Episode 5 – Crystal Bay

Hi everybody, this is your Game Master Sean O'Hara. I'm here with everybody, Paul Oppers, Jessica Tai, and Abdul Aziz. We're just jumping in a little bit here to tell you that we've reached our first monthly goal on Patreon, $500 a month, which means that we have unlocked the first goal, which is that we will be recording and releasing a new monthly side game.

What we're going to do for our side game as of right now is we are going to try and play a Blades in the Dark campaign set in the High Spear Mall, where Abdul, Paul, and Jessica will play members of the Cool Treat Kids, competing for turf and jobs and candy sales territory against various small factions like the Hot Meat Boys and others. And this is obviously we'll have time to think about this because our plan is to do a character creation session at some point. This month. Oh, thank God.

So we'll do character creation, and then we'll probably try and do like a first episode and see how we're feeling after that. Well, I'm excited for them to have a mode of transportation around the mall. Something that rules us. Like a Segway? Yeah. Yeah. You guys do have a lair. Oh my God. You would have a lair as the Cool Treat Kids. I'm excited to talk more about the mall. I like this weird like post-apocalyptic magic mall. A lot of weird stuff in there. But.

Also, there's different like gangs. Like you guys can be assassins, bravos, a cult. Oh God. Hawkers is probably what Hawkers is what I was thinking initially, because that just means that you have a product that you sell. And then you have you can be shadows, which is just thieves. You're like you're a crew of thieves. You steal stuff for people. There's also smugglers. I like that. But smugglers is more about like having a vehicle and smuggling stuff from place to place.

I have the only vehicle the good Lord intended me to have my butthole. Yeah. So that's sort of where we're at right now. And that will be hopefully coming out sometime this September. And we'll learn more as you learn more. Well, thanks, everyone, for donating. Thank you so much, everybody, for your incredible support. And we'll talk to you soon. Gather round, friends. Let me tell you a tale of three heroes, noble and bold. A brute. A hero. A druid. And a thief who is but nine years old.

You know them by name. You know them by deed. Their quests are famously daring. So here I sit singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing. Tuck is the brute. He knows not his home. He loves to sing and fight. Fingers half-elf. He shifts his shape and wields a spear with great pride. Billy's a thief. His tiny size does mask the largest heart. Best and brightest. They may not be. But their friendship outweighs their smarts. So gather round, friends. And listen close.

For the tale's about to start. Welcome back, everybody. My name is Sean O'Hara. I am your game master for Spout Lore, a podcast that you're listening to. With me, as always, playing Ving the Druid. Paul Oppers. Do you want to try that again? No, I don't. Okay. That was exactly. The tone I wanted to strike with the intro. This is a podcast. And with me, as always, on Spout Lore, a podcast, colon, for people. Here is Paul Oppers playing Ving the Druid.

Jessica Tai playing Fat Blade the Halfling Thief. And Tacoma Dome played by Abdulaziz. I have literally no support or respect within the ecosystem of the podcast. And yet I leave it still. It smells like mothballs, Abdul. Sorry. I was eating mothballs earlier. When last we left our heroes, they had succeeded in making romance blossom between Gregom the fish smoker and Brenda, owner of Vegetable Town plus Cheeses in the town of Little Sir. And I mean, that was the focus of the whole episode.

Several episodes before it. I know, right? It was creating a situation in which these two middle-aged folks ended up banging in a canoe in the ocean. Stakes had never been higher. Yeah. Beautiful. But in doing so, you had inexplicably completed a quest handed down to you by mayor of Little Sir. Little Sir, a cat in a bowler hat. Because of that, the mayor has told Ving that you're allowed to take as much smoked fish as you want. Sick. Yeah, that was his deal.

He's like, you can have as much fish as you want. We're good. We're stacked. And he'll sit on your lap if you want. You can scratch him. Yes. You can have all the fish. All the cat cuddles you want. So, did you do that? Yeah, we took all the fish we wanted and pet that mayor. Yeah. Gregom wasn't even there to stop you because he was out in a canoe. That's right. Canoodling. Ah! Oh! Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. All those terrible. Brynn, Jessica did a pussy eating thing. I'm sorry.

You had to canoodle your tongue. Ah! Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Wonderful. We all did it. We all did it together as a family. Okay. Well, then I think that we maybe jump ahead a couple days. Mm-hmm. You continue along the coast of the Sea of Graves, and it's a lot of coastal trails. You spend a lot of time on the edge of the land and the beach. Francis is plodding along for a couple days. Can we see the storms? In the pillars? I mean, yeah. Storms in the pillars?

Is that how we think it works? That's how I imagined it. That once you get to the edge of the pillars, there's just storms inside? Well, let me know what you guys think. What I was thinking is kind of like calm on the beach. We said there was this hot wind blowing from the ocean onto the beach. Yeah. I imagined the same thing, like the clouds swirling around the pillars, and then the waves, you can see them splash against the pillars. Oh, yeah. Like going up hundreds of feet. I guess so. Yeah.

And then really deep in, where it's even in the daytime, it's dark inside. Yeah. And you can see lightning. Yeah. Have you ever seen those pictures of volcanoes? It's pretty cool. Oh, yeah. Right? Oh, yeah. What did you think I was going to say? Those inspirational posters where it's like, together, everyone achieves more, and there's a big wave against a lighthouse for some reason. The lightning storm happening. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. And there's one morning you wake up, and it's just fog.

Like, there's just a fog bank right behind the edge of the pillars, and only at the edge of the pillars. Wow. So it looks like a cube? Kind of. Whoa. Like, it's just a wall of fog. And then a few hours later, it's gone. Like, there's a lot of very strange, inclement weather that only seems to affect the area within the pillars. Whoa. Yeah. Do we ever see anything in there as we're walking?

I mean, you see the fog, you might see what you think to be a shape far off in the pillars if you're looking. Ving's been doing dips. Oh, he's been dipping. Communing dips. Okay. Yeah. What has Ving been hoping to achieve with the dips? The Thunderbird seeking dips. Right. Okay. Okay. So is this a communion of whispers? Yes. Like, are you trying to… Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Yeah.

