Episode 15 – Bring It All Back

Are you playing the song right now? Yep. Here we go. Get ready. Wait, what did you want? I just wanted a quick recap on the episode. Okay, here. Yeah. I'll do it in the form of a song. Yeah! Never stop. We went to the shop. Then we put our dragon in a hole. And then we go back to him. Don't stop. Never give up. Don't get high and reach the top. And we'll see what you give up. Don't get high and reach the top. You started coming down the road. You met some people on the way.

Just pass Coconut Joe. And then you went to an inn with an orc who asked for a reenactment of a lust and love. Choose your own adventure. Yeah. Thanks. Got awkward. Yeah, it's true. We didn't know what to do. Cause lust ends. And love is mostly hot dog themed pornography. And there was a lot of stuff about ketchup and mustard. I don't know how we got into that point where that's what it is. I thought that it was just a book. And now that's just a hot dog book. One joke that worked well.

One joke that worked well. One joke that worked well. Turned it into a meme. Got to that town where… Yep. When Black Spire needed somewhere else to hide. We found a cave on the port town and he went inside. And he was like, are you coming back? And we're like, of course. We told him not to kill anybody if they came into the game. Just act like you. After that, then you went to the market and bought some stuff. Tried to sell Sunstone to a guy. Then you decided. Not to. Yeah.

Went across the street to another little old lady who you sold it to. Then you went to spend your money right away. And now you don't have any money. We still have like 190 coins. So that's not that bad. But I didn't spend 200 coins. Trying to figure out if Allison is in town. Turns out Allison is in town or not. That's not true. Nobody said that. He said that the scarf belonged to a woman. And that's all you know. That is pretty good that I know this woman. Woman scarf is good for me.

I like woman scarf. I had red hair for sure. And probably wearing a red dress. It was for sure Allison. There's no way she wasn't. And also, Bing bought a haunted doll. Really tried to… Get him not to buy that haunted doll. Sometimes dolls buy you in. That's what I feel happened here. I don't think that we will part. Me and doll are one. Then you bought some leaves. Went to a place and bought more leaves. Then you bought liquid for the leaves. And bought a bunch of leaves. Then you saw a boat.

Went to the docks and saw the boat. That you were looking for the boat. Clear water was the boat. Clear water was the boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat.

Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat. Boat.

Boat and poisons and half weed half weed yep and then the last thing that we did was spotted in the harbor the clear water holy shit oh fuck and that is where we find our heroes now the harbor is bustling you're basically standing in the middle of a two-way river of people that are breaking around you how the fuck did they get it out of the mud I wonder if the Wittershins and like with the changing of the waterways have got come back and it's floating again one of all the ships are up well remember uh oh wait no it was the halfling lands that flooded yes the halfling lands have been flooding but if the halfling lands flooded maybe there's more floods so I don't know yeah yeah we you have no literally no idea what is happening in the prince of pretty sure it's probably that flood probably must be this one regional flood that brought this boat back to life either way it brought somebody who hates us here nice so yeah what what what what what what what what what what!<|tr|> what sorry yeah she's uh she's got a real practical like seafaring outfit on like she's got you know linen shirt leather jerkin like the whole uh thing she's looking around ordering people around holy shit yeah so yeah maggie's here wow uh and she's within sight of you guys so you might be inside of her oh shit what let's duck we just duck is there a bench yeah there's a bench in front of you yeah tuck ducks behind this regular size bench honestly you're probably invisible now so you have two more questions what should I be on the lookout for I would say this is not something that you see but something you think about is if maggie's here it stands to reason that other members of the menders that you have met are probably here too mirrors well no mirrors is in the in unfortunately uh but there might be other people that have met you personally that are on the lookout for you.

Oh, right. Like Greg. Or Gary. Fuck, I can never remember that guy's name. It started as Gary and then you said Greg and I started saying Greg. Okay. So also what here is useful or valuable to me? So you are watching the people that are milling about on the deck and coming down the gangplank and they're moving boxes off the ship and walking them down the boardwalk to a specific warehouse. What's the warehouse look like? It's, oh my god. It's based on a principality's style that everybody hates.

No, it's weird. They are all quite boxy in their shape, but they're stacked on top of each other in an irregular way. So it kind of ends up being this like sandcastle kind of Lego brick looking structure. Like an Olympic village. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, kind of like the Olympic village. There's a place that's called like Habitat 514 or something that's like an apartment complex that I'm thinking about, but it looks like this very strange stacked boxes kind of structure.

And you can see Billy the warehouse that they're moving boxes into. You know which one it is. It's like closest to the water. Yeah, furthest away from you, but closest to the water. So you see where they're loading all their shit. Wow. What do the boxes look like? It looks like food supplies. It looks like so this is what is useful or valuable. They plan on being here for a while. Oh, setting up camp. I see.

Yeah, Billy, you're watching the boxes and you're like, well, I could eat that stuff in like two weeks, which means they're probably going to be here for six months. Yeah, so that and that is what you gather from that discern realities. All right. So maybe we should try and figure out our approach here. What do you think she wants from us? What do we know about what she knows about us? Well, we know that we definitely delivered something to the vault, which is what she wanted out of us. Yes.

Yeah. Does she know that it wasn't what she wanted? I don't know. We don't know that yet. I guess we will know if she sees us and if she is angry looking or not. What if we show her a picture of us or a likeness of us first? Oh, that's actually not a bad plan. If we like let her know that somebody like us is nearby, but it's not our personhood. Yeah, if we find three mooks that look kind of like us, and then there's all these people walking around. Nobody nobody looks.

There's no way to find people who look just like I'm going to say you could maybe find a half link and that's you have to find six McCollins and strap them together. Look close to touch a forest garbage. Yeah. Okay. Unless like you guys want to do a disguise. Yeah, I like disguise. Mm-hmm. Because disguise we can disguise ourselves and then she won't know that it's us. What if we disguise ourselves to look like people who would look like us but isn't us puts on his glasses.

