Episode 7 – Hair of the Dog

For more of the gooey goodness that you love from Spout Lore, come on down to speltlore.com slash money please where we'll redirect you to the Patreon and then donate there for the more of the thing that you like. Did you say gooey? Yeah. That's not bad. That breath was worse than anything else you said actually. Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes. Noble and bold. A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old. You know them by name, you know them by deed.

Their quests are famously daring. So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing. Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight. Fingers half-elf, he shifts his shape and wields a spear with great might. Billy's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart. Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts. So gather round friends and listen close, for the tale's about to start.

Hello everybody and welcome to Spout Lore. I'm your game master Sean O'Hara. Joining me as always playing Ving the half-elf druid Paul Oppers. Hello there. Playing Tacoma Dome the barbarian Abdul Aziz. Hello everybody. And playing Fat Billy the halfling. Hello everybody. Hi everyone. Hi everyone. When last we left our heroes, they were investigating an upstart group called the Daydreamers at the behest of Jake the Jackal.

After running into old friend and ne'er-do-well Colonel Dan Fossey, finding out that he's been in town up to his old tricks, they decided, you know what Dan, nevermind. Good to see you, bye bye. And then they made their own plan to infiltrate the Daydreamers, a group of spiritually connected criminals. Criminal types. Mm-hmm. And upon infiltrating as a televangelist and their spirit guide companion and their dumb barbarian butler. Yeah, Frankenstein type character. Yeah. Lurch. Exactly.

They met a Daydreamer brother, Dubert, who introduced them to Pell Guaranteed Corbin, the leader of the Daydreamers and a dwarf very spiritually unwell. After some perception shifting and ghost root smoke imbibing, Billy was able to determine that where Corbin thought he was being punished for a connection with a vengeful spirit, he was actually in the process of being possessed by the demon of ambition.

And they were able to cast that demon out with a combination of quick thinking and tea steeping, marijuana and tea steeping. Yeah, it was basically just like we just kind of prescribed him. We basically pretty much shutting down their operations, thankfully for good, completing their quest in a roundabout way, but still completing it. And that is where we find our party now at the stray dog pub, which we open on now. Yes.

The stray dog is a little bit quieter than it was when you were here earlier, but still a good number of folks. And you see Perel in the corner hunched over a table with a few other jackals. Yes. Yelling. What? And they're holding their hands up in the air and they're yelling and then they go back down and they are really quiet. It's really tense. And they go. Are they playing a game? What are they playing? It seems like they're playing some kind of game. I would like to look at what game it is.

Uh-huh. Totally. Can I discern realities? Yeah. Discern realities? I got a six. Tuck is blind. He went blind from jerking off too much. Can we aid? Yeah, absolutely. Nice. 2d6 plus bond. Oh, pretty good. Whoa. 12. Holy shit. Yeah. I ate him so well. I'm like, just open your eyes. Talk. You're not blind. That does work pretty good. Billy crawls up on my shoulders and then he does this in my eyes of his eyelids. He's like, look better.

And then Tuck realizes he was looking at one table to the right where another scrawny guy in a big fake mustache is reading a book. And you're like, that's not Perel. Oh, wow. So. You guys tell me what game of chance they're playing. Ooh. I don't know. There's like a little spinning thing. Oh, like a top? Yeah. Like a dreidel. Uh-huh. Oh, I bet there's like little stones inside or marbles or something. And you want to like hit it in like cups.

Oh, so it's like there's a bunch of cups on the table and you spin the dreidel? Yeah. To get the ball to hit these like certain cups. Ooh. You get it in the goal. You're like, fuck yeah. So the marble's inside the dreidel. You spin it. And then the marble flies out into a hole. Into a hole? Or into a cup? Yeah. Oh, okay. I was just trying to think of like beer pong. Oh, it's like a beer pong kind of thing. Yeah. That's great. And they're all getting like plastered. Yeah.

Because every time somebody knocks a marble into, like a marble flies out into a cup, they down that cup and everybody else cheers and they go, ah, man. Oh, the cup is full of alcohol. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And Perel is losing. It would look like. He looks sick. Like he's got his head on his hand. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And he's like, oh, hey, it's my friends. I'm done. I quit. And he grabs a bunch of coins off the table. And he's like, this is fine because I'm not playing anymore.

And he gets up and he wanders over to you guys. He knocks into a table. A guy spills his nachos. And he's like, I'm so sorry. And then he walks up to you. How did it go? It was, I don't know, weird, dude. Yeah. It was weird. Weird. Weird afternoon. They stopped making the drugs. And seemed like they were packing up when we left. Great. That sounds like a thumbs up weird. We've had a lot of thumbs down weirds before. It was kind of in the middle because it might, there might be a bigger problem.

Oh. And that problem is I lost your hat. I'm he's sober instantly. I'm sorry. You lost what? It wasn't my fault. There's a big gust of wind in the hat shot away. It almost took Billy with it. Yeah. It was all we could do to save him. Can we do a flashback to this thing happening? The hat happening. So. So it was when the coin shattered and created that vacuum out the chimney and the hat also went and I was like, it's gone. It was so tight on your head that you were sucked up with it.

You were like the hat. You were above the hat and the hat was blocking the chimney. Keep it on Billy. The hat just, you see it float through the night air over the neighborhood, land on the street corner. Who knows? A dog picks it up and runs away. A dog picks it up. Puts it on its own. Puts on a fake mustache. Okay. Perel. It's with nature now. Okay. I'm willing to forgive you, but only because I just won a ton of money. What's that game called? They kept calling it scribbles.

I don't know if that's the official name or just what they call it here, but scribbles. Anyways, do you have business? Can we go? We have to talk to Jake. Okay. Yeah. I'll come with. Yeah. He follows you down. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like one of those big spools that they put like huge ropes around. Yeah. But it's empty and he's using it as a dinner table. Yeah. And he's eating like a piece of meat. Nice. Really nice.

