Episode 9 – We’ve Gotta Start Setting Some Firmer Boundaries

Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale of three heroes noble and bold A brute, a druid, and a thief who is but nine years old You know them by name, you know them by deed, their quests are famously daring So here I sit, singing to you an adventure that is worth sharing Tuck is the brute, he knows not his home, he loves to sing and fight Fingers have health, he shifts his shape and wields a spear with great might Billy's a thief, his tiny size does mask the largest heart Best and brightest they may not be, but their friendship outweighs their smarts So gather round friends and listen close For the tale's about to start Hello everybody and welcome to Spout Lore!

I'm your game master Sean O'Hara Joining me as always playing Fat Billy the Halfling Thief Jessica Tai Hello Playing Ving the Half-Elf Druid Paul Oppers Hi there And playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian Abdul Aziz Hello That was me giving Abdul enough time to get back into his chair I had to put my phone away When last we left our heroes The party, to blow off some steam, visited the Summer Flower Bath House in the Lower Ward Everybody had a wonderful time Until Fatum of the Light Guard ended up in the same steam room that Tuck was hanging out in Yes Everybody got a variety of information We learned some inside baseball about McCall's political situation Right, from the hairdresser that we had Yeah, they won't shut up Yeah Tuck learned some stuff about Fatum and where he lives in the tower of the hearth And how often the guard changes are Yeah Then he passed out because of the gasoline That Fatum wears aerosolized in the steam room Yeah And then there was a bit of a fact-finding mission Billy went to go talk to his friends Who explained that there is a centaur trading company that delivers bread to the hearth And Ving went to go talk to a bunch of giant moths Marking their alpha, the alpha moth Yeah Moonshadow Top moth Moth daddy And getting him to agree to check out the hearth Which Ving will observe through the eyes of the moth And where we ended was the party having a nice kind of friendly dinner with Perel outside his apartment at the cafe that he lives under And where we actually left off was Billy seeing that there is a light within the dark confines of your apartment building Someone has infiltrated your apartment building And someone has infiltrated your home That's where we are right now Tuck's just like, fuck, there's someone in our house And I kick over Perel's hookah And I try to parkour up into the window Can I roll for that?

You absolutely can But I just want to be 100% clear that your decision for confronting intruders is to scream and charge at your house Oh, I'll take the back entrance so there's no escape route Oh, I'll take the back entrance so there's no escape route Yeah Okay I'm going to the roof Alright, I guess everybody's rolling So, okay, we'll start with Tuck You describe you're trying to parkour into your window Yeah, we're across the street at the cafe, right?

Yep I see like there's a cart in front of our building with a bunch of fucking turnips in it So I'm gonna run, jump onto the cart, and then try and make it to the window And when you jump on the one side of the cart, I'll jump on the other side of the cart, thus catapulting you up Yeah, trampoline double jump style Trampoline double jump style Okay, so defy danger I noticed that you said jumping hard Hard So you could use strength Strength Instead of dexterity I persevere through the jump constitution I charm my legs into jumping Yeah, 2d6 plus strength Okay 10 Okay Yeah Nice So, yeah, Billy, what's Billy doing?

Billy grabs two falafels off his plate as energy and weapon And he runs to the back door Okay, 2d6 plus strength Okay, 2d6 plus dexterity Um, 12 Damn, all right So, Billy does a little Are you climbing into the apartment?

Yeah, so fast and sneaky And then I hide just in the shadow All right, so Ving There's a bunch of mosquitoes fluttering around the torches that are lit And there's bats circling them and eating the mosquitoes And I'm gonna use my new move, light as a feather, to jump across the backs of bats onto the roof Oh, that's fucking sick Okay 10 Can you read the rules of light as a feather?

When you run across a surface that cannot hold your weight, a fucking bat, roll plus dex On 10 plus, you actually do it, gracefully and without trouble Fuck You don't need to know the rest No Because I've nailed it You do it So, what does this look like?

I land on a bat and they're very quick, still moving So, they kind of like, it looks like ice capades Yeah You know, quick Next one, next one, next one But twirling, landing, and it does its flight I'm gonna do it You're landing and it does its flurry thing and it go into the next bat, bat, bat, bat, bat, bat onto the roof Okay, you all do this You all burst into the apartment at the exact same time Well, Billy doesn't burst I guess Tuck probably is the only one that bursts Yeah, he actually hit, when he jumped the cart, he felt the axles both break And then he hit the edge So, you have a balcony, I've said, there's a balcony outside Okay Like, it goes to stairs So, you basically just tumbled over the balcony What?

Into your window And in his head, when he stands up, he's like, fuck, I wish people saw that one And you see inside, you see a light and a small lantern with like most of the shutters closed But you see the slits of light coming through the shutters, illuminating the faces of three youths I'm gonna just throw my ax at them, that's my instinct Whoa But I'm gonna throw my ax at the lamp to smash it Whoa So, everything goes dark Okay Do any of us have night sight?

No, I have light sight Oh, fuck Well, Tuck's doing this Wow Quick, turn the lights on Okay, 2d6 plus strength, I guess No dexterity, because you're trying to hit a specific thing Ten Fuck, okay So, you're trying to hit the lamp Yeah I see the thief's lamp and I'm like, you're in my house!

And I throw a TLC at the thief's lamp And you amazingly thread the needle between two of the youths and smash the lamp right up to them And you smash the lamp right out of the hand of one of them The ax carries on through the lamp and sticks itself in the stone wall in the back of your apartment Into Cash's favorite poster Yeah And smashes a huge hole in the wall, but stays in the wall And you just hear them go, whoa! Are you guys in there?

Yeah I came in through the, like, just the door of the apartment And I'm like, who's there? And it's all dark Yeah, it's pitch black, unless one of you turns a light on You can't see anything Ving comes down through the ceiling and flicks the light on with his shoulder But so that he's, he's got his arms crossed and he's leaning against the thing and he lights up And he says, what's up, fellas?

There's three people, young, dressed like ruffians, knives at their belts One is just holding the handle of a lantern And they scatter They're basically gonna run further into your apartment Like, they're gonna run in the direction of you Like, they're gonna run in the direction that you guys aren't Okay So they're trying to run away, what do you do?

Gonna throw the falafels Okay I don't know, like, I'm gonna chase them and throw it Yeah To try to stop them Billy's got a halfling, bro 2d6 plus dexterity Seven, oh my god, wow Nice Alright, again, because it wasn't a full success You hit the one with the handle in the hand that was, like, running ahead of them And then the one in the front tumbles to the ground And the one that was immediately behind him tumbles over him So they're, like, tangled up in the doorway But the one in the back leaps over the two of them and keeps running Where is he going?

I think he takes just, like, the first open door Which you know is the bathroom Did he close the door behind him? Yeah, that's pretty funny If he, like, runs into the bathroom and slams the door, tries to lock it What do you do?

There's no other way into the bathroom I was trying to picture the layout There's the window, I guess Outside Yeah Oh, man, I'll go back up through the roof Give me a defy danger dexterity to make it there Ten Yeah, so you do some real Ving martial arts shit Quick up the ladder onto the roof Like, leap towards the edge, grab the edge of the roof, swing down Into the window You kick him basically right in the face back through the window Yeah Because he was halfway through I love it And now you're in a bathroom with this youth that's been kicked over Billy and Tuck, what are you doing with the two that have tangled up in the living room?

