Episode 1 – Nana

Hi, Spoutlorians, Abdul here with a quick pre-show announcement. If you haven't heard, this coming Monday, August 26th, is the day that we will be launching the first season of our bonus show, Mall Brats, on a brand new public feed with newly scored and remastered episodes. Launch week is going to be pretty huge, with a brand new episode dropping every day. And we're also doing a collab with our friend, the incredibly talented artist, Casey Golden.

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If you'd like to enter to win Casey's gorgeous artwork, or any of the amazing merch packages that we're giving away, all you have to do is click the link in the show notes and head over to the new feed and subscribe. Then, when the first episode drops on Monday, you'll be notified when we release a new episode. So, make sure you sign the review with your Discord or social handle, so we can find you to give you your amazing Speltlor memorabilia. From everyone here at Speltlor, thank you so much.

We hope you like the new show. See you next time. You know them by name, you know them by deed. Their quests are famously daring. So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing. Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight. Finger's half-elf, he shifts his shape and wields a spear with great might. Billy's a thief, his tiny size does max the largest heart. Best and brightest, they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts.

So gather round, friends. And listen close For the tale's about to start Hello everybody and welcome to Spout Lore. I'm your Game Master Sean O'Hara. Joining me as always playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian, Abdul Aziz. Hi, I'm Abdul Aziz playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian. Thanks for listening to my podcast. We're all feeling a lot of feelings since the last episode. But most of all, my feelings are really important. All right, playing Ving the Half-Elf Druid Paul Oppers. God, my feelings.

Hi everyone, thanks for listening to Abdul's podcast. I'm some other guy. Playing Fat Billy the Halfling Thief Jessica Tai. Hey, it's me. Definitely here for Abdul and his loss. Jesus Christ. This is not real. Listeners. This is not real. It's not real. It's not. I'm not like this. I mean, this moment is really happening. When last we left our heroes, they had joined battle against the massive and mighty Razortusk and his porcine hordes. The battle was a raging one. It lasted the entire episode.

I'm not even sure that I thought it was going to, but it was a tough one. Crows, halflings, pigs, crows, pigs, halflings, Ving, Billy Tuck. Razortusk, crows, pigs. They were everywhere. Ving took to the skies briefly in a sort of hang glider made of spirit birds. That was cool. Yeah. Billy did a switcheroo on the helmet of Razortusk, putting himself onto the pig's back and doing a sort of pig rodeo. Yeah. For a while. Tuck spent most of his time trying really hard to land a hit on Razortusk.

Yeah. And getting embarrassed over and over again. Wild Bill was doing some. John Wick style shit with some hand crossbows. And the battle finally turned when Tuck and Billy dealt enough blows to Razortusk himself to sort of slow him down to the point where Tuck used his new truthless move, the lie to eliminate or disrupt the enchantment on the armor. Billy, Ving and Tuck in the last moments of the battle surrounded Razortusk and got him into a position where Billy was able to ask him.

If he wanted to be free, Razortusk thankfully agreed and Tuck tore the armor from his body, freeing Razortusk from his apparent servitude and also the hordes of hogs from their servitude of Razortusk. The battle was victorious. Our crew survived the hogpocalypse, the final hogpocalypse. Yeah. But it was not without cost as Wild Bill, legendary halfling, succumbed to wounds. Sustained in the battle. Billy did his best to carry his old friend through this trying time.

But unfortunately, his wounds were too great and his time on this earth has ended. And we join our heroes now. Billy, what are halfling funerals like? They go back into the land somehow. It's an option. I also thought they could like carry them across the bridge. And. Lay them to rest in like this little. Patch. I don't know. Like. Oh, you know what? There's an apple orchard. Like a couple orchard as in like a few apple trees. Yeah. Yeah. Waffles. Yeah.

So there's a there's a grove with a few wapple trees that halflings are carried to. And buried. And buried. Yeah. So we see the crows, the people of Lone Tree Hill. The halfling lands have gathered. And we see Bill being laid to rest. Soft. Fertile. Ever with soil. Cast over his body. Laid in a woven reed basket. With a woven top. And he has returned to the place. From which he was born. Bing is slowly eating one of the apples from the tree. Dude, what the fuck are you doing?

This is the best waffle I've ever had. Yeah, dude. It's full of dead halflings. What the fuck are you doing? I can't. Bing, you're supposed to wait until like kind of after the service to do that. It's kind of fucked up that you're doing it right now. What? What? Okay. I'm sorry, Billy. I thought it was over. It's so loud. No. It's a time of silence. And you're supposed to like. The river sings a song. Well, it doesn't really sing a song, but you just like listen to the gurgles.

You make meaning out of it. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Sorry. So there's. There's. Christ. Just watch. Just one more bite to finish it. Holy shit. I didn't want it to go rotten. It was. It was going to turn brown. Oh my God. It's not. What? Do you want me to waste it? It's not as good after if it's brown. There's halflings turning around looking at us like, like as if we were in a movie theater like shut up. Shut the fuck up. What is wrong with you? Bows its head. He's like, yeah.

He's pointing at him. Up. Putting a hand on his chest. A halfling turns around so mad and you're like, yeah, it's tough. There, there. It's tough. He does. Keep it up, bud. And then things. Turn into a moment of silence. Yeah, Tug leads over to Viggo and goes, you're embarrassing me right now. Welcome to my world. Fuck you. I don't know why, but Viggo's just he's not dealing with his emotions very well right now. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Okay, I'm sorry. Can you guys not fight right now?

Can you fight after? You're right, Billy. It's so weird. You're right, Billy. That's my fault. Silence falls again on the service as the halflings and the three are surrounded by the sound of the river. What the fuck do you mean that's how I feel? We jump forward. I think we jump to the end of a feast. There's a wake, basically. For all the halflings who died. Oh, there's like a mass wake. There's a mass funeral. Oh, so we're right. So we're in.

We see the orchard and it's the soil is like cast over Bill's grave and filled in. And then the camera pulls out and there's like a dozen or more. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then. Yeah, it's so sad, but the graves are so cute. Jesus Christ. I don't. Tuck doesn't say that. He thinks that he's like, this is so sad, but these are so cute. It's so fucked up for me to think this, but I can't help it. They're so cute.

And yeah, I think we come in at the end of a feast and like the halflings are continuing their their celebrations of the lives that were lost, telling stories and and crying and laughing and sharing food and drink. There's some heavy cream going around. Oh, heavy cream. Yeah. Whoa. And Billy's licking his lips, looking at it. He's just like, Billy, that's heavy cream. I know. I dream of it all the time. Dream of cream. Yeah. What else? What do you dream of? Oh, the weird dream.

Well, Ving, what do you dream of? You dream of cream, right? I mean, in a way, Billy, all dreams are dreams of cream. I thought so. We cut to a memory of Ving's dream where Ving is laying in a loincloth, lounging on a chaise lounge as a tree with the head of a goat feeds him bananas top down. Takes him whole. Just takes a whole banana. I just dream about normal stuff, Billy. Yeah, just normal stuff.