Like it's like an old, it's like an old mobster. Like he puts the meat in his mouth and he sees you and he's like, my friends come join me at my table. Why are you doing a dwarf accent? I wasn't doing an accent. I had meat in my mouth. Come sit down. And he snaps and some people bring you some food. Why don't you hang out upstairs? It seems more fun upstairs. Yeah. It's, you know, it's an image thing. Like I can't really be, I want an air of mystery between me and the rank and file.

It is way more fun up there, but you know, I'm the boss. So I got to stay down here, man. Lonely. Anyways, how was, uh, how'd it go? Everything good. I assume that everything went well. I mean, it went, I don't know how well it went, but it looks like they're clearing out of the area. Great. That's exactly what I wanted. Yeah. Yeah. There's, uh, the situation's a bit more weird and fucked up than you originally thought, though. I think. Oh, all right. Cause you elaborate.

You're being kind of vague. What do you know of demons? I'm familiar with the concept. Well, the thing mostly that was bothering the leader of the daydreamers was that a demon was trying to possess him. So we had to get rid of that. It might be a good idea to just like, I don't know, keep an eye out for like some demons. Uh, uh, possession, weird things. Yeah. It might be happening like a lot more now that the torch is kind of out of commission. So if you can like, I don't know. Oh, saffron.

Have you? Yes. Have saffron on hand. You need a bunch of saffron. Do you have a, Oh, I just need a bunch of saffron. That's all. That's all I need. Wow. Fuck demons. Really shit. Okay. Um, thanks. I guess for your help. That's great that you're able to clear them out, man. Demons. Do you know Shia the garden snake? She might have a line on a bunch of saffron. Why do you ask? Cause she might have the saffron. Why are you being so weird, Jake? I mean, you're being weird.

You're asking me if I've, if I've, if I know somebody that I've never heard the name of, what are you talking about? You worked for shot. You, she hired you to toss our apartment. What do you, what do you talk? What are you talking about? Terrible mob boss right now. Okay. Jesus fucking Christ. Took like clues in it. Then he's like, Jake has a crush on Shia. No, that's for sure. What's happening? I don't even know who you're talking about. He's blushing so hard.

Oh, the blush talk told me to watch out for that. That's how you know that you have adult feelings about somebody. All right. And he reaches under the table and he grabs his dog mask and he puts it on. Do you have adult feelings for my sister? I don't. You're, you're what? You're allowed to just by the way, he lets him go. You're allowed. I do. Just so you know, she's her own person. And he, he pulls his dog mask back up. You're related.

I mean, if you, if I did know this person, that's cool that you have just dropped the act. Okay. Yeah. I have been working with the garden snake. She contacted me straight up, like, which was surprising. She just approached me. No disguise at all. Told me who she was. Let me know that things were about to get really bad. And, uh, she's been helping outfit me a little bit. I don't know how she just has a shit ton of money. She's been dressing you.

I mean, yeah, this is new, but she didn't buy it for me. I bought it with her money. How's the pattern of her tattoos? Yeah. It's like snakes coiling up his, up his front. That's really funny. If we're like, she's been giving you this stuff. Cause like your whole thing is dogs, but all your new clothes is snake stuff. I don't know. I'm trying to diversify a little bit. I guess it's fun. It totally has a crush on her. It's fun to mix patterns anyways. Yeah. She's cool.

Um, so that's kind of how we got control of the sticks. We keep the light guard out, which is a blessing. Cause Holy crap. Those dudes were really fucking stuff up. Yeah. What was going on with third that he just like punched through a house and then killed a bunch of people. That's just rumors. I haven't seen it, but yeah, from what I can tell, if people kind of get out of line, if criminals get a little too, uh, bold, he takes him out from what I can hear. And it's, it's bad.

Is he still working? With the light guard? Your guess is as good as mine. Like I don't work for the light guard, so I don't know, but he's been alone from what I can tell every time he goes out. Creepy. Yeah. And very few people see him. He tries to make sure that his comings and goings are unnoticed. He looks at tuck. Everybody at the table looked at me. All right. Nice way to leave money on the table. Uh, anyways. Yeah. So you needed some information. I'm happy. I'm happy to give it to you.

And now that I know that you're related to Shia. Yeah. Put in good. It feels like we're related. You know what I mean? What? Whoa. I mean, no, it's nice to talk to you, bro. It's nice to meet some people. Yeah. Uh, it gets, it does get lonely down here a little bit. Um, so yeah, you were looking for unusual individuals. Yeah. Information on the Magi of town. Uh huh. Yeah. At the Magi, they're super secretive for one. So we're pretty sure that this is them. You know what I mean? Pretty sure.

But, uh, some people were seen just kind of setting up in the shanties, like next to the lighthouse over the cliff. And they were putting up like torches, like sconces and nobody was taking them down, which is weird because usually nobody wants fire anywhere near those houses because they go up so fast. But if you're looking for the Magi, that seems like a pretty good area. The one thing that I do know is that we haven't seen any people going in the front door. You know what I mean?

So they've, if they're in there, they've got some other way in. So, but yeah, so that's what we know. If there's anything else I can help you with, you know, let me know. But, uh, that's what I got. I'll bet you. Thirds Cummings are pretty thick. Holy shit. The whole time. The whole time. That was hilarious. Uh, yeah. So that's what he tells you. He's like, are you just going to go right there? Is that your plan? Oh, I'm so sleepy. Yeah. I would love to have a nap. Do you want to stay here?

Or do you want to go back to your room? Or do you want to go back to your room? Or do you want to go back to your room? Oh my God. I would love to stay here. Can I sleep on that rug? Billy points at a stack of rolled up rugs. He's like, yeah, we're going to move those. Like we're trying to sell those. But if you want to sleep on the pile, I guess you can do. Um, so I thank him for dinner and I go wedge myself into the stack of, of rugs. Nice. Uh, tucking Ving.

