Episode 8 – The Test

Now the round friends let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold A brute to draw it and a thief who is but not years old You know them by name, you know them by death their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is put sharing Tuck as the brute, you know Zadda's home, you lost your sing and find Fingers at the healthy, shifts in shape and wields us near with great mind The early Zithith is tiny, sized as mass the largest heart Best in rest, they may not be but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends and listen close For the tales about history Hello everybody and welcome to Speltlore I'm your game master, Shanohera Joining me is always playing Fat Bly the Halfling Thief Jessica Ty Hello Playing Ving the Half Elf Druid Paul Oppers Hello there Playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian of Dual Aziz Fuck you, yeah, hi What?

No, fuck you, you said his name a weirding spell No, no, no, let me do that good Alright, hi There we go Can I get a second read? Hello Hello Let's all do our favorite accents Yeah, howdy Hello Good, good Oh, uh oh I should have guessed, I really should have known I knew that your accent was going to be Yoda Save it, save it, save it What? What?

Uh, when last we left our heroes They explored the green pillar After being set upon by a hulking mossy form Ving using his quick thinking and his ability to control the elements Created a stone maze around the beast Quick but limited thinking Not thinking to perhaps entirely enclose the beast But somehow just give it like a nice summer activity It would have been so funny if the maze was just like Fourth time Yeah, it just depths over it And you're like you're breaking over all of the maze Guys, we gotta go, he doesn't respect the maze You spent all that time making like dead ends Yeah, exactly Oh, good Yeah, and the moss monster just grew over top of it Yeah And the party skittered on through the doorway and down a set of stairs Which was revealed to be a pit covered in a sheet of moss Tuck did a pretty cool John Wick swashbuckler move Jumping across the pit and slamming his axe into the wall so he could hang there Then tie a rope via Ving's harpoon So the other two could swing across It was the perfect plan And it failed so miserably Ving whipped a harpoon through Tuck's hand How's your hand pal?

It hurts still But the pulses are helping quite a bit Did you just put pulses in the hole and then wrap it up?

Yeah, I molded him a new hand I have to pull this Yeah Billy and Ving began to swing across Until Billy realized he was being targeted by the moss monster who whipped a pile of detritus at him Billy Letgo fell down a hole Ving shapeshifted for the first time in a long time Into a big ass snowy owl Catching the sweet baby boy Billy and ensuring that he did not die Ving then turned into a tree Went up the hole, saved Tuck, saved Billy And just carried on as if nothing had happened Thank God For all these weird abilities Yeah, we're two dumbasses And you saved us all Nice shot our friend And in the next chamber they discovered the final resting place of the wizard Aquaria The aforementioned and much discussed moss wizard Who lay in repose, pawn a stone dais in a crystal chamber Being kept alive by nothing but her precious, precious moss And after a big amount of exposition, what were some key things that we learned from Aquaria?

The guy's name was Pete The moss monster's name is Pete, yes There was warlocks Warlocks are a thing Warlocks exist, which she suggested are people that willingly contact the outer dark And take on a piece of it To become powerful Pretty sick, if I do say so myself, pretty cool Really cool What O'Parrell started his life as a man Parrell and Aquaria spent time together? But didn't fuck No, but Parrell did have a pretty active sex function Yeah, apparently Because he was overcome by the…

Because he lived as a man, he ended his mortality in an age where he was just a silly one Also, being a wizard at some point would have been like being a rock star Totally That's probably why he dresses so stupid To the clothes! To the clothes! To the clothes! That's why!

Because he never had to look cool, he was a wizard, people were going to sleep with him anyway Yeah, it's like if you met Gene Simmons, but there was no cultural context for anything that he did or says You're just like, you're such a loser Oh god, if you knew who Gene Simmons was and you met him, you would probably say he was a loser Yeah, totally, he seems like a creep Okay, yeah, so Parrell is a man Aquaria was wounded During the war And is now confined to this chamber for the rest of as long as she wants to be alive And it was a war with the hunters She just referred to the hunters Like it doesn't sound like, at least the way she said it, doesn't sound like it was an organization It was just the people that were like, that's enough, we're gonna kill you And it was across all races and kingdoms and stuff That's one I did sound like it was an organization when she said it Oh yeah, no it wasn't Well, I mean, oh no Who knows, but she did say L's were included and kingdoms of men Kingdoms of the men and then warlocks And warlocks?

Yeah, I'm sure others too Totally, such a fucked up situation if the warlocks, they go to like kings of men And they're like, I have the power to kill the wizard totally in your city Wow, so corrupt Yeah, and it's like the men are making these like shady deals with these shady shady dudes Mm-hmm Where the warlocks now? Who knows?

Maybe they're still around, maybe they all died So she was wounded, she asked to stay here or she'll succumb to her wounds and die The moss is the only thing keeping her alive She says that she came here to hide her knowledge Because she didn't want it to get out, but she also said that she gifted the blue moss to other wizards In an effort to make her knowledge more accessible So she only gives it to people she trusts?

She only gives it to people she trusts I think part of it might be too that it's not like Everything Like the worst texts that she has, she probably left out of the moss She was like, there's some shit that I don't want anybody to read But I also don't want to destroy it because I'm a wizard Mm-hmm And she said that she could help you with Pirelle provided that you proved your worth By traveling to the vault of her tower Overcoming the challenges therein There's got to be some challenges that have to do with our purity of will Yeah, totally Yeah, that we're not Warlocks Warlocks and we're not like people who are like All wizards are bad Oh, like we're not polarizing No, we're nothing Yeah, up there Yeah, we work for five gold coins a day Whatever the job We'll take two Plus expenses And we never get paid I don't think We got them once Oh sick You got paid Oh yeah Well, you shook Dan down Of course You kicked in his hotel room door and you were like Dan fucking pay us Oh man, I miss Dan Yeah, where is he?