I run over and I dogpile on them I jump on them Okay, again, I'm gonna say dexterity to get there fast enough that they don't have time Okay Six I'll help How's Billy helping? I don't know I'm slapping so much Amazing Eleven Yeah, I'm slapping them I'm mad and I'm like, how dare you?

Like, just walk into someone else's house Every time they try and get up No Get down No Make me waste my favorite falafel I've jumped on them so they can't get up Okay It's getting squished and slapped Incredible So And I'm sitting on the guy in the bathtub Okay And they're just, you know, they're giving you the usual, get off me, get out, leave me alone, get off me What's your name? What are you doing here? I'm not telling you anything You're not?

No I start putting his head in the toilet No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no It's not, I haven't flushed this in a week Oh, no, please I'm sorry, it's just What are you doing here? It's just a job, it's just a job If you tell me what you're doing here, I might let you go Yeah, roll a 26 plus charisma Okay, I'm gonna go to the bathroom, okay? Okay Six Fail So what the kid says is he's like, I'm sorry, we were just supposed to distract you From what? Why?

For her And he points through the window and you can see across the alley on the roof of the building behind your apartment, silhouetted against the moon You see a very lean figure standing with your spear And then she jumps up in the air and goes behind the building and is gone What? My harpoon What? What the fuck? I flushed the toilet with his face in it You son of a bitch All right, tuck in, Billy, what are you doing? I'm slapping them Who are you? What's your name?

Ow, ow I'm not telling you my name, kid Tell me now All right, 26 plus charisma Seven Oh, great Yeah, I'll tell you my name My name's Umil Yeah, okay, why did you pause so long? Because I'm not telling you my name What are you doing here?

I'll stab you with this Oh my god Whoa, Billy, hey, hey Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa I'd separate them Billy, no They're in our house I know, but look at them They're losers Yeah, even better reason to do this No Whoa I'm like holding Billy back He's going nuts like a little fucking crazy joe He's swinging his knife around I'm just threatening I'm waving it around mostly Come here, come here So yeah, I've grabbed him and I'm like, you guys better fucking tell us what you're doing here Or I'm gonna let this psycho go And he'll fucking tear through your schnards I have perfect aim, you don't wanna try me Okay, Tuck, you roll a no 2d6 plus charisma There's a 10 12 All right Okay, all right, okay, okay We're just doing a job That's it, we're doing a job, okay?

What was the job? You guys might have met some friends of ours You might have punched him in the face Climbed over a wall, cut a big hole in the ground Are you guys the Jackals? Fuck yeah, we're Jackals, bro You think you can just walk in there and start knocking shit over And no one's gonna come and find out what you're doing? I come out of the bathroom These little fuckers were just distracting us While somebody took my spear What else did they take? I think… Who took your spear?

My spear is gone I don't know, some woman was silhouetted by the moon She took your spear? Yeah Well, that wasn't the job I'll tell you that much Where's my spear? Hey, I don't know what her deal is She's a contractor She's not even part of our gang What's her name? I'm not telling you that I come up with my knife Let me go, Tom Let me go I let Billy go Oh my god Yeah, let him go Okay, this is definitely…

This is charisma too, but in a different way Yeah I hold the point of my knife at his tiny little Adam's apple Fuck Oh god Yeah With charisma? Charisma Twelve The one that has been doing the most talking is like Okay, okay, okay, we don't know her name We just… They just… They call her the Garden Snake That's all I know, okay? What a stupid name Garden Snake That's all…

She's a thief for hire That's it Somebody wanted you guys checked out They wanted us to go provide support They wanted the Garden Snake to come in here and learn whatever she could Who wanted us checked out? What was their name? Our boss What's their name? What, you guys never heard of Jake the Jackal? No Yeah, we all… Oh man, that sounds like… What are you laughing for?

I'm just saying, I'm just saying I'm just saying, I'm just saying I'm just saying, I'm just saying I'm just saying I'm just saying, I'm just saying I'm just saying, I'm just saying Oh man, that sounds like… What are you laughing for?

Sounds like a kid's cartoon character It's like Jack the Jakeal No, it's Jake the Jackal It's because he's so animalistic and savage and ferocious He's the leader of the Jackals Jackals are the dumbest dogs Whoa, now hold on I'm willing to have my head shoved in a toilet But I will not hear you besmirch the good name of Jackals Yeah, well, let's see them What? No, we're not taking you to Jake, no I'm sorry Did you not hear my friend? And I just…

He's referring to his knife Yeah, my tiny little knife My little pointy friend here Okay, if we take you, what's in it for us? You don't get your throat slit by an eight-year-old, nine-year-old? This nine-year-old, leave your schnards alone So what, you want us to take you to Jake?

Yeah, because we're trying to fucking track down this lady that stole from us Okay I mean, the only thing I know she had, because I saw her with my spear, she might have taken something else Let's check our room really quick Discern realities? Yeah, it's a good idea Yeah, discern realities, great, good idea Ten Ten, okay, you get three questions Okay, what happened here recently?

Now that you have like the light on and you're not fighting people, your place has been fucking tossed Like, couch flipped over, drawers pulled out Yeah, your room has been completely tossed, like…

But it looks the same because it was a mess to begin with Yeah At first when you walk in, you're like, oh, she didn't come in here Oh, no, wait, that pile was over there I remember I remember I don't think too much would have been taken But I think you're definitely missing some coin, that's for sure Oh, those fuckers How much?

It's honestly not much, it's like 20 coin, 30 I'll kill them, I'll kill her Billy has no sense of scale No If you take one of our things, you might as well have taken all of our things Yeah The fact that not a lot of stuff was taken leads you to believe they were looking for something else Uh, what should we be on the lookout for? So you…

You're just looking around the house, like you're trying to look everywhere And actually on the roof, you go up through your roof exit And you find on sort of the lip of the roof You find a small wooden carved snake Calling card? Yeah, it's like a little kind of S shape Yeah Wooden piece Looks like the S in Scrabble Yeah, pretty much, yeah So, you now know that she…

If she only did this once, that would be a little bit more than enough That would be weird, this is probably a thing that she does a lot Whenever she robs somebody, she leaves a little wooden snake Okay Yeah As a thief, I'm embarrassed for her It's a rookie move Yeah, this is from the kid who not too long ago was sprinting out of a kitchen with two handfuls full of potato wedges Saying, I'm a master thief now, apparently Okay, you got one more question?

I mean, I guess who's really in control here? So, you get the… Based on what you know about the jackals, like the small amount that you've learned It would be weird for them to hire, like a criminal that has a name, a calling card, seems to be very skilled So, you don't even get the idea that the jackals are necessarily behind this But someone hired the jackals to work with…

The garden snake Garden snake But somebody asked the garden snake to take this thing Wonder if they had two things in mind Yeah Like the spear and something else Well, not even the spear, I wonder if the spear just like…

A lure Oh, yeah, for us to go find her That's interesting And that would make sense why she left a calling card Yeah Oh, yeah Well, we gotta find her then Yeah Always going to trap without it Yeah, so that's what you glean from the situation There wasn't much taken from your place She left a calling card, so she's not worried about you knowing that it's her And it would be very strange if you were to find her and you're like, oh, I'm not going to find her It would be very strange for the jackals to do this on their own So what to do next?

