Episode 9 – The Vault

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape, and wields a spear with great might Peely's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends, and listen close For the tale's about to start Welcome to Spout Lore everybody, my name is Sean O'Hara I'm your Game Master, and with me as always, playing Fat Billy the Halfling Thief Jessica Tai Hello Playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian Abdulaziz Hello And playing Ving the Half-Elf Druid Paul Oppers Hello When last we left our heroes, they had left the town of Pinewood in a state A positive or negative state, who can say?

Well it's definitely different now It's definitely different, their lake is now made of magic wine instead of water Which you know?

At first I thought it was a little bit weird I mean right now sounds pretty cool Yeah Yeah And then they traveled a bit through the principalities, through the Pinewood, or the Firefield principalities And came to camp at a traveler's shrine And met some people from a place that we have determined is called Panusia To the east of the principalities And met some guys named Trevor, and some guys named Jordan, and a guy named Kyle No wait, just Trevor and Jordan Yeah we shared our dinner with some travelers on the way home Yeah we shared our dinner with some travelers on the way home Yeah we shared our dinner with some travelers on the road Some classic road stuff Just road stuff, just road bros We shared the news Yeah, got some news there's been a lot of displaced halflings lately Yeah Cause there's been some flooding Yeah they're kinda like refugees Yeah they're like climate refugees No, my boys Yep Who knows what the situation's like but a bunch of halflings have decided not worth it, we're outta here And They're very much tied to the land so it must be bad Yeah it's gotta be pretty rough And we also found out that the halflings are not worth it Yeah And we also found out that the halflings are not worth it Yeah And we also found out that the halflings are not worth it Yeah And we also found out that the halflings are not worth it Yeah And And And And And And And And And strong breeze you can smell it yeah you're like oh they're all around yeah but cabbage is going I thought existed just before they do but maybe you're getting the idea that maybe not in these numbers climate change yeah yeah also like maybe some of the shit that we fucked up with the animals in spirit world yeah they're a little invasive they're taking advantage and then you guys in investigated the fanny pack that you recovered and we ever got his arm stuck in there and the bag was unfolded to reveal a tent we thought it was a forever bag but it's actually a forever house it's a forever worm well a treasure worm it was a treasure worm inside of which you found 400 bucks too much stuff yeah 400 gold coin yeah and then ving found for ving yeah it's vings billy found a ruby and I found a fucking flashlight uh which is now hanging yeah the pig got a flashlight now and you opened another section in the tent bag to reveal a sitting room and a small kitchenette it appears and a portrait of a wizard you imagine you assume named morris wadge master of arcane architecture yeah and perel fucking perel does not seem to like this guy one bit yeah he's like this fucking asshole how do you know him so we yeah we cut to the sitting room of the bag home what are we gonna call this thing it's a forever tent the forever tent um and perel is yeah staring at this portrait hey how do you know that guy we ran in the same circles so to speak she gets date no whoa no something I'm a wizard I had very little time for romantic entanglements not interested in morris oh so arrogant just unbelievable he you know a lot of wizards tend to specialize in a in a field of study and morris decided that architecture was the way for him to go oh I can build things that stand the test of time oh yes who cares about frogs perel people need homes blah blah blah so long story short he's a dick was a dick I guess look who's still alive mori ving pushes his hand through Perel's face.

Okay, point made. I whisper to Billy, I'm like, there's definitely like, there's some like history in the relationship. Oh, I know, that's what I mean. He won't tell us. Yeah. Probably because he's embarrassed because look at that hairline receding all the way back and that neck beard. It's true. Looks bad. Hey, Perel, it looks bad. Yeah, Perel. I know. If you fuck this guy, you have terrible taste in dudes. Yeah, this guy has a really cool house. Look at your house. This is a shit-filled box.

And Perel disappears. Oh, fuck. Wait, come back. He huffs. He goes like, and then he, gone. No, oh no. And Mirrors, actually you noticed that while you were talking to Perel for this extended period of time, Mirrors was frozen in place. Time stop? Cool. We can use that later. Yeah. And so Mirrors keeps walking. He's like, this is amazing. Can you, have you ever seen, do you guys, do you deal with this kind of stuff a lot? I mean, we're starting to.

Yeah, not this specifically, but like, you know. One time, Ving, Ving and us met this golden elk. What? On top of a mountain. It was crazy, man. And, there were a bunch of little potato men there. Tuck is so bad at telling stories. It sounds like he's making it up. Even though this is a thing that actually happened. Yeah, Mirrors is nodding like, uh-huh. Uh-huh. Okay. All right. I'm gonna go check out the kitchen. I'm not lying. I, okay. Hey, Mirrors, he's not lying. Okay, Billy. Hey, hey now.

You think you can talk down to me? I guess you can. I'm not. It happened. Anyways, he's trying to get around you guys, and he's like, no, just believe me. Just listen.

