Episode 7 – They Dug Too Deeply Too Hungrily

Now the round friends let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape and wields a spear with great might Peely's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends and listen close For the tale's about to start Welcome back to Spout Lore everybody I'm your Game Master Sean O'Brien I'm your Game Master Sean O'Brien With me as always playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian Abdulaziz Hello everybody Playing Ving the Half-Elf Druid Paul Oppers Hi Playing Fat Billy the Halfling Thief Jusketai Welcome back Welcome back everybody Ourselves Us When last we left our heroes they had traveled into the forests around Pinewood Village With logger slash guide Vevean Aka Veve To track down the reasons for the missing loggers loggers and the hamstrung logging operations of Pinewood Village.

They ran into some aggressive cabbage skunks. Some piss was cast. Some mysteries uncovered. The mystery of how big Tuck's dick is was not solved. Inconclusive. It's inconclusive, but I think we can all agree it's reasonably sized. It's a good size. And also, it was flaccid, so you don't know how big it could get. We don't need to… A grower, not a shower. Maybe. You guys don't know. Who know her, right? Barely knew her.

Some blue moss was discovered by Billy at the base of a tree and taken by Ving, who put it in a mason jar. Oh, yeah, he dumped that out when he saw the other one. He's like, ah, there's plenty. It's valuable. And Perel let you know that it was magically active, for one thing. And upon arrival… Arriving at the clearing where the logging operations were taking place, you found a field of blue moss. Some lumps, some bumps, and some dumps covered in blue moss.

Ving's Sherlock Holmes-ing of the situation revealed that it appeared that this moss has overtaken whatever logging operation was here. And the moss seems to have originated in some way from this small cave mouth that Ving has discovered as well. And upon discovering this… This cave mouth, the group heard from deep within a human voice calling for help. What do you do? I go back. I go up to it, and I'm like, hi. It's a couple seconds, and then you hear even louder. Help. Help. Help. Help.

Help. Help. Help. Help. Help. And Bev is like, oh, there is someone alive down there. And she's looking around, and she's like… I understand this might not be what… Whatever warriors arrived might not be what they signed up for. If you're unwilling to go further, I understand. I'll be going. But you're welcome to join me. I would appreciate it. Long story short, you're not obligated, but… She's just saying this to Ving, and she's being so awkward and weird about it. I just… Let it go.

I want you to know that you can come if you want. You can come if you want. But only come if you want. Don't visit your grandmother unless you really love her. I feel like there's pressure to go. No, no, no, no, no. There's no pressure. But know that I'm going into almost certain mortal danger. You don't have to go if you don't want to, but I will be going. He grabs her arm. I want to go. All right. Then let's go. Billy and I have just been standing there watching it the whole time.

Yeah, and I'm just like, oh, what do I do? I was going to go too, but should we let them go alone? Yeah, it kind of feels like they need to go alone. Oh, I mean, who knows? Who knows what's down there? Well, we all implicitly assumed that we were just going to go down there with you. Oh, okay. That's fine. But do you want to go alone? No. Okay, well, let's go. All right. All right. And Mears is like, so me too? Also me? Also Mears. Do you want to watch the horse? The horse moose?

Watch the moose? Yeah, the moose goes. You could stay up here with all this moss that killed an entire… You're a careful vloggers. Or you can come with us. Are there people like frozen in fear, like a volcano washed over them? You don't see? Because the moss is thick. Like it blankets this area, except for the little spot that you found that was soaked in whiskey. Around the boots. Mears is having a hard time. It's like, all right, well, what's down in the cave probably? It's a mystery.

What if it's something luring us in? Like a siren into the deep underground? Yeah, like those blue flame balls from season one. Yeah, the non-comporeo balls. Yeah. The non-comporeo balls. You guys remember season one of our adventure? Oh, yeah, that's where we met. Yeah. Yeah, you were in season one too, Mears. I remember that. Yeah. That was easily a year and a half ago. I have an idea. What if we throw a rope down there and see what… How big is the hole? Yeah. Yeah.

Hole is, say, like five feet across. Oh, what? You said it's a small hole. It's the size of a toonie. Yeah, I thought it was really small. Oh, it's like tiny little… Little hole? Well, you said it's a small hole, so I thought maybe as big as like a cake. All right. So it's about a cake-sized hole. You know. Billy's so hungry all the time. It's about a cake-sized hole. What kind of cake is it? Yeah. Birthday? Birthday cake. Yeah. Oh, I really want Black Forest cake.

It's Black Forest, but it's a birthday cake. It can't be both. Black Forest with candles. Get this thing out of here. Yeah. But it's a cake for like a kid's birthday, so it's pretty… It's full of money? What? Money cake. Money cake. Money cake? Money cake. I mean, Biden has got money. Yeah. You never had that? Nibbles and dimes and quarters and shit. How do you enjoy the cake if it's full of coins? Because you're just rooting through it for like candy money.

Yeah, kids go through it for money, and you just end up with money at the end of the birthday party. Okay. Or you just bite really hard, and then you'd crack your tooth, and you're like, fuck, I hate this party. I hate money cake. I remember at the end of the money cake, sorry, the money cake era when people would, the moms would wrap them in cellophane because it was more sanitary. That was the problem. Or make sure you wash the money before you bake it in the cake. Yeah. So gross.

