Season Four: Into The Woods

Hey and welcome to Spout Lore coming to you live from beautiful Nanaimo, British Columbia. N-A-N-A-I-M-O. That is how you spell Nanaimo. That's the Nanaimo official anthem. Two people out of five are sick. So I'm one and Jessica's the other. See if you can tell what parts were cutting out because we were coughing too much. An Easter egg for fans is go back and re-listen to the episodes and whenever you hear some of us coughing, that is an episode that was recorded in the winter. Yeah.

And for you Patreon supporters, try to find the fake words that we throw in every episode and check out the bonus episodes of just the coughing. Coughcast 2019. Coughcast. Patreon supporters donating $25. $25 or more a month. Oh. We'll get just the lip smacks. And if you go $30 a month. It's all beard rubbings. For $30 a month, I will come to your home and cough in your face. If you live on Vancouver Island. For $50 a month, I'll come over and cough in your face. Whoa. Oh.

Search Jessica Fee on… She's so… Speller Jessica Fee. On Google. Cut that. Oh. Yeah. Stop that, Abdul. It's… I'm not the first person to ever say this. Yeah. I just want this to happen. You're a dirty pervert. No, I need this to happen. Whoever was searching Spell Lord Jessica enough for it to be the third most recommended search on Google. Oh, it's the second most recommended. Is it the second now? It's above Spell Lord Podcast. Oh, man. That's our ticket to fame. I'm happy about that.

I'm fine with that. There's a ton of work to be done. Heroes noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old. You know them by name you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring. So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing. Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight. Fingers half healthy, shifts his shape and wields a spear with great might. Billy's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart.

Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts. So gather round friends and listen close for the tale's about to start. Hi everybody, welcome back to Spout Lore. I'm your game master Sean O'Hara and with me today players Abdulaziz. Hi, I play Tacoma Dome. He loves ribs. Oh man, you took mine. I couldn't find anything on my sheet that was worth saying. Worth saying? I think that's perfect. Ribs it is. Yes. Jessica Tai. Hi everyone.

I have bronchitis and Billy doesn't. That's what you're choosing? Yes. Billy, okay, Billy doesn't have bronchitis. This is notable feature. Okay, high five. Great. And Paul Oppers. I'm playing Ving, formerly known as Ving Vang Zumba. He has come out of the spirit world with just his first name. What? You lost your last name? On purpose. No. You left your name? Ving's gone sting. Cool. Cool. Is this canon? Yeah, no. Hoof. Ribs are canon. Oh, fuck. Bronchitis is canon.

Paul talked to me about this before we came down. He was saying that Ving is like entering his Gandalf the White phase. What? I am shook. So, when we last left our heroes, they had returned finally from the spirit world and had returned to the High Spear Mall. Oh, God. Leaving behind What's his face? Ally, friend, some would say, Shathane Wick in the spirit realm to complete his own quest to find his family. Find out what happened to his wife and child.

Shathane took the place of Ving so he could return to a physical body. Ving briefly looked like Shathane before taking on his natural form and Shathane briefly looked like Ving in the spirit realm before taking on his natural form.

And now the three of you came to sitting around the table with none of your equipment or weapons on you tied up with a hooded figure in Cartwin's secret room who, after some posturing and attempts at badassery, revealed himself to be 14-year-old teenager Mears Falsmith whom you met in Mudlark all those many months ago? Yeah, I think it's only been like a month. As far as you know, yeah. A month, yeah. Is what Ving says because he feels like he's been in there forever. Yeah.

Well, I think so because you were in Mudlark for a couple days. It took seven days to get to Bullrush Village. And yeah, so Mears had a bit of changes. He looked a little bit rougher. He's also missing his right hand and it has been replaced by sort of a pinching hook apparatus. He's got a sword. He has a cloak on. And he revealed himself to you under his hooded cloak and said it was nice to see you again trying to be gravelly and cool. And that is where we are now. What do you do?

Mears has revealed himself to you. Mears, what the fuck happened to your hand? Oh, this? It's pretty cool, huh? Yeah. Yeah, a frog ate it. What? Is that when we left you behind? Yeah. I'm gonna right out of the gate say we looked for you for a solid five minutes. Oh, I want to believe you. I really do. No, I did. Honestly, go back and listen to the episodes. I was screaming your name for a while. Yeah, well, Mudlark was under attack. So it was kind of hard to believe.

It was kind of hard to hear. And I assume that you really just cast your eyes about within the 30, 40 feet around you. But you know what? It's all good. I got a whole new lease on life. I'm any points at the copper needle poked through the side of his cloak. It says I'm a mender now. Oh, sick. We have one of those. And then I'm just gonna rip through the ropes. The ropes. You're gonna give me a role for that. Yeah, just to take out the mender's needle. What is the role? Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Oh, my God. 12. Yeah. That's a lot. What ropes. Yeah. So I just like, I stand up and I just snap through all the ropes that were tied up. And Mears just watches you for a second. And I pulled the needle out. I'm like, look. Wait. You're reaching as if you're reaching into a pocket, but you're shirtless. Is it stabbed through your flesh? Just sitting under your nipple. No. I think it's in Billy's hair.

I just reached and pull it out.

Mears is watching you for a second as you break through those ropes just casually and then he realizes what you just did and he starts fumbling with his sword I just like move in and I show him the needle I put my crystal hand on his you're tied up did you break oh yeah I want to also break the ropes with my crystal hands and grab his all right give me one of those 2d6 oh man I missed playing with you guys seven plus my strength nine okay yeah and you reach forward you break your ropes to it like they snag on the crystal shards and just like shred and he is so freaked out that he just grabs the hilt of a sword and starts pulling it out yeah and he bashes you right in the face in my in my face in your face roll what's his damage guy it's probably not high is there a d2 no no come on we'll give him some credit flat one over there we'll give me or some credit no no no it's a six four it's one damage I've got one armor you certainly do I sneeze yeah so you break your ropes and and mirrors and I want to grab his grab his claw hand his hook I wanted to like identify with him that things aren't what they used to be and we all are a little changed now and but we're still the good people that we are and we're still the good people that we are used to be I want to assure him and show him that I too have suffered a loss and I'm struggling with my new found appendage well he and what's Billy doing during all this I don't know he's just watching this all happen just placidly like he too is wondering about the hook well he just explained well I mean he said that yeah but what happened to your hand now Billy's just imagining Billy's just sitting there imagining a frog eating his hand over and over again like was it a bunch of little frogs yeah was it one small frog that took a long time was it the big frog I thought we took that one out was it the smaller big frogs and Billy's like yeah how how big so yeah he bashes you in the face and you kind of grab his hand and hey you don't have to draw your sword and he and he he sheathes it again so he kind of clacks it back in and what you're just saying like it's you were just showing him your hands yeah just just yeah calm down I guess he's getting riled up about us breaking our bonds well yeah totally because he was like guarding you and now everything that they've done to restrain you has been for not he uh he goes okay okay okay okay all right chill yeah no okay I will I will chill uh but just a sec and he like clacks his sword back in and he goes over to the secret door that Cartwin led you in through and he kind of pops it open when he leans his head out and he says hey uh they're awake they're awake now and you hear you hear somebody say something from the other side and he goes okay all right and he turns back to you and says uh I guess you're already free except for except for you Billy so um yeah do you want to cut me loose or no I'm gonna try to get out of these myself I may as well how's Billy doing it trying to break is he trying to break the bonds or is he trying to slip out yeah he's doing whatever no but like what is he doing wait what did you roll but it depends on what stat you're using okay what's oh come on no you have to decide and then roll you said strength you said he's just trying to break the yeah he's just trying to break so you rolled a five yeah I did oh wait what am I using it doesn't matter it's five uh so so how does Billy Billy just what flexes tries to break out um yeah but he um uh he flexes one side but forgets to flex the other so he just falls over uh he can somebody uh can one of you grab him oh yeah I pick up Billy and I just like rip him out oh thank you like a rapper like like a thing oh his wrist careful careful yeah you see you see mirrors kind of sigh as you just effortlessly snap these ropes because it's a lot easier to break ropes for tuck like when you're not also these were very poorly tied I I tried okay whatever this one and I point to what before I rip Billy out of it I point to one of the knots on it I'm like this is just the shoelace knot like look and then I pull one end of it and then it all falls apart okay maybe I don't know that many knots well I'm I it's been a learning experience these last these last couple months have been a lot of learning for me about everything but not and um he walks into Cartwin's like apartment and sitting on one of the couches that Cartwin has in her room you see Cartwin she's sitting in a chair to the side and in her lap is wicker and she's sort of idly scratching wicker and she looks at you and she's very stern next to her is sweet Caroline the orc she's leaning up against the wall she's got her arms crossed and she's watching you and sitting on the couch facing directly at the secret door is Maggie Cole whoa look at all these faces that we haven't seen in so long how's it going everyone does Billy Maggie doesn't say anything she's sitting there and it's at that point that you see Maggie and you see her face and her and her long sort of reddish hair and you go oh it's Maggie and then you realize she's wearing full armor and leaning against the couch next to her is a long spear and on the floor at her other side is a shield something bad happened and she sees you and she stands up she grabs the spear she laces the shield through her arm and she steps forward and she points the spear right at the nape of your neck tuck she says where is my box I grab the tip of her spear with my crystal hand she looks at your hand sees the sort of crystal shards and looks at you says you've been through a little bit I've been through a lot regardless give me the box I take it off my back I'm like fucking like okay here don't you have to make us feel like assholes about it so you're just you have the box in your hands yeah I just take it off my back it's always there I'm like here take it don't be mean to us when we just woke up from spirit sleep it's hard to sleep spirit sleep while you're saying this Caroline has walked over taken the box from you bodily like she's ripped it away and she flips it over and she sees the crack on the top she goes look at this and she turns it to Maggie and Maggie flicks her eyes to it she's still got the spear like unwavering at your throat and she looks back at you tuck and says what happened oh!

Was this you?

I yeah I lost my temper you have 30 seconds to give me a reason not to kill you right here I oh god oh man I am not good at thinking under pressure 25 all I can think is the numbers that you're saying 20 shit help somebody help um I I jump up and I'm like hey it's uh not his fault and um you can blame me if you want I try to be really brave I close my eyes I'm ready for the spear take me instead if you spear him you'll have to spear me first steps in front of that I'm looking for an explanation well you're only getting us to spear instead of your explanation 15 Ving starts counting down 15 14 13 look you gave us a fucking magic box with a piece of shit wizard in it the wizard got out of the fucking box he killed Ving and then we had to go to a goddamn spirit world to save him so honestly if you really think about it you're to blame for all of this except for when I broke the box that was on me you're gonna have to you're gonna have to make a roll to convince her what am I gonna do?

Am I rolling?

Defy danger charisma I guess like it's not really a parlay 30 Maggie is just staring you in the eyes and she looks over to Caroline Caroline looks at her they sort of have an unspoken conversation she lowers the spear and they both walk back over to the couch and they sit down she takes the box from Caroline and she's just looking at it she's staring at this crack in the top she still looks angry and confused but she looks at you and says tell me everything alright okay so last time we saw you we were on the boat we were on a boat and then you and then we and then the frogs came and then I hid from I hid downstairs in your office and no that's before that's before oh shit cut that she knows that part you did hide Billy you did hide that's a really good memory yeah that's a good memory good remembering we ran away we tricked you we led you away Mears here helped no okay no we didn't trick anybody should we start again?

You guys are going backwards okay okay I'm sorry can we start again? No that was the way that you did it was yeah no this is all great in character there was a log across the trail no that was I found a broken shard of a spear I was in the womb everything was warm and wet that was 400 years ago yeah I remember something warm and wet no you definitely don't absolutely do not okay so okay where did you want us to take the box? To the the vault to the vault yeah the vault what do you call it?

The vault?

So we were just gonna take the box to the vault and the way we did that was you gave us the cat the cat so the cat's good sup wicker he's a nice boy or girl and he led us through the woods by sniffing the flowers and he said that are orange and then he brought us to a river village a bull rush and I got warm and wet with his dreams I wrote a poem that girl almost died from all those crocodiles it was a crocodile attack took its teeth and then Billy went crazy I was a real groucho Billy that was scary yeah it was I was a real groucho I was in a bad mood for a few days and then I took it out on these crocodiles remember that chicken chased you for a while I do and then we and then the old lady convinced us to teabag teabag the little boy Billy yeah in a magic river in the pool that went backwards in a magic pool when you say in a magic pool she goes oh oh okay so yeah I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know and then I remember the big penis coming out of the there's a dick monster dick monster in the pool oh when the penis monster language Billy sorry when the monster member monster when the member monster came out of the water he he grafts he grafts I can't say it he took a hold of Bing and I got really upset and I was like I'm gonna save you so I made some magic with the water and all this pink light came out and and then I can't remember what happened after that at that Maggie and and Caroline share a look I woke up surrounded by the elk and polar bear and owl in the spirit world after Bing died we were all sad for a while yeah I was sad you all mourned me adequately Bing's looking around at everybody with his eyes really wide open I was sad I was sad and then we came here to try and find Shathane and when you say Shathane's name Maggie shrugs you know Shathane why would I because you know Cartwin yeah and Cartwin knows Shathane okay Cartwin you know Shathane yes I know Shathane so you know Shathane right Maggie do you know everybody I know I know Caroline and Mears okay so do you know anybody else I know Billy she's I know I know I know Bing puts his arm around Billy looking at Maggie sighs and makes a gesture as if to say please continue so we we came here we went and then they took us to the spirit world Cartwin sent us there with a sexy ritual that she did oh Bing looks at Cartwin Cartwin looks around like excuse me there's a lot of fabric falling from your chest I was in a trance oh yeah so so was my little dome good god she just shakes her head she says after we're done this you're gonna tell me what happened to Shathane now please wrap it up yeah you kind of know the rest we went in we went in the spirit world and we found Bing and we had to fight a lot of bees and we came wasps sorry and we came back um and and Mears was super rude about it Mears uh like looks at Maggie like oh somebody told my boss that I was bad at my job like no I I uh I was doing what I was it was you know a lot of shifts Bing holds his hands up with the like shitty ropes on them like spaghetti noodles she looks at Mears like did you tie the shoelace knot again and he sheepishly looks down and so that's it that's how we arrive here yeah that's basically the story so if I no that's exactly that's exactly the story that's exactly the story yeah she takes that all in and goes okay so if I understand correctly you little Billy here and someone named Shathane went into that room and then you little Billy and Bing came out could you explain that well it's a uh the spirit world's kind of like a walk-in cooler like a first in first out kind of rule but what somebody has to stay behind is that how walking in the spirit world is like walking coolers work yeah you can't otherwise shit goes rotten you've never worked in a restaurant I own a restaurant well that's different than working inside one Bing is picking his fingernails and staring at the floor um she looks at the box she listens to that and she shakes her head and she looks at the box again and uh she says okay so it sounds like you've been through a lot and she's like what's going on but uh what I heard basically is I gave you a task and then a bunch of bullshit happened whoa and then for some reason you did not accomplish the seemingly very simple task that I gave you follow the cat all you had to do was let Wicker find the compass roses and she would take you right to where you needed to go okay so no problem we'll just take the box and head to the vault yes we'll just carry on from here now see there's there's my there's a point of concern for me is when I gave you this box and I I heard later on through messengers that the box had not arrived at the vault I thought maybe that you'd betrayed me when I gave you the box I thought they are far far too dumb to betray me you were right and then I thought maybe they were less dumb than I thought and they've betrayed me but now hearing this story I well and truly believe that you are just dumb we're not just dumb we're also incompetent fuck you lady so you can see how I would be a little concerned at allowing this box to be in your possession for any longer considering that it is now broken okay cracked it's cracked this should not crack at all can Ving high five tuck yeah Ving and tuck high five yeah cause he broke an unbreakable thing I would like to point out that when you gave us this quest we told you that we are not good at staying on track or finishing things why did you agree cause why not you know well it seemed like shit was wrapping up in mudlark and this was a reason to leave now by wrapping up what are you you mean the frog people yeah it was generally being overrun by a frog army you consider that wrapping up all of those lives it kind of is a natural point to leave a place ah when it needs you most yes understood we're not the people who gave us ourselves the orders to leave you're right that was technically you that was you're absolutely right that was a slip in my judgment and that was a slip in my judgment and that was a slip in my judgment and that was a slip in my judgment and that was a slip in my judgment and that was a slip in my judgment put yourself in our shoes if your friend was in danger and I point at Billy and I'm like would you not do anything to save him and make him better and if your friend and then I point at Caroline had died would you not do anything to bring him back from the dead Maggie her her eyes harden even just a little bit more and she says do you really think that I haven't lost in my life and that I have not tried to bring people back but this right here she lifts up the box this represents a threat to countless lives no it doesn't it he's super chill oh yeah let's get back to that what this box has a wizard in it had is it still in here yeah he's in there I think well he's somewhere yeah he was definitely hanging out with us in the spirit realm he does not leave us alone he is fucking insufferable and useless he tried to teach me a bunch of stuff I didn't understand any of it and he wasted all of my time who was this piece of shit it was Perel the fish fish man oh that was the wizard guy yeah was this was this connected to the monster at the pool in any way yes what happened to that monster that was when Tuck broke the box and then he kind of just like uh left the water monster just just like he left from the pool and he kind of just like went just like out everywhere uh Caroline and and Maggie share another look and Caroline says that would explain a lot of uh a lot of what's been going on what's been going on Jinx you owe me uh a honey mead fuck ah ah and then Vin starts doing the honey mead dance honey mead honey mead honey mead honey mead honey mead honey mead honey mead honey mead honey mead honey mead honey mead honey mead honey mead Maggie says well if you're actually interested things in Mudlark have been pretty bad these past few months uh the the bully wugs have gotten bolder and who's bolder what have they done to boulder kill him I like the idea that this is partially Vin's prolonged exposure to like the one name spirits.

So he's like, oh yeah, Boulder. Is Boulder okay? Yeah, they've become more aggressive but more organized and we wondered if maybe something had changed and that would explain it. And we've had a couple reports from cells around the principalities of people going missing. That sort of thing. And if there's some sort of magical entity involved, that could explain a lot of that. It left through the waterways? Yeah, it went through every tributary that fed the magic pool.

It seemed like it kind of flowed out through all of them. But the wizard in the box, Perel, he said that that was kind of all the negative parts of him. And he's okay. Oh, there are non-negative parts of a wizard now? Oh yeah, he gave us a ride on his back a bunch. Didn't he turn into a party island for a while? He turned into a party island. He helped save Ving. He saved us from that goldfish or whatever. The koi? The koi. He kind of subsumed the koi. But in a good way. Yeah, koi was weird.

Shathane was pretty anti-wizard too, but Perel was saying that there's another side to this story. And that he was trying to help. A wizard would say that, wouldn't he? That's exactly what Shathane said. I think Shathane and I would have got along. Well, what now? We're taking this. And she lifts up the box. Oh, wait. What are you going to do with it? We're going to put it somewhere where it can't harm anyone. It doesn't do anything to anybody. I believe that it already killed your friend once.

No, it's fine. He's fine. Look at him. I am… I am still seriously considering killing you. Well, that's… Why? That's unreasonable. I am but a small boy. An orphan. Orphaned in the woods. What would you gain by killing me? A small boy? Are you a child murderer now, Maggie? So you're some sort of child murderer now, Maggie? I want to believe you, but this could all be a ploy. You could be working to use these things against the people of the principalities. The people of this world.

And Mears, actually jumps in at this point. He goes, Maggie, if I could just say something. And she nods. He goes, I've worked with these folks in a sense a little bit more than you have. And they've really put their necks out there just to help people. When they were investigating your identity as Muckraker, it was all in an attempt, I think, in some foolhardy way to help the people of Mudlark.

And, uh, I don't know, I think, I think that if you could see it in your heart, that they're really just trying to help. And I doubt there's any malice behind any of the things that they've done. Mears. Mears. Mears. Mears. Mears. He closes his eyes. Mears. Mears. He puts up a hand. It's really nice to see you guys again. Nice to see you too, Mears. Yeah, man. I was worried about you. For good reason. You lost a hand. Yeah, I did. A frog ate it. And Maggie's like, enough. A frog didn't eat it.

You tripped and landed on a frog. What? Mears. Yeah, but, but the frog, but then the frog ate it. I suppose that is technically true. And she looks at Mears and she looks at the needle on his cloak. And just, you see, you see the thought process going through her head like, well, if we're keeping this dipshit around, what do you think you can offer? What do you, how do you think you can help? Okay. Billy gets up the courage and he says, well, we're still technically menders.

And Maggie puts up her hand and says, no, you are not. Yes, I am. And I pull out the pin from Tuck's hand. That was a method of identifying, yourself as, as an ally to the menders. As menders. And she pulls out the vial with the, with the pin that she pricked. Like you see the drops of blood at the bottom. And she says, this was nothing more than a method of tracking you. And crowning us as menders. Then I put it back in my hair.

And she says, there is a time honored and complicated induction ceremony. And we thank you. And Mears goes, it's true. It there's like, there's a song. Sing it. Oh, there's no words. No, sing it now. It kind of goes like, it kind of goes like, like, there's more, but I can't remember it. It's lame. It's more of a dirge. Yeah. What do you think you can offer me as an ally to the menders? You have my ass. And my bow. And you, wait, wait, can you take my bow? Hey, give me that bow. Yeah.

I take his bow. It's really heavy. And Ving says, and our cat. It's, that's technically my cat. But you, so Ving or Tuck, you take the ax out, the Larry, Terry and Chad, and they all kind of look at it. And then they look at the pile of weapons that they took from you. Like Billy, you see your, your short sword and your, and your dagger and all your throwing knives and poisons and stuff.

And, and, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, sees that and goes, they didn't have that when I was in there. And Caroline looks at the ax and goes, what is that? You mean, who is that? Spirit ax. Brought it back from the spirit world. Inside of it is the souls of our friends, Terry, Larry, and Chad. They're rocks. Oh, okay. And, and Cartwin, Ving's doodling on a piece of paper. Yeah, they're rocks. And, uh, they all listen to it. They all listen to it. They all listen to it.

They all listen to that description. And Caroline's just staring at it. And you hear her say very quietly, that's extremely cool. She's just like smitten with this ax. Cartwin gets up actually and starts like touching the ax a little bit, like kind of inspecting it. Like, so you, you've transferred this, the spiritual, the spirits of three stones in this ax. Yeah. That's incredible. First, we had to trick them into thinking they were three different stones for a while.

It's just, it's, it's honest. It's beautiful. And Maggie's like, okay, yes, it's a very nice ax. Now, can you please tell me what you're going to do for me to redeem yourselves? And I take the ax and I'm going to do some pretty wild ax moves right now. My attempt is going to be quite a lot of flips up, like under, like under my arm, catch it again, spin it around, do a couple of twirls. It's going to be like watching, that front guy in a parade. So what actually happens? Well, I don't know.

You do not have to roll. Defy danger. No, no, no, no. Charisma. Could Vink start whistling the Harlem Gold Trotters theme? See, no, no, no, no. Hold on. Now, do you understand the problems with rolling for superfluous stuff? No, no. You're opening yourself up to hard move failures. If you fail, a bad thing happens. And to fight in your charisma. Charisma? Three. You used to be so charming. In what world does axe spinning become a charismatic event? I want to aid. With the performance of it.

That was a really good effort, Tuck. It's heart. It's all heart. Axe spinning comes from in here. What are you pointing at? Okay. So, wow. Just great. Okay. So here's how I'm going to do this. Because you demanded to roll for something you did not need to roll for. Be reasonable. No. Yeah. There was a chance. But you had the chance for me to be reasonable. Please. I know, right? So, did you… So, wait. What's your charisma modifier? Three? Two? Two. Two. Okay. So, it's a five either way.

Spectacular. Nothing in this scene is going to happen. Nobody can aid? But behind the scenes, something has happened. Something, as you have stood around, flipping your axe like Tom Cruise in Cocktail. I didn't know it was going to be that cool. Something bad has happened in the world. I've seen bad things happen all the time. Sure. Directly. Tom Cruise feels bad? Yeah. Something bad has happened. Okay. Great. And I guess you mark a point of experience. Solid. Worth it. Is it?

Guys, as far as I know, there are no negative repercussions. Great. So, what happens, though, is that you start spinning it around and you're twirling it like a baton and you try and flip it behind your back and it goes straight out at a right angle. And just destroys an armoire. That's the thing that happens in the scene. And Cartman goes, hey, I am again so sorry about your apartment. She looks at the hole that you smashed through the wall and goes, whatever.

And Maggie watches all this happen and goes, I feel I am going to regret this very much. But if you want to help, we could use it. And she starts to tell you about a few of the rumors that they've heard through different mender cells of things going on in the principalities. And I'm going to ask y'all what those rumors are. So, Abdul, give me one of the rumors that the menders have heard. I thought of two. Shit. You're going to give me one. Give the one with the less penises in it.

I don't have any. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Can we get a clean read on that, Paul? Can we get a clean read on 69? Years. Years. Yeah, every irregular amount of time for the last 90 years since the Exodus, a broken moon has appeared in the sky. And in the last two weeks, the coronet has returned permanently. Oh, okay. Interesting. So now there is a broken moon in the sky all of the time. Great.

Yeah, no, that's awesome. What's your other one? The other one I was thinking of is… I said one. No, I want your answer. Okay, okay, okay. The other one I was thinking of is that you had entire battalions returning from the River Wars. Yeah, that's another thing that we've talked about. We talk about a lot of world-building stuff off mic for our own enjoyment. The River Wars we've described is a conflict that happened in the Riverlands Principality between two families.

And due to the weird time-space nature of the Exodus, the River Wars is reported as having gone on for a few weeks to a few years to a few decades. During the wars, people disappeared and came back and it had only been a few weeks, but they said they'd been away for 20 years. And they aged 20 years. They aged, yeah, and they've aged and people have come back younger. Like, it was just a really fucked up… There are people who remember dying multiple times. Yeah.

They fought the same battle over and over again for decades. And some people have said the River Wars have been over for almost 100 years. Mm-hmm. But other people have said it's only, you know, it's a very screwed-up area of the principalities. And since, like, the River Wars ended, like, 100 years ago, like, there's been nothing. Just the legend of the River Wars until now, until this, like, these battalions, like, just appeared.

And it was like, these guys returned home 100 years ago and they died 60 years ago. But, like, another version of the… Another version of them came back. Yeah, pretty cool. Paul? I was going to say that since Crocodile died in the pool and that was the spirit form of Crocodile, so all of the crocodiles and crocodile-like animals in the world have been disappearing and dying.

And it's throwing the whole food chain, the whole ecosystem, the delicate balance that exists in the world is being thrown out of whack. Slug. Slowly, in different pockets, obviously, in the more crocodile-dense environments and ecosystems, they're heavily affected. But slowly, the food chain's breaking down and the animal kingdom is severely affected and it's starting to affect the human world, too. So there's been a removal of the crocodile species.

Yeah, and that's a cool thing that will just continue to affect the world, too. Like, that's not even necessarily, like, the crocodile adventure. It's like nature is fucked. No, nature is fucked. You guys went into the spirit world, you created a species, you've destroyed a couple other ones, and everything is fucked now. I'd do it all again for you. Aw, that's sweet. Crocodile tears. Jessica? The Wittershins is flooding. Oh, so there's just, there's like a flooding in the Everwood Valley? Yeah.

Whoa. Wait, so like both sides of, is it the whole thing is flooding? Yeah. Both the rivers. Both the rivers are flooding. Whoa. And that's never happened before. Cool, yeah. Okay, no, that's actually perfect because that's like, like, specific big events that are like, we need to investigate these and then like other world things that can be investigated but will also just have greater ramifications.

Because I was thinking like, oh, we're going to have to choose one but those all work sort of in conjunction with one another. Okay, so Maggie lists off all these rumors that the Menders have heard. Okay. So what do you think? What do you think the three of you would want to investigate? Investigate? Like, is she dispatching us to investigate something? Seems that way. I feel like we have a connection with Peral.

Like, if it's the evil spirits out there causing shit, he might be responsible for this because he's in the water and he could be responsible for these floods. That's true. Yeah, and if we… We might have a connection with him. Yeah. We could talk to him. I feel like we should stick on this box and help get it back to the vault because… If we, like, abandon Peral… Like, I guess I kind of feel some loyalty to him for helping us. So we can't really just, like, leave him. Yeah, that's fair.

So the plan currently is try and see the box through to the end and then maybe head to the Halfling Lands and check out the water? Yeah, and try and figure out what's Peral's actual endgame because, like, I mean, he was pretty cool with us in the spirit world but he could always… He could still be, like, trying to fuck us over. Yeah. Possibly if he took Crocodile out of this world he might be able to bring him back. I don't know. Oh, man, I like you guys so much.

You've really given me some cool shit to think about. Okay, so the consensus now is that you're going to offer to see the box through to the vault and then go investigate the flooding of the Wittershins and the Sunwise. That's sort of the plan right now? And make sure the ecosystem of the planet doesn't crumble? Mm-hmm. Yeah, I think that that makes sense. Cool. And everybody agrees with that? Yes. Yes. Okay, cool. Okay. So you tell Maggie that and she thinks all that through.

She's sort of nodding to herself. She says, I may come to regret this and while you didn't complete the very simple task that I laid out for you… Yet. Yet. Sure. You have very clearly overcome some incredible hardships in the time between then and now and your effectiveness… Your effectiveness can unfortunately not be denied.

And considering the unbelievable damage that you seem to cause everywhere you go, I feel like I would rather have you on my side with some friendly eyes on you than in the wind doing whatever in the diamond hills you choose to do. So I'm going to trust you one more time. But if you fail me, I will not be so forgiving. Wait, are you coming with us or are you sending us a load? No, no, no, no.

I'm not coming with you, but I feel like this is a great opportunity to lay some responsibility on a new recruit. And she puts a hand on Mears' arm and Mears looks at her. His eyes go wide and he looks at you and he goes, Okay. Thumbs up, Mears. Mears. Mears. Come on, Maggie. Mears. Mears. Mears. You too, Caroline. Mears. Mears. Mears. You're out there in the hallway. Mears. Mears. And I lift Mears up on my shoulder. Mears. Mears. Mears. Mears. Mears. Mears. Mears. Mears. Mears. Mears. Mears.

Mears. Mears. Mears. And that's where we're going to leave it for this week. My name is Sean O'Hara, and I've been your Game Master. With me, as always, playing Tacoma Dome, the Barbarian, Abdulaziz. So long. And playing Fat Billy, the Halfling Thief, Jessica Tai. Bye, friends. And playing Ving, one name only, the Elf Druid, Paul Oppers. I love ribs. Thanks to… Oh, that took me a second. That took a second for that to land. So good. And thanks to Wes Lord, our technical producer.

Thanks to Gavin Vickery for offering very kindly offering… For very kindly offering… For very kindly offering… This 100% wood ping pong table in his beautiful co-work space and also office in beautiful Nanaimo, British Columbia for us to record in. Thanks to Aaron Reid of Vancouver Sunday Service for our intro and outro music. Thanks to you for listening. And at this point, I'm going to say, you know what? If you like the show, tell a friend.

Because we don't advertise in any ways that we absolutely should be doing at this point. So tell your friends. And if you find it in your heart… Please give us a review on iTunes. Five stars or more. Whatever you feel comfortable with as long as it is at least five stars. And I'm sure you listen to other podcasts and you've heard this a billion times. But very genuinely, reviews are super important to get shows out there and let people know that they might be interested in them.

And we have social media accounts on Twitter. You can find us at Spout Lore. Facebook. Spout Lore. And through those various… Hey, friends. Look us up on the internet. Everywhere. Spout Lore. That's true. That's great. Fuck it. I don't need anything else. Thank you so much for listening. See you next time, baby. And so ends the tale of Adventures 3. Who tried the best they can. Though dumb and scared and lost they be. For time… Time's abreast in revelry.

And though our journey may be like a conclusion. We will not leave you without a resolution. Return next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores. And for you I am a new-born. I am a new-born. I am a new-born. I am a new-born. I am a new-born. I'm gladly spelled Lore. Oh, yeah. Check out Input Cowork in Nanaimo, British Columbia. Beautiful co-work space with a loft. It's sick. I'd live there. I would live there. It's nicer than a lot of apartments I've lived in.

That's absolutely true. I've never been in a nicer space. And I never will be again.

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape, and wields a spear with great might Billy's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends, and listen close For the tale's about to start Hi everybody, welcome back to Spout Lore I'm your Game Master, Sean O'Hare And with me today is Abdulaziz Hello everybody, I play Tacoma Dope And he is still hungry Fuck!

You had two sheets that you could have read and taken your time But you chose instead to not It is on the sheet! It is And Jessica Tai Hello everybody, I am Jessica and I play Fat Billy And I, Jessica, still have bronchitis This is the same night as we recorded last time And Fat Billy still does not have bronchitis Uh, he, um… Ow Great, wonderful Just read one thing And they already know! Hey guys, I have a wisdom of plus one There we go Bet you didn't think about that You idiots! You idiots!

Uh… Paul Oppers Hi, I'm playing Ving The druid half-elf human guy Who needs everyone to hold his power And is hung like a zebra What the fuck are you talking about? Sean, you made us do this Is this on… Whatever Is… Was everyone… Is that on there? How do you spell zebra? Does… Is… Needs everyone to hold his power his new bond? Yeah, there's a bond Oh, cool Yeah, he… I don't know when…

Like when something's extreme I think I added that when, uh, Abdul helped him with that fire mishap Oh, cool So big, big, big stuff He really needs the… The family all involved It's a family tie Holding hands Cool Just like that one scene In… Uh… Guardians of the Galaxy? Yes Oh, yeah Yeah So, uh, the family ends up being the solution?

Yeah When we last left our heroes, they had encountered yet again Mender Maggie Cole, formerly known as the gangster muckraker Sweet Caroline the orc, also Mender Cartwin St. Ange, also Mender And, uh, Mears Falsmith, brand new Mender Uh, he's got a sword now, and he is psyched about it You had reunited and sort of given the Menders the rundown on what happened? What happened between Mudlark and now?

And seemingly against her better judgment, but for reasons her own, uh, Maggie Cole has agreed to allow you to remain in possession of Perel's Wardstone box, uh, and deliver it to the vault, which is where? What? Where is the vault? I thought you told us No, I was wondering that last time We didn't know No, we never know Yeah, we haven't actually discussed it Do we think it's in another principality? Firefields… Yeah? Firefields Principality?

I don't know, we haven't done that one What are the other ones? Uh, well, Paul came up with the Firefields Principality, which is sort of a west coast Pacific Ocean, like, volcanic area What's up? And that, I think we've talked about, is where Vertgrass is Oh! The hometown of Etienne Boggins Summertime vacation Uh, so yeah, the Firefields Principality, and then the other two I left up to you, Jessica, and you, Wes, but we never sort of got around to it Well then, let's go! To the Firefields!

Okay, yeah, let's go to the Firefields! Alright, so, uh, and Maggie has left you in the care of brand new Mender, Merus Foulsmith, who has been inducted into the Menders and taught their ways and given the information Pro- you guys will probably need at least a night, because you realize you are extremely hungry Yeah, should I reload up all my HP?

Yeah, you should reload up all your HP, yeah, you should reload up all your HP, yeah, you should reload up all your HP You can do some commodities and stuff Um, yeah, I will say that you spend a night at Cartwin's Apartments, sort of on bedrolls, resting up, so all your hitpoints back up to normal Ving, you and I talked about how Ving's crystal hand affliction is gonna give you an sort of ongoing debility to your dexterity, so your dexterity is functionally zero, your modifiers is basically zero right now until you find a way to heal your hands of this crystal Infector.

To heal your hands of this crystal infection. Is Cartoon a healer at all? She is, technically. Yeah. Can you do anything with this mess? She spends a while looking at your hands and sort of inspecting them and rubbing them with various oils. Just take a picture, lady. Yeah, Cartoon has some fucking repressed sexual whatever. Oh, my fucking God. It's for sure she's horny for Shathane. I mean, whatever. I miss that dick. You know, I was him for a second there.

I was in the spirit world for what felt like forever. Yeah, it was a long time. Yeah, it felt like 69 months. She shakes her head. She says, I… We, Billy and Tuck, are watching this from the other side of the room and like… Quietly high five what he says. Can Tuck be doing six with his fingers and Billy's doing nine? Yeah. Tuck has to… I've been in there for… And then Ving looks over. 69. Tuck has to what? Tuck has to adjust my fingers to make sure I'm holding a nine.

He hasn't learned how to count. Dismany. Beautiful. You're making jokes and she's like, Shathane was a dear friend of mine and… I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't fully understand what happened to him and I don't know if I will, but… I can tell you a little bit about it if you want to know. Yeah. I would love to know. Yeah. He stayed behind.

He needed to… Find the woman that he loved. The only woman that he ever loved. And he said that he thinks that he can help her on the inside and he was doing it for… His child? She gives you that sort of like quiet… Rueful like laugh and shake of the head. She says, well, maybe he'll find what he needs this time.

Anyways, I've taken a good look at what's going on here and I've applied every sort of expertise and experience I have to what's going on with your hands here, but I don't think I can help you. I'm sorry. Do you know anybody that might? Have you ever seen anything like this? I haven't. I've seen people afflicted by spirits before. But I don't know what happened here. Maybe you being a shapeshifter the way you are, the way that the spirits interacted with your physical body in the spirit realm.

It's just outside my sphere of experience. What about that Master Boda guy? Oh. Would he know? Would he know anything about this? Master Boda? Yeah, he's a druid that I learned from. Where is he? I wish I knew, but… He's probably taking a too long shower, you know, the way Master Boda does. It doesn't even sound like masturbation. Are you kidding me? It sounds exactly like masturbator. How old are you? Whatever. Master Boda. Master Boda. Language, Billy.

She says, I met him on a mountainside outside the principalities 40 years ago, 50 years ago. In the… In the firefields? No, closer to the… Closer to the Great Forest. So, if you can track him down there sometime, I don't know, maybe he can help or… I don't know, maybe they'll fall off. I don't know. Jesus. Thank you. Thanks. What the fuck? Your bedside manner is crazy. I say this from across the room. I'm not a doctor. No, you're not. I'm a painter. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Get off my back.

Get off my back. This is terrible. We shouldn't be asking for medical advice. Thank you for realizing that. We forgot what you were. We were in the spirit world for an indeterminate amount of time. And also, Ving has never met you. Great, great, great. Hi, I'm Ving. Hi, Cartwin. Nice to meet you. Cartwin St. Onge. Nice to meet you. Sorry, what was your last name? St. Onge. Oh, enchanté. Oh, okay. And she says, you know what? Get some rest.

And I, when, while this exchange is happening, I lean over to Billy and I'm like, I love watching Ving talk to women because it's like watching a fucking train wreck. Train wreck. Train wreck is a band. A band. That literally one of their members dies every time they perform. Oh, my God. Why do they still perform? It's for the love of the music and also because they hate some of their band members. Wow. I don't even know what time of day it is. Because the environment wasn't set up.

It was just like, you guys stayed over. I'm like, but what time is it? You can't tell in a mall. It's like a casino. I guess so. That's a good point. Yeah. When you came to, you saw through the like hole in the wall. Hole in the wall. Because there was, there's windows above, there's like a glass ceiling above that the light was, oh, come on, guys. The way the light was filtering through, you assumed it was about, or it was around like late afternoon.

And as you talked, the light grew dimmer and it's now nighttime. Is it dark? Yes. So you guys are looking at your hands and we're trying to sleep over here. We are in sleeping bags watching this happen. Still in Cartman's apartment. Yeah, absolutely. We are. We're sleeping in the granite cart. Smash everything. There's like a fire in the middle that I built out of her broken wicker furniture. Which she put out immediately. Yeah, wicker burns so fast.

It's actually, the hole in the wall is- Is it repaired with the armoire he destroyed? I should say, yeah, the armoire got wrecked for sure, but the apartment's a lot cleaner than you remember it being when you went in. How long were we down for? That's a good question. Do you ask somebody about that? Yeah, we yell it from across the room. Yeah. Hey, we're just wondering, hey, we're over here watching your flirtatious interaction. Flirtatious?

And we were wondering, how long were we in the spirit world for? It's been three months. What? No! Yeah. What? Did it feel like more or less? It felt a lot less. So yeah, Cartman says, yeah, it's been three months since we put you under. Whoa. Yeah. How long have I been dead for? You were dead for like a week before that. Anyway, can I get you anything? Yeah. Billy covers his eyes. What are you doing? Pointing at my peen. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go to my room. So crude.

And I'm gonna close the door. Can I roll for a peen look? No. Yes! Okay. So Cartman gets up, and she goes to her room, and she closes her door very pointedly, and Tuck, Billy, and Ving, you're left in the main room of Cartman's apartment to go to sleep for the night. What? This was a sleepover for everyone? Yeah, Mears also sleeps in the apartment.

Maggie and Carolyn go somewhere else, but everybody's there in the morning to sort of see you off, and Maggie comes up to the, the three of you, and Mears, and says, okay, so it's 10 days to the vault. It should only take you 10 days to get there. Okay. Walking, camping, walking, camping, maybe stopping in a town to resupply, and then continuing on. Yes, Billy. I have a question. I walk very slow. Can we double this to 20 days or 30 days? Because my, my legs are very short. Oh, my God. Please.

Maybe we can get you a cart. How about that? No, I need the exercise. Okay. Let's call it 20 days. 20 days. Not bad. That's pretty good. Way to go, Billy. I'll speed walk. And we get five gold a day, you were saying? I have given Mears a small amount of money to cover some expenses. Some? Yes. She hefts up a bag. She says, this has enough food. Once she thinks, 20 days. 20 days. And she puts down that bag and grabs another bag and shovels some more like packets into it.

She's like, now this has enough food for 20 days for the four of you, three of you. You don't eat, right? I don't need to eat. Spectacular. Those Lunchables? This is enough food to get you to the vault. And then from there, you can resupply if necessary. If after 20 days, I do not hear that that box is in that vault, I don't need to eat. I will come for you. Billy, yes, again. I think there's just a lot of questions that aren't being answered. Like, what? Are they Lunchables?

I would say that, yes, there are ones specifically for lunch, but they're all for the same meal. And so, sort of depends on when you eat them. Is there anything special we need to do at the vault? Is there anything we need to do a special to show them? Are they expecting us? They are expecting you. They've been expecting you for three and a half months. Well, that delay of three months was mostly Cartwin's fault. Cartwin goes, you fucked up the spirit thing. It took a lot of time.

And we're not going to do that. And we're not going to do that. And we're not going to do that. No blame is being assigned. You literally just assigned blame to me. It's true. Listen, what he means is we aren't mad at you, but it's your fault. Cartwin says, I'm not even going to begin to explain why it… She stops talking. She just looks so exhausted. You look tired. Maggie turns to Mears and says, Mears, I'm sure that you can already see all of the ways that this can go wrong.

I am counting on you to attempt to wrangle these three in any way necessary. His eyes are wide, but he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll do whatever I can. I got it. And he salutes. You know the way to the vault? Oh, I do. I know the way to all the vaults. Let's get the hell out of here. Yeah, let's go. Yeah. And Maggie takes… Makes one last look at Caroline standing behind her imposingly, arms crossed. Says, don't screw this up. Billy, yes, one more time. Can I say goodbye to Wicker?

And you see her resolve like break a little bit as she kind of goes like, oh. Because he can't come with us. Wicker runs to you. Yes, you can say goodbye. Wicker? And I put my face in his fur or her fur. Was that my voice? No, that was Paul making a cat noise. I don't know. I have to be strong, Wicker. But you have been my friend and I love you and I miss you. And Wicker nuzzles your face. I nuzzle Wicker's face. And I wipe my tears on his face. On her face. Her face. On her face.