You know, actually, now that I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, It's thing on julie's a little bit yeah should I do a trap expert I mean you can do it whenever you want yeah well fuck yeah okay unless you guys don't want me no no do it um 2d6 plus dexterity I got 12 oh wow crush that roll so that's three blood brothers what are you doing there what is that symbol you're making yeah that was cool okay oh is billy doing that billy's doing gang signs but he doesn't know what gangs they're for they're just gangs that he's seen in the world what is this I don't know okay at all uh yeah on your okay so on a 10 plus you hold three yeah spend your hold as you walk through the area to ask these questions okay billy walks around hand on chin and he's like hmm which chin the littlest the first chin so he's he asks what else is hidden here oh jessica you're all sneaky ones such a billy way to billy does find another couple snaps obviously yeah finds another couple snaps across from the entrance to this room there's more snaps and uh billy just opens them well wait wait wait wait yeah you should ask another question yeah um is there a trap here and if so what activates it yes there is a trap and it is activated by opening these snaps well balls okay so what what does the trap do when I activate it I think what it is is that you notice like written above where the snaps are it says like guest quarters but you just peek a tiny bit through with your tiny little fairy hands you look put your little eye through the hole and you see movement you're like that is not a guest room whoa so you get the idea that if you open this without the right not authorization but like kind of authorization like unless you have the right clearance code or something like that some sort of password or whatever it opens into a different way more dangerous room oh yikes cool danger room forever danger room yeah well it's good that we know all the dangerous stuff is there so we don't have to worry about any other place cool yeah so as it's stands you're like oh we shouldn't try and go in any other rooms until we learn more well darn so I rifle around for some paper do I find some maybe in your bag not here there's no paper here I don't know there's like a book on a table okay I take well I open it what's the book what's just a novel what's the name of it jesus fuck abdul no we gotta know okay uh uh it's called um um um bibliomancy in the modern world um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um Nobody go in this room.

This is the danger room. Yeah. Great. Okay. So you have this room. That's what you know. You have this room. It's got a small kind of kitchen area. It smells delicious. Mears is cooking up something awesome. Just cooking up a storm. A red Thai curry. Has Mears gone through the different cabinets? It's a lot of like staples. There's a lot of like beans and oats and stuff, and most of them are spoiled. He's like, I don't think there's any usable food here, but we have our rations. Okay.

I am really hesitant to be in here. Okay. Mears, I take your face in my hands. Okay. Why are you narrating this? Because I am climbing up the counter to do it, and I'm just warning you. Now I can take your face into my hands. Okay. I look you in the eyes, and I ask, Mears, what are you so worried about? Why don't you trust us? It's not that I don't trust you. It's that I don't trust magic or wizards or that whole sort of zone. It's scary. Wizards ruined the world.

I mean, yeah, that's one theory about it. Okay. Sure. I'm pretty young. I'd say I don't know everything about the world, but I do know that anytime I've encountered magic personally, people have gotten hurt. Like when? Ving was killed. Right. Holds up hand. The willow, the wisps in the forests around Mudlark frequently led people to their deaths. Mm-hmm. I lost a hand to a big frog. Magic frog. Magic frog.

Hey, it's fine to be scared of this kind of stuff, but nothing interesting is ever going to happen to you if you never hang out in a forever tent or try and make a deal with a frog king. Or if you never try to send that letter I saw you write to Kem, you should actually send it to him. He starts blushing. Yeah. Ellie. Ellie. Yeah. And- We cut back to earlier in the trip when Ving was reading it to the two of us. How do I miss Kem? Let me count the ways. Oh my God.

Wait, is this a poem or a letter? He can't tell. Cut back to the tent. Mears, you have to face your fears like we all do. And you don't have anything in words. I don't have anything to worry about. I point to the danger zone. We took care of it. Nothing's going to happen. Slightly bulging with movement. I feel like somebody's going to have to make a roll. Like a- Oh, yeah. Maybe defy danger charisma. Billy. Unless you're trying to convince him. I guess the danger room is taken care of. Yeah.

Fuck me. Oh my God. So many. Ooh. 13. Jesus God. You could talk him into anything. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He looks at Billy and he looks at the danger room. He goes, okay. All right. Yeah. It is pretty warm in here. Yeah. And it's dry. The rain isn't getting in somehow. There's a gas range. Is this even outside? It's inside. Inside what? Our hearts. What? And I go outside. I get Francis and I bring him inside.

You bring Francis in? Yeah. Yeah. I don't want to be out in the rain. It's hard going getting him through the front room, but you do make it work. And you feel it actually moves a little bit like the tent kind of works with you. Okay. And but it's tight. Like Francis is like, but eventually he pads inside. He's getting mud all over the place and dripping all over because he's coming to shaggy fur. Yeah. And you're all just kind of in this weird tent. I start a fire. In the little burning stove.

Yeah. And it gets pretty toasty. It's like kind of nice. It's really nice. Cool. Let's have dinner. We already ate. Again. Okay. Well, Mears fries up some eggs. Okay. If anybody wants an egg, I'm into it. Midnight snack. Yeah, I'll have four. Breakfast for dinner. Midnight snack. I'll have four eggs. Four dozen eggs. Every morning to help me get large. Fuck. Dude, I'm huge. You're roughly the I'm on a fucking keto diet. This is all I can have. Give me every egg you have. Yeah.

And then unless there's anything else you guys want to do, the night passes. Yeah. Is there like a big chaise lounge or couch or something I can sleep on? None of the furniture in here is big enough for Tuck. But the floor is fairly comfortable. Fine. I sleep on the floor next to Francis. Yeah, you can lean against Francis. He's really toasty. No, I cuddle into him. Yeah. He's like, great. Can I do communion of whispers tonight? Yeah, totally.

Rest and do a thing and just I would like to see if there's any spirits in the tent. All right. I mean, I'm not against it. Do we think that this tent zone exists in okay. Let's talk about magic. Is this tent part of a singular thing that exists in the real world or does it open into an alternate place? Yes, I like alternate place. Yeah, it's not part of our universe. It's a different vibration. I like a different vibration. Yeah. Yeah, or or something else. Cool. Yeah, I'm into that. Oh, Lord.

Okay. Fuck. Five. We spent five. Nice. How is it that Jessica is the only one that succeeds? It's because I have the good dice. I was doing really good last game. Share those. On a miss, the vision is upsetting, frightening, or traumatizing. You sit in the middle of the tent and you're like attempting to commune with whatever spirit. It's might exist in this tent. And I think that's, I think that's the problem is this isn't connected to the natural world.

