Episode 6 – Dreams

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes, noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape, and wields a spear with great might Peely's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends, and listen close For the tale's about to start Well welcome to Spout Lore everybody!

I'm your game master Sean O'Hara, and with me as always are players Paul, Abdul, and Jessica We're continuing our game of Dungeon World When last we left our heroes, things were looking pretty bad Ala Key, the head woman of Bullrush Village, has been pretty thoroughly maimed by a big ass crocodile Our young friend Fat Billy, the thief, has been overcome by some sort of dark influence Oh it's awful It's awful!

He went beast mode on a crocodile Stabbed it to death with his little knife And something's up everybody That's where we're at Also I have an impenetrable bill hook It just says penetrable from where I'm sitting There's an M Yeah it looks like it says penetrable I got it, it cannot be broken Well we'll see Or penetrate It's really only a matter of time before you throw it so far That you lose interest in getting it out of your head Lose interest in getting it back The villagers see Billy like freaking out Mmhmm Hoodeer pushes through the crowd with a bag You can see sprigs and leaves poking out of the top And she runs up and kneels down in front of the cage that you've created around Billy And she looks very concerned Ving asks what's wrong with our friend She looks at him for a few more seconds and she looks up at you and says This is not your friend Mmhmm And she takes a little ball of herbs and leaves And she kinda pushes it at you Billy Like am I coherent at this time?

You're still kind of snappy Okay Like you're kind of like still sort of out of control No I feel like I'm just gonna thrash around as I have been Okay yeah so Like I don't really respond She waits for you to get closer to her in your thrashing And she shoots her hand in, grabs the back of your head And shoves this ball of leaves down your throat And you feel it sink down And after a few seconds your vision starts to swim a little bit And then you are asleep So Houdir draws in a breath And kind of blows it out in a like She dusts her legs off And she stands up and looks at you Ving and says you can What did you give him?

It's just some herbs to calm him What's wrong with him? I don't know But I hope to find out Please can you remove the restraints? I make a stretcher You want to shapeshift more for all this? Yeah Alright I mean you can just pick him up He's a little baby No I'm gonna shapeshift Okay fine I mean you're introducing the potential for failure I think I still have holds Do you? Oh yeah I guess you would Three?

Okay great So yeah you can spend another one to shapeshift more Into a little sort of basket-y stretcher thing Yeah I'll make something out of rattan Okay great Rattan You were expecting wicker perhaps? Oh yeah where is wicker?

Mmm That's a good question You haven't seen her At least not today Well that really does seem like a huge problem We need to find that cat Yes Yeah Like we're I know we just dealt with a lot I guess I'm talking to you Ving And I guess I'm inadvertently talking to Billy If you're awake No Billy's You have your hand on Billy I'm asleep, done Billy?

Nothing Okay he could probably hear So I know we've taken some time here in this town But we shouldn't forget that there is kind of a world ending Adventure that we have been ignoring for sure What? Wait You mean the crocodiles?

The mender thing Oh the wifi people Yes Ohhhh And we did lose the cat Who dear says that's all well and good Oh you've been here this whole time I'm waiting Alaki is losing a lot of blood Something's wrong with your friend I'd like to take care of that Okay If you don't mind Sure And then we can talk about what you have planned next after Okay Wicker! So please just come I think just come with me Billy's hurt!

Just come with me please And she leads the way to Or she starts walking back towards her hut Okay And you follow?

Oh yeah I follow Great okay great I follow her right in the hut So who dear leads you through Sort of through this curtain of fabric into the interior of her hut It's very dim Light filters in through the reeds that have been gathered at the top to make this sort of dome It's smoky Cause there's a little bowl of herbs and grasses burning And I'm not sure if I'm gonna be able to get through this And Aleki is laid out on the ground She's propped up on some cushions But her leg is bad And um Okay I guess I rush to her side Yeah it doesn't take long cause you're You walk in and you're two feet from her Okay So she's there Well I choose to rush to her side Okay You take up a lot of room in this hut Cause being the big man that you are Uh huh But who dear says to you Vang please just put Billy over here And there's like a little table I put him on the table Yeah and he Is laid out on this table asleep Fitfully You see Billy's eyes moving behind his eyelids Like he's dreaming about something I grab his chubby little hand Aw There's a little bit of tension Okay But not any real response It's fine And who dear kneels down to Aleki And starts looking at the leg And she doesn't She's got a pretty grim look on her face What's the prognosis doctor?

It's not looking good Okay And Aleki's sort of grimacing in pain And she grabs your hand Tuck I look into her eyes and I say God who knew that we would end up here You know I certainly didn't see this coming Yeah what a you know It's just when we tell this story later They're gonna be like wow so romantic Yeah Like it was just I was just a lady Bleeding on the ground Yeah Yeah Yeah Wow Do you think you're gonna be okay for that date?