Well, I want to find this lady Yeah Tuck's like, maybe summer is the season of love for me Oh, my God He has walked to a window And perhaps it is the garden snake with her venom so poisonous who will slay my rotten heart And we're all like just watching you do this?

Even the jackals are like just staring at you I will find you, he says to the night I will find He says You say that out loud Yeah I will find you, he says to the night See, he's doing narration for his own speech now Yeah Is this the thing he does a lot? It's new So can we go or what's the situation here? No, you broke into our place What if we promise to never do it again? This, yes, thief's promise?

Look, okay, I'm gonna be honest, I'm gonna be straight with you Why would I want to come back here anyways? Look at you I didn't know that it was gonna be like this I didn't know there was gonna be like a stabby little kid Some sort of monster man and a man who is monstrous Thanks I'm in a book phase right now And then I take out some protein powder and I scoop a handful Now, when you say two, I mean, I'm not saying two Now, when you say take out, what does that mean?

There's a jug of it under the sink There's jugs everywhere But it's all cash, because he's on a subscription service But he doesn't get through it all Yeah, he doesn't even eat it at all But like, Tuck has eaten so much And he's just like, it seems like there's more every day He's on a daily subscription It's like milk, the milkman comes by and gives him powder Maybe his parents are sending him care packages all the time That's just protein powder?

It's because his parents don't know a lot about him And Cash mentioned that he started working out Because he wanted to seem like he'd had his shit together So they're like, oh, he's working out, we'll send him protein powder Alright, look, we'll let you go if you promise not to come back And if you tell us where we can find the garden snake Oh, uh, I can't do that Oh, my fucking, what if I threaten to kill you?

What I mean is that I don't know where to find her Oh, do you know how to get a hold of her? Or how to get a hold of someone who knows her?

Take us to Jake, the snake Jackal Jake is the jackal The garden snake is the snake I know you guys laughed, but I thought it was kind of a cool name It's stupid But it's because she's known for like, sneaking into rich people's houses And stealing their valuable shit And she's harmless You know, yeah, garden snakes are harmless and they're really actually quite small and cute Yeah, and it's really easy for them to get in and out of places unnoticed No, it's not, I always notice them Okay, well, alright, fine, well, I'll tell her to change her branding Yeah, like, Night Python You know what?

No, Billy goes to the window Yeah, yeah Yeah Night Python Or maybe Venom Cobra Or Midnight Spooky Snake Midnight Spooky Snake? Is that what you said?

Wow And then Billy gets embarrassed, he's like, not that one So now Tuck and Billy are silhouetted against the window And the only person in this social combat situation is now Vink, so Vink starts thinking about his spear and goes to the window in the kitchen and is like, you Were unbreakable once Until I broke you And now that you're gone, I'm the broken one I can almost smell the saffron imbued in your rope And actually the jackals start like, Getting up And like, looking at the door I'll get that spooky night snake Fuck you, garden snake And we hear the door close by Yeah, if you guys, if you turn around, they're gone Yeah, we Whatever, we know where to find them We turn, we turn around They left, there, it is now an empty apartment Perel walks in What happened?

Took you long enough, classic What am I gonna do? That's what I'd like to know, why do we even keep you around? Can we cut back to what he was doing? He's just like, wide-eyed eating a falafel, just so enraptured He hears the noises of fighting and he just goes, wow My friends sure are skilled and confident And, uh, well, I called them my friends That's nice Anyways, and he just continues to eat his falafel and smoke his hookah Yeah, what happened?

We were targeted by some mastermind criminal who's, uh, in love with me called the garden snake The garden snake? Yeah She named herself? Yeah Wow Billy's got some other ideas for names Yeah, I'm, I'm, I'm working on them Poison, poison slither tongue She took my spear, my harpoon She took your, that piece of shit? Excuse I know it has a lot of sentimental value, but why would somebody steal a common spear?

I don't know It's a mystery And then they, they took some of our money And they made a map And they made a mess Like, look at this place We're gonna get kicked out so fast Yeah, you might actually This seems like it would be the kind of thing that Cash would not be able to, uh, forgive Hey, Perel Yeah We're not very good at this What? Cleaning Oh Do you think you could, like, organize it really nicely and make Cash's room super clean?

Cause I know Billy knows that Perel loves to clean Yeah, and he's, he has had a one-room apartment for so long that he's like, oh, I'm gonna clean this room Yeah, I know Billy knows that Perel loves to clean And he's like, oh, multiple rooms A bathroom I'm so excited Oh yeah, and then after you can just take a shower Woah Or a bath Oh my, get out Okay Go now Let's go, guys Let's go, go, go, go, go And we shuffle out You hear the door slam behind you Perfect And then we hear him start singing Yeah, I was gonna say he starts singing to himself What's he singing?

It's, it's just a melody He's like It sounds old And yeah, so you leave the vicinity of your apartment to the singing of Perel in the distance. Hey, guys. Yeah? I think we should talk to the kids and see if they might know where to find Spooky Garden Snake Lady. Oh, these urchins that you hang out with? Yeah. Kevin and Bethany? Bethany. Bethany. Yeah, let's go do that. Great. Lead the way, Billy. All right, so this is going to be a connections roll, which I believe is charisma. Eight.

Okay, so what happens on an eight with connections? So on a seven to nine, you have to settle for something close to it, or it comes with strings attached, and that's my call. It comes with strings attached. Okay, so is everybody going to meet Kevin and Bethany? Oh, yeah. No, I'm bringing everyone. Okay. Be cool, you guys. So where are you going to meet them? The usual. So we go to the bakery. Oh, the bakery in the deep ward. Near the ventilation. Yeah. So, okay, squeeze in, you guys.

And then we just slither down here into the pipe. And there's like half a dozen kids in here all hanging out. And as soon, like, they see Billy and they go, oh, Billy. Hey, everyone. And then they see Ving and Tuck and they go, whoa. These are, this is Tuck. Hi, kids. And this is Ving. Hello, children. Oh, my God, Billy, these are your dads? Yeah, kind of. Oh, my God. I didn't think you actually had dads. Yeah. Yeah, we made them with our penises. No, they didn't. Wow. No.

They're so, and Bethany's like, they're so big. They're huge. Yeah. Is this how big adults usually are? I think so. Yeah, what do you want, Billy? What can we help you with? So, our house got broken into. I know. And they took Ving's spear and they took some money. And that's really uncool. That is uncool. I didn't even know you had a house. Yeah, it's not really ours. Oh, okay. But. I've done that before. Yeah. But the guy who owns it, he's going to be really pissed. Oh.

A bunch of jackals broke in. And then they were like, oh, it wasn't us. It was that lady. And the lady was like, what is it? The garden snake? And all the kids are like, oh. Yeah, and she's the one who took Ving's spear. And Bethany's like, oh, you saw the garden snake? You've heard of her? We've all heard about her. Yeah, we all heard about her. She's a legend. She's a legend in McCall. Yeah. What did she? What did she have? Did she have the pants and the veil? Did she have the veil?

I think she had a veil. I didn't see any pants. Oh. Can I use legends of guitar heroes past? Yeah, totally. When you first encounter an important thing related to one of your specialties, you get to ask a question. Any question. Oh. And I answer it. Where is she? Yeah. I mean, we could do that. But that is. That is what we want to do. The connections. Is there anything else that you want to know? Oh, about her? Yeah. Is she single? Does she have a boyfriend?

