Patreon Bonus: Spout More Episode 18

Clover has decided to go to ground living in the tunnels with Greg. Yep. And something that we realized after we talked about how sad this was, was that the Cool Treat kids have maps of the maintenance tunnels. And you could go see her probably whenever you want. Yeah, I think like the tunnel leads into the chocolate factory. So really, I'm just, I can come home. I just have to go through the back door. No, it's so dramatic and huge though. So do we open on you guys in the tunnels with Clover?

Or do we open on Clover just coming through the back door of the sugar shack? Yeah, I come in through the back door. We've built a shrine with Clover with pictures. And we have like everlasting candles burning. And we're like Clover and doing like a little speech. That's exactly what we cut in on a memorial service. It's a funeral, yeah. Okay, tell me what everybody's doing in this memorial service. There's a lot of kids there actually. A lot of kids. Totally.

The way we communicated it was so unclear that it really seemed like she died. Everyone thought she's actually dead. Even the Humberstone twins showed up for this. And it's because I think everyone showed up because they were like, you know that thing where like one kid has like sort of like a traumatic thing happen. And like all the other kids are like, oh my God. Yeah, me. This is so affecting me. I need attention. That's why everyone's there basically. And now I'm the one. And it has drama.

They're like, wow. She was such a good friend of mine. I remember talking to Clover one time. I really loved that. Yeah. I really, really loved Clamber. I think she's a really, really sweet. Clamber. So there's a bunch of kids and we're all, yeah, they're all standing around. Yeah. Fenton and Franklin. Yeah. Doris is there. She's serving shitty food. She's catering the event. Yeah. Borbo is playing sad music. Yeah, and a pipe organ. Yeah. Yeah. And he found it. He rolled into the sugar. Yeah.

And it's a regular organ. He turned into a pipe organ. Yeah. Sounds like shit. Like paper towel to sticking out of it. I was thinking you ruined an organ with like a hacksaw. Taped a bunch of paper towels to the rec top. And it's like there's an open casket at the front. With nothing in it. Nothing. Or is it like with a with a mannequin that you made of her? Yeah. That paper mache. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.. Yeah. Drawn on it now. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But you know, you gotta do what you gotta do. Yeah. And we put her how she would always want to be remembered in that duct tape janitor jumpsuit. In duct tape. Yeah. And the first speech begins. I go up there with a glass and like a spoon. Everyone's already standing in front of you waiting. And it's full of yogurt. And I'm like, cling, cling, cling, cling, cling. Cling, cling, cling. I'd like to make a speech in celebration of Clover's passing. My name is Fenton Beasley. I'm a slide.

Everyone in the audience nods. He was. He is. He is a slide. I'm like, I know not a lot of you know who I am. And the ones that do, not a lot of you like me. And the ones that do, it's begrudgingly. But, that's what was so special about Clover is I was abandoned in the mall over a year ago. I was lost and scared and alone. It's only been a year. It's been a year and Charles has happened like five times. This is an unprecedented year. Sometimes it happens a lot. Yeah. It's true.

It's whenever Charles sees his shadow. And I didn't know what I was doing. And I was lost and scared. And I didn't know anything about like crime or being a criminal or really anything that didn't have anything to do with turtles or scarecrows. Because as you guys know, my dad is a merchant who sells scarecrows to farmers. He hates farmers. Everybody nods. As you know, my mom loved turtles. She loved turtles more than me. That's why she lost me in the mall. Everybody nods. Yeah, everybody nods.

Everybody knows my backstory. People are snapping. I was like, I'm not going to do this. I'm not going to do this. I'm not going to do this. I'm not going to do this. I'm not going to do this. I'm not going to do this. I'm not going to do this. But Clover found me. She found me wet and ragged and alone, drowning in one of the fountains in the food court. She saved my life that day. She pulled me out of the fountain and she brought me here to the sugar shack. And she made me a cool treat, kid.

And I'd be dead today if it wasn't for Clover. So, in honor of you, Clover, and then he pulls out his cane sword. Everybody in the front row, step back. Holy shit. Jesus. And then he takes, yeah, he takes the sword and he, and Fenton legitimately had not thought this far ahead. So he's now, he's just holding his sword. In honor of you, Clover. Franklin's looking at him, his eyes really wide, like, buddy, buddy. Borbo started to stand up from the organ. The sound of an organ stool. Man.

Moving backwards. Everybody knows that when Fenton is forced to improvise, shit goes fucking crazy. I don't know if he's ever actually drawn the cane sword before, so everybody's pretty scared. So people were like, holy shit, there was a sword in that thing the whole time. And then he, like, puts the blade down on the ground and snaps it in half. And he's like, I'll never wield this cane sword again in your honor because your memory, is the sword that cuts through my heart now.