I wonder if you ever got back to shore He did He was like 50 meters away But just staring out like a copa notion Eventually he'll turn around be like oh Oh my god A lifeguard probably swam out to him Hey, are you okay? Holy shit You swam so far to save me Thank you Sir, turn around My kid goes by with water wings on Wait, what? And he touches the lifeguard's face as that's having He's like you're in my brain My savior Shall we marry tomorrow at dawn?

He's dehydrated He's been going insane He's a freaking! He's never been the same So the second he got thirsty He was just drinking hand piss and see water This is perfect, I'm right here Oh my god, there's so much water What does that mean?

Water water everywhere Not a drop to drink I can fucking drink this Maybe Dan's the one who came up with that phrase It used to just be water water everywhere Okay, that go down, get the vault She has a thing in there Which he suggested is something that she worked on Which will integrate with Ving somehow And help you get to Parel She gave us a bubble to contain the thing Yes, and he put it in your chest crystal And it integrated with it Yeah, it seems like Ving's body's like taking all comers Whatever you can jam in here when you're in the house He's like taking all comers Whatever you can jam in here, we'll use Paul Wink does Yeah, because it sounded hot Yeah, he'll take all the comers I got a soft nine right now Anything else?

Paul Upper has the half-drewed Go on Fuck machine Yeah, half-drewed fuck machine Oh, she suggested that Tuck had been touched by some darkness Oh, yeah She was unwilling to give you any more information about the warlocks Because she was worried that it would be tempting And she, that's why she's like, you gotta go get your ass kicked Before I can let you into my vault Mm-hmm Because if you are unworthy, then you will be destroyed Yeah, and the first test was a leap of faith Getting her trust Yeah, the second test was a leap of faith Oh, right Yeah And that is where we find our heroes now Falling down a hole Whoa, whoa, whoa We put Billy above us Yeah, we put Billy above us Yeah, we grab onto a cheek Like a rifle in Vietnam Yeah I don't think it's really good to do anything I hand Go on, bud You fall in this huge like cushion I knew it, she wouldn't hurt us Is Tuck's ax lit up?

Yeah Okay, then yeah, you fall in a huge pile of moss Oh cool Huge You know when you're like in a waterbed and you're trying to move Oh yeah You're pushing into it but not really getting around too much And you're just in this big pile of moss I'm gonna say thank you the moss Mm-hmm And I'm gonna start crawling my way down Yeah, so you pat the moss, they thank you moss And you start moving forward and you realize That the moss doesn't feel as soft as it did a second ago Mm-hmm And then you realize you can't really move your fingers that much And then you all start feeling numb Oh no No, no, no Oh, um I'm gonna get off the moss Uh, Ving, it's at this point That the mud and grit on your joints starts hardening up Oh, oh you guys I can't move harder to move Oh, oh And then your sink, so your joints are locking up because of the mud And then you're losing feeling in your limbs because of the moss What the fuck?

What does the room look like? It's so it's a pretty big chamber The light from your axe doesn't reach the edges Oh, okay, so we just see moss We just see moss all around At least like, you know, 20, 30 feet on either side It's just moss Okay, just certain realities Yeah, just certain realities With the axe Yeah, I wanted to certain realities Okay 2d6 plus Wisdom Okay Nine Cool So you get one question from the list What is useful or valuable to me?

Okay, yeah, you see you I don't know how you do this, but you're just like really looking around like oh my god How do we get out of here?

Willing, terribly or yet to be brighter Okay, yeah, so the crystals Boomboomboomboomboomboombo Yeah, and you see Ahead of you 60, 70 feet away Is a doorway Okay That's literally the only other feature in the room Okay It's almost entirely full of moss The moss I crawls up some of the walls to the ceiling Like it's this huge nest of moss So are we just numb or are we paralyzed?

You're becoming paralyzed Oh no You're numb right now Ving is probably going to become paralyzed pretty soon Can I Is it possible to use evasion? I mean there is a move that lets you know more about things Oh duh But you guys always Spout lore That's the name of the show Yeah Immediately tech was just like what is going on? Not what do I know? Alright Sean, can I spell lore? Yeah, that cool 2d6 plus intelligence I think you get a plus one because of Tuxdissern reality Okay, so 7, 8 plus what?

Intelligence Well, 8 Then Okay, something interesting but not useful Aw Okay, I would say that they as carnivores Have to have some degree of intelligence However primitive Which you have heard means they also fear things They fear alcohol? Yeah Things that burn obviously Burn? Yep, probably fire? Fire Should I just use a skate route and apply it to everyone? Escape route, that's a perfect move Well, can I apply it to everyone?

I don't want to just be the only one to live Well, read a skate route Okay, when you're into deep and need a way out Name your escape route and roll plus dexterity On 10 plus you're gone On a 7 to 9 you can stay or go But if you go it costs you So it's perfect Yeah, so it's perfect to get Billy out I mean, I got to save my friend I know, but one of you being free is better than none of you being free Should I just do it?

Yeah, I think because you're being numb It's going to be two rolls, unfortunately Okay There's going to be a defy danger dexterity to even move quick enough Okay So 2d6 plus dexterity Please Uh 9 Okay, 9 Can we aid it with it?

Yeah, I guess you could if you can come up with a way We held him up when we landed True So you're being held a law I'll accept that You got less moss juice on you Okay Well, that guy Alright Shit Uh I'm being Roll a d6 2 Okay, you feel Burning As the moss starts eating into your flesh What the fuck? You take two points of damage I guess because he's wood So it like It's more sensitive Oh yeah, you're still a tree I'm still a tree Can you become on a tree?

You have a home You have a hole How many holds do you have left? What could you use this for? I could use this thing to Flame on!

