Patreon Bonus: Spout More Episode 26

Hi, Spoutlorians, Abdul here, just letting you know that we dropped a brand new episode of our Patreon-exclusive bonus game, Speltmore Mall Brats, over on our Patreon feed, and also dropping a little teaser here in the main feed for you guys. So if you're interested, head over to Patreon for the full episode. Links are in the show notes. All right. So the next part is crossing the Candy Grass Plains. What lurks within these shadowy realms?

The last time we came through here, some weird long-fingered creatures were following us. Mm-hmm. They look kind of like elves, but really fucked up. You already know what those are. I have seen you enter a counseling session with one. Mm-hmm. Oh, the hobnoblin? Yeah. But the hobnoblin's cute. Yeah, these are wild. These are insane things. Hobnoblins are monsters. Don't you dare call Rara a monster. And then from my backpack, you hear, rah! Is he with you? You brought it with you? No, no.

Get him out here. That was me. I made that noise. Get him out here right now. It's because I just shit my pants, and then… Young man. No. He'll do it. Young man, get that hobnoblin out. Here, right now. And Fenton throws his pack to the ground and kicks it open impudently. You were so mad at having to get Rara out that you kicked him. So Rara comes tumbling out? Yeah, and he's like… I knew it. I knew that you brought this little thing in here with you. What?

Maybe this thing can help us parlay with the other things and talk to them and help us get through. Rara, we need to get through. Yeah. Yeah. Send her to call that we're here for… No harm. Send her to call and draw attention to all of us right now. And he salutes. Yeah. And he walks up. He stands up on a little chocolate boulder that's sticking up out of the thing, and he puts his big, long-fingered hands to his mouth. Got there just before me. Thank you. Sorry. You're not there.

And why would you ever want him to do this? I'm asking. I did not ask him to do this. I meant put a collar with the ram-rams. Yeah. Help us parlay our way through. Exactly. If he's one of them, they're going to trust him, because they probably know we're here already. Yeah. Okay. They're not stupid. Well, I mean, they actually are very stupid. Okay, fine. But we are stupider. You guys have amazingly made friends with Rara, but he is a wild animal, basically. But yeah, you hear…

And the grass, the grass starts shaking. And then like… Two arms! Two arms! There's like… Wait, you're going to fight them? No, I'm just getting ready. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Hands on swords. Wait, wait, wait. We have to come in peace. Remember? Yeah, we have to appear non-threatening, says Fenton. So he lifts his belly up and lies down on the ground. He lifts his shirt up to Joe's belly. Like a dog. Who lies down on the ground.

Franklin starts picking both his nostrils with two different fingers. Uh-huh. The least threatening thing possible. Clover does the squat with her hands up, like in a prayer next to her face. Like, we're cool. Yeah, trying to look super cool. Like an Instagram. Yeah. Girl. Exactly. She puts a pair of wire rim glasses on. Uh-huh. I'm less threatening. And Adric is just watching you all do this. And Fenton's like, get on the fucking ground, dude.

So this sounds like it's going to be a group action because you're trying to calm them. Oh, yeah. Pretty risky, I'd say. Yeah, this is risky for sure. I would honestly say almost desperate if it wasn't for Ran Ran. Yeah. So this is… It has thankfully been risky. It's going to be standard effect. Is this like consort? Oh, sway. Oh, consort. I mean, you guys tell me. Consort, I can see being used. Yeah. Sure. Yeah. Okay. That means I have two. Yeah. So everyone's rolling consort. I have one.

And it is… Who's the leader? She's got two. Excuse me. Okay. I also have two. Oh, yeah. You brought Ran Ran too. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. That makes sense. Oh, yeah. That makes a lot of sense. Okay. So yeah, everybody that fails is going to be one stress for Fenton. Okay. Here we go. Oh, my God. You're almost taking… Doesn't matter. Okay. Five and two. Six. I got one and a three. And a six. Thank God. Okay. So… I take one stress. Yeah. Yeah. It also… I feel like you should know this.

And I feel like maybe we did know this. But if you… Because I know if you fill your stress out and take a drama, you're out of the job. What? Whoa. Yeah. Yeah. That's how it's always worked. Clover wasn't out of the job. Yeah, she was. Yes. Remember? Yes, I was. We forgot that. Oh, gosh. Shit. Yeah. So if you take a stress… I have one more stress. So wait. How can you… How do we avoid stress again? Uh, armor. Uh, you… Can I use the armor? How? Can you? Because I have special armor.

