Episode 14 – A Fire Sale on Pomegranate

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape, and wields a spear with great might Peely's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends, and listen close For the tale's about to start Hi everybody, welcome to Spellt Lore I'm your Game Master, Sean And joining me as always, playing Tacoma the Dome Tacoma the Dome Tacoma the Dome, the Bar-berry-home A Bar-berry-own, Abdulaziz Uh, hi everybody And playing Ving, the half-elf druid, Paul Oppers Hello everybody And playing Fat Billy, the halfling thief, Jessica Tai Hello everyone When last we left our heroes, things weren't great They had just left their friend slash Question mark, question mark, question mark, Allison the succubus With Ruby Tunesday of the Crystal Bay Pirates As part of their agreement In which the pirates would get Allison out of town And what started off as a way of helping a friend ended with a way of getting rid of a not friend And how's everybody feeling about that?

Uh, Tuck is very hurt, his feelings are really hurt Mhm Dealing with it like a child, which is By just telling everyone that his feelings are hurt and pouting Haha How's Ving feeling about it? He is very guarded of Tuck And also comforting Billy because Billy's feeling the loss of a slightly babysittery vibe Yeah, how's Billy feeling about it?

Yeah, he feels the loss of Allison And he is sad because he feels like we abandoned her Um, and like gave her up And he just really thinks the best of everyone And he's like They didn't see what I saw in her Yeah Other things that happened, the body of Rebecca the concierge was found drowned in the hotel room From the inside out Right Mysteries abound in a bone dry room Mhm Uh, and Perel dealt with the body by magically transmuting it slowly through the mattress Freddy Krueger style Yeah, pretty gross Freddy Prince Jr.

Style Yeah Mier set up a meeting with Jaunter of the Yeah, pretty gross Yeah, pretty gross With Jaunter of the DeSomme Creek Theater Society And a mender, apparently, uh, at a library soon-ish Mhm Where you're all supposed to meet him And Perel went off to meet Mier's and also get some clothes And give him back up while he waits for us to show up to the meeting Yeah, exactly So, that's sort of your next, the next thing on your docket is go meet Mier's and Perel and Jaunter And try to figure out what the fuck is Jaunter doing Yeah, what's his deal Yeah Oh, and Ving got his crystals under control.

Yes. And now we can hide them like a tummy symbol, like a symbol on his chest in the form of an amethyst. And how are we doing it? Well, it's a geo-style cave in your chest, which is kind of body horror-y. Yeah. It's so cool. But also, we said it also traced the lines of your scars, too. Oh, yeah. So you've got your normal hands back, but you've got these veins of crystal? Is that what it is? Yeah. Like a ribbon, like a vein within the rock. Wow. Yeah.

But it's very fluid because it's become one with his skin. Yeah. And he's in full control. So I think we decided that, or at least something that I am comfortable with, is that with your shapeshift move, you can decide to use that hold to create objects. Sweet. And young Billy had a dream into his own past where it was implied that he may have had a hand in knitting the Wittershins and the Sunwise Rivers together. Well, it wasn't implied. I… Expressly said it.

And I was the only one who knit them together. I know that. I'm just saying that the memories of an amnesiac fairy, who know? No, that is what happened. Billy knitted the rivers together an untold amount of years ago. But who else might have been there? Who can say? In the shadows, who's that? It's Jack Spratt, who eats no fat, and his wife, who eats no lean. Two new characters I've decided to introduce. Fat and lean? Yeah. A fat person and a lean person. Hi, what's up? We're fat and lean.

And this is an original song. We don't play instruments. We just make noises. Thanks for fat and lean. And everybody in the Coronetta… Fat and lean is played. On a small stage, people clap and fat and lean get off stage. So something that happens as you're coming up the beach from the Crystal Bay Pirates hideout is into the main square of Crystal Bay where the Coronetta main celebration is happening. You ran into one of the…

The dumbest and least into his job's customs officials ever because he had a handful of drawings of you guys. Right. And was looking you in the face. I was like, are you saying these people? But we were all kind of in disguise. You were in disguise. I was in disguise. I still am. You're a monster man with gills. He definitely saw you. And you're a little baby boy that is wearing a raccoon skin. Yeah.

So something that's happening right now is there are more members of the Crystal Bay customs house. Yeah. Yeah. House that are currently on the lookout for you. So you see people in their outfits. They got the tri-corner hats, the long coats. Think any villain from the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie. That's not a zombie. And they're looking around. They're asking people. They're harassing a lot of festival goers. Fuck. There's a bunch of Commander Norrington's out here. Exactly.

Commodore Norrington is in full supply. Because basically you all indirectly cost a lot of people a lot of money. And also you escape. You escaped from the custody of Jack Boot, who's like pissed. So what do you do? How do you get through this crowd without getting spotted? Well, I am in disguise. What should we? Tacoma Dome is seven feet tall. He is five feet wide. And at the very least, if he is in disguise, he is painted bone white. He is the most conspicuous person in town. Okay.

So that's not going to get you through. They're at least going to approach you because they're like, let's go. Look, let's go ask that human landmark if they saw anything. Well, we won't know until we roll. That's true. I feel like I should also disguise. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Billy just has disguise. I know. Yeah. I was thinking the things after like if it's not for nefarious dealings, maybe you feel a little more comfortable to shape shift and kind of move through with a couple of disguised people.

Oh, like change. You do a different person. Well, you don't have doppelgangers dance. No, no, no. To like a bird. Like a dog. Yeah. What? Just the number of times that one of the cast has been a dog. Yeah. It's just so funny that a beast of burden like a dog. They're the most burdens. Burden. Burden. Yeah. This is my dog. Burden. Burden. Burden. Burden. What's the word you're looking for? Burdensome. Burden. Yes. Okay. Wait. No. Hold on. I want people to tell me what they're doing.

I guess I'm trying to play up the belly dancer part of my physique. Okay. And I'm like, so I guess I'm trying to look really alluring. I'm like doing a bunch of like those hip moves that belly dancers do. Okay. So Tuck's going to be doing a belly dancer move. Thing is potentially shape shifting. I was also thinking of maybe using. Eyes of the tiger. I'm getting a bird's eye view of where everybody is from the Thunderbird and then moving through the crowd with that knowledge. Yeah.

