Some kind of spirit bullshit. That's your thing? Everybody's got a thing and it all works away. And then he looks at Tuck and he's like, except for you, you don't have anything. Nothing. So what, so what you're asking is how he actually defeated the gibbous man. Yeah. Yeah.

Weaknesses, vulnerabilities. He's also probably spent an eternity thinking about how he would beat him again. Yeah, that's true. The things I learned from Never Was, that was how I was able to give myself to the sea. And in giving myself to the sea, I retained some of its power. Just enough to get the upper hand. Just long enough that I could win. Chimes, are you a god? Not anymore. When were you one? When I had to be. And now, my, the deed was done. The fight was won.

Didn't mean to rhyme there, but you know, sail for long enough. It just kind of happens. And now, God, I'm just a fucking good ass guy. Now I get to spend the rest of eternity trying not to pay a debt I owe. What happens if you pay it? Mother Never Was gets the power that I have. I don't even want to think about it. Hmm. Is she that bad? Are you that powerful? Yes. Yes. And yes. Should we be more afraid of her or of him? Well, who do you fear more? Your enemy? Or what your enemy fears?

Whoa, that's a cool way to think about it. That's a really cool way not to answer the question, Chimes. Wait, Chimes. Chimes is so sick. Chimes. Sean, you're so sick. Billy's like playing with the soup that he spilled all over the counter. He's like, Chimes, Chimes, Chimes. Why is the Gibbous Man so scared of Mother Never Was? I honestly, I wish I could tell you more about Never Was, but she's one thing I even barely understand. I don't know where she exists, but she's not just here.

We're all playing the same game. She's not even on the same board. She's not a god. She's not a god. She's something else completely. She's a creator. Yeah. She's something. But that's the thing. It's like, Spider was the creator, right? Didn't… Was a creator. A creator. Yeah. Because there was also Hummingbird. Hummingbird and Spider made the… That's, I guess I'm saying this to like Chimes. Like, Hummingbird and Spider made the world.

Like, you'd think that they would be the most powerful things. Yeah, if this was the only world. Multiverse. Oh, fuck. I don't want it to be that. Okay, let's spin this back a little bit. So, I mean, I'm trying to think about the Gibbous Man's main thing right now, main issue, for the last couple thousand years, is that though he is a god, he has diminished an aspect because he's like chained to the material plane. Yeah. So he's less powerful than he normally is.

And unless he can free himself from that, he has, like Mother Never Was, is just more powerful than him. Right. What if that's what it kind of is? It's like he's like stuck in his own web. Oh. Oh, yeah. And that's what's keeping him on this plane. And Mother Never Was is untethered. Like, because she can, like, see all the paths untaken, all the strands of the web, she can travel them easily. So he's at her, like, mercy. Okay, that's cool.

So that is where her power is from, is that she's all of the things that were never made. Which is like, outweighs the creation that was, which is a lot. Yeah. Her possibilities are like infinite. Yes. Just because of the nature of it. But it comes from a non-space. Yeah. So there's something, it limits her. Because if she wasn't just, oh. Is it choice? I mean, maybe, yeah. Maybe it's that because she is the things that never were, she can't make choices like that. Oh, cool. Oh.

So she has to, so the only way that she can influence the world is through other people. Is by other people's desires and their choices. Their choices. Yeah. Oh, and when people make choices out of fear, it's often like not the right thing for them. You know, it's not always the smartest decision. Yeah. Mm-hmm. So that could be how she is trying to, control the outcome. Mm-hmm. That would benefit her most. So, oh man. Okay, wait, sorry. I just started.

Does that mean that Mother Never Was is a god? Oh yeah. But she's the god of the things that were never chosen. Exactly. Yes. A hundred percent. She is the god that never was. Cool. The god, like the nameless one. The one without followers, without, because they don't. Every time something's made, she's the thing that was on the outside of that. She is the, like the negative thing that was unchosen, that was rejected, that like didn't get a chance to exist in the world. Mm-hmm.

And it went somewhere and that place is her domain. Yeah. I love it. Wow. Which means that even time does not have dominion over Never Was. No. Yeah. She exists outside everything. Yeah. Wow. And it's, it makes. Except for what is. Yes. Like you said, there's a limitations in the material realm. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. In the same way that Gibbous Man is constrained here, and that's why he hates it, she is also. Constrained not here, like out of here. Yes.

Where she can, she wants to be a part of the world, but she can't be. And it's like, she uses the deals because a deal is a choice. And that's the only time she can interact with the world. Oh, cool. Is like when a deal can get made. When someone asks something of her. It's so sad. It is really sad. And I like that they're not asking it of her, they're asking. Yeah. It's almost like a nameless, nameless prayer that she can answer. Yeah. The God that never was. Yeah. So Chimes says all that.

Yeah. No. Okay. So what was the last actual question we asked before I decided I hated what I was doing? Oh, wasn't it like, why is, why is he afraid of her? Oh, okay. Yeah. Why are they all after the Tesseract? It's an infinity stone. The infinity stones. There's one more to get. There's just one more to get. There's just one more to get. There's just one more to get. He like holds up his hand. Oh my God. He's got five tattoos on the back of his hand. I need seven tattoos. Yeah.

