HUGE ANNOUNCEMENT – NEW SHOW, NEW NETWORK, AND AN ILLEGAL GAME!

Is it on yeah oh are we on now everyone oh okay thanks you're always so intensive but when we're live except for when it matters sorry there's a bunch there's a bunch of uh gifs in the chat of people angry that we are two minutes late so sorry we're always this much late yeah standard you know that by now uh hi everybody and welcome to this month's Spout Lore live stream I'm your game master Sean O'Hara joining me as always jessica ty hello paul hoppers hello and abdulaziz hello everybody my name is abdulaziz thank you for coming to my no he's turning us all down he's turning his microphone up no no no no no um we are gonna do some things today including making some announcements and uh queuing some inevitable a's from the announcements nope yeah that's a text form thank you yeah I'm just gonna move that off camera just imagine somebody zooming in stealing our identities enhance just enhance the entire social security number let's definitely pull it out again is that abdul's volson number on that piece of paper oh god yeah it's usually sits here and you can tell that he's having a hard time on the other side we're trying to leave you an abdul amount of room but it's not enough what the fuck you're a physically massive person that's not what I meant all right so here's what's going to happen today we're going to do some announcements we're going to answer some questions that you will probably have about the announcements then if we have time at the end we're going to play a quick session of my uh illegal unsanctioned and unasked for domino's pizza rpg 30 minutes or less so should we just jump into the announcements yes okay so we've talked about this for a while now we're going to talk about the announcements on the show and like on the discord but we're pretty sure that we've entered what is the final phase of the Spout Lore story uh and because we have such a passionate and supportive fan base that's you guys that's you guys there's been a lot of curiosity and speculation about where the main storyline is headed and what is kind of coming for the show well here's what I'll say I will preempt all of this by saying all of this is good news maybe it's all good news yes oh my god it does I am reading like uh I never thought I'd have to make a video like this and I just want to start by apologizing in our announcement pose no everything's chill everything's chilled so like sean said and like we've all felt for a really long time we are in very much the end game like the the pieces are on the board for like what the end of the narrative is probably gonna be yeah for these characters uh what I'm just I heard collective weeping I felt it I felt it we actually we did like a calendar sort of thing recently yeah and looked at where we think the show might end yeah abdul you probably remember more about the specific numbers so it was all estimates but like just given where we are now in the story and what we know is coming probably december 2025 kind of thing is like finale is ish where the finale of the Spout Lore story happens yeah and I I think that I think that that makes sense in like my storyteller brain and I think that that makes sense in like my story and I think that that makes sense in a lot of situations because a lot of times a lot of times a lot of times a lot of times imagine like arcs that we're playing because the thing is is that yeah it is fully improvised season finales appear before us surprised without us knowing that that is the end of the season oh man we get to like usually we're recording the next episode and we're like oh that was the finale that was the finale oh and that usually while we're recording I have a like there's like a scene always where I'm like this is probably the finale and then I look at the production calendar I'm like oh god we have to write a song so fast it's always so fast so much quicker than we expect uh but with all that in mind the fact that like we've got like about a year and a half probably of releasing episodes before the show is done uh it means that it's time for us to think about where the future is headed where the show is headed and where Spout Lore as a group goes from there well let's let's just go back one thing we didn't say is that while this narrative is ending oh in december 2025 ish we are going to continue to make like rpg shows shows together there is a plan for another show which we will get to we will get to at the end so don't don't freak out later the show is not ending forever ending the show forever just this story is like is naturally coming to a close it's it's easy when we get to this stuff where we're like making announcements to think about it from a business perspective but like the reality is is we all are still having a lot of fun playing games together and we want to keep doing that and as long as we want to keep doing it and you want to keep hearing it we're going to keep making the show yeah uh one thing that we need to do quite simply is grow our resources for the entire existence of Spout Lore we've been producing and releasing the show while all four of us have been working full-time jobs some of us more than one full-time job so that means that we don't get to do as much work for the podcast as we would like to simply because we don't have the time energy or bandwidth and we don't have the time and and we can't overstate how much this is sport that you have all given us got us to this point at all yeah I don't think the show would have lasted no no god no no why would it have burned out like out of hopelessness yeah yeah so thank you because if it wasn't for you guys we would have probably packed it in oh yeah like shortly after allison sure yeah I would know it was I would have deleted the podcast off the internet when you did not let me take black spire the boat argument would have been the end of all of our friendships how would you get him into a spot on the boat where the whole thing does it it's not oh my gosh yes it is you could pick him up like with a crane anything it's fantasy we had this fight on mike yesterday yeah we were primed for it uh we were primed we have a lot of prime in the in the studio right now and I I tasted it yesterday I think it maybe has gone bad actually what how does it go bad I know I'm go bad wait sean paul if you're listening how does your product go bad sean paul you mean logan paul yeah like I watch the internet so here so here's what we've we've done some math on the situation where our the support that we've received is incredible based on the actual costs of doing the show of fulfilling patreon rewards of paying rent and actually producing the show if our patreon were to reach seven thousand dollars a month that would mean that we could still produce and pay everything that we're doing and also one of us could go full time how would we decide that a roll of the die you'd have like a just a wrestling match call it right now four yeah I called number one okay oh sorry paul you have to wait so that means sean goes full time if we count from this direction yeah one two three what about you he's zero there's no zero on the die oh yeah watch this what wow that's a great it's gone it's a great looking for stop looking for uh yeah so paul's been escorted out of many casinos yeah and birthday parties uh so yeah that so seven thousand dollars is what we're is what we've looked at to get one of us full time that would be huge eventually we would love the idea of all of us being fully employed by the podcast but that would be the first step to making that a reality making sure that one of us can dedicate their entire working life and energy to producing the show in one fashion or another and we want to thank again all of you are incredible supporters for all the support you've given us over the last seven years we wouldn't have been able to do this show without your support and we're going to continue to produce the absolute best product that we can for you and we wouldn't want to do it yeah without the support of you guys and and your rabid dog approval energy rabid dog energy absolutely frothing at the mouth for that fantasy that actually does track yeah you are frothing at the mouth for what we make and it is the main reason that we want to keep doing it that's not making it is water to you huh if you are having rabies you don't like water I have a document that I'm reading from yeah we all have documents and you're jumping why are you looking at me while you're saying that you're jumping on all my rabies jokes they're all in the document and you're skipping ahead to the rabies jokes which are the the climax of my document paul what are you doing this doesn't unplug okay which brings us to our third announcement we're joining a network as of august we're going to be releasing the show under holy shit yeah what no oh my god our patreon is going down oh my god and now it's going up on the other end of the spectrum oh no but the people that we're getting are not good people no we should have not okay so for real we're joining the fable and folly network and as of august we're going to be releasing under fable and folly which is a great network with a ton of great shows all that really means for you as Spout Lore listeners is at the end of every episode after the theme song you'll hear a little sign off from fable and folly and a clip from one of the other shows on their network what it means for us is that listeners of other fable and folly shows are going to be hearing clips of our show I like the way that you put it that it's a collaboration of creatives yes yes that's why we said yes to fable and folly as a network is because they really support creators in a big way and we were like we're not going to put ads on the show and they were like that's totally fine yeah the show will remain ad free yeah we got to be clear about that the only thing that will change is after the theme song you will be able to watch the show change is after the theme song you will hear some additional stuff if you stick around after the closing theme after the closing thing at the end yeah and it's huge for us because that promotion is like a massive advantage yeah it'll be great for other other people to hear Spout Lore what Spout Lore is about yeah and also there's a bunch of great shows on fable oh yeah yeah like the crowd show dragons and dragons yeah oh really yeah oh that's fun I didn't know they were on there yeah yeah they've got a ton of amazing shows so this is a big step for us we've been fully independent this whole time and in a lot of ways we're still the show is still ours we retain ownership of the show totally we're just uh working together with them and they are helping us achieve some things that we wouldn't be able to otherwise including our next announcement as of august I'm nervous about this one do you want me to do it no I can do it okay I'm gonna do it no paul don't I don't paul didn't read anything before this he doesn't read I read marcus really says a meditation all right we're gonna my teacher andronicus the opening of marcus aurelius's meditations is miserable it's so boring it's a list of people he's like shout out to my teacher he was pretty sick shout out to my mom she made the best food and she loved me have you read lord of the rings born baguette flooring yeah that's true so the next announcement as of august we're going to be doing a lot of things we're going to be doing a lot of things we're going to be taking all of the old episodes of spout more Mall Brats and releasing them as a twice monthly show on fable and folly that's the big news Mall Brats is going to be uh publicly released twice monthly show on fable and folly we're going to be starting from episode one which means that the current patreon feed will always remain at least a year ahead of where the Mall Brats release on fable and folly is that's the important key thing here yeah we are only releasing things that are like very old like the first episodes of Mall Brats came out in 2019 so it's like they're they're really old