Avoiding them all. It's a little less. I think it's more aligned with what's happening with Ving. Yeah. Shape shifting right now. So I'm going to use Mark and the animal. When it's okay. Something for the listener. If you don't listen to the level up stuff on Patreon, Ving has taken the move animal companion. So now he has mechanical benefits from this bond with his Thunderbird companion.

But that also means that he now doesn't have direct control over the storm bringing nature of the Thunderbird. So he's his two trainings are travel and fight humanoids. Yeah. And what's Billy going to do? I'm also going to I'm going to use disguise. There's a cost. There's like lots of market carts or whatever stands. And I'm going to take some shit. Oh, I know. It's a plant cart. And I steal a bush and I get in it. It's just a bush. Like that scene in Peter Pan. Yeah, totally. Oh, wow. Okay.

Is it the thing where the bush is moving? And then when someone looks at pops down. Yeah. Okay. So Tuck's going to give me a defy danger charisma. Ving's going to give me defy danger wisdom. And Billy's going to. Give me defy danger dexterity. Yeah. Okay. Also really like a bush eating potato edges. Keep grabbing everything as it walks by. Just shoving it into the bush. Poutine. Yum. Yum. There's so much gravy on this bush. I think that bush just pickpocketed me. What's a poutine? Bush. 10. 12.

Whoa. Wow. Eight. Okay. So two unmitigated successes from Tuck and Ving. Billy gets a seven to eight, which means that he doesn't completely succeed. And what? What does that mean? Do we think? I don't know. He gets a bunch of gravy on the bush. Yeah. Okay. I think what it is, is you get through the crowd. Tuck, you're just, you're just feeling the music, man. You're dancing through really getting into the belly dancers vibe. Fat and lean's music is actually really good for belly. Keto. Keto.

Keto. Keto. Keto. Keto. Keto. Keto. Keto. Keto. Keto. Keto. Keto. Keto. Keto. Keto. Keto. Keto. Keto. Keto. Keto. Keto. Keto. And yeah, and Ving, you're looking through eyes that are so high, high above you. And you can see that like Tuck is going to dance like too close to a customs official. So you're like, boop, you bop him. I dance him over. Yeah, exactly. I like grab him and lead him, twirl him. Ooh. Oh, we're dancing together. We're dancing together, but I'm using my, my, yeah. Yeah.

The knowledge of where everybody is. And it's, it's interesting because you're like, I didn't, I had no idea where this Thunderbird was. But apparently it's above me. It's been following me or something. Yeah. Cause it can fly anywhere. It perches in the sea of graves. So like, why is it still out here? Why is it following me around? And at this point you realize the crowd is so dense that Billy's bush disguise on top of being unnecessary has made it so small. It didn't have to be.

The square is like packed. Right. Yeah. So I'm actually, and I, and I actually, I actually grabbed the pokiest tree. I didn't know it. So people are moving away from you. Yeah. They're, they're actually looking at me like, ow, what the fuck is this? What hit me? It's a monkey puzzle tree. What is this thing? The Colorado blue spruce. Yeah. And you're also like grabbing people's food as you walk by. So you've got like gravy and sauce all in the bush. There's mustard all over it. Yeah.

And you get to the other side. You get to the other side of the crowd. And tuck and finger like, okay, here we are. Oh, and there's Billy. Cause people are moving out of his way. Cause he keeps stabbing them. And you're like, oh great. Okay, let's go. And as you're walking away, you see Billy's leaving footprints of sauce, like on the cobblestone sauce. Fucking sauce. Did he grab like too much? Like probably too much. Right.

So you're walking through the crowd and you come out and you're leaving these footprints like yellow, brown, red, orange. How are they alternating sauce? Is he on all fours? Yeah, I guess. But you see a customs official as you're walking away, see the footprints and start following them. He ducks down. He puts his finger in it. Mmm. And goes to each one tasting the sauce. Is it Jack Boot? No, it's not Jack Boot. Cause he would be like on your ass like a dog. Okay.

So this person looks like the skinny one from the fat and skinny guards from Pirates of the Caribbean. Okay. So he's got a ponytail. He's really lean. He's got a little bit of a tail. He's got a hook nose and he's like, Oh, what's, what's this thing? And he starts following the trail. So what do you do? I could try and seduce him. Uh huh. With my belly dancer costume. Yeah. Yeah. You defy danger charisma. Good luck, buddy.

So yeah, I dance over to him because I noticed that he's like tasting these different sauces that Billy's leaving behind. Uh, and I like go over to him and I get in front of him and I start like shaking the fake boobs that Perel gave me in his face and like doing a bunch of belly dance. The liquid cantaloupes. Yeah. And, and, and just going, Oh, of all the people here, you're the one that I'm most sexually attracted to. I've got a sauce you might like to taste.

And I'm tapping into the character from last time where I was like, also, I have face blindness. Right? Yeah. 11. All right. Uh, so he, he, he's tasting sauces and he hears you say, Oh, I'm going to go. Okay. So he's like, Oh, I'm so attracted to you. And he, he sees your boots and he slowly walks his eyes. All seven feet. How tall is he? Like five, five. And he's like, Oh, hello, miss. I like how he's not even sure. What can I do for you this evening? I'm watching you. I'm watching you.

I'm watching you. I'm watching you. You come on a little bit of customs business. I like a man who knows his business. Oh, I know some business as well. Well, maybe you can help me. Mr. Custom man. Please. Please call me web web. I'm such a strong name. It's before this name. To Ricketts, but it's still a good name. We're not even sure how you die of Ricketts. It's more like a joint thing, but he did. He did. My father, he. I ain't got no Ricketts. Just want to clear that up.

Nice and straight I am. Straight up and down like a board. Oh yeah, I can see how straight you are. You're almost like a piece of paper. That's what they say. I don't like it, but they say it. I was just following this here trailer sources. Oh yeah, there's a little sauce monkey running around here, stealing coins. A sauce monkey you say? I saw him go that way. And then I point in the opposite direction that Billy is.

