Season Two: The Boy & The Box

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape and wields a spear with great might Billy's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends and listen close For the tale's about to start That was like a season Okay, no, we'll do seasons if I'm outvoted, that's fine Seasons it is Season Alright My name's Sean and welcome to Spout Lore Season 2 We're continuing our Dungeon World game Dungeon World is a game by Adam Coble and Sage LaTorah Based on the hack of Apocalypse World by D.

Vincent Baker And joining me as always are our players Jessica Hi As Fat Billy the thief Paul Hello As Ving Vang Zumba the druid And Abdul Wassup And as the!!

And as the town's leader, the town You were left with the care of the stone box Which you have been asked to take the box to a place called the vault for safekeeping Because whatever magic is keeping whatever is inside the box inside the box is starting to fail And the vault is apparently a place that will keep that from happening And you have also been given a brown and black cat named Wicker who will apparently lead the way And as you left the town, Wicker told Ving Because Ving can speak to animals That they were going the wrong way So apparently she knows the way You don't know how, you don't know why Maybe Ving's full of shit Maybe Ving's lying Dude, his cat says go that way I wanna go this way Uh, so We come upon you The stinking mire is very very big Very big Uh, you traveled for several days Walking sometimes Riding Ving in the form of an elk Dan, Colonel Dan Fosse Uh, would give up his horse Horse every once in a while for Billy Because Billy's like a foot and a half tall and can't really walk for that long or that far Or uh, or Wicker Because Wicker has made it pretty clear that she doesn't like the mud At all She almost refuses to walk So she has only been kind of riding on the shoulders of one or more people throughout the day Or on the back of Daisy And it's been uneventful The first and second day you were still kind of nervous You still heard croaks in the distance The third day the croaks Kind of went away Fourth day Food ran out Fifth day, here we are You have no food Dan is starting to look a little worse for wear I'm an expert forager Yeah, you, because you have a trait called by nature sustained Which means you just always find food for yourself Yeah, there's smarty root everywhere around here Smarty root?

What's a smarty root?

Uh, it's this root that tastes really gross But also a little bit like chocolate Uh, so I'm just trying to get my mind off of it I've been sustaining Billy and Tuck mostly on smarty roots But it's not very nutritious for long Yeah, if you want to sustain them you're going to have to probably make a roll for that Because you can find food and water for yourself Oh But you could roll maybe a defy danger wisdom Okay So that's 2d6 plus your wisdom modifier Hey guys, we got nine, so Nine That means one of you can get food Well, Billy, you're a growing boy That's very generous of you Okay, so I'm going to roll a nine I'm going to give all the smarty root to Billy Also, I don't like smarty root Why not?

Nobody likes smarty root It gives me the toots Oh, the smarty root toots I think it might be giving me something too Billy's not feeling so hot Billy is really sweaty right now Like he's just like tucked into a little bag Into a bag?

Yeah, cause I've been carrying a backpack with Billy inside it Like a little armadillo And I'm just like, ugh So Billy's been eating enough that you're not hurt Tuck, however, is hungry Yeah Like painfully so Yeah, I hide it well You also just need more food than the average person Cause you're seven feet tall And like, what would you say? 300? 325 pounds?

I'm like a tight 375 This is the best shape you've ever been in Well, starving really does lean you down Okay, so Yeah, you're gonna We're gonna have to remember that you are starving Yeah, I'm really hungry Yeah, I mean, five days without food is doable Are my hit points returned to zero? Yeah, you guys have rested Okay So you're all clear And it is on this fifth day as the sun starts to set over the trees That you realize you are being followed Who do you think catches a glimpse of it?

Who has the sharpest eyes? Well, why don't I go up into the air and check it out? Can I do that? Shape-Shift Eagle 2d6 plus wisdom Nine Nine, so you get one hold and you take the form of An eagle Eyesight Sweet, so you flap up into the sky You catch a glimpse of something or someone in the trees What is it?

A group, looks like, under cover They're keeping very close, I can't tell the numbers They're using camouflage of the forest and swamp Oh It could be magic I can't tell My eyesight looks exactly like the swamp It looks like a section of the swamp is following us Oh, it's a section, it's a group of things Or people Under cover or are made of the swamp Look like a, okay Alright Weird That's fucked up Also while you're up in the sky Now you see for sure What you believe to be the edge Of the swamp forest It's like a two days walk?

It's like two days away, yeah So you still got a couple days but you see An end So yeah, you know that the edge of the swamp is nearby You're also being followed by Something That does not look good So yeah Ving comes back down and yeah You tell him about that I don't Good news or bad news?

Bad news first I guess There might be a piece of the Swamp itself Oh It looks like a mystical monster made of the land That we hate is on our tail Cool Good news is there's only two more days In the muck That's kinda also bad news Oh I'm not good at this Um Well I found some more smarty root I can't eat that I'm smarty root intolerant I get the smarty root toots Like every I can eat some mushrooms if you guys want that instead Billy those are poisonous What?

Don't eat those, did you eat any of those? Oh yeah, ate a lot of them How long ago? Like the last three days You've been eating them constantly? Yeah every time we make camp I just Have a couple pounds of it How's your tummy feeling? Not very good Oh not so Yeah you sweat through this backpack you're in I have, it's very wet There's like a foot of sweat in here It's a water tight backpack It's really water tight I've got a bunch of poultices and herbs Can I use something to ease his stomach?

Oh yeah probably Okay I'll grind you up It's gonna take some time Okay Basically you can't use poultices and herbs during like a fight Or when you're running like you need to take time and tend them So Dan is on top of Daisy And Wicker is sitting on Daisy's head Just kinda like loafed up like cats do And then I'm like oh I'm gonna have to go to the bathroom She's out of the cage She's out of the cage yeah After a couple days you realize that she's pretty Obedient?

Not obedient I don't know if this matters sorry but she told me Her actual name is Courtney But we can call her Wicker if you want Oh man I mean Courtney We can call the cat Courtney No I don't want to Wicker's a great name Okay either way the cat Is sitting on top of Daisy's head Wicker is its slave name guys I did not want to say that specifically That's exactly what I thought and I did not want to say it And you said it Well low hanging fruit that's what they call me They call me Abdul Easy punchlines Aziz Azizi punchlines I was gonna say that but I didn't They call me Sean Low hanging fruit There's no way to work my name into that Alright moving on So Dan pulls Daisy around And goes hey what's going on what's the problem Um there's like A swamp monster What That's following us How long has it been following us for Also Billy's sick cause he's He's been eating Poison intentionally Those were poison Oh have you been eating them too I mean I thought That they were rations I'm making medicine Well what are we gonna do about the swamp monster What is it what is it what does it look like Is it over there it looks like a chunk of the swamp I can't see it from the ground but when in the air It's like a moving Piece of swamp glummed together What do we do It's moving sporadically stopping and starting and Moving quickly and zig zagging So what do but what do we do though We could try and kill it and eat it I am crazy hungry Right now he's crazy I am crazy for some nay nays What's a nay nay I call it's what I call bananas You think this thing has bananas in it maybe What do you okay what do you Do you guys um should we like Lay you down cause I'm getting really motion sick That's maybe what it is That's maybe what it is You've just been sitting in a backpack Looking at stuff and trying not to barf the whole time Is that poultice ready for his tummy Do we eat it is that what we do with it Uh how do you treat this Uh it's uh it comes in a dropper form You have to put it in your nose Oh okay You're just shoving oils into their noses Yeah I get you to lie down on the ground and tilt your head back And I just put a few drops in your nose Yeah so mark a mark a U softener And uh Your tummy starts to right itself Uh so Yeah if you guys want to know more about Whatever this thing is Uh that's uh Spout Lore Oral Spout Lore Okay so that's 2d6 plus intelligence Spout Lore little tm Little tm We can't we can't trade the game's already trademarked Spout Lore little tm Nope can't do it It's ours it belongs to us Don't sue us Adam coble and sage latour please Sage latour More like sage lick my balls This is a bad Feud to start Sage latour come to my house I live at Fort street victoria bc Apartment He he lives in like Washington Yeah He could get here Adam coble lives in vancouver Adam coble come to my vancouver home It is Main street apartment Buzzer number I assume we're cutting this because we don't want abdul to be Uh harassed by some weirdo that listens to this show Buzz in Buzz in fans and talk to me And I'll fucking Uh so 2d6 plus intelligence Oh I rolled a nine I rolled a nine Intelligence is Zero So you rolled a nine It was a negative one right Yeah I've worked up to no High fives guys Ow ow Okay so on a Seven to nine on spelt lores The gm will tell you something interesting It's on you to make it useful Okay You have somehow heard of these things before They are called swamp shamblers They're sort of like an Elemental And I imagine tuck has probably encountered elementals in his travels Yeah tons of times So elementals are I beeped a fire uh I beeped a fire Fire hog Uh hold on A fire hog A fire hog Are you just saying fire hog Cause it sounds like mire frog and that's the last monster You guys came up with Oh yeah that's what I banged a mire frog So it's a big pig made out of fire So it's a big pig made out of fire Yeah Well you guys don't have to be fucking dicks about it It's just freaking so You can barely hear him over his own stomach Yeah I'm just screaming and freaking out about this pig Alright man we fucked a fire hog Everybody had to fuck one weird elemental one time It's part of being an adventurer Understood Understood Moving on So this is what tuck tells us about The swamp monster Is nothing except this fire pig Yeah he tells you zero about the swamp shambler And almost 15 straight minutes of bellowing That he had sex with a pig And then he's like I'm so hungry While he's slowly getting hard and starving I'm so hungry Okay so basically Elementals they're mostly Conjured in some way Swamp shamblers kinda happen by accident And they are made of Living pieces of the swamp Like vines and water and wet leaves And twigs kinda pull themselves Into a humanoid shape And they just kinda wander looking for things to Like consume basically I heard that I heard that you can get high by eating a little bit of them So he Dan is like okay so you're gonna fight this thing That's your plan I guess so Do you guys need any help You could lure it away for us or distract it Yeah do you wanna be bait Yeah please bait Colonel bait I'm just down for letting myself be Consumed I've given up entirely I don't really I don't really wanna be bait Grab a sword or be bait Those are your two options What about the cat We gotta keep the cat safe too I can't just run in there with this cat This cat's important Well leave cat with Daisy You just want me to run past it No we wanna walk Well we should come up with a plan I think we're doing that Yeah wait on the path and then we'll ambush from the sides Run up on its back Alright so you just want me to stand over here Well yeah I mean yeah Okay now That was as good as time as ever Yeah um so what are we doing Maybe I should shape shift into Oh an element You can turn into Plants and rocks and stuff Yeah a bunch of vines to try and bangle them up It is In here somewhere What's it called Thing talker You may apply your spirit tongue shape shifting And studied essence to inanimate natural objects Plants and rocks or creatures made there Of as well as animals Vaguely humanoid shaped entities You'd look a lot like this thing actually Maybe smaller but a lot like the swan shambler What if I try and confront it straight up So have we talked about I think we've mentioned in the past but I'm curious Like when Ving changes shape Is it like a werewolf like Animorph like morphing Or is it just like Ving is there and then a pile of plants is there No it comes over like Like a water dripping over his head And it's slow Slow sort of like eugh yeah When Dan sees that and is like Oh Oh god what is happening to him Look away Is this normal Yes this is Actually I've never turned into anything like this before Yeah that's rough He doesn't like that Do you need me to be bait still Yeah We need attention on you So yeah Dan starts walking forward and you're gonna like I'm gonna slink behind him a ways But slowly and in the path of this thing And Dan starts going like Hey Hey I'm over here Hello I'm bait Come and get me God this guy is Purely talentless Just don't Hey hi and he starts kind of throwing Sticks near it Jesus Waving his arms in the air He throws like an eagle would throw if it tried to throw with its wing And yeah that's the situation The swamp shambler sort of shifts And starts slinking towards Dan I guess I slink into the bull rushes Okay Next to where Dan is Yeah So you're trying to sneak up I'm gonna wait for them to get a little bit closer And then join them in their approach to Dan You're gonna okay roll 2d6 plus dexterity Defy danger yeah Tuck yeah tuck and Billy if you want to aid It would be like 2d6 plus bond I have five plus dexterity Is Zero Yeah I know you're just gonna fail I failed You're creeping through the trees and sort of the wet muddy Ponds trying to Get around the shambler As you see it moving towards Dan And Ving creeping up as a Plant slug behind it I guess I'm just too weak Yeah you're like trying to be really sneaky And you step on a branch And it snaps really loudly and you put your foot Right into like a deep Thing of mud that starts sucking at your leg And the swamp shambler It was going away from you And now it's just you don't even see it turn It's just coming towards you now Okay Ving I'm bait now the plan changed Dan goes great I'm gonna go back to the horse No Dan you sand fight you piece of shit He's running you fucking asshole Coward Yeah he's running away I'm gonna throw Billy clear of danger Oh okay Really this will be a defy danger Strength I guess Ugh Does Tuck just throw me into the mud Like two feet in front of him Yeah exactly you're like Straight down basically right in front of you I poo for sure Billy craps himself And hits the mud And is just like up to his neck I get in between Billy, Tuck and the swamp I'm so sorry I uh I try my best to To ask what it wants Uh I can't It rumbles It makes the same You hear it making the same noise that you hear Ving making basically You do that voice I can't do it But what it's saying is Intruders We mean you no harm We merely want to pass through your land It just repeats it It's intruders We mean you no harm Escort us out Uh It says intruders a third time If you're gonna want to try and convince it to do something You're gonna have to roll I'm gonna convince it to do something by Uh Standing up and pulling my swamp thing Into a form of a big gigantic man Uh huh It's flat so I can go up and out more Oh I see It's a big man with hands on his hips Uh huh Like a big tuck looking thing You look like the Marlboro guy Yeah I turned into Marlboro man In front of this hunk of moss Yeah so this is What do you think a parlay And the leverages leave or all Or wolf fight Or do you want the leverage to be seduction I think we were going in a good direction Hahaha I'm gonna tap on my viney shoulder Like trying to seduce it So basically this is gonna be a parlay But you're basically trying to outfit Yeah Like get out of here or we'll fight Uh so roll a parlay 2d6 plus your charisma Oh no 10 Yeah 10 When you like rise up It kinda shrinks it's big But you make yourself pretty Yeah a lot bigger than If it were to look to the side This dude's made out of paper mache But uh it still says Intruders But it's receding Where it once was it just sinks Into the swamp into a pond Parts of it break off And it disappears Whew Thank god I shrink back down Thanks thing Can I use my last hold to just Pluck tuck out of the mud I grab Billy A big viney A big viney like hand comes down And engulfs you And wraps around you and pulls you out of the pond So that's the last hold you turn back into Ving I am Ving Billy gets hauled out of the mud Yeah I'm naked now though Yeah he pulled me by my hair and I just fell on my pooey suit Where is it you're still wearing your raccoon skin No No it's stuck in the mud So what does Billy look like Without his raccoon He has copper hair and he's very Pink and white and tubby and naked So Billy is Well I mean the raccoon skin is in the mud Yeah It's just in that pond if you wanted to pull it out I'm just gonna grab it But I might just stay like this for a while It's kinda nice to have air on my butt Okay I'm just gonna put it in my pack okay Thank you You hear Dan from the tree line just calling Do you are you is it good It's good a pesto Okay Okay Thanks This is probably a good point for you guys to make camp How do you how do you Cause I mean you still are in a dangerous swamp Does anyone set a watch or anything like that I feel better so I can stay up with Wicker Yeah You and Wicker Are sitting watching Yeah So Wicker stays up with you And you're sitting on a log Fire is crackling a little bit She's like kinda keeping her distance for a while Does Billy like cats at all Oh yeah I don't think Billy's never seen a cat though Before Wicker so He's very interested Okay Wicker is not interested in Billy What do you do I make her interested How I just like waddle up to her and I like pat her cause I don't know what else to do Oh when you like walk up she like moves away Okay so I'm gonna do a dance cause I A dance Well I've seen other animals do dances So I like do a little dance And I wave my arms around and like shake my butt a bit Everyone's asleep by the way Yeah Silently shaking your butt She doesn't leave But she still doesn't let you pet her What if I like Do you have anything on your My tricks I just have poisons But what does the poison do Oh it makes you friends The poison that you have is golden root Whoever ingests it is your friend For a period of time Yeah I'll use it Sure I have no one else to use this on What does golden root look like Like the poison It's just like a bunch of ginger that I ground up So it's just like a mash Yeah but you just have to mash it for a long long time And like I have to do it until I get really sweaty Otherwise it just doesn't seem to work so So she uh she kinda sniffs Yeah and so I wipe it on her nose really quick She lips it Okay so I'm gonna do it now She just licks it up a little bit Oh and I'm like I don't know if you should eat it but Her eyes widen Okay And she kinda walks up and Nice Nuzzles up with you So we cuddle Yeah and your watch passes mostly uneventfully Who takes next watch I'll take next one I'm exhausted Yeah Vink should probably sleep Tuck is just kinda staring into the fire And you're reflecting on You know your time in the swamp Your time in Mudlark and you're thinking about your past So the swamp is gross you hate the swamp Tuck hates the swamp?

That's the worst thing that's happened here Yeah totally so what is in your past What is a gross place that Tuck has been to What is the grossest place in McCall What's the grossest place in McCall Well that's an interesting question Has a lot of answers Depending on What you mean by gross Cause there's like dirty Like from like a filth perspective But also There's things that make you feel dirty inside of you So I'm staring into the fire thinking this place is gross I'm like covered in shit and mud but it's not nearly as bad as that music festival that happens in mccall every year like it's punks it's mostly punks which we've talked about punk is barbaric barbarism it's barbarism yeah so tuck is basically just a punk musician I'm a I like I used to be heavy into the punk scene I would go to the shit slingers festival with like a huge bag of shit with a bunch of other barbarians like this is a barbarian festival it was a barbarian festival it would show up we'd have a big bag of shit and well we like we would just like fucking whip it and like strangers and like people not at the festival people at the festival and then we would like when we whip it we would go amazing and we're gonna you got shit sling um and then there'd be like a huge concert in the end you're like dump into a mosh pit and just fucking rage great so you take a point of experience for that because of your outsider thing remember I just kind of roll over and say to yourself tuck you all right and your your watch also passes thankfully uneventfully uh and next watch ding yeah I'm up yeah and you're just chilling yeah I'm just chilling and uh there's a russell by one of the bedrolls and dan is also up hey dan what's up he just sits down and he's poking at the fire like a real camp sort of scenario oh he's one of those is he yeah he's one of those he's like I wanted to you know we came all the way to mudlark together you never know when you're gonna be in a camp and you're gonna be like oh my god I'm gonna he's like I wanted to you know we came all the way to mudlark together and you never know when you're gonna be in a camp and you're gonna be like oh my god I'm gonna be like oh my god I'm gonna be like oh my god I'm gonna ever mentioned to me that you're half elf yeah so why did you feel the need to hide that from me I didn't necessarily hide it from you specifically I just not something I talk about I just feel like maybe I don't see a ton of elves out this way you know in this part of the principalities there's not there's not a lot of us and this might be why I'm here what happened man it's not gonna be that easy to get me open up dan we've been through some shit but I've got my reasons I've got my reasons I've got my reasons but I think a lot of it could be signed up by just talk about my parents yeah you mentioned your your your father's an elf did you spend much time in the in the in the forest or was it mostly with your mom I spent uh most of the years with my mother and then when I finally struck out on my own I went to go find my father to confront him because she talked some shit about him and then he found another uh woman and left with her leaving my mom with myself and then my mom died oh yeah I'm really you really got me humans I'm opening right up yeah yeah it's crazy right it's like you spend a lot of time around elves you get used to you you spend a lot of time around elves you get used to uh just things being the way they are and then you start spending time with the humans and they move so fast they just they're there and then they're gone it's like flowers man yeah it's the worst wither you ever miss it the forest yeah yeah believe it or not this stinking mire reminds me of home the forest part I imagine not the tundra part yeah the forest part yeah tundra is maybe a little starker I imagine I've never been there hope to make it one day it's dangerous my family's mostly from the lower parts oh my god I don't care okay good point you know what I thought we had a good talk I thought we had a good talk we did thank you and it's hard I'm sorry I'm lashing it's hard for me to know I hear you man I I haven't been back yeah I don't know if I'll ever go back but you know it's nice to run into somebody that has a bit of a shared experience you know what actually this feels nice dan yeah you got the watch bud you got the watch bud yeah I got it I got it the rest of the watch passes uneventfully you wake up the next day yeah you guys are just packing up your tents and your bedrolls and stuff you probably don't have much actually you're kind of left with nothing yeah but you have adventurer's gear you know it comprises the basics like a water skin uh a bedroll and then a pillow basically attached to a mat and you're just rolling that up yeah well I just slept in the mud so it's still nude yep yep this is like god intended just like the halfling god intended yeah what's that halfling god's name did halfling oh man we can't get I love this stuff too no I want to know do halflings have a religion kind of but it's like they mostly worship like the earth not really like a god specifically it's very like animistic is that the right word paganistic yeah like more like they worship the elements less so than animals animistic cool and they worship the river as well okay so yeah just like the the river intended now that we got that out of the way so yeah you're packing up you guys billy billy what'd you feel great that's awesome yeah I had weird turning into that swamp monster give me weird dreams what I turned into that swamp monster yesterday and I had really strange dreams what was your dream I was a boat uh uh on a sea of salt hardened salt and I couldn't on a sea of salt, hardened salt, and I couldn't go anywhere, and I was just stuck.

It was very, very frustrating. You guys… Do you guys not dream the same dream every night? What's your dream, Tuck? I dream of a giant cataclysm that destroys an entire nation. Every single night? Oh, my God. Is that not normal? Dan steps forward and is like, I had the same dream. Oh, yeah? No, I'm fucking with you. Fuck you, Dan. Do you guys seriously not have the same dream every night? I dreamt about a cake. I dreamt about cakes. Really? I don't want to tell you guys. Whoa.

Billy, that's not safe. Mysteries. Billy gets embarrassed, and he goes rooting through the bag for his raccoon skin and puts it back on, but doesn't put on pants. Wait. So you guys are seriously telling me that every person in the world just doesn't dream this dream every night? No, Tuck, that's weird. You thought that the word dream meant a cataclysm that swallows the earth. I thought everyone went to sleep.

They had nightmarish visions of an island being swallowed into the ocean and everybody dying, and then you wake up, and then your day starts. You never tried talking to anyone about this before. I thought everyone had this. That's a hell of an assumption. Yeah, that's weird, man. Damn. No, I have different dreams. Sometimes I have a recurring dream, but it's mostly just that I am drowning in pudding. Dessert-based dreams. Yeah, like a pudding. Yeah, it's mostly dessert-based.

That's a good point. Huh. Anyways, and he starts packing his stuff up again. Well, I mean, I'm not going to shoo it off. I guess, I mean, we can revisit it later. It could be a vision. Yeah, maybe we should hit the road. Okay. Okay. And Wicker kind of meows from Daisy's rump. She's sitting on the rump. I join her. Yeah. And I put my arm around her. You know that the golden root's worn off by now, but she's definitely warmed up to you. Billy, she said she likes you. Thanks. Yeah.

And I have a little tear on my face. Yeah, she… Just a little clean part of your face. Yeah. She meows in you here. Like, she makes a couple of cat sounds in you here that she's saying, like, I like the small one. And she sits with you on the back of the horse. Uh, so what we are going to do now, and I imagine that technically this is what has been happening for the last several days, you guys are going to make a Undertake a Perilous Journey role.

Uh, so how Undertake a Perilous Journey works is when you travel through hostile territory, choose one member of the party to act as a trailblazer, one to act as scout, and one to act as quartermaster. So who's going to act as scout? Who's going to act as quartermaster? Who's going to act as trailblazer? I should maybe be a scout and bird up. I could do quartermaster. I'll be a trailblazer. I think that's what we did last time. Yep. A role is, you know, a general role is forming.

Oh, and also dice rolls. Yeah, go ahead. Roll your dice. Uh, nine. Great. Eleven. Great. Four. Trailblazer, total failure. Complete failure. You're lagging behind. I, at this point, have not eaten in three days. I'm going to go for a little walk just off the trail. Yeah. And you find some more smarty root. Find some smarty root. I see the mushrooms and I kick them. Yeah, you say, no. No! You can't. But I look at them a little too long. But I still walk away. I have to be strong.

So you find enough food for you to eat a bit. Still not enough for Tacoma. Uh, Tuck failed miserably. What's up? Which, okay, so you're on the trail. What is a trailblazer supposed to do? It's not listening. The trailblazer is supposed to find a trail to go. They're supposed to lead the way. Okay. So you're on the trail. What is a trailblazer supposed to do? It's not listening. The trailblazer is supposed to find a trail to go. There's supposed to lead the way.

You guys come up on me and I'm just hacking at a tree with an ax. I'm just hacking at a tree with an axe. And I'm like, this tree's in the way. Get the trails on the other side of this tree. He's cutting down a tree. Tuck, you don't have the energy. Just wasting valuable calories. You can also go around the tree. Yeah, but I'm so hungry and tired. You guys see a trail on the other side of the tree. Can the cat… She's sniffing the air. And she is looking around. And she's meowing a lot.

Are you listening to… I'm scouting. Yeah, she's meowing a bunch. But she looks confused. Tuck. What? I think we can go this way. And so I urge the horse forward the other way. Around the tree. Around the tree? So you go around the tree. And the cat's still meowing every once in a while. Looking around. And you're kind of keeping an eye on them from the air. Yeah. Like you're following. And it's at this point that you get to a point where the… You see that the trees break a little bit ahead.

And the trail almost disappears. Like it washes away from the air. You see ruined houses. Like rotting wood and tumbled stone. And a crumbled… What looks like the remnants of a tower. In that ruined clump of buildings you see figures scrambling about. Oh, there's people in there. Yeah. Yeah, well I'm going to go back and tell them that they were coming up on a settlement that looks to be in active turmoil. Mm-hmm. They might have food. We need food. Yeah. I think we should try…

First of all, I ask Wicker what's going on. This is not the right way. And so ends the tale of Adventures 3. We'll be right back. We'll be right back.

Welcome back to Spout Lore. I'm your Game Master, Sean O'Hara. With me, as always, playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian, Abdul Aziz. Hello! Playing Fat Billy the Halfling Thief, Jessica Tai. Hello! That's the deepest Jessica's voice can go. I broke it. And Bing Bang Zumba the Half-Elf Druid. Paganistic? Elemistic. Elemistic. Elemistic. Elemistic. Elemistic. Elemistic. Elemistic. Elemistic. Elemistic. Elemistic. Elemistic. Peely's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart.

Best and raddest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts. So gather round, friends, and listen close, for the tale's about to start. You get to a point where the trees break a little bit. And the trail almost disappears like it washes away from the air. You see ruined houses and what looks like the remnants of a tower. If you see what looks like an old tile roof and tumbled stone scattered on the ground. But some of the tower is still standing.

There's a little square squat like room attached to the side of it. In that ruined clump of buildings, you see figures scrambling about. Oh, there's people in there. Yeah. Yeah, well, I'm going to go down and talk to them. Yeah. And tell them that they were coming up on a settlement that looks to be in like active turmoil. Oh, it does. And it looks like those moving figures were the only figures you saw. Like the scrambling piece. Yeah. Yeah. So there were only like five of them that you saw.

I think we should sneak up. They might have food. We need food. Yeah. I think we should try it. First of all, I asked Wicker what's going on. She just says, no, no, wrong, wrong way. Wrong way. Well, Wicker is telling us this is the wrong way, but I think we need food. Did I? Did I? Did I do something to her? No, she was asleep for a little bit. You realize she kind of dozed off on Daisy and she's looking at Tuck. She's like, wrong way. Why are you so mad at me? Wrong way. He was to lead.

This is the wrong way. He did it. And she's like, not pointing with a finger. Obviously, she's pointing by like, look at her paw. She's like, you wrong. Can you talk like a lolcat? What are you talking? Absolutely not. It's not. It's not 2008. He has other directions. I can't ask other directions. Yeah, she just is. Well, I'm going to put it to the committee. She's saying we need to turn around and go the other direction.

But I saw up there that there's some structures and some people, they look a little frantic, but they might have food. What do you guys want to do? Should we just turn around and go away and try and find food? I need food. We need food. Should I like go ahead and sneak? Yeah, that would be a great thing for Billy to do. Are you still nude? Yes. Great. But I have the raccoon cape. That's true. It's not totally nude. It hides my hair. Okay. So what kind of sneaky things does Billy have?

Puts his hands on his hips and walks towards it. Idiots. And wiggles it about. It's me, the nude boy. So that'll probably be a defy danger dexterity. I think that's mostly how we've handled it. Okay, that's fine. So 2d6 plus dexterity. Oops. Seven. Seven. Close. So you creep into an old cottage. Not much of a floor. The wood is still broken away. There's old furniture and rotten books and stuff like that. Is there any food? Can I see any food? You don't see anything in here.

If there was food, it's long gone. I'm gonna try to get to another building then. Yeah. As you look for a way out of this building to the next one, a figure steps in front of the building and you hear more snuffing and moving around. Through a gap in the wall, you get a good look at the face of one of them. And it is. It's mottled and leathery and sort of a brown green sickly color. Jagged teeth, scavenged armor that looks like it wasn't made for it. It's pretty horrific. Oh. But it's small.

It hunched like a person, but not any kind of person that you've come across. Oh hell, I'm hiding. Because you've only been on the road for what? Less than a year with these guys. So you've never seen anything. You haven't seen anything like this before. Oh yeah, no, I'm hiding. Okay, I'm gonna go hide under one of these old chairs. Okay. Billy crept off and you see him go into a building and you don't see him come back out, but you do see some of the figures move in that direction. So…

What are we gonna do? Do you want to just go try and talk to them? I mean, we're a lot bigger, right? They're just little guys? Yeah, they're quite small. Can we see any weapons or anything? Just armor. You see what looks like might be… They're wearing stuff on their hips or on their backs. People do that a lot in this world. They often carry weapons. Okay, so… Do you want to… I want to hide and do backup and then I'll go and talk to them. Okay. Yep. Okay, I go…

You're gonna go talk to them? Yeah, but I want to appear less intimidating. How? I'm gonna take off my pants. Yeah, I'm gonna take my clothes off. I'm gonna take off my leather underwear and also give all of my weapons to Ving. Okay. And approach them as a naked man holding a branch. Holding a branch. I'll say, this is an olive branch. So, okay, so you step into… And also Ving, if this goes really wrong, you need to go fucking crazy. Because I am fucked if this doesn't work.

If this doesn't go right, you need to turn into the biggest thing you can turn into and go crazy. You need to give me enough time to run away and get my stuff and then come back and fight them. Just let me know when that's gonna happen so I can cue hearts crazy on you. Yeah. Just the chorus though. It does. Okay. So you walk into the town with a branch in your hands. Do you think that Tuck's ever seen a goblin before? I dated a goblin one time. Goblins aren't the kind of things that you date.

Okay, I didn't date her, but I knew her through friends and I was really into her. And I thought I was making progress because I wrote her a lot of slam poetry. I wrote her a lot of slam poetry and I would like, I would head out to her parents place. To her parents place in the country every weekend to see her and like she seemed okay with it. So I figured I was making progress and then she like told me that she was betrothed to a goblin king and I killed him.

And then that caused like a civil war and that was like too heavy for me so I bounced. So you've seen a goblin before? Yeah, they're very beautiful in some ways. Well, okay. Well, these ones aren't necessarily so much. They kind of look like a pile of jagged bones that you left outside too long. Like they're just very upset looking. And when you come in and go, hey, peace exists between our people. You can tell by the way that they look at you that they do not agree. Okay. So they are angry.

They draw weapons. I'm like, whoa. And they're like cackling at you. I'm like, wait, I don't, can't you see how nude I am? They're like getting ready to go. They're like getting ready to attack. Okay, I'm going to roll a parlay. Parlay. You can't, you can't, you don't speak to them. Why? You can't speak to them. They don't speak common. Oh, um, I. They're just like chattering. Like, okay, can I, can I read them one of the poems that I wrote for this goblin girl?

I wrote one of the poems in goblin. Okay, fine. No, wait, you don't have them on you. I remember them. Okay, quick, make it quick. It's a haiku. Okay. I had a friend translate for me. Okay. So this is what the poem. Sure. I'm saying it in goblin. Yeah. I'm saying it in goblin. Okay. So I'm going to roll a two D six plus charisma. Roll a two D six plus charisma. Six. Eight. Fuck me. So what is a, what is a, this was a parlay? Yeah. Oh wait, no, it's not a parlay.

Cause you're not asking them for anything. You're reading a poem to them. Spout Lore. I guess. It's a, it's a. Wait, does it. Roll for a poem. It's just a defy danger charisma. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's defy danger charisma. It's defy danger charisma. It's defy danger charisma. Yeah. So on a seven to nine. They dropped their weapons and start slow clapping. Yeah. But I mean they. So they. So they don't attack you immediately.

One kind of like tiers up a little bit. And it's just like. And the other one that comes and puts his hand on his shoulder. It's a guy. And he kind of walks away. And then the one that put his hand on his shoulder is like. And like follows after him. Like he's chasing after him to make sure he's not hit. Oh. To make sure he's okay, but there's still one standing in front of you with a spear like, do I fight this one? The other ones have left, but Billy's still trapped in the building.

Have they left kind of the vicinity? They're kind of moving around. You might be able to sneak out. I'm going to try. You're going to try? Alright. 2d6 plus dexterity. Four. That is a failure. Yeah, mark a point of experience. And you are like, got it. You ran over with the chair still on top of you? Yeah, you are. You're like moving the chair. Yeah, you're just sitting under the chair like, squeak, squeak, squeak. Squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak.

You try and go out the door and you're like, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak. You're dragging it through the mud and you're stopping every once in a while. And you get out the door and you get pretty far, actually. You're not really noticing. One of the goblins looks at you and you're kind of squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, moving under the chair and one comes and kicks the chair over and you're just creeping like, I did it.

And the chair flies off of your body and one of them grabs you by the scruff of the raccoon skin and starts picking you up and it has a jagged, rusty knife in its hand. Okay, I jump through. I turn into a Tyrannosaurus Rex. You cannot turn into a Tyrannosaurus Rex. So it has to be something either from the Great Forest or the Frozen North. Oh yeah, what about a Snorunoceros? Snorunoceros? I think we talked about how those are magical animals.

I think you can turn into weird amalgamation animals later on. Wasn't that the ice rhino? Was that what it was called? Oh yeah, the rhinoceros. I think it's the rhinoceros made out of rice. Rice rhinoceros? It's a mundane animal, basically. What about an ostrich horse? A mundane animal. Oh, just something mundane. You're too excited. You're going to fight. If that's what you're doing, are you charging in because you see Billy?

Well, yeah, I go in to step in and I have your weapon, so I need to drop down and give you weapons. Yeah, because if you are holding his stuff and you change shape, it becomes part of your shape. Oh! Because all of your stuff, all of the things that you carry and wear are shapeshifted with you. Oh yeah, okay, so I run in and hand him his… Well, I could just turn into a… No, no, yeah, just turn into a thing with axe hands. Yeah. It's not coming back down. What did he say?

He said it becomes part of his shape. A mundane animal. No, sorry, no. It's just like his clothes. He doesn't burst out of his clothes when he changes shape. Okay. But when he turns back into Ving, he's still wearing clothes. Okay, I'm going to turn into a mountain lion, a puma. Dope. Okay. 2d6 plus wisdom. Cool noise. 10. 10, that's three hold. Formcrafter, what's the stat you want higher? Strength. Strength, yeah, strength is used for hack and slash, so that's smart.

We will say negative one to… I mean, intelligence. It's a wild animal. So are you just straight up attacking something right away? I'm going to go in and pin the guy who's got Billy and get Billy out of the way. I'm going to get rid of his hands. Oh, cool. Hands off Billy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So sprinting that far, we can do that as the hold. Like it's been holding the weapons and… Yeah, dropping the stuff and then you change shape. Yep. And you run right past Tacoma and the spear goblin.

Yeah. So that'll be one hold. No, I bare my teeth and just hold them down. I'm not willing to start a fight, but I'm letting them know that we'll f*** them up. So defy danger, strength, I guess. Yeah. 6 and 3 is 9. Okay. You know that if you pounce on him like that, you're going to hurt him. Yeah. Like he's going to know. They're not that big. No, but this is going to be a fight to him. Yeah.

Like you can either not pounce on him and start a fight or you can hit him and get Billy out of his hands, but know that you're probably going to kill him. Can I speak goblin? Not in a puma form. Definitely not. And also maybe not as a half-out. Maybe you don't speak. Do you speak goblin? Well, I don't mind killing a bunch of goblins, but we might not want to fight. What do you guys think? Well, Tux is so tired. Okay. All right. I'll put them down. Then roll your damage dice. 6. 6.

So you are kind of loping along really low to the ground and you jump straight forward like a battering ram. Billy doesn't move, but the goblin does. It's one of those things where it's fast enough that Billy's like for a second hanging in there. I'm naked, by the way. He's still holding the raccoon. Yeah. He's going to pop out of the skin. You're totally nude. You hit the goblin and you roll a little bit. And when you are on top, like, you know, that weird do that cougar noise. Yeah, it's dead.

You killed it. Oh, you like hammered this thing. The two, the poetry goblin, the cry, the sensitive one. They turn. They see that one of theirs has been killed by this mountain lion thing. And the spear goblin turns and they all draw weapons and they start running. Okay. So how far away am I from the weapon? My weapons that were dropped. There are a few feet behind you. Okay. Can I. Dan is like, you guys good? Yeah. Sitting on the horse like, you okay? Jesus. Okay. I jump.

