Episode 6 – The Court of Emperor Morgulch

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes, noble and bold. A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old. You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring. So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing. Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight. Fingers have health, he shifts his shape and wields a spear with great might. Billy's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart.

Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts. So gather round friends, and listen close, for the tale's about to start. Last time on Spout Lore. Uh, have you guys heard of the Spout Lore? Have you guys been having troubles with Meyer frogs recently? Oh man, when haven't we been having troubles with Meyer frogs? We come on behalf of the lord of these swamps and the king of all frogs, Emperor Borgulch.

If Emperor Borgulch does not have audience, and his demands are not met, it will be war. I hear y'all are heading out into the swamp to talk to the frogmen. How? Word gets around. Let's be serious here. Meyer ain't necessarily the highest power in Mudlark. If you guys get that, uh, get that box, Muckraker be mighty, mighty pleased. And, uh, so you're standing in front of a particularly large pile of mud that's sort of like held up with sticks in a dome shape.

They stop you just before you get to the entrance, and they sort of grandiosely wave at the pile of mud. Welcome to the Palace of Reeds. They take you in. It's not the hugest place. It's like maybe 40 feet to the end. Mm-hmm. A ramshackle table running down the center of the room. There's like three or four bollywugs similar in size to the ones that you've seen so far. There's one that's wearing a really moth-eaten droopy robe and has like one nice ring on, drinking from a really beaten bowl.

But it's drinking like it's a fine wine, and it's just like, mmm. And then there's another one that's wearing like the top of a mop on its head, eating a bunch of worms. And it's like, ooh. It sort of like gestures to you. There's one that's just got a bunch of face paint on, painted eyebrows on the top of its head, a little like goatee, like fancy twirly mustache, and then like the bottom. And it's like leafing through a book that you see is totally blank. It's like, ooh.

And then at the end of the table is a bollywug that is easily three to four times bigger than anyone here. Oh, yeah. And it's like slumped in this wooden throne, and it has a crown on, but the crown just looks like a copper pot that's had like the bottom punched out of it. So it's like jagged and shiny, like kind of dirty a little bit, but still more lustrous than anything you've seen so far. And it's got a scepter in one hand.

And Billy, having stolen from people's houses many times, you see that this is just like a curtain rod that has like one of the bottom bits off, but it's still got this like kind of shiny ball on top. Mm-hmm. And it's like, you know that fancy like when you see a casual person in a throne when they have like one leg up over, and they're sort of like leaning back? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's this big, fat like frog. And they're like, oh, hello. Welcome to the Palace of Reeds.

I am Emperor Borgulch, lord of these swamps, the king of all frogs. What brings you here to my court? You're a fool. You asked us to come. Ah, I see. So it is diplomacy then. Large one, scraggly one, the supple boy. What can I do for you? And like Jabba the Hutt style, it like reaches into a bowl of like bugs and like dumps them in its big gaping mouth. Wow. I really don't have any shame. Shame is for peasants and serfs, not Emperor Borgulch. Right. We got a real emperor here. Yeah.

And you were wanting to keep an eye out. Yeah. Keeping the environment outside in mind. Yeah. You realize that the mound sort of goes up against a hill. Okay. So it's not just like a freestanding mound. It's like a little mound. Yeah. And you can see like behind Borgulch's throne, you can see a smaller hole that's like an entryway and you see just piled up stuff in this like little room behind his throne. Bet you that's where the box is. Can I ask for a house tour? A tour? Approach, young boy.

Approach, child. What do you ask of Emperor Borgulch? I'm very impressed by your palace wink. And I am curious to see more. Ah, yes. Many are gobsmacked by the opulence of the Palace of Reeds, ancestral seat of power of the House of Morgulch. It's hard to know what he's done talking. I understand how you could be in awe of my regality. So I would be more than happy to talk to you. I will take you on a tour of the palace. However, I am indisposed at the moment.

So my retinue will conduct the tour. And he sort of like claps like two of his big flipper hands. And he's like, Lord Grubwater, approach the throne. And the one with the painted on mustache and goatee like gets up. He's not, he's approached the throne. It's like two feet from where he is. So he kind of like steps forward. Yeah. And he bows. Says, I am Lord Grubwater. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello, Lord. I would be pleased to take you on a tour of the palace.

Well, while Billy's getting a tour, I'd really like to talk to all of your security personnel. I'd like to know about what their details are here. I've heard great things of your ability to protect yourself. When you say that, like his little like throat pouch starts to like swell up a little bit. He's like, he gets like a smug face and he is well known throughout the land. How, how well the frog people at frog people, he like kind of bristles a little bit. Sorry. Ball, Bollywogs.

