Episode 5 – Jetsam

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape, and wields a spear with great might Peely's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends, and listen close For the tale's about to start Hi, hi, hello everybody And welcome to Spout Lore, I'm your game master Sean O'Hara And with me as always playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian Abdul Aziz Hello Playing Fat Billy the Halfling Thief Jessica Tai Hello And playing Ving the Half-Elf Druid Paul Oppers Hi there When last we left our heroes, they were traveling through the Sea of Graves And after a variety of failures in which many people just fell out of a boat They were set upon by the storm of the Sea of Graves who had tracked them Following Chimes' successful distraction And after a truly tremendous amount of failed rolls Okay, we get it We failed a lot, we know Genuinely one after the other Runes on the boat have been destroyed both by your hand and by the hand of nature And through that, Ving's Thunderbird, yet to be named, came to the rescue Pulling you through the storm to the town that you saw on a pillar in the distance Which we have come to learn is a ramshackle community Built out of various detritus called Flotsam And after arriving in this very strange town You discovered that they are a hungry folk and a strange folk Possible cannibal folk Well, I mean, jury's out on that After a complication through Billy's switcheroo in which in his hunger desperation He attempted to turn a table, or at least part of a table, into chocolate He turned a bunch of stuff into a bunch of edible candies Causing him to be referred to as a savior or a gift of some kind by the people of this town Who welcomed them with open arms Before being led into what appears to be a cell of some kind And locked behind a heavy wooden door Where the representative of Flotsam A strange, tall, thin man called Cliffseeker Apologized, but hoped that you would understand that you cannot leave yet Hey man, we kissed your mirror and everything I am merely doing what I think is best For the people of Flotsam He says from the other side of a locked door You will not come under any unnecessary harm What the fuck?

What does that mean? It means what it means Just, please, we are a people On the brink of absolute starvation We get by on scraps Well then I'm not gonna make any more food if you keep us in here I was afraid that you would say such a thing Oops Billy! Sorry! I thought that was gonna get him Immediately Oh fuck, I'm fine And as he says that, Tuck, you feel The strength just sap out of your body Ugh And you just collapse onto your knees Tuck!

For a moment, and then the strength returns He says that is but the barest taste Of what we will do to ensure the survival of our people And I go, what? Nothing happened? Wait And I turn to these guys and I'm like shh We're like, was something supposed to happen? Very well, I will demonstrate the power I have over you now To a greater degree And you feel the strength, you just collapse onto the ground I wanna use healthy distrust Oooh, shit Fuck you Sean!

Cool, go ahead and read healthy distrust right now Whenever the unclean magic wielded by mortal men causes you to defy danger Fucking bitch! Treat any result of a six minus as a seven to nine Alright, well, Tuck is a hearty lad Okay, go ahead and roll defy danger constitution To see if you can resist the effects of whatever this is Eleven Oh no Oh no An entire narrative thread just fell apart And I'm like, what? What? My head just fell apart for a shot Oh no!

Alright, well, okay, so Door unlocks, come with me You're free to go Okay, but, okay, so you hit the ground Fifteen minutes later, we're just sailing away in a different ship Goodbye! Just waving like the Beverly Hillbillies Eating a bucket of chicken Goodbye now God Okay, so you hit the ground All this strength absolutely sapped out of your body. Your axe feels like it weighs a million pounds. And then what do you do? Like how does healthy distress work? How do you resist this?

I think I probably tap into the axe. That's what makes the most sense. Ooh, yeah. Because I think we talked a couple of times about how like spirit world energy and magical energy are almost antitheses of one another. Good point. Paul's making a penis and vagina motion. Yeah, like magic is a penis and the spirit world is a vagina. Yes. Wait, no. It's the welcoming force. Explain more what you mean. They take turns fucking each other. I don't understand how you guys don't understand.

We need to talk more about what you… I feel like maybe we have a disagreement on what the word antithesis means. I'm horny. We're all horny, Paul. You've got me locked up like a horn dog. I can't even look outside. No, I'm just laughing at the idea of somebody being like, look, we're all horny, Paul. We've been in here for an hour. Look, Paul, we're all horny. We're trying to record this fucking podcast with rock hard dicks and clits. Multiple clits. I don't know if I can release that.

Spell Lord Knights. In the daytime. Wow. So what we mean, I think, is that magical energy and spiritual energy don't work together. Yeah. When we go to the spirit world, magic doesn't really work there. Perel couldn't do magic. True. It is like an oil and water thing. I like the idea that it went somewhere else. Magic in oil, I mean in water. If you put oil in it… When all of that, whatever he was doing, poured into me, TLC, they poured their spiritual energy into my body to displace it.