Can I jump back and grab my shirt? Yeah. Yeah. I do a backwards somersault. You roll on the ground backwards. I do a slow, I do a backwards somersault. And I grab. This is what I want to do. I want to do a backwards somersault. And as I somersault, grab my axe and loop my legs into my. Underwear. Leather underwear. Yeah. That I wear all the time. You know, my pants. Yeah. Totally short pants. I'm not going to make you roll for this. I just want you to know. Oh, why?

Because nobody's attacking you and you're not in danger of failing. So does Tacoma succeed? I guess. But it'd be sick. No. And I'll. Okay, fine. So I'm able to grab the axe, but I miss my pants and I just stand up with the axe. No pants. Totally. Yeah. There are two nude combatants. It's fine. Well, you know what? You try. New stuff. Sometimes it doesn't work. Totally. Yeah. All right. Solidarity. Yeah. So what are you and what are you doing from there?

Like the spear goblins running away from you. Do I have any distance things? No, you don't. Okay. Can I throw my axe? You totally can throw your. All right. We'll say that that's a volley. Yeah. Throw my axe at this guy. 2d6 plus dexterity. Eight. So you can either put yourself in danger to hit this guy. Yeah. And then I'll tell you what the danger is. You can do less damage. And those are the choices. I will. I murdered this guy just by running into him. So they seem pretty weak. Okay.

I'm going to do less damage. Okay. So roll the d10. Okay. One. Now roll a d6. No. One. Yeah. You do zero damage. Cool. Yeah. So does he just whiff? Does he just totally miss? I missed entirely. Just totally right over its head. Yeah. So I go really far over. I over. I love it. It's an air ball. It hits a structure past the guy. Yeah. And that structure collapses. Yeah. Great. So, yeah, you throw it into an old building and crush an old house. Yeah. And the goblin keeps running.

Didn't even notice. Damn it. I use a hold to get at him and take him down. The other. Well, there are three other two others that are running at you right now. So you're just going to jump on one of them. Yeah. If I can get both of them, I can't. We'll say you could probably get one. No. If you spend both your hold, I'll let you kind of pounce from one to the other. Yeah. Yeah. And then you'll be Ving. So roll your damage dice. Four. And roll it one more time. One. Yeah.

You jump on one, sink your claws into his throat, just kill it. Just crush it. Little tiny neck. And you jump to the other one, and it kind of wrestles with you a little bit as you're going down, and you just scrape it along the side and you're Ving again. And it's still struggling underneath you. You know, it seems like you just kind of cut into the old armor that it's wearing. You don't know if you actually made purchase. Billy, help. Yeah.

Billy, you've got the one that one of the poetry ones that ran to Ving. But there's another one coming at you because it sees a little easy to kill boy. You are totally nude. Except that pin in my hair. Oh, you have a tiny little needle in your hair. That pin that Maggie did. So I'm going to pull it out. OK. And then I'm going to. Uh. Catapult myself. Yeah. Try to hit him in the eye. OK, so it's coming at you. So unfortunately, you don't have like the drop on it or anything like that.

So just roll a hack and slash. So Td6 plus your strength, unfortunately. One. That is. How did you get one? Because I have minus one. So she rolled two ones and then minus one. Oh, no, I'm sorry. That is a that is a failure and on a failure. Not. A good thing happens. OK. OK. Such a small boy. It's fine. I can roll a d6. Three.

So you are you know, you're getting ready, you're like, ah, and you jump at it with the needle and as you jump at it, it plants a like gross barefoot right in your chest and just like kicks you out of the air and you kind of hit the ground and roll back and you take three damage. OK. And you're like, oh, I'm going to run. I don't have any weapons. So I'm just going to go fucking crazy. So what are you going for? I'm going for like just can I toss him my spear? Oh, can you toss me a spear?

You sure can. We'll say defy danger. Dexterity. Four. OK. Four. Big throw me your spear. Who? And I. He. What's your fault? You throw it. Really, really hard. Right at you. Yes. So I. So, yeah, you mark a point of experience and you roll your damage die. Or no, Abdul roll a D6 to two. So and you have one natural armor, right? Yeah. So, yeah, you get a spear in your leg, but it doesn't hurt that much. But there's still a spear in your leg, thankfully. So there's a spear, but it's in your leg.

OK, so I'm running. I've got a spear in my leg. Sorry. Yeah. And I'm real mad now. I am not hungry. Or tired. Just pissed. I pull the spear out of my leg and then I do all of the rude gestures I know how to do in Goblin and I'm like, oh, this is the move. What are you waiting for? Yeah. And what is what is what are you waiting for? Do when you cry out to challenge to your challenge, your enemies roll and con plus constitution.

Roll plus constitution on a ten plus they treat you as the most obvious threat to be dealt with and ignore your companions. Take two plus damage on going against them. So on a seven to nine, only a few the weakest or most foolhardy of them fall. Pray to your taunting. Cool. So I'm running for one of them. Yeah. Which ones? Who's in play right now? The poetry of the poetry one is still trying to get to Ving poetry. And one of the other poetry ones just kicked Billy like a soccer ball.

OK, so I'm I think you can handle the poet. So I'm running for the one to kick Billy. Yeah. And I'm trying to attract attention to me. Yeah. So two to six plus constitution. Constitution is one, six, seven, seven. So on a seven to nine, only a few the weakest or most foolhardy. OK, the one that was trying to kill Billy. Yeah. Yeah. It turns around and sees you making the goblin equivalent of the jerk off gesture. Yeah. And it's like, wow. And then it starts running you with a rusty knife.

OK, yeah. So I'm going to take the. Beer, which is in my face. Yeah. And then I'm just going to punch him with my face as hard as I can. OK, to do six plus strike. That's a hack and slash. It would be a hack and slash regardless. Right. It would be. Yeah. But yeah. So that's how I choose to do. Yeah. Great. I love 11. Great. Roll your your damage. Eight you describe how you kill this thing. OK, so we're running at each other. Yeah. He. Wheels back with his knife to stab me. And then I don't.

Yeah. I just run with my fist forward and then I punch as hard as I can in the head. Yeah. No, I feel like connect. I direct the punch down. You just smush it into the earth. And then I smash his head into the ground. Yeah. Turns into jam straight up. Gross. Really gross. Yeah. Yeah. It's down. It's dead. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Obviously. It has no head now. Yeah. And then I toss the spear back to me. OK, it is. Yeah. So there. And I say, thanks. The one the one goblin when let me.

OK, so that one's dead. That one's dead. That one's dead. Two more alive ones under Ving. Not dead yet. Speaking of which, that one like kind of shifts and pulls out like a little jagged piece of metal and it tries to stab you in the side. I have the thing. I mean, I got my. I got the head of you. Yeah. I grab my my spear. Spears aren't really I'm sitting on top of a person weapons. Well, I thought I could hold them down. Yeah, cool. That's cool. I pin I pin his arm down.

Trying to spit in his face. So you're trying to kill this guy or you're trying to pin him down? I'm trying to pin him down. OK. Then that will be a defy danger strength. Me. Eleven. Oh, eleven. OK, yeah. So you pin its arm down with your leg and you kind of press the stick down over its throat and it can't. Yeah, you got it. It can't move. It's quite a bit smaller than you as well. Well, it's basically like we're beating up children. Yeah. You're kind of beating up.

Kids, but like kids sized things. I tell him to call off the other guy. I know that he's dead. No, there's still one more. So you speak goblin. We've just decided that. No, no, nobody speaks goblin. I know that one poem. I can say that poem again. It heard the poem. It's over it. It it I just scream as loud as I can at the other guy. Yeah. Like while I'm holding his friend down, just like madman.

It backs up and it starts fumbling at its side and it pulls out a little dirty horn and it starts to put it to its mouth. What do you guys do? Am I near it? Yeah, you're near. You're pretty close to it, Billy. What do you do? I'm going to try to jump and grab the horn before he puts it to his mouth. Defy danger dexterity. Yes. Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy. Yes. What is that? An 11? Yes. Okay.

So Billy, like blocks like Jordan starts to put up its horn and you just go, you jump up and snatch it out of its hand and it starts running away. Towards me. No, away from you. Cool. Like towards the ruin tower. It's like it's running off. Can I do you want to do a thing where I pick you up and I throw you at it? Okay. I just legs. Yeah. Okay. Okay. So wait, can I throw the horn at you so it doesn't get the horn before? We'll switch. Yeah. Oh, switch. Yeah. I give you the horn. You throw me.

Okay. So defy danger strength. And Billy, you're going to aid. Okay. Seven, eight, nine, 11. Whoa. Okay. So you fastball special Billy. Just tell me how this happens. So I guess I'm like, Billy, let's do that move. We practice. Okay. So I don't really remember it. So I just make it up. So I like ricochet off the mud and then into his hand. I do a little flip. Yeah. And then I throw the horn at his other hand. Yeah. And then I take Billy and I kiss him on the cheek. Yeah. And I.

And I spin like a football. Yeah. And then what happens when you just smack into the goblin? Do you have daggers? Do you want to take a daggers? I have no daggers. I'm naked. Yeah. And that pin is gone. Oh, you have the pin. Oh, the pin's gone. Well, he like. He kicked you. It doesn't mean you dropped it necessarily. Yeah. Go into the back of his knee with your pin. I'm going to do that. You're just going to kill him? No, in the back of the knee. So I injure him. Okay, great. Hamstring.

So you yeah, you just hit him in the back, pin in the leg and it goes down with you on top of it. Hold him down. I'll hold him down. I'll hold him down as best I can. But it's not really. I don't really. Hold it down. Just mean it is really bad. And yeah, you've got three dead goblins and two live goblins. Okay, cool. How do we and how do we interrogate? So as the as the the fight seems to have ceased, Dan leads Daisy into the little town, so it's done there, subdued you guys. You did it.

It's a great job, everybody. I saw the fight from back there. It was awesome. I was really rooting for you guys. What's the plan? Why are you called Colonel anyways? It was a nickname. Yeah, that's the plan. Well, we had to figure out how to talk to these things because I only know. Oh, one poem. No, I it's cool. I yeah. Okay. No, I can. I can talk to them. What? What? I just like they're not nice, right? Yeah, you can see. I'm aware of that, Dan. Yeah. So now that they're.

Indisposed like this is fine, I can do this. You have been able to speak out in this whole time. The whole time. Well, this is the first time we've seen a goblin together, isn't it? Yeah, but you saw me do the thing where I got naked and then I walked up to it to like. I hate you. I don't. Yeah, that's. I also saw them put a little bit of goblin blood on Dan's face and say, this is on you. Okay. I deserve that. I deserved it. So what do we piece of shit if he has any food? Okay. Okay.

It's been a while. I'm a little rusty. Fucking Dan. You serious? He he he he walks up to it. The one that that you're sitting on top of because you're just like holding it down. Like, could you talk to this thing and and crutches down? He looks very confused for a second. He's a bad. It. And the goblin barks back in his face like, he's like, oh, wait, no, no, no, no. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. I either said. I can't remember if I'm saying food or if I'm saying boxes.

This is and the goblin goes off and he talks to it for a little bit. They chatter back and forth and they start laughing. I'm like, it's like this guy's pretty cool, actually. He's all right. It's basically like they're like pointing at you like the goblin kind of nods at Vang. And he's like, bop bop bop. And Dan's like, bop bop bop. They're like, bop bop bop. Totally. Totally. So, hey, um, oh, wait, you guys making fun of us? No, no, no, no, no.

Not making fun of, you know, we don't have to understand what you're saying to kind of get the tone of it. A lot of a lot of goblin reparte is insults. Cool. That's part of it. You kind of make fun of everything. Well, maybe the goblins have thick skins, but we don't. Anyways, so they say that they have lots of food and that they need it or what? That we can't we they they need to eat. There's a lot we should probably. Go. OK, we're taking some of this food. There's a there's a lot of them.

Goblins. There's a lot. How many and where? He says they're in the tower. They're just over there. What? OK, where's the food? Then that square thing, he says. I think he means I think he means it's a storehouse. I think is what he's trying to say. OK, well, let's get the food and get out of here. Not deal with that army of goblins. If you have a horn now taking call goblins that could come in useful. Yeah, I'm going to keep this horn. Mm hmm. Tell him that that he understands. OK, tell him.

Tell him that I'm sorry that his friend is dead. They weren't friends. Oh, well, that's good. Tell him that I'm taking this horn because he should have known better than to try and fight strangers. It was rude and I did not enjoy it. So I'm taking this and taking his knife and I'm stealing food. And then we're going to go. And next time he should maybe think twice. Before he approaches a stranger like that. That. OK, he understands. Cool. Should we just is everyone cool with that? Sure.

Oh, I was just going to, like, rush to the box and try to unlock it. OK, cool. Before. I don't know how close that tower is. It's fairly close. It's like 40, 50 feet away. How did they not hear us then? You don't know if they're in the tower or above or below. Like, even if they're there, there is a door like the door is closed and there's a door to the tower. There's a door and a door to the square room next to it. I'm going to go to the square room and try to unlock it. OK, sure.

You roll me a tricks of the trade to D6 plus dexterity. Well, plus your dexterity is five. I still failed. So you reach into the lock with the copper needle. Yeah. And you don't know if these things are just if this is a crappy locker, if this needle is just really strong, but you kind of shatter some stuff inside, you feel the lock's not going to move. Damn. And that's the end of our ability to try and get in there. That's the end of your ability to pick that lock. Can we smash the door open?

You probably could. Smash the door open. Can I try and quietly smash this lock? You can try and smash the lock. Can I quietly do it? No, that is not within your. Can I crush it with my hand quietly? Roll a defy danger strength. I get off the guy and holding the spear to one guy's throat and the knife to the other one. And they understand that if they go anywhere, I'll kill them. Yeah, totally. You've killed you killed two goblins in like, you know, a minute. Eight.

So you just crushed the lock in your hand. Yeah. So you just crushed this metal lock in your hand and it falls away and you open the door and there are sacks of. Goblin crackers. Yeah, there's like sacks of weird food and stuff. It doesn't smell great in here, but you do see that some of it is packaged like they stole it from somewhere like it's crates. You also see some weapons and what looks like a little sack of valuables. And you see two goblins going through it.

And they turn as you open the door and they go, I'm going to try for the poem again. Two to six plus charisma. Nine. One. One is like transfixed, but they're like confused. One is confused as it sees you reading like this. This is still poetry. So can I? I want to do the poem. I want to do the poem. But you have. Yeah. It goes to eleven on a nine. They attack their nearest ally. But you also draw their attention in higher. Yeah. Here's your poem.

And it's so yeah, it's so deeply affected that it picks up like a pot and just smashes the goblin in the head. Cool. Like knocking it out totally. And then it it turns to you and picks up a pot and starts swinging it. OK, can I just grab him? Yep. Two to six plus strength. OK. Seven plus two. It smacks you in the head, but it is it is dead because you just like crush its throat. I'm sorry. Yeah. But you hear a lot of movement from nearby. But you now have this like open room full of food.

Ransack, ransack, ransack as fast as we can. We just grab everything we can. I turn into kangaroo and put everything in my pouch. You can't turn into a kangaroo because they don't exist in the forest. But you can turn into some big animal. Yeah. Also, can we just load Daisy up? Dan, do something useful. Yeah. Dan like runs up with Daisy. And he's like, this is it's this or nothing. Yeah. I start putting pearl necklaces around Wicker's neck. Yeah.

There's like a bag of valuables that you can grab. OK. There's a small bag that seems like it's valuable. So you can grab that. Let's steal that. I'll carry one apple at a time. OK. Yeah. Tiny bag. There's like movement. So you want to move fast. Yeah, we're doing that. So each just grab one thing. Right. So bag of food, bag of food, small bag of valuables. One apple. Dan grabs a bag of food. I grab a bunch of weapons. We throw a couple of crates on top of Daisy. She can't carry that much.

Well, one crate. One crate. You grab a bunch of stuff. OK. We just get stuff. Yeah. You try and grab the nice food. OK. I'm going to. I is there anything else? What else? This is this is pretty much all I have. OK, well, I'm and you get like flappy feet kind of hitting stone really close. But I turn into a yak. You turn into a yak. Yeah. Oh, an arctic yak. OK, yeah. Great. Two to six plus plus wisdom just so we can get ready to get out of here. So eight, eight. So that's so that's one hold.

Yeah. So, yeah, you you load up. And as you are like running out, you hop up. There is like sort of a boiling, rolling mass of goblins coming up out of the ground. Oh, I know. And kind of pouring into the storeroom. But they're coming out behind you. So bust out the back door roll or you can. Again, you could spend your hold to. But then I would turn back to Vang. That's true. You would. So roll a two to six plus dexterity. Three plus zero. Three plus zero. So you.

So, OK, so what's going to happen is you. You are running away, like hauling out of the town and one throws a spear, sails through the air, hits you right in the ass. Roll a six. Shit. But three, three. So you take one or two because you have armor. Oh, yeah. And you feel hot. Like the wound feels hotter than normal. But you are off into the woods. Dan is whipping Daisy into a frenzy. Wickers barely hanging on. And so you.

Rip off into the woods with your brand new bags of food and your new valuables, some coin in that weird book and a fancy cup. And it's peaceful for a little bit as you careen through the woods. You think you've left the goblins far enough behind that you should be safe. And you come back onto what appears to be the main trail that you'd left. And things kind of look the same. But you get to a point and Wicker kind of stands up on top of Daisy's head. You see her.

She's got a little nose twitching and she hops down, which she does not do very often. And she approaches a clump of flowers growing under a log on the side of the road out of the mud. It kind of orangey and they're delicate looking. And she walks up to the clump of flowers, sniffs them a little bit and looks back and meows. And you understand that she's saying right way. And she hops back up on the horse and you carry on. We still have time. I think about it. I want to cry.

Thanks for listening. This has been Spout Lore. I have been the game master, Sean. Thank you to Jessica, Paul and Abdul for playing. Thank you to our producer, Wes. And thank you to hecklers for letting us use the upstairs Ratfish Lounge to record. And thank you to Aaron Reid for our super awesome theme song. Thank you for listening and we'll see you next week. And so ends the tale of adventures three. Who tried the best they can.

The dumb and scared and lost they be for times of rest in revelry. And though our journey may be like a conclusion. We will not leave you without a resolution. Return next week to hear some more whilst you commute. Or do your chores. And for you I gladly Spout Lore.

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape and wields a spear with great might Billy's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends and listen close For the tale's about to start That is a really good theme song.

It's very good. It is spectacular. Welcome to Spout Lore. I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara, and with me today are Jessica, Abdul, and Paul. Hello everybody. And we're going to be continuing our game of Dungeon World. When last we left our heroes, you had basically come upon a ruined village and stolen a bunch of food from some goblins, and then you ran away. So you go through the bag of valuables and you find 20 coin. Nice. And you find a little…

Crystal cup that kept together somehow that also seems pretty valuable. Okay. Yeah. And a small leather bound book, but it doesn't appear to have any writing in it. Hmm. Yeah. Invisible ink or blank book. Who knows? And now you are back on the trail to the vault. Thanks to your guide, the tiny cat named Wicker. It's always you're noticing in the direction of a particular orange flower. After a couple days. The trees start to thin out. The ground starts to firm up a little bit.

The water looks a little clearer than it used to. And you see the edge of the swamps. The muddy track of the swamp transitions into a plank road. And ahead of you, you see what looks like a river. Like an actual clear flowing river. Something that you have been dealing with for a couple days now after the I'll-fated encounter with the goblins is Ving took a spear in the butt and he was able to get the!

And he's able to get the spear in the butt and he's able to get the The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The It's not your butt. It's before your butt. No, but it's definitely my butt. Yeah. For me. Yeah. Yeah. So it's like that, but also I'm sleepy and feel really dumb. Okay. I think you might have used up your herbs and poultices. Used up? I'm asking. Two uses. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So no herbs and poultices.

Billy's out of golden root, which really isn't applicable for- I could use that right now. I'll take anything. Yeah. Right. But it's not really applicable for poison, unfortunately. And Dan, as you've come to realize, is more or less useless. So Ving has been poisoned. And now that you're out of the swamp, you're still dealing with a poisoned druid. So what do you guys do? I go up to the nearest willow tree and start biting at it. Is that going to do anything?

Just anything I can think of, all of my foraging knowledge is going to be slowing us down. He's going to delirious. Are you Ving shaped or are you still yak shaped? I'm slowly. I'm slowly going through all the ones. Oh, is it affecting your shape shifting? So you're kind of moving back and forth between a bunch of shapes? Yeah. Gross. Mostly my butt's still a yak. Like you're afraid to turn that back into Ving in case it does something weird with the poison?

One time I saw a guy get stung by a snake and then- Stung by a snake? Yeah, it was- With his mouth stingers? No, it had a butt stinger. It was a- It was one- It was- It was a bumble snake. I know, I'm happy with these existing. It's a bumble snake. Yeah, they- So is it- Does it have wings or is it like a fuzzy snake with stripes? No, it's a striped snake. They have wings but they can't fly. They're like a chicken. Yeah.

They have like leathery wings and they have like a stinger on the end of their tail. And they live in a slither hive, which is underground. This hive is made out of the- The skins that they shed? Yeah. Yeah, seasonally. I mean, I kind of like these things actually. They're kind of cool. That's what everyone says. If they sing you, they die. And then that's sad. Also, you die too. And that's sad. So what was the- What was the- Where was the story going?

I saw a guy get stung by a slither, a bumble slith. Bumble snake. Bumble. There's a lot of names. Bumble slith is the scientific name. Scientific name for them. Of course. Yes. Anyway. From the Latin bumble, which means to bumble. Bumble is the phylum and slither is the class. Sounds great. All right. So what's Tuck trying to say? Let me suck your butt. Yeah. That's what I- Actually, where I was going. Let me suck your butt.

I saw a guy get stung by a bumble snake and- And I want to suck your butt. Yeah. Someone sucked the venom out of- Out of his stinger. I should say that you don't know what kind of poison this is. So- So you might not want to suck it? Yeah. You might not want poison in your mouth. Do we have anything I can put- That's more of like a venom thing. Wait. Isn't it? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Yeah. Wait. Do we have like a leather, kind of a leather thing I can put over my mouth? Oh.

Like a mouth dental dam? Oh, we have that crystal cup. You do have a crystal cup? You could cup it. We could cup it. Cup. Yeah. Heat it. That's what we should do. Okay. Tuck. Let's make a little fire and then we'll heat up this cup and hopefully it doesn't break. Oh. I see. Cup mouth. How do you know how to do this? Because of science. Wait. I don't understand what we're doing. What are we doing? Cupping. You heat up- It's like you heat up a cup and you put it on a part of the body.

Creates a vacuum. Oh. Yeah. Well, let's do that then. Yeah. Good plan, Billy. But you got- Okay. This is- I was just going to suck his butt. So this is way better. Well, try it your way first. I don't know if this is something that Billy would necessarily know. He doesn't know how to do. He knows generally how to do it, but he doesn't really understand how it works. Yeah. So he kind of does like a little incantation or a dance or something to try to help it along. Okay.

So it'll be 2d6 plus intelligence. Plus your intelligence. Eight. Eight. So partial success. On a partial success with a defy danger, the GM will offer you a worse outcome, hard bargain, or ugly choice. So you lay Ving down on the ground. You stoke up a little fire. Get his butt out. Are we going to burn his butt? It's a risk that I'm willing to take. Okay. Should I rhinoceros up my butt? No, I'll just hold you down so that you don't squirm around. Don't make- Please don't stop making noise.

Oh, you're so heavy. Ving, please stop. Okay. So what would be- What if he doesn't know that you have to take the cup off? Yeah. So I'm like, okay, there you go. Hold this cup on your butt? I'm just like, is part of you now? So if Gil's in a cup. Like he's just going to have a crystal growth on his butt? Well, it just like, I'll just keep it there. And then like some of the poison just sits in the cup. Like you have to leave it on. Okay. Yeah. That'll suck back in.

But like, you're fine right now, but if you don't get help in the next like day, it's going to be really bad. Okay. Yeah. So you're okay. Well, let's make it a priority to find like a healer. Also yeah. You won't be able to change shape. That's what the thing is. You've got to hold this thing. So you won't be able to change shape until you get something done. Okay. That's the problem. Also, what's the weather like today? It's kind of overcast. It's like kind of windy. It's kind of beautiful.

Especially since you left the swamp. It's a very welcome change of the scene here. Yeah. It's actual fresh air. So you get to- Wait, Billy, look. I made a necklace out of these flowers. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I found. Wow. It's nice. Can you describe it to me? Because I'm not looking. It's like I alternated daisies and dandelions. Wow. I think it makes me look pretty. Bing, what do you think? It's beautiful. I mean, it's not, it's way too big for Billy. Yeah. I made it for me.

Well, I don't like it anymore then. Oh, okay. I'll wear it. Well, I made it for me though. Why is everyone upset about this? I just did this for myself. Dan just chimes in. So you made a necklace that you think is really cool, but you didn't make it for anybody and you didn't make any more necklaces? That's fine. Whatever. That's fine. I feel like this is, I feel like I'm being indicted for literally doing something that has no effect on anybody else.

Yeah, but bringing it up like it was- I'm going to make something for myself. Yeah. I'm just saying that it's kind of braggy. It's kind of braggy. Maybe it's a practice necklace for your friends. Making everyone else's. I can make more for you guys if you want. That's what we're saying. That's what I like to hear. That's what we like to hear. Do you guys want lanyards or bracelets? Oh my God. Or necklaces? It's too late. I already made myself a hula skirt. Oh, nice.

Okay, so Billy's wearing a grass skirt now? Yeah. Nice. Just like really shittily made. You look good though. Whatever. Why is everybody mad at me? Wow, Billy. All right. All right, you carry on and you get to like the river's edge and it's flowing and it's clear and it's beautiful. It's probably 10 meters across in both directions. It's sort of grass. It's grassland, small forests here and there in the distance and a mountain range that's far away. Are there any animals around?

What are you looking for? I'm just wondering. There's like birds. Oh, nice. You know, and then you maybe spy a deer in the distance. That bird over there is just complimenting your necklace, Billy. My skirt, you mean? Your skirt. Oh, thank you. I'm all delusional. I know. It's okay. I got this cup on my butt. I'm sorry, Bing. I feel sick. Thanks. So you get to the river's edge and you notice that there is no birds. What? There was a bridge and it's been washed out. Oh, man.

So you see like the piles where the bridge was like built on either side and you see some boards on either end, but then just water, Russian water. How deep is the river? You can't tell from here, but it looks like it's probably too deep to walk across. Is there any like rocks that are jutting out? That's a great question. How about you discern realities? So that's a 2D6 plus wisdom. Bing's just kind of just like, oh, I'm going to go to the river. I'm going to go to the river.

I'm going to go to the river. I'm going to go to the river. I'm going to go to the river. I'm going to go to the river. I'm going to go to the river. There's a bridge. There's a bridge. There's a bridge. There's a bridge. There's a bridge. There's a bridge. There's a bridge. There's a bridge. There's a bridge. There's a bridge. There's a bridge. There's a bridge. There's a bridge. There's a bridge. There's a bridge. There's a bridge. There's a bridge. There's a bridge. There's a bridge.

There's a bridge. There's a bridge. There's a bridge. There's a bridge. There's a bridge. There's a bridge. There's a bridge. There's a bridge. There's a bridge. There's a bridge. There's a bridge.

Not what it appears to be uh what here is useful or valuable to me okay a little bit further down uh the river you see some plants jutting up out of a section of the river with like a rock it's kind of like this eddy around this one stone and you think that if you were to cross you would have a chance to walk across like you wouldn't have to swim so it wouldn't be as dangerous but you'd still have to walk through the current of the river but you think that that's like a fording point hey guys let's go over there to the fording point good eye billy no problem I'm really liking this audio play cadence I don't know no you're doing great can you keep walking or do you need someone to carry you I'll be fine crab half of my body hummingbird other half circle circle circle maybe we should lift him up not me I'm not big enough dan says should we get him on daisy you I can walk I'm I'd rather not but I'm also not poisoned dan get off the horse okay no I'll be fine and then he uh maybe you should maybe you should get on the horse oh a horse all right I'm gonna pick you up and put you on the horse now oh you're strong dan help me okay and dan kind of helps you struggles to help you put ving on on daisy you make it to the fording point and to get across uh anybody that is walking across is gonna have to make a defy danger okay defy danger strength so 2d6 plus your strength d6 plus d6 roll it got a 10 yep so that is a success um is any who is anybody else walking I'm riding daisy dan will be walking uh billy is really small can I have a ride tuck yeah get on my shoulders thank you okay yeah so you have wicker and you can walk and you can walk and you can walk and you can walk and you can walk and you can walk and you can walk and you can walk and you can walk and you can walk and you can walk On your shoulders.

And I feel like a pirate. Or like a ship. No, just a pirate. I think it feels like the world is my ship. Hey, look at this. Look at me put my leg up on this rock. And then, Billy, can you make like a parrot sound? Hoo-hoo. Nice. Parrot. Billy's never seen a parrot. I don't know. No, that's exactly what they sound like in this world. Yeah. Hoo-hoo. Actually, I guess, yeah, I guess Billy's never seen one, but I guess Tuck's probably seen a parrot before. It was close.

And so Dan sticks close to you, and he drags Daisy along with a vang on his back, and you guys cross the river successfully. But Daisy, she doesn't like the water at all. No? So I'm trying to dangle a carrot in front of her, but she doesn't like carrots either, so then I have to dangle it behind her. Motivates her through the water. Yeah, you see Daisy cross the river successfully trying to get away, from a carrot, I think is the implication. She's an idiot. She's not a very smart horse. No, no.

Most of them aren't. But you guys crossed the river successfully. Yeah. Congratulations. You did it. Now you're on the other side of the river. And on this side, the grass is soft. The few trees that you see around you are kind of singular trees, but they're blowing in the wind. There's a willow tree kind of waving its little tendrils. Are they called tendrils? The little tendrils on the willow tree.

Wicker says that you're still, like she hops down and you see her underneath one of the willow trees, she finds a clump of one of those orange flowers. Wait, can you ask Wicker how close we are to the place that we're going? Sure. Yes, the beautiful language of cats. I don't think he can right now. Yeah, that's a rooster noise for sure. Oh. I flop off Daisy and go eat the orange flower. Oh. On all fours. Oh. Should I stop him? I gotta stop him. Oh, we should stop him. I probably.

I'm going towards it like this. So you have a chance. I gotta pick him up. And just, yeah. Hold him. But she, yeah, she keeps walking and she stops and she looks back and she meows again. And you can hear that she's saying this way. Should I scout ahead or anything like that? Yeah, so you don't really need to make a roll for that. You see that over the next rise, another branch of the river, it looks like it kind of flows back around a little bit and you see a cluster of buildings. Oh, cool.

Ooh. Wait, before we go, can I use my wide wanderer move to figure out something about this area? Potentially. Wide wanderer is for important traditions, rituals, and so on and so on. So what do you want to know? Like who the native peoples are, what their religions and beliefs are. That's a lot of questions. Let me try and narrow it down. Yeah, narrow it down a little bit. Just tell me everything about this community. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. There's a ton of fun.

Um, this is, uh, they call it Bullrush Village and it's just a small fishing village on, um, what's this river called? Bullrush River. Bullrush River. Bullrush Village on Bullrush River. Cool. So yeah, it's just a small fishing village and they get by, by subsistence fishing. They trade a little bit with nearby villages. People used to come through here to get to the swamps and the places beyond.

And that doesn't really happen so much anymore since the swamps sort of started getting more and more dangerous. There's a city that's like two or three days travel from here. Uh, what is this city called? Okay. No, here's what we'll do. Okay. So we say it at the same time. Look at my mouth. The city is called Largeburg. Largeburg. The city is called Largeburg. Okay. Largeburg. Largeburg. L-A-R-G. L-A-R-G. B-U-R-G. Throw some Y's in there. Umlauts. Leersburg. Yes. Leersburg. Leierburg.

Leierburg. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. Largeburg. Largeburg. Uh, okay. So. Yes. Largeburg. Let me write down Largeburg. Largeburg. High vote no. Largeburg is annoying to say. Okay. Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine. I will generate a name with a random name generator and that. Unionston. Ranta. Ranta. Ranta. Yes. They still rant. At Ranta. Well, Jessica's downvoting all the names. You come up with a name. No, I'm sorry. No, it's fine. No, that's fine. You come up with a name. It's fine. Jessica.

That's fine. No, no, no. No, I don't want to. I want to know. No, Billy's having a bad day. If our names are not good, I would like to know what is a good name. Please. No, I want to see this happen. I don't want to. Three. Yes. Two. One. One. She's not into it. Not into it. Okay. The next thing you say. What about? It will be the name of the town. Atrum. Mantra. Atrum. Maybe. Okay. Does it need to be something fantasy? Florida. Yes. Florida. Florida. What's like a fantasy-ish? Oh, yeah.

Something EM. Or like a. Fringe. Fringe. Like an adjective noun city. Adjective. Oh, yeah. Like it ends in L-Y? High Spears. That's good. High Spears. Largeburg. That's a good adjective noun. Pretty good, actually. I wish we had come up with that a few minutes ago. I do like High Spear. High Spear City. Yes. Let's go with High Spear. Jessica. High Spear. High Spear is a good name for a city. High Spear. High Spear. And it's up on a hill. High Spearites? High Spearians. High Spearions.

High Spearions. High Spearions. Oh, yeah. They sound kind of like. You're the High Spearions. Yeah. They sound like the. We train on Sunday. They sound like Gerard Butler. Yes. We are the 300 High Spearions. There's only 25 of us. It's me, Gerard Butler from 300, and this is definitely Italy. Can I come up with a theme song for High Spear? Yeah, but not right now. Oh. Because I have questions I want to ask you guys, and your theme songs are always three minutes long.

I promise it won't be more than 20 seconds. I promise, guys. Fine. Fine. Fine. 20 seconds. I promise. Can someone put a timer on? Hello, everybody. Welcome to High Spear. Welcome to High Spear, where we go to tell an area, walk into a river, too. Welcome to High Spear. This is a way that we give a welcome to our people from outside the city of High Spear. Bum, bum, bum, bum. High Spear. Check out our water park. They got you. They got you. They got you. They got you. They got you. They got you.

They got you. They got you. They got you. They got you. So is this like Tacoma remembered the song for High Spear? It's like, this is how it goes. Everyone loves High Spear. Come on down to High Spear. Spend some money on some churros. So what I was going to ask you. Get some motherfucking churros. High Spear. You said 20 seconds ago. Now that's over 20 seconds. I'm so sorry. So this is what I was going to ask.

I want you guys to help me build, because this is just a place that you might end up going later. High Spear City is most well known for Abdul in the water park. Okay. There's water parks. It's got a giant mall with a water park inside it. Whoa. Cool. Yes. It's called High Spear Mall. Yeah. It's called West High Spear Mall. It's got great ration court for mall West High Spear Mall. Like a food court in this world. The ration court. Not all food is rations. I should say. I should point out.

You guys have eaten lots of non ration food. Yes, but it is a giant bazaar. It's only dried out crackers and potted beef. And okay. Last question is there is something left over that used to be an amazing piece of technology when the Wizards were there and now it doesn't work anymore. And that thing is Jessica. Is there like a correct answer? No, you're making it up. What amazing piece of magical technology used to exist in High Spear City and doesn't work anymore, but it's still there.

Oh, I know that. There's a chocolate factory in the mall and they have these special elevators. No, no, no. Hear me out. Yeah. Yeah. You go. Okay. And then when they shut them all down, like the elevator just kind of stopped working wherever they were. So there's all these elevators are just like flowed like kind of floating midair in these certain places and no one can get on them. So this mall is shut down to know is the mall still open or is there a chocolate factory when the Wizards left?

Oh, the chocolate factory. Stopped working and the elevator stopped working to yes. Of rancid chocolate that they can't get rid of because it's only access by accessible by elevator. Yeah, or the HVAC system like you could go through the ducts Magic Chocolate Factory put the HVAC thing in there to rancid chocolate Lake. It's an infinite loop of rotten chocolate and what was that was the other thing the HVAC. Yeah, you can go through the ventilation system to get.

Get into the rancid Lake of chocolate the brown ring. They call it please explain that joke to me the brown ring like a butthole chocolate ring. We said it's an infinity loop of rancid chocolate. How are you not thinking about buttholes right now? I'm sorry. Paul thinks about butts a lot. All right. Well, that's true. So yeah, that's what you know about nearby. I spear City and Bull Rush Village. We should maybe go try and see if there's a healer in that community.

Yeah, so you you walk a little bit further and eventually you come to this village. It's a village village like whereas mudlark was more of like a medium to small size town. This is like a tiny village. There are all clapboard buildings. They're clustered mostly around the river. This is obviously some kind of small fishing village and it looks like it's mostly people drying fish and cleaning clothes and is there anyone nearby we can talk to there's a middle-aged woman.

And she's weaving things out of grass. What's her hair color? Yeah, what does she look like? She's sort of lean and she's got kind of dark skin and short hair and she's wearing a very simple homespun dress with like a cord tied around the middle and she's wearing very simple slippers. Okay, and she's weaving almost like fabric out of grass. I could go up to her because I'm replete in my grass skirt. Hi there. Where are you? Where are you coming from? Hello. We're coming from the swamp, I guess.

Oh, you came from that horrible place. She like gets down on her knees and she's like, oh you look at you. You little you cute little thing. You thank you. Look at your little grass skirt. What were you doing in that dangerous swamp? And she looks up at tuck and goes, why would you let this boy wander around in that dangerous place? Well, we is a long story, but we we took a commission to go take this guy Dan. He owns a food cart.

