Season Six: The Old Man & The Sea

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape, and wields a spear with great might Peely's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends, and listen close For the tale's about to start Hello everybody and welcome to Spout Lore.

I'm your host, Spelt. I'm your Game Master, Sean O'Hara. And I, for the first time since this podcast has been released, just thought about the person playing tambourine in our theme song. There's somebody who, in this bard's troupe, whose only job is to play the tambourine. I always imagined it was like that guy from Mary Poppins who has all the… Dick Van Dyke? Yeah, who has all the instruments on him. Oh, he's just, he's a one-man band? Yeah. That's better, that's better.

And that voice belongs to… Playing Tacoma Dome, the Barbarian Abdulaziz. Hello everybody. And playing Ving, the Half-Elf Druid, Paul Oppers. Hello! Playing Fat Billy, the Halfling Thief, Jessica Tai. Hello! When last we left our heroes, they were taking part in a whirlwind escape from the resort town of Crystal Bay aboard the West Wind, a merchant vessel slash pirate ship being pursued by Crystal Bay customs officials on their own ships, as well as the Purifier, flagship of the Light Guard.

You guys really just kind of stacked problems on top of problems. That escape that we played out was pretty frantic, pretty frenzied. Tuck dragged a cannon from one side of the ship to the other, which no human being should be able to do, and took a couple pot shots at some customs vessels. Billy corralled Perel into helping the ship move faster by altering the sails. He did some transfiguration magic and made them long. He did some transfiguration magic and made them long.

He did some transfiguration magic and made them long. There's a ton of work to be done. There's a ton of work to be done. There's a ton of work to be done. There's a ton of work to be done. There's a ton of work to be done. There's a ton of work to be done. There's a ton of work to be done. There's a ton of work to be done. There's a ton of work to be done. There's a ton of work to be done. There's a ton of work to be done. There's a ton of work to be done. There's a ton of work to be done.

There's a ton of work to be done. There's a ton of work to be done. There's a ton of work to be done. There's a ton of work to be done. There's a ton of work to be done. And decided to throw a big old lightning leash around it and drag it to the shore, baby. Easily one of the coolest things that's ever happened in the podcast. Yeah, this is like people are going to tell stories about this probably forever. Yeah. Stormbringer. The man who rode the storms. Yeah, pretty sick.

I like the idea that there are people telling stories about your adventures for generations, but they're all about Ving. Ving, Stormcaller, the Spirit Walker and his two friends. And his two friends, Bill Bose and the big wall boy. Oh, I'm surprised. His son, Fat William and his butler, the bearded baby. And I mean, that is where we left our heroes. On the deck of a ship in a storm. Ving is still on the bird? I mean, yeah, Ving is like on the bird in the middle of a storm.

So, I mean, that's the situation you find yourselves in. You are absolutely overwhelmed. Visually, audibly, you can see cracking lightning through a wall of almost impenetrable gloom. The deck is bucking under your feet. People are shouting and running around. You feel people bumping into you, but you can barely see them. And you hear wind chimes over the sound of the storm. And in a distance that you can't quite tell how close or far away it is, you see what looks like a bonfire. Oh, fuck.

And Ving, you are… Seeing all of these things from about 50 feet in the air. Your knees locked on either side of the Thunderbird trying not to get thrown off. What do you all do? I'm going to swoop down to that bonfire. Check it out. See if I can do a pass. Yeah, absolutely. Give me a defy danger. So it's basically like you're trying to stay seated. So what do you think this? How would you be doing that? Strength. Strength? Okay. Defy danger. Strength. Pinch in the bird. Okay, great. 11.

That was great. Yeah, you just like lock your knees on either side, grab a big tough to feathers and the Thunderbird works with you. Then that then I will allow you now to roll a discern realities. Yeah, there's down under the feathers. Oh no, I'm just going to go ahead and mark a point there. It's like the dice know that our characters are stupid. It's like punches his thighs ripple and he dives into the cloud and just like bounces off of a mast comes up. There was a crow's nest.

I didn't see the crow's nest. I got nothing. I rolled a three. Yeah, that's a hard failure. Is there a mark? Can you see a mark? Yeah, it's like there's tiny Thunderbirds circling your head. It's your eyes cross hook, pick hook, pick hook. And here Thunderbird squawks. It doesn't even make like a it doesn't even make an eagle sound. It goes like a fucking goose, but you do see the source of a bonfire and it is a bonfire. A man.

Oh gosh, and the torch of McCall turns and sees you and just punches forward roll a ten two. Oh, wow. That is great. That is very good. We can't see much, but we saw like the shadow of the Thunderbird go towards this bonfire and we heard the squawk and then we saw what like it looks like, you know, when a jet engine explodes and there's like a trail of black smoke. Yeah, totally. Like all of his wool is just burning.

Yeah, the Thunderbird does recover, but this huge gout of flame ignites a few of the Thunderbirds feathers and also singes like up one of your arms, giving you a pretty nasty flash burn. Tuck and Billy, you hear Kingsley shouting over the storm. Somehow his voice is booming over the wind and he's yelling real sailor-y shit like batten this, get below decks, blah, blah, blah. I didn't know you were a sailor. Were you? In the Sea Cadets?

I was in the Sea Cadets and my dad was in the Navy for 37 years. I spent a lot of time on boats, actually. All you came up with was blah, blah, blah. Yeah. Well, the thing is, is that there's not a lot of battening on like a naval frigate because the ship kind of does all that for you. As we all know, of course, common general knowledge. Yeah, yeah, yeah. With the friggle rocks, it's really hard to batten those snatches.

And when you're battening the planks and looping the knots, it's hard to say where the sails will take you. Oh! The starboard could go anywhere. That's like an inspirational quote that is in an office on a naval. Are Billy and Tuck together? Yeah, we were standing next to each other. Ooh, actually, because everything's so dark and so frantic, you guys are gonna need to find out if you can find each other. What's Tuck doing?

Tuck, I think when everything goes black, it's the kind of thing where like, where's my kid? Yeah, it's where's my kid? And he's like, he starts like calling for Billy. Okay. And he's like, Billy, Billy! Yeah! And I'm trying to follow this. I'm over here! Defy danger wisdom. I got 12. Okay, great. Yeah. Billy is not that far away. Like, you've both been kind of thrown away from each other a little bit, trying to keep your footing. I fell into a pile of ropes. I'm here!

You grab down and grab what feels like a ball of spaghetti and Billy's at the center of it. I'm a meatball. I take those ropes and I tie Billy to myself like in a little baby Bjork because I don't want to lose him. Yeah. Defy danger dexterity because this is like under duress. Okay. Yeah. Eight. Eight. Okay. You do that, like you're tying Billy and then Tuck shockingly, you're the one that remembers, where's the vase? Oh. Billy, where's the vase? Oh, I put it in our room. We gotta go downstairs.

Yeah, I start, I'm like, this is fucking stressful. Tuck's not used to having to focus on so many things at this point. He's wearing Billy around his neck like Flava Flav wears clocks. Yeah. He's like running downstairs to try and find a vase with a monster in it. So there is a shit ton of stuff going on right now. There are people everywhere. It's still pretty dark. It's gonna be hard.

Like, that's the thing is it's gonna be hard to do anything right now, like let alone find your way below deck. So yeah, how are you guys finding your way below deck? I'm gonna give directions because I know where everything where I put everything because I set up the room. Could you maybe feel for it magically too? Oh, yeah, for sure. Oh, yeah. So he focuses on his memory of where he put it and he feels like a little string of energy that he could like pull.

This is gonna be a discern realities, I think. Okay. Yeah. I got ten. You get three questions from the discern realities list. What here is useful or valuable to me? Billy, you can feel like kind of the ambient emotions of people and you can feel coming off the where the wheel is that Kingsley's trying really hard to keep it together, but he's about to lose control. Okay. Um, Tuck, we got a key run really fast. Yeah. Okay. I run to our bunk. Okay.

So with Billy's direction, you make it downstairs, but Tuck, I need you to roll a defy danger. Probably dexterity. Seven. You find yourself down below deck. There are barrels and boxes flipping all over the places. The ship bucks back and forth. There are people running all over, but you see the vase kind of moving back and forth like an egg in a nest. I run up and grab it. All right. I unzip the fanny pack. I'm like, stuff it in. Okay. Shove it in. I pass it off to Mears. Mears?

Mears is like, yeah. Can you catch this? It's the vase. Yeah. And you hear him go. Okay. I got it. Okay. All right. Put it in safe. Put it in my cupboard. Okay. Strap it up tight and lock it up. Well, you're okay with me touching your stuff. Yeah, it's fine. That's fucking great because he collected over the last few weeks all of the soft things and he just put it in his drawer and we're like, Billy, you gotta stop cutting this stuffing out of the cushions. It's good.

It's fucking up the whole house. And now everyone's like, great idea. Yeah. I love you. And as you're zipping it shut, you hear Mears go, wait, what's going on? He has no fucking clue what's happening. Yeah. We cut to Mears inside. He's got the vase under one arm like a football and his hand up against the wall is everything shaking back and forth. Oh God. And Francis is on his back. His little legs are kicking in the air. Mears just pukes. Plates are falling out of the cupboard.

He's catching them all. Yeah. And you can see that post-it note falls off the danger room. Oh no. So thing you are above you are in the skies of the storm. The winds are buffeting you there. Jimmy buffeting you. What do you do? I'd like to land on deck. Okay. Yeah, I'm having a hard time locating the boat. You're having a hard time locating anything. There's lightning all over the place. The only thing that is a landmark is the torch of McCall. Maybe. I should use them. How so?

Maybe I'll get close enough and do a pass in front of him so that he will shoot at me and then I'll follow his shot. So I'm going to try and use it as a torch light. Tricking him into like firing a flare. Yeah. That's so cool. So you can see where our ship is. So I can see where the west wind is. Because it'll illuminate some of the it'll illuminate some of the storm. So defy danger dexterity to pull this off. Nice. Ten. Yeah, baby. So cool. So you swoop down how to train your dragon style.

I come in on like his level. Yeah, like at front of them and he shoots a couple over my head. Yeah, you get so close. You can see him like make eye contact with you as you fly by him. What is his like disposition? Is he furious right now or what? Surprisingly calm. Like mechanical almost. Yeah, he's done this before. Like he's seen it all. This is not scary to him. He's totally human torched right now. Like completely. Yeah, well, it's it's it's around his feet.

It's like he's at the center of a of like a conflagration. Okay. Yeah, his skin isn't burning.

His clothes are intact, but he is standing in the middle of a huge fire and he's like pulling pieces off of it to throw at you like he's manipulating the flame cool and you get so close as you pull by you make eye contact and you think you see a bit of flame burning behind his eyes and he just goes like a bunch of bolts of fire just rip over your head and under the bird and he fires a big shot straight ahead of you as you pull away. I chase it.

Yeah, it arcs forward through the air like it's got mass like it's not just flame. Yeah, and it sails by before splashing into the water right next to the west wind and you go, oh, there's the ship boom land on deck and the bird just grabs onto the side of the ship with its town fall off the front of it. Just land in a pile. You gotta tell me when you're gonna stop, buddy. It's like when you hit the front brakes on a mountain bike. He goes right over tea kettle. Oh, tea kettle.

That's not a bad name for a bird. That's actually pretty good. That's not bad. Oh, man. Tuck and Billy, you run upstairs onto the deck and you see Ving sprawled out in front of the Thunderbird. Oh, God. Holy moly. That is you look badass. You look like Grandmaster Flash. What the fuck are we gonna do? And I go up to like sick move pulling that storm and it is a lot. Meaner than I expected. Yeah, I watch the whole thing and boy was it something. It's making this face. Oh, no, you look cool.

You look super cool. You too baby Bjorn to be wild over here. Bjorn to be wild. We're literally in the middle of a disaster. We're doing puns that Kingsley's bellowing. You can you hear him yelling. You look back. You see all the cords in his arms like popping. He's just trying so hard to steer this fucking ship. Where's Perel? I don't know Perel Perel Where are you? You're my crocs dad. You are all looking around like where is Perel? Where could he possibly be?

And you look towards the front of the ship and you see a massive rune covered pillar emerge from the fog. Oh shit you guys look and you know the ship is about to crash. It's going. The ship is going to crash. What do you do? Yeah exactly. There's a small bit of silence before everything gets really bad and you know the ship is going down. Like the quality of the sound changes where there's no ocean noise coming from in front of us anymore.

Yeah because we're up against this big buffered sound wall. I grab Ving and tuck. You feel the prow of the ship touch the pillar first and then the only sound that you hear is the sound of the timbers deep in the ship start to splinter and smash. Sick. Oh god. We can feel it. And moving backward through the boat. Oh yeah. Like a wave. Yeah. And then as if the distress of the crew overpowers whatever baffling effect the pillar is creating you start to hear people scream.

You hear Kingsley's voice booming over the deck. All hands abandon ship. I react very quickly. I grab Ving and I bury the axe into the mast that's like next to us. Okay. I'm going to bury the crystal claws into the deck. Oh you're going to make crystal claws? Oh yeah. That's going to be a shape shift and that's going to be a defy danger strength. So we're anchoring ourselves. Yeah. To the ship that's about to crash. Just to not get thrown. Yeah totally. Because it's like it's so close right?

It's like Kingsley's not going to be able to steer. Iceberg right ahead. Yeah exactly. Whoa. One one one. Defy danger what? Defy danger strength. I got nine. I got four. Shit. So yeah. Super fail. And this is a really bad failure. I think the two things that occur to you in this next moment are one where is Perel and two we're fucking dead. Everything lurches forward. It's just inexorably pushed into this pillar smashed to absolute flinders before your eyes and then you plunge into the water.

You hit the water. You go under like deep. You can feel huge pieces of the ship passing you as they sink and you're you start drowning basically like you're running out of breath. Is it that thing like in the Titanic where the suction from the ship sinking is like pulling us under totally. Yeah. Huge pieces are passing you and pulling you down further in their wake. So you need to do something but you're starting to lose breath and your vision starting to go dark.

Can I try to swim to the surface? Yeah, totally. Okay, roll it. What is it strength? No constitution because you're trying to like like stay conscious long enough. Oh, yeah. So I can keep swimming up. Yeah. Yeah, I think all three of you need to roll defy danger constitution to like stay conscious. Yeah, totally. Twelve twelve. Okay. Eleven. Oh, nice. Yeah, I got four. Shit man. Again. Yeah. I mean, I'm tied to talk. So yeah, Billy's gonna surface with tuck. Okay, tuck.

You're pumping your legs so hard trying to surface holding on to Billy with all your might holding on to thing with your other hand. You feel pieces of the ship passing you as they sink. You feel what you think might be people passing you clawing at your clothes as they as they're pulled under shit. Yeah, it's pretty it's not good. Yeah, it's really rough. Yeah. Are they gonna be okay? Hey, Steve Graves man, who knows? They could be going to some sort of paradise down there. So dark and cold.

Yeah, the cold of this water is crushing you. You can feel it sapping your strength as you're trying to surface thing. You're gripping tucks hand hard as he swims kicks up to the surface and as his legs are pumping pushing him upwards through the sea a huge piece of the ship drops down right next to you and you feel your grip loosened and then broken as the crystals come off and tucks hand and you're dragged deep deep into the water. Okay, tuck after what feels like an impossible amount of time.

You finally break the surface of the water to absolute chaos. You hear people screaming. You see chunks of boat floating past. It looks like a barrel of oil has broken and ignited on the surface of the water. So there's flames licking at you. Huge waves are cresting over your head and slamming into you. Things go absolutely silent. All you hear is a ringing in your ears. It feels like the waves are like throwing big pieces of the ship at us like intentionally.

There's a maliciousness to this storm. Like I even though I'm above the water now. I still feel like I'm drowning. Yeah, you've swallowed so much seawater at this point and Billy you're like attached to tuck. So it's like every time he's trying to struggle you're being pushed above. And under the water over and over.

Yeah tuck is like trying to like make sure Billy's above the water while trying to tread water and it's like he's alternating and he knows that Billy is like dunking underneath too much and as you are trying to keep Billy above the surface of the water you haul thing up to beside you and you realize that you're just holding a crystal in your hand things gone. Oh my God big big I call I try and like like call for him. Yeah, you're you don't see him or hear him over the chaos thing.

You see the light of the storm being dragged away from you as you're pulled deeper and deeper into the sea of graves. What do you do? Maybe there's a move to command the Thunderbird like a diving bird diving duck just like maybe you do have that. I have the tiger thing so you can see through the eyes of the Thunderbird. Yeah, is there a way I can call him from under the water? I mean, well, okay, we you've called the Thunderbird before so there is a precedent for you having contacted it.

So I think that you should be allowed to at least try. Yeah. So I think we defy danger wisdom to make that connection. Yeah, that's what he uses for his connection. So 2d6 plus wisdom. Okay, sink it down almost out of breath. Eight okay, so Ving is falling deeper and deeper into the water as chunks of the ship fall around him. You see like a mast a shattered crate a bag of coins with coins trailing behind it bodies of sailors sink down around you above you the light of the storm.

It seems impossibly far away like you'll never make it back up there. You see just above the surface of the water lightning crashing alternating with gouts of flame that almost make it look like the torch has like entered into battle with the storm itself.

And it's this that the Thunderbird sees through your eyes and it finds the point in the ocean that you're at by watching the flames and the lightning it watches for the patterns and finds the pattern that you're seeing and flaps up and up into the storm before tucking its wings in and just diving straight into the surface of the water.

And you see this huge form firing towards you like an arrow and it's it starts flapping its wings at a certain point because it's going deeper than it really should have any ability to can I swim? Yeah, you can definitely try strength back up 12. Oh perfect. So from your failure, you're still unfortunately going to take this consequence as the bird swims towards you and extends its talons and punches them into either side of your shoulders to grab you.

You feel it sever a tendon inside your arm and you're going to take a debility to strength. So your strength is going to be at minus one for a while until you can find a way to heal it. I smell fucked. And then you feel the strength of its wings as it beats against the water and pulls you back over the surface from the silent danger of the depths of the ocean to the cacophonous danger of the middle of the storm. Yeah, it's immediately like yeah, goes from no sound to every possible sound.

Yeah, we see this fucking bird just rip out of the water. Yeah, with Ving in its talons. Yeah, what are you trickling down? Yeah, fuck. Yeah, it's not good. Pretty limp. What a tuck and Billy do. Should we look around to see if we can see Perel? Yeah, you could call him that you've called him before. Yeah, I guess I just closed my eyes like in my head. I'm calling for him, but I'm sending it out with the waves and every time a wave beats on us, I send out another another call for him.

I'm very panicked. I'm worried about him. I have a little purple twinge in the crest of the way. Yeah, seven seven. Okay, so you you send out these waves of perception with the water and you don't feel anything for a while until you feel one bounce back like a wave return to you with that perception and what it tells you is that Perel is alive, but he is very very far away fuck and that perception is also telling you that you can feel.

Other parts of the crew impossibly far they're far and I and there's some that I don't feel anymore. Yeah, like everyone's being spread out and taken away. The ocean is like pulling them away. Yeah, fuck. Oh God. So Perel is alive. You know that much but he is not within reach. How close are we to the purifier? You actually don't see the purifier anywhere near you right now. So we need to find something to hold on to realities. Yeah, I want to discern reality.

Try and find the purifier because it's the only thing that's intact in this fucking storm. Yeah, so tense. Seven eight. Okay, so you get one question. I guess what here is useful or valuable to me. Unfortunately, it is not the purifier. Fuck what it is is a big old chunk of mast like close enough that you can swim to it fairly easily and it'll be buoyant enough to hold you up. Okay. Yeah, we get on that mast.

Yeah, so you're just now hanging on to this piece of wood bobbing in this magical storm and thing you are being you are hung from the talons of a giant bird. Do I have enough strength in my arm to harpoon to the mast? Yeah, you absolutely can the debility means that you're like your arm is fucked but not so much that you can't use it just that you'll be able to use it worse. This will just be a defy danger harpoon to the mast anchor to my friends. Oh seven.

So as you throw your harpoon you feel your arm like twinge. And you're like, oh, that's not how it's supposed to be at all. But your harpoon sails out through the winds stabbing into the wood of the mast. Then yeah, you've anchored yourself to this mast that you see tuck and Billy attached to. What do you do? I thought the bird could maybe tow the mast. So where are you towing it to? What's the nearest thing? What do we should do? That's a discern realities 2d6 plus wisdom for discern realities.

Eight. Okay, great. So you get one question. What here is useful for us? Hmm. You don't see the purifier. You see chunks of the West wind floating around you, but you think in the distance as the lightning flashes through the wall of the storm just far enough away that you're not a hundred percent sure you it looks like you see the silhouette of a small single mast at sailboat. All right, let's get there. Yeah, try to defy danger dexterity to pilot the bird. I guess cool. Yeah, right failures.

Oof. Yeah. Nice nine nine. Great. Um, any eights? Oh, yeah. Should I swim? Should I try and kick? Yeah, we can swim. Yeah, I kick your legs. I think tuck would just like use the mass like a little flutterboard. Yeah, kicking his legs kick towards the direction. Yeah, big pull. That's great. Plus strength. Yeah, Ted. Great. So yeah, plus one strong calf makes it a 10. You spur the bird. Forward and it is pulling against the weight of the mast like straining. Yeah, straight hard.

Yeah, it's poor boy. Yeah, this would be so painful for being man. What a strug. That's a struggle. And that's why you've got a minus one to strength for the foreseeable future because this damage is like you can feel the talent digging deeper and deeper into your meat, man, but he's trying to save his friends. Yeah, and the Thunderbirds flapping its wings erratically trying to stay like a right in this. Storm as the winds buffet it back and forth.

It starts straining against the rope dragging the mast through the turbulent water as tuck and Billy cling to it desperately and it flies in the direction of the ship that it sees through the lightning strikes in the clouds. And as you all approach this figure in the distance of being you're focusing on not being ripped into probably but tuck you see with his hand on the tiller of the boat is the captain of the purifier and as the bird flies through this terrible storm.

You can hear the sound of wind chimes and the water around you starts to slow. It doesn't quiet. It actually physically slows. The waves are moving slower closer to the boat and the clouds around the boat are swirling. In a slower more gentle fashion and it seems like even the lightning is slowing as you get closer to the boat. You even see an arc of lightning come down from the clouds and pass very closely to the ship before turning away gently and pouring itself into the ocean.

Then you hear the sound of wind chimes through your tightly scrunched eyes as you're trying to hold back this pain.! I hear them through my eyes? Yeah. What do your elf eyes hear? You hear through their eyes? I'm glad we're talking about it now because absolutely. Ving, you feel yourself being carried through the air in the talons of the Thunderbird and blacking out from the pain. Your eyes are just drooping closed. You're so exhausted. Every time I droop closed, I'd see through.

Yeah, see through the eyes of the Thunderbird. So you're catching glimpses of this small skiff with the bearded man at the tiller and you hear a voice over the muffled cacophony of the storm say, why don't you just drop him right here? And you feel yourself be placed in the hull of the skiff on a bench and you see through the eyes of the Thunderbird as it flaps above you trying to find a place to perch on the side of the boat. It doesn't want to leave you, but it's obviously exhausted.

I want to tell it to go. And to rest. Recharge. And gather itself and I'll be okay. He has a sense that he'll be okay. He's been dropped here by the Thunderbird. Also, you notice on the Thunderbird's shoulder at the front of the wings, there's three red circles, like dots in the feathering. Whoa. Where it mirrors your injuries? Yeah. Oh. And you can feel the bird through. It senses hesitating to leave you, but you hear the voice of the captain say, I got him. It's okay.

And then the bird finally flaps off up into the sky. Thank you. Passing through this calm as a lightning crack just signals that it's back in the worst of the storm. It flies up and away. And he tries to see. He can't. He's too exhausted. Yeah, your eyes won't open and it feels like your arm is going to come off. You're just absolutely fucked. This one's fine. This one not so much. You have to point at the one that's not good. He goes to point, but it was with a stump. Oh, yeah.

And your hand is snapped off. So you're missing a hand and you're where I had a hand and Ving. You're sitting on this bench and right in front of you is the captain of the purifier. He's got no shirt on. He's got worn brown breaches, very simple leather boots, crazy angled beard with brass rings and seashells and other bits of material that you can't identify. And he's smoking a long pipe. He says, you should probably help get your friends in here. And tuck in Billy.

You are swimming swimming up to this skiff and you pass into this calm area around it. The water warms around you. The sound of the storm quiets and the the anger and viciousness of the storm seems to be set aside in this area around the boat. And we I kind of like I let go of the law because it's moving so slow now and I just start swimming with Billy on my back. Yeah, Billy was is Billy on the back because he wasn't a Bjorn on the front. Yeah, but the ropes got really loose. Okay. Yeah.

So I'm holding on to the back. Yeah, basically between his shoulders. Yeah, I got his beard in the hands and he's like I'm writing like a drag. And one hand on you saying a bunch of like weird like weird dragon specific terms like I'm holding on to your your dragon beard. Never mind. They're very dragon. Hold on. Hold on. What are dragon beards called? Yeah, dragon beard work. Yeah, feeling of the scales between my toes. Yeah.

Okay, I'm like I'm starting to play along like bark bark dragons bark in this world. Yeah, as you're making this bark bark sound tuck you hear you hear a gruff voice from the ship or the boat in front of you say that's not what dragon sound like and I like I swim up to the side of the boat and I like because I am so tired. I toss Billy up. I catch him. I catch Billy. Oh, Bing. Oh, you're okay. Oh, Billy. How are you? I feel really sick.

Seawater just pours out of Billy's mouth every time he coughs. Yeah. Oh, buddy. You just netty pod in the boat there. Yeah, I'm sorry. It's okay. It's okay. Billy, you just are okay. You're basically collapsing against Bing. It feels like you've just been wrung out like a sponge. Yeah. I'm pulled tuck in with best I can help him up. Yeah, you're struggling. You try and reach out to tuck with your one good. Well, you don't even have a good hand.

No, you're missing a hand and then your arm is fucked up, but he'll do it. But the captain pushes past you and reaches into the water, puts a hand under tuck shoulder and just lifts him into the boat. Wow. Whoa. Yeah. Bodily just with one hand. Whoop. Wow. Like a sack of rice and he just like tosses me to the deck. Yeah. Well, he doesn't like he doesn't throw you. He tries to place you and I like I'm lying there and I like I look up at him and I'm like, why did you save us?

Because this is the captain of the purifier, right? Yes. Yeah, it's the same rune tattooed tangled beard tan skin wrinkled face and he sits down at the bench puts his hand over the tiller and says you three seem like you're worth saving. What's your name? That's a good question. Most I've met now call me chimes. What happened to the fire guy? Oh, I I reckon he's still looking for who for us for the three you for one for your bald friend for the other speaking of bald friend. Have you seen him?

He puts his pipe back in his mouth and he leans over the side of the boat and kind of drags his hand lazily through the water and he pulls it back up and shakes off the water and goes, well, he's a ways away now. How far you know how far a league is? Yeah, no, it's far. Oh, no, and he's many leads away from here. Can we get to him through this storm? Not likely. What do you mean? You can't get us to him. Just fucking sail us to our friend man.

We can't leave without him where he is and how we get there are very different things in the sea of graves. This isn't a point A to point B kind of operation son. He looks off into the storm and his beard chimes a little bit says sea of graves is a mean some bitch. We got a couple rounds see one some I want some but I know how this dance goes. I'll get you there and by there I mean close and that's the best I can do. Thank you. Well, we got a bit of a ride ahead of us.

So why don't you all tell me a bit about yourselves? Well, okay, no fuck that like dude, you're sailing a boat through the sea of graves. You tell us about you. How are you doing this? He points like it on the inside of the hole and the whole boat that you're in is absolutely encrusted in runes like hand carved weather.

They look like they've been carved into this boat for a hundred years and they're covering the inside the benches the mast the outside does this ruin me being points to when it's like a circle and a stick going into it that one's for getting into things that don't want you to get into them. What about this one? That one is if if ever my boat is upside down. Oh, that one that one's if my boats ever right side up with that one that one's if it's ever sideways.

Wow, whether that one that one's when it's not one that one's about to now hold on hold on. Sorry you any squints at Billy and he goes, where do you where you come? Where do you come from? I come from the Everwood Valley from specifically a barn old bills barn. Do you know him? Yeah, do you do you know him? He's pretty old there. Yeah, there was old old bill owned it first and then Billiam the second and then Bill Bilson then will William and then William Junior. I can't remember.

I could keep going I guess but wait, so did you say old bill? That was the first one you said bill old bill. That was that was a will Apple Thief's kid. Yeah. Yeah, I never met will Apple Thief but old bill was really nice. He was he was a good. He's a good one. He was a good guy shit at stealing apples. Yeah, but really nice to me real sweet guy.

Wait a sec and he like Everwood Valley you say yes and he leans in to Billy and he he licks his thumb and he rubs something off Billy's cheek and he just kind of points at you quickly and passes leg and goes your Faye. What? How did you know what's under here? I haven't washed my face in a really long time and I put I push over like don't lick my kid your kid. Yeah, I mean mostly. Yeah, he's kind of my kid our kid is our kid. Yeah, these are my dad's basically. Yeah, sweet. We don't fuck though.

Whoa. Hey, I want to Spout Lore on the boat to see if I know anything about it. Let's do it. Okay. Eight. Okay, so that means that you get something useful, but not interesting. No interesting, but not useful. No, you can do it the other way around. Don't try and scam me at my own game. So what you're just trying to learn about the ruins or the boat? Yeah, I'm looking at the ruins, but not the ruins on the boat. I'm looking at the ruins that are tattooed on him.

Oh, yeah, and I'm seeing if I can read them like read anything that is like familiar from them. Hmm. What could tuck possibly know about this? He's looked at a lot of album covers. Um, I guess he just tells you like he's like, I don't know. Ain't no sense hiding things. We're all friends now. Runes on the boat are same as runes on my skin. They let me do things and survive things and comprehend things that most people can't don't and will not. Does that make any sense? Like what?

Like like reading? Yeah, sometimes like moving in and out of the spirit world, like moving in and out of the spirit world. I've done that a time or two. How many times or two? More than two. More than two. Wow. More than two for sure. Oh, yeah, we have tattoos. Oh, yeah. I can't see my so much dirt. So I lick it. Oh, there it is. Yeah, and he grabs Billy's hand. And looks at the tattoo and goes spirit world, huh? How do you know? I got one of those two.

And he shows you the inside of one of his elbows and he's got a very simple tattoo. That's this one. All the other tattoos look like complicated runes, but the one on the inside of his elbow is just a circle. What does that one mean? Well, you know what these tattoos mean. Mine is like a tree. Yeah, what's it mean? Well, I don't know the lady that did it just like she went into a trance, a sexy trance. Yeah. Remember, guys? Yeah, her cloak slipped a bunch.

And there's a brooch, I think, that was involved. Yeah, then we went into the spirit world. He says, oh, you should know if you've been there, souls are anchored by the things they've lost. All right. Bruce Bruce. Yep. All right. It's the Widdershins. Would it be possible for me to roll for the blood god? I want to commune with the axe. Terry Larry and Chad to try and see if there's any insights I can get on like who and what he is. So that is what? 2d6 plus constitution? Wisdom. Wisdom.

My wisdom is one. Great. Eight. What happens on the night? On a seven to nine, the sacrifice is not enough and your gods take of your flesh as well, but still grant some insider boon. Okay, so roll a d10. Three. Three.

Okay, so I think it's I think it's something like you cut yourself with the axe and you're holding this like insane looking axe and he goes, oh, and he reaches down and grabs the axe and just holds it in front of him, like takes it right out of your hand and is looking at it like, what'd you do to these guys? Like we want he they were our friends, so we wanted to bring them back from the spirit world.

You guys all right in there and you hear Larry Terry and Chad go, yeah, man, it's good to see you again. Again. Yeah, man. You know, you've heard stories, right? This guy dudes. No, you know him and he's like, yeah, you know, the ghost pirate. You're the ghost pirate from the spirit world. I've got a lot of names. Ghost pirate kind of makes it sound like a plunder ghosts, though. That's not strictly true. Is he treating you well? Oh, yeah, man. We get to smash it all the time. All right.

Well, that's good to hear and he throws the axe back to you. He sits back down at the tiller. Billy, he sits next to you and says, you want to help me steer? Yeah, I'm trying. I was trying to find Perel because I had my hand in the water. Oh, yeah. For him. Because yeah, he's gonna that's gonna be that's gonna take some doing. We'll find him and he rustles your hair a little bit. Don't touch me. Okay, noted and he takes the tiller.

And he steers a little bit more through these very slow choppy almost geometric waves and you see in front of you a pillar rise out of the mist. We're gonna hit that thing. No, we're not gonna hit there. We're gonna dock there and you see at the base of the pillar a small ramshackle dock form out of the mist at the base and at the top of it you see a door. What? Whoa. And that's where we're gonna end it for this week. My name is Sean O'Hara. I've been your game master.

Joining me as always playing the Tacoma Dome, the Barbarian Abdul Aziz. So long. Playing Ving the Half-Elf Druid, Paul Oppers. We're going in that door. And playing Fat Billy the Halfling Thief, Jessica Tai. Good night. Thanks to Aaron Reed for our amazing intro and outro music. Thanks to Adam Coble and Sage LaTorah for Dungeon World. And thanks to all of you for listening.

You can find us at Spout Lore most places on the internet, including patreon.com slash Spout Lore where we are continuing a game of Blades in the Dark slash World of Blades featuring the Cool Tree Kids. And you can check that out if you feel like it. Thanks a lot for listening, everybody. Good night.

And so ends the tale of Adventures 3 who tried the best they can though dumb and scared and lost they be for time's abreast in revelry and though our journey may be long a conclusion we will not leave you without a resolution return next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores and for you I'd gladly Spout Lore

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape, and wields a spear with great might Peely's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends, and listen close For the tale's about to start Welcome to Spellord!

Hello everybody! Everyone was doing jerk off moments Jessica was doing one that was so lewd I know, I'm sorry I've never done it in real life but Feels good don't it? It kinda does Blah, and then in the butthole too Oh my god That's the Spellord guarantee Forgive me! I am disgusting! I am mentally unstable!

That's what you can expect from your friends at Spellord Is descriptions, not visual representation of lewd hand gestures I thought you just meant reach arounds I'm your game master Shawn O'Hara, joining me as always doing a jerk off motion Abdul Aziz Hey what's up playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian Paul Opbers Hey! Doing a jerk off motion How's it going? On Abdul's face playing Ving the Half Elf Druid And Jessica Tai doing a bunch of stuff Just a bunch of stuff! Jesus Christ. Hello, everyone.

We've been trying… Oh, jeez. We have to re-record this. We can't use this. Sorry, do it again. No, this is the Spell Learner Nights intro, so welcome Patreon supporters. It's like eating a baked eggplant. Look, we're in quarantine right now, and I am going nuts. Stop doing it. Sorry. She can't. She's not going to. You're doing that at us. Jessica. No. Squirter with a spray bottle. Cut it out. What are you doing with that lime broomstick? No, no. Yes, yes, no. You can't tell me what to do.

No, no. Yes, yes. Oh, fuck. Okay. Oh, God, please don't abandon us. Fans, yeah. When last we left our heroes, they had survived at least partially the Sea of Graves. After being on the West Wind, their Crystal Bay pirate vessel, the ship was thrown bodily into a rune-covered pillar and destroyed as the three of you fought for your lives to survive beneath and above the waters. Tuck and Billy were able to surface, grabbing onto a mast.

Ving was dragged under the water before being saved by his Thunderbird, diving into the water like a turn. So the bird grabs Ving in its talons, severing something in his arm, but dragging him to the surface. Had to be done. And then the group spotted a silhouette of a single-masted skiff in the distance.

Ving harpooned the piece of debris that Tuck and Billy were clinging to, dragging it towards the ship, finding it to be piloted by the Captain of the Purifier, who has revealed himself to be a man named Chimes, who is piloting his ship in a supernatural area of calm through the Sea of Graves and has allowed you respite in his boat. And he sailed you towards a pillar in the Sea of Graves, at the base of which you saw a hand-bade dock and a door set into the stone.

And that is where we find ourselves now. So we're sailing up to this door? Yeah, you're sailing up to this pillar towards the dock and the water around you continues to be supernaturally calm. You can see the water of the Sea of Graves washing over the dock in the distance in the more turbulent area of the sea. Mm-hmm. But as you get closer, as the boat gets closer, the sea calms and slows, making it easier for Chimes to pull the boat up to the side of the dock. Cool.

So Chimes pilots the boat up to the side of this dock and looks over at the three of you, who are just laying in the bottom of the boat, absolutely spent. Struggling to stay conscious. Yeah. And he goes, hey, look at this. What? And he grabs a loop of rope that's coiled up at the bottom of the boat with a little loop at the end of it and just throws it towards the dock. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

And loops it right around a little post that's sticking out of the dock and goes, huh? What an uncle move that was. I've had to do that a lot. I'm pretty good at it. We don't care. We're fucking tired. Yeah. Like, in our minds, we're like, cool. But, like, also, I am so dead. We're very nice. Yeah. We give a very tepid applause. We're like, Ving just can't. Yeah, Ving is just slapping the top of a crystal stone. Rub it in, Tuck. And Chimes kind of waves you away like, you'll appreciate it later.

And he pulls the boat up to the side of the dock, ties everything off, hops out and helps all three of you out of the boat. Just rip. Gets you up on your feet. Yeah, we get out. Do you have the fanny pack? Yeah, I check. Okay. I tighten it again just to make sure. All right, loosen that a little bit. Well, I haven't eaten in a while, so I have some room. Getting a bit loose. One sec, you guys. I unzip it. You guys okay in there? Mears is like, Yeah, what is happening?

We're just in the Sea of Graves right now. What? Yeah. I think we're taking a break. Looks like we've landed at one of the… Pillars. What? How's Francis? Francis is not having a fun time. I zip it up. They're fine. What is happening in there right now? There's so much water in there. Yeah, we cut to Mears and he's like waist deep in seawater. He's bailing it? Yes, into the other room. Yeah. He's got the danger room flap open a tiny bit and he's just throwing buckets of water into it.

You could see like a claw like snapping at the bucket. Every time it gets close. He's like, ah, shush. Man, Mears is being so brave. And Francis is like standing on the couch trying not to get in the seawater. Trying not to touch the water. Yeah, but he is. Just oinking and baying. Yeah, he absolutely is. And Mears is like, shh, this could be so much worse. You can help. You could just get it down here and help me somehow. Hey, you stupid pig. I'm sorry. I didn't mean that.

And Chimes walks you down to the dock to the door at the base of this pillar. And you see all of three of you for the first time in your natural lives. Like you appreciate the scale of these pillars because on either side, it stretches out like a hundred feet before it arcs around. And it just reaches up and up into the infinite storm. Yeah, it's just like I, when I look up, to try and see the top, like I, you know that thing where you like get dizzy and fall back.

When you look up, it almost looks like all the pillars that are like adjacent to it and behind you and are all like converging on the same point. Oh, confusing. It's like an MC Escher drawing. Yeah. It's a lot of different directions happening. Yeah. When you lie in the middle of a forest, all the trees point together. Yeah, totally. And now that you're up close to this door, you realize that it looks kind of shitty.

It's just kind of like an old wooden door with a simple metal lock built into it. And you see a wooden sign hanging above the door and it says hither and yawn. And chimes reaches into his beard and it's like, sorry, just a sec. And he's really jingling around and he pulls out one that has like a little dried crab on it. And he's like, no, not that. How long have you had that crab in there? There's a shampoo for that. Gross.

And he flips out another one that has like a small glass vial filled with like a golden powder in it. He goes, no, not that. What's in that powder? None of your business. Oh my God. It's okay, Bing. We'll find you one. Bing is salivating about the stuff that's in his beard. And then he, do you not have pockets? He kind of gestures to his shirtless form. Like, do you see pockets? They don't call me pockets. Yeah. And he flips out another braid and on the end of it, it has a small iron key on it.

And he goes, oh, there we go. And he unties it and he fits it into the lock and unlocks it and pushes the door open. Billy looks his head in right away. It's a very old and stately pub. Pub? Yeah. What? It's made of like rich, dark woods. There's very well-crafted, heavy tables. There's a long wooden bar at the back. So people? There's no people and there's a layer of dust on everything. Can I Spout Lore? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think you could Spout Lore. Yeah, totally. Yeah.

To figure out what this fucking thing is. What the fuck is this? Plus intelligence. Seven. Okay, thank God. So something interesting, but not useful. Billy, being as long-lived, he is, has heard stories from travelers that pass through the Halfling Lands of a bar called Hither and Yon and you have heard a lot of people say that it is a bar that is in a different town. Like everyone that has talked about it has said that it's somewhere else. Oh man, I remember old Bill told me about this place.

And he looks down at you, Billy, and goes, oh yeah, old Bill and I drank here a couple times. Oh, it's like a bar of requirement. Weird. Yeah. Tuck listened to an album once called Hither and Yon that was written and recorded entirely in this bar. Oh. It was one of those like micro sessions. Yeah, it's like a live session album. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a folk duo. It was a folk duo. Named Hither and Yon. And they named themselves after the bar. Yeah.

He always thought it was just like a metaphor. Yeah. Yeah, it turns out. Real place. I turned to Vang before we walk in and I'm like, hey man, I'm not sure if we're dead, but if we are, then, you know. Yeah. We might be dead. Okay. I guess that's what I say. I turned to Vang and I'm like, hey, this might be hell. And then I walk inside. And if it's hell, it's a very boring, but pretty hell. Hell has a two drink minimum. Everybody knows that though. It's, yeah, it's a pretty nice pub.

Like there's rows of liquor bottles, behind the bar. There's a nice mirror. There's a ship's wheel hanging on the wall behind the bar. And Chimes walks behind this long wooden bar, starts pulling down liquor bottles, starts pulling things out of an ice chest, and is just like, looks at all of you like, you hungry? There's a food? In the chest? I can make something. Somebody always leaves something behind. Can I invite my friends? Who? Who? What do you mean? Unzip. Unzip.

And he looks at Billy and, he looks at Tuck and Ving. Like he looks up at Tuck and Ving like, is this a thing? Is this okay? It's cool. Let him, let him play it out. The listeners have to know, it's, Jessica's doing a motion that's like, a parent just said, do not put your hand in the cookie jar. And then a kid is like, slowly making eye contact. And then Richard, do not grab a cookie. And then I jump out the fanny pack. So you flip it out? Yeah. Yeah.

And all of a sudden, all this water comes out and Mears and Francis comes tumbling out. And a bunch, yeah, a bunch of seawater pours out. Oh, sorry about the carpet. Like ankle deep on most of you, like waist deep on Billy as it rushes out the door. It's carpeted. Oh, we fucked up this place so fast. Mears flies out of it with a bunch of seaweed and stuff and like slams in the bar like, oh no. And Francis like tumbles out like, chimes, what just washes us? All happen.

And then puts a bottle on the bar like, okay, for five. All right. And Mears gets up and is looking around, wringing water out of his clothes. His metal hand is like, creaking really loud. Oh no. What? What? What? And he turns around and he sees chimes and he goes, ah, and he starts trying to pull his sword out of his scab. Just an oar in there. His oar comes up. Mears, no. He's fine. He helped us. I'm just, I just let you out so you could dry out and have a drink and some food with us.

He looks at the three, at all of you like, for real? Mears, you're fine. Okay. We're safe here. We are in the middle of the ocean, but this is a safe place. And he looks around at the three of you and it chimes and it Francis as he's trying to extricate himself from a smash table. He's seeing for the first time that we are, like, Ving is bleeding. Uh-huh. And he goes, where's Perel? We lost him. But we're gonna find him. He says he can help, sort of. Yeah, this is Chimes.

He's the captain of the Purifier. He said he would help us find Perel. Former captain of the Purifier. Yeah. He resigned for some reason. It was contract work. And Mears takes it all in and then puts his oar on the ground and says, is there a kitchen in this place? And Chimes nods his head to the back through a doorway behind the bar and Mears just walks into the back. Billy follows him. Oh. The vase is still in the fanny pack. Yeah. Yeah. The vase would have probably tumbled out with…

No, it didn't because they… Okay. It was stashed in the drawer. Oh, wait. It's in the drawer. You just did. I told him to secure it. Put it in the drawer. You did. Right. Yeah. There was that thing where we were like, for over the course of months, you're stealing all the pieces of fat. You fucking ruined our couches, though. Like a puppy. Yeah. I was stealing towels, too, from the hotel. It was Crystal Bay. Yeah. What's left has been crushed by Francis.

That's why when Mears checked out during that montage, like, the thing that we didn't see was they charged him like 60 gold coin for incidental. Oh, my God. Damn it. Gonna have to erase those coins. Yeah. Uh, to tuck in, Bing, want to talk to Chimes about that? Yeah. We sit at the bar and, like, I grabbed the whole bottle that he pulled out and I started drinking it. Okay. Uh, and I'm like, Bing needs some, too. Yeah. And he pours some on his shoulder. What kind of alcohol do we think it is?

Screech. Just really strong, like, maritime alcohol. It tastes oddly fruity, though. Yeah, that's the, that'll be the bergam fruits. I wouldn't drink too much of that. I have already gone three quarters of the way through. It tastes like meat. Yeah. It's not satisfying. What? He said it tastes like fruit. Bergam fruit. Bergam fruit. Yeah, it tastes like, uh, ketchup and meat and pickles. Uh, you know what? Honestly, like, welcome. Right now, I'm so tired. Thank you so much. Yeah.

Uh, and he says, so we can rest here for a while. We gotta keep the place sort of in the condition that we found it. Them's the rules. And then we can try and figure out how to get closer to your friends. Do you have any idea where he might be going? No, I mean, wherever the ocean's taking him. What do you mean? Well, the way the Sea of Graves is, if we go to where he is now, we might end up somewhere he is not. You've seen the sea.

When you went under, you were in one place and when you came up, you were in another. Sea of Graves is playing a game of chess with everyone that sails its waters. What does it want from Peral? It doesn't want anything from anyone. It just wants to cause pain. Where, where have people gone before when they've gone into the Sea of Graves? Ving asked that question while he's putting a little bit of that gunpowder into the hole. Oh, yeah. He lights it with a flint.

Could you guys Spout Lore about the ocean? Yeah, I think I kind of want you guys to answer some of these questions. Spout Lore about the Sea of Graves? Okie dokie. Yeah. 2d6 plus intelligence. Uh-oh. Whoa. Holy shit. Let me tell you a few things about the Sea of Graves. Yeah, please do. I'll tell you 11 things about the Sea of Graves. So that means that it's wet, it's cold, it's angry, it's mean. It's going to be something interesting and useful. Yeah, let's, I want to talk to you guys about it.

Like, I don't have any super firm plans about the Sea of Graves. It's such a mysterious place. So what does Ving think and know about the Sea of Graves with that 11? And it's going to be, it's like, like this, it'll be true. Well, maybe it's got something to do with the fact that like, Perel is a wizard. Yeah, that's what I was thinking too. Yeah, water is very magical. And Perel like, generates a magic field. There could be some sort of draw happening to one of the pillars.

Maybe there's pillars that are more magical than the other. We've talked about the ones that, where the, the king of the Thunderbird live. Like, yeah, maybe there's some kind of nexus point where if Perel is like, an iron filing that is like, sensitive to like, magnetic fields, maybe he's being pulled and oriented to… Other filings. Yeah, to other filings and also to the field that the Sea of Graves is generating. To the main magnet. Yeah.

So how does, well, how does Ving know that, I think, is the, is what I want to know. I think that some of it is coming through from the bird. Oh, yeah. His connection. Sick. And some of that field is electromagnetic field that he knows he's more attuned with. And so maybe, yeah, he says there, there is a way point that things seem to grow. Yeah. And then he says that there is a way that things gravitate to where the rumor is the king of the Thunderbirds than the pillar that he occupies.

So, I mean, maybe he's being drawn there. Maybe his magical energy is bringing him to that very magical place. Yeah. Okay. That makes a lot of sense. It does. And that like, the Thunderbirds choose to live in the Sea of Graves because they're drawn there naturally. Yeah. Yeah. Like there's a main, pillar that's like, it pulls the energy from the ocean and the sky and it meets and then it just like, explodes out of it. Oh, yeah. It creates that like, convergence. Yeah.

Like a cloud, like a cumulus nimbus. Totally. Oh. Spreads it out. It's the eye of the storm. Like it's the source of the storm. The eye of the storm. And all the magical boats that have crashed and everything in the sea are all brought into that pillar and the king of the Thunderbirds has a nest built out of smashed ships. Yeah. Whoa! You guys just accidentally stumbled upon a thing I've been thinking about for like two years. Yes. It's nests made of smashed ships that the Thunderbirds live in.

Yeah. Awesome. Vindication. The- Goosebumps will never leave your mind. Like if you see it from far away, it looks like a bunch of bones like, like a jaggedy thing sticking out. Yeah. It's because they're like, they're like, they're like, the sea is like, push them all up and around this pillar. It's coming. And that pillar's called the Eye of the Storm. Yes. Yeah. And the I mean the capital letter I. Yeah. A pillar. It works. Yeah. As long as you're using courier or aerial font. Thank you.

Otherwise, you have the little hashes on the top of the book. It does not work with Comic Sans. Or other alphabets. Yeah. Wow. That's an adventure. Mm-hmm. Traveling through the Sea of Graves to the roost of the King of the Thunderbirds to save a wizard. To the Eye of the Storm. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Wow. I'm jacked. Real jacked on the adventure that you've all presented to me. So that is the information that's shared. Yeah. That's the conversation that's had. Chimes passes back and forth.

Oh, well, he's magic and the sea's magic. So maybe that does something. Goes, oh yeah, I've heard stories about, you know, I've seen some things out here. Ships getting drawn in, blah, blah, blah. The Thunderbirds, King of the Thunderbirds, Eye of the Storm, blah, blah, blah. It could be cool if Chimes does a little demo where he like, he pulls one of the like, Oh yeah. Brass beads and he's like, let me show you something.

And he like, he takes it and he like, puts it on, like on an edge and then like, he lets it go and it just starts rolling down the bar. Yeah. And he's like, that is where your friend is. Cool. That's pretty cool. Wow. And that explains partially how Chimes' beard works. Oh yeah. Like it's being pulled by the pillars in the Sea of Graves and he's so old hand at sailing these waters that it helps him know where he is and how to get there.

Like yeah, feeling the waves of like, magical energy brush through the Chimes and his beard. Cat's whisk. Yeah. An old crab for some reason. Whatever kind of shitty detritus he can jam in there. Guess well. Sounds like you all have quite an adventure ahead of you. For now, you all need to rest. You've been through it. There's some rooms in the back. You're welcome to stay for as long as you need. Cut to Billy and Mears in the kitchen. Mears is going through ice chests, lighting a little stove.

Uh-huh. I found some coleslaw that I'm just going at. Coleslaw. Billy, do you know how old that is? It tastes fine. The most painful perishable of salads. Yeah. Oh, no. It's a sauerkraut, I guess. It's like rotting as you're making it. It's definitely fermented. Yeah. I think Fing said that's a good thing, though. This is labeled coleslaw, but I think it's sauerkraut. Yeah. It certainly smells like it. How are you doing, Billy? I'm just really tired. Oh, what a mess, you know.

I'm sorry that we brought you through this. Feeling really guilty taking you so far away. From my home? Yeah. And he does think for a moment. It'll be there when I get back. Okay. Jaunter was a weird situation, but I feel like we can trust the Menders to do the right thing. They probably have things under control, right? Yeah. What are you making right now? Uh, what is he making right now? What does he find back there? Salt cod. Salt cod. What do you make with salt cod? Soup. Salt cod.

He finds, yeah, some root vegetables of strange origin, some spices, some surprisingly fresh vegetables. Found some powdered milk back here. Oh, do you want me to put that in the soup? You want to make a chowder? Oh, Billy, chowder. Chowder. And he points at Billy and starts chopping things up and is like, gonna make a chowder. Yeah. Gonna make a chowder. Chow, chow, chow, chow, chowder. I start going through the cupboards and there's like fun big bowls that I play with. That you play with?

Yeah. It make drums? It make drums and then I like sit in one of the bowls and I'm like twirling around like, you know, when you like, you're like putting all your body weight so it like wiggles around, spins around. Like when you flip a stool over, Yeah. In middle school. Yeah. And I'm just telling Mirs about like stupid things that I think about. So, before we left, I had a weird dream. My dream was that I had a big farm of chickens and you were there too. Do you want to hear all their names?

Oh, I do. Okay. So, one of them was ketchup and mustard and wapple bees and wapple tree and there was a rooster named Dan. No one liked him. No one liked him. Oh my God. What happened to Dan? Oh, shit. We cut to Dan floating on a crate. Anybody? But like in a weirdly calm part of the sea, like it's kind of sunny where he is and he's just by himself eating what looks like dried schloss meat out of a little bag. He's like, someone's going to find me. Dan's ability to just fail horizontally. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. It's a little bit of another okay situation. It never goes better or worse. It's always just fine. I like to think of this image of Dan like he's looking out into open water but behind him 500 feet away is land. Yes. Oh, that's so good. He's not even in the Sea of Graves. No. He was pushed out of it. Yeah. He's just looking. He's like a 20 minute swim from Crystal Bay. But he's got a little spyglass pointing out to the ocean like, I am the very model of a modern major general. Yeah.

Enjoying his naval voyage. Meanwhile, there's people on the beach like, is that guy okay? Is that fucking Dan? Yeah. A lifeguard. Yeah. There's a militia like a guard member that's just like, not this fucking guy. I hope he stays out there. And then we cut back. I start spinning again. I wouldn't worry about him. Could I, could I bring out a big bowl of soup for the people at Chimes? Yeah, totally.

We made chowder and I have, I'm carrying a big bowl over my head and then Mears follows out with the actual big pot of it. Yeah. Billy's like, dinner is served. Empty bowl. Little bowl. What Mears did was I wanted to help. Yeah. And so Mears put a little bit of chowder in the bowl and I'm slopping it around as I'm carrying it. And I push it onto the table where it slops a bit more. I'm like, enjoy. Thank you, Billy. You're welcome. So cute. Mears did all the work.

No, it was a team effort, Billy. High five. You're my little sous chef. It's funny because like whenever Mears starts to have a panic attack, Billy's like, hey, let's go cook something. Yeah. It's like when you put a donkey in a horse's stall to chill the horse out. Billy's an emotional support donkey. Yeah. And Chimes sits down and Mears pours him a bowl of chowder. Right. Like a long, long harvest table. Actually, I imagine one of those like circular pub tables. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean?

Like a big, heavy circular pub table. It's an old cabling spool. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Totally. Anchor rope. What's that? It's a big, huge wooden spool with a big, thick anchor ropes would be they come in when you get them on the dock. Is there a bunch of anchor rope around it? No, no, that's spent. It's out and about. Okay. Just finding a use for the old spools. So cool. Yeah. Yeah. All different things carved in there from other sailors. Yeah. From around the world. Yeah.

The table's kind of like a desk in a high school where kids just carve like their names into it and then like a little thing. Yeah. Can we read some of the carvings on the table? I mean, yeah, probably. Is there a specific name that you're looking for? Because I think it would be like you would see a name and Chimes would tell you about a person. Oh, yeah. Like he knows all these people.

I was going to say like when Billy sits at the table, he's like, that's old Bill's writing because I would see it in like his like farm ledgers. Oh, right. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, Chimes, what does it say? Chimes looks down and kind of runs his thumb along the writing that old Bill wrote and it says, it says, it says, old Bill been here. Oh, the stories I could tell. Oh, and Billy scoots close so he can sit right in front of the writing and look at it and touch it.

Oh, did you, you knew old Bill? He was, he, he found me and he took care of me. He found you? Mm-hmm. He raised you? He did. He was really nice to me. A fae raised by halflings. Damn. He's like, do you remember where you came from? Not really. I just remember, I feel like I was asleep for a long time and I woke up and old Bill had put me in a blanket in front of the fire to warm me up.

Now, I don't, no, I don't want you to take this any weird way, but do you remember having a body before that point? I guess not. That's my, that's kind of my first memory. He's like, well, you know, it's just kind of, kind of strange because any fairy I've ever met or talked to is like made their home in an orchard or a cabin or a plow. Ving is on his second bowl of soup. He's on his second bowl of soup and he is like halfway through a bottle of Crown Royal and it's Crown Royal. Yeah.

It's in the purple bag and everything. The bottle is a, is a, is a shape of a crown. You put it and it has a little spout that comes down your mouth like one of those, those beer hats. Yeah. Jim, excuse, madam. Carry on. We're all kind of half cut. Yeah. Okay. I think, I think he might actually try and force a memory out. Okay. You know what I mean? Yeah. So he leans in and he goes, how'd you come to be? And he reaches up a hand and very gently rubs his thumb along your temple. Whoa.

I feel like a shock that goes almost like as if it travels like a million years into my memory and I don't feel like myself.

I just, like I have a memory of being very still and like many things at once and like I feel like the sun on me and I'm alone at the top of a hill and it's the sun of like the first days of spring and the buds, it's, it's, it's, my buds are unfurling in the morning and my arms are outstretched and a family, they climb up the hill and they place a sick, small child in my arms and they're crying and they say things that I can't understand and I'm like, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, but I know that they want my help and then they leave and my leaves grow but the child doesn't and I feel the life slipping from the child and so I know it's time to leave where I've always lived and I, I take the body of the child and I put the child in the tree and I, I, I wake up in a blanket in front of a fireplace and old Bill is wiping the sweat from my face.

Oh my God. We open our eyes because we have the rings on. Oh shit, yeah. You all saw that happen. And we saw all of that. Yeah. Yeah, the child was a red-haired baby and the mother had really long, curly red hair and the father was wrapped in a wool cloak and he took her out. He took her away. Holy fuck. Billy, you're a tree. I guess so. So does that mean he's like a changeling? Yeah. Yeah, basically. Billy's kind of the classic folkloric foundling child where it's, he was replaced by a fairy.

Like a wood spirit. Yeah. But now he's sort of a melding of the child and a fairy. Oh, I love the idea that the, the wood fairy, he couldn't let a life go. Yeah, it was, it was like, I felt it against my nature. But you didn't want to let the kid die. Yeah. Whoa. That's why you saw Perel on that hill. Yeah. Remember when he first made contact with you? Totally. Wow. Yeah. Oh, wow. I didn't even, I, I, I never remembered that.

And Chimes, having looked into your mind as well to like release this memory and he goes, I'd hazard you won't remember it for long. We'll, we'll, we'll do our best, Billy. Yeah. I take the ring and I push it into his hand and I was like, if you hold onto this, we'll make sure you don't forget. Okay. And like, I, I have my ring on. Where's yours? I have my ring on. Yeah. We're like, we'll make sure you don't forget, Billy. Okay.

And Mears is looking back and forth at both of you eating a bowl of soup. His hand is creaking so much. Creak, creak, creak. Do you want some butter for that? He lifts his, he lifts the spoon halfway to his mouth and thinks, I'll be right back. And he goes up and tells us to the kitchen. Wow. So none of you knew? No. No. I mean, when I met Billy, I thought he was a 35 year old man. Understandable. Halflings are strange in that way. There's not a lot that we do know. Damn.

Well, old Bill was a good man. He was a good man. If he raised you, I'd reckon you're a good man too. I am not a man. I'm a baby boy. And he nods and smiles and is like, okay, all right. Do you want to go next? What? The table. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was going to point to this to you. Paul is pointing to a dick that he drew on the back of his character like three months ago. So yeah, Ving points to a cock and balls that's on the table. Who's this?

He's just like tears in his eyes, looks down, sees a cock and then elbows tuck and then like and chimes looks down and goes that was me. Yeah. I'm sorry. Don't look. Sorry. It's so funny. I've been coming here a long time, long time. Oh man, I carved that ages ago. Oh man. I bet you carved this one too. Oh, that, that was, yeah, that was me too. As Ving and I are like looking at the, all the cock and balls is on the table. There's a surprising number.

Once you put one, you're like, oh, yeah, everyone's going to do it. Open invitation. But yeah, we like, we're scanning across and like, actually Ving clocks this before I do because it's, it's an Elvin script. Oh. But it's like, it is basically, he's like, he elbows me. He's like, this fucking says Shathane. This is Shathane Wick. That a friend of yours? Yeah, man. He helped us save Ving from the spirit world. Do you know what's going on with him? Yeah.

I heard what had been going on with him long time ago. What's going on? Well, I'm sure you've heard the story. Elf Ranger looking for someone he lost, cutting a bloody swath through the spirit world and failing. I haven't seen him since. Have you? We, we left him behind there. He sacrificed himself for me. He nods and nods and is looking at the inscription on the table. What does it say? Is it just his name?

I think it's, I think it says Wick and then has like the, the ranger's arrow carved next to it. Yeah. Like the symbol of the ranger core. And it says here and gone underneath here. Oh, here and gone. Sick. Yeah. It's a spirit world is not a kind place for us. If he's still there, he's still alive. He's got to be one of the most badass motherfuckers I've ever heard of. It talks like if you cross paths with them, like if you go into the spirit world, can you try and make sure he's okay?

Here, give him this. And I want to give him the wooden ranger ring. Oh, yeah. From four years ago. And I, and I'm like, and I'm like, give him this. And it's the picture of him. It's the picture of Chathain's wife that I took. Oh, like I take it out of my locket and I like put it next to the ring on the table. Roll up the, the photo and put it in the ring. Yeah. And chimes takes it and looks and nods and then tucks it into his beard. Yeah. Wow. I'll get it to him.