and that feed will have ads on it and they'll be in world ad reads yes we're going to be doing a lot of rick's ropes yeah that's the other that's why this is great yeah so that's the thing with the fable and folly release there's going to be ad reads by us in in character in universe I kind of like that yeah are you kidding me we get to go hey sherry's berries it's a rat guy here with me undies these rats are wearing these undies and they love them these rats love underwear batman the rat man sounds like that's true yeah uh and so and also Mall Brats is going to be fully scored by a composer uh and friend of the show taylor swindles so a full score is going to accompany all episodes from episode one on and we're going to have weird character ad reads which means that like even if you're a longtime Mall Brats fan it's going to be a new listening experience if you want to check it out can I just say one more thing about the Mall Brats release the Mall Brats release is another strategy to grow the spell yes that is that is a good preempt for what all the stuff I'm about to say is that this is a big opportunity for us um because like when a new show releases it gets kind of tracked by like all of the apple podcasts spotify podcasts to see like how it's charting and if it charts like if it seems like it's getting a bunch of downloads and a bunch of traction the podcatchers and the different platforms will like elevate it as well and get it in front of more people so it was it was sort of like a marketing strategy that we pitched to fable and folly to be like hey do you what do you think of like this as a strategy for maybe pulling in new listeners to your network and like new listeners to our show and they were they were down to try it as an experiment which is cool so that means that our main ask for you all of you our dearest supporters and the listeners that are maybe hearing this on the main feed right now because we're going to release this audio and we're going to be doing a lot of stuff on the main feed right now so we're going to be doing a lot of stuff on the main feed right now because we're going to release this audio and we're going to be doing a lot of stuff on the main feed right now so we're going to be doing a lot of stuff after uh is that when this show comes out when the first episode of Mall Brats on fable and folly drops on august 26th yeah just go fucking nuts on it go ape shit listen review download tell your friends post about it on social media five stars or more because if we can five stars or more or else because yeah the more activity there is on the new episodes the more possibility there is of us getting on like charts for like top new podcasts and that would be huge for us yeah um oprah winfrey oprah winfrey what oprah winfrey told me oh god she thinks it's cool that we're doing great thanks so with all of this stuff coming up uh this could be a huge bump for us if you want to help the show there are a few ways patreon obviously is a huge help and an incredible gift that all of you give to us uh we're going to be doing a lot of stuff on the main feed right now so we're going to be doing equally as important so tell your friends post about it on social media we're also on like tiktok and youtube shorts and stuff now you might have seen that yeah so I mean jessica I made an amazing animatic for the uh opening theme that's on our tiktok and youtube and on our social media go check that out share that stuff in terms of telling people to check out the show I personally know that every piece of media I've ever consumed or enjoyed was recommended to me by somebody that I respect you know what I mean so like yeah tell people find someone that respects you and tell them and if they don't respect you tell them to kick rocks so in the first week of the Mall Brats release we'll be releasing episodes every day so these are going to be the new fully scored episodes the thing that will help the most is if you download every single one of those episodes multiple times on different ip addresses code a bot to download so many episodes go to the library download onto the library computers according to the iab standards you have to get minimum 60 seconds of listening so make sure that the bot you program if you want to commit fraud to make this happen don't commit fraud don't commit fraud whatever you do don't commit but we will be releasing episodes every day that week so you'll get a ton of new episodes newly scored newly remastered old Mall Brats episodes and then the reviews and the downloads are going to be the things that help that initiative the most so that's what's got that's going to look like so I'm going to leave that to you guys I'll see you in the next episode we were like oh man I don't know we were we kept saying no because we didn't want to put ads on the yeah and then we still don't and they were like but you can make this much money and we were like we don't sound nice but we don't know ads no only honor only honor yeah that is the honor is the most important thing to spell lord yeah okay we want to tell you what's coming up we've been talking about it a lot we've mentioned it here on stream as a potential idea but we're ready to say that this is what we're doing our next show which we're very excited about which will happen after spelt lord after spelt lord concludes concludes is going to be up all night it's a show about monster hunting teenagers in small town british columbia in the late 90s think of like buffy the vampire slayer if it rained all the time the soundtrack was primarily blink 182 and all the milk was in bags baby uh this is what we're really excited the funny thing is is that we've settled on the game idea the setting the setting and sort of the character and the vibe yeah but we haven't settled on the system at all no not yet we got so excited by the idea that we didn't get far enough to figure out how we were going to play it so starting later this year we're going to be recording and releasing a number of patreon exclusive episodes featuring systems we've never played on mic before uh to see what the game that we have the most fun with is and it's a game that you all want to hear the most we want to know what you think uh and we want to be ready for what you want to play and I think we're going to start recording episodes of up all night before yes Spout Lore is done oh yeah well in advance so that's the thing that you also as patrons will get is when we start recording up all night before Spout Lore is complete so kind of over the the 2025 fiscal year we think about fiscal years now all right my sin uh oh yeah social insurance number so coming in the next uh I mean the summer is busy we've got the Mall Brats thing but like within the next I'd say six months we're going to record some patreons exclusive uh episodes where we will be playing different systems not in the up all night world or with the up all night characters because we don't kind of want to like over need the dough in the run-up it's it's honestly been so hard not to over need the dough we make a lot of jokes about uh about up all night because we are very much still the kids that we were in early high school yeah there was there was a day where we were remembering bonsai buddy I was just like this is an up all night episode it's just like the thing that I did at parties when I was in high school was I would go and be like where's your dad's computer and then I would download bonsai buddy and ruin their computer with malware just house to house party to party installing bonsai buddy uh we know the transitions are hard and these kinds of things I've I'm a fan of rpg podcasts and I know that the transition from one campaign to the next is really tough uh we're more attached to these characters and to this story than some of our own real family members um oh that was the other thing I I thought you might want to change no I said it for real I said it and it's true live editing as the announcement is oh yeah you should have taken that part out as I say it just like in a radio ad oh yeah I meant to tell you not just it's live I meant to tell you not to say that uh but we imagine that I feel like we're not gonna get any ad requests because this is the kind of shit we're gonna deliver I mean well you know we'll be professional about it uh and we imagine that you're just a little bit more of a fan of rpg podcasts and I'm attached so that's why we're gonna start releasing on patreon episodes of up all night before Spout Lore ends not to like undercut the finale of Spout Lore but to give you the opportunity to sort of take to those new waters and again it's an improv show things can shift yeah but somewhere over the course of like mid 2025 they can start expecting to see like this is what up all night is gonna look like um and that will be coming out in the patreon for all menders and above and that is just so that you are supporters and everyone who has supported the show for so long you know what's coming like shun said transitions are hard and this will like give you a heads up well in advance of what we're bringing down the line uh so that's everything I think this is going to be a big summer for us in a lot of ways so check out all the different levels on patreon check us out on social media and when Mall Brats comes out just hammer those reviews listens like and subscribe I guess is what I'm trying to say uh because that's really going to help us uh okay should we start answering some questions yeah uh question will you have will you continue to have full creative reign over what happens in the shows slash how the shows are run like are there going to be creative execs influencing the material is put out so 100 we have absolutely not full creative control no that is the way that this network relationship works and it's the only reason we opted in for this show so I'm gonna be asking you a question what is the reason you opted into it is because we are absolute shit dicks who refuse to and shit pussies no I like it because I feel included yeah there's there's I don't think I I mean I I think I can speak for all of us when I say there is no situation in which we would have entered into a business agreement that took away our creative control oh yeah were they tell us what to do no it's a name working name only and in other ways yeah okay right it's going to be the exact same show moving forward the only difference is going to be the fable and folly stinger at the end and then you get to hear a trailer for another cool show that you might like yeah who knows what you'll find from that and then in return we get our trailer will run on other shows as well drama llama uh does this mean you finally sold out to the gods of ad and money for the record I support this will you be receiving extra money due to the ads to help support the show yes we will yes we will on Mall Brats on Mall Brats only no not unspelt work those ads will directly financially benefit the show which is also huge for us because that's a that's a full new revenue stream uh what's abdul said sorry if somebody already asked prayer hands emoji hold on 9-1-2 stop it stop it no no no no no seven seven seven seven seven you uh thanks for checking it out canadian sins are all mostly in wingdings so we'd have to show you it's a visual thing show you that would be hilarious really hard to type it in airplane surprise face pizza slice oh this is an interesting line colon will there be the possibility to buy the Spout Lore pod as a download other podcasts are selling their finished storylines which I love because I can then for sure relisten to it at any time oh that's cool yes I like that idea a lot who has that uh boss penguin boss penguin thank you for I didn't know that that existed that's awesome we could put it in a puffy case like multiple disc thing that you get oh yeah we could send it to you like on mini discs with a mini disc player that's what they meant for sure that's for sure what they meant we'll put it on tape oh yeah it said you're a walkman yeah I do have I've been stockpiling walkman what you!