You don't want your kid putting dirty money in their mouth. Yeah, you don't want your kids swallowing dirty money. Only clean money goes in Timmy's tummy. Yeah, so it's about the size of a kid's money cake. And yeah, that's the, like, what's the plan then? Yeah, let's get in there. Can we ask the person calling for help? I want to ask them what we can do. Where is he? Like, what? He's talking to us. Yeah. Can we get more information from him? Yeah.

So you're just, it's, he sounds pretty far, or the voice sounds pretty far away. Okay. So we're going in there anyways. Yeah. Because any, like, you just hear help over and over. Even, and if you call out, you just hear help. Oh, Ving has some alcohol on him. And so he's like, wait, here. And he puts a little bit on us, on our heads. Oh. Because he wasn't in the thing. He was just sitting over there. So he pours booze on everyone. All right. So everybody's soaked in alcohol. Yeah. Great. Cool.

We can get in there. Wait, Mears, are you coming with or are you staying? I feel like I should probably come with. Come with us. God damn it. Okay. Up here I know is something bad happened in there. Who can say? Maybe they just fell in, right? Maybe they just fell in a hole. Yeah, sure. And with that, Bev is like, all right. All right. Here we go. And that's great. And Bev is like, ah, perfect. And she hops down and she calls back. It's pretty dark in here. Duh. Anyone have a light?

I go down there with the X. The X glows, right? The crystal glows. Yeah. What colors the light? Purple. Nice. Yeah. Beautiful. So the light, the cavern illuminates. My hands glow? I don't know. Do they? Yeah, they sure do. All right. That's cool. Your hands glow too. Purple hands. Yes. Tuck, you're having a hard time in this cavern. Can I like smash open the opening? You do have an ax that magically smashes rocks.

But the hole is like, if you can try and smash no matter what, it's going to be a smash smash. Yeah. Or you can roll some sort of defy danger to get in the hole in the first place. Because it is the size of a cake. Tuck is five feet across. So can I get in there? How big do you imagine a cake is? I don't know. How rich is this cake? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. So Ving yells down the hole, get some cover. Like, get to cover. We're sending rocks down. And then you can smash open the hole. Is there cover? Can they get to cover? It's a big cave. It's dark. I don't know. Is it a big cave in there? I guess I scream down there. Like, what's it? Does it like open up or anything? Yeah. That's a good question. You hear, help. Oh my God.

I'm talking to Viv. Oh. Viv, she's in the hole. She can't see unless you're down there. Well, Ving, hop down there. Take a look. Yeah, I go down there. I slither in there. All right. It stays pretty narrow for a while. It gets tighter and winds out here and there. But you get to a point where it drops down to like a ledge and then it goes back the other way. And it's a similar sized corridor. You hear the noise coming from further down that way. Yeah. And it's echoing a lot. So.

I'm just going to keep going. Guys, I'm going to keep going. All right. Yeah. Ving. Ving. Ving is heading down. Because you can't fit. I can't fit. I mean, you can smash and fit. Probably. All the way down. Can I fit? Sure. Okay. I'll smash it. Like Dig Dug. All right. With the axe. So, Ving, from above, you hear. Crush. Oh. Okay. Smash. Smash. Tuck's never gone spelunking before. And you feel a couple rocks like clatter down around your feet. And you hear like some rumbling up above.

But you've cut a hole wide enough. That you can shove yourself in. It's not going to be fun. But you can get in. I think it's fun. Okay. So. Feels like I'm a little sausage. I say that to Billy. Who's like in my beard. As I'm shimmying through. I'm trying to push you down. Way to the post. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Get your butt stuck in a honey tree or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. So, you can move. Not comfortably. But you can move. I'm shimmying. Yeah.

And Mears is in the back. Yeah. Yeah. And yeah. So, you all meet up. I imagine. And yeah. You're carrying on down this cave. And you hear help. Help. And it gets a little bit louder. And then you hear like water trickling. Like the sound of running water gets a little bit louder. And you do come out into a wider, taller cavern. Tuck. You can stretch to your full height. And the cavern isn't that high. It's maybe eight to ten feet high at most. But it's an uneven roof and an uneven. Floor.

But you hear water running. Like an underground river of some kind. And you know, the moss was coming out of the hole. So, on the ground, the moss was on the floor of the tunnel the way down. Thicker in spots than others. And as you touch it with the whiskey, like it stops moving as much. So, you're sort of leaving these dead footprints as you carry down the tunnel. And the moss is covering the floor of this cavern as well. And you hear the calls for help. Much, much closer. Going towards it.

All right. You get to a wider section of moss, like a thicker section of moss. And you see what looks like thinner logs sticking out. And they look like the same type of wood that was up above. And when you get close to those logs, you touch sort of the moss nearby. And it recedes in this one spot. And the logs start to move. What do you do? I'm going to roll trap expert. Eight. Eight. Okay. So, how does trap expert work?

On a seven to nine, I get one hold to walk through the area and ask a question. So, what question? And the questions are, is there a trap here? And if so, what activates it? Yeah. And then what does the trap do when activated? Yep. What else is hidden here? Yeah. What should I ask? Is there a trap? Yeah. Is there a trap here? If so, what activates it? Yeah. So, you can see the way that the moss is. The moss is moving on the cavern floor. It seems to be waiting for something.