You got to get like a purse or something, man. You got to get a purse. Yeah. Please don't lose that. We really just have the one that things were $1,200. You gave away a ring that is extremely expensive. Yeah. Extremely valuable. Ving was like shaking and then like brings it back to him and then like looks at it and gets all cross-eyed. No. He sacrificed his life. I must pass it. But 1,200 coin is still credible. No, but his life. Oh, the croissants. I mean, it looks cool. I never wear it.

It's true. I'm hoarding this. I'm hoarding it. Yeah. And Chathain would want it. But if we sold it, we could make both the croissant dream and the gravy dream come to life. No. One of you has a gravy dream. We all look at Billy and I look around like, who? I don't know anyone with a gravy dream. I've had a gravy dream. Oh, have you? Okay. Thank God. Is that what you call it? And you just kind of, you while away the waste, the rest of dinner. Ving carves his name into here. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Maybe we all carve something. Uh-huh. Yeah. What thing? What do you carve? Uh, first of all, a dick. Ah, nice. Chimes goes, like this immature, old, immortal pirate. And he carves his full name in there. Ooh, Vang Vang Zumba? Yeah. Beautiful. And then on a knife, writes, rub-a-dub-dub in the tub of love. And he carves little music symbols around it. Great. And then he's like, Tuck, what do you carve? I'm trying to think of it. Oh, okay. Sorry. What does Billy carve? He tries to carve his name.

Oh, yeah? B. B. It's just the letter B. I don't know how many are in my name. So I do three. I'm like, I think it looks like Billy. But here's something cool. From, like, Billy's perspective, it looks like three Bs. Mm-hmm. But Tuck, who's across the table, when he looks at it, it looks like a gnarled tree. Whoa. Like, because it's just like, when you flip it upside down, it's like the way it all goes together. It looks like a sketch of a tree. Wow. Yeah. Cool.

Mears comes out from the back and is sitting and finishing his soup and idly carving a picture of Francis into the table. That looks really good. Thanks. I, uh, you know, gotta be good for something because he's using, like, the finger on his metal hand to carve this weird pig. Spent a lot of time with that pig. I call Francis over to have a look. Yeah. Francis shuffles his massive body across the room. Look, it's you.

And Francis flops his chin on the table and his huge wet tongue snakes out to lick where Billy was pointing because he thinks he was pointing to food. And then he realizes there's no food and he snuffles off to the side of the room. Well, whatever. I like it. Okay. So I know what Tuck is carving. Yeah. He spent a while carving. His tongue's out. Yeah. He's biting his tongue. It's like watching a stupid kid do, like, a fucking literacy test. He's using one edge of the axe blade so it's this way.

He's using the impenetrable bill hook. Oh. Yeah. Um, we all love that. Gotta separate you from that thing someday. He, like, finally, he, like, blows the extra wood shavings off and you see he's written. He says, I pay homage to the barkeep. He fills our cups and cooks our stew and gives us shelter for the day. From the road. Nice. It's a little, uh, prayer for the first of the barkeeps. Yeah. Beautiful. Yeah, I guess they're probably, Hither and Yon would have a barkeep shrine.

Like, that's each of the tables. Like, each table is a shrine to the barkeep. Okay. And that's why people are carving the stuff into it. Like it. Because the thing that barkeeps value more than anything is stories and good time. Hot damn. Yeah. Ooh, maybe Hither and Yon is, like, the barkeep shrine. Yes. And that's why it travels around. Oh, that's kind of cool. That is cool.

And much like everybody else that has seen Tuck interact with the innumerable patrons, Chimes leans over and sees what you carved and goes, people don't really, like, pray to them. Like, it's a thing I'm trying to start, though. People don't really. Spread it around. Here, memorize this. No. Spread it around. I'm not gonna do that. Say it. Just here, memorize it. Seems weird. It's like pumping up my friend's tires. You know what I mean? You know the barkeep?

What I'm saying is people don't, people don't, people don't really, people don't really pray, but we appreciate it. Well, if you know him, tell him about this prayer. Or her. Or her. Yeah, I was gonna say the gendered language is the thing that you're gonna run up against the most because you don't really know who's the first of anything. I assume they're always men because man is normal. Because man is, man is zero and other is plus or minus on top of man. He's from the call.

So you've been saying he's from the call. He's from the call. He's from the call. He's from the call. He's from the call. He's from the call. He's from the call. Every time. Every time. All of these prayers are he. Yeah, that's good. All right, well. Because man is normal. Do you guys get it? Man is the assumed thing. This is where we all start out. It's the default. It's good because it makes it easier for all of us to think about what normal is. This chowder's great. This is a great chowder.

The guy, like, listeners, this is, this is, this is genuinely not how I think. Of course it's not. Are we sure, though? I don't think like this. Can you be sure? You kind of act like nobody picked up on a thing that Chimes said. What? Nothing. What? It's a friend of his. Is that what you said? We don't really pray. It's like pumping up my friend's tires. Yeah. Is that what you meant? No. He likes the chowder. That he said tires? Well, no, he said tires, I guess, which is weird. Wheels exist!

Wheels are real now. Do you want me to just tell you? Is he the patron saint? No. No. Not of bar keeps. Is he a patron? He said people don't really pray, but we appreciate it. Oh, we. Oh! What? But I think, but I don't think in the moment any of you pick up on it. No, we did not. They're all half drunk and Billy's on his sixth bowl of chowder. He's on his sixth bowl of chowder. And there's cream in this chowder. Billy's getting hammered. Hammered. I forgot.

It's powdered milk and he's just like, fuck. Billy, yeah. Mears is eating his chowder and looking at Billy and is like, oh, chowder. Oh, no. It flashes back to the last time they had chowder together in Little Sir. And Billy was also getting to the seventh bowl and he just fell asleep into the chowder. But somehow, when he woke up, the bowl was empty. Yeah.

He was sleep eating and then it flashes back to a time before that and Billy was eating chowder and he was trying to start a fight with a pug. Yeah. You fucking pug, don't look at me like that. You think your face is squished up now? His eyes are just going in opposite directions. Stop making fun of me. Hey, look at me when I'm talking to you. You stick out your finger and it just goes, oh, that's pretty cute. You wallop. That's pretty cute. Yeah. Okay.

Then I, I mean, I think, I think the rest of the night, like, there's carousing. There's carousing. We start a little fire in the hearth. Yeah. There's a nice little toasty peat moss fire going on. Chimes has a mug full of some steaming alcohol. Oh, he made cider. Yeah. Yeah. You can hear the like hissing and popping of the fire. He's like, he's like the mulling stone in the wine that he's drinking. And he goes, tomorrow, you're going to set sail. But tonight, we're with friends.

And that's just how the rest of the night continues until you eventually all, does anyone go to bed or do you just fall asleep where you are? I fall asleep in the chowder. In the chowder again. Chowder. Yeah. Falls asleep in a pot of chowder. Like, it's like on a low simmer. It's pretty nice. Yeah. Vic and I like walk by the kitchen. We see that. We're like, ah. Just turn it down a little bit. Like those clothes are ruined. Yeah.

And Chimes has got his feet kicked up on a chair leaning back in another chair with his pipe burning in his mouth. And you look at him and you're like, wow, he hasn't moved in a while. It looks like he's still awake though. But then you realize that he has eyes tattooed on his eyelids. Jesus. Cool. This guy's a psycho. And he's just dead asleep. You just hear him going. He's smoking. Yeah. Smoke comes out of the pipe every time he breathes out. Yeah. Yeah. It's making shapes. Yeah. And Z's.

Yeah. Z's floating up into the sky. And Mears has dozed off in a chair as well. Francis is asleep. Mears has leaned up against Francis. Cute. Texas sleep on the big leather couch by the fire. Oh, yeah. Sticky. Oh, yeah. It's going to wake up so wet. Yeah. What's Ving up to? There's a big fur on the floor. Nice. In front of the fire. Yeah. You all doze off. And after the the chaos and destruction and near death of the day, you spend a very peaceful night at Hither and Yon.

And I think that's where we're going to end it for this week. My name's Sean O'Hara. I've been your game master. Joining me as always playing Tacoma Dome, the barbarian, Abdul Aziz. So long. Playing Ving, Vang Zumba, the half elf druid. Paul Oppers. Take care, everybody. Oh, prince of the boreal. Yeah. It's happening. And playing Fat Billy, the spring fae, Jessica Tai. Good night. Thanks to Aaron Reed for our intro and outro music. Thanks to Adam Coble and Sage Latour for Dungeon World.

And thanks to all of you for listening. You can find us on social media at Spout Lore most places, including patreon.com. Check out the Spout Lore fan club on Facebook for some pretty fun fan discussions that are exciting for me. Yeah. There have recently been quite a bit of conjecture that confirmed that Chimes is the ghost pirate. Congratulations to the listener that figured that out. Nice work. Impressed. Yeah. Someone was like, hey, I figured that I was listening to old episodes.

They figured this out. And I was like, fuck. I'm actually going to check. I'm going to. We can say a name. Yeah. Let's share the same person who was like, I have a theory message me and I really wanted to. And Sean said, no, no, because my my fear is that it'll be cooler than anything I was going to think. Well, then we choose to do that. Yeah, that's true. So, yeah, good call to listener Joe H on guessing that Chimes and the ghost pirate are the same person. Yeah. Spout Lore into the week.

Yeah. Yeah. Pretty exciting for me to see people having fan theory discussions about a thing that we're doing. There's also some conjecture about why Tuck didn't see the truth demon that is dangerously close to the reality of what we were thinking. Also, listener who had a fan theory that they were getting people to message them about. Feel free to DM that to me on Twitter. DM your DM. I want to know. Yeah. DM the GM. Because I want to know what that is. Yeah. And I want to know.

I'll make Sean tell me. Yeah. I'll tell everybody. But send it to me on Twitter or Facebook. Thanks for listening, everybody. Now I'm just using this as a messaging service. Yeah. Anyone that wants to tell me what their favorite colors are, call me at Anybody that wants to remind me to pay my phone bill, please tweet at me at Sean O'Hara. You got to do it before me. April 9th or I will have forgotten. If anybody knows where I parked my car with my kids in it, my license plate's JJJ555.

Keep an eye out, everybody. And then tweet at Sean because I don't have Twitter. If anyone knows where my car with my kids in it, my license plate is Katie's boyfriend. I wanted to go back to. Well, thanks for listening, everybody. See you later. So long. Bye-bye. Bye.

So ends the tale of adventures three who tried the best they can Though dumb and scared and lost they be For time's abreast in revelry And though our journey may be like a conclusion We will not leave you without a resolution We will not leave you Return next week to hear some more Whilst you commute or do your chores And for you I'd gladly spout no Jessica, did you have a thing? I really wanted to ask people those dumb No, do it. No, yeah. If anyone's got Say it. Say it.

If anyone during this quarantine time is in a hurry wants to DM the GM to get to me their most favorite foods, I can guess your horoscope from that. And I will guess with 99% accuracy. Asterix, not guaranteed. What a wild carnival game there. That's not bad. I have been doing a lot of BuzzFeed quizzes. And I want to do my own. Pick your favorite brunch foods and I will tell you the time and manner of your day. Yeah. I can do that too. You just, put in a request and I will do it.

I'm a brunch fortune teller. Only brunch. Also dinner foods. Also lunch foods. Snack foods. Just food. Just food. Just food. Okay, goodbye everybody. Bye bye. Bye bye.

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape, and wields a spear with great might Peely's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and bravest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends, and listen close For the tale's about to start Welcome everybody to Spout Lore I'm your Game Master Sean I'm Sean O'Hara Joining me as always playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian Abdul Aziz Hello everybody Playing Ving the Half-Elf Druid Paul Oppers Hey, how's it going?

Playing Fat Billy the Halfling Thief Jessica Tai Hello When last we left our heroes, they were enjoying a nice, calm night In the Hither and Yon, a pub located in a pillar in the Sea of Graves And it's got like a Room of Requirement vibe to it Yes, Billy remembers having heard stories from travelers and other halflings about the Hither and Yon And how Billy grew up in a different city every time somebody brought it up One person probably was like, yeah, it was just a door in a tree Or like, I found it underground And this is before franchises, everybody Yeah, exactly Yeah, I went to a place that was in a bunch of different cities too McDonald's What did we learn during our time at Hither and Yon?

Fucking that chowder's good Yep, Mears made a great chowder that Billy got absolutely tanked off We learned that Billy was a tree Yes, the revelation My spring fey roots have been uncovered And we know the origins of Billy What else did we learn?

Chimes explained to us that since Perella is a wizard, he's probably being dragged to the Nexus of Magical Energy Right In the Sea of Graves Yes Which is called the Eye of the Storm So if we want him, we have to go there Mm-hmm And we can also illustrate it by pulling one of the rings out of his beard Yeah And putting it on the bar, and then it like, rolled towards where the Nexus would be Mm-hmm And the Nexus we have discussed is also the roosting point of the King of the Thunderbirds Rumored to be Rumored to be, who is said to have made a roost out of the halls of smashed ships So sad So cool His shit can feed a family of four Ugh, gross Why?

Because it's so big His penis I think we've used a different way of saying that Think of all the worms it needs to eat to sustain itself Worms I don't know what Thunderbirds eat Yeah, worms Fish?

Yeah They are also by nature sustained Oh yeah Mm-hmm I imagine that it was storms that sustained them They feed off the storms Like the electrical energy Oh yeah, that makes sense actually Yeah And yeah, after dinner, everybody just went to sleep, fell asleep in some chairs And you wake up Feeling so uncomfortable Why?

Because you're all crammed up on t- Well, I mean like, Billy is probably fine They were sleeping on furs Well, I woke up in the soup And it's cold now Objectively slept in the worst place Right, I forgot Billy slept in soup So yeah, Billy wakes up eventually covered in wet, cold soup With a yeast infection Ugh You don't have a yeast infection I just have to shit a lot Not that I'm a shit person I'm a shit person I'm a shit person I'm a shit person I'm a shit person I'm a shit person I'm a shit person I'm a shit person I'm a shit person I'm a shit person I'm a shit person I'm a shit person Not in the soup, Billy So I go to the bathroom And then I'm going to go bathe in the sink for once in my life Because even my standards, like, I'm dirty Yeah, totally And everybody sort of slowly comes awake Chimes wakes up and you hear his bones creaking From every part of the room So many pops It's like Oh, boy, okay, yeah He's doing calisthenics He's already awake Yeah He's like, he's like spitting on and rubbing off a room Yeah rune, like slapping it.

Come on, come on. He's like those old dudes that you see at the swimming pool that are just like next to the kids pool, like smacking their legs. I went to the pool with Abdul and there was an old man just slapping the absolute shit out of himself for like half an hour. Everyone in the pool was watching. It was just like what is happening? Just slapping his stomach and his chest and his legs. I don't. I'm Chinese. I feel like there's some Chinese old people who do this. I don't know why.

Is it like to get blood flowing? Probably. Or to move lactic acid out of there? Oh yeah. So that is what Chimes is doing. He's slapping the shit out of his body. That's what we wake up to. Yeah, it's just like God damn. See that red sky last night? Sailor's delight, baby. Jesus Christ. And I like I stand up and you can hear the leather couch peel off my back. Oh my God. Oh gross chimes goes and starts kind of mixing up a pretty simple breakfast for everybody.

Just, you know, slabs are real thick, hearty, old school bacon, eggs, bread, bread, some kind of spiced potato coffee. Yeah, he makes he makes coffee like he makes really good rich coffee. Billy comes down feeling like garbage, I assume. Yeah, I'm naked and I'm dragging my like wet clothes. He's got a towel around his belly. No, I have nothing. Yeah, I go and I lay my clothes in front of the fire and stand in front of the fire. I'm like, how'd you guys sleep? I don't think I slept at all.

The fur from in front of the fire wrapped around him. I was trying to study the essence of and I just was up. Distracted all night. What was being trying to study the essence of the bar and the bottle of Crown Royal? Okay, here I studied like eight bottles of essence last night. Oh, no. Are you hung over? I'm hammered. Oh, no. So chime sees how total thing is and goes, I got just the thing for this and he comes back with a glass and an egg.

And he just throws the egg the whole thing in with the shell and everything shakes it back and forth in the glass. So it shatters pours some kind of brown sauce in there. What's that? You don't want to know and it's but it's got a shitload of MSG and he goes through a couple jars that you've been leaving all over the place in your drunken view. I put all the jars in my room. Oh, yeah, he goes back upstairs comes back down with the one full of what was it a yellow powder? Yeah, and goes.

Pinch of this. What is that? Smells it and he says it's powdered. It was alive. Is it nutritional yeast? He's like, I don't fucking know. Grabs a big pinch, throws it in the cup, mixes it all up and says, drink this. Absolutely not drink it. Okay. Down in one down in one. It's crunch. Oh, it's crunch. This crunch. The shells are a lot. That's the eggshells. Do you have a muddler? No, eggshells are key. Oh, God, it's the fiber. Holy shit. I feel so much better already. Yeah. Holy fucking shit.

You're gonna start slapping his arms in his thighs. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mixed that one up in Panusia back in my younger days. You're all sitting at the table. Francis is sitting near the table hoping someone will throw him some food. I throw him food. He happily gobbles up whatever bacon gets tossed his way and chime says, so you know where you're going now, but I'm thinking if you're gonna go, you might want to go alone. You can't take us there. Chimes, we need you.

Yeah, man, we don't even have a boat. You could use my boat. Why can't you come with us? See, your graves and I aren't on the best of terms. I don't think it likes us very much either. Please. Yeah, this might be sit trying to convince him. I was doing it to D6 plus charisma. Fuck three. He says, I'm sorry, but no. If I came with you, it just be putting a bullseye on your back. See, bluntly hates me. Why? We've had words in the past.

I'm not going to come with you, but what I will do is try and keep the storm off your back for a little bit. Okay, and how are we going to do this? And he thinks for a second and then he reaches under the counter and pulls out a little knife and reaches into his beard and sniffs off a braid with a brass ring hanging on the end of it. It says, tie this on the sail. Can we braid it into? Tuck's beard? Yeah, that'd be cool. Cool little bead. He holds it out to tuck and says, get that in there.

Bing braids it in there. There's this one like gray braid. Yeah. You look awesome. That's very distinguished. Thank you. That's a beautiful bit of flair. Thanks, man. I start to feel it like weight in like an unseen wind, basically. Tickles. Weird. Tugs on your chin a little bit. Yeah. That should take you the way you need to go. It's going to take some doing. It's going to be a bit of a trip. Okay. What do we need? What do we need to make sure we bring? Billy is rubbing his belly.

I'm still naked, but my clothes are almost dry. You'll need, you know, the usual food, weapons. Can you get us a bunch of supplies from the kitchen? Yeah, yeah. I'll look around. And he goes into the kitchen. And Chimes does say something to consider. Boat's not that big. So if the four of you go and you're going to grab a fifth, that's going to be too many. Boat can hold a lot, but can't hold that many. And it certainly can't hold the pig. Francis is in the corner trying to eat like a rug.

Yeah. So then as Mears comes back in, we're like, Mears, we can't take you. Okay. I thought you'd be a lot sadder. I am going to be absolutely terrified for the three of you. But I am going to be in a nice, safe, comfortable pub in the meantime. Don't say that, Mears. You're going to be okay. I could not be more relieved to not have to go into a magical storm to fight a bunch of maybe giant birds. You're being really brave about this. But you can speak honestly to us.

You can tell us your true feelings. Billy, this is the happiest I've been in months. You're so strong. It's so hard to be left behind, buddy. Tuck, I hope that you're safe, but if you're gone for a while, I'll be okay with that. The sacrifice that you're making is overwhelming. I think I'm going to take a nap. You know what, Mears? Get in the boat. You're coming with us, buddy. We're going to risk it. It's not worth leaving you behind. And he waves at you like, okay, have fun.

And he goes back into the kitchen. Be safe. Don't drown. It's going to be tough on Mears, but we'll be okay. We won't forget about Mears. Mears is just singing that song to himself. Walking backwards doing guns. And you hear the clanging of pots and pans as he continues the song. Hey, Chimes. Take care of him, okay? Oh, I will. He's our best friend. I can see that. Yeah. Learn a lot from you. Yeah, I suppose he could.

Hither and yon has kept a lot of people safe, and he won't be the first one, and he's not going to be the last one, so you can rest assured. Good luck with the pig. That pig's going to be a real problem. Francis loves alfalfa. If you can get him some of that, he'll calm down a lot. Okay, I'll do what I can. As we're having this conversation, Francis is straining to wedge himself up the stairs, and he keeps backsliding down it. Okay. And, Ving, you can hear him going, My word.

I find this staircase to be too narrow for my massive countenance. I must find a way to convey my form upon these steps into the comforts of the higher levels. For the master suite is in the highest level, and the master suite is what King Francis desires. A wonderful feathered-down four-poster bed for me, and a cigar by the hearth. And then… My butt! Oh, my butt! My butt! My buttocks! Farewell, good friends. Farewell. Bye, Francis. I love you. Goodbye, small one.

I can only relate to you guys how British that pig is. You would love it. And, uh, Chimes takes you to the door and pushes it open and points at the boat. He's got a coil of rope over his shoulder, and, um, a lantern hanging from the rope, and he goes, alright, so be gentle with her. Follow the ring. She'll do the rest. But also, I've seen a lot, I've been a lot of places, and this sea is the scariest, meanest, most surprising thing I've ever encountered, so keep your wits about you.

I, like, I grab him, I'm like, why are you doing this, man? Like, you're doing so much for us. You're giving us your boat? Like, a lot, man. Yeah, why? It's a hard world out there. But people are worth saving. And you three seem to know that better than most. Good luck out there. Thanks, Chimes. Yeah. And you can see the storm swirling just on the edge of the calm that the boat creates. He goes, alright, I'm gonna try and give you some time. But move fast. What are you gonna do?

I'm gonna raise a little hill. Oh my god! And he walks back into the common room, and you see him walk up to a ladder set in the side of the room, in the hither and yon, and he climbs up it a few feet to a hatch in the roof, and he pops the hatch, and sunlight comes in. He goes up through the hatch and closes it. Whoa. Yeah. Good luck. Okay. So I throw my pack into the boat. Like, I guess we should, I guess we should just get in now. There's nothing left to do.

There's nothing left to discern here. Should we discern realities? So what exactly are you discerning realities about? What do we need to do? Okay, yeah. Then we, for that, instead of the discern realities, we can use some of the moves from the Perilous Wilds, a supplement by Lamp Black and Brimstone that totally changes up all of the journeying rules.

Instead of Quartermaster, Trailblazer, Pathfinder, there are two moves that one party member each performs, Scout Ahead and Navigate, and that's sort of how you determine what happens on each leg of the journey. Okay. Yeah. Would that be Tuck, because he has the braid in his beard? Yeah, Navigate would probably be Tuck. Okay. Yeah. And would you want to Scout Ahead with the Thunderbird, maybe? Maybe, yeah. Oh, yeah. So Tuck's gonna do Navigate, Vink's gonna do Scout Ahead? Yeah. Okay.

So Scout Ahead is 2d6 plus Wisdom. Ooh, 8. So on a 7-9, you choose one from the list below. You get a drop on whatever lies ahead. You discern a beneficial aspect of the terrain, a shortcut, shelter, or tactical advantage. You make a discovery, or you notice sign of a nearby danger. I want to discern a beneficial aspect of the terrain. In the clouds, just like past where the pillar enters the top of the storm, you see a soft orange light start to circle, around the edge of the pillar.

Is that the lantern that Chimes was holding? You can assume so. Uh-huh. Yeah, yeah. Because he's, like, out of sight, basically. He's, like, so high up. Yeah. Way, way high up. And you just hear shouting. Are you screaming? Hey, you old sumbitch! You ready to settle some scores? Whoa, holy shit. And you hear boom! Boom! Like, there's a fucking cacophony. Holy fuck. And the storm starts to swirl around the pillar. The worst of it starts to move upwards.

Like, it starts to form a cyclone around you. But as it moves upwards, it's pulling up from the surface of the water, leaving gaps in the storm wall. Oh. Oh, man. Let's weave through those gaps. Yeah. So that's one of the best shortcuts that Ving can see, is like, oh, this is gonna get us through the worst of this right here. So then the next move is navigate, which is 2d6 plus intelligence. Uh, okay. Fuck. Whoops. Uh. Eight. Eight. So on a seven to nine, choose one from the list below.

You happen on a discovery missed by the scout. The going is slow, or you wander off course, or you encounter a danger. Whether or not you're surprised depends on whether the scout has the drop on it. I encounter a danger? That's too soon. Then you can choose the other two things. I happen upon a discovery. Okay. Okay. I'm gonna roll a discovery. Why is one a good thing and two bad things? Uh, one is, well, one is just a, like, the discovery just a thing. Oh, it's interesting.

It's not, like, beneficial necessarily. I'm interested in discovery. Okay. So you are sailing through the storm as it undulates on the top of the water. It's creating these tunnels of clear sky and calm winds and calm water that Tuck is desperately trying to navigate the ship through. The ring in his beard is pulling, showing him which tunnels he should take, which is helping you make it through this a lot quicker than you could otherwise. And it goes on for a while.

Like, it's probably 20, 30 minutes, maybe an hour of navigating this rough part of the water. You don't know what Chimes did, but you do know that after about an hour, the storm calms and the clouds pull apart. And now where you are in this section of the Sea of Graves is absolutely still. There's blue skies, still water, and the pillars are just spread out in a grid, around you.

And as you're sailing past one pillar in particular, you are looking at the runes, and you see that in the side of this pillar, there seems to be a dug out section. And that's the discovery, is that there is this section of this pillar that looks like it has some sort of structure dug into it. Like, whether it's natural or man-made or an animal made it, you have no way of knowing. Hmm. Can I use my binoculars? Yeah, absolutely. So I guess this is discern realities. Please! Cool. Eight. Nice.

So… You get one question on this. What here is not what it appears to be. So you're looking at this pillar with these holes carved into it. As you're looking at it, you see that there's more than one hole in the side of this. They kind of honey comb through it. You are looking at one section that looks particularly craggy. As you're looking at this part of the stone, it starts to move. And you see segmented legs and a long, broad back and huge pinchers. Jesus! Rock crab!

And it shuffles and moves on the side of the thing, and it looks like it's starting to come down off of the tower. I will use spirit tongue and try to talk to the rock crab. Yeah. That crab. Yeah. I'm gonna try and spirit tongue the trap. Don't worry. I'm tonguing him. All right. I'm about to. Hello, my friend. What a nice pillow you have. And it's still up on the tower, and you see the stalks of its eyes whip up, so it's facing you. Ew. Gross! Fuck! They don't mean that.

You are a beautiful crab. Unfortunately, all you hear is, I will crush you. I will crush you! And it's, like, clacking its claws. Ah, he's just into crushing. We should get the fuck out of here. Yeah. Okay. Nah, he's an idiot. You have entered my waters, and I will crush you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's kind of like an Italian crusher. It's clacking down the side of the tower. They call me Wesley Crusher. Crush, crush, crush. How fast does this thing go?

Well, around here, it's absolutely still. Like, there's no wind? There's a gentle wind. I thought this boat didn't use wind, though. I thought so, too. Oh, right. Billy is right. This boat doesn't need wind in the traditional sense. Oh, the runes. The runes. Billy's memories might have runes in them. Oh, my God, they might. Shit. Sorry. Billy, language. No, sorry. Fuck. It's so hard when- Talk language. Sorry. Jesus Christ. I just have so much to remember, you guys. Spout Lore, I guess?

Yeah, Spout Lore on the runes. Two to six plus intelligence. Yeah! Eight. Eight. Okay. Something interesting, but not useful. Can we both aid to make it a ten? No, only one can aid. Oh, wait. Billy used to certain realities to see the crab. Yes. And when you act on the information- You get a plus one. You get a plus one. Oh! So I get nine. So if somebody is to aid Billy successfully, he will get a ten. Ving knows. Rune language. Ving knows. Helping Billy. Ah, 13. Hey! Ooh, ten! There we go.

It's a ten. Boom. Gonna know how to read soon. This is the most successful Spout Lore we've ever had. Oh, yeah. Maybe the only one. Yeah. So the crab has now gone into the water, and you can see its shell over the waves. Oh, shit. And it's going clack, clack, clack, clack. I hate this thing. She's sticking its claws out. How is it swimming? How about you guys tell me how this works? The runes. The runes? Yeah. What did he do? He smacked it. He was rubbing things. He's rubbing it. So I…

What if you use your magic and rub on it? Yeah, so I… Trace the rune. Yeah. I dip my fingers in the seawater, and I run them across the arrows, and they glow. Ooh. Mm-hmm. So the arrows are… There's one arrow, and as I glide my hands over it, I turn the arrow the way I want to go. Cool. Ooh. And it moves in the wood. Yeah. Wait, the rune moves through the wood of the ship? No, it's like a compass. I can manipulate it to the direction I want. So you can rotate it. Yeah.

Like the navigator style. Yeah, totally. Yeah, absolutely. Instinctual flying. So I think how this works is the tiller is still used to steer, but that rune is used to fill the wind in the sail in the direction that you want. It's making like a localized wind. Yeah. Fucking sick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So then whoop, and it starts moving. But you guys are still going to need to do some good piloting to get away from this crab. All right, let's pilot the shit out of it. But so yeah, Tuck is piloting.

So this will be a defy danger dexterity probably. Cool. Ooh, 11. Yeah, great. So the crab is swimming surprisingly quickly through the water and gets just to the back of the boat. It's pinchers reaching out its massive crushing claw. No! And just before it snaps on the rudder, it's like, oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. The sail fills with air.

It pulls forward and Tuck, you're steering out of the way as it tails you. And it's like, snap, snap. I will crush. I will crush. You'll crush nothing, loser. Are we putting some distance between us and it? The boat's starting to pick up. It is still a crab. It's a crab that can swim pretty fast, but it's still a crab. Okay. Does the crab give up? The crab does eventually get tired, and you go, and you hear it, Ving, you hear it go, I will crush later. It turns around and swims back to its nest.

Oof. Yeah. That's fucking gross. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Great. So I need another scout ahead by whoever's scouting ahead this time. Oh, it changes. It can. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It doesn't matter. Bilbo. Oh, should I do it? Yeah. Yeah. You got Knox. Yeah. It's been very calm, and Billy's looking out with his biniculars into the sea. 2d6 plus wisdom. Eight. Eight. Okay. So one from the list below. Get the drop on whatever lies ahead. Discern a beneficial aspect of the terrain.

Make a discovery or notice sign of a nearby danger. I guess I'd like to get a drop on what's ahead, just because it's so calm right now. Totally. Then this would play into the navigate. Ving will take over the till. Give Tuck a chance to have his arms free. And I failed horribly. Oh, no. Yeah. Did a bad job. So he's like, ah, I got this one, buddy. You take a load off. And falls off the back of the boat. Whoop. Uh, okay. Give me one second. Sure. Tech is really relaxing. Yeah.

It's just kicking back. How what's relaxation look in this boat? He's just sunning himself on the deck, like feet hanging over the edge, like dragging through the water. Nice. And Billy's standing on the front of the boat with his binoculars. Yeah. I'm laying on my tummy actually. And I'm looking out. And it's just unbroken water for so long with the pillars on either side as you're sailing in between them. And then it looks like there's a sheet of water. Of some strange looking material.

Mm-hmm. Like in the water, just spread out for dozens and dozens of feet around you. Around me. It's basically like you're sailing into it and it's all on the right side of the boat. Oh, tuck. Bring your feet up. I pull my feet into the deck. Yeah. What is that? So Billy, what you see is you see this sheet of something spreading out ahead of you and maybe.

A hundred, 200 feet ahead of you, you see that it connects to this long sinuous body that you can just see there at the top of peeking up out of the water, this long shape with a huge sheet connected to it. Almost totally still. Tuck. What is that? And I look up and I'm like, it's a fucking trap is what it is. I take the arrow that is the wind arrow and I slam it the other direction. Yeah. Backwards. Okay.

That's going to be a defied injured dexterity to act quickly enough before you fuck something up. Sick. Someone help me. Billy. Billy is the rune master. Yeah. Um, and tuck is like slamming a bunch of random runes. He can't remember which one it was. Stop it. Doing the ones all around it. Fuck. Fuck. Plus bond. Five. Oh boy. Son of a bitch. Yeah. Market point of experience. Everybody market point of experience.

I grabbed Tuck's hand, but I'm small and all I do is just push his hand across other rooms. There's a bunch of random shit. Like a toaster pops out of one side. It turns into a car for a second. A boat like flips upside down for two seconds. And we're like, now playing Dolly Parton on Spotify. What the fuck is this? But the boat doesn't stop quick enough before it passes over this section of whatever. Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, sheet is laying on the water.

And you just sail across this part of it before sailing back into the water. And you realize it almost looks like skin. It's like vascular. You can see the sun shining through it into the water below. You can see veins. Yeah. Oh, fuck. This is so gross. Can someone Spout Lore about it? Is it an animal? Hey guys. Oh, Jesus Christ. Bad at this game. Oh boy. Ving's like, I think I know what this is. I think it's garbage. Let's just keep going. Yeah, Ving's still piloting like, it's fine.

Stop touching stuff. Maybe Ving can't feel it. Like maybe you reach out to like the spirits and you're like, no, there's nothing here. I think it's not alive. That's for sure. Interesting because he's absolutely wrong. The water, which has been very still up until this point, starts to churn a little bit.

And then far ahead where that long sinuous shape can be seen poking out, you see a fin near the end of it poke out of the water and then a massive reptilian head pulls up out of the ocean and its eyes slowly blink open. Oh, hey, Billy, did you see there's a huge monster behind you? What? Girl, I hadn't seen the head yet. He's still looking at the wing like gross. Monster? Yeah. Looks like Tuck's scrote. Oh, man, that's great. Oh, my God. I did this to us. We're doomed. I can't save us.

You should have put me in charge, you guys. Don't have the best eyes. I these are just toys. It's just my imagination. Who put me in charge of steering? We're so fucked. Even the dumbest amongst you has probably figured out what this is. Is it the world serpent? Is it the world serpent? No. Oh, okay. It's a dragon. It's a dragon? None of the dumbest among us knew that. Are you kidding me? That's a fucking dragon? A water dragon? Well, now I'm excited. I did. Holy shit.

The water starts to churn and its head comes up out of the ocean and its head is fucking huge. Like it's like the size of a house. Oh, I imagine way bigger. Its head is the size of a house. Oh, okay. Really big houses. It's the size of your apartment. Of a boomer's house. Enormous. Oh, my God. There's like six bedrooms in there. There's a bidet in this dragon's head. Jesus Christ. You know what they have? They have a games room that they never use.

They have enough rooms that they've had to gin up reasons to have rooms. There's a workout room. There's a study. Who has a fucking study? They have an office. Neither of them work for 20 years. There's one that the husband calls the quote unquote man cave that has a Guns N' Roses pinball machine that has not worked since 1999.

But yeah, so this huge reptilian head comes up out of the water on this powerful long serpent like neck and it's just kind of slowly swinging its head back and forth trying to figure out what touched it, but it just moves its wing. Well, that's what we saw. Yeah, we the skin thing was pulls its wing out from underneath you and readjusts on the top of the water and it just settles its head back down and underneath you are like you are really close to this thing, but somehow it has not seen you.

Maybe it's tired. Maybe it's like in some sort of fugue state, but it's just floating this enormous serpent. Should we quietly try to skiff past it? Yeah. Or go really close to its face. Hear me out. Okay, go on. If it's friendly and helps us get to our Perel. Dragons are magic. I failed the Spout Lore, but I know that much is true. I have immense doubts. Fair. But I don't want to admit that to Ving. Ving is freaking out. How many times are we going to run into a dragon?

How can we just tiptoe past this big motherfucking thing? We're having a whisper argument. Okay, you want to go close to it and look at it? Yes, I want to get closer to it. I think we should be as fucking quiet as possible. It looked like it looked at us, right? I will say that you're on the butt side of its wing, too. Oh, its head is on the other side, so you'd have to go over or around the wing to get to its face. Guys, we got at least take a picture.

I don't ever remember seeing one in person this close. What? You've seen one before? Yeah, like a long time ago, but not in the water. Oh, well, that's an opportunity for Billy to roll some things because that is an opening for you to at least learn more about dragons in general from your memories. Yeah, is that a spell or this will be a spell? Okay. Yeah. Plus intelligence. Not great. Six aid. How do we aid anything that Vings heard about dragons? He's very excited. Oh, yeah.

Maybe you like studied them in high school like in your on the weekend. Yeah, you did a school project on it. I went on a field trip out east and then got obsessed with dragons when I was 12. Oh, God. Jesus Christ. Guys, what did you roll? Six. What is going on? What the fuck? I didn't even switch die. Okay, guys. I remember his long time ago and I saw it from really far away. It was definitely not as big as this guy. And as long as you don't move too quickly, you show a lot of respect.

It won't bother you. I think they're actually kind of blind. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, okay. Okay. Okay. Fine. We'll sail close to it. We'll be as still as possible and we'll show respect. Yeah. Make eye contact. Do not look away all shady. You have to look at straight in the eyes so that it knows that you see it and that you respect it. P's and Q's, everybody. Yeah. P at it? No. No. No. Respect. Okay. Thank you? Why is it Q? What is a Q? Say, how are you doing today? Okay.

With your eyes. Okay. So considering that that's a failure, what do you do immediately that makes this way worse? Go over its arm. Yeah. Go right over the way. While we're doing this, we don't, we aren't navigating, so we just bump over its arm. The water starts to churn again as it pulls its wing into its body and the boat is like pulled along with it for a little bit. But it does, it does right itself back in the water.

You get bucked off a little bit and then you sail right up to the face of this thing as it pulls its head out of the water more. Okay. So just keep looking at it. We're all staring. We're staring and smiling, baring our teeth. Tuck is holding Billy. It's looking at you from the side with its one gigantic eye. Ving just waves. You could do another spell or whatever. Oh yeah. There's been a lot, there's been a couple failed spell lores at this point. There's been more than a couple.

No, like with this dragon, there's been two. And a failed aid. So it's just like, maybe you guys kind of blew it with the dragon knowledge. What about spirit tongue? Should you try and tongue it? Oh yeah, tongue it. Try and tongue it again. I'm going to tongue it guys. Okay. Can't wait. So it's, its head comes up out of the water and swings over to you on its serpentine neck. It's gigantic nostrils. Billy tips his invisible cap. Tips an invisible smile.

And then Tuck like puts his palms together and bows at it. And then he like, he takes, the ax and like pretends to gong it. He goes, that's not racist because this, we haven't established what culture that refers to. So why'd you have to jump in and say that it wasn't racist? Just so everybody knows. So weird that like it's a dragon from like Chinese culture and you decide to gong at it.

So the head moves towards you and its nostrils like unseal because its nostrils were closed when it was under the water. Flares his nostrils. And you can just, and his gills, his gills open up. They make this him. It's eyes are on the side of its head. So it has to do that thing where it looks at you one side than the other.

But then it's nostrils face you and you just hear like as it really like you can feel the air tugged into its nose and it gets really close to you thing and you can hear through the spiritual conduit of your soul. How are you? Yeah, I feel it resonate from his crystal chest cave. There's such a timber to it with this body because you tuck and Billy do hear sounds. Yeah, and it's like vibration. Yeah, it's almost like you can feel your clothes shaking. Yeah, the boat shakes in the water.

Brown note. Yeah, all those Burgum wines that you drank last night. Oh God, yeah, it's coming up. It's gonna make me shit my pants. It's just the dragon. That's the only reason hurry. Yeah. Hello. Great one. We are travelers three that we may be passing by on such a day. Who are you? I'm glad you ask. I am so really in depth seen from a great distance. That's really fucking really, really in depth. Seen from a great height. Yeah, but you can call me Siri. Here.

What brings you this far out and her head is like swinging around you like a snake now, like it goes around and then faces the other way. What brings you to the sea of gray Siri? We're trying to find a friend of ours. Actually, have you seen anyone pass? I've not seen anyone in these waters for many generations. Your size is impressive. Thank you. My bulk is immense and my girth is also impressive.

I have been coming to these waters for thousands of years and her wings come up out of the water and shake off all these drops that glitter in the sunlight as they pour back into the water and you see the fucking scale of this thing. It's huge and you see the scales of this thing and each one is about as big as a fucking hubcap. Is she big enough that she can kind of touch two pillars at once? Oh, I bet. Almost. Well, you guys said it, so yes. She can. Her scales look like mother of pearl.

Oh, because of the spelt lures you guys failed, I can't tell you why. Sorry. I will say that if you know anything about animals, her eyes are on the side, not on the front, which means she's extra horny. Does it mean? She can look for cocks from 180 degrees. And if you look at her teeth, they are not like jagged. She's an herbivore. Which means she smokes weed. So, probably a lot of weed. It looks like, but they're not jagged, but they're not totally flat.

They look like they're good for grinding things. Weed. She's horny. She's horny. She wants to cry. Your pearly scales are most beautiful. It has taken me many generations to get them to this luster. Thank you for noticing. Have you noticed anyone pass? Specifically a bald little cuck on a piece of wood. Bald little cuck. What was he dressed in? His robes, wasn't it? No. He was in like a vest and like he had cut off his leather pants. Oh, right. Oh, yeah. He's just taking on the pirate vibe.

He ended up looking like he was just doing a play about a pirate and everyone's walking around being like, what the fuck? But like a really sexy one. Any pirate daddies floated by. Yeah. He cut assless chaps. He cut the butt. This is a bad idea. My buns are burning. They're wet and hot at the same time. His butt is going to be so sunburned by the time he gets to the… These purple circles. Yeah, the eye of the storm. I'm like, I want to like start looking through all my shit.

And I have two of the obsidian coins. Ooh. And I also, I have a diamond too. And I want to like go to Ving and be like, see if you can trade these for information about Perel. Like, would that help? I mean, it's a parlay. Unfortunately, you don't know anything about dragons. So you can't… I mean, it's a parlay. Unfortunately, you don't know anything about dragons. So you can't… I can't be sure if it'll work, but it's worth a shot. I feel like she would really like that diamond.

She seems to like lustery things. Yes. Oh, right, because the mother of Pearl. Yeah. So yeah, the diamond. I give you the diamond. We would like to offer you this beautiful shimmering diamond from the lands of shore. Mmm. Please take it as a gift of our passing and a gratitude to your benevolence. Mmm. You're going to have to roll a parlay. Yeah. I can't wait to succeed. Let's roll. Parlay. Aha. Fuck. Plus my charisma. Eight. Eight. Mmm. Ooh.

One of her massive nostrils comes right up next to the diamond and sniffs real big and goes, Mmm. Gemstones. I do love a gemstone. I love all things of shine and shimmer. You must have more than such a paltry diamond. I, I, I, Wealthy taste. Yeah, I, Oh, fuck. Yeah, um, when you, I make a show of flashing around my most valuable possession. Choose someone present. They will do anything they can to obtain your item or one like it. Well, there you go.

I mean, yeah, that's a great way to use that move. Yeah, so I pull the uncut ruby and the diamond I have and they are so beautiful and I hold them up and I'm like, do you like these? And I look at Bing like, I think she does. How do you make it look more alluring? I just like, I move my arms slowly in big circles like a tree, like a tree kind of and like I try to catch the sunlight off of them so they glimmer. And then I do a bit of like Vanna White kind of like, Oh, look at this.

Starts kissing them. And her, she turns her head to the side again and puts her gigantic, eye in front of it and it dilates as she's looking at these gems that Billy's showing off. Because Billy's really good at showing off gems. Yeah, I hold them close. I'm very scared. And she says, I will accept your offer, your tribute to my, what's another word for shimmering? Luster? That's what she said. What's another word in your tongue for shimmering? Satin. Satin.

Oh, I like how that feels on my serpentine tongue. My satin countenance. From the body language, it seems like Vig's kind of seducing this drink. Kind of flirting a little bit. It's like, is there something going on here? He looks over his shoulder, talking, winks at him. And she swings her mouth back around in your guys' direction and opens her jaws and these gigantic grinding teeth are shown. It's okay, Billy. And the two of you don't fucking know what's happening. It's fine, it's fine.

Do I put him in? Please hold. Okay. Then this huge tongue comes snaking out. It's got all these big, like, barbs on it. And she just sticks her tongue out in front of you. Put the jewels on the tongue. I put the jewels on the tongue and it's, her tongue is surprisingly soft. Yeah, between the barbs, it's like pretty silky. Yeah. And then it snakes back into her mouth. Tuck, when she moved close, he did that thing where it's like you, uh, uh, uh, yeah. I'm scared, but I'm okay. Uh.

And as she swallows the gem, she goes, mmm, delectable. I will see what I can find about your bald, cuck-like friend. Whatever that means, I will find this cuck for you. Is this the name that he answers to? Like, Tuck is like listening to this and he's like, sounds like she's saying cuck over. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. Yeah. You're hearing, cuck. There's like no dragon word for it. Yeah, it doesn't translate. She just says it in English. Yeah. Or common. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How will she find us? I know these waters well. I will find you when the time is right. It would be easier if you gave us of your flesh. What mean you? I mean, if you were to give us one of your pearly scales, perhaps it would make it easier to track us down. We could use it as a… We'll keep it as a…

Can I have one of your scales? This is another… This is a Defy Danger charisma straight up. Oh, God. People are not going to believe how beautiful you are. I want to be able to show them what a fantastic, wonderful creature you are, Siri. Plus charisma. Oh, shit. Ten. Ten. Finally. Oh, my God. She says, I have remained secluded in these waters for far too long. It's time that tales of my beauty spread the wide world. And what a wide beauty it is. You didn't mean to insult her.

No, that's not insulting to a dragon at all. I am exceedingly wide. And her body moves in the water around her churns. And then a single talon of her fucking enormous claw pops out of the water in front of you. And on top of that, on top of it is sitting this hubcap-sized, almost like shield-sized mother-of-pearl scale. Ving bows his head and accepts it like a sword from a samurai master. We both. The scene.

Jessica and Abdullah are both putting their hands in front of them in a prayer motion and bowing. And we start, like, vocalizing. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Thank you, dragon. And she looks at you one last time and says, this is a gift. Her wings come up out of the water and she rears like two-thirds of her body up out of the ocean. And it's just towering. It's hard to explain how overwhelming it is to even see this much of this dragon.

Ving gets a boner. Yeah, Ving's like, oh, cool. Wow.

You guys seen the scale and then she dips up and dips her head back down and dives into the water pulling her wings in tight she's gonna fly she's only in the water diving under the sea and out of sight siri call perel colleague cuck yeah uh siri find uh perel from the purifier ordering perel hand sanitizer on amazon.com so dumb um yeah and so so really in-depth scene from great heights is gone wow whoa uh guys uh worth it this is pretty cool tap tap tap tap maybe the best way to frame what's gonna happen next is for you guys to roll those things for the next leg oh yeah and then I can just okay so who's who's scouting ahead and who's uh navigating billy will not scout do you want to navigate no okay yeah you have the chime I have the chime but you can feel perel so it might make sense for you too what if you put your hands in the water yeah yeah so ving first I'm scouting scouting from the boat from my elf eyes okay 36 plus wisdom oh thank gosh not bad nine nine okay great you choose two from the list below you get the drop on whatever lies ahead you discern a beneficial aspect of the terrain make a discovery or notice a sign of a nearby danger get the drop on whatever lies ahead and make a discovery so you're sailing through this calm area as chimes is bear baiting of the storm of the sea of graves remains in place for now but the sun has started to go down and before long it's night and you settle into this quiet dark starlit night tuck is just like strumming his lute a little bit he hasn't had a chance to play it in a long time it's been a long time since I played music just doing like a few simple chords and as you're playing this quiet lute song you hear a tambourine and then a flute and then a fiddle I look around you see about three pillars away to your front and two to the right the lights of a town clustered around a pillar in the sea of graves what we're going to play a song and then we're going to play a song and then we're going to go towards that town and that's where we're going to pick it up next week oh my name is Sean O'Hara I've been your game master this week playing tacoma dome the barbarian abdulaziz goodbye playing ving the half-elf druid Paul Oppers take care playing fabula the halfling thief jessica ty hi everyone thanks to aaron reed for our intro and outro music thanks to adam coble and sage latora for Dungeon World hey thanks to lamp black and brimstone for perilous wiles I had a lot of fun with this this time and thank you to all of you for listening you can find us at Spout Lore most places on the internet including the link in the description box below and you can find us on patreon.com and find the Spout Lore fan club on facebook see you next time and so ends the tale of adventures three who tried the best they can though dumb and scared and lost they be for times abreast in revelry and though our journey may be like a conclusion we will not leave you without a resolution return next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores and for you I'd gladly Spout Lore

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes, noble and bold. A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old. You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring. So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing. Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight. Fingers have health, he shifts his shape, and wields a spear with great might. Billy's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart.

Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts. So gather round friends, and listen close, for the tale's about to start. Welcome to Spout Lore. I'm your guest. I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara. And with me as always, playing Tacoma Dome, the… I thought I was doing so well. You fucking idiot, I hate you. I thought I was doing so well. I don't know, there was a creak in the chair. I was like, it's a nice, smooth, calm intro. And I fucked it up instantly.

That's so funny. Playing Tacoma Dome, the barbarian, Abdulaziz. Hello everybody. Playing Fat Billy, the halfling thief, Jessica Tai. Hello everybody. And playing Ving, the half-elf druid, Paul Oppers. Hi there. When last we left our heroes, they sailed the ocean blue. They left hither and yon, the… Folk duo. Yeah, the itinerant folk duo. Now the on again, off again, haunt of Chimes the sailor to find the itinerant wizard, Perel. He's in the wind.

Supposedly at a pillar in the Sea of Graves known as the Eye of the Storm, which is the center of the Sea of Graves. It's kind of been suggested. Yeah, it's the nexus point for the storm. The weird shit that's going on. Yeah. Yeah, it's the pillar is pulling things from different realities. It kind of sounds like to create the storm. I didn't think about that, but that would be cool too. That sounds cool. Because I think it was Jessica described it as like clouds like coming down. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, I thought of them like swirling down. It's like just sucking all this like energy and power from it. Oh, so yeah, maybe that is connected to like other worlds. Yeah. Yeah, it could be. And on that voyage where they were given loan of Chimes' skiff, the Calm, they set off to find Perel at the Eye of the Storm. Also, supposedly the roost of the King of the Thunderbirds. Allegedly. Allegedly. Pretty cool. And on that voyage saw a big crab and escaped. Saw a big dragon. Talked to it.

Received a scale. A mother of pearl scale. Perel. From the dragon, whose name was Cerulean Depths, seen from Great Heights. Pretty cool name for a dragon. Thank you. Yeah. Who agreed to see what she could do to find out where Perel might be in exchange for telling people how amazing she is. Yeah. Yeah. You were going to go around and spread the word. The shine of the mother of pearl scale acts as a mirror to her greatness. Oh. Oh, yeah. Beautiful. That's a lyric in a song. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's a lyric in a song. Remember that for next time. Yeah. Also, you guys failed like a lot of roles. Do we? Yeah. That doesn't sound like us. You failed a bunch. Weird. You were trying to do spelt lores and discern realities and all this to figure out about the… Right. To find… Learn stuff about the dragon and it was just like fail, fail, fail. I love it.

And the last thing that happened was in the distance, you saw the lights of what looked like a town built up around a pillar. And that is where we find you now. You are just bobbing around in the water. And you have spotted lights in the distance. What do you do? Should we like go there? I don't know. I'm kind of hungry. Yeah. You smell in there. Yeah. Oh, God. I smell fries. It's quite far away.

It's one of those things where you know how when you see lights really far away, they kind of shimmer. And based on all the failures you had at the end of last session, Tuck, as you're looking at these lights in the distance, you feel a rustling in your beard. Who's Russell? Russell is gently tickling your beard. There's a man. There's a man named Russell crouched underneath you, tickling your chin going, hi. But you feel the brass ring braided into your beard moving ever so slightly.

Discern realities. I want to discern my beard. Discern realities. 2D6 plus wisdom. Three. How quick that failure came. That might have been a rancor. What a great start. Okay. Yeah. So Tuck. Here's what happens. So he feels like he's in the middle of the road. He's like, I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Submerged during the crash and how awful it felt how like biting cold how oppressive the pressure of the ocean and how aggressively it was dragging you down but this close to the boat it doesn't feel that it's easier to swim for one thing so you find yourself kind of a piss in the water and then you're dragged immediately 50 feet down the disrespect the sea of graves feels cannot be overstated I throw him a rope well so here's what happens you your head pops up above the surface of the water you see your friends and the boat and you think lucky me and you turn to the right looking the way that you came and see a massive wall of clouds rolling hard coming at you as fast as it possibly can faster than you could believe and it appears the storm of the sea of graves has found you I so yeah you're gonna be able to get on but the storm is gonna overtake you shit because you have failed all of you a lot yeah for so long so much fail you failed like incredibly thank you so you get on the boat and you start moving like you remember how to use the runes because you're getting used to them now the runes used to pilot the boat we've kind of just been using one rune which is move yeah which is wind forward yeah it's like when you give an old person a smartphone and they're like but which one of these is the telephone and you're like I've been fucking texting you dad what the fuck is wrong how did you not figure this out yeah yeah so you are able to get back in the boat and get moving the storm is moving at an incredible rate and as the winds pick up as the storm gets closer you see the wind in your sails drop away and you're like oh my god I'm gonna die I'm gonna die like while the wind is blowing at you the wind in your sails is almost being taken away from you so you're doing everything you can to get this boat moving you're like pulling on lines and the boats rocking back and forth and then smearing random runes just touching every shape jack in the box pops up in the back why would you have this rune on here this way it just turned it turns to cheese for like a second and then back and you're like what the fuck the boat turned to no no no that's stupid he's like was that cheese and before you get there you're like oh my god I'm gonna die and then you're like oh my god I'm gonna die and then you're like oh my god I'm gonna die you're able to get truly underway the storm is upon you the area around you goes dark and the sound of the wind is almost deafening there's lightning crashing in the distance but the runes on the boat are keeping the area immediately around you relatively calm but it's incredibly hard to see so what do you do should I call upon the bird see if I can see through his eyes yeah totally I'm gonna try and see through the bird's eyes uh you don't need to roll for that you can just see through the bird's eyes and you're like oh my god I'm gonna die and then you're like oh my god I'm gonna die and then you're like oh my god I'm gonna die and then you're like oh my god I'm what do your bird's eyes see where has your bird been where do you think your bird would be hanging out on the tops okay so is it nearby do you think no because remember he took he told him to go rest so he went to a rookery far far away okay so are there other birds here there are I believe you so yeah you just see through the bird's eyes he's doing that like nestle bird thing where his wings are folded up and his talons are folded up underneath him and there are like three or four other thunderbirds nearby with different markings different sizes and well are you trying to communicate with the bird yeah I guess just like asking him for help because we need help navigating and he's good for travel he is though stubborn yep so you get this resistance when you're thinking about like please come help me like please the bird's like ah I like you get the feeling that I don't think I'm quite done resting I just want to stay here I just want to I just got settled in a bigger bird is barfing into his mouth it's just like I cannot leave we're about to start barfing into each other's mouths I don't want to miss that yeah this is shrimp scampi so the bird will come to you it's gonna just take a while okay so yeah what are you guys doing like you are in the middle of the storm can I like put my hands in the water to like try to feel like are we still going in the right direction yeah like a discern realities to me okay also your beard is pulling you even though you failed it yeah I can still kind of feel which direction we're going so that sounds like an aid oh my god doesn't even matter holy shit how are we doing this oh my god this is just this is just we're getting back into it god we're cursed okay so another storm comes along a bigger storm comes and beats up the storm that was chasing you at first we're like yeah we're gonna be okay but then we're like yay thanks I'm the storm now oh no so oh man so how does billy fail um bad badly by the way trying to think of something where I don't die that's a good place to start okay so billy's leaning over the side to put his hands in the water what would be a devastating thing for billy to lose his hands I mean a shark swims up bite both your hands off um well what what would be a devastating thing for billy to lose his hands what else could I lose the fanny pack no what mirrors isn't in it francis isn't in it that's true yeah I could lose the fanny pack but that's the fucking vase yeah oh sorry I really wish you didn't tell me that it's the fanny pack it's got a fucking monster in it oh my god okay so I I'm like I have got my fucking guitar in it I'm sorry oh you have all the towels I stole fuck okay yeah lean over the boat and like I really have my porcinis oh okay so yeah billy leans over yeah billy leans over and because he really has to reach he's like hanging like most of his body over into the water and he has to like force himself back and the boat catches the bag and rips it off yeah and sploosh right into the water into the water sinks into the midnight black waters of the sea of graves I throw up because I'm so scared to tell talking thing that I lost the bag oh billy you're sick bud oh do you want some ginger here I've got some ginger I lost the bag sorry what I lost the bag the bag fell off is that another word for saying I threw up no you lost the tent billy the vase was in the tent I know all of our stuff was in the I'm so sorry ving turns around is like you deal with this I can't even right now I I kneeled down and I picked billy up but I'm like hey it's fine no it's not it's fine I know you're lying to me I'm patting him on the back and I'm like it's okay like I'm sure we could find another extra dimensional house billy no billy it's better that you're safe no it's not And then I lift his raccoon skin shirt up And I blow a raspberry on his belly Don't do that It makes me feel worse I take a granola out of my backpack And I give it to him Okay I love that all this is happening As the boat is like bucking back and forth Hey, this is important Yeah He has to understand that Just because he loses a thing Of great value Doesn't mean we're mad at him Right, Ving?

Mad? It's good that Billy's safe, right, Ving?

Well, I mean, of course But he was safe before he lost the fucking bag No, it's cool And it's just stuff As this conversation is happening You're all like having a family moment A teaching moment And you feel the boat get shoved to the side Oh, shit And you can see on the edge of the field Oh, shit Oh, shit Oh, shit Oh, shit Oh, shit Oh, shit Oh, shit Oh, shit Oh, shit Oh, shit Oh, shit Oh, shit Oh, shit Oh, shit Oh, shit Oh, shit Oh, shit Oh, shit Oh, shit You can see around Like on the edge of the field That the runes create on the boat You can see fingers of the storm pushing through What?

Like basically like a little wisp of storm cloud Pushing through closer It looks like the storm is trying to bust through Whatever magical field the runes are creating Oh, it's moving in through the field of calm It's trying to get at you Oh Oh, we gotta get out of here Forget about the bag Yeah, what do you do? Oh, shit Doesn't Ving know some roomies? Runes? Can he carve a new rune? Tell me, man. I want to carve a rune with my crystal fingers. A rune of a lighthouse rune. Oh, sick. Yeah.

That's a really cool idea. I was thinking the rune makes the home fires burn brighter. That's what it looks like. Yeah, I like the idea that it helps illuminate where you want to go. We're trying to go. How would you know? What if it's like you know a not as old rune as what's on there? Oh, yeah. Urban dictionary rune.

Yeah, I think with a successful role of a Spout Lore or a defied danger, and if you told me how you knew this stuff, like where you learned it, then there could be a case made for you altering runes or something like that. Although Chimes probably isn't going to be super happy that you're altering the runes on his boat. When would you have learned runes? Would it be from your mom or from your dad? It would have been from his dad. Oh, that's cool.

Because the runes were used by the royal families. Oh, yeah. We talked about rune magic way, way back in the Mudlark adventure as being based on dialects of Elven. So sick. It's sort of like when royalty learns Latin and stuff like that. Yeah. Yeah. Give me a 2d6 plus intelligence for Spout Lore. Okay, no problem. Are you sure about that? Six. Failed. Eight. How? Maybe Billy has seen runes before or knows. Billy's probably seen them before.

I wonder if maybe people could have carved random runes throughout the place he grew up. Maybe even when he was a tree, they'd been carved on him. Oh, yeah. That'd be kind of cool. That is really cool. Yeah, people would carve eons ago runes like an offering or a prayer to the sun to come out. And they would do that on trees as a way to encourage the light. You know, like in Ireland, Ogham? Yeah, totally.

Yeah, so like the ancient Celts, they had a language that was only written and they wrote it on wood. And it was a very organic scrawl. So it's even older than the… The runes that Ving knows. So Billy's like, I can't translate it, but this is what it looked like. Yeah, because you know what the precursor language looked like. Ving's able to be like, that was the one. That one. Small circle with a big circle and then a line going up. Yeah. Cool. Wow, guys. This is unbelievable. Holy fuck. Fuck.

Fuck. How are these rolls so… It's such a sick story, too. So what happens? I don't know. Oh, you know what? I wonder if… Like the boat just rocks to… Like it bucks again and like… As he's carving it? Yeah. Totally. And he screws up and does the wrong rune. Yeah. Yeah, it's like he's carving and the boat bucks and his hand slips and carves through like other runes on the boat. Shit. Well, it is a hard fail. So something bad has to happen to you. I wonder if like the…

Like the shield of calm splits a bit. I think on a hard fail, like it has to be… Like there's a consequence. Oh, like one of us has to take damage or something? It might be all of you take some damage. Like the storm comes in and like… And it's just battering you. Like it's battering all three of you. Okay. Shit. Yeah, that's fine. Take damage. Yeah. Okay. D10. Oh, six. Oh, man. Five. Three. Okay. Okay.