And you can hear them in your head going like, no fucking way. Not in a million years, you piece of shit. Nobody fucks with our crew. You're going to fucking step to us? You're going to step to our boy? Fuck no. Sean stood up to things before. I'd like to say that I said that to people before, but I'm kind of doing an impression of a guy that punched me one time. The one and only time I've been punched by a stranger and it was that situation like, you got beef with our boy?

You got beef with our boy? Fuck no. I was like, whoa, dude. Okay, calm down. Chad is just like, hold me back, boys. Hold me back. Nobody's, no one here has arms, but we're going to do it in spirit. We will rock you. We will rock you. Take a big accent. Take a big accent. Put it on your face. A very big lift. This song's from a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, Does anyone have it? I don't know. It's not on Netflix. Alexis, play Knight's Tale. Alexis. Is this an AI that you created?

Alexis, yo, what's up? Play Knight's Tale. Okay. The Knight's Tale starts. He just starts telling you what the movie is. So the movie opens with a jousting match. There's an old guy on a horse, and he shits himself to death in the woods. Heath Ledger goes, oh, what am I going to do now? And fade to 90 minutes later. They win. And the moral of the story is if you're poor, you should become rich. And it truly was a Knight's Tale. Okay. So you feel the power.

After that, you feel the power of Larry, Terry, and Chad flow through your body. And this whatever fucking magical force. I should say, this is the first time that Tuck has probably had magic this overt. Exertion. It on him. Right. Yeah. Magic doesn't really exist anymore. Yeah. Everyone's like, whoa, what are you doing? What a joke. But I imagine that somebody in some part of you is like, what the fuck is going on? Is this guy a fucking warlock or something? No, I'm just mad. Oh, no.

Tuck doesn't process things like that. He's not like, oh, no magic for the first time ever. He's just like this miserable piece of shit. I gave him a kiss. I gave him a good kiss. And this is what he does. I'm going to fucking beat his ass. Okay. So I'm going to take my kiss back. So that's what happens. You feel the power of Larry, Terry, and Chad flow through your body. And this magical force lifts. What do you do? I fucking cut through the door. Oh, shit.

I was wondering if you were going to play this cool. Like, ow, your spell hurt me. But no, you're going through the door. Tuck's not that smart. It's true. Defy danger strength. He's enraged. Enraged. Eight. Eight. So what do you think happens? Tuck is a powerhouse. He's going to get through this door. Yeah. But what do we think? Maybe I kill the guy. By accident. Like, it just swings right through into his. Clocks him in the jaw. Yeah. Splits his face in half. Fuck. Jesus. Yeah. That's a thing.

That's okay. So he's just fuming. Yeah. I'm furious. I'm just like. Steam's coming out of his ears. Fuck you. Somebody's going to die. Like, I imagine Billy and Ving seeing him get that mad and be like, oh, no. Yeah. I step all the way back. Like, oh, he's going to use up all the room. Yeah. It's like in the first Avengers movie when they're trying to calm down Bruce Banner. Like, look, man, just be cool. Don't worry. As they back up. Arm back. Axe. Door to Flinders.

You just smash through a door and a man. And he was just too close. He didn't get away fast enough. He's whispering with his ears up against the door. I'm sorry that I had to use such dark magic spawn you, my friends. But and he's just dead. No, he'll be okay. He's going up and like sprinkling sage. I think I can fix this. Billy's going to root through the pockets. Not in a sneaky way. He's like, I just eat. I don't want someone else. To take whatever things that he has. Yeah. Okay.

So I'm doing this for him. Yeah. And for us. It's legacy. He's next of kin. I'll find their contact information. Yeah. It's got it's got it. He's got to have kids or something like a wife. And they'll want this for sure. I got his email. Let's go. Okay. That's a lot of noise. It's really loud here, though. So maybe people didn't hear anything right away. Right. Because all the rattling. So we will determine this by Billy's role to go through Cliff Seeker's pockets. Wow.

We could have spent a lot of time here, guys. We could have spent a lot of time in Flotsam, but we're not going to. 2d6 plus dexterity. Seven. Okay. What specifically are you looking for? I'm looking for that mirror because I'm like, I knew it. I knew he took Tuck's soul. So he had it in his hand when Tuck hit him. So it like skittered across the ground. So you can see it on the other side of this room that was outside the door. And you can run up and grab it. Yep. But you also.

The seven to nine is that you hear feet pounding from basically either direction. I don't care. I go grab it. You grab it. And a bunch of people come into the room and they start freaking out. They killed Cliff Seeker. Yeah. They killed Cliff Seeker. Oh, my God. What was a big misunderstanding? He locked us in that room and he was hurting our friend. He reacted out of self-defense. And somebody steps forward. If he locked you in that room, he did it for the good of Flotsam and you killed him.

