Episode 4 – Flotsam

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes, noble and bold. A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old. You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring. So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing. Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight. Fingers have health, he shifts his shape, and wields a spear with great might. Billy's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart.

Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts. So gather round friends, and listen close, for the tale's about to start. Welcome to Spout Lore. I'm your guest. I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara. And with me as always, playing Tacoma Dome, the… I thought I was doing so well. You fucking idiot, I hate you. I thought I was doing so well. I don't know, there was a creak in the chair. I was like, it's a nice, smooth, calm intro. And I fucked it up instantly.

That's so funny. Playing Tacoma Dome, the barbarian, Abdulaziz. Hello everybody. Playing Fat Billy, the halfling thief, Jessica Tai. Hello everybody. And playing Ving, the half-elf druid, Paul Oppers. Hi there. When last we left our heroes, they sailed the ocean blue. They left hither and yon, the… Folk duo. Yeah, the itinerant folk duo. Now the on again, off again, haunt of Chimes the sailor to find the itinerant wizard, Perel. He's in the wind.

Supposedly at a pillar in the Sea of Graves known as the Eye of the Storm, which is the center of the Sea of Graves. It's kind of been suggested. Yeah, it's the nexus point for the storm. The weird shit that's going on. Yeah. Yeah, it's the pillar is pulling things from different realities. It kind of sounds like to create the storm. I didn't think about that, but that would be cool too. That sounds cool. Because I think it was Jessica described it as like clouds like coming down. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, I thought of them like swirling down. It's like just sucking all this like energy and power from it. Oh, so yeah, maybe that is connected to like other worlds. Yeah. Yeah, it could be. And on that voyage where they were given loan of Chimes' skiff, the Calm, they set off to find Perel at the Eye of the Storm. Also, supposedly the roost of the King of the Thunderbirds. Allegedly. Allegedly. Pretty cool. And on that voyage saw a big crab and escaped. Saw a big dragon. Talked to it.

Received a scale. A mother of pearl scale. Perel. From the dragon, whose name was Cerulean Depths, seen from Great Heights. Pretty cool name for a dragon. Thank you. Yeah. Who agreed to see what she could do to find out where Perel might be in exchange for telling people how amazing she is. Yeah. Yeah. You were going to go around and spread the word. The shine of the mother of pearl scale acts as a mirror to her greatness. Oh. Oh, yeah. Beautiful. That's a lyric in a song. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's a lyric in a song. Remember that for next time. Yeah. Also, you guys failed like a lot of roles. Do we? Yeah. That doesn't sound like us. You failed a bunch. Weird. You were trying to do spelt lores and discern realities and all this to figure out about the… Right. To find… Learn stuff about the dragon and it was just like fail, fail, fail. I love it.

And the last thing that happened was in the distance, you saw the lights of what looked like a town built up around a pillar. And that is where we find you now. You are just bobbing around in the water. And you have spotted lights in the distance. What do you do? Should we like go there? I don't know. I'm kind of hungry. Yeah. You smell in there. Yeah. Oh, God. I smell fries. It's quite far away.

It's one of those things where you know how when you see lights really far away, they kind of shimmer. And based on all the failures you had at the end of last session, Tuck, as you're looking at these lights in the distance, you feel a rustling in your beard. Who's Russell? Russell is gently tickling your beard. There's a man. There's a man named Russell crouched underneath you, tickling your chin going, hi. But you feel the brass ring braided into your beard moving ever so slightly.