He puffs up a little bit more. But I've heard tell of your security details and how you keep such a tight ship. Yes. My honor guard is spoken of throughout the land. Yes. I could. I could gather them for you. That'd be great. Picks up a little horn and he just goes, ah, like into the horn. He goes, come here. My honor guard. Is it okay if we meet outside? I want to see outside of the palace. Very well. Thank you. And you guys split off. You want to go talk to the.

Yeah, I'm going to go basically distract all the people who could catch them. Oh, gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. So we're going to have to be a role. Then we'll say defy danger charisma. Yep. But you'll get a plus one because you flattered more Gulch. So cool. Effectively by basically saying anything nice about him. You flattered him. Whoa. 11, 12. Damn, dude. Yeah. Good roll. Nice. So he, he like yells into his horn. He's like, honor guard assemble in the square.

And the one that is like, there's, there was one of them in the room. Yeah. And he like hops up and it's like, like walks out with you. And he's like, I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. And then he's like, Oh, a woman. Oh, a woman. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Be settled with these you see a morgul it's like watching you do like finger guns and stuff like that and he goes like to somebody at the table he does a finger guns to like the one with the mop on its head he does it to himself he's like he's very into it um and you say yeah you you leave and there are four uh bollywugs the two that led you in the one that was in the room and one that you didn't see until now and they're just standing in front of you at attention cool with their shitty broken spears I'm just gonna go ask them a bunch of questions while these guys are on a tour great yeah um so you walk away yeah with the honor guard yeah yeah now the tour I believe you're going on a tour small boy and large boy yes yes please take us show us your opulent treasures yes and your most favorite rooms yeah and show us all your stone boxes just sedimentary rock magma meg and we're we're uh we're like raising our eyebrows at each other while we're saying this so tacoma and billy you are being led around by lord grub water and by led around I mean he kind of waves his hand in the direction of the one room that you're in and he's like behold the court of morgulch the most powerful seat in the entire swamp and he kind of like turns to the side and points to morgulch's throne he says behold the throne of emperor morgulch most powerful seat well chair in all of the swamp and he like is casting his eyes around like trying to find something else to show you guys are there any rooms within the palace oh yes yes yes he like lights up and he's like right and he turns around and he's like facing the hole and he like walks a little bit and he's like the treasury of emperor morgulch gaze ye upon his treasures and bulk yes bulk again oh and you see like it's um it's a pile of garbage basically like it's just stuff that seems like it's been hauled up out of the mud maybe stolen from from carts you remember when you came to mudlark in the first place so there was like that big tree across the path that seemed to have been tipped over so you see like a wagon wheel and like piles of old uh crappy weapons that have not been taken care of uh do you guys want to roll discern realities yes which are uh billy are you on the lookout being the acquisition specialist so 2d6 is going to be the first one to take care of you guys so plus wisdom?

Eight. Eight, cool. So you get one question from the list. Yeah, it's just on the basic. Just on the basic. Well, you're also strong. I'm just talking to the guards. Oh, you're also strong. Cut to. So, no pants on anyone. No, they restrict movement in combat. Oh, and do you have a style of combat? Is there a martial art? Yes, it is known as the swamp spear. I've heard tell. We will demonstrate. Yeah, thank you.

And they make a couple frog noises, and they kind of spread out a little bit, and one of them makes a frog noise, and they just stab forward, and then they pull it back, and they stab forward, and they pull it back, and they stab forward, and they pull it back, and then they all stand back up, and they bow. Man, I would not want to be on the stabbing end of that. And they all go like, they swell up a little bit in their throat areas. Like, how? Wow. All right, we'll cut back.

Cut back to Billy's hook. So, we want to know what here is useful or valuable to me amongst… Perfect. That is the perfect question. Yes. Do get one, because you got a seven to nine, so you get one question. So, through like a pile of chairs, just like broken chairs, you see sitting in the crook of one of the broken chairs is a stone box. Huzzah. It's about a foot wide by like half a foot deep with just like a stone lid, and it's covered in carved symbols that are carved into the wood.

Or the stone, rather. And it's right there. It's like I don't know, like six feet away from you, but Grubwater is right there. Looking right at you. What do you do? I don't think there's… I'm talking to only Billy now. I don't think there's any point in just stealing it right now. No, I think we have to come back to this. I could distract him, and you could take a look inside. Could you ask to maybe investigate another area? Yeah, I think that's a good idea. Okay, okay. Lord Gulpwater.

Grubwater. My apologies. It's nothing. Is there a washroom I could use? He like looks around just everywhere, and he's just kind of like gestures generally to the room. Oh. He's like very confused by the question. Okay. Well, Grubwater, the mayor is pee shy. This is the mayor? Yes. He says, Emperor Borghulch, the mayor. This is the mayor. He like hustles. Nobody said that. Nobody said that was the mayor. You just said we're here to see Emperor Borghulch. I said we, you asked You asked us here.