This is really funny because in Tuxedos, he's like, so everyone else has nice dreams, I guess, and I'm just the one that only has the one nightmare. Right. This hasn't really come up in a specific way where someone was like, well, I have dreams about a variety of things. Oh, but we know about his dream, right? Yeah, you guys do. But I don't think anyone's ever said what they dream about. Right.

And the vibe that I am imagining as being this, where we are right now, is that you three are like, all right, time to go. We have some things to do. Yeah. I think Ving and I talked and we're like, we're going to let Billy have his time here for as long as he needs. Exactly. Yeah. This is where he needs to be. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Billy's hacking at a tree with his sword. Take that. Whatever. What you got there, pal? Nothing. I'm just having a fight. Hey, bud. What? Hey, bud. What? What?

They just baked new cupcakes. Don't even care. There's muffins. There's new muffins. I don't care. I don't even like muffins. They're savory muffins. I don't care. I care a little bit, but I don't care that much. Hey. What? Tuck kind of leans down and he does the thing where you kind of just scoop and take them out of the situation there is. Yeah. Yeah. He's like, do you need to talk about this right now? No. No, it doesn't matter anyway. Nothing I want matters. What you want matters, Billy.

Just because what we want, isn't always what we get, doesn't mean that it doesn't matter. No, it doesn't matter because everyone goes anyway. Billy, you can't keep everyone safe forever. No, it's fine. It doesn't matter. Like, I mean, it didn't matter when old Bill died either. Doesn't matter when wild Bill dies. Like all the Bills die. Billy, it's not your fault that people move on. It's just the way it is. Even you will change, Billy. Everything changes. Doesn't matter. Nothing I do matters.

He was supposed to live, too. He did live, Bill. No, he's supposed to live forever like me. Billy squirms out. He's like, put me down. I don't want to talk about this anymore. I'll put him down. Okay, buddy. Okay. The muffins are in. The second table. Thanks. Yeah. And we spend some more time at the feast. I think there's a real vibe of like, this is a community that is, like you are welcomed, absolutely, as heroes of the hogpocalypse. But I'm not part of them. Yeah. Yeah.

And like, they're like playing games that I don't, I'm not good at and that I've never played. And so, I'm not good at that. I've only ever seen. I just get like too sad and I want to go. You want to go? I think so. We can go. Vink shows you his satchel is full of mashed potato muffins. Oh, that's awesome. I show you my satchel. It's full of Yorkshire puddings and gravy. Such a wet bag right there. That's Tuck's bag. And yeah, Tuck's like, I grabbed a handful of recipes. Just a handful?

Well, his handful is, I just grew a handful. I grabbed a handful. It's two roast beefs. Yeah, Tuck's hands are like a foot and a half wide. It makes me so sad. What? Just the fact that like, you guys went through all of this. You all risked your lives to like save these people. And at the end, they were still like, well, Billy's not one of us. It's just not how it works. He's too different. Well, because they also in a way think like, Billy brings, he brings a lot of bad luck.

So they're like, yeah, well, you know, it was probably his fault they came here in the first place. Yeah. So you pack up and your plan is to head to Nana to see if there's anything you can learn about an easier way to get to the Gray Marsh. She's south? Like, is it ever what is it? Well, it's on the way. It's on the way, I guess. Yeah. We'll stop by. Yeah. I go back. I grab an extra pie. Okay. I thank Armand. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay.

Armand is like, hey, I just want to thank all three of you for what you did for the Everwood Valley. Yeah. Don't forget what he did. I won't. I'm not, I, you know, I've been told stories. I had plenty of reason to be afraid, but I ain't afraid no more. Sometimes stories are just that. They're just stories. I'll tell everybody what you did. Thanks. You really don't have to. I will. I'll look out for you if I ever come back. Okay. I'll see you around. Okay. Okay. You take care. You too. Thank you.

Uh, bye. And he gives you that like kind of sad, awkward, like the, the white person nod smile. Yeah. Where he does the like closed lip downturn smile in a sad kind of wave and like turns back and joins the wake again, but like looks back. Yeah. As the three of you walk away and you travel through the night and the sun rises. Probably end of this day is when you'd reach Nana's. Mm-hmm. Okay. Uh, Billy can roll his, uh, very child. Yeah. Nine. Nine. So I get a three hold. Excellent.

And you travel for a full day. There is devastation. That's the thing is you're traveling through a devastated Everwood. The fields have been smashed to mud. There are pigs that are like wandering, but they look chill. Yeah. They look like almost lost, but every once in a while, you'll sleep pigs like come together and like get their heads close together and like, snort at each other and then all start walking in a certain direction. So cute. Do you guys remember where we came from? Yeah.

Near the end of the day, the sun is, is starting to dip towards the West. You see trees, the Everwood itself sprawling along one bank of the river and then covering the waters and walking up into the hills. This like ancient forest of kind of short ish trees, but it's more like with those old, primordial forests where it's like kind of short, but like really dense. Yeah. And on the edge of the trees, you see a tiny little shack with smoke puffing out of a chimney of like old mud and brick.

Can I make a suggestion? Absolutely. So I think we're like, at first we were walking in the forest where it's easy and I was like, no, if you want to find our house, you got to get close to the river. Oh, okay. Oh yeah. You like pass into the trees and walk for a while in the Everwood itself. Yeah. Yeah. So we have to like traverse on like the river, but a lot of it is kind of like cliff side. Okay. And her house is actually built into the cliff. Oh, I like that. Oh, cool.

Like roots of trees and cliff. Yeah. Nice. Like mud and stuff like that. Cool. Like a super halflingy. Yeah. Almost like some sort of bird. Ooh. Yeah. Is it like on the outside of the cliff? I think it's that, like there's an overhanging tree and you can pass by her house, but it is a slim walkway. Okay. Yeah. Cool. Cool. I like that the walkway maybe has like copper plates, brass, like it has old things that shouldn't be found here. Yes. Yeah. Leaving the path.

And she's got, she's got lots of potted plants in old like containers that she would have found in the river. Cool. And old helmets and stuff. Yeah. Ooh, that's neat. Billy, what's the deal with this lady? Is she like a witch or something or? Yeah. What do you know? It's like a regular weirdo. I'm going to spell Laura to find out more about Nana. Okay. 2D6 plus intelligence. Apparently not. Three. Yeah. Okay. So a failure, you get a point of experience. Oh, you know what?

Billy mixes her up with someone else. Oh yeah, totally. That could be it. What is it? So what does Billy think? You know, she does, she sleeps a lot, really sleepy old lady. She doesn't love to be bothered, but when, you know, she's nice. She feeds you a lot, which is why I come over. Okay. Yeah. Her house looks different though. You have a good rapport with her. Yeah. Yeah. I think she'd remember me. So you approach this small little halfling hut built into a tree.

You got to make sure you talk really loud though. She can't hear very well. She's really, really deaf. Yeah. Okay. We can do that. And as you approach, like you step on a twig, a good distance down her little path and you hear like yelling from the hut. Oh, it's- Who the fuck is that? It's just me, Nana. Who the hell is me? Fat Billy and two of his giant friends. Fat Billy, huh? You think after last time you can show your face around here, you little scoundrel? Wait, what? What? What did I do?

