Episode 8 – Return to the Wallowing Sow

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape, and wields a spear with great might Billy's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends, and listen close For the tale's about to start You see a shadow, like, cast over you from the sky And you feel a heavy, rough, gloved hand on your shoulder And you get turned around and you look into the face of somebody that you met a couple nights ago The long, mustachioed face of Armando, captain of the guard Ugh, okay And he says, young man, you're gonna have to come with me Why?

Because we have reports that you stole from our mayor I don't know, I feel like Billy's kind of a pussy, so he's gonna lie He's gonna lie? Okay, so what's the lie? Deny this We've got eyewitness testimony saying you stole from the mayor Well, I think it was that one over there And I just, like, point at, like, a different halfling It wasn't me Okay, well Just throw him under the bus Wait, did you point at the halfling that is running the potato toss?

Yeah, so I'm pointing at, like, yeah And so I wave back at him, and I'm like, okay, I'm gonna throw him under the bus I'm gonna look back at the woman The woman halfling with, like, the ringlet hair and the, like, potato-y looking clothes Yeah, she's wearing a potato costume as part of the potato game Just, like, a potato sack Okay, yeah, so that's a defy danger charisma Six?

Seven Oh, yes Okay, yeah, so with, um, what happens is he, like, you wave at the halfling And Armando, like, looks over, and she waves back, like, yeah, totally Yeah, way to go, thumbs up As this investigation moves forward, I will take this, and I will consider it But, and he, like, squints his eyes, and he leans real close into your face, and he says Don't leave town And he walks over, and you see him, like, talking to the halfling on the barrel And he's, like, kind of poking her, shoving her, and, like, really wagging his finger in your face And she, like, looks over, and she looks at you And she kind of, like, grimaces, like, why?

Why? How could you do this to me, bud? Sorry!

So I, I, I, I mow that, I'm sorry And she's, uh, and she, like, is, like, pulled down off the barrel And they start, like, shoving her away, cause she's, like, really making a stink And she's, like, pointing at you, and, uh, and Armando takes her away Oh my god, I feel really bad, you guys I mean Whatever, our actions have consequences, but you gotta look out for number one I'm sorry Also, cool hat Thank you Yes King of the hot dogs Yes Yeah, hot dog king, hot dog king, hot dog king, hot dog king, hot dog king, hot dog king That kid from earlier that Tacoma kept scaring comes by and he goes, hot dog king, hot dog king Get the fuck outta here!

You're not part of this, kid! We're friends with each other! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

He runs away, he runs away Okay, so God, some people Maybe we should get out of here for now, you guys Yeah, I guess Yeah, that's probably a good idea That kid's mom's gonna really fucking be pissed at me at some point So what's the Hopefully he's an orphan Just, like, apparently most of the people in this world Yeah Including two of the three of you All of you guys Yeah, um, yeah, there's, like, this weird statistic that everyone knows where it's, like, as soon as you have a kid, your chance of suicide or being the victim of murder goes up to, like, 98% That's a lot Alright, so what is, what, what, what, what clue are you guys following in the, the case of It seems to all tie back to the Wallowing sow Yeah, it's good Make you call the wallowing sow and dick foul swell So, let's head over that way Alright I don't have any more tokens anyway, so that sucks You want some of mine?

No Yeah, we're not, I'm not gonna spend mine at all No, let's just go there Okay I'll keep my tokens Alright, so you guys go to the wallowing sow and, uh, The rooms are all full up, so there's a lot of people in the, in the common room, a lot of people dressed in, uh, festivally gear And you see Maggie Cole, as you saw her before, kind of weaving between the tables, having a good old time, uh, serving people and chatting, and she, like, looks at the door and she's like, You know, if you could just find a place to sit, you, you sit wherever you want We'll be around in a sec Oh, okay, yeah, let's take a seat Yeah So, there's like a pretty sizable room, tables all over the place, stairs going upstairs to the rentable rooms Um, there's a bar at one end, as you are familiar with, because Billy snuck into the kitchen earlier On the wall behind the bar, hooks in the wall holding up a really ornate, solid, but like, worn-looking spear With a scarred shield underneath it And next to that you see a painting, an oil portrait of somebody that looks a lot like a younger Maggie Cole holding a spear and a shield Oh, cool And wearing nice-looking armor, standing on top of a hill, spear in the air Cool And, uh, those orcs that you mentioned Oh, yeah Are still kind of in the corner playing some sort of game with blocks Oh, yeah Where they're like moving them and stacking them up I'm gonna go to the bar and get everyone a drink Cool Okay, wonderful Um, can you get me What do you want?

