Season Five: Beach Party Summer

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape, and wields a spear with great might Peely's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends, and listen close For the tale's about to start Hey what's crackin' everybody?

Hey what's crackin' everybody? Hi, I'm your Game Master Sean O'Hara and this is Spout Lore With me as always, playing Fat Blade the Halfling Thief, Jessica Tai What's up? Playing Ving the Half Elf Jessica just dabbed She dabs so much now I was gonna say yeet, and I didn't know how What the fuck is yeet? Like you yeet it somewhere Yeet is like, as far as I know it's just throwing something?

We're all too old for this I like that you looked at me I don't think that's I have no idea what this is supposed to mean But you have the best skin out of all of us That's why The youngest person in the room is almost 30, so we don't understand youth culture anymore Who's the youngest person in the room? Me Jessica You're not 30 yet?

She's gonna be 30 in October Sobtober Sobtober That's what I'm doing this year To change it up from every other day of your life Yeah I'm gonna do heroinvember I'm gonna do heroinvember I'm gonna do heroinvember I'm gonna do heroinvember I'm gonna do heroinvember And playing Ving the half-elf druid Paul Opbers I'm flossin' Woo! Yeah, floss He's doing so poorly I'm never flossed You've never flossed?

Jessica loves to floss She doesn't have time with it Shit Sitting down, wow I mean, it doesn't work sitting down Is this worth it for us?

Yes, yes, yes, yes what it's so smooth natch natch natch throwing a dab wow that's my wife everybody well done thanks uh and playing tacoma dump the barbarian abdulaziz hello never be embarrassed for flossing it's great when last we left our heroes they had arrived at the vault fucking finally wow four seasons two years yeah and they're here at the vault and things went bad right away and then good I think and then kind of good I guess uh the well on the road we explored the fanny pack yeah which is a forever tent and you sort of took some time to make it your own billy sleeps in a drawer in the kitchen area now um francis the uh water pig what are we calling this that woolly pig I've also been calling them in my head mire hogs oh yeah like pretty good because they're just like swamp hippos I love it I also saw a video of a hippo recently where they do that threatening thing where they just open their mouth as wide as they can I was thinking about francis doing that his big ass tusks we found a room that billy determined was full of terrible creatures and we put a sign on it called it the danger room yeah which is very alluring makes me think of the x-men and I want to go in it I know right and I mean maybe you could just bust it open who knows but make friends with a monster according to yeah I mean well you tried yeah being attempted to commune with the spirits and was met with the empty void of the liminal space pretty heavy got to the vault you met you overcame the magical security measures surrounding it uh and you met chamberlain the keeper of the vault who is a stained glass golem and they demanded the box you went back and forth for a little bit refused and the box was destroyed by tacoma dome with his spirit axe I gave perilla test to see how he would react to being handed over finally and he reacted in a way that tacoma dome approved of yeah yeah he didn't freak out on this yeah he was just like I could have done so much yeah more than we can say for fuck you it was just like give me the box yeah well no and then he freaked out afterwards yeah oh yeah totally yeah yeah he he started shattering and the shards became spooky and he snapped little baby billow's arm the last straw my little arm and then perrell turned chamberlain to sand and now now perrell is here chamberlain is dust and that is where we join our heroes at this moment in time standing in the vault perrell the wizard standing above a pile of multi-colored sand the billy with a snapped arm and perrell stands in front of you his hand slightly raised following the enchantment he used to turn chamberlain into dust and his whole body just starts to sag it looks like he's about to fall over what do you do oh I catch him and he just slumps into your arms he goes oh oh oh oh I'm so I'm so sorry I'm so sorry and he kind of forces himself to stand back up why are you apologizing you literally just saved all of our lives it's just um and he's flexing his hands physical bodies are uh it's been a long time it's been a long time how did that come out of the box how did what come out of the body did it come out of the box I don't know did you see it I didn't see it I didn't see it I was nearby then I was here I I I wish that I understood how the process worked but now and he sort of gestures at the pile of gravel that is what used to be the water and he's like oh my god I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry stone box and ving is gathering it into a mason jar are you gonna are you keeping all that yeah what yeah hey prel yeah hi you're shorter than I thought oh yeah you are shorter than you appeared in your projection am I yeah you look like a substitute teacher well I mean maybe I goosed myself up a little bit during the projections and you can see that he's like balder than he made himself look just a little bit he's a little scrawnier and he does have that he does have like a shitty mustache like a wispy one kind of it's not as full as you'd think he would expect it to be like there's but he's got scruff on his face and there's parts that are just like blank yeah it's kind of are you looking at my own face I'm just describing your facial hair yeah it's pretty bad it's rough you can tell he made himself look a little bit better are you are you married to that mustache oh and he like touches his face I haven't needed to shave in so long so well you should pick up a razor for you next time we're in I'm sure I can find one thank you okay do any of you have anything to eat oh you're hyperglycemic I am hungry for the first time in almost a hundred years well I mean uh it seems like we always have granola with us wait hold on what happened to billy oh this and billy's arms just hanging shit billy yeah I don't it's weird I don't feel anything and then I just fall over okay yeah oh jesus I'm making a splint wait a second and like he looks at mirrors who's just standing nearby like wide-eyed and shaking staring at with his hand like that and he's like oh I'm just like oh I'm just like oh I'm just like oh I'm just like on the hilt of his sword he says quietly to all of you what have you done I think that's obvious it's a wizard yeah but he I don't know he you understand that they were gonna lock him up forever right yes that was explicitly what maggie asked you to do yeah but I need to do and all of us that was the point of all of this are you scared of the authority I'm afraid of wizards certainly they destroyed the world that's the story you've been told what if that story is you're scared of the authority I'm afraid of wizards certainly they destroyed the world that's the story you've been told what if that story is true I'm scared of the authority I'm scared of isn't the whole story and it may be the one side of a bigger story and he starts like breathing really hard like oh no oh no we're all this is so dangerous we're all gonna they he what are we and he's like he's panicking I reasoned his pocket and break his cell phone in half so he can't call but genuinely like he's starting to have a panic attack and we're like mirrors mirrors mirrors relax it's okay perel has saved our lives more times than I can count he saved your life too sure he took mine once yeah he did kill vang one time but he saved us more times than he killed vang that's right it was just one time so take all the times that he saved us and take off one and that's the number of times that he saved us so we vouch for him we vouch for him perel's like enough enough we can this can be dealt with later we need to we need to tend to to small to little billy here yeah I'm on it splinting up well I mean it's a broken arm it's gonna take it's gonna take some figuring for sure but I just want to make a splint yeah oh yeah you can make a splint thank you I did it yeah I'm not oh jesus do you have like a poultice we can put in the splint no I spent all my pulses on his sagatsuka oh yeah and perel is like oh uh sorry food somebody have something to yeah I rifle through billy's adventure and give him some grits and he eats a little bit and then he just shoves the rest in his mouth so fast like oh and he goes nuts on the granola like oh I love food I forgot how good food is wonderful um so and he throws his hands out you freed me there is now for the first time in a long long time a wizard in the world even now my thalmic field is likely emanating out from me and imbuing the environment with magical energies that it has to do with the world and I'm like oh it's a lot it's it's the truth sit down be humble yeah when you say sit down he puts his hand behind him and the stone of the floor starts bubbling and smooths up into a stool with like a high back on it and he just sits down on this stone chair is that is that how powerful wizards are yeah this is specifically what we're talking about in this episode we're talking about how powerful wizards are and we're talking about how powerful wizarding is and we're talking about how powerful wizarding is and we're talking about how powerful wizarding is and we're talking about how powerful wizarding is and we're is good at he's a transmutation wizard okay so he's good at changing the forms of things so he took the frogs and he turned them into bollywugs he can take things and turn them into other things well can you maybe do something useful and uh fucking fix billy's arm take a broken arm turn it into a good arm oh and he claps he's like oh I'm sorry I'm still getting used to the idea that I have magic again okay I can definitely give it a shot and he goes up to billy and he he very gently grips billy's arm and closes his eyes what what sorry is it that he very gently grips yeah yeah a lot of romance novels lately he um he closes his eyes and billy you're jolted out of your shock by a warm feeling in your arm and the pain that you were experiencing just a few moments ago uh starts to dissipate and it feels like the bone in your arm is healed wow what he fixed me no shit yeah check it out I give him a high five and he high fives you oh I haven't high-fived anybody in so long how are you feeling billy give me a little one nice ving comes up behind me gives him a hug oh I love hugs it's been so long I feel so powerful okay you're popping your peas on your power here yeah this guy's a little wide-eyed it's just it's hard to explain just the energy coursing through my body right now all right buddy raining in sorry in front of billy talking about the thalmic fields that you're emanating you're talking about the energy coursing through your body you're talking about it in a near sexual way I just have no other way to describe these you should try and find another way because it's making billy feel uncomfortable it's making him feel uncomfortable and I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm You're making me feel uncomfortable.

Yeah. And you're so breathy about it. I have breath again, though. Yeah. But keep it in, you know? Yeah. And also, like, Tuck, I've already seen it all from you. I don't show you everything. Well, you don't think you do. I've already seen it all. We saw your taint. Perel, Froze's brownie nods a little bit. Just play it cool. That's a great point. Yeah. I am a wizard, and I'm alive. But I am only one wizard. And I'm a very specialized wizard at that. You sure are, bud.

And this one, and he points at Mears, represents an organization that wanted to imprison me forever. And he's on our side? Yeah, Mears is cool. Is he? Yeah. Mears, you're cool, right, bud? I mean, he's cool in, you know, a way that he's not cool. He's not cool at all in any way. Look at him. He's got cargo shorts. That hair is fucking awful. He can only cook, which is great. But he's not really cool, you know? You wouldn't put him on an album cover. So we can trust him. Oh, yeah.

To not run off and alert whatever organization you've been in the employ of for however long. Mears, can we trust you? Hi. This seems wrong. Do you trust us? Yes. Well, yeah. But this is a wizard. This is explicitly what the menders do not want. Yeah, but, like, how do you know that all wizards are bad? It's just what I've always been told. Yeah. It's what you've always been told. So you don't know for sure that that's true. And Perel has helped us a bunch of times. He's been an okay guy.

Someone's going to need to make a role to, like, convince Mears that this is okay. Because he's… Like, on the edge of bolting. So is Tuck trying to convince him? Yeah. Yeah. Give me a 2D6 plus… Is this, like, a parlay? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or is this just a straight… Like, I've gotten down on one knee. Like, I have my hand on his shoulder. And I'm like, look, it's a fucked up thing to do to imprison someone for eternity. And that's what Maggie was asking us to do.

And if she was an okay person, like, if she was a good person, she wouldn't be asking us to, like, do that. She would at least be taking care of me. Take care of it herself. And all we've seen from Perel is that he's helped us. So… Eight. Plus what? Charisma. Ten. Ten. All right. Unmitigated success. Mears takes a deep breath, looking into your eyes as you have so gently made this friendly connection. Letting him know that you're only doing what you think is best.

And he nods and goes, I'm willing to give it some time. But only because I trust you guys. Thank you. I don't trust him. Any points of Perel. Well, give him a chance. Just give him a chance to earn your trust. That's what I've agreed. Okay. I'll give him a chance. But I am… Can I have the fanny pack? Yeah. And I give it to him. And then I go over to Perel. And I do the same thing where I get down on one knee. And then I pull him down to my level. Uh-huh. And I'm like, Perel?

Well, Mears has helped us out a lot. Mostly with meals. But can you give him the same courtesy that he's giving you? Of… Will you trust him? Of giving you a chance. Well, I think he's… I think he's made his choices quite clear. What? And he points, like, over away. And Mears has, like, walked further away into the vault. And you see him just throw the fanny pack on the ground and unflip it into a tent. And he goes inside. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Billy. So Billy pads after Mears. Yeah. You go through the tent. You find Mears in the extra dimensional, like, living room. And he's just clanging around in the kitchen. What are you doing? I'm making some food. Why? I'm stressed out. This is what I do when I'm stressed out. I'm cooking. Do you want anything? Do you want some help? Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That would be great. That would be great. What should I do?

Well, I'm thinking about making a…

Frittata so if you can find like a I don't know like a like a bread pan sort of thing like deep pan just anything I look in my drawer yeah you've been sleeping in a bread pan what about this I hold up my bed you keep bringing random things that aren't even like cooking utensils what about this that's a bowl yeah there's a salad bowl and a bread pan there is chopsticks there's some of the small kindling from the fire there's my blankets there's some hairs that francis has shed that I've collected tell me what in here you want I'll take this and he grabs the pan great choice and he just starts whipping up some food like he's just making a egg thing he's like bill you trust this perrell I trust him with my life he taught me some of the things I know including magic and he kept us safe and he helped us bring thing home so I like him a lot he's like a an uncle I never had and a teacher I never had and uh mirrors is like you you know magic kind of like small amounts really yeah you want to see some yes yeah yeah okay I'm gonna grab the hairs oh yeah yeah yeah what's in a frittata what do you need uh like a pep like peppers I don't know what pepper is but I'm gonna make something else jerky so you're doing billy switcheroo yeah oh my god I failed I got six so what happens what happens to these hairs so I was trying to turn them into chives uh they turn into worms no I don't know no that's fine yeah if it's these three hairs and you're like I've got it and then they the hairs turn into worms and billy goes and like drops them you still want them oh no see this is what I'm afraid of what the worms oh my god magic it's just it's unpredictable and it's dangerous it's not dangerous just grow up and I walk away whoa mirrors is just like left standing in the kitchen and perel is with the two of you ving and tuck and he's like so what now huh and we did it you freed me yeah we're here you made it to where you were supposed to go this whole time we did it we did it everybody it doesn't really feel like that much of a climax right I guess not yeah let's try and I mean let's try and make it feel like a bigger thing okay all right okay I'm alive again I was dead for a long time yeah we've all huge deal for me it's fine okay here's my thought billy yeah billy's got a handful of worms uh if you guys are hungry mirrors is making a frittata and I'm gonna do a little bit of a!

I'm gonna do a little bit of a! I'm gonna do a little bit of a! I'm gonna do a little bit of a! A little bit of a! A little bit of a! A little bit of a!

You I don't know he's just upset but I'm upset so I'm gonna go over here why are you holding a handful of worms I try and make something and it didn't work out and I just have these worms that's okay billy takes the worms outside he just goes up and starts burying them in the ground yeah this is your world yeah be free you were once hares but now you're worms uh but yeah parell's like so what are the menders coming for you is this going to be a problem I don't know man really didn't ask that we were just told to bring you here yeah they didn't really they're not good at communicating they're not good communicators can they find you yeah they have our blood your blood yep and this is like a magical means of tracking the three of you I guess so they found us in high spear presumably mirrors uh yeah they could probably find mirrors too I mean honestly even if you didn't have mirrors as blood and a magical means of tracking them you could probably find them pretty easily clang clang yeah god damn it that's hot so what was your plan after you left here I I leaned over to him and I grabbed on the shoulder like plan very well understood I just fear that if it were to get out that there's a wizard alive that it could go very bad for me very quickly and I could end up back in one of those boxes or worse I'm not immortal I'm I'm easily killed okay just as easily stabbed to death as anyone else with flesh and blood okay well then just be low-key about it that's fine I can definitely try I it would be possible for me to to suppress my the energy field that all wizards possess but it might be easier to to carry on as if nothing had changed what do you mean I mean as long as mirrors doesn't let the cat out of the bag so to speak for all intents and purposes you delivered the box to the vault right huh yeah but won't they know that chamberlain's dead yeah chamberlain's dead the box is smashed great point and he reaches down and he puts his hand above the pile of multicolored sand that had been chamberlain a few years ago and he's like I don't know what to do with it I don't know and he's like I don't know what to do with it I don't know what to do with it I don't know and starts to raise his hand and the sand starts to heat up and glow and melt back into panes of stained glass and as he raises his hand the body of chamberlain reforms and the light inside starts to flare back up and you can see parell scrunch his face up as the light flickers and chamberlain's lead-lined face starts to like grimace in sort of the angry aggressive face that you saw when he was trying to kill the three of you whoa what are you doing just what this is a second parell's like wait no no he then he puts both hands up and he's like and the the light stabilizes and the lead-lined face of chamberlain relaxes and the sand like has shot out of the mason jar that bing had stuffed a bunch into just destroyed free yeah but you said you buy them by the dozen yeah for a price and parell's face is scrunched up he's just like shut up up for a second you should and perel uh relaxes as chamberlain relaxes and places their hands in front of them in sort of a servant's gesture and it's like how can I help you and perel is sweating like sweat is pouring from his face he's got huge sweat stains like on his robes he's just mopping his own face like oh and uh perel reaches down to the stone chair that he'd formed a little bit ago to rest on and it becomes liquid again in his hand and he works it like a like he's working a ball of dough into a roughly box-sized shape he forms in front of you a like copy of the wardstone box that he'd been imprisoned in for so long oh sick don't forget the crack he's like oh no problem and he very flashily like taps the top of the box and it's got the little hairline crack and he's like and also don't forget all the shit in there put some shit in there just in case they open it then that would be hilarious that that would be pretty funny that's pretty funny and he kind of puts his hand above it and goes and you can see him like jig and the box kind of jiggles a little bit he goes it's gonna be hilarious and he he turns to oh don't you shit this is the funniest thing to me finally shit in that box and he turns to chamberlain and he holds the box out and goes chamberlain and he goes yes master could you deposit this in the vault please he goes right away and he walks away with the box and chamberlain walks up to one of the stained glass walls and just flows right through it whoa yeah billy comes in at that point and sees that he's like and perel looks at billy like that's what real magic looks like young man oh that's a weird flex to do yeah billy walks back out perel goes what why do you have a bunch of worms these ones are new worms because uh oh uh very well very well wait why did you bring new worms back in well I found them and they looked so lonely I thought I'd take them on a tour of this place but I see I'm not welcome and I no no no side eye and he puts his hand on your shoulder like no what that was your what's wrong well I couldn't do any magic in the tent and then you just said I don't have real magic no and I'm embarrassed that I want a cold side that was not what I was implying that was what I was simply implying was that in time you will possess abilities equal to or perhaps exceeding mine well only if you like I'm not going to be able to do it in time I'm going to be able to do it in time I'm going to be able to do it in time only if you're teaching me I mean yes that is part of it it requires tutelage so when are we leaving then well I suppose that's up to the three of you now with the quote-unquote box in the quote-unquote vault thanks to quote-unquote you that's a lot of air quotes yeah it's too many I think that as long as you're able to convince the menders that all is as it should be there shouldn't be any problems you yeah I think we can lie I think we can lie to them yeah we can I mean there's not gonna be any problems are there bro I they're still tracking you magically or if if uh your young ward in the tent decides that his conscience can't handle lying to his superiors he'll be fine don't worry about it you leave him to us I would recommend maybe parting ways with him at some point he seems like a liability yeah we like him billy what yeah I like mirrors yeah we like him we like you too well yeah are you coming with us and he thinks for a moment he's like I suppose I mean and he looks around like this place is pretty fascinating though why should I come with you well I mean I don't know I thought we were friends yeah I thought you just wanted to hang out with us but if that's different don't we have things to do with you in the world aren't you gonna help us fix everything I could I definitely could don't you want to prove the world wrong everyone's against you and wizardry we need to roll no perel's not the kind of person you gotta roll against him for like thankfully because I will fail you know I think I think I will come with you yeah perel perel perel perel come on hip hip perel should we should we end it there no no holy shit no how much time that's like a 30 minute episode okay uh chamberlain comes back out through the wall hip hip perel hip hip perel uh and then we all stopped because he ruined it he's just got it chamberlain just has his arms halfway up he brought the nerd vibes perel uh and perel turns to chamberlain like chamberlain here's what's gonna happen I'm going to leave now or soon and I may not return but if the menders arrive do not mention me and tell them that fat billy ving the druid and tacoma dome delivered the box as promised and and uh chamberlain just nods says I understand and don't let them contact us no no that's too much we need time they but they would know that we fucked with chamberlain man uh but then chamberlain says I could send a letter oh yeah saying that the task has been achieved yes the quest is complete and also chamberlain I think there was some promise of payment and chamberlain goes payment is not usually involved in the quest of payment and I'm not sure if that's true or not but I'm not sure if that's true or not but I'm not sure if that's true or not but I'm not sure if that's true or not menders operations and perel goes but chamberlain they're guests and uh chamberlain nods and goes guests wonderful what sort of payment were you hoping for I don't know like what's your coolest thing oh our coolest don't fucking way what's a reasonable like what are you hoping for I wanted a piece of chamberlain oh a piece of chamberlain yeah sick for what I want to make a amulet to remember this moment and you want a memento from a living thing for my scrapbook yeah make like a little like bangle bracelet one of those like little like troll blade right bracelets what are they called charms charm bracelets troll bracelet okay no I've been making a troll here's the thing in this world the trolls make these things called troll bracelets they just call them bracelets they're like charm they're charm bracelets I have crocodile teeth on there I've got a little bit of a dried up assassin vine uh it's all of our adventures on his wrist yeah yeah um great uh wonderful so without you having to say that chamberlain thinks for a moment and goes well as my task is keeping the items in the vault safe I could not do that I could not do that I could not do that I could not do that I could not do that I could not possibly give you anything that I've been required to keep watch over but and he reaches up and grabs his own finger and snaps it off oh yeah cool and takes like what the fuck and uh pokes his pokes his other index finger through the tip of that index finger to like kind of make a hole in it yeah and then snaps the individual knuckles off like so there's three knuckles and he holds them out to each of you and they make little rings of like colored glass I put it on my crystal hand yeah it's just like I put mine in my uh little pouch it's too big for my fingers yeah for now and what does tuck do just put it on he puts it on but yeah you put them on and well tuck's the only one that puts his on well no ving put his on or the crystals and they um yeah they start to glow uh with a very faint but clear light oh nice these are beautiful thank you thank you I do yeah uh yeah and perel sort of looks around and I want to give something to chamberlain to say thank you are you just gonna give chamberlain some bullshit out of your bag uh it's not bullshit it's a fucking gift for a friend okay chamberlain goes oh a gift for me yeah so I'm like rifling through my bag I'm like fuck and then I take out the book love and lust and I'm like chamberlain have you ever read love and lust before chamberlain's lead line eyes like open wide I have not read a new book in two years wow well this he reaches out snatches it right out of your hand okay I'm grateful and flips to the first page and is just reading okay like input this is I'm so fucking glad that I had I when I came up with chamberlain I was like chamberlain is a weird stained glass golem who loves to read and hasn't had a new book in so long but I was like they like love and lust too much but because he read the first time you met him he read mirrors his letter and was like this is awful yeah like he's just been waiting to read a new book I'm glad you like it and he starts to wander away he's just turned around like oh just delightful like whispering to himself like a golem that loves trashy novels trash yeah oh yeah specifically romance novels yeah he loves them can't get enough cool uh and I'm liking chamberlain more and more now I'm glad so cool really glad let's get the fuck out of this vault yeah yeah pearls like where to do I just do I just hop in the tent yeah well one second yours is in there yeah let's go and check out what mirrors have been doing oh yeah we gotta go eat should I come with you yeah come with us yeah you're part of the family okay mirrors is in there yeah let's go and check out what mirrors has been doing a few days ago a few days ago a few days ago a few days ago a few days ago a few days ago a few days ago a few days ago a few days ago a few days ago a few days ago a few days a few days a few days a few days a few days a few days a few days a few days a few days a few days a few days a few days a few days a few days a few days a few days a few days a few days a few days a few days a few days a few days a few days a few days a few days a few days a few days a few days You want to give him a hand back?

I mean, that's not what I was thinking. What are you thinking? And I think you also have to ask him first. I'm just thinking that if he doesn't trust me… You can't zombify him. Don't erase his brain. Okay, so we're not cool with brain chemistry transmutation. No, what the fuck is wrong with you? I just think that he's a liability. Who even thinks about that? Yeah, and he thinks that about you. Yeah, you know who's a liability right now? Is you. You're right. You know what's hard to navigate?

A one-way street. Trust goes both ways. He trusts you. We're working on him. We're working on you. You gotta work on you too, bud. Now just tell him you love his food. You'll eat it up. I would eat a stick right now. So I'm sure his food is delicious. That phrase is one I've never heard before. We don't say that anymore. It was very popular when I was a youth. Sticks? That phrase. That turn of phrase. That phrase. I'm so hungry I could eat a stick right now. Oh, I remember that one.

Yeah, thank you. This must be still in use in the halfling lands. No, but I did eat a lot of sticks in my time. Okay, well, all right. Yeah, he heads in, but Peril's like, I understand. I'll try and win him over with my charm. You gotta stop doing air quotes, bud. Yeah. This is going to be difficult. Your mouth has to stop. It's getting so wet when you say stuff about your power. Yeah. Can you stop getting wet over yourself? Yeah, can you stop salivating at your own power?

I am not used to having salivary glands. I'm getting used to it. That is actually very funny that Peril is just figuring out his body again. So he's doing a bunch of weird stuff. He's in puberty. It's a fourth puberty. What was your third one? Let's head on in, folks. And you go in. You're through the entryway, and Mears is in the kitchen. Smells amazing in here, Mears. Well, the paella is on. Or the paella. Sorry. I got confused halfway through. I made a paella. Fucking paella again.

This guy is paella. You made a half frittata, half paella. Yeah, the frittata got kind of wet, so I just turned it into a paella with eggs in it. It's kind of baked. It's not great. Oh, it smells good to me. And he turns around, and he sees Peril. He's like, oh. And Peril? Peril smells great. Mears is like, hmm. Well, come on, everybody. Eat. The three of you. Come on, have some. Hey. Hey. Friaya. No. What? What? What? What? What? First of all, Friaya. Awesome. Love it.

Second, he's going to trust you and not zombie you. That was what? He was going to what? Shut up. No. Shut up. Why would he do that? Yeah. Why would he zombie me? Sure. I don't know. It's nothing. It's nothing. People do. Peril said that he's willing to hang out and trust and travel. And I think the least you can do is do the same. Especially after he saved us from Chamberlain. That guy was going to kill all of us. Billy first. For sure. And he fixed my arm.

Well, Billy and I already kind of talked about it. I'm not. 100%. On board with Peril. But I like you guys. You've given me a lot of purpose in the world. And I'm not just going to betray you. If you say that you trust him, then I trust you for now. You guys should shake hands. Yeah. Shake hands. Peril, this is how you shake hands. He's shaking his own. He's just gripping his own fingers. Yeah. Oh, I know. I've. It's been a while, but I've shaken hands before. And then I'm also.

I'm doing the same thing. But to Mears, I'm like, do it like this. And Peril walks up and holds out his hand. He's holding out the hand that Mears' hook is on. And Mears like holds out his other hand. And he's like, no. Give me that hand. And Mears is like, and he looks at all three of you. And he's kind of wigged out. You give him a thumbs up. I give him two thumbs up. And he. So he reaches out with the with the hook hand and Peril takes it and puts both hands on it.

And shakes it very sincerely and looks him in the eye. And when he takes his hand away, you see that the wood in the hook is like fused into the metal. And the metal is formed into five fingers. Whoa. Dope. And Mears like flexes his hand. And the metal goes like. We're going to have to get some oil for that. And he's just flabbergasted. And he looks at Peril and goes. You want some fry? Yeah. It's not good. And Peril like looks at the food and you could. He's he's just so.

Thrilled that there's food nearby and he goes. I could not care less. And you guys settle into like kind of a nice meal family dinner in the. There's no dining room. Did I say there was a dining room? No, I think there's like couches. Yeah, we're just eating on the couches. And Peril is. He's eating so much. Whoa. Yeah. He's laying on a pillow and he's just like. I love lounging and eating. It's almost gross to watch him. It's pretty gross. It's like. We're watching it. We're like.

We're going to have to have a conversation with him about this. We're going to have to talk to him. He's eating his feelings right now. For sure. For sure. For sure. I recognize this. As he's shoving food in his face. And he's also like. He's figuring out his body. So he's like. I don't know. He's farting and burping a lot at the same time. It's fucking gross. It's one of those things where he's just laying there like. And then out of nowhere he's like. I am so sorry.

He just farted out of his mouth. I wanted to do that. But I did not expect it to be that loud. It's incredible. The body is just an amazing thing. Chew with your mouth closed. Oh, I'm sorry. Lips. You know how it is. Also stop gyrating against the couch. It's so. So soft. I just can't get enough of this. And Francis the Woolly Pig is like asleep in the corner. Like you guys got to. And it's cramped. I should mention now. It's like pretty cramped. Yeah. I mean, the morning comes.

If you all just kind of hit the hay. Sleeping on the ground. Perel is asleep so fast. But he wakes up a lot. Because he like forgets what being asleep feels like. So he's just. Oh, okay. It's like a baby. You have to like teach him how to sleep again. Yeah. Because the act of being tired. Is scary. Yeah. Like the feeling of being tired. It's like I'm dying. I'm dying. And then I would. I'll pick. I pick him up. And I'm like, you're not dying. I like bounce him to sleep.

Every time he starts to drift away. He's like, no, no, no, no, no, not back in the box. I can't go back. It's like you're not in the box. The box is gone. Yeah. And then. Yeah. We all take turns. Like. Yeah. Like I'll bounce him to sleep. And then I'll put him down. And then Billy will like rub his back. Yeah. And then Bing. I. I. I. I. I. His. His bald head. Circles. Oh, that's so nice. Is Bing still trying to commune with the spirit world in here? Or. What's the point? What's the point? Yeah.

Bing. It's rough, man. Oh, whatever. Bing. That's life. You'll find your spirit animal. Yeah, probably not. You will. All right. I don't believe you. Maybe you'll find you. What even am I? Billy. Cheer him up. Do something to cheer him up. I. I. I rub things back. That's nice. Thanks, Bill. You're welcome. At least I have you guys. Yeah, always. Yeah. And we go to sleep. Yeah, that's nice. So you wake up in the morning and, you know, Mears makes some breakfast. It's sort of a quiet morning.

Mears walks up and he's got the map in his hand and he puts it on the table and he spreads it open for everybody to see and looks at it and looks at all of you and says, well, I'm. Where now? Vacations where I want to be. Beach party summer. Beach party summer. I mean, yeah, that's the thing. And Pearl's like, we you had no other tasks with the menders. This was it. This is honestly like our biggest job ever. We can go anywhere. We can go anywhere we want to go.

I mean, what what happened with the did anything ever get resolved with? The, you know, the monster created by my darkest ambitions. Oh, shit. Wait, which one was that? I think it killed Ving. It was the reason that none of you trusted me. It disappeared into the waterways. You said. Oh, right. I forgot about all that. It's chipping away at the circle of life out there. Yeah, it's destroying the halfling lands. On the other hand, beach party summer. I mean, as. Someone who has.

Been put upon for a very, very long time. There's nothing wrong with taking a little time for yourself, you know, well, let's stretch in your arms and legs and other parts of the bodies that we all have now. This guy's nose. Yeah. Yeah. Very happy about having a body. It's so cool. I cannot. I, you know what I did this morning? I defecated. Yeah, we all saw it. You did it in the middle. I mean, there's no privy in the fanny pack. We have bathroom. What are they? What is that?

What they're called now? It's been so long. Yeah. And he knows it's like, it's going to be like, hey, it was the grandpa for the next few months. Because we're like an uncle worse. Just the worst. It's not charming yet. Yeah. It's just kind of gross. And actually, once we once we talk about this a little bit, he any points at the danger room sign goes, we should probably figure we should probably talk about this, huh? Yeah.

We all look over there and there's like, yeah, the fabrics kind of being pushed out from the inside. Do we want to settle that? We've dealt with it. There's a sign. It's it says danger room. We know we shouldn't go in there. Yeah. That's why we put the sign. And now everyone knows. Right. Yeah. Danger room. Don't go in there. But it says any points of it says guest quarters, doesn't it? This could be beds. You've been sleeping on a couch. Yeah. On the floor. Yeah. On this pig. Wooly pig.

Honestly, if I found a bed, I probably. I still sleep on top of Francis. It's great. I mean, maybe there's a bathroom in there. I mean, this is. Or a privy. A privy. That's what they were called when I was alive. Honestly, it would be nice to not have to like just shit outside. And then it cuts to Chamberlain, who's like. Scooping. Chamberlain's got a bucket full of shit that he's walking up the stairs and throwing into the pond. Plastic bag on his hand. Yeah. It's like. Ugh.

Coming back downstairs. Getting back into love and lust. He's got the bucket with one hand. He's got the book open with the other hand. Like, hmm. He looks at the camera and says, eh, it's a living. Billy comes back in from his shit. What are we talking about? Yeah. Did any. You just decided that you were going to live in a living room with a room full of monsters right next to you? Yeah. With a sign on it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I've been trapped in a box for 90 years. What's your excuse? Well, I grew up on the streets of one of the roughest cities in the world. Billy is an eternal fairy who doesn't remember past two weeks ago. And Ving's dad killed his mom. So we don't have super high expectations of the world. Have you ever heard of a broken home? I come from one. And Mears leans into the circle and goes, My dad farms mud and a frog ate my hand. And Perel goes, All right, that's fair. That's fair.

And he, I'll think about this because, and he reaches into one of the pockets on his coat and pulls out the red book. He goes, Because I've got this baby. What's that? Oh, you got the real version of the ghost book. Oh, cool. Yeah. I saw this laying around. I didn't think you needed it anymore. Oh, that's cool. That's weird. You definitely shouldn't take stuff that's not yours. I take it back. Can I have the journal full of my memories, please? Absolutely. Here you go. Thank you so much.

And he goes, Was that so hard? It wasn't. Just to ask. It's just, I'm sorry. I'll get used to it. Two-way street. You're right. I'll work on it, but I'll also work on that. And he points at the danger room. And Mears goes, Okay, whatever. Magic stuff. Who cares? But he's also flexing his hand. On the other hand, Oh, yeah. We all know. It's metal now. It's metal. We're great. I've got a magic hand. It looks really cool. You've been using it pretty hard all night.

You guys, you didn't hear anything, did you? We need to get oil on that thing, man. Yeah. Just like, All fucking night. You sound like a shopping cart in there, pal. We can hear you. I went into the entry. I thought it would be fine. What the fuck are you talking about? This is all one room. You went two feet away from where I was sleeping. We all sleep in a fanny pack, pal. And he goes, Okay. Noted. Perel, you work on the additional rooms.

And in the meantime, we're going to figure out where we're going to go. Yeah. And he points at the map. And he points at the map in a normal Sean voice. And so this is the map that we have. Um, Amir's how far away away from the coast. Uh, and he like puts his thumb, like he's basically measuring with his thumb. And he's like, I'm seven days. But I mean, like seven days. Jesus. But I mean, travel's not going to be difficult anymore. Like, look at this thing. I guess so.

We're going to travel in comfort wherever we go. We're going to have each other and we're going to have Francis in a kitchen. Eventually not a room full of monsters. We can go anywhere we want. Well, I guess I asked. Billy, I'm like, Billy, do you know of any? Because you want to go to like a summertime vacation town. Do you know if there are any like vacation towns on the coast? Um, are you going to answer? Because if you are, you got a spout for two to six plus intelligence.

Oh, thank God in heaven. I thought that was the one. It just made it with a seven to nine on Spout Lore. I tell you something interesting. It's up to you to make it useful. But I'm going to flip that around on you. We're going to talk about a place that you're going to. Come up with like, you know, name, location, all that sort of stuff. But there's something that you don't know about it. Like, it's basically going to be like something is wrong with your information. Okay.

Well, I know some of the fancier halflings like fancy Billy. They would go away for the summertime. And then they would go back to the shores of this beach. And I always heard stories about them coming back and being like, yeah, we ate all these like weird foods and we got to sleep in these really nice log cabins. And, um, there's Sandy beaches and the water was so blue and I always wanted to go there. And it's a lagoon off the sea of graves. And it's called crystal Bay. And there's the water.

I don't even know. I just really want to see it. Yeah. Let's go. Wait, let's go there. Where's the, where the halfling land over here? Oh, Jesus. Oh, what? Well, I guess it's kind of on the way to going to deal with that. Yeah. You're like leaving the mountains and going like an easier way. And I mean, like that. Yeah, there could be there could be river travel and stuff along that way. Like a tram, a tram. Yeah. Like it could be like there's a tram that you can get on around here.

That makes it easier to get that way. That's like a remnant of the wizard times. Sick. And is that from crystal Bay? Yeah, it goes. Well, it goes. Yeah. To crystal because that's the rich people. Oh, the rich halflings take the tram from near the holds up his bag of 400 gold. Like Billy, you want to go to crystal Bay? I do. We're going to crystal Bay. There's a tram that goes up to crystal Bay. No, no, no. We got to walk. Okay. That's where we're going to end it for today.

My name is Sean O'Hara. I'm your game master with me as always playing fat Billy, the halfling thief, Jessica tie. Goodbye. Playing being the half elf druid, Paul offers vacation and playing Tacoma dome, the barbarian Abdul Aziz. I'm going to get us when soon. Thank you to Aaron Reed for the intro and outro music. Thanks to Wes for all the technical stuff. Thanks to Abdul for all the editing. Thanks to Paul and Carl for having us in their beautifully cozy home.

Uh, thank you to all our Patrion supporters versus sporting the show. And thank you to you for listening. See you next time. And so ends the tale of adventures. Three who tried the best they can. Dumb and scared and lost. They be for times of breast in. And though our journey may be like a conclusion. We will not leave you without a resolution. Return next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores. And for you, I'd gladly. About. Long. Long. Long. You

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape, and wields a spear with great might Peely's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends, and listen close For the tale's about to start Welcome to Spout Lore everybody, I'm your Game Master Sean Welcome to Spout Lore everybody, I'm your Game Master Sean With me as always, playing Fat Billy the Halfling Thief Jessica Tai Good morning Playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian Abdul Aziz Hi And playing Ving the Half-Elf Druid Paul Oppers Go fuck yourself!

Hey, energy up! Boom, early morning recording session Yeah! Early morning recording, Abdul and I were awake at 7am We have a lot of the residual bullshit that we're dealing with in our dreams That we are still working through Let's talk about it, dream energy, Abdul, what were you dreaming about?

I don't remember but I woke up with an erection Paul I was dreaming about Abdul with a big heart on Woke Up Classic And Jessica I didn't dream but when I woke up I saw Abdul sleeping on the couch and I was like, he has an erection Did you see my erection? No Okay But I knew it was there I saw somebody see my erection once What was that like?

They were turning and laughing And running back into their room as on the couch And I think we all know who that person is too which is really funny When last we left our heroes, they were reunited with the physical form of Perel And spent a little bit of time having some magical debates of various kinds They talked to Perel about the possibility that the Menders would track them down now that they have released them The only living wizard And Perel has agreed in an attempt to cover their tracks He resurrected Chamberlain and created Chamberlain's urge to cover for the party And created a fake box out of normal stone that looks like the Wardstone box And they have decided to hit the road to still follow up on a lead that the Menders gave them Yeah I think To go to the Halfling Lands We're going to that We're going to the Halfling Lands eventually but I think we're gonna stop at a vacation down Yeah somebody's going to like volunteer at a church but they stop off at a playground first Yeah well and also there's apparently a tram of some kind that you can catch in Crystal Bay That goes straight to the Halfling Lands Yeah We're gonna spend all our money on it And that is where we meet up with everybody So Tuck, Vang, Billy and Mears are riding the cart pulled by Francis the Woolly Pig Who happily trundles along On a muddy road And after a few uneventful days of travel with Perel sitting snugly in the fanny pack Wrapped up around Tuck's waist Uh yeah maybe I have it in the backpack Like where the box used to be Wear it Yeah I have it in my backpack Oh he's wearing it like a millennial it's strapped to his like torso No I'm not It's strapped crossways across the front No You're wearing it like a babysitter I don't wanna do that He keeps his phone and his credit cards in there Fuck you guys Why do you have more than one credit card Tuck?

That's dangerous And he keeps his airpods in there Cause he doesn't want- he keeps losing them It's like his third pair Fuck Really costing him a lot Yeah and after a few uneventful days of travel you exit the more thickly forested section of the Firefields Principality that you've been traveling through And uh you come out of the trees the sun is shining and before you lies the sea of graves Steely stormy water stretch off the trees You come up to the horizon And spaced out evenly massive stone pillars rise up into the clouds Woah This is the first time I think most of you have seen the sea of graves at the very least for a long time Billie you've never seen the ocean before right I've never seen it You've never seen the ocean No it's so spooky What's spooky about it Billie All the pillars all the stones How far away are the pillars from the beach a few like two miles maybe oh I thought they were like right there no not right there I'm less scared now I mean you can still see them and they're still really big do things live up there are we spelt luring oh yeah sure yeah somebody give me a Spout Lore 2d6 plus intelligence eight all right on an eight with a Spout Lore I give you something interesting it's up to you to make it useful uh there are many stories about the pillars of the sea of graves some say that they rise up into the clouds and beyond that they just rise infinitely those people are stupid a lot of people do think that that's stupid yeah um but there are stories of things that make their homes at the top of the pillars past the cloud cover and some say that further in the pillars vary more widely in height and there are stories of ships uh being attacked from above by great beasts that nest at the top of the pillars or being uh dragged underneath by things that swarm out of the pillars as people are pretty uh wary of traveling within them the stories are hard to confirm yeah cool yeah the pillars are part of uh the the religion of the flame oh are they yeah okay yeah let's let's tell me a little bit about tuck's knowledge of the of the religion of the flame they say that the pillars are were created by the lord of the flame to trap a sea monster that lives underneath like a sea serpent like so it tangled them yeah in the pillars does tuck believe that uh yeah sure it's like it's like one of those things that like people always said when you're a kid is like hey don't go to the sea of graves or else like the world serpent will get you like it's like and then it's like it kind of just becomes like an idiom it's like hey world serpent will get you yeah if you're like getting too drunk at the festival they're like uh world serpent will get you and then it comes deep in the sea of graze and then it just becomes like an analogy for like bad fate or bad luck is like the world serpent druids believe that the beasts the great beasts on the top are are born of the runes that are carved by ancient druids oh are there runes on the on the pillars yeah some people that have gotten closer to the pillars have said that there are things carved on them yeah whoa yeah and there's uh meant to be a lord of beasts above on one of the pillars fuck yeah they kind of control control some of them they think cool that's that's one of the tales ancient tales does ving believe that ving uh yeah wants to believe it yes he doesn't believe much but he wants to believe a lot what is what has billy heard about the sea of graves pillars or the sea of graves in general the halflings believe that thunderbirds live above the sea of graves and they they create storms yeah oh maybe the thunderbirds are the reason for the storms in the sea of graves okay yep so I bet the halflings at home are probably really thinking about the thunderbirds right now with all their rivers topsy-turvy maybe the thunderbirds are angry with them for some reason yeah do they have do they do sacrifices sort of ritually kind of they can't they can't they can't sacrifice but they will offer their harvests to the waters any sort of yeah it's like I imagine it being like we can't kill an animal but like we'll leave like a bowl of milk or honey ear of corn and yeah yeah killing an ear of corn exactly drip over the yeah they get their beats and they do that and everyone's like whoa look all the blood flowing into the river it's just everyone's just like yeah pretending they're like that's fun or halflings think that we're halflings think that we're halflings think that we're halflings think that we're halflings think that we're all full of beet juice would billy ever take those offerings yeah he'd go back for sure no like when you were living there and hungry and like homeless like would you like yeah no especially because like usually the whole town would have to gather for a sacrifice over there yeah by the river and like you know families will talk for a bit and leave and then billy just waits it out and he goes into the river and eats whatever they threw in um um I saw somebody throw an ear of corn in there.

I'm going for it. Cool, yeah. And so that's what you're all thinking about when you see these massive pillars stretching off into the horizon. So do the halflings think that all waters are connected? Yep. So that's why they're like, oh, the storms in the Sea of Graves must be affecting the Wittershins and the Sunwise? Yeah. Cool. I love them. Yeah, I'm excited to get to the halfling lands. It's pretty sweet. But first, Beach Party Summer! Hashtag Hot Girl Summer. Hot Summer.

And Mears is just sitting next to you as you're all thinking about these stories that you've heard wide-eyed. I've never seen anything like this before. What have you heard about the Sea of Graves? Oh, it's spooky. It's all spooky stuff. I heard that if you die on the Sea of Graves, your ghost wanders all waterways for the rest of time. Whoa. I heard that the pillars are actually prisons that hold monsters.

I heard that there's one big whale that lives in the Sea of Graves and that every once in a while, somebody sees him. And if you see the whale, it means that you're going to be famous. Can you keep doing them as we're walking down? What? Yeah, there's a big whale. The Whale of Graves. It's going to make you famous? He makes you famous. If you see him, you become rich and famous. They say he's a chunk of one of the pillars that broke off. Yeah. Oh, that's cool. I'm going to tell people that.

He's made out of stone. He's a stone whale. That's pretty cool, huh? That's pretty cool. And he's just chattering away as you're riding down the coast. Wait, have you ever seen the ocean? No. Thing, have you? Not this ocean. I've seen the ocean, the frozen north. Oh, yeah. Part of it, but I haven't seen the Sea of Graves. Do you guys want to go in? Okay. Yeah. Do we? Do we have time? Well, I guess we're not on a schedule, are we? No. Is it dangerous? Is it? Is it? Parole.

Is this how we call him now? He has to get out of the bag now. Well, I'm just going to go in. I don't need anyone telling me which way and what or whatever. Going into danger without a plan. Let's go put our feet in the water. All right. Yeah. And you ride down to the beach. And what do we think the beach at the Sea of Graves looks like? Is the sand just sand colored sand? It's the same colors of pillars. Yeah. Cool. Cool. Yeah, because the pillars have been there for eons, potentially.

So the storms have worn the surfaces of the pillars and then sand will slough off and then go to the beach. All the beaches around that ocean are black. Sweet. Yeah. Yeah. And as you get closer to the coast, the land clears out. It gets pretty flat as you get closer to the water. And then it's just… Yeah. The blue grass. Blue grass. Yeah. There's blue grasses. Yeah. There's a dude sitting on the edge just playing a banjo. Yeah. Yeah. The blue grass.

The blue grasses give way to black sand beaches. And there's just black sand stretching along the coast on either side for miles and miles. Are we alone or are there other travelers? There's a couple people here and there, but not many. They're not fucking Panusians, are they? Yeah. I'm going to beat their asses. Yeah. I like that we're all racist now. Now we're all areas. No Panusians. Just travelers, like regular people. And there's a town a little bit further down the coast.

So you think some of them are just villagers. Oh, cool. Yeah. Oh. I'm running in the water. I will also run in the water, but at a much slower pace. I run in the water, but I've taken my loincloth off, so I'm completely… Of course. Billy covers his eyes. He keeps running. Runs into the ocean. Billy's running with his hands over his eyes. Yeah. Slowly running. And Mears is hustling along behind very trepidatiously. And you're all just kind of kicking it. And the water now? Yeah.

It tastes weird. Yeah. Where's the water like? I think it moves not just like regular waves. Like it doesn't just move like a tide, like pushing you against the shore. It kind of tugs you around in different directions. Like there's weird like cross currents and stuff? Even close to the shore. It's like you're being pushed towards the shore, pulled away side to side, kind of around. Like it feels like you're feeling multiple currents and tides at once. Like it's not responding to the wind? No.

Whoa. Yeah. Cool. And you have a very weird, when you look at the pillars this close, especially when you're touching the water, you get this kind of weird numb feeling almost. Like some part of your mind is smoothed away. Bing puts his head under and breathes deep through his gills. Whoa. So cool. It's been a while since he's soaked up. And new waters allows him to study the essence a little bit more. Oh my God. Oh. Oh. Oh. So he's. Getting in that. So what. Yeah.

What form is Bing looking to be able to take? He's not. He's just. He just wants to commune with the sea of graves. I think he's just about getting vibes these days. Look at the danger room. Yeah. Trying to pick things up. So he's just breathing it in and seeing what it feels like. And it feels very ancient. Oh. Yeah. Oh yeah. What do you. Yeah. What do you. Like is there anything that Bing is trying to accomplish or is it just a vibe? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Bing is. Would love to see one of the Thunderbirds. He would love to see one and possibly meet the Lord of all Thunderbirds. It's fucking sick. Yeah. It's fucking sick. It is very cool. I'm trying to see if I can have a better sense of where the Lord of the Thunderbirds is in the sea of graves. That's what I'm asking of the. So. So. Basically. Communing with the sea of graves to get information. Yeah. Yeah. Of some kind. That sounds like a communion of whispers.

So could you give me a 2D6 plus wisdom? Okay. Communion of whispers with the sea of graves in my gills. Oh yeah. Seven. On a seven to nine. The vision is unclear meaning murky. Sorry. The vision is unclear. It's meaning murky. The vision is unclear, which means murky. So the water is like a murky kind of like a, kind of like a little shitty, like a little like brown and stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's like a little brown and stuff.

And then you look over, you realize Billy still has diarrhea. It's in my gills. It's in my gills. He's washing it off. Yeah. Billy's cleaning himself in the sea. That's so funny. Like we're like, we're like kind of like splashing around and we look over and Billy's like 20 feet away and he's like, God is wet. You know that thing where kids like dunk their butts in the water and he's like looking into the distance and we're like, Billy, are you taking a shit? No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. But he doesn't count on the weird tides here. So it's just like, like an oopy ball of poop coming towards us. Poopy, oopy. And the cloud of the diarrhea, thanks to the strange currents, forms symbols of strange meaning. Billy is surrounded by runes, a ring forms, and a light pours from the circle and disappears. Billy, you need less iron. I'm sorry. I do like the idea that that's a thing. I'm sorry. I do like the idea that that did happen.

Billy had wicked diarrhea and then like you just saw a bunch of runes, but because he can't read, he's like, weird. Oh yeah, that's a little trippy, man. Well, I'm going to go. Hey, that one looks like a dog. See ya. See ya, poopsie. Yeah, I'd cry with that. You can make cartoons out of your shit. Yeah. It's like child's play. Like Alpha Getty or Dunkaroos. Don't eat your poops. Bye. Dunkaroos is a good name for shitting. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Dunkaroos. Yeah.

Got to go Dunkaroo. Yeah. And we're just like, Billy, you can't shit in the ocean. Why? It's then I'm clean too. I know, but there's other people in here. You're like, but I'm clean. And we're all like knees down in poop. Yeah, you're clean, pal. I mean, keep in mind, the Thunderbirds are a myth. Yes. As far as Ving's concerned. He's never even seen one. He's trying to see if it maybe isn't. But you open your side. You're like, I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't.

I can't. I can't. I'm just trying to see if it maybe isn't. But you open yourself up to the spirits in the Sea of Graves and you feel this ancient weight. The spirits here are ancient and knowledgeable and their essence is heavy with the wisdom of ages. It's kind of acting like a bit of an antidepressant for Ving at this moment. He needed this. Yeah. It's like a rebirth for his depression. Cool. Right. Because he spent so many days contemplating. He's like, I'm going to die. I'm going to die.

I'm going to die. I'm going to die. There's a woman. Since he left the spiritual world. And your eyes cloud over with this vision that the ocean bestows on you. And you are flying. You see the pillars. You're soaring in between them. Your mighty wing beats pounding against the currents of the air and the cloud. And you tip up and you start flapping through the cloud cover and just iron gray clouds all around you.

And just before you crest the top of the cloud cover, your vision returns to normal. Heading through thick cloud and you can see it being light. Just about to break through the light of the cloud. Damn. Yeah. But something Ving is pretty certain of now at least is Thunderbirds are real, at the very least. Or the spirits, at the Sea of Graves, were trying to trick you, but you don't think they'd do that. Whatever. Trick away. That was awesome. Guys, I tripped hard. Yeah, that is kind of the vibe.

It's that Ving just got high. And I'm dancing back. I'm like, Thunderbirds are real. Splashing, splashing. Thunderbirds are real. Thunderbirds are real. He's so excited and dancing around in circles. We have no idea what you're talking about. I'll do the same. Always get in. Thunderbirds. Thunderbirds are real. I saw them. Billy's just flapping around saying, Thunderbirds are real. Thunderbirds are real. Yeah. And he asked what they look like. I couldn't see. I was the Thunderbird. Whoa. Yeah.

Billy has a new respect for Ving. It's a new bond. Erase it. Billy has a new respect for Ving. No, we'll do that next time. What did Tuck want to know? So I wanted to kind of like, because I know Billy is magic, right? And one of the things that Tuck is concerned with now is like being like, oh, it's like Billy's magic. I'm going to kill him. Remember? Whereas like, Perel's like, I don't know what the effects are going to be.

So I kind of just wanted to like, as we're at the beach, like close to the Sea of Graves, I wanted to see if like the water or the beach or anything is responding in a strange way to Billy. Yeah. Or if like his presence here is like changing something. So do we get, we get Perel out, right? Would we use Perel for this? Or would I just, do a, you could do a discern realities. Yeah. Yeah, sure. Yeah. We could do a discern realities. I think Jessica is going to give you some answers though.

Oh yeah. Sure. I'll do my best. So yeah. All right. 2d6 plus wisdom. Whoa. Damn. What's my wisdom? It doesn't matter. Plus one, 12. I got 12. So you get three questions from the discern realities list. Sick. So three. Ugh. Whoa. So it's two hang loose hands and a tongue on the microphone. And you know, it makes sense that you get a, a 12 on this. You're basically just watching your kid play at the beach. Yeah. And you're like, what's he doing? Yeah. I'm like, I'm standing on the beach.

I was like, that's great. And then I noticed that he's shitting. I'm like, Billy, don't do that. I'm not. He keeps doing. Every once in a while, like I'll see him walk. And then like, I'll see him look around surreptitiously. And then slowly. Dunk. Like, Billy, just don't do that. Get it out. But it's like a netty pot for his butt. Just get it out of your pal. That's what big is. Yeah. Just let him let him. He needs to. Billy's going to anyway. Yeah, exactly.

Figured I were on the shore watching mirrors and Billy. It's just like, no. Yeah. Yeah. Mears is, he took his boots off and he rolled his pants up to like mid calf. So he can walk in the water. And every time, he sees Billy. He goes, ah, and he does that. Like slap, slap, slap, slap, slap. As he's like kicking up high above the water to run away. Yeah. Also mirrors is very excited to be swimming around. Cause he used to love swimming. And then he lost his arm and he hasn't been able to swim.

Yeah. His arm. And he's trying to get, he's still, he's still having a little bit of trouble. You can see, cause he's swimming with a limb that's made out of metal and wood. Yeah. So he's like, well, I could dive better. I can dive better, but it's hard coming back. Back up. That's for sure. You get three questions off the discern realities list. So yeah. What happened here recently? What is it about? I'm not kidding. Abdul, pay attention, please. What? This isn't even me. Is it? Yes. Oh yeah.

I succeeded in the role. Let's move on. Oh my God. Okay. So just so we understand the situation, Jessica is going to be giving you answers to these discern reality questions because it's what Billy's doing at the beach. And if the, the beach is reacting to him at all. Okay. Okay. And I'm just going to roll with whatever answers Jessica gives. Cool. So what happened here recently? What is about to happen? What should I be on the lookout for? What here is useful or valuable to me?

Who's really in control here? What here is not what it appears to be. Now, not all of these necessarily have to apply to Billy. Cause the beaches on the sea of graves are sort of well known for having a lot of weird detritus wash up. Cause there are so many ships that crash in the pillars that, that people find interesting things on the beach. Uh, so that might come into play, but there's no something actually that you notice is there's no driftwood like zero driftwood. Huh? Yeah. That's weird.

It is weird. And the trees stop long before they get to the beach, but you'd think that wood would wash up at some point from somewhere. Yeah, but it don't. Huh? Yeah. I guess I am kind of just doing a general discern realities about this area. Yeah. And also being like, is Billy okay? He keeps having diarrhea in the ocean. Um, can actually, can we do, can we do a thing where I asked Billy two of the questions and Perel one question? Sure. Yeah. Yeah. So I've like, kind of like set up the tent.

Yeah. As Billy's been playing in the ocean and like, I've just like, it's just, yeah. And you've been learning to set it up in a way that's not overly suspicious. So it's not just like a fanny pack. That's the size of like a pocket book that whips out into a huge tent. You set it up and it kind of just looks like a regular tent. Okay. Cause I mean, it's a magical artifact and those don't really exist. So you don't, you don't want to draw too much attention. And there's other people on the beach.

Yeah. There's a couple of people here and there and on the roads and stuff like that. So you just want to be kind of, kind of careful. So just don't drag your like enormous pig into your tent in front of people. Oh, right. Francis is there too. Yeah. Francis is, he's padded up to the edge of the water. He doesn't like it though. Cause it's, it's saltwater. He doesn't want to go in saltwater. Poor Francis. And he's getting kind of warm cause it's sunny on the beach and he's covered in hair.

Billy's getting warm too. Is it warm? I imagine it being like, kind of like, cause the storms, like it being kind of, is it, I guess I imagine it being really windy. Uh, but it could be hot wind. Yeah. Sand holds that heat. Oh, cause it's black sand. Yeah. Super hot. So it's like just super hot wind coming off of the waves. So Francis went down onto the beach and padded around a little bit and was like, and then walked back up to the grass. Like he doesn't even want to be on the sand.

Things set up the vestibule for people who want shade. Oh, the tent. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. The, yeah, cool. Then Francis is like nosing at the, the opening of the tent. I'm sitting there. I'm like, no, stay out. He's trying to push, but he's really strong. Yeah. He's like trying to push past you. I'm like smacking his cheeks. I'm like, no, I'll put you in the danger room. Slapping his cheeks. Like, no, stay back. And he's like, oh man, I love this stupid pig. Uh, okay. Yeah.

So that's, what's going on right now. Um, yeah. So I'm, I guess I'm sitting in the, uh, stabula of the tent. Uh, and is Perel, Perel's inside. Yeah. He'll be inside. Yeah. So I look, I look at Billy playing in the waves and I'm just like watching him for anything. Mm. That is an indication of like something strange with his abilities. Mm. So I'm just like, what should I be on the lookout for? So what's Billy doing right now? Uh, Billy's, uh, done shitting and he's just, he's waiting.

He's just waiting around to try to clean himself off. What? And how do we think that Billy's, uh, natural magic might be interacting with the strange waters of the sea of graves? Um, well, the water, he wants to see what's under the water. So there's like light coming out of his hands and like, there's a little glow in the water. It reflects off some like little stones in there, like sea glass. Oh, phosphorescent. Yeah. And he's picking them up.

Oh, so he's trying to pick up sea glass at the bottom and to make it easier. He's brightening the water around his hands. He doesn't usually do this. No, he did it in the pool. He was able to cast that magic beam using the crystal. Cause the water of the pool was like letting him do that, right? The water and the crystal. It makes it easier. And the crystal, the, maybe the sea glass is little bits of crystal. Yeah, maybe, but the water is making it easier for him. Oh, okay. Yeah.

He's doing, he's doing just, just a bit more magic than he's usually able to. Okay. Yeah. Cause Billy can't do the light very easily without it. So is there like magic in the water then? No, I think the water just strengthens what I have. Cause I feel comfortable in the water. What? Yeah. What does it feel like when you go, do you feel like stronger or do you feel, I just feel comfortable like, cause it's hot out there. And so, but the water is like not as hot. It feels like a warm bath. Uh huh.

And so he's just cozy. Nice. I mean, that makes sense if, if, especially if Billy's all about comfort, like the fact that whenever he's more comfortable, he's better at magic. Yeah. Is the water warm to me? Probably not as warm. Like it's a deep old ocean. Yeah. The water's always perfect for Billy. Yeah. It's always like Goldilocks temperature. So like Billy is splashing around in it. Like there's nothing. And then I go to the edge and I'm like, Oh yeah. Yeah. It's cold. Yeah. It's chilly.

No, it's not. It's good. Warm. It feels like a nice little tub. Okay. Rub a dub tub in the tub of love. Rub a dub tub in the tub of love. He's just on his back, kicking around, like singing to himself. Jingling. Yeah. That was like a motel that we passed a little while back. The tub of love. Yeah. It said rub a dub tub in the tub of love. And Bing was trying to help him read. He was like trying to teach him how to, and he's like, okay, read that sign.

And Billy's like, uh, rub a dub tub in the tub of love. And Billy has not stopped saying it for like three days. Rub a dub tub in the tub of love. It is driving us fucking crazy. It's driving us insane. It's a pretty good earworm though. Bing has it too. That's so fucking funny. Rub a dub dub in the tub of love. For three days, Billy's just been like, rub a dub dub in the tub of love. People are like, you gotta stop saying that. You have to stop saying that, Billy. Fuck.

Are you talking to Perel about this kind of stuff? Yeah, I guess we're kind of just sitting in the vestibule. Yeah. And Perel is watching Billy do this, like lighting up the water and pulling things out of it. And he asks you when you fought the water monster that killed Bing, Billy, uh, exhibited some pretty intense magical ability in the pool. Correct? Yeah. He made like a magic beam of like something to kill that dick monster. And he had, he had those crystals with him. Yeah.

He had the, I think he, yeah, he had the crystal with him and he was capable of similar magic in the spirit world, which is a whole conversation unto itself that I would not even try to have, uh, with somebody as little with his little magical knowledge as you. Are you fucking serious? It's an academic thing. I literally broke you out of an unbreakable prison. Are you fucking talking down to me right now? I'm not talking down to you.

I'm just saying that if I need to talk to somebody about smash, smashing something, I'll absolutely come to you. The neck beard of this guy. Fucking shit. I feel like you're maybe taking this the wrong way. Like if he with us right now, I don't know. Yeah. What? He's in the sun just outside. Yeah. Just setting himself next to Francis. Yeah. Um, he's like, I, I look, I didn't mean any of it. Anyways, the point is, is that with the crystals, Billy seems capable of much more versatile magic.

Also, it seems like in the water, he, he's, yeah. Yes. Uh, this is something that maybe I want to pursue with Billy, with your blessing, of course. Yeah. I mean, we trust you because our magic might not be as dissimilar as I thought at first. The energy of wizards, the Thalmic energy is just a, it's a fuel source that we can use to power frog people. We got it. Yeah. We know your amazing magical abilities of making angry frogs. Yeah. Your whole thing is like, Oh, look at me. I built a frog.

Doesn't feel good. Does it, Peral being talked down to? Just watch your two dude. Rub a dub, dub in the tub. It's just something that I think that maybe we should pursue because the, yeah, the Thalmic energy fields that wizards have can be used to power big frogs, uh, amongst other things. Whereas, uh, young Billy's more innate fairy magic allows him to affect the natural world.

And the, in ways that he finds enjoyable, but he might be able to use it for other things with the proper training and the proper tools. Well, the question I'm using is what, here's not what it appears to be. And I guess that one's for, for that one's probably for Perel. So he's like, so the crystals were destroyed following your return from the spirit world, right? Oh yeah.

We don't have any of them anymore, but Billy's capable of similar, the less powerful versions of the magic that he was capable of with the crystals. So what, what has he acquired recently that might be making this easier for him? Oh, the ring Chamberlain's ring. Oh, and Perel like kind of rubs his chin, like, Hmm, not, uh, sarcastically, but he's like, cause it seems sarcastic. He goes, Oh really? The ring. You think, but he says, you know, Chamberlain was made of magically resonant glass.

That could be, part of this puzzle. The glass that Billy's carries with him could be making magic easier and being on vacation. Nice and relaxed, extreme emotion of some kind, whether it be contentment or a fear for the lives of his loved ones seems to be the key. Yeah. And then the last one is, uh, for Billy, who's really in control here. I am. I mean, yeah, that's a fine answer, right? Like it's like, there's no outside force. Exerting on Billy. Like Billy's just coming into his own.

That's totally what I, what I'm worried about is like, cause the, with what happened in the pool, it was like an uncontrolled force. I guess that element of control is something that I'm worried about with Billy is like, is magic able to control him and make him something else? Or is he in control of it? And he just looks so fancy free, like kicking it in the beach. Like he can turn off the light. He can turn it back on. Beep, beep, boop. I see him doing that.

Where he's just like, yeah, cause he's like, I think I see a big shell. There's an even bigger glass. So he drops the smaller glass and gets the bigger glass. As he's reaching out to the glass, all the other glasses collected has fallen out of his hands and he doesn't even think about it. He's just like, Oh, big one. Uh, and Perel at watching Billy does that. He does mention magic is not a common thing anymore and it's something that people don't trust. So.

Maybe have a conversation with Billy about being a little more subtle with his magical abilities. Hmm. Maybe you have, have that conversation. Yeah. We leave the magic talk up to you. Yeah. Hmm. We don't like to discipline our Billy. Yeah. Very much. We have like kind of a free range parenting model where we let him do his thing. You see him pooping in the ocean. Yeah. Yeah. You've got a real Montessori style rearing technique. And then we yelled to Billy. Great job, bud. Thank you.

I'm done now. You want to come out? Do you want a cheese sandwich? Yes, please. I, um, I've so, wow, it's so hot here. The ground. Ah, get in the tent. And he just waddles up and mirrors heads in after him. Like I'll make some lunch. And that's how you pass the next couple hours is making food. And then gathers up some of the sea, grave sand and water in a jar. Jesus. Hell yeah. He's like a scientist. Yeah. And now he's got unlimited liminal energy. Yeah. Yeah.

He's got a whole space to keep Mason jars in. And he's excited about that. Yeah. Oh, uh, has anybody, do you guys want to maybe explore, try and explore the fanny pack anymore? No. Are you just happy with the way that it's too beautiful? Yeah. This Perel asks us that literally every time we're in there. Yeah. I've been, uh, I've been thinking maybe we could try and deal with the danger room scenario. Blah, blah, blah. You can do it if you want, but I took a good look. Eh. I'm just kidding.

I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm not touching that danger room. Very well. We'll keep sleeping on Shay's lounges then. Cool. Wonderful. I love being back in the physical world and sleeping on a small couch. And so you guys have lunch and. Spoiled brat. What a piece of shit. It's like we're living with like, A prince. Yeah. Like a French aristocrat. Yeah. That's exactly what I was going to say. Or like he used to know the prince.

I used to know the prince, you know. Yeah. He's like an old, he's like a boy. Yeah. He's like a butler almost. Like a fancy butler that likes to talk it down to regular people. I'm sleeping in a drawer of dishes. I didn't know there was dishes in there. I figured at least tablecloths. There's tablecloths, but he also did put a few cups and bowls in there. Some forks. He put dishes in there? Yeah, he did. To sleep on? No. Well, he just like, anything he has or uses, he leaves in there. Yeah.

Yeah. There's a bunch of like used plates in there that he won't let. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And you pack up later on and you continue down the road. Is there any shops along the beach? I want to pick up some stuff. Oh, what are you looking to pick up?

I want to buy some more poultices and herbs. You guys want to do a shopping? Okay. You said there was a town a little way down the road. Yeah, okay. A small little beach shantytown. Yeah, you camp out. You basically get there at the end of the day and you camp outside. Is that what you've kind of been doing lately now that you have the tent? Yeah, any kind of area that's sort of off the road that we won't be disturbed in. Yeah.

So you do that at night and the next morning you get to a small town named… Little Sir. Little Sir. And there's a painting next to the sign that says Little Sir that's like a little cat with a hat on. And it's kind of… It's waving hello. What kind of hat? Like a bowler hat. It's a little cat with a bowler hat. He's like… Black and white striped. And he's waving. Oh, like this guy. Who's this? No, that's on the sign. I know. Who's this? Do you ask somebody? Yeah. Who are you asking? Us.

You guys, do you know who this little… Is this the mascot that says? Is this the mayor? I think that's its name. I just point to Little Sir. Little Sir. So has Billy been learning to read? No, I don't know what it says. I just assume… That the words next to the cat are the cat's name. Who's this Little Sir? And somebody passing by has like a bundle of firewood. And they're like, well, that's the town mayor. Holy shit. Oh, my God. Little Sir. The mayor of Little Sir. Come on in.

Take us to him. And he's like, well, I mean, you'll find him in City Hall. Why is our first move to always talk to the mayor of whatever town we're in? That's not a normal thing for travelers. Hey, where's your mayor? Hey, we need to talk to your mayor. We're mercenaries. Why? I don't know. We're just kind of drifting through. It sort of seems to work out for us. But there are various shops. There are shops opening in Little Sir. And there's townspeople moving about.

It's got like a real beach town kind of vibe. Because the sand, like it goes right down to the beach. Some people live on the beach. Some people live on the grass. It's not huge. Is the town mostly like kind of a tourist town? Yeah, it seems that way. This time of year. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you're not really sure what the industry would be. Because there's no trees that close by. Are the monsoons? Still happening? Are we still in monsoons? No, monsoon season is sort of past. Okay.

Well, the monsoon time has passed like for this chunk. Okay. Yeah. There's a lot of artisans who make glass. They melt down the sand, the black sand. They make black glass stuff. Oh, cool. Yeah, there we go. It's a glass blowing town. Yeah. Yeah. That's their main industry. Does black glass use this sand? I think Paul, at least when we talked about black glass, was talking about how it's called that because they use a lot of obsidian. Yeah. From the like thermal volcanoes and stuff like that.

Okay. But that's… This stuff. But there's also black sand and the black sand makes black glass. Yeah. Yeah. Does it make obsidian? It doesn't make obsidian obsidian, but it makes black glass that is very strong. It's like… Yeah. It's like a false obsidian. Yeah. It's like a man-made obsidian. Cool. So you see a lot of like glass bottles hanging from doorways and pipes and jars and stuff like that. Mostly bongs. Mostly huge bongs. So everybody's got a real like, what's cracking, bro?

Everybody's pretty chilled out. Yeah. Pipe leaf isn't legal here, but it's decriminalized. And pretty much everybody sells it. Yeah. It smells stinky. Smells like old Bill's house. Yeah. Old Bill. Yeah. Wasn't that the name of the guy that looked after Billy? Yeah. Yeah. That tracks, I guess. The kind of guy that would just pick up a magic kit in the woods and adopt him is a stoner. Totally. Yeah. So what's your plan? There's like stores opening. How much are poultices and herbs?

They go to the herb store. There is an herbalist. Okay. And they are open. What's your name? My name? Brody. Brody? Yeah. You guys looking for some herb? We'll just poultices. Oh, you just need like healing herb? Yeah. Sick. Tight. We got that. Cool. For sure. Can I have four? Four poultice? Please. So how poultice? I'm looking at the dungeon. Yes. I'm looking at the dungeon. I'm looking at the dungeon gear sheet right here.

And it'll be normal price because they have access to all the stuff that they need for it. Let's see. It gets two uses per and there are 10 coins each because it's just like big bundles of herbs and jars and stuff. Is this economy? It sounds like it's a shit ton of herbs because it's one weight as well. Oh, you guys cool with this? Yeah. I'll buy four. Yeah. Just throw it in the cart. We have 400 coins. It's kind of like you just bought a brick of hash. Yeah. Yeah. Brody.

Brody comes out with like a bail. Hey, here you go. Smells like skunk cabbage. This is some of the dankest healing herbs that you will ever need. Okay. Thanks, bro. You can really get fucked up in a pinch. No, I don't need to. Okay. This is sort of for the office. Yeah. Okay. You guys like to party? This is a fucking kid. I'm not talking to the kid, bro. I'm talking to you, bro. Talking near the kid. Okay. Hey, kid. Turn around. Okay. Hey. You guys like to fucking party? No, we're good.

All right. We're okay. Well, if you do like to party, you come find your bud bro. I'll take one. All right. Does he buy acid off of him? No, he gives you halfling pipe leaf. Nice. It's five coins. You get six uses. Oh, fine. Cool. The last time we smoked weed was in that mayor's house in Mudlark. Brody's like, don't smoke weed in this mayor's house. I'll tell you that much. He's so small. It affects him real bad. We're not allowed to smoke in the mayor's house anymore. Hey, Brody.

Yeah, little guy. What's this? That is… This is what you do to us all the time, by the way. That's true. Oh, that is an all black glass rendition of my girlfriend, Viola. Yeah, it's like abstract. And you can smoke out of it. No, thanks. Hey, Brody, what's this? That, like, look at it. That's a home… You guys ever heard of Tetherball? Oh, yeah. It's like a tight game from somewhere. They played in black glass. Huh. Oh.

And that's like a little, like, home version of the glass figurine that you have to smash. Oh, cool. They're really hard to smash, though, because the black glass is so strong. Can I… What do you do when you're looking around? You look around. Discern realities? Yeah, I try to discern realities. About what? I don't know. I just want to take something. I want to have something, because I'm jealous. Are you going to steal something? Yeah, because I'm jealous that Brody excluded me.

So when he made you go over to somewhere else, you stole something? I'm looking at all the other things. Oh, you know what's great? What? Because this is an herbalist, so there's probably some tight poisons in here. Sweet. Yeah. I go to the aisle that has, like, the skull face with the X's on it. Oh. And I'm like, Brody can't tell me what to do. I'm going to take… I'm going to get some dank weed, too.

I feel like since you're just in a store looking around, you don't really have to roll discern realities. Okay. You can comfortably get the four poisons that are on this list. Cool. But you're going to have to roll the steel one. That's for sure. I'm going to steal oil of Taggett. Oil of Taggett? Oh, cool. Cool. So oil of Taggett is a poison that makes… Makes the target fall into a light sleep. Oh, cool. Okay. So you're going to roll, what? Tricks of the trade, probably?

Because that's your, like, stealing shit move? Sure. Cool. Do it. 2d6 plus dexterity. I only got five. So Billy is rummaging. Everything's in jars, glass jars. And the most deadliest one is, like, an inch out of his reach. Oh, no. The most dangerous one is an inch out of his reach? Yeah. But he's going for oil of Taggett? Yeah. So you grab this jar, and you pick it up, and you tip it back without thinking, and the lid comes off, and you just pour all this oil right on your face. And some…

It gets in your nose and your mouth and stuff like that. And you're just like… And then you are asleep. Oh, no. Like, you hear, like, a crash, and Billy's… You come around the aisle, and Billy's just lying on the floor covered in oil, dead asleep. What's happening? He looks dead. What is this? Oh. Oh, no. And he, like, Brody runs up. And he gets really close to the super dangerous poison that was right next to oil of Taggett. And he's like, oh, okay. That's great. What's great?

What the fuck is happening right now? He's… Cool out, man. Cool out. He's not dead. He's not dead. I can tell he's breathing, you idiot. What is happening to our friend? He is merely super fucking asleep. Like, way asleep. How long is he going to be asleep for? Well, I mean, one drop will usually knock somebody out for, like, 15 minutes. And he poured, like, a liter on his whole shit. Wow. So, hmm. That's not great. He's going to be asleep for a while, is what you're saying.

He could be asleep for… I don't know. I've never seen anybody take this much. He could be asleep… Oh, no. It's usually a thing that you do if you, like, have trouble sleeping. You put, like, a little bit in some tea. This is, like, the worst possible… Like, medical situation where the medical practitioner's like, I don't know. I've never seen this before. Yeah. Doctor, what's wrong with me? You know, I've taken some time to look at it, and I've come to the conclusion, fuck if I know.

And Brody's like, the good news is I've probably got some shit that can get him out of this pretty quick. The bad news is… And he starts doing that thing where he rubs his thumb on his forefinger. Just to… Tell us how much it costs. I mean, I could get in a lot of trouble, too. Stop dragging it out. Oh, my God. Just say the number that you're thinking of. 100 coins. Okay. How about this? I'll beat the shit out of you, or you get him out of this. Oh, yeah?

You're gonna beat the shit out of me? Yes. Okay, which one is it? Where is it? Where is the one that'll wake him up? Why would I tell you that? That was a good try, though. What kind of negotiation is that, bro? I said 100 coins, and you said, how about you just tell me how to do it? Hey, don't look at where it is. His eyes are wide. His pupils are, like, vibrating in his head. Is Mears just somewhere else? Mears saw a cooking supply store.

He saw, like, a little market, and he's like, oh, I'm gonna go get some stuff for dinner. This is gonna be great. Can we cut to Mears for a second? What's happening with him? Mears is, like, looking at bell peppers, going like… He's just, like, squeezing peppers and sniffing them, like… He's saying that… Yeah, he's saying that… He's got two… Yeah, he's got an orange pepper and a red pepper, and he's slowly moving them together. And he throws them in a basket.

Is he pretending that one of them's Cam and the other's him? And he goes, yeah, he goes, and then he waits for a second. He thinks for a second. He goes… And he says, I told you I'd see you again. Yeah, yeah. He makes him kiss and goes, I told you I'd see you first. And then he, like, he looks at the… There's, like, a big older lady standing behind the counter looking at him, like, you okay? But she's got the look in her eye, like, mm, you got a little lover back home, huh?

And he blushes, and he throws the peppers in the thing, and he runs down another aisle. Cut back to… I'll fucking destroy your store and kill you if you don't get rid of this thing. Yeah? Well, guess what? I believe that you would do that. Yeah, and I have the axe in my hand, right? Well, think about this. If you fucking kill me, he'll be asleep forever. Okay, can I roll to intimidate him? Yeah, of course. Yeah. He's not just gonna be like, okay, fine. So it's probably defy danger charisma?

Or a parlay, I guess? What about war cry? When you enter the battle with a show of force? No. No? Okay. That'd be like, if you were outside town, you're like, I'm gonna beat the shit out of Brody. And you kicked in the door, and you were like, Brody! But this is more like, I'm gonna kill you. It's unfortunate, because the fighter does have a move called intimidate that would be very useful for Tuck. What about my love for you is like a truck? When you perform a…

A feat of strength, name someone present whom you have impressed, and take plus one forward to parlay with them. Yeah. So you gotta do something fucking nuts. Okay. And you're gonna have to roll for it. It's gonna be a defy danger strength. But you gotta… No, don't just roll. Tell me what you're doing. It's a feat of strength? Yeah. Okay, here's what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna walk outside and pick up Francis and walk inside and be like, I'm gonna fucking throw this pig at your fucking store if you… I'm gonna throw this pig outside the door. Yeah, you can't get inside with Francis. So you're gonna be standing on the street. Brody! I'm gonna throw this fucking pig. I'm doing this on the street. I'm yelling into the store. Okay, okay, okay, okay. But you gotta roll for it. You gotta roll for it. Okay. Eight plus two is ten. There's the boy.

There's the strong boy. So what, you just go up to Francis, get underneath him, and heft him over your shoulders? Yeah, pick him up. This is… Insane to watch. Yeah. Because, I mean, Tuck is a monster person. Like, he's seven feet tall, five feet wide, but he literally just picked up a hippopotamus. Just cords… The cords of his muscles are bulging. Veins are popping out all over his body. Yeah. And you're screaming in exertion. Yeah. And I'm like… The name Brody. Brody!

You're gonna have to have an accident! Have to. And I say that to myself. Yeah, have to. Because I'm not good at thinking… Of this kind of stuff on the fly. Yeah. Or maybe you will! For sure! If Billy doesn't wake up in the next ten seconds! And Brody's like, what are you gonna do? Wait, did he just ask, what are you gonna do? Yeah. When I had a pig over my head? He literally said, you're gonna have to have an accident, or maybe you will for sure.

Like, he doesn't understand what your threat is. It's gonna be bad! So I have to roll the parlay now, right? Yeah. Because that was… So parlay, 2d6 plus charisma, and the leverage is, I'm gonna throw this big ass pig at your stupid store. So roll, yeah, roll the parlay, 2d6 plus charisma. You get a plus one. Five. So that's six. Plus charisma… Is two. So that's… Seven. Eight. Eight. Sorry, yeah. Okay, yeah. He looks back at you, Vang, because you stayed in the store, I assume.

Yeah, I'm with Billo. Well, Tuck went and did his insane shit. He's like, is he gonna throw that big pig at my store? I don't know on purpose, but it looks like you might be having an axe wind in. I can't have people throwing pigs in my store. I'm already on such thin ice with Lil Sur. He does what he does. He's just worried about his friend. Look, I just… Can you give it to us for a cost? I mean, yeah, I gotta replace the oil, right? Your little… Fibering at the front door. Oh, there's…

It's really hard to keep this up for this long. Francis is kicking his legs. I'm smacking it and I'm like, fucking stop it. Stop moving around. Go rigid. He's like, okay, okay, okay. That was a lot of oil. You understand that? Yes. That's a lot of pig out there. I just like… And I don't wanna… I could lose my license for giving a bunch of oil at Taggett to a little kid. Sure. Okay. We can keep it on the DL. Okay.

So if you don't tell anybody and your friend gets the fuck out of here with that big ass pig, what is that thing even? Francis is a woolly pig? I mean, he looks pretty sick. I'm gonna look up woolly pigs later. Right here, buddy. Right here. Okay, look. Here's what you gotta do. And from outside I'm like, they're also called Meyerhawks. That's a great name. Okay, here's what I'm gonna do for you. You take the kid. Yeah. Give me 20 coins. Okay. And just give him…

Get him to chew on some of that. That pipe leaf that I gave you. Okay. Yes. Here. Thank you. 20 coins. Okay, get out of here. You get out of here, you little scamp. Just get out of here, man. I'm freaking out. Tell that guy to get that pig out of here. Hey, get your pig out of here, bro. I don't know what's happening. Did we reach a deal or something? We got a pretty good discount, bud. You can put Francis down. What was the discount? Down to 20. Okay, that's pretty reasonable.

And then I would just walk down the street with Francis. And yeah, you just grab Billy and drag him out of there? Yeah. When we get back to the tent, Ving is wringing out Billy's clothes and getting some of that oil of Taggart. Oh, yeah. I guess he… Nice. So that he actually did get some. Yeah, that's true. So Billy has some oil of Taggart now. Three uses. Sick. Because he poured a liter on himself. So there was a little bit left over. Is Billy having any dreams right now?

That's a great question. What's Billy dreaming about? Billy is back on… On the farm. He just finished eating a storage of yams. A storage of yams? It's not a big storage. It was just like a crate. A small crate. Just a small crate of yams. But it's like nearing the end of the spring. So there's not a lot of yams left. But he ate them all. And Billy knows he's in Trubb's. Because they weren't even… They weren't even old Bill's yams. They were someone else's yams.

So he's hiding behind one of the grain silos. Because one leg Bill is screaming out. Because he saw that his yams are all eaten up. And he's like, I know it's you, fat Billy. You can't hide from me that long. And Billy is going to piss himself. And then that's when the grain silo… It just sets on fire. Oh, whoa. So like a little Tinder stuff? Starts next to Billy. And Billy's like, oh no, oh no. And so he starts blowing on it. Trying to blow it out. But it gets bigger. And he's like, oh no.

And then he starts fanning at it to make it go away. It just goes up the legs of the grain silo. And he's like, oh shit. And then you see like around the corner of the barn. On your side of the grain silo. One leg Bill pads around with his tiny little leg. And he sees it burning. And he goes, Billy, what did you do? Yeah, he looks at me in the eyes across the flames. And I'm like, this was an accident. I'm so sorry. And I start spitting on it. But it's not enough.

And then you see the face of skinny Bill. And he goes, what did you do? And you see the face of old Bill. And he looks sad. He said, what did you do? Yeah. And then… Fancy Bill. Fancy Bill, who's got a monocle and a top hat. Short Bill. What did you do? And short Bill's like, what did you do? And like the ladies too. Like Fancy Bill. Fancy Bill-o-mina. And regular Bill-o-mina. Two-legged Bill-o-mina. So Billy's just surrounded by these faces of, what did you do? What did you do?

What did you do? And that's when you start coming to. And you're looking up into the face of your good friend thing. There's a big ball of leaves in your mouth. He like starts to cough them all out. He's got a little bit of tears in his eyes. And you wipe them away. Yeah. Because I'm a strong boy. What'd you do? Huh? What's going on? I don't know. Nothing. How do you feel? What did I do? You poured a bunch of shit in your face and made you fall asleep. I'm sorry. That's okay.

You guys weren't supposed to see that. You guys weren't supposed to see that. I'm sorry that I stole, but in my defense, you weren't supposed to know. Yeah. In my defense, I wanted it. Okay. And that's where we're going to end it for this week. My name is Sean. I'm Sean O'Hara. I've been your game master. With me as always, playing Fat Billy the Halfling Thief, Jessica Tai. Bye, everyone. Tacoma Dome the Barbarian, played by Abdul Aziz. So long. And Ving the Half-Elf Druid by Paul Oppers.

Uh-huh. Thanks to Wes for all the technical work. Thanks to Abdul for all the editing. Thanks to Aaron Reed for our intro and outro music. Thanks to all our Patreon supporters for supporting the show. You can do that at patreon.com slash spoutlore or spoutlore.com slash money, please. We got him up there. Yeah. Hit us up with an iTunes review if you feel like it. It really, truly does help. And if you don't feel like it, do an iTunes review instead. Yeah.

If you don't feel like doing an iTunes review, maybe just mix it up. Do an iTunes review. Yeah. If you don't want to do an iTunes review, try a five-star iTunes review. If you don't want to do a five-star iTunes review, give us $5 on Patreon. $1 for each star that you would have done had you done a review. Plus a review. And then do an iTunes review. Find us on social media. Spoutlore most places. And we'll catch you next time. Bye-bye.

And so ends the tale of adventures three Who tried the best they can Though dumb and scared and lost they be For time's abreast in revelry And though our journey may be like a conclusion For time's abreast in revelry For time's abreast in revelry For time's abreast in revelry We will not leave you without a resolution. Return next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores. And for you, I'd gladly spout more.

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape, and wields a spear with great might Peely's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends, and listen close For the tale's about to start Hi there, and welcome.

Hi there, and welcome. To Spout Lore. I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara. With me as always, playing Fat Billy the Halfling Thief, Jessica Tai. Peace. Playing Tacoma Dome, the Barbarian, Abdul Aziz. Hello. And playing Ving, the Half-Elf Druid, Paul Oppers. Good afternoon. When last we left our heroes, they just kinda had a chill travel time. And they hit the coast of the Sea of Graves for the very first time. And they took a little dip in the water, and Ving… Trip ball. Yeah.

Ving communed with the spirits of the Sea of Graves. Amazing. And was given a vision of some sort of great bird. Some sort of massive flying beast. And who knows what it… It was a Thunderbird. That's what we determined. Is that it was a Thunderbird. Probably. Perhaps the king of all Thunderbirds. Oh, cool. But maybe just a bird. Who can say? I can. It was a Thunderbird. And Billy took more dumps in more bodies of water. And Tuck and Perel had a little conversation.

About Billy's potential magical ability. As the sea… The water of the Sea of Graves seemingly gave Billy some greater control over his magical powers. And perhaps with the right tools and the right training, Billy could come to be a more versatile magic user. Which is pretty cool. And then they traveled up the coast a little bit further and hit the town of Little Sur. That appears to have a mayor who is a small cat with a hat. His name is Little Sur. Yeah.

