Episode 21 – Ice Road Trekers

If you like Spout Lore and you want spelt more of it, go to patreon.com slash Spout Lore for exclusive bonus content, bonus games, exclusive merchandise, and more. So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing. Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight. Fingers half-elf, he shifts his shape and wields a spear with great might. Billy's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart.

Best and raddest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts. So gather round, friends, and listen close. Oh. For the tale's about to start. Hello, everybody, and welcome to Spout Lore. I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara. Joining me as always, playing Tacoma Dome, the barbarian, Abdul Aziz. Hello, everybody. Playing Ving, the half-elf druid, Paul Oppers. Hello there. Playing Fat Billy, the halfling thief, Jessica Tai. Hi, everyone.

When last we left our heroes, they arrived at the trek stop deep in the ice road route of the frozen north. After finding, thanks to the help of Pantera, the blood-debt-owing snow leopard, a wanted poster featuring our dear friend Ving. Looks nothing like me. A very offensive rendition that makes him look like an absolute beast, but still noticeably Ving. Determined, nonetheless, to take refuge at this trek stop, they disguised Ving.

Ving, as a nice road trekker, shaving his head and using the hair to give him a handlebar mustache, I think. Handlebar mustache and a mullet. And a mullet. Under a hat. Was there chops coming out of nowhere? I mean, we could just say that now. There's chops coming out of nowhere. Yeah. Like, not connected to the mullet? Yeah. It's shaved between the top of the mullet and the chops. Yeah. And then the chops, and then a mustache. Awful. Not one unified hairstyle on the entire head.

They went to the diner. In the trek stop, featuring all-day breakfast, and took a spot in a booth to plan their next move, meeting aggressive, yet not realizing it's off-putting diner waitress Becky. She was just reading the game. Like, she just got a copy of the game. Yeah. And she saw Tuck and was like, I'm going to neg the shit out of this guy. He's going to find me irresistible. Yeah. My feelings were for sure hurt by everything she said. Those feelings are hurt. Cops came into the diner.

Designer took notice of the party sitting at their booth tuck accidentally drew the attention of one of them I think we're so excited about all day breakfast we forgot we went there to make a plan yeah that might have been it yeah uh we later on learned that billy and or jessica misunderstood all day breakfast to mean all you can eat breakfast absolutely I misunderstood personally very reasonable ordering basically 15 times the amount of food of anyone else at the table tuck drew the attention of one of the cops who came over and asked what was going on what your business was and then uh they both left tuck talked to a woman at the bar trying to get an idea of your your plan I remember now was in an attempt to learn more about adernack all water was to just ask any one person you saw you looked like they might be intelligent so she was reading so we're like this person definitely knows about wizards she knows about our quest specifically bothered a bunch of nerds that day yeah tuck approached her and scared her off accidentally losing the weather book that he brought with him to seem smart as well billy snuck out after her yes and saw that she was informing the cops preparing to enter the diner and apprehend you all billy returned to the table and and!