That we had set Ooh Let me find out whether or not I'm gonna lose my leg Should we post a post Okay Yeah we'll talk about that in a little bit Okay But you guys You look good Considering Yeah great Thank you so much I look even better not covered in blood Yeah I know I think it was part of the poem That was so long ago It feels like Who knows Yeah You can even remember that poem Anyway Anyways You thank you You all saved a life out there You saved Kira Yes Without your help she would have died What happened to Billy?

Um We don't know Yeah we don't know Okay well I'm gonna try not to die now Okay Good luck And uh uh Houdir is looking and um she has taken a pot of a paste of some kind And she's splashed some water in there from a jug And she's putting her whole arm in it Kinda like mixing it up Haha I know It looks weird right It looks weird how I'm doing it But that's what she's doing She's trying to She's mixing it with her hand and her forearm And she's pulling it out and she's spreading it over the tooth marks and the tears Ooh On Alaki's leg And yeah she makes like a Oh it smells like schloss meat And then she starts taking strips of fabric and tearing them and spreading them over the wounds Vang do you have any kind of healing magic that can help Alaki?

I've got I've got uh some weed Yeah I hear that helps with everything And a little bit of stuff called crocane Um Oh yeah halfling white powder I have halfling white powder You guys have pipe weed I believe Yeah I don't think you have fantasy cocaine I've got some poultice Yeah like you can you can definitely help I have some um neroli oil And I I was gently Vang comes over and uh Turns his I'd like to turn my use my last hold to Make my fingers um Who has the softest fingers in the land?

Snow white Koala bears I was thinking koala bears You can't turn your things into other people things Okay Yeah you can turn into Plants and rocks and animals Koala bears?

No they're not from the great forest Or the frozen north Yeah I think it's a good thing that we're talking about I have bunny fresh bunny paws Okay Just my one index finger is now an entire bunny's paw And I am uh massaging uh calming oils into her forehead We're playing pretty fast and loose with your shape shifting abilities now I think no no no no what I'm saying is that like That was your last hold I don't know what you're trying to accomplish with it Halfway through they turned back into my fingies But you do Yeah You do have poultices and herbs Yeah I believe you have at least one use left Yeah And uh you heal them of seven damage Okay I'd like to give her that this neroli oil on her temples Yeah Yeah Yeah so it helps her sleep Hudeer like kinda sits to the side and um And I say worry not it is neroli oil Why are you talking like that?

What I it's my poultice voice Okay And so you apply these oils to Hudeer for uh temples Ever deep she sleeps And she um she leans back Alakhi leans back As you're applying the oils and starts to close her eyes and says That smells pretty good And then she falls asleep I kiss her forehead and say for luck And uh and Hudeer lifts some of the strips of fabric And takes a look at the wounds and closes it back over And looks at you and says well looks like we've got the bleeding to stop for now I think she I think with some time she she'll survive We'll see what the situation with her leg is Uh in a few hours maybe the next day But thank you for your your your aid in this matter Now she claps her hands of dust and walks over to the table where Billy lays She says now let's find out what this is about Billy Hmm You open your eyes And what do you think the inside of Billy's mind looks like?

Like is he seeing stuff? He he wakes up in a place that is Representative of a comfortable place for him Maybe he's like back in a place that kind of looks like His little hometown Oh yeah? What's his hometown called?

I forget No I don't think we've knit I don't think we've we like we've talked about the Everwood Valley and stuff like that But not the town that he's from Well it's not that town it's just like that what what No I just remembered that Everwood is the name of a CW Yeah we talked about that but I still like the name Yeah he's from Lone Tree Hill Okay he's from Lone Tree Hill Similar but not exactly One Tree Hill But fantasy and Oh fuck No no no no no You realize that that's what you did right?

No I thought it was actually called Lone Tree She was trying to do she was trying to do One Tree Hill I like Lone Tree Hill that's fine by me Also we've already established that One Tree Hill is the name of a group of minstrels that go around and do a series of Realized team drama Yeah exactly right About two half brothers that play on a basketball team together I remember that Yeah So so is he inside outside?

He's outside Yeah Everyone kind of lives sort of outside Okay There's not really real houses in that town Interesting They live in like makeshift very planty sort of shelters Mm-hmm so he's just on the grass under the lone tree Mm-hmm And you feel tired You feel exhausted Mm-hmm Like you just ran a mile You're just enjoying the sun and the clouds and the blue skies And you feel somebody sitting at the tree just out of your vision Okay Like just out of the side of your vision and if you look you still can't see them like they're just sitting at the edge of your sight Hmm And you hear a voice from that direction And it says I'm sorry about all that But what?