Like, uh, river water lisp Yeah, do you want sparkling or still? River water, still river water lisp Okay I want still water lisp Still water lisp Raspberry Raspberry still water lisp Okay, does it matter what brand? No, I don't think so They all taste the same It'll probably be Nesty then Okay Okay Billy, what do you want to drink? I have some oat milk, but can I have it warm? Oat milk or goat milk? Oat milk Okay, cool Gross Why?

You've never even tried it Yeah, okay I'll get you oat milk What does a fang care to drink? Oh, uh, ox's blood? Oh my god You say that and the bartender's like, okay I haven't opened this for a while See, that's just three coins Cool, yeah Metal, like money coins Give me six of the shitty ones Yeah, can I give him, will he take my hot dog festival coins? He doesn't want them Do you have family? Do you have a children? Yeah, I have a children Do you have more than one? You know what?

I'm not gonna tell you anything else about my children Do they like, like, have a family? Yeah, they do They're like, like, they're like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, Do they like the hot dog festival?

I just happen to have four extra tokens to the hot dog festival You have six extra tokens Good for you I want two for myself Well, okay, roll, roll two-d-six-plus charisma for the parlay, cause he's like, well, I mean, everybody loves the hot dog festival Boys are going to love the hot dog festival. We're rolling so badly today. It says you have four? Yeah. You know what? It's not enough, man. You try to buy any food out there yet? It's like eight tokens per item. Get out of here.

Real money or no drinks. Okay, I'll just have the goat's milk and the river water. All right, all right. Sheen and raspberry. He takes the coins. He mixes up the two drinks. Here you go, guys. Thanks, man. Thank you. You're welcome. I'm sorry. You can have some of my oat milk. It's pretty good. It tastes weird. And then so Maggie Cole comes around and she says, can I get you guys anything to eat? We're actually just admiring your painting and your sword and shield. Oh, it was a spear.

But she looks up and she's like, oh, better days. You know what I mean? I'm in the twilight of my life now, but I had some wild times when I was a young girl. Tell us about it, please. She was at one time the champion of like a duke. She pushed back a goblin horde from like a town. Fuck. For that, she was given a knighthood. She traveled the world as the spear arm of a liege lord. She took a really bad injury one time and that sort of put in perspective that, you know, her time had passed.

What was her injury? She was in a duel with the champion of a necromancer. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She took it. She took one right in the bicep and it almost severed her whole arm. Fuck. But she was able to recover. Was the champion dead? It was a dead. It was a reanimated. Whoa. Yeah. It was like a reanimated warrior.

And she was like, it was, you know, when I, when it was happening, it was pretty scary. But in retrospect, it was pretty cool. Yeah. I'll bet. It was pretty cool. It was pretty cool. And she like rolls up her sleeve and you see that it's just like it's healed, but the scar basically goes all the way through like to her bone. Describe the scar. It's just like it's like if you were to… Is it a line with six lines off? It is not. Shit.

It's basically like if you were to saw into a loaf of bread and stop halfway. Oh, jeez. Fucking Christ. And then she's like, it's a little sore when it rains, but I told the Duke that, you know, this is enough for me. I think I gotta move on. Moved to Mudlark. Built this place and I've been living the good life ever since. Cool. You ever get involved with Mudlarking? It's a little hard on the bones. I leave that to the younger folk. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Anyways, can I get y'all something to eat?

I think I'm good with my oat milk as I only have two. Yeah, I think we need to look at the menu a little longer. Okay. Could you come back a couple minutes? Yeah, of course. You just signal me when you need something. Thanks, Maggie. Yeah, no problem, hon. Okay. And she hustles off. Wow. She pinches Billy's chest. She's chic on the way by. You're just a little cutie. Yeah. I like your raccoon skin and your hot dog hat. She's off into the barn. Should we ask her about this herb? I guess, yeah.