Ed, gender's a person thing. Who knows? A cat doesn't really care. Billy doesn't know anything about gender. Yeah. Ed, I love you. I think I said it already. Do you love me? Ving says, she says she loves you too, Bonnie. Thank you. And she believes in you and she knows that you will do the right thing when the time comes. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I'll never forget you. And she says, you won't have to. Wicker hands you a compass rose. Hands? Hands.

Yeah, paws you. What the fuck is wrong with you people? Wait, am I the only one using my imagination here? So yeah, you see that classic thing where like in 90s shows there was like a paw on a stick that they would use whenever a dog would do something crazy? Yeah. Yeah. It's like moving around. It's that. It's like a cat's paw on a stick. It's totally fucking stiff. You can see the Velcro with a piece of rose on it. Yeah, there's a fucking compass rose glued to it. Follow this.

And then it just touches Billy's face. Take this compass rose. Ving tells you. Really? So now you have a compass rose. Yeah. So Ving is saying Wicker wants you to take a rose? Yeah, take the compass rose and follow this rose. It'll lead you to where you need to go. Oh, okay. Oh, that's pretty nice. Actually, Wicker cannot pick things. Wicker is a cat. I just want to be clear. Wicker nudges a compass rose with his goddamn schnoz towards Billy. The fuck? Oh, you people. Rocks turned into an axe.

Yeah, Sean, you really ruined a moment here. Oh, fuck. It's nice. There was a fish horse for a while there. It's nice, but it can be nice and make sense. No. It made sense before. Okay. Wicker hands me a rose. With his nose. With his nose. With his nose. With his nose. With his nose. With his nose. In her teeth. In her teeth. Wicker hops down from the couch that she's been sitting on. She runs out outside of the door of Cartwin's apartment. Wicker.

And she comes back padding back in with a compass rose in her mouth. And she walks up to Billy and she drops it at his feet. What do I do with it? And she meows. Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. She says, follow this rose. It'll lead you to where you need to go. And if you keep this with you, she says that she will always be able to come back to you. I love you, Wicker. And I give her another hug. And I put the rose in my pouch with my blanket. And you all leave.

Well, as we're walking away from Cartwin's apartment, I'm talking to Billy. I'm like, that's really nice that he gave you that gift. Yeah. Should I give her something? You don't have to. What do I do? Nothing. That's just nice. Yeah, it is. Yeah. She gave me a gift, too. What? She left a dead mouse in my sleeping bag. She'll be able to find you, too. And before you well and truly leave the High Spear Mall, is there anything that you want to do? I have a couple of things.

A couple of things I need to finish up before we leave. Okay. What is the first one? I'm going to go to the Spearmint B&B. Okay. To find Dan. Uh-huh. Spearmint is a nice, cozy little B&B. Not unlike a Holiday Inn. Not that cozy. Pretty shitty, actually. But it's very standard. Nothing like a Holiday Inn. In your travels, Billy, you haven't really traveled all that much. But Ving and Tuck, you've seen a ton of Spearmint B&Bs. It's definitely a chain owned by one family.

And their thing was like, we're going to put a bunch of B&Bs in every goddamn city. In the world. And they did it. And they're… They did it. Certainly. Oh. Everywhere. That's their slogan is Spearmint B&B. Certainly everywhere. Yeah. So you go to the Spearmint B&B and you ask for Colonel Dan Fossey. And I go up to the guy at the counter. I'm like, hey. And then I look at his name tag. Oh, fuck. Don't do this to me. Sir, what's your name? Torg. Hey, you. Torg. Look at me. Torg. Torg. Torg.

Torg. Torg. Torg. Torg. Torg. Torg. I am looking at you. I came in at this pretty hot. Yes, you certainly did. Let's start it again. And I shuffle back. I shuffle back around the corner. Pretend you're wearing a tie. And then I come back out. I'm like, hello, sir. Hello. Okay, I'm going to try that one more time. I'm like, hi. Hello. Torg. Yes. I'm looking for a friend of mine. What's their name? Dan. Either Colonel Dan or Dan Fossey or Dan Derglot. Dan.

He looks at a sheet of paper he has in front of him. Room 4-1. Then he goes back to reading whatever book he was reading. What book is he reading? I notice he's reading a book. What are you reading? I'm about to walk away and I see the book and I shuffle back. I'm like, what book are you reading? He's kind of embarrassed and he turns away. He says, nothing. No, tell me. Don't be shy, Torg. It's a book. It's just a book. Come on. It's a normal book. It's a normal book. What is the title?

Love and Lust. Oh, can I see the cover? No. Billy. What? You're a child. Can I see the cover? Yeah, can we see the cover? Then Ving and I shuffle behind the camera. We squeeze back there. No, I go over the counter. Climb right over. He's kind of sheepish, but he turns the cover to you. It's a book. It's a book. It's a book. It's a book. It's a book. It's a book. It's a book. It's a book. It's a book. It's like a buff knight, but he doesn't have a chest plate. It's just bare chested.

But he's wearing all the rest of the armor? And he's got his arm around another knight who also doesn't have a chest piece. Oh, sick. Guys, what does it look like? It's two daddies hugging. Yeah. Wow. And they've just built a tent. Oh, is it a nice tent? Yeah. Yeah. It's wildly larger than you would think is humanly possible. Cool. When you are done with this book, may I borrow it? Sure. We'll finish it quick because we're going to grab it on the way out. Good luck, room 4-1. Okay.

We go up to 4-1. Ving goes, good for you. Goes upstairs. He goes upstairs. Torg looks around like, what? There's no stigma against homosexuality in this world. No, honestly, this is a show for escapism. Stuff's cool. Everybody's cool. It's the best. So you go up to room 4-1 and knock on the door, I guess? Yeah, I do. And you hear, just a second, just a second. Housekeeping. Housekeeping. You see the light behind the door. The peephole dim for a second. And you hear, oh.

And I guess what I hear is that I instinctively kick the door. Give me a defy danger. It is a 100% instinct reaction, though. And what happened is. It's a knee jerk reaction. No, but you're kicking the door open. But like, it was in the process of being opened. And it just, your foot slams against it. And you hear, oh. And sprawled out on the little. The little hallway between the doorway and the main bedroom is Dan Durglott. Dan, hey. Dan. Wow. Oh, it has been.

I didn't think I would ever see you three again. How are you? We're good. Who's this? That's Bing. Billy, you idiot. Yeah. And you hear, I'm Mears. Oh, yeah. Oh. Oh. We forgot Mears is here. Yeah, no, I figured. I figured. I'm supposed to keep an eye on you. But you know what? Mears didn't forget. That's why he's with us. That's why. He's the leader. That's right. Technically. Okay. What's going on with you, Kern? Oh, it's great. Lumpley and I, we started a new business.

We're sort of, we've been here at the Spearmint for a few months now. And what the fuck happened to your hands? Oh, with these? Oh, is that deliberate? I wouldn't say so. Oh, yeah. Anyway, sorry. We've been at the Spearmint for a few months. We got a new business. I think you guys are going to be pretty excited to hear. We went all in on hats. And how did that turn out for you? Bad. Wow. So now, that was a couple months ago. So after hats, we went to kettle corn. And? Terrible. Wow. What next?

Right now, the idea is bespoke watch straps. Okay. Let me stop you there. Okay. Rethink that. Oh, my God. You're right. No one's going to wear a watch. They're huge. Oh, what next? What next? And he starts walking around his room. Oh, hey, what are you doing here? Oh, right. You owe us money from the fucking when we dragged your ass into and out of that swamp hole. He, his eye, like he's walking around and you see his eyes go. Oh. Oh. Dang. Yeah. Yeah. I do, don't I? You sure do. Oh, man.

Well, have I got great news for you. I can't wait. I'm trying to think of some great news. It's hats, isn't it? It might be hats. How do you guys feel about hats? Fuck you, Colonel Dan. Yeah, give us our goddamn money. Don't try and weasel out of this again. What about kettle corn? I swear to God, I know you have money in here. I'm going to have to pay you. I'm going to have to pay you. I'm going to have to pay you. I'm going to have to pay you. There's a ton of work coming in here.

There's a ton of work coming in here. There's a ton of work coming in here. There's a ton of work coming in here. There's a ton of work coming in here. Fucking object in this room. That's yours. Yes. Sounds like a parlay. Here we go. So it's a 2d6 plus charisma and the thing is give me money or I'm going to smash all your stuff. Yeah. Okay. Nine. Nine. Anybody want to aid? Yeah, I'll aid. So it's 2d6 plus your bonds. How are you aiding? Give me all your shit or I'll smash your shit.

Touch you with these hands. Yeah, I'll stick these crystals where the sun don't shine, Colonel Dan. Five plus my bond. Two. Yeah. Seven. Seven. Great. Okay, perfect. So that's a 10 and your aid is great. So he goes, okay, okay, okay. All right. Okay, okay. Look, look, look. We are on thin ice with the Spearmint B&B so please do not break anything. How much did I owe you? I assumed that you knew. It was five. It was five per. Day. Day. Three months ago. Three months ago. Well, now hold on.

It was five to get me to Mudlark, I think. Five per person per day. That seems high. And it was a three-day trek. So that's 15. Times three is 45. 45. We're at 45 gold coins. And then we, did you want us to fucking leave you in Mudlark? Yeah, but hey, guess what? Hey, we can put you back there. No, man. That wasn't part of our deal. Are you serious? I did not hire you to get me out of Mudlark. Oh, we did that? Yeah. Is that because we like you? Yeah. I'm pretty sure we don't like you, Dan.

I assumed that you were doing it out of the goodness of your hearts. Well, you assumed wrong, you cheap shit. Give us, you know what? We'll take 45. Yeah. Wow. Great. 45. 45 it is. And he, he says, turn around. No. No, turn around. No? You know what? After you literally kicked my door in to demand money from me, I don't want you to know where my little, nest egg is. Is your nest egg potentially in that Fabergé egg on the shelf? And his eyes like flick towards the egg? And he goes, no.

Does that thing even hold 45 coins? No. Does it hold more? No. I believe him. Okay. Yeah. Well, I'm going to take this egg. No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. He runs over to the egg. He said, 45 gold. That was the deal. I'll give it to you right now. Okay. Yeah. Don't make us turn around. No mystique with you. And he takes the egg down and he kind of covers it and he turns away a little bit. Don't do that. And you hear a squeaky, squeaky, squeaky. Don't tell me what to do. I already did.

Squeaky, squeaky, squeaky, squeaky. And jingle, jangle, jingle, jangle, jingle. Squeaky, squeaky, squeaky, squeaky. And he puts it back on the shelf and he comes over and he dumps it into like a little bag. He says, all right, here you go. And we're done. We're square. We're clear. That's all. You got it, Dan. Here you go, Billy. Here's 15. Thank you. And Mears goes, we had money. We have expense money. Yeah, but you're in charge of that money. This is our money.

We can do whatever we want with this. All right. And he starts moving out of the way as Lumply, the halfling merchant, saunters into the room because there's two beds. Oh. Nice. Yeah. Lumply goes, what is going on in here? Oh, it's you guys. Yeah, man. How you doing? What's up, Lumply? I'm doing all right. You know how it is. You know how business goes. Business is the way that it is and that's the way that Lumply lives. And he says, oh, hey.

And he ruffles Billy's hair a little bit and he kind of looks at you for a little bit longer. Yeah, what? What's up? What are you looking at? You look different. Oh, is it my mustache? Mustache? I don't have one. But I like to think I do. No, it's not. I don't know. Never mind. Well, anyways, and he sees you like counting the gold coins on the bed and like divvying them up and he goes, oh, Dan. Dan. You pushover. He goes, I tried. And Lumply looks at you like, did he try? Yeah. No, he tried.

Okay. He tried. I mean, I threatened to break everything he owns. I threatened to put these inside of him. You were going to put those inside of him? That's what I think I said. All right. Well, you know, it was nice seeing you. I hope that you didn't take us for too much because we got big plans, big plans, bespoke watch straps. And Dan goes, no, we're not. I don't think we should do that anymore. Well, we'll come up with something. Yeah, you will.

You guys are going to take over this town, the two of you. Yeah. You're going to have your name in lights. Yeah. Anyway, we're going to get out of here. Okay. Thanks for honoring the deal, Dan. Bye. You're a solid man. Good merchant. You know you don't mean that. No. Yeah, for sure not. You're a terrible merchant, but you're a solid guy. So Dan kind of looks at the three of you like, you know what? Thanks for everything. I love you, Dan. Whoa. I don't know where that came from.

Your heart, Billy. Thank you. Okay. Bye, Dan. Bye, everybody. Billy, I love you too. Okay. Whoa. It's a child. You fucking. You fucking. He's a fucking weirdo. And then we, yeah, we just storm out. Yeah. And we scoop Billy up protectively. Thank you. I don't know what he was going to do there. His eyes got wild. I was being platonically kind. Listen, I know what platonic is, and I did not see that in your eyes. All right. Bye, everybody. Bye, Dan. Bye. Bye. Bye. And he closes the door.

And then we grab that love and lust book from the counter guy on the way out. And Tor goes, okay, you know. I'm not done, but I don't think I'm going to finish anyways. Don't worry, Torque. You'll find your dad's. And he looks at you like, thank you. You'll find your dad's too. He already has. And we join hands and walk out. All right. What's the second thing Tuck wanted to take care of? I wanted to go to the security office and search through Shathane's desk.

So you go back to the security office. There's various security officers sitting around. You don't recognize any of them. Hey, what's going on? This is like a middle-aged woman. It's like, hey, what's up? Is anyone knows Shathane? Our boss? Yes. Well, our former boss, I suppose. Who's the number two here? Who's in charge now? That's me right here. What's your name? Tina. Tina what? Tina. Tina. Tina. Durger? Tina Durger. He doesn't turn her, but let's do Durger. Tina Durger. Tina Durger.

Security officer. Yeah, that's me. What's up? What can I do for you? You need some help? Yeah. Shathane gave us these keys before he stayed behind in a different plane of existence. So we're going to rifle through his shit and then we're going to leave them with you. Well, you know what? I have no reason to say no. But Shathane's. Office is now Tina Durger's office. So you can find all of Shathane's things in a box in the hall. Okay. Yeah. We'll go out there. Yep. And there it is.

What's in there? Like a bunch of writing implements and. Cool. Paper. Anything good? Some pictures. I guess there would be a couple things that he'd confiscated. Like what? What are the goods? Roll me a 2D6. What am I rolling with? No, it's just a straight roll. Oh, four. You find a really nice golden filigreed spoon. Wow. Yeah. It's kind of burnished, but it looks really nice. And Billy, your thiefy hands. You get the idea that this is probably worth like around 40 coin. Let's pocket this.

Shathane would want it. Okay. Anything else you want to do? Is there anything else in there that's any good? I mean, it's. It's a box of all his stuff, right? Yeah. So I guess there'd be one more thing. It's probably not going to be as like overtly valuable because you get the idea that anything truly valuable of his would have been skimmed already. What about the pictures? What's in the pictures? It's like there's a woman and she's just like a human woman with kind of light hair.

Can I take the picture? It's a portrait. Sure. I'll take the picture. Yeah. Okay. And yeah. So you can give me another one of those rolls. That's like the D10 and the D6. Tuck, if you want to jam through. I got two sixes. Two sixes, which is a 12. Oh my God. Well, that was a mistake on my part. Finally. Oh, for God's sake. Cool. Okay. So at the very, at the very bottom of the box, sort of in the corner, and it's like in another thing. It was in like a pencil cup. You find. A small. Ring.

Made of a very light colored. Wood. That's been smoothed down and it's got a small arrow carved into it. And then you immediately recognize this as the insignia of the Ranger Corps. That's a Ranger ring. And you know that especially outside the great forest, they are incredibly rare and would be extremely valuable. I will trade you this picture of a woman for it. Deal. But go ahead and roll me 3D6. Can you, can you roll these twice and then one more? Eight. Twelve. Fuck.

All powerful Ranger ring. You think that if you were to find the right person, cause it's a very like, you know, the average Joe is not going to care. But like a collector of that sort. Of object. Would probably pay up to 1200 coins for it. Whoa. We're fucking rich. This is a great find. I like that. Like I've never given you guys treasure really. And now this is just sort of paying off for all the shit you've been through. All the treasure. You look through the box. I think two valuable things.

I think so. Probably good. I, I take the picture of the woman and I press it into my amulet. Oh, I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. While I'm good. And Tina looks at you. Tina kind of gives you like a once up and down. She says, maybe.

And she goes back into the office. And then I trip. You just fall on your ass. But you also hear from the office, Tina go, did you hear that? That was a good line. I am extremely proud of that. And you hear a guy go like, it was pretty good. And yeah, so you, are you heading out? Please. Yes. Okay. Vig's getting antsy in the mall. He's having a conniption fit. Yeah, so 20 days. Later. Wow. That adventure was mind blowing.

Well, so you head out of the High Spear Mall and you travel through the city of High Spear proper, which though you've been in the mall for a while, you've spent no time in the actual city of High Spear. And you see people going up with their lives and you hit one of the main gates. Mears is leading the way. He suggests very earnestly that you maybe get a mount of some kind or a wagon so you don't have to walk for 20 days. Yes. Sure. Yeah, man. Mears, you're in charge. This is your time.

Oh, man. I'll find the mount. Okay. I guess you get the cart. Sure. Yeah. Maggie gave me some money and Mears leaves you two for a while. Billy and Tucker just hanging out like, I don't know, at a cafe or something. Well, we're like flush with money. Yeah. Oh, yeah. What do you do at a cafe when you have cash? Okay. What's in the cafe? It's baked goods of various kinds. Croissant. Yeah. Describe them. There's ones with cheese in them. All right. There's ones with little hot dogs in them.

There's one with like a little, nice mashed potato sort of thing in it. Yeah. There's also danishes. Nope. Can't call them that. Why can't we call it a danish? Because they're from Denmark. Denmark's a direction. Yeah. Fuck. Yeah. Okay. Fine. Danishes. Yeah. I asked the waitress, can I have 12 of the mashed potato croissants and I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. The biggest oat milk that you have steamed, please. The biggest oat milk that you have. It's the size of the other ones. Okay. Is he going to get hammered off that? No. Oat milk is fine. Oat milk. Yeah. But do you have, I lean into her, do you have cow's milk? She looks at you like, yeah. Can I have a very small cup of cow's milk? Like an ounce? Yeah. Just, so is this, would you consider this a feast? Yes. Okay. So a feast costs 15 coins. 15 coins. He does it.

This is exactly what I would have expected. Yeah. So she comes back with like a shit ton of baked goods and she comes back with a big wooden cup of cow's milk as well. Oh my God. This is a shot? Oh, it's milk. You want less? Well, no, I'm fine. Billy is gonna get fucked up. Yeah. Sorry, our cups only come in one size. Okay. If the listeners don't know, halflings get drunk on cows. It's too rich. It's so rich and creamy. That's why they drink oats milk most of the time.

Well, they mostly drink oats milk because they can't reach the cows and it's way easier to milk oats. Because they're just not tall enough. But when they do get some cow's milk, they're just like, oh, party time. Party time. So Billy's going nuts on these croissants and the cow milk. Yeah. And is Tuck just watching this happen? No, I'm somewhere else. What are you doing? I went to the alleyway playing craps. Oh my God. Yeah. You left me alone? I left you with the waitress. Okay.

Technically, I left you with the waitress. So you find some people playing a dice game. Yes. I walk up to them and they're like, hey, what do you want? Get out of here. I was like, hey, I got this. And I open up my hand and there's 15 coin in it. And they all go, whoa. Let's get some fucking business. Come on in. Come on in, pal. Roll the bones. Okay. And I pick up the dice. How does this game work? Simulate everything. Yeah. It's going to be a 2D6. 2D6. And a 7 to 9 is a partial success.

And a 10 is a full success. And a 6 is a failure. So please understand. Hey. I'm betting it all on black. That's five. That's a five. And they go. So you go, I'm betting it all on black. Roll. And they go, red. And they take it away. They take 15 coins. Right. I'm like, a sailor's job is never done. And I salute. I give them a little salute. I walk away and I trip as I leave. And you come back into the cafe and Billy is knee deep in a pile of croissants and drunk, I guess. Oh, yeah.

So what's Billy doing? He's just having a good time. He is living large and in charge. He's feeling loose. He's feeling conversational. I feel like he is saying this to the waitress. He's saying this to the waitress right now. He is. He's feeling loose and in charge and in charge. Yeah. And Tuck, you come back. And Billy's face is covered in milk. Like he's got that milk mustache all around his face. I turn to the waitress. I'm like, did you give him real milk? Yes. He can't handle it.

How am I supposed to know that? You were supposed to be taking care of him. I thought I was. I really, truly thought I was. Don't worry, Janice. I gave milk to a child. Janice? Janice, you did a great, great job. I feel great. Thanks, little guy. No problem. I'm going to assume you can take this from here. I can handle this, Janice. Have a good day. Bye. Bye. And then I turn to Billy. I'm like, did you get so drunk you started narrating your own actions again? Yeah.

And Ving, it's at this point you return with your mount, with the mount that you've acquired. Yeah. Yeah. So Ving comes back with what? Hippopotamus. What? Why not? Um, okay. Is that? No, I'm, hey, whatever. Hey, we're going. It's a hippopotamus covered in hair. It's a hairy hippopotamus. Fantasy world. Sweet. I'm into it. What's it called? A woolly, a wool, woolly pig. Woolly pig. Great. Wow. So it's a big, hairy pig looking thing with a big wide mouth. That's very comfortable in the water.

Yeah. And they love to swim. Which is where we need to go. Great. Yeah. To find a crocodile. And, uh, and Mears shows up shortly after. Wait, wait, did you name? What's it? What's this thing called? Because Mears gave you a little bit of money to get a mount. So that's covered. Also, he had the best temperament out of all the mounts I talked to. Sweet. Yeah. Um, what's his name? Um, Francis. Francis. Francis, the woolly pig.

And, uh, Mears is walking down the street and you see behind him being pulled by two, uh, strapping youths, uh, is the absolute shittiest cart you've ever seen in your life. It's like, it's big enough for all of you and your stuff. Uh, but it looks like it might fall apart at any moment. And Mears goes, I, I really over lent to Ving on the mount. And, uh, this is what we got. Sorry, guys. Oh, it's great. All right. Well, let's, let's mount up.

And they strapped Francis into the cart and, and you load up Billy's wasted, uh, Mears is already stressed at having to lead this expedition and he's driving. He's got the reins to Francis in his hand and he, so Mears takes the cart on the Westward road and he looks at all it and he says, okay, buckle in. Cause this first part's going to be a little rough. If we're going to make it through the fire field principality, we're going to want to beat the monsoons.

And he whips Francis and starts heading down the road. Thanks for listening, everybody. This has been Spout Lore. I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara with me as always playing Tacoma dome, the barbarian, Abdul Aziz. So long, everybody playing fat Billy, the halfling thief, Jessica tie. Uh, good night, everyone. And playing Ving, the half elf druid, Paul offers. Goodbye. Thanks to West Lord, our technical producer.

Thanks to Aaron Reed of Vancouver's Sunday service for our amazing intro and outro music. Thanks to Gavin at input cowork in the NIMO BC for our wonderful recording space for this evening. And thanks to you for listening. Have a great night, everybody. While it's night here. Bye bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. And so ends the tale of adventures three who tried the best they can. Though dumb and scared and lost they be for times abreast in revelry.

And though our journey may be like a conclusion, we will not leave you without a resume. We will return next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores. And for you, I gladly spell dawn.

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape, and wields a spear with great might Billy's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends, and listen close For the tale's about to start Hey, what's going on everybody?

It's me, Sean O'Hara. And welcome to Spout Lore. I'm your Game Master. We're going to be continuing our game of Dungeon World today with me as always Playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian, Abdul Aziz. Hello everybody. Playing Ving, no last name. Paul Oppers. Ah, it's like Sting. Playing Fat Billy the Halfling Thief, Jessica Tai. Hi everyone. When last we left our heroes, the journey had begun.

After returning from the spirit world and meeting back up with Maggie Cole and the Menders organization, they had a loosely affiliated guild of sorts. They had agreed to continue their task of delivering Perel the Wizard's wardstone box to a place called the Vault. Some companions were left behind, such as Wicker the Cat, no longer with us.

And instead, now traveling with them, I assume in an attempt to have some sort of accountability, Mears Foulsmith, a newly minted Mender and stressed out teen. There was some shopping happened, and you are now in the possession of a huge hippopotamus sized shaggy pig thing that Ving has said is named Francis, and a cart, and you are on your way to the Firefields Principality. How's everybody feeling? I don't know, like I'm happy. I'm feeling happy that my friend is not dead anymore.

And we're, I, but also I feel a sense of loss. Because… Because we were gone for three months, so there's a lot that we missed. Right, yeah, you found out that upon your return, three months have apparently passed. I've, yeah, I think we missed the season finale of the Lone Tree Hill Players. The, they do that serialized teen drama about a group of teens playing basketball. I thought it was lacrosse. What's basketball again? Um, it's, uh…

You try, you have a bunch of baskets on the end of sticks, and you try, and you get, and you get a little ball in there, and then you try and hit, get it into a net at the end of a field. Lacrosse is when you dribble a bigger ball and try to get it into nets. Lacrosse is French, uh, is a French cooking competition where you make hot cross buns. But yeah, that's sort of where we start.

Mears, uh, is guiding the cart that you all find yourself in, and said that, If you're going to make it to the vault in time, if you're going to travel through the fire fields, you need to get there before the monsoons. Oh, yeah, we want to do that. You're leaving Highspear. Okay. You're traveling down the road and, you know, you pass the road that you know would take you back to Bullrush Village and the relative peace and safety that you found for a few days.

And I get out of the cart when we're passing that road. Oh, and yeah, Mears hauls on the reins and goes, ah, what's the holdup? What's going on? I'm like, I just have to do a pensive look down this road for a bit. So I just, I grab a handful of dirt and I'm like, I let it blow in the wind. I'm like, wait, what was her name? Oh, my God. Allaki. It was Allaki, yeah. I'm like, Allaki. Mears turns back and goes, does he do this a lot? No, I've never seen that before.

I've never seen it with the dirt. I mean, he says women's names all the time, but I've never seen the dirt thing. And then you just get back in the cart? Well, I go up to these guys. I'm like, how did that one look? It looked weird. I mean, there was no wind, so the dirt just fell on the ground. I mean, she didn't die. It looked like you were picking up where you knew her ashes were. Okay. Well, we'll go and try it one more time. And I just, I go back up and I, this time. Kneel. I kneel.

He's coaching me from far away. Kneel. Okay, I kneel. I come up too. Okay. And I start blowing. Like as the wind? Okay, yeah. Because the air is very still. Yeah, it's pretty still. So Billy's just walking around a kneeling tuck? Yeah. He's going. And he's doing the thing where he's waving his arms and pretending to be wind. That's really good wind, Billy. Blow, Billy, blow. They're spit everywhere. And as that's happening, I grab another handful of dirt and I'm like, one day.

This time I say one day. And I look at Ving for approval or coaching. And I say, now. And then I blow into my fist. And as he blows it, Ving runs up behind and gobs as much of the dirt as it comes to his mouth and then just runs down the road with it, throwing it up in the air. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Yeah, there's like every once in a while, somebody will walk by with like a hand cart. It's like, hello. Hi, we're in the middle of something. Yeah, people are giving you a pretty wide berth. Cool.

Because you're still pretty close to the city gate. And it's a pretty big city. Yeah. Well, sometimes we'll like turn back and be like, how did that one look? We'll all ask, but now we're all invested in it now. Yeah. And you hear from high up on the city wall, you see a guard go, pretty good. It looks pretty good. On a scale of one to 10 of pensiveness. Oh, like easily eight, maybe nine. Oh, we all high five. What are your criticisms? It's mostly technical, but I'd say you've got the feeling.

Okay, cool. We did it. Yeah. I turned to mirrors. I'm like, how long was it? He looks up at the sun and he measures with his hand against the horizon in the sunlight. Squints, says, I have no idea. Just get back in the cart. We should go. Okay. And he whips Francis, the woolly pig who gives a like. Do not whip Francis. No, it was like a, it was like a, yeah, you know. You'll be pulling the cart before I'm through with you. If you keep this up. Francis, could we go now, please? And he reaches.

He goes forward with his foot and prods the back of the. Hey. I'm just, I'm willing to take alternative ideas. Have you thought of ants asking Francis how he feels today? Or if he's thirsty or if he's hungry or if he needs to have a nap. Or if he's a he at all. Or I, yeah, maybe she's a she or they. He holds the reins out to you. I take them and I drive the pig. Mirrors. Watch this. Oh, Francis, may we please? My lady. And then clip, clop. So Francis, the woolly pig just lets out a.

And then starts clomping down the road. And then being hangs the reins back to beers. And beers just holds them in one hand and just lets, lets the pig do its thing. And yeah, over the next five days or so, it's fairly simple going. You camp at the side of the road when you need to. You stop at roadhouses here and there. What do they look like? This is like a nice area of the principality. Because from Bull Rush to High Spirits, a lot of rolling plains and river valleys.

But the mountain range that High Spirits are part of, the Cypress Mountains, continues on from east to west. And eventually breaks off into like another smaller range of mountains. And the trees start to get denser. And there's more pines and oaks and sort of other coniferous trees that start to get dense. So there's copses of trees that turn into small forests.

And you can see in the distance, the far, far distance, you can see the wall of pine forest that marks the edge of the firefields principality. So there's a lot of nice old wooden roadhouses or small villages in the distance around trees that look like lumber camps. You can smell like the smell of wood smoke all the time. Yeah, there's a point where it's just wood fires all the time. There's cedar in the air. And the road is like wooden planks in places.

And there's also some spots where it's like. There's like wooden bricks that have just been bricked up on this pretty nicely maintained road. Are we passing any people as we go? It gets lighter in this direction. You don't know if it's time of year, although Mears did mention like monsoons. So you think that maybe around this time of year, people don't travel as much because they just don't want to get caught in the rain. This is sort of a period of downtime and reflection.

Like there's a lot of time for you to think about your different things. And there's… Billy's just sleeping the whole time. No, it's so boring for Billy. He hates to reflect. Okay, so here's the thing that happens a lot for Billy. Perel appears before you a lot in this time frame. Because if you remember during your visit to the High Spirit Mall, he's able to sort of enter this state of your mind where everything else has slowed down or stopped.

And he can sort of have extended conversations with you. And he wants to talk about all the magic stuff that happened in the spirit world. And the fact that your crystals have crumbled into just like a hand. A handful of light blue gravel. And he's trying to teach you about magic. Something that you… That Billy took from… Because you and I have talked about this. Jessica and Sean have talked about this a little bit.

But after the planting of Gary, the Gary Oak tree in the forest, Billy remembered something about his past. What did he remember? Do you remember? No. What did he remember? What did I remember? That you remember the spot in your mind. In your memory that Perel has appeared to you before. The tree that you're sitting at the base of is a Gary Oak tree. Yes. But as we have established, Gary is the first Gary Oak tree. Oh. Yes. You remembered the future. Oh my God.

Or the weird screwed up nature of time and space post-Exodus. Maybe the past. Do you think that tree was Gary? I think it might have been. Oh. Cute. But that also with Billy's… He's informing from Perel that Billy is not quite a halfling child. Yeah. He's a little fairy boy. He's a little fairy boy. And that tree, as we've talked about, Billy remembers. What? What? Nothing? What do you mean? I laughed because Wes laughed. Oh, at little fairy boy? Grow up, Wes.

Oh, you're a little fairy boy, aren't you? You just like being a fairy boy with your tutus and your creamsicles. Your pants are so tight. You were short, short. Creamsicles. Creamsicles. Creamsicles? Enjoy lollies. Oh, man. So. But yeah. So what were you thinking Billy's relationship with this tree was? All right. So what I was thinking for Billo is that he is born from the woods. He was found at that tree at his age. Yeah. He's always been that age. He was just born fully formed, basically.

Yeah. Yeah. And he was found by the original William, who was a farmer at the time. William was a nice man. He farmed. He farmed. Root vegetables? Oh, yeah. Yeah, potatoes. Yep. As everyone did. Farmed potatoes and grains. Grains. Short grains. Now you get specific. So William took little Billy in as his own. And he was pretty nice to him. But William was an old farmer. And he left him in the care of his other children, William Jr. And his wife. And Billy doesn't really know him.

And Billy doesn't really remember all of them. But many subsequent Williams, like regular William, Skinny Bill, Hungry Bill, Big Bill, Small Bill. Wait. Did William name all of his kids and grandkids Bill? There's just not a lot of names. Halflings are pretty unimaginative. There's just a lot of Williams and Willys and Billys and Billows. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's so funny. That's why you're denoted to be Fat Billy. Yeah. So Fat Billy. Anyway. Yeah.

So Billy's remembered this part of his past as part of his childhood and his heritage. So he was born of the Gary O. Yeah. And a lot of people didn't like Billy because they were like, we've never seen this weird child. His hair is a strange color. He does weird things. Let's lock him up. Let's treat him like a piece of shit. Yeah. He's like an orange piece of shit. Yeah. Let's treat him like the little fairy boy that he is. Yeah. Oh, it didn't help that he wore like such tight pants.

I mean, also because he was so fat. All the pants just ended up being tight. All of the pants that halflings make are the exact same size because all halflings are the same size. And they were just like, this fat little fuck doesn't fit in our pants. We hate him for it. That's why they didn't like him. Because it was annoying. Yeah. And also because he burned down so many grain silos by accident.

And that actually factors into what Perel is talking to you about because he, in a many drawn out, extremely boring, like thaumaturgic, like academic lectures. Yes. He does realize partway through that he's been trying to force a way of magical thinking on you. Yes. But now with the knowledge that you're a fairy, he's like, okay, this might explain, why the crystals have crumbled. Because you were basically trying to force your magical energy through a tool that you can't use.

So while it was amplifying your magical ability, it was also destroying the structure of the crystal at the same time. God, speak English or whatever. That was the plainest I could have made. Speak common. Speak common. Common, please. That was absolutely. That was absolutely the simplest way I could have said that. No. Okay. Imagine you were trying to hammer a nail with a spoon. I have done this. Yes. How did it go? Pretty good, actually. Oh, I don't believe you.

It was a small nail and a big spoon. It went in. It did the job. Yeah. This is when we learned that Billy has, on several occasions, stolen hammers and used them to drink soups. That's the real trick. You think hammering a nail with a spoon is hard? Try drinking soup with a hammer. You guys think Billy uses utensils? Crazy. That's the trick right there.

But the takeaway from all of Perel's magical lecturing is, and he's getting real, like, over the days, he's getting really, like, stressed out about it. And his magical projection of himself from the box, he's, like, loosened his robe a little bit. He's got, like, some short pants underneath. And, like, basically. He's got short pants? He's underneath his robe. Yeah. And he's basically got, like, a polo shirt. Not, like, mid-thigh. You know, like, casual. He's got capris on? Basically.

What the fuck is going on with this? And he's just, like, he's got his. One day, he's got his hands on his hips and his robe's kind of open. And you can see his, like, casual wear underneath. And you don't know why his magical projection is doing this. You think that now, since he's been separated from this, like, dark part of himself for so long, he's, like, getting more comfortable with how he used to be. So every once in a while, you'll see him, like, with glasses on.

And he'll just have, like, these little reading glasses on the end of his nose. Like, what are we doing wrong? What are we doing wrong? You have the ability. What are we doing wrong? I like that he's just, like, becoming more and more, like, a distraught substitute teacher. Where he's just, like. I'm going to get through to these kids. He's just, like, when do I have to wheel out the TV and play Shrek?

At some point, he has to break down and be like, okay, today we're just going to watch a movie. Yes! But the takeaway of this, basically, is that he. He does eventually help you channel this sort of natural fairy magic that you have. And Billy learns to replicate a simple trick. What trick has Billy learned to replicate? Guys, what should I. Food. You just did it. A food thing? Something Billy centered. It's got to be something associated with, like, your appetites.

Because that's the thing about, like, the fae. They're driven entirely by desire, right? Is that true? Yeah. What are we doing right now, Sean? Is it? Are we not improv? Are we not creating the world that we are in? Is there a guidebook? But are we letting Jessica speak or are we directing it forward? No, no, no. I am explaining something to Jessica about something that she knows about. It is very important that she listens to me. Yeah. I call it correct-splaining.

Happy International Women's Day, everybody. Happy International Women's Day. Abdullah's shirt is open. He's wearing a wife beater underneath. And he calls it a wife beater. Okay. All right. I'll throw out an idea. No, no, no. I want to hear it. I asked you guys. Yeah. I just wanted to make sure that we were doing a back and forth. So, in other books that I've read, the fae are driven entirely by desire.

So, it's like all of the magic that they do is, like, it has to be in service to their desire. So, like, Billy's desire is rooted entirely in, like, satiating his appetite. So, that's why. That's how I would. Yeah. Yeah. Tactile pleasures. That's so legit. Yeah. Oh, and tactile. Like, soft. Yeah. The kid is soft and comfortable. Wicker. Yeah. Wicker. Also soft. Yeah. Yeah. Wearing around a raccoon skin. Ooh. Soft. Mm-hmm. So, I've. So, I talked to.

Like, you and I have talked about this, Jessica. And one of the things that you think that fairies are really good at is switching things. Uh-huh. So, is this maybe Billy has learned to, like, switch the materials of small things? Fuck yes. Okay. Yes. So. So, this will be very small scale to start. Okay. It just will be. I had so much. All right. No. Okay. No. Okay. What were you going to say? No. Just go there. I was like. Who's correct-splaining now? Okay. Sean. It's me.

I'm the correct-splainer. I've been the correct-splainer all along. I was going to. This is too big. No. But I was like. I could pick, like, little weeds and then they turn into tasty foods. Croissants. Croissants. A leaf becomes little mini croissants. It's all croissants. That's funny. Ving does the opposite. Yeah. Ving. Yeah. He just, like, he goes into a bakery. He just eats a jar full of. Nettles. Seriously. Kale. Chard. Rutabaga. Rutabaga. Rutabaga. So that totally makes sense. So you.

Billy can, like, pick a weed and make it taste like a different thing. Yeah. He can pick poison berries and they turn into little raspberries. Yeah. That's great. Awesome. So. Oh, I have another idea. Every bed that Billy sleeps in, like, when he wakes up is like. If you touch it, it's like all of a sudden, like, the softest, most comfortable thing. It's like. Almost like. It's an involuntary response where he changes his. His environment. To be more comfortable. Oh, I like that a lot. Yeah.

That's really cool. Yeah. That's really good. And that's why you should always listen to me. Yeah. The correct explainer. The man. A 30-year-old man. But when you figure that out, like, you turn. Yeah. It might be that you pick a weed one day and you make it taste like a new thing. A nib. Like a nib? Yeah. Like a candy. Like a licorice nib. Yeah. Yeah. That is a fun thing where we're just, like, walking down the road and Billy's like, try this one. We're just like, whoa. What flavor is this?

It tastes so good. It's pudding. Oh, Billy Wonka. My dreams. The day you figure that out, like, the day Billy does it for the first time, you're in one of those, like, mental, like, Professor X sort of Perel spaces where he's frozen everything else for a little bit. And he is so excited. Yeah. He, like, pulls a. You can see it in his short pants. Yeah. You can see how excited he is. They're quivering. Quivering short pants. But he pulls out a notebook and immediately starts writing it.

Like, this is incredible. Yeah. Even in my lifetime, I've never observed magic quite like this. So, so instinctual. So interesting. Yes. And then I let out a huge fart. And the time starts moving again. But as time is moving, he's, like, moving forward. He sighs a little bit when you fart, of course. And he gets down on one knee and he looks at you and he says, I am very proud of you, Billy. Thank you. And he disappears. Okay. That's nice. Yeah. And so we'll go to Tuck next.

Tuck, you have a new axe that has been basically created by three rock spirits that you had a very close, friendly bond with in the spirit world. Mm-hmm. Larry, Terry, and Chad. Yeah. When you came through with that axe, one Sweet Caroline, the orc mender, was like, that is extremely dope. Like, that is a very cool axe. Yeah. And. It looks. Because it was created in the spirit world. So it was created, like, partially from, like, my expectations and what was in my head when being created it.

Mm-hmm. And it is based on the artwork on an album cover. Oh, yeah. Okay. That makes sense. Which is why Sweet Caroline loved it so much. Yeah. Because Tuck and Caroline have very similar tastes in music. Yeah, totally. They're both into metal. Yeah. It was off the album. Uh. Uh. Uh. Roadhouse. It has a young Patrick Swayze on it in a monster truck. And he's holding. Back up. Back up. Fuck. Um. Yeah. It's. It's a Ferns in the Water album. Oh, yeah. Called Roadhouse. Yeah.

And it's a picture of Patrick Swayze on it. Um. Great. And, yeah. So Cartwin, as somebody that has a great deal of experience with the spirit world, was just stunned by this axe. Yeah. Yeah. Because, like, she's heard of spirits taking residence in items. But this, like, union of Ving's direction of the spirits and their, like, melding with a physical item is something that she hadn't seen before.

So over these few days, Tuck has a lot of time to sort of get to know this new weapon and how it interacts with the material world. And so, yeah. What has Tuck learned? So this is what it is. Okay. So I. The degree to which I know how to use this magic item is dependent on how good I am at communing with the spirits. Yeah. Totally. Which is something that I have no fucking clue how to do. So at the beginning, it's, like, a very rough tool.

It's just, like, I use it to, like, kind of stone spirit nature to smash other things that have stone or stone in them. Yeah. Very effectively. Yeah. That's awesome. And Ving's telling you to listen to the axe and you don't know what that means. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Totally. Yeah. And then later on, I can use it to, like, manipulate the other elements that are in the stone. Maybe to a degree that it's, like, the axe doesn't even have to, like, smash them. Yeah.

But it, like, it'll be, like, it'll give me, if I can commune through it with the other elements, it'll give me, like, an element of spirit talker or whatever world. Yeah. For sure. World, like, where you can, like. Communicate with spirits. Like, or manipulate other things. Totally. So. And then you find out that the axe is your father. Yeah. Cool. Yeah. That's great, then. And it's just a narrative thing. Yeah. Like, it's just, it's good at destroying stone. Yeah. I imagine it.

I imagine a scene where he's, like, trying to, like, figure out how to use it. And he keeps hurting himself because he's got so many sharp edges. Yeah. And I imagine, like, Ving would have to help. Like, Ving sees me in a clearing, like, trying to whip it all over the place. Yeah. Handle first, bud. And I'm like. Like, so I hold it by the handle instead of by the blade. Like an idiot. Okay. But, yeah. I imagine it would be, like, Ving.

That would be, like, this is how you kind of, like, clear your mind and commune with the spirits inside. Yeah. So, okay. So, there's a night where you're camped on the side of the road, sort of in a small copse of pine trees. And Mears has made a little campfire. And he's ripped open a bunch of ration packets. And you see he's got, like, some dried meats. And, like, vegetables and stuff like that. And he's cooking, like, on the campfire. And it seems like he's a pretty good cook, actually.

He's making this little meal. Thank God. He's got oils and spices and stuff that he, like, pulls out of a bag. Yeah. And he's just making this, like, really nice sort of rice with vegetables. And, Billy, I can see Jessica's eyes. She just whines into the mic. Like, what kind of spices are you talking? I'm just right over his shoulder. Yeah. And I'm like, oh, yeah. When's that going to be ready? It's like, oh, it should be. It should just be ready. Real quick.

But throughout the cooking process, he's, like, giving Billy a little bit here and there. He, like, cuts up an onion and, like, gives Billy some onion. And cuts up some dried beef and gives Billy some dried beef. And this is happening. Billy and Mears are cooking a meal together over the campfire. It's such a cute thing. Yeah. And just outside the cops, there's, like, a more open grassy area. And Tuck and Ving are out there with Tuck's new axe. Yeah. Shh. You hear that? I hear wind.

