Patreon Bonus: Mall Brats Season 2, Episode 8
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Check out our spinoff show 👶🏼Mall Brats 👶🏼: https://www.mallbratspodcast.com
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The Cold Cut Trio and the Cool Treat Kids do yo-mamma jokes for like 5 minutes straight.
[Content Warning: So Hungry, So Old, So Young]
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Spout Lore is a hilarious Actual Play podcast using the Dungeon World game system, brought to life by four award-winning comedians in Canada: Abdul Aziz, Paul Oppers, Shawn O’Hara, and Jessica Tai. If you’re looking for a collaborative storytelling experience that balances high fantasy with side-splitting improv comedy, you’ve found it.
Join three “mighty” “heroes” (Tuk the Barbarian, Vyng the half-elf Druid, and Fat Billie the nine-year-old Halfling Thief) as they bumble through a post-magic world.
This is a rules-light, character-driven journey where the setting is made up on the fly; evolving from ancient hotdog-based festivals to mythic beasts of terrible power.
Whether you’re a TTRPG veteran or a fan of D&D comedy podcasts like The Adventure Zone, NADDPOD, or Dimension 20, you’ll feel right at home at our table.
Spout Lore is improvised narrative at its best: made FOR best friends, BY best friends!
Want our same shennanigains but in a setting that’s disney’s recess meets gangs of new york then check out our spinoff show, Mall Brats.
Show transcript (autogenerated by Apple Podcasts) ▾
Hi, Spellorians. Abdullah here. Just letting you know that we dropped a brand new episode of our Patreon exclusive bonus game, Spellmore Mall Brats, over on our Patreon feed and also dropping a little teaser here in the main feed for you guys. So if you're interested, head over to Patreon for the full episode. Links are in the show notes. So what do you do now? Well, we had brought the cold cut trio. Yeah, and they start cracking their knuckles. Be careful. He puts one of his bandaged mitts out.
He grabs his hands awkwardly. Franklin cracks all the knuckles of the cold cut trio for them. Thanks, boss. Oh, yeah. They're feeling real nimble. I'm ready to punch some ghosts. Nice. But you said last time that the cold cut trio were… Rooks, right? That they're loudmouths? That's true. We're not actually very good at fighting. Go ahead. Uncrack these knuckles for us, boss. I broke all your fingers. Okay, fine, fine. You do all the talking. We'll do the fighting. Yeah.
If you make them so mad that they come out to fight us… You get them out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. If we start talking, they're going to be so scared they want to stay in. Okay. They'll think we're a bunch of ghosts. Yeah, so this is… Covered in sperm. Scariest conversation. All right. So we're going to go in. Okay. Step one is find their lair, right? Yeah. I mean, but that's the thing is if you do all the talking, they're going to… You'll draw them out.
You don't even really have to find where they are. I see. Just start walking through the halls talking shit. Shouting to the darkness. Okay. That's what we're going to do. We're going to go out there. We're going to start talking some shit. And Murray Muffalato spins his razor scooter at the bottom. And then he puts it down. All right. Let's go. And he starts going… Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Hey. Hey. Get out of here. Come on.
And he starts scooting down the hallway. And Tony and Tony are rollerblading behind him. Yeah. Insult them. Insult them more. Hey, you fucking stupid gobba ghoulies. Sorry. Shouldn't have cursed. Hey, you freaking gobba ghoulies. We're keeping it PG. You know what? More like the gobba stoolies. Like stool like from a butt. Like poop. Do you hear us? And they're like, whoa, Murray's… Murray's out of control. He's the… He's so good at this. Make fun of their moms.
I heard that your mom is so hungry that when she sees your gobba ghoulie mask, she eats it. Whoa. Okay. Hold on. I can do better than that. No, I can do better than that. Your mom is so old that when she… When… Fuck. Your mom is so old. And then Tony walks up and he starts massaging Murray. And he's like, you got it, buddy. You got this. Hey, first time jitters, buddy. Okay. Your mom is so old that when you were born, you were an antique. Oh! Oh! Fuck you, bro. Oh, man. That was okay.
That was all right. I'll come up with a better one. And then Tony's like, yeah. And your mom is so old that when you rolled out of her hoo-ha, it was like Indiana Jones. Oh! Dust everywhere. And cobwebs and shit. Uh-oh. What's that? Is it Alfred Molina? All fucked up because of the darts in the walls? Shit. Your mama's hoo-ha is like an old cave protecting a bunch of indigenous Incan artwork. Your mama's hoo-ha belongs in a museum. Your dad has chosen wisely. I don't know.
Make fun of their dads now. Oh, your dad is so young that it's actually a real problem that him and your mom are together. Oh. Yeah. Your dad's. And then Tony comes back and he's like, that's right. Your dad's so young that his dick hole, when you fell out of it, it was like Indiana Jones. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Out of your dad's wide dick hole. No, buddy. Reel it back in. Reel it back in. Get off of the dick hole stuff.
It was so wide, it was like a marching band could come out. No, you're going back in the other direction. You gotta bring it back. Do something else. Make it cool.