Dan says hi and we took him into the town of mudlark for the hot dog Festival. She goes, you know what? You know what? You look like you've been on the road for a long time. Okay, let me try and make it concise. No, no, no, no, no. My name is Tacoma and I'm originally from Macau, but I am not originally originally from Macau. I don't know where my parents are from. I was raised by a man named Bruce. She she as you're talking.

She walks up to like Dan and Billy and she says do you guys want something to eat? Yeah. Yes, let's do it. Let's do that. Wait, but then I look at Ving but that but before I follow her for food, I'm like I point Ving. I'm like he's been poisoned. Is there a doctor or a healer around and she yeah, she looks at Ving and sees that you look like you're dying. Well, we'll get we'll get you to the hall. We should be able to find somebody. Come on. God bless you, sir. Okay. My name is Tacoma.

By the way. I don't know. I don't think I introduced myself. She says no, that's fine. That was the literally the first thing that you told me. Well, it's Tacoma Dome. Don't forget it. And then I wink at her. That's wonderful. My name is Alec E and we'll we'll get you all set up. Okay, Tacoma. Thank you. No problem. So she like takes Billy's hand and starts walking that makes Billy a little nervous. But only because he doesn't know how to react. So he just is very stiff. Okay.

She takes you to the central building in the village, which is. A fairly large long Hall like a Viking Hall kind of where it's a long building that's all the way open and there's a fire pit in the middle and there are people eating and talking kids playing and she sits you down at a table and she brings you bowls of stew with fish in it and vegetables and some green onions or something something that tastes like what we would understand to be green onions. You don't know what they are though.

It's pretty tasty fantasy West. After. Keep. Reminding people. It's a world unlike our own. And she says, all right, I'll go and see if I can find someone to take a look at your friend here. Alec. He hustles off and you guys are left with the people of this village. Is there anything you want to do while you're waiting? I guess we talked to them. You guys want to talk? What do you want to know? I'm just like what what the vibe is what the vibe is. Okay, cool.

So you want to know about like traditions and stuff. Mm-hmm. So they bury their dead. In a like communal tomb, which is sort of outside the village and it's underground. It's like I'm like a crypt not just a hole in the ground with pile of bodies. And are there any tales associated with this crypt? Well, I mean the usual with crypts like hauntings. Yes, and that's pretty much it like unquiet spirits. Okay, cool. And I don't want to go there. Okay. Well, you're in really sick.

I just you're in no, I'm just a little worried because we're talking about tombs. Yeah. I hear you guys talking about. What this tomb a lot of like and I think that maybe I might be dying. Yeah, we're getting excited about their tomb, but you know what? We haven't stopped thinking about buddy is your ass this cup on my butt in the poison inside of it, but Billy we should definitely go to that to him though.

Yeah, we should maybe like when things better so we don't like because he's starting to like starting to get scared. I think he might have beat himself a little bit. Hot in here. You guys hot. I know his he is like he's got the mouth of a dog. And the eyes of a man and it is fucking terrified. I didn't want to say anything but yeah, and he also smells pretty bad right now. It's been so hard to look at him.

All right, and so Alec he comes back and she's got an older woman and she's got like gray hair that's hanging down in like several braids and some of the braids are braided into each other. Alec. He says this is who dear and she is. Sort of the the herbalist of the town. Oh, thank God. Yeah, I can smell an herbalist in the room finger. You blind now. I can smell it my mouth. Oh God. Yak sound throat is the only thing that was transformed into a yak. Can you please help our friend?

We think he's dying. Oh and who do is like, oh, yes. Yes, of course. I'll come here. Come here. Come here young man. Come here. I'm hey, hey Daisy. Hey, come here. Yeah, she's just saying that she's approaching you but she keeps going. Hey, come here. I'm here. I'm I'm please. Here. I am. Hey looking around the room guys. Where'd you get hurt? Where is it? I am back here under this cup in my butt. And she looks down. She like crutches down by your butt and she like is looking at the cup.

What what is why did? Who did this? Billy just like how looks around like way to not just waiting and I tuck does a thing where he like kind of stretches and points at Billy and she goes because this is pretty ingenious. I got to say thanks and then does a thing where you turn this the thumb back to himself and then he points with both fingers at his face. She says it's localized the poison into this part of a part of the butt. It's going to make it a lot easier.

But I'm glad that you made it here when you did because another day and this would have been a quite a sticky situation. What a million shot doc one million shot and she says, all right, I'm going to I'm going to take a look at your friend, but he's going to need the rest of the day to rest up maybe more but we'll check. We'll take a look in the morning. Thank you. And she starts like pulling stuff out of her bag.

She's got leaves and and roots and berries and she's kind of mushing them up and throws one in her mouth that she chews them up. And then she she pulls the cup off and she like takes out of the mash out of her mouth and presses it onto your butt. Oh, and she takes some cloth that she had and she ties it around your waist holding the poultice against your butt and she ties it off. She says no, no, no, no vigorous activity for the rest of the day down and rest. Get some get some good sleep.

Get some good sleep. I do. I feel extremely tired. Get some good sleep and we'll check on you in the morning. I'm going to go to bed. I'm going to go to bed. I'm going to go to bed. I'm going to go to bed. I'm going to go to bed. Make sure he gets some good sleep. Okay, we will thank you who dare you're welcome and she sort of backs out but looks at you the whole time. She's backing out of the room but keeping eye contact. Wow.

So Alec he asked whisker wicker to follow her wicker to stay close to her. I want to know where she lives wicker looks at you like why I guess I just want to be able to repay her the debt. What's in it for me wicker asks. Hmm. Hmm. Whatever present I give to her. I'll give one to you parlay you parlay with this cat duty six plus your charisma for four. That is a failure.

Mark one experience wicker seems really offended that you would even ask she what she gets up and she is starting to walk away off the table that she was sitting on and she looks and she says I belong to no one and she hops and she runs out of the out of the room. She's like, I don't know. I don't know. I'm out of the hall. She just she's left Billy runs after okay by the time you get out there.

She she's not insight and then he like falls down to his knees and he's like and like his little fists and he's like wicker. So ends the tale of adventures three who tried the best they can though dumb and scared and lost maybe for times of rest in revelry. Revelry And though our journey may be like a conclusion We will not leave you without a resolution Return next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores and for you I'd gladly spell dawn

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Vinga's half-elf, he shifts his shape and wields a spear with great might Billy's a thief, his tiny size does mask the Larch's heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends and listen close For the tale's about to start Last time on Spout Lore So Ving has been poisoned.

Now that you're out of the swamp, you're still dealing with a poisoned druid. Well, let's make it a priority to find like a healer. And you see a cluster of buildings. They call it Bullrush Village. My name is Aliki and we'll get you all set up. I point at Ving. I'm like, he's been poisoned. Is there a doctor or a healer around? This is Houdir and she is sort of the herbalist of the town. She takes some cloth that she had and she ties it around your waist, holding the poultice against your butt.

She says, no, no, no, no vigorous activity for the rest of the day. And rest, get some good sleep, get some good sleep. Wicker, stay close to her. I want to know where she lives. Wicker seems really offended that you would even ask. And she runs out of the hall. She just, she's left. Billy runs after her. Okay. By the time you get out there, she's not in sight. And then he like falls down to his knees and he's like, Wicker!

And a teenage boy with like a stick over his shoulder with fish hanging off of it stops and looks at you like, are you okay? I don't say anything because I'm just crying so much. He stares at you for a couple seconds, sees that you're weeping and then looks around and walks away. So Aliki sits down and she's eating a bowl of stew. And she says, so what was this you were doing in the swamps? Why have you come to Bull Rush? Well, we came here pretty unintentionally.

We were escaping the swamps because we murdered by accident Emperor of the Bullywugs. Bullywugs, yes. Thank you. Oh, yeah. No, we've heard of Bullywugs. We've seen them on the edge of the swamp before. Yeah, they are dicks. And pissed right now. Yes. Are they still out there? Well, I think they lost. We stole a magic artifact that they were worshipping, I think. Stole a magic artifact? Yeah, there's a lot that I still don't understand. What? Maybe Ixtay on the article magic, eh?

I don't speak your dirty elf tongue. Speak the common tongue. No, I understand. You don't have to say any more about this magical artifact if you don't want to. I understand. It might be. It might be. It might be. It might be. It might be. It might be. It might be worth a lot of money. We don't know. Oh, my God. Talk. Shut up. Hey, I'm not. I'm not saying anything else about this thing.

We were charged with a responsibility to take it to a very special place to keep it safe because it is a very probably expensive thing. I don't know. Oh, my God. It could be worthless. Or worth full of money. Anyway. It's mostly full of his poops, though. Also, yes. I do. I did lie about shitting inside of it, but there's definitely no shit in it. But we don't know that because we didn't have our eyes on it the whole time. So there might be poo in it.

Just a warning in case you're interested, which hopefully you're not because there's poo in it. Anyway, do you have a husband or companion? Says no, not as such. Cool. I'm a strong boy. I can see that. I can see that. Yes. One time I. I. What? One time I. Tell him, Tuck. Yeah. Yeah. Well, one time I saved a puppy. Great. Well done. That's very kind of you. That's very kind. And I'm also sensitive. Daisy kind of shuffles and. Yeah.

She's sticking her head in through the window like one of those one of the animals in the big friendly giant. Like she's just been listening to all of this. Do you guys all just kind of tell your tales? Because she lives in a small village. She's just thrilled. Sure. We can tell stories. Yeah. What's your story, little boy? Well, I'm nine. I think I grew up in the Everwood Valley with some other people like me, but not my parents.

I don't know where they went and no one really liked me that much. And so I had to leave. And then Tuck found me and he made me go with him. Made you made you go with him? Yes. Yes. You mean you didn't want to come with this man? Billy, what are you doing? Shut up. I didn't. Well, he never asked. He never asked if I wanted to go. He just kind of picked me up. And I and like, look at me. We didn't kidnap this naked boy. I did not. Yeah, I didn't take him.

We had like a moment in front of a fire over a jackalope. A non-sexual moment. Yes. He tried to steal jackalope from me and I didn't let him. And then we bonded. And then I didn't. I didn't ask him to come with me, but I definitely didn't kidnap him. I just put that morning. I put my pack on and I got my stuff together. I started walking away and then I looked back over my shoulder at Billy. And then I did one of these like what I I'm like, come on, kid. Well, I thought you had something for me.

And then I just followed you for a long time. You didn't have anything. So. Oh, we just kept walking, I guess. And then we got into adventures. And here we are. Yes. Wait, are you telling me we're together? Because you. Didn't realize I was inviting you to adventure with me. Look, I don't have like a lot of social skills. I'm just kind of learning on the fly here. He thought I was calling you over to give you something. And then we just walked for months. When's he going to give me that thing?

I'm still not sure if I'm getting anything or not. What about you, Elf? I'm just sort of trying to figure things out and I need money to do it. So I've lumped in with these lumps. Oh, that's wonderful. In West North Northfalia, I was born and raised. West Northfalia? Is that where you're from? On the frozen plains. I spent most of my days. What kind of stuff did you do? Mostly chilled out to the max because of how cold it was. And played ice ball most of the day. Yes.

Where would you usually play it? On the ice ball court. Oh, I don't know. So… Yeah, and you… Is there more to this? No, I forgot the rest of the song. Oh, you were a couple of guys who were up to no good. A couple of walruses that were up to no good started fucking my dad in my neighborhood. Wow. So my mom got mad and left my dad. And I left for the woods. I left for the woods. I'd like to point out that this contradicts almost everything you've said about Ving's backstory.

I'm assuming that it's because of the poison. I need to sleep. She says, well, you're welcome. You're all welcome to stay here in the hall for the night. And Hootier will be by in the morning to check you out. Make sure everything's good. And if there's anything that you need, just don't hesitate to ask. We're real kind here in Bolt Rush Village. Thank you. Yeah, of course. Of course. No problem. Thank you for regaling me with your tales of the outside world. Yes. Come back anytime. I will.

I will. I will. Yes. I will. I am single. Also. I remember. Cool. I'll see you around. Later. As a way. Pretty. Goodbye. And I bow. She walks out of the hall and you see like there's two old men on the other side of the hall that see you do that and hear you and they just laugh to each other. Yeah. So, you know what? Pick up nine wasn't half bad. Yeah, it was all bad. Fucking Stadler and Waldorf. That's like my favorite Stadler and Waldorf joke. It's good for everything. It's so good. Yeah.

So, and the sun begins to set. And yeah, you guys just sleeping here in the hall. I was maybe toying with the idea of finding where this, what's her name? Who dear? No, no. The other one. Allaki? Yeah. Finding where Allaki lives and writing her a poem. And then like telling it to her outside of her window. What is the? And then maybe, you know, trying to make a connection. Okay. Cause I think the poetry thing is kind of funny. Yeah.

If you want to do like a Romeo and Juliet Cyrano de Bergerac sort of bullshit. Billo, do you want to be my Cyrano? No, I'm busy. I have to do something. Okay. We'll cut back to that in a second. I want to see what this is. Okay. So the sun is, the sun is down. There are a couple of torches that have been lit around town. The fire in the hall is kind of stoked pretty consistently by just people that pass by. It seems like everybody's keeping an eye on the fire, making sure that it stays lit.

And what's Billy's plan for the evening? So Billy's been strolling around looking for something similar to a raccoon skin. Oh, okay. But all he sees are fish and he's like, maybe not. And so he feels like a pleasant breeze blown around his hair and his little, little grass skirt. And he goes and wanders and finds a little log to sit and dip his toes in the water. Oh, nice. And then he sings happy birthday to himself. Oh. Because he's 10 now. Oh no. Oh my God. Billy's 10 years old now?

Billy's 10. Oh, 10 year old boy. Oh, no matter. Oh man. But he thinks. Yeah. It just feels like the time is right. It feels like maybe it's around the time of his birthday. Yeah. That's cool. Yeah. It's kind of sad. Yeah. Well, he doesn't have parents, so. Yeah. So yeah, you're, you're singing whatever happy birthday. So does that sound like anything in particular? It's my birthday today. I think it's today. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. It's my birthday. Maybe. Maybe.

You hear like a little rustle in the grass near the river. And Wicker pokes her head out and hops up on the log and slowly walks up to you. And then I put my arms around her and we snuggle. Oh. He is. Man. What a good birthday. Oh. That's nice. Best birthday. Okay. So we'll cut to Ving now. Yeah. And Ving's just lying in the long grass like he was calling for Wicker. Wicker. But sleeping. Kind of like in a half crawled that fell asleep. Wicker. Wicker. Wicker. There you go. Wicker.

Something's just asleep in the grass. Yeah. Okay. Calling for Wicker's name. Beautiful. Did you guys leave all your stuff in the hall, I guess? Are you all like, I imagine you're not all hauling all your shit around. I have the bag of loot with me. Oh, the coins and the cup and the book? Yes. Okay. Cool. Cool. Cool. And the box. We never go anywhere without the box. Yeah. It's strapped to my back. The box is strapped to your back at all times? Always. Okay. It's the most important thing. Yeah.

Totally. Yes. Interesting. Okay. I won't put the cup down that was on my butt for so long. Oh, yeah. No. Thankfully, the cup is just a little bit full of poison. Just a tiny bit. It looks like you're just passed out. Like you got too drunk. You know what? Something to keep in mind. Billy the Poisoner. You have a little bit of that Gobbo poison available. I'll say one use. You don't know what it is. You don't know what it does. But you know, it's pretty messed up. Is it in a vial or something?

It's in the cup. Do I come? Oh, I know. You have it. You get it. This is just something to keep in mind. We don't have to mess with it right now if we don't want to. Because I was thinking if I was stumbling back from my log with Wicker in my arms. Oh, and you find Ving. Yeah, I find Ving and I could take the cup with me. Perfect. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, great.

So you just find Ving sprawled out in the grass with Wicker in your arms or walking with you because you're kind of almost the same size. I'm like dragging her. Yeah. Oh, like when a baby holds a cat under the front arms and just traps. Yeah. Yeah. So you grab the poison. And yeah, so now you have this little vial of or this little one, like one dose of goblin poison. But once you take some time to look at it with your new move brewer, you'll be able to remake it.

Can they overhear Ving like sleep, apologize? Like just to start the ball rolling and the ending of this. I'm so sorry. You want Wicker to hear that? I mean, are you saying it like a cat? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So you hear Ving meowing. You don't know what it is, but you hear her here. Or you feel Wicker kind of tense up a little bit and like relax and tense up like she's trying to work through something. Yeah. And now we'll cut to Tacoma. To rest, to rest my head upon some bread. Punts of bread.

All right. Maybe at this point, Billy also walks by with a cat and a cup full of poison. Billy. What? Yeah. Good haul. Thanks. What are you doing? What did you do? Nothing. Okay. You know, I believe you because we're friends. Yep. Do you need help? Yes. I'm writing a poem. Oh, okay. Do you want to hear what I have so far? Yeah. Okay. To the beautiful Aleki. It's for Aleki. I kind of got that. Yes. And it's so that I can have adult. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know. Time with her.

I have seen this. Yeah. I'm sorry about that. It's fine. Yes. It is in this case though, it will be both of us, not just me alone in the reeds. Oh, okay. Oh, I haven't seen that then. Okay. Cool. Mostly just a lot of what you do. Yeah. Which you also call adult alone time. Yes. This is couples adult alone time that I'm trying to persuade her to help with. Okay. I'm just like really confused. Billy, you'll understand when you grow old and you need the touch of another. I'm sorry.

I don't know how much to tell you. Like my father died when I was very young, my adopted father, and he was maybe too open about this kind of stuff. He would walk around with a house robe open, no underwear. It's weird. So, I'm trying to protect you from that. Billy's already sat down. Okay. I'm going to be a while. All right. But that's the context of this poem that I'm writing. Okay. So, I'm going to find her home and then tell it to her. Okay.

And then hopefully, then the rest will unfold like I want it to. Here's the poem so far. To the beautiful Alaki, you have put a spell on me. Nice. Pretty good. Yes. Your supple breasts- Okay. Are on your chest. Yep. Your eyes so green, the hue of a ball runs. Oh, I love that. I love that. I love that. The hue of a ball rug spleen. Nice. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. That's all I have. I mean, I think she'll be into it. It kind of covers everything.

I want to go in with like this and then this is what I want to do to you. Okay. I was thinking to rest my head upon your bed. Okay. Uh. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman. There's a woman.

Tacoma like Tacoma writing like a rhyming poem That's just A-B-A-B Or A-A-B-B-C-C-D-D And Billy just suggesting any word He can think of On fire Okay great You're just humoring your child basically That's good On fire My head upon your bed To make you feel on fire That's nice I thought so Your hands are like A bunch of Grapes Yeah Your hands are like a bunch of grapes Your hands are like a bunch of grapes Sorry go ahead No please I was just gonna riff Like They make me feel Like Shit Nothing rhymes with grapes Well cut to Thing Asleep in the grass Overcoming the effects of the poison and the medicine You have a dream Tell me about the last time That you saw your father It was The day of my mother's funeral And it was in the frozen north No he didn't come back To her funeral So I left her funeral And went straight I It was the first time That I turned Into An owl Which was Her favorite animal She died And My sadness Was the first time that I was able to fully turn That was the first time you turned into anything?

Yeah fully And it was a White owl Snow owl That's pretty cool And I took off to the forest to confront him What was that like?

Awful It was very hard emotionally In Ving's mind In his dreamscape We see Flapping The trees Blizzard in my face Yeah forever Tears frozen on my owl's cheek And then the trees Kind of come out of the snow And the daunting Wall Of forest That is the beginning of the great forest That stretches for miles and miles and miles and miles and miles And you come back to the forest and you're like come upon your father he's sitting on a stump like deep in the trees what do elves look like like we do are they are we just talking like tolkien like pale pointy ears long hair pretty much uh but like way more flaps like they don't wear as much clothing as elves do in in okay so it's like more burning man yeah clothing brighter colors okay yeah and he's he's sitting on a stump and he's he's carving uh a shaft for an arrow and he looks up because he sees the the owl swoop through the trees uh and I circle and fall on the ground and uh and confront him about my mother's death and asked him why he wasn't there he says you know I couldn't and why paul why wasn't he allowed to go I always thought in my adolescent sort of naivete that because because he didn't respect her because she was a human I thought he was too much of a snob an elven snob but what was the real reason she was he was scared of her she was very powerful oh she was how is she powerful I don't entirely know oh I always thought that the father was the one where I got my powers oh but the truth is is that and ving doesn't even really understand this but it was from your mother but me oh okay so uh in your dream he says that to you he explains like I couldn't go she was too powerful she'd never forgive me for what I did and there's a quivering the air is quivering behind him like he's sitting at a wi-fi hotspot oh in the dream okay and maybe my mom's watching from beyond it she could be a wizard I don't know what okay I'm having a sense yeah yeah yeah yeah pretty dope um and he looks up at you and he says you shouldn't have come here uh I I said you should have been there oh and uh he the last thing he says is you shouldn't have come here and he stands up and he knocks the arrow he's been carving and he shoots it at you you wake up yeah exactly just the moon right above you right in your face yeah I could see my breath you see the silhouette of an owl against the moon yeah and just barely a parrot in the distance I noticed that I have a large like a boner like a night erection really big one all right and then we cut back to tuck and billy uh wicker has kind of wriggled out of your arms at this point and she's getting a little peckish so she wanders off to go hunt okay so you're yeah you're you find uh aliki's um uh house and you're like yes and uh like all of the living spaces in this it's the living spaces in in bulrush village are either small one family shacks or they're large buildings where multiple families live together and uh unfortunately for you aliki lives in the one one of the ones with multiple families uh okay so how do you get her attention well we're walking up and I'm like thanks for helping with this billy oh did I go to the hospital I'm like I'm gonna go to the hospital I'm gonna go to the hospital I'm gonna go to the hospital I'm gonna go to the hospital I'm gonna go to the hospital come along for this yes you wanted me to witness what you want to do with you want me a witness adult bedroom memories yeah I don't want you to watch what we do after but as your surrogate father you should see how or your mom uh we you should see how this is done just so you know how to do it when the time comes you're training billy how to pick up yes so you the first thing you do is you neg them you you're like hey you give them a compliment that is also an insult and then you touch them it's called establishing kino and then you escalate and then you move to a different location it's all in this book called the game I was gonna say is this copyrighted pickup material yes all right so how do you get how do you get aliki's attention uh I I'm like okay I'm gonna okay aliki aliki this is slowly torches being lit here and you see um the the house is dark because it's nighttime and people are sleeping yes and you see um you see a figure stand in the window is that you aliki who's that what no I don't want are you are you aliki who is this who are you it's the middle of the goddamn night I understand that so stop making so much fucking noise you're you're shouting yes and so are you so maybe this is a situation where you shouldn't throw stones from a house that I can probably fucking push over aliki some guys here trying to knock our house down aliki aliki please come quickly aliki and then she like she's like what what is going what is going on tacoma is that is that you yes aliki it's the small boy yes uh he's not gonna be involved much longer in this thing that we're doing what I wanted to um I uh I want I I start to get really nervous now uh I I when I saw you in the hall I was taken by your beauty um and I uh I want I wrote you a poem um and it's um um!!

Um! Um! I think I'm in love with you for crab's sakes. Hey, Lucky. I know this world is right for you. Hey, Lucky. My lust is true. Okay. And Vink comes walking out of his cabin. You guys thought he was in bed. Okay. Okay. 1D6 plus 1D8. And if the D6 is higher than the D8 in outcome, then something bad happens. Okay. So maybe do it separately. Or something complicates the situation based on your mortal pleasure. You have to do it separately. I hope it is because I would love to complicate this.

So the D6 is 4 and the D8 is 5. Oh. And I got a 9. Plus your charisma. Plus 1 is 10. Plus my charisma is… This really worked out for me. Tuck is doing well in the ladies. Plus 2. So 12. Nope. 11. Where did that plus 1 come from? It was because it's a mortal pleasure. Do you get plus 1 when you're doing that? Yes. No, it's that you roll a D6 and a D8. Oh, okay. So you have the possibility of rolling higher because you have an extra 2. Okay. Then 11. Fuck me. Nope.

Throughout the song, you can initially see, especially when you got to your supple breasts are on your chest. She kind of scrunches up her face a little bit. But then throughout the rest of the song, she kind of softens a little bit and she's smiling like she more or less thinks it's funny. She's like, okay. All right. That was… That was something else. Thank you. How about you go back to the hall? You get some sleep and I'll see you in the morning.

Oh, I really thought that the winning roll would have got me a different result. Okay. Okay. The winning roll doesn't mean that you automatically get to… Fuck somebody. That's what I was trying to do with the poll. No, but you have made a positive impression on her. It's just not like… You're not going to be like, hey, do you want to go fuck in that room full of your family members? No, that's not a poll. Well, I assume you have a corner that is your home.

But she says, I'll see you in the morning. I liked your song. Thank you. I liked your song. I have another song called Bring Me to Life. If you want to hear it, me and Billy can do it as a duet. I don't really want to. Well, I'll just do it on my own then. I'll do both parts. That's fine. Yes. She says, I just… How about you? That was great. That was great. Thank you. Thank you for… No one's ever written me a song before. It's kind of my thing, gallery owner. I'll see you in the morning.

La tropes. That's how we say goodbye in certain communities, I think. Good night, Tacoma. Bye, Alecky. Get the hell out of here. Hey, fuck you, old man. I'll come out there and I'll fuck you up. Man, do it. I don't… I am flying so high right now. I'll see you in the morning. I will see you in the morning. Okay, then. Good. I'll see you at breakfast. Neither of you know what each other looks like. Good night, then. Good night. I hope you sleep well, old man. I will. Good. I hope you do, too.

I hope you have dreams of pumpkin spice. That's… Specific, but I'm into it. Yeah, it's delicious. I hope you reflect on some personal troubles and you wake up in the morning feeling a bit better about it. I hope I will, and I appreciate your sentiment. I feel like I've made a good friend tonight. Good. Me, too. I feel like we are birds of a feather. Now get the hell out of here, you piece of shit. Fuck you. Okay, so yeah, you guys do a quick… You guys do a little interstitial.

Bing's there now, too. Yeah. Oh, yes. He's going to walk by. That was… Amazing. Thank you. Billy helped a lot with the song. And moral support. Yes. Because he made me. Yes. I forced him, too. You gotta force a Billy. Yes. But thanks for helping with that, guys. You're welcome. Do you think she liked it? Oh, yeah. She liked it. Yeah? She loved it. I can't tell, but it seemed okay. Man, awesome. I think everybody loved it. Yeah. That's the sense I got. The whole town didn't seem to mind.

Everyone does seem to be awake now. Everyone? Yeah. Yeah, you see like a man, just like a middle-aged man, standing outside of one of the huts, like rubbing his eyes and looking at you like really angrily. Hey, did you like that song? And he just like picks up a spear. I'm going to say that's a resounding yes. He doesn't. He's fine. You carry on. And you guys make it back to the hall. There are people here and there.

You get the impression that if people don't have like a family or a large family, they just kind of sleep in the hall. So there's people like curled up in the corners and slumped near the fire, just kind of hanging out. There's a couple. Those old men from earlier are both like face down on the table next to each other with like empty mugs in front of them, just kind of snoozing into each other's faces. Dan is curled up in a corner, sleeping on his little satchel. Do horses sleep standing up?

No. Yes. Who knows for sure? Daisy's asleep in whatever configuration a horse usually sleeps in. Cool. You see her at like outside the window. Nice. And yeah, your little corner is all warm and toasty. Nice. Go to bed. All right. I'm wide awake. I literally just woke up. After a good like poison fever dream where your dad killed you. Yeah. I got some shit to work at. So I just go and say good. Night to guys and go pick the biggest log and throw in the fire. Yeah.

Sit down next to it and tend the fire for people. I imagine for some reason what I imagined was that you said goodbye to everyone and then you went out into a glade in the moonlight and you did Tai Chi. It was Qigong. And yeah, that's where we'll call it for tonight. As the as the moon carries on on its journey across the skies. End of session questions. Anybody have a bond they feel like has been resolved? Yeah, I don't have any bonds. Yeah, I figured it's more.

It was more of a story session when you guys kind of hung out with people. Anybody fulfill their alignment? Is that song in? Yeah, I'd say waking everybody up in the middle of the night to sing a loud song about wanting to fuck somebody in the town. Most of it was about.

Love yeah I would just like to point that out some of it was about boobies yeah it's definitely saying the song is about just fucking her is a bit reductive and I don't appreciate it you're totally right how wrong of me but you're dead but it was definitely a skewing a convention of the civilized world so I get xp for the first time ever I think that's that that technically I have done it before have you done it before okay uh all right well great so now you get a point uh help someone or something grow I'd say that wicker is a little more able to understand like she has she's a little more obstinate now she's a little more proud and okay no I would say I wonder if it does it apply that like your dream sequence kind of helped a little bit but it's more someone or it's not yourself it's other people it's something the story of ving and oh I don't know if that applies um it's also more um um um um um um um um um um uh tomorrow tolerance the greatest treasure of all of woman being okay with being around you sometimes yes uh then no I guess I guess not that that ends today's episode thanks for listening my name is Sean O'Hara and the players today as always have been jessica crepe sake abdul it's a type of sandwich and paul I'm asleep thanks to west for his technical expertise thanks to erin and heckler's bar and grill for letting us record upstairs in the ratfish lounge and thank you to erin reed for our awesome theme song thank you to adam coble and sage latora for creating the system of Dungeon World which is uh based on a game called apocalypse world by d vincent baker which is also very cool and you should check it out uh you can find more about that by googling Dungeon World thanks for listening everybody and we'll see you next week and so ends the tale of adventures three who tried the best they can though dumb and scared and lost they be for times of rest in revelry and though our journey may be like a conclusion we will not leave you without a resolution return next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores and for you I'd gladly sorry I'm just looking up evanescence lyrics billy's that was the most quickly I've seen west become disappointed you could just ask me because I'll know them all

Theme music. The theme music plays. The theme music plays. See, Spoutlorians. The theme music plays. The theme music plays. The theme music plays. The theme music plays. The theme music plays. The theme music plays. The theme music plays. The theme music plays. The theme music plays. The theme music plays. The theme music plays. The theme music plays. The theme music plays. The theme music plays.

Hopefully she's nearby but who knows well I was just gonna ask what else is happening in the hall right now uh those two guys those two old men are eating and hanging out uh there is a small family unit just a man a woman and a child and they're kind of playing together having a good time uh somebody's working on a net they're like kind of sewing a net together it's just like village life right now yeah yeah it seems pretty fucking lame in here yeah let's go check who dear let's bail okay I'm gonna keep an eye out for wicker though okay but I'll follow you guys okay I'm gonna go get some lily pads from the still part of the the the river to give to her as a little bouquet okay some some lotus flowers yeah so you um go down to the river's edge and there is a little kind of pool that it looks like they've dug out almost like they've kind of redirected a portion of the river uh you're not a hundred percent sure why is there any copper tubing in it what spools of copper tubing in the pool well because that I was in a village once and they had done that they dug out a and then they build a fire with a big drum and then they they it's a diy hot tub yeah nothing like that unfortunately it does have a couple lily pads and some flowers perfect and like the bull rushes that you imagine helped give the village its name and next to the side of the pond you see a tall almost like a wooden box it's got a roof with a little peaked thing and then shelves inside and there are things like fish hooks and little dried fish laid inside on this like layered shelf right next to the water and um where the points of the roof meet there's just like a stylized fish hook it's like a communal lure library kind of yeah some of the hooks that are there are quite old and it looks like the fish has been there for a little bit um is there anyone around that we could ask about this thing yeah there's just like a middle-aged man fixing a barrel hey old guy can tuck scream at him no I'm gonna I'm trying not to scare people scare people in this village yeah yeah he looks up from his work and he's like yeah hey yeah yeah what the fuck is this and then I point at that thing oh that well that's a shrine to the fisher oh cool who's the fish explain more now the old the fisher one of the patrons the first fisher the fisher that all fishers have learned from jesus not no one knows their name it was I've heard it was jesus oh no one knows who the first was it's a g with a z and a y for me nobody nobody knows their name it was the first person to take can I roll for it being jesus uh what do you mean you're just like really confusing this man are you gonna rob me you can roll Spout Lore if you want to like yeah yeah yeah that's what the whole point of the move is is to learn more about a subject so uh you've come across a ton of these shrines in your travels it's not a religion you see a lot of in mccall because mccall is mostly concerned with the worship of the god of the flame but in the principalities a lot of people sort of subscribe to a kind of a semi-religion called the innumerable patrons and it's basically like anybody that does something that's not a religion and it's basically like anybody that does something that's not a religion and it's basically like anybody that does something that's not a religion like anybody that pursues some sort of profession or hobby or whatever likes to pay homage to the first of that kind of thing so this is a shrine to the fisher which would be the first person to take their life and their living from the water uh groups groups that sort of subscribe to the same patron call themselves patronages and people that follow say the fisher you know the way they see it is everybody that fishes or has ever fished learned from the first fisher cool is there somebody that embodies that first fisher or is it just the idea of who the spirit yeah it drove one to fish exactly it's the idea it's interesting in terms of um like you can't pray to the patron and have them respond it's sort of you're just like hey this person taught all of us how to live so we're just gonna kind of acknowledge that call upon them yeah exactly but as far as as far as anybody knows it's not a like divine religion are there any people who are tapped into some kind of magic behind these patrons or at least claim to yeah I'm sure people use it as a scam people have claimed to for sure but um most people don't subscribe to that like they don't think that that's possible but a thing that is something that people pursue is as things are innovated there's always the potential of becoming the first of a thing oh so people a lot of people that are very ambitious or innovative try and become that do the do the first of the thing live forever or is that a thing it's mostly just like can we just say you're the first sure but I mean like like you haven't explored enough of it right like it's like you've been around you've seen the shrines like on the road you'll find shrines to the traveler where people leave like coins from different parts of the world just on the road yeah boots walking sticks like that sort of thing yeah a lot of the things actually end up kind of being like you know public free libraries it ends up kind of being like that sometimes where people will leave behind a thing and then and if you need a thing take your thing geocaching exactly like a take a penny leave a penny jar but for like useful things yeah so they have they have a shrine to the fisher here oh cool yeah um and it can also get pretty weird because like somebody that is just a brutal person like they might pay homage to the killer it's very granular and that shrine would be like jacket knives exactly yeah oh and if you ever found a shrine to the killer like oh you're like we gotta we gotta go there's people who have like the the shrine of the fighter tattooed yeah knuckles oh it would be cool if each of the different patronages had like uh kind of a not a motto but a saying yes it's like I pay homage to uh I pay homage to the first of the fighters his shrine lives at the end of my fists yeah exactly totally it's all sort of like it's interesting because it's individual worship yeah yeah but with those with those chants be like kind of shared yeah yeah they can be shared but the thing is is that two different patronages for the fighter might never meet you know what I mean but it's like people will gather together but it's the kind of thing where you know how like a song kind of yeah state like exactly so it's like that yeah so if somebody that some if somebody that worships the or that pays homage to the fighter travels like they would share things with other people they met that worship the fighter as well can we come up with the fighter one and also the fisherman one right now absolutely okay uh I like the thing that I said yeah about sounds good the shrine uh what was it your arms?

Long and your fists are hard yeah my arms are long and my fists are hard and my dick is also my my arms are long my fists are hard and my massive cock is not far behind not far behind we are we pay homage to the fighter yeah that's what fighting's all about damn it okay well that's it I was gonna try and make it more poetic but no that's no that's not my nets are wide my lures are deep and my massive cock is not far behind it's always weird because it kind of comes around to dicks at some point um yeah basically anybody that starts it that like begins a new thing becomes that thing so that is just a thing that you are now aware of it's just the innumerable patrons are a belief system that exist here yeah uh but yeah you can you're able to snip away like or just break off like a few lily pads yeah in the pond and you're just gonna bring some lily pads to here some lotus cool oh yeah and the flowers yeah and it's given the time of year I'll bring her some some cat tails yeah totally because he's always talking about like you know you can eat these right great so you're uh before I leave I want to pay homage to the first of the fishers okay in respect to like the village yeah okay uh so I like I get in the water and I face the like little shrine and I pull uh like a reed from the bottom of the lake and I fashion it into a lure and I put it on the shelf and I say I pay homage to the first of the fishers who brought us uh sustenance from the water beautiful it's deep is that what billy says yeah this is like whoa I like that you asked a dude what it was like 30 seconds ago but yeah what's this yeah tell me more I'm gonna try and uh yeah be respectful of it yeah yeah one but I mean the and the way that the Spout Lore works like maybe he just reminded you oh right oh yeah right yeah I knew that already yeah fuck what no I'm gonna go pay homage to your to your patron shut up shut up shut up I know this already let me I'm in your religion now asshole I'll tell them I'll tell them I'll tell them that guy I know what this box is but what's fishing oh that does make sense that he would be like he would ask that and then he would be like okay then I would like to pay homage to the patron of the fish uh so you're kind of you walk back up the little oh wait can I try the kind of thing again sure can I just need two seconds to finish writing uh can you guys help me with the second to last verse of this like yeah definitely I have I pay homage to the first of the fishers he weaves he weaves our nets and something something no one knows sustenance from the I will say that no one knows if the fisher is a man or a woman uh that's kind of the no one really first of anything was unless it happens now okay maybe it's happening now no yeah there's a box already you know so I have uh I pay homage to the first of the fishers they weave our nets and something something they wait our hooks oh yeah that's good okay I'll just read this I pay homage to the first of the fishers they weave our nets and wait our hooks and bring us sustenance from the water that old man with the barrels like do you need a third go is that you need a third take hey do you want to maybe give some constructive input on this poem that I just wrote I liked it I've actually never heard anybody say anything to the shrine before so that was pretty powerful do you want to maybe spread it around oh we'll see uh he goes back to fixing his barrel okay and you say yeah you guys head back up uh into the like quote unquote village proper which is really like as we walk up I'm complaining about the guy well I like yeah see why he couldn't just spread it around you don't know if you will or not so I didn't commit one way or the other you don't get to be angry once I make a choice maybe hey don't tell me how to feel hey man don't tell me how to spread a religion okay fair yeah that's what I thought okay I'm I was complaining to these guys I can hear you okay yeah it's a pretty small village I have amazing ear sight jessica you haven't talked in a long time oh I'm just sorry I just fell asleep there's so much monologue this is what I was gonna say so you guys are walking kind of through the village because hudears hut is on the other side and uh there's like um there's a woman and she's feeding chickens there's a group of chickens pecking away at this like pile of seeds and uh billy you see these chickens yeah and through the like crowd of chickens you see a rooster that's like a rooster and you're like oh my god I'm gonna go to the rooster and I'm gonna go to the chicken and it's like almost as tall as you are and it's pecking and it looks up and it's kind of it looks like it's almost like looking for something and it sees you and it locks eyes with you well it locks eye with you because they turn their head to the side because their eyes don't face forward and it goes like and it plows through the crowd of chickens and it starts running at you and it's got it's like wings flapping and it's like and it's coming right for you oh what do you do uh I'm going to what what is around me just grass just like it's like dirt basically this is sort of like the center of the village where people walk a lot so it's just kind of clumps of grass and is there a chicken coop or something no there's nothing like nothing nothing nearby can we help I'm just gonna run away I guess okay yeah can you roll a defy danger uh plus your dexterity okay I got um 10 10 yeah so you could just run are you just running yeah I'm just running in circles yeah pretty much because I was actually kind of gonna head for the seeds to eat some of them I'm gonna I find my snacks where I can yeah so you you take off and it is on your ass it is really trying to get you jesus yeah so you guys see this huge rooster is now chasing billy in a circle through the middle of the village what do you do well I'm gonna put a a wall if I can between them around to put a cage of twigs.