Gulnau this huge guy you can really help this out uh and at that moment the cops stormed the place ving threw a jar full of gunpowder into a fireplace creating a smoke bomb of magnificent proportions uh you escaped out the back oleg throwing you into the back of a moving ice trek that was on its way out the door and you all escaped ving calling the storm around you to pick up speed and also obscure your trail receiving thanks to his connection to the spiritual realm and the elements of vision of a great battle taking place in the skies high high above cloud piercer the thunderbird nearby and in pain oh and that is where we find our heroes now does ving do anything immediately about the vision he yells out cloud piercer what I stick my head out the window the clouds have kind of come in so you can't really see much yeah it's windy you do we hear thunder yes you hear thunder the wind in what direction the sky which way are we heading I do mean it in that it is above like it seems like it's rolling out from everywhere whoa yeah oh my god is there like weather above us that looks like stormy at all ving kind of called up a storm to obscure you so you are it's it was pretty snowy and blustery already and now it's even more so and the truck is rumbling as you're pulling out onto the ice road you're like oh my god I'm so scared I'm so scared I'm so scared I'm so scared I'm so scared I'm so scared I'm so scared I'm so scared I'm so scared I'm so scared I'm so scared I'm so scared I'm so scared dogs as far as the eye can see back here uh the the dog team has been pulled in because it was already pretty windy and they're just like oh hello friend I am ving hi I'm your friend and he holds out his little paw what a good boy welcome to the truck my name's balto I guess I'm kind of the leader around here that's great anything we can do for you do you guys need anything from us you can just put it in the chat box and I'll take care of it for you guys take care of it for you guys pet scratch my head you get it bolt though oh yeah this is great hey guys we got some friends back here and you're like oh my god hi what's going on just a pile of dogs now they're all over me licking my face and stuff this is great perel's kind of like standing up he's got his hand out and he's like lifting up one leg as a dog gets closer to him hi hello perel do you not like dogs no I like them fine they're just this these ones are big that's you just stay down there buddy stay down there and then tucks on the ground and he's like underneath one that's huge and he's scratching it on either side he's like just scratch them like this and they'll be fine no that's fine it's okay you can just stay back a little bit uh and uh maggie is sitting on the ground and she's got one laying across her lap ving and balto are laughing their butts off oh no I rolled in it and it turned out it was my own that's what happens out here on the ice road oh my god yeah you're a good boy what's the driver's name oh uh uh he's never told me his name gotcha no clue dog only knows its own name yeah yeah exactly dog knows balto other dogs yeah and then food person food guy yeah he thinks the guy's name is come here boy wait do can you ask him where we're going yeah where are we going where's this truck headed oh we're going to um uh the big the big place that place with all the you know what they're called there's all the people the city yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah it's gonna be a while but that's where we're going eventually is there is there buildings made of ice I was thinking about this earlier yeah we don't know anything about the frozen north we're going to sheer city so we're going to sheer city or old sheer probably sheer city if it's a city but we don't know anything about the culture we don't know what the government's like yeah is the frozen north like attached to the principalities is it separate from the principal I assume it's separate me too but I don't know is it city states is there a full is there nationhood up here there seems to be nationhood doesn't there yeah so sheer city sounds like it's probably if not the capital a big city it's a big city on the coast yeah can we do a thing where we come up with a name for the city come up with a name for the city come up with a name for the each say a thing that our characters have heard about sheer city I would love that starting with what we know about it so far that's what I want to know is that old sheer was the first city or settlement when people came over from hibernia I think and some of them settled there and it was like one of the first communities on this continent theoretically yeah that makes sense it was probably maybe not on the continent but definitely in the north yeah it was one of the bigger because we don't know anything about really about the indigenous people of the continent right you know what I mean so like how long have people been here are these the people that were here like originally like well what do we know of the winter war like what were the people that were there because it was the people from the elves and fairies that's who took part in the winter war were the elves the dark elves and the fairies and it feels like a lot of people got pulled into it I think so too I was thinking of like how the north like sheer city had a lot of people who were here and they were like oh my god I don't know what's going on here and they were like oh my god I don't know what's going on here a lot of military ground because of its advantage from the shore and they're also trying to secure passages to other parts of the country so it is like in a northwest passage sort of thing yeah how a lot of the arctic our arctic has been settled by military and that's a lot of the infrastructure there is based on some sort of militant occupation or so maybe it's a hangovers from the winter war or other wars like that there's a bit of a colonial a military uh establishment there's a bit of a colonial a military establishment there's a bit of a colonial here okay yeah we we did establish that old sheer was like kind of just like end of the rotors and then the government re-established the city further south in a place that is the navy could like in a bay kind of that the navy could like live in and then it kind of became a military town sort of like victoria and is that that's sheer city that's sheer city that makes a lot of sense actually old sheer is the some of the original ones yeah yeah yeah it should make sense like the way you described it originally like there's a lot of people who are like oh my god like there's a lot of people who are like oh my god little houses and stuff yeah yeah I think a lot old sheer we said was a lot of people who refused to move to sheer city yeah like they're anti-establishment so it ended up anti-war probably oh yeah yeah okay so this is this see this is giving me a picture of what the north is like it sounds like it's a very militant place yeah like it's a it's a country that is like we have a powerful navy and we control the upper part of the world but I like the thought that this military culture doesn't get through the forest you know I mean like it doesn't really affect the elves at all the elves are more powerful than that so the the great forest and the boreal reach is its own kingdom and territory oh yeah definitely and then frozen north is separate from it yeah that's kind of cool like sheer city is made the hub of like the military yeah then there's like all that frozen area that's sort of like no man's land yeah a bit yeah is it kind of like a alaska then yeah okay that makes sense so it's like maybe it is an outpost of the principalities but maybe they seceded yeah so like it was originally a territory of the principalities and then they declared independence so there was wars yeah and that's why they have such a strong military what makes their military navy especially so potent uh their ability to travel and and like navigate the ice fields and yeah and everything cool I like it uh ships that are like they can like camouflage with the ice sort of thing they hide out they can go further north than anyone because they have like icebreaker ships I was just thinking icebreakers they probably have some sort of thing in the front very cool and they can maybe sometimes go up like if it's a huge glacier field they can like they get up on skis or like yeah they're slightly amphibious because you can put them up cool pull them across they grew out of the winter war a little bit that would make sense yeah like some of their their weapons were yeah used like the you know uh you know military breeds yeah necessity sort of thing I was thinking that about the shipbreakers that it was like an engine on the front of it that was powered by magic and there was a maybe there was a ton of advancement yeah there was a ton of advancement and then that like that really makes sense about we're talking about how magic is used whereas the spirit energy energy is about taking part in the process of the ship and then it's like yeah totally so in the absence of magic they were probably forced to industrialize basically like find ways to replace that energy yeah oh like you mean after the wizards left yeah because it is part of their like military industry was powered by magical artifacts the mechanism era I'm imagining like you know like cold snowy icy cities but with like belching smokestacks and right slamming machines and that kind of stuff rocks covered in ice yeah things covered in ice like ice is mortar oh interesting and like some of the old old buildings that makes sense permafrost buildings using like water as like the heat source you know like because there's magic in it yeah yeah it's easy to you know use magic to heat the water and just use like steam power and stuff like that oh that would be so cool as like one of the discoveries that they made during the war where they were like like a wizard is just like there's magic in all the water yeah and if you like attach these like contacts to it and run a specific current or something like that it's like a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind above they can't be above ground so it's secret no you can't because like I mean the whole principalities like fuck no magic and then probably old sheer or not old sheer but sheer city is probably you know they probably just don't want to like tick them off like they have military I like that some arcanic magic was like amazing old wizard type people live in old sheer that's part of it too probably maybe that's why they seceded because the exodus was happening and then people the exodus happened and people cracked down right on on magic and then they were just like we still have a bunch of magic users here we need to secede and kind of erase because it's like they're so isolated so people don't really know what's happening out there yeah they don't even question they don't ask yeah go up there because they're also scary they're militarized they're like america basically uh okay so we have a better idea of what the north is about weird isolationist magical mechanics yeah secretive kind of advanced machinery electric lights probably yeah either way you're in the back of a truck with a bunch of dogs with a bunch of dogs how can we find out who the driver is can we see this person uh I mean billy could always try and crawl through to the front if you want to so at the back there's like um that's where all the cargo is yeah and then that goes up to like a hatch basically that the driver can pop open to like see how his dogs are doing I just want to see get a glimpse of this driver yeah so I'm gonna roll I guess to certain realities yeah does it go dogs cabin cab I mean it kind of goes like dogs cargo and then cabin and then driver oh so you have to climb back there yeah yeah you're gonna have to actually climb like through the back of the truck like the cargo into the cabin to see this guy is it am I risking falling into the ice just roll it jump in yeah nine nine so you get one question off the list I would like to know what here is useful or valuable to me yeah you pop open the little hatch in the cargo area and then you hop over to the little sill of the hatch in the back of the cabin open that up and uh there's music playing on a music bottle oh nice what kind of music is it sounds like the fantasy version of like credence clearwater revival like it's like I feel better moon rising so pete seger solo yeah it's just like dad music yeah this is how you remind me of what I really am all right no it changed my mind it's it's newer dad music vindicated I'm selfish we're going even younger oh no I'm this is just how many songs I've been like vibing out for yeah somebody I used to know yeah so he's listening to sirius xm 18 countdown.