I get angry And you were the easiest vessel for my anger in that moment And I apologize for putting you through that Who are you? That's a hard question You can call me Pilar Okay What's your name? Fat Billy Is your first name Fat? No Oh So Fat is a nickname Yes Hmm Anyways sorry we had to meet like this but I've been with you for a while now and today was the first opportunity I had Why are we here?

I gained control as a side effect and then I lost control but now we're here Okay you're talking like really vaguely and I don't I'm not feeling very well right now my stomach hurts and my head hurts and I like I don't know I only had a little bite of food and some gross leaves and I don't feel good and I just don't know what's going on We're not so different I think maybe I mean I'm here and you're nowhere that I can see and I'm just a kid A kid? What do you know about yourself?

Nothing I don't know anything If you were just a kid I wouldn't be here at all I don't understand This place looks beautiful but this is not where you're from I don't know this is like I think I've been here before but I don't really remember clearly I guess There's just there's so much more to you than you even realize Oh well that's nice I guess I'm sort of already losing the opportunity to stay here but I'll be back Okay It's just it's been a long time since I've met one of the Farrah Fokin person so to speak this is as close as I could get Okay well if I'm that what are you?

You don't know? You don't know? You don't understand? No I'm a wizard Oh I've been here this whole time With me or where? Not with you nearby Okay I knew when when the ward started breaking down and I was able to reach my fingers out through this prison You were my next opportunity to scent a little bit of this frustration at being contained for so long Okay well can like are you good or? Oh that's subjective Okay do you need help?

I would like to be free Okay um well that's like a lot for me to think about right now On an empty stomach and I just have a lot of information thrown at me I don't really know what to do with it Maybe we'll talk again Okay But just think on what I said with the world the way that it is after my colleagues left somebody like you has a lot of potential A lot of potential we could make the world right you and I Oh You remember I don't though When they left I don't And the world started coming undone I don't really know what you're talking about I'm sorry I'm rambling I don't have a lot of opportunities to talk anymore but I appreciate you uh tolerating this for as long as you have and uh we'll speak soon Okay um bye I guess Goodbye And they're gone So back to the hut uh Houdir is standing over Billy She's looking around like she's looking for something And she points at Tuck She says come here come here Yes And uh she turns you around she puts her hand on your shoulder and slowly kind of pushes you to turn around And she um looks at the box which you've had strapped to your back this whole time Oh cool And she says what is this It's like oh it's a uh box that I shit inside of She she looks you in the eye like disapprovingly I think we both know that's not true Okay Ving shit Okay Ving shit's in it I've never pooped in any boxes Oh god Ving Please We're so trying to keep this a secret I think unless did I reveal all of this like three sessions ago You revealed this the second you got to the village Okay You're doing it right now Okay sorry it's it was a full night uh this is a magic box full of a thing that we don't know that we're trying to take uh to a place for some reason I can't remember all of the details all the time Yeah Okay she like puts her hands on it she says may I Yeah do like you do you who dear So she reaches for it and undoes the like the rope that you've tied around your chest basically Yeah And takes it down and she's holding it and she says yes this this is magic What is it It's power you can feel the I can feel the power leaking out of it Wow can we use it is it renewable is it a renewable source of power It's it seems pretty constant Can we run a water wheel with it Is it clean She says I think I understand a little bit about what's going on now she says this the the the energy I feel coming out of this however weak I also feel coming out of your friend here Whoa If this is a flame Billy's like a lantern Oh okay It gathers and it ebbs but there's something else in there Whatever's inside Billy is also inside this box That seems to be the case Is it uh is it is he in danger He might be How do we get it out of Billy And back into the box There's it's it's not so much getting it out of Billy Because I think there's just there's something about him where he's going to hold on to this energy In whatever way he is but the negative influence attached to it Can be Sived out Okay how do we do that And she kind of sighs and goes over to some books that she has She has some little books and she's flipping through And uh she's scanning passages and putting a book to sleep And uh she's looking for books to take to the library And uh she's looking for books to take to the library down and picking another one up and flipping through again.

And she gets to a section and she kind of taps her fingers on it. It says, this might, this might work, but it might be kind of tough to explain to him. There is a waterway nearby that has some of the properties that are described in this book that might help flush him of these negative influences and allow him to use the power in him as he sees fit. He's like being possessed? In a sense, more being nudged. Okay, by who or what? Whatever is contained in this thing.

Oh, there's like a person in this box. That would appear to be the case. Fuck. Because if this is, I assume that this has not happened before? No, we, I've never, we've known Billy for like a year, but we've never seen him do this, I think. In an entire year. Yeah. Yeah. So, what changed? What circumstance changed? We killed a bunch of frog people. Billy gained public office. Was that it? Okay. The power of public office? Probably not so much.