What else do you hear? I hear Billy eating. Listen inside your head. I hear guns and roses. I hear G and F and R. Yeah. I hear a sweet metal riff. The axe is trying to say things to you. And I can hear it in the music. Picture Larry, Terry, and Chad. Talk to them now. And I can't. I'm imagining them in my head as, like, the kind of, like, fused version of them. And I'm, like, trying to think things at them. But I can only hear, like, guitar riffs coming back at me. Just go with it.

Let the music go. Just go where it wants to go. That's the way that the axe is talking to you. So I pick up the axe. And I, like, listen to the music. And as, like, kind of the riff, like, extends up. Yeah. Yeah. Do it again. I, like, I take it and I, like, smash through, like, a rock that's protruding from the ground. And it, like, obliterates it. Yeah. It's just this huge, like, whoo. And it just explodes. It just explodes. It's into, like, chunks of rock and stone. Cool.

He's, like, that was easy. Yeah. That was great. I'm great at this. That was great. I don't need to learn anything else. And then Vic's, like, wait, wait. There's more. I'm, like, no. I don't need to know anything. This is so cool. Hey, Billy. I run off. I run off. I'm going to show Billy. I'm going to show him. Hey. I was sitting on that rock. Billy just goes rolling across the ground. I'm okay, but I lost all my food. I go and I scoop him up. And I take him over to Mir's. I'm, like.

We have to give Billy more food. I accidentally. Yeah. And Mir scoops out some more of whatever he was making. And you just have the rest of the night is, like, very nice. Yeah. And Ving, over this course of time, you have some time to reflect on your time in the spirit world and what that has done to you. So, how do you think this, like, extended stay in the spirit realm has affected Ving, who is, like, so connected to spirits and stuff like that, that it is, like, his whole life? Yeah.

Well, it is a rebirth. It is a death and a rebirth. So, he's changed. And that's part of the name dropping. And he's watching Billy, like, Tuck and Billy, like, romp around. And Tuck's, like, pretending to play guitar in his axe. And Billy's, like, eating hairs out of his beard. And you're, like, it tastes like spaghetti. And he's just, like, really there in the soft glow. And Mir's is mixing up his food. And he's. Just full of love and for the family. And he's. All that anger before from his.

What he was on a mission for. To get a bunch of money. To. He was. He was trying to. He was trying to raise. To get an army. A mercenary's army. Whoa. Whoa. He was trying to go after his dad. Whoa. Who is a high-ranking ranger. And. He was. He was trying to build an army. And he didn't know what that meant. Or how to do. Go about that. But he's feeling now. In this life. In this new life. He's feeling some of that anger go. And some of that attachment go. Which is why also he's feeling.

He has been feeling guilty about turning into the spirits. He's been feeling like. Like he can't manipulate. The spirit of things. And he feels really bad. He still has a. The. The. The look on the eagle's face. When he snubbed him. Mm-hmm. Uh. Um. And just everybody. He doesn't want to. Use. I don't know. Spirits anymore like that. Yeah. So. So how does. Like what does that mean for. Bing. Like does Bing not want to shapeshift anymore. I don't think he knows what that means right yet. Right.

Okay. Um. He knows that he can't. Make. Things. So he's going to have to try and find. Find a spirit that is willing to. Give and take. He needs to repair that relationship. Oh. So maybe it means that he doesn't just. Just chain into whatever he wants. But he will find. Uh. He will settle. Into a few different forms. Whoa. Okay. So has. Bing been spending time like. More. Like time sort of casting his mind. To the spirit world. To sort of. Connect.

Or is he trying to find something in the material plane? I think the thing is that he is trying to find. Yeah. Something more in the material plane. And he. He is. A part of him still walks in the spirit plane. Like he was. He was there for a long time. Also. This whole time. In the quiet. Moments. He's been. He's been contemplating. The crystals of his hands. Mm-hmm. And. I would like him to be able to manipulate that. And shape shift. Oh. Crystals as. What is it? Yeah. So. Over the.

The days that you've been traveling. Mm-hmm. At night. Yeah. He's just. Taking some time to meditate. And try and manipulate the crystals in his hands. And you do find a way to. Do like a low level. Of shape shifting. Mm-hmm. A more. Like specific method of shape shifting. So you can. Extend the crystals. Turning them into claws. Or you can make them take different shapes. That are useful. Mm-hmm. Uh. It hurts. Like knives of stabbing weapons. Yeah. Exactly. But it hurts. Quite a lot. Yeah.

Cause it's like. Integrated into your flesh. Gross. Um. It's not like you're turning your flesh. From one thing to the other. You're basically. Forcing these. Yeah. Shards. That are in your body. Uh. Into different like. Offensive shapes. Cool. Uh. Which is tight as hell. Snickety. Snickety. And so. Are you saying that. Ving is trying to find like. An animal. That would be willing to. Lend its shapes to him sometime. Or something like that. Yeah. Totally. I think it's moving from.

Like a shapeshifter. Of a bunch of different stuff. Into more of a spirit animal. Kind of situation. Okay. Spirit. So what do you mean? Can you elaborate? Just so I know. Oh. Just like. So it's something that's. Is his essence. And it's a give and take. And. Right. He lends something to this animal too. Maybe. I don't know. So it's like. Instead of just like. In it being. A casual. Spiritual relationship. Yeah. Where he kind of like. Like. Send missives. Later. You up. At like 2 a.m. Yeah.

And then. I need you for a fight. And then. And then you sneak out. The next morning. Of their. Of their spirit form. Yeah. This is one that you're going to move in. With. We're still open though. Yeah. No. I'm free. I'm free to see any spirits I want. Yeah. So it is a spirit. Just don't want to. It's a specific spirit. Is what we're talking about. Yeah. Okay. Sure. Well. Is that what you want? I don't. Yes. Of course. For now. The fuck I know what I want. Or is it like. Or is it like.

Now I get. Like you have access to the move. Animal companion. And you have like. I would love. To come upon an animal. And companion it. Okay. So. That is something we can do. Like we can. For Billy. He also wants. He's feeling. Yeah. Like Billy needs a bud. And a wicker's gone. I guess it could be like a thing. Where you like. Kind of like. Put a call out. And be like. Yeah. What answers it. Yeah. You're just waiting for a familiar to show up. I like that. Yeah.

I like that he's putting out these like. He's putting out these calls of. It's part of the meditation. So what do we think answers? I don't know yet. Don't know yet. No. Nothing yet. Nothing yet. All right. No. It's going to take a bit. We'll talk about this later. So just every night. There's these like spiritual waves going out. Out of his crystal things. Oh yeah. Yeah. Oh I like that. Cool as hell. Smashes them against the axe. Uses the axe. Does it become the sort of thing where.

Now that Ving is putting out this nightly call. To whatever animal. Wants to join forces. Like every time a deer wanders into a clearing. Yeah. Ving just makes eye contact. Like. Yeah. Does it you? Yeah. Yeah. I like it. It's like he wants it too bad. You know what I mean? Yeah. That's why it's not going to happen now. Yeah. He's looking for love in all the places. Yeah. You know like when you're single. And you walk into a bar. And you're like. Which one of these ladies is going to be my wife?

Yeah. Yeah. But in the world of animals. Yeah. Wherever he goes. Every living thing. Yeah. Great. So yeah. That's sort of where Ving's at. Is he's learned to manipulate the crystals in his hands. Into weapons. Which is some cool ass Wolverine stuff. And he's also put out the call to an animal. Rad. Okay. That's great. I'm very interested to see where that goes. And so it's on this like fifth. Sixth day of traveling. After you've all sort of made these pretty huge revelations.

That you start seeing. The clouds on the horizon. Getting darker. And the sky is just getting. More intimidating. As it just becomes this like dark storm gray. And every morning now. Mirrors is looking up like. Oh man. The rains can happen at any time. We should put the tarp on the wagon today. Like he's being a real. Wet blanket. Worry wart. Yeah. Yeah. So at this point. I'm going to ask you all to make an. Undertake a perilous journey role. We're in the. Kind of on the border of the firefield.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's 2d6 plus wisdom. And you pick. Remember you. The three of you pick a role. Pathfinder. Trailblazer. Quartermaster. I'll do trailblazer. Okay. I'll be quartermaster. What's the other one? The scout. Yeah. I'll take that. All right. Whoa. I got 11. Holy hell. Wow. Whoa. 10. Five. Five. What was. What was yours again? Oh, six. Sorry. I got it. No. No. Six is still a failure. I know. I mean, I got the math right. Eventually. Yeah.

So take a point of experience from failing. And you were quartermaster. Yeah. So we all starved to death. Yeah. Everybody starves. It's weird that mirrors isn't doing all of these. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. I start like sitting in the back eating crackers. Yeah. This is his job. Pick up the slack, mirrors. Yeah. Mirrors is driving the wagon. Francis is driving the wagon. Yeah. Mirrors hasn't done much in the last. Other than cook. He's been cooking a lot. I got saffron. Fuck. Who cares? Yeah.

I care. That is what he's doing. Mirrors. Like. We're. Walking alongside the cart. And we see like. A fucking. Mountain of clouds in the sky up here. Like. Out of nowhere. We're like. Holy shit. And mirrors is like. Out in a fucking glade. Picking saffron. For dinner. You almost never find this in the wild. Yeah. So we cut to mirrors. While we're staring down the storm. And what does he do? He's. Yeah. He's picking. He's under a tree. Picking saffron. Like. Wow. You never find this.

Especially this time of year. And he's like. Shoving it into a little pouch that he has. And the pouch is like. Hanging off. The strings are hanging off. One of his. Like. Off his hook hand. And he's just shoving saffron into it. He's like. Oh. This is. You're gonna love this. He's talking to himself. Well. He's. Yeah. Cause he's not close by. Yeah. No. He's saying. You're gonna love this. Mirrors. And he turns around. He goes. You're gonna love this. Everybody. And. And he's telling himself.

He's like. This is. Mirrors is lucky day. Yeah. It's. What else is he saying? Or singing to himself? Yeah. Yeah. Pie. Yeah. Yeah. Music. Pie. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Pie. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's what the quartermaster failure is. Is. Cause. Scout. Succeeded. Unmitigated. What does a scout do? So a scout is. So on a 10 plus. You get the drop. On any potential threats. So Billy's a good scout. Cause he's what?

Cause he's got his hands up to his face. Like he's. Looking through binoculars. I'm scouting. He brings his. He brings his hands down. And there's like black circles. Cause we. Vig and I as a prank. Just put. We noticed that he's doing that. Put charcoal on his. So we put charcoal on his index finger and thumb. He'll look like a robber. So now he looks like an actual raccoon. Yeah. And the trailblazer. Reduces the amount of time to reach the destination. Okay. Which is great. But quartermaster.

With a failure. Means that. That you use up way more food. Than you were supposed to. And it's because. Mears gets so excited. About a saffron. That every night. He's cooking way more. Than he should be. So it's just like. Every day you're going. Through the food. Like this. Can't be right. And you realize. That Mears is used up. Like a week's worth of food. Like in the last three days. Everything's jumbled up. But it's been. It's been six days. Right. Yeah. But in the last three days.

Since he found the paella. Like over. And the rains have started. The paella. Yeah. Yeah. He made a paella. Because he found like. That there was some dried seafood. Well he's like. I had to make a paella. I brought a paella pan. Yeah. And I opened the. The dried shrimp. And we had to cook all of it. Because the paella. I can't. I knew the proportions. For a big thing of paella. I didn't know how to like. Change the fractions. To make it a smaller portion. So I had to cook all of it.

I am so supportive of it. And Billy. Is manipulating him. Oh. This is your fault. Yeah. Billy's looking at a pile of shrimp. Like. I don't think that's going to be enough. You should put another andouille in there. Yeah. Yeah. What's. What's Billy been doing to mirrors? Yeah. He's been opening all the shrimp bags. And he's like. Look. I found. More. And that I've been mysteriously opened. I think. It's Francis. Billy's using Francis as a fall guy. Well. Billy chatted with Francis. And he's like.

I'll take the heat. If anything serious happens. But I gotta have like. Some sort of. Scalpel. Heat coat. And Francis is not responding. To any of this. Francis is just chewing on a mouthful of grass. Like. Francis looks me in the eyes. And I assume. That means he agrees. And I'm like. We're in this together. My friend. And I put out my fist. For a fist bump. And. He doesn't do anything. It just bumps into his snout. Yeah. Big woolly snout. Yeah. And he gives a. Yeah. Woohoo.

I also think it makes sense. Because usually Ving's in charge. Because he's like. A forger dude. Yeah. But he's just been. Looking at his hands for days. And looking at. Like all the. All the bugs and birds around. He's very distracted. Yeah. Like. It's kind of like. We're all fucking with Mears. Yeah. That's true. The result is that. We ran out of food. Yeah. Mears' big first. Like solo mission. And he's already fucking it up. And you're helping him. Fuck it up. Yeah. Yeah. Great.

So that's been happening. And the rain started. A couple days ago. But it was pretty light. Like. Tuck your. Keeping an eye on things. To the point where. Shockingly. In between. Fucking with Mears. You're keeping things. Pretty well on track. And. You. You're like. Making good time. So. You have. Gone pretty deep. Into the fire fields. Like you're a few days. Into the territory. And the forests have gotten really dense. And the rain's been really light. So you haven't been like. Trapped.

In the rain yet. But you realize that you're. Really running out of food. Like you realize that this is not. A great. Time. So you have some time to figure out. What you want to do. Before it gets really bad. Yeah. Yeah. And part of the reason. Why. We've made such good time. Is because. Every. Every once in a while. I'll put. Francis on my back. And I'll pull the cart. Francis is easily. A thousand pounds. Wow. I'm strong. Whoa. How much do you think. Tuck can lift? Two thousand pounds. Yeah.

Okay. Well there we go. How much does Tuck weigh? We've said three hundred. But I realize that's seven feet tall. And is like comically large. As Tuck is three. Seven feet tall. Like five feet wide. Yeah. Three hundred is way too light. Yeah. He definitely weighs. Like seven hundred pounds. Oh my god. What a monster person. Yeah. Um. Yeah. How do you even fit. In the shitty cart. That you have? You don't. I kind of just walk. Beside it. And I drag it. Some of the time. That's true.

And Francis happily walks. Along beside you. While you're doing that. And sometimes I. Yeah. It's the. We're all having conversations. With this pig. Where I'm just like. Hey are you tired? And I take that. As tacit. Agreement. That he's tired. We're all putting a lot. Into this pig. Like. We're all having. Into this weird. Huge hippo pig. We. So here's the thing. Is we all. Have all just gone through. A really fucked up situation. And we're using the pig. As a therapist. Basically.

Where we're talking. At him. And then. He's just grunting. Back at us. And we're just like. I never thought about it. Like that before. You're so wise. Wise beyond your years. And then we try. And pay him back. By being like. You know. Like. Well. I'll take over for a bit. Because you've been so helpful. And then he's getting in. And eating a bunch of shrimp. He is. Because I'm feeding it to him. And also. I sneak him. Lots of bowls of paella. We have been. Wasting food. Yeah. That. Like. Crazy.

The failure is that. None of you had the good. Fucking sense. To use the food. That you had. Wisely. Even Mears. Who's like. On the clock. Like this is a job. Yeah. And Mears was just like. No. I'm going to just stretch. My culinary muscles. Yeah. Yeah. We're all implicit. He's trying to impress us. Yeah. Well. You've all been very impressed. With like. You know what? This might be a good opportunity. For you to. Like all the characters. To have a discussion. About what you want to do.

Because you realize. That like. You're running out of food. And you sort of get to. You know. Like the. The. The area. When you get into. Goldstream Park. And it's like. Mulchy earth. And there's like. Trees on the edge. But it's kind of wide. But you're still in the woods. You get to a thing like that. And there's a small. There's a small lake. In the trees. And. Tuck has been pulling the wagon. For. For a few hours. And Francis sees the lake. And goes like. And just. Wades. Into the water.

And you realize. That obviously like. Being a weird. Hippo pig thing. This is what Francis is like. Made to do. So. Francis. Wades into the water. And starts like. Floating around. Like a hippo. Like. Eyes just above the water. Bubbles coming out. And just like. Eating. Sea. Grasses. And stuff like that. Having a grand old time. Wow. Do we have to pay for parking? No. It's free. It's the off season. So it's not like. Goldstream Park then? It's monsoon season. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly.

And it's raining pretty good. But like. A comfortable amount. There's like. Mountains in the distance. And Francis is waiting around. And Ving. You've realized that the food. Has reached like. A critical mass. Like there's not enough. To keep going. Because Mears says that it's still. Like probably two days. To the vault. If he's reading. The maps correctly. Which he might not be. It's really up in the air. Mears is like. They made me like. The weird thing about the Menders.

Is they don't really like. To write stuff down. So Maggie kind of. Drilled me on this. And he's been using the maps. As tamale wrappers. He's just like. Well you just got it. The ink in the. In the. In the map. Really. Really. Lends it a flavor. But yeah. He's like. I'm pretty sure. That I remember where it is. And I'm pretty sure. It'll take like. Two or three more days. Holy shit. All right. Let's see. Let's scout this out. Throw me up a tree. Somebody. He also has a map. I pick him up.

And I'm like. And I. Just chuck me. I like. I. Identify the tallest tree. And I like. Underhand. Easy lob. Up there. So you can like. Perch. And Billy. You see. You land. A good distance. Up this tree. You're looking out over. Like around the edge. Of this lake. With your binocular hands. And. And. You're like. Are you doing it again? I can see so well. I can see so far. You guys. Oh my God. It's so beautiful. I can see the ocean. From here. Billy can see the ocean. Whoa. I.

I can't smell it though. I can see it. It's so blue. Oh yeah. So we've talked about. How the. The fire fields are to the west. Which means their coast. Like it has a coastline. And the coast. Is the sea of graves. Oh. So. Far. Far. Far in the distance. Billy. Can see. Small. Shapes. Wow. Individually spaced. In this far off ocean. The pillars. Yeah. In the sea of graves. Really? Yeah. Okay. Fine. All I see is a coastline. And some. A rocky. Building. Looking thing. But like really far away.

That's impressive. For this. For this boy. Yeah. It's because of his binoculars. But. Because he's fundamentally. Warping. The nature of reality. Around him. Um. Yeah. Maybe his hands actually do kind of. Yes. I think that's. It is. It is. Absolutely. Like when Billy. Because it's. Because Billy's a child. Yeah. So when he plays. He's like. Oh. This. Games become real. Yeah. Yeah. That's pretty fun. And it's like a minor enough thing. That it just makes him see like. A little bit better.

And we were always making fun of him for. Yeah. He said he could see the sea of graves. Oh shit. There they are. Oh fuck. He was right. Yeah. And there's gotta be a moment when he's like. No. Seriously. Look. And then he lifts his hands. This works. Oh my god. And then our eyes are. Got black rings really. And he's like. Motherfuckers. Gotcha. So as the scout though. Billy sees any trouble. Quick enough. To let everybody know. Before it's a problem. So what does.

Do you think Billy sees something. Sort of in the trees. In the trees. Yeah. Any potential trouble. Or is it like. The storm is coming. Like the monsoon's about to get really bad. He sees. A big pillar of smoke. Oh. Yeah. Could be good. Could be bad. Yeah. So yeah. You know. You don't have a lot of food. But sort of. On the other side of the like. Like far away. Like down the coast of the lake. You see. A pillar of smoke. Rising up out of the trees. Well it's. To the smoke. Head over there.

Yeah. Okay. And then so you. You just like. Call Francis back out of the lake. Yeah. And head off to the smoke. That's on you. Oh Francis. Darling. We're going. There's smoke up ahead. Francis. Right. And you could talk. To fucking animals. Can't you? I can fucking talk to animals. What does Francis sound like? Yeah. Francis is like. Coming. Darling. Yeah. Francis is like. Right away. I'll be up in just a moment. There's a particularly. Dense batch of grass. Here. I'd like to consume first.

Good boy. Yes you are. Very good boy. Aren't you Francis? Thank you old sport. Thank you. And then. Head dips under the water. You're like. I guess I start pulling the cart. Yeah. And then. And then. Yeah. Francis does follow. Eventually. And you head off into the woods. And you. Find a trail. That leads you. To. A gap in the trees. And you see that. Trees here and there. Are cut down. In the woods. And you hear like. Banging sounds. And smoke. And voices. And the. The trees part. A tiny bit.

On the trail. And there's like. A nice wooden. Gate. Sort of thing. It's not. It's like a. Like a gate with no door. I don't. Are those still called gates? It's like a. A trellis. Yeah. Kind of. Like a ranch. It's like. A log on either side of the trail. That goes up about like. Eight feet. And then a log across the top. That's been. Sanded down in one spot. And carved into the wood. It says pine wood. And behind. There's a collection of buildings. And there are. This is. There's a.

There's a village here. Hey guys. It's a logging town. Yeah. Hey guys. It's called pine wood. Nice. And so you enter the village of pine wood. And people sort of look at you. With. Trepidation. As they see. This like. Like. Massive. Man. With a huge. Scary. Magic. Looking axe. On his back. A weird. Wild haired. Elf. Looking dude. With some. Crystal claws. And a tiny boy. His face just. Covered. In charcoal. Riding. We've been. We've been doing this gag. For a week. Yeah. And it's just.

And Billy has not. Washed. Every time. He falls asleep. We take more charcoal. From the fire. And we put it all over his leg. And it's been. Starting to. We're starting to get concerned. Like. Does he. Never look at his hands? It's like. Yeah. At this point. We're like. How has he not. Fucking realized. It's like a research project. That he is. Basically in black face. No. No. But it has. It has. Like. Without his consent. It's. It's been raining though. But he hasn't washed. So it is like.

Streaky. Like. He looks crazy. Looks like Heath Ledger. Keeps getting in my eyes. And I wipe it. But just like. Puts more charcoal on there. Yeah. And. There's this like. Gangly teen. With a sword. And a hook. And a cloak. And. And paella pans. And stuff. Yeah. He looks like. Fucking Samwise Gamgee. I'm realizing. Like his. His pack is mostly. Cooking utensils. And also Guy Fieri. Yeah. Totally. He's got like. Bleach blonde hair. We've never. From this side. We've never established.

What color hair he has. Bleach blonde. Crazy spiky hair. Okay. Yeah. He's got. But he's got. Super saiyan. Yeah. And it's like. He might style it. But that also just might be. What his hair looks like. Yeah. Like he can't get it. To stay down. And then this. Massive woolly pig. Wanders in. The village behind it. With spots. And people. They see this like. Crazy. Group of people. Come into town. And everybody's like. Talking excitedly. They're like. Oh wow. Oh wow. They're here.

What do they sound like? Oh man. Let's do a new weird voice. Oh. A new accent. New accent. Yeah. Hello there. We've already done the British. No. I'm. Billy's doing. So you're just on the side. Like. Hello. Yeah. I want to make a good impression. Yeah. Totally. Hello there. What. What is your name sir? Tuck and I are like. Wow. Billy. That was amazing. Thank you. We do like. Small applause. In the background. Because. He's like our son. We're giving him. As much positive reinforcement.

For everything he does. Nice job. Like way too much. Yeah. He's going to be a problem. And. Child. He. Somebody. Like. So Billy says. What's your name sir? And this guy. He's got like. Mutton chops. That go into a big mustache. And it's like red. Like red mustache. Into big sideburn mutton chops. And. And big shaggy red hair. He's like a pretty strapping. Tan skinned. Kind of guy. And he runs up. And he's like. Oh. Thank the forester. You've arrived. Ha. You must have. You must. You must. And.

Like people are gathering up. Behind this guy. And he's like. My name's Merbo. What? Sorry. What? Merbo. Huh? M. Y. R. B. U. So just one R? Just the one R. Uh. Tuck is genuinely laughing. At this guy's accent. And he's like. Oh. We've been waiting. Weeks and weeks. For somebody to finally. Answer our notice. We called for warriors. And warriors have arrived. Where? I mean. Oh. Uh. Where? Why is Billy doing this? He's trying to impress them. I. At this point. Oh. Like. Vic and I have to like.

Be like. Okay. Like. It's one thing to do. An accent. To try and impress somebody. But trying to. Like. Do someone else's accent. While they're there. It's a little rude. It's kind of. Billy is so embarrassed. And. And. As you're talking about this. Murbels are like. Oh. I do not mind. This is. This is an auspicious day. For the town of Finewood. And he turns around. And he says. Our problems. Are finally over. And everybody cheers. And mirrors. Looks at all of you. And he's like. I don't think.

This is in the schedule. And that's where we're going to end it for this week. I have been your game master. Sean O'Hara. With me. As always. Play. Tacoma Dome. The Barbarian. Abdul Aziz. Goodbye. Everybody. Playing Ving. The Half Elf Druid. Paul Oppers. See you. Playing Fat Billy. The Halfling Thief. Jessica Tai. See you everybody. Sorry for the accent. I am not sorry for the accent. That's going to be a lot of fun for me. Yeah. That's funny. Thank you to Mark and MP.

For letting us come back to their house. Even though nobody's here. And record. And thanks to Wes and Abdul. For making all of the technical stuff happen. Thank you. And thanks to Aaron Reed. For our amazing intro and outro music. Thank you to you for listening. And everybody on Twitter and stuff. That sends us fan art. If you like weird fun drawings. Of Spout Lore stuff. Just follow us on Twitter. At Spout Lore. Or join the Spout Lore fan group. Yeah. There's a fan group. On Facebook.

That I apparently joined at some point. So I very vainly joined the fan group. For my own podcast. I thought we had to join. Well we're all part of the fan group. Well actually. I have not joined the fan group. You made the fan group. No I didn't. I have not joined. But I do creep it a lot. Well I'm a part of the fucking fan group. It's really gratifying. To see all of like. Yeah. Everything that the fans have done. It's pretty great. Yeah. Check us out on social media.

Give us a review on iTunes. If you feel like it. And we'll see you next time. Bye bye. And so ends the tale of adventures three. Who tried their best they can. Though dumb. And scared. And lost they be. For time's abreast in revelry. And though our journey may be like a conclusion. We will not leave you without a resolution. Return next week to hear some more. Whilst you commute. Or do you. Your chores. And for you. I gladly. Spelt.

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape, and wields a spear with great might Peely's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends, and listen close For the tale's about to start Welcome to Spout Lore everybody!

When last we left our heroes, a lot had happened They had traveled from the city of Highspear through the rest of the Highspear principality Over the borders of the Firefields Learning about themselves, learning about each other, and learning about an axe that Tuck has now Smashes rocks, real good Yeah, it's getting pretty intense And being offered to teach me more about what it does And I said that smashing rocks was good enough for me It sings Yeah, smashing rocks though Yeah, it's still smashing rocks It's a lot of work It's a lot of work It's a lot of work It's a lot of work It's a lot of work them into weapons and stuff.

Shaped like a throwing star, but he can't leave his hand. I mean, you could probably snap it off, but it probably hurt a lot. Billy had a bit of a revelatory experience on his own where he realized where he came from and that he is, in fact, a fairly old fairy boy instead of a halfling child. Yes. It's true. And he has learned to harness his innate fairy magic to make things taste like other things. Yeah, that's about it. Walk by a rock. I think we already discussed this.

Looks like a rock, tastes like a cookie. Eat the rock. Don't eat rocks, Billy. Put the rock down, Billy. Lick it and put it down. Stop eating rocks. If you have to taste it, taste it, but don't eat the rock. Just swallowing pebbles all the way to this town. It's a problem that we've been dealing with. It's like when parents have to deal with a kid who eats too much paste. And then we're having conversations where we're just like, I don't understand why he keeps doing it.

And then we start fighting because I think that any amount of paste is too much paste, but you still let him have some paste. I mean, he can take some rocks, but it's getting unmanageable at this point. I say no rocks. He seems to be digesting them in some fashion. No, they come out whole. Yeah, you weren't… We've had to help him through some rough shits. He's a wizard, not a gizzard. Pretty good. Pretty good. You're a gizzard, Harry. Jesus.

And you had spent some quality time with Mears, who has been traveling with you. Mears has learned that he loves cooking on the road and in doing so has blown through weeks worth of rations. In his defense, it was also us goading him. Come on. Into making better and better food. He was an orphan growing up, so he's making up for all the food he didn't get to eat as a kid. Mears? He has a dad. You met his dad. His mom's a piece of shit, though. But she's not dead. I know, but he thinks they are.

No, he doesn't. He says it all the time. That's his excuse. We're like, we met your dad. I'm an orphan. I never had. Yeah, he's trying to fit in with the three of us because we're orphans. Yeah, except Bing also has a dad. He told you that. Yeah, but he's a piece of shit. Fuck my dad. At least my mom never fucked my dad. Maybe that's what orphan means in this world. If you just don't like your parents, you're an orphan. Yeah, you can orphan from your parents.

And I guess Billy technically has a dad. It's a tree. That was not clear to me last time. He's a piece of shit, though. Billy still thinks he has parents. Yeah, because he's had successive generations of surrogate parents. No, wait. I think he would like that to happen, but I think he knows. He's from the tree. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. So he's trying to come to terms with this memory. Like, try and make sense of it. Yeah. His quest for family has always been a quest for people family.

It's a tree family. Yeah. Yeah. He wants to relate. Yeah, because he tried playing and having a catch with a tree, and it didn't work. Didn't work. It's just him throwing a baseball against a tree. Standing in front of a tree waiting for him to throw it back all day. Come on. Come on. Throw it. Then he waddles up and picks it up again and waddles back. Yeah. And that's how William found him. Throwing a baseball at a tree. I bought you a glove. Kid, what are you doing? Just take me home. Okay.

And that ended with the three of you and Mears and Francis, the woolly pig hippo thing, arriving at the village of Pinewood. And the rains have started, right? Yeah. The rains have begun. So monsoon season is upon us. Yes. The monsoons have arrived. That's the name of a pretty good metal album. The monsoons have arrived? Yeah. Yeah. It was the first album of a group called The Monsoons. Ooh. They broke up right after the album came out.

But every once in a while in the wet season, they come back. Yeah. And they get everyone pretty wet. You fucking know it. And so when you arrived in the town of Pinewood. Jessica, laugh into the mic when I say something funny. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Don't want to be loud. Laugh into the mic so everybody knows the joke I made was received well. Yeah. There's too many times that I make jokes that I hear Jessica laughing very quietly. And I'm like, fuck, I can't boost this enough. Fine, fine, fine.

Okay, I'll laugh more to make you feel better about your jokes. Oh, Abdul seems so sad underneath the brevity. You know, you can just take her laughter from elsewhere. Oh, yeah. Chopping. Chopping some other laugh. So every time Abdul makes a joke, it's the same laugh. Just ha, ha, ha. Cuts off abruptly. You arrived in the village of Pinewood on the shore of a lake. And you were greeted as heroes and warriors as you had apparently, accidentally, unknowingly answered a call that the town put out.

The person that greeted you, Merbo, was thrilled that the warriors that they'd called for had arrived. And the town's problems were now over. It was like an open call for warriors. Yes. So they just put out a bunch of mails to a bunch of towns for a bunch of warriors? Well, we can get right into it. Yeah. Here we are. So we… And what… Wait, before we get into it. What does Pinewood look like? It is nestled in the trees.

Like, there's a few open areas, but a lot of buildings are built next to or under the canopy. So there's a lot of wood buildings. It's fairly spread out. Like, once you looked around Pinewood, you're like, oh, this town's a lot bigger than I thought it was. It's just really spread out. Oh. Yeah. It's like a provincial campsite. There's a little camp, like, picnic table. Wasn't this, like, Goldstream Park? Yes. Yeah. I've imagined this is sort of like the…

Because I describe a lot of stuff as Goldstream Park. One communal toilet. Yeah. Nobody can shit. There's one campsite next to that toilet, which is the one that you always end up getting. Yeah. Yeah. If you're late. I've had that one before. Yeah. You were late. Yeah. There's a pretty wide variety of, like, dwelling. There are large wooden and stone buildings all the way down to just sort of, like, lean twos that are up against trees. Yeah. You can walk forward a little bit after you arrive.

Is there a wall around the camp? Sorry. There's a lake on one side. Is it like a tree fort? Yeah. Like, there's whittled sticks. Yeah. Yeah. It's a palisade. It's a wooden palisade. Like a fort. Like a bunch of just trees that have been cut down and put side by side. Yep. Pretty much. Like the colonists. The colonialists. Are you talking about, like… In Pocahontas? You know, like, welcome to Jamestown, Virginia. She's thinking about Pocahontas. I am. Okay. Jamestown in Pocahontas.

Virginia Company. Yeah. Why are you doing an Indian accent? I'm not. And I mean, like, India. Indian. I thought I was doing a British accent. That one's British. Okay. British India. Yeah. It does… Like, the one border of the town is the lakeshore. Like, it does go down to the lake, and then the palisade goes off into the woods and encloses an area. And there are a bunch of people here. They were all very excited when they heard that the warriors had finally arrived, and Merbo took you into…

A large building near the center of town that you get is sort of, like, town hall sort of vibe. And there are so many people. They're, like, clapping you on the back. They're like, oh, finally. Finally, our problems are over. And they're all so excited. There's, like… Somebody starts playing a flute. It's just great. Everybody's psyched. They're handing us flute. Except for… They're not psyched about the flute guy. Yeah. Everyone's just like, fuck. Yeah.

There's a dude with a huge wooden flute, and he's just like… And you can see the people next to him. Yeah. And he's just like… He's the only one with dreadlocks? It's a pan flute. And they have that really… Oh, but, like, really long, so he demands a lot of room in the space he's in. He has, like, a pan flute with, like, 200 different things. And he's holding it like this. It takes him so long. His arms are, like, ripped, because he has to move the flute really fast to play.

He has so many lip slivers. Just red and bloody. Or they're just calloused. He's got two leathery lips. He's on a slack line as he's doing it. Yeah. And when he's not playing the flute, he just devil sticks. Jessica, into the mic. I am. Don't yell at me. No. So, Merbo takes you into Town Hall, and as he's walking in, it's a beautifully made place. Like, there's a lot of really nice woodwork. It's very solidly made. There's a lot of fine…

Some cool, like, designs carved on the outside and inside. Oh, wow. You're… The crown moldings in here are nice. Oh! I like how you've used the burls in the wood and followed the natural curls. It's beautiful. Oh, Pinewood prides itself on the fine woodworkers that we have in the village. All of the buildings here have been built by the same family, and they have a fine tradition of carpentry and architecture. Oh, nice. Which family? He says, yeah.

The Burl family's been building buildings in Pinewood for generations. Is that you guys, or what? No, I'm not a Burl. What's your last name? Merlewood? Burl? Merbo? Merblewood? Fenning. Merbo Fenning. Fine family. My brother and I, we've been the headmen of Pinewood for 20 years. Are there, like, paintings or anything inside the… It's all carvings. What are the carvings of? The previous heads people of the town. Oh. Pinewood. Some scenes of significant events.

There's one of a dude just, like, punching out a horse. Whoa. Yeah. I like this one. I run over to it. What is this? Oh, that's a fine day in Pinewood's history. One day, a horse came into town and got all uppity, and the brother of the mayor, Tegbig Foreman, just punched him right in the snout. Was it a talking horse? Yes. It was very disrespectful in other ways. Whoa. What ways? He just had a way about him. Oh, yeah. You ever seen a horse and you've just been like, God, this piece of shit?

Yeah. No. Sure. Oh. Yeah, totally. What is happening here? Oh, a lot of things. Anyways, come along. We've been waiting for weeks and weeks and weeks for the warriors to arrive, and now everything is going to be… All right. And he takes you through the town hall. Guys, how far are we going to go with this? All the way? All the way. Yeah. And Mears is following behind like, I really don't know if we should be taking this much time. Shut up, Mears. Shut the fuck up, Mears.

This is how you adventure. First of all, lower your stupid voice. Hey. I feel like I'm speaking the quietest out of all four of us. Mears. Mears. Shut up. Mears. Okay, now you're all whispering. Mears. Look at us in the eyes. All of us at the same time. Look at me in the eyes, Mears. His eyes are darting between all three of us. All three of you frantically. Good. Now shut your mouth. Yeah. We have no food, thanks to you mostly. The monsoons are coming and we have no shelter. Yeah.

Mears, you fucking idiot. Monsoons are coming. We ran out of food because of you and us, but you. And also, this is how you fucking adventure. It's like, you run out of shit, you plan poorly, and then you take a random job that fulfills the narrative requirements of your current quest. And you… You put 100% of your trust in a stranger that you don't know at all, and you let them bring you deep into their township, and anything could happen. And you accept it. Yeah.

If we hadn't done that in fucking Mudlark, we wouldn't have ever met you. You would have had two hands. Think of this cool claw that you got because we went with the flow. Oh, yeah. Thank you so much. Thank you for kicking off a series of events which led to me losing my hand. I really appreciate it. You're welcome. Yeah, you're welcome. Sigh. He sighs really hard, and he just gestures for you to continue. Oh, yeah. We follow Murbo. Yeah.

Murbo takes you into a series of rooms off the side of the town hall. There's a big office, and there's a man sitting behind a desk that looks a lot like Murbo, but instead of red hair, he has black hair, and he's got a full beard instead of the mutton chops, and he's a little bit heavier. He looks like a kind of dude that spends a lot of his time sitting, and he's hunched over the desk, and he's counting coins. And he's making marks on different pieces of paper and stuff.

And he looks up, and he looks at Murbo and says, Hey, what's this? What's all this that you're bringing into my office? I got work to do, you piece of shite. And he goes, Yildim, these are the warriors we sent for. They've arrived. And he goes, Oh, okay. And he sort of takes you all in. Like, it's sort of like a progression. His, oh, and then goes down as he's like, oh, he sees Tuck, and he's like, hell, yeah. He sees Ving, and he's like, okay. He sees Billy, and he goes, what?

And then he sees Mears, and he goes, no way. You can see all that happen in his eyes. Are we sure that these are the people that are best suited to solve our problem? The big one, for sure. But that's a child, and that's a teenage boy. Hey, I'm 35 years old, you piece of shit. Who the hell is this guy getting off? You would have said you were over 100 years old. You're not 35. Hey. You look like an old 35. Biologically, yeah, yeah, totally. You're about an elf 35, a temporal 120 or something.

That's not bad. I can't remember what it is. Oh, no, that's Dan. Dan's like in his early 120s. Oh, yeah, we never specified your age. Because you're half elf. Don't look at my purse. Give me that. Don't look at my ID. Are you carrying around a purse now? The whole time. Wow. It's one of my flaps. Yeah, he's got a lot of satchels. I love your style. Mm-hmm. I love it. It used to be very popular in the early 2000s. The more I listen to the show, the more I realize that Paul says flaps so much.

Yeah, me too. And no one has ever asked him to clarify. Jessica does off mic a lot. It's pouches, right? Like you're saying that you have a lot of pouches. Yeah, and also just like pieces of hides. Yeah, that you keep stuff in, right? Yeah, some of them. And I remember you said that some of them were colorful. Some of them were colorful, yeah. Are some of them for warmth? Yeah, some of them are, yes. I asked for clarification and I honestly didn't get it. No, you won't. You wouldn't, would you?

The more information that I got, the more confused I was. How is it more confusing? He's just got a bunch of layers on and then some purses and pockets and pouches. And then some of them are just general flaps. Yeah. Yeah, totally. It's like skin tags. Different like furred hides. Yeah, skin tags. Yeah. Wonderful. Ears. So yeah, Yulium pushes some paper. Yeah. Yeah.

And he like steeples his hands on his desk and he goes, All right, well, if you're the warriors, take a seat and I'll give you the rundown. Have we been having this argument in front of them? About the flaps? No, that was out of character. No, about Finn's age. Oh, I guess, yeah. Yeah. You are not 35. You're not 35. I'm 25. If you're 35, something's wrong with me. Yeah, and he just says, Take a seat and we'll go over the situation. Okay. I turn one around. I said it. I said on it backwards.

It like, no problem takes your weight. And then, it's beautiful. But like, because my legs are spread so far. Yeah. My dick falls out. Because I have a loincloth. I've switched it back into the loincloth. It's not like a diaper anymore? Well, no, it's, what? It's never been a diaper. Yeah, it was. What the fuck? Because you, because the- Because water kept splashing up on your undercarriage. And so you put a flap underneath your nuts. I gave you a flap to keep your nuts dry.

But- Wait, so when you said you changed back into the loincloth? Because I had cut the elf armor into daisy dukes. Oh, I assumed that was done long ago. No, it was the whole spirit world I was wearing daisy dukes. I think, yeah. I think it is something like you all sit down. Well, Ving, or Tuck at least, sits down and gets his dick out. Do you all take a seat as well? Yeah. Yeah. I just sit on the floor though. I can't reach a chair. Yeah. Do you try and struggle up? Yeah. I like hold on to it.

But it's almost like if I were, like me as a human were to try, like get on top of the fridge. Like I clearly cannot. So I give up, but like really coolly. Like, like who cares? I'm not embarrassed. I'm fine. Great. And he, yeah, he- Mears sits on my lap. Mears looks around, but there are, he realizes there are only three chairs. And he's like- And then Ving's looking at him and he goes like this. Pats his lap. And he sits on your lap. And yeah, Yulium takes you all in.

He looks at Billy and Ving and Mears with some recognition. He's like, okay, that's a halfling. Ving is gently rocking Mears like, you know, like a, like a pony ride. I mean, sure. Yeah. And he sees like a boy that is very clearly from the principalities. He sees an elf. He's seen elves before. And then he looks at Tuck, this like hulking man. Tuck gives him a thumbs up. Yeah. Like, and the fact that you're wearing a loincloth and it's monsoon season and you seem unaffected.

He's like, you seem like you're from parts unknown to me. Yeah. I'm from McCall. Ever heard of it? Oh, I've read of McCall. A fine land from all reports. And also impressive that you can read. I also can read. And then to show, to show him that I can read, I look at a book and I'm like, it's a book. He turns and looks at his bookshelf, which is like, he actually does have like a significant amount of books in here. Yeah. This is maybe the most books I've ever seen.

Wait, so this is the most books you've ever seen? No. There's the, but it's the most books I've ever seen outside of the Maragani Library in McCall. Yeah. Tell me about, so there's a big library in McCall that Tuck's familiar with? Yeah. Every time, uh, like a, a trading, uh, crew or a merchant, uh, caravan would come and, uh, come into McCall.

One of the rules at the port is that, uh, or at all of the ports of entry is that you have to surrender all of your original texts and then the scribes at the library copy them out and they give you the copies and all the original stay. It's like an Alexandria thing. Yeah. Yeah. Which was problematic because of how many fires the library had. So that's why they do it every year. Yeah. So many, so many original texts have been destroyed. It was, it was really a tragedy. Yeah.

That sustained over decades. Man, I like that a lot. Yeah. So that's what Tuck's mind wanders to, uh, when he's looking at Yuliam's bookshelves and you realize that he's been talking for a while. Oh no. And what he was saying to you two was, uh, and Mears was what the situation is. So basically what the problem is, is, uh, Pinewood is a logging town primarily. The, like the majority of their economy is based on, uh, cutting and selling timber to Blackglass and the surrounding towns.

Blackglass being the capital of the Firefields Principality. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, within the last couple months, they saved up a bunch of money and they bought a steam powered tree feller from the city to like up their output. And it was going great. They were like, this is awesome. We can cut down so many trees and we're making so much money. And then, uh, they lost a team of lumberjacks.

Something in the woods took them or they're just, they haven't been seen in a long time and they sent more people out to try and deal with it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's a problem. There's a problem.

And taxes are coming soon, and they know that they're not going to be able to pay the tax people in Black Glass for this tax season, and they're worried about what that might mean, and they sent out a call to the city for warriors, and now you've arrived. It took a while, but you're here. Well, that's the situation. We've lost a number of timber jacks, and our tree fellers out there in the woods somewhere, and we need it back.