And you see a pile of what looks like thinly cut timber on the side of the cavern. Like the same kind of wood that was up above seems to have made its way down here somehow. And you see the moss as it shifts and flexes over this pile of timber is moving. Like the timber is moving on itself. And you get the idea that it is hunting in a way. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Something would happen. Oh, man. What do we do? Do we do… Do we fight it? I don't know. It's between… Fight what? It's between you and the hungry moss is between here and where you need to be. What should we do? Is there any… The voice? Can we call it? I'll call out. Make calls out. Hello. Hello. Hello. Yeah. Is it that big? Yeah. It's enormous. No. It echoes a little bit. But there's a number of tunnels that break off from this tunnel.

And it's just that the help is like horse with screaming. But it feels like now instead of being deep underground and down several tunnels, it's maybe a chamber or two away from here. So the way it looks like the moss is going to attack whatever passes like the center room. Yeah, like passes closest to it. Okay. Is there a way to get around it? So that we don't touch the moss and like trick it. Can the thing talker turn into the same rock as the cave and try and sneak by?

I mean, yeah, there's like it is between here and there. How wide is it? Can we jump it? Yeah, you might be able to get somebody over it somehow. Can we jump it? Woohoo! Jump it! Definitely try. It's going to be hard to judge how close you can get before it like starts going. Is there moss all the way up to it? Yeah, it's like a carpet of moss. So the whole thing is a carpet of moss. Billy, can you tell where… He's told us about this trap, right? Can you tell where the hungry moss starts?

Where is it standing? Is it standing near the pool of water? Yeah. It's in the pool of water. But I think it's starting from… Yeah, the waterfall. I'll say that again. Yeah, that's great. It's starting from the waterfall. Yeah, you see this little trickle coming out of like the side of the cavern wall and running down. It's a creek. It's a creek. Maybe a foot, two feet. Not big enough to turn into a… No, it looks old. Walrus. Like it… I mean, you could turn into a walrus if you want.

Yeah, it's like… That little trickle looks like it's been there for a long time. Okay, I'm going to try and jump it. Is that okay? Yeah. Is everyone okay with this? Yeah, try and jump it. Okay. So I like… I chug back to like as far back in the cavern as I can. Mm-hmm. And I run up and then I… Right before I get to like where the waterfall is like I try and jump, I guess, over the moss and the sticks? Yeah, I guess so. Is that how it's oriented? Yeah.

Because like it's just a pile of like branches and stuff. All right. We just see this purple wax like… Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. So that'll be a defy danger. What do we think? Strength for the power of your legs or dexterity for the speed? Probably dexterity. All right. 2d6 plus dexterity. Okay. Oh, yeah. Plus dexterity? Yeah. Nine. Six. Okay. So you partially succeed. Does anyone want to help? Yeah. I build you a ramp. Oh, can Vig turn into a rock ramp? A ramp. Yeah.

With a little bit of spring at the bottom. Yeah. Like at gymnastics. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So you're turning into something that he can jump off of? Yeah, with rings. Complicated moving parts. I mean springs. Sorry. What? No. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. For sure. Yeah. No. Then yeah. Roll 2d6 plus bond. How tall is this cavern? Eight feet? Eight to ten feet. Okay. How tall is Tuck again? He's seven feet. Interesting. Okay. Dive forward. I think it's eight. Yeah. Wait.

Are you shape shifting now? Just for like ramps mostly. Okay. Structure based things. Yeah. Okay. So this is a partial success for both of you. Well, no. So that means that Tuck succeeds. Yeah. Yeah. Just a ten. And yeah. So that is enough for you to do what? What are you doing? Dive. Dive. Yeah. I dive. I run up and then I like Ving's rock form gives me, it gives me like a solid place to push off of. So I don't like slip on the moss or anything. And then yeah, I jump and I do a front flip over.

Maybe you grab a stalactite and use it to swing. Sick. Yeah. I do that. I grab a stalactite on the way. Yeah. And I use it to like push me itself the rest of the way. Push me. Shut up. Yeah. And you kind of land on the other side of this old cave Creek where there is mercifully less moss on this side. And I like I freeze for a second. Yeah. Nothing happens. Yeah. You evaded the moss and the four of you are still on the other side. Yeah. God damn. Guys, the problem solved. Okay.

Can you get, can you hear anything? Do you know what chamber is coming from? Where's the voice coming from? Yeah. I'll head in and I'll check it out. Okay. Yeah. So there's like the wall of the cave that has the waterfall coming out of it. It's a little bit higher off the ground. It's maybe two or three feet coming out of a cleft in the wall. That seems also like it's been eroded over a number of centuries, but you notice another trickle of water that seems a little bit more turbulent.

That's joining that. Hmm. And it's coming through a section of the wall that seems like it recently fell down, like it crumbled in. Hmm. And behind that appears to be a shaped smooth wall that was worked by intelligent hands. All right. Yeah. I just go in. Yeah. And you hear that the calling is getting louder and louder and louder, but it's still very hoarse and airy. So it's, did I just go into like a room that was off the main kind of chamber? Is that what it is? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah.