What reason did he have to lock us in that room? He did it for the. For the. Good of Flotsam. Everybody here acts in the best interest of our people. No, that's not quite true. Billy's very scared. No, he saw my powers to create food and he locked us up because he wanted it all for himself. And and we were like, no, the rest are hungry, too. This sounds like a barley. Yeah, this is a divide injury charisma. It's definitely charisma. OK. Eight. Eight.

So when you're like he he wanted it all for himself. They're just like, oh, it can't be true. Cliff Seeker. What do you betray us? Like they're basically what this is, is they're not leaving, but they're all murmuring amongst themselves. You have a moment to act. The pomegranates. The pomegranates. Oh, the pomegranates. What? I don't know. Let us go. Here's some fruit. And there's another fire sale on pomegranates. Another fire sale on pomegranates. Somebody wants to roll for it.

I bet you can pull this off. I'm going to try and pomegranate these people. So nine. Nine. OK. Give us the fruit. These fruit belong to you. We wanted we were asking him to share with you. Give us all the food you have. This is all the food we have. Yeah. Is that all the food you have? I think so. I don't have any. Yeah. I have to lie to these people. If you were being truthful, I do have artisanal cheese. Right. We picked some up in a little sir. Yeah. It is very artisanal at this point.

Guys, try to tell them about the stinky cheese. They're going to fall. Pomegranates isn't enough for everyone here. Do we have any like that bread? Do we have any ration breads? Yeah. Do you guys? You guys don't have any rations. I don't have any adventuring. Wow. No, like rations. It's a different thing. I don't have any rations. Sweet. I have never had them. I don't have them. Right. Bing doesn't eat. Billy probably ate. People are getting antsy. They're getting tense.

I turned my back to the crowd and there's bits of straw from my clothes and I'm like trying to make something out of it. Oh, yeah. I do switcheroo. Okay. So that's 2d6 plus charisma. And you're just trying to make food out of breadsticks. Oh, fuck. Yeah. Shit. It's charisma. You said. Yeah. Oh, I got 11. Oh, what happens on a 10 plus on that? It just happens. It just happens. So on a 10 plus, all three things happen, which is. The effect works for all.

It lasts for a long time and I keep control. Okay. So you can turn as much stuff into breadsticks right now as you can touch. Basically. Yeah. I had at least like two dozen bits of straw in my hand and they turn into like two dozen breadsticks. And everybody is like looking at it so hungrily. Just. Just. Just don't kill anybody else. Yeah, sure. Yeah, I don't. Yeah, deal. Just give us the breadsticks and leave. Here you go. And they all like jitter forward. Like scared animals.

And they snatch the breadsticks out of your head. They just get out of here. Just get out of here. Okay. The shutters are rattling so hard, banging and slamming. Get out. Just leave. Okay. Don't come back. Okay. Okay. I mean, we'll leave as soon as the storm's over. Leave now. We don't harbor murderers here in Flotsam. Don't you guys eat each other? That is unconfirmed. One guy is like, got his finger in his mouth. Everyone is like, no, we've never eaten anyone. Get out. Just go. Just leave.

We were like, okay. Okay. And we start backtracking down the way that Cliff Seeker brought us. And we were like, okay, we're going. We're going to go to our boat. Yeah. And the few of them that have weapons are like following you to make sure you leave. And you see Coral the priest like feeding the fire. And he looks back at you and he just shakes his head and he keeps putting wood in the fire. What? Spilling blood, brother. Really? He was trying to fucking kill me. Okay. He is a good man. Was.

I'm sorry. He was a good man. He did much for the safety of these people. And you cut him down. And you get to the door that leads to the room that Evam took you through. And you're here. This is the exit. Is there a way we can like parlay with them to like let us stay for a night? You can try and convince somebody, but they're like pretty upset. Okay. I'm just going to get on my knees and beg. I just stop where I am. And I turn to like the dude. He's like, oh, I'm so small.

And we're, we didn't mean to hurt anyone. And we just need somewhere to stay for a bit. We'll leave. We'll leave soon. But we're just so tired. Please. I can make more food if you want. I'll do anything. Parlay. 2d6 plus charisma. Eight. Okay. I can only see the one. Oh, I know. I was like, oh. Oh. So they go. Okay. All right. You want to make food? If you can. Turn every piece of furniture. In our hall. Into food. You can stay one night. Oh my God. All the furniture.

I already made it into chocolate. The furniture. Chocolate. We know is a treat. It is not sustaining. Or nourishing. Speak for yourself. Fine. Fine. I'll do my best. But. You can't threaten my friends anymore. You can't be mean to us. It might take a while. Very well. Child. Get to work. They lead you into the main hall that you were in before. And one turns his back to the doorway as the other closes it and bars it. So, you know, there's like guards on the other side. Yeah. We're just in here.