You asked us to come. He asks a lot of people to come. Nobody does. Oh, wow. Wait, so you didn't know why we're here the whole time? He said, I would, diplomacy. Diplomacy. Diplomatic. Please, mayor. Why did you want the mayor to come? Well, if you would take a seat, we may begin. Wait, the mayor still needs to pee. I really need to pee. Perhaps we could delay the meeting? Yes, of course. We will delay while you relieve yourself.

But until then, we will assign a guard to each of you for your safety. And he like yells into his horn. He says, come back. Fuck. Oh, yeah. Some of the Bollywood guards walk back in. You hear them like you hear the horn from outside. You hear him yell into the horn. Yeah. And they like kind of get all jittery and they run back in to the thing. Yeah. So you come with and one is assigned to you. One Tacoma. One is assigned to Billy. One is assigned to Ving. Okay, cool. What's your name?

Big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big. Wow. Okay. So I'm going to be like, okay, my name's Fat Billy. What's your name? It's Flop. I don't know. Flop. What's my guy's name? Dirt. Dirt. Dirt. Flop and big, big, big. Well, it's nice to meet you, Flop. I have to go to the bathroom. Very well. And he like walks with you. He's like right behind you. Just be near the box. I walk by the box. I'm like, do you mind if I have a little bit of privacy? You can just. You're in the treasury? Yeah.

He's just everywhere. Yeah. That's true. So he like he like just is looking at you. Could you just turn around? You don't have to leave. I just don't want you to see. He like looks around to see if anybody's watching. I have a lot of body issues. Well, just one, but it's huge. Huge. Huge. I feel like this is good. He like I don't think he's going to turn around. OK, so this isn't our chance. Like unless you want to make a roll again, but you've already like he's not going to.

OK, I'll turn around. And so I face the box. And. Well, I mean, they haven't said don't touch it. What if you're just like, oh, well, you're being like, just look in it. What's in this box? You're going to pee. You're going to look in the box. Look, I'm going to be like, I'm just going to go in here to pee. OK, that's going to be like defy danger dexterity. Probably I'll make sure they don't see you fucking around with stuff. All right. Nine, nine, 11. OK, so that's a lot.

You start peeing near or on the box and you like reach out. The lid does not move. OK, so Tacoma, what are you what are you doing? And I was just like, having. Small talk with my guy. Oh, yeah. With big, big, big. Yeah. It's like, oh, you only 800 kids. That's crazy. Yeah. You know, I. I just love children. Well, but it's hard because they they're so small and they have tails. Yeah. And then eventually they grow up and they don't have tails anymore.

But then they just don't want to spend any time with you. Yeah. It's like a problem. All fathers have. It's hard. You know, our 900th just just left for. I don't know. I think they might have been eaten. Oh, geez. How many of your kids get killed? Oh, like 90 percent. Wow. I mean, it makes sense. You have like 800 then. Yeah. It actually still it's not so bad. Yes. You know, if 90 percent of 800 still have some kids to work the mud fields. Yeah. So like 100 kids, then it's pretty good.

It's a lot of mouths. It is a lot of mouths. Yeah. Yeah. What's your favorite? Which one's your favorite? Oh, probably. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. It's probably probably Gorb. Yeah. What does he do? Oh, Gorb is my daughter. Oh, shit. It's a morgan. It's a morgan. It's a morgan. It's a morgan. It's a morgan. It's a morgan. It's a morgan. It's a morgan. It's a morgan. It's a morgan. It's a morgan. It's a morgan. It's a morgan.

It's a morgan.

Gulch can clap his he claps his little flipper hands and he says let us begin our deliberations approach mayor I waddle up but like very nervous yeah and Ving and I walk up on either side of uh Billy pretending to be his guard yeah Billy is like one quarter the size of both of you oh you've got your hand up to your ear I'm whispering into my wrist yeah and I'm whispering into my axe because I don't know what he's doing you should call me Al so uh Morgulch like looks down at you and the guard and he like rubs his like bulk he like runs a hand along like his big belly says you are quite small for a head of state yes I am very small hardly hardly I just think he's gonna eat me talking and he like yeah he like runs a tongue like along his mouth and he's like anyways uh small or not I am large and I have called you here for one particular reason it is time for the people to leave and for the bollywogs to take their rightful place as lords of the mud fields so I will take this and your as agreement and expect you to be gone by the end of tomorrow that's pretty quick isn't there usually like a month of notice isn't it standard to take a month to leave a mud swamp yeah most mud swamp tenancy agreements I've seen there are no agreements in the swamp there is simply the rule of Morgulch there's a lot of people and there's some infrastructure there it takes us about a day to get here there's a lot going on a lot of work to be done a lot going on a lot of work to be done going on?

