Episode 9 – War Pig

Spout Lore is brought to you by listeners like yourself. If you want to check out more stuff or give us a support, go to www.pat… I'll start over. It sounds like a fucking AltaVista ad. Gather round, friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes, noble and bold. A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old. You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring. So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing.

Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight. Fingers have health, he shifts his shape and wields a spear with great might. Billy's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart. Best in bread. They may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts. So gather round, friends, and listen close. For the tale's about to start. Hello, everybody, and welcome to Spout Lore. I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara.

Joining me as always playing Tacoma Dome, the barbarian, Abdul Aziz. Hello, everybody. Playing Ving, the half-elf druid, Paul Oppers. Hello there. And playing Fat Billy, the halfling. We've just got to die. Hello. When last we left our heroes, they began their journey from the roost headquarters of the Crows to Lone Tree Hill, fortress of the Pumpkin King. They came in the accompaniment of the Crows themselves, as well as their leader, the mysterious and cunning Wild Bill.

The party accompanied these halflings across the blasted wastelands of the Everwood Valley on their journey to defeat their foe. And I'm remembering that the original plan was to go take over the Pumpkin King's horde so that we could use the pile of groceries, as Jessica put it. Yes. To attract the Crows. To attack the pig. Yeah, to attack all the pigs. Attract the pigs. And then- Take down Razortask. Take down Razortask. Take his armor off and the hogpocalypse forever.

That's ultimately what we're trying to do. Yeah. Okay. So that's an important thing to remember. That's good. Let's put a pin in that. Let's put a pin in that. That's where we started. Because we're in the middle of a wrestling match right now. On stage. Right. Right. I forgot. Okay. So on their way through the lands, they discovered a massive barricade of discarded furniture from surrounding farmlands, protecting an intact field of corn.

The party traveled through this towering pile of detritus before one of the younger members of the Crows. Made the classic Aladdin blunder of touching a shiny thing that he saw in a dangerous place, bringing the furniture crashing down. Ving solved this problem by summoning the spirit of an elk who formed a body out of the furniture. Also creating kind of like a city bus. And then you guys had a thing to ride. Your new friend Dodge, the giant elk made out of furniture. The party continued.

You arrived at Lone Tree Hill having made probably six or seven different plans. On the way there. Landing on Billy will illusion all of the halflings to look like potatoes in the butt of the elk. And then Trojan horse into Lone Tree Hill and use that as a sort of surprise attack to gain access to the Pumpkin King's hoard. Totally. And then we arrived at Lone Tree Hill. Yeah. And then you approached the people on the wall. The problem was. Paul. Started talking before anybody else was.

Don't use my name. Have I got a good idea now? So Ving took points. That's how I captured the audience. Ving took points on the on the arrival and immediately announced you all as a circus. As a circus that was was wanted to give food. Yes. For the privilege of performing. That food then being added to the hoard where we were eventually trying to get. Uh huh. I think was maybe put some of my reasoning. But that's also not how circuses work. Oh no, no, no. They take money to perform. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. It did work though. The halflings said that while they wouldn't allow you in. Sorry, Sean. Can you say that again? The plan did kind of work as the halflings didn't say that you could come in, but they said that they would come out and they would watch your performance. So you started setting up a sort of. Setting up a stage chairs, the whole deal. Yeah.

Tuck rigged up some pyrotechnics and failed miserably unknowingly creating a series of bombs along the front of the stage that will explode at some point. Yeah. I packed a bunch of music bottles with gunpowder and I was like, these are going to look so pretty. Yeah. I love the smell of spotlights in the morning. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, and the, the play began sort of a combination of perfect strangers and Lucha Libre wrestling. Yeah.

Billy came out with a mask and a cape being was dressed like a also him. I think he also had like a cape on. Yup. And tuck was dressed like a Harlequin clown. That's what it was. Yeah. Cause when I introduced them, like it very quickly evolved into just like a wrestling match with some backstory, a little bit of backstory, but the crowd clearly wants a wrestling match. They want a wrestling match. Yeah. Dodge. The elk was brought inside as a gift. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

And they're like, we're heroes now. Tell me the scene that we are seeing play out on stage right now. Where are we at in the performance? I think we're still squaring off and maybe giving too much backstory. Okay. Okay. Yeah. That part of wrestling, you know? Yeah. Right. Okay. So let's start with some exposition then from the characters. Our uncle always liked you better. Yeah. No wonder. Right. And Billy flexes. And the audience goes, ooh. And the halflings clap. Yeah. Get them.

And he goes, yes. And they go, boom, boom. And Billy goes, how's the weather? And Billy goes, how's the weather? And Billy goes, how's the weather? And they're like, we're up there. And the halflings go, ah. They love that. They love roasting tall people. And then Tuck takes one of those metal sheets and makes a thunder sound with it. And spits on Ving. Okay, the spitting. What can you do without the spitting? You'll find out the weather when I launch you into space.

And then we start doing a little squaring off around each other, you know? Yeah. Boom. Boom. And we get them to just clap their, stomp their feet. Jump. Jump. Jump. They start stomping and clapping. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Yeah, gravy. Let's give it up for gravy.

Gravy, gravy, gravy. The gravy Libre. And then I go, or the stupid bitch. I could tell what the crowd wanted. I was just going. Okay. You can see that the halflings are not interested in the perfect strangers. Like the unit isn't really is. And now it's a, it's a, we have common ground. We're here to find common ground to learn from each other's customs. I think that the halfling might win. And you can see guys up on the wall, the pumpkin King.

He crosses his little arms under his big pumpkin helmet. And he kind of starts to turn away. It seems like he's bored. Oh no. And you know, we cut like the camera cuts to the inside and you can see a bunch of potatoes in the ass of this elk start rumbling around. Yeah. And like moving. So if you, if you don't keep the pumpkin King's attention. Okay. Dude, you got to play it up. Like you're the bad guy. I am here to eat the hearts of each and every halfling. Well, it defy danger charisma.

Here I go. Sick. I got nine. Oh my God. Oh, I aid. Okay. Okay. Billy pulls out his jingly sword and he takes out the blade. He's like actual intrigue. Yeah. No. If I eat yours first. Whoa. Shit. Okay. So that's a failure. So it's still a seven to nine. Okay. Um, as a four, which means something bad happens to Billy. Um, Billy, uh, didn't grip it properly. The, the, so he cuts his own hand. Oh, he cuts his own hand. He has his blood going everywhere.

So, so Finn goes into a scared mom mode and then drops the, I'm going to eat your heart and goes into, you've got blood on your hands. Oh my God, Billy. Oh my God. What have you done? This is a foreshadowing your blood on my hands. Billy, roll a D4. Okay. Three. Three points of damage as you slice your own hand deep. Oh. And the seven to nine is that, yeah, like they're still like, yeah, but you are worried because Billy is bleeding everywhere.