Um, but through like a. Destroyed section of wall or a wall that, that tumbled in a natural floor that, that fell apart. And, uh, inside you see the water is like rushing on the ground where there's no moss. There's now this like water that's just pouring inside is a small chamber. Uh, it's water mingled with moss. And as you cross into this chamber, you see tables laid out on either side and chairs. The moss thickens up a little bit more against one wall. And there is, um, the.

Remains of a strapping looking person that seems very similar to the people of Pinewood and the moss is growing up over them. But the call for help is loudest here. And the moss flexes and pulls the chest open and then it contracts and you hear. Oh, it flexes out again and it calls for help again. Oh, and then I, uh, I call back and I was like, it's definitely a trap for sure. Oh, fuck. And then being, we just walks forward like what? Yeah.

You step a little too close to the moss and the sticks and logs start to coalesce into this vaguely human shape, uh, where a log touches the moss. It pulls up sort of like a thick mossy hand and it's forming this like part rock, part log, part moss, humanoid shape. And it's like rising up out of the moss. Oh, he said trap, didn't he? And it, uh, it starts to swing at you. What do you do? I, I, I, I, uh, duck out of the way. I dexterity my way out of there. All right. Defy danger dexterity. Wow.

Two. Two, one. Plus my dexterity is at a minus one, making it zero. Oh, wow. Crystal hands. Perfect. I got punched in the face by a moss monster. You sure do. Okay. Uh, give me a D eight. Four. Four. So you take four damage. Okay. As this, um, uh, mercifully soft mossy fist, uh, thumps you in the chest and kind of sends you skidding across the cavern back that way or towards tuck, uh, to the side, like across the river. Yeah. Uh, Bev like hefts her ax and gets ready to fight.

And mirrors is like, ah, no, my God. He's trying to get his sword out of his, out of his scab. Here's just go back. It's like, no, I won't leave my friends. And he pulls his sword out. Uh, Billy, what do you do? Um, I, um, I guess he takes out his dagger and I go at it ready to tear it apart. Yeah, totally. Uh, that's great. Billy might actually have a, Billy has a sneak attack move, doesn't he? Well, it's that shoot first, isn't it? Uh, backstab. When you, uh, yes.

Attack a surprised or defenseless enemy who's currently focused on Ving. Uh, you get to choose to deal your damage. So without rolling, you can just deal your damage. Okay. Uh, or you can roll plus dexterity and choose additional. I would like to roll and then get additional things. Okay. So 2d6 plus dexterity. Please. Fuck. Whoa. Yeah. Yeah. Um, so I got 10. So on a 10, you choose two of these options. Sick. Okay. So I deal my damage plus 1d6. A d8 and then an additional d6.

Seven and then four. So 11. Jesus Christ. Fuck. Yeah. Uh, that's a lot of damage that Billy just dealt. Oh. Um, so how does Billy describe how Billy does that? Uh, Billy just like catapults himself really fast into like the, the main bod of the monster and he starts like hacking away at it's like, um, like all the moss under the feet and legs around it. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah. Moss is shearing and you feel like stick snapping. Yeah. Because Billy's like, how dare you?

You sneak us in here and hurt my friends. I'll kill you. You'll die. Yeah. Um, yeah. Whispering this to, yeah. Like, I see it. Oh my collection. Yeah. Trees and rocks. He's like inside of, I also use my mouth and I tear at it like an animal. Yeah. And you feel it. Can I get that one more to clean up? That's great. Yeah. As, as it touches your mouth, you feel that battery taste again. I handle it. Yeah. Like a champ. Like a battery eating champ. As the stick snaps, you feel.

Look how many batteries he fit in his mouth. What a champ. Billy's so tough. Um, and you do feel like parts of it snap and break a little bit as the, the form shifts and you feel the moss try and shear itself up. Uh, but yeah, you dealt a significant amount of damage to this thing. Way to go. Billy. Billy. Oh, I think I also want to, uh, create an advantage plus one forward to an ally acting on it. Sweet. What is that going to be? All right, mirrors. This is your chance.

If you really want to do something, there's like, uh, uh, yeah. Here's a standing there with this sword in one hand. Just like, um, okay. Plus one to try not to piss his pants. Here we go. Cut back in two, three, four. You just, you just hear him counting going up in the background. Stop counting. Stop counting up. He says to go backwards. He started, he goes, he's at 14. He starts counting down again, but then when he hits 70, he goes back up. Yeah, totally. Oh, you know what?

Yeah, uh, totally. And the advantage, I think the advantage can also be that Bev kind of wades in and starts swinging at this thing. So now it's trying not to, it's trying to kill Billy and, and Bev at the same time. It's like, oh my God, there's too many people here. I'm going to feast. Whoa. Um, and yeah, tuck, you're in this room with a screaming corpse and you look around. And there are a couple other corpses down here too. Are they screaming too? Uh, no, just the main one.

Uh, it's really wet in here too. Yeah. Right. Wet. Um, and, uh, the moss starts like picking the corpse up. Which one? Oh, we can, uh, Bernie's all of them. Yeah. The, the moss is flexing around these bodies and like picking up the corpses to stand up on their own two feet. And like the moss is holding them up from the legs. What the fuck? It's these weird sort of puppety people.