Wait, Billy, you can make illusions. Oh, can you lose us? Can I? Yeah. Yeah, you would be able to you haven't rolled your fairy child. So you'd have to roll that to determine how many hold you have guess. Great. And then you could create a convincing illusion, which would just change your appearance. At the beginning of the day roll plus charisma, which I have to seven plus two is nine. That means I get three holds today. Okay. Wait, can we help if you can pitch me a way that you could help?

We put him in a fairy child sort of state put like make him really at ease with some wonderful elemental like nice little cool breeze for a hot little billow. Yeah. And you can hum him his favorite tune. Yeah. And I put like a zinc based sunscreen on his rosacea. That's so nice. He's taking your his little ball of fur and shaped it into the cat with the multiple tails. It's like a little like I have a little cat, a little tiny kitty. Yeah. All right. I mean, this just feels nice.

And then I give I like return to them from the crowd and I hand Billy a pizza. Is it my birthday? Okay. Somebody roll 2d6 plus bond six. I failed. Wait, can I ate him? Yes, I always say yes to the aiding and aid. How are you aiding thing? Aiding Billy? I just give him a pizza code. Okay, I give him a pizza cone and a kiss on the cheek. Okay, 2d6 plus bond plus kiss. So many fans waited with bated breath for the end of that. Yeah, kiss on the cake. Fuck eight.

All right, so that makes six to seven and that makes Billy's nine to ten. Wow. Wow. The people who love rules hate this. Welcome to Spout Lore fuckers. That means I have five holds today. So get ready for magic. You should waste two of them right now. Definitely. Very convincing illusion and Maggie goes, what's that? The fireworks billion gang. It's just a picture of the three of you like crude drawings. We're right here. Um, okay.

So are you doing this illusory stuff like here or are you going somewhere else? Because you're just literally in a thoroughfare surrounded by people right now. Maybe that's how I waste ones. I start doing it now. Can I waste one? You can waste one again. I would like to hear how though. Okay, so I start creating a convincing illusion because I'm so emotional about all the support I've received all the water and the blowing of the air and the pizza cone.

I'm so overwhelmed and I am transported to like a really good place, which is I don't know, like a northern ocean. I'm like, yeah, I can make us. I can make my family and I start doing it right there. And there's just like copies of you. Yeah, it's like halfway and then tuck in Ving to tell me to stop. Yeah, we smack the spirit magic out of his hands. Billy, no, not here. There's people everywhere. I'm sorry. More of us. We're more. He is now.

They're just three pairs of legs standing in front of you that are like run. Everybody run. Everybody run. I don't know how to undo it. So three pairs of legs run off the crowd. That's going to come back to haunt us at some point. So you guys what drag Billy away to a more quiet zone so you can actually do a good illusion disguise. Yeah. Is there what's around us? Is there any quiet alleys? Yeah, this is like we so Wickport like I said is a pretty big place. Actually, because it's a Toria.

Maybe it's kind of more like a it's like a downtown Vancouver. So lots of buildings, lots of people, lots of alleys and yeah, you can definitely just find like an alley off a main sort of restaurant row. Oh, no. Actually, you find an alley off a place called Chandler's Row, which is where all of the candle makers in the city operate. Oh, cool. It's just like rows and rows and racks of like candles hanging off like the different kind of stacks to dry. Oh, yeah.

And you just find a quiet alley off that. Okay. Yeah, we huddle behind a dumpster that's full of beeswax smells so good. Oh, yeah. Chandler's Row smells amazing. Yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna take some of the beeswax really and it feels like it you're being you're kind of like why did they throw this away? This is such high quality beeswax. I feel like I'm missing something, but I'll take it. No, I mean it's probably just like a weird bee, right? Like it's not just a honeybee. It's a firebee.

Yeah, it could be firebee wax. That would make sense that you would make candles out of firebee wax. Yeah, because it burns for an extra long time. So it's and it's still kind of warm to the touch. Yeah, which is why I can pour it in Jerry, which was why I can pour it in a jar dipped a little too far into the Canada there. All right. So how's this disguise gonna work? Are you making illusions that like go over yourselves? Is that the plan? That's what I thought. That's pretty cool.

Okay, you're disguising us as other things. Can you make me into like a really tall like dark hair? Maybe no hair with like a big beard like a broad chested big boy. No, that's me. I'll do my best. Okay, maybe can I we could be like a like fancier versions. Sure. Or a kid gang. Yeah, I don't think we can make me look like a kid. Yeah. Yeah. I mean illusion. He would Billy would just be making like your top half invisible Oh, and then making your bottom half an illusion. Okay. No, no, no.

Make us look like kid gangs that are really fancy kid gang. Okay, can you make me a horse a horse? I just I haven't been an animal for a long time. I miss it. Just make me some sort of animal. Okay, can you make me white? I can do my very best. I just got to know what it feels like. I've been hearing great things. So I'm like doing my best like you guys keep changing your mind. I'm like totally. So I make talk into a kid gang.

So what I do is the bottom half of him is like a kid and then the top half is another kid on his shoulders. Amazing and they're wearing cumber buns and like a long one long robe. Yeah, and then I hold on to the back of being and then we become a horse together. Yeah. A cumber bun on your neck horses wearing a bow tie a bow tie and a cumber bun. Yeah. Thank you. You're welcome. Wow.

This is the perfect disguise because it's you think that the disguise is the kids disguising themselves as a person wearing a cloak. Yeah, disguise is the person disguising themselves as the two kids. It's a double bluff. It's perfect. Okay, cool. So now we've got a weird kind of tottering kid tower in a cloak and a horse walking. Sideways and a horse walking sideways wearing a cumber bun like a bow tie.

Okay, so there's a horse like Fred Astaire side stepping down the road wearing fancy clothes like dancing in the rain and the three of you are like these are the perfect disguise so it gets pick you we demand so much authority because everybody's like this with their arms and chest out. Yeah, I'm at command authority demand. Authority give us the authority right now put the authority in the bag. Nobody gets hurt. Okay, perfect. These are your disguises.

You emerge back into Chandler's row the way my friend. Yeah, I grab the bridle of the horse, which is one of things flaps. Yeah, and I go come along Chauncey Chauncey. Yeah, come along Chauncey mummy would be so ever so mad at us if we are later than six lunch Chauncey. Okay. Yeah, we go. There's just like a there's like a there's like a 12 year old kid just like dipping candles in wax watching this happen. Hello poor boy. This is my horse. Hi Chauncey. Okay.