Pillars of cloud break through the area of calm surrounding the skiff and the wind just whips up in volume and in intensity. And you're all… And you're all… And you're all battered around. It feels like shards of something are coming through the wind. Ice. Slicing. Oh, yeah. Ice. Oh, like hail? Shit. It hurts so much. Yeah. Yeah. They're hitting you like fucking pistol shot. Like it's just… Birdshot. Yeah. Wow. So you're like bleeding, like tucked blood runs into your eye. Oh, man.

And it's just a really fucking bad situation. So it's kind of a now or never thing, guys. You got to find a way to get through. How long is it going to take for the bird to get here? Oh, the bird. Yeah. It's on its way. I was going to say I could try a scape route, but the bird is on its way. Oh, a scape route, though. A scape route is very relevant. We can use the bird that can come into play. Can you read me a scape route again? Yeah.

When you're in too deep and need a way out, which we do, name your escape route and roll plus dexterity. On a 10 plus, you're gone. On a seven to nine, you can stay or go. But if you go, it costs you. Leave something behind or take something with you. The GM will tell you what. Is this like a Billy magic kind of thing? Yeah. Maybe he is so scared for everyone. Yeah. Because he's coming fully into his identity as a fairy. His control over his magic is becoming stronger, probably. Yeah.

And because it's so instinctual, he's so afraid right now. Yeah. It's a total flight or fight thing. Yeah. All right. Man, I'm so glad that you took a scape route before this session. Yeah. I figured I'd need it. This is it. This is it. Two to six plus. Dexterity. Nine. I don't know if anyone's aid. Yeah. Yeah. The bird. The bird. The bird. So it's still going to be a bond roll for you. So two to six plus bond, but the bird will come. Oh, my God. Give me that one. Ten. Yes. Oh, good God. Wow.

Shit. Fuck yeah. Yeah. What a fucked up situation. So how does Billy do this? How does Billy find the way? I don't know. I just kind of imagine if magic were to be pulsing out of him and maybe the bird feels it or. Oh, yeah. Because we were talking about how the thunderbirds are attracted to the sea of graves because of the magical field there. And that's why they roost at the eye of the storm. So they navigate using the magic field.

Maybe in that moment, I wish Perel was there and I'm calling out to him and then the bird comes instead. Yeah. Yeah. So is that like? Yeah. Yeah. Like Ving through the eyes of the bird, like you can feel how it identifies wind currents sort of instinctually. And as it's plunging through this absolute pitch black storm, you can feel it sense a magical current in the direction that you know the boat to be.

And just as the storm is like cracking through this room, you can feel you can hear wood on the boat splintering as runes on the boat are destroyed by the storm by the storm. Whoa. And just. Just as the storm is starting to get you, the Thunderbird appears above you. Wings spread wide, talons bite into the prow of the boat, and it beats its powerful wings through this wall of cloud. Ah! There is like another 30, 40 minutes where you're all just basically cowering in the bottom of this boat.

And eventually, after a long, scary time, you hear closer than you expected. Clang, clang. Clang, clang. Clang, clang. We look around. I want a light. I want to have a light. Do I have a light? Do we have a light? Can you start a fire? Adventuring gear? Oh, you have Tuck's axe. Axe. Axe light up. Axe light. Yeah. So I pull the axe off my back and I hold it up. Cool. The amethyst light pulses through the clouds. And you hear, ship, ship in the distance.

And the bird pulls you further into the storm. And eventually, you hear. A splash next to you. And you look. There's a rope going off into the clouds. And there's a heavy metal hook on the end of it. That starts to sink out of sight. I grab the hook. Defy danger. Dexterity to grab the hook in time. Okay. Eight. Okay. The hook is getting reeled in so quickly. You reach into the water. You grab this heavy iron hook.

And it's getting reeled up so fast that you don't think you'll have time to actually hook it into the boat. The only way is to hold on. Okay. Yeah. I grab. I grab. I grab. I grab. I grab. I grab. That thing that Captain America. The Winter Soldier. Yeah. Where he grabs the helicopter. But instead, I'm grabbing the hook and the boat. Yeah. Oh, so sick. Defy danger strength. Defy danger strength. Okay. Nine. Plus an eight. Yeah, sure. What's this eight look like? Rubbing his shoulders.

No, come on. We're holding on back and grabbing onto Tuck and holding onto the boat. One for each leg. Or yeah. Or you guys could climb up so I don't have to hold you. And the fucking boat together. Oh, true. Maybe I'm like, can you fucking climb up a little bit? Oh, sorry. Okay. That's so funny. Yeah. Okay. 2D6 plus bond. Oh, nice. Eight. For both of us? No, just for one. Only one person can aid. Right, yeah. Can they though? That's the one thing that I still have.

The one thing I've held on to is only one person can aid. Not until my compendium class of GM comes through. No. So yeah, with that, Billy and Ving start climbing up the rope? Yeah. Okay. So you start yanking up the rope and you grab onto a bench and you just grab on with all your strength on the other side and you feel the rope get pulled taut and then you feel the boat start lifting out of the water and you're just straining bicep, tricep. So much muscle straining.

You can feel things like borderline popping in your chest. How is it that, that Tuck can like carry a huge cow and throw it so easily and then a tiny boat, he's like, It's magic boat. It's a little thing called narrative convenience. Whatever. But it does make it easier now that Billy and Ving are out of the boat. You could see like all the veins in my neck popping. I'm like, ew. Yeah, and you're getting reeled up the side of something.

Yeah, the boat is fucking scraping along the side of the pillar and me too. It's that thing where, like when you're, like it's like the, the, like the line is like going out a bit and then slamming it to the side of the pillar. It's scratching up the boat pretty bad. It's like when you borrow your uncle's car and crash it. We've all done that.

And just, just as you think you can't possibly hold onto this boat any longer, thunk, thunk, more hooks are set into the side of the boat and on the other side and it's reeled up to like a steady level and lashed onto a few supports. Is, am I, have I gone onto the top? You feel yourself like on a platform. Okay. And you hear a voice going like, this way, this way. Like pushing you in a direction and you're, you just.

Oh, there's somebody like, you get the feeling there's someone right next to you and they're pushing you. I yell at them. Hello. Hello. Time for peasantries. Watch where I'm going to storm, mate. What? Time for peasantries. Where was I in the storm? I can't understand his storm accent. Me neither. You don't have to push us. You can just tell us where to go. Oh. Stay ahead. Stay ahead. We are.

And you're shuffled along into total darkness and you hear slam and the winds quiet down and you hear and then a lantern lights and you're in a small stone lined room. There's a wooden door set into one side that's rattling and there is a very small, very skinny man in front of you. He's got like really stubbly, face. He's got thinning hair on his head, a ratty vest and pants. And he goes, now tell me who you are, what you're doing in the storm. How did you lift us onto the boat? I look at him.

It's a pulley. Oh. Pulley system. It's like a simple machine. Okay. You just don't look very strong. I'm not. I don't want to live here, kid. My bad. Tuck is like cramped into the room. Yeah. Like, both my arms are touching either side of the room and I'm hunched over of this like hallway. And I'm like, hey, can we get into a bigger room or all of your rooms this size? Oh, it's the closest room. This is the closest room. We don't have rooms. Come on. Okay. Thanks. What's your name?

My name is Evan. Evan? Evan. Okay. Hi, Evan. Thank you for saving us. All right. No problem. Anybody on the storm deserves saving. Storm, don't. Sorry. Just for like listeners, if it can be like a little more understanding, I was going to say the same thing. I was like, I genuinely hope this one guy has a speech disability or something. No, I hope. Yeah. I thought maybe he was going to die soon. And he, okay. He takes his retainer out. Well, sorry. Sorry. I have Invisalign. Sorry.

I was wearing a mouth guard. The storm's really dangerous. Storm is bad. I'm so glad that you're inside now. Oh, this is a better guy. My name is Evan. No, this ratty man pushes you through a door that was set in the other side of the room into a larger hall with lanterns. And there are like probably a dozen people in here all eating by lantern light out of rough wooden bowls. And they all look up and turn as you come into this room. What do you do?

Kind sailors, shelter us from the storm and feed us of your wares. Our boy is but very hungry. Yes, what he says is true. Hi. Hi. And a very tall, very lean man in a long coat comes up and says, Welcome, travelers, to the town of Flotsam. Town? Yes. Many people wash ashore in these seas and many find themselves here at Flotsam. Alive? Some, yes. Some, no. Some, kind of halfway. How long have you guys been here for? Oh, countless years. But now that you are here, you are safe.

All we ask in return is a trinket here and there. So you want us to pay you for saving us? We have no need for your currency. There is no commerce in Flotsam. So it's a barter system? You guys use a barter system? Really? Shiny things? Yes. Shiny things, useful things, edible things. We have not much to eat here in Flotsam. There is no arable land surrounding our pillars. Oh, no. I don't have any arable land on me. I'd love to give you some arable land.

What about this cup that fills with weird stuff? Oh. Oh. That's pretty useful. Yeah. For a town that, like, has nothing, no food, that'd be a pretty good trade. What about this? Magic cup? Cup. Oh. It seems to fill randomly when you set it down. Sometimes it's food. Sometimes it's potions, which you could find a lot of use for. Potions, you say? Something. Of the magical variety? Perhaps. And he takes the cup and he kind of looks at it, sniffs it, pokes it.

Put it down on the ground or on the table. He puts it on a wooden table next to him and it fills with the liquid and he looks at it with disinterest. And Ving pours it out. Now watch this. Puts it down. He looks at it with absolute interest. Absolute disinterest. But he picks it up and says, I suppose this will do. What the fuck are you talking about? That was like amazing. There's a whole other liquid in here. Many things wash ashore and flotsam. Show me one.

And he pulls out a watch, like a pocket watch. He clicks the top, it flips open and then he twists it and it goes backwards and his hair starts growing longer on his head. Oh my God, you have an opposite haircut watch. Oh yeah, you've got a haircut watch. Fucking great, man. Yeah, where are you going to find another one of these cups? This will do for you, sir. What? No, this is for payment for all of us. I think not. It's from all of us. Each will need to pay their own way here in Flotsam.

Three travelers, one cup. That's what you get. Oh yeah, we're going to parlay. There you go. Amazing. Fucking finally. All right, so what are you offering? A kiss. That's what, that's what Tuck does before Billy says anything. He's like, he like leans into the guy. He's like, what do you need me to do, man? I'll do whatever you want. Just fucking, just take the cup and let us in. I'll cut your hair while you want me to do it.

So your haircut was, I guess the watch probably does that for you, huh? What do you need? I'll cut it. I'll do whatever you want, man. You want a French braid? Just give me a kiss. Tuck's so tight. He's delirious from having to carry a fucking ship up the side of the ship. He's like, he still has a chunk of the ship that broke off in his hands. He's clutching. Might have got a concussion on the way up. It's hard to say.

So when this negotiation does start happening, you say a kiss and he goes, oh, now that is interesting. Plus charisma. Oh yeah. Cool. Eight. Eight. On an eight, what is that? On a seven to nine, they need some concrete assurance of your promise right now. So what if we just kiss? Hold on. Hold on. I grab him. I'm like, this is what you got to look forward to. And I pull. He puts his hand up right in your lips. And I kiss the hand. Yeah. He says, now hold on. Okay.

Pull him close to you so that he kisses on the other side of his own hand. Yeah. And I'm like, as it's the hand is pushed up against my face and his face. I'm like, go on. But a single kiss from you, brave warrior, will do for the two of you provided. And he pulls out another, another metal thing that flips open and it's a compact mirror. And he says, right here, please. You want me to kiss the mirror? Kiss the mirror. This seems weird. Well, that is the price. Okay.

Guarantee me that nothing weird is going to happen. I promise you will not come to harm in the walls of Flotsam. Okay. In the walls of Flotsam. Listen to that, Tuck. The warning. In the walls. So you're saying I have to stay here if I kiss the mirror? Prison mirror kiss. Riddle, bitch. Does it steal our souls? Riddle me this, bitch. This is the price. You place your lips upon this mirror or you face the dangers of the storm. I'm out. Billy just walks outside, dives into the water and dies.

Cannonball. Fuck you, riddle, bitch. I'm dying. Are you, wait, what does Billy actually do? Billy is just like, he really thinks that like this mirror is going to steal our soul. And actually, Tuck agrees. So I'm trying to work my magic with this guy. And I'm like, okay, but what kind of kiss do you want us to give it? The kiss that you would lay upon a lover's cheek. Just tongue then? I'd go in tongue first. Oh, a cheek. Yeah. I go in tongue first. I don't connect lips at all.

And then I salivate a lot down the tongue. Uh-huh. Your tongue moves so fast. Yeah. And then I give him a wink. As long as your lips touch the silver of this mirror, you are welcome to stay. I give it a tongue touch. That's all you're getting from us, weird man. And I'm like, good enough? Your lips. No. Fine. No, Tuck. Don't do it. I, like, Tuck is like just frustrated and I'm like, but this means I'm never kissing you. Agreed. Good.

Tuck, Tuck kisses the mirror so hard he pushes it into his mouth. And then I, I lick it out of my mouth and I give it back to him. I'm like, enjoy that. He takes it very, he puts a handkerchief over his hand and places it into his hand and snaps it shut. Puts it in an inside pocket. What are you gonna do with that? It is merely a price. It's like a fee. All right, we paid the fee. Now give us something to eat. Now, see, that is a problem. Oh my fucking God.

Things like, okay, I'll kiss whatever you want. Starts undoing the guy's fly. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, not necessary. We can provide meager sustenance. Yeah, fuck that. We need it all. We gave you everything we have. Who gives me a cup and a kiss? Including Tuck's soul, which you definitely just put away. I don't think that's… It's worth at least one bowl of oatmeal or whatever the hell you guys want. I don't think that's worth it. I don't think that's worth it.

What are the guys eating? Yeah, we look at the bowls. What are they eating? It's like gruel, basically. Do these gruels come in different, like, spicinesses? Do you warm the paste up? How hot's the paste? And you see over… The paste is being heated up over a fire in a cauldron. That's a warm paste. I'll take it. Mild, please. Very well. And can you make my extra spicy paste? Spices. Those were the days. And he takes you over to a table, sets you down, and puts a bowl of paste in front of you.

It's a small bowl. It's like one third full. It is not enough for the three of you. Wait, one bowl each or one bowl? One bowl. Bill, you eat the paste. No, I'm not going to eat. No, I can't do it. Billy. No, Billy is not eating the food. He starts crying. Oh, no. Yeah, he just puts his head down and starts to cry. No, I don't want to eat this. It's not enough for anybody. It's not even enough for a small baby. Not enough for you. Not even a small cat or chicken.

I'm just going to eat the table instead. Billy slams his face down. Yeah. And you can see like his tongue just like doing circle. Making bite marks. It turns into chocolate. With my magic. Oh, the switcheroo. Can I use it? Yeah, I mean, yeah, you certainly can. Fuck yeah. Do you remember how it works? 10 plus works 100%. Yeah, seven to nine. Pick one of three. Effect works for all. Lasts for a long time. Keeps control. Fuck it. Worth the risk. Plus charisma, I believe. Seven.

So which one do you choose? Effect works for all. Oh, thanks. So we can have a bite of the table? Yeah. Yeah. So that means that by not keeping control, Billy is like touching this table. Like I want to turn it into food and it starts turning into chocolate. And then that effect spreads out from where Billy touches. Oh, and the whole table starts turning into chocolate. Uh, tuck you like fall onto the ground as your ass just smashes through this chocolate table. Fuck.

And people are like lifting up their bowls and shouting. And they're seeing Billy eat this table. And they start eating the table. And all the tables in the room start turning into food. Oh, shit. And everyone is fucking freaking out. There are people just gorging on these tables. Slow down. You'll get a tummy ache. And they're just like a gift. Finally. Oh, relief. Sweet solace. And they're all running all over the place, eating this food, trying to figure out what's going on.

And the tall skinny man comes up to you and goes, what have you done? And I look at him like, and I pick a random loser. And I'm like, that guy just did magic. Who do I pick? I pick a random one. You just point. I pointed a random guy. It's just a guy with like dark skin and a long, thin mustache. And he's pretty chubby and he's going nuts on a bench. And I was like, that weirdo just turned everything into chocolate. And he looked, he looks up and he's got chocolate all over his face.

He's like, and the skinny guy looks at him and goes, Hubert, Hubert perform magic. I believe not. Can I try and convince him? I, you could certainly, I feel like not. Cause I mean, he, it's clear what he immediately says. This guy's name. He knows everybody here. Like you're not going to be able to convince them that one of them is a magician. Fine. I did. Cause you guys wouldn't give us enough. Food. And I was so hungry. I shoved chocolate in my mouth.

And he gets down on one knee and he gets close to you as you're eating this chocolate. He says, child, what is this? An ability that you possess to create food where there was none before. I mean, only when I'm really hungry and like, no one's going to give me anything else. Then sometimes, yeah, I'll eat grass and other stuff. What other, and then being like, Billy, what other stuff? Have you been eating stuff? I don't know. Like it's hard.

Sometimes we're on a walk and we didn't bring snacks or, you know, there's lots of like, like rocks. Billy, what? You have to stop eating rocks. No, no. This was the thing we were dealing with like two seasons ago. Yeah. Billy's his stomach's full of rocks. Like Billy, this is why your shits are so hard. No, you're a wizard, not a gizzard. Uh, uh, the man listens to this and he says, child, please focus, pay attention. What? Is this an ability that you can replicate? Yes, sir. I can do it.

If there. He's doing the accent. His authoritative accent. Whatever Billy directs an adult, he does it. Yes. Yes, sir. It is I, a big boy. I could, I could do this for sure. It just might take me some effort. Why do you like chocolate? He closes his eyes and he looks down. He says, child, there's one thing. Don't touch the kid. Don't touch our kid. You weirdo. And he takes his hand off. It's a chocolate fingerprint. I mean, he's covered in chocolate.

Now there's one thing that people have lots of. Haven't common. It is that we are lost. And if there are two things, it is that we are hungry. Can you keep naming things? But if it were three, it would be toilet paper. We need it. And if there was a fourth, it is. It. Is deep appreciation for live improvised theater. And if there is three more things, it is that we are big and tall. That counts as one, that we are Mark's work warehouse. The last one.

It is that we are afraid, but you represent the three of you are a gift from the heavens. You could be our saviors. You are welcome in flotsam for as long as you desire to stay, and you will be treated as Kings. High five, low five to Billy. Yeah. Hello. Five. So give him a little five. Low five. Please. Do you require lodgings? Yeah. Yes. Very well. And he smiles and he stands up to his full height, which is shorter than tuck, but still pretty tall. And he says, come with me. Okay.

What's your name? Cliff seeker. Cool. So sick. Like first name. Cliff last name seeker or whole name. Cliff seeker. It's a mononym. Oh, I go by cliff seeker or cliff. That's probably tell you cliff or Siki sometimes. No, okay. No. Okay. Very well. Siki is pretty cute. Yeah. Thank you. I thought so. It was weird. And he smooths his hair on his head this way. Can you describe this guy more?

Like, cause I imagined him with like white skin and long white hair, but then I realized that was imagining like the vampire from twilight. And then I was like, that's not what Sean said. Well, I mean, I was thinking that he, I think that his hair is like dirty blonde and it's very lank and he's got it in a, in a ponytail. You said it was thinning. No, that was the other guy. That was the other guy, uh, Evan, who you guys fucking hated. So he's off doing whatever.

His voice is just hard to, I know. I hope that he fell off the thing and died. Uh, yeah. Somebody opens the door and says, Cliff seeker, Evan is dead and then slams the door and walks. Hey, I hated having to understand that. I was like, I hated having to understand what he said. Oh, this guy sounds a lot like him. It's his brother. You're next. Bevum. Uh, yeah, he's, he's really tall. He's really skinny. He has very fine clothes of an outdated style, but they're ratty as fuck.

They're fought their threadbare. They're falling apart. It's like a king's robes that like are a hundred years old kind of, and he's got really short pants with really high stockings. Yeah. And like little buckly pants. Yeah. And he's got really short buckly shoes. Oh, he looks like, like someone from like a Napoleonic era painting. Kind of. Yeah. Cool. Something that you do notice is there is a huge variety of people here. They look like they're from all over.

There's a centaur in the corner, just like smashing a table. Hello. Did you make the table? He's so good. And they're all have a very strange way of dressing. It's inconsistent. Everybody's kind of wearing totally different, totally different styles of clothing. Cause they all washed up here from different places. Yeah. What times? You want to spell lower that? So he, I mean, you could discern realities. You could spell lower.

If you want to learn more, Billy remembers seeing people a long time ago who looked like that, who would sometimes visit. And he's like, if you roll, Oh, does it make sense that it would be spelt lower or discern realities? It's about lower. Okay. So it's intelligence. So 10. Okay. So 10. Yeah. Billy, you have memories of like a very fancy family coming through the halfling lands, you know, like a driver and a horse and a very fancy man and a fancy woman in the back.

Uh, but that memory was so long ago, hundreds of years. And that it's like an exact match for the clothing that this guy's wearing. Yeah. He was watching the carriage come up along with the other like street kids or another farmer's kids. And we were like, wow, so fancy. They look so cool. And Billy's like, it's not very cool. Looks dumb. Actually, stupid socks. Billy's like, this is cool. And he picks up a stick with a piece of dog shit on it. Stupid.

So, yeah, that was easily, I mean, Billy doesn't know exact dates, but for our purposes, easily 200 years ago, like this is a, a very outdated style of clothing that was from a long time ago from the principal. Yeah. Yeah. So the pre Exodus event. Oh, certainly. Wow. Yeah. This is like aristocracy of like at least two centuries ago. The Exodus was like firm chronologically 90 years ago. Yeah. Or at least that, that was the end of the event.

It was probably a slow rollout over a few years before it got like catastrophic. So he's, he leads you out of the main room where everybody was eating and he takes you into very tight corridors. Sorry. I just have a question about the town. Oh yeah. Is it built in side of the pillar or out on the outsides? As far as you can tell, you're still on the outside of the pillar. Is it like one wall is stone and the other one's wood? You see stone once in a while, but a lot of it's wood. Okay.

So it's built out of a bunch of varied materials, wood, stone, metal, whatever they can find basically. And he's leading you through all of these corridors and there's like rattling windows and some floorboards sometimes like Creek and you can feel wind blow against your leg. And he's doing, and he's doing a very walk and talk. Aaron Sorkin style. Flotsam is a town that is said to have existed forever. Things wash ashore, people wash ashore and we all find ourselves here together safe as one.

The sea of graves is a dangerous mistress. We are the detritus of a thousand fights, et cetera, et cetera. I was looking forward to that exposition. So I, if you want to just do it, like do a little speech, I'm into it. I'm going to, okay, I'm going to call what he's going to tell you about this town and we can ask questions as he's talking. Yes, absolutely.

So he says, no one knows quite when Flotsam was founded, but that its foundation was a time of solace and an act of mercy by its original inhabitants. Who are the original inhabitants? No one can say how, how long have you been here? And I point at him and he gets this like far off look in his eye. It says the sea of graves is a mysterious, mysterious and dangerous place. We simply live moment by moment. The sun rises and falls seemingly at random.

We have lived our lives as we have lived them for as long as we have lived them. And that is all we can say. Has anyone ever tried to leave? Many have tried and all have failed. Failed how? They don't return or they come back dead? Sometimes they leave and they sink into the clouds, never to be seen. Or sometimes their corpses wash ashore. So you don't know if anybody's made it or not? Hard to say. Except for the ones that are dead. You know they did. Except the ones that are dead.

Most find it an eat- Did you eat them? Me? No. Did others? I cannot speak for what people have done in times of desperation. We got a cannibal Ewok village here. I can say that I have never personally condoned or turned a blind eye to an act of cannibalism. Okay. You truly just came out and said, have we eaten people? And I can tell you, jury's out. Are you like the mayor of this town? He laughs a little bit and says, no, no, there is no such thing as a leader.

An individual merely rises when a situation occurs. New visitors are not common in Flotsam. And I thought that it was in my best interests and in the best interests of our town to approach you and see what you needed. But now that we have such a resource in the form of this small child and his ability to create such a- All right, all right, all right. From seemingly nothing. Yeah, totally. Perhaps we can finally make a life for ourselves that is stable and safe.

And he's taking you through a variety of rooms. Like you go in, there's like the kitchen, there's a tannery, there's like a place where someone's sewing clothes. Oh, and Tuck, actually, you walk into a room and you see another structure through a small door. What does a place of worship look like? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

You walk into a room and you see another structure through a small door. What does a place of worship for the God of the Flame look like? Oh, it's a fireplace basically. It's like a continuously burning fire. They never let it go out. They will at specific points throughout the day burn saffron and say a prayer to the Lord of the Flame. That's really interesting. Are there like priests? Or the equivalent? Yeah.

Okay, so you look through this door and you see a brazier to the god of the flame and you see a priest tending this fire and it's just straight up a McCollin man tending an everlasting flame to the god of the flame. And you carry on? I guess I should talk to him. Well, I don't know. I'm just saying there's somebody here that is of a religion that Tuck is familiar with that he probably hasn't seen in a long time. Yeah. I hang back to talk to him for a second. And he turns and his eyes widen.

He goes, hello. I'm like, hi. Hi. We're talking McCollin right now. Yeah, absolutely. And I'm like, so you're from McColl? I am. You're from McColl? Yeah. We shipwrecked in the Sea of Graves. He honestly, like, he's a very small, he looks kind of similar to the torch of McColl, but like more fatherly. Like he's softer. He's still skinny because everybody's skinny, but he's not like a warrior. He's wearing like the white kind of like robe. Yeah. He's got the big beard. It's all ratty.

A lot of gray. Yeah, his robe is tattered. And he places his hands on either of your shoulders and he hugs you. I feel uncomfortable for a second, but I give him a hug back. And I like pat him on the back. It'll be okay. It will. It will. I cannot tell you how glad it makes my heart that you survived that storm. Wait, you, you were on the purifier? The purifier? No. What? The purifier was out there? Yeah. Where? When? It was, it was off the coast of Crystal Bay. Like I had two yesterday.

What happened to it? It was pretty damaged. And he does a little gesture that's like wording off negative influences. Yeah. He goes, a tragedy. Merely a year at sea. I'm destroyed. So a year at sea. Yeah. The, the, the purifier is like at least like 80 years old. Okay. Yeah. So has this guy been here for 80 years? He, he doesn't know. He doesn't say anything. Okay. I'm like, what's your name? Corral. Corral. Yeah. Okay. I'm Tuck. It's nice to meet you, Tuck. Okay.

And he shakes your hand very warmly. I have to catch up with my friends, but I'll find you later. Please come back. Okay. Get a room. You're welcome. Anytime. Okay. And your friends. Yeah. Okay. God of the flame welcomes all. I, okay. I sigh because I'm fuck. I've heard this line of bullshit so much. Yeah. From when I was a kid, they're always trying to recruit like street kids. Totally.

Well, cause you and I have talked about this, the through line of the religion of the flame is the, it's like enduring hardship, right? It's like persevering through difficult times. Yeah. So, he's just like, wow, we survived a storm. I, you all survived. The God of the flame is watching over us all. And he, he's leaving his brother. Endure. I'm like, cool. I'm going to turn away. Yeah. And, uh, Tuck catches up with the two of you. Yeah. Oh, was he nice? Yeah, he was nice.

He's just a little preachy. Yeah. It says, yes, Coral is a well-loved inhabitant of our village. He has brought, peace and kindness to many here, but onwards to your lodgings. They are some of the finest in Flotsam. And he takes you to a room that is barely big enough for the three of you. But there's like a mat on the ground that's full of straw. And he says, you are welcome here for as long as you are willing to stay. And we would be so glad to have you. You must be wary.

Yes, we are indeed very tired. Would we be able to rest our eyes for a night? Unquestionably. Cool. Cool. I lose the accent because I'm like, cool. Cool. Sleep for as long as you require. And he bows and he goes, I will take my leave now. And he closes the door. Thank you. Thanks. And the door like, yeah, thunk shut very comfortably. I immediately go to open the door. And you put your hand on the door and you press against it and it does not move. What? Hey, fucking cliff, get over here.

The door locked. And a little slug, lot in the front opens up and cliff seekers on the other side. And he says, I'm sorry for my deception. My friends, you must understand. Understand what? The people have fought somewhere on the brink. And you may be our only hope. And that's where we're going to end it for this week. My name is Sean O'Hara. I've been your game master with me as always playing Tacoma Dome, the barbarian Abdulaziz. So long. Playing fat Billy, the halfling thief, Jessica tie.

Bye. And playing Ving, the half elf druid, Paul offers. Thank you to Aaron Reed for our intro. Our natural music. Thank you to all of our sweet listeners like you for listening and our Patreon supporters for supporting us on Patreon. Check us out on social media at spell or most places. We got a fan club on Facebook. They're pretty cool. And Twitter is a place as well. Bye. Thanks for that tour of the internet. You gave HTTP colon slash slash. It's about Laura.

And so ends the tale of adventures. Three who tried the best they can. Dumb and scared and lost. They be for times of rest in. And though our journey may be. We will not leave you without. Resolution. Return. Next week to hear some more. Whilst you commute or do your chores. And for you, I gladly. Spell. No. You.

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape, and wields a spear with great might Peely's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends, and listen close For the tale's about to start Hi, hi, hello everybody And welcome to Spout Lore, I'm your game master Sean O'Hara And with me as always playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian Abdul Aziz Hello Playing Fat Billy the Halfling Thief Jessica Tai Hello And playing Ving the Half-Elf Druid Paul Oppers Hi there When last we left our heroes, they were traveling through the Sea of Graves And after a variety of failures in which many people just fell out of a boat They were set upon by the storm of the Sea of Graves who had tracked them Following Chimes' successful distraction And after a truly tremendous amount of failed rolls Okay, we get it We failed a lot, we know Genuinely one after the other Runes on the boat have been destroyed both by your hand and by the hand of nature And through that, Ving's Thunderbird, yet to be named, came to the rescue Pulling you through the storm to the town that you saw on a pillar in the distance Which we have come to learn is a ramshackle community Built out of various detritus called Flotsam And after arriving in this very strange town You discovered that they are a hungry folk and a strange folk Possible cannibal folk Well, I mean, jury's out on that After a complication through Billy's switcheroo in which in his hunger desperation He attempted to turn a table, or at least part of a table, into chocolate He turned a bunch of stuff into a bunch of edible candies Causing him to be referred to as a savior or a gift of some kind by the people of this town Who welcomed them with open arms Before being led into what appears to be a cell of some kind And locked behind a heavy wooden door Where the representative of Flotsam A strange, tall, thin man called Cliffseeker Apologized, but hoped that you would understand that you cannot leave yet Hey man, we kissed your mirror and everything I am merely doing what I think is best For the people of Flotsam He says from the other side of a locked door You will not come under any unnecessary harm What the fuck?

What does that mean? It means what it means Just, please, we are a people On the brink of absolute starvation We get by on scraps Well then I'm not gonna make any more food if you keep us in here I was afraid that you would say such a thing Oops Billy! Sorry! I thought that was gonna get him Immediately Oh fuck, I'm fine And as he says that, Tuck, you feel The strength just sap out of your body Ugh And you just collapse onto your knees Tuck!

For a moment, and then the strength returns He says that is but the barest taste Of what we will do to ensure the survival of our people And I go, what? Nothing happened? Wait And I turn to these guys and I'm like shh We're like, was something supposed to happen? Very well, I will demonstrate the power I have over you now To a greater degree And you feel the strength, you just collapse onto the ground I wanna use healthy distrust Oooh, shit Fuck you Sean!

Cool, go ahead and read healthy distrust right now Whenever the unclean magic wielded by mortal men causes you to defy danger Fucking bitch! Treat any result of a six minus as a seven to nine Alright, well, Tuck is a hearty lad Okay, go ahead and roll defy danger constitution To see if you can resist the effects of whatever this is Eleven Oh no Oh no An entire narrative thread just fell apart And I'm like, what? What? My head just fell apart for a shot Oh no!

Alright, well, okay, so Door unlocks, come with me You're free to go Okay, but, okay, so you hit the ground Fifteen minutes later, we're just sailing away in a different ship Goodbye! Just waving like the Beverly Hillbillies Eating a bucket of chicken Goodbye now God Okay, so you hit the ground All this strength absolutely sapped out of your body. Your axe feels like it weighs a million pounds. And then what do you do? Like how does healthy distress work? How do you resist this?

I think I probably tap into the axe. That's what makes the most sense. Ooh, yeah. Because I think we talked a couple of times about how like spirit world energy and magical energy are almost antitheses of one another. Good point. Paul's making a penis and vagina motion. Yeah, like magic is a penis and the spirit world is a vagina. Yes. Wait, no. It's the welcoming force. Explain more what you mean. They take turns fucking each other. I don't understand how you guys don't understand.

We need to talk more about what you… I feel like maybe we have a disagreement on what the word antithesis means. I'm horny. We're all horny, Paul. You've got me locked up like a horn dog. I can't even look outside. No, I'm just laughing at the idea of somebody being like, look, we're all horny, Paul. We've been in here for an hour. Look, Paul, we're all horny. We're trying to record this fucking podcast with rock hard dicks and clits. Multiple clits. I don't know if I can release that.

Spell Lord Knights. In the daytime. Wow. So what we mean, I think, is that magical energy and spiritual energy don't work together. Yeah. When we go to the spirit world, magic doesn't really work there. Perel couldn't do magic. True. It is like an oil and water thing. I like the idea that it went somewhere else. Magic in oil, I mean in water. If you put oil in it… When all of that, whatever he was doing, poured into me, TLC, they poured their spiritual energy into my body to displace it.

And you can hear them in your head going like, no fucking way. Not in a million years, you piece of shit. Nobody fucks with our crew. You're going to fucking step to us? You're going to step to our boy? Fuck no. Sean stood up to things before. I'd like to say that I said that to people before, but I'm kind of doing an impression of a guy that punched me one time. The one and only time I've been punched by a stranger and it was that situation like, you got beef with our boy?

You got beef with our boy? Fuck no. I was like, whoa, dude. Okay, calm down. Chad is just like, hold me back, boys. Hold me back. Nobody's, no one here has arms, but we're going to do it in spirit. We will rock you. We will rock you. Take a big accent. Take a big accent. Put it on your face. A very big lift. This song's from a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, Does anyone have it? I don't know. It's not on Netflix. Alexis, play Knight's Tale. Alexis. Is this an AI that you created?

Alexis, yo, what's up? Play Knight's Tale. Okay. The Knight's Tale starts. He just starts telling you what the movie is. So the movie opens with a jousting match. There's an old guy on a horse, and he shits himself to death in the woods. Heath Ledger goes, oh, what am I going to do now? And fade to 90 minutes later. They win. And the moral of the story is if you're poor, you should become rich. And it truly was a Knight's Tale. Okay. So you feel the power.

After that, you feel the power of Larry, Terry, and Chad flow through your body. And this whatever fucking magical force. I should say, this is the first time that Tuck has probably had magic this overt. Exertion. It on him. Right. Yeah. Magic doesn't really exist anymore. Yeah. Everyone's like, whoa, what are you doing? What a joke. But I imagine that somebody in some part of you is like, what the fuck is going on? Is this guy a fucking warlock or something? No, I'm just mad. Oh, no.

Tuck doesn't process things like that. He's not like, oh, no magic for the first time ever. He's just like this miserable piece of shit. I gave him a kiss. I gave him a good kiss. And this is what he does. I'm going to fucking beat his ass. Okay. So I'm going to take my kiss back. So that's what happens. You feel the power of Larry, Terry, and Chad flow through your body. And this magical force lifts. What do you do? I fucking cut through the door. Oh, shit.

I was wondering if you were going to play this cool. Like, ow, your spell hurt me. But no, you're going through the door. Tuck's not that smart. It's true. Defy danger strength. He's enraged. Enraged. Eight. Eight. So what do you think happens? Tuck is a powerhouse. He's going to get through this door. Yeah. But what do we think? Maybe I kill the guy. By accident. Like, it just swings right through into his. Clocks him in the jaw. Yeah. Splits his face in half. Fuck. Jesus. Yeah. That's a thing.

That's okay. So he's just fuming. Yeah. I'm furious. I'm just like. Steam's coming out of his ears. Fuck you. Somebody's going to die. Like, I imagine Billy and Ving seeing him get that mad and be like, oh, no. Yeah. I step all the way back. Like, oh, he's going to use up all the room. Yeah. It's like in the first Avengers movie when they're trying to calm down Bruce Banner. Like, look, man, just be cool. Don't worry. As they back up. Arm back. Axe. Door to Flinders.

You just smash through a door and a man. And he was just too close. He didn't get away fast enough. He's whispering with his ears up against the door. I'm sorry that I had to use such dark magic spawn you, my friends. But and he's just dead. No, he'll be okay. He's going up and like sprinkling sage. I think I can fix this. Billy's going to root through the pockets. Not in a sneaky way. He's like, I just eat. I don't want someone else. To take whatever things that he has. Yeah. Okay.

So I'm doing this for him. Yeah. And for us. It's legacy. He's next of kin. I'll find their contact information. Yeah. It's got it's got it. He's got to have kids or something like a wife. And they'll want this for sure. I got his email. Let's go. Okay. That's a lot of noise. It's really loud here, though. So maybe people didn't hear anything right away. Right. Because all the rattling. So we will determine this by Billy's role to go through Cliff Seeker's pockets. Wow.

We could have spent a lot of time here, guys. We could have spent a lot of time in Flotsam, but we're not going to. 2d6 plus dexterity. Seven. Okay. What specifically are you looking for? I'm looking for that mirror because I'm like, I knew it. I knew he took Tuck's soul. So he had it in his hand when Tuck hit him. So it like skittered across the ground. So you can see it on the other side of this room that was outside the door. And you can run up and grab it. Yep. But you also.

The seven to nine is that you hear feet pounding from basically either direction. I don't care. I go grab it. You grab it. And a bunch of people come into the room and they start freaking out. They killed Cliff Seeker. Yeah. They killed Cliff Seeker. Oh, my God. What was a big misunderstanding? He locked us in that room and he was hurting our friend. He reacted out of self-defense. And somebody steps forward. If he locked you in that room, he did it for the good of Flotsam and you killed him.

What reason did he have to lock us in that room? He did it for the. For the. Good of Flotsam. Everybody here acts in the best interest of our people. No, that's not quite true. Billy's very scared. No, he saw my powers to create food and he locked us up because he wanted it all for himself. And and we were like, no, the rest are hungry, too. This sounds like a barley. Yeah, this is a divide injury charisma. It's definitely charisma. OK. Eight. Eight.

So when you're like he he wanted it all for himself. They're just like, oh, it can't be true. Cliff Seeker. What do you betray us? Like they're basically what this is, is they're not leaving, but they're all murmuring amongst themselves. You have a moment to act. The pomegranates. The pomegranates. Oh, the pomegranates. What? I don't know. Let us go. Here's some fruit. And there's another fire sale on pomegranates. Another fire sale on pomegranates. Somebody wants to roll for it.

I bet you can pull this off. I'm going to try and pomegranate these people. So nine. Nine. OK. Give us the fruit. These fruit belong to you. We wanted we were asking him to share with you. Give us all the food you have. This is all the food we have. Yeah. Is that all the food you have? I think so. I don't have any. Yeah. I have to lie to these people. If you were being truthful, I do have artisanal cheese. Right. We picked some up in a little sir. Yeah. It is very artisanal at this point.

Guys, try to tell them about the stinky cheese. They're going to fall. Pomegranates isn't enough for everyone here. Do we have any like that bread? Do we have any ration breads? Yeah. Do you guys? You guys don't have any rations. I don't have any adventuring. Wow. No, like rations. It's a different thing. I don't have any rations. Sweet. I have never had them. I don't have them. Right. Bing doesn't eat. Billy probably ate. People are getting antsy. They're getting tense.

I turned my back to the crowd and there's bits of straw from my clothes and I'm like trying to make something out of it. Oh, yeah. I do switcheroo. Okay. So that's 2d6 plus charisma. And you're just trying to make food out of breadsticks. Oh, fuck. Yeah. Shit. It's charisma. You said. Yeah. Oh, I got 11. Oh, what happens on a 10 plus on that? It just happens. It just happens. So on a 10 plus, all three things happen, which is. The effect works for all.

It lasts for a long time and I keep control. Okay. So you can turn as much stuff into breadsticks right now as you can touch. Basically. Yeah. I had at least like two dozen bits of straw in my hand and they turn into like two dozen breadsticks. And everybody is like looking at it so hungrily. Just. Just. Just don't kill anybody else. Yeah, sure. Yeah, I don't. Yeah, deal. Just give us the breadsticks and leave. Here you go. And they all like jitter forward. Like scared animals.

And they snatch the breadsticks out of your head. They just get out of here. Just get out of here. Okay. The shutters are rattling so hard, banging and slamming. Get out. Just leave. Okay. Don't come back. Okay. Okay. I mean, we'll leave as soon as the storm's over. Leave now. We don't harbor murderers here in Flotsam. Don't you guys eat each other? That is unconfirmed. One guy is like, got his finger in his mouth. Everyone is like, no, we've never eaten anyone. Get out. Just go. Just leave.

We were like, okay. Okay. And we start backtracking down the way that Cliff Seeker brought us. And we were like, okay, we're going. We're going to go to our boat. Yeah. And the few of them that have weapons are like following you to make sure you leave. And you see Coral the priest like feeding the fire. And he looks back at you and he just shakes his head and he keeps putting wood in the fire. What? Spilling blood, brother. Really? He was trying to fucking kill me. Okay. He is a good man. Was.

I'm sorry. He was a good man. He did much for the safety of these people. And you cut him down. And you get to the door that leads to the room that Evam took you through. And you're here. This is the exit. Is there a way we can like parlay with them to like let us stay for a night? You can try and convince somebody, but they're like pretty upset. Okay. I'm just going to get on my knees and beg. I just stop where I am. And I turn to like the dude. He's like, oh, I'm so small.

And we're, we didn't mean to hurt anyone. And we just need somewhere to stay for a bit. We'll leave. We'll leave soon. But we're just so tired. Please. I can make more food if you want. I'll do anything. Parlay. 2d6 plus charisma. Eight. Okay. I can only see the one. Oh, I know. I was like, oh. Oh. So they go. Okay. All right. You want to make food? If you can. Turn every piece of furniture. In our hall. Into food. You can stay one night. Oh my God. All the furniture.

I already made it into chocolate. The furniture. Chocolate. We know is a treat. It is not sustaining. Or nourishing. Speak for yourself. Fine. Fine. I'll do my best. But. You can't threaten my friends anymore. You can't be mean to us. It might take a while. Very well. Child. Get to work. They lead you into the main hall that you were in before. And one turns his back to the doorway as the other closes it and bars it. So, you know, there's like guards on the other side. Yeah. We're just in here.

Turn all your furniture into food. Fuck. What are we going to do? Billy, how much can you turn into food? I don't know. Like, I'm more nervous than hungry right now. Um, I just think of like all the gravy. I could have eaten. I could have had. If we just got to McCall. It doesn't mean that we're not going to get that gravy. The gravy's still out there for you to get. Okay. I'm going to try switcheroo. Okay. I press my hands against like one of the main tables and I'm just like gravy.

Oh, and mashed potatoes. All of it. Uh, that would be nine. Okay. We can't eat, can we? Well, you were, you were like describing all the gravy. You could just talk about all the foods that Billy can eat. Yeah. Add on like some of the vegetables. Like side dishes and other things. Totally. There's, uh, sugared carrots. Oh. With, uh, with, with, with, with, uh, oat butter. Oh my goodness. And, and, and, and peppered yams without any pepper. Oh my goodness. There's burnt corn. Yeah.

I've never had that, but it probably looks so good. Marshmallow steak as big as your head. There's apple cores in every dumpster. Tuck's just doing all the things that he used to eat. When he was a kid. Yeah. Yeah. I love apple cores. I love wapple cores. I love chicken cores. I love it all. Uh-huh. Billy is salivating. All right. Somebody roll 2d6 plus bond. Oh, big 12 plus 240. Oh, fuck. There we go. Oh my God. There's finally a roll. Okay. I mean, yeah.

So Billy is able to do what he requires. Oh my gosh. You're doing it, Billy. You're doing it. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. You're turning everything into blue and purple goo. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Fuck, I'm starving. There's like massive piles of mashed potatoes, you know, like beanbag chair sized and pools of gravy and all of them. Some of the benches like collapse into like strips of bacon. Some of the floor around me turns into like burnt corn, whatever you're talking about. Whatever that is. Yeah.

I'm like walking around touching stuff with my eyes. I can't even see my eyes closed. Still salivating. And there's like yams. I can figure just like getting things and putting them under Billy's hand. I see what they turn into. Over the course of a while, Billy is able to expend all this energy and turn a bunch of furniture into a bunch of foods. Billy's fucking exhausted. Yeah. By the end of it, you're drained. Yeah. But you do it. You do what they ask.

You turn all of the furniture in this room into food and then what? Knock on the door. So yeah, we go and knock on the door. I'm like, hey, we're done. I'm like, I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. And one of them goes, you're done. You did it. You turned all the furniture into this room. And if any looks in the room and his jaw just drops and you see his nostrils flare and his eyes start watering. He's crying. He goes, Jeff, look.

And they both turn and they're just like, oh my God. And they walk in slowly, trepidatiously and dip a hand into a pile of mashed potatoes that was once a small side table. And they put a whole, their whole hand in their mouth covered in potatoes. And they just start eating. Easy, slow, slowly. It's for everyone. Remember that. And Jeff goes, oh yeah, right. Everyone. And he yells back and people start filtering into the room and just, they are not being thoughtful with their food stores.

They're all eating like crazy people. They go, okay, you can stay. But only until the storm abates. Sounds good. Not here. In there. And they point into the like small dank room that Evan brought you into. Okay. Get out. Go. In there. Okay. Okay. Okay. Slam. Wow. They didn't even share it with us. I hope you guys snuck in a few bites. I grabbed a piece of bacon that used to be the bench. And I'm like, here you go, Billy. Oh, I ate a lot. Billy, you did a really great job. Give me a high five.

And then he high fives him and he realizes that all of Ving's fingers are actually sausages. Oh. Yeah. Huh? You gonna save those for later? Yeah, bud. Nice. Great work, pal. Thank you. You really saved our butts again. I take Billy and I put him in my beard. Oh, just like old times. Yeah. And as far as you can tell, they're gonna, like, they're too focused on all this food to want to fuck with you for the rest of the night. Quote unquote. What, like, hard to tell what time it is.

But you can just sleep if you need to sleep. I need to sleep. Yeah, I'm gonna sleep too. Okay. Ooh, this could be a make camp roll. Oh. I don't know. I don't think we've ever. Never done that. Because I always forget. So make camp, for the listeners that don't know, because we've literally never done it before, is when you settle into rest, consume a ration. You've all eaten. If you're somewhere dangerous, decide the watch order as well. Anybody doing watch? It's not dangerous. I don't think so.

No, they're busy. If you have enough XP, you may level up. That's right. You can level up in the middle of a session. Oh, crazy. Oh, no fucking way. Yeah. We just have never. But the most important part is when you wake up from at least a few uninterrupted hours of sleep, heal damage equal to half your maximum hit points. Full up again. I'm full too. All right. I'm full too. Mostly the damage from the storm, right? Yeah. Yeah. From like falling into the water and stuff.

Ving's arm's still pretty fucked, but it's getting better. Yeah. What is Ving doing with his stump? Oh, the crystal stump? Yeah. I mean, once he's rested, he can shapeshift the crystal into a claw-like hand, but it's not going to be as good as his former one. Is he ever going to get that hand back? Oh, yeah. Okay. He's sure he will. At some point, he will. So Billy and Tuck are sleeping, but Ving wanted to do something else. Yeah. Ving wants to study the essence of the water dragon. Okay.

So Ving, you fall into your meditation. I guess you're contacting the spirit of dragon. Yeah. I'm holding the pearl scale and looking into it and seeing her reflection. It's fucking sick as hell. This is a sick spirit. Okay. So what does this look like in the spirit world? Because spirit world moves like water and the dragon is a water dragon. It's in its element.

So yeah, it's like, you know, videos when you see divers taking video of whales approaching them and that's that thing where you don't see anything and then all of a sudden this massive shape is in front of them. It's that, but this huge head with a sinewy neck. Well, Ving is traveling through the water really fast and he feels this huge shadow over top. And then he realizes that he's under the wing. He's one of those fish that travel under the wing. Oh yeah.

Because arctic chairs travel under the wings. Yeah. So he's the fish of his family under the wing of the dragon. That's cool. Are you talking to like, how does Ving study the essence? Because before it was, I remember the couple of times you've done it. It's just like, you're just watching them basically. Yeah. And rolling over and studying their moves and watching what she eats and how she breathes and doing like naturalist stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So this is specifically the spirit of. Yeah.

The sea dragon. Yeah. Yeah. You watch this dragon spirit in its element, just feeding and exploring. Yeah. Lazing about. They're very like nonviolent animals is one of the things that you. The voice of David Attenborough's in my head. Been sleeping like a bird on the water. The sea dragon is one of the most beautiful creatures in creation. Huge as a cow. Twice as pretty. The cows are beautiful. I, David Attenborough, am finally so glad to talk about how hot I think cows are.

And you, and you, um, you come to after hours in meditation with this feeling of weight and momentum and power inside you. The spirit of the dragon. Ugh. And I, yeah, I mean like. Maybe I don't think he can turn into a dragon, but maybe he can get all scaly. Or kind of dragon-y. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And maybe eventually just a big fucking dragon. Lizard person. Yeah. Cool. And all of you wake naturally. There's no sunlight.

There's no like sunrise. So your clocks just wake you up whenever they normally wake you up. Mm-hmm. And you're in this room getting a little hungry, you know, regular morning stuff. And what wakes you up more than anything else is the absence of sound. It seems like the storm has calmed. Maybe you just got tired of trying to get through these walls. Maybe there's something else going on. Something about the pillar itself, but it seems like the storm has abated momentarily.

Is there a window in here? No, there is not. But there's a door. Go out the door. The door is to the outside of Flotsam, which you now see is like basically walkway boardwalks that connect a bunch of shed-like looking buildings that creeps up the sides of the pillar almost like a vine. It's just built up from the water's edge at some points for support. And then other parts, it's just like freestanding. It doesn't make any sense. Huh.

But you see your boat hanging from a bunch of ropes down a pier that juts out of the walkway that you're standing on into the open air. And you see a bunch of other boats doing the same thing, like hanging from all these weird pulley hooks. But your boat's there and it looks like fucking shit. It's like not in a great place. I kind of want to steal another boat, but I want to take our shitty chimes boat. I do like the idea of stealing a boat from these weirdos. Yeah. I'm like, you know what?

I gave them everything. I had even my whole dream and they gave us nothing storm down. Yeah. And there's a there's a variety of boats here. Describe some of the boats. Dinghies, small row boats, one that's very long and it loops up at both sides and it has like each end of the boat has the face of a scary animal on it. There's one that is way too big for you to pilot on your own. What about that one? I think it's perfect. Amazing. You know, boats thing. I know of them. Yeah. What else is there?

Just in case. There is a still big but slightly smaller boat that looks like it's just oars like it doesn't have any sails. It's like a pile of oars. And like the clothing of the people of Flotsam, you notice that there are some weird consistency to the style of ship here. Some of them you don't even recognize. You're like, where the fuck could those possibly even be from? Or when the fuck? Is there a future boat here we can steal?

One of them is made of metal, has a cone on the other end that smells of fuel. It's the spirit of Vancouver Island. It's a ferry. It's a Faye boat. Actually, I'm comfortable saying that one of the boats lower down you can see is made of metal. Huh? Fucking why? That's stupid. It would sink. Stupid idiot. We're not taking that one. So yeah, Ving, which one of these boats is the best one? I don't know. We need something that we can. And I can. I can sail. So I don't know. Some midsize something.

But we also need it big enough to tow our other boat. So there is a, you know, like when a old man has a sailboat that he loves more than his wife. Yeah. There's one that's that size. Like a 25 foot kind of. Like a yacht almost. Yeah. Looking kind of thing. Like the boat from Step Brothers. Oh. The Gilded Lady. Like it's kind of nice. It's beat up. It's beat up. But it looks like the three of you could potentially sail. We sail it. Yeah. What about the Gilded Lily there? Yeah.

That one looks nice. I like all this artwork on the side. And there's like a painting of like two centaurs. What? In like it's running season. Oh, no. For sure. Oh, they're hugging. I like that one. All aboard. Yeah. They're hugging Billy. Stop looking at it. Okay. Is anyone looking? Yeah. Can we just take the horse porn board? Weirdly, there's nobody out here. Huh? It's kind of calm. No one is here. All right. Stuff in the stupid faces. Let's take this boat. Let's take it.

Is there like a pulley system to lower them down? That's a great question. Okay. Yeah. Realities. Yeah. That's the thing is like you guys get on the boat. You're like, all right, we're stealing this boat. How do we steal this boat? It's connected to a bunch of like arms and it's got hooks in it with ropes attached to it. It's being suspended in the air just like every other boat here. We just cut the line. How high off the water? Where are we? Enough that it's scary. How high are we right now?

In this building? Like a hundred feet? This is crazy. Hey, it's a weird. It's a weird village. Okay. So we're not cutting the line. No. Can I discern realities? Absolutely. Okay. 26 plus wisdom. Seven. So yeah, on a seven to nine, you get one question. What here is useful or valuable to me? That is the one that makes the most sense. You're looking at all the lines and you're like, oh, this kind of looks like. The cranes that I'd see in like harbors to move boxes from boats.

You're like, okay, well this, oh, this one connects to this one. This one connects to this one. And you see that they all kind of connect through the police to this one lever. That's on the walkway, like on the pier that juts out next to the side of the boat. Should we, should we lower chimes his boat first? Oh yeah. You run up, pull the lever and it drops a lot faster than you expected it to. And chimes his boat hits the water dips underneath, takes on a bit of water and then comes back up.

Huh? Well, that wasn't too bad. That was pretty scary. I don't want to do that in a big boat. So is there a way to make the levers lower boats slower? I doesn't appear to be. Seems like you'd have to be trained on this in some way. All right. Just hold on tight, everyone. Yeah. We climb on the boat and hunker down and then I'll go pull that lever and then jump down. That is a great plan. And you're all going to have to roll. I'm going to have to roll my forehead. Stupid plan.

So who's doing the pulling and jumping thing? Okay. Probably defy danger strength to like hold onto the boat. Okay. I got seven, eight. Okay. Seven and eight and 12. Oh shit. Dexterity. Uh, yeah. Dexterity will like leap off 13. Oh fuck. Okay. Yeah. I think Billy and tuck are going to like, this stuff's going to fly off of you basically. Like you're both going to lose some shit. Oh, okay. So the boat is sailing down through these ropes. The impenetrable bill hook flies out of your bag. No.

You said you were going to get rid of it. Ooh. It's that kind of thing where it's like you see it hit the edge of the boat. Like it's skitters across the deck and it's kind of hanging and you're like, oh shit. And you reach for it and just bloosh. Fuck. Right into the water. I hate the sea. That is the moral of this season so far. I hate the sea. And the sea hates you. Yeah. Yeah. The, uh, the gilded Lily spirals down on these ropes and splashes into the water hard, but you all come through it.

Not the worst for wear and chimes. His boat is bobbing along just a short distance from you. You just are lashing them together. Yeah, totally. And now here you are. What's your plan? Let's get the sale out of here. Yeah. I like disentangle chimes is braid from my beard. Yeah. I'm like, okay, I'm gonna brush out all the mashed potatoes that Billy left in there when he was sleeping in there the night before. Sorry. I'm like, okay, here we go.

And yeah, I kind of feel the direction that it's tugging again. Great. So as last time, this will be one person needs to roll scout ahead and one person needs to roll navigate. You're navigating. I guess I'm navigating. I'll scout ahead. Okay. So scout ahead is 2d6 plus wisdom. Great. Navigate is 2d6 plus intelligence. I got 10. Okay. So on a 10 plus, you choose two from the list below. You get the drop on whatever lies ahead. You discern a beneficial aspect of the terrain.

You make a discovery or you notice a sign of a nearby danger. The second one, a discern a beneficial aspect of the terrain, shortcut shelter, or tactical advantage. Describe it. We get a landmark or a pillar in the distance that we can use as a navigation. Great. And also the danger one notice a danger one. Okay.

One notice a nearby danger yeah could you use like eagle eyes or anything like that like yeah where's bird at yeah that's what I'm dying to know oh yeah could you use the bird to like survey the area yeah see if there are any dangers yeah I think you peek through the bird's eyes and you know what he's right on your ass he's always stop looking at my ass he's just out of sight he's always keeping an eye on you but the bird dips down a little bit so he can see you see you he can see your boat moving and then he just looks ahead and you see through his eyes a familiar gray carapace traveling through the water claws come up out of the water clacking raw crab stride ahead so thankfully you notice that it's there like that's the benefit is that instead of being like the crab is on top of you you're like there's that fucking crab again and what was the result of your navigate I failed you you guys are gonna have to fight this I think I think bring it on tuck's like trying so hard when ving is like hey dude big crab crab back uh tuck is trying to steer the boat he's like where's that fucking crab like it's like you're looking at the crab and you don't even realize it oh and then the front of this gilded lily this longer boat you see a big pincery leg come up over the deck and another as it like starts to climb up and down and then you see a big crab coming up over the deck and the front of the boat tips a little bit and this fucking enormous gray shelled crab is now on your boat what do you do I make garlic butter you motherfucker I'm gonna feed you to a bunch of float some jetsums okay and ving you can hear it like oh I said I was gonna crush you and I'm gonna crush you clack clack clack you son of a bitch uh I'm running up and um hoisting my spears as I can and it's like oh my god I'm gonna crush you little crab mouth even for the soft spot you know what I'm saying oh yeah I know what you're saying seven seven so on a seven with a hack and slash you deal your damage and then it deals its damage oh no I have plus one piercing spear oh it's piercing harpoon nice yeah cool cool that's great because it's a crab with a big ass shell yeah so roll your damage what is it roll a d6 four okay great nice yeah your harpoon bites into its shell uh near its like sensitive mouth pieces and it makes like noises it backs up you definitely heard it but it's pissed off just roll a d10 for me absolutely not eight eight it darts forward and a huge gray claw comes forward and it doesn't quite grab you but it fucking slugs you and it's just the denseness of its exoskeleton you feel bone almost crack damn and you take eight damage it's hard it's really hard billy and tuck you see this happen what do you do um could I dunk one of my throwing daggers because that's all I have into the oil of tag it I have yes it will be difficult because it has such a hard exoskeleton because I was gonna like aim for its face like the only soft spot so you are rolling with a volley so it's two two two six the only soft spot so you are rolling with the volley so it's two deceptive six plus dexterity okay oh I got tan oh fuck yeah okay yeah roll your damage uh d8 cool four billy fucking bullseyes this thing right in the mouth right in the mustache hell yeah it gets a bunch of oil attack it right in its blood stream crap is that blood yeah yeah is that a weird question to ask it's on the outside of their body is it that's the shell like an exoskeleton no that's not a shell it's a shell it's a shell it's a shell yeah they have they have circular whatever doesn't matter you get that way live tag it in it hell yeah mouthpieces and it moves back and forth it snaps its claws and it slows down and it appears to fall asleep oh my god get the fuck out it's a light sleep so you have only a moment to act ax yeah you only have a moment to ax I run up and I I actually go to grab terry larry and chad and then I fumble it and then I'm like ah fuck and then instead of doing that I'm like oh my god I'm that, I do the move from like when I was talking to Morgulch that one time where I jam my hand into its mouth and I try and grab its brain and pull it out.

This is amazing because if it's a fail, you grab like his tongue and pull it out. Yeah, I wonder because the thing is that you don't really have to roll hack and slash on a thing that can't defend itself. It's asleep. So I feel like you get an opportunity to just roll your damage. While he's doing that thing, he says, See you in shell! Oh my god. Okay, yeah, roll your damage. Four. We all got four. It's not great. What? Okay. It's a big crab.

What, do you only get like half the brain out or something? No, I think what it is is you jam your hand in there and you grab something and you just start pulling. And it does come loose and the crab wakes up and your arm is three feet into its mouth and now you have a live crab on the end of your arm. I punch it in the eye. Okay, now you gotta roll a hack and slash. How could you waste this, Tuk? Thirteenth. Okay, roll your damage again. Oh my god. Seven.

Okay, that's Yeah, how do you kill this thing? Because I have like purchase inside of its mouth. You just punch your hands together. Yeah, I punch. I like use the leverage to punch through his eye into his brain from the other side. Holy shit. Don't throw it away. We need that crab. You're just mashing a giant crab between your two fists. From the inside? Yeah. And I'm like, eat fists, bitch. I'm so bad at this. And it works.

It's you smash through the top of this crab and it is like hitting you with its claws. It's trying to gain purchase with its little legs, but you're just shrugging it off and it dies on your arms. Awful. Slide off and I turn to Ving. I'm like, what did you think of that fists thing? It was pretty fucking cool. Billy? That was awesome. At first I was mad, but then I was like, oh, cool. Yeah, and you have a moment where this big dead crab is on your boat.

Well, since we have no food, we should probably take some of it. Can Ving butcher up some of this crab? Yeah, I can't see why not. All right. I'm going for the claws first. Yeah, you pull out a bunch of crab meat. Awesome. Where do you keep it? In my belly. Just on the… On the deck, I guess. Just loose meat. Well, we just leave the crab because it's like, I don't know. What if we want more later? So you're just holding on to the crab? I guess, yeah. We'll just keep it on the ship for now.