One of them just grabs like, it might've been a candle holder at one point, like a tall metal candle holder and just grabs it with a kernel mustard. Yeah. Yeah. It's going to get you the candlestick. The other one picks up a rope. The other one picks up a gun. Whoa. Yeah. I've never seen one of those before. The first time the first gun, uh, no, it just picks up like a metal rod basically. And they start moving towards you. What do you do? Ooh, this is the first time I'm fighting with the ax.

Oh yeah, that's true. Yeah. I use it for fight. Is that what you're doing? Can I move? That's the move I use for fight. Axe. 2d6 plus ax. Yeah. So, uh, slash. Yeah. I, uh, tuck is actually kind of scared of zombies. Who wouldn't? Why? Uh, cause there's a, there's a festival in McCall. There's a zombie fest. Uh huh. Oh wait, you want to tell me about that zombie festival for a point of experience? I was giving you an opening there. There you go. So tell me about the zombie festival.

Uh, look, every year, uh, in the, in the, uh, autumnal season, there is a zombie fest in, uh, McCall where, uh, the, uh, the zombies that live on the broken shores come back. Like there's all these, so the broken shores of the, the, uh, the salt flats on the one side of McCall and there are, uh, desiccated, uh, the dead husks of people that like walked out into the salt flats and died and then dried out.

And then they return once a year to the city, uh, to wreak havoc on the people who didn't come to save them on the salt flat. Hold on. So this is a festival. Once a year, McCall is attacked by zombies. They call it a festival. They tried to rebrand it. I thought it was like a Dia de los Muertes thing where it's like once a year, they say the corpses of the people will return. Unless you do this thing. That's just what tourism McCall said. Yeah. It's the tourism, uh, agency of McCall.

They really tried to rebrand it as a Dia de los Muertes type thing, but it's like a lot of tourists died during that. Mostly Muertes. Yeah. So once a year, McCall is attacked by salt zombies. Salt zombies. Yeah. Uh, so yeah, those are the memories. Tuck is reliving as he's being attacked by these moss people. So he's very frightened. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

So I don't think he's going to fight them. He's not going to use X for fight. He's going to use it for run. Okay. All right. So he smashes cause it's, it's rock walls, right? Yeah. So he just uses the ax to like smash through the closest wall. Oh. And I imagine it being like that guy from a X-Man that runs through walls. The juggernaut. Yeah. Like he's just running and smashing every wall in front of him. Yeah. He's like, cause I imagine there's like a lot of rooms here.

