Patreon Bonus: Spout More Episode 28

Hi, Spoutlorians, Abdul here, just letting you know that we dropped a brand new episode of our Patreon-exclusive bonus game, Speltmore Mall Brats, over on our Patreon feed, and also dropping a little teaser here in the main feed for you guys. So if you're interested, head over to Patreon for the full episode. Links are in the show notes. So I'll just make a badass party happen. Maybe I'll throw off some sick dance moves.

What's going to get teens on your side better than being really good at dancing? That's a great question, and I can't possibly give you a better answer than dance moves. I also want to go around the thing and give out Flamin' Hot Cheetos. Okay, yeah. Teens love Flamin' Hot Cheetos. Yeah, like, don't tell adults that we've got these. Of course they're called Cheezos. Cheezos, they're just going to blow your butts off. You like them? You blow them in a candle first.

Yeah, and then you blow them out, or do you eat them with the fire? Yeah, you blow them out, and then intense kids eat them with the fire. Whoa. That's so sick. What? What? Abdul's genuinely so taken with lighting a Cheeto on fire. That's 100% what, like, kids that are trying to be bad would do. They're like, you take a Cheeto, you light it on fire, you eat it when it's still on fire, if you're hardcore. And then it gets you super fired. Fucked up. It burns. Oh, my God.

Also, Franklin found a bottle of beer. Oh. A real bottle of beer. Holy shit. Everybody's taking a sip from the bottle. Well, yeah, maybe. It's one that Borba opened and forgot to drink, like, the other night. So flat. He was out drinking. Yeah. He got home like, hey, one more night, yep, put me down. Then passed out on the couch beside a flat, open beer. Warm as the fucking day is long. Yeah, exactly. No bubbles. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. You needed a warm. He's been putting him by the heater all night. God. So it's hot now. This is freezing cold. Ugh. I mean, everything I eat, I want to eat hot. Yeah. So I'm heating this up. So he makes a dance circle and, like, makes sure that none of the adults around and then being like, hey, guys, I don't know if anybody's into this, if anybody's game, but I got this beer. And all the kids, like, eyes widen and they're all looking at each other. You hear a collective gasp.

And then. And then. And then. And then. And then. And then. Mindy Cart steps forward. I'll drink a beer. Whoa. Do you want to share some of it? Do you want to share some of it? I want a beer too. Yeah, I want a beer too. And Tony Bologna steps forward and goes, I want a beer too. Shut up, Tony. Pepperoni Tony. Wait, no, what it was? Tony Bologna and Tony Pepperoni? Oh, it was Tony Bologna and Pepperoni Tony. Two of them were named Tony and then one of them was something else. Who was this?

It's the Cold Cut Trio. The three hot meat boys that hang out with you guys sometimes. Right, Gabagool or something? Yeah. The Gabagools? All three of the Cold Cut Trio step forward and they're like, we also want beers. Whoa. Okay, well, we only have one beer. Okay, so we all take a sip of the beer. Stop saying beers. Okay, then we all take a sip of the beer. That's one beer five ways. That's plenty to get five kids wasted.

And then the Hoverstone twins come in and they're like, we heard that there was beers. We also want a beer. Shit, we only have one beer. There's not enough for all of us to get wasted. All the kids are clamoring for a beer. Beer, we all want beer. Beer, beer, beer, beer, beer. Greg's like, that's probably not what it looks like. You know what? I'm not going to worry about it. I'm just going to think of Doris's sweet cans. He says this to Corbin.

Corbin's eating a fruit by the foot, nodding like, right on, brother. This is the most adult party we've ever been to. Cigarette smoking? A beer? Boobs? Because the only reasonable chaperone left to do SB&I. So, Franklin says, okay, there's only one way to settle who gets to drink this beer. Dance contest. Oh, shit. Awesome. Hits a play button. On a bottle. And then he flips. He pulls out a cassette tape out of his torn off jean jacket with a tux underneath and then slams it in a boom box.

Uh-huh. Closes it. What's that in music bottle terms? I want to hear you justify this. Oh, it's two giant, like four liter water jugs. Sick. With a little arm that goes up to a lever with a forward pause eject stop. That are all things that control one single cork that go in and out of it at different speeds. Cool. So you hit play and then it just pops the lids. Both of them same time. So you get synchronized music stereo. This is like early stereo. Love it. Pops it up. And the music starts.