Just saying, if this is, if this is the feeling that I'm getting from Billy, there's something here. I know that for sure. And if you're saying that this box is relatively new, whatever is influencing him is likely the result of his contact or proximity to this box. Okay. So, we have a question. What is the power of public office? What is the power of public office? We have to get it out of him, put it back in the box. Is he strong enough to go to the waterway?

I think if you give me some time, I can. How much time do you need, doctor? I'll let you know. Okay. How far away is the waterway we have to go to? Half a day. And why is it, why did you say it was going to be tough to explain to him? Well, there's a lot of, I'll come along. Oh, maybe break it down beforehand. There's a sort of being vague as all hell. There's a sort of meditative technique. Okay. Waters act as a, as a, as a king. Okay.

And then there's a sort of, there's a sort of, there's a sort of, there's a sort of, as a, as a conduit for energies. Yes. Uh-huh. We all know this. And by submerging him in these waters, we might be able to keep the good and release the bad. Might. Sweet. Cool. Might. I don't know. This is, guess what? Hey, look at me. Magic hasn't existed in this part for like 90 years at least. How old are you? I'm old enough to party. Wow. And then he flicks his little cocaine bag about it.

And but what this is new this is new ground for me this is all theoretical okay let me just break down what I understand billy is like a tea bag full of bad tea we want to get the bad tea out so we want to dunk him in this magic water steep him steep the shit out of him and then the bad stuff is gone and it's contaminated the water but we don't care about that I just wish that that wasn't as accurate as it is he's a reverse tea bag thank you yes billy is a reverse tea bag we're gonna is that what we're doing we got there can just give me some time to get your friend back okay I don't know why you were so reluctant to explain this process you don't know why I'm I'm reluctant to explain complex magical theory to you yes I did I got it didn't I what am I not there now get out of my hut okay fine I overstepped my bounds and then I uh I do that thing where you try and find the edge of a curtain yeah like this wall where's the fucking where's the fabric the fabric part come on it's all fabric the fabric where do the reeds separate just right here and then I just tear the side of the I put my hand between two reeds and I tear it open and I was like go just go your hut's a piece of shit and I walk out rude yes I understand but we're all stressed you guys leave I try and ving tries to put the reeds in the wall and I'm like oh my god I'm not gonna do that I'm not gonna do that I'm not gonna do that I'm not gonna do that I'm not gonna do that I'm not gonna do that reeds back as he's just don't I'll fix it I'll fix it just leave just go okay billy back on the hill back on the lone tree hill okay you're alone for now yeah and you don't know how much time has passed could have been a couple minutes could have been a couple days but the sun never set but it had that feeling yeah where it's like gonna maybe yeah exactly but it's had that feeling for an indeterminate amount of time all right and you're watching the clouds pass over the sun and you start feeling a little dizzy and you're like oh my god I'm not dozy this is a nice little nap spot maybe yeah the the anger has passed okay you you feel like a little almost like the feeling of resentment but with no target you know what I mean but you're still like this is a nice hill this is a nice spot your eyes close you feel the warmth of the sun and your eyes open and you're looking into the face of hudir oh oh well all right that uh that did the trick what what what!

And it's got little salt fishes do you think you could eat a fish for me you think you could eat one of these little fish I guess they're so tasty here here try one okay thanks we we thought that we'd lost you there for a little bit oh sorry do you know what happened what do you what do you remember billy like doesn't really want to tell her okay yeah that's fine she looks in your eyes she says do you feel any different no you think you can walk I don't know okay why well we've just got a little we got a little trip we're gonna make in a little bit but I'll let you rest I'll let you rest okay she gives you a pillow like a little bundle of grass so do you want to stay on the table or do you want to yeah okay I'll be back where's the fish she moves scoots the ball closer to you there you go uh and you guys leave the village or not leave the village leave the hut and you're sort of in the village square I wanna I'm gonna walk down to where they have the uh um I'm gonna walk down to where they have the crocodile and I'm gonna be I'm going to rip some of the hide off.

Okay. So I'm going to do that. Yeah, that's going to take… Do I have to roll for it? Well, no. Defy danger? No. There's no… It will take time. But you have time. Yeah. Like, how much are you looking to get? I kind of just want to make a suit of armor for Billy. That does take, like, three different skills, you realize? Yeah, no, you're not just going to be able to make a suit of armor. You're basically going to be draping bloody skin over Billy. Okay, well, is there anyone in this town…

Okay, I… Oh, yeah, Billy's nude. Yeah. Totally nude. I go to one of the villagers that is standing around the crocodile, and I take the impenetrable billhook that I have, and I push whoever's, like, standing in my way out of the way, and I hack… I just hack half of the crocodile off, and I start dragging it away. Okay, yeah, it takes a while for you to cut through this big old crocodile with a hand tool. Yep. Yep. I'm really pissed off. Yeah, totally.

