Episode 1 – Trust Goes Both Ways

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape, and wields a spear with great might Peely's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends, and listen close For the tale's about to start Hey what's crackin' everybody?

Hey what's crackin' everybody? Hi, I'm your Game Master Sean O'Hara and this is Spout Lore With me as always, playing Fat Blade the Halfling Thief, Jessica Tai What's up? Playing Ving the Half Elf Jessica just dabbed She dabs so much now I was gonna say yeet, and I didn't know how What the fuck is yeet? Like you yeet it somewhere Yeet is like, as far as I know it's just throwing something?

We're all too old for this I like that you looked at me I don't think that's I have no idea what this is supposed to mean But you have the best skin out of all of us That's why The youngest person in the room is almost 30, so we don't understand youth culture anymore Who's the youngest person in the room? Me Jessica You're not 30 yet?

She's gonna be 30 in October Sobtober Sobtober That's what I'm doing this year To change it up from every other day of your life Yeah I'm gonna do heroinvember I'm gonna do heroinvember I'm gonna do heroinvember I'm gonna do heroinvember I'm gonna do heroinvember And playing Ving the half-elf druid Paul Opbers I'm flossin' Woo! Yeah, floss He's doing so poorly I'm never flossed You've never flossed?

Jessica loves to floss She doesn't have time with it Shit Sitting down, wow I mean, it doesn't work sitting down Is this worth it for us?