So now I start to, I'm like orchestrating the play to try and hate him outwardly and heal him inwardly. Okay. And the pumpkin King sees the blood and goes, Whoa, like leans in. Billy's spraying it everywhere. Oh my God. He's spraying the crowd with it. And they're like, Oh, what the fuck? Finn's trying to get up, like sit on him basically to get him to stop spraying people. And this is when we start wrestling for real. Yes. It turns into actual wrestling match right now.

And then Tuck goes, the evil Druid is thirsty. He's thirsty for blood. No. Keep him away from my blood. My precious, precious blood. That's what he's doing. Like, Oh yes. You know, when he's hearing a mom puts a spit on it. Oh, it's delicious. Why is it so sweet? Billy? Tastes like corn syrup. Don't worry about it. We gotta take you to a doctor for sure. Oh my God. You have to have diabetes. Your blood is giving me diabetes. I'm pre-diabetic. He's drinking my blood. Oh my God. Oh my God.

He's eating me alive. I'm putting poisons in there to make you weaker. Healing potion, healing potion. Can I heal him? The poultice takes a while. Okay. Okay. You can stop the bleeding. Yeah. But the, the damage will remain. I take a piece of my costume like, Oh no, let go. And you like rip it off. You have ripped my costume and tie it up. What is your costume? Oh yeah. It is a, it's a Cape of many colors. Ooh. Uh, technically many colors. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