I hope you, I hope you don't mind. I invited my friends and then Falcon. Oh fuck. Sam Wilson? Oh man, the worst one. You mean Captain America, Abdul? He's Captain America now. I thought it was going to be Ruffalo. Wait, from Hook? That's Rufio. From Fuck. Whoa. I hope you're mad. I invited some of my friends. Ruffalo. Ruffalo. Ruffalo. Fuck. Yeah. Whoa. Okay. So what makes the Gibbous Man afraid of Mother Never Was?

And Chimes is kind of spinning the wooden bowl on the plate, just like fiddling, trying to think about it. He goes, Gibbous Man is here. He's the sky. He's the night sky, the sky of day. And boy, if you get him talking about it, he won't let you forget. He made the world. Yeah. Before he became what he was and what he is now. Mother Never Was. Whenever something gets made, there are a hundred things that didn't, that never were. She's that. She's, she's the God that never was.

And he, as a creator, is terrified of that. He doesn't like all those possibilities. Exactly. Cause he's the one who made a choice. Yeah. Exactly. She's the only way that she can interact with the world is through people's choices. That's why she makes the deals. She wants to be a part of this. He doesn't. Whoa. Did she force a deal between herself and him? And the Gibbous Man? And the Gibbous Man? Oh, that's cool. Did they ever make a deal? They must have interactions.

You can't just be afraid of her for what she is. He's too arrogant. Like from what I know of him. If he did, I don't know what it is. I don't know what it would be. Can we Spout Lore about it? Using the past. Oh. Uh, maybe this is, this is entering the realm of like knowledge. No one would have. What about the Druids? What about in the way that the stars are laid out in the Gibbous Man, his body, the sky? I mean, they've read it all. Potentially. Yeah. Potentially. Hmm.

So if you use that font of Druidic knowledge, you just tell me what it is. Like I don't decide. Do you want that power ball? Shut up. Do not sow seeds of doubt within me. You can do this. I'm kind of just being so part of right now. What is it called again? Uh, can I see your sheet? No. All right. Well, good luck. Druidic lore. That's what it is. It's on the front page. It's the thing that says Druidic lore. The words that you said when you started looking, for the move. Doubt. It's thy name.

I'm, I'm supporting you 100% right now. When you consult the trove of ancient knowledge within you to examine the events of the world, role plus was on a hit. The GM will ask you a question about the subject. Whatever you say is true. So do you think that this is something that the Druids would know that would be recorded in the trees? They would know an aspect of it. They would know something instinctively. They might not know, the details of a deal, but what happened after the deal was made.

I could see that. All right. Are you rolling this? Seven. Plus wisdom. 10. Whoa. 10. So smart. I'll aid. So you get to tell me. You have my ass. You have my ass. Put those goddamn dice down. You better roll those goddamn dice. I got a three. So I'll mark. No, don't take it. You have my ass. You have my ass. You have my ass. You have my ass. You have my ass. You have my ass. You have my ass. You don't get experience for that. I got a nine. Well, it's too bad. All right. What? So what?

On a hit, the GM will ask you a question about the subject. Whatever you say is true. After this deal was made, whatever it was, what did the druids of the world notice change? The stars. What changed? There was stars. The creation of the stars was their deal because it was blackness. The sky, which was everything. The stars are the specs of light are not darkness. They are not what he is, including the moon. Were the first stars their agreement? Maybe. Hmm. There was the contract.

The first contract was the stars. And I feel like we missed the part where Paul said that was also the creation of the moon. Uh-huh. Yeah. That makes sense. That makes sense. So his mother never was Lillian's mother. Oh, that makes sense. That's cool. That's sick. The gibbous man and mother never was our exes. That makes so much sense. That makes a lot of sense. He's trying to run away from his crazy ex. It makes so much sense. It's just, it's just husbands and wives fighting each other. True.

Isn't that all gods? Oh my God. It is so much mythology. Yeah, it is. So the, so mother never was and the gibbous man are former lovers. I mean, and their child is Lillian. And their lovers could be that they work together in some way. Yeah. He created the world. She is everything that isn't. That could be their love language. Yeah. It's not, it's not like, yeah, cause they're gods. It's not like humanity. They were straight up stupid. Yeah. They're like on the phone every night.

Like how's it going? But also, and the gibbous man's dad was like, you gotta hang up. My buddy's calling. You've been tying up the line all night. I'm trying to get on, uh, msn.bc. I tried to call you six times. Dot bc. What? Dot bc. I'm msn.bc. Isn't that what? I'm trying to get on msn.bc. Is that the new channel that everyone likes? Yeah, that's the one. Msn.bc. I miss msn. So, okay, this, that's, that's big, but that really fits. That makes sense. Yeah.

So Ving says this, Ving tells everybody, like he looks inside himself. Like from that dream and the knowledge. Yeah. And it, you know, new runes like bloom on Ving's skin. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Point to lidded point to lism ruins. Uh huh. Yeah. Like he's like, becomes covered in a map of the entire sky. Whoa. Stars that we've never seen. Cause we haven't traveled far enough to see them.