Billy's been sitting back there for like 30 minutes spying and he's just like, he's got a great taste in music. So tell me about this driver. Are we thinking like older, drinking whiskey out of a flask, gruff dude? Are we talking young, slamming monster energy drinks, trying to pay for school? Writing a novel. Series of novels. I really like older, but we haven't had like a young sort of driver. They've all been kind of gruff dads.

So I kind of want to go for the younger dude who's like in his like early 20s, slamming energy drinks. Probably recently broke up with someone, which is why he's listening to like basically Nickelback and stuff like that. Or he's about to break up with someone. Who knows? He's trying to break up with the person. He's trying to run through all the scenarios. You can't take this anymore, man. You can't just keep walking all over you. You gotta get in there and you gotta say, no more.

Also, I'm on the ice road like six weeks out of the two months. Why did I do it like that? It's so hard. Because when I get home, I need to break up with her, but I'm so horny. So we have sex and then I like her again. And then I'm gone. I don't have time to hate her. No, actually, you know what? Like they have a weird up and down relationship and his six weeks on the road is him working through all of their arguments together until he and like working on himself.

And then he gets home and he's like, I love you. I love you better. That's great. He has a crate full of like therapy bottles for like self-help bottles. Yeah. He also eats like tons of chips from the restaurant Oleg works at. He also goes like he and Oleg are friends and he asks Oleg for a ton of relationship advice and Oleg. He actually got certified as a counselor in prison. Yeah, he's like actually really nice to talk. That's great because he's had a string of terrible relationships.

So he's like, yeah, maybe I can help other if I cannot help Oleg. It's not toxic masculinity to do therapy. And yeah, so he's there's this kid. He's sitting up there early 20s. What does he look like? He's so buff. Okay. All right. Lay out how attractive you think this guy is. I know. I'm sorry. No, this is my fault. Okay. He has to lift all the cargo. He can't afford to like hire another guy just to sit back there. So he's got to unload and load up all the cargo himself.

And sometimes he's got it. Like if there's big chunks of ice on the road, he's got like, like push that off and cut up a bunch of stuff with an axe. I don't know. Yeah, totally. Seems sticking to pick. He looks like a character from Frozen. Kristoff. Oh, yeah. The elk guy. Yeah. He's pretty like thick guy. He's a thick boy. Yeah. He's a human. Yeah. Cool. Yeah. So he's just sitting there. He's slamming chips. Yeah. Crush and energy drink, which I mean, Billy would notice this.

He's drinking out of carbonated cans like he's popping a tab on a carbonated can. Whoa. Arcanic. Yeah. And drinking it. And he's just like fucking rocking out to his music bottle thinking about the fantasy novels that he's working on, which are set in our world. All right. Six friends live in New York City. So. Okay. And so Daniel is good. He's got his boss asked if he could talk to him and Daniel's like, oh, no, now it's going to happen. I'm going to get fired for sure. His friend got it.

He's like, man, you got to stop making up these ridiculous sounding names. New York City. Are you kidding me? Daniel. What the fuck even is a graphic designer? Dude, you can't just make shit up. Unbelievable. So is Billy just going to report back or is he going to try and talk to this guy? I think I'd like to wait. What would what should I do? Second one for sure. Okay. I'll try to talk to him. I think you're going to try and take some of his chips. It's not a bad idea.

I think this is why Billy's been up there for so long because he doesn't know how to introduce all of us. Should we all come up here? He's like, no, that might scare him. He's taking so much responsibility because we were just like, go check out what's going on. And then but we didn't tell you to come back. Right. And I'm stressing out. I'm like, but if it's just me and I disappear, there's going to be no one left to tell them what I saw.

I mean, I feel like once Billy saw this guy who'd be like, okay, I'm not in danger at all. He doesn't know. True, but probably he's looking all around the cab for his like hidden weapons. Maybe he's a murderer. He sees the ice pick and stuff like that and the axes. In his rear view mirror it's like, be a better person. Affirmations written everywhere. There's a lot of like conflicting information. Yeah, but the most important thing is that bag of Doritos. Oh, absolutely.

He's got so many bags of Doritos. Cold ranch. I love the idea of the conflicting information. Billy looking around the cab, cut to a pick axe with a wicked blade. Cut to be a better person on the mirror. Cut to angry music. Cut to self-help bottles. Yeah. Cut to the axe and then bloody meat. I don't know. It's for later. It's for the dogs. Yeah, he's cutting up like raw meat for the dogs in the back. Yeah, and he's like, oh. Cut to the chips. Yeah.

So Billy's like, I'm going to go for the food first because at worst if I get kicked out, at least I ate something. Uh-huh. At least I have two chips worth of calories. Yeah. Okay, so I'd like to secretly get to the open bag of chips. Yeah, 2D6 plus dexterity. And it's a crinkly fucking bag. It's so crinkly. Oh my god. 8. Okay. It is a crinkly bag. Billy's seen a crinkly bag before, so he knows that if he goes for these chips, the guy's going to become aware of you right away.