So knowing Billy gets this lady mixed up with somebody, what did Billy do to Nana last time he was here? This, like what he actually do? Actually. Yeah. Yeah. What is the thing he doesn't remember doing? Oh, he had a bunch of golden root. He stole a bunch. He stole all of it. He stole all of her golden root? Yeah. Cause she's got like all the bunches of it. All the pots of like planted things outside. She's like an herbologist. Yeah.

I spent eight months seeking out seedlings, growing saplings, all for the golden root, just for you to rip it out and steal it. Oh no. I'm sorry. I didn't know. I didn't know. Do you have any of that left? No, I used it all. If it helps at all, he used it really well. He made friends with a cat. So you're hearing, you're just hearing shouting. I'm a dog lady. Never liked cats. Too shifty. Sleep more than eight hours a day. You're just hearing shouting from like, in like through a window.

She has not come out. She's like, you and your giant friends get away from here. And don't you come back. Well, is, can I, I don't know. Can I make it up to you somehow? I don't see how you would. I don't see how you would. I don't see how you would. Who could? Can we like Spout Lore of things she might like? What does Ving have? I've got a rotten smelling lemon liquid. Oh, delightful. Well, who knows what it does? That's true. Magic carbonia water. I could give her, I only have three left.

Oh, those are rare. Uh, Tucker goes, hey, I have a, I have a broken puzzle box. Been carrying this around for like seven seasons. Do you want it? The puzzle box? Yeah. Yeah. There's a ton of different types of puzzles. There's a ton of different types of puzzles. There's a ton of different types of puzzles. You're like, oh, shit. Actually, never mind. We have a bad dream potion. Here, can I roll for it? I guess discern realities. That's fine. Yeah. Yeah. 2d6 plus wisdom. Great. Okay. Nine. Okay.

I'll aid. Yes. All right. 2d6 plus bond. Great. I got nine. Okay, perfect. So that makes it a 10. So you get three questions. I'm getting you to help me ID the plants because I'm like, I don't know. She's definitely a plant lady. She's definitely an animal lady. She planted these on purpose, hey? Yeah. She might like the hibernia water. She seems kind of witchy. Yeah. What is useful or valuable?

What here is useful or valuable to you is as an experienced fairy and poisoner and substance maker, you see all of the various pots and containers that she has planted along the path to her hut are all herbs that are used in alchemy. Like these are all, she is, if she cannot make potions, she is certainly trying to make something. What should I be on the list? What should I look out for? So Billy, you're like, this is kind of a trap expert thing almost. Sure.

You are looking around, you like look at a spot and you notice something kind of in the grass and then you notice a thing next to that thing and a thing like hanging on a nearby bush and you realize that the area around like in the woods and then like along the cliff side and down the path, there are little baubles and trinkets all over the place in a configuration that makes you realize that she has set something up here and if you were to approach any closer, it would potentially be dangerous for you, which lets you know that she certainly has knowledge.

Like some kind of ability? Yeah. If not ability, then expertise. Right. What? Here's not what it appears to be. So, okay. So you think back to you're like, okay, well, if this isn't the Nana I was thinking about, then this must be this other lady that I dealt with 200 years ago. Oh, wow. Oh, shit. So you're like, okay. If this is her, she should be long dead because halflings don't. What? Am I remembering correctly? Halflings don't have super long lifespans.

No, they just like kind of normal-ish lives. Yeah. Old Bill lived longest. Oh, okay. Do you tell us everything you just figured out? Yeah. I say something's not right here. She's like, now that's the last I'll say about it. Now you turn yourselves around and you get away from here. And the talk goes, okay, I have a plan. Careful where you step. Okay. I won't go any further forward. He picks up a rock and he throws it through her front window. Awesome. Great. Yeah. 2d6 plus dexterity, I guess.

And then he goes, plan initiated. Execution style. Execution complete. Six. Oh. So instead of smashing through the front window of her house, he breaks two pots. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That face. Exactly. Smashes two pots in the. Okay. So two pots of golden. Oh, no. Was that. You rap scallyards. I told you to get away from here. And the door like flies open. And there's this decrepit looking halfling woman. Oh, so wrinkly. She's got this like, sagging skin, just like ancient.

And she is wearing like a, a pretty like loose robe. And she's got white hair in like a bun on top of her head. That's like almost as big as her head. Cool. She comes out and she reaches into her robe and she pulls out a little glass bottle and she throws it. Whoa. And it smashes on the path in front of you. And. Like a mist. And then the mist begins to billow out of this spot more vapor than should have been able to be contained in this bottle.

And as you're looking at it, it's like billowing up and up and like horrible shapes and faces are forming in this mist. Holy shit. Oh my God. And you are terrified to see the thing before you. What is it? It is a creature beyond comprehension. It is teeth and tentacles and eyes. What do you do? Tick goes, Billy, get behind me. She threw a little glass bottle.