It's a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, beard and not a whole lot else he's got like a skin suit on like a like a ving colored flesh suit on so he's like really skinny wow he looks like a little monster he looks like a naked like a well a little he's seven feet tall yes yeah or 6 10 or whatever he's doing all this lanky business a lot of knees and elbows it's really weird like kind of looks like a chupacabra yeah it's a chupacabra for sure for sure for sure yeah anyways he's super skinny and long and pointy and he's covered and he's like duct tape some hair to him and stuff yeah totally where is their hair down there because you realize that when you had a naked suit on that it would they would just be like oh he just doesn't have any junk so he just hid it in a bunch of hair suit did you make your feet into like hooves nope okay but I mean yes you were most no no no you can say no you were just in my mind most of the way to satyr already so I was just like are you a satyr oh yeah pretty much he but he did turn his hands into hooves and his mouth into hooves so you're a first satyr with hoof mouth hoof mouth and hoof disease yeah oh good so okay your plan here is to continue the performance yeah and distract the pumpkin king long enough for the the crows to do their thing yeah so that they can get out and like break into the horde yeah and open it up ving clock said he really likes blood so then he opens one of the music bottles and then opens his forehead because there's a lot like he in a fake tussle with billy and then he opens his forehead because there's a lot of blood there oh wrestling style yeah where they like they nick their forehead so they get covered in blood yeah can I ask what billy's dress is uh he's wearing that nacho libre kind of uh outfit so he's got no shirt on but he's got the he's got the wide belt sash yeah jorts jorts shiny jorts yes I will acknowledge that five words into your mouth are not the same as five words into your mouth description you deviated from the nacho libre sash jorts jorts two words shiny loose jorts no shirt basketball shorts yeah he's like a bully from the 90s he smeared a lot of stuff on himself like dirt and paint and he's wearing a a mask uh-huh cool and he's got a little cape on he's got yeah so he also looks insane both of you look like the bad guys guy in this play for sure I'm tussling with bing I'm trying to do a flip using his horns oh cool oh sick if that was billy what are you doing bing help me help me like make a little cool okay okay okay okay 26 plus dexterity I have to time this right okay one two three I'm not good uh four plus two is six oh yeah okay aid aid aid yeah three two one oh holy shit these are hot rolls yes nice I got 11 so seven to nine which means that uh bing flips over billy I really launched myself yeah and as you're like you turn over once turn over twice and you're like facing one of the footlights and it fucking bang right oh right in front of you not enough that you like it's it is powerful but it was mostly bright and it's a burst of music like so loud for a second uh what kind of music is that it's a burst of music it's a burst of music out of this bottle but just the beginning of it so it's just the scream from sabotage and so you're like your ears are ringing your eyes are fucking you can't see for a second you got big circles in the middle of your eye from the flash and you're kind of deaf a little bit and then tuck got too amped so he gets a folding chair and smashes me as hard as he can and then he's going and the and the pumpkin king the pumpkin king's hands are like on the edge of the battlement like leaning forward oh my god we'll sell you the whole battlement but you'll only need the hatch what are you what are you rolling to do here are you rolling hack and slash I guess yeah it's pvp now oh my god 2d6 plus strength for hack and slash jesus uh that's 11 okay so you're rolling tux damage which is what's your damage three okay not too bad so vang has a very jarring two seconds where the bottle explodes in your face it's really loud and bright and then you get hit with a folding chair my my forehead is open yeah you are and now it's it's like you didn't even have to cut it open because it's open in a different place now and you are bleeding okay but the halflings are enraptured so the camera can cut inside for a moment what do we see happening I like it I think it's funny that you're not in the the elk is pooping out potatoes yeah from the side view we see a bunch of potatoes tumbling out booty yeah and it's kind of dodge is kind of like crouching down a little bit and like shaking them out of his butt his tail's up yeah like a dog taking a shit exactly yeah and then he kicks the dirt and inside of lone tree hill we see the village as we might remember from the the billy spelt lorigins a couple years ago a collection of small buildings dwellings sort of like an outdoor kind of market stall arcade kind of thing like you know a big awning with sticks and a newspaper printer off in the distance with a sketchy shifty looking figure running back and forth between the front and back doors say I am totally normal today is a totally normal business day don't look at what I'm doing in here even though you can see it all that but then you're like oh my god I'm not gonna be able to get out of here I'm gonna be able to get out of here I'm gonna be able to get out of here draped with banners with a hastily painted jack-o'-lantern face on them and I guess in the middle of town so everybody can see it no one can sneak up on it a big pile of food you got a push in the middle of town yeah right in the middle of town somebody comes out with a push broom and brooms all the potatoes into the pile oh yeah and they're like what are all these potatoes doing out here time for you to go with your friends potatoes sweet sweep sweep I love sweeping the potato pile you know a lot of people think that the pumpkin king's been bad for lone tree hill but before I just swept the ground now look at me I'm sweeping potatoes and all the halflings are like what is this guy's deal who is he talking man sweeping steve is lots of money who is he talking to is he just talking to himself or is there another person and the pie the potatoes get swept into the big pile of food and sweeping steve walks along looking for something else to sweep and after a few moments of silence one of the potatoes blinks its eyes cute and we cut back outside what do we see tuck has wheeled out one of those old style like backgrounds that like look like waves and there's like a ship billy's rowing this fake little wooden ship and there's a second ship with bing in it behind chasing yeah yeah doing this with his arms he doesn't have any oars at the front of the boat swimming the ship uh billy is throwing uh balls of yarn at bing and he's doing like cannonball and tuck shakes everything when it when cannonball goes off and one of the bombs actually I'm so sorry bing is losing a lot of blood I know he's getting a little bit woozy so billy goes to balls of gauze and he's like another campbell uh it hits him like in the in the eye oh oh god sticks to all the blood and unrolls so now he's just got this big thing of gauze hanging off his face yeah I just want to make sure I know what you guys are doing your plan continues to be put on a show distract everybody yeah but I tuck has a tuck has a plan because he's been really going hard on all of this and he goes to the front of the stage as the whole thing is happening he points at billy and he's like our brave hero attempts to escape on the sea of graves oh yeah jessica jessica did what is this symbol just two peace symbols she did a cross in front of her chest yeah billy does do that but the evil druid and he points at bing and he's like help please please don't please don't make fun of me anymore and then tuck leans into me he's like I'm so sorry buddy but you gotta hold it together a little bit your touch is comforting me so much thank you so much I'm keeping together the show must go on and then tuck goes but the evil druid is catching up with his arcane arts and then uh like tuck takes like the boat that fing is in and like lifts it up in the air as if it's gonna smash down on billy and tuck goes only one so brave as the pumpkin king is and then he's like oh my god I'm so sorry I'm so sorry could save our brave hero and then I take billy's sword and throw it up to the pumpkin king please pumpkin king come help okay uh defy danger charisma and I'm trying to get him out of the tower and down yeah yeah for uh audience participation yeah interesting and I go don't you want to see your brave king save this pure halfling 26 plus charisma yeah charisma again 12 okay uh the pumpkin king shoots his hand up grabs the sword by the handle holy shit glitters looks at it and is like no you know does the like I couldn't possibly like hand wave I knew he would be chicken and the halflings start turning around and they go pop cake cake pop cake cake and they're like clapping like come on pop cake cake pop cake cake and they're like come on pop cake cake pop cake cake and they're like come on pop cake cake pop cake cake and he holds up his hands and he nods and he starts walking down yeah he disappears and then the gate creaks open just a little bit and the pumpkin king and I like that he comes out like ah like with a kind of actor he's like smile on his face he's trying to like really put on a show for his people yeah yeah he starts swinging the sword around he's got his jack-o'-lantern helmet you can see like halfling features underneath in the light of the lamps that you've put up it's not just a pumpkin person I guess is all I'm trying to say is that you're not just a pumpkin person trying to say it's not a pumpkin he's not just a nikabud no not not anymore and he approaches the stage and he gets up onto the stage and holds his hands in the sword up aloft and the halflings all cheer yeah pumpkin cake and he faces he kind of makes a show of facing off with ving okay now yeah ving starts engaging in a very slow okay into slow motion now he's like wings and he's like here we go to try and take up more time okay you know it was in a bullet time to run all the potatoes to do their magic yeah totally and inside what do we see the potatoes have been pooped out onto the ground I mean they would have to like restrain people yeah maybe so maybe that's what they're doing yeah we see like a sort of uh you know halfling like standing guard like the camera pans past a halfling standing guard and a potato runs off script grabs him and pulls him around a corner like they're stealth potatoes still in potato form but then they're like now they're normal because they've uh put on like the stolen person's clothes oh yeah now they're just a halfling yeah and there's like a couple playing haystacks like the halfling version of cornerstone oh cool and they like get pulled out of the room that they're in through a window and then two halflings take their place I saw I saw one of the potatoes like on a cutting board and the halfling about to cut it and then they cut they cut their arm with their wrists and they put it back in their face and then knocked them out and took their clothes yeah they're about to get cooked up that's so sick so there's like a metal game and then they're like oh my god I'm gonna get my hands on this and I'm gonna get my hands on this you're solid like stealth segment happening in the middle of this they're just like quietly like going through the town yeah oh so maybe the plan is like install themselves so when the show's over great you're in control and all the others are outside yeah and then we fortify the fortress yeah because we kind of we got the like regular people outside like the women and children and stuff and then only the guards were left inside and then we right drew the king himself out this plan is working great you might say all of us so the pumpkin king is delightfully playing the part of hero slow-mo fighting with ving yeah and ving is really milking the time here oh yeah okay great what do we see that signals that the town has been secured a flag the pumpkin flags goes down the flagpole so the three of you see the flag go down on the pole and you know that the four of you are going to be in the flagpole and the fort has been taken yeah what do you do well we don't have to do anything because the fuses has finished so then one of the bottles explodes yeah yeah okay shooting shards of molten glass everywhere so the pumpkin king raises his sword triumphantly for a final blow and just as he begins to bring the jester sword down ving catches his hand and then the bombs explode yeah and the music that starts playing is as like they're all so there's explosions and that halfling families get out of harm's way they shield their heads and eyes as they dash backwards toward the gates and ving's like be careful everybody what did you do boom and people are blinded and deafened tuck is like can't see he's like something went wrong with the pirate tactics yeah!

Ving has secured the pumpkin king and he's also trying to deflect glass and save the people yeah so the people run back to the gates and the gates are closed haha woah woah we did woah woah how could it be but ving you're trying to restrain the pumpkin king yeah he's got him and he like he caught him from down on the ground in his like little twisted pose and then he just like catches him and like winks at him and then just stands up with him and secures him under his arms give him a little noogie give me a defy danger strength alright alright alright 12th Handling So it turns out The halfling The pumpkin king Is still a halfling So he is like Three feet tall You just pick him up Into the air And he's swinging His arms and legs Yeah and he takes The sword out of his hand You're gonna hurt Somebody with that Unhand me Release me I am the pumpkin king Yes I understand But right now You're my pumpkin prisoner Okay Cute And you guys are like Twee Like trying to get Your ears unplugged I can't see or hear Anything Yeah I like run into Tuck Cause Billy also Can't see or hear anything And Tuck's like Who's that Is it the pumpkin king Oh my god Oh get him Get him Yeah get him Get him You're so much bigger Than I thought you were Hit Billy with a folding chair Oh no Billy is out cold What'd she do Billy just gets Fucking golfed Across the courtyard Man Tuck has been a menace Since he discovered Folding chairs God Too amped He's never seen A real pumpkin king Wrestling match Yeah Or a folding chair And you You know You've got the pumpkin king In your hands He's kicking and Kicking and swinging And screaming And you hear So sorry to do this To you Jack But Your fortress Is now under New management And he goes No It couldn't be You're You're dead And he Pulls off his hood And Jesus Holy shit What Whoa Wild Bill says The reports of my death Have been greatly Exaggerated That's right They weren't Real Okay So what's your plan From here Billy wakes up And Having been hit With a folding chair And he realizes What's going on I think I should Try to restrain The pumpkin king Like we should tie him up Or something I was gonna put him up On the flagpole Yeah I wanted to wrap him In yarn Yeah great And then we could String him up Perfect Okay Define your dexterity To make sure that it is A secure knot Those ones suck I'm using these Eleven Okay yeah You You like Crochet The halfling The pumpkin king I make a really good Little like Crocheted sleeping bag For him Like a papoose Yeah A little drawstring Yeah And tighten the drawstring Around his neck And he's fully encased Yeah So cute What the world doesn't know Is putting them in a papoose Is the easiest way To defeat a halfling Yeah It's true It's also the most insulting It really is Okay The pumpkin king Is safely restrained Yes Yeah So we cut to We see the pumpkin king's Flagpole With the pumpkin king Himself attached Being hoisted Into the air Oh we used a bit of his flag As part of the papoose Oh yeah That's fun Nice And he's just like You can't do this You can't You don't understand Don't We?