I'm going to go upstairs and hang out for a bit. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. And Ving. Yeah. Yeah. That's upstairs. So Billy's just being tucked in. Oh yeah. I've already tucked myself in. Nice. If that's okay. Oh yeah. Totally. Jake is like, do you want me to unroll one of those? No, I like it like this. All right. Billy's lying underneath a bunch of them with just his face peeking out. Oh yeah. This is nice. It reminds him of being inside like tree trunks from when he lived in the woods. Yeah. Uh, okay.

So are we like, is there a thing upstairs that you guys are trying to do? Yeah. I was going to just hang out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's lots of stuff going on upstairs. It's again, people are, you know, it's actually now that it's later, it kind of picks up a little bit more because people are coming off like patrol shifts and they're just coming to get a drink and some food. So is there live music tonight? Uh, yeah, there is.

And it's, people are not into it because it's like one person with like a standup gut bucket base, like one of those wash basins with a broomstick and a string. And they're just like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. That's it. Over and over. A jazz. Yeah. Yeah. You see, you see somebody walk up on stage with a hat pulled low over their face, snapping in time. Oh, you can tell they're just about to start singing. And then I, I lean over to Ving.

I'm like, this nerd is going to get beaten up for sure. And they get up there and they're just like, is that McCall? It's nothing. Let's, uh, let's just listen for a while. Yeah. Uh, he goes up and puts a dollar in his hat. He tips his hat to you and he lights a cigarette. You know, this one's for all the lovers out there, out there in the sticks. Life's hard out here on the streets, the streets of McCall. A one, two, three, beep, as I poop, beep, buzzer pop, tuck yells, but it's real words.

But, boo, these, are, words. Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba. I've made up my own words to express my feelings. And those feelings are sadness. Ba, boo, ba, boo. Why did you leave me, Janine? Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba. I swear I was gonna do. Ba, ba, ba, all the things. Ba, ba, ba, that you asked me to do last week. Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba. He didn't finish his to-do list. And he goes on for a while. He lists a bunch of, stuff that Janine asked him to do, that he kept forgetting to do.

And he said he was gonna do it. And at the end, he's like, but now I'm not gonna do it. Ba. Wow. The defiance in that song. Pauses for claps. All right. That's fine. Gets to. And he gets off stage. And now there's no music. People are much happier now that there's no live music. Yeah. Should we try and talk to some of the, jazz players? I was gonna say jackals, but yeah, sure. Okay. What's up? Hey guys, am I, if we play around with you? Around, the what? Oh, this game we're playing? Yeah.

What are they called? Squiggles? Zazzles? Scribbles. Okay. You never played scribbles before? No, I never played scribbles. How do you play it? You put a marble in this top, and you spin the top, and if the marble shoots out of the top, into a cup, you drink it. Huh. Are you trying to get drunk, or are you trying not to get drunk? That's up to you, my friend. Okay. There's also a betting component, that's kind of complicated, but you'll get it as we go. Ving, how much money do we have?

Like a, a hundred gold coin. Let's bet it all. Ving says, knowing that they have 120, but didn't want to bet it all. Well, isn't that nice for you, because the fee to sit at the table, is a hundred gold coins. That's the buy-in. He's looking at all his friends. Uh, yeah, right. Okay. Nice try. You're right, it's two coins, sit down. Okay, I'll, I'll pitch in two. Alright. I'll pitch in 98. Whoa, okay. Big bank. Now we're playing, now we're playing Zazzles.

So, each of you is going to roll, 2d6, flat, nothing. And then what happens? Uh, if you succeed, you will double your money. If you get a, uh, seven to nine, you will lose half your money, and be really hung over the next day. Okay. And if you, uh, lose, you will lose all your money, and actually take a minus one ongoing. Alright. Hmm. Can we cut back to Billy for a second? Billy is under some rugs. How's he doing? He's good. He's asleep. He's having a dream. What's he dreaming about?

He is having a dream about mirrors. Oh. Oh. So, what's happening in the dream? Uh, mirrors is going to sleep. Hmm. And, uh, you see him in a, uh, comfortable, if rustic, room, with a comfortable, wide bed on it. Uh, and he's taking his, like, prosthetic off, and he's, like, rubbing his stump. Aw. And, uh, I thought it fused with his hand. Yeah. He can still take it off, but it does, it works like a hand when he does it. Oh, wow. Cool. Best of both worlds. Yeah.

So, he takes it off, and it, like, goes into rest mode, basically, and he puts it on a little stand, and he's rubbing his stump. And, uh, he looks happy. He's, like, smiling. It feels like, it looks like he had a good day of, like, activity. And, you look at him, and you're like, man, he looks a little bit different. Like, he looks a little, a little taller, a little fuller, just, like, a little more grown. Yeah. And Francis is sleeping. He's sleeping on the bed, and taking up most of it.

So, Mears has to, like, shove him aside a bit, like, move over. Uh-huh. And you see him, like, settle into bed next to Francis, who shifts over, so Mears can get in bed, and then goes right back to where he was. So, Mears is like, oh. Uh, and just before your brain settles into, like, the void of sleep, it feels like you make eye contact for, like, just half a second. With Mears? With Mears. Ooh. And then, sleep takes you. All right. And we cut to Ving. Oh, you're gonna roll.

Yeah, let's see how this goes. Come on, scribble. Two to six flat. Over the fence, and under the shoes. Look out, thing, I hope it don't lose. Oh, nice. Plus what? Flat. Oh, no! Eight. Eight. Fucking fuck! So, Ving loses one coin, throughout the course of the night. He wins and loses a lot. Oh, God. But at the end of the night, you're, like, one coin, and you're, That's not bad. You're pretty, tipsy. I think I did, okay. And tuck his leg, uh, over the garden, and under the hose.