Yes, yes, yes, yes what it's so smooth natch natch natch throwing a dab wow that's my wife everybody well done thanks uh and playing tacoma dump the barbarian abdulaziz hello never be embarrassed for flossing it's great when last we left our heroes they had arrived at the vault fucking finally wow four seasons two years yeah and they're here at the vault and things went bad right away and then good I think and then kind of good I guess uh the well on the road we explored the fanny pack yeah which is a forever tent and you sort of took some time to make it your own billy sleeps in a drawer in the kitchen area now um francis the uh water pig what are we calling this that woolly pig I've also been calling them in my head mire hogs oh yeah like pretty good because they're just like swamp hippos I love it I also saw a video of a hippo recently where they do that threatening thing where they just open their mouth as wide as they can I was thinking about francis doing that his big ass tusks we found a room that billy determined was full of terrible creatures and we put a sign on it called it the danger room yeah which is very alluring makes me think of the x-men and I want to go in it I know right and I mean maybe you could just bust it open who knows but make friends with a monster according to yeah I mean well you tried yeah being attempted to commune with the spirits and was met with the empty void of the liminal space pretty heavy got to the vault you met you overcame the magical security measures surrounding it uh and you met chamberlain the keeper of the vault who is a stained glass golem and they demanded the box you went back and forth for a little bit refused and the box was destroyed by tacoma dome with his spirit axe I gave perilla test to see how he would react to being handed over finally and he reacted in a way that tacoma dome approved of yeah yeah he didn't freak out on this yeah he was just like I could have done so much yeah more than we can say for fuck you it was just like give me the box yeah well no and then he freaked out afterwards yeah oh yeah totally yeah yeah he he started shattering and the shards became spooky and he snapped little baby billow's arm the last straw my little arm and then perrell turned chamberlain to sand and now now perrell is here chamberlain is dust and that is where we join our heroes at this moment in time standing in the vault perrell the wizard standing above a pile of multi-colored sand the billy with a snapped arm and perrell stands in front of you his hand slightly raised following the enchantment he used to turn chamberlain into dust and his whole body just starts to sag it looks like he's about to fall over what do you do oh I catch him and he just slumps into your arms he goes oh oh oh oh I'm so I'm so sorry I'm so sorry and he kind of forces himself to stand back up why are you apologizing you literally just saved all of our lives it's just um and he's flexing his hands physical bodies are uh it's been a long time it's been a long time how did that come out of the box how did what come out of the body did it come out of the box I don't know did you see it I didn't see it I didn't see it I was nearby then I was here I I I wish that I understood how the process worked but now and he sort of gestures at the pile of gravel that is what used to be the water and he's like oh my god I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry stone box and ving is gathering it into a mason jar are you gonna are you keeping all that yeah what yeah hey prel yeah hi you're shorter than I thought oh yeah you are shorter than you appeared in your projection am I yeah you look like a substitute teacher well I mean maybe I goosed myself up a little bit during the projections and you can see that he's like balder than he made himself look just a little bit he's a little scrawnier and he does have that he does have like a shitty mustache like a wispy one kind of it's not as full as you'd think he would expect it to be like there's but he's got scruff on his face and there's parts that are just like blank yeah it's kind of are you looking at my own face I'm just describing your facial hair yeah it's pretty bad it's rough you can tell he made himself look a little bit better are you are you married to that mustache oh and he like touches his face I haven't needed to shave in so long so well you should pick up a razor for you next time we're in I'm sure I can find one thank you okay do any of you have anything to eat oh you're hyperglycemic I am hungry for the first time in almost a hundred years well I mean uh it seems like we always have granola with us wait hold on what happened to billy oh this and billy's arms just hanging shit billy yeah I don't it's weird I don't feel anything and then I just fall over okay yeah oh jesus I'm making a splint wait a second and like he looks at mirrors who's just standing nearby like wide-eyed and shaking staring at with his hand like that and he's like oh I'm just like oh I'm just like oh I'm just like oh I'm just like on the hilt of his sword he says quietly to all of you what have you done I think that's obvious it's a wizard yeah but he I don't know he you understand that they were gonna lock him up forever right yes that was explicitly what maggie asked you to do yeah but I need to do and all of us that was the point of all of this are you scared of the authority I'm afraid of wizards certainly they destroyed the world that's the story you've been told what if that story is you're scared of the authority I'm afraid of wizards certainly they destroyed the world that's the story you've been told what if that story is true I'm scared of the authority I'm scared of isn't the whole story and it may be the one side of a bigger story and he starts like breathing really hard like oh no oh no we're all this is so dangerous we're all gonna they he what are we and he's like he's panicking I reasoned his pocket and break his cell phone in half so he can't call but genuinely like he's starting to have a panic attack and we're like mirrors mirrors mirrors relax it's okay perel has saved our lives more times than I can count he saved your life too sure he took mine once yeah he did kill vang one time but he saved us more times than he killed vang that's right it was just one time so take all the times that he saved us and take off one and that's the number of times that he saved us so we vouch for him we vouch for him perel's like enough enough we can this can be dealt with later we need to we need to tend to to small to little billy here yeah I'm on it splinting up well I mean it's a broken arm it's gonna take it's gonna take some figuring for sure but I just want to make a splint yeah oh yeah you can make a splint thank you I did it yeah I'm not oh jesus do you have like a poultice we can put in the splint no I spent all my pulses on his sagatsuka oh yeah and perel is like oh uh sorry food somebody have something to yeah I rifle through billy's adventure and give him some grits and he eats a little bit and then he just shoves the rest in his mouth so fast like oh and he goes nuts on the granola like oh I love food I forgot how good food is wonderful um so and he throws his hands out you freed me there is now for the first time in a long long time a wizard in the world even now my thalmic field is likely emanating out from me and imbuing the environment with magical energies that it has to do with the world and I'm like oh it's a lot it's it's the truth sit down be humble yeah when you say sit down he puts his hand behind him and the stone of the floor starts bubbling and smooths up into a stool with like a high back on it and he just sits down on this stone chair is that is that how powerful wizards are yeah this is specifically what we're talking about in this episode we're talking about how powerful wizards are and we're talking about how powerful wizarding is and we're talking about how powerful wizarding is and we're talking about how powerful wizarding is and we're talking about how powerful wizarding is and we're is good at he's a transmutation wizard okay so he's good at changing the forms of things so he took the frogs and he turned them into bollywugs he can take things and turn them into other things well can you maybe do something useful and uh fucking fix billy's arm take a broken arm turn it into a good arm oh and he claps he's like oh I'm sorry I'm still getting used to the idea that I have magic again okay I can definitely give it a shot and he goes up to billy and he he very gently grips billy's arm and closes his eyes what what sorry is it that he very gently grips yeah yeah a lot of romance novels lately he um he closes his eyes and billy you're jolted out of your shock by a warm feeling in your arm and the pain that you were experiencing just a few moments ago uh starts to dissipate and it feels like the bone in your arm is healed wow what he fixed me no shit yeah check it out I give him a high five and he high fives you oh I haven't high-fived anybody in so long how are you feeling billy give me a little one nice ving comes up behind me gives him a hug oh I love hugs it's been so long I feel so powerful okay you're popping your peas on your power here yeah this guy's a little wide-eyed it's just it's hard to explain just the energy coursing through my body right now all right buddy raining in sorry in front of billy talking about the thalmic fields that you're emanating you're talking about the energy coursing through your body you're talking about it in a near sexual way I just have no other way to describe these you should try and find another way because it's making billy feel uncomfortable it's making him feel uncomfortable and I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm You're making me feel uncomfortable.

Yeah. And you're so breathy about it. I have breath again, though. Yeah. But keep it in, you know? Yeah. And also, like, Tuck, I've already seen it all from you. I don't show you everything. Well, you don't think you do. I've already seen it all. We saw your taint. Perel, Froze's brownie nods a little bit. Just play it cool. That's a great point. Yeah. I am a wizard, and I'm alive. But I am only one wizard. And I'm a very specialized wizard at that. You sure are, bud.