I think the town is named after the cat Little Sur. Who knows what the town was named before. They hit up an herbalist shop where Bing attempted to… Well, and successfully restocked on poultices and herbs. Got a little bit of that dank halfling pipe leaf at the same time. Sure. And Billy, who was apparently felt slighted by the owner Brody, decided to go try and lift a little bit of oil of Taget for his own uses. Thereby dumping a leader on himself and knocking himself out.

Tuck was gonna throw a pig at him. Yeah. And because of that incredible feat of strength and recklessness, Brody helped them wake Billy back up. But not before Billy had a little reminiscence of his exile from the Halfling Lands. But besides that, it was pretty chill. And that's where we find our heroes now. In the town of Little Sur. Billy and Bing, who we left in the tent after Billy woke up, are probably still there doing whatever they were doing.

But we open on Tuck and Mears in the town of Little Sur. And Francis, who's probably outside. What are Tuck and Mears up to? I kinda just wanted to get like… There's like a bunch of artisanal food shops that have way too expensive cheese and sausages and stuff. And I'm like, yeah, there's fucking nothing else to do. I'm just gonna buy a bunch of this bullshit. So how much money? You know, standard beach town stuff. Yeah, totally.

Where you're like, just fucking load me up with whatever shit you have. Oh, just anything you've made out of shells. Yeah. I'll pay you a lot of money for it. And so you're just in a cheese store? Yeah, I'm in a cheese store. Yeah. It's the same, like, food store that Mears was in earlier, buying peppers. And you kinda met up with Mears in the pepper store. Yeah. She's old. She's pretty portly. She's got gray hair. She's got a lot of hair. She's got a lot of hair. She's got a lot of hair.

She's got a lot of hair. She's got a lot of hair. She's got a lot of hair. There's a lot of hair. There's a lot of hair. There's a lot of hair. There's a lot of hair. There's a lot of hair. She's pretty portly. She's got gray hair in braids that wrap around the sides of her head. She looks like fucking Princess Leia. But like more Bavarian. Oh, cool. Yeah. And she's just like, what can I do for you? I'm just looking around. Can I help you look around? Have you tried our cheeses?

Do you have any samples? Oh, do we have samples? And she pulls up a piece of wood and it's got all these samples already laid out with toothpicks in them. Okay. Well, I eat them all. One at a time. Do you contemplate the flavors at all? Or is it just… How many different flavors are there? There's 12. Okay. And what are they? They are cranberry, pistachio, some kind of mystery meat. That's what she says. This one is chives. This one is double chive. This one is cranberry again. Whoops.

How'd that get in there? There's only 11 flavors. And she said, and that's all of them. And then I do the thing that you always do in that situation. And you go, just give me old cheddar. Old cheddar it is. And she slaps a big block up on the counter. How much is that? It's two coins. Okay. Yeah. I mean, you bought cheese. Is there anything else you're trying to get out of this lady? What? Is this not good enough for you? No, this is great. Is this not good enough Dungeons and Dragons?

You know, I just had an expectation of high adventure and intrigue and mystery. And you're buying fucking cheese. And Mears is happy to be in here as long as you want to be. No, I want to check out one of the other stores. Yeah. What are you looking for? I don't know. Is there like a shit store? Just like stuff with garbage? Yeah. Like a curiosity shop. Yeah. There's like a thrift store. Yeah. I go in there. It started as a general store. It's actually called General Store. Oh, cool. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Where travelers just sold all their garbage. Okay. And over time, it ended being, it stopped being a general store and became a store full of garbage. Like just travel. It's like a giant traveler shrine almost. Yeah. It kind of is. It kind of is.

Like one of those woven snowshoes and there's like a canoe yeah and there's just a real uh saggy looking guy with a handlebar mustache on the counter mirrors and I are kind of just like in there and tuck is uh I think he's becoming more and more aligned to the patron of the traveler because that's like more what our identity is becoming it's like we're just travelers so he goes in there and I think he wants to like sell something and pick something up cool because that's what people do here right that is what people do here so yeah we're just kind of browsing through yeah all right I'm like mirrors are you gonna get any of this dumb shit I don't know I got all my food unless we see some oh you know it'd be great a steamer like for clothes no for like vegetables okay you know it's like a metal thing and it folds out it looks like a flower okay you a a something and pick something up cool because that's what people do here right that is what people do here so yeah we're just kind of browsing through yeah all right I'm like mirrors are you gonna get any of this dumb shit I don't know I got all my food unless we see some oh you know it'd be great uh steamer like for clothes no for like vegetables okay you know it's like a metal thing and it folds out it looks like a flower okay you steam vegetables okay you don't burn them on the bottom of the pot whoa you have a steamer he's like rifling around is there any type of stuff that tuck is looking for is it just garbage um I think tuck's like attracted right now to like like history books oh yeah there's a pile of books for sure yeah can I can I discern realities to see if any of the books are like sure yeah like uh better than oh like a higher value than they actually are oh I want to I want to see if any of these are like kind of rare or cool that the that the dumb shit that works here this is what I'm telling mirrors I'm like hey you know what I like to do in these stores I like to look around see if there's anything like cool that like the dumb shits that work here don't even know about you know tuck's a picker yeah all right yeah give me a 2d6 there's like a show about this in mccall there's like where they play yeah they uh yeah they do like this big stage show yeah where it's like called the shit road show yeah road uh okay yeah so you're gonna do a discern realities uh yes okay 2d6 plus uh wisdom 10 thank god okay so you get three questions off the discern realities list what here is useful or valuable to me uh there is a book that on the outside says like tinctures and elixirs an herbalist guide to herbalism oh but you're flipping through it and you're like oh this is about alchemy oh like this isn't about like regular herbalism like there are entries in here that are about magical alchemy cool magicians used to write books with like seemingly they would write them like under the guise of other things and that's something like herbalism or like costume design they could oh yeah simple architecture like building from the earth right because we had talked about how like in the old like in the bad times like when the wizards were being hunted they had to like they were using those like memory books to keep their shit secret right yeah because they were burning magic books but maybe this was like another strategy but their arrogance would like make them make these other things where they're like hiding out and playing with these different books totally because who do I have to pay for the dumb fuck behind the counter yeah you got to pay the guy that works at the store or you can who's he his name is bartleby uh-huh and he is um he's got a dagger on the counter point down with his finger over it and he's just spinning it idly and I'm like how much is this book one coin okay cool and then I look for like a blanket for billy yeah you find a very old but sturdy like wool blanket and I'm like how much is the blanket one coin okay cool yeah I'll take both two coin thank you you want to sell oh right yeah I was gonna sell yeah I'm gonna leave behind this the penetrable billhook impenetrable billhook the impenetrable billhook you're gonna leave it behind yeah this incredible item and weapon that has traveled with you for lo these many months now I'll leave behind billy's armor that he never used you never used it you didn't even want it I might want it one day no I'm leaving this behind because I'm getting you a blanket okay I'm leaving the armor behind all right were you even gonna was billy even gonna wear the armor I don't know I feel like you only want it now because I'm about to give it away it's kind of cool billy could show up later on in his hometown wearing armor it's a big flex it's okay in my mind tuck is just like billy hates this why would I keep it I won't stop yeah that's what tuck believes like billy hates this armor I'm gonna give him a blanket instead uh yeah and the guy goes one coin okay cool thanks thank you and he throws one of your coins back yeah and I mean that's the story that's the way the store works buy buy one coin sell one coin that's all I wanted all right bye mirrors did you find anything uh no steamers okay I found a pepper mill though are you gonna buy it no it's like full of spider eggs okay uh a guy says spider egg two coin spider egg one coin pepper mill one coin I don't think I'm gonna buy it okay one coin I don't think I'm gonna buy it I'll give you two coins get those spiders out of my store because I'm gonna go now and mirrors just walks out the door yeah we go back to the tent we cut back to uh billion ving in the tent what are billion being up to um I'm playing with the oil of taggett bottle like a lava lamp careful easy careful you can see like a lava lamp and you can see like a lava lamp and you can see like a lava lamp and you can see like a lava lamp and you can see like the oil like uh run a little bit further down the lip of the bottle like just past the cork a little bit further past the cork really don't fuck around with me I'm sorry no it's okay just we only have so much weed left and uh and I need it this is daddy's weed daddy needs his weed and mirrors is like oh billy you got a little toy there huh what's this what and he takes he reaches for the bottle and he's like oh I need this weed bottle whoa don't touch it whoa oh it's not a cooking instrument what's hey it's for me what is it none of your business I bury it in my bed uh is billy okay he's acting a little touchy hey he's super sleepy I'm just grumpy I think he's a little bit uh high too I'd say so okay what time is it it's like yeah like late morning almost noonish let's see what fuck yeah let's go cat man uh so you yeah you just head back to town hall yeah yeah and um what does it look like town hall it is a um big scratching post it's a very normal looking like one-story building uh it's not too big it's about it's like medium-sized for the town and it's just made out of wood like it's a normal looking wooden building and it says town hall on the sign knock knock knock and it's like a big wooden building and it's like a big wooden building and it's like a big wooden building and uh it's come in like wait what we opened the door there's a person at a desk oh okay oh my god we thought you weren't talking chat man you thought I was the cat right yeah a lot of people think I'm the cat uh what's your name um uh margum margum margum uh welcome to town hall what can I do for you do you need a permit sure one permit to meet the mayor please oh you don't need a permit to meet the mayor you can meet the mayor whenever you want where is he he's in the mayor's office oh my god and I look billy looks over and it's like a tiny room with glass and the window is up top high up and it's just a scratching post inside like it's like a little cat tower this is so exciting and it is just kind of like there's like a viewing section for this room and there's just a little cat with a bowler hat on oh is he walking around on two feet he's laying down oh my god I go in like laying down on his side like licking his hand little sir and billy goes in yeah billy goes yeah and the cat looks up and goes oh my god it is a cat uh yeah how did it become mayor oh it's a really funny story actually 10 years ago um a cat called big sir was as a joke written in as a mayoral candidate and the town thought he was so cute that we all just voted for him and then his uh his his descendant little sir is now the town's mayor that's sort of sort of the whole situation wow so cute he's been mayor for three years he's four oh my god you're so accomplished can I touch the mayor oh of course he loves chin scratches scoop him up yeah hand him to billy oh I put my face directly in his tummy it's so soft I smush it around oh that's all I'm doing yeah I mean that's the that's the mayor situation and and margum's like thank you so much for coming I hope you did you enjoy the mayor yeah it was cute I want to look around for anything valuable all right he like looks at tuck and winks like I'm on it I give him a thumbs up we're doing it in front of margum yeah I want to see if there's any crystals in here or anything like that okay can I yeah for sure discern reality realities 2d6 plus wisdom all right wow 11.

Anything valuable useful to me well I mean this room's like a cat room there's like a little oil oil portrait of little sir that somebody did that looks really nice cool yeah it's probably pretty expensive starting to get the idea there's not a lot in here for us except the cat mayor I mean I think yeah I think we came in here we were like sinister cat is in charge of this town we're kind of realizing that no it's just a cat is there anything you need done doing cat mayor things talking to them oh yeah and margum's like uh he's a cat I know we are mercenaries from lands far away we've come with the talents and deeds in mind anything you need and it sounds like I'm sitting on the ground right now billy's in my lap and the cat's on billy and he's saying he's like oh thank god one whomst I can communicate with I've been waging a slow campaign against the rats of this town for generations yes my cat is a cat and I'm sitting on the ground right now and I'm sitting on the ground yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes And what are we seeing?

You're seeing Ving go, and you're seeing the cat go, and it's like reaching up, yeah, it's batting at Ving's hair, and it's like rolling against Billy because Billy's holding it in his arms. And it's just like… We would love to be in of service if we can for a small price, but supply us with things we need for our further adventures. We'd be happy to attempt to quell the rotten rat rebellion. I would be happy to pay any price to see their dastardly lives cut short.

I would give you any fish that you require or desire. I would nuzzle you. I would sit on your lap for as long as you please. Do this, and you will have my undying gratitude and as many head bumps as you so wish. You are too kind. And gracious that that… We will destroy the rats! Ving said that in a human voice. Do we just take a job? Yeah. Okay. Fuck me. Hell yeah. All right. And Margum's like, what is happening? To the stores. Where are your fish stores? I mean, where's your fish stores?

Like the smoke house? Yeah. It's down by the beach. To the fish house. Down to the beach. I say goodbye to the cat. I try to steal him. You try and walk out with the cat? I do. He does not bite you at all. I put the mayor under my shirt. Okay. Give me a defy danger dexterity. Oh, I've been doing this. Cool. Wow. I succeed. Plus your dexterity? Nine. Okay. I see Billy doing this. I try and help. Stand in front of him. Bye. I distract him. Margum. Yeah. With muscles. Okay. Yeah. All right.

All right. 2D6 plus bond to aid Billy. Okay. 11. Oh my God. So Margum's just like leaning against the wall, really drinking you in. And what are you doing? And I'm like, I take out the book that I bought and I take out a pair of glasses that I stole from that store and I like put them on. And I'm like, Oh, this poetry is really making me feel introspective. And then I stare at the window. I take the glasses off and I like chew on the edge. And then I make my pecs and traps dance.

And her mouth is just hanging open. It's like, you like poetry. Sometimes I feel like I can't think of the word. I can't think of the word. I can't think of the word. I can't think of the word. I can't think of the word. I can't think of the word. I can't think of anything else to say. Could you, could you read me a poem? Do you think? Could you, could you read me one? I flipped the book open.

And it, the book says, um, the leaf of once cherry leaf and three hay berries shall produce a tincture for diarrhea or whatever. To, to produce tinctures to create diarrhea? It's unclear. Okay.

And then I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, There's a, There's a, There's a, There's a, There's a, There's a, There's a, There's a, There's a, There's a, There's a, There's a, There's a, There's a, There's a, There's a, There's a, There's a, There's a, There's a, There's a, There's a, There's a, There's a, There's a, There's a, There's a, There's a, There's a, Three worm leaf.

Really slowly as he's tiptoeing out the door. A pinch of worm salt. And the dust of sky iron. Creates a tincture for diarrhea. And she looks a little confused at the diarrhea part. And then I close the book and I'm like, feelings. She nods. Wow, you look like you are really in touch with your feelings. Feelings. Wow. So what are you doing? And Billy, you get to the door. Yeah, I'm just waiting at the door and the cat's squirming around a lot. But I'm still. Yeah.

We're going to go deal with your rat problem. Oh, okay. Well, I'll be here all day. Yeah, maybe I'll see you later. I mean, maybe you will. Yeah. And then I turn around and I… So the door is a pull, but I push it. And break. And then I… I am like, let's go, everybody. And I… Whenever it was that I turn around and I just like put it on the hole that's left. And she sees you rip the door off accidentally. And she's like, wow. And she's fanning herself. I'll fix that.

Don't you worry about it. You can fix it when you come back. Okay. Okay, bye. I don't know how to… I talked to these guys. I'm like, I don't know how to fix a door. And Billy has a cat now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Don't think you need my help with like rats. Okay, cool, man. We're gonna get some fish. I'm gonna get you some more fish. Oh, that'd be great. Free food. Yeah, hell yeah. Cool. Okay, bye.

Yeah, we'll stock up on a shitload of fish. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's go. And smoke, so it'll last a long time. And you get to the smoke shack. It's pretty big. It's like, for a smoke shack, it's like several chambers connected by like looks like mud tunnels that they've kind of made airtight so the smoke doesn't escape. But there's smoke pouring out of like little chimneys here and there. Okay. It's pretty big. Where should we start, oh, wonderful mayor?

I have spent many, many a day within the confines of my offices, my chambers, my mayoral estate. So I have not lain eyes upon the tracks of these beasts for days. You may have to cast your eye about for their comings and their goings. Well, does someone want to discern realities to look for rats? So I'm looking for rats because the mayor is talking out of my shirt. Well, uh, oh, seven. Okay, so you get one question. What's useful? What's useful or valuable to me?

Around one edge of the smoke shack, you see there's a little hole that's been chewed through the wood. It's really small. It's like maybe like toony sized. Yes, it's rat sized. I scurry up. I'm like, there. This is where they leave. Leave or go, I think. That's so funny because I imagine Billy's just like Greg from over the garden wall. He's just like, there! Yeah. This is where they go or come. Maybe. Just full arm gesturing. Like he's a detective.

Yeah, Billy twiddles his fingers inside the hole. What? Easy, Billy. He like wiggles them around. He's like rifling around in there. You guys are pervs. Oh, what? Didn't even think that. You can get bit by a rat. Yeah. Yeah. No, I was just like, why? He's like, here's where they come. There's where the dangerous rats are. And he jams his feet inside. Billy doesn't think well. Are rats around? Can I see a rat? No, you can't see a rat. You can see their tracks. I want to follow the tracks.

I want to get a rat and then mark it with the eye of a tiger and then follow, see where it lives, where the rat king is. Great. I love it. Give me a defy danger wisdom. Fuck yeah. Hey. Okay. So is this for eye of a tiger? No, this is for finding a rat. Okay. So it's Billy is got his hand through the hole and you're you're like patting or patting on the other side and you touch something furry. A furry. And I can say that again. No, that's very. A furry is great. A furry is so funny. A furry.

And Billy, you just like close your hand. Yeah. And you yank it back out and you got a. A little rat. Oh, small boy. Oh. What do I do with it? Hold still. And it's. He saw. It's flipping out. And you can hear. Then you can hear the rat going. Let go of me. Let go. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. We will let go of. I take it and I'm talking to him and then I. I want to use eye of the tiger. What does that do?

When I mark an animal with mud, dirt, blood or cum, you can see through the animal's eyes as if they were your own. No matter what distance separates you. Only one animal at a time may be marked income. I use mud. I'm not a pervert. Oh, my God. Yeah. So you. Take some dirt from the. From the ground and then I spit in the dirt and then I put it on the back. All right. So could you. Can I see. Eye of the tiger again. Eye of the tiger. You don't have to do anything. You just mark it.

I have to sing the song. Yeah. You see through the eyes of this rat. Oh, yeah. I don't have to roll. No, you don't have to roll. You can just see through the eyes of a rat. Go. Oh, rat. And it goes. Let me go. Yep. Let him go. And it scurries away. Yep. And it doesn't go back through the wall. Yeah. It runs off and you're watching it. It runs like on the edge of town and then it starts running through the town and then it gets. We're following it. Yeah. So you're following this track.

It goes kind of the long way around some buildings and then cuts through town. It goes under a building and then comes out the other side and it's dark for a while. Scary, scary, scary, scary, scary. And it pops up and you see an older woman kind of portly with braids wrapped around her head and she's like moving vegetables and the rat runs through her legs and she goes, oh, sorry, I'll get out of your way. And it runs into the back of the room and there's like cages full of rats. What the fuck?

In the back of this room. Yeah. Oh, my God. I think the vegetable woman, the Bavarian Leia is breeding or hoarding rats. Oh, my God. Oh, yeah. Yeah. We're going to go to the food store. Yeah. What's this place called? Vegetable Town. Okay. We're going to go to Vegetable Town. Vegetable Town. And then underneath a newer sign says plus cheese. Billy runs into the wrong store. It's just bongs. Sorry, Brody. Yeah. Brody's in this store as well. It's a separate store, but Brody's still in here.

Billy's still a little loopy from waking up. He's still high. Yeah. He also can't read. He doesn't know. Yeah. And yeah, you run into Vegetable Town plus cheese and the lady's there and she's behind the counter. She says, oh, welcome back here for some more samples. Yes. And I wink at the rest. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Resume what do you hand her uh nothing he's going like this and like gesturing his whole body yeah no it's employees only sorry I can't help you but I can give you some samples I'll pretend to know what the mayor's saying what's that oh the mayor says he has to do his annual inspection that's a cat darling I oh I see that your license has expired I really must insist that you leave you're asking the mayor to leave yes I'm asking the mayor to leave I cover the mayor's ears she goes who sent you the mayor sent us how did the mayor's a cat he doesn't know anything he's a stupid cat so then I asked the mayor tell me something about this woman that only you would know oh brenda your name is brenda yeah you could have asked anybody in town what my name is brenda was uh she was seeing gregum at the smoke shack you remember things ended poorly what happened at the smoke shack with gregum you remember anyone's being in the room besides gregum who are you gregum sent you no the mayor sent us I don't understand what you're what you're talking about please you must leave you must leave this is so tense that tuck is sitting behind the counter eating the samples and watching it like it's a soap opera you're just behind the counter yeah I'm I somehow got back there and I'm like wow wow high entry so wait so you're telling me that you're basically where you want to go and you're not doing anything I guess I did I didn't even know that you were doing anything and you're not doing anything and she's pushing ving and billy like out like you gotta go go you must go go right now sure we will go door go in the door and then I'm like oh yeah okay and then I go I turn around I open the door what do I see she hears you open the door no don't and there's just a bunch of cages of rats and they're all they're all eating artisanal cheeses what the fuck is this that's you you wouldn't understand I mean try us we've seen a lot of weird things I thought gregum was the love of my life uh-huh and all he cares about is smoking fish okay I thought maybe a romance novels I thought maybe if I could destroy his fish that he would he would have no choice but to find solace in my arms and your cheese and my cheeses and my fresh vegetables you don't understand just don't how you're gonna tell everyone aren't you no I mean why why would we like how did you how did you even get here fucking we walked no but how do you know about the rats who could know I've been so careful I told you the mayor knows the cat knows the cat knows she's just so confused our friend ving is a druid he has the ability to commune with animals oh oh oh the gills okay and look at these crystal hands I should have I should have connected the dots I'm sorry I was a little worked up about you finding out the darkest secret that I have it's fine we're not gonna tell anyone that you're hoarding rats in a cheese store like we're not gonna tell anyone but maybe just tell us what happened with you and gregum well it's like I said gregum and I we were together for two beautiful summers and at the end of the summer he would always say brenda I'm sorry I have to go back to smoking fish so the town has fish to eat and I have fish to sell and I would say gregum we can be together you can smoke fish at the same time and he said no and finally after two summers of being strung along by this little strumpet I'd had enough and I thought I could destroy his fish with all of these rats that I caught over a series of weeks as an artisanal cheese merchant it's pretty easy to to catch rats when you want they don't have much to eat in the in the on the beach so they come here to my cheeses and I just throw the cheese in a cage and the rats go in one after the other and eventually I had more rats than I knew what to do with more rats the cheese so I had to start feeding them another way and I thought the best way was with a little river and thus my plan was hatched what a fucking crazy fucking way to try and get your boyfriend back have you never been in love yeah like literally every day I fall in love with a different lady but and you've never tried to sabotage them in an attempt to drive them back to you certainly not no that's so unhealthy well hooray for you now can you get out of my are you gonna tell gregum no but do you want us to help you with gregum would you billy presses up we can make you we can make him love you again yeah billy's still outside he's been listening from outside yeah laughing through the window yeah we're gonna help him fall in love with you again there's just this little petty kid like pressed up against the window we can make him love you again she's like what and then everyone else sounds like what a weird day yeah like this sucks guy tried to throw a pig uh the mayor got stolen for some reason you would do that if you promise to get rid of the rats they are the enemy of the mayor all right this is a parlay man we're really digging into this okay I need a so the the thing is is we'll help gregum fall in love with you again but you got to get rid of the rats yeah we'll we'll be your sereno de bergerac so who's leading that billy I think billy's outside screaming in through a window no I think it's you okay okay 2d6 plus charisma oh yeah eight eight okay so on a seven to nine they need concrete assurance right now uh billy has a love potion no I I could make one billy screams I can make a love potion love potion that's a great idea wait are we not gonna use this book of alchemy is there a love potion billy probably can't make a love potion but I mean if you're trying to convince her that you can that I mean that makes sense okay yeah go for it I like billy lying and then we'll figure it out later okay she's like is that is that was what he says true yes you can make a love potion he has all these different poisons see and then I take a little bit of the oil I put on my tongue I pass he'll be like that for 15 minutes we hope yeah once she sees you use the what you say is a like a sleep potion she's like oh now now now I want this literally something I bought next we bought yeah and so tuck hits the ground but she's still talking to ving and she's like you know I want this to be clear I I I want grgan to love me for real yeah not because of potions okay but if you can help with a potion sure fake it till you make it okay that works on love okay but you're not gonna tell I'll get rid of the rats yeah like you can't just put them outside the town they'll come back and they'll be back and they'll be back and they'll be back and they'll be back and They'll come back.

Maybe… No, no, no. Hold on. Now, hold on. Now, hear me out. Hear me out. Do you think you could use like six cages of rats? I'm offloading them at an incredible price. I'll take them off your hands. Ving wants to deal with them. He doesn't want to kill them. Okay. He's going to convince them to go away. What if Ving's spirit animal ends up being 300 rats? Yeah. It's just so many rats. Most people have like a hawk. Or a wolf. Or a cougar. I've got 30 rats. Together, they're brats. My roommate.

I've got a bunch of rats I collectively refer to as brats. I'll walk around. He's slightly shorter than I am. Okay. She's like, all right. Okay. Okay. I'll be here. Is there anything that you need from me? Anything I should prepare? Some grilled cheese sandwiches, but new cheese, please. Okay. I can do that. That I can do. Okay. I'm so excited. And she goes back and she brings out six cages of rats. I'll take those. Okay. All right. Oh, I'm so excited. Oh, I can't believe it.

Greg, I'm coming, my love. And then she hustles off into the back room. To make us the grilled cheese sandwich. I guess so, yeah. In the rat room. She goes back to the room with all the rats to make grilled cheese sandwiches. She's laughing really hard because Sean said, I'm coming, my love. Well, you know. You just say it's funny. Okay. So you leave Vegetable Town plus Cheez-Its. And what's your plan? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Well, we're going to fucking track down Greg.

We're going to make a love potion. Yeah. Well, first we should find out what his deal is. Like why he doesn't want to be with this lady except for in the summers. And then, yeah, maybe we'll go back to the tent and see if we can make up a love potion with Perel in this book. Okay. Maybe he was hinted at her insanity. Yeah, maybe. The fact that she raised a bunch of rats to get revenge on him. Yeah. We'll see if we can convince him just with words first and then we'll make this roofie. Great.

So you presume that you could probably find Gregum at the smoke shack. Yeah. It's a smoke switch. Yeah. Let's head down to there. All right. So you head down and you… What's the smoke shack called? Smoke shack. But with two Ks. Cool. No E's. S-M-O-K-S-H-A-K. Can it be two Cs instead of two Ks? Totally. Can it be three Ks at the end? Okay. What? Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. It's two Cs and then Shaq has three Ks. No. Let's make it three. Okay. But they're not next to each other.

One fell off and it's on the ground. Yeah. I just go to open the door and it's a push, but I end up pulling. I rip the door off. Oh, my God. Oh, fuck. Smoke is just pouring out. And you hear somebody inside go, close the door. I can't anymore. Smoke's kicking out. Are you Greg? And this really tall, but super hunched over old man with really leathery tan skin. Holy shit. And a dark stained beard and hair comes out. And he's like, I'm trying to smoke a fish in here. Greg? Yeah.

Greg, I'm trying to smoke a fish in here. You smell like Unagi. Because I'm smoking eels in here. I got some eel. You got to close the door. Okay. We fixed the door. Give us. Yeah. Give us one. One second. And we get into a huddle. What language is he speaking in? And you just hear him back going, open, close the smoking door. Yeah. We can hear him like banging the door against the wall. Yeah. Well, this is confusing. Like, this is the person that she's in love with? Yeah.

But look at the person that he was in love with. They're meant for each other. Okay. We got to make this happen. All right. So we go back and we talk to him. Yeah. So, Greg, what do you like in a woman? I just like strong ties and nice broad back carrying stuff, smoking fish. What about on the inside? Tenacious, intelligent, horny as all hell. That's what I like. That's what Greg likes in a woman. That's what my daddy likes in a woman. I'm going to like my asshole Greg.

I'm writing all of this down. Tenacious, intelligent, broad back. I can barely understand. Well, welcome to Greg. He's smoking cigarettes. Yeah. He's smoking fish. He's got a little piece of fish that's on fire and he's breathing in smoke. He's smoking a fish. He's got a little piece of, he's got a tiny little anchovy sticking out of his mouth. That's burning like a cigarette? He packs sardines in a pipe. Yeah. And it actually smells really good in here. It does.

Gregum smells so good and he looks so rough. Yeah. He looks like he's been living in a smoke shack for his whole life. He sure does. And then I'm like, as I'm writing, I'm like, how old are you, Gregum? 28. Holy fuck. Fish years. 28 years young, you know why? Smoking fish. Yeah. Smoking fish seems like one of the roughest jobs ever. I thought mining was pretty bad. But it depends on how you smoke them. You smoke them right, it really fucks you up. Fish, all the fish last forever. Last forever.

Gregum, we want to help you with your rap problem. Oh. That dang rat's smoking all my fish. Smoking all my fish. He's eating all my smoked fish. I just try to stomp them out when I find them, but they're too quick for Gregum. Yeah, that's right. I plug up that hole, but the thing is, I plug it up with fish, rats just eat the hole and then I come back in. You're just feeding the frenzy, man. Yeah, have you tried plugging in with other things? Ah, it don't work. Have you tried? It don't work.

He's stubborn, we got it. Okay, so the list was thick thighs, strong thighs, tenacious, intelligent, broadback, and horny. As all hell. Yeah. As all hell. He narrows his eyes and takes a long drag off his fish. Okay, we can work with that. Well, Gregum, we represent the interests of an individual. I don't know why. I'm still wearing the glasses, so I'm pretending that I'm a lawyer. Wearing a loincloth and no shirt. Can you close your eyes and take them up slowly as you're saying this?

Yeah, I do that. And then also, I take the blanket that I got Billy, I've got it as a tie. So I just have a tie, loincloth, and a wearing glove. Okay. Gregum, we're solicitors that represent the interests of a very powerful client who meets all of these needs, and she is interested in engaging you for sexual activity and other. Oh, you know what I'm saying? I'm going to come back up old Gregum Street. Tell me about it.

And as an addendum to this agreement, we'll also arrange to resolve your rap problem. So, kind of a twofer for old Gregum, huh? Mm. Gregum's listening. Our client also wants a long-term relationship. Okay. That will last through the smoke season. Yes. Okay. Now, who your client is? We're not at liberty to disclose that at this time. Brenda. We're wondering what you- Brenda! Any slander? He goes back inside and he slams the door. Wait, come back. No, no, no. Tell Brenda. The door just falls.

All right, yeah. So he slams it. We just walk through it. It just falls down at your feet. We all walk over the door. What do you just tell Brenda? Don't work. It just don't work. Why? Different people. I love smoking fish. She loves fish. She loves what? Vegetables. Huh? Vegetables. Yeah. Oh my God. Cheat. Plus cheese. Plus cheese. She tried to get me to smoke other stuff. She tried to get him to smoke other stuff. Have you ever had smoked cheddar? Wow. No, you don't smoke cheese.

You smoke fish. I don't like it. She wants to smoke cheese. She can smoke cheese. Greg will smoke fish. He said, if she wants to smoke cheese, she can smoke cheese. Greg will smoke fish. I'm translating for Bill. Bill is nodding in understanding. Yes, okay. And as you're like walking in, because he's walking through the smoke jack, it's just like so hard to see. It's so smoky in here. Billy's maybe the closest. He's the closest to the ground so he can see the clearest. He's fine.

All these adults. Tuck has to hunch over. And you realize that's probably why Greg is all hunched over. Because he's like almost as tall as Tuck. But he's like hunched. And he's like, you want to build our own place. I have smoke cheese in here. Get all the cheese in my fish. Greg, do you live here? Or do you like? I like sleep somewhere else. Greg, I'm sleeping right here. And he points and there's like a little cot on the ground. Oh my God. Okay. You got to smoke.

You got to smoke the fish all night. You know what I mean. Okay. Well, I think we have everything we need. Does anyone else have any questions for Greg? What kind of activities do you like outside of smoking fish? I like fishing. Yeah. I like smoking. Yeah. Sometimes I smoke while I fade. Okay. Sometimes. Yeah. Every once in a while. Every once in a while. When I get a little bit of cat. Go down to Black Glacier. Watch some tetherball. What?

Every once in a while when he gets some cash, he goes down to Black Glacier and watches some tetherball. All right. Greg, what's your astrological sign? I'm a eel. That's fitting. With a turnip rising. Turnip rising? That's it. Oh. That's it. This is good. Hang the hang of it. Hey. He's getting the hang of his stupid accent. Yeah. It's hard to find somebody that's going to jive with somebody like that. So your rising symbol is a vegetable. Yeah. I don't like talking about it.

I don't like talking about that. That's a meal. Boom, boom. He's eating the cigarette now that he was smoking. Yeah. He's like nom, nom, nom. It's still hanging out of his mouth, but every once in a while he takes a bite. Like an old stogie. Yeah. Pulls it in. All right. It was great to meet you, Greg. Great to meet you, little buck. And he holds his hand out. Shake hands. Your hand's just oily as it comes away with smoke. Yeah. Good luck getting that smell off. I taste it. It tastes great. Oh.

Yeah. I go in to shake again. All right. Well, thank you. Thank you for coming back. We walk out and Megan notes and Billy's just like sucking on his hand. I'm like, what? I'm like, what? I'm like, what? I'm like, what? I'm like, what? I'm like, what? I'm like, what? I'm like, what? I'm like, what? I'm like, what? I'm making notes and Billy's just like sucking on his hand. Yeah. He will be in touch. He's here. You damn murder. No fucking way. Okay. Okay.

He turns away into the smoke and he disappears instantly. So it sounds like we're going to have to make a love potion. All right. All right. Let's see that book. Great. And then, yeah, so you guys head back to the tent. Yeah. And Perel's in there and Mears is back there and he's, Mears is relaxing. You can see all the dishes have been cleaned.

Clean billy he went through your drawer and he grabs some dishes billy is really upset what does billy do he goes to his drawer and he uh he drops the mayor in the drawer you still have the mayor and I storm back outside and I put my hands in the black sand and I come back and I write I try to write billy's room but I don't know like I know how to do a b and then I do a bunch of bees on it and then like slap my hand all over it and I draw a square around my bed and I look at mirrors like fight me fight me this is my room and billy's magic because he just went to he went and put his hands in sand but when he presses his hands against the thing it's like it's like charcoal basically he's so mad yeah my room so he's subconsciously using billy's switcheroo here so billy's there's now a section of the kitchen that's just so fucked up just just smeared with black the letter b so many times and like but because billy's a fae when we read it we're like yeah that says billy's room and also there's just a part of the kitchen that has now or it's like okay I guess that's billy's part of the kitchen we read it and we're like yeah that's billy's room we can't use that part of the kitchen anymore because billy sleeps there yeah we're not allowed inside of this section uh and and perel's kicking back on the couch and he's just reading a magazine yeah we all run in and we're like perel we need your help and he like drops his magazine like what what what it's not an emergency oh my goodness don't burst into the room and scream my name anymore remember when I was imprisoned by a mob yeah sorry what magazine was it it was a magazine where you're reading oh uh this is I guess one of morris's mud fucks it's mud affairs yeah I was gonna make it a wizard magazine he's like and he shoves it in the cushions because he was facing away from mirrors yeah uh it's a thaumaturgy magazine thaumaturgy now can I see it no well let me see only for wizards I saw it's a sexy one were you reading mud affairs it was just laying out I wasn't reading it it was here you're masturbating to it dude I'm wearing a full robe how would I do that easily what do you need uh uh thing is during this he's mixing up the the um aphrodisiac oh yeah and he's mere uh he's watching you perel's watching you like oh what are you uh what are you doing look at this book we got oh it's an oh yeah and he starts flipping through and he's like okay normal stuff normal stuff wizard stuff yeah he's this is an alchemy book yeah where'd you find this tuck I I got it from the general store it's like kind of like a traveler's shrine so people just like trade shit and I someone just left it behind oh wow this is incredible because the book that I have that you that you had that contains my memories I'm not an alchemist there's no alchemical information in here and I'm kind of relearning anyways but this is a great opportunity what do you need help with uh we have a book called the alchemist and it's a book that's called the alchemist promised a crazy lady that we'd help a smoked old man fall in love with her so it's cool they're both crazy yeah they're both nuts and they'll be alone forever if we don't do this for them okay all right well um so this is kind of our good deed for the month so you want to make a love potion yeah yeah out of this aphrodisiac how much do you know about love potions zip okay well I can tell you that love potions as they have been mythologized to exist are not quite as you kind of have to have feelings for someone already I think they both do okay all right well this could work uh-huh so here's the situation is for a couple of summers every summer they would date and fuck I think a lot yeah and then at the end of the summer this uh the guy that owns the smoke shack would be like no I have to go back to work so there's something I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I think did he give you any indication of why they wouldn't stay together he said that she she she she liked vegetables and he liked fish they're not fucking nuts they're not mutually like exclusive oh that was all the context he gave you that was it that seems pretty weak narratively huh you telling me okay well I mean uh he's like okay so they've had previous relationships and they haven't been a problem with each other and they haven't been a problem with each other and they haven't been a problem with each other and they haven't been a problem Let's all do this.

He likes thick thighs. He likes a strong back. Yeah. Tenacious. Yep. Tenacity. Yeah. He likes to be fucking horned up like crazy. Crazy, horny is all hell, I think his words were. He also likes if they're smart. Oh, right. Okay, yeah. I can see how that would be the order of importance. Brenda is most of those things. Also fucking crazy. Her plan to get him back was to hoard rats. Hoard rats. Yeah, it's pretty thin narratively. How many rats? Just like six cages of rats. A fair bit of rats.

They're outside. They're outside? Yeah. What are we planning on doing with the rats? I'm going to let them go. I'm going to convince them to bugger off. Well. No. Oh, come on. I know where you're going with this. We're not making rats. No, you don't. You're going to. I'm going to suggest we make rat people. I wasn't going to suggest it. I was going to demonstrate it. All right. Let's take a vote. The five of us. Okay. Okay. Who wants Perel to turn those rats into rat people?

Perel puts his hand up. No one else puts their hand up. Perel puts his other hand up. Perel puts two up like, come on. You're still outvoted. Okay, fine. Whatever. Do whatever you want with the rats. I don't care anymore. Anyways, I can help you with the potion, I think. Cool. Now, so you've got an aphrodisiac, which is a good basis. Thing's taking a little… Yeah, it works. Oh, it works. Give me that mag. Here you go. And he passes you Mud Affairs. And, okay, so I do need a little something.

What do we think he needs? Like, what's the missing bit? It could be a tool. It could be an ingredient. Like a magical ingredient that he needs? Maybe it's a bit of, like, something from them. Like a lock of hair or like a… Oh, yeah. Bit of their spit or… Totally. Well, he has oil from his hand. I have oil on my hands. Oh, he does. Wow. He has oil on his hand from… I mean, I was saving it for later. But I guess, like, we could use it now. All right.

We're gonna get so much smoke fish out of this. Okay. Tastes like gre… Greggum. Ugh. Gross. Gross. I assume this cheese has, like… It's imbued with her in some way. Hey, there must be something else. Maybe something else. I mean, oil that was in direct contact with someone's skin is different than, like, a cheese they were near. Do we have to go steal a hair or something? It wouldn't hurt. Ugh! I just… We walked so much today. I just laid down. No, I'll be strong. Okay.

And, I mean, if you're just gonna go… Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Oh, my God. She cuts off too much of it. Shaves her hair. She's like, oh, I'll give you anything you need. Does she cut off one of her buns? Yeah, she cuts off the whole thing. Holy shit. And you come back and you just dump a handful of hair in Perel's lap. Cinnamon bun of hair. It's like, wow. She must really like him. She's fucked. All right.

And the other one is just kind of some sort of smoking-bued, wiry skeleton man. Yeah, basically. We have got to do the town a service by making sure that only they are in contact with one another. When we went to the cheese store and Vic and I were waiting up front and Billy went in and he came out and he had her buns. Her buns. Like, both buns. Is this enough? I got them. Billy, did you ask for that much hair? No, she just gave it to me. Oh, my God. I didn't even have to tell her I needed hair.

She just gave them buns. Both to me right away. And he goes, okay, I think I can work with this. Oh, this is exciting. I get to do alchemy. Aren't you guys excited? Yeah. All right. How much time do you need? Who can say? And he scrapes off some of the oil off Billy's hands and puts it on like a little like butter knife. Like, okay. All right. And he kind of mixes up. He has a pot and he boils some water in it. And he throws.

He throws the aphrodisiac into a pot of boiling water and smells the steam and goes, fuck. Sorry. Jesus. Sorry. It's working. And then he throws in. He mixes in the butter knife with the oil on it and he throws in a bunch of hair and he mixes it up and he smells it again. He goes, nothing. Perfect. Like, he doesn't smell. He's like, it's not working on me anymore. Which means it's not working on me anymore. Probably will just work on them. Deal done. And he goes, okay. All right. Here we go.

And he puts his hand over it. And he does that thing where he starts like, you can see all the muscles in his body clenching. And he's like rippling his muscles and his face is crunched up and he starts sweating a little bit. And then the pot on the stove goes like. And like rattles a little bit. He goes. Okay. I think I did it. I think I did it. They should. If I am not mistaken. Fall perfectly in love.

While we were watching this, I leaned over to Vang and I was like, he gets so sweaty when he does magic. It's uncomfortable. It looks uncomfortable. And he turns around and he's sopping wet. And he's like, I'm done. He loves it. Like his white shirt is you see through. He's got a tattoo. What? What's his tattoo of? What is his tattoo? A lamb. Just a lamb? With a robe on? When I was a younger wizard, I thought that I would be into lambs. Frogs. Turned out it was frogs. Turned out it was frogs.

Who can say? Anyways, and he throws it into a mason jar, one of Vang's mason jars. He goes, all right. If you mix this in with food or drink. And they're near each other, their natural feelings for one another should blossom into true love that they cannot ignore. I think this will do it. Now, I'm kind of shaky on the details, but I'm pretty sure I nailed it. So here you go. Sweet. Do you want to come watch us do this? Well, does anybody have a change of clothes?

I can't go out in a magically animated robe. Yeah. It's pretty obvious. It's just a sign that says, I'm a wizard. Please imprison me for 100 years. Does anyone have extra clothes? I mean, I don't. I mean, if I'm not mistaken, you all wear the same outfit every day. Yeah, basically. Here, hold on. Blanket. I take. Yeah, I take the blanket that I bought and I just I strip all of his clothes off and then I wrap it around his like pants. There is gender area like a diaper.

And I'm like, what do you think? This is not going to work. Let's do it. Come on. Let's go. Nobody. Put a hat on him. Okay. You look like a fancy. Baby. He's he's he's pretty scrawny. He's pretty scrawny. He's got pretty tan skin, but he's pretty scrawny. And he's got a lamb tattoo on like his pec. It's just a little drawing of a lamb. Come on. Let's go. All right. Fine. Let's go. Let's go. Okay. And then. Yeah.

So Perel is like he gets the hat on his head and he looks at the diaper that you made out of a blanket. And he looks at all of you with your arms full of like food and a love potion and whatever other sundry bullshit you have. And he goes. Okay. Let's make these weirdos fall in love. And you head out. And that's where we're going to end it for this week. My name is Sean O'Hara. I'm your game master with me as always. Players Jessica Tai. So long. Abdul Aziz. Goodbye. Paul Oppers. Bye lovers.

Thanks to West Lord for the technical stuff. Thanks to Abdul for the editing. Thanks to Aaron Reed of Vancouver Sunday Service for our intro and outro music. Thank you to you for listening. See you next time. And so ends the tale of Adventures 3. Who tried the best they can. Though dumb and scared and lost they be. For time's abreast in revelry. And though our journey may be like a conclusion. We will not leave you without a resolution. Return next week. To hear some more.

Whilst you commute or do your chores. And for you I gladly spell no. No.

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape and wields a spear with great might Peely's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends and listen close For the tale's about to start Welcome back to Spout Lore everybody, I'm your Game Master Sean O'Hara with the game of Spout Lore.

With me as always playing Ving, the half-elf druid Paul Oppers Hello Fat Billy the halfling thief played by Jessica Tai Hello And Tacoma Dome the barbarian played by Abdul Aziz Hello When last we left our heroes, they found themselves in the surf town of Little Sur attempting to make two weird people fall in love They took a quest from the town's mayor, Little Sur, a tiny cat with a bowler hat Ving ended up talking to him and it turns out that he's been waging some sort of battle against rats in the town It does not appear to have been like a huge problem for the rest of the town Just the cats Just the cat Yeah, makes sense So in doing so they found out that the fish stocks were being sabotaged by Brenda, owner of Vegetable Town plus Cheezus Plus Cheezus, yeah Because she was in love with the town's fish smoker, Gregom It's crazy how like we like broke like an all-powerful being out of a wizard jail And then the stakes just keep getting higher It's crazy Yeah, well I mean like I will do anything for smoked fish Well it's like, think about it, like if you found, if Jesus returned Okay, if, who's in the sky?

Here, he's If Jesus returned Sean's Catholic Sean means when everybody, don't worry When Jesus returns When Jesus returned and you guys were the only three people that knew about it And you knew that people would lose their minds Would you be like, we should tell everyone right now Yeah, we'd start an Instagram page and we'd try and sell culottes Jesus branded culottes, Christ, Christ-a-lots What are those? Yeah, what's a culotte?

They're pants Yeah, they're like pants that Oh, the wide things Yeah, I hate them They're like capris, wide, big wide capris, yeah? Oh, big wide capris Why don't they just wear a dress or like a kilt or something? Yeah, or like how Jesus would wear them?

Yeah, or like how Jesus did it Yeah Culottes Culottes Yeah, so that's where we are now The last thing that happened is you came back, Perel made a love potion He describes sort of how love potions work where it's like, it's not like you make somebody fall in love with somebody It's you remove the obstacles of love that already exists, blah, blah, blah That's cool He's pretty sure that he did it right That's the last thing that he said is I'm pretty sure that this will work Wow And then you put Perel in a diaper and gave him a hat Oh yeah And that's where we are now Why did we do that?

Because we didn't want people to think he was a wizard? Well, because Perel was like I can't just leave this tent in an animated robe because his robe has images that move Oh, yeah He's like that's a pretty clear indication that I am magical So to make it so that he didn't draw attention to himself, we put him in a diaper?

Now don't look at me like that That was your idea This was your fucking idea You took a blanket that you bought for Billy You bought for Billy and you decided to wrap it around Perel's dick and balls And instead of the dick and balls, now he has a blanket diaper And like a sun hat And Crocs on Yeah He always had the Crocs on Yeah So that's where we are, you're walking from like the tent to Little Sur It's getting to like evening, like the sun's starting to dip a little bit lower There's a bunch of…

Oh, those are the Crocs Are the rats falling? Yeah, he stepped in a puddle Oh, God I hate these shoes, they're so loud when they get moist Let's hurry up everybody So what was the plan again? Wasn't it like they were in a boat? Like Brenda and Gregom?

Oh, yeah Someone on a romantic boat ride Like a date The plan I think was to lure them to the boat Oh, okay Yeah And then like set up a little picnic or something And then just absolutely drown the food in this potion Does Mears have a bunch of extra food cooked? Uh, well… Mears! Yeah? Whip up something fucking romantic What? What? Why? What food do you already have ready?

Uh, I made like some egg tarts I've got some just like chopped peppers and some meats Meats and cheeses Spaghetti What about spaghetti? Spaghetti Okay, I can make spaghetti I don't have it on hand That's the most romantic food Yeah Yeah What about some oysters? Oh, we could steal some smoked oysters Oh, that's a good idea Oh, okay So Billy's gonna go to the smokehouse and steal some oysters?

Yeah Okay, perfect Then Mears is like, okay, give me like 40 minutes, I need to make spaghetti What, from scratch? It takes like 10 minutes to boil the pasta He's like, okay, just give me some time Okay, okay And he runs back to the tent Thank you You're welcome Okay, and then Tuck and Bing are gonna what? I think we should probably go get that canoe from the general store Oh, right Because the whole date's gonna be in a canoe, right?

Uh-huh Because we know that Gregom likes fishing And Brenda will do fucking anything She's a psycho All right, so we will start with Billy Uh, yeah So Billy's gonna run off to the smokehouse? Do we do a thing where we're like, all right, we all know what we're doing?

Break Yeah And then we all run And then there's different like frame and frame things like Ocean's Eleven, like Billy scurrying off to the smokehouse We all go in different directions and then Bing remembers that he's going with Tuck and then he circles around and joins Tuck I like that Yeah, it's like break and you all walk away and it's from the top down and then you see, a couple seconds later, you see Bing go back the other way Like, look at this clinging of jars In that frame and frame, we're gonna go to the smokehouse Yeah, we're gonna go to the smokehouse In that frame and frame thing, it's like Billy, Tacoma and Bing And then you see Mirrors is just like slowly chopping Yeah Like, we're all doing like intense stuff and Mirrors is like chop, chop, chop And then it cuts to Perel and he's just like adjusting his diaper Standing in the middle of the town, like waving at people that walk by like, hi With a clock, and a clock at the bottom left-hand corner of the screen Yeah, yeah, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick Because 40 minutes Yeah, we only have 40 minutes before the Spaghetti's done?

Oh, yeah, this is great Yeah, I guessed that Yeah, no, I love spaghetti countdown Spaghetti countdown If the spaghetti's not fresh, nobody's gonna want a bone Have you ever seen loose, cold spaghetti? Yes It is an immediate boner killer One time I had it, my dick was so hard, I was gonna die And they just showed me cold spaghetti Dear son, fuck the spaghetti Yeah, who, in what situation was your boner being so hard? You're gonna die a problem?

And also, why did they show you loose spaghetti to solve it? It got, it got stung by, uh, like a, a, a porno scorpion What the fuck is that? Is it a, is it a scorpion? Okay, we're gonna talk about scorpions This is the outlander move Tell me about Porn scorpion Scorpion Yeah, I just don't know It's hard, yeah Yeah Scor-por-pornian No! I just, I like porn scorpion Porn scorpion There's a porn scorpion What does it do?

Porn scorpions are kind of smart So, they, what they do is they sneak into like porn stores then they steal porn Okay And they hold it up in their like claws and they run up to you And then when your dick gets hard, and they show it to you, then when your dick gets hard they sting And their sting is like a love potion to make you, it's like a Viagra sting It is kind of a Viagra sting It's what I was, what I thought it was gonna be Was just a Viagra sting?

It was a scorpion that's venom is an aphrodisiac No Not a scorpion that sneaks into a store, grabs pornography On, on tablets And is just like, hey, look at this Look Well, we, magazines exist Yeah Yeah So, I guess there's like wide scale printing still Betamax?

Betamax Yeah Whatever that is It runs up with one of those little like flip up DVD players with porn playing on it Like, hey, look at the screen, look at the screen No way, mister, nice try I'm gonna sting your boner Yeah, they catch mostly teenage boys who are like willing to risk it Wait, and then what, they eat them? Like, what's the purpose?

That's the only way they can get their rocks off, to make more porn scorpions Yeah It's their weird little thing It's part of their mating ritual Part of their mating ritual A male will do that and then like they'll like clack around to like attract a female And then they'll like kind of gesture to this like erect dick Mm-hmm And that's really turgid because of the extra porn scorpion venom that's in that And then the lady scorpion is just like, nice In places where there's a lot of porn scorpions, there's also a lot of cold spaghetti being sold That's the only antidote Oh yeah, because it's McCall and it's hot, so they're like, who wants hot spaghetti?

Yeah, true Nobody eats hot spaghetti in McCall, it's too hot Yeah, they're selling cold spaghetti off the back of like little Motorcycles Motorcycles First aid motorcycles Yeah What do they ride in McCall?

They ride in Centaurs Oh, right Because Abdul has determined that we talked about this a long time ago that Centaurs in McCall are like half camel, but the human half is like very unsettling looking like they're really like flabby Like they're really fat, hairy Yeah Like they always have gold chains Yep But they still have like crazy camel teeth, so their like teeth are huge Big jowls Yeah Hello, welcome to my carpet Yeah I'm a carpet store This isn't racist because I'm doing an impression of my uncle If we ever go to McCall in the game, I need you to give me permission to do an impression of your uncle We can just call him up If we're gonna get through this Uncle Mustafa Your uncle's name is Mustafa?

Yeah That's awesome One of them Oh, I guess you, yeah, you have more than one One of your uncle's Mustafa is named Mustafa? Yeah What? Oh my god Do you actually have 13 uncles? People in Egypt fuck like crazy Holy shit Cool Wait, you actually have 13 uncles? Yeah Do you have any aunts?

Oh no, I have 13 uncles and aunts Oh, okay Sorry, the women just look like men Oh my family But your sister's so pretty Yeah, she's really pretty Good dude She's not lucky Oh, gross So people just ride these like half person, half camel centaurs?

Yeah, you pay them Oh, I see, they hire people to ride them Yeah Oh, I see, they hire people to ride them Yeah Oh, I see, they hire people to ride them Yeah Oh, I see, they hire people to ride them Yeah Oh, I see, they hire themselves out Yeah, it's a rough ride Have you ever seen a camel run? Mm-hmm And their fucking wingdings are flapping around all over the place Because they still have human penises?

Yeah In between the front legs And the back legs I thought you were gonna say in between the humps Just hold on to my dick there Oh, that's too many penises Oh my god Even honestly thinking about one on these things is too many penises Yeah I'm gonna say this Porn scorpions, everybody You get a point of experience for that, unfortunately Oh, cool Wow Well, because there's some stuff in there that I will decide to use Later, when you're all alone Honestly, aphrodisiac scorpion is pretty funny Yeah Holding up porn to distract people But that's what Tuck said, so it's canon I feel like that's the I think That's the mythos of it Yeah, like Tuck has heard that they do this Yeah But he's also, as a teenager, he definitely got stung by one One time, he was like, oh, I'm gonna do this I'm gonna do this I'm gonna do this I'm gonna do this I'm gonna do this I'm gonna do this I'm gonna do this I'm gonna do this Oh, yeah, there's a Yeah, I went to an apothecary and they put a bunch of cold spaghetti on my wiener.

Oh, yeah, there's an apothecary in McCall that's like, oh, yeah, we see this all the time. Come to the spaghetti room. There's about eight strands of spaghetti. Did you see that video of the crab with the knife? It's like that. Yeah. Have you seen that video? No. It's just a crab walking around with a steak knife in one claw like that. He's trying to stab the person who's trying to grab the knife. He's like waving the knife around in his claw like that. Yeah, it's pretty good. But with porn.

But with porn. Spectacular. So, yeah, there's a time constraint now. Oh, right, yeah. It's within 40 minutes. I think we're like 30 minutes down. Yeah, I've just been talking. Yeah, to Vang about porn scorpions. Well, we'll go to Billy first. So, Billy, what's Billy's plan? The smokehouse is there. It's all low and mud covered. Yeah, where's the hole I can get through? There's the rat hole. All right, let's go through the rat hole. There's the rat hole.

There's also chimneys that have smoke pouring out of them. Let's go through the rat hole. Okay, it's pretty small. You just jammed your little hand through there last time. So, you're gonna have to make it bigger if you want to get in. All right, let's dig. Help me, little sir. Okay, so defy danger. Dig. Yeah, what would this be? Strength, I guess. Defy danger, strength. Five. Okay. Okay. I think so. What, Billy's just like poking. He's just like poking at the mud, like trying to rip it up.

Yeah, he's trying to dig through to make the hole bigger. Yeah. Like a dog would. So, what happens is you're like digging, and you're digging at the edges of the wall, trying to make it a little bit bigger too. And then part of the wall like collapses, because it's just like mud covered. So, it just goes like, and then you see cracks start forming up the side of the wall. Oh, shit. And yeah, that wall like begins collapsing right in front of you. Okay.

So, this side of the wall, like smoke starts pouring out of the crack. Oh, fuck. And there's like a little bit that just kind of caves in. And you hear, what the hell? What the gold? The son of a. And you hear a bang as like Gregom comes bursting out of the front door. Oh, damn. Because what's going on? I just somebody did a fucking with my wall. I'm going to hide, I guess. Okay. Defy danger, dexterity, I guess. Or climb. Climb the hole? Okay. Well, you can't get in through the side.

So, you'd be climbing the wall. To go up to the roof. To go up to the roof, basically. Fine. All right, little sir. I'm going to put my leg up. Eight. Plus dexterity. Oh. Ten. Hell yeah. Yeah. Jessica's facial expression was the exact same, except her eyebrows went fucking bananas. Yeah. She was stone faced when she said eight. And then I said plus dexterity. And she said ten. And then her eyebrows just went. So, yeah. You zip up the wall.

And I would, honestly, if you didn't get a ten, I wasn't going to let you bring little sir with you. But little sir scampers up the wall next to you. He sure does. And you hide. You get over the lip of the roof. Just as Gregom comes around the corner, you can kind of see and smell him. Okay. And you see a little bit of smoke coming off of his body. And he's just like, what's going on? No, not my wall. My smoke house. And he's like trying to pile it up and patch wall.

And he's just like puts his hands on his hips. It's like. And he just, he walks away. He leaves. Oh. Yeah. Well, down the chimney I go. Up on the rooftop. Clop, clop, clop. Clop. Clop. I'm going to go down the chimney top. Down through the chimney I'm going to squeeze. And I'm going to land on my knees. Ho, ho, ho. Ho, ho, ho. Let us go. Ho, ho, ho. Ed Billy is singing this. And then he's also interjecting like rub a dub in tub up.

So you get to like a little chimney that smoke is just pouring out of. You can't see what's at the bottom. But it's just smokey as fuck. I don't care. Rub-a-dub-dub in the tub of love. Down I go. We're gonna go. Yeah, 2D6 plus dexterity for this, too. Oh, no. Oh, my God. Six. Six. Did Billy go in head first or butt first? He went in butt first. Okay, thank God. Yeah. So do you think he's falling or does he get stuck? He gets stuck. Okay.

So what happens is Billy barely gets in the top of the chimney and his little butt gets stuck like wedged. Little butt? Yeah. Little compared to a person, big compared to a halfling. And he just gets wedged and the smoke stops coming out of the chimney. Oh, no. And Billy's just like, smoked butt. Yeah. And you can feel your butt's getting really warm. Oh, no. Not from like fire, but just smoky. Oh, no. Does Lil Sir assist me? No, he does not. Okay.

This cat is like barely comprehending what you want it to do. Okay. Because it doesn't understand you. Okay. It can talk to Ving, but it does not understand you. Lil Sir. Go get Ving. And I do elf ears. Yeah. And the cat's just looking at you. Please. Wide eyed. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Go for help. Meow. And Lil Sir does that thing where like the cats do where he kind of flops onto his side and starts licking his paw. Okay.

So at that, we'll cut back to Tuck and Ving while Billy figures out what to do. Now that he's stuck in this chimney. Is that a racist gesture for the elves? Probably. Probably. Yeah. Is Tuck doing this in general story? I'm like, is it racist if people are like, you know, an elf and then they pull their ears up? I mean, to elves it is. Yeah. No, not unless like you're an elf. Yeah. To elves. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And Perel's just poking through the shelves. So what are we doing here? Oh, we're getting a canoe. Hmm. Yeah. So we go up to my good man. The guy at the counter was Bertram Brody. Oh, fuck. Bartleby. Bartleby. It was Bartleby. Yeah. Yep. Yeah. Bartleby's just sitting there. He's doing the same thing. He's spinning a dagger on the counter. Yeah. We need a canoe. But quick. One coin. What? Everything's one coin. It's a dollar store. Let's go.

Canoe. One coin. Great. Okay. Do you have any blankets? Pillow? Pillows. One coin. Candles. One coin. Okay. Well, this is easier. We don't have to talk to this guy. Let's go around the store and get everything we want. Count up the items and give him the exact amount of coins. Well, yeah. What do we need to make this as romantic as possible? Pillows. Blankets. Do you have any of those porn scorpions? Do you have a porn scorpion? I'm asking Tuck. Okay. Oh, me? No.

Some people carry porn scorpion on them. I don't need to. I don't have that problem. All the old guys in the store are like… Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Bartleby's like, what's porn scorpion? It's like if you have trouble getting your dick hard. I buy it 10 coins. I don't have it. He like pats the counter like… Do you ever trade with anyone from McCall? Oh, McCall? Yeah. Yeah. Once in a while. Yeah. Just ask them for porn scorpions. Oh, all right. It gets your dick real hard. You're from McCall?

I'm from McCall. You got porn scorpion? No, I don't. I just said it. Any points? It being, you got porn scorpion? No. I just heard about it. He looks at Perel down the counter and Perel's like, no. So yeah, one coin. Everything in the store. So blankets, pillows. Candles. Candles. The canoe. Condoms. Condoms. Oh, no. He uses fish. Skin? What else? What else is sexy? We clearly don't know. Silky things? Do you have any porn? Oh, yeah. Okay. And he grabs a, he just puts a crate on the counter.

Okay. How much for the whole crate? Oh, I'd have to count one coin per. Oh, no. I think we'll just take the best one. Which one's the best one? Bartleby? Well, that's really up to you. That's specific to him, isn't it? Yeah. And I don't think I want to know that about Bartleby. You don't. He just puts down the one. Yeah. Slowly. He sticks his arm up to the elbow on the counter, pulls one out, puts it under the counter. Yeah. Okay. I'm just going to get Mud Affairs. All right.

Oh, and some, something to, like, incense. Oh, yeah. That's a good idea. To mask the fish smoke. Just because she, it's a little triggering for her. Yeah, probably. What? Do you have any music bottles? Oh, yeah. He does. Yeah? Yeah. Yeah. One corn. Any points over it. Okay. Let's go over and try and find the sexiest music we can find. Okay. Okay. Yeah. There's a huge crate of glass bottles. Full of music. And we cut back to Billy stuck in the chimney with little sir not concerned at all.

All right. I will try a move to get out of here. All right. Let's see. Do you have any moves that apply to this? No. I'm going to try, though. Trap expert. Trap expert. Oh, yeah. Yeah. He's also really good at peeing his pants. Yeah. True. Okay. How can I lube up? Well, do you have? Do you have, like, I don't know, adventuring gear or something like that? Oh, I do. Because you can always mark off a use of adventuring gear. What's an adventuring gear? Ropes. That's it.

I would say there's, like, probably, like, lard or something like that. You know what I mean? Some sort of lubricant. Oh, yes. Lard and rope. It's basically whatever you want to be an adventuring gear that could reasonably be in there. Like, you can't be, like, a handgun. I feel like your adventuring gear would be, like, five uses of lard. Yeah. That's a lot of lard. Yeah. That's a lot of lard. That's a lot of lard. That's a lot of lard. Adventuring gear is, like, a bunch of fucked up stuff.

It's like, where do you even find this? And chocolate chips. Yeah. Yeah. There's just an iPhone in there. What the fuck is this? So, okay. Yeah. I have a brick of lard. I have another brick of lard. Two bricks of lard? That's going to be two. Oh, okay. Just one. Okay. Let's put that lard back. One lard. Start rubbing it on myself. And I'm going to, like, lift myself up and down. Uh-huh. To, like, move the lard around. I'm glad nobody's watching. Yeah.

Because it's just you, like, greased up, like. Yeah. What the fuck is that kid doing? Okay. Am I trying to squeeze down or up? I guess up. Are you going up or down? Down. Okay. All right. So, it's another defy danger to charity. Okay. Please. Yeah. Yeah. Tim. Tim. So, with the power of lard. Yeah. Yeah. You've lubed yourself up sufficiently. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You just start sliding down. And then you're really picking up speed. Yeah.

And you just come out of the bottom like, boop. Oh, man. You smell exactly like a smoked oyster. I sure do. And I'm so. My whole bottom is so blackened. Oh, yeah. You're just, like, smoked from the bottom down. Greasy and smoked. You land on a rack of fish and just annihilated. Sorry. But there's nobody in here. Gregham's left. Yeah. I apologize to the fish. Oh. So, yeah. You're just in a pile of fish in a really smoky place. But you're under the smoke line. So. So Billy can see pretty well.

All right. Let's put those goggles on. So Billy is when he said, let's put the goggles on. He just put his fingers around his eyes. That's usual. Discern realities. So yeah, discern realities. 2D6 plus wisdom. Seven. Oh, thank God. So you get one question. All right. Where is the oysters? What here is useful or valuable to me would likely be the question. Yeah. What's useful or valuable to me?

So it's mostly fish, but you do find in the corner of one tunnel, a little rack that has little tiny oysters hanging off hooks. Beautiful. I go get those. Snag, snag, snag. How many do you take? Like whatever can fit in my bag. Okay. Yeah. So like 35. Okay. Yeah. So you have a good amount of smoked oysters. Just loose in your bag. Yep. Per usual. All right. And yeah, accomplished. You have little sir. You're in. You're out. You're out of sight of Gregom who has come to like try and fix his wall.

I feel so bad for Gregom. There's just smoke pouring out of one side of the smokehouse. Oh man. But you've got your oysters. Off we go. All right. And we'll cut back to general store where you guys are digging through a pile of bottles. Yeah. What do you think the sexiest kind of music is? Ring my heart. No. Too depressing. Okay. I don't want to be anything. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Fuck me like a metamorphosis. I am a butterfly. You are a cocoon. I like that. Yeah.

That one's pretty good. Yeah. Fuck me like a metamorphosis. It's also got a grumbly voice, which I think she'll like. Oh yeah. Because it's like him. Yeah. And then what's the, what is he like? Fish? Fish, fish, fish. Well, let's just get both of these. Perfect. And then pour them, put them both into like the same bucket. Ooh, a Bentley bucket. Yeah. And make it, yeah. Make a music medley. The fuck? You can make a music medley out of putting two music bottles into a bucket.

Sometimes it turns into brown sound. It's just a tone that nobody likes. It's how they made the gray album. So lame. Gandalf, the gray album. All right. It's cool again. I thought so. Great. So yeah, you go up to the counter with those bottles. How many coins is all of this? Well, how many bottles? Two bottles. Two coins. Blanket. One coin. Pillow. One coin. Four candles. Four candles. Four coins. Three bottles of wine. Three coins. Right. Two cups. Two cups. Two coins.

Chocolate covered strawberries. Oh, how many? One dozen. Twelve coins. Oh my God. Unless, and this is, I shouldn't tell you this. Yeah. You put them in one box. One coin. How much are boxes? One coin. Okay. Well, you get a box. Okay. Cool. So that's two coin. We're at like 15 coin now. The canoe is 16. 16 coins. Yeah. And the condoms are free. Condom. I'm going to assume that Greg has condoms. Oh, you don't know Greg. Okay. We'll get some condoms.

I also, as we were leaving, I saw a spaghetti squash that was shaped like kind of like a lady's body. So I. Added that to the basket. Cause it's kind of sensual. Like tuck just like in this. Yeah. Cause I'm like, yeah, I like those shapes. Let me guess. One coin. One coin. Let's go make these other people. Fuck. All right. Thanks for coming. Have a good day. You too. See you soon. Probably. And he pulls the magazine back out from under the counter. Puts his big crate of pornography back.

As we walk out, he turns the sign to be back in five minutes. And turns a little. Clock to two minutes. And yeah. So as you're leaving, Perel is there too. He just has watched this whole thing. He's been trying not to be seen because he thinks that his diaper outfit is actually drawing more attention to him than it would otherwise. I'm starting to feel like I should have just worn my robe. I feel like a grown man wearing a diaper is much more conspicuous.

For some reason, Tacoma is able to pull it off, but. Doesn't really work for me. Just because you're dressed like a big baby doesn't mean you have to act like one. You. That was pretty funny. Let's go. I like that he responds to Burns like a substitute teacher. Like, oh, you kids. You're going to be the best. At least you're thinking. Yeah. And you see Billy come hustling up the street with little sir and 100% just brown from the waist down. Did you have diarrhea again? No, I got nothing.

And you look. You look behind further down the lane. And you see just a huge column of smoke pouring up from one building. I didn't do it. You set something on fire. No. Okay. I run away. You run away to the tent. Okay. Billy's got a good head start. He's just like. Oh, man. That lard with all the smoking flavor. Yeah. Mears is going to be all over putting that in the jar. But it's all over Billy's legs. I mean, he can ring a ling and stuff. That's the full wash. I was wearing pants.

I went inside. Good pants. I went inside. All right. And you guys make it back to the tent. Yeah. What's the timer at? That all took like 25 minutes. All right. We only have 15 minutes left. Yeah. Shit. Mears, how's the biscotti going? I got 15 minutes left or so. Is it too late to throw the squash in? Throw the squash in the spaghetti? No, no, no. I want to leave it out. It's personal. Looks like a lady. Are we? Can we throw this in? No, I'm going to hold on to that. No, wait, wait, wait.

I'm going to put it in my corner of the room. In your corner of… I forget that you guys just have chose to sleep in this living room. Yeah. So you throw it in the side with Francis? Well, no, I have a shelf. That's my stuff. There's like a couple of bottles of music on there. And then there's… A shattered bass guitar. It's not shattered. Just strings are all ripped. So all the strings are on there. And a squash that looks kind of like a lady. Yeah.

And then I take a little piece of charcoal and I draw a face on the top. Oh, my God. And Perel is just staring wide-eyed like… You know I can turn that into a real lady for you. Yeah, you want a squash lady? No, I just like the squash, you creep. No, it would be… Anyways, spaghetti time. Yeah, Mears is like, I need like 15, 20 more minutes. Okay, yeah, let's start filling up the boat with all our shit. Cool, yeah. So what's everybody doing in the… Like, tell me how this canoe…

This love canoe takes shape. We put a crate in there for a table. And then let's arrange the platter of spaghetti when it's done. The strawberries around it. Oysters. And then the oysters around those. Oh, wait, what? You're like wringing the spaghetti? With strawberries and then you wring the strawberries with oysters. Mandala. Yeah. Concentric circles are the sexiest thing, yeah. Wow. So what else is in there? Put the pillows on either side. And then the blankets up to the edge.

Yeah, and a candle on the bow and a candle in the stern. And then also candles in the table in the middle. Because we got four. So you're like melting those so they stay? Yeah. I take the two bottles and I put them in a bucket. Oh, nice. Yeah. So you open up the corks and you dump them in the bucket? No, no, no. I put them in the bucket with ice. Oh, I see. Yeah. That's classy. And then I also put the wine bottles in there. Wait, you put the music bottles… In a bucket with ice? Yeah.

To keep it fresh. It just looks cool. And it gives it kind of like… Crispy. It remixes it to more of a techno vibe. Wow. I love that this is a world where we were like magic doesn't exist. But this music bottle thing, we've just gone fucking buck wild. It's like cell phones. It seems like magic. Music is different. Music is different in this world where it has like a tangible aspect to it. Yeah. If you change the temperature, it changes the kind of music.

If you make music really hot, it's all country. And it smells like… It smells like horses. Wow. Incredible. Room temperature music smells like… Teen spirit. Yeah. Very good. All right. So the Love Canoe has been… It's this like candle barge with the concentric circle meal in the middle. And then a bucket of music. Chilled music. Yeah. And some wine. Chilled wine. Wonderful. Bing paints on the back, B and G fuck canoe. Yeah. Hell yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wonderful.

And yeah, once you're done that, Mears is like, okay, all right. Oh, I don't have a colander. And he's like holding a pot. Like, what do I do? Here. And then I take… Billy, can I borrow one of your knives? Yeah. I take it. I just stab a bunch of holes in the bottom of the pot. He's like, no. Roll for that. Yeah, roll for that. The pot's not trying to get away. Is Mears trying to get away? He's trying to get the pot away.

No, he knows that if he tried to get away from this, it would be so much worse. So all the spaghetti water just falls on the table. On the tent floor. Yeah, basically. And Francis kind of lumbers up from his sleeping position and waddles over and starts licking the pasta water off the ground. See, the problem is dealing with itself. Having Francis in the tent is like when you have a dog and you forget you have to clean floors. So yeah, you've got the spaghetti. Mears throws the sauce on there.

He made a really nice sauce with peppers and mushrooms and some fresh herbs that he found outside. Are there meatballs? There's like ground meat. Oh, dang it. Ground meat. Meat that he found on the ground. Okay. Yeah. I get, after he platters it or plates it, I get in there with my hands and I make a dick shape with the meat. She's doing it now. Just form it. Yeah. So Billy's just making like a wiener shape out of the beef or whatever.

Ving and I are watching it happen and we're like, I feel like we might have let him see too many things. That's accurate meat. What? Dick. And the, uh. We might have to have the birds and the. And then he looks at us and we were just like, looks great, buddy. Yeah. Great meat, dick. It looks good. Yeah. Should I add more? No, no, no, no, no, no. Make it bigger? More. Yeah, I'll do that. Should I add more veins? Oh my God. He's putting like spaghetti. Oh my God. Somebody needs a trim.

This episode is going to be so fucking weird. Putting some parsley around the balls to be like. Oh my God. Yeah. Oh, geez, Louise. Yeah. And so the love canoe, the fuck canoe has been assembled. Yeah. We're going to dump the potion all over everything. Yeah. So Perel is like, man. Yeah, go for it. Go ahead.

And he takes the potion, which he moved into one of Ving's mason jars from the pot and he's got it just and he's like kind of swirling it to make sure that all the stuff is going to be evenly mixed. And then he starts spritzing all the food very like flashily. Like he's like little dash there, little dash over here, a little bit. And he puts his fingers in and goes, huh? He's kind of sprinkling it like the key to good potion work is just a little bit of flair. You know what I mean?

And then Tuck grabs it from him and just dumps it. No, no, no. Oh. Yeah. Oh boy. I appreciate your pizzazz. That. That was a lot. Well, this could be a pretty intense fuck to watch. Wait, I didn't know we were going to have to watch this. I thought we had to. Do we have to? Why would we? To make sure it happens? And he's like, and Perel thinks for a second. He's like, you know, now that I'm thinking about it, we already have the rats, right? Yeah. Are we just doing this to be like nice? Yeah.

It's like our good deed. Well, it's a deed. It is certainly a deed. All right, let's go. We're done. And he takes like there's the little bit of the potion left in the jar and he very carefully screws the lid back on and then puts it in a shelf and is like, nobody touch this. This is now potion shell. You should put a sign on it. Yeah. Okay. And he takes a post-it note and he writes on it and he sticks it to the thing with some spit that says potion, potion shell. I like that.

Over the last few weeks. The whole tent. The whole tent. We've been labeling different parts of it. Like there's Billy's room now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We actually can't cross. Like, for some reason, he just drew a charcoal line, but it's like a physical barrier. He's always a little bit in survival mode when he's living on the streets. And then, yeah, there's the danger room. There's a potion shelf. There's Tuck's shelf. Yep, true.

Ving has a crying place. Is it labeled? It's labeled, but it moves around the room. And Mears made a note that said, Francis's room, and put it on one side of the tent where Francis usually sleeps. Ving's crying place is actually, the label for it is on the cover of a Babysitter's Club book. Yeah, and so that's where we're at. The plan is now commencing. So you just take it down to the water? Yeah, just drag the canoe into the water.

Rose petals, rose petals, leading all the way down to the canoe. Yeah. Rose petals, rose petals. From the middle of town? Yeah. All right. From where they are. Scatter a few oysters as well, the ones I have left. I'm gonna go get Brenda. I'll go get Gregom. I will guard the boat. Perel's like, I'll go with Billy. Yeah. And so you just head down to the water. Well, you're at the water, I guess, because Tuck and Ving carry it down. And yeah, Perel's just standing with Billy.

Tuck, you go to Vegetable Town plus Cheeses. I walk in. Yeah, Brenda's there. And she's like, how's it going? It's ready. Oh. Oh. Okay. Wait, what's ready? We set up a date for you guys. There's a bunch of love potion on everything. Okay. So here's what we're gonna do. There's a bunch of blankets in the canoe. We're gonna hide you in it. Okay. Yeah. And then Ving's gonna get Gregom. We're gonna put Gregom in the canoe and we're gonna push it out. And then that's when you pop out. All right.

I'll do my best. Yeah. Okay. All right. I'm so excited. I'll… Oh, sweet Gregom. I'm coming. Are you gonna wear that? What? My frock? Yeah. Should I not? It really smells like rats. Okay. Oh, yes. Of course. Okay. I'll be back. Wear something that's like, I don't know, makes your bits jiggle or whatever. Don't you worry, young man. Okay. I will. Okay. And she scurries off to the back. So we cut back to Ving and Ving's going to the smokehouse. Yeah.

He's really nonchalantly walking up to the smokehouse. Just like walks in. Just like… Ugh. And Gregom's not inside. You hear him muttering around the side where like all the smoke is pouring out. And he's like, God dang wall's falling over. Ah, the wall looks great, man. Hey, look at that. It's evening. You know what's the best time for evening? What? Fishing. Let's go fishing. Oh, I can't fish. I gotta fix this god dang wall. What are you talking about? The wall looks great.

Look at this wall fall over. Okay. Elemental mastery. Okay. So elemental mastery is what? When you call on the primal spirits of fire, water, earth, or wall to perform a task, you roll plus wisdom. On 10 plus, choose two. On seven to nine, choose one. On miss, nothing happens. Okay. Except catastrophes. Yeah, catastrophe happens. Oh, 12. Holy shit. Wow. Wow. That's wisdom. Okay. So he's just talking about… 14. 14.

So he's just talking about the wall and Gregom's saying, Oh, what about the wall? And it's just instantly perfect. Yeah. Yeah. But on a 10 plus, you still choose two instead of three. So the three that you get to choose from are the effect you desire comes to pass, which you probably naturally want. You avoid paying nature's price and you retain control. Oh, I'll pay nature's price. Okay. So you do that.

You call on the spirits of earth and mud and shit to like fix the wall and it just solidifies. And the crystals on your hand creep a little bit further up your arms. Worth it. Worth it. Yeah. They creep just a little bit further. What the fuck? Yeah. Nice. And Gregom's like, Oh, hey. And he's like patting the wall. Like, Oh, this is a nice wall. This is a nice wall you did. You want to go pound some fish? Oh, nothing Gregom like more than pound fish. You guys darn right. Let's go.

Let's go pound a fish. Yeah. And he lights up a fish like a little anchovy. He throws it in his mouth. He's like, Let's go. I'm good. All right. And yeah, he follows you. Great. To the canoe. What's Billy been up to? Billy has been, been doing Perel's lectures. Yeah. That's what I was thinking is Perel's like, Okay, so, you know, the glass we're thinking maybe the glass has been a magical catalyst. Billy, please. Billy, please. Billy. Hey, Billy. Magic. No. Okay, fine. All right.

I guess somebody doesn't want to learn how to be a wizard. I do, but it's so hard. And this mud is so soft. And look at the bed I made. I think Billy's just made a little mud. Yeah. Yeah. And he's like, put all his limbs stuck in the mud. Look at my bed. He's like, Oh, okay, fine. Well, I guess if you don't want to learn how to do magic, I can't make you. I want to know some stuff. No, you don't. It's boring. I'm boring. Yes, you are.

But let me tell you, you could probably be less boring if you tried harder. Oh, yeah. How would I, how would I do that, Billy? Like saying things that are faster and like easier, smaller words. Okay. Uh, so you're, you know, your glass, the ring that Chamberlain gave you. Yeah. It might make you better at magic. Really? Do you want to learn how to do cooler magic? Yes. Like what?

I guess like getting what I want more or like, I want to learn how to protect myself and make sick weapons out of my hands. I want those beams of light back in my hands. Cool. And Perel's like, Oh, I don't know. I don't know. So that's okay. That's mostly like shields would be like abjuration magic. Oh, there he goes again. Okay, Billy. All right. No, I understand what you mean, but those are, those are more combat oriented magical styles. That's something he scratches his chin.

Like I'd have to think about that. Well, you do that and I'm going to go eat some of this grass. No, don't. Why? Cause I'm hungry. God, I threw all the oysters on the ground. And at this, you see, uh, you see, tucking Brenda coming up as you're going to eat a handful of grass. Oh, Hey guys, tuck. You see Billy trying to eat a handful of grass. Billy. I stole a bunch of cheese from Brenda's store. Don't let her see it. I slide it down.

Cause I, in my mind, when we were leaving, I was like, I think Billy skipped second lunch. He's going to be starving. It's going to be so cranky. Yeah. And Brenda sees the canoe and she's like, Oh my Lord, it's wonderful. He'll love it. Thank you so much. Yeah. You're welcome. Get the fuck it. What is she wearing? She's wearing, uh, corset, like a leather corset that really pushes things up. Whoa. Like a classic, like fantasy maiden sort of outfit. That's just so over the top.

It's got like little fabric flowers, like on the skirt, which is very flowy. Cut the buns off her head like earlier today. So she's got crazy short hair, but it's really like stuck out on the sides. Cause the sides are very unruly, but the top is kind of slick. It's very strange looking. Made Mary and Pixie dream girl. Yeah. She tried to fix it, but it did not go well. Okay. So now I hide in the boat. Yeah. Get in, get on the blanket. Yeah.

You hear when we push it out, pull both of the music things. Okay. Can do. Okay. And she dives into the boat. Bean can see that she's, yeah. Like she's still not under the thing. So he's like, we're getting closer to the shore. We're just like put piling blankets over. I'm just like, Oh yeah. Okay, man. Yeah. And Greg, I'm just like, all right. Yeah. You're going to scare all the fish away. Got quite a, quite a nighttime. Fishing's all about silence. Okay, man. We're on your time now. Yeah.

Greg, I'm time. I'm time after dark. So here's the canoe. It's old. The fishing rods are under the blanket. No need to lift them up. Now you get in first and I'll untie us and send us out to sea. Why is it so? Ah, there's so many candles. And he just like, yes, we don't want, we're going to be catching fish. Anyways, up, up, up. And okay, here we go. You're away and you're off. Oh, shoot. Oh no. I let go of the canoe. Oh, Greg, no. Hold on. Hold on. Oh, the paddles are over here.

He's paddling with his hands. Elementary mastery of moving the water. Oh, sick idea. Oh, nice. Uh, 10. And I will pay nature's price again. Okay. The desire is just get the water to push the boat. Yeah. It's like a, like the, a soft surf rolling in the shore, but it's rolling. It's rolling out. Oh yeah. So yeah, the spirits of water pick it up and just go like, so your hands are getting pretty crystal. There's like, and they basically like come up out of your skin. Yeah. Yeah.

And you feel that looks cool, but that's not great. Yeah. So now it's like, what do we think? Like a little bit past the, how far was it before? It was, it was, it felt like just wrist. Yeah. So now it's like a little bit past your wrist. Yeah. Oh, it's worth it. Yeah. Yeah. And, uh, Greg, I'm like, Oh, what's going on? And then Brenda pops out. She's like, Greg, my love. And, uh, Greg, I'm turns around. It's like, I told you you can only, that's the thing is they're so far away.

Now you can hear like, yeah, Billy's doing the binoculars. Yeah. Billy can hear it pretty well. Brenda said, Oh, Greg, my love. And then Greg said, Oh, Brenda. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And we're kind of getting half the covers. Yeah, but it's big and it's big. Well, actually, you know what, Jessica, you tell me what happens. Okay. So Billy's relaying this to tuck and Bing. Okay. And Perel. I'm not very good at improvising. I'll do my best. Oh, no, we trust you. Okay. Greg, I'm saying, Oh, the wall.

And then Brenda's like, they're your oysters. You should try one. Mm. And then Brenda eats one. And then Brigham's Greg says, Oh, is he eating it? Yeah, he's eating it. I did. Yeah, he ate it. Okay. Um, Oh, okay. Brenda's reaching over and she's touching. They're kissing. Okay. Okay. They're kissing really hard. We're trying to grab his hand. He's touching her, but Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, the way is things work. Even if as we grab it, he can still see. Yeah, and you pull it away in his eye.

His like irises are just huge. Oh, my God. God, they got naked so fast. And as I could be bitten by porn scorpion as, as like, as it's happening where I, we have grabbed Billy and are running away from the overshadow. Looking back, still look at any screaming encouragement. Yeah, now the left one, maybe slow down though. And this pumping so fast, the canoe, but the sun sets and you can see just silhouetted by the sun and candles and candles, just two human shapes doing it going nuts. Wow.

Greg, I'm just was trying to keep his heart safe. He loved his work, but now with the potion, allowing him to see Brenda, as he truly, he sees her. Oh man. Yeah. Wow. They fucked like animals and sunsets on the sea of graves. And we hear and townspeople look out over the water and they nod slowly and they go back to their homes and it's now nighttime in the sea of graves. And Perel stops and says, that might've been more of a sex potion than a love potion.

I'll, I'll have to take another look at that book. And I think that's where we're going to end it. Yeah, that's where we're going to end it for this week. Uh, my name is Sean O'Hara. I'm your game master playing being the half elf druid, Paul Oppers. Yeah. Bye. Fat Billy, the halfling thief, Jessica tie. Bye everyone. And Tacoma dome, the barbarian played by Abdul Aziz. So long. Uh, thanks to Wes for all the technical work, Abdul for all the editing.

Thanks to our incredible patrons for helping us reach our first, uh, monthly goal. We're so excited and also scared. And fuck you to the patron that increased his donation to fold $20 a month to make us hit our monthly goal. We thought we had easily two more weeks. So send me a fucking message with your phone number in it and I'll give you a call or come to your house so we can say thank you so much. And so I could fucking know. So we on your front lawn.

So we can say, thank you for all your amazing support. I just want to level up your life. Like you've leveled up ours. Jacob, you fucking dick. You're getting a second job. Jacob. Also check out a Spout Lore on Twitter or the fan group. If you want to see some truly insane fan art that came in recently, it's pretty good. And if you want to post more fan art, do it. I love it so much. Uh, and thank you to you for listening. We'll see you next time. Bye. Bye. And so ends the tale of adventures.

Three. Who tried the best? They can. Dumb and scared and lost. Maybe. But times of rest in. And though our journey may be. We will not leave you. Without a resolution. Return next week to hear some more. Whilst you commute. Or do your chores. And for you. I'd gladly. Spout Lore. Do you think it's a bad thing that I can't think of how to make something romantic? That's what I was just thinking, actually. I think. You can't think of how to make a D&D. What? Fuck canoe romantic? Yeah. Yeah.

A D&D fuck canoe. Welcome to Spout Lore. Everybody. D&D fuck canoe episode. The only. The. Genuinely. The only podcast in the world where you are likely to hear the words D&D fuck canoe.

Hi everybody, this is your Game Master Sean O'Hara. I'm here with everybody, Paul Oppers, Jessica Tai, and Abdul Aziz. We're just jumping in a little bit here to tell you that we've reached our first monthly goal on Patreon, $500 a month, which means that we have unlocked the first goal, which is that we will be recording and releasing a new monthly side game.

What we're going to do for our side game as of right now is we are going to try and play a Blades in the Dark campaign set in the High Spear Mall, where Abdul, Paul, and Jessica will play members of the Cool Treat Kids, competing for turf and jobs and candy sales territory against various small factions like the Hot Meat Boys and others. And this is obviously we'll have time to think about this because our plan is to do a character creation session at some point. This month. Oh, thank God.