He's been doing it like, you know, as they plot along. How long do we think it is to Crystal Bay? Three, four days? Yeah. Cool. Okay. So we'll give you one, like, roll for that whole period of time. Okay. Yeah. So give me that. So communion of whispers. When you spend time in a place making note of its resident spirits and calling on the spirits of the land, roll plus wisdom. So 2d6 plus your wisdom modifier. All right. Eight. Eight. Okay.

On a seven to nine, you are granted a vision, but the vision. Is unclear. It's meaning murky. So you're, you're trying to get a vision of the. Yeah. He's trying to track down a Thunderbird because he had that one vision that was very, uh, exhilarating. Lifted him out of his depression and it showed him that maybe there is a Thunderbird that gave him hope to someday see one, let alone meet the king or head of the Thunderbirds. Lord of the Thunderbirds. Cool. Clap of the Thunderbirds. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.! Is that what they're called? That's a collection of them. It's a disease that some of them get. Clap. Every once in a while they get thunderclap. Yeah. It's terrible. What do we do? Ving was hoping, possibly, maybe thinking that at some point the Thunderbird, if not a Thunderbird, would become his spirit animal. I thought those rats were your spirit animal. Why am I smoking all this fish? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So Ving goes down to the beach. It's nighttime. You've all gone to sleep. And it's sort of like, I'll go take watch. I'll make sure that nothing weird happens. And here's what I kind of imagine you doing for communing purposes is you go down, you breathe deep in the water, and then you hold your breath, and you sit, kneeling on the beach in the surf with the water brushing against your waist.

You're sitting in the water with the water in your lungs. You're breathing and using it to commune and connect with the spirits of the water. And you're granted a vision of moving through the clouds, moving through the pillars. Great wing beats, but not as powerful as the wing beats that you saw in the previous vision. Sounds like the clap. It's new. It's unsure. It's trying really hard, but learning. As you're watching through these eyes, the clouds break.

You pass a couple pillars and the clouds break, and you just see the coastline stretching out before you. You see waves on waves. You hear a call. You feel a pull towards a certain point on the beach. You move towards that spot. League after league of water rushing past underneath you. You see a figure at the water's edge, and you know that that's the figure that's calling to you. You fly forward and you flap unsurely, but you alight in the water.

Being a Thunderbird, which are very large, you're standing on the water's edge in front of this figure. You fly forward and you flap unsurely, but you alight in the water. You fly forward and you flap unsurely, but you alight in the water.