This is a whole different space that was like created by a wizard. So you open yourself up in the same way and you are just filled with dread and emptiness and void. And that feeling sucks really bad because Bing is used to being filled with like spirits of the natural world. And now you're filled with nothing. Oh, okay. Wow. Yeah. The aching coldness inside. Yeah. And maybe he hears like the distant whispers of like the creatures that exist in the nothing space. Yeah. What's in there?

Things that are trapped. Yeah. They're just like skittering. Feels like a chittering inside your mind. So negative one. Negative one. Due to depression. Due to being sad. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It stays with you. Yeah. Like this like chittering sound is just in your mind. Yeah. And that's how Bing spends like the night. Like you're just trapped with this feeling. And everybody else is toasty. Billy's sleeping in a cupboard or whatever the hell. Oh, yeah.

He pulled out a drawer. He's got a bed in a drawer. Yeah. So close. Yeah. He feels good. Yeah. Mears is sleeping on a couch. Tuck is sleeping on a pig. You know, just life. Kicking it with your bros. Sleeping on a pig. And in the morning, Mears makes you a nice breakfast. And do you just set out? Are you like, all right. We fold the tent. Oh, yeah, for sure. We snap it back up. Yeah. Like you grab an edge basically and lift it off the ground and it goes. It folds back up into a.

You know how when you try and fold a tent back together, you're like, it's, it's, you can't get it right. It's like always too big for the bag. Yeah. So it's like bulging. Fuck. How did this fold up? There's like a plate that's trying to force its way. Like, ah, shit. There's always something sticking out of it, like a fucking chair leg. Mears, did you not close that cupboard? All the plates are falling out, you idiot. And the Panusians are gone. Oh, okay. And what else is gone? Uh-oh. Our cart?

No, not your whole cart. That would be too big. The money? Did those fucking Panusians steal our money? I feel like that's too much. They did take something, though. What did they take? What were you keeping in the cart? The lantern's gone. Oh, yeah. Your bullseye lantern's gone. Did they take my fucking flash? No. He loves it. Oh. Son of a bitch. Yeah, you go to the cart and the hook that it was hanging on is empty and they took the hook. So fucking… Mears is like, okay, I mean, that sucks.

It's not a huge loss, though, so… Should we get moving? Fine. You hop on the cart and it's just like another, you know, another night of traveling, so unless there's anything anybody wants to do at night… The one thing I want to do while we're on the road is I want to gain some insight into Perel using my new move for the Blood God. Maybe I'll say that without perfect. For the Blood God. Okay. Sure. So that means that you're just gonna, like, what, chat it up with Larry, Terry, and Chad?

Yeah. So for the Blood God, it says you are initiated in the old ways, the ways of sacrifice. Choose something your gods value, gold, blood, bones, or the like. When you sacrifice those things as per your rites and rituals, roll plus wisdom on a 10-point roll. Plus, the GM will grant you insight into your current trouble or a boon to help. So the way that we constructed this was I commune with the spirits through the axe. By smashing stuff.

By, like, yeah, doing, like, a flash dance style, like, axe thing in the woods or something. And smashing a bunch of shit with it. Yeah. And then… Is that your sacrifice? And the sacrifice is, like, all of the things I'm destroying. Yeah. 2d6 plus wisdom. Seven. Seven. Okay, cool. So you… They do take of your flesh as well. So I hurt myself. You hurt yourself really bad. Yeah. Roll a d6. Now it's a six. This is the highest number I've rolled today. Yeah. This will deal with armor, probably.

So it's a five instead. But you swing your axe… You're smashing your stuff in the woods. And you swing your axe really hard and you hit a rock way harder than you expected to and you pull your shoulder really bad. Shit! Fuck! Fuck! But Larry, Terry, and Chad are like, Hey, man, sorry. How are you? Sorry about that. From far away, someone's like, Are you okay? I'm fine! He's fine. Hey, sorry, man. What's going on? Hey. How are you guys doing? Oh, we're doing pretty… Being an axe…

Rules, man! It's been so nice hanging out with you and your buds. Yeah, man. I'm so happy we could bring you guys back. I guess we're, like, physical now, huh? What do you think? What do you think of the real world? It's… Everything's really… It smells bad, man. Everything smells like something here. Yeah. I don't like it, but I like being an axe. Yeah. I like getting whipped around. Yeah. It's exciting. Yeah. As a rock, we barely moved at all. Now we're getting whipped around like crazy.

Whip me around. I whip him around. Yeah! I do a pretty, like, lazy, like, whip. Hell yeah! Oh, man! Woo! Can I do another one? No, okay. All right, that's enough. Are you sick? I'm a little sick. I'm fine. I'm fine. If you guys want to keep going, I'm good to go. No, I think we should stop. I'm getting tired. So what do you need, man? When I'm commuting with them, does it, like, does everything slow down like it does with Perel? Three rocks appear in the sky and look down from the clouds. Okay.

What need you, our brother? No, it's… Pretty good. I like that. Yeah. All right, fine. Then it's like a Lion King thing. You can see that outline of three rocks in the sky. So cool. Tacoma, our brother, what can we do for you? Hey, I'm trying to figure out if I could trust Perel. What do you think? Who? The wizard, the guy that's in the stone box. Can you, like, look inside there because you're stone too and, like, tell me what he's up to? Oh, that thing. No, we've tried.