And I'm pretty small. And I move really slowly. So, really, it could take several days. It's not a no. No. I think… Can we ask what prompted this decision? He just looks off into the middle distance. As lord of these swamps, it is my place to rule unimpeded. Has there been a conflict with the people of Mudlark? He, like, looks into the middle distance again. As lord of these swamps, it is my place to rule unimpeded. Something's going on here. I say that just to them.

He's saying it out loud, but quietly, like, something's going on. A corn in my mouth. Emperor Morgulch, would you mind giving us five minutes of private conversation? Four minutes. I'll take it. Morgulch decrees four minutes. That is very generous. Cool. You are very generous. You're as generous as you are large. He puffs up a little bit in his throat sack. We just got a little more generous. He leans back. Okay. I mean, who cares? These Bollywogs are not going to be able to take over the town.

We don't care about this town. I mean, I don't want to see anybody get hurt, but… But they might be hurt. Tuck and I were thinking that something else is at play here. Oh. Because this is just a weird situation. Yeah, it's like that one frog was reading a book that was totally empty. The banners don't have anything on them. These guys, they seem like background actors. Yeah. They all just seem like background actors, you know what I mean?

They seem like the kid in high school that would just play a bush in your local production. Kids playing a bush? They're all bushes, and it's like, but what else is missing? They're trying to hide something. Spell it lower if you want. To remember anything about Bullywugs. So that's an intelligence roll. 2d6 plus intelligence. Who is the highest? I have no intelligence. I have a negative one. Are we a dumb group? Yeah. Okay. I'm sorry. You can roll that again. Well, it is a four. On the ground?

Yeah. So that's a nine plus your intelligence? Which is nine. Nine? Okay. How does… Oh, so something that you know, that you remember, hearing about Bullywugs? They… Wait, I thought it was discern realities. Oh, I said spell it lower if you wanted to roll a spell lower about Bullywugs. Oh, no, I want to discern realities and ask a question. So that's plus your wisdom, actually, not your intelligence. Oh, is it? Oh, perf. Then ten. Ten? Okay, great. So you get three questions. Okay. Oh, sick.

Okay. Well, we're definitely… Who's really in control here? Who's really in control here? Hmm. Hmm. I love that this game just lets you ask that question. Like, okay, so… But so you know what's going on. I do. Yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. So how would Billy know this? Oh, you have to come up with a mechanism for it. Yeah, basically, I have to figure out what you're looking at that makes it so you figure out kind of what's up. Like, what's in that distance?

It's definitely not more Gulch. Maybe a ghost tells us. So what… What? Uh, basically, so, yeah, you notice that… Every once in a while, more Gulch will, like, kind of shift in a way that makes it seem like he's uncomfortable and he'll move forward like he's hearing something, like he's looking for something and he's anxious about it. So he… And he looks in the direction of the treasury a bunch. Like he's uncomfortable like hell. Like he's nervous? Anxious. Like, it's like…

Like he knows that somebody… You know, like when you are trying to do something and you know that someone's going to be mad at you later and you're waiting for them to show up. Uh-huh. Okay. Yeah. Uh… It's like that sort of vibe. Uh-huh. So, okay. So the other thing is… So what here is not what it appears to be. Okay. So the… The shitty ring that…

The one with the shitty robes, the Bullywug at the table with the robes, that, you, like, look, being an accomplished thief at nine or ten years old, having stolen stuff before, that's a really nice ring. And it's, like, really valuable. You know that. Well, actually, so, yeah, they have… But it's, like, on just, like, the first, like, knuckle of his hand because they're webbed. So it can only go down so far. So it's, like, not super on really, like, firmly. But he is…

That Bullywug is wearing a very valuable ring. Okay. So what happened here recently? All this stuff looks like it hasn't had time to settle with the exception of, like, the… The piles of crap that are in the treasury, which look like they've maybe had for a… They've had those things for a long time. There's a lot of marks on, like, the table and on the… On the walls of the mud hut and stuff like that that make it look like this has been constructed within the last couple days.

The crown that Morgulch is wearing, it's, like, a pot that's had the bottom banged out. It looks like it's only shiny because it hasn't had time to get dirty yet. Damn. It's a trap. Or they wanted to get us out of town. It's a pantomime. Yeah, definitely. Like, so they created these fake villains to create a conflict. The townspeople? Yeah, and I think the… Maybe, like, the box is mind-controlling them, or, like, it's something. Yeah, and then… What is your answer? Your time is up.

Will you vacate the land of Morgulch? Should we just try and steal that ring off that guy's hand? You mean, if we get that ring? We could try to barter with Morgulch. For time? Well, because he wants our whole town, so I'm like, we might need something in return. Okay, that's it. That is a parlay, my friend. Oh, okay. So, yeah, so you want… You're gonna have to offer something to Morgulch for something that he wants. So what are you trying to convince him of? Well… Give us that box?