Because Houdir is fucking talking to me from her goddamn high horse, treating me like I'm a… Some dumb piece of shit that deserves to be educated. So, yeah, so you drag away a piece of a crocodile? Yes. Yeah, why? And where to? And then I want to take it to someone who will turn it into armor for Billy in the village. I'm standing in the middle of the town screaming, who can make this into armor for Billy? Are you with me at this point? No, I'm looking for the cat. Wicker! Okay. So, okay.

So, you drag it into the middle of the village. Yes. And a young woman comes up. She's got sort of short, dark hair. Uh-huh. She's kind of cleaning herself up. She's wiping some dirt and stuff off her arms. Yes. It looks like she just got done burying something. What did you just bury? Just some… I'm just fermenting something. It's fine. Okay. You're making kombucha? It's not… Oh, Ving hears this and comes right over. Did I hear someone say fermenting? You guys like the booch? Yes.

We are booch heads. You guys like getting booched? Check it out. And then I lift my shirt up and there's a tattoo that says booch heads. You don't wear a shirt. Yep. It's just said booch heads this whole time. Okay. I lift my armpits up. Yeah. Underneath each arm it says booch and head. It says booch heads. Yeah. Oh, great. Well, you know what? In a couple of days… That's not real. That's a joke. I know. Of course. And this cold kombucha thing is bullshit. She says, what are you doing with…

That's not sanitary. That can't be good. Yeah. There's a lot of flies accumulating on it right now. Yeah. Fermenting it, though. Yeah. Well, at least the fermenting is underground where the flies can't get it. Yeah, that's true. You're doing it right. Yeah. Thank you. You're doing it right. You're doing it tight. What's your plan with this crocodile? If you want to ferment, keep it out of the light. That's a great rhyme. Can I use that? Sure. I just made it up.

I will not remember it next session. That's okay. Neither will I. Okay. So what's your plan with this big crocodile? I need to find a taxidermist or a leather. Or a leather worker or someone that makes armor out of animal hides. Yes. Also, maybe someone that can enchant it. I will literally pay you anything. I don't think that that's what taxidermists do. Okay. Well, then I'm like, just give me something, and then I pull out the two diamonds that I have. This is a fishing village. Okay. One.

No, that's two. One is, that's not what taxidermists do. Two is, this is a fishing village. We don't really have any leather workers. Okay. Okay. Fucking work with me. What do you want? Look at these diamonds. I have diamonds. Look around. Look at the diamonds. Yeah, they look very nice. I have this. I have raw materials. I lift up the, like, very quickly decomposing crocodile. Where did you get the clothes that you're wearing? This is, like, fabric. This is homespun.

They look amazing, by the way. Thank you. I feel pretty. I like them. Who did your hair? Uh, me. It looks so cute. It really shapes your face. Thank you. I woke up like this, and I do every day, because I don't do anything. I don't do anything with my hair. What's your name? Uh, Linda. Nope. No, that was good. Fine. Linda's good. Uh, Linda. Linda's my dad's girlfriend's name. Interesting fact. Interesting fact to open with.

Ving's just kind of looking at the ground, thinking about how he probably wouldn't be able to date somebody with the same name as his dad's girlfriend. Anyways, that's a big, that's a big crocodile. Yes. So. I need you to turn around. Turn it into armor for a child. I cannot do that. Who can? Facilitate it. Okay. I can facilitate it by maybe sending it to Highspear or one of the, like, I don't know what you want me to say. I am desperate for this to happen as quickly as possible.

Walk me through the steps that will get me there. Okay. Well, what I can tell you is that I can't. Okay. Jesus Christ. Okay. So what she says is, I, okay. I want to say this as gently as possible to you. That is not going to happen. Okay. You're talking about weeks worth of work. Oh, God. I, this is all I want right now. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Give me an alternative. Okay. My alternative is that just put the day before you all got here, a merchant.

There's a merchant that is stopped by the village on their way to Highspear. Okay. Is he still here? So they might. Yes. Yes. They might have something for you. This is exactly what I wanted from the beginning of this interaction. And that's why you dragged half a crocodile corpse into the middle of the village. Also, I wanted to do it. Play it. Like a hand puppet. And then I put my hand inside of it. No, no, no, no, no. This is good. This is good. Watch. No, this is funny. This is funny.

I'm going to do. I look. I'm going to. I'm going to drink a cup of water. And then. Hello there, everybody. Just come with me. Wait, I'm not done. All right. Back in the hut with Billy. Bullrush Village is the most tolerant. It's a small town, man. It's a small town on the side of a river. I would assume that a lot of people let Tuck. Get up. Get away with a lot because I'm pretty physically. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. Physically squishing their faces with your fist. Yeah. Whatever.