So we'll do character creation, and then we'll probably try and do like a first episode and see how we're feeling after that. Well, I'm excited for them to have a mode of transportation around the mall. Something that rules us. Like a Segway? Yeah. Yeah. You guys do have a lair. Oh my God. You would have a lair as the Cool Treat Kids. I'm excited to talk more about the mall. I like this weird like post-apocalyptic magic mall. A lot of weird stuff in there. But.

Also, there's different like gangs. Like you guys can be assassins, bravos, a cult. Oh God. Hawkers is probably what Hawkers is what I was thinking initially, because that just means that you have a product that you sell. And then you have you can be shadows, which is just thieves. You're like you're a crew of thieves. You steal stuff for people. There's also smugglers. I like that. But smugglers is more about like having a vehicle and smuggling stuff from place to place.

I have the only vehicle the good Lord intended me to have my butthole. Yeah. So that's sort of where we're at right now. And that will be hopefully coming out sometime this September. And we'll learn more as you learn more. Well, thanks, everyone, for donating. Thank you so much, everybody, for your incredible support. And we'll talk to you soon. Gather round, friends. Let me tell you a tale of three heroes, noble and bold. A brute. A hero. A druid. And a thief who is but nine years old.

You know them by name. You know them by deed. Their quests are famously daring. So here I sit singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing. Tuck is the brute. He knows not his home. He loves to sing and fight. Fingers half-elf. He shifts his shape and wields a spear with great pride. Billy's a thief. His tiny size does mask the largest heart. Best and brightest. They may not be. But their friendship outweighs their smarts. So gather round, friends. And listen close.

For the tale's about to start. Welcome back, everybody. My name is Sean O'Hara. I am your game master for Spout Lore, a podcast that you're listening to. With me, as always, playing Ving the Druid. Paul Oppers. Do you want to try that again? No, I don't. Okay. That was exactly. The tone I wanted to strike with the intro. This is a podcast. And with me, as always, on Spout Lore, a podcast, colon, for people. Here is Paul Oppers playing Ving the Druid.

Jessica Tai playing Fat Blade the Halfling Thief. And Tacoma Dome played by Abdulaziz. I have literally no support or respect within the ecosystem of the podcast. And yet I leave it still. It smells like mothballs, Abdul. Sorry. I was eating mothballs earlier. When last we left our heroes, they had succeeded in making romance blossom between Gregom the fish smoker and Brenda, owner of Vegetable Town plus Cheeses in the town of Little Sir. And I mean, that was the focus of the whole episode.

Several episodes before it. I know, right? It was creating a situation in which these two middle-aged folks ended up banging in a canoe in the ocean. Stakes had never been higher. Yeah. Beautiful. But in doing so, you had inexplicably completed a quest handed down to you by mayor of Little Sir. Little Sir, a cat in a bowler hat. Because of that, the mayor has told Ving that you're allowed to take as much smoked fish as you want. Sick. Yeah, that was his deal.

He's like, you can have as much fish as you want. We're good. We're stacked. And he'll sit on your lap if you want. You can scratch him. Yes. You can have all the fish. All the cat cuddles you want. So, did you do that? Yeah, we took all the fish we wanted and pet that mayor. Yeah. Gregom wasn't even there to stop you because he was out in a canoe. That's right. Canoodling. Ah! Oh! Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. All those terrible. Brynn, Jessica did a pussy eating thing. I'm sorry.

You had to canoodle your tongue. Ah! Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Wonderful. We all did it. We all did it together as a family. Okay. Well, then I think that we maybe jump ahead a couple days. Mm-hmm. You continue along the coast of the Sea of Graves, and it's a lot of coastal trails. You spend a lot of time on the edge of the land and the beach. Francis is plodding along for a couple days. Can we see the storms? In the pillars? I mean, yeah. Storms in the pillars?

Is that how we think it works? That's how I imagined it. That once you get to the edge of the pillars, there's just storms inside? Well, let me know what you guys think. What I was thinking is kind of like calm on the beach. We said there was this hot wind blowing from the ocean onto the beach. Yeah. I imagined the same thing, like the clouds swirling around the pillars, and then the waves, you can see them splash against the pillars. Oh, yeah. Like going up hundreds of feet. I guess so. Yeah.

And then really deep in, where it's even in the daytime, it's dark inside. Yeah. And you can see lightning. Yeah. Have you ever seen those pictures of volcanoes? It's pretty cool. Oh, yeah. Right? Oh, yeah. What did you think I was going to say? Those inspirational posters where it's like, together, everyone achieves more, and there's a big wave against a lighthouse for some reason. The lightning storm happening. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. And there's one morning you wake up, and it's just fog.

Like, there's just a fog bank right behind the edge of the pillars, and only at the edge of the pillars. Wow. So it looks like a cube? Kind of. Whoa. Like, it's just a wall of fog. And then a few hours later, it's gone. Like, there's a lot of very strange, inclement weather that only seems to affect the area within the pillars. Whoa. Yeah. Do we ever see anything in there as we're walking?

I mean, you see the fog, you might see what you think to be a shape far off in the pillars if you're looking. Ving's been doing dips. Oh, he's been dipping. Communing dips. Okay. Yeah. What has Ving been hoping to achieve with the dips? The Thunderbird seeking dips. Right. Okay. Okay. So is this a communion of whispers? Yes. Like, are you trying to… Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Yeah.

He's been doing it like, you know, as they plot along. How long do we think it is to Crystal Bay? Three, four days? Yeah. Cool. Okay. So we'll give you one, like, roll for that whole period of time. Okay. Yeah. So give me that. So communion of whispers. When you spend time in a place making note of its resident spirits and calling on the spirits of the land, roll plus wisdom. So 2d6 plus your wisdom modifier. All right. Eight. Eight. Okay.

On a seven to nine, you are granted a vision, but the vision. Is unclear. It's meaning murky. So you're, you're trying to get a vision of the. Yeah. He's trying to track down a Thunderbird because he had that one vision that was very, uh, exhilarating. Lifted him out of his depression and it showed him that maybe there is a Thunderbird that gave him hope to someday see one, let alone meet the king or head of the Thunderbirds. Lord of the Thunderbirds. Cool. Clap of the Thunderbirds. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.! Is that what they're called? That's a collection of them. It's a disease that some of them get. Clap. Every once in a while they get thunderclap. Yeah. It's terrible. What do we do? Ving was hoping, possibly, maybe thinking that at some point the Thunderbird, if not a Thunderbird, would become his spirit animal. I thought those rats were your spirit animal. Why am I smoking all this fish? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So Ving goes down to the beach. It's nighttime. You've all gone to sleep. And it's sort of like, I'll go take watch. I'll make sure that nothing weird happens. And here's what I kind of imagine you doing for communing purposes is you go down, you breathe deep in the water, and then you hold your breath, and you sit, kneeling on the beach in the surf with the water brushing against your waist.

You're sitting in the water with the water in your lungs. You're breathing and using it to commune and connect with the spirits of the water. And you're granted a vision of moving through the clouds, moving through the pillars. Great wing beats, but not as powerful as the wing beats that you saw in the previous vision. Sounds like the clap. It's new. It's unsure. It's trying really hard, but learning. As you're watching through these eyes, the clouds break.

You pass a couple pillars and the clouds break, and you just see the coastline stretching out before you. You see waves on waves. You hear a call. You feel a pull towards a certain point on the beach. You move towards that spot. League after league of water rushing past underneath you. You see a figure at the water's edge, and you know that that's the figure that's calling to you. You fly forward and you flap unsurely, but you alight in the water.

Being a Thunderbird, which are very large, you're standing on the water's edge in front of this figure. You fly forward and you flap unsurely, but you alight in the water. You fly forward and you flap unsurely, but you alight in the water.

You're kneeled on the coast and there's like a connection you're like this is the one this is the one and ving opens his eyes and lets the water like rush out of his gills and standing before you is an adolescent thunderbird wow it's not moving it's scared it's got that like sideways head yep like it's looking at you from the side and it's kind of dipping back and forth ving takes some of the water that's coming out of his gills and as it's sparkling with phosphorescence and then he offers it to the thunderbird and tries and just offers his hand to the thunderbird and since this is like a seven to nine not a ten uh the bird steps forward very anxiously dips down its massive head like nips a little bit of water out of your hand but it feels like your palm touch its beak and it lets out a squawk and it opens its wings and it's it flies away throw the water on it I throw the water on oh you're trying to do an eye of the tiger I have the tag okay you're gonna have to give me a roll to make this work so this isn't do not for eye of the tiger you're gonna this is gonna have to be a defy danger yeah so 2d6 plus dexterity oh yeah oh yeah 10 oh yeah uh so the the phosphorescent water of the sea of graves splashes like on its tail feathers and it it takes to the air and flies and quick as a wink it just makes up the space between the coast and the pillars and it dives into the clouds and it's gone and quick as a wink I can see from his eyes what did the thunderbird look like uh it looked kind of like a mixture between like an eagle and a crow uh and its feathers are like the color of rain clouds wow purpley green black yeah it's like got a long like black beak and long sharp talons it's also kind of fluffy because it's an adolescent so it's young so it's still got like down in some spots but it's huge like that how huge as an adolescent it was probably maybe 12 feet tall oh like thunderbirds get at like because you look at it and knowing animals you're like that is a young bird like maybe just outside of a fledgling so adult thunderbirds must be fucking huge can they have white on them yeah I imagine their heads being like kind of white but like street like the lawn or gold yeah I imagined a gemstone in the middle of their heads who knows it's an adolescent maybe it's gemstone hasn't come in yet oh they carve runes with their beaks that's yeah they're like woodpeckers but they have an instinctive understanding of the runes they carve it into the pillars of the sea of graves old ones get them carved into their beaks and stuff here's the thing ving is that happens and it's gone through the clouds and the wall of clouds like that and it's like a little bit of a wall of clouds and it's like a wall of clouds like that and it's like a little bit of a wall of clouds like that and it's like a like settles again yeah and you open your eyes again and you think did that happen did I actually meet this bird did I mark this bird or was this part of the vision that the sea granted me cool and that's how you pass the rest of the night wondering what happened to me and as you're as you're sitting there wondering is this was that true was that real uh lightning cracks inside inside the wall of clouds and you see a shadow flitting off into the pillars and then in the background you hear a sound of a bird and you're like oh my god I'm so scared and then in the background you hear a sound of a bird and you're like oh my god I'm so scared is it pharrell I guess mirrors is so awake we need to find some wd-40 route like yeah we we used the last of billy's lard he really went through it mirrors I don't have a lot of this left you gotta slow down buddy uh okay yeah so trying we're going through so many issues of mud affairs they're just getting obliterated by a metal hand just torn apart and nobody has anything else that they're trying to achieve on the road is there a traveler's shrine next to the yes yeah yep you it's another little box with the compass rose carved on it and coins and various sundry bits stacked up on there uh are there guitar strings no okay well I leave my guitar strings cool they're all ripped maybe somebody needs them maybe somebody needs some kind of wire yeah like a little garrotte for tiny little assassin for a little baby assassin yeah a baby that is an assassin is there anything good that I could take there's coins what kind of coins you see a couple of coins from a call some of the silver coins that you think are from the frozen north you see some coins that might be like elf currency there's a single obsidian coin underneath some other coins like it's kind of buried you're looking around you're like I wonder if it is that and you wipe some coins away and yeah it's an obsidian coin with an eye on it yeah I'll take that one okay so now you've got two you put it next to your other one yeah in the in the amulet yeah a lot of room in that amulet yeah I got those two coins I got picture of horse picture a woman and picture of shathane's wife's face and it's getting pretty full it's getting pretty full it's hard to close it's got an elastic band around it so it doesn't pop open um yeah and you've started passing a lot more people like there's other carts and there's people walking hey what's your name I don't know timbo how's it going hey timbo hey what's your name thing my name is ving nice you got a real elfie look about you well gotta go okay bye and that's how timbo passes his time just telling people what species they look like race he thinks they are is timbo an old man does he work in an airport yeah part of the tsa the timbo species association yeah it's a little club I started um I identify different species elf halfling when he looks at tuck he's like other who who else do we see on the road you see like a line of carts one is very uh elaborate looking I go to them okay they're like moving like everybody's moving well I just step in front and they kind of go hey get out of the move it and they kind of turn around wait wait where are you guys going we're going to crystal bay we're going to crystal bay like everybody where are you going also crystal bay okay do you have a cart who are your parents they're over there yeah what are you guys doing uh I am trying back flips again and what's ving doing uh he's riding francis yeah he's holding on to the firm riding it like look at me and perel is sitting on the cart with his head in his hands yeah and mirrors is in the back like just like I don't know what's going on with him he's like I don't know what's going on with me and perel is just throwing a potato up and down in the air and the person on the cart is like maybe go get get back to your family then oh can we get a ride you have a cart but yours is so nice okay fine hop up and they reach a hand down thank you and then they pull you up next to them on like the driver's board wow it's so plush is this velvet it is velvet don't run your hands on it you're gonna ruin it okay what uh what's what's your name my name's fat billy what's your name uh fuck me uh hold no no no hold on hold on I got one john turr jaunter jaunter jaunter I'm jaunter nice to meet you john it nope first name jaunter oh all right I'm I'm jaunter and this is the dawson creek theater society whoa what yeah oh my god yeah you might have you maybe you've heard of us maybe not but uh you know we're just on our way to crystal bay to uh you know ply our trade here the coronet is going on out there so we're trying to trying to hook up with that scene whoa what play are you guys doing uh we've got a play about a um a troubled young man who lives in a small town the show is named his his name's dawson and uh yeah it's just kind of his trials and tribulations with his like relationship and stuff I've been working on it for a couple years now I look behind me where's tuck and ving they're behind you I'm picking up rocks and I'm trying I'm like talking to ving I'm like I I'm gonna try and get this as far as I can into the ocean oh do you want to put away to this put some money on it yeah put money on it sure uh you have to give me your helping of dinner tonight okay uh how far I think I can get it in the ocean how far are we away from the ocean about 50 meters away yeah because you're like on a trail you could do that no problem 150 feet it is 150 feet yeah uh yeah I could do that so you're defying danger strength 2d6 plus your strength modifier wow I'm gonna elementary math mastery the rock when I got six already so he got six but I'm still going to allow you to elemental yep eight plus ten so I want the rock to come back at his balls as fast as he can uh so you get to choose you're choosing two for elemental mastery yeah effect comes to pass you don't have to do that you don't have to do that you don't have to do that you don't pay nature's price or you retain control I don't want to retain control hell yeah so what I'm imagining is that it does he throws it and it hits the sand it doesn't get to the water and then like the sand like it bows down like it pushes the sand in front of it and then it becomes sort of like a high lie scoop and just whips it right back and it hits tuck full on in the nuts uh and then the sand like starts picking up all over the beach and is just whipping rocks at all the time the travelers that can see so tuck gets hit in the nuts and goes oh no I go down pretty fast and then he gets hit again like wham in the nuts no just another rock okay that's fine billy take cover I fucked up again but look at this do I roll for damage uh I mean yeah you want to what's the damage day d8 you're holding a d8 my man five five damage and then francis gets nailed by like a smaller rock and goes like and starts trying to trot away and then he's like oh my god I'm gonna and he's like oh my god I'm gonna go away and pearl's like what did you do and he dives into the back of the cart and mirrors is like what's happening clang smack smack smack smack and the jaunter looks back and a rock like whizzes through the cloth covering of his cart and he's like oh no no no no no he's got four horses and he whips the whole thing and he goes go and all the carts oh shit I don't know who you are I have to get off this thing does billy jump off yeah okay defy danger dexterity four uh you hit the ground and then a rock sails over and just nails you right in the back and yeah the cart tears off behind you and there's like they were with it was that cart and then like three other carts and they are all just making a mad dash as these rocks sail through the air uh what are you guys doing oh I'm laughing so hard uh tuck is on the ground I'm still on the ground okay billy is like dodging rocks basically I'm doing a good job yeah doing a great job um well you're laying on the ground and they're not quite reaching you I'm doing a great job francis is like moving now like he's picking up speed with his stubby little legs uh you're about to get hit by a rock tubing so what do you do I uh use my spear and wield it with great might uh windmill spear 2d6 plus strength I guess to like smash it away nine nine like a foul ball yeah ricochets and hits tuck in the nuts yeah you not you like it comes at you and you're like oh my god I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry no give me a d4 because it was deflected so it's not coming as fast as it was seven I said d4 do you want to take seven damage two okay yeah so you get nailed right again uh but it's it hurts a lot but not so much you fall over again oh I I'm like do I take any damage for laughing so hard now You're a little distracted for sure.

But you have Billy in hand and Tuck, are you getting up or what? Yeah, I'm limping. Okay. And that area of the beach that the spirits had been like, this is pretty fun. You finally get away from and they're trying, but the rocks can't get far enough at a certain point. So I guess I owe you my dinner. You can have it. That was worth it. You're going to need some food. And the rest of the day passes. Thankfully, uneventfully, no more pieces of the beach attempt to destroy Tuck's genitals.

And you… Except for all the sand that's like trapped in there. It's like rubbing. Grinding in like crevices. Yeah. Keep dusting it out, but there's like more. I think I put more in when I dusted out. Yeah, it's all the moisture is trapping it. You just travel throughout the day. The sun starts to set. It's very beautiful. For some reason, the sun sets here just nicer. It seems like the clouds are more colorful right now. It's just at the edge of the clouds in the fog bank.

It's glinting off the pillars in a nice way. And you realize that in certain parts of the water, now that you're closer to Crystal Bay, you see large crystals poking out of the water in certain places. And the sun's glinting off those creating this very nice shimmering effect. And there are a ton of people here and everybody seems to be coming for something. As the sun starts to go down, just it's not full night, but you can see the coronet arcing through the sky.

The coronet, as we've described before, I think is a shattered moon that arrives in the area of the solar system infrequently, but has recently come back. So it's just this like beautiful, shining, shattered moon, the sun setting the light glinting off the crystals. And the town of Crystal Bay is before you.

There's like clusters of buildings and homes further off on the edge of the, this really beautifully lit bay lit from above by the sun and the moon and below by crystals that push out of the waves. What are the houses like? What style are the houses? I think Jessica said they were like cabins, like log ish. Cool. With crystals. Yeah. With crystals integrated into the construction. And so much glass from the crystals. Yeah. Colored. Lots of colored glass as well. Yeah.

Like nice colorful sculptures made out of carved crystal. And it's just a very beautiful town. Do we have, do we have a reservation? Oh no. Oh no. Is it like, is it an old man? Here's you say that. And he said, well, if you don't got one, you ain't going to get one. I'll tell you that much. Who are you? Oh, me. I'm just a townsman. And he leaves. Come back. What's your name? Pete. Yeah, it's Pete. That's my name. Short for Peter burb. And I just live here.

You came to crystal Bay during the Coronetta and you didn't make a reservation. Is there like a Coronetta festival or something? You have a, the move wide wanderer. Don't you? Oh yeah. I took that. Why never used it? New you. I'm going to take your sheet for a second. Can you just play my character for me? Oh my God. So the town, this is something that you've been able to do for seasons. Yeah.

You've traveled the wild world world over when you arrive someplace, literally any place, ask the GM about any important traditions, rituals, and so on. And they'll tell you what you need to know. I would like to know if there's some kind of ritual to convince a woman to have sex with you. Uh, courting in crystal Bay. You would know that like there's a courting ritual that involves bringing a carved crystal figurine to the person that you love.

That is something that, you know, you get a crystal figurine carved for them. Hold on. And then I run down, I grab a rock. I run down to the water and you see me smashing one of the crystals. That's, uh, protruding out of the water. Oh, the ax. Okay. Yeah. I take the ax. Okay. No, hold on. I just want to make this clear. You created an ax with me. We talked about an ax that you have that magically smashes any rock. And you were like, I need to break a rock. What should I use?

How about just a rock? I found. So we're all watching this. He's smashing it with a stone. An ax, bud. Your ax. Oh, yeah. And just whack. You lop right through it. And then I'm going to use the, the commune, how to commune with like the communion one, the blood God. Yeah. For the blood God to commune with the rocks in a way where they'll tell me what the traditions of this area are. No, you just know. Cause you came through here. You've traveled.

That's why, you know, communing with Larry, Terry, and Chad is like a different thing. What is it? Let me do. Maybe we'll have it on your sheet. Maybe. Maybe they'll give you tips on how to get bone. Maybe I'll look at your sheet because apparently this is the job that I have. You're initiated in the old ways. The ways of sacrifice. That's the wrong sheet. I have the right one. I'm going to kick you off this podcast. I am Sean O'Hara. I'll be your sheet looker.

When you sacrifice those things as per your rights and rituals, the way that we've. So are, do you want to do for the blood God tips dating? This doesn't, this isn't really the situation. Fair. I would use this move for. Okay. So what if I use it? Why wanderer? What if I use for the blood God to create a sculpture? That's not what it does. What if we got past the entrance of the town? Figure out what is going on right now that we can meet human ladies. We can use a wide wanderer. So ladies.

So is that what, is that what Tuck's thinking now that he's come to town with this festival? Yeah. You know what? I'm kind of thinking. A thing has had sex so many times and I'm kind of jealous. Yeah. And it's like beach town, like party festival vibe. It's definitely something that follows a coronet around. Yeah. Oh yeah. Totally. Fuck vibes. Yeah. Oh yeah. Well, yeah, I think it's sort of a thing where like if you, if you conceive a child during the coronetta, it's like really auspicious.

Yeah. So that's another thing to know is yeah. So people in crystal Bay, have these crystal sculptures that they get made, which is sort of like an engagement ring. It's like, I want to be with you, but also everywhere in the world when the coronet is in the sky, it's like, if you conceive a baby during the coronet, that baby is going to be fucking crazy. It's going to be such a good baby. So a lot of people are trying to make babies during this time. Cool. It's a double edged sword for me.

Yeah. Don't want, don't want a baby, but want the everything pre. Yeah. That's fine. Cause they want the baby. Yeah. Cause you want to keep moving on. So Peter verb is telling thing and Billy all that, I guess. If you want to have a baby during the coronet, Oh boy, what a great baby. That's going to be my, my cousin was conceived during the coronet and he's a prince. And my other cousin was born two days after piece of shit, just a garbage person. I hate that piece of garbage.

How's your brother become or cousin become a prince, but you didn't get to also be a prince. Well, in some parts of the, of the principalities, princes in, in an elected position. Shit. Yeah. But also Billy language. Also, also something, something that should be that. I think we've talked about briefly the princes of each principality, that Royal family is like birth, but also adopted. Like the Royal family is like a mishmash of people that the queen of the time, like adopted. Wow. Yeah.

So there's actually, there's actually one Prince quote unquote that I think is two people. Like it's like twins. And this, these twins are the Prince of this, this one region. I don't know which one. Cool. All right. Um, what if I know that you said something about if we don't have reservations, we can't stay here, but like if, if what's the best option for us to sleep and like eat food. Oh, like what would be the best place to go to? Yeah. Oh yeah.

So maybe, because maybe some travelers got held up on the road. Absolutely. Tuck. And I start like fading back. Into the road. Like maybe if we just go hold somebody up, somebody for their hotel reservation. Hell yeah. Well, if you want to go to the nicest place, not that you could, cause they're all full up. You want to go to the Emerald hotel and spa. It's the nicest hotel in all of crystal Bay. Okay, cool. Thanks. Okay. All right. Thanks. Good luck finding somewhere to stay.

And, uh, so you leave and Perel's like, we have a magic tent. Yeah. But also, yeah, I think Billy and I are on the same page here. Yeah. We can set the tent up in the hotel room. Yeah. Stay for years. Yeah. Yeah. You squatters, right? Squatters, right? Squatters, right? Squatters, right? Squatters, right? Squatters, right? Squatters, right? Right. So you find yourself in the middle of town, uh, and you see the Emerald hotel and spa before you. It's beautiful. It's multiple stories.

I want to know Tuck's idea. I, oh yeah. So we're, we, here's my, my, here's your idea. And we do a classic clear water break in scenario. Yes. We'll go to the fucking Emerald lobby where we lure the concierge away. Fucking beat the shit out of them. I'll take his clothes. I'll put it on. Or one of us. Yeah. Or me. And then I'll put on his clothes and then I'll come out to the front area and I'll get someone's reservation.

And then, and then I'll, we'll just take it and then we'll go and check in with it. Wait, so why do you need to dress up as the concierge? Cause so they'll give me the reservation. Reservation is like a paper or something, right? Yeah. But so wouldn't you get it from the person with the reservation? Yeah. Instead of beating up. Give it to a concierge. The reservation is a physical object. Yeah. It's like a paper with like a seal and everything. I mean, yeah.

Tuck knows that cause he's, he's passed by crystal Bay before. Wide wanderer. Also have disguise. So I could pretend to be someone with the reservation. I was going to say. You can be like the bell boy. No. Who's the sidekick to the concierge. I'm a shape shifter. I can turn into the fanciest person in town and take their penthouse. Sweet. Totally. But you have to kidnap them first. So a second concierge. Where's that guy? Jaunter. Jaunter? Oh, where's the DeSomme Creek Theater Society? Yeah.

You don't see them in the school. Actually, you do see someone, in the same sort of like livery. Is that how you pronounce that? Yeah. Library. Library. No, it's livery. But that's also where horses live. No, a stable is where. Yeah. You fucking idiot. Yeah. So you see somebody in the livery of the, of the DeSomme Creek Theater Society in the middle of town, like at a stage. Cause they're kind of setting up the stage that they're going to be performing on. Okay. Well, why don't here give me.

Pick up. What's it? What do I have? Perel. Yeah. Give me like papers. Do you have papers? Like just paper? Yeah. Uh, yeah, I think so. And he rifles around in his satchel and he pulls out some sheets of paper. Give me these papers. And I go up to that guy. And he's just like, you know, pinning up a bunting on a, on a stick. Hey, do you know, uh, I've got a delivery of a script for just some, just some, what is his name? Who? John. Some. John. John. John. John. John. John. John. John. John. John.

Yeah. It's a script delivery for him. He's the writer. Why would he need a script delivery? I don't fucking know. You piece of shit. Don't talk down to me. Whoa. I'll fucking kill you. Whoa. Cool. It buddy. Let me see that script. Hey, no, this is for just psalms. Eyes only. Okay. You're going to have to do something to convince him. Cause he's like, you've made, he was fine. And now he's like aggressive.

Oh, yeah I'll parlay with him now hold on let me what's the plan here I'm gonna get him to tell me where they're staying yeah okay you just want to find out where they're staying yeah alright yeah I guess roll defy danger charisma like are you trying to just yell at him until he tells you what you want to know yeah I think so yeah instead of like parlaying like being like diplomatic you're just like tell me information well yeah I've tried to be diplomatic with the script delivery absolutely but then he was immediately talking down to me well you said hey where's jazam I have to give him something I don't remember his name I'm sure Billy told it to you like 15 seconds ago jaunter yeah okay if you tell me where jazam is how about this I won't fucking nail your feet to the stage just you could 10 11 oh my god he just goes like alright you know what I've got to set up the stage I'm tired of this bullshit jaunter is where everybody else in the theater society is we're staying in the carts at the edge of town oh okay yeah where else would we be I don't know okay thanks nail nail nail nail nail I go back to these guys aren't they celebrities where are they staying they're staying in fucking carts on the edge of town theater yeah that they're gonna stay at the emerald yeah we thought these boys were going to stay at the emerald poor minstrels were going to stay in the nicest hotel in town yeah they had velvet cushions and four horses it was velour they're traveling bards well let's go to the emerald yeah let's just go to the emerald we'll figure out when we get there just like always guys oh it's so nice in here it's luxurious the lobby alone the furniture is so well made everything's kind of got like a deep green color to it there's green velvet satin the wallpaper's green there's some lamps with like green kind of crystal looking shades it's very green it's so green in here so green looks like a Christmas song oh my god and the concierge is behind the desk and he's wearing a green suit and he's got a green pin on oh I didn't even see you standing there yeah you kind of just blend in with the background that is how we like it at the emerald hotel and spa welcome hi hi I'm the concierge what's your name Rebecca Rebecca my name is Rebecca yes how did you know my name is Rebecca enchambé concierge what can I do for you we would like a room please oh I'm so sorry sir we are full up also you seem to be he has a reservation you have a reservation ah well please and he holds out his hand I grab that piece of paper that Tuck was holding and I put some golden root on it oh okay may as well give it a shot give me a defy danger dexterity to see if you can do it quickly and surreptitiously a nine nine okay we aid yeah you definitely could yeah to a ten so he's got yeah he's got nine right now so how are Ving or Tuck gonna aid oh just pick me up someone pick me up yeah pick him up okay so 26 plus Bon oh yeah ten oh that's the stuff Rebecca I have the reservation here ah oh thank you young man and he takes the thing in his hand and he looks at it and goes oh this is not this is not a reservation my good boy I'm so sorry we're full up but I think that I can I think I can probably help you in what way sir we might be able to find a room we hold on to something here we're gonna go to the the room for uh for visiting uh people of importance oh and you will find we are very important people and he laughs he goes oh yes of course of course of course we'll keep this on the download just between me and my new friends you're gosh darn right we're friends okay so who who will it'll be for you three and and this gentleman he is with us as well and that gentleman over there they're both behind Tuck and then go we're here to help you out we're here to help you out we're here to help you out and this large pig we will find a space for your pig in the stables perhaps wonderful wonderful great let me and he snaps his fingers and a bellhop rolls up when like a little green vest and he's like yes and he's like please find some space for that pig in our stables goes right away sir and he rushes out and grabs Francis and Francis trots off happily bye Francis and Francis is like goodbye see you on the morrow my friend you're gonna love it I cannot wait I can only imagine the fine grasses they have for me oh man I want a full report oh but of course but you guys hear like and Rebecca's like okay come with me and he takes you up too many flights of stairs and opens you up into a very nice suite there's like two rooms each room has some beds in it there's a little there's a private bathroom which is a closet mine calls the stamps there's no erasers touch green to make it true it's fine I didn't want it anyway and Perel walks into the room like he's gonna like he's afraid it's gonna run away and he's just like oh my god and he touches the bed and his hand sinks in a little bit and he goes ew stop it it's so soft and he slowly lays down on it and is just like ha ha ha ha ha You'll be alright.

Why are you reacting like this? Do you not like the room? And he looks at you, Billy, and he's got tears in his eyes and he's like, I love it. He like, falls asleep. Like, he's just asleep. And Rebecca's like, I take it that everything is to your liking? Yes! Wonderful. Then I will allow you to settle in. I'm going to give him a piece of gold. Thank you very much. Give him a piece of gold. Thank you so much. And he tucks it into his pocket. Welcome to the Emerald. We hope you enjoy your stay.

If you need new towels, just throw the old towels into the hallway. And please feel free to enjoy some of the amenities. We have a spa. We have a miniature tetherball court. Oh, cool. And we have the Ruby restaurant downstairs. The restaurant and bar. And you know what? And he hands you a little chit. And he's like, your first meal is on me. Thank you for staying. Thank you, Rebecca. You're quite welcome. Let me know if you need anything at all. And he backs out through the door and closes it.

Sorry for that accent. I just thought it would work better. It did. Yeah, it worked great. And now you have a room at the Emerald. Woo! What does it look like? Tell me. Like, I'm going to go discern the realities. Yeah, it's a really nice room. The beds are really soft. Perel seems to have claimed one of them. There is a private bathroom. Everything's really green. There's some nice gas lamps in here. There's actually an electric light, too. Like, you flip a switch and the light comes on.

You're like, what the fuck is this? There's another room that's connected that has two beds. I'm going to go claim my bed. I grab a pillow off the bed and I jump on the floor. This is mine. Sweet. Yeah. So what's your plan now? We're not really good at being relaxed. I feel like we're going to find ourselves. That was another mission, but we'll try to relax. So do you go down to, like, check the facility out? I would love to check out that spa. Yeah. Oh, let's go to the spa. Let's go to the spa.

Okay, yeah. The spa is, you know, it's got pools, like, saltwater soaking pools where you soak in the waters of Crystal Bay. And they're heated a little bit, but it's just, like, it's very mineral rich in the bay. So people from all around love, like, soaking in the water here. There's different kind of skin treatments. There's, like, a lot of different things. There's, like, a lot of different things. There's massage. There's pinball machines. There's a pinball machine.

There's, like, a mud hut. Yep, there's a mud hut. What happens in the mud hut? Nobody knows. There's steam coming out of it. And only one person a day is allowed in there. Whoa, cool. And they do ayahuasca. And there's also… There's a gel pit. Whoa. You can just go swim in the gel. You can float in the gel. Cool. And hang out in it. That's amazing. Yeah, what are you guys doing at the spa? I'm going to get a massage and talk about myself to the masseuse. Nice.

I think I'm just going to hang out in the hot pools. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, like the heated saltwater. Yeah. Cool. Is it clothing optional? It's always… That's what I say, and then I take my pants off before anyone says anything. And thankfully, there are… It is clothing optional. Cool. It's everybody in here is nude. Oh, cool. Yeah. And I'm just like, oh, I think I must have been stung by a porn scorpion. And nobody's making a… They're just like, we get it. It's a nude pool, whatever.

What's Billy doing? Billy is going to get a facial. Nice. Just get some sort of skin treatment, like get a bunch of mud slathered on there. Yeah, he thought it was like… Because they're all different colors, so he thought it was like a pudding kind of place. Yeah. So he ate a bunch of them? No, he's like, he's lying up thinking it's a pudding thing. Then they put you in a chair and put some mud on your face? Yeah, I'm like, well, this must happen before the pudding.

Billy's just laying there getting pampered. Yeah. What's your name, I say, through the cucumbers? My name's Trimian. What's your name? My name's Fat Billy. Do you have more dry skin, more oily skin, like a combination? I can't tell through all the mud. Okay, well, let me… And she like rubs some mud off your face. Like some dirt off your face. And she's like, oily. So we'll go with a nice oily skin treatment. This is going to really clean you up. It'll open your pores a lot. Oh, my God.

Is that safe? It's absolutely normal. Don't worry. Pores open and close naturally. So… Yeah, you'll be fine. Okay? And she starts just doing this really… And it feels really nice. Wow. Yeah, you feel your skin is being like soothed. You're so good as Trimbley. Trimian. But thank you so much. Thank you so much. I did go to school for this. Wow. Yeah. Crystal Bay has a large aesthetic school that is…

Most of the people that work in the spa here graduated from the Crystal Bay School of Aesthetics. What's school like? It sounds fun. Oh, you know, it's expensive. Oh. Yeah, but you meet a lot of people. You make a lot of good connections. Wow. And every once in a while, someone's taken away to the caves and we never see them again. Oh, what? That's just part of the game. Anyways, close your eyes. Don't try and speak too much. Okay. Put some stuff on your face. And Ving is getting massaged.

And then I think my dad killed her. Wow. That sounds tough. There's just a guy named, like, Doug. It's just Doug. And he's really going nuts on your shoulders. Yeah. Big, strong hands. Big, burly guy. Bit of a gut on him. Yeah. That sounds tough, man. So what are you going to do about that? I don't know. I don't know. What do you think? What's your relationship like with your dad? It's okay. But I know that if he killed my mom, I'd probably try and kill him. You know what it is?

I just want to let it go. You know? Like, all these… Knots in my back. Yeah. You got a lot of tension in here. Also, I don't massage a lot of half elves. The hell is that supposed to mean? I just mean, like… I'm just trying to make sure that all these bones are supposed to be here. You know what I mean? Like, I'm feeling some weird stuff. Do you want me to work on these gills? No. You can leave the gills alone. Oh, thank God. Thank you. Thank you for saying that. Just below the gills.

Just below the gills. Okay. The neck's pretty tight. Yeah. Well, you know, if you want to forget all about your worries, I'd head down to the Ruby. They got a drink that'll put you right under. You won't remember anything, you know, until you want to. Oh, I've been trying to abstain, but that sounds nice. I am on vacation. You write any excuse, I'll do it. Thank you. No problem. Cool. Thanks, man. And Tuck is in the news. I started a chicken fight competition. Oh, and people are into it. Yeah.

The whole pool's going crazy. So, Tuck has who on his shoulders? It's a pretty big guy named Ron. Mm-hmm. And he's also nude. Everybody's nude. Yeah. It's not weird. Everybody's just nude. No, it's just his ding-a-ling is really pushing into the back of my head. It's actually laying, like, on your shoulder. It's a rat tail. You can feel it. That's just how it is. Yeah. And who are you competing against? Two women. Mm-hmm. One named Jade. Mm-hmm. And the other one named Jane. Yeah.

So, Jade the Orc from McCall. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So, Jane, her sister, the human from McCall. Sister? Huge. Adopted. Oh, okay. There we go. She was adopted into an Orc family. Cool. I guess that's why she's so big. Because she just worked out a lot as a kid? Raised on Orc milk. Yeah. Yeah. She was breastfed by an Orc, which just made her huge. Yeah. That's cool. I like that. That's so cool. Yeah. So, that's what's going on. Yeah.

So, you're going to have to give me a Defy Danger Strength. And the way Chicken Fight works in this world is the people on the bottom are fucking slugging it out hard. Nice. And the people on the top are wrestling? Yeah. So, it's like a regular Chicken Fight, but the people on the bottom are allowed to hit the people on the bottom? The people on the top are, yeah, they're kind of like pushing each other.

And the people on the bottom, when they get close enough, they like are fucking just nailing each other. All right. Cool. So, I guess the Orc is on the bottom. Yeah. The Orc and then the humans on the top. Yeah. Wrestling Ron. Okay. 2d6 plus strength. Whoa. Fuck. Two sixes. 15. So, 12. 14. 14. Jesus Christ. I think it's like through the water, you're like moving really slow, but like inexorably. And then the two top hit, it just goes like boom. Like you both lock in place.

It's a really intense thing. Yeah. Everybody's like quiet. Yeah. Because they're like, this is the lead up. But the band is playing like that Star Wars fight music. That's Star Trek. Yeah. That's what I meant. Yeah. I thought you meant Duel of the Fates. It could be that too. Yeah. And you and Jade are like boxing at the bottom. Like, it's just like, she hits you really hard in the face and you're like, okay, we're fucking playing now. I'm bleeding. You're bleeding out of your mouth.

It's running into your beard. Into the pool. Yeah. And she gives you a couple of good ones.

You give her a couple good ones and um then you see she like leans forward just as ron like yanks so uh she gets pulled just a little bit off step and you just crack her right in the jaw and she starts going down and jane's like no no no like on top and then ron is just like he just pushes them both down and ron is like screaming something at his kids in his mind because he's like this he's like a middle-aged guy he got sent here because he got the best sales in his company exactly that's what he told me before we started yeah and I was like I don't know that I want you for a partner and chicken fight and he's like no I have a lot to prove you think just because terry's your stepdad he's your real dad I don't think so he just he screams as he pushes uh jade and jane down I'm your dad dad dad!

And uh then he he throws both his fists in the air and goes I'm your dad and the crowd's like yeah yeah and the crowd starts chanting dad dad dad dad and and uh ron's like crying with his fists in the air and it cuts to you guys on the edge of the pool all shaking hands like and jade's like wow that was a really great fight thank you so much we both have two black eyes yeah jane's like missing like you chipped part of her tusk like you snapped part of her tusk up like wow that was fucked up I hadn't had a fight that good since I came over from a call thank you so much yeah it's good to meet people from uh home it is so nice can I get a hug yeah yeah and her and jane give you a hug and they're like call forever yeah yeah what's the thing that people from a call say to each other uh don't let the world serpent get you so on the nose for a second yeah don't get eaten by a big snake you know what I'm saying yeah I'm not gonna let you get eaten by a big snake you know what I'm saying I mean how about like uh step clear because that's like used to be like step clear of the world serpent step quick yeah step quick yeah yeah and they give you that like roman like grip your forearms and they're both like step quick yeah step quick yeah and then they go off and do their own thing and billy you've come out you've got mud all over your face you're wearing like a face mask and you see tuck and a bunch of nude people just kind of hanging out oh I put my cucumbers back on my eyes they wouldn't want me to see you see this and you see billy on the side of the thing with cucumbers over his eyes and mud on his face just kind of wandering around with his hands up yeah touch a lot of calves and butts oh sorry like no I tell you it's fine it's mostly top leg with yeah yeah nice and ving you come out of the out of the restaurant with a couple of the ruby drop shops oh yeah yeah you guys gotta try one of these are you drunk the guy my favorite buddy guy with the soft big hands told me about the sips and I got two too many and guys we can have them yeah no I will I walk up everybody have them okay his eyes are going in different circles like it's a lot it's too much so does tuck just take both of them I dump one oh yeah no philly we'll get you oat milk we'll get you real I leave oh billy walks away yeah billy do you not want real milk no okay where does billy go the pool oh he's just right here he just gets in the pool yeah billy's being difficult but once you're swimming around you're like this woman's pretty fun yeah and I wash the mud off yeah it's a nice time just two cucumbers float away from me yeah yeah can't believe they didn't give me any puddings oh food that's a great idea guys we need to go for dinner oh I come back so yeah where are you guys planning on going for dinner the ruby sucks the food sucks the drinks are amazing the food was gross hey trim blow yeah what can I do for you uh where would you suggest we get dinner you don't want to go to the ruby no it's a tourist trap where do the locals eat tourist trap there we go that's what I was waiting for you guys are cool right you want to go check if you want to go check out a nice local place uh it's it's called the beached whale it's down by the water it's kind of a place where you can go and eat a ton of şu şu şu şu şu şu just a little bit out of the square, you'll know it when you see it.

Sounds delicious. That's where I'd go. Cool. Thank you. Have a good day. Bye. Yeah, so if you guys are heading to the beach whale, cool. So you walk through town and stuff's starting to pick up. It's getting pretty wild in the square. The coronet is right above. It's night. It's night. Almost. So interesting question because you realize, Ving, you probably realize it a bit more because you're sort of more in tune with the natural cycles. The sun should have gone down by now.

It's refracting all the crystals. That's what you think. Yeah. But it's kind of weird that it's not fully night yet. Weird. Yeah. So you head through town and it looks like the DeSomme Creek players have set up their stage. They're not performing yet, but they're getting ready and people are just dancing and there's live music and there's a juggler. There's a guy that's just throwing hedgehogs in the air. Everybody's having a wild time.

But you pass through that and you go and you find, down by the water, there's a place that is pretty nicely made but looks kind of old and you realize that the building is built inside the ribcage of a whale. So cool. Whoa. The ribcage is integrated into the construction of the building. It doesn't look like a whale or anything like that, but you're like, those are fucking bones. This place is just made of bones. Cool. With wood and plaster in between. It stinks in here, but this is cool. Yeah.

And the sign above is like, it looks like a whale stretched out. It's just a wooden cutout of a whale. Yeah. Yeah, you go in and it's a pretty quiet place. There's some regulars, it looks like, but just like a good, looks like everybody's having really nice food. Nice. And there's like a bar and there's some people drinking and chatting. There's some ladies, Tuck. Okay. They look like they're on the prowl. Ooh. Ooh. Hey, look over there. That's what Billy's doing. Yeah. What's Billy looking at?

There's a roast that's being carved. Yeah. Hey, Tuck, look over there. Yeah. Just beyond the ladies. Yeah. It's like, oh yeah, and Billy's like, yum, yum, roast. Yeah. Yeah. And they do, gravy too. Yeah. My favorite food. There's somebody playing a mandolin in the corner, so there's nice music. Tuck, do you want to go talk to those ladies? Oh, you know what? I'm going to just hang out over here for a while. Yeah. Mm-hmm. That's cool. And then I'll go over there later. Sure. Whatever, man.

Either or. I will. I'll do it. Just I'll do it later. Yeah, for sure. Because we're going to have dinner first. Yeah, we didn't even order food yet. Yeah. True. True. So yeah, the waiter, uh, a server, a server comes over and is like, what can I get you? I will have a bowl of gravy. Uh, and do you have any potatoes? Some mashed potatoes? Uh, certainly. Okay. I'll have a bowl of that too. And, uh, a bit of roast. And do you have any beet tops? Uh, just like the top of a beet?

Yeah, and the bottom too, I guess. Do we have beets? Yeah, but the whole thing. Okay, yeah. We can get you some beets. Okay. Roasted? Or just beets? Doesn't matter. Okay. Beets it is. And for you two? Uh, can I get that roast? I'll have the sunflower cheese platter. All right. Can do. So that's gonna be, um, including tax. Just a coin. Coin for everybody. There you go, my good sir.

And he, uh, heads off and a few, like a little bit later, 15, 20 minutes later, he gets some food and, uh, he comes over with the tray and he has like a mug and he puts the mug down in front of Tuck and he says compliments and he points, uh, up at the bar where there's like a, uh, um, sort of a middle-aged lady leaning against the bar and she winks at you. Okay. Well, then I am gonna go over there. Yeah, you can do it, man. You got it. Yeah, I can. Look at you, so handsome, so tall.

Yeah, thanks. And then I stand up and I, my head hits the chandelier and it goes clang, clang, clang, clang. And then I start walking over. Yeah, she's just there. She's like, hi. Hi. How are you? I'm good. My name's Tuck. My name's Dina. Dina. Dina. Did you enjoy your drink? I haven't had it yet. Oh, well. I go, I take a bunch of it. A lot of it slops down my face. A man with no inhibitions. Yeah. I like that. Thanks. A lot of people see it as a character flaw. Well, not me. Not me.

Okay, that's great. So, I'm getting really intimidated by how into me she is. Yeah, yeah. So, she's just like, okay, well, you know, what are you, what are you doing? I'm talking to you. I mean later. Oh, I, I don't know. Do you want to fuck? No. Normally, I wouldn't allow someone to be so forward. And now she's starting to get nervous a little bit. She's like, oh boy. I think that my anxiety, my anxiety is bleeding into her. Yeah, she's like, oh, um, hmm.

Uh, you know, she's looking at you like you're like huge, but she's realizing you're basically a child. Yeah, she's like, oh, um, you know what? I'm so sorry. I hope you enjoy the drink. You seem like a nice guy. Thanks. I am. I'm gonna, maybe I'm gonna, I might head out. Okay. Uh, she's like leaving. You're hot. Okay. Oh, thank you. Yeah. But, uh, maybe, maybe not. I like your bits. Okay. Well, that's, she winks a little bit, but she's like, oh, you're so young. Are you? How old are you?

I'm 27. Oh boy. Yeah. Okay. How old are you? 46. That seems normal. It's normal, but I just have a son your age. I'm realizing. Okay. Yeah. I think I'm gonna, I'm gonna go. What's your son's name? We're not gonna get into this. Goodbye. Tell me about him. Is he cool? And then she just like walks out. Does he want to hang out? And I yell after. I was like, do you want me to hang out with your son? And she leaves.

And so as she walks out, you hear like from behind you, like behind where you were standing while, while Dina was talking to you. She's like, wow, smooth. So smooth. I turn around. You always were very smooth. Whoa. Who's this? And you look into the face of Alison. Whoa. Whoa. We all got goosebumps. We all got goosebumps. We all got goosebumps. We all got goosebumps. And that's where we're going to end it for this week. My name is Sean O'Hara.

I've been your game master with me as always playing Tacoma Dome, the barbarian Abdul Aziz. Bye. Bye. Bye. Playing Fabulously the Halfling Thief, Jessica Tai. Bye everyone. And playing Ving the Druid, Paul Hoppers. Cheerios. Thanks so much to Abdul for all the editing, Wes for all the technical work, Aaron Reed for all the music, all our amazing Patreons and supporters for all their amazing, amazing Patreons of sport. And thanks to you for listening. We'll see you next time. Bye.

And so ends the tale of adventures three Who tried the best they can Though dumb and scared and lost they be For time's abreast in revelry And though our journey may be like a conclusion We will not leave you without a resolution Return next week to hear some more Whilst you commute or do your chores And for you I'd gladly spout no

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape, and wields a spear with great might Billy's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends, and listen close For the tale's about to start Hello everybody and welcome to Spout Lore I'm your gamekeeper Game master Sean O'Hara, and with me as always, playing Fat Billy the Halfling Thief Jessica Tai Hello Playing Tacoma Dome, the barbarian of Fucking Abdul, come on man You did it so deliberately No, we needed some of these The table's wider than usual You grabbed three d20s You grabbed one d6, you didn't even grab everything you needed All you need is a d6, two d6, there you go Perfect That's Tacoma Dome, the barbarian played by Abdul Aziz Hi Does this count as a shoeing convention?

Absolutely not I mean, unless pissing me off Immediately Yeah, totally Playing Ving, the half-elf druid, Paul Oppers You guys make me sick I'm outta here Oh shit, he tore up his contract Fuck He tore up the spell log contract that we all had to sign when we got here It's a contract that says that none of us are making any money Aha When last we left our heroes They had entered the beach town of The resort town Little Sur was a beach town Crystal Bay is a resort town Of Crystal Bay And came to the There was some weird spirit stuff at the beginning Oh yeah Yeah, the group ran into the convoy of the DeSom Creek Theater Society Billy hung out for a little bit Then Vinny ran into the convoy of the DeSom Creek Theater Society And Ving and Tuck were playing a game where they were throwing rocks around And Ving summoned a spirit of sand To throw a rock at Tuck And accidentally pissed them off And they just started whipping rocks at everybody Was it the spirit of sand or the spirit of the ocean?

It was the beach Because you didn't even hit the water with the rock that you were throwing You were like, I bet I could throw a rock from here into the water And you did not Yeah It was embarrassing for everybody But then we made it to Crystal Bay And some hangouts were happening The group was able to bilk themselves into a Resort A reservation at the Emerald Hotel and Spa The finest resort in Crystal Bay And Mears and Perel Just decided to stay behind In the hotel room While some spa shit went down And the group was Recommended to go to a Small little bar slash eatery Called the Beached Whale Where they did go Tuck had a disastrous interaction with a local cougar Named Dina And then ran into His old fling And then he was!

There's a woman sort of thing a beehive I guess so all right yeah like will mcflintstone kind of oh my god uh perfect so tell me a little bit about succubi in mccall and they're like like how they have interacted with society um I think it's kind of the same everywhere I don't think they're just a mccall thing okay I think there are a lot of them in mccall there's a lot of them I think there's like more there than other places why do you think that is because I feel like mccall is like uh older because it's kind of an older town so there's like more acceptance of like weird demonic creatures and stuff the religion in the principalities is pretty staunchly like demons are bad but in other places they're just like oh whatever it doesn't matter right yeah because mccall is like an older religion and the god of the flame is kind of a demon interesting it's seen by other religions as like a demon because it's a fire person oh wait is the prince of flame made of fire uh yeah just a burning person he's a burning person that's really spooky yeah so there's like a lot more acceptance of like that kind of stuff there interesting so what is a in our setting they just feed on life force of someone else through sex or relationship okay yeah cool yeah they don't necessarily kill someone when they leave sometimes like someone will date a succubus and then she'll finish feeding on his life force and he'll just be sad for a few months after the breakup yeah yeah I just think wow that that breakup really hit me hard yeah lose a bunch of weight yeah but it was a demon he was just depressed because she had eaten his part of his soul classic most succubi don't kill people yeah they don't just eat the whole soul uh-huh yeah well yeah why would you and we're also saying that male succubi called incubi no they're called male succubi all right there's all right are we not creating our own world sean you already haven't by using succubi no that's a term I came up with uh-huh and how did you get what's the root of the word succubi uh so because they're by they're all of the succubi are by uh-huh and they suck you and then they turn you by wow and that's how I came up with it uh-huh original character do not steal anyway yeah male succubi the way that they feed on women's souls is by just destroying their self-esteem by treating them like garbage yeah so anytime you see like a shitty dude with like a really cool like hot chick it's usually because he's a succubus wow whenever you're like what the fuck is going on here he's not even nice or cool it's just like oh it's because he's like he's eating her soul he's eating her soul yeah and he'll say shitty stuff like wow you like when we got together you still like really put a lot of effort in not anymore I guess yeah incredible so that is where we are oh allison whoa uh-huh good to see you again and then I leaned back and to like put my hand on the counter and I miss and I uh I fall backwards it's been a minute screech my why yeah I think what happened was I put my hand on the bar but it was wet and it slipped and I hit my head yeah elbow on the bar slip hit my head and then immediately get back up laughing my head is bleeding it's this live edge yeah and I also have to say that I'm not a big fan of the bar I'm not a big fan of the bar I'm not a big fan of the bar I'm not a big fan of the bar two black guys from that fight in the pool just at tacoma you've had quite a night uh it's uh just uh getting started if this is the tacoma I remember you always were able to take a little bit of punishment and I have taken quite a bit since we met to old times she holds up her drink and then I take it from her and I drink it and she kind of she just kind of looks at you like neutrally and just holds up her hand to the bartender for one more would you like another drink yeah sure okay then she holds up the symbol for two more okay which is uh two fingers she does she does like uh rock paper scissors too nice billy and ving are at the tables just like enjoying your meals yeah well we also just watched the aftermath of the bar of like allison and tuck meeting again yeah so what a billion thing to hearing the word allison well we mouths agape jump up we both jump up uh and then uh we're just like oh my god that's her she's real he wasn't making her up holy moly she's really pretty yeah ving then gets up to go talk to dina so ving just walks out of the bar to follow dina to wherever she's going oh and then comes back in the bar with her like come on let's go get a drink okay yeah comes back a moment later at the bar with dina he was like to billy they were like oh my god that's allison that's crazy that's nuts I'll be right back I'll be right back okay out the door comes back 30 seconds like before like the saloon doors and they squeak open before they can squeak back he comes back in with dina she's like oh hi yeah yeah right this way I like your crystal hands you would your crystal hands are so cool they're also pretty warm and they're just doing that she's like running her hands up and down ving's weird crystal arms hands and wrists or wherever it's at watch this she's trying to sing for you I used to do a little bit of singing in my youth oh yeah yeah yeah I believe you a bit kind of a dick to women a little bit what you didn't remember vev's name who's vev yeah there we go uh so what's billy doing he's just he's eating and he's taking the opportunity to eat some of ving's food okay when watching all these uh adults yeah and I'm like I don't know why they spend so much time with these women I don't know what they offer but it must be good and then my thoughts go to something else.

Just stop thinking about it entirely. I'm just eating. Oh, it's roast. I like that it was like they watched a train wreck happen and they were like, whoa. Oh my god. I think where it was like So many train wrecks. Yeah, they were just like Billy's like, I'm going to eat all of this food that I ordered and Bing is like, I'm going to go fuck that lady that Tuck fucked up with. Oh my god.

And that's where Tuck's leaned over the bar and the bartender comes over and brings two more of this cocktail that she's drinking. What are you doing in Crystal Bay? Oh, you know. I just kind of drift around. I go where the food is and an event like the Coronetta, it's kind of hard to pass up. Is it like a sex festival?

Well, we talked about yesterday or last time we played we talked about that since the Coronette is here people think that conceiving a child during the Coronetta the child will be like incredible. So a lot of people come here and try and bang. Succubus, they'll follow desperation around. Yeah, exactly. So they're like a lot of people are really desperate to bang in this period of time and I am here for it. So yeah, she's just like, you know, it's like a feast.

So there's a bunch of succubi in town? Is Bing in the situation? Is Bing like moving closer to the conversation? And Dina's like, so where are you from? The hardwoods in the frozen north. Oh, that sounds so interesting. And you're like looking at Tuck and Allison. She's like grabbing your face and moving it back towards her. Oh, hey, I like your hair. Yeah. What's up with the gills? Oh, those are my tell. What does that mean? I'll tell you later. Tickles the hair on her chin.

And Allison is like, wait, does she have a beard? No. Hair's on her chin. Sometimes, you know. Menopause. That's just Dina. Yeah. Menopause is a bitch. Okay, cool. Or maybe wherever she's from, women just have goatees sometimes. She's trying to help her grow, you know? Trying to help her grow that hair on her face. And Allison is saying, you know, and especially the way that this coronet has been working out, I don't see myself leaving anytime soon. Oh, yeah, because it's like lasting forever.

Well, I mean, you might have noticed, but. What time of day would you say it is? You know what? It really wasn't established that well. I said that as you were coming to the beach dwell that you were surprised that the sun hadn't fully gone down yet. Oh, yeah. And you look out the window and it's still sunset. I don't know. It's like evening? I mean, by my watch, and she pulls out like an old flip open mechanical watch, she's like, it's 5 a.m. Whoa. What?

Yeah, so, you know, people, sunset's so beautiful. It's already, you know, it gets the blood flowing for a lot of people. This has been a real nice hunting ground for me for the last few weeks. Wait, how long has the sun been setting for? Say 16, 17 days. Whoa, what the fuck? I wish I could explain it, but it has been a boon for me. And she takes a sip of her cocktail. Have you been killing guys? Killing? Please. Why would I cut down the tree when all I need is a little applesauce? Gross. Fuck.

She takes another sip. That's based on a real… I thought about that thing when I was thinking about what Allison's doing here. That's based on a real thing my dentist said to me when he heard that I got engaged. Wow. He said, why would you buy the cow when all you want is a little ice cream? What the fuck is wrong with your dentist? He divorced his wife and married his secretary. Like a classic piece of shit dentist.

She's like, no, you know, I just, so I just I take a little bit here, I take a little bit there. Oh, yeah. You did it to me. Remember? When you took my second virgin? Do you remember that? And she stops. She was taking a sip of her drink and she looks at you like, excuse me? Remember when you… Tacoma, we never… I wrote a whole song about it. What do you… What do you think the second virginity is? It's the kissing virginity. And she closes her eyes.

The first one is hugging, second one is kissing. Oh, Tacoma. And then the third one is both hugging and kissing. Together at the same time. Yeah, I suppose we never did those two things at once, did we? Yeah. I haven't gone past two. Oh, Tacoma. And she pats your shoulder. You sweet, sweet boy. Two. Yes, two. We've lost two virginities. Oh, boy. There's 45. It's been a long time since we've seen each other. Yeah, wait, no, hold on. I'm sorry. 45? Yeah, the last one is anal.

And she kind of goes, hmm. This is a list that I was given. When I was living on the streets of McCall. Oh, I did see that list going around back in the day. The 23rd one is like having sex with like a folded knee. You know what? Let's not talk anymore about this. Okay. I'm here for business, not pleasure, as it were. What are you doing here? We're just, we're also here for pleasure. Which is the opposite of what you said. Any winks at her. Oh, what? We're also here for pleasure.

Is that what you said? Wait, what did you say? I said, yeah. Oh, boy. Jeez. And then I grab her drink and I drink it. I got you one. I finished it. Okay. I'm really stressed out. She holds up her hand two more. Yeah. I have a tab going. Okay, cool. Yeah. Me and the bartender, we have a little arrangement. Are you having sex with him for free alcohol? That's the arrangement, yes. I'm here with these guys that I point to Billy and Ving. Hi.

She sees like a little child, a tiny one foot, two foot tall ball sitting alone eating a feast at a table. That's, is he yours? Yeah, that one's mine. And then that's my partner. And I point it. Oh, Tacoma. I'm so glad that you found happiness. Yeah, these guys are great. Yes, I'm sure they are. There's two more back at the hotel. Oh. Yeah. Well, Tacoma, I like that you've grown. Yeah. Yeah. He got confused. He doesn't know what she's talking about.

Have you heard that song that's been going around? And she smiles like, I had a feeling that that was you. That was us. That was Ving. Ving was the one that did the backing vocals on it. Ving just turns around and gives her like a little rock and roll. Rock and roll horns. Crystal horns. And she, she holds up her drink, gives you a nod. And so what happened? I'm wondering, what did Tuck think happened to Allison? He thought that a priest killed her. Oh, yeah, right. Right, okay.

But it's pretty sick that you're not dead or in hell. Well, I was banished for a year or two. You were in the outer dark? Yeah. I got sent back. That was unpleasant. I so enjoyed having a humanoid form that going back to sort of the boundless chaos of the outer dark was not enjoyable experience altogether. But I'm so glad to be back. And I'm so glad to meet you again and your friends. Little boy over there. Hello. This is Billy. This is Billy. Does he want to come over here?

Well, let's just go over to the table. Okay, I'll come sit with you. Yeah. And Allison walks up. She's very graceful. She's got a flowing red dress, long red hair, pale skin. Oh, my God. Is Billy feeling feelings? No, but he's intimidated. Well, yeah, for sure. Are you a ghost? Oh, no, I'm not a ghost. I'm a woman. Okay. She slides into the booth. What's your name? I'm Fat Billy. Your name is Fat Billy? Yes. Okay. Yes. My name's Allison. She holds out a hand. Oh, you're Allison. That one.

Yes, that one. I assume you've heard the song. Yes. I assume you've heard some stories. I've heard the virginities. And she looks at Tacoma like, how much have you told him? Not a lot. We haven't had the talk yet. Yeah, the virginities. Is Billy saying virginity? Yes. Does he know my true nature? Yeah, it was in the song. Oh, yeah, I suppose it was. Yeah, he knows. Billy, do you know what a succubus is? Yeah, she took your heart and your hymen. Those poor hymen. The men. The Scottish hymen.

Yeah. So, yeah, he kind of knows. Where'd you keep them? Oh, there were some inconsistencies in that song, I assure you. Billy, when you're like looking at Allison, you're thinking, oh, she's very pretty, but she also seems very scary. No, like, you're getting this weird vibe where she seems very nurturing. What? Like she would take care of you. Really? I know. Like, at first you're like, oh, she's very unsettling in some way.

But you get this like nagging feeling that she's like, she would be somebody that would take care of you, that you could come to if you were scared or if you were sad. But I'm scared right now. Yeah. It's a very, do you want to, is there any sort of role that you want to make? Yeah, how do I, I will discern the realities of Allison. So 2d6 plus wisdom. 10. So awesome. 10 plus. With a 10 plus you get three questions from this list. What happened here recently? What is about to happen?

What should I be on the lookout for? What here is useful or valuable to me? Who's really in control here? What here is not what it appears to be? Okay, I'm gonna ask what should I be on the lookout for? This feeling of Allison like being nurturing in some way. Mm-hmm. Since you have more experience with magical, supernatural stuff, you understand that this is not a feeling that you were feeling. This is an energy that she's putting off. Okay. And then who's really in control here? Allison.

Definitely. Allison is in control in here to a degree that you are just starting to recognize now that you realize that this isn't a natural feeling that you were feeling for her. You look around and you see everybody in the bar is kind of stealing glances at her. There are some people openly staring like it's just like everyone in the bar is being pulled towards her in a weird way. Hmm. And what here is not what it appears to be. Okay. Yeah.

So Billy, you notice you're like watching all these people that are being pulled towards Allison and staring and you see one table of real rough neck looking like shitty guys. Yeah. And they're looking over at Allison and they're looking at tuck and they're like talking behind their hands like like pointing at him like and they're like kind of psyching each other up. You see one of them start to get up from the table with like a beer really wagering over. What is Mark of Might do again?

Mark of Might is they recognize you as somebody not to be fucked with. Do you have that? Yeah, I have Mark of Might. Oh, okay. So that would probably actually and my Mark of Might is like a bunch of friendship bracelets that we all made for each other. So we're each wearing three friendship bracelets. Right. I forgot about that. I forgot that's what you decided. That is like makes it very clear that we're friends. Yeah.

So does Billy just like like kick tuck under the table or something like that? Is this guy swag? Yeah, I do. Yeah. Yeah. I've been while he does this. I've been listing the different virginities and I was like, so number 10 is over the shirt or under the shirt over the bra left. Yes. Number 11 is over the shirt under the bra right boob. Oh, they're separate virginity. And honestly, this is the first time these guys are hearing this. Yeah. It's wrapped. Yeah. Billy Billy thinks this is the talk.

So I'm taking notes. No. Yeah. Yeah. Jessica poked her brain every time. Talk to us on Billy goes pokes his forehead. I got it in here. I got it. This is how Billy learns is like he listens with his eyes open. He's like, it's in there. It's in there. It's in there. It's in there. It's in there. It's in there. Great. When Billy learns, it's so fucking weird. He's also got like because they gave him like the menu, the kids menu with the crayons.

So he's like making symbols like okay, boob their boob. It's not good, but he knows what it is. It's Billy language. It's like Billy's weird, like pretending to write scribbles that actually do have meaning. Yeah. Yeah. If you look at him really hard, you're like, oh, no, I get what he's trying to say. I get what he's saying for some reason. That's soft core. This guy is he's standing there with like a mug and he's pretty big. He's definitely not as big as Tucker Ving, but he's pretty big.

And I bring my hands up from under the table to reveal my friendship bracelets. And I do the same. And Ving turns around and planks his crystal arm with bracelets around it. Yeah. So the guy sees Tuck do that and he's like, oh, I'm not just gonna go talk shit to this one guy. There are three people in this bar. Two and a half men, really. How have we not ever made that connection? I don't know. The closest I ever got was three men and a baby, but with two men. Yeah. We suck at comedy. So dumb.

So he like he sees enormous Tuck and especially when you put your friendship bracelets up on the table, he sees your like enormous arms, like how truly yoked you are. And then Billy puts his up and he sees Billy's got a ton of knives and he sees Ving like things becoming basically a monster. I flare my gills at him. Yeah. And you got the crystal claws and he just looks at everybody and he goes, hey, hey, what's up? Can we help you, friend? I doubt it.

Is there someone else who can help you there? I don't know. He's really nervous because he came over here being like, this is going to be great. And now he's like, I don't know. What about what about you? How are you doing? And he looks at Allison and Allison takes a sip of her drink like I'm fine. Like you can tell he wants to say something, but he's he's working up the courage. And then what's we're like, what's your name? It's not it's tuber.

We can tell that he's and he's nervous about talking. And we're like we get nervous when we talk sometimes to just say whatever's in your head. It's totally fine. It's a safe space. You're with friends. Yeah, say it. And then we're like to to to and he just turns around and he walks away to don't be like that. He gets back to the table and his friends are like, what are you doing? What do you do? Go back there. Go back. And he's like, and one of his friends is like, no, forget this.

They're not even from here. You could. They're not even from here, man. This is our bar. And one of them just picks up like their glass and whips it at your at your booth. Okay. Whoa, it's sailing right at your booth. What do you do? I just punch it with my crystal hand. Sick. Give me a defy danger dexterity. What a wild move. Yeah. Oh, wow. Snake ice. Yeah, there's nothing we can do. Nothing you can do about that. So what happens when you try to hit this?

I punch the glass still intact into Tuck's face. I said, heads up. Bam. Right in Tuck's face. What's your damage? D6. Roll it. Roll it. No, you don't really do six. Talk. You roll a D6 to so you only take one because you have natural one armor. Oh, man. I start laughing because I thought it was pretty funny. Yeah, but it just smashes. It hits me in the nose. Like that was pretty close. You have a bloody forehead, two black eyes and a cracked nose. Man, crystal base fucking attempt.

Oh, it chipped your tooth, bud. No, not my tooth. Oh, no. And all these guys start laughing like and like multiple tables of shitheads are just laughing at you now. Hey, like get out of here. Come on. Get out of here. You little wusses. Get up. Move on. What is the establishment doing? This is a classy joint. The beached whale? No, it's not. Oh, it's kind of a shitty. Yeah, it's kind of a dive. The bartender is not paying a attention. Like he's like looking away like cleaning glasses. Wow.

You get the idea that these guys like all know each other and that this is maybe a bar that like the bartender doesn't really want them at, but they pay most of the time. Maybe they're related to somebody. Oh, it's like there's like some kind of crime. Yeah, it's like a mob thing. Like they're all in a gang and it's like, well, we can't really tell them to leave. Yeah. But nobody else wants to come here because these guys are here all the time. And so I stand up.

You stand up and like six tables of people stand up and I'm like, hey, rude. Apologize to Billy because he got beer all over the thing. Stands up. I'm sorry, man. That was my dad. I'm sorry, bud. See, he apologized. I forgive you. That was easy. Yeah, you guys apologize now. And Tuber is like, we're not going to apologize for anything. This is our bar. What are you talking about? Do you own it? No, we just own like half of Crystal Bay. Really? Are you? What?

What's a dumb name for a gang that thinks it's cool? The Red Scorpions? Diamond Shields? The Crystal Bay Pirates? Yeah, I like that. Okay. So stupid. It is. You just stumbled into the one of the many layers of the Crystal Bay Pirates and they roll up. He rolls up his sleeve and there's like a crystal, a purple crystal skull tattoo on his arm and they all roll up their sleeves and they've all got this tattoo of a crystal purple skull. Whoa. Can I see it? Can I go closer?

And they all back up a little bit. I just want to look at the tattoo. Oh, I like this moment of like, let me see it. Whoa. Yeah. I want to see a tattoo. Whoa. It's like tense, but you're just trying to look at the tattoo. I'm trying to look at your tattoo. If you want to come look at it, you're going to have to come look at my fist. And there's a second where everybody waits to see what Tuck does.

And Allison is sitting in the booth and she uncrosses her legs and then crosses them again and takes a sip of her drink. And then everything goes nuts. Barbara! Yeah, and somebody starts playing peony. It's like ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. He swings at you. What do you do? I try and grab his arm as he's swinging. Roll a d6. Three. He hits you right in the face. You take two damage. I do the thing where I get hit in the face and I laugh. I go, whoa. Pretty good.

And then I kick him in the stomach out the window. Okay. Roll a hack and slash. Fuck yeah. He takes damage like he heard a joke. Good one. Nine. Roll your damage. Six. So you just, what, you plant your foot on his chest like Hulk style? Yeah. And so you kick this guy, you kick Tuber out a window and he's just gone. And then his friend picks up a chair and slams you with it. That's where I want sound effects. Roll d6 again. Six. Six. So he hits you for five damage.

He just destroys a chair on your back. I'm going up to the chair destroyer. Okay. So what does Bing do? I'm going to punch him in the face. Okay. Two to six plus your strength. Eight. Roll your damage. Five. Yeah. Again, you take care of this guy very easily. He hits you a couple times. Like as you pick him up, he like kicks you in the shins. Ah, my shins. And then you just throw him out the window behind his friend. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a small pile of people ending up outside this window.

Billy has a move that allows him to act very quickly. So is Billy doing anything? Oh, shoot first. Yeah, of course. I put some oil of tagget on my daggers and I just go and cut some ankle tendons. Oh my God. Some Achilles heels. Okay. Yeah, they're going to need some serious surgery. Holy shit. So is Billy sneaking up on a particular person? There's two guys who were like kind of leaning out the window like, oh shit. And I cut their ankles. Oh my God. Yeah. Huh. So I did. Nine. Roll your damage.

Four. Okay. Yeah. So that is you just sneak up behind this guy and you slice his leg with the oil of tagget. Sure do. And he goes, and then he just slumps down on the ground. Bye. Snoring lightly. And kiss him. Sleep tight. Good night, sweet prince. And his friend looks down and is like, what the fuck is this? Yeah, you're next, bud. Little kid with a knife. You know, like I feel like most of them didn't even see Billy. No, they don't talk.

You look over and you see Billy get grabbed by the scruff of his shirt by this Crystal Bay Rock pirate. I take the table that we were sitting at and I lift it and I throw it at the largest group of them. Okay, cool. So yeah, that's like a defy danger strength. Strength is two is six. Can I help? Oh, he only got a six. Yeah. So you can eat him for sure. Yeah. Maybe we pick it up together and we throw it together. Yeah, for sure. So 2d6 plus bond three tables a lot heavier than it was. Yeah.

So I believe that you both failed. So you get you both get an experience point. Yeah. So it is a thing where I like I kick it over and I'm like, or no, I'm tuck. I'm like table and then we both go to lift it and it's just table. Yeah, it's nailed to the floor. It's oh, yeah, we like try and push it. We both like oh, once you do that, the group of Crystal Bay Pirates that work you were going to throw them at just dive over the table on both of you and start beating the shit out of you.

How many you said the largest group probably for yeah, six people. Yeah. So there's three on each of you just wailing on you. So give me another d6 and this one's going to be plus two six. Yeah. So you take eight total and they're just like raining punches down on you. I am a running pretty low on HP. Yeah. Yeah. What do you have? Oh, I have three left. Whoa. No, there's no way that lost 21 in this fight, but we haven't rested. You've had multiple nights of full rest.

No, the last though I lost a bunch of HP when those rocks were hitting me from the beach and then they fight game in the spa that wasn't restful. Oh, yeah, I think I lost. Okay. Yeah, talk just hasn't had the opportunity to rest. Yeah, so I'm seeing the light leave text like we're both getting well done and looking over in between punches running is a thing that you can do. How many people are left? There are seven left. There's three on you three on thing and then one has Billy by the scrub.

I was I don't know. I feel like a crazy explosive. Oh, shapeshift might what if I came here up? Yeah, like like this is it's been a long time since being a shapeshifted to just thinking of like just popping into like just going crazy and shapeshifting, but it'll be really sloppy and kind of a mix of a bunch. Oh, yeah. So wait, how does your animal companionship work? I don't know. Do you turn into a Thunderbird or do you know Thunder? Yeah, it's a companion of mine.

Oh, yeah, and it's this is just begun. So it could eventually be like his actual animal companion. Yeah. Yeah, but right now it's like he has visions of it once in a while because he marked it with the water from the Sea of Graves. Yeah. Is this the moment to try maybe while he's getting pummeled? He's seeing. Oh, yeah. Totally like Thor. When Thor's getting the ship beaten out of him by the Hulk. Yeah, totally. Ragnarok and he's like seeing stuff. Yeah, exactly.

You're having flashes of like clouds and pillars and like fights with other Thunderbirds and lightning and storm clouds. And then he just transforms into a polar bear with Thunderbird wings tight. Yeah. And crystal hands and like a weird antlers. He's got antlers on there too. And he's got doing every snake tail. He has a snake tail. Whoa, the butter the face part. Yeah. His penis is a Arctic chair penis. Nine. Sick. So you get one hold from this. Yeah. And I murder all the guys. Sick.

So it's just this group of people are just wailing on you over and over again. And then suddenly there's a massive polar bear in the middle of the room. Huge like storm gray wings, antlers, crystal paw, crystal paws, flaring gills, rock hard char, the fog of the sea of graves pours from the gills and his rock hard fish dick is there. Snake tail and a white snake tail. And it is a terrifying sight to behold. And is your is the hold that you're using to like scare the shit out of all these. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. And beat them with my wings like so Sean in the face, by the ways I imagine like when they beat their wings, it's like a thunderclap. Yeah. Yeah. Totally. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Like it shatters people's ears. Yeah. The one that's the one that's holding Billy like is starting to pick Billy up is just like pushed sideways out of the broken window. Yeah. Bye, bitch. Billy hits. Oh, yeah.

Like a sack of rice and the ones that got thrown off thing just run and the other ones that were on tuck also just fucking are covering their ears. There's like blood pouring out of their eardrums and shit like that. And most of them just start running. Cool. More like the crystal butt pirates. High five. He says as a polar bear. Yeah, they're all starting to run like one. The one that built was holding Billy got kicked out the window. Can I chase them? Oh, yeah. Okay, I'm going. Yeah.

So what's Billy trying to do? He's gonna throw daggers. Oh, yeah. Okay. Oh, Billy's just like I'm gonna kill them. I'm just mad. Yeah. I got seven. So then yeah, roll your damage. Seven. Oh, yeah. You just fucking kill. You throw a knife and you miss because you're so mad. And then the other one just nails them and they're they hit. Are you killing them? Yep.

Then yeah, it hits him and like in the base of the skull and he just crumples into the bar and the right sweet prince and the rest run out of the room. Sick. And the other one that was asleep on the ground is now like groggily trying to be like what the fuck is happening. So there's one of the crystal bay pirates is still here. And the bartender gets up covering his ears and he's like, you need to go. What? Get out of here. He's terrified. He's staring at this massive polar bear monster.

We will leave. Yeah. Okay. So I grab Allison by the arm because I know that she did this. Uh-huh. And I'm like, we're going now because wherever you want to go, shut the fuck up. And I grab the the sleepy butt pirate. Oh, yeah. Okay. Drag him out to. Wow. What a fucking question. Terrifying. As a polar bear. Yeah. And I turned to Dina. I'm like, call me. And Dina's like, what? She's got both of her hands on her ears. Everyone's dead. Snake kisses. Snake tail kisses her on the cheek.

She is not into that. No. And you're gone. Dina stays behind. Yeah. So where is there somewhere nearby that we could have like a quiet conversation? Let's go to a quiet beach rock. Yeah. Yeah. There's lots of beach. And the beach dwell was already sort of on the edge. Of any super populated part of town. And it's sunset. I mean, it's been sunset for a while, but everybody's milling about elsewhere.

So you take her down to the beach and you drag her further down the beach and you get to this part where it's pretty quiet. There's no one nearby. There's no houses and it's just like the ocean, the sand, and then it goes up to like a high cliff with like grass at the top. Like there's a field at the top of this cliff, but here you're secluded and you're alone. Are the crystals in the ocean doing anything?

They're reflecting the light from the sunset and they're sort of casting these moving lights. These like undulating patterns on the cliff behind you. Prismatic. Cool. Yeah. Sick. Yeah. Which is illuminating bits of crystal in the rock itself. Like it's a very glittery area that you find yourself in. Bing's crying. Sorry. Bing's crying? Yeah, he's crying. Why? Because he feels so guilty for making bear and snake and char and thunderbird. Yeah. And elk. He's just like, yeah, it hurts.

He's just having a moment with it. Yeah. And it just makes him really mad. Yeah. As a butt pirate. As a crystal pirate. They're butt pirates now. So yeah, I just kind of like toss Allison. I've just been dragging her and I've been quiet because I've been really mad and like thinking about what I wanted to say and I just like toss her on the sand and I was like what the fuck was that? I'm sorry. I really am sorry. I'm sorry about that. You put all of us in danger. This isn't okay anymore.

Like I have a family now. I've just I've never I haven't been like Billy's a kid. Bing has not transformed in months and look at them. Look at what you did. I'm a monster. I'm a murderer. Billy's fake. Yeah. Yeah. He's just laughing. Now. I knew you could handle it. No, this is too much. I agree. I haven't had this long an opportunity to feed in my entire existence. This is the strongest I've ever been.

It's to the point where I don't even the smallest gesture can set off of a feeding frenzy wherever I go, but I knew that you could handle it. You wanted to take care of me, didn't you? Tacoma? I don't want you, but I have a pretty hard erection right now. The fight is kind of turning Tacoma. She stood up. She's like brushing sand off of her like long pale legs. The light from the crystals is glittering off her skin. This is such an uncomfortable situation. Yeah.

So you think you're telling me that you're not interested in having any part of me now, but you've released an almost universally popular single that's being heard. Heard in towns across the principalities. You think that I wasn't going to find you? You think that I wasn't going to follow the clues? You knew I would find you. You knew that I needed you. For what? Come on, Tacoma. I was banished. He's touched his boner into his waistband. And it's peeking at the door. Disgusting. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I don't know what he's gonna do with it. He's trying to have a conversation. Such an old school solution. He has his hand over it. Yeah, he's trying to be modest. He's holding an algebra book over it. Come on, Tacoma. Think. I was banished for two years, and now I'm back. You think that the priest that banished me was just gonna give up? I'm being followed. I'm being tracked. I knew you were the only person that could help me, and then I found myself here in Crystal Bay.

And I can't leave. What do you mean you can't leave? I have tried. I can't find the will to leave here. I think I've been trapped. By what? And, Abdul, this is a question I have for you. What is, like, the group within the Church of the Flame that traditionally banishes demons called? I guess the Lightguard? Pretty sick. Is this a Spout Lore roll, do you think? Yeah, this could be a Spout Lore, for sure. Yeah. Holy shit. Eleven plus… What? Intelligence. Eleven. Alright. Eleven plus eleven.

Spectacular. Well, you still got an eleven, so that's wonderful. On a ten plus on Spout Lore, the GM will tell you something interesting and useful about the subject relevant to your situation. The religion of flame organizes the world into two sections. There's, like, the light and the dark, and the dark is the outer dark, where, like, demons and hungry ghosts and all that bullshit live. And the outer dark is where, like, dead stars die and go to the outer dark.

And when demons die, they end up going to the outer dark. Like, there are, like, entities in the world that get drawn to, like, this other half of the universe when they die. So, the Lightguard exists to separate the outer dark from the world that we live in, which is, like, the world of the flame. Mm-hmm.

So, the religion of the flame and the Lightguard, they think it's their duty to make sure that the two worlds are always separate, which is why the Lord of the Flame burned out that ocean, because people think the salt flats are, like, a seal, kind of separating the two worlds. Oh, cool. Yeah. Which is also why the salt flats are called the Broken Shores. Mm-hmm. Because they're the shores on the edges of the two worlds. Right. Cool. Awesome. That's great. That's really good stuff.

Do I get a point for that? No, that's not an elevator move. Take it back. Take it back. I take all of that back. It's not canon. Cut it out. I am deleting this file. Good luck. So, yeah, that was a spell, Lord. So, yeah, Allison says, the Lightguard is looking for me. They've tracked me here. I think there are others stuck you by in Crystal Bay right now. They've trapped us all here. The Coronet might be connected. It's been sunset for over two weeks. I don't know how they did it.

They shouldn't have this much power. This is impossible. But we're all here. We can't leave. And the Lightguard is coming. What can we do? Save me. How? Kill them. And that's where we're gonna end it for this week. My name is Sean O'Hara. I'm your Game Master. With me, as always, playing Fat Billy, the Halfling Thief, Jessica Tai. Bye, everyone. Playing Tacoma Dome, the Barbarian, Abdulaziz. So long. Playing Ving, the Half-Elf Druid, Paul Oppers. Take care.

Thanks to Aaron Reid for the intro and outro music. Thanks to Wes for all the technical work. Abdul for all the editing. And thanks to our Patreon supporters for supporting the show. We really appreciate that. We've been playing Dungeon World by Adam Coble and Sage Latoura, which you can find online wherever you get your RPGs from. And if you want to find Spout Lore on social media, we're at Spout Lore in most places. Should be pretty easy to find at this point. Yeah, you fucking idiots.

You dumb pieces of shit. You keep asking, where do I find you? That was a weird, that became Scottish. Marble. You dumb pieces of shit. Here we go. I had an idea for anyone that's making stuff on the internet. What if there's a website that has an account on it where you can put your profile and you just describe everything that you do and you put links to all the stuff that you do on there. It's called MSN Messenger. Find us. We are at Spout Lore.

Backslash IceDragon6969 at MSN Messenger.ca There are a lot of IceDragon6969s. We're the one with the Bright Eyes song lyrics in our bio description. See you on MSN, everybody. Have a good night. Bye-bye. And so ends the tale of Adventures 3 who tried the best they can. Though dumb and scared and lost they be, for time suppressed in revelry. And though our journey may be like a conclusion, we will not leave you without a resolution.

Return next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores.! I'm going to the! I'm going to the! I'm going to the! I'm going to the! I'm going to the!

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape, and wields a spear with great might Peely's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends, and listen close For the tale's about to start Hi everybody, my name's Sean O'Hara, I'm your Game Master.

Welcome to Spout Lore, colon, a podcast. I'm your Game Master Sean O'Hara, which I definitely already said, and joining me as always playing Fat Billy the Halfling Thief Jessica Tai Hello! Eating, mouth full of something, and joining me also is playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian Abdulaziz Who's the Game Master though? It's your friend Sean O'Hara Okay Yeah, and playing Bing the Half-Elf Druid Paul Op-ers Wow, we got a real punchy crew today What's up Sean?

I'm just kicking it man When last we left our heroes, they had an encounter with Hi Sean Hi Abdul, how are you doing?

He's not looking at me He's not even engaging An encounter with the Sorry, there's a delay in the satellite We're doing this via correspondence Abdul's on the ground in Abu Dhabi Reporting on, I don't know, the satellite The production of Sex and the City movie 3 When last we left our heroes Yeah, I am in Abu Dhabi It's great here That's enough When last we left our heroes, they had an encounter with the succubus Allison A figure from Tuck's past And I'm really not sure when Abdul's gonna interrupt me But I know he's going to I'm preparing for it Such a carry Allison, as in her, uh, you're killing me I'm looking at you and I keep seeing you breathe in To interrupt and I know it's gonna happen Allison the succubus Seemingly It has been a star-studded couple of weeks Sean Let me tell you, seeing the four back together, it's been amazing Alright, that's enough More?

It's incredible From Sex and the City Anyways, uh What we, when the, Allison the succubus Seemingly almost accidentally but probably not fully Accidentally set off a bar fight in the beached whale Forcing Tacoma Dome, Ving the Druid, and Fat Billy to come to Tuck's aid as they fought off a small gang that called themselves the Crystal Bay Pirates And it went pretty bad Tuck is pretty hurt Billy killed a person And Ving shape-shifted for the first time in months Into a horrid polar bear, snake, winged, horned monster Chimera Awful And Allison revealed to the party That she has been unable to leave Crystal Bay due to the Sheer amount of potential food sources She's been unable to overcome that urge And the coronet she believes is a trap laid by a Macaulayn religious group called the Light Guard Who were responsible for her banishment years ago And may be tracking her and other subjects Right now And she's just asked us to help her kill the Light Guard Yeah she's asked for your help in defending her by killing the members of the Light Guard That have come or are coming to Crystal Bay They're gonna kill me Tacoma For good You want me to fight off a religious organization I don't even know You're asking me to defend monsters Against the religion of the flame I don't even know It sounds like you're asking us to fight the good guys Think about it from my point of view They killed me They've killed many of my friends and loved ones throughout the years And they will continue to do so until someone stops them Who's they?

The Light Guard Oh Yeah Billy doesn't know any of this Yeah I don't know any of this So I guess I kinda need to bring these guys up to speed On what we're dealing with here What we're dealing with You do it with pictures?

The Light Guard are an order of holy warriors from McCall Who are charged with killing demons And I point at Allison And she bows And they're coming here to kill all of the succubi that they've trapped in Crystal Bay it sounds like Whether by accident or design yes that seems to be the case Is it all just succubi or just anything from the outer dark?

I'm pretty sure I've run into one or two other succubi And that alone is pretty sure And that alone is pretty sure That's shocking And you want us to help you because you're not evil? Well no I'm just You're trying to convince us of that? I'm like any of you would you want to be condemned for eating?

Oh my god no That really worked Yeah she totally found Billy's butt That's okay yes Billy you understand all I need to eat I need to feed or I will starve Yeah I get it He's crying for real Billy starts crying actually I gotta help you I gotta save you See I think Billy and I are in agreement And something tells me that maybe you have a little experience with this to begin with What are you what? And she reaches up and she grabs your amulet What about these?