Give us that box. And they'll get the town? Well, and we'll start the process back at the town. It's not just us. Well, yeah, if we… Because we get a day, right? So if we ask for the box, get back to the town, then we can kind of try and figure it out before their army shows up. So one of you guys should ask this and also maybe mention that the mayor is not the highest up. We have to… I am more of, like, working on behalf of… Of a higher order. Like the order of cooks? What was it?

Very skilled chefs. I stand by that, by the way. Chefs are very popular. Okay, everybody gotta eat. Alright, you're making the plea. Oh, so what are you saying? Great Emperor Morgulch. He swallows up a little bit. Uh, your large size and impressive tone has convinced us that the best course of action is to acquiesce I have a word of the day calendar. To your requests and to give you the town. Very well. But we have one request. Proceed. The stone chest covered in pee in your treasury.

And symbols. And symbols. Pee and symbols. The piss and symbols chest. You must give it to us. He puffs up, but in a threatening way. Some skin around there starts to redden a little bit. And he, like, he, like, puts one little flippery foot on the ground and the other and he, like, stands up. And he's big. Yeah. He is, like, over seven feet tall. Yeah, this dude looks like a fucking tetherball player. He reminds me. You will vacate the town. The chest remains with us. Okay.

And he's, like, getting he's, like, getting really angry. What do you do? I was just gonna flex everything to make myself puff up and then make my face really red by forcing all the blood into it. Uh-huh. And then see how he responds to that. Uh, what is that gonna… How… What do you… Is that a matching threat move? I'm just wondering, because I know that, like, that could be a defy danger charisma to try and intimidate him. I think… I don't know if…

I think it's maybe a defy danger charisma. Or it could be if you want to make this, like, a thing. Like, you want to, like… You want stuff to start popping off. You do have a move called What Are You Waiting For? Oh, no, I don't. I don't want him to attack me. You don't want to fight him? I want to… I want to be, like… In a kind of a humble way? Yeah. Yeah. No, I just… It's just, like, is this… Is this frog psychology? I mean, yeah. Like, do I have to puff up, too?

All right, defy danger charisma. Okay. Oh, God. Shit! Oh, boy. Why do I keep rolling threes? Okay, um… So you flex all your muscles, and you, like, make all the blood rush to your head to, like, redden up. And I just go… Um… Um… And while you're doing that, he steps forward, and he, like, swings his fist. And he just… He just lays into you. What the fuck? Like, pow! Right in the face. I told you! Roll a d10. Damn. Seven. Minus your one, because you have armor. And you take six damage.

Ooh. Dude. That's cool. I'm fine. And he says, Lee! We will return at the end of day to claim our land. When… This is terrible diplomacy. Could I have snuck away? You definitely could. In the kerfuffle? So that's, uh, a tricks of the trade. I'm doing it. Billy has a… As of the thief, Billy has a move called tricks of the trade, which is whenever he does thiefy stuff, like sneaking around and stealing stuff. So, yeah, 2d6 plus dexterity.

There's a lot of material for the mayor's speech at noon. Billy's like, I, as interim mayor, I regret to inform you the town is no longer ours. The town belongs to big frogs now. Not only am I canceling the hot dog festival. So, sorry, what? I got only five. You got five? So, uh, mark a point of experience. Thank you. Also, Abdul, did you mark a point of experience for failing? I think so. I'll do one more, just because I failed so hard.

Billy, you start to, like, as Morgulch, like, steps forward and just lays into Tacoma, you're like, perfect opportunity. Perfect opportunity. And you start creeping away and, um, Flop sees you. And he points and he says, thief! Whoa, I just had to go to the bathroom. Oh, man. And he's, like, trying to, like, haul you towards, uh, the throne and stuff like that. Ving, stuff's starting to pop off. It's getting really bad. Yeah, I'm gonna go get the hands off of Billy. Okay. Instinctually.

Okay, so you just rush right to him? Yeah, and just say, put him down. Tell him to put him down. Okay, uh, charisma? Defy danger charisma? Six, seven. He throws Billy out. He throws Billy out. He throws Billy out. He throws Billy to the ground. Okay. And he, uh, starts kind of shaking his spear in your face. Take that spear out of my face right goddamn now. I guess that's another defy danger charisma? Whoa. Eleven. Twelve.

Okay, so you just, like, yeah, you, like, slap it out of his, slap it out of your face. Your little Arctic chargills, like, flare in a really gross way. Yep. And he just, like, backs off. Yeah. If I had eyebrows, he would know how. Yeah, but once those grow back, you'll come back and you'll be like, this is what I was trying to do. This is what I was trying to do. Um, yeah, so, Billy, you've been thrown into the mud, but Flop is backing off. Can't believe they treated the mayor in this way.