It is a different situation. Fuck. You know, Wardstone is like, yeah, Wardstone. Can they get a sense of what's happening in there? I mean, yeah. Does he seem cool? Yeah, yeah, he seems awesome, but I don't, I just want to make sure he's not trying to fuck us over. Well, I mean, looking at the stone, we can see that it is, it's strong, you know? The stone. What the fuck are you guys doing? I'm just saying, like, you've dealt with the guy, right? With the wizard? Yeah. And he seems okay?

Yeah, he seems okay. Has he tried to fuck you before? No. Hmm. Okay. Does it seem like he would have a reason to want to fuck you? No, not really. Tuck's flexing his arms. I don't know. You tell me, buddy. Um, then, yeah, that's, I mean, like, you know, we can try and keep an eye out because, I mean, now that we're spirits and now that we're around, like, we can perceive so much more than we used to be able to. Yeah, keep an eye out for stuff.

So, like, because at this point, you've kind of just been giving me, like, loose advice. Not so much for the blood god type stuff, but, like, kind of the kind of thing that, like, a guy at a, like, 7-Eleven would tell me, you know? Yeah, it's, it's almost like you asked three rocks in an axe what they know about an unimaginably powerful ghost man. And we're like, hey, this is your shit, right? And we were like, not really. And you were like, that's bullshit.

And we're still trying to fucking help you. All right, fair enough. Just keep an eye out for any weird shit. Yeah. If you notice anything, tell me. Fucking, yeah, man. Okay, cool. Okay, hey. What's up? It's been real. Yeah. And whip him around one more time. Yeah. And the clouds drift away. So, what a weird move I took. That was awesome. So, they have granted you a boon that will become clear at some point. Cool. But they're, but they're basically, they're keeping an eye out to help.

They want to help you and they're going to try. Yeah. Cool. Anything else that, Bing's still doing his, like, spirit man thing, right? You're still, Bing is still looking for a spirit animal. Yeah, like every night sort of commuting or with this vision, does he, has he still been doing that? He's kind of lost his hope a little bit right now. Oh, no. Yeah, he's, there's no point, there's nothing out there. Maybe he thinks, well, maybe he'll, he'll never find the spirit animal. Maybe he's lost it.

So, he's, he's definitely despondent and feeling very useless. Whoa. And pointless. Yeah. So, he's just kind of bummed out. The emptiness, the emptiness of the, when he tried to contact that wizard's world and, like, imbue with that spirit and he contacted just a great nothingness, it's definitely affected him. Yikes. Okay. What's Billy been up to? Ooh, you know, sleeping in his drawer that he loves. He also has been sneaking off to the danger zone to, like, peer more into it. Whoa.

When no one's looking. What's in there? Or what's he seen? He sees some books. Ooh. The table. The table. Some glass instruments. Whoa. Spooky in there. Shadow. Whoa. Mm. Okay. Then, yeah, I mean, a couple days pass and that's pretty much the most interesting stuff that happens. Mm-hmm. Do you find any cool books in the thing? It's mostly novels. Like, this is, like, there's a small bookshelf. Like, it's waist high, maybe three feet across and it's mostly, yeah, fiction. It's like a cottage.

Kind of, yeah. Light reading. Light reading. Okay. I'm flipping through the books every night. Yeah. There's some pretty cool fiction here. Like what? There's, like I said, there's that adventure novel that's just, like, classic adventure. There's one where someone actually goes to the stars. Oh, wow. Cool. Yeah. And there's, like, crazy adventures in the stars and there is a couple romance novels of varying kinds. There, you know, just normal fiction fare. Is there any magazines?

Yeah, there's, what's it, Mud Digest and Golf Weekly or something. Mud? Mud Affairs and Golf Night. What was the one you were going to say? Shadow Lane. Shadow Lane. It's called S-H-A-T. Yeah. Shadow Lane. It's going to say Shadow Lane. Shadow Lane. Yeah, it's like a, it's like a thief's magazine. It's all the, all the most recent thief. Oh, trickery is spiced up. Yeah. Oh, Billy, here, is there anything in here you, can you read? I can't, but are there pictures? Yeah. Super cool pictures.

Oh, sick. I take it over to my corner. To Billy's drawer. Yeah. Shut the door. But, Tuck, as you're handing it over, you really, it doesn't matter to Billy, but it's like 10 years old. The magazine? The magazine. It's from 10 years ago. You're like, oh, okay, well. This guy has to fucking renew his subscription or whatever. A couple, a couple more days pass. The rains get pretty bad for a couple of those days, but you got the forever tent, so. Thank fuck we have this waterproof tent.

Yeah, it's amazing. It's crazy that water doesn't leak into the liminal spaces between universes. And after a couple days, Mears, you're driving the tent and Mears goes, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. And he hops down and you're on like sort of the edge of a pond, like a decently sized pond. Like, what's a good pond, you know? Like a gold stream park, maybe? Yeah. Like there's no sand on the shore. It's all like grass and bulrushes and stuff.

And Mears runs up to the edge of the pond and he parts some bulrushes and there's a clump of orange flowers. Whoa. Cool. That's compass roses. Yep. He's like, oh, this has got to be it. And he looks and you see in the middle of the pond, there's like a small, soggy looking island and on it sits a little shack. That's the vault? I guess this is it. I think we're here. What do we do? What? What? You don't know? Why are you asking us? I, um, no, you're right. I know. I know what to do.

He's like straightening out his clothes and he's like, okay, let's go. You walk out into the pond, you get maybe three meters off the edge and it's like you're walking right back up onto the land. Oh. And your brain's like fucking flip for a second because you're like, this was not the direction we were going. But so you walk in and you're walking right back out. Oh, you're walking out. Oh, we're walking out of the water. You're walking into the water and you walk right back out. Whoa.