Is that actually what you want to know? Oh, God. You're trying to remember, like, songs and, like, poems that you've heard. And honestly, if I'm being, I mean, like, as much as I'm supposed to answer, honestly, any question. Yeah. I don't think there would be a song about, like, and her address is 14145. It's the address song. But call. It's the address. The address. The address. The address. The address. The address. The address. The address. The address. The address. The address.

Because disseminated in the form of a song that everyone memorizes every year. Garden Snakes number 6503. Garden Snakes number 6503. Garden Snakes number 6503. All right. We know where she is. Okay. Cool. Okay. So what would Tuck want to know about her? She's this legendary thief who he might have a crush on because she stole from him. And also because I think he hasn't gotten a date in, like, five months. Uh-huh. Wait. Just. Did he say that you have a.

That he has a crush on her or she has a crush on him? No. I think he's like, he's got a crush on her. Okay. I just wanted to make sure. And she knows you exist. Yeah. Well, maybe not. But it's that thing where you were in, like, middle school and then a girl's like, hey, can I borrow your pencil for a second? And you're like, I've never felt more special in my entire life.

And the reality of it is that somebody probably was explaining the job to her and was like, one of them's a huge moron and then moved on. The other one's Tuck. I guess he would want to know what her likes and dislikes are. Wow. To be totally honest. Yeah. No, that's actually a reasonable. That's a reasonable kind of question. He's just like, what kind of girl is this? Is it an option for me? What are her likes and dislikes? And also, like, what kind of what was the big job that she pulled?

All the same question because I didn't stop talking in between. See, that's the kind of shit I want you to ask where you're like, what's the big job that she pulled that made her a legend and made her fall in love with someone to. Okay. So, man, you ask so many questions and I really shouldn't be giving you the answers. But please. So I'm going to start with likes and dislikes. What you know from the songs is that kind of like Catwoman style, I guess.

She is known for having very high class taste. Oh, yeah. Like she generally steals from the wealthy and she takes like finery. She takes. She takes clothing, jewelry, antiques. She's stolen a couple of things that have that are said to have been like magic, like magic items. Yeah. That was song was called Pretty Woman. She's a lady. He didn't even say pretty woman. He went straight to she's a lady. Wow. Incredible. To be fair, you were humming Mr. Sandman. Yeah. Why were you doing Mr. Sandman?

I was trying to do the big. I was trying to do the opening beast. It goes like this. Pretty woman. Okay. And that's literally even the instruments sound like that. It's a guitar that goes pretty woman. Yeah. It's pretty impressive. I'm looking at pretty woman because now I'm mad at all of you. I know what you're talking about, but it literally just goes pretty woman. But it sounded like Mr. Sandman when you were doing it. Hold up. Shut up. You were doing Mr. Sandman. Try to play Mr. Sandman.

Play Mr. Sandman. Because I have a mouth. I'm going to play Mr. Sandman. But the reason is because I have a human mouth, not a bunch of bass strings. But they're different melodies. Man, if you play Sabotage right now, I'm going to lose my mind. That's what you were doing. Which is to be fair. Fuck you guys. That is a human mouth sound. I'm getting sweaty in the way that I get when I play Mr. Sandman. I'm getting sweaty in the way that I get when I play Mr. Sandman.

When I'm actually embarrassed. Yeah. Okay. All right. So, okay. Dislikes. It is said that she, much like Batman, she tries not to kill. That is another thing that people know her for. Her modus operandi is usually break in, break out, don't see anybody. And if you do see somebody, don't kill them. Through the songs, you've heard that when there has been direct action at a scene that she is said to have been at, they found people paralyzed. What? Forever? No. They usually get better eventually.

But if they found guards knocked out, they're usually paralyzed, but awake. Oh. That's probably why she's called the garden snake, because she doesn't actually kill anybody. Oh, well, he should have just said that instead of being like, oh, sounds cool. Sounds cool. Yeah. And you know what? That's all you're getting. Okay. That was your question, then I answered it. So, all the kids are like, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. So cool. I can't believe you saw the garden snake.

Have you ever heard of rumors? Where she hangs out or where she can be found? Oh. Hmm. Hmm. Maybe. And they look down, they do the Grinch smile, and they look at you. Maybe we have. What's it to you, adults? What? I want to know this, too, you guys. I know, Billy, but they can get stuff for us. What do you want? And now they're like, uh, uh. I thought so. They have money. They can get you whatever. Money? Yeah. She took 30 coin from us. So, if you help us find her, we'll give you half.

How much is… Let's see what you can buy for 15 coins. A feast. Whoa. I think they want 30. Like, I think they want the full 30. Wait. What? There's… It's… What? You're just gonna… We can't… I mean, 15 maybe would be enough for, like, half of us, but there's two times that amount of people here. I say we give it to them. Yeah, fine. I don't care. I literally don't care about money. Yeah. I'd rather you guys have it than the snake. Snake lady. Okay.

So, you guys will take this money and help everyone of your regamuffins. We want you to share it. You're a family. Of course. Okay? We're not buying you. We're giving you money to take care of your family. Okay. And you promise to bring the money back. We promise. Sick. Nice. Nice. Okay. I high-five them. They high-five you. All six of the kids. All six of the kids. All six of the kids. All six of the kids. All six of the kids. All six of the kids. All six of the kids. All six of the kids.

All six of the kids. All six of the kids. Our wives have been bound by the eternal bond of the high-five. And now, in exchange for our agreement, we will tell you what we know. They say that she lives in the lower ward. And she is a noble lady. What? That's why she only steals fancy things. Because she loves fancy things because she's rich. And rich people only love nice things. Maybe she's Robin Hooding this. And she's actually helping people. Maybe she's Robin Hooding this.

She's stealing from the rich. Is that the case? Have you guys ever gotten anything from her? No. I bet she keeps it all to herself. Probably. I'm going to give him… Here you go, little man. I give him the little wooden snake. It's okay, Kevin. He's so excited, he puts it in his mouth for a second. And then he takes it back out of his mouth and looks really sheepish. Wow. Yeah, you hang on to that. Thank you so much. This is amazing. Thank you. Okay. Are you going to go find her?

We're going to try. Oh, yeah. Yeah. If you find her, come back and tell us how beautiful she is. We'll be coming back with 30 coins for you and your family. And they all go, yay! And they all start dancing together. So that's what you know. Supposedly, she is a noble. Cool. Cool. Yeah. I mean, oh man, I really like the idea that you're trying to like trap her, trick her into being somewhere. Yeah. Maybe we should take all of our gold and go buy a bunch of fancy things. Oh my God.

Put it in the windowsill. You know what I'm saying? I really like the idea of you guys like pretending to be rich people, like dressing yourselves up and being like, hello, we're visiting nobles. I do. I think that that's a great idea, actually. I've always had a monocle. You? So is the plan to take on these personalities of rich people who have just come to town, will buy a bunch of shit at like fancy stores in the lower ward and just be like, we're going to be staying at this hotel.

Yeah, exactly. Like really spread the rumor. A shopping mall. A montage. Exactly. Oh, I love this. So it's like wee hours of the morning. The shops don't open until about 10 o'clock. Let's just sleep down here. Yeah. In the deep ward. The deep ward? No, like in the tunnel. Yeah. In the tunnel. It's warm, you guys. It smells like cookies and they're baking bread right now. Oh, and then they're going to make croissants pretty soon. It's really hard to say no to him. We have a house.