And this one, and he points at Mears, represents an organization that wanted to imprison me forever. And he's on our side? Yeah, Mears is cool. Is he? Yeah. Mears, you're cool, right, bud? I mean, he's cool in, you know, a way that he's not cool. He's not cool at all in any way. Look at him. He's got cargo shorts. That hair is fucking awful. He can only cook, which is great. But he's not really cool, you know? You wouldn't put him on an album cover. So we can trust him. Oh, yeah.

To not run off and alert whatever organization you've been in the employ of for however long. Mears, can we trust you? Hi. This seems wrong. Do you trust us? Yes. Well, yeah. But this is a wizard. This is explicitly what the menders do not want. Yeah, but, like, how do you know that all wizards are bad? It's just what I've always been told. Yeah. It's what you've always been told. So you don't know for sure that that's true. And Perel has helped us a bunch of times. He's been an okay guy.

Someone's going to need to make a role to, like, convince Mears that this is okay. Because he's… Like, on the edge of bolting. So is Tuck trying to convince him? Yeah. Yeah. Give me a 2D6 plus… Is this, like, a parlay? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or is this just a straight… Like, I've gotten down on one knee. Like, I have my hand on his shoulder. And I'm like, look, it's a fucked up thing to do to imprison someone for eternity. And that's what Maggie was asking us to do.

And if she was an okay person, like, if she was a good person, she wouldn't be asking us to, like, do that. She would at least be taking care of me. Take care of it herself. And all we've seen from Perel is that he's helped us. So… Eight. Plus what? Charisma. Ten. Ten. All right. Unmitigated success. Mears takes a deep breath, looking into your eyes as you have so gently made this friendly connection. Letting him know that you're only doing what you think is best.

And he nods and goes, I'm willing to give it some time. But only because I trust you guys. Thank you. I don't trust him. Any points of Perel. Well, give him a chance. Just give him a chance to earn your trust. That's what I've agreed. Okay. I'll give him a chance. But I am… Can I have the fanny pack? Yeah. And I give it to him. And then I go over to Perel. And I do the same thing where I get down on one knee. And then I pull him down to my level. Uh-huh. And I'm like, Perel?

Well, Mears has helped us out a lot. Mostly with meals. But can you give him the same courtesy that he's giving you? Of… Will you trust him? Of giving you a chance. Well, I think he's… I think he's made his choices quite clear. What? And he points, like, over away. And Mears has, like, walked further away into the vault. And you see him just throw the fanny pack on the ground and unflip it into a tent. And he goes inside. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Billy. So Billy pads after Mears. Yeah. You go through the tent. You find Mears in the extra dimensional, like, living room. And he's just clanging around in the kitchen. What are you doing? I'm making some food. Why? I'm stressed out. This is what I do when I'm stressed out. I'm cooking. Do you want anything? Do you want some help? Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That would be great. That would be great. What should I do?

Well, I'm thinking about making a…

Frittata so if you can find like a I don't know like a like a bread pan sort of thing like deep pan just anything I look in my drawer yeah you've been sleeping in a bread pan what about this I hold up my bed you keep bringing random things that aren't even like cooking utensils what about this that's a bowl yeah there's a salad bowl and a bread pan there is chopsticks there's some of the small kindling from the fire there's my blankets there's some hairs that francis has shed that I've collected tell me what in here you want I'll take this and he grabs the pan great choice and he just starts whipping up some food like he's just making a egg thing he's like bill you trust this perrell I trust him with my life he taught me some of the things I know including magic and he kept us safe and he helped us bring thing home so I like him a lot he's like a an uncle I never had and a teacher I never had and uh mirrors is like you you know magic kind of like small amounts really yeah you want to see some yes yeah yeah okay I'm gonna grab the hairs oh yeah yeah yeah what's in a frittata what do you need uh like a pep like peppers I don't know what pepper is but I'm gonna make something else jerky so you're doing billy switcheroo yeah oh my god I failed I got six so what happens what happens to these hairs so I was trying to turn them into chives uh they turn into worms no I don't know no that's fine yeah if it's these three hairs and you're like I've got it and then they the hairs turn into worms and billy goes and like drops them you still want them oh no see this is what I'm afraid of what the worms oh my god magic it's just it's unpredictable and it's dangerous it's not dangerous just grow up and I walk away whoa mirrors is just like left standing in the kitchen and perel is with the two of you ving and tuck and he's like so what now huh and we did it you freed me yeah we're here you made it to where you were supposed to go this whole time we did it we did it everybody it doesn't really feel like that much of a climax right I guess not yeah let's try and I mean let's try and make it feel like a bigger thing okay all right okay I'm alive again I was dead for a long time yeah we've all huge deal for me it's fine okay here's my thought billy yeah billy's got a handful of worms uh if you guys are hungry mirrors is making a frittata and I'm gonna do a little bit of a!

I'm gonna do a little bit of a! I'm gonna do a little bit of a! I'm gonna do a little bit of a! A little bit of a! A little bit of a! A little bit of a!