I guess it'll turn pretty gross soon, but let's do it for now. I think the bird comes down at some point and pecks at the meat a little bit. He eats the hippocampus. Yeah. The delicious part of the crab. There you go. I didn't know that. That's great. You've solved my crab puzzle. By myself? By murdering it. This puzzle was hard. Yeah. Just like the crab shell. So are you just sailing on? Yeah. Every once in a while we eat some raw crab meat. Oh, geez. We're going to get so fucking sick, maybe.

Yeah. Ving's put some water on the front and it's evaporating. He's got some salt, at least. Yeah. Some salt crab. And I'm like, this is better. Right? Right? Right, because the beneficial thing that Ving got through the scout, I had was a landmark pillar. Oh. Because it can be easy to get lost in the pillars because so many of them look the same. Oh. But maybe you see one that's like discolored in some way that you don't understand. Like it looks like there's something on it.

So you're like, okay, well, I'll just use that one. So you're sailing along using that pillar as a landmark in your travels and the water around you starts to shake. You hear a groaning from beneath the waves. Oh, fuck. Is it crabs again? Yeah. Oh, God. Ving, you said there was a shampoo for this, right? And as you're all looking over the side like, no more big crab, please. Surfacing like a nuclear submarine is the massive serpentine form of cerulean depths as seen from Great Heights.

Oh, thank God. It's our friend. Okay. Water pours off of her back and her enormous house-sized head pulls up next to your boat. What a beautiful house. How go? You're traveled, mortals. Not bad. You want some crab? Flings are a big chunk. I do not consume the flesh of other animals. Hits her face. Slap. Just slides down. Ving, how could you insult her so? I forgot she was a vegan. You have traveled these waters for a few days now. Actually, we were at a weird place for a while.

Did you know Floatzum? I have heard of such a place. I have treated with their people. Treated? You know, like, I've talked to them. Okay. Nonetheless, is not the right way to say that, but either way. She actually says that. You don't have to try so hard with us. Wait, she's talking to you only. Oh, yeah. She doesn't speak common. You just understand her. Right, yeah, yeah. She's only talking to me. You guys are just hearing like the booming tones of this. To us, it sounds like…

More like what Paul's doing. Nope, not that. Like dolphins. Yeah, yeah. Can't even do it. Yeah, it sounds like whale song. Oh, cool. Sounds under the water, but above the water. It's just like… And yeah, Tuck thought that burping was cerulean, and then he looks down at Billy's… I put too much salt on the meat. Sorry. You have so much crab. Either way, Spirit Walker. Yes, great one. I have news of the wizard. She has news of Perel. Oh, my God. But it is not news you are glad to hear.

Well, we'll take it. He is indeed at the eye of the storm, but the sea has taken note of his passage, and the waters move to claim him. What can we do? Pray. And she goes up in the air and dives back down. Is everything okay? Did she find him any safe now? Is he doing well? Is he just having a fun vacation? Please say that. Yeah. It looks bad. Oh, no. She said that the sea is trying to claim him. Claim that he's what? I don't know. His life.

And I think that's where we're going to end it for this week. Yeah, pretty good. With this revelation. My name is Sean O'Hara. I've been your game master as I will remain. And joining me as always playing Tacoma Dome, the Barbarian Abdulaziz. So long. Playing Fat Billy, the Halfling Thief, Jessica Tai. Good night. Playing Ving, the Half-Elf Druid, Paul Oppers. Take care. Thanks to Aaron Reed for our intro and outro music as ever. Thanks to our wonderful listeners and Patreon supporters.

You can find us at Spellor.com, at Spellor Most Places. And you can find me living it up, baby. What the fuck am I doing? You can find me. It's okay. I'll put in a different extra. No, leave this in. I'm trying. You can find me. Please try. Whatever. Who cares? Good night, everybody.

And so ends the tale of Adventures 3 Who tried the best they can Though dumb and scared and lost they be For time's abreast in revelry And though our journey may be like a dream We will not leave you without a resolution We will not leave you without a resolution Return next week to hear some more Whilst you commute or do your chores And for you I gladly spell dawn Thanks for watching! Subscribe for more! And don't forget to like and share!

Let's go all right let's do it maybe this time we don't listen to the theme okay no I'm kidding we have to be weird how do we know what to say sean would have to come up with a whole new intro um hi hey hello hi I'm abdul and that's where I'm gonna leave it for today everybody I'm abdul no I'm are you abdul I'm the dual we gotta listen to the live from new york it's saturday night oh no that's not the show saturday lord guys is racism good or bad bad gather round friends let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold a brute a druid and a thief who is but nine years old you know them by name you know them by deed they're quests are famously daring so here I sit singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing tuck is the brute he knows not his home he loves to sing and fight fingers half healthy shifts his shape and wields a spear with great might billy's a thief his tiny size does mask the largest heart best and brightest they may not be but their friendship outweighs their smarts so gather round friends and listen close for the tales about to start hello everybody and welcome to Spout Lore I'm your game master Sean O'Hara and with me as always playing tacoma dome the barbarian Abdul Aziz hello everybody playing fat billy the halfling thief jessica tie hello and playing ving the half elf druid Paul Oppers hi when last we left our heroes we found them in the middle of the night and we're back in the middle of the night and we're in the town of flotsam held prisoner by the mysterious and insidious cliff seeker for about 15 minutes and then it all just got so fucked up this guy tried to use some sort of magic mirror to control tuck in some way tuck resisted it with his healthy distrust for magic and then in trying to escape through the door killed a man by accident I feel bad about that I really do uh and you know who else felt bad about it everybody else in the town of flotsam his mother uh and things just went progressively worse and worse as you tried to convince these people not to kick you out into the storm we failed so many times it was crazy it was I think it was a record it was speed and consistency that's potent the real sea of graves that's what they give us the dice no the dice no the dice or the sea of graves the sea of graves was the friends we made along the way okay fuck what happened um oh billy agreed that he would turn every piece of furniture in their great hall into food and somehow I did you got a 10 you just got a 10 massive magic yeah through the food based through the aid of tuck and ving telling you about all these delicious foods naming foods you kind of made the gravy dream gravy dream was yeah here all along but I feel like inside of you the whole time billy can't imagine the kind of gravy that is happening in mccall no that gravy is gonna blow his little boobs off yeah wow yeah he's got him yeah he's got him but that's I've never heard that as like I I've never thought of it and I can't believe how apt a description of it is the gravy mccall this one thing says to billy is gonna blow your little boobs off I can't wait he's always wanted them gone it's just a they're a problem now it's gonna make running so much easier you know what I learned from the sopranos is sometimes people call spaghetti sauce gravy and that was really confusing for me for a while in that show so I was like gravy's good and be like why are you eating gravy with spaghetti gravy's just sauce yeah apparently everyone yeah weird it's just like thick soup like who else calls it gravy the italians apparently or at least italian americans yeah I you guys want to know one of my shameful secrets do you drink gravy like soup because same yeah 100 my go-to order at noodle box was coconut Thai curry with two x extra sauce so that it's a soup at the end I remember that and I would always say that to the cute catchers that worked wow I was like I kind of get a soup too right I hate my job yeah so funny yeah I remember like witnessing one time in gastown you know I was like I'm gonna come home I'm gonna come home I'm gonna come home I'm gonna come home doing that who's pretty good and then she was like would you like still or sparkling water and then I embarrassed myself because I was like sparkling water well I never so fancy okay so um billy turned a bunch of furniture into food and they were allowed to stay one single night but the next day they stole a boat called the gilded lily and freed chimes's semi-wrecked skiff and while sailing away towing the boat to a place where they could attempt to repair it they were attacked by big crab a big old crab yeah for like a second yeah it went pretty great for you guys all did really well thing stabbed it with a spear billy poisoned it and then tuck put his fist through multiple parts of it he he gave it a round of applause inside his own oh my gosh uh and then after can we please keep it moving you're right I'm sorry uh and after sailing along for a little bit eating raw crab meat they were visited yet again by diarrhea we're trying to season it with seawater yeah everything's like no if you just dunk in the water it's it's way better you can almost get it down and then you were visited once again by your long lost companion and informant cerulean depths as seen from great heights the sea dragon and the sea dragon and the sea dragon and the sea dragon and the sea dragon and dragon and the sea dragon and the sea dragon and the sea dragon and the sea dragon and the sea dragon that the sea has noted his passage and the waters moved to claim him.

So now we gotta figure out this riddle. We can just ask her more questions. She left. She left. She left? I know. She told three stupid people something cryptic and then left. She is a dragon. Dragons are dumb. The waters have moved to claim him. Maybe her scale can… Ving is obsessed with the scale. Can we try this? Does this do anything to help us? All right, guys. I know we're in a tight spot, but hear me out. Scale. Yeah. But yeah, so what do you do?

I think your plan initially was to fix Chimes' boat. Oh, right. We were gonna try and figure out what was going on with it. We have a very good line of where we're going, right? Yes. Yeah, at least for now. You have a landmark that you're using. Oh, yeah, that discolored one. Yeah. And we have Chimes' beard that's telling us where to go. I'm trying to think of any sort of skill. Would we need a skill to fix the boat up? Yeah, it's basically got some chunks.

Chimes' boat has some chunks like broken off of it and some of the runes have been destroyed. So specifically what chunks? I believe Tuck yanked a part off when he was lifting the boat. The bow, the bow is all fucked up. Those runes from when the Thunderbird clutched on to tow us. Yep. And then the storm itself just damaged some runes. Along the side. And those boards on the side of the boat have been cracked, like compromised, basically. Right. Yeah.

Like the rudder is thankfully fine because that would suck to have to replace. But yeah, so it's just kind of needs general repairs. Can I conduct them? Yeah, totally. Ving wants to get to work on this boat. I think there's a bit of Billy in there too. With the runes? With the runes. Yeah, I'm like trying to figure out like, are we trying to repair the runes as well? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Which runes were destroyed and what they did. Yeah. It's just like, Oh, it's kind of fucked up, but we don't know what any of these were for. Can you commune with the boat? Think do you boat Tucker? Well, I was going to say, that's not, Jessica's not wrong. You can talk to literally anything. Yeah. He can talk to wood, wood. Oh, he just has never done it. He can talk to basic. He can talk to pure elements. He can talk to plants and rocks. He can talk to all animals. Basically.

Is it possible for Ving to convince the wood to fix itself? Oh, this is the thing. Usually I can't in things that are built because it's only when they're living, because then they're still imbued with the spirit of the living wood. But because of these runes, maybe there's some, we have said that magic and spirit energy are the antithesis of each other. So I don't think that that would help the runes, but I think I'll just go fuck myself. No, but it is kind of, like, spirit energy, right?

I mean, yeah, we don't really necessarily know what runes do. I think they're kind of, like, connected to the spirit world, especially because Chimes uses them to get into the spirit world. That's a good point. So they should have to work. He's more spiritual than he's magical, right? Yeah. So actually, I was just thinking about this in my head. So we've got spirit energy, which is what Ving utilizes. And then we have magical, thaumaturgic or whatever, which is what Pirelli utilizes.

So if spirit energy and magic are like two programs, runes might be more, like, hardwiring the universe. It's almost like it channels both things. It's like the pipe, like, that the energy flows through. Yeah. It's like a bong through which the energies of the universe are huffed. Do you huff a bong? Yeah, you huff a bong, Sean. Oh, actually, no, what am I doing? Spout Lore. That's what this role should be. If you're like, ooh, like, do, does spirit energy work with runes?

Can I talk to this stuff? Let me tell you, Dory told us, so too late. Oh, nice. Here we go. Yes. Plus intelligence, 10, 10 intelligence, fucking eight. Where did you think the two was coming from? Wisdom. Yeah. I was trying to use my wisdom. Okay. So how do I make what I just said interesting, but not useful? Because what is being trying to figure out? He's trying to figure out if he can use the talk to the wood, even though it's dead wood.

Well, what I will say is the thing that Ving is thinking about, because, you know, as a Druid, he's learned a lot about the spirits through his mother, through the other Druids. I think that you talking to wood his whole life, you know what I mean? Wood talker. Uh, come on, please. She was giving a caterpillar massage therapy. What the fuck is that? Is that being masturbating? Fuck you guys. No, we know it's much bigger. Yeah. Yeah. The second one was two figures. The second one was two hands.

Look, the third one looks like she had someone in a headlock. Yeah. Uh, okay. As I was fucking saying, yes, you're not going to be able to do anything about the runes right now. You don't know what's damaged. You don't know what they do, but I think that since Druids are all about the natural world, they don't speak to objects, but you have heard schools of thought or like philosophical subsets of the Druid.

Like you have to have a very specific belief system where objects, especially objects that are well loved and frequently used take on lives of their own. You know, over time they're imbued with bits and bits of the people that use them and love them. And then they just take on aspects of personality. And then you do know maybe this boat does have a spirit because I've heard of that happening, but you don't know how to utilize it.

If the boat has a spirit, I would be able to find it in the spirit world. Yeah, that makes sense. I feel like it would be a part of the spirit world that Ving has never gone to before. The marina. I'm not allowed there. I'm not a member. Yeah. I mean, wow. I guess it would be in the spirit world. I think I would make it another role. I think I would make it a defy danger wisdom to just try and contact a type of spirit you've never contacted before.

Maybe it's because he doesn't know what it would be. Is it a boat or is it something else? Totally. Yeah. Is it a boat? Is it a person? Thing talker. Is it what? Shapeshifting and study lessons to inanimate natural objects, plants and animals or creatures made thereof. This is a legitimate move. It is. Awesome. 2d6 plus wisdom. Are you kidding me? Snake eyes. Oh, snake fucking eyes. Wow. Fucking snake eyes, guys. Okay. So Ving, you put. I'm so sorry for Chris.

You put your hands on the wood of the boat and you close your eyes. I put my lips on the wood. Yeah. And you. It's cold. You enter into the meditative state that you do when you contact spirits and nothing like less than nothing. It's not even like it's an absence. It's just nothing happens. And then it starts to rain. And you hear thunder in the distance as the storm starts moving closer to you. Should I just give up now? I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go.

I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. The wind starts to pick up. The waves get higher. And you have these two boats lashed together as you are like, yeah, what's your plan? There are, as I said, there are extreme weather moves in perilous wilds that you can use when it comes to just navigating through weather. Oh, yeah. Let's try that. So the two moves are hunker down, which is when you take shelter to wait out the elements.

I would I could consider going below decks on this bigger boat that you stole hunkering down. Mm hmm. Um, or forge. Ahead when you push on despite powerful opposition from the elements. I kind of want to forge ahead. I think so, too. Yeah. I feel like I don't know about you guys, but I'm I'm tired of like letting this storm push us around and like dictate what we can and cannot do. And it's like we have a ship with two ships. We have two ships like we can do this. Let's fucking try and beat it.

OK, let's try and sail the storm. All right, let's do it. Sounds good. Whoever is piloting it. Two to six plus constitution. I have the highest constitution. I'm sure you do. And you just gave the most rousing Braveheart speech. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's you. Yeah. We all stand looking at like the the wheel. Yeah. We're like, everyone's to do it. Billy and Ving put their fingers on their noses. I was like, oh, what did we do? Fuck. It's not.

It's not fair because you guys are taking advantage of the fact that you're smarter and faster than I am. So good. All right. Yeah. So this is a this is a two to six plus constitution from Tacoma Dome. So Tuck has like been learning a little bit from watching Ving sail these waters and he takes the like the knotted up rope that's holding the main sail in and he like undoes it and kicks the boom all the way out. So it's at a right angle. What's that called? In irons.

And he's like, we're going to catch as much of this fucking wind as possible. Fuck. Holy shit. Yeah. Is it called in irons? Because that's cool as hell too. I think it is. Boats are cool. Roll a two to six plus constitution. Six, seven, eight, nine. Oh, assistance coming your way. Who's assisting and how I am. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Vings a sailor. Yeah. Yeah. He knows how to do boat stuff.

I think what's happening is that like the force of the wind, we can hear it cracking the mast like it's pushing so hard. Oh yeah. He lashes his harpoon on the other end and then stabs it on the bow. So then it's tethered from both sides. Yeah. Fucking cool. Dude, he sucks with bond. What is happening? Six. Fuck. Can you aid him? Am I allowed to aid in an aid role? Can you aid an aid? Let's see. Let's see. Let's see. Let's see. Let's see. Let's say yes. Can I just quickly resolve a bond? Damn it.

I mean, like my guess is that no, but I kind of want yes. Yeah. I kind of want yes too. All right. Maybe we'll do yes because I mean, knowing the risk that if this fails as well, this is like double bad. This is still a nine. So Tuck's going to have a partial success, but if both of you fail, that's bad news. I'm going to do my best to not fail. All right. So he's going to hold on to the rope so that it's nice and taut so he can secure it. Wonderful. Huge. I got nine. Thank God.

Can I aid that aid aid? Yeah. Tuck, can you aid Billy's aid to make it a 10? No. I don't care. Totally. Aid is aid aid. What a daisy chain of aid we've created. I know. Wonderful. That's great. Okay. So Billy's help, helps Ving just narrowly succeed. There's like narratively, when he tried to reach into the rope, he was like, I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this.

And then narratively, when he tried to reach into the other place to like contact that, that the boat and he found nothing just like before when remember he was contacts nothing it bit sends him low. Oh yeah. Once he's touching that nothing, he gets real nothing. Oh right. Like when you tried to come in with the danger room. Right. Yeah. And it was like just void. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Wait. So that aid made that aid successful, which makes that a 10. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Incredible. Okay.

So on a 10 with hunker down, you go as far as you were able before needing to pause for arrest. That thing is happening where the wheels just like spinning like crazy and Ving is just like reinforce the main mass so it doesn't break and Billy's holding onto it with them and tuck like runs behind the wheel and grabs it and it like jerks to a stop and he starts like steering basically to catch as much of the wind as possible.

You know, it's impossible to keep them in irons like going in the direction of the wind writing the storm front in front of this storm as it's trying to catch us. It's almost like when you try and catch a dust mode and it keeps moving out of your hands. Oh yeah. And every time like the storm reaches for us, it pushes us further out of its reach. So cool. Very cool. And also tuck had another bottle that had sabotage. Yeah. Yeah.

He pops it and he's like yeah not again we can't do it again and so you're I assume you're sailing right to the that discolored pillar yeah because that's sort of your only landmark right now where it's like that going towards it is towards perel yeah as far as you can tell based on the jinglies from the braid yeah but it's not the eye of the storm no absolutely not yeah so it is really really rough you're all getting tossed around we can kind of see the storm like the sapien aspect of it grasping for us and you can see these like fingers of waves trying to pull sort of like when it's snowing and the snow like swirls in a certain way exactly it feels like it's grabbing at us every time we move forward we see these giant waves like cresting over the front of the boat yeah and it's like we're surfing it almost like back and forth like oh yeah yeah yeah yeah like moana why didn't we reference moana during all the sailing here we go it's been a while since I've seen moana I don't really remember what happens there's a glowing manta ray I've never seen it it's pretty good I will watch it yeah it's cool it's like a sequel to lilo and stitch you fucking idiot it's a prequel that's lilo's mom you're talking about show some respect I like that this idea that shauna jessica have a fan fiction yeah where moana is the mother of lilo and after riding this storm for your fucking lives eventually you outrun the worst of it it's still raining pretty bad you sail into the area around this discolored pillar which you now see is covered in like lichen on one side this like greeny blue moss climbs up the side of this pillar which accounts for the discoloration of the land and then you kind of go to the other side of with the discoloration that you saw earlier.

You come to a relative calm. It's still raining pretty bad. It's windy, but it's not maliciously windy. It seems like you've lost the storm or it gave up for some reason. Yeah, it's like when someone farts in a room and leaves and their fart is still there. They're not. I know what that's like. An empty room just with you and a fart of someone you loved. Unrelated, I have to go to the bathroom. But I will say that Ving rolled a seven to nine on his aid roll. Yeah.

Ving, what do you think that is? You mean the partial success? Yeah. Why isn't it just like the ropes that we use are so frayed like they're done. We can't use them again. Yeah, that's a great idea. Damn. We fucked our ropes. Yeah. We're like, oh, that's because these are grips ropes, not Rick's ropes. They're so shitty. It's a shitty knockoff version. Off brand. Yeah. So what do you do? We land up against the lichen. Yeah. It's thick, almost like a cushion. Like it's really soft.

If you touch it, your hand sinks into it quite far. Oh, how deep? Up to my wrist. Like this part of my wrist. Wow. Half a foot. Yeah. It's like fucking thick. Can I talk to the moss? Yeah. Yeah, you probably can. I want to know if any travelers have been near here. Oh, chef's kiss. Chef's kiss. Love it. You don't have to roll. The moss is just like, yeah. Hey, what a beautiful spot you have here. South facing. Thank you. Been here for a while. You are the thickest lichen I have ever seen.

And I am loving it. You're so kind to say it takes a while to kind of get the right balance of sunlight and water, especially out here. But no doubt. Where did you get all this blue from? It's a zero. Oh, you know, sometimes things float by. They lap up against my. I'm cushiony moss bed and we just suck them up. No. Huh? No, I have. Has anything floated by recently? Like what? Have you seen anybody like us? People like a wizard? Would a moss know enough to know what a wizard is? Oh, wizard.

Like, like magic person. Yeah. Like person that make moss. Like a dumbheaded magic person. Yeah. Oh, sorry. It's okay. Oh, I think I saw. I felt. Something that felt like the wizard. Oh, but didn't look like the wizard. This one was like skinny and bald and ratty. Sounds like our wizard. Oh, you're talking about the moss wizard. Like this. Does all moss know the moss wizard that we totally make sense? Yeah. Who knows? This moss is like, that's not the wizard.

That's not the moss wizard that I know. Yeah. Hmm. Do you, do you know how many sunshines it's been since you felt him? Eight. Okay. Go be moss. Everybody hit the hay. It's moss humor. How do you know what hay is? Oh, I know what hay is. From rolling in it. All right. Bye. Thanks for stopping by. Thank you, Moss. Stay beautiful. Oh, I will. See ya. You can gather Moss saw Perel. At least this Moss did floating by eight sunshines ago. That's cool.

Should we discern realities to see if there's anything else here that would be useful? Totally. That'd be fun. That's there. Who's doing it? Who's doing what? Do you want to or should I? I don't care. I'll do it. 2d6 plus wisdom. Oh, fuck. Lord of flame. Please help me. I think he's getting a little bit more religious because he's got through so many near death situations. Yeah. Desperation does that to people.

And we talked about last time how the religion of the flame is about enduring hardship. Yeah. It's been fucking hard. Yeah. Please burn the eternal unworthiness in my soul. Eight plus wisdom. Wow. Nine. All right. So you get one question. Can I get aided? Oh, yeah. Totally. Oh, yeah. Could I look around with you? Yeah. Yes. I'm touching the bottom half of the moss because what else is there to touch? It's so soft. It's so soft. I really like it. I got eight, nine. Okay, great.

So that makes it a 10. So Tuck gets three questions. What here is useful or valuable to me? Yeah, totally. The moss is edible. Yes. The moss is edible. And it tastes like raw fish. That's kind of nice. Sushi? Sushi moss? Like salmon? Yeah, kind of. From like a texture versus taste standpoint, it's kind of off-putting. But like it's like if you ate a bunch of salad greens and it tasted like fish. So it's pudding. But like a little bit different is what you're saying. It's off-putting.

I don't know why I'm doing so many of these. I'm going to stop. Please don't. Yeah. So there's what here is useful or valuable to me. The moss is edible. The moss is edible. Billy, you get a little like little buzz on the tongue when you eat it. Oh. Yeah. This is magic moss. Does it contain magical energy? What else can we ask? What moss is magic here? What here is not what it appears to be. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right.

All right. All right. All right. I think Billy notices this because he's going crazy on this moss. Sorry, everyone. He's like rolling in and eating it. Yeah. Does it mind? It doesn't seem to mind. Okay. Billy, what you do notice is you're like looking for the best parts of the moss. Now you're like, ooh, what's the most like thick, delicious part of this moss? So you look up the tower and you see this sheet of moss growing hundreds of feet in the air and a hundred feet on either side. Cool.

Whoa. It's covering like this whole side of this pillar, basically. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Rippling in the wind. Like quite a ways up, like maybe 40, 50 feet in the air, but there's like, there's a movement, a sheet of moss. There's no rock behind it. Who's really in control here. Can I get the bird to take a look? Yeah, totally. Cause it's quite high up in the air.

Uh, so you're like, Hey bird, go take like, look at this. What do you up bird? I see. Do what you gotta do. And the bird swoops down out of the clouds.

Yeah and his eyes roll back in his head flaps around a little bit and sees the spot that you're pointing at uh and it flies forward and billy and tuck you see it fly up to this patch of moving moss tuck its wings in and punch right through it's like platform nine and three quarters oh my god we can go in yeah it's like platform nine and three quarters except to be clear it rips through a sheet of moss oh okay it's not no it uncovers an opening okay into the into the into the pillar can we lash the boats up and start climbing up to get in you'd have to anchor it to the moss unless you could find a way to punch it into the stone axe axe well there you go you figured out a way to punch it into the stone yeah so I go to like one of the corners and I like I take the axe and I like I just smash through the corner to make like a little hole and I I!

Like loop the boat through tie it up yeah dunzo figured it out and I asked thing I was like is this not good and he like and falls apart the shoelace not and this isn't a thing that you're like pressed for time to do so you have enough time to figure out a knot that means your boat's not floating away yeah I'm gonna help because I'm really good at knots and I'm like you're not your fingers are so thick not doing it right yeah chuck gets really self-conscious and puts his fingers into his armpits yeah it was what like disproportionately the only reason you can do that is because your armpits are bigger than your fingers like guys there's no way to just work out your armpits and your fingers you can't just lose weight in your fingers it's impossible I didn't mean it in a bad way just in a way oh great uh yeah so after a while you figure out the right knot the boat doesn't float away you have time to do what you want to do can thunderbird take us up up to the thing yeah I can't see why not bird pokes his head back out oh yeah I can't get on it oh yeah tuck's gonna have to climb too big I'll have to climb and I'm maybe using the axe too oh yeah berry as a pitton or whatever yeah yeah that's a defy danger strength holy shit fuck me why this one why is this the roll you were given an option on a way to not have to roll I got 14 climb so good yeah you beat the bird yeah oh yeah because I mean oh my god we get to the top like look down tuck and he's like uh-huh what and I'm like well I guess my fat fingers came in handy now that's so good um great yeah so he tucks them back into his armpits billy tucks his fingers in his armpits too like well whatever mine are fine too awesome so you're in this like carved stone doorway that leads into the depths of the pillar itself it's pitch black past like 30 or 40 feet and it's cold and sort of damp cool yeah is it round or is it are the edges squared off it's uh like flat up to probably six feet on either side and then the walls go up an arc to an arch above your head it's almost like a mini train tunnel yeah totally and it's pretty tight for tuck I should say and the bird of course the bird is like ah so it's probably gonna bounce like it's just gonna go back and forth and it's gonna go back and back out the tunnel it'll wait at the entrance yeah right because it can know it I was gonna say because it can guard right no it can perform can you get it to do sabotage can you get it to do an acoustic cover yeah it's tuning a guitar I'll be fine you guys go so perilous wilds also has dungeon rules which is uh a thing that we will be doing as you explore this it'll be randomly generated stuff it's a dungeon crawl no it's not a dungeon crawl but this is a dungeon crawl dungeon is a broad way of saying a place you explore so this is like a tower mysterious tower but yeah so you see a dark corridor going out into the tower itself what do you do I think we go down that corridor yeah like of course you light a torch yeah yeah do you have a torch in your adventuring gear I sure do can I do um before we go down can I do trap expert fuck yes absolutely thank you absolutely forgot about that I know it's been a long time so cool yeah so absolutely yeah so read trap expert because it's been a while yeah so when you spend a moment to survey a dangerous area roll plus dexterity on a 10 plus hold three on a seven to nine hold one uh spend your hold as you walk through the area to ask some questions so yeah go for it roll 2d6 plus dexterity please nice nice!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh my god, I gotta know. Okay. Could I use Tricks of the Trade for that? Yeah, Tricks of the Trade you can also use to disarm traps, I think. Yeah, I can. Oh yeah, I can. Maybe that's just what we should do. Try that. Yeah, okay. Yeah, when you pick locks or pockets or disable traps, you roll plus dexterity. This is really hard because it's a magic trap. Yeah, this is weird. So I'm feeling around like mostly with my mind. So different. Whoa! Fuck it, I got 12. This is crazy. Holy shit.

We were meant to go into this rock. I had a good sleep. On a 10 plus, you do it. No problem. I do it. Okay, so on a 10 plus, you do it. No problem. How do I do that? Yeah, how does Billy figure out this trap? I was thinking because of our rings and how we are sharing memories now. Oh yeah. Billy can walk forward. If we link our memories together through the rings and then you go walking forward, then your memories should stay intact.

Totally, because actually when I do that and I lean forward, I wasn't touching any of you guys. Yeah. So when I'm helping Tuck, I was holding his hand and I felt like my memories ebb and flow, but it was like cycling through us. Yeah. That's how it felt to Billy. So it's like, the thing is you just have to be touching each other, but yeah, we all link arms like a bunch of idiots. Yeah. We start skipping. Start skipping. Billy's so far down. Oh yeah, you guys can pick me up.

And also, we do that thing where like two parents on either side and we're swinging our kids. Oh yeah. Sideways? Because it's a six-crook wide. Right. Billy is ping-pong, ding-dong, slamming back and forth into these walls. Oh. Yeah, so since we're shuffling sideways, maybe Tuck goes in first because he also has the healthy distrust that he could, but he is if something bad happens. True. Awesome.

And I feel like as we go through it, the mechanism we're using to save our memories is like we're shuttling them almost back and forth between each other. Okay, can I ask you guys to do some improv? Yeah. I want each of you to give me a memory that nobody knows about. I see Tuck's dad dressing Tuck up in a little dress. Bruce Spruce? Tuck's dad Bruce Spruce or Tuck's dad? Oh. Tuck's. Oh, yeah. He was your adopted father. But he found me when I was a baby. Yeah. Bruce Spruce. Okay.

Putting a wig on you. Dalling you up in a little dress. No, not this memory. Shoes. Coaching you and how to act a little less like a little strong boy in order to use him. As it like a scheme to get somebody to buy a number of carts like my cute little daughter. Yeah. Yeah, that was my God because when I was really young, I was a cute little like fat kid and people be like what a cute little fat case trying to sell me a cart.

And then when I got closer to like puberty without without dating puberty. Yeah, just before where I was just like I like, you know where those kids get like lanky and smelly. He was like, all right, we're gonna change this whole scenario. You're gonna pretend to be a little girl because people like little girls more than little boys.

And I was like, okay, the person he's selling carts to has a young man and he was trying to be like, oh, well, our kids could maybe match and I was like, what the fuck are you doing? So good. All right, Billy's memory. I see a little Billy in the halfling lands. This is after old Bill passed away. And you started living kind of like in the woods like anywhere. I see you kind of like on the edge of a little halfling schoolyard like in the woods behind the school.

And I see you watching the kids play. I feel like your desperate desire to go be with them, but also like all the times that you were like pushed away and shunned and you're just like, oh fuck. Like I always wanted to go to school. Yeah. Oh, that's so sad. Yeah. And then you ran back into the woods and I'm just like pretending like I hope you didn't see that. Everybody's seeing their own memories being like what's being shared and what isn't. Yeah.

I see Vang when he's like young like really young kid and he is in like a resplendent kind of palace looking thing. Some of the floors are like built out of ice and some of the structures are built out of ice and there's like furs and stuff and like beautiful snow animals kept in the like outdoor area and you're actually in a like a tutoring class right now and you're looking outside because you're like I hate this and you make eye contact with one of the like reindeer kind of looking animals.

I don't know Billy doesn't know it's like this like really like fur coat looking deer with antlers. Yeah, you make eye contact with him and and you get like this weird tunnel vision like like you guys connect kind of and then your teacher snaps his little ruler against your knuckles. He's like pay attention. Yeah. That's it. Cool. Great man.

Yeah, as you all pass through with your arm your hands clenched sharing these memories you feel Billy especially you feel the like build up of magical energy as the trap activates and tries to overpower your minds and then it's gone sick. The trap has been disarmed. I like that Billy doesn't tell us that we can stop holding hands. I'm like, yeah, just keep the holding hands. Keep swinging me. Yeah, he really likes it. Keep going. Great.

So the dungeon move that we're going to be using is called see what they find and all it requires is one of you to roll a d12. Whoa. Yeah, ever done that. Which one is it? Those ones. Yeah. Oh wow. You're all just like Oh, d12. I've never seen these shapes before. What are these markings on the top? This one says yo. Yeah, sorry. It's a 10. This one's just an L. I think I can roll love bro. Yeah, maybe can I roll? Yeah, first one in here. You have the axe. Yeah. I have. Yeah, I have a bit right.

Eight eight. Okay. So you are pushing forward with the light of the axe to guide your way through the darkness. It's moist. It's humid. Everything just feels wet. Like you almost feel the wet through your shoes. It's just damp as fuck and you come out into a chamber. That's about 15 feet on either side and then 30 feet long. You see there's a door on the other side of the chamber as well. It's just carved out of the stone of the pillar and you look down at the floor.

As you walk in and you see there's like a grit like a wet grit on the ground and it looks like there are marks like something's been dragged across the ground and it looks like too recent at like the room itself is very bare like it is carved out of this this gray green stone. It's just this gray cue box with grit. It's wet. There's wet grit. There's a looks like a rotting wooden table across the chamber on the far wall like on the left-hand side.

There's like lots like it just kind of looks like a multi-use room. You know, someone lived there though. Yeah, like oh yeah, like this is signs of habitation like there's like a home office in the corner. Yeah, like a game room. Yeah. Yeah, there's a beer sign that says beer o'clock and there's a sign hanging in the kitchen that says eat and person.

Yeah, there's one that says don't talk to me until I've had my there's a there's a stylishly painted like piece of scavenged wood that says in this family. We hug give second chances tell the truth. You know that I've seen it so many times. Are there any doors? Yeah, so there's a door also of the same like Archie shape on the other side of the room. Should we discern realities for the room? What are you doing? What I'm just playing with dice.

Yeah, is somebody are you so yeah, what are you doing? Oh, I'm going to check. I'm going to look into that scraping along the floor. Yeah, so what to certain realities are reality to the six plus wisdom. Nice nine. All right, you got one question. You can light my way. Oh, yeah. Oh, ten. Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah, sorry bond to the six plus bond. Who 11 what's going on? Yeah, who yeah, so you get 10 you get three questions because tuck is lighting the room with his axe. What happened here recently?

What happened here recently? Is, you get down really close to the tracks and you're like, I taste it. Tastes like dirt and plants like rotting plant life and it looks like something dragged its way through this chamber. Like through the door. Yeah, like to the other side of the room already do that though from the drag marks. Okay, then it did it within the last five minutes. Whoa. Okay. Okay. What else is hidden here? Yeah, I use that hold what else is in here? Okay, Billy, you see on.

The edge of tux axolite. Yeah, you look at like some of the boxes and urns that are by the rotting table on the other side of the room and you see behind them on the wall and also kind of up in some of them a plant of some kind like a thick carpet of plant life. Is it more of that Moss? There could be magical Moss monster here too. It's hard to see what kind of plant it is in the like purple light of the axe because everything's in a wash in a purple glow. What's about to happen?

What's about to happen is you see Billy points out this weird carpeted plant on the other side of the room guys. Look and what is that the pile of detritus that it's on starts to move and things drop away as this plant matter grows further up the pile and into the broken wood and across to the rotting table and it starts pulling it into itself and creating a body out of Moss and broken wood and leftover materials. And this hulking blue colored Moss monster stands between you and the door. What?

Here's not what it appears to be. I mean, I mean, maybe it's on illusion. Well, we could use that with the in the purple light. You're able to do some some extrapolation and you're like, oh, that's not the same Moss on the outside of this pillar. That's the blue Moss from Pinewood. Oh my God. What? And that's where we're going to end up. How did it get here? I've been your game master, Sean O'Hara. Joining me is always playing Tacoma Dome, the barbarian Abdul Aziz. Okay, bye.

Playing Fat Billy, the halfling thief, Jessica Tai. Yeah, bye. Playing Ving, the half elf druid, Paul Oppers. What if each principality has its own pillar? Oh, well, then there would only be five pillars. Oh my God. Next time. Next time. And thanks to Aaron and Reeve for our intro and outro music. Thanks to our listeners and our Patreon supporters. You can find us at patreon.com slash Spout Lore or at Spout Lore on most social media platforms. We'll see you next time. Bye.

So, in the tale of adventures, three who tried the best they can, though dumb and scared and lost, they be for times of rest in revelry. And though our journey may be like a conclusion, we will not leave you without a resolution. Return next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores. And for you, I gladly Spout Lore. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

All right, let's fucking play a role-playing game. Let's play the theme fucking songs, bitch. Oh, man. Imagine this one came out as like hard. Should I play Sabotage? No. Why do you never want to play Sabotage? Again, he did want to play it a few times. When we did it. Yeah. And now we've done it. But now I feel like this is the direction our podcast is moving. Is specifically the song Sabotage by the Beastie Boys? It should be based all around it.

Jessica's not paying attention, so that's complicit. She's complicit. She has headphones on, Abdul. I was suggesting. Just that Sabotage is like 11 minutes long. And by then, I might be asleep. Exactly. Of all the directions you want our podcast to go in, ripping off J.J. Abrams is the main one. Here's the air. Okay, yawn. Because you guys are fucking assholes about this. Jesus. Most of us are on board. I just want you to push yourself to new creative heights.

Don't lean on the crutch of Sabotage. Sabotage isn't a crutch. It's a ladder that will elevate the podcast. To the roof of the podcasting industry. We're going to be standing up there and going, Fuck you, Jordan Jesse Go. And I'll piss on his face. Is it still a podcast? I don't know. But fuck Jordan Jesse Go. Fuck Bill Burr. Fuck Peter. Gabriel? Gabriel. Fuck everyone at Scott Ackerman's house. Just his house. Fuck this American life. Ira Glass. Eat my dick.

Is it really worth it for you to start feuds with podcasts that will literally never hear this? We'll see about that. I'll send this to Ira Glass. Ira at Glass. They call me Ira Glass. Oh my God. Oh yes. It's coming in hot today. I like that. You know what? I'm going to fast tomorrow. Yeah. Maybe that's what the energy that we all need is mild starvation. Yeah. Yeah. Five shots of that stuff. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Welcome to Spout Lore. I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara.

And joining me as always playing Fat Billy, the halfling thief, Jessica Tai. Hello. Playing Ving, the half elf druid, Paul Oppers. Morning. And playing Tacoma Dome, the barbarian, Abdul Aziz. Hi. When last we left our heroes, they sailed the ocean blue again. Following a disaster. Disastrous stay at the pillar side town of Flotsam. They escaped sailing away on a stolen boat and a stolen boat. Technically given freely.

But now you've destroyed it to the point where I think if I'd given you a boat like that, that you destroyed, I would then consider it stolen. You stole my good boat. And after dragging it along and fighting a big crab, completing a narrative thread that everybody was just waiting with bated breath. To see where it would go. We all rolled our eyes when we saw the crab. It was honestly funny in the way that you were like, oh my God, it caught up with us. Fucking crab. It's crabs again.

Crab fight. Yes. Dragon appear. Yes. Perel in danger. Speak like a human man. This is our fucking profession. Uh-huh. I think everybody can connect those dots. You fought the crab. And after the crab. Fight. Cerulean depths appeared and told you that she'd found hints as to where Perel was, that he was at the eye of the storm, but the waters had taken note of his passage. And they moved to claim him. They move to claim him.

And then I was listening to it and we're all like, what mystery is this statement? And I was like, what are we talking about? It's like, it was pretty clear. It's pretty clear. What's happening? The waters moved to claim him. I think we can all cover that.

And then after that, you sailed in the direction of a discolored pillar in the distance and fled from a very angry storm that attempted to sink you and attempted to snatch you from the safe haven of your boat before you arrived safely at this green pillar. With no help from the dice. Oh yeah. You ate shit like nonstop. It was like a record for the most number of fails. Yeah. But then it came through when you needed it.

And you arrived at this pillar, which you discovered was covered in a foot or two thick layer of greeny blue moss, which Ving spoke to, discovering that Perel had floated by it. At some point upon investigating the moss, you discovered a hole in the side of the pillar, which revealed an entrance, which you all entranced. And upon some investigation, trancing, discovered a structure of some kind carved out of the pillar.

Billy uncovered a magical trap that made people that spring it forget, perhaps as some sort of defense mechanism to get them to turn around and leave. But you were able to disarm it through the power of friendship. And magic rings. And magic rings. You shared memories, bolstering each other's minds so you didn't lose any memories on your way through, disarming the trap. And discovering a chamber beyond, which contained little of note, with the exception of much of note. A living pile of moss.

A living pile of moss strung together a body out of various detritus, creating a hulking, angry, aggressive, hungry looking form. And this is the same moss monster. As we met in Pinewood. Yes. Using some color wheel extrapolation from the purple light of Tuxax, you realize that it is the blue moss from Pinewood. And when Ving talked to the moss, they were like talking about the moss wizard, right? Yes. When you described Perel, the moss was like, that's not what wizard looks like. Yeah. Yeah.

Suggesting that this moss was familiar with another wizard. And that is where we left off. This hulking form stands across the chamber from you. Reaching almost to the top. Of the ceiling. Basically covering the doorway with its soft, cushiony, velvety bulk. Pieces of wood and metal held throughout in a scaffold. Doesn't sound scary at all. Well. Yeah. It sounds really cuddly. Sounds hot. Guys, I think we should reason with it instead of fighting. I'm coming in hugging.

I mean, that's the question. What do you do? You could try and reason with it. Yeah. Ving. Dear moss man of such beauty and azurely beautiful, wonderful. You are so soft. Oh, moss one. Please allow us passage in your dankest hole. Literally every time Ving talks to a spirit thing, it sounds like you're trying to fuck it. I guess that's kind of what it is. It does not respond. What? Nothing. Okay. I'm going to talk to him. Get it. Push him out of the way. Okay. But don't think he wants to fuck.

Okay. No. Wait. No, no, no, no, no, no. Roll what? Uh, charisma? No, no, no. I want to be charismatic. Parlay. No. Do you guys remember anything from the Pinewood mystery? Yeah. Oh. Such as? No. Alcohol kills these things. Yeah. Yeah. But also? It evil? No, not necessarily. Oh, it not smart. It's not sapient. It's not intelligent. Oh. It's magic. So it can't be communicated with spiritually. But it can be communicated with magically? Potentially. You know what?

Try and roll a spell or maybe if you want to know more. Oh, yeah. Great. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Plus. Eat my ass. Plus intelligence. 2d6 plus intelligence. 2d6 plus intelligence. Spout Lore shit. Spout Lore shit. That's great. I like when you guys succeed at Spout Lore because I get to talk about world building. I know, but it's fun to antagonize you. Say it. Bitch. There you go. Whoa. I can see your lips quivering as you waited for that word.

What is your intelligence, though? What did you get? My intelligence is zero. Okay, so you got a nine, which means it's not a ten. Oh! How will I aid with my magic? Billy! Yes! Tell me everything you know. I think you would sense its magicalness. I sense its magicalness, and I also recall we've met this boy before. Okay, yeah, nine. Okay, cool. So yeah, that succeeds and makes it a ten, which means that you get something useful and interesting. Whoa! Whoa!

Can you bring down my headphones, please? Soundscape. That's all the moss we were eating earlier. Just shoving it in. That was all you. I still ate most crab. Wet, hot crab sitting on the deck of the boat. It's still down there. It's cooking. How about I tell you something interesting, and you come up with how it's useful. Okay. Does that sound good? Sure. And then we'll try it the other way around.

So the thing that I will say is that this moss, though it looks like a person, this is probably just how it hunts. Because you remember Pinewood, it killed those people. It covered them up with moss. This is probably a carnivorous kind of moss, and this is how it hunts. But it is magical in nature. Okay. So it's not intelligent, but it is able to do weird shit. So did you say you were going to say something interesting? Continue.

So you can come up with something if you want, but whatever you do, you get a plus one. Like the distance the magical user needs to be. Maybe they need to be within a range. Yeah. Could it be like a robot, like Chamberlain was? Kind of thing? That's what I'm thinking. Does that mean there's another wizard behind this? Yes. The moss wizard. But is he here, I guess, is the question. That's a great idea, actually, that you could consider this moss a type of golem, basically.

And in the meantime, it is approaching you. Oh, no. It's like slapping. Its feet are like, as it stomps across the chamber. What do you do? I'm going to build a maze for it to go out of the rock around it with rock. Oh, interesting idea. Just so it gives us time to slow it down. I guess I could build a cage around it if I try and do that. Oh, good idea. Yeah, that is a great idea. But I don't know why the maze is such a funny thing. It's such a like, aha, I built a maze.

It turns out he's really good at puzzles. So this is elemental mastery. Elemental mastery, my good man. Did he say it's plus wisdom? Yeah, no problem. Boom, nine. Shit, yeah. All right. What happens on a seven to nine? I don't know, but if I have an aid. I'll aid. I'll aid. Thank you. Yeah. I'm calling on the primal spirits of Earth. I'll help. Yo, Earth, it's your boy, Billy Billy. Come back at me, Willie Billy. We got to come up with a way Billy's actually helping.

Yeah, what about I just saw that. Oh, yeah. No, no, no, no, no, no, fuck. No, I want to hear what you have. Okay, here's my idea. Okay, classic go. What if you distract it? Oh, yeah, because actually I do have that move where it's disguise, but I don't have time and materials just slapping moss on your body as it's approaching. I'm one of you. I'm one of you. I think I'll just distract it. Yeah, distracting is great. Oh, holy shit. Yeah, nine again. There you go. Great. So what's Billy doing?

Billy's going to kind of run to a different corner and be like, look at me. I'm a tasty morsel. Oh, have you ever had foie gras? Because I am basically that. Jessica's doing a lot of showgirl style sexy moves. There's like a nice mantle piece behind me. That's a good mantle move. Don't make her stop doing that. No, but I'm just saying like Billy's doing it. Yeah, Billy's doing it. Against the wall, sliding up and down the wall. Yeah, so slimy. I look at Bingham like, where did he learn this?

Emerald City, Emerald Coast, Emerald Town, Emerald Crystal Bay. Crystal Bay. Okay. At the Emerald Inn. There you go. The Emerald Hotel and Spa. Yeah, so it totally works. Billy skitters past being as distracting as possible and the moss thing stops for a moment and tries to figure out what to do. So he's going to get the idea. It's not very smart. Oh, two things now go for delicious boy. Sorry, cut that out. Still to play. On 10 plus, I get to choose two.

So let's have the effect and I will retain control. So what does this look like? Billy got him over into a little alcove and I'm going to build that into a little spiral maze. So you just bring it up around him in a spiral shape? Yeah. Dirt all around. And I put some little wonky little fun things. In there and from above, it looks like it looks like like a bird or Spongebob or something. So structurally, I have some questions. Go ahead. Does it reach the ceiling? No, no, there's gaps.

There's little gaps. Are there spaces on either side for you to get around? Yeah, we can get to the door. He relieves enough a thin corridor. So what is nature's price that you're paying? I get pretty dirty. Covered in soil. Oh, you're so dusty now. Oh, shit. Well, soldier on, I say. Yeah, you get so covered in grit and dust and grime that you feel it like tightening around your joints. It's like basically paste on his body and the paste is hardening. Oh, no. And so it does work.

You get the idea that it's stuck in the middle of the maze. But what you do see just over the edge in Tuxlite is moss start creeping up over the top of the maze. Sorry, guys, I didn't make it go to the top. I didn't think that it was. I went to the top of his head. That was dumb. It could have really solved everything here. Yeah, if you just made a cage. Yeah, I stick by my choices. This is my art. It's starting to come up. What do you do? Get to the door. Yeah, get to the door.

You run across the room and through the doorway on the other side. Can we trap expert? Yeah, you could. You run the risk of giving the moss golem enough time to get out of the maze, but it's always, it's not a bad idea. I mean, I also shoot first, so I can never be caught by surprise. That's true. If the moss golem does get out, Billy will know. Yeah, Billy in first. Okay. Like a soccer ball. Flying through the air. You can say whatever you want. His clothes are just flapping against his body.

His little boobs. His hair. Holy time. It's the ground. Really beautiful. Yeah, it's pretty stunning. I'll set the stage before you check for traps. You get down the corridor and you find a staircase going down, but as you go through that doorway, there's just a carpet of moss on the ground. Oh, fuck. And it covers the staircase going down. Do this. Oh my god. So I'll tumble to a halt just before the stairs. I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, okay. Should we turn around? No. Okay.

So it's just a corridor, stairs going down, moss on the stairs. Yeah. Far down does the moss go. Into the darkness. Is it blue? You would assume that it's the same color. Trap expert. Seven. Pretty good. Still good. Plus? Plus dexterity. Dexterity is a nine. Okay. So that means you get one question. Is there a trap here? And what activates it? Yes, there is. Walking down the stairs. Fuck. Cool. We didn't know that before for sure. Yeah. Let's risk it. I turn to you guys.

I'm like, I'm going to try and jump it. The whole stairs? Yeah. Okay. Wow. Once the ceiling lands on the first stair. I didn't. I landed on the stair immediately. Wow. These are really low ceilings. That's, oh man. Can I try and clear it? Like, I'm going to try and clear it. So you don't know where the stairs end. You know what? I have faith in myself. Yeah. And then I do this. It is so. Crossing peace fingers. Oh, it does two west coast symbols. Actually, no.

If you flip them over, it's from a call. Yeah. Okay. I think it's so funny that you're going to do this. You're trying to jump a trap that you don't know where it is. Is it okay with you that I'm doing this? You already did it. I was going to suggest we could throw the axe because it also has a light. Oh, yeah. We could throw anything. Oh, man. We could throw me with the axe. We're all clamoring to jump down these stairs. Ving's not. I don't know about jumping these. Yeah. I have an idea. Okay.

I'm going to try and jump as far as I can and then embed the axe into the wall so I don't touch the stairs. Cool. Floor is lava style. Yeah. But if you had an axe, and didn't care about destroying your house. Yeah. Previous Moss Monster style as well. Is this what we did then? Well, we stalagmited over the top of the monster. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Floor is lava. It's good to know that we haven't advanced at all in our problem solving ability. Or maybe I haven't advanced in my plot or threats.

Who can say? Eight. Okay. All right. So he's definitely you're definitely not going to clear the stairs. Shit. Because I'm trying to think also like jumping down. Yeah. Because they're going down. You go further. Forward. But how do you jump? You start straight. You run. Yeah. I run. I took a running jump. He dies. And then the gravity pulls you down. But the stairs are also down. So like math. Like a squirrel suit. Look at the angles that Jessica's doing with her fucking arms. Oh, I see.

Do you not understand this? It's math. I understand the angles. I understand the angles. Yeah. We're doing the M's again. Math, motherfucker. Everyone's so mad right now. Okay. Okay. Here's what it is. So Tuck hits the axe. His feet touch the moss, sink through the moss, and a sheet of moss falls away, revealing that like a third of the stairs is a pit. And Tuck is left hanging over this pit by his axe. Wow. Cool move. By the skin of his axe. Yeah, exactly.

I also yelled John Wick as I was doing it. I didn't get a chance to say that. And I did it. Maybe once because you forgot as you were diving. And then the trap falls. The moss falls away and revealing the pit. John Wick. John Wick. John Wick. Can you tell us how wide the gap is? Yes. So the pit is about 25 feet long, about 6 feet wide. And you guys have like 10 feet of stairs in front of you before the pit gets there. Piece of pit. This staircase was mostly pit. And how far across it did I get?

10, 12 feet. Cool. Wow. What a jump. By the way, sick John Wick. Thanks, man. Do we have any rope or something? Yeah. Long thing. Yeah, if you've got like your adventuring gear, you could pull a rope out of there. Oh, I do not have adventuring gear. But what you do have is a billy realizing there's a moss golem that is like now just about halfway escaped from the maze. Oh, thing. Why couldn't you just make it taller? You know what?

This is a lesson for all of us to learn to remind me to go to the ceiling. I'm putting this on you guys. Okay. I'll take the fault on that, which means that I will jump next. I do have I have my harpoon with a rope on it. Oh, right. Yeah. Throw me the harpoon. Wait, wait, wait. No, hold on. What are you? What? What are you talking about? I'm going to throw him the harpoon so then he can tie the rope around his axe. It will swing with the rope over the pit and go like this. Like it. Okay.

Catch this. Catch this. Plus my dexterity. I got seven. Goes through my hand. Yeah, you can catch it, but you're going to take damage like he's going to hit you with this harpoon. Okay. Yeah, do it. Roll your damage five. You can take five points of damage as this thing it's sticking out of my hand. I said got it. I said heads up after I threw it. So you close your hand after it stabbed you through the hand. Got it. I've got a poultice for that. All right, and I loop it around the axe. Yeah.

So now Billy and Ving are going to swing across on the rope. Yeah, I think you could just like swing across to the other side. I'm going to crawl up onto Ving's flaps. Get in the flaps. Good. I'm in the flaps. Okay. He really got to specify what flaps I'm clinging on to his chest. I have many handles. I'm a man of many handles. All right. What defy danger would this be? Indiana Jones. Yeah, right. Roll an Indiana Jones ball. Sick. Snakes. Why do I have to be snakes?

I think it is 2d6 plus dexterity. To carry my boy. Ooh. Nine. I aid by clinging on very well and saying I love you. All right. 2d6 plus bond. You can aid with love. Yeah. Apparently not. Shit. Shit. Shit. So sorry. It was five. Fuck. Yeah. I said I said I love you tuck and I was like, oh, I meant sorry. What you being short talk? I mean, that is a failure. Billy turns around as Ving is swinging.

Billy turns around and sees the moss golem is on the other side and has like reconstitute at its body and it pulls its arm back and whips a bunch of moss and debris at you. But the only way to not get hit by this is to let go. I'll let go and Billy starts to fall. Can I let go and drop as a bird? Uh, shape shift. I thought you could do that. He just hasn't in so long. I shape shift. He hasn't since Crystal Bay. Save our son. I shape shift as a oh, a snowy owl. Okay. Shape shift 2d6 plus wisdom.

Oh, yep. Seven. I got one hold and that hold will be moving fast enough that you're able to grab Billy dive, which means that you're going to turn back into Ving probably at the bottom of this pit. Great. Yeah. So Ving turns into an owl grabs Billy turns back into a Ving. Woo tumbles him in your arms. Yeah. How to train your dragon. Oh, cool. Yeah. Tumble Billy's cradled in your arms. Thanks being I really meant it that I love you. I just got I believe you.

But you're selling it really hard right now. I know. I'm sorry. It's a really stressful time. We're all stressed, but don't worry about it. So the only light in this room is the light from Tuck's axe at the mouth of the pit. Tuck, you're hanging from an axe. You don't see your friends guys. Tuck's done so much and he's like guys harpoon in his hand hanging from an axe. What the fuck? Empty rope comes flying over. Yeah, my friends bleeding blood trickling down the rope. Fine. Okay.

How are you, pal? I'm fine. Sorry, I have a question. Can either of you see in the dark? We've never established. No, I cannot. Okay. Can you turn your binoculars into night vision binoculars? No, there's no concept of night vision binoculars. Sam Fisher. Green. I just thought of that scene in Step Brothers where he's like, you know, they're not that. Noticeable. Two feet off his head. What a good movie. But sorry. Yeah. Elves can see pretty well. Yeah, but not that great.

Elves raised in the dark forests have way better night vision, but he's an elf raised on the white. Oh, mama. Sorry. I got so excited. On the white plains, right? So that they see better in bright, bright lights. Oh, so they don't get blinded. They don't get blinded. But elves in the deep forest can see better. Elves can see well in the dark. The dark forest. The dark forest. I really am setting a lot of limits here. No, this is. It doesn't go to the ceiling. I can't see shit. So cool.

That's so cool. The dark forest. What is the dark forest? The dark. I call that down. Hey, what's the dark forest? It is a land where there's a lot of elves that are cast out of their society and they've congregated together. It's like a, Australia, but in the woods where criminals and dark elves end up piling up. Are the woods like literally dark? They're super dark.

And there's at the top of the trees, there's a whole other ecosystem of other, there's mosses and that's part of where these magical mosses come from. It's where the blue moss is found at the canopy of these other great dark trees. It's a very dark magic that exists at the top of the dark forest. I'm going to take a point of experience for that lander move. His story. It's yours. Hold on to it. Don't, Mark. We'll tell, you'll tell his story. Don't worry. That's so cool. Wow.

I really like all the shit you guys come up with. I want to play a full campaign in the great forest. I want to play a full campaign in the halfling lands. Full campaign in McCall. We'll do it. Spout Lore for a million years. We just need. A million years. 2,400 more Patreons as borders. Exactly. Okay. So Vin cannot see in the dark. No. Which just means that you don't know what room you're in right now. Can we concern realities? Yeah. It's absolutely pitch black. I'm going to say no.

Until you get a light source, you can't discern realities. Can you shape shift again? Oh, yeah. Could potentially, yeah. Yeah. It's just what would be big enough to help Tuck. Yeah. Giraffe. Ice giraffe. No. No, no, no. Yeah. I was some sort of white kangaroo. What about that time you turned into that tree and got out of the boat? That was really fun. What was it called? Food boat. Food boat. Food boat. Holy shit. We're terrible at fantasy. Yeah.

We flip flop pretty hard between great and terrible. I could just grow a tree up like a fireman pole for you. That's great. It's a great idea. Mind your thighs, pal. Nine plus my wisdom, 11. Hey. So you get three hold. Three hold. Great. What kind of tree does he turn into? I just imagined like one of those silver birches. Yeah. I was picturing a silver birch too. Yeah. Yeah. Cool. High five. Boom.

So, Tuck, you're hanging from this axe and the branches of a silver birch start growing up under your feet. Cool. Hop on. I let go. I pull the axe out and I leave the heart of my hand. You land in a canopy. Oh, you should take that out. It's fine. No, it's not. It's fine. Okay. You have to do some first aid when you get to the bottom. I put my hand behind my back. What if I stay up here and just lean forward onto the other stairs and then we get down the stairs? Yep. Okay. Yeah, cool.

You can totally use this hold to get to the other side. Great. Cool. Yeah, we're out of the pit. Yeah. Are you going to stay as a tree or are you just going to turn back into Ving? You know, I might stick around tree time for a little bit. So, are you tree man now? I'm tree man. Okay, cool. Yeah, I think it's like a branch touches the other side, turns into a hand, turns into a hand. The trunk comes up as two legs. Oh, cool. And now you're just like, yeah, birch boy. It grows up.

The canopy grows up into the ceiling and then transforms into roots and then the bottom turns, where the roots were, turns into canopy and grows up from the bottom. Cool. So sick. That's really cool. So, what does silver birch tree man look like? I'm imagining an ant functionally. Yeah, he's got lots of bark. Flaps. Peeling bark. Big flappy leaves. Big silvery, silvery. And they quiver with the wind in the tunnel. Does tree Ving have a hand again?

Because remember, you're missing one of your hands. No, but he does have gills, which is fun. Oh, yeah. You always have gills. And so, there's a knot in the middle of the tree that's an amethyst. Yeah, there's an amethyst knot. Cool that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is a weird magical creature. And we're like, oh, gross, a moss monster. Follow me. Oh, yeah, I should say, the moss monster's on the other side of the pit.

It can't move too quickly in its moss form, but, you know, obviously when it's ambulatory, it moves faster. You see it spreads out and starts growing along the sides of the corridor. What does it want? Slowly. Very slowly, but it's moving towards you. I feel like that's a problem for future us. Yeah. Which means we won't think of it now. So, you just continue down these stairs? Yes. All right. Axe lighting the way. Did you pull the harpoon out? Still in there. You gotta do something about that.

I don't want to acknowledge that I'm hurt. It would hurt so much more to leave it in. No, I'm gonna leave it in. It's jangling around in your meat, man. I'm being careful about it. All right. So, instead of rolling, I will pose this question to you. What's a cool room that you would find at the other end of these stairs? Now that you've gotten over the stairs, we go into a room and there's just a sealed tomb, kind of, but the top is glass, like snow white, and in it is, like, a man. Or a woman.

Interesting. A woman? Yeah. I push everyone out of it. Oh, my God. Is she okay? It's just skin and bones. And the moss is, like, in the room, too, and it feeds into these little, like, holes in the glass. Oh, my God. And it's, like, that, like, cover her. How? How? What? Did you? Did you guess? What? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So, it is like that. I will say she's not quite as in repose as you're probably imagining. Like, it's not. Oh, I'm imagining her very in repose. Yeah, so reposed. Wow.

Jessica, fucking in my brain. Cool. Cool. Okay, yeah. So, there's a glass chamber in the middle. Yeah. Tuck's axe lights up and it starts reflecting on this glass dome with holes in it. The carpet of moss grows up into the holes up onto this dais where a woman lays and it covers basically everything on her body except for her face. Oh. And she's just laying there. And, yeah, what do you guys do? Billy just, like, walks up to her and he presses his face up against the glass to take a look.