And then he tosses the pieces into the crowd. Heads up. Put your kids dive out of the way. Borbo grabs the handle out of the air and is like, whoa. All right. And he starts clapping. Thank you, Fenton. Thank you. And he starts to, he walks forward and kind of nudges you away from the front. I still had, I still have to. I know, I know, buddy. We'll talk about it later. Okay. Franklin, do you have anything you want to say? Um, hi, everybody. Uh, Franklin, Stein, Cutter. Um, everybody nods.

He's got his, um, um, tuxedo t-shirt on and he's sewn back sleeves because of a different color. They're like beige, like they got little pockets on them, like cargo sleeves. They're the legs of cargo. So enough of them. I got them from some barbecue dads. They're so loose and they're the kind with the zips on the end. Yeah. Yeah. Hi, I'm, I'm, uh, I'm a boy of few words. Everybody nods. Yeah.

Um, Clover was a special person to me and I can't believe that she's gone down below to that place where we can never go until the day that we ourselves are drawn below the, our feet that we walk upon this earth. Some people start crying a little bit and snapping for my, for my speech. I have prepared a dance and, and the honor of Clover's passing.

Borba sits back down at the organ and it's like, there's really mournful, like me being, being, being, being, being, being, being, being, being, being, being, being, being, being, being, being, being, being, being, being, being, being, being, being, doing like hands out in front, arch back, tip toes and then arms back and head back. He's, he's just going back and forth and back and forth. Does a spin, a slow spin and like a very, uh, purposeful, like he've crying on the coffin. Oh, whoa. Yeah.

And then like goes to the audience and like mimes like, Oh, tears, falling down in space and then um jumps up into this the rafters and is like spinning like crazy spider-man like around us from his really so yeah it does like uh yeah it does like a parallel uneven bar uh thing above their heads uh and then um as this song builds comes the end he lands in in front of the coffin on stage and uh pulls out a match and lights the coffin and the paper on fire and then ends like as it like burns and everybody is clapping and weeping and borbos freaking out runs into the fire extinguisher and immediately starts putting it out uh but before but while this is all happening the dance the fire extinguisher and then ends like boom as it like burns behind you and everybody is starts to burn uh clover you I've been watching from above the whole time yeah because earlier I'd shown up in the in the chocolate factory and I thought you know I may I may as well pay my friends a visit so they don't worry about me and all this is going down you were worried about us worrying about you yeah and I'm I mean I'm touched like that was a beautiful dance clover do you see anybody does anybody see you no one sees me okay but who do you see in the audience seamus oh yeah seamus is here is katherine here he yeah they are together and but seamus is like uh ignoring her basically yeah but I I want to position myself so I can uh get a spitball to land on katherine's head cool I like that she's wearing like really tacky I heart clover like oh yeah she's totally like we were best friends yeah we wanted to have her in the pixie sticks she she came and we were like oh my god she's wearing like a black clover and we asked her please and she said no I live dangerously and look where it got her so I'm monkey barring like over I don't know no we're in downtime I'm not gonna make you guys roll for this sick yeah so I I'm just like very sneakily heading over to katherine I'm getting the juiciest loogie again yeah gross and she's uh she's like like really playing up the weeping and the shame is the shoulder of the huge spitball and it lands right on her stupid head wait so when you may when you say spitball you don't mean a piece of paper no I mean literally like a oh like literally a gummy ball of spit nasty and it hits her right in the center part of the center part so she feels it so hard uh and she but she is going to start to look up well I I I hide she's dressed like cobwebs you know I mean I look like a dirty laundry pile yeah and there's a lot of those in the sugar shack yeah so she she wipes it off her head and looks up it goes yeah and you can tell when she looks up her face is bone dry not amos can smell the hot dogs in the spit though corn dog residue he's like it's almost like she's here I feel her presence around me all times meanwhile cut to the rafters where clover's hiding and she's she's like chewing a hot dog and burping yeah I do it quietly it's just wafting over the crowd I'm trying to eat my hot dog in secret uh it's a long ceremony yeah that's a pretty long ceremony because we have been improvising a lot yeah yeah all the people are pretending to be your friends who are getting up and be like she literally said we were best friends so after the after the ceremony uh especially after the fire board was like okay everybody maybe time to go thank you for coming wait but the elf is doing catering maybe time to go and uh you know clover she's with us always she's she's always in our hearts and she's always nearby she's so close right now I can feel her presence in the room I'll pat him on the shoulder I know buddy me too okay everybody thank you so much and he kind of shuffles all the kids out of the sugar shack you