Not as a tree Let's do Billy's escape route first Oh my god Let's resolve Burning up over here That's not a thing that trees do naturally Uh, okay, so Yeah, Billy, you still get a 7 to 9 I'll say that you can roll the escape route But you're gonna take some damage too from the moss Fine 8 Okay, so roll a d6 First Oh shit 5 damage As this moss just You feel a burning in your calf Oh As you start running So does Billy just like bound across Like skitter across the moss My feet and like little calves are so red Yeah You get to the other side And you like get to the doorway where the moss ends Yeah And you get there and you realize it's like a 4 foot layer of moss And you're like Oh my god, that hurts so much I hope they're okay And then you realize it still hurts And there's a patch of moss clinging to your calf Oh, get off And it's still burning Oh, can I tear it off?

We're gonna go to Vang Okay, never mind What's Vang's plan? Mmmmmm Grow into the ceiling I'm gonna send some roots up and sink them into the ceiling Get out of this thing Can I take tech with me?

You can spend the hold to grow into the ceiling And get out of this, I will say yes I will say that you can't grab tech yet Cause you're still feeling all fucked up Yeah, great Okay You know what Vang's pretty good too You reach up and just grow out of the moss And adhere yourself to the ceiling So you're just Ha, ha, ha, ha An upside down birch tree Yep Sick Great Talk you see that happening, what do you do? Can I use war cry to intimidate the moss?

We did say that it does feel fear for certain things That's why I planted that seed Earlier Fuck because I was trying to force the story in this tree Yeah, I would be really interested to see you do that And this, I mean, this is how I've done it for everybody else You're gonna have to roll it if I danger first To even move Okay Yeah, okay Defy danger How are you doing it? Can I like power through to try and grab the thing?

Like just be like Yeah, Defy danger strength Oh, you strong boy Twelve There you go Wow So your mighty arm punches through this moss and grabs Vang as he grows into the ceiling It's like a reverse terminator Yeah He pulls your thumbs up out of the moss Ow, fuck Pull it out, pull it out Grab my whole hand, you asshole I jammed it into a random hole And that wasn't random That's a very specific hole Wait, that was in his tree, but He's screaming there Because it's so jarring It's in my tree, but it's in my I'm two knuckles in Oh, man And the thumb doesn't have that many knuckles I know, I'm down to here Wow Nice Hen Mount of Venus deep Mount of Venus You fucking astrological nerd Oh Alright, yeah, so you've been yanked out of this moss You're feeling pretty numb, but you've got an opportunity and some safety I wanna do war cry Alright With a thumb up his butt Yeah, I'm up my friends, but Wow This alone is intimidating, I think I can't believe we're rolling with this, your thumb is up his butt thing Vang's got a war cry going up his own But you're clenching hard, right?

It's true It's true But here's the thing, I think it gives us a plus one on this Vang's been doing the Kegels Yeah, I've been doing my Kegels I think Kegels Is it a strike in your butt? I think it's Kegels Oh, I'm saying it It's not Kegels Jessica, is this not a fantasy world that we're creating?

Sorry, you're right Kegels are for everyone Kegels are for everyone In this word, the human body has a muscle called the Kegel that flexes the blood hole Yeah Mm-hmm Vang's been working on it It's true, to loosen it Yeah So Tuck starts sliding out No, no, no, no Okay, so what is war cry? War cry is when you enter the battle with a show of force Roll, there we go, sorry Of course, charisma You can't enter the battle with a show of force Why not? What's your show of force?

Um, I know what I'm gonna do You have to tell me You have to tell me what you're doing so I can tell you if it applies I'll tell you after I roll No, you can't roll if you don't tell me No, well fuck you, cause it's in my head It's my intellectual property right now I'm the game master, not a game person I wanna remind you that all this time there's a huge thumb up my butt Can we get this rolling literally?

Yeah Yeah, all I'm saying is that if you can't enter the battle with a show of force It doesn't work Okay, I'm gonna piss myself That's not a sh- Yes it is It takes pure power of will to let yourself piss all over yourself And also, cause moss is a plant Which means it communicates through the chemicals that are in water And I've been eating a lot of crab And I've been secretly drinking water Talk you haven't I will not allow this sequence to be You stick your thumb up things ass To save your life and then piss on a monster To win the- Okay, well the first half has already been established In his cannon The thumb is up the butt So now what comes next?

What about my love for you is like a truck? What the fuck? What do you're trying to seduce somebody with a show of force? When you perform a feed of strength Name someone present who you have impressed And take plus one forward with a parlay with them Enrosia Or aqua Enrosia Enrosia If you even, if you literally even just dropped onto the moss And swung your axe Attempting to harm it I could then do work-ry I would like to intimidate the moss How?

Oh shit I can feel myself being worn down I'm not persuaded Worn down I want to piss and shit myself right now As a show of force To intimidate the moss Just please just pick a pick away that makes I want to shit myself Whatever, fine, do it The quality of the game, it apparently does not matter Just do whatever you want I'm being ground down like the stone of ages Oh my god Sick, so it's plus charisma This is embarrassing Fail You fail, fuck you Five plus two is seven, I have a partial success You get a minus one because I'm mad at you No, you're performance anxiety You get a seven, what are you trying, so what did you do And what are you trying to achieve?

I passed You did a number one, you did a number two You did a number one, I did a number two I did a number three, that's a secret one that only tuck knows a bit This is exhausting What? What is number three? Pukes So in what way Would you turn this into an intimidating act?