Discern realities. I want to discern my beard. Discern realities. 2D6 plus wisdom. Three. How quick that failure came. That might have been a rancor. What a great start. Okay. Yeah. So Tuck. Here's what happens. So he feels like he's in the middle of the road. He's like, I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Submerged during the crash and how awful it felt how like biting cold how oppressive the pressure of the ocean and how aggressively it was dragging you down but this close to the boat it doesn't feel that it's easier to swim for one thing so you find yourself kind of a piss in the water and then you're dragged immediately 50 feet down the disrespect the sea of graves feels cannot be overstated I throw him a rope well so here's what happens you your head pops up above the surface of the water you see your friends and the boat and you think lucky me and you turn to the right looking the way that you came and see a massive wall of clouds rolling hard coming at you as fast as it possibly can faster than you could believe and it appears the storm of the sea of graves has found you I so yeah you're gonna be able to get on but the storm is gonna overtake you shit because you have failed all of you a lot yeah for so long so much fail you failed like incredibly thank you so you get on the boat and you start moving like you remember how to use the runes because you're getting used to them now the runes used to pilot the boat we've kind of just been using one rune which is move yeah which is wind forward yeah it's like when you give an old person a smartphone and they're like but which one of these is the telephone and you're like I've been fucking texting you dad what the fuck is wrong how did you not figure this out yeah yeah so you are able to get back in the boat and get moving the storm is moving at an incredible rate and as the winds pick up as the storm gets closer you see the wind in your sails drop away and you're like oh my god I'm gonna die I'm gonna die like while the wind is blowing at you the wind in your sails is almost being taken away from you so you're doing everything you can to get this boat moving you're like pulling on lines and the boats rocking back and forth and then smearing random runes just touching every shape jack in the box pops up in the back why would you have this rune on here this way it just turned it turns to cheese for like a second and then back and you're like what the fuck the boat turned to no no no that's stupid he's like was that cheese and before you get there you're like oh my god I'm gonna die and then you're like oh my god I'm gonna die and then you're like oh my god I'm gonna die you're able to get truly underway the storm is upon you the area around you goes dark and the sound of the wind is almost deafening there's lightning crashing in the distance but the runes on the boat are keeping the area immediately around you relatively calm but it's incredibly hard to see so what do you do should I call upon the bird see if I can see through his eyes yeah totally I'm gonna try and see through the bird's eyes uh you don't need to roll for that you can just see through the bird's eyes and you're like oh my god I'm gonna die and then you're like oh my god I'm gonna die and then you're like oh my god I'm gonna die and then you're like oh my god I'm what do your bird's eyes see where has your bird been where do you think your bird would be hanging out on the tops okay so is it nearby do you think no because remember he took he told him to go rest so he went to a rookery far far away okay so are there other birds here there are I believe you so yeah you just see through the bird's eyes he's doing that like nestle bird thing where his wings are folded up and his talons are folded up underneath him and there are like three or four other thunderbirds nearby with different markings different sizes and well are you trying to communicate with the bird yeah I guess just like asking him for help because we need help navigating and he's good for travel he is though stubborn yep so you get this resistance when you're thinking about like please come help me like please the bird's like ah I like you get the feeling that I don't think I'm quite done resting I just want to stay here I just want to I just got settled in a bigger bird is barfing into his mouth it's just like I cannot leave we're about to start barfing into each other's mouths I don't want to miss that yeah this is shrimp scampi so the bird will come to you it's gonna just take a while okay so yeah what are you guys doing like you are in the middle of the storm can I like put my hands in the water to like try to feel like are we still going in the right direction yeah like a discern realities to me okay also your beard is pulling you even though you failed it yeah I can still kind of feel which direction we're going so that sounds like an aid oh my god doesn't even matter holy shit how are we doing this oh my god this is just this is just we're getting back into it god we're cursed okay so another storm comes along a bigger storm comes and beats up the storm that was chasing you at first we're like yeah we're gonna be okay but then we're like yay thanks I'm the storm now oh no so oh man so how does billy fail um bad badly by the way trying to think of something where I don't die that's a good place to start okay so billy's leaning over the side to put his hands in the water what would be a devastating thing for billy to lose his hands I mean a shark swims up bite both your hands off um well what what would be a devastating thing for billy to lose his hands what else could I lose the fanny pack no what mirrors isn't in it francis isn't in it that's true yeah I could lose the fanny pack but that's the fucking vase yeah oh sorry I really wish you didn't tell me that it's the fanny pack it's got a fucking monster in it oh my god okay so I I'm like I have got my fucking guitar in it I'm sorry oh you have all the towels I stole fuck okay yeah lean over the boat and like I really have my porcinis oh okay so yeah billy leans over yeah billy leans over and because he really has to reach he's like hanging like most of his body over into the water and he has to like force himself back and the boat catches the bag and rips it off yeah and sploosh right into the water into the water sinks into the midnight black waters of the sea of graves I throw up because I'm so scared to tell talking thing that I lost the bag oh billy you're sick bud oh do you want some ginger here I've got some ginger I lost the bag sorry what I lost the bag the bag fell off is that another word for saying I threw up no you lost the tent billy the vase was in the tent I know all of our stuff was in the I'm so sorry ving turns around is like you deal with this I can't even right now I I kneeled down and I picked billy up but I'm like hey it's fine no it's not it's fine I know you're lying to me I'm patting him on the back and I'm like it's okay like I'm sure we could find another extra dimensional house billy no billy it's better that you're safe no it's not And then I lift his raccoon skin shirt up And I blow a raspberry on his belly Don't do that It makes me feel worse I take a granola out of my backpack And I give it to him Okay I love that all this is happening As the boat is like bucking back and forth Hey, this is important Yeah He has to understand that Just because he loses a thing Of great value Doesn't mean we're mad at him Right, Ving?

Mad? It's good that Billy's safe, right, Ving?

Well, I mean, of course But he was safe before he lost the fucking bag No, it's cool And it's just stuff As this conversation is happening You're all like having a family moment A teaching moment And you feel the boat get shoved to the side Oh, shit And you can see on the edge of the field Oh, shit Oh, shit Oh, shit Oh, shit Oh, shit Oh, shit Oh, shit Oh, shit Oh, shit Oh, shit Oh, shit Oh, shit Oh, shit Oh, shit Oh, shit Oh, shit Oh, shit Oh, shit Oh, shit You can see around Like on the edge of the field That the runes create on the boat You can see fingers of the storm pushing through What?

Like basically like a little wisp of storm cloud Pushing through closer It looks like the storm is trying to bust through Whatever magical field the runes are creating Oh, it's moving in through the field of calm It's trying to get at you Oh Oh, we gotta get out of here Forget about the bag Yeah, what do you do? Oh, shit Doesn't Ving know some roomies? Runes? Can he carve a new rune? Tell me, man. I want to carve a rune with my crystal fingers. A rune of a lighthouse rune. Oh, sick. Yeah.

That's a really cool idea. I was thinking the rune makes the home fires burn brighter. That's what it looks like. Yeah, I like the idea that it helps illuminate where you want to go. We're trying to go. How would you know? What if it's like you know a not as old rune as what's on there? Oh, yeah. Urban dictionary rune.