Is this the top kid or the bottom kid saying this? But they talking to you this? Oh my God weird. I like that. Do you guys need any candles candles? What a pedestrian form of entertainment payment? What come Chauncey don't allow this poor boy to get any of his waxy hands all over your gleaming gold hooves God damn you guys have to make trotting sound. Oh, sorry. Clop clop clop clop clop clop clop clop. Hey I mean give me some. And now I as the GM am forced to ask what's the next step here?

I thought we were going to the warehouse. Yeah, obviously. Okay, but of course you're going to the warehouse that the vendors were loading their shit into. Yeah, I just had to get in character. Okay, because our dad works there. Yeah owns it. Oh, hmm interesting ploy because he's fancy. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Okay, so you go back to the that boardwalk area where you know, like the entryway to that section of the harbor is and people are getting out of your way.

Yeah, some people are giving you a bunch of looks of course because you look like two kids in a trench coat leading a tap dancing horse. Down the road. Good day thing. The horse's ass says the tail. I do. I just realized like physically that the horse is Ving walking and Billy on the ground walking behind him, but the lattice work of the illusion connects them up above his head. Yeah, fuck so confused. I know sometimes people pass between them and they're just like what the fuck?

I'm like walking through a ghost walk through a horse's ghost. So you get to the harbor and yeah, nobody stops you as you walk into the harbor, but you pass like the harbor master shed and an old man with like a big curly gray wig like sticks his head out as you walk by and just watch as you pass. Don't you dare you poor piece of shit. He reaches out and closes the shutters on his shed as I thought and you walk down the boardwalk and you're just approaching the warehouse. That's your plan. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. What do we see at the start of the warehouse? Should we discern realities as we get close? Yeah, you can discern realities. What do your horse eyes see? You're not nice seven. Hell yeah. All right. So one question from the discern realities list. What's useful or valuable here for us? Yeah. So something that you notice as you are walking along the boardwalk, you're kind of getting you're side-eyed by the stevedores that are like hauling these boxes around.

They're like get the fuck out of the way like I'm working and as you're approaching you're like, ah yes, our plan to tell them that my dad owns this warehouse. You get close to the door of the warehouse and you see stuck in the the jam the door jam on the outside. You see stuck into the wood a copper needle. Oh shit. They own the warehouse and they're not our dad. So that move, you know is not going to work and also this is a mender's asset basically like be aware. Okay. Should we huddle? Yeah.

Okay. The horse folds in around the two boys. Yeah. All right. What should we do? I mean, should we look for documents or see how where they're staying because this is just where the boat staying we should find out where they're staying. Maybe we should should we pretend? We're lost like we think this is our warehouse. Okay.

What if we tell them that it's like our dad is the mayor and he wants to extend his gratitude for the clear water or such a historic ship arriving at the shores of the Wickport. Yeah. He sent us because we're part of the tourism group. Of Wickport. Maybe. Yeah. And we need we need to like we brought this horse to escort you to your abode abode. Yeah. Yeah, the carrier load to your abode. Yeah. We're abode loaders. All right. So that's your plan. I think so.

And you just see a stream of people walking back and forth. It looks like they're coming close to like finishing unloading because there's fewer and fewer people. But you hear like, oh, yeah. Okay. Just bring it. Bring it over that way. And yeah. Okay. We'll do it. And coming up over the edge of the boat is Greg Foulsmith. No, not Greg Foulsmith. I can't remember what his actual last name is. He went by mud muggins. Yeah. The first mender that you ever met.

This is the guy that tried to stop Billy from stealing the potato wedges. Oh, him. Yeah. Greg. Yeah. Like episode two. Yes. Yeah. And he is like, hey, can I help you? Uh, yes. My father is the mayor of this town of Whitport. And we wanted to thank you for gracing this town with the historic ship that is the Clearwater. And we would like to extend our deepest hospitalities to the organization that you represent.

And by that, I mean we have dressed up this horse to escort you to your abode, as is the custom of Whitport. Uh, Greg snorts, spits onto the wood, and goes, you two kids in a trench coat? Yes. Well, you can tell your daddy that if he wants to talk to us, he can come down here himself. Oh, um, okay. Uh, the horse is a great dad. If perhaps our father sent us in this trench coat because he is busy right now, maybe he can find you at your hotel. Uh, where might that be? He holds up a hand.

How about this? How about you turn around and you get out of here and you don't come back? Can I convince him to tell me in any way where they're staying? I guess you can convince him. You can try and trick him into revealing something, but he is not going to willingly tell you anything. Although Billy has further fairy hold, fairy child hold. I do. Oh, yes. Oh, yeah, you can make him a friend. I'm gonna charm an individual for a short while. Oh, smart. Great. Okay. Okay.

So, yeah, Billy sees us going south, and he's like, what do I do? I already clopped a bunch of times. Uh, yeah, so Billy's just like, uh, uh, flicks his arm up to charm him, and it just looks like the horse… The horse's tail let out, like, a little fart, and Billy is like, oh, shit. That's what it sounds like. He farts magic at him. He farts, and then the horse's butt says, shit. So, he's like, oh, god. Yeah, I'm blowing at him, like, So it's just Billy's breath that's bothering him? Yeah.

I ate so much cheese earlier. But you haven't been brushing at night, have you? No, I haven't. God awful. And he seems proud of his fact. Yeah, why would I brush off the cheese? That's free cheese. But I could just eat it later. Oh, so many times we've seen Billy scraping the fuzz off his teeth and licking his fingers. Oh, man. That's disgusting, Billy. And Tech leans into the front half of Chauncey and is like, he really gotta do a better job with his hygiene. We have to start trying.

And, Billy, you see the telltale, signs of your magic taking hold, the softening of the features. He's still like, the fuck's going on here, but he's not actively telling you to fuck off anymore. He's like, what's the deal here? We're gonna help him. We're gonna help him with what? We're gonna carry some of his load. Look, are you talking to that horse? No, no. You're standing right in front of me and you're talking to the horse and I can hear the horse talking back.