And also, I think she's a muckraker. Can I ask what you're basing your theory that Maggie Cole is a muckraker based on? She's like, she's come up enough and like all like the different… She's an inn owner. She misses the good old days, though. She longs for adventure. Also, Dick Falsmith was like, I forgot. You tell Maggie I forgot. Well, maybe it's not her, but maybe it has someone maybe like there's someone in the inn. She seems connected. Is there anywhere I can go sniffing around?

Oh, yeah. You can sniff around anywhere. Really? Yeah. Could you find her quarters? This would be a discern realities because it's like a situation that you're trying to… Okay, I'm going to look around and see if maybe there's a staff room or her apartment that's attached. Okay. Billy is like thinking maybe we're not going to get a lot of info from her because she's like smarter than we are. Yeah. I mean, you could roll discern reality. You could like observe her. Yeah. Okay.

I'm just going to watch her for a sec. Nine. Okay. So it's discern realities. You get one question from the list. What happened here recently? What is about to happen? What should I be on the lookout for? What here is useful or valuable to me? Who's really in control here? What here is not what it appears to be? Maybe that last one? Maybe that last one. Let's go with the last one. Okay. So you see the two orcs in the corner playing their game. One of them has her like back to the wall.

She's keeping an eye on Maggie every once in a while when Maggie like casts her eye in the direction of the orc. The orc like nods a little bit on her bicep. She does have the rake tattoo. The orc in the corner does. Oh man. I'd really love to get a look inside of Maggie's robes. Billy, you might be the best. Can you distract? I could sing a song. You could. Okay. I'm going to get up on stage. I'm going to start singing and you go to the room. Okay.

So there is a musician up there right now playing like a harp just singing a really shitty song that's like In old Mudlark Laugh goes slow You wake up in the morning Jesus fuck Glad you're not six feet below Just like singing. Sorry, what were you going to say? Could I like fly and turn into a snake and crawl up his pants? You could or to go I could go talk to him. Sure, I'll just wait here. Do you want to come with me? Yeah, let's go. Do you know how to play anything?

Yeah, I can play that guy's harp pretty good. Okay, cool. Okay. I walk up on the stage and I'm like, hey man. It's like, hey, what do you know? I got a song. I'm singing here. It's like, I know, but nobody likes it. I'm singing about old Mudlark. I grab his harp. All right, everybody. Look at me. Everybody look at me. Look over here, everybody. Everyone's like Everybody like puts down their drink and like turns is like, what is happening? Hey, my name is Tacoma and this is my best friend, Ving.

Hi, everybody. And we're going to sing a little song. This song is I wrote it when I was 16. Sing, sing four lines to two, four, two, two, four, four. Her name was Allison. She made me scream real loud. Hey, Allison, come back. Don't leave me alone in this barge. Hey, Allison, I miss you already. Hey, Allison, you took my second virginity. Oh, Lord. Okay. All right. Oh, Lord. My virginity went away. Oh, Lord. My virginity is not with me. It's with Allison. Low, low, low, low.

Low is where she went on my body. All right. Now you got to make a roll. So you're going to roll 2d6 plus charisma. Ving, you're going to aid. Yeah. So it's an 11. So everyone in the bar is like enraptured. They're listening for a little bit. And it's that thing where like they start like snapping their fingers and tapping their feet. And then they like get up and they're like boogie. And everyone is like they're pushing tables out of the way. People are dancing and going nuts.

And Maggie's in the back like clapping away. And everyone is totally caught up in this situation. Billy, you could not care less. I am already like look, I'm, I'm sneaking away. I've gone up the stairs to what I believe is her apartment. And I'm going to try to open the door. Okay. So you creep up the stairs and you're like at the door and it's got painted on it like a little shield with a spear behind it.

You're like looking over the balcony and you're looking down into the main room where everybody's dancing and having a great time as Tacoma and Ving go through the fourth refrain of Allison. You see the orc woman that you saw earlier at the table get up and she starts walking towards the stairs. I'm going to try to open the door really quickly. It is locked. Okay. But you can roll tricks of the trade. Yeah. So 2d6 plus dexterity. Seven. So you, how does, oh, Billy opens with like little twigs.