Oh, yeah. You could just talk to the rooster, I guess. Oh, yeah. Dude, chill. It's like, I'm going to get it. I'm going to get it. I'm going to get it out of here. It's too close to my ladies, and I'm going to get this little thing out of here. Come here. Put your dick away. It's not anywhere. Oh, Billy, it's flapping around a lot. It's not my fault that the grass spreads apart a lot. It spreads apart right where your dick is. Oh, my God. Tell him that you're not interested in his women.

You think I can't see you? You think I can't see you? I'm going to get you. Rooster, that is a boy, not a cock. That's no boy. That's no boy. I am going to put a cage of twigs around it. I'm not going to hurt the chicken, but I wanted to capture it. Okay. Yeah, 2d6 plus your wisdom to shapeshift. 11. Yeah. So you get three hold to shapeshift. Okay. Shapeshift a bunch of roots. Tight. Put it around the boom. Yeah, totally. Just trap. All right. Yeah. So it's stuck in here and it's flapping.

I'm talking to him. It's just quiet down. He's okay. What are you so scared of? It's a boy. It's a boy. I know him. He's safe. Trust me. I'm talking to you. Yeah. So, Billy, do you just like get away from the rooster? Yeah, I'm super tired because I'm not very physical. And so I just fall down. Yeah. And it's like flapping and squawking and just saying, that's no boy. That's no boy. Unsafe. It's not safe. I don't like this at all. This is fulfilling a bond for me.

The rooster is like almost inconsolable, but it's starting to calm down. Billy, get in the hut. Can you explain to me what's happening? Because I can't understand this rooster. Or, yeah, and I guess Bing is just making rooster noises. Yeah. Bing, pick up Billy. Go get Billy. Put yourself in between them. This rooster thinks Billy's not a boy. I don't know what's happening with this rooster, but he doesn't trust Billy for some reason. Billy, I'm going to put you on my shoulders. Okay.

Okay, here you go. Do you want? I have a little bit of time. I have a peapod if you want to eat it. Can you put it in my mouth for me? Okay. I'm so tired. Here you go. Let's do the thing where I flick it in the air and you jump up and catch it. Oh, do I have to jump? Just aim it. Okay, here we go. Flick. Bop. Yeah, so you guys just leave? Bing's dealing with the rooster? Let's try and figure out what's happening here. It's a rooster, man. That's all it's got. That's all it's got for you. Okay.

It says, that's no boy. Get it away. Get it away. Can I roll discern realities about this rooster? Discern realities is not really- Okay, I'll Spout Lore about this rooster. It's a rooster. Hey, this is my fucking choice. I'm going to do this. Okay, go for it. Roll Spout Lore about roosters. Six plus what is it? Plus your intelligence. I failed. Mark some experience. What does Tuck think is going on? What does Tuck think about roosters? Are there chickens and roosters in McCall?

This is a big fuck off rooster too, right? It's pretty big. It's huge. It's like almost two feet tall, basically. For a rooster, it's big as hell. So what do I think? Yeah. And it has to be wrong. It's super wrong. Okay. I think it's a demon rooster. I think it's a demon rooster. And I think it's a rooster that's been following me for my entire life. And I think it's trying to take everything I love from me. The rooster has calmed the fuck down at this point.

And I go up to the cage and I'm like, I fucking know who you are. I know. I know you. Look at me. No. Look at me. It's looking at you through a side eye. Look at me with both of your eyes. It's still. Look at me. Piece of shit. It's going back and forth. It's turning its head back and forth. It says it can. It's like. I know what you did to Bruce. I know you started the fire in McCall. I know you tipped over that stack of used carts on my dad. On my adopted dad, Bruce Spruce.

I'm not going to let you go. This time. What do you do? Ving is is begocking back to the rooster telling him that he thinks you killed his dad. It has zero frame of reference for that. You demon. You demon. And then I. Because Ving could talk to animals. He just talks to them like they're people always. Yeah, totally. Well, you're staring at this rooster and it's just looking at you. But then you start hearing shouting from down by the river.

There's like a young girl who is fishing on the river and she's like holding on to either side of her boat. Like she's got a little boat and it's being bucked around. Yeah. And you see like a like a scaly Finney back kind of like like big like coming up out of the water and going underneath and kind of hitting the boat. And I look back and I look at the rooster. I'm like, damn it, rooster. You did this. And I start running down to the river. Yeah. So she's like, oh, oh, no. Oh.

Oh, well, she's a young girl. You said. Yeah. Yeah. That's how young girls sound. OK. Do it again. Oh, boy. Yeah. I still have two holds left. Right. Can I use them to help the little girl? Yeah. You'd have to let the rooster go, though. Yeah. Let the rooster go. We're gone. The rooster flips out. No, the rooster's fine. Can you turn into something that I can ride out there? Yeah. I turn into a mermaid. You turn into a mermaid. OK. I'll turn into a sea lion. I mean, a walrus. Awesome.

And we swim out there. Yeah. OK. Yeah. So that's one hold. You turn. Tuck and tusks in tow. Oh, yeah. So you're a walrus and you spend a hold to make all that happen. OK. While I'm riding him, I'm like, do I hold on to your tusks or what? There's really not a lot to hold on to. Don't hold no tusks. OK. There's not a lot to hold on to. Get off my gills. You're pretty slick. And Billy's just like. I'm in Tuck's beard because he told me to get on and I didn't have time to get off. Yeah.

So this girl is like. She's like kind of kicking around in her boat. People in the village have started to gather at the water's edge watching fearfully. OK. And yeah, there's something in the water. We're on our way. Yeah, for sure. We get to the boat. You see like kind of flippy hands almost trying to like pull the boat down. Well, I would like to go around and try and confront or butt or headbutt the thing on the other side of the boat. OK, great. Yeah. Well, he does that.

I'll jump onto the boat. Is it big enough for me to get on it? You're what? Over seven feet tall. I'm over seven feet tall. Something like 300. 350, 400 pounds. You could not get in there. Depends how much water weight I'm carrying. 350 or 400 pounds. It depends how much I ate that day, how much water weight I have. It depends if I'm in a bulk phase, which I still am in a bulk phase. Have you ever been in a cut phase? No. Not getting there. Not in the recent past. Cultivating mass. Yes.

Can Tuck swim? How good of a swimmer is he? Oh, yeah. Can Tuck swim? I kind of want to figure out if by chance. All right. I think I've never really tried to swim in fucked up water. So what? One to three can't swim. Four to six can swim. Okay. Yeah. Defy danger. That does sound like a defy danger. Thanks, Wes. Thanks for reminding us how this game works. Yeah. So we'll say defy danger. What? Strength? That's like athletic sort of stuff. Yeah. Okay.

I like the idea that he gets up and stands on the walrus and he puts his hands up like he's going to either do the most majestic dolphin dive or just fall. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah……. Nice. Billy's in your beard, remember? Billy's in my beard. I'm like, Billy, how long can you hold your breath for? We will find out. Billy's cheeks are out to here. Yeah. I've already started holding.

Do you want to get on the boat while I… You have that option. Six plus two plus two is ten. Alright. So yeah, you're swimming. I'm swimming. You dive into the water majestically. Yeah. I want to go underneath the boat. So, Paul, you dive under the water? Well, you're all under the water now. I would go deep and then look up to see what I'm dealing with. A crocodile. But like, big. Big old crocodile. Wow. Trying to knock the boat over. Why? What a jerk.

I try to call it to him in my best crocodile. What are you saying? Underwater crocodile. What are you saying? Stop that. No. If you do not stop, we will be forced to stop you. No one can stop me. And it swims down to you. And it's coming to attack you. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. And it's like snap, snap, snap, snap, snap. But now it's chasing you. Okay, I'm going to head towards that little eddy in the river. Really? Yeah. Okay.

While he does that, I'm just going to get behind the boat and start paddling it back. Fighting it back to the… Yeah. Okay. I put my back against the boat and I fight the river in the opposite direction that I want the boat to go. I do not understand how swimming works. Yeah. And the girl in the boat is like, oh, oh, no. Oh, no. Billy's like, do you have any licorice? Yeah, I just get on the boat and I pat her leg. Oh, that's nice.

And Billy, as you're patting her leg, trying to calm her down, she's like, ah! Like you come out of the beard. What the hell? It's fine. It's fine. It's me. And… Wait, can we see more of this interaction? Yeah. She's like, who are you? I'm Fat Billy. Your name is Fat? Yes. Well, it's a long story. Is that your first name and your last name? No, it's just to distinguish me from other Billys, so you don't get confused. Oh, okay. Well, I only know one Billy. Is it okay if I just call you Billy?

I guess. And Billy, as you're like patting her leg, trying to calm her down, you see the monster chasing thing. And you see from the opposite direction something else coming down the waterway. What does it look like? It looks exactly the same as the thing that just left. Oh, no. Tuck, we gotta get this boat to the shore really fast. Why? I didn't see anything. Explain the danger. Just swim really fast. Okay. And I start fighting harder. Okay. And you hear me go, you piece of shit. Boat?

Fucking rooster. You fucking ruin everything. You fucking ruin everything. I'm crying. You're imagining the river's the rooster. Yeah, and I'm crying. Yeah. I'm crying. Of course. Yeah. Are you crying, though? I'm crying, but nobody knows. And so you… And then someone says, are you crying? And I say, it's the water in my face. It was Billy who asked that, and he was like, and he whispers to the girl, and he's like, it's not the water. It's the water in my face. It's not. You're emotional.

Just admit it. I'm not crying. We're in a fucking river. And you start kicking and punching, because that's how you swim, apparently. Kick punch. Kick punch. And you're kicking and punching the boat. I call this the punch stroke. And you get the boat to the shore, but that thing is still coming. Is it coming after us? Yeah, you're on the shore. And you see it, like, it comes out of the water, and it just, like, chomps onto the boat. And starts, like, dragging the boat away.

Is there anyone in the boat? The girl who was in the boat is kind of wrapped up in a line. So she's getting pulled back into the water, basically. And, yeah, so there's, like, villagers holding her and trying to, like, tug with this crocodile, but it's pretty big. What do you do? What is around me? Because I have no weapons. Maybe you smash a piece of the boat. What is around? I don't know. You tell me. What makes sense? There is an impenetrable force lance next to me that I would like to use.

What makes sense? A sword of impenetrable bone washed up on shore. Magic. What makes sense? Hey, look, this is magic. Look, I found a magic sword. Hey, Abdul. It makes me a hundred feet tall. Hey, Abdul. What a quinky ding. Hey, Abdul. What makes sense? It's the magic sword or nothing. Hey, Abdul. There's a bill hook. What's that? It's a stick with a blade on it. What? Explain to me what… I actually don't know. I'm gonna look up a bill hook. It's like a hockey stick.

Some people calls it a bill hook. It's a hooky blade. Hey. It's just, like, next to… There was a stump on the shore where somebody was getting fish. Exactly. Sticking in the stump. It is an impenetrable magic bill hook. Hey, you know what? You know who set the world rule that magic no longer exists? You did. It's not magic. I don't remember that. I did not take responsibility for it. Ving, you are underwater as a walrus and… I'm gonna head for the shore.

I'm gonna, like, swim up as fast as I can and launch out of the water. Okay. And turn back into Ving. Yeah, totally. Because that'll be your last hold. That's my hold, yeah. So I'm in the air. I'm a walrus into man. I leave the tusks for last. So you, like… So you, like, so… So you land and you've got two huge tusks. And then I go, ah, just kidding. And they go away. And I catch him. Yeah. Oh, you guys are in different parts of the shore. Oh. Yeah, yeah. He's close to the pool. Okay.

Yeah, the pool that you were at. Okay. So you land and just as you land at that pool, it comes charging out of the water. So it looks like a crocodile. Yeah. But big and, like, slate gray. And it's snapping. And it's a charging. And it's a gonna bite you. And I'm screaming for Tuck and… You guys are probably, like, I don't know. 60, 70 feet apart. Okay. So we're both each on our own. Kind of, yeah. This might be a bit of a Hail Mary.

What if I dive at it and try and turn myself into a stone spike in the air? If I fail, I'll get eaten for sure. It's pretty dope. It's gonna be… Well, do shapeshifting first. I'll shapeshift into a giant rock hook. Nine. That is a good roll. Plus my constant… Wisdom, I think. Wisdom. Eleven. Yeah. So you have three hold. Okay. To a rock. I'll turn my fists. I meld them into one giant spike a la T-1000. Oh, okay. Barbed. Okay. Gotcha. Yeah.

Like Tuck did when he dove in the water beautifully, I take, like, a swan dive into his mouth as he's chomping down. Yeah. With a spiky… And, like, into his belly. Okay. Roll your damage. One. One. Um… How is that possible? It, like, chomps down and it does no discernible damage. Like, it's just like… Ah, it felt weird. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. So that's what happened there. I want to go further inside and bust out. What? That… There's… I can't see a situation in which that hold would…

Allow me to do that? Like, there's a thing that, like, a rock… So a rock, uh, in its nature doesn't burst through people. You know what I mean? Let me tell you about when I had kidney stones. But you can… You can… You can roll a hack and slash at this point. Yeah, okay. I just started hacking, uh, at the sides of his mouth and screaming, why so serious? Jesus Christ. So that's 2d6 plus your strength. Yeah. Whoa. Monster roll of 12. Okay. Nice. Yeah. Okay, give me… Okay, we'll do…

We'll do one… Roll your damage one more time. Plus 14. Plus… Yeah, roll your damage one more time. So roll 1d6. 6. Okay, great. Yeah, so it chomps down again, basically. Like, you're just kind of shoving these things into its throat. Yeah. And you… It, like… You see blood start pooling at the back of its mouth. Cool. Yeah. And it starts pushing up towards its eyes. It starts, like, it starts pulling… Like, it's trying to pull away, away from you, basically.

Like, it's trying to walk backwards. But I have those barbs. Yeah, you got those barbs. Uh, actually, Tuck, your… Okay, yeah. What are you doing? What's the configuration of crocodiles in front of me? About 15 feet to one side. The big crocodile is trying to pull the boat back into the water. Okay. And about, you know, what did I say? 60, 70 feet to your right, uh, thing is seemingly elbow deep in a crocodile. The big crocodile is trying to pull the boat.

And you see, like, the line is getting really taut, and it's… The crocodile starts winning, basically, in this tug of war. And, um, Alaki, who was previously… You couldn't see her for a few minutes. She comes hauling ass out of the village, and she's wearing, like, um, a long grass, like, coat. Uh-huh. And she's got a long, uh, worn-looking sword in her hand. Uh-huh. And she runs up and she just skids to a halt and slices right through the rope. Oh, cool.

That was holding the girl, and the crocodile kind of stumbles backwards with the boat back into the water. Okay. So the… It's pulling the boat down under. Uh-huh. Kind of chomping on it and crunching it, but they pull the girl into the crowd and start rushing away from the shore. Okay. And, yeah, so she's, like, kind of squaring up with this crocodile as it starts to realize that it doesn't have its prey, and it's coming back out of the water really slowly. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

And she's, like, ready to mix it up. So what does Billy do? Um, so Billy's gonna do that thing where he, like, gets up and runs his dagger up the tummy of the crocodile. Okay, you're gonna have to give me a hack and slash. Because it is now aware of you. Okay. Because you put a knife in it. Yep. So 2d6 plus your strength. What was that? Ooh, that is another three. That is a six. Oh, I failed. Uh, so you get up, and you're, like, trying to, like…

Well, you're trying to get up, because it's not, like… There's a ton of room under this crocodile, and it just flops down on you. Ah! So it's just trying to crush you. Jeez. Like, it's… And it's squirming and squiggling, so it does, uh… Oh! What? Boy, oh boy. It's fine. It does, uh, eight damage. Billy! As it just, like, lands on you. I'm so small. I'm so small. But I'm not dead. How much damage can you take? I can take 23 damage. Okay, you're fine.

You see Alakie kind of swipe at it a couple times, like she's trying to keep it back, but she's, like, she's not running. Okay. She's just trying to keep it at bay. And she swings, and she overextends a little bit. No. And it rushes forward, and it gets her by the leg. What? And it starts pulling her into the water. And she's, like, hacking at it. Like, not… She's not screaming. She's not… She's yelling in, like, exertion, but she's just hacking at this thing in the face.

And she's being pulled into the water. Oh, no. What do you do? So, I am really in a rage now. Uh-huh. Because I'm confused about what I am supposed to do, and nothing makes me angrier than… Being confused? Feeling stupid. Yeah. Uh, so, I… Uh, I take the fish… Billhook. The impenetrable billhook. That says penetrable. Nope. Uh, and I… I jam it straight into this crocodile. Uh, or this is what I want to do. Yeah. Uh… What was your intention here?

Uh, to distract the crocodile from Alakie. It slows down a little bit. Like, you kind of knock it. It's not… Like, it's a big animal. Yeah. But it stops for a second, and Alakie's able to just, like, jam her sword, like, right into its mouth, basically. Like, just near her leg. Uh-huh. Uh, she might actually be cutting into her own leg. Hmm. But she… She's kind of starting to pry its mouth open. Yeah. With her sword. Uh-huh. Uh, Ving, you're shoulder deep. Yeah. What was your plan here?

You wanted to sink it? I… I was thinking about that, but now I think that I… He's trying to get away. Yeah. He's bleeding bad. Uh-huh. I'm gonna spend my hold to launch myself backwards, and then get over to help the… The gang. How do you do that as a rock man? Rock arms. Um… Well, as… Or is the… Or are the rocks to basically just get your… Is the hold to basically to get your arms out of? Yeah, I pull back as hard as I can. I… I shrink in my barbs. Yeah. And I…

I cut on my way out. Yeah. Uh, and… And… And, uh… And tell him, like, good night, sweet prince. Great. You are the kings of Maine. So you're… You're cutting on the way out, so we'll give you one more D6 damage roll. Three. Three? Not bad. Uh, you do it a little bit more damage, and it is, like… It slinks back into the water. I do it to its tongue. Yeah, it's just like, ow. Yeah. It's… Nothing will ever taste right. And it scurries back into the water. Great. And it…

It starts to swim away. And you see, like, blood clouding up out of the river. Yeah. I'm making my way back to them. Yeah, I'm making my way downtown. Walking fast. Um… Walking as fast as I could. Yeah. Face is passing your home. Not a run, though. No, it's just a walk. Yeah. Um, yeah, so you're running back. So, yeah, what… Billy, you kind of pull yourself back up out of the mud. Billy's gonna barf a bit. He's not feeling good. And after… After he barfs… After he barfs…

Where's my dagger? Where'd it go? You held on to it. Did I? Yeah. Oh, but yeah, you're like… I like that you're so out of it. You're like… You're holding your dagger. You're like, where's my dagger? Where's my dagger? And then one of us is like, it's in your hand, man. Oh, there it is. It's covered in barf, bro. I'm gonna sneak attack it. Okay, yeah. Wait, is that a thing I can do? Defy danger dexterity. Nine. Nine. Great. What's your partial success? You're totally nude. I am.

There's gotta be something better than being totally nude. You are totally nude, though. I mean, you could have taken, like, some soft tissue damage, maybe. Yeah, I've got some flaps going on. Or it could be that he is concussed. Oh, yeah. That makes sense. Yeah, you're not… Something… You do feel a little… I feel very out of it. Oh. And he did have a barf. Yeah, he did have a barf, didn't he? Oh, yeah. Okay, no. What it… So what it is, is… You're feeling like, weirdly angry. Oh.

I don't get angry very often. No, you don't. But you're feeling really, like, angry. Like, you really wanna fight this thing now. But you're worried that if you do, you might not be able to get yourself back under control very easily. So what do I do? Do you wanna go in there and try and help him fight this thing and potentially lose a little bit of control over yourself, or do you wanna try and get this under control? No. If I'm mad and concussed, I guess I will just go in there.

Okay, so 2d6 plus your dexterity? Ten. Ten? Yeah. So, Billy, you kinda, like, glaze over a little bit as you're doing this, and you, like, crawl up the back of this crocodile as Ving is fighting it, and you just start stabbing it. Yeah. In the back of the head, just, like, stab, stab, stab, stab, stab. And everybody stops. The fight's over, but Billy is still stabbing and stabbing and stabbing and stabbing and stabbing. Well…

I'll look over at Ving and be like, should we just, like, let this play out? And it's dead. It's full-on dead. And he gets up and he starts, like, kind of coming at you, Tuck. Okay. Oh. And I go, Billy, what the fuck are you doing? Billy, bud. Billy? Billy, what do you do? Is there anything going on in Billy's head that is clear? You just feel different. Like, you feel like a, like a… Is he, like, murderous? Not murderous.

It's just, like, he's losing control of something that's affecting him, influencing him. Oh. Billy, uh, like, is just, like, glazed over, and he starts rushing towards Tuck, but runs past him through his legs and is heading towards that rooster. Yeah, Billy's running away. Okay. And, like, has a look in his eyes. And I've got that dagger in my hand. So what do you guys do? Billy, bud. Hey! It's okay! Yeah, we're following him, trying to talk to him. Billy, what's going on? Trying to get him.

Everybody get out of the way! Except for that fucking chicken. Billy's running into the middle of town, where that chicken pile is, with the rooster. Um… I'll go up and grab him by the shoulder. Okay. I'll grab him. Yeah, and he's struggling. You could grab Billy, but he might, in his struggles, end up cutting you a bit. Okay. I'll take it. I love Billy. I want to know what's happening. Okay. Yeah, so you grab Billy, and you're, like, struggling and kicking around. I'll take a swipe.

Yeah, take a swipe. Billy, look at me. And then I pop some granola into his mouth. What does Billy do with the granola? He starts choking, and then he starts foaming. Oh, whoa. Whoa, holy shit. Yeah, okay, so something's… Billy's freaking out. I want to put a cage around Billy. Okay. Once he foams. Yeah. I plant roots all around him. I put extra leaves in their moss, so it's soft. The villagers see Billy, like, freaking out. Mm-hmm. Houdir pushes through the crowd with a bag.

You can see sprigs and leaves poking out of the top, and she runs up and kneels down in front of the cage that you've created around Billy, and she looks very concerned. Ving asks, what's wrong with our friend? She looks at him for a few more seconds, and she looks up at you and says, I don't think this is your friend. Thanks for listening to Spout Lore. My name is Sean O'Hara, and with me, as always, have been players Paul, innumerous patronus, Abdul, not a motto, but a saying, and Jessica.

There was so much monologuing, and I just, like, checked out. Thanks to Wes, our technical producer, for all the technical things. Thanks to Aaron Magoo at Heckler's Bar and Grill for letting us record in the upstairs Heckler's Lounge, and thank you to Aaron Reed for the intro and outro music that you have heard today. Thanks for listening to Spout Lore, and we'll see you next week. And so ends the tale of adventures three, who tried the best they could.

Though dumb and scared and lost they'd be, for time's abreast in revelry. And though our journey may be like a conclusion, it may be we will not leave you without a resolution. Return next week to hear some more, whilst you commute or do your chores, and for you I'd gladly Spout Lore.

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes, noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape, and wields a spear with great might Peely's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends, and listen close For the tale's about to start Well welcome to Spout Lore everybody!

I'm your game master Sean O'Hara, and with me as always are players Paul, Abdul, and Jessica We're continuing our game of Dungeon World When last we left our heroes, things were looking pretty bad Ala Key, the head woman of Bullrush Village, has been pretty thoroughly maimed by a big ass crocodile Our young friend Fat Billy, the thief, has been overcome by some sort of dark influence Oh it's awful It's awful!

He went beast mode on a crocodile Stabbed it to death with his little knife And something's up everybody That's where we're at Also I have an impenetrable bill hook It just says penetrable from where I'm sitting There's an M Yeah it looks like it says penetrable I got it, it cannot be broken Well we'll see Or penetrate It's really only a matter of time before you throw it so far That you lose interest in getting it out of your head Lose interest in getting it back The villagers see Billy like freaking out Mmhmm Hoodeer pushes through the crowd with a bag You can see sprigs and leaves poking out of the top And she runs up and kneels down in front of the cage that you've created around Billy And she looks very concerned Ving asks what's wrong with our friend She looks at him for a few more seconds and she looks up at you and says This is not your friend Mmhmm And she takes a little ball of herbs and leaves And she kinda pushes it at you Billy Like am I coherent at this time?

You're still kind of snappy Okay Like you're kind of like still sort of out of control No I feel like I'm just gonna thrash around as I have been Okay yeah so Like I don't really respond She waits for you to get closer to her in your thrashing And she shoots her hand in, grabs the back of your head And shoves this ball of leaves down your throat And you feel it sink down And after a few seconds your vision starts to swim a little bit And then you are asleep So Houdir draws in a breath And kind of blows it out in a like She dusts her legs off And she stands up and looks at you Ving and says you can What did you give him?

It's just some herbs to calm him What's wrong with him? I don't know But I hope to find out Please can you remove the restraints? I make a stretcher You want to shapeshift more for all this? Yeah Alright I mean you can just pick him up He's a little baby No I'm gonna shapeshift Okay fine I mean you're introducing the potential for failure I think I still have holds Do you? Oh yeah I guess you would Three?

Okay great So yeah you can spend another one to shapeshift more Into a little sort of basket-y stretcher thing Yeah I'll make something out of rattan Okay great Rattan You were expecting wicker perhaps? Oh yeah where is wicker?

Mmm That's a good question You haven't seen her At least not today Well that really does seem like a huge problem We need to find that cat Yes Yeah Like we're I know we just dealt with a lot I guess I'm talking to you Ving And I guess I'm inadvertently talking to Billy If you're awake No Billy's You have your hand on Billy I'm asleep, done Billy?

Nothing Okay he could probably hear So I know we've taken some time here in this town But we shouldn't forget that there is kind of a world ending Adventure that we have been ignoring for sure What? Wait You mean the crocodiles?

The mender thing Oh the wifi people Yes Ohhhh And we did lose the cat Who dear says that's all well and good Oh you've been here this whole time I'm waiting Alaki is losing a lot of blood Something's wrong with your friend I'd like to take care of that Okay If you don't mind Sure And then we can talk about what you have planned next after Okay Wicker! So please just come I think just come with me Billy's hurt!

Just come with me please And she leads the way to Or she starts walking back towards her hut Okay And you follow?

Oh yeah I follow Great okay great I follow her right in the hut So who dear leads you through Sort of through this curtain of fabric into the interior of her hut It's very dim Light filters in through the reeds that have been gathered at the top to make this sort of dome It's smoky Cause there's a little bowl of herbs and grasses burning And I'm not sure if I'm gonna be able to get through this And Aleki is laid out on the ground She's propped up on some cushions But her leg is bad And um Okay I guess I rush to her side Yeah it doesn't take long cause you're You walk in and you're two feet from her Okay So she's there Well I choose to rush to her side Okay You take up a lot of room in this hut Cause being the big man that you are Uh huh But who dear says to you Vang please just put Billy over here And there's like a little table I put him on the table Yeah and he Is laid out on this table asleep Fitfully You see Billy's eyes moving behind his eyelids Like he's dreaming about something I grab his chubby little hand Aw There's a little bit of tension Okay But not any real response It's fine And who dear kneels down to Aleki And starts looking at the leg And she doesn't She's got a pretty grim look on her face What's the prognosis doctor?

It's not looking good Okay And Aleki's sort of grimacing in pain And she grabs your hand Tuck I look into her eyes and I say God who knew that we would end up here You know I certainly didn't see this coming Yeah what a you know It's just when we tell this story later They're gonna be like wow so romantic Yeah Like it was just I was just a lady Bleeding on the ground Yeah Yeah Yeah Wow Do you think you're gonna be okay for that date?

That we had set Ooh Let me find out whether or not I'm gonna lose my leg Should we post a post Okay Yeah we'll talk about that in a little bit Okay But you guys You look good Considering Yeah great Thank you so much I look even better not covered in blood Yeah I know I think it was part of the poem That was so long ago It feels like Who knows Yeah You can even remember that poem Anyway Anyways You thank you You all saved a life out there You saved Kira Yes Without your help she would have died What happened to Billy?

Um We don't know Yeah we don't know Okay well I'm gonna try not to die now Okay Good luck And uh uh Houdir is looking and um she has taken a pot of a paste of some kind And she's splashed some water in there from a jug And she's putting her whole arm in it Kinda like mixing it up Haha I know It looks weird right It looks weird how I'm doing it But that's what she's doing She's trying to She's mixing it with her hand and her forearm And she's pulling it out and she's spreading it over the tooth marks and the tears Ooh On Alaki's leg And yeah she makes like a Oh it smells like schloss meat And then she starts taking strips of fabric and tearing them and spreading them over the wounds Vang do you have any kind of healing magic that can help Alaki?

I've got I've got uh some weed Yeah I hear that helps with everything And a little bit of stuff called crocane Um Oh yeah halfling white powder I have halfling white powder You guys have pipe weed I believe Yeah I don't think you have fantasy cocaine I've got some poultice Yeah like you can you can definitely help I have some um neroli oil And I I was gently Vang comes over and uh Turns his I'd like to turn my use my last hold to Make my fingers um Who has the softest fingers in the land?

Snow white Koala bears I was thinking koala bears You can't turn your things into other people things Okay Yeah you can turn into Plants and rocks and animals Koala bears?

No they're not from the great forest Or the frozen north Yeah I think it's a good thing that we're talking about I have bunny fresh bunny paws Okay Just my one index finger is now an entire bunny's paw And I am uh massaging uh calming oils into her forehead We're playing pretty fast and loose with your shape shifting abilities now I think no no no no what I'm saying is that like That was your last hold I don't know what you're trying to accomplish with it Halfway through they turned back into my fingies But you do Yeah You do have poultices and herbs Yeah I believe you have at least one use left Yeah And uh you heal them of seven damage Okay I'd like to give her that this neroli oil on her temples Yeah Yeah Yeah so it helps her sleep Hudeer like kinda sits to the side and um And I say worry not it is neroli oil Why are you talking like that?

What I it's my poultice voice Okay And so you apply these oils to Hudeer for uh temples Ever deep she sleeps And she um she leans back Alakhi leans back As you're applying the oils and starts to close her eyes and says That smells pretty good And then she falls asleep I kiss her forehead and say for luck And uh and Hudeer lifts some of the strips of fabric And takes a look at the wounds and closes it back over And looks at you and says well looks like we've got the bleeding to stop for now I think she I think with some time she she'll survive We'll see what the situation with her leg is Uh in a few hours maybe the next day But thank you for your your your aid in this matter Now she claps her hands of dust and walks over to the table where Billy lays She says now let's find out what this is about Billy Hmm You open your eyes And what do you think the inside of Billy's mind looks like?

Like is he seeing stuff? He he wakes up in a place that is Representative of a comfortable place for him Maybe he's like back in a place that kind of looks like His little hometown Oh yeah? What's his hometown called?

I forget No I don't think we've knit I don't think we've we like we've talked about the Everwood Valley and stuff like that But not the town that he's from Well it's not that town it's just like that what what No I just remembered that Everwood is the name of a CW Yeah we talked about that but I still like the name Yeah he's from Lone Tree Hill Okay he's from Lone Tree Hill Similar but not exactly One Tree Hill But fantasy and Oh fuck No no no no no You realize that that's what you did right?

No I thought it was actually called Lone Tree She was trying to do she was trying to do One Tree Hill I like Lone Tree Hill that's fine by me Also we've already established that One Tree Hill is the name of a group of minstrels that go around and do a series of Realized team drama Yeah exactly right About two half brothers that play on a basketball team together I remember that Yeah So so is he inside outside?

He's outside Yeah Everyone kind of lives sort of outside Okay There's not really real houses in that town Interesting They live in like makeshift very planty sort of shelters Mm-hmm so he's just on the grass under the lone tree Mm-hmm And you feel tired You feel exhausted Mm-hmm Like you just ran a mile You're just enjoying the sun and the clouds and the blue skies And you feel somebody sitting at the tree just out of your vision Okay Like just out of the side of your vision and if you look you still can't see them like they're just sitting at the edge of your sight Hmm And you hear a voice from that direction And it says I'm sorry about all that But what?

I get angry And you were the easiest vessel for my anger in that moment And I apologize for putting you through that Who are you? That's a hard question You can call me Pilar Okay What's your name? Fat Billy Is your first name Fat? No Oh So Fat is a nickname Yes Hmm Anyways sorry we had to meet like this but I've been with you for a while now and today was the first opportunity I had Why are we here?

I gained control as a side effect and then I lost control but now we're here Okay you're talking like really vaguely and I don't I'm not feeling very well right now my stomach hurts and my head hurts and I like I don't know I only had a little bite of food and some gross leaves and I don't feel good and I just don't know what's going on We're not so different I think maybe I mean I'm here and you're nowhere that I can see and I'm just a kid A kid? What do you know about yourself?

Nothing I don't know anything If you were just a kid I wouldn't be here at all I don't understand This place looks beautiful but this is not where you're from I don't know this is like I think I've been here before but I don't really remember clearly I guess There's just there's so much more to you than you even realize Oh well that's nice I guess I'm sort of already losing the opportunity to stay here but I'll be back Okay It's just it's been a long time since I've met one of the Farrah Fokin person so to speak this is as close as I could get Okay well if I'm that what are you?

You don't know? You don't know? You don't understand? No I'm a wizard Oh I've been here this whole time With me or where? Not with you nearby Okay I knew when when the ward started breaking down and I was able to reach my fingers out through this prison You were my next opportunity to scent a little bit of this frustration at being contained for so long Okay well can like are you good or? Oh that's subjective Okay do you need help?

I would like to be free Okay um well that's like a lot for me to think about right now On an empty stomach and I just have a lot of information thrown at me I don't really know what to do with it Maybe we'll talk again Okay But just think on what I said with the world the way that it is after my colleagues left somebody like you has a lot of potential A lot of potential we could make the world right you and I Oh You remember I don't though When they left I don't And the world started coming undone I don't really know what you're talking about I'm sorry I'm rambling I don't have a lot of opportunities to talk anymore but I appreciate you uh tolerating this for as long as you have and uh we'll speak soon Okay um bye I guess Goodbye And they're gone So back to the hut uh Houdir is standing over Billy She's looking around like she's looking for something And she points at Tuck She says come here come here Yes And uh she turns you around she puts her hand on your shoulder and slowly kind of pushes you to turn around And she um looks at the box which you've had strapped to your back this whole time Oh cool And she says what is this It's like oh it's a uh box that I shit inside of She she looks you in the eye like disapprovingly I think we both know that's not true Okay Ving shit Okay Ving shit's in it I've never pooped in any boxes Oh god Ving Please We're so trying to keep this a secret I think unless did I reveal all of this like three sessions ago You revealed this the second you got to the village Okay You're doing it right now Okay sorry it's it was a full night uh this is a magic box full of a thing that we don't know that we're trying to take uh to a place for some reason I can't remember all of the details all the time Yeah Okay she like puts her hands on it she says may I Yeah do like you do you who dear So she reaches for it and undoes the like the rope that you've tied around your chest basically Yeah And takes it down and she's holding it and she says yes this this is magic What is it It's power you can feel the I can feel the power leaking out of it Wow can we use it is it renewable is it a renewable source of power It's it seems pretty constant Can we run a water wheel with it Is it clean She says I think I understand a little bit about what's going on now she says this the the the energy I feel coming out of this however weak I also feel coming out of your friend here Whoa If this is a flame Billy's like a lantern Oh okay It gathers and it ebbs but there's something else in there Whatever's inside Billy is also inside this box That seems to be the case Is it uh is it is he in danger He might be How do we get it out of Billy And back into the box There's it's it's not so much getting it out of Billy Because I think there's just there's something about him where he's going to hold on to this energy In whatever way he is but the negative influence attached to it Can be Sived out Okay how do we do that And she kind of sighs and goes over to some books that she has She has some little books and she's flipping through And uh she's scanning passages and putting a book to sleep And uh she's looking for books to take to the library And uh she's looking for books to take to the library down and picking another one up and flipping through again.