Bottle at us and then he takes out the dream potion that he's been carrying around oh cool and I go I got one of those too you old bitch and he like smashes that on the ground where this thing came out yeah okay roll 2d6 plus wisdom yeah let's say that he's got 10 okay what do you think happens when you throw this dream potion in front of this other thing I guess they interact because this is a bad dream potion which like brings memories back okay so then what is a bad dream that each of you sees in front of you oh billy sees the miles of blood soaked ice whoa what is tuxy he sees his one yeah the burning tree yeah the burning tree and like the cataclysm the cataclysm yeah like swallowing the land what does bing see uh ving sings tuck and billy die and calling for his help and his arms are rooted in the ground oh whoa okay oh can I make also a suggestion yeah like in each of the dreams there is a cloaked black figure within the dreamscape oh it's like each of your dreams is surrounding a single image of a black clad oh yeah that's good he's like in all of them uh-huh how do you resist this I used weaponized dissociation oh when you are subject to mind control or magic that influences your feelings you may choose to take 1d4 damage and ignore the influence whoa okay so I just want to not be scared I want to not be scared and just feel nothing like I usually do lucky 1d4 damage to 2 damage so you just shut your mind off from the fear and you see behind you the like almost like a projector on a fog lamp and you're like oh my god I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die machine fog bank like you can see through the dream oh cool and you can see nana on the other side also like clutching her chest looking at the cloud in front of her oh because I threw the potion so it's affecting her too she's like patting her robes looking for something and like like pulling plants out of pots and eating them can I uh try and see what the thing that she's afraid of is like try and look past my dream into hers totally um what would that be I mean I was gonna use the druidic lore to oh figure out what it is okay yeah do you want to do that then so yeah I mean if we mechanically works yeah so first you're gonna need to overcome the terror that you're feeling yeah no problem how is ving doing that I mean being the witness of the world the seeing all the horrible things that have ever happened at least numbs him to this terrifying yeah presence right to something that's existed in the world totally giving him some experience does that make sense yeah that sounds like a defy danger wisdom okay great 10 okay there are much more horrible things that have been will be and are than this trickery sees through the fear yeah and you are able to act I want to use druidic lore to consult the trove of ancient knowledge within me to examine the events of the world yeah right now 14 14 holy shit jesus christ okay so that means you just tell me I ask you a question and you just answer it okay great okay so billy how are you overcoming the fear before you uh attempt to protect your your family would tricks of the trade work on this I don't or no I think right now you are straight up defying danger because there is a danger before you that you have to like deal with before you can act sure yeah I guess he goes into his trickster mode he's like no I know this isn't real like what could it be and his mind starts like going into it and he's like I don't know what's like the puzzle of it oh the yeah totally that feels like a charisma ish thing sure yeah billy's like how do people affect people how do I affect people right how is she trying to affect me I only got six eight yeah totally ving has broken the enchantment on himself basically maybe he shows gets him to look through it and see the old lady and how afraid she is and that make billy less afraid nice I got 11 okay nice thank you so ving just points ahead through the dream and you see nana on the other side in a panic which makes billy realize that if she sent this thing out thinking that it was going to affect you but it's affecting her it must be a trick of some kind yeah that she she has fooled herself and you with the seven to nine you're basically like trying to pull yourself together but you are not like running screaming anymore ving you were going to tap into the druidic lore yes yeah consult the ancient knowledge and I got a 14 so then you asked me a question about the subject and whatever I say is true okay what is this what is she doing uh it's I uh like a last ditch concoction that she's been making for years and years and years and it's all the poisons mixed together all the spirits of all the plants she's ever messed with together in one thing mixed with the magical waters of the winter shins and all the weird things that are living in the cave and the crystals and everything in there all kind of coming together it's a very unpredictable last ditch release of all the spiritual and nightmare energy totally yeah it's like it's it's like the magical equivalent equivalent of bear spray oh yeah where it's just like get away from me and with that you're like oh it's a trick fully you just wait that's all that's now that you have all protected yourselves from this mental effect all you need to do is wait for the effect to end can I look to see what her nightmare is yeah absolutely in the smoke yeah this I think would be discern realities okay six plus wisdom seven okay so you get one question uh yeah what should I be on the lookout for yeah so you um you look through the nightmares that you have all confronted and denied you see like the black clad image of who you can only assume to be the one you all assume it to be um and on neil alison some sort of priest or the grim reaper um but you see on her end that form shifts into one of like a twisted crone with a shifting face coming to collect what is hers whoa holy shit that's sick that's awesome ving steals himself and walks through the cloud the nightmare cloud and approaches her ving dies ving breathes in a cloud of poison and is killed immediately you literally just said it was all the poisons why the fuck would you do that I don't know it's really cool my constitation that's so fucking hilarious roll a 2d6 plus constitution for sure I got 11 would have been so fucking funny if you got snake eyes ving dies he's just like well he said it was poison he knew it was poison then he walked into he goes to talk he goes hold my purse you see his face steal as he steps forward and the minute his nose enters the cloud he goes it's spicy it's spicy it's spicy in my soul okay ving you step forward through this cloud you feel you feel all of the poisons of the trades of the druids of the alchemists of all of them it's true you breathe deep in something about the seed that grows within your chest the cloud almost swirls around it it feels like and then you vent all of this vapor out your gills I feel the seed crack a little tiny bit and you stand before nana as she cowers on the ground looking up at you I kneel down she has tears in her eyes I offer her a rag a clean rag my cleanest rag the cleanest of my flaps she reaches a trembling hand forward and takes the rag we're not here to hurt you we can help I saw her in there I know she's coming for you we can cut forward to like I guess billy inside the hut and you two crouched outside the door I'm looking through all our glass bottles at all the things that are going on here and I'm like I'm going to take a break from this so his eyes are being magnified as he moves around looking through the glasses.

Wow, cool. It's so cool. It's like his eyes are changing shape as he looks through. What is this one? That one? That's Worrywort. What about this one here? Oh, that's Forget-Me-Not. It actually makes you forget. I know, the name is confusing. What does Worrywort do? What do you think it does? It's like anti-anxiety. Stops you from worrying so much. Is this just a piece of bread? That is just a piece of bread, actually. I wanted to see what would happen if I left it in a jar for a long time.

The answer is not much. And she's like shaking. She's still like her eyes are bleary and she's pouring a kettle, a little halfling-sized kettle into a little halfling-sized teacup. Can we use Amma's tea kettle? Oh, yeah. Oh. Because we've never figured out what that thing does. Here, let me help you. Okay. Let me make the tea. Okay. Billy is like, I've never made tea in my life. The camera shifts to Tuck and Ving and we're like, uh-oh. Oh, no. Does he know what tea is?

He's going to put potatoes in it or something. Billy pulls out the teapot and he takes his dirty shirt and gives it a nice dusting. Like, rubs it clean. Yeah, clean his dirty shirt. It's actually dirtier when he's done wiping it. Yeah. It's less dusty, but it's much greasier. Yeah. He wouldn't let us clean Wild Bill's blood off him. It's the last thing I have of him. Oh, wow. It was a pretty tense attempted bath time. Yeah. You've got war all over you.

That's just standing in front of Billy like a feral cat. Yeah. Billy looks around at all the plants that she has in her kitchen. He's like, I don't know. So he just grabs whatever is closest, which is just original. Dragon. Oh, he plucks a bunch of that into the pot. He's like, and then I put water in it and now it is tea. Just cold. I pour her some. Yeah. And she takes a sip of the little. Yeah, she got out four cups. So there's four cups and four saucers for everybody. Here you go.

And she takes a sip and goes, oh, that's quite nice. Billy puffs up with pride. Oh, thank you. Good job, Billy. And Billy passes out the tea and tuck and Bing. It's tasty. It's wonderful. Oh, yeah. Oh, did Billy do his Billy thing on it? Don't know. That's what I can say. You can say. Yeah. And you all begin drinking. Well, the three of you begin drinking. Does Billy drink tea? Yeah, he'll drink tea. Yeah, it's delicious. Well, fucking shit. Jesus Christ. I made this. I'm like a chef.

I'm a chef now. I'm a chef. I'm a very fine chef. I'm one of the best to ever do it. Also, tuck and Bing. That tea is gone in like half a sip. It's all a halfling size cup. That shit's gone. It's a little thimble size cup. Yeah. So, yeah. What do you do? You have any questions for Nana? Well, I think tuck wants to ask. What do you know of mother? Never was. Don't say her name. I just. I just wanted to know. I just wanted to know.

I just wanted to know about the plants and the animals and the things that I could do to help people. And she said that she could teach me. She could teach me the art. But by the time she imparted me with the knowledge, too much time had passed and everyone I wanted to help was gone. Who are you trying to help? My family. My boy was sick. He's gone now, so. What was his name? Trenton. Trenton, New Jersey. The old turnpike. I knew him well. And now. I'm alone. I'm alone. There's a woman.

She's just trembling. The tea is like, clink, clink, clink, clink, clink, clink. Have you ever thought of going back to the community? They wouldn't have me. Why not? They don't trust those they don't understand. You know that as well as I. I do. You're right. Doesn't matter how many times you try. It doesn't. But it's not so bad out here. I have my quiet. I have my plants. But you. How do you know of she? We've heard some stories. You don't seek her, do you? We might. We might have to.

You can't. There's someone worse out there. Yeah, there's someone hunting us. Something. And he is scared. He's scared of her. We need to know why. How did you find her? She found me. I want to know how. Okay. Can I roll for it? Yeah, totally. This could be a spell, Laura. Sure. With, uh. Intelligence. Seven. Okay. So interesting, but not useful. Sure. All right. She comes to those with needs. Yes. And desires that no one and nothing else can provide. She offers them a choice.