Yeah, I think with a successful role of a Spout Lore or a defied danger, and if you told me how you knew this stuff, like where you learned it, then there could be a case made for you altering runes or something like that. Although Chimes probably isn't going to be super happy that you're altering the runes on his boat. When would you have learned runes? Would it be from your mom or from your dad? It would have been from his dad. Oh, that's cool.

Because the runes were used by the royal families. Oh, yeah. We talked about rune magic way, way back in the Mudlark adventure as being based on dialects of Elven. So sick. It's sort of like when royalty learns Latin and stuff like that. Yeah. Yeah. Give me a 2d6 plus intelligence for Spout Lore. Okay, no problem. Are you sure about that? Six. Failed. Eight. How? Maybe Billy has seen runes before or knows. Billy's probably seen them before.

I wonder if maybe people could have carved random runes throughout the place he grew up. Maybe even when he was a tree, they'd been carved on him. Oh, yeah. That'd be kind of cool. That is really cool. Yeah, people would carve eons ago runes like an offering or a prayer to the sun to come out. And they would do that on trees as a way to encourage the light. You know, like in Ireland, Ogham? Yeah, totally.

Yeah, so like the ancient Celts, they had a language that was only written and they wrote it on wood. And it was a very organic scrawl. So it's even older than the… The runes that Ving knows. So Billy's like, I can't translate it, but this is what it looked like. Yeah, because you know what the precursor language looked like. Ving's able to be like, that was the one. That one. Small circle with a big circle and then a line going up. Yeah. Cool. Wow, guys. This is unbelievable. Holy fuck. Fuck.

Fuck. How are these rolls so… It's such a sick story, too. So what happens? I don't know. Oh, you know what? I wonder if… Like the boat just rocks to… Like it bucks again and like… As he's carving it? Yeah. Totally. And he screws up and does the wrong rune. Yeah. Yeah, it's like he's carving and the boat bucks and his hand slips and carves through like other runes on the boat. Shit. Well, it is a hard fail. So something bad has to happen to you. I wonder if like the…

Like the shield of calm splits a bit. I think on a hard fail, like it has to be… Like there's a consequence. Oh, like one of us has to take damage or something? It might be all of you take some damage. Like the storm comes in and like… And it's just battering you. Like it's battering all three of you. Okay. Shit. Yeah, that's fine. Take damage. Yeah. Okay. D10. Oh, six. Oh, man. Five. Three. Okay. Okay.

Pillars of cloud break through the area of calm surrounding the skiff and the wind just whips up in volume and in intensity. And you're all… And you're all… And you're all battered around. It feels like shards of something are coming through the wind. Ice. Slicing. Oh, yeah. Ice. Oh, like hail? Shit. It hurts so much. Yeah. Yeah. They're hitting you like fucking pistol shot. Like it's just… Birdshot. Yeah. Wow. So you're like bleeding, like tucked blood runs into your eye. Oh, man.

And it's just a really fucking bad situation. So it's kind of a now or never thing, guys. You got to find a way to get through. How long is it going to take for the bird to get here? Oh, the bird. Yeah. It's on its way. I was going to say I could try a scape route, but the bird is on its way. Oh, a scape route, though. A scape route is very relevant. We can use the bird that can come into play. Can you read me a scape route again? Yeah.

When you're in too deep and need a way out, which we do, name your escape route and roll plus dexterity. On a 10 plus, you're gone. On a seven to nine, you can stay or go. But if you go, it costs you. Leave something behind or take something with you. The GM will tell you what. Is this like a Billy magic kind of thing? Yeah. Maybe he is so scared for everyone. Yeah. Because he's coming fully into his identity as a fairy. His control over his magic is becoming stronger, probably. Yeah.

And because it's so instinctual, he's so afraid right now. Yeah. It's a total flight or fight thing. Yeah. All right. Man, I'm so glad that you took a scape route before this session. Yeah. I figured I'd need it. This is it. This is it. Two to six plus. Dexterity. Nine. I don't know if anyone's aid. Yeah. Yeah. The bird. The bird. The bird. So it's still going to be a bond roll for you. So two to six plus bond, but the bird will come. Oh, my God. Give me that one. Ten. Yes. Oh, good God. Wow.

Shit. Fuck yeah. Yeah. What a fucked up situation. So how does Billy do this? How does Billy find the way? I don't know. I just kind of imagine if magic were to be pulsing out of him and maybe the bird feels it or. Oh, yeah. Because we were talking about how the thunderbirds are attracted to the sea of graves because of the magical field there. And that's why they roost at the eye of the storm. So they navigate using the magic field.

Maybe in that moment, I wish Perel was there and I'm calling out to him and then the bird comes instead. Yeah. Yeah. So is that like? Yeah. Yeah. Like Ving through the eyes of the bird, like you can feel how it identifies wind currents sort of instinctually. And as it's plunging through this absolute pitch black storm, you can feel it sense a magical current in the direction that you know the boat to be.

And just as the storm is like cracking through this room, you can feel you can hear wood on the boat splintering as runes on the boat are destroyed by the storm by the storm. Whoa. And just. Just as the storm is starting to get you, the Thunderbird appears above you. Wings spread wide, talons bite into the prow of the boat, and it beats its powerful wings through this wall of cloud. Ah! There is like another 30, 40 minutes where you're all just basically cowering in the bottom of this boat.