Without turning around. It's just like, bam, we're walking away. And Mirrors goes, ah, it happened to everybody, right? Yeah. Yeah. Discern realities. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Do it. Uh, plus my wisdom. Well, who, who, three questions from discern realities. What should I be on the lookout for? What's, uh, here's not what it appears to be and what's useful. What I will answer first is what here is not what it appears to be.

And, um, on the edge, like a little bit down the edge of the pond, you see, um, a duck kicking its little feet in the water, kind of like swimming back and forth. And, um, it dives under every once in a while to get some, whatever ducks eat and it pops back up and it looks at you and it goes, that's not going to work. Do you know how we can get to the shack? Ah, it takes a little bit of doing. What kind of doing? It's like, uh, you know, you can't want it so bad. Hmm.

Uh, so what this is doing is it's keeping out people who want to go to it that want, that want to like get to the, the vault really bad. You know what I mean? So it's sort of like a mental thing. Huh? Yeah. That's interesting because I don't give a shit if we really get in there. Who here cares if we actually get into the vault? I don't even want to go. I never wanted to come here at all. We're kind of being forced to do this.

So which one of us is actually like desperate to get in there and then we all look at mirrors? What do you want me to do? Why don't you stay on shore? Oh, okay. If you think that's going to work, I'll just, I'll stay here with the duck, I guess. So mirrors is just standing on the shore. Yeah. And I, yeah, I guess everybody, it'll be a defy danger, maybe wisdom. It's like a mind thing. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So, because we're all trying to convince the pond that we don't care. Yeah, exactly. Okay.

Yeah. So yeah, 2d6 plus wisdom. I got four. Teen. I got seven. Um, so Ving is like master of placidity. It's just like, all right. Yeah. Empty your mind. He's full of emptiness. That, that tracks. I like that. He's using that emptiness. So he's just like, I don't give a shit about anything. Nothing matters. Stay. Go. Yeah. Cut my life into pieces. And then he just walks into the pond. So emo. He's, yeah, he's restyled his hair. So it's like kind of like over one eye. Yeah.

So yeah, Ving, you pass. I put some muck under my eyes. Dark eyed. This is, this is dank, dank Ving. Dark Ving. Dark Ving. Dark Ving duck. Dark Ving duck. Dark Ving and duck. Dark Ving and duck. Uh, so yeah, Ving walks right past. You walk past the point that you were not supposed to be able to walk past and you wade further into the thing. That's right. Billy, however, what do you think Billy fucks up? Uh, I think Billy ate really recently. And he gets like cramps.

And so he just can't make it because of the cramps. So Billy's just stuck on the edge of the pond. Yeah. Yeah. But with cramps. Yeah. So. Owie. What? Did you like wait 45 minutes? No, definitely not. Sorry. So Billy doesn't make it out or make it through and something happens it was a failure, right? So. He gets really bad diarrhea. Am I allowed to choose that? Yeah, sure. Diarrhea. Yeah. It's a debility to dexterity. Yeah. He gets a lot of diarrhea. You could see a cloud. Oh my God.

This is the most openly diarrhea this show's been so far. So Billy's just. Fine. Fuck. He goes into those like bull rushes or whatever. Just is like screaming and tugging on the. We. All right. He's like my butt. And then he. He's like. Oh, I wiped it with poison. I. Oh my God. Oh no, Billy. I can't tell. We're on the inside. We're so concerned. Yeah. But we can't do anything about it. So Billy's got a minus one to dexterity ongoing until you solve your diarrhea troubles. Okay. Yeah.

So Billy's stuck on the weeds. All right. Tuck seven to nine. Yeah. Hmm. Yeah. Yeah. What do we. What do you. What do you think catches like why do you think Tuck partially fails this probably because he as he's like following thing he's like like I wonder if like I'm like I'm me like pretty ladies in there. So maybe it's gonna be like pretty lady or something like I should think about like a poem. So he starts to like psych himself up. Get excited. About being in there in a weird way.

He's like, oh, what if I like he gets really in his own head about it where he's like, what if there's like a lady in there? It's like she's like a lady like that, like wants you to like to do sex. Oh, yeah. Well, yeah. What if like a lady of the lake comes out? Lake Lady. Yeah. Oh, so I think what happens is since it's a seven to nine. He's like, maybe she'll be my wife. His boner gets caught up in the water. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay that's the last one that's one of diarrhea and the duck is like swimming back and forth like please get him out of here this is awful I'll stay out here to make sure Billy's okay you go inside I'm fine so you yeah you walk a little bit further out I think this is like you get to a point where it becomes a bit more of a classic test of of the hero's intelligence where great this is gonna go awesome the water you like you hit a wall in the water basically and the water is just hard at a certain point but you feel it and it moves around no it's just hard water it's not cold it's just doesn't move and you move and you feel it kind of arc a little bit with the edge of the pond but your hand dips in on one side and you realize it's a maze cool yeah in the water and you can't get out of the water like you if you put your hands on it and you try and lift yourself out you can't pull yourself out of the water let's enter the maze yeah so this is just gonna be a oh Ving takes a bull rush and busts it open uses the fluff and leaves a trail fluff behind him on the top of the water okay yeah I guess it does not float around because the water's still yeah it bumps up against the edges of the wall yeah it floats a little bit and then stops and floats it back a little bit and stops so this is gonna be a defy danger intelligence eight okay awesome um on a seven to nine on a partial success um I think it's the usual like you you can do it but um you're gonna leave something behind like kicking through this the water in this pond is very difficult so there's a lot of thrashing around anything Ving's comfortable with leaving behind well I mean it doesn't matter you gotta leave something behind what about if there's all of his poultices and stuff okay yeah so you you kind of you bump up against one of the walls uh in the water and the bag with your herbs and it gets mushed and you see it kind of spread out in the potter the water of the pond my herbs bro uh but you do you swim this like very weird circuitous route in the pond and you make your way through there's a trail of bull rush fluff and you think that'll maybe help you get back through if you need to go back which is great but that that's like you forced your way through you forced your way through you forced your way through all of these puzzles, soggy and bleeding a little bit, and internally and mentally warped, you make your way to the edge of this shack, and there's just a rotted wooden door hanging off the hinges, and you're allowed entry, basically.