We need to start cutting timber at the rate that we were before if we're to pay taxes. So you want us to find your chainsaws and your people? That's it. So you can pay your taxes? We want to make sure that we can start working the way that we used to and the way we have for generations, cutting wood. Guys, I don't know if this is the adventure for us. Well, I mean, I turn to Mirz, and I'm like, how far are we away, Daze, from the vault? His eyes sort of glass over as he's trying to remember.

He pulls out his crumpled little map from the side of his backpack. A bunch of saffron. Falls out. Yeah, there's like beans and shit hitting the ground. And he's like, uh, uh. Twelve suppers. Three days? Four days? So when's Maggie expecting us there? Twenty days was what we agreed on. It's been a week. So we have like 13 days. Technically, we have time. Billy, what do you think, bud? Billy fell asleep. Wake up, Billy. Billy, wake up. Sorry. Hey, darling. Billy, wake up.

So Billy puffs up his chest and wipes the sleep from his eyes. And he's like, you know, I once had a position as mayor in a- His eyebrows go up. No, this is great. I want you to monologue. Well, I was once a mayor of a fine town such as this, and I wave around my hand. And perhaps- What? We could work together, mayor to mayor. And my colleagues, I wave to. And we wave also. Bowing. Mears waves. Yeah. Awkwardly. And my colleagues will help as well for price. Oh, well, yes, there is.

There is a reward. That is why we sent out the call for warriors. Of course. Oh, yeah. We would not expect. We would not expect anyone to risk life and limb for nothing. Could you remind me what the reward is? Of course. And he waves his hand over to the side of the room. And he says, a beautiful handcrafted armoire in bed frame. Made by the Beryl family. Priceless. Billy, get him to double it. There's this big, beautiful, like, cedar armoire.

It's, like, carved around the top with nice, like, a nice wolf motif. And there's a bed frame next to it. It's really nice. Get us money and food. You know, the problem is, is that we don't have a permanent residence that could house such fine craftsmanship. Go, Billy. It is a remarkable piece. And, but I don't think we could do it justice. I think, perhaps, would you consider smaller? Crafted wood things. And some money. And some food. I like that Billy's strutting around it.

And he's, like, really, like, mayoral and puffed up. And he's, like, remarkable piece. Beautiful line. Rides his hand along it. And he's, like, amazing craftsmanship. And he's just making up words. And he's, like, I like the scribbles inside. Maleficent knobhead. I say all those things. Yeah, totally. He furrows his brow a little bit. And he says, you are aware of the potential value of such a piece. We are not. Oh, fuck me. Well, what is he, what are we talking here?

Well, you know, without the stability of having our industry available, we can't confirm that we'd be able to pay you any significant sum until it's been returned. But I'm willing to make a deal. Yes. So, provided, what is your fee? That depends. What is your most valuable object? Ving says, puts his hands together. What would you consider the most valuable thing you own? What's the best thing you got? And if you could tell me about the security measures associated with it.

If it was such an object, I would appreciate it. And glance to it now. Is it in the room? Are we near it? Hmm. What do we think? Well, I mean, the tree feller is probably really pricey. Oh, God. The tree feller. Yeah. I am the tree feller. Hoity-toity-toity. Boing, boing, boing. I want to see the steam power tree feller at some point on this side quest. I mean, let's think about it. Because, I mean. Let's talk about this together. What sort of thing would you guys be interested?

What would they say yes to? I was 100% going to let Billy negotiate the deal for us. Yeah, okay, Billy. No, I don't know, though. Which is like, I love that Billy was asleep and then he woke up and he was like, Well, I was mayor of a tent. And he just like dropped into this character that is not Billy. And he's just like, Oh, he's going for it. Okay, cool. Let's let him. He's got the reins now. Let's see where he rides his pony. And I like that we're like. Got a little slack job looking at him.

We have almost like a. Yeah. Free range parenting model. Yeah, totally. We absolutely do. So we're just like, you know what? This is going to be the project for these next few days. You guys are like Montessori parents. Teachable moment. Yeah. All right. So. I also forgot I still have all those black rings around my face. Right. But that have like run down because of the rain. You look psychotic. So as you're touching the thing and going. He's like, beautiful. I actually don't. And it's like.

It's just smearing. Wet. All right. Well, if you're not interested in the arm water in the bed frame, what fear would you like? It's not that I'm not interested in this remarkable, stunning piece of furniture. It's just we have nowhere to put it. And. And again, you know, it deserves so much more than what we could provide. I. Estimate. It's worth roughly 500 gold coins. He like coughs into his cup like, oh, I don't know about that. Sorry. Let's. Let me recalculate this. 200.

It's such a fine piece. Yeah. It's so fine. I would have. I would have thought at least 250 gold coins. And Billy looks over at us and we're like giving him the thumbs up. Yeah. Good job, Billy. Let's see. I like this, like making bigger. One of us is going bigger and the other one's going smaller. And I'm just like, yeah, OK. We're not giving any good advice. You're going to have to roll a parlay, I think. Sure. So the basically the your leverage is so it's put to the six plus charisma.

And the leverage is that you will help them, you know, because it's like, you know, we're interested in this, but you got to give us what we want. All right. Two to six plus charisma. I got four. Four. You got four. Four. I'm so sorry. Shit. OK, so you get a point of experience. Can we? Oh, no. Can we roll again? No. OK. Yeah. He basically says, like, as I said, he's not like mad or anything. He's just like, as I said, our industry is all but dried up.

This is sort of what we're able to offer at this juncture to any potential warriors that want to help. I can't give you any more. As he's saying that, I like gesture to Billy like. I'm like, ask for some like a cool thing instead, like a token or something that we can carry. Also food from one mayor to another. Perhaps I can cut a deal that will work for both of us. My party and I require food. And perhaps in exchange for this armoire, you could provide us with a really cool token of some sort.

Right. Something very cool. Billy does the hand motions that Tuck and Bing were doing. Yeah. He looks like he's tugging hard at like a long shaft. Jesus. He keeps nodding and he's watching you do this. Like, what is this? They're shaking his head. No. But he's thinking like, oh, well, we did have something, a little something planned for any warriors that did eventually.

So we cannot offer you any more for your fee, but we would be happy to offer you room and board and a little, shall we say, revelry. Should you agree to help us? I love revelry. How about two revelries? Yeah. Yeah. A revelry before and a revelry for when it's all rubbed up. Yeah. We could do that. Billy puffs himself up. None of us know what a revelry is, obviously. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Desk like, all right, this is a fine thing. And Marble's like, wonderful. And I'm like, let's shake on it. And then we do our three-way handshake that we do all the time. So the three of you are shaking on it. And Gilliam's just watching you and letting you do it. And then Mears. Mears. And Marble strides up and shoves his hand into the middle. And he puts his big mitt over all of your hands. And he's like, all right, so tomorrow you'll go out into the woods.

But tonight we rubber tree. Rubber, rubber tree. And he storms out. And we get a little montage of people setting stuff up. Because they're laying out a little feast for y'all. Oh, my God. And so the rains have started. It's raining pretty bad outside. But they have a sort of undercover, like a big, wide pavilion area that's like, you know what? Like Goldstream Park. He's obsessed. It honestly is the only frame of reference that keeps making sense to me. But they have those, like, big roofs.

With, like, the pillars. And it's just picnic tables underneath. It's a big one of those. And they set up different walls and stuff to make sure that, like, everybody's out of the rain. But they bring out roast meats and delicious foods and casks of, like, ale and liquor and stuff like that. And there's just a fucking party. They're so excited that you're all here. They're so excited that you're going to help.

And through the rains, you can see that, like, the clouds will break every once in a while in the distance. And you can see the moon is becoming more. And you can see the moon is becoming more. And you can start seeing the edge just through the trees of smaller celestial bodies that are sort of trailing near the moon. And you see the edge of the coronet. The broken moon. The broken moon is starting to come over the horizon. It's still pretty far away.

And it'll be a while before the coronet is fully visible. It's a weird sight for everybody. Like, everyone that looks in the distance of the coronet, when you can see it, their eyes catch for, like, just a second longer than it usually would. Because it's like, man, yeah, that's back. It's a broken-ass moon. Like, no one's seen that in a long, long time. And these people have been seeing it for the last three months, right? It's been… It's still coming into the sky.

Like, it's like you see chunks of it, like, the edge of it. And you're like, oh, wow, yeah, that's weird. But as the days go by, more and more makes itself visible. Oh. But there's a party. Nobody's really worried about that. So there's music and there's food. And just outside this pavilion area, you pass on the way. There's a large stump that's very visible in the sort of middle area of town. It's got a crude… The crude shape of an axe carved into it.

And there's a bunch of hatchets and axes of various sizes, like, smacked into the top and side of this stump. What is it? You can gauge from the things that you've seen in your travels that it's a shrine to the forester. Like, of the innumerable patrons, the forester. Can we do a… Spout Lore? Yeah. Yeah, you can do a Spout Lore. Who wants to do a Spout Lore? Jessica has two cookies in her hand. Oh, wait, no, one of them is dice. Cookies and it's multitasking. Plus intelligence. Five?

You have zero intelligence? Can we aid? Oh, yeah. No, because she's got five. So you'd have to be able to bump it up. What if we both aid? You can't. You ask that every time. Why, though? Because those are the rules. I hate this. So what… Happens when Billy tries to learn about this? You just… I go up and I'm touching all the carvings of the axe. And I'm, like, sticking my fingers in everything because I can't really read. Uh-huh. Okay. There is a…

A brusque older woman that, like, kind of hustles up to you as you're messing with… And you're, like, pulling on axes and stuff like that. And you, like, tug one out of the side. And she comes up. She goes, Hey, you little… You little pest. You can't mess with… Shrines? Oh, what? I'm sorry. I thought it was a statue or a toy. What… Where did you come from that you don't understand the patrons? You don't notice a shrine when you see one. I'm sorry. She snatches the axe out of your hand.

Hey! Yeah. We run up. We run… Rush over. Is this your little mongrel here? Hey! Do not point that axe at that child. And don't call him a mongrel. She's a rescue. Hey, mongrel, rescue, whatever it is, he doesn't know not to mess with things that aren't his. And she slams the axe back into the side of the… Too close to Billy. Well, yeah. It's like whack right back into the stump. And I step in front of her between her and Billy. And she looks you right in the face. She's looking up way far.

She's like five feet tall. Okay. She's pretty hunched, but she's staring you right in the eye. It's like, hey, don't mess with my kid. Tell your kid not to mess with my shrine. And she starts like poking you in the chest. Don't poke me in the chest, you old bitch. No. Who cares? This is… I know. I'm making this too serious. Oh, my God. Yeah. She says, get your… Don't kill her, this fucker. Everybody's just getting mad at you. And she's poking you in the chest.

Get your chest out of the way of my finger. Okay. And he moves and she's just poking Ving in the forehead. You stay away from my shrine. This is everyone's shrine, not just yours. It's not your shrine, that's for sure. You know who doesn't want to hear fighting? The patron of the lumberjack. Oh, the forester loves fighting. The forester fought with the trees every day of their life. They fucked with the trees? They fought with the trees. They fucked the trees? Watch your language.

She starts waving. Get the hell out of here. Your patron fucks trees? She starts steaming up. And it's pouring. And then I go over to the shrine and I start like thrusting my hips there. I'm like, ooh, look at me. I'm the first of the foresters. These trees get me so fucking hard. And you start seeing other people in the town. Oh, no. Seeing you do this. And a lot of people are getting like mad. This situation is escalating. Ving's like, no, calm down, everyone.

It's just this lousy, filthy-tongued, sack-a-saw-diss bitch. Wielding a rack. And it sort of continues like that for a while. She's mad. Some other people are mad. And the party continues. But there's a good contingent of Pinewood villagers that are not psyched about you guys. Fuck this place. Yeah. We're your warriors. You should respect us. And somebody does speak up. Like, it's the flute guy. It's the pan flute guy. Big surprise. Fuck this guy. Yeah, they came here to help us.

We should be more respectful. Oh, shit. Don't know any of the flute guys on our side now? No, that's not good. It's not a good place to be. Oh, my God. We're the flute guys. Oh, no. You hear somebody from the crowd go, shut the fuck up, Ved. Ved? Everybody hates your flute. You suck at it. Pipe down, devil sticks. And the party continues. But there's, like, a weird tension now. All right. I'm going to walk up to that angry lady. Oh, okay. She's, like, steaming. She's drinking a mug of ale. Hey.

Oh, what do you want, you little pest? No, I'm sorry. I really didn't know. I'm just small and innocent and unlearned. And I just thought it was a toy because, like, I haven't had any fun lately. And I had to do a lot of adult stuff today. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Oh, my friend. He's just really protective. I'm sure you understand. And I try to touch her hand. And she's, like, oh, man. She can't stay super mad.

Like, you're not just going to start to keep screaming at a kid that earnestly tries to apologize. You got to roll something else. Defy danger, charisma. Six. This could be an aid. Okay. We pop. I jump in behind her and start rubbing her shoulders. Massage. Massage. Massage. Massage. Massage. Massage. Massage. Massage. Massage. Massage.

Massage oh no don't touch anybody with those hands you kidding me with my elbows then okay all right you gotta roll plus bond with billy oh 12 okay so yeah you make that a seven for billy yeah with a seven she's not jazzed but she uh loves the massage yeah you can see her like loosen her shoulders a little bit close her eyes just revel in this uh this firm massage and her shoulders are like fucking tight like she crystal and crystal yeah yeah yeah and it's not it's not great but she looks at billy with her eyes still half closed she's like all right I understand you seem from the halfling lands I know you don't respect the patrons you don't know enough about them but if you're gonna stay in a town like pinewood you should learn something don't just keep sticking your face wherever it is oh but that's how I learn she looks at billy and she's like oh you know you you don't understand no harm no foul I'm just it's been a tense few months in the town after that blasted machine came down a lot of good people lost their their ways of living and I'm just I'm frightened for the future of the town and I'm taking it out on you you little ragamuffin she sort of pinches your cheek a little bit she says if you're not a good person you're not a good person you're not a good person you're not a good person if I had it my way you wouldn't bring that machine back at all this has been Spout Lore I'm your game master Sean O'Hara with me as always playing tacoma dome the barbarian Abdul Aziz have you considered that this might be a fern gully scenario playing ving the half-elf druid Paul Oppers maleficent knob heads and playing fat billy the halfling thief jessica tie I thought it was gonna be like a mini thing like we need to have an election thanks to west for all the tech for all the tech for all the tech for all the tech for all the tech for all the tech for all the tech for all the technical stuff thanks to abdul for all the editing work thanks to aaron reed for our intro and outro music thanks to mark and mp for offering up their home yet again and thank you to you for listening we'll see you next time and so ends the tale of adventures three who tried the best they can though dumb and scared and lost they be for times of rest in revelry and though our journey is a long one we may be lying a conclusion we will not leave you without a resolution return next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores and for you I'd gladly be I asked you I don't have to be any one other than a birth of two souls in one there's gotta be an easier way to do there's not there's no way where I'm coming from I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately you!

I'm tired of looking around, wondering what I gotta do. Who am I supposed to be? I don't want to be anything other than me. That was the Lone Tree Hill Singers charting the top 795 beautiful downtown principality. Come on, check us out. Downtown principality, if you're in the beautiful area downtown. Come check it out. Downtown Mulberry, Pinewood. Pinewood. Here we are in downtown beautiful Pinewood Forest. Come check us out.

There's one guy that found a wizard-made transmitter that he's just convinced is still working. And secretly, it is. I thought it was just the town crier. Come on, check us out. Talking into a big horn. Yeah, and I imagine the Lone Tree Hill Singers were actually there. Are they in Pinewood right now?

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape, and wields a spear with great might Peely's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and raddest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends, and listen close For the tale's about to start Welcome back to Spout Lore everybody Sean O'Hara and with me, as always, playing Tacoma Dome, the Barbarian Abdulaziz.

Good morning. Playing Ving, the Half-Elf Druid, Paul Oppers. Hello. Playing Fat Billy, the Halfling Thief, Jessica Tai. Hello, everybody. When last we left our heroes, they were in the midst of a celebration in the village of Pinewood.

Now that they have accepted a task from the co-mayors, Merbo and Yulium, to investigate some sort of disappearance and tragedy in the woods surrounding the village, a great feast was thrown in their honor, and Billy deeply insulted an old woman by messing with a shrine to the forester. And with some doe eyes and some childhood naivete, Billy was able to, with the help of Ving, giving a gentle massage, a stiff massage to this old woman. The situation was resolved.

And now the party has sort of continued in earnest. Everybody's… It's getting… It's getting whipped up to a fever pitch. Everybody's drinking and eating. There's alcohol and juices and roasted meats and vegetables. And some games have actually broken out. The people of Pinewood like to play games where it's just feats of strength and agility. And that's sort of where we find ourselves now. Yeah, I've been over at the feats of strength, and I came back.

And I come over to these guys, and I'm like, Hey, do you guys think I crossed the line when I fucked that shrine? I just look over to the lake. And she's looking at you with eyes sort of narrowed. You had your balls tucked away. That's true. It was behind the flap. Yeah. Flaps down. Flaps down. I look at the lady, and I'm like, Okay. Look.

I felt threatened because you were pointing your finger at Billy, and you made me feel fucking small because you were pointing your finger into my chest, and you were saying some stuff to me. That made me feel like a bad parent. So I felt kind of defensive on that. And so maybe I said some stuff that I shouldn't have said. Maybe I shouldn't have fucked your shrine. And maybe I'm sorry. Maybe. Maybe you're sorry. I'm sorry. All right. And to make it up to you, I'm going to go over to the shrine.

I'm going to tell it a prayer. Okay. If that makes you feel better. Come on. And then I lift her up. So she's just hanging from your hand? Yeah. She's got her mug still in her hand. Yeah. I put her up on my shoulder. I'm like, come on. All right. I'm sure someone at some point has explained to you that we don't really pray to the patrons. Let's go. Let's pray to the patrons. Woo! Pray to the patrons. Pray to the patrons. Pray to the patrons. It's time for you to do the thing you always do.

And more people are starting to watch sort of from the edge of the undercover area. Cool. Yeah. Because they don't see people do this very often. And I like that I'm getting an audience. I'm getting nervous and excited about it. And then I'm also, as I'm walking with the lady, realizing that I don't have anything locked and loaded for this. I have not planned a prayer. What a surprise. Improv it, man. Here we go. No. Give me one minute. Ving's walking around stalling. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Yeah. There's two young men standing at the edge of the overhang. They're both like talking to each other like, what are they doing? I think they're praying to the shrine. And they're both like, oh, silly. I would say, you know, just. Avocado, sriracha. But they're like, wow, that's a beautiful language. Yeah. Ving is being like, do you remember Paul Bettany? He's character in A Knight's Tale. Yeah. What was his name? Chaucer. He's Jeffrey Chaucer. Yeah.

Yeah. Jeffrey Chaucer. He's a guy. Yeah. Whatever that guy is. Author of The Canterbury Tales. Ooh. I love The Canterbury Tales. I'm sure. I love them. I'm pretending to have glasses right now. I don't love them. I'm just aware of. Oh, Chaucer. Classic piece of literature. Also, A Knight's Tale is my favorite movie. Oh, Knight's Tale. Oh, Knight's Tale. Oh, Knight's Tale. Oh, Knight's Tale. Oh, Knight's Tale. Oh, Knight's Tale. Oh, Knight's Tale. This is the longest you've ever mimed a blowjob.

It's unsettling. It's like. Yeah. It's just like. Yeah. No. It's not. I'm not like unsettled by. It's just like. And Bill put his finger in the butthole of the imaginary blowjob. It's just a lot of detail. It feels really intimate. Like I walked in on something. I mean. Billy looks away. Tuck is doing this in front of a shrine. Is this a prayer? No, no, no. I'm not doing it. Is this a prayer? It's totally normal. Dominoes. Dominoes and pizza hot. Hot and ready. Pizza, pizza. 9, 6, 7, 11, 11.

The mushroom thing? Olives, mushrooms and extra cheese. Dominoes for delivery. If you get two for the price of one, we throw in crazy bread. Yeah. But. Peace be with you. Happy St. Patrick's Day, everybody. Peace of pizza be with you. All right. So the woman sitting on your shoulder just kind of waiting. And I put her down and I lean. I kneel down and I take out my axe. Do people chop the shrine? It looks like people have been leaving access here for a long time. Is there like a log nearby?

It's just one big stump. No, but is there another one? Like there's like a tree. Yeah. So. Okay. So this is what I'm going to do. Like I kneel in front of the shrine and I take out my axe. It's just wounds. She sees the axe. Yeah. She's like, oh, wow. That's quite a, quite a two you have there. And I guess I tuck my dick in a little bit. Oh, you mean the axe? Yeah. Oh, the axe. Yeah. She goes, oh, come on. It's not anything. I haven't seen before. I wink at her. She winks at you.

I'm starting to like this lady. Is there like a crowd that's for people are watching because they're just confused. Yeah. And I. But you pull the axe out. Well, and people have been like looking at it. Like, oh, man, look at that thing. And so I. Yeah. I kneel my. I kneel my head. I bow my head. And I'm like, I pay homage. I say this to the shrine. I pay homage to the logger. He. He strengthens. He strengthens our arms and splits our wood and brings us shelter from the forest. And then I.

I take my axe and I throw it horizontally at the nearest tree. And I try and split it. Like with one. With like one throw. Yeah. Okay. Well, we're going to do a defy danger strength. Okay. Two to six plus your strength. Six. Oh, can I help? Six. Seven. Eight. Yeah. Your strength is huge. Yeah. He's not going to need it. Yeah. So you just. There's like a fairly narrow. It's not like massive, but it's tall tree. And you just whip your axe through it. Yeah. Like it is pretty wide, right? What?

The tree? Yeah. Sure. Yeah. But you're cutting down a tree in the middle of town. In one swipe. In one swipe. Yeah. And you throw your axe through it. Yeah. Cool. So. Yeah. So I'm going to have to go get it. Yeah. You grab your axe. You heft it. You heft Larry, Terry, and Chad. And you just whip it. And I give him a kiss before it. And you just send it through this tall pine tree, like a few yards away from the shrine. And it whacks right through the middle. And it sails off into the forest.

And I look at it. I'm like, fuck. And it also like it hits. Like it stumps down. And it sits teetering for a second. And it starts to fall towards the overhang. Oh, no. Yeah. It's like. And it starts to fall. What do you do? Ving, help. Ving runs over and runs underneath the thing and puts his hands up in the air and roots down and turns into a bit of a big stumpy kind of rooty man. He hasn't used his wood in a long time. Yeah. And with big, crystal-y hands and just tries to put them together.

He doesn't have a lot of control over the axes yet. I mean, of the crystal-y knives. Yeah. But just puts kind of like a crystal cradle up and catches it. 2d6 plus wisdom to shapeshift. This is a thing now. This became a situation. Oh, yeah. Yeah. 10. 10. Great. So you get three hold. Okay. So that's. You use your hold to like root down and grab the tree. The other way. Yeah. And just scales it down. Yeah. You could scale it down. Takes out a bark off. Wait. Scale it down. Like how?

What do you mean? With the crystals. Runs it through his crystal. Oh, like you get it. You like. Make it go. Okay. Beautiful smooth. Okay. Slide. You slide it off. Yeah. And then use your crystals to strip all the bark off. And then like Billy get it. And then he like does. Yeah. Let's make it all together. Make some cool party trick. Yeah. All right. What does Billy do? He gathers up all the bark. Uh-huh. At top speed. Yeah. Raw lumber coming at you. Woo. He can make stuff taste different ways.

Can't he? That's true. Oh, yeah. He turns into beef jerky. Beef jerky. He starts throwing it out to the crowd. Beef jerky. Okay. I need Billy. I need Billy to roll for this too. You get some jerky. Okay. So Billy, what is this? Charisma, I guess? 2D6 plus charisma? Yes. Eight. Okay. Great. It's a little tiring because you're doing it to so much. You're feeling like you have to influence so much wood chips at the same time. Mm-hmm.

But then you're throwing out beef jerky and people are chewing on this bark. Like they take the bark from you and they're like, okay. And Billy takes a bite too to be like. Yeah. Beef jerky. Yeah. And they're like. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. Well, we eat bark from time to time. So it's not. And they take a bite and they're like, holy hell. That's beef jerky. And then people are tossing it around and you're passing it out. Everybody's having a grand old time now. Yeah.

And the log just gets smoothed down and like. Yeah. What's the next move? And then he was like, tuck. Log's up. Yeah. And then I go over there and I do the Highland game that Merbo was doing where he was. He was lifting like a stump or no. I do the, you know, the one where you flip a tree. Caber toss. Yeah. The caber toss. I invent that. Sick. I right now. So you pick up a tree. No one's ever thought of it in this world. Right? Sure. Yes. Yes. And so I pick it up and I'm like, check this out.

And I like, I like flip it. And I'm like, for the logger. So do I. Forest. No, I say log. Yeah, I know. What do I roll? 2d6 plus strength, I guess. Five, six, seven. Okay. Yeah. So you flip it and you flip it so hard and you send it right into the bottom of your chin. Go ahead and roll me. What's your damage die? Uh, d10. This is incidental. Do a d6. Okay. Two. You get two damage right in the chin. I have one armor already. Yeah. Cause you're so tough. But you feel. You feel.

You feel your lips split. So you're bleeding a little bit now. And I turn around and I'm like, yeah, but you do like you flip it. You flip it all the way over and it lands really far away. And there are a bunch of people in the overhang that are like, oh, yes. And then a bunch of people start coming out and some strapping young, young buck grabs it and he throws it and sends it into the bottom of his chin and spits out a bunch of blood and goes, yeah, he flips it. And this is a game now. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Bloody mouth yeah and everybody's just having a grand old time smashing themselves in the face with this log I go to these guys I'm like wow that was like not planned at all pretty good show we put on and the woman comes up and she pats you on the on the arm and she goes your heart is in the right place but you should really learn something about the patrons like 90 of what you did was so wrong but I appreciate it nonetheless yeah I mean you know spread it around spread around things that I do I will but not the wrong ones okay yeah tell people about the prayer use the prayer more no there's a lot wrong with the prayer that's okay the thing that I'm trying to start just use it we'll see we'll see you're gonna use it she goes off and she fills up her mug again I turn to these guys I'm like probably she'll use it right yeah for sure oh she's got she's she's gonna use it and uh yeah the party just continues uh is there anything in particular that you want to say about the party I'm gonna say that the party is a little bit that anybody wants to try and accomplish at this party what's billy seems excited what's billy trying to do snack table oh there is a large snack table uh there's some sort of roast bird there's like a big platter of red meat that's been cooked over a fire there's so many delicious looking drinks there's like barrels of stuff with taps in the side there's little berries like piles of berries some sort of jam looking stuff what's billy going for I'm shoveling a bunch of berries and I'm like I'm gonna go get some of these things I'm gonna go get some of these things into the backpack okay backpack acquired with berries yeah uh go to the bird grab a leg grab another leg uh two legs yeah that's four legs so you're fine sweet uh double fist yeah and uh yuliam sitting on the other side of the table eating he's not really engaging in too much of the partying he's like you know you don't have to you don't have to pack it away we're not gonna take it from you you can eat as much as you like oh really yeah and he's like putting like some walnuts and stuff in his mouth okay so I tuck in the the two legs into like my waistband and I grab the other two legs I'm like thank you dear take a seat take a seat okay can you pick me up I can't reach it with all the food he uh steps over the table like he stands up and walks to the other side and puts you up thank you and he sits down next to you this is what I've found at parties if you sit near the food you don't have to come and get more food it's just here the whole time oh my god never thought of this classic uncle advice yeah you can take that from your old pal yuliam I will so what's your uh what's your story you look like a young lad to be traveling with uh strange warriors such as this yes I suppose but they're nice to me tuck over there the big one he found me one night um I mean I don't he wasn't very happy with me at the time he was roasting a big old jackalope and I I invited myself into that I don't think he liked it very much how old would you say you are I'm like nine or something or ten nine years old yeah I barely hefted my first axe at nine and I was nay on the road what you know I was nay on the road a little lad like you stumping about in the woods oh yeah I too was nay on the wood he nods and he's like all right well as long as you feel safe and you feel a little bit better I'm gonna go to the next one like you're where you're supposed to be yeah this I'm so happy right here this boat of gravy I pull it closer to myself I dunk my chicken legs or whatever they are into it yeah he's like a little lad after me own heart well let's tuck in and he kind of bonks his chicken leg against your chicken leg and he gets into it uh tuck are you still is tuck still doing games with people yeah he's still eating a conga line all right that's a feat of strength no he moved just a conga line uh yeah and there's somebody like playing like a drum and stuff like that I guess I'm trying to explain what a conga line is yeah you're trying to explain conga yeah I'm like it's like you just it's an excuse to touch someone else's hips I guess oh and they get that they're like oh okay yeah yeah I'm trying to break it down and I'm realizing I don't understand why that it happens but they're all like touching each other's hips and they're like kind of in a circle and they're like hey hey give me your hips are you starting to wrestle yeah kind of it's turning into a wrestling it's turning into a wrestling matchup a pile of people wrestling each other slapping each other and the hips give me them hips boy there's a bunch of people just like in a circle yeah they formed an arena like yeah totally yeah there's a ring of people there's two people in the middle and they're like they got their arms out to either side they're like okay all right and one slight one jumps forward slaps him in the hip and go one point conga conga conga conga conga conga conga conga There's two games that have been invented.

There's Bloody Mouth and then there's Konga, which is like touch football, but with wrestling. Yeah. That's a fun game. And that's great. And it's pouring rain and they're just having a blast. What's Ving up to? He's getting pissed with the boys. Oh, yeah. He's got a bottle of booze in his gills. He's chugging spruce vodka in his throat. He's got one in each side. And then he's chugging down here, too. He's got three bottles, free pouring. And there's just a group of people freaking out.

They're like, yeah. Chug, chug, chug, chug. You're chugging so much. You're chugging so much, bro. I'm chugging so much, bro. And somebody comes out. A pretty beefy lady comes out. A pretty beefy lady. A pretty slash beefy lady. And she comes out and she's got this big clay. Jug over one shoulder. And she slams it down on the ground. It's got a little rag around the handle. She's like, you look like you know how to drink. Try some of this.

And she pops the cork off and smoke starts coming out of it. Whoa. She's like, you ever had a dram of this? No, but I've vaped before. Oh, if you've vaped, you'll appreciate this ember mead. Ember mead. Strongest liquor made from the honey of the fire bee. Oh, it'll get you red. Right, dickhead. I don't know what that is, but it sounds super sexy. Let's do it. Sounds super sexy. Okay. Are you going to hammer this? Like, just get down on this fire mead? Yeah, yeah. Ember mead. Ember mead.

Ember mead. Give me a 2d6 plus constitution. Okay. Seven. Seven. Okay. So you just go to town and smoke starts pouring out of your gills. I've still got two holds. So let's grow some things on my back. Like wooden tree wings. And then they're on fire a little bit. They're smoldering tree wings. Just to look insane. Yeah, just he's getting hammered. He's getting crazy drunk and things start popping off. Drunk shape shifters. Real problem. It is very weird when he gets really fucked up.

So yeah, this like smoldering wood thing comes out of your back and they're all like, whoa, sweet. Sweet. And so what's the seven to nine? Seven to nine. You get like something happens. An intervention. Billy and I are watching from the other side of the party and we're like, we really need to talk to him about his shape shifting while drunk. I have a problem. And the lady like has her arm around your shoulder and she's like, hey, how's a problem? And she's drinking too.

And yeah, that's so I don't know. What's do you get entangled? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, so it's that sort of thing. You drink all that stuff. You drink the fire mead. The smoke's pouring out of you, and the wood comes out of your back, and you're all having a great time, and she just grabs you by the front of your shirt. She catches the vibe first. She knows what the situation is.

She just grabs the front of your shirt. She winks at me first. Yeah, and she plants one on you. Oof, and I plant one on her. She doesn't like that. There's a lot of plants coming out of you. It's gross. But yeah, so that's the situation with Ving right now, and Mears is having a similar time. He's over with some of the younger kids, some of the teens. They're not drinking quite as much or quite the same stuff as the adults, but kids in Pinewood still drink a little bit.

Mears is talking to, like, there's another teenage boy that he's talking to, and he's getting a little, like, Mears is getting a little giggly, and he's trying to be cool with his hook, and he's showing off his hook, and he's showing off his sword, and there's all these kids that he's just kind of having a grand old time with, and yeah, the party's just going to continue. Are the ones… The One Tree Hill singers on stage? The One Tree Hill singers are here? Yeah. No? Weren't they on stage?

We did that whole thing. You know what there is? Okay, so there is a little stage to the side that has its own little underhang thing, and there's, like, a local group that's putting on, like, their own rendition of the One Tree Hill players' ongoing serial. They're remembering their favorite episodes, and they're sort of acting them out, so there's two…

There's a teenage boy and a teenage girl, and they're dressed up, and they're putting on accents to do this thing, and they're like, Jennifer, I love you, and I am willing to give up my career in basketball for you, and she sort of strides over to the other side of the stage and puts her hand up to her forehead and goes, Jason, you've said that so many times before, and your father has come between us yet again, and it's… And then the twin comes, or the half-brother comes in.

I know literally nothing about One Tree Hill. So a half-brother comes in, and he's sort of dragging one foot behind him, and he's hunched over, and he's like, Jason, if you finally rid yourself of Jennifer, you and I can complete our long-lost goal of finding our mother and exacting our revenge on our stepfather, Jared. And he goes, Kyle, no. I just want to be with Jennifer and play basketball on the weekends. And that's sort of what's going on over there. Wait, what is Jennifer doing?

What does Jennifer do? Jennifer is… She's like… She's having a soliloquy because she doesn't know that… What was the other brother's name? Kyle. Kyle. She doesn't know that Kyle's there. It's like a poetic fallacy. Let's hear it. And she's like, what should I do? Should I follow Jason as my heart wishes me to, or should I go to school in… In Massachusetts? Should I move away? To learn how to be… To learn how to be… Anything I've always wanted to be. To… To learn to be…

How's that song go? Anything but what I've been trying to be lately. And then the song starts. And then they all come on stage. Everybody that's been in the play so far comes on stage and they hold hands. And they're like, I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately. And you can see, there's a younger kid to the side of the stage that's now like yanking on a rope really hard. And the makeshift curtain they've made starts to come across the stage and covers them up.

And only the kids are watching. Billy and I are in the back and we're like, whoa! And then, yeah. And I'm like, because we've been gone for like three months. I didn't know what the season finale was. And I was like, that's what happened? Yeah. Yeah, that's what happened is they all got so excited. The players did pass through. You hear from one of the kids later on that the players passed through and they did the season finale. And they were so excited that they had to do it again.

And I'm talking to Billy and I'm like, oh man, I cannot wait for the next season. I hope that Jennifer chooses to go to college. Yeah, so she can learn to be something than other that she's been lately. And you can… You can… I'm sorry. I know, that's so funny. You know how sometimes like a father and a son have a tradition of watching a show? Totally, yeah. Like the son doesn't really understand. Yeah. It's that. Yeah, totally. Oh man, it's so good. And the kids are so excited.

They're so glad that you liked it. Yeah. Like, you know, when they came through, it was just, it was so, it was so beautiful. It was so emotional that we just had to reimagine our own run and just put on our own reruns for everybody here. And we're like, we're really glad that you could come and watch it and that you enjoyed it. Yeah, I think you guys could do this professionally. And they're like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. And they start like fanning themselves. Like, oh, thank you so much.

Thank you. And I'm like, in fact, if I take out a piece of paper, I was like, I would love to get all of your autographs. And they're like, oh. They're so nervous. And I'm like, because I'm sure it'll be worth something someday. Yeah. And one of them runs over to Yulian. Yeah. And they come back with like a pen, like a click pen. What? Yeah, Yulian's got a pen. Like, it's so weird. He's got this metal pen and it pops this nib out and he writes with ink. Wes is losing his mind.

Yeah, it's, he's, but you can see the kid asks him for it and he hands it. He's like, okay, here's the pen. And as the kid runs away, he's like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. But the kid is being very like, and they're all scrawling with this ink pen. And it's amazing. There's no quill. They don't have to dip it in ink or anything. Is this like an artifact from like, The Wizard Times? It is very expensive. He bought it from, you hear, you get the idea that he got it from the city.

He got it from Black Glass. Can we Spout Lore about this? Yeah, sure. Go for it. 2D6 plus intelligence. Well, there you go. See, the thing about these pens are. Yeah, I don't know anything. So you grab the pen and you're like, you're like, oh, look at this thing. I don't want to. Don't make me break the pen. Don't break the pen. Okay. All right. Okay. So what you do do is you press, you're like pressing the clicker. You're like, click, click, click, click, click, click. Wow. Look at this.

Click, click, click, click, click, click, click. And you press it and you press it really hard and you let go and whatever ink reservoir is inside shoots out the back and just lands somewhere in the leaves. Can I see if I can find it? Yeah, you can look for it. Okay. What do I need to get? And Yulium, you see him stand up. Oh, Jesus. And he's like, wait a second. You start storming over. 2D6 plus and what is looking? Oh, wisdom. Wisdom? Yeah. Is this a discern realities?

I guess it would be a discern realities. Yeah. 11 plus 10 plus what? Okay. Wisdom is 11. Yeah, you got it. You get three questions. Three questions from what should I be on the lookout for? Tell me, where is it? Where is it? Tell me right now. I'm freaking the fuck out. So you start. Let me just grab the list. Do you just know the questions? Yeah. There's what should I be on the lookout for? Where's the fucking pen inkwell? Tell me. Tell me right fucking now. I'll beat your ass.

I'll beat the shit out of you. Tuck is telling this to Sean, the GM through space and time. I'll beat the shit out of you personally. Yeah. So you kick around like you run over. You're pretty sure that you knew where it landed and you find it in like buried under some pine leaves and you find it. It's a little, it's almost empty. Okay. Because it looks like a bunch of the ink poured out onto the ground, but you do find it. I just like spit in it a little bit to like make more ink. I'm like.

He sees it. He sees it. He sees it. He sees you. Does he see me do that? I'm trying to hide it. No, you're huge. You can hide anything from anybody if you turn around. I'm on the ground. Yeah. And I mix it up and I put it in. Yeah. It clicks. I'm like, okay. Yeah. And he takes the pen and he looks at it and he goes, okay. I think that's enough autographs for now. And I'm like, you're probably right. You have two more questions, by the way. I don't care. All right. Fine.

What are the, what else is there to know? I mean, what happened here recently? What should I be on the lookout for? Or what is about to happen? What here is useful or valuable to me? Who's really in control here? What here is not what it appears to be? What here is not what it appears to be? I guess I'm talking to him and I'm like, I'm really sorry. I know how rare these are. It seems like a really nice town. You've got a great town here.

And he kind of looks around at all the people having a good time and all the kids are excited about their play and everybody's having fun. And he's like, I mean, what is a fine place? And it's a shame that it's run into the troubles that it has. And we're just really, really pleased that you've come and agreed to help us. As you can see, what a close-knit community of people that really care about each other. And anything that can endanger that is of real concern to us and our way of life.

And sorry, what was your question? The question was, what here is not what it appears to be. Just give me a sec. I got to think about it. Ving and the women are going at it pretty hard. By the fire. And somebody goes, get a room. And then Ving starts building a room around them. Roots come up. Building a room. Ving has used his whole to grow a room around them. A tiny house around him. Beautiful. Billy wanders over. He's like, are you wrestling? No, I mean, technically, I mean. Who's winning?

And you hear, yeah, you hear her go, oh, I am. Oh, I'm winning. She won twice. Whoa. Good for you. Holy shit. Yeah. Yeah. No, Mears walks up and he's like, Billy, let's go over here. Yeah, okay. Let's go back to the snack table. Okay. Did they bring out anything new? They're just like replenishing stuff. So there's like more meat, more alcohol. Yeah. Billy's never been to an all you can eat buffet. So he kind of taking it as a challenge. Yeah. Oh, we'll see.

Let's go back to a little bit of foreshadowing. And as you're like, you're talking to Yelium and he tucks his pen in and he's like, thank you so much for helping us. You're sort of looking around the town and just being like, yeah, this is really nice. And you look over at one of the trees that has like a big patch of green moss on it. And you see in the center, you see that some of it is like a bright, like azure blue. And you're like, that doesn't seem right.

And you take a little, a little closer look at it and it's moving just a tiny bit. Whoa. Yeah. Uh, that's weird. Yeah. But I mean, it seems harmless enough. It's just like, you know, the world is a weird place. Yeah. It could be anything. Okay. Yeah. Um, and then I, I have one more question. You do have one more question. Unless there's like, who likes to party? Yeah. That's my last question. Who likes to party? Thing. Stage. Oh wait, you guys are fucking. Oh, we're done. Okay. Great.

So you just walks over hairy looking. Yeah. His hair is even more out there than it usually is. I got wood. Yeah. You're still pretty hard, but and why, why do you want being on the stage? I was going to do a rendition of Alice. Okay. All right. I don't, I just feel like they've heard it. Allison. Why don't we sing? Rebecca. Okay. Okay. Let's do Rebecca. Rebecca. People start gathering around. What instruments are there? Uh, there's a, there's the flute.

There's that guy's pan flute that he left here. Yeah. So I stand up bass, washed up bass drum. Yeah. Well, I'll take the flute and I'll like smash it. So there's only like the middle part of it. So it's not so unruly. You see that in the back with his hands in his hair. Like, no, I was like, don't worry about it. This is going to be way better. No. And my hands are stuck in my hair. And I'm like, Hey everybody, look over here. Are they looking? Yeah. Some people are looking. Okay.

Like being, you know, I are going to do a song. One, two, one, two, three, four. Her name was Rebecca. And she is not a succubus. When we came down from the heights, we found a bag of cookies. Me and Rebecca hanging out and eating cookies. Get that nookie, get that cookie. Get that nookie, get that cookie. Rebecca, you are something else. You make me feel like I'm in a house. You make me want to walk up a cliff and catch a beam of sunlight for you. Rebecca! And everybody goes nuts. Wow.

It's like, yeah! Do we have to roll for it? It's music, man. You're not trying to, because the last time you rolled for it, you were trying to distract me. You distracted people from the fact that Billy was breaking into a room. Okay. I want to roll for it. All right, do it. Defy danger charisma? Guess so. 11, 12, 13. Everybody goes nuts. They love it. They can't get enough. Yeah, they say, encore, encore. And this time we do Allison. Fuck yes! Mears, look!

Yeah, and Mears is still with that kid that he was talking to, and he's like, I know these guys. And he's like, oh, cool! And yeah, Allison is a huge hit as well. Have they heard it already? A couple people are like, oh! They start pointing at you like, this is dumb! This is Allison! And one of them runs, runs into his room. Like, one of them runs off, and you see him come back a few minutes later, and he's got a big glass jug in his hands.

And he, it's got a cork, and it's got some sort of weird liquid in it. And some other thing in there. And he runs up, and he's like, can you please, can you please sign this? I'm your, I'm your biggest fan. Yeah. I was like, yeah, totally. I got this at great personal expense to me, and I've only listened to it a couple times, because I want to, I want to have it for as long as possible. Okay, yeah. What's your name? My name's, uh, Jigbin. Jigbin. That's me, Jigbin.

Do you have a last name, Jigbin? Yep, it's personal. Jigbin personal. You can share it. It's, it's Burl. I'm a Burl. Oh, you're a Burl. I'm a shite carpenter, though. I don't like to tell people. I, I mostly just love music. Oh, yeah, man. What's your favorite kind? While I'm signing, we're just talking. It's gotta be rock, gotta be rock and metal. You don't get a lot of that out here. Yeah. What is the main kind of music out here? It's mostly like, bed, flutes. Yeah, bed is the only one.