Now I want to say that your unmitigated success was for seduction, not misdirection. The sauce monkey's still at prophylactics and I would like to have sex with you as quickly. As quickly as possible. I can do quick. Sauce monkey, eh? Is that like a little man that you call a sauce monkey because he's covering sauce? No, it's a little monkey that's been drinking ketchup and mustard.

I've never heard of a sauce monkey before, but if it, if my tracking this little creature down means we get to the what's and who's a little bit quicker, I'm off quick as a big bulb. Okay, bye. What? He's walking away as he hears you say, okay, bye. But he's in the crowd and you have a chance to get away. Okay. Yeah. Let's get out of here. There's Weblam. He's been dispersed. So yeah, what's your plan now? Are we at the library? I've thrown off my tree. Okay. Yeah, you're just wearing clothes.

Yeah, we're just hurrying down an alleyway to get to the library. Okay. And yet Mirrors gave you directions to the library. It is the one with all the books we know. Wow. Mirrors direction fucking sucks. Accurate though. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He said that he was meeting Jaunter at a place called the Thorough Kilby Memorial Library, which is in sort of a nicer area of town. So it is a library that used to be an apartment complex. And then it was bought by the city because nobody lived there anymore.

And they turned it into a library memorializing some figure. So it's three stories made a very fine quarried stone from the coast of Crystal Bay. So, okay, here's something I want to know. Are you guys just going in or are you? No, we're trying to find discern realities. Yeah. Well, you see, okay, so you're a pro. Okay. Yeah. Discern realities. Yeah. Oh, five plus my wisdom. Yeah. Seven. Okay. So you get one question from the discern realities list. I will say because it's very obvious.

Mirrors is at the front entrance. You see him kind of like looking around trying to be casual. What about Perel? Perel is nowhere to be seen. Oh my fucking God. What? Here's not what it seems to be. Does that make sense? Yeah. Would have been nice to be a surprise. It's a good question to ask. You see Ving because you've seen a few of them now. The light guard.

There are a few people milling like standing in a clump by a pomegranate cart and they're just picking up pomegranates and then putting them down and then picking them up and putting them down and they're wearing cloaks like heavy cloaks, but they're very clearly they're all they've all got the like they're all McCall in you can tell and they're all like jacked like they're shredded warriors. You can tell those are like guard warriors and they're here as well and they're acting casual.

Yeah, they're putting up they're picking up and putting down pomegranates with like almost a mechanical rigidity where they're like they're not even looking at those pomegranates. They're like undercover cops where their shirts are perfectly ironed and their jeans are perfectly ironed and they're walking around with clear body armor underneath their hoodies just looking for drugs. Just me looking for normal drugs and you're like how the fuck did you get your hat so clean and ironed baseball hat?

How have you not been thrown in a trunk at some point in your career? Yeah, so that's what you see as you see there are members of the light guard nearby great. So we duck out of view for them. Yeah, you guys. Are kind of out of view right now.

You guys came down like a pretty narrow straight on Avenue that had shops and apartment apartments above those shops on either side and you're now in the shadow of one of those buildings directly in front of you across like a 40 foot wide street is the library inside this old apartment building and the street goes to the left and right and then turns around the library on the right side is where the light guard are in front of the pomegranate cart and to the left of the entrance of the library is where mirrors is standing guys.

Look at that. Look at those guys. Oh, is that I'm there? No. Okay, he's not with them. Okay. What should we do? Come over. Sorry. Yep. That's better than what I was going to say, which was get down on all fours and pretend to be a dog. Basically, this is a load of the ground as possible. This is a relatively more quiet like Market Street. There's just people selling food and drinks. So there's not as much crowd cover as there was.

Maybe can we create like a fire cell on pomegranates for the people in the other marketplace? So like I'm rushing in. Oh, that would be funny if we like ran back. We're like these guys are selling pomegranates for 20 cents. That's a great idea. This is fighting Neo. Okay. Yeah. Is that what you're going to do? You're going to try and create some sort of yet to like rush the cart draw the crowd. Yeah. So who's doing it? I could be a newsboy. Oh, yeah. Great. Yeah.

This will be a defy danger charisma because you're trying to convince a bunch of people. Fuck. I hate these dice. Six. Oh, yeah. Somebody can wait. Yeah, we can. Okay. Who wants to come with me or help me? I'll come help you because I'll like go and like hold them up so that he because he can't no one can see him. So we go back to the square together and I have them on my shoulder to do the announcement. And I'm also jiggling my fake boobs. So people look at me. You're holding me.

Really high in there. Ten. All right. Sweet. So what does Billy say? Here you hear you looking over this way pomegranates on sale for ten cents a piece. Let me repeat. Ten cents a pomegranate. And people are like, oh, what? You say ten cents? Ten cents. And just kidding. Now they're two for ten cents. Two for ten cents. Just follow me. Two for ten cents. For a pomegranate. Holy shit. And a bunch of people start milling over and hustling down the street as we're going down the street.

I start pretending to run. I'm like, I'm going to buy all of the pomegranate more people that show up the cheaper they get. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. I like I try to create a sense of urgency by pushing a nerd. I see running beside me. Be like, get out of the way, nerd. I'm going to get there first. And you push this nerd down and he hits the dirt and he looks at you. And he says, I'm never going to forget that you did this to me. Ever. It's a good thing I'm in disguise. Seven to nine.

I will never forget how you wronged me today. You and the little one. Both of you. I'm not disguised. I'll never forget how you have wronged me. And we just keep running. I go to, I turn to Billy. I'm like, hopefully that doesn't come back to bite us in the ass. I yell back. I'm so, I'm so sorry. So what do we hear him yelling at us as we run away? Lionel McKenzie King never forgets a face. Face. Face. Some shingles fall off a nearby building.

The sound of his rage reverberates across the rooftop as he gets trampled by the crowd and he is killed. Oh, thank God. He's going to come back from. The dead to kill us. Wow, what a dumb seven to nine. You've now made an enemy life. Okay, so a bunch of people pile in and rush the pomegranate cart and the light guard members are like overwhelmed by the number of people. Ving is just like they're free. It's a free out of my way. There's this pomegranate merchant going like what is happening?