You I don't know he's just upset but I'm upset so I'm gonna go over here why are you holding a handful of worms I try and make something and it didn't work out and I just have these worms that's okay billy takes the worms outside he just goes up and starts burying them in the ground yeah this is your world yeah be free you were once hares but now you're worms uh but yeah parell's like so what are the menders coming for you is this going to be a problem I don't know man really didn't ask that we were just told to bring you here yeah they didn't really they're not good at communicating they're not good communicators can they find you yeah they have our blood your blood yep and this is like a magical means of tracking the three of you I guess so they found us in high spear presumably mirrors uh yeah they could probably find mirrors too I mean honestly even if you didn't have mirrors as blood and a magical means of tracking them you could probably find them pretty easily clang clang yeah god damn it that's hot so what was your plan after you left here I I leaned over to him and I grabbed on the shoulder like plan very well understood I just fear that if it were to get out that there's a wizard alive that it could go very bad for me very quickly and I could end up back in one of those boxes or worse I'm not immortal I'm I'm easily killed okay just as easily stabbed to death as anyone else with flesh and blood okay well then just be low-key about it that's fine I can definitely try I it would be possible for me to to suppress my the energy field that all wizards possess but it might be easier to to carry on as if nothing had changed what do you mean I mean as long as mirrors doesn't let the cat out of the bag so to speak for all intents and purposes you delivered the box to the vault right huh yeah but won't they know that chamberlain's dead yeah chamberlain's dead the box is smashed great point and he reaches down and he puts his hand above the pile of multicolored sand that had been chamberlain a few years ago and he's like I don't know what to do with it I don't know and he's like I don't know what to do with it I don't know what to do with it I don't know and starts to raise his hand and the sand starts to heat up and glow and melt back into panes of stained glass and as he raises his hand the body of chamberlain reforms and the light inside starts to flare back up and you can see parell scrunch his face up as the light flickers and chamberlain's lead-lined face starts to like grimace in sort of the angry aggressive face that you saw when he was trying to kill the three of you whoa what are you doing just what this is a second parell's like wait no no he then he puts both hands up and he's like and the the light stabilizes and the lead-lined face of chamberlain relaxes and the sand like has shot out of the mason jar that bing had stuffed a bunch into just destroyed free yeah but you said you buy them by the dozen yeah for a price and parell's face is scrunched up he's just like shut up up for a second you should and perel uh relaxes as chamberlain relaxes and places their hands in front of them in sort of a servant's gesture and it's like how can I help you and perel is sweating like sweat is pouring from his face he's got huge sweat stains like on his robes he's just mopping his own face like oh and uh perel reaches down to the stone chair that he'd formed a little bit ago to rest on and it becomes liquid again in his hand and he works it like a like he's working a ball of dough into a roughly box-sized shape he forms in front of you a like copy of the wardstone box that he'd been imprisoned in for so long oh sick don't forget the crack he's like oh no problem and he very flashily like taps the top of the box and it's got the little hairline crack and he's like and also don't forget all the shit in there put some shit in there just in case they open it then that would be hilarious that that would be pretty funny that's pretty funny and he kind of puts his hand above it and goes and you can see him like jig and the box kind of jiggles a little bit he goes it's gonna be hilarious and he he turns to oh don't you shit this is the funniest thing to me finally shit in that box and he turns to chamberlain and he holds the box out and goes chamberlain and he goes yes master could you deposit this in the vault please he goes right away and he walks away with the box and chamberlain walks up to one of the stained glass walls and just flows right through it whoa yeah billy comes in at that point and sees that he's like and perel looks at billy like that's what real magic looks like young man oh that's a weird flex to do yeah billy walks back out perel goes what why do you have a bunch of worms these ones are new worms because uh oh uh very well very well wait why did you bring new worms back in well I found them and they looked so lonely I thought I'd take them on a tour of this place but I see I'm not welcome and I no no no side eye and he puts his hand on your shoulder like no what that was your what's wrong well I couldn't do any magic in the tent and then you just said I don't have real magic no and I'm embarrassed that I want a cold side that was not what I was implying that was what I was simply implying was that in time you will possess abilities equal to or perhaps exceeding mine well only if you like I'm not going to be able to do it in time I'm going to be able to do it in time I'm going to be able to do it in time only if you're teaching me I mean yes that is part of it it requires tutelage so when are we leaving then well I suppose that's up to the three of you now with the quote-unquote box in the quote-unquote vault thanks to quote-unquote you that's a lot of air quotes yeah it's too many I think that as long as you're able to convince the menders that all is as it should be there shouldn't be any problems you yeah I think we can lie I think we can lie to them yeah we can I mean there's not gonna be any problems are there bro I they're still tracking you magically or if if uh your young ward in the tent decides that his conscience can't handle lying to his superiors he'll be fine don't worry about it you leave him to us I would recommend maybe parting ways with him at some point he seems like a