Turn all your furniture into food. Fuck. What are we going to do? Billy, how much can you turn into food? I don't know. Like, I'm more nervous than hungry right now. Um, I just think of like all the gravy. I could have eaten. I could have had. If we just got to McCall. It doesn't mean that we're not going to get that gravy. The gravy's still out there for you to get. Okay. I'm going to try switcheroo. Okay. I press my hands against like one of the main tables and I'm just like gravy.

Oh, and mashed potatoes. All of it. Uh, that would be nine. Okay. We can't eat, can we? Well, you were, you were like describing all the gravy. You could just talk about all the foods that Billy can eat. Yeah. Add on like some of the vegetables. Like side dishes and other things. Totally. There's, uh, sugared carrots. Oh. With, uh, with, with, with, with, uh, oat butter. Oh my goodness. And, and, and, and peppered yams without any pepper. Oh my goodness. There's burnt corn. Yeah.

I've never had that, but it probably looks so good. Marshmallow steak as big as your head. There's apple cores in every dumpster. Tuck's just doing all the things that he used to eat. When he was a kid. Yeah. Yeah. I love apple cores. I love wapple cores. I love chicken cores. I love it all. Uh-huh. Billy is salivating. All right. Somebody roll 2d6 plus bond. Oh, big 12 plus 240. Oh, fuck. There we go. Oh my God. There's finally a roll. Okay. I mean, yeah.

So Billy is able to do what he requires. Oh my gosh. You're doing it, Billy. You're doing it. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. You're turning everything into blue and purple goo. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Fuck, I'm starving. There's like massive piles of mashed potatoes, you know, like beanbag chair sized and pools of gravy and all of them. Some of the benches like collapse into like strips of bacon. Some of the floor around me turns into like burnt corn, whatever you're talking about. Whatever that is. Yeah.

I'm like walking around touching stuff with my eyes. I can't even see my eyes closed. Still salivating. And there's like yams. I can figure just like getting things and putting them under Billy's hand. I see what they turn into. Over the course of a while, Billy is able to expend all this energy and turn a bunch of furniture into a bunch of foods. Billy's fucking exhausted. Yeah. By the end of it, you're drained. Yeah. But you do it. You do what they ask.

You turn all of the furniture in this room into food and then what? Knock on the door. So yeah, we go and knock on the door. I'm like, hey, we're done. I'm like, I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. And one of them goes, you're done. You did it. You turned all the furniture into this room. And if any looks in the room and his jaw just drops and you see his nostrils flare and his eyes start watering. He's crying. He goes, Jeff, look.

And they both turn and they're just like, oh my God. And they walk in slowly, trepidatiously and dip a hand into a pile of mashed potatoes that was once a small side table. And they put a whole, their whole hand in their mouth covered in potatoes. And they just start eating. Easy, slow, slowly. It's for everyone. Remember that. And Jeff goes, oh yeah, right. Everyone. And he yells back and people start filtering into the room and just, they are not being thoughtful with their food stores.

They're all eating like crazy people. They go, okay, you can stay. But only until the storm abates. Sounds good. Not here. In there. And they point into the like small dank room that Evan brought you into. Okay. Get out. Go. In there. Okay. Okay. Okay. Slam. Wow. They didn't even share it with us. I hope you guys snuck in a few bites. I grabbed a piece of bacon that used to be the bench. And I'm like, here you go, Billy. Oh, I ate a lot. Billy, you did a really great job. Give me a high five.

And then he high fives him and he realizes that all of Ving's fingers are actually sausages. Oh. Yeah. Huh? You gonna save those for later? Yeah, bud. Nice. Great work, pal. Thank you. You really saved our butts again. I take Billy and I put him in my beard. Oh, just like old times. Yeah. And as far as you can tell, they're gonna, like, they're too focused on all this food to want to fuck with you for the rest of the night. Quote unquote. What, like, hard to tell what time it is.

But you can just sleep if you need to sleep. I need to sleep. Yeah, I'm gonna sleep too. Okay. Ooh, this could be a make camp roll. Oh. I don't know. I don't think we've ever. Never done that. Because I always forget. So make camp, for the listeners that don't know, because we've literally never done it before, is when you settle into rest, consume a ration. You've all eaten. If you're somewhere dangerous, decide the watch order as well. Anybody doing watch? It's not dangerous. I don't think so.

No, they're busy. If you have enough XP, you may level up. That's right. You can level up in the middle of a session. Oh, crazy. Oh, no fucking way. Yeah. We just have never. But the most important part is when you wake up from at least a few uninterrupted hours of sleep, heal damage equal to half your maximum hit points. Full up again. I'm full too. All right. I'm full too. Mostly the damage from the storm, right? Yeah. Yeah. From like falling into the water and stuff.