And then someone came through with that, with one of these babies, and I've been holding onto it ever since. You know what? You should make a lute. You should make a guitar. Not me. Well, I mean, your whole family is carpenters. I'm sure you could, like, convince one. I hope so. I don't know if they'd approve, though. You know, the barrel name, it holds such weight. Yeah. Forget weight. Follow your heart. Yeah, man. People would probably love your music. We'll see. We'll see.

You obviously have great taste. Oh, thank you so much. But he's like, oh, yeah, so if you could just sign this in any way that is convenient or easy for you. Yeah, sure. I'll take out my impenetrable billhook, and I'll, like, like, scratch my name into it. Yeah. Yeah. And yeah, he's, and Ving, do you use him? Oh, I use my crystal hands. Oh, yeah. Scratch my little name. Oh, yeah. And he's like, oh, this is amazing.

And he looks inside at the liquid and the little, you see a little thing running through it just to make sure that there's nothing wrong with it. And it's like, oh, this is amazing. Thank you so much. I'm going to be the, be the talk of the town. Oh, no, no one's really going to talk about it, but I'm going to talk about it. Yeah, go for it. Thank you so much. And he runs off and he starts showing other people. Cool. Yeah. We should find Billy. Yeah. Billy's, still at the food.

Billy has gorged himself. Oh, and is asleep. Yeah. He is so drunk. Billy's drunk? Yeah. Oh, no. He didn't know what was in those kegs. Jesus. Yeah, you see, there's like, Billy breathes in and snores and a little bit of smoke comes out of his nose. Fuck. And also, there's a lot of chicken in his mouth. He hasn't swallowed it. He goes over and scoops it out so he doesn't choke.

And you see, there's somebody sitting across the table from Billy and he's this, it's just this like big dude and he's eating too. And then he gets up and as he gets up and leaves, you see the image of Perel sitting on the other side of the table. Whoa. He's like, so you're just leaving Billy to kind of do whatever he wants now, huh? He's talking to us? Yeah, he's talking to you too. We go up and we sit with him. Yeah. And he's, he's the way that Billy has been seeing him lately.

So his robe is a little looser. We, yeah, we haven't really described it. I swear that I did, but now, no, I've listened through all the old episodes in the last couple weeks. Never describe him. Okay, well, so just describe him. In my head, he was kind of bald, like kind of tan skin, a sort of sharp nose. Does he have a toilet bowl? But it's very, he like obviously shaved it. Okay. During his life, but you can still see like the stubble.

And then I realized after I started describing him last time with like the glasses and stuff that in my head now, he just kind of looks like Stanley Tucci. Fuck yeah. That's awesome. Yeah, like he just, but he's like kind of, he's like a more tan Stanley Tucci. Does he have a mustache? I mean, he can, I don't know if he had a mustache. He's probably had a mustache at certain points in his life. Cool.

But like he's, he's also, it's all just up to affectation because I don't know if we've really talked about this, but I don't know if wizards are necessarily people in the same way that other people are people. So like he's just decided to have a mustache from here and there. So yeah, he just looks like Stanley Tucci. Yeah. So like you're talking to him and then like you look away and you look back and he's got a mustache. He's got a mustache and glasses. Wait a second.

He's like, oh, you didn't like it? Yeah. Drops into a soul patch. What about this? And then he looks like the scientist from the movie from Captain America. He's like, oh, mustache is better. Okay. Well, what's he's wearing? He's wearing his robe, which is like blue and covered in designs that sort of shift and move. And then he's got like a light shirt underneath because his robes open and he's got like kind of short pants, kind of capris. Like he's, he's casual Perel right now.

Like he's cargo, cargo things on it. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. There's little pockets. He's a, he's a professional. He needs storage and you see the inside of his robe. Actually, if this is based on how it looked in his life, it's just covered in pockets. Like the inside is full of stuff. Cool. Yeah. And he's just sitting there like, so you're just kind of, I know that you've let Billy run around in the past, but now he's coming into his own power and he's going to need a guiding hand.

I can only do so much. What do you, I mean, I mean, Billy does what Billy does. We don't have control over him. Well, I know in the past that's kind of been how you do it. Look, man, I trust, we trust Billy. He's never let us down so far. He has a good heart and he has a good will and, and he's got a good head on his shoulders. And then at that point in time, Billy barfs a little. Yeah. Well, he's got a good heart and good will. Honestly, like, I feel like Billy knows what's good for Billy.

He, he looks up and he's, yeah, that's probably true, but do you know anything about fairies? Nope. Fairies, no. Well, that might be what you're dealing with here. And they're creatures of, of instinct and desire. And if, if you want to keep him around, you're going to need to let him know that. Because he could desire another life at any time and he could be gone.

And I turned to Ving and I'm like, like, I hear this like kind of advice a lot, but I think anytime we've tried to like interfere in Billy and how he can governs his life, it like goes wrong. And if Billy chooses, he wants to leave at some point. That's his choice. I'm happy with his choices if they make him happy. Yeah, me too. I think the best we can do for him is like teach him how to be happy and to like understand himself. I agree. And not to swear. Yeah, that's my fucking fault.

I do that a lot. So fucking nice. I taught him most of his bad words. He's he's picked up a few on his own. He had a he had a long time to learn. Do you know how old he is or who his actual parents are? I only know as much as I can intuit from, you know, past research. Just watch him. Doi. Yeah, we're gonna keep an eye on him, obviously. He's our favorite thing. Yeah, we love him more than anything else in the world. Look, I mean, what are we gonna look at? We didn't do a great job tonight.

What are we gonna watch? Him and we point at Mears. What's Mears doing? Oh, what's Mears doing? He was talking to that kid and he's like, okay, bye. I'll see you. I'll see you later. I'll see you tomorrow. Did you give him a kiss? No, he's too shy. He's like, okay, bye. And he's like, you could tell he wants to. He's like thinking about something and he's like, okay, I'm gonna go. And then he walks over to you and he's like, this is a great party. And like, hey, Mears, have you met this guy?

He's a wizard. He looks over and he's like, what are you talking about? Oh, I assumed you were talking to each other and you look back and Peril's gone. Classic wizard. Mears is like, okay, anyways, I'm gonna hit the hay. I'm pretty tired. Okay, sounds good. Did you make it with that guy? He blushes so hard. He's like, what are you talking about? It's like that dude you were talking to. Who, Kem? Kem is, he's cool, but like, I don't know. Whatever. Another way he looked at you. Yeah.

He's like, whatever. I don't even, I don't, who, bye. He just walks off to go find somewhere to sleep. He's like, I'm gonna go find the cart. I'm gonna go find out where Francis went. You should find out where Kem lives. Kem lives over there. I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go find where Francis is. We're yelling at him. We're like, Kem really wants it, man. Go for it. I'm gonna go find Francis. Bye. And he's gone. He's gone.

But yeah, and the party can continue, but people are starting to fall asleep at the table or people are starting to go away in groups and on their own and things are starting to wind down. It's pretty late. Yeah. I think me and Ving have to have a conversation about Billy. Okay. Is Billy up? Kind of, but he's rolled back down onto the table. And we're kind of just like rubbing his back to kind of get him through the night. See, Merbo and Yilliam have left. The woman's gone.

But you see, you've got this sort of quiet area under the overhang. What do you think? Do you trust Perel? I mean, yeah, kind of. I kind of do too. And that's saying a lot. Yeah. Because he killed you. I mean, Billy seems to trust him. Yeah, Billy seems to trust him. And like, I don't want anything bad to happen to Billy. He said that Billy could die if he's not trained, if he keeps doing what he's doing. Yeah, I guess he could, but he doesn't really know.

Like he said himself, he doesn't know what fairy magic is like. Like, is there anybody that does? That's a good question. That's a really good question. I actually haven't even thought about that. That's something that would be fun to explore. Yeah, we wake him up a little bit. Yeah. Billy, you've been remembering more and more, right? About your past? Mm-hmm. Who's the first person you can remember? William. William. William. Do you remember where it was? Yeah, it was in the woods.

And he woke me up. This was in the Halfling Lands? Yeah, it was at home. Was it Lone Tree Hill? Yeah. Yeah, it was. And then we kind of like let him fall back asleep. Rub him back. We rock him back to sleep. And we're like, William. Yeah, we might have to try and find, we might have to try and find William or his like descendants, depending on how old Billy is. Maybe there's like some information that's been passed down. Yeah, about like what he is or who he is. All right.

Let's just go to William right now. Just picking. I'm like, I think we need to get to the vault. Ving is hammered. Yeah. No, you know what? Yeah. Let's do it all right now. I start realizing now, I'm realizing now that Ving is still pretty fucked up. I've got smoke for wings and I love chicken. Chicken wings. And I'm like, okay, buddy. And I, so Billy, Ving is holding Billy and I pick up Ving. And I'm like, well, let's get you both to some bed times. Yeah. I'm a bed times. You're a bed times.

We're all bed times now. Bed times now. And you head off to sleep at the, Burbo set you up in the town hall. And you're like, and the night ends. And that's where we're going to end it for this week. My name is Sean O'Hara. This has been Spout Lore. I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara. And joining, joining me, Sean O'Hara has always been playing Tacoma dome, the barbarian of dual Aziz. Bye everybody. Further friend of Sean O'Hara playing Ving, the half elf druid, Paul offers offers. Bye.

And also next to Sean O'Hara is playing fat Billy, the half elf druid, the half elf thief, Jessica tie. Good night, everyone. And listening to my Sean O'Hara voice right now is you. And thanks to Aaron Reed too, man. I'm fucking this up so thoroughly. That's okay. We got a lot of background. It's fine. And thank you for listening to a podcast, the likes of which the world has never seen the likes of which good night, everybody. See you next time.

And so ends the tale of adventures three, who tried the best they can, the dumb and scared and lost. They be for times of breast in revelry. And though our journey may be like a conclusion, we will not leave you without a resolution. Return next week to hear some more. Wow. You can you, or do your chores. And for you, I gladly. It's about.! Oh Oh Oh

Now the round friends let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape and wields a spear with great might Billy's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends and listen close For the tale's about to start I laughed at what I was gonna do Oh, I'm sorry.

I didn't do it. What were you gonna do? Wuh that! You guys remember that? No, don't do it. You guys remember Wuh that!

Spout Lore everybody, I'm your game master Sean O'Hara Just reliving the early 90's Super Bowl commercial realities Joining me as always Jessica's laughing so fucking hard Because it's a very funny commercial that we all remember No, it's not Wes is nodding, it's very funny I really caught on Yeah, I really did You guys remember it was in Scary Movie It was great It was in The Office It was in The Office Yeah, it was in The Office Oh man, Wuh that!

Joining me as always, playing Tacoma Dome, the Barbarian Abdulaziz Hello everybody Playing Ving Vang Zoom, but no sorry, just Ving Oh yeah The half-elf druid, Paul Oppers Hello And playing Fat Billy, the halfling thief Do we still call, should we still call Billy a halfling? Of course He's still a halfling, culturally? Yeah Culturally, yes, racially different Yeah Playing Fat Billy, the halfling thief, Billy The halfling thief, Jessica Tai Hero, wait no, hello Can we all say that?

She is half Chinese, it's fine She lets slip the way she talks most of the time Yeah She's doing a Canadian accent most of the time on the podcast Yeah, it's all a caricature When last we left our heroes, they had celebrated the night away in the logging town of Pinewood After having accepted a noble quest to help the people of Pinewood reclaim their logging industry Some sort of machine that they bought from the firefields capital of Blackglass Has been lost to some unknown danger in the forest They sent some people out, some people never returned So they want you to find out what happened But mostly, get that tree feller back And you had a party And the party was good Everybody had a good time From what I remember Oh yeah Yeah, Ving had a great time Ving fucked Yeah, it was okay But the party was awesome And the night ended And now we have arrived in the morning The sun rises through the trees in Pinewood Village Cups everywhere Sizzling fire pit in the middle of the town Yeah, there's people sleeping on the ground There's people sleeping on tables You see, Merbo is still asleep Yelium is up and about He's cleaning up a little bit But he's mostly walking around with what looks like a clipboard Just writing stuff And And yeah, what are Billy, Ving, and Tuck up to?

In the morning I am asleep in a pile of chicken That's where I am Just bones? Yeah Yeah That's very funny It looks like it's terrifying to look at Yeah, that's true It's a little kid surrounded by bones Yeah It looks like a sacrifice is about to happen Voodoo What are Ving and Tuck up to in the morning? I guess Ving's still awake Oh, never went to sleep? No, he went to sleep No, he went for a good brood Mmm Went for a nice walkabout brood What's he been brooding about?

Just like looking for love in all the wrong places, you know? Yeah There was a morning dove cooing and it brought him out of his He went chasing it thinking it was his spirit animal Oh, right Ving is still waiting for whatever animal Yeah To accept his summons Yeah Which is something that will, I guess, will happen when it happens Yeah, I guess so Is that up to you or is that up to me? Yeah, you're darn right Let's not hammer this down, Sean Yeah, alright Tuck, what's Tuck doing?

I have the stone box and that red leather book that's connected to Perel's memories And I'm like flipping through the book on top of the stone box Trying to like see if I can Because I'm trying to figure out if Perel's a bad guy or not Right Like I got a good feeling about him but I'm like trying to see if he's like trying to fuck us over Yeah Interesting It's a big book Well then it's too heavy for me to lift No, it's not what I mean Intellectually I mean it's dense And also the pages don't stay the page that they were, you know what I mean?

It's like mutable And honestly my attention span's pretty short so I'm flipping through it just looking for anything that catches my eye That sounds like a Spout Lore to me to get something like that you're looking for or something that would be useful I don't think we've done this in like ten episodes Spout Lore? Yeah It's one of my favorite moves and you guys almost never use it You know what?

I don't think I want to Spout Lore That's right You don't want to but you're not gonna learn anything Okay Here we go So 2d6 plus intelligence Alright You don't have any intelligence still? Yeah Fine Okay, mark a point of experience I'm gonna level up again so you can't aid with Spout Lore Well you can aid with Spout Lore but it would only get him up to a six What if I wake up and aid? Can we all aid?

No It's cool, I wanna roll that again I'm not I wanna know what's going on with this book Those are just the rules Fuck Um, what happens is you're sitting on top of the box flipping through the book trying to find- there's a lot of stuff in here It's a lot of formula, you see pictures of frogs, you see a lot of writing I'm also being kind of secretive with it so on the outside I put the book Love and Lust that we got from Torg So then people- it's like that thing where people think you're reading a porno but instead you're trying to read But the book that he gave you is so much smaller than the big book It barely covers a little section of it And I'm like I'm being so sneaky Very arousing Yeah So you're doing that You're doing the opposite, like you're reading a porn magazine with like McLean's inside of it No no no I'm jerking off You're jerking off Look how hard my cock is Etcetera My cock et cetera And you- Look at- look at- You're getting some sleep again goose pimply my butt has got.

I'm sorry. Is that what erotic is to talk? Is you get goose bumps on your ass? You know how it happens? You know how this happens? And he calls it goose pimply. Yeah. So you're doing that and you're talking about your goose pimply ass. You hear just over your shoulder. What are you reading? Who is it? It's Perel. Oh. And he's like looking, he's kind of furrowed his brow and he's looking at the pages. And I whip around and I look at him.

I like, you know that thing where you like, you spread out on top of the thing that you're looking at to like hide it? And then I'm like, I'm jerking off. And he sort of walks around you in his little magical projection form. Actually on the cover of Love and Lust. He's like, well he sees, yeah, but he, he's still kind of frowning a little bit. He's like, those look like the amaturgical formula. Well, you know what?

Everyone's got a different kink and you know, sometimes I like to look at the amaturgical formula. If you, if you have, if you have a magical text, I'd really appreciate the opportunity to look at it. You don't find much of that these days and it's been a long time since I've been allowed to look at one. I'd really appreciate it. You know, like I think, I think, it's cool whatever you're into, but I'm like looking at porn with other guys. I'm like doing it on my own.

So I'm going to do this on my own. He rubs the bridge of his nose and he's like, if you don't, if you don't trust me Tacoma, you can, you can say that. I trust you. Then show me the book you're looking at. Can I switch it out for Love and Lust? He saw the formula. Yeah. Fine. Here. And I show up. And he looks at the binding. He's like, where did you find, what book is this? I don't know. He found it. Fucking Goblin Tower.

He reaches for the book and he pulls it out of your hand, but the book you're holding stays in your hand and he pulls a copy. And he starts flipping through it. And he's like, hmm, interesting. Well, I'll, I appreciate this. Thank you very much, Tacoma. And yeah, I'm going to take a look at this. Okay. And he winks out of you. Okay. I just go back to reading Love and Lust. Just like grumpily turning the pages. Yeah. I'm barely aroused. Yeah. So that's what happens.

And Merbo and Yilliam start kind of gathering you all. Somebody goes and nudges Billy awake from his pile of bones. Yeah. He rises. Yilliam goes, ah, you had a, do you have a finite little one? I guess so. I had a great sleep. Well, many a chicken will fear your coming. From here on. Oh, no. Makes it like a little crown of bones. Oh, yeah. Billy takes two bones with him. He starts clacking them. Bones, bones, bones, bones, bones. And yeah, they gather you up.

The logger that Ving had a time with is also there. And Yilliam says, you're going to be heading off into the woods today. I assume. Now that we've had our wee bit, bit of celebration. If you're heading out into the woods, you may appreciate a guide. And he sort of pats the woman logger on the shoulder. Awkward. What's, what's her name? What do we think your name is? Vivian. Vivian? Vivian is one of our finest guides. Do you want to do that again? Yes, I do. Vivian is one of our finest guides.

She is one of our finest guides in, uh, in a capable warrior. She would be adequate support if you so need it. But if not, if you think that you would be fine on your own, that is understandable. Ving's like a fan. He's like, oh, you didn't tell me you were a guide. I didn't tell you a lot of things. She says, and kind of winks. Did she give him an STD? Uh, no, but she's like, she's got a lot of blonde hair, like really long blonde hair.

And she's like braiding it into braids and then like tying the braids up on her. Cool. Get that ready. And she's got a big, like wood cutter ax that she's, uh, preparing. I give, I give Ving like a low five. I'm like, awesome. Yeah. She seems very much like she would be tux type. She's very strapping. She's like super muscular. Um, she's bigger than Ving. Uh, how tall is Ving? Ving's pretty tall, isn't he? Yeah, I think, I thought so. He's in the, in the mid sixes. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

So she's probably short. She's probably six foot, six, two. Cool. It's like a real Brienne of Tarth. Yeah, totally. Yeah. Uh, so she's there if you want a guide, but they are fine with you going out on your own. Yeah. I'm into it. Cool. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What was your name again? Vivian. Vivian. Cool. You can call her Vivian, you guys. I, I'm fine with Viv. I'll call you Viv. Viv. This is Billy. Hello. Oh, y'all are so wee. I am very wee.

And, uh, they, um, Billy's really shy cause he knows what happened. And he's just like, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, you have to talk to him about what he saw. Every time she looks at him, he covers his mouth in his sneakers. Well, I'll make sure to keep a close eye on you, little one. Don't want you getting lost in the woods. That was a little foreboding. Yeah. Oh, it's just the woods can be dangerous.

Why do you think we're sending more warriors out in the first place? Yeah. You don't have to prep them with all the scary stuff. Let's just go. Fine. You know, we'll, we'll see what we run into in the forest. And I dropped back and I was like, that was weird. That got weird. I mean, why, why like tell a little boy how scary it's about to be? I mean, I know, but it was a strange move. I know, but this, is this the first time you've talked to her since you had sex? That's her. Oh, God. God.

Why would you, why would you try and scare a little boy that's covered in knives and carrying bones right now? And is chanting bones, bones, bones. That's what he's doing. And he's, he's walking backwards, you know, to protect him. He's protect what? To protect us from the dangers. So you're in the back of the wire. Yeah. Bones, bones, bones, bones, bones, bones. And before, before you do leave, you're like, you start walking. And then, uh, Bev is like, wasn't there a fourth one? Oh, Mears.

We forgot me. Four of you. He's kind of, he's like Kevin. Did you just yell into the village? Yeah. Are you here? Yeah. Are you, are you coming into the woods for the thing? Oh, is that now? Yeah. Okay. Do we need a, do we need Francis? No. Okay. Uh, and then he, you hear like slam and then, and you hear him like he's rushing through the woods. He's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like tying his cloak on. He's making sure his sword belts on. Right. Is he pulling his pants up too?

Well, I mean, yeah, but he was sleeping. Were you, what were you doing? Yeah. He's like rubbing sleep out of his eyes. His hair is all fucked up. Were you taking a shit? What were you doing? What time is it? It's, I don't know. Morning. Nobody told me when we were leaving. What? It's morning. We go in the morning. Yeah. Okay. I just, you know, if I get out there and I forgot something, I just want to know that I am not feeling like I am accountable for this. You were very accountable for this.

You're the leader. Yeah. Well, then somebody should have consulted me about when we were going to leave. Well, we tried, but you were busy shitting. I was not. He looks at Bev and he looks at Yelium and he's like, I wasn't. I was asleep. I'm a 14 year old boy. I need my rest. Anyways, let's go. All right. You get in front of me and I'll protect the back. And then you can see like there's toilet paper on his shoe. Yeah. I don't say anything.

He heads off and he started, he's clanking a little bit because he brought all his cooking stuff. So he's just like clank, clank, clank as he moves. And Bev goes, all right, well, it's a bit of a walk, so I'm going to, I'll be right back. And she comes back and she has a pretty big moose cow, like a female moose. And she, it's got a saddle on it. And she hops up. She goes, all right, I'll lead the way. Whoever needs to ride can hop up on the juniper. Yeah, I'm going to walk. I'll walk.

I too will walk. Cool moose though. Mears? Yeah. Okay. Oh yeah. Okay. I'll ride the moose. Okay. Never rode a moose before. Clank, clank, clank. I pick him up by his backpack. And he's like laid across it, like horizontally. Yeah. Like the fucking cargo that he is. Yeah. Just sling him across the back of this moose. Uh, all right. And you head off into the woods. Is there anything that anybody wants to keep an eye out for? Well, I mean, yeah, like I, maybe. Mysteries. I don't know.

Traps and mysteries. Yeah. All right. Can somebody, uh, one person. Oh yeah. Billy's keeping it. Billy's specifically. Keeping an eye out for mysteries. Yeah. Keeping an eye out for mysteries. So give me a discern realities. So 2d6 plus wisdom. Roll the bones. Um, nine. Nine. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So that's one question. From the list. If, um, if somebody aids Billy, uh, it could be a 10, which would give you three questions. Yeah. I'll leave Billy. All right. Five total. Five total. Okay.

Uh, so the questions that you have access to for discern realities are what happened here recently. What is about to happen? What should I be on the lookout for? What here is useful or valuable to me? Who's really in control here? What here is not what it appears to be? What here is not what, what appears to be. Okay. Uh, so Billy is walking backwards, clacking his bones. Um, he's also using the binoculars sometimes. Uh huh. Yeah. That's why he can actually see what's happening. Yeah.

Binocular eyes. Yeah. Bev takes you down a trail for 20 minutes, half an hour, and then turns into like some deeper woods. And it's like a more narrow game trail. She's like, this is the way that the logging camp was. This is where the operation was taking place deeper in the woods here. And you're walking and it's very, very dense coniferous forest. A lot of moss. Uh, the light starts getting blocked out in certain places.

And you notice, uh, on a very mossy tree, um, near the bottom, it looks like the moss, the color of the moss changes, uh, from deep green to a very vibrant blue. Stop my pals. Hey guys, look at this. It's beautiful. And you notice on a little closer inspection that it appears to be moving independently, of the moss around it. Oh, gross. All right, let's try it out. So I lick it. Do you really? Really? No. Why? I grabbed him before he can lick it.

It's not a great idea, but this, are you, are you going to try and lick it? No matter what? I'm going to try to lick it. I'm going to try and stop him. All right. Cause it looks disgusting. It's moving on its own. That's it. That's an interfere move. Okay. You can defy danger. Um, constitution. Oh, fuck. 13. 13. 13. Let's see you overpower me. Billy eats all the blue moss. Seven.

Uh, so yeah, you do succeed partially, but that means that you, um, are trying to, you take away two from whatever move he was doing, which would still be an 11. Fuck. Wow. So what does Billy do? He just licks it. Yeah. He just gives it a little. It has that. I mean, in a fantasy world, you would not know, but it has that feeling where like you put your tongue on the end of a battery. Oh, ow. It doesn't. So it doesn't. Yeah. It doesn't like hurt her, but it's like, Oh fuck. What? What?

I shouldn't have done that. I tried to stop you. Sorry. I should have listened. How do you feel? Not good. Oh, I could do it again. No. Okay. Just let him have one more lick. Um, and Bev kind of hops down off Juniper and is crouched and looking at the moss. And she's like, that's I've never seen most like this before. Don't lick it. Thank you. For the tip. I won't lick the moss. Looks like a thing. What's the thing? Uh, uh, like a spirit or like it has spirit.

I'm sensing that it's alive more than just moss. Well, it is moving for sure. Yeah. Um, are you trying to communicate with it? Yeah. I think he's going to try and communicate with it. It crystal hands forward. Mm. Uh, you are very easily for the most part, able to communicate with living things like this, but you sense that this does not have the same sort of connection. To the spirit world as like the moss around it does. And the moss around it is like, what the fuck? Get this muscle. Yeah.

Like, ah, so yeah, they're very, the moss is confused by this blue moss. Yeah. Can we spell lower about it? Yeah, you can spell lower. If you wanted to learn more, try and learn more about the moss. It would be spelled lower. Let's spell lower about it. Yeah, definitely. I got an eight, an eight. Okay. So, um, Perel pops out, he winks into view and he is looking at the moss.

He's like, Oh, and he does that thing where he like, he like jiggles his glasses to make sure they're like firmly on his face. Um, and he gets down and he like is looking at this moss. Very excited. Nobody else can see him except for you three, obviously. And he looks back at you and he says, what is it? This is magical. I knew it. It's like, this is incredible. I don't know why this would be here, but this is magic. What is it? It's moss. It's magically active moss. Oh, wow.

So much insight, Perel. Can you tell us more? Uh, no, I can't. I cannot because I'm not a moss wizard. What kind of wizard are you? No, there's not, but I'm not. Do you know any moss wizards? I have, I have in the past known wizards that worked with moss. Yes. Cool. Hmm. Call Pete. Call one of them. This is like going up to a doctor and being like, something's wrong with my horse. And the doctor says, I don't work on horses. And you say, why not? Because I'm not a horse doctor.

Do you know a doctor? That works on horses? I have known a doctor that has worked on horses in the past. Yes. I have known many people that are specialists in many fields of research. What does the horses have to do with the blue moss? Yes. So is the horse, the moss or is the other moss, the horse? He disappears. Uh, but yeah, so that's what, you know, he says that this is magically active. I turned to Vev and I'm like, is there, has anyone done magic?

Is there magic in your town or is there magic in the history of your town? Maybe? Well, she like kind of, she'd make that face where she's thinking. She makes that face where she's. I love that. That thinking face. She makes, you know, a baby. Yeah. Um, got that big old brain. Um, she's saying this to each other. I got a big old brain. She thinks. And she's like, well, if you go back deep enough in history, it's hard not to find a town that doesn't have a magical past.

Um, I don't know anything specifically, but I believe there were wizards active in the area before all this strangeness happened. Yilliam seems to think that there was a wizard workshop of some kind nearby in the past, but no one's ever found any history of it. I'm going to forage the moss. I'm going to take it. You're just going to rip it up? Yeah. Cool. Yeah. Well, like with purpose. So yeah, you yank it out of the ground. Yeah. And it's a little like, thank you. Yeah.

I'll take this from, from you other moss. You feel it kind of, it does fight you a tiny bit, you know, like when you pick up an earthworm and it's like, no. Yeah. Uh, but it's ultimately futile. Um, so yeah, you've got this moss. Cool. You put it in a mason jar. Yeah. We always forget how loud Ving is. He's extremely loud. All the mason jars and pockets. Oh yeah. Right. Um, okay.

So Ving grabs some of the, the magical moss and, um, um, Bev hops back up on Juniper and mirrors never got off Juniper. He had no interest in getting off. Uh, he's making, he's making a little like bracelet lanyard for a kid. What's his name? Kim. Kim. Yeah. He's making like a little grass, like it's a little bracelet. He's yeah. He's like wrapping it around. It's great. Actually. The hook makes a really good, like a crocheting. Yeah. Um, and you're walking down this trail.

The trees are getting pretty dense. Um, although you are noticing here and there, trees have been cut down like single trees here and there. Uh, and then you smell something. It smells really bad. Really, really bad. Sulfury. Um, fruity. Yeah. It kind of smells like a fart. Yeah. It smells like a really strong fart. Rot. Is it, does it smell like food? It kind of almost. Yeah. It definitely smells like something decomposing. Speaks a lot to your farts. Billy, was that you? What?

Billy doesn't remember. He farts so often. He's wafting from his butt. Yeah. No, it's not for me this time. Uh, I did, but that's not me. Mears is like bundled up his cloak, the edge of his cloak and shoved it over his mouth. It's like, what is that? Are we in danger? Bev? Cabbage skunks. And you hear rustling on the side of the trail and trundling onto the path are these huge plants. And you see little arms and legs coming out of the bottom and a little head.

There's probably five or six of them and they just smell like shit. I pick up, I hold up the ax and I turned to Bev and I'm like, how cute are these things? Should I kill them or is it bad if I kill them? Well, you can see them. They're pretty cute, but they're also pretty tenacious. Okay. If you start anything, they may attack. Okay. I'm going to piss. What? To indicate my, my area. This is mine. Is that what you're doing? Yeah. Cause they're animals, right? Yeah, they are kind of. Yeah.

My instinct. All right. Okay. So you move, do you move out onto the trail like ahead of the, I do it in the middle of everyone. All right. Go for it. At the bottom of your loincloth. And then I'm like, everybody get behind my pit. Bev does move Juniper back just to get away from Juniper. From you pissing. She's like, starts walking the moose back on the trail. She's like, all right, is he, does he do this normally? Not, not a lot. You know, I've never seen anybody try this. So maybe it'll work.

You don't have to roll the piss. Cause it's done. You're like, all right, I piss. And you start rolling a handful of dice. It's to see how well it works. All right. All right. Uh, defy danger. Piss. Piss. Uh, defy danger. Strength. Uh, forcing out piss. Uh, wisdom. I guess it's charisma. It's force of personality, right? You're trying to be like, get out of here. Yeah. I put all, I try and jam all my personality into my, into your piss. 12. All right. Okay.

So you're trying to mark your territory. Yeah. And I'm fucking, I didn't pee when I woke up. I got right into the book. So I have a lot. Whoa. Whoa. Well, it's so great that nobody tried to learn anything about cabbage. She told us enough. She said cabbage scum. Yeah. Tenacious. Yeah. Um, and, uh, they're like, they were pretty happily walking across the trail. Uh, and then you pissed and then a couple of them kind of like sidestep down the trail away from the piss.

But as they part, like the biggest one out of all of them, which probably, they're really low to the ground, uh, but their leaves go up really high. So it's leaves probably extend like six feet off the ground. Uh, and it's this like squat little plant monster with like a kind of snouty looking face on the bottom. Uh, it's black and white. Like skunks are be cool if they're black and white. Okay. This be, this one is more yellow than the other ones for sure.

Um, and it like turns and you see it go like, like it's got, it's snout in the air and then it like hunches down and it starts shaking its leaves. So it goes like, and the smell gets worse. I succeeded though. You succeeded in pissing. Ving takes a poop. Yeah. It's not, it's not moving closer, but it's not moving. Like it's on the trail. Should we approach it kindly? Talk to it. Oh, I mean, yeah. Yeah. I guess you could talk, talk to a plant and an animal. Yeah, that's true.

So what are you trying to say? What's he saying? I'm listening to his, his shuddering. He's saying, get out of here. Get out of here. Yeah, we're going, we're walking through. Get out of here. And I can tell that he's talking to him. I'm like, what's he saying? Get out of here. These are my ladies. Get out of here. Oh, he's protecting his, his, his tribe here. Oh, okay. Well, he's, he's jealous that your pee smells so much. I'm pissing still. I'm pissing still.

It's like the smell is getting worse and worse. Just like move along. Get away from me. Can you ask him if he's seen anything weird with these moss things? Is there anything? Have you ever seen this before? We're leaving a second. Sorry about the pee. On our way out. It's still going. It's still shaking its leaves and you hold up the moss and you see it hunker down even more. And it just goes, no, no, get out of here. Okay. These guys are, these guys are useless and angry.

Can you parlay with him? I think I just did. Let's go. Yeah, he's, he's angry. That's the thing is if you want to calm him down, you'd have to make a roll, like get information out of him. Parlay probably. If he doesn't have it, what, what do we need to know? He probably wants me to stop pissing. He probably does. Uh, well, you can get him to stop pissing. Yeah. And we'll move along. Give me information and this guy will stop pissing. That's a great parlay for this little skunk monster. Oh no.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, four. Well, he's just not going to give you what you want. He doesn't want to talk. He wants you to leave. Like, he's not going to let you walk down this trail. We have to go around. I have an idea. Can I use disguise? Uh, yeah. What do you, what's Billy's plan? Well, I was going to disguise myself as one of them so that he would like trust us and talk to us. Just dress up like a cabbage. Yeah. What is it? Can you read out the disguise move?

I've never used it before. When you have time and materials, you can create a disguise that will fool anyone into thinking you're another creature of about the same size and shape. Your actions can give you away, but your appearance won't. I am the same size. Yeah, you're roughly the same size as a little cabbage skunk. You probably wouldn't be able to, actions wise, you probably wouldn't be able to fool this cabbage skunk. Come on, I could. Get on all fours. Wrestle the things. Stink. Yeah.

Let a bunch of farts. I can do that. All right. Can I roll for it? Well, disguise is just time. You just have time. Well, while they're doing this, I'm making my disguise. Okay. So you've collected enough leaves. Yeah, I stuck a bunch of leaves into myself. Yeah. Can I get on all fours? Do you understand? If you, Jessica, were to disguise yourself as a dog, do you think a dog would believe you? For sure. She was really good at it. Bark, bark, bark, bark. Um, please.

But you can't even communicate with it. That's the thing. I go, I'll just make, I'll, I'll do the miming and then Pink can talk through me. Well, the thing is, is that Billy is definitely dressed like a cabbage skunk now. Like no matter whether or not you can communicate with it, you're dressed like a cabbage skunk. Yeah, I did it. And I even have the black marks around my face already. Yeah. That's true. True. Works. Okay. Yeah. All right. You're dressed as one. So what's your plan here?

Um, I, I crawl or whatever on my fours and I go to the front of our group and I say, hello. Um, they are traveling with me. Yeah. You can't communicate with it. You can't talk to animals, but this thing sees it and it starts rustling. It's just confused now. Like you're, you're kind of, you're hard resetting this cabbage skunk cause it's so there's piss everywhere. There's something that looks like it should be a cabbage skunk, but it's not right that it actually starts backing up.

It like backs up more and more and more. And then it just turns around and runs off into the trees. It was just too, it's just too much. It's gone. It makes sure that you're gone. Okay. Uh, but it's gone, but the smell remains. Okay. And you guys realize that it is, it's in you. Oh, we smell. Yeah. Yeah. We stink now. Yeah. I can't smell anything. Okay. This place sucks. Uh, and Bev goes, it does. It does. I've never seen that tactic with a cabbage skunk before. Yeah.

You'd think it would have worked cause I got an unmitigated success. I will say that it did not attack us. There are a lot of people that have lost a life and limb to a particularly aggressive scabbage skunk bowl before. Scabbage skunk? Is that what I said? Watch your mouth. Cabbage skunk. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

I will say that your quick thinking, uh, your quick dinking, I will say your quick dinking may have saved us from a particularly heinous battle. Oh, that's nice. So nice job there. I suppose. We do a three-way high five. Worthwhile. So quiet. So if you're, if you're ready to put your, your little, uh, your little thing away, we can move on. It's not that little. In comparison. Listen to the rest of your body. It's pretty small. It's the same. It's appropriately sized.

I think for the rest of my body, I think we can all agree. Everybody look. Everyone's already walked on. We're all moving. Standing there saying this. I'm walking behind the group with my loincloth pulled up and I'm like, I think we can all agree. Guys. If everybody looks back, look, Ving. Hey, everybody. I've seen it. Ving, look. We're walking this way now. It's appropriately sized, right? I am too hungover to look at that dick today. Please don't make me today. Yeah, I saw it. I saw it.

I'm here. Okay. You know what? It's appropriate, right? I'm underage. Juniper. He's got like one eye on it the whole time. Yeah. Yeah. The moose kind of swings its head around and is like chewing a mouthful of grass. I'm not asking Billy, but the rest of you look. Everyone but Billy. And that goes on for a while. Billy looks. Billy looks. Billy looks. Billy looks. Billy looks. Billy looks. Billy looks. Billy looks. Billy looks. Billy looks. Billy looks. Billy looks. Billy looks. Billy looks.

Billy looks. Another half hour of traveling through the woods. You notice more and more trees are cut down and the trees start thinning and you come to a clearing in the woods. The sun starts to shine down. Things brighten up and heat up a little bit. The rain seemed to have abated for the day. But what you do see is a whole lot of blue moss. It is sort of spread out over this clearing in the sun. And you see lumps here and there that look like, oh, maybe that was a pile of timber.

That could be a cart or something. Some other lumps of varying sizes that you don't know what those are. And then a particularly large one sort of roughly in the middle. Is this your guys' equipment? I assume so. This is horrible. She hops down off Juniper and starts looking at the moss, sort of towing it here and there. This must be where the camp was. But this wasn't here. I can tell you that much. Let me go digging around and see if there's anything we can find under it. Yeah.

Discern realities. Whoa. Yeah. Ten. Ten. Sweet. So that is three questions from this list. What happened here recently? What is about to happen? What should I be on the lookout for? What here is useful or valuable to me? Who's really in control here? What here is not what it appears to be? Okay. What happened? What happened here recently? This moss grew very rapidly and overtook whatever was going on here. The logging camp, you realize that one or two of the lumps might be roughly body-shaped.

And the big thing in the middle is definitely the tree feller. And there's a cart as well. And maybe a horse. Yeah. So the moss overtook this camp somehow. What's valuable here? There's a section of the moss that didn't grow. There's a patch. There's a patch in the camp that didn't overtake this certain area. And you go over and you kind of rifle around in what was there. And it stinks like alcohol. Hmm. So there's some smashed like whiskey bottles. And the moss didn't grow over the whiskey.

Hmm. And who's in control here? You are digging around in another section of the moss. And the moss is moving while you're doing this. Like it's kind of shifting and rippling as you touch it. And you find there's like a tumble of moss. And you find there's like a tumble of stones near the edge of the more recent cut. And in those stones there's a gap. And you feel a breeze blowing out of this gap in the stones. Whoa. And the moss is like particularly thick at the lip of this hole.

It looks like there's heat coming out, but there's no heat. Yeah. The moss is like moving and like kind of waving up the hole. Whoa. Do you just like let everybody know, hey, there's something over here? Yeah. Yeah. So you're looking into this. What is this? You're feeling the air coming out of the cave. And you're feeling this like deep, wet, like coolness from deep, deep under the earth. And you think you hear from deep, deep in. And that's where we'll end it for this session.

This has been Spout Lore. My name is Sean O'Hara. I'm your Game Master. With me as always, players Abdulaziz. So long, everybody. Paul Oppers. Nighty night. And Jessica Tai. Bye, friends. Thanks to Mark and MP for letting us record in their home again, even though nobody's here again. Thanks to Wes for all the technical stuff. Abdul for all the editing. And then Aaron Reid of Vancouver Sunday Service for our intro and outro music. And thanks to you for listening. See you next time.

And so ends the tale of Adventures 3. Who tried the best they can. Though dumb and scared and lost they be. For time's abreast in revelry. And though our journey may be. May be like a conclusion. We will not leave you without a resolution. Return next week to hear some more. Whilst you commute or do your chores. And for you I gladly Spout Lore.

Now the round friends let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape and wields a spear with great might Peely's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends and listen close For the tale's about to start Welcome back to Spout Lore everybody I'm your Game Master Sean O'Brien I'm your Game Master Sean O'Brien With me as always playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian Abdulaziz Hello everybody Playing Ving the Half-Elf Druid Paul Oppers Hi Playing Fat Billy the Halfling Thief Jusketai Welcome back Welcome back everybody Ourselves Us When last we left our heroes they had traveled into the forests around Pinewood Village With logger slash guide Vevean Aka Veve To track down the reasons for the missing loggers loggers and the hamstrung logging operations of Pinewood Village.

They ran into some aggressive cabbage skunks. Some piss was cast. Some mysteries uncovered. The mystery of how big Tuck's dick is was not solved. Inconclusive. It's inconclusive, but I think we can all agree it's reasonably sized. It's a good size. And also, it was flaccid, so you don't know how big it could get. We don't need to… A grower, not a shower. Maybe. You guys don't know. Who know her, right? Barely knew her.

Some blue moss was discovered by Billy at the base of a tree and taken by Ving, who put it in a mason jar. Oh, yeah, he dumped that out when he saw the other one. He's like, ah, there's plenty. It's valuable. And Perel let you know that it was magically active, for one thing. And upon arrival… Arriving at the clearing where the logging operations were taking place, you found a field of blue moss. Some lumps, some bumps, and some dumps covered in blue moss.

Ving's Sherlock Holmes-ing of the situation revealed that it appeared that this moss has overtaken whatever logging operation was here. And the moss seems to have originated in some way from this small cave mouth that Ving has discovered as well. And upon discovering this… This cave mouth, the group heard from deep within a human voice calling for help. What do you do? I go back. I go up to it, and I'm like, hi. It's a couple seconds, and then you hear even louder. Help. Help. Help. Help.

Help. Help. Help. Help. Help. And Bev is like, oh, there is someone alive down there. And she's looking around, and she's like… I understand this might not be what… Whatever warriors arrived might not be what they signed up for. If you're unwilling to go further, I understand. I'll be going. But you're welcome to join me. I would appreciate it. Long story short, you're not obligated, but… She's just saying this to Ving, and she's being so awkward and weird about it. I just… Let it go.

I want you to know that you can come if you want. You can come if you want. But only come if you want. Don't visit your grandmother unless you really love her. I feel like there's pressure to go. No, no, no, no, no. There's no pressure. But know that I'm going into almost certain mortal danger. You don't have to go if you don't want to, but I will be going. He grabs her arm. I want to go. All right. Then let's go. Billy and I have just been standing there watching it the whole time.

Yeah, and I'm just like, oh, what do I do? I was going to go too, but should we let them go alone? Yeah, it kind of feels like they need to go alone. Oh, I mean, who knows? Who knows what's down there? Well, we all implicitly assumed that we were just going to go down there with you. Oh, okay. That's fine. But do you want to go alone? No. Okay, well, let's go. All right. All right. And Mears is like, so me too? Also me? Also Mears. Do you want to watch the horse? The horse moose?

Watch the moose? Yeah, the moose goes. You could stay up here with all this moss that killed an entire… You're a careful vloggers. Or you can come with us. Are there people like frozen in fear, like a volcano washed over them? You don't see? Because the moss is thick. Like it blankets this area, except for the little spot that you found that was soaked in whiskey. Around the boots. Mears is having a hard time. It's like, all right, well, what's down in the cave probably? It's a mystery.

What if it's something luring us in? Like a siren into the deep underground? Yeah, like those blue flame balls from season one. Yeah, the non-comporeo balls. Yeah. The non-comporeo balls. You guys remember season one of our adventure? Oh, yeah, that's where we met. Yeah. Yeah, you were in season one too, Mears. I remember that. Yeah. That was easily a year and a half ago. I have an idea. What if we throw a rope down there and see what… How big is the hole? Yeah. Yeah.