Mm-hmm. Wow. She's so beautiful. I turn to Vero. Dibs. And then I run up to the glass. I tap on it like it's a fucking aquarium. Hey. Hey, don't tap the glass. So, Billy says she's so beautiful or whatever and you hear Thank you. You see her eyes open and she turns to look at you. Not all the way because the moss is kind of restraining her. He goes, That is very kind of you to say, little boy. And the moss pulls out. Oh, it grows. It closes. Like it rises and falls. Oh, yeah.

It animates dead people. Can I know what she looks like? I can tell you what she looks like for sure. What you can see of her face is almost like imperious. Like she looks like maybe she was from a noble family of some kind. A queen. Kind of, yeah. She's got a very queenly demeanor. But her skin has kind of taken on the hue of the moss. Like she's got this sort of sickly green-blue color. But besides that, her skin looks young. She looks quite youthful. Her eyes are yellow. Her eyes are yellow.

Like gold. Gold. They shimmer with a light from the other side. She's like, What brings you to my tower? We came here by accident. That is good. Then they, they do not know where I am. Who? Who doesn't know where you are? The hunters. Guys, there's hunters. Are we safe in this room? Are we safe here with you? You are safe. For now. Um, who are the hunters? The hunters are the ones that took my people and punished them for the egregious acts of the people. The few.

The good that we did in the world was ignored. And we were hunted. Are you a wizard? Some have called me that. Are you the moss wizard? She laughs a little bit. I suppose you could say. Do you know the frog guy? The frog? Oh, Perel. Huh? Huh? A colleague, a friend. He's our friend too. And we're looking for him. She like turns her head more than she has yet. And the light in her eyes gets brighter. Yeah.

The light starts shining brighter and a sheet of moss starts pulling aside a little bit before you see the moss like move back down and grab onto her face again. She says, he survived. Yes. Mm-hmm. And we're hoping he's still safe, but he's lost in the sea. The sea. He should not be. He should not be. He should not be. He should not be. He should not be. He should not be. He should not be. He should not be. He should not be. He should not be. He should not be. He should not have come here.

I came here to hide. I wave at her with the harpoon in my hand. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. Hi, I'm Tuck. My name is Tuck. I called dibs on you. I just wanted you to know that. Stop. So gross. How does she respond to that? She doesn't. She goes, but if you are friends of Perel, you are friends of mine. Oh, thank God. Yeah. We all just, oh, man, we drop all of our adventure gear and pull the harpoon out. Oh, my God. The blood. I'm just smearing roots on it. Yeah, I'm poulticing that.

I've torn some of my clothes off to wrap a bandage around your hand. Thanks. You're welcome. Billy, you could have chose a different part of your clothing. Yeah, Billy like very gently and nicely like wraps a bandage around my hand. And I'm like, thanks so much, Billy. And I look up and he has no pants on. Hey, no problem. He just waddles away with his pants in the air. He's like trying, his big, the clap of his ass. Fucking fat baby butt. Yeah. Yeah.

So she's like, I hope my tower did not cause you too much trouble. It caused some. In what way? Thing holds up Tuck's hand. I mean, technically I did this. Yes. But it was a result of the traps that you laid. Yeah. And the moss man, he was not very welcoming. And the stairs were a problem. Yeah. Did you know your stairs have a huge hole in them? I did. Yes. So on purpose? It is. Yes. Okay.

The traps and agents of mine, such as Pete are deterrents for those that would enter my tower and do me harm. Hmm. Moss guy's name is Pete. Yes. It's a little joke. I don't get it. I don't get it either. It is not funny to most. Do you need help out of there? Oh, I cannot leave. Why? My life has long since ended. This moss is the only thing keeping me alive. Is your memory in the moss? That is one way that I will live on. Yes.

But I continue to live so that my energies may, protect this tower and the secrets that it holds. Like what? Press my face further. Press the more. Yeah. Say it fogs up. During the slaughters, I had to flee my home, but I could not bear to destroy my research and my works. So I brought them here so that they may be protected until such a time that some would come to retrieve them and do good with them, as I had hoped to do. When was this? Was this before the Exodus? Exodus.

The leaving, yes, it was. Why didn't you leave? I was afraid. Who was hunting you? Oh, many. The elves. The kingdoms of men. Those that wanted our power. Those that served a darker power. They were. There were many that sought to do us harm. Darker power? What's that? Oh, there have been many throughout history who would make packs with minds beyond reason and embody a fraction of their power generally to do harm. Where were they from? What did they look like? The warlocks took many forms.

Anyone with the will and the recklessness to contact the outer dark. And willingly take a fraction into themselves. They were not ones to be trifled with. Wait, the outer dark, like, from the religion of the flame? The religion of the flame does speak of the outer dark, yes. But they are not the only ones. So they, they used the outer dark to do magic? This knowledge is knowledge that many have risked their lives and the lives of many innocents to gain.

Not information that I will give away willingly. I have had many dealings at the height of my power with the warlocks. And she looks at Tuck, she says, and I can recognize those touched by the darkness. What? Look at Tuck. Touched by the darkness was just a band I toured with once. Oh, yeah. Do you like them? They let me play bass once, but I was mostly their roadie. But they let me play bass once. Not as part of a show. They let me play one of their basses one time.

And then I touched the glass. And I'm like, it was pretty good when I did it. And I leave a bloody… And I'm like, oh, shit, sorry. No, she doesn't say anything else. And I try to use my wrist strap to, like, clean it up. Smear, smear, smear. Is your knowledge contained within the moss or within… I had a thought many years ago. Books contain knowledge, but they are for the holder only. Books are a privilege. The privileged often have more access to them.

So I thought perhaps that I could contain my knowledge in a method that would spread across the world and make my knowledge for all. You mean these moss dudes? The moss. Things such as peat. They're really mean, though. Oh. Peat is only trying to protect. Well, we ran into another one that seemed to be eating people. Is that so? Yes. That is a shame. Whoopsie. Whoopsie-daisy. She's got that classic wizard, like, well, that's too bad. You can't make an omelet without eating a few people.

Wasn't that area, though, like, a room full of books and stuff? Yeah. Oh, yeah. There are many of my colleagues whom I gifted my works to before things got really bad. So are they spread around? All your books? I should hope so. Oh, my God. There are some here. I have my closest texts. Can I see one of your books? She, like, big breath, like, can you be trusted? For those who have glimpsed the shadows, and she, kind of looks away from Tuck almost, knowledge such as this can be a temptation.

Can you be trusted? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He shows her his amethyst. Oh, yeah. I'm still a tree, yeah? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Have you not? Can I be trusted? Check me out. Look at this tree. You're a moss woman. I'm a tree man. Give me the books. Also, here's the spirit walker. She probably doesn't know what that is. Okay. That's before. That's what I told her. I was like, this guy's a spirit walker now. I told you. We need a theme song. Oh. Try to improvise one. Is that so?

And here's a spirit walker. Now's not the time, Tuck. Okay, sorry. Oh, God. He goes, ah, nice. Pleasure to make your acquaintance, spirit walker. And you, great master, I, you may call me Aquarian. Yes, Aquarian. Wow. Aquarian. If you are compatriots of my colleague, Perel, perhaps you can be trusted, but you must prove your strength of will. Hmm. How? The vault containing my works is the most protected and deep chamber in this tower.

Should you reach it unscathed, unharmed, or at the very least alive, you may be able to do so. You will be allowed to look upon them, not take them, but you may look upon them and gain some of the answers you seek. If you should die, well, I believe Pete will appreciate the nourishment. Cool. What if, what if one of us is like a, kind of like a wizard, like a small little baby wizard? And she like struggles to look over to you again? It's me. I'm the little wizard. I'm the little wizard.

She, she, she squints a little bit. Oh, you are one of the fairy folk. Yes. Oh, it has been many, many years since I have glimpsed one of you. What? You know others? I have met one or two in my time. Oh. Dangerous. Really? But powerful. Okay. She says, well, if you are one of the fairy folk, perhaps it will be. It will give you an advantage in reaching my vault. But simply because one of you walks between worlds does not mean that you are not without the temptations that all have for power.

It is temptations that have brought many of my kind low. And with your, forgive the expression, simple mortal minds, you must work for it. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. To have, though? Like, would it help? Philosophically, perhaps. Perel and I have different modes of thinking, different academic backgrounds. You're both into green shit. Yes. She laughs at that. She actually snorts. We are.

Him and I spent many days researching in the swamps and marshes of the world. Those were good days. Are you Perel's wife? No. No, no. Friend. Oh, okay. Perel took many lovers in our youth, but I was never one of them. What the fuck? You took them, like, where? To Applebee's. To Wapplebee's. To Wapplebee's. To the midnight double features. Perel was shameless. No, that's not true. To the bear in the chair. The bear in the chair. I forgot about that place.

The bear in the chair he always lost, but he always tried. Perel took many lovers, yes. He had the same urges and compulsions as anyone who lived his life as a man before his magical awakening. He used to be a man? Yes. Many of our kind began life as mortals before they were chosen in some fashion. How was Perel chosen? Do you know? He? He told me the story once or twice. I understand it was quite a trying time. Do you remember? There was loss and death. That is all I remember.

It is his story to tell. I like that, that every wizard's story of how they became a wizard is their own to tell. Yeah, totally. Is there something in your vault that can help us find Perel? Get to him and save him? Okay, here's what I'm going to say, Sean the Game Master. There is, but what is it? I could totally just come up with some weird magic thing, but I kind of want, this is kind of a cool opportunity for you guys to get straight up, hardcore, from the golden age, magical technology.

Okay. What could it be? To get to him? Or to help, yeah. It's basically just what would benefit you. It's either something that can help us get to him or something that can help us protect him. Protect him. Like I wonder, her moss, if it's all the way in land and stuff, it must go under the sea. And it's like sea moss. It can kind of survive in any climate. So I wonder if… How far her reach is. Yeah, her moss must reach really far. I was thinking too, it's like diatoms in the ocean.

There's little plant materials where all of Earth's oxygen comes from. It's a little plant material. So in the way that when she can disperse the moss through water in a cloud, rather than a form. So maybe you can go a little further. Like if she created like this like wave where we could see this current and follow it. Oh yeah. That's a good idea. Yeah, like when you have like a bloom. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Of algae or whatever. Algae, blue. Imagine like a blue road. Oh yeah.

I'm trying to think of just like super fantasy shit too. Like… Yeah. Yeah. Like a magical suit of moss armor. Moss that just lays on your body and protects you. Yeah. I was kind of thinking along those lines too. It could be like a piece of moss that like she designed to adapt and like act as like a prosthesis. Oh. And then it's also like an extension of her consciousness to some degree. So if you find this thing in the vault, like if there's like just like a… I imagine like a…

A terrarium. Like a terrarium with a ball of moss in it that is like maybe like a little pet almost kind of thing that like if like Bing just touches… Oh, fly out of the navigation. Is it what's that? Oh, he has a little creature. Yeah? A little buddy. Yeah, yeah. So it's like Bing just touches it and then it becomes his hand. And then it's also a way for her to be like, this will allow you to control the diatom roads that I've created in the Sea of Graves. This is so cool.

Man, people are getting so horny for this. Okay. She thinks for a moment, big breath in and out. In the vault, you will find a small crystal terrarium containing a beautiful piece of work that will carry with you an aspect of my knowledge and also perhaps make your friend whole again. Shapechanger? Yes? I see you have been wounded. This may help you. Okay. Yeah, we'll do it. What do we need? You will need a method by which to carry my work. And she breathes in and out.

And the moss along her chin pulls down and away across her chest, revealing a silver chain with an empty, looks like glass bobble on the end of it. She says, you must take this with you on your journey to the vault. And when you arrive, this will allow you to carry my work with you and an aspect of my knowledge. No problem. How do we open this thing here? Ving starts looking for hinges in a latch. I hope you understand that I am quite fearful of allowing you inside my chamber.

But please reach, small one. Yes? Reach your hand through. And the moss parts and a very shaky hand. Comes up from her side and grabs the necklace, pulls the chain off her neck and very shakily extends and places the necklace in your palm. Thank you. And another huge breath. She goes like, and pulls her arm back in and settles it back in the moss that grows back over her arm. Thank you for the trust you've shown me. Thank you for the trust you've shown us. We'll take really good care of it.

I suspect that you will. Billy hands it over to Ving. And Ving just opens up his furs, puts it into his amethyst chest. So it's just like settled in the middle of your chest with this like wall of amethyst around it? Oh, the sides, from all sides, crystals grow and tink. They meet it, like three of them. Yeah. Totally. Tink, box. It's still open. It's like open, like, yeah. Boom. Ving's body is getting weirder and weirder. Tell me about it. It's so cool. It's a fucking tree right now, man.

With an amethyst knot hole. Yeah. A fucking Iron Man Groot over here. Yeah. Really mashing universes. So she says, and with that, your challenge has begun. The first was to gain my trust, which you have done. Many would be not willing to put themselves through such dangers. For knowledge they may not be able to utilize. So that is the first step complete. The second is a challenge of faith. And the room starts to rumble. You hear like, Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's happening?

As the moss ripples underneath you and forms this like wave that pushes her crystal chamber aside, revealing a sheet of moss that ripples over an opening that seems very similar to the opening in the stairs. You get the feeling that there is a huge opening underneath this carpet of moss. I can smell the air. Yeah, I can feel like, you know, when like a deep hole, all that like cold wind brushing out. Yeah. Stale air. Yeah. Like air that hasn't been out of there for hundreds of years.

Vin gets that feeling underneath his balls and knows that he's standing on the edge of a great precipice. Yeah. Oh boy. Hey, Aquaria. Yes, little one. Did you die? Are you alive? I am alive, yes. But the moss keeps me so. When the bad times came, they came for me and I made them regret it. But not before they did violence to me. I came here to this tower to hide and was able to entomb myself with moments to spare. And now if I leave, my wounds will overtake me and I will die. I will die.

Do you ever want us to come back for you? It would be nice to have visitors. Okay, we'll see you again. Thank you. Good luck. And we hold hands. Okay. One, two, three. Good counting, Billy. Whoa! And you jump. And that is where we're gonna end it for today. I've been your game master, Sean O'Hara. Joining me as always, playing Fat Billy, the Halfling Thief, Jessica Tai. Bye, everyone. Playing Ving, the Half-Elf Druid, Paul Oppers. Take care. Playing Tacoma Dome, the Barbarian, Abdul Aziz.

So long. Thank you to Aaron Reid for our intro and outro music. Thank you to all of our amazing susporters around the world. Patreon susporters, social media susporters, listener susporters. Review susporters. Review susporters. If you want to review us on iTunes, we would not say no. In fact, we're saying do it. Please. Please. Not a five-star, review, then you can go eat my schnuts. Anything less than five stars and we will know. We'll send you a box of schnuts to eat on camera.

We're on at Spout Lore in most places. Go to the Facebook Spout Lore fan club. That's fun. Reddit r slash Spout Lore. There's some cool discussion going on there. We're just having a great time and we're glad that you're having a great time with us. Thanks a lot, everybody. We love you. We love you. We'll catch you next time. We love you. We love you. That was forced. Ours sounded sarcastic. Ours sounded sarcastic. It's forced and sarcastic. Yeah. I legit love you all. I love you too.

I'm going to say it to you guys. Okay. I love you guys. Aw. That was for the audience. Yeah. Yeah, that's nice. Okay, bye. And so ends the tale of adventures three who tried the best they can though dumb and scared and lost they be for times of rest and revelry and though our journey may be like a conclusion we will not leave you without a resolution return next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores and for you I'd gladly spout more

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes, noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape, and wields a spear with great might Peely's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends, and listen close For the tale's about to start Hello everybody and welcome to Spelt!

I'm your game master Sean O'Hara Joining me as always playing Fat Billy the Halfling Thief, Jessica Tai Hello Playing Ving the Half-Elf Druid, Paul Oppers Hello there Playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian, Abdul Aziz Fuck you, yeah hi What? No fuck you, you said his name all weird and slow No no no, let me do that good Alright Hi There we go Can I get a second read?

Hello Hi Hello Hey, let's all do our favorite accents Howdy Hello Good good Oh Uh oh I should've guessed, I really should've known I knew that your accent was gonna be Yoda Save it, save it, save it Racist I am not But When last we left our heroes they explored the green What?

Explored the green pillar After being set upon by a hulking mossy form Ving, using his quick thinking and his ability to control the elements Created a stone maze around the beast Quick but limited thinking Not thinking to perhaps entirely enclose the beast But somehow just give it like a nice summer activity It would've been so funny if the maze was just like four feet high Waist high Yeah it just steps over it And you're like you're breaking the rules of the game!

You're breaking the rules of the maze! Guys we gotta go he doesn't respect the maze!

You spent all that time making like dead ends Yeah exactly So we have to turn around Oh god Yeah and the moss monster just grew over top of it Yeah And the party skittered on through the doorway and down a set of stairs Which was revealed to be a pit covered in a sheet of moss Tuck did a pretty cool John Wick swashbuckler move Jumping across the pit and slamming his axe into the wall so he could hang there Then tie a rope via Ving's harpoon so the other two could swing across It was the perfect plan And it failed so miserably Ving whipped a harpoon through Tuck's hand How's your hand pal?

It hurts still But the poultices are our health equipment Did you just put poultices in the hole and then wrap it up?

Yeah I molded him a new hand Out of poultice Billy and Ving began to swing across Until Billy realized he was being targeted by the monster Who whipped a pile of detritus at him Billy let go, fell down a hole Ving shape shifted for the first time in a long time Into a big ass snowy owl Catching the sweet baby boy Billy and ensuring that he did not die Ving then turned into a tree Went up the hole Saved Tuck, saved Billy And just carried on as if nothing had happened Thank god for all these weird abilities Yeah we're two dumbasses and you saved us all I shot our friend I shot our friend And in the next chamber they discovered The final resting place of the wizard Aquaria The aforementioned and much discussed moss wizard Who lay in repose upon a stone dais in a crystal chamber Being kept alive by nothing but her precious precious moss And after a big amount of exposition What were some key things that we learned from Aquaria?

The guy's name was Pete The moss monster's name is Pete, yes Um, we… There was… Oh, there were warlocks Warlocks are a thing Yep, warlocks exist Which she suggested are people that willingly contact the outer dark And take on a piece of it To become powerful Yep, pretty sick If I do say so myself, pretty cool Just really cool Uh, what… Oh, Perel started his life as a man Mm-hmm Perel and Aquaria spent time together?

Yep But didn't fuck No But Perel did have a pretty active sex life, she said Which is… Yeah, apparently A weird thing revealed Because he was overcome by the… Because he lived as a man He ended his mortality in an age where he was just constantly…

Also, being a wizard at some point would have been like being a rock star Totally Oh, yeah That's probably why he dresses so stupid Oh, the gross leather The leather pants Yeah That's why It's because he never had to look cool He was a wizard People were gonna sleep with him anyways Yeah, it's like if you met Gene Simmons but there was no cultural context for anything that he did or said Yeah You're just like, you're such a loser Oh, God If you knew who Gene Simmons was and you met him, you would probably say he was a loser Yeah, totally He seems like a creep Okay, yeah, so Perel is a man Uh, Aquaria was wounded during the war and is now confined to this chamber for the rest of…

As long as she wants to be alive And it was a war with the hunters? She just referred to the hunters Like, it doesn't sound like… At least the way she said it doesn't sound like it was an organization It was just the people that were like, that's enough, we're gonna kill you And it was across all races and kingdoms and stuff Yeah, it was every… I just wanted to add that it did sound like it was an organization when she said it Oh, yeah, no, it wasn't Well, I mean, oh, who knows? Who knows?

But she did say elves were included and kingdoms of men Kingdoms of men And then warlocks And warlocks Yeah I'm sure others too Totally Such a fucked up situation if the warlocks, they go to the war and they kill the people Yeah And then warlocks Yeah I'm sure others too Totally Such a fucked up situation if the warlocks, they go to like, kings of men and they're like, I have the power to kill the wizard Totally Wow In your city So corrupt Yeah And it's like, the men are making these like, shady deals with these shady, shady dudes Where are the warlocks now?

Who knows?

Maybe they're still around, maybe they all died So she was wounded She asked to stay here or she'll succumb to her wounds and die The moss is the only thing keeping her alive She says that she came here to hide her knowledge Because she didn't want it to get to her But she also said that she gifted the blue moss to other wizards in an effort to make her knowledge more accessible So she only gives it to people she trusts She only gives it to people she trusts I think part of it might be too that it's not like, everything Yeah Like the worst texts that she has, she probably left out of the moss She was like, there's some shit that I don't want anybody to read, but I also don't want to destroy it because I'm a wizard And she said that she could help you with Perel provided that you proved your worth, by trying, by traveling to the vault of her tower, overcoming the challenges therein There's gotta be some challenges that have to do with our purity of will Yeah, totally Yeah, that we're not Warlocks Warlocks, and we're not like, people who are like, all wizards are bad, all light guard are good Like we're not polarized No, we're nothing Yeah Up there Yeah We work for five gold coins a day, whatever the job We'll take two Plus expenses And we never get paid, I don't think We got paid once, we're not getting paid twice Oh, sick Dan You got paid, oh, Dan did pay you Oh yeah Well, you shook Dan down Force of the game Yeah Yeah You kicked in his hotel room door and you were like, Dan, fucking pay us Oh man, I miss Dan Yeah Where is he?

I wonder if he ever got back to shore He did, he was like 50 meters away But just staring out like the open ocean Yeah Eventually he'll turn around and be like, oh Oh my god A lifeguard probably swam out to him Hey, are you okay? Oh! Holy shit You swam so far to save me Thank you Sir, turn around A kid goes by with water wings on We're like, what? And he touches the lifeguard's face as that's happening He's like, you're my prince My savior Shall we marry tomorrow at dawn?

He's dehydrated, he's been swimming on the sea for so long He has never been to sea, so the second he got thirsty he was just drinking handfuls of sea water This is perfect, I'm right here Oh my god, there's so much water What does that mean? Water, water everywhere and not a drop to drink I can fucking drink that Remember that sentence?

Maybe Dan's the one who came up with that phrase It used to just be water, water everywhere Okay, that, go down, get the vault, she has a thing in there which she suggested is something that she worked on Which will integrate with Ving somehow and help you get to Perel She gave us a bubble to contain the thing Yes And then he put it in your like chest crystal And it integrated with it It did Yeah, it seems like Ving's body is like taking all comers Like whatever you can jam in here we'll use Paul winked at us Yeah, because it sounded hot Yeah, he'll take all the comers I got a soft nine right now Yeah Anything else?

And Paul Uppers as the half druid, go on Fuck machine Yeah, half druid fuck machine Oh, she suggested that Tuck had been touched by some darkness Oh yeah She was unwilling to give you any more information about the warlocks because she was worried that it would be tempting And she, that's why she's like you gotta go get your ass kicked before I can let you into my vault Because if you are unworthy then you will be destroyed Yeah, and the first test was a leap of faith Getting her trust Yeah The second test was a leap of faith Oh right Yeah Where we find our heroes now Falling down a hole We put Billy above us Yeah, hold him over your head Yeah, grab onto a cheek Like a rifle in Vietnam I don't think it's really gonna do anything And Go limp bud You fall in this huge like cushion I knew it, she wouldn't hurt us Is Tuck's axe lit up?

Yeah Okay, then yeah you fall in a huge pile of moss Oh cool Huge You know when you're like in a water bed and you're trying to move Oh yeah You're like pushing into it but not really getting around too much And you're just in this big pile of moss I'm gonna say thank you moss And I'm gonna start crawling my way down Yeah, so you pat the moss, say thank you moss And you start moving forward and you realize that the moss doesn't feel as soft as it did a second ago And then you realize you can't really move your fingers that much And then you all start feeling numb Oh no No, no, no Yeah I'm gonna get off the moss Ving, it's at this point that the mud and grit on your joints starts hardening up Whoa Oh guys I can't move It's harder to move And then you're seeing, so your joints are locking up because of the mud and then you're losing feeling in your limbs because of the moss What the fuck What does the room look like?

It's, so it's a pretty big chamber, the light from your axe doesn't reach the edges Oh okay You just see moss We just see moss all around us Like at least like, you know, 20, 30 feet on either side it's just moss Okay You want to discern realities Yeah, you want to discern realities With the axe Yeah, I want to discern realities Okay 2d6 plus Wisdom Okay Nine Cool, so you get one question from the list What is useful or valuable to me?

Okay yeah, you see, you, I don't know how you do this but you're just like really looking around like oh my god how do I get out of here I'm willing to be brighter Okay yeah, so the crystals Yeah And you see ahead of you 60, 70 feet away is a doorway Okay And it's literally the only other feature in the room Okay It's almost entirely full of moss Okay The moss like crawls up some of the walls to the ceiling, like it's this huge nest of moss So are we just numb or are we paralyzed?

You're becoming paralyzed Oh no You're numb right now Ving is probably going to become paralyzed pretty soon Can I, is it possible to use evasion? I mean there is a move that lets you know more about things Oh duh That you guys always Spout Lore That's the name of the show Yeah Immediately Tuck was just like what is going on? Not what do I know Alright Sean can I Spout Lore? Is that cool?

2d6 plus intelligence I think you get a plus one because of Tuck's discerned realities Oh okay, so 7, 8 plus what?

Intelligence Well, 8 then Okay something interesting but not useful Okay I would say that they as carnivores have to have some degree of intelligence however primitive which you have heard means they also fear things They fear alcohol Yeah They fear alcohol Yeah They fear alcohol Yeah They fear alcohol Yeah They fear alcohol Yeah They fear alcohol Yeah They fear alcohol Yeah They fear alcohol Yeah They fear alcohol Yeah They fear alcohol Yeah They fear alcohol Yeah Things that burn obviously Burn Yep probably fire Fire Should I just use escape route and apply it to everyone?

Escape route that's a perfect move Well can I apply to everyone?

I don't want to just be the only one to live Well read escape route Okay when you're in too deep and need a way out name your escape route and roll plus dexterity On 10 plus you're gone On a 7 to 9 you can stay or go but if you go it costs you That's perfect Yeah so it's perfect to get Billy out Okay So you're going to take Billy out Yeah Okay So you're going to take Billy out Okay So you're going to take Billy out Okay Okay Okay Okay Okay I mean I gotta see my friends I know but one of you being free is better than none of you being free should we just do it I think because you're being numb it's gonna be two rolls unfortunately there's gonna be a defy danger dexterity to even move quick enough so 2d6 plus dexterity nice 9 can we aid it with that yeah I guess you could if you can come up with a way we held him up when we landed true so you're being held aloft I'll accept that you got less moss juice on you well alright I'm rolling a d6 2 you feel burning as the moss starts eating into your flesh what the fuck I guess because he's wood so it's more sensitive oh yeah you're still a tree can you become on a tree you have a hold how many holds do you have left 1 1 16 16!!

5 damage as this moss just you feel a burning in your calf oh start running so does Billy just like bound across like skitter across the moss my feet and like little calves are so red yeah you get you get to the other side and you like get to the doorway where the moss ends yeah and you get there and you realize it's like a four-foot layer of moss and you're like oh my god that hurts so much I hope they're okay and then you realize it still hurts and there's a patch of moss clinging to your calf oh get off!

And it's still burning oh can I tear it off we're gonna go to Ving okay never mind what's Ving's plan mmm grow into the ceiling I'm gonna send some roots up and sink them into the ceiling get out of this thing can I take tuck with me you can spend the hold to grow into the ceiling and get out of this I will say yes I will say that you can't grab tuck yet because you're still feeling all fucked up yeah great okay you know what Ving's pretty good too you reach up and just grow out of the moss and adhere yourself to it and you can't get yourself to the ceiling so you have this hot hot hot an upside down birch tree yep sick great tuck you see that happening what do you do can I use war cry to intimidate the moss we did say that it does feel fear for certain things that's why I planted that seed earlier because I was trying to force the story in this direction yeah I would be really interested to see you do that and this I mean this is how I've done it for everybody else you're gonna have to roll a defy danger first to even move okay yeah okay defy danger can I like power through to the other side?

To try and grab Ving?

Like just be like yeah defy danger strength oh you strong boy 12 there you go wow so your mighty arm punches through this moss and grabs Ving as he grows into the ceiling it's like a reverse terminator yeah he pulls your thumbs up out of the moss ow fuck pull it out pull it out grab my whole hand you asshole I jammed it into a random hole and that wasn't random that's a very specific hole my thumb is in his tree butt he's screaming there cause it's so jarring it's in my tree butt it's in my I'm two knuckles in it oh wow and the thumb doesn't have that many knuckles I know down to here whoa he's hand mount of venus deep mount of venus you fucking astrological nerd uh alright yeah so you've been yanked out of this moss you're feeling pretty numb but you've got an opportunity and some safety I wanna do war cry alright with a thumb up his butt with a thumb up my friend's butt wow this alone is intimidating I think I can't believe we're rolling with this your thumb is up his butt thing Ving's got a war cry going up his own but you're clenching hard right it's true it's true it's true but here's the thing I think it gives us a plus one on this is Ving's been doing kegels yeah I've been doing my kegels yeah I've been doing my kegels why is it kegels isn't it strengthen your butt I think it's kegels oh yeah I'm saying it right it's not a bagel Jessica is this not a fantasy world that we're creating sorry you're right oh kegels kegels are for everyone kegels are for everyone in this word the human body has a muscle called the kegel that flexes the butthole yeah mm-hmm mm-hmm and Ving's been working on it it's true to loosen it yeah so Tugg starts sliding out No, no, no, no, no.

Okay. Okay, so what is War Cry? War Cry is when you enter the battle with a show of force, plus charisma. You can't enter the battle with a show of force. Why not? What's your show of force? I know what I'm going to do. You have to tell me. You have to tell me what you're doing so I can tell you if it applies. I'll tell you after I roll. No, you can't roll if you don't tell me. No, well, fuck you, because it's in my head. It's my intellectual property right now.

I'm the game master, not a game person. I want to remind you that all this time, there's a huge thumb up my butt. Can we get this rolling, literally? Yeah, all I'm saying is that if you can't enter the battle with a show of force, it doesn't work. Okay, I'm going to piss myself. That's not a show of force. Yes, it is. It takes pure power of will to let yourself piss all over yourself. And also, because moss is a plant, which means it communicates through the chemicals that are in water. And…

I've been eating a lot of crab, and I've been secretly drinking seawater. Tuck, you haven't. I will not allow this sequence to be you stick your thumb up Ving's ass to save your life and then piss on a monster to win the battle. Okay, well, the first half has already been established in his canon. The thumb is up the butt. So now what comes next? What about my love for you is like a truck? What the fuck? You're trying to seduce somebody with a show of force. No, no, no. It's working.

When you perform a… Defeat of strength. Name someone present who you have impressed and take plus one forward with a parlay with them. Okay. Ambrosia. Or rockware. Really surprised. Ambrosia. If you even, if you literally even just dropped onto the moss and swung your axe attempting to harm it, you could then do war cry. I would like to intimidate this moss. How? I want to shit on it. I can feel myself being worn down. Not persuaded. Worn down.

I want to piss and shit myself right now as a show of force to intimidate this moss. Just, please, just pick a way that makes… I want to shit myself! Whatever. Fine. Do it. The quality of the game apparently does not matter. You can do whatever you want. I'm being ground down like the stone of ages. Oh my God. Sick. So it's plus charisma. This is embarrassing. Fail. You fail. Fuck you. Five plus two is seven. I have a partial success. You get a minus one because I'm mad at you. No, you…

You have performance anxiety. You get a seven. What are you trying… So what did you do? And what are you trying to achieve? I passed… He did a number one. He did a number two. I did a number one. I did a number two. I did a number three. That's a secret one that only Tuck knows about. This is exhausting. What? What is number three? He puked. So in what way would you turn this into an intimidating act? It's… The moss has been in this pristine room this whole time.

And it's like, oh, my stomach acid is threatening it. And like, I have so much salt in my piss and shit. And so much crab meat in my shit. I have gunpowder. I hate that the like stomach acid thing makes more sense to me. So my enemies feel fear and act… So my enemies feel fear and act… Accordingly. Yeah. Your… Your shit and your piss are so toxic… That when they hit the moss, the moss pulls back and leaves a circle underneath you of… A shitty, pissy circle. A shitty, pissy stone.

Full of barf. And it's at this point that you feel yourself piss and shit and barf. And you feel the feelings of them passing through you. And you realize you have mere days to live. You will die within 36 hours. And you will die within 36 hours. No, it's just like, oh, my God. I literally can't handle this. I know. Neither can I. Neither can I. No, it's so funny. So that's what happens. There's a bare space beneath you. And I say, piss to meet you. Oh, God. Shit of the morning to you.

Shit of the morning to you. Thanks. And then I… And then Ving lets go of me and I drop back down into the shitty, pissy circle. Yeah, you lay an ankle deep in your own piss, shit, and barf. There's a lot in you. I made a sacrifice for all of us. Can I just say that Billy's looking across the room at this, like… Horrified. Yeah. I'm trying to interpret this face. It's both humor and anguish. Yes, I can't tell. This is my dad. Yeah. I'm like, he's such a fucking hypocrite.

Like, whenever I do that, he gets mad at me. And now he gets to do… Whatever. Billy's language. Sorry. Thank you. That's the only thing. That's the only thing he's concerned with right now. A mouth forms out of a knot in the tree and goes, Billy. Language. And so that's the situation. Ving, it's at this point that you turn back into Ving and you fall ankle deep into Tuck's piss and shit. Hey, thanks. You're welcome. I touch him with a shitty hand. And that's where you are.

You're surrounded by four foot high moss. I use the axe as a broom to push my… To push the mess that I made forward forward to get to Billy and the door. Oh my God. There is not enough piss and shit in here to get you all the way through the room. I think I know how much… Ving pulls out his jar of gunpowder. There we go. Somebody with problem solving abilities. Okay, so I spread out a line of gunpowder on the ground and get Spark. Set this thing on fire.

And this line of gunpowder starts burning slowly, smoldering in the moss, creeping forward. It's pulling back? Ooh, the moss is definitely pulling back. It's being burned. Like, that section is being burned and pieces of it are starting to flee. Sick. Billy, you cool? Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just trying to unlock this door. Yeah, Billy, there's a locked door ahead of you. Yeah. It is very well made. I bet. Tricks of the trade, please. Damn. Oh. What's it called again? Oh, plus dexterity.

I'm sorry, is that 14? Did I roll a 14 on this door? Four fucking teen. Four fucking teen. Shit. Hot damn. So, let me consult my notes. Oh, it's weird. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Did I roll a 14 on this door? Four fucking teen. Boom. Hot damn. So, let me consult my notes. Oh, it's weird. This is just like 64 point text that says, I don't like Abdul anymore. Sorry for the smell, guys. Oh, now it's on fire, too.

Can we do a cutaway to what Aquaria is smelling up top as the, as the, The shit starts burning. From around her bed. Yeah, she just goes. Also, the room is starting to fill with smoke, so we have to get lower down towards the shit. So stupid. Oh, wow. So here's what happens, Billy. You open the door so well, so perfectly, so subtly that the door opens before the next room has a chance to properly activate. Oh, whoa. Cool. You got to jump on it.

And actually, you walk into this chamber and lights around the perimeter of the room start lighting up. And it's this surprisingly small chamber. It looks like it's 15 feet on either side, 30 feet long, 15 feet, a door. But what you do notice, Billy, because of your resounding success, is the shit smoke from the other room billows into this room. And as soon as it passes the threshold of the door, you see it start bending in weird ways. The room start bending?

No, the smoke starts going at right angles and like diagonals all over the place. And you see a little tiny plaque set just inside the door. What does it read? What does it read? It reads, designed by Morris Wadge, master of arcane architecture. Oh, don't go! Okay. Cool. And now it's at this point that you, Billy, you feel the like, womp, womp, womp, womp as the magical energy. Starts to ramp up. Oh, should we follow the smoke? Is it guiding us?

I will say that that gets you a plus one to your first roll to figure this out. Oh. Can you do a trap expert to figure it out? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Trap expert. Let's get a 14 again. 11. 11. Another success, boys. Why are you British? I don't know. Because the British are always like, they feel really superior to everyone. Yeah. Remember, that's what Billy does when he's trying to act superior to people. Yeah. Oh, right. Yeah. He always does a British accent. Wow.

And he is making this dungeon his little B. Yeah. Yeah, totally. Yeah. We're talking. We're like, wow, he's really feeling his oats right now. Oh, hello, talking thing. I already opened the door. Don't even worry about it. Hold on to your piss and shit, boys. Guess you already didn't. Ooh, roasted. All right, pal. Let's crack on, lads. And then he just stumbles into the next room. Great. So, yeah, you get three questions from trap expert. Oh. So, first question, is there a trap here?

And if so, what activates it? Yes, it is. And entering the room. What does the trap do when activated? You feel this room magically is much, much larger than it looks. Oh. And you can feel the energy of, like, space and time basically being directed in a very strange pattern. It's a maze. Okay. So, what else is hidden here? You see in the middle of the room. Okay. You see in the middle of the room.

You see a small plinth that rises about four or five feet off the ground with a large brass key that's sticking up out of the plinth. I think it's way cooler if it was, like, a stone-like puzzle. That's not what it is. Fuck. It could have been so much cooler looking. Yeah, it could have been. Morris Wadge isn't really interested in that. This is an argument that Morris Wadge had with Aquarian. Yeah. Shouldn't it be like a puzzle box? Shouldn't you shut the fuck up? He's like, this is my prison.

And this is, yeah, do it to you. This is my puzzle. This is my puzzle. This is my puzzle. This is my puzzle. Once you're a master of arcane architecture, you can choose what the button looks like in the middle. What's that? What's that? I can't hear you from your crystal coffin. Fuck, Sean. God. A tarnished brass key. It's a brass key in a plinth in the middle of the, and then you turn it and something happens? Can we just follow the smoke? I feel like it's leading us.

The smoke's going to dissipate. It's not going to go all the way there. I had an idea to turn into water and try and fill the chambers with water and it would just, it would. Fill up to the dead ends, but then also would find the exit. So you're trying to turn into like a bunch of water to fill the chamber? Yeah. Interesting idea. This is perfect because I smell terrible. Plus we need to wash things up. It's a good bath. Okay. Yeah. Go ahead and roll shape shift. Okay. Shape shift.

It's supposed to wisdom. Holy shit. 12. 12. 12. You guys are rolling out of control now that there's like puzzles and shit. Yeah. This is what your strong suit is, is puzzles for some reason. Yeah. Yeah. I solved a puzzle by shitting a pit. Yes, you certainly did. And you called it a strong suit. It's about transitive property. You approve of what I did. Don't fucking touch me. Wash your hands. All right. Yeah. So you turn into water. Yeah. Yeah. He blows up like a Veruga Zolt.

So you're a humanoid water thing? Yeah. Oh, I thought you were just water. But then. No, I mean, then I go to the first. And then, yeah. Oh, jumps up in the air and. Cannonball. Grabs his knees, lands at the mouth of the maze and. Whoa. Cool. And out of that splash, it's just gushing a bunch of water. So from where you two are standing, Billy and Tuck, it looks like the chamber just starts filling with water. But Ving, from your perspective, you're traveling like acres.

Like it's just you're whipping around right angles. You're going upstairs, downstairs, back and forth. It's like a water park at the mall. Yeah. You feel things moving. You feel things moving in the maze. And you're just whipped around as you slowly start figuring out the design of this place. And it is massive. Holy shit. How are we going to get everyone through this? What if you make a current? Yeah, that's a cool idea. That's very cool. I'll make a current out of shit.

Say, how do you like it, motherfucker? Cool. Yeah. Yeah. Get to the other side. Wow. Shapeshift is a really powerful move. Yeah. It's a bit of a deus. You guys should probably still roll for it. I guess because there is danger. Yeah. You have to hold your breath. Ving felt things moving in the maze. I bet there's dead ends. Yeah. Yeah. There is definitely dead ends. I'm at the key. You're at the key. It stands before you.

A stone plinth with an ornate brass key sticking out of a keyhole at the very top. What do you do? I say, this is pretty fucking lame. And I try and turn the key. That's not a thing that water does. What do you mean? I make a vortex and turn it. Okay. Then I don't think that you could do it powerfully enough to turn a key in a lock. Okay. I will. I'm just saying. I can't give it all to you like that. I have never seen Paul roll his eyes that hard. I know.

I feel like you guys are not respecting my authority. No. I respect. Full respect. You lost it when you made it a stupid key. It's super cool, you know? I think you lost it when you let Abdul shit his way out of that other room. Oh, trust me. I know. Okay. Can I use one of my holds to make the current so that I can get Tuck and Billy to me? Okay. At least. At least do the key. Totally. And I would like Billy to be able to do that for trap expertise. Oh, yeah. Totally.

But you guys are going to have to roll defy danger of some fashion. Tell me how to make sure that you don't get like fucking dashed against the side of one of these walls. I think mine would be constitution. You're just going to take it. Yeah. You're just going to get fucking your ass kicked. I'm going to go limp and just let whatever happens happens. Okay. Yeah. Go for it. 2d6 plus constitution for Tuck. Ooh, baby. Five plus three is eight. Oh, yeah. Okay. Okay. Eight. Roll a d10.

Roll a d10 for me. Five. Okay. I think what happens is you lose sight of Billy almost instantly as you're getting rushed along and you're traveling for, it feels like miles in rapids and you go around one corner and standing in front of you is this towering armored figure with armor with these like maze like designs on it and it reaches down with this spear that accordions back and then forward and just. Stabs you in the chest. What the fuck?

And then the current just grabs you and is like, nope, not that way. And you just get swept around a corner and pulled away. I take five damage. Five damage piercing. So the whole thing. Billy, how are you? How are you doing it? I'm going to get on my back and float. Use my fat to my advantage because fat floats. So what are you? What stat are you using? Dexterity to float. Okay. Yeah, that works. Maybe you're shaping your body. So you're moving with the current. Yeah. Yeah.

And when you, when, like when Billy would see he's going to go, oh, I'm going to go to the other side. I'm going to go to the other side. Yeah. Yeah. And when you went like when Billy would see he's going a weird way, he would like, like grab an edge or. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Instead of tuck. It's cutting back and forth between us and Billy's like, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh. And then Tuck's just like slam, slam, slam, slam. He's stabbling. He's stabbling. He's stabbling so much.

Billy's just doing soft circles. Little feet are kicking. Yeah. It's kind of like when he would play in the river. Yeah, totally. Swirling his hand. It's like a little. Swirling his hand. Swirling his hand. It's like a leap. So I also got eight. Okay. I feel like it's the same thing. Like Tuck gets pulled out of that corridor with the maze guardian and he sees Billy for a second getting pulled into that corridor. He's like, no, no, no, no, no. Billy's already there. Yeah. And yeah, roll a D10.

Ten. Whoa. Ten. Oh, oh, oh my God. Holy shit. What are you at? Six. Fuck. That's not good. So I think it's it stabs at Tuck. It's like a. It's like accordion spear out as you come around the corner and it sees you and it's like, again, really, really tall. Yeah. And it stomps forward and slices along your body. Yeah. Oh, fuck. And I'm literally crying and like sad baby tears. Bleeding. Yeah. And bleeding a lot. A lot. And I don't really care about floating anymore.

And yeah, Tuck and Billy, you after like minutes, like a long time of being pulled along, you wash up like in front of this key. I'm unconscious. Oh, Billy's. Yeah. They come in the room and Ving's ready to high five them. Like what? Did everyone have fun? Billy? Bilbo? Billy! Are you turning back into Ving? Yes. Smooch. They just dropped to the ground. Yeah. I use my poultice herb. I heal seven. Oh, this takes time to like the poultices take a while. It's like applying medicines and stuff.

Okay. How much time? Like 20 minutes? Yeah. 20 minutes to the point where in the distance you hear like thump, thump. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, no, no. That's the problem. It's just going to do it the normal way. It's fine. I've done this a million times. What does the trap do when activated?

What the trap does is it drops four walls in the room that you're in and reveals something. Oh. You get the idea that it is dangorous. Yeah. Yeah. What else is hidden here? You are looking at this dais like there's got to be something else and you find a panel that slides away. Oh. Revealing a small wooden puzzle box. No, that's more like it. Can I grab it? You can. Okay. I take that out. Yeah. And as you pull it away, you see another little metal plaque behind it set into the stone of the dais.

It says, nice work. Thanks. Oh, cool. Cool. So it's like a gift from Morris? It seems like it. Is it another house? Sorry. Yeah. Oh, puzzle box house is a cool idea. We don't know what it is. We'll figure it out later. Do you still have that puzzle order, Chuck? I do. Maybe we should make them kiss. See what happens there. Mash them up. So, Billy, you're standing on top of the dais now looking at the key and you're like, what's the trick here? There's got to be some sort of magical danger.

And you're like, oh, wait. And you turn it counterclockwise and it's just a room again. The whole maze dropped away in an instant. Fold it up. Cool. Okay. Actually, maybe that's a cooler description. You see the wall start folding in. Oh, yeah. Like it's clacking. Yeah. Yeah. And they fold into themselves and then they fold into the floor. Oh, yeah. And then we see like panels closing. Yeah, totally. So cool. Yeah. That's really neat. You've solved Morris Wadges maze puzzle. Sweet.

So there's another door. This one is not locked. And it opens into a much physically larger chamber. Is it like a massive, beautiful library? It's shaped like that. It has like the cathedral ceilings, but there's no books. Is it like Christ Church Cathedral? Yeah. Okay. It's surprisingly tall. You get the idea that maybe Morris put a little juice into this one because it shouldn't be able to hold this tower. But you see something that seems very un-Morris Wadge.

In the middle of this room, you see a large ornate stone statue of a frog. Perel. So Morris and Perel are in the middle of this room. Yeah. Perel must have helped her either escape or design this as like a last resort. Maybe they were like friends. Well, she said she was friends with Perel and I bet they were the ones who built all this to keep her safe.

I wonder if they saved her after she was hurt or if like they worked together and she was like, I feel like the end is coming soon and I need a safe zone. Maybe they were both in love with her and that's why they don't like each other. Oh. Or maybe they dated each other. It was suggested. It was suggested when Perel first saw that portrait that him and Morris have a past. Oh. So this is more interesting to me than the warlocks.

That'd be really cool if they were both in love with her and they begrudgingly worked on this together. Oh yeah. She brought them together. They thought like my puzzle room will be better than yours. Yeah. I'll save her more than you will. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. You'll have to get it out of one of them probably. One of them? Aquaria or Perel. Oh, okay. So, okay.

So what you see in this room is in each of the four corners, there's a stone lily pad, just a few inches off the ground on a mechanism of some kind. You glimpse a doorway behind the frog. That's the last doorway probably. The door is like slammed, sealed shut. No holes, no handles. It looks like it's set into the wall and floor. And in the far right corner, going all the way up this cathedral ceiling into a crack in the wall is blue moss. Is it well lit in here now? Yeah.

It's come on around the perimeters of this room as well. And it's crystal globes. But the light and the shadows on the cathedral, like masonry and stuff, it's very beautiful. The shadows. I smash one of those globes and I take the crystal inside. I want some crystal. You smash the globe and you realize the globe was the crystal and it winks out. Oh, fuck. Come on, man. I'm sorry. So there's one less light. Last time that was just in the thing. No more of that. How big is the globe? Fist sized.

Okay. I just take one of the other ones. It's adhered to the pole that it's on. Fuck. Okay. Everything's stuck together. Can I crack the pole off? Yeah. Okay. The crystal winks out. Fuck. It's getting darker. I broke two. It's trying to put it back on. No, no, no. It's good. It's good. It's good. Ving, can you take away the axe? Give me the axe. Go get it back at the end of the venture. Okay. Here you go. Thank you. It's fucking heavy. Billy, your danger sense starts going off. You look over.

Pardon me? This is the danger sense. My schnoz. And you look over at the moss and it starts moving. Oh, man. Aquarium. It breaks that lily pad and the moss starts pulling that stone into itself and it starts slithering across the floor to the frog statue. Oh, shit. And so, yeah, it's like Pete has started to grab things around the room. Oh, my God. Can we make fire again? Pete. It is us. Friends of your mom's. I know your mom. I'm your mom's friend. Your mom's friend, Ving.

You just shifted into uncle and mushroom. Yeah, totally. And it keeps moving towards the statue. I toss, tuck his axe. Yeah. You're gonna need this. I grab it. Thanks. Oh. Billy, you see they're doing this like ornate annoying handshake. Guys. Sorry. You look behind at the sheet of Pete moving towards and you see the hand. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Frog statue spins 45 degrees. The lily pads control the statue? I'm not going to tell you. Can we discern realities maybe about the mechanism? Yeah, totally. Does somebody want to do it? So who has the most wisdom? I have plus two. So you do it.

Okay, I think it's those lily pads over there. We just need to find a way around. Fuck. Fuck. Fucking holy shit. Snake eyes. Snake eyes, how is this possible? Fuck. I'm good at that kind of rolling. We have had four snake eyes. That's unbelievable. Well, I think what happens is Pete wreaks more havoc upon the puzzle. The sheet of moss has grown up over the frog statue now and you hear crack, crack, crunch as it starts coming apart. And the frog's arms move into arm shapes of moss on either side.

The stone frog head settles on top of the humanoid body. And it's this like moss slash frog like giant basically. It's about eight feet, nine feet tall. I'm going to just attack it. So one of the tags that Pete has is a reach, which means that he's got a longer reach than you, which means you have to get inside his reach before you can hit him. So how are you going to do that? Just going to let him hit me. Okay. Two to six plus constitution for defy danger. 14.

He nails you like he whips a chunk of stone at you from that distance and you just let it glance off your shoulder. Yeah. I'm running. And yeah, that's totally what happens. Like I can see it coming at me and it does like kind of graze a little bit, but I'm just like, boom, and I keep going. Yeah. Sick. That's great. So now you've got you've gotten up in front of this gigantic moss monster. Yeah. What do you do? I want to smash the largest piece of stone that's a part of it with the axe. Yeah.

Hack and slash nine. Can I aid by shooting an arrow of volley? Yeah. The harpoon. Yeah, I know. I have I have crystal volleys. Yeah. He's got like the little crystal projectiles. Shit. Cool. Yeah. Two to six plus bond. Nice. Eight. Yes. Okay. Great. Roll your damage. Five. You swing your axe at one of the flanks of frog stone that it integrated and it just shatters into a million pieces and you slice through this huge chunk.

You meet some resistance as the moss gets pretty dense in the middle and your axe just comes out the front of them and it steps back a little bit. I want to climb up one of those like poles to the crystal globes and I want to use that crystal to like amplify my magic. Okay. Yeah. Interesting. Defy danger dexterity to get up there without like drawing the ire of Pete as you're doing it. Okay. I'm going to do it secret snake eyes. How in the goddamn shit holy fuck tuck and Pete are mixing it up.

Ving is throwing crystal spikes. Billy starts jumping trying to climb up this wall to grab a crystal torch and tuck smashes the stone and Pete's arm sweeps down to pick it back up and just whips it at Billy like a fucking trebuchet and smashes not only the one that Billy's trying to grab but like three or four. Down the length of the room. Like it's just smash scattershot. Okay. Well, I dropped to the ground and I start running to the next one. Cut to Ving. You're right, Billy. I'm fine.

It's just getting dark. If I touch on this lily pad, I know that the frog's been taken over by Pete, but will it still turn the stone? Maybe we can direct Pete by getting on these lily pads. I mean, you could go try and touch one. I'm going to go touch on. Okay. Defy danger dexterity to get there without getting nailed. Okay. Yeah. You dodge a bunch of like stone. Yeah. Tuck, you're standing right in front of it. Right in front of Pete and Ving, you jump on it.

It goes click, pops you up a little bit and Pete spins 90 degrees. Sick. So now he's facing to the side. Oh, cool. Get him in the back of the head. Yeah, I'll do a hack and slash. Yeah. On the back of his head. Seven. Okay. So that's deal your damage and he'll deal damage to you. Two. Okay. You slash through like a chunk of his arm and a piece of stone shatters and some moss falls away. The arm that's facing away from you.

He pulls into his body and it shoots out the other side and punches you right in the chest. Okay. Roll a d10. Two. Okay. It's not too bad, but you take five damage. Billy, what's Billy doing? I've clambered on to another one. Yeah. And I'm going to put my hand basically just wrap myself around it. Yeah. Oh, sorry. You got to roll again to like Oh, yeah. Please. Holy shit. Opposite. Fuck. Yeah, I got 14. There you go. Whoop, whoop, whoop. Right up the wall.

And I really want to make like this big shooting ray like of magic to like sever Pete. Oh, interesting idea. Oh, I think that instead of it being raised, it would be like a more raw field of energy because Billy's not like a trained wizard. He's just just dumping everything he can into it. But these crystals resonate and amplify magical energy. So that's totally something you could do. So 2d6 plus charisma. Yeah. Phil. Oh, you just failed. Okay. What do you think?

What do you think a failure looks like for Billy in this regard? Oh, no, it hits my own crystal through like the just the bag and I feel it like shatter in my bag. I'm like, fuck. It's like you have too much power going to a light bulb. Oh, yeah. I think like crystals along like closer to Billy overload and shatter in there. Oh, I let go. Yeah. The one Billy's touching goes bang right in his hand and I fall to the ground. The one in his pocket. Roll a d6. Oh, sure. Now it's the fuck.

How many do you have left? I have 13. Okay. Tuck or no. No. Yeah. What's you realize that the lily pad is still connected to Pete in some way. It's connected to the rock parts of him. What if like you guys keep pushing it? Keep pushing it because they twist him, right? Yeah, they turn him. So what if you guys keep pushing the try a couple of the same time to yeah, just like fucking hammer button mash the shit out of those and it will give me like openings. Can you holler? At me to do that?

Billy what? Keep pushing those fucking lily pads. Okay. Bing moves off the lily pad and it's like, hey, a big hard and soft piece of shit over here. And then he turns around and incites Pete's angry to fight Andrew dexterity. He whips a bunch of stone at you eight. So then I jump out of the way and onto the thing. Okay, you'll be able to press this one like you like, hey, you dumb little moss bitch and you jump on the lily pad and press it and Pete. Spins around now.

He's facing away from tuck and he whips a bunch of stone out of a little moss pseudopod and it shatters the lily pad that you're standing on. Oh, so you're not going to be able to use that one again. Okay, but tuck this gives you an opening while he's off balance. I kind of want to do for the blood God.

You're initiated in the old ways the ways of sacrifice choose something your God's value blood gold bones of the like and when you sacrifice those things as per your rights and rituals roll plus wisdom and on a 10 plus the gym will grant you an insight into your current trouble or a boon to help you on a 7 to 9 the sacrifice is not enough and your God's take from your flesh as well. All right. So what does that look like?

So he's what he's going to do is he's going to like start head butting the rock head of this thing like out of rage and anger. Yeah, that it's been so fucking hard and like Billy's taken so much damage. Yeah, totally eight. All right. What's your damage die 10 roll a 10 to okay, you feel your own nose like crunch a little bit on the rock, but Larry Terry and chatter like hey man, what's what's going on? Can you guys destroy this fucking rock moss guy moss no rock. Fuck.

Yeah, you can feel the axe like vibrating your hand like Oh, it finds a frequency of the rock. Yeah, I feel the axe vibrating and I I take a big swing can I like smash through one of the rock pieces and yet the vibrations propagate through all of Pete. Yeah and like basically turn all of him into dust all of them. Yeah, well the all the rock parts the rock parts not all of the rock. Okay. Yeah. So like the head just crumbles away. Yeah the arms and stuff.

So now he's just this like kind of unstable pile of moss. He's starting to lose his humanoid form roll a hack and slash real quick as part of that. Five six seven. Okay, roll your damage 10. Oh baby. Oh baby baby. So you smash those that piece of rock it all just crumbles to dust in his body and he's flopping around trying to like his the torso part of him like flops back and he's trying to stay upright and you just whip your axe right through the middle of him.

You catch his whole torso section and he falls into two sections of moss. Can we like burn him now? Yes, you could. Definitely try because there are now two smaller side two smaller chunks of moss and they're starting to reach for pieces of rock. I want to run in and like what do you call it? Tummy slap just like belly flop tummy slap. Yeah, I'm fucking fire tummy slapping. Oh shape shift as I'm running. I'm going to just flame on shape shift. Fuck. Yeah burn baby burn! Oh nice eight.

Yeah, so you get one. I'm going to let you destroy one pile of moss. Okay. Yeah, so you're just running as your eyes. I'm starting to ignite yes. I'm flames licking off the back getting a poof poof poof, you know bigger bigger bigger so many wild gestations gesticulations gestations of fire coming out of my legs and I land on one. Yep, and it just is immolated. It's immolated by your fiery form. I just take it like my making out with it. Yeah, and it's like tea bag and I'm burn balls burn burns.

Yeah, I get behind it and I start doing this behind like I'm this is more crude than anything. Oh, yeah, I agree. Yeah, I should fire on it. I be fire on fire on it and then as you're doing that since that hold is spent. You're eventually just being again and you're humping the air a bunch of ashes, but he's humping the air triumphantly. Yeah, Billy, you're like pulling yourself to your feet and you see the last chunk of Pete like crawling towards you across the ground out of fear.

I curl up and like send out my last thing of magic that I can okay defy danger charisma. Okay. Please fucking shit. Oh, yeah. Sorry. 10. Okay. So yeah, Billy lets out this. It's like you're like a distress call like a death whale almost like no. Oh, yeah. Embarrassing scream as I get into a little ball because I really think I'm going to die. Yeah, and Pete has like reached up like off the ground.

You see the little like gross moss roots underneath as it flops up and then that pulse of energy makes him pull back and crunch down into himself and pull himself into this like two feet across just pile of moss and he's not moving anymore. Yeah. Oh, the threat of Pete has been eliminated. Wow. Fuck. I just walk up to the door on the other side and I start hacking at it. Fuck this. I don't want to be in Perel's room anymore. His room sucks. Four paddles that turned a fucking frog statue.

I'm ranting at everyone as I'm smashing at the four fucking paddles that turn a goddamn statue. What the fuck is good about that? Stupid fucking Perel with his tight ass chaps is ready set spaghetti bullshit stupid fucking hat. You shouldn't even save him. We should just like go home. Yeah. Do you want to go home? I do. Perel piece of shit. So I hope you can feel all this. I just kick a rock.

Here's here's what I will say about the room is tuck is destroying it in anger and I guess everybody's just walking around kicking shit over like fucking Perel. Fuck you. And so tuck as you're wrecking this place. Here's what you guys learn. I'm just going to tell it to you because it's so funny because you're in the method of destroying it. You're learning more about it than you ever could have. Yeah, like crazy. People taking part of radio.

Yeah, tuck is smashing the shit out of this door, which as you get closer, you realized is carved in the aspect of hanging swamp vines. It is made of the same stone as everything else in this tower. It looks like the tower was just kind of carved out like a beehive and everything was using this stone and as Billy and Vinger going around and pushing over lily pads and spitting on shit or whatever making sure this stupid room is never usable.

Yeah, and destroying everything you realize that what was supposed to happen was if you pressed the lily pads in a certain order. Yeah, the frog eventually would have faced the door and the stone would have transmuted into swamp vines creating a curtain that you would push through just to get out. It was a puzzle except Pete was in here and he ruined the whole thing. It was a puzzle that Perel was probably really proud of because there's some pretty slick transmutation gear.

Yes, because involved transmutation and frogs. Yeah, exactly. And you think the frog statue would have transmuted the door. So he would have sent out a beam of transmutation, which is pretty cool. Can we do a quick flashback to him explaining it to Morrison Aquarium being like this is really cool.

It's like so here's the idea is I've created the statue with nodes underneath it that that channel transmutation magic and once the lily pads have been pressed in a specific order, the transmutation beam will travel through the statue and turn the door into swamp vines. Let me guess. What's the statue in the shape of? He looks right at Aquaria. I haven't finalized the design yet, but I had some ideas. It's a frog and Pete is there sitting next to Aquaria's like fucking frogs again. This sucks.

This is what Pete sounds like. That's Pete's voice when he talks to Aquaria. She's like Pete, just so you know everything I do is moss. Just kind of the way we are. So talk you hack through this door set in this gigantic Cathedral wall and you create an opening that the three of you walk through into Aquaria's personal study.

What do we think it looks like when we crack through like we're hit with light and it's this small like 12 foot long kind of like maybe six feet wide room that's arched at the ceiling and there's bookshelves.

With books and a window at the very edge of like at the end of the wall that we're facing is just all window and a curtain of moss from the outside covers it from what would be the sea of graves and there's like a crystal lounge sort of like seating place that Aquaria would have read and you can tell that it would have been like padded with like thick moss but that's long since died. There's like a ratty super aged silk robe that she used to wear.

A little table with what would have been a cup of tea and like open books. And yeah kind of like it's sort of like a homey like if you ever went into one of your professor's offices where it's like there's just like stacks of books and like papers all over the place.