A terrible, terrible choice. If you need her help, she will find you. And she will offer it. But you must not accept. What was your bargain? I didn't know it until it had been made. A way to save my son, but no son to save. She stole your time? She stole my time and she gave me knowledge of the plants and the roots. Knowledge of alchemy. Medicine and healing. And now, no one to heal. There's still people that can use your gifts. She sets down her teacup.

Just because you've given up on them doesn't mean they've completely given up on you. She picks her teacup up again. She takes a nervous sip. She takes a nervous sip. Fuck, this tea is good. God damn, boy, this tea is fine. Thanks. And as she takes more sips of the tea, you can see her, like, settling into a reverie of sorts. Of course, you're right. She takes another sip. I could return. You could. I could put in, like, a good word for you. There's a really nice guy.

There's a really nice guy there. Armand. He's young and he doesn't really listen to all, like, the mean stories that the rest of the halflings tell everyone. It's kind of like a renegade. Yeah, he's kind of cool. I was something of a renegade in my youth as well. And then that Avicii song plays. It's an over series of flashbacks. So live a life you will remember. He's a skit. If you would send this Armand my way, I could help you. We can tell you where to find him. We're going south.

We could send word. I could send word with the birds. Oh. Oh, yeah. She nods. Wait, this isn't a trap, is it? Trap expert. Oh. I just want to make sure. It's a great question. So go ahead. Two to six plus what? Or trap expert. Can't remember. It's dexterity. Okay. Nine. Okay. So you get one. Okay. How? I give Billy the voice of all the trees and birds and plants around here. Oh. Yeah, both our spidey senses go up. So you get a point of experience. And Billy gets a question. Okay.

I guess, is there a trap here? And if so, what activates it? So. Let me answer this question using the thing that Ving said about giving voice to the trees and the birds. Sure. You are sitting here and you're like listening to this like, whoa, she's just going to help us. That's great. This poor old woman was done wrong by this creature. Mm-hmm. And the tweeting of the birds and you're like, you're just getting that vibe, that Billy vibe where you're like, what else is going on here?

And then Ving focuses. He's on the noises of the animals around him. Oh, it comes like into focus. Yeah. Like you stop hearing the forest. You stop hearing the birds singing and you start hearing the birds speaking the word run. Fuck. We jump up. You are outside the hut. We'll remember that in terms of framing. Oh, but Billy is inside. Billy is inside. Tuck and Ving are outside because this place is very small. Well, we're going to talk to Armando. Yeah, we'll go get him for you.

Oh, but you haven't finished your tea. Yeah. Are you quite sure? Yeah, it's a long walk back and I'd like to get there before the sun goes down. Oh, but you should stay. She'll be here soon. I sprint to the door, but I, oh wait, no, I want to charm. I want to charm her. Okay. Yeah. To give us time. Okay. If that's okay. Totally. Yeah. Like a thing happens for a second where like Tuck and Ving almost like rip the wall off of the cottage. Yeah.

And then we see you like tell us to like chill for a second. So we like stop. Like if Ving's got his leg up on the wall and his spear and like a crack in the wood. About to just wrench it down. Billy takes her hand. He's like, listen, I've been alone for a long time too. And I know that when someone leaves me, I worry that they won't come back, but we will come back. It doesn't matter what you say, dear. I couldn't run from her. Neither can you. And then she starts cackling.

Tuck grabs the window. Frame and rips the whole wall off so that Ving can get in there and get Billy as quickly as possible. All right. Defy danger. Strike. I mean, I know it's a little house, but six, seven, eight. Okay. So seven to nine. Yeah. It takes like a surprising amount. Like you yank once and the wall doesn't come off. What the fuck? But you get it off on the second. The second yank. Okay. You get it off on the second yank, bro. It only takes you two. Yeah. Done.

Uh, but the wall comes off. Ving, you reach in. You grab Billy. I grabbed him. Yeah. I put my hand up. He grabs my hand. There is a sense of urgency here and you all just start running down the path. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, yeah. Before I tuck runs away, he grabs the teapot and then he tosses this old lady off the cliff. Okay. So you're, so first you're going to have to roll to grab the teapot. Okay. 2d6 plus dexterity to snatch it out of there. Yeah. 11. Okay. Yeah. You, you, you get it. Teapot. Yeah.

You got to try and grab her. Okay. What is this? 11. 11. Does it matter? Wait, I forgot to get something. He goes back for the teapot and then we just see. She like flies so far out and into the winter. Jesus Christ. And she's cackling the whole time. It's creepy. Oh yeah. It's insane. She's laughing under the water. She does not fight back. She like lets me grab her and throw her. And you start running. Okay. Yeah. So you hear her laughing.

She's throwing through the air and she hits the water and the laughing ceases, but you start running down the path and you hear the laughing pick up again. Oh, I love this. This is great. I love horror. It's a horror episode. We're doing a horror episode because guess what? The sun is setting again. Oh no. Fuck. So like you can see the light is starting to die in the Everwood. Oh my God. What do you do? Scramble up. Scramble away from the river. Into the Everwood? I don't know.

Can I ask the trees and the birds to try and help us out and just try and keep her there? Cause she's an unnatural force. Yeah, totally. In a very natural place. I'm going to use spirit tongue to try and convince everybody to slow her down. So spirit tongue, remember, is just the fact that you can speak to them. Yeah. It's not a rollable move. This could be a call of nature. You could be giving like physical form to the spirits to help. Yeah.

I guess I want to use call of nature to just call upon the spirits of the forest and create a barrier between us and her. Great. Create a dam in the water where she is or up on land. 13. Jesus Christ. Yeah, that'll do. Okay. So that's three requests. Yeah. I want to see if the roots of the trees can ensnare her. Like the trees all kind of lean in from across the river and everything. Yeah. Create just a giant cage dome. Like trap her into the river? Yeah.

Like the Nana lady or the Mother Never Was? No, the Nana lady. Okay. I don't think Mother Never Was is here yet. Okay. Or she is, we don't know. You call on the spirits. You raise your hands cinematically. And close your eyes. He dives his root hands into the, his nightmares come true. Yeah. Into the earth. And you are held there for a second as you call upon these spirits.

And the trees on either end of the river start to bend inwards, their roots and branches growing and lashing together to create this like latticework cage. That'll cost you one request, I guess, to hold her. But you see like, you hear the laughing, the cackling is still coming from the water and like impossibly thin and long. And you see like, you see her like, long arms are like reaching through. Whoa. Oh my gosh. As if she's like unfolding herself into this sort of. To like sneak through?

It's like, yeah, she's trying to like weave herself through the branches. Oh my God. You hear her like cackle and say, it really will just be easier this way. But she's held for a moment. What do you do? I want to make a fairy ring around thing. Okay. So that's 2d6 plus. Dexterity. Dexterity. 12. Great. Which means you can just leave the ring there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm in here. I'm in. Yeah. Yeah. And what is the, what does this ring look like? It's stone. Okay. So you know, it's the roots.