It's the moss has been in this pristine room this whole time And it's like, oh my Stomach acid Is threatening it and like I have so much salt in my piss and shit It's so much crab meat in my shit I have gunpowder I hate that the like Stomach acid thing makes more sense to me So my enemies feel fear and act accordingly Yeah, your shit and your piss Are so toxic That when they hit the moss The moss pulls back and leaves a circle underneath you Of a shitty pissy or a shitty pissy stone Full bar And it's at this point that you feel yourself piss and shit and bark and you feel the feelings of them passing through you And you realize you have mere days to live You will die within 36 hours No, it's just like, oh my god I can't handle this I know, neither can I, neither can I No, it's so funny So that's what happens There's a bear space beneath you And I say piss to meet you Oh god Shit of the morning to you Shit of the morning to you, thanks And then I, and then Ving, let's go and make a drop back down into the shitty pissy stone Yeah, you land ankle deep in your own piss, shit and bark There's a lot in you I made a sacrifice for all of us Can I just say That Billy's looking across the room That's like Horrified I'm trying to interpret this face It's both humor and anguish Yes, I can't tell This is my dad Yeah I'm like He's such a fucking hypocrite Like, whenever I do that he gets mad at me And now he gets to do whatever Billy's language Sorry Ving, that's the only thing Ving's concerned with right now A mouth forms out of a knot and the tree goes Billy Language?

And so that's the situation Ving is at this point that you turn back into Ving and you fall ankle deep in a tuck's piss and shit Hey, thanks You're welcome I touch him with a shitty hand And that's where you are, you're surrounded by four foot high moss I use the axe as a broom to push my To push the mess that I made Forward to get to Billy on the door Oh my god There is not enough piss and shit in here to get you all the way through the room I think I know how to do it Ving pulls out his jar of gunpowder Here we go Somebody with problem solving abilities So I spread out a line of gunpowder on the ground and get spark Set this thing on fire and This line of gunpowder starts burning slowly smoldering and the moss creeping forward Is pulling back?

Ooh, the moss is definitely pulling back It's being burned, like that section is being burned and pieces of it are starting to flee Billy, are you cool? Yeah, I'm fine, I'm just trying to unlock this door Yeah, Billy, there's a locked door ahead of you Yeah It is very well made I bet tricks of the trade, please Damn Oh, what's it called again? Oh, plus dexterity? Oh, sorry, is that four team? Did I roll a four team in this door?

That's a fucking team That's a fucking team Shit Boom boom boom Hot damn So, let me consult my notes Oh, it's weird, this is just like 64 point text that says I don't like Abdul anymore Sorry for the smell, guys Oh, now it's on fire, too Oh Can we do a cutaway to what Aquaria is smelling up top?

As the shit starts burning From around her bed Yeah, she just goes Also, the room is starting to fill with smoke so we have to get lower down towards the shit Also, the room is starting to fill with smoke so we have to get lower down towards the shit Oh, stupid Oh, wow Here's so here's what happens, Billy You open the door so well so perfectly so subtly That the door opens before the next room has a chance To properly activate Oh, whoa Cool, you got to jump on it And actually you walk into this chamber and Lights around The perimeter of the room start Dink, dink, dink, dink, lighting up And it's a little bit more Dink, dink, dink, dink, lighting up And it's this Surprisingly small chamber Like it looks like it's 15 feet on either side 30 feet long 15 feet, a door But what you do notice, Billy, because of your resounding success Is the shit smoke from the other room Billows into this room And as soon as it passes the threshold of the door You see it start bending in weird ways So rooms start bending?

No, the smoke starts going at right angles And like diagonals all over the place And you see a little tiny plaque Set just inside the door What does it read? It reads Designed by Morris Waj Master of Arcane Architect Don't go! Oh my God And now it's at this point Billy, you feel the like Womp, Womp, Womp as the magical energy starts to ramp up Oh, um, should we follow the smoke? Is it guiding us? Can you say that that gets you a plus one to your first role To figure this out?

Can you do a trap expert to figure this out?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Trap expert, let's get a 14 again 11 Another success Boy, sorry No, no, cuz the British are always like they feel really superior To everyone Remember, that's what Billy does when he's trying to act superior People too Oh right, yeah, he always does a British accent Making this dungeon his little bee Yeah, totally Yeah, we're talking, we're like, he's really feeling his oats right now Oh hello, talking thing I already opened the door, don't even worry about Hold on to your piss and shit, boys Guess you already didn't Ooh, roasted Alright, go Let's crack on lads And then he just stumbles into the next one Great, so Yeah, you get three questions from trap expert Oh, first question, is there a trap here And if so, what activates it?

Yes it is, and entering the room What does the trap do when activated? You feel This room magically Is much, much larger than it looks Oh And you can feel the energy Of like space and time basically being directed In a very strange pattern It's amazing Okay, so what else is hidden here?

You see in the middle of the room A small Plinth that rises about four or five feet off the ground With a large brass key that's sticking up out of the plinth I think it's way cooler if it was like a stone like puzzle That's not what it is It could have been so much cool in looking Yeah, it could have been Moriswedge isn't really interested in that This is an argument that Moriswedge had with a clarion Yeah, be like a puzzle box, shouldn't you shut the fuck up?

It's like this is my prison And this is, yeah, this is my puzzle Once you're a master of arcane architecture You can choose what the button looks like in the middle What's that? What's that? I can't hear you from your crystal coffin Fuck Sean, good A tarnished brass key Is it brass key in a plinth in the middle of the And then you turn it and something happens Can we just follow the smoke?

I feel like it's leading us The smoke's gonna dissipate It's not gonna go all the way there I had an idea to turn into water And try and fill the chambers with water And it would just fill up to the dead ends But then also would find the exit So you're trying to turn into like a bunch of water to fill the chamber?

Yeah Interesting idea This is perfect because I smelled terrible Plus we need to wash things out of there It's a good bath Okay, yeah, go ahead and roll shapeshift Can you shake those with wisdom? Holy shit! 12 12, you guys are rolling out of control Now that there's like puzzles and shit This is what your strong suit is Is puzzles for some reason?

Yeah I solved a puzzle by shitting it Yes, you certainly did And you called it a strong suit Transitive property, you approve of what I did Don't fucking touch me Wash your hands Alright, yeah, so you turn into water? Yeah, yeah, you blows up like a vrugazalt You just Mmmmmm So you're a Humanoid water thing?