I'll go in the vault. Mirrors, do you have any words of advice for me? Maybe tell them that I'm here. Maybe just, yeah, let them know that Mirrors the Great is here. No, just say Mirrors, they'll know. You still have the letter that he wrote, right, to Kim? No, don't do that. Just show them the letter. They'll recognize his handwriting. Sure, yeah. Don't do that, please. So you open the door to the shack, and there is a little slide. Sure. There's a slide in the… There's a… Whee!

There's steps dug into the floor, and next to it is a little slide, and you slide down. Whoop. And you slide down below what you believe is the water level of the pond. Not surprising. You stand up, and there is a very surprisingly wide open area dug out underneath this pond.

There's stone pillars and a stone floor that extend for probably 100 feet in either direction in this square shape, and around the edges, the pillars are evenly spaced, maybe 30 feet to a pillar, so it's this sort of echoey chamber. Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello! And every wall in this place, like wall to wall, it's all beautiful stained glass, and there's a light coming from behind it almost. Is it depicting anything, or is it just colors?

It's depicting battles of various kinds, forces of light and darkness, you know, the classic. There's a lot of a green rose, a green rose, a green rose, a robed figure, and various robed figures here and there. Do I recognize any of the figures? No, you don't recognize anybody. But you get the idea that they're all supposed to be wizards of varying shapes and sizes. There's humans, elves, dwarves, orcs, races that you don't recognize.

Is there any part that stands out, like to an entrance or a door? Is there any way I should head? As you walk in, you walk a little bit further in, and you hear behind you, oh, you've made it. And you turn around, and there is a, a six foot tall figure completely made of stained glass. And they say, I am Chamberlain. Do you have the box? Kind of. Please explain. Well, we have the box, but I'm the only one who made it. Oh. But you come with others. Yes, Mears is here. Ah, the young Mears.

You know, Mears, this is, this is, roses are apples, and apples are orange, violets are purple, and I like cameras. Damn. This piece of shit. You know this guy? I have heard. Yeah. And the stained glass hands reach out and like, ask for, like they gesture for the letter. He hands it over. And, you gotta see this thing. And the figure opens it, and it's like, it's a stained glass face, like it's got the like leaded lines, but it moves like, like with facial features. Beautiful.

And it's, you see the eyes moving back and forth. And they look back up at you and go, this is awful. Yeah. I know. But this is Mears. And they hand the letter back. They go, one moment. And, back on the shore, Tuck, are you just in the water? I went back to hang out with Billy. Okay, yeah. I don't, fuck, you are having awful diarrhea. I can't just leave you. I said I was fine. I know. And it was done. I, but I heard it start up again. I'm so embarrassed. Billy looks away.

He has nothing further to say. Swirling the diarrhea in the water with his feet. Billy, well, that's part of the reason why I went back, is to get him at least out of the water. It's fucking full of diarrhea. I'm going to catch the plague, bud. And Mears is like, are you, Billy, are you okay? Do you want some, do you want some turmeric? That should, this might help. We're, we're on the shore and I'm, I'm wiping his butt like a baby. You don't have to do this. I can do it myself.

Billy, I let you try, and do it yourself. And you just swirled water, the diarrhea water. Well, I don't know. Like, it's everywhere. And I was trying to get off my hands. And I went back on my hands. And as you're all standing there, you're talking and then you turn and the water in the pond has moved away and created a walkway that goes straight to the shack. Like it's just firm on either side. Is that for us? Yeah, I, I suppose it would be. Okay. Mir's hustles forward.

He's like, wait, I'll go first. Yeah, do it. Yeah. And he like, he's like straightening out his clothes and he's like, okay, let's go. And he, he's padding across the pond. Come on. Way too eager. Come on. I honestly, I should have made it in there first. Okay. That's fine. Yeah. I waddle. Billy, hurry up. I can't. Burns. And yeah, you three come and meet Ving. Me and Chamberlain are comparing our hands. Cause they're very like, beautiful, crystal-y glass and mine are a different sort of. Yes.

Mine are the work of eons of magical innovation and yours are terrifying. I've never met Ian. Who is this Ian? Just blank faced. Ah, your friends have arrived. Hey. Yeah. There's like a six foot tall. This is Chamberlain. Is this your house? No, this is the vault. It's nice. Is he in a state in a window or what? No, he's like, he's walking around. 3D. Just a, stained glass, like mannequin, basically walking around, like standing in front of you. 3D completely.

It's like a suit of armor, basically made out of stained glass with a face. And there's like a bright light coming from within them. Wow. What are you? I am Chamberlain. What's your job? I attend this place. Before whatever happened to my master happened to my master. I aided them. And now I aid the menders. Who was your master? My master was a magician of consumption. He had a considerable skill and they gave me life and I aided them in their magical experiments and. Thaumaturgical operations.

And when they left, I carried on and the menders eventually came to find this place and I continue to serve. Oh, you're a Golem. In such crude terms, perhaps. But if that helps you understand, then yes, I am a Golem. Anyways, I understand that you have an object for me. Uh, no, we were told to bring the object here. No one fucking knows. No one fucking told us to give it to a glass man. I am Chamberlain. I maintain the vault. They did not tell us about you.