There's a copy of Love and Lust on the ottoman next to the chair and it's there's there's also like a tapestry on the wall that like you can see it's like a battle when Tuck looks at it he recognizes it as like being very similar to the tapestry that was on the wall of Maggie's office in the what was the name of that oh the clear water in the clear water yeah there was like a tapestry there that had a battle on it too and it's like kind of the same and it's like clearly like a magic battle happening there yeah and in the middle of the room is a small pedestal with a roughly cut dome crystalline dome like a bell jar over a very bright blue small chunk of moss it's brighter than the other stuff it's like and it's emanating a soft blue light sweet so you step forward to the bell jar you remove the glass and you pick up the ball of moss and you bring it close to your chest and the crystal of the terrarium that Aquaria gave you opens and reaches for the moss as you place it inside and it closes around it and as you remove it from the pedestal the curtain of moss on the crystal window at the other side of the room parts and reveals the expanse of the sea of graves ahead of you you're hit with this bright bright light and in the distance far away you see the skies darkening and a pillar with a funnel of dark cloud pulled down to the very top and that's where we're going to end it for this week I've been your game master Sean O'Hara joining me as always playing Fat Billy the Halfling Thief Jessica Tai bye everyone playing Ving the Half-Elf Druid Paul Offers take care playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian Abdulaziz so long thanks to Aaron Reed for our intro and outro music and thanks to all of our amazing supporters check us out at Spout Lore most places on the internet thank you so much and goodbye and so ends the tale of adventures three who tried the best they can though dumb and scared and lost they be for times abreast in revelry and though our journey may be like a conclusion we will not leave you without a resolution return next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores and for you I'd gladly Spout Lore and a few more

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes, noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape, and wields a spear with great might Peely's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends, and listen close For the tale's about to start Hello everyone, and welcome to Spout Lore, coming to you live from sunny California I'm your game master Sean O'Hara, and playing Fat Billy the Halfling Thief Jessica Tai Good morning As always is usually what I say, and as always playing Ving the Half-Elf Druid Paul Oppers Hello there And as always playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian Abdul Aziz Hi everybody When last we left our heroes, they had undertaken the challenge of the Green Pillar Guys help me out I'm just, trouble Yep Lots of stones and rock, frog Yep We solved a bunch of puzzles Yeah Yeah It was a way of gaining the trust of the bedridden wizard Aquaria And after completing a series of puzzles, one quote unquote designed by Aquaria One designed by master of arcane architecture Morris Wadge Can't wait to meet that guy honestly And one designed by our very own Perel The party undertook what might be the most difficult fight they've ever had But the challenges were overcome and you arrived at Aquaria's personal study Retrieving a ball of magical moss from a terrarium that is supposedly supposed to aid you in finding Perel Is supposed to contain an aspect of Aquaria's knowledge and also do something to help make Ving whole again she said She gave us like the little crystal Yes, a crystal necklace Yeah In which to house the moss And Ving put it in his like chest geode Yeah Yeah And put the moss in there Yeah So now it is the chest geode and the moss are integrated Tony Stark right in there Yeah exactly Yeah Iron Man 1 and 2 Yep And a curtain of moss pulled back from a window in Aquaria's study revealing the eye of the storm far in the distance A tunnel of dark clouds being pulled towards the top of a pillar in the distance Hmm That's where we find our heroes now That's the place That's it Guess that's where we're headed Yeah I feel like really strong tugging Wow On the ring in the in his beard that Chimes gave us Mm-hmm It's like on an angle now It's like really Sticking out of your beard Not horizontally quite yet but yeah it's like you really tugging Yeah Yeah That looks annoying are you okay You want to take that off I mean we can see it now you don't have to wear that anymore It's good yeah I still like it it feels nice Okay You're not gonna have to fight your way back through the tower like if you want to get back to Aquaria you'll be able to But do you want to look around at all?

Or are you just gonna bounce? Willow wants to sleep Oh yeah We yeah we probably need to rest to charge back up our hit points Mm-hmm I'd like to study the essence of the moss while we rest Oh yeah that's good Which moss? Blue moss The one that's in your chest? Yeah Oh I see I think that's where the complication comes from right?

Because the moss is magical and spirit energy and magical energy are antithesis of each other Ving can't traditionally communicate with it Ving can't traditionally communicate with things that are purely magical Yeah Yeah Okay It's like when you have a limp penis and you're trying to get it When who has a limp penis?

When you know sometimes sometimes Some I don't know Pete some Sometimes you just have anxiety and you're Yeah it's not like a thing it's not like a It's not like the vagina is too hard Sometimes it's just like you're thinking about Why can't they both be so mushy?

Other stuff and it just doesn't go in no matter how much you try and shoehorn it in with you I have a big company to run probably maybe Yeah exactly Sometimes you're just thinking well I hope it stays hard Yeah And then when you feel something you're like is that it getting soft and then it's a fucking feedback map Man you start thinking about all your hopes and dreams I want a dog someday that's not making me horny Shit So and then that's sort of what Ving is going at in Ving's head as he's trying to commune with He's trying to get this essence down But you all want to rest Yeah When you do nothing but rest in comfort and safety after a day of rest you recover all of your hit points I would like to stay here for 24 hours what do you guys think?

That's fine Okay Do you have food? You have to eat Um How sustaining is this puzzle artichoke? Great question Do you guys have anything you can eat? Did we give them all the pomegranates? Yeah Did we give them the cheese? Yeah Okay I mean I could try and make food Oh yeah Billy can make food Yeah Alright so what are you trying to turn into food? Um that teacup Okay Mmm I'm gonna look through the books too when you're done Yeah What are you trying to turn it into?

Oh um hey Tuck what do you feel like eating? Um oh wow I don't usually get a choice I'm gonna need some time to think about it He walks to the window and just like One hand on it Puts his hand on it and he stares out at the waves Ah And he comes back to you and he's like Bread Great So what's what's switcheroo to do six plus charisma? Yeah Fuck six Oh I will uh I would like to aid Yeah How? Do you want to I could aid too cause it's for me right?

Sure yeah Yeah Ving's busy browsing through piles of books Okay And I just described the kind of bread that I want Yeah Like I want like uh Italian urban cheese baguette Like you can't put it some way Yeah and I and I'm like I've never had that Yeah So I'm trying to figure it out And I'm trying to describe it to him I was like Sometimes it smells like a fart and tastes like it but it's good It smells like an air freshener and tastes like paper towels And it's so soft it's almost liquid And the fucked up thing is literally everybody wants to eat it all the time It's so good Plus Bond Through I can't I can't see We failed Five Okay Oh fuck I think the I think the problem is is that I think Billy does turn something into food Uh huh But it's something valuable that he owns Okay so I had like my hand on my hip and one hand on the cup cause I was like Cause you were doing a tea cup Doing a tea cup I guess I meant to make it seem like he was thinking really hard but yeah basically I'm a tea cup short and spout But oops Jordan stop Oh oh stout lawyer Can I can I make an executive decision and tell you what you turn to food Yeah All of your weapons What oh fuck Your sword and your knives turn to food So all this like weird fart bread like falls out of my bag No you're just like well that didn't work something happened though and you like pull your little short sword out and it smells like fresh baked bread Ah shit Fuck Is this what you wanted Oh yeah am I gross Oh yeah and I grab it and I eat his dagger Exactly So you and uh you and Tuck can sustain yourselves for the day on all of Billy's weapons but now you are weaponless If you wanna deal good damage up close you're gonna have to find new weapons Okay But yeah so you'll be able to rest for today Okay I'm gonna make Billy some weapons too If you do that that will be strenuous and it will not count as rest I think I can do it in a way that's like pretty chill though I'm willing to let you pitch me on this And I take the egg I take the egg to the wall and I'm just like click click click click click No Just chipping pieces off You're literally mining That's not restful It's just like chill mining It's like some casual quarry work No absolutely not Well I'm gonna say you can do that but you will not rest I do it for ten minutes and then I get bored And you just hand Billy a rock like I tried What are you trying to make it's just rocks Are any of these useful Just throw these at a guy if you get in trouble bud Okay It's not bad you got a handful of rocks Yeah put that in your inventory Pile of rocks Honestly well handful of rocks Handful of rocks weight one Yeah I mean but like I'm in the ocean I can find rocks anywhere It's true this is really good This is like when your dad gives you a gift that he didn't think through at all You know hey here's some scuba lessons What the fuck What the fuck are you doing When did I ever express interest in scuba lessons?

I don't have any scuba gear let alone the ability to go on a lesson And it means so much to him that you at least accept it So like put it in your inventory it's useful right Yeah I do thank you Tuck These will be really good when we fight the storm He's trying to make him feel good But also be a kind of a bit of a shit Yeah by accident Also something that we never talked about Is Billy's racial trait as a halfling Is that he's really good at throwing stuff Billy gets a plus one whenever he rolls to throw things Why don't you tell me that?

Because it's on your sheet written down in front of you I don't look at it For literally hours every time we play I don't look Sean we are barely literate I am fully aware I'd hoped after four years though you'd at least recognize like symbols We're so unliterate that when I'm like You said unliterate I didn't question it This is a rare opportunity where the nerd in the group gets to bully the jocks Jocks I mean you might as well all be jocks at this point Ving's licking some slime mold off the wall like you poor bastards Man Must be rough Hey Ving you told me I should never do that Yeah don't do as I do There's a lot of shit you're gonna see me do that I don't want you to ever do pal Looks so good though It isn't Just like scraping dust off a table and licking your hand This is edible dust For me edible for me There's good rust in here This is daddy's special dust Okay yeah so Low You guys do like low impact stuff Okay Discern realities Yeah discern realities about the room Nice Two to six plus wisdom Ten Holy shit Fuck yeah Yes You get three questions That's a small room guys thanks though And we're gonna come up with these together Okay Because like I don't know Sure This is a wizard study that's pretty cool Yeah There could be some cool stuff in here So what are you gonna ask There's a book Yeah Magical meteorology book Ooh Yeah Cool What is that It's the myths and lores around magical weather systems Cool Cool Like weather mages Yeah Sick And you have that book and you can Spout Lore about it or flip through it at your leisure But you've got a book on magical meteorology So we don't have to do questions for these That would be what here is useful or valuable to me Oh I see Yeah What's the next question What here is not what it appears to be Jessica Jessica Uh Billy's trying to have a nap And he's like rolling himself into a corner He lies down in the middle of the floor and then rolls into a corner Yeah basically Me so sleepy Yeah And that's how Billy takes naps traditionally He just lays down where he is and then rolls until he finds a comfortable place And you know when like kids are like kinda like kicking around like on the floor Yeah You know Yeah Um Yeah His foot slides on the bottom of one of the bookshelves and it's a panel that opens up Yeah Oh shit What's in the panel Abdul Um oh like there's a little notebook Oh okay Yeah Yeah What's in the notebook It is a bunch of notes like rough notes Mm-hmm In three different handwritings Mm-hmm One is like very neat and orderly and it's got a bunch of like diagrams and stuff in it One is like very flowing it's like clearly a woman's handwriting Hashtag yes all women Oh I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go Oh woman Oh woman Oh woman Oh woman Oh woman I might be using that not totally accurately but I'm sure I got close wow and then yeah the other one is like kind of cramped kind of messy sort of like all over the place and that one has like a lot of like biological drawings and stuff in it it goes from cursive to block letters to cursive yeah he's like very disorderly in how this third handwriting is and you can see that he's tried to smudge a bunch of stuff out with his hand there's a lot of mud stains on it so is this like a sisterhood of the traveling notebook situation?

I think so it's a notebook that the three of them share that have notes on like things that they were researching independently cool and they would just like deliver it to each other maybe every once in a while through probably magical means I think the subject matter would have been something that they were all invested in and interested in and we will discover what that is at a later date yeah cool Paul what's your last question? I'm gonna want to know what should I be on the lookout for?

Abdul a way out that will get us on our way to the pillar so you don't want to have to go back so we don't have to go back up through all those traps Jessica is there one? Yes what is it? When Billy kicks aside that panel grabs that book and is excited about it and Billy's still like rummaging not rummaging that's not the word scrubbling scrubbling?

Yeah no that is the word rummaging's not the word scrubbling that's what I meant sorry I misspoke oh I've had too much coffee scrubbling so Billy's scrubbling around in there he's scrubbling he's in the corner of like the wall in the bookshelf and like still kicking around and he's like and he actually like nudges the bookshelf away from the wall and there is a tunnel oh cool yeah alright it's a small tunnel tuck may barely fit sick that's great yeah so I guess unless there's anything in particular that everybody else wants to do you just pass the next day and rest yeah I'm reading this old copy of Love and Lust out loud go chapter three chapter three oh it's a dated copy yeah yeah Brazilda the Older One the orc walks into the tavern she's wait this book is in the second person present tense yes Brazilda the orc walks into the tavern she is heaving and huffing filled with so much anxiety and fear that her lust is blooming wait sorry third person second person is you isn't it that's how they all are written Sean have you ever read like 500 romance novels like I did once yeah summer no but parts of it are second present tense yeah you see Brazilda walk in huffing and puffing so hard that her glasses are fogging up like some nerd if you buy her drink go to page 17 if you go to the bathroom go to page 44 so romance choose your own adventure choose your own romance oh wow yeah so which one do you guys pick I'm sitting on the chair I'm like which one do you guys pick oh I'm fast asleep I asked you to read it like a bedtime story 17 17 so he goes to the bathroom get her a drink oh get her a drink so I flipped to page 17 what does page 17 say Brazilda says I would love a drink and asks you for a hot hogwash I was gonna say a hot dog forget the drink make it a hot dog she says sitting down at the bar and patting the stool next to her you walk over she gazes at you with a smoldering fire in her eyes if you keep eye contact turn to page 25 if you turn away coyly go to page 28 which one do we do coy okay Jessica we've turned away coyly what's the next no Jessica the person not Billy what's the next segment wait what was it again turn away coyly yeah so Brazilda's an orc holding a hot dog and what's the dude's name just you just you oh just you you turn away coyly you turn away coyly you turn away coyly you feel your face start to flush as you feel Brazilda Brazilda Brazilda's gaze upon you you ask you turn to the waiter and you say one hot dog please actually and you turn back make it two and then she's already holding one those look delicious I'll have two of those the waiter brings you the hot dogs and do you slop it with condiments first or do you eat it dry pick page 24 and 83 okay wow that's a wide range of pages this book is 400 pages I love choose your own adventures okay so is it 20 do you slop it with condiments or do you eat it dry you I go to page 83 no you don't eat it dry eat it dry eat it dry yeah yeah yeah so then the next segment is you you push aside the condiments and the waiter and grab a hot dog in either end of your hands and you at this point it is umming and ahhing this much no wonder this book's fucking 400 pages long you bring the hot dogs towards each other and let them touch softly in front of your lips as you take a bite of both the hot dogs at the same time and uh um ask her what does your dad do yeah yeah um it doesn't even have a choice this is hard yeah turn to page one turn to page one to find out what happens next so uh turn to page one she says you're my dad in the end fuck uh I think we ruined it you ruined it yeah you got the bad ending turns out you're her dad damn it I'm gonna I'm gonna keep this book try and find the right ending and I'm gonna count that as an outlander move take a point of experience what I don't know actually everybody take a point of experience alright I didn't do anything but sure oh no everybody took part in love and lust I enjoyed that a lot and so you all heal back up to your maximum midpoints after a day of rest there's also a copy of golf digest and a copy of mud affairs in here yeah seems like she was subscribed to some mailing service must have been really hard to get it there like based on current understanding of the postal service yeah how would it even get here there's a small carving of a bird it looks like stone but it's carved out of wood really dense hard wood uh huh it's a small like stylized carving that like things like that kind of looks like underbird I'm gonna do you think she would can I take this can I can I do you think I can have this guys do you think she would mind if I I mean she can't do anything I guess I could put it what's that you want me to have it she wants me to have it oh okay I didn't hear that but that's thank you the moss in my chest said I should take it the moss in my chest said I should take it and my spirit ears heard her want me to have it I feel guilty I'm gonna take it what's this bird carving I don't know somebody somebody fucking spell Laura oh fuck I have six plus wisdom intelligence intelligence six so!

Get off me okay yeah so Ving is like I don't I don't fucking know and uh Tuck remembers hearing stories like books written like you know pulp adventure novels basically written about the golden age of wooden birds delivering messages oh cool and you're like this seems kind of familiar and in the stories there's always like an activation phrase and then you're like oh I'm not but you don't remember what any of them would be so it's a little wooden bird figurine kind of looks like the hood of a of a firebird from the 80s with a like a like a V shaped thing so it's a flat carving uh no it's a little yeah it's a little it's embossed okay it's got some meat to it okay cool that's the kind of game this is you guys can tell me that you find loot and I go okay cool that sounds cool well I want to find a loot now well what does Billy find a loot he finds a loot yeah yeah he's sitting on the floor with a loot bigger than him like look what I found jang jang jang jang jang jang and Vig and I are like absolutely not where the fuck did he find that thing oh it was just down in the tunnel yeah it was behind Billy can I have that loot you lost mine when you no you lost mine no I found this one fuck oh that's so fucking funny but I mean it's bigger than Billy so he's not gonna be able to carry it Billy do you want me to carry your loot no I know it's a trap Billy's getting to that age where he's real recalcitrant to do anything fuck yeah terrible twos nines terrible two thousands yeah it's also it's a very pretty loot there's a lot of like uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh ornate like gold inlay yeah so I'm just rubbing it not grossly just I don't know it just feels nice sometimes what Billy thinks isn't gross transfers over to to gross again uh but yeah the sun has come up over the sea of graves as far as you can tell it's quite overcast today there's actually there's rain lashing against the crystal window yeah can I do one more thing before we leave depends on what it is I there's that tapestry that I described last time that had a battle a battle on it and we didn't get to oh yeah look at the one that was in the clear water mhm could we inspect this one the Spout Lore uh yeah sure oh I gotta roll for a Spout Lore ooh a ten holy shit sick I've never succeeded in Spout Lore this is amazing you were meant to do this yeah holy fuck I think the reason why I can is because this artwork and this style of artwork is like commonly like not just adapted and aped but like copied for album covers because uh copyright law in the principalities is dog shit well but it's also a very old tapestry mhm so it's got that kind of medieval style totally where perspective is really weird everything's flat yeah and everyone just kind of looks like a like a paper doll mhm what this one that you're looking at is is in the center of the tapestry at the top is a a robed figure with a halo like behind their head um with their arms outstretched and surrounding them is a very dense detailed army so the robed figure is a wizard I'm assuming you're assuming yeah yeah it looks like there's three distinct groups with different styles of armor and weaponry but they're all converging on this robed figure at the top oh what are the three groups tell me about the three groups uh there is one group that is entirely mounted like they're all riding horses uh huh and they're all cavalrous yeah in a cavalrous manner but they're very they look very lightly armored they have a lot of pelts and leathers like for hats of interesting shapes and styles and they're all holding swords there's another group that is very heavily armored people on foot mhm like you can't see faces you just see the shape of armor mhm and the last group is uh entirely on foot as well and most of them are holding bows pulled back with arrows knocked mhm yeah are they like segregated by race the last group certainly looks like they're elves the bow people yeah the armored group can't tell yeah and the uh the mounted group there's they're wearing too many clothes like it's not like you see pointed ears or short people like again like the last group is definitely elves the other two you couldn't say of the armor can we tell like the make like do we know if it's yeah what dwarvish or man what's the make and model in year bing you remember in your time as a young noble yeah going to a lot of museums outside of the forest occasionally which is strange so you recognize the armor as being a style of armor that was worn in the principalities when it was still a monarchy uh like three or four hundred years ago in uh is there anything past the armies I think that'd be cool that's usually what happens yeah uh it would be cool if it's like the army and then like either the land or some more people or like creatures I was thinking of in the army of the elves yeah on their side in their corner it would be lots of animals animals and tons of animals gathered like the army of the woods and all that sort of stuff and they're coming behind and they're coming behind and they're sort of like protect us which is cause that they would see them as like protectors of the forest so that would be nice if there was like forest forest and animals coming out maybe that's the dark forest dark yeah moving up into the light yeah oh I like that the armored army with the darkness they are very heavily armored on front uh huh but they all have their shields on their back oh shields on the back yeah because of the mistrustful nature of the warlock army oh yeah I actually really want to draw this yes yeah please do can I say something yeah can I put Billy in this yes I was thinking it would be cool if like some secret was peeking out of the woods or something and that's a great one I think even if it was instead of like only Billy if it was like a few types of fairy yeah and then Billy was just in there yeah there's a very round fairy yeah there's a bunch of like yeah yeah yeah there's a fairy there that has like a striped horizontal red and white shirt glasses and a toque he's got a cane there's another guy with a wizard and there's a dog cool yeah sick and I have one I have two more questions for you about this painting uh huh one what is the color of the wizard's robes um like goldenrod kind of like a burnt yellow yeah sort of so it's not a wizard we know like it's not Perel no something that you realize because this is such a fucking grab bag of like iconography cultures is this is not representative of a single event this is representative of a time in history and what is the name of this tapestry the fall cool I think it's one of those you remember seeing the name it's not written on the tapestry or anything like that I think it's one of those old school painting names too where it's called like the fall or but how about it's it's got two names then one is like from the wizard's perspective the rise and yeah and one is from the perspective like the breaking of chains or something like that oh yeah where people yeah there was like a movement where people saw themselves as freeing themselves from like dependence on the wizards it's not the exodus because that came after the breaking of the chains this is this not the exodus uh no this is the war oh yeah this is when when when globally the cultures turned against wizards okay so yeah the breaking of the chains is what non-magic users called it and then the fall is what wizards called it and there's a secret third name also what is important to think is like who uh was this tapestry made for yeah because it'll affect like like the bias of it yeah I think if you had to think about why Aquaria would have this and why Maggie would have this based on what you know about them you think that Maggie would have this to be like that's what we had to do to make things better before it's a reminder and Aquaria has it because that's what happened yeah this is what we had to go through yeah this is like a reminder of what happened when we pushed them too far but they're not they're not the same though I imagine they are the same I imagine slightly different actually yeah slightly slightly different yeah because tapestries are all handmade anyway and yeah that's good just like how history is made sounds different yeah but the layout is generally the same yeah so this is the one that is for the wizards so what about that is useful or is it just the information I don't know I don't know that we have to make it useful right now okay we'll find a way to make it useful in the future sure yeah yeah sweet anything else anybody wants to do in this place are we taking it it's a huge tapestry fucking little little roll it up I thought of it too though I was also thinking about it well actually I want to come up behind you while you're like studying it and I'm like oh I remember that can we take it oh man I'll give you the loot and then you hear a loud ripping noise yeah takes it off the wall and then he also he takes he grabs a piece of paper just rips a page out of a random book and he's he writes I know you want to I owe you one tapestry Tacoma Dome and then takes one of the shards of rock he knocked off the wall and just jams it into where the tapestry was great fuck actually oh wait no can I rewind I'm sorry no wait I shouldn't take it okay I feel like that is uncool of me I really want to put it back tuck put it back okay yeah I take it and I just like drape it close to the place where it was I just wanted to I really just mostly wanted to touch it but I know it's heavy it'd be like carrying around an enormous carpet for the rest of the adventure and I'm just like snuggling the corner right of that of that tapestry where the halfling lands are yeah and it's at this point the light from the crystal window in the study is obscured by the massive avian form of the thunderbird Philly the window and he's like desperately flapping to stay level with the window like oh shit can let's get down these stairs where do they lead let's go oh yeah let's go Billy's just walking dragging a loot behind him let's go be careful be careful with the loot I am and after a period of time you see light at the end of the tunnel sick so it's just like it's just an open door basically again like obscured by moss and it opens up to like just the rocks beneath us in the ocean crashing up against it awesome yeah yeah so you're just hanging out standing above the sea of graves thunderbird flapping around in front of you I can go get the boat I guess yeah please do hop onto the bird yeah and you just flap over to the boat yeah yeah round around go around the thing go for a little toot so you come back to where the gilded lily and chimes of skiff were chopped into the side of the tower on his hands and knees in the skiff you see chimes oh whoa he's just like come on ooh he's like rubbing like he's rubbing runes with his thumb like come on look at this oh dad looks pissed oh hey chimes you made it hey hey how'd you get here me and this boat have an understanding no wait I decided I decided something about I decided something about chimes based on one of the runes that he has so you say how did you get here how did you get here me and this boat can always find each other no matter what cross any distance cool what happened the sea of graves eh what a son of a bitch anyways we can tell you all about it our friend's on the other side of the pillar okay let's go get him okay and he just like sits down in his skiff and starts he just grabs the tiller yeah you notice he's not touching runes when he's doing this and the sails just go whoop and he putters around to the other side I go up front I'm like guys I'm guys chimes is here he's coming around with the boat right now pretty upset oh no oh no you can hear in the distance god damn it son of a bitch come on where do we hide how do we what lie we can't okay whose fault do we say this is it got stolen it Tuck puts his finger on his nose put my finger on my nose what's the nose thing mean what's the nose thing mean okay so we're saying it's Ving's fault I can do that kinda is Ving's fault look at me I'm a monster kinda my fault too though Billy I'll take this one okay oh hi hello oh he heard us talking imagine imagine finding you morons here what who are you talking to who are you look alright alright let me cool off for a second I'm sorry I'm not angry at you I'm just angry in general about the situation oh shit what the fuck happened to your bow what'd you do what I did was lend it to a bunch of yahoos without giving them proper instruction on how to utilize the otherworldly nature of the vessel I will take ownership of the fact that you just fucking fucked this thing okay thank god yeah yeah yeah yeah okay it was the storm I know you didn't engage the right protective ruins because I didn't tell you how to so Metaqueria I take it yes oh you're no Aquaria yeah we go back a ways I kinda I helped her get out here huh she's really nice nice yes she is she's a nice lady but gross the moss yeah the moss yeah the moss yeah the moss yeah the moss yeah the moss yeah it's a little much so what's up oh yeah we did we find Perel no but we have an idea of where he is we know where to go yeah we saw where the eye of the storm is so we have to go there over there well he points his arm out and you can see the funnel of clouds coming down over the horizon yes and Aquaria kinda gave us away oh yeah yeah and he looks around and he goes oh yeah yeah and he points a few meters off the side you see a trail of algae along the top of the water that sweeps around the entrance of the pillar mhm and past you and off into the distance in the direction of the eye of the storm uhm we got word from a dragon that Perel might be in danger can you come help us find him he pats his thigh a couple times looks up at the sky the sky spits yeah all right oh thank you thank fuck god I don't I I didn't know if we would be able to like use your boat again or anything like that so I can use my boat he's like just wait hold on and he puts his pinkies in his mouth and goes like tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet and uh the gilded lily comes around the corner of the pillar and is just sailing towards you oh my god I didn't know we could do that you can't oh and says you hop on here I'll lead the way I've had trouble getting to the ice storm before but with aquarius help I think we got a pretty straight shot cool thank you sick thanks chimes and I'm sorry about your boat it was definitely my fault no I know that it wasn't your fault it was a storm's fault it's not my fault he narrows his eyes in what way I just I don't know right now billy just feels really guilty yeah oh billy's just apologizing yeah uh all right let's uh hit the road yeah so to speak okay so with aquarius help and chimes's help you're not going to have to roll a uh navigate that's just going to succeed you'll get there you're going to get there you're going to get there you're going to get there you're going to get there you're going to get there you're going to get there you're going to get there you're going to but you might still want to think about scouting just in case there's anything between here and there I'll follow the blue line on the bird all right so it's 2d6 plus wisdom shit seven okay great uh on a seven you choose one from this list you get the drop on whatever lies ahead you discern a beneficial aspect of the terrain you make a discovery or you notice sign of a nearby danger uh I think getting the drop on whatever's ahead getting the drop on whatever's ahead bing is flying ahead on the road and you're going to get there you're going to get on the thunderbird pretty high up uh high enough that it's you think it's a little bit harder for anyone to spot you on the bottom because the bird's camouflaged against the gray clouds and as you sail a good distance ahead of the boats you see what looks like a bunch of people floating on their backs in the water oh geez is it like a long distance swimming team or something we have gone way too far they're all moving in sequence they're all doing backstroke they do it so they flip over where the fuck are we where did these pillars come from that's why I said we should have done the butterfly can I check them out or maybe I stay camouflaged you could make a roll to get closer without being noticed uh it'd be a defy danger dexterity with your birds help I guess I can't camouflage I'm using my camouflage yeah go check them out so I think it's plus cunning so five uh okay so you're going to get a drop on whatever lies ahead of you and you try you're like what the fuck people and you dive down on the bird and you dive down pretty quick maybe too quick so you the bird tips so much that you're so clearly visible your hair's like flapping in the wind and you see the people look up at you and then dive under the water and you see what looks like fins as they pass underneath mermaids merpeople they definitely saw me shit okay go back to the boat I saw a herd or swarm or uh an unkindness of merpeople what merpeople merpeople live in the sea billy cool and this guy's binoculars looking in the sky when ving says merpeople chimes stands up in his boat and goes what I saw merpeople not that far ahead maybe about a league a league and a half everybody keep your eyes open I sure will I can't wait did they see you no did they maybe did they I'm camouflaged I waved at them one of them wave back and then this way I'm under the water but yeah chimes is just visibly shaken uh he's like everybody keep your eyes open if one of them starts singing clamp your hands over your ears and do not take them off until I say so why would I do that I want to hear them sing no you do not I think I do billy you shut the hell up oh my god old man.

And I kind of clock how serious this seems. And I'm like, Billy, I think this is like… We have a code phrase with Billy that it's like, no games are happening right now. And we're like, Billy, this is gravy right now. It's super serious. This is serious gravy. This is really serious gravy. This is serious gravy right now. We know that we're very excited. Yeah. And we can maybe see them and we can talk about them and we can draw them and we can maybe get you a small statue when this is over.

But he's saying that the actual mermaids could be very dangerous to us. Okay, so not playtime. Okay. I understand. I'm sorry, Chimes. It's okay. You're new to the sea. I've been here for a while. I've been here for a while. But they're okay to look at? In short bursts. What does that mean? You know what? I was gonna say he was gonna avoid answering that question, but I've decided that he can't do that. They are pretty attractive, but they will kill you.

And I have enjoyed looking at them from time to time briefly. Okay, so Tuck is practicing how he's gonna look at them. He's like closing, alternating eyes to be like, is this what you mean by short burst? You know what? That actually might work. I love it. You gotta make sure both of them are closed for a second, though. Do you want one of my binocs? I mime taking a half a binoc from Billy, and it actually is doing so. For a second. For a second it works. You mime it.

Okay, thanks a lot, but what the fuck? But it's like when soap covers a bubble stick for a second, then it pops, and you're like, what the fuck was that? Well, you can hold it. Oh, yeah. Tuck has used Billy's hands before. I've used Billy's hands before, but I've never held it in my hand. That's very exciting. We know they can do it. Yeah, cool. Can I ask something of all of you? Can we roll a spout, Laura, and determine together why mermaids are dangerous? Sure. Who's gonna roll it? Oh.

Jessica? Yeah, I guess I'll do it, because I have the binoculars. Okay, great. Seven. Okay. So something interesting, but not useful. It means that you will know why mermaids are dangerous, but not how to avoid them. They'll be something that you don't expect that even Chimes doesn't know. Yeah, Tuck is like, I don't know. I feel like I've learned how to avoid this. He's doing the blink wink. I call this the blink wink. It's pretty good.

I'm gonna use the sight of the bird so I don't have to directly look at them. Yeah, pretty smart. Okay, so let's talk about mermaids. Let's just describe them. Describe what they look like so we all know. Jessica, take the lead. You're the artist? No, it's just because I was upset if they wouldn't be. It would be so beautiful. Exactly. I'm sorry. Don't be sorry. Just give us the world's most beautiful description of a mermaid. Of the people at this table, Jessica Tai loves mermaids the most.

I know, but it's such high pressure. Such high stakes. Because you love mermaids so much. But here's the thing. Whatever you say, we'll find a way to fuck it up. No, that's great. And if it's not beautiful enough or cool enough, you tell me. Yeah. So the mermaids, mermaids are just stunning. Like full lips, big beautiful eyes. Their eyes vary from color to color. And they come in different sizes, but they are all shapely, lovely women. And their skin is sometimes silvery white.

And sometimes it's like dark and almost like opalescent. Like they're shimmery. And they'll have like ornate little like, like stones sometimes in like their forehead. Just as like decoration and along their collarbones. And they all have long hair. And in the hair, they've decorated with like pearls. Cool. Oh, yeah. Sick. Can you see their boobs? Some of them wear some of them wear shells like what Ving saw. Some of them will have like kelp wrapped around, but some of them are bare chested.

Tuck coughs a little bit. He pulls an algebra book out of his back. It's been literally years since Tuck has seen human breasts. What years? What are you talking about? I had sex with Ruby. You didn't see them. Oh, yeah. No. Yeah. She literally was naked. Oh, right. She was. You're right. I forgot. I forgot. Okay. So Tuck has seen boobs recently. I'm glad somebody's tracking the boobs in this podcast. No problem. Thank you. Okay. So yeah, their song is dangerous. You don't want to hear it.

You don't want to look at them for very long. Yeah. You do a blink wink. Yeah. I think they're just like, not in an ugly way, purely in an analogy way. It's like cuttlefish almost. When you look at them, looking at them is so hypnotic and distracting that they're able to get way too close to you. And the song I think is similar. The song is just so overwhelming that even if it's not beautiful, you can't help but listen to it. Can I add something? Yes. We can keep adding. All day.

I'm so excited about this shit. You can't see it because they're so glossy, but their mouth actually extends all the way to their jawbone. Oh, yeah. So when they're singing, it's just their human mouth. And then when they're coming to eat you, it just opens this massive piranha thing. And it's like… Sharp teeth. Yeah. That's so cool. Have you guys seen the things that fish have so prey doesn't swim back out of their mouth? Yeah. It's those backwards facing spikes. Yeah, they have that.

It's like that. Yeah. So once they get your hand in their mouth, you got to work real hard to get that hand back. Sorry. How many of them are there? Oh, they haven't appeared yet. Okay. Oh, I saw… I mean, I saw some. Oh, you saw… 14. 14. Maybe let him say a lower number. No, 14. Yeah, it was weird. It was weird. It was weird. It was weird. It was weird. There were… I saw it say there's a dozen. 26? Yeah, 14. And Chimes is like, oh, God damn it. Is that too many? One is too many, frankly.

And you're sailing along for 20, 30 minutes following this… I want to give everybody like flaps, pieces of merino. Can we stuff stuff in our ears? Yeah, probably. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a good idea. Yeah, we take merino. We'll from Ving. Yeah. Thank you, Ving. What's that? What? Sorry. What? Thank you. God bless you. That's you. Thank you. You're welcome. Oh, my God. That's Chimes. Bless you. So, okay. That's… Here's… That's the trade-off.

You won't be affected by the siren song, but you also can't fucking hear anything. What? I turned all our headphones down to mimic the… No. …tubility that we have. I promise that you didn't. This is as loud as it's ever been. You just turned his down. And yeah, you're sailing along for 20, 30 minutes following the trail… The algae bloom that Aquaria left for you. And Chimes is looking all over the place, swinging his head around. Are we… Who's on what boat and who's on the bird?

Chimes is on a skiff. Ving is on the bird or is the bird landed? I'm on the bird. Okay. Ving's on the bird. Oh, we're on the lily. Yeah, we're on the gilded lily. Which is sailing without your control. Yeah. Yeah. And every once in a while, Chimes puts his pinky back in his mouth and goes like… He whistles a little signal back there? His skiff's behind you, actually. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He whistles a signal up to us. Yeah.

And I've noticed that he put four runes on the sides of the boat. Just really quick carvings. No, you know what? No? He didn't. Oh. That's the thing, is he didn't. What? He wasn't able to control this boat. That's weird. You could maybe find out later. I mean… Because if you fucking asked him, he would tell you. Yeah. Hey, Chimes. Not important. No, don't say a word. How are you a boat whisperer? Don't say a word. No, everybody's… Boxcar! He got two sixes. What were you rolling?

He was rolling, how are you a boat whisperer? And you know what? Chimes says something and he goes for a while and you can see tears in his eyes, but you got Marina willing ears and you didn't hear it. All you hear is… And he's pounding his chest and he's pointing at the sky. You look like Celine Dion. And he falls to his knees and he screams. Oh, we all hear that. We're like, what? Yeah.

And you turn around to listen to Chimes screaming about something and you see a beautiful, just midnight black skinned woman with bright white hair swimming alongside your boat, waving. I instinctively wave back. I instinctively wave back. And you know what? Actually, Billy, you instinctively wave back before you realize your hand's coming up, you're waving. Oh no, close my eyes. Defy danger charisma. Okay. You get a plus one because of this. All these dice are hot. Shit. Forget it.

You don't get a plus one. Fuck you, I get a plus one. You get a minus six. Fuck you. What did you roll? I got 14 plus the plus one is 15, which is my record. That's the record for the podcast. Wow. That's pretty high. And you jam your hand back down. You're like, I didn't do that. And you look away. I swoop down and land on the boat. Yeah. As you start swooping down, you see the one with the midnight black skin and then you see like three other on the other side of the boat near tuck.

And there's one with like a shining metallic red hair, like bright red and sort of a pale green skin. Wow. And I'm gonna have to describe all these fucking things, aren't I? No, I won't. Imagine. Imagine a kaleidoscope of colors, a rainbow connection of mermaids. Tuck, you look over and you see three banging hot women. Yeah. There are three close to me because they've identified me as the weakest. The weak one. Go for the one with the elevator book in front of his crotch.

Go for the one that already has a boner. Yeah. For fear, I guess. One of them, when Ving flew back to the boat, one of them peeked their eyes just above the water. And as Ving was describing the mermaids, she saw your loincloth. And he saw his loincloth quivering. I imagine his loincloth is actually horizontal. Just the end of it. Yeah. Yeah. My, because we're so close to the eye of the storm now. My beard is horizontal. Yes. So there's two parallel lines. One in my face and one in my way.

I guess we go that way. Decide whether or not that's canon for yourselves, listeners. It is. Yeah. So, Tuck, you see these women swimming up to the side of the boat. What do you do? They're swimming alongside. They're not trying to swim up yet. I start, like, blink, doing the wink blink. And I'm like, oh, wow. It's so flattering that you are talking to me. But I have a girlfriend back home. I kind of have two. Yeah. Depending on what season you're thinking. I don't know if you've ever met her.

Her name is Rubsy. Ruby. Can you roll a. Okay. Because the wink blink. Chime. Chime said the wink blink might work. So if you give me. Oh, what is it? I guess dexterity to keep, like, the coordination going. And Tuck's vibe right now is nerd at a party who a drunk girl started talking to. A sexually confident. Who is uncomfortable with the conversation that is happening and slowly realizing that he does not want to be in it. 36 plus dexterity. Seven. Okay.

So the wink blink is going to make it so you can look at the mermaids. But. But I take a minus one to four where dexterity rolls because the boners getting in the way. So you're asking to willingly take a debility or just. No debility work makes sense. Minus one. Minus one to dexterity. But now you are able to both look at the mermaids semi safely with the exception of dexterity. Not necessarily because of a boner. Yes. No. No.

It's a combination of having an uncomfortable boner, but you feel your body being affected in some way. Yeah. Like your coordination is being affected. Yeah. Yeah. We talked about that. It's your dick. It's your rock hard pipe. Yeah. And it's also like I'm having feeling. Yeah. Exactly. You're feeling the compulsions try to take hold, but you're forcing them away. Through the wink blink technique. And I yell real loud. The wink blink I think is working. Hi. I'm Tacoma dome.

And with my patented wink blink technology, you can kind of hang out with a mermaid for a bit. Thirty minutes or less. I figured out the upward limit. Yeah. So the wink blink is going to work. You're taking a minus one to dexterity until you can sort that shit out. Yeah. Great. I wish I still had that boner bond with tech. Oh, yeah. That would come in handy. We resolved the boner behind. Sorry. Remind me of the boner bond. We would stab each other. If one of us. We're getting horny. Yeah.

Allison. Allison. We, we, we very briefly became false. Wow. I think you can just call that celibate. Wow. We have a lot of horny monsters on our show. Yeah. Yeah. The horniest monster of them all. Man. The monster of them all was inside of our hearts the whole time. Okay. So Ving. Yeah. What's Ving doing? Oh, you're looking through the bird's eyes. I'm looking through the bird's eyes, so I don't have to wink blink, but the bird's getting pretty horny. I think, you know what?

I think evolutionarily, weirdly, their magic only affects humans, humanoids, people. So it is through magic? It is a magical effect. Okay. That they, that is biological for them. What I'm saying is the bird is seeing the bird. It's like, oh, I'm going to go to the zoo. I'm going to take a picture of them. What I'm saying is the bird is safe. Anybody chimes, Billy, halfling, elf, dwarf, whatever, orcs doesn't matter. They're affected by it. Animals are not. So you got, you got lucky there.

Oh, animals are not shape-shift. Oh, fuck. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. That son of a bitch. Ving's going to get laid. Okay.

A true- A true- A true- A true- A true- A true- A true- A true- A true- fish has 14 dicks oh my god the arctic char in this world is 14 dirt turn into school I actually genuinely fucked myself just no but you know what honestly great problem solving everybody I like that a lot what if I turn into a dragon mermaid well we started talking about the animal thing because I just asked you're looking through the bird's eyes right but I was going to tell you what ving saw great uh and what you see is like eight more up in front of the boat like it's they're slowly surrounding the vessel and the ones in the front are like backstroking in the front so they're keeping an eye on the boat and the ones on the sides are swimming alongside and yeah and he can recognize pack hunting yeah you notice the ones on the side dive down oh shit I don't know where they went what do you do I hop on the bird I fly up in the air about 55 56 feet and through the bird's eyes with their uh what's that thing that they what's it called they can see through the glare on top of water oh yeah yeah um you see blue blockers sure you see the mermaids on the side of the boat have dove and swam away and now they've turned and they're swimming back up at an angle very quickly what do you do I take the sea dragon scale and I hold it aloft above my head and uh jump up in the air and then face first I put it so it's like a scoop and I dive into the water as I'm falling into the water I'm gonna try and shape shift into sea dragon and we're watching this happen and we're like great form billy and tuck hold up tens we have no idea what the mermaids are doing plus wisdom 10 10 yeah so what does ving's sea dragon form look like um he slowly turns opalescent uh mother of pearl first his body goes oh mother of pearl and as as it's going up it in scales folding out from underneath his skin and his crystals his hair drapes long grows long long long down his back and out into the sides into big skin uh long long long long long long light wings and they connect at his shoulder they grow down sort of like from the top the bottom of his under under under belly becomes blue and echoes the the water turns aqua blue his spear on his back turns into a big long tail with a little fin on the end very strong sleek long slender super cool fish dragon man fuck yeah so about how big from from from nose to tip I'd say about 12 14 feet okay yeah so pretty big but not like gargantuan more long yeah sinewy serpentine uh okay so the thing that I was gonna say about sea dragons they still have breath weapons but it is a jet of superheated air so when they're underwater it's a beam of like boiling water oh cool or when they're above water it's a jet of steam like burning hot steam cool like a teapot yeah like a teapot I'm a little teapot yeah like when you when you're making tea and you open the kettle and it's right after it boils and it touches your face you're like fuck it's one of those but it'll kill you yeah yeah so you have a little like jet breath weapon you're really fucking fast in the water that's the first thing you notice is you're fast as hell oh yeah and I've been a bird in the air before yeah this feels like more like a jet of steam yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah more natural than flying in the air sick billy and tuck you watch ving turn into this beautiful serpentine dragon and dive into the ocean in front of the boat and tuck you are distracted enough doing your wink blink that you turn you turn oceanward from your side of the boat and you see a um a golden skinned mermaid shoot out of the water coming right for you what do you I do bullet time from the matrix where I like I lean back and then instinctively grab the axe and like try and slice through her sick yeah so you're gonna do a defy danger dexterity for that coordination and if you get this you can hack and slash yeah so like I'm like leaning back grabbing the axe and then like letting myself fall while I'm push like pulling the axe over my head forward slice great so what is it defy danger dexterity fuck okay two this mermaid hits you like a fucking cannonball and you stumble all the way across the gilded lily backwards with this mermaid and you tip right into the water and that's where we're gonna end it for this week I'm your game master Sean O'Hara joining me as always playing fat billy the halfling thief jessica tie bye everyone playing the half dragon druid Paul Oppers oh no and playing tacoma dome the fucked abdulaziz thank you to aaron reed for our intro and outro music thanks to all of our amazing supporters across the internet our patreon supporters our social media supporters our listeners supporters we love you so dearly so deeply uh if you want to find us online we're at Spout Lore most places and there's a fan club on facebook you could check out it's fun r slash Spout Lore on reddit check us out on twitter it's jessica just a whole fun time and we'll catch you next time bye bye and so ends the tale of adventures three who tried the best they can though dumb and scared and lost they be for times of rest in revelry and though our journey may be like a conclusion we will not leave you without a resolution return next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores and for you I'd gladly Spout Lore

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes, noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape, and wields a spear with great might Peely's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends, and listen close For the tale's about to start Hello everybody and welcome to Spout Lore!

I'm your Game Master Sean O'Hara, joining me as always playing Fat Billy the Halfling Thief Jessica Tai Hello! Playing Ving the Half-Elf Druid Paul Oppers Ahoy! Playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian Abdul Aziz Abdul Aziz!

When last we left our heroes, it was not looking super good After a full 24 hours of kicking it in a wizard's study And uncovering some information, a pretty cool tapestry that seems to refer to a point in history Where the world turned against wizards We're learning more about that point, which is pretty interesting Billy found a loot in a hole Billy also found a secret notebook hidden in Aquaria the Wizard's study Which seems to be cooperatively written by Aquaria, Morris Wadge, and Perel In a Sisterhood of the Traveling Journal situation What else did we find?

Ving has a book on magical meteorology Yeah Out of an entire library of books, he chose one about clouds Yeah We're going to the eye of the storm, this is gonna come in useful Also he found that wooden bird thing Yes, he found a wooden bird that Tuck remembers from stories of the old days That had been used to send messages But you don't know how or what or if that's even what this is And then you left Billy led the way through a secret tunnel that he discovered in the world's most useful bookshelf And…

No, I like that Everything is in this bookshelf! She only had one bookshelf! Yeah! The rest were like piles You know when you live in a tiny home, everything has to have multi-functions Yeah, yeah, yeah Exactly This bookshelf is where I'm gonna store my secret notebook, my secret loot I pee in this bookshelf And the secret exit Exit, yeah The secret ocean of graves And here's the fucked up thing We only uncovered 10% of the secrets at that bookshelf and… Fuck!

I hope we make it back to that bookshelf Let's start rowing back, you guys That's a great… That's actually a great point Uh… I was gonna say that's a great bonus episode Yeah Subscribe to our Patreon to find out what else is on the bookshelf Yeah, mystery of the book… Of the bookshelf Yeah Um… And upon leaving the tower The group was, uh…

Reunited With master of sea and sail himself Everybody's weird uncle, Chimes Yeah, he was in full on mad dad mode He was pissed Cause you guys wrecked his boat and he's not happy about it But he calmed down enough to agree to help you get to the eye of the storm Using the trail of algae blooms I believe they're called diatoms, according to Paul Mm-hmm Left by Aquaria the wizard Which is supposedly supposed to lead you right to the eye of the storm And you started sailing And things were looking okay for a while Until Ving spotted in the waves A series of topless women Floating on their backs in the ocean Uh…

My imaginary head of them? M'ladies? Causing them to dive deep into the ocean And then come to predate your face And then to make friends Predate? Predate, that's the word for being a predator, right? For predatoring something?

Yeah Oh, that was like, you know Right before you date Yeah, right before you like put on an attire Yeah, you take off your glasses You put on a red dress You're hot now Come down the stairs Oh yeah You come down the stairs You can't see You fall Sorry, that's actually a joke from not another teen movie I realized Yeah Here's what happened Everybody shoved merino wool in their ears Protecting them from the siren song Also making it impossible for us to see them To communicate with one another Yes Chimes did not, notably Tuck figured out a move that he has called the wink blink In which he keeps one eye open briefly Closes both and then opens the other That's one of the moves I'm keeping when I move to compendium class This wink blink I do like the idea that it will protect you But it also makes them all seem like they're moving in stop motion Oh yeah So it's like here wink blink here wink blink in the ocean Ving dove into the ocean Turning into a sea dragon for the very first time Yeah Beautiful Just an incredible specimen 14 feet long I think you said Yeah for now So not super long, smaller than some snakes Hey it's an average size That's a weird frame of reference Smaller than some snakes You know, snakes that are real You see a real snake, dragons are smaller than some snakes That is so non-specific Look we all have to start somewhere Jesus I'm the game master because I am an idiot That doesn't track at all And this is literally the only thing that my brain is good for If I have to measure distance I literally have to measure it in animals Or it does not make sense to me Ving turned into a dragon Diving gracefully into the water not splashing once Got a 10 from everybody on site And then Tuck was spear tackled into the ocean by a mermaid Yeah And that is where we are now We've got the gilded lily Behind the gilded lily Chimes' skiff In which Chimes is now standing Looking around freaking out Yeah He seems surprisingly scared of mermaids For such a tough seeming guy Birds in the air, Ving's in the ocean as a dragon Billy is on the gilded lily And that's where everybody is In the ocean is roughly a dozen mermaids That we are aware of That's not great And now Tuck is in there with them Tuck you were yeah you were wink blinking just a moment ago On the deck of the gilded lily And now you're in the deep dark sea of graves With a ravenous ravishing mermaid Gripping your skin in her nails Ow Pushing like like trying to swim down Yeah The human part of her mouth It gets right to the corner of her mouth And then the skin starts to come out And then the skin starts to come out And then the skin starts to part All the way back to her jawbone Revealing rows of razor sharp teeth Just snapping at you Fuck Gosh Uh yeah so when she tackled me I was in the process of grabbing my axe And now we're like going down And I have the axe just behind her And she's like gripping my skin Uh so I kinda wanna use the axe To stab her in the back Okay I wish that it would be as easy as a hack and slash But you're gonna have to defy danger In some fashion I wanna say constitution to hold your breath maybe Okay Just to make sure you don't start drowning Yeah 2d6 plus constitution Seven Oh baby baby Yeah Okay yeah you're able to keep air in your lungs What's the partial success?

Uh I think what it is is that yeah you've got air in your lungs right now But you have to surface immediately Like you have to deal with this right away If you don't then you're gonna just keep rolling defy dangers Oh okay Yeah because you're gonna start drowning pretty soon So can I stab her to try and get out of her crotch? Yeah Yeah yeah so now you roll a hack and slash 2d6 plus strength Ten Okay yeah Oh Fuck yeah Nice stab Roll your damage Two Really? Yeah Two Yes See Two?

Yeah That's We can re-roll it if you're not happy with it No You know what yeah Jessica makes a good point Here we go Seven Seven No it's a two it's just so funny because as I was statting out the mermaids I was like I'm gonna stab her Maybe they're too easy to kill Yeah Nope Okay so yeah she can let you she'll let you go Uh huh Because she is very close to death now Yeah And you can start swimming up but she's going to be following you We'll cut to Billy first Oh You just saw Tuck get tackled off the side of the boat by a mermaid Yeah And you see other mermaids popping up above the water looking at you Well I've run to the edge where Tuck is and I'm like screaming TUCK He can't hear you he has wool in his ears Oh no I'm gonna stab you I'm gonna stab you I'm gonna stab you I'm gonna stab you I'm gonna stab you I'm gonna stab you I'm gonna stab you I'm gonna stab you I'm gonna stab you I'm gonna stab you Oh no Oh no Oh no Oh no Oh no Oh no Oh no mermaids and I grab the rocks from my bag and start hurling them at them.

2d6 plus dexterity. Nice. Holy sick monster volley. 13. Damn these rocks. Dog dicks. Roll your… Alright, roll your damage. 4. So you pull your arm back and you whip it like a fucking fast pitch and you nail this thing right between the eyes. And it dips under the water for a second and you're like, shit, it's gonna get away. And then you see its back bob up as it floats in the water. So you've killed one of them. Holy moly. Like, just killed it.

Really killed it with a rock and I stabbed one and it didn't die? Yes. That was a big rock. It was a big rock. And I yelled, this is for my dad! And now we'll cut to Vig. Vig, you're a fucking dragon. I'm going to get Tuck to the surface. Okay, yeah. So this is to fight injury dexterity to basically rocket through the water to get to Tuck. Yeah, it's amazing. How fast? Yeah, totally. Well, it would be otherwise. Oh my god. Plus my dexterity. Uh-huh. Yeah. That's not great.

So you're about to do that. You see Tuck and you're like, oh no, I gotta go. And then like six mermaids swarm you. And some of them are grabbing you and trying to pull you. Others are swimming around snapping at you. Just biting and tearing, whatever they can. Roll a d6. One. Four damage. So they're just like, snap, snap, snap. Biting and ripping at you. And you're not able to get out of their grasp right now. What are you doing?

I'm swimming as fast as I can, trying to get back to the Gilded Lily. Are you swimming fast or are you swimming hard? Hard. Strength. Defy danger strength. Good answer. I'm so hard right now. Are you swimming hard or are you swimming smart? Smart. Intelligence. No! No! Yeah. 26 strength. 10. Boom, baby. You just are hauling ass to the surface. I pop out of the water like a dolphin. No, you don't. Wow! Just your feet are touching the water. No, you're able to surface, get a lung full of air.

You don't lose your axe or anything like that. But this mermaid is like right here. Trying to bite you. Okay. Okay. Okay. I go, I don't like you that way. Yeah, you've got your axe in front. I've got my axe wedged in her mouth. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. She's biting around like the handle right now. It's like snap, snap, snap. So I have the handle of my axe in her face and I'm like, stop it. I have a girlfriend. Leave me alone. And I go to punch her in the face. 26 plus strike. 10.

Fuck yeah. Roll your damage. Nine. Holy shit. Oh, okay. I punch her. I punch her head off of her body. It skips along the top of the water. Now, I'm treating the mermaids as a horde. So when you deal more damage than you need to kill a mermaid, it rolls over onto additional mermaids. So that killed three of them? It killed the one that you're fighting and two others.

Maybe like, because they have the siren song is their way that they sort of harmonize and connect with one another and then draw people in and like extend their magic. So maybe like she shrieks and the wave that that creates kills two other mermaids. Wow. Death shriek. Yeah. It's harmful. Death cry. Yeah. Oh, the mermaid. Well, I'm sorry that you just gave me that tool. Why? Their death cry is also damaging. They have an opportunity to hurt you as you're killing them.

That makes a lot of sense because they would evolve like that since they're like a horde hunting. Yeah. Because even if you kill me, maybe I'll kill you and then everyone else will feast. Yeah. Also, death whale of a siren was my favorite. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. By Stan, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. Because I mean, even if it was the kind of Paul broke down the structure of every joke I've ever told on the podcast. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Shit box.

Blah, blah, blah. Abdul must be feeling so insecure right now. And he's the funny one. Okay. Yeah. I really like that. As you punch it, it goes underwater and it breathes in and lets out this massive shriek, which hurts you. Okay. So roll a d6. One. So yeah, this shriek, you're like, fuck, that is a bit. Well, you're like, but the two mermaids closest to you like clap their hands on their ears and writhe around in the ocean before going still. Billy. Yes. You're standing on the deck.

You see tuck surface with a mermaid on his axe. Punch it in the face. Oh, sick. Is there like a rope or life? Those hurt life. Preservers. Yeah. Yeah, totally. There absolutely is. Yeah. So what are you doing with one of those? I'm throwing it to him to try pulling it back to the boat. Great. Yeah. So that'll be defied injured dexterity. Man, Billy's good at throwing shit. Ten. He is good at throwing shit. Yeah. Yeah. It goes over top of me, lands perfectly like that ring toss thing at the fair.

But the sound that Billy has to make because it's as big as him to throw it is like, that's so good. It's like, Billy whips around like he's doing a discus. And tuck is like, tuck is above and below the water, like just killing things. And then he pops up and it lands right around his head. Sick. Yeah. And then Billy starts talking and you feel it tug. Swim. Yeah. You're not strong enough to pull him in, but now you guys are working together. I'm kicking my leg. Yeah. Okay. Ving.

I gotta use one of my holds to get all these mermaids off me. How? Yeah. I'm going to do a steam blast, but baby, I think since, it's going to automatically succeed as a hold, it'll be to get them all off of you. Okay. It's basically a free defy danger. Okay. I'm going to shoot steam out of all my scaly pores. And by that, I mean my mouth, my butt. Okay. I love those gills. Yeah. Oh yeah. You could definitely shoot steam out of your gills. Oh yeah. You have gills in an amethyst chest. Yeah.

And a moss claw. Yeah. A mosque claw. Yeah. That's what I said. Kiss kiss. But yeah. So you just start releasing burning hot steam around you. Yeah. I'm so scared. And he just goes to yell instinctively as like, kind of like a man, but it comes out because he doesn't know the full extent. And all the mermaids let go of you instantly. You hear like a tiny little whale and they all pull away and you have a little whale. Like a tiny little whale? A tiny little whale appears and says, come with me.

The sea king offers a recompense. More girls. Hi. Hi there. They're a silly family. They're a lot bigger than I am. I missed the bus. Can I get a ride to whale school? Oh, I don't know. Stupid. But yeah, you have a moment to breathe. Is there anything else you want to do? Yeah. I mean, I want to try and hurt them with another hold because I just got them off. Yeah.

I would say that you get to spend a hold and to roll your damage without having to roll hack and slash is how I would want to do it to determine how many mermaids you chomp. Sorry. I just thought of a really cool thing. Yeah. Okay. So, you know, like the veins in Cerulean's arms, what if it was sort of like jellyfish tentacles where if you were to touch one, it's like a powerful sting or venom. That is pretty cool. Yeah. I like that. Cool thing. Yeah. Okay. Sweet.

You're not rolling hack and slash. You're spending a hold. Yes. So, you're rolling your damage. Yep. D6. Squeeze. Three. Three. You kill one of them. Jellyfish hug? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You wrap your claws around one of them and it starts like writhing, bucking against your arms and then it goes still. No death scream? Oh, yeah. And a death scream. Sorry. Thanks for pointing that out. So, yeah. Roll a D6.

You take one damage from this, yeah, horrendous shriek that just rips at your dragon-y eardrums. Billy and Tuck. Yeah. You're on the deck. With Tuck? With Tuck. You've pulled Tuck up. Well, Tuck has pulled himself up and you're like, I pulled Tuck up. Well, I'm so sweaty because I think I did a little bit. Yeah. I did a lot.

Tuck, you hear chimes yelling from his boat and you look over and there's like a mermaid jumps out of the water and he just punches it right in the face and it falls back into the ocean. Oh, my God. It's like when you see your old uncle like getting a bar fight and you're like, oh, my God. Holy shit. Yeah, he does. One of them jumps out and he just extends his arm and catches it by the neck and just throws it back. Whoa. He's done this before. Nope. Not big enough to throw it back.

Catch and release, motherfucker. Yeah. He's saying these one-liners for himself because he's alone on his boat. Yeah. Always. Billy, you don't hear that, of course. You've got the merino on your ears, but Tuck, that's what's going on. Oh, and you start hearing this like, ah, ah, ah. All right. I'm going to defy danger. Yeah. Because the merino, I guess, fell out of my ears because it's wet. You can feel it hanging like on your ears. Yeah. It's starting to trickle out.

And it's like coming down curly style. Looks like I'm wearing a little bit of one of those judge wigs. You're safe. They're safe. Yeah. I know. What? For a second, I was like, uh-oh. Just roll. Just roll. What did you guys all think? Keep going. Keep going. Let me try and figure out what the joke was. No, no, no. Move on. I thought I was going to try and do it. You look like a badass water judge. Let's go. Okay. So, yeah. How are you doing this? Oh, juice. Oh, my God.

So, how's Tuck resisting this? I grab the loot and I start playing a… What was the band that I introduced last time? Touched by the Darkness. Yeah. And I'm going to… Yeah. I'm going to play a song from Touched by the Darkness. That's a great way to resist it, too. It's just trying to play music louder. Yeah. And it pisses them off because my music is so shitty. Yeah. They're more about acapella. Yeah. Metal just doesn't resonate with them. Yeah. All right. So, what is that going to be?

Defy Danger Charisma? I guess. For like a performance? Yeah. Yeah. That checks out. 2d6 plus charisma. Ten. Yeah. It works. Yes. You drown out the… Should I play it? Yes. One verse. Okay. So, yeah. I run up to the side of the gilded lily. Getting closer to the music. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I start strumming. One leg up on the side rail. I start strumming. I was like… And I kick the side rail into the water. Oh, my God. Cool. Power move. A mermaid like swims back a couple feet.

I start doing like a really fast drum like at the beginning of Through the Fire and the Flames by Dragon Force. And like… And I'm like… You cannot touch my body. My body's too hot for you to touch because I'm a fire demon. And… I was a boy. Now I'm a man. That's how time works. One day, I will be an old man because I'm… It's jazz. Wow. Amazing. Start scatting. Duck is doing most… He changes with his mouth. Yeah. Yeah. So, it works. It's like…

It's loud enough that you are unaffected by the siren song for now. The women are upset. Yeah. Some of them are like diving back into the water and popping up and diving back under. Like, they look like… Some of the water is kind of churning up. It looks like they're really upset. It's like when you are at brunch with your preppy girlfriend and all of her friends and you make a joke. And then everybody turns away from you. Oh, no. I just realized Aaron's a pre… Yeah. So, they…

The mermaids, at least the ones closest to Tuck, don't like this music at all. Billy, you see Tuck doing this and you turn around and you see Chimes fighting off mermaids. Oh, no. What do you do? How far is he from us? The distance between Chimes' skiff and the gilded lily is like 10 feet. Oh, that's not bad. Yeah. I'm going to grab another rock. Oh, yeah. Right. Yeah. Chimes has like two at least coming at him. So, I'm going to hit the one… The blonde one. I don't know. The blonde one.