Have it we have to have to try I'm sure you can all understand you have seen the metrics you've seen the shows out there D&D 5e is one we're gonna try We'll see How it goes Sean hates it All of the problems that you have with it out there listeners I have too But we've looked at the numbers and we've gotta try it We're not gonna try it It will just be a playtest And then we'll see how we all feel about it Exactly these are like potential playtest releases And I think that all of you can agree It would be hilarious To make these three play D&D 5e There's numbers and letters In the name of It's already so complicated It's already so complicated Even just there being a 5 in the name of the system There's a D and then another D For some reason Capital 5 lowercase e Why is it lowercase?

Why is it math already?

I think we're for sure gonna do like Monsters of the Week Try that out Kids on Bikes We're gonna try Tales from the Loop Or Thieves of the Loop Things from the Flood We're gonna try And I mean there's one that's by Oh yeah We're gonna try Bump in the Dark So if you're out there Jax Your game looks really cool And I think it might fit so we're gonna try it And we're at the very least gonna be releasing a playtest episode Of us trying it out because I really like it I think we can reveal a little bit about Up All Night A little bit yeah Like in tone and vibe it will be Sort of like Buffy But with the vibe of like the kids that we actually Were in high school Where Buffy was like Look at these hot 22 year olds Pretending to be high school students We're gonna be actual high school students Pretending to be hot 22 year olds Hey uh Can we get into this club please?

Sweating so much We think there's a vampire in there So many We're gonna have so many episodes of us at Blockbuster Trying to pick out DVDs Hours But having to shit Because every time I went to Blockbuster I had to shit for some reason So then I was like I'm gonna have to shit for some reason I'm watching The English Patient again There was one episode idea we had The premise was We go to Blockbuster We get a DVD And we're walking back to one of our houses And one of us suggests Cutting through the ravine As a shortcut And then we're just stuck in the ravine We can't talk about episode Like ideas That's fun though That's fun That's fun You gotta give people treats So it's that kind of stuff Fun treats If you grew up in a small town You know what living in a small town is like It's that But also if you had to worry about like The whole thing The mothman stealing your lunch Yeah or Or the Bigfoot in the woods Stealing the dumpster behind the grocery store Cause he loves grapes It's also like A way I've described it is like Kind of Buffy meets home movies If people have watched home movies Cause it's like We are kind of just taking the sticky kid characters That we play in Mall Brats And not the exact same characters But the same vibe And trying to Translate them to high school In the real world Exactly Because that was just all of us I'm so sorry So many questions I'm so sorry I'm so sorry if I missed the questions In the YouTube chat I'm trying to Trying to cut through But I can't really find any That haven't been answered at least 30 minutes or less Okay Oh someone asks Now that we are becoming part of a network Will there maybe be some cooperation Between you and other creators Like a Spout Lore slash crit show crossover episode Oh yeah There's a lot of people There's a lot of people That is coming out this summer Do we know about that?

Yeah That was such a specific That was such a specific question We recorded it last year Two years ago Two years ago It was two years ago That's funny Was that a planted question? That was a planted question That must have been We've talked about it Who asked?

That was Drama Llama Okay Well I've got good news for you Drama Llama The exact thing You asked for Is coming out Rarely can we deliver this accurately Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Wow This is a wild episode It's really funny Yeah Yeah Kind of chaotic It's chaotic but it's hilarious Someone said Spout Lore live shows Oh And that is a thing that we are actively working towards We did We did go on a little study trip Yeah To see what that would be about Yeah We went We saw the Glass Cannon live Saw how they did it It was helpful It was helpful to see how they did it Yeah Yeah Absolutely And they have like a very professional Kind of like They know how to put on a live show So that was really useful to see It was really cool And also this year I'm going to Gen Con In Indianapolis Oh yeah So jealous Yeah If you live nearby To see how it is And then I've ended up getting rolled into The Crit Show's live show Their Taskmaster show I guess this is the first time We're announcing this What?