You understand all that we've been through with this box. We can't just hand it over. You have to give us some sort of insurance. Or at least fucking bring some menders out here for us to talk to. I am the only one here. I maintain the vault. Are you fucking serious? How do we believe you? I am Chamberlain. I serve. I am Chamberlain. Please, hand over the artifact and it will be safe. No way. Yeah, what's Jessica doing? Discern realities. Okay, yeah, sure, sure. Discern realities works.

2d6 plus wisdom. Yeah, I'm very wary of this guy. I hate these dice. Fuck! What, you traded dice with somebody? Four! No, I just grabbed them. Okay. Four. Mark a point of experience. They're… Well, I mean, that's not even… Yeah, actually, you know what? Billy doesn't trust Chamberlain at all. That's your failure. Is you believe Chamberlain is trying to kill you? I believe Chamberlain is trying to trick you. All right. I tug on the… I tug on Vig's leg. Hey, I don't trust this dude.

He seems super shady. We should get out of here. What? What? I mean, this is… Mures led us here too. Chamberlain speaks up and says, I understand that you have gone through much hardship to bring this… The box to me, to Chamberlain. To the vault. But you have been, for the most part, vetted by Maggie Cole of the Menders. You are safe within the walls of this vault. However, you can understand that that box shall not be permitted to leave.

You can have as much time as you would like here, but the box must remain. What do you plan on doing with the box? It will remain here. What's gonna happen to Perel? Perel? The being in the box. I suppose whatever being exists within that box will remain here. The wards, even now, within the presence of the vault's hotspot, are strengthening. Perel! You're just gonna call him out? Yeah, and freeze time and talk to Perel. Perel pops out and goes, Where are we? We're at the vault.

And he looks around and goes, This is… This is a hotspot. Yeah. Yeah. This is bad. For me. I'm sure you can understand. As these wards strengthen on this wardstone box, I will not be able to leave. How much time do we have before you're stuck in there? Hours, days, weeks, I don't know. Ugh. What do you think we should do? Come with us. Come with us, Perel. Yeah, that would be great. Ah! You're trying… If you're trying to convince me to not stay in prison, job done. I don't wanna be here.

What? How do we get you out? I don't know. Is there anything now that we're at the vault that is powerful enough to open the box? I don't… I can't see anything here. And Perel's like looking around like frantically and he's like, I'm already perceiving less than I've been able to since I've been with all of you. Oh, he's back to the future ring. Oh, he's fading? Yeah. And as you're all talking, Mir's is frozen, but Chamberlain steps forward. Oh! I shield Perel. Cool.

He says, I understand that you may be hesitant to hand over what you believe is your friend, but this is the magical projection of an extremely dangerous being. I was… I was in service to a wizard for centuries, and look what happened. What did happen? You're stunning. Yes, I am an amazing work of art. Okay, all right, buddy. But even my master's ambition and skill led to their eventual downfall. Okay. They left, and I have been here ever since, alone, in service.

Look, Perel has fucking helped us out so many times. You have, as long as it takes Perel to fade, to convince us that he needs to stay here. I will not convince you. I will make you. How? By any means necessary. Whoa. Whoa! What is he… What? Oh, man. Tuck gets scared. Yeah. Tuck's like, What? No. He's like, He toots a little. Yeah. He does. He like farts a little bit, and then he like, he does the thing where like, you know, you like walk into like a haunted house, and you're like, Yeah.

Stick your arms up like you're trying to defend yourself. Stick your arms up, like, and you crouch down, and you stick your butt out, and you're like, What? Plugs his ears. What is going on? You're defending yourself against the feeling of being scared. Yeah. Yeah. What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? But Chamberlain doesn't do anything.

Okay, maybe we've fallen in love with the being in the box. A little bit. He is close to us, so we don't know what to do. Do you not understand that these boxes were constructed as prisons for dangerous wizards? We understand that you believe every wizard to be dangerous. I believe every wizard to be imprisoned within a ward stone chamber to be dangerous. That was the purpose of the boxes. But you're making the implicit assumption that everyone in prison is dangerous.

Has Perel ever told you why they were imprisoned? Yeah. He said, um… The people were scared of him. Yeah, he tried a thing. He tried to save the world. And it didn't work. Yeah. He tried to save the world, and he was imprisoned for that. Well, yeah, maybe he did it, you know, he went about it the wrong way. It doesn't make him… A murderer? Perel? And he's standing there, and he looks very troubled. Perel, why were you in the prison? The… He's like, he's having trouble.

Perel, you have to fucking answer the question. We're gonna take a huge risk here and try and save you, but we need honesty. Um… Magic is very dangerous. Um… When I attempted… I… For my work, I needed help. I needed assistance. Like Chamberlain here. Chamberlain was created to aid a wizard. All good wizards need assistance from time to time. Um… Mine just so happened to take a form that ended up being a little bit more dangerous than I had expected it to be. What? Like, what?

I mean, you've encountered them before. What? The Bullywugs? Yes. Oh, that was you? That was me, yes. And, um, you know, when you create a… A species of ravenous frog warriors, occasionally blood is spilled. How much… How much blood was spilled? Enough. I just wanted to help. The Exodus was tearing the world apart. Look at it now. So much is unstable. You've experienced the instability of magic yourselves. Multiple times, I believe. I wanted to mitigate that. And I still do.

With my return, if I were to return, I will use my power and my energy to bring stability back to the world in any way that I can. Whatever scale is possible, step by step, we can rebuild the fabric of magic. What if I asked you not to do that? What do you mean? What if I asked you to swear that you wouldn't try and bring back magic? I'm a wizard, Tacoma. I am magic. And Chamberlain, like, speaks and says, this is what the Menders are attempting to do.