Look, look out, money, here we goes. Shit. Fuck! You said, goes to your money. No. No! What'd you get? I got a four. Oh, my Lord. Four. So, you lose, you get, absolutely, waxed, by, uh, by that jackal, that you were talking to, whose name is, uh, Leekhole. And he's, like, counting coins, and he's like, you know what? I'm pretty thirsty. I didn't get a drop that whole game. Uh, fuck.

Leekhole, when, when you're doing stuff with the money, can you do, like, nice things with it, too, for other people? Yeah, what are you, what kind of guy do you think I am? Of course I can do something good with the money. Don't worry, I'm gonna get myself a nice new pair of slacks. And also, get them pleaded, because it's, it's nice to have extra room in the front for equipment and stuff. Yeah, you know what? That's a great idea.

And also, I do make charitable donations throughout the year, so there will be organizations that will be, uh, benefited by this, but also Leekhole. Have a great night, boys. And the rest, the rest of the night becomes a blur for both of you. Like, at one point, we cut to Tuck and Ving, who are on stage, uh, playing music, and you can hear Tuck go, uh, listen. Can you guys do a, uh, we do do the Allison song. You do Allison. Those are the hits. Because they're going, Allison.

Yeah, it's like a foggy, uh, soggy bottom boys kind of thing. When you start playing Allison, they're like, no fucking way. These guys. But what's the song that precedes Allison? Um, is it a shanty? Is it about, is it a song about going to lunch? I think it's maybe like a song, this is us on stage. This one is our number one, number two. So number two song, which means it's the second song we've ever done together. Get ready to record it. Everybody. Here we go.

FTT from the top one and two and a three, two, one. Boom. Boom. Yeah. Boom. Walking down the street. Like my name's McCall and I am feeling really tall. Feeling like my name is Tuck or something. And I'm trying to find the song. There's a guy There's a guy It's legal. Legal records? No way. You're talking. You were supposed to record a song. Shut the fuck up. Sorry, I interrupted your thing. I meant to do… I meant… This is what we're saying on stage. Yeah, I just wanted you to do more…

I just thought it was chorus, musical breakdown, then my chorus. You do your chorus. And then we do the… Okay, you do the thing. We'll just pick it up from the people who got me. The people who got me. Boom. Hi there. Big guy. Hi there, big guy. I'm walking down the street next to my friend. Big mother me. Look at him. From his head to his feet. Look at him. Ever get beat. He's a big mother tougher who never gets lost. And he's always done a thing with the other guy, me.

And our little buddies, we're sleeping in clouds. Those are rugs. Boom. Cha-cha. Cha. Sleeping in rugs. Those are rugs. Cha-cha. Cha. Sleeping in rugs. And those are garden snakes. Name is Shia. Uh-uh. And she lives in… Everybody starts cheering. And there's a delmation. And also we live in the library. And there is a dragon in the library. Also before that, we were in the sea of graves. And we stopped an evil dick monster from releasing the dead moon. And we also met the patron of sailors.

And before…

It was mostly uh hanging out in a resort and the coronet was happy yeah somebody uh swathed in uh linens with a cloth like a scarf around her face and a veil on her head just walks up and pushes tuck off the stage and goes hey these two everybody have a carry on with your night carry on and the last thing uh you both see before you absolutely black out is shia pulling her scarf down and going what the fuck are you doing holy shit it's you what is up and then blackout big black suit mid high five false face first on the floor we cut to the next morning tuck you are uh rudely awoken by uh the feeling of pickle brine entering your nose and you are you are cheek deep in the middle of the night and you're like oh my god I'm so sorry I'm so sorry in a pickle barrel full of brine pickles all around your face the lid is on oh no this is my worst nightmare coming to life I've literally been pickled oh god I've had this dream so many times tuck punches through the lid of the brine box yeah one of these punch he's just punches through everything he's gonna be wearing a barrel punches in every direction he's so disoriented arms out the sides legs out the bottom oh my god fuck very strong man oh shit twelve yeah it just shatters into a million pieces and you're in a like a kitchen and a bunch of a bunch of jackals like preparing breakfast are like what the fuck they dive out of the way and you're just standing there like hulk breathing covered in pickle brine hey sorry about that I was dying in that sorry and they just mouth a gape stare at you as you leave the kitchen and you come out into the main room and you're like oh my god I'm so sorry I'm stuck in a area of the stray dog and you see ving on the other side of the room hanging from a coat hook bang oh what happened where am I this is a very tall code hook oh my god right it's like seven feet not for people they're stuck you're in a sack your legs are up around your dick goodness set what do you smell like pickles what's going on what happened last night we got so fucked up and I think you lost us all of our money I lost us all the money Right Tuck You're gonna take a minus one ongoing No why for lying For failing Remember you failed You got so drunk You have like a herculean hangover And Billy Billy's doing something totally normal What's Billy doing Billy is still in Jake's office Scrummaging around He woke up hours ago Yeah Okay what are you scrummaging There's a lot of stuff down here I don't know like his cupboards Opening up the cupboards Okay yeah let's do discern realities You could find some pretty neat stuff in here Nine Sick So you get one question I want to know what else is hidden here Okay So you're scrummaging around In this like storehouse basically That Jake hangs out in Found some like yogurt covered raisins earlier So I'm carrying Dragging that bag with me and shoveling Mouthfuls in I'm like Wonder what's in this bag Dragging the bag Yeah wonder what's over here Also a trail of raisins being left So it's everywhere It's a trail of raisins Because Billy's sucking the yogurt off And spitting out the raisins And there's one of those little Pest street lizards Following the trail Eating the raisins behind you It's fine It's a coconut yogurt Dairy free Oh it's the dairy thing Oh smart Good call Smart Good call Good call Good call Good call Good call Good call Good call Good call Good call Yeah okay so You're just opening bags That you find And it's like There's a lot of food here There's like dried beans Cured meats The usual thing I help myself to some Cured meats Great Also Yeah you've got a lot of cured meats That totally go with your Coconut yogurt Covered raisins It's creating quite a Milieu of flavor Inside your mouth I like that for Opening a bag for Billy Is sticking a knife And cutting it down The middle And letting it pour The bags are too tall Yeah I make little cuts In it Yeah ew those need to be cooked first yuck that's why the bag is dragging and spilling beans cuts went open there's just gold coins in it and he's like these can't even be eaten yeah totally bored by money so bye uh but again you're like thiefy sense goes off and you're like oh there's a secret panel here 100 and you walk up and you like uh press into just a section that looks like smooth stone and you hear click and then it springs back out and opens up into this like high school locker sized like space and there's a picture of the garden snake yeah I'm like stickers from bananas yeah I like those yeah what's uh what's something that billy would be really excited to find so this is basically like his personal items and yeah this is like where he doesn't want anybody to find his stuff billy would love to find um because there's you know like coins yeah there's a coin of a metal that you don't usually see it's like a whiter lighter metal oh aluminum if I had to tell you it's basically the equivalent of like platinum like it's more valuable than a gold coin okay yeah I I look over that I'm like I taste it I'm like disgusting and he's like a sommelier or like that like that ice cream tasting guy yeah gross not for me um I was thinking about like maybe a little like stuffed animal but it feels like there's been stuff put in but I mostly like it because it's soft what kind of animal is it a little camel or centaur or a moth or a bear it's a bear it's just a little stuffed bear yeah yeah and you feel like yeah there is a little thing that kind of opens and there was there's space to put stuff inside of it there's some stuff in it but I hear jake coming I'm like oh shit and you just close it yeah I stuff I stuff the teddy bear under my shirt and I and I'm like oh no and I see all the raisins and the meats and stuff and the beans and you yeah you hear the footsteps coming down the stairs and you hear jake's voice go what the fuck happened in here I'm sorry I'm sorry Did you do this?