Little twigs. Little twigs. So you like pick the lock. You're like, you see like the orc like out of the corner of your eye and you just like, oh my God, oh my God, click. And then the lock pops and you're able to get in through the door. There's like a bed and there's like a door. There's like a bed and there's like a door. There's like a bed and there's like a door. There's like a bed and there's like a door. There's like a bed and there's a chest of drawers.

And there's there is a very cool series of shelves that have like a collection of some really weird things on them. Like a black metal gauntlet and like a skull and like a beautiful crystal orb that like is floating above this little metal disc. That's just like a cool little shelf of dope stuff. And you hear the footsteps coming. And as they're about to pass the door, you hear, and you hear click, turn as the doorknob starts to turn on the door. What do you do?

I'm going to jump on the bed and pretend to be a fur pillow. Okay. All right. Give me a defy danger charisma. Cause there's nowhere to hide. Yeah. Eight. Okay. Um, you hop up on the bed, curl up in a little raccoon ball and like scuttle yourself into a corner between some pillows. And, uh, the orc like walks into the room and she goes, what do we have here? Uh, uh, dropped the mayor's metal case full of like the pipe weed cigarettes.

And she like crouches down, picks up the mayor's like metal case, turns it over in her, in her hands and sees the little EB on it or whatever boggins. She turns around, walks out, closes the door. Right. Well, yeah, oh man, that was intense. So Billy's like a really tense little ball right now. And he's just like, Oh, and then like all of his like fat kind of like sex. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Oh, you broke my heart and my dick and my balls and my legs and my knees and my hymen and my hymen and my other hymen ellison you took it all ellison you made my heart go into a toilet okay okay we cut so then we're back to billy like cutting back like cutting to the common you guys are like losing everybody is just loving it so we're so sweaty billy you are on the bed of maggie's room and you have free reign okay um I'm gonna look around there's like a there's like a chest of drawers and there's a there's like a straight up chest chest with like a hinge like where she might keep some more valuable stuff oh I'm gonna go that chest actually okay yeah so do you want to roll trap expert yeah I'm gonna do that so it's a 2d6 plus dexterity nine is there a trap here and if so what activates it yeah you peer into the like hole of the lock and you see the usual tumblers and the usual like turning mechanism but then you do see a tiny little switch and you don't know what the trap would do but you do know that it is trapped okay maybe I won't do that right now um so I'm gonna what I mean you could always try and you could still try and open the the uh the lock but you do know that if you were to fail like it would activate a trap of some kind I know but I don't want to get trapped yeah fair point fair point sometimes you gotta spend money to make money that's true I'm gonna I'm gonna try open it all right what am I so yeah that'll be the trade tricks of the trade yes nice yes 13 whoa nice nice fuck yeah 13 that's pretty high uh you open the lock in the right sequence with your little twigs but you don't set off the trap and um you just hear like a click and the top is able to swing right open so I like get on my tippy toes and I look inside yeah underneath like at the very bottom like buried under some clothes is a little uh leather journal oh yes that I take okay and oh yeah I can't read though you can't oh my god so I'm gonna take it with me though and I'm gonna see if thing can translate it okay so I put I put that in my little like pouch yep and I look elsewhere in the other trunk or whatever it is oh there's like a chest of drawers okay I'll look in that yeah I'm gonna detect a trap first okay yeah go for it oh no three plus five five five so that is a failure so mark down a thing um yeah you don't think there are any traps here oh no should be fine you already got something what did you get again sorry I was writing a leather journal yeah she got a journal oh oh that's a good cat it is a good cat you don't want to lose it to the best knowledge of fat billy there are no traps here uh well billy are you are you just opening the chest because he like he would because he'd be like oh no no there's no locks either this is just like this is just like a dresser oh no jesus jones there's probably not a trap no no traps oh not as far as billy can tell but I know there's gonna be a trap can I do tricks of the trade to open this or does it is it no there's no you should just be able to okay so I just like gingerly open it open so it's like drawers like it's a series of drawers one of the drawers like so you open the bottom drawer and you're pulling it out and you hear like a snap and uh you just get sprayed in the face oh just like oh right in your face no it doesn't well it's in your eyes no so that sucks but uh it doesn't it doesn't hurt per se besides ow there's something in my eyes oh like what so what does billy do when that happens well he like rubs it like off his eyes yeah so you rub and you pull your hands down and they're just covered in red ink oh uh oh oh no she's um so I'm gonna go in that trunk and I'm gonna rub my face on the clothes you're just gonna rub yeah because I know what this is for yeah you're like wiping it off and it's like not totally coming off like you're getting us it is coming off on the clothes but it's not all coming off it's just like just fucking ruin everything in the room okay so so what's your goal here just to make it look like it got wrecked well I'm definitely gonna open a couple more drawers uh-huh look for a key oh I can't say anything I'm gonna say yeah listen yeah real quick to the comment room and when you're ready hey down my way down my balls it makes me feel like a man a man a man a man a man a man when your bat wings wrap around my body makes me feel like a bird of prey she's being preyed upon upon the wings of a fucking bear oh fuck yeah is this is this a song about how tacoma lost his second virginity to a sex demon a succubus a succubus a succubus this whole time it's been a song about a succubus he almost died it almost killed him but he can't forget her she let she left because I was too needy she was a sex demon so you can imagine okay back to back to the room billy's just opening drawers what's in them uh clothes man oh fuck this okay so I I like scurry over the shelves and I look around and like is there I'm gonna discern the realities what are you discerning discerning me you guys okay so so it would make like instead of discerning like you can discern this whole situation like this room as it is I'm I'm already okay I'm gonna be caught yeah okay so I take two big breaths to calm down yeah and then I look around and I'm like is there anything that I should actually pay attention to okay yeah yeah okay oh nice with what uh wisdom nine okay so you get one question yes uh what here is useful or valuable to me um all the stuff on the shelves you figure would be valuable in some way um you don't know like you're not a history buff or anything like that but you know that if you were to steal this and sell it to the right person money's not really like the biggest thing oh so money's not even valuable to him well it's like got something to do with it um valuable it's not as like top thing okay um so what is a value what is a valued ability more than money like practical stuff things that are things that are comforting okay things that are things that are comforting things that are personal personal things that are comforting and things that are personal so um you're looking at all the stuff on the shelf like black metal glove like weird old knife like floating crystal ball and you're just like I don't know.