The what what She pops it open There's a lot of stuff in the amulet now Yeah there's a lot of horses She pops it open a lot of shit falls out It's like there's a picture of Ving's wife there's a picture of a horse and a lady Right right right There's also two obsidian coins in there She's Thane's wife So she So they all clink to the sand So she all yeah she opens it a bunch of stuff falls onto the sand like there's a little drawing of a lady There's a horse and she picks up one of the obsidian coins she says then why do you have this?

I found it in a traveler's shrine She closes her eyes a little bit and just sighs It's like of course So this was an accident Yeah most things are Ving's like dee lee lee lee lee lee lee with his crystal fingers So she holds up the obsidian coins she's like these are symbols used to recognize members of the dark guard You're familiar with the dark guard Tacoma Yeah but the dark guard are just a story about the warriors on the other side in the outer dark We should probably roll for this Okay can I Spout Lore about the dark guard?

Yeah yeah for sure Bye Ah plus intelligence? Yep Bye And two people cannot aid him? No they cannot Can we not get two people aiding? No we absolutely can't What about one succubus? We absolutely can't So what is this move gonna be? Like I've only heard stories about the dark guard The dark guard are a myth from the book of the flame Mmhmm Right?

Okay so maybe you just don't believe her Yeah Yeah so you're like no that's a story Yeah the book of the flame is like a binary like belief system So there's always a reflection to everything that they say exists So the only reason why the dark guard exists is because the light guard exists in the book It's a metaphor It's a metaphor for like the bad parts of people She closes her hand over the coins and she goes well I suppose if you found these accidentally They might as well be a story at this point and she slides them into like a pocket on her dress Her dress has pockets Hey no those are mine I'm sure you don't need these Need doesn't even enter into it Are you gonna help me or not?

What do you guys think? I say yes cause I I understand what it means to be persecuted just cause you're hungry And no one's here to help Allison Like if people just listened they would know that they were hungry too Billy when was the last time you were persecuted for eating? Also when did you learn that word?

I don't know Billy you look hungry I ate an hour ago Not even an hour ago like it's probably been 30 minutes since the fight started Billy doesn't know Yeah exactly So it's at this point that the Crystal Bay pirate that you dragged out of the bar starts to groan He's like what'd you do to me? And they start getting up what do you do?

Not as much as we can do to you if you start being a son of a bitch I don't I'm gonna go I'm outta here let go of me He's starting to run so you're gonna have to like make a roll Leg sweep I trip him 2d6 plus dexterity 9 Can I aid? Oh yeah you can aid if you aid it'll be a 10 if you succeed yeah that'd be great Yeah Maybe I'll use better dice Nope that one I used this one Yeah nice That was not a roll That was a roll I put the dice down And did the dice move?

Yes Barely Okay fine I'll do it again 6, 8 Okay great there we go So it makes it a 10 so the guy gets up I sweep the leg and Tuck catches him in midair Yeah I catch him by his neck Oh just his full on neck Yeah So you trip and he Ving sweeps his leg and you just grab the back of his neck Yeah And he's hanging there by his neck And I look at Allison and I'm like sometimes I'm pretty impressive She rolls her eyes I look at her and I'm holding this guy and I'm gesturing still normally As if I didn't have anything in my hands Like you're holding a cucumber Yeah exactly and I was like look and I I gesture towards her And he's like bleh And I'm like we can't just let you stay here and get slaughtered We'll help you get out of town But I'm a monster Yeah Ving's like we are all monsters in our own way Okay what's your plan with him?

So I look at the guy and I'm like hey we need To talk to the boss We need to talk to the boss we need to find a way out of town He's like I never I'm never gonna work with you And he's kicking his legs around I grab his legs So Billy jumps up and grabs his legs Sure Give me a defy danger strength Seven Okay so you grab you just jump up and grab his legs I grab his legs and make hey shut the fuck up And listen And he's kicking his legs around and he kicks and breaks something in your backpack What the fuck Yeah so what is it It's one of my bottles of tag it Oh so he breaks one of your doses of oil of tag it And you feel the oil like seeping through your backpack I drop it okay or not No it's this is a seven to nine so this is like a soft move but like what do you do I drop it onto the ground but before I do that I wipe it on his leg his foot Okay you gotta give me a roll for that Five fuck five Two to six plus dexterity Yeah ten There it is okay so you are able to like get your backpack off while you're still holding on to him Yeah one solid swing and down the oil goes So you get the backpack off and you smush it on his body And he's starting to fall asleep now Oh well fuck Sorry He's like you never This stuff's pretty good and he's like his eyes are fluttering Uh Yeah I mean we can deal with this guy later it's just I mean we have him Yeah But we okay Put him down and I'll tie him up Okay Do you have a rope Yeah I do Okay sick alright yeah so you tie him up with the rope And Allison is like okay so you're gonna help me Yeah we'll get you out of town and then we'll deal with the light guard Works for me We'll try and figure out what the fuck is going on Cause trapping a bunch of like people in what is essentially a killing cage doesn't sound like something they would do Mmhmm So we'll just help you get out of the cage Okay I look forward to you finding a solution Okay Where to We should probably talk to Perel Alright and we can cut back to the emerald to your penthouse suite and Perel and Mears are just living it up in here They've got room service they've got bathrobes on There's like all the fancy candles are burning there's like there's like scented oil in the lanterns it's so nice in here Stinks in here Holy fuck yeah Fuck you guys It's a lot and they're just laughing like school girls They got pedicures together like Yeah they went down to the spa they're just having a day Um well I'm gonna open a window you guys cause it reeks No no no don't these are Okay Yeah it smells like a bunch like a panusian nightclub in here Ugh Well you know what maybe some people like that Who's this This is Allison Allison From the song Oh Oh What's why's she here isn't she and Perel stands up any kind of like Uh clenches his fists she's like isn't she a succubus Yeah she is Why would you bring her here Cause she needs our help Oh okay great reason to bring a demon into a two bedroom hotel Hey she's being prosecuted Persecuted She's being persecuted for wanting to eat can you not imagine Mears can you imagine so innocent Mears is eyes wide looking at Allison swearing Allison sweating like he's just so sweaty now he's like um Remember what we told you about Perel we need your trust And Mears just gets up off the bed and goes into the other room Why are you so sweaty hey Nothing and he leaves and he closes the door and he's just like you hear him go like Ah ah He might be masturbating in there I'm not I'm stressed out Okay he might be masturbating I'm not Yeah his body's gonna throw a lot of shit we're explaining this to Allison he's like he's a teenager His body's gonna throw a lot of changes Oh I don't wanna have to be here for this She nods at Perel and this is This is Perel he's a misunderstood being like yourself Oh really Yes he's a wizard Oh really Um Oh Interesting Or is he We don't know He's a computer wiz Yeah he is amazing he's amazing at getting back into emails And um He's so good at it Is someone genuinely trying to lie to Allison Yeah No Well either way Perel's like no you heard right I'm a wizard He's Plus his Yeah His coat and his crock He's wearing a kimono basically Yeah totally it's really high up on his thighs so he's like so watch your step creature Or I'll send you back to the outer dark where you belong His the towel he's wearing on his head flops down So watch your step He's trying to blow it and put it back in his mouth And then he takes it off and he's bald underneath Yeah Watch your step creature or I'll send you back to the outer dark where you belong I don't think that'll be necessary And Allison goes and sits on the edge of the bed Careful don't let her cross her legs Yeah I know I was just imagining her sitting on the edge of the bed I was like pretty hot Yeah Thing just flings a sheet over her Yeah I'm Tuck is like you know what this is pretty distracting can we get you to sit on the edge of the bed?

Yeah I'm Tuck is like you know what this is pretty distracting can we get you to sit on the edge of the bed? Can we get you to sit on the edge of the bed?

I could wear a robe I suppose Yeah let's put you in a robe Okay she comes out the robes are pretty short Oh my God She's like this is the only size they had left Oh my God Okay let's get you a second robe And she ties it around her waist Yeah Okay Billie ties a robe around her waist Is this really necessary Yes It is I could always stay somewhere else I thought we were just talking Yeah we are talking but it's really hard to focus Hold on Hold on Hold on I'm going to discern realities for one of those connector bedrooms.

Oh, you don't have to discern realities for that. Okay. So it's like there's just doors, right? Okay, I start opening all the doors. There is a locked door. There's your room, but then there's a door on the other wall that is locked. A knock on the door. No answer. Okay, I unlock it. So that's Tricks of the Trade, 2D6 plus dexterity. Whoa. 12? Damn. Billy fucking works this lock. I take that needle out. I give it a lick. And here we go. Tingling into the lock.

This is literally what Billy's saying. Yeah. Tingling, lingling into the lock. Here we go. It's been a while since I did this clickety clack. And like surprisingly fast. It's like, just he opens the lock. Wow, it's really nice in here. Yeah, it's like an additional penthouse suite. So it's just like a bigger. It's bigger than the room. That you guys are in. It kind of makes our room look like a piece of shit. Yeah, it does. Actually, it looks kind of dusty.

Like maybe it's been like the curtains are closed and there's like a sheet, another sheet over the bed. Like maybe it's been closed for a while. Allison, this is your room now. And you're going to have a lot of time to make a new outfit that covers your body. A big room all for me. Look at this comfortable bed. And she like does that thing where she puts her hands, like slides her hands back and leans back on the bed. Whoa. Easy, big fella.

You were being in Tacoma, like watching it wide-eyed and Billy just slams the door shut. Stop. They both like lean over. I can lock it if it's easier. I think it locks from the other side. Oh, yeah. Allison, you might want to lock it. Give me that needle. No, I put it back in my hair. You'll never find it. Perel is like disappointed. It's like, ugh. What? What? She's so hot. Such base desire. So disappointing from the two of you. Tacoma, frankly, I would expect this of. But you, Ving?

She is walking in between many worlds. I know what that's like. What does that mean? What the fuck is wrong with you? It's an excuse. So why did you agree to help, of all things, a succubus? First, we have a history. Yes, Allison, I've heard the song. Yeah. And second. She says that the light guard. Do you know what the light guard is? I've heard of them. She says that they're responsible for the extended coronet.

And it's actually drawing a lot of creatures of the outer dark to Crystal Bay and keeping them here. The light guard. So that they apparently want to slaughter them. The light guard is responsible for a celestial event. Yeah. How, pray tell, would they achieve that? By guarding the light? I don't fucking know. What do you mean? Yeah. Don't you know everything? Like, as if we fucking know. God. Well, I know that a wizard could possibly stop a celestial body's orbit. Maybe not me, but a wizard.

A real wizard. Hmm. Okay. Maybe any other wizards in the room care to raise their hands? I raise my hand. Oh, really? Put your hand down. You're an apprentice at best. You wish. Anyways. Anyways. I would be very, very surprised if the light guard were responsible for the ceasing of the coronet's orbit. And the ceasing of the sunset. How long did she… Do we have any idea how long it's been like this? It's like… It said weeks. Yeah. 16 days? Weeks. 17 days? Well, that's unusual. Mm-hmm.

So maybe she's not lying. Like, maybe she's telling the truth and there is a problem here. Maybe. There's definitely something going on. Oh, well, you don't say. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Why does Venus cease to rise or fall? Why are you so grumpy at us? I'm just agitated. I'm sorry. We were having a nice night. You bring a succubus into our hotel room. She's in her own room. She's not making any sounds.

But we do hear, like, moaning. I don't even want to know what that is. Oh, my God. Wait. What's that? A vibration sound? Oh, it's a vibrator. It's like, you know what? Maybe I should go just check. No. No. No.

That she's okay no no tuck don't I'll check don't worry about it I get in the way and I'm like leave her be she's had a long day and you guys are being really weird and put some pants on or something because I've been looking at that thing all day I took it back up into my waistband oh my god yeah tacoma don't make me turn that door to stone or some such say to bring two is that just me bing same goes for you yes you're gonna turn the door into a frog I got you so she needs help she needs to get out of crystal bay and she can't just leave she said that like something about the coronet keeps drawing her back well that is fascinating hey you guys the pirates waking up what's going on where am I now hey what slap him oh this is a warning if you apologize to the pirates you will be punished for what you did to the pirates open your mouth and you scream I'll do it again and this time it will hurt a lot more I'm not gonna listen to some stupid little kid hey slap stop slapping me shut up just shut your lips are you trying to threaten him yeah so you gotta roll something for that charisma I guess 2d6 plus charisma to buy danger whoa uh two three so he starts yelling what he's like somebody get me out of here kid kidnap me I've been poisoned over and over again somebody do something and he starts running to the door what do you guys do what do you mean running he's tied up yeah oh right he gets up and he forgets and he falls right on the ground but he's like they've tied me up a sock yeah uh grab a towel off the floor I think mirrors used it earlier oh no it's crunchy I put it in his mouth oh my god is that too gross no that's pretty funny pretty funny and he's been quieted for now but at the door you hear yes hello it's rebecca concierge we're good we heard screaming yeah you would have we heard somebody screaming for help um yeah hold hold on and then uh I I think we should do a thing where we bring allison back into the room and we get allison to open the door oh yeah okay yeah all right so you open the door to allison's room yeah yeah and we're like you need to fucking deal with this why don't you come in here I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry that was accident where was she pointing I'm just it's been you pointed into her vagina oh my god sorry it's just been I'm I'm just riding high I'm so sorry okay what's up what's up uh the concierge is at the door he heard a bunch of screaming we need you to pretend it was sex screaming okay can do let's see oh let me just one second and she takes a few seconds to go back up and go Okay, can do.

Let's see. Oh, let me just one second. And she takes the robe off. Okay. She's wearing the dress underneath. Okay. She's wearing the dress underneath. We see her go to take the robe off and we… Are like… And she's wearing the red dress underneath. Okay. Just give me one moment. Okay, everybody, get out of view. Come on. Okay. And Bing and I get into the closet together. And she opens the door and you can't… Like, Billy, are you out there? Like, are you watching? I'm hiding behind the door.

Okay, yeah. So nobody… Immediately behind it, like with a knife. Yeah. I'm gonna fucking kill this guy. She's… Billy's on his break too. I have the dude wrapped up still, like, hand on his mouth. Well, Billy's like as big as his head. Yeah, exactly. So I'm wrapped around his head, knife in his face, and I'm like giving him the eye, threatening eye. So Allison opens the door and you hear Rebecca go, Oh, hello. Hi there. I'm so sorry for the noise. He's like, it's… It's not quite all right.

It's just a little startling. I assure you, no one in here is having any worse of a time than they agreed to have when they entered. He's like, very, very, very, very well. And Bing and I are whispering to each other in our closet. Yeah, you can barely hear what's going on. It's like muffled. Yeah, we're having a conversation where it's just like, she's so hot, I think I'm gonna have a fucking aneurysm. I just, I don't know. Why? But I can't stop thinking about her.

It feels like I've been bit by a porn scorpion. It's like her vagina's a black hole and I, my penis is light and I've already crossed the event horizon. Wait, so you've already had sex with her? No, but I'm heading there quick. And there's nothing I can do to turn back. And it's really long and stretched out. I know, it feels like it's inevitable. I don't understand. We cut back.

She's like, so I hope that you can understand that we might be here for a little bit longer and I hope we don't have any. And there's a pause and you hear Rebecca go, any undue intrusions? He's like, no, of course not. Of course not, my dad. Of course not. The doors are rattling. And then we'll cut to whatever you guys are doing. It feels like I'm going crazy. I'm barely, I'm barely holding it together. This is your fault. I know.

I feel like maybe I just agreed to help her because I wanted to fuck her again. No, no, no. Okay, there's a bigger story here. There's a bigger story here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you hear, he's gone. Okay. You can come out now. We're going to need like five minutes. A little memento, por favor. And Allison takes the do not disturb sign off and puts it back on the handle outside. Well, that should be taken care of. All right. Hey, butt pirate. We're going to go sit over here.

I just like lean him against a plant. Yeah, he's not comfortable. Good. I'm like, you're going to scream? You're going to say stuff? Well, who else wants to talk to this guy? He doesn't like me very much. You guys? Yeah, we come out of the closet and we're both wearing like just really thick pants. Jesus. We have alchemy books over our crotches. Wonderful. Oh my God, you guys.

And we also made a deal with one another that if it looked like one of us were getting too into Allison, we would stab each other. Whoa. All right. Gentle. Yeah, gently. Gentle stab. Yeah. Cool. Yeah. All right. Cool. So should I go back to my room now? Actually, you might be able to help us interrogate this guy. Oh. Oh, I've never interrogated anyone before. You should suck your best powers for getting more than sex out. Yeah. Can you suck information out of him instead of the jizz?

That you usually. Like you would know. Hey, I'm getting there eventually. Okay. Whatever you say, big guy. Big high fives him. Yeah. And. Bing stabs me. And I'm like, ah, thanks. Just a gentle. Just in out. Just a crystal. Thank you. Thank you. Boop. Could you move him onto the bed, please? Done. She takes the towel out of his mouth and he's like, ah. And she puts a hand right on his cheek and his eyes just like glass over. He's like, oh, hey, pretty lady. What are you doing?

What questions are you hoping to get out of this dude? What we're trying to do is we're trying to get a meeting with the head of the butt pirate clan. The Crystal Bay Pirates. Yeah. Yeah. The Crystal Bay Pirates. Yeah. And try and make a deal to like get Allison out of town. Mm hmm. I want to know if you've heard anything about the light guard. It's like, what are you talking about? I don't know anything about that. I'm a strong arm. I beat people up. I collect protection money.

What else do you do? Occasionally I get tea for people. Who do you give your money to? Well, we give our money to the boss. Who's the boss? What's a good name for a mob boss? The first name that I was like, what's a crystal name? The first name that came to my head was Ruby Tuesday. Ruby Tuesday. Yeah. That's perfect. Are we allowed to? Yeah. I mean, sure. I guess. I think Ruby Tuesday is pretty funny. Yeah. And we're only going to refer to her as Ruby.

We've already got a character named Sweet Caroline. That's a music reference. Yeah. Ruby Tunes Day. Ruby Tunes Day. Like a tune bug. Yeah. We give our money to the boss. Ruby Tunes Day. What else do you want to know? Where Ruby is. Oh. Where Ruby is. I really shouldn't be telling you any of that. Where Ruby is. Okay. Ruby is in the caves to the west of town. You go down the beach like half a mile. There's a cave opening near a big crystal pillar that's coming out of the water. And it's in there.

That is where we do our stuff. Do you guys accept visitors? No. We're a gang. Why would we accept visitors into our lair? Because it's for your benefit. Yeah. My benefit? What does that mean? Here's what we're thinking. We're going to let you go. Oh. Hey. You're going to go back to your lair and tell Ruby that we're coming. And we have a proposition for her. Okay. Yeah. Sure. What's in it for her? 333 gold. 329 gold. What did you spend the last? Bing's eating a hoagie. Okay.

Let's just say 300 gold. Okay. Because we might need some walking around money. We say that out loud to each other. 300 gold. 300 gold. Yeah. 300 gold. Maybe. Let's go back and say like 200 gold. No. You already said 300 gold. Okay. That's a proposition that I think she could agree with. Well, how about this? 200 gold. Yeah. How about 200 gold and we'll give you two gold? No. Hold. Now, you said 300 gold and now you're trying to talk me down. Yeah. But you get a cut of it. Absolutely not. Okay.

200 gold, but you get 50. You're going backwards. I know, but you get 50. Oh, yeah. I'm going to take a cut of a bribe to my boss. You take more than a cut, you son of a bitch. Well, he's holding like his claws in front of his face. How about 200 gold and you get the rest of the hoagie that is not totally. Bing shoots Tucker and look like, this thing's fucking delicious. It's shrimp po' boy. I mean, he's down for 300 gold. But now you're trying to convince him for something else. I know.

I think we just fucked up. 300 gold and I will take your message to Ruby. Okay, you guys. Is it worth it? 300 gold to keep like a bunch of innocent people from dying. Fine. Yeah. Okay. 300 gold. Tell her that there's 300 gold in it for we meet. That's a hefty price. That's a lot. Yeah. I know. That's like that. That is, I will say, as Sean O'Hara, like an un. I don't know. I don't know. That's a real amount of money. I don't usually do the negotiations. Billy usually does. Yeah. True.

I fucked up. Okay. How much money do we have? All of it. We'll give you all. Yeah. That's a ton of fucking cash. I have an idea, but I don't say it. I just look with my eyes at you guys, at the rest of the guys. Okay. So he's like, are you going to give me the whole 300 right now? No, we're not going to give you fucking any right now. Okay. Go tell her that we want to meet with her. Deal's 300. Okay. Alright, you let me go. I'll do that. Okay. Okay. And we cut him loose. Bye-bye.

And he like moonwalks out of the room. Yeah, but he has an erection too. Yeah, he kind of does. He's hiding it, but he moonwalks out of the room. That's why he moonwalks is he's trying to hide his erection. So he doesn't turn to the side so you don't see it. You don't see the profile. Well, I don't see it because it's so small. And he glares at Billy as he moonwalks out of the room. Are you just waiting now? What's Billy's plan? I didn't really have one.

I just thought that if we meet her and then we just don't give her money. Oh, yeah. We could maybe just try and fuck her over. Yeah, I think that's a good plan. Yeah. Perel is there, I guess. And he's like, well, why don't we just follow him now? Oh, yeah. Good idea. Cool. You guys, that wasn't part of your plan? No. Yes. No. Yeah. Yeah, totally. That's what we were thinking. So you just offered him an unbelievable amount of money earnestly? Yes. Holy shit. Allison, go wait in the other room.

If I must. I will say, I'm getting a little peckish. Oh, Rebecca. Ding, ding, ding. Ring the bell for the concierge. Okay. And the concierge shows up. Yes? Would you mind freshening our towels in the other room, please? And he's like, oh, yes, of course. You need more towels? Yeah, in the bathroom there. Okay, great. Yeah, just a second. And he goes in and grabs a couple towels. And we close the door behind him. And who comes out of the shower? Allison? Yeah. What's going on here?

I thought she said she was hungry. Yeah, so we put her in there. Oh, my God. We're feeding her. All right. But we're like, you can only eat enough to make him sad for like a couple days. Yeah, just a snack. A few inches. Okay. I'll catch up with you all later. Okay. What? Oh, I'm gonna, you know, I'm gonna see if he's gonna take me to dinner. And then we'll see how it goes. No, just fuck him now. Just do it fast. Just do it fast.

I'm not, it's not a switch that can, not everybody just has a switch that you flip that instantly makes you ready for sex. Tacoma. I'm getting tired of this. Billy notes this. Taps his forehead. Memorize it. You go. I'll deal with this and I'll meet you later. Gross. All right. Let's go, guys. Okay, yeah, let's go. We're leaving Mears and Perel there? Or are they coming? Oh, no. Mears is like, Mears bursts out of the other room and is like, I'm coming. Okay. And Perel comes with you guys.

I need you. Yeah. Yeah. Perel's like, oh, yeah, no, I'm not staying here. Are you kidding me? I know Tuck needs to rest to, like, reboot. Is there, like, some kind of potion I can Don't I have a healing? You do. Let me just real quick look at that. Do you have any poultice? Yeah, I have poultice. But that's not gonna boost you back all the way up. Yeah. It'll get me close enough. Give me, give me. But I'm not close to death. Just a sec.

There's an actual move for this that we haven't really used. So, as you're, like, leaving the hotel, like, fuck, I'm so fucked up. Yeah. I need to rest or something like that. You hear somebody going like, step up, step up, the newest libation from the Firefield's principality. Heals broken bones, knits nasty wounds. Step up, step up, try it. How much?

You go up to the stand and there's a guy in, like, a top hat, like, a bow tie, and he's yelling at people, and he's at a little stand, and it says, uh, Winewood healing libations, and elixirs. Oh, Winewood from the lake. I go to the guy, I'm like, did you get this from Pinewood? We certainly did, the famous Wine Lake of Winewood. Now it's a, an incredible libation, a miracle elixir. Okay, well, yeah, uh, how much for one? One, one, what, glass? Bottle? A bottle. Let's take a bottle. A bottle?

Twenty coins. Twenty coins. I'll give you ten. Twenty coins, sir. This is not a negotiation game. You could not negotiate with miracles. And he twirls his mustache, and he wiggles his fingers in front of your face when he says, miracles. Well, I was gonna just steal it while he's busy, like, negotiating. Yeah, try and steal it. Okay. Twenty's a lot, but the rest were gold. It is. And also, we fucking made it. Yeah. So I'm, I'm talking to the guy, I'm like, twenty coins seems like a lot.

And Billy's doing, what, tricks of the trade, I guess? Yeah, with dexterity. Yeah, two to six plus dexterity. Yeah, I get ten. Shit. Okay, so you've, there's just, like, like, are you, so… I, there's, like, he's, the tent is, like, a table and, you know, a good old craft market kind of set up, and I just slip under the tablecloth, and there's boxes and crates under it, so I grab two. Okay. I've clocked that Billy stole a bunch of them. Yeah, you see Billy coming out from under the tablecloth.

Sir, this is, uh, this is nothing short of pure magic. Do you have a sample? It is a, oh, yes, certainly. And he hands you, like, a little tiny cup. To talk. Oh, yeah, I take it. You heal one experience point. Okay. And you feel, like, a tingle run through your body. And it tastes like lake water. It tastes bad. Well, this tastes like shit. I don't want it. Do you not feel the magic coursing through your very veins? No, this tastes like shit. I don't care. Fuck you. Oh, well, sir, you will…

I grab another sample I drank. Sir! And I'm like, fuck you. You heal another experience point. And then you hear him continue his bark as you leave. Step up, step up. There you go, man. Thank you. You're welcome. And I clink. I clink with Billy. Clink. And I drink it. I drink a little bit to fill her up and I pass it to Ving. Yeah, I take a shot. Let's all fill up. I drink a bottle. Okay, so that's probably… I'm gonna say each bottle of wine wood is, like… Twenty.

It's kind of two healing potions. It's, like, two doses of healing. Yeah, because one heals ten damage. Oh, cool. Oh. Yeah, so, but you have to drink a whole bottle of wine to heal twenty points, which is a huge amount. Yeah, that's fine. Yeah. So all of… I'm back to full HP. Okay, yeah. That's exactly the amount that I need. Five? Yeah, let's do five. So you guys basically share a dose, so you have one dose left. I'll put the half bottle of wine back in my bag. Nice.

Billy, you're feeling a little buzzed. Yeah. Ving, you're feeling a little buzzed. Tuck, you're feeling pretty drunk. What? You drank a whole bottle of wine. It's still wine. Oh, I don't get drunk that easy, though. Alright, roll me a 2d6 plus constitution. My constitution's plus three now. Let's see what happens. Seven, eight, nine, ten. Okay. You don't get drunk. Yeah. Like, this shit sucks. Fuck you. And I throw it at the side of a building. I throw the empty bottle at the side of a building.

People scatter as it smashes against the building. It's kind of a drunk move. Yeah. He doesn't feel drunk, but he is drunk. So we're charged up and ready to fight, potentially. Yeah. And you realize that this pirate has walked away. Oh. Well, he told us where to go. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. He did. He did spill the beans. To the beans! Yeah, let's go to the beans. So you head through town, through the market.

You see the DeSom Creek Theater Society are putting on a show and people are really just loving it. They're eating it up. Oh, man. I really want to see that one. Can we hear a little bit of what's going on? Yeah. Okay. Fuck. I don't even know why I set this up if I didn't think you were going to ask me about it. Okay, so what's happening? Maybe this is the one where DeSom's dad dies. Okay, yeah. He gets killed by ice cream. By ice cream? You don't remember that episode of Dawson's Creek?

Never saw it. No. Oh, it was really funny. Phil Lord and Chris Miller said it was the inspiration for the Ponce de Leon episode of Clone High. That's incredible. So, yeah, so there's like a pretty, like, handsome young blonde man standing on the stage and he's, um, you hear he's throwing, like, little rocks onto the stage and you hear him going, sploosh, sploosh, and you understand he's supposed to be throwing rocks into a creek. He's making the sploosh noises.

Yeah, the guy's going, sploosh, sploosh. And you can hear the rocks just going, sploosh. And there's people near the side of the stage that are, like, moving out of the way. But somebody's, like, picking up the rocks, like, yeah. And he's like, man, I just can't handle my dad anymore. And, uh, another guy with, like, brown hair comes up and he's like, what's up, DeSom? You look… Look down. He's like, it's my dad, Percival.

He's come back into my life and now he wants me to be the perfect son and I don't think that I can be. He's like, you don't have to be the perfect son. Uh, and he puts his hand on his shoulder and he's like, you just have to be the son that you want to be inside of you, DeSom. And the audience goes, aww. And they're clearly stretching it out because someone has missed their cue.

Yeah, you can see somebody on the side of the stage, you can see Jaunter on the side of the stage going, doing that stretch it out motion where it looks like he's pulling taffy. He's like, stretch it out, stretch it out. So they're like, DeSom, wow, the creek is so beautiful at night because now instead of having a script, they have to improvise. And DeSom's like, sploosh. Yes. No, they both do it. Percival goes, yes, and DeSom goes, sploosh.

But they're interrupting each other and they're like, uh, um, uh, yeah. And then it's like they keep throwing rocks and it's like a minute of sploosh. Sploosh. And then they run out of rocks. Just mime it. Just mime it. Sploosh. And they're like, okay, he skips one. And they sploosh, sploosh, sploosh, sploosh, sploosh. And then he's like, okay, you're good. And they go off stage. They go like, they bow and they sidle off the stage and everybody claps.

And then an older middle-aged man wearing like the bottom half of a horse costume like trots across the stage and he's got a big like a skewer of meat in his hands and he's riding and he's like, I love my son so much. I'm so proud of him. I was wrong. And then he drops the meat skewer and he goes, whoops. Well, I better stop and get that. And then he reaches down with the horse costume on. And then dragon. Yeah. Someone in a dragon costume flies by. And throws a bunch of red tissues at him.

And he goes, and the audience is like, no. Oh, and you guys have walked by at this point. Yeah. Yeah. It does. People are wrapped. Yeah. Billy's in tears, but he's wiping them away. That was so emotional. Have you seen any episodes of DeSom's Creek? No, I haven't. And you make your way through the square and through some like bungalows and single family homes and stuff to the beach. And you see in the distance a figure walking down the beach alone. It's him. It's the butt pirate.

Let's follow him. And it's really easy because he's leaving footprints that he's doing nothing about. Sometimes there are two sets of footprints, but that's when Jesus carried him. You follow him for a while and you do see his little far off figure of him dip into the caves. That's the caves. Let's go in. You're just going in the caves? Yeah, wait, wait. You can see that there are two other people standing just inside the mouth of the cave. Can we try and stealth kill?

Or not kill, but like incapacitate? Yeah. Billy's good at Billy has moves about like stealth and about like surprising people. I could try disguise. Yep. You could. As what? One of them. Okay. Yeah. Could you disguise yourself as like a Crystal Bay pirate? Yeah. I'm a new recruit. Yeah. What is the outfit look like? Okay. I grabbed the blanket. What am I wearing? What if it's not an outfit? Like you just take your shirt off and you draw the tattoo on your chest. Yeah, that's what I do. Nice.

Yep. That's good. I still have those like charcoals in my backpack. So I draw my best drawing on my chest and I wear my I kind of flip my shirt around so it looks like like Aladdin vest. Okay. Okay, guys. Wish me luck. And I bye. And we're gonna sneak up on the sides to like be like yeah, totally. Okay. And you Billy you walk up to the mouth of the cave and you see two people step out. They both have the tattoo on like their forearms like the purple skull and they have a little lantern.

And they have their hands on their weapons and like who's that? Oh, it's just me Billy. Who's Billy? I'm the new one. I don't know any Billy. That's because I'm new. Duh. How's it going? It's going all right. Yeah. Now it's a little tense. Well, it's just because you guys got weird about it. And then at that point in time, Ving and I run up and then just do the older brother bully move where we push them both into the ground. And then as they try and get up, we like fucking smack their face.

His face is so hard. You gotta roll for this. Just like from off screen, you just hear like and then just like Okay. Give me like a defy danger dexterity to sneak up on them first. Nine. I got eight. Okay. Partial successes. They look right before we get there. Yeah. They look right at you and they go and they start pulling their weapons out and you just push them right down onto the ground. And yeah, that's the that's the seven to nine is they're not knocked out. They both try and get back up.

So yeah, we just try and smack them in the face as hard as we can while they're on the ground. Just like a one. And I step on his sword and push it into the sand. So hack and slash from both of you to six plus strength. Eleven. Jesus Christ. Nine. Jesus fucking Christ. Okay. Roll your damage. I assume you're not trying to kill them. No, I'm just trying to knock them out with a really hard smack. One. Four. Tuck knocks his right out. That makes sense.

But he does get stabbed in the foot and Vings is still awake but hurt and is struggling and trying to get up and draw their sword. Yeah. I push him into the ground again. Okay. And I'm like, fucking get up, bitch. Okay. Are you trying to knock them out? No, I'm just trying to demoralize them so that Ving can swoop in and knock them out. Okay. Yeah. What's Ving doing? Swooping in and swinging hard. All right. Eight. Okay. Yeah. So roll your damage again. Six. Yeah. There you go.

That second one with Tuck harassing them at the same time. Broke his jaw. Yeah. And they're both out cold on the ground. Nice job, you guys. Yeah. I take their vests. Great work, Billy. So brave. Thank you. High five. High five. Clink. Clink. Well, you guys have their vests. Yeah. Anything else you guys want to take? I'm going to call this guy's clothes. Yeah. Nothing fits. Not even in the slightest. Just like at the clear water that one time. Yeah, totally.

I bury them in sand up to their heads. Oh, my God. And then we make sculpt a mermaid over top of them. Yeah, I put boobs on some part. On some part. So it looks like it's just a couple of tourists that passed out. Yeah. Wonderful. Okay, let's head in. Yeah. Take their lanterns. Yeah. Now would be trap expert. All right. Yeah. It gets dark as we go in. I look around nine nine. Okay, so you hold one. All right. Can we help? No. Yeah, you can help with. Yeah, you got a nine, right? So you can aid.

Yeah. Yeah. So one of you roll 2d6 plus bond 10. Perfect. That's a 10. Billy gets three. So what do you guys do to aid? Can we get Perel to light up the place? Oh, yeah. Perel. Oh, yeah. Perel and mirrors are both there. They've wandered up, but they're like, we'll we'll keep watch. Okay, we'll stay out here. Okay. And here's like, yeah, be be safe. Yeah. What do you how are you guys helping Billy? How how can we make light? Well, you guys have the lantern. So just bring them closer.

I reflect the lantern put it right around my crystal. Do the crystals glow? Yeah, I think they refract. They reflect on the axe close to so we hold. Oh, yeah. Sick. Is there a trap here? And if so, what activates it? There is a trap here and it is activated by a trip wire just inside the cave where it gets dark. There's a there's a trip wire. Okay. Hold on you guys. Let me figure this out. Okay. What does the trap do when I activate it?

You see up above there's a bunch of like cans on a string and you see that it would drop all those cans and they'd make a crazy clattering noise. And then what else is hidden here? In the cave wall, there's a little stash of what looks like a tiny bag of herbs. There's a little bottle of liquid. There's like a there's like a paperback book. It looks like a little stash for like whoever's keeping watch out here. Oh, look there's a what's that book you? Guys really like love and lust.

Yeah, this is I recognize the drawing on the front. It's a similar book. It's two shirtless nights like that. You know, they have the arm armor, but no like chest armor and like little helmets. It's called like a lust unbound. Oh, wow. That's the sequel. Oh, yeah, the sequel. Yeah, same author. Throw it down to you guys. Thanks. I chuck the bags of herbs to Vang. Yeah, just throw the book outside the mirrors. Yeah, and mirrors is like Oh, Oh, There's nothing else.

There's like a little bottle with some liquid in it. Okay. It's booze like it's booze and I'll take that. Yeah. Okay. I throw that to okay. Stand back you guys and I just bend down. I cut the wire. Oh, and the cans all clang down and they they hit like this rock Ledge and they start sliding backwards down the cave tunnel and they just go like clang clang clang clang just look really cool. You guys be cool about this. Yeah, we do a pose. Yeah.

Yeah, you hear a couple noises and then surprising Quickly, the mouth of the cave is just full of thugs. Can Naving do an intimidation thing? Yeah, for sure. Where he elementary masters a big stalactite down and it meets his crystal hand and then he breaks it off like a club. Sick. That's so tight. 11. You have to choose between the effect you desire comes to pass. You avoid paying nature's price or you retain control. You get to choose two of those. I'll pay nature's price. Okay. Yeah.

Same thing. A stalactite comes down from the ceiling. Yeah. You grab it and snap it off like a club and you feel the crystals just creep a little bit further up your arm. Close to my elbow. Yeah. But now you've got this like jagged rock club. Oh, shit. And they're like, what are you doing here? We're here to see Ruby. And you hear some murmuring and they look behind them and they part.

And a young woman with the dark skin of McCall is there and she's got a blade, like a long sword with a big ruby on the end of it on her hip. And she's holding and she says, Well, you found her. And I think that's where we're going to end it this week. Cool. My name is Sean O'Hara. I've been your game master. With me as always playing Fat Billy the Halfling Thief, Jessica Tai. Good night, everyone. Playing Tacoma Dome, the Barbarian, Abdul Aziz. So long.

Playing Ving, the Half-Elf Druid, Paul Oppers. Bye-bye. Thanks to Aaron Reed for the intro and outro music. Thanks to Wes for all the technical work. Thanks to Abdul for the editing. Thanks to our Patreon supporters and listeners around the world. And thanks to Adam Coble and Sage LaTorah for inventing Dungeon Wars. A game that you can find a lot of places. Thank you so much for listening, everybody. We'll see you next time.

And so ends the tale of Adventures 3 Who tried the best they can Though dumb and scared and lost they be For time's abreast in revelry And though our journey may be like a conclusion We'll find the way back home We'll find the way back home We'll find the way back home We'll find the way back home We will not leave you without a resolution Return next week to hear some more Whilst you commute or do your chores And for you I'd gladly spell war

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape, and wields a spear with great might Billy's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends, and listen close For the tale's about to start Welcome to Spout Lore everybody, my name is Sean O'Hara I'm your game master, and with me as always playing Tacoma Dome, the Barbarian Abdulaziz Hello Playing Ving, the half-elf druid, Paul Oppers Good morning, let's do this!

Playing Fat Billy, the halfling thief, Jessica Tai Hello everyone!

And here we are today, I didn't plan ahead enough in my head to what I was gonna say When last we left our heroes, they had partnered up with the succubus Allison After finding out that she had been somehow trapped within the resort town of Crystal Lake Due to the machinations of McCall's Church of the Flame and the controversial Light Guard The Light Guard, a group of holy warriors that banish demons to a realm that we have deemed the Outer Dark Which we have somewhat discussed, but still aren't 100% sure what it is And to help them in that quest, the group has found themselves…

In conference with the Crystal Bay Pirates, a gang of ne'er-do-wells which make this resort town their home-slash-layer You guys had approached the lair of the Crystal Bay Pirates Billy had deliberately cut the alarm wire And you have been surrounded by the pirates And this little curly-haired person comes out Little curly-haired person? Didn't Ruby do that to you, Tacoma?

I think she was tall, lean, she had dark skin and dark hair Oh, weird And she had a sword with a big ruby on the end of it Yeah Were you thinking of Shirley Temple?

Temple, I was Yeah We were in Shirley's Temple That's in a different town The Temple of Shu-lee And I think maybe we'll jump ahead a little bit Where we find ourselves now is you've been brought down deeper into the cave complex of the Crystal Bay Pirates And you have been brought to this surprisingly well-appointed cavern Tuck, you see a lot of stuff you actually recognize from back in McCall There's like a really nice woven rug There's a nice plush chair There's lamps and candles and all that sort of stuff Creating this really nice sitting room And we're talking to each other as we're going down And we're like, whoa There's a lot of like, nice little like touches in here Yeah I mean the layout is, I mean there's a lot of rooms with not a lot of room, you know?

I feel like they could feng shui this place but like, you know, maybe a couple hanging plants here and there Yeah I feel like they have like a lot of carpets here And it's like one carpet brings a room together But it's like, they're kind of just trying to cover the whole floor it feels like And you feel, Tuck, you feel a sharp point in your back One of the Crystal Bay Pirates kind of pokes you in the back with like a sharp stick that he carries And he's like, hey, stop talking Sorry, we're just admiring the interior design Yeah, it sounds like you're criticizing it and I put a lot of time into this Oh, is this, you, you, is this, you did this?

Uh, yeah, I did this You're a pirate and a designer? Yeah Just because we're criminals doesn't mean we're animals We like creature comforts, I've spent a lot of time trying to make this a home so if you could just quiet down It's surprisingly cozy It's not bad, I think you have a lot of promise You guys, you're just, you're all just saying that now because I got upset How do you get these plants to stay alive down here?

Oh, that's actually pretty interesting, what you got to do is you got to grind up some of the crystal that you find in the water And you, hey, no, no, no talking! No talking! Ugh I just want to explain what I see in my mind when we're in this place, I see my parents' house Oh really?

Middle Eastern people traditionally have fucking garbage sense of style It's just, like what I described was accurate to my parents' house where it was just like oriental rugs everywhere And then just like a mishmash of gaudy looking shit that they saw at Pottery Barn And stuff that they thought was like elegant Okay, well then that's actually something that we can kind of There's like so many vases, those hanging plates that have cranes on them Yes Yeah There's like a vase with a kind of a tableau on it Statues of cats everywhere Oh god, yeah See, we talked about this a little bit earlier, my dad had a similar sense of style because he was a sailor for like almost 40 years Right And his sense of style was just, what did I get?

What did I get when I went places?

So it's just huge vase, a weird box with like a scene in it, a wooden cowboy boot An elephant planter Yeah, like an elephant with the box on its back, you know like this You could get that at the mall That's what I thought, but he'd go to Vietnam and bring back a huge ceramic elephant like, look They have malls in Vietnam So maybe that is actually pretty indicative of the style of the Crystal Bay Pirates There's a lot of things that you recognize from the principalities Tuck, there's stuff that you recognize from McCall Ving, maybe there's some things that you recognize There's a cave bear rug Woah In front of the Cave bears, like are cave bears From the far north Oh So yeah, there's a lot of mishma, and there's stuff that you don't recognize from anywhere What are cave bears?

Yeah, are they like earth cave bears? Yeah, well they're like that But their colors are opposite What does that mean? Like brown on their chest and they're mostly white and creamish. They're like a piddly bear. Have you seen a piddly bear? Yeah, I've seen piddly bears. Yeah, they're like that. But cave. They live in caves. So sick. Yeah. They're very smart. That's why it's like a highly, a highly prized kill because they can have smart hunters usually. Oh, cave bears in this world. Yeah.

Do you know what a cave bear is? No. They're like an extinct kind of bear that was like 12 feet tall on its hind legs or some insane thing like that. Whoa. And early humans competed with them for like caves. Wow. Yeah. So we wiped them out because we needed to sleep in the same caves as them. An entire room is just one cave bear pelt. Yeah. Oh, cool. Yeah. So you get the idea that like for as foolish as they seemed in the beached whale, these are genuine sailors. They're pirates.

They travel the world. And yeah, so you've got Ruby and she's sitting in this big plush chair sort of running her finger along the ruby on the pommel of her sword. Yeah. And she's got her legs kicked up over one side. She's reclining in a very like you are in my presence sort of vibe. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Pirate spleen. Yeah. Classic. And she picks up a jeweled chalice and she drinks deeply from it. She says, what has brought you into the presence of Ruby, captain of the Crystal Bay Pirates?

Please don't interrupt me. Sorry. I like to set a tone off the top and that tone is that I am a well-respected traveler and fearsome pirate queen. We respect you. Hi, Ruby Tuesday. Any relation to the bug? I actually have spent some time in the great forests of the northern continent. I came to find peace and enlightenment within the tune groves of the north. I call from the great forests and bring some of the tranquility of your beloved land with us to help in our meeting here today. Billy?

Yes. Such tranquilities as I just look at Tuck. And I I just I turn around and I just whisper and I'm like, so we're offering her just quietness. Is that what's happening? She takes another deep sip from the goblet and is like, I understand that you have made up your mind. But I have a proposition to my crew member here. One that will be of great material benefit to the Crystal Bay Pirates. Yeah. Yeah, we need you guys to smuggle someone out of Crystal Bay for us.

A paltry task in return for the sum of 300 gold pieces. Uh, 300? Did we say 300? 300. Billy, did we say 300? No, we definitely said, uh, 30. Yeah, that's crazy. That's like as much as a, you know, as much as a chain mail suit of armor. Yeah. It felt like your guy wasn't really listening to us. You guys are lying. So you're going to need to make a roll to convince her. Yep. So somebody's going to have to do it. One of you can aid the person rolling. Who has the, what is it? You started it.

Okay, I'll do it. So I guess it's Tuck. So it's 2d6 plus charisma. This is going to be a defy danger. Okay. Seven, eight, nine. Wow. Someone want to aid? Yeah, I'll aid. So what's Ving doing to aid? Uh, yeah, he's pointing at like, what a piece of shit pirate he is. Like, you don't believe a pirate? Yeah. Well, I will say that that's not going to be a great tack with a pirate. We were all, there was this crazy stuff. You weren't there. It was crazy stuff happening. $300.

Give us a break for helping to smuggle one person. Yeah. What kind of stupid idiots do you take us for? Yeah. You think we'd offer $300 to get one person out of town? That's insane. Look at my, I'm out of clothing. You think we have that kind of money? Okay. Look, Billy is covered in shit. Yeah. We can't afford even bath water, even when it's free. Okay. 2D6 plus bond with Tacoma. Oh, boy. Wow. 10 plus 2. Yeah. Yeah. You nailed it. Great. So 10 and, um. Who has $300? She takes a deep sip.

Some of us do. Oh, you have 300 gold coin? Well, we offer a service. We're smuggling people out of town for a mere 300 gold coin. What do you think of that? It seems to be the rate that you expect. Yeah. She goes, ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Ving leans over and goes, fucking sweet switcheroo. Oh, my God. We appreciate wit here. Wit is the only comfort many have upon the harsh waves of the sea of graves. Takes a deep sip and she looks over at the Crystal Bay pirate. Yeah.

What is that lying piece of shit's name? And he looks at her. He's like, you guys didn't even ask for my name. You interrogated me and everything. You didn't even ask for my name. Now you're throwing me under the bus. She's like, I'm very disappointed in you, Milton. Take him away. Wait, what are you going to do to him? Oh, we do not take kindly to liars within the Crystal Bay pirates. Oh, I mean, Milton wasn't mean. He was just stupid. He's just stupid. No, no.

Pirates have a type of code, a system. A system of honor. You must be honest within your crew. And he has broken that most sacred vow. One of our many sacred vows. All more sacred than the last, but each more sacred than the first, than the… Yes. She takes a deep sip. What are you drinking? Only the finest in McCollin. What kind of drinks do they drink in McColl? Like… Fermented oxblood. Yeah, fermented oxblood and fermented centaur milk. Ugh. Mixed together? No, separately.

Sometimes you mix them. It's called a red rush. I copy. I'm good. So she's drinking. Yeah, she's drinking deep and you see that she's got like a little bit of milk like on her upper lip. You got a little… Things trying to… You got a little… Ah, thank you. And she goes… And she licks it off her top lip. Yes, only the finest vintages of centaur wine from the city of McColl itself. It's a little chunky. You can tell. Yeah.

So some Crystal Bay Pirates have grabbed Milton and they're taking him away. Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you gonna do? I… Murder that liar. I feel bad. Yeah. I'm gonna respectfully run up and like try to wedge… Pull Milton back. How does Billy respectfully run? Well, he… Kurt sees really fast and then… And he stays… He holds his little skirt, part as he runs. It was just like… He makes pizzicato strings. Yeah. Yeah. Like a little ballerina. And then he grabs Milton's foot.

He's like, no. And you are two feet tall. So you're not like stopping them or anything, but are you trying to convince them not to take Milton away? Yeah. Defy danger charisma. Yeah. Billy grabs Milton's foot and he starts… He bursts into tears. He's like, no, you can't take him. Please. He's my dad. Ten. Ten. It's a ten. Hold on. Oh my God. Eleven. Eleven. That was good. And… Oh my God. And… And everybody stops for a second because Billy's so convincingly like weeping on this guy's foot.

Billy and Tucker are like, oh my God, that's his dad. We finally found him. And everybody's eyes are like, oh my God. His eyes are wide and Ruby's like, Milton, is this true? And Milton's like, yes. Like he's taking gauge of the room. Everybody stopped and he's not going to be executed. He's like, oh. Bing and I like have our eyes open really wide and we're like slightly nodding. Yeah. And Milton's like, oh, oh, yeah, this is, this is my son. Fat Billy. Fat Billy.

I call him that as a term of influence. As a term of endearment because I understand that he has a thyroid condition and he reaches and he's like, hmm. Bing's doing the little fingers turning over and like stretch it out. Yeah. I'm doing the stretch it out motion that I saw at the DeSom Creek. Yeah. We're really getting into theater. Yes. Yeah. Well, I mean, why wouldn't you? You've seen some of the best theater the Principality has to offer. Yeah. DeSom Creek.

A bunch of kids doing a rerun of a show they like. Yeah. Lone Tree Hill. Man, one day I hope to see Wapple County. I was trying to figure out a name for Orange County for the OC and Wapple County is great. The WC. The WC. Oh, that's so fucking funny. Fuck yeah. Okay. We're going to, they're going to, we're going to feature them at some point in this show. Just write that down. Yeah. Somebody write down Wapple County. You signal Milton to stretch it out and he keeps going. Yes.

Um, he is a small halfling, of course, and I am a human. But what are the bonds of biology when the bonds of love are stronger? But also the bonds of biology because my mom was even shorter than me. That's right. I made love to a very small person. And thankfully his penis is tiny. Okay. Yes. It was the only person that I knew. It was the only person in the world that he could have sex with and have it or even feel it at all. Okay. And he picks up Billy. He starts to pick up Billy. Yeah.

And he's like, and you can see him like straining his back as he stands up. Oh my God. Pathetic. I'm a sailor. I'm not a bodybuilder. Okay. And now that you know, Ruby, about the truth of my family, I hope you can see it in your heart to spare my life. Ruby thinks for a moment. She goes, far be it from me to separate a boy from his father. I have had many, many difficulties with my own family. Ones that I would not hope to see bestowed upon the newer generation.

You are free, but you must turn in your sword and your tongue. No, just his sword will do. Yeah. Milton's like, oh, I'm, I'm not, I'm not a pirate anymore. She goes, no, we cannot. You have a family. Milton and I understand that you are only trying to seek the best for your children. So please hand in your sword and you are free to go collect your things. Put down your son. We have work to do. Could be also a thing where she's like, Milton, hand in your sword and pick up your scribe's packet.

You're working a desk job. Yeah. We're taking you off the beat. That's funnier. That's way funnier. Yeah. Milton, Milton, turn in your sword. You'll be working within the cavern complex for now. It is too dangerous out there on the streets, my young man, and you have a family to think about. You'll be working in the cosmetics department. And he bows with Billy in his arms and goes, of course, Ruby. Thank you. Thank you so much.

And he puts Billy on the ground and he kneels down, holds up his sword like he's being reverse knighted. And she takes it and throws it behind her into a big pile of swords. And gives him a little sheaf of parchments and quills. And he bows deeply and he runs off into the cavern complex. Farewell, son. Farewell, father. I will see you again. And he's gone. Thank you, Ruby. Oh, of course, Milton Jr. Now, why are you in the presence of Pirate Queen Ruby Choon's day?

We would like you to help us get somebody out of Crystal Bay that is having a hard time doing so. And we need it to be secret, smugly, and sneaky. And we also need it quick. Now. Because someone's hunting her. Yeah, so she says, smuggling. That is something we are well versed in as pirates. I believe we can help you. Who is it that is hunting this person? We only know them as the like of the Lightguard. And her eyes widen and she drops this like braggadocious personality for just a second.

Sits up straight. Yeah, but then she like brings her cup up really quickly to hide that expression. She's like, oh. As a citizen of McCall, I know them well. The stories of the Lightguard are fascinating and wide-ranging. Their heroics known around the Western world. What has brought them to these shores so far from home? I don't know for a large part. To tell her. Yeah. I feel we're saying this. Yeah. Can you give us a second to confer? Yes, of course. Until we get in a huddle again.

Can you hum to yourself, please? I hum to no one within the confines of my own lair. I will merely get a refill on my centaur wine. Okay, we're gonna shuffle over to the dinette area. Please do. And there's a really gaudy looking table that's got like brass legs and a glass top. Yeah. Like, God, this fucking sucks. Hey, Ruby. Yes, young Miltonson. Um, are we allowed to have some of these crackers and cheese? Oh, of course. Please help yourself. Okay, and also, what are those?

Those are bergam fruits all the way from McCall. Dried, of course. Okay, we can have those? You can have but one. That is all the constitution of the average human being can afford. Bergam fruits are like, there's this layer of like bread on the outside. This bready kind of fruit. And then there's a layer of like hamburger meat. Oh, my God. And then on the inside, there's like a nugget of like ketchup and mustard. That is not a fruit. It is now. I mean, it tastes like burger meat.

There's different layers of plant matter that make it taste exactly like that. The ketchup and the mustard is from, because it takes two different bugs, wasps, to pollinate. A ketchup wasp and a mustard wasp. Mustard wasp. And they have to meet. And then when they, that's when they get That's why it's such a prized fruit, because it finishes the flavor of the bergam fruit. Oh, my gosh. Okay, so Billy helps himself to crackers and cheese and seven of the bergams.

Because he eats one and he's like, oh, it's so good. And then he takes more. But they are beyond the constitution of a full-grown person. So what are they going to do to Billy? I guess we'll find out. They're going to cause Billy to roll a defy danger constitution. Constipation. 36 plus constitution. Not well. Four. Four. So mark a point. A point of experience. Cool. And as of right now, boy, those were great. They sure were. And we continue on. We just hear this like.

Billy, what was that sound? Nothing. I didn't hear anything. It's like rubbing his belly. And it's doing that like Simpsons-esque like where the stomach is like waving. Don't worry about it. It happens a lot. Oh, man. I still really like ketchup wasp and mustard wasp. And if you eat them, that's what they taste like. Yeah. Yeah. But it's hard. It's the sting the shit out of your mouth. Yeah. It's hard to eat them. But there are places in McCall where you can get them like fried. Yeah.

They just get them and they throw them in a pan and they fry them up. You can get a sauce made out of the ketchup wasp and the mustard wasp, but you just have to catch a shitload of wasps and put them in a Vitamix and they're done. Yeah. Pretty good. Vitamix is two big rocks. Yeah. It's two big rocks that are alive that have like reciprocating teeth on the inside. Oh, my God. I was imagining it was just a business owned by a guy named Vita who's just this huge dude that smashes things.

I'll smash. I'll mix. I'll do whatever you need. Okay, great. So what are you guys doing on this? We're standing around the cheese plate eating. Yeah. And we're like, what are we supposed to… How much is okay to tell Ruby? I mean, the light guard really affected her. Yeah. I saw it. You saw that? Yeah. You saw that? Yeah. I saw that. I saw that. I saw that. I saw that. I saw that. I saw that. We shouldn't tell her about Allison, though. No. I feel like she would get suspicious.

There's a lot of stigma about succubi. I understand it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Let's just say, like, the light guard is hunting a friend of ours. Oh, she's going to want to know which friend and why. Well, we have to tell her it's Allison, but we won't tell her it's a succubus. Uh-huh. And we also will just say… Why are they hunting her? Because she's… Because she's so pretty. Fucking hot. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I bet, like, he wanted to get with her, but her friends, he didn't get with them.

And they didn't make it fast enough. Like the Spice Girls. Yes. Yes. We knew where you were going. Yes. The Spice Girls, of course, are an organization of powerful spice merchants from the fall. That's kind of it. Yes. So she's going to have to leave. She can't do it. She can't do it. She can't follow through with the marriage. Because he didn't get with her. She can't follow through with her friends. Yeah. Yeah. It did make it fast. Yeah. He came so slow. Too slow.

Is that something asking guys to come faster? I have no idea. It's no… I think that… I always thought it… Obviously, when you're a kid, you're always like, she wants him to bang her friends. But it's just like, you got to get along with the rest of the Spice Girls if you want to be with me. That's how I interpreted it. Yeah. Not me. Okay, cool. Yeah. That's a pretty good story. Wow. This might be the best lie we've ever thought of. Yes. Woo. Girl power. Now you just have to pull it off.

All right. Okay, what are we saying again? And Ruby is still reclined in her chair drinking her centaur wine. It's like, I see that you have formed some kind of plan. Now tell me, whomst is the light guard hunting that you require us to assist? Personally, as a duo, I really want Ving to do this because he's such a Lothario. Yeah, that's true. All right. It's our very fuckable friend. Oh my God. What an opening salvo. How are we saying her name? Allison. Allison be her name.

And she was engaged to a high priester of the light guard. Church. Church of the flame. Probably. Yeah. Him too. Was his father unto him. And, and, and. Oh my God. And there was a, there was a cooing in the hen house. We're both giving a thumbs up. And she said, stop right there. Thank you very much. But I need somebody with a human touch. Hey, you. I got to run. And if you don't slow it down, baby, I'll be having fun with another guy. And he was like, I'll send the whole light guard after you.

And she was like, what's the part about the lady? We're just like, she's a lady. And we're trying to get her to help another lady. Help another lady. We're just trying to get one lady to help out another lady. You know how I'm trying to get her to help another lady. We all do. We, Billy and I are realizing now as this has gone on for 15 minutes, that Ving is garbage at lying. He's sweating bullets. I'm sweating bullets. It's Paul. Water is pouring from his gills. He swept out of his gills?

When is this bad? Are my gills moist? Really moist. When normal people, people get nervous and you can see the sweat stains on their shirt. I get in my collar. Okay. You're going to have to roll something because you are trying to convince her. So defy danger charisma. That's the only move that exists for lying, basically. So nine. Uh-huh. Okay. I can have an aid. So we can aid. And we all came up with the lie. So that's the aid. So Billy, do you want to do it? Sure.

Jessica has better luck than me. I don't. So it's plus your bond. Well, bang. 10, 11. Yeah. Yeah. Nailed it. So they buy it. You guys are really knocking the lies out of the park today. Uh-huh. That's great. So she puts down her chalice and steeples her fingers and says, ah, yes, the corruption of the light guard is also well known around the world.

The fear of the higher ups, many members of the light guard seek to only protect the innocent from the dangers of the outer planes, the various demonic influences on our world. But the corruption of the higher ups has been well known for decades, generations even. This story does not surprise me, though it does trouble me. As a lady, I imagine it would. Okay. Yes. I mean, that is also a problem. Billy and I are like, really? Pull it back on the ladies' time. Dude. Dude.

As a, though I am a pirate, we, as I said, are an honorable sort. I would be willing to lend my sword and my sail to any that I could. But of course, we will help you. However, I am, if nothing else, a businesswoman. So there must be something in it for the Crystal Bay Pirates. She says, if you are not willing or able to compensate us materially, then, we do have a side quest that you could complete. What is it? It's so funny to me.

Because I mean, though that is like, oh man, this is how RPGs are. This is how people operate. Like, if you can't pay me, you got to help me out. Yeah. And it's just funny that it's like, every time you try to do something, someone's like, well, could you do something else as well? Oh my God. We're trying to do something. If you're going to the grocery store, could you also take my dry cleaning? Is that the quest? Because yes, we'll do that.

So as you, I'm sure are well aware, as pirates, our criminal operations are wide ranging and lucrative. Something that the city guard of Crystal Bay cannot allow. One of our vessels was impounded by customs officials after a investigation found that we were smuggling a large quantity of high quality cosmetics up and down the coast. So both our cargo and our ship have been taken from us. Something that I am not thrilled with.

If you can acquire these cosmetics for us and perhaps return our vessel, then we would be willing to smuggle your friend or friends out on this same vessel. Is there like an impound fee or is it, how do you get it? How do people usually get it out? Well, I can tell you how we usually get our vessels back. Go ahead. By the edge of a blade. Oh, yes. A traditional, traditional methods. Yeah, that's what we thought. Yeah. We were going to do that too. Yep.

We just wanted to make sure, you know, we are following like protocol. If you can do this for us, then we can do that for you. What say you, warriors three? We say, I. I. I. Will do it. Very well. Then we have an accord. Now in the tradition, of. The pirate clans of the world, we will now seal our pact in blood. Are you going to take one of our eyes? Would you like me to? No. Good, because I did not want to. I'm squeamish about eye stuff, but. And she. Talks to his eyeball. You.

I didn't know you could do that. Being flips is his eyelids. I refuse to do that. So tuck starts touching his eye and Ving flips. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. Do not. Do not do this in my presence. You mean like this? I look weird. Jessica tie is covering her own eyes. And Billy's tummy goes. Oh, great. So she says, yes. Then we have an accord and we will seal this pact in blood. Okay. She gets up and she like cuts her hand. Whoa. Whoa.

You're squeamish. Jesus. I'm squeamish about eye stuff. Not about. Not about hand stuff. Your hand is covered in scars. Yeah, it is. She's got one huge scar that she keeps cutting open. Oh. Oh, my God. That's bad. That can't be good. You must get infected all the time. The creams and salves that we produce as the Crystal Bay Pirates are well suited to healing such repeat wounds. Okay. Your fingers barely work. On my left hand. Yes, that is true.

Which is why I've become one of the most fearsome sword fighters in the world with my right hand. Okay. My left hand is near useless. Classic overcompensation. You better do this fast. And Billy just like smashes a bottle like in doing so cuts his own hands. I'm ready. Oh, my God. Billy. Billy. I'm going to shit my pants. Billy's racing against the clock now. Okay. Ving and Tuck just look at each other and then I'm going to punch you in the nose. No, don't. I'm going to punch you in the nose.

No, I have a plan. Bam! I'm sorry. Ving just smokes Tuck right in the nose with a crystal fist. So how much damage do I take? You want to take damage? You know what I noticed the last few episodes is that every time Ving screwed up, I took damage. Yeah, because it was funny. Because you're the one with the most like capability of taking physical punishment and it's always funny. I almost died. You're the curly. You sure did. What's your damage today? D6. Okay. One. Okay.

So I don't take any damage. Yeah, because you're your natural armor, but you do start bleeding. Yeah. Yeah. And Ving's like, make me bleed. Okay. I just scratched my head with my other finger. Yeah. She's like, usually we just cut the palm a little bit. Yeah, but your hand is fucked. Okay. Now we seal it in blood. She grabs Billy's little bloody hand and is like, you should get some salves on that young one. I don't know.

I saw a beautician and he said that my skin's pretty oily, so I think I'm fine. Very well. And she starts rubbing her bloody hand on Tuck's bloody nose. And she says, this is definitely the most uncomfortable way I've done that. I sneeze into her hand. Oh. And monster boy. Ving just takes like a little bit of her blood and like, I'll do it. Yeah. Rubs it on his own palm. Give me some blood back. Okay. Okay. Okay. Thank you. Uses his ring finger.

Our bloods have been commingled and we have an accord. Now get out of my sight. My face is just smeared with her blood. Yeah, it is. You've got a big bloody handprint. Fighting Uruk-hai. You look like Wilson from Castaway. Yes. Oh, that's so funny. Fuck. Oh, fuck. That's, I totally forgot about that. All right. And that's it. She says, now. Until you have returned with my ship and my goods. Begone thee. Wait, can you tell us where the impound is? What's the name of the ship? Or the bay. Fuck.

You can't give us any information. The ship. This happens to us all the time. People will give us a job and zero detail. Okay. People just leave the cave and go ship, ship, ship. Okay. Okay. Well, I mean, here's a pretty, the boat can be found. One time a lady just gave us a cat. That was it. She said, follow this cat. Follow this cat. Follow this cat. Follow this cat. Do we look for a skull and crossbones? Is there any telltale signs of your ship? What are your colors?

Or even just, what is the name of the ship? Is it a schooner? Is it a frigate? Is it a skiff? What's the location of the impound lot? That's all we need. If you will give me a second. Okay, sure. Ruby does say, there is not an impound lot so much as you will find my vessel covered in the guard of the Crystal Bay militia. You will find my vessel. You will find the many sailed, a normal amount of sails, which is four. But maybe they're stacked on top of each other sometimes.

It seems like you've never seen the ship before. Oh, I have seen many ships. I assure you. Yeah, wait a second. Two hands, two legs. Are you even a pirate? I have absolutely been on a boat. I get the feeling that Ruby is a pirate. She's a person who has extensive theater training. Yes. Who kind of just fell into this business. Yes. Yep. She accidentally became a pirate. More of a min pirate. Yeah. Exactly. She's like pretty good. She used to be like a stage manager for a theater group. Yeah.

And she also like knows all the main pirate plays. So she knows how to play a pirate. Yeah. Nice. Great. Yeah. So she says, you will find the ship known as the aimless wanderer within the docks of Crystal Bay. You will know it by the. The brass figurehead featuring the stunning form of a centaur in full bloom. So it's just it's like a fat guy. Yeah. With like aging hard on icebreaker. Yeah. It's a centaur with like a statue of a centaur with full balls. His chest is like painted.

So it's all hairy. And it's like that thing where it's like man boobs. Huge gut. Yeah. Keep talking. He's got his arms up. And then he's got the front legs of the centaur part. But he's making the face of like the. Like a model. Yeah. Like a model. Like. And they also even carved out like delicate armpit hairs. Like just the hairiest arms. Yeah. Back is like a carpet. Rings and all this. Totally. Like gold chains. Yeah. Yeah. Gold chains around his human part neck. And then also his waist.

Which is technically his camel neck. Yeah. And yeah. So she's just returning this vessel to me and my goods. And you will have your way out. Okay. Now be gone. Okay. From me. Yeah. Billy already sprinted. Billy has begun. He has been gone. Do you guys have a bathroom? Billy's just waddling up the cave. He was trying to make it to the beach, but he couldn't. So there's one of their. They have a lot of reading nooks. Kind of throw it. The cave. And he just picked one. Oh my God.

And there's just a lot of stuff on this rug. And there's a Billy's pulling pages from the books and wiping himself. And he's just like covering the pile of poop with the pages. And when you guys run up, that's what you see. Oh my God. We got to get out of here before everybody sees this. Oh yeah, for sure. I'm going to just roll up this rug and take it with. And then we're going to go. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. You get back to the beach and you hear a, Hey. Hey. And a little bit further down this like cave wall where like the rocks are. You see a very, a paper thin sheet of sand. Like collapse back onto the beach and Perel and mirrors are standing behind it. And mirrors is like, why did they like what happened? Well, I. I don't know. Like it was probably those Bergam fruits. But I had.

The most aggressive dump I ever had in the last week for sure. More aggressive than the one that you had before when it was also really aggressive? Yeah. It was huge. It was huge. I think back to what I saw in the pile on the carpet and I was like, oh yeah, that was as big as Billy. How the fuck? How'd you pass that? How are you passing aggressive? I don't know. Billy's eyes are haunted. Yeah. And Mears is like, you're going to have to tell me what a bergam fruit is though.

It sounds interesting. They taste so good. Not worth it. We'll see. Okay, I need a bathroom. I like that immediately he was like, they're not worth it. Probably. The whole time he's just digging holes in the sun. Like a cat. He's like, it's a nervous tick that he does when he has diarrhea. He's just nervously crates a hole. I need a place. I need a receptacle right now. Perel's like, okay, so what's the plan? What's going on? They want us to get their ship back. It's got a bunch of makeup on it.

It's got a huge hard-on centaur on the front of it. And when we get the ship back to them, they will get Allison out of here. Okay, alright. So we're ship thieves now. Yeah. Cool. We're pirates. Mears holds up his metal hand and he's like, eh? Pirate time. And it's going… We gotta get you some oil for that. The metal just moves. I don't know if oiling it would do anything. So you start walking down the beach and Perel's like, alright, we'll head back to the hotel. We'll make a plan.

We're gonna steal a boat. Hell yeah. Let's do it. Boat party. I did like hang loose. Boat party summer. And you're walking down the beach and the sunset, the eternal sunset is glittering off the crystals in the bay and the rocks creating this very nice tableau. The coronet arcs through the sky and Perel's like, okay, yeah, we're gonna steal a boat. This is gonna be great. I can do some magic stuff. Blah, blah, blah. And Mears is like, um, hey guys. What? What's that?

And he points out into the water and you see this massive ship with like brass fittings all over the place and torches and bonfires burning on the deck. And on the front of it is this massive sail and right in the center of the sail is the symbol. Tuck, you recognize this. Of the light guard. Whoa! We gotta move. And I think that's probably where we're gonna end it for this week. Thank you very much for listening, everybody. My name is Sean O'Hara. I've been your Game Master.

With me as always, playing Tacoma Dome, the Barbarian Abdulaziz. Oh, he's pointing to some goose bumpies. It's GBs. No. Maybe I just liked it because it was my idea. No, it's awesome. I did it again, bud. Man, I'm so hard on my own ideas. Can't get enough. Playing Ving the Half-Elf Druid Paul Oppers. See you later. Playing Fat Billy the Halfling Thief Jessica Tai. Bye, everyone. Thanks to Aaron Reed for our amazing intro and outro music. Thanks to Wes for all the technical work.

Abdul for all the editing. Thanks to Adam Coble and Sage LaTorre for creating Dungeon World. And you can find us on Patreon at patreon.com slash Spout Lore for just an absolute shit ton of bonus content. And I think we're up to like 14 or 15 hours now. And as of right now, we're just about to start releasing our bonus game, which is a Blades in the Dark campaign set in the High Spear Mall featuring the Cool Treat Kids.

If you find it in your hearts, please feel free to shoot us a review on iTunes, five stars or more. Yeah, everyone has reviewed five stars, except for one person who reviewed three stars. And we're back. Our average is back at five. But whoever that is, if I ever meet you, I'll be back. I'll be back. I'll be back. I'll be back. I'll be back. I'll be back. I'll be back. But whoever that is, if I ever meet you, I'll slit your fucking throat. Well, we appreciate your honesty.

We really appreciate the variety of review. And we would never threaten a critic for any reason. Makes them look legit. Yeah, exactly right. And you can find us also on social media at Spout Lore most places. Thanks so much for listening, everybody. We'll see you next time. And so ends the tale of Adventures 3. Who tried the best they could? And though dumb and scared and lost they be, sometimes oppressed in revelry.

And though our journey may be like a conclusion, we will not leave you without a resolution. Return next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores. And for you I gladly Spout Lore. Pretty great. Well done, everybody. I'll leave that in. Alright.

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape, and wields a spear with great pride Billy's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends, and listen close For the tale's about to start Hi everybody, and welcome to Spout Lore I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara, and with me as always playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian, Abdul Aziz Hello Playing Ving the half-elf druid, Paul Oppers Hello Playing Fat Billy the halfling thief, Jessica Tai Hello When last we left, oh What?

No, I just immediately belched and Yeah, I also burped at the same time Yeah, brought to you by Bubbly Yeah, Bubbly If anybody has any pull with Bubbs Or Michael Bublé, who is their spokesperson Oh yeah, Mikey Bubbs Yeah Mikey Bubby, we are accepting sponsors We are accepting sponsors? Uh, I will make Bubbly a central tenant of the world of Spout Lore if you give us money And Bubbly Yeah I did it all for the Bubbly What? Bubbly What? Bubbly What?

I imagine that if we ever did that in like season six, like we'd all just be sitting around at a fire eating And then Perel would just be like, did I ever tell you guys my last name? Bubbly My name's Perel Bubbly Mr. Bubbly to you Anyway, pass some of that delicious flavored soda water Carbonation It's the famous invention of my family It's all through just Perel He becomes the sponsored character And he's like, what do you guys think of my shirt?

I got it from the Gap It's a hole in the ground over there That'd be so funny We get all our clothes from the Gap It's a big hole where we found a bunch of old clothes Just dig around in there, find what you need The factories where they make these clothes have dismal They actually have wonderful adults getting paid a lot That's the opposite Cause it's fantasy It's elves that make the clothes that we find It's an enchanted Gap An enchanted hole in the ground And they are paid nothing Okay When last we left our heroes, they had made a deal with the Laugh on mic That's better But I'm laughing at my own joke, it doesn't count Yeah it does You've got goosebumps It's so funny You laugh at your own jokes all the time Yeah cause I'm fucking hilarious I second that When last we left our heroes, they had made a deal with the Crystal Bay Pirates To smuggle Allison out of Crystal Bay in exchange for Returning their vessel, the Aimless Wanderer And crates full of high quality cosmetics that had been confiscated by Crystal Bay Militia's customs officials And And that is where we left our heroes They were returning to the Emerald Hotel and Spa I believe to make a plan and maybe get some rest Yeah Alright And that is where we find you now In your palatial penthouse suite With adjacent rooms Perel and Mears have come with you and you're all just kinda hanging out Allison is nowhere to be seen Yeah We have asked like room service to bring up a map of the city So that's spread out on the table Billy actually made a small fort of the blankets and he's using his goggles to look at the city And he's using his goggles to look at the city And then he uses his goggles to look at the ship out in the water Oh yes cause that was the last thing everybody saw Was a ship that Tuck recognized as bearing the insignia of the Light Guard coming into harbor What does the insignia look like?

It's a torch with a flame on it and it's in a little circle With a sword behind it That's basically exactly what I was thinking I was thinking a sword, the blade facing down and the pommel as a torch Oh so good I love that more then what I said That's pretty much what you said. That's what you said. We all said stuff. They're all jerking each other off now. We were. All three of us are just jerking each other off because we're so good at fantasy. That was Sean Kilvang. Yeah. Yeah.

Just scream fantasy. Yeah, that is how I usually finish. Jessica is nodding with a smile on her face. That is a grimace. Thank you very much. Yeah, so it was a big billowy, I believe what is called a jib sail on the front of the ship with a big brass insignia. It's like one color, a brass sword with a stylized torch on the pommel. Cool. And Billy's staring out the window. Oh, are you discerning realities, Bilbo? I sure am, sir. All right. I was going to say Bilbo, but I'm Bilbo. Damn.

And I never remember what I use. Is it intelligence? It is wisdom for discerning realities. Fuck me. Pretty good. You get three questions from the discerning realities list. What happened here recently? What is about to happen? What should I be on the lookout for? What here is useful or value to me? Who's really in control here? What here is not what it appears to be? I guess like what is useful or valuable to me. I guess you get a really good look at the people on the ship.

What do they look like? This is part of the question. Yeah. It's not a second question. So they are all… Do we think it's safe to say that they all look like they're from McCall? Yeah. They all have the same kind of dark skin that Tuck does. Yeah. It's a mixture of men and women, big and tall. I mean, small. Big and tall, menswear, store. A lot of guys over six and a half feet and over 250 pounds. Oh my goodness. And they need tailored clothes just for them.

Here I thought Tuck was just an anomaly. Nope. They're all… Is everyone big? Okay. Well, no, actually, I think he did mention that you're just really big. I'm huge. I mean, maybe there's one. Oh, yeah. There's one other person on the crew that's huge. What? What if it's like the kid that bullied me? Yes. What's his name? What was his name? Probably Adam. Yeah. Let's call him Fat Adam. Fat Adam. Oh, man. But he was like really strong. He was huge, but so strong. Yeah.

He bullied the shit out of me. And now he's clearly been cut. Yeah. By a lot of sorts. Yeah. By a lot of sorts. Yeah. He's like gigantic. He's maybe not quite as tall as Tuck, but he's hugely muscular. Oh, my God. Tuck, come here and check this out. I run up and I like take Billy's hands and I put them on my face. Wow. You can actually see… Have we decided? Yeah. Billy… You guys can look through Billy's hands? Yeah. Billy wants him to. Yeah. Okay. I see. We did it in Pinewood once.

Yeah, totally. Okay. So you guys see like there's a lot of people on the ship because ship crews require a ton of people. What's sort of the clothing that we think they're wearing? Are they all wearing a… Uniform? White? I think so. A light guard. Like a sailor? Oh, yeah. Like I imagine everything very like… I mean, it's white. Queen. Yeah. Christine. And lawful. Oh, they're like lawful good. Oh, yeah. No, they see themselves as like heroes. Oh, yeah.

They try and hold themselves to high honor, but they're just very hard line about demons. Uh-huh. They're like no demons. Plus, they come from McCall, which is hot. So like, you know, white. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It's flowing. It deflects heat and it's flowing. Yeah. Cool. So it's a lot of white linens. Yeah. But there are also people… Yeah. Sandals that strap up the leg. Yeah. Yeah. The one…

You can tell which ones are warriors and which ones are scribes because the scribes are wearing like tunics because they don't have to run. Mm-hmm. And then the warriors are wearing like… Yeah. Skirts like with… So basically the tunic, but it's like slit down the middle. Oh, yeah. So like it gives them like mobility. Do they wear armor at all? No. No armor? No armor? Because they believe that the Lord of the Flame protects them. Wow. Some of them have arm guards. Yeah. Yeah.

Just like a little arm guard. Yeah. And I'd say that's probably like a brass color. Like a lot of stuff that they have is sort of this burnished brass. Yeah. Oh, no. Fadum. I guess my second question is… I think that's Fadum. Oh, no. What the fuck is Fadum doing here? Yeah. Who's he? He used to make me eat shit. Oh, what? He was… Oh, my God. He's got so big. It's okay. We'll protect you. And he has this really like… So he's clean shaven, but he's got a huge like lantern jaw. Yeah.

He's got hair braided from the center of his forehead all the way down the back. And he's got this weird ponytail. Like as a faux hawk? Kind of. Oh, my God. Like a rat tail. Yeah, basically. Horn rows into a rat tail? But a single row. Whoa. Yeah. So it's just down the center of his head. Oh, my God. Yeah. He's so much bigger than he used to be. Talk. So are you, buddy. And you got friends. You got us. Yeah. The power of friendship. Okay. Yeah. Don't worry. We're here for you. Okay.

And I take the axe off my back. Uh-huh. And I'm like, okay. Yeah. And I just sit with it. One thing looks at Billy and is like, Jesus fucking Christ, that guy's fucking huge. We're fucked if he starts fucking with us. Fuck. I'm sorry for cursing, Billy. Don't use bad language. I won't, but. It's a practice of what I preach. Actually, to be honest, I don't. Talk is on the other side. Are you just like talking to like. I'm talking to Larry Terry and Chad. TLC, yeah.

I'm telling them all the things that Fatim did to me. Oh, man. I don't know why you guys are having this conversation. To be honest, I don't really have a plan for what we're going to do about Fatim, but it's good to know now. Yeah. Actually, so yeah, that is what is useful or valuable is you get a good look at the people on the ship, but you also know there is someone that will recognize Tuck. Mm-hmm. Ooh. Yeah. I'd also like to know what is about to happen. Mm.

So they're going to hit the harbor and they're going to start figuring out what the situation is. Mm-hmm. Maybe Tuck would have an idea or he'd at least have heard stories about how the light guard operate. They always send scouts at first. Oh. So do you think these are the scouts? No, no, no. Like off the ship. Like how big is the ship? It's huge, right? It's like a galleon. It would have traveled across the Sea of Graves. What Tuck thinks is that, yeah, like this is like the force.

And like the scouts are going to come in. Mm-hmm. And like start interviewing people and like showing pictures around, trying to track. Yeah. Like check down Allison and like getting ready for the extermination. And then it's just like a strike force where like all of the warriors come in, like destroy everyone and then like leave all of a sudden. Holy fuck. They're not going to kill everyone. Yeah. Just the people that they're like, we've identified these individuals are demons.

That's why there are scribes with them. There are scribes and there are also judges on the ship. Oh, okay. Who like take the information from the scouts and then are like, okay, from what you've told me, this is, these people are demons. These people aren't. And then they just, there's like a kill list. And it's like, go get, go find them. Holy shit. Yeah. What here is not what it appears to be. This is, this is another one that Tuck notices.

Like he takes another look in the hand, in Billy's hand goggles and looks, and you look closer at the ship and you're like, hold on a second. And you notice like the way that, that the lanterns are laid out, like the way that the, cause they have open braziers, like just burning fire, like on the deck. There's a very strong fire motif, of course, to the, to the light guard. Cause it's so dangerous.

The church of the flame really reveres fire as they see it as like a balance between light and dark. It's bright, but it also creates shadow, but always in perfect balance. So cool. Sort of thing. But you realize like the way this ship looks, it's very ostentatious. And you look and you see the name of the ship written in McCollin, like along the bow. And it's called the purifier. Whoa. And you're like, oh, fuck me. Like, this is like the flagship.

This is the flagship of the most revered hero in the light guard, the torch of McCall. Whoa. What is the story that you've heard of the torch of McCall? Uh, I heard he was dating the, the grand vizier's daughter. Whoa. Yeah. That was like in all the tabloids, like right before I left. That's the story. I, and there was like, there was a drawing circulating of him naked. And his, his dick was huge. It was nuts. It was like the size. It was down to his knee. Oh my God. I am.

I am asking an outlander question and I demand that you give me a better answer. Or you will not get the experience. Okay. I'm just giving it a little bit of flavor. Oh, totally. Yeah. No, he's, he's had a long and storied love life. Yeah. And a huge flash of dong. Yeah. Flash it. What'd I say? You said flash it. That's what I meant. That's his, that's his real first name. His given first name is flashed. Yeah. Flushied. Flushied. Flushied.

What's the story that you've heard of the torch of McCall? Um, the story that I heard was that he also grew up on the streets of McCall and he came from like one of the poor districts. And when he was a kid, there was an outbreak of this like disease that is from the outer dark in one of the like, like poor neighborhoods. And so they quarantined it and the disease has like a one week kind of like, like period of time where it acts.

And then like after that they opened the city back up and they just pull all the dead out and everyone dies. Like it rips through everyone. Everyone turns into demons and then like their metabolism can't handle it and then it burns them out. So when they went back in, he was the only one still alive. Hmm. Wow. So that was, everyone was like, he's chosen. Uh, and he, the story is that he had to kill his own family to survive. Damn. Yeah.

So he's got a reputation as like a no nonsense does what needs to be done sort of warrior. Yeah. Cool. And he's like really hot. He's probably older now. Like I said, well, no, I mean like, but he's, so he's got like, so actually maybe he, you see him come out onto the deck. Yeah. While you're watching through the, the fans and he's this very tall, very like straight backed. Maybe man in his, like he's probably in his fifties or sixties now almost. Oh yeah.

So you see him come out on deck and he's just wearing like the simple like white robe of like the scribes, which you think is unusual. Uh, but, and he's got this, uh, what do you have a goatee maybe just like a, like a well sculpted kind of long, but just not full on the sides. Yeah. But this like black streaked through with gray and then long gray, like curled hair. Like that sits at his shoulders and he's just walking around on the deck. He's shredded. Oh yeah.

Where it's like, you could see his abs through his tunic, which is not make sense. Yeah. So you see him come out onto the deck and sort of watch the crew working. And part of he's like, Oh my God, that's the torture McCall. Yeah. And the, the shot shifts to a far away shot of the hotel and you can hear tuck scream. Oh my God. I picture him jumping up and like Billy's dangling. He stands up. I never even thought about that, but tuck standing in the window using Billy's hands as a binoculars.

He's just squeaked up against the window. His little tummy's squished. Oh my God. Billy's just being smeared and crushed against the window. He's like, wow, this must be a big deal. We're so fucked. Oh my God. We're so fucked. And it's awesome. This guy wants, he killed six basilisks in a night alone. Whoa. Yeah. You didn't see it. No, these are just stories. Wow. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Basilisks are endangered species. Because of the torture of McCall. What's a basilisk like in this world?

It's a huge fucking snake. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. It's a big ass snake. Yeah. Do they do the stone thing where they turn? They turn people to stone? They turn them into, it can be stone, but it can be other hard materials like quartz or opal, gold. Depends on the place of origin of the basilisk. Exactly. Okay. There have been, you know, like ice even. I was thinking ice. Yeah. Ooh, daddy like. You know, because there's, basilisks exist everywhere, but the subspecies are, are dwindling. Yeah.

Numerous, but the amounts of them are dwindling. They're, they're deadly, but the reproductive cycle is so long. If you kill one, it really affects the population. Like pandas. And the, yeah. And the basilisk can, the female can only give birth once. To one offspring. Wow. Uh, I realize, like just dooms them to extinction anyway. Yeah. You, you will never get more basilisks than you have in the world. But the reason for that is because they didn't evolve in this part of the world. Oh yeah.

Like they're from the outer dark. Oh, okay. So you end up with more slipping into the world through the cracks in the broken shores. Okay, cool. Yeah, man, I really like basilisks now. That's cool as hell. Uh, great. Yeah. And so that is what, you know, the light guard has arrived. You kind of know what their next steps are going to be. You know that the torch of McCall is here, which tuck, you would guess means that this is maybe even bigger than you initially thought.

Cause if he came all the way here, there's gotta be a reason. Or maybe he's just, you know, in the twilight of his career. Yeah. Going to crystal Bay. Yeah. Like, okay, cool. Yeah. I'll take a milk run. Yeah. Head out to the resort town. Coronet. It's in town. Beautiful. And so that's where it is. What's your plan now? We need to find Allison quick. We do, but we do have to make a plan to how to get the ship, right? Yeah. Okay. We don't find out where it is. Well, how about this?

Let's talk about the plan right now. Like make it pretty simple. Like we usually do. Right. So Billy goes and stands over the map and he's like, this is a, this is a map. And this is the ocean part. He's pointing at land. Yeah. And he's like, so the ship probably goes over here. Over there. Okay. You're doing a great job, but thank you. And they got trapped and, and we got to get back out. I like that Billy is at the absolute limit of his ability to pull.

She did mention that it's not so much impounded as it was like confiscated by the militia, like the customs. So it's probably just in the docks. Okay. And it's probably got guards on it. Okay. Let's go ask the front desk clerk where the customs is. Yes. Are you coming? Are you staying? I'll stay up here. Do you, do you, is there anything that you imagine you might need me for? Can you find Alison and try and get her back to the hotel? Tell her that the light guard is here. Oh, sure.

Yeah, absolutely. Can do, can do. I'll see you later. And he, he heads out. Is Mears going with him or he's staying with us? Uh, I'm going to stay here. I'll, I'll, I'll be like base camp. I see that Mears had a book and I'm like, I think he's looking at Burgum berries. I just have some ideas that I think I'd like to work out. Mears is not going to work. Billy, Billy says this from the bathroom. I think that was the last one. You guys, let's hope so. Uh, yeah.

So, so you head down to the front desk. Yeah. And we were just like, where's, where's customs? Oh, like the customs office. Yeah. Uh, you will find that on the edge of Peter 49, Peter 49. You can go check out peer 49. There's a little office right there at the end. And that'll be the customs house. All right, cool. Do they sell churros? Uh, I'm sure you can find one on the way. All right. Okay. And you head through the center of town. So there is the stage, the DeSom Creek theater society stage.