You're kneeled on the coast and there's like a connection you're like this is the one this is the one and ving opens his eyes and lets the water like rush out of his gills and standing before you is an adolescent thunderbird wow it's not moving it's scared it's got that like sideways head yep like it's looking at you from the side and it's kind of dipping back and forth ving takes some of the water that's coming out of his gills and as it's sparkling with phosphorescence and then he offers it to the thunderbird and tries and just offers his hand to the thunderbird and since this is like a seven to nine not a ten uh the bird steps forward very anxiously dips down its massive head like nips a little bit of water out of your hand but it feels like your palm touch its beak and it lets out a squawk and it opens its wings and it's it flies away throw the water on it I throw the water on oh you're trying to do an eye of the tiger I have the tag okay you're gonna have to give me a roll to make this work so this isn't do not for eye of the tiger you're gonna this is gonna have to be a defy danger yeah so 2d6 plus dexterity oh yeah oh yeah 10 oh yeah uh so the the phosphorescent water of the sea of graves splashes like on its tail feathers and it it takes to the air and flies and quick as a wink it just makes up the space between the coast and the pillars and it dives into the clouds and it's gone and quick as a wink I can see from his eyes what did the thunderbird look like uh it looked kind of like a mixture between like an eagle and a crow uh and its feathers are like the color of rain clouds wow purpley green black yeah it's like got a long like black beak and long sharp talons it's also kind of fluffy because it's an adolescent so it's young so it's still got like down in some spots but it's huge like that how huge as an adolescent it was probably maybe 12 feet tall oh like thunderbirds get at like because you look at it and knowing animals you're like that is a young bird like maybe just outside of a fledgling so adult thunderbirds must be fucking huge can they have white on them yeah I imagine their heads being like kind of white but like street like the lawn or gold yeah I imagined a gemstone in the middle of their heads who knows it's an adolescent maybe it's gemstone hasn't come in yet oh they carve runes with their beaks that's yeah they're like woodpeckers but they have an instinctive understanding of the runes they carve it into the pillars of the sea of graves old ones get them carved into their beaks and stuff here's the thing ving is that happens and it's gone through the clouds and the wall of clouds like that and it's like a little bit of a wall of clouds and it's like a wall of clouds like that and it's like a little bit of a wall of clouds like that and it's like a like settles again yeah and you open your eyes again and you think did that happen did I actually meet this bird did I mark this bird or was this part of the vision that the sea granted me cool and that's how you pass the rest of the night wondering what happened to me and as you're as you're sitting there wondering is this was that true was that real uh lightning cracks inside inside the wall of clouds and you see a shadow flitting off into the pillars and then in the background you hear a sound of a bird and you're like oh my god I'm so scared and then in the background you hear a sound of a bird and you're like oh my god I'm so scared is it pharrell I guess mirrors is so awake we need to find some wd-40 route like yeah we we used the last of billy's lard he really went through it mirrors I don't have a lot of this left you gotta slow down buddy uh okay yeah so trying we're going through so many issues of mud affairs they're just getting obliterated by a metal hand just torn apart and nobody has anything else that they're trying to achieve on the road is there a traveler's shrine next to the yes yeah yep you it's another little box with the compass rose carved on it and coins and various sundry bits stacked up on there uh are there guitar strings no okay well I leave my guitar strings cool they're all ripped maybe somebody needs them maybe somebody needs some kind of wire yeah like a little garrotte for tiny little assassin for a little baby assassin yeah a baby that is an assassin is there anything good that I could take there's coins what kind of coins you see a couple of coins from a call some of the silver coins that you think are from the frozen north you see some coins that might be like elf currency there's a single obsidian coin underneath some other coins like it's kind of buried you're looking around you're like I wonder if it is that and you wipe some coins away and yeah it's an obsidian coin with an eye on it yeah I'll take that one okay so now you've got two you put it next to your other one yeah in the in the amulet yeah a lot of room in that amulet yeah I got those two coins I got picture of horse picture a woman and picture of shathane's wife's face and it's getting pretty full it's getting pretty full it's hard to close it's got an elastic band around it so it doesn't pop open um yeah and you've started passing a lot more people like there's other carts and there's people walking hey what's your name I don't know timbo how's it going hey timbo hey what's your name thing my name is ving nice you got a real elfie look about you well gotta go okay bye and that's how timbo passes his time just telling people what species they look like race he thinks they are is timbo an old man does he work in an airport yeah part of the tsa the timbo species association yeah it's a little club I started um I identify different species elf halfling when he looks at tuck he's like other who who else do we see on the road you see like a line of carts one is very uh elaborate looking I go to them okay they're like moving like everybody's moving well I just step in front and they kind of go hey get out of the move it and they kind of turn around wait wait where are you guys going we're going to crystal bay we're going to crystal bay like everybody where are you going also crystal bay okay do you have a cart who are your parents they're over there yeah what are you guys doing uh I am trying back flips again and what's ving doing uh he's riding francis yeah he's holding on to the firm riding it like look at me and perel is sitting on the cart with his head in his hands yeah and mirrors is in the back like just like I don't know what's going on with him he's like I don't know what's going on with me and perel is just throwing a potato up and down in the air and the person on the cart is like maybe go get get back to your family then oh can we get a ride you have a cart but yours is so nice okay fine hop up and they reach a hand down thank you and then they pull you up next to them on like the driver's board wow it's so plush is this velvet it is velvet don't run your hands on it you're gonna ruin it okay what uh what's what's your name my name's fat billy what's your name uh fuck me uh hold no no no hold on hold on I got one john turr jaunter jaunter jaunter I'm jaunter nice to meet you john it nope first name jaunter oh all right I'm I'm jaunter and this is the dawson creek theater society whoa what yeah oh my god yeah you might have you maybe you've heard of us maybe not but uh you know we're just on our way to crystal bay to uh you know ply our trade here the coronet is going on out there so we're trying to trying to hook up with that scene whoa what play are you guys doing uh we've got a play about a um a troubled young man who lives in a small town the show is named his his name's dawson and uh yeah it's just kind of his trials and tribulations with his like relationship and stuff I've been working on it for a couple years now I look behind me where's tuck and ving they're behind you I'm picking up rocks and I'm trying I'm like talking to ving I'm like I I'm gonna try and get this as far as I can into the ocean oh do you want to put away to this put some money on it yeah put money on it sure uh you have to give me your helping of dinner tonight okay uh how far I think I can get it in the ocean how far are we away from the ocean about 50 meters away yeah because you're like on a trail you could do that no problem 150 feet it is 150 feet yeah uh yeah I could do that so you're defying danger strength 2d6 plus your strength modifier wow I'm gonna elementary math mastery the rock when I got six already so he got six but I'm still going to allow you to elemental yep eight plus ten so I want the rock to come back at his balls as fast as he can uh so you get to choose you're choosing two for elemental mastery yeah effect comes to pass you don't have to do that you don't have to do that you don't have to do that you don't pay nature's price or you retain control I don't want to retain control hell yeah so what I'm imagining is that it does he throws it and it hits the sand it doesn't get to the water and then like the sand like it bows down like it pushes the sand in front of it and then it becomes sort of like a high lie scoop and just whips it right back and it hits tuck full on in the nuts uh and then the sand like starts picking up all over the beach and is just whipping rocks at all the time the travelers that can see so tuck gets hit in the nuts and goes oh no I go down pretty fast and then he gets hit again like wham in the nuts no just another rock okay that's fine billy take cover I fucked up again but look at this do I roll for damage uh I mean yeah you want to what's the damage day d8 you're holding a d8 my man five five damage and then francis gets nailed by like a smaller rock and goes like and starts trying to trot away and then he's like oh my god I'm gonna and he's like oh my god I'm gonna go away and pearl's like what did you do and he dives into the back of the cart and mirrors is like what's happening clang smack smack smack smack and the jaunter looks back and a rock like whizzes through the cloth covering of his cart and he's like oh no no no no no he's got four horses and he whips the whole thing and he goes go and all the carts oh shit I don't know who you are I have to get off this thing does billy jump off yeah okay defy danger dexterity four uh you hit the ground and then a rock sails over and just nails you right in the back and yeah the cart tears off behind you and there's like they were with it was that cart and then like three other carts and they are all just making a mad dash as these rocks sail through the air uh what are you guys doing oh I'm laughing so hard uh tuck is on the ground I'm still on the ground okay billy is like dodging rocks basically I'm doing a good job yeah doing a great job um well you're laying on the ground and they're not quite reaching you I'm doing a great job francis is like moving now like he's picking up speed with his stubby little legs uh you're about to get hit by a rock tubing so what do you do I uh use my spear and wield it with great might uh windmill spear 2d6 plus strength I guess to like smash it away nine nine like a foul ball yeah ricochets and hits tuck in the nuts yeah you not you like it comes at you and you're like oh my god I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry no give me a d4 because it was deflected so it's not coming as fast as it was seven I said d4 do you want to take seven damage two okay yeah so you get nailed right again uh but it's it hurts a lot but not so much you fall over again oh I I'm like do I take any damage for laughing so hard now You're a little distracted for sure.

But you have Billy in hand and Tuck, are you getting up or what? Yeah, I'm limping. Okay. And that area of the beach that the spirits had been like, this is pretty fun. You finally get away from and they're trying, but the rocks can't get far enough at a certain point. So I guess I owe you my dinner. You can have it. That was worth it. You're going to need some food. And the rest of the day passes. Thankfully, uneventfully, no more pieces of the beach attempt to destroy Tuck's genitals.

And you… Except for all the sand that's like trapped in there. It's like rubbing. Grinding in like crevices. Yeah. Keep dusting it out, but there's like more. I think I put more in when I dusted out. Yeah, it's all the moisture is trapping it. You just travel throughout the day. The sun starts to set. It's very beautiful. For some reason, the sun sets here just nicer. It seems like the clouds are more colorful right now. It's just at the edge of the clouds in the fog bank.

It's glinting off the pillars in a nice way. And you realize that in certain parts of the water, now that you're closer to Crystal Bay, you see large crystals poking out of the water in certain places. And the sun's glinting off those creating this very nice shimmering effect. And there are a ton of people here and everybody seems to be coming for something. As the sun starts to go down, just it's not full night, but you can see the coronet arcing through the sky.