Yeah. Get the fuck upstairs. I'm sorry, Jake. I can clean it up. No, don't touch anything else. Why? I'm helping. I'm helping. Look at this lizard got in here. He shoos a lizard away. He was so polite. Look, hey, kid, I'm happy to do business with you. You and your crew seem to get some shit done. Get the fuck upstairs right now. Okay. And yeah, he sends you upstairs and he snatches the bag out of your hands before you go upstairs. Can I? I'm hungry. Okay. And he reaches in and grabs a handful.

Okay. And dribbles the handful into your hands. Thanks. We need these. For what? For food. For Halloween. It's Halloween coming up. I'm sorry, Jake. It's… I didn't mean to. I… It's fine. Okay? It's fine. But still, get the fuck out of here. Can you help me up the stairs? I can't climb under two feet. Yes, I can help you up the stairs. She's really laying into things. I would have gone upstairs, but I couldn't do it. And I got hungry, so I had to eat.

And he picks you up under the arms and sits you like… So you're sitting on his forearm like a 20-year-old carrying his baby cousin. Yeah. Just like, oh my God. Yes. Come upstairs. And he puts you at the top of the stairs and goes, stay out of here. Okay, bye. Bye. He slams the door in my face. You see Tuck and Ving. Tuck is trying to get Ving off a coat rack out of a bag. And Ving is laughing so hard. And Tuck stinks like pickles. Whoa, you guys look rough. Yeah.

Billy, what's under your shirt? Nothing. I'll show you when you get out of the bag. I just ripped the bag open. Yeah, and Ving sprightly, well, not quite as sprightly because he's got a bit of a hangover, touches the ground, stumbles a bit. Oof. And you're free. Yeah, you're just standing in the stray dog. The morning is a little bit quieter, of course. There are… This place always kind of has… Summer camp lunchroom kind of feel. Mm-hmm.

Like a military cafeteria because it is a work space, basically, for these people. Like anyone can walk in and grab whatever they need and then leave. Exactly. And the jackals come here all the time. Yeah, it's like, come get your orders and then go. Yeah. So that's what's kind of going on. It's a little quiet. But in the corner, you see a familiar figure. Is it Allison? It's Shia. Oh. Oh. What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up?

What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? She's like, she… Because she said figure. You're like, ooh, the most luscious figure to behold. Tuck runs up and he puts his hand on her shoulder. He's like, Allison, is that you? She, like, grabs your hand very firmly and takes it off and says, Tuck, sit down. Oh, Shia, it's just you. Just sit down, please. Fine.

Bing brings over some tea, like a hangover cure tea for… For Tuck, yeah. Great. Uh, so quick question, just off the top. What the fuck are you guys doing? What do you mean? Are you just, are you trying to cause trouble? Are you trying to attract attention to yourselves? We're not trying to do anything. Well, you're fucking stumbling balls first through the city. I feel like it's probably dick first. Just anatomically. All right, whatever. Either way. Maybe if we were backwards and bent over.

Yeah. I still might be butt first. We were mooning someone doing that, like fruit bowl kind of thing. Yeah. With the hands on the ground. And then like shimmying backwards towards the, as a sign of extra disrespect. Actually, it might be easier to tuck your dick from the front and pull your balls out in front of it. She's got her hands up in the air. Like, what is going on? And both Tuck and Bing are rummaging around in their pants to try and figure out the anatomy. Please, please stop. Please.

For the love of God. I'm okay with that. Okay, well, we're here because Jake told us to go put a stop to the daydreamer. The daydreamers. Yeah. In exchange for information about the Magi. Like, literally everybody in the sticks knows what you're doing. What? No, we couldn't have. How did they know? I didn't tell anyone. Because you don't lower your voices even one decibel when you talk. You're basically telling everybody that you possibly can about what you're doing.