So he's just, like he's like smit he like runs sideways into a wall smashes and then whatever he if whenever he hits another wall yeah just through it again wow and he so he's not even running back towards his friend he's so frightened he doesn't know what the right direction is okay um yeah he runs through a bunch of rooms like you come describe all of them in detail okay how many okay how much work how much preparation did you do for this do you want an honest honest answer so roll a d6 so you're gonna roll a d6 and this is gonna be the number of rooms that tuck runs through because he's not even running in a straight line he's running just like the first wall he sees he's like smash so scared he feels like a child again one of the zombies stole his pet rock uh so yeah give me a d6 this is gonna be the number of rooms that tuck discovers while he's running through six great great so this room is the one with tables and moss and stuff like that this doesn't count this doesn't count as a six as one of the six rooms uh is tuck taking in any of this or is he just running through he's getting glimpses okay so you get a glimpse of um what look like rotted bookshelves with like piles of moldy paper and scrolls and stuff all over the place what's two of the book title no you're running through one thing you get glimpses of book titles yeah so you see the and you see um you see the and you see abridged you eat fucking dick do you want a book title give me one kujo there's copy whoever lived here liked kujo um you see advanced thaumaturgic dynamics okay for beginners and that's huge yeah it is and you run right through it you just see beginners I yeah and then I'd see that right before I smashed through the wall that has the bookshelf on it yeah yeah you've just burst through a bookshelf in the next room this one has uh some cauldrons and uh chests that maybe held food and you burst right through that one anything labeled um yeah there's a can that says peaches what the fuck and in my mind I'm like oh I haven't had peaches in a long time smash zombies this you smash through the wall and you realize that you're stomping through a bed like the wall the bed was on the wall that you came through your knees are bouncing back too high oh yeah yeah how much thread count does it feel like is the sheets oh it's so soft okay smash and what else is in places bathtubs coins endless coins and you smash right through and um yeah a bathroom one is just like it's a really small room and it's got a box with a hole in it and there's a book and that's where I end that's the last room uh no and then you burst through that wall and you come out like into the cavern okay cool that your friends are in because you basically just went in a big circle yeah and I'm still screaming and the zombies are behind you like they're like you you burst through and you see your friends fighting this big moss stick thing and um I scream zombies yeah so runs into the room and he burst through it he's like zombies and then uh three moss covered people like shamble into the room behind him being ferried along by the moss oh my god and um mirrors takes this opportunity to go and he lifts his sword and um he starts hacking at the moss thing too and that leaves the perfect opening for ving yeah has been slammed across the room uh I I can billy with his uh thing that he turns uh bark into jerky can he get some more spirits out of the water that's in this room can we get some well you're a spirit guy no like booze oh yeah scream at me tell me what to do billy we need more booze oh for sure okay I I dive into I dive into the water I hold onto my daggers and I start thinking about milk um oh right but you know what right yeah that's what I was thinking too okay so billy hits the water and um is he is he doing it like I'm taking water in his mouth he's like no I'm doing it like this like I'm like almost like I'm trying to keep afloat and uh treading water treading water and all the water that I'm rippling is like milk yeah you see milk start running down the cavern stream behind him that's it looks like he's shitting his you know it's over the diarrhea and it creates a cloud around yeah exactly exactly uh you know how everyone knows how that happens in a pool with diarrhea yeah you know you know how we how we've all had diarrhea in a pool and during a middle school hot tub girl uh christmas is part of my life already yeah uh billy's in the in the river making milk uh making milk fucking loving it yeah this was a great idea and is that what bing's trying to do yeah yeah I thought I thought that would work but it's not working can he instantly ferment this milk uh I mean probably not billy's magic is still untested right well I better crystal knife up my hands and chop into some zombies uh so are we so was this hack and slash yeah so just just roll hack and slash wow a little bit better uh plus strength six six six uh plus billy gave you an advantage right so it's oh yeah I did oh yeah nice nice yeah it's a pass thanks billy no problem yeah that's that's that's some classic role-playing game combat shit cool uh so roll your damage three you start hacking at it but you're hitting a lot of rock oh yeah and um you're chipping away at the rock but you don't get the idea that you're doing any significant damage to it and while uh you're doing that it roll the d8 again because with seven to nine on hack and slash you do your damage and they deal their damage uh yeah it just brings up like a loggy knee and nails you right in the chest oh worst fights tuck you've burst into the room yeah I see uh van get kneed by this guy so I I pull up my axe and he's made out of rock he's got rock in him is it it's rock and rock and moss okay can I do like a thor style like jump and like smash down as hard as I can well go ahead and roll hack and slash let's hope that that sticks in the ceiling yeah if he remembers how low the well it smashes rock so it would just be like okay destroy the cavern hack and slash five plus seven seven go ahead and roll your damage five okay again you don't do a huge amount of damage like you hit it pretty stop looking trying to cheat see the power hit point is it really I didn't know I was just sorry you're cheating no I'm just trying to see it all okay I'm sorry no that was great um so but with the rock smashing ability of your axe um you hit it in the same like arm that bing was trying to hit it on and you hit the rock and it just blows the yarn clean off wow yeah you do a little bit of damage but now it's like at a disadvantage yeah and I pick up the axe and I'm like I fucking love this uh bill billy's waiting in the water making milk uh which sounds like a thing right yeah no making milk um okay fine fuck it's only gross if you think it is everyone um so uh and billy gets the idea that maybe it wasn't as helpful as he thought it would be well billy immediately remembered that only he like milk is really only a problem for him and he sees everyone else drink milk all the time without any problems yeah he's learned to be able to talk about it at his ma meetings yeah um so he's like well what does everyone else drink and he remembers wine so he's he's like make wine he says it to himself this is gonna be this has got to be because he doesn't he usually makes things that he likes yeah so wine is hard now he's got a taste for wine oh great I mean it's not gonna be very good wine 26 plus charisma um uh eight eight okay great you are kicking around making a bunch of wine well you're so you're kicking around you're like wine wine wine and the water around you starts getting purple yeah and then flowing away down the cavern sick um but it's like flowing ahead of you too like up river so it's you start to make wine in this river and then you look up to the other side of the cavern where the fight isn't happening and you see three moss covered shapes