You have greatly offended me. Uh, um, great. So, Tacoma, you're in the mud. Oh, okay. I'm, I'm, my eyes are watering, but I'm not crying. I want you guys to know I'm not crying. I just got mud in my eyes. And Morgulch is like, leave now. Leave my palace. Leave. Fuck you, man. What? Oh. He's gonna try and hit you again. I'll fucking fight this dude. You're gonna fight him? Yeah, I don't give a shit. Okay, roll a hack and slash, I guess. Okay. Three plus five plus two is ten.

Yeah, that is a ten, so you do your damage. So I, uh, am still crying. And I feel very embarrassed, but it's really motivating me to fuck this guy up. Yeah. Uh, so I pull my axe off of my back. And I'm like, hey, bitch, you made a big mistake. Because I'm gonna shove this right up your ass. And then I flip it once. Uh-huh. And then catch it. And then I make like I'm gonna flip it again. But then I just swing up and catch him on the bottom of the chin with the axe. Dope.

And split his head in half. Well, no. No, I'm doing this. Because I have the forceful and, forceful and forceful. And messy thing. Muscle bound or whatever. Forceful and messy. So you're not just gonna kill him, but you, um, you kind of like swing it up and hit him right in the face. And it splits his little bag part. His little like throaty bag thing. Oh, Jesus. And he makes like a like a big like echoing sort of like Billy get the box. Everybody starts freaking out. I'm running for the box.

All right. Billy, go for the box. Big. I'm going. Formation. Billy, defy danger dexterity just so we can see if he gets to the box easily. Oh, fuck. Five. Five. Oh, fuck. Um, so you, um, start running for the box and flop like takes his spear and just like jabs the butt at you. Roll a D4. I can't believe this. Is that fair? Mm-hmm. Oh. One. One, yeah. So he just like bops you on the side of the head, but he's able to like get in front of you so you can't get to the box. I go for the box.

We can't leave without getting the box. Uh, so you're gonna go for the box? All right. I think we should try and get that box. If things are popping off, we need to get that box. Yeah, totally. We need to get that box. Get the fuck out of here. Okay. Five plus oh, zero, five. Also five. So both of you are supposed to mark down a point of experience. Uh, a lot of failure this, which is good because it's experience points. Mm-hmm. So that's nice.

Um, so as you move for the box, flop, he's like on it. He's like standing in front of the door. You're not getting through that door as long as flop's alive. Dang. Son. So roll a D4. Two. Two, yeah. So I think you have an armor. So one damage and he jabs and like kind of cuts you on the arm. Motherfucker. Yeah, he's not moving. Uh, and Emperor Morgul starts picking himself up and he's moving towards Tacoma. Mm-hmm. Yeah. All right. What do you do if I kill the king? Fuck it. I'm gonna go for it.

Is it cool with you guys if I do this? All right. Okay. All right. I'm gonna like while he's in his weakened state, I'm gonna do some fucking damage to this bitch. Ooh. Eleven plus 13. Dang. Dang. Okay. So roll your damage. D10. Uh, seven. Seven. Okay. Um, oh, yeah. Okay. So how many hit points does this guy have? Because I feel like that's not something that I'll tell you probably ever, but what I will say is that describe how you kill Emperor Morgulch. Yeah. Fuck this guy. Oh, no.

Uh, he's like lumbering towards you. So I, uh, I put my axe down as if, as if I'm gonna like give up because I'm scared of him. And then just full rage out on this dude. I just push my hand up into his cut, uh, into the cut in his sack. And then I just grab whatever I feel up there. And then I just like rip it out. And then it turns out it's his brain and eyeballs. And then I go, Hey, sorry, but we're having frogs a la carte.

And then I go, Hey, and then everyone pauses for a second to try and figure out what that means. Yeah. It's like he did a one liner and it was incomprehensible. But you just, yeah, you just yank out all the meaty bits inside and his big old frog body, uh, like kind of makes one more grown as it deflates. And, uh, he just thumps over on the ground dead. And now I turn around and I look at the assembling frogs. I'm like, I have killed your king. Now, Neil, uh, boy, oh boy.

So flop sees that happen. Uh, what was the other guy's name? Big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, dirt, dirt. And the other two, uh, the two Lord frogs that were there, they all just throw down their stuff and they run. Guys, we should stop those guys. We should get the box. Yeah, get the box. I'm getting the box. You get the box. I'll try again. You don't have anything. No, you don't have to make a roll because there's nobody trying to stop you. I'm going to get the box.

Okay, Billy, you grab the box. It's like a big loaf of bread in your arms. Yeah, got it. They're running away. They're running away. Yeah, I don't know if we can just try and get the hell out of the back of this Reed Palace. No, I think we're, because we own it now. Oh, yeah. You're just kind of the emperor. We should probably get out of here. Do you, I, guys, I just became emperor. I don't know if I can get in this position. Well, you said Neil and they all ran. It's, it's really cool.