So, Billy, you are in the hut and you are resting on the table, eating some saltfish, your little pouches down on the ground. But from that direction, you start to feel, you know, the sound when a TV is on, but it's not on any channel. Yeah. It's it kind of feels like that. OK. Down in the direction of your little pouch. My pouch. Yeah. OK. Is there anyone around? Hudeer is left momentarily. Alec, he is asleep on the ground. OK. I'm going to go down to my pouch then, I guess. Yeah.

So you clamber down off the table and you root around a little bit. You start digging around in your bag and at the bottom of the bag, you feel something hard and you pull it out. It is the crystal that you remember Tuck pulling from the lantern. It's a little bit like a lantern in Mayor Boggins's house. OK. It's it's almost warm to the touch, but you don't feel any warmth. You know, it's hard to explain. Like you kind of feel it. OK. Yeah. It feels nice. Like an energy coming from it?

A little bit. Yeah. It's almost calming. Yeah. OK. Well, I take it back with me to the bed. I just tuck myself in with it. With this little crystal. Yeah. Yeah. And and at the same time, as you're kind of doing this, you press the crystal to your skin a little bit as you're cuddled up. And you hear a rustling from the director. And in the direction of the flap, you see Wicker. Wicker. Walking into the hut. Come here.

And she goes meow and hops up on a stack of books and then hops up on the table. And she lays down lengthwise, doesn't even curl up, like lays down on the table all stretched out right next to you. Hi. Yeah. Can I cuddle you? Yeah. She's nuzzling you pretty hard. Cool. I'm going to cuddle her as well. I like that a lot. Yeah. That was very pleasant. Great. And you kind of you kind of drift off to sleep a little bit more. Just just just to rest off. Just a restive nap.

So, Tuck, do you go with Tuck thing? Yeah. Yeah. Let's go check this merchant. Linda. I'm trying to get some teeth out of the as we're walking. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Badass necklace. I'm singing the song. Badass necklace coming my way. Badass necklace. I'm accompanying him with the crocodile as the accompaniment. Badass necklace. Badass necklace. Get out my teeth. I'm not a dentist, but I am a jeweler. I'm not a dentist, but I am a crocodile. So, Linda leads you into the hall, the main hall.

Oh. And outside tied up at the hitching post that Dan tied Daisy up at, you see another horse. Almost like it looks like more like a mule piled with bags. You head into the lodge and you see Dan kind of kicking it in the corner. He seems like he's like, hey, big crocodile to do, huh? Yeah, man. Check it out. Watch this. Cut it in half. Oh, wow. Hello there. Wow. I'm a crocodile. That is upsetting. Yeah. Can you see my lips move when I do this? I can. Watch his lips. Watch his lips.

Look at my lips. Hello. Yeah, they're moving. I lost. And so are the severed tendons at the bottom of that crocodile. Yeah. He's terrible at it. I think it's tendons that are in its mouth run all the way to the bottom of its body. Oh, that makes sense, I guess. I'm going to go back to my book. Okay, cool. I'm just going to hang out. I'm feeling a little. I'm feeling a little beat. Goodbye, Dan. Great. Bye, guys. I love you. Say it back. I love you too, crocodile. My name is Gerald.

I love you too, Gerald. Say Gerald the crocodile. Gerald the crocodile. Say I love you, Gerald the crocodile. I love you, Gerald the crocodile. Can I go back to my book, please? Yeah. What are you reading? It's just a book of poetry. Read us a poem, Dan. Just a line. Yeah, read us a poem. Later, later, later. No, no, no. Do it now. Now is now. Do it now. Poetry forever. All right. Okay. Okay. Okay. Fine. He flips to like a random page. He says, okay, you guys aren't going to like this.

It's well, I mean, then you might like it. It's Elvin poetry. It doesn't translate great though. That's the thing. Okay. Okay. Fine. Fine. Fine. You're going to hate this. I like it, but you're going to hate it. I hate you. Leaves of green, grass of green, sky of green, blood of green. Now, hold on. You wanted me to read this to you and I'm reading it to you. Yes, we're listening. Okay. Eyes of green, air of green, hair of green, bear of green. It does say bear of green. You've heard this one.

Yes. I told you it doesn't translate great. This is from when I was a tiny kid when I read this. Anyways, I'm going to finish. I'm going to finish my book. If you can just, I'll talk to you guys later. And he goes back to reading and Linda points you in the direction of the merchant whose name is Lumply. What's he look like? He is a halfling. He's a shorter halfling. Guy. He's kind of stocky, tan skin, wrinkly around the face, light blonde hair, which is unusual.