The coronet, as we've described before, I think is a shattered moon that arrives in the area of the solar system infrequently, but has recently come back. So it's just this like beautiful, shining, shattered moon, the sun setting the light glinting off the crystals. And the town of Crystal Bay is before you.

There's like clusters of buildings and homes further off on the edge of the, this really beautifully lit bay lit from above by the sun and the moon and below by crystals that push out of the waves. What are the houses like? What style are the houses? I think Jessica said they were like cabins, like log ish. Cool. With crystals. Yeah. With crystals integrated into the construction. And so much glass from the crystals. Yeah. Colored. Lots of colored glass as well. Yeah.

Like nice colorful sculptures made out of carved crystal. And it's just a very beautiful town. Do we have, do we have a reservation? Oh no. Oh no. Is it like, is it an old man? Here's you say that. And he said, well, if you don't got one, you ain't going to get one. I'll tell you that much. Who are you? Oh, me. I'm just a townsman. And he leaves. Come back. What's your name? Pete. Yeah, it's Pete. That's my name. Short for Peter burb. And I just live here.

You came to crystal Bay during the Coronetta and you didn't make a reservation. Is there like a Coronetta festival or something? You have a, the move wide wanderer. Don't you? Oh yeah. I took that. Why never used it? New you. I'm going to take your sheet for a second. Can you just play my character for me? Oh my God. So the town, this is something that you've been able to do for seasons. Yeah.

You've traveled the wild world world over when you arrive someplace, literally any place, ask the GM about any important traditions, rituals, and so on. And they'll tell you what you need to know. I would like to know if there's some kind of ritual to convince a woman to have sex with you. Uh, courting in crystal Bay. You would know that like there's a courting ritual that involves bringing a carved crystal figurine to the person that you love.

That is something that, you know, you get a crystal figurine carved for them. Hold on. And then I run down, I grab a rock. I run down to the water and you see me smashing one of the crystals. That's, uh, protruding out of the water. Oh, the ax. Okay. Yeah. I take the ax. Okay. No, hold on. I just want to make this clear. You created an ax with me. We talked about an ax that you have that magically smashes any rock. And you were like, I need to break a rock. What should I use?

How about just a rock? I found. So we're all watching this. He's smashing it with a stone. An ax, bud. Your ax. Oh, yeah. And just whack. You lop right through it. And then I'm going to use the, the commune, how to commune with like the communion one, the blood God. Yeah. For the blood God to commune with the rocks in a way where they'll tell me what the traditions of this area are. No, you just know. Cause you came through here. You've traveled.

That's why, you know, communing with Larry, Terry, and Chad is like a different thing. What is it? Let me do. Maybe we'll have it on your sheet. Maybe. Maybe they'll give you tips on how to get bone. Maybe I'll look at your sheet because apparently this is the job that I have. You're initiated in the old ways. The ways of sacrifice. That's the wrong sheet. I have the right one. I'm going to kick you off this podcast. I am Sean O'Hara. I'll be your sheet looker.

When you sacrifice those things as per your rights and rituals, the way that we've. So are, do you want to do for the blood God tips dating? This doesn't, this isn't really the situation. Fair. I would use this move for. Okay. So what if I use it? Why wanderer? What if I use for the blood God to create a sculpture? That's not what it does. What if we got past the entrance of the town? Figure out what is going on right now that we can meet human ladies. We can use a wide wanderer. So ladies.

So is that what, is that what Tuck's thinking now that he's come to town with this festival? Yeah. You know what? I'm kind of thinking. A thing has had sex so many times and I'm kind of jealous. Yeah. And it's like beach town, like party festival vibe. It's definitely something that follows a coronet around. Yeah. Oh yeah. Totally. Fuck vibes. Yeah. Oh yeah. Well, yeah, I think it's sort of a thing where like if you, if you conceive a child during the coronetta, it's like really auspicious.

Yeah. So that's another thing to know is yeah. So people in crystal Bay, have these crystal sculptures that they get made, which is sort of like an engagement ring. It's like, I want to be with you, but also everywhere in the world when the coronet is in the sky, it's like, if you conceive a baby during the coronet, that baby is going to be fucking crazy. It's going to be such a good baby. So a lot of people are trying to make babies during this time. Cool. It's a double edged sword for me.

Yeah. Don't want, don't want a baby, but want the everything pre. Yeah. That's fine. Cause they want the baby. Yeah. Cause you want to keep moving on. So Peter verb is telling thing and Billy all that, I guess. If you want to have a baby during the coronet, Oh boy, what a great baby. That's going to be my, my cousin was conceived during the coronet and he's a prince. And my other cousin was born two days after piece of shit, just a garbage person. I hate that piece of garbage.

How's your brother become or cousin become a prince, but you didn't get to also be a prince. Well, in some parts of the, of the principalities, princes in, in an elected position. Shit. Yeah. But also Billy language. Also, also something, something that should be that. I think we've talked about briefly the princes of each principality, that Royal family is like birth, but also adopted. Like the Royal family is like a mishmash of people that the queen of the time, like adopted. Wow. Yeah.

So there's actually, there's actually one Prince quote unquote that I think is two people. Like it's like twins. And this, these twins are the Prince of this, this one region. I don't know which one. Cool. All right. Um, what if I know that you said something about if we don't have reservations, we can't stay here, but like if, if what's the best option for us to sleep and like eat food. Oh, like what would be the best place to go to? Yeah. Oh yeah.

So maybe, because maybe some travelers got held up on the road. Absolutely. Tuck. And I start like fading back. Into the road. Like maybe if we just go hold somebody up, somebody for their hotel reservation. Hell yeah. Well, if you want to go to the nicest place, not that you could, cause they're all full up. You want to go to the Emerald hotel and spa. It's the nicest hotel in all of crystal Bay. Okay, cool. Thanks. Okay. All right. Thanks. Good luck finding somewhere to stay.

And, uh, so you leave and Perel's like, we have a magic tent. Yeah. But also, yeah, I think Billy and I are on the same page here. Yeah. We can set the tent up in the hotel room. Yeah. Stay for years. Yeah. Yeah. You squatters, right? Squatters, right? Squatters, right? Squatters, right? Squatters, right? Squatters, right? Squatters, right? Right. So you find yourself in the middle of town, uh, and you see the Emerald hotel and spa before you. It's beautiful. It's multiple stories.