I'm not talking to the horse. I was just trying to do something good for once. Don't cry. My father said there is an important organization coming into town and I've fucked everything up today. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. We both know that your daddy is not the mayor. My daddy's the mayor. Cut it out. Okay. I've met enough kids in trench coats to know when someone's trying to pull a fast one on me. Alright. So what's the deal? What's going on? Honestly. Cut the tears. I know they're fake.

It's Derry. I'm trying to help you out here, kid, but my patience is wearing mighty thin. Staring daggers at Tuck like, this will not last long. I can't keep holding it. The horse is going like this, like putting poop across his throat. He hates you so much. Even my magic kid. Yeah. Billy is sweating so much. Just do it. Just get it over with. Alright. Alright. Alright. I'm a member of the Urchins and our gang, the Nutcrackers.

We wanted to extend our hospitality and try and use a connection with you to gain leverage in the city's underworld. And they sent me because I was the best at coming up with disguises and plans, but it seems like it's not the case. See? That's all you had to say. I'm sorry. It's fine. I understand. Look, I was a little ragamuffin at one point in my life, too. And it takes a little bit to get used to this life of crime and espionage and duplicity. And I'm sorry. But thank you for coming clean.

And I understand. I don't know how you heard about us, for one. That's a little concerning, but also a little impressive. So how about this? How about you meet me later tonight at the Clamshell Pub and I'll see if I can help y'all out. Alright? Alright. Thank you. Alright. Thank you. Do not bring the horse. Alright. Hey, kid. And he reaches into his pocket and he flicks a coin at you. And the bottom kid catches it somehow. The horse is very confused. Yeah. Just get the hell away from me.

Thank you. And he heads back up the gangplank. And Tuck, as the two kids, scurries up the deck. And you head off the dock? Yeah. And just as we round out of their sight line, I drop the illusion because I'm like, I'm so tired. Tuck, that was really hard. You did such a good job, Billy. Very convincing. That guy hated me, for sure. Oh, yeah. And while you were doing one fairy move, you did another fairy move? My brain feels like puddings. So many types. Do you want some pudding? You know what?

I don't. Oh, whoa. Oh my god. He is tired. Yeah. I pick him up and I put him in a sling that I have just across the deck. Across my chest. Thank you. So he can have a rest. Thank you. Baby fanny pack. Yeah. Okay, cool. So you're gonna meet, you have a meeting while two kids in a trench coat have a meeting with Greg at the clamshell pub in a few hours. It's like, not even noon, basically. So you've got some time. Should we go set up a trap then outside of the pub? Oh, totes. Oh, yeah, totally.

Let's go scope it out. Yeah. If only we had a trap expert. Oh! Oh! So you head to, you ask around and head to the clamshell pub, which is near one of the other harbors that we talked about. It's closer to an area of the coast that is like home to a bunch of like clam beds, basically. So a lot of people go down and farm clams. And the clamshell is actually, the front of it is made to look like a giant clamshell. So it's like carved out of wood and the clam mouth opens up. It's open all the time.

Well, actually, no. When the bar closes, it does close the clamshell. Oh, wow. Cool. It's just a drinking establishment. It's a little rougher. This is kind of a like sailor bar. Are you going in or are you just keeping an eye out? Maybe we, can we scope out the outside first? Yeah. There are some barrels with stools set around them in the front and there are a few rough looking customers from all ports drinking outside in the middle of the day.

There are like alleys on either side that go into the bar. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So like twisting labyrinthine like back passages. Okay. Yeah. I'll discern a reality. All right. Doing a lot of discerning realities. Well, we don't know anything about this fucking town. Yeah. Three. Okay. So you're looking at the clamshell, the clamshell pub and the alleys around it. Definitely, if we were at like the mouth of this alleyway, we would definitely get the jump on Greg. No question.

Guys, we should hang out in the mouth of this alleyway. Get the fucking jump on Greg. He'll come down one of these. And you head into the alleyway past the entrance of the clamshell pub into like the narrow spot between what looks like a bunch of maybe apartments and just a bunch of like brick buildings next to you. So it's pretty tight. It's a little almost too tight for tuck. Uh-huh. And as you're walking down the alley, you feel that there is someone behind you. Turn around.

The alley is being blocked by what appears to be a centaur wearing purple silk clothes. Oh, no. With curly blonde hair and long fingernails. Fabio. Oh, fucking shit. Shoot first. Okay. So what is Billy's first instinct? Definitely like I throw. I throw. Okay. All right. Let me look some stuff up. Oh, you know what? I was picking up beach glass on the way to the clamshell. Uh-huh. So I throw that and they're pretty big. He found a piece that's just glass. They're not worn down.

They're like fresh beach glass. Makes sense because like the patrons of the clamshell just like chuck their bottles. Yeah. Yeah. And Billy was like, oh, beach glass. Yeah. Just broken beer bottles. That's why we didn't notice the centaur walking behind us because both Vig and I were trying to wrestle glass out of our kids hands. It's just glass. Billy, not on a beach. We don't think you're going to hurt yourself. You're going to hurt one of us. Okay. Yeah. Billy, go for it.

So it's going to be volley. I guess. Sure. 2d6 plus dexterity. So I got a three. Not great. Yeah. Mark a point of experience. I will. Billy as you're walking down this alleyway, you feel the presence behind you and you turn and see Fabio and you throw the glass right away and it just clatters off his chest. Yeah. Ah, it was a handful of beach class. Just like, ha. All right. It's going to be like that, huh? Well, you showed up in the darkness behind us like a weirdo.

Yeah, I did because I'm robbing you and you look behind you and there are several other centers that are penning you in and talk is like I told you guys is a great alleyway for ambush. Yeah. Oh, that would be the perfect line. To end the episode on if we didn't need more time if we didn't need a full 40 minutes more than we have now. So Fabio is like, hey, you know, you could have just sold me the sunstone. Oh, it's that guy. Yeah. Yeah. Fucking sunstone shit dick.