And it's a whole it's a whole situation. Guards start showing up to be like get off this guy and there's just pandemonium. What do you do? We get to the door. We ball. Yeah, we run. All right. So yeah, mere sees you and his eyes are like widening widening. What did you do? What are you? What are you doing here? There's light guard in the fucking courtyard. Didn't didn't get in. So we yeah, we duck in. Yeah, and it's it's like after hours based.

Well, it's not after hours because the sun is still setting and has been for a million years, but there's not very many people here. Nobody cares about the library during the Coronado. There's maybe a few people in here making out, but they're in the study rooms fucking yeah, it's just like University Library at like 1030 p.m. Yeah. Yeah, so much fucking is happening.

Yeah, there's a staff member at the front asleep because they haven't officially closed since the sun hasn't set because they just finished fucking sounds exhausted. So mirrors is like, okay, I'm supposed to meet John here, but you just stay out of sight because if he knows you're here, it's going to be a lot more complicated. Okay, we don't know how many other men there are here. Yeah, right. Let's let's pick our Heidi zones. There's those who you can move the shelves of books back and forth.

There's different levers. So Bing makes like a little cordon off kind of fort. Yeah. Peter through them separate the books poke at one book there one book there. So it's just like I slot. I just get into the bookshelf and move some books aside. I'm like, here we go. Yeah, I'm sideways. I sit at a table and I steal a nerd's glasses and I put them on and I pick up a book and I'm like, I love words upside down the book is upside down. You put the glasses on top of your belly dancer costume. Yes.

Wow, just layers. If one disguise is good, three disguises is the best. Yeah, it's like a 1930s joke where he's reading the book. It's upside down with the glasses on and he's like kind of laughs at himself like shakes his head and then takes the glasses and turns them upside down and there we go. That's like a Buster Keaton. Yeah. Fucking very yeah, man. So yeah, Amir says that he was supposed to meet.

He's supposed to meet jaunter in the back near like the arts section in where that where all the plays are. I kind of want one at least one of you to roll to see how effective your hiding places. What about Billy is disguise? You just use that again as well. Yeah, I guess it's yeah, I would say that I would think that works like Billy's able to make a place look more hidden. You don't have to roll for disguise. That's the thing. I think with Billy's disguise it applies to all of us.

Yeah, because he's making like the place hidden. Okay. Yeah, so he's like, no, you got to put this here so you can't see but you can still see through this. Yeah, he stack. He puts a bunch of books in front of me where I'm pretending to read so that I open for them to make it look like you're doing a lot of reading studying trick to hiding in a bag of potatoes is you have to look like a potato and he puts a scrunchie in Ving's hair. So he looks like a librarian. Oh, yes.

I tie a little scarf around. I tie my blanket around his neck to make it look like a fancy French. Yes, off the side. Yeah, Billy's just doing us up, right? Yeah, totally. And Mears is like places everyone. I love books. You're hiding. You've made a fort out of books. I'm saying that to the book. So the book doesn't suspect me. You're saying out loud a disguise inside your hidden fort of books. So it's at this point you're sitting there and you you're settling into.

Your hiding place that you realize just how quiet the library is with the exception of the occasional breathy moan from the other side. You're just like gross and you hear like footsteps going into the part of the library where Mears is and you're I'm glad you can make it. Mears is like, oh, yeah, this is it's always nice to make contact with another uh, another mender. Thank you for meeting with me, especially on such a short notice. I really appreciate it. Jaunter says no problem.

Uh, you came armed. Mears is like always. I don't think that's necessary as you get to know me. I think you'll know that that you don't you don't have anything to fear from me. So what did you want to meet about? And Mears says I've just been hearing some rumors about how things are going in the principalities. I used to be on Maggie Cole's crew and Jaunter pauses for like a while goes, oh, yes, I've been hearing some things about her as well.

Some information that she's been spreading about how bad things are and the work that actually needs to be done. Mears says, yeah, I've been hearing the same things. What have you been hearing? And Jaunter says, oh, you know, I've been hearing the same things. What have you been hearing? And Jaunter says, oh, you know, I've been hearing the same things.

Oh, you know, ancient armies returning from battlefields, long fought and long ended some flooding in the riverways, dragons rampaging through the capital, all that sort of stuff. Mears is like, hmm. Okay, interesting. Well, I I'm new to the Mender Society, but I'd be happy to to lend a hand. If you think you could use any additional hands on the road, I'd be happy to. Yeah. To lend any expertise that I might have gained in my short time with the society.

Jaunter goes, that would be, I think, a boon to me. If we're to set things right in the principalities, I'm going to need all the help that I can get. And you can, Billy, from your perch in the bookshelf, you see Jaunter starting to like step a little bit closer to Mears to sort of close the gap between them. And he says, you wouldn't happen to know anything about three individuals that came to the Mender Society. Just to town within the last few days. A large axe wielding bearded warrior.

When Jaunter says that, like Tuck just hides his axe like under the table and then pushes over a stack of books on top of it. He says, a wild man of some sort of elfin ancestry. And goes, shh. As a librarian. And Jaunter leaves. And Jaunter leaves. And Jaunter lowers his voice and says, a small halfling child wearing a raccoon skin. Billy lets out a silent fart. I like the idea that as he's saying this, Billy is like nine inches from Jaunter's face. And it's deadly.

He pulls out a squeeze bottle of mustard that he grabbed earlier. And he's just like. Yeah. And they've been trapped. And they're traveling in the company of another man. Sort of middle aged. Human-ish. Kind of got a pallid skin tone. Glasses. You wouldn't know anything about that, would you? And Miers goes, no. No. I haven't heard. I haven't seen any of these kinds of people. Not any people I've seen. No. I haven't. I haven't seen them. I can't think of. No. See. No. See. No. Not for me.