Ving's arm's still pretty fucked, but it's getting better. Yeah. What is Ving doing with his stump? Oh, the crystal stump? Yeah. I mean, once he's rested, he can shapeshift the crystal into a claw-like hand, but it's not going to be as good as his former one. Is he ever going to get that hand back? Oh, yeah. Okay. He's sure he will. At some point, he will. So Billy and Tuck are sleeping, but Ving wanted to do something else. Yeah. Ving wants to study the essence of the water dragon. Okay.

So Ving, you fall into your meditation. I guess you're contacting the spirit of dragon. Yeah. I'm holding the pearl scale and looking into it and seeing her reflection. It's fucking sick as hell. This is a sick spirit. Okay. So what does this look like in the spirit world? Because spirit world moves like water and the dragon is a water dragon. It's in its element.

So yeah, it's like, you know, videos when you see divers taking video of whales approaching them and that's that thing where you don't see anything and then all of a sudden this massive shape is in front of them. It's that, but this huge head with a sinewy neck. Well, Ving is traveling through the water really fast and he feels this huge shadow over top. And then he realizes that he's under the wing. He's one of those fish that travel under the wing. Oh yeah.

Because arctic chairs travel under the wings. Yeah. So he's the fish of his family under the wing of the dragon. That's cool. Are you talking to like, how does Ving study the essence? Because before it was, I remember the couple of times you've done it. It's just like, you're just watching them basically. Yeah. And rolling over and studying their moves and watching what she eats and how she breathes and doing like naturalist stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So this is specifically the spirit of. Yeah.

The sea dragon. Yeah. Yeah. You watch this dragon spirit in its element, just feeding and exploring. Yeah. Lazing about. They're very like nonviolent animals is one of the things that you. The voice of David Attenborough's in my head. Been sleeping like a bird on the water. The sea dragon is one of the most beautiful creatures in creation. Huge as a cow. Twice as pretty. The cows are beautiful. I, David Attenborough, am finally so glad to talk about how hot I think cows are.

And you, and you, um, you come to after hours in meditation with this feeling of weight and momentum and power inside you. The spirit of the dragon. Ugh. And I, yeah, I mean like. Maybe I don't think he can turn into a dragon, but maybe he can get all scaly. Or kind of dragon-y. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And maybe eventually just a big fucking dragon. Lizard person. Yeah. Cool. And all of you wake naturally. There's no sunlight.

There's no like sunrise. So your clocks just wake you up whenever they normally wake you up. Mm-hmm. And you're in this room getting a little hungry, you know, regular morning stuff. And what wakes you up more than anything else is the absence of sound. It seems like the storm has calmed. Maybe you just got tired of trying to get through these walls. Maybe there's something else going on. Something about the pillar itself, but it seems like the storm has abated momentarily.

Is there a window in here? No, there is not. But there's a door. Go out the door. The door is to the outside of Flotsam, which you now see is like basically walkway boardwalks that connect a bunch of shed-like looking buildings that creeps up the sides of the pillar almost like a vine. It's just built up from the water's edge at some points for support. And then other parts, it's just like freestanding. It doesn't make any sense. Huh.

But you see your boat hanging from a bunch of ropes down a pier that juts out of the walkway that you're standing on into the open air. And you see a bunch of other boats doing the same thing, like hanging from all these weird pulley hooks. But your boat's there and it looks like fucking shit. It's like not in a great place. I kind of want to steal another boat, but I want to take our shitty chimes boat. I do like the idea of stealing a boat from these weirdos. Yeah. I'm like, you know what?

I gave them everything. I had even my whole dream and they gave us nothing storm down. Yeah. And there's a there's a variety of boats here. Describe some of the boats. Dinghies, small row boats, one that's very long and it loops up at both sides and it has like each end of the boat has the face of a scary animal on it. There's one that is way too big for you to pilot on your own. What about that one? I think it's perfect. Amazing. You know, boats thing. I know of them. Yeah. What else is there?

Just in case. There is a still big but slightly smaller boat that looks like it's just oars like it doesn't have any sails. It's like a pile of oars. And like the clothing of the people of Flotsam, you notice that there are some weird consistency to the style of ship here. Some of them you don't even recognize. You're like, where the fuck could those possibly even be from? Or when the fuck? Is there a future boat here we can steal?

One of them is made of metal, has a cone on the other end that smells of fuel. It's the spirit of Vancouver Island. It's a ferry. It's a Faye boat. Actually, I'm comfortable saying that one of the boats lower down you can see is made of metal. Huh? Fucking why? That's stupid. It would sink. Stupid idiot. We're not taking that one. So yeah, Ving, which one of these boats is the best one? I don't know. We need something that we can. And I can. I can sail. So I don't know. Some midsize something.