Hole is, say, like five feet across. Oh, what? You said it's a small hole. It's the size of a toonie. Yeah, I thought it was really small. Oh, it's like tiny little… Little hole? Well, you said it's a small hole, so I thought maybe as big as like a cake. All right. So it's about a cake-sized hole. You know. Billy's so hungry all the time. It's about a cake-sized hole. What kind of cake is it? Yeah. Birthday? Birthday cake. Yeah. Oh, I really want Black Forest cake.

It's Black Forest, but it's a birthday cake. It can't be both. Black Forest with candles. Get this thing out of here. Yeah. But it's a cake for like a kid's birthday, so it's pretty… It's full of money? What? Money cake. Money cake. Money cake? Money cake. I mean, Biden has got money. Yeah. You never had that? Nibbles and dimes and quarters and shit. How do you enjoy the cake if it's full of coins? Because you're just rooting through it for like candy money.

Yeah, kids go through it for money, and you just end up with money at the end of the birthday party. Okay. Or you just bite really hard, and then you'd crack your tooth, and you're like, fuck, I hate this party. I hate money cake. I remember at the end of the money cake, sorry, the money cake era when people would, the moms would wrap them in cellophane because it was more sanitary. That was the problem. Or make sure you wash the money before you bake it in the cake. Yeah. So gross.

You don't want your kid putting dirty money in their mouth. Yeah, you don't want your kids swallowing dirty money. Only clean money goes in Timmy's tummy. Yeah, so it's about the size of a kid's money cake. And yeah, that's the, like, what's the plan then? Yeah, let's get in there. Can we ask the person calling for help? I want to ask them what we can do. Where is he? Like, what? He's talking to us. Yeah. Can we get more information from him? Yeah.

So you're just, it's, he sounds pretty far, or the voice sounds pretty far away. Okay. So we're going in there anyways. Yeah. Because any, like, you just hear help over and over. Even, and if you call out, you just hear help. Oh, Ving has some alcohol on him. And so he's like, wait, here. And he puts a little bit on us, on our heads. Oh. Because he wasn't in the thing. He was just sitting over there. So he pours booze on everyone. All right. So everybody's soaked in alcohol. Yeah. Great. Cool.

We can get in there. Wait, Mears, are you coming with or are you staying? I feel like I should probably come with. Come with us. God damn it. Okay. Up here I know is something bad happened in there. Who can say? Maybe they just fell in, right? Maybe they just fell in a hole. Yeah, sure. And with that, Bev is like, all right. All right. Here we go. And that's great. And Bev is like, ah, perfect. And she hops down and she calls back. It's pretty dark in here. Duh. Anyone have a light?

I go down there with the X. The X glows, right? The crystal glows. Yeah. What colors the light? Purple. Nice. Yeah. Beautiful. So the light, the cavern illuminates. My hands glow? I don't know. Do they? Yeah, they sure do. All right. That's cool. Your hands glow too. Purple hands. Yes. Tuck, you're having a hard time in this cavern. Can I like smash open the opening? You do have an ax that magically smashes rocks.

But the hole is like, if you can try and smash no matter what, it's going to be a smash smash. Yeah. Or you can roll some sort of defy danger to get in the hole in the first place. Because it is the size of a cake. Tuck is five feet across. So can I get in there? How big do you imagine a cake is? I don't know. How rich is this cake? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. So Ving yells down the hole, get some cover. Like, get to cover. We're sending rocks down. And then you can smash open the hole. Is there cover? Can they get to cover? It's a big cave. It's dark. I don't know. Is it a big cave in there? I guess I scream down there. Like, what's it? Does it like open up or anything? Yeah. That's a good question. You hear, help. Oh my God.

I'm talking to Viv. Oh. Viv, she's in the hole. She can't see unless you're down there. Well, Ving, hop down there. Take a look. Yeah, I go down there. I slither in there. All right. It stays pretty narrow for a while. It gets tighter and winds out here and there. But you get to a point where it drops down to like a ledge and then it goes back the other way. And it's a similar sized corridor. You hear the noise coming from further down that way. Yeah. And it's echoing a lot. So.

I'm just going to keep going. Guys, I'm going to keep going. All right. Yeah. Ving. Ving. Ving is heading down. Because you can't fit. I can't fit. I mean, you can smash and fit. Probably. All the way down. Can I fit? Sure. Okay. I'll smash it. Like Dig Dug. All right. With the axe. So, Ving, from above, you hear. Crush. Oh. Okay. Smash. Smash. Tuck's never gone spelunking before. And you feel a couple rocks like clatter down around your feet. And you hear like some rumbling up above.

But you've cut a hole wide enough. That you can shove yourself in. It's not going to be fun. But you can get in. I think it's fun. Okay. So. Feels like I'm a little sausage. I say that to Billy. Who's like in my beard. As I'm shimmying through. I'm trying to push you down. Way to the post. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Get your butt stuck in a honey tree or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. So, you can move. Not comfortably. But you can move. I'm shimmying. Yeah.

And Mears is in the back. Yeah. Yeah. And yeah. So, you all meet up. I imagine. And yeah. You're carrying on down this cave. And you hear help. Help. And it gets a little bit louder. And then you hear like water trickling. Like the sound of running water gets a little bit louder. And you do come out into a wider, taller cavern. Tuck. You can stretch to your full height. And the cavern isn't that high. It's maybe eight to ten feet high at most. But it's an uneven roof and an uneven. Floor.

But you hear water running. Like an underground river of some kind. And you know, the moss was coming out of the hole. So, on the ground, the moss was on the floor of the tunnel the way down. Thicker in spots than others. And as you touch it with the whiskey, like it stops moving as much. So, you're sort of leaving these dead footprints as you carry down the tunnel. And the moss is covering the floor of this cavern as well. And you hear the calls for help. Much, much closer. Going towards it.

All right. You get to a wider section of moss, like a thicker section of moss. And you see what looks like thinner logs sticking out. And they look like the same type of wood that was up above. And when you get close to those logs, you touch sort of the moss nearby. And it recedes in this one spot. And the logs start to move. What do you do? I'm going to roll trap expert. Eight. Eight. Okay. So, how does trap expert work?

On a seven to nine, I get one hold to walk through the area and ask a question. So, what question? And the questions are, is there a trap here? And if so, what activates it? Yeah. And then what does the trap do when activated? Yep. What else is hidden here? Yeah. What should I ask? Is there a trap? Yeah. Is there a trap here? If so, what activates it? Yeah. So, you can see the way that the moss is. The moss is moving on the cavern floor. It seems to be waiting for something.

And you see a pile of what looks like thinly cut timber on the side of the cavern. Like the same kind of wood that was up above seems to have made its way down here somehow. And you see the moss as it shifts and flexes over this pile of timber is moving. Like the timber is moving on itself. And you get the idea that it is hunting in a way. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Something would happen. Oh, man. What do we do? Do we do… Do we fight it? I don't know. It's between… Fight what? It's between you and the hungry moss is between here and where you need to be. What should we do? Is there any… The voice? Can we call it? I'll call out. Make calls out. Hello. Hello. Hello. Yeah. Is it that big? Yeah. It's enormous. No. It echoes a little bit. But there's a number of tunnels that break off from this tunnel.

And it's just that the help is like horse with screaming. But it feels like now instead of being deep underground and down several tunnels, it's maybe a chamber or two away from here. So the way it looks like the moss is going to attack whatever passes like the center room. Yeah, like passes closest to it. Okay. Is there a way to get around it? So that we don't touch the moss and like trick it. Can the thing talker turn into the same rock as the cave and try and sneak by?

I mean, yeah, there's like it is between here and there. How wide is it? Can we jump it? Yeah, you might be able to get somebody over it somehow. Can we jump it? Woohoo! Jump it! Definitely try. It's going to be hard to judge how close you can get before it like starts going. Is there moss all the way up to it? Yeah, it's like a carpet of moss. So the whole thing is a carpet of moss. Billy, can you tell where… He's told us about this trap, right? Can you tell where the hungry moss starts?

Where is it standing? Is it standing near the pool of water? Yeah. It's in the pool of water. But I think it's starting from… Yeah, the waterfall. I'll say that again. Yeah, that's great. It's starting from the waterfall. Yeah, you see this little trickle coming out of like the side of the cavern wall and running down. It's a creek. It's a creek. Maybe a foot, two feet. Not big enough to turn into a… No, it looks old. Walrus. Like it… I mean, you could turn into a walrus if you want.

Yeah, it's like… That little trickle looks like it's been there for a long time. Okay, I'm going to try and jump it. Is that okay? Yeah. Is everyone okay with this? Yeah, try and jump it. Okay. So I like… I chug back to like as far back in the cavern as I can. Mm-hmm. And I run up and then I… Right before I get to like where the waterfall is like I try and jump, I guess, over the moss and the sticks? Yeah, I guess so. Is that how it's oriented? Yeah.

Because like it's just a pile of like branches and stuff. All right. We just see this purple wax like… Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. So that'll be a defy danger. What do we think? Strength for the power of your legs or dexterity for the speed? Probably dexterity. All right. 2d6 plus dexterity. Okay. Oh, yeah. Plus dexterity? Yeah. Nine. Six. Okay. So you partially succeed. Does anyone want to help? Yeah. I build you a ramp. Oh, can Vig turn into a rock ramp? A ramp. Yeah.

With a little bit of spring at the bottom. Yeah. Like at gymnastics. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So you're turning into something that he can jump off of? Yeah, with rings. Complicated moving parts. I mean springs. Sorry. What? No. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. For sure. Yeah. No. Then yeah. Roll 2d6 plus bond. How tall is this cavern? Eight feet? Eight to ten feet. Okay. How tall is Tuck again? He's seven feet. Interesting. Okay. Dive forward. I think it's eight. Yeah. Wait.

Are you shape shifting now? Just for like ramps mostly. Okay. Structure based things. Yeah. Okay. So this is a partial success for both of you. Well, no. So that means that Tuck succeeds. Yeah. Yeah. Just a ten. And yeah. So that is enough for you to do what? What are you doing? Dive. Dive. Yeah. I dive. I run up and then I like Ving's rock form gives me, it gives me like a solid place to push off of. So I don't like slip on the moss or anything. And then yeah, I jump and I do a front flip over.

Maybe you grab a stalactite and use it to swing. Sick. Yeah. I do that. I grab a stalactite on the way. Yeah. And I use it to like push me itself the rest of the way. Push me. Shut up. Yeah. And you kind of land on the other side of this old cave Creek where there is mercifully less moss on this side. And I like I freeze for a second. Yeah. Nothing happens. Yeah. You evaded the moss and the four of you are still on the other side. Yeah. God damn. Guys, the problem solved. Okay.

Can you get, can you hear anything? Do you know what chamber is coming from? Where's the voice coming from? Yeah. I'll head in and I'll check it out. Okay. Yeah. So there's like the wall of the cave that has the waterfall coming out of it. It's a little bit higher off the ground. It's maybe two or three feet coming out of a cleft in the wall. That seems also like it's been eroded over a number of centuries, but you notice another trickle of water that seems a little bit more turbulent.

That's joining that. Hmm. And it's coming through a section of the wall that seems like it recently fell down, like it crumbled in. Hmm. And behind that appears to be a shaped smooth wall that was worked by intelligent hands. All right. Yeah. I just go in. Yeah. And you hear that the calling is getting louder and louder and louder, but it's still very hoarse and airy. So it's, did I just go into like a room that was off the main kind of chamber? Is that what it is? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah.

Um, but through like a. Destroyed section of wall or a wall that, that tumbled in a natural floor that, that fell apart. And, uh, inside you see the water is like rushing on the ground where there's no moss. There's now this like water that's just pouring inside is a small chamber. Uh, it's water mingled with moss. And as you cross into this chamber, you see tables laid out on either side and chairs. The moss thickens up a little bit more against one wall. And there is, um, the.

Remains of a strapping looking person that seems very similar to the people of Pinewood and the moss is growing up over them. But the call for help is loudest here. And the moss flexes and pulls the chest open and then it contracts and you hear. Oh, it flexes out again and it calls for help again. Oh, and then I, uh, I call back and I was like, it's definitely a trap for sure. Oh, fuck. And then being, we just walks forward like what? Yeah.

You step a little too close to the moss and the sticks and logs start to coalesce into this vaguely human shape, uh, where a log touches the moss. It pulls up sort of like a thick mossy hand and it's forming this like part rock, part log, part moss, humanoid shape. And it's like rising up out of the moss. Oh, he said trap, didn't he? And it, uh, it starts to swing at you. What do you do? I, I, I, I, uh, duck out of the way. I dexterity my way out of there. All right. Defy danger dexterity. Wow.

Two. Two, one. Plus my dexterity is at a minus one, making it zero. Oh, wow. Crystal hands. Perfect. I got punched in the face by a moss monster. You sure do. Okay. Uh, give me a D eight. Four. Four. So you take four damage. Okay. As this, um, uh, mercifully soft mossy fist, uh, thumps you in the chest and kind of sends you skidding across the cavern back that way or towards tuck, uh, to the side, like across the river. Yeah. Uh, Bev like hefts her ax and gets ready to fight.

And mirrors is like, ah, no, my God. He's trying to get his sword out of his, out of his scab. Here's just go back. It's like, no, I won't leave my friends. And he pulls his sword out. Uh, Billy, what do you do? Um, I, um, I guess he takes out his dagger and I go at it ready to tear it apart. Yeah, totally. Uh, that's great. Billy might actually have a, Billy has a sneak attack move, doesn't he? Well, it's that shoot first, isn't it? Uh, backstab. When you, uh, yes.

Attack a surprised or defenseless enemy who's currently focused on Ving. Uh, you get to choose to deal your damage. So without rolling, you can just deal your damage. Okay. Uh, or you can roll plus dexterity and choose additional. I would like to roll and then get additional things. Okay. So 2d6 plus dexterity. Please. Fuck. Whoa. Yeah. Yeah. Um, so I got 10. So on a 10, you choose two of these options. Sick. Okay. So I deal my damage plus 1d6. A d8 and then an additional d6.

Seven and then four. So 11. Jesus Christ. Fuck. Yeah. Uh, that's a lot of damage that Billy just dealt. Oh. Um, so how does Billy describe how Billy does that? Uh, Billy just like catapults himself really fast into like the, the main bod of the monster and he starts like hacking away at it's like, um, like all the moss under the feet and legs around it. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah. Moss is shearing and you feel like stick snapping. Yeah. Because Billy's like, how dare you?

You sneak us in here and hurt my friends. I'll kill you. You'll die. Yeah. Um, yeah. Whispering this to, yeah. Like, I see it. Oh my collection. Yeah. Trees and rocks. He's like inside of, I also use my mouth and I tear at it like an animal. Yeah. And you feel it. Can I get that one more to clean up? That's great. Yeah. As, as it touches your mouth, you feel that battery taste again. I handle it. Yeah. Like a champ. Like a battery eating champ. As the stick snaps, you feel.

Look how many batteries he fit in his mouth. What a champ. Billy's so tough. Um, and you do feel like parts of it snap and break a little bit as the, the form shifts and you feel the moss try and shear itself up. Uh, but yeah, you dealt a significant amount of damage to this thing. Way to go. Billy. Billy. Oh, I think I also want to, uh, create an advantage plus one forward to an ally acting on it. Sweet. What is that going to be? All right, mirrors. This is your chance.

If you really want to do something, there's like, uh, uh, yeah. Here's a standing there with this sword in one hand. Just like, um, okay. Plus one to try not to piss his pants. Here we go. Cut back in two, three, four. You just, you just hear him counting going up in the background. Stop counting. Stop counting up. He says to go backwards. He started, he goes, he's at 14. He starts counting down again, but then when he hits 70, he goes back up. Yeah, totally. Oh, you know what?

Yeah, uh, totally. And the advantage, I think the advantage can also be that Bev kind of wades in and starts swinging at this thing. So now it's trying not to, it's trying to kill Billy and, and Bev at the same time. It's like, oh my God, there's too many people here. I'm going to feast. Whoa. Um, and yeah, tuck, you're in this room with a screaming corpse and you look around. And there are a couple other corpses down here too. Are they screaming too? Uh, no, just the main one.

Uh, it's really wet in here too. Yeah. Right. Wet. Um, and, uh, the moss starts like picking the corpse up. Which one? Oh, we can, uh, Bernie's all of them. Yeah. The, the moss is flexing around these bodies and like picking up the corpses to stand up on their own two feet. And like the moss is holding them up from the legs. What the fuck? It's these weird sort of puppety people.

One of them just grabs like, it might've been a candle holder at one point, like a tall metal candle holder and just grabs it with a kernel mustard. Yeah. Yeah. It's going to get you the candlestick. The other one picks up a rope. The other one picks up a gun. Whoa. Yeah. I've never seen one of those before. The first time the first gun, uh, no, it just picks up like a metal rod basically. And they start moving towards you. What do you do? Ooh, this is the first time I'm fighting with the ax.

Oh yeah, that's true. Yeah. I use it for fight. Is that what you're doing? Can I move? That's the move I use for fight. Axe. 2d6 plus ax. Yeah. So, uh, slash. Yeah. I, uh, tuck is actually kind of scared of zombies. Who wouldn't? Why? Uh, cause there's a, there's a festival in McCall. There's a zombie fest. Uh huh. Oh wait, you want to tell me about that zombie festival for a point of experience? I was giving you an opening there. There you go. So tell me about the zombie festival.

Uh, look, every year, uh, in the, in the, uh, autumnal season, there is a zombie fest in, uh, McCall where, uh, the, uh, the zombies that live on the broken shores come back. Like there's all these, so the broken shores of the, the, uh, the salt flats on the one side of McCall and there are, uh, desiccated, uh, the dead husks of people that like walked out into the salt flats and died and then dried out.

And then they return once a year to the city, uh, to wreak havoc on the people who didn't come to save them on the salt flat. Hold on. So this is a festival. Once a year, McCall is attacked by zombies. They call it a festival. They tried to rebrand it. I thought it was like a Dia de los Muertes thing where it's like once a year, they say the corpses of the people will return. Unless you do this thing. That's just what tourism McCall said. Yeah. It's the tourism, uh, agency of McCall.

They really tried to rebrand it as a Dia de los Muertes type thing, but it's like a lot of tourists died during that. Mostly Muertes. Yeah. So once a year, McCall is attacked by salt zombies. Salt zombies. Yeah. Uh, so yeah, those are the memories. Tuck is reliving as he's being attacked by these moss people. So he's very frightened. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

So I don't think he's going to fight them. He's not going to use X for fight. He's going to use it for run. Okay. All right. So he smashes cause it's, it's rock walls, right? Yeah. So he just uses the ax to like smash through the closest wall. Oh. And I imagine it being like that guy from a X-Man that runs through walls. The juggernaut. Yeah. Like he's just running and smashing every wall in front of him. Yeah. He's like, cause I imagine there's like a lot of rooms here.

So he's just, like he's like smit he like runs sideways into a wall smashes and then whatever he if whenever he hits another wall yeah just through it again wow and he so he's not even running back towards his friend he's so frightened he doesn't know what the right direction is okay um yeah he runs through a bunch of rooms like you come describe all of them in detail okay how many okay how much work how much preparation did you do for this do you want an honest honest answer so roll a d6 so you're gonna roll a d6 and this is gonna be the number of rooms that tuck runs through because he's not even running in a straight line he's running just like the first wall he sees he's like smash so scared he feels like a child again one of the zombies stole his pet rock uh so yeah give me a d6 this is gonna be the number of rooms that tuck discovers while he's running through six great great so this room is the one with tables and moss and stuff like that this doesn't count this doesn't count as a six as one of the six rooms uh is tuck taking in any of this or is he just running through he's getting glimpses okay so you get a glimpse of um what look like rotted bookshelves with like piles of moldy paper and scrolls and stuff all over the place what's two of the book title no you're running through one thing you get glimpses of book titles yeah so you see the and you see um you see the and you see abridged you eat fucking dick do you want a book title give me one kujo there's copy whoever lived here liked kujo um you see advanced thaumaturgic dynamics okay for beginners and that's huge yeah it is and you run right through it you just see beginners I yeah and then I'd see that right before I smashed through the wall that has the bookshelf on it yeah yeah you've just burst through a bookshelf in the next room this one has uh some cauldrons and uh chests that maybe held food and you burst right through that one anything labeled um yeah there's a can that says peaches what the fuck and in my mind I'm like oh I haven't had peaches in a long time smash zombies this you smash through the wall and you realize that you're stomping through a bed like the wall the bed was on the wall that you came through your knees are bouncing back too high oh yeah yeah how much thread count does it feel like is the sheets oh it's so soft okay smash and what else is in places bathtubs coins endless coins and you smash right through and um yeah a bathroom one is just like it's a really small room and it's got a box with a hole in it and there's a book and that's where I end that's the last room uh no and then you burst through that wall and you come out like into the cavern okay cool that your friends are in because you basically just went in a big circle yeah and I'm still screaming and the zombies are behind you like they're like you you burst through and you see your friends fighting this big moss stick thing and um I scream zombies yeah so runs into the room and he burst through it he's like zombies and then uh three moss covered people like shamble into the room behind him being ferried along by the moss oh my god and um mirrors takes this opportunity to go and he lifts his sword and um he starts hacking at the moss thing too and that leaves the perfect opening for ving yeah has been slammed across the room uh I I can billy with his uh thing that he turns uh bark into jerky can he get some more spirits out of the water that's in this room can we get some well you're a spirit guy no like booze oh yeah scream at me tell me what to do billy we need more booze oh for sure okay I I dive into I dive into the water I hold onto my daggers and I start thinking about milk um oh right but you know what right yeah that's what I was thinking too okay so billy hits the water and um is he is he doing it like I'm taking water in his mouth he's like no I'm doing it like this like I'm like almost like I'm trying to keep afloat and uh treading water treading water and all the water that I'm rippling is like milk yeah you see milk start running down the cavern stream behind him that's it looks like he's shitting his you know it's over the diarrhea and it creates a cloud around yeah exactly exactly uh you know how everyone knows how that happens in a pool with diarrhea yeah you know you know how we how we've all had diarrhea in a pool and during a middle school hot tub girl uh christmas is part of my life already yeah uh billy's in the in the river making milk uh making milk fucking loving it yeah this was a great idea and is that what bing's trying to do yeah yeah I thought I thought that would work but it's not working can he instantly ferment this milk uh I mean probably not billy's magic is still untested right well I better crystal knife up my hands and chop into some zombies uh so are we so was this hack and slash yeah so just just roll hack and slash wow a little bit better uh plus strength six six six uh plus billy gave you an advantage right so it's oh yeah I did oh yeah nice nice yeah it's a pass thanks billy no problem yeah that's that's that's some classic role-playing game combat shit cool uh so roll your damage three you start hacking at it but you're hitting a lot of rock oh yeah and um you're chipping away at the rock but you don't get the idea that you're doing any significant damage to it and while uh you're doing that it roll the d8 again because with seven to nine on hack and slash you do your damage and they deal their damage uh yeah it just brings up like a loggy knee and nails you right in the chest oh worst fights tuck you've burst into the room yeah I see uh van get kneed by this guy so I I pull up my axe and he's made out of rock he's got rock in him is it it's rock and rock and moss okay can I do like a thor style like jump and like smash down as hard as I can well go ahead and roll hack and slash let's hope that that sticks in the ceiling yeah if he remembers how low the well it smashes rock so it would just be like okay destroy the cavern hack and slash five plus seven seven go ahead and roll your damage five okay again you don't do a huge amount of damage like you hit it pretty stop looking trying to cheat see the power hit point is it really I didn't know I was just sorry you're cheating no I'm just trying to see it all okay I'm sorry no that was great um so but with the rock smashing ability of your axe um you hit it in the same like arm that bing was trying to hit it on and you hit the rock and it just blows the yarn clean off wow yeah you do a little bit of damage but now it's like at a disadvantage yeah and I pick up the axe and I'm like I fucking love this uh bill billy's waiting in the water making milk uh which sounds like a thing right yeah no making milk um okay fine fuck it's only gross if you think it is everyone um so uh and billy gets the idea that maybe it wasn't as helpful as he thought it would be well billy immediately remembered that only he like milk is really only a problem for him and he sees everyone else drink milk all the time without any problems yeah he's learned to be able to talk about it at his ma meetings yeah um so he's like well what does everyone else drink and he remembers wine so he's he's like make wine he says it to himself this is gonna be this has got to be because he doesn't he usually makes things that he likes yeah so wine is hard now he's got a taste for wine oh great I mean it's not gonna be very good wine 26 plus charisma um uh eight eight okay great you are kicking around making a bunch of wine well you're so you're kicking around you're like wine wine wine and the water around you starts getting purple yeah and then flowing away down the cavern sick um but it's like flowing ahead of you too like up river so it's you start to make wine in this river and then you look up to the other side of the cavern where the fight isn't happening and you see three moss covered shapes start shambling down the side towards you and they're like reaching for you these horrible moss covered people oh my god can I go under the water uh yeah you can try and get away so that'd be a defy danger dexterity oh eight you can get away but as you're kicking around something in your pack gets loose no yes fine okay so pick something in your in your pack to lose forever um the goblin poison okay the little crystal cup with the goblin poison yeah yeah so the crystal cup um you see it you see the glitter as it falls out of your pack with the weird little cap you made for the goblin poison and it sails away down the river and it's gone forever fuck you can get away but as you're kicking around something in your pack gets loose but in kicking so hard that that falls out the moss zombies like reach for you and they can't quite get a grasp on you yeah but wine is being made in this river now yeah so it's alcoholic now so we gotta channel it yeah I was thinking of like channeling it around like putting a circle around us at least or a moat somehow so that the zombies coming in can't get us while we do yeah deal with the rest of this we've got elemental master or whatever it is yeah that's what I was gonna say build a elemental like moat to channel in the wine around us and build a moat to channel in the wine around us and build a ring of wine for the zombies not to be able to cross yeah nice so 2d6 plus what is it wisdom for elemental mastery yeah seven seven so choose one the effect you desire comes to pass you avoid paying nature's price and you retain control so you have to pick one of those things I guess I'll have the effect come to pass so I don't retain control that seems to be right up his alley okay so you what you like use that you carve a little thing yeah I call it up and all these things are like these things are like these things are like these things are like these things are like these things are like these things are like around and they form us more like a wall and the wine diverts around from the stream and starts flowing in around us in this little dyke nobody nothing we all tried so hard we all tried so hard jessica's the one that broke this time sorry I just look and I see a dual she has a very chivalric grin uh cherubic yeah you said chiberic yeah you know like a chiber yeah it's chiber um so you make a little whatever chiber is a stoner bear that shows up what's up guys it's chiber it's me chiber uh so you make this little moat and yeah whatever effect billy's created like the wine's coming off of him but now it's like sort of self-replicating like it's eddying around and the wine is just like getting stronger and stronger in the water and you create the moat and the moat starts to fill and then the moat rises above the edges that you created and the cavern starts to fill just a little bit with wine with wine whoa and uh the effect on the zombies they they fucking hate it yeah you see that you see the moss on the bottom of this big one start to like uh wither and it's trying to keep it together it's like stepping up above the rocks and trying to climb the cavern and it starts to actually stick to the walls of the cavern and like creep up it above you so it doesn't seem like it can touch the ground anymore but it's hanging above you in this weird sort of marionette pose creepy and these zombies they're having a much harder time because they've got this sort of organic human like rotting corpse component that they're not able to keep uh keep up with now that they're starting to come apart a little bit you notice that a lot of the zombies are trying to or the moss at least is trying to stick to one specific corpse they're all trying to move around this one body what that's those are the corpses that were following me yeah okay the price that you pay for nature is um the water from the river the wine starts to rush up your body and starts pouring in your mouth and within moments you are wasted and I'm like here we are again you're like embarrassingly oh god barely functioning he's like uh david hasselhoff drink eating that sandwich yeah exactly like what are we doing yeah so you're trying to keep control of this and it's just impossible so the wine is getting out of control and the zombies are starting to freak out and they don't know what to do and the moss monster's on the roof and uh vev um who's still swinging at the moss on moss monster on the roof it reaches down she like whacks off uh fuck dammit finish that sentence finish what you were saying it reaches down and she chops off um a little like mossy stick tendril and she's just kind of chopping it whatever chopped its little mossy dick off it's becoming less humanoid yeah as it stuck to the wall it's becoming this sort of like a roof octopus looking thing and she's chopping away those animes that I have seen and uh she says sorry she's she's calling to tuck actually she's like is there anyone here worth saving and she's like chopping away you said there was one of the guys that one of the bodies the moss seems to like be reaching towards is one of the zombies it's one of the zombies yeah you can discern realities during combat I should say oh okay can I discern reality like I because I that's just something that we've never done that I realize is very important yeah can I discern realities on that guy like do it so you're like trying to keep an eye on him yeah because it is weird that he's and I'm and she's like is there anyone worth saving so I'm like maybe this guy like yeah yeah yeah yeah go for it so 2d6 plus wisdom wozers um 12 okay so you get three questions from discern realities is there anyone here worth saving it's not a question can I trade in three questions for one for that one one question yeah so the questions are what happened here recently what is about to happen what should I be on the lookout for what here is useful or valuable to me who's really in control here what here is not what it appears to be okay I'm going to take three of those questions rearrange the letters and the words oh yeah so that it says who here is worth saving yeah and the answer is ask three questions from the list well what about what's valuable you see around the waist of the person the corpse that the moss is like moving towards aggressively they're all all the moss seems to be trying to focus on um what looks like a small leather bag that's being worn around the waist of the center zombie yeah all the moss is focusing on that leather bag yeah it seems to be trying to grab at it you know that he wears it around his waist yeah it's like a fanny pack it's like a fanny pack yeah he's got a little sort of fanny pack and tuck rolls his eyes like what a fucking loser what who's really in control here this fanny pack I mean kind of yeah it seems like the moss is reacting and acting because of that whatever he's wearing uh you do know this because like the fanny pack is in charge the moss is reacting to that the people are dead 100 like unquestionably those are corpses what happened here recently oh okay yeah the rooms that you sprinted through and the people and the fanny pack and the moss and all the magic shit that's going on you believe that these three people who may have been who are probably loggers from pinewood discovered this cave when exploring found that zone in there like they as they were digging through walls like the wall that was destroyed the one that you found they uncovered some sort of magical thing uh likely the fanny pack is magical I know does it come with rollerblades you don't know what it holds who knows you don't know what mysteries the fanny pack holds um and so they they it's basically the classic they dug too deep too hungrily and those loggers as they always do fucking loggers started with trees and just kept chopping and the whatever magic is contained within the fanny pack um magically charged the water which magically charged the moss which led to this whole problem oh big yeah what's drunk and wrecked he's hammered billy your wine is fucking awful yeah yeah I don't know what good wine is but yeah so this is all is tuck yelling this stuff out yeah and billy you're closest to us to all this because you were in the wine when it was like a river yeah so I'm like billy the fanny pack oh the fanny pack I know what that is um fuck I'm a thief I can do it he's saying yeah he's saying make a uh uh distraction or I mean if you're just trying to steal this I'm just trying to steal it could be a defy danger dexterity yeah okay like trade craft or something I don't um he's got tricks of the trade but it's for like if it's a like a lock when you pick locks or pockets or disable traps oh boom pockets pocket yeah so you're trying to steal from somebody technically a giant pocket yeah um the purse pocket okay I steal the purse pocket so 2d6 dexterity so I got 10 10 okay on a 10 plus you do it no problem yeah so wait did you say dab yes billy dabs yes or jessica no billy dabs he jumps out of the water dabs and then with his hand the furthest hand from him he grabs the fanny pack and it slips off the waist uh yeah it pulls through like the spine it just goes like yeah I hold it together yeah and you've got the fanny pack and the top of the fanny pack and you've got the top of the fanny pack and you've got the top half of the moss person like falls off yeah and the moss is trying to pick it up but you see the moss is like reaching ever so slightly for the fanny pack uh I fuck off I scoop up billy yeah the wine continues to rise and uh vev is like still hacking at the moss thing on the roof and mirrors is like he doesn't know what to do he can't even reach the moss monster um and they're all like we should go yeah we should go now can we get out uh yeah everybody give me a defy danger dexterity seven five eight you got a five I got a five can we both aid no a thousand times um okay um everybody books like tucks too big yeah it's ving singing closing time yeah everybody's wrapping up uh the moss monster is swiping at people from the roof drunk you mcgee get out and I'm fucking not getting out it's incredible when you love to know your big galoot vev like grabs him by the shirt and is like come on you idiot and you're beautiful idiot you're beautiful fool and start shoving him up I love you when you're quieter she just like grabs you very firmly by the belt and throws you up the tunnel and uh she climbs up after and um billy you are kind of wading through the wine to get to the edge of the tunnel yeah and tuck is behind you and you turn around and tuck roll me a d8 tuck four uh so you take four damage well three three damage as this thing just smokes tuck on the side of the head oh my god and and he hits the ground and like kind of goes under the wine a little bit and you can leave but tuck will be here oh I uh who's in front of me mirrors is like trying to get out and he's like oh I'm like trying to get out mirrors catch I throw the fanny pack oh yeah he he hooks it with it he hooks the strap on his hook and he's like are you what are you doing I'll be up in a second okay and the wine levels continue to rise yeah what does billy do um I go under to wake up tuck okay you're swimming through this yeah this purple liquid uh-huh and tuck is like his eyes are your eyes are open tuck but you're like pretty disoriented okay yeah and you see this uh little orb swim through the wine towards you yeah and I respond what's billy doing to get him tell him wake up okay so give me another defy danger maybe constitution to like shake yourself right yeah so he's slapping up my face under the wine trying to wake me up yeah 15 15 hi aid four fail 15 okay so um you ving or tuck you wake up you burst out of the wine billy in one hand a little drunk yeah and um yeah you're a little wasted billy's not feeling so hot either sopping red and um as you reach up billy roll a d8 real quick eight whoa oh do you have any any armor or anything uh uh uh just say yes no I don't think no I don't think I'm gonna be able to do that I'm gonna be able to do that I'm gonna be able to do that yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes relatively relatively easier time getting out of the tunnel and you burst out of the top and vev and ving you're at the top and uh mirrors is laying on his back with his sword in one hand and the fanny pack on his hook just like panting um and he's being nudged by juniper and uh yeah you're all sort of out of the top and you see the moss has started to die away but it's reaching a little bit for the fanny pack from where you are can I cover the the lid put a rock lid oh yeah top of the the hole yeah two to six plus wisdom oh god you rolled it too okay four god uh holy moly I've done three of those today so you are like standing over the cavern um you know hands out uh you trying to be like obey me yeah just hammered yeah fucking shit face yeah and um you feel the spirits and the rocks start to respond and then you feel the ground start to rumble and the tunnel does start to like collapse in and it starts to close and then you just feel the ground underneath you drop a little bit and from where you're standing you're able to like ride it out yeah you're able to ride it out more or less but the whole area where like the moss and the tree fell and all that stuff was just collapses inward and the tree feller tumbles into a hole in the earth sinkhole do we fall into the sinkhole too no you're on like the edge of it thankfully okay um so you're you kind of slide a little bit but it's not too bad like it's not a full sinkhole but like parts of it are collapsing you get the idea that the the living area that you were in has like completely been destroyed and the tree feller tumbles into a hole and um after the dust settles and everything's been sucked underground somehow um vev is just laying there like grabbing onto a tree root uh to not fall in the hole and she goes well I don't know if you're gonna get paid for this one this has been Spout Lore welcome to a catastrophic failure in the in the party's history I'm your game master Sean O'Hara with me as always uh players abdulaziz I think for a period of time I thought it we were hired as landscapers for the little bit of it Paul Oppers uh he's pretty hungover really hammered and jessica tie thank you for listening thank you to west lord for all the technical stuff thanks to abdul for all the editing aaron reed for the intro and outro music uh and thank you to mark and mp for allowing us to record in their beautiful home and thank you to you for listening maybe give us a review on itunes a nice one yeah fuck you whoever gave us two stars show yourself call me on my phone look me up on the internet we will set we will set a date and time we will fight this out oh you're gonna fight okay yeah oh I'm not giving them anything good that's what you get oh wait wait no what's okay you're gonna give my phone number but I'm a girl yeah I think everyone is pretty respectful no they're not no jessica's phone number oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh and nice and excited and it's fun for us for everybody thank you so much for listening see you next time bye-bye and so ends the tale of adventures three who tried the best they can though dumb and scared and lost they be for times of rest in revelry and though our journey may be like a conclusion we will not leave you without a resolution return next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores and for you I'd gladly that's fair that's fair that we wouldn't get paid you know what I was gonna fight you on that we could fight her next time no I'm looking at the destruction I yeah it's a cascading failure I raise my finger to like yell at her about it and then I look back and I'm like fair totally fair

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape, and wields a spear with great might Peely's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends, and listen close For the tale's about to start Hey, what's up everybody?

Ha ha ha! Welcome to Spout Lore, I'm your Game Master Sean O'Hara And with me as always, playing Fat Billy the Halfling Thief, Jessica Tai Good morning Playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian, Abdulaziz Hello! And playing Ving the Half-Elf Druid, Paul Opps Good afternoon! When last we left our heroes, tragedy had befallen them Following a horrible fight with a moss monster, the fight went fine for the most part Billy…

Got hurt Got hurt pretty bad, got gashed across the chest Took ten points of damage I think Shit! Yeah, it was like eight points which is It was just the most that that thing could inflict He's like Sagat Yeah, yeah, he's got the Sagat scar across his chest now Cool An escape was made, a fanny pack was acquired, who knows what it does or what it is, maybe it's just a fanny pack No, you told us it was magic Who can say for sure?

Also, a fanny pack is never just a fanny pack True, it's an accessory, it's a statement It's a crime It's a crime It's a crime It's a crime It's a crime It's a crime It's a crime It's a crime It's a crime It's a crime It's a crime It's a crime It's a crime It's true, it's an accessory, it's a statement It's a lot It's a cry for help Like where's my bus pass?

And it ended with just the job going so so south as Ving attempted to close the mouth of the cave in which you had been fighting It's closed, okay It is It is Mission accomplished The cave is closed Yeah, the cave is so closed that it doesn't exist anymore As the spirits of earth that Ving attempted to call got out of control, collapsed, the cavern underneath which you stood or above which you stood sending the tree feller into a hole in the ground and billy uh also turned a river into wine and now billy has a little mechanical support in uh in the way of a brand new move that we have created called switcheroo he do which maybe which maybe we'll get a chance to use today who knows so with that being said we open on the three of you and mirrors and vev in yuliam's office yuliam is sitting at a desk with his hands over his face a deep deep sigh uh escapes his mouth as he looks at all of you with a wooden clothespin over his nose all right we suck and and says so you understand that we will not be paying for your services yeah I mean you didn't you hadn't promised anything even to begin with oh I think you'll remember that we promised you a delicious delicious that we promised you delicious a deliciously stylish bedroom set including armoire and I think a bed frame yeah we told you we couldn't take that and you will not be taking it anyways we didn't even want it we we got the revelry instead you got the revel oh you thought that was your payment our reward is that justice has been done to to who or what uh tuck tuck it away like you shouldn't you shouldn't be upset about the tree feller you should be happy that we discovered this imminent threat to your town and possibly destroyed it partially yeah right this boss yeah yes it's magically active moss though being pulled out this moss and it's like you dumped it out you dump it out I did on his face on his face on his face on his this you just this moss and holds up an empty mason jar you said last episode that you dumped it out god damn it like this is a fucking problem for you man like this moss killed dozens of your loggers dozens like yeah everyone was dead you should be more concerned about that than the oh every life lost in pinewood is a is it is a trash a a a well and also you can't go now well I mean yeah you'd have to like dig it out great and he says okay okay even if there was a room full of coins under the ground what am I supposed to do with that information well I mean that you're kind of missing the point wait what is the point the point is the fucking town is in danger oh yeah that yeah for sure look at this cut I got and Billy opens up the chest region and William goes oh my lord yeah this is just a small taster of what could happen to all of you do you need medical attention put some polysporin root on that oh yeah I don't feel very good so yes okay I'm gonna make up and use one of my poultice herbs to get some little oh shit oh shit I forgot we all forgot wonderful so William William William William William William William William William William William William William William William William William William William William William show you.

Yes, please do. Please do. Okay. Let's take a field trip. So you take him to the tree and he is up close to this little patch with his like little glasses on his nose and he's looking real close. Oh, this is unusual. What would you suggest in terms of dealing with this threat? Don't lick it like I did. And it doesn't like wine. Any alcohol. Any alcohol. Oh, oh, okay. And he pulls a little he pulls a flask out of his like coat and opens it and pours it on the pours it on the moss.

And yeah, it just shrivels up and dies in front of him. Oh, okay. Well, this seems manageable. How much moss did you say that it was? It felt like a lot. Fucking acres. Huh? It was loud when I talked to it. There's a lot of weight behind it. Oh, okay. Well, thank you for this information. Well, we're sorry that you're gonna have to spend all your booze on this moss now. I know you guys like to party.

Speaking of which, it's at this point while you're all standing around this tree that Merbo runs up like breathless with a bucket and he's like, Yelium, Yelium! And he gets kind of to the radius of you and stops and goes, oh, covers his nose. He goes, Yelium, you're gonna wanna see this. And we cut to Yelium follows Merbo all the way down to the shore of the lake and the waters of the lake, have started taking on a deep purple color. Oh, Jesus.

And everybody is just standing at the shore of the lake like aghast. There's just this wide expanse. It's still mostly lake, but where you're standing, it's just deep purple. Oh, shit. Man, they are fucked. Shut up. You guys are fucked. Fuck. And Yelium turns to all of you and goes, why didn't you say? Uh, what, did I say wine? I don't think we said wine. Yeah, I don't. I think it was a Merlot. Yeah. Yeah. Let me taste this Merlot. It's actually a Chardonnay. I don't know.

It's not technically a wine. And Merbo, Merbo stomps back up like, to where you're standing with the bucket. And he goes, yeah, it's wine. And he takes a big swig and he spits it out. And he goes, it's bad wine. Hey, now. But it is unmistakably wine. Well, now you can defend your city from the moss. We better get going. And Yelium, this is the thing is he's just kind of pissed. Like he's pissed and he's confused. But are we going to fuck this town if they don't have any water? I mean, who knows?

Like the way that the, as far as, as far in as you were to the woods, when you, when Billy made this wine, this could fuck up water supplies for like miles around. So the whole forest is going to die. Who knows though? It's not just, that's the thing is it's not just wine. It's magic wine. Right. You know what I mean? Like it's not, who knows what's going to happen? The world is weird that way. And also it's like the way that the workshop was set up.

Is this wine, the source of it was like, uh, surrounding what could potentially be a wizard hotspot. So this could just be a whole situation. Can I, can I wait in? Yeah, certainly. I'm going to try to fix this. Oh, interesting. Using Billy switcheroo. Yeah. I'm going to try it. It's worth a shot. All right. What's Billy want to turn it back into? Water. Just water. Yeah, for sure. Uh, this is, this would be on a massive scale. Oh yeah. Yeah. Cause it came about due to a seven to nine, I think.

Yeah. With an untrained move, but okay. Yeah. Let's get it at the source. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, we can definitely try. So what's built, what does this look like? Well, Billy, uh, like belly flops into it. Well, I guess onto his back actually. So back flops onto it and he's like, just stop it. He yells at the wine and he starts like floating around like a little fish. All right. Wine angels. Yeah. Wine angels. Oh, that don't look good. Oh, Billy drowns.

He doesn't even matter about anything else. You rolled two ones. Yeah. Sean. That's the rarest roll. Yeah. So that means I succeed. You failed. So hard. Jessica, you failed so hard. It went back around to a success. Came to the other side of a success. Okay. Mark a point of experience. Okay. I'm going to not use those dice again. Uh, okay. So what do we think happens? A catastrophic failure.