And she gets to a section and she kind of taps her fingers on it. It says, this might, this might work, but it might be kind of tough to explain to him. There is a waterway nearby that has some of the properties that are described in this book that might help flush him of these negative influences and allow him to use the power in him as he sees fit. He's like being possessed? In a sense, more being nudged. Okay, by who or what? Whatever is contained in this thing.

Oh, there's like a person in this box. That would appear to be the case. Fuck. Because if this is, I assume that this has not happened before? No, we, I've never, we've known Billy for like a year, but we've never seen him do this, I think. In an entire year. Yeah. Yeah. So, what changed? What circumstance changed? We killed a bunch of frog people. Billy gained public office. Was that it? Okay. The power of public office? Probably not so much.

Just saying, if this is, if this is the feeling that I'm getting from Billy, there's something here. I know that for sure. And if you're saying that this box is relatively new, whatever is influencing him is likely the result of his contact or proximity to this box. Okay. So, we have a question. What is the power of public office? What is the power of public office? We have to get it out of him, put it back in the box. Is he strong enough to go to the waterway?

I think if you give me some time, I can. How much time do you need, doctor? I'll let you know. Okay. How far away is the waterway we have to go to? Half a day. And why is it, why did you say it was going to be tough to explain to him? Well, there's a lot of, I'll come along. Oh, maybe break it down beforehand. There's a sort of being vague as all hell. There's a sort of meditative technique. Okay. Waters act as a, as a, as a king. Okay.

And then there's a sort of, there's a sort of, there's a sort of, there's a sort of, as a, as a conduit for energies. Yes. Uh-huh. We all know this. And by submerging him in these waters, we might be able to keep the good and release the bad. Might. Sweet. Cool. Might. I don't know. This is, guess what? Hey, look at me. Magic hasn't existed in this part for like 90 years at least. How old are you? I'm old enough to party. Wow. And then he flicks his little cocaine bag about it.

And but what this is new this is new ground for me this is all theoretical okay let me just break down what I understand billy is like a tea bag full of bad tea we want to get the bad tea out so we want to dunk him in this magic water steep him steep the shit out of him and then the bad stuff is gone and it's contaminated the water but we don't care about that I just wish that that wasn't as accurate as it is he's a reverse tea bag thank you yes billy is a reverse tea bag we're gonna is that what we're doing we got there can just give me some time to get your friend back okay I don't know why you were so reluctant to explain this process you don't know why I'm I'm reluctant to explain complex magical theory to you yes I did I got it didn't I what am I not there now get out of my hut okay fine I overstepped my bounds and then I uh I do that thing where you try and find the edge of a curtain yeah like this wall where's the fucking where's the fabric the fabric part come on it's all fabric the fabric where do the reeds separate just right here and then I just tear the side of the I put my hand between two reeds and I tear it open and I was like go just go your hut's a piece of shit and I walk out rude yes I understand but we're all stressed you guys leave I try and ving tries to put the reeds in the wall and I'm like oh my god I'm not gonna do that I'm not gonna do that I'm not gonna do that I'm not gonna do that I'm not gonna do that I'm not gonna do that reeds back as he's just don't I'll fix it I'll fix it just leave just go okay billy back on the hill back on the lone tree hill okay you're alone for now yeah and you don't know how much time has passed could have been a couple minutes could have been a couple days but the sun never set but it had that feeling yeah where it's like gonna maybe yeah exactly but it's had that feeling for an indeterminate amount of time all right and you're watching the clouds pass over the sun and you start feeling a little dizzy and you're like oh my god I'm not dozy this is a nice little nap spot maybe yeah the the anger has passed okay you you feel like a little almost like the feeling of resentment but with no target you know what I mean but you're still like this is a nice hill this is a nice spot your eyes close you feel the warmth of the sun and your eyes open and you're looking into the face of hudir oh oh well all right that uh that did the trick what what what!

And it's got little salt fishes do you think you could eat a fish for me you think you could eat one of these little fish I guess they're so tasty here here try one okay thanks we we thought that we'd lost you there for a little bit oh sorry do you know what happened what do you what do you remember billy like doesn't really want to tell her okay yeah that's fine she looks in your eyes she says do you feel any different no you think you can walk I don't know okay why well we've just got a little we got a little trip we're gonna make in a little bit but I'll let you rest I'll let you rest okay she gives you a pillow like a little bundle of grass so do you want to stay on the table or do you want to yeah okay I'll be back where's the fish she moves scoots the ball closer to you there you go uh and you guys leave the village or not leave the village leave the hut and you're sort of in the village square I wanna I'm gonna walk down to where they have the uh um I'm gonna walk down to where they have the crocodile and I'm gonna be I'm going to rip some of the hide off.

Okay. So I'm going to do that. Yeah, that's going to take… Do I have to roll for it? Well, no. Defy danger? No. There's no… It will take time. But you have time. Yeah. Like, how much are you looking to get? I kind of just want to make a suit of armor for Billy. That does take, like, three different skills, you realize? Yeah, no, you're not just going to be able to make a suit of armor. You're basically going to be draping bloody skin over Billy. Okay, well, is there anyone in this town…

Okay, I… Oh, yeah, Billy's nude. Yeah. Totally nude. I go to one of the villagers that is standing around the crocodile, and I take the impenetrable billhook that I have, and I push whoever's, like, standing in my way out of the way, and I hack… I just hack half of the crocodile off, and I start dragging it away. Okay, yeah, it takes a while for you to cut through this big old crocodile with a hand tool. Yep. Yep. I'm really pissed off. Yeah, totally.

Because Houdir is fucking talking to me from her goddamn high horse, treating me like I'm a… Some dumb piece of shit that deserves to be educated. So, yeah, so you drag away a piece of a crocodile? Yes. Yeah, why? And where to? And then I want to take it to someone who will turn it into armor for Billy in the village. I'm standing in the middle of the town screaming, who can make this into armor for Billy? Are you with me at this point? No, I'm looking for the cat. Wicker! Okay. So, okay.

So, you drag it into the middle of the village. Yes. And a young woman comes up. She's got sort of short, dark hair. Uh-huh. She's kind of cleaning herself up. She's wiping some dirt and stuff off her arms. Yes. It looks like she just got done burying something. What did you just bury? Just some… I'm just fermenting something. It's fine. Okay. You're making kombucha? It's not… Oh, Ving hears this and comes right over. Did I hear someone say fermenting? You guys like the booch? Yes.

We are booch heads. You guys like getting booched? Check it out. And then I lift my shirt up and there's a tattoo that says booch heads. You don't wear a shirt. Yep. It's just said booch heads this whole time. Okay. I lift my armpits up. Yeah. Underneath each arm it says booch and head. It says booch heads. Yeah. Oh, great. Well, you know what? In a couple of days… That's not real. That's a joke. I know. Of course. And this cold kombucha thing is bullshit. She says, what are you doing with…

That's not sanitary. That can't be good. Yeah. There's a lot of flies accumulating on it right now. Yeah. Fermenting it, though. Yeah. Well, at least the fermenting is underground where the flies can't get it. Yeah, that's true. You're doing it right. Yeah. Thank you. You're doing it right. You're doing it tight. What's your plan with this crocodile? If you want to ferment, keep it out of the light. That's a great rhyme. Can I use that? Sure. I just made it up.

I will not remember it next session. That's okay. Neither will I. Okay. So what's your plan with this big crocodile? I need to find a taxidermist or a leather. Or a leather worker or someone that makes armor out of animal hides. Yes. Also, maybe someone that can enchant it. I will literally pay you anything. I don't think that that's what taxidermists do. Okay. Well, then I'm like, just give me something, and then I pull out the two diamonds that I have. This is a fishing village. Okay. One.

No, that's two. One is, that's not what taxidermists do. Two is, this is a fishing village. We don't really have any leather workers. Okay. Okay. Fucking work with me. What do you want? Look at these diamonds. I have diamonds. Look around. Look at the diamonds. Yeah, they look very nice. I have this. I have raw materials. I lift up the, like, very quickly decomposing crocodile. Where did you get the clothes that you're wearing? This is, like, fabric. This is homespun.

They look amazing, by the way. Thank you. I feel pretty. I like them. Who did your hair? Uh, me. It looks so cute. It really shapes your face. Thank you. I woke up like this, and I do every day, because I don't do anything. I don't do anything with my hair. What's your name? Uh, Linda. Nope. No, that was good. Fine. Linda's good. Uh, Linda. Linda's my dad's girlfriend's name. Interesting fact. Interesting fact to open with.

Ving's just kind of looking at the ground, thinking about how he probably wouldn't be able to date somebody with the same name as his dad's girlfriend. Anyways, that's a big, that's a big crocodile. Yes. So. I need you to turn around. Turn it into armor for a child. I cannot do that. Who can? Facilitate it. Okay. I can facilitate it by maybe sending it to Highspear or one of the, like, I don't know what you want me to say. I am desperate for this to happen as quickly as possible.

Walk me through the steps that will get me there. Okay. Well, what I can tell you is that I can't. Okay. Jesus Christ. Okay. So what she says is, I, okay. I want to say this as gently as possible to you. That is not going to happen. Okay. You're talking about weeks worth of work. Oh, God. I, this is all I want right now. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Give me an alternative. Okay. My alternative is that just put the day before you all got here, a merchant.

There's a merchant that is stopped by the village on their way to Highspear. Okay. Is he still here? So they might. Yes. Yes. They might have something for you. This is exactly what I wanted from the beginning of this interaction. And that's why you dragged half a crocodile corpse into the middle of the village. Also, I wanted to do it. Play it. Like a hand puppet. And then I put my hand inside of it. No, no, no, no, no. This is good. This is good. Watch. No, this is funny. This is funny.

I'm going to do. I look. I'm going to. I'm going to drink a cup of water. And then. Hello there, everybody. Just come with me. Wait, I'm not done. All right. Back in the hut with Billy. Bullrush Village is the most tolerant. It's a small town, man. It's a small town on the side of a river. I would assume that a lot of people let Tuck. Get up. Get away with a lot because I'm pretty physically. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. Physically squishing their faces with your fist. Yeah. Whatever.

So, Billy, you are in the hut and you are resting on the table, eating some saltfish, your little pouches down on the ground. But from that direction, you start to feel, you know, the sound when a TV is on, but it's not on any channel. Yeah. It's it kind of feels like that. OK. Down in the direction of your little pouch. My pouch. Yeah. OK. Is there anyone around? Hudeer is left momentarily. Alec, he is asleep on the ground. OK. I'm going to go down to my pouch then, I guess. Yeah.

So you clamber down off the table and you root around a little bit. You start digging around in your bag and at the bottom of the bag, you feel something hard and you pull it out. It is the crystal that you remember Tuck pulling from the lantern. It's a little bit like a lantern in Mayor Boggins's house. OK. It's it's almost warm to the touch, but you don't feel any warmth. You know, it's hard to explain. Like you kind of feel it. OK. Yeah. It feels nice. Like an energy coming from it?

A little bit. Yeah. It's almost calming. Yeah. OK. Well, I take it back with me to the bed. I just tuck myself in with it. With this little crystal. Yeah. Yeah. And and at the same time, as you're kind of doing this, you press the crystal to your skin a little bit as you're cuddled up. And you hear a rustling from the director. And in the direction of the flap, you see Wicker. Wicker. Walking into the hut. Come here.

And she goes meow and hops up on a stack of books and then hops up on the table. And she lays down lengthwise, doesn't even curl up, like lays down on the table all stretched out right next to you. Hi. Yeah. Can I cuddle you? Yeah. She's nuzzling you pretty hard. Cool. I'm going to cuddle her as well. I like that a lot. Yeah. That was very pleasant. Great. And you kind of you kind of drift off to sleep a little bit more. Just just just to rest off. Just a restive nap.

So, Tuck, do you go with Tuck thing? Yeah. Yeah. Let's go check this merchant. Linda. I'm trying to get some teeth out of the as we're walking. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Badass necklace. I'm singing the song. Badass necklace coming my way. Badass necklace. I'm accompanying him with the crocodile as the accompaniment. Badass necklace. Badass necklace. Get out my teeth. I'm not a dentist, but I am a jeweler. I'm not a dentist, but I am a crocodile. So, Linda leads you into the hall, the main hall.

Oh. And outside tied up at the hitching post that Dan tied Daisy up at, you see another horse. Almost like it looks like more like a mule piled with bags. You head into the lodge and you see Dan kind of kicking it in the corner. He seems like he's like, hey, big crocodile to do, huh? Yeah, man. Check it out. Watch this. Cut it in half. Oh, wow. Hello there. Wow. I'm a crocodile. That is upsetting. Yeah. Can you see my lips move when I do this? I can. Watch his lips. Watch his lips.

Look at my lips. Hello. Yeah, they're moving. I lost. And so are the severed tendons at the bottom of that crocodile. Yeah. He's terrible at it. I think it's tendons that are in its mouth run all the way to the bottom of its body. Oh, that makes sense, I guess. I'm going to go back to my book. Okay, cool. I'm just going to hang out. I'm feeling a little. I'm feeling a little beat. Goodbye, Dan. Great. Bye, guys. I love you. Say it back. I love you too, crocodile. My name is Gerald.

I love you too, Gerald. Say Gerald the crocodile. Gerald the crocodile. Say I love you, Gerald the crocodile. I love you, Gerald the crocodile. Can I go back to my book, please? Yeah. What are you reading? It's just a book of poetry. Read us a poem, Dan. Just a line. Yeah, read us a poem. Later, later, later. No, no, no. Do it now. Now is now. Do it now. Poetry forever. All right. Okay. Okay. Okay. Fine. He flips to like a random page. He says, okay, you guys aren't going to like this.

It's well, I mean, then you might like it. It's Elvin poetry. It doesn't translate great though. That's the thing. Okay. Okay. Fine. Fine. Fine. You're going to hate this. I like it, but you're going to hate it. I hate you. Leaves of green, grass of green, sky of green, blood of green. Now, hold on. You wanted me to read this to you and I'm reading it to you. Yes, we're listening. Okay. Eyes of green, air of green, hair of green, bear of green. It does say bear of green. You've heard this one.

Yes. I told you it doesn't translate great. This is from when I was a tiny kid when I read this. Anyways, I'm going to finish. I'm going to finish my book. If you can just, I'll talk to you guys later. And he goes back to reading and Linda points you in the direction of the merchant whose name is Lumply. What's he look like? He is a halfling. He's a shorter halfling. Guy. He's kind of stocky, tan skin, wrinkly around the face, light blonde hair, which is unusual.

You haven't really seen blonde hair on a halfling before, but it looks pretty good on him. Yes. For us, the tips of the whole thing. What? Oh, the whole thing. Yeah. You think it might even be natural. Whoa. Whoa. I know. Wow. He looks good. He does look wrinkly skin. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's pretty handsome for a halfling. Yeah. He's got that. Like, he's just a small, handsome man. Okay. And he's sitting at the table and he's eating. He's eating a bowl of food. Are his teeth whitened?

It's hard to tell from here. Okay. How orange is he? Yeah. You said darker skin? Tan? I said, like, tan skin. Like, he's outside a lot. Oh, he's outside a lot. Yeah. It's a natural tan. It's a natural tan. Okay. I guess we thank Linda. So I take the crocodile and I go, thank you, Linda. She rolls her eyes and turns around. And then I go, give me a kiss. She's gone. Okay. Linda's left. Wow. Some people do not appreciate art. Good riddance. Oh, no. And so the little halfling's sitting.

And he's eating. And he looks up as you come to talk to him. And he says, oh, hello. Can I interest you in some of my wares? And then I go, can I interest you in a deal? And he goes, holy potatoes. What is? Okay. Could you? Could you get rid of that? Well, I need you to do a thing with it. I will stop talking with it, though, if it is. It's pretty upsetting. Seems to be upsetting a lot of people. It's pretty upsetting. It's pretty upsetting. Yes. I think it's hilarious. Yeah. And then I put it.

I put the crocodile head on Ving's shoulder. It's like, and then we go. I'm super upset by all of this. I'm sorry. It's awful. You don't think that elves and crocodiles can be friends? I'm from a different land. And sometimes I issue conventions of the civilized world. Wink. Good thing to remember. Good point. And I'll put up with anything because I want to. Impress tuck. Yes. Wink. We're a perfect team. There is no bank for that one. But he says, so what can I, what can I do for you? Gents?

We just fought this crocodile. Our friend is dying. Maybe we have. He's a small boy that we are going to teabag later. And for that event, I want you to make him a suit of armor out of the hide of this paleolithic crocodile. He's too naked. Okay. He is nude. Now we, we want him to be clothed. For the teabagging. Okay. I got a lot of questions. Yes. And I'm not going to ask any of them. You with the blonde hair. I'm looking to make a sale. Yeah. Uh, first things first. Can't do that. Fuck me.

I am not an armor. I'm not a leather Smith. I'm a merchant. I'm a merchant. Wait. Okay. Roll a, uh, I need you to roll something for me. Uh, okay. So this is a move that we're going to use called supply. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Something special beyond what's usually available here or non mundane. It is mundane. Most things in this world are mundane. Unfortunately roll plus your charisma.

Uh, four plus two plus two, six plus two is eight, eight. So at eight, you'll have to pay more or settle for something that not, that's not exactly what you wanted, but close. Okay. So how big is this person? He's a halfling child. Halfling child. Yes. I got great news for you. Okay. So he, he goes over to some sacks that he's moved out from outside into, into the hall so he can keep an eye on them. Oh, and Vinc thinks that the sacks are Billy's new clothes because they're shaped like that.

Perfect. Those will fit. We'll take them. Nice. Oh, burlap. Box them up. And he starts digging around and he pulls out a little, like he's got leather armor that is small, but he's like, okay, so this is, full disclosure, this is for a full-grown halfling, but check it out. And he grabs like the breastplate, which is like roughly the size of his torso. And he pops something on the back and he yanks and like the bottom half comes off. It says halfling child-sized. Wow, that's great.

That looks awesome. Okay, hold on one second. 25 gold for the lot. Okay, what's the conversion rate from diamonds to gold? Diamonds. Hypothetically. Hypothetically. Two diamonds, knock 50 gold off. So one diamond is 25 gold. That would be what I have appeared to establish. Okay, cool. Apparently I'm rich. Here's one diamond. Give me the leather armor. Tuck. What? Those are diamonds. Did you see how wide his eyes got? Okay, hold on. Here's the crocodile. You see it? Yeah, I see it.

It's getting close to your head now. He pulls his head back like, yeah, still got most of its teeth. Yeah, it's a lot of teeth. Still pretty dangerous. Yeah. I'm dangerous. Okay. Now I'm holding it on top of you. Hold on. Hold on. Just stay right there. I'm not done explaining what I'm doing. I am very strong. I can smash this down on top of you. How much is a diamond worth in terms of gold? Are you threatening me? 100%. That is what I'm doing. Yes. You leave. Okay.

You get out of here right now. I'm not comfortable with this anymore. I'll talk to him. Okay. You go. Okay. Do you want the armor or not? I do. One diamond. Okay, here's a diamond. Thank you very much. Go away. Okay, tell me how much it's worth now. Go away. What? Talk to his way outside. I want you to leave. Okay. I will talk to your friend. Take two steps back. Is this far enough? Out. Okay, outside. I'm standing outside but I'm looking in the window. So he gets, he kind of pulls you closer.

He's like, hey, come here. Get a little closer. Yeah, don't touch me. What? Come here. This is a great deal for me. Yeah, I know. This is great. I want you to know person to person. Oh, I just fleeced you guys good. You son of a bitch. But it's just my, it's my job. It's my job. I'm going to be out of here end of the day. Things, gills are flaring. Yeah. So thank you very much. Here's your armor. How much is it worth? You promised. Well, it depends on where you sell it.

I could probably get, I don't know, two, three hundred gold for one of these and high spear. Now I'm outside and I go, hey, I feel remorseful of how I handled that situation. Yeah, he's really sorry. That's the crocodile? Yes. Great. Great. Well, thanks. Business adjourned. Yes. Here's your armor. Thank you. Here are your clothes. I'm outside. Now, please let me finish my food. Okay. Okay. What do you have to eat? It's just some, I don't know, stew. Okay. Can you steal that from him?

I turn into a rabbit. Okay. And back to the hut. And I am sorry about it. So, Billy, you're resting on the table with wicker. Yeah. Tummy full of saltfish. Yeah. And Houdier comes back in. She comes up and she kind of lays a hand on your shoulder. Mm-hmm. Says, how are you feeling? What? Oh, hey. Yeah, no, you're sleeping. It's okay. She's like petting, she's petting wicker a little bit, kind of scratching her under the chin. She says, I see you found your little friend here. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

So, are you feeling, you feeling any better? I guess so. Great. So, we got a little, we got a little, little trip we're going to make. Okay. Okay. You up for it? Yeah, but like with who? Oh, with me and with your friends. Okay. And the cat can come along too. Okay. Great. So, she like packs all this stuff in your little satchel, hands it to you, picks you up under the armpits and like puts you on the ground. Can I have this blanket? Which, oh, oh, oh, yeah. Yeah, sure. Yeah, of course. Okay.

Yeah. And I just wrap it around myself like a toga. It's a little cold out. Yeah, of course. Yeah. Great. So, yeah, we'll go find your friends. We come sprinting up. Billy, Billy, where are your clothes? Billy. Oh, I have clothes. Look. And then I twirl around it in my toga. Yeah, but what do you think of this armor? Nah. Okay. What? Oh, yeah. He just throws it away. Oh, man. Oh, man. That's great. That's great stuff. How are you doing, Billy? Pretty good. Yeah?

Do you want this to be this granola? Sure. Okay, here you go. Thank you. What's a tubular toga, bud? Thank you. Yeah, you look like a king of a place. Yeah, I feel pretty good now. Do a king walk. Okay, so I like crab walk a little because I don't know what you're talking about. King crab. Yeah. King crab walk. That's our Billy. Yeah, you're looking good. Thanks. Yes. Wow, everyone's so nice to me right now. Yeah. So, I think what's a little like a sage behind his ears like Julius Caesar?

Ooh, nice. Nice. Nice. You look pretty. So, you guys, after supplying up with Lumpley, you meet Houdir at the end of, at the shore of the river and she kind of looks up and down its length and seems set on a direction and she turns to all of you and says, all right, we're off. Billy, we're going to teabag you. What? And that's the game for this week. Thanks for listening. This has been Spout Lore. I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara. With me as always, player's Paul. You son of a… You bitch.

Abdul. And Jessica. I'm sorry, I'm eating. And as always, our technical producer, Westlord and Abdul. Bleep bloop. Thanks to Hecklers for letting us record in the upstairs Ratfish Lounge on Gorge Road in Victoria, British Columbia. Thanks to Aaron Reed for our amazing intro and outro music. And we have been playing Dungeon World, a game by Adam Coble and Sage LaTorah, which is a hack of a game called Apocalypse World by D. Vincent Baker.

You can find all of that stuff on the internet if you want it.

And so ends the tale of adventures three who tried the best they can Though dumb and scared and lost they be For time's abreast in revelry And though our journey may be like a conclusion We will not leave you without a resolution Return next week to hear some more Whilst you commute or do your chores And for you I gladly spell Dawn I'm not a dentist but I am a jeweler I'm not a dentist but I am a cruxie crocodile You guys are forgetting the classic board game Crocodile Dentist.

Is that a real board game? Yeah. It's like a little plastic crocodile. You open the mouth and you're poking the teeth. If you're lucky. If you poke the wrong one it goes Whoa. Chomps on your hand. A lot of kids lost their fingers that way. Do you remember the theme song? Crocodile Dentist biting your hand. Crocodile Dentist be careful kids. Crocodile Dentist of Milton Bradley.

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes, noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape, and wields a spear with great might Billy's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends, and listen close For the tale's about to start Hi, welcome to Spout Lore!

I'm your host, your Game Master, Sean O'Hara. With me as always are players Paul, Abdul, and Jessica. And joining us is guest NPC, Sophie Buttle. What is NPC? Maybe, uh, do you know much about Dungeons & Dragons? No, why? You don't have to. Is this a Dungeons & Dragons podcast? Paul, did you not explain? What? It's a Dungeons & Dragons podcast. I really wish somebody explained this to you ahead of time. It's fine, it's fine. Okay, so don't worry about any of that. Basically. I wasn't, until now.

No, okay. So what I'm saying is that usually, as you can see, there's a pile of dice here. There are dice rolls that happen. That was a bit of an alarm bell when I came in, if I can be honest. The Druid. I wish somebody explained this to Sophie. So I didn't have to be the, I had to explain Dungeons & Dragons to enough people in high school, and I wish I didn't have to do it now. Well, get ready. Sophie, can you make him feel bad about himself while he's explaining this to you?

Oh, I did that all through high school, so we're both ready to go. I'm not sure if I'm doing this right. I'm not sure if I'm doing this right. I'm not sure if I'm doing this right. Okay, so what, okay, so- I've seen Stranger Things, does that help? Yeah, sure, it gives you an idea. I really can't believe nobody explained this podcast to you. That's my bad. Do you feel like you're being tricked right now? Yeah. Oh, okay. That's better. That's better. That's better. That's better. That's better.

That's better. That's better. That's better. That's better. That's better.

It's a real Peyton switch when you said when you said our podcast I thought like oh you and Abdul talking about comedy like classic not anything it's different it's different good move Paul some would say the opposite of talking about comedy anyways we are continuing our game of Dungeon World today and what happened last session oh this is a two-parter oh we've got a lot of episodes you're jumping into it's like it's a lot like cereal Stranger Things yeah Mad Men totally okay so you guys pack up with Who Deer and Wicker is sitting on top of Tuck's shoulder Billy's walking and he's like oh my god how far Who Deer explained that it was about a half day away a half day of travel and she takes you down a road that runs alongside the bus the Bullrush River the rain that started earlier in the day kind of clears a little bit and the sun starts peeking up from the clouds is Dan with us?

No Dan stayed behind okay are we going back? Uh yeah she's taking you somewhere to to fix Billy basically to try and expunge him of this uh malevolent influence do then you're coming back I was wondering did I get my amulet back from Dan?

No yeah no I don't think we ever did that okay I really have to beat the shit out of that guy no he'll give it back he just hasn't yet okay you know he just keeps forgetting okay but you guys have been traveling for a couple hours uh through the early afternoon sun and the river is slowly winding its way alongside the road and up ahead you see what looks like a colorful tent oh by the side of the road ooh food maybe yeah yeah you see a little smoke coming up from a little fire or stove next to the tent nice yeah what's outside the tent?

What's outside the tent? Me so could you describe describe your tent a little bit what it sort of looks like what you look like it's kind of like are you guys familiar with Cirque du Soleil?

Uh huh well it looks like a Cirque du Soleil tent except bigger oh my god and more French Canadian acrobats that's my team they're very good sales people very effective so this is like a department store tent um I don't really know what that is welcome to the world wow this place is huge okay yeah so it's not a small striped tent it's an enormous striped tent it's an enormous tent it's like a pavilion it's also not striped it's it's velvet okay it's red velvet it's very sexy it's a sexy tent uh huh but what do you what do you look like?

I'm really tall nice like how tall? Like really tall and skinny and I have red hair but I'm like pulling it off wow and I have bangs holy shit wow I like that this is what fantasy is for Sophie is in this world now bear with me I have bangs and it works no no no hear me out though I have a white shirt on no stains not a one not one stain holy shit do you have any bows? Do you carry weapons here? Hi I'm Ving that's a bad name what's your name?

Vong I'm Ving who dear walks up to the tent turns to you guys and says this might be a good opportunity to stock up for the road ahead we also have knockoff bags we have knockoff designer bags could you point me in the direction of those bags? Over there okay great then she wanders off to a table full of knockoff bags okay do you have any bagel bites or anything? Any old snacks?

Like era specific we don't have bagel bites we have bagel bites we have bagel bites we have pizza pockets it's kind of similar Billy? Oh he's busy I heard he's the fat is that what? Yes he's very small he's like two and a half three feet tall I'm two feet tall oh I can barely see him because I'm so tall as well remember I'm 5'11 is that too crazy for this world?

If that's too crazy I'll be 5'8 I'm so happy with that I'm 5'8 I'm so happy with that my name is Tacoma Dome I'm a barbarian and I'm currently not romantically attached to anybody oh I'm a redhead so I'm unavailable obviously okay well I need to buy an axe oh an axe yeah the guitars are on floor four sweet Bing what do you need? I need a bow do you sell poultices? Just a bow then do you have a bow and some arrows?

Yeah the hair supplies are at the back can you take us to the fourth floor and show us some of your axes oh yeah and bows great is Billy looking for anything in particular?

Billy has found the pizza pockets whatever they may be he was interested in that so he is stealing them whoa yeah alright that's how you get banned young lady I'm a boy exactly I'm a boy I'm gonna need a don't assume double band I'm gonna need a roll 2d6 plus dexterity because there's an opportunity to get caught here six six that's a failure so mark a point of experience wait can I help him? So how do you distract Vong?

Okay so I like I'm easily distracted by sexy dancing if that's not okay yeah I can do that really well alright so 2d6 plus bond 10 plus 2 yeah that's a lot alright that's great 12 very good so I do a real sexy dance it's crazy do you have side abs? Yes wow I'm only flexing the side abs wow and I'm like oh oh oh oh oh and I'm like distracted and sexy and so Billy's filling his bag with pizza rolls at this point?

Yeah just a few just well no more than a few to be honest and he's gonna scurry outside the tent oh so you go outside and uh and who dears out there and she's got um a new bag and she's like Billy look at the bag that I bought mmm Chanel it was only it was only one coin it's nice right?

I guess I'm trying to get attention of one of the store clerks who are bouncing all over the gosh darn place yeah there's somebody hanging from the from a beam on the roof excuse a oh excuse a somebody help me please if you're having troubles finding a sales associate you can just grab one of the butterfly nets we have available you just gotta catch it catch em and then they'll help you out okay hip huh aha and they're like sacre bleu yeah alright listen do you have any bows? Bonjour no huh?

The big tall lady fella downstairs said uh you might have a bow for me no uh bows uh easy oh thank you thank you one arrows do you have any arrows?

No arrows aha ah wah wah wah wah wah ah la bah thank you so you outfit yourself with a bow and arrow and you're upstairs looking at axes I'm looking at uh axe I'm looking at bass guitars and I'm looking at the weapon axes that are standing next to them which combination of these two things makes me look the most rad I would go with the bass guitar if I can be honest with you it just it suits your brand cool I'm gonna grab I'm gonna grab a bass and it's got it's double necked double headed triple headed double necked and fretless fretless whoa uh yeah I'm gonna get a musical instrument but I also do want to get one of these weapons oh did I mention that the acoustic bass guitars also have knives hidden in them whoa cool what?

Uh can I also buy a weapon though? Oh no it's only one purchase per customer are you serious?

Yeah oh fuck we're pretty strict about that I really needed a weapon well Billy actually hasn't bought anything yet Billy's outside he doesn't seem to be interested have one more purchase we can make though doesn't seem to well you can go talk to him Billy we are uh we're limited to one purchase per customer and you're the only one that hasn't made a purchase yet so does Billy help Tuck out with his uh are you gonna buy anything? Mmm is there anything are there any throwing knives that I see?

Oh certainly well are there throwing knives? Yeah they came with the bass I already said oh well then we're fine okay but if I give you these throwing knives can you buy me an axe? Boot me an axe I guess just boot him an axe okay fine okay fine and uh yeah you all meet outside cool here Billy thanks for can I come with you guys?

Yes I'm okay with it oh I can't I have to finish my shift at work oh okay yeah oh okay I would have loved to so you start walking down the road and as you sort of Houdir is very obviously looking introspective she's got a lot of questions a lot of concerns and she turns around she goes what and you look back and the tent is gone oh wow are my pizza pockets gone? No oh are your pizza pockets gone?

Yes but maybe you ate them maybe because I ate them so in the future when we ask people to do the podcast can we just maybe explain that there's gonna be dice at least no deal anyways and then so you guys carry on for a while the river is babbling to one side the sun is higher in the sky and the clouds have more or less cleared which is nice and Houdir is walking next to Billy do you remember anything that happened earlier today?

I don't know Billy's been in a weird mood since he had that dream or whatever it was do you mention the dream at all? I don't think I did tell her that I don't know I guess I kind of just have like a bit of a stomach ache from walking pizza pockets I don't know what was in it and I did eat a lot like at least seven okay so you're just not feeling well?

I don't feel good and I just feel like I just feel annoyed all the time I don't like it okay well we're gonna try and help you that's what this is all about is we're gonna try and make you we're gonna try and help you feel better okay and your friends will take care of you yeah they always have you got something bad inside of you Billy and it's not just pizza pockets okay well it feels like it's been a while pizza pockets and if it is then there's really only one one way I can take care of that is not being not here maybe like over in that bush but you guys don't want to be around for that yeah do you want to go take a shit Billy?

Do you have to barf bud? That's kind of what I'm trying to say oh okay yeah okay so I'm gonna scurry into the bush okay okay well really non-emergency way of saying you have to go diarrhea yeah how are you liking your purchase? I love it look at this yeah it looks good it's brown yeah it's got the string on it yeah it's got those runes on it oh runes I don't know what they say it looks like can you read them? No no they look like they're dwarvish though I think very cool can I read these runes?

I'd like to Spout Lore all right Spout Lore about these runes 2d6 plus intelligence 8 well since you only got a 7 to 9 that means that I tell you something interesting but not useful and the thing that you know is that they are not dwarvish they're a dialect of dwarvish but more for hill tribes that are commonly referred to as gnomes oh I'd like to Spout Lore on you can't just on gnomes? No no no no no just on gnomes?

Yeah on the gnomes yeah for sure 2d6 plus intelligence to recall what you can about the gnomes how much intelligence? Zero okay cool great four that's two twos mark a point of experience sorry can I aid? No I can't no no that wouldn't help at all what happens?

Well there's just no like you guys are standing on the side of the road yeah like what kind of failure just let me man this is like a weird time for a failure okay you are standing on the side of the road talking about this bullshit and you're telling telling some stuff about gnomes that is not true can I just say whatever?

Say whatever you want I heard that gnomes don't usually make weapons and so this is actually really rare I think I think like it's probably one of the only weapons I heard there's like a subsect of gnomes that like are mostly they're peaceful but these were like warrior gnomes that broke off and then once they were finished their warring they became like capitalist gnomes and they used their ability to manufacture weapons they started selling weapons to the elves and so they started manufacturing these like beautifully made weapons beautifully crafted bows and there's not a lot of them left and I think that's one of those do you think maybe this one came from an elf?

Yeah maybe so all of that is wrong yeah that's not true at all okay and while you guys are talking about this Billy you're you've wandered over to a part near the river where it starts getting a little more forested like there's more trees as the plains shift into sort of a rougher piece of land and you're doing some business little poop poop poop poop little poop poop poop poop and as you are done clean yourself up you are walking out and you feel something tug at your leg what is it?

You look down it's a little green tendril a little leafy green shoot from the bush? From just in the trees yeah from the underbrush oh my god I'm just gonna try to like wiggle out of it it's pulling out of the tree it's pulling pretty hard really?

It's pulling harder and harder oh okay um hey guys yeah it's pulling pretty hard now uh okay and um it actually by the time you you figure out what's going on you are being yanked into this underbrush okay I'm just gonna like holler a lot oh I don't know what it is it's a worm I think just bite down and bear it bud I can't I'm on my poop okay so Billy is clearly in trouble right? Uh well he's yelling pretty loud okay you need a wipe?

No but I didn't have time to bury it and guys can you just come here? Okay I guess I run over yeah you run over to where you hear Billy's voice from and uh you see him being pulled up into the air Jesus like in between like he's at the edge of this copse of trees copse? Copse? Copse? Copse? I always kind of hmm?

Stand stand a stand of trees and uh you see him being stand stoned stoned stoned starned yeah you see Billy being lifted up like into the air between threaded between all these trees with green vines Billy what'd you eat bud? What was in those pizza pockets?