I want to know Tuck's idea. I, oh yeah. So we're, we, here's my, my, here's your idea. And we do a classic clear water break in scenario. Yes. We'll go to the fucking Emerald lobby where we lure the concierge away. Fucking beat the shit out of them. I'll take his clothes. I'll put it on. Or one of us. Yeah. Or me. And then I'll put on his clothes and then I'll come out to the front area and I'll get someone's reservation.

And then, and then I'll, we'll just take it and then we'll go and check in with it. Wait, so why do you need to dress up as the concierge? Cause so they'll give me the reservation. Reservation is like a paper or something, right? Yeah. But so wouldn't you get it from the person with the reservation? Yeah. Instead of beating up. Give it to a concierge. The reservation is a physical object. Yeah. It's like a paper with like a seal and everything. I mean, yeah.

Tuck knows that cause he's, he's passed by crystal Bay before. Wide wanderer. Also have disguise. So I could pretend to be someone with the reservation. I was going to say. You can be like the bell boy. No. Who's the sidekick to the concierge. I'm a shape shifter. I can turn into the fanciest person in town and take their penthouse. Sweet. Totally. But you have to kidnap them first. So a second concierge. Where's that guy? Jaunter. Jaunter? Oh, where's the DeSomme Creek Theater Society? Yeah.

You don't see them in the school. Actually, you do see someone, in the same sort of like livery. Is that how you pronounce that? Yeah. Library. Library. No, it's livery. But that's also where horses live. No, a stable is where. Yeah. You fucking idiot. Yeah. So you see somebody in the livery of the, of the DeSomme Creek Theater Society in the middle of town, like at a stage. Cause they're kind of setting up the stage that they're going to be performing on. Okay. Well, why don't here give me.

Pick up. What's it? What do I have? Perel. Yeah. Give me like papers. Do you have papers? Like just paper? Yeah. Uh, yeah, I think so. And he rifles around in his satchel and he pulls out some sheets of paper. Give me these papers. And I go up to that guy. And he's just like, you know, pinning up a bunting on a, on a stick. Hey, do you know, uh, I've got a delivery of a script for just some, just some, what is his name? Who? John. Some. John. John. John. John. John. John. John. John. John. John.

Yeah. It's a script delivery for him. He's the writer. Why would he need a script delivery? I don't fucking know. You piece of shit. Don't talk down to me. Whoa. I'll fucking kill you. Whoa. Cool. It buddy. Let me see that script. Hey, no, this is for just psalms. Eyes only. Okay. You're going to have to do something to convince him. Cause he's like, you've made, he was fine. And now he's like aggressive.

Oh, yeah I'll parlay with him now hold on let me what's the plan here I'm gonna get him to tell me where they're staying yeah okay you just want to find out where they're staying yeah alright yeah I guess roll defy danger charisma like are you trying to just yell at him until he tells you what you want to know yeah I think so yeah instead of like parlaying like being like diplomatic you're just like tell me information well yeah I've tried to be diplomatic with the script delivery absolutely but then he was immediately talking down to me well you said hey where's jazam I have to give him something I don't remember his name I'm sure Billy told it to you like 15 seconds ago jaunter yeah okay if you tell me where jazam is how about this I won't fucking nail your feet to the stage just you could 10 11 oh my god he just goes like alright you know what I've got to set up the stage I'm tired of this bullshit jaunter is where everybody else in the theater society is we're staying in the carts at the edge of town oh okay yeah where else would we be I don't know okay thanks nail nail nail nail nail I go back to these guys aren't they celebrities where are they staying they're staying in fucking carts on the edge of town theater yeah that they're gonna stay at the emerald yeah we thought these boys were going to stay at the emerald poor minstrels were going to stay in the nicest hotel in town yeah they had velvet cushions and four horses it was velour they're traveling bards well let's go to the emerald yeah let's just go to the emerald we'll figure out when we get there just like always guys oh it's so nice in here it's luxurious the lobby alone the furniture is so well made everything's kind of got like a deep green color to it there's green velvet satin the wallpaper's green there's some lamps with like green kind of crystal looking shades it's very green it's so green in here so green looks like a Christmas song oh my god and the concierge is behind the desk and he's wearing a green suit and he's got a green pin on oh I didn't even see you standing there yeah you kind of just blend in with the background that is how we like it at the emerald hotel and spa welcome hi hi I'm the concierge what's your name Rebecca Rebecca my name is Rebecca yes how did you know my name is Rebecca enchambé concierge what can I do for you we would like a room please oh I'm so sorry sir we are full up also you seem to be he has a reservation you have a reservation ah well please and he holds out his hand I grab that piece of paper that Tuck was holding and I put some golden root on it oh okay may as well give it a shot give me a defy danger dexterity to see if you can do it quickly and surreptitiously a nine nine okay we aid yeah you definitely could yeah to a ten so he's got yeah he's got nine right now so how are Ving or Tuck gonna aid oh just pick me up someone pick me up yeah pick him up okay so 26 plus Bon oh yeah ten oh that's the stuff Rebecca I have the reservation here ah oh thank you young man and he takes the thing in his hand and he looks at it and goes oh this is not this is not a reservation my good boy I'm so sorry we're full up but I think that I can I think I can probably help you in what way sir we might be able to find a room we hold on to something here we're gonna go to the the room for uh for visiting uh people of importance oh and you will find we are very important people and he laughs he goes oh yes of course of course of course we'll keep this on the download just between me and my new friends you're gosh darn right we're friends okay so who who will it'll be for you three and and this gentleman he is with us as well and that gentleman over there they're both behind Tuck and then go we're here to help you out we're here to help you out we're here to help you out and this large pig we will find a space for your pig in the stables perhaps wonderful wonderful great let me and he snaps his fingers and a bellhop rolls up when like a little green vest and he's like yes and he's like please find some space for that pig in our stables goes right away sir and he rushes out and grabs Francis and Francis trots off happily bye Francis and Francis is like goodbye see you on the morrow my friend you're gonna love it I cannot wait I can only imagine the fine grasses they have for me oh man I want a full report oh but of course but you guys hear like and Rebecca's like okay come with me and he takes you up too many flights of stairs and opens you up into a very nice suite there's like two rooms each room has some beds in it there's a little there's a private bathroom which is a closet mine calls the stamps there's no erasers touch green to make it true it's fine I didn't want it anyway and Perel walks into the room like he's gonna like he's afraid it's gonna run away and he's just like oh my god and he touches the bed and his hand sinks in a little bit and he goes ew stop it it's so soft and he slowly lays down on it and is just like ha ha ha ha ha You'll be alright.