This is an announcement to us Well But you were busy You were doing wedding stuff Yeah we were It was We did talk about it In a couple of meetings Okay I'm so sorry Paul I said pause all meetings But yeah I'll be at Gen Con That's so cool Oh yeah I'm guessing on their Their Taskmaster show Where I think I am the Taskmaster Hell yeah Which is sick That's so great That's a perfect role for you I know Because I'm a psycho Yes It's perfect And then I think I'm doing a panel with Rev And then I've just found out that Our friends at Blackwater D&D Are also going to be there And they want me to do A one shot show That they're doing there Awesome That's great Okay we're at We're at noon now Don't forget to bring up Spellore Okay Shoehorn it in Wherever you can Yeah just Just put it in everywhere Alright my character's name For this one shot Is spellore.com Slash money please Yeah nice This is my familiar Money please Do we want to Try and answer A couple more questions Or do we want to Let's do like Three more questions Yeah Let's do some more questions Can we get Abdul Sin On the vinyl Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes!

Can we get Abdul to sin on the, on the vinyl? We can't stop him. Literally. We can't stop him if we wanted to. Like, yeah, it's like a Hulk thing where I'm like, Hey, you know the secret about me? I'm always sinning. Then I think with that, we'll, we'll put things, we'll put the Q and a to rest. Really? You don't want to answer this question about whether David Boreans is going to be on up all night. David Boreans. He played angel in Buffy and angel. I think he might be low key. All right now.

Oh, I did. I might be wrong about that. So many, you know, he's going to be on the show. Now that we're part of the Fox network. Fox. Fox. Fox. All right. Then we're going to put the, we're going to put that to a rest. Thank you so much for joining us for the Q and a portion. Clap, clap, clap announcements. Exciting times. Coming. Thanks guys for being here for our big announcements. Yeah. And now thanks for being here for what we're about to do next. Uh, unless do we, do we want to do this?

Do we have time? I do. Yeah, please. A hundred percent. Okay. Yeah. Please. Can we have fun? If you want to stick around for our game, please do it. You can watch it later. Yeah. Sean made a very illegal game. Yeah. It is against the law for this game to exist. And also the trailer that Ryan made for it is hilarious. Yeah. And even more illegal. Even more. Cause the logo's in there now. Full on have the logo in it. And I love that. Yeah.

Uh, we've got, we've got some, we got a lot of new people in the stream today, actually. So I will. Oh yeah. So I will fully, I guess, announce the game again. Yeah. Yeah. So we're going to be playing 30 minutes or less. The unofficial unsanctioned Domino's pizza, TTRPG, uh, the year 2069, the place somewhere in the fallen States of America, the pizza Domino's.

You are pizza delivery drivers tasked with moving hot, delicious, and affordable pizza made by the fine people at the Domino's pizza corporation from their world-class industrial ovens to hungry and highly valued customers around the world. But it won't be that easy in this sick and twisted reality. Any number of starving freaks want those tasty pies. And you have to make sure that they don't get them. So this is a game in which you play pizza delivery drivers in the dystopic future of 2069.

Oh, nice. Yeah, baby. Fuck. Yeah. We, are we playing, are we playing new characters? Yeah. Yeah. The whole thing. Okay. So first choose your job title. There's a driver, a gunner, and a mechanic. Who's going to be what? I'll be the gunner this time. Okay. I'll be the driver. I'll be the mechanic. Yeah. Wait, were you mechanic last time? No, I was driver. You were mechanic. Perfect. You guys swapped. Perfect. Okay. Okay. So starting with the first person that talked, Paul, who's your character?

His name is a dough ball, Dave. And he got that name as a kid. Cause he was always eating the raw dough. He's grew up in the dominoes. He's like a little, he's like a, a corporate kid. Oh, yeah. Cool. So they, everybody outside the family calls him dough ball, Dave. Yeah. He's like a little kid. He's like a real rich kid. He's always getting sunburns when he goes outside. Whoa. Cause I was, the ozone layer doesn't exist anymore from all the pizza smoke. Yeah, exactly.

All the Freon from the pizza refrigerators destroyed the ozone layer. Yeah. Uh, except for dominoes. Cause they've covered their thing in foil to reject the ozone. Oh yeah. Abdul, tell me about your mechanic. I'm Hunter Biden. Oh, come on. That's a real person. Isn't it? That's Joe Biden's son. Hunter S. Biden. He just got convicted. I'm Hunter Biden. Oh, did he? Did he get convicted of a crime recently? Oh, was he? I don't know. A petty crime probably. But I'll, I won't be Hunter Biden. Okay.

I'll be Barack Obama. No. Barack Obama. Barack Obama. Barack Obama. Okay. Who are you? Can I be Barack Obama? I mean, you can be Barack Obama if you want. Is that okay with you guys? I mean, I don't really care who you think. So Barack, we're getting some answers here. That's not okay. So what, so Barack Obama is alive in 2020. He's what? Is it his namesake or is it the, the former president, Barack Obama? Uh, it is, uh, worked up. Uh, it's, yeah, it's his brain in a, in a cyborg. Okay.

So it's a robot with the brain of Barack Obama. Yeah. You have a follow up question. Is this his physical brain or is his intelligence and experiences downloaded into the robot? It's his physical brain. It's bubbling in a stew of marinara sauce. Also, it's a Domino's pizza droid. Yeah. But it's powered by Barack Obama's brain. Yeah. My former president, Barack Obama. Okay, great. Jessica. Um, I don't know. I, my name is Remy Remington. I am a sentient dog. I am my sister's sentient dog.

You are your sister's sentient dog. In the future. And Remy drives the car. Remy drives the car. Okay. Cool. There's a lot of shots of like that 90s thing. We're two like fake dog paws. Yeah. Close up. Nice. Nice. Do stuff. Do stuff. Do stuff. I like it. We come out of the pizza, but the corporation and you're leaning up against the car swirling. It's like, who wants to go for a car ride? You've got a walk, man. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've got it all.

So the car, you drive an armored, armed and heavily modified 1979 Bobcat Villager station wagon, a relic of the old days and one of the toughest cars available. Could somebody put a picture of that in the stream, please? Yeah. Just in the chat. Uh, with all the pizza, room you need and seats for everyone. So you get to choose an upgrade to get your career started.

The choices are laser beam, headlights, reinforced wood paneling, a jury rig backup oven, a car phone, a ball turret and a PR and prototype nano dough. What do you guys want again? Laser beam headlights. Yeah. That one would be sweet. So once per delivery, you can completely obliterate a navigational obstacle with your laser beam headlights. So which ones do you guys want? I'll take the gun turret. Okay. Yep. So now the, the Bobcat Villager has a, a bubble turret on the top. Oh, cool.

That the gunner can sit in. Uh, the gunner can sacrifice a slice of pizza to turn a failure into a partial success with the turret. Cool. Yeah. Uh, Abdul or sorry, uh, Mr. President, former Mr. President, former Miss ex-president Barack Obama, five E. Thank you. Uh, Oh, I forgot. We're going to do impression. You guys don't have to do it. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. It started off sounding like LMS. So I'm interested to see where it goes.