None of this. We're all listening to this lie be executed. We're all just like, oh, what a fucking idiot. Yeah. And you hear Jaunter pause. And Billy, you see him smile a little bit and laugh just a little bit. He says, Miers, why would you think that it's a good idea to lie to me? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. It's a good idea to lie to me.

I know. I know it all. And it was pretty dumb of you to come alone. Oh, I shoot first. So when Jaunter says that, Billy stops mid-squeeze of the mustard. Sorry, I forgot about the mustard for a second. And a little bit pools out on the corner of his mouth. Yeah, definitely. So I'm going to shoot first, which means I'm never caught by surprise. And what I'm going to do is I'm going to choose to use backstab. Okay, what does backstab do?

So when I attack a surprised or defenseless enemy with a melee weapon, I can choose to deal damage or roll dexterity. And on 10+, I choose to this list here. Okay, roll for it. Math. Nine. Nice. So you get to choose one from the backstab list. Why don't you nail Dagger's foot into the ground? Oh, good idea. Yeah, can't go anywhere. So that could be the advantage. The advantage, too, is you're giving somebody a plus one because you're immobilizing them.

Yeah, I'm immobilizing him by pinning the knife through his foot into the ground. So what does this look like? Jaunter moves close to Mir's, who's getting nervous, and you can see him moving his hand towards his sword. And Jaunter says, it's pretty stupid of you to come alone. Yeah, and like one second after that, he feels the worst pain ever through his foot. And it's just because I leapt out like a silent ninja. And landed all my weight.

And I dove first like I'm diving into a pool, but with the dagger. Put all my weight into it. And it stabs right through the top of his like ratty, poor actor boot into the wooden floor underneath. And he just screams. Yeah, he's like, the raccoon stabbed me in the foot. And Mir's backs up out of the stack, like into the corridor between the tight rows of books and draws his sword and just, tries to get ready for what's going on. Oh, I like that he backs up because the shelves are movable.

He backs up and then kicks one of the shelves and like, and then. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So cool. So he backs up into the corridor, draws a sword, and just waits to see what happens. What happens? When he yells, the little ones here, Mir's backs up and goes, ah! And looks to his side and two light guard warriors come out from behind a different bookshelf and they start advancing on Mir's. Yeah, what do you do? Do I have a clear, clear line of sight to Mir's? No.

He's in a weird position where he's kind of diagonal from where your little shelf enclosed fort is. Uh-huh. So you can't see him through this corner. Can I see the two light guard warriors that are moving? No, they're both on that side. You can see Jaunter through the gap that Billy created when he pushed through the books. So yeah, I get up and I throw the table in front of me out of the way and I take the axe and I cut through the shelf that's next to Jaunter. Whoa. Cool.

And I'm like, hey, Jaunter. Okay. Give me a defy danger strength. 11. Okay. Yes. You just shatter this bookshelf. Uh-huh. Wait, are you wanting to do like a cool samurai cut where you just cut through it and then move? That's not Tuck style. He just two-handed like he's chopping a tree down smashes through the bookshelf. Okay. Yeah. So you obliterate the bookshelf next to him and Jaunter's still there howling with this knife in his foot. When he sees you, he just yells, they're all here.

And you see two more people more warriors come out from the other side behind Jaunter and strolling up behind them is Fatim. Fuck. Yeah. And he says in such a douchey way and he's like, I was worried I wasn't going to get to scrap today. What the fuck is wrong with this guy? He got worse since we were kids. He certainly did. Shit gets worse over time. And you can smell that acrid smell that Ving and Billy, when you met him in the, in the courtyard at the DeSomme Creek Theater Society tents.

This like weird, pungent, like chemical smell. Fucking gross aftershave. Yeah. Fucking take a shower. I think he pisses lighter fluid. He's made of gasoline. And he takes that big, long hammer looking weapon that he has off his back. The one with the ball with the holes in it and the long pole. And he's just standing at the edge of the bookshelf just waving to tuck. Come on out, beautiful. Does he know who I am? Not yet. Okay.

You're still technically wearing a disguise and he's dumb as a fucking brick. So there's two light guards in front of him and then it's fat. Yeah. And then there's two with mirrors. Yeah. So Fatum waves over at tuck who he sees is the biggest, most weapon wielding person in the room says, come on out, beautiful. And then Ving steps out and is like, you talking to me? I assume.

And like whips his, the French scarf off and like takes a scrunchie out of his hair and does like a real Vidal Sassoon move before he moves into, um, elementary mastery and calls on the wind to push all the books. It makes like a vortex. All right. To bury one of the, I guess I can only aim at one group. Yeah. You've got the two warriors in front of Fatum, which yeah, you would definitely just nail them full on if you did it right. Yeah. I'm gonna try and bury him in books. All right.

I hope you like a heavy reading. So what is it? Two to six plus wisdom? Yes, it is. Okay. Nice. 10. Yes. So what happens on a 10 plus with elemental master? I get to choose two of these. The effect I desire to come is to pass avoid paying nature's price and I retain control. I will not avoid paying nature's price. Okay. Classic. Wind is like, you again. Well, before you break our deal, I'm going to get what I want.

The books start flying off the shelves from behind Ving and he gets nailed in the head by a few heavy volumes as they tear past. So roll a d6. Four. Oh. Whoa. So you take four damage. Oh my God. Plus my armor. So three. Yeah. And then the books fly forward and pick up more and more as the wind sails down the corridor and a huge pile of books just plow into the two light guard warriors in front of Fatim knocking them to the ground. And I really was inspired by Ving's fucking sweet fight pun.

Uh-huh. So I wanted to do one too and I'm like, eat books, nerds. And, uh, and that one I am actually proud of. First time in the series. Yeah. That one. Uh, and Fatim gets hit by a few books, but he seems unperturbed. Uh-huh. Books never made an impact in my life before. Not gonna happen now. Whoa. We've got these two fucking stupid storm fronts approaching each other and it's gonna create a hurricane of idiots. Yeah, totally. And what's happening, what's happening with Mears?