Actually, the roots are spread out from the trees and they're, they've woven around us. Right. Like you're able to piggyback his call of nature. But I think what is happening now is like, you're trying to get them to. Sprout. Tighten their grip on her. Yeah. I'm trying to get them to sprout leaves to like fill in all the gaps. She's like wheedling her way through this cage. Gross. Like really long, thin spindly fingers. 2d6 plus three, which is your remaining. Request. Five plus three, eight.

Eight. Okay. So. I lose one. You lose one. So I'm down to two. Down to two now. Okay. So next time you ask them to do something, it will be with a plus two instead of a plus three. Thank you. And you see with your seven to nine, Nana has worked her way like halfway out. She is become like a stretched out version, but she's like reforming her limbs as she comes through the other side. So she's like halfway stuck. And her hair is really long. It's so long. And she's kind of like paper thin.

You almost see through it. Like the light from the trees as it dies is like shining through her. Almost mother never was. You don't know what she is. She seems so disconsolate. But you are also in the fairy ring. Yeah. But we're stuck here. You are currently stuck here unless you're able to do something else with the spirits. Like this tactic as the branches sprout and like tighten their grip. They have done as much as they can with her. She will get herself out. What do you do?

I want to use my bandolier and change gears and set the cage on fire. Oh, okay. What in the bandolier are you using to do this? The flint that I have in there. Oh, cool. Yeah. So this is an elemental mastery. Elemental mastery. Okay. 2d6 plus constitution. So sick. 10. Okay. So what does this fire look like? He throws it and she bats out of the air and it goes in the water. Oh. And she's cackling, cackling, cackling.

And then out of the water where the trees are touching the water burst into flames. And it very quickly like washes up in like a watery kind of flame. Oh, cool. Wave of flame just lick over the whole cage. Yeah. Engulf all the branches. She starts like making this like screaming, shrieking screech noise like steam escaping from a kettle. Oh, whoa. What did you got? You got a seven? Oh, no, you got a 10. You got a 10. Which means you get two choices.

I will choose the effect I desire comes to pass and I retain control. Okay. So you're paying nature's price here. My hands are dug into the earth. Yeah. Oh. So being like the fire, you see it like race up the cage. And I can feel it coming through the ground, through the earth, through the roots that he has used. Get away from me. And then Ving is engulfed in flame. Oh my God. So we stumble out. But Ving can't be burned. Oh, Ving can't be burned. That's true. That's true. That's true.

That's true. That's true. That's true. That's true. That's true. In a situation in which you are prepared to take nature's price. Right. Because of the choices you've made. I will look into this later because this feels like a get out of jail free card. It totally does. But narratively, it makes sense. But Nana, as the branches around her burn and crumble, she is a flame. She's shrieking, squealing. She dives into the river and out of sight. Fire goes out. You are not safe here. Run. Run. Yeah.

The birds. Are quiet. And then they begin saying, run. Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. Before she comes back. Oh my God. Okay. Yeah. We all run. I have escape route when you're in too deep. Anita, way out. Name your escape route and roll plus dexterity. But the only thing is, I don't know if I can take everyone with me. Right. Yes. Unless you get in the bag. No. No. I'm not getting in the fucking bag while you're in a primeval forest. While an ancient.

Ancient witch fucking tries to hunt you. We're sprinting right now. Yeah. We're just sprinting. Get in the bag. We can just do a thing. This is a thing. I've gone through this forest so many times before. Billy is making this sprinting moves. Yeah. But Tuck is holding him. Yeah. Like a cat. Like a dog being held over a pool when they start paddling. Still out of breath. The shots are going back and forth between us. And then it goes to a wide. And I'm just scary. That's so funny. Okay.

So I think. Yeah. I think. Yeah. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. The most likely course here is that you need to get away from this immediate situation. And then you can find shelter of some kind. Yeah. Perilous journey probably makes the most sense. Yeah. Okay. Scout ahead and navigate. Who's doing what? Billy, it makes sense if you navigate because you've been here before. It's true. Yeah. I'll scout ahead using the birds. Okay.

They're telling us to run so I can ask them where. Yeah. And I'll just keep an eye out kind of generally. So I'll just kind of be here. I like that you're using like your insane strength to run backwards and keep an eye on where she was. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, what?

I was imagining a really spooky shot of you running backwards and like seeing the darkened path of the trees like lit by the moonlight and her super weird long limbs start like pulling her down the trees. Oh, cool. Yes. Yes. That's so sick. Do that. You just did. I'm going to throw up. I'm so scared. No, we haven't rolled any moves. I shouldn't have blown that one. That was so cool. Just like. Yes. Yeah. Okay. So we need to roll. So for Scout Ahead, it's 2d6 plus wisdom, which is Bing.

And for Navigate, it's 2d6 plus intelligence. Okay. Oh, please. 11. Nine. Can I aid you? Sure. Okay. Oh, yeah. Totally. Because you're looking around. Yeah. You're also looking around. 2d6 plus aid. I'm doing that backwards run thing. Yeah. What do your tuck eyes see? 11. It's bad. Keep running faster. Keep running. So that's two tens. Yeah. I see that thing where the woods are stretching back and I'm just like, you can't slow down. You have to keep going. Yeah.

Like you're running backwards and every once in a while, you just like grab the front of his shirt and pull him forward. Yeah. And I'm just like, keep looking at me. Do not look back. And because I had the weaponized dissociation, it's not freaking me out. Your blank face. Yeah. That's so cool. I like the idea that it's this weaponized dissociation. It's not that Tuck is not afraid. It's that he's convinced himself he's not. But somewhere inside, like child Tuck is screaming. Oh, yeah. Okay.

So for Scout Ahead, you get two from the front. Okay. So you get two from the front. You get the drop on whatever lies ahead. You discern a beneficial aspect of the terrain, such as a shortcut shelter or tactical advantage. You just want me to pick that one. All right. You do whatever you fucking want to do. You make a capital D discovery or you notice sign of a capital D danger. I'll do the second one because that's the one I wanted. You get two, you dickhead.

And I'll do one of my own choosing. You sweet, sweet boy. No, don't make me feel bad. No. You just said this to a freshly married. Man. Yeah. What does that mean? Look how fresh his dick and balls look. Look at that hat. They are freshly skinned. Wow. Leave that in. Wow, Sean. You hear that, baby? Freshly skinned. Freshly skinned. It's so gross. Okay. So you get a second one. Do you want to use the beneficial aspect one? You don't have to. Yeah. I want to discern a beneficial aspect.

So then you get the drop on whatever lies ahead. You make a capital D discovery or notice sign. I have a capital D danger. Discovery. Discovery. You're running for a long time. Yeah. There's a point where the trail accordions back to like a normal size. You're still running. The things flitting across the trail are like less frequent. And you start to be like, okay, I think we can slow down a little bit. And you come to like a clearing. The moon is shining high in the sky.