And eventually, after a long, scary time, you hear closer than you expected. Clang, clang. Clang, clang. Clang, clang. We look around. I want a light. I want to have a light. Do I have a light? Do we have a light? Can you start a fire? Adventuring gear? Oh, you have Tuck's axe. Axe. Axe light up. Axe light. Yeah. So I pull the axe off my back and I hold it up. Cool. The amethyst light pulses through the clouds. And you hear, ship, ship in the distance.

And the bird pulls you further into the storm. And eventually, you hear. A splash next to you. And you look. There's a rope going off into the clouds. And there's a heavy metal hook on the end of it. That starts to sink out of sight. I grab the hook. Defy danger. Dexterity to grab the hook in time. Okay. Eight. Okay. The hook is getting reeled in so quickly. You reach into the water. You grab this heavy iron hook.

And it's getting reeled up so fast that you don't think you'll have time to actually hook it into the boat. The only way is to hold on. Okay. Yeah. I grab. I grab. I grab. I grab. I grab. I grab. That thing that Captain America. The Winter Soldier. Yeah. Where he grabs the helicopter. But instead, I'm grabbing the hook and the boat. Yeah. Oh, so sick. Defy danger strength. Defy danger strength. Okay. Nine. Plus an eight. Yeah, sure. What's this eight look like? Rubbing his shoulders.

No, come on. We're holding on back and grabbing onto Tuck and holding onto the boat. One for each leg. Or yeah. Or you guys could climb up so I don't have to hold you. And the fucking boat together. Oh, true. Maybe I'm like, can you fucking climb up a little bit? Oh, sorry. Okay. That's so funny. Yeah. Okay. 2D6 plus bond. Oh, nice. Eight. For both of us? No, just for one. Only one person can aid. Right, yeah. Can they though? That's the one thing that I still have.

The one thing I've held on to is only one person can aid. Not until my compendium class of GM comes through. No. So yeah, with that, Billy and Ving start climbing up the rope? Yeah. Okay. So you start yanking up the rope and you grab onto a bench and you just grab on with all your strength on the other side and you feel the rope get pulled taut and then you feel the boat start lifting out of the water and you're just straining bicep, tricep. So much muscle straining.

You can feel things like borderline popping in your chest. How is it that, that Tuck can like carry a huge cow and throw it so easily and then a tiny boat, he's like, It's magic boat. It's a little thing called narrative convenience. Whatever. But it does make it easier now that Billy and Ving are out of the boat. You could see like all the veins in my neck popping. I'm like, ew. Yeah, and you're getting reeled up the side of something.

Yeah, the boat is fucking scraping along the side of the pillar and me too. It's that thing where, like when you're, like it's like the, the, like the line is like going out a bit and then slamming it to the side of the pillar. It's scratching up the boat pretty bad. It's like when you borrow your uncle's car and crash it. We've all done that.

And just, just as you think you can't possibly hold onto this boat any longer, thunk, thunk, more hooks are set into the side of the boat and on the other side and it's reeled up to like a steady level and lashed onto a few supports. Is, am I, have I gone onto the top? You feel yourself like on a platform. Okay. And you hear a voice going like, this way, this way. Like pushing you in a direction and you're, you just.

Oh, there's somebody like, you get the feeling there's someone right next to you and they're pushing you. I yell at them. Hello. Hello. Time for peasantries. Watch where I'm going to storm, mate. What? Time for peasantries. Where was I in the storm? I can't understand his storm accent. Me neither. You don't have to push us. You can just tell us where to go. Oh. Stay ahead. Stay ahead. We are.

And you're shuffled along into total darkness and you hear slam and the winds quiet down and you hear and then a lantern lights and you're in a small stone lined room. There's a wooden door set into one side that's rattling and there is a very small, very skinny man in front of you. He's got like really stubbly, face. He's got thinning hair on his head, a ratty vest and pants. And he goes, now tell me who you are, what you're doing in the storm. How did you lift us onto the boat? I look at him.

It's a pulley. Oh. Pulley system. It's like a simple machine. Okay. You just don't look very strong. I'm not. I don't want to live here, kid. My bad. Tuck is like cramped into the room. Yeah. Like, both my arms are touching either side of the room and I'm hunched over of this like hallway. And I'm like, hey, can we get into a bigger room or all of your rooms this size? Oh, it's the closest room. This is the closest room. We don't have rooms. Come on. Okay. Thanks. What's your name?

My name is Evan. Evan? Evan. Okay. Hi, Evan. Thank you for saving us. All right. No problem. Anybody on the storm deserves saving. Storm, don't. Sorry. Just for like listeners, if it can be like a little more understanding, I was going to say the same thing. I was like, I genuinely hope this one guy has a speech disability or something. No, I hope. Yeah. I thought maybe he was going to die soon. And he, okay. He takes his retainer out. Well, sorry. Sorry. I have Invisalign. Sorry.

I was wearing a mouth guard. The storm's really dangerous. Storm is bad. I'm so glad that you're inside now. Oh, this is a better guy. My name is Evan. No, this ratty man pushes you through a door that was set in the other side of the room into a larger hall with lanterns. And there are like probably a dozen people in here all eating by lantern light out of rough wooden bowls. And they all look up and turn as you come into this room. What do you do?

Kind sailors, shelter us from the storm and feed us of your wares. Our boy is but very hungry. Yes, what he says is true. Hi. Hi. And a very tall, very lean man in a long coat comes up and says, Welcome, travelers, to the town of Flotsam. Town? Yes. Many people wash ashore in these seas and many find themselves here at Flotsam. Alive? Some, yes. Some, no. Some, kind of halfway. How long have you guys been here for? Oh, countless years. But now that you are here, you are safe.