Mears is, uh, trying to fight two people. Wow. And he's barely fighting one of them. Oh no. Oh no. But it's, it, he, you see Mears for a second and you're like, oh fuck, he's kind of good at this. He's holding one off with the sword and he sees the eyes of the one he's fighting look behind him as the guy behind him brings his sword blade down and he just lifts his hand and you just hear clang as he grabs the blade with his metal fingers. Cool. And he throws the sword off.

Uh, and he turns and now he's fighting both of them at once and he screams, where the fuck is Perel? Uh, so for a second we cut to where Perel has been this whole time and he's in a hat store and there's a guy behind the counter with this, uh, wide brimmed hat and he's like, okay, do you want the hat in a box or in a bag? And Perel's like, I don't care. So what does Billy do? Uh, Billy is gonna go after the two, uh, guards or whatever beside Mears. Yeah, totally. Sounds good. Sweet.

So you have another opportunity for backstab again since they're trying to, they're walking and trying to get Mears. Of course. I will do this. Okay. Okay, so I have my regular dagger and my throwing dagger and I have them in both hands and I'm gonna move along with the wind. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Big twirls. Ha-cha! Do I roll? Uh, you can or you can just, deal your damage straight up. Okay, I'll deal my damage straight up. Okay, so just roll your damage. I'm gonna cut your shins, bitches!

Oh, my God. Seven. Oh. Seven damage. Oh, my God. Oh, yes! Billy. Achilles heel. So Billy kills one of these guys. Oh, shit. Yeah. Oh, fuck. Yeah. Yes. Uh, yeah, so how does Billy kill one of these dudes? Well, I slash one of the, uh, Achilles heels, tendons or whatever of one of the guards and I go for the other but he is trying to get out of the way of a book so he, like, gets down on a knee and I hit him in that big artery in the thigh and it's just, like, blood.

And he falls on the ground and grabs his leg and he's like, oh! And he starts yelling in Macaulayne and, Tuck, you just hear him go, there's some kind of friggin' monster in here! Oops. There's some kind of friggin' monster in here. This little raccoon? Yeah, because the one and the one that was, uh, that you didn't kill was the one that was closer to Mears and it turned, he turned, turns around and sees you and is like, oh!

Yeah, and he's yelling, he's yelling the Arabic word for, I guess, the Macaulayne word for, like, uh, like a little trickster demon who kills people and he's like, Ifrit! Ifrit! Ifrit! That's dope. Pretty sweet. Yeah. And he's still trying to fight Mears and Mears has got a little bit of an advantage because he's distracted by the fact that some monster just killed his friend. Uh-huh. Like a monster from the Outer Dark. Yeah, totally. Is where the Ifrit come from. Yeah. Yeah. Cool.

Oh, hey, uh, give me a quick Outlander description. What stories did Tuck hear about Ifrit in Macaulayne? Uh, so, in Macaulayne, there's, like, all these, like, uh, kids' stories that all the kids that live on the street pass between each other just about, like, monsters that prowl the streets of Macaulayne like hunting kids, specifically.

So there's the Ifrit, which are sort of, like, mindless gremlins that come out of the waters and they'll, like, kind of drag you to hell, which is to the Outer Dark, according to the Macaulayne people. Mm-hmm. Whoa. Has Tuck ever seen an Ifrit? Yeah, everyone has. Oh. Like, it's, there's, like, there are, like, nursery rhymes and rules about, like, if you see Ifrit, what can you do? Like, you look for streets that are made of wood, not stone. Try and get closer to the lighthouse.

Also, uh, try and find saffron that has come into the city through the Tallow Road. Those are the three. Cool. So some kids just carry around little pouches of saffron with them. Like, yeah, that's, like, the first thing you do when you're an orphan is you save up enough begging money to buy a pouch of saffron. Because it's a talisman against Ifrit? Yeah. Wow. Does Tuck have any saffron on him? He always has it on him. So he still has saffron from when he was a street kid? Yeah. Wow. Mm-hmm.

Uh, okay, so what is Tuck doing now in this fight? You hear somebody screaming Ifrit, and you're like, oh, yeah, there's Macaulayne. These guys are from Macaul. That's nice. It's nice to hear the old screams. It's like being a kid again where two streets over, you hear someone scream Ifrit, Ifrit, and you're like, that kid's gonna die. That's a dead kid. Clutch your saffron around your neck. Yeah, you clutch your saffron and you run to the fucking lighthouse.

I wonder if his cans will still be there in the morning. Yeah. So what does Tuck do? Uh, so Tuck turns to Fatto, and he's like, and he pulls the veil off, and he's like, remember me? And Fatto says, should I? And then he's like, oh, right, and then he takes the glasses off, and he's like, remember me now? Tacoma. And he says, oh, Tacoma, same as ever, just a chunky little monkey. What are you, seven feet now? Yes. Yeah. Bet you wish you were a strong seven one like your bad boy Fatto over here.

Look like you're in a bulk phase. No, I've been cutting. Yeah? Meals out of your diet? Slowly? Too slowly to lose weight. I eat one meal a day, maybe, and it's all protein. This is a conversation I've heard at several gyms that I've been a member. Yeah, totally. I remember. Yeah. He's the worst of all of the bros that I've ever known. Tuck is like, he's talking to him, and he's like, well, I might be a chunky little monkey, but this monkey's hungry for bananas. And he bites his dick.

And he actually Fatto's eyes narrow, like, furrow, like, what? And Tuck uses that confusion moment to, like, kick up a heavy dictionary of, like, fun comebacks, and he's like, and then baseball bat it into, uh, Fatto's dick. So what, what could you possibly be rolling to do this? Defy danger dexterity, I guess. Yeah, you gotta be fast for this. Yeah. All right. I have zero dexterity. Well, not, it's gonna show. Ten. Ten. Well, fuck me. Okay.

He, uh, you say, this chunky little monkey is hungry for bananas. Fatto goes, that doesn't even make, make any sense, you little bit, and gets wailed right in the dick by a dictionary, and, uh, Fatto rolls over and goes, my dick! I want to do a hack and slash. Okay. So 2d6 push strength. Holy shit. God. Fuck. 13. Good God. Okay. So yeah, roll your damage. Seven. Ugh. Oh, nice. So what do you do?