Well nothing like this definitely not okay so I guess I just yell Billy I'm coming for you and then I pull out my new axe and I'm gonna take a swipe at those things okay uh give me a 2d6 yeah hack and slash so 2d6 plus your strength or oof you're like rushing into the brush and uh you get pretty close to Billy like maybe 5 meters away and uh something catches your leg and you trip right over land flat on your face oh fuck and you feel the vines start creeping over you oh it feels so gross and they start they start digging into your flesh oh god yeah so uh roll uh d10 2 okay so 2 damage um yeah so you see Vang on the ground being covered by these bushes or these vines and Billy's hanging up in the air between a couple trees I'm gonna go for the heart of the bush as a boar oh okay you're gonna turn into a boar a wild boar cool uh 2d6 plus your wisdom to shape shift good roll 13 so you get 3 hold and you turn into a describe your boar uh he's a huge ridgeback boar of uh gray hair going down his back uh and uh fluffy gray tail um slightly larger than uh the average uh male boar uh big uh big shiny boar big shiny boar and gills of course yeah and gills and only one tusk uh great so so I'm gonna charge into the bush and try and attack whatever okay at the heart of these vines uh yeah so spend a hold because charging is a thing that boars do okay uh and then roll your damage one one um so you like near where tuck is you charge in and you start tearing at the vines with your uh with your tusks and uh you break a couple here and there but the vines are very strong a lot tougher than you expected them to be and uh you're gonna have to do a little bit more and you don't make any discernible progress in damaging this thing shit and billy so you're hanging like upside down basically by these bushes and you start them feel you start to feel them cutting into you oh my little soft skin yeah your your supple flesh is being torn at by these vines wow what do you do what did I ever do to them you were just shit right on top of them you were just nearby how are you angling yourself to like attack this thing while you're upside down I do my best to do a sit-up I've never done that before I've never done that before I've never done one before well that's that's gonna be 2d6 plus strength for your defy danger because you're trying to like okay I'm gonna give it a shot do a sit-up scrunch time yeah I do a pretty good sit-up all right and now roll your hack and slash so 2d6 plus your strength again wow less good um that is three okay so you um oh man you yeah you do a sit-up and you sit-up and you do a sit-up and you start sawing at like the little vines and as like the second you cut into it more vines shoot around your wrist and they tug your arm back wow and you're the knife drops out of your hand and now one of your arms is like stuck out in the air and who dear runs up to the side of the bush and it's just like what is happening everything went wrong right away what can I do this is your land what are these what can we do I've never I I don't know I've never been attacked by a vineyard before do you have any weed killer no okay fair she's like digging around in her bag though she does start digging around okay in uh the satchel that she has to try and find something but you're on the ground what do you do tuck uh I see billy getting like his uh little arms and legs cut and it uh it really like flames up my uh uh internal maternal instinct and I like just rip I'm gonna try and rip out of everything yeah okay so that'll be defied in your strength and since you are uh enacting your hunger for friendship and acceptance to protect your beautiful baby boy billy you roll a d6 and and a d8 okay when I do it I yell five plus strength seven okay great yeah no okay so that's a seven to nine yeah if the d6 is ever higher than the d8 uh something bad happens oh like you go too far okay yeah yeah um you did say fuck me I'm sorry I was just saying anything don't read into that billy did you hear that I heard nothing okay don't read into it who dear I'm she's digging in her bag stop talking don't read into anything I just said it's like I'm just saying whatever just get rid of just deal with this okay I just wanted to make sure everything was cool you tear you just like flex all your your muscles your fuse your mighty fuse yeah and you hear like uh and yeah you you rip off some of the vines and you are now um up on your knees basically you're not fully standing cool so you can't really you wouldn't be able to effectively use your axe to it I'm in a real john wick pose right now I'm going to get the vines that are still attached to him I think I can at least take care of those and maybe get the vines to to get on me okay yeah well it seems like wherever they attacked yeah you can spend a hold to start ripping at these things.

Okay, I run over and start stomping on Tuck's arm vines and leg vines. Yeah, great. So, yeah, you spend a hold and roll your damage again, that d8? Three. Three, okay. You do tear at a couple of them. You see you start ripping out a significant portion and you do free Tuck's two arms. Go for Billy! Go for Billy. So I get up and I'm like, that dog was a gift from my dead wife. Oh my god. I'm sorry. I'm really leaning into the John Wick thing. Billy, you see John Wick rise to his feet.

No, he's not on his feet yet, but he's got his arms free. But your arm is being held out and the vines are starting to dig in a little bit more. What do you do? Are both my arms busy? No, just one. I mean, I don't have a lot of options, so I guess I'm just gonna, maybe I'll avoid the sit-up this time. I might just reach over for my arm, try to cut that off. Not the arm, the vine. Define. High danger dexterity, I guess. 2d6 plus your dexterity. There you go. Pretty good. I got none.

You can cut a large portion of these. Maybe it's enough to at least release one side of you, but you're gonna have to throw your knife. Alright, I'm throwing it. So 2d6 plus dexterity. Nine again. Alright, yeah, so roll your damage. One. Wow. Can't roll again. Oh, you can't roll again? So you do throw it and you snap a couple. You don't do any, like, huge amount of damage. Like, you don't cut the chunk of vines that you were hoping to cut.

But you do cut one that's, like, holding you up in a certain angle. So you cut it and you start swinging down, basically. You get caught, like, you slam into a tree, basically. And it starts growing around you against this tree. Why? Yeah. Okay. That's the danger. So now you're held, but you're, like, lower down, but you're still being held against a tree. Tuck, what do you do? How far away is the tree from me? Like, 12 feet? Okay. And can I get up and go over there?

Or do I still have vines on me? You still have vines on, like, your legs. Okay. I still have the impenetrable billhook, right? Technically, yes, you have your impenetrable billhook. Okay. Can I throw the billhook at the vines that are starting to ensnare Billy? You're throwing a big knife at a child. Okay, maybe I won't do that. It's okay, I have padding. Yes. Yeah, it's your flesh, though. It's a lot of it, though.

Can I try and snap, use the billhook to snap the vines and jump for Billy at the same time? At the same time, we could do that as a defy danger strength, or dexterity, to make sure that you cut it and you get out before it starts to snare you again. I'm gonna do, like, a simultaneous cut jump. Cut jump. Alright. Jump cut. A slice. Slice and jump. 2d6 plus your dexterity. Dexterity? But it's gonna be, as dangerous as, like, throwing a knife at a child. Yeah, for sure. Oh! Ten. Alright.

Yeah, you do it. Sweet. So, yeah, describe, and what do you do next? Like, what's your plan? So I fucking really John Wick it up right now. Where I, uh, so I'm like, I'm in that John Wick pose where I'm, like, crouched and then I fucking just do a John Wick slice of these John Wick vines and I do, I fucking do a John Wick jump where I do, like, a hop and then, like, everything in the air. Like, uh, the bill hook on this side, axe on this side.

I know it's two-handed, but I'm really fucking John Wick-ing it up right now. And then both of my boots out in front of me. So, like, fucking, like, a John Wick jump. Like, everybody knows what a John Wick jump is, right? John Wick jump when he's got a knife in both hands and his arms are out and both his feet are out as well. And then I, uh, I stab the, uh, axe. I, like, I hammer it into the tree. Mm-hmm. And, like, I've got Billy in front of my chest.

Uh, and then both feet under, like, wedged against the tree. And then, like, the uh, knife into, like, some of the vines that are holding. Well, that's gonna be a hack and slash. D6 and D8 because you're trying to save B-Lo. So, uh, seven on the D8 and four on the D. Yeah. So it's a lot of, it's a lot. John Wick and roll, bud. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, that's a hack and slash. Yeah, so roll your damage. Uh, D10. Zero. That is a… No, no, no, no, no. That is a 10. Whoa! Yeah.

Fucking flipping it around. John Wick. Fucking John Wick. So that's a significant amount of damage. Sweet. Describe how you hack away at this plant. I'm fucking losing my mind because Billy is my boy and, uh, I've got the, uh, the axe in the tree on, on his left and the bill hook in the vines on his right.

So then I take a swipe with the bill hook and then I take out the axe and I, I hammer it into the other side of him and then I keep taking swipes on either side until I break down the tree that he is attached to. Whoa. Yeah. Yes. And then I… It hasn't fallen yet. No. But it has, like, started to, you've cut into it a significant amount. Yeah. And then I'm… It's less structurally sound than it was. Yeah. And I'm like, Billy, get in my beard, I guess. I'll do that. Okay.

So, Billy, you're free. Free of the vines. Yay. Thank you. And I give him a little hug around his neck under his beard. Yeah. It makes me stronger. Mm-hmm. And I do more damage. I'm gonna roll again. No, wait. John Wick! Five. You don't do more damage. Fuck. I'm gonna roll a 2d6. Stop. Stop, stop, stop. To ignore your instructions. Oh, Sev, eight plus two strength. You're being a real John Wick right now. I know. You've been a real John Dick. Ah. Fuck. Oh, fuck you guys. That's the line for you?

Yeah. Okay. So, you do that. You free Billy. You hack at this tree till it starts to kind of crack and move. Mm-hmm. But you see the vine starts climbing up the back of Tuck's legs. Mm-hmm. You are pretty busy. What do you… But, Ving, you see this happening. What do you do? I believe that he'll be okay. I want to charge and do the rest of the dirty work with the tree. Oh, yeah. Break it off and send it flying. Make sure that it doesn't… Yeah, cool. Defy danger strength. Six, seven. Great.

So, you… Yeah. And then you slam into the trunk of the tree. Yeah. And set your little hooves and you push and push and it goes like… And tilts back over the other way and slams into a couple of trees but gets caught in like the cross of a few branches and doesn't totally fall but it's not like it settles. Okay. It's not in danger of hurting anybody anymore. Ving yells, John Wick! He doesn't know what everyone's talking about. Yeah.

So, Tuck, you feel the vines start to creep up your legs and start cutting in again. Okay. Well, primary objective is to get Billy to safety. So, I whip my beard towards Houdare. So, the beard whips over and Billy flies out of it. Whoa. Right. Can I roll for that? Yeah. 2d6 plus strength and Billy, do you want to aid by jumping or something? Oh, sure. I'll aid. So, yeah. If you want. I got nine. Two of these? Yeah, two of those plus your bond with Tuck. Holy shit. 13. So, that's a 10. Goddamn.

Yeah. So, Houdare rushes into the, like, closer to you guys and you toss Billy and Billy jumps out of, like, off your chest like a springboard and Houdare catches you in her arms, Billy, and she runs back out of the forest. She's like, like, away from the vines. Whoa, whoa, whoa. She's trying to save you. Yeah, but we can't leave, like, our friends. They'll be fine. Like, look at this thing. This thing almost killed you. Yeah, but I could, I could do something, maybe.

So, are you, like, like, pushing against her? Yeah, so I'm, like, wriggling a punch. Oh, cool. And she, she just lets you go. Like, she's, she just stops. And hit the ground. Hit the ground. On my butt. And so, what's your plan? Um, hmm. Where's, like, the heart of this vine creature? How about you roll me discern realities? Oh, good. A move that we have not used very often, but is a fun one. Yeah. So, that's, plus wisdom. Okay. Seven. Oh, yeah.

Okay, so you get one question off the, uh, discern realities list. If I use, like, who's really in control here, are you gonna tell me something bullshit? No, no, no, no. Are you gonna tell me where the thing is? That's not, like, that's not what I'm here to do. I'm not here to fuck with you guys. So, yeah. I'm gonna, like, use my senses and be, like, what is who or what is really in control here. Yeah, and you're kind of casting your eyes around. Yeah, and they're, like, really suspicious.

Yeah. Totally. And sort of in the middle of where all this happened, you see in the underbrush there's a particularly strong concentration of plant life and you notice that the thickest vines are coming out of the center, like, the root structure of this one clump of bushes. I'm gonna run to that. All right. The remaining vines are mostly focused on tuck, so you can at least get an angle on it depending on what you want to do. What do you want to do? I'm gonna stab it. You're gonna stab it?

Yeah, because it's literally all I can do. That's fine. Stabbing works. Okay. So, you can fight it. Can I use that move where I, like, shoot first? That's more for being surprised. Fine. Whatever. Oh. Oh, my God. If you'd brought that up, you wouldn't have been able to be surprised by the vine. Dang, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. But no, it's cool. No, just to keep it in mind. Okay. Damn. All right, let's just retcon the last 30 minutes. Are you guys cool with that? Cool, yeah.

Can we just cut this, Wes? No, I'm joking. We're not gonna do that. We're not gonna do that. It's fine. I will merely stab it. Okay, so 2d6, but you get to an additional plus one forward because you're acting on the answer that you got from discern realities. I only got six. You got six altogether with the additional plus one? Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah, can I aid? If you can describe how you aid. I'll dig as deep as I can under the bush and try and lift the bush out.

And I'm gonna try and uproot the monster. Okay. Yeah, uprooting sounds like a… So, you gotta do… You do need to roll to aid. Seven. Okay. Yeah, no, that works. Yeah, so you spend your final hold to uproot it and that makes your attack a seven to nine. Thank you. So, yeah, roll a d8. Six. Yeah, no, that… Okay, that does it. So, describe how you guys like kill this thing. I do… I like stab from… With like my arms from above and just like boom, like stab really hard.

That was like the worst description ever. Describe how you stab it. I lift my arms up and I stab. And I stab it. No, that's fine. Yeah, there's like a clump of like roots. Roots. You know, like a weed. Yeah. It's got like… It all comes down to the center but there's the really thick roots underneath. That's where I get it. And then I also like twist my knife kind of into it. I'm just like, yeah, fuck you.

Like, I don't swear a lot and I really hope they don't hear me because I'm gonna get in trouble. Yeah, so Ving like pulls it up out of the ground and you see the roots like the ball basically and just right in there. But as you're doing that, it's little life roots whip out and start grabbing and slicing at you because it knows this is its like last chance to get you out of there.

It knows to maybe keep you back but it gets both of you and it starts like cutting and whipping and slicing as you're killing it. So you guys gonna roll a d10 for me. Five. Two. So five damage and two damage. I'm pretty low by the way. Are you? I only have five points left. Oh, you would have recovered. Oh, five points after this attack? Yeah. Okay. Because that would have killed you otherwise. And there's milk coming out of the root ball. Yeah, it's like milky paste pouring out of it.

Is it making any sounds? I don't think so. I can hear sounds. Oh, yeah, that's true. You can hear. What does it sound like when it dies? Like a horrible screeching like crocodile teeth on slate. Yeah. So you hear this thing die. Yeah, there's like a pungent milky paste coming out of it. It's pretty gross. Can we eat it? No, I don't want to. You can always. I want to grab some of that because it's good for poultices. Yeah, you can always Spout Lore about it if you choose to.

Is this something that you want to know more about or do you just want to grab some just in case? Yeah, I want to grab some just in case. Can I Spout Lore about it? Yeah. Either of you can like recall. Hey, I'm over here still stuck to the tree. Can I Spout Lore about it? No, it starts now that now that they've like stabbed it to death the vines that were encasing your legs have withered and fallen away. Seven. With what? Oh, with your intelligence. Okay, seven. Seven.

We have no intelligence between the three of us. I know, it's great. So what you know is that this plant is called an assassin vine and that this is what they do. They surprise people that are unwary and they grab them and they hurt them and when they start digging into you often sometimes they can inject a mild, mild paralytic. It basically makes it so it numbs you so it doesn't hurt as much when you die. It's a real Linkin Park type of plant. Yeah, but they're basically predatory plants. Yeah.

And it's interesting but it's not useful. You could grab it if you want and maybe figure something out about it but you don't know anything about it right now. Like if you want to take some of the milk. I do, I want to take some of its milk. Yeah, assassin milk. Most plants I come across especially if they're alive and trying to kill us I take whatever is coming out. I take whatever is coming out of them. It's a good rule. It's a good rule to have.

Well, otherwise why am I carrying so many mason jars? How do they not all break? Do you still have some shambler brambles from the swamp game? Oh yeah. I sure do. Yeah, and Billy's got a little vial of goblin poison too. You guys are really fantasying it up. Building up a collection of shit. Okay, so Houdir comes in further into the bush and she's like is it dead? Is it gone? Did you deal with it? Yes. Yeah. Yeah, Jinx. You'll be dead. You owe me a You owe me a Butterbeer. Yes. Damn it.

Whatever You owe me whatever John Wick drinks. Yeah. You owe me a scotch with three ninja stars in it. With a bullet. She goes Whoa, that was I've heard stories of plants like that but I've never seen one up close. That was harrowing. Yeah, you did. You didn't do very You weren't that close. I'm an older I didn't bring any I didn't think to bring any weapons with me. It's fair. That's okay. You caught Billy. That means a lot to us. Are you okay? Thank you. Yeah, I'm fine.

I just have a lot of cuts. Okay. Well, she like looks up at the sky and sees like the position of the sun and says do you think that you're good to travel a little bit further? We might need to find somewhere to rest before we get any further into the woods. I need to lay down. Yeah, that's my fear. Okay. You need to heal a little bit. Rest. I can be carried though. We can carry you. Okay. Well, how's everybody doing hit point wise? I'm strong. You guys want I could turn into elk again.

I am I still I have half of my hit points. 21. I still have 24. I still have 12. Wow. I have a master's degree in math. That's incredible. Yeah, it's a real testament to the failure that is our education system. I am near death to be honest. Can Billy rest in my beard? Yeah, for sure. Okay. Is that Ving was saying that he could turn into a you guys want me to elk up? I'll make a stretcher between your horns and Billy can lay down. Perfect. Okay. Oh, 11. So you have three hold.

You have three hold. Okay. Get on Billy. Yeah. And maybe maybe who dear but maybe not all three of you. So yeah, I'll just walk. Okay, cool. I'm fine. Great. So a gigantic man is walking an elk which is being ridden by a smaller lady and a little boy and who deer is riding on Ving's back in his elk form and looking around and she says it shouldn't be far. My only concern is that we will have to leave the road.

We might want to find somewhere to stay for the night and rest up before we you know delve any deeper into the forest. It could be dangerous as you can see the forest isn't always the safest place. Do you know of anywhere we can stay around here? There's like farms and stuff on the plains. Let's maybe stop at a farm to see if we can get a hayloft for the night. So there's a farm about two miles away that you see with a smallish house and a barn and some crops.

What kind of crops are grown out here? Okra. Just okra? What about some waffles? Yeah, there's a couple apple trees. No, waffles. What's a waffle? It's like an apple but it's bigger and it's bigger and it's kind of purple. Ok. Nice. There's a couple waffle trees. Oh, cool. Waffle trees. Oh, man. Can we make some waffles? Oh, man. You know what my favorite was when I had a dad? Yeah. It was waffle pie. He would make waffle pie sometimes. My dad used to make waffle crisp. Yeah, waffle crisp.

Waffle turnover. Waffle juice. Waffle jacks. Yeah, I was going to say I liked waffle jacks. Waffle nut cheerios. Oh, fuck. Waffle nuts. Waffle nuts. Waffle nuts. Waffle nuts. Waffle nuts. Waffle nuts. Waffle nuts. Waffle nut cheerios. Who dear? You read my mind. There's nothing in the fall time like some hot waffle cider. Yeah. A waffle a day keeps a doctor away they always say. Yeah. What's a doctor? Who dear? There's doctors. What's a doctor?

So, yeah, there's some waffle trees lining the dirt road that turns off and you see a… Oh, so a orchard. Oh, man. Orchard. Such a good producer. Such a good producer. Such a good producer. Such a good producer. Such a good producer. We really need you, Mike. Have I ever… He's loving this. Have we ever actually… I don't even think we've actually mentioned apples in the game. So, it's just waffles now. Yeah, it's waffles. Oh, she said they're different from apples.

Yeah, so apples are like… They're rarer. Yeah. Sometimes you find small waffles. Great. Anyways, so you pass the waffle trees and there is a man maybe in his 30s or 40s dumping water into a trough that a bunch of pigs are drinking out of and he hasn't heard you coming yet. I don't want to spook him, so I just from far away, I go… He does… You see him like frown and look up and then see you and his eyes widen. It's like, hey, stop being scared. No, he runs. No, stop running. He runs.

He runs into his house. Come back. And he comes back. And then I… And he's got a spear. No, I run up to the door and I start jiggling the handle while he's in there like, come back out here. Don't be scared of me. The house is far enough away that, I mean, you can roll a defy danger if you want to… That's so dumb. Terrorize this man. But he does come back out and he has a spear, like an old, battered, kind of rusty spear and he's holding it out and he's like, what do you want?

I slowly stand up on my hind legs and then try to talk to him like man to man but as an elk and just like, whoa, I just calm down. We're just normal people just like you, my big friend here, my little fat Billy, this old hoo-deer. We need a place to stay. Can we have some of your waffles? Yeah, his eyes are bugging out. Like, we don't want any trouble. We don't want any… Look, we're just simple farmers.

I'm just growing pigs and waffles and you take what you want but you leave me and my family alone. All's we want is a safe place to sleep for the night. We'll be gone in the morning. He's like, I don't talk to devil animals. I don't talk to… Like, look at this. Animals don't talk. Also, what kind of animal is this anyways? You guys gotta go. You gotta go now. I go, hey, hold on. Wait. Wait one second. I… Look, you don't have… Don't just chill out. Then he's really like getting closer.

He's like, you… You chill out. No, no, no, no, no. Here's the deal. There's a secret organization that they… They're called the Menders and they manage the kind of barrier between worlds that is currently apparently breaking down and we're trying to get to a place so that we can deal with this and then I point at the box in Hedir's bag which contains some like evil spirit or some shit. I don't know. But it's totally safe. Yeah.

But Billy's like, Billy's also kind of infected with the evil spirit so we're taking him. We're gonna teabag him later on to get the evil spirit out of him and he's half elf. The elk is half elf? Yeah. And you have an evil box. Yeah. You gotta go. Oh, can I wake up? Oh, so now you're a racist? And he turns back. Ving turns back just his top half so he's got legs. Okay, so Billy's like just on your head. Yeah. Wait, his top half is an elk? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

I set Billy down and then I turn back so I'm like a… Okay, yeah. So Wicker and Hedir… Oh, no. I just turned my bottom half into a man. Oh, my God. So, but Hedir gets off. Wicker kind of slides off the back of you two so she's padding around on the ground and Billy's still in your antlers. Yeah, but I wake up and I'm like, whoa, whoa, what's going on? And, because I've been asleep this whole time. Yeah, he's like, is this a kid? Yes. You guys have a kid with you? Yes.

Yeah, he got injured by an assassin vine. Yeah, I'm really tired and, oh, is that, are those waffles? Can we stay? That, like, once he sees Billy, he's very confused. He sees Billy and Billy's all torn up, like, from the vines and he hears that you were hurt by an assassin vine and he softens a little bit. He lowers his spear a little bit. He's like, I just don't want any trouble. We're not trying to cause trouble. We're just trying to help our friend.

Somebody's gonna have to make a roll if you, like, truly want to convince him. Can I make a nice face at him? Yeah, he's Billy's soft ass. A nice face. A nice face. A nice face. A nice face. A nice face. Yeah, like, where I can tell he's, like, feeling sorry for me so I'm gonna, like, look real cute. And, like, so that'll be, like, please so, we hope. I guess that'll be a defy danger charisma. Sure. Nine. Nine. Okay.

He, like, looks at Billy who's all torn up and he looks at the weird half man, half elk and all you and he's like, okay, you can stay. The kid and the old lady can stay. You can stay. You can stay inside. You two, you gotta go somewhere else. Can we sleep in the barn? I got animals in the barn. Can we sleep? I'm an animal. I'm a farmer. You are no animal. You're a racist. Is it weird to not like shapeshifting monsters? Yeah, you got all weird when you found out I was an elf.

I don't believe that an elk is an elf. Shh. I use my hold to turn back. He's still like, okay, so you're a shapeshifter. Like, you could be anything. This could just be another form. You could be a gelatinous pile of blood. You could be a, you could be a bat with a man face. Those are really specific examples. What happened to you? You could be a fire, but the fire speaks with your father's voice. You could be anything. You could be a worm that leads many worms to look like a dog.

You could be, you could be a flower, but when you cut the flower, it screams and bleeds. You could be a rock, but inside the rock isn't rocks. It's childhood memories. You could be an old man who meets you at the crossroads at midnight and tells you how you're gonna die. You could be a pack of playing cards, but all of the face cards are people that you loved and lost. This guy's insane. What I'm saying is that I'm a simple man with simple, horrifying beliefs. Yeah.

And I, look, living out here in the wild, we're far enough from any town. High Spear is still a couple days away. You know, I see some stuff out here and I just want some assurance. We can make it worth your while. What? Okay. What do you mean? Oh, yeah. I thought so. You agree. Well, look, life's hard. I'll deal with the devil. I've done it before. I'll do it again. What? Anyways, you were saying… No, hold on. You were saying you could make it worth my while.

Yeah, well, I mean, I got two coins if you let us sleep in a barn. Two coins, huh? Gold coins. No, gold coins are the common currency. You guys decided that a long time ago. And I'm just rubbing them together in a space. Ooh. Do you have change for a diamond? Excuse me? Never mind. So, let me give you… As a frame of reference, a week's unskilled mundane labor is 10 coins. Hmm. So, like, it's like a day… Like, not even a day's wages for somebody like this. You're a bus driver. There's a guy.

Okay, so, I'm gonna, like, go up to this man and I'm gonna introduce myself with some golden root on my hand. Uh-huh. And I'm gonna try to shake his hand. Okay. How do you introduce yourself? I say, hi, I'm Fat Billy and our friends and me would like to stay here. What's your name? Lerm. Oh. That's me. And you say, is your first name Fat? It's just, like, a long story because there's just two Billys and you know when you have, like, two names. Oh, yeah. Anyway. Yeah, okay.

No, I knew a short Lerm. So, roll me a Defy Danger Charisma, basically, to let him get close to you because he's still wigged out. Eight. Eight. You know that in this sort of situation where someone's this worked up, you might have to, like, double dose it, basically. Okay. So, you can use two uses of your golden root to make this work and you're not even sure it'll take effect right away. Okay, I'll do it. You're still gonna do it? Yeah. Okay, so you mash it up in your hand. Mm-hmm.

I like that you use both hands like a president. Yeah. Yeah, it's on both hands. It's like, hello, nice to meet you. Thank you for coming out. Maybe you put your hand on his elbow. Yeah. Yeah. I'm just, hands everywhere. Yeah, totally. You're just, like, rubbing his arm. Yeah. So, he, like, yeah, he reaches down and he's got a confused look on his face and he shakes your hand and he goes, well, it's nice to meet you.

I can show you two, and he points to Billy and Houdir and your cat, I guess, where you're gonna be staying for tonight. Sweet, and we'll just show ourselves to the barn. No, you will stay right there. Let's show you where you're gonna be sleeping, little one. Okay. And then I whisper really loud, we'll be right back. Okay. I can hear, we all heard that. Oh, sorry. Do you want to say it louder to make sure that they heard you clearly? No. Okay, anyways, and he takes you all inside.

Houdir walks in with Lurm and they talk a little bit about, oh, how's farming out in this area? Oh, you know, it's real tough. The okra, it takes a little bit to take root in ground like this, but oh, they just love their okra and high spear. They love it so much. And she says, have you really dealt with the devil? And he changes the subject. And, um, he shows you to like a little sitting area. It's not a big place. It is two floors, which is like pretty nice. Wow. VIP.

Yeah, it is a VIP little shacky cottage kind of thing with two floors. And there's a main area that is sort of a kitchen and sitting area and dining area all in one. And then there's a set of stairs that go up the back wall from one corner to the other that you assume is where people sleep. And he takes you guys to a little section underneath, basically. He's like, we don't got a lot of room here. So I can set out some hay and stuff under this. It'll be warm. It'll be dry.

That's all I can promise. Are there windows where he's taking us? Uh, there are windows in. There's two windows basically on the left and right sides of the room. It's basically one big room on the bottom. Um, and then the stairs go upstairs. Okay, this is fine. And he, he's like, all right, well, if you need anything else and you see his face start to soften a little bit and he's like, when you like, oh, like there's so much stuff and so much room. Like I'm so small. I know.

And my friends are big. I know. And they could stay here too. They're going to be, it gets cold at night. And, and Tuck has back pain. And so he can't sleep. There's back pain? Yeah. So he needs to sleep on something soft. I can't make a man with back pain sleep on the ground. No, you couldn't. What my, what would my father think? He would probably think very I'll of you. Yeah. You're probably right. Okay. And also, you know, we could probably use some foods, like maybe some bacon. Of course.

Maybe some waffle pies. I can't, I can't, I can't promise any waffle pie. I can promise you some fresh waffle cider. Okay. And maybe some, some like waffle tarts. I got a lot of anything that you want made out of waffles. We don't have to name them all. Okay. I'll take anything like that. Sounds good. And some bacon. We'll talk about it. I'm just, just a sec. You guys get comfortable. I'll, or you two get comfortable. I'll go grab your friends. Okay, thank you.

And Lerm comes back outside and he's like, we're already, we're still having a, in the middle of a conversation. And so he's like, hey, oh, and I don't know. It felt like he knew that I had bought him armor and then he intentionally was like, I'm just going to get a fucking toga. Well, I know. Is that crazy? Am I crazy? No, you're not the crazy one. He's been acting weird, but I, I mean, I don't want your feelings to be hurt by him having something, you know, it's outside of Billy.

I feel like if he was wearing this, that whole thing with the assassin, Vine would have gone a lot smoother. Hey, fell. Hey, fellas, I could have, I'm, I'm sorry. I was a little worked up earlier. You got to understand. It's tough out here. You see a lot of weird stuff. A lot of people try and take advantage of farmers like me. Yeah, man, it's a tough world, but you know, I feel bad. It's going to be cold tonight. How about you guys come stay in the house? You're the best.

You might have to sleep on the floor. I can get you some, some, some blankets, but it'll be a lot, it'll be a lot warmer than the barn too. Slow chant. Lerm, Lerm, Lerm, Lerm starts bobbing his head. Lerm, Lerm, Lerm, Oh, you guys, you guys. No, it's not. And I lift him up onto my shoulder. Oh, no, you don't have to do it. No, it's fine. Lerm, Lerm, Lerm, Lerm, Lerm, Lerm, Lerm, Lerm, Thank you so much. Okay, no, we bring him in the house and then everybody joins in.

Lerm, Lerm, Lerm, Lerm, Lerm, Lerm, Lerm, Lerm, Lerm, Lerm, Lerm, Lerm, Lerm, Lerm, Lerm. Yay. So that's the game for this week. This has been Spout Lore. I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara. With me as always have been players, Paul, this old who dear, Abdul, my big friend here, and Jessica, my little fat Billy. And joining us today was Sophie Buttle. I'm 5'11". As the interventional merchant, Vong, which is gonna lead to me having to figure out a lot of stuff.

And thank you so much to Hecklers for letting us record in the Hecklers Island. Upstairs Lounge. Thank you so much to Aaron Reed for our amazing theme music, which you will hear in just a couple minutes. And thank you to our producer, Wes. Are you just saying John Wick a lot? Because you said it once and you're worried I was going to cut out the original. And thanks to you, Spelt Loreans. Yeah. Oh, and you know what?

It's a million episodes in probably, but we literally just started releasing it at this point. Thank you so much to the 20 people that we now know are listening to the show. And my name is Sean O'Hara. See you next week. Bye. And so ends the tale of adventures three who tried the best they can. Though dumb and scared and lost they be for time suppressed in revelry. And though our journey may be like a conclusion, we will not leave you without a resolution.

Return next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores. And for you, I gladly Spout Lore. Yep. So you get one hold, which means just don't do anything. Oh, 11. Oh, 11. Yeah. I do imagine when he gets only one hold, he's like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, you step on an ant, you could turn back into a man. Damn it. Oh, boy. I'm really on the edge with this.

It looks like he's about to come. I'm a man again. John Wick.

All right. Are we set to begin? Yes. Mm-hmm. Okay. Uh-huh. Okay. Gather round, friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes, noble and bold. A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old. You know them by name, you know them by deed. Their quests are famously daring. So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing. Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight. Fingers half-elf, he shifts his shape and wields a spear with great might.

Billy's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart. Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts. So gather round, friends, and listen close, for the tale's about to start.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, Billy had explosive diarrhea.

Billy took a break to take a shit and got attacked by an assassin vine. So scary. Both of those things. Because I forgot Billy had a move that would have stopped him from being surprised. What? His eyes in his butt? Billy's got a move called shoot first, which means he can never be surprised. But he was surprised. I was shooting first, I guess. You took the opportunity to shack up for the night by convincing a simple farmer named Lerm. What was his name again? Lerm. Lerm. Lerm. Lerm.

To let you stay with him. Billy, he was initially not interested in letting anybody but Billy and Houdir stay, but Billy was able to persuade him with the use of golden root to be a cool guy. And that's where we left off. Lerm shows you to areas of the floor, basically, that you can all sleep on, and asks you to join him around the kitchen table, and is sort of just shooting the shit with you guys about, oh, life on the road, that's crazy.

I just farm waffles and chickens and okra and that sort of stuff. And he's asking you all about your lives. He asks Billy, like, you're pretty small. Yeah. You must be young, right? I guess so. Like, how old are you? Like, nine or ten. Nine? Or, I mean, like, I don't really know. That is pretty young to be on the road by yourself, don't you think? And Billy puffs up and he's like, I've been on the road a long time, man. I've seen things. How long have you been on the road?

Oh, you know, like, a few months. Okay. So you just travel with a child? He looks at Ving and Tuck. Yeah. You just travel with this kid? Yes. He doesn't have parents, and we accidentally kidnapped him, so. Kidnapped. But from a community that didn't want him. And also, I thought he was an adult when I picked him up. Well, yeah, that's fair. It's really hard to tell halflings' ages. I only, like, resisted minimally, so it's not really a problem. It's not really a problem.

It's not really a problem. It's not really a big deal. Maybe. What does that mean? Take a second read on that. Okay. Like, at first, I was like, hey, you're holding onto me too tight. No. And then. No. No, hold on. Let's do a third read. And I was like, no, and he wouldn't listen, but then he did eventually, and he put me on the ground. And then I was like, well, I guess this is good enough for me. No, I was sleeping next to my kill, which was a jackalope. A jackalope?

Yeah, I killed a jackalope. A jackalope. A jackalope. A jackalope. A jackalope. A jackalope. A jackalope. A jackalope. A jackalope. A jackalope. A jackalope. Aren't they endangered? Yes. I think I might have killed the last one, because when I was killing it, it said, I'm the last one. Well, okay. Now I got a question. What? Jackalopes don't talk. Yes, they do. They're enchanted. Fossil fots can be. Ah, fuck. Everybody's favorite. Dave Coulier, everyone.

And Billy was working as a conservation officer at the time. No. What is happening? What is happening? What is happening? What is happening? What is happening? What is happening? What is happening? What is happening? What is happening? What is happening? What is happening? What is happening? You know what? You know what? We can't. Endangered kills notwithstanding. Did these men steal you? No. Okay. All right. We stole his heart away. Yeah. Okay. Great. Now I feel better.

Take a second read on that, baby. We stole his heart on away. One more time. Take a third read. He really charmed us. Okay. There we go. There we go. He stole our heart. What if Billy poisoned you guys? Golden root. Hey. Did you? No. Okay. I trust him. I trust him. Implicitly. For some reason. Okay. An unwavering trust. Okay. That's fine. I mean, the forest, the great forest is… You got some… You look like you got a little bit of… Don't look at me, Leram. Okay. All right. I'm just saying.

I'm just saying. We see, you know, all kind of types past my farm. It looks like you got a little bit of… Yeah. I know what kind of types you're thinking about. I don't fit into your types. I don't like types. Where do I lie down? I'm sleepy. Just over… Under the stairs. Sorry. I didn't mean anything by it. I just… It's not… You know, you don't see a lot of people with elf blood around these parts. But I won't… We won't get into it. I'm not… Is it that obvious? I… Well, I mean…

And Fing fluffs his, like, big puffy hair over his ears. It's just something around… Something around the eyes. Now we have to do this all the time. No, that's not… He opens his eyes really wide. No, that's not what I meant. That's not what I meant. And he goes like this and he squints really… No, don't. Don't do that. Oh, my God. I'm just trying to… I'm just trying to make conversation. You know what? I appreciate it. You seem like a nice guy.

But I think there's a little darkness under dwelling. And I don't need to sit here. And I've got a lot of contemplating to go through. I just… I just… I met a giant alligator for the first time. I need to go think about it. So I can maybe turn into it one day. And he gets up slowly, screech. And then goes in the living room in front of the fire. I was really curious about his… I wanted to ask… I should have opened with the shape-shifting stuff. I was really curious about that.

It could turn into whatever. But like… Wow. Like what? How? He just grunts a little bit. Yeah. And it just happens. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sometimes he'll make a weird face. That… Yeah. His face turns into a moose's face. His gills kind of like flutter a little bit. Gills? And Houdir sort of leans in. She's like, yeah, I… He turned his arms into like spiky rocks. It was incredible. It's pretty amazing. These three, I have to say, are pretty incredible. Yeah. Which…

Which one is most incredible? Oh, well, I don't want to pick Faye. You should now. It's Billy. Fuck. It's a child. I'm not going to disappoint a child. Billy, close your ears. Why? Put your hands over your ears for a second. No. Please. Okay. And then I do it. Who's this? Who's… For serious, who's the best one? Talk is the only one in the room. It's… It's… That's right. I'm the only one here. For serious, who's the best one? It's Wicker. Fuck. What? This is a very loyal cat.

I've never seen a cat like that. This isn't a cat that's loyal. Son of a fucking bitch. I heard that. And Wicker's like sitting… She's… She's petting Wicker. Wicker's sitting in her lap like, it's Wicker. Wicker's the best. Wicker, you're such a bitch. This shit. Wait, was Billy listening? Billy put his hands over his ears but was listening? You can always hear what's going through your head. Yeah, that's true. I don't know why we ever do that.

Ving yells from the living room, language, Billy. Sorry. Wait, what word did you say? Bitch. Whoa. Whoa. You asked… I didn't… Yeah, that was on me. Billy, you can't fucking swear all the time. It makes your vocabulary just go to shit. You can't just rely on six cunt slapping words. What the fuck? I thought you were going to say six letter words. Lerm leans in and is like, that's enough. Hey, this is… I'm from a different place. It's called McCall. Okay. That's an opening for you. Well…

I… Were you not going to sleep? You guys are just talking trash. This is… See, this is why… This is the only… I usually like having such a small house. It's cozy. But it's really hard to separate the conversation when somebody that wanted to leave is like 12 feet away from us. If you want to come sit back down, you can. I… Are we going to talk shit about my history? No, I won't say anything about your history. Stands up. Comes back. Are you guys hungry? Are you hungry? Yes.

Yes, please. Just a… I'm sorry. My wife is out. She's coming back soon. But… Oh, yeah. What's your wife's name again? Oh, her name is Orla. Hmm. Yeah. She'll be back. Nice. Pretty name. She's the light of my life. How did you meet her? We actually met in the military. Whoa. You were in the military? I was. Yeah. Yeah. When? For a little bit. Oh, long time ago. Maybe… God, it must have been 16, 17 years ago. Wow. Did you ever fight in a war? I was support. I did logistics.