liability yeah we like him billy what yeah I like mirrors yeah we like him we like you too well yeah are you coming with us and he thinks for a moment he's like I suppose I mean and he looks around like this place is pretty fascinating though why should I come with you well I mean I don't know I thought we were friends yeah I thought you just wanted to hang out with us but if that's different don't we have things to do with you in the world aren't you gonna help us fix everything I could I definitely could don't you want to prove the world wrong everyone's against you and wizardry we need to roll no perel's not the kind of person you gotta roll against him for like thankfully because I will fail you know I think I think I will come with you yeah perel perel perel perel come on hip hip perel should we should we end it there no no holy shit no how much time that's like a 30 minute episode okay uh chamberlain comes back out through the wall hip hip perel hip hip perel uh and then we all stopped because he ruined it he's just got it chamberlain just has his arms halfway up he brought the nerd vibes perel uh and perel turns to chamberlain like chamberlain here's what's gonna happen I'm going to leave now or soon and I may not return but if the menders arrive do not mention me and tell them that fat billy ving the druid and tacoma dome delivered the box as promised and and uh chamberlain just nods says I understand and don't let them contact us no no that's too much we need time they but they would know that we fucked with chamberlain man uh but then chamberlain says I could send a letter oh yeah saying that the task has been achieved yes the quest is complete and also chamberlain I think there was some promise of payment and chamberlain goes payment is not usually involved in the quest of payment and I'm not sure if that's true or not but I'm not sure if that's true or not but I'm not sure if that's true or not but I'm not sure if that's true or not menders operations and perel goes but chamberlain they're guests and uh chamberlain nods and goes guests wonderful what sort of payment were you hoping for I don't know like what's your coolest thing oh our coolest don't fucking way what's a reasonable like what are you hoping for I wanted a piece of chamberlain oh a piece of chamberlain yeah sick for what I want to make a amulet to remember this moment and you want a memento from a living thing for my scrapbook yeah make like a little like bangle bracelet one of those like little like troll blade right bracelets what are they called charms charm bracelets troll bracelet okay no I've been making a troll here's the thing in this world the trolls make these things called troll bracelets they just call them bracelets they're like charm they're charm bracelets I have crocodile teeth on there I've got a little bit of a dried up assassin vine uh it's all of our adventures on his wrist yeah yeah um great uh wonderful so without you having to say that chamberlain thinks for a moment and goes well as my task is keeping the items in the vault safe I could not do that I could not do that I could not do that I could not do that I could not do that I could not possibly give you anything that I've been required to keep watch over but and he reaches up and grabs his own finger and snaps it off oh yeah cool and takes like what the fuck and uh pokes his pokes his other index finger through the tip of that index finger to like kind of make a hole in it yeah and then snaps the individual knuckles off like so there's three knuckles and he holds them out to each of you and they make little rings of like colored glass I put it on my crystal hand yeah it's just like I put mine in my uh little pouch it's too big for my fingers yeah for now and what does tuck do just put it on he puts it on but yeah you put them on and well tuck's the only one that puts his on well no ving put his on or the crystals and they um yeah they start to glow uh with a very faint but clear light oh nice these are beautiful thank you thank you I do yeah uh yeah and perel sort of looks around and I want to give something to chamberlain to say thank you are you just gonna give chamberlain some bullshit out of your bag uh it's not bullshit it's a fucking gift for a friend okay chamberlain goes oh a gift for me yeah so I'm like rifling through my bag I'm like fuck and then I take out the book love and lust and I'm like chamberlain have you ever read love and lust before chamberlain's lead line eyes like open wide I have not read a new book in two years wow well this he reaches out snatches it right out of your hand okay I'm grateful and flips to the first page and is just reading okay like input this is I'm so fucking glad that I had I when I came up with chamberlain I was like chamberlain is a weird stained glass golem who loves to read and hasn't had a new book in so long but I was like they like love and lust too much but because he read the first time you met him he read mirrors his letter and was like this is awful yeah like he's just been waiting to read a new book I'm glad you like it and he starts to wander away he's just turned around like oh just delightful like whispering to himself like a golem that loves trashy novels trash yeah oh yeah specifically romance novels yeah he loves them can't get enough cool uh and I'm liking chamberlain more and more now I'm glad so cool really glad let's get the fuck out of this vault yeah yeah pearls like where to do I just do I just hop in the tent yeah well one second yours is in there yeah let's go and check out what mirrors have been doing oh yeah we gotta go eat should I come with you yeah come with us yeah you're part of the family okay mirrors is in there yeah let's go and check out what mirrors has been doing a few days ago a few days ago a few days ago a few days ago a few days ago a few days ago a few days ago a few days ago a few days ago a few days ago a few days ago a few days a few days a few days a few days a few days a few days a few days a few days a few days a few days a few days a few days a few days a few days a few days a few days a few days a few days a few days a few days a few days a few days a few days a few days a few days a few days a few days a few days You want to give him a hand back?