start shambling down the side towards you and they're like reaching for you these horrible moss covered people oh my god can I go under the water uh yeah you can try and get away so that'd be a defy danger dexterity oh eight you can get away but as you're kicking around something in your pack gets loose no yes fine okay so pick something in your in your pack to lose forever um the goblin poison okay the little crystal cup with the goblin poison yeah yeah so the crystal cup um you see it you see the glitter as it falls out of your pack with the weird little cap you made for the goblin poison and it sails away down the river and it's gone forever fuck you can get away but as you're kicking around something in your pack gets loose but in kicking so hard that that falls out the moss zombies like reach for you and they can't quite get a grasp on you yeah but wine is being made in this river now yeah so it's alcoholic now so we gotta channel it yeah I was thinking of like channeling it around like putting a circle around us at least or a moat somehow so that the zombies coming in can't get us while we do yeah deal with the rest of this we've got elemental master or whatever it is yeah that's what I was gonna say build a elemental like moat to channel in the wine around us and build a moat to channel in the wine around us and build a ring of wine for the zombies not to be able to cross yeah nice so 2d6 plus what is it wisdom for elemental mastery yeah seven seven so choose one the effect you desire comes to pass you avoid paying nature's price and you retain control so you have to pick one of those things I guess I'll have the effect come to pass so I don't retain control that seems to be right up his alley okay so you what you like use that you carve a little thing yeah I call it up and all these things are like these things are like these things are like these things are like these things are like these things are like these things are like around and they form us more like a wall and the wine diverts around from the stream and starts flowing in around us in this little dyke nobody nothing we all tried so hard we all tried so hard jessica's the one that broke this time sorry I just look and I see a dual she has a very chivalric grin uh cherubic yeah you said chiberic yeah you know like a chiber yeah it's chiber um so you make a little whatever chiber is a stoner bear that shows up what's up guys it's chiber it's me chiber uh so you make this little moat and yeah whatever effect billy's created like the wine's coming off of him but now it's like sort of self-replicating like it's eddying around and the wine is just like getting stronger and stronger in the water and you create the moat and the moat starts to fill and then the moat rises above the edges that you created and the cavern starts to fill just a little bit with wine with wine whoa and uh the effect on the zombies they they fucking hate it yeah you see that you see the moss on the bottom of this big one start to like uh wither and it's trying to keep it together it's like stepping up above the rocks and trying to climb the cavern and it starts to actually stick to the walls of the cavern and like creep up it above you so it doesn't seem like it can touch the ground anymore but it's hanging above you in this weird sort of marionette pose creepy and these zombies they're having a much harder time because they've got this sort of organic human like rotting corpse component that they're not able to keep uh keep up with now that they're starting to come apart a little bit you notice that a lot of the zombies are trying to or the moss at least is trying to stick to one specific corpse they're all trying to move around this one body what that's those are the corpses that were following me yeah okay the price that you pay for nature is um the water from the river the wine starts to rush up your body and starts pouring in your mouth and within moments you are wasted and I'm like here we are again you're like embarrassingly oh god barely functioning he's like uh david hasselhoff drink eating that sandwich yeah exactly like what are we doing yeah so you're trying to keep control of this and it's just impossible so the wine is getting out of control and the zombies are starting to freak out and they don't know what to do and the moss monster's on the roof and uh vev um who's still swinging at the moss on moss monster on the roof it reaches down she like whacks off uh fuck dammit finish that sentence finish what you were saying it reaches down and she chops off um a little like mossy stick tendril and she's just kind of chopping it whatever chopped its little mossy dick off it's becoming less humanoid yeah as it stuck to the wall it's becoming this sort of like a roof octopus looking thing and she's chopping away those animes that I have seen and uh she says sorry she's she's calling to tuck actually she's like is there anyone here worth saving and she's like chopping away you said there was one of the guys that one of the bodies the moss seems to like be reaching towards is one of the zombies it's one of the zombies yeah you can discern realities during combat I should say oh okay can I discern reality like I because I that's just something that we've never done that I realize is very important yeah can I discern realities on that guy like do it so you're like trying to keep an eye on him yeah because it is weird that he's and I'm and she's like is there anyone worth saving so I'm like maybe this guy like yeah yeah yeah yeah go for it so 2d6 plus wisdom wozers um 12 okay so you get three questions from discern realities is there anyone here worth saving it's not a question can I trade in three questions for one for that one one question yeah so the questions are what happened here recently what is about to happen what should I be on the lookout for what here is useful or valuable to me who's really in control here what here is not what it appears to be okay I'm going to take three of those questions rearrange the letters and the words oh yeah so that it says who here is worth saving yeah and the answer is ask three questions from the list well what about what's valuable you see around the waist of the person the corpse that the moss is like moving towards aggressively they're all all the moss seems to be trying to focus on um what looks like a small leather bag that's being worn around the waist of the center zombie yeah all the moss is focusing on that leather bag yeah it seems to be trying to grab at it you know that he wears it around his waist yeah it's like a fanny pack it's like a fanny pack yeah he's got a little sort of fanny pack and tuck rolls his eyes like what a fucking loser what who's really in control here this fanny pack I mean kind of yeah it seems like the moss is reacting and acting because of that whatever he's wearing uh you do know this because like the fanny pack is in charge the moss is reacting to that the people are dead 100 like unquestionably those are corpses what happened here recently oh okay yeah the rooms that you sprinted through and the people and the fanny pack and the moss and all the magic shit that's going on you believe that these three people who may have been who are probably loggers from pinewood discovered this cave when exploring found that zone in there like they as they were digging through walls like the wall that was destroyed the one that you found they uncovered some sort of magical thing uh likely the fanny pack is magical I know does it come with rollerblades you don't know what it holds who knows you don't know what mysteries the fanny pack holds um and so they they it's basically the classic they dug too deep too hungrily and those loggers as they always do fucking loggers started with trees and just kept chopping and the whatever magic is contained within the fanny pack um magically charged the water