Stability I bring stability To these lands Without me They'd be over Everyone would be overrun By the hogs You bring stability Within these walls These lands are far Beyond the walls Of your keep These walls Are all that's left You'll see Your laws And then he's too far away To be heard Wait can nobody hear me? I'm talking really loud Yeah I'm just Pulling him up even higher No wait Is this Is this I think the pumpkin Makes it hard for me To be heard It's muffling His voice Is this thing on?

Feedback I have to be And then that crow From before The one that kills for sport Lands on the top of the pole Oh my god Oh yeah Please He's got a weird look In his eye What's your deal?

I think he's tasted blood He's got a taste Of pumpkin He starts Pecking at the Inside of his And Wild Bill Like dusts off his hands And he goes Well job done Pumpkin King Has been Eliminated I suppose You know I have to say I thought he would have been A greater threat Than he turned out to be Yeah That's what we're Finding about all Nothing Very well I do have a question Is everyone just on board With the pumpkin king Not being around anymore? Yeah they don't care They don't give a fuck?

Well the guards Have been tied up Right And the people Are like There's a lot of like Hugging between like The people that were here In the crows Oh And there's like A sort of sense of Elation and relief Okay From among the halfling people here He was kind of Keeping them under Yeah he was He was doing a thing That no halfling Is cool with doing Which is like Hoarding Right And excluding people So everyone was kind of Not okay with it Yeah So for Steve It seems like He really And the halflings are like He He!

He rationed the food We He rationed it from us Whoa Yeah That sucks Yeah He's like a plump little halfling He's been eating plenty Oh yeah All the guards are super plump Uh huh Oh yeah Even plumper than normal That's why it was so easy For the crows To feed them Yeah They just pushed them downstairs And then they kept rolling Oh Oh I'm not hurt But oh I can't get up All the halflings are in that like Billionaire tech guy Starvation Mode Where their bodies and minds Are running at peak efficiency They're all chewing nicotine gum And all of the Former guards Are in one of those You know in like a Walmart When there's just a bunch of balls In like kind of a Naked cage A loose Elastic cage A loose elastic cage All the guards are in one of those Just like sitting in there like Huh Well we did it again Jerry Here we are again Back in the ball cage I told you it wouldn't work On the screen I told you it wouldn't work On the screen I told you it wouldn't work On the screen I told you it wouldn't work I told you it wouldn't work On the screen I told you it wouldn't work Could you guys shut up I'm trying to They're all perfect spears Can somebody turn me around Who's shifting Who's shifting Every time you shift We all shift Yeah like there are mothers And their children And like Like elderly halflings Coming out And just joy in their faces As they see their community Beginning to reform There's a halfling version Of that one picture From the movie From V-Day Of like The soldier dipping The nurse I think And there's another explosion From outside And glittering pieces of glass Are through the air As the kiss connects Oh gosh Some of them are still live Out there I think I sure hope nobody's At the tent And now To the matter at hand I suppose Razor tusk Razor tusk Razor tusk We have to open the gates We must waft the smell Does anyone have anything They can do to like Cook the food or something Oh yeah That's what we should do We should have a feast Oh yeah We should have a big party feast Feast Oh that's what halflings would do Yeah Of course Amazing And he's like Don't waste the food Russian Russian Yeah So you're gonna have a big feast Yeah Big old cookout Yeah In town or outside Just right in the square Right there Oh yeah But we're gonna open the doors Wide open Yeah So there's a breeze Yeah And maybe Ving can create A big breeze later on Oh yeah I don't mean to toot Stop it You also know where Razor tusk is Because of the Oh yeah Because I marked him And you also turn the tusk Into a compass Oh yeah Yeah Right I forgot about that And it always points to where he is So you can blow the wind In his direction Great That's why I did that Yeah That's why I did that And that's why after doing that I remembered that For this moment Yeah To bring back the things To allow the episode To go forward Yeah It's called planning And professionalism guys And it always works out Then okay The halflings Start looking at each other Going feast Feast Feast Feast Feast Feast Feast Feast And then everybody Like starts scattering And grabbing Cooking implements Tables Chairs I thought there was A whole bunch of potatoes Here just a minute ago Steve That means the potatoes Must have rolled away And he picks up his broom And he goes I'll find them He puts sunglasses on He's like I'm coming for you potatoes And the feast Okay what is it What is each of you doing To help prepare for the feast So I'm gathering All the folding chairs That are made of wood And I'm throwing them Into a huge pile Because we're going to have Like a bonfire kind of feast Nice Definitely not sitting On the chairs Just a full Burn the chairs Beautiful So Billy's dragging Chair after chair After chair Into the main square What's telling you?

What's Tuck doing? Um Shit What could he do That would be the most effective To bring Razortusk I think what Tuck is doing Is he's taking the walls Of the town down Oh Yeah It's He's like He's What? Defensively Is it bad? Is that a bad plan? No no no I was just thinking That he is still A giant pig Called Razortusk With magical armor Do we need somewhere safe To put the halflings? Oh maybe Yeah Right?

They could stay In the main keep area Or we can put them all In Dodge Yeah And tell Dodge To run away I guess I'm talking to Dodge I'm taking down the fences And then I go And I talk to Dodge Okay What do you need? When everything kicks off With Razortusk Uh huh Can you Keep the halflings With you The ones that aren't Going to be fighting them?