I kind of imagined like the, the wine Lake gang all pissy and just like starting to like, like leave, like dry up or sink back into the ground. So the Lake is like emptying. So I told it to stop. Right. Yeah. Cause you're talking to these things like they're people. Right. So yeah. Okay. So Billy's in the Lake and he's doing his best to affect his fairy magic. And as you're all saying, standing on the shore, it, the level just starts to go down. Oh, it's working. Oh yeah.

Not extremely quickly, but like centimeter by centimeter, it's just lowering. So essentially, yeah, we're seeing like the tide go out on all sides of the Lake. Yeah. Yeah. And it gets like maybe half a foot out while you're standing there, but on all, like on all edges of the shore. Fuck. It's not working. Uh, can Ving try world talker? Yeah. I mean, yeah, sure. Yeah. Um, see the patterns of makeup, fabric of the world.

You can apply your spirit, tongue, shape, shifter, and study essence to pure elements. Like wine is a pure element. So you're trying to talk to the Lake. I'm trying to talk to the water to convince it. Come back. Yeah. Yeah. So you, um, reach out and make contact. Oh, you don't have to roll for this. You just talk to it. Yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Vings wasted by the way. He dives into the Lake. I feel like Bing might have a drinking problem since we came back from the spirit. Yeah. Yeah.

He can't find himself. He died. He feels different. He's dead. He doesn't know what to feel. He says what he's singing and like doing the backstroke and drinking or in wine. I'm talking to Billy. I'm like, it's weird. Cause he's aware of the emotional problems that he's covering up with the alcohol. Yeah. Uh, you reach out and connect with the spirit of the Lake and it's like, Hey man, what's going on? Oh, hell no, dog. What's up? It's good to see somebody, man. I'm just having a crazy day.

You don't know how it goes, man. You're so cool. Stop. You're my favorite element. Seriously. You're my favorite element. It's been so long since I've talked to a Druid. What's up, man? I love you, man. I love you, man. I love you, man. I'm going to take you to a place where you can have a good time. Where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you going? Where am I? What? I'm just going to underground, man. It's nice down here. No, it's so nice up here.

Stay up here, man. Look at all these people. Yeah. Yeah. Look at all these trees. They love you. Oh, that's nice. Cause you know who hates me right now? Is the fish bro. They are not happy. You know what else? What? I think you hate you. What? I think that's why you're so drunk right now. I don't know, man. What do you mean? What do you mean? Why are you drinking so much? It's just the way that it goes. You know, man, I'm just a leak, bro. You took to it so quickly. Like a fish in wine.

I don't know. I have a fucking problem, man. I don't know what to do. Those are fish. This is a poor fish, man. You know, it's just a fish. He doesn't know. There's a frog. Oh, my God. The frogs. I don't know, man. I think I should go. I got to go. I'm going to get out of here. You can't go. Anywhere you go, there you are. You need to stay here and deal with this. Come back to water. You got to roll something. A parlay? A parlay. Yeah, a parlay. What are you offering the lake?

I'm offering the lake a chance to be whole again. Parlay is tricky because you need to have something that they want. Maybe there's industry. Yeah, purpose. Yeah, there's purpose. The water seems so sad about the fish and the frogs. Oh, yeah. You're just like, you are the vessel of life. For this whole world. You are the entire world. The entire environment. And these guys aren't dead. They're not dead. They're just really drunk. Yeah. Everybody can live. All the seaweeds can live.

You can be the place where life exists. You can purify everything. The trees. The trees can stay healthy. And they'll keep the town healthy. The salamanders. Think of the salamanders and crawdads. I guess, yeah. Maybe Ving is like, we need reasons. We need reasons to convince this lake to turn back into water. The salmons. Think of the salmons who live at the end of the lake. The salmons. Think of all the little kids that will be able to play on you without getting fucking shit. Yeah.

Think of all the sandcastles that are going to be covered in flies all the time. Yeah. Nice. Think of all the people that go swimming. They come out so sticky. Yeah. Think of the boats that won't work. Think of the dogs that go galloping into your waters. And they come out and their paws are so sandy and mucky. Okay. So the lake starts receding. Like, it stops receding. It's receding for a little bit. And it's like, you think I can still help? I think you can. This town needs the lake.

Wine or water. Whatever. They love you, man. And you love them. Really? Yeah. Right, guys? Yeah. Yeah. You say right, guys, and they're like, what? What? He's just standing there and he says, right, guys? And then everyone goes, yeah. Because they know. They know. Weird shit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The yes and. All right. Roll a 2d6 plus. What is that for parlay? Charisma? Charisma. Holy shit. 12. 12. Fuck yeah. Unmitigated success. Success. Because, you know, Ving is saying this to himself.

He realizes he's like the lake of wine. Yeah. Wow. Like, people around him need him. Sober. Yeah. Yeah. That's true. The lake hears and sees all this support from you, the group of you. You know what? Yeah. You're absolutely right. You're right. You're just. I just. You got a wave. You. That's just good. And you've got a wave of you. He starts splashing around. Yeah. You little guy. He splashes against your legs a little bit. That's really weird. Don't. Okay. I can't do. I can't stick.

I can't help. You can do it. Ving starts leading a chant. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Are we supposed to chant along to this? This is what Tuck is saying. Are we supposed to chant along? Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. I don't know if we're yelling at the lake or with it. And you know what happens? Is the shores pull back up to the edge of the lake a little bit. And you see something. You see some of the fish that plopped up to the top of the water. Mm-hmm. Like kick. And then dive back under.

You're doing it, lake. You're doing it. And Billy, the cut that was on your chest has started to heal up a little bit. Wow. Wow. And anybody that's touching the wine in the lake, you feel a bit of a tingling on your skin. Why? Get in the lake, everyone. All right. Yeah. And it's just, you just feel rejuvenated. Oh, cool. In a strange way. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. It's just got a nice little like tingly vibe. Hmm. And Yilliam is looking at the water and like touching it on his hands.

And he sees like little calluses disappearing on his hand. He goes, what is this? What have you done? I've convinced the lake that it loves to be here and it has a purpose. Oh. My, my, my. I don't quite want to say thank you. But. But you know. Yeah. I think we can make this work. I think we can. I think we can figure something out here. I think you can. I still wish that our tree feller wasn't destroyed. I really do. Hey, man. Eggs in one basket. Yeah. This is how adventuring works.

You do some random shit. You break some stuff. You fix some other stuff. And you move forward. You do the best with what you can. Yes. And I think we will. We will. Now. From the bottom of my heart. Please. Get out. Okay. Fair enough. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I thought he was going to say get the fuck out. Yeah. That's very polite. It was a lot more polite than we thought it was going to be. Thanks. We're very shaking all his hands. Yeah. We're shaking all their hands. Thank you. Thank you.

It was so nice to meet you. It was great to meet you. That was good. Sorry. Your name was? And he's. Vevean. Vevean. You were amazing. You should go. Okay. I'm already gone. Yeah. Baby, bye. Yeah. And Mears is standing at the edge of town with Francis and the cart. Are we done? Are we leaving? Yeah. It went about as good as it could have gone. That was weird, guys. Yeah. It got bad, then really great. Yeah. So I kind of wish I took a cup of it with me. Yeah. What's his name?

He still has a bucket. Yeah. Merbo's just slamming a bucket of healing wine. It's mine. All right. Should we get out of here? Yeah. Okay. Did you ever fuck Kim or what? Oh, my God. Did you get his address? Well, here. Pinewood. Well, do you know? Do you know which room he's in? We can do this before you go. Oh, my goodness. I think he's in room 69. And then I grab a random person, and I'm like, do you know where Kim lives? And Mears hops up on Francis and is leaving.

I grab onto the cart, and I stop Francis. Francis is doing like a mud walk forward. I shake a random person. I'm like, look me in the eyes. I swear to God, if you don't fucking tell me where Kim is right now, I will put you in the ground. Mears stops. I said bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Shut the fuck up. But Mears is like, we had a very nice farewell. I don't want to revisit it. I feel like it's that sort of thing where you say one thing, and it's really cool, and it goes well.

What did you say? What was cool? Yeah. What did you say? Okay. So he said, well, I guess I'll see you around. And I said, not if I see you first. Which I thought was pretty slick. We're all the characters are laughing. Oh, yeah. No, no. Yeah. What? What are you, 14? I thought it was cool. Should I go back? Should I say something cooler? We should definitely go back. Yeah, we should go back. How do I? I feel like it was just cheap in it. You know what? We'll just, we'll just, we'll drive slowly.

You stand up on the cart and put your fist up in the air, and we'll slowly drive out of town. Yeah. That'll be cool. I'll play a guitar riff behind you. Okay. Should I, should I hold my sword? Should I pull my sword out? Yes. Hold your sword up. Yeah. I'll take the reins. Billy's, you're going to drive, Billy? Yeah, I'm going to drive Francis. Yeah. Okay. And I'll grab the person who I've been holding onto, threatening for Kim's address, who hasn't said anything.

They just, it's like a, it's like a 20 year old dude. And he's just like, can I go? No. Go get Kim right now. Well, do you want me? It seems like this is a thing that you want him to see rather than be a part of. Yeah. We want to see. So just like, I don't know. Lead him. Lead him near, near us. And then we'll start going. Oh my Lord. Come the fuck on. I just, I'm going to be late for work. It'd be nice if I could. Maybe this goes, Kim! Kim! Go get him right now. What's your name?

My name's Timmon. Timmon? Just a little bit of compensation I think would be nice, would be appropriate. I have a coin. I'll give him a coin. Here. Ping. And he snatches it out of the air and goes, all right, I'll go get Kim, but I'll make it casual. Dude. I'll say that, uh, that somebody stole his bucket. Timmon, you're the man. Okay. Oh yeah. That's great. See you later. And he flips the coin up in the air and catches it again and strides off. Put some stink on it. Let's go.

He starts hustling off. Okay. So we got to set, we got to set this up. So, uh, Mears looks as cool as possible. I climb up Mears and I make his hair nice. Make it cool. I do. I make a ski slope. Cool. Whoa. Whoa. What's up fucking Fred? Yeah. You know, like the 2000s hair. Okay. Okay. Cool. Mears, you look hot as heck. Are you using your spit? Oh yeah. But his spit turns into dippity doo. Yeah. I have such thick spit. I was like into my hands. Like a moose? Yeah.

And Mears is like, okay, all right. And he pulls his sword and he goes foot up, foot down. And he puts his foot up on the edge of the down. I put him on top of the top of the car. Yeah. It doesn't have, it's not covered. It's not covered? No, it's open. No, it's fine. It's shitty. It's shitty. We stack up a couple of trunks. Okay. So he's up in the air. We put him on there. All right. Pop his collar. Okay. All right. Okay. Is this good? I roll up his sleeves halfway. Oh yeah.

And I roll his, I roll his shorts up more. Oh yeah. And I put a little, a little earring in his right ear. Oh yeah. Is it right or left? It's right. Right. Mine's, I have an, my left ear is pierced. All right. That's the right ear. Okay. We got to pierce your right ear. Really? It's the sexier ear. Oh no. I meant Sean. Oh. My left. I have a pierced left ear. You have a pierced ear? Yeah. I had a pierced ear when I was a kid. This is. Fucking shit. Can we.

You're so much more white trash than I ever. I had a mullet and an earring. Aw. Yeah. It was rough. It was rough. What earring did you wear? I wore a stud or a hoop. I had a hoop that was kind of like. I did buy him a hoop. Design. Wow. Yeah. Yep. That's amazing. Good look. So if, I'm pretty sure, well I guess it doesn't really matter what ear is pierced. Whatever. Not in this world. Whatever ear. But in this world. Okay. Yeah. The left ear is pierced. The left ear means you're a necromancer.

If Mears has like a left ear one, we'll just put it in the left ear. Oh yeah. Mears' left ear is also pierced. Yeah. No. Ving just puts it in his right ear. Ow. No. Oh my. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. You look cool. You look cool. Oh the cook. Remember to flex your thighs. Yeah. What? Yeah. Your thigh muscles. Those are the best ones. He's gonna be here. Just come on. We're almost done. Okay. Be cool. Go play a song. And then I.

He puts his sword up in the air. Can we roll for all of this? Like how cool we made him look? Let's. Charisma, uniqueness, nerve, and talent. How much? Nope. No. I mean we absolutely. All right. We got eight. But what are we rolling? Plus charisma. Yeah. I have one charisma. Yeah. What? Defy danger? That's nine. I'll aid. Yeah. I know. What are we rolling for? You're all rolling. To look super hot. I want to say that you're all rolling basically without my permission.

I would like it noted that I am sitting. Okay. So I'm going to aid him with the guitar riff. He hasn't. To make him look cool. But he rolled. Billy got an eight. Oh, what have we used? No, he got a nine. Can you use disguise for someone else? Oh. Yeah. Can you disguise him as a cooler guy? Oh, you already rolled. What should I be? That's true. Okay. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. What a tough roll. I got a three. So the music is bad. Paul. That's true. Oh, it's not even bad.

I'm rolling because I'm going to be singing the song. Yeah. Six. Six. Guys. Guys. Okay. So the music is terrible. The music's pretty bad. No, it's not even. But Mears looks hot. Mears looks like. So you got a nine. Yeah. So you don't get everything you want. Okay, fine. His hair flops a little bit. Whatever. He doesn't know how to flex the thighs. Oh, my God. Hey, hey, hey, hey. I'm all about you. Yeah. So that's the thing. The cart starts moving and Tuck goes, hey, hey, hey, hey. Wait.

And hits the string. Oh, yeah. No, do it. No, he's singing. Okay. So, yeah. Ving, do it one more time. Hey, hey, hey, hey. And Tuck hits his strings to do that first riff and snaps every single one. No, but it's not even just one. It's like, brink. And they all snap at once. Holy shit. Yeah. So mark a point of experience. Every single string on your bass is destroyed. And for some reason, when you were in high spear, when you were at short and longs or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. That's my fault. Short and McWides. Short and McWides. Short and McWides. Short and McWides. Short and McWides is really. Short and McWides. Can we go back and change it, please? Re-edit. So when you were at short and McWides, you picked up like, you tried to pick up a flask. Oh, you got your bass fixed. Yeah. But you didn't get any extra strings. No. So wham, all your strings are gone. Shit. Even the weird ones on the like non-parallel heads, somehow you break every possible string.

How the fuck did this happen? He's so strong. You got too excited. What pick are you using? I lift it up and it's one of Billy's daggers. Shit. Sorry. And Billy's got a pick in his holster. That he's been trying to kill people with for a while. And we look back and… Yeah, like, Mears' hair is over his face a little bit because it fell down. So we do this acapella style as Francis is going away. Wait, Ving, you got a six, right? Or did you get a seven? I got a… Well, is it plus bond?

Oh, yeah. So seven, yeah. Okay, great. So you didn't fail. You didn't fail. Yeah, and the song is not great. Like, it's fine. The singing's fine. The singing's fine. It's seven to nine. Fine. Mears' hair is in his face a little bit. He's got his sword up in the air and he's like, I can't see anything. Is he here? Yeah, he's looking. He's looking. So Kem, you see Kem is like next to a building watching this with a bit of confusion. And a bit of, like, teenaged awe. He's like, what the hell?

And Mears goes, farewell, everybody. I return to the road in a life of adventure. But for that is my lot in life. The dust of the road shall cake my blade. Don't you? But my memories of my time here with all of you shall cake my heart. And please, when you go to sleep at night, think about the danger that I face every day. For I am a war… And the cart passes under a tree and his sword gets caught on a branch.

Like, it chops into the side of a branch and he almost gets yanked off the back of the cart. He's like, oh! And he settles back up. Does he lose his sword? His sword is stuck in the bow of a tree. And it's just hanging there and he puts his hands on his hips. He goes, farewell! And the cart passes out of Pinewood and into the forest. And then we're like, fucking great job, Mears. Great job, Mears. Ving, I feel like you have some criticisms. I think you were better with not if I see you first.

I'm sorry. That was a little over the top. I felt a little try-hard. This is what I was afraid of. You were right. You were right. Go with your gut. Go with your gut. I'm sorry. But we had fun. He is… Gonna think I'm so lame. No, that's cool. You were cool. You gotta go over the top with people. That's Tuck's strategy always. It reeked of our idea, to be fair. So at least there's that. You can blame us. That's what I thought! Oh, no. Oh, no. I'm never gonna come back. No, you'll come.

Should I go back for my sword? No. No. Mears, you have literally not done anything with that sword in the last two weeks. I fought the Moss Moth. No, you didn't. You were just waving your sword around in the air. We all saw it. We all saw it. You saw it? Oh, man. I thought I was getting pretty close, but… You were getting close, bud. Thanks. You're a great cook. You're a wonderful cook. Great cook. One of the best. Great saffron. Thanks, Billy. No problem. Thank you. Okay. Alright. Let's go.

Let's get out of here. And we're out. And you're out. And you leave Pinewood Village behind. No. You enjoyed your time there? I did. They treated me very well. Pinewood's a nice place. And you hit the road. According to Mears, the vault is only a couple days away. So you travel for a few more days through the firefields. The rains are intermittently very frustrating. You've got a tarp that you kind of hang up once in a while if the rains get really bad.

So you camp here and there for a couple nights. But on the road, it's relatively peaceful, besides the monsoons. So you have some time to… Besides the monsoons, everything's fine. But you have an opportunity, if you so choose, to investigate the Fanny Pack. Oh. Yeah. Yeah, sure. That sounds good. So where are we resting right now? I want to know our environment. Yeah. It's like Goldstream Park. Oh, yeah. Okay, so here's… Actually, I'm going to make it even more Goldstream Park-y.

The roads in the principalities are pretty nice because every once in a while, spaced out on any main or semi-main travel area is a traveler's shrine. The shrine to the traveler with the carved shelf and the coins and various other sort of road-like accoutrement and the compass rose carved into it. Piles of rocks. Yeah, just piles of whatever. It's like a geocache. Somebody shows up, they take something out of their pocket, put it down, pick another thing up.

So there's a bunch of wild shit on here. But behind that area is a relatively cleared out and maintained zone that people use for camping. Cool. So you probably camp there that night. So are the traveler's shrines almost also signposts for campgrounds? Yeah, they're like hostels. Like provincial campgrounds? Exactly. Sick. Yeah. So there… And there is… Do we think there's somebody else here? Yeah, a bunch of Australians. Yeah. They're heading up to… From the underworld.

Yeah, Mount Washington. They're going skiing. Snowboarding. Strathcona. Yeah. Hitting Strathcona, bro. So yeah, there's another cart off to the side. There seems like there's a bunch of people under an awning that they've hung up. They got a cook fire going. Oh, what are you guys cooking? Who is it? Who do we think it is? Australians. From downtown? Yeah. Can we come up with a more fantasy name for this? It's just Australia? Oh, no. Yeah. It's not Australia. Yeah. Okay.

What's the name for this region? Fantasy Australia? Yeah. Oh, is this a zone? Because we've talked about how to the east. We haven't talked about what's to the east of the principalities. What's that dick-shaped drawing map you did? Where's the southest? Where's the southest part of that dick? On the penis insula. Yeah. The dick was… The gulf of penis. Gulf of penis? Yeah. Penusians. But so there's… Penusians. Penusians? Penusians. Penusia. Yeah. Penusia. All right. Penusians. Oh, God.

Are we doing it? Are we locking in Penusia? Are we going to do Penusia? Fuck. Penusia? Penusia? Penusia. All right. We'll do Penusia. They're Penusians and they're all sitting around a campfire cooking. What is beaming? What do Penusians look like? Blonde? Yeah. They look like they've been on the road for a long time. Yeah. They're… Frosted tips. Yeah. From the snow. Yeah. Some dreads. Burnt. Yeah. Skin, like sunburnt. Yeah, totally. Peeling skin. Cool. A bit of eye makeup. Yeah.

They're wearing a lot of like the festival gear from the Mudlark adventure. Yeah. They were there too. You get the idea that maybe they're just dressed like this all the time. Yeah. Like they're just sort of ragged looking. They've got like face paint on them. Yeah. Yeah. Cool. They have a bunch of dogs with them too. Yeah. There's a ton of dogs. Yeah. And they're all just sitting under a camp… Under an awning cooking. Yeah. They've camperized their cart. Yeah.

You see a bunch of like sausages strung out on like poles over the fire. What else you guys cooking? Oh, hey there. Hey. Traveler? You wanna fucking come and post up? Come up near this fire, huh bud? Oh, yeah. Guys, what do you think? Yeah, totally. Yeah, thank you. Thanks. Yeah, we could pitch in. Yeah, hit the hit the stones, bud. Check them out. Here, move over. Hey, Trevor, move over, bud.

And Trevor slides down a log and there's a little bit of space and then he sees Tuck and he tries to slide down a little bit more. Yeah, they're just opening. They're like, hey, what brings you to this part of the principalities, huh? Where's Hedden? We're… Delivering mail. We're delivering mail to Blackglass. Yep, we're all postmen. Yeah, we're mail people. The roads are dangerous for mail people. That's why I got hired. That is why I hired these three caravan guards.

We are here to deliver letters. See? And he holds up a little tiny bag. Letters are in this. And his eyes are bugging out. Yeah, they're just small letters. Like individual letters. I think there's a B in there. We got a G. I am a mailman. I'm a post-deliverer. What are you guys doing here? We're just traveling, bud. You know how it is. You gotta hit the road to know the road, you know? I feel like you know. You hit the road, you know the road, and then you know the road inside, right?

Are you guys Penusians? Penusian, yeah, bud. I'm from North Penusia. Are you guys doing your walkabout thing right now? Yeah, that's the thing, you know. In Penusia, when you hit a… You know, you hit a certain time in your life, you just gotta hit the road. How long do you guys do that for? You know, not too long. Maybe five, six years. Wow, holy shit. That's it. Wow, that's like my whole life. Yeah, I guess it would be. Hi, little buddy. And there's a dog getting really close to Billy.

Like, aggressively close? Just like too close. And I don't know how you all feel about dogs, but you know when a dog gets really close and you kind of tense up? You're like, what's this dog doing? It's like that. It's like… Yeah, can I help you? Oh, don't you mind Chomper. He's just friendly. He's a friendly bud. Chomper? Chomper. Call him that because of his big-ass chompers. You know how it is. I do know how they are. Billy's just looking straight into his mouth.

Well, anyway, you guys want some of these snossages, huh? Oh, thank you. That's very kind. Yes, we'd love to. We have some leftover paella if you want it. Oh, I don't even know what that is, but I'll eat anything. You know how it is on the road. Beers? Yeah, throw it in the pile. Yes, I have paella next to my letters. He turns around to go back to the cart and you hear him go… And you just kind of settle into a meal. Unless there's anything that you want to learn from the Panusians.

What's the news on the road? Which direction are you going? They're like, yeah, we're heading into the Cybra Mountains. We heard there's some wicked ski slopes up there, so we're going to go see what it's like. What's skiing again? I've heard of snowboarding, but what's skiing? Skiing is like you slide on your stomach on a piece of wood. Billy. Oh, I love it. The mortality rate's like 60-65%, but if you can hit a good jump, it goes up to 75-78%. Oh, yeah, it's deadly, man, but it's fun as hell.

You know how it is. But news on the road, I've been seeing it, seeing a lot of halflings. We've been hearing things aren't so good in the halfling lands. What have you heard? Some flooding or something like that. Oh, no. Shit, not so hot. So if you see any halflings on the road, you'll see a lot more, I think, coming up. It's getting pretty rough up there. What about you? What have you heard? There's like a lake of wine and water back there. Oh, yeah, you guys should definitely check it.

Check it out. Yeah, you guys should check out Pinewood. Pinewood's a beautiful town. Yeah, we always rep Pinewood. Yeah. Do you guys like to party at all? Oh, do we like to party? They party. Trevor loves it. Jordan, he's a big party guy. Me, oh, I'm the king of parties. What's your name? Oh, yeah, I'm Trevor, too. Oh, nice to meet you, Trevor, too. No, well, that's good enough. Yeah. That's my brother, Trevor, and that's my other brother, Trevor. This is Jordan. That's his brother, Jordan.

And, yeah, we're just… A bunch of dudes just chilling out on the road. Just a bunch of guys being dudes. You know how it is. We're going to hit that wine lake up for sure, though. Yeah, and they've got like a great theater scene, too. Yeah. Do you like the Lone Tree Hill minstrels? I don't know. That's not really my thing. But Jordan's like Lone Tree Hill. They were in Pinewood? Yeah, the local theater company's doing like a… They do a cover of it. No way. Yeah, man, it's awesome.

You should check it out and stay there. They have really good food. Nice places to stay. Good people. Yeah. Yep. Don't tell them we sent you, though. For sure. Yeah. All right. I don't even know any of your names. So… That's a nice dinner. Yeah. So you're camping, and you have an opportunity in the night to check out the fanny pack if you're interested. Are we in our tent? Yeah. Yeah, you're in your little tent. We're away from these. We've gone back to our kind of area. Yeah. Yeah.

So they're like nearby, but not too close. Cool. Cool. So it's a fairly wide open area. The trees were cleared like decades ago. So there's on the edge of the forest, and then there's a little grassy zone to the other side. Should we do… So are we taking a look? We're all taking a look at this fanny pack? Yeah, let's crowd around and take a look. Should it be a Spout Lore if you want to know more? Yeah. I think so. Yeah. Okay. So, Abdul, tuck. 2d6 plus intelligence.

So I'm spouting lore on what the fanny pack is? Yes. Okay. Oh. Five. I can't help. We can't help. Fuck. Can both of us? Nope. No. No, you can't. We always ask that. You literally ask every time. Yep. Yeah. Wait a minute. Don't I have wide wanderer? Yeah. Can I use that here? For what? Do you even know what it does? No. And what horrible thing happens? Yeah. So I just… How I investigate it is I open it up, and I rifle around in there. Maybe Mirrors is like, okay, we got to be really careful.

Careful with this. And I was like, yes. Open, reach in. So you reach in, and you're like, okay, what's going on in here? And you feel something pinch on your hand. Ooh. And your arm gets yanked further in. Like deeper in than there is. Yeah. And it goes up to almost your shoulder. Holy shit. Talk, talk, talk. And you're stuck fast. And it doesn't look like I don't have an arm. You have this. It's just a bag on the end of your arm. Whoa. Like right here, and then bag, and then nothing. Oh my God.

I'm trying to pull it off. It's stuck. It's stuck fast. What does it feel like? Does it hurt? It's just something is clamped onto your hand. Holy shit. Cool. Wow. So you've got no right arm. I start laughing, because I'm like, this looks fucking crazy. And Mirrors is like, ah, ah. Tell me about it, man. Oh no, it's PTSD. Yeah, Mirrors is like, no, oh my God. And he starts yanking on the bag. Okay. And it's not coming off. Mirrors, relax. Chill out. It's fine. I think my hand is still in there.

Oh shit. I know how to get this off. I go get a slab of butter, and I rub it on the base of your arm, and I'm like, just slide it out. It's good thinking. Does that work? That's dumb. Nope, it is. No, like the butt, now your arm's all buttery, and you feel the butter running down your arm. Yeah. Like in the bag. I tell everyone, I can still feel the rest of my arm, so it's in there. I'm like moving my hand in front of it. I think it's a Forever bag. You guys remember Forever bags?

I remember the commercials for Forever. Yeah. Forever bag. Forever bags. We want to have Forever bags. So, yeah, this was a commercial that played during Lone Tree Hill. Yeah. For Forever bags, which were just bags that kept folding out, and out, and out, but you might have heard stories of things like this from the pre-Exodus days. Yeah, I mean, magical artifacts that I've heard of that are like this, is like, they, they're bags that can just hold an infinite amount of shit.

How do you get things out of them? Have you heard about that? No, I have no clue. God dang it. Can I, do we do a move? I mean, you guys, yeah, tell me how you work this out. Okay. Like, the only thing I can think of for myself is trap expert. But, I am already in a trap. Yeah. Yeah, trap expert's like, is there a trap here? Okay. That would have been good before. That would have been good before we, I put my hand in here. But you did so fast. I know. I was so excited to find out what was inside.

I know. Okay. All right. Hold on. Wait, hold on a second. And then I, I go back over to the other campsite. Okay. And the Penusians are like, mostly going to sleep. Yeah. And I'm like, hey guys, we had a little bit of an accident. And then I pulled up the back. And you're like, whoa, buddy, are you okay? Yeah, I don't know. Where'd your arm go, bud? It's in here somewhere. What? Yeah. What do you mean? I don't know. I just thought I'd freak you out. Anyway, good night. Wait, wait, wait.

And they're all like talking to themselves. Like, what the hell was that? What the fuck? I don't understand. So they don't know. No, they have no idea. Okay. Magic has mostly left the world, except in some specific places. Does Perel know? Yeah. Hey, Perel. I go to the carton I root for the box. You find like some granola bars. Perel, I throw the granola bars. Yeah, there's granola bars flying through there. You don't even eat them? I don't even eat them. I'm in such a panic.

He's too stressed out. Yeah. And Perel pops out. Oh, hello. What's, what's going on? My man, take a look. And I walk up. I'm like, high five. Yeah, I walk up. And I'm like, hey, high five, Perel. We found a magic fanny pack. He stuck his hand right in. Now it's steadfast on his arm. We put a butter on it. Nothing seems to help. Give me a, give me one moment, one moment. And he gets really close up to the arm. And he's just staring at it like, this is awesome. This is so cool.

I am very, I'm sorry. I'm sorry to be so casual, but wow. This, unless I'm mistaken, I've never made one, but this appears to be bag of holding, perhaps. Is it like a forever bag? Yes, it could be described as a bag that goes forever. Yeah. The forever bag was like a thing that they based on a holding. On the bag of holding. Well, let's call it a forever bag. Cause I like my terminology more. Okay. Perel. All right. It's a forever bag. So, um, what is, what seems to be the problem? Here.

Oh, I don't know. I'm stuck inside of it. What do you mean stuck? We can't pull it off. Yeah. Here. Try. Pull. Well, I'm incorporeal. Try it. And he grabs the bag and he pulls off a copy of the bag and goes, see, what is that? And he throws it up in the air and it disappears. Incorporeal. What is, what the fuck does that mean? I can't, I can't, I can't touch. I feel like this has come up. I'm a magical projection of myself. But you've done it before. Can you just do it again? Done what before?

But the body, God, the fish, I don't know. That was in the spirit realm. Oh, useless. Wow. Enter one of us. Wow. No. Yeah. Enter us. No. Well, I mean, Vingas takes like undoing the strings on his shirt, taking his tunic off. Enter me. No, no, no, no, no, no. I can't enter you. I can help. I can try and help. Hey, try and help. How do we get this off? How are we going to help? Hmm. What does it feel like in there? I don't know. Just like tight. Like everything's, really tight. Yeah.

Does it feel like you're stuck in a mechanism or does it feel like a living thing? Uh, it feels, it's like pretty slick in here. Oh, that doesn't seem right. As far as I know, living things don't have a good time in forever bags. Well, then we need to get this thing off of him and him out of it. Have you investigated it any further than jamming your arm inside? I just put my hand in it. Can Ving look around and like, see if there's any reading or writing or anything? Give me a discern realities.

2D6. Plus wisdom. Oh, nine, nine. So that means you get one, one question from the discern realities list. Uh, and that list is what happened here recently. What is about to happen? What should I be on the lookout for? What here is useful or valuable to me? Who's really in control here? What here is not what it appears to be. I think what here is not what it appears to be. Okay.

So you notice that, um, like on the edges of the fanny pack, like near the corners, you see tiny little, catches like little tiny wooden toggles that look like they're holding something together. So Pearl, what's these, what's with these fucking toggles? Should I touch these? I, I start twisting them very lately. Yeah. And it's like, they're coming apart. Like it's like, it's holding something together. Like it's holding an additional compartment together. Okay. Toggle them off. All right.

You toggle them off and it, the whole thing starts to unfold. It like, Oh, it opens wide and then wider and wider and wider. And it becomes like a dome shaped tent. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Yeah. Is my arm still in here? Oh yeah. And Tuck's arm starts to, well, you're still kind of in the opening of it. Yeah. Yeah. And inside this opening, as you have described it as being slick, uh, you see the rest of Tuck's arm and there's a huge worm on it. What the fuck is that?

Uh, Hey, Perel doesn't know what that is. I talked to the worm. And he goes, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, I pull the worm off. I grab, I try to grab it. So slippery. Okay. Yeah. It's got it. It's, it's outside is surprisingly tough. Yeah. But the inside is like slick and wet. So, so, this is so gross. Can I stick my staff in there and try and pry them off? Yeah, totally. I try and pry them off. Defy danger strength. Yeah. Staff. Uh, nine, nine.

Okay. So you stick, you stick your staff in there and pry it off and it starts coming off. Tucks arm and it releases his arm and hits the ground. And it's about, you know, it's like a foot and a half, two feet wide. Jesus. And it's got this big open, like. Anus mouth. Sphincter like mouth with little, with little like dull teeth on it. Like the teeth aren't sharp, but there, there's a lot of them. And, uh, yeah, like a butthole.

And, um, it hits the ground and it starts like chomping up your staff and it's like, nom, nom, nom, nom. But, but it tucks arms free. Okay. So I take the ax. Yep. And I do like a quick flip with it and I bring it just down on the worm. Okay. Hack and slash. 2d6 plus strength. Eight. Eight. Okay. So that means that you deal damage and it deals damage to you. Okay. So, uh, roll your damage. Five. Five. Okay. Um, you feel it's, it's high.

It is pretty tough, but your ax has no problem and you just whack right through it. Some liquid, splashes out of it and gets on your arm and starts to corrode a tiny bit. Ah, take roll a D for the little pyramid boys. One, one. Okay. And this does, uh, I have natural armor though. Bypasses your armor. So you just take one damage and it just corrodes a little bit into your skin, but the worm is dying. It's basically dead. Oh yeah. I missed the worm. Why was he in here? Who knows?

Do all these bags get worms? Who knows? Well, there's like a tent now, right? Yeah. It's like a dome shaped, kind of, like brown. It's the same material as the fanny pack was. It's like a brown leather tent. Should we look in the tent? Yeah. Wait, hold on though. I'm going to do trap expert. Oh yes. Hold everyone back. We're just like opening the flaps. Hey, what's going on in this tent? Yeah, probably just tugging our legs. No, no.

Uh, so, oh, something I will point out is, uh, you notice that the worm's acid corroded the skin on Tuck's arm, but not your staff. Strangely enough. Strangely enough. And as it starts to like deflate a little bit, the worm. Yeah. And you notice like, little lumpies in it. I look at those lumpies. It's got little lumps. I go at those lumps. I'm going to pry them open. I'm going to roll on a table. I love to roll on tables. So I'm going to give one to each of you. Oh, cool. Yeah. So roll a D10.

Seven. Seven. Uh, now roll a D4. Four. God damn it. Why do I keep doing this? You find a big sack, like a burlap sack. And it's just jangling with coins, my man. Just jangling. How many? Four hundred coins. Holy shit. Uh, but it's really fucking heavy. It's four weight, which is like, not a lot of stuff is four weight. So like a suit, a full suit of plate armor is four weight. Okay. So it's like, like carrying around a suit of armor. Okay. Cool. Big old coin. Okay.

So Jessica, you rolled a D10 as well. Uh, one. One? Yep. Uh, roll, uh, a two D8. Uh, a seven and a six, seven and a six, which is 30. Of course we all know 13. Yeah. Uh, you find a little, um, red stone that Billy's, uh, adept thief like hands know to be an uncut Ruby. Oh, beautiful. 13 coins. Uncut. So soft. Ruby is only worth 13. Yeah. It's not cut. It's not valuable. Okay. Yeah. So you got a little, little tiny red stone. Looks nice. Yeah. In a pocket. Yeah. Tuck, roll a D10. Seven.

Roll again. Why? Cause Paul got a seven. That's fucking bullshit. It's not fair. So there's only a few things you can, uh, okay. Two. Uh, you know what it is? It's a, um, it's a, you know what a bullseye lantern is? No. It's a lantern with a cone on it. So instead of being like an area of light, it projects a beam of light. Oh, fuck. Who cares? This thing sucks. I thought, I throw it in the fucking cart. It's fucking piece of shit. I hate that fucking worm. Yeah. Stupid fucking worm.

I'm the one that got burned and things. The one that got all the fucking money. Hey, Hey, this is a hundred percent all of ours. I don't care. I wanted to be the one that found the big thing. I won't seven. I should have. Can I investigate this lamp? See if it's anything cool. It's a lamp. It's a bullseye lantern. Tuck is cranky and tired. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck this. It makes sense. That you all at that getting different numbers. Is that the thing, right? Rolling doubles is boring.

Or do you guys want? No, no, no. We're not going back. It's fine. He already had his tantrum. Stupid fucking lamp. Yeah. Mirs. Do you want a dumb piece of shit? I don't know. I don't even know what this thing's about. Fuck here. Take this lamp. It's so lame. People believe you're a mailman. Yeah. There's a hook on Francis. Can we hang it up as a headline? Yeah, totally sweet. Francis got, has got headlights now. Actually, it would make, it would make it easier for you to travel at night. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, here, Francis, a fucking gift befitting a pig. Oh, man. Jack, do you want a hundred coins? I guess we all have all the coins. Yeah, we all have the coins. It's to share. And so you all found like an almost game breaking amount of money just now. It's to share. Who cares? He just keeps saying to share. I hate sharing. Uh, yeah. So then Billy wanted, now that you've rifled through the treasure worm. Oh yeah. Is that what we're calling this thing? A treasure worm? Treasure worm.

It just eats treasure. What I've imagined is that they dig through the ground and they corrode all like natural materials. And then what's left in them is just like gold gems items. Are they related to like, uh, the, like the sandworms in McCall? Yeah, probably. And Billy wanted to make sure there were no traps in here, right? Or no, additional traps. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So that's a two D six plus. What is it? Dexterity for a trap expert? Yeah. Okay, cool. Two to six plus nine. Cool.

So that means Billy gets one move or one hold. Is there a trap here? And if so, what activates it? My instinct is no. Like my instinct is that there isn't a trap. I'd say if there was a trap, tuck already absolutely tripped it. Okay. Um, yeah, you look over at me. I'm fucking kicking the worm. It's just, it's scratching your stupid dumb ass worm. Uh, so as far as you can tell, this is a tent. All right, guys, it's clear. All right. Andre is Perel with us.

Uh, yeah, he's just like, wow, it was so small and now it's, well, it's not that much bigger, but it's pretty cool. Yeah. I mean, have you've used one of these before, right? Not like this. I thought this was a bag of holding. Wow. Look at this. This is something else entirely. Let's go in. Let's go in. All right. And it's a tent. Like it's inside. It appears by all accounts to be like a, Tuck is so disappointed. It's like, what the fuck? It's just a fucking tent. Yeah. What else is in here?

I look around. All right. What are you like investigating? Discerning reality. All right. 2d6 plus wisdom. Nine. Okay. So you get one question. Okay. What here is useful or valuable to you? You notice at the, like there's the entrance and there's like a dome shape. It's about five foot high, like a tent. And it's like, Tuck's got to crawl basically to get inside. So the tent's five foot high and like diameter is 10 feet kind of thing. Yeah. Okay.

And, um, but you see at the back edge, uh, some more snaps. Snaps? Like little toggles? Oh shit. What do the toggles look like? Uh, like a, it's like a wooden, you know, like a toggle. Like if this was like a loop of fabric, a toggle goes through and then the wood keeps it in place. Oh, you unsnap it through the loop. Yeah. And then another flap will open. Yeah. Like on a tent. Cool. You roll up the back window. Yeah. Or like on a, like on an old coat. If you don't want to use buttons. Yeah.

It's like the wooden toggles. A tooth. Yeah, exactly. Okay. Yeah. Untoggle it. Once you, you open, I push everyone out of the way. I'm like, it's my turn to untoggle it. Get the fuck out of the way everybody. You, you, I, Tuck is cranky. Yeah. I go barely into the other wall. He just rolls across the ground. Jeez. Uh, I untoggle it and I put my arm in right away. Yeah. And, um, yeah. Tuck. Oh, so it was, it was, it was raining a little bit.

Um, and you stick your arm through the back of the tent and you don't feel any rain. Hey guys, I think there's an awning back here. I look at, I look outside. There is a fairly large living room. There's a living chamber. Oh, cool. There's, there's chairs. There's like a couch. There's a table. There seems to, there appears to be like a cooking area. So, this was a door that, this was a doorway. Okay. And it opens into a, another room. Hey guys, there's like a whole little house in here.

This one's my treasure. Everybody out. I run in. Do the toggles back up. Stay on your side. And then I, I toggle them back down. I'm like, no, come in. It's, it's crazy. Ooh, this is beautiful. Yeah. So there's like a room. What is the interior decorating? It's style. It's still pretty, it's pretty tent like, like it's, this is also dome shaped, but it's century tent. Yeah, exactly. So we were in the mud room earlier. Basically. Yeah. Cool.

So it's, there's like a, there's like a rug on the ground. Everything looks kind of dusty, but there was a rug on the ground and there's seats enough for everybody. It appears there's some pillows that have fallen down on the ground and cups and bowls. And yeah, beautiful. Just like a little, it's kind of like a yurt. Cool. Yeah. Is there more toggles? Yeah. What? Like everybody's just kind of running around like, wow, wow, wow. Yeah. We're looking at all the toggles.

Or like magical symbols or paintings on the wall. And we're like, find more toggles. There's, if, maybe there's like a food court or something in here. Oh my God. And there's like a, there seems to be a wood burning stove against one wall. Oh, cool. And there's a painting hanging down from like attached to one side. Like above the fireplace? Yeah. Above the stove. There's a painting of like a very stuffy looking, very pale man, with a big gray beard and no mustache.

So he's got sort of that just chin, really big beard. It's a real duck dynasty looking. Yeah, exactly. If you were to shave their mustaches, so they look even. Yeah. Kind of, kind of Amish. And he's got big burgundy robes on and long gray hair that's swept back off a very high hairline. So there's this beautiful portrait. It's very well painted, but the guy looks so arrogant. And beneath it, there's an engraved plaque on the frame that says Morris Wadge, master, of arcane architecture.

And Perel's magical projection sees the painting and goes, ugh, this fucking guy. And that's where we'll wrap it up for the episode. My name is Sean O'Hara. This has been Spout Lore with me as always playing fat, Billy, the halfling thief, Jessica tie. So long playing Tacoma dome, the barbarian, Abdul Aziz. This is my room. It's my room. And playing being the half elf, Druid, Paul offers. This, this fucking guy. Thanks to Wes for all the technical work. Thanks to Abdul for all the editing.

Thanks to Mark and MP and William and Carter for letting us into their home yet again. Thank you to Aaron Reed for the intro and outro music and to our Patreon. Yeah. Thanks to all the Patreons to sporters guys. As of this recording, we're sitting at 80 patrons, which is frankly fucking stunning. It's amazing. Thank you so much for supporting us. And if you don't, thank you so much for listening and enjoying the show and telling your friends.

And, and reviewing, reviewing on iTunes, nothing less than five stars, five stars or more. Yeah. Uh, and Spell or fan club. It's just, it's great. We like playing this game with each other. Like this is a fun reason for us to hang out. But the fact that you're all so cool and supportive and excited about this show is continues to be very, very, very wonderful for me. Keeps it fresh, keeps it fresh, spices it up in the bedroom. You know, we should have ended before you said that.

We're in the bedroom. You ruined it. Sean, ruined it. Thanks for listening. My name is Sean O'Hara. This has been Spout Lore with me. It's always in the bedroom. That's what I do, baby. Thanks for listening, everybody. We'll see you next time. And so ends the tale of adventures. Three who tried the best they can, though dumb and scared and lost, they be for times of breast in revelry. And though our journey, may be like a conclusion, we will not leave you without a resolution.