And there's some dude with a faux hawk running around talking about how cool his friends are. And I realized that that's you guys. And he's just giving up the goat to anybody that'll ask. I knew it. I knew we shouldn't talk to Dan. Literally, everything bad happens when we talk to Dan. Last time we saw him for three seconds and then we ended up lost in the Sea of Graves for months. He is a terrible omen in our lives. He's a harbinger of doom.

And if you think about it, him getting you guys to bring him to Mudlark basically started off what could be the apocalypse. Yeah. Dan is an, an albatross. He might be, yeah, the devil. Yeah. We talk about Tuck being an agent of chaos. Like, it's too glad. Yeah. Maybe Dan is a demon. Yeah. Demon of mischief. I thought you were going to say meats. Anyways. So, yeah, I mean, thanks for helping Jake with the daydreamers thing. That was cool. You're working with Jake? I mean, Jake's working for me.

Hey guys, dating. Are you guys going out? No. Do you like him even a little bit? I'm like easily three times his age. We can put in a good word for you. Anyways, we'll table that for now. I bet you he wants to table you. Okay. Whoa. I won't leave that. Sorry. I'm sorry. That's fucked up. It's fine. I get it. I saw how much you had to drink last night. I understand that your inhibitions are maybe a little looser than they usually are, which is saying something.

So, yeah, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what are you doing here? We're here to look for the magi to the Billy is having a hard time remembering. Yeah. Do you know anything about the, the dark church? No. There's only weird cloaked figures around lighten braziers. People, we heard they're around the lighthouse.

I, yeah, some of the, some of the kids that I, I employ have said that there have been people that looked a hell of a lot like the magi are supposed to look around the lighthouse so yeah they're definitely uh doing something around the lighthouse they might be inside but if they are inside I haven't figured out how they're getting in why are you trying to find them again uh they might have information on how to get perel his magic back okay all right so this is like a personal trip yeah basically yeah we weren't doing anything for the librarians right no I mean they'd be interested oh yeah but no again you're talking at full volume about working for the secretive library sorry so and then tuck leans forward really close to shia and he's like I'm pretty sure we didn't have any errands to run for the librarians you smell like fermented pickles I know I woke up in a pickled vat again I know what I was the one that convinced you to get in there what what!

She high fives billy it's pretty funny it was you got in so easily you had no questions you just hopped in tuck in his history has destroyed six different float tanks yeah that like float houses that he's gone to because he falls asleep wakes up thinks it's the pickle dream the pickle dream uh yeah so what have you been working on what's your biggest concern right now what's happening I've been trying to you know help maintain control oh my god I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um yeah well congratulations you okay we're still high five are you waiting for all of them to connect at the same time before you stop you do it Jessica hold your hand tighter yeah yeah Chey goes that was worth the wait yeah so that's kind of it you know I've been using the jackals to keep control of this part of the city and we're gonna move into cliffside or stepside we're gonna move into stepside sooner or later so that'll be nice when was the last time you saw third oh fuck yeah what's going on with that guy no no one can give us a fucking straight answer everyone's like he's in the shadows and he's like he's operating independently maybe he's in a cloak and he's coming although all the time he's coming all over the goings or whatever fuck I can't figure out this joke it's a paid expression on his face is holding his temple yeah I mean I can't be a hundred percent sure what his motivations are it was like you know last time I saw him he was trying to kill me so why whoa well you know I'm kind of and she lowers like I'm kind of a crime boss you're a crime boss oh my god you're the good guy I mean yeah it's it's a it's I am we are working towards stabilizing the city but we are doing it through less than legal means I mean if you think about it that's really the origin of organized crime is people providing for communities that traditionally won't be provided for really maybe I make a little money off that but that's nobody's business but mine you're not extorting anybody no well threatening I mean extortion is such a such a complicated oh my god it's more like security contracting you know like I can't do this stuff for free all the time so yeah anyways I was trying to get some information on another bunch of was their name dust devils yeah you remember you hearing that oh yeah yeah yeah so I was trying to get some info on them I went to their hideout in the middle of the night sneaking through and unfortunately that was the night that third decided to show up and shut them down permanently what happened he took them out hundred percent like gone we heard that like the whole whole house fell off the edge of the cliff yeah basically he kind of pushed it off with them inside of it he will there was a fight and it ended with him pushing the building off the cliff that's fucked up yeah he's off the chain like whatever was keeping him in place when the torch was in control that's gone so many lives could have been lost yeah and he caught sight of me we mixed it up for a little bit and I thankfully got