Oh yeah Okay And just keep them safe So if like The pigs get too intense And we end up dying As a result of it Oh my gosh Which And then I lean into him And I go It would be a really Unsatisfying end Of the podcast So I doubt That that's what's Going to happen Oh for sure But If things go south We need you to keep The halflings safe Can do Okay I've got a real Fetching living room set Sort of on my Back right shoulder That I think They'll really like It really brings My ass together And then And then Tuk goes And he starts Taking the walls Of the town down To open it back up Is that a good idea?

Defensively? You know what? Never mind You do your thing And he just stands there Rattling Every once in a while Gently surveying All of the detritus That he can't wait To incorporate Into his form What's Ving doing?

Oh he's creating An even Bigger compass With a giant There was like A kiddie pool Where they were hanging out Some of the higher Guards were like Lounging And they were like It's a spa day So everybody had to come in And like give them Mud Treatments So he's taken that And filled it with water And he's Magnetized the tusk No he's put it on A big leaf In the middle of the pool So that everyone Can use it as a guide So he's not the only one Who has to watch the tusk Oh cool Everybody will know When it's coming And where it's coming from Yeah Okay great So the food gets cooked In the way that halflings Like to cook food So what kind of dishes Are we seeing On these tables?

Boiled potatoes Mashed potatoes Roasted potatoes Barbecue potatoes Some of the guards That we brought in Were like Oh phew Like they really Dodged a bullet here Yeah Barbecue Pumpkins Pumpkin pie Potato pie Potato pot pie Boiled eggs Whoa Unpeeled Unpeeled Yeah like they're Like they get boiled And they get peeled And then they get Put in a bowl Oh I see Yeah Okay Dried blueberries Blueberry pie Blueberry Potato Potato Blueberry stuffed potatoes Yum Oh dessert potatoes Yeah Billy's just melting down Looking at all the different Yeah Potato blueberry Potato hot Blueberry potato pie Gravy Blueberry Mushroom gravy Potato pie Yeah Chuck's Walked by a few times And Billy's just been In the exact same spot Listing thing Soup So many soup Billy can you help me With this fence?

What?

And Billy looks over His eyes are just Actual potatoes People are dilated Yeah Yeah Dilated His mouth is Dripping with Drool So gross Bring some glass of water He needs to hydrate He's losing too much fluid He's been drooling for days And Takes down The last of the walls Yeah Lone tree hill Is now returned And I imagine You know Half Crows have gone around And ripped down The pumpkin king's banners Yeah And every time that happens The pumpkin king Kind of kicks his arms and legs No My banners I merely lose my deposit Yeah And uh The feast is on People are digging into potatoes People are digging into pies People are digging into blueberries And all of the configurations That exist for those things People are doing reenactments Of the fight around the fire You know Yeah And they're talking about How bad things were Under the pumpkin king And they keep They keep pointing up at him And laughing Like what a nerd He ruined everything And there's the From the loose bag cage Of round guards There is uh Some mutterances Of we're sorry We're sorry Can I have a Can I have a Can I have a little piece of pie Can you just dump a bit of potatoes in here We'll just grab what we can Throw me a little piece of raclette A little bit of a raclette chase Just a little bit of raclette Please I'm begging you Cause the plan here is to waft Yeah Yeah So we're We got big stew pots going and stuff Mmhmm Putting all the All the aromatics in there Oh yeah Yeah Tons of garlic and stuff like that They put the All the food And all the wafting dishes On a giant lady Lazy Susan Mmhmm With the compass in the middle So that they can put All the waft around Oh yeah Yeah That's a good idea And what is the actual power Of the waft being completed by Elemental mastery Alright Here we go Elemental mastery Greg that's seven So I get to choose one Okay So I get to choose one So I get to choose one Okay I will choose The effect I desire comes to pass Okay Which means that you Pay nature's price And do not retain control That's correct Okay So You start Summoning The spirits of the wind And the air Mmhmm To Cast the smells of this food about It comes in like The As like the sparks Of the fire are going up Oh They're turning into Bat Sparks Bat ashes And they're coming down And like Carrying off the scent They're like going off In a big flock Oh cool Carrying off in different directions All these different birds From leaves around the thing And little People's laughs and stories Or like Somebody smoking a pipe And it goes up in the shape Of like some crows And it goes off And they're spreading the scent Off in a certain direction Someone farts And it I'll see it Yes Yes Someone farts And it comes out As like a frog It's like It starts like Hopping away Grabs a bunch of smells And starts hopping away I'll get this Where it needs to go buddy What the hell was that?

That is the effect I desire coming to pass Yeah that's It's true So you do not retain Okay so the nature's price That you pay is You know Some bats and birds Swoop down Taking these scents away But a few like Really Become attached to you And start kind of Swirling around you Suffusing you With this powerful scent Of delicious food Which means you might End up being a bit of a Focused target Okay When the whole thing Horde does show up Also a target For the halflings too Yeah Delicious Hey what are you doing?

And you do not retain control In the way that You like direct them Towards where the compass Is going But they go all over They scatter to the To the winds And uh You're thinking Okay well if we're just Trying to get Razortusk And his pigs here We might be getting All of the pigs here Oh no Yeah And it will make it Tougher to tell When danger is actually Approaching Why do we even use this move?

Because it's really powerful So Wild Bill kind of Kicks his feet up on the table He's got a little pipe In his hand He's patting his belly Like a grandpa At a Christmas dinner That will be asleep In 20 minutes Cool Right when the pigs show up Yeah Our job is done Now all that we can do Is wait What if his eyebrows Is on fire?

The other one is like Dipping down Like across his face I can't feel or know Anything about them Because they're not Actually attached to him Yeah Trying to get the eyebrow Back up to where It's supposed to be This is what I hate the most You know The silence Before the storm I hear you So yeah He's lit his little pipe And you can smell The very notable scent Of halfling pipe leaf And he just starts Puffing away Are you getting high?

At my age That doesn't really Happen anymore You smoke enough Of this stuff It's not It's kind of impossible Being sober Is kind of like Being high for me now I'm just aware Of too many things When I'm sober You know It's overwhelming My first name Is wild Oh he's definitely Getting high He is Balasted right now He goes Wild Wild You ever thought About how that Sound feels Wild Wild Thought about How that word Feels like Feels in your mouth Is that a word?

Who puts L's Before D's Yeah so this is Your opportunity To just kind of Chat with Bill Ask around And like get to know Some of the other halflings Vink's talking to One of the halflings That's helping him On the lazy Susan Yeah He's been like Just showed up And been like a right hand Person who's been A really good help Yeah His name is Armin Armin Oh nice Is there any Halfling river Legends that you know of? Hmm Who knows the river Best around here?