Oh, I thought you were just But then I go into the first And then he jumps up in the iron CATEBAL That's his knees lands at the mouth of the maze Whoa, cool And out of that splash is just Bugishing a bunch of water So from where you tour standing, Billy and Tuck It looks like the chamber just starts filling with water But Ving from your perspective, you're traveling like acres Like it's just You're whipping around right angles You're going upstairs, downstairs, back and forth It's like a water park at the mall Yeah, you feel things moving in the maze And you're just whipped around As you slowly start figuring out the Design of this place And it is massive Holy shit, how are we going to get everyone through this?

What if you make a current? Yeah, that's cool That's really cool I'll make a current out of shit How do you like it motherfucker?

Cool, yeah Yeah, I get to do that aside Wow, shapeshift is a really powerful move Yeah, it's a bit of a dais You guys should probably still roll for it I guess because there is danger, yeah You have to hold your breath, Ving felt things moving In the maze I bet there's dead ends Yeah, there is definitely dead ends I'm at the key You're at the key It stands before you, a stone plinth with an ornate brass key Sticking out of a keyhole at the very top I say this is pretty fucking lame and I try and turn the key What do you mean, I make a vortex and turn it?

Okay, then I don't think that you could do it powerfully enough to turn a key in a lock Okay, I will I'm just saying, I can't give it all to you like that I have never seen Paul roll his eyes that hard I know, I feel like you guys are not respecting my authority No, I respect Full respect You lost it when you made it a stupid key You said something super cool, you know I think you lost it when you let Abdul shit his way out of the room Oh trust me I know Okay, can I use one of my holds to make the current so I can get tuck and Billy to me At least to the key Totally, I would like Billy to be able to be there for trap expertise Oh yeah totally, but you guys are gonna have to roll defy danger Of some fashion tell me how to make sure that you don't get like fucking dashed against the side of one of these walls I think mine would be constitution You're just gonna take it?

Yeah, I'm just gonna get fucking your ass kicked off I'm gonna go limp and just let whatever happens happens Okay, yeah, go for it 2d6 plus constitution for tuck Ooh, baby Five plus three days Oh, yeah, okay Roll a d10 for me Five Okay I think what happens is you lose sight of Billy almost instantly as you're getting rushed along and you're traveling For it feels like miles in our in rapids And you go around one corner and standing in front of you is this towering Armored figure with armor with these like maze-like designs on it And it reaches down with this spear that accordions back and then forward and just stabs you in the chest Fuck!

And then the current just grabs you and is like nope not that way And you just get swept around a corner and pulled away Take five damage? Five damage piercing, so the whole thing Billy, how are you doing it? I'm gonna get on my back and float use my fat to my advantage because fat floats So what do you what's out of you using?

Dexterity to float Maybe you're shaping your body so you're moving with the current Yeah, and when you like when Billy would see he's going a weird way He would like like grab a edge or kick off a flop instead of tuck It's cutting back and forth between us and Billy's like And then tucks just like He's tumbling so much Billy's just doing soft circles Little kid kicking It's kind of like when he would play in the river Yeah totally swirling his hand So I also got eight Okay, I really get to the same thing like tuck gets pulled out of that corridor with the maze guardian And he sees Billy for a second getting pulled into that corner He's like no no no no Billy's already there and yeah roll a d10 10 10 10 10 Oh my god Holy shit What are you at?

Six Fuck That's not good So I think it's it stabs it tuck It's pulled it's like accordion spear out as you come around the corner and it sees you And it's like again really really tall And it stomps forward and slices along your body And I'm literally crying and like sad baby tears And I'm bleeding a lot And I don't really care about floating anymore And yeah tucking Billy you after like minutes Like a long time of being pulled along you wash up like in front of this key I'm unconscious Oh Billy's yeah They come in the room and Ving's ready to high five I'm like what did everyone have fun?

Billy? Billy? Billy? Are you turning back into Ving? Yes Smoosh shit they just dropped to the ground Yeah I use my Pultas herb I heal seven Ooh This takes time too Like the Pultuses take a while It's like applying medicines and stuff Okay How much time? Like 20 minutes? Yeah 20 minutes to the point we're in the distance you hear like Thump Thump Clang Clang Oh I wake up to that Oh I'll be fine. Where are we going now? I don't know. Do you want a trap?

No Oh yeah I guess I should so I'm very bleary but I'll do it Trap expert Eleven Is there a trap here and if so what activates it? There is a trap here And what activates it is turning it the way keys are normally turned Oh and I see I'm like Things stop don't touch it I'm just gonna do it normal No no no no that's a problem It's just gonna do it the normal way it's fine I've done this a million times What does the trap do you inactivated?

What the trap does is it drops four walls in the room that you're in and reveals something Oh You get the idea that it is Dangorous Yeah What else is hidden here? You are looking at this dias like there's got to be something else And you find a panel that slides away Oh Revealing a small wooden puzzle box Oh No that's more like Can I grab it?

You can Okay I take that out Yeah And as you pull it away you see another little metal plaque behind it Set into the into the stone of the dias it says nice work Thanks Cool cool Cool So it's like a gift from Morris Could say it seems like it is in another house. Sorry. Yeah. Oh puzzle box house is a cool idea We don't know what it is. We'll figure it out later. Do you still have that puzzle or to choke? I do maybe we should make them kiss see what happens there.

Smash them up So Billy you're standing on top of the dias now looking at the key and you're like what's the trick here? There's got to be some sort of magical danger and you're like oh wait and you turn it counterclockwise and It's just a room again. Oh the whole maze dropped away in an instant Hold it up cool Okay, actually maybe that's a cooler description. You see the wall start folding in oh yeah Oh, it's clacking.