But we also need it big enough to tow our other boat. So there is a, you know, like when a old man has a sailboat that he loves more than his wife. Yeah. There's one that's that size. Like a 25 foot kind of. Like a yacht almost. Yeah. Looking kind of thing. Like the boat from Step Brothers. Oh. The Gilded Lady. Like it's kind of nice. It's beat up. It's beat up. But it looks like the three of you could potentially sail. We sail it. Yeah. What about the Gilded Lily there? Yeah.

That one looks nice. I like all this artwork on the side. And there's like a painting of like two centaurs. What? In like it's running season. Oh, no. For sure. Oh, they're hugging. I like that one. All aboard. Yeah. They're hugging Billy. Stop looking at it. Okay. Is anyone looking? Yeah. Can we just take the horse porn board? Weirdly, there's nobody out here. Huh? It's kind of calm. No one is here. All right. Stuff in the stupid faces. Let's take this boat. Let's take it.

Is there like a pulley system to lower them down? That's a great question. Okay. Yeah. Realities. Yeah. That's the thing is like you guys get on the boat. You're like, all right, we're stealing this boat. How do we steal this boat? It's connected to a bunch of like arms and it's got hooks in it with ropes attached to it. It's being suspended in the air just like every other boat here. We just cut the line. How high off the water? Where are we? Enough that it's scary. How high are we right now?

In this building? Like a hundred feet? This is crazy. Hey, it's a weird. It's a weird village. Okay. So we're not cutting the line. No. Can I discern realities? Absolutely. Okay. 26 plus wisdom. Seven. So yeah, on a seven to nine, you get one question. What here is useful or valuable to me? That is the one that makes the most sense. You're looking at all the lines and you're like, oh, this kind of looks like. The cranes that I'd see in like harbors to move boxes from boats.

You're like, okay, well this, oh, this one connects to this one. This one connects to this one. And you see that they all kind of connect through the police to this one lever. That's on the walkway, like on the pier that juts out next to the side of the boat. Should we, should we lower chimes his boat first? Oh yeah. You run up, pull the lever and it drops a lot faster than you expected it to. And chimes his boat hits the water dips underneath, takes on a bit of water and then comes back up.

Huh? Well, that wasn't too bad. That was pretty scary. I don't want to do that in a big boat. So is there a way to make the levers lower boats slower? I doesn't appear to be. Seems like you'd have to be trained on this in some way. All right. Just hold on tight, everyone. Yeah. We climb on the boat and hunker down and then I'll go pull that lever and then jump down. That is a great plan. And you're all going to have to roll. I'm going to have to roll my forehead. Stupid plan.

So who's doing the pulling and jumping thing? Okay. Probably defy danger strength to like hold onto the boat. Okay. I got seven, eight. Okay. Seven and eight and 12. Oh shit. Dexterity. Uh, yeah. Dexterity will like leap off 13. Oh fuck. Okay. Yeah. I think Billy and tuck are going to like, this stuff's going to fly off of you basically. Like you're both going to lose some shit. Oh, okay. So the boat is sailing down through these ropes. The impenetrable bill hook flies out of your bag. No.

You said you were going to get rid of it. Ooh. It's that kind of thing where it's like you see it hit the edge of the boat. Like it's skitters across the deck and it's kind of hanging and you're like, oh shit. And you reach for it and just bloosh. Fuck. Right into the water. I hate the sea. That is the moral of this season so far. I hate the sea. And the sea hates you. Yeah. Yeah. The, uh, the gilded Lily spirals down on these ropes and splashes into the water hard, but you all come through it.

Not the worst for wear and chimes. His boat is bobbing along just a short distance from you. You just are lashing them together. Yeah, totally. And now here you are. What's your plan? Let's get the sale out of here. Yeah. I like disentangle chimes is braid from my beard. Yeah. I'm like, okay, I'm gonna brush out all the mashed potatoes that Billy left in there when he was sleeping in there the night before. Sorry. I'm like, okay, here we go.

And yeah, I kind of feel the direction that it's tugging again. Great. So as last time, this will be one person needs to roll scout ahead and one person needs to roll navigate. You're navigating. I guess I'm navigating. I'll scout ahead. Okay. So scout ahead is 2d6 plus wisdom. Great. Navigate is 2d6 plus intelligence. I got 10. Okay. So on a 10 plus, you choose two from the list below. You get the drop on whatever lies ahead. You discern a beneficial aspect of the terrain.

You make a discovery or you notice a sign of a nearby danger. The second one, a discern a beneficial aspect of the terrain, shortcut shelter, or tactical advantage. Describe it. We get a landmark or a pillar in the distance that we can use as a navigation. Great. And also the danger one notice a danger one. Okay.