So he, he goes down, and then the first thing I do is I jump over the two light guard warriors that are buried in books. So I like jump, and as I'm coming down, I bring my axe down on top of him, like, blade side down. Yeah. And I, I'm like, Larry! Uh, so you're coming down, and he rolls backwards. Like, he tries to do a back roll from a sitting position, and does this really clumsy backwards somersault as you're coming down, but you slice, slice this huge gash down his back. Sick.

And blood, starts pouring pretty quick. You cut him fairly deep, and he gets up to his feet, and he's like, oh, my back, and my dick. Oh, ugh. Oh, Tacoma, I've been waiting for this for a long time. Every once in a while, I remember you, you chunky little monkey. I'm putting this monkey to monkey jail now. This guy's obsessed with monkeys.

And he hefts his hammer, and he grabs the bottom, and he twists it, and you hear it click a couple times, and you see it, you smell a really pungent cloud of that acrid chemical smell, and flames start curling from inside the head of his hammer. What the fuck? The head of his hammer is wreathed in fire. And Tuck is like, sick. And he's like, yeah, pretty sick. And we cut to Ving. I kind of wanted to use my newfound mastery of the crystals. Oh, yeah. And turn my spear into a crystal spear.

Oh, sick! What he does is slams the spear down on the ground, and it just like, makes this crazy sound, but it looks like the spear. And then he leans back with the spear like a javelin throw, and hucks it as far as he could, but the spear remains in his hand, but out of the spear comes a crystal spear. Whoa! It flies through the air, and slams into the guy at Fatum's feet right as he's getting up. Fucking cool. So sick. Is this a shape shift? Would it be a shape shift or a volley?

I was thinking it could be an interesting way that you can volley now. Yeah. Like you could basically just create ammunition. Because like, the crystal stuff is just part of him. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Pretty sick. Wow. There we go. You guys got so cool. Yeah, we're pretty cool. Four. Fuck. Five. Five. Oh, fuck. Damn it. Okay. Shit. Okay. Remember how cool we were for a second, guys? I'm so sorry. No. This is what happens when we try and be cool.

So I think what happens is in the style of Jackie Chan movies, doors burst open and more light guard warriors start rushing in. Oh. And also, you hear door slam in front of you. You see people run in. Door slam behind you. More people run in. And as you turn, you see that Jaunter is gone. Fuck. Damn it. Fuck. And I will say that, Billy, you see Jaunter start fucking hauling ass through the library. He's trying to get away. I am going to throw a dagger at him to stop him. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Billy's just, like, fuck. Yeah. So I'm like, oh, shit. Whoa. Monster. 12. Oh, have you rolled your damage? Eight. Oh, holy shit. Okay. I think as he's running, you see it stab right into the meat of his back, very close to his spine. Oh, shit. Sort of like kidney range. And he just keels to the side, slams into a table, and like, just tumbles to the ground. Oh, shit. This is a pretty bad Billy's feeling. He's gonna. He's kind of worried.

Yeah, but he's like, I gotta take care of these guards first. Yeah, totally. We cut to tuck. What was the last thing that happened with slices back open? Yeah, slices back open. And then he turned that thing on. He lit his hammer on fire. Is it like magic fire? No, it's mechanical. You heard a click like a lighter and the smell, I'll just tell you the smell is an accelerant that's stored in the handle. Pretty cool.

Yeah, and it comes out of the head like a lighter and then he has a like a flint and a flint and steel thing that he twists that lights it on fire. Okay, I want to smash his weapon. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, I guess defy danger strength. Not bad. Ten. Yeah. Oh my God. What happens is, you know, you trade blows for a little bit. Yeah. Swing in this hammer. You're dodging out of the way. Blocking it with the axe. Yeah. The flames get really close to your face. Yeah.

And then I knee him in the stomach to get away. Yeah. Yeah. And he, it's pretty sick fight. It is. It's a great fight and it's that thing where every once in a while, one of you will swing a punch and hit the other in the torso. Yeah. It's this like just the boom and the muscles ripple a little bit. There's a point in the fight where we're just feeding each other punches and each do each other's. He's just like, give up. And I'm like, no, you give up. No, you, you give up. No, you give up.

Chunky monkey. I am not that fat anymore. He can't shoot insults back. He just has to defend himself. You push him back when you say, I'm not that fat anymore and you bring your axe over your head and swing it down and he holds his hammer up to block it. So it comes down like blade side down and it shears right through. Yeah, totally. And the accelerant just like pours on. Yeah, that's what I was going to say is it starts coming. It pours out of the handle on both sides.

And the flames gutter out in the head of it. But he's now like covered in this oil. Sick. And he smells really bad. Can Ving smell it? Everybody can smell it. Like Billy can smell it on the other side of the stacks. I think it's time to bring in the Thunderbird. Oh, sick. What does this look like? There's a big rose window above and like stained glass, stained glass, rose circle window. Wow. Wow. And he, uh, he sees the commotion.

He sees Fathom's axe gets broken in half and his hand reels back and the hammer grazes by Tuck's face and it, it gets under his beard and it kind of like this little, you know, when you light a steel wool on fire, this little like crawling, creeping fire goes up, up Tuck's face and he's like, ah, kind of like screams. And you see Billy on the other side like rolling and dodging out of the way of swords, but it's like he's getting tired. So, yeah, your friends are in a bad way. Yeah.

Ving brings his hands together onto over his chest, the amethyst over his chest and his hair starts furling and the static charge building up in his hair and then all of a sudden he sees the rose window like he's looking up at the rose window. Ving is staring up at it with lightning in his hair and then he sees it. It looks like it's getting bigger and bigger and bigger.

The rosewood is growing and growing and growing, but actually he's looking through the thunder, thunderbird's eyes as it's getting closer to the window and then smash, as it overtakes Ving, the sight of the rose window. The thunderbird comes smashing through the window. Very intimidating. Huge thunderbird clap wings, parks above the men. Yeah.