And then when you're doing the communion with the seed in your chest to get this information and the tattoos start to show up, chimes grabs your wrist like really tight and slams it on the bar and then just starts reading. Whoa. Cool. I like that. So he starts reading. He starts reading the runes and the points of light that are like appearing on your skin. Yeah. And then he kind of like makes a gesture as if he was tossing a book down on a table, but it's your hand. It was already there.

And he sits down at his stool and he pours another drink of smoking liquor. It takes a big gulp, just skulls. It takes the whole thing back and goes, okay, so mother never was, is my mother-in-law. Oh, no wonder you're scared of her. That makes sense. I wish I knew that. Before I wish I knew that before, you know, I want to say that I missed you guys, but sort of shit. I don't miss. And mirrors is like wide eyed. He's been cleaning the same glass for 20 minutes.

His metal fingers are just like chipping away at the glass that he's cleaning. He's whittling the glass. I do wonder given all of this, what is it that makes a God a God? He kind of looks at his drink. Swirls it around consensus. What do you mean? I mean, power is power. Influence is influence. There's not like this is a God and this is not a God. This thing that's not a God could be as powerful as a God. This guy, he kind of gestures at Billy. Look at him. So drunk now.

So, so round, so small, so much cream, so much soup on his hands. Go on. This guy's a God. The power contained within this little guy compared to him. And he points at mirrors and points back at Billy. That's a God. And mirrors is like, what the fuck? What did I do? He pops up like, I'm a God. Well, it's just, you know, it's the stories about the influence. Yeah. It's not a switch. You flip. It's not a classification. We're not talking about horse breeds here.

So if I could convince everyone that I'm a powerful God, then I would be a God. A God is slightly, above a mirror, Billy. So therefore above the chef. That's true. That's true. I could be more powerful than a chef. Billy's like, I need to be alone. I have some things to think about. He takes his room key and waddles away up the stairs. Climbs back into the boat. Stands out there. I don't like this. I don't want to be a God. It's too scary out here. It's too cold.

He stands out there and then dumps all the marbles into the ocean. I don't need you anymore. I can have breakfast whenever I want. Oh, I love this. Getting rid of the marbles. Can you please get rid of the marbles? Yeah, I do. That's what I do. He drags his marbles outside. I'm free now. It's been a weird prison. It has been. It's the scene from Titanic when Rose drops the heart of the ocean into the ocean. Oh my gosh. Watch as it goes into the water. It disappears. Yeah. Makes that weird sound.

Yeah. I'm free. Fuck. We've done a lot of big revelations here. Oh, yeah. And now it comes time for Perel to ask a question. Oh. Yeah. Perel has been eating a big bowl of paella. He fell asleep for a while. He's been sitting in front of the fire. He's been sitting in front of the fire. He's been sitting in front of the fire. He's got his feet up. And he wakes up. And he looks over at Morris's diving suit and the cord that goes to the door that was very roughly cut with like a steak knife.

And then he sees the bright sky outside, the overcast gray of the clouds. And he goes, hey, where's the fanny pack? Oh, shit. We look to the door. And Morris, who's been like knocking on a nearby wall. The wall and listening goes. Wait. And looks at the open door and rushes towards it. And yeah, Tuck runs. And he's like, it's fine. It's fine. I can fix this. I got you. You close the door. I close the door and reopen it. It brought us here. And look what I can do now.

And Tuck takes the door, closes it. And he's like, no. Welcome back to the fanny pack. And he throws it open. And you open the door to a war. You see a field before you. You churned to thick, viscous mud under hundreds of feet. Hot mud. Hot mud. Shooting a giant popping out of the ground. In the distance, you see tents ablaze. You see people with spears on horseback rushing down a hillside. And you see great mechanical bodies thumping in the distance. Swarms of mechanics keeping them running.

Knights in heavy armor drowned in the mud puddles. Yeah. You see bodies all over, smashed into the mud. At the head of these forces, these mechanized armored forces, you see a large man, dark skin, burning red hair, holding aloft a black bladed sword. And that's where we're going to end it for this week. I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara. Joining me as always, playing Tacoma Dome, the barbarian, Abdulaziz. So long. Playing Ving, the half-elf druid, Paul Oppers. Take care.

Playing Fapily, the halfling thief, Jessica Tai. Bye, everyone. Thank you to Aaron Reed for our intro. And outro music. You can find all of Aaron's original music at aaronreed.bandcamp.com. You can find all of the music produced for the show at Spotify. And thank you to all of our Patreon supporters around the world. If you'd like to support the show, join us at patreon.com. Or spelllord.com. And thank you, finally, and most of all, to all of you for listening. We'll see you next time.

And so ends the tale of Adventures 3. Who tried their best? They can. Though dumb and scared and lost they be. For time's abreast in revelry. And though our journey may be like a conclusion. We will not leave you without a resolution. Return next week to hear some more. Whilst you commute. Or do your chores. And for you, I'd gladly spell Lord. Oh Oh Oh