Patreon Bonus: Spout More Episode 29

Hi, Spoutlorians, Abdul here, just letting you know that we dropped a brand new episode of our Patreon-exclusive bonus game, Speltmore Mall Brats, over on our Patreon feed, and also dropping a little teaser here in the main feed for you guys. So if you're interested, head over to Patreon for the full episode. Links are in the show notes. So, can I make a phone call to Seamus? Through the pipes? Yeah. The pipes? Yeah. Because that's how it happens, hey? Yeah. It's like a canned telephone. Okay.

God, I sound hot. Seamus! Yeah, we are like, ooh. We're blowing air at you so your hair blows. Thanks, guys. It counts. It counts. Seamus! Seamus! It's me, Clover. Hi, Clover. Sorry I was in the bathroom. Oh. Sorry to interrupt you. You're just like, fuck, why did I tell her that? Fuck. I mean, I was doing push-ups. That makes sense. I know you do those every morning. I do. In the bathroom? Seamus, why weren't you at the party last night? Oh, I just had a stomachache.

That's why I was in the bathroom. Oh. Since the party? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've just, you know. I ate something. I ate something bad. We got a shipment of jerky and I had to test it out and I haven't been feeling so well. But I'm feeling all right. I'm better now. Can you do us a favor, Seamus? Oh, I don't know, Clover. Are you, is it because you're stuck in the bathroom? Yeah, I've really got the squirts today. That's pretty gross. I shouldn't have said.

I mean, I really, my arms are tired from my push-ups. And then Fenton covers the phone and he's like, hey, does it seem like to you guys like Seamus is lying and hiding something? Okay, that's what I thought, but I wasn't sure. Who would own up to the squirts so readily to a girl they like? Yeah. Seamus? Yeah? Are you lying to me? No. No. No. How do I know this? Can I roll for it? Yeah. Uh, yeah. What are you rolling? Like study? Study would, yeah. Study would totally work. Five. Five. Okay.

So that is a mixed success. Uh-huh. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Oh. Seamus, if you don't tell me right now, I'm going to break up with you. Yeah, and I'm going to suck you dry. Fenton, that's a fucked up thing to say. Holy shit. I'm just, all right, I had insane diarrhea yesterday, okay? Bullshit. He's clearly not telling you something, but he's trying to smooth it over. How do I find out?

So that's the mixed success here, is you know that he is lying to you, but he's not telling you what it is, and he's continuing to lie to you. And Fenton whispered, he's like, hey, we can ask the Upper Stone Twins. That's a good idea. We can go to them on the way and just ask them if they've heard anything weird about Seamus. So I'm going to pretend like I believe Seamus. Okay. Oh, that's too bad that you had diarrhea last night.

I totally understand why you missed the party then, and I'm definitely not going to think about it. Okay. Okay, good. We'll tell everyone in the mall that you have really bad diarrhea so that nobody bothers you today. Yeah, that sounds great. Just let them know. I'm not feeling so good. But I mean, what did you need? Did you need my help with something? Yeah, I do. I just, you know, we want to have a little talk with the Wild Nogs. And last time we saw them, it didn't end very well between us.

Mostly their fault. Yeah, it's definitely their fault, which made me don't mention that part. But just so that you know, it was their fault. Quick flashback to a cut scene of us pissing all over their bikes. Getting beaten up. Pushing over all their terrains and shit. So anyway, like they wronged us, Seamus. But we've forgiven them. And we're just wondering, like, I know you are kind of like on, you guys are on good terms, better terms than we are.

Do you think you could call them up and say, hey, the cool treat kids. They want to have a little meeting. Yeah, we have something we want to, we want to offer them. Yeah. We have a deal for them. Yeah. Something that can get them back in the good graces of the Nog Hugs. All right. I'll, I'll see what I can do. And I'll send you a message as soon as I've got a date set. Not a date. Like as soon as possible. Ooh. Yeah. And then frankly does the finger crossing thing.

When you do the finger crossing thing, Fenty goes. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! No, it's okay. This kid. It's too much sometimes. It's just regular water. Cut to brushing his teeth. I can't brush my teeth. It's holy water. It's just a mirror fenced in. You can see yourself. I can't see her. I can see a toothbrush floating, not brushing teeth. I can't see myself at all. And then wiping something off his eye. At all.

There's been a change of leadership in the Wild Nogs. They're led by a really cool kid named Alan. So I'll try and contact Alan and see if they are interested in meeting with you. It's pronounced Alan, actually. Alan. His last name's Tim. Alan Tim. Alan Tim. We'll talk to him and I'll get back to you soon. Now I have to go have more diarrhea. I believe you. Good, because it's the truth. Yeah, I have no reason to question that. Okay, gonna go. Poop now. Okay. Clunk.

What a normal conversation that was to listen to. I'm gonna find out what he's hiding from me. One second, I just have to write in my diary. So Clover does that. She spends five furious minutes scribbling in her diary. She keeps punching through the page. Her pencil is writing so hard. Let's get a couple seconds of what she's writing. Dear diary, I am so mad because I know Seamus is lying to me. He said, I have diarrhea. I know he didn't have diarrhea. Seamus never has diarrhea.

He has a way better immune system and gut health than I do. I'm the one with IBS because I eat too much fiber. Seamus, if I find out what you were hiding from me, and if that thing that you're hiding from me is a girl, I am going to break up with you and also punch you in the face. I am so mad. And I… I underline it. And then cut to three minutes later when the anger has just turned into absolute sorrow. What does he see in that girl? What does she have that I don't have?

I look so good, especially when I wear my blonde wig. That's what Fenton and Franklin say. And I've been working on myself, dear diary. And I'm a real woman now. Like, there's no one cooler than me. And three minutes later when she's kind of hopeful about the future. And, you know, maybe this is just a rough patch. And Seamus and I have… Seamus and I have gone through way worse stuff. You know, there's been a lot of things that I've been working on.

And really, the most important thing is I treat myself well and I follow my instincts. Back to rage. And what my instinct is, is I know that Seamus is lying to me. Oh, God. I will get my revenge. Cut to outside this room where we're waiting. Yeah. How long do you think? I don't know. She said she was having her period right now. So this could be forever. And then Seamus's voice comes through the pipe. Yeah. I… They have agreed to meet. Alain has agreed to meet with you at 2 p.m. 2 p.m.

All right. Wait, no. Sorry. He just said he's got volleyball practice. He has to push it back to 4.30 p.m. 4.30. Okay, that's fine. Tell him we'll meet him… At the volleyball court. At the volleyball court. At the… All right. Right after practice. Right after practice. All right. Good. Good idea. He'll be sweaty and tired and… Exactly. Yeah. Ready to be manipulated. Yeah. So glistening. Okay. Should I be there to mediate the… Mediate the meeting? What do you think, boys?

I think it would be good to have a little bit of muscle on our side. All right. Because if this guy's playing volleyball, he's going to be in tight shorts. And we can't handle that. You know? That business is going to be too much for us. All right, Seamus. We'll see you there then. All right. I'll see you there at 4.30 p.m. At the volleyball courts. All right. I'll bring you some electrolytes. Thank you. I need them to replenish after all my diarrhea. Mm-hmm. You said. Okay, bye. Bye.

Saying diarrhea so much has kind of lost all meaning. I know. Which is crazy because, like, you have diarrhea every morning. I know. I'm so intimately familiar with it. And despite that, there was so much diarrhea talking in that conversation, that word kind of, like, doesn't even mean anything anymore to me. He's on the toilet, as he says. Dear diarrhea. Dear diarrhea. Dear diarrhea.