All we ask in return is a trinket here and there. So you want us to pay you for saving us? We have no need for your currency. There is no commerce in Flotsam. So it's a barter system? You guys use a barter system? Really? Shiny things? Yes. Shiny things, useful things, edible things. We have not much to eat here in Flotsam. There is no arable land surrounding our pillars. Oh, no. I don't have any arable land on me. I'd love to give you some arable land.

What about this cup that fills with weird stuff? Oh. Oh. That's pretty useful. Yeah. For a town that, like, has nothing, no food, that'd be a pretty good trade. What about this? Magic cup? Cup. Oh. It seems to fill randomly when you set it down. Sometimes it's food. Sometimes it's potions, which you could find a lot of use for. Potions, you say? Something. Of the magical variety? Perhaps. And he takes the cup and he kind of looks at it, sniffs it, pokes it.

Put it down on the ground or on the table. He puts it on a wooden table next to him and it fills with the liquid and he looks at it with disinterest. And Ving pours it out. Now watch this. Puts it down. He looks at it with absolute interest. Absolute disinterest. But he picks it up and says, I suppose this will do. What the fuck are you talking about? That was like amazing. There's a whole other liquid in here. Many things wash ashore and flotsam. Show me one.

And he pulls out a watch, like a pocket watch. He clicks the top, it flips open and then he twists it and it goes backwards and his hair starts growing longer on his head. Oh my God, you have an opposite haircut watch. Oh yeah, you've got a haircut watch. Fucking great, man. Yeah, where are you going to find another one of these cups? This will do for you, sir. What? No, this is for payment for all of us. I think not. It's from all of us. Each will need to pay their own way here in Flotsam.

Three travelers, one cup. That's what you get. Oh yeah, we're going to parlay. There you go. Amazing. Fucking finally. All right, so what are you offering? A kiss. That's what, that's what Tuck does before Billy says anything. He's like, he like leans into the guy. He's like, what do you need me to do, man? I'll do whatever you want. Just fucking, just take the cup and let us in. I'll cut your hair while you want me to do it.

So your haircut was, I guess the watch probably does that for you, huh? What do you need? I'll cut it. I'll do whatever you want, man. You want a French braid? Just give me a kiss. Tuck's so tight. He's delirious from having to carry a fucking ship up the side of the ship. He's like, he still has a chunk of the ship that broke off in his hands. He's clutching. Might have got a concussion on the way up. It's hard to say.

So when this negotiation does start happening, you say a kiss and he goes, oh, now that is interesting. Plus charisma. Oh yeah. Cool. Eight. Eight. On an eight, what is that? On a seven to nine, they need some concrete assurance of your promise right now. So what if we just kiss? Hold on. Hold on. I grab him. I'm like, this is what you got to look forward to. And I pull. He puts his hand up right in your lips. And I kiss the hand. Yeah. He says, now hold on. Okay.

Pull him close to you so that he kisses on the other side of his own hand. Yeah. And I'm like, as it's the hand is pushed up against my face and his face. I'm like, go on. But a single kiss from you, brave warrior, will do for the two of you provided. And he pulls out another, another metal thing that flips open and it's a compact mirror. And he says, right here, please. You want me to kiss the mirror? Kiss the mirror. This seems weird. Well, that is the price. Okay.

Guarantee me that nothing weird is going to happen. I promise you will not come to harm in the walls of Flotsam. Okay. In the walls of Flotsam. Listen to that, Tuck. The warning. In the walls. So you're saying I have to stay here if I kiss the mirror? Prison mirror kiss. Riddle, bitch. Does it steal our souls? Riddle me this, bitch. This is the price. You place your lips upon this mirror or you face the dangers of the storm. I'm out. Billy just walks outside, dives into the water and dies.

Cannonball. Fuck you, riddle, bitch. I'm dying. Are you, wait, what does Billy actually do? Billy is just like, he really thinks that like this mirror is going to steal our soul. And actually, Tuck agrees. So I'm trying to work my magic with this guy. And I'm like, okay, but what kind of kiss do you want us to give it? The kiss that you would lay upon a lover's cheek. Just tongue then? I'd go in tongue first. Oh, a cheek. Yeah. I go in tongue first. I don't connect lips at all.

And then I salivate a lot down the tongue. Uh-huh. Your tongue moves so fast. Yeah. And then I give him a wink. As long as your lips touch the silver of this mirror, you are welcome to stay. I give it a tongue touch. That's all you're getting from us, weird man. And I'm like, good enough? Your lips. No. Fine. No, Tuck. Don't do it. I, like, Tuck is like just frustrated and I'm like, but this means I'm never kissing you. Agreed. Good.

Tuck, Tuck kisses the mirror so hard he pushes it into his mouth. And then I, I lick it out of my mouth and I give it back to him. I'm like, enjoy that. He takes it very, he puts a handkerchief over his hand and places it into his hand and snaps it shut. Puts it in an inside pocket. What are you gonna do with that? It is merely a price. It's like a fee. All right, we paid the fee. Now give us something to eat. Now, see, that is a problem. Oh my fucking God.

Things like, okay, I'll kiss whatever you want. Starts undoing the guy's fly. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, not necessary. We can provide meager sustenance. Yeah, fuck that. We need it all. We gave you everything we have. Who gives me a cup and a kiss? Including Tuck's soul, which you definitely just put away. I don't think that's… It's worth at least one bowl of oatmeal or whatever the hell you guys want. I don't think that's worth it. I don't think that's worth it.