Do you think we still have the sunstone? You moron. Hand it over. We don't have it. Don't have it. All right. Hand everything else over. You think we hang on to money, you moron? Yeah, we spent most of it. Well, then how about I take the things you bought with that money and I sell those after you're dead? Hey, I bought these fists with it. Do you want to do you want those two for one, baby? Oh, great line. Let me say that. Okay. Yeah, go for it. No.

And tech, he pulls the giant axe off his back and he's like, yeah. And for me, it's one for the price of one. And Fabio crosses his arms over his chest and even more over his. His centaur body and looks at the axe and goes, I'm going to make a fortune off that thing and snaps and says, get them boys. Oh, fuck. And the centaurs behind you start charging down the alley. I mean, one at a time.

It's just one centaur because I already unfortunately said this is quite a narrow alleyway and Fabio is coming at you from the other side. So what do you do? I turn to engage the guy behind us. Okay. Yeah. This centaur is wearing a he's got like a bowling shirt on with a white tank top underneath and he's kind of balding on the top of his head. Thin gold chain. Yeah. And he's just coming at you. His front legs start to kick up and it looks like he's just going to try and kick you to death.

How high are centaur heads? How high up does a camel go? Ten feet. Good lord. They're huge. All right. Then yeah, this guy is ten feet tall. Tech wants to kind of do a war cry because you can enter the battle with a show of force. He wants to like jump and double knee this guy in the face. Okay. So war cry is more of like a thing before you fight as opposed to like an actual fight move. So this is the thing that's going to tell this guy. Hey, don't fuck with me. Yeah, right. Okay. Do that 13.

Yeah. So you guys get plus one forward and your enemies feel fear and act accordingly. So what is your war cry sound like? I go one for one bitches and I do the jump in the double knee to his face. Uh, yeah. Okay. So he is extremely surprised by that double knee and rears back and like just starts backing out of the alley and is like no way, no way, no way. Yeah. And Fabio runs. He's like these guys are cowards. That's the thing is they were hoping to ambush you, but they get kind of jammed up.

Fabio books. He's away and he's like wrap it up boys. Bring me their stuff. Come meet me back at the shop and he's gone. But the centaurs on the other side of the alley are like kind of mashed up because they were coming down one at a time. So he the one that was coming at you is still kicking his hooves at you, but they're definitely trying to get away. Okay. What do you do? I try and dodge. Yeah, because he's trying to stomp me right? Yeah. Yeah. Defy danger con uh dexterity. Okay. Five. Okay.

Yeah. Uh roll a d6 two. Uh so you get clobbered a good couple times by this centaur hoof and you take four damage. Yeah. Billy tuck is getting kicked in the face by a centaur. What do you do? Um, I would like to hack and slash with my short sword. Okay. Hack and slash 2d6. Well, actually this could be a backstab. So you can choose to just deal your damage without rolling or you can roll plus dexterity for extra stuff. I want to roll for dexterity. Okay. So 2d6 plus dex. Eight. Okay.

So on a seven and nine you choose one of these. You don't get into melee with them. You deal your damage plus 1d6. You create an advantage taking plus one forward or you reduce their armor by one until they repair it. I want to create an advantage toward thing. Okay, perfect. What does this look like? Oh, I try to do something cool like figure eight slash and my arms are really short and it's a really small sword so I can actually do that in this narrow alleyway. Yeah.

I'm like pew pew swish swish get away you big bully and it works like because he's kicking it tuck and then the second he puts his hoof down it gets nicked by a little kid and he's like, ah, what the fuck and this guy is way off balance because the other centaur is trying to push forward and everything is just kind of in a deadlock thing. Yeah, I'll fight with honor to see how many hold I get. Oh, yeah 13. All right. So that is all of your hold that you acquire.

So I'm going to run in and he just knocked you back. He's about to fall over backwards. Yeah, he's trying to fall over backwards, but there's a centaur. Behind him and a centaur behind him. Oh great. So I'm going to domino these centaurs for sure. Hell yeah. Perfect. I'm going to bicycle kick towards them. Okay. I don't have to roll anything. Yeah. What are your hold options for fight with honor cross the distance between yourself and a foe bypassing all obstacles. That would be the obstacle.

Yeah. So I run by and do parkour off off the back of and then launch my feet forward and hoof this guy in the chest. Hopefully he'll tip over backwards. Fuck. Yeah. So what are you spending another hold to deal your damage? Yes, please. Okay, then yeah, go ahead and deal your damage to so you bicycle kick two feet in this guy's face and they're pretty sturdy. So it feels like he gets hit a little bit, but he's not terribly hurt.

He's more scared than he is hurt right now and you are now kind of on top of this centaur pile, I guess. Oh, they're kind of keeping you float on the three of them and that is definitely a position of power for sure. Yeah tuck Ving has just flipped over your head and kick the centaur in the face. What position is the centaur in?

He's like up rearing back tuck just wants to like go underneath and like grab him on the I guess the armpits of the front legs and then just like huck him back on the pile of guys behind him. Yeah, give me a defy danger. Strength. Fuck you. You piece of shit 10 10. Yeah, you grab this guy and you shove him back onto the pile of other centaurs and you just start walking them out of the alley tick.

Yeah, like you are just one foot after the other Ving is on top of the pile surfing riding him like yeah, and you eventually get to the wider part of the alley where there's just a bunch of garbage cans behind some businesses and you tip them all over in a pile on top of one another. And they're just like I fucking goddamn trying to extricate themselves Billy. There's now a pile of centaurs in front of you. What do you do? Um, I use my sword to cut off some of the pouches that are on their belt.

Oh, hell. Yeah, steal from you boy. Yeah. So that would be tricks of the trade. Sure 2d6 plus dexterity nine. Okay, so Billy on a seven to nine you still do it but the GM will offer you two options between suspicion danger or cost and I think it's going to be cost and danger cost. Okay, so you start cutting at some pouches that they have slung around their horse waist like a belt.

There's some pouches on there and you just cut one of the belts full on right off and all of their pouches fall to the ground. But as you do that, they start to write themselves and one of them stomps down on your short sword and snaps it. It's so small now. It's even shorter. But they all get up and they start like moving away from you and they're pointing at you like this isn't the last you've seen of us. We're going to get you and we're going to get you good.