One notice a nearby danger yeah could you use like eagle eyes or anything like that like yeah where's bird at yeah that's what I'm dying to know oh yeah could you use the bird to like survey the area yeah see if there are any dangers yeah I think you peek through the bird's eyes and you know what he's right on your ass he's always stop looking at my ass he's just out of sight he's always keeping an eye on you but the bird dips down a little bit so he can see you see you he can see your boat moving and then he just looks ahead and you see through his eyes a familiar gray carapace traveling through the water claws come up out of the water clacking raw crab stride ahead so thankfully you notice that it's there like that's the benefit is that instead of being like the crab is on top of you you're like there's that fucking crab again and what was the result of your navigate I failed you you guys are gonna have to fight this I think I think bring it on tuck's like trying so hard when ving is like hey dude big crab crab back uh tuck is trying to steer the boat he's like where's that fucking crab like it's like you're looking at the crab and you don't even realize it oh and then the front of this gilded lily this longer boat you see a big pincery leg come up over the deck and another as it like starts to climb up and down and then you see a big crab coming up over the deck and the front of the boat tips a little bit and this fucking enormous gray shelled crab is now on your boat what do you do I make garlic butter you motherfucker I'm gonna feed you to a bunch of float some jetsums okay and ving you can hear it like oh I said I was gonna crush you and I'm gonna crush you clack clack clack you son of a bitch uh I'm running up and um hoisting my spears as I can and it's like oh my god I'm gonna crush you little crab mouth even for the soft spot you know what I'm saying oh yeah I know what you're saying seven seven so on a seven with a hack and slash you deal your damage and then it deals its damage oh no I have plus one piercing spear oh it's piercing harpoon nice yeah cool cool that's great because it's a crab with a big ass shell yeah so roll your damage what is it roll a d6 four okay great nice yeah your harpoon bites into its shell uh near its like sensitive mouth pieces and it makes like noises it backs up you definitely heard it but it's pissed off just roll a d10 for me absolutely not eight eight it darts forward and a huge gray claw comes forward and it doesn't quite grab you but it fucking slugs you and it's just the denseness of its exoskeleton you feel bone almost crack damn and you take eight damage it's hard it's really hard billy and tuck you see this happen what do you do um could I dunk one of my throwing daggers because that's all I have into the oil of tag it I have yes it will be difficult because it has such a hard exoskeleton because I was gonna like aim for its face like the only soft spot so you are rolling with a volley so it's two two two six the only soft spot so you are rolling with the volley so it's two deceptive six plus dexterity okay oh I got tan oh fuck yeah okay yeah roll your damage uh d8 cool four billy fucking bullseyes this thing right in the mouth right in the mustache hell yeah it gets a bunch of oil attack it right in its blood stream crap is that blood yeah yeah is that a weird question to ask it's on the outside of their body is it that's the shell like an exoskeleton no that's not a shell it's a shell it's a shell it's a shell yeah they have they have circular whatever doesn't matter you get that way live tag it in it hell yeah mouthpieces and it moves back and forth it snaps its claws and it slows down and it appears to fall asleep oh my god get the fuck out it's a light sleep so you have only a moment to act ax yeah you only have a moment to ax I run up and I I actually go to grab terry larry and chad and then I fumble it and then I'm like ah fuck and then instead of doing that I'm like oh my god I'm that, I do the move from like when I was talking to Morgulch that one time where I jam my hand into its mouth and I try and grab its brain and pull it out.

This is amazing because if it's a fail, you grab like his tongue and pull it out. Yeah, I wonder because the thing is that you don't really have to roll hack and slash on a thing that can't defend itself. It's asleep. So I feel like you get an opportunity to just roll your damage. While he's doing that thing, he says, See you in shell! Oh my god. Okay, yeah, roll your damage. Four. We all got four. It's not great. What? Okay. It's a big crab.

What, do you only get like half the brain out or something? No, I think what it is is you jam your hand in there and you grab something and you just start pulling. And it does come loose and the crab wakes up and your arm is three feet into its mouth and now you have a live crab on the end of your arm. I punch it in the eye. Okay, now you gotta roll a hack and slash. How could you waste this, Tuk? Thirteenth. Okay, roll your damage again. Oh my god. Seven.

Okay, that's Yeah, how do you kill this thing? Because I have like purchase inside of its mouth. You just punch your hands together. Yeah, I punch. I like use the leverage to punch through his eye into his brain from the other side. Holy shit. Don't throw it away. We need that crab. You're just mashing a giant crab between your two fists. From the inside? Yeah. And I'm like, eat fists, bitch. I'm so bad at this. And it works.

It's you smash through the top of this crab and it is like hitting you with its claws. It's trying to gain purchase with its little legs, but you're just shrugging it off and it dies on your arms. Awful. Slide off and I turn to Ving. I'm like, what did you think of that fists thing? It was pretty fucking cool. Billy? That was awesome. At first I was mad, but then I was like, oh, cool. Yeah, and you have a moment where this big dead crab is on your boat.