What are the guys eating? Yeah, we look at the bowls. What are they eating? It's like gruel, basically. Do these gruels come in different, like, spicinesses? Do you warm the paste up? How hot's the paste? And you see over… The paste is being heated up over a fire in a cauldron. That's a warm paste. I'll take it. Mild, please. Very well. And can you make my extra spicy paste? Spices. Those were the days. And he takes you over to a table, sets you down, and puts a bowl of paste in front of you.

It's a small bowl. It's like one third full. It is not enough for the three of you. Wait, one bowl each or one bowl? One bowl. Bill, you eat the paste. No, I'm not going to eat. No, I can't do it. Billy. No, Billy is not eating the food. He starts crying. Oh, no. Yeah, he just puts his head down and starts to cry. No, I don't want to eat this. It's not enough for anybody. It's not even enough for a small baby. Not enough for you. Not even a small cat or chicken.

I'm just going to eat the table instead. Billy slams his face down. Yeah. And you can see like his tongue just like doing circle. Making bite marks. It turns into chocolate. With my magic. Oh, the switcheroo. Can I use it? Yeah, I mean, yeah, you certainly can. Fuck yeah. Do you remember how it works? 10 plus works 100%. Yeah, seven to nine. Pick one of three. Effect works for all. Lasts for a long time. Keeps control. Fuck it. Worth the risk. Plus charisma, I believe. Seven.

So which one do you choose? Effect works for all. Oh, thanks. So we can have a bite of the table? Yeah. Yeah. So that means that by not keeping control, Billy is like touching this table. Like I want to turn it into food and it starts turning into chocolate. And then that effect spreads out from where Billy touches. Oh, and the whole table starts turning into chocolate. Uh, tuck you like fall onto the ground as your ass just smashes through this chocolate table. Fuck.

And people are like lifting up their bowls and shouting. And they're seeing Billy eat this table. And they start eating the table. And all the tables in the room start turning into food. Oh, shit. And everyone is fucking freaking out. There are people just gorging on these tables. Slow down. You'll get a tummy ache. And they're just like a gift. Finally. Oh, relief. Sweet solace. And they're all running all over the place, eating this food, trying to figure out what's going on.

And the tall skinny man comes up to you and goes, what have you done? And I look at him like, and I pick a random loser. And I'm like, that guy just did magic. Who do I pick? I pick a random one. You just point. I pointed a random guy. It's just a guy with like dark skin and a long, thin mustache. And he's pretty chubby and he's going nuts on a bench. And I was like, that weirdo just turned everything into chocolate. And he looked, he looks up and he's got chocolate all over his face.

He's like, and the skinny guy looks at him and goes, Hubert, Hubert perform magic. I believe not. Can I try and convince him? I, you could certainly, I feel like not. Cause I mean, he, it's clear what he immediately says. This guy's name. He knows everybody here. Like you're not going to be able to convince them that one of them is a magician. Fine. I did. Cause you guys wouldn't give us enough. Food. And I was so hungry. I shoved chocolate in my mouth.

And he gets down on one knee and he gets close to you as you're eating this chocolate. He says, child, what is this? An ability that you possess to create food where there was none before. I mean, only when I'm really hungry and like, no one's going to give me anything else. Then sometimes, yeah, I'll eat grass and other stuff. What other, and then being like, Billy, what other stuff? Have you been eating stuff? I don't know. Like it's hard.

Sometimes we're on a walk and we didn't bring snacks or, you know, there's lots of like, like rocks. Billy, what? You have to stop eating rocks. No, no. This was the thing we were dealing with like two seasons ago. Yeah. Billy's his stomach's full of rocks. Like Billy, this is why your shits are so hard. No, you're a wizard, not a gizzard. Uh, uh, the man listens to this and he says, child, please focus, pay attention. What? Is this an ability that you can replicate? Yes, sir. I can do it.

If there. He's doing the accent. His authoritative accent. Whatever Billy directs an adult, he does it. Yes. Yes, sir. It is I, a big boy. I could, I could do this for sure. It just might take me some effort. Why do you like chocolate? He closes his eyes and he looks down. He says, child, there's one thing. Don't touch the kid. Don't touch our kid. You weirdo. And he takes his hand off. It's a chocolate fingerprint. I mean, he's covered in chocolate.

Now there's one thing that people have lots of. Haven't common. It is that we are lost. And if there are two things, it is that we are hungry. Can you keep naming things? But if it were three, it would be toilet paper. We need it. And if there was a fourth, it is. It. Is deep appreciation for live improvised theater. And if there is three more things, it is that we are big and tall. That counts as one, that we are Mark's work warehouse. The last one.

It is that we are afraid, but you represent the three of you are a gift from the heavens. You could be our saviors. You are welcome in flotsam for as long as you desire to stay, and you will be treated as Kings. High five, low five to Billy. Yeah. Hello. Five. So give him a little five. Low five. Please. Do you require lodgings? Yeah. Yes. Very well. And he smiles and he stands up to his full height, which is shorter than tuck, but still pretty tall. And he says, come with me. Okay.