No, but Perel's cleaning it. No. And I really like sleep. This is my favorite spot to sleep. Okay. Okay. We'll sleep in this fucking vent. Hey, Kevin, we can have a sleepover. Sleepover. Can all the kids just start laying down? Can I go sleep over with them? Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. We're here. And I love that like the tunnel has literally never been safer to sleep in because there are two enormous people sleeping in the entrance. Yeah. We can't fit in it, but we're sleeping out front of it. Yeah.

What are we doing? Can we have a conversation? Of course you can. While they're sleeping? Yeah. We got to set clearer boundaries. I'm terrible at setting boundaries. We have to have consistent bedtimes. Okay. We can't let them sleep in tunnels anymore. It's just hard to know when adventures are going to pop up. It's not even an adventures thing. He's sleeping in tunnels half the night. This is crazy. We both can't be working at night.

Well, I mean, I'm not qualified for anything other than bouncing. I'm not qualified for anything other than bouncing work. And that only happens at night. I guess I could give up my job in the sticks. But can't you work during the day? I guess I could work in the day. Do you think the sticks are still poor in the daylight? I thought it was more of a nighttime thing. Things seem more impoverished at night. I don't know if you have noticed that. People are walking around bumping into things.

Man, look at those poor bastards. They share a poo. Oh, there goes another one. Boink. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man.

I mean, we don't have to figure it out now, but we have to talk about just getting him on a regular schedule where he's not thieving at night, stealing croissants, falling asleep in vents, fighting what he says are dragons but are just lizards. Also, I've seen him talking to the shadows in corners all the time. I saw him talking to a shoe the other day. He's getting weirder. He's getting really strange. I don't know if this is too much editing, but can we have a flashback to the shoe? Yes.

Yeah, totally. Okay, so I assume this is a fairy. Yeah, it's a fairy. So what does this fairy look like? So I think the fairy is like a human, like a little kid, but in sock material. So it's like a lot of knits and stuff like that. Like a sock monkey? Yeah. Wait, like it is made out of sock material or it's wearing sock material? No, it's just wearing a lot of sock material. Oh, okay. Like a borrower. Yeah, I guess so. And so what are they talking about? How long have you lived in the shoe?

Oh, the shoe? I've lived in the shoe. Well, it's kind of hard because I can only really judge time in shoes. So the amount of time that it would take to wear out 40 pairs of shoes. Oh, my goodness. Yeah. I've never worn shoes. Not really. There's no way I've worn 40 shoes. You've never worn shoes? Not really. Oh, let me tell you. It's pretty great. I mean, I do, but for a long time I didn't wear shoes. Let me think back to all the shoes I've owned. I can list them off to you.

I would love nothing more. All right. So I have a pair of leather boots once right now. So those are my most recent is the leather boots. My dad's make me wear them. And then I had some socks before that. And then I had more leather shoes, but they were brown that time. And one time I had slippers. Oh, those are the best shoes. What was the stitching like? It was really nice. Like white thick stitching. Fluffy inside. Fluffy outside. And then hi, Tuck.

Tuck is like, Billy, where are you doing this? I'm just like leaning in a hallway outside. Yeah. Just like in the doorway. Yeah. As this conversation was happening, you see him slowly lean out of the front door of the apartment to watch. And he's like, oh, I'm not going to do that. And he's like, Billy, who are you talking to? The shoe. Hi. And the fairy waves his hand. Oh, are you going to wave back? He's saying hi. Hi. And Tuck reluctantly waves in the air. Sorry he's being so rude to you. No.

He's not usually this rude. That's okay. He has great shoes. Those boots look like they've been everywhere. Oh, they have. The story of those shoes could tell. Oh, Tuck. He wants to hear about your shoes. They have. The shoe does? He said, okay. Why aren't you listening? The shoe says your shoes are great. And he wants to know where they've been. Oh, these shoes. They were in the principalities. Uh-huh. Oh, you got to listen in on this. Oh, yeah. They've been to Blackglass.

They've been to Pinewood. Wow. They've been to Highspear. They've been to the Sea of Graves. They've been to the Spirit World. And they haven't worn out yet? And they've been to… And they haven't worn out yet? They've been to the river. He's not listening. Riverways Principality. He's not listening. Billy, I have work. I have to go to work. I can't keep doing this. Oh, okay. That's fine. That's fine. No, it's fine. Why are you upset now? I'm not upset. I'm going to go now.

I'll talk to you later. Where are you going? Okay, bye. Go home to sleep. Bye. Bye. Bye. Billy runs out the apartment. Cut back to the tunnel. Well, at least he's wearing the shoes we got him. God, I feel like we set such low bars for success for him that he's never going to… I don't know. Okay, well, one of us just needs to stop working nights. I'll stop working nights. I'll shift my shift. Okay. But then we can never hang out. It's good to see you. I kind of want to cut to this.

I want to cut to this. I want to cut to this. I want to cut to Billy and the kids for a sec. Sure. Bethany is laying on her stomach like in front of Billy. She's got her fingers on her hand like legs. And she's like, I'm the garden snake. I'm the best thief in the city. Well, I'm the garden snake. And I'm a mean cow. And I just go into people's houses. I'm like, just smashing into stuff. You know what? I'm so rich and lazy because I don't have a job.

And I don't know what it's like to work hard for the things you have. So I'm just going to work hard for the things you have. And I'm going to take their stuff. And I fart. Billy, if you don't want to play, that's okay. You don't like how I'm playing? No, if it's fun for you, we can keep doing it. It's a lot of fun. The most sinister Billy has ever sounded easily. It's a lot of fun. It's a lot of fun. Yeah. And Kevin is laying near you. The guy's like watching. He goes, Billy. What?

What's it like to have dads? It's really nice. Before them, I had a dad a long, like a really long time ago. And he was so cool. And then he died. And yeah. And I didn't have very good parents after that. And really, I didn't have anyone for a long time. And then Tuck found me one day. And then Vane came later. And it was pretty cool. It's pretty cool. I like them a lot. That's nice. Yeah. We know what that's like. Yeah. But I'm glad that you found them. Yeah.

I hope you guys find dads or moms one day. Yeah. That'd be nice. Yeah. And then Tuck slaps the inside of the vent. And he's like, go to bed. Kids, go to bed. Now. Whoa. Ugh. Fuck. Maybe I don't want to. I don't want to go to bed with my dad. Yeah. That's the only thing. They try and make me go to bed. And it's like, I know when I want to go to bed. It's three in the morning. Shut up. Everyone sleep. Everyone sleep. It's three. You're yelling. It's three. It never works when you yell.

I'm not just saying. All right. And we, I don't know, flash forward, what? Six hours? Five hours? Yeah. Morning. It's morning time. I assume you're going back to your apartment? Yeah. Yeah. We'll go back home and get geared up. Cool. You get back to your apartment on Abu Dib Road. You walk into the apartment. Incredible. Oh my God. Everything's like neatly placed. Everything is looking great. Spotless. It's actually looking cleaner than it has since you moved in. Oh my gosh.