I like the idea that there is like a little flask that's almost shaped like a cassette tape that you jam into it. Oh, yeah. And it's connected to the two jugs. Oh, you slam it in upside down. Yeah. Do you guys remember Chubbies? Yeah. Yeah. Chubbies, Chubbies, Chubbies, Chubbies, Chubbies, Chubbies, Chubbies, little fat pop bottles. And you slam one of those on top and it goes into the jugs. And then. And who starts? Does Franklin go first to set the tone for the dance battle?

No, he puts his hand out and points at Mindy. Whoa. She goes, me? Who else? She grabs your hand. Boom. We go into it. Yeah. Strutting. Doing like cool, like intertwining. Oh, yeah. It's almost like you practiced because you guys were practicing for a dance competition. Totally. Right. The crowd's kind of giving you guys a lot more space. Yeah. Oh, oh, oh. Whoa. Doing a robot on top of a worm. Oh, my God. He's starting to do a robot. It's just a dance move, everybody. It's just a dance move.

He looks like a robot. Fenton. Fenton says it. And Greg goes, don't worry, boy. He's just doing a dance. A sick dance. And then the cold cut trio all spin each other into the circle and they start doing a three man dance. Three man robot. Oh, no. They rehearse for sure. Oh, definitely. It looks so sharp. It looks so great. There's like a thing where like two of them crouch down providing like steady legs as a platform and the third jumps up on top and does like a cool move. They're Voltroning.

Oh, my God. It's a pyramid of robots. Just another dance move. And he does like a, he does like a, he tries to do a flip and he overshoots it and he lands right on his face. And all the kids are like, oh, fuck. Oh, no. And then the two cold cut trios drag Pepperoni Tony out of the circle. Clover steps in. Yeah. And she throws off a hat that she's wearing. Go, Clover. It's just a toque. She was trying a hat for part of the movie. Yeah, totally. And she does the dance that Wednesday Addams does.

Yeah, totally. From the hit TV show Wednesday. Yes. And everyone is enraptured by this absolutely baffling dance that's like kind of scary sometimes. Sometimes because she's just staring at people. But then everybody's like, uh, yeah, hell yeah. That was that showed pizzazz. Yeah. She finishes. She pulls out another cig, lights it, puff, and disappears. And disappears. The smoke clears and she's gone. And all the kids were like, that was actually sick. The dance was not cool.

But the fact that she started smoking in the middle of the circle and then disappeared. And then who finishes? What is, does Fenton dance? Yes. Oh, uh. He gets too shy. I was, I was not going to. Why not Fenton? I'm, I'm standing beside you now. I was like, I'm not very coordinated. I'm not good at dancing. I don't think I've ever danced. Did you see what I just did? What if you had a partner? Penny. She's dressed like a cactus. She holds her hand down. I take her hand.

And she walks you into the circle. Yeah. Ow, you get poked by the costume. That's a lot. You put more thorns on. It's anatomically accurate. And then she just swings. What the fuck does that mean? She's, Fenton's so confused. And she walks you into the circle. And she takes the lead. She spins me in. And then her dance is just holding you by the shoulders and spinning in a circle. Slowly. Moving hips very sideways. Moving hips.

Like when a baby dances before it knows how to, it just shakes its butt back and forth. Yeah. Yeah. She's doing that. I do that too. And it goes on. You guys do this for like two and a half minutes. We do it for way too long. It's, we go way longer than all the other kids in there. Cause we are so young. We have no frame of reference for what's normal or appropriate. You guys do like a few songs. Yeah. And eventually the dance competition moves away from Penny and Fenton.

And we're just slow dancing with each other. And. Oh, who goes next? Either who goes next or who's the winner. Oh. Well, I thought the crowd decided. By applause-o-meter. Oh, yeah. I think. Greg rolls up and he's like, all right, we're gonna, we're gonna do this according to the ancient laws. I'm gonna put my arms like this. And when you clap, the applause-o-meter will determine who wins. Just like we did in the army. Under Colonel Ricky Lake. So. Okay. Let's hear it. Let's hear it.

Let's hear it. For the cold cut trio. Oh. Some pity. Some pity claps there. Someone says the flip was cool. You did more than one flip. That was a good flip. That's actually cooler than less than one flip. And you hear a guy on the couch go, thanks. And let's hear it for, for Clover Ivy Fern. Yeah. Clover. Clover. It was like some people were like scared of her. Yeah. Totally. And let's hear it for Mindy. Mindy and Franklin. Oh, it's broken. You broke the applause-o-meter.

That means that Franklin and Mindy win the beer. Why did I let this happen? Beer? When is there a beer? Worst chaperone possible. Oh, shit. Oh. Oh. Oh.