Hey there. My name is Barack Obama. Interesting. All right. There's a technician working on Barack Obama's cyborg body. And he's like the vocal, the vocal chip is fucked. I don't know. He sounds like a cowboy. We got to get this pizza out on time. That's kid. Do you want to be Barack Obama? I don't. If I wanted to be Barack Obama, I would have been.

My fellow delivery drivers you guys all have a better Barack maybe sorry man can you do it one more time my fellow delivery drivers we gotta get this pizza out on time okay I have a cyborg body great it's pretty good he doesn't have a southern accent I don't know why I kind of give him one too he does he's from America they're all southern alright wait what were the other options for upgrades reinforced wood paneling a car phone and prototype nano dough I would like a car phone thank you this is as a former president of these fallen states I can still call in airstrikes the car phone is once per delivery you can call in a pizza strike from domino's headquarters you get artillery support from domino's headquarters okay so we've got laser beam headlights a ball turret and the car phone this one is souped up this one's armed to the teeth okay so every delivery must be completed within 30 real life minutes like literally get a stopwatch and set it to 30 minutes I will put an alarm okay so the way the game is played is whenever you try and overcome an obstacle or challenge you could reasonably fail you're gonna roll 1d4 because it kind of looks like pizza 1 is a slice loser 2 to 3 you just scrape by and 4 is an incredible success you get a slice back somehow yep the d4 you can have a little sip if you want no it's caffeinated I can't have it very proud of you for turning that down thank you because I know you know it's a vanilla latte oh no she didn't know no Jessica don't do that yes literally 25 minutes ago you were like I'm really overwhelmed I know I have problems okay so there are four legs to each delivery and I'm gonna be rolling d8 I guess isn't that this one's metal and sharp and also I couldn't get that far there you go pal okay so domino's pizza headquarters uh we really need a theme song for this ba da ba ba ba I'm domino's no uh original music uh is allowed to be made at this time no absolutely not only copyrighted not in the year 2069 all music is just corporate jingles as close as we have IP yeah we see the domino's pizza headquarters the tower rises into the sky blue red reflecting on the shattered atmosphere full of pizza smoke from the industrial and the industrial ovens that stretch into the distance inside the launch bay of the domino's delivery tower uh the bobcat villager does this one have a name kathy just kath last one was the all of the lyrics to black betty and this one is just the word kathy kathy black betty is so fun though we see black betty off in the distance uh being tuned up after her last journey whoa black betty bambaloo whoa black betty bambalam you guess me hi bambalam uh getting yeah getting tuned up after its last delivery uh missing most of its paneling a smoking crater where the engine once was yeah it's like the scrambling of the rebels before they launch things exactly putting hoses and the dampers are blown it's got that clan it's got that klaxon sound like when a delivery comes in that like wow oh yeah totally the pilots approach so the crew is approaching kathy let's what's the image of kathy getting ready for a delivery slow walking yeah yeah I'm on a leash whoa yeah you're pulling yeah I'm pulling yeah can't wait to drive I'm carrying my n uh sticker with me you're you don't have a full driver's license okay you're a learner you graduated at a learner's and the uh delivery received delivery received and the four pizza bearers enter in their hazmat suits perfectly sealed from the environment in which the pizza was created the metal box with the pizza meter on top uh showing each of the eight slices in place yeah it's a pie like in uh trivial pursuit exactly they're all filled in yeah green I'll I'll like full full up pizza slices nominal slotted into the back of the back hatch of the villager and they put the special tape on it yes somebody shows up they open a little case and they take out a little sticker we have to shield our eyes from the brightness of the case the mcguffin case it's attached over the the flap of the pizza box and it goes as it's attached yeah uh and the hatch closes and everybody loads into kathy the car again is pointed at an upwards 45 whatever this degree angle is the the sirens keep going off launch in three start the engine two one hands at ten and two oh you gotta hit the green button oh I I slam on the gas yeah and the technician to the side says hot and ready and hits a button then the door opens and you're launched into the another guy who who was new is still filling the gas tank and that like the whole thing jerks his arm off yeah jerk his arm off you're right paul all right and let's roll for the first location we've only got 30 minutes here people remember this is lights going through the tube to launch shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot like in uh only like the tunnels yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah uh okay so the first is the zoo oh sorry the last of earth's wildlife is sequestered in this zoo by walmart tm their flimsy cages are always being broken and there aren't enough zoo workers to always catch these creatures from escaping in time maybe you'll be fine but maybe a hungry chimpanzee or an aggressive seagull is waiting nearby ready to jump on that hot delicious pizza oh my gosh so you come firing out of the launch bay yeah and the car uh the retro thrusters align and you come screeching down into an active zoo just into the zoo we don't hit the highway yeah no walmart recently bought the land right outside this launch bay from dominoes and dominoes was like our drivers can handle it so you hit the ground and what what's the first thing we see in the zoo uh a cage full of uh ostriches ostriches yeah you smash the open the door off a cage of ostriches and you're like oh my god and 15 to 100 ostriches burst out of this cage and are now running alongside the car battering you as you drive they have laser eyes they do oh they have razor beaks yeah yeah laser eyes and razor beaks and they they they are used for military purposes yeah 100% all these animals are that's the only reason dominoes allowed walmart to build a zoo here is because they're raising all of these animals to protect their drivers but they're not quite there yet they still have that killer instinct amazing so you can see you can see that they're not there yet doball from from your ball turret yeah from your doball turret well I hit the button and I go outside of the car so I'm going a little running along with them jurassic park there's one of the ostriches that I have an established relationship with and we trust each other okay is there a mechanic for flashbacks okay there is now but every flashback you do takes time off the clock oh shit so you're trying to get the attention of the ostrich you have a previous name yeah his name is blue blue okay yeah all right go ahead and roll a d4 Okay, I want to find Blue and all those ostriches.

I got a two. Okay, so a two you just squeak by. The ostriches are like slamming into your ball turret on its little gimbal that sticks off the side of the car. And you do see Blue in the back. But the ostriches, it seems like they don't respect Blue right now. That's my Blue. It's hard to get respect in this crazy pizza world. As you were getting like hammered by ostriches that are bouncing off of the ball turret. Yeah, there's plumes everywhere. It's getting really hard to drive.

I'm running over civilians, which I guess is not a big deal in America. It's fine. It's totally fine. It's the fallen states of America. Yeah, Domino's is the only government that exists and they are fine with it. Yeah. So what do you do when you get the attention of Blue? I call him over to help him clear the way, get his friends to clear the way. Even though he's not respected, he is faster than all the rest of them. Yeah, he weaves through the ostriches and gets close to your ball.

Alter it and like lays his head against it. His iron razor sharp beak kind of tapping against the glass. I tap back. And the ostriches behind raise their beaks to the air and sniff deeply. They've definitely got the scent of that delicious pizza. And they start pecking into the back of the Bobcat village. You're trying to get through the hatch. What do you do? Can I take like dough and like spread it against all of the hinges and fixtures? So the back door. Can't open.