You haven't really seen blonde hair on a halfling before, but it looks pretty good on him. Yes. For us, the tips of the whole thing. What? Oh, the whole thing. Yeah. You think it might even be natural. Whoa. Whoa. I know. Wow. He looks good. He does look wrinkly skin. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's pretty handsome for a halfling. Yeah. He's got that. Like, he's just a small, handsome man. Okay. And he's sitting at the table and he's eating. He's eating a bowl of food. Are his teeth whitened?

It's hard to tell from here. Okay. How orange is he? Yeah. You said darker skin? Tan? I said, like, tan skin. Like, he's outside a lot. Oh, he's outside a lot. Yeah. It's a natural tan. It's a natural tan. Okay. I guess we thank Linda. So I take the crocodile and I go, thank you, Linda. She rolls her eyes and turns around. And then I go, give me a kiss. She's gone. Okay. Linda's left. Wow. Some people do not appreciate art. Good riddance. Oh, no. And so the little halfling's sitting.

And he's eating. And he looks up as you come to talk to him. And he says, oh, hello. Can I interest you in some of my wares? And then I go, can I interest you in a deal? And he goes, holy potatoes. What is? Okay. Could you? Could you get rid of that? Well, I need you to do a thing with it. I will stop talking with it, though, if it is. It's pretty upsetting. Seems to be upsetting a lot of people. It's pretty upsetting. It's pretty upsetting. Yes. I think it's hilarious. Yeah. And then I put it.

I put the crocodile head on Ving's shoulder. It's like, and then we go. I'm super upset by all of this. I'm sorry. It's awful. You don't think that elves and crocodiles can be friends? I'm from a different land. And sometimes I issue conventions of the civilized world. Wink. Good thing to remember. Good point. And I'll put up with anything because I want to. Impress tuck. Yes. Wink. We're a perfect team. There is no bank for that one. But he says, so what can I, what can I do for you? Gents?

We just fought this crocodile. Our friend is dying. Maybe we have. He's a small boy that we are going to teabag later. And for that event, I want you to make him a suit of armor out of the hide of this paleolithic crocodile. He's too naked. Okay. He is nude. Now we, we want him to be clothed. For the teabagging. Okay. I got a lot of questions. Yes. And I'm not going to ask any of them. You with the blonde hair. I'm looking to make a sale. Yeah. Uh, first things first. Can't do that. Fuck me.

I am not an armor. I'm not a leather Smith. I'm a merchant. I'm a merchant. Wait. Okay. Roll a, uh, I need you to roll something for me. Uh, okay. So this is a move that we're going to use called supply. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Something special beyond what's usually available here or non mundane. It is mundane. Most things in this world are mundane. Unfortunately roll plus your charisma.

Uh, four plus two plus two, six plus two is eight, eight. So at eight, you'll have to pay more or settle for something that not, that's not exactly what you wanted, but close. Okay. So how big is this person? He's a halfling child. Halfling child. Yes. I got great news for you. Okay. So he, he goes over to some sacks that he's moved out from outside into, into the hall so he can keep an eye on them. Oh, and Vinc thinks that the sacks are Billy's new clothes because they're shaped like that.

Perfect. Those will fit. We'll take them. Nice. Oh, burlap. Box them up. And he starts digging around and he pulls out a little, like he's got leather armor that is small, but he's like, okay, so this is, full disclosure, this is for a full-grown halfling, but check it out. And he grabs like the breastplate, which is like roughly the size of his torso. And he pops something on the back and he yanks and like the bottom half comes off. It says halfling child-sized. Wow, that's great.

That looks awesome. Okay, hold on one second. 25 gold for the lot. Okay, what's the conversion rate from diamonds to gold? Diamonds. Hypothetically. Hypothetically. Two diamonds, knock 50 gold off. So one diamond is 25 gold. That would be what I have appeared to establish. Okay, cool. Apparently I'm rich. Here's one diamond. Give me the leather armor. Tuck. What? Those are diamonds. Did you see how wide his eyes got? Okay, hold on. Here's the crocodile. You see it? Yeah, I see it.

It's getting close to your head now. He pulls his head back like, yeah, still got most of its teeth. Yeah, it's a lot of teeth. Still pretty dangerous. Yeah. I'm dangerous. Okay. Now I'm holding it on top of you. Hold on. Hold on. Just stay right there. I'm not done explaining what I'm doing. I am very strong. I can smash this down on top of you. How much is a diamond worth in terms of gold? Are you threatening me? 100%. That is what I'm doing. Yes. You leave. Okay.

You get out of here right now. I'm not comfortable with this anymore. I'll talk to him. Okay. You go. Okay. Do you want the armor or not? I do. One diamond. Okay, here's a diamond. Thank you very much. Go away. Okay, tell me how much it's worth now. Go away. What? Talk to his way outside. I want you to leave. Okay. I will talk to your friend. Take two steps back. Is this far enough? Out. Okay, outside. I'm standing outside but I'm looking in the window. So he gets, he kind of pulls you closer.