Well, since we have no food, we should probably take some of it. Can Ving butcher up some of this crab? Yeah, I can't see why not. All right. I'm going for the claws first. Yeah, you pull out a bunch of crab meat. Awesome. Where do you keep it? In my belly. Just on the… On the deck, I guess. Just loose meat. Well, we just leave the crab because it's like, I don't know. What if we want more later? So you're just holding on to the crab? I guess, yeah. We'll just keep it on the ship for now.

I guess it'll turn pretty gross soon, but let's do it for now. I think the bird comes down at some point and pecks at the meat a little bit. He eats the hippocampus. Yeah. The delicious part of the crab. There you go. I didn't know that. That's great. You've solved my crab puzzle. By myself? By murdering it. This puzzle was hard. Yeah. Just like the crab shell. So are you just sailing on? Yeah. Every once in a while we eat some raw crab meat. Oh, geez. We're going to get so fucking sick, maybe.

Yeah. Ving's put some water on the front and it's evaporating. He's got some salt, at least. Yeah. Some salt crab. And I'm like, this is better. Right? Right? Right, because the beneficial thing that Ving got through the scout, I had was a landmark pillar. Oh. Because it can be easy to get lost in the pillars because so many of them look the same. Oh. But maybe you see one that's like discolored in some way that you don't understand. Like it looks like there's something on it.

So you're like, okay, well, I'll just use that one. So you're sailing along using that pillar as a landmark in your travels and the water around you starts to shake. You hear a groaning from beneath the waves. Oh, fuck. Is it crabs again? Yeah. Oh, God. Ving, you said there was a shampoo for this, right? And as you're all looking over the side like, no more big crab, please. Surfacing like a nuclear submarine is the massive serpentine form of cerulean depths as seen from Great Heights.

Oh, thank God. It's our friend. Okay. Water pours off of her back and her enormous house-sized head pulls up next to your boat. What a beautiful house. How go? You're traveled, mortals. Not bad. You want some crab? Flings are a big chunk. I do not consume the flesh of other animals. Hits her face. Slap. Just slides down. Ving, how could you insult her so? I forgot she was a vegan. You have traveled these waters for a few days now. Actually, we were at a weird place for a while.

Did you know Floatzum? I have heard of such a place. I have treated with their people. Treated? You know, like, I've talked to them. Okay. Nonetheless, is not the right way to say that, but either way. She actually says that. You don't have to try so hard with us. Wait, she's talking to you only. Oh, yeah. She doesn't speak common. You just understand her. Right, yeah, yeah. She's only talking to me. You guys are just hearing like the booming tones of this. To us, it sounds like…

More like what Paul's doing. Nope, not that. Like dolphins. Yeah, yeah. Can't even do it. Yeah, it sounds like whale song. Oh, cool. Sounds under the water, but above the water. It's just like… And yeah, Tuck thought that burping was cerulean, and then he looks down at Billy's… I put too much salt on the meat. Sorry. You have so much crab. Either way, Spirit Walker. Yes, great one. I have news of the wizard. She has news of Perel. Oh, my God. But it is not news you are glad to hear.

Well, we'll take it. He is indeed at the eye of the storm, but the sea has taken note of his passage, and the waters move to claim him. What can we do? Pray. And she goes up in the air and dives back down. Is everything okay? Did she find him any safe now? Is he doing well? Is he just having a fun vacation? Please say that. Yeah. It looks bad. Oh, no. She said that the sea is trying to claim him. Claim that he's what? I don't know. His life.

And I think that's where we're going to end it for this week. Yeah, pretty good. With this revelation. My name is Sean O'Hara. I've been your game master as I will remain. And joining me as always playing Tacoma Dome, the Barbarian Abdulaziz. So long. Playing Fat Billy, the Halfling Thief, Jessica Tai. Good night. Playing Ving, the Half-Elf Druid, Paul Oppers. Take care. Thanks to Aaron Reed for our intro and outro music as ever. Thanks to our wonderful listeners and Patreon supporters.

You can find us at Spellor.com, at Spellor Most Places. And you can find me living it up, baby. What the fuck am I doing? You can find me. It's okay. I'll put in a different extra. No, leave this in. I'm trying. You can find me. Please try. Whatever. Who cares? Good night, everybody.

And so ends the tale of Adventures 3 Who tried the best they can Though dumb and scared and lost they be For time's abreast in revelry And though our journey may be like a dream We will not leave you without a resolution We will not leave you without a resolution Return next week to hear some more Whilst you commute or do your chores And for you I gladly spell dawn Thanks for watching! Subscribe for more! And don't forget to like and share!