The coronet arcing across the heavens. Clouds dapple the starlit night. Delicate beams dance across the glade. And in the center of the clearing, a deer grazing. I kill the deer. You're more than welcome, dear. Okay. I think we're fine. Back on the menu, boys. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Because the thing is with navigate which billy also got a 10 on you avoid dangers and distractions making good time reaching a point of the gm's choosing before you need to make camp you are oh my god we can cut forward to like a tent and a little fire you're cooking venison on a spit and billy's like what and billy's built not one but two fairy circles because he's so scared on his own yeah you will have to roll again for this very circle oh like I have to use a fairy child for it yes no you have to do you use a fairy child for a fairy circle oh no I don't no you just roll 2d6 plus charisma yeah or dexterity dexterity eight okay so I'm going to go with a four four four four four four four a a a a on a seven to nine, that means that the, the ring will last the night and keep out any dangerous foes, but you re you are required to maintain it.

Oh, don't worry. I will be maintaining it. I would like to roll again for a second. Hey, do we think, I mean, it opens you up to another, to a failure. So this is, I suppose allowed. Yeah. I'm just like, not very confident about this one. I'm like, I want it to be a bigger circle. Okay. I don't want to get in the habit of this, but I like, this is a thematic thing right now. That was very scary. It's so scary. So scary. We're doubling down. Yeah. 10. Okay.

So is this a bigger circle that you make around the first one? Yeah, this was already the bigger circle. That's so fucking funny. What are these two rings look like? Uh, the first one was like twigs and, and Billy looked at it and he was like, pathetic. This sucks. This sucks. There's like sticks stuck in the ground. This is awful. Don't even look at it guys. Don't look, look away. And we're just eating like a leg of venison. We're like, what Billy? What do you mean? This is delicious.

Uh, the second one was made of like huge rocks. Like Billy just connects a bunch of rocks that are in the clearing. He's like dragging rocks. Oh yeah. Great. So you are safe in this clearing. Nothing can get in. You can leave the second circle up on its own. No, Billy's too afraid. He stays out here and maintains it. We have to maintain the middle one. Yeah, that's funny. I was going to say like we pitch our own tent. So Morris and Perel and Victor, can come out. Oh yeah, totally.

I think that would be good. Yeah. Like we put out the fanny pack. You mean? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And you put out the fanny pack and Victor like bursts out. Where are the hogs? I've come to taste their flesh. Oh, Victor, quiet down. We're in a different place now. Get back in the circle. What? Oh, here. So we are not doing the hog thing anymore. A couple of days ago. Hmm. You defeated them? Yes. Actually. Pathetic foes? No, they're pretty intense. They're actually really hard to beat.

Billy stabbed him in the head. Look at that huge gash that Tuck has. Yeah. Look at my gash. You can see in the moonlight. That is quite a gash. It's so deep. I have seen the gash of two in my time. And I rank that among the gashiest. Yeah. Looks like a callous dock worker's heel. Fucking gross. Oh, that's the grossest thing I can imagine. Sorry. But Victor is here. He stalks the edge. He says, fear not. No foes will enter this circle as long as Victor stands watch.

And then we go, Victor, have you heard of an old witch that lives in a gray marsh? I have heard of no such witch, but there is not been a witch. That is bested Victor. I have a question though. Okay. What is a witch? It's like a, it's kind of like a wizard, but more earthy, I guess. Yeah. I will be inside the tent resting up for my watch. Thanks Victor. Call me when I am needed. He's so lazy now. Yeah. He's so lazy. He comes back out. He takes one of the deer legs.

He drags all because he's huge. He drags like the rest of the deer inside. Great. I didn't even get in. He does the thing where he comes out and he grabs it and then he knocks the entire fire over dragging it off the spit. And there's just embers flying. Yeah. It drags the greasy carcass into the carpet. Oh, Morris. Are you here? Perel yelling? Not on the couch. It's just incoherent yelling from inside the tent.

And you hear like a Russian wolf yelling back at him in Russian, in real earth, Russian. So we're popping inside the tent. I think so. Yeah. Billy just drags his seat over near the door and he's like, don't worry, I will guard and listen. Okay. Yeah. So I guess we're in the vestibule in the vestibule. The door is like, the flap is like cracked to accommodate Billy's insistence that he maintain a second ring. Billy's hand is inside the tent. He's like, please hold my hand.

We're both holding his hand. Uh, cool. So Morris and Perel join you in the vestibule. They look exhausted. Like how much pineapple juice have you been chugging? Oh, grow up. We've been working on a project. What have you been doing? Fucking. Morris is drinking pineapple juice. And Perel is like looking at Morris and he's like, it's nothing. What's going on with you? I'm hearing about some sort of horrible witch. I mean, one of you is probably heard of mother never was.

And Perel kind of nods and reaches up and takes the pineapple juice from Morris and takes a sip. Nods. I think I've heard stories. What are the stories you've heard? Uh, some like mythic bargainer in a swamp somewhere in the principalities. There were stories going around. When I was, I guess, you know, I grew up in the river. Yeah. So like there were always stories, but I just assumed they were stories.

Uh, we met like a weird old crone in the woods that said she like learned from mother never was. And then she got real weird and everything got really fucked up for a little while. It was super spooky. Okay. Is this something that you would like us to do some research on? Yeah. Or like help us. Yeah. Figure out. Okay. Like, are we marked by, and mother never was now it was kind of a, an option maybe to go through her marsh. Right? Yes.

Because being figured out that she, the gibbous man is like too scared to like look in her domain. And it might be like a way for us to cover our tracks getting into the principalities. Yeah. But what is, she's a apparently terrifying. She's the most, this is the scariest thing I've ever seen. Yeah. Right. All right. Well, then we can look, we can look into this and see if there's something we can use to our advantage. Well, you're looking into that.

Is it too much to get them to look into your puzzle box? Oh yeah. My what? I keep forgetting. I have this when we talk and he pulls out the puzzle box. Oh yeah. Oh, I haven't thought about this thing in years. You know, this, I gave it to him. He made it. What did you do to it? Uh, you know, I tried to, where are we playing? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Are you playing with it? We're trying to, yeah, we're trying to fix it or solve it. We're trying to do something to it.

I don't know. It's shitty dude. It's what now hold on. It's broken. You broke it. Can you fix it? Yeah, I can fix what was broken and then maybe we can open it. I'll put it on my list of things to do for the three of you. Oh, that's awesome. That's great. Thanks for having a list. Did you get your sense of sarcasm beat out of you by these pigs? No. Yeah, You're right. We didn't. You know what? Yeah, of course.

Why would I want to be running around outside here fighting killer pigs and scary witch women when I could just be in here with endless food just doing things from a list? Oh, so hard and scary. Must be so tiring to just fuck each other nonstop and work your way through a list. Well, I have to sleep out here tonight with the gibbous man looking at me, probably. Yeah. Or that scary Nana witch. You get to sleep with a dog every night and I have to sleep with Todd. Get to sleep with Todd.

Most nights. And Perel holds up his hands and goes, all right, all right, all right. We all have to do hard stuff. And everybody looks at Perel. Yeah, we all look at Morris's dick. Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ. So what's the plan from here? Well, it's how quickly… Start specific. Yeah. Yeah, how quickly can they look up info? Yeah, what do we need? A knight? I can consult my tombs and I grew up in the Riverways so I can look for the volumes that I think would be the most pertinent.

I think the thing that we need right now is to know which direction we're going. Okay. We need to know how we're going to get to Highspear. We're still on the south end of the Halfling Lands. We kind of are at a dividing point. Yeah. Do we go through the Gray Marsh or do we trek through… Kind of like mountainous, I guess. Yeah, the mountains. It's kind of like… Or do we try and find an underground route? That's the thing.