Yeah, yeah, and they fold into themselves and then they fold into the into the floor Oh, yeah, and then we see like like panels closing. Yeah, totally So cool. Yeah That's really neat. You've solved Morris Wages maze puzzle Sweet. So there's another door This one is not locked And it opens into a much physically larger chamber Is it like a massive beautiful library? It's shaped like that. It has like the cathedral ceilings But there's no books Is it like Christchurch Cathedral?

Yeah, it's surprisingly tall you get the idea that maybe Morris Put a little juice into this one because it shouldn't be able to hold this tower But you see something that seems very unmorris wag In the middle of this room you see a large ornate stone statue of a frog Pearl So Morris and Pearl must have helped Yeah Her either escape or design this as like a last resort Maybe they were like friends Well they she was she said she was friends with Pearl and I bet they were the ones who built all this to keep her safe I wonder if they saved her after she was hurt or if like they worked together And she was like I feel like the end is coming soon and I need a safe sound Maybe they were both in love with her and that's why they don't like each other Or maybe they did it each other It was suggested when you when Pearl first saw that portrait that him and Morris have a past This is more interesting to me than the warlocks That'd be really cool if they're both in love with her And they be grudgingly worked on this together Oh yeah she brought them together They thought like my puzzle room will be better than yours I'll save her more than you will Yeah you'll have to get it out of one of them probably One of them?

Aquaria or Pearl? Oh okay So okay what else you see in this room is in each of the four corners There's a stone lily pad Just a few inches off the ground on a mechanism of some kind You glimpse a doorway behind the frog That's the last doorway probably The door is like slam seal shut No holes, no handles It looks like it's set into the wall and floor And in the far right corner going all the way up this cathedral ceiling into a crack in the wall is blue moss Is it well lit in here now?

Yes sorry lights come on around the perimeters of this room as well and it's crystal globes But the light and the shadows on the cathedral like masonry and stuff is very beautiful I smash one of those globes I take the crystal and say I want some crystal You smash the globe and you realize the globe was the crystal and it winks out Oh fuck Come on man I'm sorry There's one last time that was just in the thing No more of that How big is the globe? Fist sized?

Okay I just take one of the other ones It's adhered to the pole that it's like Everything's stuck together Can I crack the pole off? Yeah, okay The crystal winks out Fuck! I'm getting darker I'm getting darker I'm trying to put it back on No no no it's good it's good it's good Vang can you take away the axe? Give me the axe Go get it back at the end of the venture Okay here you go Thank you Shit this thing's fucking heavy Billy your danger sense starts going off You look up You see it Pardon me?

This is the danger sense This is the mush nose And you look over at the moss and it starts moving Oh man Aquarium It breaks that lily pad And the moss starts pulling that stone into itself And it starts slithering across the floor to the frog statue Oh shit And so yeah it's like Pete has started to grab things around the room Oh my god can we make fire again?

Pete it is us Friends of your moms I know your mom I'm your mom's friend Your mom's friend Ving You just shifted into uncle and mushroom Yeah it's totally And it keeps moving towards the statue I tossed tuck his axe Yeah You're gonna need this I grab it Thanks Oh Oh Billy you see they're doing this like ornate annoying handshakes Guys Sorry You look behind at the sheet of Pete moving towards And you see a ripple of moss pull back And whip a huge chunk of stone at them Whoa Duck Defy danger Yeah to fight danger dexterity Defy danger Duck Seven Ten Tuck gets hit Slam You just get nailed like in the hip Instead of full on Fuck Can I I can't reason with Pete We already tried Pete's not reasonable Actually here's something that I'll give you As the moss moves off of the lily pad Thing that it broke The whole frog statue spins 45 degrees The lily pads control the statue I'm not gonna tell you Can we discern realities maybe?

The mechanism Does somebody want to do it? So who has the most waste? I have plus two So you do it Okay I think there's those lily pads over there We just need to find a way around Fuck Fuck Fucking holy Snake ass Snake ass How is this?

Fucking fuck I'm good at that kind of rolling We have head for snake ass That's unbelievable Okay I think what happens is Pete reeks more havoc Upon the puzzle The sheet of moss has grown up Over the frog statue now And you hear crack crack Crunch As it starts coming apart And the frogs arms move into like Arm shapes of moss on either side The stone frog head settles on top of the Humanoid body And it's this like moss Slash frog Like giant basically It's about eight feet, nine feet Tall I'm gonna just attack it So one of the tags that Pete has Is a reach Which means that he's got a longer reach Than you Which means you have to get inside his reach Before you can hit him So how are you gonna do that?

Just gonna let him hit me Okay Two to six plus constitution For defy danger Fourteen He nails you Like he whips a chunk of stone at you From that distance And you just let it glance off your shoulder Yeah I'm running and yeah that's Totally what happens Like I can see it coming at me And it does like Kind of graze a little bit But I'm just like Boom And I keep going Sick That's grace So now you've got You've gotten up in front of this Gigantic Moss monster Yeah What do you do?

I want to smash The largest piece of stone That's a part of it With the axe Yeah, pack and flash Nine Can I aid by shooting an arrow? A volley?