Nah, forget that stuff. But you pull out the softest and the most smooth-feeling piece of fabric. It's like a little blanket, and it's so nice. Oh, my God. It's just the finest weave. The thread count's got to be in the thousands. It's so nice. Yeah, it's so good. You get it at a HomeSense or a Bed, Bath & Beyond. And not even on sale. You've got to pay full price for this thing every time. None of that one-in-drugs bullshit. It's so nice. It's like a nice… Is it silk? You don't even know.

It feels like silk, but it's not shiny like silk. I bet it's Merino. What's the color that Billy associates the most with comfort? Like green. It's like the nicest, richest forest green. And it's so soft and warm. Oh, Billy's taking that. Oh, yeah. Billy doesn't even put it in his bag. He tucks it under his shirt so it can rub against… Against his little tummy. Billy's so weird sometimes. Billy's having private time right now. You don't get to see this. Yeah, so that's…

You got your nice, beautiful fabric. And the journal and my red face. And the journal and your red face and hands. Is there anything to cover my face and hands? You could pull your raccoon thing down. Yeah, I'm going to pull my raccoon thing down. I'm going to… Does she have any gloves? Small gloves? Not small gloves. She doesn't have gloves. Does she have any doll's gloves? Does she have any sweet doll's gloves? Halflings are already half as big as a normal person. Are there any…

They're half as big as a halfling. Socks? Yeah, sure. She's got socks. Okay, I'm going to grab two socks and I'm going to stuff them on my hands. Okay, great. And I'm going to run down and I'm just going to, like, wave at the other guys on stage. Defy danger dexterity. 11. Shit. Okay, yeah. So that's… You're sneaking downstairs? Yeah, so I trot downstairs and I, like, wave my little hands at them. So you, like, slink down. Yeah. No one sees you.