The underground route was, I think, the plan because it would be way faster because to get to the Gray Marshes, you have to travel through the majority of the Blacktree Principality. Right. Yeah. So on the ground route, our original options were the winter shims, wasn't it? When were you going to look for a water route? You're going to look for tunnels. Yeah. Yeah. Underneath. Yeah, but that was the river. Yeah. Yeah. And your plan was to talk to Nana. Yeah, to find if she knew a way.

This could be like a Morris and Perel are studying Spout Lore kind of thing. Let's make camp. Let's let these nerds figure their shit out. Yeah. And then we'll regroup in the morning. Morris, you can make a breakfast buffet and then we'll… We can make it. Morris holds his hands up. Fine, Perel, you make the breakfast buffet. It doesn't matter. Both of you make the breakfast buffet. I don't care who does it. I just want a breakfast buffet. I'm at station.

I mean, if you don't want to make breakfast, it's fine as long as it's a buffet. You guys have said breakfast so many times that Victor comes barreling into the room. He's holding marbles in his mouth. Yeah, exactly. And they're scattering all over the place as he runs. He's got the marble jar sideways in his mouth and he's whipping marbles everywhere. His tongue is hanging out underneath. So cute. Okay, great. So are we going to do a Spout Lore move? Is that the idea here? Who wants to do this?

It's kind of about the past. It's more about like myth and legend though. If I roll about something that nobody knows about, I get a plus one. Do you still? Yeah. Or would you be able to roll with wisdom? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. If it's because I have long lived when you Spout Lore about the past, I take a plus one. Okay. What do we think? Do we think that applies? I think that's fair. Yeah, Mother Never Was has been around for a long time. She's kind of been around forever. True.

All right. Two to six plus one for your being old. Do it. Eight. Oh. Oh, wow. Okay. All right. So the sun rises. Billy has been up all night maintaining his secondary ring. Eyes puffy. Yeah, eyes puffy, holding this jingly sword that you found. It's jingling because he's shaking. Yeah. And Billy, you did, you think, see things in the trees. I saw things. I think Tuck probably sat out here with Billy all night. Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah. They set up shop. Mm-hmm.

You start smelling the sense of bacon, sausage, wet eggs in a tray. My favorite. Cereal and weird little dispensers. Costco croissants. Oh, whoa. Little individual butters. Oh, boy. Not a shred of dairy in them. Nice. And quote, unquote, coffee. Okay. The breakfast buffet. Is served. And there's several volumes of pages puttering around, fixing up. There's one at the end with like ham, like at a carving station. And there's an omelet bar.

There's an omelet bar staffed by one of the pages who has a little like toque, like chef's toque on. Yeah. Cute. All of the ones that are cooking have French mustaches drawn on, like long, thin. And the paper chef hat. Yeah. One's got a little paper accordion that doesn't make any noise. It's just the sound of paper being crushed back and forth. Cluck, cluck, cluck. Cluck, cluck, cluck. Uh, and Morris and Perel are in their, uh, house coats with their slippers on. Mm-hmm.

And the pajama pants sticking out of the bottom. And they're shoveling some food onto plates. Good morning. Billy pokes his head in. Good morning. How was it out there? Sounds terrible. I heard nightmare laughter all night long. Why are you such an asshole? I'm not trying to be an, I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be an asshole. Do you want some orange juice? Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham.

Now. Don't you want to play? Okay, no. Paige just, you can, Paige doesn't have a face, but you can see it kind of going like, what the fuck? Sorry. What a rude little kid. No, I'm sorry. I don't mean it at you. It's so funny. It's so rude. And he dutifully, the Paige dutifully shaves off a piece of ham and just kind of hands it to you between the knife and that weird long fork that they do. Take it with my hands. Thank you. I'm sorry. As it nods. You hear the paper shuffle.

And Tuck comes in from outside now and he goes, ham. Ham. And this Paige rolls his whole head. And it's like. I wonder where he gets it from. The two Paige's look at each other. And they're like. He certainly doesn't get it from me. Yeah. Yeah. Shave, shave, shave, shave, shave. And they take the. Smoked tofu. Smoked tofu. And the one at the smoked tofu carving station shaves off a piece of smoked tofu. When they shave a piece of ham off, I just take the large. Yeah.

So there's only just a thin piece of ham left. Classic Looney Tunes bit. I love it. Yeah. Bing gets a cup of coffee. They pour a cup of coffee. He grabs a craft. Starts drinking out of the craft. I think maybe none of us slept last night and I was going to use this as an opportunity to refill our hip points. Same here. Oh yeah. Damn it. Nope. Me too. Can't do it. No. Can't do it. Fuck. Uh, and Morris goes, well, I had quite a night myself. Thank you for not asking.

Does everybody have their crap from the hot trays? Yes. Yeah, we do. Thank you for making this. Yeah, it's great. Sit down. We sit. We're sitting. Use coasters. I can't. So angry. Um, all right. And he wheels out a chalkboard. I was up all night reading stories from Perel's home. I was like, oh, I'm going to go to the! Never was. Fuck. And he erased it. Was. Mother Never Was. Classic bargainer archetype. Okay. Present in mythologies around the globe. Mm-hmm.

Mother Never Was is featured in a number of stories in which she offers mortals power or boons in exchange seemingly for nothing. But the boons always have strings attached. For example. Wait. He says. He has strings attached. He theatrically flips the chalkboard and there's one of those yarn diagrams. Yeah. Yeah. There's a bunch of yarn on the other side. He pauses for applause and we do not. We're genuinely exhausted. Yeah. We're just like. I told you. There's too much yarn.

Too much yarn, Perry. Keep it simple. They're dumb. We say nothing. No, you all not. Like the only sound you hear is. Hark! Hark! And in the background, the sound of clink, clink, clink, clink, clink, because Victor is still like prancing around with his marble jar in his mouth. The pages are like slipping on the marbles. For example, in one story, a man requested to become a skilled sculptor. And in exchange, Mother Never Was placed him on an island at sea where there was no stone.

Or someone asked to be reunited with their lost love, but instead she reunited them with their animated corpse. That kind of thing. You know what I mean? There's always something that goes bad. Except for once. And I think that's where we're going to end it for this week. I've been your Game Master, Sean O'Hara, joining me as always playing Tacomdom the Barbarian Abdulaziz. So long, everybody. Playing Bing the Half-Elf Druid, Paul Oppers. Take care.

And playing Fat Billy the Halfling, Thief Jessica Tai. Goodbye. Thank you to all of you, our susporters out there, for susporting the show around the world. Without you, this show literally would not be possible.

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And thank you to Aaron Charles-Reed for our intro and outro music and all of the music produced on the show, including presumably a song about pigs that just came out a couple weeks ago. And thank you, most of all, to all of you for listening. We'll see you next time.

And so ends the tale of Adventures Three Who tried the best they could Though dumb and scared and lost they'd be For time's a-breding Rest in revelry And though our journey may be like a conclusion We will not leave you without a resolution Return next week to hear some more Whilst you commute or do your chores And for you I'm glad Leads SpellTorch