And, uh, you see some people standing around for like a late night show. Although I guess they're all late night shows cause it's been sunset for so long, but there seems to be another show going on right now. People are pretty excited about it. We stopped for a second. Can we watch this for a sec? I mean, I think we should probably, we keep going, but like we can watch like two minutes of it. Okay. Two minutes tops just until the commercial break. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Uh, well here's the thing is you start watching the show and you're like, this doesn't even seem like it's the same play. Like this seems like it's a different story altogether. You see a person on another person's shoulders and one of them's like holding an ax, like the person on the top is holding an ax. And there's a little halfling who's like older than Billy, but is like got the cape on and has two knives. And there's a bunch of people dressed as like crystal Bay pirate.

And they're sort of like scrapping it out on deck. It's a big fight scene. And it looks like it's going against all of the, the, the ax person and the halfling and this other person that's like got a bunch of furs in a cape over them. I lean over. I'm like that ax person. It looks like he doesn't know what the fuck he's doing. And I'm so scared. I'm like, I have no idea how this is going to turn out.

And the person in the cape goes like, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, And they throw the cape off and they have like two sticks with like cloth attached to them. Oh my God. What a freak. And there's a big painting of like a monster, like a huge, huge, like furry creature with wings and antlers and claws. And he's like, yeah. And you hear the piercing going. I did not see that coming. And all the people in the pirate costumes go, ah, and they all run off stage.

And then the person dressed as the halfling, whips a knife at one of them and it bops them on the head. You see, it's made out of like balsa wood and the person falls down and they go, hooray. And the crowd goes, yeah. Oh my God. We're all clapping. Yeah. And the people bow and the person drops the monster cape and they all bow.

And the person on the bottom of the two stack people with the ax is like, as they bow, you can see like massive ab muscles flexing as they try to keep the person on top of them on. When they bow, they're like, Oh, I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. When they bow, there's somebody standing behind me. Brought to you by bubbly, no calories, no sweeteners, just smile. Uh, and jaunter comes out as the people bow off and they're like, thank you. Thank you.

Thank you for joining us for the premiere of our brand new play. The heroes of tomorrow. We're very excited to bring you this story and we hope that you'll, you'll join us for episode two tomorrow. Thank you very much. Have a great night. What time is your play? It's at 6 PM. Oh, I can't wait to see what happens next. Let's go to the customs house. Yeah. Fucking idiots. And so you head down to the customs house and you realize that, that, yeah.

So as you're passing through various parts of the town, the seems like the party's kind of picking up. There's more and more people. It seems arriving to crystal bay as time goes on. There's more bands striking. There's more people coming in. There's more people coming in. There's more people coming in. There's more bands striking up. There's a lot more booths and stands, people selling goods and services and souvenirs and all that. Is there a pizza cone shop? I'm kind of pecking. Yeah.

There's a place that just makes bread bowls full of like a tomato stew. I grab one of those. All right. Yeah. One coin. Okay. Ving. I got this. Sorry, bubby. I'm looking at the counter at the cart. You want a pizza cone? Yeah. All right. What else do you have? We have a beef stew cone. We have a noodle cone. Chicken churros. Chicken churro cone. Okay. Basically, any food that you want in a cone, I will take and I will put in a cone. Wait, what's this thing?

I pointed at a sign that says ice cream cone. I've never seen this before. Oh, you're going to be excited. That's a prototype that I've been working on. You take a bunch of milk from whatever animal you can find it. You throw a bunch of ice cubes in there. Yeah. You put them in there for a little bit and you just throw them in a bread bowl. It takes some time to get used to, but once you do, never going back. Okay. I have four of those. Four. Billy, maybe just start with one. Yeah. All right.

Yeah. That'll be four corns, I guess. Ving, please. I mean, yeah. We are fucking terrible at setting boundaries with our kids. There's no sugar in these, is there? Oh, there's a lot of sugar. Oh, there's almost an inadvisable amount of sugar, but it's the only thing that makes the ice palatable. We'll have two salad cones too, please. Okay. Just get some roughage. I mean, the roughage is also covered in a lot of sugar. Wait, is there sugar in the pizza cone? I hold up the pizza cone. Oh, yeah.

Oh, my God. Okay, whatever. Lots of sugar. Fuck. Food cart food sucks. I got a good connection with a sugar guy. Oh, yeah. I'm going to have to go get some sugar. I'm going to have to go get some sugar. I'm going to have to go get some sugar. I'm going to have to go get some sugar. I'm going to have to go get some sugar. I got to put it somewhere. I got too much sugar. My wife was like, you got to get some of this out of the house. Take your sugar elsewhere, baby. It's just in your house?

Oh, yeah. Just a bunch of loose sugar. The guy that brought it to me, he just had it in a big cart and he just dumped it through my window. And you know how it is. No. Oh, well, you will. You ever get into sugar business. All right. So how much is that? Oh, what'd you get? You got the pizza cone. Yeah. Got three ice cream cone. You got a… A salad cone. Two salad cones. Oh, you got four ice cream cones. So one more. Three is enough. Okay, fine. Three. Okay. Anything for you, Gil boy?

No, I'll have a salad cone. All right. That's six, I guess. Great. Six coins. Thank you. Hey, thank you. Billy eats all the salad cone… All the cones in five minutes flat. An incredible achievement to be sure. All right. So we head to the customs house. Okay, great. So you see the customs place. You get there. You see a long, long one floor building that's right along the edge of the boardwalk where all the docks… What? That's ugly. So? I like it to be tall and skinny. What?

I'm tired of flat, boring buildings. What flat, boring… Crystal Bay is rocky and small. We have to have it long and skinny like a good old customs house. So beautiful. Way better. Where would they keep the… Where would they keep the… The… The… The… The… The… The… The… The… The… The… The… The… The… The… The… The… The…

Like it's on rocks so they've opened up under the rocks like caves not a bad idea I can't believe I'm being overruled on architecture now because that was lame okay it's 150 feet tall straight up five feet wide it's a bunch of crates stacked on top of each other make it pretty oh my god I don't want to play in an ugly thing it's just a building I know all right it's what it's a two floor house it's four okay billy discerns realities oh my god wow yeah this is how we can overrule this is what sugar bowls all right I discern realities with yeah billy's cranky because the ice cream yes so much wisdom with wisdom so I get eight which means I succeed you get one question I don't need to ask questions so billy one second billy will ask a question after so billy's looking around and he's like I suppose this is the custom house and it's a building that is four stories tall and made of stone and there's beautiful windows and lampposts made of the crystal and stairs that lead up to double doors made of wood and inlaid with crystal cutouts you and above it says custom house and my question is what here is not what it appears to be my authority is a gm no and then this is what you tell us what the caves oh I just get totally took over yeah sorry yep are you but she shook her head no uh this is cool though because it like they like because it's a port town the customs like facilities would be really good because so much is coming in and going out and it's a lot of like high value stuff totally so like maybe there's like a customs master who like his office is on the top floor of this and he like is he look look there's uh what are they called telescope thingies periscopes by glasses there's periscopes telescopes and spy glasses everywhere everywhere yeah that's what the crystal inlets are the windows they're actually magnifying so you can just stand in front of it and look out oh yeah and they're like scribes that line the walls and they watch every direction and they're like oh I can see the wind's pleasure coming in yeah yeah and there's a picture of the old custom house the ugly long building sitting along the shore you dipshit there to remind them of what never to do again there's a plaque underneath about the tragic, terrible architectural history of Crystal Bay before the beautiful, intelligent architect who redesigned the customs building came in.

Just about how everything looked like a fucking piece of shit. This is all written. Yeah, and right underneath that, it continues that now the new customs house makes it much more complicated and much more involved for anyone to get in to find anything specific and to get the same thing out again without being recognized. Who cares? This town is about style, not content. It says at the bottom of this that the old engineer killed himself while shitting himself to death.

Alright, so that's what you find. One person can't do it. Wait, you didn't answer what here is what? What? What here is not what it appears to be. This doesn't look like a fucking customs house at all. This is a palace. It's a 1D facade. One dimensional facade. And the wind blows and it falls down. Revealing a long, boring building. I quit. No, no, no. She threw her headphones off. She threw her ring off. Oh no, she's divorcing me. Okay, yeah, so that's the customs house. What?

What here is not what it appears to be. Wait, hold on, before you answer that. Would it be better to ask what here is useful or valuable to me to try and find a way in and out? Okay, never mind. So what here is not what… Jesus Christ, you're so cranky since you ate that imaginary ice cream. I'm sorry. Out of control. So what here is not what it appears to be is in the flagstones of the street you see inlaid like thick crystal panels. Oh yeah.

And a couple of them you see lights glittering from underneath and you realize that that probably means that there are storage rooms beneath the street. Oh, sick. Subterranean. So that means that this customs house, because you're like, that doesn't seem like it's big enough to handle all the cargo that would be coming in and out of the city. And you're like, oh, it's because it's underneath us. So guys, do you think we could maybe pop out one of these crystals and slide on in? Yeah, maybe.

How much cover do we have from the guards up front of the customs house? None. It's right in front of you. You're staring at the customs house. This is on like, it's the boardwalk. Pretty busy section of the city as well. Because it's like, there's lots of bars. There's a lot of like really rough busy bars because the sailors come in. They hit these bars. It's a lot of people that haven't been on shore for a while. Plus it's the Coroneta. So there's just a lot of activity. It stinks down here.

Yeah, but all of this activity might make this the perfect situation to cause a distraction. What if we pretend to be sailors? Oh, that's a good idea. Yeah. What's the plan here? I realized that we didn't actually talk about what your guys' plan was. We haven't come up with one. Okay. Is the aimless wanderer here? You have no idea where it is. But there's probably a registry. Yeah, a registry of ships in the customs house for things that have come in and out of dock.

So we need to see that registry. We need to find out where the aimless wanderer is. We also need to know how heavily guarded it is. Or we can probably figure that out when we get there. That's usually our plan, right? We just show up and we're like, this is a lot more than we expected. We'll be right back, guys. We tell them we're coming back. Don't nobody go nowhere. Okay, just everyone hands up who has experienced sailing. No hands go up. Oh, except Ving slowly raise.

Wait, you know how to sail? Do they sail in the frozen north or on the shores of the Great Forest? I mean, it's ice sailing, but I think it's kind of the same thing. Okay. What's ice sailing? It's a boat and it has big blades on the bottom and you use the thing on the frozen thing and you whip around. We have races, ice races. That's awesome. Did you ever compete in ice racing? Yes. Did you win? No. But I didn't want to win. You won in spirit though. Yes, I sure did. Nice.

Was Ving like so good at ice racing, but like he would lose in an act of rebellion? Yeah. Oh my god. Ving is the coolest. Elves are known for being really good at that. But he, you know, he fights off all his elfdom. He's a self loathing elf. Would he do a thing? Where he like beats all the elves to the finish line and then he stops before the finish line and just gets out and walks away while everyone else crosses it? Yeah. In the opposite direction? Yeah. Nope. He never did that.

That was a really cool idea though. Yeah, this is a conversation that we're all having. I really like ice racing and I really like that Ving has this like past as an ice racer in the frozen north. That's so cool. Spoiled brat foppish part of his like youth. That's a cool idea for a spelt Lorigins. Yes! Oh my god, can we? Yeah, we should do. Maybe that could be this year's Christmas episode. So we know our plan, right? Yeah. I don't. Get into the customs house.

We're gonna get into the customs house, try and find the registry and find… Sorry? We're pretending to be sailors. Yeah, we're pretending to be sailors. We're gonna get in, pretend to need to use the registry and then like just look up where the homeless wanderers. Okay, so you're walking right through the front door. That's your plan? I'm gonna stay behind. Okay. Yeah. Just in case. Stay guard? Yeah. And also just to take in the sights. Yeah, we need a man on the other side. Yeah. Okay.

So Tuck and Ving walk up to the front door. Ahoy, matey! Hello. Ahoy, matey. I, I… Ahoy, matey. And there's two guards with like spears standing at the front like business and pleasure to meet you. State your business. Oh, um, yes. They look at each other like, oh my god. We too are sailors. And we need to put our ship into the registry. Have you come into port? Yes. Yeah. Alright. Head in. Head down the hall. Second door on the right. Thank you very much. Cool spears. Thank you. Yeah.

I like your pantaloons. Thank you. What's the name of that little hat you got there? It's a tri-corner. Because it's got tri-corners. It looks really good on you. You not so much. Head inside, please. Okay. And you do and it's a very, uh… Bye-bye. Goodbye. Please go in. Okay. Yeah, we're going. You head through the doors and it's a very beautiful, like… Just one quick… Sorry, just… Which way is the bathroom? Sorry. The privy is for employees only. Okay. Sorry. The what? The privy.

The what? The privy. One more time. Okay. It's a hole. On the ground, it goes into the water. Okay. Gross. Okay. And you can't use it. Okay. Employees only. Okay. Go inside. Bye. Bye. And you go inside and it's this, like, really nice, like, burnished wood hallway. Are you guys hiring? I have to pee so bad. Mmm. As you… You go to walk in and you turn around and say one more thing and you're just staring at the tip of a spear. Yep. Enough said. Yeah. Got it? Cool. Hallway. Second on the right.

A nice, beautiful wood hallway. Old fixtures with crystal lamps inside and there's various lovingly rendered paintings of a long, one-storied wooden building. There's a mock-up under a plexiglass, you know, like a little diorama of the old building. But they put it in a toilet as a symbol of what is past and what should never pass again. Small flames coming up. It says, burn in hell, old building. You see a little diorama, like, off to the corner, a little diorama of a family.

There's, like, there's a man and a woman and three children and they're both standing next to the building as it burns and they have their hands on their faces and there's a little thing underneath that says, the original architect of this building, Luger Feffman, was ruined following the destruction of his former building. He was never hired again as an architect and his family died destitute. Oh, man. Jessica's so proud of herself.

And you continue down and are you going to the second door on the right or are you fucking around in here? Well, the second door on the right's where the registry is, right? Let's go to the registry first. Yeah, let's go to the registry. You might have to fuck around. And then we'll fuck around after. Alright. And you go in and there's a… Ahoy! Hi. There's a man. Ahoy. There's a woman with little spectacles, like tiny little spectacles pinched on her nose like Pinch Nez.

And she's writing in this huge book. She's got a big crazy, feather that's like… It's actually… You notice it looks like a very downy thunderbird feather. It's from their under feathers. It's a lighter gray, like a rain cloud instead of a thunderstorm cloud. And it's just like billowing. It shimmers. She's very proud of it, you can tell. Every once in a while, you'll see like a little bit of static crackle down it. Fuck yeah. Yeah. Just static. Yeah. So cool.

And she's writing and she says, Hello! Welcome to the Crystal Bay Customs House. What can I do for you? Hi there. We just came into port. We need to register our vessel, please. Ah, very good. And she flips open to a new page and she says, Name of vessel? Colonel Mustard. She writes down Colonel Mustard. Purpose of visit? We're here for… We're bringing in… Fine mustards. Yes. Fine mustards. Mustard wasps. Mustard wasps. Who those are? We're gonna have to figure that out.

They're a non-indigenous species. If any mustard wasps were to escape your cargo hold… Sorry, they've been blended already. Ah, very good. Very good. She writes down mustard wasps and then in brackets, blended. She says, Duration of stay? A fortnight. Ah, one fortnight. Yeah. Very good. And now I will just need you to apply your signatures here and here. Okay. She spins it around, holds the book to the… The side and kind of pushes it forward. And I sign Gerbo Willies.

I grab the feather and get like a flashback. Yeah. What does he see? What does he see? My hair swells up a little bit. A little crackle in my hair. So, I'll ask you. What do you see? I see an epic battle. Whoa. A big battle. Talons clashing in huge clashes. In huge thunderous… Oh my god. Clashes of clash. Spinning thunderbirds through the sky. Causing a tornado with lightning. Boom, boom, boom. And feathers everywhere. And this one after they like shoot across the sky.

Streaking this big tornado. Then there's a big downy feather falling down onto the beach. And a woman coming and picking it up. Fucking cool. Wow. Wow. It's like the end. The end of the beginning of Forrest Gump. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. He's got those goosebumps. Abdul might be sick actually. Oh, Jessica's got some goosebumps please too. Just one. You got goosebumps? Yeah, I got goosebumps. Cool. I feel the prickles though. Fuck yeah.

Your vision flashes back and you're staring into the eyes of this middle-aged woman. And in his eyes you can see like little crackles. Little dark specks in my retinas. Oh. Yeah, and you've kind of got that after-image after like looking at a bolt of lightning. Yeah. Yeah. So what do you sign? Oh yeah. Uh, Jeffrey Tambor. . Pretty good. Captain. And then he goes back and goes, Captain. Captain Jeffrey Tambor. Yeah. Wonderful. Star of stage and screen, Jeffrey Tambor.

Captain of the Colonel Mustard. . She says, very good. Thank you very much. Now the only matter is of course the docking fee. Oh, okay. We were told that we could waive it if we promised a portion of our earnings. To whom? Uh, the customs master, of course. You are speaking to the customs master. Hey. Hello. What is your name? My name is Madame Pufferton. Oh. . What's your name? . Ah, yes. So. . Yes. The mortgage fees. Right. The duration of stay is a fortnight. Mm-hmm. Which is 14 days.

And the mortgage fee is five coins per day. Okay. That's. . 70 coins. 70 coins. . I. Can we. . Can we stay for like two days? Can we change it? . Can we stay for two days? The Colonel Mustard would be ejected from port at the end of those days. That's fine. Great. We'll find out. On threat of impounding. Great. Wonderful. Where do you guys impound your ships? Uh, we send security personnel to secure the personnel. And then we move the ships eventually when we have time. Yes.

To the customs dock, of course. That's Pier 49? Ah, yes. Okay, cool. Who's it? Just that dock out there, Don? Yes, just behind me. The impound dock right there? Well, yeah. Vink, do you want to pay for two days? And then. . Yeah. Two. We'll just try and offload everything in two days. It's being a nickname of sorts. Oh. Yeah. It's like, sir. It's a. . You use a multiple personality disorder. All right. It's a. . Y'all motherfuckers got to roll.

Because you have been lying so much to fight Intra Charisma. Seven. Eight. Eight. Okay. She goes, ah, I believe I've become to understand. . I believe I've become to understand. . The situation. I am not. . First dealing with smugglers and criminals. I just think there needs to be something in it for old Madam Pufferton. I would be willing, of course, to waive the mortgage fee or any investigation of your so-called mustard wasps. Tuck just. . He like exhales. He's like, ah.

And he pulls his pants down. . Oh, please. . I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Oh, my. . Oh, my. Oh, my. Oh, my. Oh, my. Oh, my. Oh, my. Oh, my. Oh, my. Oh, my. Oh, my. Oh, my. Oh, my. Oh, my. Oh, my. Oh, my. Oh, my. Oh, my. Oh, my. Oh, my. Oh, my. Oh, my.

Oh my god this is christ wait this is a distraction okay I like for ving yeah this is a distraction because we want to look through the uh the registry book and just get like the location of the aimless which dock it's on and like yeah like where its cargo is and which dock it's on yeah yeah so what you think happens here I want to roll to distract her with this enough so that ving can like surreptitiously like whip through the book and get the information we need okay instead of just like being like we'll be right back and then looking yourself this is what I chose billy's outside with his binoculars like there it is oh yeah actually let's cut back while talk is like okay we cut back to billy billy's on the street what's billy up to billy's on the street what's billy up to billy's on the street what's billy up to billy has uh wedged out the crystal piece from the sidewalk because he's small and no one notices him yeah you are gonna have to roll to like make it work though yeah um what do we think this would be I guess maybe tricks of the trade yeah um so billy pulls out his beautiful blue blanket uh-huh um and just drapes it over himself oh right you have a camouflage thing yeah right okay yeah so he's just camouflaged just like a little lump of rock uh and yeah so two d6 plus dexterity I think for tricks of the trade to cut out a proper section oh whoa holy shit I got of course as usual I got 13 points wow and so arrogant today I know I love it no I love it it's a new energy being brought to fat billy and so what billy does is he uses like the little the pick in his hair and with his little fingers he wedges the the crystal out of the sidewalk and he just squeezes himself in he's like and it pops back down he shits while it's happening yeah a little bit but it's just it's small and it's just in his underwear so it's fine yeah that's where that shit goes and uh the crystal piece just plops back into place so then billy pops out underneath this crystal panel and he lands on a wooden crate yeah um it's a big pile that I'm on and yes look around it's a big warehouse full of crates bottles casks and I climb down is there anyone in the room you hear like boot steps but there's no one nearby you can see like the light from torches and lanterns in various parts of this very wide open room it's got pillars spaced out evenly to keep the roof up yeah and there's people down here I was thinking the goods are kind of like collected together with banding around them with the name of the ship oh yeah can I tell you what I imagined the warehouse was like it was like a huge warehouse and I was like oh yeah it's a huge warehouse to look like yeah of course so um the warehouses are all in a line and it's just along the shoreline so the ship unloads directly into the warehouse and there's like yeah it looks like a squat flat like long building made of a boring brown wood they've carved each room took a lot of work they really could have done it cheaper but they carved each warehouse room out of the rock yeah and have left the warehouse and they've carved the warehouse a wide ledge for cargo and people to walk and it is not a flat building it is a beautifully crafted as if dwarves did it themselves they call it a warehouse I like that just this jessica is using her like superior like visual imagination to flex on us so hard I'm flexing really hard yeah I do like the idea that the ships can just back in to like right against the opening of the warehouse that's a cool idea um so uh yeah billy's looking around he can't read anything um so he's just like I don't know what any of this is so he he's remembering the letters he remembers rub-a-dub-dub in the tub of love and he's trying to find like those letters and other things and he's like peeking in and he sees stuff yeah you're gonna have to roll to find the crate because this is a big warehouse so this will be a discern realities probably all right he's like me me me 26 he fails it's six oh boy um well you mark a point of experience for failing and uh you are standing in front of this box being like cut like trying focusing so hard on reading like m e okay I know what those two are you realize that you're so focused and then right behind you there's torchlight you turn around and there's this like jackbooted dude that's just like what are you doing down here and he grabs you oh no it's jackboot you've just run a file of customs officer jackboot so stupid uh yeah and then cut to uh tuck in ving ving jumps behind the counter and covers her eyes and he's like tuck what are you doing pull your pants up and is reading over his shoulder looking at the registry okay yeah tuck was gonna roll to distract oh yeah so that'll be the role and if he can pull off the distraction then you can pull off finding the register pull off his pants so this is what they're around my ankles right now Defy danger.

He's just whipping it around like a lasso. Sorry, everyone. I'm apologizing to our listeners. This is foul, what I'm doing. Foul. But yet, I do it still. It's because it makes sense to the character, everybody. That you created. Six plus. Charisma. So, seven, eight. Okay, so here's what happens. Fing jumps behind the counter and covers the madam's eyes. Yes. He goes like, I'm so sorry about my friend. I can't believe that he's doing this. And you're peeking at the registry.

She's looking through the crystal hand. Yeah, exactly. Ooh, la la. And you do see the name of a ship called the Aimless Wanderer. And you see it said, Pier 49, Dock 13. And then it was crossed out. And right next to it, now it says, for auction. It said that it was in the pier, but now it's apparently been moved to some sort of auction facility. Okay. Yeah. He takes a hand. Pull your pants up. For cripes sakes. I pull my pants up. She's a woman, a madam. I'm sorry.

I thought that was what you were hinting at, that you wanted from me. The Mechalees have a heck of a barter system. I never. I am merely a corrupt customs official. I'm not a monster. You are most certainly not. Now, I must insist that you either pay me my required bribe, or you get out of here. Yes, of course. Get out of my face. Okay. Well, okay. Okay, here. Here's your bribe. Okay. And our ship is in I'll repair. It is hardly a sound vessel.

Do you know, is there an auction, a ship auction around here? Do you have, as he's counting through the money and handing her the money? Yeah. So how much, how much you giving her? What was it? 10 coins. 10. For two days. Yeah, for two days. And she says, well, I mean, this bag is feeling a little light. Perhaps for. Okay. A docket or two. Two more. I could give you the information. Would you take two more coins? These are gold. That is true. All of the money is gold.

Clink, clink, clink, clink, clink, clink. Yeah. All money in the principalities we've established is made of gold. Oh, my God. That's it. Don't. That's my bribe. Get it out of your filthy mouth. She says, yes, okay. Well, I shouldn't be telling you this, but as I am corrupt, there's an auction tomorrow at 12 noon. 12 noon for various vessels that have been confiscated by the militia over the last fortnight or so.

We will be making back some of the money that we have lost having to staff this place constantly due to the duration of the sunset. Okay. Is there a place we can go and check out the vessels before the auction? The vessels? Like a show area? A viewing. Yeah, a viewing area? Yes. That could. I suppose you could go look if you'd like, but they are under incredibly stiff guard. How stiff are they right now? Yes. He says, leaning on the counter.

She winks at you and says, I don't think I have to tell you. She says, the auction house can be found at the other end of the bay at Pier 1. Imports. Perfect. Now, please leave. Sure. Can I use the head for a second? Get out. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. And you guys head back outside. Well, as we're going out, we're just trying different doors to see which one is the bathroom. Because we've been blocked enough times that we're like, what are they hiding in there? These people are corrupt as fuck.

Yeah, the bathroom's got to be like some magic place. Oh, here it is. It's just a hole, and it goes right down into the water. And we're like, hello! And we cut to Billy and the customs officer. And we cut to Billy and the customs officer that has him by his cape. And he's like, what are you doing down here, you little rascal? We don't take too kindly to thieves in Crystal Bay. And you hear from basically right behind you, there's an opening that goes to the ships that usually back in.

And you hear Tuck and Ving going, hello! And I think that's where we're going to end it for this week. My name is Sean O'Hara. I've been your Game Master. With me, as always, playing Tacoma Dome, the Barbarian Abdulaziz. Goodbye. Playing Ving, the Half-Elf Druid. Paul Oppers. Bye-bye. Playing Fat Big. And Billy, the Halfling Thief. Jessica Tai. Bye-bye. Thanks to Aaron Reed for our intro and outro music. Thanks to Wes for all the technical work. Thanks to Abdul for editing.

Thanks to our Patreon supporters for supporting us on Patreon. You can find us at patreon.com slash speltlore or speltlore.com slash money, please. And thank you to Adam Coble and Saves Latour for creating Dungeon World for us to play. You can find that online by searching Dungeon World. And thank you so much to all of you for listening. We'll see you next time. And so ends the tale of Adventures Three, who tried the best they can.

Though dumb and scared and lost they be, for time's abreast in revelry. And though our journey may be like a conclusion, we will not leave you without a reason. We'll return next week to hear some more. Whilst you commute or do your chores, and for you I gladly Spout Lore.

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers half-elf, he shifts his shape and wields a spear with great might Peely's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends, and listen close For the tale's about to start Nice job.

Welcome everybody, welcome to Spout Lore. I'm your game-master, Tim. I'm your game-master, Sean O'Hara. And it's a beautiful November morning. With me as always, playing Tacoma Dome, the barbarian Abdulaziz. Hello. Playing Ving, the half-elf druid, Paul Oppers. Hello. Playing Fat Biddley, the halfling thief, Jessica Tai. Hello.

When last we left our heroes, they had infiltrated the customs house of Crystal Bay at the behest of Ruby Tunesday, pirate queen of the Sea of Graves, or so she has led you to believe. While looking for the box of cosmetics that the pirates had asked you to recover from, Billy was caught by the scruff of his neck by customs official that we had decided was named Jack Boot, a very classic lantern-jawed, British sort of tri-corner hat guy with a long coat and a stubbly chin.

And he has a love of Harlequin novels. It's a secret that he keeps. Many people do in this reality, it would appear. It feels like they're the only books that exist. There's one person that figured out printing, and he's a real man. He's a real man. They figured out printing, and they only print their own erotica. Yeah. A magazine in novel form. Yeah. Mud affairs and that. Yeah. The person just makes as much erotica and pornography as they possibly can, and no one can stop them.

They make three things. Mud affairs, Golf Digest. Also porn. There's a cooking magazine. There's some porn in there. There's also porn. And then, yeah, the Harlequin novel, the Love and Lust series. And Lust Unbound. And Lust Unbound. There's a sequel of which, hopefully coming soon. We can only pray. And Ving and Tuck had been in the Customs House, which is one of the most beautiful structures in all of Crystal Bay. Gorgeous. I'm sure we can assure. Thank you.

On the former site of a bulldozed piece of shit building. From the Soviet era. From the Soviet era. Classic, brutalist Soviet architecture. Ugly, but culturally significant. H widz. Barely significant. There was literally no pushback on getting rid of the old building. None of you came to my aid in any way. They tore it down because of how many suicides happened inside of it. Like, whoa, God, people keep coming here.

And I don't know if they're killing themselves in here because it's convenient or the building makes them kill themselves. We got to build something better. You know what? Now that I think about it, it might have been haunted. And upon leaving and bribing the customs administrator, Madam Pufferton, they had been told that the bathroom was for employees only. And on their way out, broke into the bathroom, finding a hole that goes right into the ocean, through which they started screaming hello.

And Billy was alerted to the presence of his friends, at least somewhat nearby. And that is where we find ourselves now, is Billy hanging by the scruff of his neck. In front of the face of a furious customs official and Ving and Tuck screaming into a toilet. Billy, what do you do? Let me go, sir. I am. I am. The mayor. The mayor. Standard. He's panicking. Are you going to? Is Billy going to actually try and convince him that he's the mayor? All right. 2D6 has charisma. Old faithful. Oh, my God.

Not bad. I got nine. So he does not believe you're the mayor. He knows who the mayor is. He just is like, what are you doing in here, you little scoundrel? I know you're not the mayor. Are you lost? Where are your parents at? Yeah. Sorry for the lie. I just I didn't know what to say. Yes, I am lost. And I my parents, they went to they went to go look for their ship. I'm taking you to the security. I'm going to the security office. Oh, please. Just let me out.

He starts taking you up like that's the that's the seven to nine is he's not going to like fight you. I start kicking around a bunch. Okay. And screaming. Uh huh. Ving and tuck through the hole in the toilet. You hear what is Billy screaming? Let me go. This is indignant. I am being manhandled. And is Billy trying to escape? Sure. Rolling to scream. I don't know. I was rolling for my kicks. Yeah. My kicking. Is that a thing that I can do? Yeah, totally. I think that makes more sense.

Seven to nine is not enough to get out of Jack boots. Iron grip. That's fine. But Ving and tuck. You do hear Billy screaming for help. Is that Billy? That sounds like Billy. Why is Billy in a toilet? Does it matter? No, it doesn't. And I so I take the axe off my back and I like start smashing through the floor of the of the toilet. And I'm like, this is probably why it's for employees. Oh, my God. Okay. Five is your strike. 13.

So, yeah, you swing back and it's like a wood box, basically, with a hole in it. And just one swing crushes a huge hole. And now you're on a like one foot wide strip of floor and there's just a hole into the ocean. The bits of board fall into the waves and splash, splash, splash. And there's a bowl full of mints. And I take those. I take all of my jam in my pocket. What pocket? My butt. The only pocket that the Lord gave me. And what do you just jump in? Yeah. Hopefully the tides in.

Oh, get roll me one of those D sixes. One to three. It's in four to six. It's out. Four. It's out. Damn it. We landed on a pile of shit like mud and garbage and stuff. Yeah. But it's not too far. The ship pile would be pretty soft. Yeah, that's true. It's a soft little pile of shit. Soft. So Billy Jack boot is like dragging you bodily through the warehouse and you see as you swing like you're spinning around because he's holding you by a strip of fabric.

And as you swing to look towards the ocean out one of the stone archway openings, you just see tuck and fall. And you hear smash. I landed in a bunch of shit. It smells like people have been eating only pizza. It's cold. It's very soft. Still too soft. This shit did not break my landing. Jack goes, what in the dickens was that? Yeah, we should go investigate. Let's go. Let's go, Jack. Billy and Jack all the way. Classic Billy Jack adventure coming up here.

He's still holding Billy, but Billy's like walking in the air. Like when you bring a dog to a bath and the dog starts paddling. Yes. Walk faster. He pulls a handkerchief out of his pocket and shoves it in your mouth. That's enough. I don't give you a little scoundrel. I spit it out immediately. Go fuck you. What a little shit. Billy's a real problem for anybody. That's not the two of you. It's definitely the sugar. Yeah, I had a lot of stuff for ice cream. Yeah. So you hear Billy and a deep.

Scratchy voice from above you. Not too high. Maybe like eight to ten feet above. There's like a ledge of stone, but you do hear Billy's voice. What do you guys do? I'm going to jump up on the ledge covered in shit. Okay. Two to six plus strength for experience. Six. I have like shit boots on. They're heavier than I thought. Yeah. All my marinos covered in poop. Are you going to eat him? No, I think because Tuck would be jumping at the same time. Okay. Yeah. So great.

I see a one and then the other one fell on the ground. So three sick. My strength is two. So that's six. Wow. It's almost like if one of you might have aided the other one that both of you would have been in a better spot instead of both perfectly failing. Okay. I think what happens is you both like you jump. You slam into the wall. Then you hit the ground and Tuck is like scrambling up the wall. Like, like his little booted feet are like trying to get a foothold.

And it's just a fucking three stooges as slapstick routine as like Tuck tries to step and steps on things face and pushes himself up and being slips. And you do eventually get up over the edge. You haul yourselves into the warehouse. And as you're like, okay, we did it. You look up and you're looking right at the point of a sword. And this huge, like barrel chested guy in a long coat and a very like naval officer looking outfit with a tri-corner hat is holding Billy by the scruff of his neck.

And Billy's kicking his arms and legs. And he just goes, what do we have here? I were looking for the bathroom. We cut to the security office. The three of you are like bound. Well, the two of you, Ving and Tuck are bound to just heavy, wooden chairs that are sort of screwed into the ground with ropes around your wrists and your legs. Billy, you're in like a burlap sack that's cinched around your neck. So your arms and your legs are stuck inside this bag and they just have you on top of a chair.

And there's like a small little barred window that looks out onto the ocean. You can see the beautiful rays of the sunset, the gold and purple of the clouds and the glittering ocean. Probably getting kind of tired of this. Okay. At this point, it sucks. And Jack boot is standing there. He goes, what were you doing in my warehouse? What are you doing here? I work here. I'm a customs officer. I love actually just one moment.

And he knocks on the door and the slat opens and he goes, get Madame Pufferton. And I was going to say the same thing. And a few minutes later, Madame Pufferton walks in and she goes, Captain tumble. What happened? Uh, you denied us the use of the bathroom and look what happened. Yeah. If you think about this, this is on you kind of for having an employees only washroom. Yeah. If you had one for public use, we probably wouldn't have destroyed the employees. Only one. I'd like a comment card.

If you have any, please just like poop dripping off his nose. Tuck has crossed his legs and he's like, honestly, the facility, here, wait, you cross your legs. Your legs were tied. Uh, he breaks. Can I roll? Yeah, totally. Judy six plus strike. Uh, it's seven. It hurts so much. Okay. You cross your legs and you feel the ropes snap. Although you do get some pretty bad rug burn and you take a point of damage. Okay.

I crossed my legs and I'm like, I think the facilities at this customer's house, or you could call them that are a bit below our standards. Well, they are for employees and not for anyone that just wanders in and decides to punch a hole in the side of a building. Also, your security doesn't seem to be up to snuff. He like, you can hear his hand creak on the leather wrapped around the pommel of his cutlass. It says, Madam Pufferton, you've dealt with these fools before.

Oh yes, this is Captain Tambor of the Colonel Mustard. Our young captain, you have a great job. I'm going to go get some food. I'm going to go get some food. I'm going to go get some food. I'm going to go get some food. I'm going to go get some food. I'm going to go get some food. I'm going to go get some food. Our young boy here got away with us. Yeah, he's so curious. Yes, I just wanted to see more. And so I went, I ran away. He's a huge fan of shipping and distribution systems. He's autistic.

And he just wanted to see your warehouse. Someone's going to have to roll something to convince somebody who's leading this. Yeah, sure. That's the worst in line. Seven plus my constitution. Charisma. Charisma. Constitution. Believe. Not lie. Eight. Eight. That is a partial success, also known as a half failure. Oh. Listen, our time is money. We don't have time or money for this. Well, that's interesting because I find that my time is also money. If you get my drift. Jesus. Jesus.

Fucking Christ. What's wrong with you people? You're rich. We're in the industry of international shipping. There's a lot of shady shit that goes on here. Fuck. How much do you want to let us go? He goes, well, let's see. Three would be thieves and smugglers. Thieves? Smugglers would be criminals that could be tried by the justice system of Crystal Bay. We'd be turning a blind eye, wouldn't we, madam? She goes, oh, yes, we would. We would. So what do you say? 20 coins a piece, perhaps?

Oh, I'd say more like 30, my good man. Well, I'm not even a full grown person, so I maybe like, let's do five for me. Well, if you think about it from our point of view, you're but half a person. You're easily four. And you, you're, you're a half a person. You're a half a person. You're a half a person. I assume part elf. Oh, you son of a bitch. But mostly monster, if we're being honest. 30 coins a piece. That's the price. I'm going to say 15 total, not including tax or GST. And that's it.

That's my final offer. No more negotiation from the sack of potatoes. Holy shit. Can you describe the room? It's like 30 by 30. No, that's way too big. Wow. What a palace of a prison we're in. But that makes sense because of how beautiful. There's like Chris. There's like, there's like a light gold toilet. Yeah. Like hand washing station. Yeah. There's a lot of like really fine sculpture work. There's actually a three piece string band in the corner. No, this is like a holding cell.

Like it's what's a reasonable size. I'm bad at judging by 10, eight by 10. So it's pretty cramped because tuck takes up eight to those five, seven by five of that. So it's, you're all kind of just crammed it in these chairs. Like I said, there's one door very heavily barred. There's a small barred window that faces the ocean. Okay. And it's like a torch on the wall. It's not even a lantern. Okay. So, and what are the walls made out of? These walls are made out of stone. Okay.

The carved out of the caves. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. So it is in the underground area. Okay. So I go up to the, Oh fuck. They're made out of stone. What a stupid thing I just did. What I want to do is I want to like break out of my bonds and grab my ax and just like smash through the back wall of the building. Okay. Cool. Yeah. Yeah. So we'll make that a defy danger strength. Yeah. Okay. So, Oh boy. 10. Oh my God. Okay. So what you just like snap your ropes, just grab the ax and smash through a wall.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I kind of casually walk over to the table with my ax and I was like, Madam Pufferton, you're a slice. And I fucking suck at this. You are a slice. Is also what I, what Tuck said. And then I just, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, then I just like smash through the back wall, like out to the ocean. How far of a drop is it to the ocean? Well, it's underground. Like it's a, it's on the same level.

So it's like 10 feet. Not bad. Yeah. Not too bad. So there's just a massive hole in the wall and everybody starts moving. Like Jack boot starts drawing his sword. What do you guys do? I grab Billy. So I grabbed the bag, Billy. I kick things chair into Jack boot. In an attempt to make a small jump. Back then. Back then. Back then. Back then. Back then. Back then. Back then. Back then. Back then. Break the chair and free Ving. Oh, I see. Okay. That'll be another Defy Dangerous Strike.

That's a pretty cool move. Using Ving as a weapon to get him out of his bonds. Launch me. Nine. Nine. Cool. Anybody want to aid? I would love to aid. So 2d6 plus one for your bond. Nice. But you have two bond. So that makes it a what? That's a seven. Okay. So you're probably going to take Tuck's damage. Cool. Which is It's a d10. Oh. Easy. One. Small claps from inside the burlap sack. Yay, we did it. And Boot is slammed against the far wall with the door.

The chair shatters into a million pieces of things just laying on the ground on top of him. Fucking sick move, bro. So what do you want? Ving, what do you do? I grab my spear. What other weapons are there? Do we need to Billy's knives and grab the knives. Grab them all. Scoop them all up. Yep. All right. Slap him in the face for me. Somebody slap. Yeah, I'd love to slap him. You greedy son of a bitch. Plus strength for hack and slash, I guess. Eight. Which means that he you deal your damage.

Two. Two. Okay. And he roll a d10. Eight. Eight. Holy shit. Damn. Okay. So you he's like on the ground with his sword in his hand and you grab all the stuff. You slap him in the face. I say for Billy slap and he goes and he punches you right in the face with the like basket hilt on his sword and you feel your nose go. Oh, no, you son of a bitch. I just slapped you open hand. Oh, you people suck. And as he's like, it tastes like nickels.

Getting up off the ground and he's yelling guards, guards, guards. Oh shit. So what do you guys do? Oh, we jump out the back. Yeah. Yeah. And it's not it's not that far a fall. So you hit the ground and you're just running down the shore. I thought it went to the ocean. Yeah, but the tide is out. You're right. Swan dive. That's part of my fail. That's part of that five. So you guys all make a graceful dive out of the side of this room and land in low. He's like holds his nose.

Oh, you're just like like pulling yourselves out of the mud and you can hear guards guards and ding, ding, ding, ding people ringing bells and stuff. We run towards the water to get all the mud and shit off of us and swim away. The only way we can move faster and towards the boats. We need to get out there. Yeah, we have to get to pure one imports. That's where they come in. Yeah. So you guys are swimming in the water. Yeah, that's the plan. Yeah, has been removed from the sack.

Oh, yeah, I got out that pretty easy. Actually. Okay, you just chose not to. It was really comfortable. It would be stuck in the mud too. Yeah. Yeah, we we've been like kind of helping him sleep by putting him in like a sack because otherwise he flails around too much. He wakes himself up. His face with his fingernails. Yeah, we'll sit him into like a little sleeping sack. He'll just sleep in there. What a baby. So you're swimming through the water to the piers trying not to be spotted.

By the guards. Oh, I don't think we're trying not to be spotted. We're just going as fast as we can. Okay. Well, then I won't make that a role if you're just swimming openly through the ocean. Yeah, and we're openly screaming insults back at them. Wow, your shit smells like shit. I don't think your wife loves you anymore. Whoa, you can see Jack stop in a single tear rolls down his eye. The sunlight from the from the sunset glitters off the tears it rolls down his cheek.

So you swim out across the bay and there are piers all over the place so you can climb up whatever pier is nearby. I guess we just go to the closest. Yeah, the closest one is the one closest to the custom cells. We go to the next one. One pier up then just one pier further than that. Okay, so you hear the like slam slam slam of people running all over the piers because this bell is ringing because there was just a prison break. Is there any guards on the piers yet on the docks?

They all started running towards the customs house luckily. So you're swimming through the water. You're obscured by vessels of all shape and size from all manner of port around the world. Like are you basically swimming out to the end of a pier and then getting up? So you're as far away as possible from potential guards. That sounds great. We're trying to hide amongst the boat. Yeah, so you get on this pier. There are boats all over the place.

People are looking around confused because they keep hearing all these bells from the customs house. The guards have all ran run towards the shore to find out what's going on and you're here on a pier. What's your what do you do? Do you guys want to make disguises? Oh, yeah, I actually have disguise. Yeah, that's true. All right. So what's your what's your plan for disguising? What are you disguising yourselves as? So I guess what? There's positive shit all over the pier.

Various materials burlap canvas barrels of stuff. Oh my God, I'll be a barrel. Okay, I'll be a small barrel. Yeah, you find a small barrel. You crack open the top. You pour this kind of gritty black looking dust out of it all over the dock. Oh, yeah, and you've got a tiny little barrel. That's all right. Okay. Yeah, we put Billy in that barrel. I grab a cloak and then I stuff the barrel behind me and then I hunch over and I'm like, I'm a dirty, disgusting pig now. Pretty good, right?

Pretty good. Oh, I took a bunch of that grit gray stuff. Yeah, you took some of the black gritty powder that came out of the barrel. Yeah, threw it in a mason jar. Yeah, mason jars. Big one. Bing is kind of like a hoarder. Yeah. You have useful, awesome stuff. That's what a hoarder says. You have so much trash in these mason jars. It's all useful stuff. Like, look at this. This is a newspaper from November 15th, 1975. This guy looks like my dad. Kind of. That's useful to me.

What does Bing disguise himself as? Can I change myself into a wheelbarrow of dead fish? With shape changing? Absolutely not. There's no situation in which you've ever been able to turn into anything like that. Damn it. I would like to look like I'm a guard. What are they wearing? They're wearing, like, you know, the long coats. The long sort of naval officer coats with the clasps and all that. I found some of those. Alright. I put them on. Yeah, you try to approximate it.

So you've just got a bunch of materials. You drape them all over yourself and you give yourself a long coat hat look. Yeah, okay, so for this, this would be more of a Defy Danger charisma instead of dexterity to get to Pier 1 because you're using… You're using your disguises. So who's leading the disguise? Come with me, you ruffians. Wink, wink. You guys are cool. Wink, wink. Billy's my hunchback. 11. Yeah, perfect. So you're all rushing around as people are rushing around on the piers.

They're all connected in some spots, like side by side, so you sort of like Pac-Man your way through all these piers and docks. Yeah, and as we're walking, I'm like, I'm a disgusting, hunchback. Hello, everybody. And every once in a while, somebody sees you're disgusting, and they're like, oh, God. Don't look at me. My voice is changing a lot because I'm not good at voices. You know what? It wouldn't be so bad how he looked if he didn't smell like that. Oh, God.

Somebody's like, yeah, it's not even his face. It's not even the clothes. It's his face. His face is so disfigured. It's strange. And then I turn to Bing and Billy, and I'm like, do I look that bad right now? You look like you smell horrible. My feelings are really hurt. The smell wafts to somebody as you're walking by, and you hear them go… We all smell really bad, but you do smell pretty bad. You're taking the brunt of it, bud. Let's go back to the spa, and we can get pretty again. Yeah.

That's not a bad idea. Yeah. I'm not ugly, right? To Pier 1. And maybe 10, 15 minutes later, you get to the entrance of Pier 1, and I've scaled back the trying to look ugly, and I'm kind of being really friendly to people and be like, hello. Good to see you today. Somebody's like, wow, what a nice mutant. What the fuck is happening? That's the best you can get. Trust me. Is he like an orc or ogre or something? But you get to the entrance of Pier 1, and it seems like the guards have…

There's like patrols ranging across the docks and the shore and stuff, but Pier 1 is gated, because this is sort of the valuable ship zone. This is where they're moving everything for this auction that you guys heard about. So there's a gate, and there's two guards standing on either side of the gate with their arms crossed. What do you do? I guess we gotta be like, hey, I got this wretched old ship ship right, and he's gonna do some repairs.

Kindly step aside, fellow guards, for we will now conduct our work, which we've been tasked with. I need to hammer some boards into the ship's sides to keep the water from going in. Okay, somebody roll something to convince these guys. 2d6 plus Christmas. Nice. Nine. I could use a hand. Billy, do you want to add? I'm in a barrel. You're in a barrel, yeah. I can't do anything. Okay, so you're aiding? Yeah, I'm trying to really sell that I'm a shipbuilder.

And I'm like, my favorite things are hammers and glue, and then when ships go up and down, and not into the water. Not under the water, but on top. Eleven? Yeah. Yeah, great. These guys know nothing about boats. So they narrow their eyes at this motley pair in front of them. And one of them goes, you should get your uniform looked at, my friend. It is looking a little threadbare. I will surely do that. Okay, make it quick. The auction is going to be in a few hours.

Where's that auction going to be again? It's going to be here at Pier 1 in a few hours. I was trying to say. And he unlocks the gate and you're allowed into Pier 1. And boy, are the vessels in Pier 1. A beautiful. There's a lot of really nice pleasure craft. Some low kind of catamarans. If you guys want me to describe some cool boats, I can do that. Can you describe three ships? One for each of us? One inspired by each of our personalities. Yes, please. Okay.

So there is one that is a little much. Hey. Who am I talking about? It looks like it was maybe like a military vessel at one point. Like it's sturdy. It looks strong, but it's since been painted. The whole hall is painted in very garish colors. There's murals all along the side depicting wrestling people like a lot of feats of strength. And it's got many powerful sails. And the name of the vessel is the strong boy. It's a real step dad kind of. Totally. Yeah. The next one in line.

Is it looks like an exploration vessel like it was like a riverboat and it is very earthy. It's a paddleboat like it's got rows of oars instead of sails, but it's got a bunch of like little sheds. It looks like on it and there's dried herbs all over the place and it's called nature's bounty. Hmm. And then there is a small and now for Paul's boat. And the other ship is small one with like a dark rich wood and it's painted with different phases of the moon along the side.

There's like gold like crescent moons and full moons and half moons. It's really low and sleek, but it looks like it's good for sneaking around and spying on people and gathering information, but you get this sort of sense that it was used for something more at some point in its life and it is called witch hazel. Cool. Yeah. And then at the end of that you see the aimless wanderer. It's got a big brass gut of a centaur hanging off the end.

You see its face is making this face that looks like and it is pretty sizable. It's like definitely a deep water trading vessel, but it looks like it's fast as hell. Sick. Yeah. I shed one tear as I peek through the barrel and I say goodbye to witch hazel. It's okay Billy. We can come back and like look at the witch hazel some more. Maybe after we're done. Yeah. Yeah, we promise. Okay. So what do you do? Oh, we get on. We go down below.

We talk to the guards like, hey, we're here to fix the ship. We gotta go. Can you get us to the rudder area? The propulsion area? Do you want above deck or below? Below, please. All right. Come with me. The guard leads you up the ramp and then down the stairs and now you're inside the aimless wanderer. Fuck off. Dismissed. You hear just a huge vent of air come out of this guy's nose. Okay. Well, I'll be nearby if you need me. What's your name? Remy. Lieutenant Remy. Well, Mr.

Lieutenant Remy, I'm gonna fix up this ship real good. It's gonna sell for a million coins. He works for the auctioneer. He's making sure everything's ship shape. Of the people that you've talked to in this subterfuge quest, Lieutenant Remy seems the least willing to put up with this. You can just see he's like, I hate these people so much. Okay. Well, I'll be nearby. So if you need anything, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, back up the stairs.

And you guys are left alone, at least for the moment, in the aimless wanderer. What do you do? Oh, yeah. I get out of the barrel. So what's the plan? Okay. We gotta steal the boat, right? Yeah. Okay. Is the Remy still on the boat? Yeah. There's probably, I'm gonna say, six people on this boat right now. Nobody's down below, though. There's like a person. You hear them. Rummaging around in another part of this deck. Should I, like, create a diversion to get all the guards off the boat?

Yeah, that's a good idea. Okay. Is the thing that Vig picked up a gunpowder? I don't know. What could it be? Is it a gunpowder? I will say out of character, yes, it is. Oh, let's discern reality. Yeah, discern reality. Discern realities. Maybe this germ. Or Spout Lore, maybe? I don't know. This would be a Spout Lore. Yeah, so 2d6 plus here. Intelligence. Nine. Okay.

So something interesting about this material is it's not super common, but you've heard that this has been used in conjunction with newly developed seafaring weapons. Like, this is a material that comes from another country. Like, it's found outside the principalities. It's extremely valuable. And it's shipped here in very small quantities. Probably about the size of a barrel is, like, easily a year's salary for a high-ranking military official. Oh, fuck. Oh, we dumped a lot of treasure.

We dumped so much. I was, like, jingling the jar, like, huh? Who's a hoarder now, motherfuckers? This is my nest egg. But yeah, so that's what you know, is that it's used for some kind of weapon. It's called blackpowder. Or is it… Do we have a cooler fantasy name for this? No, that's a great name. Dragon dust. Nail clippings. You get it from, like, dragons, though. Oh, yeah. You dry out their shit. I was gonna say…

Jessica, like, watching her face as she was pretty interested by the first comment, immediately disappointed. I was gonna say that it's said that in areas where dragons have laired their, like, deposits of it left over. It's scabs. Gross. They stick their scabs? They get scabs inside their mouth from all the fire. And that's what grows on them. We keep crusted off. One cool step forward and two gross steps back. Cherry! This was a big one. Too gross for me. No scabs.

So yeah, that's what you know. That is what Ving knows. Yeah, I'm pretty sure this is explosive shit. Guys, watch this. I have an idea about this powder. This is what I think it is. What are you doing? I'm pouring out a small smiley face of powder on the ground. Inside a wooden vessel. Okay. This shit's gonna explode. We should just use it. You're right.

I cut off one of my flaps and I pour an amount into the middle of it and I tie it up with a string and put, like, a string into it, like a fuse. Oh. And make three or four of those. Okay. For Billy's distraction. Yeah, okay. I rip a few pieces of wood. Off the ship. Sorry. You're apologizing to the ship. Just small pieces. Yeah, little, like, splinters and shit. Yeah. And I'm like, okay. Grab the satchels. I'm like, ahoy, captains, because I don't know how to say bye. Please wish me luck.

Good luck, Billy. You can do it. Okay. And you're gonna set these off on the dock? Yeah. Okay. So I'm gonna sneak. I'm gonna sneak out. Okay. 2d6 plus dexterity. Yep. I did it. I got nine. Nine. Okay. Can we help him sneak? Yeah. I'd say one of you could probably help by distracting somebody. Yeah. I'll head back up to find Remy to just be like, hey, Remy. Yes. He's, like, smoking. I was just wondering, is there… What happened to your accent? He blows out a big puff of smoke.

He's got a little pipe. He's got a little pipe. He's got a little pipe. He's got a little pipe. He's got a little pipe in his hands. And Tuck actually laughed. The laugh was Tuck. You gotta roll this bond, like 2d6 plus bond for Billy to distract. Eight. So, yeah, that makes it a 10 for Billy. You've got the attention of Lieutenant Remy. So is this your voice, or what's the situation here? All right. Here's the situation.

You know that old stereotype of, like, oh, shipbuilders and fixers have to be, like, these ugly crones? I don't think I do. Well, it exists. And so I have to get the job of, like, maintaining the ships for the customs house. I had to pretend to be a disgusting crone. I was pretending for that captain down there, Captain Tambor. I really need this job, so please don't tell him. Why don't you come over here with me for a second?

And he starts leading you towards the gangplank, and he's, like, talking to guards. Okay. He's like, hey, guys, come over here for a second. Okay. We got a weird dude over here. We got to figure something out. And that's what's happening while Billy is doing his bomb stuff. So what's Billy doing with the bombs? Is anyone around? Everybody's kind of being distracted by Tuck fucking up his negotiation thing. How close am I to the other boats? Like a stone's throw. Like a bomb's throw?

Is it a bomb's throw? It could be a bomb's throw. All right. How many bomb bags do I have? Four. Four. I have four bags. All right. What's the easiest one? What's the widest, easiest catching boat? The Witch Hazel. Oh, God. It kind of is, because it's, like, She's right there. Yeah, where you're at from the, like, back of the ship, it's just right down. I think about the future I could have had with the Witch Hazel.

And I grab my stick, and I give it a real good swipe on the wooden floor, and it lights, and he lights the bomb bag, and he gives it a throw onto the Witch Hazel. Okay. 2d6 plus dexterity. Nine. Nine. Okay. Yeah, Billy lights the bomb bag and whips it over the edge, and it sails through the air down onto the deck of the Witch Hazel, and there's a bit of a pause, and you're like, oh, oh, no, it didn't work. I throw another one to try to land it in there. Okay.

So I still have that wood lit, and I'm like, again. And as you throw that one through the air, you hear, boom, on the deck of the Witch Hazel. It just took a second to go off. Oh, shit. And you see a part of the little wall of the top of the deck, like, blow off, and then the other one hits and blows up again. Shit. Oh, my God. It lights something on the deck of the ship, so now there's, like, piles of canvas and rope and stuff that are starting to catch on fire. Oh, my God. And I feel alive.

I light the other one. Oh, my God. Hold the fuck on. Well, what I was going to say is, while you're like, wow, that's amazing, you realize you're still holding the burning stick, and you've lit both of the other fuses. Oh, shit, yeah. So now you've just got two burning fuses in your hands. What do you do? I lob the other one onto the other ship, the strong boy. That's hate to fight injured dexterity. So sick. I got a lippin. Yeah.

That one's quite a bit farther than the witch hazel, but you throw it over, like, sideways along the deck because the strong boy's on the other side from the aimless wanderer, and you hit the ramp that goes up to the top. As somebody's walking up the ramp, it hits the middle of the ramp and explodes and snaps the ramp in two, and a guy falls into the ocean. Sorry. And now people are… What do you do with the last one? I drop it onto the main piece, and I'm like, Oh, yeah, that's easy.

You don't have to roll for that. And that, like, blows up the side of, like, a little shed, and people are just fucking freaking out now because they don't even know what that is. Like, there's just huge noises. There's a fire on this one ship. This other guy fell into the water, and all the guards that are with the tuck right now are, like…

They all stop what they're doing while they're questioning you, and they look over the side, and they just start flipping, they all start running down the ramp, and everybody is trying to figure out what's going on, but the ship starts clearing out. Yeah, Bing starts, like, What are you doing down here, man? What the heck is going on? Get up there. Yeah. The guy who was rummaging. Totally.

And then goes up behind him and then just starts undoing ropes and pulling up the masts and doing all this stuff. So you're trying to do it super fast? Yeah. Have the guards all got off the boat? Yeah, the boat is clearing out. I'm gonna push the ramp. Yeah, so maybe give me a defiant interest strength. Sure. Not bad. Holy shit. I got ten. Ten? Oh, my God. So you put everything that you can into… Witch hazel! And you lift it, like, you lift this huge piece of wood, Billy. Holy shit.

You've never felt stronger. And it tips back just a little bit more and whoop, right over the side. Sick. Sploosh into the water. God, I'm powerful. And, Bing, give me a 2d6 plus dexterity to get the ship ready. Twelve. Damn. So, yeah, you run around. You haul ass. And, like, the sails, like, unfurl from the masts and they start billowing, but they haven't caught. So you'll need a significant wind to get the ship out of harbor.

And also, when the sails drop, you see, like, there is, like, the running form of a centaur in full bloom. Yeah. Like, on the sails. And the way they've done it is kind of like a rotoscope. So as they flap, it looks like it's running. Whoa. Yeah. Majestic. Yeah. There's a lot of, like, rolls. Yeah. Like, flapping. It's beautiful, really. Yeah. The thing you were saying is going to try and… He's going to elemental mastery. A big breeze. A gale.

When you call on the spirits, primal spirits of fire, earth, water, air, roll plus wisdom. On a 10 plus, choose two. On a 79, choose one. Oh, yeah. There it is. Eleven. So. So what do you choose? I'm going to choose the effect I desire that comes to pass. And you retain control. Okay. So the one that you don't pick is you avoid paying nature's price. Uh-huh. The sails billow for another few moments. And then snap full as the wind starts to pick up. It lurch. We lurch on back. It's like, ooh.

And you start pulling out a harbor. Ving, you're at the wheel, I assume. Oh, yeah. Totally. So cool. So, like, Billy and I look back and, like, Ving's like… I've got ropes tied to every body part. Whoa. Whoa. Because I'm, like, pulling off this one. And there's, like, things in my teeth. Holy shit. Yeah. And his, like, hair is, like, beautiful, like, gray hair is, like, flowing in the wind. Wow. And Billy and I are like, that's got to be the best pirate I've ever seen. So it would seem.

And we're, like, drumming him. A little help? Oh, sorry. I thought we were. And then we do it louder. Amazing. Yeah, none of us think to actually take a rope. Yeah, you're just dancing around singing a song. Like pirates. And as you're pulling out of the harbor, you steer it so you miss the burning wreck of the witch hazel. And you can feel the wind helping you here and there, pushing the ship a little bit further. Because steering a big ship by yourself, pretty tough.

And you see a bunch of guards run up Pier 1, jackboot at the head of them. And he's waving his sword. And he's like, get back here. I'll find you. And we call off the deck. We're like, it's literally impossible to stop these boats. And as you're pulling out, you move past and start into the open water of Crystal Bay. Then you feel alive. You feel like you've got a firm deck under you. You feel like you've got a firm deck under your feet. A taut line in your hand.

Hasn't been like this for decades, probably. No. Semi-tied at best. And the wind is… You're really starting to pick it up. It's moving. And you can feel the ebb and flow of the wind in the sails. And the wind's like… You can hear it. Like, yes. Yes. Explore purpose. So the wind fills the sails and pushes you further and faster. And begins taking you out of the water. Out of Crystal Bay. Into open water. You're out of control. This is nature's price.

And I think that's where we're going to end it for this week. My name is Sean O'Hara. I've been your Game Master. With me as always, playing Tacoma Dome, the Barbarian Abdulaziz. Goodbye. Playing Ving, the Half-Elf Druid slash Sailor. Paul Offers. Oh, hi. Bye-bye. Playing Fat Billy, the Halfling Thief slash Grenadier. Jessica Tai. Hello and goodbye. Thanks to Aaron Reed for our amazing intro and outro music. Thanks to Wes for all the technical. Thanks to Abdul for all the editing.

Thanks to Adam Coble and Sage LaTorah for making the game Dungeon World that you can find online. Thanks to our Patreon supporters. You can find our Patreon at patreon.com slash speltlore or speltlore.com slash money, please. And if you want your friends and other people around the world to learn about the show, feel free to drop us a review on iTunes or whatever podcast app you use. Thanks so much for listening, everybody. We'll see you next time. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

Return next week to hear some more Whilst you commute or do your chores And for you I'd gladly spout more

Okay, let's do the theme tune. Yeah. I can't put my phone. Let's just do it with our mouths and do the Pirates of the Caribbean theme. That's got to be the best pirate I've ever seen. So it would seem. Welcome to Spout Lore, everybody. We've been watching Pirates of the Caribbean memes, and we're ready to play a game of Dungeon World. I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara, captain of this here podcasting vessel. And to my left, first mate Abdul Aziz playing Tacoma Dome, the Barbarian. Hey.

And straight in front of me, first mate playing Ving, the half-elf, druid Paul Oppers. Hello. And first mate Jessica Tai playing Fat Billy, the halfling thief. Yes. So I thought you were going to say more. Nope, that was it.

And when we last left our heroes, they had successfully, quote unquote, stolen the aimless wanderer from Pier One through a series of very hectic events, including a jailbreak, swimming through a pier, finding gunpowder, accidentally pouring it out on the ground, hiding in a tiny barrel, dressing like a hunchback, and calling upon the powers of the winds themselves to steal a vessel, which has taken them out to sea.

And now wind, the spirit of wind that has helped you, does not want to give up control of the ship. And that is where we find ourselves now, on the deck of a pitching ship at sea. Ving is in control. Well, Ving was steering the ship until a moment ago. And Billy and Tuck have been watching, it would seem. And also doing the Pirates of the Caribbean theme. And stomping our feet and slapping our legs. Yeah. To give Ving moral support. Yeah. Is this helping?

This is helping a lot, but use some physical support as well. All right, let's do it. And we go up and we start rubbing his back and going, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Better, better. Thank you. Billy's just rubbing like his calf. Yeah, I'm rubbing the calves. So yeah. Ving starts going, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Please don't sue us, Walt Disney Company. Please don't sue us. Oh, wait, please do sue us. Yeah, we would love that publicity.

So yeah, Ving, what do you do? I drop the sails. Yeah, so you just run up and cut the line or whatever? No, no, I'm holding on the ropes. Yeah, and just untie everything. Yeah. Just let them fall. Okay. Yeah, so the sails all flutter down. It's sort of like an emergency thing where you just cut them all and they fall down onto the deck. And the ship is like skidding basically. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. With the residual energy from the wind.

And you feel the air start swirling around the deck, like fluttering your clothes and knocking things over. And Ving, you hear, this was not the deal. And wind is like whipping around harder and harder. Holy shit. Yeah, Billy, you're starting to like get lifted up a little bit off the ground. Billy language. Sorry, I just felt a barf in my mouth. And I didn't know how to keep it down. Ving, what do you do? Wind is perturbed. What is… Yeah, what does wind want? Yeah, what is…

What do wind want? The price was I get to take this ship and I get to sail around. And now you have robbed me of that. I mean, I guess I can talk to it. You sure can. We will… We owe you. Don't worry, you'll get your chance. Wind, you are the master here. We are but your sail servants. And you feel the wind get stronger and stronger as it whips around the deck. And you feel the ship start to creak back and forth. Well, these are pretty sturdy ships. These are pretty sturdy. Right?

Creaking more and more. It can handle a lot of wind, right? But not maybe capital W wind. And the deck starts pitching pretty aggressively side to side. So wind is like, what do you offer? What if we ride it out? Okay, we'll ride it out. To try and like sail this… Appease the wind. Like how long does this guy want to blow around for? You know what? That kind of makes sense. It's fleeting. Wind is fleeting. Yeah, wind would like kind of like blow us around. Yeah.

For a while and then like get bored with us. That's true. You know what guys? Tuck in for a sail. We're going for a rep. All right. I grabbed some of the ropes and I tie myself to the big mast. Not what I meant, but it looks cool. I'm not taking any chances over here. Yeah. Wind starts dragging the ship around. How is Tuck strapping in? I guess I'm helping Vig. I'm like… Yeah. I'm helping him like raise the sails again. Okay. I'm being… I'm not telling him what to do.

I'm showing him what to do so that he can sail. Yeah. And wind is now… Wind is starting to push the ship around in like… It's almost playing with the boat. Like you're saying, wind is fleeting and it's having a pretty good time and it starts pulling itself and the ship back towards the dock, like closer into the bay because it sees all these other ships with all these other sails that it could also have fun with. Oh, no. So it's like you're getting closer.

You're starting to go back towards Crystal Bay. There's less wind to be had in the bay. Can I parlay with wind? Absolutely. I will parlay with the wind. Shit. Four. Okay. So yeah, what happens is the ship start… The wind starts pushing you further into the bay and getting closer and closer to all the ships that are docked. And wind says like, you're no fun. There are further winds for me. And starts like blowing into the sails of all the ships in the bay.

And all of these start picking up and moving out of the bay. And you feel the wind in your sails like billow out as you're coasting like off to the side, basically just to the wards of the shore and all that like a handful, maybe a dozen boats of different sizes in the bay start picking up and being pushed out into the bay as you're left and you hear people shouting and screaming and people falling off of decks and stuff like that. But wind has left you for more fun times. Cool. Go ships. Yep.

And now the ships are leaving and there's a huge commotion in the bay. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Are we on the left side of the bay or are we near the pirates? If you're facing Crystal Bay, yeah, you're actually moving towards more the beach where the pirate cave is. Nice. Yeah. How do we get there? You're just moving towards like you're pointed at the beach being flung in that direction. Well, can we drop anchor? Well, I guess we could drop anchor. Yeah, you could. Or?

I was, I literally didn't even think of that. I was just like, hell yeah, we're just going to deliver it right to their doorstep. Yeah, exactly. Not like, oh, we're going to deliver it right to their doorstep. Oh, no. So yeah, what do you guys do? We know very little about sailing. Yeah. So what do you do? Well, yeah, do I think we do it. Bing does. We drop anchor. Okay. Yeah. Get the anchor. Sure. I untie myself and then I run to the anchor and I try to lift it.

So you run up and there's like a little latch at the bottom of this. A column with handles on the top. Yeah. And you run up and you just stomp on it and it goes click and the sail goes ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Oh, that's easier than I thought it was. I thought I had to lift it up. Never would Billy be able to do that. So you drop, drop, drop, drop, drop, drop.

And you hear it hit the bottom and the whole boat as it was going pretty fast when you dropped anchor just goes hold on tight. Boom. And Billy tumbles into something. Into the rails. Into the rails and roll the D6. One. Billy bonks his head and takes one damage. And you guys roll defy danger. Dexterity? Dexterity if you're just trying to keep your footing. Strength if you're holding onto something. Okay. Strength onto the wheel. Seven. Yeah. I'm not close.

I'm just kind of in the middle of the deck. Like a fucking ding-a-ling. Yeah, totally. Goes limp. I'm literally just like looking around being like, wow, the ocean is beautiful. Seven plus dexterity? Yeah. Is seven. Yeah. Okay. So Ving, you got what? I got seven as well. Okay, great. So yeah, just each of you roll a D6. Nothing too bad. Four. Oh my God. Three. Ving, you're thrown bodily into the wheel. Thing's in rough shape. I'm in really rough shape. How many hit points do you have left? Four.

Left? That's it? Yeah. You hear like your sternum like . Oh man. And Tuck, so how much damage did Tuck take? Two. Two. So he's just standing in the middle of the deck like, wow, this is crazy. And then the anchor catches and the boat lurches and he's just right on his face, like from standing to laying down in a second. Oh. But that's where you're at. Your boat is now anchored just off the bay. Cool. And there's a huge commotion going on at the docks. So yeah, what do you do?

We get in that little skiff and we go towards the cave. But before we go, should we like get rid of all of the markers that like would be like, hey, this is the aimless wanderer that we just stole? Oh yeah. Good. Wow. Great question. I mean, there's the fat centaur on top. The sails are all centaur-y. But we drop the sails. Yeah. And then what if we just smash the centaur up front? Yeah, I was thinking that. You could definitely do that. Yeah. Fuck it up a little bit.

Is that what Tuck is going to do? Yeah. It feels like. A Tuck move? Yeah. Okay. So yeah, I defy danger strength, I guess. 10. Yeah. That's a good one. I'm going to say 10. Yeah. That makes sense. So what does Tuck do? He just takes his ax and he smashes the centaur off the front of the ship. And it just tumbles down, sploosh, into the water. Whoa. A big, solid metal, really well rendered statue of the centaur. Hey, you got to spend money to make money. Yeah. That's what he says into the ocean.

And what are you doing with the name? Are you just hacking at the wood on the side? Yeah. I guess I'll just scrape at it. Can we change it? Can we change it into something else? Yeah. What can we change it into? What do you guys rename the boat? So it's called the aimless wanderer. Yeah. Lameless. Well, yeah, we could definitely make aimless just less. Uh-huh. Less dander. Yeah. I like that. Less dander. All right. Beautiful. Yeah. I'm leaning over this side and I'm like, less dander? Yeah.

Try that. Yeah. I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, Oh, great. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Fat billy and the boys tacoma dome and ving the half elf druid oh god I'm sorry it's okay you don't have to bring race into it oh you're right yeah we have explained to billy multiple times not to do accents to people's faces do it behind their back I'm sorry where we can all laugh at it just seems like they might like me more if I do their accent yeah and he kind of does you know the guy comes out he's got a little punch on him he's like ah you be you little one yes I love your voice and he scoops you up why thank you and then I look at you guys like see it's like I I take it your job has been a success we have heard many rumblings from the decks we point to the aimless wanderer right in their bay my word the less dead a ship I have not heard of but one that we are more than more than happy to excuse me hey sorry is ruby home yes thank you come on in boys takes you into the caves and ruby is um not on her throne she's in like a a workout room doing vocal warm-up yeah she's singing and she's got her sword she's doing like sword forms and also singing some mccollan song and it's very so I'm gonna go ahead and do that and then we'll see you in a minute stylish the more practical fighters amongst you realize this might not be the most effective fighting style but it's certainly pretty it looks a lot like stage combat yeah you see like people rush at her from the edges of the room and she goes and they go whoa and then she does that classic lady sword fighter in an action movie thing where she goes and points the sword down at the ground and looks over her shoulder at you she goes ah I see you have returned oh I see you see us she looks at us and there's like a pause where we're just like and she smiles and she wipes a little sweat off her head and she grabs a a water bottle pops the top spray some in her mouth throws it on the ground have you been successful in returning my vessel to me yeah yeah yes were there any complications along the way yes there was a bunch so many complications along the way there was a bunch of complications along the way there was a bunch of so many problems.

You made us steal a fucking boat. We're pirates now. You were pirates. This is how piracy began. Theft begets theft begets adventure, my friends. And the cosmetics? Oh. Oh. Fuck. You're gonna have to get those yourself. We cannot go back there. They know our faces and our names. I can tell you which hidey hole it's in, but I cannot take you there. That's not bad. That's not a bad compromise. She sheathes her sword and throws it on a bench. She goes, that was not our accord.

I thought it was, if you can get the cosmetics, get the cosmetics. I don't think I would agree to something so foolish. I think you did, though. Either way, we didn't get the makeup, for Christ's sake. Yeah. But you returned the ship. And you can just get more makeup. It will take many moons to replenish our stores. We will have to disappear many more spa workers from the Emerald. That will be difficult in itself.

But I suppose, with a ship in my employ once more, my work will be somewhat easier. Though, thanks to you, not at all. Excuse me? We got the boat back to you. We did all the hard work and embarrassed ourselves. Look at Tuck's face. Am I ugly now, for some reason? You're covered in shit. Did I become ugly somehow? Tuck's getting really self-conscious about this. Do not feel too bad about yourself. Beauty is a subjective quality. That's something you say to ugly people.

Why is everyone treating me ugly now? Tuck, you're a very good friend. You're so generous. And you seem like you are very fit. What? What is happening? What changed? Nevertheless, our deal is half done. Which means that I will do half of your task for you. Our agreement was? We will steal the ship and slash, or the cosmetics. And you get our friend Allison out of Crystal Bay. Secretly. Hmm. What do we think? What's her halfway? Half of Allison. You pick top or bottom, left or right.

That's psychotic. She thinks for a moment, and then she's like, I will do this for you. Out of the goodness of my heart, for fellow warriors, fellow peoples of the world, we will transport your friend. We need time to ensure that our vessel is seaworthy and that the heat dies down, as it were. I've heard many tales from the docks and the piers. Customs officer Jack Boot is on your tail.

That is not something that I wish to dip myself into, so in two days' time, we will take your friend from these shores. Thank you. Sounds good. In exchange for spiriting your friend from these shores into safety, six months' service as part of my crew. Six months? Six months? Service? Jesus fuck. We've actually never had a real job. Yeah. Wait, six months doing the same thing? Jesus Christ. But half a year? That's like my whole life. The traditional service is three years.

Oh my god, I'll be dead by then. That seems like a lot. Maybe like two weeks? Your time for negotiating has long passed. No. Feels like we're negotiating. We're still here. Where are we going? Where I will. How about you and I? Square off. Mono a mono. And if you win, we'll do the full six-month stint. And if we win, we'll do a cool easy two weeks where we don't have to do much hard labor. Kind of like a sort of a summer camp sort of a situation.

Yeah, where we do fun activities and we have afternoon naps and then we go for our morning swims. And we, you know, kind of like… You guys kind of take care of most of the cooking. It's like a workcation. Yeah, and we don't do much cleaning because we also don't make a lot of mess. It's kind of like a live-work kind of thing. You stay out of our way, we'll stay out of yours. And you'll kind of show us around. You can show us the ropes, but we don't touch the ropes. Yeah. Unbelievable. Okay.

You gotta roll a parlay. Oh yeah, that's a parlay. Fuck me. Okay. This is eight. Two charisma's two. Damn. Okay, she… She agrees. She's like, single combat is the way of pirate law. Many a decision has been made at the edge of a blade. Do we have to use blades or can we just do open? No, yeah. She doesn't want to kill you. She doesn't want you to kill her. What if she has those practice sticks? Oh, training staff. Oh yeah, totally. Hell yes. Yeah, yeah. Bow staff. Sure.

Classic Robin Hood and Lil Jon. I think that you can agree that both of us is much more valuable living than dead. Yes. So this will not be a fight to the death. Preferably not. Perhaps a fight… Especially because if you kill me, I can't serve six months on your ship. Yes, and if you kill me, I'm dead. And that sounds awful for me. It's not that bad. And she walks over. She's very, very like saunters over to a rack of weapons. And she quickly grabs two staffs and she throws one to you.

I catch it. Oh, I thought it hit you in the back of the head. Yeah. She walks over and walks over to the rack and you turn around like, I'm going to fight her. And as you turn around, she throws it at you. Bang. Ow. And you see like a short little pirate that's in the room, like one of her guards run out and then you hear him go, Morpheus! Morpheus! Morpheus! Morpheus! Morpheus! Morpheus! Neo! And everybody runs back.

And the room starts filling up with other Crystal Bay pirates like, oh my God, they're going to fight. Oh my God, he's going to fight Ruby. Oh my God, nobody's fought Ruby in years. No one dares to fight Ruby. They're all getting in my way. So I'm like trying to get to the front. So I'm like, I can't see. It's a lot of calves. You're climbing up Milton. Milton, get over here. You dumb little bitch. Okay, so I like, I take off all my gear. Like I take off my little backpack and I throw it to Bay.

And then I take my axe and I throw it at Billy. And I take off my loincloth and I throw it to Milton. That's such a dumb joke. No, it's great. And I, yeah, I get into like a fighting stance. Are you nude right now? Yes. Okay, everybody's like, oh. And I'm like, I hope you don't mind. I fight better nude. I hope you don't mind. I will be clothed. And she twirls her staff very impressively. Oh, like does one to the side behind the back.

And she does that cool, like leader of the parade thing where she throws it up in the air a little bit. It goes, poof, catches it with one hand. I look at these guys and I'm like, fuck. He helicopters his dick. So upsetting. She looks away like, come on. This is my art. And Billy looks at Ving. Oh, I was just saying like, oh, he's fucked. Language, Billy. Billy started taking bets from like. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. People are like, there's money changing hands right now. There's a huge hubbub.

Yeah. I'm going to have to bet for Ruby. Holy shit. Cold blooded. Billy, you piece of shit. I'm sorry. I'm just trying to get us as much money as we can. That is demoralizing. Like everybody's seeing how huge Tuck is, but the odds on Tuck winning are still like three to one. Okay, I'm going to bet. Place bets for both. Cover your odds. I want to do this. How much are we betting? Well, I don't think I have money. Oh, okay. So you're betting. Hold on.

You're just betting things Billy has in his backpack. Yeah, exactly. Okay. We have lots of money. No, I'm betting things I have. Okay. Billy, sometimes he goes in his pocket and he picks up weird shit. I bet this feather on Ruby. And then I bet these three purple rocks on Tuck. And Milton's like, okay, so if Ruby wins, you get two feathers. Yes. And if Tuck wins. You get six, nine, nine purple rocks. Six rocks. Can you do math? No. How much did you? I put three purple rocks.

And three to one means that you get three times your bet back. Oh, I didn't know that. It's okay. You're small. Any other bets? Any other bets? Yeah, I got 20 bucks on the big guy. Okay. Thanks, buddy. And that means a lot to me that you bet on me. And Ruby's like, betting is now closed. The fight begins. And she starts, like, circling. Okay. I want to use war cry. When you enter the battle with a show of force, roll plus charisma. On a 10 plus, you get both of these effects.

On a seven to nine, you only get one. Your allies are rallied and take plus one forward. And your enemies feel fear and act accordingly. Okay. Two to six plus charisma. Six plus. Two is eight. Okay, cool. So you got a partial success. So you get one of those. My enemies feel fear. Okay. So what is Tuck's war cry? And what's the show of force that he… Like, you have to do something like, I'm crazy. So it's the kind of thing where there's mirrors on one side of the room.

Like, as there is in a standard dance studio. And I was like… Thank you for setting that up. I'm like, blood feet rules. I run at the mirrors. And I run up the wall, smash the mirrors. And I try and kick off to land. And I'm like, I'm gonna get on my feet. Uh-huh. You don't have to roll for that. Defy Danger Dexterity? No, you did. This is the war cry. This is your show of force. Okay. So I kick off the walls. And then I land in, like, the superhero crouch. The Iron Man three-point landing?

Yeah, totally. It is technically four points because your dick is touching the ground. Great. Everybody scatters out of the way as you run towards the mirror. And you do this flip and Ruby's just… Just standing there with the staff in her hands like, oh, boy. So now she's, like, demoralized. She's like, this guy's dangerous. I have to be careful. Yeah. And he likes blood feet, which is objectively shitty music. Yeah. She's heard blood feet. She's like, they're bad. They're really bad. Okay.

So yeah, roll your hack and slash. 11. Roll your damage. Two. So she's holding back. She walks backwards a few steps. She's kind of keeping you as far away as she can right now. Mm-hmm. Making little jabs as you come at her. But what do you do? I do, like, kind of like… Samurai run in. Mm-hmm. And since it's kind of, like, the first hit, I'm, like, testing her reaction time. So I charge her using my intimidation advantage that I have. Yeah. As I run past, I smack her on the back of the calves.

Oh, yeah. To, like, try and buckle her knees. Yeah. And you hit her in one of her legs, like, in the back of one of her knees. And she goes down, but she turns it into a roll and, like, rolls up and then gets back on her feet and jumps around. But she's like, fuck, that hurt. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And I'm like, is there anybody that bet on Ruby now that they've seen Tuck, like, thunder across the room?

Like, when Tuck charges, I imagine it's very scary. Yeah. Because it's just like, boom, boom, boom. You can hear people being like, what was it, three to one on him? Oh, fuck. Yes. So what's going on with Billy while he's watching this? Well, I'm really excited because I'm looking at my feather like, can't wait to get some more. And Milton's like, oh, Billy, you might want to get ready to make some room for some more rocks. This guy's pretty scary. No, I don't care about the rocks.

I'm really interested in the feather. Okay. And what's Bing doing? He's just like, screaming, we're going to be rich, bitch. 60 more coins to our huge pile of coins. It's going to be amazing. Okay. Roll your hack and slash. Holy shit. Oh, boy. Whoa. What? Critical. 12 plus two is 14. Yeah. Roll your damage. Seven. Oh, boy. So what I do on this one is it's another charge. And I faint like I'm going to do like kind of the same move again. But I instead like go slide on my knees.

And then after I pass her, I kind of like turn around and get up and kick her in the bag while doing a air guitar riff on the practice. What a fucking loser. This is so cute. The one thing that she does do because she's really fast. So as you kick her, she realizes that you're trying to get behind her again because that's what you did the first time. Yeah. So she like is able to get face forward. But you kick her. She's like right in the like torso. Holy shit.

And she does that slide where she's got both her feet on the ground, but she slides backwards like six feet. Holy. She's just like. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Are you okay? And actually, I think she takes that like as you're as you sort of do this thing like, oh, are you all right? As you've done this thing, she just darts forward and gives you a crack on the cheek. You don't take any damage because it's just like she. I want to. Oh, do you want to take her full damage? Yeah. What is her damage?

It's 2d 10. Holy shit. It's more just like, boom, stop pitying me and fight. Okay. But she is in like a bad way. Holy shit. Yeah. Okay. Do you want to do one more? Yeah. And now you now that you know how much damage she does, you're like. Yeah. Now I'm intimidated. That was duel is intimidated. Yeah. I felt her hit me and I like I saw her form and I was like, Jesus. Fuck. That hurt. That hurt. She is insane. Yeah. So. Yeah. 2d 6 plus strength. Eight plus two is 10. Yeah. Okay. Roll your damage.

So what I do here is I know that she's like her left hand is fucked because she keeps doing fucking blood oaths. That's true. And she can only use her right hand. So I use that to my advantage. I charge an attack like only on the left. So she has to do a lot of cross body blocks. And then as she's doing. That like I move in close and I just bury my fist into her gut. Yeah. Yeah. Six. You like lift her off the ground. You hit her and she just goes.

And you feel the air just push out of her body and she hits the ground and she has got her staff holding her up and she holds up a hand. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. And she's like gripping her staff with both hands after you high five her. It was her left hand so she didn't really feel it. It's pretty dead. But she picks herself up and she's like. I know a powerful warrior when I see one and I bow to your ability.

As do I and I, I like kneel down and I put the staff behind my back and I give her like a kneeling bow. Okay. Yeah.

Like my queen ultimately like I know that if she wanted us all dead she could so it's like a sign of respect yeah yeah and she's trying to be cool because the flip side of that is that a ruler who leads by force was just obliterated in front of almost her entire crew yeah and I kind of know that so I like I have to yeah like I don't want to be a pirate king yeah so I have to like basically like uh pay respect yeah uh so she you're kneeling on the ground and she kneels down and she takes a small knife off of her belt and she um puts her hand like on the side of your face and what how do these guys react you two are watching this happen it feels like I'm about to be fucking murdered yeah wait I do the thing like my arms come up like ready to grab knives yeah like like a gunslinger yeah he's getting his hands near his belt oh ving jumps into the middle oh so you like enter the ring yeah somebody put like another crew member puts their hand on their on your shoulders and it's like it's it's fine this will be over quickly and she puts a hand on the side of your face and it's like you are now part of this crew as part of this family we fight together we sail together we bleed together and she gives you a quick gash right on the side of your face what the fuck oh that looks really ugly oh small one the shapeshifter uh approach do I have to yes okay if you are if you are bold enough to be a pirate you are bold enough to be initiated I walk and my chest is puffed my breath is held and she uh can't get down to billy's eye level but she gets close enough puts a hand to the side of his face and gives him a smaller cut it's just a small little paper cut basically but it's still bleeds it hurts so much just the shapeshifter I lean in she gives you a cut on the cheek you barely even felt it like water like seawater comes out he's crying uh and now tuck is greg the three of you now have like matching like cuts underneath your left eye like uh kind of horizontal slashes thanks you are now pirates sailors warriors from now on you are now pirates now until eternity I thought we agreed on two weeks until like a fortnight it's a couple weeks really that's all we need to be pirates for yeah until your inevitable burial at sea this is for two weeks you will be members of this crew temporarily until you breathe your last and bleed your last but that probably won't happen now rise and we stand up I stand up I rise and my hand is delicately you are now crystal bay pirates and the whole crew is like and they all gather in and there's like yeah and it's a night of much carousing tuck you're getting a lot of slaps on the back a lot of drinks handed to you throughout the night you guys all have a really great time with the crystal bay pirates there's much eating and drinking did we rest uh yeah you guys can sleep for the night oh and now you guys can heal up yeah so uh what's the rest move so do you heal all the way uh if you recover which is like a full day you heal all the way if you have like a like a few hours of uninterrupted sleep you equal uh you heal up to half okay yeah uh so yeah you wake up the next day in the barracks of the crystal bay pirates like in the cave comp well ving and billy you wake up in the barracks of the crystal bay pirates tuck you wake up next to ruby chun's day and she is asleep uh she was carousing pretty hard last night as well and is this something that tuck is aware of no I don't think he remembers anything oh my god scandal so he's just jumping to conclusions uh and yeah so that's your situation what do you do I I look at you and you're like oh my god I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry Wow.

Can't sneak. I got four. Great. As you're walking towards the door, you hear your ex is over by the wash basin. Oh my God. And she's just like sitting in bed. It's that classic romantic comedy thing where like she's got the sheets pulled up really far, like up to her neck, even though nobody would, it's so uncomfortable to sit like that. And I turn around and I'm like, good morning. I was going to get you breakfast in bed. Tacoma, I don't care. Get your ex. Get out of here. Okay.