Okay Roll a Spout Lore With this Determining what Armin knows I'd like to use Druidic lore Oh I want to consult The trove of Ancient knowledge Within me To examine the Events of the world Roll plus wisdom On a hit GM will ask you A question about The subject Whatever you say Is true Seven to nine The GM will introduce Complicating or Contradictory information Okay Does that make sense To use it here? Yeah Armin What do you know About the trove Of druidic knowledge Inside of you? Inside of me?

Yeah I also like the idea That halflings are Insular and they're Really good at parables Like they have Wonderful stories But he's using His ideas of Druidic lore To understand His stories In a bigger context Oh yeah Totally Great So it's what 2d6 plus wisdom?

Plus wisdom Okay Ooh I got nine Oh boy So what we know Is that the river Goes It courses down And then dips Into the everwood itself Uh huh And then comes back out And goes around And it's usually like The in and out Of the everwood Which is where things Disappear and reappear Right There's like an Underwater passage It gets sucked Underground Maybe Armin has a story Of yeah like There are Oh you know there Whatcha Oh yeah you know there I'm Armin I'm working out a voice Yeah he's a little younger I just I just graduated From halfling high school Whoa You went to halfling high?

Yep I got a three point One GPA That's Gross pumpkin average That's really good That's a really good GPA Thank you I was able to grow Three point one Full sized pumpkins By the end of term Thank you That's the whole High school That's the whole How many Successful pumpkins You can grow Oh you spent You did the pumpkin stream Cool cool I was wheat Oh Well you know It's hard Wheat's hard to measure It is Yeah It's a yeah What are you gonna do With that you know Okay Hey now Hey now Armin All right I come from a pumpkin family Yeah But you know Without wheat You wouldn't have pumpkin bread So And without pumpkin You wouldn't have wheat bread You're so You're so right We all gotta work together That's really what the Everyone would value That's what you got And he puts his hands out On all of you That's what you guys Have really taught us here And there's three of you So he's moving his hands around To make sure he's touching Each of you Nice Very considerate But anyway You know Things wash up In the In the Wittershins And the sun wise Things appear in the water From far away Or long ago Or sometimes People say Far ahead Whoa Does anyone In town Keep these things Anywhere What I mean I've heard things Like what There's a Old Halfling woman That lives out Near the Everwood Some say She trolls The river Collecting things That wash up In its waters Some say That She went through The waters herself Whoa Whoa That's what I'm asking about That's a creepy thing What's her name?

Well I mean I don't know her Her birth name She's She's pretty She's up there But everybody just calls her Nana Oh Oh She might have Cool shit we can see Yeah Oh shit I mean if you had questions About the sun wise And the Wittershins She probably knows more Than anyone else in the valley Cool But that's you know Assuming that we Aren't all trampled To death by pigs In the next hour or two Yes of course There's a real like About to storm The beaches of Normandy Vibe to this feed Yeah It's like everybody Standing in those boats Yeah Like well Nice knowing you guys Some people are barfing If it's cause they had Too many potatoes Yeah exactly Okay Anything else you wanna ask?

Anyone else you wanna talk to? Oh I do have I do I wanted to talk to Wild Bill Okay yeah Is he Just sitting there Smoking his pipe His eyes are getting A little red Yeah Oh right He's getting high He's not getting high He's becoming high Because he's smoking it But he's not Doing it with the intention Of becoming high Right yeah okay He is high now This is what he's been He's high okay What's the problem?

That's what he's saying He's getting a little paranoid Okay I'm a little high Alright Do you think Razortusk Will know that I'm high? What is going on With you and Razortusk dude? Have you ever Okay are you Are you How familiar are you? How experienced are you With intelligent animals? Uh The tuck looks at Ving Ving is looking Ving glances at Billy Uh huh Then Billy looks around Like what?

A dove Gets its throat sliced And falls into the fire Oh my god Another one For my notch belt The crow is saying this To Jack Wick Did you see that Jack?

I didn't even feel anything That time Jesus Jack's like Oh my god Oh my god This is gonna become a problem And uh Bill says If you're hunting an animal That's one thing It's you versus the animal No communication No understanding You In pure survival mode But when you got an intelligent animal That you can communicate with In some way That's basically another person So we've got kind of a rapport That makes sense I had a rapport once Yeah I bet Wait no He's tucking high?

Yeah He's getting a contact high Oh yeah All the smoke is being blown at him Yeah Cause all these flies Yeah and Cause Ving's got all these Wind bats around Right yeah Now they're taking Weed smoke places Yeah Oh my god Oh we're all getting hot We're all getting Cause every time All the halflings are like Ving's just a walking hot box Sick Every time Wild Bill like Ashes his pipe Which is quite frequently He does it into the thing That's making the smoke Right yeah And all the bats fly away Oh shit Yeah I've got I have rapport Yeah I had rapport with the Dragon He's my best friend Whoa What?

Dragon would have fit on that boat So good Oh here we go again Dragon was so Was definitely The size that you could fit on the boat All I'm saying I'll never forget You know if I had to think about I'll never ever forget What are we talking about? Token staring into the fire He's getting so If I had to think about it I'd think there are Several things to consider With a dragon on a boat One They're pretty heavy right?

And I know that boats Carry heavy stuff Boats carry heavy stuff People on the discord Did the math on this So what? You put the dragon On the top deck And then the whole boat Is top heavy And the second that boat Turns the whole thing capsizes How much of the keel You think is in the water dude? The clear water is in the water The clear water is a huge boat How you getting that dragon Below decks though? It can be above deck Have you ever seen a super tanker?

I don't buy it Wild Bill and Abdul Stop fighting That's what I like about you man You're willing to think about things That's what I like about all three of you Billy I used to be terrified of you When I was a kid Likewise Wild Bill nods and like We flash back to them When Wild Bill was a child And Billy was also a child Oh yeah Oh my god that's true And Wild Bill's just like Got a handful of blackberries And a full mustache And a full handlebar mustache And Billy's hiding in the bushes Like trying to stay still But he's getting so cut up By the blackberry thorns And Bill like Throws a blackberry towards Billy And Billy jumps back Like a dog Like a dog And Bill jumps back And runs away But then Billy comes Crawling out like a dog And takes the blackberry And has like the little tears In his eyes Cause he's like Wow he's so kind Aww And Bill is just Just running away Dust kicking up behind him And then Billy Follows his tracks Like a dog Yeah like a dog And hangs around his house Like a dog Like a dog And he'll peer into the windows At night Like a dog Sometimes And I think we see Like we see Bill at night Coming out with like A little cup of milk And he like puts it On the windowsill And Billy crawls over Yeah And then like And gets really drunk And passes out Oh my god Sorry It's like NyQuil for Billy Right I went old school folklore With it Probably not milk But yeah I guess Yeah there's a We see some images Of like this relationship That Bill had with Billy Like this sort of Old school folklore relationship Where he would like Leave offerings for Billy Whoa cool Yeah And Billy's this like Little grumbly Dirtbag baby boy Yeah And Bill got like Older and older And Billy stayed the same age But he kept leaving things For Billy Yeah It sounds like you were Like full feral At that point Like subverbal almost Yeah Yeah And then like Just even the kindness of Bill Like kind of brought you There would be things That would happen Where Billy would be Like exiled for Long periods of time But he would like You know hang around Yeah And Bill just like Looks at Billy You guys can see Bill is looking at Billy Like very affectionately Oh yeah Like an old dog That came back Yeah exactly Years and years Yeah Yeah It kind of makes sense That wild Bill Is like this like Almost living legend Then Because it's like Billy's been like Trading with him So he's been becoming Like more capable Like he has a bunch of Fairy blessings on him Totally That's true Yeah He's got a lot of luck On his side Yeah Totally Yeah Which is why he can like Traverse so far And do all these weird things And come back unscathed Yeah!