Yeah, you can definitely try. You can roll a D4. Smart. Then we turn up the heat and bake it on. Oh, yeah, totally. That's the heat. I don't really even have to because it's so hot outside because of climate change. It is. Yeah. But you open the window. Even more. Yeah, I open the window. And Barack Obama goes, I also have a flamethrower arm. He's just southern. He's just southern. I can't do a Barack Obama. The voice chip is fucked. Yeah. Here we go. And I also have a dough arm.

It shoots dough and the other one is a flamethrower. And he bakes the dough. Yeah. Yeah. It's the first station in the pizza oven. Three. Three. Okay. Yeah. So you start seeing the birds pecking at the hinges of the door and you spray your dough with one arm and then you bake it with the other. It'll hold for now, but the birds are pecking. The smell of cooked dough emboldens them only further. But as I spray it, I go, this, I have a dream. A dream. Yeah. That's your king. He just goes, hope.

Thank you. There it is. That's it. Hope. Hope. Hope. Hope. Okay. Remi, the pizza has been protected for the moment and it seems like Doughball is trying to charm or coerce one of the ostriches off to the right to help him, but you are slamming through a herd of ostriches. What do you do? Okay. Yeah. I have to turn on the laser beams. Okay. We're using- I'm going to cut my way through. Once per delivery. Use it. Use it. Oh, wait, sorry. So as the different classes, you have abilities. Oh, okay.

So as the driver, you can sacrifice a slice to pull off an insane driving trick. Like, you can eat a slice of pizza. And it gives you powers. It gives me powers? And you can just do something. Okay, yeah. I'm gonna eat a slice of pizza because I am a dog and I love that. And I'm gonna eat… And it's going to enable my, like, sniffing abilities to sniff out the fastest exit. Oh. I'm able to pull, like, some hard lefts and rights and stuff. Absolutely. Like, twisty turns to get out of here.

You close your eyes and then just drive with the sense of smell. He's turning the targeting system off. Right, yeah. It's one of those. Yeah. And you see a dog. The dog, Remy, just gets a pizza in her mouth, like… Yeah. That, like, dog where you, like, throw it into the back of your throat. And her pupils dilate and her nose dilates. Her nose dilates. Whoa. Her eyes shut. Nose dilates, eyes shut. Right. She's going just by sense. Yeah. Cool. And Blue is trying to keep up with the ball turret.

Mm-hmm. But you need to help him get through this last little chunk of ostriches. I'm going to start blasting all the other ostriches with the sauce shots. Sauce shots. Okay, yeah. Roll a D4. What's a sauce shot? It's a hot sauce shot really fast. It's a hose of hot sauce. Okay. You fire off the hot… The shot… Hot… Yeah. Sauce shots. We've only got 30 minutes to fire off the sauce shots. Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.

And you see ostriches going down and licking the sauce off themselves. I imagined a Gatling gun where, like, the chain, it's got a bunch of, like, El Paso bottles of… Right, yeah, totally. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The jars of Classico. Yeah, totally. And, like, the bottle and the little cap, like, ping off, like, shell cases. Yeah, totally. Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. But the absolute density of ostriches in this… In this zoo, which you see, it might just be ostriches.

People are editing photos of the Bobcat Villager. It's amazing. I ask too much. Lauren is so skilled. It's amazing. Oh, God. You feel your sauce shots run dry. I'm out of sauce. I'm out of sauce. Click, click, click, click, click. Oh, shit. The way has been cleared. The way has been cleared. Okay. Um, the sauce shots have run out. That is the three… That is the two to three. But you, uh, see the exit of the mall…

Of the zoo, and you rip through the other gate passing a line of people waiting desperately to see all these horrible ostriches. And then following you is a bunch of horrible ostriches. And blue. But the ostriches are left in the distance. Okay, next leg. Seven. Okay, so you leave the zoo and you come to… What has been described as the marinara marsh. It is a runoff zone from pizza headquarters of all of the unusable marinara sauce that is just festering in the hot sun.

So you see before you a wide plain of toxic marinara. Remy, you need to find a way through this. Oh my gosh. Is there anything on the car that would help us float or skate along the marinara sauce? It might just be pure driving skill. Okay. Yeah, I'm gonna off-road. I don't know how to drive very well. I don't know any terms. Yeah, so I'm going off-road. Oh, you, Jessica, don't know. Yeah, totally. I imagine just like two little fake dog paws come up and pull like goggles onto your eyes.

Basically, yeah. Okay, roll up the windows. Seal up all the crevices. Pull back in the turret. Yeah, the turret goes back into the car. The middle of the car is just so the turret can move back and forth. Yeah. And you pull yourself in. So roll your D4. Oh, shit. One. One. Okay. Oh, no. So you hit the marinara and it is so much worse than you expect. The car starts fishtailing. Oh, yeah. It's congealed. Oh, no. So you expect like a splash, but you go like…

And you see the pizza gauge on the box dings down one. Yeah. So you are now at six of eight pieces. It rattles. It rattles. The one slice that gets destroyed loses composure. Like the cheese falls off of it and stuff. Oh, yeah. Gets smushed. The box can tell when that happens. Yeah. It's like this is only edible for six pieces. Yeah. Minus the one that Remy ate. Okay. Can I reverse out of there? You can try. You kind of like…

Your tires start spinning and you see in the flat, the marinara flats shapes start to rise from the sauce. Sauce things. Sauce things. Oh, no. Oh, my God. Oh, no. Live oregano. Live oreganos. Yeah. And they're empowered by this living oregano that grows out of their saucy flesh. What do you do? I start shooting. I start shooting. Your sauce shots have run out. Oh, I only have those sauce shots? Well, no. What other shots do you have? Oh, man. I have so many shots.

So all the discarded pepperonis on the ground they collect and they're like little hard discs. Oh, burnt pepperonis. Oh, nice. So they shoot out like blades almost? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. D4. Three. Three. Okay. You start firing these pepperoni slices out into the marshes as Remy is like working on getting the car backed up. You're slicing these sauce things to goopy bits and they're separating into like smaller sauce things. Oh, no.

Everyone you cut down is turned into multiple smaller sauce things. But they are being held back by the barrage of fire. Barack Obama steps forward in his mech form and he he he he like lifts his arm up and a little rocket comes out of it. Jesus Christ. You're a mechanic. Why do you have rockets? Because it's garlic bread. It's a garlic bread. It's wait. What are the cheesy? It's the cheesy bread. Crazy sticks. It's crazy sticks. They're crazy. They're exploding crazy sticks there.

And these guys are really these sticks are so crazy. Okay. All right. Roll your D4 stumbled so much of that joke. Jessica got it before I all right. Roll it. Yeah, because it's like the best thing to soak up marinara is is this crazy? Oh one yeah. So as you're firing, I fired down into the box by accident. You're leaning out of the back of the bobcat and you just drop it accidentally and fire it right into the box. Yeah. And you are now at five. Oh, we star nation. This is bad.

Voice chips getting worse. I'm Barack Obama. Oh, we and Remy, you're trying to like rev the engine, but the intakes are full of marinara. Oh my gosh. I'm gonna have to I'm gonna have to get out of the car and manually pull this out with my jaws. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. Okay. So you emerge from the car which Domino's pizza handbook says the driver should never do. I know, but this is an emergency. Okay. No, I must do. I say my dog voice. I'll cover you.