Yeah, when you were pointing at us, there's three more pointing at you pal. Get out of here. We're getting out of here, but because we want to not because you're telling us to. Ving does the chest and they all run. They run down the alleyway. Fuck. Yeah and you have a pile of centaur bags, I guess. Cool rifle. Let's go through this. Yeah. Yeah. Nice. We should get booth inside the clamshell and rifle through a treasure. Let's get some calamari. Yeah. This treasure. All right.

So you guys go back to the clamshell. Yeah. Okay, perfect. You get a booth. It is every pirate bar you've ever seen in a movie about pirates. There's like wax candles melting to stubs on barrels. Nice. Greasy oil lanterns flapping in the rafters and just a variety of real like dirty missing teeth tattoos kind of people people with a lot of different animals on their shoulders. Oh, yeah, totally. And there is one family that looks completely out of place and like they're having a great time.

They're like tourists. Yeah, it's like, wow, look at all of these seafaring people. They just are so fling. I love coming to this part of town. They read about on a Yelp stone out front. Yeah, and they're like the waiter like, oh, my God, I'm so scared. I'm so scared. He's like, oh, my God, I'm so scared. I'm so scared. He's like, oh, my God, I'm so scared. I'm so scared. He comes by and the dad grabs him and he's like, excuse me, sir. What is your most disgusting menu item?

It's my son's birthday. I heard you have a free clam that you give them a free clam. Yeah, everybody gets the same clam. We take it back after the meal and you guys have your own booth. What are you doing? Braving through this shit. I didn't have anything in mind for the stuff they'd have. So do you guys want to give me one thing each that you find in these pouches? Yeah, without being extremely outlandish. Okay. Yeah. So let's start with Abdul. Um, I find I find a diary, a diary. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah, you find a a like a crime diary. Yeah, it might be a crime diary, but it does have like the heart shaped lock and like the little bear key. So could be anything really. I mean, yeah. Do you pop it open? Yeah, pop it open inside in the very first page. In McCollum, you see to dad. Happy birthday. This was a gift from his kid. Looks like fuck this sucks. I feel bad about this now, but you see the first page that he's written on goes dear diary. I love doing crime.

Here is a detailing of all of the operations I have been involved in in the last six months. Oh, cool. This is actually useful. Sick. Yeah, and it looks like there's a lot of inside information about the city's like crime. Oh, cool. Take a look at this later. Bing. What is being find being finds a big ring of keys and a few weird coins he's never seen before made with strange metals. Oh, interesting. Yeah, cool.

Keys and strange metals like you want to Spout Lore about these coins or anything or just hold on to him for later. Yeah, I'll Spout Lore about a couple couple of these ancient coins and old coins like lucky coins. Oh, they're not even like money coins. They look like they're keeps like good luck charms. I like lucky coins. That's cool. Yeah, one side scratched all up. Maybe cool. 1010. So something interesting and useful. I'm going to say they're both like similar coins.

Okay, and anybody have any ideas about this ancient coin? What it might be? It's a big copper coin. Interesting. It's got a little tiny hole in the middle. Oh, what if it's a white cloud mountain? Great. It has a square hole in the middle. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So it's a yeah, it's a kind of coin that you have maybe seen once or twice, but you have read about it recently in your sagely studies as being a currency from a place called the white cloud mountains. It's cold. Very cold. That's cool. Yeah.

Yeah. And there you also get something useful from that with a 10 plus. Right. So what would the thing be? Hmm. It could be a thing like maybe the writing on the coin. He's realizing that he's seen similar writing on a few buildings in town. Oh, hmm. So there's people from the white cloud mountains in town, maybe perhaps what did Billy find in the pouches? Billy found one dose of poison. Oh, interesting. What kind of poison? It is truth serum. Whoa, cool. What? Okay.

See the shit eating grin that Jessica's giving me what I have to have fun. So you find one dose of a truth serum and the way that you find out that it is truth serum is you dip your pinky into it and you put it on your tongue and Billy immediately says I have to poop. Go to the fucking bathroom Billy. Okay. You better not be lying. I'm not. Don't drink that though. Okay. All right. So I little stopper back to the bathroom and it's extremely pirate themed. There's like anchors on the wall.

There's a mechanical seagull that's like very jerkily flapping its wings in there. I really like it in here. Like the serum makes you poop. This could come in handy. Are you backed up? Yeah, he was. He's been so stressed out lately. I haven't shit in weeks. Great. So I guess you just kill time until you think Greg's going to show up. Yeah, we're kind of going to approach him head on, right? Are we ambushing him or do we want to just like be like, yo, what up, dude? Let's have a convo.

I mean, we could do that with ambush as like the backup plan. Yeah. And we have nowhere to take him except the cave. Yeah, where our dragon is. Yeah, a very rare expensive dragon. If we bring anybody back to the cave, he will try to kill them. Yeah. Man, we might have created a problem for this town. Bring a dragon into it. Maybe was right dragon in a cave near an inhabited city. That's never been a problem in a fantasy. And we have to go pick him up tonight, too. Yeah. And take him somewhere.

Oh, yeah. Tide is coming in. Okay, so you pass some time in the clamshell pub. We've eaten so much calamari. We got bored of it and transition to popcorn trip. Yeah. And that's once you transition, you were like, oh, the popcorn shrimp. That's why people come here. Like you've got the one good thing on the menu. They've got so many different kinds of dips. Wow. Oh, yes. We're ordering flights of dips. Are I got a cilantro dip with lime and also spicy waffle jelly. Oh, wow. Holy shit.

Sounds great. Fucking sweet and savory. Yes, please. What kind of dip did Bing get? There's one. It's a horse radish and ketchup. It's cocktail sauce. But it's so good. I haven't had it since the forest. This is like Prince dip. Oh, wow. Nostalgic. Holy shit. Amazing. I wonder if that means that there's somebody from the core of the woods that passed through here or works in the kitchen. I've never had this outside of the woods. Wow. Write that down. Yeah. What kind of dip did Tuck get?