He's like a little Fae in a way Yeah Like stepfae Yeah And Billy is Absolutely blasted Right now It does not take much And he's being like We all have secrets Wild Bill We all do have secrets Billy More secrets That some of us Even know Sometimes I don't even Know my own secrets Sometimes I don't even Know my own self Yeah Billy What are your secrets Oh He's a secret man Oh Oh Oh every dad oh yeah oh yeah yeah every christmas there's a grandfather that falls asleep in an armchair and then wakes up says I was watching my dad would fall asleep he'd close his eyes on the couch snore snore but like be listening to the news how so then you change to be like I'm listening to that yeah creepy this is bullshit dad we only have one tv it's 1998 dad we're fucking poor do you want me to go read I did I read a lot yeah all right what question do you want to ask uh I think I wanted to ask if he knew about mother never was just straight up yeah and uh he goes we're uh we're heading to the to the war down and down in high spear wow war down in high spear huh them them long shanks they're always getting in fights they can't work together you yeah we I think we might have to go through the gray marsh oh where mother never was is where where mother never was is isn't that what she like lives in there I mean if you believe that do you not I've come to learn in my old age I had a lot of things that people say and believe are based on fear and speculation okay maybe the marshes do change people but maybe it's the experience of the marsh that changes someone and not a magical crone actually changing them you know or maybe there is if you had more that you wanted you'd have to make a roll I'll make a roll yeah I've had quite a lot of marijuana yeah but that's what he's asking for is for me to roll him a joint yeah you're gonna have to make a roll of some kind you know what I mean he ran out of weed is what happened he starts tapping the bottom of his pipe like yeah we're gonna have to make a roll so can I yeah roll a joint for him to get to get him to I think it's about it's still Spout Lore probably okay here we go td6 plus intelligence okay smoking a j nice okay here we go please please fucking god be a good roll well you rolled it into a pile of shit so you can't actually tell which one is five well this one is one and this one is four oh no and then I have a negative one that's three okay or four it's four four yeah what he kind of makes clear is that he doesn't necessarily believe in mother never was um because this isn't like a historic figure it is a myth right um or like a local legend yeah this is like you know there are lots of things about the everwood and the valley that I don't know about you I don't know about you I don't know about you I don't know about you but that I've seen and then I tell other people and they don't believe you know like this little gaffer here yeah lots of years I told people that there was a small immortal boy and billy's uh standing around whipping the sword around and it's making so many jingling sounds yeah and look at him he's large as life we can see him like you're kind of like in the middle distance and you're doing a kata basically yeah you're a whole star wars kid I trip over a pine cone oh jeez okay no he's got it but he gets the sword straight up in the air so he doesn't hurt himself I'm fine look at him he's fine it's a thumbs up yeah he's fine your mistakes are successes I've spent I'd say most of my life here in the everwood valley what parts of your life have you not spent here oh there was a brief time that I I went up north for a little bit I hit a panooja for a bit of my youth went to some music festivals did a bit of kissing I went to some music festivals I went to some music festivals I went to some music festivals did a bit of kissing kissed a couple folks that's so funny to me but you know turns out at the end of the day it's not for me anyway yeah they weren't razor tusk after all oh now hold on or marijuana I only got one life one love in this life and her name is mary jane her name is mary jane and I also have a couple of friends who are married to me and I also have a couple of friends who are married to me and it's complicated with razor I'm not I'm not addressing this again I'm not addressing the pig in the room people keep asking and I keep refusing to answer which I think is what's leading them to ask more the fact that people are asking it I'm giving a reasonable answer is what's making people be like he's hiding what's going on with him anyway you know when I think about it this world is big who's to say there isn't a magic lady out there that can give you all your dreams falls asleep with his eyes open eyes wide open making eye contact with tuck you're like he stopped you think he's about to say something we all lean in I wave my hand in front of his face nothing nothing vick takes the joint out of his mouth so he doesn't burn himself and then he's like I'm not going to do that I'm going to do it myself And then in the distance, you hear, Wee!

Wee! Whoa! Oh no! Jay! Wee! Big apocalypse! And then he starts ringing the bells. Ding, ding, ding. Everyone to their stations! He takes a bath of the weed and puts it in the dirt. Yeah. Yeah. He flicks the cherry off the end and puts it in his pocket. It's 2007. Such an uncle move. Does this one? It's Scott. And you hear Jack high above cackling. Oh, fuck! What do you do? We clear out all the people into the, whatever it's called, dodge.

Dodge kneels down in that really tall animal way where he goes one leg, one leg, second leg, second leg. Yes. And everybody piles on. And Vink shoves all the food that's not cooked already up his ass. Puts it back into his cornhole. Cornucopia. Yeah. Because it's important. They're going to need this in the following days. The cornhole puckers a little bit to hold everything in. Yes. Exactly. I hate this. Stop! Relax, buddy. No, he says, put it in my butt. Into me, he says. Inside me!

All like the woven like straw of the cornucopia. The rattan. Puckers up. Yeah. There's two pantry doors behind him. Creak! And he gets back up to his feet. This is all that is left of the wealth of the halfling lands lives in your butt now. I will take this honor seriously. What now shall I do? Escape to safety. Cross the Wittershins. They cannot make the journey. This shall be your final request.

From here on out, he a little like clack, clack, clack, clack, like hand emerges and he grips yours in a predator high five. I'm going to miss you. I shall miss you as well. Spirit Walker. Just know that your form may go, but your spirit remains tied to this land. You have done a very good thing for these people here. You have done a good thing for the spirits. It is the least I can do to repay your kindness and guidance. And then a third hand comes in. Because Chuck feels left out.