I worked in the medical tents. Wow. Okay. So not really in the military then. Oh, okay. That's fine. Everybody does their part. That's fine. Yeah. My wife, though, she was the fighter. Oh, yeah? Yeah, I know. She was amazing. What did she do? She was front line infantry. Whoa. Yeah. What was her weapon? Sword and shield. Sword and board. Holy. Just like everybody else. Whoa. That's the heart of the army. Yeah, I like it. Is she single? Talk to him, Goldberg. Is my wife single? Yes. I'll ask.

Okay. Yeah, I'll put in a good word. Next time I'm laying with her, I'll ask her. Hey, honey, somebody wanted to know if you were single. Yeah, and describe me to her, too. I'll check with our kids, too. I'll check with our kids, see if she's said anything about you. Describe me. I will. How will you describe me? I'll say young, dumb, and full of cum. Sorry, I couldn't resist. I know. I like to usually keep a civil tongue if I can. Anyways. Oh, you're right. You guys are hungry. You're hungry.

You're hungry. Yeah, but I actually do want to know what war you fought in. It was a long time ago. A long way away. Still in the principalities. Hey, maybe get a little more specific with the details. Lerm. Could you just give me a second? Somebody that talks so much, you think you know how to tell a story? Okay. Go ahead. What are you going to do about that? You're just going to kill a dad and a husband? Is that what you're going to do? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Basically, there was a pretty highly populated area, and a goblin horde was sweeping through the region, sort of sacking farms and towns and villages, and my wife was a part of a core unit led by a pretty incredible individual. They called her the Spear Maiden. I can't remember. Maggie Cole. I don't remember. That was it. Yeah. Maggie Cole. We met her. That was it. Oh, yeah. We did meet her. She's cool, lady. She was incredible. I mean- She's intense. She's no Orla, but she actually saw.

She saw a bit of hardship during that war. What happened to her? She lost some people. Oh, yeah. Important to her. Like they died? I believe that was what I was implying. Yes. War's a hard- Sorry. I still don't love talking about it, but- Yeah. It's hard. My Orla, she didn't get out of it unscathed. She came out a different person, but a strong one. Yeah. We've seen our share of conflict, too. I believe you. I killed a frog emperor two weeks ago. A frog emperor? Yes. Yes. Yes.

Probably shouldn't tell anybody about that. Yeah. Whoa. Don't tell anybody, Lerm. I couldn't if I wanted to. It's a secret. My lips are sealed. Here. Give me a secret kiss. No. I'm not going to do that. Okay. No, do it with your lips sealed. It's fine. No, no, no. It's not a real kiss. Just come on. Lerm, this is part of my culture. Here's another opening for you. I was going to ask a question. I was going to ask a question until you tried to- you asked me to kiss you.

I don't know why you got to make that. I don't know why you got to make this a thing. Answer a question with a question. Here's a question. Is everyone in McCall this weird? Not my question. I feel like you're intolerant of other cultures. No, I'm just kind of- This is what I'm saying. I'm just feeling- I was being on this now. I'm just feeling kind of intolerant towards you. A lot of people do. All right. No, I'm- that's cool. But so, a frog emperor. Yeah.

I've never really seen anything like a frog emperor before. I mean, during the war, you see some pretty gnarly stuff. But I can't imagine what monsters in McCall must be like. What's the scariest thing that you ever fought in McCall? There was a ridgeback one time. What's a ridgeback? They look like boulders. But then when they wake up, these ridges emanate from their backs, and the whole front is a mouth with reciprocating rows of teeth. It's like a big rock that eats people? Yeah. It's crazy.

So what- how did you- did you kill it? I don't know. I didn't so much kill it as I taunted it. It was a dare to win a woman's heart. You know how that is. Seriously, talk to Orla for me. Okay, here's what happened. I was talking to a girl, and then a guy, his name was Trent. The girl's name was Christine. And Trent came up, pushed me into a puddle. That sucked. And then he called- he said I was a coward. And I said, I'm not a coward, you fucking piece of shit. You're a coward.

And then he was like, prove you're not a coward. And I was like, I'll go fucking fight a Ridgeback tonight. Uh, and I should not have said that, because it was a bad idea. Because I went out to fight the Ridgeback, and the Ridgeback got mad, and I got scared. And the Ridgebacks, when they wake up, they open their mouths, and they release sulfur gas. So that happened, scared me, I ran away. The Ridgebacks are a lot slower. But it followed into town, and it killed Trent. So… Oh. So…

What was your original question? That pretty much covers it. Yeah. I'm pretty glad we don't have Ridgebacks here. Yeah. Does this paint me in a negative light as a character? Absolutely. Definitely, you're a traumatized youth. Hey! It's understandable. Well, it sounds like you all have had a pretty incredible life. Yes. I am pretty happy here, I gotta say.

Just farming my crops, hanging out with my wife and kids, and occasionally, you know, chewing the fat with some fine travelers like yourselves. Thank you. Thank you. Your okra is delicious. Thank you. We worked hard on it. Sometimes a vine gets into the okra, and those things got a mind of their own. Just rip it all up. And you know what? If we're being honest, I think old Gorb, one farm over, might have something to do with it. But that's neither here nor there.

That's just a little bit of farm gossip. What's Gorb growing? Same? Same stuff. Is this all Waffle Country? It's, yeah, the ground, it's just the ground loves Waffle Trees here. They just take like the dickens. That's why they get so big and purple. Well, it's getting kind of late. Orla's gonna be back tomorrow morning. She just headed up the road with the kids. Why? She just wanted to hit the market. Okay. We're gonna be taking our crops up the road in a couple days.

Yeah, so she just wanted to see how things were gonna go. Cool. She might be cheating on you. Ah, okay. All right. All right, pal. I'm just saying, you're a nice guy, but you're a really nice guy. I don't know what it says about me. I have zero fear that that's the fact. Hmm. Oh. Okay, we'll see. Confident. I like that. We've had a good life. When you go through a war together, not a lot breaks that bond. Yeah, it's true. True. And then we all touch. And we all touch.

Yeah, we all, we do a three-way handshake. Okay. I don't know if I was in a war. Every day is a war, Billy. Oh, yeah, okay. Cool. Every day is a winding road. Wow. Yeah. Yeah, it's getting a little late. You guys want to hit the hay? Yeah, we're getting a little. Yeah, we got some hay under the stairs. Sweet, thanks. Yeah. Well, I'll make you breakfast in the morning. Oh, thanks, man. Awesome. I'm just gonna head upstairs. So. Okay. Have a good sleep. Good night. Good night.

I don't know why there's so many vines in here. Yeah, his interior decoration sensibility is fucking wild. Does anyone else get the sense that Orla is a little bit more of a! Yeah, I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. Does anyone else get the sense that Orla doesn't exist and we're entering like a Paul Bates psycho situation? I definitely, my gills are a little up about this guy.

Whodear's holding Wicker in like a baby hold, like she's kind of sitting across the moon. She's like, I think he seems fine. Okay, Whodear seems to trust him. And the cat- Should I go spy on him? I don't see why you would need to do that. Could you check for traps, Billie? Oh, yeah, I could do that. Yeah, also. I'm kind of sleepy, but I could try. I'd like to take a look around and discern realities after Billy does that. Okay. Who deer just like puts Wicker down? I'm going to go sit down. Okay.

Sounds good. Be careful. That's fine. And Wicker sort of follows Billy, staying close while you check for traps. All right. So trap expert. Oh. What? Five. Five. Wow. Even plus your dexterity? Yep. All right. You're walking around and you're like rubbing your hands on the ground. Like, ooh, is there a trap in here? Ooh, is there a trap in here? Anything of these. One of these could be a trap. And you see a little seam in the floor and you think to yourself, oh, I bet this is trapped.

So you take a throwing knife and you start wedging it into the boards and you're like, all right. And you start reefing on it back and forth. And then you just snap the blade off. Oh, wow. So you only have one knife left. That's a really shitty knife. Yeah. That you guys get. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe that says something about the quality of the knives from that marketplace. That interdimensional department store? Yeah. That might have just been a Kmart that broke loose from reality. Fucking pong.

Yeah. So that's what happens there. You lose your knife and you don't find any traps. And you wanted to discern realities? Yeah. I want to figure out what's going on. I'm looking around. I'm going through stuff. You're just running through stuff. I'm fucking leaving through books. All right. I'm going through boxes. Roll discern. I'm opening every box and urn I can find. Tasting what's inside. Tasting it. How many urns are there? There's a lot. Too many urns.

Well, you know, there's urns with like lentils and stuff in it. What am I rolling? What am I rolling? You're rolling discern realities, which is 2d6 plus your wisdom. Nine. Damn. So yeah, you get one question from the list. Then the list is what happened here recently? What is about to happen? What should I be on the lookout for? What here is useful or valuable to me? Who's really in control here? What here is not what it appears to be? What should I be on the lookout for?

That's what I'm thinking when I'm going through all this stuff. I'm like opening jars, tasting lentils, switching them around in my mouth, spitting them back into the jar. Should you be on the lookout for? I all accounts. This is a normal farmhouse, but I guess. Is there bed bugs? Yeah. Yeah. You know what? It isn't the cleanest place. So maybe there's like vermin in here, or maybe some of this stuff is old. Yeah.

I'm picking up some rats or maybe like, yeah, pushing them around in my mouth, spitting about this jar is definitely full of rats. Yeah. Well, yeah. Any of any of the plants or food could be toxic. Yeah. Like I'm picking up. Yeah. Some of the plants, some of the house plants, swishing them around in my mouth. Maybe don't do that. Are you eating just putting stuff in your mouth? Yeah. Sometimes. Okay. Okay. So you're going through a bunch of. Jars on a shelf. Like, all right.

If he's going to be fucking us, it's going to be something in these jars. You open a jar. Like you pull a cork out of a clay jar and there's a bunch of little yellow beads in it. Like it looks like little yellow. Yeah. I'll put those beads in my mouth. All right. Swish them around. Spin them back in. Roll a defy danger constitution. Fuck me. Six, seven, eight. Eight. Are they peanuts? No, they're not peanuts. They are not. Small yellow balls. Are they? I've never seen one before. Yeah.

I don't know what a peanut looks like. Maybe this is a peanut. Is this a peanut? I just heard, you know, you're supposed to watch out for them. Watch out. This is tucked in around. Wait, are these peanuts? Are these peanuts? I can't eat peanuts. I can't eat peanuts. Look at this. Is this a peanut? So you put them in your mouth and they start to burn a little bit. All right. Spit them out for sure. All right. Roll one D four. One. You get a couple of like little, like your tongue hurts a lot.

Like a lot. But you didn't swallow them. So that's good. Hey, guys. My tongue hurts a lot. All right. How long? Billy's watching all this and he's like, I just can't believe he's this dumb. And he's going to go sleep somewhere. Yeah. Wicker. You figure it out. Wicker follows Billy to the pile of hay and. I shoo him away. I'm a little jealous at this moment. Of Wicker? Yeah. Oh. Because who dares? Like, I like him better. And Billy took it personally. Oh, yeah. He's going to go sleep alone.

Wicker goes. And then like looks at you. Does that thing where they sit on their butt and just stare at you and then goes and sleeps with closer to who dear. Oh, no. Wait, come back. I regret this. Yeah. No. The night continues. And I go. Wicker. Wicker, please. Do you want to roll a parlay? No. You can't. You can't. Roll for a parlay. You can't parlay with something you can't communicate with. Sean. We. Communicate. It would be defy danger charisma. It wouldn't be parlay. With 2d6? Sure. Seven.

Oh, seven. Great. So, okay. So, Wicker comes and gets closer to you. Are you sitting down and like letting Wicker? Yeah. I'm kind of loafing. Trying to show him how to sleep. Okay. Like how he likes to loaf. It is a. Wicker is a girl. Whoops. That's fine. But she climbs up on you. And she's like on your leg. And she starts needing. Yay. And stabbing into your legs a little bit with her. So, you can either sleep on. You can let her sleep on you. And not get a very good sleep.

Because she's going to be needing all night. Or you can push her off and get a better sleep. Can I just like maybe put her beside me? Sure. But she's not as close as you'd like. Okay. All right. I did it to myself, I guess. Jesus Christ. Is everybody else going to sleep? No. Do you want to roll for something inconsequential? I will go into a sleep-like state of inconsequential sleep. Cool. I will go into a sleep-like state of inconsequential sleep. Cool.

I'm going to do a contemplation in front of the fire. Oh, right. Yeah. I'm going to try and rest as much. I'm doing okay. This isn't a roll that he has to make. So, the druid has a move called studied essence. When you spend time in contemplation of an animal spirit, you may add its species to those you can assume using shape-shifting. Yeah. So, you're contemplating the spirit of the big-ass crocodiles. And also the vine, the assassin vines. You kind of get one at a time.

I'll choose the crocodiles. Okay. Yeah. You might be a little sleepy in the morning. Yeah, I will. Wait. Oh, because you're only… Do elves sleep? Yeah. Did we talk about that? Okay. Because I'm half human. So, I always sleep half the night. Okay. Yeah. So, right. Yeah. I forgot about that. So, yeah. You will have the evening. It takes a while. He's going like making crocodile things really slowly in front of the fire. And like shadow puppets of crocodiles on the wall flickering.

And just like… Great. So, that's how you spend your night? Yeah. Cool. The entire night. I'm sorry, everybody. It's okay. Billy wakes up a lot and he thinks it's a dream. And what is… Is Tuck going to sleep now? Yeah. I fell asleep a while ago. Son of a bitch. His tongue is hanging out of his mouth. And yeah, Billy, you hear… As you're sleeping, you hear some noises from nearby. And you open your eyes because you think it's just Ving meditating in front of the fire.

And you are back at the top of Lone Tree Hill. What? You're under… Whoa. Whoa. I'm sorry. You're under the tree. Okay. And you feel the person just outside your view again. Okay. I'm going to like turn around a bunch. Do I see him? Every time you look, it's just like just at the side of your eye. Although you do catch a glimpse of like blue fabric. Whoa. And you see more of somebody next to you until there's just a person sitting next to you at the tree. Right next to you.

What does he look like? Of indeterminate age. Like dad age? Indeterminate dad age. Yeah. Yeah. Sort of the like, oh, this person could be 30 or they could be 60. Their features are pretty generic. It's weird to look at this person because they don't have super definable features. Everything's sort of indiscernible except for the robe. The robe that this person is wearing is beautiful.

It's like so many different shades of blue woven into each other and stitched to the point where it looks like it moves. Can I touch it? Yeah, you can touch it. All right. Touch it. Wow. Yeah. And as you touch it, the person sitting next to you says it's very fine fabric, isn't it? Yeah, that's nice. Where did you get it? It was made for me many, many years ago. Can I have one? Well. Am I still naked? No, I've got my toga on. Yeah, you're wearing a toga. Well, actually, it's your dreams.

What is Billy wearing his dreams? I guess it's just his toga. He's not very creative. But he does have like a fun hat on. What kind of fun? What kind of fun hat? Like. It's like a little baseball hat, but it's got the little. A baseball hat? It's got a little flower at the top that spins around. So one. What? So it's a hat. It's a cap. He said he can wear what he wants. I didn't know he would invent baseball and caps. It's not a baseball cap. It's a functional. It's like a hat with a bill. Yeah.

For the sun. Okay, great. Great. With a little flower on top. Yeah. Spectacular. You are watching the fabric. And as you're watching, the patterns are weaving themselves into pictures. A river flowing through a valley. A very fine tower. And that shifts into a man at a table, a large table with a little frog. And then you get another image of the frog growing and growing. And then you get the image of the person surrounded by these creatures. The tower surrounded by people. And then conflict.

And anger and loss and stress and frustration. And then you get the image of this person fading, ceasing to be. Oh. And then you get the image of the creatures scattering. Whoa. What was that? That's what I'm going to ask him that. What was that? It's my story. Oh, okay. It's how my work ended. Okay. And I would like it eventually to tell the story of what work I can do. But I can't do that without your help. Okay. Which is why I keep bringing you here. Okay. So. I have a proposition. Okay.

I have been here for a long time. But if I am to do the work I would like to do, I need somebody to help me. Somebody to work through until I can release myself. Gross. Well, please. Try. You said it. This is so. Frustrating. Frustrating. First time that I've had the opportunity to talk to somebody in a long time. A long time. And it's a child. A child. That's your doing. I know. I know. I know. What I'm saying is. If I'm allowed to do the work that I need to do.

I could bring magic back to this world. Stabilize it. Allow it to flourish in a way that it was meant to. Okay. But what do I get? Power. Hmm. I don't know if Billy's into power very much. I need to be free. I need you to do this for me. Okay. But I don't want to be anything other than. Other than what I've been trying to be lately. Okay. Well, Billy is curious. He's a curious boy. Mm-hmm. So I guess maybe. Okay. Okay. Sure. Wonderful. But what do I get?

Because I don't really want the power thing so much. Like, can I have something else too? That seems like a lot of work. What would you like? I don't know. I like this cloak. I'd like one too. Well, I. Like, this cloak doesn't exist in a traditional sense currently. I'm sure you understand that. Not really. I understand that I see it right now. And I would like one too. That's all it's going to take. Yeah.

I think if you can pull me out of my sleepy time into this lone tree hill, you can probably get me a swanky jacket like this that you're wearing. All right. Nice. And he. And so the world was destroyed. So he reaches behind him and pulls out a small blue fabric embroidered robe. Oh, my God. Beautiful. Here you go. Does it have Billy embroidered on the back of it? Yeah. It's got little pictures of cats and food. Oh, my God. Here you go. Oh, my God. Thank you. So you'll help me. Yeah. Right? Yeah.

Yeah. You'll take the box. Sure. And you'll just dispose of it. Okay. All right. Here you go. Okay. Cool. Thanks. Okay. Can I put that on? I'm trusting you here. Okay. Are you good? Can I trust you? Well, what is. Yes, I am good. Jesus. If you think about it. I guess you gave me this robe. So that's pretty cool. I did give you that robe. Nice. Okay. Our contract is fulfilled. Oh, okay. So you are going to help me now. Sure. I don't really know what that means.

He's just like looking down at his body. No, I don't know. Yeah. So just take the box. Okay. And dispose of it. And forget any of this ever happened. Wait, no. You didn't say that part. That is exactly what I said. No, you didn't. You said. I said you were going. Put it somewhere. Yes, leave it. Yeah. And then that was all you said. That was it. Yeah. Just leave it. And then something happens. And then carry on. Okay. So I'll take the robe for now. Uh-huh.

And then I will talk to my friends about it. Don't know. Oh, see. See, that's the thing is don't talk to your friends about it. Why? You understand wanting to make things better, wanting to make a better life for yourself. I want to make a better life for everyone. If your friends agree, if they believe in that, then I would love the extra help. Just deal with the box. Can I just say we'll see? I'll talk to my friends about it and then maybe we'll see about the box. All right.

Well, maybe we'll see about the robe. Hmm? This is an agreement, kid. You get what you want. I get what I want. Okay. So I'll see you later then. Yeah. Okay, cool. You'll see me later. Cool. Thanks. What's your name? It's Perel. We've had this for… Yeah. Sorry. I wasn't feeling very good last time. I understand. Okay. This is a lot for both of us. Yeah, I guess so. All right. Well, I'll see you soon, Billy. Okay. All right. Bye. Bye. And he just disappears. Okay.

Does Billy wake up in real life? Yeah. Does Billy wake up? Does Billy wake up? Does Billy wake up? Does Billy wake up in real life? Sweet. Am I wearing the robe? You are not. What? Wow. Billy is heartbroken. Thanks for listening to Spout Lore, everybody. I've been your game master, Sean O'Hara. With me, as always, are players Paul, Abdul. I got drunk in an airport one time, and then they kicked me out of the Wild Wings when I shit my pants. And Jessica. It's not a baseball cap.

Thanks to Wes Lord, our technical producer. Thanks to Aaron Magoo at Heckler's Bar and Grill for letting us record in the Heckler's Upstairs Lounge. And thanks to Aaron Reed for the amazing intro and outro music that he has provided. Thanks for listening to Spout Lore, everybody. We'll see you next week. And so ends the tale of Adventures Three, who tried the best they can. Though dumb and scared and lost they be. For times abreast in revelry. And though our journey may be like a conclusion.

We will not leave you without a resolution. Return next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores. And for you. I'm gladly Spout Lore. Spout Lore.

Hi everybody and welcome to Spout Lore. I'm your Game Master, Sean O'Hara. With me as always, players Paul, Abdul, and Jessica. Hi! Spout Lore Spout Lore What does that look like? He has a staff. I know it's broken, so he's repaired it many times. And he repairs it with sap and resin from trees. Cool. And then binds it with leathers, so it's all full of resin. And there's a groove that goes down it and he runs his fingers, like a rosemary, he runs his fingers down that groove.

And dips his toes in the memory pools of that animal's spirit. In the spirit realm, it's thick with water. Yeah. Yeah. He's calling to the spirit of the crocodile? Yeah, he goes into the spirit world where they are all dwelling. And he has to think about the dead version of it. So he goes to where the dead ones are. Oh, okay. There's a place where dead spirits are? Everything exists as they are, so there's the dead ones. Like, the real versions of them. Yeah. Rather than just the shadows.

His gills are very active in the spirit realm. Because that's how he survives. That's how he moves. By passing over, yeah. Yeah. And he finds them and he sits with them. And it's a contemplative time that he spends with the spirit of the crocodile. Do they speak? Do they talk to each other? Nope. They just sit? No, it's very silent. Wow. They be. I'm imagining Ving just on the other side, sitting cross-legged like he's sitting in front of the fire.

And this massive crocodile is swimming sort of in the air around him. Yeah, just circling. Yep. And that's, you just spend the whole night like that. Which I imagine in the spirit realm feels like a lot longer. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's timeless. Ooh. Yeah. So you come to the next morning. Has it been forever already? Oh, man. It's already been forever. Whoops. God, I'm going to be late. But you come to the next morning, passing back over to the material realm.

And you feel within you this connection to the crocodile spirit, which we've talked about that, right? How like the connections to these spirits on the other side are what let you turn into them. They come to trust me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Not dishonoring their memory. Awesome. So yeah, you now just keep in mind, it's not Frozen North. It's not the Great Forest, but you can turn into a giant crocodile now.

Awesome. Hey, guys. Check it. In the middle of Lurm's house, you become… Jesus. Like a 15… Just wrecking tables. Oh, no. All the peanuts. Oh, my gosh. No. I can't imagine that that would be something Bing would do. Okay. Oh, no. He runs outside into the yard. Hey, guys. Check this out. Out in the yard on the other side of the window. Everyone's crowded around the window. I mean, I don't want to be that guy, but you do have to roll the sheets. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

Look what I learned last night while you suckers were sleeping. Eight plus ten. Yeah, you get three hold. Boom. And then he jumps and tries to do a flip. And you see Lurm out the top window like, ah! What the… We've really fucked up this guy's life. Yeah. He runs downstairs, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, and bursts out the front door with like a rake. Whoa, whoa, whoa. It's like, what the… What is this?

I take the rake and I go over and I start pulling all the ripe waffles off the tree, just the ripe ones and like harvesting for him. Like, ah, showing him that it's okay. Jesus Christ. So after some time, he relaxes and you guys are outside as well? Yeah, I guess we walked outside. Yeah. So are you… You guys leaving? You leaving now? I guess so. Is all of our HP back to zero? Let me just… I think it's half your HP. Half your HP plus seven? No, half your HP maximum, I believe, is how you…

When you rest and consume a ration. Like, if you're at five, do you go back up to half HP? When you wake from at least a few uninterrupted hours of sleep, heal damage equal to half your maximum hit points. Twelve. So it's full. I'm back to full. If I'm an odd number, can I round up… No, no, like you're… Oh, I think you do round up, actually. Yes. And Lerm is standing around like, I'm, you know, sorry. I don't have more for you.

You know, you had a good opportunity to rest and take a load off for a night and I wish you well on your travels. Yeah, we appreciate it, man. Yeah. Yes, thank you. And can I kiss his hand? He lets it happen. Okay. Thank you. Yeah. You're welcome. And I pet it a little. Yeah, thank you. And also, give me that trust kiss, baby. It's not… You know, it's not going to happen. No. Okay. It's been nice to meet you, though. All right. Ving puckers up as a crocodile. Oh, you're still a crocodile?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I'd maybe turn back into a person before you hit the road. You know what, Lerm? I never trusted you for coming here, but we really did our research and you seem like a square guy. Slowly, I extend a hand and turn it back into my actual hand. And as you shake it, do you shake it? Yeah. I shake it and I turn the rest back into Ving. Great. Great. This has been fun. Cool. Shake my hand, too, before we leave. Okay, here you go. Thank you. Thank you. Oh, you're strong. Yeah.

Do you want to see a feat of strength? No, I don't. I can do something. Like what? No, there's no… I don't know. Save your strength for the road. Okay. And then I lean down and kiss him. You got to keep a secret now. Okay. Well, it's been fun. Yeah. I kiss him on the head, the forehead. He shakes Houdir's hand, says you were a wonderful guest. I hope you all take it easy. Can I hold him? Hold up a huge waffle. Uh-huh. Can I have this?

Well, you ask if you can hold it up and then if you can have it. And he just looks at you. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. One waffle won't hurt anybody. Cool. Okay. We just stand there and he doesn't do anything so he slowly turns around and starts going back inside. Yeah, he just walks back into his house. Can we chant Lerm as he's going back inside and we're not moving? Yes. Please. Lerm. Lerm. Lerm. Lerm. Lerm. Lerm. Lerm. Lerm. Lerm. Lerm. Lerm. Lerm. Lerm. Lerm. Lerm. Lerm. Lerm. Lerm. Lerm. Lerm. Lerm.

Lerm. Lerm. Lerm. Lerm. Lerm. Lerm. Lerm. Lerm. Lerm. Lerm. Lerm. We turn and skip down the road. Lerm. Lerm. Lerm. Lerm. Lerm. Lerm. Who dear slowly walks after you. All right. And you guys hit the road. Back onto the main road. There's still the farmland rolling and there's the river going into the trees where Billy was attacked by the assassin vine and the trees spread out up this hilly region like away from the farm area. Who dear? Says we're close, I think.

We're close to where we need to turn into the woods. It is going to be a bit of a trek into the forest. Okay. Are you all just walking? Like you're just tramping along? A little bit. Billy, do you want to take turns resting in my beard? Maybe. Okay. All right. And Wicker is sitting on Who dear's shoulders like a boa, like a feather boa. And you get to a point. Can I? Wait. Can I? While we're walking, can I just. Can I just like pop granola into my beard for Billy? Yeah. Okay.

Where'd you get this? I stole it from Lerm. Oh, man. Yeah. It's really good. Yeah. Flash. Took all of it. Yeah. Flashback to him rolling. Flashback to Lerm like trying to make breakfast. What the fuck? Those sons of bitches stole my granola. God damn it. It's the last time I let travelers into my home. That's a, there's a, there's an IOU in the, in the jar. I owe you one jar of granola. XOXO. Tuck. And then I, I say, don't forget to keep a secret.

And then I drew a crude picture of myself winking. And Lerm throws it into the fire. He's angry. Now you've angered Lerm. When you get to a certain spot, Wicker perks up from where she was sitting on Who Deer's shoulders and starts meowing. Wicker, what do you see? What's going on? Oh, right. She's like, we're close. We're near. She says we're close. And she hops down off Who Deer's shoulders, right? Yeah. Yeah. And she runs to the forest edge and she right into the bush.

You can't see her anymore. You hear some rustling and you hear meow, meow, meow. Can I go after? Yeah, sure. And you find her sniffing at the base of a tree. And she is smelling a clump of those orange flowers that she was following through the swamp. Oh, yeah. Oh, can I sniff too? Yeah. It smells pretty nice. Smells like a flower. It's nice. Pet wicker. What was this cat looking for this whole time again? Anybody remember when you were when she was leading you out of the swamp?

She was following these orange flowers. But what? I want to gather some. But why did we have like, what were we? She was leading you to the vault, apparently. Oh, yeah. Are we close to a vault now? Wicker? Are we close to the vault? She sounds confused. I haven't smelled them in so long. So we seem like she and she's kind of looking around in a way that makes it seem like she's casting about for some sort of landmark. And she says, I don't think we're near to home.

Something's not right, but we're here. Okay. Like, I want to discern realities, but I wonder if that has anything to do with what Perel was saying to me. Oh, yeah. And you still haven't told anybody about Perel, have you? Can I? Can I talk to Ving? Yeah, absolutely. Oh, are you still in my view? No, I'm on the ground. So I'm going to go up to Ving. I'm going to like ask to be picked up. You do one of these. Yeah. When you reach up and. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Close your fist.

And I'm like, Ving, I have something to tell you, but I don't know if I should tell you. You're getting heavier, bud. Yeah. Shut up. Tuck fed me a bunch of granola this morning. Anyway, it doesn't matter. I had a dream last night and there was like a guy in it and he wanted me to do something. What kind of guy? Like, he had a nice robe anyway, and he was going to give me one. He said he was going to give me one if I did this thing for him. And obviously, I'm not wearing it. So he lied to me.

What did he want you to do, Billy? He wanted me to dispose of box of the box that we have. Did he look like anything? Can you describe him? Billy like tries to remember and he's like, oh, he had like a face and. I don't know if I can describe him. It's like looking at a star. You have to look beside it to see it. Oh. Just don't think of his face. Okay. Think of what you thought his face might look like. Okay. Is there anything?

So Billy closes his eyes and he thinks of the robe and he gets like kind of mad about it. But then he starts seeing the guy again a little bit. Sort of the corner of his eye, like in the side of his vision. And he's like, okay, he has like darker skin kind of. And I don't know how old he is. And he has a straight nose. I don't know. What do you think? What was your feeling of him? He wanted you to get rid of his box. This is what we're doing. How emphatic was he? He was.

He really wanted me to do it. But he. Didn't really want me to tell anyone. Well, I'm glad you told me. Okay. Instead of just get rid of the box. Okay. What do you think we should do? I don't know. But I'm kind of upset about it. Should we tell Tuck? I think we should. Okay. Tuck. Yeah. I have the. He's just doing crunches nearby. What up? No, I have a mouth full of grunt all the time. Yes. Billy had a dream in which somebody visited him and tried to get him to get rid of the box.

Who dear steps in for a sec. Hey, are we talking about something important? Maybe. Sure. Yeah. You could be involved in this. Oh, that would be great. Thank you. Okay. I'm late. Whatever. Continue. Sorry, Billy. What's going on? Tell him, Billy. Okay. So I had a dream last night and I've had before. So this is the second dream. And it was this guy who visited me and he had a really fancy coat or robe on. And he told me he wanted me to get rid of the box. And he said he'd give me a robe.

And he didn't. But he said he would. He said something about magic that I would come back. Or something like that. Wait, was he a wizard? I don't know. Billy, when was the first time you had this dream? Like after the crocodile fight? When you went nuts? Did I? I guess so. I don't really remember that part. You went nuts. Oh, what the fuck is going on? This might be, this could be a manifestation of the negative influence I feel in Billy. Also, my back is up a bit.

I'm getting mad because I don't know. Because my friend is in danger. This could be a manifestation of the negative influence. I felt in Billy. This could be whatever is contained in this box. Is it possible to contain a wizard in a box? Yeah, doy. That seems unusual. But then again, no one has really experienced anything like this in quite some time. Did they say that they were a wizard? Yes. Okay, well, I mean, could be lying. This could be a dream. Will the pool of cool water do anything?

That's my hope. My hope is that we'll be able to use. This place to expunge Billy of this negative influence. Should we dip the box in the water too, for good measure? I mean, it couldn't hurt. Yeah. Here, let me, let me take a look at the box. And I. It's on your back. You have it at all times. Just turning around in circles. Yeah. I'm like, I'm going to look at it. I'm doing a thing where a dog chases its tail. I'm like, let me hold on. And I'm, I'm, I'm trying to like. No, no, I go.

I'll get it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. And I'm like, my muscles are too big. So I can't reach the part of my back. Yeah. I'm like. Like real life. You can't reach most of your back. Hold on. I got this. I got it. Is that one of those tiny little workout backpacks that has strings? Can somebody just help him? Can somebody just help him, please? I'll get the box. Here's the box. Here, here, here, here. And then I, I don't remember what I was going to do.

You said you were going to look at it. Okay. Yeah. I'm sorry. That was a really big act out for me. It was. So what do you want to do with this box? I just. I just like. I take it and I like shake it. And I'm like, are you a fucking wizard in there? You piece of shit. Are you a piece of shit wizard getting in my friend's head? And then I like. Well, okay now. I listen. You hear nothing. And then I shake it again. Is anything rattling? No. You fucking piece of shit. Get out. Come out.

Come out here. Get out of here, you fucking piece of shit. Asshole. This might be like a man. So I don't think that yelling at it is going to achieve anything. Oh, won't it? We'll see about that. I don't. I don't think. Oh, you fucking piece of shit. Tuck, I really want that robe. Don't do that. You give my friend his robe. You give my friend his robe. Wicker, where do we go? Wicker looks into the forest and says, this way. We go in the forest. We follow the cat. All right.

Let's get to this water. So what we are going to do now, because this is a thick forest. There's no roads in here that you can see. But you are all going to roll a make a perilous journey move. Is it these? Yeah. So, okay. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on now. Yeah. So there's things that we need to decide. So everybody's just like, okay, I'm going. Billy's a trailblazer. You choose one. Okay. Billy's the trailblazer. Okay. Yeah. Somebody has to be the scout. Somebody has to be the quartermaster.

I guess I'll be. What do you want to be? I could scout up as a falcon or something. Okay. Yeah. It is a wisdom role. Yeah. So yeah. Think about that. I have zero wisdom. I have 16 wisdom. Okay. Read the other number. Two. Okay. Okay. So yeah. So once you've decided your roles, everybody roll 2d6 plus your wisdom. Eight. Three. Six. What was yours? Quartermaster. Quartermaster. And wait, what was yours? The scout. And what was your role? Six. Okay. So two failures. And what was yours, Billy?

Eight. You're walking right alongside Wicker. Yeah. There's no problems with finding a path. Every hundred feet, 150 feet, basically, Wicker is finding another clump of flowers. Okay. And so she is following a path and Billy is keeping an eye on Wicker because, you know, it's pretty thick, the underbrush. So Billy is able to see where Wicker is better. So you're following Wicker. So that's not a problem. As you're traveling, you've been traveling and getting a little peckish.

Maybe Billy is feeling a little hungry. Yeah. I did eat that waffle pretty quickly. Yeah. Yeah. So, Tuck, you have been. Holding on to all the rations as the quartermaster for this trip. Yeah. And you reach in to get some rations and you put your hand right into just like a mushy, gross, slimy pile of stuff. What the fuck? What the hell is this? It was rations. And you pull all the rations out. They're all rotted. No. When you check them this morning, they were absolutely fine.

You were eating them on the way here. Yeah. All of the food in your bag is rotted. Guys, something is. Wrong with this place. Look at this. They show them the destroyed rations. Oh my God. Billy cries. This was all fine this morning. What is happening? Have you ever seen this before? This is. And she's going through her bag and she had like some jerky, some like dried fish. And that's mush. It's covered in mold. It's just disgusting. She throws it on the ground like this was.

I smoked this myself. You smoked. I smoked fish. That's how you preserve fish. You smoke it. Okay. I preserve my mind every night. And I mime a joint. Hilarious. But what I'm saying is we don't have, we don't have food now. I can forage. I can be sustained by the forest, but I'm sorry. I can only do it for myself. We ate this morning. Lerm was kind enough to feed us. So we don't need any food. But we should be keeping an eye out for. For food on the way. Okay. Okay. I found some reindeer moss.

It's edible. For us? Yeah. You're not going to like it. But so you are continuing along the trail after that and you're gathering moss and the reindeer moss. Is that what you said it was? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's sort of, it's that kind of forest. It's like piney. Yeah. Some Matsutake mushrooms. And it's getting pretty rugged. You push through the forest and you finally get to like the river. The river that you were following. Earlier. What? Who deer called the Bull Rush River.

It's getting a little bit easier if you're walking along the riverside and wicker is following flowers. And then next step and you're waist deep in snow. Whoa. What? What the fuck? So am I under all the snow then? You were a little bit closer to the water side. So it's not too bad, but you're like pretty deep in snow. If he goes under all the snow, I can just like scoop. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, it's and it's just blowing. There's snow in your face.

Everywhere you look, the river is frozen over. The trees are covered in snow. It's just howling winds. Howling winds. What do you guys do? Is I talk to you? Is this normal? She says, I'm going to guess not. Okay. She's like screaming over the wind and she's struggling through the snow. I want to turn into a polar bear and welcome people underneath him. And I can at least block them from the. Yeah. Well, you can totally turn into a polar bear. So yeah, go for it. Nine. Eleven. Shit. Eleven.

So you get three hold. Cool. And you turn into a gigantic polar bear. With gills. Yeah. With gills. Is it snow all around us? All around. Everywhere you look, there's snow. Everywhere. Where is the river? The river is next to you. Okay. It's frozen, but it's broken in places. So you can see. Can I Spout Lore about this? What does this move for again? Spout Lore is calling on knowledge that you have previously gathered. Okay.

So this doesn't seem like something Tuck would necessarily have knowledge of. I've listened to a lot of metal albums. This doesn't seem like something Tuck would. I can't think of a situation. In which you would have learned about this. Where the weather changes all of a sudden. Okay. Well. Maybe there's a metal song about it. This is something. You've talked to a lot of people. So yeah. Give me a 2d6 plus your intelligence. Ten. Ten. All right.