away but I don't want to see him again you got away from the third it was hard but I did and he might have seen me turn into a snake so you know that's not great he saw you as a snake before in the hearth yeah so he's probably connecting some dots but it seems like he might not be with the light guard anymore have you talked to eighth at all oh um because eighth lives in the upper ward right yeah she kind of wants to stay out of things I I know I know like you guys are giving her this look like what do you mean yeah and she's like yeah I went and I have tried to talk to her but um she won't even see me like it's like every time I go to where she supposedly is she's gone so she's not interested have you has ninth come back to the city because we cross paths with him in the don't know in the desert no idea okay well let's table that for now yeah so next step is what lighthouse yeah I guess the lighthouse try and figure out what's going on there cool you got free reign in the sticks but I won't be coming with you I hope you understand do you know where Perel is oh um he went out he went out yeah he said he had to pick something up what let's let's go look for Perel yeah we're gonna find this fucking guy he's doing something bad sniff around see if I can find him yeah totally last time we were separated from him he almost released a moon got it yeah in time before that he bought too many hats can I roll connections to get a little or do you should we just wander oh no I like that yeah connections is good it's plus charisma I think post charisma yeah so nine plus two is eleven hell yeah holy shit yeah on a ten plus someone has it just for me and I'm just gonna ask one of the jackals yeah you can yeah there's just a bunch like hanging out outside yeah and uh yeah they're like smoking yeah hey I tug on his like pant leg yeah um have you seen Perel like the dude with the like flower shirt and it was ripped into a vest right and some like swimming shorts uh-huh yeah I saw him yeah yeah he was he stayed here and then this morning he got up and he said he was going for a walk did he say where like did which way did he go oh he went uh that way and he points like to your right down the street okay yeah is it like towards the lighthouse uh yeah it is towards the lighthouse but it's like parallel to the lighthouse yeah all right uh should we go this way yeah let's go find Perel before we do this fucking thing which we're doing for him I don't know why the fuck he would wander away I know maybe he found something out oh uh he said sorry before you go he said he was scouting he's scouting yeah that doesn't sound like him that's not good we should walk fast did he and I grabbed the guy like uh-huh by the arm and I pull him close to me I was like did he have a fucking big hat and a dumb mustache on and was he talking with a cadence that sounded like it was from a copper book novel yes fuck he didn't have a hat though and he was really pissed about it let's check the hat shop yeah where's the nearest hat cobbler uh you you remember the hat store that he was like perusing when you ran into Dan right it is that way yeah so you go to that hat store I were spreading too because if he tries to pull some fucking Dirk adventureman shit he's gonna fucking kill himself and uh you run in this hat stores open and there's like a person inside the hat store is called um brimming with excitement wow and there's a very there's a very sunny 50 year old man inside do you have change rooms here uh we do we have some change rooms if you want to step in and see how a chapeau looks on you we're just looking for our friend is he here is there somebody in the change rooms or something there's no one in the change rooms who was your friend he's bald he has a mustache a flower vest shirt and some swimming shorts was he here mm-hmm he was here for hats yep oh I could tell I could tell he was he was here um I'd say about 30 40 minutes ago fuck which way did he go uh he well he bought a hat what kind no it was uh it was a um a brown leather leather mid-sized brim yes that's a adventure hat shit did he get a feather to go with it he did he got two actually two just like we're so fucked he's got so much confidence and literally zero skill to back it up uh and after he bought the hat he was he was in a very good mood and he said that he'd worked up quite the appetite he called it a hat patite oh god he would and he said that he was gonna go get uh go get the perhaps a coffee and a pastry oh I know I know where he went there's a there's a fancy breakfast place that has really fancy coffee and uh french pastries or I mean panusian pastries they have panusian pastries and all the divorced moms and and young people go there he's there for sure it's got the vibe of like a gas town coffee shop where it's like in a really bad part of town but it's super fancy it sounds like it's a brunch place yeah yeah yeah all right let's go there so billy you lead the way hey you haberdasher man I'm taking this hat that's like his hat and then I put it on that's theft I'll get you on the flip side my dude and then he he high fives himself I guess the man just sighs as you run out of the store and you run out the street and run to the brunch place what's the brunch place called run is like excessive okay he is running up you hustle no we meander okay I take the shady side of the street and yeah we walk a couple blocks I'm like here it is you can see the lineups pretty long he might still be in it we look around what's the brunch place called oof oof yeah oof there's a huge line it's like basically just on the edge of the jackals territory so like people come from the more middle class areas of cliffside to come here and um um!