You can either avoid his attention by not stealing a chip, but if you steal a chip, he is going to become aware of you. Fuck. Okay. I mean, do you have a fairy child? You could always charm him for a while. I don't want to charm him. I want to be my authentic self. Uh-huh. You were about to charm him, then you saw an aphorism written on an air freshener that said be your authentic self. Yeah. Billy's been sitting here for long enough that he transitioned to the bottles, and he's like listening.

All this therapy now, like, yeah, I should just be the real me. So I've already crawled into, like, the driver part of the cabin. So you're sitting next to him, and he doesn't know. Yeah, he hasn't seen me yet. I'm looking at the chips. I'm like, he's going to hear me. So I just ask, excuse me. Whoa! I'm sorry! Scurvy! He immediately starts cut to the back, and we're bouncing. Dogs everywhere. Bouncing. Oh my god. And you guys get slammed around. The car goes secure so it doesn't move.

There's definitely food up there, I say to Doug. He's saying this to me as I'm being dragged out the back because I fell and grabbed a net. Yeah. Oh, nice. Maggie has her arms and legs braced and her core absolutely solid flexed, not moving. I didn't grab a net. I grabbed her cloak. I have a huge armful. I have five, six giant dogs. You're saying, I'm keeping them in the middle because they're bouncing around. And Perel is slamming around like a foosball. You're on your own. Oh my god.

And eventually the truck comes to a screeching. Well, I mean, it's a ski, but it comes to a skiing halt. And the guy starts opening the door and crawling out. He's like, what the fuck? Who are you? No way! Oh my god, how'd you get in here? Oleg, let us up. Oleg, how do I know that you did not take the life of my dear Oleg? Look at this bottle of cinnamon that Oleg gave to me. By his own decision making. Fear not, young boy.

I know that if you bear the cinnamon and then he reaches into his shirt and pulls out another vial of cinnamon. This is great. It means that I can trust you because Oleg trusts you with his cinnamon. And then they touch and it makes a heart. It makes like a ringing crystal. Wow. So we are brothers for life. We are cinnamon bros. Also, I like that Billy's like, I thought I had the only cinnamon. Yeah, he's a little like… So we're cinnamon bros then. Yeah.

Oleg said you could give us a ride up to the north. To Shrew City? Yep. Alright, that's fine. Okay, so just to be clear, it's not just me. I have a few friends in the back. No, we're keeping the dogs entertained. Okay. It's my friend, Ving and Tuck and Perel and Maggie. For any more people back there I should be aware of? Are there any more people? No, that's it. There are only four to five of us.

I gotta say, I'm not super jacked about this because you might not know, Ice Road's a dangerous place. I gotta be really careful with my poundage. For sure. Alright, fine. But if we cross a bridge, you all gotta get out. Aww. No, but then you can get back in on the other side of the bridge. The bridge, probably. Okay. It is a treacherous road, my bro. I've heard. And it is two days, probably, to Shrew City on a good day.

And as you can tell, we don't have a soundscape in this podcast, but it's windy as fuck right now. For sure. Oh, yeah. It's really blustery out there. Yeah, so he hops back in, he closes the door, blocks out the wind. I'm Trevor. My bros call me Trev. Nice to meet you, Trevor. No, no, no, no. And he holds up the cinnamon. You call me Trev. Trev. Nice. My name's Fat Billy, but my bros call me Billy. Nice. I will call you Billy, then. Yeah.

You're welcome to sit up here with me if you want, or go back there. Do you need anything from me? Yeah, could I have a handful of chips? Yeah, sure. Sure, bro. Thank you. You want a, what do they call monster energy drinks? A cold pop. You want a cold pop? Yeah, I want a cold pop. Ice cold pop. And he reaches down through the floor. To a rack of drinks that's hanging out in the open ice. So cold. And he pulls one out, and it's a tall boy can, so it's almost as tall as Billy.

So I have to hold it with both hands, so I put the chips in my pouch. Of course. I say, I'm gonna go back to my friends for now and let them know what I've learned. And then you hear Yes, hello. Hello. Hi, what's up? Hey, we just wanted to make sure Billy was okay. You okay, Billy? He's talking to you through the hatch in the back. I've climbed up on the can. I'm trying to open it. Climbed up on the can? Nice. Trying to rip it open with both hands.

Ving's got his head at the passenger side window. He said he went outside and went around. Get in! And he opens the door, and it's like, Get in here! Have you ever been in the north before? Have I ever been in the north? Look it, I'm wearing no shirt. I took my shirt off to show you how much I'm in the north. That makes me think you haven't been in the north before. And Tuck is like, I also don't have a shirt on.

And he's talking through the little hatch in the back of the thing, and then he just His beard's sticking up under his shirt. And then he moves his body, and then presses a nipple against it. No shirt. Oh my god. Just this kimono and my loin guard. And then he pulls up and presses it. Oh, man, come on. Get that thing out of my window. It's a loin guard. Okay. Yeah, the little… Billy, explain the situation to me. Where are you headed? Sheer City. Perfect. Everything's good. Get in the truck.

Close the fucking door. I'm in. What's all these tapes for? Why'd you come up here? I mean, what's going on here? They're self-help tapes. I'm working on myself. We were concerned about our kid. That's why we came here. You're in the back, and I just saw your dick and balls. Hey, no. It's a loin guard. I didn't show you underneath. Well, I saw a lot of the outline, okay? I'm working on myself, okay? Okay. Me and my girl, we got a pretty up and down kind of thing.

And, you know, I'm not going to say that she's blameless in this, but I need to work on myself, and these tapes are really helping me. I call them tapes because I had to tape the tops of the bottles shut. So they don't leak out so I can listen to them more often. Well, if you ever want to talk, you let me know. Yeah, Ving is a registered counselor. I don't know you at all. I just learned… That's perfect. I'm impartial. That's all you want, man. Oh, fuck. You're right. Okay.