Because I… Oh, my gosh. What if your armor is a paper mache that you made and it calms you down? Yeah. I mean, yeah, you can use it if you want. Yeah. Yeah. I'll use it. Okay. So what are the hobnoblins that come out of the candy grass look like? Long, wild hair. They're wearing like candy skirts. Like candy grass skirts. Oh, yeah. Candy grass skirts. Candy grass skirts. I'm a… Maybe they're like old, old… They're old Scotland and Ireland. Like they have like blue whorls. Oh, yeah.

Like candy paint on their faces. Like Pictish people. Yeah. Like they look like Picts. Yeah. Yes. I like that a lot. And they come swarming out and there's like dozens of them. Yeah. And you can see more movement in the grass. And they're like… And one of them steps ahead from the group and we… The largest one. Yeah. And we recognize that there's a familial similarity between this one and Rara. Yeah. And this one is large and is carrying a spear. Wow. Whoa.

With a ring pop that's been sucked to a vicious point. Wow. On his ring. On his spear. Yeah. And he stares down Rara. Yeah. And goes, Rara. Whoa. Oh, is this his dad? I don't know. What's Rara dressed as? Just for kind of… Rara has always kind of dressed the same. He's wearing like a… A paper bag princess style. Yeah. He's wearing a paper bag. Nice. Yeah. Like cargo shorts that he made out of a paper bag, basically. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. But he does have his therapy cardigan on. Yeah.

And some Pinson has glasses. And the chieftain of the hobnoblins is… They're very aggressively like… And all the hobnoblins are like… And Rara holds up his hands and goes… Can we shift perspective to… Yeah. To… To English? To English? Understand. Dude, I don't know. Yeah. Okay. Not like the country kids don't understand it. They just see this rabble happening. But we want to kind of go into like Rara. Yeah. Friends. Rara. Yeah, exactly. So we're in… Let's remember. We're seeing…

Father. These children are my family. Oh, God. I have taken their guardianship under my protection. And we must travel through these lands… …to the world around us. Or the world around us will be torn to flinders. They are our last hope. Yeah. Oh, the destruction of… Yeah. …the homeland. Yes. The impeding doom. The destruction that came to us, lo, those many centuries ago… …shall come to all outside these candy forests. And all the Raras go… And his father steps forward. Oh, sorry.

They are whom… …the prophecy foretells. There is a hobnoblin prophecy… …about three shit knobs. And that, like, that an elder says that… …and he holds up a scroll… …and it's a picture of Fenton on the ground with his belly exposed. A Jalanus cube with bones inside of it. They hold up… Yeah. A shit… Like a hunched over old, like, hobnoblin elder… Yeah. …walks forward with a… …with their robe… …shaking. It's the… They are the children from the ancient scrolls.

And he holds up a battered piece of cardboard. And it's got a painted picture on it. An old, faded, painted picture. And there is a brown-haired kid wearing, like, a white hat and shirt. And then a blonde kid in a blue shirt and a neckerchief. And then an even darker-haired kid in a red shirt surrounding a bowl of what looks like a delicious breakfast cereal. It's like… I believe that these children represent the ancient gods of Snap, Crackle, and Pop!

The stories are told that these children would come and will save our people. Is this true, Achilles? Achilles! Ray O'Reilly's name is Achilles! I believe it is, Father. And I think that you must let us pass unharmed. These children will not bring any woe to our people and will in fact be our salvation. And he bangs his push pop spear on the ground and the hobnoblins separate, leaving a path between they push the grasses aside, separating this field before you like the Red Sea itself.

And shift back to our perspective and what we're seeing is like them hunched over like little dogs snapping at each other. And one of them is like gripping a piece of like wet cardboard in his hands. Is that what he churns? And then they all back into the grass. Holy shit. And Ranran turns around and puts a fist on his chest and bows to you. And Benton puts his fist on his chest and like goes to one knee and he goes, I am forever in your debt.

And then he grabs your bag and he grabs a big pepperoni out of it and he shoves it in his mouth and he disappears into the grass. That's all right. Ba da ba ba da ba.