This is what the Menders are attempting to avoid. Beings like this, taking and making and breaking their power when and where they can. Do you understand? Uh, I take the box off, and I'm like, I turn to Perel, and I'm like, I'm sorry. It's too much of a risk. And I hand it to Chamberlain. What? And Chamberlain holds the box in their hands, and says, the logical decision. What does Perel say? Perel says, Tacoma, please. I can try and fix things. For me, for you, maybe someday for everyone.

All right, that's good enough for me. And then I, uh, so then I take the axe, which is, uh, the, like, the spirit axe, which can smash any stone, right? Uh-huh. Which includes ward stone. Uh-huh. Now, you're not gonna make some fucking rule about that last minute? Tac's already broken ward stone before. I take the axe, and I smash the box and Chamberlain. Whoa! Ugh. Fuck! Yikes. Okay. That was the test. That was the test. The test for Perel? Perel? Yeah.

I wanted to see if he would turn on us if he thought that we had betrayed him. Whoa, that's dope. Yeah. That was the point. Oh, smart, smart, smart. Sorry I almost hit you. Okay, um, okay, so give me, yeah, I guess that's a hack and slash, right? Well, I, it's hard, because, like, are you doing both things at the same time? I'm taking the axe. Yeah. And, like, Chamberlain is standing in front of me, right? Yeah. With the box.

And I take the axe and, like, kind of, like, sneak attack, like, swing it from the bottom. Yeah. So it would hit him both. Yeah, through the box and then through Chamberlain. Oh, I see. Okay, I see. Cool. Okay, so, yeah, hack and slash, 2d6 plus strength. Nine. Oh, I'll aid. I'll crystal glass. Crystal punch to the stained glass face. Yeah! Okay, so 2d6 plus bond. Oh. Ten. So, making a, making Tuck's roll a ten. Yeah. An unmitigated success. Yes. So, how does Ving aid? Um.

He talks to Larry and Chad, too, and, like, and he uses his fist. Right. He communes with them and lets them know that they're about to pass through some magical glass. He, like, really prepares them. Like, he can make them more powerful by getting them aligned with the vibration they're about to attack. And also, he's doing it in tandem. Yeah.

So, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, And also he's doing it in tandem.

So he's like punching to distract him. Okay. All right. Tacoma, give me a D10. Two. Tink. That is not great. Yeah. Damn. So Chamberlain standing there holding the box and Ving lunges forward. It's that sort of thing where you all, before Tuck even swings, the two of you know that he's going to because you fought together so often. Like you know that he's kind of tensing up. You can see the sort of micro movements that he's ready to fight. Yeah.

So just as Tuck is swinging up, Ving lunges forward. And the axe hits the edge of the Warnstone box and pushes it a little bit up. Like it moves. And you think for a second that it's not going to break. And then just crunch right through the middle. It shatters. Different pieces of work. Warnstone fly all over the room. And Chamberlain's hands are just empty.

It's surprisingly anticlimactic for a thing you've been waiting for and wondering if it would happen for weeks and weeks, months and months. But it's just crumbled on the ground. But the axe hits Chamberlain's body and just scrapes up against it. And Ving's claws dig in and just break off. Like parts break off on Chamberlain's body. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Oh. Oh. Last minute, oh, he's going to save Perel. So he kind of was mid-air for this.

And instead he lands on Chamberlain. And he's like, well, I should probably do something here. He has wild diarrhea. And Chamberlain's just standing there. Like, they almost don't know what to do. And they just look at the pile of rubble and at you and say, no. And they step forward. They grab Billy. Like, a hand comes up and grabs Billy and steps forward. And Billy, you can feel this, like, stained glass hand gripping into your flesh and reaching to the point of, like, my arm is going to break.

Like, he's grabbing you really hard. And you hear cracking as different parts of Chamberlain's body snap off into these, like, rigid jagged glass shards. And, Billy, you feel a snap as your arm breaks. And there's sounds of shattering as jagged pieces of glass start coming off Chamberlain's body. And they sort of unfold like this horrid stained glass flower covered in thorns. And they're just holding Billy up in the air. And they say, no.

And they step towards Tuck and Ving with horrible intent in their eyes. Their weird stained glass lead-lined eyes. And just as they're reaching out to Tuck and Ving, you see pieces of glass start coming off their body. And with that movement, they just crumble into a pile of multicolored sand. And standing where Chamberlain was, is Perel. And that's where we're going to end the episode. Nice. This has been Spout Lore. My name's Sean O'Hara.

I've been the Game Master with me as always, playing Fat Billy the Halfling Thief, Jessica Tai. Wow. Bye, guys. Playing Tacoma Dome, the Barbarian Abdulaziz. Goodbye. Playing Ving, the Half-Elf Druid, Paul Oppers. My mind is blown. Thank you to Wes for all the technical work, Abdul for all the editing. Thanks to Mark and MP for letting us into their home where we bother their kids, Will and Carter, all day. And thanks to Aaron Reid for the intro and outro music. Thanks to our Patreon susporters.

Susporters. For all your susport. Your susport really helps. Check us out on social media, Spout Lore most places. And thank you to you for listening. We'll see you next time. Bye-bye. And so ends the tale of adventures three who tried the best they can. Though dumb and scared and lost they be, for time's abreast in revelry. And though our journey may be like a conclusion, we will not leave you without a resolution. Return next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores.

And for you I'd gladly Spout Lore. Jessica, why do you have a knife? Oh, it was for the jerky bag. Okay. There's just a big knife on the table. And now what's it for? Billy, show me what you have. A knife!