I mean, that's not what I was thinking. What are you thinking? And I think you also have to ask him first. I'm just thinking that if he doesn't trust me… You can't zombify him. Don't erase his brain. Okay, so we're not cool with brain chemistry transmutation. No, what the fuck is wrong with you? I just think that he's a liability. Who even thinks about that? Yeah, and he thinks that about you. Yeah, you know who's a liability right now? Is you. You're right. You know what's hard to navigate?

A one-way street. Trust goes both ways. He trusts you. We're working on him. We're working on you. You gotta work on you too, bud. Now just tell him you love his food. You'll eat it up. I would eat a stick right now. So I'm sure his food is delicious. That phrase is one I've never heard before. We don't say that anymore. It was very popular when I was a youth. Sticks? That phrase. That turn of phrase. That phrase. I'm so hungry I could eat a stick right now. Oh, I remember that one.

Yeah, thank you. This must be still in use in the halfling lands. No, but I did eat a lot of sticks in my time. Okay, well, all right. Yeah, he heads in, but Peril's like, I understand. I'll try and win him over with my charm. You gotta stop doing air quotes, bud. Yeah. This is going to be difficult. Your mouth has to stop. It's getting so wet when you say stuff about your power. Yeah. Can you stop getting wet over yourself? Yeah, can you stop salivating at your own power?

I am not used to having salivary glands. I'm getting used to it. That is actually very funny that Peril is just figuring out his body again. So he's doing a bunch of weird stuff. He's in puberty. It's a fourth puberty. What was your third one? Let's head on in, folks. And you go in. You're through the entryway, and Mears is in the kitchen. Smells amazing in here, Mears. Well, the paella is on. Or the paella. Sorry. I got confused halfway through. I made a paella. Fucking paella again.

This guy is paella. You made a half frittata, half paella. Yeah, the frittata got kind of wet, so I just turned it into a paella with eggs in it. It's kind of baked. It's not great. Oh, it smells good to me. And he turns around, and he sees Peril. He's like, oh. And Peril? Peril smells great. Mears is like, hmm. Well, come on, everybody. Eat. The three of you. Come on, have some. Hey. Hey. Friaya. No. What? What? What? What? What? First of all, Friaya. Awesome. Love it.

Second, he's going to trust you and not zombie you. That was what? He was going to what? Shut up. No. Shut up. Why would he do that? Yeah. Why would he zombie me? Sure. I don't know. It's nothing. It's nothing. People do. Peril said that he's willing to hang out and trust and travel. And I think the least you can do is do the same. Especially after he saved us from Chamberlain. That guy was going to kill all of us. Billy first. For sure. And he fixed my arm.

Well, Billy and I already kind of talked about it. I'm not. 100%. On board with Peril. But I like you guys. You've given me a lot of purpose in the world. And I'm not just going to betray you. If you say that you trust him, then I trust you for now. You guys should shake hands. Yeah. Shake hands. Peril, this is how you shake hands. He's shaking his own. He's just gripping his own fingers. Yeah. Oh, I know. I've. It's been a while, but I've shaken hands before. And then I'm also.

I'm doing the same thing. But to Mears, I'm like, do it like this. And Peril walks up and holds out his hand. He's holding out the hand that Mears' hook is on. And Mears like holds out his other hand. And he's like, no. Give me that hand. And Mears is like, and he looks at all three of you. And he's kind of wigged out. You give him a thumbs up. I give him two thumbs up. And he. So he reaches out with the with the hook hand and Peril takes it and puts both hands on it.

And shakes it very sincerely and looks him in the eye. And when he takes his hand away, you see that the wood in the hook is like fused into the metal. And the metal is formed into five fingers. Whoa. Dope. And Mears like flexes his hand. And the metal goes like. We're going to have to get some oil for that. And he's just flabbergasted. And he looks at Peril and goes. You want some fry? Yeah. It's not good. And Peril like looks at the food and you could. He's he's just so.

Thrilled that there's food nearby and he goes. I could not care less. And you guys settle into like kind of a nice meal family dinner in the. There's no dining room. Did I say there was a dining room? No, I think there's like couches. Yeah, we're just eating on the couches. And Peril is. He's eating so much. Whoa. Yeah. He's laying on a pillow and he's just like. I love lounging and eating. It's almost gross to watch him. It's pretty gross. It's like. We're watching it. We're like.

We're going to have to have a conversation with him about this. We're going to have to talk to him. He's eating his feelings right now. For sure. For sure. For sure. I recognize this. As he's shoving food in his face. And he's also like. He's figuring out his body. So he's like. I don't know. He's farting and burping a lot at the same time. It's fucking gross. It's one of those things where he's just laying there like. And then out of nowhere he's like. I am so sorry.