We'll be in the back. Thanks. Thanks for driving. Driver. Driver? Thanks, driver. Trevor. Trevor. My last name is Driver. Trevor Driver. But it's, you know, my whole family… My dad was a driver, my mom was a driver, and my brother's sister's drivers. Your last name is Driver. Yeah. Ah. I knew a halfling back in the Great Forest who was a traveler. Uh-huh. He was a driver. Uh-huh. His name was Mini Driver. There it is. Wow. What a circuitous route.

I could tell by the way you were playing fast and like, I knew a halfling in the Great Forest. I was like, well, I know he knows they don't live there. He's setting something up. Damn it. You related to Mini Driver? Yeah, that's my uncle through marriage. Do you know a guy named Adam? Don't you? I don't fucking say that name. Don't you fucking… Adam tried to steal my fucking girl from me. Whoa, Adam. Hands off. Yeah, right. That's what I'm trying to say.

We have an exclusive thing going on and Adam was like, I'm tall and I have an oddly wide torso. And I've been in some pretty good movies and some pretty bad ones. Adam sounds like a cousin I had. Yeah. Well, not my cousin, but just a cousin. What? What? What? Adam sounds like a cousin I had one time, but not my cousin. Just a cousin. This is Billy trying to relate. He's like, yeah, I have family. Yeah, what about Adam?

Oh, he was going after another dude's girl and they had a big fight in the pig pen. Uh-huh. Adam lost. Oh, no. We don't talk about it. You don't want to lose a fight in a pig pen. You don't want to lose a fight in a pig pen. You lost more than his pride that day. Oh, yeah. Lost his face and head and dick and balls. Face and head and dick and balls. Billy just heard. In that order. Yeah. Face first, then head, then dick, then balls. And then you hear.

And you look over and Tuck has like one of the bags of chips and he's eating it in the. Hey, did you get that out of the crate? No, I got it from in here. Oh, you got a long arm. Yeah, dude. I'm pretty big. You haven't seen the whole of me yet. It's going to be impressive. It will be surprising. And just to give you a heads up, I am in a bulk face. So I love the idea that Tuck has to caution somebody who hasn't seen his full scale. I'm really big. So don't freak out when you see me.

You can't freak out. Okay. You've just seen my face. I am monstrously huge. Okay. So I'm going to drive now. Is that okay? With everybody? That's great. That's cool. We're going to hang out here. We like you. Oh my God. All right, fine. But nobody talked during my tapes. Okay. Okay. Okay. And he reaches over and he peels back the tape on one of them and he pops it. It's like, welcome back to loving the you. You love to you. You can't really edit what goes into a bottle.

Sean's never listened to a self-help tape. It's all one take. You have to like, put your hand over the bottle. Oh man. That's why good songs are so well traded because they're like, that was an amazing take. They didn't fuck it up at all. Everything was in key. And he, yeah, he starts heading down the road. I'd say this, this is an opportunity to learn things either about the state of the North or the world really, because he's a tracker.

He's probably heard some stuff about what's going on all over the place or to learn things about the environment, which is my way of saying, if you want to Spout Lore or discern, realities now is the time. Hey, what have you learned about what, why, what are these posters for? Have you heard anything about this? Like this? I have one of my wanted posters, but he's still in disguise. You know what?

Now that I'm looking at this poster, the general shape of your face is very similar to the shape of this guy's face. Me. What do you mean? This is me. What do you mean? I don't know. I'm wanted. What do you mean? Where have you seen these roll a two D six plus charisma? Oh God. Billy. Billy. Stop mid pop. Like yeah. And tucks up mid crunch. 10. Holy shit. Good job. He reaches into his shirt and pulls out a little vial of cinnamon on a chain.

He goes, you're lucky you have shared this information with me. A cinnamon bro. Destroy that poster. If you know, it's good for you. He eats it slow. So slowly bites little bites. I just did a poster 20 minutes ago. Billy lifts up his pot to you. Oh, thank you so much. Billy. You drink it and it tastes like it tastes like a poultice smells. It's like medicinal in its strength. Oh my God. This is like a virgin Jaeger Meister. I love this. So it's red bull. Yeah.

So Billy pops up in the, in the little face hole now and his pupils are just, Oh God, dude, Billy, you tell me you haven't been drinking this stuff. Oh, I had half. That's a big half. I can see. All the way to the forest. Tell me Trev, what sort of things do you find across the roads? What do you want to know? What sort of dangers have you encountered? Yeah. Speller two to six plus intelligence. Seven. Okay. So he looks at the poster again as Ving is finishing eating it very slowly.

Oh, I'm, I'm, I'm, I have a stack of these things. Kind of eat all of them. You can destroy posters in other ways, dude. No, this is this. He's right. This is the safest way to destroy a poster. Give me one of those. Challenge. Bros. Gentlemen, bros. And then tuck doesn't want to be left out. So he reaches in and grabs one too. Yeah. Here. Any hands, a couple back to Billy. Give those to the other one. One's back there. No problem. We all have to eat them. Feed them to the dogs. Yeah.

He just drops them behind him and he's, his eyes are straight. A little, a little, a little too. Askew. Yeah. The East and West meet. So what he knows is, um, things are getting pretty, pretty rough out there. It's a shame, but from what I've heard, war is coming to the principalities. What? Yeah. Things are getting pretty bad. I'm sure, you know, like the weather's been all over the place. There's been strange occurrences kind of across the lands. Whoa.

No, we didn't, we didn't know anything about that. Even this, this storm, any points up. This is a, I mean, you know, it's the north, but this is unseasonable in terms of its power. And I've been hearing that there's been a destruction in the smaller communities of the north storm sweeping through great shadows in the skies and whatever's been going on in the principalities. One of the Princeps, has taken this opportunity to make a move on a neighboring territory. Oh fuck. Oh no. Yeah.