He got kind of like weak sauce. Like mayonnaise? No, it's called weak sauce. And it's like, what is that? It's like a real thin, like mostly water with a little bit of barbecue sauce in it. And it's the thing that the urchins used to eat mostly like it was their kind of thing. So it's like a nostalgic thing for him. He was just like, I want some weak sauce. That makes a lot of sense.

I also think it's funny that it's probably not a thing that's on the menu because the urchins would just get a little bit of sauce. They'd get like one ketchup packet and then they'd put it in water to make it stretch for everybody. Totally. So Tuck's just putting sauce in his water. No, it's the kind of thing that like if you order it, then they're like, oh, you're a local. Like you're from here. So they like don't gouge you and shit. Yeah.

And the camera pans back and we see in the chef's window, the chef watching. You all enjoy the flight of dips and a single tear rolls down his wrinkly cheek. Oh, nice. And we cut back to the table and the sun begins to approach setting. Oh my God. What about a dragon? When's the tide coming in? What time is it? You're asking me about tides. They come in, as we all know, at the time of a flag, a waiter and a waiter comes up. He's got a peg leg. Yes. What time does the tide come in?

Oh, well, of course, we all know that the tide comes in at the time of somebody help me out here. Midnight. Midnight. The tide comes in here at midnight because the sea of graves is a mysterious, mysterious mistress. So we should have just enough time to confront Greg and then go back to the cave to get our friend. Yeah, I feel like we got time. It's like seven or eight, maybe. Telling this to the waiter. Yeah, is there anything else that you need me to know about this man you're meeting?

Uh, yeah. If a guy comes in who looks… What does Greg look like? He's… He's like, uh, in his forties. He's a pretty thick dude. He's bald, I think. Does he have a scar? He has a tattoo. Uh… He has the rake tattoo. Hmm. Uh, if a guy comes in with, like, kind of a tattoo of a rake on his arm, can you seat him at this table? At your table? Yeah. Tell him that some people are here to talk to him. I could. For a price. Ugh. I'll give you a hundred gold coins. Yes! Absolutely!

Hand it over, boy-o! Okay, wait. Yo, what's a reasonable amount of money, do you think? A hundred gold coins sounds like a good price. Is that all our money? No, we have a hundred and ninety. He's hilarious. He's pulling your leg. I'm gonna say this is just friend to friend. Let's say we're pals. You've been enjoying the sauce. I've been enjoying watching you enjoying the sauce. Don't go talking about how much money you have in this part of town. Alright, fair enough. Thank you.

I think that's worth a hundred gold coins. Yeah, that information. Hand it over, baby! I'll give you forty. Fuck yes! Okay, here you go. Oh my god. I'll do anything for you. Another flight of sauces, please. On the house. Oh, thanks. And he is just like gripping this bag of coins so tight as he walks into the back and he kisses it a couple times. Billy shouts, follow your dreams! And he looks back and he's like running this place is my dream. Wow. He's living his dreams.

I hope I'm like him when I grow up. And he kisses two fingers and he points at the sky and he goes into the back and I don't know like forty minutes later. You're all sitting in your booth. You've forgotten. You're all drinking your sauces. I imagine you started taking them like shooters. We're just drinking sauce now. Cold popcorn shrimp. They're out of shrimp now. Yeah, we've drained the bar of shrimp and now we're draining the sauce. Keep it coming, keep it coming. Bang the table.

Erasmus, one more. Bring the bottle. This guy's name is Erasmus? Erasmus. Sick. Oh, I like this guy. And yeah, about forty minutes later Erasmus seats Greg and he is taken through the bar and brought to this booth and he stops dead. We put hoods up so he doesn't see our face. So we, cause we want to do a dramatic reveal. We do. We've been talking about this for hours. Yeah, so we've all got our hoods up or something like a napkin. Yeah, two of us have hoods and Billy just has a napkin.

That thing is folded into a pirate's hat for him. It's shaped like a little hat. Oh, that's so cute. And Erasmus walks away and Greg sees you all sitting there and he stops for a moment. He goes sorry, he didn't tell me anybody was sitting here. I'm just going to grab another table and he turns and starts to walk away. Hold friend. He holds. I'm sure we have room for one more. For a friend from our past. Hood off.

He turns and he sees your three faces because Billy wasn't hiding his he realizes, but he was sitting so low that he couldn't see him. Yeah, I just look up. Peeks up over the edge of the counter and his hand immediately goes to his belt. Wait. Hold on. We just want to talk. He doesn't draw his knife, but he doesn't take his hand off it. Look, we know you guys are in town. The vendors are in town and we just want to figure out kind of like what what our situation is with you guys.

We don't want it to come to blows. We've been friendly in the past. So he looks around and realizes he's alone and he grabs a chair from a table and he sits at the end of the booth. He doesn't get in the booth. He sits like at the end of the table. You got 30 seconds. Okay. What are you guys doing in town? Looking for you. What do you think? Are you serious? You can't. Fucking through the sea of graves for us. Yeah. Are you not aware of the things that you have done? Clearly not.

We invited you to a popcorn shrimp restaurant using a ruse of a two kids in a trench coat kind of thing that of course that was I should have known. I should have known. I should have known. That's what he said. Do you understand? The kind of shit you're in? I don't know. Like explain it maybe because it was a long time ago. All right. We've been in so many different types of shit since you last saw us. Okay, fine. 30 seconds up. I'm talking now.

Let me explain to you the sequence of events as far as we know them. You leave Mudlark with the box. You go ostensibly to the vault to deliver the box. Yes. On the orders of Maggie Cole. Yes. We did that. We delivered a box. It takes you for fucking ever. I am short and my legs are small too and it takes me a long time to walk. You left on horseback. It couldn't carry me. And people kept talking to us all the time. Interruptions right and left.

We start hearing stories about people going to the spirit realm about monsters made of water. We send people to the vault because we haven't heard jack shit. We get there. Something's wrong with our golem. Something's up with the thing we asked you to deliver and then all hell breaks loose and a living storm sweeps across the principalities. My bad. This is what I'm talking about. This is why we're looking for y'all. Do you understand the fucking shit storm you left behind?