Why are you reacting like this? Do you not like the room? And he looks at you, Billy, and he's got tears in his eyes and he's like, I love it. He like, falls asleep. Like, he's just asleep. And Rebecca's like, I take it that everything is to your liking? Yes! Wonderful. Then I will allow you to settle in. I'm going to give him a piece of gold. Thank you very much. Give him a piece of gold. Thank you so much. And he tucks it into his pocket. Welcome to the Emerald. We hope you enjoy your stay.

If you need new towels, just throw the old towels into the hallway. And please feel free to enjoy some of the amenities. We have a spa. We have a miniature tetherball court. Oh, cool. And we have the Ruby restaurant downstairs. The restaurant and bar. And you know what? And he hands you a little chit. And he's like, your first meal is on me. Thank you for staying. Thank you, Rebecca. You're quite welcome. Let me know if you need anything at all. And he backs out through the door and closes it.

Sorry for that accent. I just thought it would work better. It did. Yeah, it worked great. And now you have a room at the Emerald. Woo! What does it look like? Tell me. Like, I'm going to go discern the realities. Yeah, it's a really nice room. The beds are really soft. Perel seems to have claimed one of them. There is a private bathroom. Everything's really green. There's some nice gas lamps in here. There's actually an electric light, too. Like, you flip a switch and the light comes on.

You're like, what the fuck is this? There's another room that's connected that has two beds. I'm going to go claim my bed. I grab a pillow off the bed and I jump on the floor. This is mine. Sweet. Yeah. So what's your plan now? We're not really good at being relaxed. I feel like we're going to find ourselves. That was another mission, but we'll try to relax. So do you go down to, like, check the facility out? I would love to check out that spa. Yeah. Oh, let's go to the spa. Let's go to the spa.

Okay, yeah. The spa is, you know, it's got pools, like, saltwater soaking pools where you soak in the waters of Crystal Bay. And they're heated a little bit, but it's just, like, it's very mineral rich in the bay. So people from all around love, like, soaking in the water here. There's different kind of skin treatments. There's, like, a lot of different things. There's, like, a lot of different things. There's massage. There's pinball machines. There's a pinball machine.

There's, like, a mud hut. Yep, there's a mud hut. What happens in the mud hut? Nobody knows. There's steam coming out of it. And only one person a day is allowed in there. Whoa, cool. And they do ayahuasca. And there's also… There's a gel pit. Whoa. You can just go swim in the gel. You can float in the gel. Cool. And hang out in it. That's amazing. Yeah, what are you guys doing at the spa? I'm going to get a massage and talk about myself to the masseuse. Nice.

I think I'm just going to hang out in the hot pools. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, like the heated saltwater. Yeah. Cool. Is it clothing optional? It's always… That's what I say, and then I take my pants off before anyone says anything. And thankfully, there are… It is clothing optional. Cool. It's everybody in here is nude. Oh, cool. Yeah. And I'm just like, oh, I think I must have been stung by a porn scorpion. And nobody's making a… They're just like, we get it. It's a nude pool, whatever.

What's Billy doing? Billy is going to get a facial. Nice. Just get some sort of skin treatment, like get a bunch of mud slathered on there. Yeah, he thought it was like… Because they're all different colors, so he thought it was like a pudding kind of place. Yeah. So he ate a bunch of them? No, he's like, he's lying up thinking it's a pudding thing. Then they put you in a chair and put some mud on your face? Yeah, I'm like, well, this must happen before the pudding.

Billy's just laying there getting pampered. Yeah. What's your name, I say, through the cucumbers? My name's Trimian. What's your name? My name's Fat Billy. Do you have more dry skin, more oily skin, like a combination? I can't tell through all the mud. Okay, well, let me… And she like rubs some mud off your face. Like some dirt off your face. And she's like, oily. So we'll go with a nice oily skin treatment. This is going to really clean you up. It'll open your pores a lot. Oh, my God.

Is that safe? It's absolutely normal. Don't worry. Pores open and close naturally. So… Yeah, you'll be fine. Okay? And she starts just doing this really… And it feels really nice. Wow. Yeah, you feel your skin is being like soothed. You're so good as Trimbley. Trimian. But thank you so much. Thank you so much. I did go to school for this. Wow. Yeah. Crystal Bay has a large aesthetic school that is…

Most of the people that work in the spa here graduated from the Crystal Bay School of Aesthetics. What's school like? It sounds fun. Oh, you know, it's expensive. Oh. Yeah, but you meet a lot of people. You make a lot of good connections. Wow. And every once in a while, someone's taken away to the caves and we never see them again. Oh, what? That's just part of the game. Anyways, close your eyes. Don't try and speak too much. Okay. Put some stuff on your face. And Ving is getting massaged.

And then I think my dad killed her. Wow. That sounds tough. There's just a guy named, like, Doug. It's just Doug. And he's really going nuts on your shoulders. Yeah. Big, strong hands. Big, burly guy. Bit of a gut on him. Yeah. That sounds tough, man. So what are you going to do about that? I don't know. I don't know. What do you think? What's your relationship like with your dad? It's okay. But I know that if he killed my mom, I'd probably try and kill him. You know what it is?

I just want to let it go. You know? Like, all these… Knots in my back. Yeah. You got a lot of tension in here. Also, I don't massage a lot of half elves. The hell is that supposed to mean? I just mean, like… I'm just trying to make sure that all these bones are supposed to be here. You know what I mean? Like, I'm feeling some weird stuff. Do you want me to work on these gills? No. You can leave the gills alone. Oh, thank God. Thank you. Thank you for saying that. Just below the gills.