You could be emperor of, of mud, lark, or of mud town. Whatever. There's a lot of problems with this organization. Let's get out of here. Okay, so you run through the, through the exit of the palace. No. While you're staying? No, I run through the side of the palace. I pick up a table and I throw it through the wall. All right. I mean, we didn't need to, but fuck this place. I hate it so much. That's not really something.

It's a mud wall and you're a big dude and you have forceful on everything that you do. So there's a hole in the wall and you're out through it. Yeah. And then as, and you're sort of like, you guys can say some stuff. What? You're sort of on the outside edge now of the little encampment and it is pandemonium. People are freaking out while Bullywugs are freaking out. They're fighting each other. They're knocking stuff over.

There's like, there are a lot of Bullywugs in the, in the swamp and they're all freaking out. Can someone pick me up? Yeah, I'll pick you up. I'm scared. Thank you. Let's get out of here. Can I turn into something? Can you turn into some giant eagle? Yeah, exactly. You can turn into an eagle. You can turn into something that they could ride. Yeah, like a big, like a buffalo. Like an elk or something like that? Oh, an elk is even better. Wow. Go ahead and roll your 2d6 plus wisdom. 12. 12.

Okay, yeah, that is, you get three hold and you turn into a big, majestic, huge rat. Like a, cool, yeah, so you're a big old elk. Tacoma, Billy, do you get on? Yeah, I have to adjust something. I'm just going to grasp onto Ving's neck and just not look at Tuck. Great, so, and you're just, off into the swamp. Yeah, yeah, we're getting out of here. So you're, yeah, thumping through, so you have three hold.

I'm going to say that you can spend a hold to like get moving through the swamp without having to make a bunch of defied angel rolls. Okay. But as you're like, riding through the swamp, you hear loud, frenzied croaking and you see Bullywugs, like, four of them with spears and they're like, hopping like mad and they're coming after you. Oh, damn. And they've got them like, cocked to throw. One of them just like, hurls a spear at you. What do you do? Um, just, duck.

Yeah, I'm just going to stop and take a duck to the, to the fight. Uh, do you want to spend a hold or do you want to defy danger dexterity? No, I'll spend a hold. Okay, cool. So you spend a hold. I have three holds. Yeah, and you, and you kind of like, zigzag into the trees and the spear, the spear sails past you and they also kind of like, turn and they're still coming at you through the trees. We can defend from the back of this thing. Yeah. You have daggers. I have daggers.

I'm throwing daggers. All right, yeah, make a volley. Since you spent a hold, we'll say that you're stable enough that Billy, right now, you don't have to make a defy danger to make sure that you can throw from the back. Okay. So you can roll your 2d6 plus dexterity for volley, which is your distance move. It's on the basic move sheet. Okay, um, then. So what's seven to nine for volley? I can choose one of these. So I have to move to get the shot placing me in danger um, of your choice. Mm-hmm.

Um, or I have to take what I can get and I have to take several shots reducing my ammo by one. Yeah, so if you have to take several shots, that means like you only have a few knives so you'd be throwing two instead of one. Okay. And uh, it's actually, so with a take what you can get means you roll your damage but then you roll another d6 and you subtract that. Oh. Yeah, so you choose one of those. I'll take what I can get. Okay, yeah, so roll your damage which is d8, I guess. So two.

Two, and then roll a d6. Five. So yeah, you don't, like you throw one, you throw one at the closest bollywog and it's sort of like the handle hits it on like the back area and it just spins off into the swamp and they keep coming. I slow down so that they get a little close. Yeah. And then I stop with one of my hoof out. Oh, with the hoof out? And hoof him right in the mouth and hopefully cave his frog face in.

Okay, we'll say that's a hack and slash so d6 plus shank unless you want to spend a hold. You only have one left. And then once you spend that hold you will be a person again. No, no, I need to eight. Eight? Cool. So you, yeah, roll your damage. This one? Yep. Three. Three. So yeah, so you kick one right in the face and you don't kill it. Yeah. But it's like, and it's like kind of stumbling to get up. But when you stop to kick, you kick the one without the spear.

But then one with a spear comes and kind of stabs up. Roll a d4. Four. So minus your one armor, that's three damage as it kind of like rakes along your thigh area. Damn. You should use your horns next time. And they're coming up. The other two are like on your tail. I have one throwing dagger left. I could try. All right. Yeah. Okay. You can make a volley. Yes. Okay. Nine. Ten. There you go. So yeah, just roll your d8. Eight. Okay, three. Three. Yeah.