Yeah Oh the harpoon I know I have crystal volleys Yeah he's got like the little Crystal projectiles Shit Cool So yeah two to six plus bond Nice, eight Yes Eight, okay great Roll your damage Five Five You swing your axe at one of the Flanks of frog stone that it Integrated and it just shatters into A million pieces And you slice through this huge chunk You meet some resistances the Mascot's pretty dense in the middle And your axe just comes out the Front of them And it steps back a little bit I want to climb up one of those Like poles to the crystal glows And I want to use that crystal to Like amplify my magic Okay, yeah interesting Defy-danger dexterity to get up there Without like drawing the ire of Pete as you're doing it Okay I'm gonna do a secret Snake ass How in the goddamn shit Holy fuck Tuck in Pete or mixing it up Ving is throwing crystal spikes Billy starts jumping trying to Climb up this wall to grab a Crystal torch And tuck smashes the stone And Pete's arm sweeps down to Pick it back up and just whips it At Billy Like a fucking Trebuchet and Smashes not only the one that Billy's trying to grab But like three or four down the Line to the room Oh no Like it's just smash Scattershot Okay, well I drop to the ground and I start running to the next one Cut to Ving You're right Billy I'm fine, it's just Gang dark If I touch on this lily pad I know that the frog's been taken over By Pete But will it still turn the stone Maybe we can direct Pete by Getting on these lily pads I mean you could go try and touch one I'm gonna go touch on Okay, Defy-danger dexterity to get There without getting nailed Ten Okay, yeah, you dodge a bunch of Ospy Yeah, yeah Tuck, you're standing right in front of it Right in front of Pete and then you Jump on it, it goes click, pops you up a little bit And Pete spins 90 degrees Sick So now he's facing to the side Oh cool, get him in the back of the head Yeah, I'll do a heck and slash Yeah, on the back of his head Seven Okay, so that's deal your damage And he'll deal damage to you Two Okay You slash through like a chunk of his Arm and a piece of stone shatters And some moss falls away And the arm that's facing away from you He pulls into his body and it shoots out the other side And punches you right in the chest Okay, roll a d10 Two Okay, it's not too bad, but you take five damage Billy, what's Billy doing?

I've clambered onto another one Yeah And I'm gonna put my hand Basically just wrap myself around it Yeah, oh sorry, you gotta roll again to like Oh yeah Sturdy Please Holy shit Oh fuck yeah, I got 14 There you go, whoop whoop whoop right up the wall And I really want to make like this big shooting ray Like a magic to like Severe Pete Oh interesting idea Oh I think that instead of it being raised It would be like a more raw field of energy Because Billy's not like a trained wizard He's just Just dumping everything he can into it But these crystals resonate and amplify Magical energy, so that's totally something you can do So 2d6 plus charisma Shit Phil Oh you just felt okay What do you think it feel like it looks like for Billy in this regard?

Oh no, it hits my own crystal through like the Just the bag and I feel it like shatter You know my bag, I'm like fuck It's like you have too much power going to a light bulb Oh yeah, I think like crystals along like closer to Billy overload Oh no, oh no, I like go I have like a one at all Yeah, the one Billy's touching goes bang Oh shit and I followed the ground He loses the one in his pocket Roll a d6 Oh sure now it's How many do you have left?

I have 13 Okay, tuck or no, no ving Yeah, ving What's ving you realize that the lily pad is Still connected to Pete in some way It's connected to the rock parts of him What if like you guys keep pushing it? Keep pushing it because they twist him, right? Yeah, they turn them So what if you guys keep pushing Let's try a couple of the same time too Yeah, yeah Just like fucking hammer button mash the shit out of those And it will give me like openings Can you holler at me to do that?

Billy, ving What?

Keep pushing those fucking lily pads Okay Ving moves off the lily pad and it's like Hey, yeah big Hard and soft pieces shit Over here And then he turns around and Insights Pete's angry Danger dexterity, he whips a bunch of stone at you Eight So then I jump out of the way and onto the thing Okay, you'll be able to press this one Like you like hey you dumb little moss bitch And you jump on the lily pad and press it And Pete spins around Now he's facing away from tuck And he whips a bunch of stone out of a little moss Sudo pod and it shatters the lily pad that you're standing on Oh, so you're not going to be able to use that one again Okay, but tuck this gives you an opening while he's off balance I kind of want to do for the blood God You're initiated in the old ways the ways of sacrifice choose something your gods Value blood gold bones with a like and when you sacrifice those things as per your rights and rituals Role plus wisdom and on a 10 plus the gym will grant you an insight into your current trouble or a boon to help you On a 7 to 9 the sacrifice is not enough and your gods take from your flesh as well Alright, so what does that look like?

So he's what he's going to do is he's going to like start head-butting the rock head of this thing like out of rage and anger Yeah, then it's been so fucking hard and like Billy's taken so much damage Yeah, totally Eight Alright, what's your damage time ten roll a ten? Two Okay, you feel your own nose like crunch a little bit on the rock But a Larry Terry and chatter like Hey man, what's what's going on? Can you guys destroy this fucking rock moss guy?

Moss no rock fuck yeah, you can feel the axe like vibrating your hand like Ooh it finds a frequency of the rock. Yeah, I feel the axe vibrating And I take a big swing can I like smash through one of the rock pieces And yeah, the vibrations propagate through all of Pete yeah and like basically turn all of him into dust All of them yeah, well though all the rock parts the rock parts not all of the rock okay Yeah, so like the head just crumbles away.

Yeah the arms and stuff So now he's just this like kind of unstable pile of moss He's starting to lose his humanoid form.

Uh-huh roll a hack and slash real quick as part of that Five six seven okay roll your damage Ten ooh baby hoo baby baby So you smash those that piece of rock it all just crumbles to dust in his body And he's flopping around trying to like his the torso part of him like flops back And he's trying to stay upright and you just whip your axe right through the middle of him You catch his whole torso section and he falls into two Sections of moss can we like burn him now?

Yes, you could definitely try because there are now two smaller satin two smaller chunks of moss and they're starting to reach for pieces of rock I Want to run in and like what do you call tummy slap? Belly flop tummy slap. Yeah, I'm fucking fired tummy slapping. Oh Shape shift as I'm running. I'm gonna just flame on shape shift fuck. Yeah Baby burn Nice eight You get one I'm gonna let you destroy one pilot moss. Okay.

Yeah, so you're just running as your as I'm starting night Yes, I'm Flames licking off the back getting Boof boof boof, you know, they look bigger fingers so many wild justations Justiculations Justations of fire coming out of my legs and uh, no one one. Yep, and it just is Imulated by your fiery form. I just take in like my making out with it.