Yeah, there's just like gunfellers pizza pepperoni being fired. There's garlic sticks going out, but the sauce things are approaching. Yeah. So I grab the bumper or whatever the thing in the back is with my powerful jaws and I pull it out. Oh, you're pulling the full car out of the sauce car of the sauce. Okay. Roll a D for come on. Come on, Remy. Come on, Remy. You're a good boy. You're a good boy. You're a good boy for isn't that what is that? What's the one on the bottom? Yeah. What?

Oh, one one. We're doing so bad. It's okay. So Remy as a dog, of course, you start pulling the bumper and pulling the car out and your nose catches the fact that one of these pieces is absolutely just right there and it's on the counter and no one's even looking. Yeah, I lick my lips and before you can even stop yourself. I've already eaten it. It's too late. You're now. I'm so sorry. I've eaten everything. You're now at four out of eight pieces.

This pizza is half destroyed and we're at 15 minutes. Yeah. Holy fuck. And you're makes sense. Half the time. Half the pizza. You're stuck in the sauce. What do you do? You're gonna have to do something drastic to get through this obstacle. And then Barack Obama goes, I swore to myself I would never do this. And he goes and he picks up the car phone and he dials the number and he goes, Tom Cruise President Tom Cruise Current President Tom Cruise. We're gonna need a pickup.

You hear one of those giant carrier planes coming from the distance. Like a Hercules. Yeah. With a skyhook trail. Okay. So the pizza strike is not a pizza strike. It is a pickup. Yeah, it's a pickup. Okay. So you see the like Hercules cargo plane pepperoni meters going down running out of shots. Barking. Yeah. Bark, bark, bark. And then he goes, I promise you I will give you back the Oscar. I stole from you in the 2033 Oscars. Okay. It's in the future from now.

And Barack Obama hits an emergency switch in the back of the Bobcat and a skyhook balloon like poof poof shoots up into the air. It's it's got the Domino's logo on it and a number to call for delivery. 10 10 10 and you all got to get on this car quick. Okay. Get in the turret. Yeah, because released in the bubble. Get in. Yeah, I scramble in like a dog. Try and get out of a lake getting everybody piles in and just above the hook catches the balloon and the and Kathy is ripped into the sky.

Yeah, the sauce things grasp desperately and we see the camera as the as the Kathy pulls away just underneath a little glob of sauce adhered to the what's the next spot one Tom Cruise won his Oscar playing a Barack Obama in the biopic and then Barack Barack Obama movie came out the same year where Barack Obama played himself with the exact same script. You want it because the Academy was just like we can't we can't give it to Tom. There's no way.

So number one is tent tunnel underground tunnel that's been taken over by starving freaks. Oh, nice. It's a shortcut, but it's littered with garbage fires hammocks crossbow rig traps fierce and unhinged raccoons use it your own risk and you are flying you're hanging on to Kathy as it's ripping above danger zone is playing because it's the only thing that Tom Cruise plays while he flies a plane and you hear him go.

Hey guys looks like we're running into a bit of turbulence and he's doing that face. He's doing the squinty smile and you see off to the side by plane. Wood and fabric by planes with the Little Caesars logo on the side. They're made out of Little Caesars boxes. They're made out of Little Caesars boxes. It says hot and ready all over it. And you see Little Caesars like clones of Little Caesars in the plane with their leather helmets and the goggles and scarves. Long nose. Oh my God.

He's like, I'm gonna have to drop you off here. And he gets you low and you see like a tunnel built into an old destroyed like subway tunnel. And he pulls you in close. It says eat fresh over the tunnel. And he lets you go and you start you fall through the air and plunge directly into the mouth of the tunnel. Yeah. Which is covered like wall to wall in tents and shelters and traps. What do you do? Sorry. Yeah. Is there the bumper like the front of the car is able to come down like a shovel.

Oh, yeah. Like the cops do. And I just I just like. Like scoop everything away. Yeah. Who cares? They're just being scooped. And you're seeing that like the starving freaks that you would expect in this tunnel are nowhere to be seen and in their place hundreds and hundreds of raccoons. Oh my gosh. You see they've been they look up and they smell the pizza and their eyes turn red. And there is one starving freak that remains with a crown made out of a subway footlong.

He's got footlongs all around his head. And he says, bring that pizza to me. It's the record king. Oh, no. What do you do? Laser beams. Oh, we're just full on. We're just doing it. Just blasting a hole right through it. Ten minutes. Yeah, totally. OK, so you engage the laser beam headlights. You don't even have to roll for this. It just happens. It just happens? Just describe it. Just click. I look into his eyes. He looks into mine.

I and I shoot the laser beams, the laser head beams, and they go straight into his pupils, blasting. Singing through his brain. He's dead. Is that how it works? It's K.I. Pretty much. It is a navigational obstacle. So the wake is clear. The tunnel is just like burnt. And the raccoons have no idea who's leading now. So they scatter. Yeah. OK. Yeah, perfect. So you clear the raccoons and the subway king and the traffic. So the tunnel is now clear.

You're just ripping through this cleared out subway tunnel. But you hit a point where like the traps that were left behind. Start like activating and going off. The car is riddled with crossbow bolts and saw blades start swinging down to try and chop your pizza. What do you do? Oh, man. What are we doing? I'm tossing out all of our crazy dips. Oh, the dips. Just shooting out pucks of dips to get into the mechanics of the of the of the of the traps and make them too slippery and too lubricated.

OK. So that they're overshooting their targets. These dips are so thick. So thick. And remember, you can sacrifice slices to just accomplish cool gunner things, too. I got a two. So I'm going to sacrifice a slice to make this a failure. I mean, a success. I'm going to sacrifice a slice and make myself fail. Yeah. So you do get that you eat the pizza slice, but you get what you want out of this. Use the dips. Yeah. You taste the dip, the dip running through your veins. Eight minutes left.

And you fire into the mechanisms of the traps and like a saw blade swings too hard and snaps the arms off at the arm. And yeah, the the gimbals, you're like pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, into the accurate joints. And the gears get like too slippery and like a buzzsaw arm flies off because it swings too hard. It's itself off. Exactly. Or the crossbows like are too slippery. And the the the string just misses the bolt completely. Oh, my God. Dry fire. There's never gonna fire again. Yeah.

And you're but the thing is, is that the car is going forward. And Mr. President, you see up through the car. Like the panels of the car. Marinera starts seeping into the back compartment. So the Barack Obama's brain is contained in a like a glass container of marinera sauce in his chest, in his chest. Yeah. So it's like the robot is kind of like it's a ball sort of in the middle with with his like brain floating around in it. And it's kind of like the bad guy from Ninja Turtles. OK. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And then it's he's got like robot arms and legs. So. But he he sees the marinera sauce and he like takes it into the container. Oh. And then starts fighting it. Just like sauce to sauce. Sauce to sauce. OK. Amazing. He's trying to water down the sauce. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Under awesome roll ID for awesome sauce. I'm going to take you into my robot body as the president of the United States. Barack Obama. You can't kill me. You can't kill me for. Oh, yeah. Our move.

The sauce enters your brain chamber and you feel yourself overcome with this malicious deliciously spiced malevolence. It's a psychic battle that's happening. It's trying to take over Barack Obama's brain. It's trying to subsume you into the marinera horde, the lake. And he goes, I will not let that happen again. Just as I did not let Mitt Romney beat me in the 2012 presidential election. And then he hears Mitt Romney's voice coming from the marinera. It's me, Barack. I'm the sauce.