Just below the gills. Okay. The neck's pretty tight. Yeah. Well, you know, if you want to forget all about your worries, I'd head down to the Ruby. They got a drink that'll put you right under. You won't remember anything, you know, until you want to. Oh, I've been trying to abstain, but that sounds nice. I am on vacation. You write any excuse, I'll do it. Thank you. No problem. Cool. Thanks, man. And Tuck is in the news. I started a chicken fight competition. Oh, and people are into it. Yeah.

The whole pool's going crazy. So, Tuck has who on his shoulders? It's a pretty big guy named Ron. Mm-hmm. And he's also nude. Everybody's nude. Yeah. It's not weird. Everybody's just nude. No, it's just his ding-a-ling is really pushing into the back of my head. It's actually laying, like, on your shoulder. It's a rat tail. You can feel it. That's just how it is. Yeah. And who are you competing against? Two women. Mm-hmm. One named Jade. Mm-hmm. And the other one named Jane. Yeah.

So, Jade the Orc from McCall. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So, Jane, her sister, the human from McCall. Sister? Huge. Adopted. Oh, okay. There we go. She was adopted into an Orc family. Cool. I guess that's why she's so big. Because she just worked out a lot as a kid? Raised on Orc milk. Yeah. Yeah. She was breastfed by an Orc, which just made her huge. Yeah. That's cool. I like that. That's so cool. Yeah. So, that's what's going on. Yeah.

So, you're going to have to give me a Defy Danger Strength. And the way Chicken Fight works in this world is the people on the bottom are fucking slugging it out hard. Nice. And the people on the top are wrestling? Yeah. So, it's like a regular Chicken Fight, but the people on the bottom are allowed to hit the people on the bottom? The people on the top are, yeah, they're kind of like pushing each other.

And the people on the bottom, when they get close enough, they like are fucking just nailing each other. All right. Cool. So, I guess the Orc is on the bottom. Yeah. The Orc and then the humans on the top. Yeah. Wrestling Ron. Okay. 2d6 plus strength. Whoa. Fuck. Two sixes. 15. So, 12. 14. 14. Jesus Christ. I think it's like through the water, you're like moving really slow, but like inexorably. And then the two top hit, it just goes like boom. Like you both lock in place.

It's a really intense thing. Yeah. Everybody's like quiet. Yeah. Because they're like, this is the lead up. But the band is playing like that Star Wars fight music. That's Star Trek. Yeah. That's what I meant. Yeah. I thought you meant Duel of the Fates. It could be that too. Yeah. And you and Jade are like boxing at the bottom. Like, it's just like, she hits you really hard in the face and you're like, okay, we're fucking playing now. I'm bleeding. You're bleeding out of your mouth.

It's running into your beard. Into the pool. Yeah. And she gives you a couple of good ones.

You give her a couple good ones and um then you see she like leans forward just as ron like yanks so uh she gets pulled just a little bit off step and you just crack her right in the jaw and she starts going down and jane's like no no no like on top and then ron is just like he just pushes them both down and ron is like screaming something at his kids in his mind because he's like this he's like a middle-aged guy he got sent here because he got the best sales in his company exactly that's what he told me before we started yeah and I was like I don't know that I want you for a partner and chicken fight and he's like no I have a lot to prove you think just because terry's your stepdad he's your real dad I don't think so he just he screams as he pushes uh jade and jane down I'm your dad dad dad!

And uh then he he throws both his fists in the air and goes I'm your dad and the crowd's like yeah yeah and the crowd starts chanting dad dad dad dad and and uh ron's like crying with his fists in the air and it cuts to you guys on the edge of the pool all shaking hands like and jade's like wow that was a really great fight thank you so much we both have two black eyes yeah jane's like missing like you chipped part of her tusk like you snapped part of her tusk up like wow that was fucked up I hadn't had a fight that good since I came over from a call thank you so much yeah it's good to meet people from uh home it is so nice can I get a hug yeah yeah and her and jane give you a hug and they're like call forever yeah yeah what's the thing that people from a call say to each other uh don't let the world serpent get you so on the nose for a second yeah don't get eaten by a big snake you know what I'm saying yeah I'm not gonna let you get eaten by a big snake you know what I'm saying I mean how about like uh step clear because that's like used to be like step clear of the world serpent step quick yeah step quick yeah yeah and they give you that like roman like grip your forearms and they're both like step quick yeah step quick yeah and then they go off and do their own thing and billy you've come out you've got mud all over your face you're wearing like a face mask and you see tuck and a bunch of nude people just kind of hanging out oh I put my cucumbers back on my eyes they wouldn't want me to see you see this and you see billy on the side of the thing with cucumbers over his eyes and mud on his face just kind of wandering around with his hands up yeah touch a lot of calves and butts oh sorry like no I tell you it's fine it's mostly top leg with yeah yeah nice and ving you come out of the out of the restaurant with a couple of the ruby drop shops oh yeah yeah you guys gotta try one of these are you drunk the guy my favorite buddy guy with the soft big hands told me about the sips and I got two too many and guys we can have them yeah no I will I walk up everybody have them okay his eyes are going in different circles like it's a lot it's too much so does tuck just take both of them I dump one oh yeah no philly we'll get you oat milk we'll get you real I leave oh billy walks away yeah billy do you not want real milk no okay where does billy go the pool oh he's just right here he just gets in the pool yeah billy's being difficult but once you're swimming around you're like this woman's pretty fun yeah and I wash the mud off yeah it's a nice time just two cucumbers float away from me yeah yeah can't believe they didn't give me any puddings oh food that's a great idea guys we need to go for dinner oh I come back so yeah where are you guys planning on going for dinner the ruby sucks the food sucks the drinks are amazing the food was gross hey trim blow yeah what can I do for you uh where would you suggest we get dinner you don't want to go to the ruby no it's a tourist trap where do the locals eat tourist trap there we go that's what I was waiting for you guys are cool right you want to go check if you want to go check out a nice local place uh it's it's called the beached whale it's down by the water it's kind of a place where you can go and eat a ton of şu şu şu şu şu şu just a little bit out of the square, you'll know it when you see it.

Sounds delicious. That's where I'd go. Cool. Thank you. Have a good day. Bye. Yeah, so if you guys are heading to the beach whale, cool. So you walk through town and stuff's starting to pick up. It's getting pretty wild in the square. The coronet is right above. It's night. It's night. Almost. So interesting question because you realize, Ving, you probably realize it a bit more because you're sort of more in tune with the natural cycles. The sun should have gone down by now.