Return next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores. And for you, I gladly Spout Lore.

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape, and wields a spear with great might Peely's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends, and listen close For the tale's about to start Welcome to Spout Lore everybody, my name is Sean O'Hara I'm your Game Master, and with me as always, playing Fat Billy the Halfling Thief Jessica Tai Hello Playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian Abdulaziz Hello And playing Ving the Half-Elf Druid Paul Oppers Hello When last we left our heroes, they had left the town of Pinewood in a state A positive or negative state, who can say?

Well it's definitely different now It's definitely different, their lake is now made of magic wine instead of water Which you know?

At first I thought it was a little bit weird I mean right now sounds pretty cool Yeah Yeah And then they traveled a bit through the principalities, through the Pinewood, or the Firefield principalities And came to camp at a traveler's shrine And met some people from a place that we have determined is called Panusia To the east of the principalities And met some guys named Trevor, and some guys named Jordan, and a guy named Kyle No wait, just Trevor and Jordan Yeah we shared our dinner with some travelers on the way home Yeah we shared our dinner with some travelers on the way home Yeah we shared our dinner with some travelers on the road Some classic road stuff Just road stuff, just road bros We shared the news Yeah, got some news there's been a lot of displaced halflings lately Yeah Cause there's been some flooding Yeah they're kinda like refugees Yeah they're like climate refugees No, my boys Yep Who knows what the situation's like but a bunch of halflings have decided not worth it, we're outta here And They're very much tied to the land so it must be bad Yeah it's gotta be pretty rough And we also found out that the halflings are not worth it Yeah And we also found out that the halflings are not worth it Yeah And we also found out that the halflings are not worth it Yeah And we also found out that the halflings are not worth it Yeah And And And And And And And And And strong breeze you can smell it yeah you're like oh they're all around yeah but cabbage is going I thought existed just before they do but maybe you're getting the idea that maybe not in these numbers climate change yeah yeah also like maybe some of the shit that we fucked up with the animals in spirit world yeah they're a little invasive they're taking advantage and then you guys in investigated the fanny pack that you recovered and we ever got his arm stuck in there and the bag was unfolded to reveal a tent we thought it was a forever bag but it's actually a forever house it's a forever worm well a treasure worm it was a treasure worm inside of which you found 400 bucks too much stuff yeah 400 gold coin yeah and then ving found for ving yeah it's vings billy found a ruby and I found a fucking flashlight uh which is now hanging yeah the pig got a flashlight now and you opened another section in the tent bag to reveal a sitting room and a small kitchenette it appears and a portrait of a wizard you imagine you assume named morris wadge master of arcane architecture yeah and perel fucking perel does not seem to like this guy one bit yeah he's like this fucking asshole how do you know him so we yeah we cut to the sitting room of the bag home what are we gonna call this thing it's a forever tent the forever tent um and perel is yeah staring at this portrait hey how do you know that guy we ran in the same circles so to speak she gets date no whoa no something I'm a wizard I had very little time for romantic entanglements not interested in morris oh so arrogant just unbelievable he you know a lot of wizards tend to specialize in a in a field of study and morris decided that architecture was the way for him to go oh I can build things that stand the test of time oh yes who cares about frogs perel people need homes blah blah blah so long story short he's a dick was a dick I guess look who's still alive mori ving pushes his hand through Perel's face.

Okay, point made. I whisper to Billy, I'm like, there's definitely like, there's some like history in the relationship. Oh, I know, that's what I mean. He won't tell us. Yeah. Probably because he's embarrassed because look at that hairline receding all the way back and that neck beard. It's true. Looks bad. Hey, Perel, it looks bad. Yeah, Perel. I know. If you fuck this guy, you have terrible taste in dudes. Yeah, this guy has a really cool house. Look at your house. This is a shit-filled box.

And Perel disappears. Oh, fuck. Wait, come back. He huffs. He goes like, and then he, gone. No, oh no. And Mirrors, actually you noticed that while you were talking to Perel for this extended period of time, Mirrors was frozen in place. Time stop? Cool. We can use that later. Yeah. And so Mirrors keeps walking. He's like, this is amazing. Can you, have you ever seen, do you guys, do you deal with this kind of stuff a lot? I mean, we're starting to.

Yeah, not this specifically, but like, you know. One time, Ving, Ving and us met this golden elk. What? On top of a mountain. It was crazy, man. And, there were a bunch of little potato men there. Tuck is so bad at telling stories. It sounds like he's making it up. Even though this is a thing that actually happened. Yeah, Mirrors is nodding like, uh-huh. Uh-huh. Okay. All right. I'm gonna go check out the kitchen. I'm not lying. I, okay. Hey, Mirrors, he's not lying. Okay, Billy. Hey, hey now.

You think you can talk down to me? I guess you can. I'm not. It happened. Anyways, he's trying to get around you guys, and he's like, no, just believe me. Just listen.

You know, actually, now that I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, It's thing on julie's a little bit yeah should I do a trap expert I mean you can do it whenever you want yeah well fuck yeah okay unless you guys don't want me no no do it um 2d6 plus dexterity I got 12 oh wow crush that roll so that's three blood brothers what are you doing there what is that symbol you're making yeah that was cool okay oh is billy doing that billy's doing gang signs but he doesn't know what gangs they're for they're just gangs that he's seen in the world what is this I don't know okay at all uh yeah on your okay so on a 10 plus you hold three yeah spend your hold as you walk through the area to ask these questions okay billy walks around hand on chin and he's like hmm which chin the littlest the first chin so he's he asks what else is hidden here oh jessica you're all sneaky ones such a billy way to billy does find another couple snaps obviously yeah finds another couple snaps across from the entrance to this room there's more snaps and uh billy just opens them well wait wait wait wait yeah you should ask another question yeah um is there a trap here and if so what activates it yes there is a trap and it is activated by opening these snaps well balls okay so what what does the trap do when I activate it I think what it is is that you notice like written above where the snaps are it says like guest quarters but you just peek a tiny bit through with your tiny little fairy hands you look put your little eye through the hole and you see movement you're like that is not a guest room whoa so you get the idea that if you open this without the right not authorization but like kind of authorization like unless you have the right clearance code or something like that some sort of password or whatever it opens into a different way more dangerous room oh yikes cool danger room forever danger room yeah well it's good that we know all the dangerous stuff is there so we don't have to worry about any other place cool yeah so as it's stands you're like oh we shouldn't try and go in any other rooms until we learn more well darn so I rifle around for some paper do I find some maybe in your bag not here there's no paper here I don't know there's like a book on a table okay I take well I open it what's the book what's just a novel what's the name of it jesus fuck abdul no we gotta know okay uh uh it's called um um um bibliomancy in the modern world um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um Nobody go in this room.

This is the danger room. Yeah. Great. Okay. So you have this room. That's what you know. You have this room. It's got a small kind of kitchen area. It smells delicious. Mears is cooking up something awesome. Just cooking up a storm. A red Thai curry. Has Mears gone through the different cabinets? It's a lot of like staples. There's a lot of like beans and oats and stuff, and most of them are spoiled. He's like, I don't think there's any usable food here, but we have our rations. Okay.

I am really hesitant to be in here. Okay. Mears, I take your face in my hands. Okay. Why are you narrating this? Because I am climbing up the counter to do it, and I'm just warning you. Now I can take your face into my hands. Okay. I look you in the eyes, and I ask, Mears, what are you so worried about? Why don't you trust us? It's not that I don't trust you. It's that I don't trust magic or wizards or that whole sort of zone. It's scary. Wizards ruined the world.

I mean, yeah, that's one theory about it. Okay. Sure. I'm pretty young. I'd say I don't know everything about the world, but I do know that anytime I've encountered magic personally, people have gotten hurt. Like when? Ving was killed. Right. Holds up hand. The willow, the wisps in the forests around Mudlark frequently led people to their deaths. Mm-hmm. I lost a hand to a big frog. Magic frog. Magic frog.

Hey, it's fine to be scared of this kind of stuff, but nothing interesting is ever going to happen to you if you never hang out in a forever tent or try and make a deal with a frog king. Or if you never try to send that letter I saw you write to Kem, you should actually send it to him. He starts blushing. Yeah. Ellie. Ellie. Yeah. And- We cut back to earlier in the trip when Ving was reading it to the two of us. How do I miss Kem? Let me count the ways. Oh my God.

Wait, is this a poem or a letter? He can't tell. Cut back to the tent. Mears, you have to face your fears like we all do. And you don't have anything in words. I don't have anything to worry about. I point to the danger zone. We took care of it. Nothing's going to happen. Slightly bulging with movement. I feel like somebody's going to have to make a roll. Like a- Oh, yeah. Maybe defy danger charisma. Billy. Unless you're trying to convince him. I guess the danger room is taken care of. Yeah.

Fuck me. Oh my God. So many. Ooh. 13. Jesus God. You could talk him into anything. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He looks at Billy and he looks at the danger room. He goes, okay. All right. Yeah. It is pretty warm in here. Yeah. And it's dry. The rain isn't getting in somehow. There's a gas range. Is this even outside? It's inside. Inside what? Our hearts. What? And I go outside. I get Francis and I bring him inside.

You bring Francis in? Yeah. Yeah. I don't want to be out in the rain. It's hard going getting him through the front room, but you do make it work. And you feel it actually moves a little bit like the tent kind of works with you. Okay. And but it's tight. Like Francis is like, but eventually he pads inside. He's getting mud all over the place and dripping all over because he's coming to shaggy fur. Yeah. And you're all just kind of in this weird tent. I start a fire. In the little burning stove.

Yeah. And it gets pretty toasty. It's like kind of nice. It's really nice. Cool. Let's have dinner. We already ate. Again. Okay. Well, Mears fries up some eggs. Okay. If anybody wants an egg, I'm into it. Midnight snack. Yeah, I'll have four. Breakfast for dinner. Midnight snack. I'll have four eggs. Four dozen eggs. Every morning to help me get large. Fuck. Dude, I'm huge. You're roughly the I'm on a fucking keto diet. This is all I can have. Give me every egg you have. Yeah.

And then unless there's anything else you guys want to do, the night passes. Yeah. Is there like a big chaise lounge or couch or something I can sleep on? None of the furniture in here is big enough for Tuck. But the floor is fairly comfortable. Fine. I sleep on the floor next to Francis. Yeah, you can lean against Francis. He's really toasty. No, I cuddle into him. Yeah. He's like, great. Can I do communion of whispers tonight? Yeah, totally.

Rest and do a thing and just I would like to see if there's any spirits in the tent. All right. I mean, I'm not against it. Do we think that this tent zone exists in okay. Let's talk about magic. Is this tent part of a singular thing that exists in the real world or does it open into an alternate place? Yes, I like alternate place. Yeah, it's not part of our universe. It's a different vibration. I like a different vibration. Yeah. Yeah, or or something else. Cool. Yeah, I'm into that. Oh, Lord.

Okay. Fuck. Five. We spent five. Nice. How is it that Jessica is the only one that succeeds? It's because I have the good dice. I was doing really good last game. Share those. On a miss, the vision is upsetting, frightening, or traumatizing. You sit in the middle of the tent and you're like attempting to commune with whatever spirit. It's might exist in this tent. And I think that's, I think that's the problem is this isn't connected to the natural world.

This is a whole different space that was like created by a wizard. So you open yourself up in the same way and you are just filled with dread and emptiness and void. And that feeling sucks really bad because Bing is used to being filled with like spirits of the natural world. And now you're filled with nothing. Oh, okay. Wow. Yeah. The aching coldness inside. Yeah. And maybe he hears like the distant whispers of like the creatures that exist in the nothing space. Yeah. What's in there?

Things that are trapped. Yeah. They're just like skittering. Feels like a chittering inside your mind. So negative one. Negative one. Due to depression. Due to being sad. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It stays with you. Yeah. Like this like chittering sound is just in your mind. Yeah. And that's how Bing spends like the night. Like you're just trapped with this feeling. And everybody else is toasty. Billy's sleeping in a cupboard or whatever the hell. Oh, yeah.

He pulled out a drawer. He's got a bed in a drawer. Yeah. So close. Yeah. He feels good. Yeah. Mears is sleeping on a couch. Tuck is sleeping on a pig. You know, just life. Kicking it with your bros. Sleeping on a pig. And in the morning, Mears makes you a nice breakfast. And do you just set out? Are you like, all right. We fold the tent. Oh, yeah, for sure. We snap it back up. Yeah. Like you grab an edge basically and lift it off the ground and it goes. It folds back up into a.

You know how when you try and fold a tent back together, you're like, it's, it's, you can't get it right. It's like always too big for the bag. Yeah. So it's like bulging. Fuck. How did this fold up? There's like a plate that's trying to force its way. Like, ah, shit. There's always something sticking out of it, like a fucking chair leg. Mears, did you not close that cupboard? All the plates are falling out, you idiot. And the Panusians are gone. Oh, okay. And what else is gone? Uh-oh. Our cart?

No, not your whole cart. That would be too big. The money? Did those fucking Panusians steal our money? I feel like that's too much. They did take something, though. What did they take? What were you keeping in the cart? The lantern's gone. Oh, yeah. Your bullseye lantern's gone. Did they take my fucking flash? No. He loves it. Oh. Son of a bitch. Yeah, you go to the cart and the hook that it was hanging on is empty and they took the hook. So fucking… Mears is like, okay, I mean, that sucks.

It's not a huge loss, though, so… Should we get moving? Fine. You hop on the cart and it's just like another, you know, another night of traveling, so unless there's anything anybody wants to do at night… The one thing I want to do while we're on the road is I want to gain some insight into Perel using my new move for the Blood God. Maybe I'll say that without perfect. For the Blood God. Okay. Sure. So that means that you're just gonna, like, what, chat it up with Larry, Terry, and Chad?

Yeah. So for the Blood God, it says you are initiated in the old ways, the ways of sacrifice. Choose something your gods value, gold, blood, bones, or the like. When you sacrifice those things as per your rites and rituals, roll plus wisdom on a 10-point roll. Plus, the GM will grant you insight into your current trouble or a boon to help. So the way that we constructed this was I commune with the spirits through the axe. By smashing stuff.

By, like, yeah, doing, like, a flash dance style, like, axe thing in the woods or something. And smashing a bunch of shit with it. Yeah. And then… Is that your sacrifice? And the sacrifice is, like, all of the things I'm destroying. Yeah. 2d6 plus wisdom. Seven. Seven. Okay, cool. So you… They do take of your flesh as well. So I hurt myself. You hurt yourself really bad. Yeah. Roll a d6. Now it's a six. This is the highest number I've rolled today. Yeah. This will deal with armor, probably.

So it's a five instead. But you swing your axe… You're smashing your stuff in the woods. And you swing your axe really hard and you hit a rock way harder than you expected to and you pull your shoulder really bad. Shit! Fuck! Fuck! But Larry, Terry, and Chad are like, Hey, man, sorry. How are you? Sorry about that. From far away, someone's like, Are you okay? I'm fine! He's fine. Hey, sorry, man. What's going on? Hey. How are you guys doing? Oh, we're doing pretty… Being an axe…

Rules, man! It's been so nice hanging out with you and your buds. Yeah, man. I'm so happy we could bring you guys back. I guess we're, like, physical now, huh? What do you think? What do you think of the real world? It's… Everything's really… It smells bad, man. Everything smells like something here. Yeah. I don't like it, but I like being an axe. Yeah. I like getting whipped around. Yeah. It's exciting. Yeah. As a rock, we barely moved at all. Now we're getting whipped around like crazy.

Whip me around. I whip him around. Yeah! I do a pretty, like, lazy, like, whip. Hell yeah! Oh, man! Woo! Can I do another one? No, okay. All right, that's enough. Are you sick? I'm a little sick. I'm fine. I'm fine. If you guys want to keep going, I'm good to go. No, I think we should stop. I'm getting tired. So what do you need, man? When I'm commuting with them, does it, like, does everything slow down like it does with Perel? Three rocks appear in the sky and look down from the clouds. Okay.

What need you, our brother? No, it's… Pretty good. I like that. Yeah. All right, fine. Then it's like a Lion King thing. You can see that outline of three rocks in the sky. So cool. Tacoma, our brother, what can we do for you? Hey, I'm trying to figure out if I could trust Perel. What do you think? Who? The wizard, the guy that's in the stone box. Can you, like, look inside there because you're stone too and, like, tell me what he's up to? Oh, that thing. No, we've tried.

It is a different situation. Fuck. You know, Wardstone is like, yeah, Wardstone. Can they get a sense of what's happening in there? I mean, yeah. Does he seem cool? Yeah, yeah, he seems awesome, but I don't, I just want to make sure he's not trying to fuck us over. Well, I mean, looking at the stone, we can see that it is, it's strong, you know? The stone. What the fuck are you guys doing? I'm just saying, like, you've dealt with the guy, right? With the wizard? Yeah. And he seems okay?

Yeah, he seems okay. Has he tried to fuck you before? No. Hmm. Okay. Does it seem like he would have a reason to want to fuck you? No, not really. Tuck's flexing his arms. I don't know. You tell me, buddy. Um, then, yeah, that's, I mean, like, you know, we can try and keep an eye out because, I mean, now that we're spirits and now that we're around, like, we can perceive so much more than we used to be able to. Yeah, keep an eye out for stuff.

So, like, because at this point, you've kind of just been giving me, like, loose advice. Not so much for the blood god type stuff, but, like, kind of the kind of thing that, like, a guy at a, like, 7-Eleven would tell me, you know? Yeah, it's, it's almost like you asked three rocks in an axe what they know about an unimaginably powerful ghost man. And we're like, hey, this is your shit, right? And we were like, not really. And you were like, that's bullshit.

And we're still trying to fucking help you. All right, fair enough. Just keep an eye out for any weird shit. Yeah. If you notice anything, tell me. Fucking, yeah, man. Okay, cool. Okay, hey. What's up? It's been real. Yeah. And whip him around one more time. Yeah. And the clouds drift away. So, what a weird move I took. That was awesome. So, they have granted you a boon that will become clear at some point. Cool. But they're, but they're basically, they're keeping an eye out to help.

They want to help you and they're going to try. Yeah. Cool. Anything else that, Bing's still doing his, like, spirit man thing, right? You're still, Bing is still looking for a spirit animal. Yeah, like every night sort of commuting or with this vision, does he, has he still been doing that? He's kind of lost his hope a little bit right now. Oh, no. Yeah, he's, there's no point, there's nothing out there. Maybe he thinks, well, maybe he'll, he'll never find the spirit animal. Maybe he's lost it.

So, he's, he's definitely despondent and feeling very useless. Whoa. And pointless. Yeah. So, he's just kind of bummed out. The emptiness, the emptiness of the, when he tried to contact that wizard's world and, like, imbue with that spirit and he contacted just a great nothingness, it's definitely affected him. Yikes. Okay. What's Billy been up to? Ooh, you know, sleeping in his drawer that he loves. He also has been sneaking off to the danger zone to, like, peer more into it. Whoa.

When no one's looking. What's in there? Or what's he seen? He sees some books. Ooh. The table. The table. Some glass instruments. Whoa. Spooky in there. Shadow. Whoa. Mm. Okay. Then, yeah, I mean, a couple days pass and that's pretty much the most interesting stuff that happens. Mm-hmm. Do you find any cool books in the thing? It's mostly novels. Like, this is, like, there's a small bookshelf. Like, it's waist high, maybe three feet across and it's mostly, yeah, fiction. It's like a cottage.

Kind of, yeah. Light reading. Light reading. Okay. I'm flipping through the books every night. Yeah. There's some pretty cool fiction here. Like what? There's, like I said, there's that adventure novel that's just, like, classic adventure. There's one where someone actually goes to the stars. Oh, wow. Cool. Yeah. And there's, like, crazy adventures in the stars and there is a couple romance novels of varying kinds. There, you know, just normal fiction fare. Is there any magazines?

Yeah, there's, what's it, Mud Digest and Golf Weekly or something. Mud? Mud Affairs and Golf Night. What was the one you were going to say? Shadow Lane. Shadow Lane. It's called S-H-A-T. Yeah. Shadow Lane. It's going to say Shadow Lane. Shadow Lane. Yeah, it's like a, it's like a thief's magazine. It's all the, all the most recent thief. Oh, trickery is spiced up. Yeah. Oh, Billy, here, is there anything in here you, can you read? I can't, but are there pictures? Yeah. Super cool pictures.

Oh, sick. I take it over to my corner. To Billy's drawer. Yeah. Shut the door. But, Tuck, as you're handing it over, you really, it doesn't matter to Billy, but it's like 10 years old. The magazine? The magazine. It's from 10 years ago. You're like, oh, okay, well. This guy has to fucking renew his subscription or whatever. A couple, a couple more days pass. The rains get pretty bad for a couple of those days, but you got the forever tent, so. Thank fuck we have this waterproof tent.

Yeah, it's amazing. It's crazy that water doesn't leak into the liminal spaces between universes. And after a couple days, Mears, you're driving the tent and Mears goes, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. And he hops down and you're on like sort of the edge of a pond, like a decently sized pond. Like, what's a good pond, you know? Like a gold stream park, maybe? Yeah. Like there's no sand on the shore. It's all like grass and bulrushes and stuff.

And Mears runs up to the edge of the pond and he parts some bulrushes and there's a clump of orange flowers. Whoa. Cool. That's compass roses. Yep. He's like, oh, this has got to be it. And he looks and you see in the middle of the pond, there's like a small, soggy looking island and on it sits a little shack. That's the vault? I guess this is it. I think we're here. What do we do? What? What? You don't know? Why are you asking us? I, um, no, you're right. I know. I know what to do.

He's like straightening out his clothes and he's like, okay, let's go. You walk out into the pond, you get maybe three meters off the edge and it's like you're walking right back up onto the land. Oh. And your brain's like fucking flip for a second because you're like, this was not the direction we were going. But so you walk in and you're walking right back out. Oh, you're walking out. Oh, we're walking out of the water. You're walking into the water and you walk right back out. Whoa.

Without turning around. It's just like, bam, we're walking away. And Mirrors goes, ah, it happened to everybody, right? Yeah. Yeah. Discern realities. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Do it. Uh, plus my wisdom. Well, who, who, three questions from discern realities. What should I be on the lookout for? What's, uh, here's not what it appears to be and what's useful. What I will answer first is what here is not what it appears to be.

And, um, on the edge, like a little bit down the edge of the pond, you see, um, a duck kicking its little feet in the water, kind of like swimming back and forth. And, um, it dives under every once in a while to get some, whatever ducks eat and it pops back up and it looks at you and it goes, that's not going to work. Do you know how we can get to the shack? Ah, it takes a little bit of doing. What kind of doing? It's like, uh, you know, you can't want it so bad. Hmm.

Uh, so what this is doing is it's keeping out people who want to go to it that want, that want to like get to the, the vault really bad. You know what I mean? So it's sort of like a mental thing. Huh? Yeah. That's interesting because I don't give a shit if we really get in there. Who here cares if we actually get into the vault? I don't even want to go. I never wanted to come here at all. We're kind of being forced to do this.

So which one of us is actually like desperate to get in there and then we all look at mirrors? What do you want me to do? Why don't you stay on shore? Oh, okay. If you think that's going to work, I'll just, I'll stay here with the duck, I guess. So mirrors is just standing on the shore. Yeah. And I, yeah, I guess everybody, it'll be a defy danger, maybe wisdom. It's like a mind thing. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So, because we're all trying to convince the pond that we don't care. Yeah, exactly. Okay.

Yeah. So yeah, 2d6 plus wisdom. I got four. Teen. I got seven. Um, so Ving is like master of placidity. It's just like, all right. Yeah. Empty your mind. He's full of emptiness. That, that tracks. I like that. He's using that emptiness. So he's just like, I don't give a shit about anything. Nothing matters. Stay. Go. Yeah. Cut my life into pieces. And then he just walks into the pond. So emo. He's, yeah, he's restyled his hair. So it's like kind of like over one eye. Yeah.

So yeah, Ving, you pass. I put some muck under my eyes. Dark eyed. This is, this is dank, dank Ving. Dark Ving. Dark Ving. Dark Ving duck. Dark Ving duck. Dark Ving and duck. Dark Ving and duck. Uh, so yeah, Ving walks right past. You walk past the point that you were not supposed to be able to walk past and you wade further into the thing. That's right. Billy, however, what do you think Billy fucks up? Uh, I think Billy ate really recently. And he gets like cramps.

And so he just can't make it because of the cramps. So Billy's just stuck on the edge of the pond. Yeah. Yeah. But with cramps. Yeah. So. Owie. What? Did you like wait 45 minutes? No, definitely not. Sorry. So Billy doesn't make it out or make it through and something happens it was a failure, right? So. He gets really bad diarrhea. Am I allowed to choose that? Yeah, sure. Diarrhea. Yeah. It's a debility to dexterity. Yeah. He gets a lot of diarrhea. You could see a cloud. Oh my God.

This is the most openly diarrhea this show's been so far. So Billy's just. Fine. Fuck. He goes into those like bull rushes or whatever. Just is like screaming and tugging on the. We. All right. He's like my butt. And then he. He's like. Oh, I wiped it with poison. I. Oh my God. Oh no, Billy. I can't tell. We're on the inside. We're so concerned. Yeah. But we can't do anything about it. So Billy's got a minus one to dexterity ongoing until you solve your diarrhea troubles. Okay. Yeah.

So Billy's stuck on the weeds. All right. Tuck seven to nine. Yeah. Hmm. Yeah. Yeah. What do we. What do you. What do you think catches like why do you think Tuck partially fails this probably because he as he's like following thing he's like like I wonder if like I'm like I'm me like pretty ladies in there. So maybe it's gonna be like pretty lady or something like I should think about like a poem. So he starts to like psych himself up. Get excited. About being in there in a weird way.

He's like, oh, what if I like he gets really in his own head about it where he's like, what if there's like a lady in there? It's like she's like a lady like that, like wants you to like to do sex. Oh, yeah. Well, yeah. What if like a lady of the lake comes out? Lake Lady. Yeah. Oh, so I think what happens is since it's a seven to nine. He's like, maybe she'll be my wife. His boner gets caught up in the water. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay that's the last one that's one of diarrhea and the duck is like swimming back and forth like please get him out of here this is awful I'll stay out here to make sure Billy's okay you go inside I'm fine so you yeah you walk a little bit further out I think this is like you get to a point where it becomes a bit more of a classic test of of the hero's intelligence where great this is gonna go awesome the water you like you hit a wall in the water basically and the water is just hard at a certain point but you feel it and it moves around no it's just hard water it's not cold it's just doesn't move and you move and you feel it kind of arc a little bit with the edge of the pond but your hand dips in on one side and you realize it's a maze cool yeah in the water and you can't get out of the water like you if you put your hands on it and you try and lift yourself out you can't pull yourself out of the water let's enter the maze yeah so this is just gonna be a oh Ving takes a bull rush and busts it open uses the fluff and leaves a trail fluff behind him on the top of the water okay yeah I guess it does not float around because the water's still yeah it bumps up against the edges of the wall yeah it floats a little bit and then stops and floats it back a little bit and stops so this is gonna be a defy danger intelligence eight okay awesome um on a seven to nine on a partial success um I think it's the usual like you you can do it but um you're gonna leave something behind like kicking through this the water in this pond is very difficult so there's a lot of thrashing around anything Ving's comfortable with leaving behind well I mean it doesn't matter you gotta leave something behind what about if there's all of his poultices and stuff okay yeah so you you kind of you bump up against one of the walls uh in the water and the bag with your herbs and it gets mushed and you see it kind of spread out in the potter the water of the pond my herbs bro uh but you do you swim this like very weird circuitous route in the pond and you make your way through there's a trail of bull rush fluff and you think that'll maybe help you get back through if you need to go back which is great but that that's like you forced your way through you forced your way through you forced your way through all of these puzzles, soggy and bleeding a little bit, and internally and mentally warped, you make your way to the edge of this shack, and there's just a rotted wooden door hanging off the hinges, and you're allowed entry, basically.

I'll go in the vault. Mirrors, do you have any words of advice for me? Maybe tell them that I'm here. Maybe just, yeah, let them know that Mirrors the Great is here. No, just say Mirrors, they'll know. You still have the letter that he wrote, right, to Kim? No, don't do that. Just show them the letter. They'll recognize his handwriting. Sure, yeah. Don't do that, please. So you open the door to the shack, and there is a little slide. Sure. There's a slide in the… There's a… Whee!

There's steps dug into the floor, and next to it is a little slide, and you slide down. Whoop. And you slide down below what you believe is the water level of the pond. Not surprising. You stand up, and there is a very surprisingly wide open area dug out underneath this pond.

There's stone pillars and a stone floor that extend for probably 100 feet in either direction in this square shape, and around the edges, the pillars are evenly spaced, maybe 30 feet to a pillar, so it's this sort of echoey chamber. Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello! And every wall in this place, like wall to wall, it's all beautiful stained glass, and there's a light coming from behind it almost. Is it depicting anything, or is it just colors?

It's depicting battles of various kinds, forces of light and darkness, you know, the classic. There's a lot of a green rose, a green rose, a green rose, a robed figure, and various robed figures here and there. Do I recognize any of the figures? No, you don't recognize anybody. But you get the idea that they're all supposed to be wizards of varying shapes and sizes. There's humans, elves, dwarves, orcs, races that you don't recognize.

Is there any part that stands out, like to an entrance or a door? Is there any way I should head? As you walk in, you walk a little bit further in, and you hear behind you, oh, you've made it. And you turn around, and there is a, a six foot tall figure completely made of stained glass. And they say, I am Chamberlain. Do you have the box? Kind of. Please explain. Well, we have the box, but I'm the only one who made it. Oh. But you come with others. Yes, Mears is here. Ah, the young Mears.

You know, Mears, this is, this is, roses are apples, and apples are orange, violets are purple, and I like cameras. Damn. This piece of shit. You know this guy? I have heard. Yeah. And the stained glass hands reach out and like, ask for, like they gesture for the letter. He hands it over. And, you gotta see this thing. And the figure opens it, and it's like, it's a stained glass face, like it's got the like leaded lines, but it moves like, like with facial features. Beautiful.

And it's, you see the eyes moving back and forth. And they look back up at you and go, this is awful. Yeah. I know. But this is Mears. And they hand the letter back. They go, one moment. And, back on the shore, Tuck, are you just in the water? I went back to hang out with Billy. Okay, yeah. I don't, fuck, you are having awful diarrhea. I can't just leave you. I said I was fine. I know. And it was done. I, but I heard it start up again. I'm so embarrassed. Billy looks away.

He has nothing further to say. Swirling the diarrhea in the water with his feet. Billy, well, that's part of the reason why I went back, is to get him at least out of the water. It's fucking full of diarrhea. I'm going to catch the plague, bud. And Mears is like, are you, Billy, are you okay? Do you want some, do you want some turmeric? That should, this might help. We're, we're on the shore and I'm, I'm wiping his butt like a baby. You don't have to do this. I can do it myself.

Billy, I let you try, and do it yourself. And you just swirled water, the diarrhea water. Well, I don't know. Like, it's everywhere. And I was trying to get off my hands. And I went back on my hands. And as you're all standing there, you're talking and then you turn and the water in the pond has moved away and created a walkway that goes straight to the shack. Like it's just firm on either side. Is that for us? Yeah, I, I suppose it would be. Okay. Mir's hustles forward.

He's like, wait, I'll go first. Yeah, do it. Yeah. And he like, he's like straightening out his clothes and he's like, okay, let's go. And he, he's padding across the pond. Come on. Way too eager. Come on. I honestly, I should have made it in there first. Okay. That's fine. Yeah. I waddle. Billy, hurry up. I can't. Burns. And yeah, you three come and meet Ving. Me and Chamberlain are comparing our hands. Cause they're very like, beautiful, crystal-y glass and mine are a different sort of. Yes.

Mine are the work of eons of magical innovation and yours are terrifying. I've never met Ian. Who is this Ian? Just blank faced. Ah, your friends have arrived. Hey. Yeah. There's like a six foot tall. This is Chamberlain. Is this your house? No, this is the vault. It's nice. Is he in a state in a window or what? No, he's like, he's walking around. 3D. Just a, stained glass, like mannequin, basically walking around, like standing in front of you. 3D completely.

It's like a suit of armor, basically made out of stained glass with a face. And there's like a bright light coming from within them. Wow. What are you? I am Chamberlain. What's your job? I attend this place. Before whatever happened to my master happened to my master. I aided them. And now I aid the menders. Who was your master? My master was a magician of consumption. He had a considerable skill and they gave me life and I aided them in their magical experiments and. Thaumaturgical operations.

And when they left, I carried on and the menders eventually came to find this place and I continue to serve. Oh, you're a Golem. In such crude terms, perhaps. But if that helps you understand, then yes, I am a Golem. Anyways, I understand that you have an object for me. Uh, no, we were told to bring the object here. No one fucking knows. No one fucking told us to give it to a glass man. I am Chamberlain. I maintain the vault. They did not tell us about you.

You understand all that we've been through with this box. We can't just hand it over. You have to give us some sort of insurance. Or at least fucking bring some menders out here for us to talk to. I am the only one here. I maintain the vault. Are you fucking serious? How do we believe you? I am Chamberlain. I serve. I am Chamberlain. Please, hand over the artifact and it will be safe. No way. Yeah, what's Jessica doing? Discern realities. Okay, yeah, sure, sure. Discern realities works.

2d6 plus wisdom. Yeah, I'm very wary of this guy. I hate these dice. Fuck! What, you traded dice with somebody? Four! No, I just grabbed them. Okay. Four. Mark a point of experience. They're… Well, I mean, that's not even… Yeah, actually, you know what? Billy doesn't trust Chamberlain at all. That's your failure. Is you believe Chamberlain is trying to kill you? I believe Chamberlain is trying to trick you. All right. I tug on the… I tug on Vig's leg. Hey, I don't trust this dude.

He seems super shady. We should get out of here. What? What? I mean, this is… Mures led us here too. Chamberlain speaks up and says, I understand that you have gone through much hardship to bring this… The box to me, to Chamberlain. To the vault. But you have been, for the most part, vetted by Maggie Cole of the Menders. You are safe within the walls of this vault. However, you can understand that that box shall not be permitted to leave.

You can have as much time as you would like here, but the box must remain. What do you plan on doing with the box? It will remain here. What's gonna happen to Perel? Perel? The being in the box. I suppose whatever being exists within that box will remain here. The wards, even now, within the presence of the vault's hotspot, are strengthening. Perel! You're just gonna call him out? Yeah, and freeze time and talk to Perel. Perel pops out and goes, Where are we? We're at the vault.

And he looks around and goes, This is… This is a hotspot. Yeah. Yeah. This is bad. For me. I'm sure you can understand. As these wards strengthen on this wardstone box, I will not be able to leave. How much time do we have before you're stuck in there? Hours, days, weeks, I don't know. Ugh. What do you think we should do? Come with us. Come with us, Perel. Yeah, that would be great. Ah! You're trying… If you're trying to convince me to not stay in prison, job done. I don't wanna be here.

What? How do we get you out? I don't know. Is there anything now that we're at the vault that is powerful enough to open the box? I don't… I can't see anything here. And Perel's like looking around like frantically and he's like, I'm already perceiving less than I've been able to since I've been with all of you. Oh, he's back to the future ring. Oh, he's fading? Yeah. And as you're all talking, Mir's is frozen, but Chamberlain steps forward. Oh! I shield Perel. Cool.

He says, I understand that you may be hesitant to hand over what you believe is your friend, but this is the magical projection of an extremely dangerous being. I was… I was in service to a wizard for centuries, and look what happened. What did happen? You're stunning. Yes, I am an amazing work of art. Okay, all right, buddy. But even my master's ambition and skill led to their eventual downfall. Okay. They left, and I have been here ever since, alone, in service.

Look, Perel has fucking helped us out so many times. You have, as long as it takes Perel to fade, to convince us that he needs to stay here. I will not convince you. I will make you. How? By any means necessary. Whoa. Whoa! What is he… What? Oh, man. Tuck gets scared. Yeah. Tuck's like, What? No. He's like, He toots a little. Yeah. He does. He like farts a little bit, and then he like, he does the thing where like, you know, you like walk into like a haunted house, and you're like, Yeah.

Stick your arms up like you're trying to defend yourself. Stick your arms up, like, and you crouch down, and you stick your butt out, and you're like, What? Plugs his ears. What is going on? You're defending yourself against the feeling of being scared. Yeah. Yeah. What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? But Chamberlain doesn't do anything.

Okay, maybe we've fallen in love with the being in the box. A little bit. He is close to us, so we don't know what to do. Do you not understand that these boxes were constructed as prisons for dangerous wizards? We understand that you believe every wizard to be dangerous. I believe every wizard to be imprisoned within a ward stone chamber to be dangerous. That was the purpose of the boxes. But you're making the implicit assumption that everyone in prison is dangerous.

Has Perel ever told you why they were imprisoned? Yeah. He said, um… The people were scared of him. Yeah, he tried a thing. He tried to save the world. And it didn't work. Yeah. He tried to save the world, and he was imprisoned for that. Well, yeah, maybe he did it, you know, he went about it the wrong way. It doesn't make him… A murderer? Perel? And he's standing there, and he looks very troubled. Perel, why were you in the prison? The… He's like, he's having trouble.

Perel, you have to fucking answer the question. We're gonna take a huge risk here and try and save you, but we need honesty. Um… Magic is very dangerous. Um… When I attempted… I… For my work, I needed help. I needed assistance. Like Chamberlain here. Chamberlain was created to aid a wizard. All good wizards need assistance from time to time. Um… Mine just so happened to take a form that ended up being a little bit more dangerous than I had expected it to be. What? Like, what?

I mean, you've encountered them before. What? The Bullywugs? Yes. Oh, that was you? That was me, yes. And, um, you know, when you create a… A species of ravenous frog warriors, occasionally blood is spilled. How much… How much blood was spilled? Enough. I just wanted to help. The Exodus was tearing the world apart. Look at it now. So much is unstable. You've experienced the instability of magic yourselves. Multiple times, I believe. I wanted to mitigate that. And I still do.

With my return, if I were to return, I will use my power and my energy to bring stability back to the world in any way that I can. Whatever scale is possible, step by step, we can rebuild the fabric of magic. What if I asked you not to do that? What do you mean? What if I asked you to swear that you wouldn't try and bring back magic? I'm a wizard, Tacoma. I am magic. And Chamberlain, like, speaks and says, this is what the Menders are attempting to do.

This is what the Menders are attempting to avoid. Beings like this, taking and making and breaking their power when and where they can. Do you understand? Uh, I take the box off, and I'm like, I turn to Perel, and I'm like, I'm sorry. It's too much of a risk. And I hand it to Chamberlain. What? And Chamberlain holds the box in their hands, and says, the logical decision. What does Perel say? Perel says, Tacoma, please. I can try and fix things. For me, for you, maybe someday for everyone.

All right, that's good enough for me. And then I, uh, so then I take the axe, which is, uh, the, like, the spirit axe, which can smash any stone, right? Uh-huh. Which includes ward stone. Uh-huh. Now, you're not gonna make some fucking rule about that last minute? Tac's already broken ward stone before. I take the axe, and I smash the box and Chamberlain. Whoa! Ugh. Fuck! Yikes. Okay. That was the test. That was the test. The test for Perel? Perel? Yeah.

I wanted to see if he would turn on us if he thought that we had betrayed him. Whoa, that's dope. Yeah. That was the point. Oh, smart, smart, smart. Sorry I almost hit you. Okay, um, okay, so give me, yeah, I guess that's a hack and slash, right? Well, I, it's hard, because, like, are you doing both things at the same time? I'm taking the axe. Yeah. And, like, Chamberlain is standing in front of me, right? Yeah. With the box.

And I take the axe and, like, kind of, like, sneak attack, like, swing it from the bottom. Yeah. So it would hit him both. Yeah, through the box and then through Chamberlain. Oh, I see. Okay, I see. Cool. Okay, so, yeah, hack and slash, 2d6 plus strength. Nine. Oh, I'll aid. I'll crystal glass. Crystal punch to the stained glass face. Yeah! Okay, so 2d6 plus bond. Oh. Ten. So, making a, making Tuck's roll a ten. Yeah. An unmitigated success. Yes. So, how does Ving aid? Um.

He talks to Larry and Chad, too, and, like, and he uses his fist. Right. He communes with them and lets them know that they're about to pass through some magical glass. He, like, really prepares them. Like, he can make them more powerful by getting them aligned with the vibration they're about to attack. And also, he's doing it in tandem. Yeah.

So, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, he's, And also he's doing it in tandem.

So he's like punching to distract him. Okay. All right. Tacoma, give me a D10. Two. Tink. That is not great. Yeah. Damn. So Chamberlain standing there holding the box and Ving lunges forward. It's that sort of thing where you all, before Tuck even swings, the two of you know that he's going to because you fought together so often. Like you know that he's kind of tensing up. You can see the sort of micro movements that he's ready to fight. Yeah.

So just as Tuck is swinging up, Ving lunges forward. And the axe hits the edge of the Warnstone box and pushes it a little bit up. Like it moves. And you think for a second that it's not going to break. And then just crunch right through the middle. It shatters. Different pieces of work. Warnstone fly all over the room. And Chamberlain's hands are just empty.

It's surprisingly anticlimactic for a thing you've been waiting for and wondering if it would happen for weeks and weeks, months and months. But it's just crumbled on the ground. But the axe hits Chamberlain's body and just scrapes up against it. And Ving's claws dig in and just break off. Like parts break off on Chamberlain's body. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Oh. Oh. Last minute, oh, he's going to save Perel. So he kind of was mid-air for this.

And instead he lands on Chamberlain. And he's like, well, I should probably do something here. He has wild diarrhea. And Chamberlain's just standing there. Like, they almost don't know what to do. And they just look at the pile of rubble and at you and say, no. And they step forward. They grab Billy. Like, a hand comes up and grabs Billy and steps forward. And Billy, you can feel this, like, stained glass hand gripping into your flesh and reaching to the point of, like, my arm is going to break.

Like, he's grabbing you really hard. And you hear cracking as different parts of Chamberlain's body snap off into these, like, rigid jagged glass shards. And, Billy, you feel a snap as your arm breaks. And there's sounds of shattering as jagged pieces of glass start coming off Chamberlain's body. And they sort of unfold like this horrid stained glass flower covered in thorns. And they're just holding Billy up in the air. And they say, no.

And they step towards Tuck and Ving with horrible intent in their eyes. Their weird stained glass lead-lined eyes. And just as they're reaching out to Tuck and Ving, you see pieces of glass start coming off their body. And with that movement, they just crumble into a pile of multicolored sand. And standing where Chamberlain was, is Perel. And that's where we're going to end the episode. Nice. This has been Spout Lore. My name's Sean O'Hara.

I've been the Game Master with me as always, playing Fat Billy the Halfling Thief, Jessica Tai. Wow. Bye, guys. Playing Tacoma Dome, the Barbarian Abdulaziz. Goodbye. Playing Ving, the Half-Elf Druid, Paul Oppers. My mind is blown. Thank you to Wes for all the technical work, Abdul for all the editing. Thanks to Mark and MP for letting us into their home where we bother their kids, Will and Carter, all day. And thanks to Aaron Reid for the intro and outro music. Thanks to our Patreon susporters.

Susporters. For all your susport. Your susport really helps. Check us out on social media, Spout Lore most places. And thank you to you for listening. We'll see you next time. Bye-bye. And so ends the tale of adventures three who tried the best they can. Though dumb and scared and lost they be, for time's abreast in revelry. And though our journey may be like a conclusion, we will not leave you without a resolution. Return next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores.

And for you I'd gladly Spout Lore. Jessica, why do you have a knife? Oh, it was for the jerky bag. Okay. There's just a big knife on the table. And now what's it for? Billy, show me what you have. A knife!