which magically charged the moss which led to this whole problem oh big yeah what's drunk and wrecked he's hammered billy your wine is fucking awful yeah yeah I don't know what good wine is but yeah so this is all is tuck yelling this stuff out yeah and billy you're closest to us to all this because you were in the wine when it was like a river yeah so I'm like billy the fanny pack oh the fanny pack I know what that is um fuck I'm a thief I can do it he's saying yeah he's saying make a uh uh distraction or I mean if you're just trying to steal this I'm just trying to steal it could be a defy danger dexterity yeah okay like trade craft or something I don't um he's got tricks of the trade but it's for like if it's a like a lock when you pick locks or pockets or disable traps oh boom pockets pocket yeah so you're trying to steal from somebody technically a giant pocket yeah um the purse pocket okay I steal the purse pocket so 2d6 dexterity so I got 10 10 okay on a 10 plus you do it no problem yeah so wait did you say dab yes billy dabs yes or jessica no billy dabs he jumps out of the water dabs and then with his hand the furthest hand from him he grabs the fanny pack and it slips off the waist uh yeah it pulls through like the spine it just goes like yeah I hold it together yeah and you've got the fanny pack and the top of the fanny pack and you've got the top of the fanny pack and you've got the top half of the moss person like falls off yeah and the moss is trying to pick it up but you see the moss is like reaching ever so slightly for the fanny pack uh I fuck off I scoop up billy yeah the wine continues to rise and uh vev is like still hacking at the moss thing on the roof and mirrors is like he doesn't know what to do he can't even reach the moss monster um and they're all like we should go yeah we should go now can we get out uh yeah everybody give me a defy danger dexterity seven five eight you got a five I got a five can we both aid no a thousand times um okay um everybody books like tucks too big yeah it's ving singing closing time yeah everybody's wrapping up uh the moss monster is swiping at people from the roof drunk you mcgee get out and I'm fucking not getting out it's incredible when you love to know your big galoot vev like grabs him by the shirt and is like come on you idiot and you're beautiful idiot you're beautiful fool and start shoving him up I love you when you're quieter she just like grabs you very firmly by the belt and throws you up the tunnel and uh she climbs up after and um billy you are kind of wading through the wine to get to the edge of the tunnel yeah and tuck is behind you and you turn around and tuck roll me a d8 tuck four uh so you take four damage well three three damage as this thing just smokes tuck on the side of the head oh my god and and he hits the ground and like kind of goes under the wine a little bit and you can leave but tuck will be here oh I uh who's in front of me mirrors is like trying to get out and he's like oh I'm like trying to get out mirrors catch I throw the fanny pack oh yeah he he hooks it with it he hooks the strap on his hook and he's like are you what are you doing I'll be up in a second okay and the wine levels continue to rise yeah what does billy do um I go under to wake up tuck okay you're swimming through this yeah this purple liquid uh-huh and tuck is like his eyes are your eyes are open tuck but you're like pretty disoriented okay yeah and you see this uh little orb swim through the wine towards you yeah and I respond what's billy doing to get him tell him wake up okay so give me another defy danger maybe constitution to like shake yourself right yeah so he's slapping up my face under the wine trying to wake me up yeah 15 15 hi aid four fail 15 okay so um you ving or tuck you wake up you burst out of the wine billy in one hand a little drunk yeah and um yeah you're a little wasted billy's not feeling so hot either sopping red and um as you reach up billy roll a d8 real quick eight whoa oh do you have any any armor or anything uh uh uh just say yes no I don't think no I don't think I'm gonna be able to do that I'm gonna be able to do that I'm gonna be able to do that yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes relatively relatively easier time getting out of the tunnel and you burst out of the top and vev and ving you're at the top and uh mirrors is laying on his back with his sword in one hand and the fanny pack on his hook just like panting um and he's being nudged by juniper and uh yeah you're all sort of out of the top and you see the moss has started to die away but it's reaching a little bit for the fanny pack from where you are can I cover the the lid put a rock lid oh yeah top of the the hole yeah two to six plus wisdom oh god you rolled it too okay four god uh holy moly I've done three of those today so you are like standing over the cavern um you know hands out uh you trying to be like obey me yeah just hammered yeah fucking shit face yeah and um you feel the spirits and the rocks start to respond and then you feel the ground start to rumble and the tunnel does start to like collapse in and it starts to close and then you just feel the ground underneath you drop a little bit and from where you're standing you're able to like ride it out yeah you're able to ride it out more or less but the whole area where like the moss and the tree fell and all that stuff was just collapses inward and the tree feller tumbles into a hole in the earth sinkhole do we fall into the sinkhole too no you're on like the edge of it thankfully okay um so you're you kind of slide a little bit but it's not too bad like it's not a full sinkhole but like parts of it are collapsing you get the idea that the the living area that you were in has like completely been destroyed and the tree feller tumbles into a hole and um after the dust settles and everything's been sucked underground somehow um vev is just laying there like grabbing onto a tree root uh to not fall in the hole and she goes well I don't know if you're gonna get paid for this one this has been Spout Lore welcome to a catastrophic failure in the in the party's history I'm your game master Sean O'Hara with me as always uh players abdulaziz I think for a period of time I thought it we were hired as landscapers for the little bit of it Paul Oppers uh he's pretty hungover really hammered and jessica tie thank you for listening thank you to west lord for all the technical stuff thanks to abdul for all the editing aaron reed for the intro and outro music uh and thank you to mark and mp for allowing us to record in their beautiful home and thank you to you for listening maybe give us a review on itunes a nice one yeah fuck you whoever gave us two stars show yourself call me on my phone look me up on the internet we will set we will set a date and time we will fight this out oh you're gonna fight okay yeah oh I'm not giving them anything good that's what you get oh wait wait no what's okay you're gonna give my phone number but I'm a girl yeah I think everyone is pretty respectful no they're not no jessica's phone number oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh and nice and excited and it's fun for us for everybody thank you so much for listening see you next time bye-bye and so ends the tale of adventures three who tried the best they can though dumb and scared and lost they be for times of rest in revelry and though our journey may be like a conclusion we will not leave you without a resolution return next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores and for you I'd gladly that's fair that's fair that we wouldn't get paid you know what I was gonna fight you on that we could fight her next time no I'm looking at the destruction I yeah it's a cascading failure I raise my finger to like yell at her about it and then I look back and I'm like fair totally fair