Yeah Squeezing in your team banging them boom burn balls burn Birds yeah, I get behind it and I start doing this behind On this is more crude than anything. Oh, yeah, I agree. Yeah, I should fire on it I be fire on our fire And then as you're doing that since that hold is spent you're eventually just ving again Yes, you're humping the air a bunch of fashions, but he's humping the air triumphantly.

Yeah Billy you're like pulling yourself to your feet and you see the last chunk of Pete like crawling towards you across the ground Out of fear I curl up and like send out my last thing of magic that I can okay defy danger charisma. Okay Oh, yeah, sorry 10 okay, so yeah, Billy lets out this.

It's like you're like it's like a distress call like a death whale almost like no Yeah Embarrassing scream as I get into a little ball because I really think I'm gonna die Yeah, and Pete has like reached up like off the ground You see the little like gross moss roots underneath as it flops up and then that pulse of energy make some pull back and Crunch down into himself and pull himself into this like two feet across just pile of moss and he's not moving anymore Yeah, oh the threat of Pete has been eliminated Wow, fuck.

I just walk up to the door on the other side and I start hacking at it Fuck this I don't want to be in parell's room anymore. His room sucks Four paddles that turn to fucking I don't rock statue I'm ranting at everyone as I'm smashing at the four fucking paddles that turn a goddamn statue What the fuck is good about that stupid fucking parell with his tight ass chap is it ready set spaghetti bullshit stupid fucking hat You shouldn't even save him.

We should just like go home Yeah, do you want to go? Piece of shit so we can feel all this I just kick a rock Here's here's what I will say about the room is tuck is destroying it in anger And I guess everybody's just walking around kicking shit over like fucking parell fuck you And so tuck as you're wrecking this place Here's what you guys learn. I'm just gonna tell it to you Because it's so funny because you're in the method of destroying it.

You're learning more about it than you ever could have Yeah, like crazy people taking part of radio Yeah, tuck is smashing the shit out of this door Which as you get closer you realize is carved in the aspect of hanging swamp finds It is made of the same stone as everything else in this tower It looks like the tower was just kind of carved out like a beehive and everything was using this stone And as billy and vanger going around and pushing over lily pads and spitting on shit or whatever Making sure the stupid rooms now are usable.

Yeah and destroying everything you realize that What was supposed to happen was if you pressed the lily pads in a certain order Yeah, the frog eventually would have faced the door and the stone would have transmuted into swamp vines Creating a curtain that you would push through just to get out It was a puzzle except Pete was in here and he ruined the whole thing It was a puzzle that parell was probably really proud of because there's some pretty Slick transmutation gear.

Yes because it involved transmutation and frogs Yeah, exactly and you think the frog statue would have transmuted the door So he would have sent out a beam of transmutation, which is pretty cool Can we do a quick flashback to him explaining it to more centigrade and being like this is really cool It's like so here's the idea is i've created the statue With nodes underneath it that that channel transmutation magic and once the lily pads have been pressed in a specific order The transmutation beam will travel through the statue and turn the door into swamp vines Let me guess what's the statue in the shape of he looks right at query Uh, I haven't finalized the design yet, but I had some ideas.

Mm-hmm It's a frog And Pete is there sitting next to a query is like fucking frogs again Socks This is what Pete sounds like That's Pete's voice when we talk to a query she's like Pete just so you know everything I do is masked Just kind of the way we are So tuck you hack through This door set in this gigantic cathedral wall And you create an opening that the three of you walk through into aquarius personal study What do we think it looks like?

When we crack through like we're hit with light and it's this small like 12 Foot long kind of like maybe Six feet wide room that's arched at the ceiling and there's Book shelves with books and a window at the very edge of like at the end of the wall that we're facing is just all window And a curtain of moss from the outside covers it from what would be the sea of graves and There's like a crystal lounge sort of like seating place that aquaria would have read And you can tell that it would have been like padded with like thick moss, but that's long since died There's like a ratty super aged silk robe that she used to wear A little table with a what would have been a cup of tea and like open books And yeah, kind of like it's sort of like a homey Like if you ever went into one of your professors offices Where it's like there's just like stacks of books and like papers all over the place There's a copy of love and lust on the ottoman next to the chair And it's there's there's also like a tapestry on the wall That like you can see it's like a battle When tuck looks at it, he recognizes it as like being very similar to the tapestry that was on the wall of maggie's office and the What was the name of that?

Oh the clear water in the clear water Yeah, there was like a tapestry there that had a battle on it too and it's like kind of the same And it's like clearly like a magic battle happening there Yeah, and in the middle of the room is a small pedestal with I Roughly cut dome crystalline dome like a bell jar Over a very bright blue Small chunk of moss is brighter than the other stuff.

It's like and it's emanating of soft blue light Sweet So you step forward to the bell jar You remove the glass and you pick up the ball of moss and you bring it close to your chest and the crystal of the Terrarium that aquaria gave you opens and reaches for the moss As you place it inside and it closes around it And as you remove it from the pedestal the curtain of moss on the crystal window at the other side of the room parts And reveals the expanse of the sea of graves ahead of you You're hit with this bright bright light and in the distance far away You see the skies darkening and a pillar with a funnel of dark cloud Pulled down to the very top And that's where we're gonna end it for this week I've been your game master shano hera joining me as always playing fat Billy the half-link thief jess guitar Bye everyone playing ving the half-elf druid paul offers take care playing to combidome the barbarian of dual disease so long Thanks to erin reed for our intro and outro music and thanks to all of our amazing supporters Check us out at spelt lore most places on the internet.

Thank you so much and goodbye And so ends the tale of adventures three who tried the best they can The dumb and scared and lost they be For times abreast in revelry And though our journey may be lying a conclusion We will not leave you without resolution Turn next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores And for you I gladly spelt long