The blonde one with the fake lips. Yeah. It's just two sea slugs. 2d6 plus dexterity. Eight. Eight. Okay. So, what's a seven to nine on a volley? Oh, don't I get a plus one? It doesn't matter. Well, you do get a plus one to throwing things. Good looking out. So, that would make it a nine. And I'm helping him because he's having to focus less on ignoring the song. So, yeah. Roll an eight. Oh, shit. Yep. 2d6 plus bond. Whoa. Never mind. You succeed. Ooh. A big number. Yeah.

So, as you're like getting ready to throw a rock, you feel the merino will start to fall out and you're like, oh, no. And then as you start hearing things, you hear tuck playing and you're like, ah, perfect. Yeah. And roll your damage. It's the only time Billy's ever reacted like that to my music. Yeah. Every other time he's been like, stop. Five. Five. Okay. So, you pull back and you throw a rock.

Just as a mermaid is jumping up at chimes, you fucking bullseye it right in the side of the head, like right in the temple. Yeah. And it tumbles into the water just as he's about to punch it. Okay. And he looks over and he goes, hot damn. Yeah. I imagine as he punches, another mermaid had come up and he accidentally punches that one too. Yeah. One's coming from the other direction and he slugs that one. So, there's like not that many mermaids left.

If somebody wanted to roll something, you might be able to tell how many there are left. Can I roll to count mermaids? Is there a move? I'm underwater. Discerning realities? Yeah. Ving's in a better position. I'm discerning realities. Discerning mermaids. 26 plus wisdom. Seven. One question. How many mermaids should I be on the lookout for? What should I be on the lookout for works for me? Yeah. Eight. There are eight mermaids left. Cool. Cool. You now know that there are eight mermaids left.

What do you do? Oh, God. I don't know how my thunderbird can… So, I want to use the bird. I would love to be able to go underneath as many as I can, lift them up, jump out of the water and have the bird with the ferocity perform the shit out of them. But that's the thing. I was hoping for lightning strike. Oh, can he do that? No. What? I thought he took something. Did you take a natural ally? Yeah. Oh, sick. Yeah. Sorry. Sorry. Yeah. Then you can do that. Yeah.

He can literally electrocute the ocean area. He sure can. That's what I was hoping for. Yes. Sick. Great. Okay. I'll go up and swim around the mermaids in vortex manner creating whirlpool effect with steam on the outside so they're trapped in this steam bubble which is kind of being disoriented and like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Like farting in a hot tub.

And then I will swim as fast as I can using full tail power, head for the surface, pop out free willy, free ving, and the bird into the middle of the steam. Shoot noses and big fat lightning bolt. Tight. So this is defy danger dexterity to cover this. Great. And then you'll be doing a hack and slash with the bird after that. Okay. Dexterity first big steam bubble. Great. No problem. Six there. Could use a little encouragement from a friend of mine. I'm still playing music. Oh, yeah.

It's really getting me fucking amped. And it's also disorienting the mermaids we established which is helping. So it's making it easier. Yeah. They're staying underwater because they don't want to listen. Yeah. My music's so bad. Hey, okay. Here's the fucking problem is I learned the bass parts of all of these songs. I didn't learn the regular so I'm just doing a D line. So I have to do the key change with my fucking mouth. Boom. Oh, yeah. Ten. Great. So yeah, that makes it a seven to nine.

Not a failure. Yeah. Okay. So maybe you're going to have to do a seven to nine to snag onto the edge of that boat. But okay. But before that, the defy danger wraps up the mermaids. Yeah. Shooting out of the water. That's the last hold. Okay. And Ving as a human male or as a half elf male fires out of this water with his arms waving like just as the skies above you darken. Cool. Thunder. And then bang. Big ass bolt of lightning. Two to six. Plus strength. Oh, 11. Yeah, that's 13. Fuck. Yeah. 13.

What's your damage? My damage will be D six. Oh, yeah. So it's D six plus ferocity. Oh, this is great because ferocity is plus five. What? Yeah. Yeah. Remember, we figured it out that it rolled the one. He gets six damage. A natural ally makes it nine tougher. I get through. Yeah. Holy shit. Crick. Oh, yeah. There's this massive thunderclap as the air splits. The heavens open up in this massive bolt of lightning fires into the ocean. Oh, it's like evaporates that like a circle. Oh, yeah.

On the surface of the water. And there's like almost a secondary thunderclap from like the shockwave of all of that water vaporizing. Yeah. Do you think it lights up just for a second underneath the water and just. Oh, yeah. It makes a big flash fries all that. Uh, water in there. Yeah. And it makes this big massive bubble of like shit fucking anger in there. Yeah. No, that's a great way to describe lightning. Yeah.

And it's also, I was imagining like when the bird calls down lightning, the thing that I was always imagining was the bird like does a nosedive and creates an ion channel from the clouds to whatever's below it. And the lightning fires through the bird like through the gem at the front of it and hits the ground. Does it have a gem? I forgot about the gem. Oh, yeah. It's a bezoar. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

Uh, so that's cool as hell and three mermaids fully dead death whale having done are basically like thrown into the air and then splash into the water. The mermaids are fucking scared now. I think they're like five left, but that's less than half their number. They should fuck off. I think they would run. So chimes sees he takes a quick gauge of the situation bird in the sky lightning music less than half their number tuck. You hear him yell over the music.

Hold on and he puts both his pinkies in his mouth and whistles really loud and the boats jolt forward and start picking up speed. Why don't you just do that from the beginning and you see chimes like fall onto his bench and grip the side of the boat. Like he just looks exhausted right now. Did being land on the boat? Oh, yeah. Totally. Yeah. Yeah. Whoop. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was a full free Willie right over back into the water. Billy has his hand free Billy. Free Billy. Yeah. So chimes is laying in his boat exhausted and you start picking up speed and the mermaids just disperse. I turn to these guys and like I think chimes had a stroke. Oh, no. God. Get him to the hospital. Billy's looking around like, I have no frame of reference for what stuff is out here. Yeah. Yeah. And so that's the situation. You have a moment of respite.

Now that the mermaids have left, you're going pretty fast. The birds like landed on the boat and is like crouched down. You're going so fast, like eyes are kind of closed. It's feathers are ruffling. They're hydroplaning now. I'm hiding under the bird. Yeah, totally. And you're beelining along the trail of Diatom towards the eye of the storm. Cool. We're coming up on it pretty fast. Yeah. Yeah. But what do you do? Chimes is like basically passed out in his boat.

You're coming up on the other storm. Yeah. Should I try and heal him? Can I do that? Do you have Pulteth? I do have one left. Ooh. We need him. Is he hurt? Like he's taken damage to the point of being hurt? Are you tracking that? No, he's like exhausted. Like something about what he did just now in. Throwing the boats forward as fast as he can. Took something out of him. Oh. Yeah. So yeah, you could try and see if you can help him. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

Run as fast as I can to the back of the boat and then just jump up in the air. And you land sprightly, light on your feet, right in front of Chimes who is reclined. Yeah. Either foot on either side of the bow. Yeah. Chimes, what can I do? What do you need? It's just, I just need a moment. I just need a minute. You can have as many as you want. You got it. You got it. You got it. You got anything on you? Yeah. I've got a poultice. Will that help you? The fuck is that? I don't know.

It's, it helps. It helps the rest of us. It's mostly yarrow. Let me, let me see it. Here, take a whiff. And he just grabs it and shoves it in his mouth. Starts chewing. This mouth full of this. There's herbs and shit like pouring out of his mouth, like into his beard. It's not going to taste great. Oh no, I know. I'm aware now. And he's just laying there like, okay. I think that did it. I'm just going to lay down for a little bit. I'm just going to lay down for a little bit. Okay.

I'll watch the boat. We're coming up on it, huh? We're really coming up on it. Really quick. Very, quite quickly. I'm not, I'm not going to be much use for a little bit here. So we could either wait until I'm ready to go or we can just go for it. Oh yeah. No, there's no way stopping this boat now. All right. Well, good luck. I'm just going to close my eyes for a little bit here. You're not going to die, are you? No, no, no, no, no. Okay. Promise me you won't die. He looks up in consternation.

No. I like the idea that he's like mentally checking. Yeah. Some prophecies about his death. Where he's just like, he looks up and he's like, I don't see a broken moon. So I think I'm fine. Oh yeah. No, the moon, his cornet is still in the sky. Yeah. It's still in the sky here. I thought that was just Crystal Bay. Well, it's in the sky. Oh wait, was it just the intact moon when you passed through the field? No. The moon is still.

It's broken, but it was that the sun wasn't setting just in Crystal Bay. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Because we saw the broken moon in Pinewood. Yeah. Yeah. The cornet's just in the sky. Okay. Yeah. It's not a problem right now. Yeah. It's just in the sky. Yeah. But it's basically like, I imagine that he has runes on his body to let him individually check in with every like vital part of his body. Cool. So he's just doing like a damage report. I love that. Yeah. So that's the situation.

So we're pretty, we're getting there pretty fast. Are we going to crash? No. No. Chimes wouldn't let us crash. Would he? Chimes. Chimes. No response. Chimes. No response. Fuck. What did you give him? Yeah. Ving, what did you give him? Why is he passed out? It was mostly a halfling pipe weed. Oh no. Fuck. So you're coming up on the eye of the storm. It's in the distance. You see the twisting funnel of clouds pouring down from the sky, touching the top of the tower.

Like it was an overcast day on the Sea of Graves. The storm was in the distance. But as you get closer to the eye of the storm, the clouds darken a darker gray until you get just above and the clouds become almost black thunderclouds and they pour down in a funnel touching the top of this old stone tower. The top of which you can see is festooned with the hulks of the wrecks of hulks and the shadows of whatever. Broken dreams. Broken dreams. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Is spiraling down. It is. And every once in a while it'll touch the tower and it'll travel down the stone into the ocean. Holy shit. We gotta be careful not to touch the water. This looks ugly.

And you see as you're barreling along at incredible speeds on these boats two or three miles ahead of you Billy you're like at the front with your binocs you see the current of the ocean suddenly shift and start spinning to the right. Like it's going around it's spiraling around the pillar as well as it is above so it is below. I think we'll be okay actually sort of. We're definitely not gonna hit anything. We're not gonna crash but something else is gonna happen. We might get really dizzy.

I was gonna say what do you do but I don't know if there's anything you can do. I think we hunker down. Yeah. Yeah that might be a hunker move. Oh yeah there is a hunker down. Yeah. Right okay. When you hunker down to the bottom you take shelter to wait out the elements which we'll just say is make sure this part of the storm doesn't fuck you up really bad. Choose one party member to roll plus nothing. Who has the best luck? Billy. Of individual people. Really? Yeah.

Please God of the Flame and Fairy Spirit Worlds. What does Holy shit. Ten. Ten. Oh sick. Fuck yes. Fuck yes. Okay. On a ten plus what it says in the book the world we've been fucking with these things for sea travel is it says it doesn't take long for things to clear up. It's obviously not going to clear up. Yeah. But instead of hitting this current change head on the gilded lily is kind of swept into it. So you're quote unquote gently pulled into this vortex.

So you're just being swept along the eye of the storm is to your left hand side and the pillar just towers above you touches this terrifying black roiling cloud funnel lightning striking overhead almost constantly and chimes a skiff is still behind it. It falls into the vortex behind the gilded gilded lily. Do we see like Thunderbirds flying around it or anything? I don't know. Do you spell Lord Lord is that a spell Lord discern reality I guess discern realities.

We're also just kind of setting the scene. Yeah, totally. Like if you guys think of cool stuff that you see. Yeah, I guess so then no role just describing. No, you know what discern realities might be a good idea. Okay, just to determine what the situation is. Oh, yeah, but we can still describe the scene no matter what. Okay, being notices giant whale skeletons crashed up on the rocks chunks of skeletons and they're like big big whales. Whoa.

And as the lightning discharges into the sea of graves it much like when the Thunderbird hit the lightning it lights up the water underneath and you can see like giant shapes moving. Yeah, it's like huge serpentine. Yeah, like it's like in the Prince of Egypt. Yeah, when he parts the sea and the lightning crashes behind the waves and you see the huge shark. Exactly. Exactly like that. Cool. Cool. Cool. All right, we'll roll a discern reality so we can figure out if any of this is helpful.

Do you want to add a thing? No, I'm just wondering if that big shape is the world snake. Yeah, the world serpent. Great question. Yeah, we're all wondering that. Yeah. Turn rallies. Eight. Okay. Oh, yeah. So you get one question. What should I be on the lookout for? My guess would be a way to ride this vortex in a way that means when you hit the actual eye of the storm, you wouldn't totally smash your boat. I mean, duh. Thank you, Jessica. We already were looking for that. Okay, where is it?

Tell me how you do it. We go in the opposite direction. We go against the vortex. Say more. Yeah, explain that. Well, it's spinning us around and we somehow need to go against it and then we can go slower because we came in under our own power. Oh, right. We're still powered. Yeah. So if we can turn around somehow. We can flip it around. We could end up going against the current very slowly or end up being stationary, essentially.

So you would have to, that sounds like you'd have to actually physically steer the boat. And get Chimes awake. Chimes is asleep. He's going to be asleep for a little bit. I wonder if you steered Chimes' boat if you got it to turn around. Like maybe it would also turn us around too. Yeah, maybe with his knowledge of boats and runes. Yeah. His limited rune knowledge. Billy also has rune knowledge. Rune memory. Little baby ones, yes. Okay, well then maybe you can aid if I can. Sure.

Because whatever this next roll is, you're going to get a plus one because you asked that question. Oh. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's how discerning realities works. Okay. Yeah. It's basically like a I'm going to speed it up moment. Yeah, totally. Yeah. Going to hard to starboard. Hard to starboard. Hang on, everybody. Then I'm going to ram as hard as I can on the bow of the Gilded Lily. To turn us around. To try and whack it and turn it around. Dang. Yeah. So we all hunker down. We hold on. Yeah.

Yeah. So this would be defy danger strength? Yeah. Plus one. Nine. Nine. Aid? Oh, aid. Yes. I'm supposed to do that. Yeah. Yeah. How can we aid? So I imagine Billy's like skittering around in the boat looking at runes. Yeah. I think you should push that one of there. Six. Okay. All right. It doesn't mean like the whole role fails. It just means I fail. Yeah, exactly. Okay. Okay. So let's talk about this. What is a partial success for Ving look like and a failure look like for Billy?

Maybe the partial success is that he does get us to turn around, but he does too wide an arc and we end up really close to the pillar going back the other way. So if anyone's in the eye of the storm, like looking for potential intruders, they'll see us for sure. Oh, yeah. I like that. That whoever's here will be prepared. Yeah. I like that a lot. Cool.

Ving is piloting chimes a skiff from the back, pushes your boat into the vortex and you start going the opposite direction around the pillar in a deteriorating orbit until you scrape along this platform of crashed vessels, eventually coming to a jarring stop. Cool. It's land. Yeah. Yeah. Land after a fashion. It's like wood and rope and old canvas as far as the eye can see. We kind of just ramp up onto the wreckage. Yeah. Yeah. Sink a little bit into it.

Crack, crack, crack tips over sideways there. Tuck heard an album called the eye of the storm where this field of wooden wreckage around it is called the wooden waste. Cool. Yeah. Cool. Like that. So do you just like hop off? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I guess your boat is sideways. So you're forced to hop off. Yeah. Yeah. And the bird hops down onto the wood as well. But you can see the bird is like ruffling its feathers and like adjusting its wings looking around.

It's doing that thing where its mouth is open and it's tongue is sticking out. Yeah. It looks very concerned. Oh, what's up little guy? Uh, what's the pet him? Yeah. He appreciates it. He settles down a little bit. Um, and what does a failure look like for Billy? I was trying to think like, um, cause is it like magic? That is that deals with or is it spirit that deals with this? The sea of graves. I think we talked about at least especially in the eye of the storm. It's kind of both. Okay. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. We've talked about it a couple times. It's sort of a conduit between both and that's why it's so tumultuous because they don't mix, but there's a constant interchange between pulling thalamic energy from above spirit energy from below. Maybe that's just what it is. Is that like that energy senses Billy like a new like imbalance kind of yeah. Oh, okay. Tell me if this is too much Billy.

You're looking around because you feel this like energy building in you like if like static electricity in the air basically. Yeah. So tingly feeling. Yeah. And you are stepping around like what's going on looking around and your hair falls in your face and from your hair falls a single rose petal. What? From my hair from your hair. You reach up and a flower is bloomed on the top of your head. Oh, no, you're turning back into a tree Billy. What's happening to you?

Is that actually what it's supposed to be? I mean that that was the idea I had is that being this close to the spirit energy is like real like really awakening. So charging Billy up like as a fairy. But yeah, Billy a single red rose has blossomed in your hair. Oh pretty and you touch it and it doesn't come out. Uh, I just got okay. Billy don't touch that. Okay. Yeah, it kind of hurts. I'm just gonna leave it there. Get it. Okay. And Ving and tuck.

Yeah, like look at each other concern and we're like we got to do this fast as possible. Don't worry about it. Uh, it's just fine. Perel. Oh, it's trying to stay calm because I remember now. I'm just I remember now what the I saw with the truth demon. I'm like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. Perel. I so I go back to where chimes his boat is where chimes is. I smack him on the face. I'm just like, wake up. What the fuck are you doing? Your chimes right? What the fuck are you doing?

And he's just like this. I'm so mad at you right now. I'm like, fucking it's an emergency. And so, yeah, I kind of I grab him like we don't have time and I sling him over my shoulder. I'm too tired to disagree. And I scoop Billy up and I put Billy in my beard. And then just because I've been scooping people up, I scoop thing up and I throw him over the other shoulder and I start running through the wooden waste towards the pillar. Yeah.

And the Thunderbird does that when a bird's ramping up like that little hop and spreads its wings and it's flying up like up higher behind you, but not too high. Yeah. It seems really scared. I should say it's very nervous. I scream up at the bird. I'm like, bird, help me. Where should I go? And the bird says Tacoma. I see a ramp over here. I go to the I go to the wheelchair ramp. Press the button. It's a lift. The eye of the storm is nothing if not accessible.

Is the bird able to indicate to me somewhere to run to? No. Okay. I just run at the pillar. It. It's a bird. It's a bird. Yeah. But birds communicate through the language of flight. So you're trying to find a way up the tower away, I guess in like a shelter. Just like to get out of the wooden waste and to start getting to a place where we can look at look for parole because I now feel a sense of urgency where it's like this place is doing something to Billy. Okay. That sounds great.

Discern realities, I guess. Okay. Two D six plus wisdom. Fuck. Oh, no. Four. Oh, that's bad. Plus wisdom. Yeah. Five. Oh, yeah. So you're running across the wastes looking for some measure of safety or entrance to the pillar or to protect your friends from being eventually killed by this horrible storm. Yeah. So he he's got chimes over one shoulder being over the other and Billy and his beard and he he's like running across the wooden waste like huge timbers that make up massive seafaring ships.

Some of them are like reinforced against each other. So they're pretty solid to run on some of them. As soon as he jumps on them, they bob down into the water and he starts sprinting so that he doesn't and then just like jumps on the next one kind of thing. Yeah. And you see you see what looks like a darkened opening in the side of the pillar and he heads for that. Yeah, totally. So you make it there and you get to this entrance and it's.

Snug doesn't it's definitely not a built doorway and you look at the opening itself and the edges of it. Are smoothed in a way that looks like this was eroded. And the. Piles of shit all over the place make it look like this was eroded recently. And you notice like a dark splotch inside the doorway just as you're coming up like a flash of lightning illuminates the sky and you see this dark liquid on the ground is a piss. Yeah, it's piss. Is it blood? He tastes it. He puts his hand. It's piss.

It's man piss. And I turn to these guys and I'm like, it's piss. Turn to these guys on your shoulders. Yeah, she's just turning around circles. Guys, it's piss. You would have to light the doorway if you wanted to see anything else. Oh, yeah. So then, yeah, he takes the accent off his back and he lights the doorway with the amethyst crystal. Yeah, it's definitely dark red. It's blood. It seems like blood and it trails a little bit further into the tunnel just outside your ax light. I go in.

You walk into this tunnel, the amethyst light guiding you and you see as you travel down this eroded tunnel, there's a point where it opens up and slumped just at the edge of the mouth where this would enter is a bully wug. And that's where we're going to end it for this week. I've been your game master Sean O'Hara joining me as always playing Fat Bill. I'm Billy the Halfling Thief, Jessica Tai. Bye, everyone. Playing Ving the Half-Elf Druid, Paul Offers. Take care.

Playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian, Abdul Aziz. So long. Thanks to Aaron Reed for our amazing intro and outro music. And thank you to all of you for supporting us in the various ways that you do. You can become a Patreon supporter at patreon.com slash Spout Lore and follow us on social media at Spout Lore most places. We'll catch you next time. Bye bye. And so ends the tale of adventures three who tried their best they can. Though dumb and scared and lost they be. For time's abreast in revelry.

And though our journey may be like a conclusion. We will not leave you without a resolution. Return next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores. And for you I gladly Spout Lore. .

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes, noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape, and wields a spear with great might Peely's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends, and listen close For the tale's about to start Hello everybody and welcome S-fucking- Dispeltlore The unending torment You wanna do it again?

I subject myself to day in day out In that I love all of you, and I just wish that you loved me the same way I'm your game master Sean O'Hara and joining me as always playing Fat Billy the Halfling Thief is Jessica Tai Hello everyone And playing Ving the Half-Elf Druid is Paul Oppers Hey And playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian is Abdul Aziz Hello When last we left our heroes, we found them On a journey across the Sea of Graves On their journey, they had run afoul of a school of mermaids And our good friend Tacoma Dome the Barbarian had been spear tackled into the ocean That fight went both well and not well There was some pain that was dealt to and from Ving turned into a dragon, it was pretty cool He was getting used to the sea dragon body Found out that they have the ability to breathe boiling hot water And they're not jets of steam That's pretty tight Tuck found out that he's pretty good at killing mermaids Oh yeah And also that when you do that, they release a death whale Which is something the players introduced Much to their chagrin And to my own brain's chagrin Because I had to remember to do that every time they died Billy was just man with no naming These fucking mermaids from the deck with a handful of rocks Absolutely bulls-eyeing people And the fight went on until things looked okay And there was a brief gap in the violence After Tuck started playing music from Touched by the Darkness With the hidden loot that they discovered in the wizard Aquaria's study Chimes took that opportunity, that brief pause in the violence To engage some sort of ability of his to make the boats rocket forward At borderline uncle's ski-do speed!

And they escaped Heading towards the eye of the storm with a terrifying rapidity Before being drawn into the vortex surrounding the storm And Perel had passed out too Chimes had passed out Holy shit, I'm so sorry And Chimes had passed out too You're gonna feel like such a genius when Chimes pulls down his fake beard And it's been Perel The whole time? Oh my god, we all beat him up! Yeah, I would've gone away with it too if it wasn't for you pesky kids!

I was trying to take over the old cotton mill so I could smuggle paintings or something! He hasn't figured out his scheme yet No It's hard to, you gotta come up with a scheme on the fly It's the only way the cops won't track you down Chimes passed out in the boat Ving fed him a bunch of leaves and sticks and mud Which Chimes willingly and gratefully swallowed and then passed out Arriving at the base of the eye of the storm A place that we determined is called the Wooden Wastes made up of…

Dozens and dozens and dozens of ancient and destroyed vessels The party set foot at the eye of the storm for the first time Tuck scooped everybody up and ran Cause Billy Cause Billy Oh yeah Oh right yeah He had a little bloom Billy had a rose blossom in his hair We were saying like because the like spiritual and magical energy is so intense here Yes, it's converging in a strange way It's almost inducing Billy to become…

Yeah, it's converging in a strange way It's almost inducing Billy to become his fae form It's a spiritual form Yeah So that's happening right now And scooping everybody up and running as close to the pillar as possible The party discovered an eroded entrance Pounded into the side of the pillar Entering they found a splotch of blood on the ground And following that blood a short ways they found a slumped over and seemingly dead Bullywug And that is where we join our heroes now I go to the Bullywug Yep Shake him No response Check his pulse Do you know where to check for a pulse on a Bullywug?

Yeah Discern realities This is an armpit I'm a vet and a doctor?

Yeah, I got six And eight Tuck eight He drops chimes Yeah To the ground He's fine I'm gonna check his pulse And then I stick my thumb up its butt And then Tuck comes over and takes my thumb out of his butt And puts it on its neck Two D six plus one Two D six plus one Two D six plus one Two D six plus one Two D six plus one Two D six plus one Two D six plus one Two D six plus one Two D six plus one Oh, wow Holy shit Eleven There we go It's seven to nine We get one question What happened here recently?

Great question So, this Bullywug is very recently dead Probably within the last hour It's still warm in there Oh, geeze Get your fingers out of there, man I wanna know his time of death What are you doing?

He keeps putting his finger in his belly button I think it's dead It definitely died of natural causes Oh, yes so you look at the wounds on the Bollywog and they were made by gigantic talons very consistent with Thunderbird talons you can tell they're Thunderbird talons because the holes are cauterized that's so fucking sick that's really neat give me a second so they're cauterized Chad's just cleaning himself up no I never clean myself up it's a reminder so yeah the wounds are cauterized you can still smell the burned flesh almost and you being a master of the natural world this entrance was eroded also within the last hour and this amount of erosion should have taken hundreds of years if not thousands but something just drilled through and based on the tracks that you see on the ground this was not the only Bollywog here so basically what happened recently is there was a fight outside with Thunderbirds and Bollywugs and something transmuted this pillar in to get away oh my god so is there does the tunnel keep going sure does I think Perel's down that tunnel Chimes don't slap me I'm not going to yes you are Chimes what Perel I think is down this tunnel we think who the guy we're trying to save who fucking cares okay I pick him back up I throw him over oh my god oh my god such a baby Chimes god just give me like five more minutes so old yeah you got it kid whoa you're a genius you're a fairy and a detective wow thanks I am and then waddle away I don't know okay yeah so you can continue down the tunnel yeah let's go let's go yeah so you continue for quite a surprising distance until you feel air blowing at you what does it smell like like damp and it smells like yeah the air is moving from further down the tunnel oh further down the corridor opens up suddenly and you feel like you're in a cavernous space ooh the light from Tuck's axe reaches up but not enough to see like the ceiling of where you are and you're at the edge of a presser precipice it falls down you're at the edge of yeah basically a landing and stairs set into the wall uh like spiral down basically spiral down oh my goodness wow this is fucking cool can I roll trap expert yeah absolutely look shit uh oh oh actually six so okay um I imagine somebody just grabs Billy's collar as he starts walking forward Billy I was gonna walk off the stairs and then I was like oh shit I'm gonna go to the other side of the building I was gonna walk off the stairs and then I was like oh shit I'm gonna go to the other side of the building I was gonna walk off like into the hole Billy hole cool oh fuck six uh shit does that mean I fall down then no well what I was gonna say is because Bilbo was gonna try and uh check out what's going on I was gonna try and just to make a little a light happen yeah a little flame but neither of those things happen sure or actually maybe one of them does happen things like Billy wait and summons a little puff of flame incidental enough that you don't need to roll anything you're looking around at this place the light from the flame is not enough to reach any other wall or anything or ceiling but it is enough to attract the attention of something oh no the stairs go to the right to a corner and then down to the next corner down to the next corner that's how the stairs are arranged uh to your right where it also goes to the other wall you hear frog fuck frog wait frog evil frog no wait frog friend I imagine you all have like a PTSD flashback yeah you're all like oh fuck oh fuck but you if you do you turn to the right we turn and look it's a single Bullywug nude ew none of actually the one of sorry actually I should have mentioned that too the one that you found was not wearing clothes it's just a frog yeah so there's a Bullywug and it's a and it looks over its big bulbous eyes like he looks terrified yeah he looks really scared he's noticed you I will give you time to react to this you can see his neck pouch swell ew it's gonna make a call what do you do who does something somebody do something Billy pop that bubble yes rock yeah rock throw throw rock Billy rock and roll come on 2d6 plus dexterity for volley fuck six again plus your one for halfling oh seven shit yeah nice so what do you have to do I'll take what I can get okay you roll the d8 and then you roll a d6 and you subtract that from the damage five mm-hmm two three okay three actually yeah that's enough you again bullseye this thing I'm gonna roll a d8 I'm gonna roll a d6 I'm gonna roll a d8 I'm gonna roll a d8 I'm gonna roll a d8 I'm gonna roll a d8 I'm gonna roll a d8 I'm gonna roll a d8 a d8 Yeah, you run forward and you just whip this thing.

Billy throws way harder than he should be able to. I was thinking that his hand, like it's like a ball thrower for a dog. Like that movie Rookie of the Year. Yeah. Like he pulls his arm back and you can hear his tendons going like twang, twang, twang. Yeah, she kills his butt. We're like, funky butt loving. Yeah, and it does, it hits it right in its little pouch, pouch slap, and it gets knocked right in the throat and it dies. What was it rummaging through? Bunch of rags and boxes and stuff.

Let's rummage through those. Yeah, rummage. I will also rummage. Rummage, rummage. Rummage, rummage, rummage, rummage, rummage. It was digging around in the trash like some kind of animal. We should dig around in that trash. What kind of trash would get here?

So you start digging around in this garbage and there's nothing, empty boxes, some rags, but tucked into the corner, like it fell behind a bunch of trash and just got stuck there for God knows how long, is a very pale brown leather scabbard about hand length with a symbol of a crescent moon embossed on it. Ooh. Oh. Dibs. Dibs on this. Okay. It's mine. Yeah. I pick it up. We've never seen him want anything. It's got a handle. It's got a, it's a knife. I pull it out.

You pull it out and you close your eyes because the blade is so bright. Ooh. Ooh. Looks at it. The blade looks like it's made out of a beaten white shining metal. Whoa. Does it glow? Yeah. It looks like it's reflecting the light of the moon. Oh my God. Wait, there's no moonlight in here. No. You're hot damn right. There's no moonlight in here. What? I put it away. I'm like, I deserve this because I lost the bill hook, which was the best thing that we ever had. I'm sorry about that. Yeah.

It's man. It's a real shame that he lost that bill hook and you know, Billy lost all of his weapons, but Tuck should definitely have this knife and put it in his backpack. He drops it in his backpack. Billy grabs like a couple of rocks. Never mind. And actually you're more than fine with these rocks. I guess so. Yeah. I think we found Billy's thing. Billy's moving the bags around. He finds the knife and Tuck just jams his hand past him. I deserve this. I have suffered so much more than you guys.

Billy's picking debris off the ground. It's okay. I just fill up on the rocks. It's a good idea. Yeah. So you find that that's beautiful. It's pretty cool. I'm sorry. Tuck was just a dick. No, that's no, it's funny. Okay. He wasn't. He was. He grew up on the street. Yeah. I guess that was a bit of his urchin is coming out as much as you love your family. You're still in your heart. Have this like me first. Well, especially when I see a pile of trash, here's all the old stuff inside.

You saw that leather and you're just like, oh yeah. Oh yeah. It's leather. Yes. It's like a pile of trash. It also made me really hungry to seeing piles of trash also makes tuck hungry. Well, it makes Billy hungry too, but no one asked him. Billy's eating a rotten scarf. No, I'm not. Yeah, I know. My try is too rotten. All right. Yeah. You find that. Cool. Is it time for a discern realities to figure out what the fuck this place is? Could well be. Do it.

I'm going to look at the discern realities about this fucking place. I suppose we is done. 10. Sick. All right. Three questions. Yep. So yeah, I looking around. Who's really in control here? Some. Okay. So something that strikes you as you're looking around is considering that entrance was eroded. It's very strange that there's a landing here. Because there's no door. Yeah. And you're looking around and you're like, there's no door. Why does stairs lead here? Yeah.

So you can see that that section of the pillar was made of a different material. Like it was a door and then it was filled in. What? Hmm. So. Like a bricked off opening. Yeah. Yeah. Like they just fill it up with something. Yeah. And Tuck, as a child, you saw a lot of places like this in McCall. You get the very strong feeling though. It seems weird for one to be here. It's kind of built like a prison. Hmm. The people that built this place are keeping something in here.

They wanted to keep something in here. Does that make sense? I guess so. I mean, somebody also burrowed their way through like meters of rock and is now in this building. Is there a clue as to who or what that person is? Bullywug Flappy's on the ground and one pair of human feet. It's Perel. Is it Perel maybe? It is. Although we did lose that vase. Oh. Fuck. Which has all of Perel's fucking meds. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Perel's fucking magic in it. It fucking does.

I just want to point out that this erosion is indicative of a water erosion. Really? Yeah. It was eroded. Oh my God. Like eroded, eroded. Piss monster. Piss monster. Jesus fucking Christ. That water dick just fucked its way into this damn pillar. True. So what should I be on the lookout for? Hmm. Um. Um. I just don't know how to answer this question. I mean, just do it. Oh, okay. Fuck. I fucking should have thought of that. Sorry. I don't know how to. I'm dumb. Okay. Okay. I just. Yeah. Okay.

That's not working. I was trying to not do it. Fuck. Sorry. So, okay. So, you know there's, you know, there's Bullywugs here. You know there is a person here. Somebody that wears shoes. Could be a Bullywug that jammed its fins. Flippers into a human's pair of shoes. Yep. Um. So, but you know that there are malicious forces here. There's one stairway. Uh-huh.

So I guess what you should be on the lookout for is another way down that won't you, won't lead you right into the center of whatever's going on. Good point. Yeah. Okay. What is about to happen? Uh, okay. Well. If any of you had to guess, the only reason you can imagine anyone would break into a prison is to release whoever's being held there. Oh, fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Ooh. Big boss time. Um. And that's Billy's cue to himself to start to pretend to be a big boss. Yeah. Be brave boy. Yeah. Time.

I touched that like recently received cut, which I realize is still probably really open. Oh yeah. But I slap it to be brave. It hurts a lot. It's a lot. Fuck. Yeah. Billy, stop picking at it. I'm not just getting ready for what is going to be probably a really hard fight. Uh, yeah. So that's what you know. This place seems to be built like a prison. It was supposed to be very secure.

What you should be on the lookout for is a different, if you don't want to walk right into the middle of whatever's happening is a different way down. Okay. And someone is likely you would guess trying to break out whoever's in here or rob the them. Like it could be a tomb robbing situation, but no one ever come robbing. So it's a tomb and a prison. Yeah. I shouldn't have said that. I mean, you can spell or spell or stay guys. Fuck. Fuck me. Literally two ones. You know what?

I'm not going to do it. We're rolled. Die. How like five times or something. I think it's been five games. Yeah. Crazy. Snake guys. How do you think it's happening? I don't know. I don't know. What do you think is happening? So statistically unlikely. I mean, I think that the story is choosing what dice rolls are coming out. Yeah. I think so. Yeah. He's taking it personally. So you're looking around because you do notice carvings on the walls.

Oh, like the walls are engraved with various scenes and they just don't make any sense to you. What are they looking like? There are images of people that you don't recognize. There are natural images, the sky, the land, and they look ancient. I'll tell you that much. They look ancient. Okay. And as you're looking around, Ving is like, hmm, have I seen these ancient drawings before? And in classic Minds of Moria fashion, accidentally kicks a piece of debris over the edge. Oh.

And it's just silent. And then you hear clack, clack, clack, clack, clack, clack, clack. It's dark in here. It's dark in here. Here, here, here, here. Oh, shit. Ving, what did you do? What happens? Do we hear anything? No. Nothing? There's no response? No. Oh, thank God. But crisis averted. Or probably whoever's down there will be ready for you. Yeah, we've lost the element of surprise. Yeah. And it'd be pretty dumb of them tactically to rush up a rail-less stairwell. Yeah. Okay.

I have some ideas for how we can get down there. I'm gonna go ahead and do it. Okay. So, you're gonna go ahead and do it. And then you're gonna go ahead and do it. And then you're gonna go ahead and do it. And then you're gonna go ahead and do it. And then you're gonna go ahead and do it. And then you're gonna go ahead and do it. And then you're gonna go ahead and do it. And then you're gonna go ahead and do it. And then you're gonna go ahead and do it. And then you're gonna go ahead and do it.

And then you're gonna go ahead and do it. And then you're gonna go ahead and do it. And then you're gonna go ahead and do it. And then you're gonna go ahead and do it. And then you're gonna go ahead and do it. And then you're gonna go ahead and do it. And then you're gonna go ahead and do it. And then you're gonna go ahead and do it. And then you're gonna go ahead and do it. And then you're gonna go ahead and do it. And then you're gonna go ahead and do it.

And then you're gonna go ahead and do it. And then you're gonna go ahead and do it. Wait, what do you mean? Oh yeah, is Chimes awake yet? He's getting there. Come on, man. You know what? You could try harnessing the thalamic energies of the world via fucking tattoos. See how that makes you feel, but I should be fine pretty quick. What did you guys do? Where are we? We give him the rundown of what's going on. We're like, we think this might be a prison.

Seems like Bullywugs are guarding it, which makes us think it might be an evil aspect of the wizard Perel that broke in here to get something or someone out. He looks around like he blearily blinks open his eyes and looks around and listens and smells. He closes his eyes again and sighs through his nose. Of course. Of course what? Of course. And you can see that he's struggling against the truth rune that he has tattooed on his body. He has a truth rune on his body?

I'll just tell you what the rune is because I think it's interesting. He has a rune on his body that lets him see the truth of things. So he can see through illusions. People can't lie to him. He can always tell when someone's lying, but it makes him tell the truth. And that's why he always answers our questions? I like that. Because he's magically compelled to tell the truth. I like that magic cuts both ways in our world. You can't compel truth without having… To incur that on yourself.

Especially runic magic. Like tattooing runes on you, you're opening yourself up to a lot of shit. Okay. Tell us what's fucking happening. Yeah, we're in danger here. And Ving just kicked a bunch of rocks off the edge. What the fuck? Okay, this could be kind of heavy. He struggles for a long time to not tell you. And then he says, This is Lillian's tomb. Who's Lillian? Lillian. My wife. What? My wife. Tuck feels bad now. He doesn't want to ask any more questions.

Sorry I kicked a rock down your wife's tomb. That's okay. It doesn't matter anyways. When did she die? That, I can truthfully tell you, I don't know. So long ago. So long ago. It's a long time. After our son, but… Before… And he, like, taps the truth ring on his arm. I really wish we didn't come here. What happened to her? We had a boy. He was something else. What was his name? Rian. Rian. He had her passion and he had my… Stubbornness. And he died. How? I don't want to get into it.

Oh, sorry. You kind of have to tell us. I know. And I will. I'm sorry. But not now. Okay. After he died, she just… Something in her broke. And the heavens broke with it. And she was never the same. Is that what caused the coronet? What do you think? Were you married to the moon? I was. Wait, so… Your honey was the moon? How? He shakes his head. He blows a little bit of air out of his nose and he shakes his head. Where'd you go on your honeymoon? We try really hard not to laugh. Yeah.

And he says… Spirit world. Beautiful. It's a beautiful place to be. Nowhere else like it. Wait, so what are you then? What I am is a man. Just a sad old man. But what were you? A happy man. He's evading. Yeah, he has to tell the truth though. He can evade questions. He can give just enough truth that he doesn't have to directly answer. And he's trying to avoid this. Or he can say, I'll tell you later. Because he means it. But he's not telling you now. Chimes. Yeah. You know what I am. I do.

Why can't you tell me what you are? Do you want me to just lay it out? Yeah. Just in terms that you understand? Yeah. I, Chimes, am the patron of sailors. I was one of the first to take the waves. And I mastered. And over time, they mastered me. What? What? Oh, Jesus. I'm sorry. No, I realize what it sounded like now. There was a different word for that when I was young. This one's pretty new. That one's a newer word I always forget. Master is a very common word when you're a sailor. So seaman.

Seaman. But, uh, yeah, I'm pretty old. I'm sure you've guessed by now. Oh, can I ask one more question? I suppose I am unable to stop you. Was it, was it related to the Exodus? Your son dying? No, no, no, no. Okay. From before? Way before. Long before. Like I said, I was one of the first to take to the waves. When was the last time you were here? Oh, when we closed up that door. Oh. You built the tomb? I helped. Holy fuck. Why would someone want to break in here? They got a score to settle?

With who? With Lillian? No, I'm asking you. Do they have a score to settle? Oh, yes, certainly yes, 100%. If they let her out, she'll get it done. I thought you said she died. Dying's different when you're a god. Somebody's here already? Yes. What, are we gonna fucking sit around all day, busting chops? Let's see what's what. And he, yeah, he slaps his thighs a couple times. Yeah. Slaps his calves, and just, you hear like the, like him, you can hear his bones creaking like old beams. Mm-hmm.

And he just stands up to his full height, which is shorter than most of you, except for Billy. It's interesting, like, we haven't noticed it before, because we've never seen Billy before. Yeah. And he's like, oh, I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I'm gonna go to the bathroom.

It's interesting, like, we haven't noticed it before, because we've never been around Chimes when it's been quiet. But, like, now that we're separated from the ocean, he, when he stretches, he sounds like a ship creaking. Yeah. Yeah. And he always smells like salt spray. Yeah. Um. I don't know why this was in my head. Chimes is exactly as tall as my dad. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Pat's not that tall at all. He's not. He's, like, five, six. Yeah, he's a lot shorter than I am.

But he's still got that leathery… Everything in him seems like it's 100 years old. And he's just as vague as your dad. Sure is. We gonna stand around chipper-jabbing all day? No, let's go. Let's fucking figure out… Let's go do some… Fucking… Let's go fuck up the water. Piss. Chime starts doing that brushing, like, go, go, go. Billy's already walking, like, 12 steps down. I'm running my fingers along the wall.

This is what always happens whenever, like, world history is being revealed, is Billy just leaves eventually. He's like, I've seen all this before. I knew the poem. All right. Billy Kai remembers when he says Lillian, and then Rian, he's like, I've heard of Rian, and then he just, like, is gone. Yeah, bye, everybody. And we're like, Billy, come back! And we run. Back, back, back, back, back. Yeah, so, I mean, you can head down these stairs all the way.

Are you looking for anything, or are you just trying to get to the bottom? I'm just touching the wall to see if there's, like, another door-ish kind of thing. You start walking down these steps in the purple light of the axe, and you feel the, like, pressure in the room getting greater. Like, you can feel it's like you have a weight hanging above your head. Our ears are popping. Yeah. We're going below the water level, I think. We are. And after you do a full circuit… Basically, you go down.

Boop, boop, boop, boop. Underneath the landing that you started on, you see another section that's, like, walled in. He chimes. Do you remember what's behind there? Yeah, I do. It's an old practice. Purely ceremonial, but that's the offering room. Offering room? What's that? Sort of a thing. The idea was, since it's a tomb and a prison, it was supposed to both honor Lillian and… And potentially equip whoever was sent to destroy her. It's still sealed. Yeah, I fucking hope so. Uh…

He and he… Are you all just, like… You're all looking at each other and then looking at the door, and chimes is like, don't even fucking think about it. Okay, fine. Yeah, that's… We're not gonna steal your dead wife's shit. Sorry. Damn right you're not. Okay. Let's just keep going. We're mercenaries. It's instinct. Right. We just want to find… We just want to find… We just want to find our stupid wizard. Yeah. And you continue down the stairs?

Wait, can Billy, like, feel for Perel to see if he's down here? I think I'm gonna try… Oh, yeah. Are the walls damp? Yes. Okay. As I'm running my fingers along, I am gonna kind of, like, reach out my vibes for Perel. Oh, through the water. Yeah. Yeah. Sick. Defy danger charisma. A nine. Oh. Nine, okay. I have a jar of the sea graves. Oh, you do? For an aid. Okay. Oh, interesting. Yeah, okay, sure. 2d6 plus bond. Holy shit. 13. Wow. Yeah, so what do you do with this water? Can I just…

He just puts it in my hands. Yeah, totally. Pours a little bit in there. Mm-hmm. And you send your little mental magical pulse through the water on the walls. You feel it, like, course down the structure, kind of mapping it out almost, like… Yeah. Bing, bing, bing. Man, this… Guys, this goes deep. And you get all the way to the bottom, and it hits the floor, and then you're like, oh, it's just fucking webbed feet. Wall to wall. What? And in the middle, there is a man.

And it feels very similar to Perel. And I know I've communicated with him before. Yep. And this is what I'm going to say, since it's a 10. Yeah. You start to reach out, and then it feels wrong, and you pull right back. Ooh. But you're like, that's Perel. I'm going to say hi. No, I am not. And then you pull it back. Oh, no. Guys. Perel's at the bottom. But he feels weird. I should say there's a lot of frogs down there, too. The fuck? We've already deduced that this is the piss monster.

I feel like that confirms it. I think so. Where's Perel, then? Where the fuck is Perel? No, that's Perel. So has the piss monster taken over Perel's body? I think so. So what the fuck do we do? If our friend is, like… What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck do we do? How did we get the piss monster out of Perel before? I died. Well, that's not really enough. Okay, that's… We're not doing that again. He's slowly putting bullets into a .45. What the fuck is that?

Chimes is like, give me that back. Shoves it in his pocket. What does that do? You know what? You don't want to know. How do we… How did… What I will say is that you guys didn't… Didn't. Yeah. No, they were already separated. It leaked out of the box into Billy. And then you removed it from Billy. Oh. Fuck. Shit. Yeah. You didn't meet the physical form of Perel until you freed him in the vault. Hey, I turned to Chimes. I'm like, have you been following what the situation is right now?

I'm putting it together, yeah. Is there another way that we can free our friend from this malignant piece of him? Hey, I… Tuck wouldn't know that word. Malignant? Would… Is there a way that we can get the piss monster out of our friend? Hey, I hate to say it, but you guys are punching above my weight right now. What the fuck are you talking about? You're a goddamn patriot. Uh-huh. How the fuck do we solve this problem? Honestly, I gotta say, I have no fucking idea.

When we first met Piss Monster Perel… Yeah. It was just the Piss Monster version. You mean like back in season two? Yeah. It was Perel was stuck in the box. Yes. Which was… Starting to like open. When it cracked. When it cracked. And the box being near Billy caused the negative aspects of Perel to leech into Billy. And then we went to the pool. Yeah. And… T-bagged him. T-bagged him. And the malignant negative magical energy wanted to go into the place that there was the most magic.

So it went into the water, which is how the Piss Monster escaped. And then we introduced it to the Sea of Graves. Because we trapped it. And then we put it in the vase. And then we stored the vase in fucking Morris Wadges' house. I'm sorry. And then Billy dropped it in the goddamn fucking ocean. I'm sorry. This is exactly the situation that I want. It is like stacked. Like complications on complications. Story threads driving forward to like a breaking point. And now you're kind of fucked.

You guys. Yes. The book. The Aquarius notebook. Oh, yeah. I know. I'm gonna pull it out of my backpack. Someone read it. Ving, you read really well. Fuck you, Tuck. That's fair. No, he's right. I show it to Ving. I'm like, is there anything in here we can use? Flip, flip, flip, flip, flip, flip, flip, flip, flip, flip, flip, flip, flip, flip, flip. It's three. It's three. Plus his intelligence is three. This is… This should be illegal. We need a re-roll. Why do we keep giving Paul dice?

Uh, so… What you do learn from this book is it has fucking nothing to do with this. They had no hand in the prison. It's literally just them spitballing ideas back and forth, mailing a book to each other. What we realize when we read through it is that it is a draft copy of Love and Lust. And they were the original writers of it. No, no, no. You said there's diagrams. There's designs. We looked closer. It's a drug. You have two people having sex. Oh my God. I refuse. No.

What it is, is it's kind of like, um, you know when you just text a friend to bounce an idea off them? Oh, yeah. It's the magical equivalent of that. They sent the book back and forth. And there's like… It's a message thread. Exactly. You'll see a page with like a design that Morris Wadge came up with and be like, what do you guys think? And then like notes from Aquaria and Perel being like… Perel's like, this is a dog shit design.

And then, uh, Morris, you later, uh, further down you see a page that's written obviously by Morris in his handwriting. It goes… A page by Perel. I want to make a bigger frog. I made a pretty big frog before and I'm going to make an even bigger one. This is just a book of bickering egos. And then just a drawing of a really bad frog. And Perel being like, I would never do this. Fuck. Well, there must be a reason she hid it away.

I think she was embarrassed to be associated with these two idiots. Or it meant a lot to her. Yeah. That's really nice. Okay, good. I'm glad we get my shitty world and ruin your sweet book. Yeah, so this book could be useful and interesting, but not in this situation. What about this book, Magic Weather Book? Well, I'll be hot damned. We're in a magic storm. Yes. Maybe it could be useful. Yeah. Tuck. I will try and read. He pulls out a pair of glasses that he's been hiding.

He's so self-conscious about this. Tuck wears glasses? Yeah, he just didn't want everyone to know that he was a fucking nerd. This is huge. Wow. This is bigger than the Lillian thing. Yeah. Tuck wears reading glasses. My best friend is a nerd. My mouth is a gate. Nerd. Nerd. Nerd. We're really giving them a lot of confusing information down there. Yeah, they're like, what is happening? Are they coming to stop us or what? Why are they screaming nerd? I'm like 99% through my evil plan.

I love the idea that Ving and Billy are like, the magician's journal. They should have deep insight into these magical workings. And Tuck is like, cloud up there. Book of cloud. Starts flipping through. Idiot. The book about clouds. Idiot. Clouds are related to this somehow. I've always thought clouds were evil, and this confirms it. I've never trusted clouds before. I've never trusted clouds from the day that my dad died. Bruce Spruce. I saw that chicken, and I saw a bunch of clouds.

I think they colluded together somehow. So I'm going to take this book. And learn about these clouds. And this is Tuck's internal monologue. But he's doing the thing like in a sitcom when someone has an internal monologue, and he's acting it out. Yeah, so he's wearing his fucking nerd glasses, and he's going to. So this is a Spout Lore. Spout Lore. Shit. Fucking. Fuck. Whoa. Holy. That's what I'm saying. Two sixes. Two sixes. Plus intelligence. That's what I'm fucking talking about. Two sixes.

It stays the same. All right. Hey, so here's the reality, gang. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know how you're going to solve this problem. How does this book help you? What does it tell you? Okay. I think it might have something to do with the fact that there's a vortex of cloud above you. That is a coalescing of magical and spiritual energy. Yeah. The spiritual energy is being drawn from below. The thalmic energy is being drawn from above.

And the thalmic energy is being cascaded when there's a buildup in the form of lightning and electricity. Yeah. The electricity is actually. Just raw magic. Raw magic. Raw magic. It's sick. Also, Billy, I should say, the deeper you go in this tower, the more flowers you start feeling in your hair. Oh, my God. I'm like. You have a beautiful midsummer crown. Thank you. And you just like spit up like a fern. Bunch of pollen. Like a kid. A bunch of pollen. Who falls out of his mouth. Yeah.

Puff of yellow pollen out of his mouth. Billy, are you feeling okay? No, I feel weird. Oh, yeah. Tuck and Ving. Your kid is covered in flowers. Yeah. We just noticed. Billy. It's like. Rose. Geranium. Peony. What can we do? How can I help you? Billy, what's happening? I just thought of something. If Billy's reverting back to his fairy state, he's forgetting like himself. I just imagined like the further he got, the more separated from Billy, the human he would become.

So it's like Billy would just keep flowering and then eventually turn into like my summer child. Where you evolve to your next state. Yeah. Like he's forced into the summer. Can you feel. He can't feel it yet, but he knows the process. Yeah. And he's afraid. Yeah. Billy. Now that you're down at this level of the staircase, you can just smell Jasmine in the air. And I take a step back. What's going on, Bill? I don't think I can go any further. Okay. You don't have to.

So I turned to Ving and I'm like, hey, can we can we talk just you and me? Yeah. Yeah. So we we walk off to like have a conversation. Okay. Chimes says. Make it quick. I don't want to risk Billy. We're not going to risk Billy. We're taking him down there. We're risking him. There's always a way out. There's not always a way out. No, I am. Why are we going down to get Perel? But we can't sacrifice Billy to save Perel. Hell no. And we wouldn't. Fucking shit. We can't leave Perel behind, right?

We can't choose Billy over Perel. But we also can't choose. Perel over Billy. That's not who we are. Yeah. We got it. We got to try. I think. I think I know what we have to do. Billy and Chimes have to go back up to the top of the pillar. Ving would have to leave the way we came. And Tuck would have to go down. Okay. So we walk back to Chimes and Billy. And I'm like, I have a plan. But Billy, you might not like it. What? What is it? So. Like, I just want to hear what your ideas were. Yeah. Yeah.

The thing that we just talked about was that, like, there's no way Ving or Tuck would risk Billy. Like, our kid is turning into a flower man. Yeah. And there's, like, no universe where, like, us as parents would be like, let's keep going down. Yeah. Yeah. But then we started thinking, like, larger, too. And it's like, if Billy is reverting to his spirit form, then that has effects on Ving's shapeshifting and Tuck's axe. Oh, shit. Yeah. Oh, fuck. I didn't think of that.

The axe might be useless and I can't. No, the stronger that would be. Yeah, the stronger it would become. But it's like, Ving couldn't shapeshift in the spirit realm. Yeah. Oh, you could just call spirits to you. And the axe. Yeah. Like, Terry, Larry, and Chad would become closer to the aspect of rock. Oh, yeah. The axe would just become an axe without Terry, Larry, and Chad in it. Interesting. Yeah. Because we were only thinking about what the increased spiritual energy would do to Billy. No.

Yeah. It's going to be all connected to the spirit world. Totally. Holy shit. Okay. Yeah. Damn. So what was your plan based on that? Was it leave? No. It's not all of us. Not all of us. And I will say about Tuck, the thing he's most concerned about is that his kid doesn't forget who he is. Yeah. Like, above everything. That's what it is. Okay. So you're not going to risk Billy and you don't want to leave Perel behind. What is your plan?

So Tuck is flipping through the book and he's like, redressing his glasses. It's been so long since he's worn them. Yeah. They're upside down and Ving's like, he takes his glasses on and puts them the other way around. And then Tuck flips the book up. So basically, I get to the part about collections of magical weather systems and the effects that they have on wizards.

And it says that high concentrations of magic in water can allow wizards to separate aspects of themselves, especially if there is a strong dichotomous force within the wizard. Oh. So when Billy was teabagged, there was… Like, the good part of Perel, who tried to save the world, and then the insane part of Perel, like the darkness inside of him that formed from like a hundred years of being trapped in a box.

And it said that that is true of any intense magical field will cause that separation to happen again. And the lightning bolts in this storm in the Sea of Graves are pure magic. So the plan that came was this. We would knock a fucking hole in the water. We would knock a fucking hole in the water. We would knock a fucking hole in the water. We would knock a fucking hole in the water. We would knock a fucking hole in the roof of this pillar. Oh. And open it up to the storm. Mm-hmm.

Then Ving would use the Thunderbird. He would use a natural ally to call down a massive pillar of lightning. Whoa. To create enough of a magical field to allow Perel to free himself. Mm-hmm. Wow. So to make that work, my plan was to send Chimes and Billy back up to the storm. Mm-hmm. And then I would go up to the top of the pillar to hammer that hole in the top with my axe. Uh-huh. I would take the knife, go down, and get ready to pull Perel out of there.

And Ving would leave the way we came and get the Thunderbird and get ready to fly it into the hole that you guys are making. Man, so sick. That's a great idea. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So that's the plan, correct? Yeah. Okay. Well, is everyone okay with that plan? Yeah. Yes. Like, that's also risky, but whatever. This whole thing is crazy. It's fucked. It's fucked. Yeah. I think, like, that's just what we're saying, is like, Billy, we can't let you go down any further. It's too dangerous.

Um, I guess I don't feel very good, but I don't want to leave you guys. You won't. This is a way that we can all be together, which is not right now. We just have to split up to make this work. Okay. I mean, this sounds like as good a plan as any. You good? He looks at Tuck. Can I get some of that? You got some fucking armor that was in your wife's, like, treasure chamber? Please. Please. Please, James. Because all I have is this knife, and I pull out the moon knife. If you guys take my axe.

He looks at that, and he snatches it out of your hand. Hey, man. I took that from Billy, fair and square. And he… I stole that from my kid. And he holds it, and he's just, like, tears in his eyes. Oh, no. And he says, technically, you stole it from my kid. What? What? What? This is your son's knife. This is Rian's knife. It was in a free box upstairs. I'm sorry. Sorry, there's a lot of rags. It said free on the side of it. And there's a DVD of Cool Runnings in there. It was empty.

The DVD was empty. The DVD case had just Taylor Swift's red in it. And a bunch of dead earwigs. And he… Yeah, he just says, his mom made it for him. And he clasps his hand around it really tight. And then he slaps it onto your chest. I agree. Damn it. If you lose this, you're gonna regret it. Yeah. Tuck's balls shrivel up. Yes, got it. Yeah, I bet I will. And I guess he takes you to the tribute room. Okay, so he… You get to the top. Yeah. And it's stoned in or whatever.

And Tuck is like, all right, here we go. And he pulls the axe back, and he puts a hand on you. And then he just puts his hand on the stone. And it melts away. What? Whoa. Did I not mention I can do that? No. No, you didn't mention… You made us just walk around feeling around like a bunch of idiots? I guess I did. Boy, is your face red. Come on, come on. And he takes you into this room. I think the majority of it is like over a thousand years old. It's probably unusable.

It's laid out on four statues. Mm-hmm. Set like, boom. Like one, two, and in the back, three, four. And they're all armed and armored. Uh-huh. Like they have silver helmets, silver chest plates, silver greaves, silver bracers, and like a silver sword and a silver shield. And they're all just like covered in moon motifs. Is it silver or is it something else? Because I feel like… Shining. Sorry, it's shining. It's a silver color. Yeah, it's not made of silver. Cool. Wow. And most…

It's beautiful. Sorry. That is what they would have looked like in their heyday. I think most of it… Most of it is like crumbled with time. Oh, shoot. Oh. Yeah. And Chimes goes, ah, hell. And he turns to the three of you like, I probably should have expected that. He goes over to the dehumidifier and it's unplugged. Wow, there's a problem right there. There you go. Shit. So who unplugged the dehumidifier? God damn it.

No, it's plugged into the wall, but there's a switch that's unflipped and he flips it and it turns back and he's like, I keep telling people not to use this switch. And he puts a piece of tape back over it. Do not use. Can I like look around? Or what do you call it? Yeah. Discern reality. Yeah, discern reality. Eight. Eight. So you get one question from the list. What here is useful or valuable to me? Please, Seth. Let's figure it out. Let's figure it out.

So like there's several boxes, well, like stone. Chests. Chests. Stone chests. Yeah. And I'm like, can you guys help me push the lid off this one? Yeah, I do it. And I open it. And it's like shining pieces. Oh. Oh, armor. I see. It's in the chest. So it didn't disintegrate. Yeah. And there's pieces with ward stone. Oh. Integrated how? What's it called? Like inlay. So it's silver colored armor with ward stone inlay. Hot fucking damn. That would be a big deal. Yeah. With a pretty penny.

That's what Bing says to Chime. Oh, danger. Ching. And he just looks at you. I mean, Cha Ching is an honorific where Bing comes from. I know what it means. Good. Okay. I know what I know what Ching means. It means many apologies for the loss of your wife. But at least she was rich. I'm old. I'm not stupid. Okay. So I'm neither. Okay. Okay. I like the idea that it fits Tuck. I also like the idea that he has to make do with what he has. I like that more. It's like you get like a bracer.

I think that that also suits Tuck's style more where he's just like fucking just kicks the box and like scatters everything across the ground. Chimes is like, come on. Dude, what the fuck? You know me. Come on. Don't be disappointed in this. Yeah. We have to rummage through for the goods. Yeah. We don't know how to. We can't. We can't. We can't. I just want you to understand that you're saying the words rummage in my wife's tomb. How else are you supposed to find things? Yeah. Reverently. Okay.

I will reverently rummage or whatever. And yeah, we just start going through it. And I think Tuck, like it is, the armor is like really small. It's too small for Tuck. But there is one leather. Bracer. Bracer. Bracer. No, I think it's, I think it's metal. Oh yeah. I think it's, I think it's a metal grieve. It's a leg over Tuck's forearm. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. It was for a leg, but it fits over your arm. Yeah. Some of this might fit Bing too.

He's very, Bing's very tall, but he's like kind of normal human width. Yeah. I'll take, I can take on some, but doesn't want to be weighed down. Yeah. I think that's Tuck. Yeah. He's like a, he's like a real natural guy. Yeah. Yeah. Like both of you are looking at this armor. Like, I don't know. I mean, it's really flashy. Yeah. I don't want to look, I don't want to be that guy. It's a little too chitching, you know? Shows up in armor. Sorry.

I was imagining this like discovery of an amazing and ancient suit of like anti-magic armor. Yeah. And you're all like, I don't know. And you look over at Bill and he's like drumming on the helmet. I would never. I know. I'm being reverent. So yeah, I take, I take the grieve, like the leg piece and I strap it around my arm and I loop the leather holster for the neck. And I slide the knife through this, one of the straps and I slide the knife in there. Rian's knife. Cool. Yeah.

And I'm like, this is all I need. I think. Can you please wear this chain mail? Just in case. Oh, it's so cute. And he's like, holding it up with all this strength. And I'm like. I don't want to leave you. Okay. Okay. Billy, I'll put it on. Okay. And I put it on and it's a half shirt on me. Crop tops. Crop tops. It's a mesh half shirt. Yep. It looks good. Yeah. Thanks. Those greaves kind of look like big puffy socks. Tuck has an additional point of armor. Cool. Cool.