So you throw one and it kind of gets it in the side. And again, it's like, you are daggerless, but you stop it from, um, charging. You can just hustle. You can just haul ass. Oh yeah. Should we just haul ass? Uh, it might be a defied injured dexterity to get out of there before they can do anything. Should we spend the hold or should we do? Cause we can get out. He'll be at a hold and he'll turn back into a person. And they can hop. Yeah. But then we would be away from the frogs.

No, we wouldn't. Cause they would catch up on us. Cause we're so. They're fast. When they hop, they're super fast. Okay. So you can just make a defied injured dexterity to get out of there. Yeah. Okay. There's still that guy who's like got a spear in my leg though. He just cut you. It's not in your leg. You'd have to get out. I can do something from the back of the thing. Yeah. Before you leave, you could probably reach down. I take a swipe with my axe.

Uh, not hard enough to knock myself off balance. Yeah, totally. We'll see. Uh, six, seven, eight, nine, 10. Yeah, there you go. So deal your damage. D10. Two. Yeah, you just like, what do you, you just swing down and cut them? Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You do have messy, I cut off his spear arm. Okay. Yeah. You cut off, you swing down, cut one of his arms off and he kind of makes that weird croak, alarm croak. His spear is like clutched in the hand, but his hand is on the ground. Yeah.

And then I go, uh, arms to meet you. And then you're, you're, you leave. As everyone's thinking about that, that Tuck just said. Yeah. Why don't you just say, what a weak handshake. Oh, that would have been good. I want to be better at this, but in the moment, I'm not good at thinking of things. So, so Ving just failed the defy danger to like get out of here with the one other that's coming up. And it like, it like run, it, it hops up really fast behind you to catch up. Wait, what did he get?

Six. Can I help? Yeah. Yeah. All right. Yeah. Roll your, uh, yeah, you can help after the fact. So, so it like runs up and it tenses up its legs and it, and it just like hops right over you guys. And it's trying to like land in front and be able to stop you. So you want to roll your four plus your bonds with, uh, oh, that'd be a two, six. Shit. So markup point of experience. And, uh, it comes down with its spear like right in your chest. Wait, it kills me? No, no, no, no. It doesn't kill you.

It's not, you're not just going to die. Roll a D4. It does damage. The spear in the chest sounds like dead. He's a tough guy. Three. Minus your one. So it's only two damage. So it kind of like gets you on your, like on your muscly pick. Okay. Just like slices you, but it doesn't go through your sternum or anything like that. Okay. And now it's like on you and it's like in your face. Um, could I shove a dagger? Cause I think I'm facing the back of it. Can I dagger it in the back?

Um, you also have a sneak attack move because it is occupied being on top of Tacoma. Backstab. Backstab. Yes. So it's a 2d6 plus dexterity. Wow. 10. I'm going to run at it somehow. You're small. I'm just going to like lob my body. Yeah. And then like from under, I'm going to stab him in the back, but he's going to lurch forward like, and then be hooked onto his, uh, huge rack, huge rack, Ving's enormous rack.

And then what happens after it's on your, and then I, uh, uh, yeah, ram him into a tree, bend them around a tree. Yeah. He's it's dead. It's for sure. Dead squish. And the other ones are injured. Okay. So they're not going to be able to catch up quite as well. That's a good way.

And you're, uh, after a while, since you're hauling ass, you're yeah, you're, you see the edge of the swamp and you kind of burst through into the beautiful, true revel, relatively treeless, muddy fields surrounding mudlark. And you see the town in the distance. That's the end of the session for today. Thanks for joining us. This has been pen and paper. I am your host, Sean O'Hara. And thank you for joining me, Paul P and symbols of dual. There's always a kid. That's like a tank array.

It's like, take her. He doesn't have any lines, Jessica. It's a lot going on and I'm pretty small and producer Wes. Thanks, Wes. Yeah. So we played to recap. We've been playing a Dungeon World, a game by Adam, cobalt and sage Latoura hack of a game called apocalypse. And I'm pretty small. I'm pretty small. I'm pretty small. I'm pretty small. I'm pretty small. I'm pretty small. It's a hack of a game called apocalypse world by D. Vincent Baker.

Who's also made a bunch of cool games like dogs in the vineyard, which is a game about wild West fantasy Mormons. Than that makes it sound. So yeah, check those games out. And yeah, thanks for joining us. See you next time. Hmm? Oh, dang it. I always forget. And thanks to Hecklers for letting us use the upstairs lounge to record in. Without this room, we'd be recording in a dumpster.

And so ends the tale of Adventures 3 Who tried the best they could Though dumb and scared and lost they'd be For times abreast in revelry And though our journey may be like a conclusion We will not leave you without a resolution Return next week to hear some more Whilst you commute or do your chores And for you I'd gladly spell no All right, we're going to go hang out in the dumpster. Thanks for joining us, everybody. Thanks for joining us. Thanks for joining us.