You're creeping through legs and tables and chairs and stuff like that. And then, yeah, you, Ving and Tacoma, you see Billy, like, waving. He's looking at you. Red face. Ragged. Terrified looking. With two socks on his hands. Yeah. Two socks on his hands, like, waving. Like, guys, I got it. Jesus. And we're singing this song and we're like, what the fuck? I don't see Billy because I have my eyes closed doing the sweetest harp solo. Yeah, totally. Oh, yeah, this whole song's been sung to a harp.

Yeah. So can you do the harp solo with your mouth? Yeah. And then can I finish up the song? Yes, you can. You wanted to steal my soul because you are a succubus. But you stole my heart and you left me alone because you said I wanted too much. Listen. People are crying. I know this priest is killing you. Listen. My love was true. My love was true. So there was, like, silence. You could hear a pin drop on this dirt floor. And slowly just. Yeah. Yeah, man. It was like, what?

It almost starts clapping. Yeah. All right. We're going to be selling records in the back right by where those orcs are. The album's called Pussy Rage. It's like it's five gold coins each congregate there. Everyone. Everybody congregate. Rushes. Yeah. Rushes towards the orcs. The orcs like stand up and they're like, what the fuck? And those orcs are selling our albums. Okay. Defy Danger Charisma. You can aid Ving because you're part of the entourage. Nine plus two. Nine plus two. Eleven. Sweet.

You don't even have to. I'm Aiden. Yeah. All right. We're also selling fly swatters. Six plus one. Seven. Fly swatters. With our band's name on it. Say Pussy Rage on them. All right. Great. Yeah. And they all crush against the orcs. They're like, oh, man, that was amazing. That was the best thing I heard in my life in 30 years. Everyone's humming their version of it. It's like, you know what? This is the Fugmans came. It's out. Wayne had no good music. They hate music. I love that.

They've booked these fellas. Now I'm grabbed. You get the idea that the Fugmans control entertainment in Mudlark, which is unrelated. So you guys are able to get them to go over to the side of the room and you're able to slip out without anybody noticing that you're leaving and you are outside and Fat Billy. What's Fat Billy doing? Fat Billy was hiding in a bush. Do you like signal? He like he peeks his little head out at them. Yeah. It looks like he's covered in blood. Jesus Christ, man.

Are you okay? Billy? Billy, no. What happened? And then I dropped my eyes. I'm like, Billy, please don't die. No. He shakes me. I turn into a kangaroo and put you in my pouch. Perfect. This is great. Kangaroo? You can't turn into a kangaroo? There's kangaroos up north. What? They're ice gurus, man. That sounds magic. Sorry, man. You're going to turn into a kangaroo? No. You can't turn into a kangaroo. Billy, please don't die. I'm fine. I'm fine. No, please. We need oxygen blood here.

Oxygen blood. Oxygen blood. No. Don't draw attention. Don't draw attention, you guys. We got to go. Are you okay? Yeah, I'm fine. We got to go. Why are you bleeding so much? I'm not bleeding. Where did you go? Did you see our song? It was Ebbing. Yeah, man. We have to go. We have like five minutes, I think. Okay. Before she notices anything. Okay. We just have to tell you four minutes of things. Okay. So does Billy show them the journal thing? Yeah. Okay. I don't show them my silk blanket.

Yeah, totally. That's for me. You look like you put on weight. I might have. Okay. Should we get out of here? Can we go somewhere private before I show you guys this? Yeah. You can just go behind a building. Yeah. Okay. So pull up the journal. I'm like, Bing, I need you to help me read this. Ooh. A journal written in English. It is in the common alphabet. It does appear to be in some sort of cipher. So it is in code. But three pages in is the rake symbol. Oh, fuck. I knew it, guys.

I fucking knew it. And I told you. And you doubted. Nobody doubted. And now you can prove. Okay, cool. We believe you. You have the journal of Megan Cole. Muckraker. It is unfortunately in a code of some kind. We have to find out how to decrypt this journal. Maybe we should try and find Gary. All right. Force him to tell us how to decrypt it. Because I can't think of a single other person we've met that would maybe have that information. How do we find Gary? I'm going to put out a request.

I'm going to ask for some help. Yes. Well, I think there's like a direction post that way. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm going to go there and I'm going to go carve a little symbol on there. Great. Yeah. Okay. Can you describe the symbol? There's like a triangle for man. And I'm going to write the G in the common language. Because I know like some letters. You know some letters. Yeah, totally. It looks like the Masonic letter. Okay, cool. Oh, I don't know what that is. Yeah. So 2D6 plus charisma.