Why is that dog not on top of your car? Why is it in the driver's seat? And you fully consume the essence of Mitt Romney into your marinera. And I, I, out of the ass of the robot, a pizza slice comes out and goes, cause I get an extra slice back. So you got five slices and it's got the soul of Mitt Romney. Perfect. Okay. And you come shooting out of the other side to your final bite. And you're like, I'm going to eat this. I'm going to eat this. I'm going to eat this. I'm going to eat this.

I'm going to eat this. I'm going to eat this. I'm going to eat this. And you come shooting out of the other side to your final obstacle. Six minutes. Six minutes. Five minutes. Five minutes. Was that a six? Yeah. Cops, cops are here. There's a blockade of cop cars full of cops earning $450,000 of taxpayer money per year for doing nothing more than playing out their high school bully fantasies. Is that the one you wrote today? Yes. They are bad guys ready to assault anything that moves.

So you are being bullied by barricaded. You come out of the tunnel and there are just cops as far as the eye can see. Screech. So get out of the car. Give us that pizza, nerds. And Barack Obama goes, I am coming out. You can't tell, but I am an African-American man. Oh, no. I am not holding anything in my hands. And the dough boy. The dough boy. The whitest one. Yeah. Secretly loads up, reaches into the glove box and loads up actual buzz saws into all the weaponry. Yeah.

So I stand in front of dough boy so that. I use a racial profiling against them. Exactly. They're blind to white people. Yes. They can't even see him. Like in their vision, it switches to their vision. And it's like the figure and form of Barack Obama is so bright. Yeah. That's all they can see. I am not being sneaky. I am obviously loading buzz saws into a gun to shoot them with it. It's blinding them so they can't even see this white little guy. It's working. Like they can't see him.

They can't see him at all. They can't see him at all. This is white sauce privilege. I look like Gandalf's staff. When they zoom. They're like, oh. And I go, hope, hope, hope. Okay. Roll. So who's the white guy? So who's rolling this? I guess we both have to. Okay. You're rolling two. Two. One. Fuck. Oh, no. Oh, shit. I want to sacrifice. Yeah, you can sacrifice a slice. You're back down to three slices. That's okay. Shit. Poops. The cops open fire. Oh, shit. That's all they know how to do.

That's all they know how to do. They saw people. They saw the car door open and they started firing immediately. And you're like, oh, shit. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. And you all duck out of the way. But the pizza slice, like the pizza box gets hit several times. It's riddled with bullets. Oh, my God. Dave is like, I summer at Martha's Vineyard. They keep shooting the pizza.

They're shooting the pizza specifically. They're old shooting. They keep saying, stop resisting. Stop resisting. But you got to get out of here. What do you do? You've only got two minutes. Oh, shit. So Barack Obama pulls out his cell phone. It's a phone. It's a phone. It's an iPhone 15 Pro. Great. And he sends an email to the chief of police. And then all of them simultaneously get emails that their 401ks are zeroed out because they invested with Merrill Lynch or whatever. Incredible.

Are you sacrificing a slice for this or rolling? I'll sacrifice a slice. Okay. So you got one slice left, I think. Oh, my gosh. Our precious one slice. Get in the car, everyone. Holy shit. Yeah. But they're so demoralized by the lack of money now. Oh, my God. They're like, oh, we're not getting paid. They all just walk away. They all just immediately walk away. They drop their guns and walk into the marinara sauce swamp and just kill themselves. Okay, Remy, this is the last chance.

Yeah, everyone get into the back of the car. Protect the pizza with your lives. Protecting the pizza with our lives. All right, gun it. I go into fourth, fifth, sixth gear. I don't know. There's so many gears. What do you roll? Are you rolling on this? I'll roll. I got… Oh, shit. I got to roll. What's that say? Four. Four? Yeah. Four. Four. Four. Four. Four. Four. Four. Four. Four. Four. Four. Four. Yeah. Wait, is it four? Yes, it's four. It's four. Four. Four. Okay. Oh, my God.

So you see one of the cops who has taken what is not theirs and is eating a piece of pizza that they grabbed from your car when you weren't looking, and you're ripping through this now abandoned barricade of cars, the cow catcher on the front tossing them out of the way, and you rip the piece of pizza out of his mouth, throw it in the box, and you have made it through your delivery, screeching with… What do I do? Hit the red button. Stop. Red button. Stop. With… With 14 seconds to go.

Wait, who do we deliver to? Remember, I just… I didn't figure that out, so I just hit random article on Wikipedia a couple times to decide who it's gonna be. And who is… And in the last… With 14 seconds to go, you pull up to the house of… Barack Obama. The original Barack Obama. Oh, geez. It's just a clone brain that's in his body. Yeah. You pull up to the home of Polish singer, songwriter, and actress, Mary Jane. And she's a huge fan of the song, Maria Pesek. And she has been…

She is living in a wonderful pizza commune on the outskirts of Domino's territory, and the car comes to a screeching halt in the front. Two slices remain. You eject them. We eject them directly into the Dijmbe that she's playing. Exactly. And they land right in her mouth, and she nods. And she's like, I can't believe this. And she nods. And she continues to play her Dijmbe. They go through… I don't know what kind of instrument that is, but they go through…

If it was a saxophone type of instrument, they go through and then in through her mouth. Assuming they are a Dijmbe. Assuming it's a kind of saxophone that you suck on. Yeah. Assuming it's… Yeah. It's a thing that you can suck through. Yeah. That it's… There's a tube in it. And you have only just barely completed your delivery in 30 minutes or less. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

They just barely completed your delivery in 30 minutes or less. Let's never play that again. My heart is racing. So stressful. It's so stressful. It's nice to have a time limit, but boy, it hurts to have a time limit. I love it. It's so good. We lost so many pizzas in this round. Oh, did we? We did so well last time. We did. You really did. I was worried… I think we delivered a whole pizza last time. I think you actually did get a whole pizza out. Wow. I was worried that…

The game was too easy. Yeah. I was wrong. Okay. I think that's where we're going to end it. That is the end of this stream. Thank you so much for joining us. This was a marathon one. Thank you for joining us for all of the announcements and all of your questions and for 30 minutes or less. If there's anything that you want to remember or go over, remember that the archive for this stream is available at the link that you joined it in.

So if you want to watch the recording later, that is available to you. Thank you so much for joining us and all of the other stuff that we've covered in this episode. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you enjoyed it. And remember that the archive for this stream is available at the link that you joined it in. So if you want to watch the recording later, that is available to you.

Thank you so much for joining us and all of the menders that popped in for the first one for the big announcement. Wonderful to have you as well. Thank you. Okay, everybody. I've been your Gamemaster, Sean O'Hara. Joining me as always playing Remi Remington, the dog driver. Jessica Tai. Bye, everyone. Playing Doughboy Dave, the corporate shill. Paul Loppers. Take care, guys. Thank you so much. Playing former president of the United States, Barack Obama, Abdulaziz.

It was a pleasure to be with you today. We'll see you next time, everybody. Goodbye.