Also, don't tell anyone about this. Okay. Not because I'm embarrassed. I just kind of am. And also I have a crew to run and I don't want to have to execute people for gossiping. Fair enough. Well, thank you for. Don't. Okay. Please don't say thank you. Okay. You're welcome. She closes her eyes and she just gets up and starts to get dressed. Okay. I'm going to get out of here. Yeah. And Tuck sees her naked. This is for the first time. She's ripped. Yeah. And so hot.

And I'm like, yeah, her hair is not in. She has her hair usually in this really long dark braid. But right now it's like undone and it's just like super long. Okay. And I'm like, you look good. I'm like, I'm trying to find my loincloth pants on. Yeah. Boot on. Okay. I'm getting out of here. Boot on. Was it good? Vest. That was my first time. Jacket. Okay. I'm going to go stand up. I leave. And you enter this like twisting complex.

That's there's smokeless lanterns every few feet to keep things bright. There's an occasional natural hole in the ceiling. There's crystals embedded in the walls. I don't see any of that. I start running out. And I tried to find big and Billy. And I'm like, we got to go. I'm at the breakfast table. I'm like, why? And I have seven sausages in my hand. We're not going anywhere. Yeah. These guys eat well. Like there's like a whole like roast jackalope just on the table.

There's drinks and meats and vegetables. We got to get out of here. We got to get out of here. I did a bad thing. How bad? What are you talking about? I think I might have had sex with Ruby. Oh, Bing comes up for a high five. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I grab when he goes into high five. I grab his wrist. I start dragging him out of the. And as you're like walking towards the exit for this chamber, Milton, steps in, he's like morning. Move out of the way. Milton.

I grab his face and push it into the ground. Sorry, man. His plate of food just goes up in the air. Sausages flying through the air. I catch it in my shirt. I'm like, sorry, dad. I'll see you later. And what you guys are just leaving. Yeah. All right. I mean, you're walking through a whole complex. This is a lot of stuff you've never seen. I'm running. I need to get out. And you, if you're just running, you do get out. Okay. Yeah. You're out on the beach. What the heck? I don't know.

Do you guys, I don't remember anything. Do you remember what happened? Oh, well, they had lots of drinks and I couldn't have any. You guys said, so I just went and hung out by myself. The dog. There's a dog down there. Can we do a flashback to what Billy was doing with that dog? Yeah. What kind of dog is it? It's a really cute one. It's a, what's my favorite kind of dog? It's a key song. So it's really puffy. So puffy has really nice, like, like pointy ears. Yeah. Very friendly boy.

I had his ears in my hand. I was going, I was making them talk to each other. I was like, how are you? And this is me. And we're going to kiss the dog's ears. Kiss. Yeah. And the dog's just in your face. Like, yeah, like so happy. His name's Rupert. Yeah. Cut back to that. You're on the beach. It's sunset. Yeah. And, uh, it's like big. Do you remember anything?

I mean, I remember talking to the guy and then there was the, the, they brought out those funnels and then the barrels and you were, you were dance fighting with Ruby Tuesday. Cut to what thing was doing that night. Uh, he, he was, uh, building, um, a model of a ship with like a room full of other guys. And there's guys, um, um, and like one of those monocles things into a bottle and then like pulls a little string in the sails like bloop pop up. Clunking of it.

And then you're somewhere in the background going it's so small. And cut back to the beach and it's yeah it's sunset. You're just walking back towards Crystal Bay or running I guess. Yeah and I'm telling them I was like I woke up and I tried to sneak out and then she fucking saw me. Why are you trying to sneak out? I didn't. I think I might have lost my virginity last night. I was freaking out. Do you remember anything? Not a thing. What's the last thing you remember? Cut to.

And I am sitting with an even bigger keys hand and I'm like making his ears kiss. It's like basically the shot of Billy is the same but widened and it's Billy sitting there with the keys hand and then I'm sitting there with the big keys hand and I'm like we love each other. That's why we're ears. But you're wasted. Cut to you burst through the door of the penthouse. Yeah. The Emerald Emerald Hotel. Yeah. And Mears is like and he drops he drops a bottle of wine on the ground.

Hey where Mears where's Perel? I wasn't drinking it. What? It was just I was just I was gonna cook with it. I grabbed Mears his hand. I'm like it's fine. Mears. I was drinking it. Why? Because it's sunset and Crystal Bay baby. And then everyone realizes that he's been drinking wine for like a week. I thought that was like juice. It is technically at one time a juice. So Mears is drunk. Okay. I am comfortable with how I am right now. Do you want to go lay down? I do. Cool.

Eat here and I hand him some sausages. There's a woman. There's a woman. I haven't seen her in… How long have you guys been gone? I don't know, like a day? I haven't seen her in about a day. When Perel never came back? You know what? No, Perel never came back. That's probably fine. He's a wizard. Not supposed to say that. But he's… Wink, wink. Wizard. The wink's covered up, huh? He'll be fine. He'll be fine. I'm going to go lay down. Okay. And you hear zip.

It doesn't have a zipper, but you hear a zipper. And then zip. We got to fucking find Perel. Yeah. How do we do that? Can I close my eyes and try to reach for him? Because you know how we have that connection? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Trying to commune with him somehow. He's been able to get a hold of him in the past. Yeah. Okay, cool. What would that be? I empty my pack until I find Chamberlain's ring. I put it on and then I sit on the ground. And I mentally try to reach Perel. Perel. Okay.

2d6 plus wisdom. This is basically a defy danger wisdom. Holy shit. 11, you guys. Yeah, Dan. Feeling wise. You feel… Billy, you feel a feeling that you haven't felt in many months. It's similar to the feeling you had in the pool before Ving died. Oh, yeah. You feel that sharpening of an energy inside you. Yeah. And it's focused on this little ring. Mm-hmm. But it's still taking a lot out of you to be like, ugh. That's okay. I ate a big breakfast. Yeah.

It's taking all the sausages in your stomach, all the hash browns. I knew I ate this way for a reason. You close your eyes. You think really, really hard. Mm-hmm. You feel out for Perel. That feeling that you got when he was like a magic ghost. And you make a connection. It's so tenuous, but you get like a feeling. And you get quick flashes of imagery. I feel like I'm touching him just barely. Oh, yeah. Like you're just brushing. Yeah. The sleeve of his robes. Yeah.

Which he hasn't been wearing for a while. But the sleeve of his diaper. Ew. Whatever he's wearing now. The diaper sleeve. Yeah. Yeah. And you feel anxiety. Not quite terror, but like, oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. And you get a flash of tense. Many, many tense of different colors and different qualities. And then you get a feeling of music and the smell of paint. Mm-hmm. And just a super intense. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The Coronetta is picking up more and more. Like there's even more people in the square than there was a few days ago. And there's more booths and more performers, jugglers, fire eaters, all that stuff. And you see, Billy, you notice that the colors that you saw on the tent are the same colors as the DeSomme Creek Theater Society's livery. Like they have a bunting along their stage.

That's the same color as the tents that you saw. Okay. Yeah. And there's no show right now, but there are a few Theater Society members milling around. There's the guy that was hammering up the stage. He's like a stage tech. And there's a few understudies reading from a script. But the show is like in between right now. Hey, are you me or him? And there's two twins. They're identical. Either of you, really? Both of you have both. Both of us.

If you want both of us, you're basically getting one of us. And if you want one of us, you're getting both of us. I smack both of them in the face. And they both like you slap one. His head smashes. And then you slap the other one. And they both go, ah, fucking just don't do this. Okay. We have questions. What? We're looking for a man who is both as tall. Like, well, you do it that tall. He's bald and he has glasses. Wearing a diaper. Wearing a diaper and a bathrobe.

He's got a real fucking nerdy vibe about him. It's like a little pretentious air. Yeah. But fun uncle mustache. Have you seen him? Or like a redheaded woman or both of them together. Oh, the redheaded woman. I think we've seen her. And they're both like, oh, to each other. And like, yes. Okay. Yes, we have seen them. Where are they? When? Why? Well, and now they get a little suspicious. They're our friends. We have their stuff in our hotel room. We need to check out.

And yeah, we only have till 11 and it's nine. Is it 30? I don't know. Billy's looking at where a watch would be. Yeah. If wristwatches existed in this world. He's just looking at his arm hairs and he's like, 930. Look, look at my arm. What if you wish them I'll? And that will be on our conscience. Yes, it will be on our conscience. That doesn't seem right. We don't. But they're our friends. Somebody's got to convince him somehow. Defy danger charisma. I show them the ring. Oh, yeah.

That I was wearing. I'm like, he gave me this. Aha. I can help out. Look at he gave all of us these rings. Yeah, totally. We all show up. Seven. Okay, great. So that gives it a partial success instead of a failure. So they're like, okay. He looks at Billy. You're a small boy. He looks at tuck and you seem like a simple fool. And you. You go on. I'm not really sure what your whole deal is, but I like the makeup. They're back at the they're back at the tents. They're at the camp.

They were in a bad way. They seemed stressed out. Oh, they requested somewhere to lay low for a few minutes. Maybe they were just having a hard time in a bar or something, but they're in the tents at the edge of town. Thank you. Okay, let's go. Let's head there. Yeah. And you push your way through the. The main square crowd. It thins out a little bit as you get out of the main square, because that's where most of the cool stuff is happening.

You pass some really nice restaurants, some less nice restaurants, some absolute dumps, and then you get to the edge of town and there's a big burst of color and activity as the the camp of the DeSom Creek Theater Society is laid out. There's the carts that you saw earlier, the really fancy ones, and then there's big, striped, colorful tents laid out all over the place. And there's just a bunch of absolute theater kids. And you're just like, what the fuck? Jesus.

This is the worst thing I've ever seen. Oh, my God. Are they being tortured? And the thing is, is that they all seem really. Sexually active. Gross. You can just smell it in the air. It's like a thick musk. That's the smell from my vision. Paint and musk. Yeah. Paint and BO. Covered with a thin sheen of Axe body spray. Yeah, there's tents all over the place. But Billy, you see the main tent that you saw in your vision. It's large. Yeah. It's narrow.

It's right next to a makeshift stable full of donkeys. Okay. And there's like a freshly painted set right next to it. You can see pictures like a set of trees and like a horse and stuff. And they're all drying in the. Oh, wait. That must have been the paint smell. Let's go over there. Yeah. So you go in and. Ask the donkeys. Oh, yeah. Totally. Have you seen a man wearing a diaper and a woman in a red dress, red hair? Oh, you better believe I've seen a man in a diaper.

I can see one of those in so long. But when I did, I said, Hey, Greg, you seen that man in a diaper. And what did you say, Greg? I said, I better believe that guy's in a diaper. It's pretty crazy. It looks like man's wear pants or clothes to cover legs. Most of the time. I'd love to wear clothes. You just wear a diaper. It seems like you're spitting in the face clothes. If you cut off a donkey, they get really offended. You just got to let him go. So what are you looking? When was that?

And where did they go? Oh, I spat. Sun said, I'd say. Yeah, it's a spot sun coming down. Sun going up. Can't really tell. I say and not donkey. God, don't you? You're dumb. That way. Which way? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. I think we could say yes comfortably. They're over here because he wants to seem useful. All right, let's try the. Okay. Yeah. And it's. It's full of boxes and shit, old sets and cans of paint and brushes and all that stuff. And it's dark. Pearl Allison.

And you hear it's a bunch of stuff falls over. It's us. Hello. Oh, my God. Nope. It's your friends. Oh, thank you so much. And it Perel. Like, you see him, like, poke his little spectacled face out from behind a box. What happened? What's going on? Get in here. Get in here. We're in the box. Get in. Come hide. Okay. There's a complication. What? And Perel pokes points to a hole in the tent that goes to, like, an area behind the tent, like, outside of the main camp.

And he says, look in here, but be quiet. Okay. And we. We all go in at the same time to look. And then we're, like, shoving each other out of the way. Three chipmunk style, like, poke our heads through, like, Billy. And then on top of it. Hello. It's me. It's me. Totally. And you see the fancy cart that jaunter was riding on. Oh, yeah. When you guys saw him outside of town. And it's all unfolded into this pretty comfortable little, like, one person house.

And he's sitting there at a folding table on a folding chair with, like, a tea kettle, like a teapot on the middle with two cups of tea. And he's drinking tea and calling to someone in the tent. He says, I mean, I'm really glad that you were able to. To arrive. I don't really have as much information as I wish I could. But I'm really glad that you're here. We need you now more than ever. And stepping out of the cart is the torch of McCall.

And he steps onto the ground and he sits in the chair and takes a sip of the tea. And he's like, well, you've been doing wonderful work. And I'm just so glad that we were able to finally meet our two organizations working together. As they were intended to all these years ago. Just like to thank you for hosting me. And Jaunter reaches, like, into the lapel of his frayed coat. And he pulls out a copper pin and puts it on the table. And he says, I'm just glad you're here.

I'm afraid that we're running out of time. He says, we'll do everything that we can to resolve this as quickly and as efficiently as possible. And he's like, yeah. And I think that's where we're going to end it for this week. Whoa. Holy shit. My name is Sean O'Hara. I've been your Game Master for this week. And joining me as always playing Tacoma Dome, the Barbarian, Abdul Aziz. So long. Playing Ving, the Half-Elf Druid, Paul Oppers. Bye-bye. Playing Fat Billy, the Halfling Thief, Jessica Tai.

Goodbye. Thanks to Wes for all the technical work. Abdul for all the editing. Aaron Reid for our amazing intro and outro music. Thanks to our Patreon supporters for supporting the show. Thanks to Adam, Kobel, and Sage Lucchetti. Thanks to Adam, Kobel, and Sage LaTorah for creating Dungeon World, which you can find online. Please feel free to join us on social media for various interactions. We're at speltlore most places. And we'll see you next time. Bye.

And so ends the tale of adventures three who tried the best they can. Though dumb and scared and lost they be for time's abreast in revelry. And though our journey may be like a conclusion, we will not leave you without a resolution. Return next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores. And for you I'd gladly Spout Lore. See you then. Bye. Bye.

So let's listen to that theme music. Here's the theme tune. Gather round, friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes, noble and bold. A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old. You know them by name, you know them by deed. Their quests are famously daring. So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing. Here's the thing that I don't appreciate is nobody's making eye contact with me right now. I'm sorry. I demand that everyone make eye contact. You stink.

Somebody's burp. Probably all of ours burped. It's probably mine. It's a perfect belt. Oh yeah, you had that fish burger. I had that fish burger. But we all kind of burped in like a cross shape. We all burped in the middle. It's like a Union Jack. Yeah. A little green bit in the middle. I was sorry. Sorry. It represents colonialism. But seriously, everyone make eye contact. Was it fun for you to stop at halfway through the theme music to totally kill that momentum?

And just totally derail the fucking podcast. Actually, it kind of sets us up perfect for the podcast. So welcome to Spout Lore, everybody. We're not done the fucking theme music. Well, then fucking play the shit. Fingers up, healthy shifts in shape and yields a spirit with great heart. So what? I don't deserve eye contact? The fuck? Oh my God. We're never going to get this episode recorded. All right. Everybody make eye contact. Rewind it to Vings Park. Yeah. Okay. Okay.

Sean, why is no one making eye contact with me? Everybody make eye contact with everybody. Sean. Thank you. Fingers up, healthy shifts in shape and yields a spirit with great heart. Billy's a thief. His tiny size does mask the largest heart. Best in bread. His name may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts. So gather around friends and listen close. For the tale is about to start. Welcome to Spout Lore, everybody. My name is Sean O'Hara and I am your game master.

And I am just furious. I'm so mad at everybody at this table, but in a friendship way. What a wild way to derail. The episode right out of the game. Just unbelievable. Yeah, you're welcome. That was not since here. We're coming to you from Tofino, British Columbia. Joining me as always, playing Tacoma Dome, the barbarian, Abdulaziz. Hello. Playing Fat Billy, the halfling thief, Jessica Tai. Yes. Playing Ving, the half-elf druid, Paul Oppers. Gosh darn right.

And when we last left our heroes, they were having a less wonderful day due to revelations. Of Allison. Yes. So last session, while hiding in the tent in the DeSomme Creek Theater Society's camp, you observed Jaunter, leader of the DeSomme Creek Theater Society, conversing with Torch of McCall, the leader of the Lightguard, or at least the most revered hero. And they talked about how, according to Jaunter, there's nothing wrong in the principalities.

The reports of the magical or supernatural threats have been greatly exaggerated, which you know, basically. Everything Jaunter said about how there's no flooding, about how there's no dangers, there's no reports of any sort of monsters, are all untrue, because you've experienced these things personally. He did say, however, that the three of you are wanted, along with Perel, in connection to the loss or compromising of one of the vaults and an item from the vault.

Billy went to go get some information about where Allison might be, ran into Fadum, warrior of the… Lightguard. Right. Yes. And former bully of Tacoma Dome, the Barbarian, in his childhood days. Ving saved the day by saying, that's my baby boy. Give me that baby. Tuck was dressed as a belly dancer. Yeah, he's still dressed as a belly dancer. Painted bone white with a belly dancer's outfit. And then you met Nimble, an elfin boy of some regard. 1920s Brooklyn news boy kind of situation. Yeah.

He and I are best buds now, in my heart and in my mind. And he gave us some, the lowdown on where he saw Allison. Who told you that Allison was meeting people in the alleyway by the fish guts. What a weird town that the fish gut pile is like a landmark. You know where the guts go. When you met to, when you spied Allison behind the fish guts, she was meeting with a scholar of the Lightguard. She saw you. She saw you seeing her and she ran.

And you have, you captured her, brought her back to the hotel and questioned her. And she told you that she has been in the employ of the Lightguard for who knows how long under threat of banishment back to the outer dark immediately. Oh, right. She's been bound by them. Yeah. She basically said that. Okay. But you're not sure what that means. Like binding a demon. What does it do? Who knows? Yeah. If it's a thing, who can say? Well, according to the supernatural television series. Uh-huh.

Mm-hmm. I'm not going to do the rest of this. I feel embarrassed. It's usually a circle of salt of some kind. Yeah. A demon trap. You can trap the devil if you use oil from Babylon. Ooh. I am so embarrassed. I know this information. You watched the whole series. Why did you get embarrassed? I watched all of it because I was depressed. What do you get? Which is the only context that anyone watches supernatural. That is absolutely true.

And in an attempt to figure out what's going on, Billy racked through his memories of the, uh, the interactions between jaunter and the torch of McCall and realized that the things that Billy learned were that the menders were founded by the light guard. Uh, the traveling bards of the disarm Creek theater society are used to gather information. The torch of McCall is able to summon a kind of flame from his very body as a weapon of sorts.

And the last thing that Billy realized is that something is up with jaunter. He does not appear to be who he is. He is supposed to be. Something is wrong. And when he opened his eyes, you had all been experiencing the same visions through your mind's eye. And Billy had been gripping the blue glass ring from Chamberlain in his hand. And that's where we are now. Uh, so yeah, let's talk about that vision for a second. Do we think that that was related to the rings that you guys have?

Yeah, I think so. Okay. So it was just Ving and Tuck that saw it as well. I thought so. Is this something that the rings do? Do we think? Maybe. Yeah. Are you able to share minds? Or maybe just Billy? Because it's like the crystals. They give them the power. Yeah. That the crystals used to give. Yeah. We're not magic. Billy's magic. And well, the rings are magic. And the rings are magic. So Billy's the only one that's able to actually like use them.

That's what I kind of think of Billy as like similar to a Wi-Fi hotspot. Like he he he kind of projects out all this energy. And he can take it. He can take it in. Or he at least like generates it himself. I think. Yeah. I think about Billy as a little battery pack. Yeah. Like every once in a while he interacts with something and charges it up. And it's just like, okay, this is magic again. Now for some reason. Because he's not of this world. He originates from somewhere else. Right? Yeah.

So it would make sense if I emit just like. Like a latent magical field. Totally. Cool. So when Billy interacts with magical items, he like activates them somehow. Yeah. Just like amplifies whatever he's doing. And I don't know. I don't know yet why that ring made it possible for you guys to all see what's going on. But good to know. Yeah, totally. Keep that ring safe, Billy. Okay. I'm put back on. And Perel is sitting there in his Regency era ball gown with his fan and his beehive wig.

Standing next to Allison tied to the chair like, what? What's going on? What are we supposed to? What should we do? You don't believe her, do you? I don't know who to believe. Yeah. What I do believe is that. I don't know. Everybody's lying to us. It sucks because everyone is lying. We just want to trust people. Yeah. And Allison says, I'm not lying. That is the truth. I was lying. And now I'm not. How about I don't care? Yeah. How about fuck off, Allison? What? Fuck off. What do you mean?

Fuck off. I mean, why can't you do it yourself if you're clearly like doing your own thing on your own? Why don't you just do it? Dick hypnotize a bunch of mercenaries to kill the light guard for you. Why? Why? It doesn't work like that. I understand that you're maybe not the most like experienced people when it comes to succubi, but that is not how my abilities work. Why wouldn't you just be honest with us right away? Why would you lie to us? Why did you tell me that story?

I got so emotional about the food, you know, and how you're so hungry and you can't help yourself. Okay. Maybe I manipulated you. Maybe that is true. But if I told you that I was working for the light guard, how was that going to make it better? I wanted you to kill them. Why would I just come up and say, hey, could you kill my boss for me? Yeah, that makes way more sense. Yeah, that would have made more sense to us. We'd do that. Yeah. Well, now I know that. Can you kill my boss for me, please?

No. She sighs and sinks down into her chair. So what are you going to do now? I want to take these guys into the other room. Yeah. Where Mears is sleeping. Yeah. Mears is there wrapped in a fuzzy robe with two empty bottles of wine next to him. And we close the door and we tell Perot, hey, Perot, keep an eye on her. Will do. And he closes his fan and he points it at her. And Mears is like. I got to get him a CPAP machine. Oh, God. Billy cleans up the bottles and dumps the rest of it out.

I can't believe this. He doesn't need any more of this. So what do you guys think? I don't know. We can't trust her, right? So far. No, I don't think so. No, I feel hurt. And we could have died like a lot. Yeah. And we got these stupid cuts. And now we have to go be pirates because of her. That's something to consider is the deal is, as far as you know, still on with Ruby. Yeah. Ruby's agreed to get Allison out of town.

But she said it was going to take a couple of days to get the ship ready, which might be more of a problem now, because you did also hear from Perot that there was a huge amount of money in the ship. There was a huge amount of damage done to all the ships in the harbor. And there was like a lockdown. Yeah. They're basically like, no one's leaving until we figure out what's going on here. Well, I think that's a good advice for us, too. We can't leave until we figure out what's going on here.

Okay. Well, we're going to starve in this room if we can't leave. Okay. So, guys, what are we going to do about Allison? We already have a way for her to get out of town. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She wants the light guard dead. We'll just tell her we'll deal with the light guard and we'll get her out of town. I mean, we got to get out of here too. Should we? What are the things that we need to do? We have to clear our names.

Or escape. Figure out what's going on with Jaunter because it has something to do with the Menders and all the stuff going on right now. Maybe that'll show us who's been keeping tabs on us. Yeah. And we need to get this guy some food. We got to get Billy some food. Me and Mears. Mears needs something greasy. Yeah. Yeah. Actually, at this point, Mears, like… And his eyes flutter open. Mears! Oh, my God. How long have you been asleep? Oh, about two bottles of wine worth. Okay.

Hold on one second. And then I grab him by his shirt. Uh-huh. And I punch through the window with him. Wow. Why? Because I'm interrogating him. Mears? Yes. Whoa. Okay. Yeah. All right. He's a bundle of sticks. That's, I guess, easy enough. But he's like… He starts freaking out. Quick question. Have you been telling the menders what we've been doing? No. Well, I mean, I guess. Wait. What do you mean you guess? I'm a mender.

But have you been, like, telling them where we are and what we've been doing? Well, no. I have no way of doing that. I've been taking notes, though. Okay. But when's the last time you talked to someone about us? At the vault. We were all there. All right. Sounds good. I bring him back and I drop. And he's like, what's happening? The menders are hunting us. They know everything about us. What? Yeah. We have no fucking clue how they got all this information. We just had to make sure it wasn't you.

Jaunter's one of them. Jaunter? Yeah. He's been spreading all this information. He's been talking about Maggie Cole, how she's not a respected mender and stuff like that. What? He's been spreading lies about all the weird flooding in the principalities, all the weird stuff going on with the moon. Have you ever heard of… Have you ever heard of traveling actors being in the employ of the menders? He's thoughtful for a second. Well, kind of the way that menders work is it's pretty decentralized.

Not everyone knows everything. But that sounds plausible. Did he have a pin? Yes. Then he's a mender. That's sort of how it works. No one really outside of the organization knows that that's the signifying mark of a mender. Except for us. Except for you, because you're kind of menders. And everyone. We've told. What? Everyone that we've showed off our pins to. Okay. That's a problem. Flashback. Flashback to all of the times you've just thrown a pin in someone's face.

Or used a pin to pick a lock. Or used a pin to spear a piece of meat. Yeah. One time we were in a bar and we ran out of darts for the dartboard. And we all pulled out our pins and we're like, it's cool. We're menders. We have pins. Magic copper pins. They can track us with these. Somehow. Announcing it to the bar. Back to the present. So he was disrespecting Maggie Cole. She's a legend. Well, not according to Jaunter. But he's a mender. I don't know. There's something weird going on with him.

Do you know if the light guard are in charge of the menders? Have you ever heard of menders reporting back to the light guard? His eyes widen a little bit. Like, I didn't hear about the light guard until two days ago. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Person in the menders I report to maggie and that's all you know that's all I know all right she's never said anything of her superiors she's she's not the top I know that much but she didn't say who I got the idea that she was sort of in charge of operations in that sort of you know in that principality okay so I get down on one knee and I'm like mares he kind of flinches away I put my I put my my hand on his arm he flinches away from your touch I'm like I know that I just pushed me through a plate glass window I know and it's six stories in the air kind of fucked up to do you can say that again but you know what we've been in a weird headspace because we've been lied to a bunch allison was manipulating us she's working for the light guard I wish I could be surprised by that I don't have enough pieces to really and you're still kind of drunk aren't you I'm a little bit I sobered up after I got pushed through a plate glass window but here's the thing maggie cole is a stand-up lady you're goddamn right she is and this piece of shit jaunter doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about he's spreading rumors about her the problem is I think he does know what he's talking about we need to figure out why he's manipulating the torch of mccall to put down maggie and to try and catch us our faces are all over this town and I look into mirrors his eyes and I'm like mirrors stop looking away make eye contact with me he's yeah he's looking all over the room look at me he stares you right in the look at him you're a mender and of all the menders in the principalities you're the only one that can figure out what's going on here and you're the only one that could save maggie's reputation you with us I'm with you it's up to me I can do it he flattens out his clothes okay he picks up his sword straps it on I'm gonna try and meet with jaunter I'm gonna find out what's going on oh my god I bring I grab his face well I try to come here he kneels down further so you can touch his face look me in the eyes he's looking you in the eyes his eyes are so wide I squish his cheeks together I say you are a stand-up dude you are a stand-up dude you are a stand-up dude you are a stand-up dude you are a stand-up dude are a hero amongst all of us and we love you.

I don't know why I'm doing this actually. You say like you're a stand-up dude and he kind of goes hmm and then you say you're a hero amongst all of us and he kind of goes huh and you say and we love you and he tears up a little bit. And then I tell him be careful out there and I kiss him. And he pats your cheek with his not metal hand. He goes I'll be careful Billy. Okay. Don't worry. Wait. Should I be meeting him alone? No. Absolutely not. Can you guys come with me please? A hundred percent.

We're going to come with you. Did he see you? No he didn't. I mean Fathom saw us. Jaunter did not see us. We are okay. We are so bad at getting stories straight. We've had a long day guys. And there's a lot of stuff we're knitting together right now. It's pretty sick actually. What are we going to do about Allison? I think that we, I don't think she can say anything that would make us feel better. That's the situation. It's sort of like do you trust her? Do you not? Yeah.

There are roles that you can make. You can probably do like a discern realities or something. Oh yeah. Rolling might help a lot. Yeah. Yeah. This is a game in which you have tools at your disposal. Right. Should we roll a discern realities? Yeah. We should. Absolutely. Kicks the door open. Allison! She jumps. What? What? What? What? So who's rolling it? I want to say that it's probably Tuck. Because you're like kind of leading this interrogation with your past experience. Okay. Yeah.

I'll roll a discern realities. Okay. So 2d6 plus wisdom. Okay. Oh. Fuck me. I rolled two ones. Take some experience. Two. Oh boy. So you're talking to Allison and Perel's like looking around like he's basically trying to make sure that everything's secure in the room and in the room next door. Like so he opens the door and he goes into the room next door and you hear him go and he comes back and he's like I'd come in here if I were you. So we go in there. Yeah. What's going on?

Laid out on the bed is Rebecca and he's dead. What the fuck? I am fucking pissed now. I walk through the door and I grab Allison's chair and I drag it into the room and I like slam it into a wall and I'm like what the fuck is this? And her eyes are like bugging out of her head. She's like that. I didn't do that. I did not do this. This was not me. Who could it have been? I don't know. Why would I kill? I already told you I don't want to discern the realities of the dead body. Okay. Eleven.

Holy shit. There we go. That's a hundred percent better than what I did. So you get three questions from the discern realities list. Who killed this person? Why are they dead? Read the list. What happened here recently? Allison is like we spent some time like basically 24 hours. Having dinner. I got a little bit of what I needed out of him just from our, you know, kind of flirting and hand touches and stuff like that. And then I left that. That was it. Where did you leave him?

I left him as far as I can remember downstairs in the lobby. I said I was going to come up here. Yeah. So that's what she says. And that you get from this is that's true. She doesn't seem to be lying to you. Well, I was wondering about if there's any telltale signs. I'm CSI in the body here. Yeah, totally. So the CSI in you is that Bing walks up and he like takes off his sunglasses and he does a shitty pun about the body. This body is stiffer than when you left him. Pretty good.

And then in the background you hear CSI. Yeah, it's a dance party that's happening in the square outside. Yeah, here we live. And then he's like, oh, I'm going to jump over his glass is crystal hands into a black light. There's like there's semen all over the place. Talk. It's all over your body, your belly. Shut up. Oh, it's his. Oh, that makes more sense. So then you're like poking Rebecca's body and you see a couple things is that the eyes are bugged out in a weird way in a bulgy kind of way.

And, um, just underneath his collar. It's a little damp. Yeah. What here is useful or valuable to me? You do some more poking and prodding. You've seen some dead bodies in your time as a man of the land, animal, human, etc. He was drowned. Like he wasn't whatever succubi do, however they kill people. You don't know. You've never encountered one. Really. He was drowned and then he was brought here. Yeah. What he was not appears to be maybe. Okay. Yeah. Okay.

So what here is not what it appears to be. You look at his how he like where his body is and you look at the rest of the room. He was drowned in this room. Fuck. I go in the bathroom. Does it look like wet or anything like there was like a bunch of splash splash was anyone splish splash and take in a bath or anything? It looks like maybe the bath was used a couple like a couple nights ago and Allison was like I took a bath. I was sleeping in this room. Remember the sheets? What about the floor?

Nothing. What the fuck would kill someone like this? Something's weird. That guy had control over fire. Maybe somebody has control over water and drowned Rebecca. I don't know. I'm shooting from the hip. This is what are we going to do with this body to somebody comes in here? We're wanted people. We need to get rid of his body. Yeah, but no one knows we're staying here. So that's fine. I think I just remember the ducks just as a belly dancer.

Yeah, he's still dressed as a belly dancer every time he motions. It's just like shake shake shake shake I think like our path forward is the same. We got to figure out what's going on with jaunter. We got to clear our names. We got to get out of town if we can't and Mears is like, okay, should I try and meet up with jaunter? There are some ways that menders can make themselves known. Yeah, yeah, sure. Okay, great. All right. I'm going to go.

I'll be back and then I'll let you know when I'm supposed to meet jaunter bring back potato wedges. Oh yeah, please. Oh, yeah, potato wedges would be great actually. Oh and some of those ice ice cream cones. Uh-huh. Pearl's like I could take a iced tea and then he's like, okay. All right, fine. I'll be I'll be back soon.

So Allison we're just going to put you away for a while because I don't trust you and I have to go have a nap because this has been stressful and pearls like actually yeah, who this has been a long few days. Do you guys need to rest a little bit? Maybe I think we should yeah, well Mears will be back. I'll stay up and I'll watch Allison and I'll I'll deal with the body. Okay. I'm just going to hide it. I'm just going to hide it.

I'm not going to do anything weird with it hide it as a frog or as a none of this frog stuff. You're not turning it into anything else. No, if we come back and there's a dead frog in that room. No, no, not at all. I just transmute things. That's all you guys aren't going to want to watch what I do, but I'll do it and it'll be fine. Okay. Thanks man. Go get some sleep. I'll wake you up when Mears gets back. Okay. Okay. I climb into a cupboard and I close the door.

I climb into a cupboard and I close the door. What is how is Billy sleeping? He makes a nest of his blue blanket and he's like comforting himself and he's like realizing how serious the world is right now and he's like, I don't like this and so he really nestles in and then he's playing with Chamberlain's ring. Ooh. Yeah. So what happens when Billy plays with Chamberlain's ring? This is actually something that I've wanted to talk to Jessica tie the player. Yeah. How is Billy feeling about magic?

How's he feeling about whether or not he wants to play with the ring? How's he feeling about whether or not he wants to play with the ring? I think he's feeling about whether or not he wants to learn to harness magic in a more significant way. I think to learn magic. He has to access his memories. He has to access his memories. Because it's not that he doesn't know how to do it. Because it's not that he doesn't know how to do it.

Well, he kind of doesn't but it's more just like it's instinctual and it's kind of like relearning a language that you spoke when you were young that you've forgotten in adulthood. Totally. Totally. Totally. Totally. Yeah. So I think it's just it's almost like he's evolving yet both reverting back to his originals. So I think it's just it's almost like he's evolving yet both reverting back to his originals. Yeah. Dreaming about the things that have happened to him. Tell me one.

Tell me one dream that we don't, that we have no idea what it is. Like one thing Billy remembers that we've never heard. Okay. There's a dream memory that Billy's having. And in the background, like in the distant background, you hear the halfling singing this song as the sun is setting and the night is coming. And Billy is like hunched over in a meadow between the rivers and he's knitting together the water so that the rivers touch because he knows that the lake is drying up. Whoa.

I got goosebumps. That's really cool. I got goosebumps in my butt. Nice. Butt bumps. So Billy may have something to do with the Sunwise and the Wittershins because he was afraid that the halflings were going to die out. Yeah. Because their water source was going away. Yeah. Whoa. That's huge. That's massive. Maybe the flooding of the principalities is related to Billy. Oh, maybe. Then. Fuck me. That's great. As he's starting to gain in magical powers.

Or like the fix that he did is like now that like magic is seeping back in, it's like actually fucking things up. Oh, maybe. Like maybe, like now that magic is coming back into the world, maybe that knit is going to tear. Oh, it's true. I just love the idea that this potentially massively powerful, at one time at least, like force of nature. Is cuddled up in a cupboard on a blanket, like fretfully snoozing away. Yeah. And just hoping that things get better.

And there's all these fly fireflies that were like hovering around him. Wow. Yeah. I, my guts have goosebumps. Wow. This is awesome. Yeah. Wow. And I know that you have a specific mechanical thing that you want to do, Paul. So maybe we'll go to tuck first. Tuck only snooze for like 20 minutes and then he woke up. Uh huh. Because he was like. He had a nightmare and he was also like, I don't trust Alison to like not kill Perel.

So he just like goes into the room and he hangs out there while she's sitting there. And when you come back into the room 20 minutes later, um, do you come in while Perel's doing the thing that he was doing? Sure. So it's not like horrific, but it's unusual to watch. He's standing over the bed and he's got his hands on the body of Rebecca. And he's focusing his body's clenching. You see his muscles. When Perel does magic, his muscles move in unnatural ways.

Like he's flexing strange parts of his physiology. Because he's not real. He's not really a person. Yeah. Like he's, he's human looking, but he might not be. We haven't really talked about that. I don't think that wizards are fully people. I think they look like people because that's easier. Um, but he's basically like a living node. Of the magical world. So he's got this weird thing going on and he's got his hands on the body of Rebecca, but it's like two thirds into the bed. Whoa.

Like he's moving the body. Like, uh, like the last scene of Nightmare on Elm Street. Yeah. Kind of. I'm thinking of. Yeah. Yeah. We're like Freddie Prince Jr. Pulls her mom into the bed. Freddie Prince Jr. What? You mean the murder? Freddie Krueger. Freddie. We were doing a bit. I was like. Kiss me beneath the starry twilight. And he's just ripping into people with his claw. Beneath the green, green grass. So beautiful.

But yeah, so his body is moving into the mattress and the mattress is moving up around him and he's silent. He's focusing. And Allison's just sitting there. She's not looking. She's pointedly looking away from the bed. Yeah. She looks at you and goes, Hey, what's up? Well, you know, questioning everything. Yeah. You made a bunch of fucked up choices there. I'm a demon tuck. Like, I don't know what to tell you anymore. You knew this when we met up, right? Like I'll say it. I'm hot, right?

Like I'm a hot lady. I'm not a lady. And I only look like this because it's easier to get people to get close to me. Well. You hurt my feelings. And when you say you hurt, you hurt my feelings. She doesn't say anything. Like she's just silent. And I'm like, I was going to help you because you're my friend. And then you lied to me. And I think I'm still going to help you, but I don't like you anymore. And I don't want to talk to you after I get you out of Crystal Bay. You know what?

The worst part of this is. For me personally. Is I know that that should upset me. What? After she says, you know what the worst part of this is? What? There's a farting noise that happens. From Perel pushing the body into the pan. You see Perel's eyes. Perel's eyes open for a second and dart over and he goes, sorry. And keeps working. And she waits for that to end and says, you know what? The worst part of this is for me personally. Was it that noise?

It's that I know that it should upset me that I hurt you. But it doesn't. Cool. It's the way I am Tacoma. And I go up to her and I lean in. And then I pull the two obsidian coins out of her dress. And I like, I'm like. I don't think you need these anymore. And then I just like walk back to the other side of the room. I like do the thing where I like, you know, you're like rolling coins on your finger. I'm just practicing that for the rest of the night. Cool. Cool. Oh.

Can I take a second and ask you a question? Did Tuck feel anything when he touched her? What do you mean? Did he feel anything? Like aroused? Yeah. Did he feel that pull? Oh, no. Yeah. Well, because I mean, that's the question, right? It's like. Feelings are so hurt. I know. Has this broken him so much that he can't even be affected by her anymore? I guess so. Anus bumps. Yeah. Same. Feel them all the way up to my armpits. I know. I'm feeling it in my scrote, guys. My neck hairs are all woogly.

Okay. Now, what's Ving been up to? Because I want to know. Because. Okay. So, yeah. Tell me. Because I know what you were thinking about. Because we talked about it. Yeah. Which is a mechanical thing about weapons. Because he's not weapon dependent. And I just thought that he could study the essence of the crystals of his hands and use those to make weapons and stabbing things. So, the move is called studied essence, right? And in the past.

Because the only other time we've seen studied essence was in Lerm's shack seasons ago when you studied the essence of the huge crocodiles that you fought in Bull Rush. I thought he also did it with Gary. Oh, of Gary Oak. Right. Yeah. So, you did do that. So, you can turn into a tree. You can turn into a tree. Any other time you've done it. Well, when you did it with Gary, you were literally in the spirit world.

But when you've done it in the material plane, you've dipped spiritually into the spirit world. So, is Ving doing that again? Yeah. I guess so. Because these crystals originate from the spirit world. Yeah. Yeah. And the spirit is Larry, Terry, or Chad. Oh, my God. Is it not? It's so cool. Yeah. It is. Yeah. So, it's one of them. It's Terry. Terry is Amethyst. Terry. Oh, sick. Yeah. Just Terry. So, I guess I'm. I'm. Yeah. Communing with Terry. Mm-hmm.

And maybe having a pep talk with him and asserting his, Terry's independence as that further becoming separate from the other rocks. Yeah. Great. So, Ving is sitting there with his hands up. Is he in the hotel room? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So, just sitting on like the carpet. He's using water. He has them pooled in basins. Mm-hmm. They, uh, they energize more in water. They're conductive. Conductive. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Through the spirit world. Cool. Oh, he has to submerge his head in the gills. Oh.

With the crystals in there. So, you're in the bathtub? Yes. Yeah. He's submerged in the bath. So, yeah. Ving is under the surface of the water. Mm-hmm. And closes his eyes and his third eye opens. Mm-hmm. And you're sitting on a patch of bare dirt. But in front of you, bursting up out of the ground, is about a four foot high pillar of the water. A four foot high pillar of amethyst. And it goes, What's up, man? What's cracking? God, I feel like I haven't talked to you forever, bro.

Terry, I just want to thank you for welcoming me back. It's been a long time since I've been in the spirit world. And it is good to see you, bro. I'm so just glad to talk. Like, how's everybody been? I've been talking to Tacoma sometimes. But, like, not that much, you know? Yeah. How's the little guy? Everybody's doing great. Shit's a little fucked up right now. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah? We're working through it. Yeah, man. And we need help. Okay. So, you want to, what?

Be able to, like, further integrate this form? I want to be able to welcome you to help me out. I'm, like, I'm here for it. What you got to realize, man, is that, like, those crystals are just as much a part of you as your breath, as your heart, as your blood. Like, the crystal's not in your body. It is your body. It is your body. And one day, who knows? You might just be crystal. You might just be like me. I mean, I like you, Terry. But there's some pleasures of the… It's not important.

Thank you. Hey, I'm here to help. Feel free to come back anytime, man. It's just nice to chat. High five. Clink. Yeah, you just slap the front of this M at this pillar. Yeah. How does Terry react to the high five? Yeah, he just goes, slap. And Ving wakes up, and the crystals are going up his body, and they're going up. They're traveling up both of his arms. His heart is beating out of his chest. His eyes are wild.

His gills are flaring, and they're gathering up, and just as they meet, they're going to meet in between his pecs over his chest. He's feeling wild, trying to take control of it. And feeling it take over him. And just as they're about to meet in the middle, he remembers what Terry says and feels control. And it comes up, and it meets in the middle of his body and sinks into a hollow in his chest and creates a small amethyst cave in the middle of his chest.

Like when you cut a geode in half, and he has a little hollow of a beating, glowing purple amethyst. And he has now finished the study of the crystal. And they are one of him, and he is one of them. I have goosebumps for sure. That's fucking wild. So we'll say that this is now studied essence. You have full control over the shape of those crystals. Cool. So are we waking up from our naps? Yeah, Billy wakes up about 30, 40 minutes later.

And Mears comes into the room, and he's invigorated a little bit, because it seems like he's been doing some dope secret society mender shit. And he's like, all right. The meeting's on. I burst from the cupboard. I heard you. Billy just bursts out of an armoire. I'm here. With knives out. What's going on? Yeah, where's John Ter? Okay, I'm meeting with him in a library at the edge of town in about two, two and a half hours. He seemed normal to me. He seemed fine.

But based on what you told me about the shit that he was talking about Maggie Cole, I want to get to the bottom of this. Yeah, we're going to figure it out. Okay. Now, you said that he knows about all of you, right? Yeah, he seems to. It would appear. So I don't want to just be throwing you all into a trap, but I do want you to come. I just want you to be surreptitious about it. Well, I'm already in disguise. Great point. And the scholar from the light guard saw you in that disguise? Fuck.

Okay, yeah. Okay, we'll think of something else. Figure it out. Yeah. See you there. Pal. Pal's partners. He walks backwards and finger guns at us, but he misjudges how far he is away from the door. So he finger guns. He's like, and then he opens the door. He's like, it's locked. And then you hear him go down the hall. I wonder where he's going. Yeah, you hear him as he's going down the hall. I'll go. Mears is back. And then I turn to these guys. I'm like, genuinely fucking love that kid.

And Perel comes back into the room sweating. It's like, okay, body's dealt with. Should we take Allison to the ship before we like, what are we doing with her in the meantime? We don't have time to take her. You probably could. Yeah, sure. Yeah. Cool. Yeah. Let's go drop her off. Should I go to this meeting, too? What do you think? Oh, can you? Yeah. Can you go with Mears just to make sure no one fucks with him until like. Yeah, totally. We get there for sure. And he runs back into the room.

You hear a flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap. And he runs back in and he's made a cloak out of blankets. Okay. He's like, I'm starting to think that these flashy disguises aren't really doing the trick. Yeah. You should buy clothes. Yep. I would really love to wear my robes. Fine. Get him some nice robes. No, my robes. I shouldn't wear them now. I want to wear them. Just you wear them. I don't want to wear them. Are you going to spend or something? I'm literally looking for a wizard.

Okay. All right. Fair. Can I have some money, please? How much do we. How fancy do we want this fucker? Look. Just give him 20 coins. 20 coins. I thought that was. Do with 15. 16. 15. All right. 15. And he takes it and he bails. And for God's sake, get some other fucking shoes. What? You don't like these? I made them. They're made of iron. They're made of a porous, semi-flexible. It's actually coral. It's breathable. You look like an ant on a cruise. I thought they were comfortable. Fine.

I'll go find mirrors. I'll see you in two and a half hours. Okay. And he heads out of the room. And you guys go to meet Ruby. Yeah. I tell Allison. I'm like, look, you fucked me over so many times, but I can't let you die. So we're going to take you. To some people that are going to fucking get you out of town. After that, we never want to see you again. You're going to deal with a lifeguard though, right? You're going to kill them. You're going to. We'll do whatever the fuck we want. Okay.

If you don't kill them, they're going to follow me. They're going to find me. Allison, this is your only chance to get away. I swear to fucking God, if I ever see you again, I'm going to fucking kill you. All right. And. Oh, yeah. Is Billy uncomfortable? Yeah. It's like watching your parents fight. Yeah. It's like watching your dad fight with his new girlfriend. Like, why don't you just break up with her? She sucks. Yeah. Stop yelling at her.

I take a leash that sometimes they put on my wrist when we're going on outings. And I put it on her wrist. I'm like, we got to make sure you don't run away. Yeah. It's like it's one of those fluorescent green like springy goes on your wrist. And it's just, you know. Yeah. Oh, I. I wore one of those in the 90s. Who didn't? She goes, I'm not going to run, Billy. I mean, all I ever do is run. So I'm sorry. Hey, you did everything you could for me. Well, let's go then. Okay.

Ving fashions a blade under his sleeve. Oh, yeah. And puts it at her back and said, if you do anything to endanger my family, I will put my hand through your heart. Understood. And yeah, I get we can cut right to the Crystal Bay Pirates lair. Yeah. The usual thing happens. There's some. We don't get distracted. No. Yeah. For the first time in a long time. Yeah. There's amazing shit happening in the square, too. There's some kind of animal doing magic tricks. It feels like being sad at the zoo.

You know? Yeah. Like Billy has silent tears streaming down his face because he's come to like Allison and he feels so betrayed. Yeah. And he's holding her hand like a kid would hold. Her mom's hand on the last weekend that he'll ever see her again. Yeah. As you walk past a stand where a guy's just saying free horses, horses for free. Just come over this way and get a free horse. That's a trap for sure.

And you walk right past and about five, ten minutes later, you're outside the Crystal Bay Pirates lair. Same situation. Some dipshit from the shadows like who goes there? Milton, is that you? Yeah, it's me. What's up? We need to talk. That's a Ruby. Yeah. Okay. You guys are cool. Hey, Billy. Yeah. Thanks for saving my life. Oh, you're welcome. You're so welcome. Billy's crying about Allison. Yeah. Okay. And he furrows his brow a little bit and is like, I'm not going to get involved.

You guys head on in. Bye, Milton. And you head down and they direct you through the cavern. And you're seeing parts of the complex that you haven't seen because you realize. Holy shit. This cave network is fucking huge. You come into a cavern that's lit through a series of crystal mirrors in the roof. And it uses the sunlight from the sunset to make the room have this kind of beautiful orange purple glow. Wow.

And all around the room, there are tons and tons of what look like spa technicians making different onions and creams and powders and salves. And they're just. Like working away. And Rucolangela. Exactly. There's all these amazing. Thing is going nuts. There's so many herbs and poultices happening. He's just dipping his fingers in all of them and rubbing on his crow's feet. Is this working? Is this doing anything? And Ruby's walking up and down, like inspecting the work that's happening.

They're being packed into bottles and jars and into huge crates for shipping. And I go over to Ruby and I bring Allison with me. Ah. Ah. Hey. Hello. Tacoma. Hey. Uh. Uh. What? What's. Don't. Don't do this. What's the weather? How's the weather up there? You came inside from the outdoors, Tacoma. It's good outside. It's real nice. You look good. We don't have to do this. Sorry. I'm technically your captain. Yeah. You are. Well, you look. Your boots are. So shiny. I shine them. Thanks.

Well, I have somebody doing that. Is there something I can help you with? Allison's like, wait, did you guys fuck? Yeah. Allison is kind of bemusedly looking at the two of you. Like, so, uh, something happened here? No, shut up, Allison. This is my ex, Allison. And this is a captain, my captain and nothing else. Nothing happened. Yeah. Nothing. Nothing happened. Exactly. Do you think something happened? Shut up. Being high fives. Don't high five. Nothing happened.

I want it to be clear to everyone in this room. And she turns around and starts talking to the spa tax as well. I want it to be clear to everyone in this room that nothing happened between me and this. Oh, and the spot texts are like, why would she say that if nothing happened? Yeah. They're kind of laughing to each other. Like, yeah. Okay. Okay. I've heard. I've heard that one before. Uh, she says, what do you want? This is, uh, this is the job. This is Allison.

Ah, she puts the persona back on when she realizes that there's work to be done. She's like, ah, this is the charge that we shall be transporting across the open seas. Yeah. You need to get her out of town. Uh, there's some people looking for her, but she's fucking dangerous. Very well. You can't touch her. You can't touch her. You can't let anybody near her. But be nice to her. Like, don't be mean. She's a, and I, I'm like conflicted now. I'm like.

She, and Ruby realizes, oh, he's being serious about something, which is unusual in itself. Yeah. So she points you over to a small mouth in the side of the cave and you go through and you hear. And she leads you out into a cavern that is open to the sea. Like they have their own port. They're small vessels. She says, what, what's going on? She's a fucking succubus. A succubus. I know this was the deal. We got the ship back for you. You're going to get her out.

I didn't realize it was going to be such a dangerous mission. Look, the light guard are going to kill her. If you leave her, that's why we didn't. We had an accord this in exchange for two weeks service. Yes. And also. The ship that we already got you. I put out my hand. She shakes it. Did she have anything to say about what we changed it to? Less dander. Yeah. She's like. And we also got rid of this fucking set. Yeah. Just probably still in the water. Yeah.

Like as you were walking up the beach, you saw a bunch of like skids with ropes, like dragging it out of the water. Like we're going to be rich. And she says, less dander. Good choice. Considering we sell cosmetic products. Thanks. That was intentional. All right. We'll keep her here until a vessel is ready. It's going to be tough. Yeah. Ports are locked down. But thankfully, we have a means of egress of our own. We should be able to evade the customs officials. Great. All right.

This will be done. And when your time in Crystal Bay is through. You will return to me and you will take to the waves under my orders. Okay. Platonically. And I touch her shoulder. I won't be going with you. Okay. Great. Yeah, that's good. We'll keep her safe. Let's go. Okay. She takes you back into the main room where Bing and Billy have been watching Allison. Yeah. And I have a face mask on. And so does Bing. And I'm like, this one. And what does this one do? This one takes away freckles.

Oh, no. I wipe it off my face. Yeah. He got it just in time. There's maybe one of Billy's favorite freckles might be missing. Oh, my God. It's okay. I'll have it in my memories. Ruby comes in and says, all right, our accord stands. We will transport your prisoner to safety. Come along. And she points her sword, the point of her sword at Allison and kind of nudges her along. It's very clear. Ruby does not want to touch her. Yeah. And Allison is like, well, I guess this is it.

I run up and leap into Allison's arms to hug her. And I get a lot of face cream on her. And she holds you very tenderly. Very like genuinely. Yeah. Just be safe out there, Billy. You too, Allison. Thank you for everything. Thank you. Thanks for trying. You're welcome. She puts you down. I walk away. I don't even say anything. Thank you for being good to Billy. He's a good kid. You and Tuck, you're doing it. You're doing a good job. It's nice to see that he's grown a little bit. It is.

But that's the last you'll see him. I know. Good luck. And you. Allison turns away and Ruby leads her at sword point deeper into the cavern. Mm hmm. Hmm. I hate to see her leave, but I love to watch her go. I hate to. I hate to. I love. I love to watch her go. But I like to also watch her leave. One more. One more time. I don't mind seeing her go, but I love watching her leave. I hate to see her go, but I love to watch her leave. One more time. He said it. This many times.

Everyone's just standing around. He's trying to high five. Tuck is gone. Yeah. He's trying to. He's high fiving. Nobody. Like he's high. He's trying to high. But every time he does, he tries to high five a different like cosmetics manufacturing. And they're doing it. Work, work, work, work. Five. Yeah. Ever since he got his like human hands back, he's just been high fiving way, way more. He can't help it. Yeah. And you are free to leave. Yeah. Really?

I'm like, yeah, I'm at the mouth of the cave watching the ocean. How are you doing, Tuck? I'm fine. What do you mean? I don't know. It's weird to like feel ambivalent, you know, where it's like a breakup happens and then you see the person again and then they're a succubus and they fuck you over and they try and sell you out to a religious organization. I mean, it's tales all this time. But like when it happens. It happens to you. Man, I just. I wish she cared more. Yeah. Yeah.

She didn't have it in her. And that's the scene we end on is the sunset over Crystal Bay. Tuck and Ving having this heartfelt conversation. This has been Spout Lore. I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara with me as always playing Tacoma Dome, the Barbarian Abdul. I'm Sean O'Hara. I'm Sean O'Hara. I'm Sean O'Hara. So long. Playing Fat Billy, the Halfling Thief, Jessica Tai. Goodbye. Playing Ving, the Half-Elf Druid, Paul Oppers. Bye-bye. Thanks to Aaron Reed for our intro and outro music.

Thanks to Westlord for all the technical work. Thanks to Abdul for all the editing. And thanks to Adam Kobel and Sage Latoura for the creation of Dungeon World, which can be found at Google.com. And thanks to our Patreon supporters for supporting us on Patreon. If you want to support us on Patreon, you can hear a shit ton of bonus content, including our Blades in the Dark.

Campaign spout more Mall Brats which takes place in the high spear mall and features the cool treat kids as of this recording we played the first session last night and it was pretty fun so we'll probably have a little preview of that on the main feed so check that out and we will see you next time bye everybody so long bye bye join the fan club bye bye and so ends the tale of adventures three who tried the best they can though dumb and scared and lost they be for times of breast in revelry and though our journey may be a conclusion we will not leave you without a resolution a next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores and for you I'd gladly spout more.

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape, and wields a spear with great might Peely's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends, and listen close For the tale's about to start Hi everybody, welcome to Spellt Lore I'm your Game Master, Sean And joining me as always, playing Tacoma the Dome Tacoma the Dome Tacoma the Dome, the Bar-berry-home A Bar-berry-own, Abdulaziz Uh, hi everybody And playing Ving, the half-elf druid, Paul Oppers Hello everybody And playing Fat Billy, the halfling thief, Jessica Tai Hello everyone When last we left our heroes, things weren't great They had just left their friend slash Question mark, question mark, question mark, Allison the succubus With Ruby Tunesday of the Crystal Bay Pirates As part of their agreement In which the pirates would get Allison out of town And what started off as a way of helping a friend ended with a way of getting rid of a not friend And how's everybody feeling about that?

Uh, Tuck is very hurt, his feelings are really hurt Mhm Dealing with it like a child, which is By just telling everyone that his feelings are hurt and pouting Haha How's Ving feeling about it? He is very guarded of Tuck And also comforting Billy because Billy's feeling the loss of a slightly babysittery vibe Yeah, how's Billy feeling about it?

Yeah, he feels the loss of Allison And he is sad because he feels like we abandoned her Um, and like gave her up And he just really thinks the best of everyone And he's like They didn't see what I saw in her Yeah Other things that happened, the body of Rebecca the concierge was found drowned in the hotel room From the inside out Right Mysteries abound in a bone dry room Mhm Uh, and Perel dealt with the body by magically transmuting it slowly through the mattress Freddy Krueger style Yeah, pretty gross Freddy Prince Jr.

Style Yeah Mier set up a meeting with Jaunter of the Yeah, pretty gross Yeah, pretty gross With Jaunter of the DeSomme Creek Theater Society And a mender, apparently, uh, at a library soon-ish Mhm Where you're all supposed to meet him And Perel went off to meet Mier's and also get some clothes And give him back up while he waits for us to show up to the meeting Yeah, exactly So, that's sort of your next, the next thing on your docket is go meet Mier's and Perel and Jaunter And try to figure out what the fuck is Jaunter doing Yeah, what's his deal Yeah Oh, and Ving got his crystals under control.

Yes. And now we can hide them like a tummy symbol, like a symbol on his chest in the form of an amethyst. And how are we doing it? Well, it's a geo-style cave in your chest, which is kind of body horror-y. Yeah. It's so cool. But also, we said it also traced the lines of your scars, too. Oh, yeah. So you've got your normal hands back, but you've got these veins of crystal? Is that what it is? Yeah. Like a ribbon, like a vein within the rock. Wow. Yeah.

But it's very fluid because it's become one with his skin. Yeah. And he's in full control. So I think we decided that, or at least something that I am comfortable with, is that with your shapeshift move, you can decide to use that hold to create objects. Sweet. And young Billy had a dream into his own past where it was implied that he may have had a hand in knitting the Wittershins and the Sunwise Rivers together. Well, it wasn't implied. I… Expressly said it.

And I was the only one who knit them together. I know that. I'm just saying that the memories of an amnesiac fairy, who know? No, that is what happened. Billy knitted the rivers together an untold amount of years ago. But who else might have been there? Who can say? In the shadows, who's that? It's Jack Spratt, who eats no fat, and his wife, who eats no lean. Two new characters I've decided to introduce. Fat and lean? Yeah. A fat person and a lean person. Hi, what's up? We're fat and lean.

And this is an original song. We don't play instruments. We just make noises. Thanks for fat and lean. And everybody in the Coronetta… Fat and lean is played. On a small stage, people clap and fat and lean get off stage. So something that happens as you're coming up the beach from the Crystal Bay Pirates hideout is into the main square of Crystal Bay where the Coronetta main celebration is happening. You ran into one of the…

The dumbest and least into his job's customs officials ever because he had a handful of drawings of you guys. Right. And was looking you in the face. I was like, are you saying these people? But we were all kind of in disguise. You were in disguise. I was in disguise. I still am. You're a monster man with gills. He definitely saw you. And you're a little baby boy that is wearing a raccoon skin. Yeah.

So something that's happening right now is there are more members of the Crystal Bay customs house. Yeah. Yeah. House that are currently on the lookout for you. So you see people in their outfits. They got the tri-corner hats, the long coats. Think any villain from the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie. That's not a zombie. And they're looking around. They're asking people. They're harassing a lot of festival goers. Fuck. There's a bunch of Commander Norrington's out here. Exactly.

Commodore Norrington is in full supply. Because basically you all indirectly cost a lot of people a lot of money. And also you escape. You escaped from the custody of Jack Boot, who's like pissed. So what do you do? How do you get through this crowd without getting spotted? Well, I am in disguise. What should we? Tacoma Dome is seven feet tall. He is five feet wide. And at the very least, if he is in disguise, he is painted bone white. He is the most conspicuous person in town. Okay.

So that's not going to get you through. They're at least going to approach you because they're like, let's go. Look, let's go ask that human landmark if they saw anything. Well, we won't know until we roll. That's true. I feel like I should also disguise. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Billy just has disguise. I know. Yeah. I was thinking the things after like if it's not for nefarious dealings, maybe you feel a little more comfortable to shape shift and kind of move through with a couple of disguised people.

Oh, like change. You do a different person. Well, you don't have doppelgangers dance. No, no, no. To like a bird. Like a dog. Yeah. What? Just the number of times that one of the cast has been a dog. Yeah. It's just so funny that a beast of burden like a dog. They're the most burdens. Burden. Burden. Yeah. This is my dog. Burden. Burden. Burden. Burden. What's the word you're looking for? Burdensome. Burden. Yes. Okay. Wait. No. Hold on. I want people to tell me what they're doing.

I guess I'm trying to play up the belly dancer part of my physique. Okay. And I'm like, so I guess I'm trying to look really alluring. I'm like doing a bunch of like those hip moves that belly dancers do. Okay. So Tuck's going to be doing a belly dancer move. Thing is potentially shape shifting. I was also thinking of maybe using. Eyes of the tiger. I'm getting a bird's eye view of where everybody is from the Thunderbird and then moving through the crowd with that knowledge. Yeah.

Avoiding them all. It's a little less. I think it's more aligned with what's happening with Ving. Yeah. Shape shifting right now. So I'm going to use Mark and the animal. When it's okay. Something for the listener. If you don't listen to the level up stuff on Patreon, Ving has taken the move animal companion. So now he has mechanical benefits from this bond with his Thunderbird companion.

But that also means that he now doesn't have direct control over the storm bringing nature of the Thunderbird. So he's his two trainings are travel and fight humanoids. Yeah. And what's Billy going to do? I'm also going to I'm going to use disguise. There's a cost. There's like lots of market carts or whatever stands. And I'm going to take some shit. Oh, I know. It's a plant cart. And I steal a bush and I get in it. It's just a bush. Like that scene in Peter Pan. Yeah, totally. Oh, wow. Okay.

Is it the thing where the bush is moving? And then when someone looks at pops down. Yeah. Okay. So Tuck's going to give me a defy danger charisma. Ving's going to give me defy danger wisdom. And Billy's going to. Give me defy danger dexterity. Yeah. Okay. Also really like a bush eating potato edges. Keep grabbing everything as it walks by. Just shoving it into the bush. Poutine. Yum. Yum. There's so much gravy on this bush. I think that bush just pickpocketed me. What's a poutine? Bush. 10. 12.

Whoa. Wow. Eight. Okay. So two unmitigated successes from Tuck and Ving. Billy gets a seven to eight, which means that he doesn't completely succeed. And what? What does that mean? Do we think? I don't know. He gets a bunch of gravy on the bush. Yeah. Okay. I think what it is, is you get through the crowd. Tuck, you're just, you're just feeling the music, man. You're dancing through really getting into the belly dancers vibe. Fat and lean's music is actually really good for belly. Keto. Keto.

Keto. Keto. Keto. Keto. Keto. Keto. Keto. Keto. Keto. Keto. Keto. Keto. Keto. Keto. Keto. Keto. Keto. Keto. Keto. Keto. Keto. And yeah, and Ving, you're looking through eyes that are so high, high above you. And you can see that like Tuck is going to dance like too close to a customs official. So you're like, boop, you bop him. I dance him over. Yeah, exactly. I like grab him and lead him, twirl him. Ooh. Oh, we're dancing together. We're dancing together, but I'm using my, my, yeah. Yeah.

The knowledge of where everybody is. And it's, it's interesting because you're like, I didn't, I had no idea where this Thunderbird was. But apparently it's above me. It's been following me or something. Yeah. Cause it can fly anywhere. It perches in the sea of graves. So like, why is it still out here? Why is it following me around? And at this point you realize the crowd is so dense that Billy's bush disguise on top of being unnecessary has made it so small. It didn't have to be.

The square is like packed. Right. Yeah. So I'm actually, and I, and I actually, I actually grabbed the pokiest tree. I didn't know it. So people are moving away from you. Yeah. They're, they're actually looking at me like, ow, what the fuck is this? What hit me? It's a monkey puzzle tree. What is this thing? The Colorado blue spruce. Yeah. And you're also like grabbing people's food as you walk by. So you've got like gravy and sauce all in the bush. There's mustard all over it. Yeah.

And you get to the other side. You get to the other side of the crowd. And tuck and finger like, okay, here we are. Oh, and there's Billy. Cause people are moving out of his way. Cause he keeps stabbing them. And you're like, oh great. Okay, let's go. And as you're walking away, you see Billy's leaving footprints of sauce, like on the cobblestone sauce. Fucking sauce. Did he grab like too much? Like probably too much. Right.

So you're walking through the crowd and you come out and you're leaving these footprints like yellow, brown, red, orange. How are they alternating sauce? Is he on all fours? Yeah, I guess. But you see a customs official as you're walking away, see the footprints and start following them. He ducks down. He puts his finger in it. Mmm. And goes to each one tasting the sauce. Is it Jack Boot? No, it's not Jack Boot. Cause he would be like on your ass like a dog. Okay.

So this person looks like the skinny one from the fat and skinny guards from Pirates of the Caribbean. Okay. So he's got a ponytail. He's really lean. He's got a little bit of a tail. He's got a hook nose and he's like, Oh, what's, what's this thing? And he starts following the trail. So what do you do? I could try and seduce him. Uh huh. With my belly dancer costume. Yeah. Yeah. You defy danger charisma. Good luck, buddy.

So yeah, I dance over to him because I noticed that he's like tasting these different sauces that Billy's leaving behind. Uh, and I like go over to him and I get in front of him and I start like shaking the fake boobs that Perel gave me in his face and like doing a bunch of belly dance. The liquid cantaloupes. Yeah. And, and, and just going, Oh, of all the people here, you're the one that I'm most sexually attracted to. I've got a sauce you might like to taste.

And I'm tapping into the character from last time where I was like, also, I have face blindness. Right? Yeah. 11. All right. Uh, so he, he, he's tasting sauces and he hears you say, Oh, I'm going to go. Okay. So he's like, Oh, I'm so attracted to you. And he, he sees your boots and he slowly walks his eyes. All seven feet. How tall is he? Like five, five. And he's like, Oh, hello, miss. I like how he's not even sure. What can I do for you this evening? I'm watching you. I'm watching you.

I'm watching you. I'm watching you. You come on a little bit of customs business. I like a man who knows his business. Oh, I know some business as well. Well, maybe you can help me. Mr. Custom man. Please. Please call me web web. I'm such a strong name. It's before this name. To Ricketts, but it's still a good name. We're not even sure how you die of Ricketts. It's more like a joint thing, but he did. He did. My father, he. I ain't got no Ricketts. Just want to clear that up.

Nice and straight I am. Straight up and down like a board. Oh yeah, I can see how straight you are. You're almost like a piece of paper. That's what they say. I don't like it, but they say it. I was just following this here trailer sources. Oh yeah, there's a little sauce monkey running around here, stealing coins. A sauce monkey you say? I saw him go that way. And then I point in the opposite direction that Billy is.

Now I want to say that your unmitigated success was for seduction, not misdirection. The sauce monkey's still at prophylactics and I would like to have sex with you as quickly. As quickly as possible. I can do quick. Sauce monkey, eh? Is that like a little man that you call a sauce monkey because he's covering sauce? No, it's a little monkey that's been drinking ketchup and mustard.

I've never heard of a sauce monkey before, but if it, if my tracking this little creature down means we get to the what's and who's a little bit quicker, I'm off quick as a big bulb. Okay, bye. What? He's walking away as he hears you say, okay, bye. But he's in the crowd and you have a chance to get away. Okay. Yeah. Let's get out of here. There's Weblam. He's been dispersed. So yeah, what's your plan now? Are we at the library? I've thrown off my tree. Okay. Yeah, you're just wearing clothes.

Yeah, we're just hurrying down an alleyway to get to the library. Okay. And yet Mirrors gave you directions to the library. It is the one with all the books we know. Wow. Mirrors direction fucking sucks. Accurate though. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He said that he was meeting Jaunter at a place called the Thorough Kilby Memorial Library, which is in sort of a nicer area of town. So it is a library that used to be an apartment complex. And then it was bought by the city because nobody lived there anymore.

And they turned it into a library memorializing some figure. So it's three stories made a very fine quarried stone from the coast of Crystal Bay. So, okay, here's something I want to know. Are you guys just going in or are you? No, we're trying to find discern realities. Yeah. Well, you see, okay, so you're a pro. Okay. Yeah. Discern realities. Yeah. Oh, five plus my wisdom. Yeah. Seven. Okay. So you get one question from the discern realities list. I will say because it's very obvious.

Mirrors is at the front entrance. You see him kind of like looking around trying to be casual. What about Perel? Perel is nowhere to be seen. Oh my fucking God. What? Here's not what it seems to be. Does that make sense? Yeah. Would have been nice to be a surprise. It's a good question to ask. You see Ving because you've seen a few of them now. The light guard.

There are a few people milling like standing in a clump by a pomegranate cart and they're just picking up pomegranates and then putting them down and then picking them up and putting them down and they're wearing cloaks like heavy cloaks, but they're very clearly they're all they've all got the like they're all McCall in you can tell and they're all like jacked like they're shredded warriors. You can tell those are like guard warriors and they're here as well and they're acting casual.

Yeah, they're putting up they're picking up and putting down pomegranates with like almost a mechanical rigidity where they're like they're not even looking at those pomegranates. They're like undercover cops where their shirts are perfectly ironed and their jeans are perfectly ironed and they're walking around with clear body armor underneath their hoodies just looking for drugs. Just me looking for normal drugs and you're like how the fuck did you get your hat so clean and ironed baseball hat?

How have you not been thrown in a trunk at some point in your career? Yeah, so that's what you see as you see there are members of the light guard nearby great. So we duck out of view for them. Yeah, you guys. Are kind of out of view right now.

You guys came down like a pretty narrow straight on Avenue that had shops and apartment apartments above those shops on either side and you're now in the shadow of one of those buildings directly in front of you across like a 40 foot wide street is the library inside this old apartment building and the street goes to the left and right and then turns around the library on the right side is where the light guard are in front of the pomegranate cart and to the left of the entrance of the library is where mirrors is standing guys.

Look at that. Look at those guys. Oh, is that I'm there? No. Okay, he's not with them. Okay. What should we do? Come over. Sorry. Yep. That's better than what I was going to say, which was get down on all fours and pretend to be a dog. Basically, this is a load of the ground as possible. This is a relatively more quiet like Market Street. There's just people selling food and drinks. So there's not as much crowd cover as there was.

Maybe can we create like a fire cell on pomegranates for the people in the other marketplace? So like I'm rushing in. Oh, that would be funny if we like ran back. We're like these guys are selling pomegranates for 20 cents. That's a great idea. This is fighting Neo. Okay. Yeah. Is that what you're going to do? You're going to try and create some sort of yet to like rush the cart draw the crowd. Yeah. So who's doing it? I could be a newsboy. Oh, yeah. Great. Yeah.

This will be a defy danger charisma because you're trying to convince a bunch of people. Fuck. I hate these dice. Six. Oh, yeah. Somebody can wait. Yeah, we can. Okay. Who wants to come with me or help me? I'll come help you because I'll like go and like hold them up so that he because he can't no one can see him. So we go back to the square together and I have them on my shoulder to do the announcement. And I'm also jiggling my fake boobs. So people look at me. You're holding me.

Really high in there. Ten. All right. Sweet. So what does Billy say? Here you hear you looking over this way pomegranates on sale for ten cents a piece. Let me repeat. Ten cents a pomegranate. And people are like, oh, what? You say ten cents? Ten cents. And just kidding. Now they're two for ten cents. Two for ten cents. Just follow me. Two for ten cents. For a pomegranate. Holy shit. And a bunch of people start milling over and hustling down the street as we're going down the street.

I start pretending to run. I'm like, I'm going to buy all of the pomegranate more people that show up the cheaper they get. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. I like I try to create a sense of urgency by pushing a nerd. I see running beside me. Be like, get out of the way, nerd. I'm going to get there first. And you push this nerd down and he hits the dirt and he looks at you. And he says, I'm never going to forget that you did this to me. Ever. It's a good thing I'm in disguise. Seven to nine.

I will never forget how you wronged me today. You and the little one. Both of you. I'm not disguised. I'll never forget how you have wronged me. And we just keep running. I go to, I turn to Billy. I'm like, hopefully that doesn't come back to bite us in the ass. I yell back. I'm so, I'm so sorry. So what do we hear him yelling at us as we run away? Lionel McKenzie King never forgets a face. Face. Face. Some shingles fall off a nearby building.

The sound of his rage reverberates across the rooftop as he gets trampled by the crowd and he is killed. Oh, thank God. He's going to come back from. The dead to kill us. Wow, what a dumb seven to nine. You've now made an enemy life. Okay, so a bunch of people pile in and rush the pomegranate cart and the light guard members are like overwhelmed by the number of people. Ving is just like they're free. It's a free out of my way. There's this pomegranate merchant going like what is happening?

And it's a whole it's a whole situation. Guards start showing up to be like get off this guy and there's just pandemonium. What do you do? We get to the door. We ball. Yeah, we run. All right. So yeah, mere sees you and his eyes are like widening widening. What did you do? What are you? What are you doing here? There's light guard in the fucking courtyard. Didn't didn't get in. So we yeah, we duck in. Yeah, and it's it's like after hours based.

Well, it's not after hours because the sun is still setting and has been for a million years, but there's not very many people here. Nobody cares about the library during the Coronado. There's maybe a few people in here making out, but they're in the study rooms fucking yeah, it's just like University Library at like 1030 p.m. Yeah. Yeah, so much fucking is happening.

Yeah, there's a staff member at the front asleep because they haven't officially closed since the sun hasn't set because they just finished fucking sounds exhausted. So mirrors is like, okay, I'm supposed to meet John here, but you just stay out of sight because if he knows you're here, it's going to be a lot more complicated. Okay, we don't know how many other men there are here. Yeah, right. Let's let's pick our Heidi zones. There's those who you can move the shelves of books back and forth.

There's different levers. So Bing makes like a little cordon off kind of fort. Yeah. Peter through them separate the books poke at one book there one book there. So it's just like I slot. I just get into the bookshelf and move some books aside. I'm like, here we go. Yeah, I'm sideways. I sit at a table and I steal a nerd's glasses and I put them on and I pick up a book and I'm like, I love words upside down the book is upside down. You put the glasses on top of your belly dancer costume. Yes.

Wow, just layers. If one disguise is good, three disguises is the best. Yeah, it's like a 1930s joke where he's reading the book. It's upside down with the glasses on and he's like kind of laughs at himself like shakes his head and then takes the glasses and turns them upside down and there we go. That's like a Buster Keaton. Yeah. Fucking very yeah, man. So yeah, Amir says that he was supposed to meet.

He's supposed to meet jaunter in the back near like the arts section in where that where all the plays are. I kind of want one at least one of you to roll to see how effective your hiding places. What about Billy is disguise? You just use that again as well. Yeah, I guess it's yeah, I would say that I would think that works like Billy's able to make a place look more hidden. You don't have to roll for disguise. That's the thing. I think with Billy's disguise it applies to all of us.

Yeah, because he's making like the place hidden. Okay. Yeah, so he's like, no, you got to put this here so you can't see but you can still see through this. Yeah, he stack. He puts a bunch of books in front of me where I'm pretending to read so that I open for them to make it look like you're doing a lot of reading studying trick to hiding in a bag of potatoes is you have to look like a potato and he puts a scrunchie in Ving's hair. So he looks like a librarian. Oh, yes.

I tie a little scarf around. I tie my blanket around his neck to make it look like a fancy French. Yes, off the side. Yeah, Billy's just doing us up, right? Yeah, totally. And Mears is like places everyone. I love books. You're hiding. You've made a fort out of books. I'm saying that to the book. So the book doesn't suspect me. You're saying out loud a disguise inside your hidden fort of books. So it's at this point you're sitting there and you you're settling into.

Your hiding place that you realize just how quiet the library is with the exception of the occasional breathy moan from the other side. You're just like gross and you hear like footsteps going into the part of the library where Mears is and you're I'm glad you can make it. Mears is like, oh, yeah, this is it's always nice to make contact with another uh, another mender. Thank you for meeting with me, especially on such a short notice. I really appreciate it. Jaunter says no problem.

Uh, you came armed. Mears is like always. I don't think that's necessary as you get to know me. I think you'll know that that you don't you don't have anything to fear from me. So what did you want to meet about? And Mears says I've just been hearing some rumors about how things are going in the principalities. I used to be on Maggie Cole's crew and Jaunter pauses for like a while goes, oh, yes, I've been hearing some things about her as well.

Some information that she's been spreading about how bad things are and the work that actually needs to be done. Mears says, yeah, I've been hearing the same things. What have you been hearing? And Jaunter says, oh, you know, I've been hearing the same things. What have you been hearing? And Jaunter says, oh, you know, I've been hearing the same things.

Oh, you know, ancient armies returning from battlefields, long fought and long ended some flooding in the riverways, dragons rampaging through the capital, all that sort of stuff. Mears is like, hmm. Okay, interesting. Well, I I'm new to the Mender Society, but I'd be happy to to lend a hand. If you think you could use any additional hands on the road, I'd be happy to. Yeah. To lend any expertise that I might have gained in my short time with the society.

Jaunter goes, that would be, I think, a boon to me. If we're to set things right in the principalities, I'm going to need all the help that I can get. And you can, Billy, from your perch in the bookshelf, you see Jaunter starting to like step a little bit closer to Mears to sort of close the gap between them. And he says, you wouldn't happen to know anything about three individuals that came to the Mender Society. Just to town within the last few days. A large axe wielding bearded warrior.

When Jaunter says that, like Tuck just hides his axe like under the table and then pushes over a stack of books on top of it. He says, a wild man of some sort of elfin ancestry. And goes, shh. As a librarian. And Jaunter leaves. And Jaunter leaves. And Jaunter lowers his voice and says, a small halfling child wearing a raccoon skin. Billy lets out a silent fart. I like the idea that as he's saying this, Billy is like nine inches from Jaunter's face. And it's deadly.

He pulls out a squeeze bottle of mustard that he grabbed earlier. And he's just like. Yeah. And they've been trapped. And they're traveling in the company of another man. Sort of middle aged. Human-ish. Kind of got a pallid skin tone. Glasses. You wouldn't know anything about that, would you? And Miers goes, no. No. I haven't heard. I haven't seen any of these kinds of people. Not any people I've seen. No. I haven't. I haven't seen them. I can't think of. No. See. No. See. No. Not for me.

None of this. We're all listening to this lie be executed. We're all just like, oh, what a fucking idiot. Yeah. And you hear Jaunter pause. And Billy, you see him smile a little bit and laugh just a little bit. He says, Miers, why would you think that it's a good idea to lie to me? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. It's a good idea to lie to me.

I know. I know it all. And it was pretty dumb of you to come alone. Oh, I shoot first. So when Jaunter says that, Billy stops mid-squeeze of the mustard. Sorry, I forgot about the mustard for a second. And a little bit pools out on the corner of his mouth. Yeah, definitely. So I'm going to shoot first, which means I'm never caught by surprise. And what I'm going to do is I'm going to choose to use backstab. Okay, what does backstab do?

So when I attack a surprised or defenseless enemy with a melee weapon, I can choose to deal damage or roll dexterity. And on 10+, I choose to this list here. Okay, roll for it. Math. Nine. Nice. So you get to choose one from the backstab list. Why don't you nail Dagger's foot into the ground? Oh, good idea. Yeah, can't go anywhere. So that could be the advantage. The advantage, too, is you're giving somebody a plus one because you're immobilizing them.

Yeah, I'm immobilizing him by pinning the knife through his foot into the ground. So what does this look like? Jaunter moves close to Mir's, who's getting nervous, and you can see him moving his hand towards his sword. And Jaunter says, it's pretty stupid of you to come alone. Yeah, and like one second after that, he feels the worst pain ever through his foot. And it's just because I leapt out like a silent ninja. And landed all my weight.

And I dove first like I'm diving into a pool, but with the dagger. Put all my weight into it. And it stabs right through the top of his like ratty, poor actor boot into the wooden floor underneath. And he just screams. Yeah, he's like, the raccoon stabbed me in the foot. And Mir's backs up out of the stack, like into the corridor between the tight rows of books and draws his sword and just, tries to get ready for what's going on. Oh, I like that he backs up because the shelves are movable.

He backs up and then kicks one of the shelves and like, and then. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So cool. So he backs up into the corridor, draws a sword, and just waits to see what happens. What happens? When he yells, the little ones here, Mir's backs up and goes, ah! And looks to his side and two light guard warriors come out from behind a different bookshelf and they start advancing on Mir's. Yeah, what do you do? Do I have a clear, clear line of sight to Mir's? No.

He's in a weird position where he's kind of diagonal from where your little shelf enclosed fort is. Uh-huh. So you can't see him through this corner. Can I see the two light guard warriors that are moving? No, they're both on that side. You can see Jaunter through the gap that Billy created when he pushed through the books. So yeah, I get up and I throw the table in front of me out of the way and I take the axe and I cut through the shelf that's next to Jaunter. Whoa. Cool.

And I'm like, hey, Jaunter. Okay. Give me a defy danger strength. 11. Okay. Yes. You just shatter this bookshelf. Uh-huh. Wait, are you wanting to do like a cool samurai cut where you just cut through it and then move? That's not Tuck style. He just two-handed like he's chopping a tree down smashes through the bookshelf. Okay. Yeah. So you obliterate the bookshelf next to him and Jaunter's still there howling with this knife in his foot. When he sees you, he just yells, they're all here.

And you see two more people more warriors come out from the other side behind Jaunter and strolling up behind them is Fatim. Fuck. Yeah. And he says in such a douchey way and he's like, I was worried I wasn't going to get to scrap today. What the fuck is wrong with this guy? He got worse since we were kids. He certainly did. Shit gets worse over time. And you can smell that acrid smell that Ving and Billy, when you met him in the, in the courtyard at the DeSomme Creek Theater Society tents.

This like weird, pungent, like chemical smell. Fucking gross aftershave. Yeah. Fucking take a shower. I think he pisses lighter fluid. He's made of gasoline. And he takes that big, long hammer looking weapon that he has off his back. The one with the ball with the holes in it and the long pole. And he's just standing at the edge of the bookshelf just waving to tuck. Come on out, beautiful. Does he know who I am? Not yet. Okay.

You're still technically wearing a disguise and he's dumb as a fucking brick. So there's two light guards in front of him and then it's fat. Yeah. And then there's two with mirrors. Yeah. So Fatum waves over at tuck who he sees is the biggest, most weapon wielding person in the room says, come on out, beautiful. And then Ving steps out and is like, you talking to me? I assume.

And like whips his, the French scarf off and like takes a scrunchie out of his hair and does like a real Vidal Sassoon move before he moves into, um, elementary mastery and calls on the wind to push all the books. It makes like a vortex. All right. To bury one of the, I guess I can only aim at one group. Yeah. You've got the two warriors in front of Fatum, which yeah, you would definitely just nail them full on if you did it right. Yeah. I'm gonna try and bury him in books. All right.

I hope you like a heavy reading. So what is it? Two to six plus wisdom? Yes, it is. Okay. Nice. 10. Yes. So what happens on a 10 plus with elemental master? I get to choose two of these. The effect I desire to come is to pass avoid paying nature's price and I retain control. I will not avoid paying nature's price. Okay. Classic. Wind is like, you again. Well, before you break our deal, I'm going to get what I want.

The books start flying off the shelves from behind Ving and he gets nailed in the head by a few heavy volumes as they tear past. So roll a d6. Four. Oh. Whoa. So you take four damage. Oh my God. Plus my armor. So three. Yeah. And then the books fly forward and pick up more and more as the wind sails down the corridor and a huge pile of books just plow into the two light guard warriors in front of Fatim knocking them to the ground. And I really was inspired by Ving's fucking sweet fight pun.

Uh-huh. So I wanted to do one too and I'm like, eat books, nerds. And, uh, and that one I am actually proud of. First time in the series. Yeah. That one. Uh, and Fatim gets hit by a few books, but he seems unperturbed. Uh-huh. Books never made an impact in my life before. Not gonna happen now. Whoa. We've got these two fucking stupid storm fronts approaching each other and it's gonna create a hurricane of idiots. Yeah, totally. And what's happening, what's happening with Mears?

Mears is, uh, trying to fight two people. Wow. And he's barely fighting one of them. Oh no. Oh no. But it's, it, he, you see Mears for a second and you're like, oh fuck, he's kind of good at this. He's holding one off with the sword and he sees the eyes of the one he's fighting look behind him as the guy behind him brings his sword blade down and he just lifts his hand and you just hear clang as he grabs the blade with his metal fingers. Cool. And he throws the sword off.

Uh, and he turns and now he's fighting both of them at once and he screams, where the fuck is Perel? Uh, so for a second we cut to where Perel has been this whole time and he's in a hat store and there's a guy behind the counter with this, uh, wide brimmed hat and he's like, okay, do you want the hat in a box or in a bag? And Perel's like, I don't care. So what does Billy do? Uh, Billy is gonna go after the two, uh, guards or whatever beside Mears. Yeah, totally. Sounds good. Sweet.

So you have another opportunity for backstab again since they're trying to, they're walking and trying to get Mears. Of course. I will do this. Okay. Okay, so I have my regular dagger and my throwing dagger and I have them in both hands and I'm gonna move along with the wind. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Big twirls. Ha-cha! Do I roll? Uh, you can or you can just, deal your damage straight up. Okay, I'll deal my damage straight up. Okay, so just roll your damage. I'm gonna cut your shins, bitches!

Oh, my God. Seven. Oh. Seven damage. Oh, my God. Oh, yes! Billy. Achilles heel. So Billy kills one of these guys. Oh, shit. Yeah. Oh, fuck. Yeah. Yes. Uh, yeah, so how does Billy kill one of these dudes? Well, I slash one of the, uh, Achilles heels, tendons or whatever of one of the guards and I go for the other but he is trying to get out of the way of a book so he, like, gets down on a knee and I hit him in that big artery in the thigh and it's just, like, blood.

And he falls on the ground and grabs his leg and he's like, oh! And he starts yelling in Macaulayne and, Tuck, you just hear him go, there's some kind of friggin' monster in here! Oops. There's some kind of friggin' monster in here. This little raccoon? Yeah, because the one and the one that was, uh, that you didn't kill was the one that was closer to Mears and it turned, he turned, turns around and sees you and is like, oh!

Yeah, and he's yelling, he's yelling the Arabic word for, I guess, the Macaulayne word for, like, uh, like a little trickster demon who kills people and he's like, Ifrit! Ifrit! Ifrit! That's dope. Pretty sweet. Yeah. And he's still trying to fight Mears and Mears has got a little bit of an advantage because he's distracted by the fact that some monster just killed his friend. Uh-huh. Like a monster from the Outer Dark. Yeah, totally. Is where the Ifrit come from. Yeah. Yeah. Cool.

Oh, hey, uh, give me a quick Outlander description. What stories did Tuck hear about Ifrit in Macaulayne? Uh, so, in Macaulayne, there's, like, all these, like, uh, kids' stories that all the kids that live on the street pass between each other just about, like, monsters that prowl the streets of Macaulayne like hunting kids, specifically.