It's refracting all the crystals. That's what you think. Yeah. But it's kind of weird that it's not fully night yet. Weird. Yeah. So you head through town and it looks like the DeSomme Creek players have set up their stage. They're not performing yet, but they're getting ready and people are just dancing and there's live music and there's a juggler. There's a guy that's just throwing hedgehogs in the air. Everybody's having a wild time.

But you pass through that and you go and you find, down by the water, there's a place that is pretty nicely made but looks kind of old and you realize that the building is built inside the ribcage of a whale. So cool. Whoa. The ribcage is integrated into the construction of the building. It doesn't look like a whale or anything like that, but you're like, those are fucking bones. This place is just made of bones. Cool. With wood and plaster in between. It stinks in here, but this is cool. Yeah.

And the sign above is like, it looks like a whale stretched out. It's just a wooden cutout of a whale. Yeah. Yeah, you go in and it's a pretty quiet place. There's some regulars, it looks like, but just like a good, looks like everybody's having really nice food. Nice. And there's like a bar and there's some people drinking and chatting. There's some ladies, Tuck. Okay. They look like they're on the prowl. Ooh. Ooh. Hey, look over there. That's what Billy's doing. Yeah. What's Billy looking at?

There's a roast that's being carved. Yeah. Hey, Tuck, look over there. Yeah. Just beyond the ladies. Yeah. It's like, oh yeah, and Billy's like, yum, yum, roast. Yeah. Yeah. And they do, gravy too. Yeah. My favorite food. There's somebody playing a mandolin in the corner, so there's nice music. Tuck, do you want to go talk to those ladies? Oh, you know what? I'm going to just hang out over here for a while. Yeah. Mm-hmm. That's cool. And then I'll go over there later. Sure. Whatever, man.

Either or. I will. I'll do it. Just I'll do it later. Yeah, for sure. Because we're going to have dinner first. Yeah, we didn't even order food yet. Yeah. True. True. So yeah, the waiter, uh, a server, a server comes over and is like, what can I get you? I will have a bowl of gravy. Uh, and do you have any potatoes? Some mashed potatoes? Uh, certainly. Okay. I'll have a bowl of that too. And, uh, a bit of roast. And do you have any beet tops? Uh, just like the top of a beet?

Yeah, and the bottom too, I guess. Do we have beets? Yeah, but the whole thing. Okay, yeah. We can get you some beets. Okay. Roasted? Or just beets? Doesn't matter. Okay. Beets it is. And for you two? Uh, can I get that roast? I'll have the sunflower cheese platter. All right. Can do. So that's gonna be, um, including tax. Just a coin. Coin for everybody. There you go, my good sir.

And he, uh, heads off and a few, like a little bit later, 15, 20 minutes later, he gets some food and, uh, he comes over with the tray and he has like a mug and he puts the mug down in front of Tuck and he says compliments and he points, uh, up at the bar where there's like a, uh, um, sort of a middle-aged lady leaning against the bar and she winks at you. Okay. Well, then I am gonna go over there. Yeah, you can do it, man. You got it. Yeah, I can. Look at you, so handsome, so tall.

Yeah, thanks. And then I stand up and I, my head hits the chandelier and it goes clang, clang, clang, clang. And then I start walking over. Yeah, she's just there. She's like, hi. Hi. How are you? I'm good. My name's Tuck. My name's Dina. Dina. Dina. Did you enjoy your drink? I haven't had it yet. Oh, well. I go, I take a bunch of it. A lot of it slops down my face. A man with no inhibitions. Yeah. I like that. Thanks. A lot of people see it as a character flaw. Well, not me. Not me.

Okay, that's great. So, I'm getting really intimidated by how into me she is. Yeah, yeah. So, she's just like, okay, well, you know, what are you, what are you doing? I'm talking to you. I mean later. Oh, I, I don't know. Do you want to fuck? No. Normally, I wouldn't allow someone to be so forward. And now she's starting to get nervous a little bit. She's like, oh boy. I think that my anxiety, my anxiety is bleeding into her. Yeah, she's like, oh, um, hmm.

Uh, you know, she's looking at you like you're like huge, but she's realizing you're basically a child. Yeah, she's like, oh, um, you know what? I'm so sorry. I hope you enjoy the drink. You seem like a nice guy. Thanks. I am. I'm gonna, maybe I'm gonna, I might head out. Okay. Uh, she's like leaving. You're hot. Okay. Oh, thank you. Yeah. But, uh, maybe, maybe not. I like your bits. Okay. Well, that's, she winks a little bit, but she's like, oh, you're so young. Are you? How old are you?

I'm 27. Oh boy. Yeah. Okay. How old are you? 46. That seems normal. It's normal, but I just have a son your age. I'm realizing. Okay. Yeah. I think I'm gonna, I'm gonna go. What's your son's name? We're not gonna get into this. Goodbye. Tell me about him. Is he cool? And then she just like walks out. Does he want to hang out? And I yell after. I was like, do you want me to hang out with your son? And she leaves.

And so as she walks out, you hear like from behind you, like behind where you were standing while, while Dina was talking to you. She's like, wow, smooth. So smooth. I turn around. You always were very smooth. Whoa. Who's this? And you look into the face of Alison. Whoa. Whoa. We all got goosebumps. We all got goosebumps. We all got goosebumps. We all got goosebumps. And that's where we're going to end it for this week. My name is Sean O'Hara.

I've been your game master with me as always playing Tacoma Dome, the barbarian Abdul Aziz. Bye. Bye. Bye. Playing Fabulously the Halfling Thief, Jessica Tai. Bye everyone. And playing Ving the Druid, Paul Hoppers. Cheerios. Thanks so much to Abdul for all the editing, Wes for all the technical work, Aaron Reed for all the music, all our amazing Patreons and supporters for all their amazing, amazing Patreons of sport. And thanks to you for listening. We'll see you next time. Bye.

And so ends the tale of adventures three Who tried the best they can Though dumb and scared and lost they be For time's abreast in revelry And though our journey may be like a conclusion We will not leave you without a resolution Return next week to hear some more Whilst you commute or do your chores And for you I'd gladly spout no