We're doing a thing here. And then Tuck, yeah, Tuck like grabs it and he's like, yeah, we are buddy. All three of us. We're all doing a thing. All good friends. Doing a thing. Let's get in here. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

So people don't get whipped off slowly but uh assuredly immediately heads for the river and the people the the innocent people of lone tree hill are safe leaving only those ready for battle there's just the crows I think and I guess a loose rubber cage full of spherical halfling guards oh yeah the guards let us out we can help yeah they actually do start saying we can fight we can fight you leave us to certain death upon each other's backs like this how do I know I can trust you though we have seen the error of our ways have you really yes the sense of a feast we could not partake in reminded us of the importance of community can I use deathless on them to like threaten them into not leaving yeah totally read deathless you know your end and this knowledge echoes through time your enemies can see death on you when you enter a fight knowing your death will not come rule plus wisdom on a hit your foes are dismayed and take plus one on going against them as written I think this would be more you like preparing for the fight at large and them seeing that and being like okay don't fuck with this guy we can't betray yeah he will kill us and he is immortal yes yeah okay so go ahead and roll it uh that's eight okay all right so on a seven to nine my enemies are dismayed and I take a hit on them and I'm going to go against them as written I think this would be more you can take a hit on them and I'm going to go against them as written yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes They are all getting everyone very high.

Everyone is blasted. Everyone's so high. And on the hill in front of you, across this muddy, muddy wasteland, pigs, hogs, mighty pork rise above the horizon. Worms at our feet are coming out of the ground. Oh, it's excited by the vibrations of the horde. Oh, cool. And then to your right, to your left, behind you, more pigs. Oh, shit. The smells went far and wide and the hogs of the hogpocalypse answered. Billy does the speech from Lord of the Rings before the fight. Which one's that?

An hour of pigs and shattered shields when the age of halflings comes crashing down. Yes! It is not this day. This day we fight. By all that you hold dear on this good earth, I bid you stand, crows of the halfling lands. By all the pies and the mashed potatoes. Tonight we feast. Tonight we feast. Tonight we feast in hell. It turns to 300. Holy shit. And they all start stomping their feet. Yeah. Banging their swords on their shields. Yeah. It turns into 300. We're in 300 now. Yeah. 300 mode.

300 mode. Oh, my God. Above you on the hillside, the pig ranks open and thundering into the center of the mass. A mighty hog. The last glimmers of the setting sun glint off armor, ancient and burnished. One tusk gone, fully shorn off his face. Razor Tusk. The war pig. General's guy. I'm not in there myself. Baba. The last of the bombs that I made shatters and it sings that song. It is Black Sabbath. Awesome. Oh, yeah. Turn it up, baby. Lumbering. Yeah. To the front of the horde. Oh, sick.

You can see all of the arcane runes carved into his. And as like the kind of the light disappears, you can see they're still glowing with arcane energy. Whoa. Like carved into his his armor. There's a drop. So keep going. Yeah. Keep describing stuff, guys. Yeah. The light emits from all the runes and it burns into Billy's eyes as he sees all the ancient words of his people. As he is, as the tusk is focused on where he is, he is focused on the tusk. It has called him home.

And it wants to be rejoined with his magic armor. Yeah. They start. He starts galloping slowly. Yeah. The pigs start ambling forward. And Tuck starts to Hulk run. Across the field. Tomo. And the halflings, the crows all cheer and charge forward. To pour. To pour. To pour. To pour. And I think that's where we're going to end it for this week. I've been your game master, Sean O'Hara. Joining me as always playing Tacoma Dome, the barbarian, Abdulaziz. So long, everybody.

Playing Ving, the half-elf druid, Paul Hoppers. Take care. Playing Fat Billy, the halfling thief, Jessica Tai. Goodbye. Thank you to all of you, our susporters out there, for susporting us on Patreon. Without you, this show simply would not be possible. We've made a bunch of big announcements recently. Oh, yeah. I think by this point you would have heard them. We record the episodes. Quite a ways ahead. By this point, I think it's been- At least two weeks in advance. At least two weeks.

At least two weeks. But by this point, you've probably heard. Yeah. So you know that we've got a lot of stuff coming up. We've got Mall Brats coming out every two weeks on Fable and Folly, which we are now a part of, I realize. Yes, so exciting. It's all in the announcement. You can listen to that. We don't have to recount it all here. Go back and listen to the announcement. I think it's important. Not everybody wants to go listen to an announcement.

We really need you to listen to those announcements. Really bad. Really bad. We have to. Paul, you got to listen. I thought we were making our own network. We, yeah, so- What am I going to do with all these posters? This pair of underwear I made, that's the shape of our podcast. The shape of what aspect of it? You answer your own question. Oh, the aspect. So go check that out. We've got a lot of stuff coming up this year, especially this summer. So we're very excited.

You'll hear about our brand new show. The one coming after Spout Lore. Yeah. That's very exciting. Pretty big. So just go and check us out on Patreon. This support is huge and means so much to us. It means that one day, hopefully soon, we'll be able to do this full time. Because something that we reiterate in the announcement that I think is very important to know is for the entirety of the show, we've all been working full time jobs. At least full time. At least full time. At least full time.

Sometimes multiple full time jobs. A lot of the times I work 60 hours a week. At my normal job. Yeah. Yeah. Jessica has a cocaine habit that we have not talked about. It's very expensive. And we're all contributing to it. So if you also could contribute to it. Enable us to enable her. Legally and truthfully, that is not real. We are enablers. That's true. The only habit. I'm joking. Jess doesn't have a cocaine habit. Obvious. No, it's obviously Abdul. Obviously it's Abdul.

Yeah, it's obviously Abdul. Obviously. He's the one who doesn't sleep and doesn't eat. Who hates sleep and looks good. Yeah. To which he's going to use all the stories. Clear skin. Yeah. Cocaine sounds great according to you guys. Yeah, it does. Doesn't it? I don't actually know which one it is. I think it's the one that goes up the notes. Yes. All right. So check out the announcement. Support us on Patreon.

Get access to a bunch of bonus stuff, including some game test sessions for systems that we're thinking of using. Yeah, for the next game. And thank you to Aaron Reed for our intro and outro music. You can find Aaron on bandcamp.com. And all of the music produced for the show on Spotify. Lots of places. Spotify, YouTube music, Apple music. It's everywhere. Yeah. And check us out on social media. We've been making a real push lately. So support us there. Follow, share all that stuff.

And most of all, thank you to all of you for listening. We'll see you next time. And so ends the tale of adventures three who tried the best they can. Though dumb and scared and lost they be. For times abreast in revelry. And though our journey may be like a conclusion. We will not leave you without a resolution. Return next week to hear some more. Whilst you commute or do your chores. And for you. I gladly spout no.