So things are getting pretty dicey up here too. So, uh, the northern forces have really locked down on people and, you know, a lot more checkpoints than usual. And, uh, these, and he shoves another poster in his mouth. I wouldn't be surprised if this was related to it somewhat. Oh God, what stock is that? They're laminated. Oh, I can tell. Oh, dude, not going down easy, bro. We're going to have terrible shits later. We're not going to have any shits later.

So, you know, it's a good thing you're in disguise, but you know, I'd keep your head down. Do you know anything? Why? Who's, who's putting these posters? No, no, no. I mean, nothing. Why? Why is it unusual? Like I assume you did something. Um, you can tell me I'm not a cop. I'm wait a second. I'm not, I'm going to say I trust you, but I'm just going to keep this one a little close to the chest. For now, if you don't mind. Yeah, no worries.

Let's say I need to work on myself a bit before I talk to you about this. He nods sagely. I wonder if there's, uh, there's also, because like they're gearing up for war in the principalities, like production of like military equipment and old sheer has like kicked up. Oh yeah, probably. I think so. They're getting a lot of orders in. Yeah. So maybe that's another thing.

Uh, Trevor says he's like, yeah, I'm going to drop off a bunch of, um, food in old sheer, but I'm picking up a shipment of, uh, of, of weapons and armor, taking them back down South. Really? Yeah. War is mechanizing again. Yeah. I mean, that is the old sheer way. Whenever there is conflict, sheer city is there to make a buck, you know? So it's bloated in population right now too. There's people coming in. Yeah. A lot of workers coming up, a lot of travel on the ice roads.

That's kind of good for us. Then there'll be less likely to find us if there's a ton of people going in and out. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. Can I spell her about something? Yeah, everybody can. So what is it? Plus intelligence? You know that negative one. I got a seven. Okay. So what is, what is, what does Tuck ask? Uh, has any, do you know of anyone or have you, cause you've been like on the road this whole time, right? Yeah.

You ever seen any like huge birds that cause thunder, lightning or whatever around? I mean, do you mean thunderbirds? I do mean thunderbirds. They are a thing that people know about existing. I think, you know, of thunderbirds. Yeah. Giant birds are hard to miss. But I saw, I saw, and he gets really conspiratorial. He hunches down. So one night I was driving the ice road. These things pretty much drive themselves. I'm guessing. Oh, do they?

And he crosses his arms in front of his chest and the wheel starts to turn. And then the whole 18 wheeler kind of structure of it starts listing to the side. No, it's okay, everybody. Don't worry. These things drive themselves. You keep taking your eyes off. You're, you're crouching down. You're crouching down. Telling us a story. Not watching. That's a great point. Seems to be doing. You seem to be doing a lot that I can't see. You're a great driver driver to thank you.

And he puts his hand on the wheel and immediately writes the truck. Yeah, I've been doing this for a long time, bro. Oh, it's almost four months. And that is after three months of having my license revoked. So I'm doing pretty good. Are you an owner operator? Yeah, this is my, he slaps the side of his chair. This is my baby right here. That's awesome. Yeah, man. I am a hundred percent for reliance, baby. That's sick. You know what that means? No taxes. That's what a hundred percent profit. Baby.

That's not what that means. A hundred percent profit. Anyways, any hunches down, it gets really conspiratorial. One night driving the ice roads. I was trekking halfway between the rosin yields and the white waist. The clouds grew dark. It was dark or it was nighttime. So it was already dark, but I could tell the clouds were even darker than that. All of a sudden, as if from nowhere, lightning right above me, whoa, heel of thunder and descending through the cloud cover.

Um, massive bone white Thunderbird, the biggest bird I've ever seen in my fucking life, bro thing had to be a really, really big bird. And just as I was, I swear to God, I swear to God, just as I was looking at it, it looked at me and it winked and then it went back up into the clouds and it was gone. It sounds like cloud piercer. He loved to perform. Yeah, I was really slamming energy drinks at the time though, though. So that might've been an embellishment on my brain's part.

Did you notice any stones upon its brow? Yeah, it was dark, so I couldn't see the color of his gem. All I saw was the reflections of the lightning. Really intense story. It was fucking bad ass. And tuck pops a boner boner. You hear it smack against the wall, the whole truck tips a little bit, but the, but that like he kind of has been like opening the top of a, the bottle slowly. So music is slowly creeping in.

And then when he says it was fucking bad ass, he opens it all the way and it goes, give me fuel, give me fire, give me that, which I desire. Wow. And he just starts slamming his head up and down. Hold on fuckers. Yeah. The shot shifts to outside as he shifts gears or whatever. When he shifts gears, it puts down different skis. Oh, cool. And that is how you pass the night on that first day is him telling you, telling you about war, telling you about the giant Thunderbird.

He saw we tell him stories too. Yeah. What do you got? It was one time. Tuck got beat up by a woman in a cave. Uh huh. Yeah. This lady beat him up. Got him real good. Yeah. And then I think you, you got some good shots in there, pal. What, what is the situation? Are you talking about? I was a whale. You drank way too many. Everybody's just slammed on these. Billy's now all pupil. His eyes are completely, completely black. He's not even like there. He's astrally projecting.

He's in like fairy realm. He drank so many energy drinks. He crossed over. Yeah. He's shadow dancing right now. And, uh, Tuck tells him a story about the battle of land Springs. Cool. Yeah. I tell him about that. Cool. But I don't say it's us. I say, I heard about these three guys that, that like did, I guess I'm trying to like expand ever since Pharaoh was like, people are telling the tales of you guys. I've, I've been like, kind of like putting it in there. Classic bird. Yeah.

And then I get to the part and it's like, and then as they put the Saffron rope around him, he burst into flame and it turns out he was the demon of zealotry the whole time. What the fuck? I know. Right. We couldn't believe it either. I mean, they couldn't believe it either. Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Oh, tux pupils are huge.