He just farted out of his mouth. I wanted to do that. But I did not expect it to be that loud. It's incredible. The body is just an amazing thing. Chew with your mouth closed. Oh, I'm sorry. Lips. You know how it is. Also stop gyrating against the couch. It's so. So soft. I just can't get enough of this. And Francis the Woolly Pig is like asleep in the corner. Like you guys got to. And it's cramped. I should mention now. It's like pretty cramped. Yeah. I mean, the morning comes.

If you all just kind of hit the hay. Sleeping on the ground. Perel is asleep so fast. But he wakes up a lot. Because he like forgets what being asleep feels like. So he's just. Oh, okay. It's like a baby. You have to like teach him how to sleep again. Yeah. Because the act of being tired. Is scary. Yeah. Like the feeling of being tired. It's like I'm dying. I'm dying. And then I would. I'll pick. I pick him up. And I'm like, you're not dying. I like bounce him to sleep.

Every time he starts to drift away. He's like, no, no, no, no, no, not back in the box. I can't go back. It's like you're not in the box. The box is gone. Yeah. And then. Yeah. We all take turns. Like. Yeah. Like I'll bounce him to sleep. And then I'll put him down. And then Billy will like rub his back. Yeah. And then Bing. I. I. I. I. I. His. His bald head. Circles. Oh, that's so nice. Is Bing still trying to commune with the spirit world in here? Or. What's the point? What's the point? Yeah.

Bing. It's rough, man. Oh, whatever. Bing. That's life. You'll find your spirit animal. Yeah, probably not. You will. All right. I don't believe you. Maybe you'll find you. What even am I? Billy. Cheer him up. Do something to cheer him up. I. I. I rub things back. That's nice. Thanks, Bill. You're welcome. At least I have you guys. Yeah, always. Yeah. And we go to sleep. Yeah, that's nice. So you wake up in the morning and, you know, Mears makes some breakfast. It's sort of a quiet morning.

Mears walks up and he's got the map in his hand and he puts it on the table and he spreads it open for everybody to see and looks at it and looks at all of you and says, well, I'm. Where now? Vacations where I want to be. Beach party summer. Beach party summer. I mean, yeah, that's the thing. And Pearl's like, we you had no other tasks with the menders. This was it. This is honestly like our biggest job ever. We can go anywhere. We can go anywhere we want to go.

I mean, what what happened with the did anything ever get resolved with? The, you know, the monster created by my darkest ambitions. Oh, shit. Wait, which one was that? I think it killed Ving. It was the reason that none of you trusted me. It disappeared into the waterways. You said. Oh, right. I forgot about all that. It's chipping away at the circle of life out there. Yeah, it's destroying the halfling lands. On the other hand, beach party summer. I mean, as. Someone who has.

Been put upon for a very, very long time. There's nothing wrong with taking a little time for yourself, you know, well, let's stretch in your arms and legs and other parts of the bodies that we all have now. This guy's nose. Yeah. Yeah. Very happy about having a body. It's so cool. I cannot. I, you know what I did this morning? I defecated. Yeah, we all saw it. You did it in the middle. I mean, there's no privy in the fanny pack. We have bathroom. What are they? What is that?

What they're called now? It's been so long. Yeah. And he knows it's like, it's going to be like, hey, it was the grandpa for the next few months. Because we're like an uncle worse. Just the worst. It's not charming yet. Yeah. It's just kind of gross. And actually, once we once we talk about this a little bit, he any points at the danger room sign goes, we should probably figure we should probably talk about this, huh? Yeah.

We all look over there and there's like, yeah, the fabrics kind of being pushed out from the inside. Do we want to settle that? We've dealt with it. There's a sign. It's it says danger room. We know we shouldn't go in there. Yeah. That's why we put the sign. And now everyone knows. Right. Yeah. Danger room. Don't go in there. But it says any points of it says guest quarters, doesn't it? This could be beds. You've been sleeping on a couch. Yeah. On the floor. Yeah. On this pig. Wooly pig.

Honestly, if I found a bed, I probably. I still sleep on top of Francis. It's great. I mean, maybe there's a bathroom in there. I mean, this is. Or a privy. A privy. That's what they were called when I was alive. Honestly, it would be nice to not have to like just shit outside. And then it cuts to Chamberlain, who's like. Scooping. Chamberlain's got a bucket full of shit that he's walking up the stairs and throwing into the pond. Plastic bag on his hand. Yeah. It's like. Ugh.

Coming back downstairs. Getting back into love and lust. He's got the bucket with one hand. He's got the book open with the other hand. Like, hmm. He looks at the camera and says, eh, it's a living. Billy comes back in from his shit. What are we talking about? Yeah. Did any. You just decided that you were going to live in a living room with a room full of monsters right next to you? Yeah. With a sign on it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I've been trapped in a box for 90 years. What's your excuse? Well, I grew up on the streets of one of the roughest cities in the world. Billy is an eternal fairy who doesn't remember past two weeks ago. And Ving's dad killed his mom. So we don't have super high expectations of the world. Have you ever heard of a broken home? I come from one. And Mears leans into the circle and goes, My dad farms mud and a frog ate my hand. And Perel goes, All right, that's fair. That's fair.