And Perel is asleep on the couch. Look at me. Looks like an angel. He's so beautiful. Smells like an ox. Looks like a bald, stylus angel. Hey, hot. Hey. Hi. Hi. Hey. Sorry, I thought you were somebody else. Who'd you think we were? I thought you were more, nah, nevermind. Who? Nah, no, no, no. Anyways, I cleaned the place. It looks pretty good. It looks great in here. Thank you so much. No problem. It was a lot of fun. You did this without magic? Oh, I've never cleaned with magic.

This is amazing. Thanks for giving me the opportunity. How was your night? Where'd you sleep? In the vents with the muffins. Guys! Guys! With the muffins. Bing did not sleep awake from this fucking beat. So what's the plan? What'd you learn? We learned that a snake lady is rumored to be like a noble lady. And she likes fancy stuff. And she likes to steal, you know, like antiques and money and stuff like that. And finery. And she doesn't kill people. So she's maybe a good guy. It's hard to say.

But we think she might be in the woods. We're going to go to the lower ward. So what we're going to do is we're going to lay a trap for the snake. You're going to love this. We're going to go to the lower ward. Pretend to be rich people. Start spending a lot of money. And then we're going to spread a bunch of rumors that we're going to be staying in this one hotel in the lower ward. Don't know which one yet. And then we're going to wait for her to come to us. Yeah.

And we're going to look pretty good. Pretty great. Pretty good. We're going to definitely deck known feathers and velvet things and silk. And Perel has steepled his hands in front of his face. And he tilts his eyes. He tilts his head down and looks at you through his eyebrows and says, So what I'm hearing is disguises. Yeah. The fanciest disguises. Ving Mimes leans into Perel and like minds taking a leash off of his neck. He rolls his shoulders. He cracks his neck to the side.

And he goes, Makeover. Yeah. And then there's montage begins. Pretty woman. Walking down the street. Pretty woman. The one I hope to meet. Mr. Woman. Yes. Maybe a man like peaches and cream. Whatever the fuck. So we'll start with the role for the costumes. Because that it hinges. Everything hinges on the costumes. Oh, yeah. I'll take that on me as the former shape-shifter. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. 2d6 plus charisma. Nice. Eight. Okay. So seven and nine mixed success. They're going to be pretty good.

Pretty good. Not great. Like really top of the line mall clothes. Yeah. Totally. Like Le Chateau back of the store. Yeah. Like it might take a little bit longer for the rumor to get to the nobles. Because it's mostly going to be poor people being like, did you see that jacket? It looked like it was made out of silk, but it felt like polyester. Okay. Great. So where do you go to get clothes? Let's talk about that. There's a guy, Randy, down by the river. I know we can go to.

I mean, honestly, a smuggler. That'd be a guy, Randy, that I know. I do like the idea of like going to a smuggler because we don't want to spend that much money. Yeah. Yeah. It's a centaur. It's a centaur. It's a centaur. Randy the centaur. And they're. Yeah. Centaurs are known in McCall for like their mercantile operations. And Randy is not that kind of centaur. Okay. So let's be clear. What does centaur sound like?

Because I mean, it's so bad, but it's the most fun to do like a wheeling and dealing kind of guy. Like, hey, it's me, Randy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Do that one. I'm fucking half cable here. Jesus. Yes. Yeah. Do that. Okay. Is this what all centaurs sound like? Sure. Yeah. Whatever. Randy for now. Yeah. Just do Randy. Okay. So you just go down to the market, I guess. And the market, it's bustling. Like it's middle of the day now. It's fucking bumping.

And what you do see is your friend, Randy, the centaur. He has a pile of clothes on the border between the goblin market and the bazaar. And he's just yelling at people as they walk by. Hey, come on. I got the finest. Where's. The whole market. Look at this pile of stuff. I found this. I'm pretty sure it's wool. And he throws it back down. And look at these. They go around your neck. I don't know what for. But you could buy them. Randy. It's me. He's holding a pair of boots. Yeah. And to be.

I mean, we haven't described centaurs really before. Yeah. So he's like huge. Like he's the size of a camel. Yeah. Well, his lower half goes up to where a camel's shoulder goes, which is what? Like six. Six and a half feet. Oh, yeah. And so he's probably like eight and a half feet tall to the top of his head. Well, looks like he weighs two tons. And he's just like, hey, what do you guys? Hey, you big guy. Yeah. You only got a little piece of thing on your stuff.

You need some more clothes to fill out the gaps. Can you help us look rich? Oh, if there's one thing Randy knows and he's he puts his thumbs under the armholes of his little leather vest that he's wearing. It's. Yeah. I can help you. If you help us, we'll help you. Oh, is that so? What do you mean? Hey, if we look great, what are we going to do? Walk around looking great. And you know what we're going to tell everyone? Oh, you're telling me what the Randy. That's right.

And we're doing an operation in the lower wards. Oh, you guys don't run an operation. He gets real. He goes down, you know, in camel's kneel. Like. Oh, take on. Sorry. I got a little bit of the Lumbago. I hear you guys are pulling an operation. Huh? Yeah. I just told you that. Yeah. Okay. What kind of operation? He adjusts his glasses. Well, we're going down to the lower ward. Okay. We're pretending to be rich. Pretending. Yeah. High finery. The richest of rich. We want your top clause.

We're going to start rubbing elbows with, you know, all the yuppies down there. Okay. We're going to start spreading rumors. Maybe one of those rumors is Randy's digs are the best. Oh, that's a pretty good idea. I tell you what. This is where the seven and nine is going to come in. He wants something from you. Okay. All right. So there's a little shop in the low war. Oh, my God. This is side quest on a side quest. Oh, God. It's just a little side quest.

If you got the time or some sort of resources, all I need you to do is, like, push over a stall. Okay. It's easy. Fine. Yeah, we could do that. Yeah. We're scrupulous. Yes. One by guy called Stitches. He's a tailor down in the lower ward. And maybe he's been causing a little bit of trouble. So just push it over. I don't know. Fuck it up. Okay. Yeah. We'll push over his cart. Cool. Yeah, let's do it. Stand up, Randy. Oh, no. Give me a minute. Why do you have such bad joints?

Look at the fucking size of me, bud. Trying to hold up all this meat. He's rubbing on his belly. He's got chains and stuff. A whole lot of centaur, buddy. Okay. All right. Let's get you in the pile. We dive into this pile. Okay. And what do you come out looking like, Tuck? Tuck's wearing a top hat. Wow. You remember those kids that they went to prom with the frilly shirts with the powder blue suits and lapels? Basically like Dumb and Dumber. Yeah. So he's dressed like Dumb and Dumber.

He's got a top hat and a cape and a powder blue suit. Some of it's blue and some of it's orange. Yeah, frilly front. Some of it's blue. Some of it's orange. Okay. And a top hat. I think I said that three times. Yeah. We get it. He's got a hat. Yeah. Perfect. Yeah. He's got a cane sword. Oh, yeah. Nice. That's going to come in handy. See, you know what the best part about this thing is, is people look at it and they go, that's a cane. No problems here. Don't worry about that guy.

But then you go, there's a cane. There's a sword. Holy shit. Yeah. I got a name for it. What's it called? It's called the walking stab. Cool. There you go. All right. What does Ving look like? What does Ving look like? The nicest piece of clothing that Ving could find is a black velvet one piece dress. All right. So he got some old fake pearls that look pretty good. And he's coming out like looking real good. La la. So he's also going to get some makeup too.