What's your name? Cliff seeker. Cool. So sick. Like first name. Cliff last name seeker or whole name. Cliff seeker. It's a mononym. Oh, I go by cliff seeker or cliff. That's probably tell you cliff or Siki sometimes. No, okay. No. Okay. Very well. Siki is pretty cute. Yeah. Thank you. I thought so. It was weird. And he smooths his hair on his head this way. Can you describe this guy more?

Like, cause I imagined him with like white skin and long white hair, but then I realized that was imagining like the vampire from twilight. And then I was like, that's not what Sean said. Well, I mean, I was thinking that he, I think that his hair is like dirty blonde and it's very lank and he's got it in a, in a ponytail. You said it was thinning. No, that was the other guy. That was the other guy, uh, Evan, who you guys fucking hated. So he's off doing whatever.

His voice is just hard to, I know. I hope that he fell off the thing and died. Uh, yeah. Somebody opens the door and says, Cliff seeker, Evan is dead and then slams the door and walks. Hey, I hated having to understand that. I was like, I hated having to understand what he said. Oh, this guy sounds a lot like him. It's his brother. You're next. Bevum. Uh, yeah, he's, he's really tall. He's really skinny. He has very fine clothes of an outdated style, but they're ratty as fuck.

They're fought their threadbare. They're falling apart. It's like a king's robes that like are a hundred years old kind of, and he's got really short pants with really high stockings. Yeah. And like little buckly pants. Yeah. And he's got really short buckly shoes. Oh, he looks like, like someone from like a Napoleonic era painting. Kind of. Yeah. Cool. Something that you do notice is there is a huge variety of people here. They look like they're from all over.

There's a centaur in the corner, just like smashing a table. Hello. Did you make the table? He's so good. And they're all have a very strange way of dressing. It's inconsistent. Everybody's kind of wearing totally different, totally different styles of clothing. Cause they all washed up here from different places. Yeah. What times? You want to spell lower that? So he, I mean, you could discern realities. You could spell lower.

If you want to learn more, Billy remembers seeing people a long time ago who looked like that, who would sometimes visit. And he's like, if you roll, Oh, does it make sense that it would be spelt lower or discern realities? It's about lower. Okay. So it's intelligence. So 10. Okay. So 10. Yeah. Billy, you have memories of like a very fancy family coming through the halfling lands, you know, like a driver and a horse and a very fancy man and a fancy woman in the back.

Uh, but that memory was so long ago, hundreds of years. And that it's like an exact match for the clothing that this guy's wearing. Yeah. He was watching the carriage come up along with the other like street kids or another farmer's kids. And we were like, wow, so fancy. They look so cool. And Billy's like, it's not very cool. Looks dumb. Actually, stupid socks. Billy's like, this is cool. And he picks up a stick with a piece of dog shit on it. Stupid.

So, yeah, that was easily, I mean, Billy doesn't know exact dates, but for our purposes, easily 200 years ago, like this is a, a very outdated style of clothing that was from a long time ago from the principal. Yeah. Yeah. So the pre Exodus event. Oh, certainly. Wow. Yeah. This is like aristocracy of like at least two centuries ago. The Exodus was like firm chronologically 90 years ago. Yeah. Or at least that, that was the end of the event.

It was probably a slow rollout over a few years before it got like catastrophic. So he's, he leads you out of the main room where everybody was eating and he takes you into very tight corridors. Sorry. I just have a question about the town. Oh yeah. Is it built in side of the pillar or out on the outsides? As far as you can tell, you're still on the outside of the pillar. Is it like one wall is stone and the other one's wood? You see stone once in a while, but a lot of it's wood. Okay.

So it's built out of a bunch of varied materials, wood, stone, metal, whatever they can find basically. And he's leading you through all of these corridors and there's like rattling windows and some floorboards sometimes like Creek and you can feel wind blow against your leg. And he's doing, and he's doing a very walk and talk. Aaron Sorkin style. Flotsam is a town that is said to have existed forever. Things wash ashore, people wash ashore and we all find ourselves here together safe as one.

The sea of graves is a dangerous mistress. We are the detritus of a thousand fights, et cetera, et cetera. I was looking forward to that exposition. So I, if you want to just do it, like do a little speech, I'm into it. I'm going to, okay, I'm going to call what he's going to tell you about this town and we can ask questions as he's talking. Yes, absolutely.

So he says, no one knows quite when Flotsam was founded, but that its foundation was a time of solace and an act of mercy by its original inhabitants. Who are the original inhabitants? No one can say how, how long have you been here? And I point at him and he gets this like far off look in his eye. It says the sea of graves is a mysterious, mysterious and dangerous place. We simply live moment by moment. The sun rises and falls seemingly at random.

We have lived our lives as we have lived them for as long as we have lived them. And that is all we can say. Has anyone ever tried to leave? Many have tried and all have failed. Failed how? They don't return or they come back dead? Sometimes they leave and they sink into the clouds, never to be seen. Or sometimes their corpses wash ashore. So you don't know if anybody's made it or not? Hard to say. Except for the ones that are dead. You know they did. Except the ones that are dead.

Most find it an eat- Did you eat them? Me? No. Did others? I cannot speak for what people have done in times of desperation. We got a cannibal Ewok village here. I can say that I have never personally condoned or turned a blind eye to an act of cannibalism. Okay. You truly just came out and said, have we eaten people? And I can tell you, jury's out. Are you like the mayor of this town? He laughs a little bit and says, no, no, there is no such thing as a leader.