Okay. Okay. Eight. Eight? Yeah. Okay. So on a seven to nine, you'll have to settle for something close or it comes with strings attached. Your call. I'll get something close. Something close. Okay. So you carve the little symbol into the signpost. You leave for a while. You come back. And that kid that Tacoma has been scaring this whole time, every time that you've done anything in this town, is like standing by the signpost. Very trying to seem real cool. Guys, maybe I should just go alone.

Tuck. Yeah. Thanks. Yeah. It's probably not a good idea if I go with you. So I'm going to wander up like really cash. Really like. And I'm just going to take like a little. You know, a little like look around. Looky Lou. I'm like, so. Are you waiting for anyone? Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Are you waiting for anyone? I don't know. I could. Maybe. Yeah. Maybe. Maybe I am, too. Okay. Well, what do you have for me? What do you have for me? What? Sorry. I didn't. That's not how this works, man.

You're right. You're right. I'm sorry. I forgot. I was getting really into the whole subterfuge angle. So you're looking for Gary, huh? Yeah. I might know where he is. Where he is. Okay. Um. I can't do it alone, though. Well, who do you need? Me? I need someone with a particular set of skills. Like me? Or someone. Well, you have to be more specific. You. I need. You got to do it. What do I have to do, man? Okay. I can see this is not. I'm getting really confused. I'm sorry.

I'm just really excited. It's been a while since somebody's used this post. Okay. Okay. Okay. So before we do this, I want to know your name. My name is Billy. Billy. All right. You can call me Fat Billy. That's what everyone else calls me. Fat Billy. What's. It's. It's. It's. It's fitting. No offense. It's okay. I understand. And he like puts his hand out to like shake your hand. What's your name? He says. Well. Okay. Don't tell anybody I told you this, but. Okay. Well, it's my name.

So I guess a lot of people know. But I'm. My name's Mears. Mears. Mears Foulsmith. Foulsmith. You. You hang out with those two guys, right? Yeah. And I'm really sorry. Chuck's just. I'm really. I'm not like. He's got something going on. I can. Cut to me. Cut to me. Yeah. Cut to Chuck. I'm trying to do backflips. All right. Check it out. I know the last two didn't work, but I think. I think once I clear the blood out of my nose, I can get this one. I'm stuffing poultices. Stop the bleeding.

He might seem a certain way, but really deep down. He's like less weird. Still weird, but not as mean. He's just really. She's got a lot going on. He's so scary. Yeah. He's huge and scary. Okay. Anyways, I can't. I can't bring you Gary, but I can tell you where Muckrakers hideout is. Where? Tell me. It's in the Rex. What is that? The Rex is a neighborhood on the edge of town where all the boats used to be. Until the river dried up and the lake went away. And now it's just a bunch of boats.

Muckrakers in a boat. The biggest one in the biggest one in the Rex. Can you take us there? I can. But I want in. That's the end of this session. Thanks for joining us. I've been your host, Sean O'Hara. And playing with me as always is Paul. Well, I mean, you're going to drink. Do you have a family? Abdul. Abdul. Everybody look at me. And Jessica. Oh, fuck this. Okay. So I like scurry over the shelves and I look around and like, is there, I'm going to discern the realities.

And thanks to our producer, Wes, for doing all this and making it work and making it happen. Yeah. He's doing a. Like a thumbs up, but like a moving. No, he's doing like detonations. Oh yeah. Like blowing up stuff. Oh, like fireworks. Yeah. Oh, he's shooting. Mime. Silly string. Squirt. Squirt. Squirt. Squirt. Squirt. Squirt. Squirt. Squirt. Squirt. Squirt. Squirt. Squirt. Thanks to hecklers for letting us use the Raffish Lounge. Yeah. I've been your host, Sean O'Hara. See you next time.

And so ends the tale of adventures three, who tried the best they can. Though dumb and scared and lost they be, for time's abreast in revelry. And though our journey may be like a conclusion. We will not leave you without a resolution. Return next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores. And for you I'd gladly spout more.