He's going to go, I guess, drag because he's going full wife here. Hell yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, nice. And just to be 100% clear, moss hand? Moss hand. Moss hand. Sure. Yeah. But I found a big, fancy, sexy glove. There we go. Yeah. Those like. Oh, the opera gloves. Opera gloves. Yeah. Opera gloves. And little opera glasses. And you just waxed too. So you're. That's true. And just straightened your hair. Yeah. No. He looks like Celine goddamn Dion. Yeah. Yeah. Amazing. All right. And Billie.

All right. I'm going to go as the rich baby. So I found. The rich. You mean Richie Rich? Yeah. She just. She said it so offhand. Like we would all be like. Yeah. We would all know what she was talking about. Yeah. You know. Well, like I have like the dad in the tux. And then the mom lady. Or like Celine Dion. I don't know. The older mom. Yeah. Grandma. Sad widow. It's hard to say really. Yeah. Dowager countess. So. Billow finds like.

You know those like Victorian outfits that like little kids used to wear. Yeah. Like the capelets. Oh yeah. Lot of velvet. Doughy hat thing. Yeah. The little. A bonnet. Yeah. The like the knee pants with the white stock. Yeah. Yeah. Silky stockings. The little like Mary Jane shoes. Totally. Yeah. Amazing. It's good. They. We found a pram to in the pile. She's going to push them around. Oh no. Billy finds the pram. He's like. Please. Really. You can walk. We don't need it.

Shoes are so uncomfortable. No. I understand if you guys are trying to pull an operation. You make them look like a little human. Yeah. Fuck Randy. I'm not giving you 15 coins for this thing. For what? For this pram. Oh, I did that. It's not. That's not mine. You can have it. You just got to get out of here. We're what we thought was a transaction was just us doing conspiracy to commit larceny.

He like collect some of your money goes pleasure doing business with you and takes off at a full Gallup. Just just the market. We're going to get out here. I don't think this fucking pile is his man. I went from not knowing what centers were about to loving Randy with every fiber. I'm being wait. What does Perel look like? Oh, yeah, because he was helping with. Yes, of course. Did I? Yeah. Okay. You hear a cough. But I'm around midnight black tuxedo. White shirt crisp.

The little triangle collars with a small. Little tie brilliant red rose probably fake along velvet cape and a white mask covering half of his face. How do I look take each take the mask off man? What the mask makes it it sends a weird message. I think yeah that I'm mysterious. Yeah, I was going to say it makes you mysterious Billy gets it like half mysterious like who is this grandfather who's so rich. Oh, hold on. So fancy and like where what party is he going to? Yeah, where does he live in?

What Palace? What's the other half of his face look like? No one will know it could just be like a diamond face. You really think the mask isn't going to work. You know, I'm not willing to have this argument with you. Yeah, you look like you right now. Yeah, keep in mind. I was in a box for a hundred years. Anyways, let's go. Let's go. All right. What's the next? It's it. So the other things are we have to find a hotel and spread gossip. Yeah. I guess you guys got it.

You would probably have to lock down where you're going to be before you could spread the rumors about it. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, good idea. All right. Yeah, Billy 2d6 plus charisma. Oh man, plus charisma is 11. All right. So let's see you guys go down to the lower ward. Yes, you arrive on the tram and you get off into the lower ward crowds of middle-class and upper-class. No, the only people that you see on the streets are middle-class people. What's that?

What hotel do you direct your energies towards the fanciest? One Sun Palace the Sun Palace. Oh sure. Yeah, the Sun Palace the fountain in the front is flowing with crystal clear water 24 hours a day and has a big beautiful stone carving of a son. Oh, yeah. Yeah, this is the one that all the rich kids who are like cool and trying to like, you know, be rebellious. That's where they party. Yeah. So you just head in and there's a reception desk. I what does it look like quartz quartz? Yeah.

Um and like the Sun Stone like glass ceiling dome. So there's like light coming in glittering off so much tropical plants. Oh, yeah, you can hear like there's like birds and shit in here and so the glass ceiling dome there's pinpricks of Sun Stone in it. So even like at night, it looks like the night sky cool. Yeah, there's different panels and they change out the panels to adjust for the turning. So it actually like changes with the. Seasons. Yeah, that's really cool.

There's also like floors like parts of the floors are glass and underneath is like flowing water. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I want to go to this hotel now. Yeah, this fake hotel so nice. Yeah, and in the massive like Airy atrium reception area with all the trees and dense jungle life. There is a very straight-backed young man with a very thin mustache dark skin, very close cropped hair and. A really like tasteful reception uniform. He says welcome to the Sun Palace. Will you be staying with us?

Salutations my good man. I yeah, we're rich. We're staying here now. Very good. Very good. What sort of accommodations will you be requiring something with the toilet that needs that requires sitting down for I am a lady and I require sitting down to do so bathroom stuff. You will be happy to know ma'am that I ma'am ma'am miss ma'am. Miss. Miss will do fine. Ooh, you'll be happy to know that all of our toilets require sitting standing is for the poor.

Would you happen to have a room a room a sweet a sweet with a ballroom or something fancy like a grand piano or like an opera or something very cultural very high class. May I say this is a very advanced. Child that you have with you. Yeah, should be. You must be very proud. We he's only two years old and he's already aware of opera and piano and he could talk. We're that rich with a British accent.

I'm very well traveled sir, and I've stayed in quite the nicest places in the world and my grandmother father being listen, you like fucking grandmother. My fancy uncle. We will need most finest of establishment. It's my younger brother here needs somewhere to practice his singing and Perel taps his cane on the ground goes. Ha ha. Well, I think that we have just the accommodations for you in our Empress suite.

It is 50 coins a night and it has all of the accommodation to require super King size bed. That's when you take two Kings cut them in half and put them together and then one King. No, but hold on. You just can't. Yeah. Yeah. It's two half. King one. King you take the other two halves and you put them at the bottom. Okay, so it's a long just two Kings on end.

Yes, but of course cutting the first cutting both of them in half bit shows that you have no care for the quality of the things that you buy or how much they cost. What are the sleeps like of these beds is terrible. Sorry. This is so dumb. This is not realistic at all. This is perfect. Great. Of course is terrible. The rich don't need to sleep. They don't have to work. You simply stay up all night on cocaine.

It has an en suite bathroom an en suite bathroom an adjoining dining hall a retching Hall and an en suite bathroom. That's down the hall. You don't want to go in there and a beautiful view of both the gardens of the lower ward and some say just the barest peak of the broken shores. Oh, wow. On a good night on a good night. Okay, every night's a good night for a people like us. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

So of course we will be we will be billing you after your stay and we require just a just a name and contact information. Yes, of course we are of the and then he looks at Perel and he's like tuxedo mask clan to owe the tuxedo masks. Yeah. Yeah. You've heard of us as you can see our the patriarch is here and I point at Perel and it's like who bows very he spins his hand like 20 times as he goes to bow down and then bows back up.

Yeah, we've been traveling from the principalities because we've come to see the Shah of McCall. You wanted to borrow some money. Yeah, because we're so rich incredible. In fact, he's gonna we don't even have to go to. I mean, we don't even have to go to him. He will he will be coming to us. He will be paying us a visit to get his money because he is poor. Are you telling me that the the Shah will be visiting? Yes, the Sun Palace entirely possible. My good man.