He's like, hey, come here. Get a little closer. Yeah, don't touch me. What? Come here. This is a great deal for me. Yeah, I know. This is great. I want you to know person to person. Oh, I just fleeced you guys good. You son of a bitch. But it's just my, it's my job. It's my job. I'm going to be out of here end of the day. Things, gills are flaring. Yeah. So thank you very much. Here's your armor. How much is it worth? You promised. Well, it depends on where you sell it.

I could probably get, I don't know, two, three hundred gold for one of these and high spear. Now I'm outside and I go, hey, I feel remorseful of how I handled that situation. Yeah, he's really sorry. That's the crocodile? Yes. Great. Great. Well, thanks. Business adjourned. Yes. Here's your armor. Thank you. Here are your clothes. I'm outside. Now, please let me finish my food. Okay. Okay. What do you have to eat? It's just some, I don't know, stew. Okay. Can you steal that from him?

I turn into a rabbit. Okay. And back to the hut. And I am sorry about it. So, Billy, you're resting on the table with wicker. Yeah. Tummy full of saltfish. Yeah. And Houdier comes back in. She comes up and she kind of lays a hand on your shoulder. Mm-hmm. Says, how are you feeling? What? Oh, hey. Yeah, no, you're sleeping. It's okay. She's like petting, she's petting wicker a little bit, kind of scratching her under the chin. She says, I see you found your little friend here. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

So, are you feeling, you feeling any better? I guess so. Great. So, we got a little, we got a little, little trip we're going to make. Okay. Okay. You up for it? Yeah, but like with who? Oh, with me and with your friends. Okay. And the cat can come along too. Okay. Great. So, she like packs all this stuff in your little satchel, hands it to you, picks you up under the armpits and like puts you on the ground. Can I have this blanket? Which, oh, oh, oh, yeah. Yeah, sure. Yeah, of course. Okay.

Yeah. And I just wrap it around myself like a toga. It's a little cold out. Yeah, of course. Yeah. Great. So, yeah, we'll go find your friends. We come sprinting up. Billy, Billy, where are your clothes? Billy. Oh, I have clothes. Look. And then I twirl around it in my toga. Yeah, but what do you think of this armor? Nah. Okay. What? Oh, yeah. He just throws it away. Oh, man. Oh, man. That's great. That's great stuff. How are you doing, Billy? Pretty good. Yeah?

Do you want this to be this granola? Sure. Okay, here you go. Thank you. What's a tubular toga, bud? Thank you. Yeah, you look like a king of a place. Yeah, I feel pretty good now. Do a king walk. Okay, so I like crab walk a little because I don't know what you're talking about. King crab. Yeah. King crab walk. That's our Billy. Yeah, you're looking good. Thanks. Yes. Wow, everyone's so nice to me right now. Yeah. So, I think what's a little like a sage behind his ears like Julius Caesar?

Ooh, nice. Nice. Nice. You look pretty. So, you guys, after supplying up with Lumpley, you meet Houdir at the end of, at the shore of the river and she kind of looks up and down its length and seems set on a direction and she turns to all of you and says, all right, we're off. Billy, we're going to teabag you. What? And that's the game for this week. Thanks for listening. This has been Spout Lore. I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara. With me as always, player's Paul. You son of a… You bitch.

Abdul. And Jessica. I'm sorry, I'm eating. And as always, our technical producer, Westlord and Abdul. Bleep bloop. Thanks to Hecklers for letting us record in the upstairs Ratfish Lounge on Gorge Road in Victoria, British Columbia. Thanks to Aaron Reed for our amazing intro and outro music. And we have been playing Dungeon World, a game by Adam Coble and Sage LaTorah, which is a hack of a game called Apocalypse World by D. Vincent Baker.

You can find all of that stuff on the internet if you want it.

And so ends the tale of adventures three who tried the best they can Though dumb and scared and lost they be For time's abreast in revelry And though our journey may be like a conclusion We will not leave you without a resolution Return next week to hear some more Whilst you commute or do your chores And for you I gladly spell Dawn I'm not a dentist but I am a jeweler I'm not a dentist but I am a cruxie crocodile You guys are forgetting the classic board game Crocodile Dentist.

Is that a real board game? Yeah. It's like a little plastic crocodile. You open the mouth and you're poking the teeth. If you're lucky. If you poke the wrong one it goes Whoa. Chomps on your hand. A lot of kids lost their fingers that way. Do you remember the theme song? Crocodile Dentist biting your hand. Crocodile Dentist be careful kids. Crocodile Dentist of Milton Bradley.