So there's the Ifrit, which are sort of, like, mindless gremlins that come out of the waters and they'll, like, kind of drag you to hell, which is to the Outer Dark, according to the Macaulayne people. Mm-hmm. Whoa. Has Tuck ever seen an Ifrit? Yeah, everyone has. Oh. Like, it's, there's, like, there are, like, nursery rhymes and rules about, like, if you see Ifrit, what can you do? Like, you look for streets that are made of wood, not stone. Try and get closer to the lighthouse.

Also, uh, try and find saffron that has come into the city through the Tallow Road. Those are the three. Cool. So some kids just carry around little pouches of saffron with them. Like, yeah, that's, like, the first thing you do when you're an orphan is you save up enough begging money to buy a pouch of saffron. Because it's a talisman against Ifrit? Yeah. Wow. Does Tuck have any saffron on him? He always has it on him. So he still has saffron from when he was a street kid? Yeah. Wow. Mm-hmm.

Uh, okay, so what is Tuck doing now in this fight? You hear somebody screaming Ifrit, and you're like, oh, yeah, there's Macaulayne. These guys are from Macaul. That's nice. It's nice to hear the old screams. It's like being a kid again where two streets over, you hear someone scream Ifrit, Ifrit, and you're like, that kid's gonna die. That's a dead kid. Clutch your saffron around your neck. Yeah, you clutch your saffron and you run to the fucking lighthouse.

I wonder if his cans will still be there in the morning. Yeah. So what does Tuck do? Uh, so Tuck turns to Fatto, and he's like, and he pulls the veil off, and he's like, remember me? And Fatto says, should I? And then he's like, oh, right, and then he takes the glasses off, and he's like, remember me now? Tacoma. And he says, oh, Tacoma, same as ever, just a chunky little monkey. What are you, seven feet now? Yes. Yeah. Bet you wish you were a strong seven one like your bad boy Fatto over here.

Look like you're in a bulk phase. No, I've been cutting. Yeah? Meals out of your diet? Slowly? Too slowly to lose weight. I eat one meal a day, maybe, and it's all protein. This is a conversation I've heard at several gyms that I've been a member. Yeah, totally. I remember. Yeah. He's the worst of all of the bros that I've ever known. Tuck is like, he's talking to him, and he's like, well, I might be a chunky little monkey, but this monkey's hungry for bananas. And he bites his dick.

And he actually Fatto's eyes narrow, like, furrow, like, what? And Tuck uses that confusion moment to, like, kick up a heavy dictionary of, like, fun comebacks, and he's like, and then baseball bat it into, uh, Fatto's dick. So what, what could you possibly be rolling to do this? Defy danger dexterity, I guess. Yeah, you gotta be fast for this. Yeah. All right. I have zero dexterity. Well, not, it's gonna show. Ten. Ten. Well, fuck me. Okay.

He, uh, you say, this chunky little monkey is hungry for bananas. Fatto goes, that doesn't even make, make any sense, you little bit, and gets wailed right in the dick by a dictionary, and, uh, Fatto rolls over and goes, my dick! I want to do a hack and slash. Okay. So 2d6 push strength. Holy shit. God. Fuck. 13. Good God. Okay. So yeah, roll your damage. Seven. Ugh. Oh, nice. So what do you do?

So he, he goes down, and then the first thing I do is I jump over the two light guard warriors that are buried in books. So I like jump, and as I'm coming down, I bring my axe down on top of him, like, blade side down. Yeah. And I, I'm like, Larry! Uh, so you're coming down, and he rolls backwards. Like, he tries to do a back roll from a sitting position, and does this really clumsy backwards somersault as you're coming down, but you slice, slice this huge gash down his back. Sick.

And blood, starts pouring pretty quick. You cut him fairly deep, and he gets up to his feet, and he's like, oh, my back, and my dick. Oh, ugh. Oh, Tacoma, I've been waiting for this for a long time. Every once in a while, I remember you, you chunky little monkey. I'm putting this monkey to monkey jail now. This guy's obsessed with monkeys.

And he hefts his hammer, and he grabs the bottom, and he twists it, and you hear it click a couple times, and you see it, you smell a really pungent cloud of that acrid chemical smell, and flames start curling from inside the head of his hammer. What the fuck? The head of his hammer is wreathed in fire. And Tuck is like, sick. And he's like, yeah, pretty sick. And we cut to Ving. I kind of wanted to use my newfound mastery of the crystals. Oh, yeah. And turn my spear into a crystal spear.

Oh, sick! What he does is slams the spear down on the ground, and it just like, makes this crazy sound, but it looks like the spear. And then he leans back with the spear like a javelin throw, and hucks it as far as he could, but the spear remains in his hand, but out of the spear comes a crystal spear. Whoa! It flies through the air, and slams into the guy at Fatum's feet right as he's getting up. Fucking cool. So sick. Is this a shape shift? Would it be a shape shift or a volley?

I was thinking it could be an interesting way that you can volley now. Yeah. Like you could basically just create ammunition. Because like, the crystal stuff is just part of him. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Pretty sick. Wow. There we go. You guys got so cool. Yeah, we're pretty cool. Four. Fuck. Five. Five. Oh, fuck. Damn it. Okay. Shit. Okay. Remember how cool we were for a second, guys? I'm so sorry. No. This is what happens when we try and be cool.

So I think what happens is in the style of Jackie Chan movies, doors burst open and more light guard warriors start rushing in. Oh. And also, you hear door slam in front of you. You see people run in. Door slam behind you. More people run in. And as you turn, you see that Jaunter is gone. Fuck. Damn it. Fuck. And I will say that, Billy, you see Jaunter start fucking hauling ass through the library. He's trying to get away. I am going to throw a dagger at him to stop him. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Billy's just, like, fuck. Yeah. So I'm like, oh, shit. Whoa. Monster. 12. Oh, have you rolled your damage? Eight. Oh, holy shit. Okay. I think as he's running, you see it stab right into the meat of his back, very close to his spine. Oh, shit. Sort of like kidney range. And he just keels to the side, slams into a table, and like, just tumbles to the ground. Oh, shit. This is a pretty bad Billy's feeling. He's gonna. He's kind of worried.

Yeah, but he's like, I gotta take care of these guards first. Yeah, totally. We cut to tuck. What was the last thing that happened with slices back open? Yeah, slices back open. And then he turned that thing on. He lit his hammer on fire. Is it like magic fire? No, it's mechanical. You heard a click like a lighter and the smell, I'll just tell you the smell is an accelerant that's stored in the handle. Pretty cool.

Yeah, and it comes out of the head like a lighter and then he has a like a flint and a flint and steel thing that he twists that lights it on fire. Okay, I want to smash his weapon. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, I guess defy danger strength. Not bad. Ten. Yeah. Oh my God. What happens is, you know, you trade blows for a little bit. Yeah. Swing in this hammer. You're dodging out of the way. Blocking it with the axe. Yeah. The flames get really close to your face. Yeah.

And then I knee him in the stomach to get away. Yeah. Yeah. And he, it's pretty sick fight. It is. It's a great fight and it's that thing where every once in a while, one of you will swing a punch and hit the other in the torso. Yeah. It's this like just the boom and the muscles ripple a little bit. There's a point in the fight where we're just feeding each other punches and each do each other's. He's just like, give up. And I'm like, no, you give up. No, you, you give up. No, you give up.

Chunky monkey. I am not that fat anymore. He can't shoot insults back. He just has to defend himself. You push him back when you say, I'm not that fat anymore and you bring your axe over your head and swing it down and he holds his hammer up to block it. So it comes down like blade side down and it shears right through. Yeah, totally. And the accelerant just like pours on. Yeah, that's what I was going to say is it starts coming. It pours out of the handle on both sides.

And the flames gutter out in the head of it. But he's now like covered in this oil. Sick. And he smells really bad. Can Ving smell it? Everybody can smell it. Like Billy can smell it on the other side of the stacks. I think it's time to bring in the Thunderbird. Oh, sick. What does this look like? There's a big rose window above and like stained glass, stained glass, rose circle window. Wow. Wow. And he, uh, he sees the commotion.

He sees Fathom's axe gets broken in half and his hand reels back and the hammer grazes by Tuck's face and it, it gets under his beard and it kind of like this little, you know, when you light a steel wool on fire, this little like crawling, creeping fire goes up, up Tuck's face and he's like, ah, kind of like screams. And you see Billy on the other side like rolling and dodging out of the way of swords, but it's like he's getting tired. So, yeah, your friends are in a bad way. Yeah.

Ving brings his hands together onto over his chest, the amethyst over his chest and his hair starts furling and the static charge building up in his hair and then all of a sudden he sees the rose window like he's looking up at the rose window. Ving is staring up at it with lightning in his hair and then he sees it. It looks like it's getting bigger and bigger and bigger.

The rosewood is growing and growing and growing, but actually he's looking through the thunder, thunderbird's eyes as it's getting closer to the window and then smash, as it overtakes Ving, the sight of the rose window. The thunderbird comes smashing through the window. Very intimidating. Huge thunderbird clap wings, parks above the men. Yeah.

I was imagining like it comes through the window and its wings unfurl as it slows down and it slowly flaps and its huge talons alight on like a bookshelf in front of you. Right above Ving. Yeah. Right on top, like framing him. And it does that thing, you know, when a seagull lands and it shakes as it like settles its wings, it does it like settles above in this intimidating predatory manner.

His hands are out like this because Ving's hands are out at the sides when the thunderbird's wings are out and as the thunderbird settles his wings, Ving's hands come back into his side. Wow. Yes. Okay. What does it look like? It almost, in the way that a killer whale is colored, like there is different feathers are in the different loopy kind of white, there's some white in it and some gray and there's iridescent and it's down is the color of when you're looking up at the sky.

Like that grayish blue? Yeah, iridescent. Like a clear sky or a cloud kind of thing? Yeah, like a slight cloud, a darker cloud. Glowing. Yeah, yeah. And that's how it manifests its camouflage benefit. So like when it's flying, it can't be seen by anybody. That's pretty cool. Yeah. I just, so I have an idea. What are we saying? Like size wise? Six. Six feet tall? Person sized. Cool. Cool. What do you think? How do you feel? Less small? Smaller. I like him a bit bigger. I'd say maybe 10.

Big enough that like Ving can ride him. Yeah. Yeah. But maybe not you guys yet. And Billy, not Tuck. Fuck. Tuck has to walk. Uh oh. 10 foot bird above him. Fucking cool. Okay. So immediately, everybody that sees this is terrified. Stop. Yeah. The fight stops for a second. Yeah. Yeah. So back over to, I guess Billy. Yeah, Billy. Billy. Billy's just in the midst of it. He's hacking. He's slashing. He's living his life.

And he sees past a couple light guard warriors that he's dodging out of the way of. Jaunter gets up. Whoa. He pulls himself to his feet and he starts hustling slower, but still pretty quickly to the exit. And you see, for a second, you're like, is his back wet? And he's just moving away from him. What the fuck? What? It looks like his back is wet and there's no blood. He reaches behind him. He pulls the knife out and he throws it on the ground. Zero blood. He's moving towards the door.

What do you do? I follow him. Okay. You're going to need to give me a defy danger dexterity to disengage from these fighters. Eight. Okay. So roll a D6. One of them is going to get you. Four. Four. So four damage. Okay. How does Billy disengage? Billy parkours off a guy. Because he was, he was already mid jump and he's like, oh, cool. Like he jumps up and kicks off of someone. Yeah. Fucking cool.

And as you're doing that, you are like flipping over someone backwards and you basically hit their sword. Like they miss you, but you still snag yourself on their blade and you take four damage. Yeah. It's my fat arm. Yeah. You get a cut all the way down your chubby little bicep. My muscles. And though, you are small and your legs are so tiny, you're surprisingly fast. Like they're going to, it's going to take them a second to be able to catch up with you.

If you want to get closer to jaunter, you could give me another defy danger dexterity. I do. Oh, holy shit. There it is. So what do you do? You can catch him if you want. Well, you can get catch up to him. You're too small to like, to actually grapple with him. Yeah. Is he carrying anything? No, he's unarmed. He's got nothing in his hands. He's basically just wearing his ratty, fancy guy clothes and he's hauling ass to the exit. Yeah. I want to catch up with him. Yeah, you do.

You, you run up and he, what do you do? Do you, maybe like a discern realities? Yeah. Yeah. That's a good idea. Two D six plus wisdom. Very bad. Six. Ooh. Eight. Yeah. I guess Ving is kind of close by with the Thunderbird. Yeah. What if Ving sees the water and then tries his best to like slow the elemental of water? Ooh, that's pretty good. He's like water, water. Whoa. Yeah. That's cool. Holy shit. Tries to like really slow him down. That's cool. That is very cool.

It's like, he's like pulling it, like an invisible rope. Yeah. Shit. Plus, plus your bond with Billy. Seven. Yeah. Mechanics rules. See guys, rules are fun. Yeah. Rules rule. So you get one question from the discern realities list. I, I guess like what here is not what it appears to be. So Ving, you, you see Billy chasing Jaunter and you see the water on his back and you're like, oh, maybe I can, maybe I can stop him.

And you call on the spirit of water to interact with this water that you see and nothing. You don't pull on it at all. You can't even, you can't even hear it. And Billy, you're hot on his ass as he goes out of this main square and Billy's like, give me your ass. I'm going to get your ass. So you're chasing him out of this like main, you know how like libraries have that big main area with the tables for studying and stuff like that. It's that kind of area.

And you run into like an undercover area that's closer to the door and Ving isn't able to stop him. You're in this dark corridor by yourself and Jaunter's running so fast. And as he's getting to this turn, he stumbles and slips and falls and slides. He's slamming right into the wall just across from you just at the end of this L turn going left. And he's still totally still for a second. And you catch up to him. His body's still.

His eyes are wide open and crystal clear water starts to pour out of his mouth and nose and forms this puddle on the ground. And the puddle starts moving towards the door. What the fuck? It's dark Perel. Yeah. And that's the end of the episode. And that's the end of the episode. That's where we're going to end it for this week. Whoa! Oh my God. My name is Sean O'Hara. I've been your Game Master. Joining me playing Tacoma Dome, the Barbarian, Abdul Aziz. It was dark Perel the whole time.

That drowned Rebecca. Playing Ving, the half-elf druid, Paul Oppers. This is amazing. And playing Fat Billy, the halfling thief, Jessica Tai. Is it actually Perel? Oh God. Oh my God. Thanks to Aaron Reid for our intro and outro music. Thanks to Adam Coble and Sage LaTorre for the game Dungeon World. And thanks to you for listening. You can find more of us on social media at speltlore, most places, including our Patreon, which you can also find at speltlore.com slash money please.

And you can find the Speltlore Fan Club on Facebook. They're super cool, fun people. Go check it out. Thanks a lot, everybody. We'll see you next time. And so ends the tale of Adventures Three Who tried the best they can Though dumb and scared and lost they be For time's abreast in revelry And though our journey may be like a conclusion We will not leave you without a resolution Return next week to hear some more Whilst you commute or do your chores And for you I'd gladly Spout Lore with a pen

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape, and wields a spear with great might Peely's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends, and listen close For the tale's about to start Hi everybody and welcome to Spout Lore, my name is Sean O'Hara I'll be your game master today With me as always playing Tacoma Dome, the barbarian Abdul Aziz Hello Playing Ving, the half-elf druid, Paul Oppers Hello there And playing Fat Billy, the halfling thief, Jessica Tai Hello When last we left our heroes, they followed their young mender friend, Mears Fowlsmith To the Thoreau Kilby Memorial Library Yeah And uh Interesting story on that guy There's that tone again Yeah, great name, shut the fuck up, move on Oh god, yeah I know you came up with a backstory I haven't Cool Um, followed Mears to a clandestine meeting at this library with Jaunter, last name unknown Of the DeSomme Creek Theatre Society to find out what he knew about what was going on with the menders And what it turned out he knew was how to ambush people And it quickly turned into a fight as Billy came to young Mears' rescue and then Tuck destroyed a bookshelf I fucking hate books It's, the record stands Only half as much as he hates shelves Yeah, I know And uh, the fight happened for a long time, Tacoma Dome threw down with his childhood bully, Fatim It was very cathartic Yeah He called me a chunky monkey and I called him a banana I think Uh, he said the chunky monkey's hungry for bananas Yeah Which does not make any sense I hit him in the dick Yes you did, with a book, like a baseball Uh, Billy went beast mode on a bunch of unsuspecting warriors Killed a few people, has been called an Ifrit I'm so sorry Ifrit!

Ifrit! And Ving summoned for the first time his brand new animal companion, the Thunderbird And the thunder rolls And the lightning strikes Can we call this Thunderbird Garth Brooks?

No, first name, last name Garth Brooks, full name Chris Gaines, good to go Billy threw a knife at Jaunter, assuming to have killed or at least incapacitated him as he tried to escape Jaunter then pulled himself to his feet and began to escape from the library Billy pursued, Jaunter fell, and then crystal clear water began pouring from his mouth and nose Before coalescing into a puddle that attempts to escape out the door And that is where we are now, Billy, this puddle of water is very clearly trying to get away from you, what do you do?

I don't even know, like, uh, I'm shook Pissin' it! Uh, I… Perel! Where are you? Where are you? Oh, that's actually a good time Yeah, can you reach out with your… Yeah Yeah, so what was it last time, Defy Danger, Wisdom? It was either Wisdom or Charisma Billy's magic is usually Charisma, yeah Yeah, I don't have Wisdom Yeah It is in my blood, the magic, not my charisma Whoa! Boom! Psycho! Twelve!

Get at me, Perel, hit up your boy, Billy And that's how he casts spells Get at me, hit up your boy He sends a text first, H-M-U It's your boy, Fat Billy Perel's like, new number, who dis? You already know what it is, it's your boy Fat Billy coming at you on the ones and twos Uh, it's so funny, you call out, like, you put out a distress signal, basically, a mental, like, help! Uh, an SOS And you see, like, that SOS ripple through the water Yeah, cause like, I…

Cause like, I sense a weird, like, flashback of that water in the pool, and I'm just like, so scared Mm-hmm, and it's at this moment, you see Perel running down the street with a hat box in his hands And a brand new outfit that we'll get into later, cause I don't know what it looks like yet No, no, no, you describe that outfit Yeah, okay Time pauses Yeah Describe Uh, so he was going for maximum stealth So he's got tight black leather pants Leather? Jesus Christ The loudest pants you could buy?

He's got, he's got heeled, pointed black leather boots Jesus What? He's getting sexier He's got a black leather tunic that goes to the point at the shoulders Wow And he's got a billowing black shirt that cuffs tightly at the wrists with a frill So he dressed like the Dark Lord?

And he has a velvet black cape that billows behind him Oh my god And in, in the, as he's running, he sees Billy and he goes, oh, I'm so late, I'm so sorry And he drops the box as he pulls out a wide brimmed black hat with a long black feather Oh my god That he puts on his head He looks like fucking D'Artagnan Yeah, he's dressed like a musketeer I, I just think back about the pile of coins that we worked so hard to steal And we gave him, and this is what he spent it on Yeah, it's all gone The 20 coins we gave him 15, 15 15 15 coins And it's all gone 15 coins is a lot of money for clothes That's a lot of hat 100% gone Holy shit And he's running down And I see him through the window as I'm like grappling with Fatim I see him through the window over Fatim's shoulder and I was like, what a fucking nerd And he sees Billy and he goes, Billy!

Billy! Billy! What did I miss? What did I miss? Look! And I, and I just, the water Yeah He gestures at the water Yeah There's a, I want to say that it's like maybe four liters, like a milk jug worth of water Oh, that's not much That came out of, that came out of a person You can see it rising up like a wave, like it's bubbling across the water, like it's reaching forward to try and move And Perel stops and skids to a halt and looks at the water and looks at you and says, what the hell is this?

I don't know, it's like the evil water monster or something Like it's baby And he, like Perel stares at the water for a second and his eyes widen and he throws his hand out Whoa!

And his arm starts twitching and moving in a weird way and the water freezes, like turns to ice on the spot Wow And you can see it trying to melt, like the water's trying to turn back into liquid and Perel is focusing so hard as he's trying to keep it in a solid state And Billy runs up and pisses Oh my god Let a dramatic thing happen Billy does not piss He's pretty dehydrated actually So he's focusing really hard and Perel's got his teeth clenched, but he's going, grab it, put it in something I look around and there's like decorative vases in the entrance of the library and I grab one Like I just run through and grab one Totally And I run out, but I smash the window while I'm running with it You run through the like glass doors of the library Yeah And then after you go through they go, boom, and open Yeah That's great So what's the vase made out of?

Ceramic Ceramic, okay So you bring the vase out and do you just grab the chunk Yeah And throw it in And I just shove it in Yeah, so you shove it in, it's like unfreezing in the right way so you can mush it through, it's been a while It's basically like water goo right now Yeah Because it's freezing and unfreezing What is, does Billy feel anything when he touches it?

Magic Yeah, I feel, it's like vibration through my body Yeah I feel like coming off in waves It's like touching an outlet Yeah Like it's just like vibrating through you And I can feel it whizzing up into my brain and through into the sky And so you throw the water goo in there, this chunky mushy slush, and Perel, his muscles slacken for a second and then he grabs the top of the vase and he flexes again and then the ceramic becomes malleable in his hands and he just closes it Whoa, so sick Wow He's like, we need to do, we need to get rid of, we need to figure out a place to, he's like, he's stuttering as he's saying, he's like, we need to get to somewhere right now Okay Where are the others?

They're inside fighting a bunch of dudes What? Well, where were you? You were supposed to help us I thought we were getting disguises Yeah, but like, come on, time is of the essence, Perel, and you're the adult and I'm the kid and you should be here taking care of us You're so, Billy, you're so Billy, you're right. Billy, I'm so sorry. We need to get rid of it. We need to figure out a place. He's like, he's stuttering as he's saying, he's like, we need to get to somewhere right now. Okay.

Where are the others? They're inside fighting a bunch of dudes. What? Well, where were you? You were supposed to help us. I thought we were getting disguises. Yeah, but like, come on. Time is of the essence, Perel. And you're the adult and I'm the kid and you should be here taking care of us. You're so, Billy, you're right. Billy, I'm so sorry. That's the best. Do they know what I am in there? Does anyone know what I am? No, but you look stupid. And then Billy cries. He cries and runs back in.

Yeah. Like he doesn't want to be seen with this dirt. And I take the boss with me. I'm crying. Oh, yeah. So what's going on? Cut to Tacoma. So I am, I'm wrestling with Fatum. You're both getting greased up. Yeah, and it's pretty hot. Like the grease is like pushing the makeup off of me. And he's also like ripped most of my belly dancers costume off. So I'm basically back in the loincloth. But the lipstick is still on for some reason. And I'm wrestling Fatum. Yeah.

And he's like on top of me because he took me to the ground. And I like I reach around for a book to like hit him with. And I want to grab the closest biggest book I can find and slam him in the face with it. Like I want to try and fucking knock him out. What's that book? Encyclopedia A to Z. Of exotic fruits. And it's so thick. That's great. Yeah, that's the book. Yeah, it's like and it's huge. It's so thick. There's so many exotic fruits.

Yeah, and I fucking grab it and I like hit him in the head with it. Hack and slash. I love that you put yourself at a narrative disadvantage. You're like he's on top of me. He's killing me. I'm about to die. Yeah. Oh, holy shit. Twelve. Okay. Roll your damage. Sneep, sneep. Let me do that again. Yeah, he hit one. He got one. I hit my napkin. I got one. Oh, that's just cheating. Okay. I got one. That's why I hate damage rolls. Yeah, I should say.

If you hit somebody, I think you should do something to them. Yeah, but I will say that you still hit him really hard. Yeah, but him rolling off of you into a pile of broken shelf is why he doesn't take a ton of damage. But now he's on the ground. Yeah, and I get on top of him and I want to keep hitting. I'm with this book. Okay. We'll cut back to this in a second. Once we see what Ving's up to with the Thunderbird. First of all, sees Perel run in. He's like, oh, thank God. Yankee Doodle.

You showed up just in time. And then he has a big feather in his stupid hat. Is that what Yankee Doodle? Yeah. You call it macaroni. Okay. That's pretty funny. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So later again, this fight scenes. Mears has got two guys on him. He seemed to be handling himself ish. Yeah, but there's still a lot of other people. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think we need to kind of get out of here, right? Yeah. Yeah. Maybe. Yeah. I agree.

What about starting up that fire that I keep trying to start? Sure. Let's start this fire. Fuck yeah. You guys haven't burned a library yet. Yeah. Nope. Now's the time. That's right. No time like the present. Good old fashioned book burning. Yep. Oh boy. Okay. So I'm going to elementary master. Uh huh. Element mastery. Elemental mastery. Elemental mastery of fire. I literally never said it once. This whole. This whole show. Yeah. It's great. So he's going to call on fire from within the books.

Pages first. Whoa. Words first to pages to books. All right. The spiritual essence of knowledge. He's going to start exploding. Yeah. Yeah. Cool. That's nine. Oh. I could use an aid. Oh. I'm totally engaged. I can't help. Oh. I don't know. Billy's run back in there with a vase. Yeah. Totally. And he's like exploding with magic. Um. Oh yeah. Cause he's like in almost close. Like. Yeah. Direct contact. What if. Billy. Can. Uh. Boost. So if things doing a move, he could come up and. Yeah. Totally.

Make it like bigger and better. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. So I like, I'm running in there like tear streaming. Cause I'm just overwhelmed. And I'm like. By how ugly Perel. Yeah. How ugly he looks. How much she let us down. I'm just devastated. And. All this magic. Is making me super grouchy and upset. But I see. I feel. I feel thing first. Cause I feel all that magic pulsing out of me. And it's like, I touch everything. And I can tell. I feel his power.

Like he's pulling power from the spirit world. And I. Drop the vase. And I like run to him. I'm like, I know my boy needs me. And I go up for a hug. Oh. That's cute. Yeah. That's pretty good. I'll take that as a plus one. And I help him. Yeah. That's beautiful. So you get what? That was a 10 instead. Of the nine. Yep. Great. So you get two off of that. Effect. Comes to pass. And. Avoid. Paying nature's price. I don't. I won't. Retain control here. Ooh. Yeah. That's a pretty good choice. Having.

Met fire a few times in the past. If you gave fire the opportunity to burn an entire library down. That's something that they would take to with gusto. So I think there's. A second where you call on fire. And you don't feel anything. And then boom. Just a conflagration. Like books all around you. Just start igniting. Every book. In the library. Catches fire. It's all. It all starts burning at once. Now this whole. Goddamn library is on fire. Oh. So you chose not to retain control. Yeah.

The exits are blocked. The fires is covering all the doors and windows. It's everywhere. They have windows too. Yeah. Fuck. But everybody's like. Okay. Fights over. Like everyone realizes they're in a burning library. Yeah. We're all like. Truce. Truce. Until we get out of the library. Truce. Truce. Guys. Truce. What do you do? Uh. Um. Well. The. Maybe. Um. Uh. Well. I'll grab the vase. Yeah. Good idea. And I'm like. Let's get on the bird. That's what I was gonna say. Let's get on the bird.

The bird can take Bing and Billy. Yeah. I will find my way out. That's right. No. I'll meet you outside. No. I trust him. He can do it. Uh. No. We're not going without you. Bing. Get Billy out of here. Yeah. Bing grabs Billy and. And. Gets on the bird. And the bird flies up. Out the rose window that he came in. Yeah. Uh. And so. Perel runs up to you. Looking like. The. Count of Monte Cristo. You. Look. Fucking stupid. Let's roast each other later. What do we do? You're literally roasting. Uh.

And. Uh. You look like a yam. Let's get out of here. What is that? Why is that so funny? Yeah. He's bad at insults. Yeah. He just says what comes to mind. Mears also runs up to you. Fadum runs up to you. And he's like. What are we doing? And Mears is like. It's pretty bad in here. And I turned to Fadum. Like. How are you on the team now? I just don't want to die. I'm going to kill you later. If I survive. And if you die. I'm going to say. I killed you. Okay. Cool. Get out of here. If you die.

I'm going to say. I killed you. Okay. Yeah. Whatever. We shake hands. You do that. Like. Clasp the forearms thing. Deal. Deal. Awesome. That's what we call. An idiot's bargain. If one of us dies. The other one wins by default. Yeah. So. Are there. Tunnels. Under. Crystal Bay. Can I Spout Lore. To see if there are tunnels. Yeah. Crystal Bay. 26 plus intelligence. Shit. I got a three. Wow. Point of experience. How does Tuck start trying to figure out. If there are tunnels here.

I literally just start digging with the axe. Just. Yeah. Hammering it. Yeah. Okay. So. You start hammering the ground. With your axe. And. Uh. You hear shouting. In McCollin. On the other side. Of the library. Where all the warriors have gathered. And they're like. This way. This way. He's over here. Uh. And he's like. Our savior. Our savior. Whoa. And uh. Fadum's like. He grabs you. By the arm. And he says. Come here. And I grab him by the arm. And I'm like. No. You come here. No. Come here.

You fucking idiot. Okay. We're not gonna get to kill each other. If we both die in here. Like morons. Okay. Fine. And he drags you. And Pierce. He says. Get a room. Guys. It's like. Oh. Is this sexual tension? Is this what I'm detecting? And. Perel twirls. The long mustache. That he has. Bought a mustache. He did. He twirls the mustache. And the goatee. That he has. And he says. Certainly seems that way. Doesn't it? And. They drag you over. To the other side. Of the library.

And as you're moving. The flames. Start to grow dimmer. And lower. And start moving. Physically. Towards. The other side. Of the library. And the light guard warriors. Are gathered. Around the back entrance. And the flames. Start pouring. Out of the windows. And under the cracks. In the door. And up through the roof. And as you come. To this exit. You see. The torch of McCall. Standing in the middle. Of the street. With his hands out. And the fire. Is like pouring. Into his palms. Oh. Fucking.

Showy. Motherfucker. And eventually. The fire. In the library. Is almost entirely. Put out. There's a few embers. Here and there. But the flames. Have almost entirely. Entered the body. Of the torch of McCall. And as. The last flame. Touches his skin. He puts his hands together. And he breathes out. And two gouts of smoke. Come out of his nostrils. Cool. He looks like a kid. Vaping. Yeah. And then he does that thing. Where he twists his hand. Over it. So it comes up. In a spout.

And he breathes it in. And he goes. Pretty tight. Huh? No. But all the. All the light guard. Warriors. Like applaud him. Like they're just. They're just. They're just. Falling over themselves. At this display. Of his power. And the torch. Very magnanimously. Just. Nods. And smiles. It's nothing. Yeah. And the next thing you know. Tuck. Perel. And mirrors. You all have swords. Pointed at your throats. So the torch. Looks at you. Tuck. And says. We have some questions. For you. And I have.

Face blindness. We cut to. He's. He's like. He's holding the. The. His bras together. Yeah. The. The remnants of the. Cost. She was like. Thank God. You. You saved me. Sir. I was so scared. That. That boy. Had his hands all over me. Yeah. Your friend. Found him here. He. He was. He was trying to fight me. I was so scared of him. And then he started a fire. We cut to. Ving and Billy. Are in the back of the Thunderbird. That we still haven't named. Yeah. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

Hopefully still kind of frozen water monster is in and where are you guys going what are you doing we're uh circling right above them oh okay because we're camouflage yeah so we won't lose sight of our friends so we're staying there in case shit goes down okay does that make sense that absolutely makes sense pretty sick I have pp'd on the bird I have never been so high in the sky is it cloudy the sky is yeah okay so you start like flying up to the to the cloud cover the sea of graves stretches out like in all directions the crystals of crystal bay poke out of the water and cast this beautiful shimmering light over the bay the sunset creates the purples and oranges and reds that you have become entirely tired of in your time in crystal bay you see the town stretched out before you as well the coronetta in full swing music laughter revelry can you see the moon where they are uh no it's too cloudy to probably see the moon at this point unfortunately people are like whenever you can't see the coronet during the coronet up people are like fuck uh but you know what ever since you've noticed the thunderbird has been staying nearby the weather's gotten a little bit shittier and you can see far off in the distance the lights of little sir and even further than that the spires of black glass in the far distance the beautiful steam-powered metropolis that we will probably never go to and as you fly up and up and up just before you get to the actual cloud cover itself it's night whoa what so the effects of the coronet they passed the border of it the sun is down the coronet is in the sky bright as ever but it's pitch black night above that level yeah can what is what does the landscape look like now you see the lights clearer as it's quite dark here now you see some moonlight from the coronet you see some starlight you still see the crystal shimmering as if it was sunset poking out of the water reflecting the purples and oranges and reds so cool cool so dope yeah there's a sun dome wow so this is a trick yeah time it's like a local thing there are if you guys wanted to know more I mean yes you could potentially oh my god that's so funny two ones wow pretty bad pretty bad so funny okay I guess we'll never know so you mark a point of experience uh and what's the bad thing that happens they can't see out of the sun oh yeah now that you've crossed this like field or whatever it is you can't see what's going on you can't see tuck yeah you can't see the light guard you don't know where they are yeah great that's a great one oh okay so yeah now that you've passed whatever field is apparently surrounding crystal bay you're like you're starting from zero but we cut back to tacoma dome and friends as you are being led jingle jangle jingle jangle you're being led at sword point to the docks and they give you a wide berth of the coronetta festival itself walk you through the outskirts of town down to the docks and you see jack boot comes storming out of the customs house and he goes you've apprehended the fugitives you'll hand them over to me and they'll see justice at the hands of the crystal bay customers house uh and the torch is like not necessary we'll be taking them to our ship for questioning and he goes but but I want to exact justice upon them for the wrongs they've done me jack boot he's like I I met you sir we have exchanged pleasantries before I will be taking these characters to our ship for questioning as dictated by the laws of our organization and he goes very well and they walk you down the docks onto a rowboat and the boat rows out to the purifier the purifier is looming it's huge there's banks of ores on either side you think there's maybe three levels uh on this ship there's ballista on the sides there's braziers lit with a burning fire as fire often does um tend to burn uh guys I'm running on fumes here I need to know you're good and that you get maybe we can each think of a cool thing yeah tell me stuff about the purifier uh we didn't see it from far away but as we get closer to the ship in brass inlay all over the hull there's runic symbols like you could see clearly they were carved out and then melted brass was put in uh and the reason why it's brass is because the light guard and the religion of the flame reveres the metal of brass as it is and it's a very important part of the ship and it's a physical embodiment of like coalesced fire sick well paul you got one I was thinking that there is a uh because they have the fire they have mastered the fire in the ship and they have a gigantic engine whoa um it's the first and only ship with like a massive propelling system underwater that uses steam comes out at a accelerator rate at the back so they can have like a turbo boost basically cool it's very cool yeah it basically boils the water behind it it boils the water under the ship yeah purifying the water yeah it's all it's all under around and it's all brass underneath maybe it's like two like there's a bunch like a a bunch of like rods brass rods that they can lower that like yeah like thrusters yeah where that comes out it looks like a big centaur's butthole and the centaur is looking behind like who's that behind me I'm a poopy baby it's very intimidating uh jessica um oh the captain is uh an old man and he's not wearing any of like the robes really he's got like a white sash around his waist just to like cover himself up but the rest of him is tattooed in runes yeah and he's got like a beard with uh little like pieces of shells yeah seashells and like brass rings that are like woven into his like braided beard sick and he's looking super sun tanned like you know like he's lived on the sea for a hundred years yeah he looks like he's a thousand years old and he looks craggy and old but his eyes shine bright fucking sick pretty cool all right cool yeah so you get poked up a rope ladder like they're like get up there as we're rowing and I'm like so what's your guys's deal what do you mean I don't know like we do you get dental or what do you yeah they don't say anything they just keep rowing why'd you guys join like is it good dental or what one of them sighs at the constant question he's like uh the honor of serving an ancient and respected religious order no but like what's the actual reason do you get like four on four off is it like shift work or something we get to bring renown to our family lines by serving in the martial school that keeps people safe from dangers beyond human knowing so it gets you pussy is what you're saying sometimes it keeps running the other guy's like also we get flicks days okay so we'll cut back to billy and ving on the back of the thunderbird what are you doing what's your plan I mean I think we should get down there again I don't know I think so I I can't see anything up here they're not out sailing they're still attached to the dock you'd have to dip back into the field to kind of get a good look at it and then you're like oh my god I'm gonna get up there okay let's dip into the field all right dive down uh all right birdie let's go slowly yeah um yeah you're good you're not going to be able to get too far because he has camouflage but he is not stealthy so you're not going to be able to use him as like a fucking submarine to kind of dip in and out or whatever but his eyesight's amazing well he doesn't have keen senses does he why not because that's one of his things what it's a mechanical limitation he's a little baby boy he'll get better at it but you know who has the ability to create binoculars with his little tiny ring fingers hold my vase I bring my hands up to my eyes and I do the monocular magic yeah uh so roll me a discern realities yes that's what I'm talking about eight yeah so that gives you one question off the list what do you what do you choose I guess what here is useful or valuable to me you dip down just in time to see them sword pointing uh tuck and mirrors and perel down into the hold of the purifier you're looking around super fast like where are they where are they I see perel's stupid hat yeah it's the easiest thing to see because no one has a hat that wide or that dumb or is wearing white dots with this big black circle exactly yeah such high contrast so now you see okay they're on the purifier there they are how many people are on deck oh my god I don't know like 15 oh wow yeah is there somewhere close by that you guys can land or something could we land at the pirate cave because I gotta store this vase oh yeah yeah totally nice um yeah so you're gonna are you gonna go into the cave and try and give them a vase I'm gonna see if they could hold on to it for me so you land the thunderbird outside the cave yeah yeah and you hear the guards in the cave start screaming oh guys it's just me it's us I fall off the bird uh and you just start yelling it's us it's us it's us it's us uh I have a favorite ask I lift the vase waddle it over like billy yeah it's milton milton comes out from the cave mouth like what are you doing out here oh okay well see this thing uh-huh I gotta put it away somewhere and I don't know where to put it so I'm wondering if I could stick it here could you babysit it for a while what is it um it's just some stuff say it's full of your shit it's it's not mine it's tacoma's and it's full of his shit oh my god milton picks up the vase and he looks at it oh don't look too close uh and he's like where's the opening well we had to do some stuff because the smell was really bad and as he's like holding it looking at you he looks behind you and he's like oh my god I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry um that is my buddies kind of my spirit animal I guess he's a thunderbird oh now keep that shit jar safe yeah don't break it because all the shit will come out and you'll have to smell it defy danger charisma it's a genie in a bottle baby I got no wait I still have I got 12 wow wow yeah okay he says okay I'll uh he's still looking at the thunderbird I'll keep it safe really safe okay I'll come back for it soon okay he he climbs up and he pulls like a bunch of copies of love and lust out of that hidey hole and he like pushes it yeah that's totally he's shut yeah he walks in he shoves it in their little protected uh guard zone this is okay you coming back for it soon yeah it could be a few hours could be a few days but we will be back for it no we will be back for it I'm supposed to hold on to tacoma's shit for a few days yeah but it's already shit like it's not gonna get any worse oh my god okay bye everyone I would like to point out that this is easily the easiest lie to keep this thing safe the best one oh my god according to the dice apparently because it's no one wants to break a vase full of shit no they don't you're right you're right they don't uh great okay yeah so then I guess cut back to tacoma dome uh and you're on the you're basically brought into the hold of the purifier tuck you've heard stories about this kind of place and this is where they keep the people that they deem to be demons in need of execution awesome so it's covered in religious iconography it's got specialized equipment for like binding and exercising demons so there's like one of those bands that you put around your tummy that vibrates one of those uh boxes that you sit in that you stick your head out of and you sweat a lot and that's how you get a demon out okay um they all have weapons and in the pot at the end of the palm of your hand and you're like oh my god I'm gonna die I'm gonna die almost like a little nut and it's filled with saffron oh yes cool so the hold of the ship like where you are just smells overwhelmingly of saffron yeah that saffron thing's so fucking cool um yeah so you're basically manacled to chairs what are the manacles made out of brass but like it well sorry a brass looking material and where's my weapon you've it's been okay yeah yeah yeah mirrors has been uh disarmed they let him keep his arm but they took his arms yeah uh and perel had no weapons somebody took his hat yeah and he's watching a guy fiddle with the feather like oh you better not fucking break that feather cost me a premium how much did you pay for that hat six coins jesus sorry fucking christ sorry I thought you asked how much I paid for the feather and the torch asks everybody to leave and uh now you're alone in this hold with the torch of mccall we were poor for so long and now we're rich not for long it's called lifestyle inflation look it up and yeah you're alone actually you're alone with the torch and the captain oh yeah the rune tattooed captain um okay so the torch says yeah I'm not doing the voice anymore because I know he knows which oh yeah yeah and even if you kept doing the voice you'd still be in bad boy jail yeah so why do you think you're here why do you think we haven't killed you yet I don't know due process he kind of nods a little bit like yeah that's a fair point yeah you guys are pretty bureaucratic organization well you have to be when the judgment you pass out is not going to be a good thing does this mummery bring you peace of mind do these japes help you steal your nerves in the face of potential death he's giggling perel is laughing too jessica's laughing so hard she's crying tuck is laughing so hard and like that silent laugh which is his body's jiggling and he he takes a breath and he's like I shit myself a little bit oh that was not a that wasn't a fart noise that was a fart yeah oh wow yeah I the last little one was a little one shit perel is laughing so hard and mirrors is mortified and yeah the torch says did these japes help you steal your nerves in the face of potential death oh yeah absolutely I honestly if I couldn't joke I would be I almost said shitting my pants but I did that all right humor is an effective tool I've found in an individual's last moments uh so I ask you again why do you think you're here yeah I don't know you guys fuck like you talked to jaunter right yeah that guy's a fucking liar I'm aware you know well something seemed off about him from the jump yeah so he has been fucking spreading misinformation about me and my friends so you're fucking dealing with bad information man yes yes that appears to be so luckily for us and unluckily for jaunter uh he was not the only mender that we have met with since we have been in crystal bay so if there was any downfall in his plan it was the decentralized nature of the organization itself be that as it may I believe there is a piece of information that is true as you are connected to the compromising of a very important artifact uh yeah I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry looking up and around.

I'm like, wait, what's that? I don't think I ever even saw an important artifact. I don't even know what that word means. Important, important, important. What is it? Important? Imporfa? Importia? Imporvis? Mirs, have you ever heard this word? Mirs is sweating bullets. Are you actually actively trying to convince him you don't know anything? Or are you just being a fucking buffoon? I guess I'm being a fucking buffoon. Okay. Maybe I'm trying to convince him that I'm too stupid to be relevant.

Trying to convince. Yeah, defy danger, charisma. Five, six, seven. Okay, so he is kind of walking back and forth in front of you in a very trying to be intimidating way, but like casually intimidating. Mm-hmm. I know that an important relic was compromised in some fashion, and I know that you've been involved in a number of dangerous and complicated situations in your time in the principalities. What I don't know is why, or what you know.

And the tattooed man next to him with the braids in his beard, you can hear tingle, tingle, tingle, tingle as the brass rings in the braids of the captain's beard bounce against the and moves slowly in the still air of the hold, and he leans over and he whispers in the torch's ear, I don't know which one, but it's one of them. And the torch says, I know for certain that one of you is a wizard. And we cut back to Billy and Ving. So what are Billy and Ving doing?

Uh, we, well, Billy, we're swimming. We're swimming over. So how are you swimming? Yeah. I mean, it'd be so useful if Ving would just turn into a porpoise already. You could try, or it could be like us arguing. Where I'm like, why don't you just turn into a whale or something? You don't understand. You know how hard it is to swim? Well, right now, in my life, the way that I'm feeling inside, it's way harder to shapeshift. You know how hard it is to swim? Wait.

You weigh more than you could carry in the water? You can't turn around, so you're always facing the sky? It's so blinding. I like the idea of Billy has to, like, reach down because he's so buoyant in front of the water. He's like a little bobber. So it's a far swim. So how are you guys doing this? Ving's gonna use elementary master. And then, you know, like when you're in an airport and those things? So it's just in a channel. It's like swimming, but it's moving away faster. All right.

Yeah, sounds good. So 2D6 plus wisdom. Come on. Work. Yeah. Nine. Nine. Billy can help. Yeah, I'm gonna help because I'm in the water and I am magic boy. 2D6 plus your bond. Oh, boy. Not good. I only got five. I mean, we were successful in the roll anyways. Yeah, Billy still fails. So you mark a point of experience. Yeah. So what are you gonna pick? I'll retain control. Okay, so the effect that you desire does not come to pass. I mean, that's okay. We're almost at the boat.

Yeah, we're getting close. It says who says me. I when you were like, what are you guys doing? I was like, we are by the boat swimming. This is good. You can retain control, but it's just gonna you're not gonna get there. Maybe exactly when tuck needs you to. You're gonna you're gonna show up a little late. So then you attempt to call on water to help move you towards the boat faster and Billy's there and he's really focusing his energy as he's kicking behind.

He's trying to focus his magical energy through the sea waves. And you hear water man. What's going on? Like, yeah, that's a cold. No, what do you need? Oh, no, I've been talking to air and fire. I'm not fucking with you today, bro. Not happening. Well, come on man. I'm cool. Yeah. Okay. Well, then how come you didn't let air do whatever he wanted to do? What would you wouldn't let air do anything? Fire got sucked into some old dude. The fuck you care about fire? Whoa.

Hey, earth, water, wind, and fire were tight. We're the four. We're the core four. We're the OGs. I love your band. Thank you. We got a new single coming out on SoundCloud. It's a cloud made of pure music that floats around the planet. Yeah, I'm not helping you. Can't do it, but I'm not gonna fuck you up. Huh? I mean, I guess. Thanks. Yeah, you're welcome. Next time, Billy. Water out. It's okay. I try to do magic anyway, and it just like comes out like nothing like diarrhea.

Yeah, like as if I spilled some pain and it just floats away. I'm like, yeah, the force of it pops Billy out of the water for just a second. He pops back in. Damn, didn't work. And so we cut back to the hold and the torch is standing in front of you with his hands clasped. He said, so I know for certain that one of you is a wizard. Now we have methods by which we can detect magical energy in living things. They are painful. They are protracted and they are quite often fatal.

Whether or not you are magical. Wow, what a fucking awful test you have devised. It's not perfect, but it's kept a lot of people safe. So here is my proposition. Whoever in this room harbors their magical energy can reveal themselves to me and face judgment or we can take our time and work it out for ourselves. What say you? Does anyone else say anything? Perel doesn't say anything. And Mears is just like quivering. We're going to cut back to Billy and Ving real quick.

You're getting closer to the boat. You now have like, what's your plan for infiltrating? I'm going to go. We're going to go in one of the circle windows. Circle windows where the oars come out. Oh, yeah. Totally. Yeah. Okay, great. So are you just like climbing up an oar or are you trying to jump up? Billy can use his knives up the side of the boat. Totally. And Ving's using crystal claws like crampons. Crampons. Go ahead. Both of you give me a defy danger dexterity. Eight. Seven.

Oh, thank goodness. I think what it is is you do you crampon up the side of the boat, damaging some of the brass runes on the boat. You do a defy up and you shove yourselves through this oar hole. Cram yourselves in this oar hole and you flop out on the other side of the oar hole and there is a rower sitting right in front of you and you have like a second to decide what to do. What do you do? I attack first. Jump on the cover of his mouth. I cover his mouth. Whoa. Plus dexterity. Ten.

Okay, what's a ten plus on backstab? Ten plus. I choose two from this list of you don't get into melee with them. You deal your damage plus one d6 create an advantage and plus one forward to you or an ally acting on it. Reduce their armor by one until they repair it. So I want to choose I don't get into a fight with them. And then what's the other one I should choose? I think there's a case for you. Create an advantage. It could give you an advantage to somebody's next role like sneaking.

I mean, that is cool. Okay. So I'm covering the dude's mouth and I've like dunked. I've opened the oil and dunked some cloth into it that I tore. Oh, tag it oil. Billy has tagging. Right. Tag it oil. Yeah. And I'm shoving in the guy's mouth. Yeah, I'm keeping it closed. Yeah. And he's doing the thing where he's like, shut up. Just don't fight it. It's gonna be a better sleep if you don't fight it. Ah, here you go. Sweet baby. There you go. You have a good sleep. You sleep good.

And I he's what I talk is like like toga up a little bit as if they were a blanket. You pull his toga from below his knees to over his chest. His dick is just out. Oh, he's got a wrap. No, I see that it would be showing his dick. So I bring that part back down by take the chest flat like the chest like fabric from the yeah, and I just pull it up a little more. Yeah, it across and then drape it. Oh, man. Great. Yeah. So that guy is out out like a light.

Ving is going to try and go and spy and see if you can find the whole the the we call it barracks or whatever. I'm just going to follow Ving. Okay, cool. So yeah, Ving is creeping up to a higher level using his boat knowledge. He knows where to go to get to the stockade because he was a he was a nice racer. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. When you said boat knowledge, I was like, boat knowledge. The fuck are you talking about? So are you trying to discern realities? Yeah, I guess. Yeah.

Plus my wisdom wisdom plus one. Nice. So eight. Okay, great. So you get one question. What's useful here? Yeah, you come up through the rowers zone, the row zone as they call it the row zone layer the row zone layer of the boat the layer where all the rowers are awesome and you come up to like the hold where there's like racks of weapons.

You see a big door made of pure brass with a big heavy bar that lays across it barring it from this side keeping whatever's in in what is the bar made out of also brass. Hmm. You intimate by that. They're like, oh, if there's any prisoners, they're probably in this very fancy looking heavy door. So in this moment, we cut back to the hold the torch of McCall has asked the wizard in the room to reveal themselves.

Perel is silent and talk like exhales like he lets out like a fucking dipshit like so upset with Perel and he's just before you say anything. Mir says it's me. That's where we're going to end for this week. I'm your game master Sean O'Hara. This has been spelt Lord joining me as always playing Tacoma Dome the barbarian Abdul Aziz so long playing Ving the half elf druid Paul offers bye-bye and playing Billy the half link thief Jessica tie. Bye for now.

Thanks to Aaron Reed for our intro and outro music. Thanks to Adam Coble and Sage Latour for Dungeon World and thanks to you for listening and supporting us on Patreon. If that's what you do, you can find us on social media at Spout Lore most places and find the Spout Lore fan club on Facebook. Bye everybody. See you next time.

Time's abreast in revelry and though our journey may be like a conclusion we will not leave you without a resolution return next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores and for you I'll be back but gladly Spout Lore

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape, and wields a spear with great might Peely's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends, and listen close For the tale's about to start Welcome to Spout Lore everybody I'm your Game Master, Sean O'Hara coming to you live from beautiful Vancouver, British Columbia As Jessica opens a pot of hand cream Are you kidding?

I have got to get some of that We literally just started recording You know what, let me get some of that Why did you start after the theme song?

Cause I, my hands are really, really dry Yeah, it's really cold And it'll show up on air And it was really bothering me And I, it's like getting to the point where if I make a fist my skin might crack Yeah, that's gross So I, it is gross I'm so sorry No, hey, I'm glad we're all moisturizing now except Abdul Who's never moisturized a day in his life I don't moisturize He's a moist boy And he's got such nice skin Thanks I'm white so I have to moisturize or I'm just gonna turn into like a salt flat It's cause I'm brown Is that actually though, that sounds not true Well, I think that a lot of guys tend not to think about moisturizing And I know that at least me have dry skin Yes, I also have dry skin But I also think about moisturizing a lot Your dick, you pointed down at his dick I didn't I was pointing to my feet you pervert I'm really sorry about the moisturizer No, don't be I'm just trying to be really quiet Jessica, the mics are picking it up so much It's just like This is unusable What are you doing?

Our character sheets Alright, I'm heading out you guys It's nice knowing you Jessica, our character sheets are so wet now Sorry, it's just the aloe vera And playing Ving Jones Playing the half-elf druid Paul Oppers Hello Playing Fat Billy the moisturized thief Jessica Tai Hi And playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian Dry as a Bone Abdulaziz Hard as a bone, sorry Oh fuck Oh fuck, cut that out You should do that again Nobody expects this of you at this point I know, that doesn't reflect well on my character I think Hard as a bone is pretty funny Thanks But just in case And playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian Abdulaziz Hard as a rock There we go Like a rock We did this last time too Chevy?

Oh that's Chevy not Dodge Yeah you did Sam Elliott's voice The episode began with the revelation that the mender slash bard known as Jaunter was actually being controlled in some fashion by an aspect of the water monster that killed Ving Perel showed up just in time sporting a beautiful new outfit that we can all agree is very stylish and cool He made himself look like a cross between a dark lord and You keep saying dark lord and I'm like You keep saying dark lord and I don't know what you mean You know like a dark lord Like a goth lord?

Yeah like a goth lord Voldemort wears like a robe and he's the darkest lord I can think of Well also lord like The musician?

Never be royal Yeah exactly so he looked like all black everything d'Artagnan Yeah And was able to freeze, kind of freeze the water puddle monster in its place Although it was fighting the freezing It was freezing and unfreezing itself though Billy and Perel were able to store it in a vase That's where it is now Puddle of monsters was one of my favorite bands from when Ving was a kid Yeah they played the frozen north mostly underground clubs Yeah literally under the ice Under the ice Igloo palooza Yeah And the fight became a problem once Ving decided to set fire to every book in the library That fire was then put out by the torch of McCall Who took Tuck, Mears, and Perel into custody Ving and Billy escaped on the back of Ving's Thunderbird yet to be named And as they were escaping they discovered that the eternal sunset of Crystal Bay exists in some sort of field Above the field it was dark as night And beneath the field beautiful sunset So who knows what that deal is cause you guys fucked up a Spout Lore Which means that me no no Me no no no either Yeah After leaving the vase and Thunderbird with Milton of the Crystal Bay Pirates for safe keeping Billy and Ving swam to the Purifier where Tuck, Mears, and Perel were being held by the torch of McCall for questioning We learned about the Purifier which is a pretty badass ship It's got a steam thruster Oh yeah It's got runes Crazy runes on it The captain of the ship appears to be perhaps a thousand years old And is an old sand blasted old man covered in runic tattoos Sand blast is the name of my favorite band It's from McCall And this old man apparently knew through some power unbeknownst to our heroes That one of the three of Mears, Perel, and Tuck was a wizard He wasn't sure who but he knew it was somebody Because of the clinking of the brass rings in his beard It was preceded by the clinking of the brass rings and the seashells in his beard And just before Tuck was about to take one for the team because Perel decided not to speak up Our young boy Mears Fousmuth became a man And said it was him And that is where we find ourselves now in the interrogation chamber With the torch of McCall and the ship's captain Mears has just confessed And I'm like thanks Mears I appreciate you taking one for the team But you know what I have to admit Tuck is not good at lying I have to admit it I'm the wizard not Boyd not Mears I'm the wizard not Boyd not Mears I'm the wizard not Boyd not Boyd over here This boy is my son I mean you can try and roll Defy Danger Charisma To get Mears out of this Six, seven, eight Seven, eight Okay so as they're getting ready to take Mears away And you start going no it's not Boyd it's me Magic is me boy not that boy The torch stops And kind of sighs a little bit And is like I'd hope this would have been easier Just simply have someone confess and then we can go about our procedures But now you've introduced more uncertainty into the matter So I didn't want to have to take these measures but we will Just sit tight and I'll return in a moment He nods to the sea captain And they go up to the brass door And Billy and Ving you are looking at this door From the other side from your place in the corridor Tuck you see the torch put his hand on the door in a certain pattern And Billy and Ving you see the brass door Bar thunk up out of place And the door starts to swing open Oh where do I hide where do I hide Hide hide Hide hide Two to six plus dexterity to hide from both of you Pretty good I got ten Oh Failed Oh no Oh shit I got three He got three plus dexterity which is four Oh no He's hopping back and forth Billy goes into the only There's a couple like wine crates and I jump in one And I'm like Ving you could It's so full of wine Okay And I'm like come on in Come on in I start And I push the wine out Can I can I Can I can I Can I can I do a failing like a fail safe Like he can't he's like looking around to hide he can't hide and then And like a survival mode he just transforms He's just like Yes And he's just stuck Because the failure doesn't have to be they see you It can just be something extremely complicating He might be stuck as something if that's what it is He's stuck as whatever instinctual shape he takes Oh cool Eight Six What do you feel in What do you what do you want I was thinking a huge arctic bat A bat That's your instinct I don't know why because it could go flat against the ceiling So how big is an arctic bat Huge four feet across Huge like the size of a man like we're trying to hide Yeah Like you're trying it so you're trying to hide so your ideas to turn into the largest possible bat A big white bat man There's like other animals like I don't know Like animals like skins and stuff on the wall and like butterflies tacked up on this like little center And somebody's one of the sailors He's a bot Yeah Naturalist Yeah And he just like whips into bat mode and Flats across the room and then flat up against the wall as a bat Okay Yeah I like that And like And it's been so long thing that since you've shape shifted I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm sorry What the fuck am I looking at his hands I'm a fucking bat I'm so sorry Oh shit Sorry bat But the torch and the sea captain walk away down another corridor and they don't see you they don't see Billy And you're like oh thank God I shape shifted and you try and change back and you can't And Billy there's a huge bat in front of you What Thank Billy What What are you Can you turn back to normal you look really scary Yeah no problem here let me Anything?

No. Okay, what about now? No. Fuck, I'm a bat. Okay. Fuck me, I'm a bat, Bella. You're drunk and I'm a bat. What the fuck? Oh, my God. All right, let's… It's fine. We'll figure it out later, but let's like… Okay, can you play it cool? We'll play… Play it cool? Yeah, you… No problem. Pretends to smoke a cigarette. All right, let's follow Mears. I know they left Mears in the room. Oh, did they? So he was like, we're going to come back with something.

I wish we didn't have to do this, but we're going to come back with something. So it's just the three of them. Oh, my God. But they thunked the bar down after them. Okay, I can open it with my lock powers. It's taller than Billy is. Lift me up, Vang, with your bat wings. This is insane. So this bat is four feet tall? Yeah. Okay. Wing band Zumba. Oh, I definitely fucked that up. Can I ate at all? No. As a bat. What'd you get? I got three, but I don't know what I'm rolling with.

Plus your dexterity. Yeah, you guys got to wait for me to tell you what to roll. Before you start rolling dice. It's been a while. Okay, I was going to try to pick the lock, obviously, but I only got five, so I cannot be helped. And it's covered in runes and different weird religious iconography. Oh, my God. I can't read any of it. And the two of you are just like, I have no fucking idea how to get this door open.

Well, you're like, I have no idea how to get this door open, and Ving's like, I'm a bat. He's just freaking out. Starts smacking on the door. Tuck. And Tuck, you do hear, slapping, and you hear a small voice on the other side of the door. Do I recognize it? Yeah, it's Billy. Hey, can you hear me? And I'm like, Billy, hey. Hey, can you open the door? Let me try, and then I want to see if I can get out of the manacles. Okay, that's going to be to fight injure strength. Okay.

So I'm going to try and just snap him? Through sheer strength, just try and pull the brass manacles apart. Katoma Dome special. I'm level 10. And it worked. I got 13. Holy shit. Yeah, so there is a great straining and a great flexing of muscles. You know what happens? You fart more. It was the pizza codes. The pizza codes are wreaking havoc with my digestion. Ving says to Billy, I think he might be celiac. I think so. I don't know what it is, but it sounds pretty bad.

But it is the kind of thing where you're straining so hard. And you're like, I can't break these things. There's no way these are going to break. And then snap. And you're free. Sick. Are we in a cage or were we just in chairs? You're in a very secure room. Okay. Yeah. You were manacled to chairs, three chairs. Okay. And where's the where's the axe? The axe is not in the room. Fuck. I go up to the door. I'm like, okay, guys, I'm going to try and break the door open. Oh, my God. Step back.

Oh, no. Okay. And the mirrors is like, what are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? If you break the door, they're going to know that that were what? Escaping. Oh, yeah. You think it's going to be too loud? Yes. Okay. And then I, as he's saying that, I pick up the chair that Perel is in because I'm still pretty mad at him for not saying anything. And I smash it against the door. You rip it out of the ground with a 12. I'll say you've already done it. Okay.

You pull his chair out of whatever secured like bolts it has. And he's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. And I'm like, hey, this will make us even for you not doing anything. Okay. You weren't saying anything when we were being interrogated. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. And I hit it against the wall. Yeah. That's going to be a defiant interest strike as well. That you need to roll for separately. Nine. Nine. Are you just saying get out of the way? Yeah. I just told them. Oh, yeah.

We backed up. Yeah. And you pull Perel back like a baseball bat and you slam him into the brass door and the door doesn't dent or move, but you can see whatever it's set into start to crack. And after a few good slams, with Perel going, no, no, every time, eventually the door is smashed far enough out of its jam that you can see Billy's face poking through. Billy! Talk your scene. Where's Ving? Ving pops his head over top of Billy. Holy shit. I'm a bat right now. Oh my God. I fucked up.

I shot from the hip and now I'm a bat. I can't change back. And Perel's laying on the ground because the chair that he was in has been smashed to flinders. What do they do to Perel? And, Perel's laying there like, I had a plan. Look at this. And he holds up the chains that were holding his manacles together and it's really long and stretchy. Who cares? That's stupid. I was escaping. We have to be quiet. This is a prison, basically. Have none of you broken out of prison before?

Several times, but this is how we always do it. And look at us. Are we the ones in prison, Perel? And he's like, so upset that he's been smashed against this wall so many times. He reaches into his sleeve and pulls out this, like, blue-green handkerchief and mops his forehead. Oh, cool trick, man. My word. And he tucks it back into his sleeve. Whoa, it's disappeared. And Mears is like, yeah, great. What about me? And he's still tied to a chair. Oh, yeah. Oh, I'll help you, Mears.

Yeah, so Tuck's able to push the door out far enough that Billy can scurry into the room. Yeah, I come in with my lock powers. Nice. Fuck, I learned. Okay. I did really well here. Is it dexterity? 11. Yeah, perfect. Get you out of there, my baby boy. Yeah, Billy, this is a kind of lock you've never seen before. Yeah. It's almost like a puzzle box. It's a lot of sliding, like, slats in the metal. Yeah, and you just are, like, fucking around with it. And after a few seconds, it clacks open.

You're free. And Mears is, like, rubbing his wrists. Classic just got handcuffs taken off me style. He's like, my plan was to sacrifice myself so that the rest of you could escape. That's stupid. Let's go. I mean, your plan was to die. For all of you, my friends. I know, but the alternative is that none of us die. No, the alternative is that all of us die. Is anyone coming or anything? Yeah, you can start to hear voices being like, what the hell was that? Okay, we should get out of here.

Okay, let's go. Okay, it's going to be the three of you rolling individually. How are you getting out of here? Stealth, speed, just smashing? Just smashing through anybody that gets in your way? I do have holds as a bat, do I not? Yeah, the bat could probably just echolocate and know the layout of the ship. Oh, sick. I like that a lot. Okay, so yeah, you can spend your hold. Unfortunately, spending your last hold means that you do not turn back into Ving thus far. Damn it.

But you do let out a screech, I guess? Yeah, subsonic screech. You do get a pretty good idea of the layout of the purifier. He closes his ice blue eyes. Oh, bad eyes. So cool. Yeah. What's he seeing? You do see the exit. You can see rooms with cots in them and rooms with swords and spears underneath you, a hold full of crates, and your two decks down. So there's just like a work deck above you with maps and you think probably the captain's quarters and then above that is the top deck.

Can I see Tuck's axe anywhere? So above where you are right now, which seems to be like the captain's quarters and some just work rooms and stuff, you can see the very distinct shape of Larry, Terry, and Chad in a room with several bags that you would assume are the rest of your possessions. Our stuff's right above us. Should blast a hole through the ceiling. That's what I was thinking. Do you still have some of that? Oh, gunpowder. Gunpowder, yeah. Yeah, it's in here somewhere.

It says Pat and his little bat body. All his stuff transmutes with him. Perel is like, oh, oh, I bet I could. He's like, remember? Boing, boing, boing. I bet I could do that to the roof. Okay, yeah, do it. Okay, somebody lift me up. And I put Perel on the roof. On my shoulders. Yeah. And he wraps his legs around your neck. What a fucking motley crew we are right now. And he puts his palms on the floorboards above you and you see his muscles start to flex and move.

Tuck, you feel the muscles in his legs changing and shifting in ways that human muscles do not move. Yeah, it feels like a bag of snakes are on my back, which has happened before to me. And you feel this weird tingling in your body? I feel tingling? A little bit. Oh. Yeah, maybe it's just through his skin. But you feel this weird current almost. And the boards start to drip like water. And the wood starts to patter around you in this little rainfall of liquid wood. What does it taste like?

Very earthy. Kind of like sap. Oh, it's so gross. And I'm also, by the way, stained wine. Oh, yeah. Dripping with wine. And I'm just like, disgusting. Disgusting. To foot below. Yeah. You look like, what was that one kid from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory? Oh, yeah, the purple, the blueberry girl. Violet. Violet Beauregard. You're turning violet. Violet? Yeah.

Okay, so what's happening is the wood is starting to drip away, but you can hear footfalls as people start to frantically approach you. What do you do? Is there anybody in that hole up there? No. I go up there. Oh, that's the thing. Perel doesn't have it quite big enough for any one of you, but people are approaching. I can go, uh, cause a distraction or something. Yeah, Ving can also do that as a bat. That's true. They're all just like, what the fuck? I'll just go be a bat in front of them.

Yeah. Why don't you guys both do it? Okay. Oh my God, there's a bat. I'm a bat. I'm fucking, I'm gonna run. It's in my hair. It's in my hair. Ving's just on top of Billy's head like, oh. Get him off of me. Get him off me. Watch out. He's poisonous. He's sucking all the blood out of me. Look at me, covered in blood. My life's blood. Watch out. Okay. Save yourself. Billy's overacting so much. Yeah. Give me a 2d6 plus charisma. Nine. Okay. This is an aid for sure. So 2d6 plus your bond with Billy.

11. Wow. Sick. Okay. So this is a 10. So funny. So Billy, just you hear in the direction that you hear people coming, you just haul ass. That's a big bat. It's the kind of thing where it's like the corridor is dark and then they see this like little kid running. It was a big white ghost bat. Run for your lives. It's a ghost. Afreet. Afreet. Billy's remembering the one word that he heard him say. They are terrified. They all run away. They're like, no. Afreet. Afreet. It's working.

Keep screaming. Look at me. He's draining the blood from my body. It's all over me and you guys have such nice white clothes and it's going to get stained with all your blood. And you're saying this as you're chasing them, which is so funny. Yeah. So you have to run with them for a little bit. That's the thing is you've got to like keep them from. I run them until they're like up on the top deck. Some of them start running to boats. Oh, yeah. We got to get out of here. This is fucked up.

Jumping overboard. Some of them run to like the braziers. Like it's like they feel safer around the braziers. Actually. So yeah. Now Ving and, Billy are like on the deck. Should we get off the boat? You haven't communicated where you were going, but like you can assume that they might guess. Yeah. I'm going to like pretend to like fall off the side of the boat and I'm like looking at Ving like, are you going to follow me? Like I just wait. I'm just going to I can fly. Oh, fuck. I'm a bat.

I'm going to crawl back in through the hole. The window. Okay. Okay. Oh, goodbye. Splash. He yells splash. Yeah. Because I didn't fall in the water. And Billy and Ving have definitely gotten you guys a lot of time. Perel has like, he's reaching his hands up into the edge of the hole and pulling it out like mud. And he's like throwing these clumps of liquid wood on the ground. So gross. Yeah. And as he's doing that, I'm like Perel, your kind of magic is fucking gross.

Transmutation is a strange and powerful art to coma. And as he says that, he puts his hand in to grab another clump and it farts. Yeah. It's like a little floor queef. And it's like dripping, dripping on you and hardening. Yeah. Like the wood is starting to turn back into wood. But he's got a hole big enough for himself to get back up. So he pulls himself up and you can hear him smashing and crashing around in this room. And he says to coma and he just drops your axe through. I catch it. Yeah.

Snatch. And he throws down some bags. He's got all of your stuff basically. Okay. It's like, I can't find Ving's things. It's wait. He has. They didn't capture them. What am I talking about? Then whose stuff is this? And he just throws down like a burlap sack. I grab it too. And he pokes his head down. He's like, hey, Tacoma, I think we're robbing these guys now. Tacoma gets so excited because he's like, cool. I'm like, throw me everything that you could find.

If you want to take time and potentially have more guards. Yeah, I don't give a shit. Let's do it. Would it defy danger? What? Maybe dexterity to like fucking rifle through seven. Okay. So I think what it is, is Perel is throwing down bag after bag of stuff. And there's no fucking clue what it is. No idea. And you hear, hey, and you turn around and there's like a group of warriors running towards you. And mirrors is like, Perel, give me my sword. Give me my sword. Give me my sword.

What do you do? I take one of the bags and I like whip it as hard as possible at the front guy's face. Oh, this is your, this is Abdul Aziz's real life hot dog move. Oh, right. Yeah. Oh, this is perfect. Okay. Uh, 2d6 plus strength. Six, seven, eight. So you absolutely obliterate the person in the front. So you've now got two warriors running at you and Perel's like, that's it. And he jumps back down. Tuck might want to just avoid combat altogether because he doesn't want to hurt these guys.

So he's going to just try and smash through the side of the boat. Oh, the actual side of the boat. Yeah. 2d6 plus strength. 13. Oh, I was going to say it's going to take you a while. Yeah, but one smash and you've already got a small hole. I keep smash. I keep smash. I keep smash. Roll 1d6. Two. So you're smashing, smashing, smashing, and you've got a hole big enough for you to get through and Mears and Perel. So you're just jumping out. I guess. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

So as you jump out, one of the warriors like swipes his sword at you and you get nicked on the arm. Ow. Two damage. Back to Billy and Ving. So what was Billy's plan? Billy had crawled back into a hole at the bottom of the ship and he's just wandering around right now. Like, well, I don't know when Ving's going to come back, but I'll just wait here. So you're just in the lower deck of the ship walking around. Yeah. I'm just whistling.

Is there anything that you would like Billy to accidentally achieve even? Yeah, I guess I'm kind of doing my like thiefy thing where I root around because they have like all their like, like, what do you call it? Cargo. Booty. Yeah. So yeah, give me a discern realities because there's a lot of activity on the upper deck. So no one's down here. Discern realities. I got nine. What am I discerning with? Wisdom. Oh, 10. Oh, tight. Okay. So you get three questions.

What here is useful or valuable to me? There's a bunch of hammocks strung all over the place because this seems to be where like rowers and stuff sleep. But in the far corner, you find a hammock that's woven out of a sort of silver thread. Like, it's a very shiny silver fiber. Have I seen it before? Well, you'd have to spell Laura about that. Okay. I got nine. Nine. Okay. So that's something interesting but not necessarily useful. Okay.

So full disclosure, I just said it was made of a silver material. I don't know what it is. What do we think it is? It's that same material that that blue blanket was made out of. Buttermoth silk. Yeah. It's made out of so you that is the thing. You notice that this looks a lot like the material that your like cloak slash blanket is made out of. Yeah. And you remember, oh shit, they said it was buttermoth silk. Yeah. So I'm rolling around in it. Yeah. Like a cat. Yeah.

But what I was going to say was that this seems to be the sleeping quarters of someone that's been here for a long time. There's like candles melted into beams and there's a little framed photograph of a woman and there is a small really beaten well-worn waterlogged almost journal. I want to take the journal because I know Tuck will like it. Does he see anything cool in there when he's flipping through? Yeah.

I see some drawings and he sees a lot of the same runes that are on the ship and all over and he's like and I think they're the same ones that are on that guy the old man. And there's like diagrams of a small boat and stuff like that. Yeah. And all these different weird drawings of things that you don't recognize at all. Like engineering drawings? Yeah. Like lots of gadgets. Lots of like math that I assume is math. Uh-huh. Numbers and stuff. Yeah.

I get bored because it reminds me of Perel a lot. And you're just flipping through quickly and on one page you see a rough drawing of a figure that feels very familiar to you, Billy. Oh, yeah. So I'm looking at that. That's what I've focused on. It's just a tall looking like lean figure with very angular features and a very you just can't place it. Something seems familiar and that's all you can get from that. Okay. So what am I on the lookout for?

I think something that I can say that Billy would definitely infer from previous conversations with Shathane about it is that hammock is at the very least very valuable. Mm-hmm. Because that's a lot of fucking butter moth silk. Mm-hmm. Because when Shathane saw your little patch of it, he was like, wow, that is a very special gift. So you know that this hammock is probably like primo coin. Okay. So I actually don't take the hammock. Yeah.

Are you just like, well, I don't think that they would like if I stole their hammock. Yeah, because I'm looking around and it's like, you know, I know that whoever lives here really cares about it. I'm like, I bet this is his boat and I kind of already like, owned a lot of it. That's very sweet. And took the book of his innermost secret. Yeah. So I'm going to be respectful. Closes the book, puts it in his own bag. Erases his name, puts Billy on it. Yeah.

Billy has no respect for books, but knows that Tuck likes them. Yeah, like I don't, yeah, exactly. Like I know what I respect and that's like comfort and like people's, like their treasures where they feel comfy. But I don't really think of books as like precious. Yeah. Yeah. Useful. Yeah. But I know, I know that they give you comfort and that you enjoy them. So I'm like, this is a present for Tuck. Yeah. Oh, so cute. Yeah. It's such a cute thing. Is there something I could steal for Vang?

There's like a knife. There is the framed photo that has a picture of a woman in it. Like a, like a watercolor painting almost. And the frame looks like it's pretty nice. But there's not a ton of stuff here, surprisingly. Like there doesn't seem like there's a lot of shit. Any jars of stuff? There's like a, kind of in the wall, like, you know, when they build walls. There's like, little bits of wood that stick out like a shelf. Yeah, totally.

Anyway, there's a few jars up there with some dried things and some liquid stuff. And I've grabbed something that looks like it might have something pickled in it. Cool. Perfect. A weird pickled thing. I love it. So yeah, there's a little jar and Billy grabs that. I grab that. As he can hear Tuck literally smashing through the side of the boat. Every once in a while you feel the boat lurch to the side. I look around and I'm like, okay, no one's coming. Just like, that's probably Tuck.

Well, he's probably gonna get me soon. Yeah. So what else? You get one more question. All right. What here is not what it appears to be? Ooh, okay. So yeah, ooh, okay. Yum, yum. You do hear footsteps approaching and you hear a voice that is the Torch of McCall. Hide in the straw pile under the hammock. Yeah. And the Torch and the Captain, pad down, say, they're making this so difficult. Like you can hear the Torch talking and the Captain's like muttering too quiet for you to hear.

And he's like, yes, well, they forced our hand. If one of them is a wizard, the potential danger is too great. This is something that we have to do. And they walk up to, like you're hiding and this hammock is in a corner. So along that wall, they walk up and the Torch does the same, same thing that he did on the brass door on a section of the wooden wall. Oh my God. And you hear it thunk and it moves aside, revealing a hidden room. And you hear something moving inside the room. Oh my God. Yeah.

What do you do? Yeah, I sneak up, of course. 2D6 plus dexterity. Nine. Okay. Oh shit. Okay. So Billy does sneak up and you, you creep up walking behind like benches that the rowers are on, like going from leg to leg and you can see past the Torch and the captain into the room. And here's a question that I want to ask you guys. What? What does a demon of truth look like? That it looks different for everyone. Ooh. Yeah. What does it look like for Billy? Okay.

So Billy sees himself, but like a very like wild thing, almost like, like a child, but like a child of like plants, like made of like, like there's like so much, like it's almost weird to look at because it's like human, but not. And like ghostly almost, but like, like vines and flowers and buds and like dead things. And. Like a forest thing. Like a forest thing. And, and it's like bright and shining, glowing. Yeah. Cool.

You can see, this creature that you don't, you don't understand what it is. And it looks at you past the torch and past the captain with eyes that look like blooming roses. Yeah. Whoa. And says, what are you? And you can feel yourself say without a second thought, I am a spring fae of the endless bows. Whoa. So truth demons can. Oh my God. They can demand truths from people. Oh shit. Yeah. And you put your hand, my hand over my mouth and the torch and the captain turn and look at you.

Uh, and we'll cut back to Ving. What's Ving doing? So when Ving and Billy jumped off the ship, Ving went up in the air to call the Thunderbird. Okay. So, uh, give me a defy danger wisdom. I got seven. So you fly up into the air and perch on the top of the mast of the purifier. Yeah.

And you can see through the eyes of the Thunderbird and you see, uh, Milton and another crystal Bay pirate, like terrified, like holding out pieces of meat from so far away that there's no way it could even reach it and kind of shuffling forward and shuffling back and talking to each other and like arguing and being like, no, no, no, no, no, no. And then moving forward every time it moves their head, they like duck. Yeah.

But, but you can, every once in a while, the Thunderbird is just like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, you hear that through your ears and then it feels you hear it through your ears and you can see it turn its head and look towards the purifier.

It can't see you specifically because its eyes aren't that sharp yet, but it knows that you're over there and it spreads its wings and starts flying across the Bay. Um, and the Thunder rolls and the lightning strikes. What a Milton in that other pirate. Oh, thank Christ. They, they fall over backwards when the Thunderbird takes off. Like people that are accidentally behind a jet engine at an air show, they tumble. Their hats fall off.

The one huge wing beat just sends up a cloud of sand and rocks and stuff. And the Thunderbird starts hauling ass to the purifier. Tuck, you've jumped into the ocean, I presume. Oh, no, I jumped out and started climbing up to the top deck because I didn't know where Billy and Vang were. Okay. Defy danger strength because that's some like gymnastic shit. And I was, I've also got Perel and mirrors on my back. Oh my God. Defy danger strength. And all the shit that we stole.

I'm tempted to say that if you don't get like a 13, you can't do this, but I want to see it happen anyways. There's so much at stake and we have no idea what it is. Yeah, totally. Oh, 11. Well, fuck me. That's an unmitigated success. So you, you do it. It's like, it's like Andre the giant in the princess bride. That's what I was imagining. Yeah. Climbing up the rope with, uh, that wall of Sean on his back. Yeah. And, and fucking everyone's complaining because I'm going back to the fight. Yeah.

Mirrors is like, no, we should escape. I was like, yeah, we should get out of here. What are you doing? Tacoma? I'm like, we got to find Billy and Ving or else the whole thing is going to be really narratively confusing. Isn't this exciting? Everybody at the very least hurry up. Gosh. And you eventually haul your ass up onto the deck with all these people. And it is pandemonium. And, but the thing is, is that everybody's running. They're running around and they don't even know why anymore.

Cause Billy disappeared over the side. Uh, Ving the bat is on the, the mast, but they just know that there was some sort of monster. And then they see you, you come over the deck, you flop over with two people in a bunch of their stuff. And I, I stand up and I'm like, I claim this ship. I am your captain now. And then I, I, I, I grab one of them. Who's running by me. And I'm like, I killed the torch of McCall. He's dead. Ooh. Don't you have a move? That's like intimidate or frighten your foes.

Oh yeah. Yeah. You're trying to intimidate or frighten your foes. And I think you have to do a show of strength. So what is the move? It's war cry. When you enter the battle with a show of force role plus charisma and on a 10 plus, you're at a 10 plus. Your allies are rallied and you take plus one forward and your enemies feel fear and act accordingly. Okay. Oh my God. It was like two sentences. So your work. So you're, what you're saying is that I've killed the torch of McCall. Yeah.

And this is my boat now. Yeah. This is my boat now. Wait. And I have to do a show of force, right? So what do you, what does your show of force? The show of force is that he drops everything and then like reaches into his own pack and then pops a music. Bottle of like screamo metal. Yeah. And, and then he's going to do a bunch of pretty wild acts. Move. Okay. All right.

And the song that's playing is the song from the beginning of the first new star Trek movies sabotaged by the beastie boys sabotaged by the, yeah, the song is playing a sabotage by the beastie boys. Yeah. And that was actually in the cargo hole. Great. Yeah. That's someone's personal music. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It belongs to the captain. Yeah. Do I have to roll? Yeah. For war cry. Oh yeah. Yeah. What is it? Plus charisma. Yeah. Eight. Okay. So you get one of one or the other.

Your enemies feel fear. Yeah. Okay. So they are, so they're, they're scared, but they are warriors. No, let describe my ax moves. How I look, you describe your ax. Okay. So it looks a lot like capoeira. Yeah. Zero precedent for this at all, but okay. Continue. No, he's a good dancer. Yeah. Based on, he thinks he's a good dancer. There's really no historical evidence, but okay. But he like really tunes into Larry, Terry and Chad.

He's like doing like flips around his neck and stuff and like throwing it really high and catching it. And in his mind, he's like, I've never pulled it off for this long. And I'd say half of them are too wary to approach you, but half of them are like, you can see psyching themselves up for it. It's sort of like a Kung Fu movie and that they sort of rush you one at a time. Oh, okay. So one, one comes at you with a sword and is screaming it and swinging it at you. What do you do?

Punch him in the face. Okay. Hack and slash. Nine. So he staggers back into the crowd again, like a Kung Fu movie. Okay, cool. And he goes, Ooh, and they pick him up and they put him back on his feet and they push him back towards you. Uh, and he runs up, it goes like, Ooh, and swings, but is so nervous and beat up that he swings too far and just punches you in the face with the pommel of his sword. Ow. So give a D six, three, three. Yeah. I take two. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Pops you right in the nose. You can feel blood start pouring out of your nose. That's the point when the song does that big scream. Yeah. And I join in with the song. Oh, and as this fight is continuing, the Thunderbird approaches. Bing, what are you doing? I dive bombing the group of sailors behind the other guy as a bat. Oh, like you've met up with the Thunderbird in the air, in the air. Yeah. Coming down a corkscrew. Uh huh. Sick. Cool. Screaming. That song. Yeah. Oh my God.

Oh, the sky starting to darken with clouds. Oh, it's yeah. As it's darkening and you're like, listen, no, y'all, it's a sabotage. Listen, no, y'all, it's a sabotage. Swirling of clouds. Yeah. Darkening of air. Yeah. Billowing of, of sales. And then the quiet stabbing stops and the hole appears. Yeah. Pretty sick. Pretty sick.

And tucks just tucks on the deck, just throwing punches and doing that thing where someone rushes you and you duck down, get your shoulder under them and just throw them over the side of the boat. Sick. Yeah. And, uh, there's a Thunderbird. Now the huge storm of wings, gray, gray is the sky. That's the bat. The Thunderbird is going to come down and swoop through the main sail and snip the wires and try and cover all the guys in the sale. Cool. Uh, okay. Yeah. So defy danger.

I want to say like dexterity for like precision. Yeah. Cause it's some like swashbuckler shit you're trying to pull off. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Defy danger. Dexterity. Ooh. Plus dexterity. Ooh. Six. Oh, oh, oh, oh. And he aids. I think. Yeah, I can aid. Yeah. I think maybe tuck could like see what Vang is trying to pull off and like whip the ax. Yeah. Or like a shit slice through some of the lines. Like the Thunderbird maybe doesn't get all of them.

So I, I throw Terry Larry and Chad to like slice some of the lines too. Okay. So that's going to be two D six plus the bonds that you have between eight. Okay. So you both get a seven to nine. I think that means straight up tuck is stuck on the boat. Uh, and you're probably going to get smashed up a little bit more by the shit that's falling and by the people that are attacking you. Totally. Yeah. Basically you're going to distract most of the people on the boat. Tuck. Give me a hack and slash.

Uh, 12. Oh yeah. Uh, roll your damage for four. Okay. Yeah. So I'll, uh, Jackie Chan cinema, a few more light guard warriors rush you and you're kind of, you don't want to kill anybody. So you're just kind of boxing dudes that run up to you. It's a lot of punch, punch, get punched. They're not hitting you hard enough to get through your like natural toughness. And it's the sort of thing where you'll duck down. Someone will run at you.

You'll crouch, get your shoulder under them, whip them over the side of the boat. You suplex a guy through a barrel. You do the people's elbow. You just tap your arm and then you drop on him. And the Thunderbird starts flying through the lines on the ship, snapping sail lines. And you see the like one line that is not going to get snapped.

And you take Larry, Terry and Chad whip it overhand flips through the air, slams into the mast and cuts a line, but is now stuck in the mast, like 15 feet in the air maybe. And the whole sail just billows down and lands on a bunch of people. And you can hear him going, Oh, and then a lot of flopping around, but the deck is very well covered. Uh, there's not a huge amount of effective fighting going on anymore. What has been doing? What being goes up and he's purchased on the ax.

So he's got a lot of stuff to try and get it. Oh yeah. Okay. So give me a defy danger strength for your bat self to try and shake it loose. Uh, nine, nine. Okay. Um, you land on it. You grip it with your little bat feet and your bat wings, and you're kind of bouncing up and down on it and it comes loose and it just drags you down to the deck so fast. Uh, roll a D six to the bop your head pretty bad. Bam. And the Thunderbird has landed on the deck and we cut down into the hold of the ship.

It's a young fat Billy who has just divulged a truth. He doesn't understand. Yeah. Barely even know what half those things mean. Yeah, exactly. What did he say again? Said I am a spring Faye of the endless bows. Okay. And you're being stared at by the torch of McCall and the captain of the ship and whatever the hell that thing in the room is. What do you do? Hi, I'm just gonna go and I just try to run away. Cause I'm like, yeah, totally. Okay. Uh, two D six plus dexterity plus dexterity.

Oh, I failed. Doesn't matter. Six. Oh, a six. Yeah. So you start running through the decks and as you're running this sheet of heat, just courses over your head. And all of a sudden the bench that you were starting to run under is on fire in front of you. Oh shit. Uh, I turn around, like try to go around it. No, you skid to a halt. And like the captain is right next to you when you turn. And that you look behind you and the torch of McCall is there in this like fighter stance.

I know he looks kind of like an asshole, but it's very much a like karate kind of stance that you can guess. He just used to project that fire. And he says, you're not going to get away from me that easily. Young one. And he picks you up and the creature in the room has now stood up on its two legs and is walking out of the room. And we cut back to the deck. Tuck, you're pulling yourself out of this sail. And every once in a while, punching a face that becomes visible thing.

You're shaking yourself awake from your little concussion. And you hear the voice of the torch of McCall ring out. Cease this foolish fighting and tuck. You look over and being, you look over and the torch has Billy kind of by the scruff of his neck, like a cat that he found outside. Yeah. And he says, no one is going anywhere until the truth of this matter is determined. And it will be very soon. And this figure comes up behind the torch of McCall.