How many days can we put you down for? Let's start with one week, please one week seven days very well. And he writes down. I just require what who was it tuxedo mask tuxedo mask clan. Okay is the family name. All right. My name is Tacoma Dome. Yep, you never lies. His eyes widen a little bit. Just one word. This is my mother. Wanda Rwanda Hotel Rwanda. What a beautiful. I've started. I have a chain. This is a my son. The last King of Scotland.

My name is William writes it down and and your name sir. Any points of Pirell and Pirell taps his cane on the ground and goes, haha, and he's looking really nervous. And he's kind of looking at all of you. My uncle's name is. Sir. William with an H Sir William. Yes, tuxedo mask. Yes, clan clan clan is in the name very well. And you will be at the very top Penthouse suite. Thank you room services available at any hour of the night.

We will simply wake someone and force them to make your food for you. Enjoy your stay and he throws both his hands out to the side and bows really really low tuck bows back. This guy doesn't come back up. Oh, his he's fully bound. Then curtsies. Unfortunately, he can't see it, but it's probably a beautiful curtsy. We go. He stays like that until you're out of you. Okay, we will be back later. Pirell lifts his mask for a second and starts waving air under his.

He's just pouring with sweat from that side of his face. This is going pretty well. It's not bad right now. Kind of amazing. We pulled this off so far so far. Let's see how these rumors. Go. All right, 2d6 plus charisma. Huge rumors. Holy shit. The fuck my charisma is two. So I got 13. All right. So what's your plan for spreading rumors here? Where do rich people hang out country clubs? Fine dining fine dining the Faberge egg store the dragon Faberge egg store. Yeah.

Oh my God stitches where we have to go. Anyway. Oh, yeah, let's go to. Stitches. Okay, and you get there and there is kind of a portly McCall in dude. He's got really oiled like ringlet hair and like a burgundy robe. That's very finely embroidered. Okay, so walk up to the cart and I go you me itch. Yes, I have words with you. You have insulted my family's honor and I talk loud so everyone can hear. Yeah. Yeah, and I go you have insulted the honor of.

The tuxedo mask clan and then I go the richest family in the principalities. We came all the way from the principalities expecting a full wardrobe of clothes from you stitch and we didn't find it when we got here. So what we did was we bought the deed out from under you for this cart in the store behind it. Please lower your voice. Please ever there. You're making a scene. No, you've upset my parents and Mike and and.

We're here to to fight for our honor because no one disrespects the tuxedo masks, please. Please. I'm just going to if you if it is true that you have bought this property, I'm going to need to see a deed of some kind. Here's the deed and I pull out the cane sword. I pull the sword out of the cave and people go and back up. This is the dirty deed done dirt cheap and I yeah, just smash it into the side of the cart and I start wriggling it around to make as much damage as possible.

I know he said that it was going to be one dice roll, but I want to Defy Danger strength for this. 678. Okay, great. Yeah, you smash the shit out of stitches cart and as I'm doing that I turn to like the crowd that's watching and I go I'm doing this because I'm rich and I don't care about the consequences because for me there are no consequences because money lets me do anything you either you I will have my revenge. I you would not heard the last of stitch McGillicuddy.

You may come to the Bellagio where we will be staying in the very fine Empress Suites at the Sun Palace. I mean in the Sun Palace where you'll find us in the very fine and pursuit enjoying our endless buffets and and backwards toilet. And everyone in the crowd goes. Oh, yes, backwards toilets. Oh, yeah, only the finest. Only the finest. Only the finest thing is to stand accounting gold coins in the crowd. And then as we're walking away we go.

Yes, us and all of our loose money and poorly guarded clothes will be in our penthouse. Sweet, sweet baby darling. Yes. How would you like to go spend a bunch of money and bring the wares back to our unlocked room? Love it. Grandma. Ma. Yes, are the heirlooms at least guarded or that? I will. I will one day inherit when I grow up or or are they also quite loose about the room? Darling. No one would steal from people as rich as us.

Your heirlooms are dangling out the window on the string like I know they should be father. Will the peacocks be arriving eventually? Yes, the dinner peacocks that will be arriving so we can eat for dinner. Leave one for breakfast. Lee. Yeah, leave one's eggs for breakfast. Yeah, we'll use the eggs for breakfast and we'll just throw them out.

Throw one out the window for sports and then tuck fumbles a bag of 15 coins and goes whoops and then drop and then does that thing where he goes to pick it up and then kicks it into the crowd and then he stands up and goes it's not worth it to go get it. That was 15 coins and then I turned to a random person in the crowd as like repeat all the information that I just said back to me. So I know you know it. Yeah, and the montages is them explaining their breath. That's music playing over.

Over them talking to you and us going. Uh-huh. And I mean we can assume through montage that you see. Oh, the word is spreading throughout the lower word. Psychotic rich family. Yeah, somebody should do something about it. Morons make way for Prince Ali. Yeah, I guess you guys did kind of pull a Prince Ali. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, and the only thing left to do. Is wait to spring your trap. Yeah, let's go back to the room. So it's late like the moon has risen. It's a beautiful cloudless night.

Oh, maybe we can use the moths a little bit and see where she's going right now. Oh, yeah. Time. Yeah. So Ving is watching like the rooftops of the lower ward through the eyes of moon shadow in the moonlight. You see a form flitting across the rooftops running like full speed rolling over a ledge leaping across the distance. Between two buildings.

There's a point where she where the form jumps across a gap that nobody should be able to make and you see a flash of something flies out of her hand and stabs into a wall and she swings across and climbs up some sort of cord that she's carrying with fucking shit. My spear and you realize that she is obviously very clearly moving in the direction of the Sun Palace and it mere mere seconds until she arrives. She's coming. She's coming. She's coming. She's coming. She's coming.

All right, everybody look natural. Okay, took. It's a shiffer rope. I so my understanding was that your plan was to hide. Yeah. No hide hide hide gets into the shiffer rope and Perel swings into the bathroom and closes the door. Most of the way, but peeks through being slips under the bed like a snake.

Okay, and you hear before you see the quiet shuffling of like the window in the bedroom sliding open then like you don't hear anything but talk from where you're standing and then you see some silken slippers like touch the floor and she's just creeping into your hotel room through like beams of moonlight and bands of darkness as she creeps through the room.

You see slightly Baggy pants of some loose material that allow for like freedom of movement tight-fitting clothing on the top and like a silk veil look that covers her mouth and nose. She's got dark hair coiled at the back of her head.

And you see her arms are bare and from her wrist like to underneath her shirt are alternating dark black bands that look like elaborate tattoos and the light passes over the side of her head as you see her ears come to a very slight point and that's where we're going to end it for this week I'm your game master Sean O'Hara joining me as always playing Tacoma Dome the Barbarian Abdul Aziz hello goodbye playing being the half elf druid Paul Oppers and playing fat Billy the Halfling Thief Jessica Tai goodbye thanks to what I think Tuck was saying hello to her yeah that's what I heard from inside hi thanks to Aaron Reed for our amazing intro and outro music and thank you to all of you our beautiful supporters listening to us right now thank you for doing that you can find us on the internet at Spout Lore most places including patreon.com and I think that's it so long bye okay bye and so ends the tale of adventures three who tried the best they can though dumb and scared and lost they be for time's abreast in revelry and though our journey may be like a conclusion we will not leave you without a resolution return next week to hear some more whilst you commute or do your chores and for you I'd gladly Spout Lore