I was imagining like it comes through the window and its wings unfurl as it slows down and it slowly flaps and its huge talons alight on like a bookshelf in front of you. Right above Ving. Yeah. Right on top, like framing him. And it does that thing, you know, when a seagull lands and it shakes as it like settles its wings, it does it like settles above in this intimidating predatory manner.

His hands are out like this because Ving's hands are out at the sides when the thunderbird's wings are out and as the thunderbird settles his wings, Ving's hands come back into his side. Wow. Yes. Okay. What does it look like? It almost, in the way that a killer whale is colored, like there is different feathers are in the different loopy kind of white, there's some white in it and some gray and there's iridescent and it's down is the color of when you're looking up at the sky.

Like that grayish blue? Yeah, iridescent. Like a clear sky or a cloud kind of thing? Yeah, like a slight cloud, a darker cloud. Glowing. Yeah, yeah. And that's how it manifests its camouflage benefit. So like when it's flying, it can't be seen by anybody. That's pretty cool. Yeah. I just, so I have an idea. What are we saying? Like size wise? Six. Six feet tall? Person sized. Cool. Cool. What do you think? How do you feel? Less small? Smaller. I like him a bit bigger. I'd say maybe 10.

Big enough that like Ving can ride him. Yeah. Yeah. But maybe not you guys yet. And Billy, not Tuck. Fuck. Tuck has to walk. Uh oh. 10 foot bird above him. Fucking cool. Okay. So immediately, everybody that sees this is terrified. Stop. Yeah. The fight stops for a second. Yeah. Yeah. So back over to, I guess Billy. Yeah, Billy. Billy. Billy's just in the midst of it. He's hacking. He's slashing. He's living his life.

And he sees past a couple light guard warriors that he's dodging out of the way of. Jaunter gets up. Whoa. He pulls himself to his feet and he starts hustling slower, but still pretty quickly to the exit. And you see, for a second, you're like, is his back wet? And he's just moving away from him. What the fuck? What? It looks like his back is wet and there's no blood. He reaches behind him. He pulls the knife out and he throws it on the ground. Zero blood. He's moving towards the door.

What do you do? I follow him. Okay. You're going to need to give me a defy danger dexterity to disengage from these fighters. Eight. Okay. So roll a D6. One of them is going to get you. Four. Four. So four damage. Okay. How does Billy disengage? Billy parkours off a guy. Because he was, he was already mid jump and he's like, oh, cool. Like he jumps up and kicks off of someone. Yeah. Fucking cool.

And as you're doing that, you are like flipping over someone backwards and you basically hit their sword. Like they miss you, but you still snag yourself on their blade and you take four damage. Yeah. It's my fat arm. Yeah. You get a cut all the way down your chubby little bicep. My muscles. And though, you are small and your legs are so tiny, you're surprisingly fast. Like they're going to, it's going to take them a second to be able to catch up with you.

If you want to get closer to jaunter, you could give me another defy danger dexterity. I do. Oh, holy shit. There it is. So what do you do? You can catch him if you want. Well, you can get catch up to him. You're too small to like, to actually grapple with him. Yeah. Is he carrying anything? No, he's unarmed. He's got nothing in his hands. He's basically just wearing his ratty, fancy guy clothes and he's hauling ass to the exit. Yeah. I want to catch up with him. Yeah, you do.

You, you run up and he, what do you do? Do you, maybe like a discern realities? Yeah. Yeah. That's a good idea. Two D six plus wisdom. Very bad. Six. Ooh. Eight. Yeah. I guess Ving is kind of close by with the Thunderbird. Yeah. What if Ving sees the water and then tries his best to like slow the elemental of water? Ooh, that's pretty good. He's like water, water. Whoa. Yeah. That's cool. Holy shit. Tries to like really slow him down. That's cool. That is very cool.

It's like, he's like pulling it, like an invisible rope. Yeah. Shit. Plus, plus your bond with Billy. Seven. Yeah. Mechanics rules. See guys, rules are fun. Yeah. Rules rule. So you get one question from the discern realities list. I, I guess like what here is not what it appears to be. So Ving, you, you see Billy chasing Jaunter and you see the water on his back and you're like, oh, maybe I can, maybe I can stop him.

And you call on the spirit of water to interact with this water that you see and nothing. You don't pull on it at all. You can't even, you can't even hear it. And Billy, you're hot on his ass as he goes out of this main square and Billy's like, give me your ass. I'm going to get your ass. So you're chasing him out of this like main, you know how like libraries have that big main area with the tables for studying and stuff like that. It's that kind of area.

And you run into like an undercover area that's closer to the door and Ving isn't able to stop him. You're in this dark corridor by yourself and Jaunter's running so fast. And as he's getting to this turn, he stumbles and slips and falls and slides. He's slamming right into the wall just across from you just at the end of this L turn going left. And he's still totally still for a second. And you catch up to him. His body's still.

His eyes are wide open and crystal clear water starts to pour out of his mouth and nose and forms this puddle on the ground. And the puddle starts moving towards the door. What the fuck? It's dark Perel. Yeah. And that's the end of the episode. And that's the end of the episode. That's where we're going to end it for this week. Whoa! Oh my God. My name is Sean O'Hara. I've been your Game Master. Joining me playing Tacoma Dome, the Barbarian, Abdul Aziz. It was dark Perel the whole time.

That drowned Rebecca. Playing Ving, the half-elf druid, Paul Oppers. This is amazing. And playing Fat Billy, the halfling thief, Jessica Tai. Is it actually Perel? Oh God. Oh my God. Thanks to Aaron Reid for our intro and outro music. Thanks to Adam Coble and Sage LaTorre for the game Dungeon World. And thanks to you for listening. You can find more of us on social media at speltlore, most places, including our Patreon, which you can also find at speltlore.com slash money please.

And you can find the Speltlore Fan Club on Facebook. They're super cool, fun people. Go check it out. Thanks a lot, everybody. We'll see you next time. And so ends the tale of Adventures Three Who tried the best they can Though dumb and scared and lost they be For time's abreast in revelry And though our journey may be like a conclusion We will not leave you without a resolution Return next week to hear some more Whilst you commute or do your chores And for you I'd gladly Spout Lore with a pen