Patreon Bonus: Mall Brats Season 2, Episode 7
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The Cool Treat Kids get ready to take on the Gaba Ghoulies, and Paul fully breaks all his fingers.
[Content Warning: Bored Paralegals, Pretty Nurses, Shattered Hands]
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Spout Lore is a hilarious Actual Play podcast using the Dungeon World game system, brought to life by four award-winning comedians in Canada: Abdul Aziz, Paul Oppers, Shawn O’Hara, and Jessica Tai. If you’re looking for a collaborative storytelling experience that balances high fantasy with side-splitting improv comedy, you’ve found it.
Join three “mighty” “heroes” (Tuk the Barbarian, Vyng the half-elf Druid, and Fat Billie the nine-year-old Halfling Thief) as they bumble through a post-magic world.
This is a rules-light, character-driven journey where the setting is made up on the fly; evolving from ancient hotdog-based festivals to mythic beasts of terrible power.
Whether you’re a TTRPG veteran or a fan of D&D comedy podcasts like The Adventure Zone, NADDPOD, or Dimension 20, you’ll feel right at home at our table.
Spout Lore is improvised narrative at its best: made FOR best friends, BY best friends!
Want our same shennanigains but in a setting that’s disney’s recess meets gangs of new york then check out our spinoff show, Mall Brats.
Show transcript (autogenerated by Apple Podcasts) ▾
Hi, Spoutlorians, Abdul here, just letting you know that we dropped a brand new episode of our Patreon-exclusive bonus game, Speltmore Mall Brats, over on our Patreon feed, and also dropping a little teaser here in the main feed for you guys. So if you're interested, head over to Patreon for the full episode. Links are in the show notes. Okay, so your plan is just go to the Gobba Ghoulies' hideout and attack. Yeah, just try and destroy their shit. Yeah. Let's go fuck their faces up.
Let's do that. They come into our house and they threaten us in our house? They come and disrespect us in our house? Yeah. Yeah. Let's go into their house. And do it. Disrespect them. Yeah, with our fists, and our feet, and our knees, and my elbows. And one very buff paralegal. Smash cut, too. We're hiding in the shadows. Oh, yeah, at the alleyway. Yeah. Yeah, and Borbo comes down the stairs of the law firm, Borblo and Borblo.
Oh, and all the work people are like, okay, well, we'll see you tomorrow. Yeah, have a great night, guys. I'm just going to go over here. I'm making roasts. Roasted chicken for dinner. Oh, wow. D-G-I-F, am I right? Yeah, totally. Oh, my God. And he walks away. Oh, man. Borbo, that was hard to watch. He stumbles into the alley and braces himself against a wall. He's like, oh, the lameness is too much. Oh, I feel it in my blood. You don't like having small talk, do you, Borblo?
It's just like, say stuff. Yeah, what's like a water cooler? You do not want to know, kids. What is the difference between hardly working and working hard? Oh, God, don't even say those words to me. What does it mean when you have a case of the Mondays? Can I buy a case of the Mondays or do I have to be an adult? Nobody gets a case of the Mondays. Not around here. Should we put a pin in this? Should we circle back next time? Do you not have the bandwidth for this conversation?
And he drops to his knees. He starts ripping his suit. Like it's a werewolf. And he rips the buttons off and underneath you see the word security. We really got to do this on purpose. He howls at the moon. He howls at the broken spotlight in the ceiling. Making this alleyway feel like it's tight. The mall clock that says 505. His shadow comes out immediately. Wow. Wow. He rips his torn, his cut off slacks away and there's some jean shorts underneath. Wow.
That must have been really uncomfortable wearing those all day. He's on the ground like heaving. Yeah. I'm sorry you had to see that, kids. That was the fucking coolest thing I've ever seen. What a transformation. All right. What's the plan? We're going to their house and we're fucking on mama. Cool. Usually we do like kind of a sneaky thing. Because we're like kind of a sneaky crew. But Clover's pretty pissed off at the cabagoolies. We all are. If you want, we could compromise.
Yeah, we could compromise. I was thinking of maybe creating some sort of sneaky distraction. And then while they're all in a kerfuffle from our sneaky part, then we bust their noses. Oh, yeah. Oh, this makes perfect. Okay. This is what I was going to say. Now that I am an adult man, the laws of the mall mean that I cannot act directly against any of the kid gangs. Oh, because you're 20 now. You're no longer a THC. Yes. Which means I cannot hurt them. No. But I can smash their shit up.
You're like, what? That's the rule? I don't know. It's probably pretty great. I'm not a lawyer. Yeah. I'm not a fucking lawyer. I'm not a fucking lawyer. But all I know is that I can't hurt any of them. You know what I mean? Okay. I can't hurt them. But you leave that to us. To us. Holy shit. Whoa, dude. Our friend. I'm like, are you kidding me? Oh, God. Paul. Are your knuckles okay? No, it's so loud. Call my wife. Sally, you broke all of your fingers. That was so sick. That's such a funny idea.
Somebody would be like, leave that. Snaps all their fingers at once. Oh. So we cut to we're in the nurse's office. Yes. Franklin's getting his hands wrapped up. Nah, I should be fine. Yeah, just. I wouldn't. I wouldn't. You know, try and snap all the bones at once for a while. I'd let him heal up. I'm pretty strong, huh? Most people can't do that. You can't break all their fingers. I don't think that. I don't think I've ever seen that before in my life. She's a really pretty nurse. Yeah.
Hey, these are still working. Don't do that. Who still has two working thumbs? This guy. Hands are actually under an enormous amount of strain. I wouldn't do thumbs up for a while either. Yeah. Just architecturally, your hands are moments. It's a collapse. So many cracks so many cracks