It's What, what, that doesn't really shut the fuck and just listen to what him questioning the timeline. I think, Paul, you haven't, Irving hasn't rolled discern realities or Spout Lore. If you got the urge. Yeah, I wanted to know about the army that his dad has been gathering. What have you heard of the building of the army? Has Nathaniel been building an army? Yeah, he's getting garrisons and soldiers from all over the north. He's making it disparate. Is he? Where did this come from?

I don't know. I made a note. Okay. Yeah, go ahead and roll. I'm not 100% sure. 11. 11. Holy shit. Maybe it's not a full army yet. Yeah. No, he's building his followers. He's gathering his followers. Yeah, totally. Yeah, I mean, as far as I know, I haven't seen much. I haven't dealt with rangers much. Most people don't. Those guys kind of stick to their forest, but I do know that a lot of Trekers… Okay, there have been a couple that have gone missing. I'm going to be straight up with you.

Truckers have been going missing? Yeah, like whole treks just gone. It's part of the reason the road's so dangerous these days. Like they find their wreckage or gone without a trace? They leave one stop and they never arrive at the next one. Hmm. And I don't know what's the deal there, but something's happening. There's something going on in the woods. I don't know. They're getting pissy. So people who have to travel near the woods are going missing. That seems to be the situation.

Well, I hope you stay safe. Hey, thanks, man. Appreciate it. And then he pops a bottle and it's I Will Always Love You by Dolly Parton. How does that go? It was one of the shitty takes. The I part goes on for way too long. But okay, so interesting and useful. So maybe he tells you like exactly where there's been a certain site where a bunch of them have been going missing. People have ice trackers have the union of ice trackers has said they're no longer taking that route.

Oh, yeah, there's a route that's like closed. Yeah, I like that. And it is near a region of the forest that Ving is familiar with called my brain said bone city bone city. It is. I mean it's like like all dead trees but former it's a burned out forest that the whole thing just looks like skeletons. Oh, I like it bone city. It's actually called bone city. Yeah. All right. Yeah. Yeah. Bone city is not the word that I know for it. I just know it is. No, I call it bone city.

I'm the kind of guy that would love calling a thing. Yes, it's part of the forest. I call it bone city because it looks like a bunch of bones and yeah, they close out whole route down dunzo. Don't know why but if I had to guess as an amateur author myself an imagineer maybe there's like something out there. They're like looking for and they don't want people fucking around in there. How far is bone city from the old sheer or from sheer city from sheer city three days. Okay. Yeah. Okay.

Thank you. Two and a half days. Now three depends on how many drinks I had more drinks means faster because I get more reckless and if I'm listening to free bird it's two days because I'm free. That's free falling free bird. Yeah. So that's pretty much, you know, the situation that I know about that. Those guys scare me. Do you know anybody who's gone missing personally? Not personally, but like a friend of a friend's brother's friend did go missing. Oh no. Yeah.

It's pretty shit, but he's he's like a union guy. So his family got taken care of. Oh, there's a union. Yeah. Truckers Union. Oh, cool. Good for you. Now, fuck them. What the fuck dude? He's freelance. I'm freelance, baby. I'm not paying fucking dues. So you're do you think the union dues are the taxes? Yeah, man, they're not taking my taxes. Okay. You don't know what taxes are that nobody knows what taxes are, man. It's just the thing that the government like does to you, bro.

Government the truckers union or you're not listening. This guy is working. He's operating so illegal. He's not even aware. He's outside the line. How broke how criminal he is. I'm freelance baby all the way the union. They kick me out and that's on them and they don't get my taxes anymore. I get my taxes and I pay them to the good old country of us and me us and you know me just me. Maybe he's also like the union can't tell me where to go. So he's going to be taking a delivery there.

Oh, I'm going back through Bone City because they can't stop because he can make mega bucks do. Yeah, take a short contract jam through Bone City. Then you can take like six months off be with your lady. Oh, that's the dream bro. Really work things out. Yeah work things out or break up with her. Finally. Well, we'll see depends on how much I get through these tapes. Did your lady have like a sister or something? I don't know man. I literally don't know. It's never come up once.

You need to ask more questions, my man. Yeah, I probably do. That's what tape three is about asking more questions and I'd say like on the morning of that second day is everybody's kind of chilling in the cab or do you go in the back or what Billy's in the back with Maggie and Pearl now that he's like back to normal and he's telling them like I need to stay away from those pops. That was something else. I went very far away. What? Yeah, you definitely shouldn't have those drinks anymore.

Billy, I'm going to keep an eye on you and you guys are hanging out with Trevor. You in the back we go to the back. Okay, perfect. Big is crashing hard. Okay, great. Those drinks. So Tuck is trying to stay awake though. Oh, yeah, because he doesn't want to dream. Right? Yeah, that makes sense. So Tuck's a little off right now. Yeah, just in general because on the morning of the second day, I think we'll talk you would notice because you're trying to stay awake.

You feel the truck start to rumble as it slows down. Oh, and he climbs out the back and around to like look at what's going on. You so you get out of the truck. No, just like I don't get out. I hang out the back. Yeah, you hang out the back and you immediately see a group of people in those cop uniform. Okay. And officers I duck back here. Give me a defy danger dexterity. Okay, there was a people people. Oh, that's right. Okay, I got two ones in my decks is zero to two.

So can I do anything about it? I mean, you can maybe do something about what happens. Open the thing. There they are. Yeah, you hear Trev like leaning out his window talking to one of these guards. Did they see him? Pawtuck for sure. Yeah, these two snake guys mean they're snake guys. These snake guys so you hear I mean I thought maybe this would be a tense little substribution thing. Sorry, you know, this is perfect. You do hear them go.