And he, I'll think about this because, and he reaches into one of the pockets on his coat and pulls out the red book. He goes, Because I've got this baby. What's that? Oh, you got the real version of the ghost book. Oh, cool. Yeah. I saw this laying around. I didn't think you needed it anymore. Oh, that's cool. That's weird. You definitely shouldn't take stuff that's not yours. I take it back. Can I have the journal full of my memories, please? Absolutely. Here you go. Thank you so much.

And he goes, Was that so hard? It wasn't. Just to ask. It's just, I'm sorry. I'll get used to it. Two-way street. You're right. I'll work on it, but I'll also work on that. And he points at the danger room. And Mears goes, Okay, whatever. Magic stuff. Who cares? But he's also flexing his hand. On the other hand, Oh, yeah. We all know. It's metal now. It's metal. We're great. I've got a magic hand. It looks really cool. You've been using it pretty hard all night.

You guys, you didn't hear anything, did you? We need to get oil on that thing, man. Yeah. Just like, All fucking night. You sound like a shopping cart in there, pal. We can hear you. I went into the entry. I thought it would be fine. What the fuck are you talking about? This is all one room. You went two feet away from where I was sleeping. We all sleep in a fanny pack, pal. And he goes, Okay. Noted. Perel, you work on the additional rooms.

And in the meantime, we're going to figure out where we're going to go. Yeah. And he points at the map. And he points at the map in a normal Sean voice. And so this is the map that we have. Um, Amir's how far away away from the coast. Uh, and he like puts his thumb, like he's basically measuring with his thumb. And he's like, I'm seven days. But I mean, like seven days. Jesus. But I mean, travel's not going to be difficult anymore. Like, look at this thing. I guess so.

We're going to travel in comfort wherever we go. We're going to have each other and we're going to have Francis in a kitchen. Eventually not a room full of monsters. We can go anywhere we want. Well, I guess I asked. Billy, I'm like, Billy, do you know of any? Because you want to go to like a summertime vacation town. Do you know if there are any like vacation towns on the coast? Um, are you going to answer? Because if you are, you got a spout for two to six plus intelligence.

Oh, thank God in heaven. I thought that was the one. It just made it with a seven to nine on Spout Lore. I tell you something interesting. It's up to you to make it useful. But I'm going to flip that around on you. We're going to talk about a place that you're going to. Come up with like, you know, name, location, all that sort of stuff. But there's something that you don't know about it. Like, it's basically going to be like something is wrong with your information. Okay.

Well, I know some of the fancier halflings like fancy Billy. They would go away for the summertime. And then they would go back to the shores of this beach. And I always heard stories about them coming back and being like, yeah, we ate all these like weird foods and we got to sleep in these really nice log cabins. And, um, there's Sandy beaches and the water was so blue and I always wanted to go there. And it's a lagoon off the sea of graves. And it's called crystal Bay. And there's the water.

I don't even know. I just really want to see it. Yeah. Let's go. Wait, let's go there. Where's the, where the halfling land over here? Oh, Jesus. Oh, what? Well, I guess it's kind of on the way to going to deal with that. Yeah. You're like leaving the mountains and going like an easier way. And I mean, like that. Yeah, there could be there could be river travel and stuff along that way. Like a tram, a tram. Yeah. Like it could be like there's a tram that you can get on around here.

That makes it easier to get that way. That's like a remnant of the wizard times. Sick. And is that from crystal Bay? Yeah, it goes. Well, it goes. Yeah. To crystal because that's the rich people. Oh, the rich halflings take the tram from near the holds up his bag of 400 gold. Like Billy, you want to go to crystal Bay? I do. We're going to crystal Bay. There's a tram that goes up to crystal Bay. No, no, no. We got to walk. Okay. That's where we're going to end it for today.

My name is Sean O'Hara. I'm your game master with me as always playing fat Billy, the halfling thief, Jessica tie. Goodbye. Playing being the half elf druid, Paul offers vacation and playing Tacoma dome, the barbarian Abdul Aziz. I'm going to get us when soon. Thank you to Aaron Reed for the intro and outro music. Thanks to Wes for all the technical stuff. Thanks to Abdul for all the editing. Thanks to Paul and Carl for having us in their beautifully cozy home.

Uh, thank you to all our Patrion supporters versus sporting the show. And thank you to you for listening. See you next time. And so ends the tale of adventures. Three who tried the best they can. Dumb and scared and lost. They be for times of breast in. And though our journey may be like a conclusion. We will not leave you without a resolution. Return next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores. And for you, I'd gladly. About. Long. Long. Long. You