An individual merely rises when a situation occurs. New visitors are not common in Flotsam. And I thought that it was in my best interests and in the best interests of our town to approach you and see what you needed. But now that we have such a resource in the form of this small child and his ability to create such a- All right, all right, all right. From seemingly nothing. Yeah, totally. Perhaps we can finally make a life for ourselves that is stable and safe.

And he's taking you through a variety of rooms. Like you go in, there's like the kitchen, there's a tannery, there's like a place where someone's sewing clothes. Oh, and Tuck, actually, you walk into a room and you see another structure through a small door. What does a place of worship look like? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

You walk into a room and you see another structure through a small door. What does a place of worship for the God of the Flame look like? Oh, it's a fireplace basically. It's like a continuously burning fire. They never let it go out. They will at specific points throughout the day burn saffron and say a prayer to the Lord of the Flame. That's really interesting. Are there like priests? Or the equivalent? Yeah.

Okay, so you look through this door and you see a brazier to the god of the flame and you see a priest tending this fire and it's just straight up a McCollin man tending an everlasting flame to the god of the flame. And you carry on? I guess I should talk to him. Well, I don't know. I'm just saying there's somebody here that is of a religion that Tuck is familiar with that he probably hasn't seen in a long time. Yeah. I hang back to talk to him for a second. And he turns and his eyes widen.

He goes, hello. I'm like, hi. Hi. We're talking McCollin right now. Yeah, absolutely. And I'm like, so you're from McColl? I am. You're from McColl? Yeah. We shipwrecked in the Sea of Graves. He honestly, like, he's a very small, he looks kind of similar to the torch of McColl, but like more fatherly. Like he's softer. He's still skinny because everybody's skinny, but he's not like a warrior. He's wearing like the white kind of like robe. Yeah. He's got the big beard. It's all ratty.

A lot of gray. Yeah, his robe is tattered. And he places his hands on either of your shoulders and he hugs you. I feel uncomfortable for a second, but I give him a hug back. And I like pat him on the back. It'll be okay. It will. It will. I cannot tell you how glad it makes my heart that you survived that storm. Wait, you, you were on the purifier? The purifier? No. What? The purifier was out there? Yeah. Where? When? It was, it was off the coast of Crystal Bay. Like I had two yesterday.

What happened to it? It was pretty damaged. And he does a little gesture that's like wording off negative influences. Yeah. He goes, a tragedy. Merely a year at sea. I'm destroyed. So a year at sea. Yeah. The, the, the purifier is like at least like 80 years old. Okay. Yeah. So has this guy been here for 80 years? He, he doesn't know. He doesn't say anything. Okay. I'm like, what's your name? Corral. Corral. Yeah. Okay. I'm Tuck. It's nice to meet you, Tuck. Okay.

And he shakes your hand very warmly. I have to catch up with my friends, but I'll find you later. Please come back. Okay. Get a room. You're welcome. Anytime. Okay. And your friends. Yeah. Okay. God of the flame welcomes all. I, okay. I sigh because I'm fuck. I've heard this line of bullshit so much. Yeah. From when I was a kid, they're always trying to recruit like street kids. Totally.

Well, cause you and I have talked about this, the through line of the religion of the flame is the, it's like enduring hardship, right? It's like persevering through difficult times. Yeah. So, he's just like, wow, we survived a storm. I, you all survived. The God of the flame is watching over us all. And he, he's leaving his brother. Endure. I'm like, cool. I'm going to turn away. Yeah. And, uh, Tuck catches up with the two of you. Yeah. Oh, was he nice? Yeah, he was nice.

He's just a little preachy. Yeah. It says, yes, Coral is a well-loved inhabitant of our village. He has brought, peace and kindness to many here, but onwards to your lodgings. They are some of the finest in Flotsam. And he takes you to a room that is barely big enough for the three of you. But there's like a mat on the ground that's full of straw. And he says, you are welcome here for as long as you are willing to stay. And we would be so glad to have you. You must be wary.

Yes, we are indeed very tired. Would we be able to rest our eyes for a night? Unquestionably. Cool. Cool. I lose the accent because I'm like, cool. Cool. Sleep for as long as you require. And he bows and he goes, I will take my leave now. And he closes the door. Thank you. Thanks. And the door like, yeah, thunk shut very comfortably. I immediately go to open the door. And you put your hand on the door and you press against it and it does not move. What? Hey, fucking cliff, get over here.

The door locked. And a little slug, lot in the front opens up and cliff seekers on the other side. And he says, I'm sorry for my deception. My friends, you must understand. Understand what? The people have fought somewhere on the brink. And you may be our only hope. And that's where we're going to end it for this week. My name is Sean O'Hara. I've been your game master with me as always playing Tacoma Dome, the barbarian Abdulaziz. So long. Playing fat Billy, the halfling thief, Jessica tie.

Bye. And playing Ving, the half elf druid, Paul offers. Thank you to Aaron Reed for our intro. Our natural music. Thank you to all of our sweet listeners like you for listening and our Patreon supporters for supporting us on Patreon. Check us out on social media at spell or most places. We got a fan club on Facebook. They're pretty cool. And Twitter is a place as well. Bye. Thanks for that tour of the internet. You gave HTTP colon slash slash. It's about Laura.

And so ends the tale of adventures. Three who tried the best they can. Dumb and scared and lost. They be for times of rest in. And though our journey may be. We will not leave you without. Resolution. Return. Next week to hear some more. Whilst you commute or do your chores. And for you, I gladly. Spell. No. You.