Hey, and then a couple like three guards start running over to you. Um, I would like to use create convincing illusion. I have two fairy childs left. I create a convincing illusion that the back of this is empty fully empty not fully empty, but like just the dogs like a bag of beans that looks like a man so that they'll be like, oh, is that bag of beans? That's a great idea thing. Bag of beans ducked out of there and shut the door.

Beans are flopping around all over the place in the back of my lorry. Get in tight everyone. Okay, make us into look like a big old bag of beans. Everybody lies down on tuck like and then he hugs all of them. Uh-huh. And the guards come around and they like skid to a halt and look in the back and they look very confusing. They go. I could have I could have sworn this was there is a person back here, but he looked at me yet dude.

That's a bag of beans and Trevor comes around the other side and he says yeah, so like I was telling you guys, I'm just going up to sheer city Holland and he comes around and sees the back a big bag of beans. And other things. So I guess that's it. Oh yeah, I get all right fine and they go back around to the front of the truck to continue their conversation about getting through. They ask him for his union card. Oh, they ask him for his union card.

I don't have one because the union is a bunch of jackbooted thugs that are trying to take my taxes away from me to pay for their duties. It's not happening and it's about 20 minutes of him ranting about the union and then he comes around back and looks very confusedly at the bag of beans and then closes the back of his truck and all the dogs get out because the winds died down and he hooks the dogs up and then the truck jolts forward as it starts to move. Oh fuck. Good move Billy. Thanks.

Don't fucking hang your head out in the back again. Language. Sorry Billy. Sorry. We're all a little scared right now. But can we all just please stop fucking yelling? I have such a headache. Sorry thing. We gotta stop drinking these energy drinks guys. It's tearing us apart. We water should have brought more water. Yeah, we're also cranky. Yeah, we gotta stop drinking these energy drinks. This is the last one. This is the last one. I swear to God.

Can we go up to the front tuck can't because he'd have to cram himself through without being spotted. Uh, but Trevor's like, oh man, that was what the fuck where that big bag of beans come from. Yeah. I wonder where now you can tell me I'm a cinnamon. Right cinnamon bro. You're right. You got our back. I got some moves. You know, I I can do some things like like if I'm really scared I can like hide or I can make light sometimes if it's dark I make a little like wicker the wisp. Yeah.

Um, well yeah. Fucking word. So you're like a little organic. You're like a little organic guy. You got a little gadgets and gizmos on you. No, more like a fairy scream. He just goes up tight and he looks forward. What's going on with you? Your demeanor has changed Trevor. Um, but I'm Trevor. I'm I'm afraid why are you afraid? We're cinnamon bros. I know I'm afraid of fairies. Why are you afraid of all the stories I've heard is a lot. Oh boy. Oh my God. Fairies do that.

So to like on purpose to make people afraid we don't actually have to convince me somehow. Okay, so I'm too afraid now. I'm gonna roll 2d6 plus charisma to convince all of my tapes have taught me to express my emotions. So I'm feeling fear right now. I'm feeling in danger and I'm feeling like I'm about to pee my little pants a 10. Oh, okay.

I just do nice stuff and I'm like making like a little will of the wisps and I turned some of like the chip bag into like a bit of a bigger chip bag bigger chip bag. I picked up a handful of dust and crumbs. I made them into like one big chip, you know, just normal nice stuff normal stuff delicious chip based magic. So this is like half an hour of you doing like little tricks and stuff for Trev. I'm pretty harmless. You know, maybe once long long long ago.

I was a bit scarier, but now I'm pretty nice and I'm really only scary if you hurt me which because we're cinnamon bros. I know you won't I would never hurt a cinnamon bro. It is against the sworn vow that I've taken. Absolutely. But for a non-union guy he's really into this guild of cinnamon bros. Oleg told me not to swear a vow but I swore it anyways and now I'm a cinnamon bro for life. It's really good though Trevor to know what your emotions are and to like see them.

My emotions are that I am fearful, but I am hopeful and that I am choosing to trust my cinnamon bro for now despite the fact that he says he is a fairy which is confusing to me because it does not align with what I understand about fairies because he looks like a low guy. But isn't what all the work you've been doing and trying to change your understanding of what you believe before like this is what you've been doing, right?

It's changing your understandings of things and this is moving towards making you a bigger better person son of a bitch being your absolutely right. I am trying to change who I am about myself understand open the hands of another. Thank you so much. I'm starting to flag and he just he reaches over while not taking his eyes off the road and puts a hand on Billy's shoulder goes. Thank you for helping me overcome temporarily my prejudices against the fairies and my fear of them.

I feel like I've made a real bro today in addition to a cinnamon bro. Oh, yeah, man. We're bros for life bros for life. I'll prove to you. You got nothing to fear Trev bump and you continue on down the ice road thing. You're sitting in the cab looking out the window as you pass a cups of trees.

You're outside the great forest now, but there's still tree cover here and there and as the the sun glitters off the snow and ice hanging from the branches your reflexes for just a moment catch movement in the air and then just below the window slamming into the wood an arrow. And that's where we're gonna end it this week. Fuck. Whoa. I'm your game master Sean O'Hara joining me as always playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian Abdul Aziz so long playing being the half elf druid Paul Hoppers.

Take care playing fat Billy the halfling thief Jessica tie by everyone. Thank you to Aaron Reed of Vancouver Sunday service for our intro and outro music. You can find all the music performed on the show at SoundCloud and you can find Aaron's album at Aaron Reed dot band camp dot com. Thank you to all of our patreons supporters around the world for supporting the show. If you want to support the show and get access to bonus audio content outtakes art and a whole bunch more.

You can find us at patreon.com slash Spout Lore or Spout Lore dot com slash money, please. We'll see you next time. And so ends the tale of adventures three who tried the best they can dumb and scared and lost baby for times of breast in revelry and though our journey may be like a conclusion we will not leave you without a resolution return next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores and for you I'd gladly have a good time and I'll see you next time. Bye. Bye. Bye.