And it looks different to you, Ving than it does to tuck. What does it look like to Ving? It looks like a forest elf. Oh, made out of many different like chunks of animals all over this body. Ice, like an ice zombie made out of all different dead animals, piercing blue eyes. Spooky. Yeah. Weird legs, like behooved legs. Yeah. Yeah. And what does it look like to tuck? Tuck doesn't see anything. Whoa. So cool. I think maybe we'll end it there. That's a pretty cool revelation.

My name is Sean O'Hara. No. I'm your game master. This has been Spout Lore. Thank you for joining us. Joining me as always playing Ving, the half elf druid, Paul Oppers. Take care. Playing Billy, the halfling thief, Jessica tie. Bye. Playing Tacoma dome, the barbarian, Abdul Aziz. Goodbye. Thanks to Aaron Reed for our intro and outro music. Thanks to Adam Coble and Sage Latour for the game Dungeon World. Thanks to all our Patreons, the supporters and listeners all around the world.

You can find us at Spout Lore, most places. And thank you to you for listening. And so ends the tale of adventures three who tried the best they can. Though dumb and scared and lost, they be for times of breast in revelry. And though our journey may be like a conclusion, we will not leave you without a resolution. Return next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores. And for you, I gladly Spout Lore. Have a good night, everybody.

If you're listening to this at night, if you're listening to this during the day, I hope your day is good. If you're listening to this in the morning, I hope you had a good sleep. If you're listening to this at the end of the day, I hope you have a good sleep. And if you're listening to this with your family, well, that's nice. And if you listen to this alone, thanks for having us with you in this private time. And if you are listening to this on your commute, I'm so sorry.

Commuting is rough, but I hope you're going to a job that you like. And if you don't have a job that you like, I hope that you have a richness in your life that you pursue outside of the workplace. And if you don't have that, I hope that you have some people that really care for you. And if you don't, if that's a thing that you're still looking for, I hope that you have a inner richness that nourishes you, spiritually and emotionally.

And if you don't have any of that, then I hope that you just really appreciate this song by the Beastie Boys. Good night, everybody.

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape, and wields a spear with great might Peely's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends, and listen close For the tale's about to start Welcome to Spout Lore I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara, the master of games Joining me as always, playing Ving, the half-elf druid Balloppers Welcome Playing Fat Billy, the halfling thief, Jessica Tai Welcome And playing T'Kermit, Dermot Bob Berion Abdulaziz Hey Fuck you man I was doing a thing We were all doing a thing We were all doing a thing, and you were the only one Yeah, I ruined it No you didn't ruin it, you enriched it with your own specific brand of chaos Just say welcome Welcome And we are here to continue our game of Dungeon World, a game by Adam Coble and Sage LaTorah And when we last left that game, our heroes were in quite a state of duress Tacoma Dome, Mears Foulsmith, and Perel, last name unknown, were having a blast The Purofire, the flagship of the Torch of Makal, was held in the interrogation chamber of the Purofire, the flagship of the Torch of Makal, of Makal's light guard Mears had just given himself up, and almost immediately, Tacoma Dome decided to spit in the face of that sacrifice by throwing uncertainty into the mix The Torch of Makal left with the captain of the Purofire to bring back something that would make the process much clearer and much quicker, if only to make things scarier for the characters Billy and Ving, who were hiding in the corridor outside of the interrogation chamber, hid in a moment of fright and danger Billy diving into a wine barrel, Ving turning into a white bat, and now you're stuck as that bat, as far as we can tell They escaped from the interrogation chamber and enacted a prison break of proportions that are to, frankly, be expected of this group Billy and Ving fled to the top deck while bringing a bunch of terrified light guard warriors in their wake Due to a, there's a bat in the air A bat in my hair sketch they decided to perform for the first time Pirell dug through the ceiling of the deck by turning the wood into, like, a clay-like material to recover their equipment and a bunch of bags of stuff that does not belong to them Awesome As a fight was about to break out, Tuck smashed through the side of the deck and climbed Princess Bride-style with everyone and everything on his back onto the top deck While Billy got to the top deck and then dove over the side and climbed into the box Billy and Ving ran into the box, and then ran into the box Billy and Ving ran into the box, and then ran into the box Billy and Ving ran into the box Billy and Ving ran into the box Billy and Ving ran into the box Billy and Ving ran into the box Billy and Ving ran into the box Billy and Ving ran into the box Billy and Ving ran into the box Billy and Ving ran into the box Billy and Ving ran into the box Billy and Ving ran into the box Billy and Ving ran into the box Billy and Ving ran into the box Billy and Ving ran into the box Billy and Ving ran into the box Billy and Ving ran into the box Billy and Ving ran into the box Billy and Ving ran into the box Billy and Ving ran into the box Billy and Ving ran into the box Billy and Ving ran into the box Billy and Ving ran into the box Billy and Ving ran into the box then looked past the torch and the captain directly into young Billy's eyes, asked him what he was, and he said, I am a spring fae of the endless boughs.

So cool. What? What a cool thing to be. And then, listen all y'all, there was a sabotage on the top deck. Tuck mixed it up Jackie Chan style Legend of Drunken Master 2 by people rushing one at a time and Tuck beating the shit out of them. Ving called his Thunderbird companion for help. They then ripped the shit out of all of the sails and lines that they could with some cool synchronized flying acrobatics.

Tuck's help led to a bunch of sails being spread across the deck and the torch of McCall came up with young Billy by the scruff of his neck and said, that's enough. We're going to get to the bottom of this one way or the other. And the truth demon came on deck. Ving saw it as a figure of elfin stature made of bits of forest and black glass and the frozen tundras and Tuck didn't see anything at all. And that is where we find our heroes now. The torch of McCall is holding Billy aloft.

I'm just thinking about that feeling of seeing that thing come up on the deck and Ving being like, what is that? And then Tuck not seeing like what is what and how much more afraid Ving would have been when his best friend didn't see the thing that he was so scared. Yeah. Yeah. Creepy. What do you do? I guess I ask what is what is that? What the hell is that? Who is that? Tuck is just like that is the torch of McCall. No, I'm not talking about him. You idiot.

That thing beside him, that beast, that monster, that the captain because the captain came up to, right? Yeah. Yeah. The captain is there as well. I see a captain. I see Billy and I see the torch of McCall. That hideous beast. He's like, yeah, that old captain gross. Oh, yeah. So old. Saggy skin. Disgusting. Lightguard warriors you see are like extricating themselves from the sail and as they get up and they see the torch of McCall and Ving, obviously they see the demon.

They're like kneeling on the deck with their eyes closed and the torch walks slowly forward. It's that sort of thing where you guys are backing up into a ring as the torch gets closer. So cool. It's like a half circle against the side of the ship. Like what's going to happen? Everybody's tense. You can see the muscles in Perel's hands moving in a weird way. Like he's tensed up for something and Mears is holding his boat or his holding his boat. He doesn't have a sword anymore.

He's got a toy boat. He's got a little. Oh, yeah. No, he's got he's got an or makes sense like a broken or that he has. It's just shaking in his hand. I'm like, what happened to your fucking sword? I don't know. I assume it's in the sail somewhere and the torch walks forward with Billy in his hands. Billy, what are you doing? I'm literally like, if you were just to hold like a little pup like my arms and legs are tucked in. I'm just like, I want to do.

I can't get out of here and I'm trying to avoid looking at that thing behind by me. Oh, yeah, because it's me. It's you. Creepy. Very creepy. What does the bird see? Oh, I don't know. Do you have to roll for it? No, you'd have to ask the bird. Oh, wait. No, you can see through the bird's eyes. Oh, my God. Of course. I don't need to ask what the bird sees. Yeah. I see the bird sees.

The bird is like got one talon on one mast and one on like a bunch of lines and it's just like sitting on top of the boat. Then you look through its eyes for a moment. Yeah. And it's looking down at the deck and it just sees where the elf monster is standing like a roiling pillar of storm clouds and it's got like crackles of lightning through it and different colors of different light and energy. A little incandescent clouds storming. Yeah. Exactly.

The torch walks forward with the demon behind him and says this could have been so easy. This could have been so simple. But now we're going to get the truth one way or the other. Tuck, you see him step to the side and just leave a gap in between him and the captain. But Ving, you see this thing walk towards you. I grab a harpoon. Quivering hand.

The truth demon looks at you Ving and you've got your harpoon in your hand and it's shaking and it's looking at you with eyes that look like stones in a frozen river and it says, who are you? And you say you feel this come out of you. You say, I am Ving Vang Zumba the spirit walker, child of forest and frost, prince of the boreal reach. What? Sick. Wow. Holy shit. You're a prince. Is that too much? Eat shit, that's cool. I've been thinking that Ving's dad is like a member of whatever royalty is.

So Ving is this like exiled prince. Oh my god. And Tuck hears him say this and he is starting to clue into the fact that there's something going on that he can't see. You don't hear anything. I didn't hear the question and I can see that everyone's looking at the gap between the torch and the captain and there's something that I can't see. I'm kind of getting freaked out. Totally. And I also heard Ving say that and I was, I am just like, that wasn't his voice.

Yeah, it was but it's not, it didn't sound like Ving was using his voice. Yeah, it's not how he talks. That's cool. And so Billy and Ving, you see it, look over at Mirrors and ask the same question, who are you? And Mirrors says I am Mirrors Bernadette Faust. Tuck starts laughing his buns off. And he We all start laughing. You can see him blushing and all he says afterwards is I am trying really hard. Oh and then it looks over at Perel heartbreaking and asks, who are you?

And Perel says, I am Perel a wizard. Oh, he didn't mean it. No, this is a and I'm like, no, he's a box. I put my shit in. So Tuck, all of these people around you have just divulged these huge secrets. Ving looks to Tuck like, what's he going to divulge? Is there like a long pause? Is everyone waits for me to say a thing? No, it's just that when the torch hears Perel say I am a wizard, he gently, puts Billy on the deck. Yeah, I scramble to Ving and Tuck.

And I step in front of Perel and he says, you don't want to do this, brother. I follow Tuck and I grab onto Perel's hand and I want to make a shield. Oh, yeah. I think you're trying really hard to. Okay. You're like, magic! We can all hear Billy like self-taught. Yeah. Magic, magic, magic. I can do it. Just let it out. It's no big deal. You've done it before. Yeah, and nothing's happening right now. We can smell some stuff. Some stuff is happening. Something's happening.

And Mears grabs his stupid fucking oar and moves up next to Tuck and does that like, it's a cross in front of me. Don't come any closer. I call down the bird. Okay. What's the bird going to do? It's in behind Perel and puts its wings in. Yeah. It drops like talons on the side of the boat right behind Perel and its wings go out in a very predatory and like threat display kind of manner. And everyone that was close to the deck is backing up. They were fine.

They were like, okay, we're going to take down these nerds and then the birds there and they all kind of back up a little bit like, oh, fuck. And the torch moves forward and says, it's done. We know he's a wizard. Just give him to us. Go on your way. Best case scenario for you right now is you leave and we do not accuse you of aiding and abetting a dangerous individual. Uh, no. It's not going to happen. That's right. You're going to have to fucking kill us if you want this nerd.

That was the next plan, yes. Okay, so you all surround Perel and you can… You can see him breathing really hard but he's looking at all of you. He's like, just stall them. Somebody get in front of me. I'm in front. The bat jumps in front. And I guess Tuck's pretty close. He's a good… He's good cover. I'm in front too. And the torch is just like basically trying to monologue. He's saying like, wizards were responsible for a massive period of death and destruction. Oh, blah, blah, blah.

I've heard it a million times. You don't understand the dangers, the potential threats that this individual poses to the world at large. I know. Look at those pants. Am I right? Offensive. Look at this fucking crime of fashion. He's got the hat and the fucking feather again. And I'm like, that was six fucking coins that he spent on that feather. Somebody roll to like distract them. Who is the most charisma? I have plus one charisma. I have plus one. I have plus two. Yeah, maybe Tuck. Okay.

I'm just arguing. I'm like, you're condoning a genocide? Okay, dude, that's fucking weird. Twelve. Okay, yeah. He's like, it's not genocide. I'm protecting the world from mass death. By causing mass death. The death of one is not mass death. He's the last one. Maybe that's the way it should be. Just step aside. And when he says that, I… Try and commune with the ex to see what the fuck everyone is looking at. Oh, yeah. Yeah. What's that move? For the blood god? Oh, yeah.

You're initiated in the old ways, the ways of sacrifice. Choose something from your god's value. Blood, gold, bones, or the like. When you sacrifice those things as per your rites and rituals, on a ten plus, the GM will grant you insight into your current trouble or a boon to help you. On a seven to nine, the sacrifice is not enough and your god's take of your flesh as well, but still grants some insight or boon. Spooky. Very spooky. Yeah. So, I'm gonna roll first. Two to six plus wisdom.

Oh, yeah. Nine. So, it's like you basically just cut your hand. I am aware that Perel is still wanting to stall. So, I take the axe and I cut a massive slice across my chest. Oh! And I'm like, you're not crossing this line. And I point to the, like, blood that's seeping out. I'm talking about this one on my chest I just made. Do you get the intimation? Yeah. It's actually a very cool thing to say. Yes. You're like, I'm the line. Yeah. You gotta get past me.

Sometimes people draw the line in front of them, but I drew it here. Look. You see it? Yes. So, you feel Larry, Terry, and Chad in the axe. And after you say you're not crossing this line, you hear them say, that's a pretty cool thing to say, man. That was pretty tight. What's going on? What do you need? I want to see what everyone else is seeing. You don't see it? No. What is it? Oh, just a sec, man. And you feel the axe, like, vibrate in your hand very gently.

And you see a very old, very tired-looking man. Hmm. Just a guy. Like, sagging skin, just tired bones. And I feel coming through, through the axe, a question. Mm-hmm. And I feel myself go, what are you? Oh. And I ask the old man that. Uh-huh. And his eyes come up, and he looks surprised that you addressed him, almost happy to talk to someone. And he says, I am Ama Morani, scholar, vessel for the icon of truth. Mm-hmm. What's the boon?

The boon is that you see an old man standing there, and you realize, oh, whatever this is, at its core, it's a person. Like, this is just an old, frail man. Whatever hold it has on everyone, it doesn't seem to have on you for whatever reason. Mm-hmm. But there's just a human person in here. Mm-hmm. Yeah. What do you see, Tuck? And I look at the torch, and I'm like, Mm-hmm. I see a slave. That's dope. Sick line. Sick line. We keep talking about the lines we just said over and over again.

This is so fun. And this whole time you've heard Perel kind of shuffling. Is anybody looking at Perel? I'll look at Perel. So you see just the end of this. The handkerchief that he had in his sleeve has grown up his arm across his chest, across his other arm as well. And then down his body and his robes. It's his full wizard's robes. And you can feel the waves of magic coming off him stronger, much stronger than they were before. Yeah, I feel it in my body too because I'm holding him.

Exactly, yeah. And you feel the robe push past you as it fills out. And he takes his hat off and he says, Tacoma, brace yourself. And I hunker down on the axe, I guess. And I'm like, huh. And he… Billy, you see him throw his hands down to either side and the magic just courses out of him as this entire side of the deck of the ship turns to mud. You all just drop and slide off into the ocean and land on one of the lifeboats that was lowered down halfway down the deck. Whoa.

And the whole thing just like buckles under your weight and the ropes start to snap and fall down towards the water. Landslide of a boat. Yeah. And Mears goes, ah! And he throws his oar in the air and goes, okay, what do we do now? We're all covered in this. We're all covered in this. This is disgusting wood mud. This smells like fucking squirrel diarrhea. And Perel is like, that was as far as I thought. Can anyone move this thing? Oh, can I do like the left…

It's almost like the leftover magic from him. I have to like blast out my body, like diarrhea, basically. But not actual diarrhea. Yeah. No, like just shunt it into the water. Yeah. I want to get out of bat form. Can I do anything with that? Can Vink jump into the water and drink it in into the gills? What if that power kind of… Propels you shape shift into like a marine creature? That's what I was hoping for. Oh. I just imagine you breathing in that magic into your gills and it's just like…

Yeah. And then you transform. Yeah, that's what I was hoping for. Yeah. Thanks. Totally. So that sounds like maybe a shape shift with like an aid from Billy. Sure. With his little magic shunt. Although, Billy, we've said in the past when you use magic like this, there is a price. But I mean, it depends on how the aid goes, I guess. So Vink 2D6 Plus Wisdom. Billy 2D6 Plus Bond. 12. Fuck. 12. Fuck. No, I think this is like a perfectly synchronized. Those roles are both so good. Woo.

So yeah, this like kaleidoscope of colored magic energy bursts into the water like an oil slick. Yeah. Billy's like, I need to get rid of this. And Vink's like, I have an idea. And he jumps over the side of the boat. And he said, put your hands on my gills. And Billy puts his hands on his gills. Yeah. And then… And it just comes out. Like, I can't even contain it. Just let it go, Billy. Just let it all go.

Pouring out of Vink's mouth and his eyes as he's growing huge and turning into a gigantic orca. Killer whale. Cool. Killer whales and thunderbirds go great together. Uh-huh. Oh, yeah. There's actually a lot of myths about killer whales and thunderbirds. Really? Yeah. Cool. He grabs the line, the lead line off the front. Yeah. Toes the boat. Totally. And where are you taking the boat? Where's the safest place to go? I thought we would run away from them to the cave. Yeah. Cave is the safest.

Yeah. So we're over here. The cave's over there. Yeah. Because their cave entrance is not super hidden. Like, their original one is kind of hidden, but not really. But you do know they have a secret harbor. Right. Oh, yeah. The one we said goodbye to Allison. Yeah. Let's go to the secret harbor. The cave harbor. Head to the cave harbor. Give me one of those hold. Hold spent. It's yours. And as we're going away, I want to look back and see if I can see this Amma. What? Is that what he said? Yeah.

Amma. Yeah. So his name is Amma Marrani? Yeah. He's the guy who started the library? He said that was his last name, and he said that he was a scholar. Okay. Yeah. And that he was the vessel for the icon of truth. Yeah. So I look back. Everybody's scrambling. Like, the warriors in the deckhands are freaking out trying to get the boat moving. There's people sliding in the water down the mud. Yeah. People fell. They're like, wow. Different parts of the deck continue to turn to mud. Whoa.

So people are just tumbling into the ocean or falling through the deck. The boat is listing to the side. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Because it's losing equilibrium. Yeah. It's got a huge hole in it. It's titanium. It's like the Titanic King? Yeah. Oh, no. It goes up vertical, and then it snaps the end. Like the Titanic. Yeah. The transformation's spreading out the middle, so it's losing structural integrity. Yeah. Yeah. Center first, too. It's slower than that.

You don't know what'll happen after you leave, but it's definitely starting to crack. We can hear. And you can just see Tuck looking back. You can see the man that called himself Amma with his hands on a part of the deck that is still intact, just watching you sadly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I turn around, and I was like, well, that was a bummer, right? Yeah. It was so weird to see myself like that. What did you see? What did you see? I saw old nerds. Did they look like you?

No, nothing like me. What did you guys see? I saw myself, but weird. I don't know. What do you mean weird? Like fancy, but also nature-y. Like if I was a dream boy. Cool. Wow. That's very… I saw something similar, Bill. Real? Yeah, but a monster. Oh, no. Was I that bad? No, you were perfect. What did you see? You mean before I became a fucking whale guy? Oh, yeah. Woo! Oh, yeah. Right, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I guess we're talking to a whale that's… Yes. He's so excited. This one's not bad.

I like being this one. I saw myself as a monster. From where I'm from, all the places that I've been. As a chimera of my past. It's terrifying. What did Mears see? Yeah, Mears, what did you see? Mears just says… Yeah, I saw a chimera, too. You're lying to us. What did you see? I saw a chimera. I saw a chimera. Tell us what you saw. I saw a chimera, like what Bing said. What's a chimera, Mears? Okay, I don't really understand what I saw. Was it a turnip? Was it a rutabaga? I think you…

I think it was me. But older. He had a metal hand. But… He was alone. Whoa. And I just want to say, Bernadette's a family name. We all start laughing again. Your middle name is Bernadette. It's a family name. I'm not ashamed of it. Wait, was your grandfather's middle name Veronica? Yeah. Okay. The women in our family are greatly respected. Okay. That's nice. Yeah, shut up about it. Okay. And so I guess we'll just cut to the secret harbor.

You pass through these very twisty corridors in a cliff face, and you come to this very wide open cave with a ship that you haven't seen before docked in a natural harbor inside the cave, and Crystal Bay Pirates start freaking out. Oh, it's just us, Milton. It's fine. Yeah, there's a lot of activity, and eventually Milton comes running into the cave and is like, oh, hey, where's a whale? It's me. What? Hey, Milton. And Ruby runs into the cave as well. And I'm like, hey, Ruby.

And we will cut to Ruby's chambers, maybe, like her official office chambers. It's good to get the sense that I've just… I've just been rambling for the whole walk, and I'm like, and that's why it's good to see you in a professional capacity. Tacoma, please. Welcome back to the chambers of the Crystal Bay Pirates, the Ruby Choonsday Pirate Queen. What brings you to my quarters? Are you still a whale? Not at all. Okay, great. I mean, we… I mean, where do we begin?

We got in some trouble by accident, and then… It wasn't our fault. It wasn't our fault. We had to go onto the boat of the light guard to get… Wait. Milton, please, could you leave us for a moment? And he goes, yes, of course, my queen. And he walks backwards out of the room. Waddles, he waddles. He waddles backwards. He waddles backwards. He falls over, and he rolls a couple times backwards. He goes, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, and ends up in a garbage can. With a banana peel on his head.

And the door just swings shut. Yeah, as you're watching him struggle his way out of a garbage can, it slowly creaks closed. Bing's like, I fucking love that guy. He's a riot. And Ruby's like, you were on the purifier? Yeah, is that what it's called? Yes, the flagship of the Torch of McCall, yes. Yeah, it's very fancy. I'm sure it is. I mean, it was. What do you mean? We fucked it up. Oh, no. Look at all those cool shit we got. Oh, right. I… Oh, you… A bunch of bags of stuff. Yeah, we do.

I was like, oh, right. I totally forgot. We stole this shit, and I just slam it on the ground. Stole this from the light guard. Yeah, I mean, we were trying to get our own stuff back, so it was more of kind of like a clerical error in reclamation. Why are we trying to justify ourselves to a bunch of pirates? Look at all this cool booty we got. Yeah, you should be proud of us. We were just learning from the best, which is you, of course, Ruby. Yeah.

This is kind of like we were ramping up to the internship, that two-week thing that we're going to do with you by stealing this. We thought it was all makeup. Mm-hmm. Ving obviously winks. She looks in one of the bags and rifles through some stuff and stops for a second and is like, you know what? This isn't worth it. And she closes the bag and throws it back at your feet. She says, you deal with that. So the Torch of McCall, you personally destroyed his ship? Well, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Mostly it was Perel. What state is it in right now? Not good. Like somewhere between a solid and a liquid? So there's time is what you're saying. Oh, yeah. I don't think they're going to get that ship moving for a while. It was tipping over pretty hard. But we might want to make it quick. Yeah, we should leave right now. Yes. Do you have anything that you need to collect? Oh, yes. What? Just a thing of Tug's, not mine. So I'll be right back. Oh, wow. We all forgot. Oh, my God. The VOD. Yeah.

Imagine if we just forgot a wizard monster. No, it was just poop. This is a natural. This is what the character, how our characters are actually react. Wow. Can you imagine if we forgot? God, I can't believe I have to do all the remembering you guys. This is crazy. Oh, yeah. I just want to say that I remember too. There's a lot of shit that I forget on this adventure. But I also remember that stupid VOD. So I'm just going to go get the VODs. If that's cool with you guys. Totally. Yeah.

Go get it. And Ruby's kind of looking around like anyone would tell me what this VOD business is about. Absolutely not. Okay. Tuck, I didn't want to throw you under the bus. What? What? It's his shit. Shit. It's. What? It's his. Right? It's his what? His shit. Billy. Shit like poo, like feces. You can choose a different word. You're right. His poop. Don't choose a dirty one when a clean will do. His butt demons.

If you're going to lie, if you're going to lie to a professional criminal, you're going to have to roll for it. 2D6 plus. Oh, my God. Oh, I got 10. Oh, my God. And she is just like, and it is important to you to recover this feces. I mean, not to me, but to him. Also, he's disgusting. Me look at him. And I look at Ruby and I'm like, yeah, I'm fucked up. I say. He's doing the hand rolling like, yep, yep, yep, yep. I ain't saved my own shit. Stretch it out, bud. Stretch it out. I am so fucked.

Enough. Please. Enough. Enough. Please. Enough. God of the flame. Enough. Immolate my brain. Oh, Lord of fire. Please burn those thoughts from my heart. So embarrassed. So can I go get the shit vase? Absolutely. I wish you would. Okay. I'll be right back. And it's there. Like the vase is still there. And whoop. Whoop. Yeah. Here we go. Let's go. Little boy. The look on Milton's face when Billy just like grabs it like so like runs with it. Looks like he's carrying this thing full of shit.

Thanks for keeping it safe. Yeah. No problem. No problem. And he's still got a banana peel on his head. Yeah. Ruby says the timeline has been moved. We're going to get you out of here as quickly as possible. We're going to launch as soon as we're able, but it's still going to take four or five hours. Is there anything we could do to speed that up? I suppose you could help. Anything else? Yes. You will be crew on this ship. That is important for you to know. Yeah, but we're not like crew.

No, you're crew. 100% crew. There will be a captain. There will be a first mate. Oh, dibs on captain. No. First mate. Oh, yeah. High five. Yeah. We high five. Dang it. Billy, you could be admiral. Fine. Okay. Oh, yeah. That's even bigger. Whoa. I can be the god of the sea. I can be the god of the sea. Ruby. Ruby's just pinching the bridge of her nose. If you have anything that you need to take care of in the next four or five hours, I would recommend doing it quickly.

We should go back to the hotel and get our shit. Mears, go get our shit. Oh, me? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I can do this. Thank you. What do we need? Our fanny pack. And can you also check that Francis is going to be okay? Because I don't know if we're allowed to bring a big pig boy on board. Oh, Francis. No. Oh, wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Is the fanny pack at the hotel? Yeah. Put Francis in the fanny pack. I'll just put Francis in the fanny pack. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. This is great.

I was scared for a second. I thought we were going to have to leave that big, beautiful fuck behind. Yeah. I was worried that we were going to have fewer NPCs, but good. We get to maintain all of them. Yeah. And we have to also make sure to routinely feed him so he doesn't starve to death in the fanny pack. Yeah, we have to. I'll grab a bunch of hay from the stable. I'll just shove it. It's a bag of holding as well, right? Yeah. Yeah, I'll just. Put some alfalfa in there. He loves alfalfa.

Okay, I will. And he pulls up his hood down over his face so his eyes are covered. You look so cool. Yeah. And he does. Unfortunately, he does a finger gun with his metal finger. And you hear it go clink as he points it. And he does the thing that he did in the hotel where he finger guns and moonwalks out of the roof. It's a pretty long. It's hallway mirrors. Take your time, buddy. And it's uneven stone. So he's like stumbling every once in a while. We're watching the whole time.

Leave it to mirrors. Leave it to mirrors. Watch out for that banana peel. So yeah, mirrors is gone. He's going to go take care of whatever he can and come back as quickly as possible. And Ruby says, you're probably best to stay within the cave. Okay. Yes. Yeah, we're probably pretty wanted. Yeah. We made a lot. People mad at us. So yeah, the customs house. Yeah. The light guard. Uh huh. Uh huh. The DeSom Creek Theater Society. Probably not super stoked because we killed jaunter. Mm hmm.

The people who own the library and the librarians. Right. We burned down that library. And the pomegranate man. I mean, to be fair, the library is still standing. It's just all the books have been erased. And then. Oh, right. Lionel McKenzie King. Whoever that is. I don't know. I doubt that's ever going to come up again. Tuck. Yeah. We'll never see him again. Ever. Cut to. Cut to six years from now. You're out. You're on your farm where you've all retired. A low. Puff of smoke.

Gunslinger walks down the trail. Oh, no. He's loopering us. Can't stand it. I know you planned it. You're like. Running sideways through a WAPL orchard. Shooting guns as WAPLs. This is pretty cool. Around you. I like that. And Ruby's like, I have work to do. Please go. Okay. Is it dinner happening now? Yeah. Did you guys have lunch yet? We haven't eaten lunch or. I don't even know what time it is. I haven't left the caves today. Let's go to the lunchroom. Okay.

Bing's going to do a studied essence. Oh, I need to get some health points back. Oh, yeah. Actually, you guys could like rest. Yeah. That is a move. You have this huge gas. Oh, yeah. I should probably. Can you put some poultice in here? Yeah. I have. It's a green mud from the aisles. The vert grass. Oh, cool. It's got a bunch of algae in it. I'll smear it on there. So when you carefully treat someone's wounds, this will take a while. Like it's like you're slowly applying them.

So you can just do this while you're hanging out. Do it over the course of the rest. Yeah. Okay. When you carefully treat someone's wounds with poultices and herbs, heal them of seven damage and expend to use. Okay, cool. So while we rest, I'm going to lean up against Tuck's beard and like flop it over myself like a little blanket as if I'm going to be a little baby. I'm getting ready to read and I pull out that journal. So are we in the lunchroom? Yeah. Yeah.

There's like a big common area with wooden benches and stuff all over the place. And there's also like rugs and cushions if you want to eat on the floor. There's a bunch of beanbag chairs. Yeah. We're in the beanbag zone. Yeah. That's where they keep all the beans. It's actually just a bunch of sacks of beans that they use for lunch. Fava. Fava beans. Yeah. I'm eating ful, which is like mushed up fava beans mixed with tahini. We're going to learn a lot about Arabic foods. Cool. This is great.

I'm excited. I'm just eating hummus. Yeah. Straight hummus. I thought it was the same thing. He's eating hummus, but he's dipping bergam fruits in it. Oh, no. Bad idea. Oh, no. Ving has got that harpoon and he's fashioning the tip of it, the iron tip. Oh, it's brass. He stole the brass harpoon. Onto his spear. So his spear is getting a new tip. Oh, cool. He's going to start fucking using it. Yeah. I guess you wait and see. I'm into that.

There are actually weapon tags that maybe this new harpoon tip adds to Ving's weapon. Oh, cool. Is there a rope on it? Yeah. He puts a little notch on the bottom of the spear that he can tie a rope to. Oh, cool. I like how your spear's been modded. Your staff was modded into a spear and it's been broken and reforged so many times. Yeah. It reflects the changes in Ving because it was unused for the full time that you were not shapeshifting to. Oh, I like that.

Here you are reborn and here you are recrafting it just as your body has been. I also like the idea that with Ving's harpoon spear, he's just got a coil of rope that's always attached to it that he wears on his belt. Oh, sick. So when you throw it, yeah, you can reel people back in. That's pretty tight. That's really cool. It's a really nice rope too. Yeah. What kind of rope is it? It's just hemp rope. McCollin hemp. McCollin hemp and rope.

And because it was used on that ship, it reeks of saffron. Ooh, magic. It's a demon spear. Yeah. Yeah. So you guys are just kind of chilling. Are you going to like, you're going to do the make a, like make camp move basically rest for a few uninterrupted hours? Yes. Except we're camping in the beanbag common area. Yeah. I'd like to use communion of whispers. Okay. Yeah. What is that?

When you spend time in a place making note of its resident spirits and calling on the spirits of the land, roll plus wisdom, you'll be granted a vision of significance to you, your allies, and the spirits around you. Sick. Yeah. So what are you trying to learn? What do we? Oh, I think. Can we? Can we? Can we? Can we? Can we? Can we? Now that we have the, this book. Uh-huh. Do you want to like sit with it? Yeah. Well, I'll sit with Billy and like, cause Billy's going through it. Yeah.

I just want to be present and help in any way he can with trying to attune to the spirit world. If there's anything around this book, Ving wants to see if it's, if this book has a spiritual nature. What if I show you that picture of that like figure? Yeah. I'm like, I feel like I know, should know this person. Like, do you want to help me? I would love to help you. Okay. You can Spout Lore. 2d6 plus intelligence. Eight. Eight. Um, interesting, but not useful. Okay.

So Ving, you're actually reading the words. Billy's looking and trying to intimate like meaning from a lot of stuff. Can Ving understand the runes? Uh, no, it's not all written in runes. Some of it's written in common. Oh, okay. Runes, runes, runes. There are a lot of runes. Yeah. That's the thing is it's not going to be as easy as like flipping through this book for whatever info you want.

Oh, it would be sick if you were like going through it and there was like runes common and then other languages we've never seen before. Yeah, totally. Like he's like switching between languages based on what best captures the ideas that the captain needed to get down. And Ving's like, he feels on some of them, not all of them, but he feels kind of familiar with some of them. And he remembers that he, what he's remembering is he's seen those carved into the stones in the sea of graves. Ooh.

Some of them. Mm-hmm. He recognizes like he doesn't know what they say, but he knows that the Thunderbirds seen them. Yeah. Cool. That's cool. So as you're looking at this page that Billy's showing you being like, this seems familiar. Who is this? You see, there's this drawing of this angular tall figure that's very rough and undetailed, unadorned in its form. But you do see one word that you're able to translate.

It looks like it's a word that you've seen before and it translates roughly to autumn. It says autumn here, I think. Yeah. Does that mean anything to you, Billy? I mean, it's my favorite season. That's about it. Hmm. But the rest is like almost unintelligible. You'd have to really try. Well, can I commune with the whispers? No, there's no point. I think, I think you can try. I don't think you're going to get a spirit off this book. Okay. Yeah. So that's what you get from that page of the book.

Did I pick up anything cool? You have a bunch of bags of shit. Oh, right. I'd say you have like two bags. I'm so bad at remembering. So I want to rummage around in the shit that we stole. And yeah, Tuck's like, holy shit. I keep fucking forgetting we stole all of this. And I pointed a giant pile of bags. Oh, yeah. I blended in with other bean bags. So I start like, like, I take the impenetrable billhook that I still have. And I start like slicing into them.

And then the first one I cut is actually a bean bag. I was like, fuck. Tuck, that's a chair. There's like a cook walking by. He's like, God damn it. Yeah, exactly. What'd you do, you goddamn morons? Those are dry. The floor's wet. They're going to become wet beans now. So most of it is like jewelry and clothing, like nice gloves, some pretty fancy boots, like a vest that won't fit any of you, a bunch of rings. It's probably… Okay, you know what? Roll a D6. Four. Four.

It's about 400 coins worth of shit. Oh, sick. So what is it again? What are the things? There's some clothes, some jewelry, some nice cups. It looks like the light guard kind of just shook down a bunch of people. Ving's like, I'm going to take one of those nice cups. Can you describe that cup to me, Sean? It is made of a beautiful silver material with an inlay of jet and ivory, black and white checkered. It kind of looks ugly. Because there's so many alternating black and white stuff.

Why does everything have to be ugly? Okay, describe a pretty cup. Oh, okay. Wow, that's how you get Jessica back on track. So excited. Okay, the cup is actually black ivory or black glass. And at first it looks boring, but when you hold it up to the light, it's constellations. Whoa. That's awesome. Yeah. That's cool. Sick. Yeah, keep that constellation cup. Universe cup. And then… And then… And then… And then… And then… And then… And then… Is Milton in the room? Yeah, he's there.

How much did you say it was worth? 400 coins. Okay, yeah. I'm like, Milton, do you want the rest of this shit? Yeah, okay. Okay, we don't want it. It's dumb. Okay, thank you. Can you put it back in a bag for me? I'll pick it up later. Fuck you. He's like picking up bowls and stuff. Dude. He's busting the tables. Bust these fucking treasures we just gave you, you loser. Bust them in a second. Where's your bunk? I'll put it in there. It's, you know, it's the one… It's the one… I know.

Wait, what? Nothing. We didn't fuck. We didn't fuck. We did not. We fucked. Oh. What does that mean? Milton's gone. I'll be back later. Billy's like, I have three dads now. Dad number three. That's what you did that night? You had sex with Milton? Yeah. He built a ship in a bottle, banged Milton. Yeah, he built a ship in the bottle, and Milton was hard as a rock as soon as the sails went up. Yeah. Oh, and I should say, throughout all of this, Perel is asleep. Oh, yeah.

Like, he is out on a beanbag. He expended himself so much. Yeah. Yeah. That was… That's the most magic that he's done since he got his body back. I put his hat, like, over his face for some darkness, and I take his, like, weird, I don't know, his silky shirt. Mm-hmm. Take his boots off. Tuck it up. Yeah. I try to take his boots off, but I'm not strong enough. I'm like, oh, well. So tight. Whatever. Just throws all the ripped canvas bags over, and then pushes the pile of beans. Yeah.

I push the beans around him to, like, kind of… It's like when you bury a drunk uncle at the beach. Like, you'll stay warm with ease. Mm. Mm-mm-mm. Yeah. So, universe cup. Cool. Because I already have an idea for what the cup could be, if it's, like, a magic item. Oh, my God. Sick. Yes. Yes. So, specifically, what do you do with the cup? I'm going to drink a glass of wine out of it. Okay. So, yes. You pour wine in it. And it just fills with wine. And you just drink the wine.

This is terrible wine. Yeah. It's like… Actually, you feel the tingle in your chest and through your extremities as you drink the wine. And you look at the bottle, and it's wine wood. Oh. You heal all your shit. Shit. Fucking sweet. How much healing did you need? Five. Five? It is… Healing potions are a… Ten points. Great. Great. So… But what you do is you drink it. You drink the wine. You finish it. You're like, okay, pretty good. And you just put it down on the table.

You walk past it later as you're hanging out. And you're like, oh, it's full again. But you take a look at it. And it is filled with a translucent syrupy liquid, silver in color. It smells like rotting lemons. Gross. I was pouring a mason jar. So, you pour it in a mason jar? Yeah. Like the whole thing? Just pour it out? Yeah. Yeah. And you put it down after you've poured it out. And you walk by later. And it's full again. But of a different liquid. What the fuck? Like…

Billy had gone to go get that cup because he was thirsty. Yeah. And Billy, you take a big sip out of it. And you get a mouthful of like this goo. And you spit it out. And it's like blue. And it smells like garlic. What the fuck? What is this? Somebody could Spout Lore. Yeah. Billy spits it out. It's blue. And he's like, oh, it's very pretty. I want to know more. So, I got eight. Eight. Okay. Something… Something… Something… Something… Interesting. But not useful. Yeah.

You realize that every time you pour out… Like, you do it a couple times. Uh-huh. Because you talk to Ving and you're like, Ving, this has got blue shit in it. Yeah. Is this what you drank before? No. Mine was… Was… Like, lemony. Mm-hmm. And through, like, trial and error, fucking around with the cup, you realize if it's placed on its base while it's empty, it fills with a totally random liquid. Oh. That's dumb. I like it. Ving puts in his… With all those other things.

With all those other stupid shit that nobody likes. Cool. This stuff could be useful. It could be awful. I think one of the times you put it down, it fills with apple juice. Yeah. Oh. Apple juice? I didn't drink it. I accidentally dumped it out. Because I was just doing that, like, dumping it. Yeah. Filling it, dumping it. There's a growing… You're like, gravy. Please, gravy. Come on, gravy. I know. It never was gravy. There's a growing puddle of random liquids beneath Billy.

It's the kind of thing where you turn away from your kid for a second and you look back and it's a disaster now. And you're like, fuck. What the fuck? What are all these liquids coming from? We need to get out of the food court before we get yelled at by the people at Manchu Walk. Exactly. So there will be mechanics involved in this if you guys ever do want to use it. It's just going to be a 2D6 kind of thing. And if you get a good roll, then it can be a substance that's useful to you.

If you get a mixed, it'll be a random. And if you get a bad, it'll be potentially harmful. Okay. So hours pass just in idle, hanging out and fucking around with this new cup that you have. Tuck starts a betting game with the cup. Where people put coins down on like what they think the color and consistency of the liquid are going to be. Yeah. And he points at a guy. He's like, what do you think the color is going to be? I think it's going to be like orange kind of sludge.

And I'm like, put some coins down. I'll put some coins down. Am I getting a spread on orange and sludge? Or does it have to be both? Put it 50-50. Orange, sludge. Orange and sludge. And I'm going to put blue liquid. Okay. Okay. Get ready. And then we put it on the base. Both of you are wrong. It comes out as like… Oh. Oh. It's like a yellow powder. Fuck. But also Billy and Ving, who have been more academic about this, are like, powder? What the fuck? I take that powder. I put it in the jar.

Ving's running out of jars, so I'm like stealing some cups and stuff from the tables and dumping all the salt. Thank you, Billy. You're welcome. So Ruby comes up to a very excited table of people sitting around a cup and throwing coins at each other. Yeah. And like, just we don't… No one knows what the fucking rules of the betting are. We're just like dumping it. And everyone's like, oh. So much. It's a mess. Yeah. And Ruby's like, what are you doing? And we all stop.

I think it's maybe time that we prepare for your voyage upon the powers of the sea. It's time to go. Let's go. All right. Aye, aye, captain. And he points a tuck. That's right, first mate. You will not be the captain. And you will not be the first mate. You are deckhands. Oh, excuse me? Deckhands. You will start upon the lowest rungs of the Crystal Bay Pirates hierarchy and work your way up as I'll have. At the edge of a blade or at the end of a sentence. Like if you do good diplomacy.

Can we just come on? All right. Let's go. Where's the small one? He's… You mean the admiral? Sorry, the medium sized one. Oh, right. Is Mears back? Mears hustles in like sweating. Like, it was bad. It was not good. It was really stressful. What happened? Oh, I already fell in the hallway as I was leaving. I scraped my butt pretty bad. We all saw that. Yeah. It hurt really, really not good. And those customs people are pissed. They're looking. They're out in the harbors right now.

They're going up and down the coast. It's going to be a pain in the ass. Can we cut to like a really quick a flashback to what Mears was dealing with? Yeah. A customs guard is running down an alley really frantically with a lantern held aloft in the dark alley and turns a corner and sees two people making out. And it's like, oh, sorry. Go about your business. Sorry for interrupting. And turns around and it's just Mears doing that behind the back trick. I imagine him being like, oh, Cam. Yeah.

Oh, Cam. And then the guy leaves and he turns around and he's like, Mears. Then the next montage is him popping out of a dumpster covered in fish heads going, Mears. And then him creeping down the hallways, sneaking along the wall really quietly in the emerald. Yeah. And then the emerald as a housekeeper just pushes past him with a cart. And he like puts his face against the wall when the housekeeper passes. And then they pass and he goes, Mears.

He keeps looking into the camera every time he says Mears. Yeah. And then he's in the hotel room and he gathers up all the shit and then cut to him at the front desk saying, we'd like to check out. And that's where we cut back to the Crystal Bay Pirate Cave and he goes, it was rough. Yeah. And Ruby goes, can we please get on the boat? All right. Yeah, let's go. All right. So Ruby leads you into the cave and shows you the ship that you're going to be sailing on.

There's some people loading some last crates. It's pretty sizable. It's more like a cutter though. So it's like, it's a big ship, but it's built for speed, but it has some very obvious cargo room. Yeah. You see the name of the ship on the side is the West Wind. And Ruby's explaining this ship will be in disguise, quote unquote, as a cargo vessel trading with the principalities in McCall.

We have hired a merchant to pretend to be the captain of this vessel during your operations over the next period of time. If anything happens while you're at sea, you are supposed to listen to the orders of the first mate who is actually in our employ. Who's the first mate? The first mate's a pirate. Okay. It's like a pretty badass looking pirate, like curved sword, earring, eye patch, the classic get up. Sick. Like seems like…

Maybe one of the Crystal Bay pirates that's actually pretty good at being a pirate. What's this guy's name? Kingsley. Kingsley. Great. Cool. I be Kingsley. Nice. The pirate, but I be your first mate. Let's get you acquainted with the captain of the vessel. He points behind you and you hear some footsteps on the deck and looking down at the dock, you hear, no fucking way. And you turn around and it's Colonel Dan Derglot. Are you… Are you fucking kidding me?

He goes, guys, it's so good to see you. Oh my God. Take me prisoner instead. And that's where we're going to end it for this week. Oh my God. This has been Spout Lore. I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara. With me as always playing Ving, the half-elf druid, Paul Oppers. Take care. Playing Fat Billy, the halfling thief, Jessica Tai. Bye everyone. Playing Tacoma Dome, the barbarian, Abdul Aziz. See ya. Thanks to Aaron Reed for our amazing intro and outro music. Thanks to Adam Coble and Sage LaTorre.

Thanks to Laura for Dungeon World. And thanks to all of you for listening. You can find us on the internet at Spout Lore most places, including Patreon and our website, spelllore.com. And also check out the Spout Lore fan club on Facebook. A lot of fun. Cool people in there. Goodbye, everybody.

And so ends the tale of Adventures Three Who tried the best they can Though dumb and scared and lost they be For time's abreast in revelry And though our journey may be like a conclusion We will not leave you without a resolution Return next week to hear some more Whilst you commute or do your chores And for you I'd gladly Spout Lore There's a story to tell

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape and wields a spear with great might Billy's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends and listen close For the tale's about to start Hi everybody and welcome to Spout Lore I'm your game creator, Game Master Sean O'Hara joining me as always playing Tacoma Dome, the Barbarian Abdulaziz.

Hello. Playing Ving, the Half-Elf Druid, Paul Oppers. And playing Fat Billy, the Halfling Thief, Jessica Tai. Hello. When last we left our heroes, you had escaped, basically. You had escaped and you had arrived at the hidden pirate headquarters of the Crystal Bay Pirates to sort of convalesce and give Ruby Tunes Day the lay of the land in terms of how much you had fucked up, which was quite a lot. Well, that's relative. Yeah. And it was kind of a talking and learning episode. New for us. Yeah.

Very new for us. We had learned a little bit about fairies, or we had learned a little bit about what the journal of the Captain of the Purifier might contain. We also completely destroyed the Purifier. Yes, that is a thing that you did. The Purifier was destroyed by Perel. The Truth Demon got it out of all of you that Perel is a wizard. Mears is middle-aged. His middle name is Bernadette. That's right. And he's just trying his best. That was so sad and nice. Yeah. Yeah.

And our own resident druid, Ving, is the Prince of the Boreal Reach. Also, Tuck saw nothing. Yeah. Until he communed with his axe, Larry, Terry, and Chad, and they were able to resonate Tuck at a frequency that he was able to see whatever was standing there. And what he saw was an old man. He said it was a slave. That was cool as hell. So cool. He saw an old man. Slaves are cool. Okay, I'll edit that out for you. He saw an old man who said his name was…

Paul, is this your 12 Years a Slave fan fiction? Where he doesn't escape? Yeah. It's called 12 More Years a Slave. There's a line in here where he says, I'm so glad I'm still here. And he's an old man. And Tuck saw an old man who said his name was Amma Mergeni, who said he was the vessel for the icon of truth. And we know that there's a Mergeni library in McCall. Yes. Then there was a huge fight. And you escaped, which is where we find you now.

At the hidden pirate headquarters of the Crystal Bay Pirates, you were told that they had acquired someone to be the captain of the vessel, a merchant, to give the ship an air of legitimacy as it crossed the sea. And that merchant was Colonel Dan Derglott. Jesus, fuck. Ugh. Hot. A Schlossmeat aficionado and multiple failed entrepreneur. This guy is like a bad penny. It's impossible to get rid of him. Maybe it takes a few months. Maybe it takes a few years. But you'll see Colonel Dan again.

He ruins industries when he gets involved. Schlossmeat used to be a very popular thing. He just gets into everything way too late. Like he's ruined. Falafels now suck. Yeah. Falafels are bad. Hats are bad. Nobody wears hats anymore. Watch as we're on the rise. And then people stopped using them. Turns out they weren't. Cool. Sleever used to be awesome. Now it sucks. Yeah. He's ruined everything. He's ruined. All the best things. And so that is where we find you now.

In the Crystal Bay Pirates hideout, Ruby has revealed the vessel to you, which is called the West Wind. And it's sort of a cargo ship that looks like it's built for speed. Do you guys want to talk to Dan or should? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So Dan is leaning over the edge of the boat like, wow. How is he dressed? He is dressed like a, you know. He looks so stupid in my head. You know. What did you imagine? No, I don't know. Yeah. Well, maybe tell me if I'm close.

You know Keira Knightley's dad from Pirates of the Caribbean? Oh, with the wig? With the huge curly wig. Yeah. And the like embroidered jacket with the ruffs and the tights and the shoes. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. He's dressed like that. That's pretty funny. Yeah. Yeah. Like a dollar store Halloween costume of a pirate. But you can tell because you remember Dan had long black hair and he has curled and oiled his own hair. Wow. So it's like huge.

He throws up his hands to wave at you and you see the ruffs of his coat waving and he's like, wow. Hi. I cannot believe it's you guys. Hey, Dan. I want to say Vern. Vern? Holy shit. Are you serious? Nice to see you. Hey, Tyler. Tyler. It's nice to see you too, man. What the fuck? Billy. Love it. What the fuck? You remembered Billy's name, but neither of us? It's easy because I had a dog named Billy. And I look like that dog.

And he comes walking down the gangplank and he is really making his entrance work for him. And he comes down to meet you guys and he throws his arms out. What about a hug? Huh? Yeah. We go in and we hug Dan. All right. Yeah. He gives you a big, nice hug. Good to see you. Oh, you too. You guys would not believe the time I've had. Yeah. How did you end up here? Oh, it is a long and storied tale. Just talk about today.

So basically, I woke up in a cave and I put on my new clothes and then I got on this boat. So before that. Yeah. You might remember Lumply and I, we had a little scheme going back in high spirit. We were going to sell Fabergé eggs. Yeah. Hats. You know, it's been so long. I've had so many schemes since then. It's pretty telling that he's calling them schemes and not business. Sorry. No, no, no. Business opportunities. Business opportunities. That's what I meant to say.

Entrepreneurial operations. But long story short, I'm not allowed back in high spirit for a while. What did you do? It turns out to sell food, you need a permit. And also, you shouldn't be selling stolen food. That's the main thing. You fucked with the food court? Yes, I did. Yeah. But it turns out they are pretty canny folks. So I thought that oatmeal would slide under their radar. But when it's their oats, no siree. No. Yeah. The brunch boys would come after you for sure.

Well, I'm going to write that down for spelt more. Yeah. The brunch bunch. And so Lumply and I, we parted ways. By which I mean he was arrested. What a slut. What a slut. What a slut. What a slut. You know what I mean? You're a shyster you are. And I left High Spear and I wandered for a bit. Ended up in the Fire Fields. Because I was hearing rumors about a lake made of wine. We exchanged glances. And it was real. It's a real. There's a whole lake. What's your scheme Dan? Okay.

So you might've seen a stall that I paid a guy to set up during the Coroneta. Basically, if you just grab a bunch of buckets. Go down to that lake and no one can stop you. So I've been trying to weasel a little bit of cash here and there. Notice that he said weasel cash instead of earn a living. Sell my more or less legitimately acquired property and make a little cash on the side. Dan, a lot of your problems are self-created. You're not wrong, Tuck. You're not wrong. Oh, it's Tuck. It's Tuck.

It just came back to my mind. It just hopped out of my mouth. It's so good to see you all again. So we're going to be going to sea together, huh? Yeah. How long are we at sea together? And he looks over at Ruby. How long does it take to get to McCall? Six months? Seven months? Six what? McCall. We're going to McCall? That's where I'm going. I got a hot hold full of watered down lake wine. Ruby? Yes? We said two weeks. What's this six months bullshit? There are ports two weeks from here.

All right. Everybody hop on board. We'll finish final preparations. And yeah, Dan takes you on to the deck of the West Wind. Shows you around. Guys, I can't remember last time I went on a boat like this in the ocean. Oh, this is a lot bigger than a lake. Yeah, but it's just like a really big lake. It's just like a river, but it's all together. Just think of all the little spots that you've ever sat beside. All the little rivers. Picture your favorite little spots sitting by the water.

And just picture all those little spots getting to hang out. That's just the ocean. Okay. And this is Dan is like walk and Dan is talking incessantly as you guys are having these conversations between yourselves. He's like, this is where you'll be sleeping. This is where everybody else will be sleeping and it's a spot like one foot away. There's a bunch of hammocks.

And as you're talking, Billy, you look around the deck and you see what is the galley and there is a big plump guy who's just like cutting up fish and there's huge baskets of potatoes and bread carrots. Hey, Dan, do we get to eat that later? No, that's the chef. And Dan laughs at that. He's like, oh, I really missed all you guys. They are much less jokey in the High Spear Regional Prison. Uh, this is the first time that we noticed that Dan has three teardrops tattooed under his eye.

Dan killed a guy. He killed three people in jail. He's a murderer now. Uh, cut back to Dan doing the tattoo himself to make himself look really badass. Tracing his actual tears with a stick of eyeliner. Yeah. Weeping into a mirror. I'm so scared. They're gonna fucking kill me. I can't make them think that I did it first. These guys are gonna fucking kill me. Wait, is this five minutes ago as he was getting dressed to meet us or is this three months ago when he was in jail?

This is three months ago and then every day after. He has to perpetuate the lie every morning. All those lies are why he was recruited to be the captain of this crew. He is way in over his head. Well, his parole officer hooked him up with this gig. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Uh, yeah, and he's like, oh, yeah, you get to. Yeah, there's meals. I don't know. Once, twice, three times a day. Oh, what? Only three times we can starve. Hey, look, boat rules. I gotta say I'm a figurehead.

I know very little about this actual voyage. We know I don't like boat rules. Don't like rules and I hate boat rules and he goes, this is where you guys will be sleeping and he points to a single hammock. But wait, all three of us. Yes, in shifts. Yeah, in shift. No, no, no, no, no. We all sleep together. Yeah, we sleep same time, nighttime. We sleep same time, nighttime, 12 time hours. You're gonna have to talk to what's that fucking scary guy's name? You saw him. You saw him, right?

The guy with the earring Kingsley. Yeah, Kingsley. Oh, yeah, he's got the curved sword earring. Yeah, this is totally like where you show up at camp, you know, where it's like your bunk master is like, hey, this is the rules and you're like, I think different rules apply to me. You go to the head of the camp and you're like, sir, I think that we could all agree that I am not the kind of person that participates in swim time and I will be having snacks in my bunk. Send someone around. Okay.

Hey, look, I thought as the quote unquote captain, I was supposed to sleep in the captain's quarters, but I'm sleeping somewhere else to where you sleep any points to the hammock right next to you gonna be hammock. All of us sleeping together next to each other sleeping near each other, not together. We walk away during this whole thing. He has his eyes closed doing a dance bump, but it's nuts in a bag shaking his butt.

So I have clocked that Billy is nervous about this and I I'm like, I don't really have much to offer him in the way of like comfort, but I take him up to the top deck. Can we see like the horizon or the sea of graves or anything from inside there like cave dock? You can see basically a sliver of sky because it's like a rock wall that comes out at an angle and then another one that comes out an angle that they have to very carefully navigate.

It hides the mouth of the cave from the from the water. Okay. Yeah. And so I talked to these guys and I'm like, did I ever tell you guys how I came here? No. No. And I was like, I came from a call and I point in the general direction of where it is and you can see a bit of horizon. He said tiny bit. Yeah. And I so I like point at the ocean and I'm like, I set sail from McCall seven years ago. I left everything I knew behind, but I found a new family when I came here.

So there's a we meet them someday. Okay. All right. I would really like to meet your family. It's you. Oh, fuck buddy. That's really sweet. So I mean, it's scary to like go to a new place and to to do something that you've never done before and to not know, you know, what's on the other side of the horizon. Of course, it's going to be scary, but there's going to be a lot of interesting food. Okay. That is and Chuck has finally honed in on the thing that is going to make Billy feel comfortable.

And he's like, Billy, there are carts that sell bags of spaghetti all over. Every street in McCall has a cart that sells bags of spaghetti. Whole bags? Whole bags. And they sell little tubs of garlic water you put on there. You can eat spaghetti all day, every day. All day? Every day? Every day. And they have gravy that's been boiling for over 17 years. How do they still have gravy left? Because they just keep adding to it. It's famous gravy. The bones of our fathers, it's called.

Never ending gravy. Never ending gravy. Never ending gravy. Okay, so maybe the new world won't be so bad. Maybe my future will be a future. Maybe I will taste my imagination. Maybe I will achieve my dreams. Yeah. What dream is Billy trying to achieve? Croissant moon. Oh, yeah. He's imagining… Bathing in gravy. And then when the gravy gets kind of cold and gets that skin on top, he just turns the faucet on and warm gravy comes in. He can scoop it into his mouth.

And then he rings a bell and some elves wheel in some more potato mash. And he can just grab fistfuls to put into the tub with him. And they float around and they soak up the gravy and he scoops them into his mouth. Repeat. Yeah, that's the dream Billy's hoping to achieve. Yeah. And then we cut back to like outside of Billy's head. Yeah. And he's like drooling so much. Oh, God. And we're like, Billy, whatever it is that is in your head right now, just imagine that's at the end of this voyage.

Okay. I can't wait. I am brave. And I'm gonna… Live the dream of my people. Me. Billy's people. I'm the people. And then as Billy like waddles away back towards where we left Dan. And then as we're standing there, we're like, he's definitely thinking about the gravy dream again. That might be a problem someday. Yeah, I know. We're never gonna be able to get that gravy thing to happen. He's a little food obsessed. Billy, don't beg, honey. He just walks up. He's a cook.

And he's like, but don't put your nose on the counter, pal. I take my hands off the counter. I'm like, okay. And then I go to the hammock. I'm like, better make this look nice. Billy's gonna decorate the hammock? Yeah. Nice. Yeah, how would Billy try and nice up a hammock? Oh, he steals the blankets from other hammocks. Okay. And he starts like padding it out for our hammock and making a nice nest on the ground for Billo. Yeah. Sorry, we also have the fanny pack.

We could set that up on the boat. Yeah. Oh, shit. We'll be like, well, we're fine. Yeah. Yeah. Actually, speaking of that, because Mears and Perel didn't come with you for this, like, section. Oh. And Milton comes down into the lower deck that you're in and goes, hey, that kid, the little kid that you hung out with. Yeah. The little nerd kid. Yeah. He asked me to give you this. And he holds up the fanny pack. Oh, sick. He left a note. He left a note?

Yeah, he left a note next to this that said give this to Tacoma Dome. Where is he? Didn't see him. He left a note. What? Where's the note? And he holds up the note. It says, hey, Milton, give this to Tacoma Dome. Signed, Mears. What the fuck? Yeah, who writes signed? Yeah. And there's a little heart. It says, love, Mears, with a little heart next to it. So Mears and Perel are not on the boat? No. Where are they? Can we go find them? Yeah, we go find them.

I bet if you guys think about this for, like, a couple seconds, you'll figure it out. They're in the fanny pack. Okay. No, we are like, stop the preparations. Wait, our friends are on shore. Big and Duck are, like, halfway. Yeah, you just hear us. We're like, Mears! Mears! I won't forget about you! Billy's in the middle of, like, fluffing a bunch of throw pillows into, like, a nice, like, pile for us. I'm like, oh, guys? Actually, actually, so do you run?

Do you run to the tunnels and start checking for Mears? Oh, yeah, because we're too stupid to realize that they're in the fanny pack. So actually, Billy's the only one that, I guess. Oh, yeah, because you guys left the fanny pack just on the floor, and I go, like, grab it, and I'm like, this is kind of heavier than usual. Billy's shaking it around. What the fuck is happening with the Melton, you asshole? And I feel Perel in there. Like, I feel I'm like, oh. No, like, sorry, that sounds gross.

I feel like the magic. Ball fondling motion. Who has balls this big? Anyway, I feel like Perel's magic coming through. Totally, yeah. Yeah, so I'm like, guys, I have something to tell you. We're gone. Okay. Yeah. Well, I sit there, I'm like, look, look, come back. So, Tuck and Ving, you two fucking idiots, are running through the tunnels yelling for Mears, and Tuck, you're running, going through the tunnels, going like, do you see Mears? Do you see Mears? Like, grabbing people.

Grabbing random pirates. Yeah. Did you see some sort of musketeer-looking ball old man? Yeah. I'm like, do you see, like, a weird nerdy kid with a metal hand who's, like, arms are too large for his torso, and his ears are weirdly big for his head? He's getting scared. He's getting scared. And you are running through the tunnels, and you get to a tunnel that's kind of closer to the entrance, and, uh, something seems off. I stop.

You see a shape, like, near the entrance, kind of, kind of, uh, like, hunched against the wall. I discern realities. Okay, 2d6 plus wisdom. Eleven. Oh my god, so you get three questions. Twelve, actually. Yeah, so you get three questions. What here's not what it appears to be?

You wait, and it's just your night vision is, uh, adjusting, because you come from the surprisingly well-lit caves to this really dim entrance, and you notice that it is, uh, Crystal Bay Pirate is unconscious against the wall. Who's unconscious? Knocked out. Seeming asleep or unconscious or something. Who's really in control here? I would say still technically the Crystal Bay Pirates. Because this is their headquarters. Technically.

So anything that's about to happen, they'll probably have the advantage. Something's popping off. What's about to happen? And as you're like, is that a person? That's, somebody got knocked out. The, uh, the light at the entrance of the tunnel is obscured by a huge, hulking shape. And you just hear, I found you, you chunky little monkey. Oh, fuck. It's Fatim. And a few like, light guard warriors step in from behind him.

So I wanna take the axe and like, scrape it all across the inside of the cave and cause like a massive cave-in. Uh, so I'm gonna say, if I danger strength. So 2d6 plus strength. 8, 9, 10. I mean, yeah, you do it, right? Yeah. Like, nothing bad happens. This is your, this is your purview. So describe how this works. So I like, I clocked that it's Fatim and I don't even say anything to him. I yell back into the cave. The light guard is here. Yeah. I'm just like, run! Light guard!

And I like, scrape the axe all along the inside of the cave a couple of times, causing as much of a cave-in as I can. Uh, and then I start running back to the dock. And everyone that I pass, I'm like, get out! Light guard is coming. Yeah, and people start scrambling. They're grabbing supplies, they're grabbing weapons. Like ants, they start heading inward. Like, they go into the side of this cliff and you don't know where they're going. Where's Ruby?

Uh, Ruby runs up and is like, what's happening? And I grab her and I'm like, listen, we have to ignore the sexual tension between us and everything that happened. This isn't about that. The light guard are here. And she just opens her eyes and she throws your, she goes, get to the ship. And she runs past you. She runs towards Fatim? She goes, launch as quickly as possible. And I'm like, are you going to fight Fatim? Don't do that. I'm going to protect my people. Do you need help?

I can come help. I've fought him before. I lost, for sure. But I, I have, I fought him. Uh, I've lost every fight I've ever fought this guy. Okay. This is what this organization is designed to do. We can protect ourselves. You can go just leave. Okay. And then I grab her hand and I'm like, I won't forget you rubsy. My head. It's like run away because I just was so flustered. I said a weird name.

You know, the thing where you're like talking, you try and do a cool goodbye and you're like, fuck as I'm running away. I'm like, did you call her rubsy? I think I called her rubsy. As you're running away, Ruby goes. Coma. I stopped. I look back and she looks at you and says, we did have sex. And then she, uh, she says you were fine and she gives you a two finger salute and she cuts a rope next to her and that section of the cave caves in. What? I turned to being like, that's my girlfriend.

I'm like, stop. Awesome. Tacoma. High five. Punching the air and running. I've forgotten how terrified I was. And we cut back to Billy. What's Billy doing? Billy is like laying on his tummy, kicking his feet and he's zipped open the pouch. And he's like having a quiet chat like that's this is really nice. Yeah. Okay. So you can just hear Mears and Perel are like, so did they figure it out? No, but I think they're going to come back. Is it comfy? And you hear, uh, is that you, Francis?

I just try to stick my head in the bag. I can't see you. Yeah. Yeah. Billy Francis is in here. Do you have enough food to eat? Yeah, there's like I grab I grab some stuff. What stuff from the pirates? What? What stuff? It's mostly like dried meat and like some bread stuff that tastes really bad. You want me to shove in some other food when you have the chance? Yeah. Okay. Okay. Breakfast, lunch and dinner. I'll do it.

And while Billy's having this conversation, a crew member walks by and stops near you, Billy, and looks down and goes, what are you doing? What? I just take like I I. Pull my face out of the bag. Don't put bags over your head. You're going to hurt yourself. I'm fine. My friends live in the bag and I'm just talking to them. So you don't have to worry about me. You don't have to worry about my friends in here. His face is like frozen while you're saying this.

And then he says, I can't believe we're bringing a fucking kid to see if you have friends. They could probably fit in the bag, too. And he walks away. Okay, no problem. It's like this kid's going to get us fucking killed. Put my face back in the bag. Yes. And then at this point you hear bang, bang, bang. People yelling, like shouting, screaming. You hear the like there's like drums like throughout the whole cave. Yeah. And you hear shove off, shove off. Oh, guys, I gotta go. What's going on?

I don't know. There's so much drums and tucking being you make it back to the and Dan's at the deck and he's like, what's going on? We're getting the fuck out of here. That's what's going on. Okay. All aboard to to Kingsley as Dan's going to to Kingsley literally pushes him to the ground and starts barking orders like stow the lines bat in the hatches, pull up the gang plank.

It's like he starts giving orders and the people he's giving orders to start giving orders and tuck doesn't really know much about boats, but he knows a lot about Fatim and he knows that fucking rock slide is not going to slow him down. He's seen Fatim do some fucked up stuff like when they were kids. Fatim fought a horse to death. Oh my God that Fatim is fucked up seriously. And that was like a mean horse the horse started it.

That was the meanest horse in McCall to Fatim's great the meanest horse in McCall and we all know horses are always big bullies. Yeah. Yeah. So you guys are trying to like shove off as quickly as possible. Yeah, it's happened. Lines are being thrown. So yeah, tuck knows that nothing is stopping Fatim as he's running down the dock. He's smashing you know how like lines are tied to like the posts.

The post he's smashing each post he runs past instead of cutting the lines because he also doesn't really know anything about boats. Yeah or caves. Yeah. So he like smashes every single post and then runs up onto the gang the poster made of wood. You'd have to roll for it. Yeah, 2d6 plus strength. Well, fuck my ass. Okay. Yeah. So Kingsley is yelling at people to like throw the lines and there's a guy who's trying to untie this huge line pull the loop up and you just run by and shatter it.

Time we gotta go. Yeah, and that's that like everybody sees what you're doing and they all get up on deck and so a bunch of people run below deck Billy. You see a bunch of people run to decks down. Yeah, they start putting these huge poles out the side of the boat to like pull the ship out of the cave because they can't sail because there's no wind in here. But it's pretty slow going. Should we maybe get water's help? Oh, yeah, that's a better idea.

I was thinking wind, but yeah, water is probably less uncontrolled opportunity for what's the name of the move elementary my dear elements 2d6 plus was dead 12. Okay. So on a on a 10 plus what happens with elemental mastery on a 10 plus choose to the effect you desire comes to pass you avoid paying nature's price and you retain control. So let's the effect we desire comes to pass and I would like to retain control.

Oh smart move would this be a good opportunity to perhaps have a little spirit conversation with the spirits being considers himself to have enslaved during his shape-shifting. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Yeah right now because I mean you changed into a bat and you changed into a whale. So maybe while you're calling up like the spirit of water your perception shifts for the first time in a really long time to your perception of the spirit world.

You feel your gills fill with the spiritual energy that they usually do that allows you pass between realms. Everything slows down like underwater. Cool. Is that what happens when you shape-shift or call elementary and elementary master? See see! Who made this game? Yeah.

So it's that kind of thing where it looks like everybody is frozen in place but also as if they're deep underwater their clothes are moving their hair is moving and you're just standing still in the middle of the deck and the spirit of the whale the killer whale is swimming around you. Yes. Hello. No one's seen you in a long time. What are they saying? They're saying that you abandoned us. That the bridge between worlds was severed. But I thought I thought it was letting you live your life.

We live our lives. I'm… He's very apologetic. He's like, please forgive me. I didn't… I wasn't thinking. I just… You came to my mind and I just… I'm sorry for… I'm sorry for doing that to you. Forgiveness is not necessary. Any spirit that has answered your call has done so willingly. Except that fucking eagle. Your presence in the spirit world, the presence of your physical form was an anomaly. An event that we do not understand.

But every spirit that has served you has served with you, not for you. So that means… That you're okay with it? It is an honor. It is an honor. It is an honor. It is an honor. It is an honor. It is an honor. It is an honor. And the… You see the shadow of the Thunderbird pass above you. It darkens Killer Whale. It darkens the deck of the ship. And you see… You look up and you see the Thunderbird flying above you as if it's flying above the surface of the water.

And the Killer Whale looks up and says, To have forged a bond with a spirit that powerful means that you are worthy of the gift the spirits choose to imbue you with. I am the Spirit Walker. You are the Spirit Walker. You now feel your connection to the spirit world like strengthening. And you feel a little bit tethered to Killer Whale. And you feel this predatory kind of hunger sitting in you. Like this hunting instinct. Like you feel the spirit of Killer Whale is still lingering in you. Cool.

Does it fade over time? It probably will. But I think… If before it does, it's going to get you in trouble. All right. Yeah. I'll take that. Yeah. Yeah. So that's the price. Is that Killer Whale is like, Oh no. There's nothing wrong with this. This is how you're supposed to be. Oh yeah. And that makes sense that he'd be the one to like really beef him up. Yeah. So you got this. And then your perception shifts back to the material world. And the water swells up around the boat.

And you feel yourself in perfect control of the spirit of water. Yes. As you carry the boat out of the cave. You thread it through the walls of stone that hide the cave from view. The water looks like there's like a water hand on one side and then a water crystal hand on the other. Yeah. It's perfectly mirroring the position of Ving's hands as you cradle this ship in the arms of the ocean. Billy and I like slowly creep up behind him and very softly go, Pah!

Pum, pum, pa-da-dum, pum, pa-da-bum, pum, pa-da-bum, pum, pa-da-bum, pum, pa-da-bum, and then kingsley's like that's offensive stop it that's our song and uh so as you're cradling the boat and passing the ship through these walls of stone you hear boom boom boom and shards of stone like pour into the cave from the tunnel entrance that ruby collapsed and fathom is standing there with a bunch of light guard warriors and you can see from here his veins he's he's flexing so hard he's furious he's drank so much creatine this morning he's like he's bellowing after you and you can hear him saying I'm gonna get you to coma dome yeah thing just turns around and does two fingers up in the giant fingers middle fingers of water come up out of the bay suck it bit and the water just pours into the cave and fathom and the light guard warriors are washed back down the tunnel and but you're out in the open ocean and kingsley's like drop the sails and these huge sails just come unrolling billowing flapping in the wind uh and the the spirit of water has dissipated and now you're just like sailing on momentum and they're looking to catch the wind yeah yeah I mean what now yeah I guess we kind of look around the harbor like take stock of where we're at right now okay yeah I mean we could get into certain realities oh yeah great plus wisdom yeah eight eight okay great so you get one question from the list uh what's about to happen so they're trying to be as stealthy as possible in their ship as they escape but everyone is trying to get to the is on pretty high alert.

So stealthy that double middle finger giant water hand. Fat him, whatever. Fuck fat him. Yeah, no. That was in the cave. What happens in the cave stays in the cave. Yeah. That's what Ruby told me before we had sex. Now I'm remembering. And she was pointing at her vagina. Wow. I'm not leaving that in. No, you're not. Okay, so what's about to happen? You hear someone from the crow's nest go, ships, ships! Turns to Billy and Vig. He's like, did he say shits? Shits.

And you pass the point of rock that is this turn in the cliff where they were hiding their ship. And you see vessels that look like they're part of the Crystal Bay militia, basically, like the Customs Navy are outfitted under full sail. You see the purifier has astoundingly not sunk. Whoa. It's missing a huge chunk of it, but it hasn't sunk yet. Somehow. It's not functional though, right? It's actually moving a little bit. Are you kidding me?

Its sails are not working, obviously because you cut them all down. Uh-huh. But you can see the water behind it is bubbling and steaming. Oh, fuck. Oh, he said ships. Shit. Yeah, so now it's like they're trying to figure out how to get out of here. But they are still trying to get a good, wind. Can you lay it out for us? So the point of rock that the cave entrance is in is just north of Crystal Bay, and that's where your ship is coming around.

As you come around that point, you see a little bit further down the coast where Crystal Bay actually is, all the Customs ships that are under sail and looking for you. And to the west, about a kilometer off the shore, is the line of graves with the storm wall that marks the graves of the Sea of Graves. And the purifier in its absolutely fucked up but somehow still running shape is also in the bay with the Customs ships. And how many ships are there? Three, and the purifier, yeah.

So there's three Customs ships and the purifier. And they're all to the south of us? Yes. And Kingsley is ordering everybody around. Everyone's trying to get the sails aligned and is yelling basically like, we're gonna run for it. And he's starting to turn the wheel to the north. Alright, let's see what this baby can do. Hold on to your butts. I hold on my butt. Is this how you ride the boat? This is the way of the sea. Oh, man. Okay. Okay.

And Ving, it's at this point that you realize you're definitely used to ice racing boats. Sorry, that's ice racing. You hold your butts. Out here, I don't know what the fuck. And this boat is taking a while to get going. You see the Customs ships are basically under full sail and they're catching up on you fast. Shit. Yeah. Oh, I take the fanny pack from my waist and I open it up and I'm like, hey, you guys, do you know how to make a boat go really fast? Oh, they're in the fanny pack. Yeah.

Oh, that makes so much sense. I have to feed them breakfast, lunch and dinner, though. Oh, yeah. Now we have food in here. We said that. No, it's not very good, though. And you hear pro say, wait, did you say make a boat go really fast? Why? What's happening? Well, we're sailing out of the cave and we have to run from the other ships and they're really fast and we are not fast. Run from the other ships. Which other ships? I think it's the Coast Guard. It's called the Light Guard, Billy. Sorry.

The Light Guard. So Perel is saying there's nothing that I can do from in here. Could you could you run below deck real quick? Sure thing. Come on, guys. Yeah, I guess we all run. And you run below deck and flip the and I had already run into like a private more private zone and I'm like dumping Perel. Oh, the bag. Okay. Is this helping? He does tumble out onto the ground and he hops up and he dusts himself off and he's he's wearing the remains of his musketeer outfit. Where did your clothes go?

He's taken the shirt off. He's just wearing the vest. He doesn't have the hat. So he's bald. He still has the mustache. He's cut off the leather pants. You cut them? How short? Like just below the knee. So they're like jorts. Like frees. I think you will find that these are typical amongst sailors. Now, what seems to be the problem? Your outfit. Well, we have to we have to get the boat going a lot quicker to get away from the Light Guard. Hmm. I don't know how. All right.

Let me take a look at it. So he walks up on deck and he goes, can you can you distract everybody? Oh, sure thing. I'm going to do some magic stuff. I go up to the chef. Okay. So what you cooking here? Oh, it's just a stew. Yeah. Cool. Tell me about it. Okay. It's carrots and potatoes. I'm going to finish. It after we escape. Probably we got time. You know, I I'm really keen to know about what's going on in the stew. Okay. It's I got a carrot. Well, what are those? It's like, okay.

Do you want to roll to distract this one guy? Okay. So 2d6 plus charisma seven. Okay. Thank goodness. So yeah, he starts explaining carrots to you and then he explains potatoes to you and a fish and the food. Yeah. And since Billy is a tuber. Yeah, exactly. I pull another a couple sailors like, hey guys, come here. Yeah. Some of them are like, no, but they're all because they're like focused on trying to escape. Yeah. But you have successfully distracted people below deck.

What are being in tuck doing tuck runs up on deck and he are there like cannons on the ship? Yes, there are a few on the top deck. So he runs up top deck and he like finds a cannon and he finds the pirate that's closest to it. And I'm like, are you using this right now?

I know we're trying to get away and I'm like, all right, I'm going to borrow it for a second and I slice through the lines that are holding it in place and I wheel it to the back of the ship and point it towards like the all the ships that are chasing. Okay. 2d6 plus strength to move a cannon on your own. This is simultaneously a distraction and an attack. Yeah, totally nine. Oh, I'll do you want to eat? Yeah, that might so 2d6 plus bond. So seven eight. Okay, great.

So push with me and you haul this cannon to the back deck and Kingsley's like, what are you doing plan? I just say the word plan. I like plan training so much. Okay. So yeah, what's your plan here? I'm just going to like start firing cannon balls backwards at the purifier and it's I like I'm just I'm trying to distract everyone on the ship. So they're looking at me, which is the most obvious thing that's happening. Yeah. And then also I'm trying to sink some of the ships. Yeah. Okay.

I guess this would be a volley. So 2d6 plus dexterity and I do tie. I tie. It to the yeah rails before I fire six shit. Yeah, I mean I could saving throw or whatever. Yeah, I guess we could aid probably. Yeah. Yeah. You're tying it to the back of the thing. How am I going to aid? I don't know, you know, not yeah, I guess I know not like you grab it from him and you're like no, this is how you do it. Yeah, it's not a shoelace. We have to we have to anchor this fucking here. Let me do it.

Holy shit monster roll there. Wow 13 7 so that makes it a 7 to 9 on volley. So on a 7 to 9 on volley. What do you get 7 to 9 choose one. You have to move to get the shot placing you in danger of the GM's choice. You have to take what you can get minus 1d6 damage. You have to take several shots reducing your ammo by one. I'm going to choose you have to move. To get the shot placing you in danger of the GM's choice. Maybe it means you have to like get on top of the cannon.

I think it's I think it's a broader danger. He pretends it's his dick. Yeah, it gets hot and it burns. That's what I'm doing to try and distract everyone and I am like, hey guys look and then I push my crotch up against it. I'm like, it's like my dick just amazing and I'm like, has anyone ever done this gig and then you Ving puts the torch thing to the thing and it fires and you feel the cannon totally just buck between your legs but roll your damage roll a d10 puke on five five.

Okay, so the cannonball arcs through the air slamming into the like front nose of one of the custom ships punching a pretty sizable hole in its all and what a load bro and impressive but the actual danger that it places you in is you see the purifier has come around and it's pointing towards your fleeing ship now and is hauling ass shit like the you can see like a plume of steam coming up from behind the ship and it is moving it's starting to pass other custom ships from a dead stop you turn around Ving you see Perel near the mast and he's got it gripped in both hands like he's got a hand on either side of the mast and you see the sails a little bit higher up the poles that they're attached to start to lengthen they're lengthening but they're thinning and the sails are getting wider whoa and the wind is starting to pick up as it fills in the sails and the ship lurches forward a little bit as it increases in speed cool and billy you feel the ship lurch underneath your feet what you got he's got a mouthful of stew what's the cook saying now so this is a onion it's like a root vegetable a flower comes out of it the flowers are pretty what do you think this is really good does the boat do this often no that's that's a lot faster than I expected it to be going shouldn't lurch like that I'm gonna go down the boat stairs you tell the rest of the guys the rest of the stew recipe and perel runs back downstairs like perel comes up and he goes billy billy what I did it that's great what happened to you uh I I didn't know a boat boat moved so much oh that was that was me oh dang do you want are you are you gonna be okay do you want to come back up do you need some air oh okay he's just like yeah whatever yeah do whatever you want to do great yeah so the ship has been fired on and it's moving now but the purifier is starting to catch up and it's at this point you see the hole in the side of it is substantial and perel is talking to you ving he's like was that the purifier up there uh yeah that thing should have come down should have but it's not and it's gaining on us what are we gonna do I don't know you're the wizard I already did my thing did you see what I did pretty slick why you look ridiculous oh no I thought I looked like a sick and he looks around at all the other sailors and he's like and they're all like they're just wearing they're just wearing pants and shirts like regular clothes yeah he's like this is how sailors dressed when I was oh it was a hundred years ago wasn't it yes it was that was a hundred years ago you look like a sailor's babysitter oh man I gotta fix this the sandals those too much yeah they're too much give me the sandals okay throws them overboard no uh and tuck what is tuck doing tuck is on the ground next to the cannon cradling his testicles he really hurt himself okay great yeah I mean the last thing that you gotta that you the thing that you have to worry about right now is that the purifier is going to catch up to you very soon unless you do something drastic and they're probably going to try and board you I mean yeah we're just not going to do wind right wind left he's not coming around anymore well even just in the terms of elemental mastery think of all the other elements that vin can summon like it's not just like rocks from yeah bring it or from the cliff side oh yeah or the or wind like the storm like you could try to pull like some of the storm from the sea of graves yes that's that's the that's good oh yeah tuck has heard that like this the storm in the sea of graves is malicious like it hunts shit ships kind of general spell or yeah totally okay cool plus intelligence five so is I've never succeeded a spell or it's so funny because it uses your intelligence you idiot what if what if you tell us the opposite of that yeah I actually heard the storms in the sea graves are pretty nice guys and I'm so disoriented from that fucking knock to the nards so I am like I'm not going to do that I'm not going to do that I'm not going to do that I'm not going to do that I'm not going to do that I'm not going to do that I'm not going to do that and I'm like vank do it do the storm thing it's supposed to help travelers or pirates or something or not I don't remember yeah things just do it because I don't want to be going as fast anymore we're both pretty at a convention yeah so that was a that was a failure failure yeah which is I get to make a hard move yes as hard as I want roll a d10 d10 boom boom two two Okay, then that's not too bad.

You are standing there, like, cradling your nuts, talking to Ving and all your friends about what you should do, and you hear Kingsley just bellow in terror, Hit the deck! And a sheet of fire rolls over the deck of the ship. Oh, my God. Fuck! When Kingsley yells that, you notice all the Crystal Bay pirates hit the deck instantly. Like, he yells, hit, and they all drop. But Tuck tries to drop, but he's the biggest here. And he's not very agile right now. Because he just got wailed in the balls.

And you take a little bit of the brunt of the fire. Singes his butt hairs. Exactly. And you look back, and you see the Purifier just picking up steam. And on the front of the deck, standing against the wind, his robes flapping, billowing. His robes billowing against his taut old man muscles is the Torch of McCall. Wow, look at those flaps. Pretty decent. I set up for that. And it's at this point you're like, oh, yeah, there weren't any cannons on the Purifier. And you realize he's the cannon.

Shit. Bing looks back at the fire and sees all the flaps billowing and then looks at his friend and Tuck's a little singed and then looks off in the distance to see graves and there's big lightning flashing, thunder rolling. Oh, yeah. You can see this infinite plane of pillars. You can barely see inside of it because of the storm wall. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. You can see in the foreground and background randomly.

You see crazy lightning strike. Like that place Exegol from the last Star Wars movie where it's just like storms everywhere. Totally. Yeah. So scary. Lightning's coming in and hitting the tops of the pillars. It's only striking on their rods. At the tops? At the tops of them and then jumping to other ones. Whoa. Make a circle. Yeah. Give me a 2D6 plus wisdom. This is dangerous. This is very dangerous. I know. This is very… Ving's asking for help from the Thunderbird. Holy shit. Nice, 11.

I'm not going to retain control. Oh. Because it's a storm. So that makes sense. Right? It'd be really hard to control it. Yeah. Especially an angry one like that. Yes. Yeah. Mythical. So Ving looks back and sees Billy's sick and scared and there's fire and things are singed and people are freaking out. And he's like, I don't want to… Guys, I got an idea. I got to go. I'll be right back. Just trust me. What? Just trust me. Okay.

And he's running to the front of the deck and he jumps off the front of the deck. Whoa. You just see him jump off like swan dive, like he's jumping into the water and goes out of sight off the front of the boat and then pops up on the Thunderbird. So sick. Yeah. Yeah. Does a loop. A loop around goes around and gets a good view of the purifier as he's curling up. So if there's anything useful you'd like to tell me about seeing that.

Well, you could roll me a certain realities on the purifier to this. Nine. Okay. So you get one question. What here is useful for me? As you're whipping past, you get a good close look and you notice that the side that Perel was able to turn to mud is the side that you and Billy initially… Oh, yeah. …climbed up on destroying some of the ruins on the side of the ship. And the other side has totally intact ruins. Cool. Okay. Well, we should fuck up more of those ruins sometime.

And the captain's still there. The one with the braids in his beard. The runes are like protective then to the ship. That's what Ving notices. Yeah. Ving notices that the captain smiles when he sees the Thunderbird. Weirdly. Yeah. Big fan. And then Ving swoops up and goes up into the sky and heads towards the sea. Towards the storm. Like everybody just sees Ving go into this black cloud.

So Ving flies away from the purifier, goes into the eye of the storm where all the lightning's happening and heads up high into the sky and holds his crystal hand as high as he can above the head of the Thunderbird, standing on the back of the Thunderbird. And the lightning is coming in from all different places. Multiple bolts of lightning hitting his fingers. And then they start flying back towards the ships. And the lightning is coming with him. He's pulling it.

And the storm is following too. And the storm is following in behind. Yeah. The rolling clouds are pouring out over the water through the barrier of the Sea of Graves. And Billy sees the waves pick up. And they're like foaming and they're dark and steel gray. Mm-hmm. Cool. The ship starts pitching like crazy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They can just see this. Big black bank. And it's being lit up. And there's like a growing light in this black rolling bank of clouds.

And as it's getting brighter and brighter and brighter and it's coming more and more to the front of that storm. And then it parts, breaks open. And there's Ving on the front of the Thunderbird pulling the lightning by the reins. That's so cool. So the storm comes with you. Ving is like this rider at the front of this huge… Huge storm. And all of the people on all of the ships look to the west and see this powerful, magnificent figure on the back of an enormous bird with… Reins of lightning.

Yeah. In his hand. Holding on to the tuft on the back of the Thunderbird and raining in the storm. So cool. Cool. So sick. And as he gets close to the ships pursuing you, he takes the lightning in his hand and he almost throws the storm ahead of him. And it roils out. In this great massive wall of dark gray clouds. That engulfs the ships pursuing you. You hear splintering explosions, screams on the wind, and like huge splinters of wood fly out of the bank of clouds.

And you think, that's got to be it. And then passing through the storm just behind you, the prow of purifier, the torch of McCall standing strong at its front, comes out of the bank of clouds. And on the wind, you hear chimes. And then the storm engulfs the west wind as well. And your vision goes dark. So… So… So… So… So… So… So… So… So… So… So… So… So… So… So… So… So… So… So… There is a woman scorned.

Rests and stone engraved, secrets whispered neath the waves. A language written but not read, adorns the maiden's salty bed. A door beneath the ocean floor, she needs a lock and nothing more. For in the bed of women scorned, there is a nation no one mourns. The moon has lost her favorite son. Now all are gone, save for one. Humans, halflings, elves, and sprites, no one sails on stormy nights. Tell the children and the grown, no one sails between the stones. The moon has lost her favorite son.

The moon has lost her favorite son.