Ving finds a little, a chain that was holding on a cape. It's like, I don't know, three feet of silk, the silver material chain. Yeah. Sweet. He wants to attach it to his bird, the wooden bird thing, puts it around his neck and finds a, there's a glove. That's one of the silver. It's a silver unarmored glove. Ooh. He puts on over top of his messed up hand. That's cool. Mm-hmm. Oh, he has just one silver glove. Nah. Why? What's wrong with that? Shimon. Does this look cool? Shimon.

Tell me the truth. Shimon. Yeah. Okay. Sweet. So you have like a gauntlet and a necklace. Yeah. Yeah. Billy, find anything? Do you want the other gauntlet? Yeah. You know what? That makes sense. Yeah. I'll take both gauntlets. That's good. Yeah. I should wear both of them. That's a good point. I am wearing the helmet, but it's definitely too big. For me. Yeah. What's the thing that Billy could find? What about daggers and stuff? Oh, yeah. Because you only got rocks. Yeah. There's like, yeah.

There's a very high quality silver dagger. I'll take that. Sweet. It's like a sword on me. Yeah. That's true. Yeah. It's basically a short sword. So you have like a short sword instead of a dagger. Ooh. What if so he's not just throwing rocks? Billy finds a sling. Oh. Like just off, like not even in this chest. There's just like a sling off in a corner. Yeah. It's not the greatest quality, but I'll take it. Cool. Are you done robbing my wife's tomb? Look, we're just trying to help. I know.

I know. I'm sorry. I'm being, I'm feeling touchy. I know. There's a bunch of frogs down there, like wrecking the place. Oh, if you think I'm frustrated with you, you should wait until I get a hold of them. Okay. Everybody done? Yes. All right. Let's get the hell out of here. All right. And you guys like leave back onto the land. He's like, wow, you know what? I got to say for a bunch of evil frogs, they're being super accommodating. I was going to say that too.

But he's like, that must mean that they're close or focused. So we should get a move on. Yeah. And I turn and I bring Bing in and I give him a hug and I'm like, if I don't get out of this, you got to, you have to take care of Billy. I can't do it on my own. Tuck, you're getting out of this. Yeah. Bing reaches over and grabs the handle of one of the rotten swords and snaps off the rusted sword and then holds his hand up in front of his face, his stump of a crystal hand. Uh-huh.

And forms it and it slowly goes up into the shape of a purple amethyst billhook and then snaps it off. Whoa, fuck. Jams it into the handle and says, here, you're going to need this. Thanks, man. Is this one impenetrable? Yeah. Yeah. I grab him and I hug him tight and I'm like, I missed it so much. And I kneel down and I bring Billy in and I hug him. I hug you back. And I'm like, you stick with Jams, okay? Yeah. Take these. What do you have? Two feathers. Okay. Okay. I take the feathers.

Just for good luck. I tie them into my beard. Thanks, Billy. I'll see you later. I'll see you later. You promise? I promise. You promise? I promise. Pinky promise. Pinky promise. Rub a dub dub. In the tub of love. Okay. I turn to Jams and I give him the axe. I'm like, you take care of these guys. You hand him the axe and he sags under its weight for a second and goes, holy hell. Okay. Good. Tuck just takes one last look at everyone. He's like, all right, guys. I'll see you later. Okay.

See you soon, buddy. See you really soon. And I start walking downstairs. I hate to see him leave, but I love to watch him go. Billy doesn't say anything. He just watches Tuck walk into the darkness. And the camera hangs on that image for a second. Ving and Billy watching their friend descend into God knows what. Oh, my God. And Chime stands beside you with Tuck's axe over his shoulder as Tuck walks to his potential death. And that's where we're going to end it for this week.

I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara. Joining me as always, playing Fat Billy, the Halfling Thief, Jessica Tai. Bye, everyone. Playing Ving, the Half-Elf Druid, Paul Oppers. See you soon. Playing Tacoma Dome, the Barbarian, Abdul Aziz. Thank you to Aaron Reed for our amazing intro and outro music. And thank you to all of our amazing supporters. Susporters. Susporters. I actually saw somebody. On the fag club say, whenever Sean says supporters instead of susporters, I get a little sad.

Yeah, I saw that too. So this one's for you, name forgotten. Because of my bad memory, not because you're forgettable. I love each and every one of you. You can find us on social media at speltloremostplaces, including patreon.com slash speltlore. And that's it, man. We'll see you next week. We're going to see how this wraps up. Bye, everybody. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Return next week to hear some more Whilst you commute or do your chores And for you I'd gladly spout more

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes, noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape, and wields a spear with great might Billy's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends, and listen close For the tale's about to start Hello everybody, and welcome to Spout Lore I'm your game master Sean O'Hara, and joining me as always, playing Fat Billy the Halfling Thief Jessica Tai Hello Playing Ving the Half-Elf Druid Paul Loppers Hello there And playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian Abdul Aziz When last we left our heroes, they had arrived at the eye of the storm I can't not talk, it would be weird I am amazed that you went that long without letting people know you were here Yeah It would be weird because I have to engage in the rap out, in the, yeah Yeah, actually that's what I was going to say Is there is a lot of stuff that happens, I kind of want to wrap it up together Yeah I get exhausted by recapping what happened in the previous episode Yeah, okay So, you arrived at the eye of the storm Wait, wait, can you reintroduce me and I'll say hello?

This is all part of the intro Yes it is Yeah, bad news, this is all part of the intro Okay Jessica, you do it this time Welcome to Spout Lore, as always playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian Abdul Aziz Hello everybody Playing the Halfling Thief Jessica Tai Me And playing Ving the Half-Elf Druid Paul Oppers Hey, what's the next thing I say? When last we left our heroes Oh It's cool, cool, cool They were in some hot shit Whoa You know what I didn't think about until just now?

When last we left our heroes is probably well known by our listeners as a thing that I say Yeah I think so, yeah, at this point Holy shit It's a staple of our podcast now It's also, it's a staple of fantasy I did not come up with when last we left our heroes, but I like saying it a lot No, the original fantasy writer of all time came up with it Jesus Christ I'm talking about the big man upstairs Yeah God Um, yeah, when last we left our heroes, they'd arrived at the eye of the storm They, end of the previous episode, had found an entryway into the pillar Finding a very recent A very recently dead Bullywug Who had apparently been killed by a Thunderbird Mortally wounded before dragging itself into the pillar itself And after fucking up quite a lot at first for sure The party was alerted to a very much alive Bullywug In a corner, rooting around in some garbage Disrespectfully rummaging Disrespectfully rummaging What happened next?

I found a fancy knife and then Tuck took it And that's fine, he deserved it Describe the knife, what was the knife like? The knife was in a leather thing, a baggy, what do you call them? A leather baggy No, sword baggy Knife baggy A daggy baggy What are they called? Dagger baggy Sheath, leather sheath?

Yeah Sheath Wow, we dove on Jessica for saying baggy I'm sorry No, no, I'm sorry It's self conscious that we know the words and you are cool and you don't know the words No, I don't, I just, I just, it's like when I read and it's like, oh, I don't know the words I don't know the words It's like when I read and it's a word I don't understand, just glaze over it Yeah Every word I don't understand is just the word pudding I replace it with pudding Anyway, on the leather was a moon symbol embossed and when you open, like pull the dagger out, it's bright like the moon And we discovered something about the architecture It's a prison Yeah It's a prison Appeared to be built as a prison There's spiral stairs that lead all the way down Mm-hmm And on the walls are…

Or were like engravings that we can't read anymore just due to age Mm-hmm And we determined that the only reason anyone would break into a place that looked like a prison is to break something out Yeah Paul, on to Paul, what happened next?

Wait, we were on the big platform, Chimes woke up and told us the history of what this place was Mm-hmm That it was the tomb and jail of his grieving and slash dead wife Mm-hmm Who was the moon goddess Mm-hmm And lost her mind when they lost their son, Rian, and was imprisoned at the bottom of this place And would be very dangerous to be let out Mm-hmm In her state Mm-hmm What happened next?

We started going down the stairs Mm-hmm And as we were descending, Billy turned into a flower boy He started, yeah, blossoming more flowers in his hair, kind of reverting to his spiritual self And we realized that the further down we went, the closer to the spirit realm we'd be And we realized that the further down we went, the closer to the spirit realm we'd be Which was dangerous for Billy And it's also dangerous for Vang Because it makes it harder for him to shape-shift And made it dangerous for the axe, because Larry, Terry, and Chad are, they're They become closer to the aspect of, the truest aspect of rock So they start leaving the axe if we go too far down Mm-hmm And then we didn't even know where Perel was or what was happening Mm-hmm And so we used his magic and sent a pulse through all of the dripping water And felt Perel, and then when he was gonna reach out to him He realized that something was wrong with Perel Mm-hmm And that it was bad Perel Mm-hmm And that the piss monster had taken over Perel's body And was surrounded by frogs And he was Bollywogs Oh yeah He was surrounded by Bollywogs Yeah And they were doing something Mm-hmm At the bottom of the pillar Mm-hmm And after determining that, the party came up with a plan In which Billy and Chimes would go to the top of the pillar with Tuck's axe Open a hole in the ceiling And Ving, atop his thunderbird, would call a bolt of lightning Which we determined is pure magic this close to the eye of the storm Into the tower to lead to a separation of Perel and the water monster Mm-hmm Yeah, same as it was in the season two finale Yes We dunked Billy in the pool Mm-hmm And the magic of the pool drew out the water monster Yes And Tuck's role in this is grab Perel Mm-hmm Once that separation occurs, grab Perel and fucking beat feet Yeah Yeah And Billy's role in it is to go up top with Chimes And smash an opening in the top of the pillar with Mm-hmm Yeah, Tuck gave Chimes his axe Yeah, with the axe Yeah So that the storm can enter Yeah And so that Ving and the thunderbird can come through Mm-hmm And you outfitted yourselves with ancient equipment from an offering room in the tomb Which Chimes was not psyched about but understands the necessity of Mm-hmm And then we had a very sad and heartfelt goodbye Temporarily, as everybody went to their part of the plan Tuck descended the stairs into darkness Yep On some level it was a if I die kind of goodbye Yeah I'm not gonna die Nah Yeah, I told these guys I wasn't gonna die Might die I might die I told you you were not gonna die Yeah Great, and that is where we come into the action Billy and Ving exit onto the wooden wastes Yeah, huffing and puffing Mm-hmm Cause we're, no time to lose Mm-hmm The rain is lashing you Yeah, whatever, let's just, where's the bird?

Ving's trying to call the bird Yeah Ring the bird Let's have the bird Uh-huh Just, sorry, sometimes he's late Just hold his hand He holds his arm up Where are ya? Land here, buddy, I got a little mouse for ya Yeah Land here, buddy, I got a little mouse for you Usually comes right away Hey, Paul slash Ving Yeah I have a question for you Mm-hmm What would being this close to the roost of the king of the thunderbirds do to your thunderbird?

It would make him obedient to the, the king of the thunderbirds Ooh Wow So I think He can't get out of that pecking order Yeah, I think you look through the eyes of your thunderbird and before you is the king of thunderbirds Oh Like you're staring up this enormous specimen What does it look like?

I was gonna say because yours is so dark, I kind of wanted the king to be white Wow Like white feathers Like Gandalf the white Like Gandalf the white Cool, yeah That makes sense, cause anything superior is white Oh, God What I was thinking was gold Sean, be careful Oh, no, my biases They're leaking into reality He's got a big comb on the top of his head Oh, no, my biases They're leaking into reality Oh, no, my biases They're leaking into reality Oh, no, my biases He's got a big comb on the top of his head Cool A bigger comb and a longer tail, very long tail Ooh And yeah, all white and very, very powerful giant beak, more ravenous than the rest Mm-hmm Does he have a stone in his head too?

No Whoa He has three Whoa Oh Yeah I didn't know they can have more than one, that's cool Yeah They're different colors, yeah His three are different colors? Mm-hmm Mm-hmm Ving's learning this now Wow All right, that's pretty cool So yeah, you can feel like fear and reverence in your Thunderbird as it's just like, all right, this is big daddy, I don't know what to do, I want to go save my friends, but this is the big boy Yeah What do you do?

What I'm thinking is the amount of power can't come from the bird Mm-hmm And it needs to come from the king. We need to convince the king to help us out. All right. So problem numero uno. How are you getting up the tower? Is it crazy to try and turn into a Thunderbird? No. That's sick. This is the time. The time has come. Okay, Vink's going to try and turn into a Thunderbird. Wow. And walk into the court of the king of Thunderbirds. Ooh, baby. Nine. Okay. Can I aid? Yes. I'm still blossomed.

Yeah. I'm, like, really close to the spirit world right now. Good point. It's true. I'm going to aid you. What's the aid? I just hold your hand, and I let the spirit, like, flow through you. Oh, so lame. Could have been so cool. 26 plus bond? What is that? I can't see. Tuck. Can you aid Billy from hell? Yeah. It cuts away to me. It cuts away to me for a second, and I'm just like, baby, they're doing something cool up there. Okay. So one hold. One hold. That's fine. Billy still fails.

Mark a point of experience. Yeah. Okay. I can't forget. Yeah. Oh. Billy's shaking it off. Yeah. You see this massive Thunderbird in front of you now, and you go, oh, a bird. Yeah. Like, there's no conception for a few moments that that's Vink. A pretty bird. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Wow. And, whew. Up into the air. He's got silver talons. Yeah. What does Vink look like as a Thunderbird? His hair goes into this beautiful gray collar of feathers. His wings are jet black. Wow.

With a streak of white feathers in the middle of them. His tail is multi-flapped with a big red streak going from the tip of his beak. Oh, cool. All the way down the back of his head. Oh, cool. And then, yeah, because he has those silver gauntlets on, he's got big silver talons. And he's got the gills, of course. Always has the gills. The gills of a chair. Do you have the amethyst? Amethyst in the forehead. Amethyst. Sorry, amethyst. That's his gem. That's the gem. The amethyst floats up.

That's so cool. Oh, sick. The gem is the amethyst. Thank you. And inside the amethyst is a small crystal cabinet with a little blue ball of moss. Oh, so cool. We haven't even used the moss yet. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You guys went through all of that for a moss you haven't even referenced. Fuck. Yeah.

And you take to the skies. Woof. Woof. Woof. And you alight at the top of the Eye of the Storm. An absolutely massive roost sits at the very top, made of vessels new and old. A jumble of woodwork you see in one spot. The wooden visage of a dragon jutting from a pile of sharpened stakes. You see the prow of a mighty warship. And on top of that warship prow sits Shipbreaker, the king of the Thunderbirds. Wow. Oh, cool. Fucking cool name. Wow.

I've been thinking about Shipbreaker for three fucking years. Sorry. Cut that. I'm just so glad. No. Complexed both of his bice. If they were any bigger, it would have technically been toxic masculinity. Oh, man. Okay. I'm glad you guys like the name Shipbreaker. Yeah. So the king of the Thunderbirds stands before you. He bows low with his wings. They decide. You're trying to mimic the bow that your Thunderbird is doing. And what does the king of the Thunderbirds sound like? Thunder. Why?

Why come you here? Yeah. I come representing the world. The world outside of your great kingdom. The world, the land beyond the sea of graves is in trouble and threatened. But what lies beneath your kingdom? You take our shape. You have not earned it. Yes, I have. No. No. No. No. No. No. You just weren't there to see it. No, you haven't. And you can see his eyes widen. His head cocks his eyes. He turns his head. His huge eye looks right at you.

And I think your Thunderbird steps forward a little bit as the bird is like, how dare you speak back to me? Your bird steps forward and says, my leash. He does walk the land, but he is pure of heart. He takes this form. He takes this form not as an insult, but as a bridge between our peoples. Please, if this is any befouling of our ways, place the blame on me, not on him. And you hear like thunder roll. Like, very well. Oh, such a good opportunity for the shipbreaker to be like, I will allow it.

I will allow it. But if anything happens, it is on your head, Cloudpiercer. Oh! Yes. Or a cool name. That is a cool name. And Cloudpiercer nods his head and steps back next to you. Thank you. Thank you. We cut back to Billy and Chimes. Yeah, so Billy is blooming even more. Hmm. And Chimes is just sitting on a beam. Billy's very quiet. How you feeling, kid? I feel so far away. What do you mean? I mean, you see me. I do. This is my form, I guess.

This would be what I would have been if I had stayed in the spirit world. I think so. Or a shadow of it, at least. Is this not what you want to be? No. No, I want to live. And I don't want to forget. I'm just trying not to. What do you want to remember? Who do you want to remember? I want to remember Tuck. I want to remember Ving. What about them do you want to remember? Their friendship. And family. What about them has made you stay with them for so long? You could have been anywhere.

You could have done anything. And you stayed with them. I've done everything. I've done everything. I don't need anymore. And Chimes leans forward from where he's sitting on the beam. Like, leans way forward. Like he's at a beach bonfire. And he taps you on the chest. And he says, let that anchor you. Right. You don't have to go. I don't want to go. There's power in you. You know it. You feel it. Yeah. You just going to let this slip away? I just don't know. The child. It's so small.

And it's hard for him. But you've made it easier over the years. That doesn't have to change. Fairies embody change. Sure. They embody the turning of the seasons. I know. I know about myself. Because right now, like, this is just Jessica talking. Because right now, Billy is like very clear about the, the thing. What he is. Yeah. And the nature of that. And. And he's starting to see, like, his body as separate from him. Mm-hmm. So he's just trying to keep them together. No.

Like you saying it's hard for him. Yeah. Fucking bang on. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, you know what? I've met Faye before. You got strength. You want to stay? Stay. But make that decision. I am. I am. It's just. It's just. There's so much here. And it's been so long since I've come into contact with this. And I'm like, okay, I just. I hope he's quick. Bing. Bing. I hope Bing is quick. Key. Chimes. Can you hold me? Of course. Okay. And he gathers you up. And are you just, like, leaning against him? Mm-hmm.

And can you help me with my memory? Anytime. Okay. And he reaches up and he touches the side of your head. Mm-hmm. And you remember a time with Tuck and Bing that you felt safe and happy. Yeah. What is that memory? Um. I remember the spa day at the Emerald Hotel. And I pulled the cucumbers off my eyes and I was like. But also people weren't naked. So I was like, oh, they wouldn't want me to see that. But pulling that off, you see, like, Tuck playing that game with the people in the pool.

Chicken fight. Yeah. Chicken fight. With. What was that guy's name? That I'm your dad. Ron. Ron. It was Ron. Yeah. Tuck is fighting Ron in the pool. Yeah. Yeah. And what was Bing doing during the spa day? Because I want Billy to be able to, like, throw to Bing to see, to get a memory of him as well. Was he there? Yeah. You were getting a facial. Oh. Yeah. And so I remember seeing you laying there, like, telling all your life stories to the. And bragging about my friend. Yes.

That's my friend over there. That's my friend over there. Yeah. That's my good buddy kid. Yeah. And he hears Ron go, I'm your dad. I'm your dad. I'm your dad. I'm your dad. I'm your dad. I'm your dad. I'm your dad. I'm your dad. I'm your dad. I'm your dad. I'm your dad. I'm your dad. I'm your dad. I'm your dad. I'm your dad. I'm your dad. I'm your dad. I'm your dad. I'm your dad. I'm your dad. I'm your dad. I'm your dad. I'm your dad.

And you see Tuck laughing so hard as Ron's screaming, I'm your dad. And then Billy laughs so hard and says, you're my dad. But he's thinking of Tuck. Yeah. And you open your eyes and you see rose petals falling in front of you. Yeah. Onto the ground. Mm-hmm. Your hair's going back to normal? Well, it's like growing and shedding. Like, it comes and goes. Oh, okay. Yeah. Cut to Tuck, I guess. Yeah. What's Tuck doing? He's just waiting? He's walking down the stairs. Yeah.

But is it the sort of thing where Tuck's like, okay, the signal is the ceiling explodes. So until that happens, I guess I'm just killing time. I guess he's walking down the stairs and he's like, all right, I got the armor. I got this knife. I got the billhook, which is the most important thing. And he's starting to see a light. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. From down below. It's still pretty far, but he's starting to see it. Mm-hmm. And you're starting to hear like…

And yeah, he's like, all right, the signal we agreed upon is ceiling explodes. And then I'll jump down. But he wants to kind of know what he's getting into. And at that moment, he's like looking down. He's like, what the fuck am I getting into? And he like makes Billy's binocular hands. And he like, because he held it for a second. Yeah. Last episode. And he like holds it up to his eyes to try and get a better view of what's going on down there. I love that. Yes.

2D6 plus wisdom to certain realities. To certain realities. And I think it's only a thing he can do because he's so close to Billy's like power source. Tuck's not magic anymore. He's like the opposite of that. Yeah. Plus what? Wisdom. Seven. Okay. Ooh, baby. Holy shit. Nice. So you get one question. Only one. What is about to happen here? So what you see is a robed figure with a bald head. A ton of fucking frogs.

It looks like the stone at the bottom of the tower has been molded up and then over and then down into a lantern. And there's a small yellow flame burning in it. And the robed figure is still. Standing on top of what looks like a huge. Like plug kind of. A plug. So the floor, there's a huge circle of a stone of a different color. Oh. And he's standing on top of it. It's a stone door basically. And he's just looking at this thing. And he extends his hands every once in a while.

And it looks like you can see his body tensing. And then he drops his hands and he like swears. You see his mouth move. And he's basically just like, fuck. Yeah. And you hear it come up the chamber like after. Yeah. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Tuck laughs because Perel curse. And then he also sees Perel take his giant hat with the giant feather in it and put it back on and go. No, you know what? You don't. Whoa.

Something that you do notice, even though your only question was what is about to happen, is his body language is all over the fucking place. Like you've hung out with Perel enough to know what he looks like when he moves around. And it is totally throwing. You off. Mm hmm. But what? I mean, I'm sure you can. Put together what's happening. Mm hmm. He is trying to open this seal. And he's trying to transmute it. And he can't. OK. Not yet. But he just he's not able to.

Fuck with the word stone plug. Well, and I mean, we've established that the lower you get in the tower, the more big more becomes a spirit realm. So he's having trouble accessing. Magic. Yeah. That's what Tuck sees. Yeah. Oh, he didn't understand that when he came down here because he didn't know what this place was. And now he's like, son of a bitch. Like, I can't. Is that why all of his like more gulches are with him? Maybe. That's an interesting idea that he's using them as like capacitors.

Yeah. He's using them to amplify his power. Totally. I just thought, too, if we send in a huge bolt of magic down there, if it doesn't destroy him, it's going to make his power insane. He'll become so powerful. God, it would be really great if Tuck could communicate that to you somehow. Yeah. And actually, Tuck is just like putting this all together in his head. And he's like, fuck. And he starts like running up the stairs a little. He does. I don't know that he is actually like, yeah. Oh, shit.

He's going up. He's going up. He's coming back down. He's like, what the fuck am I going to do? He's trying to, like, do all the logic. Yeah. He's trying to logic it out. And all he can think is the word think. Yeah. The word think 50 feet tall. Just in neon lights. What are those? Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing. So we cut to Ving on top of the tower, kneeling, bowing before Shipbreaker. What's your next play here? So he agreed to help, right?

He agreed to keep listening to you. Okay. Okay. Yeah. What did Ving say last time? That he, like, his home and his throne. Is threatened. Yeah. But there are forces here that I'm afraid even the great Shipbreaker might not be able to contend with. Roll. Because that absolutely fucking goads him. Saying, like, I don't know if you can deal with this, Shipbreaker. So 2d6 plus charisma. There you go. I got 10. Holy fucking shit. Yes. I got 10. And, yeah.

So Shipbreaker, like, straightens himself up, stands even taller. As the lightning cracks, you see flocks of Thunderbirds overhead in the clouds swirling above. And he says, I am the storm incarnate. You are the storm above all men. And a man is down there right now. I am the wind that has dashed a thousand ships against the cliffs. I am the bolt that has brought the cities of man low. You are the boom that brings the world to its knees. I am the gas. Gale that shakes the trees from the earth.

I am Shipbreaker. And his wings open wide. And there's a huge crack of thunder. As the bolts crackle through the air. He says, I will do this, but not for you. For me. Like, what do you… So he's asking, like, what do you want? I need you to bring everything you have. Down on the top of this pillar. Upon my home. Upon your home. Upon my throne. Upon your throne. The wind has no throne. There will be many more ships to build many more thrones. Your destruction is endless.

And he's getting, like, psyched on this now. As imperious as he's trying to be, he's like, yes, destruction unbounded. And he brings his wings wide and pounds them down. And the wind just… He buffets you. And you get the idea. Maybe it's time to, like, move. Like, get the fuck out? Like, get the fuck off the top of this tower. Oh, yeah. Oh, they shall call you Thronebreaker! Oh, my God. That's so cool. So you fly away, I assume. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I dip off the edge. Yeah. The winds pick up.

The vortex at the top of the tower starts to spin faster and faster. The lightning is cracking. The thunder is… It's rolling. And we cut back to Chimes and Billy. The storm has started to… Like, you were hearing crazy, like, bird shrieks and, like, thunder cracks. Oh, man. I guess they're gonna be here soon. Yeah, and Chimes looks up and he says, I hope those are good sounds. It feels weird. Are you gonna be… Are you good? Can you get through this? Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Yeah.

I will be fine in some way. And Chimes, like, hefts up the axe and goes, I guess we didn't need this. What? I have a feeling Matt's gonna take care of what this was gonna take care of. That's true. I'll hold on to this, though. Unless we should bring it back to him. Oh, yeah. No, we'll give it back to him when it's safe. No, we'll give it back to him now. Chimes is like, I told Tuck I was gonna keep you safe. I aim to keep my promise. I'm not a child. I can do what I want. And I…

I wanna grab the axe. Yeah. Honestly, I'm gonna let you do it. He's surprised. Okay. Okay. Yeah, you could roll Defy Danger Dexterity. Sure. 2d6 plus Dexterity. This is cool, man. Oh, God. Wow. 12. Fuck! 12. Sorry. No! Yes! I'll be fine. So Chimes is like, you know when a kid really starts kicking in your arms and you're like, what the fuck? What do I do? I don't wanna hurt him. Just remember for me. And you… What, you hit the wood and you start running into the tower? Yeah, down the stairs.

With the axe. Yeah, with the axe. And for some… And I think it's like my spirit. I can carry it. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's light for me. Mm-hmm. And Chimes starts running after you. And we cut back to Tuck. You hear thunder rumbling. Fucking shit! What? That's a good one. Oh, no, I can't… No, no, no, no. This is a perfect character choice. This is genuinely my reaction as your character's dad. If I knew what just happened, I would be fucking furious. Yeah, Billy jumps into danger without a plan.

Yeah. He's chaotic. And now this close to the spirit world, he's more chaotic than ever. Yeah. So you feel thunder rumbling. I was doing the run up, run down thing. And I can feel static charge start to build up in the air. I hear the boom, boom, boom of the thunder that is the precursor to the big one that's coming. Yeah. And I kind of just look around me and there's sparks of static energy starting to come off the… And I'm like, I'm fucking out of time.

And in my mind, I'm like, okay, if I can incapacitate Dark Perel, like, knock him the fuck out. Oh, just one punch him? Yeah. Just like, if I could surprise him, maybe he won't be conscious to open the prison. Yeah. This is what he's logicked out in his panic. Yeah. Tuck jumps. Hot damn. Oh my God. Okay. And as your feet leave the platform. Yeah. The ceiling caves in. Yeah. A roll defy danger constitution. Constitution. Because it's just like, I hope this… Yeah.

I hope this doesn't fucking kill me. Yeah. Okay. When I jump, I want to tap into my Herculean appetites. Oh. Whoa. Whoa. Which I've never done before. But it says… Suing one of your appetites, if you would roll for a move, instead of rolling 2d6, roll 1d6 and 1d8. And my appetites are for friendship and acceptance and revenge against the piss monster. Oh. Cool. I just got… Ultimate. I just got goosebumps and I felt tears well in my eyes. Yeah.

This is just such an amazing confluence of story and mechanic. You've literally… Not used this move in like two and a half years. Okay. I'm going to allow it. You better fucking allow it. Yeah. 1d6 and 1d8. And if the d6 is higher than the d8, you go too far. Plus constitution. Oh, fucking shit. Oh. 13. D8 is 8. D6 is 2. I have a 3 constitution. 13. Holy shit. Huge. Yeah! Huge! Oh my god. Okay. Your feet leave the platform.

You think of all of your friends above you, literally the two people you care about most in the world. Mm-hmm. And somehow all three of you have found yourselves at this confluence of history and mythology and magic at what could potentially mean the breaking of the world. And you think… No fucking way. Yeah. And your feet leave this platform as you fall… Slow-mo. Slow-mo… Slow-mo jump out like… Doves… Yeah. …appear above you. Arms and legs like splayed out, jumping like a skydiver.

Mm-hmm. Cool. Amethyst bale hook in one hand and the brace around the other. Yeah. And the ceiling caves in above you. Yeah. You're falling. The rocks are falling. Are falling. Yeah. And you land on a pile of opponents and then the ceiling falls in on top of you and your vision goes dark for a moment. And we're going to cut back to Billy and Chimes. Billy's running down the tunnel. Chimes is running after you and you just get to the mouth of the tunnel as the ceiling caves in.

There's a huge boom and there's tons of rock coming down at you. What do you do? Can I do the thing? Can I leave my body? Yeah, you could certainly. Would that be useful? I just feel like if Billy goes on the side of the spirit it might create an imbalance of spirit energy. Overpower the magic. That's a great idea. Billy's walking a fucking knife edge right now. Billy could lose himself forever with this kind of move. So what does this look like? I take a look at Chimes and then I just jump off.

Billy stands there but my spirit leaves me. I don't know if Chimes can see but it's like the shadow of a boy falling. So it's like Peter Pan's shadow leaving his body? I like the idea that as you jump in the spirit, the shadow leaves Billy's body. All the flower petals fall from the Billy body. Yeah, they do. And they're floating. Slowly, like with all this chaos and then it's just like soft rose petals fluttering behind the shadow. And then Billy's body just falls and he's asleep.

And the axe goes with? The shadow of the axe goes with Billy. And the real axe stays up top? The real axe stays but the lights are out. Oh, fuck. Cool. Okay, so you leave the body with the shadow of the axe and Chimes runs up to the edge and skids to a halt and yells, Billy! And he looks down at the shadow as it falls. And then he looks at the kid and you don't see what happens because the camera cuts away. Ving, what's Ving doing?

A massive column of bright blue electricity has just pulverized the top of the tower. You feel your ears as a thunderbird like do something when you hear the thunder crack so you're not deafened permanently. And he can see when the… He has this light sight. He can see as the lightning illuminates the entire column. Wow. And he's given vision of the shadow of Billy. Oh, yeah. And he sees him leave his boy body. And it scares him. And he knows that Billy has gone into his spiritual form.

And as the Thronebreaker releases the storm from the funnel, as it builds and builds and builds and releases it, Ving jumps in front of the bolt as the Thunderbird. And as the Thunderbird is the mix between magic and the spirit world, and the bolt being concentrated magic, and Ving being the spirit walker, becomes the front, the leading edge of the lightning bolt. Wow. Ving is functionally taking the shape of the storm. So is this, what is it called? World talker? I guess so.

Yeah, because you can take the shape of elements. Yeah. Yeah, this is a move for sure. You're spending your hold as the Thunderbird to get there. To get there, to fly as fast as he can, to fly as like a bolt. Yeah. And not be annihilated by a bolt of lightning. And now you're shape changing again. You're going from one shape right to the next. And he's in between. He's being a spirited buffer to the front of this magical bolt. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, so you're kind of trying to like create a shield to keep the magical energy from funneling into Perel and supercharging him. Because yeah, honestly, that's what it would do. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Holy shit. Oh, sorry. Like, I almost imagine you controlling the lightning. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because they were slowing down.

Like, we were talking about flash. Yeah. Like, it's so slowed down. You don't see a whole lot of other things. Yeah. You drive through all of his army, basically. Yeah. That's some hold that you could spend, certainly. That's so cool. Fuck, this has to work. Please. Click out. Eight. Woof. Okay. That could have been. Really bad. Okay, so partial success. You get one hold. So that has happened. You feel your spirit meld with the spirit of the storm.

You feel yourself, like, lash to the bolt of lightning, as you did with the sea at the Storm of Graves a couple days ago. Oh, my God. Less than one week ago. It's been about a week. It's been about seven days. When, as before, you were at the mercy of the storm, the storm now feels to be at the mercy of you. You have one hold. You can use it for one thing, and then you're Ving again. Or you can roll a bunch of stuff and stay in this, like, storm shape. I'm going to use my strength.

I was a lightning man. 2d6 plus strength. Oh, God. So I want to land down there and just bounce off all the bullywugs. Sure thing. Are they all wearing metal helmets? Oh, yeah. Uh-huh. Sorry. Yeah, it's all tinfoil. They point straight up. This should be fucking easy. Holding up a bunch of umbrellas. Yeah. And when you strike them, all the umbrellas burned away, and they are all crispy. And they're like, whoa. Oh, man. Nine. Holy shit. I can aid. Billy is a spirit. Yeah.

I feel the spirit of lightning gathering its energy. Oh. What? Oh, I just got. I just got a little bit of Ving at the front of this bolt, like, coming down the thing and looking at Billy for the first time as his true self. Yeah. Oh, you're going to have to describe what Billy looks like in the spirit world. Billy just looks the way that he sees himself. He's got his copper hair. He's exactly the way that Ving and Tuck see him. Oh, like maybe his spirit has changed. Yeah.

And then when Ving sees him, he says, you're the Billy. You're the Billy boy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, he's so clean. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. And children are dirty and they play in the dirt. Yeah. So he's like muddy and his cheeks are rosy from play. And he's got like leaves in his hair and grass stains and stuff like that on his knees. That's beautiful. Yeah. So 2D6 plus bond.

Oh, thank Christ. Oh, so what I do is actually like I see lightning and sort of like as if I was catching butterflies, I use the axe to guide the lightning. And I run through all of the Bollywugs and all the shadows and I slash away at them. Tosses like playing catch the lightning plane back. Yeah. And Billy's laughing as he does this. Oh, no. These Bollywugs are just. Yeah. But that was so many incredible roles and incredible ideas that all coalesced and worked. Yeah.

I don't want it to be robbed of its weight by a fucking one on a D8. I think. It's a massive bolt of lightning. I think the Bollywugs are dealt with. That would be how I feel about. Yeah. They're cool. Little stupid ass frogs. Yeah. There are. There will be other threats that you were unable to deal with in that way, but they've been annihilated. Yeah. Yeah. Billy just sees like one darker shadow, like shifting and like jerking around. You actually see two. We cut to tuck. What?

I love when Joseph makes that sound. Um, we cut to tuck, tuck. You jumped. You leapt into the air. There was a massive explosion. You hit a pile of assailants. Yeah. I actually aimed for Perel. Oh, yeah. And as I went right before I hit him, I was like, what's up, nerd? Oh my God. Yeah. All those amazing narrative choices. This is still spelled Lord. You heard it here. Your first listeners. Fuck all this. Fuck all this. But you hit the ground. You actually don't hit Perel. You tried to.

You thought you did, but you didn't. But, um, and you hit the ground and then the rocks come tumbling down. You survive it somehow. Yes. Your vision goes dark. And just as you're starting to come to, there's a huge thunder crack and you feel like that static charge ignite around you. You feel some of the Bullywugs that you landed on, like fucking liquefy underneath you. And it smells awful. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And you come to, and you're covered in rocks.

I tossed the rocks off of me. Yeah. This isn't, that's not a problem for you. And I look around for Perel. Where the fuck is this loser? He's right in front of you. This isn't a huge chamber. And Perel is standing, say 10, 12 feet away. And he has his hand above his head. And whereas you are pushing off huge, like chunks of stone all around Perel is a circle of sand. And he's standing like unscathed in the middle of it with his hand in the air.

I'm going to take, advantage of the fact that he is distracted right now and I'm gonna sucker punch him. Okay. Yeah. Cool. Yeah. I guess he's distracted. Yeah. Okay. Roll a hack and slash. Actually, can the WhatsApp nerd count as a war cry? Yeah. I mean, totally. What's your reservation? When you enter the battle with a show of four, I know what it is. Roll plus charisma on a 10 plus. But take two of the following list and on a seven to nine take one. Yes.

And the show of force was that I jumped 400 feet. No, the show of force is you proving to this, who, whatever it is, whoever it is that you literally don't care if you die. Yeah. That's scary. Yeah. In a fight. That's absolutely scary. Okay. I'm motherfuckers. Two D six plus charisma is seven. Okay. Wow. You just fucking made it. I want to choose. My allies are rallying. I'm going to take a plus one forward. Sick. So the next role that all of you do, we'll get a plus one. Okay, great. Yeah.

I try and sucker punch him now. One D six plus one D eight plus your strength. D six is three. D eight is two. Oh, five plus strength is seven. Since the D six is higher than the D eight. That means that he goes too far with her. Herculane. Herculane appetite. Oh, fuck. Oh no. Oh no. So you're so like, this is, this is like barbarian rage. I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, barbarian rage. Like you're like, oh no, I'm putting it all on the table now. Yeah.

And I think you just don't think about what he might be able to do to you. Okay. And you, yeah. Roll your damage. 10. Oh fuck. Nice. Nice. Oh, I mean, this isn't going to be easy, but that's a lot of damage. Yes. Yes. I'm literally pulling every possible mechanical advantage. I can pull out of my character sheet. I've never looked at this character sheet so closely. You're actually reading it by yourself. Yeah. I'm reading it by myself. Okay. So what does this look like when you hit parole?

So I stand up, I toss the, the rock off and I just, he's got his hand up in the air. Yeah. Like the Hamilton logo. Yes, exactly. And I take a running jump at him and I like, I jump over the pile of sand that he's creating and I come down hard with a punch and I'm like, uh, Hey. And he doesn't finish the thought. I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, Oh, because he couldn't think of a cool thing.

He's too mad right now. And you just fucking clock him. Yeah. You hit him really hard. It's face. It's face. It's face. It's face. It's face. It's face. It's face. It's face. It's face. It's face. It's face. It's face. It's face. It's face. It's face. It's face. It's face. It's face.

Inside him oh fuck there's still damage done I want to be clear but it's going to be really hard to truly hurt the thing that's inside him and he jolts to the side facing away from you in the like flickering yellow light of the torch that he created and uh he stumbles looks away and turns back to you looking at this like pile of rubble and sand and bully wug sludge and turns to look at you and you just see crystal clear water pouring from his eyes oh he says I was wondering when you'd show up what's up piss bitch oh I should have said piss bitch and no I got there yeah I got there eventually I think we can all agree hey I think we can all agree that's pretty good I'm I'm referring to I'm talking to the dead bully wugs around us oh yeah I think we can all agree that I got there eventually and that was fine this guy knows what I'm talking about I tow a pile of organs oh my good god roll a d10 five so perel or whatever this is laughs kind of when you say piss bitch and oh I should have said piss bitch and all that stuff but it's such a derisive laugh that it gives you pause yeah you're like no I should have just said piss bitch I think we can all agree and he laughs and you go hey fuck you yeah I hurt my feelings yeah and um only because of your natural defense and this bracer that you have with the ward stone inlay you don't get the absolute full brunt of this and the presence of billy and the presence of the spiritual confluence but he throws out his hand and you feel your body start to change for a second and it hurts like a motherfucker you take eight damage and uh perel's body like cracks its neck around and rolls its shoulders what a voldemort move yeah I know right and he's doing that like you know he's swinging his arms back and forth stretching something out and he's like I've been waiting a long time for this and we're gonna cut to billy and bing your spirits what do you do I sense a man like apart from bing yeah I want to talk to him to perel yeah is that what the second shadow was was it perel that's what I thought yeah and sitting on the ground in this chamber with like his arms around his knees is perel and he looks so ragged and so tired and weak like sickly poor man I approach him he looks up very surprised billy who the fairy looks confused and he's like no I'm I'm the spring fairy and I'm here to help you I don't I don't think you can help me it's too late but you're still here he like gestures to himself he's like barely I think he I think he's taking it all I think he's taking it all billy what brought you here he looks behind you at the shadow says that after the crash you remember the crash right I do I drifted for a long time and uh it found me forced me out brought me here I'm sorry I just want to clear something up you're billy correct I don't know you look exactly like billy Well, I'm the spring fairy, but if I remind you of someone, then let it be a comfort to you.

Oh, I was going to ask, Ving is in a spirit form as well, correct? Oh, yeah, Ving is here too. What does Ving look like in this spirit form as the storm? I think the spirit form of lightning looks like the shipbreaker in lightning form. So just like a huge bird made of lightning? Mm-hmm. And he looks like, all right. And he turns and sees Ving in the storm form and goes, oh, my, and sort of tumbles back a little bit and goes, Ving? How are you doing, old friend? Not well. Not well. How are you?

Yeah, you know, I mean, I feel a little weird. Yeah, it's been a weird day. I mean, I look cool. You know, to be honest, it's a little, I like my Ving body. Yeah. Yeah. I like my body too. And I think we'll cut back. We'll cut to Tuck. And yeah, Tuck, you just had a bunch of magic course through your body, and you can see Perel like ramping up for another attack. What do you do? Tuck is like, he just got fucking nailed with magic energy, and he is like. He thinks he's going to die.

He's like, they're up there. Like, the magic came down. It killed everyone else, but this guy seems okay. So I think my plan fucked us. Right now, he's like, I'm either going to save my friend or I will die trying. So you're going to resist. You're going to have to resist whatever he's throwing at you first. So it'll be defied. Defied. What? Constitution, maybe? Yes. Yeah, you can do it. Yes. The D6 is four, and the D8 is. Seven? Seven. Wowzers. Holy fucking shit. Constitution is three.

So that's 14. Wowzers. Yeah. You haven't been using these appetites this whole time. Yeah. I just want to put that in. Somehow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you shrug it off. Mm-hmm. Like, maybe it's your anger. Maybe it's your resentment. Maybe it's your resolution to die protecting your friends. Mm-hmm. But you push through. You feel it start to take hold, and then it just sloughs off you. Okay. And you get right up in his fucking grill. Yeah. Roll. What are you doing? You're hitting him?

I'm conflicted about hurting Perel's body. Mm-hmm. And I don't want to. So I try to distract him. So if there's any aspect of Perel in there, he has the best chance. Oh, it's not worrying so much about controlling the body. Yeah. It's just like, I'm going to kill this fucking asshole. Yeah, I'm trying to make him as mad as possible. I like it. Okay. I'm trying to fucking piss him off. So what does that move? What are you waiting for? Oh. Yes. All right. 1D6 plus 1D8. Oh! Yeah. D8 is 8. D6 is 2.

Constitution is 3. 13. Wow. No negative consequences. So what do you do? I guess I make fun of him for being a nerd. What? What insults? What insults can I insult this guy with? Like the piss monster. Oh, yeah. You'd be like, what were you, a little dick? Like, get your little water dingling. Oh, yeah. I don't know. No, I like that. So Tuck is trying to fucking piss off the piss monster as much as possible. And I go, hey, piss monster, here's a reminder for you from Tuck with love. And I unzip.

No, I lift my flap. Unflip. And I take out my dick. And I am not discreet about it at all. He can see the full thing. But because he's been so exhausted, he's trying to, he's pushing as hard as he can to pee. And I, yeah, I really get into it. I do a strong stream. It goes out easily four feet, maybe five. Wow. Yeah. And I'm pissing all over the place. And I'm like, you like this? Remember this, buddy? I ate a lot of asparagus this morning. No, you didn't. I can tell. I cannot smell it.

It was moss. Fine. Fair. And I imagine. I imagine that. Okay. So it works. Of course, you get his attention. Actually, it was Italian urban cheese bread. It smells like Italian urban cheese. So it dribbles a bit on his shoes. Yes. There's the more piss jokes. I imagine that. I imagine that the dark aspect is feeling a lot of what I'm feeling right now, which is not genuine like anger or not feeling insulted. Just fucking annoyed. I also think that this is getting too much.

I think I'm getting a little bit. Because Tuck did genuinely piss inside of him. He doesn't care about that. I'll tell you that much. I pissed inside of you one time. He does genuinely not care about that. You're pretending to not care about it. I can see. But I can see also in your eyes that it bothers you. But he is fully paying attention to you. He's just saying shit like, you clown. And he's whipping his arm.

And you can feel the air in front of his arm like transmute into like a denser form. And he's trying to just pound you into the ground. Yeah. It's throwing rubble aside. It's pounding stone into dust. And he's just like, you insect. Yeah. All of this work. All of this time. You think I'm going to be derailed by you? Yeah. Smash. Getting out of the way of all of this shit. Yeah. Dodging, whipping and dodging. Pissing the whole time. The whole time. I'm literally exhausting.

I'm going to be honest with you. I'm getting a lot on myself. Mostly. Defense mechanism. Yeah. And we'll cut back. Back to Billy and Ving and Perel. Perel, right? That's your name? Yes, Billy. My name is Perel. You know, if you want to go back, we can help you. I really appreciate the help, but I don't know if the situation warrants. And then he pauses and he stands up on his feet. Yeah. And he looks behind you. Yeah. Yeah. He goes, is Tuck here? Who? Wait. Tuck. And I look up at Ving.

Do I know him? You did. You do. You will again. Okay. I'm going to spend my hold out of here. I have an idea. I have an idea too. No, Jessica, tell me your idea. I was going to say like Ving and I would basically like go with, like, hold on. Like, run to Perel. Yeah. And like literally run back to his body. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And push and like what that spirit energy would push out the piss monster. And then you could transform back. Sweet. That sounds great.

And Ving is made entirely of phomic energy right now. Yeah. Yeah. I'm magic. What if you spend your hold to infuse like Perel. Perel. Yeah. Perel. He's got as much magical energy as you can't discharge it all into him. Oh, wow. And Billy takes that spirit form, tries to jam him back in. Yeah. Great. That's a great idea. Okay. Those sound like some rolls and a hold. Yeah. So we're going to fire him as fast as we can. Basically, Perel, take our hands. Okay. And we're going to run together.

He smiles to himself and goes, okay. That's what I know how to do. I know. I remember. I remember. The two of you are running. Yeah. And the spirit lightning bird comes up behind and takes a big swoop around. And as you guys are running, faster and faster, comes in and scoops you up. Lifts gently underneath. Forward. Lightning bolt. Yeah. Spirit forward. Towards this dark shadow. Towards this dark shadow and trying to aim for the heart of the shadow. Wow. Yes. So fucking sick.

There's a red streak back with this lightning bird. And before Perel hits his body, I tell him, I want you to take this. Okay. I hand Perel the ax. You need to bring it with you to your world and use it there. Okay. I don't know if this is going to work, Billy. It should. It's telling me it will. And Billy, you hear and Perel hears just a little faint like, oh yeah, this is going to work, bro. See? Oh, right. As Perel is pushed towards his form. Yeah. Don't be afraid.

I'm your friend now and I have your back. And Perel's spirit, Thaumic form hits the dark shadow and you thing, you coalesce back into the material plane. You feel that shift happening. And Billy, you see the shape start to resolve into the shape of a man. Yeah. And he's a shadow again. Yeah. Tuck, you're dodging these like cauldrons. You're dodging these like columns of transmuted air. You're pulling your feet out of a stone as it transmutes into mud. Yeah. Like he's really working at it. Yeah.

And amazingly, you're not getting hit. I'm laughing so hard. Oh, that's, you hit it. Yeah. That's what pisses him off more than anything. And you are dodging out of the way of this air and the body stops for a second and you see its eyes snap up to you and the water stops pouring from them. And you hear Perel's voice. Uh-huh. In Perel's manner of speaking, say, tuck, catch. And he throws something towards you. And I instinctively reach out and catch it. And your hands close around solid shadow.

Whoa. This is way better than the frog shit. You can do it. And the water, as you said, he goes, ah, and the water starts pouring from his eyes again. And you hear in your head, let's fuck him up, bro. So can I use shadow acts to just fight the shadow aspect of Perel? Oh, I can't see why the fuck not. Okay, cool. I didn't even think about that. Okay. That's really tight. Because yeah, you're not going to be, it won't hurt his body. Yeah. It'll pass through him.

And it's the antithesis of the magical energy. Guys, we're doing it. Yeah. All of the rules of our world make perfect sense and they're beautiful in harmony. We're fantasying. Yeah. We're doing it, Peter. Hear that JR token? Eat my schnutz. From hell. Okay. Yeah. Great. This is fucking cool as hell. Yeah. But the water starts pouring from his eyes again and he brings his arm up and brings down a column of transmuted air. What do you do? I dodge out of the way. All right. Defy danger dexterity.

Fuck. The D8 is eight and the D6 is three, giving me 11 plus dexterity is 11. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. There's a ton of 11. It's just so crazy to me that now you're seeing why Herculean appetites are useful. I will never use them again. Useful doesn't have any use here. Yeah. Yeah. So this.

I don't know the meaning of the word. You feel the lighter air being parted by this pillar of air. And you dodge out of the way as it turns a pile of rubble to dust. Some bollywood guts splash up. Yeah. And you dodge right out of the way. Oh yeah, and Ving, you appear in the material plane. Yeah, I wanted to secure him and try and contain him somehow. Oh, sick. I was thinking of as he fires, because you came in with Perel, right? Yes. And as it happened, he used his hold.

So he launches out the other side, comes out like the body as a whole. Poop. Yeah. Rolls, does a diving roll. Rolls, roll, roll. And then- Comes up with one knee bent and one leg out in that anime slide. So cool. Sliding towards the wall behind him and does a little run up the wall. Whoa. Look at his fucking moves. And then runs and sprints back towards him and dives at him and clasps around his waist as a ward stone man. Whoa. Whoa. To lock him, to try and keep him. Yeah. Wow. Wow.

To try and keep him down, because we know that the only thing that can contain the piss monster is the ward stone, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Roll the shape shift. Okay. Fuck. Yes. Two to six plus wisdom. Whoa. Ten. And there it is. Fuck yeah. Yes. So as you're sprinting forward, your body is changing into ward stone? Yeah. Wow. So cool. Graying from the front to the back. Yeah. Yeah. And you hit him like a fucking- Yeah. Like a fucking truck. Boom.

And pin him down on the ground and keep him almost like starfish around his ankles and his wrists. Cool. Kind of like octopied around. Okay. He's made like a platform and he's holding him underneath. Oh, I see. Cool. Like a, what is it? Full Nelson or whatever? Yeah. Yeah. Cool. So we'll spend one of those hold to lock him down? Yeah. Okay. Tuck. Ving literally appeared out of nowhere and then ping ponged off a wall, turned into a stone man, and then spear tackled the wizard.

That you were fighting. And said, tuck him up. And so he tucks his dick back into his loincloth. You did learn something from that episode of RuPaul we watched. What's that? Forget it. Oh, right. Yeah. You've got a hack and slash opportunity. Yeah. He takes the spirit axe and he's like, hey, piss monster. This is for killing my fucking friend. And he does a running jump. Same thing. He's going to bring the spirit axe down across possessed Perel's chest. All right.

Roll a hack and slash plus strength. D eight is five and the D six is five. You lucky fuck. So that's 10. Wow. Yeah. Plus your strength. Is 12. Nice. So sick. Roll your damage. So six. You bring the axe down across his chest. And the whole body thing. You feel the body like convulse under the strike, even though there's no physical damage and a gout of crystal clear water just jets out of his mouth. And he's it's coming out of his eyes and his mouth now. And the body struggling. It's not dead.

Okay. Yeah. You didn't. You haven't killed that thing yet. It is hurting, but it can't get out of the ward stone because underneath it's just a man's body. I think you can hit him again. Like, that's the thing. Is he's kind of shackled, but we'll cut to Billy in the spirit world. Billy is just holding on to the shadow of Perel, I guess, because he said he would stay by his side. Yeah, totally. Oh, you know what? What? I think you're you're helping. You're like, I want to help these people.

I think they seem cool. They seem really nice. And you hear Billy. Billy. And. Up above. Like, you don't see the. You just see the aspect of an old man covered in tattoos with a long shadow or no. You see the full aspect of an old man with a big gray beard. Okay. And tattoos shirtless huffing and puffing. We run all the way down the stairs, aren't you? Down in like a spiral in a spiral pattern and just gets in front of you like. I can't believe you ran. I haven't run in 700 years.

It's a really long time. You should probably practice. Not a lot of opportunities to run on the sea. What are you doing? I'm helping this man. Oh, oh, good looking out. Chimes kneels on the other side of the spirit of Perel and is helping protect him and says, do you remember who I am? No. Well, don't worry. I remember. I remember for you. Thank you. I guess. And he reaches out and he touches your hand. And you're just flooded back with the memories of being Billy. Whoa. Gravy, gravy, bears.

Oh, my God. Farts, poop. Yeah. The bear in the chair out eating a bear. The bear is sad. Wicker. Yeah. You're flooded with all these these feelings of pleasure. Yeah. Like the things that you like to do. And then it's just like tuck thing. Tuck, tuck, tuck, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Yeah. And I'm. And every once in a while. Perel. Yeah. I let go for a second. I'm like, I got it. No, my friends. And so I hold I hold on to Perel.

And I'm just like, this will help them. This will help them. Damn right it will, kid. And he holds he's he's holding down Perel on the other side. Yeah. And we cut back to the material plane. And I. Yeah. And the body's just like bucking. So I'm going to roll a hack and slash against him. But I'm going to roll two D6s because he doesn't feel an impetus towards revenge anymore. He just breathes out and feels all that tension. Leave him. Yeah. Two D6 plus strength. Seven. There we are. Wow.

Revenge tuck is a motherfucker. Yeah. Oh, God. Okay. So that's a seven. Again, it doesn't affect this current situation, but something somewhere is happening. Okay. Roll your damage. Four plus two is six. Describe how you kill it. Oh. I think I walk up to him and I'm just like, hey, he's crazy. I the water is pouring from his eyes, mouth, nose, ears. He sees the people in this room. He sees the people in the spirited realm. Yeah. He sees everyone all together, bringing them down. United.

He thought that he got you when he killed Ving. He thought that that was it. He knew what you were and he could take you down. And now you've all come back across time and fucking space to get your revenge. And I, I lean down to him. Like the final. The final scene of a Knight's Tale. Yeah. Everybody's head leans into frame. You have been weighed and you have been measured and you have been found wanting. No, we're absolutely not fucking nerd. Uh, that's just my favorite movie.

Um, so I lean over him Knight's Tale style and I go, I pay homage to the killer in dark of night. They are the blight who prune the broken bush of man. Whoa. That's awesome. Cut to chimes kneeling next to Perel spirit. He tilts his head to the side and goes, yeah, people don't usually pray. I'm sure it's, it's no, it's, it's thematically appropriate though. It's a big moment. Cut back to tuck and he brings the ax up and over and slices through Perel's neck. It's shadow X.

So he doesn't actually kill her. Just so everyone's clear. We didn't kill Perel. Uh, and yeah, as you bring the shadow X through, you feel the resistance of whatever's inside and then water just bubbles up out of his mouth. It's like he's choking for a second and it pours down the sides of his face and pools under his head and is totally still. And then Perel goes, fucking spat in my mouth, dude. I'm eating right in his face. Yeah. You get a, but you get a bunch of water in your face.

What the fuck? Thankfully, it's no, not no longer magically sentient. That could have been bad, huh? Puked in my mouth. I have not. My body has not breathed in weeks. Bing, let me go. Bing, let me go. It's you. Show me. Prove to me it's you. I can test him. What's the coolest kind of hat? I do not want to say. Tell us what you think. You are going to make fun of me. Tell us what you think. The coolest kind of hat.

It's the long floppy ones with the one side pinned up in a big flower on the top of it. Feather, feather, a feather. Flower. You said flower. You loser. Okay. Look, when I was young, flowers were the fashion. Now let me go. He flings him up on his feet and he very unceremoniously just gets to his feet and then falls right on his face. Yeah. He goes, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Oh, you know, blood hasn't moved these muscles for a while.

It was water. Can you fucking believe that? And he like jolts up. Where's Billy? Billy's in the spirit world. He's safe. He's with Chimes. What? Duck is getting this information for the first time. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Cut to the spirit world. Chimes is like getting up, dusting his hands off. There's no, there's like dust spirits go like, okay, bye. This is what we do. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Hey what you did a good job kid oh thank you you want to go home I am home do you want a body again yeah I remember that gravy and he like I can't get here and he nods upwards let's go get you something to eat okay and he takes your hand and starts walking you up the stairs oh can you carry me and he grabs both your wrists and hefts you over his shoulder like a sack let's go what are you guys doing perel is like we gotta get out of here tuck has already started running up the stairs to try and find uh chimes and billy just to be like what the fuck where's my kid um he's not supposed to be down here it's and he's like stuck he's prel's limping up behind you it's that thing where you sit on the toilet for too long and your elbows are on your knees and then your legs are asleep and so he's just like waddling back and forth helping him up the stairs uh thank you thing thank you I think he's okay uh he seemed I'm very capable I'm gone and so he's talking to ving billy seemed very capable in the spirit world tuck is is very protective of him oh no I'm aware a little too protective maybe hmm he might need to let go a little bit you know when I first met you fucking clowns I thought that this like codependency was a weakness that I could frankly at some point exploit but now I see it is an unquestionable strength can you carry me you're such an asshole hop on and we cut to tuck he's getting to the top of the stairs but it's that thing where a kid is running up a stairs too fast and he trips the last bit face plant slides a little bit yeah yeah billy billy and he find his body yeah billy's body's just laying like kind of like crumpled on his side and I put the axe is the axe there too uh yeah yeah yeah terry larry and chad yeah I put the shadow axe like into the actual axe and I I pick up billy and I start flopping him around I'm like come on buddy get back don't shake the baby he's just flopping I take some italian urban cheese bread that I saved and I crack it in front of his nose like one of those salt things like one of those salad smelling salts I'm like come on buddy come back for the italian urban cheese from subway we're sponsored by subway now he doesn't do anything and chimes is walking with billy over his shoulder yeah huffing and puffing like I can't believe I get short of breath in the spirit world and I'm like oh my god I'm unbelievable yeah billy never get old I I won't I'm a spring baby and eventually you do get to the top of the stairs you see your friends you see tuck shaking the shit out of you is that what's the big one is that tuck you betcha oh and I assume that's me you betcha should probably get back in there yeah let's let's get you settled okay and you see um like on top of the pile of rubble that you've all ignored and you're like oh my god I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm trying to shake billy's body awake the reclined form of chimes with his like arms crossed and his legs crossed and his eyes closed and his eyeball tattoos and uh yeah billy you get settled back into your body chimes it picks you up under your armpits oh and settles you back into your body thank you and I wake up to violent shaking and I've got a piece of bread in his mouth and easy easy thing comes up and puts it on your shoulder both to your shoulder oh god just leave me alone put me down and yeah behind you you hear and as chimes stands up and is slapping his legs and chest and arms and perel and ving make it to the top of the stairs and the rain is pouring in from the sea uh oh or the rain has stopped the rain has stopped has stopped we go outside it is a beautiful inky black night brilliant star shining in the sky the full moon shining above and just around it the coronet the full moon because there is also a there's two moons yeah right and the and the coronet has basically crowned the moon as you as you see it from where you're standing billy turns the chimes um thank you for taking care of me anytime little guy is that lillian up there where's that rian he just looks up at the two moons and you can see the tears welling in his eyes and he says I'll tell you later and I guess that's where we're gonna end it this has been Spout Lore I'm your game master Sean O'Hara with me as always playing fat billy the halfling thief jessica tie see you later playing ving the half elf druid Paul Oppers thanks a lot guys I'm playing tacoma dome the barbarian abdulaziz goodbye thank you to aaron reed for our amazing intro and outro music thank you as always to our incredible supporters around the world uh whether you support us through patreon uh support us through listening or support us telling your friends we're so glad to have you this is my favorite thing to do in the whole world and I'm really glad that we've gotten to share it with you for uh lo these many years and hopefully uh Spout Lore 2045 in the far future we'll all be old by then I'm feeling very sentimental right now but thank you for joining us we'll see you next time in days of open tales we're told of a maiden fair and true of one whose heart when wandering it moved from me to you one night she sat atop the wall to the lands of here and fay but gibbous man had hatched a plan to steal her heart away a key a candle and a flame used to play the role then bars of iron stone and sun did close around her soul her heart was trapped her spirit chained by one who could not love and so began the paling of the nighttime sun above the gibbous man forgot her there for fickle is his way unable to go wandering she began to fade away and with the waning of her light the land began to howl for in the waxing shade of night the dark was free to prowl wind and water salt and stone the maiden's heart was far from home wind and water salt and stone the maiden's heart was far from home a simple man without a plan looked up and saw the plight of a fading moon and the growing bloom that overtook the night a thief by trade he stole a skiff and set upon the waves to find the cage of the waxing maid in an ocean full of grace for a thousand days he sailed the waves to the border of the fay where land and sea and sorrow meet and the maiden was betrayed the gibbous man was waiting there for the woman To strengthen all the graves.

To water he gave blood. To make the currents flow. And in the breaking of himself he felt his power grow. The sea was he and he the sea. It was the trade he made. And in the giving of himself he learned to save the made. Wind and water, salt and stone. The maiden's heart is coming home. The maiden's heart is coming home. The maiden's heart is coming home. The maiden's heart is coming home. The maiden's heart is coming home. Lyrics by