So you have heard that the way that the unstable magic works. Some places exist in multiple states at once. I heard a metal album once. That was. It was called the river ways. Are all things at once. Like it was about these things called the river wars. That like there was crazy high levels of magic involved in them. And they fucked up like space and time. And they made it so that all along this one river network. The everything existed all the time. I don't know how to explain it. I need.

How's the song go? I need like a bassist and drummer to really get. Get it across. But basically there are places in the world and this river network was one of them. Where there was such intense magical energy that it shifts rapidly. It's unstable and it can shift between seasons or states like the geography can change. It's crazy. I didn't think it was real. So the thing that's useful that you knew with a 10 plus is that these areas are usually localized. Yeah. It's.

If we push through I think we can get on the other side of this and get back to where it's normal. Okay. All right. So how are you guys doing this? Well I'll cling on to things but or something like that. Hang underneath. Yeah. Oh yeah. You're a polar bear. Right. Yeah. You could probably just spend a hold because pushing through snow is something that polar bears do. Definitely all the time. Great. Okay. So while there's Tuck there's Billy and there's Houdier.

So you'd probably have to spend all your hold to do it. Okay. But once you dragged all of these people through the snow you could probably just get through the other side. So if you want to spend all three and have to if anything else comes up have to shape shift again and potentially screw it up you can. Or if any of you think that like Houdier is kind of on her own not on her own but she's like an old she's a pretty old woman. She's not a hardened traveler like you. Well.

So she would need help for sure. Okay. So I'll help her not tuck because he's he already said that he's pretty good. So he can. So you can. Do you think you can push through on your own. I have. I have OK constitution. I can probably get through without taking too much damage. Okay. Maybe I ask him if he's gonna be warm enough he holds up his leather wristbands I'll be fine. What's that. What's Billy doing. I was clinging on to his underside belly. But if Tuck is cold I could try to warm him up.

How. Just like laying on his shoulder. So you're going to hang out with. Pick an arm. And I'll keep it warm. OK. Well do you want to get in my beard so you don't get cold. No I'm fine. I have a lot of layers. Do you. Yeah. Are you just wearing a top. Flesh layers I believe. Oh OK. Fair enough. Yes. So that could be. So you could spend one hold basically to help who dear. And she's clinging on to your fur desperately. As you push through the snow. I'm just muscling through.

Like just taking what comes. Yeah. I'm taking. I'm like I'm shivering pretty violently. Violently. You. Um. Can roll your. Yeah. Six plus seven eight. Constitution. OK. So. So what does happen. Is you're just. Pushing through behind in like the wake. That thing is making with his polar bear form. And the wind is hammering you. And there's like ice coming down from the trees. That's. Smashing against your skin. The wind picks up really hard. And Billy is swept off your shoulder. Oh no.

Hits the snow and is just under. Gone. Fuck. You're going to take a bit of damage. OK. D six. It's pretty bad out here. Three. Three. So you take three damage. And you are just buried. I can't see anything. I go back and I scoop them up. Yeah. It's this. It's basically snowing so bad that it's already covered where he hit. So you're going to have to dig around in here. So two D six plus wisdom. Yeah. So he flies off. And I'm like. Yeah. Exactly. And I start running back.

But I can't see anything. Six plus two is. Eight plus wisdom is zero. You see a slight depression in the snow. OK. It hasn't totally had time to cover up. I start digging. You feel a hard little ball under the snow. Yeah. And I lift him up in both hands. I'm spitting snow out of my mouth. Are you OK? Yeah. I'm fine. I guess. Actually, I could just swallow it. I guess. Just water. Yeah. It's good for you. OK. And then I just stuff him into my beer. OK. All right. Sorry. And thank you.

And then you are really struggling against the snow. But your polar bear form is helping you. And just when you think I'm never going to be able to get everybody out. You just hit dirt. The river is babbling beside you. The trees are thick to one side and in front of you. Guys, it's back to dirt. Get up here. You don't see him. Where's everybody? Billy. Tacoma. Can we hear him? No, you can't. You just hear the howling wind. OK. Can we keep pushing forward? Yeah, absolutely. OK.

Give me another defy danger constitution to slam through. Hold on, Billy. Should I aid? Four, five, six, seven. You're pushing through this snowbank and a pine tree ahead of you. A branch overhanging this side of the river cracks under the weight. Just crack, crack, crack. And then comes swinging down. And it's coming right down. And Billy is in the way. And you throw your arm up over your side and over Billy. And it hits you. And the splinters in the tree cut and stab into you.

And the ice is stinging. And you feel blood start to pour down one side of your arm before it starts to freeze very quickly. OK, cool. Yeah, you take six damage. All right, I took six damage. Yeah, and you power right through it. I guess I react to that? Yeah. Oh, fuck. Oh, God. Oh, what happened? Nothing. I'm fine. OK, I'm just going to rub his chin. I am crying. Yeah, keep making that noise. Oh, my God. And then you're charging back into where you hope the edge. Billy Tacoma.

Yeah, and Billy and Tacoma pop into existence right in front of you. Fuck. Oh, my God. You look ridiculous. Yeah. He's bleeding. Get off the ground. He's covered in ice and snow, and his arm is bleeding. I was attacked by a million ice beasts. Oh, my God. A million. You poor baby. Come here. I was attacked by a huge monster. He's scooping him up and putting him against his big bear chest. There, there. I think it might have hit his head, but it was just a tree branch. No, it was a giant monster.

No, I'm pretty sure Billy doesn't get it. No, Billy, it was a monster. There was a… It was 200 feet tall. Oh. Oh. And… It looked way smaller. It was using a lot of racial slurs. Oh, you poor baby. It sounds horrible. And I took a moral stand against him. You're so strong. I know. As he's petting his head, he's slowly turning back into Ving. Okay. And Houdir's sitting on the ground and just says, that was awful. Yeah, I know. I fought a monster.

I have never in my 65 years seen anything like that. Oh. This was a bad idea. What? You brought us here. Yeah, I know that. And I don't know if I can… No, no, no, no. I don't know if I can keep doing this. You gotta… We're so close. We just lost… We almost lost Wicker, too. Well, we didn't. Look, Wicker's fine. Wicker is looking a little shaken, but yeah, she's all right. This was… I guess… I guess… I guess… Here, have some reindeer moss. She takes some moss, puts it in her mouth.

This is awful as well. I don't like any of this anymore. Well, we gotta finish it, I guess. And she looks at Billy and is sort of softening around the face, like, you're right. She reaches out and rubs Billy's cheek. Okay, I also rub her cheek. We'll get you through this. Okay. Thanks for listening, everybody. This has been Spout Lore. I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara. With me, player is Paul. And he runs his fingers. Like a rosemary. Abdul. Sorry. That was a really big act out for me.

And Jessica. No, I'm fine. I have a lot of layers. With our technical producer, Westlord. Thanks to Aaron Magoo at Heckler's for letting us record in the upstairs. The Heckler's upstairs lounge, where we've recorded this entire time, is very gracious of him. We are grateful for his graciousness. Thanks to Aaron Reed for his amazing intro and outro music. And we have been playing Dungeon.

World, a game by Adam Coble and Sage LaTorah, which is a hack of a game called Apocalypse World by Devenson Baker, which you can find online for purchase and for research. And it's great. And you should check it out. Thanks for listening, everybody. We'll see you next week. And so ends the tale of Adventures 3, who tried the best they can. Though dumb and scared and lost they be, for time's abreast in revelry.

And though our journey may be like a conclusion, we will not leave you without a resolution. Return next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores. And for you, I'd gladly expound more. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Wicker is leading the way again with the flowers and she crosses over a ford in the river before long you see the sun start to peek through the trees above you and uh it's getting a little hot you know there's dead grass here and there's bright flowers and it smells like honey and it's it's nice and warm and you follow wicker along a bend in the river where the river turns into a waterfall but the water is going bottom to top whoa cool it climbs up this cliff face and it looks like the the rocks on either side are fairly sheer and uh there's thick forest on either side you could go around probably it would take a while I um I want to take a rock and throw it into the up up waterfall yeah the water yeah the up waterfall yeah so you throw it and uh it you see it flow upwards okay oh okay well yeah I'm gonna jump into that up waterfall tuck yeah so you jump in uh give me a defy danger strength 12 12 son of a bitch so he's like surfing so you uh I grab a flat board I put it underneath me I'm like I'm inventing a new sport you're not gonna marty mcfly this you knew that new sport you've been looking for well listen to this look listen with your eyes okay so you hit the water and you're you're kind of swimming you're treading water and you feel the water pulling you up but gravity outside of the water still very much acts like it's supposed to so you're being pulled down outside of the water okay and it's only when you fully submerge yourself are you able to swim upwards and you're powerful lungs and your powerful arms and legs you're able to push yourself like you swim up this waterfall keep describing your powerful thighs your fabulous glutes uh but you yeah you kick under the water you quickly realize you have to be fully submerged and you kick yourself up this waterfall and you come out the top okay and you guys see tacoma swim up a waterfall whoa wow yeah amazing yeah hudir is still like this is the worst I hate it here how am I gonna you guys are well and how am I supposed to do this can I turn into a giant seahorse and put you in my pouch you cannot turn into a seahorse pouch what the fuck are you talking about I'm in vagina um no you can't turn into a giant seahorse I uh I look over the edge of the cliff and I'm like guys it's super easy just use your glutes okay billy's gonna use his glutes and he's gonna do the same thing billy just jumps in yeah defy danger strength five five okay no it's fine mark a point of experience okay so you are being dragged up this current okay and um yeah you're really being like you jump in you're like yeah this is awesome I'm being pulled up a waterfall and then it gets pretty fast and you're kicking your little arms and legs and you're trying to keep up oh god but it's really taking you it's the current has you um um um um you're standing at the top like oh hey look he's doing it wow he's really he's really hauling ass oh uh-oh and then you see billy hit the top of the waterfall like bang you like shoot out of the water holy fuck and then hit the river and start rushing down the river uh I give chase okay I see him fly in the air and jump into the river yeah and then I guess I turn back to everyone before I start running and I go uh it went about as bad as you think it could possibly go and yeah so you see and you just turn around and you bolt yeah you see billy shoot up out of the waterfall and you see tuck go it's bad and then turn and run okay I'll uh I'll jump in the waterfall as the crocodile who deer's like wait what okay if I successfully turn in crocodile can I eat her gently okay okay okay roll 2d6 eat her gently is the name of a metal album I really like eating her gently with his jaws 13 uh fuck me all right so you get three you get three so I just like num num num you don't have to eat her gently okay you can carry her up the waterfall okay she's fine with it she's into it she loves it okay so I spend my hold one of my holds taking who deer up the waterfall and I gently put her close to ground and also shoot up in the air really far well no you can't do both of those things how are you gonna do that you're gonna gently leave her where on the edge of the one that's falling and you're all as I go up I she rides with me and then as I I see okay here's the top I put her out and then I keep going up can you give a good push yeah big flick tail it's not as gentle as you'd like because you're trying to maintain speed she hits the dirt pretty hard and he's like okay Is she okay?

She's just like, ow! I hate this! And she hits the dirt, and you keep going, and you, yeah, Tuck, you're running. Yeah. You see a big-ass crocodile start rocketing down the river. I go to jump on his back. Yeah! Cool, cool. We're gonna do this like a Capri Sun commercial. Gravity works here for us. So Tuck turns into a silvery slime. And starts rocking to, like, he's racing down the river to a cool, like, early 2000s rock-pop-punk song. It's very inspirational.

Everybody wants to get outside and be active. Cruising down the street last week. Yeah, exactly. So you hit the wall. You steal my sunshine. I'm sorry. That's fine. That works for me. That was great. It's more of a Sonny D song. Yeah. I know. It's pretty funny. What a trivial distinction. It's more of a Sonny D song. So, wait. Okay. So, Billy, what's Billy… Billy's trying to swim against the current. Like, back to them. Yeah. Give me another Defy Danger strength. Okay. Wow. Four. Okay. Sorry.

It's okay. You just hit some rocks underwater. Roll a d6. Three. You take three damage as you just, like, bang against some rocks. Poor Billy. So Billy is underwater for a second. And then he comes up, like… Ugh! Give me… What are you doing? What are you guys doing? He's surfing on my back and we're at Billy. Do I have to roll to get onto his back? It's not a huge river. There's not a huge risk of you ruining anything. Okay. Cool. So that's fine. And you guys are racing along.

And you see Billy bobbing like a cork. Yeah. I go and put my snout underneath him and flick him up to tuck. Okay. You can spend a hold to do that for sure. Yep. Defy Danger. Maybe… Catch. Dexterity to catch him. Catch. Twelve. Yep. Boom. Like a little football. Nice. Perfect spin. Thanks, you guys. Yeah. Very casual. Yeah. Again, you're swallowing. You're coughing up water. So much water. Oh, man. I hold him up to my face. I'm like, what's all the damage that you've suffered?

Oh, and then I just have a little barf. Wow. All the water. Sorry. There's a lot of granola in there. Yeah. There's a lot. That's disgusting. I'm sorry. So you guys… So you get out of the water and Houdier hobbles up. She's like, this is awful. So bad. Where's Wicker? Anybody seen Wicker? Oh, Wicker. And you see Wicker like paddling down the river. Soaking. Very like furious. Like… Get her. Should someone get her? Yeah. Get in there. I'll go get her. Okay. So she climbs up on your snout.

She's weirdly not creeped out by your shape shifting, you've noticed. She's totally chill with it. So she knows that it's you and she hops up and yeah. She's like… Shaking. Trying to get dry. I snort some air on her to help her dry off. She kind of likes that. Yeah. Yeah. And she's licking herself for a while before you get going. And Houdier looks at the sun and says, well, it's not like who knows, but we haven't really lost that much time.

The last couple hours has been pretty bad, but we're still kind of on schedule, I think. Great. Yeah. Let's… Is everybody feeling okay? Yeah. This is Wicker. Yeah. Which way? Does Wicker? Does Wicker want to go? Anybody need some reindeer moss? I don't… My tummy's feeling a little weird. Reindeer moss? Reindeer moss? Okay. Thank you. Nobody wants this. She… I go foraging for like hours. Sorry. That's fine. I don't even care. And Wicker continues on the path that only she can see.

But Billy is following along and 20 minutes later, you find a… You guys ever been to like… No. It's not… It's not going to mean anything to anybody. I still want the question. Well, I mean, like, have you guys ever been to like the, you know, like the Goldstream River, like campground? There's that eddy. There's that pool, the rivers. And there's like, it kind of comes down a little bit, this little waterfall and the rocks all keep the water really still.

The river that you're following falls down a little rock, well, floats down into this water in this big pool that's maybe 30, 40 feet across. It's very still. And you see tributaries of a river. And you see tributaries of a river running up rocks around trees, all coming to a confluence in this big pool. Cool. Wow. This is crazy. There's a rock face that goes up one side, like a jutting rock that goes up 60, 70 feet. Very large cliff face, but it's not… There's no water there.

And it's sort of a wall abutting one side of this pool. And your deer says, this is it. What do we do? Well, if I'm right, we need to… We need to… We need to… We need to… We need to… We need to… We need to… We need to… We need to… We need to… Put Billy in this pool. And Billy, you need to relax yourself. Let this… Let the waters wash over you. Okay. And we'll see what happens. I should say I… Can me and Ving get in there with him? Help him out? You can.

It might be dangerous. Try and relax him? Yeah, you absolutely can. It might be a little… A little dangerous. Could it help? It might help. It's quite deep. Okay. And you look down, like… And it's… And it's deep. Well, if it's… You can't see the bottom of the pool. If it's dangerous, why is a child going in alone? Well, he needs to go in. Well… That's the whole reason that we came here. Can we hold him in? Yeah, we might try to secure him. That would be a good idea.

Let's tie a rope around him and tie it to this tree at least. Yeah. Do you have any… Have you ever done this before, Hootier? No. I heard about it. In detail? Where did you hear about it? In a book. Okay. You heard about it in a book. You sound like an idiot. Hey. I'm sorry. I'm just… I'm really nervous. That's fine. It's a stressful time. But you have to understand, this isn't something that's happened to anyone that I've ever met. Ever. Magic, as far as I knew, was dead. You know what?

I'm just going to get in. Billy takes off his toga. Okay. You see his little butt. And he just jumps in and floats up. All right. Oh, Billy. Okay. All right. All right. I guess I'm going to just kind of, like, dangle my legs in the pool and be ready, just in case. Yeah. If can I hang out in the edge as a… Some sort of swimming creature? Yeah. You can get in the pool if you want. Yeah. I'd like to be in the pool with Billy. All right. Did you remain a crocodile?

Or did you come back and are you shape-shifting again? I have one hold left. I'll use that. I'll be a crocodile. You'll just remain a crocodile? Mm-hmm. So you just slither into the water? Yeah. I get in, too. Okay. And are you just, like, holding on to the edge of the pool or something? I'm just going to hold on to Ving. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Great. So you get in and you do feel like your feet don't touch the bottom. And Ving, you, like, dip your head under the water when you get in. It's deep.

It's deep. There's stuff down there, too. It's weird. It's, like, not natural stone. It's really scary. It's pretty scary. Yeah. It's that really creepy feeling where the water goes light to very dark. Yeah. Yeah. And you can't see what anything is through it. Can I kind of look at the bottom and try and, like, see if there's anything I should be worried about down there? You can discern realities. Yeah. Okay. Nine. One question. What happened here recently? What is about to happen?

What should I be on the lookout for? What here is useful or valuable to me? Who's really in control here? What here is not what it appears to be? What's about to happen? What's about to happen is part of this information is what Houdir is saying. And she, like, reaches in and touches the water. She says, this is magic. It's magical water? It's not magic. It is very rich in energy. I have made a lot of my living being able to follow bits and pieces, scraps of power.

And this is more than I've ever felt. And she takes her hand out of the water. And she seems a little scared. Okay. I go, cool. And I drink some. It tastes like pond water. It tastes like river water. It tastes minerally kind of gross. Yeah. And I drink more of it. Stop. Stop it. And then I take some of my mouth. I spit it at Billy. It feels weird. Stop it. Yeah, Billy, this feels very strange. Yeah.

It feels, you know, when you spend too long in a hot tub and your head starts getting a little light. Yeah. It feels like that. Okay. And you feel it welling up. You feel that feeling welling up. Mm-hmm. To the point where it looks like, it feels like it's going to burst, like it's going to be too much. Mm-hmm. What do you do? I get, like, really scared. And I kind of want to, like, get out. But I know I shouldn't. So I just, like, let go. You just let go? Yeah. Give me a defied. Danger. Wisdom?

Nine. Nine. Okay. As you start to, like, let go, you feel energy start to run through you. Oh, okay. Like a sieve. Oh. Like that lightheaded feeling starts to go away, but you feel it running through you. And as it does that, you feel something start to move in you individually from that. And you know that if you just keep letting go, it's going to come out. Oh. But it's, like, trying to push its way out almost. Oh.

So you can either keep it in, and who knows what that's going to do, or you can relax and let it out completely. Do I want to let go? Does Billy want to let it go? I don't know. Maybe not. Well, what does it feel like? It feels like… Your soul's trying to poop. The feeling that you remember… Kind of, yeah. It kind of feels like your body's trying to expunge itself of something, and that something wants to be expunged.

So it's like the feeling that you felt just before you flipped out on the floor. Yeah. On the crocodile. And that you felt just after. It's similar to that. Is it cool stuff? Do I want it? Well, it doesn't… It feels… Like, the more the energy runs through you, the better it feels. And this thing doesn't feel good. Certainly. Certainly doesn't feel good. Hmm. Okay. Well, I'll do the one that feels good, I guess. You'll just let it out? I guess so. Yeah.

That is what a child would do, I suppose. Just go for the thing that feels good. Yeah. And you feel… You know how… Ever since… Ever since you found the box, Billy's been really… Grumpy? Grumpy. Yeah. Kind of shitty to everybody. Yeah. Or not shitty, but initially aggressive. You know what I mean? Like snippy or that sort of thing. That… All those feelings of tension and aggression towards the people that you care about kind of go away. Oh. You just feel relaxed. Okay.

And Billy's just kind of floating. How does Billy… What does Billy do? He's like a little starfish. He's just floating in the water. Wow. And then he starts doing like snow angel kind of things. Yeah. Once the feeling's gone. Uh-huh. And Houdier says, Billy, are you okay? Yeah. I'm just hanging out. Okay. Are we done here? I think we did it. Great. Cool. That was a lot easier than I expected it to be. It resolved itself with no conflict. Yeah. Hooray.

They said ominously as this still pool of water starts to lap out against the edge of the pond. Billy, get out of here. Ugh. Yeah. Yeah. Does Ving just notice right away? Yeah. Yeah. Billy. This isn't right. I'm a water crocodile. Yeah. Yeah. You're all… Yeah. That's true. So I'm really, really… Yeah. I'm at the edge. Oh, that's a good point. You feel the water. Yeah. You feel it moving in an unnatural way. Oh. And it's flowing through my gills and it tastes different. Get out of the hand.

Oh, okay. Yeah. So I… Yeah. So I'll scramble up. Defy danger dexterity. Okay. Seven. Seven. Okay. Okay. Um, you don't have anything on you because you got naked before you jumped in the pool. Well, you know. Because this kid gets naked so much that I… It feels nice. He's free. I feel like people are going to have an issue with there being a naked kid in the show so much. Yeah. Also one that we kidnapped for sure. Definitely raises a lot of questions. You know what, everyone? It's fine.

I like it. It's not sexual. Okay. It's just… Saying that it's not sexual makes it questionable. Yeah. Yeah. So you… Okay. All right. Some very strange stuff happens, Billy. As you're swimming away, you're looking around like, what's going on? Mm-hmm. And you see your friends. You see Tuck attached to Ving, who's a giant crocodile. And you see as they're like, get out of here, just behind your friends, the water rises up. Whoa, guys. And it's about to come down behind them.

You know that you could warn them, but you'd still be in the water when stuff starts popping off. Oh, I'm going to warn them, I guess. All right. Hey, you guys, get over here. Yeah. Tuck, you look up, and you see the water has risen up into this pillar. Oh, shit. There's like a water… A dick. A water dick coming out of the water. It looks like a dick. Can I try and cut the dick in half? Okay. No. Okay. One more time. Yeah. So there's like a big pillar of water.

It does kind of look like a dick, doesn't it? It does. I hate this. That was straight. Then we can leave it all to you. And most of all, I hate myself. Whatever. It doesn't matter. You're about to get… This water is basically… There's a form coming out, forming out of this water, this risen water. Soaking wet hammer. A pillar comes out of the water, and it starts to take on a more humanoid shape. Oh, fuck. Arms on either side. A very indeterminate head shape.

It's just sort of a flowing person coming out of this water. Is it the robe? It looks kind of like a robe. Kirill. You asshole. Shimmering blue. And you're about to get… He's about to punch you. Can I just… Push… I'm a giant crocodile. Can I fling him out of the way? Can you push… Wait. Flip me into this piece of shit. It's just water. What are we going to do to it? I don't know. Piss in it or something. Okay. I'll figure it out on the way. Just like I always do. All right. So…

I'm going to punch it. I'm going to say that's a 2d6 plus strength. Probably with an aid from Tuck if you're getting into it. I'm going to do it quick. Oh, same time. No. Okay. So, eight. Ten. Ten. Plus an aid. So, you get plus one. So, it is a nine. Yeah, unfortunately. So, it's not like an unmitigated success, but… Oh, also form crafter? Yeah. Did you add the strength? Additional strength, negative dexterity. Okay. So, it is a ten? Yeah. All right. Well, I mean, easy enough.

You get your giant sinewy tail. Yeah. And you kind of flip your backside up and Tuck jumps off of it. And you're sent careening at this water thing. What do you do? I do… I do a pretty nice front flip. And I've got my two-handed axe in one hand. And then as I come out of the flip, I bring my axe down where it looks like that misshapen head is. Yep. And then I also piss. Yep. In it. Jesus. I piss into it. And I'm like, take this, piss monster. Great. And I slice. Fucking piss monster.

All right. So, you swing. Mm-hmm. And you, like, go right through it. It's water. Like, you hit the water and your momentum carries you out the back of the water. Mm-hmm. And you just land. Like, you hit the edge of the pool and tumble back into the water. Pee. Okay. And you've peed yourself, I suppose. I pissed in the water? Great. It's totally different. Yeah. Great. But, yeah, you just don't, like, it just… Right through it. Yeah. It feels warm. Yeah. That might be something else. Great.

Great. So, yeah. There's a water person here. And they're big. Can I swim up it? Like, nine feet tall. Into its head? Yeah. Yeah. You totally can. Okay. I guess that would… So, are you… How many holds do you have? Oh, one. Yeah. So, it would be a defy danger strength, I guess, to kind of push yourself up the current. Eight. Eight. Oh, nine. Nine. Okay. You will be able to swim up it. Mm-hmm. But you feel it start to, like, constrict on you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The water get dense almost. Okay. And it's starting to harden around you. Yeah. And it gets cold and icy. Oh. And it's trying to… It's starting to try to crush you. Can I spin as fast as I can? Well, I mean… Can I go into a death roll? You can, but it's going to, like… Basically, if you try and do anything else in here, it's going to hurt. Well, I don't want to get hurt. Mm-hmm. But I want this thing to go away. Mm-hmm. Is it, like, freezing?

It's turning its body to ice, basically. I can try and break it apart. If it's ice, then I can smash it if it's half ice and half water. Okay. I can go into a spin. Death roll. You are going to take a D8 damage. Seven. Ugh. Seven damage. Ooh. You feel the ice crystals from the torso section harden and grow into your side. Whoa. They're filling my gills. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. And they're ripping at your gills and stuff like that. It's not good. I'm coughing up blood. Yeah. It's bad in there.

Billy, you see all this happening, and you're still in the water bobbing around. And Hudeer's like, Billy, get out of the water. Billy, come here. She reaches down and just grabs you. Oh. By the way. She grabs you in the arms and yanks you out of the water. Okay. She says, go. Get out. Run. Run? Yeah. Run away. Look at this. There's like a water person beating the shit out of your friends. Oh, my God. And she's like, we need to leave. But I can't leave them. I don't know what to do.

I'm just frozen there. Okay. I'm in pain and gurgling blood saying, run, Billy, run. Yeah. And Tuck is like bobbing back out of the water like, bleh. You see Ving inside this thing as it starts to harden. I need to help Ving. He's turning into ice. You could smash it. Yeah. Yeah. Can I smash it? Oh, I mean, maybe you could smash it. Yeah. Can I head over there with my axe? Like, swim over? It's hard to fight in the water. But you are close to the edge. You could always jump out. Okay.

Then I climb out onto the edge. How far away is it? You could swing out. Like, he's at the edge of the pool, basically. Oh, okay. And he's big. I climb out of the pool. I run a little distance away. And then I run back for, like, force of hammer. Yeah. Axe. Give me a hack and slash to just express your strength. Eight. Ten. What's your damage die? D10. D10. Plus your plus one damage from the axe, because it's two-handed. Four.

You chip into it, and you break a part of it, and water starts to pour out. It looks like you at least got its attention. Yeah. You definitely heard it. Okay. Then I want to do that move where I bring it over to me. Well, you've already done a move. Shit. So then you're inside a frozen man. Okay. As you're, like, wriggling around, you see the blade of Tuck's axe, like, crash into you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's kind of like, oh, man. The axe is gone. Yeah. So you can hack and slash while you're in here. Hack and slash crocodile face. Ooh. Ten plus 13. Great. So that's… You get to roll a D8. Two. Two. You are, like, whipping back and forth, and as you, like, break the ice out, it's just pulling itself back in. Like, you're breaking it, but it's reforming too fast.

It's water yeah yeah it's it sucks to be in here I hate this yeah um billy yeah you're still on the edge of the pool and your friends are kind of freaking out what do you do like I can't talk to it can I uh no you don't think you can it hasn't spoken at all what is anything yeah is there anything in your inventory that you might be able to use a crystal you do have a crystal can I pick pull it out that energy that you felt flowing through you while you were in the water you don't really feel it quite as strong anymore but you do feel it still swirling around a little bit in you and you feel that when you hold the crystal in your hand you can feel it sharpen a little bit can I go back in the water yeah can I try to lead this thing away you could go back in the water for sure could I swim down yeah you could try and swim down you tell me yeah billy is an idiot so he's just gonna swim down and try to take that water wizard back into the water you hit the water and you feel that energy start to flow through you and you do feel it amp up a little bit basically it's very uncomfortable it's fine and I say fuck you perel and then I swim down the water billy language no and um yeah so you hit that water and you feel this like borderline painful amount of energy start to well through you and perel does or the water monster uh does stop and loosen a little bit and like turn bodily and um start to go down like it starts to dip down into the water what do you do you're just it's kind of letting you go almost yeah well I'm gonna let it let me go and go to billy okay and surround him with my tail and make a circle around him tuck that's what's happening is this water thing is like kind of receding into the water you saw billy jump in and say fuck you're gonna let me go and go to you and then start swimming down well I guess I put two and two together I'm like well fuck this box it's still on my back uh-huh like this fucking thing is the source of every single one of these problems so I take it off my back and I'm gonna just smash the shit out of it with my axe oh because fuck this this isn't our fucking fight it's not our problem and like billy's about to drown this guy's fucked up beyond repair like fuck this I'm gonna kill whatever's in this box I don't give a shit anymore screw you genie yeah exactly he thinks there's a genie in there what yeah what was it that I thought was a genie not a genie but a wish granting spirit okay yeah fuck you and all the wishes you never gave me box genie okay um you ain't never had a friend like me roll it all right 2d6 plus strength 13 oh my god this box by all accounts has been pretty sturdy you remember the lid doesn't really come off but it did start rattling back in mudlark which was what led maggie cole to be so concerned about it and she wanted it taken somewhere where the wards would be strengthened to the point that it wouldn't be an issue anymore uh that has not happened since you have had it so you swing down and you bring your axe down as hard as you can right on top of the lid and it cracks okay it doesn't break but it cracks which it has never done before wow um so strong thanks it's a little disappointing for you I'm in a bulk phase right now and um inside okay so you guys are swimming down billy you're trying to swim away kicking your little arms and legs ving you were kind of being let go of your axe and you're like oh my god I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die still dragged along and uh when you crack the box you guys don't know what's happening at the same time obviously uh billy you feel something oh yeah a little bit while you're in the water you feel it reverberate through the water okay and the the force stops and immediately turns around and starts whipping back the other way and it comes up out of the water it's still got you vinging like it's moved you to a big arm and it's starting to grow a little bit and the pool is emptying it's a little bit it's going down a little bit it's going down a little bit it's going down a tiny bit but you feel like it's it's pulling waters from deep deep in this pool uh and it just pounds you tuck with a huge torrent of water okay what do you do uh I guess I dodge okay uh so you okay so that'll be a defy danger dexterity uh five six six okay yeah take a d8 roll the d8 six six damage as you get like slammed against a bunch of rocks I guess the reason why uh my dodge didn't work is because I took a minute to try and think of a clever quip to say yeah you're like hey yeah I was gonna say hey piss monster why don't you you're like slammed down and ving you see this happening as you're being like moved back and forth in this thing's arm you see the water go out you see tuck get crushed down and the water pulls back and you see the box and it's like oh my god it's like a big rock and it's like a big rock is gone and you see it in its arm I swim towards the box try and get it in my I try to eat the box okay give me a defy danger dexter you try to eat the box I'm going at a full force mouth open okay oh seven seven okay um you think you can get there fast enough but it's gonna have an opportunity to react basically it'll it'll really try and fuck you up if you do this you get the idea how much damage can you still take not much I have I'm at six you have six left okay you swim towards the box you see it oh there it is there it is there it is oh and um it hits your jaws are you trying to swallow it I want to get it in me okay so you do that and I say you'll have to open me up to get back your box and sort of a shitty tuck yeah totally for an impression and then I go good impression yeah that's a good one I'm gonna eat your box piss monster so you say that I'm gonna eat your box piss monster underwater in a crocodile voice yeah exactly and you get the box in your mouth it's weird because you'd think that considering this is part of nature or that this thing is composed of natural elements you figured you'd be able to talk to it but you don't hear any voices um but what you do feel is the the connection that you feel between yourself and the spirit world this sort of give and take that allows you to change form locks you don't think that you could get out of this form if you wanted to uh and you don't take any damage damage but you know that you're stuck like this right now and that this thing is very angry and I have its box in my mouth yeah I start swimming back downstream okay out of the pool for my friends yeah billy you see you come up out of the water and you see ving swimming down uh this thing's body you see tuck slammed against the rocks uh you're like oh my god I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die you're starting to come out of it like come out of this horrible crushing blow that it dealt you I go why don't you take some more piss okay and yeah billy you come up out of the water and you see all this happening and you feel like you that this crystal is letting you direct it in a way so you have an option okay I'm basically gonna let you cast a spell oh cool whoa cool that's cool I'm basically gonna let you cast a level one spell called magic missile okay to cast a spell you're gonna have to give me a 2d6 plus intelligence that's right the stat for casting spells is intelligence um what's your intelligence zero okay well zero is not as bad as it could be yeah so 2d6 plus your intelligence to cast a spell okay eight eight okay so on a seven to nine you either draw unwelcome attention to yourself or put yourself in a spot the spell disturbs the fabric of reality take minus one ongoing to casting spells until the next time you prepare a spell or after it is cast the spell is forgotten if you choose after it's cast this spell is forgotten you will never be able to learn magic missile oh but I wanna there are other spells but magic missile would not be one of them hmm do I have to take that one no no no that's just a choice you could either draw unwelcome attention to yourself or disturb the fabric of reality oh my god I want to disturb the fabric of reality yeah which means you'll take a minus one to casting spells until the next time you prepare a spell or after it is cast the spell is forgotten until you learn how to do it properly it's fine okay so you all this for give me 2d4 two two okay so three when billy releases this energy from his hands projectiles of pure magic spring from your fingers okay like what do they look like I imagine more like a beam oh it's a beam okay yeah yeah yeah yeah it's and especially in this water being where you're inside the water in this crocodile form as you're trying to swim down this beam of water is going to be a beam of purple light cuts through this water form punches through the ice punches through the water punches out the other side and this water creature kind of like reels back you hit the water and you've got the box in your mouth on your throat or whatever and you're swimming around yeah I go up on shore I want to go as go to billy as far and uh get to him and try and put him on my back and run away from the pool as fast as we can okay yeah it's like like it's trying to slam down on the side as you run uh it's going to be another defy danger unfortunately um I guess dexterity which is at a minus one I believe seven seven okay um you could get billy out of the way you could spit the box out but this thing is gonna hit you basically wait those two things I can spit the box out and billy you can get billy in the box out of danger but you're gonna take a hit on the way okay I think I need to cough up this box and tell billy that it's important that get this box out of here yeah totally don't destroy this box yeah and it's like leaking like you can feel it and you can feel it and you can feel it and you can feel it and you can feel it and you can feel it and you can feel it and you can feel it and you can feel it and you can see it leaking energy yeah okay don't listen to your dreams save the box okay I'll do that okay roll a d8 three like it just slams down on you and you feel like bones break but billy is thrown free and tuck you are seeing like ving is getting slammed over and over by this water thing what do you do uh I use the what are you waiting for move I taunt it over to me oh yeah you say what are you waiting for yeah great all right so how does what are you waiting for you're waiting for me to say waiting for work I cry out a challenge to my enemy roll plus constitution plus 10 they treat me as the most obvious threat okay I got two plus two is four okay mark another point of experience what's your challenge I I guess I keep calling it piss monster great and I go hey piss monster uh pick on someone whose piss is inside of you okay so it like it it rises up to its full height which is you know 10 11 feet now holy fuck and uh it looks at you and it picks ving up and its whole fist turns to solid ice and crushes him ving no and it throws him down next to the pool uh-huh do I have to roll hmm sure roll your damage roll a roll a d8 can I just roll a little dice for a second yeah roll the d8 six what's negative three mean oh my god what does negative three mean negative three means that you um there's a move yeah yeah this move is called last breath 2d6 straight nine nine stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck the form of this water form just starts to recede back into the pool and you see it run down the river that you came down and down all the other tributaries in the area this water just pushes out from the pool okay yeah so I guess I run over to ving and you see a big old crocodile and I guess I I try and wake him up doesn't move uh what does the seven to nine that he rolled mean seven to nine means that when you are really examining this you're like trying to roll this crocodile over and trying to revive it in any way you notice that it doesn't have gills hey hey buddy wake up hey you piece of shit like wake up come on you fucking idiot come on wake up we won okay it's gone you're okay you're okay okay you're okay wake up it's okay you're okay and you hear wake up wake up wake up and you open your eyes and you're looking into the face of an elk a snow owl and a polar bear and the elk says where's crocodile the wild wood has given hand to druid born of elf and man a lantern light in endless dark with courage from the deepest heart from barren lands of ice and snow upon the plains where nothing grows there stands a figure of the land a druid born of elf and man a dragon woman a dragon woman a dragon woman a dragon woman a dragon woman a dragon woman a dragon woman a dragon woman a dragon woman a dragon woman a dragon woman a dragon woman The broken three who walk the path The bonded three who stand and fight Through darkness of an endless night The loss of one, the sacrifice Of he who's born of wood and ice For strength of arm and speed of flight Could not contain an ancient blight The hollow road, it takes its toll From those who hunt the wilder of The longest walk, the hardest plan Await those who fight the will of time The water wheel will turn no more The water wheel will turn no more For those who walk the broken shores A world of light and love bereft Awaits those who break the will of death On roads beyond the kin of men Between the word of now and then Through paths of love and hate Paths beyond the sight of light A figure moves with will to fight With broken staff and bloody hand Walks druid born of elf and man A world of light and love bereft