Not in the line but the lines really long it'd be surprising if he got in in less than half an hour we look in the front windows yep there's people happily paying way too much for poached eggs is pro in there he's not if you want to roll something we could perhaps get some detail discern realities yeah two d six plus wisdom I I go look at the the weight line you know we have to put your name down and look for pro 10 oh!

Nine nine does anyone want to aid perhaps oh yeah definitely um I've started asking people in the lineup have you seen pearl have you seen my uncle uncle he's bald I describe him to the lineup nice oh yeah we eat got 10 hell yeah okay so that's a 10 and a 10 so you get three questions off the discern realities list what happened here recently what happened here recently so Billy is asking in the line have you seen my uncle's ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ladies uh I am in a bulk face we can tell what can we do we so okay yes we did see him we saw him he was behind us in line actually oh and I guess he left yeah he it seemed like he saw somebody and he took off which way did he go uh he went uh he just went like down the street like this way I think I saw him turn down an alley maybe there were some people following him actually now that I think about it what kind of people you know just a real generic kind of vibe all right like this place yeah well excuse you this is the finest place to get a meal between breakfast and lunch and all of cliffside hey can I tell you a quick secret you know just to thank you for giving us a hand they have a great dumpster out back and you can get all the poached eggs you want and full donuts and croissants like you can have it all you don't even have to pay it's free and you can get all the poached eggs you want and full donuts and croissants like you can have it anyway it's great have a great day lady and you see them go like oh why would we go to a dumpster and then a couple of them look towards the alley their eyes dart in the direction of the alley because they're tired of waiting in line yeah totally the dumpster wives of mccall the real dump wives of mccall yeah uh so yeah that's what you find out is perel was apparently seen saw somebody and was being pursued we have two more questions should we ask him or just go down the alley I'm gonna say that you can like see if you can find a place to put your stuff in the alley and if you can't find a place to put your stuff in the alley and if you can't find a place to put your stuff in the alley you can still use those questions this is like a broad situation that you're investigating yeah yeah so you head further down the street and we're rushing again billy's like lazy but tuck has picked him up he's like we have to run I know perel's gonna get his fucking ass kicked if we don't find him and billy as he's running uh your stomach is being jostled against his arm so it's just that like so many like raisins in there oh and the teddy bear oh my teddy bear we just think that's what you call your tummy now yeah your teddy bear's fine and you come to an alley that the lady said that it looked like perel ran down and there's nobody here okay what happened here recently you see a garbage can has been knocked over in the alleyway and billy your uh dumpster kid sense tells you that this happened recently oh yeah yeah because some of the best bits are still there and they're still wet put me down put me down he just kicks out of my arms look at this look at this chicken curry oh it's still warm but it's on the dirt like no bowl just loose curry I taste it way too much skim off the top pal that's fresh more than a taste and uh as you're on the ground looking at the dumpster you notice like a bunch of scuffles too like there's footprints and it looks like there were several people here and there was a tussle of some kind and there's footprints can we track them uh yeah you totally can so you track them down the alleyway and you're like oh my god I'm gonna die and there's footprints can we track them uh yeah you totally can so you track them down the alleyway and you're like oh my god I'm gonna die okay um you're just following the very obvious footprints you know like another pink thread on the ground another kicked over trash can more curry taste taste taste half of a mustache actually yeah you do find like half a fake mustache on the ground oh my god he's gonna be so scared right now and um it takes you through like a couple back alleys uh onto a main street that is now like basically the thoroughfare directly to the lighthouse and the shantytown that's on the other side of the street and you're like oh my god I'm gonna die oh it's the tallow road I think you can follow it right to the shantytown basically like you know that that's where it's going you're like oh the lighthouse obviously that would be the place to look and um you get close to the lighthouse it's immensity shocking you the the way the sun is rising and the shadow hasn't been cast over cliffside and um there are people just milling about once you get to the shantytown it's like a lot more people it's way denser it's like the wooden boardwalks yeah it's like the wooden boardwalks it's like the wooden boardwalks that are attached to the lighthouse here yeah places on stilts and scaffolds you know there's like laundry drying everywhere there are kids playing people cleaning fish and stuff like that selling dates yeah exactly it's like a crisscross multi-level thing that like covers the whole base of the lighthouse yeah because it's fucking huge right yeah it's enormous billy your your sharp senses you see one of the people in the like that's right at the front of the houses on like the shantytown like a shack that's like maybe two or three levels above street level sees you and darts back into their shack whoa guys there's someone up there lead the way billy okay and uh when you get up into the the boardwalks uh like 15 year old says like what are you doing oh we're just visiting my uncle uh you don't look like you're from around here what's that supposed to mean do you think like we don't live here now I grew up in this neighborhood our uncle lives here parlay yeah yeah tuck yeah I'm trying to find uncle fatty okay it's eight uncle fatty huh yeah okay all right just make it quick all right we don't like people coming in here and making trouble okay yeah I promise we won't cause trouble thank you and he uh does the coin rubbing together and then with his fingers and then we all start doing it and thank no thank you so much thank you are you dense all right thank you just give him some money oh money shit sorry yeah here I'll give him one yeah he takes it and he just goes back to like scaling this uh dead lizard that he has and yeah you can head up these like really ramshackle stairs and um you're just walking up there's like little openings off the sides it's really cramped in here yeah it's actually probably really hard for tuck to even get in yeah the last time I was actually in the sticks I think I was maybe a lot smaller than I am now yeah you and vinger both crouching but tuck you're basically sideways trying to get up the staircase yeah because tuck left when he was a teenager yeah so you you didn't he hadn't like filled out this much totally and you get to the top level that you saw billy and uh the door that you get to is locked tricks of the trade please all right 2d6 plus dexterity whoa jesus it's been a while since you've opened a locked door but it feels so good yeah it does um I just I rummaged into my hair and I found like a oh do I still have the brass pin yeah yeah oh yeah I scrummaged around it brass pin here we go I'll give it a lick and don't lick that because your hair is incredibly messy this and I poke it a part of his head I'm like this is barbecue sauce leave it alone it's really important my process so yeah I do it there's like a lot of locks on this door there's like three or four locks yeah and this lock that for like the last one you do is of extremely high quality like there's a lot of mechanisms inside that uh surprise you and um you open it into like a very small area maybe five by five with a staircase in the middle that goes down oh okay is it dark uh you know lights coming in through the boards because it's not like the door is closed it's like a little bit of a tight fits but it is not lit that's for sure oh can I do a willow the wisp for light oh yeah you don't even have to roll just bang really okay um so you start going down the stairs yeah okay it gets darker as the quality of the wood around you gets like better and the boards fit together tighter tuck you're having a really fucking hard time getting down these stairs yeah I'm shimmying sideways yeah you're basically trying to smoosh yourself down a corkscrew yeah and the further down you go you're going to get a little bit of light and then you're going to get a little bit of the more it feels like you're in like a tube basically that's been attached to pre-existing construction and billy you especially spatially realize you're below uh the lowest building on the cliff whoa what like it's a staircase hanging in the open air underneath the houses uh-huh and you come to like a wooden catwalk hanging underneath the uh cliffside village that goes into the cliffside village and you're like oh my god I'm so scared I'm so scared I'm so scared I'm so scared I'm so scared I'm so scared I'm so scared I'm so scared I'm so scared I'm so scared and you're standing on this catwalk that extends over the precipitous drop of the cliff whoa and clinging to the rock next to the doorway growing in a shaft of light that just barely ekes out through the boards above is a single orange flower and that's where we're the cliff.

Whoa. And clinging to the rock next to the doorway, growing in a shaft of light that just barely ekes out through the boards above is a single orange flower. Whoa. And that's where we're going to end it for this week. I'm your Game Master Sean O'Hara. Joining me as always playing Ving the Half-Elf Druid, Paul Oppers. Take care. Playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian Abdul Aziz. So long. And playing Fat Billy the Halfling Thief, Jessica Tai. Bye everyone.

Thanks to Aaron Reed for our intro and outro music as always. And thank you to our incredible Patreon supporters supporting us from around the world. If you want us to support the show, feel free to go to patreon.com slash speltlore or speltlore.com slash money please. We can be found on the world wide web at speltlore most places. We'll see you next time. And so ends the tale of adventures three who tried the best they can. Though dumb and scared and lost they be.

For times of rest they've been lost in revelry. And though our journey may be like a conclusion. We will not leave you without a resolution. Return next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores. And for you I'd gladly be back. I'd gladly be back. We'll be back. We'll be back. Thank you.