What happened after the storm? I don't know how to explain it. Things are happening. Things are being seen. There are beasts like we've never seen before. There are fires that act as if they have purpose and goals. They burn like they have a grudge. There are winds that whip to the bone. The principalities is a fucking mess. And as far as we can tell, it's because of you three. If I weren't outnumbered right now, I would have tried to kill each and every one of you.

Well, that's fucking rude, dude. We ordered you weak sauce. We saved your popcorn shrimp. He grabs the weak sauce and he grabs the popcorn shrimp and he lifts it up and he dumps it right on the ground. Fuck you. Fuck your shrimp. Fuck your sauce. That storm was not our fault. No? No. He said it was. Well, he's just… Quick to accept blame for most things. That's what I'm trying to say. Yes. It's just the kind of guy he is. He thinks everything's his fault.

He thought shape-shifting was like so bad that he stopped doing it. It's true. I'm gonna walk out of here. I'm gonna get up. I'm gonna keep my hands in sight. No. What? Stay. Somebody try and somebody roll something to convince him. Can we parlay with him? Sure. What are you offering? That we'll go with him? Oh, or because we don't want to put ourselves in a situation where Maggie's just gonna slit our throats. But why would she do that? Because it seems like they think we ended the world.

But they need us because if we caused it, we can fix it. We can uncause it. I don't know that that is true. Like things that break things usually don't fix the point. But we have pro. And if he gets his magic back, he could try to fix it. Yeah. We technically still have the box. Yeah. Sort of thing. Kind of. Yeah. And we kind of did what they wanted because Perel's not a wizard anymore. That's true. Mm-hmm. Okay. Yeah. What if we tell them that?

What if we tell you that we did exactly what you want just in our way? Yeah. Yeah. Elaborate. Get us a meeting with Maggie on our terms. On neutral territory. Mm-hmm. Roll for it. Somewhere where we can't be ambushed. I understand what neutral territory means. In our cave where we're staying, just the three of us. That is not neutral territory. That is a corner that is, we're so fucked if that happens. It's so dark, it drops right into the ocean. We have a dragon in there. He's not that big.

It doesn't fucking matter. He's an idiot. Come into the house we're staying at in which we have a cannon pointed at the door. Exactly. But trust that we will not fire it. All right. So wait, who wants to parlay? I mean, who did most of the talking just now? Tuck. I'll do it. Okay. I have the worst luck. Beautiful. It's gonna go so fucking bad. 36 plus charisma. Oh, Lord. Lord of Flame, please help me convince this guy not to fucking kill us. Holy shit. 12. Okay. All right. Okay.

He takes a deep breath. He reaches across the table and he grabs the glasses of weak sauce. And he shoots it. He flips the glass over and places it on the countertop. Cool. And he wipes his face. He says, All right. Fine. I'll talk to Maggie. I'll get you a meeting. You name the time. We'll name the place. But we will keep this above board. I will make sure that it is kept above board against my better judgment because I don't trust the three of you. I don't trust you far as I can throw you.

And I've tried to throw you. And I can't do it. That's fair. So when sunrise. Yes. I look at Billy and I say sunrise. Neutral territory. Neutral territory. Okay. All right. Fuck. I don't know any place in this goddamn town. Yeah. We also don't know anything about this fucking city. Hey, all right. The clamshell where all are welcome. Back here? Yeah. Okay. All right. Fine. Sunrise here. Wait. Is this place 24 hours? Hey, Rasmus. Yes. When? What time do you open? I open I opened 20 years ago.

When? Like, I mean. So, yeah. It's always open. Are you open every hour of the day? Till I die, my boy. Perfect. What is going on with Rasmus? He loves his job. It feels like he's doesn't leave this place. Why would I? I got everything I need right here. His eyes are fucking spinning in his goleming on this place. It feels like Rasmus might have been a member of the court of the wood who just went crazy in this bar and took it over. Yeah, I could be. Yeah.

Maybe if you take a peek at his ears underneath his long stringy white hair, there'll be a hint of health and he yeah. So sunrise clamshell meeting with Maggie Cole breakfast. Menu breakfast shrimp. Oh, nice hollandaise sauce instead of breaded with panko. It's breaded with hollandaise. Oh, yeah. Okay, great. So he gets up. He holds his hands up in front of them and he walks out and we all we try and do a four-way high five with him.

He lets it happen and he walks backwards out of the bar and you see him. He's still making eye contact with you. He gets to the saloon style doors and then the second he gets to the doors, he runs tell Maggie that we look forward to seeing her. He's long. Sorry. He heard me. He did. He heard he was so far away. Heard the situation heard me this. The town needs to know the clamshell knows Rasmus. Just you know, just bring us the bell.

Tell her that we look forward to like way more point in that just both of you being like he left. Why did you say that? He couldn't hear you. He waited until we watched him leave and then the second he was out of sight you started talking to him. In a normal voice tell her that we look forward to seeing her again. I sniffed that horseradish sauce. I'm like what's in it? These are fucking duck moves looking off into the distance.

You hear like yeah Eagles cry and that's where we're going to end it for this week. I'm your game master Sean O'Hara joining me as always playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian Abdulaziz so long everybody playing being the half-elf druid Paul offers. Take care everyone and playing fat Billy the halfling thief Jessica tie. Bye everyone.

Thank you as always to Aaron read for our incredible intro natural music and thank you to our supporters from around the world for supporting us online and on Patreon which you can find at speltlord.com slash money please or patreon.com slash Spout Lore and if you go to speltlord.com slash money please you will get access to absolute shit ton of bonus audio content monthly streams alternating between Q&A's and a new bonus game played using the fiasco system in which we portray the Lone Tree Hill players in a series of teen drama inspired stage plays that are absolute chaos and they're so fucked if you like this show you're gonna love them and postcards there are gift boxes it's a whole thing just go check it out and we'll catch you next time and so ends the tale of adventures three who tried the best they can though dumb and scared and lost they be for time's abreast in revelry and though our journey may be like a conclusion we will not leave you without a resolution return next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores and for you I'd gladly Spout Lore with a